#i mean its been a problem since forever but i havent actually tried anything for a longg time. so i guess there was a breaking point

[c0rpseattack]

houhhh.

[imbumkyung]

I Saw It In A Movie One Time (ch.4) - Acting

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 5

Warnings: none!

“Well the good news is, the cast should only be on for about a month, and you can go back to regular activities within eight weeks,” the blonde, golden eyed doctor advised.

The room you were sat in was glum. You remember it this exact way from the movie. Dr. Cullen’s hair swept back with a white coat on, eyes focused on the document in front of him being held by a clip board. We was writing things down, probably prescribing her some medications or as her friends liked to call it— hardcore drugs.

Kai reminisced that comedy segment that John Mulaney did about lying to his doctor for Xanax. She considered the same trick on Dr. Cullen, but feared that he would deny her since marijuana and other drugs were still taboo in 2007. Still, her mouth ran faster than she could process.

“Hey uh, sometimes I get nervous on airplanes,” she stated

God. I have to blame my ADHD on that one.

“Ah,” he nodded, “well I hope you won’t be going on any airplanes anytime soon then,” Dr. Cullen replied with a smile

Dammit. No Xanax for me then.

He finished writing but not without leaving a signature at the bottom of the page and sending me off with a smile. As she was leaving the room, she happened up bump straight into the hardest and coldest figure she’d ever felt.

“Sh— sorry man,” she apologized. She looked up for a split second and instantly regretted when she did

Edward

His eyes narrowed, making her feel smaller, “I remember you,” he stated

She said nothing, but ducked her head and rushed away as fast as she could. Her sense of accomplishment for getting away was cut short by a cold hand wrapped around her upper right arm. At this, she tensed and gave him a cold look.

“It’s not nice to grab people,” she spat

“How do you know who I am?” He asked gently

“The last time someone asked me that I got this,” she raised the cast on her left forearm. Unknowlingly revealing she knew about Victoria as well. The sound of her screaming in pain and the events of Victoria effortlessly snapping her arm played in her head.

“Besides,” she shrugged her arm from his grasp, “I’ll be out if your way soon”

Unwillingly, she remembered the time she tried to kill herself back to go back to her normal life and the next image that flashed in her head was her driving at over 100mph, then closing her eyes and sealing her fate. It wasn’t a set-in-stone kind of plan, but it was an idea that came up on the spot.

Edward cringed, “that— that’s not neccessary,”

“What’s not neccessar— oh. Stay out of my head please,” she remembered, he can hear her thoughts, but she wasn’t aware that any form of imagery would translate for him.

“You know I can read your thoughts,” he stated.

“Look, I’d love to explain everything, but I really gotta go. My mom needs me home to uh...” she paused, scrambling in her head for an excuse “take care of my brother— Don’t speak to me if you ever run into me again. Please,” she walked out of the hospital as fast as she could, deciding she didn’t need any of the medication. She just needed to get away.

-

Needless to say, Kai was stressed. Stressed that she’s attracted so much attention from the characters. Stressed that said characters had even seen her. It put her in danger. Victoria even knows about her now, and now that another human besides Bella knows of their existence— it’s a crime to the bloodsuckers.

Upon realizing this, Kaileia’s eyes widened.

Her knowledge of them had been exposed to two vampires. Theres no one to protect her from this— Bella’s safety was secured because Edward was her mate. Kai had no one. She’d avoided becoming friends with anybody at all in fear that any connection would lead her to the vampires or the wolves.

Slamming open the door to her bedroom, she scrambled for the journal she bought months back. It had been weeks since she last documented her experiences, but after today, it was time for an update

“Victoria caught me today and broke my arm bro. At least it was my shitty arm. I havent had an actual conversation with anyone besides Jeremy who interviewed me for the job I have now. Carlisle fixed my arm as if theres no other god damn doctors in forks dAMMIT MEYER. Then edward radiated some REAL Serial killer energy today like hOLY SHIT he can read my thoughts. I just wanna go back to where my only problem was my mom. She wasnt even that much of a problem tho tbh. But its Not like blood sucking vampires and their werewolf enemies. Kendrick Lamar isnt even famous yet. No one knows who Chance the Rapper is. Everyones obsessed with the pussycat dolls and I dont even think they know about Chris Brown beating up Rihanna. At this point, I’ve definitely missed the area 51 raid and I’m disappointed.

Not gonna lie tho, I’ve been running from it all this time and it’s worked until now. I was faced with just the greatest danger ever and now I’m getting sucked in. I’m really hoping I never have to mean anything to them. I’m also wondering what happens after it’s all over? I don’t want to write what it is here, because if someone finds this I don’t want to change the future, but after that last chapter, where do I go? I can’t live here forever. I have my own life.

I wonder if my dogs miss me. If anyones feeding them the right amount, walking them twice a day. Do my parents know I’m gone? Its been over half a year and I’m still here”

Her hand started cramping and she shut her book, flinging her pen across the opposite side of the room, thought instantly regretting it because she may think of other ideas to write down. Kai lay flat on her bed, letting go of any control she had over her muscles and stared at the ceiling. Things were starting to get a lot more intense. It had her shaken that she might have to be involved in order to stay safe.

There was no evidence supporting her theory, but Kai believed in order to go back to her old life, she cannot die by the hands of another person.

(Fourth wall break)Yes, it’s a plot hole. Smeyer had a lot of those too and I’m writing this impulsively. Give me a break

-

Edward pushed open Carlisle’s office door with force, “She knows,” he stated urgently, his expression stoic but panicked.

Carlisle furrowed his brows, “who?”

“That patient you just had,” Edward said, pointing back to the door behind him with his thumb, “She knows about us. I was in her head. Victoria broke her arm,” He rushed, taking a step toward Carlisle with wide eyes.

Carlisle’s eyes widened as well, “She’s in danger,” he stated

“We have to protect her,” Edward stated, “if Victoria kills her, the treaty is compromised,” He concluded, alluding to the treaty they had with the wolves.

Carlisle paused, trying to collect his thoughts, “I think this calls for a house meeting, actually,” he suggested, now standing with his arms to his side, “I can tell this concerns you, Edward.”

“I don’t want a fight with the wolves,” Edward explained, “Jacob was here for Bella while I was in Italy. He’s the one who told me she was dead,” he paused, Carlisle listening intently to his son, “I know if we fight, he’ll come for me first. And I can’t hurt Bella like that.”

Carlisle nodded, “We’ll let the rest of them know,” he said, referring to his family, “I think it’s best if the wolves know to protect her as well,” he suggested

“She doesn’t want to be involved,” Edward said, “it was the last thing she wanted. I don’t want to drag her into this life as well.” Edward was still beating himself up for bringing Bella into his world. Weather she wanted to be in it or not, he still wanted her to keep a normal human life. And if a normal human life is what Kai wanted, then damn it, he was going to let her have it

-

“So theres another human?” Rosalie seethed

“It’s not her fault—” Carlisle interjected

“It’s not her fault? Not her fault that she found out about us? How could she figure it out without dedicating so much time into figuring us out?” She accused the girl they didn’t know about. She knew Bella only found out because of the loads of research she did.

“She didn’t,” Edward defended, taking a step closer, “I don’t know how she knows, but she does. She doesn’t even want to be involved in this life,” he said gently, keeping eye contact with Rosalie

“So what do we do?” Esme asked, “If the Volturi find out she knows about our kind, they have no one to accuse except us. We’re the only coven in Washington.” She said softly

Everyone was staring hard at the ground, trying to grant Kai’s wish of not becoming involved, all the while knowing that the only real way to protect her was to stay with her at all times.

“She at least needs to know the that Victoria won’t stop,” Alice said, “she knows the Volturi would either blame her or us for exposing our kind.”

Carlisle pressed his lips in a tight line, “I’m sure she knows.” He sighed. Everyone shared quick glances before staring back to the floor in concentration, desperately trying to come up with a solution.

“She’ll need to get out of Forks,” Alice concluded, “Victoria is only here for Bella, I don’t think she’ll go for the girl until after her plan for Bella.” Alice believed Victoria was really only hungry for revenge, and this unknown girl wouldn’t be in danger until Victoria got what she wanted with her. However, Alice had no doubts that Victoria would be defeated before even having the chance to get to the girl.

“What’s her name?” Esme asked, “so we don’t have to keep calling her “the girl””

Edward shrugged, “I don’t know, actually.” He described her instead, “she’s short, black hair, tan skin and freckles” he recalled.

Carlisle nodded, the same description in his mind

Alice froze, and stared off into the distance, “It’s Victoria.”

Everyone stood alert. Alice was having a vision.

“What? What about her?” Jasper asked, his eyes not leaving hers.

“She’s in La Push” Alice sat, her eyes unmoving. Jasper handed her a pen as she sketched a store on one half of the paper writing “Minnie’s Stop” above it. Within a second, she moved her hand to the right, sketching out a house at the corner of a row of houses reading “Hilltop Rd”.

Edward’s brows knitted and shook his head slowly, “That’s not Bella’s street.”

“It has to be hers,” Esme said

Alice looked ahead incredulously, “she’s not going for Bella.” Alice snapped out of her vision, “If she was going for Bella, I would have seen something familiar.” This proved their theory wrong. She spared some time before getting to Bella. Why did she prioritize catching the unknown girl over avenging her mate?

The Cullens shared silent glances, knowing all too well that Victoria was hunting down the girl.

“She goes to La Push. We have to inform Sam.” Carlisle said sternly. He turned to Edward, “I understand you want to protect her from this world, but we can’t risk anything happening to her on their territory.”

Edward nodded and sighed. As opposed as he was to the idea, he knew Carlisle was right. He grabbed the keys off the table and bid his family goodnight, before leaving to spend the night at Bella’s

-

“You said she already knew who you were?” Bella asked concerned, a hand on his chest, her eyebrows together and eyes looking straight into his own

“Yeah,” he exhaled, “not just who but... what.”

Bella was confused, “how?”

“I wish I knew. She refuses to speak to me and guards her thoughts. Every time I try to read in, she stops saying things in her head,” he paused, “She knew I could read minds”

“Do you think there could be other... creatures besides your kind and Jacobs?” Bella asked, just above a whisper, “like— she could be a fairy or something,” she chuckled a bit, shaking her head at the idea.

“She was kind of short,” Edward shrugged and smiled at the memory of looking down at someone the size of a fifth grader.

“Get some sleep. We’re going to meet with Sam tomorrow and tell him everything. Alice saw Victoria hunting her down in La Push.” Edward advised and let her know their plans for tomorrow.

