#opens Twitter to see responses about the rugby

[willowpenguinwritting]

Elle's Birthday oneshot(Wrote for her Birthday)

///////This thought came to me randomly. The credit of Tara and Elle's quotations to a wonderful Twitter account I follow, they are incredible. //////////

Like every year the fourth of May rolled around faster than anticipated. The picnic bench squad members had already prepared Elle's presents for their sleepover the coming weekend. Each of them with excitement had packed their bags already, with the presents and plastic lightsaber. They were going to have the lightsaber fight at school but Elle had convinced them otherwise.

It was the group's first official birthday of Elle's without them seeing each other at lunch after bothering her in maths with notes and drawings that were somewhat related to maths in a very odd sort of way. Obviously, they had agreed to meet Elle for lunch and her new friends were eager to come as well.

Whilst they were sitting in English waiting for the bell to ring Tao's mind was spiralling with thoughts of if Elle would actually like his gift to her. He managed to calm himself down by the time the bell went and he met Charlie and Issac to go and meet Elle.

They reached the gate where Elle ran to give them all a large hug. All of them were smiling happily, Tara and Darcy also grinned at each other whilst they walked to a bench. Once they had all settled they agreed to eat their lunch, then Issac would give out his handmade cupcakes and then Elle would unwrap her presents.

Issac was grinning happily at the mention of his cupcakes, he had told Charlie that they were marble with transgender flag colours in them with icing of cats. Charlie's head was not fully screwed on as he was still imagining things to do with a certain puppy *cough* sorry rugby lad.

They all ate their lunches, well more or less. It wasn't quite a complete lunch without Darcy chucking monster munch at each of them. Issac opened the tub and handed it to Elle which she instantly awed at and took a quick photo of them. After their happy consumption of the cupcakes, it was time for presents.

Darcy handed Elle a small box, which was unwrapped to reveal a simple silver chain necklace."I thought you would want to make your own charm to attach to it." Darcy explained. Elle thanked her gratefully and placed the chain around her neck.

After Elle unwrapped the rest of them, leaving Tao's till last coincidence or not she carefully unwrapped it. Inside was a small pile of books on makeup artistry and a few makeup products, all of which Tao probably had no idea what they were for. Elle put her arm around him with a very loud train of thank you's being exclaimed.

Tao smiled to both himself and Elle in relief that he had done a good job present-wise, he had felt less nervous at the time he brought Elle's first dress for her but it was still something a bit unpredictable response-wise.

"Right, it is also star wars day so everyone grab a stick to be your lightsaber and let the battle begin."Tao declared, the boys and Darcy collected sticks and started thrashing them against each other occasionally making a noise with their mouths which Elle assumed was supposed to be like the woosh noise of a lightsaber.

Elle laughed at Tara's questioning face, "Does this stuff often happen at Truham?" Tara asked.

"Yeah, about once a week if you let them, you get used to it." she laughed in a light-hearted response.

Elle was feeling lucky, she was lucky to have such wonderful friends. She was very appreciative of how much thought Tao always put into his gifts for her. The stick, lightsaber, fight ended with Charlie seeming victorious based on his tongue out that he was taunting Tao with.

They wished their goodbyes and most of the picnic bench squad's thoughts were I will defeat them in the lightsaber fight at the sleepover. Elle however was thinking about how she would try and convince them to paint their nails as an activity for the sleepover as it was as it her house.

-----------------------------------------

Now a quick Narlie interaction because it is kind of linked.

"Hi," Nick said as he sat in his usual seat next to Charlie.

Charlie was writing in his planer but his head lifted up and he responded "Hi,"

It was routine of theirs by this point. Never enough hi's to one person who you sit next to in form.

"I like your nail varnish," Nick said gesturing to Charlie's black and sparkly nails that Elle painted.

Charlie smiled, "Thanks, my friend painted them at her birthday sleepover."

Nick's brain instantly thought Don't be a girlfriend, please don't be a girlfriend. Despite the fact he knew Charlie is gay and it would not be a girlfriend. This odd jealousy faded as he showed Charle a photo of Nellie in the bath from his weekend.

[rhysdarbyarchive]

"Culture shock": 2009 interview with Rhys Darby about Rocked the Nation 2: 100 New Zealand Pop Culture Stories

from the July 5, 2009 issue of Sunday Star-Times

WHATEVER HAPPENED to Little Ted from Playschool? Where are hick wrestlers The Bushwackers and the infamous Ingham twins now? And just what is there to be proud of in our country's history? Starting on C4 tomorrow, six-part series Rocked the Nation 2: 100 New Zealand Pop Culture Stories attempts to answer these pressing questions and many more using a wealth of historic footage and interviews with almost every semi-famous personality and cultural commentator New Zealand has to offer.

Comedian Rhys Darby, of Flight of the Conchords fame hosts the show, using his naive humour and a few wellplaced expletives to take viewers from the ridiculous to the, well, even more ridiculous. Opening at number 100 with local hero done good Temuera Morrison, we learn that Elemeno P's Dave Gibson thinks Morrison's turn in Star Wars made it "a bit hard to take Maoris in space seriously", while film reviewer Dominic Corry more diplomatically thinks "seeing Tem in that environment helped us accept Kiwis in big budget movies".

Covering the length and breadth of the country, including Hamilton (claim to fame: The Rocky Horror Picture Show) and Invercargill (the arsehole of the world, according to Keith Richards, although mayor Tim Shadbolt swears the Rolling Stones were stoned and really in Dunedin that night) this is an obligatory and highly entertaining look at New Zealand's illustrious identity. Jaquie Brown is responsible for the voiceovers and in her own playful tone leads the show deftly through our most important pop culture moments. So what's number one? You'll have to watch the show to find out but we asked Darby a few questions to get the inside scoop:

Q: Why did you decide you wanted to front this show? What appealed to you about the idea? A: I love pop culture. I think it's important to learn and laugh at our mistakes as a nation. And this is the sort of show the whole family can watch. The parents can smile and remember the pop culture stories and the kids can not only learn stuff but laugh at me being silly between the interview bits. However the thing that really appealed to me about the show was the giant RHYS they made out of polystyrene.

Q: What do these various little factoids about local history tell us about "the New Zealand character"? Is there really such a thing, do you think? A: The most obvious thing that comes out of these wonderful stories is New Zealand's great sense of humour. I think we really are one of the funniest nations in the world and we've just kept it to ourselves. We laugh at ourselves and don't show off about it. That's our character. It's a very dry sense of humour. We don't take ourselves too seriously but on the odd occasion we do and that's usually when sport's involved, then we take ourselves far too seriously but that's OK. It just means we're very passionate people too. So there you have it. That's our character. Dry, funny and passionate.

Q: Working so much overseas yourself, how would you say New Zealanders are perceived outside this country? A: Dry, funny and passionate. But that's only a recent thing. We used to be mainly perceived as nice hard- working farmers who could pour a pint and play bloody good rugby.

Q: Programmes exploiting our national nostalgia are soooo yesterday, don't you think? A: No I'm afraid you're wrong. Who told you that? Some git on Facebook? Shows exploiting our national nostalgia are soooo today man! In fact I'd go as far as to say they are even soooo tomorrow and the day after! Soon shows exploiting our national nostalgia will be the only thing people are twittering about.

Q: Did you guys manage to find that breakdancer with the white gloves from the Patea Maori Club's "Poi E" video? A: Yeah he's now working in a fish 'n' chip shop in Kaikoura.

Rocked the Nation 2: 100 New Zealand Pop Culture Stories, C4, Monday, 8.30pm.

[calacuspr]

Calacus Weekly Hit & Miss – Simone Biles & Rassie Erasmus

Every Monday we look at the best and worst communicators in the sports world from the previous week.

HIT – SIMONE BILES

Simone Biles has been the superstar of gymnastics - if not female sport - since she burst into global consciousness by winning four gold medals at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games.

With 19 world championship gold medals as well to her name at the tender age of 24, expectations were high at Tokyo 2020.

Not content with leading the world in gymnastics, Biles showed remarkable strength from one so young by putting her mental health ahead of the attention and anticipation of her performances at this year’s Olympic Games.

After pulling out of the women's gymnastics team final. Biles explained: “I have to focus on my mental health. I just think mental health is more prevalent in sports right now.

"We have to protect our minds and our bodies and not just go out and do what the world wants us to do.

"I don't trust myself as much anymore. Maybe it's getting older. There were a couple of days when everybody tweets you and you feel the weight of the world.

"We're not just athletes. We're people at the end of the day and sometimes you just have to step back.”

The Olympic Games may be one of the biggest stages in world sport, but Biles showed remarkable poise to withdraw given her unofficial role as the symbol of Team USA.

It is further proof, if proof were needed, that sports stars now feel empowered to stand up, not only for social justice but also for themselves, as we saw with Naomi Osaka withdrawing from the French Open in much the same way earlier this year.

Michael Phelps, himself an Olympic phenomenon, defended Biles after previously revealing his own struggles with depression. He said: “This is an opportunity for all of us to really learn more about mental health, to all help each other out.

"For me, I want people to be able to have somebody that can support them, who’s non-judgmental and who’s willing to hold space. There’s a lot that we can do to help one another and we have to start. We can’t brush it under the rug anymore.”

Biles, remember, has spoken out about the sexual abuse she and many others faced at the hands of the former U.S.A. Gymnastics doctor Lawrence G. Nassar and the devastating effect it has had on her life.

She has also spoken out about racism, which she has encountered in life and in gymnastics competition; She said: “It happens every day, and I feel like every Black athlete or colored athlete can say that they've experienced it through their career.”

Biles has had to watch as her brother Tevin Biles-Thomas was accused and then recently acquitted of 15 charges including murder related to an incident three years ago.

The gymnast later withdrew from the final individual all-round competition, with USA Gymnastics stating: “We wholeheartedly support Simone’s decision and applaud her bravery in prioritizing her well-being. Her courage shows, yet again, why she is a role model for so many.”

There have been accusations that she let down her team by walking away, that she displayed an appetite for ‘losing, quitting and failure’ rather than seeing the bigger picture of fighting through adversity.

American conservative activist Charlie Kirk was also quick to criticise, saying: "We are raising a generation of weak people like Simone Biles. If she's got all these mental health problems: don't show up."

“She's probably the greatest gymnast of all time. She's also very selfish, she's immature and she's a shame to the country."

Those opinions were echoed by other right-wing activists and yet US newspapers such as USA Today called Biles’ decision “important” and a “powerful message.”

The New York Times lauded the 24-year-old for putting her “mental health first and the expectations of others, at best, second” and after Biles spoke about the mental exhaustion endemic to being the best, the Washington Post asked, “What are we doing, breaking our athletes?”

Mental health organisations such as The Rethink Mental Illness charity praised Biles and said: “Everyone needs to prioritise their mental health, even the best athletes in the world.

“Simone Biles’s decision to withdraw from an Olympics final will not have been taken lightly, and it’s great to see the support she received from her teammates.”

Mind also congratulated Biles on her bravery and posted on Twitter: “Working in elite sports like gymnastics comes with unimaginably high levels of pressure, perfectionism, scrutiny, and comparison. Simone Biles is incredibly brave for speaking out, and highlighting the importance of looking after your mental heath.

“Simone is a role model for women and girls everywhere. She deserves our applause, respect, appreciation – and above all our support right now.”

MISS – RASSIE ERASMUS

Rugby union prides itself on respect and one of the most fundamental aspects of game is based on how referees are treated.

It’s common law within the sport that players and coaches accept refereeing judgments without abusive disagreement but in recent times, the game has been caught up in controversy due to reactions over refereeing decisions.

During the 2021 British and Irish Lions and South Africa test series, South Africa head coach Rassie Erasmus has taken the disrespect of officials to a whole new level, as he openly criticised the officiating of the first test match between the two sides.

In an hour-long video, Erasmus let out his fury towards Australian referee Nick Berry in which he analysed 26 clips from the game of incidents which he believed were blatant mistakes.

In the video, he said: "It's comical the respect the [officials] showed towards the South African players compared to the Lions players.

"Let the Springboks and the Lions have an equal chance on the field when it comes to laws, respect, the way players are treated, what is said in the coaches' pre-match meeting with the referees, how they give feedback post-match and how things are said in the media.

"When Siya [Kolisi] spoke to the referee and when Alun Wyn [Jones] spoke to the referee, I just felt the reactions on how they treated both those players, there was a vast difference between who he was taking serious and who he wasn't taking serious."

Erasmus ends the video by saying that he recorded the video “in my personal capacity, and not as part of the Springboks”, even offering to quit his position for the remainder of the series.

But when you’re the head coach of the world champions in any sport, let alone rugby union, recording a video criticising a referee is entirely inappropriate.

Despite his claims that neither Nick Berry nor World Rugby provided feedback on the officiating during the first test, Erasmus raised his complaints in a totally unprofessional manner.

In response to the video, Rugby Australia defended Nick Berry and deemed the comments from Erasmus as "unacceptable", while World Rugby reacted by saying they would be taking up the matter with the South African Rugby Union.

Erasmus has never been afraid to speak out, but his comments towards referees has cast a shadow over the already disrupted Lions Tour in South Africa.

In the week running up to the first test, Erasmus refused to disassociate himself from a burner Twitter account named “Jaco Johan”, which carries video clips of controversial refereeing incidents for the previous games of the tour.

“When something makes sense to me I like to retweet it,” Erasmus said. “If you do analyse the things that he is supposed to see, then you are actually spot on with the integrity of the game.”

It’s also not the first time that the Springbok head coach has been caught up in controversy regarding the officiating in rugby.

Back in 2019, the then New Zealand head coach Steve Hansen accused Erasmus of trying to pressure referees into preferential treatment towards his team, after the South Africa boss suggested that the All Blacks had for years received soft officiating during matches.

Debate surrounding refereeing decisions has been a constant theme of the Lions series, with the tourists also raising concerns regarding the appointment of a South African television match official in the first game.

With South Africa going on to claim victory in the second Test, Erasmus could claim that his mind games paid off, especially considering several decisions went the Springboks' way.

Regardless, raising concerns about refereeing in rugby should be done in a respectful manner and in that regard, Erasmus missed the mark completely during the 2021 Lions tour.

[socialoutsiderwritings]

Missed Opportunities and a Happy Ending.

 I’m new to writing for these characters and I’ve only ever watched the anime. I don’t know much about the manga except for whatever is already confirmed, and floating around on here and on twitter. So if they seem OOC, I'm sorry. Also, I love Toru Oikawa with all my being. He’s my favorite from the anime. The little drama that happens between Y/N and Oikawa is just to add spice to the story, ok. 

 Warnings: a meddling Oikawa. Rooster head and the owl jumping on the meddling train too. 

 “R/C/N” Rugby Captain’s Name. (I didn’t know what name to give him.)

  “Y/F/N” Your friend’s name (Friend 1/2/3)

 Hajime Iwaizumi x Y/N

  “Ugh,” Oikawa groaned, closing his eyes and shifting his head from side to side to relieve the tension in his neck. “We don’t have any games until next season but we still have a lot to improve.” Oikawa said as he continued walking. It was only when he didn’t get a response from his best friend that he opened his eyes. “Iwa?” He turned to look behind him.

  Oikawa saw his best friend looking out towards the field. The cheerleaders were out there practicing later than usual, while the rugby team was gathering up the equipment they had used. Iwaizumi never had an interest in rugby so Oikawa knew there was one particular cheerleader he was staring at.

 Oikawa smirked to himself and went to stand by his best friend. “You’ve been crushing on her for the past year and a half, when are you going to ask her out?”

 “What are you talking about?” Iwaizumi muttered, walking again.

 “It’s not like you’re strangers. We’ve known her since middle school. I’m sure if you ask her out, she’ll say yes.” Oikawa continued, following after him.

 “It’s because I’ve known her since middle school that I don’t ask her out. I know I’m not her type.”

 Oikawa laughed at that. “You’re so helpless.”

 “You’re one to talk. Your girlfriend dumped you after a month.” Iwaizumi scoffed.

 “And I still have no idea what I did wrong.” Oikawa sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. There was a short pause. “Listen, Iwa, I know all those years of girls using you to get to me have shattered your confidence when it comes to dating-”

 “Do you want to get your ass kicked right now?” Iwaizumi practically yells.

 “I was actually going to give genuine advice.” Oikawa frowns. Iwaizumi calmed down and allowed Oikawa to continue. “Y/N is not like that. She really likes you. And I can prove it.” Iwaizumi stood there as Oikawa ran towards the entrance of the field and called out her name as loud as he could.

 “What are you doing?!” Iwaizumi chased after him. He stopped next to Oikawa who was still smiling and waving like an idiot at her until she noticed them. He could see her more clearly now but she was still far away. Iwaizumi saw the grin on her face when she spotted the pair and waved back. Thinking this was it to Oikawa’s plan, Iwa waved back. “Great,” he remarked sarcastically, “she waved at us. Now let's go.” He shoved him.

 “Five minutes!” Y/N yelled back, while holding up her hand. Without a word, Oikawa grabbed Iwa by the back of his jacket and led him towards the bleachers.

“What the hell are you doing? This isn’t funny.” Iwaizumi still followed and sat down on the bleacher.

 “It’s getting late. We can’t let her walk home alone.” Oikawa calmly explained. “Well at least I’m not going to let her.” He looked at Iwaizumi from the corner of his eye to look at his reaction. Iwaizumi’s brow furrowed. He visibly relaxed, silently agreeing with Oikawa.

 If Iwa wasn’t going to take direct advice from him, then he was just going to take matters into his own hands and give him one big shove. He was going to get Y/N and Iwaizumi together, no matter what. For a price, of course.

 Oikawa looked forward again, “you know,” he began, “Y/N really does look cute in that uniform. I wonder how good she’d look in one of our volleyball jerseys.”

 Iwaizumi’s face flushed red. First from the thought of her in his jersey, then jealousy from Oikawa’s comment before that. “You shit head!” He yelled lunging at his friend.

 “I was just kidding!” Oikawa screamed, holding his arms out to keep Iwaizumi at a distance.

 “You goofballs.” Someone laughed. Iwaizumi slowly turned to look over his shoulder. There she was looking down at them with one hand on her hip and in her uniform. Oikawa was right. She did look good in that uniform. But now the image of her in his jersey was something he wanted to make a reality. “Thanks for waiting.” She smiled, ignoring the fact they were just fighting seconds ago.

 “Absolutely.” Oikawa beamed, pushing the dumbfounded Iwaizumi off of him. “What kind of friends would we be if we let you walk home alone.” Oikawa walked around his best friend, throwing an arm over her shoulder and giving her his signature smile. “Cutie.” He booped her nose.

 Y/N laughed at that and softly shook her head, allowing Oikawa to lead the way. Iwaizumi stood up and dusted himself off. Out of all the crazy things Oikawa’s been doing lately, this was the craziest. Oikawa was always the center of attention of the two when it came to girls. It was easy for him to get a girl to swoon over him with just a smile.

 “Iwa-chan~.” He called over his shoulder, “aren’t you coming? I know it sucks being the third wheel but we can’t leave you behind either.”

 “Why you little.” he growled, gripping his bag, ready to throw it right at his friend’s head.

 Y/N removed Oikawa’s arm from around her shoulder, “You’re always picking on him, Toru!” She softly punched his side. Oikawa looked down at her surprised, but then laughed it off, rubbing where she had hit him. “How would you like it if we,” she grabbed Iwaizumi’s arm and pulled him closer to her, “made you feel like the third wheel?”

 Iwaizumi’s eyes darted down to where her arms were wrapped around his. She was always grabbing on to him, leaning on him or touching him in any kind of way, so he was used to it. But for some reason, this particular action followed by her words made him feel all warm inside. “Let’s go.” Iwaizumi’s feet started moving as she pulled him along.

 Oikawa sneakily winked at Iwaizumi when his friend walked ahead of him. “I didn’t mean it. Please come back.” Oikawa begged. By the look on his face though, he wasn’t much too worried about it. In fact, he looked like he had accomplished a difficult feat.

What the hell is he planning? Iwaizumi thought.

 “Who the hell are you kidding?” Y/N looked over her shoulder at him, laughing. “Come on, dork. I don’t want to get home too late.” She stopped and waited for Oikawa to catch up and then proceeded to walk again once he did. “Practice kick your ass, too?” She sighs, resting her face on Iwaizumi’s bicep.

 He looked down at her with a small smirk. “No more than usual.” Iwaizumi said and softly ruffled the top of her head.

Boy, he bounces back fast. Oikawa thought to himself.

 Oikawa trekked along behind them, silently. This was his way of proving his point to Iwaizumi. The next phase of his plan was coming. He just needed to wait until the right moment.

 Y/N looked up and smiled at Iwaizumi as he talked to her about whatever it was; Oikawa didn’t care much to pay attention. Maybe it was his jealousy or the joy he got from watching his friends and how good they looked together. 

 Iwaizumi tilted his head and smiled down at her; but not any regular smile. This one was different, and Oikawa could just tell. Unintentionally, Oikawa pouted and turned his face to the side to look away.

 Jealousy. It was definitely jealousy. But this was for his best friend after all. One day of being excluded wasn’t going to kill him.

“I’ll catch you guys tomorrow.” Oikawa announces, walking in the opposite direction when they reached an intersection.

“Where are you going? The subway is this way.” Iwaizumi stopped and turned to yell at him.

 Oikawa smiled to himself and proceeded to walk, “I forgot I have plans with someone.” He lied. “Bye~.” He waved at them without turning back.

 “He’s such a liar.” Y/N giggled. “Better get him home before he gets lost.” She tried to hold back her yawn, but failed. Iwaizumi looked down at her. Even though she had told him to go after Toru, she was still holding on to his arm. He softly pat the top of her head and held her closer to him.

“Let’s get you home first. It’s getting late.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 “How did it go? Did you finally ask her out?” Oikawa asked with a huge smile on his face when he sat down at their usual lunch table.

