#or 2) a friend expressing interest/being invested in it and asking for continuation... bc... i love my friends

[moe-broey]

MEANWHILE. In another realm. I've revisited Alear's FB's

I FEEL LIKE. Alfonse's problem isn't so much that he's emotionally guarded, despite, you know, being extremely emotionally guarded. It's that He Isn't. Like. At the same time.

Consistently, without fail, Alfonse puts himself in situations where he's amicable and helpful. Their C support consists of Alfonse helping Alear see to her own odds and ends, having been brought to Askr with nothing but the clothes on her back. A common situation! He gets her a ring case to put all her rings in. So here, he's helping. And when Alear shows him the rings, and tells him the lore/significance of the rings, he takes an interest -- because of course he would! That sort of thing is right up his alley. And so he's not only amicable enough to be approachable, he's also showing interest in the things she's interested in, and having a spirited conversation about it.

Their B support consists of more of the same, just getting into the details of how Emblems work. HE DOESN'T REALIZE IT YET. But he's bonding with Alear. This goofy ass motherfucker doesn't realize this is literally how friendships are formed. Like I'm convinced he's thinking they're just talking lore and stuff and it's a casual conversation between casual allies and surely nothing emotionally charged will come out of this. He's just being friendly (without NECESSARILY becoming Friends) and there's nothing more to it, there Will be nothing more to it.

A support.

She voices A Problem. TWO things about Alfonse. 1) He was built in a lab to be a fixer (juries still out on his methods/solutions) and 2) He takes things SO personally when he relates to it. PVP enabled he's going to fucking get your ass about it. He is sooooooooo emotionally distant Up Until you fucking provoke him (AND THIS. ISN'T EVEN ENTIRELY TRUE. BC WHAT HE DOESN'T REALIZE IS GENUINELY BONDING OVER SHARED INTERESTS COUNTS TOWARDS BECOMING INVESTED IN THAT PERSON which is HOW he ended up in The Situation in the FIRST PLACE).

Which leads to him "helping" (POORLY.) (Because in all of this he IS still wired to help people)

Which just pisses him off even MORE, believing he has the Correct and Inevitable perspective and desperately wants to get Alear to see it the same way, doubling down.

(Bro I am going to hit image limit again before even making my point..... AUGH)

Alear's next lines, "That's true, but won't keeping my distance mean I appreciate them less while I have them?" / "Is that how you see your relationships with Heroes? With me?" / "No matter how much time we spend together, you'll always keep me at arm's length for when I have to go?"

Here, I think Alear is expressing to him she already sees him as her friend. I don't think Alfonse picks up on it though, trying again to get her to see his side of the issue -- as if, in his mind, they're just debating and not having an emotional conversation.

Alfonse's next lines: "Consider it from my perspective. If I am too attached to you, and you leave, I could lose my will to fight." (ALFONSE. ALFONSE. COME ON MAN.) (LIKE. Idk man if you're saying shit like that I think it's too late. It's so over for you.)

THIS ONE THOUGH. I THINK. PLEASE staywith me but it is the root of it all

Euden's (named Milo here lmfao Milo jumpscare) next line: "Do you not feel the same way about us?"

Alfonse's lines: "My apologies, but no. The forming of friendships is a thing I don't take lightly." / "It's true that I rely on the assistance of Heroes summoned from different worlds when fighting, but that is wholly different."

Alfonse lines (continued): "I have a duty, and can't afford such hurt. So if I grow close to someone, I do so accepting the potential consequences."

AAAAUGHHHH WHAT IS MY THESIS. WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT. I HAVE MORE CONNECTIONS TO MAKE. AND FOR WHAT‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

SOMEHOW. His Book 1 (p sure they're from Book 1) lines to Kiran that go, "I suppose we don't know much about your world. And how rude of us to not ask until now!" / "What? Your world has buildings that scrape the sky? And what do you mean by 'cars'?" / "Like wagons... that run without horses... and are made out of metal? Fascinating." <- THESE LINES. Combined with his smiling sprite. TO ME are a direct parallel to his C and B Alear conversations, HOW, he's taking an interest in Kiran and without realizing he's growing a fondness for them.

Something SOMETHING about his cognitive dissonance about how he can be friendly without "being friends", how he's afraid of caring too much when it's clear he already cares at least a little ESPECIALLY SHOWN. In how, Alfonse doesn't realize he could have hurt Alear's feelings until she directly states it: "I understand. Still... it makes me sad."

ONLY THEN he gets his panicked(?) sprite, replying, "I apologize for upsetting you." It's here I think he finally realizes, OH. THIS IS. An emotional conversation and not like a debate of ideals and I feel bad for hurting you. BECAUSE!!!!!!!! HE'S COME TO CARE ABOUT ALEAR!!!!!!!!! IN ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!!! Whether he's fully aware of it or not, whether he LIKES it or not, he cares about her feelings and wants to make it right. Into, expressing (again that PVP "Well I took that personally" reaction he has): "I suppose it's just that, when you talk about the Emblems, how you worry, I feel as if I'm hearing my own voice."

Which S support, sets up for a resolution and mutual understanding peace and love all is well with the world 👍

ALSO the parallel to Euden, since this is the very start of what would be analogous to support conversations (side story content unlocked by powering up the character), Euden takes Alfonse's response to him in stride -- since, there's no real emotional stakes. Aside from, Euden wishing they could be friends (since he's just built like that), but ultimately giving Alfonse space and respecting his feelings about it. The Point: While they've been working together, Alfonse hasn't Quite developed that fondness yet I don't think (esp from what I remember from the main plot of the crossover event, which is next to nothing LMFAO). It develops later!!!!!!

If I hadn't hit image limit I would insert the What the FUCK are you two talking about meme here like. What the fuck AM I talking about. Can someone else make this post actually I don't think I'm qualified 😭😭😭😭😭😭

MAIN POINT.

I look at Alfonse and I go I think I hauve covid.

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 3 - Catholic Character Tournament

Propaganda below ⬇️

Michael

Literally the whole movie series is framed around the sacraments. Weddings and first communions and baptisms.

I just thought of the Godfather bc of the tumblr ask about people who are devout in some ways but uhh not very holy in other ways, and nobody is a better example of that than Michael in the montage toward the end of the Godfather. I saw the film for the first time last year, and that sequence just floored me. Will not spoil it in case you haven't seen the film but ohhh my goodness

Ronan Lynch

Uhh fun fact he saw the devil flash his father once, and that's one of the reasons he goes to church on Sundays <3

context for this scene from book 2: ronan is in church with his older brother declan, younger brother matthew, and ghost friend noah "Joseph Kavinsky isn’t someone I want you being around,” Declan added. “Don’t snort. I’m serious.” Ronan merely invested a look with as much contempt as he could muster. A lady reached over the top of Noah to pat Matthew’s head fondly before continuing down the aisle. She didn’t seem to care that he was fifteen, which was all right, because he didn’t, either. Both Ronan and Declan observed this interaction with the pleased expressions of parents watching their prodigy at work. Declan repeated, “Like, actually dangerous.” Sometimes, Declan seemed to think that being a year older gave him special knowledge of the seedier side of Henrietta. What he meant was, did Ronan know that Kavinsky was a cokehead. In his ear, Noah whispered, “Is crack the same thing as speed?” Ronan didn’t answer. He didn’t think it was a very church-appropriate conversation. “I know you think you’re a punk,” Declan said. “But you aren’t nearly as bad ass as you think you are.” “Oh, go to hell,” Ronan snapped, just as the altar boys broached the rear doors. “Guys,” Matthew pleaded. “Be holy.”

Gay Catholic streetracing farmer. Consumed by catholic guilt NOT because of the gay thing but because he can Create things in a way he thinks should be only God's business. Will literally roll up to mass on sunday morning still drunk and bloody.