Bella nodded before snuggling closer to his chest and finally dozing off

———

WHOOP CH 4 IS HERE!!!

Let me know what you guys think!!

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Tags: @coffees-and-constellations @rosalies-hale @sunflowerspectre

[missblissy]

Title: Free Fall Fandom: Red Dead Redemption Genre: Reader-insert, one-shot  Character: Arthur X Reader

Follow me on AO3!! Read it there too!

Description:             You and Arthur go for a hunting trip into Big Valley but some trouble comes along for the ride too. Things don’t turn up as planned. At all..

It wasn’t all that bad this morning. The rain from the night before had finally started to dry, and everyone started to come out of hiding.

Hosea was already up long before you, sitting by the campfire of the Horseshoe Overlook camp. Pearson had just gotten up too along with Grimshaw. You walked over to Hosea and sat down beside him.

“Good morning,” He said, handing you a small cup of coffee he had waiting beside him.

“Morning,” Your voice was still a little rough, “Thanks,” You took the cup, bringing it right up to your nose and let the steam flow over your face. It was far more refreshing than the chilly wet morning.

You look at Hosea, he seemed worried like always. All this stress of moving and running from the law has turned his hair even whiter and put more wrinkles on his face. He wasn’t looking too good. Every morning though, at every camp, for the last several years, you’ve woken up to spend your morning coffee with the old man. He was the father you never got to have.

“Got any plans for today?” Hosea took a drink from his coffee then looked over to you.

“Mhm,” You weren’t much for words this early. You took a sip of the coffee and then shrugged, “I’m not sure yet... We just got here, it’s only been a couple of days. There is a lot of work to do around camp still.”

“Yes, there is,” He sounded tired, “Maybe you should go hunting. The weather is perfect,” All of a sudden there was a little twinkle shining in his eye, “Years ago...” He started his story with a little smile, “When I was out in this country with some old counterparts, we heard of this huge- I mean really huge buck, right in the heart of Big Valley.”

“Yeah? Did you go after it?” You sat up a little straighter trying to get the hunch out of your back. You saw Abigal and John already having some sort of argument.

Hosea laughed a little and shook his head, “Didn’t even see it. Spent a whole week out there. Not a single damn thing. Nothing. We had better luck hunting the flies that piled around our shit.”

You both laughed at that. Chuckling under your breath, you asked, “You think it’s still out there?”

“Maybe,” Hosea took a sip of his coffee, “I’m not entirely sure, but it’s possible it’s still out there,”

“What’s still out there?”

You nearly jumped out your skin and screamed like a little animal. Arthur was standing behind you two with a bowl of stew in his hands. He had the smallest smirk on his face. So small you could barely even see it. Your heart started to pick up and inside your head, you were spazzing out. But you calmed down from the surprise and cooly said, “Huge buck, up in Big Valley,”

“You don’t say?” Arthur looked interested. You tried your best not to look at him too much. Some days you just wanted to stare from dawn till dusk at that man. Rarely did you ever get the chance to. He was always off doing this and that, running around like a little pack mule for Dutch.

You looked between the two men, and listened as Hosea said, “Why don’t you two go hunting?” You didn’t say anything and just kept sipping at your coffee. Truth is... You and Arthur... Haven’t been getting along too well recently.

Since the whole Blackwater incident, since you saw Dutch... Do that.. do what he did to that girl, your faith in the gang, in Dutch, has been unshaken. Hosea was the only one you could stand to even be around because he was the only one here who knew any better than Dutch, but nobody listened to him much.

It was hard, having to see the small family you loved finally start falling apart. From the start, it had just been the five of you. Hosea, Dutch, Arthur, John and little you. You watched people come and go, many of them died, but it was always you guys.

The last time you spoke to Arthur though, was up in the mountains during the blizzard when he came back with Kieran. You fought over letting that poor guy go, but Arthur insisted on following Dutches orders, and you argued that Dutch wasn’t fit to lead this gang anymore. That was about a week ago. You haven’t spoken since.

There was silence for a bit, you didn’t want to answer or get your hopes up that Arthur would want to go on a hunting trip with you. You did miss him a lot. Arthur was by far one of your favorite people, probably the only person you’d die for. He was, to say the least, the man of your dreams. He was just so... wrapped around Dutch’s finger.

Finally, after a minute or two, Arthur said, “Sure,” and looked down at you. He trapped a finger on your head a few times, “You up for it?”

“Yeah, I suppose. A buck that big could feed the camp for a week,” You were actually very excited to go. It was so hard to keep all those emotions inside and keep your cool and laid back facade.

The three of your got up and started walking through camp. Hosea spoke up and walked between you and Arthur, “Excellent!” He seemed so happy to have the both of you -sort of- talking again, “You’ll need some supplies and I’ll let Dutch know you’ll be out,” Hosea handed you a small bag filled with who knows what he meant by ‘supplies.’

He rushed you off and left with a smile and a wave about how he was going to go read some book. The silence returned between you and Arthur and you felt the need to fill it.

You climbed up on your horse and got comfortable in your saddle, “You know which way we’re headed?” Arthur just let out a little grunt. That meant yes, “Take the lead then.” You said.

The ride, for the most part, was silent and little slow paced. You watched Arthur up front as he took his time to look at the world around him. He seemed just as tired as Hosea. You wanted to fill the void with between you and Arthur so you caught up and rode beside him.

The sun had just barely made it over the hills, the sky was a painting of red, pink, blue, orange and purple. It was beautiful. So you chose that to be the topic of your small talk, “A perfect sunrise, don’t you think?”

“It is,” He agreed, “Aren’t they your favorite?”

“Yeah, it is.” You felt a little smile twitch at your lips. He remembered... It made your heart swell in your chest and your brain scream. It was so difficult being around Arthur now. Since your fight with him, things have changed in a way you didn't think possible. The fight... you both said something that hurt and shouldn't have been said.

The real problem was the denial you were in about how you felt about Arthur. You loved him, honestly, that's what it was. You loved him more and more and every day you shoved those feelings down and told yourself I'm not good enough for him. He's had so many heartbreaks. He's not looking for love. While at the same time you also told yourself he didn't want someone like you. Someone stubborn, someone temperamental and someone who he probably saw more of as an annoying sibling and less of a romantic interest. You know what he wanted. He wanted Mary.

There was silence again. It was awful. It never bothered you until the fight. You use to sit with Arthur for hours on end, never speaking a word, just reading a book while he wilted a stick with his knife. You had to fill the silence, you wanted to talk to him. You wanted him to talk to you.

The sun was well and high into the sky now. You cleared your throat and said, "Do... You remember..." You paused to see if he was listening. You could tell he was because you saw the side of his face and ear facing you, "You remember that time when we were really young, and Hosea was teaching us how to hunt with a bow?"

"Oh yeah, I couldn't shoot an arrow worth nothin," There was a little smile on his face. You rode your horse up to match his speed.

There was a grin on your face and gave him a look, "But I could! I remember the look on Dutch and Hosea's face when I got a bullseye on my first try!"

You both chuckled, while Arthur said, "And John was being a little shit because he couldn't figure out how the hell to shoot an arrow," You remember that day fondly. 

"Dutch was so proud of us. He couldn't shut up about how his three kids were learning to hunt and shoot.... and kill," You said that last part with a little bit of regret. You've come to blame Dutch for making you the person you were. But you kept that part to yourself.

"He was. Hosea too," Arthur carried the conversation on, "They share whiskey with us for the first time too, didn't they?"

"Ha, they did!"

As the day went on and you rode on, you and Arthur shared memories of better times. Talking about the old days made you nostalgic in a bad way. It made you realize how much has changed, how much the world was changing. How much you wanted to go back in time and live there forever. Eventually, the ride came turned from open fields to trees and mountain paths. When you finally go to Big Valley you were greeted with huge meadows filled with flowers of all kinds. It was so amazing and beautiful as the flowers made waves of there own in the wind. It was like watching the water on a beach.

You chose a spot to make camp past the open fields and more into the trees. While you hitched the horses and took care of them, you watched from the corner of your eye as Arthur rolled some logs over and made a little fire pit. He was busy, so you tried to leave him be. You didn't want to force him to deal with you. While he was doing that, you started going through the bag of 'supplies' that Hosea gave you.

Sitting down on one of the logs, you until the little string holding the bag closed. You find some pretty basic things. Berries, oats, bait, can of coffee, some cans of beans... And.. Did...? Was that? Moonshine?

Really now? "That god damn bastard," You smile and mutter those words under your breath as you pull out not one, but two big bottles of moonshine.

You looked around for Arthur, wanting to tell him about this little surprise, and you find him a few feet away chopping logs in half. By... God. That was a sight to see. There he was, Arthur Morgan, in the afternoon sun. Sweating. Showing off his arms with his sleeves rolled up like that. You quickly looked away. There those feelings were again. Strong and loud. Your heart raced and you shook your head to push those thoughts away. Instead, you stared at your hands and thought... Just once you thought, what if... Arthur loved you back. It made your face heat up, it made your palms sweaty. You thought and thought and started to get scared because you knew you were only going to hurt yourself if you actually kept feeling those feelings.

"(Y/N)!"

"Huh!?" You sat up straight and looked up. Arthur was standing right in front of you, he must have been talking to you. Oh no... "What?"

"I said... What you got there?" You looked down at the moonshine he was pointing at.

"Oh... uh," You were still a little flustered from before and your brain was having a hard time catching up, "Um," You handed him one of the bottles, "Hosea must have packed it to celebrate maybe?"

Arthur cracked it open and sat down beside you on the log. You were so lost in your thoughts earlier that you didn't even notice that he had set up a tent and even got the fire going. You were surprised when Arthur started during the moonshine. He took a long swig and cringe as the alcohol burned down his throat.

When he handed the bottle to you, you asked, "Don't want to save it? You.. know... for later? After we get the buck?" He shook his head, "Why not?"

"We'll get the buck tomorrow," He said as you took a little sip of the moonshine. You waited for him to explain a little more but he never said anything.

“So..? Why did you come out here then?” You stared down at your fingers as you twisted them together. You set the moonshine down between the both of you.

Arthur just let out a little grunt and nodded his head side to side slowly, “I needed a break. From all of that.” He waved his hand in the air like you knew what he was trying to say.

It took you a few seconds but then you suddenly got, “You mean the camp?”

“Mhm,” Arthur was back to drinking more of the booze, “Everyone has been getting on my nerves lately, it’s ridiculous. I can’t stand those idiots.” He made a face that reminded you of just how much Arthur enjoys his silence and isolation from the vast majority of the world. He was a loner and a stubborn one too.

