#or anything. god knows theres enough things wrong with me already . idk this is a pretty pathetic vent but whatever ill delete this when its | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

misqnon · 5 months

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yeah i definitely liked sanuso more than i liked sanji. before... before i came to like sanji. i don't think i was rly an Actual Fan though. seeing fan content of sanji (shipping content included) is part of what made me grow to like him. so ur right that a ship i like with characters i dont like would make me grow to like the characters!!

tashigi and reiju is so insanely good.. theyre perfect for each other...

LMAO ISNT THAT PRICE A BIT STEEP?? nami moment

robin definitely would notice but it would have so much more impact to have luffy intervene imo?? he is probably the most important person to both of them (arguably true for all the crew) and also he just . idk hes emotionally intelligent. hes perceptive. people dont give him enough credit. luffy is not stupid!!!!

"he and robin can be similar and enies lobby is what made everyone love her more…" YEAH EXACTLY!!! there doesnt need to be a whole arc but just show us that he isnt JUST the cool guy. i need him to cry .... i need emotional vulnerability.. please oda ..... on my knees begging for this. PLEASE Oda...

"already there babes 🫡 just doing my part" thank u

"DID. DID THEY ACTUALLY CALL HIM TRACE HEATFIST IN THE 4KIDS DUB…ARE U SERIOUS RN…IVE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE PLEASE SAY SIKE." YES THEY ACTUALLY DID. its a stupid change but HIS VOICE IS SO COOL... theres a scene where he and luffy meet on alabasta n luffy is like: hey, trace?! and trace is like "yours truly 😎😏🔥 hey luffy, whats up? 🔥🔥💪✨" and i fucking Fell In Love on first listen. i have the biggest . fattest crush on 4kids ace. why is he so suave. why is he so cool. pathetically showing my love for the worst dub's version of the best character

i was so relieved that luffy sounded different that i can forgive anything else. i don't care if the acting is worse...

AT A CHRISTIAN GALLERY???? ur so brave

"i will share embarrassing stories like my life depends on it"

(hoping i havent used this image before)

THE SPOTLIGHT ON SANJI.... THAT IS SO FUNNY...

"BUT IM TOO BUSY READING ONE PIECE" good point... reading both would be hard.. /gen

"lion…and wings…so u want to be a griffin 👁️" i did not realize this. but yes i GUESS I DO?? i like manticores and unicorns the most out of any fantasy creature but i could never be a manticore bc it means i keep my face.. and unicorn.... doesnt have cool paws... oh and i love dragons... i WOULD be a dragon but i would like to be like. fluffy.. i want to be fluffy..

"DIDN THE BEAT OUT ZORO IN THE POPULARITY POLLS ONE TIME" YEAH HE DID... i dont know maybe i just missed it?? there were a lot of ppl there... and my memory is kinda hazy.. i will be on the lookout for law next time i go to a con

"WRONG bangs my sanji gavel." I FORGOT U WERW THE SANJI MAGISTRATE..... please forgive me....

that is so cool 🥹

"also sanji’s love for mice/rats makes me fucking insane bc its the cutest thing on earth." I KNOW RIGJT... like hes a cook.. he should hate them... but he doesnt!!! hes super fond of them!!! because he had mice friends at the lowest point in his life!!!! GOD.. i also used to love mice so . thank u sanji. representing rodent lovers. im having too many moments lately where i relate to sanji.... former sanji hater becomes sanji

"SANJI LOVES MICE MORE THAN WOMEN CONFIRMED-" GENUINELY!!!

"they’re all expecting sanji to freak and kill them and then they walk in and he’s made them tiny stir fry and is calling them cutesy names." STOP THATS SUCH CUTE IMAGERY 😭😭😭 sanji would never hit a woman mouse.

"also all the fan content ive seen where ratatouille is his favorite movie. ANYONE CAN COOK!!!!! 😭" IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

"we turn a sad into a frrAAANKKYYYYYYYY" HSJDHS

"ROBIN WHYYY WAS THAT THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OFFFF SHE IS INSANE. SHE’S SO WEIRD." IN HER DEFENSE, THEY WERE RIGHT THERE. HOW COULD SHE NOT... HOW COULD SHE NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ....

"should i send some on discord as well. is that how i break the ice. images of sanji with his ass up in the air (my collection)" YES..... YES DO IT.... in return i will sned... uhmm... law!??

ok but sanji in glasses. even at the peak of my sanji hatred i begrudgingly admit that he was very attractive in those glasses...

LOOK AT HIM SOB... whole cake island was kinda his enies lobby emotional depth moment???

heres this loser

EAT

i have this sanji saved bc he looks so pathetic and sad

omg nooo how did choso get in here ...... noooo ...... that was a big accident.... completely an accident.... not on purpose at alll........

usopp out here converting more ppl to sanji likers than i am…smh. i do love the way sanji backs him up so often in canon tho, its very sweet

KNJKCDNA WAIT THE $5,000 A MONTH THING? I MEAN YES. BUT DO YOU KNOW THE YE OLDE TUMBLR JOKE IM REFERENCING? DO U REMEMBER COMMUNISMKILLS…THAT AWFUL TUMBLR USER THAT THEN WAS LIKE “i’ll shut up if u pay me $5000 a month” actually deranged and iconic. here’s a post about it

the entire crew IS important to both of them but arguably he is the only person on the crew they would listen to in a situation like that is luffy yea. he’s the mutual friend that they both love deeply and loves both of them deeply even tho they hate (“hate”) each other. AND he’s emotionally intelligent and wise!! yea!!

joining u in the begging for sad zoro. campaigning for abusing zoro in the next chapters. ready to make this meme real

NOT TRACE HEATFIST…his voice did seem cool tho ur right. i like to imagine he speaks with the emojis like you typed them. (“how are you saying that out loud-”) is the crush only on 4kids ace specifically..sorry sorry TRACE. IS IT ONLY FOR TRACE

I WANT TO STEAL ALL THESE REACTION IMAGES HAHAHA

WAIT IS IT A SPOTLIGHT. I THOUGHT THEY HAD TRAPPED HIM UNDER A CUP LIKE A BUG KJAFHBdiwjnwd

dragons. [breathes in] dude i love dragons so fucking much. i watched that documentary animal planet or discovery made where they said dragons lived in the prehistoric time with t rex and shit and BELIEVED IT FOR SO LONG. also obsessively played httyd games on the internet and other Dragon Themed Things. and i had legend of spyro: a new beginning for the gamecube and it was like my first ever video game i owned myself that wasnt a hand me down and i beat it literally 9+ times…after 9 i stopped keeping track..i loved spyro and CYNDER so much. CYNDER WAS SO COOL. THAT WHOLE GAME WAS SO COOL. just last year i started playing flight rising (but i fell off lmao)

“former sanji hater becomes sanji” KJSDBDNKJSN YEAH relating to sanji is half of why i love him. and the amount i relate to him is. way far more than i thought i would ever relate to. the pervert stereotype anime character of any given show. so mad…but also i love him a lot 😭 has become a bit of a comfort character for me UNFORTUNATELY…but i relate to his passion and his low self esteem and his self sacrificial nature and his (percieved) gender issues and even his stupid easy-to-fall-in-love shtick. god. anyways

MICE > WOMEN ‼️‼️‼️CONFIRMED

I WANT TO PUT THE SANJI FEEDING MICE AND THE CREW IS CONFUSED SCENE IN A FIC SO BAD BUT I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK ATM 😭

“sanji would never hit a woman mouse.” sanji vs. minnie mouse his hardest battle yet

ROBIN….ROBIN 😭 I WILL CONDONE ALL HER ACTIONS BC I LOVE HER BUT SHES SO STRANGE 😭

SANJI ASS IN THE AIR COMING UR WAY

dude. thank you for saying that bc. when sanji had those fucking glasses on as mr. prince in alabasta. i was simping just a little bit. and mad about it.

AND ALSO UM??? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS?? STOP BEING PRETTY???

this outfit was gay as hell by the way. like how am i supposed to believe that is a fuly straight man-

“whole cake island was kinda his enies lobby emotional depth moment???” it 1000% was down to him leaving the crew and needing to be rescued and learn to love himself and live for himself. robin and sanji are my two favorite strawhats and GOD THE SIMILARITIES ARE BRUISING. have u seen that post where its drawings of each of the strawhat “rescue teams” of arlong park, enies lobby, and whole cake?

law 1: edgy. flipping u off. deranged. a bit evil looking. kinda hot

law 2: naptime. flourishing. in his lane. never done wrong in his life. thats just a guy

“EAT” KJDBVSDAJBCJDA

NOOO THAT SANJI IMAGE GENUINELY MAKES ME SO SAD BUT HE ALSO LOOKS SO SO PATHETIC 😭 SOPPING WET CAT OF A MAN

HI CHOSO. IDK U BUT I LIKE UR HAIR. HI

here are a couple more one piece memes i have collected. i will be sending u a discord message...soon

#asks #replies #IF I DONT REPLY/REPLY SLOW AFTER SENDING U THE DISCORD MESSAGE. ITS BC I WORK A LOT THE NEXT SEVERAL DAYS 🥲#march anon #long post

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misc-merde · 6 years

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boy does it ever just hit you how fucked up you are in ways that you probably will be for the rest of your life and that this isnt what it is for everyone that some people are actually emotionally stable and all that jazz but your life has been shit not in any big dramatic way thats obviously traumatizing but there have been so many little things that just chipped away at you all through your childhood and have left you more broken than you feel like they should have

bc thats a fun thing to just hit you

#like. i know. i know im a Mess. but i dont always like to admit to myself that im fucked up not for no reason. and i dont like to admit the #reason. but sometimes my brain just kinda throws it at me. and on the one hand its like 'ooh ok this all makes so much more sense then' but #on the other its like 'well shit. now i have to deal with..that.' which i have no idea how to even begin to do so i just kinda tend to #ignore and avoid it i guess. but i cant really do that in the moments when it hits me out of the blue #or well. i guess its not really out of the blue. theres usually lead up to it. and there def was this time. including that god damn dream #that i cant get out of my head. fuck. getting to sleeps gonna be fun now that thats back in my mind.. but yeah. idk. i just. i /know/ things #have fucked me up. i /know/ things havent been the best. that my parents really didnt do a great job with me. and i /know/ that people can #be.. can do not great without meaning to and that doesnt make it not... that doesnt mean they did nothing wrong and that any hurt from that #is made up. its still real. i know that i can feel like this and have that be an accurate interpretation of everything even if they didnt #mean to be... i /know/ all that. but i can have a hard time believing it in the context of myself. like. if this were anyone else i would #say 'yeah that sounds like... that' but since its /me/ i cant theres a mental break there and i cant even say the thing ive been talking #around this whole time the thing ive been using all the ellipses about i cant even type it thats how big that block is because. i dont know.#its still here. its still a thing that i have to deal with. it would probably be easier to name if i were out of the house for good and #totally set up on my own but im not and i dont super feel like i ever will be i feel trapped here and thats probably part of it too but im #still here and its still gonna be a thing i have to face for a long time and im gonna keep getting sucked back into it for as long as im #still where i am and i cant do much about it until then so im hesitant to even let myself call it what it is bc when i think about that now #i just cycle through a whole 'its your fault you never did anything about it' even though how the fuck is a kid already in that place #supposed to say anything and i. feel guilty for calling it that too i guess. bc i know they didnt mean to but like. i also know that guilt #is part of it. they guilt trip me enough for me to recognize that so just. i dont know. i can think about things being not great but i cant #think about it as... that yet. but like. i /know/ and sometimes it just hits me and thats. fun. real fucking fun.#sorry that got long. and personal. just. sorry.