THIS GOTH KID IS LITERALLY GOD. This is a god trapped in the body of a Catholic teen and if he ever stopped feeling Catholic guilt he’d end the world!!. How is your confession every week that you creating a whole new being? Babygirl the God is coming from inside the house

eldritch entity from beyond the mortal plane wants to be a Real Human Boy, becomes a real (ish!) human (ish!) boy, goes to mass every sunday

Gay boy got his crush an apartment above his church so he could have his two favorite things in one place

gay. I'm not caught up the the series but I went through the tag when the latest book came out and I remember seeing a quote that said he worried if his boyfriend would make it to heaven when he dies because of his agnostic tendencies.

Kid is like a dream warlock who creates psychic horrors and never goes to confession because why would he? and he’s gay

There are no words

basically ronan's powers are inherited from his dead father niall and it means he can bring anything from a dream into real life. so he's got this whole crisis about whether he is a living piece of blasphemy because men are not meant to have the powers of gods or whether he literally is god. which is not acceptable to him for a number of reasons but mostly because he hates himself. his love interest's name is adam and adam lives in a small apartment above a church which the book says focuses the objects of his worship neatly into one building. I love them both dearly. also, this entire page makes me feel like I'm going insane. Ronan Lynch believed in heaven and hell. Once, he’d seen the devil. It had been a low, late morning at the Barns when the sun had burned off the mist and then burned off the chill and then burned the edges off the ground until everything shimmered with heat. It never got hot in those protected fields, but that morning, the air sweated with it. Ronan had never seen cattle pant before. All of the cows heaved and stuck their tongues out as they frothed with the heat. His mother sent Ronan to put them in the shade of the cattle barn. Ronan had gone to the searing metal gate, and as he did, he’d glimpsed his father, already in the barn. Four yards away from him had stood a red man. He was not truly red, but the burned orange of a fire ant. And he was not truly a man, because of the horns and the hooves. Ronan remembered the alienness of the creature, how real it had been. Every costume in the world had gotten it wrong; every drawing in every comic book. They’d all forgotten that the devil was an animal. Looking at the red man, Ronan had been struck by the intricacy of the body, how many miraculous pieces moved smoothly in harmony, no different than his own. Niall Lynch had had a gun in hand — the Lynches had an enormous number of guns of all sizes — and just as Ronan had opened the gate, his father had shot the thing about thirteen times in the head. With a shake of its horns, the unharmed devil had presented its genitalia to Niall Lynch before bounding off. It was an image that had yet to leave Ronan. And so Ronan became a reverse evangelist. The truth burst and grew inside him, and it was laid upon him to share it with no one. No one was meant to see hell before they get there. No one should have to live with the devil. So many homilies on faith were ruined once you no longer required it for belief.

[athanatosora]

If someone were to donate you 50 dollars to do a chapter of a specific fanfic you have unfinished, would you do it?

the cost of me confronting my past sins is too expensive for anyone to afford

[fbfh]

I think you've horribly misread the situation [shitty roommate pt 2] - leo x reader

wc: 2.3k

genre: contemporary drama, you're definitly going to get second hand embarrassment, cozy fluff

pairing: leo x reader, attempted isabella x leo

reader: gender neutral, they/them

requested: hell yeah

warnings: mild swearing, roommate tries to steal your man once again, mentions of various mainstream vampire media (twilight, the vampire diaries etc.), brief mention of castlevania (even though i haven't seen it yet lol), breif mention of videogames and assassins creed, very mild delusion (roommate is secretly convinced leo is a vampire that's in love with her), attempted age gap relationship (she's 17 and leo's 19, he shuts that down real fast), very bad poetry

summary: You and Leo are both looking foward to spending a long weekend together, and Leo is determined not to let anything interrupt it, even if it means turning down your roommate's attempts to seduce him in the kitchen.

a/n: absolutley no hate or shade or judgement to anyone who has the same or similar traits as isabella!!!!!! at her core she's annoying because she's the antagonist, not bc of any isolated trait or traits

also she's shitty cause she keeps trying to steal your boyfriend?????

Edit: I forgot to mention before, but this is a college au where you're both still demigods, so you went to camp and on quests and stuff together

This weekend is going to be all about recharging. Recharging from the ridiculous back to back closing and opening shifts at work, recharging from having to redo that stupid project twice because your professor couldn’t decide on a clear way to define the criteria, and recharging from Isabella having her townie friend Regan over almost non stop to “completely shake up her look” as she put it.

Between the constant presence of someone you’d barely consider an acquaintance and Big Time Rush’s self titled album blasting on repeat out of her giant airpod shaped speaker, it’s been harder than usual to get in some effective self care. You have no idea how many more times you can hear the phrase “I’m going for Jade West meets Elena Gilbert, with just a little Buffy Summers” before you lose your fucking mind.

Thankfully, the hard part is almost over. There’s some minor holiday tomorrow on friday, so you and Leo both have a three day weekend ahead of you, which you intend to spend entirely together. You planned ahead, frontloading homework, chores, errands, and everything you could think of to remove anything that isn’t cuddling or playing video games and watching netflix together from your horizon.

This includes going straight from work to the grocery store to stock the fridge and get any snacks you and Leo want. You had texted him a while ago asking for anything he was craving, and head into the store with a concrete list. After a while, you circle around some aisles, avoiding the check out.

“I feel like I’m forgetting something,” you muse, knowing it’s untrue, but hoping to trigger a memory anyway. You can’t put it off any longer, finally checking out and heading back to your apartment. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t avoiding Isabella just a little.

You know bringing in all these groceries would be way easier with Isabella and possibly Regan’s help, but you just don’t have the social energy to talk to anyone, much less her, right now. By some miracle, you bring everything in yourself, and hope to get it put away before you see Isabella.

You turn to the freezer, putting away the ice cream. When you turn back around, you’re suddenly met face to face with Isabella, who has opened one of the boxes and is picking at a pastry.

“Hey girlie,” she says, elongating the hey.

“Hey,” you reply lethargically, putting the last of the groceries away. She looks at the pastry in her hand like she’s just noticing it.

“Sorry, I can’t help it, I’m italian.” She smiles, endeared by her own behavior. You have no idea what being italian has to do with asking before you open a box of your roommate’s food, but this really isn’t out of character for her. She brings up the fact that she’s half italian more than Lele Pons blames her behavior on being latina.

She’s wearing sweatpants that say chaser on the leg in red and gold varsity font, and a tight tee shirt that says “it’s okay to love them both” with silhouettes of the male love interests from one of the vampire shows she always watches. You collect the plastic bags to put in recycling, and see a piece of paper on the counter.

It reads as follows:

Drowning in my mind

No one hears me cry

Who was I before society

Before society put me in a pink dress

And handed me blonde hair dye

And told me to lose ten pounds or be labeled a freak?

The happiest people cry the most

Let the lyrics be your story

But I’m not like the other skinny blonde pretty girls

I’m

Different

-b.g. xox

You hold back a sigh.

“I think this is yours.” you say, handing it to her.

“Oh, it’s just some of my poetry I left lying around, that’s so embarrassing.”

I know, you think, you do that all the time.

“Did you read it?” She asks, hopefully.

“Nope.”

“Thank god, that would have been so embarrassing. My poetry is something really… deep, and personal to me.”

“Uh huh. Hey, I’m going to be doing a lot of self care this weekend, so-”

“Oh!” she interjects, eerily similar to Phoebe Buffay - you guess she’s been watching friends again - “I wanted to ask… is Leo coming over later?” Her voice is riddled with subtext, the expression on her face a little too invested in your answer.

“Uh, yeah. I told you the other day we’re spending the weekend together…”

She cuts you off again, a sudden, intense look on her face.

“When will he be here?”

You check your phone, scrolling through your recent texts.

“By 7 at the latest.” It’s around 6:40 now.

“Oh my god, I have to change,” she rushes back to her room, presumably digging through her recent additions to her closet.

You’re frozen for a minute after the interaction, left with a furrowed brow and the beginnings of a headache. You blink, then choose to reschedule processing why she feels the need to change for your boyfriend to a more convenient time. That’s enough of that for today. You don’t care what else happens, you’re not talking to anyone besides Leo for at least the rest of the day. You retreat to your room to finally shower and change into something comfy. As you pass by Isabella’s room, you hear her talking to Regan.