“Oh…” You said as he offered the moonshine to you and you turned it down, “Well I can…Leave.”

“Nah,” He drawled out, “I can stand you. It’s Micah… Bill. Uncle. A little bit of John too,” He paused then put the moonshine back and his face grew dark, “And Dutch.” You felt something in the air that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. You arm hairs stood up and you got a chill that ran over your skin. Arthur hunched forward resting his elbows on his knees and looked down at the ground. His hat was covering face for the most part.

He started to talk, but he got stuck on the words, “I… I know…” He stopped and cursed under his breath, “I know what you saw back in Blackwater changed you,” You didn’t really want to have this conversation right now. It bothered you that he was bringing this up again, “I know you’re not happy with the gang right now,” He took a breath and let out a heavy sigh that carried more weight than you could ever know, “And… I don’t blame you…”

His words surprised you. This was far different from the Arthur you argued with a week ago. He didn’t want to listen to you or even consider what happened in Blackwater. He blindly looked to Dutch and didn’t question his actions. Now it looks like Arthur was confused, even hurt a little.

“I’ve heard around from other people about what he did and I-” Arthurs words were cut off by the sound of gunfire incredibly close to your campsite. The both of you looked around quickly and into the trees. The evening sun painted the sky orange and white, making it a little harder to see if anyone was coming from the tree line.

The gunshots got closer and closer still and you could faintly hear shouting too. Arthur tapped your shoulder and pointed to the little creek down the hill, “Look,” You both found some cover behind a large boulder, “Someone’s being chased,”

You saw a man running for his life. He looked beat up, bloody and broken. He was screaming and stumbling every step he took. Following him close behind were a group of men on horseback.

“O’driscolls,” You muttered with malice in your voice, “Why are the O’driscolls up here too? How many of those bastards are there?”

“I don’t know, but it looks like they’re headed this way,” They killed the man they were chasing and started looting his body. You saw one of the men point in your direction. The fire! It was leaving a smoke trail for them to follow up and find you.

You looked at Arthur and he looked back to you. You shared some unspoken words and a simple nod. He ran left into the cover of some bushes and you went right and found a tree to hide behind. You pulled your revolver out and gripped the gun tight.

As the O’driscalls got closer you could hear them speaking.

“Ya think they still here?”

“They couldn’t have gotten too far,”

You peeked out and saw four men. They had walked past the bushes Arthur had hid himself in and closer to the tree you were at. The tallest O’driscoll said something about your horses and got yelled out, “We know ya still here! Come on out now or will kill ya nice and slow!”

This was it. You took a breath and calmed yourself down. You’ve done this before. No need to get nervous now. It’s just some O’driscolls, they’re nothing.

You walked out from behind your tree with your hands in the air, “I’m out!” You yelled at them. You took them by surprise and they all pointed their guns at you, “I’m out! I came out!” You slowly lowered your revolver down, “I don’t want any trouble now,”

“Well you got some trouble,” An ugly looking man pointed from you to your horses, “What about your friend? We know there are two of ya,”

“He’s hunting,” You lied coolly. Your revolver was still being lowered, “It’s just me. Take what you want,” The O’driscolls started lowering their guns too and walking closer towards you and your camp. As soon as your gun was by your side was when Arthur jumped from the bushes and gunfire cut the silence of the valley and gunsmoke filled the air.

It was an all out shoot out. You dove to the ground and took cover behind your tree while two of the O’driscolls ran off and the other two went for you. You shot at them, filling them with bullets, hoping they die slowly. Arthur had gone after the other two men while you shot down and killed the taller O’driscoll. The other one, the ugly one, was bleeding out but still hiding behind a log. He took random shots and one hit you and grazed right through your arm. You shouted out in pain and swore. You could see Arthur a few feet away beating the shit out of one of the men. He must have killed the other one.   

“Fuck! Argh!” It felt worse than it looked. There was a clean cut on your shoulder that already started to bleed, but other than that you were fine. You took a stupid risk, filled with rage and pissed out of your mind that this bastard actually nipped you, you ran out from behind your tree and straight for the O’driscoll. He didn’t even see you coming, he was busy shaking and trying to reload his gun. When he saw you, the look on his face was fear and he was crying. He started to plead with you, saying he didn’t want to do this and that hated his life as an outlaw. He even threw his gun to the side and put his hands up in the air.

Arthur had come running in and out of breath with his gun pointed at the little sad ugly man, “You gonna kill em?” He asked.

“Please! Please don’t kill me! I-I-I have… money! T-take it!” He tossed a few dollar bills onto the ground in front of your feet. You stared him down, getting closer. He was shaking like a leaf, “Look-look! You already shot me!” he did have a few bullet holes in his legs. One in his thigh and one below his knee.

“Looks like you’re already dead, don’t you think, Arthur?” You looked over to the stern man and he nodded his head.

“I’d reckon we should put him out of his misery,”

“N-no! No! Please! I-I-I-” The O’driscoll’s pleas were cut short. You shot him square between the eyes. You didn’t want to listen to him beg anymore and you’d rather get back to your campsite.

You reached down and hooked your arms under the dead man and started dragging him away, “Wanna help me get rid of the- Urgh! Shit!” You forgot you were shot and when you tried to lift the dead man your arm screamed out in hot pain.

Arthur came over and shuffled you away, “Go sit by the fire. I’ll take care of this,”

“No- I’m fine-” You tried picking up the body again but it hurt, even more, this time and it cause you to drop the body and fall with it too.

“Goddammit- Will you listen to me? You got shot for Christ's sake (Y/N)!” Arthur grabbed you by your good arm and helped you up. This was the first time you saw his face. He looked… worried? Upset? It was a mixture of many things but what stood out the most was how his brows were raised and knitted together and a sad little grimace was on his face. It was like he was the one in pain.

“I’ve been shot before,” You winced as he pulled you to your feet, “I’m fine, Arthur. It’s just a nip,” You looked to your shoulder and saw the blood stain soaking your shirt. It looked like you were still bleeding. Your sleeve was torn by the bullet so you pulled it back and gave the wound a real look. It didn’t seem that bad, just a medium-sized gash across your shoulder.

“Just go sit down, okay?”

You didn’t put up a fight anymore. You went to the campfire and sat down on a log. That moonshine looked really good right about now. You took your time swigging down have the bottle before Arthur came back. He sat down beside you an asked, “Can I see?” and gestured to your shoulder.

You nodded. He hesitated and his hand hovered over your shoulder like he was afraid of hurting you. He peeled back the clothes and started cutting the extras bits away. Arthur then reached into his satchel and pulled out some bandages.

The moonshine had started getting to your head so you found it a little funny, “You got everything in there, huh? Got any candy?”

He didn’t say anything but he went back into his satchel and gave you a chocolate bar. You burst out laughing, a little drunk, you found this absolutely hilarious. He gave you this look and raised a brow, “What on earth has gotten into you? And sit still dammit! I can’t fix you up if you keep moving,”

So you sat there drinking moonshine and chewing on some chocolate as Arthur took care of you. All those feelings you’ve been repressing started to come up again. You felt bad, guilty too. You easily feel down the trap that is the negative thoughts that can come with drinking. Arthur was almost done wrapping your shoulder when you made this sad little face.

“Arthur?” You were thinking about what he was saying earlier before the O’driscolls showed up.

“Yeah?” He didn’t look away from your arm, which was okay because you didn’t want him to catch you staring at him.

“I’m sorry…”

“Sorry?” He stopped and looked at you, to which you darted your gaze away and to the ground, “For what?”

“I’m sorry for what I said. About Dutch… and you…” You could still feel the venom and hate that you spat at him back then. You told him how Dutch was just... Not the same person anymore and how you wanted to leave the gang. That Dutch was going crazy with money and obsessed over power. You told Arthur he was a blind coward that couldn’t think for himself and depended on Dutch to keep him from becoming a sad and depressed old bag of useless shit… Just like his real father.

    You waited for him to say something, but he was silent. So you rushed to talk again, “I-I… I shouldn’t have said those things. And-... We didn’t talk for a whole week. I missed you so much, Arthur. It was just a week and I felt like I lost you forever. We’re different.”

    He finished bandaging your arm. He still stayed there sitting right beside you. You’re legs where touching and you stared at them as he started to speak, “Well,” he rubbed his chin, “I didn’t say anything nice either. I just really remember you saying you wanted to leave. I didn’t really get why. I didn’t see what Dutch did on that ferry but you did. And I was talking to Hosea, and John and everyone else. They all said things,” He paused and then shook his head, “I get it a little more now. You saw Dutch do something he said he’d never do. You saw the way he exploded and killed that woman. But I can’t have you leaving me just cause something bad happens.”

    You’re eyes shot wide open and you looked up at Arthur, “...Me?”

“I-... I mean the gang. Can’t have you leaving the gang,” He looked down at the bottle of moonshine and snatched it up from you with a grumpy looking frown on his face, “Gimme some of that.”

“You said! Me! You said ‘I can’t have you leaving me.’ That’s what you said!!” Your drunk little brain was going wild. Normally you’d sit there and keep your cool but thanks to the booze that wasn’t going to happen.

“Alright!” Arthur snapped, “I said it! So what?”

You stole the moonshine back from him to drink some more and get up to your feet, “It means you want me around!” You smiled. You felt so much better hearing that. You were so afraid before that he’d never want to be around you again.

“I guess it does,” He had a small smile twitching on his lips, “I do want you around (Y/N). You’ve been around me almost all my life, it’d be… weird if you weren’t there.”

The first bottle of moonshine was already empty, “I want you around too. I love having you around,” You felt yourself getting a little dizzy so you sat down again. Your filter wasn’t on either, the words just puked out of your mouth like it was nothing, “I love everything about you, Arthur. I never want you to leave you or leave you behind,” You said it so casually but it took Arthur by surprise.

He was looking at with question in his eyes, “What's wrong?” You asked, “Do I got something on my face?” You started rubbing the back of your hand across your mouth and cheek.

That weird look on Arthur’s face was replaced with a warm smile, then a little chuckle, then a laugh, then huge fits of loud and booming giggles. He was laughing so much that you couldn’t help but laugh at yourself. What was so funny?