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moondoposting · 2 years

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We know Marc developed DID when he was around 8 (I believe that's how old he is in the flashbacks as a child). But I do really want to know when he was officially diagnosed. Like did Elias take him to see a psychologist as a child like in the comics where he was diagnosed or did he find out later? I really want to know how long he's known he has DID

ok disclaimer from post-writing me. i kind of typed a lot more than i thought i would. it is very stream of consciousness oh my god. also i do not have DID so any information comes from my own personal research and is not reflective of every experience. i will HAPPILY be corrected if anything ive said is harmful/incorrect. also if any of my timeline stuff is wrong!

oh my god when i say i was literally just having this exact thought anon PLEASE get out of my head

because ok

like you said, comics, we already know. but mcu, we dont get aaaaany indicators of when he found out iirc i think partially as a result of marvel's refusal to name it in the show but w/e

and its really setting me on an interesting path of thinking about marc going through most of his life like we see steven in episode 1. just kind of living his life, but with occasional blackouts that leave him somewhere he doesn't recognise having done something he doesn't remember. maybe even rationalising it to himself as a sleeping disorder like steven does.

like, the closest i could think of him finding out would be around 10 probs, if his dad takes him to a psychologist like in the comics (which side note, was so fucking well integrated and didnt feel stupid or forced literally marvel you could have just done this) or latest? honestly after his mom's death? like that event perpetuates a lot of things. and maybe the fact that he finds himself blacking out more and more prompts him to seek a diagnosis (even if he wasnt looking for a did diagnosis specifically).

mmm but then who was steven calling. i always assumed marc set up a number to call.

but then theres also khonshu saying his mind is broken or w/e and marc doesnt give an indication of either "wtf how did you know" or "wtf what are you talking about". and then theres marc saying he made the deal to "save us". but that might have been an after the fact realisation.

HONESTLY MAYBE HE ONLY FINDS OUT CAUSE KHONSHU IS MESSING AROUND IN THERE. khonshu finds this funny british guy bouncing around in his head and hes like "omg marc check this out" and marc has a whole existential crisis about it. so when khonshu finds ANOTHER guy in there hes like "yk im just gonna. keep quiet about this one" and silently feeds him snacks on the side.

cause he also doesnt mention getting booted from the army for a botched psych eval iirc!!! cant lie in an evaluation if you dont know what you have. maybe getting kicked out for the dissociative fugue state incident is what motivates him to get a diagnosis. maybe its mandated after the event. idk enough about military protocol to speak on that.

all is to say marc is definitely aware To Some Degree of what is going on with him, he just probably doesnt have a name for it. which is like. fine. diagnosis is helpful but its not the be all and end all of experience.

i think in any of these scenarios, at least when he was younger it was a lot easier to understand as an "imaginary friends" situation and maybe that faded as he grew up maybe it didnt IDK.

ok so tldr

situations where he would have gotten some kind of diagnosis that would be the most interest story-wise IMO

young, around 8-10 - follows the comics completely, has him spend most of his early life some degree of institutionalised (would explain his mental association with mental hospitals)

post military discharge - pretty big point in his backstory, would work to really solidify the shame he feels around his mental illness (being very public and on record and all that) and would make sense as there would probably be some kind of investigation into the incident that would lead to a diagnosis

post-steven's reappearance - would be the culmination of a Lot of things happening in his life to the point that even stubborn marc spector can't cope and seeks out help. would explain why layla didnt know as i personally believe he cuts contact with her after his mom's shiva. does bring into question a lot of the more solid aspects of steven's life tho, like the phone calls.

crack versions that make me laugh

khonshu just drops the bomb on marc one day and it fucks him up so severely that he never brings it up again

#i wasnt kidding when i said you sent this Exactly as i was having these thoughts #this is literally what all of my writing docs look like #im literally just gonna copy paste all of this into my draft doc lol #asks #marc spector #moon knight #NOT PROOF READ SORRY

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insertdisc5 · 3 years

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Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

#ask tag #deltarune #deltarune spoilers #snowgrave spoilers

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toxooz · 3 years

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not fictional dumbasses related but i got covid AGAIN from my absolute shitass coworker since nov2020 so for the sake of record and idk education ig im gunna try?? to describe what everything tastes like to me now ever since like a year bc god only knows what the fuck is gunna happen to my taste and smell AGAIN within the next few days!!! :))))

- all fast food tastes like the same dull “grease” flavor is the only way to describe it, fries,chicken nuggets, burgers, pizza everything

-coffee( or any java flavor), cigarettes, any kind of wheat cereal, and weed all smell the same which is basically like old smoke

-most if not all candy tastes like straight up bar soap or like i just sprayed perfume in my mouth

-chocolate tastes the same!! somewhat. the fancy expensive chocolate does, m&ms or snickers or anything like that has a faint “meat taste” which is the flavor that meat tastes like to me now

-meat overall has a very strange sour kind of taste i cant put my finger on it ,ive heard others with long covid say it tastes rotten which i somewhat agree, ham is like the most sour tasting, chicken can be ok?? if i get it raw and cook it but like tv dinners or something forget it, turkey just tastes like it’s been sitting out for days as if its old and dusty idk, i think beef is the most tolerable of them

-all fruit just has a vague “fruit” taste and smell which doesnt quite taste like fruit at all, same with vegetables, asparagus and potatoes were the most identifiable so far

-pretty much most variously good smelling things just got reduced to a vague unidentifiable “good” smell which, again, doesn’t really smell that good like candles, air fresheners, shampoo conditioner, ect.

- with soda the flavors just kinda vanished and all thats left if the “base flavor” like all mountain dew tastes the same (except code red??? i think a lot of cherry flavored sodas pulled thru blessim)

-some things are just completely rearranged like fireball whiskey smells and tastes e x a c t l y like old spice deodorant, skunk smells like that “meat” smell but rlly gross and strong, mandarin oranges smell like formaldehyde which is the chemical used to preserve organisms for dissection, i know when i went over my friends house at some point and a rat died in his walls it literally smelled like soup to me???, golden puff cereal literally tastes like sour meat with some sugar on it

- onions and garlic both have a particular smell and taste that i cannot stand now, it’s like onion But Somethings Wrong idk how to describe it but if i again make garlic from scratch it somewhat tastes fine

-i had to fight tooth and nail to enjoy eggs again but it still has this smell and taste to it that i have to consciously remind myself that yes this is an egg we like eggs remember eggs tastey

and on very rare blessed occasions some things smell and taste the same but overall i Was getting more accustomed to everything or kind of being about to taste the original taste if i think about it hard enough which thats another thing that sucks absolute ass is remembering what something used to taste like but you just cant taste it anymore?? as if theres a part of my brain that locked me out of that i used to be able to get to or going into autopilot and getting something i like only surprise!! this tastes disgusting now and u just wasted money :) so yeah im predicting my smell and taste will vanish again within the next few days and come back a whole new confusing horror that i have to figure out how to live with and as for the lung problem and brain fog as of rn i feel like theres like a thin layer of Something covering my trachea?? it might go away idk from the last rodeo my lungs and Functioning Brain kinda already suck now so idk what the hell else is gunna happen to them now

#covid #not to be negative nancy but ive been keeping this shit to myself for a whole ass year and now all my progress is ruined porbably #this isnt a 'waa feel bad for me guis' i just GOTTA get this out of my system already especially since it could change in the next few day #dont even get me started on the Discount Eating Disorder i developed for like 4 months bc literally #any joy from eating was just replaced with anxiety and disappointment so like what the hell is the point of eating #i got out of it and am or was coping p well but neverfuckingmind #time to do this shit all over again #as for my coworker #despite me not rlly having the time of day to Really Hate anyone anymore i can 100% confidently say i fucking hate her #she is literally the reincarnation of the last bitch at my old job that i lost my shit at and quit over only she coughs like a fucking idio #Literally having to do this shit all over again bc her fucking shit talking ass coughs like a child when shes well in her 40s #that godforsaken mouth needs to be taken from her it quite literally brings nothing but pain and suffering #mMMMMMM anyway refraining from turning into a nutjob in tumblr tags but yeah #in conclusion bestie: It's On Sight!!!#long post #should post drawins in shit within the next few days

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probably-haven · 3 years

Note

Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should.

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can. Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it.

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows.

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over-

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings. I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is.

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other- Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action.

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways.

-Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though.

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips.

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself.

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt. - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing.

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth. - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced.

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that.

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead.

#genshin impact #genshin xiao #genshin venti #xiao #venti #xiaoven #genshin analysis #genshin headcanons #xiaoven headcanons #xiaoven analysis #this is a mess i really shouldnt be putting all these tags but oh well #oh wow the grammar and spelling here is truly repulsive #sorry to all my english teachers i have failed you all

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uwurakax · 4 years

Text

boy, i need you ♡

pairing: akaashi x reader ♡

genre: angst // cheating // minimal swearing // suggestive (not explicit) ♡

summary: he knew it was wrong, every fibre of his being told him it needed to end with you. so why couldn’t he bring himself to do it? ♡

♡ sequel to ‘boy, i hate you’ - read the first part here ♡

word count: 2k ♡

author’s note: warning, not proofread or anything! wasn’t planning on part 2, but then it was brought up and i thought “hey i can work w a 2nd pt”. reader has no gender mentioned - but again ig default fem if theres vibes here? idk. also have a note at the end so there’s no spoilers here haha. excuse the crappy writing as always - my 2am brain refuses to work at any other time ty for coming to my tedtalk that no one cares about ✌️ ♡

♡ (inspired by f.u by little mix) ♡

unfaithful

/ʌnˈfeɪθfʊl,ʌnˈfeɪθf(ə)l/

adjective

1. engaging in intimate relations with a person other than one’s regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Akaashi couldn’t say exactly why his infidelity started. Honestly there was nothing inherently wrong with your relationship. You were amazing, loyal, kind and everything he could ever want in a partner. He supposed at one point he was like that to you. Not anymore though. He could never be like that ever again. Not when he found comfort in the arms of another. Another that wasn’t you.

Akaashi knew it was wrong. Wholeheartedly he wanted to free you of the unforgivable. Did he take advantage of your sweet behaviour? Deep down inside, he knew he was. The cheap thrill of loving somebody else while you waited patiently for him back at home. Back at the home the both of you had made together. The home that he had inadvertently tainted with the presence of another.

This is the last time.

How many times would he tell himself that? That the momentary pleasure he got from her was just that. That he’d stop before it went too far.

Over a year later was already beyond what was classified as ‘too far’.