“...There’s something almost… supernatural about him.”

You bite back a laugh.

“Do you think he’s a…” Regan begins, ending the sentence with something too quiet to hear, but you’d bet almost any organ she said vampire.

So close. So, so close, and yet… here you are.

Not much later, Leo texts you to let you know he’s here. You read his text, and run out to hug him in the living room before even typing a reply. He picks you up, and spins you around. The embrace is warm and fulfilling and familiar, and you wish it would last forever.

“Hi, Sparky.” you murmur into his neck.

“Estrella…” he says, rocking you back and forth gently and pressing a kiss into your jawline, “I missed you so much.” He punctuates the sentence with another kiss, this one to your lips, and you smile more genuinely than you have all day. You’re about to agree when you remember the good news you’ve been saving to tell him in person.

“Guess what I got on sale for like, half off,” you start, excitedly, continuing at his invested expression, “the Assassin’s Creed bundle I showed you!”

“No way,” he starts, and you nod.

“I’ll go get everything set up, drinks are in the kitchen!” He watches you retreat into your room, disbelieving how he could possibly get someone as perfect as you to fall for him. He’s not going to question his luck. He grabs a couple caffeinated sparkling ices, and meets you in your room, setting down his bag and grabbing some comfy clothes to change into.

As you both get settled in, you fill each other in on all the ridiculous shit you’ve been through this week. You finally conclude the bizarre - yet somehow standard - Isabella escapades.

“So I will be avoiding all contact as much as possible,” you laugh.

“Yeah, no shit,” he agrees, “Consider me your human buffer.” You thank him, hugging him again and pressing a kiss to his lips.

The next couple hours are spent cuddling and finishing season 4 of Castlevania. Both reeling from the season finale, you agree this is a good place to take a break, get some food, and decide what game you should start with. It’s already 10pm, which most people would consider too late for dinner, but you have all weekend to fuck up your sleep schedules.

“Let’s review,” Isabella says, holding up two red lipsticks. She turns to Regan. “Which one?”

“That one,” Regan says, pointing to the one on the left, then turns to her list, and continues. “Here’s what we know; we’ve never seen him eat, and he never seems tired. He’s really smart-”

“Almost too smart,” Isabella adds, selecting black rose dangle earrings from her jewelry. Regan agrees, and continues.

“He’s almost hypnotically attractive, and his smile is a little too dazzling.”

“There’s something… supernatural about him. Like he’s not… all human.”

Regan writes this down.

“Plus he’s always wearing black and red, and those flowy button up shirts? It’s all adding up, Ree. That dream that someone was outside my window, the ring, everything…” She says, referencing the black and red cocktail ring she’d found with her stuff when she’d first moved, “I’m not saying it’s definite, just that… there’s a chance.”

“What about…” Regan says hesitantly, nodding toward your room.

“Please,” she scoffs, “he’s only with them to get close to me, like Damon and Caroline. Edward couldn’t have just approached Bella out of the blue, he had to infiltrate her friend group first, to seem less suspicious. Not to sound mean or anything, but they really don’t seem like the type someone… like him… would choose.” her voice gets dreamy when she mentions him.

In spite of having seen most mainstream vampire media almost as many times as Isabella, Regan still considers her the expert on these things, and decides not to point out that Edward didn’t infiltrate Bella’s friend group. Maybe it comes up in one of the retellings she hasn’t read yet.

“So, what now?”

Isabella sets down her lipstick, and turns to her friend.

“I tell him.”

Regan’s eyes widen.

“You’re going to tell him you know?”

“No… not yet. It’s too soon, we don’t have enough evidence. I’m going to tell him I know he’s in love with me, then once he’s secure in our relationship... we’ll see where it goes.”

She stands up, assessing herself in the mirror. She chose her outfit carefully; short red dress with black roses and black mesh collar, black rose bracelet to match her earrings, snug faux leather jacket, and black stiletto ankle booties with a very skinny heel, the zipper on the outside gold, not silver. She fluffs her wavy hair and turns towards the door. She looks back one more time, holding onto the doorway.

“Wish me luck.”

Leo enters the kitchen, seeing Isabella already there, leaning against the counter seductively. She’s wearing an outfit and jewelry this late at night that makes Leo wonder if she’s going to an emo tea party. He puts the takeout in the microwave. She’s still staring at him.

“Uh… hey.”

She lets out a dainty giggle, looking him up and down.

“... Hi.”

At a loss for words, and really wanting the awkward silence to be over, he continues, “Did you need something?”

“What I need,” she walks closer to him, tracing her finger over his collar, “is you.”

What the fuck?

His brain seems to stall for a moment, and she uses this opportunity to continue.

“I know why you’re here. I know that you’re only using them to get closer to me. I know-”

“Woah-”

“That you’re in love with me.”

Okay, double what the fuck.

She takes his stunned silence as shyness, and steps closer, putting her arms around his shoulders.

“You don’t need to play so coy, I-”

This time she’s the one that gets cut off. He grabs her arms and gently steps away, trying to make it abundantly clear that he’s not into this.

“Woah, okay, slow down. First of all, you’re 17 and I’m turning 20 in a couple months, so that’s a hard no. Second, I don’t know where you got this idea, but I am not dating them to get closer to you. We’ve known each other since we were like, 15, and have been through everything together. I’ve only known you for a couple months. I love them. Probably more than I’ve loved anything ever. I thought that was pretty obvious.”

He doesn’t want to be mean, he really doesn’t, but he can tell from the look on her face that she still thinks this is all part of some game.

“So why don’t I ever see you eat? Why are you so smart, and always up at night? I know what you are.”

He has to physically hold back a laugh. He takes a step back, and places his hands on the counter.

“Isabella, I have adhd. And I’m literally an engineering student. Why wouldn’t I be smart and have a shitty sleep schedule?”

She starts to protest, and he pulls out the reheated take out from the microwave.

“And for the record, I do eat.”

Exiting the kitchen quickly and retreating back to your room, he hands you your food.

“I got the game set up!” you say excitedly.

“Nice!”

You take one look at his face and can tell something happened. He sees this, and continues.

“I just had a very… interesting interaction with Isabella,” before he finishes the sentence, your head is already in your hands. You let out a groan.

“What did she do?” you mutter from behind your hands.

He pulls you into his lap, rubbing your back.

“I’m not totally sure,” you laugh, “but I think she thinks I’m secretly in love with her…” you’re both laughing before he can even finish the sentence.

“No…” you laugh, “no fucking way…”

“Believe me, I put an end to that as soon as it started.”

“Oh, I do.”

He runs his hand over your back, and you’re quiet for a moment.

“You know,” he continues, “I think getting our own place has definitely moved up the priority list.”

You couldn’t agree more.

[moldy-mold]

Hello! It’s already May... Life updates - a roller coaster of emotions

A tempestuous, tearful April... Aghh the struggle has not eased up a bit. Living is just too expensive to be shouldered by part-time wages, meager freelance, and fickle confidence. My parents are disappointed - I’ve always tried to dodge the questions about my uncertain future. After all, I don’t have any answers.

What nearly broke my spirit was the humiliating scolding I received on my birthday. “You’re almost 30. Stop playing around at the cafe, don’t you know your bank account is nearly empty? How will you pay for this? If you can’t afford car insurance then just bike to work!” I didn’t even have time to think about how inconsiderate that was. In a daze, I hung up and went to my second part-time job that day.

Well, Dad, those are the questions I asked myself every single day. All I can do is keep trying even if you don’t believe in me. Because, despite everything, I still believe in myself.

Nothing good will come out of asking these punishing questions. I don’t know if things will get better or worse. Just gotta do what I can to get by as a small creature existing in this universe.

I learned to stop blaming myself for not being successful. Given the circumstances, I think the odds are stacked pretty high against most of us right now.

“Banish the nonsense. Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough.” - Annihilation

--

I’ve begun my investment journey! After studying how it all works I have come to understand the value of investing. It was one of my resolutions for this year and I’m glad I’ve achieved it.