 “You asshole. I knew you ditched us on purpose!” He reached over, gripping Oikawa’s shirt collar. Oikawa rolled his eyes and removed Iwaizumi’s grip on his school uniform. Iwaizumi took a minute to cool down before answering Oikawa’s question. “I was going to,” he admitted, “but I didn’t.”

 “After I set it up for you? Are you kidding me?” Oikawa couldn’t help but be offended.

 “It wasn’t my fault.” Iwaizumi argued. “That jerk from the rugby team was outside her house waiting for her.”

“So?”

“What do you mean ‘so’?” Irritation evident in his voice and face now.  “He was supposed to drive her home after practice. He even had her bags.”

 Oikawa dramatically sighed, “You’re missing the point, Iwa. Who cares if he was supposed to drive her home. She chose to walk home with you.”

“She didn’t have a choice. We ambushed her after practice and you lied about having other plans. She had no other choice but to walk with me.” Iwaizumi internally cringed. The way he said it, he was obviously trying to convince himself of that fact. Obviously Oikawa would notice his blatant lie.

 Oikawa shook his head at his best friend in pure disappointment. Iwa rolled his eyes and continued to eat his lunch. “Scaredy cat.” Oikawa muttered under his breath. He got up from the table with his food and left. Iwazumi growled under his breath, his grip on his utensils tightening. He didn’t want to admit it, but Oikawa was right.

 She had no interest in the captain of the rugby team. The entire time she spoke with him, she never let go of Iwaizumi. She politely thanked him and sent him on his way. But Iwaizumi’s fear of rejection got the better of him. Even after seeing her smile falter when all he did was say good night, he couldn’t work the courage back up.

“Maybe we can make this a daily routine.” She had said to him. “You’re really comfortable to sleep on on the subway.” She laughed. Iwaizumi’s right shoulder suddenly felt heavy as he remembered the memory.

She sat down close to him, her leg touching his. He had pulled out a book to read just to pass time, since she was so tired, and Y/N rested her head on his shoulder. At first he thought she was reading along with him. But in the reflection of the window he could see her eyes were shut. She had used his shoulder as a pillow and Iwaizumu loved the sight of it. Just her, snuggled up close to him, and resting.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 The following two weeks Oikawa didn’t bring the subject up again. But the two of them continued to walk her home after practice. Oikawa, making up little reasons to leave them alone every now and again. And each time, Iwaizumi chickened out when he was about to ask her out.

 Her arm would brush against his, or her hand against his, and she would drift closer to Iwa as they walked together, just the two of them. He wanted so badly to hold her hand or pull her in closer to him but he was too embarrassed, so he didn’t. Instead, he offered to carry her bags. If he had his hands full then he wouldn’t feel so much like an idiot (scaredy cat).

 Today wasn’t supposed to be any different. They were going to meet her by the lockers and walk her home. That was the plan. Just like all the other days. But she didn’t go back to the locker room after practice. She wasn’t even on the field either.

Iwaizumi pulled out his cellphone ready to call her, when he heard her laugh coming from ahead. He looked up and saw her, sitting on a motorcycle and the captain of the rugby team standing in front of her, laughing as well.

“Well, that’s unexpected.” Oikawa said under his breath. He glanced over at Iwaizumi and noticed how he made himself look taller and balled his hands into fists. “Violence doesn't look good on you, Iwa.” he smirked. Iwaizumi didn’t respond but he did react. He took in a few calming breaths and relaxed his hands. “Y/N.” Oikawa smiled.

“Hey,” She smiled at Iwaizumi first then at Oikawa. Iwaizumi’s jealousy and anger diminished when he saw her smile. “You remember, R/C/N, right?”

 R/C/N extended his hand out to greet the other boys. Iwaizumi squeezed the rugby captain’s hand, harder than he normally did when greeting someone, “What’s up, man.” R/C/N returned the smile and pulled his hand back. “We good?” He looked at Y/N.

 “We’re fine.” She answered. “I’ll see you at the game tomorrow.” She told the other boy. He only nodded and watched as the trio walked away. Iwazumi’s jealousy got the best of him and he couldn’t stop himself from asking what happened while grabbing her gym bag from her. “Nothing, really. Both of our practices were cancelled.” She replied. “It was just a coincidence we were both waiting.” She walked in between them.

“Waiting?” He asked.

“He’s waiting for his girlfriend.” She replies. “And since we’ve been walking home together,” he nudged the two boys with her elbows, “I thought why not wait with him.” She shrugged.

 Iwaizumi began feeling a mixture of emotions. He was happy that she had waited for them but he was still jealous that she had been waiting with R/C/N the entire time. And he was feeling a little embarrassed as well. He knows she doesn’t like R/C/N in that way and there was no need for him to almost break his hand. Although R/C/N didn’t seem to be fazed by it.

 “It’s been a long day.” She stretched her arms up in the air and let out a short yawn. Iwaizumi was prepared for her to cling on to his arm to rest her head. But instead of grabbing his arm, she grabbed Oikawa’s. Oikawa looked down at her, completely shocked.

 Iwaizumi was unsure how to react. Should he be mad at Oikawa even though he didn’t do anything? Did he really wait too long to ask her out and now she was into Oikawa? None of the answers to those questions satisfied Iwaizumi.

 Oikawa, taking advantage of the situation, smiled and slowly reached over to pat her head. Iwaizumi caught the movement from the corner of his eye and caught his wrist mid-air to stop him. Y/N’s head turned to the side to look at Iwaizumi, Oikawa snatching his arm back before she could notice.

 “Is it heavy?” She asks. Iwaizumi stared at her, confused. “My bag.” She pointed down at it. He looked down to where she was pointing and quickly realized he had unintentionally hit her with her own bag when he grabbed Oikawa’s wrist. “I kind of snapped the strap on my bookbag.” She laughed softly, as if embarrassed to admit it. “So all of my books and stuff are shoved in there with my gym clothes, too. Maybe I should just carry it. Your shoulders still probably hurt. I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think-” She reached for her gym bag but Iwaizumi stopped her.

“It’s fine. It’s not heavy at all.” He told her. “And my shoulder is fine. It was nothing.” He rolls his shoulder to prove it to her. She gave him a small, thankful smile and leaned against Oikawa again. He glanced down at her gym bag. Iwaizumi couldn’t even tell that it had gotten heavier. Then it dawned on him. Is that why she didn’t lean on him this time? With the weight of the bag and her holding on to him, was she afraid of hurting his shoulder? He didn’t even injure it, it was just sore from the new workout routine. He couldn’t believe she remembered that.

 Iwaizumi smiled to himself. She didn’t lean on Oikawa because she liked him, she just didn’t want to accidentally hurt him. He gently placed his hand on the top of her head, softly ruffling her hair and she turned to look at him with a bright (albeit tired) smile.

 “Do you want us to go with you tomorrow or should we just meet you there?” Oikawa asked, pulling her attention to him.

 “I’ll see you over there.” She replied. “I told Y/F/N I would help her get ready.”

 “What’s happening tomorrow?” Iwaizumi asked. Oikawa and Y/N stopped in their tracks. “What?” He asked, stopping as well.

“The first rugby match of the season is tomorrow.” Y/N replied, offended. “You said you were gonna go. How could you forget?”

“Seriously, Iwa. She’s been talking about it nonstop. She helped come up with the new routine that she’s so excited for us to watch.” Oikawa joined in.

“I didn’t forget.” Iwa defended himself.

Y/N looked up at Oikawa. “Drag him there if you have to.” She tells him.

“I plan to.” Oikawa smiled, mischievously.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Iwaizumi and Oikawa took their seats on the bleachers. Luckily, for Oikawa he didn’t have to drag Iwa. He was ready to go and standing outside Oikawa’s place before he even called him.

Oikawa made sure they had gotten there early, so they could get the best seats. Front and center. Iwaizumi looked around. The bleachers were practically entirely empty, save for a few of the parents and some students from the photography club.

 “It’s still early.” Oikawa told him. “There should be more people coming,” a mischievous smirk slowly appeared on Oikawa’s lips, “I hear most of the spectators are boys from other schools who only come to these games to watch the cheerleaders.” Iwaizumi slowly turned his head, deadly eyes staring right at Oikawa. Oikawa gulped, “Ok, Iwa-chan. No more jokes.” He waved his hands in surrender.

 As time passed, Iwaizumi noticed what Oikawa had said was true. More people had shown up, mostly students and families from their school. They all sat together and the visiting school’s family and friends sat in the bleachers on the opposite side of the field.

 It was definitely a bigger audience than they had at their own games. The little green monster within Iwaizumi was starting to reveal itself. All these people were going to see you perform in the cheerleading outfit he loved so much.

He groaned to himself, rubbing his face with his hands. Don’t be jealous, you idiot. He thought to himself. You don’t even have the guts to ask her out.

“Hey hey hey!” “Oika’a!”

 Iwaizumi dragged his hands down his face. He should’ve seen this coming. Oikawa meddling, practically pushing him to ask Y/N out was one thing. He could handle that. But Oikawa plus Bokuto and Kuroo - he was going to explode.

Kuroo sat down on the other side of Iwaizumi. He put an arm over his shoulders and smiled smugly at him, “Hey, Hajime. Excited to watch the game?”

“Game?” Bokuto asked. “I thought we were here to-” Oikawa covered Bokuto’s mouth before he could finish that sentence.

 “Not even trying to be discreet about it, huh?” Iwa looked over at Kuroo, slightly irritated. “I hope Kenma gave you an earful about how shitty you’re all being.”

 “No clue what you’re talking about.” Kuroo removed his arm from Iwa and looked out towards the field. “Just here to watch a good game of rugby.”

 “You don’t even want to know what Akaashi said.” Bokuto laughed and sat on the other side of Kuroo.

 Oikawa avoided making eye contact with Iwaizumi. Smart idea. Iwaizumi seemed to be collected on the outside but he was practically fuming on the inside. The announcer’s voice came on the speaker as they introduced the two teams, the captains, the coaches and the start of the game.

 Iwaizumi was focused on the game, allowing himself to calm down and ultimately forgetting about Oikawa, Bokuto and Kuroo. For a while. 

 Cheers came from one side of the bleachers and the cheerleading team came out running onto the track, waving their pom poms in the air. Y/N was the sixth in the line. She stopped right in front of Iwaizumi, where she felt she could see him the best and smiled up at him. He blushed slightly. With all the people around him, her eyes were only on him.

“Y/N!” Oikawa yelled. Suddenly, him, Kuroo, and Bokuto jumped up and lifted their shirts up to reveal their abs. On their bodies they had each written a word to make out, We love Y/N.

He’s gonna die. I’m going to kill him. Was written all over Iwaizumi’s face.

 Y/N’s eyes widened and her mouth hung open, slightly. A nudge from the girl next to her and she was brought back to reality. She waved at the boys, forcing her embarrassed smile to look more genuine. She didn’t look in their direction again after that.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 The game was over in an instant; Aoba Johsai winning by a landslide. The four boys were waiting for Y/N by the gate. Iwaizumi was a little relieved with the fact that the three assholes haven’t tried anything after their fiasco. And now that the game was over, he wasn’t going to have to deal with any of their nonsense from here on out. At least that’s what he could’ve hoped for.

 Y/N walked up to them along with three other girls, who were (kind of) hiding behind her. She was wearing casual clothes now. A sight Iwaizumi rarely saw. He could feel his heart leap in his chest. She looked beautiful.

“Hey guys.” She smiled, but it was small and it was gone in a flash. “These are my friends. F/1, F/2 and F/3. This is Hajime, Toru, Kuroo, and Kotaro.” She pointed at each of the boys when she introduced them. The girls blushed when they shyly greeted the boys.

“Y/N,” Bokuto smiled, “That routine was great.” He complimented.

“You really killed it out there.” Kuroo added. “You all did.” He smiled at Y/N’s friends.

“I’m surprised she was able to concentrate after what you did.” F/1 laughed. “If I had my own fans like all of you I most likely would’ve botched.”

“Seriously, Y/N. You’re so lucky you have the hottest guys in the prefecture cheering you on.” F/3 added with a wink.

 Y/N scratched the back of her head, politely smiling. “Yeah.. lucky me.” She replied. But to Iwaizumi it was obvious she did not feel that way. “Anyway, should we get going? I’m starving.” Y/N’s friends followed after the three boys and Y/N stayed behind to walk alongside Iwaizumi.

There was something off about her. She kept her gaze down and she was holding her hands in front of her. She even maintained the space between her and Iwaizumi. He could tell something was wrong. “Do you want to go somewhere else? To eat?” She didn’t even look at him when she asked.

 Iwa didn’t fully process the reason for her question, before saying, “No. It’s ok. I’m not that hungry.”

 Y/N mouthed a small ‘oh’. 

 They continued walking behind the others in silence for a while. “I’m glad they were able to join us last minute,” she said about her friends. “I didn’t know Kuroo and Kotaro were coming.”

 “It was a shock to me, too.” Iwaizumi grumbled. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, anger rising inside him again.

 Oikawa looked over his shoulder and Iwaizumi could swear he had just glared at him. Oikawa stopped walking and turned around while the others kept walking on ahead. When Iwaizumi and Y/N were close enough, Oikawa smiled. “You’re not mad at us, are you, Y/N?” He lowered himself so he could be eye level with her. She slowly lifted her head, glaring at him.

 Y/N had no words. She only slapped Oikawa across the face. Even though she was angry at him, she couldn’t bring herself to slap him full force. But she made sure it hurt. “You idiot. That was so embarrassing!”

 He stepped back, his smile now gone, unexpecting that kind of reaction from her. Iwaizumi looked on as well. She was biting her lip and fighting hard to keep herself from crying. Too dumb to realize why it was embarrassing, Y/N reached into her gym bag, grabbing a fistful of folded up and crumpled paper along with other things and slapped them onto Oikawa’s hand. “Most of these were given to me in person. Some of them were sent to be given to me.”

 Oikawa looked at the notes in his hands. Iwaizumi grabbed a few and looked at them as well. They had phone numbers along with names written on them. Some even added notes, like ‘call me’, ‘you’re hot’, and ‘let’s have a good time.’

 “I’m going home.” Y/N’s words made him look at her. She wasn’t staring at either of them. “I’ll see you guys later.” She walked around Oikawa. 

 Oikawa wanted to go after her and apologize. He didn’t mean for that to happen, he just wanted Iwaizumi to grow his balls back. When he turned, Iwaizumi grabbed the back of his shirt and yanked him back to stop him.

“You’ve done enough.” He told him.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Iwaizumi couldn’t go to sleep without knowing if she was going to be ok or not. After teaching Oikawa a lesson, he made his way to her house. He had texted her to make sure it was alright and she told him to let himself in.

 He opened her bedroom door to find her lying down, wrapped in her blanket like a burrito. He stripped himself of his jacket and sat down behind her. He wanted to come make sure she was ok but he couldn’t even open his mouth to ask.

 “I’m such an asshole!” She broke the silence, startling Iwaizumi. He took a second to process her words.

 “Huh?!” He rolled her so she was facing him. “Why are you an asshole?!” She didn’t do anything wrong, at least not that he’s seen.

 “I slapped Toru really hard.” She pouted. He looked at her in disbelief. Was she really upset because she slapped Oikawa and not because of what he did? “I didn’t mean it.” She continued. “It’s not like it was his fault. He didn’t know. This is all my fault,” she turned away from Iwa, “I should’ve just kept my mouth shut.”

 “Hold on,” Iwaizumi pulled her to turn her his way again, “Toru got what he deserved. And what do you mean it’s your fault? Kept your mouth shut about what?”

 Y/N unraveled herself out of the blanket and sat up. “If I tell you, will you promise not to laugh? Or think I’m weird or anything crazy like that?” Iwaizumi nodded.

“Ok, well,” she looked down at her hands, nervously, “there was this guy on the team. He kept asking me out and I turned him down each time but he just wasn’t getting the picture. Just to get him off my back, R/C/N agreed to drive me home after practice that day and just pretend to like me or whatever. This was before him and his girlfriend were official. But then you and Toru showed up and walked me home and then R/C/N showed up at my house the same night and he thought it would be a better idea if he were to just tell the other guy that he saw you walking me home and it’s better for him to just back off and leave me alone, right? So he really believed we were dating, and then that news spread and a lot of the other students believed it too. And I don’t know, I just really loved the fact that everyone believed that you were my boyfriend and I didn’t want them to think otherwise so I didn’t say anything. But then those idiots went off and pulled off that stunt and everyone thought you broke up with me and I was just trying to make you jealous. Rebound..y’know.”

She had spat everything out so fast, Iwaizumi was still hearing her words long after she had stopped talking.

“And I just really loved the fact everyone believed you were my boyfriend.” She really loved that? He was so scared of getting rejected and this whole time she accepted him as a boyfriend. A pretend one, but still.

 She was staring at him. Waiting for his reaction. Waiting for his words. Waiting for something but he remained still and quiet. Taking that as a bad sign, Y/N’s face had gone from nervous to full blown mortified.

“Oh my Gosh! That was so stupid of me.” She brought her hands up to cover her face, shying away from Iwaizumi. “I would understand if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore. It was stupid of me to do that.” She said into her hands.

“Are you serious?” Iwaizumi grabbed her wrists, bringing her hands down from her face. She closed her eyes and turned away from him. “I was too scared to ask you out and this whole time we’ve been dating?” Y/N whipped her head to stare at him. He wasn’t mad, he wasn’t looking at her like she was crazy, he wasn’t even embarrassed either. He was looking at her with wide eyes, like he was surprised. “Will you take me back?”

 Y/N tilted her in confusion, but she couldn’t hold back her sudden laughter. Iwaizumi laughed along with her. He couldn’t tell if it was a joyous laughter or one of relief but he was just happy that he was able to make her feel better and confess to her at the same time.

“I was expecting something more extravagant but, yeah, I guess i’ll take you back.” Her laughter slowly dying down. 

 “I’m serious. I want to do this right.”

“Hajime,” she sighs, gently pulling him to lay down with her and wrapped her arms around one of his. “You could paint it all over my face and my answer would still be yes.” A short pause. “I’m not saying you can do it.” She warned him.

 “Don’t tell Oikawa just yet.” Y/N looked up at Iwaizumi for further explanation. “Assholes gotta learn his lesson. He can’t embarrass my girl like that and get away with it. Not yet.”

“Hajime,” she said sternly, lifting herself up to sit up to look down at him. Iwaizumi had his eyes closed and pulled her down gently to lay down again. “What did you do?” She returned to her previous position.

“Nothing too bad.” He ruffled the top of your head. “Just that I wasn’t going to talk to him until he made up with you.” He smirked.

“Hajime Iwaizumi!” She shot up and softly pushed against his chest. He sat up laughing. “That is so mean. He’s probably going through it right now.” She reached over Iwaizumi, for her phone that was on the bedside table behind him. Iwaizumi wrapped his arms around her abdomen and pulled her back and placed her under him.

“What are you doing?” She tried to push him away but he didn’t move.

“Just a couple of days.” he tells her. “He’ll be fine.” He flopped back on to his side of the bed and opened his arms, “you’ve slept on my arm and my shoulder so far.. But right here is more comfortable.”

 Y/N grabbed the blanket pulling it over them as she laid down on Iwaizumi’s chest, snuggling up to him, frowning the whole time. “It is.” She gave in. Iwaizumi wrapped his arms around her, plating a soft kiss on the top of her head.

[mymelodyheart]

Starting Over Chapter 25 ~The Not So Wee Misunderstanding~

Geillis and Claire were sat in the waiting area of the A&E holding each other's hands. The doctor assured them, to their relief, that uncle Lamb had suffered only a severe case of indigestion, but they needed to do more test and find out why he'd collapsed outside his apartment. Claire surmised uncle Lamb must have thought he was having a heart attack and had decided to settle himself on the floor where he was more likely to be found. Uncle Lamb was clever and practical like that. Except of course for instances when he refused to have a mobile phone, and it frustrated the hell out of Claire whenever she couldn't reach him.

"Good ol' Lamby is going to be just fine," Geillis reassured her, squeezing her hand.

"Of course. Uncle Lamb is a tough cookie," Claire agreed, nodding. "I can almost see him fretting about all the fuss once he finds out he's only had indigestion. It's a good thing they're looking him over. He's far too stubborn to go and see a doctor or let me check him when something's not right. I worry sometimes." 

"Aye, and not to mention, he gave us a hell of a scare!" Geillis added, clucking her tongue.

"That he did, indeed." 

Geillis shook her head in amusement and checked her phone. "Still no answer from Joe. But dinnae fash lass ...he will see our message soon. He's usually always checking his Twitter account."

Meeting her eyes for the first time since they'd left the club, Claire gave her a small smile. "Thank you, Geillis."

She huffed. "For what?"

"For being such a great friend. For jumping into the taxi and coming with me without a second thought." Claire's eyes began to water, but she had a small grin on her face. "I'm sorry you're missing out on chatting up some cute guys in the club."

"Ach, ye would've done the same for me," Geillis remarked with a wave of a hand. "Jamie would be miffed though when he finds out ye're missing. But I'm pretty certain he'll understand. Lamby is yer family." Geillis gave her a dimpled smirk. "And save those tears for Jamie when he gives ye a hard time for running off just like that. He'll be out of his mind knowing ye're here at Frank's workplace."

Claire laughed nervously. "About that ...Jamie told me Frank is suspended from work and under investigation by the board. He even suggested I can probably come back and finish my residency program here." She sighed. "Jamie's lawyer is compiling a case against him so he wouldn't be able to hurt me in any way anymore. Frank will probably just end up going back to England to save face."