He couldn’t kid himself into thinking it was just a brief lapse in judgement anymore. Not when he didn’t stop. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to you in the slightest. How could he do that? To the one he promised to love. The one to always be there for you, care for you. To do everything a good boyfriend should do.

To never, ever be the reason for your tears.

He knew he didn’t have the right to feel this way. It was selfish. Completely and utterly selfish. But when he’d come home and find you there waiting for him, while he was whispering sweet nothings, words that should’ve only been reserved for you, to somebody else just minutes prior, he couldn’t help but feel his heart ache. Akaashi, ever so observant, noticed that you stopped faking your smile. He remembers the first time he saw it.

5 months after his unfaithfulness began, something he swore that’d happen just once, he saw the look on your face. The warm smile you had greeted him with just earlier that morning before he left, was now gone. This smile wasn’t as bright, and the shine didn’t reach your eyes. He didn’t like this smile. It was beautiful of course, because it was from you, but he didn’t like how fake it was. You had given him some half-assed excuse.

“I’m just a little tired Keiji”

He knew you too well. Knew you were lying to him, but he couldn’t bring himself to press on further. Day after day, your smile continued to drop. Further and further, until it was some terrible imitation of the one he had fallen in love with years ago. No matter how much you tried to hide it, he would always notice the slight redness in the whites of your eyes. Dark and puffy under-eyes that you tried desperately to conceal. The tone of your voice, no longer lively and cheerful. He supposed after a year, you just didn’t want to pretend to be okay anymore.

This will be the last time.

He’d break it off with you. His silent promises to spare you from anymore pain. The guilt ate away at him, feeling the nausea rise in his stomach. You deserved someone better than him, someone who would treat you the way you should be treated. He used to be that guy. Where did that man go? What happened to him? He supposed he didn’t have the right to be that person anymore.

He was always so tense thinking on what to say to you. On how to finally admit his wrongdoings. Whether you knew of his actions behind your back, finally voicing them out would be the nail in the coffin. The confirmation that he was indeed doing the things that you were suspecting him of. Perhaps thats why you could never ask or actually push forward with it.

Because even if you knew, with great certainty, you could deceive yourself into thinking he was still the boy you had fallen in love with all those years ago.

Akaashi only received a fleeting moment of peace from his thoughts of you when she was around. He absolutely despised it. It was despicable how he could find a sense of safety in her arms. It should’ve been you, only you. It was wrong. Completely and utterly wrong, and yet he couldn’t help but think it felt right. It was wicked and evil, there was no other way to put it. Her hands. Her kisses. Her touch. All the moments with her made him forget about you, if only for a brief period. The gentle feel and traces of her were like invisible tattoos, covering all the places you had marked, kissed and touched.

It was all just too intoxicating for him. From her silky smooth hair to the softness of her skin. However, when he ran his fingers all over her body, he couldn’t help but think of you. God he was pathetic. So, so badly he knew it was wrong. He already had you, had your love, had everything you had to give. So why would he run for comfort to her, only to end up wishing it was you instead? It didn’t make sense, and he couldn’t understand it at all.

“Keiji, why don’t you stay the night?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry”

“It can’t keep going on like this. You guys should break up. Then you wouldn’t have to keep going back there, and then you can finally stay here with me. Isn’t that what you want?”

No, it wasn’t. It was probably the reason why he’d never stay over with her. Because he always wanted to come home to you. If he didn’t want to stay with her, if he didn’t sleep in the same bed with her, if he didn’t want to hold her hand - everything he wanted to do with you - why did he still do it? Why! Why! Why! It constantly plagued his mind. He was just selfish.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

And so, Akaashi sat in his car, with his grip on the steering wheel, thinking of the words to say. He knew he needed to be delicate, but firm. To the point, but not blunt. ‘This will be the last time’, he says to himself. The last time he thinks of the words to say. The last time he sits in his car contemplating about everything. The last time he has to hurt you. He’ll let you go, let you cry, even let you throw any object in reach to let out your frustrations on him. Just as long as he didn’t have to hurt you anymore. With a shaky breath, he unlocks the car door and steadies himself. He makes his way to house you both shared, hand on the handle as he closes his eyes. It’s time to face the music.

He quietly opens and closes the door behind him, setting his belongings on the dark oak table sat next to the door. He hears you in the kitchen, your feet padding around on the tiled floor. He makes his way there and freezes. You’re slaving away in a large t-shirt and shorts just a bit too big for you. They’re his without a doubt. You hear his shoes clicking against the floor and turn around to face him.

“Welcome home Keiji”

He hated that the gleam in your eyes was gone, and that your lips had to form a smile way too forced. He hated what he had done to you.

“I’m making your favourite, it should be ready in about 10 minutes”

With that, Akaashi loses all composure. He steps forward, his long legs carrying himself towards the stove top, situating himself behind you. He reaches around to turn it off, and moves the pot to the next hotplate. You turn around to question him, only to end up surprised at how close he was. You’re flustered, and he can easily tell how nervous you are at the way your eyes dart at anywhere else but him.

The temperatures rising in your body, and you swear that Akaashi can feel it steaming out of you. He closes the distance quickly, and soon enough your tongues are fighting for dominance against each other. He was in such bliss, it was like your lips were moulded to be with his. In moments like this he could forget. When your touch covered the traces of her. When your taste overwhelmed hers. He wanted you imprinted on him again. But he knew, knew that soon enough, he’d wash it away with his mistress. A continuous cycle of you and her. Disgustingly selfish.

This will be the last time.

The last time he takes your hand. The last time he has the pleasure of kissing you. The last time he undresses you. He takes his time, drinking in your form under the moonlight. Not even the darkness could overshadow your light. He knows you do the same, your eyes focused on him now. You push him forward so he falls back on the plush mattress. Why would he ever think about anyone else? He knew this had to be the last. The last time he’d let his eyes fall over you. He needed to save these moments in his head so he’d never forget.

The last luxury he’d have of you.

So he’d soak it all in, ingrain it forever. He needed to remember it vividly so he could look back. Look back at the idiot he was for ever hurting you in this way. He didn’t deserve you in the slightest. He thought that if he could capture every last detail, it could be the least of his karma. To miss what he took for granted.

How many times had he thought that himself?

And at the end of it all, he’ll just lay there. In the bittersweet afterglow of the love you two had shared. He’ll close his eyes and prepare himself to lose it all. Lose you. You think he’s asleep as he’s so still and his breathing so even. You’ll comb your fingers through his hair, just like you always do, and mumble quietly about your devotion to him.

“I love you, so much Keiji”

You pray he doesn’t hear you, but he does. As clear as day, you whisper confessions of love and admiration for him. He knows he doesn’t deserve it. Not in the slightest, not at all.

But the gentle kiss you place on his lips has him reeling, and his resolve cracks. He can’t do it, because he’s just that selfish. He knows that in the end, it won’t be the last time. He’ll go through it all again. The guilt will eat him alive. The feel of bile on the tip of his tongue no longer phasing him - he’s gotten used to the taste. He’ll break your trust, again and again, and then carelessly attempt to put the pieces back together, just to shatter them more. It’s cruel, he knows this. He wishes you’d just insult him. Cuss him out. Do anything, but show him love over and over. He loves you, he truly does, and he knows how horrific it is to do this to somebody you claim to love. He just wants you to hurt him, tell him what a disgusting asshole he is, how he’s a piece of shit, a waste of space. Any and everything you can think of.

But you don’t.

And while you continue to show him affection, he’ll drown in the abyss of despair that he, himself put him in. Because during these moments he could pretend that you actually loved him. That you didn’t know of his cheating ways. That he wasn’t touching you with the same hands that held someone else.

So tomorrow it’ll all start over, and the cycle will continue. He’ll keep on breaking your heart, and you’ll both pretend to be okay with it. No matter how many times he told himself it would be the last.

He hoped that one day he wouldn’t be such a coward. That he would finally cut the strings that tied you both together and just end it. Akaashi knew it was wrong, but he was just that selfish and hypocritical.

extra: IM SORRY! i know this probably wasn’t the part 2 that was wanted but 🤟😭 i couldn’t help myself! pls give any akaashi merch hugs and kithes 🥺🥺 my friend told me this mad him mad at him (i was going for sad, so im sorry if you get angry 😭) 💕✨ tysm if you read it 💝

#haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #akaashi angst #akaashi x reader #akaashi x you #haikyuu angst #hq angst

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sanchoyo · 3 years

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so I decided to watch danny phantom. I got 3 episodes in and I have Thoughts. im not going to liveblog it necessarily, but just, maybe post my thoughts every 3-5 episodes? because, I have thoughts. (which im sure are not NEW thoughts for dp fans, but, you know. new for me) Anyway. ep 1-3 Thoughts.

- the parents Suck. I love Jazz.

-dannys little 'actually i wanna be an astronaut :)' BABY. im adopting him and his sister. these parents suck so far lol jazz shouldnt have to deal with this and being the most responsible person in the house at age 16. HATE the 'absentminded idiot parents' trope SO much actually. it just makes me mad and makes me want to adopt these kids.

-sam...is so much like me at age 15. at least when I was having a vegan phase. not saying veganism isnt a legit thing or w/e but. my god. shes so Not Like Other Girls. lmfao. if she wanted to go to the dance, she shouldve just SAID so directly!! and I hated her just going up and being catty to Paulina for No Reason Other Than Jealousy UNPROVOKED!!! Like, if anything, the BOYS are the shallow ones, approaching Paulina based on nothing but her looks instead of getting to know her?? it would not have been shallow of her at all to turn them down, she has every right to.

-tbh the way the girls are written makes me cringe. they Deserve Better I think. anyway tbh if a girl came up to me being that rude,, im not saying paulina was RIGHT to lead danny on, but like. I can't be super mad at her for it...sam was bein. hm. rude. and in paulinas little teenager brain thought that was the fastest way to get back at her I guess, by taking the guy she may or may not be crushing on?? I just hate unnecessary rivalry between girls in shows. anyway. glad she did attempt to apologize near the end anyway. I do get that a lot of kids shows have the protags being shitty to teach a moral lesson later and show them apologizing. it still rubbed me the wrong way.

-Was also rolling my eyes at Sam's 'the gorilla needs to be FREE!!' like girl realistically if theres two left,, itll be a huge poaching target, its better to keep it with professionals so it can lead a long, healthy enriched life, and so we can have a lot of footage to teach future generations about so we at least have the memory/history preserved as well as possible! zoos and nature preserves and such can be good. focus on, idk, taking down sea world or smth. (also, the fact it turned out to be a girl gorilla,, and no one noticed until Danny got An Eyeful...of course it would have to be. you cant just tell kids watching this show that theres two male gorillas and theyll DIE FOREVER AND GO EXTINCT AFTER THAT. I GUESS??? but showing danny possessing people is fine. gotcha)

-I liked skulkers design A Lot. it (funnily enough with the episode involving an actual gorilla-) reminded me of the way the gorillaz band got drawn early on. I think its the eyes.