Arthur cracked open the second moonshine bottle and took a large swig, “Goddammit, (Y/N). You make it so hard,” He said between sips of the bottle, “You are one of the only good things to ever happen to me and you make it so hard for me to stay away from you,” He took another sip, “I was mad. I was mad as hell about what you said last week. I wanted to stay mad at you forever. I stayed away. I did. It didn’t work. Every morning you came out of your tent all sad and heartbroken. It hurt seeing you like that. I saw you slouch around with Hosea, hiding behind him like some kid when your just as old as me,” Arthur chuckled and it made your heart skip, “But today I saw you… You didn’t look sad anymore. Just tried. Empty. I didn’t want to do that to you. I still don’t think you should leave. I don’t want you to leave. But I see it… I see that you aren’t happy here with us anymore.”

You were too drunk to really say anything meaningful. You did something bold and leaned onto Arthur and put your head on his shoulder. You weren’t one for touching others or being touched, but the moonshine was helping you do just the opposite, “I’m happy,” You mumbled, “I’m happy when I’m with you.” You could feel Arthur stiffen up at your touch and his breath hitched as you talked, “You take care good care of me. I wish we could have our own lives though,”

“How so?” He asked hesitantly.

“You know…” You were looking at the fire flicker and flash as it burned away the logs, “Just us. Our own people. We’d be normal. We’d have land, a home… maybe a dog.” Your repressed feelings and dreams started swelling up into your throat and spilling out, “Or we’d run away and go to California. Live in those red wood forests with the big trees were no one could ever find us. We don’t rob people, we don’t steal or kill. We don’t go looking for trouble and trouble doesn’t find us.”

“I wish you told me this sooner,” He sounded solemn, upset. You started to panic and look over at Arthur. Did you share too much? Did you just out your real feelings to him? Shit! Stupid! Stop drinking! This is why you don’t drink ever, not never, because you won’t shut up. You swore off the moonshine, cursing it for being a potent truth potion.

“I-I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that!” You hid your face behind your hands and felt the crazy blush take over. You suddenly felt a tight grip around both of your wrist and calloused hands pull them down and away from your face.

When you looked up, Arthur was right in front of you, face to face with a serious looking expression. You blushed even more and felt the need to jump away, he’s never been this close to your face before.

“Say it again,” He said. You were confused and you gaze flickered back and forth between him and that duck shaped cloud in the evening sunset, “Say how much you want me around. Say how much you want to run away with me.”

You finally looked at him and met his gaze. His eyes were locked hard onto you, searching and digging right into you. You cleared your throat and nervously said, “I… I want you around all the time. Forever. I’ve wanted to run away with you since we were kids.”

It happened so fast that you didn’t even register what was going on until it was almost over. Arthur had close the space between you both by bringing you to him and kissing you. Your heart was pounding so hard that you felt your skull throbbing. He pulled away before you even return the kiss, but there were only inches between you two.

“I’m sorry,” He started to back away, “I should have asked- I’ve.. it’s… too much moonshine-” But you grabbed him tight and pulled him back to face you.

“Do it again,” You said, just like he asked to say it again, you wanted him to do it. Not a second was wasted, Arthur scooted closer and closer until the two of you were pressed together and lip locked in a kiss that had been going on for about a minute now. He tasted like cigarettes and moonshine, not that that was a bad thing. It was almost comforting.

You were stuck together until you both needed to breathe again. Arthur had a big cheeky grin on his face, it was beyond adorable, “I’ve waited some many god damn years for that,” He confessed.

You matched his smile, though a little shyer, “Me too” you admitted, “What are we going to do for the rest of the night?” The sun had started to set a long time ago and the sky was growing darker and darker by the minute.

Arthur grabbed the moonshine again and grinned a little, “Finish this, first of all,” You made a little giggle at that. He then lifted up his arm and gave a little wave of his hand. You slid over and got comfortable so close to him as he wrapped his arm behind you, “Then, after that, we’ll see what happens,” You just couldn’t stop those smiles and giggles. He always brought out the good in you. It felt nice to finally be this close to him. To have those feelings be returned meant the world to you, it meant everything. You didn’t even plan on this happening and yet it did. Arthur would press kisses to your cheek and pull you over to steal even more. He was so starved of attention that he took it whenever he wanted. The two of you enjoyed the rest of the night by the campfire, laughing and drinking and starting a new chapter in your lives.

[theclaireflanagan]

We Went For A Ride|| CLAIRUS

WHO: Claire Flanagan & Cyrus Hayward

WHEN: Monday, April 23rd

WHERE: Lima Streets and Local Park

DETAILS: Claire asks Cyrus if he wants to go on a drive to help get her mind of things. Ends up she has to face what she was trying to escape.

TRIGGERS/WARNINGS: None

Cyrus

Cyrus threw on a hoodie as he slipped on his shoes. He wondered what was going on with Claire, but he figured he would find out once he was downstairs. He closed the door behind him after making sure he had his keys and jogged over to Claire's house, which luckily enough was across from his house. "Hey shorty." He called out when he saw her.

Claire

Claire didn't know what was coming over her, the girl who normally tried her best to ignore emotions seemed to be running into them left and right this last week or so. The emotions and confusion with Sam and trying to be on good terms with him again and then after what happened with Cyrus just didn't help it. But still after everything the person she wanted to see was Cyrus, glad that he said yes to going on a drive with her. For the first time since she got home from school a smirk grew on her lips at Cryrus's nickname, "You know you are the only one who can get away with calling me that? But hey you. Thanks for making time out of your busy schedule for me." She said teasingly, getting in the car adjusting her leather jacket when the cold air hit her.

Cyrus

"Well, I do call other girls that, not just you. So don't get comfortable with it." Cyrus pointed out as he looked at her and nodded as he slipped into the passenger seat. "You're welcome, kinda need a break from homework  and looking at colleges anyway." He put his seatbelt on, started to flip through her CDs. "Let's see what kind of music you have now."

Claire

"You think I get comfortable with anything? Where is the fun in that?" Claire said as she started the car once they both got settled. "Yeah? Well I am glad it all worked out. Homework is bearable but all this college stuff is something else." She glanced over at him before focusing her eyes back on the dark roads of Lima she knew like the back of her hand. "I would like to hope I have some good variety in there. Ever since I got my job I made sure to add to the collection."

Cyrus

Cyrus shrugged a bit as he continued to flip through her CDs and nodded as he glanced over at her before he glanced ahead. "I want to make sure I don't miss out on the chances of scholarships." He replied, settled on a random CD and pop it in. "Good because I don't know which CD I just picked." He laughed as he placed the case in the back.

Claire

"You won't miss out, Cyrus. If there is anyone who can get a scholarship and get out of here, its you. No matter what you end up deciding to go to school for." Claire pressed play when he finally chose the CD, and shook her head. "Well I would hope so considering you helped me build up most of this collection." Finally the music filled the car and they were on a more open road, she let out a sigh of relief. "So what schools are you looking at?" She asked trying to distract herself from the other things running through her mind.

Cyrus

Cyrus shook his head as he relaxed against the seat and scratched his neck. "I actually didn't." He replied as he gave her knowing look and looked back ahead. He slipped his hands into his hoodie pocket and shook his head. "Nope, Im not gonna be talking about schools with you. I've already had an earful from my dad this afternoon." He glanced out the window and let out a breath.April 25, 2018

Claire

Claire lifted her fingers off from the wheel like a surrender, "No school it is, this drive is suppose to take our mind off things so nothing like that will be allowed. But just know if you need to get away from them for a bit you can come to my place. My dad said it is okay for you to stay over."  She laid the offer out but soon changed the topic knowing that he didn't want to talk about it. "Well we can talk about how I think after this summer I may finally have enough money saved to go on a roadtrip this summer and bring some friends."

Cyrus

Cyrus nodded as he listened to her and looked at her. "Tell your dad thank you, really." He replied before he relaxed a bit more in his seat. "Oh yeah? Where to?"

Claire

"I will, but it is no problem. If anything he is glad that I would have some company while he is gone. It isn't easy for him to have a job where he travels so much." Claire glanced over at him smiling softly when she saw him relax. "I am not too sure yet.  I am thinking of making my way to California or Florida. See if I can go when any festivals are going on."

Cyrus

"Yeah, I understand that. Maybe I'll crash at your place tonight." Cyrus replied as he looked over at her and looked back ahead as he scratched his eyebrow. "Ahhh I see. Well, if anything make sure that you get me something from there."

Claire

"Feel free to, it would be nice to have someone around. You can stay in the guest room or in the living room if you want..." Claire shook her head as she took a turn after waiting at a red light, "Oh no no, I won't be bringing you anything back because I would want you to come with me. I know how much you like to travel and you are one of the only people I think I could stay in a car with for a long period of time."

Cyrus

"Alright." Cyrus repiled before she spoke again and looked back at her. "Havent been traveling all that much though and Im sure your cousin can say something different. I'll think about it, promise."

Claire

Claire met his eyes for a moment and smiled, glad that he would accept the offer of staying over if he wanted to. No matter what happened on Saturday he was still her best friend and someone she cared a lot about. "Good I would hope that you would. The most I have done is coming here from Ireland but other than that I have been a few places. But I would like to be able to see more of it with you." Her eyes glancing over at him then back on the road, "You know a best friend is always a good person to travel with." She said hoping to clear up any tension that may be still around since Saturday.

Cyrus

Cyrus rose an eyebrow when she said that she would like to see more of it with him and he adjusted a bit in his seat. "Yeah, but maybe Sam can go with you instead? I mean, its always the best to go with him?" He suggested as he looked at her and looked back at the road. "I know, but best friends arent supposed to kiss but we did."

Claire

Claire sighed lightly her fingers tapping on the wheel, her body falling slightly when he brought Sam up. The problems that she was trying to escape from starting to come up again. "Cy, Sam is great and a nice guy. But he isn't the best friend who has known me forever." She met his eyes when she glanced over at him, running a hand through her hair at what he said. "I know...but after all that has happened with you and then with him who did I want to see tonight? Who did I know I wanted to spend time with?" It may be pushing things but she needed him to know how much she really valued him and their friendship.

Cyrus

Cyrus opened up his mouth but closed it as he bit down on his cheek and glanced outside. "Maybe it would be a good thing we can continue this conversation when we're parked somewhere because I dont wanna cause an accident." He said softly.

Claire

Claire nodded and tried her best to stay focused and find a spot for them. “Yeah...that may be a good idea.” Her voice getting softer then its normal confident tone. That is when she found the park they use to walk to when they were kids and she pulled into a spot. She put her car into park and then took a second to just stare at the wheel. Wanting to build back her confident posture and tone, but finding it hard to do so.

Cyrus

Cyrus unbuckled his seatbelt, gotten out of the car and headed towards the park. He climbed on a picnic table, pushed up his hoodie sleeves and tried to think where all of this was coming from. It was unusual for him to have an attitude towards Claire but maybe it was the fact that things were changing and he didn't accept them. He pulled out his phone, texted one of the guys from the garage about covering their shift and put it back in his pocket as he waited for her to come out of the car.