My brother, a crypto enthusiast, knows my monetary plight and has been helping me out in the weirdest ways.

6 am text: “Hey Sis, you got $1000? Put it into Dogecoin... like NOW.”

I don’t like doing these kinds of high-risk-high-reward investments but what the heck, I was desperate. I applied for an account that can trade crypto.

In the end my account got rejected (there was no explanation) and I gave up. Because of course that would happen lol.

--

“Hey, do you have time to talk about the future?” “UM... are we breaking up???” “LOL don’t say it like that!”

My roommate / best friend decided she wanted to move to her own place and find her own way in life. Of course, my fragile heart, still tender from the previous month’s beating, took it very personally. I was reassured it wasn’t my fault - there are plenty of other valid reasons why.

We’ve been sharing an apartment for 6 years now, and although I knew it would happen someday, it was quite shocking to hear it being said to me in reality. At first, I laughed it off because I’ve been dreaming about moving out of the country anyway and it all works out. I’m an introverted, neat-freak, homebody! It’s perfect! But after a very pensive shower, I realized that I’m actually terrified to be without any companionship. Either way, I have to put my feelings aside because I don’t wanna hold her back from her dreams. I may have trouble accepting it now but hopefully I can genuinely be happy for her in time.

--

The Plant Life Please welcome Rokurou, the newest addition to my jungle.

It’s been a few weeks and he totally ate bugs already lol. Nice! I was thinking the smaller traps wouldn’t catch anything, but it turns out they’ve been doing the most work. The larger traps can’t catch ants or tiny gnats. They just crawl out after the trap snaps shut.

This venus fly trap is rather picky about what water he gets so I’ve been out there collecting rainwater in buckets JUST for him! Kind of a pain, but I will do whatever it takes to keep him alive.

It was a very tiny dream of mine to collect and care for carnivorous plants. If the shop had more varieties, I would probably buy them all.

--

I thought I was gonna die... Hostess for a day. One day while working at the cafe, this old Chinese man came in asking how much I made here. Then he told me if I work as a hostess/front desk person at his restaurant (which was next to the cafe, by the way), he will pay me more than the cafe. He slipped me $5 to go see him after my shift at 9pm. It was soooooo sketch. But I went anyway to at least hear him out after telling my roommate and my parents where I was going. You know... in case I die.

Luckily I didn’t die. It was a normal Chinese restaurant. I met the staff and they were all super cool and the mysterious old man goes by Mr. Lin.

Mr. Lin was very chill about it. He said I can have a trial run after my bakery shift on Saturday. If I don’t like it, I can just tell him no and he will pay me for my time.

I knew it was a bad idea to take another shift after a long shift at the cafe but I did it anyway. It was BUSY. Too busy for anyone to teach me how to be a hostess so I literally just had to guess what I’m supposed to be doing. It was kinda obvious though, showing people to their tables. I picked them at random bc I didn’t know if there was a method to seating people or not.

There are three different menus: Chinese, Korean and English and they’re ALL different. Depending on the nationality of who walks in, I have to decide for myself which menu to hand out. Uhhhhh despite being Asian myself, I cannot tell the difference between Korean and Chinese people lmao so I have to keep awkwardly asking people which menu they want. *screams*

The manager, Vincent, is so OP though. He knows exactly which menu to get every time. I was like HOW DO YOU KNOW?? He only responded with “working in the business for 24 years.”

Anyway, it was a long and confusing night of people thinking I am a waitress and me not knowing where the spoons are. But I don’t think this job is for me, even if it pays a lot.

There sure is plenty of demand for part-time food service workers and zero demand for full-time graphic designers... sigh. My journey doing random jobs in 2021 continues.

--

My brother graduated pharmacy school last week. In our culture, the older sibling’s shoulders is where all the expectations should rest. Maybe in another AU I would feel small and inferior to my younger and more successful sibling. But I don’t feel anything like that. In fact, if he can take care of my parents while I’m trying to figure out my own life, then I’m just more grateful to him. Maybe my parents don’t expect anything of me anymore, which is okay. Either way, my brother and I have each other’s backs.

--

Berseria I went into it with ZERO expectations because of its infamous predecessor, but I have come out pleasantly surprised. I liked it more than I thought. I’m at the end but I’m not done with the story yet.

I remember expressing my utter confusion about Zesty and everyone was like “play Berseria, it will answer a majority of your questions.” And boy, it did and I’m so glad. I loved all the throwbacks and references and lore that had to do with the previous game. Like, they really had something interesting going on here but it never quite came to fruition last time.

Is it just me, or did it take a very long time to understand all the battle mechanics? Like... I didn’t get the hang of the game until we got to Meirchio. Now I am quite good at playing Rokurou, my main. And it feels way more fun. I usually like mage characters in the old tales games but tbh I wasn’t really into it this time.

After we finish Bersy, we will be moving on to Xillia 2, our final Tales game! Gaius, I’m coming for you.

--

Xenoblade At the same time, I am also finishing up Xenoblade after spending nearly a year on it. I have weeks where I’m just grinding the side quests to unlock the skill trees. When I’m down, traveling and exploring in this game puts my worries to rest. Really though, the maps are so beautiful... And the music! T_T

This is one of the few games where I like every character pretty much equally, though Dundun and Riki win by just a little bit.

--

That’s it for now. Thanks for being here!

[bettsfic]

1. it's celibate!anon again. I hate that those people did that to you. Tbh, a similar-ish sitch is what lead to me making the decision. I told my ex i was ace and had no interest in sex and they seemed cool at first but then i kept getting pushed and pushed and eventually we had sex. Honestly sometimes i feel like i was r*ped bc i was basically manipulated into it (spoiler alert: they were a terrible person). I had a couple of mental breakdowns

2. ... because when you’re going along with it for someone else, it ends up feeling like you’re being used. Esp when they have little to no concept of cuddling/being romantic after. It was always romance to ply me, then nothing. I *needed* that affection after to feel like i wasn’t being used but i got yelled at a few times when i tried to cuddle because they were tired or whatever. Not too tired to have sex with me two minutes ago tho.

And then it’s a cycle. Don’t cuddle because you don’t want to get yelled at and called emotional, get upset because it feels like you’re nothing, need to cuddle more, get treated like you’re a burden for needing it (but somehow they’re not the burden for wanting sex all the f*cking time). Repeat. I’m like you, I like to please people, so I just kept going along with it. Tbh, I didn’t realise how much i’d probably been manipulated/abused till I got out.

4. But i realised i can’t trust myself to set halfway boundaries. That’s why I decided it has to be nothing. Honestly i really appreciate your advice - you’re right, they’ve got to be with you 100%. If they’re not, i’ll end up back where i was, miserable and not knowing it - i decided to be celibate to stop that. I don’t know if i’ll ever meet someone like that, but tbh, i’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than keep giving up parts of myself to feed someone else’s problem. 