-the voice actor for the box ghost sounded SO familiar. so I went to his IMBD originally thinking he HAD to be a voice actor on ed edd n eddy. THIS GUY HAS VOICE ACTED IN EVERY CARTOON I GREW UP WITH. SO MANY CARTOONS AND ANIMATED MOVIES. funnily enough he was in ed edd n eddy like i thought but in a very very minor role of one of the parents?? I think I just assumed he had to have voiced something I used to watch a lot of. actually, hes voice acted everything, ever. and has been since the 80s, and still does today. Crazy. https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0667326/ LOOK AT THIS MAN'S TALENT.

-box ghost has the right idea tho. I wanna haunt a fed ex truck and get that rush of Open Packages Serotonin for my whole afterlife. king shit. (I also just love very silly villains and this show is checking boxes for me. love the monster of the week format stuff)

-did valerie actually cancel on tucker,, or did the boys just lie to take sam to the dance. that seems so unfair to val but we never SAW unless I was looking away. valerie u deserve a date sweetie i am SO sorry. if u already made a commitment to valerie I think sam can take HERSELF TBH. she wanted to be passive aggressive about the dance, it couldve been a lesson in 'just say what you want and dont expect your friends to be mindreaders' lol

-'boys hugging makes every year book funny' TOP 10 SAM HOMOPHOBIC MOMENTS?? let them cuddle while they nap girl wtf. I KNOOOW I know this is how a lot of cartoons were written in the early 2000s but I hate it.

-tucker being freaked out by the cute ghost girl wanting to dance with him at the dance?? no sir. you WANTED A GIRL TO WANT TO DANCE WITH YOU!! and your best friend is half ghost!! tucker top ten ghostphobic moments!!! (also, her having a dragon amulet is a BONUS. coward)

-danny can just. possess people. ALRIGHT! casually terrifying. love that.

#tldr: jazz is best girl so far #and im the kids new dad!#sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #long post #dp thoughts

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tylerwritez · 3 years

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jan 23

The fire in my heart feels like its fading. I'm just sad. At this point, I'm just sad. Maybe even hopeless. Maybe even defeated. Maybe I dont feel anything at all anymore. There's nothing left here for me. I can't do anything. I'm a living sin. I should fucking die. Like. The world is fucking hell show, nobody takes me seriously or believes a word I say, nobody really cares about me and everyone thinks I'm crazy. The world hates Christ and is full of people I can never connect to. I love Christ yet will spend my entire life in mortal sin. just dont understand why things have to be so painful. The world literally doesnt feel the same way it used to and it never fucking will. Ever again. Once you see the things that are wrong you can't unsee them. Once you feel a wall come up between you and others It dont come down. Its very damaging yknow, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, to live this life, in such total conflict and confusion. To see the sin and hate the sin but also to BE the sin, to be unable to even imagine life without the sin. Satan has overtaken me and I'm sorry Hes right. My parents wont forgive me cos I didnt smoke for 3 months. Theyll forgive me when i show them I'm better than this. Christ wont allow me into the Kingdom of Heaven until i abandon ALL SIN.... this is the most painful part. But how can I even claim a love for Christ If I deny the biological reality He prepared for me, mutilate my body and attempt to bend Gods will and become something new??? If I deny His creation???Yknow I have hit puberty. I was 10. Now that I think about it, literally every change happened for the sole purpose of getting married to a man and having children. Having children. God wants me to have CHILDREN!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! God wants me to have children and to render myself infertile would be sinful. Thing is, there is so much pain within me about this. I cant even fathom using my old name or not compressing my chest and ribs to the point that it could possibly be fucking with my breathing. I cant

Even imagine any of the steps of a detransition without feeling vile and sick and panicking and going absolutely fucking apeshit and I know its because this is a sickness and I'm really fucking sick and honestly I'm so tired of being ILL when do i get to be healthy and well??? Like I was really fucking young when this started and I wonder if I'm just a bad fucking person and that's why I keep doing bad things. but I dont want to be a bad person.Maybe if I'd finished the Advil Job things would be better now. maybe God would take mercy on me. But now that I know better than to sin, and I continue to sin,... He proabably wont go soft on me if i try The Job again.Maybe I can repent for like a week, and then I'll be clean enough to finish it off no worries? I know suicide is sinful but if i do everything else right... Or does this count as "jewing my way out of things"? I mean maybe I should stop looking for the easy way out. "Never abandon the principle of struggle" right ian?? Right??? Never abandon the principle of struggle until its "too hard uwu". Jeez. I really hate you. But also, why couldnt I have just been BORN male??? I always wanted to be. I feel like I'm pretty masculine in spirit, in mind... idk. I couldve made for such a good man. Why'd it have to be this way? Was it really fucking necessary?? theres a million other women why make me one of them knowing I'll hate it and hate myself and become an abomination trying to escape it?I wish I could ask God why to his face and just have honest conversation but that's not really how this works. Prayer is time with God, but like to speak with Jesus, like, over a coffee or something. I want to fix this. I just barely even undertsand it in the first place so how Can I fix it? ..... no, let's start somewhere new. How can I understand it? how can I accept it? how can I learn to like myself the way I already am? how can I find Christ, all over again? how can I be who I already am?

Fuck it. it hurts a lot and Obviously its going to be very painful, but I'm going to try. at least I'll try.

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watchyourbluesturngolden · 3 years

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songs that make me think of vampy and why

this is for drea and leyla ONLY thank u

daylight- taylor swift "i don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, i don't wanna think of anything else now that i thought of you" bc vampy loves her so much he only wants her 😔 midnight love- girl in red "I know I'm the last one you try to call but I always give in to give you it all" "your silver is my gold" bc miss chiropractor treated him terribly but he loved her with everything and would have gone back to her no matter what watch you sleep- girl in red this one is obvious: bc vampy watches bloodbag sleep :) also "the scar on your spine, you fell off a roof when you were nine" is all appreciating the tiny details about someone and that is definitely something vampy would do :( paper rings: taylor swift "i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this" line without a hook- ricky montgomery "oh baby i am a wreck when i'm without you" bc vampy loves bloodbag so much he just wants to be with her always 😔 dead girl in the pool- girl in red this one is kinda weird but i feel like bloodbag is gonna die at some point and then vampy will just be like "theres a dead girl in the pool (or wherever her corpse is laying slfjskldfjkldsj) i don't know what to do" and then he's gonna make this face

bad habits- ed sheeran bc he was just slutting around before he met bloodbag demons- imagine dragons dont make fun of me for this I KNOW but fr it's vampy renegade- taylor swift "you wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody" he needs bloodbag 😔 starting line- luke hemmings i can't really explain this one but it's like how you always talk about how his happiness is overshadowed by the fact that he's a monster or whatever million dollar bills - lorde "theres nothing i want but money and time" and vampy has literally all the money and time :) solar power- lorde this is harrys hot girl anthem idk happiness- taylor swift "there'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you" this is him reminiscing on miss chiropractor i wanna get better-bleachers "i didn't know i was lonely til i saw your face" "I didn't know i was broken til i wanted to change" come on 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 good 4 u - olivia rodrigo this is his fuck u song for miss chiropractor my tears ricochet- taylor swift "if i'm dead to you why are you at the wake" it's ironic innit 😌 what a feeling- one direction "what a feeling to be right here beside you now, holding you in my arms" please 😔 "everybody needs someone around" 😔😔😔 "but i can't hold you too close now" bc he has severe attachment and commitment issues :) all you had to do was stay- taylor swift "had me in the palm of your hand, then, why'd you have to go and lock me out when i let you in" omg miss chiropractor really hurt him 😔 king of my heart- taylor swift "and all at once you are the one i have been waiting for" bloodbag @ vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 cruel summer- taylor swift "I love you ain't that the worst thing you ever heard" bc he knows getting close to bloodbag will ultimately only lead to pain for everyone involved "i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you" bc he can't tell bloodbag everything about him even tho he probably wants to :( thank u next- arianna grande this is weird BUT if miss chiropractor hadn't fucked him up so much he never would have met bloodbag tear in my heart- 21 pilots again don't make fun of me for this I HAVE AN EXPLANATION "you fell asleep in my car i drove the whole time but that's okay i'll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine" if bloodbag fell asleep in his car he would definitely do this :( shape of you-ed sheeran "now my bedsheets smell like you" his room probably smells like honey and lavender all the time now and he's probably foaming at the mouth constantly cowboy in LA "let's skip the club, lets skip the crowd, i wanna take you on a date" bc they both hate clubs!!!!! "I'll hold your hand I'll hold the door bc that's how i was raised" he's a gentleman 😔😔😔😔 & burn- billie eilish "i'll sit and watch your car burn with the fire that you started in me, but you never came back to ask it out" idk for some reason this has vampy and miss chiropractor vibes take me to church- hozier religious trauma babes 🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼 speechless- dan+shay "i'm speechless, staring at you standing there in that dress" love 😔 yours- russel dickerson "i came to life when i first kissed you, the best me has his arms around you, you make me better than i was before, thank god i'm yours" SCREAMING AND CRYING AND SHAKING tolerate it- taylor swift "i know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it" MISS ******** DIDN"T APPRECIATE OR CELEBRATE HIS LOVE MIA- anarbor "thinking about my life and everything i did wrong along the way"😔 lay low- josh turner for when bloodbag and vampy go to a cabin in the woods for a week and just love each other 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 who can save me now- anarbor "you stabbed me in the back" this one is pretty literal LSKFJLKSJFLKDSJ "you could have at least been kind enough to let me turn around" ouch 😔 dopamine- anarbor "i'm hooked on your dopamine" vampy and bloodbag ugh lie to me- 5sos this give me vampy and ******** vibes "i wish we never met, cause you're too hard to forget" "while i'm cleaning up your mess i know he's taking