Geillis let out a huge breath. "I can so see Frank doing that. The board might be mostly his friends, but those hoity-toities wouldn't want to be dragged into his legal problems. Joe told me, Jamie's lawyer is a beast in court, and he'll pull all the stops to win. And ye have a solid case, and there's a picture of Frank attacking ye from those reporters who were lurking outside yer house. Frank's cronies will probably advise him to move to save himself from a full-blown scandal, especially now that they ken ye have the media's full attention because ye're with Jamie. Ye ken what Frank is like ... he's all about maintaining that clean image."

"Jesus, I wish it didn't have to come to this. I don't want Frank to lose his licence. He's too much of a brilliant doctor."

Geillis put an arm around her. "Dinnae feel sorry for him, hen. He made his own bed ...ye ken what they say. Just think of all those years Frank made ye miserable. Sometimes I wished it had been me who threw the vase at his smug face."

Claire laughed. "Enough of that talk," she gently chided. "Any news from the lads yet?" 

Geillis had left Joe several messages earlier that explained where they were and what had happened and asked him to call back before charging into the hospital. It was Joe's night, and Claire didn't want them worrying or ending their celebration. Nor did she want Jamie to leave the party abruptly when there was nothing he could do at the hospital.

Geillis shook her head. "He's no' picking up. I left him five voicemails already. I'm sure he'll get back to me when he sees it."

So they settled down in their seats, grabbed a couple of magazines left lying about and browsed while they waited.

After two hours, uncle Lamb was wheeled out, ready to be taken home. 

And after all this time, there was still no call from Jamie or Joe. So they decided to take uncle Lamb home and help him settle for the night.

..........

It was 2:00 AM, and uncle Lamb persistently refused to go to bed. After they all arrived at his apartment, much to Claire's mounting frustration, her uncle immediately went to his study to go through some paperwork. Resigned, she and Geillis sat in the kitchen drinking herbal teas, the alcohol from earlier already wearing off.

Claire's thoughts drifted to Jamie, getting more worried that Joe hadn't responded back. At first, she thought maybe Joe had lost his phone, but then Geillis had already left two messages on Jamie's number after she'd given it to her. Perhaps they're all too drunk and having too much of a great time to realise they're missing.

"Ye're staying here for the night?" Geillis asked in-between bites of shortbread cookies. "If ye are, ye willnae be able to charge yer phone."

"I'll stay here for the night, and I'll just have to do without a phone. You already sent a message to Jamie and Joe we're here with uncle Lamb. No need to chop and change and confuse them unnecessarily, especially if they had a lot to drink."

"Weel, then if ye're staying here, I better get going soon ..."

"It's late Geillis. You can stay. There's plenty of room. And I have a few clothes here you can borrow."

Geillis shook her head and smiled. "Thanks but no thanks. I like my own bed. I'll finish my tea, and then I'll go."

"Uncle Lamb makes a mean fry-up, and he's got proper coffee," Claire proffered, making a funny face at her friend.

Geillis laughed. "Aye, he does too. The breakfast is tempting, but I have a few gigs coming up for a back to back children's party, and I really need to organise that tomorrow."

"Fine, let's finish up and get you a taxi. I'm getting tired, myself."

They were just washing down their butter cookies with tea when the phone on the table began to vibrate non-stop. Thinking it could Joe or Jamie, Geillis quickly swiped the screen. 

Claire apprehensively watched her friend's face changed from eagerness to read the message to utter shock. "What? What is it? Is it Joe?"

"Holy Mother of God! My friend just messaged me. Ye're never gonnae believe this," she muttered, furiously swiping the screen. "There's a photo of ye circulating in Twitter saying ye left the club hastily because Jamie was caught cheating on ye. Someone must have recognised ye at the club, took a picture and posted it ..."

"Oh, bloody hell!" Claire bristled, raising her hand in the air in frustration. "Turn that off, Geillis. Jamie was right. I shouldn't read what's written about him online. People will always translate a photo into something that's not. Let them speculate. By the time weekend is over, Jamie's fans will be onto something else."

"B-but ..." Geillis face had turned red.

"What?!?"

Geillis handed her the phone.

Claire glanced at the grainy photo of Jamie with Morag leaning close to his ears as if she was whispering something, and she enlarged it to get a better look. She shrugged and thought nothing of it as it had been evident from the start, blondie was openly throwing herself at her boyfriend. Then she read the comments, skimming through every hashtag about Jamie.

Jamie Fraser getting cosy with a blonde who is most definitely not his girlfriend.

Already trouble in paradise for new couple Fraser/Beauchamp.

Poor Beauchamp left the club crying.

We all know how the saying goes: "A leopard can't change its spots."

And then more photos began to emerge, and what she saw next, she definitely didn't like. "Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ ...I swear to God I'm going to cut off his balls and make Haggis out of it!!"

..........

"Hey, buddy, wake up!"

Joe?

Jamie tried to push through the haze and open his eyes, but the mounting pressure on his skull was like a balloon slowly being inflated under his cranium. Efforts to move, to breathe or to think, made the ache in his head ebb and flow like a cold tide and caused nausea to tumble in waves. 

He felt deft fingers pressed the pulse on the side of his neck and heard the scuffling of shoes. 

"I think we should get him to the hospital or call the emergency," an unfamiliar voice said.

"I'm a doctor. He'll be alright. Can you get him a bottle of water please?" 

Joe's calm response soothed him. Knowing he was in good hands, Jamie began to relax and tried to slip back into the depths of unconsciousness where his head didn't hurt. Joe had been his former rugby team's doctor and had mended him countless of time during sporting injuries. Without question, Joe would take care of him. 

He felt a light tap to the side of his face. "Jamie, I need you to wake up. Can you hear me?"

He forced his eyes open. "W-what? ..." he rasped, the brightness of the light above him hurting his brain.

"Alright, easy now, buddy," Joe hushed, helping him sit upright.

He squinted at Joe's worried face, and then slowly scanned his surroundings. He was half-lying on the club's sofa in the VIP room. Through the glass wall, he saw Willie and Rabbie talking to a distressed-looking Morag and the bouncer. The place was lit, the music low and all the clubbers were gone except for the staff who were busy clearing up. He jolted up, and the sudden movement brought a stabbing pain to his head.

He groaned out loud.  Christ Almighty, how much did I have to drink?

Joe took the cold bottle of water from the bartender, opened it and gave it to him. "Here, drink this first."

Nodding gratefully, Jamie took the bottle, pressed it against his temple before drinking the whole thing to the last drop. He slumped back and grimaced. He felt like he had been run over by a truck. "Where's everyone else?"

"How do you feel?" Joe asked, ignoring his question and taking the empty bottle from his hand and placing it on the nearby table.

"I feel like shit," Jamie muttered. Then he looked up when Willie and Rabbie walked into the room. They didn't look any better than he did. "Where's Claire?"

"Listen," Joe cut in before Willie or Rabbie could say anything. "How about you go to the bathroom first and splash some cold water to your face? And then we'll talk."

Jamie frowned. "Joe," he said in a low voice. "I asked where Claire is."

There was a long silence as Jamie watched his brothers and Joe gave each other a knowing look.  Why couldn't they just give me a straightforward answer for fuck sake?  Jamie began to worry as his breath got caught in his chest and knew fear for Claire's safety was rapidly gaining in on him.

"Oh for crying out loud! I asked a simple question! Where is Claire?" Jamie pressed, hoping that their behaviour had to do with Claire having had too much to drink and wanted to hide it from him. "I swear to God if I..."

"She's with Geillis!" Rabbie finally said, throwing his hands in the air like he was annoyed or something. 

The look Willie and Joe gave Rabbie didn't go unnoticed. Straightening himself up, Jamie gave them all a warning look. "And where are they?" he demanded, raising his voice a notch, even though it hurt his head to do so.

"Look before anything else," Joe began, "We have a bit of problem we need to address. I think your drink has been spiked. In fact, I'm a hundred per cent sure your drink was spiked."

What the fuck?  

"What?!? What do ye mean spiked?" he shouted, shakily pushing himself up to his feet and ignoring the sharp pain that shot through his brain. He faced Willie, who seemed to be looking at him oddly. "Where is Claire? Why isn't she here? Please tell me I didn't do anything stupid," he said in a low voice to his brother.  Please, please let Claire still be here!  But Willie's face was already telling a totally different story.

"What was the last thing ye remember?" Willie asked calmly, searching his face.

Jamie cudgelled his brain, trying to think back, but something was off. Where there should have been recollections was a blank space, like a white wall bereft of photographs.  What the hell was the last thing I remember?  He remembered entering the private room with Claire and the rest of the group. He remembered Geillis coming to take Claire away and watching them head to the main bar. He hadn't liked the looks from men that followed them, but Claire seemed oblivious and so happy. He also remembered refusing the champagne given to them by the club, opting for a bottle of water instead. And then Morag came in with someone in tow.  Fuck! That was it?  That was all he remembered, and after that was nothing.

Jamie shook his head, hoping the action would clear some of the cobwebs in his addled brain. "I remember everything up to ye giving me grief for drinking water, and Joe ordering whisky and then Morag coming in with someone behind her. But that's it. The rest is blank."

"That's it?" Willie asked, running a hand through his hair.

"Aye. The rest I cannae remember."

"Sit down," Willie ordered.

Jamie hesitated at first but did as he was told. He plopped down on the sofa and massaged his temples, steeling himself for whatever was next.

"It was Forbes that came in with that blonde hostess," Willie explained. 

Jamie's head shot up. "What? What was he doing here?"

"Shut up and listen, will ye," Willie barked. "When ye asked Forbes what he was doing here, he said he'd seen Claire and thought to go looking for ye. He apologised for his behaviour at the awards, and then ye both shook hands. And then Forbes insisted on ordering a round of drinks as a peace offering. When both of ye started to talk shop, we all got up and headed to the dance floor to meet some lassies, and Jen and Ian left." Willie looked at Joe. "Want to take it from here, mate?"

Joe nodded, taking the seat opposite Jamie and bracing his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands. "After a while out there at the main bar, I started to wonder where Geillis and Claire were. Rabbie and I looked everywhere, and we couldn't find them. We even checked the ladies' room. So I pulled out my phone and realised I had missed calls from Geillis. She left a voice message saying she and Claire had gone to the Royal Infirmary because Quentin was taken ill and that Claire's phone battery had died. Since it was an emergency and the club was crowded, they've decided not to waste time and took a taxi. They didn't know how serious the situation was, and Claire wanted to be by her uncle's side without further delay. Geillis instructed me to relay the message to you as soon as possible. Knowing you would want to know immediately, I came here at once and saw ..." He jerked a thumb towards the main bar outside and swallowed hard. "...blondie sat on your lap. It looked like you two were making out. Her hands were all over you."

"What?!?" Jamie's eyes widened in shock, and his heart began to pick up speed, hammering so hard he thought his chest would burst. He got up from the sofa and clenched and unclenched his hands, unsure what to do with them. He noticed the bartender from earlier had already slipped out of the room, and Rabbie unusually quiet, was sitting with his head bowed. "Are ye all messing with me? This better be a fucking joke!" he roared. When no one replied, he clasped his hands behind his head. "Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck! I wouldnae! I swear to God, I didnae. I wouldnae do that to Claire!" He picked up a whisky tumbler that was on the table and threw it at the glass wall, bleakly watching it smash into pieces. That's when he saw Morag being escorted out of the club by the bouncer.

"Jamie for fuck sake! We believe ye!" Rabbie finally spoke up, making Jamie spin around and look at his younger brother. "I was right behind Joe when we saw that lass in yer lap. Ye didnae look like you were doing anything except leaning back and looking daze. But she was all over ye and Forbes was gone. The look in yer face made Joe realised yer drink was spiked. Ye didnae look yersel', and ye were muttering, Sassenach. Even if ye werenae with Claire, ye wouldnae have made out at a place like this. I was about to punch the daylights out of ye, but Joe convinced me ye were acting weird. As soon as I asked the lass what the hell she was doing, she just jumped up from yer lap and left the room. Willie and I warned her already that if we found out she had something to do with spiking yer drink, she'll never work in Edinburgh again."

Jamie absorbed what his younger brother just said and let out a sigh of relief. He didn't know what he would have done if his own family and Claire's best friend accused him of cheating on his lass. "Have ye tried calling Geillis again?" he asked Joe, calmly this time, his breathing and heart rate somewhat back to normal.

Joe winced, and Jamie didn't like the look. "Yes we've tried several times, but there's no answer. And..." he added hastily as if afraid Jamie would explode all over again. "I tried Claire's phone too just in case she managed to charge it up. But no answer as well. They're at Quentin's apartment now. The last update I got, he suffered severe indigestion mistaking it for a heart attack. I'll keep calling, and maybe ...meanwhile, you can head ..."

"Tell him the rest of the story," Willie said in a solemn tone.

"What rest of the story?" Jamie glanced between the three of them.

Rabbie sucked in his breath and grimaced as Willie's face remained impassive.

Joe gave Willie and Rabbie a look of exasperation. "Fine, I'll tell him." Then he turned to Jamie. "A photo of you and blondie has already leaked out on Instagram and Twitter, and some moron with a fake account tagged you. It's only a matter of time before the news outlet gets hold of it and they ran the story of you cheating. We reckon it was Forbes who spiked your drink after catching on blondie having the hots for you and took the pictures. That man is a snake and is set to ruin you. We should have thrown him out when he came in here and ..."

Before Joe could finish his sentence, Jamie was already out the door. He needed to find Claire and sort this mess out. He didn't want to wait the following day because there was the possibility if he did, it would be too late. 

...........

Jamie rang the doorbell of Claire's uncle's apartment. He figured Claire and Geillis would still be up after reading what's been going on the social media. To his surprise, he was immediately buzzed in. By the time he reached Quentin's floor, the apartment door was open, and Claire's uncle was in the hallway waiting for him.

"Quentin, ye're alright. Thank God." Jamie had been expecting resistance, anger and probably at the least, Quentin's disapproving look. But there was none of that. He'd come prepared already bracing himself for the retribution that he expected to come his way. But there was nothing.

"Yes, yes. Just indigestion. Must have been the curry takeaway I'd eaten," Quentin dismissed with a wave of his hand. "I suppose you're here for my niece."

Jamie swallowed hard. "Aye, is she still here?"

"She's asleep already. Come in, come in, I have the kettle on for tea."

Jamie warily followed the older man inside and closed the door behind him. "Ye're not by any chance making stock at this time of the morning are ye?" he asked.

Quentin laughed. "No, don't be daft," he replied, leading the way to the kitchen. "I'm just about to crush some walnuts, and while I'm at it, ye can tell me what the hell is going on."

Jamie winced at his reply the moment he saw a handful of walnuts in a ziplock bag on the kitchen counter, all ready to be crushed with a hammer.

[coppicefics]

Masked Omens: Week Three

New chapter here, or read from the start here!

(Right click picture and select ‘View Image’ or ‘Open Image In New Tab’ for hi-res version.)

[Image Description: Image 1 - A simple rendition of the Masked Singer UK logo, a golden mask with colourful fragments flying off of it. The mask has a golden halo and a golden devil tail protruding from either side. Below, gold text reads ‘Masked Omens’.

Image 2 - A page from the Entertainment section of the Capital Herald, dated Saturday, 9th January, 2021. Full image description and transcript below the cut. End ID.]

The Capital Herald - Saturday, 9th January, 2021 Entertainment

Main story: SECOND SABLE BRAND AMBASSADOR ADMITTED TO HOSPITAL Stunned fans phone in to save the day as model collapses during charity fundraising challenge Model and social media influencer Adam Mann, 29, was rushed to hospital on Friday night after he collapsed during a live webstream. Worried fans alerted the authorities and an ambulance was dispatched to Mann's Kensington home at approximately 8pm last night. Mann's representatives have yet to release a statement, but a source close to him told The Capital Herald that Mann had been feeling unwell for some time. “He's been out of sorts for ages,” she admitted, “and when I looked up the symptoms online, it said it was probably malnutrition. I told him, it's that diet he's on. But Adam wouldn't listen.” Mann is a brand ambassador for Dr Raven Sable's diet and lifestyle products. Earlier this month, another Sable ambassador, Lilith Root, checked into an in-patient facility to begin treatment for an eating disorder. Sable's representatives have so far declined to comment on either incident, despite repeated invitations to do so. Mann is a  dedicated charity campaigner, often urging his peers in the modelling industry to raise awareness and funds using the wry social media hashtag #NotJustAPrettyFace. In the few years since he rose to prominence, he has supported hundreds of charities ranging from local foodbank initiatives to global human rights and animal welfare concerns. “It‘s so like Adam,” our source told us, “to literally collapse in the middle of trying to help someone else. He always puts himself last. I really, really hope he’s OK.” It’s a sentiment that’s been echoed in Twitter threads and on message boards across the internet - including in the comments of Mann’s most recent Instagram post, which was uploaded just an hour before the livestream started. “Ready to take some questions, have some fun and raise some cash for a great cause,” said the caption. “Please Adam, look after yourself and get well soon. You’re so thin in this photo :( xxxx” replied a user  with the handle @adamfann95, three hours later. Similar messages soon followed as news of Mann’s condition spread. At the time of Mann’s collapse, his charity livestream had raised over £15,000 for Lionheart, a charity dedicated to the care and protection of lions and other wild animals who’ve been illegally kept as pets. Since then, fans have continued to make donations in his name, and the charity is now set to receive over £38,000. “We wish Adam a very speedy recovery, and we hope he knows he’s  always welcome to visit us at the Lionheart Sanctuary,” said Noah Shipman, the charity’s founder and chairman. “Thank you to all those who’ve donated; we firmly believe that these animals belong outside, not cooped up between four walls or in someone’s garden. Just like us, they like to roam! Thank you for helping us to save those poor creatures who’ve been put in a horrible position through no fault of their own.” At time of writing, there has been no update on Mann’s condition. MARY HODGES. [Image Description: a close-up of biblical Adam biting the apple, taken from the Good Omens TV show. End ID.] TAKEN ILL: Adam Mann, pictured above in an ad campaign for Dr Raven Sable’s CHOW nutritional lifestyle regime, was admitted to hospital on Friday evening (Image: QuiteUnlikely.net)

Centre left: Memory Lane: Tip from the Top The gunge plunge was a child's idea of justice, but it worked. They don't make children's telly like they used to. Before Peppa Pig and Shaun the Sheep, there was Superted and Maid Marian and Her Merry Men. Those shows have had their time, changed the genre for the better, and been consigned to history – and there's certainly an argument for reviving them. But one children's show that's going to be hard to replace is my old favourite, Tip from the Top. Hosted by Blue Peter alum Pat Maputi, the show was based on a simple, winning format; kids competed to score points, win prizes, and ultimately get the opportunity to drop their least favourite parent, guardian, teacher, or other adult into a pool of gunge and goo. Named for the chair that tilted forward and dislodged the unfortunate adult seated on it, the show might have been nothing more than a simple gameshow curiosity, but its concept of offering redress for the many perceived slights inflicted on kids by grown-ups made it a real treasure. To children of my generation, it was like a little revolution; when we were sent to our rooms unjustly, when we were kept behind after class, when we were made – horror of all horrors – to tidy our rooms, Tip from the Top offered the tantalising prospect of justice. Of course, all the adults on the show had agreed to be there, accepting the risk of being plunged into a thick layer of green slime. Pat Maputi was in league with the detention-givers and the room-senders all along. But as children, we didn't realise that; to us, Tip from the Top was the highest possible Court of Appeal. And for that, it will always be remembered fondly. Sadly, Tip from the Top was cancelled in 2000, a new millennium bringing a new wave of children's television to our screens. The focus of children’s programming began to shift towards a more fiction-heavy schedule, and some undoubtedly excellent shows came out of it. But perhaps, even after all these years, a reboot might not be too much to hope for – after all, children these days must have just as many complaints about their adult overlords as we did, back then. Clearly, somebody needs to give Pat a call and set the wheels of justice in motion once more. SARAH JEUNE. Memory Lane is our regular feature, looking back at the books, shows and films of yesteryear through a nostalgic lens. Do you miss something you’d like to see featured? Just send the show name (plus channel and airdates if you know them) in an email to: memorylane@capitalherald.co.uk - your prayers might just be answered!

Centre right: The Masked Singer Continues Did I really have a life before the live shows? It's only week three of The Masked Singer UK's first ever live series, and already I've forgotten what I used to do with my Saturday nights before it was on. Is it just me, or is anybody else having funny turns on the Tube, squinting suspiciously at strangers and wondering, “could it be you?” Of course, the likelihood of running into Apple, Axolotl, Black Cat, Bonfire, Goose, Pony, Snake, Squid, Sword or Teapot on my morning commute is vanishingly small, and they'd be unlikely to give themselves away if I did see them. But after a Saturday night spent hunting for the slightest clues and rummaging through my own brain for names, it's hard to turn those instincts off come Monday morning. Everybody seems to have a theory, of course, even at this early stage. My postman claims Apple has to be a tech mogul, my colleagues have a betting pool on which character turns out to be a former member of Blazin' Squad, and my dentist waited until she'd got the little mirror in my mouth to ask me if I thought Pony walked like a minister, whatever that means. Me? I have a few wild guesses, but I'd prefer to keep them to myself until we have a little more to go on. Many of our readers, I'm delighted to report, have far more faith in their own guessing ability, and we've collected some of the most interesting responses from the comments section of our website on the page opposite. Give it a read and tell us what you think – your comment might be featured next week! In the meantime, let me recap what we do know. Bell was unmasked in the first week, and turned out to be Sergeant Shadwell, a former soldier turned YouTuber. I am assured by my more online colleagues that he's known for debunking conspiracy theories, whatever urban exploration is, and occasionally looking for ghosts. Then, last week, we met and said goodbye to Ninja, who turned out to be none other than Esther James, England women's rugby captain. I never would have guessed, and I'm quite keen on rugby; identifying someone by their singing voice alone is much harder than it seems! I may not know who this year's contestants are, but I know I'll be on the edge of my seat all night waiting to find out. I'll be tuning in tonight for  another live show; if you join me, don't forget to get in touch and tell us your best theories! EDWARD BIGGS. The Masked Singer UK will air live tonight at 7pm on ITV. Contact us via our website or at: entertainment@capitalherald.com to share your thoughts and guesses. Ad (bottom third of the page): [Image Description: A banner ad with a black background. On the right is a photograph of Agnes Nutter as seen in Good Omens, demonstrating some serious side-eye. Overlaid is Agnes Nutter’s signature, followed by the words ‘DS member & Author’. On the left, bright yellow-green figures demonstrating various exercises - a football goalie making a save, a gymnast balancing on their hands, and a weightlifter - surround the main text. End ID.] Have you been skipping leg day? Come on down to DIVINATION STATION [the words ‘Divination Station’ are a graffiti-style logo] where fitness is fun! www.divinationstation.com

[warninggraphiccontent]

5 March 2021

Data linkage

Data dichotomies Culture Secretary Oliver Dowden wrote for the FT about the UK's new approach to data outside the EU this week - which managed not to say what this new approach would actually be (especially for GDPR), and prompted comments that the narratives that privacy had dominated discussion and pitted innovation and privacy against one another weren't quite right... ICO baby Though perhaps the next Information Commissioner does need to make a distinction between innovation and privacy, as medConfidential and others have pointed out. Dowden's article kicked off the appointment process for the next Commissioner. (I interviewed the current one in 2019.) Doing so in an article behind a paywall and with no version on GOV.UK isn't a particularly great example of open government...