 5, Final. Sorry for the tmi, i just haven’t really spoken to anyone about this and you’re so honest with what happened, i want you to know you’re not alone, y’know? esp because u give folks like me such raw good advice. i hate that that advice came from something that hurt you. but i guess i (and others) got hurt too, that's why we need that advice. sorry for all the downer stuff :/ i really hope we both meet someone who will respect us and our decisions one day. it shouldn't be that hard.

damn, i’m sorry that happened to you too. the being-used thing really resonates with me. i used to feel used all the time. in every relationship, friendship, family, whatever. to the point where i didn’t know what it felt like not to be used, and if i wasn’t useful, i felt worthless. which is a terrible cycle, and one i’m glad i got out of. it never once occurred to me that someone could just like the person i was, and want to spend time with me because they enjoyed my company. now i know what it feels like to give and receive real love, but i’m sad it took me so long to learn. 

i have three litmus tests when i make friends/meet potential interests:

do you make me feel good about myself? do i feel confident around you? am i not afraid to be myself?

do you appreciate the things about me that i appreciate about me? 

for example, i’m a smart person, but i don’t value intelligence in myself as much as, say, kindness and patience. so someone who is crazy about me for how smart i am and doesn’t care about my capacity for empathy probably isn’t someone i want to be close to.

sub-test: do they express appreciation/affection? the answer is different for different people depending on their love language. i’m big on acts of service, but i struggle with verbal affection. but the point is, i’ve had a lot of people in my life who only show their appreciation for me when i ask for reassurance, and they never offer it freely.

how do you react to critical feedback? how do you respond when you’ve done something to upset me?

this is the most important one, because if someone responds with anything other than “i’m so sorry, i’ll try to never do it again” as well as a drive to understand what it was that i found upsetting and why it upset me -- a need to get the bigger picture, then they will continue doing cruel things. i’ve been close to several people who always openly apologize when they’ve done wrong things, but then they keep doing different wrong things, and they never seem to understand the bigger picture of my feelings. they were just inconsiderate people. 

a lot of well-meaning and nice people still get defensive and angry when they’ve upset someone, because they can’t rectify the fact that they can cause pain passively. most people believe being well-intentioned is good enough, and prize their self-interests and the sanctity of their self-perception over yours. that’s not okay. that’s a major sign of immaturity. 

any person who fails any of these tests for any reason gets immediately cut out of my heart (which is to say, i might not mind being around them, or talking to them, or occasionally hanging out, but i will not invest time and energy into the relationship, and they’ll never be more than an acquaintance). maybe that’s harsh, but there are a lot of good people in the world, and a lot of good people in my life, and i don’t have the time or energy for ones who don’t make me feel good about myself, love what i love about me, and don’t have my best interests at heart.

(this all, of course, goes the other way around too. i give this litmus test to myself when i make a new friend. “do i encourage them to be their best and most authentic self around me? do i value and appreciate them? do i know and respect their boundaries?” and if any of those are in question, i try to reach out and fix it. it’s hard and sometimes awkward to ask someone, “hey, what are your boundaries?” or “is there any way i can be a better friend to you?” but i value transparency in relationships. blunt honesty, to me, is the easiest and clearest way to communicate.) 

i’ve been accused of my standards being too high, and i’m fine with that. i agree with you -- i’d rather be alone than settle for someone who doesn’t make me glad to be myself. i’m very lucky that i have an amazing family and friends with whom i communicate really well, and while there are some things missing in my life still, i’m on solid enough ground that i feel comfortable walking away from toxic relationships. 

oh and lastly: if, while celibate, you get into a relationship with someone and do want to be physically intimate, you’ll know you weren’t pressured into it if you’re the one leading, and if you back off, there are no repercussions. i also recommend talking about sex well ahead of time, in a private area of a public space, like a park or a restaurant where you won’t be overheard, so you can get on the same page in a place where no forward movement can really happen. 

i wish you the best of luck, and hope you find some solace in being celibate. 

[19possums-blog]

On tianshan relationship and their fandom, i guess ?

hello there @nightfayre !! Im the 5asks anon lol (the one abt the last chapter of tianshan). I wanted to thank you for your answer and continue to rant in your askbox but i figured it was so long that mb it would crash ur box lmao, so I... kind of created a blog..... hm. well theres no bad reasons to create an account is there lol ?? (also is there no way to send a long ask ?? why is it so limited :(( )

So once again thank you for anwser, and what an answer ! You raised many points i didnt think about and that was very interesting. I knew i would be glad to hear your thoughts ! the rest under a read more coz i think its going to be looong lol

(( To do a sort of disclaimer : I despise fandom discourse and im more of the mentality “let ppl enjoy what they want as long as it dont hurt real life ppl”, and “dont like dont interact”. So everything im going to say is not an attack against anyone, but just a way of prolonging a manhwa that i like. Most of all, i want to emphasize that at the end of the day, its just a manhwa : it doesnt justify being mean or aggressive towards other real life ppl. If you find yourself raging while reading fandom wank, just stop reading, block, and go outside a little. My way of enjoying the manhwa is to be analytical, to criticize (positively and negatively) and to look at the material source as well as the fandom in itself ; if its (understandably lol) not your definition of fun, this post may not be for you !))

Ur totally right in saying that the hardest thing is separate morality, reality and fiction. I hope my asks didn't come across as a 'u shouldnt like tianshan bc its not morally good'. There is a lot of puritan push back on tumblr lately, and im totally against it. Everyone is free to like/ship what they want ; reading only ‘morally good’ literature wont prevent you to become a nasty person - i would argue itd be the exact opposite, as your spirit wont be trained to think critically or to evaluate a situation (and every situations is always grey) by your own means. Also, its important to separate fantasies/what you like to read and who you are/what you do. To be embarrassingly honest, and like many people, one of my sexual fantasy is rape ; but in my real life, im in a queer anarchist collective that actively fights against rape culture and defends rape victims. That is why i dont have a problem with SheLI/Mo shippers (or even HeCheng/SheLi shippers) even if its not my cup of tea, but i would have a problem if in real life (irl) ppl would say to irl Mo that irl SL is good for him (or if they wouldnt find it wrong that a irl 30yo Cheng is involved wt an irl 15yo Li). I digress.

But then again this confusion about fiction/reality/morality is at the core of the tianshan fandom -and many fandoms. I dont know about you, but i grossly see 3 types of ‘trends’ depending on how ppl interact with the source material  :

1.The ones who think you cant like something while being critical of it. I love 19 days but I think there are flaws in it, beyond tianshan dynamic (like how OX handles the transition between funny and dramatic moments –I think its badly done). It doesn’t mean I personally hate OX and wish harm to their family oc. Worse than this, the ones who, because they dont like certain things in 19 days, feel free to harass OX on their social media.  Here its a confusion between fiction and reality and a lack of critical thinking.

2. the ones that loves Tianshan because they think it fits the trope “Dark, handsome, tortured violent boy who is violent towards fragile, sweet, pure cute boy because he loves him” and the typically associated trope “the pure boy will change the violent boy by the pureness of his heart”. Aka the most common yaoi trope. Again, if it pleases people to see Tianshan like this, good for them and i hope they have a nice time reading 19 days. Lets face it, I love really bad yaoi and books. Its just not how i see tianshan at all, but to each their own. I just have a problem when these ppl insist that its an ok behavior to have in real life and say things like “possessiveness is a proof of love” uncritically (hint : it isnt). For me, its the difference between enjoying fast food (thats okay), and wanting to force everyone to eat fast food and to find it pleasurable (not okay).

3. the ones that think what you like in literature defines who you are, and so in order to be a “good person” you have to only like “morally good litterature” -there are the ones I personally find the more interesting bc they can ask good questions. But alas, in most cases its just puritanism badly disguised and currently they are in all fandoms. Lets not delve into the issue of this statement : what is ‘morally good’ ? who are in the authority to proclaim what is good ? how can you recognize what is ‘morally good’ if you dont see what is ‘morally not good’ ? is it literature’s responsibility to educate its audience ? do literature have to point out “watch out audience what just happened is not okay” as if we were brainless children ? whats more important : what you like reading or what you do irl ? .... Okay i totally delve into this lmao. Here its a confusion between fiction and morality and a rejection of critical thinking : we could say its like when the Catholics prohibited women from reading bc it would pervert them and think of the children).