off your dress" bc she probably cheated on him while they were together 😔 and he would have stayed with her if she told him she loved him, even if he knew it was a lie 😔 cotton candy- yungblud it's just a happy song with good vibes like bloodbag and vampy currently have :) small talk- niall horan i don't even have to say anything here pillowtalk- zayn "so we'll piss off the neighbors" chappy 9 vibes dancing with our hands tied- taylor swift "i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us" vampy rn 😔 once in a lifetime- one direction vampy will live a million lifetimes but he will only ever have one bloodbag 😔 holy ground- taylor swift "tonight i'm gonna dance for all that we've been through but I don't wanna dance if i'm not dancing with you" they've come so far omg 😔 since we're alone- niall horan "you can show me your heart, if you put it all in my hands no i swear no i won't break it apart" crying if i could fly- one direction "for your eyes only i'll show you my heart" rollercoaster- bleachers again i can't explain it but it makes me think of him 😔 so long- niall horan "so if we knew all along why did it take so long" good question bestie current location- LANY "i need your current location to be my current location" they're idiots in love and want to be together all the time 😔 why dont we go there- one direction "hey i don't want you to be the one that got away i wanna get addicted to you you're rushing through my mind i wanna feel the high i wanna be addicted" well hes already addicted to her blood so might as well like you lots- LANY bc they both have issues and can't say love lmao too much to ask- niall horan vampy though wanting love was too much to ask of miss chiropractor 😔 walking in the wind- one direction this one just has his vibes man 😔 heartbeat- carrie underwood "dancing to the rhythm of your heartbeat" bc vampy is obsessed with listening to bloodbag's heart (fan behavior if you ask me) idfc- blackbear this is vampy and ******** bc "tell me that you love me even if it's fake" city of angels- 24kgoldn "i sold my soul to the devil for designer" yes this made me laugh the woods- olivver the kid "waking up in the middle of the woods" "don't you wanna get out of here, out of the woods" flashback to when he was dead in the woods oop "you brought me down to the river, and you pushed me in, hoping that the white rapids would challenge my ability to swim" bc... she's a murderer omg this verse is talking about leaves and i'm freaking out it fits 100% this is crazy "You pick up two handfuls You tell me they're all dried up & dead You know that's nothing like us We'll live forever instead" just a little bit of your heart- ariana grande vampy bc he loves so deeply and completely that he will give all of himself to someone even if they won't do the same my strange addiction- billie eilish bc he is addicted to her blood :) cross your mind- niall horan this is vampy and ******** "love the way you hurt me and it doesn't even cross your mind" "leaving me in pieces (literally lmao) but i swear it's worth it every time" everywhere- niall horan that scene where vampy smelled some perfume or soap or something and it made him think of bloodbag 😔 everything makes him think of her now 😔 "swear it's hard to think it's hard to breathe when you're in the air" put a little love on me- niall horan "you're the only one i need" 😔 bend the rules- niall horan VAMPY AND ******** ALL THE WAY "i'm not saying that you're lying but you're leaving out the truth" heartbreak weather- niall horan "all of my life i've been sleepwalk living, running around the same bars i've been in, it can be so lonely in this city, but it feels different when you're with me" bloodbag and vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 mr loverman- ricky montgomery "i miss my lover man" vampy is probably dramatic like this all the time now that they're official 😔 bad blood- taylor swift again, just for the irony 😌 vapor- 5sos "i want to breathe you in like a vapor i want to be the one you remember i want to feel

your love like the weather all over me" they're so in love like this 😔 catch fire- 5sos "all my life i've been waiting for moments to come" he's been waiting for bloodbag his entire life 😔 beside you-5sos "i wish i was beside you" they want to be together all the time 😔 black and white- niall horan "that first night i was standing at your door fumbling for your keys then i kissed you" ARE YOU KIDDING ME not in the same way- 5sos this is vampy and ******** just bc they were so toxic lkfjskldfjsdlkjf lonely heart-5sos "and i haven't slept in days" lmao ghost of you-5sos "my feet dont dance like they did with you" thinking about when vampy danced for bloodbag and what if they break up 👁️👁️ why wont you love me- 5sos vampy at ******** 😔 he just wanted to be loved 😔😔😔😔😔 fool's gold- one direction "i let you use me from the day that we first met" "i know your love's not real, but that's not the way it feels" STOP IM SAD last first kiss- one direction "let me be your last first kiss" i want them to be together forever 😔 truly madly deeply- one direction "foolishly completely falling and somehow you kicked all my walls in" bloodbag really snuck into his heart huh 😔 fireproof -one direction "nobody saves me baby the way you do" ugh 😔 long story short-taylor swift "clung to the nearest lips long story short it was the wrong guy" (or in vampy's case the wrong vampire) gold rush-taylor swift "and the coastal town we run around has never seen a love as pure as it" bloodbag and vampy are all i want 😔 no judgement- niall horan bc vampy would never judge bloodbag 😔 daddy issues- the neighborhood again im not even gonna say anything here new angel- niall horan "the touch of someone else to save me from myself" this is vampy 😔 god is a woman- ariana grande vampy after he brought bloodbag home the first time something like this- the chainsmokers "just something i can turn to, somebody i can kiss" ALL VAMPY WANTS IS LOVE sweater weather- the neighborhood idk this song makes me think of him all of me- john legend "all of me loves all of you all your curves and all your edges all your perfect imperfections" KSFLKSDJFKLDJSFLJSDKLFJDSKL i like me better- lauv "i like me better when i'm with you" she makes him a better person 😔 sex- eden "oh no, i think i'm catching feelings" vampy when bloodbag went on a date with someone else half a heart- one direction bc bloodbag completes him 😔 theyre so disgusting 😔 only angel- harry styles "turns out she's a devil in between the sheets" woman- harry styles vampy when she was on a date with someone else bc hes a jealous moron temporary fix- one direction this has chappy 1-2 vibes a.m.-one direction when they first started falling in love and he wanted to be with her more often 😔 something great- one direction "i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i don't have to keep imagining" through the dark- one direction just all of this song 😔 happily- one direction "you know i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep i just want it to be you and i forever" 😔 electric love- borns "i can't let you go now that i got it" canyon moon- harry styles they're just happy like this rn 😔 sunflower vol. 6- harry styles "kiss in the kitchen like it's a dancefloor" "mouth full of toothpaste" when they brushed their teeth together 😔 adore you- harry styles obviously

#music #og post

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gyll-yee-haw · 4 years

Note

Billy hope 😌👀 Girl do your thing♥

OH YES, INTERNET. MY TIME HAS COME.

Warnings: SIZE KINK IS BACK Y'ALL, mean!daddy, degradation, spitting, slapping, jealousy

---

So imagine that you and Billy had been together for a few months

Even though he is a tough guy, he is the SWEETEST boyfriend in the entire world

Like the type that sends flowers out of nothing on a regular day with a card saying "Just wanted to say that I love you. See you tonight."

There was only one problem with this whole thing: he was also sweet in bed

Well, there's nothing wrong with that…

But after seeing him fighting or training you always got so hot and bothered and you weren't exactly in the mood for some slow love making

But he always waited for the adrenaline to end before looking for you, and it was kinda frustrating

You even tried to ask him to be a little more rough with you once

But he mocked you

He laughed and said: "Honey, I can't get rougher with a small precious thing like you. I don't wanna hurt you."

You were now more than frustrated, you were mad

You turned your back to him and said that he wasn't getting anything that night then

He just shrugged and covered you up with the blanket before giving your head a goodnight kiss

He thought that wouldn't last long, in a day or two you would be crawling back to him

Little did he know, you had a different plan on your mind

You knew him. Very little things made him lose his mind

One is work. The other is jealousy. So why not mix both of them to make sure it would work?

So you waited until they announced his next opponent

And you were there to support him on that day that they have to take that pic facing each other, you know? (Idk if theres a name for it)

And that's when your plan was gonna start

Right after the whole event happened, he went looking for you in the crowd

That's when his eyes landed on you… talking to his opponent. Laughing. Looked like you were flirting?

He absolutely lost his mind

He walked towards you and the other fighter looking absolutely furious

His team could only stop him when he was very close to you

You looked at him with a smirk before telling the other guy: "I gotta go now. See you at the fight?"

He noticed Billy's presence and chuckled, saying: "Or after I win, how about that?"

Took like 10 men to hold him back after that

He yelled threats at the other guy and the press filmed everything

Great publicity, to say the least

But man, he was FURIOUS at you

Your plan didn't work. He wasn't gonna be rough to you in bed. He wasn't even going to sleep on the same bed as you anymore

You were heartbroken

Yeah, maybe that went a little too far… you felt stupid

He didn't see you or talk to you until the fight day, cause he wanted to be focused and prepared for it. He needed to win this one because that asshole messed with his girl

And when the day came, all you got was a text message saying "Be there."

And you obviously were

Billy didn't simply win. He sent the guy straight to the hospital

And afterwards, he didn't want to see anyone. No interviews or anything

He just took a quick shower and someone looked for you, saying he wanted you to wait in the car

You did exactly as he said

When he walked into the car, you immediately jumped on his lap saying things like: "Babe, you were so amazing, congratulations! I knew you would win."

But he wasn't having that. He ignored your presence and told the driver to go straight to the hotel

You kept insisting: "Bill, talk to me, I missed you so much…"

Until he snapped: "I don't want to hear it, okay? If you wanna act like a fucking slut, you're gonna be treated like one."

You didn't know what was going on, but you wanted to cry

You just didn't because that would probably make things worse, so you decided to stay quiet until you got to the hotel

You walked through the hall filled with journalists insisting on talking to Billy, but he turned them all off, pulling you by the hand towards the elevator

As soon as the elevator doors closed, it was only you and Billy again. You looked at his face and he was already looking at you

Next thing you knew was that he had one hand around your neck and the other squeezing your ass, and he gave you a hungry, passionate kiss

It was a relief to feel his lips again, but he stopped quickly, because you reached your bedroom's floor

"Before we walk into that room, you have to know your safe word is 'red', okay?" He whispered to you

Your eyes widened. So your plan had actually worked? All you could do was nod and follow him inside

The first thing he did once you were both there, was grab you from behind and unzip your dress in one quick and brutal movement

"Why you got such pretty lingerie on, huh?" He asked as he removed it from your body. "Is it for the winner of the fight? Whoever it was?"

"No, daddy." You tried to explain yourself. "It's only for you, I don't want anyone else…"

"Liar." He pushed you on bed, face down, ass up for him. "Why were you talking to the other guy that day? Making me look stupid in front of everyone. Letting everyone know you're nothing but a whore."

"Nothing, I promise!"

You couldn't explain what you felt when he slapped you. He slapped you hard.

"Lie to me one more time, I swear to god…" He said before slapping you again

"I… was telling him that you were gonna win…"

He didn't say anything, just slapped you again, like he was telling you to continue

"I just wanted to make you jealous." You admitted

"Do you think that's something good girls do?" He sighed

You shook your head

"I asked you a question." He slapped harder than before

"No, daddy, I'm sorry!" You cried out

"Aw what is it, dumb baby?" He sat on the bed and brought you to his lap. "You wanted me be to be rough, didn't you? I told you that you were only a little girl and you couldn't take it."

"But I can!" You protested

He looked you deep in the eyes, and when you thought he was about to kiss you, he spit on your face

You knew that was supposed to be a punishment, but you couldn't help but smile as you wiped it with your fingers before pushing them into your mouth

"How am I gonna be mean to you if you're a little filthy slut who enjoys being punished?" He rolled his eyes. "You know what? I just won a fight and I'm pretty tired. Why don't you ride my cock? Bet you missed it."

"Yes, daddy, I missed it so much!" You said excitedly as he took his clothes off

He sat back in bed and your mouth watered at the sight of his hard cock hitting his bruised abs. "Come here, puppy, I ain't got all night."

Puppy. If you weren't soaked wet already…

You crawled towards him as fast as you could and sat on his lap

You lowered yourself on his cock slowly on the first times and it was okay

But when you started going faster, the way your butt hit his thighs, made you stop immediately

"Did I tell you to stop?" He groaned

But then he saw your hands going towards your buttcheeks and stroking them gently

"What is that?" He chuckled. "Is your pretty little ass sore?"

You nodded

"Good." He said, giving your thigh a loud slap, making you scream. "But that's not my fucking problem, is it? So why don't you ride me like I asked you to?"

You started slowly again, but he grabbed you by the waist and forced you to go faster

"Do I have to do all the work?" He asked, making your go faster and faster. "Such a weak little girl trying to convince me I can be rough to her…"

Maybe it was because you were not used to it at first. But at some point, his hands guiding you weren't really necessary anymore

The pain only increased but your brain turned it into pleasure

You started to moan so much and he regretted not doing this earlier

"Daddyyy?" You called

"Yes, babygirl" he smiled

"Can I cum, please?" You begged

"Why? Feels good getting hurt by daddy, huh?"