Open season But then it's not been the best of weeks for open government in the UK, with the news it's been censured by the Open Government Partnership, prompting a letter coordinated by the UK's Open Government Network (on whose steering group I sit). Though there remain some good examples of open government in the UK, and... Open day Tomorrow is Open Data Day, with lots of events planned. Speaking of events... Data Bites We held our seventeenth Data Bites this week, with some rugby-related fun to kick off and some very important budget analysis (which may have contributed to this), before four brilliant presentations. One of those was about better data visualisation, which was also the subject of...

Chart hits and misses This Computer Weekly article looking at good and bad #dataviz during Covid features a quote from me. Speaking of bad #dataviz... Mistake and fail pie My wonderful IfG colleagues are holding me somehow responsible for this particularly bad BBC Wales pie chart, which left me shocked. Another shocking fail which came to mind this week was... Johnson's new department The time when the UK government briefly renamed the business department to something quite unfortunate (though it turned out to be a flop). It wasn't quite the job Alan Johnson expected, but then you don't really get to apply for Cabinet roles...

Odd job Whereas you can apply to work in the Cabinet Office's new Information and Data Exchange, another new unit which there doesn't appear to be much information about. Like a number of recent developments (the Central Digital and Data Office, the integrated data platform) we have to comb press releases, minutes and job ads to find out what's going on (#opengovernment). There's also a deafening silence on... Certifiable The government's (welcome) review into vaccine passports. I wrote something about that for the IfG this week. And if you've not had enough of me... Strategic thinking I'm speaking at a Westminster Forum event next week, on the National Data Strategy. Something that was announced a few months ago, by Oliver Dowden.

Have a good weekend

Gavin

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Today's links:

Graphic content

Vax the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I like it

New data show that leading covid-19 vaccines have similarly high efficacy* (The Economist)

What Do Vaccine Efficacy Numbers Actually Mean?* (New York Times)

Speed and trust (Reuters)

Oregon, Vermont Lead the Way in Equitable Vaccine Rollout: Covid-19 Tracker* (Bloomberg)

Tempers fray over France’s vaccine strategy* (FT - thread)

COVID-19: Major cities falling well behind in UK's bid to vaccinate its way out of lockdown (Sky News)

COVID-19: Is your area one in England and Scotland where half of adults have received a vaccine? (Sky News)

My, corona

Why Opening Windows Is a Key to Reopening Schools* (New York Times)

Should Your School Be Fully Open? Here’s What the C.D.C. Says* (New York Times)

BATS and the ORIGIN of OUTBREAKS (Reuters)

500,000 LIVES LOST (Reuters)

Boris Johnson defends UK border regime amid hunt for Covid patient* (FT)

Inside ultra-Orthodox Jews’ battle with the virus and the Israeli state* (FT)

NHS faces questions over Covid infections contracted in hospital (The Guardian)

Europe struggles and saves in pandemic as Sweden keeps calm and carries on (Reuters)

Animated data visualisation of covid-19 data in G20 countries, with a focus on USA (Jamie Whyte)

Money, money, money

Economic and fiscal outlook – March 2021 (OBR)

UK Budget: the long road to levelling up* (FT - thread)

Sunak goes big and bold in bid to repair UK public finances* (FT)

Six things we learned from budget 2021 (IfG)

Budget 2021: a preview in charts (IfG)

Spending fast, taxing slow (Resolution Foundation)

Some unprotected departments had their budgets cut by half in the decade from 2009-10, as health spending has growth by almost 20 per cent (Resolution Foundation)

Budget 2021 (IFS)

Rishi Sunak’s Budget has not prevented a surge in unemployment – it just delayed it* (New Statesman)

Mo money, mo problems

How Much Minimum Wage Changed in Each State (Flowing Data)

Remote workers spend more on housing than those who commute* (The Economist)

Costco CEO, Who Pays Median Worker $39,585, Enters Wage Debate* (Bloomberg)

Funding devolution: The Barnett formula in theory and practice (IfG)

More people think benefits are too low* (The Times)

Earth song

The messy business of sand mining explained (Reuters)

In the Atlantic Ocean, Subtle Shifts Hint at Dramatic Dangers* (New York Times)

The Five Hotspots Where Food Prices Are Getting People Worried* (Bloomberg)

In data: what are Britain’s fisheries gaining from Brexit?* (Prospect)

Climate graphic of the week: shipping routes behind Mediterranean oil spill* (FT)

More United Than You’d Think: Public Opinion on the Environment in Towns and Cities in the UK (Centre for Towns)

More than 25m drink from the worst US water systems, with Latinos most exposed (The Guardian)

Politik

So wählten die Gemeinden bei Bundestagswahlen (Berliner Morgenpost)

How Keir Starmer has fallen out of favour with voters* (New Statesman)

How Much Longer Can This Era Of Political Gridlock Last? (FiveThirtyEight)

How Marjorie Taylor Greene Won, And Why Someone Like Her Can Win Again (FiveThirtyEight)

Which senators have been voting against Biden Cabinet nominees?* (Washington Post)

Myanmar records its deadliest day of pro-democracy protests* (The Economist)

Myanmar’s new wave of detainees (Reuters)

Everything else

Another name change for the business department in the offing? (IfG)

Is the lot of female executives improving?* (The Economist)

Constituency data: broadband coverage and speeds (Commons Library)

And yet... (Giuseppe)

How governments use evidence to make transport policy (IfG)

#dataviz

Covid-19 and the art and science of data visualisation (Computer Weekly)

Trump’s literacy, KPIs and Citizen Data: final lessons from covid-19 charts (Andy Cotgreave)

Presenting data: 5 tips for making your data understandable (Data in government)

a list of my favorite #dataviz tools (Jon Schwabish for @iamscicomm)

How to draw your audience's focus in visuals (Alvin Wendt, Jon Schwabish)

Meta data

Certification uncertainty

Government needs to beware the easy promise of Covid certification (me for IfG)

Establish if vaccination passports will work before tackling ethical issues* (FT - more here)

Some thoughts on the legal and ethical implications of ‘vaccine passports’ (Adam Wagner)

No jab, no job – the moral minefield confronting the UK government (The Guardian)

Is there a way to make vaccine passports ethically acceptable? (The Guardian)

Vaccine passports could save British theatres – why won’t they embrace them?* (Telegraph)

Vaccine passports: Ticket to freedom? (whynow)

Covid-19: How would an NHS vaccine passport app work? (BBC News)

Israel’s “green pass” is an early vision of how we leave lockdown (MIT Technology Review)

Viral content

COVID-19: Test and Trace barely used check-in data from pubs and restaurants - with thousands not warned of infection risk (Sky News)

COVID-19 VACCINE TRANSPARENCY (Transparency International)

The New Necessary: How We Future-Proof for the Next Pandemic (Tony Blair Institute for Global Change)

AI got 'rithm

Ensuring statistical models command public confidence: Learning lessons from the approach to developing models for awarding grades in the UK in 2020 (OSR)

What is an “algorithm”? It depends whom you ask* (MIT Technology Review)

Turing Lecture: How to talk to robots - The road to a people powered, AI-enabled future (Tabitha Goldstaub)

Government response to the House of Lords Select Committee on Artificial Intelligence (DCMS/BEIS)

How UCL’s groundbreaking AI research became entangled in Facebook’s net* (New Statesman)

Building trust in AI systems is essential* (FT)

Final Report (National Security Commission on Artificial Intelligence)

Taking on the tech giants: the lawyer fighting the power of algorithmic systems (The Observer)

Big tech

Microsoft's Dream of Decentralized IDs Enters the Real World* (Wired)

New York Times Columnist David Brooks Blogged For Facebook's Corporate Site (BuzzFeed)

Section 230: Big Tech’s favourite law is running out of time* (New Statesman)

Palantir, part 2 (Rowland)

Charting a course towards a more privacy-first web (Google)

Google is done with cookies, but that doesn’t mean it’s done tracking you (Recode)

‘This is bigger than just Timnit’: How Google tried to silence a critic and ignited a movement (Fast Company)

CMA investigates Apple over suspected anti-competitive behaviour (Competition and Markets Authority)

US removes stumbling block to global deal on digital tax* (FT)

Alan Rusbridger says Oversight Board will ask to see Facebook's algorithm (The Guardian)

UK government

New approach to data is a great opportunity for the UK post-Brexit* (FT)

The UK needs an independent privacy regulator (Open Rights Group)

Dr Nicola Byrne has been named as the government’s preferred candidate for the post of National Data Guardian (NDG) for Health and Care (Cabinet Office)

‘Digital big bang’ needed if UK fintech to compete, says review* (FT)

UK taxpayer to take more stakes in tech start-ups* (FT)

Data in the line of duty; PSGA data keeping us safe. (Geospatial Commission)

Goldacre Review

EU too

EU must overhaul flagship data protection laws, says a ‘father’ of policy* (FT)

Data protection: European Commission launches process on personal data flows to UK (European Commission)

ARIA ready?

Bill introduced to create high risk, high reward research agency ARIA (BEIS)

Bill

Explanatory notes

I see the ARIA press release frames FOI as bureaucratic (Peter Wells)

Few thoughts (Alex Parsons)

How government can help make Aria sing (Civil Service World)

Social media

India imposes sweeping new social media rules* (FT)

Far-Right Platform Gab Has Been Hacked—Including Private Data* (Wired)

Open for the best but expecting the worst

UK government censured for a lack of transparency and accountability (Sky News)

UK GOVERNMENT ‘UNDER REVIEW’ SAYS OPEN GOVERNMENT PARTNERSHIP (UK Open Government Network)

Data: sharing is caring (mySociety)

Why Transparency Won’t Save Us (CIGI)

News real and fake

MAPPING CIVIL SOCIETY RESPONSES TO DISINFORMATION: AN INTERNATIONAL FORUM WORKING PAPER (National Endowment for Democracy)

The Unknowable News Audience (Slate)

A Better Way to Think About Conspiracies* (New York Times)

The History of Misinformation (The Full Fact Podcast)

Databases

ICE investigators used a private utility database covering millions to pursue immigration violations* (Washington Post)

A Theranos Database Is Useless. What Happened?* (Wall Street Journal)

Data

Data Bites #17 - watch as live (IfG, edited version will appear here)

Exploring legal mechanisms for data stewardship (Ada Lovelace Institute, AI Council)

Data Is the New Sand* (The Information)

Data's Future: 2020 highlights (ODI)

Supporting ‘levelling up’: the case for more and better data on Post-16 Education and Training (Centre for Cities)

Yuval Noah Harari: Lessons from a year of Covid (FT)

Remote learning

Out of office: what the homeworking revolution means for our cities (The Observer)

Stanford researchers identify four causes for ‘Zoom fatigue’ and their simple fixes (Stanford)

Face your fears

MyHeritage offers 'creepy' deepfake tool to reanimate dead (BBC News)

The Shoddy Science Behind Emotional Recognition Tech (OneZero)

Everything else

Launch of Rules as Code forum for government officials (OPSI, OECD)

Soft power and technological sovereignty in the 21st century (Matthew Clifford)

How Adam Curtis gets into your head* (Prospect)

How a 10-second video clip sold for $6.6 million (Reuters)

Life & Times of: Audrey Tang (Digital Minister @ Taiwan) (The Taiwan Take - my interview from June 2020)

On the block: Could blockchain aid policing? (Tech Monitor)

Nesta's Strategy to 2030 (Nesta)

The Conundrum of Information Scarcity in a Time of Information Overload (Slate)

Opportunities

EVENT: ADR UK three years in: Harnessing the power of administrative data in the age of Covid-19 (ADR UK)

EVENT: Procurement after Brexit: a keynote speech by Cabinet Office minister Lord Agnew (IfG)

JOB: Information Commissioner (DCMS)

JOB: Head of Data Science, INDEX (Cabinet Office)

More (via Owen)

FELLOWSHIP: Future policy for a future internet (Tony Blair Institute for Global Change)

And finally...

Charts, maps and dashboards

One way road to beer

The many chart crimes of *that* Citi bitcoin report* (FT - thread)

Hey Citi, your bitcoin report is embarrassingly bad* (FT)

What language am I reading? (Max Fras, Oystein H. Brekke, Dominik K. Cagara, Aron)

Music Borders (The Pudding)

Everything else

The Australien Government has made an ad about the new media legislation it just passed, and it's surprisingly honest and informative! (theJuiceMedia)

Data... (Dan Hon, via Giuseppe)

Unlocking history through automated virtual unfolding of sealed documents imaged by X-ray microtomography (Nature Communications)

The Agile Theme Park. Scream when you have to sprint faster. (DESIGN THINKING! Comic)

The best image of Mars was made in 1965 (Thomas van Ryzewyk)

What will it be like when we go back to the office? (Reuters)

[mimmerr]

Why masculinity matters in schools

Why talk about masculinity in a patriarchal society? We know that there are more people called John than there are women in American leadership positions. In schools, women make 74% of the workforce but only 65% of heads are women.

For centuries, feminism has drawn attention to the multifaceted way in which women are disadvantaged: a lack of voting rights, harassment and traditional gender roles. It’s incredibly easy to assume that feminism is solely about feminine issues. To the contrary, discussions exploring masculinity have been had in academia (and outside it) for years.

But more recently, there have been many more popularized discussions around what masculinity is, often referencing ‘toxic masculinity: a set of individualised and societal behaviours that an archetypal man performs, much to their own or others’ detriment, For example, not being emotional, being dominant and violent. However, there are also traits which are described as traditionally masculine that aren’t necessarily negative: tough, independent, logical. In opposition to this are traditionally feminine traits of reservation, empathy and patience. And yes, there’s toxic femininity too: coercion through guilt, inability to confront and choosing indecision in order to not upset others. 

And anyone of any gender can reaffirm these traits. A man can coerce through guilt; a woman can be violent. Anyone can undermine someone by claiming they are not a true man or woman because they do not display the masculine/feminine traits assigned to them; the phrases ‘Man up’ or ‘That’s not very ladylike’ come to mind. In summary, for us to truly challenge the role of women, we have to simultaneously deconstruct what it means to be a man. And eventually, someday, anyone could hold those traits, without it inevitably relating to their gender. Sadly 2021 is not someday and we live in a sexist, unkind world for all genders.

This is where schools come in. Rules, curriculum and culture can continue to gender these traits; with schools can become petri dishes for both toxic masculinity and femininity. Policing and sexualisation of girls’ uniform; gendered curriculums (netball is for girls, football is for boys) and not challenging sexist conduct all become part of the cause. Masculinity can be explored in regards to all of these. Why are we asking girls to police themselves when we could explore boys’ needs to dominate and objectify? What if a boy wants to play netball - why isn’t this as athletic as football or rugby? Why is it wrong to call a boy a cissy or gay for having girl friends rather than boy friends?

I took to Twitter to ask those identifying as men to describe the masculinities that they felt were present amongst staff and students and to describe the advantages and disadvantages of being a man within education. Participants were allowed to claim anonymity or to be credited (see Footnotes) ; I have used some of their  responses to illustrate prominent views amongst the 120 volunteers*. 

The presence of different men and different masculinities is important

Nearly all participants said it was important to have men in schools to reflect diversity in society and within masculinity. One respondent stated: 

“ It’s important to have teachers of all genders, faiths, genders and sexualities. Pupils need to have a variety of role models. In particular, it’s important for pupils to see different types of masculinity. I am quite camp and chipper, a science teacher is strict and sarcastic, the head is typically masculine. We are all valid!” - Anon.

Moreover, one of the most common phrases that appeared in my research was ‘role model’, especially for boys with absent male role models in their lives: 

“It’s so important for students to have strong male role models in school. I don’t of course mean physically, far from it, but men who are open, honest and representative of the majority of men in the country - not the minority in magazines, who make the news etc. As a HoY, I’ve previously had students where their mothers have openly said they see me essentially as their dad!!” - @ThebigCteacher 

Many of the participants noted that being a role model for boys meant showing them that being a man means many things and many of these behaviours are not traditionally masculine. For example, being calm or expressing emotions, especially in the form of crying. 

Men were also proud to show gender diversity whilst also representing different cultures and sexualities, demonstrating the importance of showing different masculinities within different contexts. This can be extremely helpful in challenging problematic views amongst students, including gamers, which can lead to ‘to racial, homophobic and negative sexualised language towards each other.” - @returnofthefact. 

It is wonderful that men are so proud to challenge what ‘masculine’ means. We must ensure that this ethos is shared amongst all staff so that people are not single handedly firefighting.  For example, if one teacher is demonstrating that men can cry, it’s crucial that another doesn’t say ‘Man up!’. This is especially so in regards to racism, homophobia, sexism, transphobia or ableism; those who are being discriminated cannot be the only ones to challenge it.

Participants also felt their presence was important in showing boys that their subject, such as English or Modern Foreign Languages was a subject that they could enjoy and thrive in. They also felt that being a man and a teacher showed boys that teaching was a career option for them too, which I speak about more further on.

Believing men handle behaviour better reinforces stereotypes

In the survey, the belief that teachers who are men are better at behaviour management was overwhelmingly prevalent. 

‘Men are sometimes preferred to be the disciplinarian. Going to see one of the (very few) male teachers is seen as a negative view. Being a strict male is seen as a positive thing.’ - @MrG_Year3

Where does this view come from and secondly, is there any truth to it? The first question is impossible to answer succinctly. We really could take a detour into the role of men within societies, the patriarchy and power/gender relations. But let’s narrow our focus to schools - why is there a belief that men are better at managing behaviour? 

Some participants stipulated that having deeper or louder voices is beneficial. I can see this in my own school experiences. I remember teachers silencing whole rooms with a shout, or down the corridors, simply because if they did not raise their voices, they wouldn’t be heard and there really could be some dangerous results if action wasn’t taken and heard. Sometimes the shout can really be a jolt - a sign that you have pushed limits too far and teachers deserve respect. This behaviour management strategy is highly visible, so if it works, it will be seen as effective. 

However, what we need to remember is that the approach may be traditionally masculine but that is not to say that all men will use that approach. By extension, you will have women who have very masculinized management strategies. I have definitely heard whole corridors being silenced by women; there were men at my school who never raised their voices and never had disruptive classes. 

Furthermore, the visibility of a shout does not necessarily mean it is effective. Teachers use warning/reward charts and verbal praise but perhaps this is seen as preventive rather than consequential; it is less visible and therefore potentially perceived as less effective. Believing that men are better at managing behaviour because of their biology glosses over their empathy and professional judgement, which could include those strategies. This simultaneously instills that women do not manage behaviour as effectively if they use a more ‘feminine’ approach. 

In my opinion, effective behaviour management encompasses both feminine and masculine traits of firmness, patience and empathy, which any person of any gender can demonstrate or lack. Therefore, believing that one gender is ‘better’ at behaviour management is essentialist. In this case, this means believing that there are attributes that men have (stronger behaviour management) and visa versa for women (weaker behaviour management). 

It is also incredibly unhelpful in regards to teacher training as shown in the quote below:

“I believe that it has been assumed incorrectly that I don’t need help with behaviour management at times” - Anon. 

Assuming that all men have effective behaviour management as a skill because they are a man can be detrimental to individual and whole school development. We all know that effective or ineffective behaviour management can make you or break you as a teacher. What if we’ve lost amazing teachers who are men because they didn’t get the support they needed? What if we missed fantastic mentoring because we haven’t put a talented woman in charge?

Others noted that this biology did play a part in behaviour management but this is not necessarily a positive experience:

“[There’s a] perception that as a man you will do certain things, often physical when a woman colleague might not be asked.” - Anon.

Some men felt that because they were physically stronger, they were asked to physically restrain students or to break up fights, with little regard for their preference in the matter. We really shouldn’t assume that because a man is able to break up a fight, he should. After all, this is putting him at risk both physically and mentally. Some may say that men intervening is less physically risky than a woman doing so,  but this is again working on the premise that all men are physically stronger than all women. What about women who are rugby players? They may be physically stronger (and maybe better mentally prepared) to intervene within an altercation. Assumptions like this reaffirm that men should be tough, brave disciplinarians whilst women sit by, ready to talk about it after.