Returning to the specifics of what we've been talking about  : so in this last case, you (generic ‘you’) think that you are a good person ; so you have to read morally good literature. So in this case, fandom isnt just a harmless hobby, but a proof of how you are morally good, imagine the stakes ! But alas, you happen to like 19 days and most specifically tianshan. You said (@nightfayre​ ) that you judge Tianshan unhealthy as they are now, and i wholeheartedly agree with you, so im not going to discuss why since you already explained it so well. So, what happens when you like a morally not good ship, but you think liking morally dubious things makes you a bad person ? You bent over backwards to explain that, in fact, this ship is morally good, to protect your integrity. And thats why, in 19days fandom since the last chapter (and its the same thing with every chapter where flaws of HT are revealed!), there are many posts going around “hm, in fact, what He Tian did is good ! i know it can seems like hes a violent asshole who dont respect MGS because he punches him, threatens him, and dont listen to him, but hm.... in fact its because he’s nice...” and then they do mental gymnastics to justify what is, obviously, not morally justifiable. And i find its a pity because, my guy, my buddy, nobody is going to throw you tomatoes if you like a morally dubious character, and also bc nothin is morally good ! everybody does what they think is the best in ‘problematic situations’ ! and thats what make life interesting ! and so, 19 days interesting ! The flaws of HT (and MGS) are what drawn ppl to his character, bc it makes him real, its makes him contradictory, we can project ourselves in him, and we can see a complicated character with awesome latent potential. And yes, treating someone like a territory bc you care about them is a flaw lol. (on this subject : i saw ppl saying that its protectiveness and not possession : if you protect someone like you would protect a territory, then its not a healthy protection. you deal with a human whose agency you must respect, contrary to a territory).

MGS and HT are the product of what happen to them in their early childhood and then their adolescence. Like you said, they grow up in a violent, twisted world, where being emotionally distant is the norm. I would even say that they are expected to conform to the standards of (toxic) masculinity : channel all your emotions into anger, caring is being weak and feminine, prove your worth by your physical strength, be in control in all ur relationship, etc. I would say thats why Mo is so hostile towards HT : HT challenges his masculinity, by seducing him (everyone know that the biggest fear of macho men like HT and Mo is being considered gay -_-) and being stronger than him. Lets face it, Mo has kind of a homophobic issue, like all the boys. Between JY who tells HT its disgusting being told hes handsome by a man (at the beginning of the manhwa, i hope by now he had grown out of it), or Mo who tells HT he isnt happy that a guy is on his bed or who desperately wants to prove his heterosexuality by saying he likes all cute girls to his baldy friend... HT is more nuanced, but at the end, when he ‘seduces’ Mo, its always predatory. He doesnt let himself being vulnerable and he aggressively touches Mo even without his consent. For me, its a way of proving his domination, not his interest (and when i say that, i dont mean that HT is not genuinely interested in Mo -just that his actions dont translate this). ZZX is the only one who seems to have a healthy relationship with his masculinity lol, but then hes the healthy one in all aspects (thats why i dont like his character and am not invested in zhanyi, even if irl i would love to be his friend).

With all that being said, oc HT wont know how to adequately express genuine concern and interest in Mo ! This sort of social interactions is not something you just know, its smth you learn. And in HT and Mo’s cases, nobody was there to teach them -we could even say that ppl in their life made them unlearn caring behaviors. So HT does what he does best : he fights and forces, and is surprised when Mo thinks (obviously) HT is evil. And also, like you said, Mo will never be (at least how he is now) a driving force in their relationships bc he will always run away from bonding with ppl. So here we are, HT being the only driving force in their relationship, the same HT who only knows violence. No wonder that their relationship is like this...

As it is, i feel like tianshan is kind of in an impasse right now. One or the other is going to have to evolve if we want to see their relationships changing. Either HT learns how to care without being violent (seems complicated if Mo doesnt challenges him, bc HT isnt going to realize this without feedback since its how he has always functioned), or, more likely, Mo is going to be honest with him and tell him that his behavior is hurting him. Though more probable, I dont see it happening anytime soon : for one, Mo isnt capable of seeing when he is hurting emotionally and what is hurting him ; and also, bc Mo doesnt know any other language than violence, not unlike HT. I think its smth most of the fandom ignore, how violence is smth that HT and MGS both have in common, and how if HT wasnt violent, MGS certainly wouldnt consider him at all.

Anw im excited to see where OX is going with all this ! Like you said, the forced kiss was pivotal to their relationship, so im kind of hoping it would be the same here ! I just hope they wont... do like usual and just put a funny chapter and ignore this latest development.....

OMG i wrote soo much and there is so much i still want to say.... i think im going to do a second post... sorry about the spam lmao

( @nightfayre : i dont know how this site works yet, is @ you alright ? will it show you my post in your notif or should i send an ask ?  bc i want you to see my answer, but i dont want you to feel pressurized to respond or interact or anything !! above all dont feel pressurized, i was sad last night when you wrote ‘im sorry to not answer more quicly’ bc you should answer at your own rhythm or not answer ! your blog is a hobby, not an obligation, so dont feel bad to not do more when yo already do much !! )

[yournewapartment]

I’m seriously in need of some advice. So I was dating this guy & things were just moving too quickly and he was saying how he loves me and I was honest with him that I don’t love him yet and I just have a lot going on in my personal life with family, school and such. So long story short we broke up a few months ago, but we still talk to eachother quite a bit and it’s nice bc he is still an important person in my life but lately he brought up the discussion of getting back together but I told 1/2

2/2 but i told him that while I still have feelings for him, things are still the same and I can’t give him what he wants especially with all that I have going on in my home life and I just started college so I know i’m gonna be even more busy. What i’m asking is, how do i tell him that I still want him in my life but I’m just not emotionally ready to be invested in a whole relationship which obviously involves being there for someone who I know i can’t commit the time to. Thank you so much x

Hey love, this is a tricky situation. It’s upsetting that you’ve told him multiple times that you don’t want to be in a romantic relationship, and he’s still holding out hope that you might change your mind. Before I met my current boyfriend, I was a magnet for this sort of behavior. I would befriend guys only to tell them multiple times that no, I did not want to be their girlfriend. I hate to say it, but once they finally got the message, the friendship never lasted.

I know that he’s an important person to you, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to try to continue trying to make this work. It sounds like he’s not interested in just being your friend, and I don’t think his behavior is going to change any time soon. If you’re OK with this because you care about his company and friendship, then so be it. But go in with eyes open and ready for what might happen.

Also… you made no indication of this at all in your ask, so this is not directed at you, just some general advice about this sort of thing. Please don’t make it a “have your cake and eat it too” situation. I have had many a female friend string along a supposed “male friend” with the “I don’t want to date you… right now” line. It’s completely irresponsible to play with somebody’s feelings that way, and it never ends well. This may not apply to you at all (like I said, the ask didn’t indicate it) but I wanted to express it regardless. - Mac

[sormikhell]

Why do I dislike Tales of Zestiria the X?

Recently I’ve been asked one question numerous times: “Why do you think the anime is shit? You only hate it because it doesn’t focus on SorMik, right?”

Now guys, I think it’s vital for me to answer this. Because let’s face it, we will never see face to face if we don’t discuss the matter. And look, here I am, typing this out because I feel this is important. So if you’re curious and want to understand why a lot of us dislike the anime then please bear with me because this will be long (6 pages in Word, 6!)

To make this a little bit easier for me, I’ll assume that you haven’t played the game or watched its walkthrough yet and that you like the anime. But of course if you did either of them it’s good, bc at least you’ll know what I am talking about.

And so, I shall do a character analysis in this post, comparing the game and anime selves to each other while I name some other issues as well. I won’t list all the inconsistency and plot holes the anime has for I’d be here even after my death.

I’m going to try to make you guys understand that while the SorMik fandom is not happy, there are more pressing issues with the anime than that.

For the sake of completeness, I’m going to refer to sever other people here and if you want to get the whole picture, I advise you to check them out yourself too.

What I’ll try to do here is answer this from my point of view, bringing up my emotions about certain facts and details while trying to justify my opinions about this matter. This post isn’t about trying to change your viewpoint and admitting something you might not agree with, it’s about trying to make everyone understand why most of the fandom is quite cross with the anime.

But for you to really understand my point I think I’ll start with how I even get into this fandom. If you don’t want to read that, skip to the first horizontal line.