"Feels so good, and… oh fuck... missed your cock, daddy, please… I can't hold it anymore!"

"Do it, princess." He chuckled at how desperate you sounded. "Missed this tight little pussy too, come on, before I fill you up."

Didn't take you much longer until your orgasm made you moan loudly and obscenely

And the way your walls clenched around him and the way you sounded were enough to make him cum too

Your weak body rested on his chest and there was absolutely no energy left in you or in him

"I'm not gonna do that again, I promise, but can we please…"

"Yes, we're definitely gonna do this more times."

And then it kinda became a tradition between the two of you to let him relieve his after fight adrenaline like that

He still sent flowers, though.

#billy hope #billy hope smut #billy hope x reader #jake gyllenhaal #jake gyllenhaal smut #jake gyllenhaal x reader

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tigerdrop · 4 years

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dogboy gordon rutting against benreys leg in the same way that benrey did it in the reverse. benrey encouraging him and also making fun of him in the same breath. yummy brain thoughts. i am rotating this

jesus christ i started thinking about dogboy gordon and have not stopped thinking. theres 7k words of dogboy stuff under here im going insane

how in the. help. Help. dog boy. how does he become dogboy. i cant keep giving these idiots potions but i guess thats what ive been reduced to

gman turns him into a dog boy. walks thru a portal and comes out in nintendogs but hes the dog and when he comes back out again hes still a little bit dogy. this is fucking stupid

THE TAIL WAGGING im going to pass away

> i think he would have such fucking issues with the fact that his tail and ears are expressing his emotions so much

trying to act angry towards benrey but hes given away by his tail wagging like crazy......and he never even knows its happening until somebody points it out

it would be cool if. um. he got a little more into roughhousing and rough play afterward. you know. like a . hes already really handsy......physical. . .. .

> okay like the anger turning into somewhat-serious jostling and pushing which turns into roughhousing

its not even horny at first it just gives him the weirdest fucking endorphins. like. its fucking fun man

> and by the time theyre roughhousing his tail is wagging furiously and like thumping on the floor when he gets pinned haha

> YES its about the exhilaration ......he gets this rush from flipping benrey over after he's pinning him, baring his teeth triumphantly

benrey pinning him by his wrists and half-laughing at him like "what the fuck is wrong with you??" and the rest of the science team chimes in like YEAH WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS WHAT WAS THAT

> gordon comes back to himself and turns red immediately and splutters like "i dont know! what - im just - benrey started it!” so like he refuses to do it again but then benrey pushes his buttons and he gets in his face, ears pinned back a bit and shoves him and benreys like oh...so its this again huh...

GOD......PUSHING HIS BUTTONS.......its sooo much fun now that gordons so physically reactive too

> what if he manages to get an honest to god growl out of gordon at one point and it makes something ugly twist in benrey's gut and he wants to make it happen again

and its probably really gratifying for him to see just how often gordons tail wags when gordon looks at him or snorts at one of his jokes

TWO SIDES

> the duality of their relationship....gordons tail wagging just a bit when hes looking at benrey though im

> im thinking about the growling though like...benrey gets fixated on how he fucking sounds, all deep and rumbly and this intensity just focused on benrey only....makes him think about how that would look in other contexts....

> benrey riling him up while their roughousing so he can feel that growl travel through his chest and like...getting gordon to that point makes him SO determined to win the "fight" over benrey hes almost a bit out of his mind with it......pins benrey and subconsciously ruts against him a bit as a sign of dominance....please stop me now goodbye....

NO LITERALLY THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE MOMENT I STARTED TYPING

prodding gordon further and further and riling him up until gordon pins him to the floor, hard, an arm jammed behind his back and his HEV suit jammed up against benreys ass and rutting subconsciously as gordon. h. gordon. clamps down on the back of his neck and growls

benrey sucks in a rattling gasp and is like "what? ow" in a weirdly shocked yet distanced way

he cant feel where gordons hard b/c of the HEV suit but he can feel the metal awkwardly bumping against his ass Like That. and inwardly benreys on a loop of "what the fuck what the fuck" but not in a bad way in the slightest. just utterly cannot believe this is whats happening, right now, gordon freeman dry humping his ass behind a bunch of crates, not 100 feet from the rest of the science team

> gordon snapping out of it and being like...what the fuck am i doing... or....maybe the gasp makes gordon bite down harder in response...not sure

> gordon not even realizing hes doing it until that moment is so great....i dont know but....maybe he lets go and pushes off benrey, panting and wild eyed, and the image of benrey on his stomach, his bite mark in his neck, is burned into his brain

> he just doesnt say fucking anything and just dips to get jacked off by the suit maybe.... cant stop thinking about how it felt to see benrey with his teeth marks....hates himself for feeling that sick satisfaction in his chest

benrey......touching the back of his neck afterwrds, kind of dream-like, both consciously and subconsciously.......

i like making gordon freeman suffer so i want him to just angrily try to rut against his arm in private later trying desperately to get off thru this stupid busted HEV suit that he cant get out of. pathetic. gordon freeman humping his own fucking arm in a bathroom stall. like a dog

and he thinks about how benrey smelled when he had his teeth clamped on the back of benreys neck, his nose buried right against benreys jaw and neck, smelling the sweat and the hormones and feeling benreys rapid heartbeat, and his whole fucking head throbs with how bad he wants to get off

> and he just cant get off....has to deal with going back the team tense and a bit sweaty and just move on when they ask what happened. benrey doesnt say anything just stares at him and gordon cant meet his eyes. gordon tries not to fucking let benrey get under his skin cause i think hes probably mad upset and embarassed that he reverted to his like,,,more base instincts because of BENREY of all people.....

> but he still thinks about it sometimes and....he tries to distance himself from him but hes still a pretty touchy guy and he find himself around benrey still....laughing at his jokes and getting in his space once in a while. always pulls himself away when he notices but not before he takes in a deep breath of benrey's scent...

> meanwhile benreys trying to think of how to make gordon do that shit again LOL

ohmy god. oh my god.....before this.....before he tries to stop getting in benreys business and before he even recognizes what hes doing.......he like.....hes so touchy feely that he subconsciously tries to mark benrey a lot. like just doing everything in his power to rub the inside of his wrists somewhere on him. even if its barely gonna do anything b/c of the suit. its just instinct

> NOW HE ...now he realizes that he was doing that the whole time..jesus,...

> AUGH....in the buildup before this he didnt realize that he was doing it........but now he realizes he fucking misses doing that shit and kind of berates himself for doing it in the first place....like what the fuck....be Normal gordon...you cant want to fuck him....do you..?

i want him to. grrgohg i dont even know how or why this would happen but i want gordon freeman to lie supine on the ground with his hands up like paws like hes a big pupy looking for tummy rubs OKAY! BYE. I HAVE TO GO. im going to fucking sob why am i like this why is this the cutest possible thing for a man to do. i cant even think of a fucking reason why he would do this so im so fucking embarrassed

i want to fucking. i want to rub his fucking tumy and make him pop a boner from it im literally so sick of this earth

> i was literally Just typing: i just think it would be cool . To pet his tummy and keep telling him "good boy" in a Certain kind of Tone that just totally fucks him up about it . maybe flushed and tongue starting to wanna hang out of his mouth as he goes from laying flat on his back to kinda twisted to one side, breathing heavy, tail thumping hard against the floor cause hes a big dog so that thing is like a lethal weapon

> petting the fuzzy lower belly while hes already hard & needy just to make him whine Very high pitched and desperate-sounding bc its so close to what he wants but that just makes it worse 8)

> What if. Benrey pinning Gordon, maybe scritches behind his ear, as a "joke", he's a dog haha good boy wants ear scritches?? And Gordon immediately squirming and whining. Maybe even kicking his leg just a little bit

> i think it would be cool for a post-black mesa puby gordon pinned benrey to the floor with his whole body weight and humped the life out of benrey's leg while panting and drooling in benrey's ear. a total lack of regard for benrey, (of course he's into it tho) just using him like an object that's conveniently there for him to furiously get off on

> i'm thinking.... this happening after a period of prolonged teasing, like you said. rubbing his tummy and ignoring his dick

> Man ok combined with the suit edging huh? I love that, but i also kinda want gordon to sneak off to get off and discover his uh. k. kn. knot

> he sneaks off and if in this situation he can. idk. get at his dick in a bathroom or whatever. and well, he gets caught up so easily in his 'head empty' instincts mode that when he cums he's kneading that thang for like 2 minutes before he even becomes cognizant enough to notice. and then immediately panic. so idk maybe he cant get at himself for a while, right, so he didnt notice this

> i just think gordon being in the suit would not let him get at his dick and he would only be able to get off in really convoluted ways so like...he wouldnt fucking Know he had a knot he would just feel a weird pressure at the base that he doesnt know what its about. but he starts getting these fantasies of holding benrey down and staying in him when he comes and he doesnt know where the hell thats coming from.....yet. until after everything is over and he can get out of it, and the first time he jacks off again he realizes HOLY FUCK? like what the hell....but it makes sense in retrospect where those fantasies came from. but hes just super embarassed about those fantasies and pushes them down until benrey comes back into his life and activates him again

> in addition to embarassment i think he has a lot of complicated feelings about benrey and definitely feels a guilty about wanting to fuck him into the ground and fill him with cum....but GOD if benrey doesnt get to him just as much as he did in black mesa

> i think that something like this would be so unplanned and shit but like......theyve probably hung out a few times before this or more like maybe benrey has dropped into his house just to annoy him and gordon finds his ears pricking when he hears heavy footsteps around his house cause he recognizes them as benrey's...

> little rush of exhilaration maybe. cause it means they'll spend some time together and he has just all these emotions under his skin when they do. i dont know how this would happen but maybe gordon forgets to keep himself in check when benrey makes him laugh so hard he's snorting and his tail is wagging furiously.benrey tries to touch/catch his tail cause he's kinda curious about it and it never got to mess with it in black mesa. but it turns into roughhousing as gordon shoves him away a little bit but benrey keeps trying to get at it and then get at his ears

> "cmon man just let me touch them whats the big deal-" "NO!" but like hes still laughing a bit until they start really getting into it and he gets breathless and a little irritated at having to roll around and try to pin benrey's hands to the floor

hell on earth......the way his tails wagging and hes grinning and drooling a little once he gets benrey pinned.......

> little triumphant smile when he finally does.....got benrey on his stomach and he's subconsciously rutting against benrey's ass like in black mesa but hes just not noticing while he's berating benrey for losing

> talking right into his ear, and benrey lets out a little gasp when he does a particularly hard thrust and then hes like oh. fuck. he takes in a deep breath and can smell benrey's sweat and realizes hes just as horny about this as he is. cant help but bury his face in the back of his neck and lick. and benrey starts pushing back into him and talking the worst dirty talk and it makes him growl right against his neck and put his teeth there again as a warning not to move but benrey doesnt still, he just keeps talking. so gordon bites down, hard, cutting him off mid sentence with a yelp

f. fucking. benrey......arching his back into it.......pressing his hips up as high as theyll go......the angles bro.....the angles

> also: gordon popping boners more easily, even when he's just platonically excited w/ benrey..... yeah... :)

> like the thing about this is just that he got so excited from the wrasslin that he popped a boner....wasnt even thinking of horny.....