There is both positive and negative discrimination toward staff who are men

As mentioned previously, the majority of the teaching workforce is women. This fact is sometimes cited as a reason for boys’ underachievement. Therefore, schools can be eager to increase the number of men amongst staff. A number of respondents mentioned this: 

‘There are less men in primary schools so there may be a positive recruitment bias to increase numbers. Once in school I don't believe there is still an advantage.’  - Anon

‘I know for certain that I wouldn’t have got onto my PGCE cohort on merit. That there was a quota of men to meet was an open secret.’ - Anon

Despite this, the number of men in teaching positions is falling and boys now see less representation at the front of the class. The less representation, the less likely someone can see themselves doing a certain job thus the job is seen as either a man’s job or a woman’s, seen in the quote below:

“Whenever you tell a member of the public that you are a teacher, I often have people smirk and say that it’s a woman’s job. Which of course is nonsense as any gender can be teachers.” - Anon

Although I would challenge articles that use phrases to describe schools with many women as ‘dominated’ instead of ‘majority’. Both terms can be problematic, of course. Someone can feel alienated from a job simply because they are in the minority but the word domination has deeper connotations. Domination is the exertion of power. We can work in environments where we are the minority but also within unhealthy power dynamics. 

Teachers who are men are no exception to this. Participants did note feelings of alienation or not fitting in amongst women majority workplaces but, more importantly, many noted that their workplaces had very traditional and detrimental views of what masculinity means including:

No support after traumatic events such as romantic relationships ending

Believing men were unempathetic, insensitive or not understanding 

Deploying men to upper key stage two rather than early years

There were also physical barriers such as no adult male toilets.

Of course, in men-dominated workplaces, women can suffer in similar (or worse) ways e.g. sexual harassment (which men also can suffer from) and the pay gap. I am not arguing against this; we live in a patriarchal society where being a man comes with many privileges. However, if we continue to stereotype which careers are for men and which ones are for women, it harms us all. It stops fantastic teachers who are men entering the classroom; it stops women becoming engineers. It means men are not persuaded or permitted to take paternity leave whilst women can be turned away from a job in the fear she will have children.

Moreover, the lack of men within schools can bring with it a sense of distrust and that men have gone into teaching because they are, in one participant’s words, ‘perverts’. Several participants commented that they were told to be especially careful in order to avoid accusations. This is obviously upsetting for the teacher but also this is detrimental for the day to day responsibilities of teaching, see below:

“I feel less trusted than my female counterparts and also no one expects me to support any child if they have a toilet accident (I work in Year 1).” - Anon.

Additionally, what about talking to a student about something incredibly personal? What if one of their parents is dying? What if they have been assaulted? What if the only teacher the student trusts with this disclosure is a man? Our belief that men are predatory and dominating and unable to empathise can result in perpetrators committing the crime without consequence. If that student can’t disclose to that teacher, if that piece of the puzzle isn’t found, abuse can continue. Moreover, that’s why we need to discuss and challenge predatory behaviour, an example of toxic masculinity, in friendship circles and in the classroom, so eventually there is less truth within the fear.

Conclusion

Masculinity matters because many of us still see it only for its traditional traits. The stereotyping of teachers who are men demonstrates this. The survey showed many men feel they are typecast as tough, unfeeling managers of behaviour who cannot be trusted to deal with the sensitivities of teaching. Inferentially, women are viewed as not strong enough to cope with serious incidents and are more suited to the classroom, rather than the boardroom. Masculinity affects us all, so let’s talk and teach about it, highlighting its diversity and accessibility as well as its limits until eventually we do reach a point where a trait is no longer feminine or masculine, it just is. 

What are your views on masculinity within schools? Let me know your views and experiences on Twitter: 

@mimmerr 

Footnotes 

Further reading

Hegemonic Masculinity: Rethinking the Concept - R. W. Connell and James W. Messerschmidt

Learning from other teachers: Gender influences - Jeanne Keay

The Guilty Feminist -  I don’t think this book is perfect; what book is? But see Part 1 for a good feminism primer and Enemy Lines chapter on why men aren’t trash and how women can also reinforce stereotypes. 

Participant list

Many thanks to those who participated in the survey, both credited below or those who wished to stay anonymous.

@TallTailless

@samfurbank87

@ReeceMorris18

@asboteacher

Ian Brown

@FourfieldsY6

@MrBiology

@andycart2537

@historyguy7292

@cp2242

@sotiredteacher

@stuartmclean8

@mrjordanday

@mrking_mea

@returnofthefact

@MrOzzyMaths

@readeandteach

@m_cuss

@JamesDalbyY4

@Callum_SEND

@EnglishMrSingh

@christteach

@mrzalewski

@MrG_Year3

@MrJxson

@DLewis_Sci

@SubjectOfKings

@mrbusby

@langford_mr

@bailey_mfl

@mr_teachit

@MrLeech_history

@kamranabdus

@scottdx

@ThebigCteacher

@yourobedientsir

@ADMaplesden

*SurveyMonkey unfortunately cut some of my responses, meaning sixty responses were hidden from me, lowering the participant number from 180 to 120. If you completed the survey but cannot see your credit, I apologise and do get in contact to express your views on masculinity.

[justabelfastgirl]

This is a repost from Northern Irish Girl Online which is no longer active.

Hello, you beautiful, sexy, people,

Thanks again to the AMAZING ROSS, I felt that should be in capitals because it’s like a superhero name. He tagged me in this and I loved his responses so I’m excited to get started with this one.

1. I can text in Swedish/Danish (kind of)

Have you ever seen The Bridge? It’s a Swedish/Danish show based on two detectives. It’s probably one of the hubby and I’s favourite shows to watch together next to Parks & Rec, Brooklyn 99 (NINE-NINE! Fans of the show will get this and I better see it in the comments!) and The Vikings (Ragnar can father my children whenever he wants, thanks).

We got so engrossed in it that we started texting each other in Swedish and Danish one day, lol. We know a few words just from watching the show so much and the rest was down to Google Translate. It’s on the bucket list to visit both Sweden and Denmark one day and the infamous bridge the show is named after. I can’t recommend it enough.

I don’t mind watching a programme with subtitles as you honestly get so engrossed in what is going on that you don’t even realise they aren’t speaking the same as your native tongue.

Author Top Tip: It’s also a brilliant way to learn a new language.

2. Farts

My farts, or as we say in Northern Ireland if we want to be polite, poofs, are so loud that they can wake people from their sleep. My biological mother used to tell me that if I was sitting on the floor (which I tended to do a lot, I found a hard floor more comfortable than a chair, I still do… I don’t know why), and I farted that she could feel it vibrate in her feet.

I suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome and was first diagnosed at 17 whilst studying for my A-Levels. I’ve lived with it for a very long time so I know what can upset my stomach and what might set me off. I have to be so careful with my stress levels as that’s my biggest trigger. I do plan to do a post on it as I’ve noticed the pain has increased as the years have gone on, so I’m currently researching more on the subject before I post my own blog post on it.

3. I’m weirdly obsessed with certain cultures and historical eras.

I’m weirdly obsessed with Native American culture, I have been for as long as I can remember. I think it first started when I was a kid and saw Pochantos which, fun fact, is my favourite Disney film. For those unsure of what I mean by Native American culture or haven’t seen Pochantos (um… why are you reading this? Go watch it!) I mean Indians. Not people from India, see below picture.

I mean… he’s not wrong.

Historical Eras I’m obsessed with are Ancient Egypt, especially the Gods & Goddesses. Which is strange because I have little to no interest other “modern-day” Gods. However, I would definitely follow the Ancient Egypt Gods until the end of the earth. Weird, right? My favourite was, of course, Anubis, not because he was the God of the Afterlife, but because duh, he was a Jackal’s head.

Photo Credit: Sunima

The Tudors

Again, this is strange (you’ll see why on my next one), but Henry VIII era had me totally absorbed in History class and I remember asking my Nanny that I wanted books on The Tudors for Easter that year instead of an egg (yeah, I was that geek). I really don’t know why as we all know that Henry was a wee wanker when it came to women. He was just greedy all around with food, money and women.

Big Henry VIII – The Original Manwhore Fuckboy

4. I don’t like The Queen and hate the hype around The Royals

Before you start, my mum (my step-mum) pretty much verbally smacked me for saying this. My mum loves The Queen, as does my dad. My granda… he was on the fence from my chats with him. I honestly feel the older I get, the more I remember my talks with my hero, the more I realise he has basically formed my opinion’s on a lot of things. The only time I’ve watched anything Royal related was Harry & Meghan’s wedding because Harry is an actual ledge (and I have a bit of a thing for him, I’m not gonna lie) and I was already a fan of Meghan from her role in Suits. Also, has anyone seen the bad lip reading at Harry & Meghan’s wedding?

If not, I swear on my life it’s funnier than the Star Wars ones. If you haven’t seen those or the NFL ones either… I, I just dunno what to say to you. Who even are you? I’m such a good egg (only because I mentioned it I had to go watch it again or I’d make you go find it yourselves) that I have provided the video for you below. Prince Wills isn’t so bad, especially after I watched this. For the record, I personally think Hagrid (Rubeus Hagrid for the diehard #HP fans) was the right answer. I mean, no one is as cool as Hagrid.

PW: “I hope you understand we’re puppets” 

PH: “You said we had free will.”

PW: “No, I didn’t.”

Wills telling Harry the real truth. May 2018

Why do I not like Big Lizzy? Several reasons, the main one being CHARLES,  idol-worshipping of someone who from where I sit hasn’t really done much and that’s with research, I wish we could vote. I’d totally vote for Harry to take the crown at least the charities he, Wills and their wives get involved in are ones that will really make a difference. People may say she isn’t control of a lot of things as she has left it to the governments in the United Kingdom Let me ask you this then, who does the Wicked Witch of Downing Street, I mean… Teresa May, report to? Uh-huh.

Big Lizzy is also the boss of the HM Forces, yet I don’t think she even cares how much those lads and ladies are actually paid. I ranted about this on Twitter recently when Andrew Trimble, Ulster Rugby player (I think?), said he wasn’t paid enough to “go to battle” every day. Andrew Trimble earns hundreds of thousands of pounds from playing rugby, sponsorships, appearances and so on. When I educated him on how much a Marine is paid before he passes out he shut up immediately and stopped responding to me. I looked for the Tweet for ages and then got fed up, it’s on my Twitter somewhere, good luck finding it!

Now, he’s not the only one. You look at footballers, celebrities and so on, they earn millions. Soldier’s will never make that amount of money, but they fight for our freedom. Anyone else see something wrong with this?

I grew up with military family members, not only that, but I lived on the Shore Road which was smack bang in the middle of North Belfast. Every single day, I would go outside and wait for the PSNI and RIR (Royal Irish Regiment), British Army, possibly the Royal Marine Commandos (RM aka, LADSSS) to drive past my house so I could wave at them and tell them that they were amazing. I was 11 when The Good Friday Agreement came into force, I was a child that grew up in the Troubles. My after school TV had a few kids shows, and a lot of Northern Irish news whilst my dad lived with me. The older I got the less kid/teenage TV the more I watched the news.

5. I’m still on the hunt for three books I read as a teenager over 20 years ago

Photo Credit: Jaredd Craig

You will never know how painful that sentence was to write, 20 years ago!! I still think I’m fucking 20 then I get slapped in the face with the fish of reality and it hurts me to my soul. Anyways, I read three books that to this day I remember like it was yesterday. The thing about it is they weren’t life-changing books at all, all of them were fiction. I’ve tried searching for them by the titles I remember them by, but to no avail. I asked my library, but they changed their system 10 years ago so there is nothing from prior to that, anymore. I have even gone on websites and described the books in detail, but nothing and it’s my biggest pet hate, ever.

My hubby said it just shows when I’m determined to do something I never give up on it. He should know, I was determined to do him 14 years ago, 14 years on and almost 9 years of marriage and it’s still happening, lol!

6. I’m quite smart and have a freakish memory

And Omigod totally modest! Not tooting my own trumpet, but you don’t study Psychology if you haven’t got some brains.

I can’t remember what I did yesterday, but I could probably tell you the worst serial killers ever known, the horror films that have certain aspects of them that are inspired from real historical events (and they aren’t the ones you think), be able to figure out what films Will Ferrell quotes come from (thanks mostly to my husband who is a big fan of Will Ferrell, as am I), what a book I read 20 years ago was about and what I thought of it, song lyrics, full songs, history and shit.

I could also probably tell you something that happened in my childhood in great detail, but if you asked me what I did in work last week, I’d just shrug and be like…. “talking to people and shit”.

7. I’m a massive tomboy and I once got my finger trapped in a grating (drain cover) looking for a tennis ball whilst plotting to murder IT with a tennis racket.

“Eddie discovered one of his childhood’s great truths. Grownups are the real monsters, he thought.”  – Stephen King, IT.

Okay, let me explain. I, as I mentioned in a previous post, grew up around lads. I was the eldest granddaughter on my dad’s side and second eldest on my mum’s side. This meant the people I looked up to were all lads, I used to fight with my other female cousin all the time. Which is funny because when we got older we were as close as sisters. It was because I was such a “lad”. I love football, wrestling, playing rugby, kickboxing, getting dirty, gaming and other stereotypical “laddy” things.

I’ve more male friends than I do female, but my three best friends are all female. I’m on good terms with every single one of my exes, bar one. Whilst in the majority of the relationships, I broke it off, I did it in a way that wasn’t dickish and tried to cause the least amount of pain to anyone and everyone involved.

My two best friends, Barrie and Bryan (they’re brothers and we’re still in touch today), we were going through our wanting to be a tennis player phase. This was in between our Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles and Marvel Superhero’s phase. Barrie and I were slamming some serious ball against the wall in my back garden with our tennis rackets.

I can’t remember which one of us it was, but I’m going to blame Barrie because he’s not going to read this to defend himself, but the ball ended up disappearing down the drain. Being the intelligent childer we were, we followed what we thought was the right pipe system, out through the cul-de-sac out of my back to the drain just across the road from Barrie’s house.

We thought this would be the drain it would appear in. I had seen IT by this point, Barrie had not. I wouldn’t call Barrie a pussy, because he actually fights for a living now and would no doubt kick my ass for it, but let’s just say he was a sensitive wee sausage when we were young. 

I was determined to find IT and beat him to death with my tennis racket so my thought process, being the kid I was, was that if we lifted the lid he’d either hear it and come to us or already be there. I was determined to protect Barrie at all costs, despite him being a few months older, he and Bryan were like brothers to me and everyone who knows me knows, I’d put anyone who hurts my family in the ground.

Barrie was in charge of holding the grating lid open and I was in charge of retrieving the ball when it came past (and also unbeknownst to Barrie killing IT). I can’t remember whether it was a car, someone yelling at us to get out of the drain (quite possibly this one) or, Barrie just being a fucking eejit and not paying attention, but he dropped the grating lid on my right fingertips.

I don’t know who cried more me or him. I think him, we ran back to my house, my fingers pissing blood and both of us covered in it looking like we’d just sacrificed ourselves to Satan. For some reason, I remember there being quite a few of my dad’s family in the house that day visiting, but it could be my warped memory of my childhood.

Both sets of parents were there that day, course mother dearest went absolutely nuts yelling at me, I, again, protected Barrie despite him clearly giving himself away by crying (because he felt so guilty he had hurt me and that I was bleeding so much, told you he was a sensitive wee sausage). Saying it was my fault and my idea, the truth did come out in the end. My four fingernails were hanging off, the worst being my middle finger.

I don’t remember an A&E visit, but I remember one of my bigger cousins saying I was hardcore as I was only crying because I’d gotten blood on me and was still deadly fearful of my mother beating me back then. He told me my fingers tips were clearly broken as they’d been crushed in the grating. 

My dad ended up having to pull the middle fingernail off as it was just hanging there, at least I think it was my dad, it could have been my ma, I don’t remember I thankfully blocked out the actual experience, the rest of them broke off. To this day, my fingernails and fingers are off to one side. See pics for proof, below.

8. I love to learn, a lot!

I’ve said this previously, but for those new here, I used studying as an escape, same with reading, from what I suffered as a kid. I would get lost in history books, books from the library, for hours on end.

I read abnormally fast, often finishing a standard 330-word book in half a day if I am up early, or a day depending on what I’m doing. I bring a book with me everywhere I go, just in case.

Holiday’s are funny as there is usually at least 6 books and a Kindle in my hand luggage, increasing to 8 to 12 books by the time I get on the plane. My hubby just rolls his eyes, now but knows they’ll get read.

To put my learning into perspective I thought the best thing to do would be to create a table which is split into self-taught and qualified/things I hold certificates in. It’s a bit mental to look at, but 100% my proudest achievement after being mentally healthy following a 2 year battle with my PTSD.

Self Taught Academia Criminal Psychology Psychology and soon to be Forensic Psychology Photography Dental nursing Photo Editing History (Irish & UK) Blogging, Writing English & English Lit Criminology Criminology Human Resources Human Resources Counselling Counselling (including CBT, Life Coaching, Career Coaching) Rearing dogs from pups to adults Autism (including all areas of the spectrum) Norse Methodology Health & Social Care Wiccanism Business Administration History of Music & Music Genres Psychology Parapsychology Makeup Artistry, Beautician & Nail Technician Computer programming (hacking, website creation) Viral Marketing Cooking Art & Design Swedish/Danish (written, only) BASIC French (Oral & Written) Basic Italian – Basic/Intermediate at the moment Sewing, crochet Maltese – Intermediate First Aid (Child, Adult & Pet) Book Publishing  (with coaching from my sis Christina) Business Auditing UK, NI and Irish Law Sign Language Level 1 UK, NI and Irish Employment Law UK, NI and Irish Employment Law Child Psychology & Counselling (mentoring from NSPCC) Woodworking, carpentry, building smaller homemade objects Mental Health Conditions & Disorders Accounting Different religions and cultures Sociology

This isn’t me showing off, just as an FYI. This, to me, is a list of things I have used as PTSD survival techniques. I’ve posted twice about what happened to me when I was younger.

I also challenge you all to make a list of things you have taught yourself when I say self-taught, I mean not going to a school, college, university online or off at any time. It doesn’t matter if you were taught it by a family member or something like that, it’s anything you’ve taught yourself to do without the help of professionals.

I would be deadly interested to see everyone else’s lists, and probably want them to teach me stuff I don’t know, lol.

9. I’m obsessed with little Asians and want to adopt all the little Asians, but my husband won’t let me.

I don’t know okay? I really don’t know when it started or how it started. My dad (who is not racist, I promise) always calls me cheeky face or, I swear he isn’t racist, he just isn’t very original with nicknames, I’m sorry if this offends, oval eyes. I’ve a round-shaped “pea” head as my dad and husband like to remind me of on a somewhat weekly basis, they’re wee shites like the Chinese people (known for having rounder faces).

I have oval-shaped eyes (doesn’t everyone you say, actually no, no they don’t) which are angled upwards, like a person of Chinese descent. I have my granddaddy’s eyes as you honestly couldn’t tell whether he was squinting or his eyes were wide open. Mine is slightly more open than his, but when I’m tired you can see why my dad has dubbed me what he has.

When we pass anyone of Phillipene, Chinese, Thai or Japanese descent husband calls them my people because I absolutely love them and I really do have myself convinced that, as well, as being Italian/Maltese/Northern Irish/English I have either Native American (hence my fascination with them) or another Asian descent in my heritage. I’d love to do that 123 and Me test, but I don’t have a spare $50. If you’d like to donate that to me then lemme know, lol. what? You don’t ask you don’t get! 

My cousin is married to a beautiful (inside and out) woman named Christina who is from the Philippines and they have two gorgeous wee kids. I keep “jokingly” telling my family I’m gonna kidnap them one day and adopt them,.

There have been times my friends and my other half have literally had to pull me away from the kids as I just think they’re so cute and I just want to talk to their parents and play with them. That’s really weird, isn’t it? I shouldn’t have told people this… 🤷‍

10. I can rap, well.

Don’t believe me? Ask my three best friends and my husband. My husband couldn’t believe it the first time my friend Sarah B and I rapped every single lyric to Tupac’s – Hit Em’ Up. It was our song, but it’s the same for any other TuPac, Dr Dre, Xzibit, Ludacris, N.W.A, Eminem, 50 Cent, D12, and many, many more songs in my rap repertoire.

I’m going to challenge some different peeps this time, some of my lovely followers. So…. I challenge the following people to do this and tag me so I can read them:

@MsCreativeKerr – Kerry-Ann

@HappyMentality – Ri

@the_rolling_20s ‏ – Ruth

@comfortinganx ‏- Deanna

@larylarxx – Lauren

Don’t forget to tag me so I can read yours! For everyone else, please follow these gorgeous girls.

10 Unusual Facts About Me (A Re Post) @LaureltonStudio #TheClqRT #bloggingtribe @TheBloggersPost @wetweetblogs @sincerelyessie @UKBloggers1 #bloggingbeesrt @BloggingBabesRT #BloggerLoveShare @LovingBlogs This is a repost from Northern Irish Girl Online which is no longer active. Hello, you beautiful, sexy, people,

[celebritylive]

It’s the moment Bachelorette fans have been waiting for: the Men Tell All!

On Monday night’s two-hour special, Hannah Brown came face-to-face with all of her castoffs — including Luke Parker, whom she sent home during last week’s episode after he told her that he expected her to refrain from being sexually intimate with the remaining contestants. Here are all the highlights.

Luke Parker returned (with an engagement ring) after being eliminated.

At the beginning of the show, a clip was shown of the remainder of what went down in Greece after Brown, 34, sent Parker, 24, packing on last Monday night’s episode.

“I finally was hit right in the face with what everybody else saying,” Brown explained in a confessional. “I was like, ‘I now can relate,’ and I sent Luke home. The other guys have no idea … I have no regrets. I feel like f— that guy and not an ounce of me misses him, wants him in my life or will question my decisions. I’m so glad Luke is finally gone and I never have to see him again.”

But, it turned out “never” didn’t last very long.

A clip of Parker on his way to interrupt Brown’s rose ceremony was then shown as he said, “Hannah thought after sending me in the van that there’s no way I’d want to be with her anymore after the last thing she told me. She’s sadly mistaken.”