Claire

Claire watched was finally able to turn and watch him as he got out of the car. After taking a moment she shut off the car and made her way to the bench, sticking her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket. She took a seat on the bench and then looked at him. Trying to search his  face for an answer of what he was wanting to say, not being able to help but be worried when he said he thinks they should be parked to talk. Finally she brought her hands out and started to fiddle with the material of her jacket as habit, "I'm sorry if I overstepped or anything...I just felt like that needed to be said." She said lightly her eyes going back to him.

Cyrus

"What needed to be said?" Cyrus asked softly as he kept looking forward. "The fact that you want to travel the world with me or the whole who I wanted to see tonight and who you wanted to see tonight? Or the college thing?" He glanced over at her briefly with an eyebrow raised.

Claire

"I guess everything..." She said looking down after he glanced at her. "I mean apart from the college stuff that was just small talk." Claire paused before she continued speaking, "But everything else, yes. And it is all true and I thought you should know that. That even after what happened on Saturday I still want you around and nothing could change that."

Cyrus

Cyrus slowly nodded as she spoke and let out a breath. "I think, with everything. We should take some time and think about what happened. I mean, to me, I need some time to get used to things on how they are now before we hang out more." He replied as he wiped his hands against his shorts. "Its happening kinda fast to me and I just need to process things." He stopped for a minute before he looked at her. "That's not why you invite me out for a ride with you, is it?"

Claire

Claire looked up at him, "I know, I understand that. I mean me too, it is a lot. Something I know we both weren't ready to have to deal with." Kind of glad that she wasn't the only one feeling like this was a whole new thing she had to try to understand. "I guess I am just so use to us always hanging out, that I didn't even think of it before asking you." She met his eyes when he looked at her. "No...no I didn't have any intentions or plan for this to be brought up. I just wanted company to clear my mind and you were the first person I thought of."

Cyrus

Cyrus listened to her, slipped his hands into his pockets and nodded. "Yeah." He replied before he let her talk once he looked away. "Why do you need your head clear? Did something happened?"

Claire

Claire looked back down at her hands before turning around to lean against the table part of the bench. "Nothing too crazy. I just needed to get away from social media, I guess. I am letting things get to me that shouldn't get to me." Her eyes watched the wind blow the trees and tried to focus on that. "And I just need to get back into my normal headset of being in my own world, I think I am just opening myself up too much again. And that never ends well."April 26, 2018

Cyrus

"Like what?" Cyrus asked as he watched her and then looked at the trees before he looked back at her. "No, but at least you're aware of what's going on instead of letting it go on for a while. I mean, opening up isn't always bad you know." He looked back ahead and chewed on his cheek once more. "Its about Sam, isn't it?"

Claire

"I know it isn't...always a bad thing. But it is just getting harder to separate who I can and can't do that with. I am just getting reminded how quickly anything and anyone can be taken away from me. And realizing that I may be the main problem in all of those circumstances, like I am the common denominator." Finally Claire took a breath after she got it out off her chest then leaned forward letting her head rest in her hands. "God I sounds so damn pathetic." She just shook her head at what he said, "I mean yeah he is part of it, but it is just opening my eyes to more things I could lose. And I don't know what to do about it."

Cyrus

Cyrus listened to her ramble, letting her talk and sat there, taking things in before he saw her rest her head in her hands. "Naw not really." He leaned back onto the table as he glanced down at her and rested on his elbows. "Its apart of life, we lose people, people change, people grow apart. There's nothing in our power to stop it from happening. We're only teenagers who are struggling to figure out who we are in life. You can't keep on shutting people out, Claire or stop yourself from opening from people." He paused a bit. "Ima ask you a question and I want you to answer honestly, are you still in love with him? Did something happened between you two at prom?"

Claire

Claire listened to him and took his words in, knowing he was right, he always was. Especially when it came to how she would respond to people and accept them or push them away. She was ready to respond to him when all of a sudden he brought up Sam. This caused her to open her mouth then pause for a moment before continuing. "I...I did love him. I loved the times we spent together. But that is all in the past and it must be for a reason right? If things were meant to work out they would have." She paused again before continuing. "So currently do I love him? No I just miss the past I guess." Claire sat back up thinking about prom, "No nothing happened, we shared a dance and he went back to enjoying the rest of the night with his date. And I think that was probably for the best."

Cyrus

Cyrus paused for a bit, to let the information sink in and turned his body towards her. "Why's that? Is it because something happened between the two of you at some point? I mean, I saw you two talking and I saw the Instagram picture that Julia posted of Sam, then you texted me about coming with you to clear your head. Its understandable that you have feelings for him and its okay." He paused a bit and licked his lips. "You're not going to like what Im going to say, but I gotta say it. Maybe there's a part of you who misses being with him and still loves him and thats what you're scared of. You dont want to accept that reality."

Claire

Claire took a breath, "Well yes something happened before prom, I opened up and told him how sorry I was for everything after going out with Jesse. I drank too much and he came to get me. We kissed but that is it, we both knew that we weren't thinking."  Another breath leaving her lips after she confessed her actions from that evening. She still wasn't able to met his eyes when he turned towards her, especially at what he said next. "I don't like it...thats true and I thought of the same thing. Thought that I would have to be able to accept that. But...if I really cared about him  and missed him..." Claire paused not knowing how she should say what she was going to say next. "I just don't think I would have ended up at your door the other night and let the night go where it went. I would have tried to confront him and tell him how I feel. But I didn't...I wanted him to enjoy himself and be happy."

Cyrus

Cyrus looked at her as she spoke and swallowed as he glanced down at his shoes before he glanced at her. He let silence fall in between them, scratched the back of his head. "Wow." He said softly after a while. "I think you need to confront him about everything, because you need to tell him what you told me and I think that we need to push pause on whatever we're doing. It would be for the best, really. 'Cause its not fair to me, its not fair for you, as of right now while you're dealing with the situation between Sam & you."(edited)

Claire

Claire knew what kind of information she dropped between the two of them but it was bound to come out at some point. It had to come out for her sanity at this point. She knew it would take a moment for him to respond but it was like a breathe of relief left her when he finally said something. All she could manage at the moment was to nod at him knowing he was right. But soon she was finally able to muster up words for him, "You make it all sound so easy, Cy...." She ran her finger through her hair again, moving it all to one side. "But you are right, right about everything. Like you always are somehow." She glanced over at him sighing softly. "Can I just say I am sorry about all of this? I didn't mean to make things more confusing. Even though I do a good job at it."

Cyrus

Cyrus just shrugged at her words, not having anything to say at the moment. "Its cool and it happens, its ok." He replied as he looked around and not at her, knowing that he felt hurt but knew it was coming eventually. "I knew it was going to happen, hence why Ive been distancing myself from you on top of being busy. Im glad that you told me though before we actually continued to figure out what the hell is going on between us or it would've hurt a lot worse."

Claire

"Hurt?" Claire said feeling her heart fall for a moment before looking back off at the park in front of him. "I never meant for that to happen. You are the last person I wanted to make feel that way."  She played with her hands for a moment before taking her keys out of her pocket. "But that is why you are right, we need to figure things out. And I need to fix my problems. I can't put them on other people. That isn't fair." Taking a breath before putting her confident face on and standing up. "I'll take you back to your place, I troubled you enough for one night..."

Cyrus

Cyrus looked at her. "It kinda hurts but Im glad that you told me about Sam & you. Really." He said before he shrugged. "It happens, its out of our control, really." He nodded as he agreed with her. "Make sure you're doing it for you, not for anyone else and we gotta figure things out on our own and exactly, its not." He watched her stand up and jumped down from the bench. "Alright." He brushed off any piece of wood that gotten on him and headed towards her car.

Claire

Claire nodded,  "I know and maybe that is what I need more than anything, just to spend time with myself and figure out what I need and want.  As long as you know that I didn't mean for this all to happen." She let her arms cross over her chest as they headed to the car, keeping her eyes ahead. "I will, I need to at this point I am done feeling this all the time. So confused." When she reached the car she got in and waited for Cyrus to get in for her to start the car.

Cyrus

"I know you didnt." Cyrus replied as he rubbed her back in a comforting manner and gave her a small smile. He pulled his head up, slid his hands into his pockets and slipped into the car. He leaned over and gave her a hug. "Its gonna be okay."

Claire

Claire finally felt a small smile grow on her lips when he rubbed her back. She glanced over at him, and met his eyes for a moment. She really wondered what she did to have such a helpful person like Cyrus in her life. Her body relaxed in his touch when he hugged her, she moved to hug him back. Taking a breath to hopefully compose herself and her thoughts. “Thank you, so much.”

Cyrus

Cyrus nodded. "No problem." He replied as he rubbed her back before he broke the hug between them shortly after.

Claire

Claire hoped he knew she meant thank you in more ways than one. Thank you for helping her open her eyes, for being there for her, and being open mind. And on top of all of this still being able to comfort her and tell her it will be okay. When they parted she smiled softly at him, even though her eyes were tired from lifting everything off her shoulders for him. She finally put the car in drive, “Let’s get home, we should at least try and get some rest for school tomorrow.”

Cyrus

Cyrus nodded as he agreed. He knew that this was the right thing to do and he wanted her to be happy, he wanted everyone to be happy. "Yeah, we should." He agreed, trying to figure out what was going to happen next but all he had to do is trust he would. He buckled up, relaxed against the seat

[thyrideneverends]

(2017)

Escritos que encontre del año 2017 . Y conversaciones conmigo desde el año 2020 ([]).

____________________________ AAAHGH IM SO FUCKING SAD. I cant help but feel that im rotting. I dont want pity; people helping; people empathizing. FUCK YOU. I can do better than you. I DO. In fact. I havent been blinded, and hate everything around me as an excuse for giving my life away for what it was supposed to be. [this could be missunderstod since i was clearly angry 4 something i dont recall, I was refering to people in general, how they put themselves above the others, how they always wanna get "there" first, how they talk trash about their relationships, the anger, the hate that breeds out of them when they are wronged(even if there`s no purpose or whatsoever to cause them, specifically, any troubles), the screaming, the violence, that kind of hate..]

I dont want to just 'be happy' because I have to; so I reject happiness. But I want to feel it like something real and not made up.. does that makes sense? Thats a paradox i cant escape lately. [thats deep man, fortunately we figured that out. Have we figured that out? Happiness now is closed for manteinance ^-^ ]

I cant find pleasure in anything.. I destroyed everything..[you had to start somewhere, right?] I cant find meaning in anything.