> not until benrey started gasping and arching back into him. then hes immediately aware of how this looks...like hes already basically in the position in his fantasies hes just rutting against him in the imitation of fucking

> gordon getting more frenzied by the little sounds benrey is making as he clamps down on his neck, drool dripping down his chin. benrey braces himself with one hand and gets the other to pull his pants down and then tug on the leg of gordon's down a bit because gordon is kind of. not thinking straight right now. gordon gets the message and fumbles with the buttons to get it down and like. haha i thinnk it would be fun if benrey prepped himself before this and gordon notices like. you really managed to prep urself this time? god, you really wanted this to happen. but maybe benrey had been doing it the last few times cause gordon would get in his space again sometimes and things were tense

NO GOD THIS IS GOOD. LIKE. oh my god gordon just like bitching at him and getting up in his face and Growling a couple times before while his pants are all tented from the inadvertent excitement boners that he doesnt even realize hes having.....and benrey might not be smart but hes not stupid

theres like a 50% chance theyre gonna fuck at any given time he realizes so like. why not......

even if it doesnt work out in the moment benrey still spends the whole time hopped up on the knowledge that they could have, that he was the little fucking pervert who got himself all prepped just in case gordon decided todays the day hes just gonna mount him, and honestly the way he beats his meat and fucks himself afterwards might be nearly as good as the real deal, just from that little bit of self-inflicted degradation

like u said...........he really wanted it to happen

> hhh.... maybe gordon ruts a bit against his ass and benrey guides him in and. he makes a deep growling rumble when he bottoms out. benrey feels it through his chest and gets a full body shiver as he's filled. i dont think hes fully developed his knot yet but its a tight fit. he starts fucking hard and fast into him while open mouthed panting, he cant keep his face away from the benrey's neck, licking up the sweat and burying his face there to breathe in his scent

the fucking . the desperation......every instinct in his body has been telling him to fuck benrey - yes, that benrey, fucking benrey - into the ground for......weeks now? months??

dudes probably tried everything he can think of to overcome it and to think about literally anything else when he gets off but nobody he fucks even comes close to smelling as good as benrey did when gordon had him pinned and gasping and sweating and he could smell the want rolling off him in waves.....and it sucks massive dick and he hates it

> hes been driven crazy by this thought for so long.....cant fucking control himself. wh. what if gordon managed to get a hold of a piece of benrey's clothes that he left and held it up to his face when he let himself jack off to this particular thought so he could get the scent but it jsut wasnt the same without his warm, panting body below him . he always nuts the hardest when he has it though

huffing benreys undershirt and desperately rutting into a pillow on his hands and knees with his ass fully up and hes just utterly debased right now

sad and pathetic gordon freeman humping his pillow like a dog and whining thinking about fucking benrey. if his past self could see himself like this right now he would be disgusted

> !!!!!!!!1 HIM GETTING INTO THE MOUNTING POSITION ON INSTINCT WHEN HE DOES IT...YOUR BRAIN ! i think that gordon would definitely give everything hes got to benrey when he finally gets to fuck him.

> now that hes actually doing it he's just out of his goddamn mind. benrey already being ready for him, slick and hot, just letting him push in .....i think he would definitely go insane

dudes never fucked so hard or so mindlessly in his life......for once all the neuroses just fly out the window. overcome by instinct

> letting out all these whines and moans, not even caring for how loud hes being... benrey's wanted this so fucking bad hes just eating it up, pushing back on him like an animal and getting a power trip that he made gordon this unhinged

thinking about him just being utterly shocked when benrey guides him in and he can just bury himself all the way to the hilt so easily and it makes something in his brain snap

> gordon doesnt even tell benrey when hes close, benrey can just start to feel his knot swell inside him and how it stretches him a bit past what he prepared for...but he wants it in him so fucking bad, he just lets gordon keep fucking into him

like. oh my god. does benrey even know about the knot or is this a brand new and fun surprise for him

> I DONT KNOW......I JUST REALLY LIKE THE THOUGHT OF HIM BEING A BIT CAUGHT OFF GUARD BY IT....

> being caught off guard by it but being so turned on by the feeling of it filling him that he lets out this really high, needy sound. which goes straight to gordon's dick and he just pushes into him harder and jolts his whole body with it. maybe he h....he bites down on the other side of his neck again and thrusts in one more time before coming deep in him. just shuddering from it, eyes squeezed shut and jaw locked around benrey

benrey just fuckin. face down ass up and arching his back as high as he can

(mumbling very quietly) it might be cool also if. gordon maybe.....started growling some things as he got close. a certain something. a word

you know......just......bent over benreys back......arms wrapped around benreys chest and fingers digging into the soft flesh (maybe even his titties, if youre feeling spicy).......pistoning his hips in staccato bursts while he growls.........u bh hhhhh......"mine". over and over not even realizing hes doing it b/c his brain is so fogged out on the sheer delight of rawing benrey after having thought about it non-stop

(mumbling so quietly im speaking at a pitch below the human hearing threshold) benrey hoarsely saying "'m yours, 'm yours" while hes got one hand jammed underneath himself to tug at his dick is the thing that sets gordon off and makes him come, perhaps. perhaps

and gordon just.....slumps over him, leaning his full body weight on him, panting weakly into his ear while his hips subconsciously rut just a little bit, arms still wrapped around benrey but otherwise as useless as a bump on a log while benreys jerking himself off to the wild new feeling of having that knot stretch him open and tug at him every time gordon shifts his hips

gordon nuts and becomes utterly useless but at least his knots still fat as hell so benreys still got something to work with

(sobbing) i just want to see men acting like animals leave me olone..... its about the submission to instinct......the degradation and dehumanization......and also the scent kink its all about the fucking scent kink. its about wanting to huff a guy you pretend you hate like hes a fucking magic marker and its about wanting to make him smell like u

> for scent kink, Gordon's boners due to sweaty benrey hehehehe. this is narsty -> Benrey is like "yeesh that was a lot of exertion" after their first almost-sex wrasslin match, and gets embarassed, so next time he like, wears a bunch of old spice.... but gordon doesn't get as excited. like yeah he can feel him against his back and yeah he's not soft but.. he's not panting or as hard. benrey thinks real hard when he gets home

> CLEAN SWEAT OK ITS A COMBATIBILITY THING OK. IT IS. LOOK UP THE SCIENCE OK I ...walks away. clown shoez

YOU ARE SO FUCKING CORRECT THANK U

> Maybe next time He doesn't bother with the old spice at all, and he gets real into the wrasslin... hell maybe he even uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gets gordon's head under his arm im just saying

I DIDNT WANNA BE THE ONE TO SAY IT BUT NO YEAH THATS COOL. ITS A VERY COOL THOUGHT

think about......dogboy gordon roughhousing and getting pinned down himself and snapping his teeth up at benrey like joking but not joking. you know

they both start just getting really into roughhousing b/c sometimes gordons brain gets Stressed The Fuck Out by all the added stimulation to the senses of being pupy......theres too many sounds and smells sometimes and it makes him even more neurotic and makes him start acting up and getting irritable and trying to start shit until he exerts himself enough to tire his brain out and make it shut up

maybe even like.....in the interim after black mesa but before he runs into benrey again, gordon becomes a fucking hot mess b/c he doesnt know how to deal with it all and the only way he got thru black mesa without his brainstem snapping in half was b/c he and benrey would start shit and start fighting and wrestling and the rest of the science team eventually shrugged and accepted this as a (very weird) part of their life now. he looks like hes one minor inconvenience away from a panic attack and its so sad

any kind of physical exercise would help (he takes up jogging when hes feeling stressed out, which is a lot, and hes gotten some really nice legs by this point) but theres just something different about the roughhousing. its a mental exercise as well as a physical one, so it exhausts his brain more, and unbeknownst to him, he just gets fucking endorphins from the way benrey smells and from being able to mark him with all the up-close physical contact theyre getting. so. hence the wrestling and roughhousing and gordons occasional tendency to just pounce the guy in public and start fighting him with his tail wagging and thumping like crazy

it might be even better if gordon attempts to roughhouse with just about the whole science crew at some point, just for a point of comparison

like.....its usually good, its satisfying, and it wears him out and lets him function like a human being......but theres just something about roughhousing with benrey thats really satisfying and he doesnt have the emotional intelligence to figure out what it is

gordon freeman is an idiot, is what im saying

> tommy indulges him and probably lets him win a few times, coomer soundly wins out every time and bubby probably...loses some before getting pissy LOL. i think that its fun for him to get the most Good Feelings out of roughhousing with benrey.....

AUUUUGHHH WHAT IF HE LICKED BENREYS FACE THO

g gbfbhhh god im obsessed with the way benrey laughs at him and asks "what the fuck is wrong with you?" in the act 3 commentary and thats the exact kind of vibe im feeling from him about like. everything gordon does in pupymode

> Okay, before I go to bed, I shall leave you with a Dog Thought™. Gordon probably wouldn’t be the “best trained” dog in the world because, well, he doesn’t have anyone to make him listen or obey. Heck, given his need to be in control, he probably thinks he’s the leader of the proverbial pack and nobody can tell him what to do. He’d probably slip and do quite a few “rude” and obnoxious dog things, including but not limited to being all over Benrey.

> Trying to goad him into roughhousing. Licking his face. Being in his space to the point that it even starts to make Benrey raise an eyebrow. Inappropriate marking and whatnot. [cough] And what if Benrey--in a weird reversal of the roles we usually give--is stuck with the task of… training Gordon… to behave…

> YOU KNOOOOW. Because pitting alpha dog Gordon against Benrey, who is trying to get him to be “good”...

> … Well, that could be interesting.

> Imagine if you will: Benrey realizing he needs to get Gordon under control. As much as he likes the attention, it's becoming too much. Relentless. Tables have been turned and now he's the one that's a little overwhelmed by the situation because, well, Gordon is running on pure instinct half the time. Making it hard to do things. Making it hard to live his life. Always in his bubble which was, like, fine at first but now he can't do anything without feeling a wet tongue on his face or having Gordon trying to goad him into rough housing.

> He needs so much attention. Has so much energy. It's too much.

> So, he decides he's going to try to "train" Gordon to not... do that. Benrey trying to assert dominance over Gordon, as if he were just a normal dog. Gordon, who has already marked Benrey and decided that Benrey belongs to him does not take to this very well. This is not how the chain of command works. This isn't how the chain of command works at all.

> Benrey, struggling to curb him through praise and admonitions--"good boy," "bad boy," tossing him ~treats~ if he does something right--is now facing off with Gordon, who is both enamored with the attention he's getting but utterly pissed off by the fact Benrey is trying to stop him from doing what he wants.

losing it at the tables being turned and now gordons the annoying fucker getting up in benreys business all the time and never leaving him alone. he deserves this

> They're basically both unmovable objects and unstoppable forces. Benrey is stubborn and isn't going to give up all his sweet PS3 time because Gordon won't stop humping his leg, and Gordon is not going to give up his God given right to make Benrey his property. But Benrey isn't completely averse to the idea of being Gordon's bitch. He just wants to be his bitch on his own terms.