“She doesn’t realize I still love her and that I’m not through,” he continued. “This isn’t over for me yet. I couldn’t go home without talking to her again and sharing my heart with her and getting a few things off my chest. She has never told me that she loves me, but I know she loves me. I know without a shadow of a doubt she still has feelings for me. I believe she’s making a big mistake, and I’m going to tell her that. She doesn’t know it yet, but I’m on my way and I’m coming. I want to prove to her how serious I am about this.”

The camera then showed him flashing a diamond ring in his pocket.

He joined Brown’s remaining men (who were unaware that he was eliminated at this point) in line.

As Brown walked in, she saw Parker and immediately asked him, “Why are you here?” He replied, “I want to talk to you.”

After Parker made multiple appeals to talk to Brown, she angrily declared, “This is not about your heart! F—! Leave! I’m so tired. You’re so narcissistic. It’s my this, my that. This is not about your heart. I’m sorry that your heart is broken, but you’ve already broken my heart like 15 times through all of this by me trying to make this work.”

Once Parker finally left, Brown started crying, and Chris Harrison told her, “The clarity that you were looking for? Now you have even more of it. He is fully convinced — or was — that you are his wife, that you are the one and that nobody knows the depth of your relationship. He has a ring in his pocket right now. He was ready to propose to you. I’m not joking.”

RELATED: Bachelorette Hannah Brown Reveals the ‘Silver Lining’ of Her ‘Toxic Relationship’ with Luke P.

Parker said he was ‘blindsided’ by Brown’s windmill sex confession.

Things hit a fever pitch on last week’s episode when Brown and Parker had a heated argument about sex and religion that ended with Brown flipping off Parker as she sent him home.

Earlier in the night, Parker revealed that although he’s not a virgin, he has been abstinent for nearly four years and plans to wait until marriage to have sex again — and expected Brown to follow suit.

“I just want to make sure that you’re not going to be sexually intimate with the other relationships here,” he said on the show. “I totally have all the trust in the world in you, but at the same time, I just want to make sure we’re on the same page. Like, if you told me you’re going to have sex or you had sex with one or multiple of these guys, I would be wanting to go home, 100 percent.”

His comments infuriated Brown, and after a heated back-and-forth, she laid down the law.

“My husband would never say what you’ve said to me,” she said. “I have had sex, and Jesus still loves me. From obviously how you feel, me f—ing in a windmill, you probably want to leave.”

During his time in the hot seat, Parker explained that he reacted the way he did because he felt “blindsided” by Brown’s confession.

“You look back at hometowns and she told my whole Sunday school group that sex in the fantasy suites wasn’t going to be something she was going to do,” he told Harrison, 47. “Even before that conversation at dinner in Greece, I explained what my desires were with sex and fantasy suites and she agreed and she said she was in the same boat and she shared the same desires to abstain from sex before marriage. So I was blindsided by the whole thing.”

“I didn’t expect her reaction,” he continued. “Like I said, I’m not going to ever judge her for anything that she does, and I was never judging her. I was making a decision for myself of what I wanted and something that I’ve been seeking. That is what I proved showing back up to fight for Hannah. The only reason I went back was to show Hannah something that I shared with her from day one — I’m always going to fight for her.”

Parker said that in the beginning of the show’s process, he made Brown out to be “this perfect woman.”

“It wasn’t the fact that she had sex that would make me want to leave her,” he said. “I went in there because I felt like she was making a mistake. I really thought, no matter what, this is the one for me. I’ve never felt anything like this. If you’re wondering, these feelings were real and I know they were real for her. That’s why you see me say things like, ‘She has never told me she loves me, but I believe that she does.'”

RELATED: Hannah Brown Opens up About Being ‘Slut-Shamed’ for Talking About Sex on The Bachelorette: ‘It’s Just Not Okay’

Parker also felt like he was on a ‘rescue mission’ for Brown.

“I felt like I was on a rescue mission for Hannah,” Parker said. “That’s how I look at it. Coming here, I really felt like I was going to be something good for her in a future husband. Granted, I’m talking about before ever meeting her. … Her faith was very exciting to me. I wasn’t even going to show up unless I had known that Hannah Brown was going to be the Bachelorette. I think, throughout the whole season, it was very clear I was there for her and that I was going to fight for her until the very end.”

When Harrison asked Parker to clarify what he meant by “rescue mission,” he said, “I just meant from …I’m not talking about faith whatsoever here.”

After everything, Parker finally apologized.

Parker told Brown from the studio, “I just want to tell you one thing: I’m sorry. That’s it. I made it really hard on her.”

RELATED VIDEO: The Bachelorette‘s Hannah Brown and Luke P. Are Still Fighting About Their ‘Sex Talk’ on Twitter

But Devin Harris came out on stage to interrupt.

Harris, 27, said his blood was boiling while watching Parker’s time in the hot seat backstage.

“There are two types of men,” Harris said. “There are men that want an independent, strong woman. And there are men that want a woman that they can control. I feel right now that you are the man that wants to control a woman so that you can feel better about yourself.”

“That’s not a man,” he added. “What blows my mind is you’re saying that you’re on a rescue mission, but it seemed that the only person that needed rescuing was Hannah from you.”

And the rest of the guys called Parker out, too.

Mike Johnson, who took Parker to task throughout the season, also addressed him on stage.

“I’m going to be honest,” said Johnson, 31. “I feel that Luke hasn’t learned a thing whatsoever. I think that you are a narcissistic, cantankerous misogynist. I think that you are beyond cocky to the point to where you don’t care what no one else says. I feel that you were not fighting for her. … You were fighting over her. I think that your future wife is going to be a prisoner with you if you don’t know how to change.”

Connor Saeli offered Parker “the only compliment of the night” by saying he respected him for being at the taping when he knew it would likely be a “firestorm.” But then, he gave his own critique.

“I was the only one to actually give you a chance in Scotland and hear you out and hear your story,” said Saeli, 25. “And I remember right after our conversation that we had, you went and said the complete opposite thing to the group and so, you know, honestly, I wish I’d said this early to you, but f— you, man. You’re a liar, a manipulator, you’re controlling and you honestly are a psychopath. And I think everything you’re about to hear tonight you deserve.”

Luke Stone, whose contentious relationship with Parker came to a head after Parker allegedly kneed him in the face during a rugby match, said he found Parker’s actions “disturbing.”

In response, Parker said it was “tough” being the outsider among the group of men.

“My integrity and my character is being questioned constantly,” he said. “Everything I say, I’m being looked at like a liar. Think about that. That’s just not easy to deal with. … I do hate that’s what happened. And I do admit that’s because of me, I admit that was because of my pride. That’s not easy to deal with.”

“It hurts me to hear that some of you don’t accept my apology,” he added later. “And I want you to know that I’m sincerely sorry about how it played out. I admit to being very immature through a lot of the process. It became about me because of my arrogance and my pride and I am working on those things…I really hope that you guys can forgive me.”

John Paul Jones was peak John Paul Jones.

Where would this season have been without the presence — though brief — of the internet’s favorite contestant, John Paul Jones?

While in the hot seat, Jones, 24, said he couldn’t have had more fun during his time on the show.

“When you get to take off work and when everything’s paid for and you’re around a bunch of dudes, it’s kind of hard not to have a good time,” he said. “Hannah is a great girl. What’s not to love about the experience? It’s difficult to not have a good time.”

One audience member came up to Jones with a pair of scissors to cut off a piece of his hair and recreate one of his and Brown’s dates, as shown in a deleted scene on YouTube.

Jones also teased that he took his speedo “south of the border” to film the upcoming season of Bachelor in Paradise, and Harrison treated the audience to chicken nuggets.

“In honor of JPJ, I didn’t want everyone to leave on an empty stomach,” Harrison said. “I’m bringing out nuggets for everybody tonight! Chicken nuggets for everybody!”

Mike Johnson won over everyone’s hearts.

Johnson opened up about his and Brown’s emotional breakup.

“To be broken up with like that and see her crying, I just wanted to be there for her,” he said. “It’s definitely not something I wanted to go through, but being on this journey, I know that we’re here looking for love and so is Hannah, and it sucks, but I trust Hannah.”

Then, Harrison asked if he truly saw Brown fitting in with his family of “strong, amazing women.”

“Definitely so,” Johnson said. “I brought one woman home in 10 years. I take this stuff incredibly serious. I felt that I could see myself getting down on one knee if it continued to progress the way it was. It would have been amazing for her to meet my mother, my sister and my grandma.”

Later, he added of Brown, “I still think she’s fine as hell and independent.”

RELATED: Chris Harrison Says The Bachelorette’s Mike Is ‘a Contender’ for Bachelor: How He’d Make History

Brown took Parker to task once and for all — and explained why she kept him around so long

When asked by Harrison what she’d want to say about Parker, Brown said, “There’s a lot to unpack there.”

“I think it’s hard for a lot of people to understand,” she said. “It was hard for me to understand at times. But ultimately, I’m really glad that relationship is behind me. I learned a lot from the experiences I went through and the heartbreak I ultimately went through from discovering that I deserved so much more than I could put up with.”

Parker then took the chance to apologize to Brown face-to-face.

“Well first off, you look great,” he said. “It’s good to see that smile on your face still. I really don’t have much to say, just the fact that I’m sorry that I made the whole process for you so difficult. I just want you to know that I’m sorry for that. I will say thank you. You actually did teach me a lot as well about myself, Scotland taught me how to self-reflect, and you taught me how important it is to self-reflect. I will say thank you for that. I’m sorry for making it about me and being prideful at times and making the whole process difficult for you.”

In response, Brown said, “I appreciate those words, but I feel like you still don’t understand what self-reflection means.”

“You said that you learned from this, and I do hope that you did,” she continued. “But I think that there’s a lot of fruit that needs to be grown from you .. .I will never try to say that the feelings that I had for him weren’t real, because they were. It was the closest thing that I had to feeling like I was drawn to somebody that I felt like was love at first sight that I’ve ever experienced. I think a lot of that came from being really insecure about being the Bachelorette in the first place. I remember when I got the call from you, I was so excited but also I had this doubt of, ‘Oh my gosh, am I going to be able to be this? Are the guys going to be disappointed?’ I didn’t know if I was going to live up to this standard that I thought I had to live up to and the first night there, there is this huge fear of what your intentions are. Are they for fame? Are they for career? Are they for building a platform? Is it for you to just continue to be a personality? That night, he made it clear and made me believe that he was there for me. There was safety in that, and he gave me hope from the beginning, and I held onto it a lot longer than I should have.”

When Harrison asked Brown if she told Parker’s church youth group that she would not be using the fantasy suites for sex like he had alleged, she replied, “I did not say that.”

“Fantasy suites aren’t used for sex, Luke,” Brown said. “You didn’t have one, so maybe you don’t know, but the fantasy suites aren’t for sex. You’re making everything about sex and it’s not. … I’m so over being slut-shamed and like that makes me not a woman of faith. I live my life and make mistakes and sin every single day … but that’s what grace is for. … And those fantasy suites, that’s not what they were about. They were about having a relationship where I grew really close to the men and knowing their heart. It’s not just about the physical, and that’s where you’re getting it really, really wrong.”

Shortly after, Harrison said Parker had to leave the taping early to catch a flight. To the rest of her suitors, Brown said, “Know that I’m really thankful that you stuck up for me when you did, you supported me when you did and you encouraged me when you did. I know it had to be really hard, but I am just really thankful for the guys that were here that were honest with me and real with me. So I just want to say thank you.”

She also gave a hilarious apology to Bachelor Nation for keeping Parker on our screens for so long, declaring, “The Luke P. show is canceled.”

The two-part finale of The Bachelorette airs next Monday and Tuesday on ABC.

from PEOPLE.com https://ift.tt/2JJ9ei6

[calacuspr]

Calacus Weekly Hit & Miss – Calm & England Football Fans

Every Monday we look at the best and worst communicators in the sports world from the previous week.

HIT – CALM APP

We’ve have talked a lot recently about the importance of sports stars opening up about their struggles with mental health.

In May, we praised rugby union for standing in solidarity with its players highlighting the need to discuss mental health during Mental Health Awareness Week 2021.

But while sport seems to be doing more to support mental health issues, it’s safe to say Naomi Osaka’s decision to boycott press conferences at the French Open in June, citing the detrimental impact that they’ve had on her own mental health in the past, has caused substantial controversy in the media.

In a statement on Twitter, the world number two said: “I’m not going to do any press during Roland Garros. I’ve often felt that people have regard for athlete’s mental health and this rings very true whenever I see a press conference or partake in one.

“We’re often sat there and asked questions that we’ve been asked multiple times before or asked questions bring doubt into our minds and I’m just not going to subject myself to people that doubt me.”

That statement wasn’t perfectly positioned nor was it well-managed, especially as it seemed to show a lack of understanding or appreciation for the role of the press.

Dismissing the role of the media in such a clumsy manner prompted a mixed response with some journalists referring to her as being a “princess” and “immature”, which have not helped her frame of mind.

THREATEN WITH EXPULSION FROM ORGANISERS

SECOND STATEMENT and quote/link relating to MH struggles

And despite admitting “timing was not ideal” when she announced her withdrawal from the French Open just days later,

One organisation who used the debate to their advantage and brought a key topic to light, recognising the pressures on the wellbeing on sports stars, was the meditation app Calm.

After Osaka was fined $15,000 for refusing to honour her contractual media obligation, Calm, the number one app for meditation and sleep, stepped in and pledged its support for Osaka’s decision to prioritise her mental health.

Calm announced on social media that they will not only be paying her fine but also matching it with a donation of $15,000 to Laureus Sport for Good, a world-leader in the sport for development sector in helping bring positive change to young people’s lives.

This was an ace of a PR masterclass from Calm, who have not only gained considerable coverage from the move but stepped up to promote an important message of protecting the mental health and wellbeing of young stars and ensuring they are resonated well within the media.

But the whole affair has highlighted that sport still needs to do a lot more to show that it can protect young stars from the mental challenges that they face, which had been Osaka’s intention from the start.

With the donation, Calm have managed to take control and achieved a moral high ground of the debate, brining the conversation back to emphasising the need to support young people with mental health issues and other disadvantages that they face on a daily basis.

Other organisations, which include some of Osaka’s sponsors like Nike, TAG Heuer and Mastercard, have also shown solidarity with her decision.

So, as much as Osaka has been criticised for failing to “do her job” as a professional athlete in the media, she has been able to bring an important topic to the forefront of people’s attention and standing up for her own wellbeing over the expectations of others.

With that, Calm seized an opportunity to bring a topic that deserves the greatest amount of attention into the spotlight, emphasising their own key messages and raising awareness for mental health support within sport.

MISS – ENGLAND FOOTBALL FANS

Since football resumed last year, most players in the Premier League have been taking the knee to highlight social inequality and racism.

Going back to the 1980s, winger John Barnes was told after scoring a superb goal against Brazil that “a ******’s goal doesn’t count” as the far right National Front were on the same flight as the England team.

Sports activism is nothing new, as we have discussed before on these pages many times, while Sky Sports has partnered with Kick It Out as well as supporting its #takeastand campaign to encourage “people across the football community to take an action or make a pledge, in the fight against discrimination.”

From the first top-flight game after the initial lockdown, Aston Villa and Sheffield United players and the match officials knelt down before kick-off.

With no fans in the stands, that tradition could take place without incident, but since fans have slowly been permitted back into stadia, murmurs of discord have occurred, with Millwall fans most vocal in their opposition to the tradition.

There was a social media blackout in May to address the trolling and abuse suffered by sports people, with Thierry Henry also deleting his profiles as a protest against the social media companies that do little to address the issues.

That discontent has turned into vociferous booing, most notably during England’s games ahead of EURO 2020, starting with the victory over Austria at the Riverside Stadium in Middlesbrough.

“We are collectively really disappointed that it happened. You have to put yourself in the shoes of a young England player about to represent his country. We are all trying to support equality and some of our team-mates and some of the experiences they have been through in their lives,

“We are totally united on it and committed to supporting each other. We feel that more than ever that we are determined to take the knee throughout this tournament.

“The players voices have been heard loud and clear and are taking their stand. Some people decide to boo and I think those people should put themselves in the shoes of those young players and how that must feel”

The booing continued as England beat Romania, also in Middlesbrough, prompting Southgate to add: “If you don't agree with the situation then you don't have to applaud or you don't have to do anything.

“But to boo your own team is a very strange response in my mind. There is an acceptance that this gesture is waning in its impact because we have been going now for a season but I think ahead of a European Championship where the games are going around the world, that moment just before the kick-off which will be shown everywhere, will have a significant impact.

“If we can affect only a handful of people then we will have made the world better for others. I think we'll affect more than a handful of people and for that reason it is worth us continuing.”

Needless to say, politicians such as Nigel Farage and Lee Anderson MP have criticised the moves, suggesting the England squad are out of touch with their own fans by supporting ‘Black Lives Matter’ which they consider to be a Marxist organisation intent on “undermining our way of life.”

Perhaps tellingly, Prime Minister Boris Johnson refused to condemn those who boo the England team despite Kick It Out confirming that that the gesture is not aligned to any political organisation.

Clearly, there is significant prejudice that needs to be addressed in society – with football a microcosm of that. Look at the proportion of black players throughout the leagues and the lack of black managers, coaches and administrators throughout the game.

What irony that some England fans will chant “Two world wars and one World Cup” in relation to Germany and anti-IRA chanting, which is clearly political, but a number of them seem to object to actions taken by the players they support to address discrimination even though it is a cause, a movement, rather than a political affiliation.

Remember, many if not all of the black players in the England squad have experienced racism and the inability of fans to empathise with those whose shoes they have never walked in is quite staggering.

Some have mentioned that the England team are earning huge sums and so need to have a thick skin, but being a highly paid or high-profile footballer does not insulate you from racist abuse – just ask Raheem Sterling.

What irony that Manchester United and England forward Marcus Rashford, who captained England and scored the winning goal in their win over Romania, was prompted to comment to those who continued to boo: “"It's something that we can't control, and for us we believe its the right thing to do so we're going to continue to do it.”

It will be fascinating to see how the England fans conduct themselves during EURO 2020 given their somewhat chequered reputation during past tournaments – and how will other nations’ fans behave if their players do the same?

[theseaeaglelives]

ROUND 1

THE SEA EAGLE

MAKING RUGBY LEAGUE GREAT AGAIN!!!

Manly Sea Eagles                             6

Defeated by. 

Wests Tigers                                     20

The Sea Eagle took the opportunity to watch this fixture from the confines of the North Sydney Leagues Club. With the Stench of the Bear continuing to emanate from these less than hallowed walls, there was little confidence to be had in what was about to transpire.

Following on from the litany of off-field indiscretions that have plagued the game during the past off-season, the first half of this fixture did little to restore any confidence or credibility in rugby league. Both teams struggled to come to grips with the wet and slippery conditions and a procession of errors ensued. It was an average spectacle put on by two equally average and likely bottom feeder outfits.

Despite having very little in terms of field position and possession, somehow Manly led 2-0 at the break. It’s fair to say Manly were somewhat unlucky not to score a try when a bizarre instance of refereeing interference denied Curtis Sironen a try. Surely the onus must be on referees to stay well clear of the playing area and teams like Manly need all the help they can get.

Manly carried their average form into the second half, with scant regard for possession, simple errors and very little to offer, particularly in terms of attack. Unfortunately for Manly, the Wests Tigers left their poor form in the sheds and they ran roughshod in the second half. Dominating field position, with 60% possession and led by ageing veterans Robbie Farrah and Benji Marshall ran in 3 tries and put Manly to the sword. The fact that Manly could not come to grips with Farrah and Marshall is a real concern as its fair to say that both these players are well past their primes and what lies ahead when they have to face up to teams with genuine talent in their playing rosters.

This loss continues Manly’s tradition of poor starts to a season, now having lost 14 of their last 19 opening round games. It doesn’t get any easier next week where they will host the reigning premiers, the Roosters at Lottoland.

Peter Beattie sends a shout out to long dead Balmain Tigers legend Laurie Nicholls

The juggernaut of embarrassment that is Peter Beattie has made some big gaffes since he took over as NRL Commissioner but this one tops the lot. Who can forget shortly after being named NRL commissioner he was unable to identify that the Sharks were the club that played out of Cronulla during a TV interview with Phil Gould.   Following this he then confused the Barcelona football jersey with that of the Newcastle Knights in an interview on the Today Show with Karl Stefanovic.   But the prolific Twitter user has now made another stumble by bringing the Tigers greatest fan, Laurie Nicholls, back from the dead.

During yesterdays game, a spoof Twitter account known as “Laurie Nicholls is God” responded to a tweet from Peter Beattie who was at the game.   The spoof account wrote “Isn’t she just a beauty Pete” when Beattie posted a photo of the Leichhardt crowd to his 12,000 followers.   But it was Beattie’s response to the fake Laurie’s account that took the cake. “Good to see you are well Laurie. Good win for Wests Tigers today. All the best.”   Somehow Beattie was unaware that Nicholls died some time ago.   Peter Beattie is the gift that keeps giving and we eagerly await his next faux pas.   Which brings us to his efforts earlier in the week  

Beattie: We won't look like 'village idiot' over stand-down law

Sun Herald  March 9, 2019 — 4.49pm

 Australian Rugby League Commission chairman Peter Beattie defended the length of time it has taken for the new ''no-fault'' stand-down ruling to be rubber-stamped, declaring: "It's better to get it right and cop some flak now than look like a village idiot later on.''