I just need someone, i just need not to be alone. But I am; Even surrounded by everyone. I know I am. I know you are too.. I hope you are strong enough to endure it.

[hablabas de otro tipo de soledad, lo se, pero vos todavia no lo sabias, o si?]

_______________________

Sometimes I feel like I forgot an important part of being alive. I remember a different version of myself from a few years back. I feel like I'm just existing; nothing pushes my happy button. And when I'm not strong enough to think that it's fine; that I don't need that.. I will just panic questioning myself why, the reason for me not belonging. I know it's fine; I know I can just spend the rest of my..50years left? just doing this; living this eternal circling hell. You might say it's a choice.. That I don't put that much effort into it. That I'm just playing this part. Complaining my ass off. And to that.. I can only say I'm sorry.. I'm doing the best I can. [I know you were.. truly; and u did a great job never letting me down] _________________________________________

Why are we even here right.. What powers you? You wake up, work or study, ingest food, sleep. Repeat. To finish your career and become something.. To earn enough money to become someone.. Be better in what you're doing or you'll be out. You'll be useless. You'll be garbage. We[the system] won't need you.. And then we have to be happy about it.. We have to function collectively happy and there's no room for the outcasts.. And IM to blame for it.. I could be happy like all of them.. But I'm just sitting my ass here thinking what else I can sabotage, in order to understand why it's unnecessary and wish to be also capable of that... Just capable maybe of.. not be weird; not be me.. And sometimes thats all that matters. That Im me.. And I love not being a part of them. I just can never get a hold of that moment and make it last.. I will feel alone just a moment after. [Im so glad we worked our loneliness, I mean, we have such fine moments in silence..]

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Aah... I was just given advice by a hot girl on tinder about how should I type, express and resume myself so the person on the other side of the screen won't stop replying thinking I'm an idiot.. She basically said :- "hey, you're an idiot but maybe a cute one. Here's human help. Just stop being you and people will like you" Y'know what? that's bullshit... It makes me so anxious that it happens all the time. There's always someone judgin. Not only online; real life is the worst. I just don't fit in here I guess. I'll keep talking with the tinder girl, maybe and get emptynessly laid, why not? But I think I hate this.. I hate that everything craves for a definition and people just won't LOOK; Im hidden among them... God how I wish to know who's there ravaging their brains with questions while walking in that empty crowd. I wish I could find you and ask just what you were thinking there. At that unique moment. You are not alone... But if you feel like I do; I wonder if you also wonder. I wonder if we're just very far away from each other.. I wonder if it`s true that there can only be one of us by this cosmic rule that goes: only one 'you/me' for every thousand people. Or.. maybe it's just me. Too old to be an idiot... Too idiot to fully be himself around smart well adjusted people. I guess it's a matter of perspective. isn't it pretty much all? Have a good night stranger.. [Not so stranger.. my dude.. U didn't get laid btw, you couldn't pull through with that. And then you promised you wouldn't lie about who you are.. You wouldn't ever play another role other than the one you are. Well, it was more like a statement than a promise, to yourself. I was there.. Best decision you ever made. You mutated loneliness into a condition, a simple symptom of your choice of living; instead of a disease on itself.. Very clever.]

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You don't have to read but if you wanna unload please write it down. Everything u hate.. or love; This I wrote on my personal account but it makes me anxious to open myself to judgy people, so I erased it.. We live to judge because we love fixing things that didn't go right with us. Never understanding each perspective is unique. Well Im gonna paste it here because I don't want to lose it.. I don't want something I really meant to be just a deleted thing..(even if it is)

Have u ever felt like you're unique or different?   But then just analyzing, we all just walk towards and objective. We don't do things just because. You don't get up every day to just go to work.. to just have breakfast or go shopping, idk; people set goals. We follow patterns. We repeat the same exact thing to strangers of the streets. The same exact things other strangers reply to us.. We are the same NPCs to others. And then realizing this I just wanna scream PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS. Please look at me! I don't want this. I don't want to be aware of this.. I don't want to feel I'm just to you what you guess I am. What's the point of everything? How do I get to know who I am if I'm always this self-centered stupid attempt of somebody? Nobody wants that. Sometimes I am glad to be "awake". To be different from the other people in their bubbles... But most of the time I'd give EVERYTHING to be exactly like that. Because I feel lonely. Because I have so many friends, but we can't communicate. Because I've lost the ideal of love because at a certain point I was scared of being a problem and it hurts so fucking much. I don't think I am special.. or more intelligent or cultural, I just feel I have a different degree of "profoundness" than most other people. It's not something I talk about or show, most of the time i pretend to fit in, but I don't. I can fool myself for periods, I've fooled myself for so many years now, but in the end it always comes back, I can't hide it forever. it hurts so much. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse and I feel like a fucking show-off that just wants attention..

[I felt that.. dude. You write beautifully..]

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Hi person reading this. Be nice, life is full of shitty people. Make a tiny difference; someday we're all gonna die so its cool. Dont hold grudges ^^ . [^^]

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We are all just internet jesters shitposting to fill the void Even if you're just taking selfies and being beautiful while loving life, smiling to nothing and eating healthy shit while showing off the new place you just visited to a bunch of strangers that doesn't give a fuck about you .. (actually those are the worsts) yeah.. (Don't get me wrong I'm not saying it's bad. I do that too ! we like showing ourselves to others..) Screaming... I exist. Notice me sempai. We just are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

________________________________________________ *draw of myself* [couldnt find it anywhere, where did u put it D: . i remember the sad expression] I know It has a lot of imperfections but so do I. I guess this is how I see myself.. Maybe I just wanted it to be like that. To express something to myself. I still feel like a little kid sometimes even tho I'm 25; "I just can't play with the other kids because I feel different and they make me feel different." Now I can't play with the adults, they're too adults. They make me feel too adult; i need to act up every move to become like them. And then alone, I can be at peace being who I wanna be; But it gets lonely from time to time; Not being able to understand who are you really; where are you really above the necessity of impersonating this other dude to get laid, get the job, get the money. And for what?.. Just to keep doing it because there is really no other choice.. How sad. But anyway. Ever tried to draw yourself? To see what's the image of you that you hold in your head.. if u truly do it; it doesn't matter if you know or not how to proyect yourself.. Every trace you make on that paper is a creation this world has never seen.. your chance to make a difference; it doesn't have to be trendy or impact in mankind. I suppose that's what I call art. And that's why art is everywhere.. Everything that can never be repeated.. Anything that comes from you; or life itself. A random amount of dirt.. Sunlight getting through the leaves of a tree.. Pieces of a broken cup and the stain of coffee in the carpet.. I'm not an artist myself tho; never considered myself even close to one.. I haven't drawn in years.. This is my first one in a long time; I just felt like it.

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[tumblunni]

...Yknow, I randomly wanna start styling my hair. It’s weird, every now and then I get a sudden moment of no longer hating some thing I hated for a very performative reason for most of my life. Its like how it took me until recently to admit I didn’t actually hate the colour pink, and before that i spent forever never hugging my friends and now I’m like the hugginest person ever!

Like.. there actually ARE gendered things that I legitimately hate for actual reasons. Makeup seems unnecessary to me, I don’t like how it looks personally, plus its a huge expense and it gives me sensory issues with how sticky and suffocating it feels. But then there’s stuff where I clearly did enjoy it, or i’d just never tried it and had no opinion on it, but I got afraid people would invalidate my identity if I said I liked it, so i had to force myself to hate it. i was doing this long before I even knew that transgender identity was a thing that existed, back when i was just ‘a dedicated tomboy’. Back then I was somehow EVEN MORE hung up on fitting the stereotypes perfectly, cos I thought that there were only two binary options and I had to be masculine if I wasnt feminine. I mean, I hated sports so I wasnt good enough and I had to work doubly hard to prove my worth by never touching anything pink in my life. Dumb, dumb logic... SO as I’ve been getting used to being out of the closet I’ve slowly been going back to all this stuff I’ve rejected for stupid reasons, and I’m starting to accept that being nonbinary can mean wearing both kinds of fashion instead of neither, if that’s what I feel like. And it was dumb of me to keep defining ‘genderless’ as ‘masculine’ like that. its partly just because that’s the gender I was assigned at birth and thus the first thing I wanted to avoid, and then also partly because ‘male as default’ is kind of a societal message in a lot of stuff. But like.. dressing exclusively butch did at least seem like a refreshing difference at first, even if it wasnt solving the problem it was being misgendered the opposite way which was mildly novel :P

Anyway, today’s thought is... hair! A few years ago I tried cutting my hair short for the first time ever, and discovered I adored it. (Oddly enough, feminine hair was like the opposite thing, it was my shield I could point to if anyone started hassling me for my gender nonconformance and say ‘yeh if u want me to be more female, see i did this one thing, i earned the rest’ XD) And now I’m exploring the opposite side too, I’m realizing I’ve never really tried ponytails or hairclips or accessories and stuff. I used to wear hairbands everywhere as a kid until I realised they were something people perceived as girly. It sucks that people can point at those pictures of kid me and claim it means i’m really a girl because i did ‘girly’ things once, when i was a goddamn baby unable to understand the whole concept. And it sucks that it ruined dresses for me too, I haven’t be able to wear a single one ever since and I don’t know if I’ll ever be brave enough to remain confident in my identity while wearing one. But like.. I still enjoy wearing oversized t-shirts and long coats and stuff, so its not like I dislike the concept of dresses themselves, just what it represents. Yknow?? im very tired, im probably not explaining this well. But yeah, I wanna try buying some lil hair loopies and trying to do the Tiny ANime Androgenous Ponytail On The Side Of The Head. Thank you pokemon uranium for somehow raising my gender confidence! It’ll probably be ages til i can grow my hair out long enough to have a proper ponytail tho. But I do like the idea of keeping my hair all short except for one bit, that’s like the Cool Treasure Hunter Hairstyle! Also I actually havent ever used hair gel either! There’s a lot of more strongly gendered things on both sides that I’ve been avoiding. I should just take a day out of my schedule and have some fun messing up my hair in front of a mirror til i feel more confident looking at myself

[mykie-hyun-blog]