> So, in a surprising show of... well, intelligence on Benrey's behalf, he starts redirecting Gordon's energy towards what HE wants Gordon to do.

> That's how you handle misbehaving dogs anyway. You redirect their energy. That's what all the books on dog training says anyway, and Benrey's inclined to believe it because he's read it in all two books on the subject he casually flipped through.

> So, when Gordon starts getting in his space, he starts redirecting him to touch where he wants touched. "Good boy." When Gordon starts getting a little rough, he purposefully positions himself so he gets the most out of it. "Good boy." When Gordon's licking his face, he starts trying to guide that tongue down to his neck. Feels better there. "Good boy."

> Because he's not a complete idiot. Him and Gordon both know this is sexually charged at this point. And Gordon... Gordon can bend his behaviors a little bit as he's being directed if he still gets to do what he wants (in a way), and Benrey still gets to be fondled by the nerd.

> "But part of the problem is that he is in Benrey's space all the time!" Yeah, but Benrey figured that out, too. You know what shuts up Gordon real fast? Pushing him back down on the other end of the couch and telling him to stay. And if he listens, he slowly, carefully hand feeds Gordon a treat as a reward. Pushing it into his mouth, making sure it goes all the way in. Letting Gordon lick the last bits of taste off of his fingers. He usually sits still after that. "Good boy."

i have a thought thats almost unrelated but im so desperate to give this scenario the proper context

thinking about......gordon getting out of black mesa and hes still dogboy.....and hes attempting to go back to life as normal now that benreys out of his hair for ever but one day his pupy nose catches That Fucking Smell on the air and he realizes that benreys not fucking dead. he thought benrey was fucking dead, b/c he killed him

gordon freeman losing his mind for a solid week or two trying to hunt that smell down (why?? to prove a point?? to try to kill benrey again??? uh huh.) and then when he does hunt benrey down, its like.....well, what was the plan, bud? you found him, and now youre having a staredown outside a 7/11 while benreys frozen halfway through his big gulp

i literally forgot what i was typing b/c dogy gordon tum y rub b gtfhgbb ggfabgbbg

and.....well......he doesnt know exactly what his game plan was, but he does know that benrey cant be trusted as far as u can throw him, and hes not about to let benrey wreak havoc on new mexico if he can help it, so now his new hobby is......tracking benrey across the city to keep an eye on him

and thats how they keep ending up in close proximity

and thats how u start looping in the whole role reversal thing.....suddenly gordons the one that benrey cant shake......hes a bloodhound and hes got the scent

SORRY im SORRY i crave context with the same ferocity that i crave, like, air

and then they start roughhousing when gordon tackles him to the ground one day to stop him from doing.....something......and gordon snaps being to being a normal person so quickly afterwards that its dizzying. turns out a solid 80% of what he really wanted was a sparring buddy

> good afternoon everyone this is not horny in the slightest but i just wanted to say- you know that thing dogs do where they get REALLY excited and playful when you come home from a long day at work? well i’m just thinking about. y’know how benrey has a tendency to just, vanish for a while and come back like nothing happened? think it’d be cute if he were gone for a particularly long stretch of time b4 catching up with the science team again and gordon RESPONDS in his typical annoyed, bratty fashion while his body language is saying something completely different (he still hasn’t mastered the art of puby)

> like, u know, tail wagging a hundred miles a minute, ears perked up and attentive, subconsciously getting all up in benrey’s space

Im going to Cry thats so fucking cute wtf wtf wt ff

still going insane thinking about the “good boy” thing......like...... its all fun and games until hes grappling his best friend benrey and hes got benrey in a headlock and hes plastered against benreys back from head to toe and his tails thumping excitedly against the floor and hes panting hot and harsh right against benreys ear and benrey takes that moment, right there, to choke out "good boy"

its half outright horny and half power play b/c benreys banking that either theyre gonna fuck or gordons gonna let go and be like "what the fuck, man" and then benrey can get the drop on him again

the way gordon just goes stiff after he says it.....breath getting shaky.....dick twitching once against benreys ass and the guy can fucking feel it clear as day......Augh

his tail slows.....and then fires right back up again when he tentatively rocks his hips against benreys ass and feels the sound benrey makes more than he hears it......and like for fucks sake theyve been dancing around how horny their roughhousing sessions are for weeks, this guy deserves to finally get his rocks off by dry humping benreys ass while benreys getting spots in his vision from how tightly gordons got his arm wrapped around his neck. he deserves this

gordons free hand slowly opening up and pressing flat against benreys shirt, then crawling under it so that he can feel the bare skin of his stomach......rocking his hips against the dip between benreys cheeks and whimpering when benrey says it again, breathless and hoarse. "good boy." his tongue poking out to lick a broad, wet stripe up the side of benreys neck to taste the salt and sweat and the hormones, jesus christ, hes never been able to taste if somebodys horny before but its rolling off of him in waves.......and gordons breath comes out so loud and harsh and desperate when benreys leg lifts up a little bit for him to slot his own between them more easily

just mumbling stupid horny shit like "fuck benrey, you taste so good" while his tongue lolls out of his mouth and he licks the curve of benreys ear and rolls benrey onto his stomach b/c something in the back of his brain is whispering to him that it would be a really, really good idea, and hes originally got benrey just crushed flat against the floor with his full body weight but benrey takes a rattling breath and tells him to ease up, get up offa him.....

and gordons confused at this point b/c he was pretty sure this was where this was going, he was being a good boy, but that thought doesnt last very long b/c benreys shuffling into position under him, raising his hips and pushing gordons up with him while his face and torso are flat against the floor, and, Oh. hes. hes doing that. this is what theyre fucking doing now

> gordon taking the collar of benrey’s shirt in his mouth in an crude imitation of scruffing him

every fucking bone in gordons body is telling him to move his hips, fuck benrey stupid, bury himself to the hilt, but he cant do that when theyre both still clothed so he does the next best thing and ruts against benrey like he fucking means it and like if he just tries hard enough, gets enough friction, itll be just like fucking him for real......

hes so dizzied by looping thoughts of he wants this, he wants you to mount him, like youre a filthy fucking animal, arent you? you sick fuck, you wanna mark him and breed him and hed let you, hed beg you for it, look, hes doing it right now and when he comes back down to earth, yeah, benrey is begging right now, isnt he. while hes palming at the front of his sweatpants and whimpering and calling gordon a good boy, attempting to tug his pants down to his knees so gordon can rut against bare flesh, and gordon slows down just enough to let him do it and to fumble open his own zipper to ease some of the agonizing pressure

gordon fumbling his dick out of his underwear to line it up between benreys fat cheeks and god, the feeling of skin against skin is so much fucking better than chafing against his jeans that it makes him growl against benreys neck and benrey cant pump his fucking dick fast enough. hes so encouraging, what with all those little sounds hes making and the way hes arching his back and pressing his hips up as high as theyll go, groaning into the crook of his arm "fuckin, fuck me, bro, j-just like that"

> thinking...... they both get so lost in it, they both can’t hold back long enough to fuck for real. this is too hot, benrey feels something hot and wet on his ass and gordon is curling into him. benrey’s never felt so simultaneous turned on and frustrated that he’s still empty, he’s still gonna have to wait, snd ironically that denial pushes him over too

GOD yes fuckin. coming on his ass b/c gordons so frantic and desperate that he cant wait...... but seeing his cum all over benreys ass is deeply satisfying in its own way. he smears it deep into benreys skin to mark him like that

> oh hey imma be nasty sorry but Gordon all cum-high just sort of manouvering Benrey until he can start licking his cock clean bc he likes to uh. i mean benrey's all wet and you know. he likes it. and benrey comes from that, before he can even think about sucking him off properly

> he doesnt have a thought left in his head at the moment... and can u blame him? so he just uh follows he nose....... and benrey's brain is deleted except for "GORDON FREEMAN ON MY DICK????????" bouncing around like a screensaver yes

> yeah he's not even trying to suck him off really, hes not gotten that far yet cuz hes so cumbrained, gone stupid, etc

im gonna be gross here too okay......and like. fucking. huffing and burying his nose into the crook of benreys thighs b/c he smells so intensely like sex and sweat and it makes gordon lightheaded

> YEAAH maybe he starts licking there before he gets up to his dick. it's not like he's dragging it out really so it's not long but benrey's gaping like a fish. he's trying to say something sorta but he can't get any words out and isn't even sure what he himself is trying to say

maybe he cant help himself and he just starts licking and biting on impulse b/c its your resident fuckin thigh guy here and i think benrey deserves to get em chomped like a drumstick

> and then that's gordon's tongue on his dick, bro and this neurotic mf looking so pleased and blissed out as he sloppily licks him all over is a sight he couldn't have even cooked up in his imagination before now

> benrey not coherently enough to warn him he’s like right there, his babbling incoherently at the tease of gordon’s nose and lips is gonna make him- and then his Tounge darts out and it’s over, the start of the end and he’s spurting all over gordon’s completely surprised face without even being jerked or licked through it

> maybe since gordon's been so stressed and keyed up for so long that benrey coming is a surprise but still doesn't shock him enough to clear the cumbrain, so he licks ben clean after that too, while he's twitching and whimpering etc

> think that benrey massive meat being useless and barely even touched is hip and rad even in the context of him technically being in the higher position of power

> then rests his head on beny's belly for a while, feeling very accomplished and tired. he'll panic later, don't worry

god im still thinking about. pillow humping/voyeurism

gordon freemans a bad fucking dog and sometimes he cant help himself and just starts rutting into a pillow with his ass up and his face buried in one of benreys undershirts while hes just panting and mumbling shit the whole time about benrey, benrey, benrey, why is he so fucking obsessed with benrey and with thinking about mounting him just like hes doing to his poor abused pillow every week

and. you know. maybe one day......benrey kind of.....catches him in the act. i think that would be cool. just coming home one day and cracking open his bedroom door and seeing gordon freeman on all fours, his teeth sunk deep into one pillow and another pillow between his thighs, desperately fucking it while hes groaning benreys name b/c he sure as shit was not expecting him back that early, which is why his cumbrain made him feel confident enough to crawl into benreys bed and roll around in it and mainline benreys scent from his clothes and nut on his pillow (and then feel fucking bad about it and frantically try to clean it off)

and benrey just slooowly steps back with his heart pounding out of his chest for possibly the first time in his whole life b/c he did not think gordon freeman ever wanted to fuck him, but here he is, using benreys pillow as an imitation of the real thing and jerking off in his bed

just turns right the fuck back around and goes into the bathroom and splashes some water on his face and stares down at his sudden boner

THANKS FOR READING ALL OF THIS B/C THIS ISNT EVEN GETTING INTO THE PISS STUFF THAT WEVE OBVIOUSLY BEEN THINKING ABOUT. SORRY FOR BEING LIKE THIS

#asky #writin stuff

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