Around in mid-September last year I saw on my multifandom dashboard a meta about Epilogue 2. I can’t really recall what it was about, all I remember is that there was a picture of Epileo the very minute he realises he’s been reunited with Sorey (you know, when he looks up, expression all soft, eyes twinkling with delight and smiling like he has never seen the sun?). I kind of stared at the picture for a solid 5 minutes (I’m a sucker for light haired characters, sorry) before I decided that it’s crucial for me to know this beauty and love him (yepp, I’m that typical “Came for Mikleo and stayed for SorMik” person). So, I searched for the source and found the video of Epilogue 2. I didn’t understand a single thing but the look of utter love in Mikleo’s eyes made me really care for him and for his whole story too (looks like the first thing I did in this fandom was to spoiler myself. Not that I regret it or anything XD).

So I dived head first into the fandom and eventually I came across the anime. Mind you, at that time I only know of the existence of the game, I didn’t even watch the walkthrough or anything.

After seeing the 0th episode I was a little bit surprised and lost. Because I didn’t understand a anything about that episode XD I was basically like “I thought this was about two boys? Who the fuck is that girl? What the hell was that little funny mascot thing? Why couldn’t she see that? What the hell have just happened? …. At least the animation was awesome.”

As someone who didn’t know a single thing about the Zestiria universe it was quite confusing. So I decided to drop this but it kept bothering me that I didn’t even see Mikleo and after a week or so I was like “well, let’s watch the next episode. If that isn’t better, then I’ll really drop this”.

And lo and behold, I saw the first episode and with the explanations and all the 0th episode clicked into place. I caught up with the anime when the 7th episode came out. I quickly became too interested in this and searched for the community on Tumblr, making my new page there.  

Around the 11th or 12th episode the fandom community on Tumblr convinced me to watch a walkthrough even play the game sometime, though I didn’t consider myself as a gamer girl but I was quite curious you know?

When the final episode of the first season came out I was somewhere around Tintagel Ruins in my YouTube walkthrough and we all know that that was the episode things started to go sour in the fandom.

On Christmas I got the game and by the time my new semester started in February I’ve finished the game, only the post-game dungeon, Hexen Isle was left.

Of course, after you’ve invested more than 80 hours (that was my first playthrough, I was slow I know) in a game you became quite familiar with the universe, its laws and the characters.

So after all this work to beat the game the anime’s second season got me really angry. And if I still have your attention, then please bear with me for a little while, because now I’m really answering the question.

The anime up until the first season’s final was quite decent and good. We got little alternations like when Sorey purifies human malevolence he has to live through it and all, and that made his job even more dangerous and exciting. I loved the concept personally as it’s not a thing in the game (although, game!Sorey’s job is at least 10000x harder than Anime!Sorey’s but oh well…).

The problems started with the final and here’s why (I can’t stress this enough, this is my opinion and my experience) while comparing the game and the anime:

In the game, the war in Glaveind Basin in a really important event. This is the first time you meet with Heldalf and he magnificently kicks your ass. He kicks your ass so bad Sorey temporarily loses his ability to perceive seraphim. He realises after this that he cannot win against Heldalf and that he needs to get stronger. (Mikleo is so shaken by the whole thing that in a skit Edna even teases him because he apparently cried when Sorey couldn’t see him.)

But in the anime Sorey wins. Which is kind of the breakpoint in the game. The sole reason of the second part of the game was because of Sorey’s first lost in battle. Those who love the game obviously weren’t fine with it.

Not to mention that there was a scene when Sorey nearly killed and succumbed to malevolence just because of Alisha. Which is kind of ridiculous. Let me explain why:

There is a quest in the game where you still have Alisha in the party as your squire and you have to fight with a …plant. After the fight, it becomes obvious to everyone that Alisha being Sorey’s squire is quite dangerous as Sorey is going blind on his right eye. Why, you ask? Because Alisha doesn’t have the necessary amount of resonance to perceive seraphim and Sorey’s power had to compensate that somehow. Hence why he went blind.

So when Sorey didn’t realise in time that the plant is still alive and was rapidly coming so Mikleo and Alisha jumped in front of him to save him (I’ll talk more about this later on…). Someone even said that both Alisha and Mikleo could have easily died. Sorey’s reaction was more of concern than absolute rage. Hell he didn’t become tainted even when he and Mikleo had to kill Gramps. And we all know Gramps is far more important to the two boys than Alisha. Alisha may be a good friend, but she’s not their family.

So all in all, Sorey becoming tainted under Mikleo’s watchful eyes is unexplainable. This skit here explains everything I think, starts at 24:00.

Oh and about Sorey’s dream becoming true in the anime… the seraphim was sitting in one corner, the humans in the other. No one talked to the other. That’s what you call your dream becoming a reality, Sorey? They were literally there because they had to. That’s not coexistence!

Now that we have mentioned Mikleo… he’s deuteragonist. In other words, the secondary main character. Why? Because Mikleo is always there. Mikleo is Sorey’s moral support, his pillar, his everything. Mikleo protects him as much as Sorey protects Mikleo. They know each other inside-out so knowing this, Mikleo being the deuteragonist won’t come as a surprise.

Mikleo is a special case, we all agree on that. He’s a little cold and sarcastic in the game but always happy and ready to argue about ruins with Sorey. Rose even mentions that Mikleo can only be really worried by Sorey, meaning he may act like he is angry about Edna’s teasing or Lailah’s terrible puns, but in the end, he only gets really worked up if Sorey is in danger. He never leaves his side in the game excluding their break-up scene when Sorey shouts at him and Mikleo feels like a liability to Sorey (he doesn’t even leave his side when Sorey is asleep for 3 days after he became the Shepherd. He stays in his room quietly reading, not even talking to Lailah about crucial things).

You can easily say that to Mikleo, Sorey is the top priority. He’d gladly die for him, sacrifice for him everything. Hell, even wait who knows how many centuries just to be with Sorey again. And as those who played the game or watched the walkthrough know, Mikleo takes upon himself to continue their shared dream while Sorey sleeps away the centuries purifying Maotelous. (Sorey’s One and Only, huh..)

So, when in the anime Mikleo is basically shoved back into the closet and treated like an object by Sorey to only be relied on is quite frustrating (why is that they had to intentionally or unintentionally include this Berseria element in the anime? Sorey would never ever treat anyone, especially not Mikleo, like an object).  

Soymilkheaven had a really good answer for Mikleo’s character problem, so go check it out if you want!

Now onto Rose… Rose the Pure Assassin. The person who teaches Sorey that there’s nothing wrong with killing if it saves the person. Game!Rose is confident, a true and very loyal friend who won’t hesitate to take Sorey’s burdens of the Shepherd and kill someone even if Sorey won’t agree with her. She protects Sorey in her own way while makes sure that Sorey won’t just see killing in a bad light. After all, not everybody can be saved.

And yeah, Rose may be a little bit childish in the game, but she lightens up the conversations and she’s funny.

Anime!Rose on the other hand… she is like a shell. She’s not confident, she doubts herself and her job (even though both Roses have similar backgrounds so I can’t wrap my head around why this Rose had to turn out the way she turned out…).

Plus as women-books-coffee said perfectly her lack of confidence results in Sorey not having that kind of character development.

Game!Rose helped Sorey understand the upside of killing so if Anime!Rose doubts her game counterpart’s very creed then how the hell is Anime!Sorey supposed to learn this life hack lesson? How will this Sorey understand that there’s no way that no one will die?

Answer: Quite simply, he won’t. Because why the hell should the protagonist struggle through hardships when he can just be ignorant and skip through the most of it?

That would be baaaaaaaad… now wouldn’t it? But that’s exactly what ufotable did.

Dezel, you’re the next!  Our beloved blind wind seraph. Yupp you read it right.

Blind.

Quite a surprise, isn’t it? Ufotable may or may not have left out this … quite crucial detail about him. Which is fucking ridiculous if you think about it. How can you forget that somebody is fucking blind, Ufotable?! (You guys remember in the anime when Dezel is on the top of a wagon in the fog and he says: “I can’t see shit”. Well, of course you can’t see shit Dezel. You’re fucking blind)

Oh, and the reason he’s blind? Symonne.

Yeah, that purple girl who somehow become a dragon in the anime (don’t let me get started on her too… but in short, for Symonne Heldalf was everything in the game. That’s why I’ll never accept that she became a dragon because she didn’t agree with Heldalf).