❤️

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Id probably laugh 2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? I love him & he doesnt love me 3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? No, the guy I was talking about is and I dont care, everyone is a bloody druggie I just dont care anymore I love him as a person despite his addictions 4. Is your last name longer than six letters? Nope 5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober I think he was a little high still tho I wasnt high because i showed up late lol 6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? I don't think I did anything wrong, he just doesnt get into relationships. But he didnt tell me until after I fell in love Cuntcunt I think about him every day 7. What does your last received text say? "I look shit in that photo and I still look better than her" Aha true 8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Many times 9. Where was your last kiss at? On the side of the street, it was a goodbye kiss :/ had no idea that would be my last kiss from him 10. When is the last time you saw your sister? Never lol 11. What do you drink in the morning? Pink lemonade lucozade 12. Where did you sleep last night? Bed 13. Do you think relationships are hard? They shouldnt be but most of them are aha me & my best friend atm just bond over our shit relationships. Theyre good to talk about. You need to spend one night with a friend deep talking about your life every once in a while. It clears your head & you might get some great advice 14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? I dont remember that far 15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? Id probably cry lol I love him and part of me wants to be locked in a room with him gdi We'd end up kissing probably but I know he doesnt actually love me 16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? Depends,if im inside then rain but if im out sun 17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Alot of people Its my grandmas name :) 18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? None of the above 19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? Probably 20. Does anyone like you? Yep 21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? No 22. Is the last person you kissed gay? No 23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? Ya & she looks like she has acne braille on her forehead It says H-O-E 24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Yeah but only a small one 25. In the past week have you cried? Ya ive had a lot of deep talks 26. What breed was the last dog you saw? Rat 27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? Both because i love absolutely flooding the bathroom floor 28. Have you ever kissed a football player? Im going to Soon 29. Do you think you’re old? No 30. Do you like text messaging? Yaa good way to connect with people ..? 31. What type of day are you having? I dont remember Im pretty spaced out its good i think Boih i got my crushs snapchat AA Not the one i made out with another one i liked for a long time ❤️❤️❤️ SKKRR 32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? Ya i was going to idk though 33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Warm :) 34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Yeah...:( we dont talk anymore We made out 3 weeks ago tho 35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? Definitely a relationship Flings fucking suck when you get attached 36. Are you a simple or complicated person? Complicated complicated 37. What song are you listening to? Slow hands~ This song was on repeat when i was deep talking..we had two last week because we're fucked up and i definitely need someone like her to talk to about him 38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? Sometimes 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? I dont know..im v complicated The girl i was talking about knows alot i think..when i start talking deeply about myself & my problems i start crying Im not sad/depressed at all!! Like im good but im just reeally emotional and i cant help it 40. What made you start liking the person you like now? Well theres 2 I just cant explain....i just.....love them. With my entire heart. I'll talk about the one i fell in love with 3 weeks ago Hes hot but thats not why i like him. I love his personality. He's just....everything that id ever want. But i cant be with him. Forever is a long time to spend without him and i dont know if i can do that 41. When did you last receive a text message? An hour ago 42. What is wrong with you right now? -Anxiety -He doesnt care about me. He saw me first, even made an effort to show off in front of me lol. Looked at me like he genuinely loves me, we kissed a lot. And other things tmi, but he doesnt give a fuck clearly -I havent been eating since i found out, not because im starving myself i just physically cant eat. 43. How well do you know the last female you texted? Shes the girl i was talking about before 44. Does anyone disgust you? Yep. Shes trying to take the guy i was talking about. Go fuck yourself She tried to ruin her best friends life, shes jealous of everything she has. Tried to take both her boyfriends (one after the other not @ the same time) I could go on 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? Yes yes Nothing feels real rn Theres like..a space between me and my emotions. Id be excited as helllll life would be amazing but theres like..a space.... 46. Are you in a good mood right now? No idea lol 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? . 48. What color shirt are you wearing? Im wearing a grey bodycon dress 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? 50. Anyone you’re giving up on? Him.. 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Kindof.. i cant help being in love 52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? I just 53. Do you like rain? Yea 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? Dont care at all id date an alcoholic doesnt stop me loving them 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Ya my crush I might tell him soon but im so scared of telling him since the ordeal with the other guy..i can tell he likes me but im so paranoid If he says no i dont know what id do Like id stop eating completely probably 56. Do you like to cuddle? Yes!!! 57. Are you shy? 58. Do you get along with girls? Ya 59. Have you dated the person you texted last? No haha 60. What do you carry with you at all times? My..emotions....gum idk 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Bitch id do that for 5 dollars 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? Of course :) 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Kindof haha Hes like..famous where i live and we were kinda a thing 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? Yes :) 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? I dont really remember that far :/ idk My crush smiled that was cute 66. How old are the last three people you kissed? 15, 16, 15 My age so 67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? Do myself bih 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Zebra 69. Do you have any stickers on your car? Im 15 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Whos luke bryan 71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? iPhone 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? A while ago with friends it was amazing I had dominos last week tho, me & G (the gal i was talking about) ordered dominos :) we both struggle to eat after our /experiences/ and i came over 2 days later & we had the leftovers

[dreamin-of-somewhere-else]

The Secret [2]

Part 1

I got numerous requests to write a part 2 for this (which made me really happy), specifically for some Dean angst, and who am I to turn that down?

Characters: Winchester Brothers x sister!reader

Words: 2900 (I may have gotten a bit carried away, oops.)

[Angst, A bit of blood, Guilt] - But nothing too bad, I wouldn’t say.

Tags: @daughters-and-winsisters, @evyiione

A/N: Also, I just finished this, which might be a bit rushed, so sorry about any misspellings that I failed to notice. I just really wanted to get this up right now!

Your name: submit What is this? // <![CDATA[ document.getElementById("submit").addEventListener('click', myHandler); function myHandler() { var v = document.body.innerHTML; var input = document.getElementById("inputTxt").value; v = v.replace(/\by\/n\b|\(y\/n\)/ig, input); document.body.innerHTML = v; } // ]]>

Dean always knew Sam had a more complex way of seeing the world of monsters and supernatural creatures. Himself, Dean had adopted John’s more black and white way of thinking. It was just easier that way, because although he admired Sam for that sometimes, he could get annoyed too. It was just harder doing what they do if you chose to let the shades of grey in.

But, this situation was different. Because now it was personal. It was family. And that was the reason for Dean not doing anything about it. He was angry at himself for it, but he didn’t know what to do.

The door to the bunker opened with a creak, and then a heavy slam echoed through the building as it closed. The noise brought Dean out of his thoughts, and he instantly got off his bed to greet Sam, who was the only person it could be.

Even though Dean really liked the bunker, it had some disadvantages. One of them was that he couldn’t keep track of Sam as well as he used to. He had noticed that Sam was gone, but never when he left. Let’s just say it was a big change from the motel rooms.

Dean and Sam had moved into the bunker only days after they parted with you. And even though they moved, traces of you were everywhere. Your old pair of worn and dirty converse stood parked by the door, still, even though you never took them off there. Other stuff of yours — like books, sketch blocks, clothes, your old mp3 player — it was all left in a room you’d never been in. You never left it there. Sam and Dean brought them. Even though it had been over a month — they couldn’t cut you out of their lives. Not permanently. Not yet.

”Hey,” Dean acknowledged Sam as the younger walked down the stairs to the main, living room.

”Hi.”

That was a little stiff, maybe.

”So, what were you doing?” The blond Winchester then questioned, wondering what his little brother had been up to.

”Just… Just in town, checking it out.” Sam shrugged, walking past Dean through the large hall.

Dean did not believe that.

”Oh, come on, Sam. Where were you, really?”

”Why do you need to know?” Sam called out in response, while Dean started following him through the building.

”Why do you need to keep things from me?” Dean retorted, not giving in. He could sense when Sam wasn’t telling the whole truth after over two decades, closer to three, with the kid.

Sam didn’t answer.

”Is this about—” Dean had a hunch, and he decided to venture asking. ”—her? It is about (Y/N), isn’t it?”

Sam groaned as he came to a stop. Dean watched his shoulders rise and then lower down again, until Sam spun around to face his older brother.

”Might be.”

Dean groaned too now. ”Sam, she lied to us.” He still felt unbelievably betrayed, the single thought about it physically pained him.

”Yeah, and I understand her.” Sam spat, rocking an expression that screamed ’I’m freakin’ tired with your shit.’ The tired, disbelieving little smile shared similarities with the ’bitch face’, but this look was far more serious. ”You need to cut her some slack. It’s not her fault she isn’t like us.”

”But she pretended like nothing was wrong for years. She could’ve just told us from the beginning!” Dean defended himself, eyes round and accusingly staring at Sam.

”Sure, but what’s done is done. She’s the one who’s out there, alone!” Sam argued, his arms spreading out wide as he spoke, frustration with the situation showing through his body language.

”Sam, she’s a kitsune. We’re supposed to hunt those.” Dean tried to justify his actions, even though he wasn’t entirely happy with the way he had handled the situation.

”How long will it take for you to realize? Yes, she’s not human. Yes, she’s a supernatural creature. But Dean, for god’s sake, get over it!”

Dean blinked.

”Dean, we are hunters. Hunters are taught to hunt supernatural things, right?” He didn’t give his brother time to answer, because Dean already knew. ”Well, that means others are going to hunt her down sooner or later.”

Dean was taken back. He surely hadn’t thought of that. He had considered you being a danger, but not in danger.

”I’ve been out trying to find her, okay?” Sam continued. ”And I suggest you make up your mind if you want to see her again, before someone finds her and kills her. Because you know very well that it can happen.”

The oldest struggled to process the new piece of knowledge as guilt started to wash over him, even more than before. He shook his head to himself, running his hands through his hair. For you to get slaughtered by hunters was not what he wanted.

”Dean, it’s still her.” Sam now spoke in a softer voice. Dean already understood. ”The girl we know, the girl who lived with us, the girl in your memories. Since she didn’t tell us for years and she’s been a kitsune all that time — it proves that it doesn’t matter. She’s still herself, the same as she’s always been — we just know more about her. And you know how bad it’s out there. If we can hunt kitsunes without a problem, so can others.”

A moment of silence passed.

”I’ve screwed things up haven’t I?” Dean then muttered, both to Sam and to himself. ”I’ve just made it much worse that it has to be.”

”I understand, I felt betrayed too. Who would have thought (Y/N) was a supernatural creature. (Y/N), of all people.” Sam let out a humorless laugh. ”But, the world is complicated. There’s shades of grey everywhere. I know you see things the way Dad taught you, I do too at times, but we need to believe in what we see, not what he said. Supernatural doesn’t equal bad.”

Dean nodded. ”We need to fix this, Sam. I mean, I don’t know if we ever can fix things between us… B-but, we should keep her safe, at least. You’re right, and I’m with you.”