Beattie apparently (according to the Sun Herald) told the Sun-Herald,  NRL commissioners had received the draft for the new ruling late on Friday (8 March 2019) and would meet to approve it on Monday (11 March 2019) before the NRL quickly implemented it.   This is despite the fact that the NRL had already told St George player Jack De Belin and Manly player Dylan Walker they had been stood down (to name a few) before the rules were actually in place.   It came as no surprise therefore that  St George Illawarra forward Jack de Belin scored a victory in the Federal Court on Thursday 7 March 2019 when  Federal Court judge Steven Rares said on 7 March 2019 ''there's no entitlement to stand him down'' and ''there's nothing in place at the moment''. With the NRL rules introduced around 11 or 12 March 2019, De Belin is  presently not playing rugby league and apparently back in Court against the NRL in April 2017 .   One could be forgiven after all of this, for thinking the current membership requirements for a spot on the NRL Commission or a senior role at the NRL, may well be holding a PHD from a typical Australian university where you can now be degree qualified by actually being dumb, and based solely on a thesis paper “why it’s cool to be an idiot” or “the many things you should do now rather than look like a village idiot later on”. One of those things clearly, must be the policy of standing players down based on a press announcement, whilst attempting to put the rules in place to justify that, after the event.

Like the Billy Idol balls up at the 2002 GF (and many others), only in rugby league would this be considered “normal”.   Now let’s consider this news piece from 2014, regarding Russell Packer, who played for the Tigers in this Rd 1 2019 fixture against Manly:

  Russell Packer of the Newcastle Knights sentenced to two years' jail

By Stephen Ryan- SMH

January 6, 2014 — 12.20pm

Newcastle Knight rugby league player Russell Packer has been jailed for two years for assault, dismaying the Kiwi enforcer ….

Packer looked to his supporters, which included his partner and a number of Knights officials, in distress before he was led away in handcuffs from a Downing Centre Local Court on Monday.

Earlier Packer, 24, pleaded guilty to assault occasioning actual bodily harm after he bashed a man during a booze-fuelled night last year, with the court hearing he had stomped on his victim's face as the man lay motionless in Martin Place in Sydney's CBD.

No need to go any further into this incident. Given Mr Packer is now able to play NRL it seems the NRL position on off field atrocities is this:

1. if you are charged with a crime, that may carry a certain lengthy gaol penalty, and you plead not guilty, you may or will be banned, despite the fact you are legally entitled to the presumption of innocence;

2. if you are in gaol, then clearly you are banned from paying rugby league, given an inherent inability to do so;.

3. If you have been sent to gaol for 2 years, for “assault occasioning actual bodily harm” after bashing a man “during a booze-fuelled night” and having “stomped on [the victim's] face as [ the victim] lay motionless in Martin Place in Sydney's CBD”, then once released from gaol you are free to play NRL.

Naturally, this sound perfectly reasonable. The pathway is plead not guilty, banned by NRL, go to gaol, banned by the NRL, released from gaol, free to play NRL. One might argue the order of bannings should be the reverse, but that is just speculation. The Sea Eagle is sure everyone would agree with that. Like the Billy Idol balls up at the 2002 GF (and many others), only in rugby league would this be considered “normal”.

We could go into why Mathew Lodge is allowed to play for the Broncos given his well-documented efforts in the USA, but time simply does not allow this.

  Off-season Atrocities – Final Comment

Since the last edition of the report The Sea Eagle has been left to ponder why these atrocities in the main seem confined to the NRL. Sure, other codes have the odd scandal and are not immune to player behavioural issues but none seem to be as affected and scandal prone as the under-seige NRL. This prompts the question as to why is this still such a regular occurrence in professional rugby league?

As far as the Sea Eagle is concerned and as unpalatable and politically incorrect as it may seem, a possible explanation for the extent of atrocities (as compared to other professional football codes) lies with the socio-economic and cultural backgrounds of the majority of participants at the professional level.

The Sea Eagle has previously identified the emergence of the largely Polynesian playing base at NRL level as a concern in terms of who will actually be plying the game, particularly the instances where the size and athleticism of these players especially at junior levels has led to a dwindling participation from the non-Polynesian population. It’s fair to say that country rugby league is dying on the vine as Tonga and Samoa are now replacing the likes of Maitland and Cessnock as the traditional heart-land and nurseries of rugby league.

Whether Polynesian players or other cultural playing groups are over represented in off field atrocity stakes remains largely speculative guesswork at present.

An urgent statistical analysis needs to be performed to see just how many of the recent atrocities, particularly those in terms of violence have been committed (or alleged to have been committed) by players of Anglo Saxon, Aboriginal, Polynesian, or other backgrounds, with a detailed analysis of educational levels attained and time spent in the non NRL playing workforce (ie holding doe a so called real job), and to then see why if at all, any particular player cultural group appears to be statistically over represented.

Then, analysis is needed as to where, NRL players as a whole, are statistically over represented in certain off field atrocity categories, namely aggravated sexual assault, assault occasion actual bodily or grievous bodily harm, DUI, domestic violence and the like.

Or as Tooves once said, there needs to be an investigation. That vital data needs to be collated, reviewed and sent to the NRL integrity unit for comment, and further review, and then sent to the press, media commentators and gender advisers for their take on it all. But without these core facts/data, and comment, we would all be merely speculating if we pointed the finger at one player group as opposed to any other as regards to anything. At best, all we can do about any incident in particular, is shrug our shoulders and say “but it’s rugby league”. Which is far from acceptable.

The Sea Eagle would also like to single out NRL adviser Professor Catharine Lumby for special mention. According to Ms. Lumby’s website she has worked in a role advising the NRL on cultural change and education programs for players since 2004. Whilst not questioning Ms Lumbly’s credentials, objectives and motivation, clearly on any objective analysis, the influence and impact of Ms Lumby’s work, as evidenced in recent years (and particularly this off-season) have failed miserably. One possible conclusion is the players have stopped listening to Ms Lumby if they ever listened and understood in the first place. The question must be asked, is she now ready to hear the words of the great man – you’re FIRED.

This will be the last mention by the Sea Eagle in terms of the atrocities and scandals that have plagued the NRL in the off-season, now preferring to turn his hand to reporting on the game at hand and the inevitable litany of atrocities and scandals that will no doubt follow now that season 2019 has commenced.

Let us not forget Round 9 of the NRL Telstra Premiership - 9-12 May 2019 will see every rugby league match at one stadium- for the first time ever, simply called “Magic Round Brisbane” which is coming to Suncorp Stadium. The promotional take on this is “That's Magic!”. All the Sea Eagle can say is if 16 NRL teams -circa 320 NRL players, descend on Brisbane in one magic weekend in May, what could possibly go wrong?

THE SEA EAGLE

[freepib]

‘My lovely dad tried to kill me’

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Robyn Hollingworth was just 25 when she left her job in London to help care for her dad who had early-onset Alzheimer’s. Here she reveals the challenges and heartbreak of parenting a parent.

I’m hiding behind the sofa in the living room, sweating profusely and fumbling with my phone.

“Where are you, you little thief?” my dad yells as he comes down the stairs.

“I’m going to kill you, you hear me?”

He comes into the room and I can see he’s holding a carving knife.

But suddenly someone knocks at the front door and he goes to answer it. It’s the next-door neighbour.

“Hi there! You all right?” she asks nervously.

“Hello there, love!” My dad’s voice is all soft and fatherly, not mad and murderous. “How can I help you today?”

“We, uh, heard some noise and wondered if you were OK. Why, why do you have a carving knife in your hand?”

“Well funnily enough, I’ve just found a burglar in my house, so right now I’m trying to smoke the little ferret out,” Dad declares, rather proudly – though he used a stronger word than “ferret”.

I can tell my neighbour is scared but is trying to keep him talking. I crawl to the back door, sprint down the garden and hurl myself over the fence.

I walk across town to my friend Kate’s house.

She opens the door to my tear-stained face and my frozen, bare feet.

Image captionRobyn moved back to her parents house when she was 25

My dad, David Coles, was a charmingly intelligent self-made man. He was a civil engineer and built power stations all over the world. He had a beard and moustache combo that had seen him through the decades, gently fading from mouse-brown to pale grey. I idolised him.

Dad retired in his late 50s, while my mum Marjorie continued working for a local charity. They lived in Pontypool in South Wales. I had moved to London to study at Royal Holloway University and stayed there to work as a fashion buyer. But when I was 24, Mum revealed that Dad had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. A year later I was back at home to help Mum shoulder the care.

One of the first obvious signs, apart from repeating stories, was that Dad’s language changed. The F-word began making frequent appearances.

“Dad, you’ve got your jumper on back to front,” I told him one day after returning with Mum from Tesco’s.

“Ah, get lost,” he replied, except he used the F-word instead of “get lost”.

“Don’t speak to your daughter like that!” Mum snapped.

“You can get lost, too,” he added for good measure.

Sometimes it felt pointless talking to Dad because he was easily insulted. He was often aggressive or defensive with me and Mum, though funnily enough he was very obliging with my older brother, Gareth.

My dad had always spun a good yarn, but as his memory faded he would make things up to fill in the blanks. These untruths could vary from “Yes, I’ve taken my medicine,” to “Ooh, I’ve had fish for tea.” And his behaviour became more unpredictable too.

Once he offered to make Mum a cup of coffee, and came back with a soup bowl of coffee made in the microwave, giving it to her with a tea towel and a spoon.

Another day he called my mum while she was out shopping to ask where his passport was. “Are you planning on going anywhere dear?” she joked. He hung up in response. When Mum got home she found the house had been ransacked. Paper littered the living room, kitchen drawers were hanging out. The drawers in the bedrooms had been pulled out and the contents strewn on the floor. She found my dad, shaking and sobbing in their bed. Later on he mended the drawers and forgot about the incident, but Mum didn’t.

It wasn’t all doom and gloom. Once I remember spotting Mum out shopping wearing her big fluffy purple cardigan. It had sparkly bits and was embossed with flowers. I raced to catch up with her only to realise it was Dad. He had teamed it with green cords and hiking boots. He greeted everyone brazenly in the Post Office, without a care in the world.

However, a lot of the time I found caring for Dad sad and embarrassing and then I’d feel guilty and disgusted with myself. I had to keep reminding myself he couldn’t help being ill. Despite everything, I didn’t begrudge caring for him for a second and I never thought of leaving.

Image captionDavid was a keen runner and club rugby fan

A week after the passport incident Dad went out for a walk and didn’t come back. After searching the local pubs we called the police. They found him in the hospital – he had been found in the gutter by the side of the road with a large cut on his head. Mum went to collect him and he seemed vaguer than ever.

I was more and more aware how hard it must be for my mum. Physically her husband was the same but his mind had gone.

“Of course, I still love him, in a way,” she told me then, during an unusually frank conversation.

“But that is not the person I fell in love with – that’s not the man I married.”

Five ways to spot if someone has Alzheimer’s

Then, just two months after I moved home, Mum was diagnosed with aggressive skin cancer. It was made more difficult because Dad didn’t really understand that Mum was ill.

On the day of her operation he joked in the Post Office that she was getting a boob job. I wanted to hit him with a newspaper. But when we went to see her in hospital I think reality dawned on him, as he didn’t want to leave her.

“Come back to me, my love, please come back soon,” he whimpered as she stroked his hand.

Image captionRobyn’s parents met in the late 1960s

When we got back to the house he asked me where Mum was.

“Why isn’t she back from work yet? Has she gone away?” he asked.

I explained she was ill in hospital with cancer.

“Well that’s a shame, I wanted to take her for a walk in the park,” he responded.

Despite chemotherapy, Mum’s tumours spread and two months after her diagnosis we found out the cancer was terminal. Dad struggled to understand. He would repeat on a loop that he and Mum had had a good innings, with two children and a nice life. At other times he thought she had a stomach bug or was at work, when she was actually resting upstairs.

Mum died at home. The family had gathered to say goodbye to her. She told my brother and me to take care of each other and that she was sorry she was leaving us alone to care for Dad. Despite the awfulness of it, I wanted that moment to last forever. I went downstairs to discover Dad had peeled two whole 2.5kg (5lb 8oz) bags of potatoes. We’d be eating mash for months.

Image captionGareth and Robyn were always close despite the five-year age gap

At the funeral we arranged for a bagpipe player to play Mum into the church. We played Out of Africa at the end, to mark Mum and Dad’s travels abroad. I kept a nervous eye on Dad all day, but he was mostly quiet and compliant. At the wake, though, he lost the meaning of what the day was for, and thought it was to celebrate his retirement. When I was outside on the phone he tried to get people to do a conga. When I found out I laughed so hard I cried.

After Mum’s death, Dad went downhill rapidly. Apparently changes in routine and security can hugely accelerate an Alzheimer’s sufferer’s decline. He became disorientated, with little appetite. It was 10 days after the funeral that he confused me for an intruder and chased me with a carving knife.

After I escaped, it was judged too dangerous for me to return, and caring for Dad fell solely on my brother. A fortnight later we decided he needed to go into care. I would visit him with my brother, as I was too nervous to go on my own. Some days he didn’t say much and lashed out if I tried to hug him, on others he smiled and seemed happy but didn’t speak. My brother was livid one week after a carer shaved off Dad’s facial hair in a well-meaning attempt to smarten him up.

Dad caught pneumonia after a few months in care and became gaunt. I will always be haunted by the distressing image of him moaning, without his teeth in, and unable to eat or walk without help. My lovely dad had become a zombie, his wonderful brain was hollow and still. All I could do was sit with him and hold his hand and tell him I loved him. He died just five months after my Mum.

I’m sad Mum and Dad never got to see their son find a partner and have a son of his own, or their daughter get married (my brother walked me down the aisle). It wasn’t easy after they died but in my dreams I remember them when they were well and happy and in their prime.

We sold the house shortly after my dad died and on a beautiful summer’s day we drove up into the mountains overlooking town. Walking to the highest point we both took an urn and whirling around we spun our parents’ ashes into the sky. We watched as they soared from something into nothing – into the ether and everywhere.

Robyn Hollingworth is the author of My Mad Dad: The Diary of an Unravelling Mind

As told to Claire Bates. Claire is on Twitter @batesybates

from WordPress https://ikpepib.wordpress.com/2018/05/17/my-lovely-dad-tried-to-kill-me/

[livinggaybrisbane]

Over the Christmas break I had an interview with Gay Star News about living in Brisbane. The post didn’t really get much attention, so I thought I would reformat that interview into a story I can share on my blog.

I’ve lived in Brisbane for 3 years now. When I first moved I was still in the closet and very unsure about myself. Luckily I’ve come a long since then. I’m very confident about being a gay man in Brisbane now. It’s a very safe and accepting place in my opinion. Brisbane returned an 80% Yes response to the postal survey for same sex marriage.

Where do the gays go?

Balls out bingo with Candy Surprise.

One Friday night at the end of 2017 saw us kicking off at The Sportsman’s Hotel in Spring Hill (Sporties). Friday nights at Sporties is a staple in the Brisbane gay scene with ‘Balls Out Bingo’ hosted by local drag queen Candy Surprise. The rules are standard bingo rules,  but for 77 – Did someone say strip? That’s right the ball boy takes an item of clothing off and yes sometimes it all comes off by the end of the game. Balls out bingo even has a calendar now of all the ball boys.

Our group actually won 3 bingo games collecting 3 jockstraps and 6 free entry passes to Club 29 (one of Brisbane’s cruise clubs) which are as of yet unused.

Next stop – The Beat Megaclub. One of our longest standing nightclubs that opens 7 nights a week. As one friend described it at 1 am on our last visit “The Beat is a magical place filled with wonder” for context the Beat staff had a sausage sizzle and were giving out free sausages on bread and we were pretty stoked. With 5 dance floors, if you’re ok to wander for a little while you can definitely find something to dance to. Upstairs for classic club dance music, out the back at Krystals for the light up dance floor and techno mixes. Head downstairs to wreckers if you want some good old base and RNB. If you’re night ends before 3, you’re doing the Beat wrong.

Enjoy you’re hangover and drink a lot of water because Saturday night can be just as packed. If you’re after a quiet drink that may kick on to One on Saturday, then you should head on down to the Wickham. The Wickham has the best food of any of the gay venues in Brisbane, enjoy the atmosphere in the beer garden, play a round of giant jenga.

If your liver can handle it you can always head out again to Fluffy on Sunday night. Unfortunately some of us work on Mondays so we usually don’t get to see the out of town drag queens that perform there.

Don’t want to drink but still want to be social?

The Medley Cafe – Food with a view.

New farm plays host to some of the best brunch spots in Brisbane. But my favourite place is actually the Medley Cafe which is in Kangaroo Point looking right out onto the Brisbane river. Its the perfect place to bring someone who is out of town because you can look over to the city. Plus its about 10 minutes from my house so if I’m taking someone to brunch the morning after, that’s where it is.

For dinner dates you have to head to Southbank. Casual dining all the way to formal dining and one of the cheapest and best cinemas in Brisbane. After dinner, go for a walk along the river or make out on the giant wheel.

After hours you can check out Wet Brisbane’s Gay Sauna to relax in comfort and unwind from the day. Enjoy the wet and dry sauna’s or cruise on through and see what you can find.

SportsBall Fans we have you covered too. If you’re staying for longer than a weekend you could join one of our All Inclusive (Gay) sports teams. If not, at least try to catch a game so you can claim you’ve been on the Brisbane Scene.

Hustlers – Rugby Union

Tritons – Water polo

Aqualicious – Swim team

Brisbane is a busy city with unreliable train times, but a vibrant gay scene that hosts its very own gay street festival every year – Big Gay Day. Check it out and enjoy the weather in Queensland.

Follow me on Bloglovin or find me on Twitter.

Don’t forget to check out my redbubble store.

Visit Gay Brisbane Over the Christmas break I had an interview with Gay Star News about living in Brisbane. The post didn't really get much attention, so I thought I would reformat that interview into a story I can share on my blog.

[junker-town]

NFL Dad, Week 5: The fleeting joys of apple picking and the Browns' first lead

Relive Sunday's action with one dad, two toddlers, and six hours of the RedZone channel.

I went apple picking with my daughter and her preschool on Friday. It was three joyful hours at a beautiful farm in the Hudson Valley bracketed by a six-hour round trip on a school bus full of toddlers. This was (A) not nearly as bad as it sounds, but also (B) NOT GREAT, BOB. A rule of parenting: any place worth taking young kids to requires a trip that at one point will make you regret your decision to leave the house.

Now, if you haven’t gone to an orchard recently, one of the perks is eating freshly picked apples as you fill your bag. And the progression typically goes like this:

(eating the first apple) HOLY CRAP! THIS IS JUICIEST APPLE I’VE EVER TASTED, WHY DON’T I EAT MORE APPLES?!?!?! I WANNA MOVE SO WE’RE CLOSER TO A FARM!

(apple #2) Mmmm, so good!

(apple #3) Honestly, I’m good on apples for the season.

Anyway, I came home with more apples than any reasonable family would choose to eat, so my wife is making a pie today. APPLE PIE AND FOOTBALL, LET’S AMERICA THIS SUNDAY UP!

EARLY GAMES, FIRST HALF

— At 1:00, I put my son down for his nap. By the time I turn the TV on, it’s a few minutes into the games, and the first thing I see on the RedZone channel is ... Browns celebrating? That can’t be right.

Then the camera cuts to a wider view that shows they’re playing the Jets, and it makes a little more sense. The celebration is for Myles Garrett, finally making his NFL debut today, who sacked Josh McCown on his first NFL snap.

Cleveland Twitter is celebrating like the Browns just got their first lead of the season (they have not).

— “Can you look at my treasures, Daddy?” says my daughter. Assembled on the table are two acorns, a penny flattened by a hand press, and several rocks sized perfectly for a child’s palm. Eric Ebron drops a pass in the end zone.

— A.J. Green hauls in a 77-yard bomb for a touchdown in the Cincinnati rain. Green may be the odd Hall of Fame receiver who is somehow underappreciated his entire career. He’s not as electric as Odell Beckham, not as physically dominating Julio Jones, less elusive than Antonio Brown. But he’s perfect! He’s fast and graceful and has amazing hands (he’s a skilled juggler), and his only sin is playing in a small market for one of the most underwhelming teams in the NFL.

— A shotgun snap flies past Philip Rivers. He flails to push the ball out of end zone and oh my god it’s beautiful. It’s like the Zion National Park of of Rivers flailing.

YOUR 2017 Los Angeles Chargerrrrrrs!!!!!! http://pic.twitter.com/GjtX4SNJTm

— Kyle Brandt (@KyleBrandt) October 8, 2017

Philip Rivers is the master of finding the balance between the smart play and self-preservation, and the result is looking like a total spaz. Like, he got BOTH hands on the ball, but covering it up in the end zone would mean a defender falling on him, and Rivers is too smart to take unnecessary hits. That’s why he’s willing to look so dumb. You ever see him get the snap when a lineman jumps offsides? He throws the ball into the ground like it’s delivering 120 volts into his body.

Phil Rivers throwing a ball rugby style out've the back of his own endzone while screaming at his center is why ill never stop watching nfl

— PFTCommenter (@PFTCommenter) October 8, 2017

— There’s not much to like about the Tennessee-Miami matchup (Matt Cassel versus Jay Cutler, yikes) but the mix of Dolphin teal and Titan sky blue is incredibly soothing to me. Stop the game and make them do tai chi on TV, I’ll be perfectly centered.

— Carson Wentz has thrown three touchdowns in the first quarter, and Philly leads Arizona 21-0. In the seven other games being played, only three teams have managed even a single touchdown.

— Matt Cassel is strip-sacked for a Dolphins touchdown, and there’s the answer to “How on earth can this Dolphins team score a touchdown with Jay Cutler at quarterback?”

— Christian McCaffrey’s first NFL TD is a shovel pass on an option play, and the Panthers and Lions are tied at 10. I am not opposed to widespread use of wide spread use in the NFL.

— DeShone Kizer just committed his SECOND red zone turnover of the day, an interception thrown at a well-covered receiver. That seems bad.

DeShone Kizer is the first player to have multiple giveaways in a game inside his opponent's 5 yard-line since Josh Freeman in Week 13, 2009

— NFL Research (@NFLResearch) October 8, 2017

Confirmed: bad. The Cleveland fans in attendance break out the rarest of surrender cobras: the scoreless first half surrender cobra.