Whom he by the way died to bring back. And you could all say “But Sormikhell, Dezel isn’t blind in the anime! Then of course he’d want to help her!”

Well yeah, I see your point. But let’s not forget that Dezel is there because of Rose.

You see, Dezel and Rose are supposed to be a parallel example of Sorey and Mikleo as Dezel watched over Rose for quite some years. He died for her in the game, so he can save her. So it didn’t make any sense to me that he would just randomly die. For nothing, basically. Dezel in the anime doesn’t know Symonne, then why should he die for her? (And let’s not forget the fact that Anime!Sorey knew very well what Anime!Dezel was about to do. Which means we can say that Anime!Sorey let one of his comrades die. Game!Sorey tried frantically to find another solution but Game!Dezel was already dying by that time, so he asked Sorey to grant his final wish. Sorey would have never allowed this any other way. Another blow for Sorey’s character.)

Next one is… Edna! A delicate flower and a surprisingly thorny one. In the game, Edna is like a snarky older sister, looking out for everyone in her own sadistic way. She likes making fun of Meebo and is hellbent about learning how to cook decently. She wants to save Eizen, sure, but she doesn’t let it plague her mind 24/7. She is a lovely character with funny attachment to Normins. She lives her own life, she is really intelligent and has an excessive knowledge about any kind of plant or mineral.

And if you’re still reading this, then you already know what I’ll say next.

Anime!Edna can only sigh and be depressed. I can count in my two hands how many times I’ve seen her smile or laugh in the anime. She’s always like “Oh, Eizen… “even if she doesn’t voice these thoughts. You can practically feel her sadness through the screen. Which I understand as I have a brother too but every damn time she appears on screen (which isn’t that much) she either doesn’t care about what is happening or just moping around. A great loss in my opinion as I was really looking forward to her snarky comments being thrown left and right.

Our next character is… Lailah! The mother hen, the fire mum with terrible puns, you name it. She’s like a mother and an older sister at the same time. She’s diligent, a great friend and cares about everyone a lot. She has a very vivid personality, likes to randomly talk about something else and annoy everyone to hell with her horrible puns. Even though she can’t tell everything about what she knows to the party, she guides them carefully to the right answer. She wouldn’t “spoil” things to us in the game which made us more and more curious about her past.

Also she is there to make sure that everyone is safe, healthy and knows the consequences of certain… things.

In the anime, I started to mourn even Lailah when it turned out that she didn’t tell Sorey and effectively us, the audience that if the Shepherd dies so does his squires (which is a thing that does not exist in the game, FYI).

I think that was a pretty vital information, Lailah.

Her guidance failed spectacularly in the anime.

Oh, and about ruining Pendrago. What happened to not meddling with humans’ petty affairs and ruining entire cities without a care. No can tell me her giant fire ball didn’t make half of the wall disappear into nothing. But oh well, not that the people will complain or anything…

And the last seraph for today is… Zaveid! A real womanizer, the one friend who can turn any conservation into something dirty. Our absolute class clown who likes walking around half naked, sneaking around hot springs so he can get a peek of the women. A really great guy who has a tragic past and despite all of that smiles and makes pervert jokes all the time, but can give you some seriously good and mature advices when you need it the most. After all he’s not the type of guy to view everything as a win or lose situation.

At least they didn’t change him that much in the anime… although maybe they could have made him a little bit more carefree but given the circumstances he was introduced in the anime… but then again, Zaveid still cracked some jokes when you were about to face with Heldalf at the end of the game.

And finally, as for Alisha, I’m just going to say this: She didn’t need that armatization. At all. She proved in the game again and again and again that she is more than capable of handling things on her own while standing proud and tall next to Sorey, if theyhave to. Alisha is the last in the line and that’s exactly why she chose to be a knight. She is a strong, independent woman who can fight her own battles. Her dream was to make Hyland and Rolance live peacefully next to each other. Which of course had little to do with Sorey and his dream and duty. That’s why she was never meant to be the heroine.  

Anime!Alisha on the other hand… when I heard that her father is the king in the anime, I kid you not went back to my game and double checked whether that’s true or not because I was pretty sure that she was not the next in line. She was important enough in the game even though she was just the last… then why do this? Clearly this wasn’t necessary.

Ufotable must have really wanted to give Alisha more significance in Sorey’s story so bad somewhere along the line they forgot that this was supposed to be about Sorey and not about Alisha.  

TL;DR: Every character was robbed of their personality, Sorey’s dream holds no significance, who cares about seraphim?, let’s change anything and everything until we cannot say that this is about Zestiria, but let’s give Alisha more screen time because apparently she is our main protagonist.

And if you read the whole thing, then you’re a fucking champion! And if I maybe, maybe made you at least understand our point then I consider my job done.

And cookies for you if you got my references :*

[inamii]

tagged by @sttchingllies (ty for tagging me in these i love doing them ajdhjahsd)

ok so 30 facts abt me??

im 5′11″ which is too dang tall someone pls trade heights w me

i just found out batwoman is gay and holy shit??

penguins are my favorite animal theyre just so cute man

i have the worst memory on the entire planet tbh its so bad i ask people things 20 times and i feel so bad every time

i have such a weird span of music interests from edgy shit like pierce the veil to cutesy idolmaster songs lmao

speaking of music i love gacharic spin so much, no one knows who tf they are but they’re such a great band (also their drummer is p gay and they made  a song abt her only cute cinderella ;-;)

i also love perfume!! (the group lol) nocchi is my fave tho i love all three of them and i would pay so much money for them to perform at the 2020 olympics

i have been distracted so many times while writing this and i’m only on 8 pray for me i have 0 attention span

i love inami anju so much???

i honestly spend too much of my time invested in rhythm games but w/e

i am the ultimate master of not being able to express negative feelings to anyone and seeming happy 24/7 it is my only skill

im rlly results oriented which makes it super hard to keep at anything im not immediately good at

 i have no sense of balance whatsoever i literally tilt and wobble while just standing up

i have this rad ass almost foot long scar on my leg that looks cool n edgy but has a much less cool and edgy origin lol

i rlly rlly like to journal and write my thoughts down?? i try to journal as often as possible in my phone bc i love reading through them later on (i have a ton from freshman yr that are great to read after the fact)

bc i rlly like writing my thoughts down, i have a notebook that i keep in my backpack for when i want to remember smth that happened or am just thinking abt shit, or i just write stuff in the margins of notes (my tok binder alone is full of either snarky remarks to what someone said or just lots of being in awe at how smart my peers are)

i have a rlly intense longing to play dnd like....ive never played it before but it sounds so fuckin cool and i swear i will join a dnd group in college

my favorite characters are almost always ones with blue hair unless they’re like, an asshole

i dont watch a ton of live action tv but i rlly love izombie (even tho i havent seen s3) and i just started watching supergirl and travelers also looks p dang good

tbh tho i dont actually watch a lot of anime either, the only anime ive completed in like years is bnha

i like people watching, and i think like, little behaviors n quirks ppl have are rlly endearing and tbh i just like ppl and find them all rlly cute???

in that vein, i love peoples laughs they’re all adorable no matter what 

uuh shit im running out of things.... my favorite vocaloid is gumi

i love drawing so much but im such shit at it tbh

i used to do a lot of video editing and even had a vine acct for su edits where i made a lot of stuff im actually p proud of lol

i go through cycles of enjoying stuff, where i’ll be obsessed with smth for months and then suddenly not have the energy to engage in it, even though i still enjoy it and would like to continue engaging in it i just...cant

i am like....the biggest crybaby ever honestly

i’ve only had serious crushes on 2 ppl (n one of them was in 7th grade lmao)

i wish i was better at communicating n hanging out with both my irl and online friends im just such a nervous wreck so im terrible at it ://

i have a cat names silas and i love him even tho he’s sometimes an  asshole and sticks his butt in ur face

uuuh as for tagging, if you see this, i tag you!! also anyone i tagged in my last post ofc!