Smart of Cleveland fans to rock Cavs and Indians gear, though. You wanna display your love for the home squad, but you also want plausible deniability after the game.

— The Jets kick a 57-yard field goal as the half expires. They lead 3-0, and the Browns have still never led this season.

— At halftime, the Matt Cassel and Jay Cutler stat lines are ... not good. CBS made a nearly perfect graphic for them, and I have tweaked it only slightly to highlight the inherent emotion of a combined 75 yards passing at 2.7 yards per attempt.

Matt Ufford

the anthem standers

EARLY GAMES, SECOND HALF

— Fifth-round sophomore Kevin Hogan is in for the Browns. RIP DeShone Kizer, you will be lovingly added to the joke jersey that lists all of the Cleveland quarterbacks since Tim Couch.

Also: where is No Cody Kessler on the depth chart? It seemed like he wasn’t complete dog crap last year. I mean, as Browns QBs go.

— Jalen Ramsey versus Antonio Brown is a ton of fun to watch. Roethlisberger goes deep down the sideline to Brown, who makes a leaping catch — but he’s out of bounds because of Ramsay’s positioning. That subtle boxing out is only done well by the best in the game.

— BROWNS SCORE! BROWNS SCORE! A great one-handed catch by David Njoku for the team’s first lead all year!

He followed that with a sumo celebration that ended with him spiking the ball into his own butt.

— Matt Cassell has thrown a TD pass to Phillip Supernaw; it’s tied at 10 in Miami. Incidentally, “Supernaw” is my response to a game featuring Cassel and Jay Cutler. This is an easy joke that thousands of people have already made, but I am incapable of not making it. I’m protected by dads’ rights, you can’t stop me.

— Some bird-on-bird crime in Cards-Eagles:

Nelson Agholor just destroyed this Cardinals DB in every way possible #Eagles http://pic.twitter.com/4v1aFCVEDd

— Clay Wendler (@ClayWendler) October 8, 2017

That is rookie Budda Baker, in case you’re the one chiseling the headstone. He didn’t just get burned; he got burned, then juked, and then he missed a tackle. And then watched as Nelson Agholor took the Nestea plunge into the end zone to cap off a 72-yard touchdown that put Philly up 31-7.

By the way, are we still calling it the Nestea plunge? I know I’m a hundred years old and that ad campaign was forever ago, but do the youths know about it? Attention youths: Please Snapchat me about your awareness of the Nestea plunge. I’ll check my messages in 3-4 days.

— Ben Roethlisberger has thrown CONSECUTIVE pick-6s to the Jaguars and I am HERE for the Steelers getting dragged at home. Did I pick the Steelers to cover more than a touchdown in a win? Yes, I did, and I will happily be wrong forever if it means that hairy sentient ham suffers a public humiliation every time he uses the media to chastise the star wide receiver who makes him look good every week.

Well, almost every week.

— Here’s Melvin Gordon stiff-arming Janoris Jenkins into the turf.

Melvin Gordon stiff arm on Janoris Jenkins http://pic.twitter.com/91tFxByWKU

— Steve Noah (@Steve_OS) October 8, 2017

I include this because one of the best things SB Nation makes is a show called “Will You Be My Friend?” and you should watch the episode with Gordon. Here, I’ll embed it and you can watch it right now. Go ahead, kick your shoes off and luxuriate on this webpage a little longer.

— My son is up from his nap. He sleepily staggers over and throws his arms around me in a big hug. I know that doesn’t really pop off the screen as anything special, but trust me when I say my brain is FLOODED with dopamine from his carefree smile and chubby arms.

This is the bone that human biology throws to parents. “Oh, is every day with a young child the hardest thing you’ve ever experienced? FINE, bathe in the warmth of infinite love.” And all of us stupid parents are like, “Oh, yeah, that’s good. This is worth surrendering my house to childproofing measures and chiming plastic bullshit.”

— Jermaine Kearse is wide open for a TD, and the Jets lead 17-7. Good night, Browns. You were powerless to protect your home turf from the juggernaut Jets as they cruised to 3-2 for a share of the AFC East lead. Fire up the Josh McCown Pro Bowl campaign!

— Odell Beckham gets open behind the defense for a 48-yard touchdown. He celebrates by performing CPR on the ball.

Giants are on life support but @OBJ_3 is trying to bring them back. http://pic.twitter.com/wWVXXldt0n

— Clay Wendler (@ClayWendler) October 8, 2017

OK, this is just a disastrous mockery of life-saving procedures. First of all, he didn’t even check his ABCs: Airway, Breathing, Circulation. He didn’t perform any rescue breathing. And he performs chest compressions by pumping his arms, which wastes energy; he should keep his arms straight and let his body weight to do the work. No wonder he spikes the ball; his life-saving efforts hastened its death.

— Ben Roethlisberger has thrown his fourth interception. And now a FIFTH! Merry Jagsmas!

— The Lions are attempting a furious comeback against the Panthers, but they started it too late to have any realistic chance of victory. In Cincy, with the Bills trailing 21-16 and two minutes remaining, Tyrod Taylor throws a pick. My daughter wakes up and, noticing the smell from the kitchen, asks what we’re cooking. “What did Mommy say she was going to make?” My daughter is lost in thought for a moment, then her face lights up. “APPLE PIE!!!”

— Leonard Fournette rips off a 90-yard sprint for a TD, and the embarrassment is complete. 30-9, Jacksonville.

— The Colts have managed to blow their two-touchdown lead. Leading 23-16 with 24 seconds left, they were a goal line stand away from the W. Instead, on 4th and goal, the Niners get a tight end open with a rub route and he just BARELY breaks the plane. Once again, we are saddled with overtime between two crap teams instead of sending them home with the tie they earned (or ending with a do-or-die two-point conversion, which would likely be more exciting, and certainly faster).

— Oh no. Odell Beckham is injured and crying. You can tell from his face that he knows his season is over. UGH.

The Giants are up 22-20 late in the game, but they already don’t have a rushing game, and Beckham is the FOURTH Giants wideout to leave with an injury. Eli Manning is gonna have to run the wing T from a goal line formation.

My daughter, who is almost healed from her broken collarbone, is looking at the screen with concern. I say, “He’s sad because he hurt his leg, sweetie.”

My wife adds, “Where’s he going to go to make his leg better? Who’s he going to see?”

My daughters face brightens. “To the DOCTOR!”

On the next play, Manning is strip-sacked. The Chargers recover and take the lead on a touchdown pass to Melvin Gordon, his second score of the day. The Giants have no response. They deserve to have the dignity of running up a white flag and packing it up for the day; instead, Eli Manning throws an interception on 4th-and-10. Even for a team that entered the game winless, the final four minutes of this game were especially gutting for the Giants.

LATE GAMES, FIRST HALF

— Ahhh, my beloved Seahawks! The first play RedZone shows of them is third-and-14 for Russell Wilson and the offense, which is the most Seahawks down and distance possible. Alec Ogletree sacks Wilson. Excellent. Yes. This is the good shit I choose to watch every week.

— In Oakland, Jared Cook’s fumble is returned for a Ravens TD, and Baltimore is up 14-0 less than 4 minutes into the game. With Derek Carr out, E.J. Manuel is responsible for getting the Raiders back into the game. With all due respect to Joe Flacco’s crappiness, this game is effectively over. I will not write another update about it unless Marshawn Lynch, like, crowdsurfs in the Black Hole after scoring a touchdown.

— After an easy drive down the field, an apparent Todd Gurley touchdown is wiped off the board when replay shows that Earl Thomas’s goal-line chop knocked the ball loose short of the goal line, resulting in a touchback for the Seahawks (it’s the second time Thomas has done this against the Rams). The end zone fumble/touchback foible remains the most inexplicable rule in football, and I love it very much in this moment.

— Jacoby Brissett throws a pick in end zone. Hey! What are the 49ers and Colts still doing here? This is late game territory, busters. I may have to start organizing this column under different headings. Let’s wrap this one up: The 49ers will do nothing with the ball, punt, and lose on an Adam Vinatieri 51-yarder.

— My daughter wants me to summon pictures of Rapunzel from Tangled on my computer screen. She has never seen the movie or even read the kids’ mini-book. her only familiarity with the story is the generic fairy tale. But she has an electronic reader with a picture of the Mouse’s Rapunzel, and that is enough to stoke the flames of curiosity. (shaking fist) DISNEEEEYYYYY!!!

— Following a methodical Dallas touchdown drive, Aaron Rodgers leads the Packers downfield and throws a perfect strike to Davante Adams. Mason Crosby, however, misses the extra point, and Packers trail 7-6. This game appears to be just as good as Fox had hoped.

— After the Seahawks throw an interception on a trick play, the Rams drive deep into Seahawks territory. On 3rd and 11, Jared Goff hands off to Tavon Austin, who goes untouched for a 27-yard touchdown. I had hoped that whatever Jeff Fisher-brand Seahawks poison the Rams employed over the last five years would be gone from this Rams team, but apparently not.

— I am starving. I haven’t eaten since a late breakfast, and my entry into our small kitchen puts me on the hook for making the kids’ dinner. While I toast a bagel for myself and cook quesadillas for the kids, the Seahawks recover a muffed punt, only to blow easy points by throwing an interception that flips the field position.

Thanks to Russell Wilson’s touchdown-saving tackle, the defense is able to hold the Rams to a field goal and a 10-0 lead. But you know what’s even better than hustling back to save a touchdown? Not throwing 40 yards across the field so a safety can undercut your throw with an open field ahead of him.

While I cook, my daughter is “reading” an illustrated Bible. She’s quiet and content for a long time, until she wants to know why some people are crying. Those are just Lazarus’ friends, sweetie. Don’t worry, he turned out fine.

— Dallas goes for it on 4th and less than a yard from the Green Bay 21, and Dak dives ahead to move the chains. A few plays later, he throws a perfect pass to Dez Bryant for a diving TD. The Cowboys lead 21-6, and are totally dominating time of possession.

— My daughter: “I’m going to the bayou!” She must have gotten her mitts on The Princess and the Frog again. I would love to thaw Walt Dinsey’s head just to punch him in the face one time.

— On second and goal from the Rams 4, the Seahawks throw a jump ball to Jimmy Graham, who uses his height advantage to pull in an easy touchdown. This is the sort of thing that Seahawks fans expected would become commonplace when the team traded for Graham three years ago, but has almost never happened because the coaching staff is allergic to exploiting potential mismatches.

The touchdown caps an impressive, time-consuming 75-yard drive. I didn’t take any notes on it, though, because I didn’t want to jinx it. I am sane.

— The Seahawks tie the game at 10 with a 48-yarder just before the half. Unprompted, my daughter sings, “There is nothing else, and I love you anyway.” That’s it, young lady. No more playing with haunted dolls.

— In Dallas, Green Bay scores on a 7-yard run from rookie Aaron Jones, who’s getting the start in place of the injured Ty Montgomery. The score is 21-12 after another missed extra point. Bad day for Crosby.

LATE GAMES, SECOND HALF

— My son has finished his dinner, and he is singularly focused on playing with bubbles, even though that’s strictly forbidden in the apartment. The kid is WILD about blowing bubbles. It’s not enough to blow bubbles FOR him; he needs to hold onto the wand AND the soap solution himself, even though he ends up immediately dumping the solution out EVERY TIME, which results in tears. So I’ll usually try to hold on to the container with the solution, but he’ll grab at it and start crying.

Please believe me when I tell you I hate these motherfucking bubbles. I am THIS CLOSE to banning all bubble-related objects from the apartment. NO ONE GETS ANY BUBBLES UNTIL YOUR FINE MOTOR SKILLS IMPROVE.

— “Daddy, do you want to go in the hallway?” my daughter asks. My wife is taking the kids to the end of the hall to set up the bubble machine (one of these doohickeys). I tell her I’ll join her as soon as I get a little more work done, and in my head “Cats in the Cradle” plays.

The Rams face a 3rd and 10, the Seahawks blitz their linebackers, and Goff runs more than 20 yards through the space they vacated yards for first down. UGH. In the hallway, I hear the shrieks of delight.

A few plays later, the Rams convert another 3rd and 10 conversion to get into the red zone, and you know what? I don’t really give a shit what the stupid Rams and Seahawks do.

I go out into the hallway. My daughter is shouting “BUBBLES!” and her brother is saying “BUH-BUH!” because he is a tiny diapered caveman. The stress I had from watching football has evaporated. Bubbles, man. I gotta rethink my stance.

— When I go back to the apartment to get some paper towels, I see Jordy Nelson drop a slant that would be a touchdown. Green Bay kicks kicks a field goal (hey, a kick that worked!) to cut the lead to 21-15.

My daughter followed me back inside and, seeing her untouched dinner, suddenly realizes she’s hungry. She eats better when we read to her at mealtime, so I read to her a rugelach recipe from a Smitten Kitchen cookbook. She makes odd requests, OK?

— Hey, the Rams and Seahawks are still tied! How did the Rams blow that scoring chance? Bubbles, man. I ran a bubble screen on them.

— My son comes back into the apartment, and I pull him up into my lap while reading my daughter a marbled pumpkin gingersnap tart recipe. His heart is racing from the excitement in the hallway, and he’s clawing at the neck of his tee shirt. I take it off of him to get him ready for the bath; he’s soaked with sweat. Little dude raved too hard.

— This is too many Seahawks-Rams updates, so let’s wrap this one up, even if it messes with chronology: the Rams can’t stop turning the ball over, and the Seahawks can’t do anything with the ball when they get it. After my kids go to bed, Cooper Kupp drops what would have been a game-winning touchdown. Seahawks win, 16-10.

The lesson: never try to stretch the ball over the goal line if Earl Thomas is in the same ZIP code.

— In Dallas, Green Bay has mounted a comeback despite strategically trying to blind Aaron Rodgers.

The Dallas plan to blind Aaron Rodgers is working http://pic.twitter.com/qWGEOKmX00

— SB Nation GIF (@SBNationGIF) October 8, 2017

YOU FOOLS! Blindness can’t stop Aaron Rodgers! He quarterbacks mostly by echolocation and proprioception.

The light streaming into AT&T Stadium DOES look cool as hell, though. It reminds me of some Getty photos from a few years back:

Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images

Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images

Hard to believe that’s Brandon Weeden under center, isn’t it? Nevertheless, it’s no surprise that a Weeden offense could only look good in still images.

— Dallas has bled a ton of clock with an epic drive to retake the lead, but Rodgers gets the ball back with a minute left and a timeout. He takes the snap staring straight into sun … and throws a perfect back shoulder pass to Davante Adams. On the next play, with the sun still in his eyes, he completes it to Martellus Bennett for another first down. See? He’s like a bat, or a dolphin.

— Anyone who’s ever played the Packers knows how this ends: with an Aaron Rodgers touchdown pass, and your heart broken. Mike McCarthy should be jailed for only going to one Super Bowl with this demigod.

— Time for pie!

[fangirlmomentsandmytwocents]

SHACKING UP by Helena Hunting Review

SHACKING UP by Helena Hunting

SMP Swerve

Publication Date: May 30, 2017

eBook ISBN: 9781250133328; Price: $3.99

Paperback ISBN: 9781250150479; Price: $15.99

Audio ISBN: 9781427292797; Price: $23.99

Description

Ruby Scott is months behind on rent and can’t seem to land a steady job. She has one chance to turn things around with a big audition. But instead of getting her big break, she gets sick as a dog and completely bombs it in the most humiliating fashion. All thanks to a mysterious, gorgeous guy who kissed—and then coughed on—her at a party the night before.Luckily, her best friend might have found the perfect opportunity; a job staying at the lavish penthouse apartment of hotel magnate Bancroft Mills while he’s out of town, taking care of his exotic pets. But when the newly-evicted Ruby arrives to meet her new employer, it turns out Bane is the same guy who got her sick.Seeing his role in Ruby’s dilemma, Bane offers her a permanent job as his live-in pet sitter until she can get back on her feet. Filled with hilariously awkward encounters and enough sexual tension to heat a New York City block, Shacking Up, from NYT and USA Today bestselling author Helena Hunting, is sure to keep you laughing and swooning all night long.

EXCERPT

She taps the arm of her chair and regards me for a few seconds. “So . . . that woman you were with at the engagement party, I’m guessing she’s not your girlfriend or anything? I don’t need to worry about her freaking out because another woman is living in your condo?”

“You mean Brittany? Uh, no. She’s definitely not my girlfriend.”

“Good to know.”

“With all the travel a girlfriend hasn’t been all that practical.”

She cocks her head. “What do you mean?”

“When I played professional rugby I was on the road a lot. And now it seems like I’ll be on the road more than I anticipated. At least for a while. It makes it difficult to get involved.”

“Ah. I understand. Theater is challenging like that, too. The hours are odd since performances are typically in the evenings and on the weekends. Unless you’re dating another actor it’s not very practical.” She dips her spoon in her dessert again. “So that Brittany chick was just meant to be a hookup then?”

I’m sure Brittany would’ve been good with the hookup part, but I don’t mention that to Ruby. “I went out with her as a favor.”

She grimaces. “Wow, that’s some favor.”

“She’s not that bad.” I’m not sure why I’m defending Brittany, other than it seems to irritate Ruby.

“She called me a slut!”

“Well, you were kissing me, so . . .” I have to bite back the smile at her incredulity.

She points her spoon at me, her annoyance clear. “You kissed me.”

I shift an arm behind my head. “You didn’t put up much of a fight.”

Her mouth drops open and snaps shut just as quickly. It’s the same reaction I got out of her the other day when I brought the same thing up at the restaurant.

Her eyes narrow into slits. I bet she’s a real firecracker when she’s angry. I sort of want to push her buttons just to see what happens when she goes off. I bet angry fucking with her would be incredible. I wonder if she’s a hair puller, or a biter, or a scratcher. Wow. That got dirty fast.

She narrows her eyes. “We are not talking about this.”

“About you kissing me back? I wasn’t going to bring it up, but now that we’re on the subject—”

“Consider it un-brought-up.” Her cheeks flush.

I can’t help myself. I keep pushing. “No way. You as much as admitted that you kissed me back, right there. You opened the door. I’m walking through it. Why would you kiss a complete stranger?”

“I said I wasn’t talking about this.” The pink in her cheeks rises to the tips of her ears.

This is way too much fun. She’s got one hell of an angry glare going on. “I’m leaving you in my house for more than a month, alone. I need to be certain you have sound judgment.”

“I’ll have you know my judgment is usually very sound. However, when an incredibly attractive man surprises me with his tongue in my mouth, the most logical response is to kiss back.”

“You think I’m incredibly attractive?”

She rolls her eyes. “Of course that’s the part you choose to focus on. You see yourself in the mirror every day. You can’t tell me you don’t know you’re nice to look at. I’m just stating a fact.”

My ego inflates a little at this. I know I’m not unattractive, but my nose has been broken a couple of times, and there’s a bump I can’t ever get rid of without plastic surgery. I’ve had knee surgery and I’m not great under anesthetic, so I’d prefer to avoid that scenario. I also have a few small facial scars from playing rugby all those years, which, in the environment I grew up in, takes me down a few points on the desirability scale. Not that I give a fuck. It’s my mother who seems to be worried about it, as she does about every line and gray hair. It’s a blessing I don’t have any sisters.

I see. So you’re telling me if any incredibly attractive man did what I did, you’d respond the exact same way.”

“Now you’re generalizing. It’s circumstantial.”

“What do you mean by circumstantial?”

“Well, I guess I assumed you had to be a guest at the engagement party.”

“So that made it okay to kiss a stranger? Because we were attending the same event?”

She pauses with her spoon at her lips. “That’s not what I said.”

“It sounds like that’s what you’re implying.” That spoons slips into her mouth and she licks it clean before she responds. The entire time I’m thinking increasingly dirty thoughts about that tongue of hers.

She flounders a little. “It’s not like I was at some seedy bar with seedy douches. It was an engagement party.”

“So that makes me better somehow?”

“Are you always this antagonistic?” She throws up her hands. “You kissed me. You smelled good and you’re good with your tongue so I went with it. Stop judging me.”

“I’m not judging, I’m just asking. So on top of being incredibly attractive and smelling good I’m also an excellent kisser.”

“I never said excellent, you added your own adjective. And if you keep talking about how attractive you are you’ll go from a ten to a nine pretty fast.”

Buy Links

Amazon: www.amazon.com/Shacking-Up-Helena-Hunting-ebook/dp/B01N0Z4VSD

B&N: www.barnesandnoble.com/w/shacking-up-helena-hunting/1125454600?ean=9781250133328

iBooks: itunes.apple.com/us/book/shacking-up/id1193305884

Kobo: www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/shacking-up-3

Google Play: play.google.com/store/books/details?id=KATdDQAAQBAJ

Audible: www.audible.com/pd/Romance/Shacking-Up-Audiobook/B0722D5HF2

Author Bio

New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of PUCKED, Helena Hunting lives on the outskirts of Toronto with her incredibly tolerant family and two moderately intolerant cats. She's writes contemporary romance ranging from new adult angst to romantic sports comedy.

Author Links

Website: helenahunting.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/helena.hunting69

Twitter: @HelenaHunting

Instagram: www.instagram.com/helenahunting Review

Shacking Up by Helena Hunting Shacking Up is a romantic comedy starring two leads who were born into upper crust families but do things a little differently than many surrounding them. They aren't has worried about expectations of what's proper. Ruby is trying to become a broadway star. She's having trouble getting a role. When her father cuts her off, she ends up live-in pet setting for Bancroft. This story is full of dirty inner monologue and exotic animals and has plenty of sexual tension and humorous situations. If you're a fan of lighthearted romance, you should check it out.

***copy given in exchange for an honest review*** FGMAMTC 

Fangirl Moments and My Two Cents

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