Dean hurried after the silhouette in front of him. It was one month later, and Dean could have sworn it was you. He and Sam had searched, what it felt like, every inch, and then you just appear out of nowhere. Well, if it was you, Dean wasn’t completely sure. But, he wasn’t letting go until he was.

The young woman in front of him shot a look over her shoulder, and Dean quickly hid himself against the closest wall, invisible in the darkness of the alley.

Then, she looked forward again and hurried on, and Dean followed. He knew now. It was you, he could tell by the hair, the clothes, the silhouette and the facial structure all together. It was just scraps and pieces, he couldn’t see well through the darkness of the alley. But, it was enough.

So, he picked up the tempo, to catch you before you exited the alley, disappearing around the corner, possibly gone forever. This might be Dean’s only shot and he wasn’t going to mess it up. Not like he messed it up the last time you saw each other.

Dean’s steps got louder, heavier, and you noticed it. You walked faster. Dean was running. You weren’t — you were too tired. Dean caught up with you, and placed his hand on your shoulder and spun you around.

He was in for a rollercoaster of emotions.

First he was felt indescribable relief. It was actually you, his hand was on your shoulder. At last, after days where Dean didn’t even think of anything else than that he might never see you again.

The next emotion was uneasiness, once he saw your eyes that stared back at him, open wide. They were still the same, beautiful color, but the pupils were different. They were outstretched, like a cat’s — or a fox’s. A lump formed in Dean’s stomach and it took everything he had not to flinch.

The uneasiness intensified and transformed into worry once he saw your hands. They were covered in dark crimson. Drying blood — everywhere. Dean found himself wishing badly that you hadn’t hurt anyone. Although it didn’t seem like you, Dean didn’t know for sure, this was new territory for him.

But the worry transformed into fear, after he intuitionally lifted your jacket — to reveal a huge bloodstain on your shirt. He immediately grabbed your upper arms with both hands, as if he was scared you would collapse any moment.

”(Y/N)?” He asked, voice trembling and his eyes pooling with concern. His eyes wandered off the bloodied shirt, and came to a stop by the gaping whole in the fabric over your chest. Underneath a nasty wound showed itself, digging deep into your ribcage.  

”Dean?” Your voice was filled with disbelief. You were more focused on Dean being back than your own state.

”You bet.” Dean smiled just a little but it reached nowhere near his eyes. ”(Y/N), you’re hurt, I—”

”I-I know. It was a… close call.” You interrupted, panting. ”If it wasn’t for the fighting skills you taught me… I p-probably wouldn’t be standing here. So thanks for that.” Your voice wasn’t angry but it wasn’t happy either. It was lacking most traces of emotion.

”Can I do something—”

”No, it’ll heal… Just hurts right now.” You interrupted once again.

”Was… Was it hunters?” Dean was scared to ask. He hoped with all his heart that it wasn’t. That Sam wasn’t right about you being in constant, serious, danger.

”Three of them.” You spoke, looking at Dean with a blank expression.

Dean shook his head to himself, anger and guilt welling up inside. He felt a burning desire to find those sons of bitches and make them pay for this.

An awkward silence fell over you two, and you raised your eyebrows at how Dean still seemed unsure and uneasy. His glance was wobbly and hands slightly trembling.

”What?”

”Your eyes…” Dean murmured.

You instantly took your gaze away from him and stared down at the asphalt. You hadn’t even noticed your eyes, probably because the pain in your chest overtook everything.

”Why are you here?” You then asked. By the way he had acted the last time you saw each other, that night on the hunt, you had expected to never see him again.

He had told you that he killed those like you, and now, here he was wondering about the bloodstains on your shirt that those like him had caused.

”I’m so sorry.” He blurted out, his voice cracking. You lifted your gaze to look at him, and saw the pain radiating from his eyes. ”I’m so, so, sorry.”

Too surprised to speak, you remained quiet.

”I messed everything up.” Dean drew an unsteady breath. ”You’re our family. And it shouldn’t have taken me 2 months and Sam yelling at me to realize that.”

You nodded, lost for words, still.

”W-what you are… We can work around it. You’re still you. A-and I don’t want you out on your own, where hunters can get to you.”

You let out a weak, humorless laugh. ”Me neither.”

”I’m so sorry. I-I wish I could take it back, what I said.”

You nodded. It was quiet for a moment before you spoke up.

”You and Sam— You kinda… are my only family.” You fumbled with your words. ”Well — I don’t have any real family, but…”

”No, (Y/N), Sam and I are your real family. If you still want us to be.” Dean offered tentatively, although his eyes pleadingly screamed for you to please let them be your family.

You nodded. ”Yeah… I-I would like that.” The corners of your lips curled into a small smile.

”Thank you.”

”You don’t have to thank me.” You objected, slightly frowning.

”I do.” Dean assured you. ”This is all my fault, and I don’t deserve—”

”Hey, Dean!” You stopped him. ”Don’t guilt yourself to death, okay?”

Dean closed his mouth and nodded.

”I forgive you.”

”You do?” He asked in disbelief.

”I do. Now, where’s Sam?” You then questioned, changing the topic.

As on queue, Dean’s cellphone rang.

”Speaking of the devil.” He declared, with the trace of a smirk on his face. You felt a some of the weight on your shoulders lift when you saw it — it made Dean looked more like his usual self — something you didn’t even know you wanted to see. ”Hiya, Sammy.” Dean answered the phone.

You were quiet while Dean talked to Sam. You had good hearing, better than both of them knew, but you didn’t bother listening in on the conversation. Instead you just took in the moment.

It had gotten considerably darker since Dean found you, the last of the sunlight had settled below the horizon. It was pretty quiet, although you could hear a car somewhere in the distance. A couple talking as they walked down the street the alley you stood in eventually opened up to. You kept your eyes on the opening between the tall buildings as you waited for the two to walk into your view as you heard their voices growing louder. But instead — someone else stepped into the opening of the alley. Someone far better.

”Sam,” you whispered as your eyes met with his hazel ones. Meanwhile, he lowered the phone and hung up.

”(Y/N)!” He exclaimed as relief filled his eyes, although concern soon fought it off.

He started running towards you.

”Are you hurt?” Sam’s voice was stressed, trembling, as he stared at the blood.

”I’m going to be fine.” You smiled. You were so happy to see him — to see them both. The resentment you felt towards Dean when he showed up had melted off you. You were tired of being angry. Instead, you let the euphoria overtake you.

The relief returned to Sam’s eyes, and he became the representation of how you were feeling. He let out a laugh as he threw his arms around you, and clutched you tightly against his chest. You held in a groan as your wounds still hurt a bit, but you didn’t want him to let you go — not for the world.

Dean watched with admiration in his eyes. His brother and his sister, reunited. Two of the people Dean kept closest to his heart.

”I’m so sorry.” Sam spoke, and you felt his voice rumble through his chest. ”Oh god, I thought for sure someone had gotten to you…”

”Sam, it’s okay.” You reassured him. ”I forgive you, and even if someone tried — I can assure you that I’m not easy to kill. Promise.”

”Okay,” Sam nodded, and let out a deep breath. You felt his heartbeat slow down to a more normal, calm, rate. ”I’m not letting you out of my sight again.”

Then he let you go, and you looked over at Dean, who was watching over you with round, soulful green eyes. You couldn’t stop yourself, before you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around his upper body.

After hugging him for a moment, you stepped back. ”I’m sorry I lied for years.”

”We’re sorry for what we said and leaving you.” Sam countered.

”What about we just forget it?” Dean offered, and both you and Sam nodded. ”Let’s go home, instead.”

You rose your eyebrows, the way Dean said home got you curious, as if there was something you had missed.

”We have something to show you.” Dean explained, anticipation in his eyes, and you smiled.

What could it be?

Arriving at the bunker, you felt the excitement grow inside of you. An actual home. Dean and Sam watched your reaction with smiles on their faces.

Now, you would have walked around and explored the building — if you weren’t exhausted. It had been a long day — heck, months — and the run in with the hunters that came after you had taken a toll on you. Sure, you were a kitsune, more powerful than any human, but your body had used up most of its energy healing itself. And now, you were ready to turn in for the night.

Sam and Dean saw this, and understood. So, Dean looped his arm through yours and began leading you towards his room. You would soon get your own room, of course, the bunker had a lot of space, but for now his and Sam’s were the only ones with made beds, so for the night, it would have to do.

Entering the room, you immediately crashed down onto the bed, and Dean gently pulled the covers  over you. You flipped over to your stomach and instinctively pulled the blankets over you head, snuggling into the bedding, just like you always did.

Just as Dean thought you were out, you spoke up. ”I love you, Dean.”

Dean felt how your words tugged at his heartstrings. ”I love you too, (Y/N).”

He smiled and ran a hand over your hair.

You shifted a bit, and snuggled in further under the covers. ”Tell Sammy I love him too.” You added, mumbling. Then, you nodded off into sleep.

Of course Dean would tell Sam that, because just like Dean, Sam probably needed to hear it again.

And even though Dean still kind of felt like he didn’t deserve it, he was beyond happy to hear you say it; that you loved him. Because, he loved you too.

[booksbroadwaybbc]

I know I have the potential to be great, and I choose the path of the weak every time. via /r/selfimprovement

I know I have the potential to be great, and I choose the path of the weak every time.

Im so shitty. I dont even know why im writing this. Honestly I see other people post and I wonder if this actually helps. I'm at a point where If there's even a chance it could help, I should try it. Im 29, skinny black guy. I literally weigh about 130 lbs. Live with a roommate and brother. Other brother moving here in bout a week. Im older than all of them. Somehow I've got to this point in my life dropping out of every school endeavor i ever embarked on. Dropped out of High School, got my GED got into college then dropped out of that. Was too busy smoking weed, playing fighting games...just being a fool. Never been in a serious relationship at any point in my life. My love-life is non-existent. My only working background is in grocery stores and call center. I legitimately want to just stop everything. If I have to take calls for another few months that really might be it for me. I'm at the complete end of my lane. Im not here to discuss where my thoughts have gone, but I know for certain I cant keep doing this type of work for the rest of my life...I don't think I'll last to the middle of 2019 before I quit and look for another job. Speaking of that, my last 5 years of work history is just me bouncing between jobs. I got a job at software company doing customer support, but i threw that away too. They wanted to send me to Ireland, a real chance to start over and for some reason i threw it away. I just feel inadequate as hell in comparison to my brothers (one who has graduated college, the other who is going to Lincoln Tech now). I don't have problems talking to women casually, but I dont have it in me to discuss anything romantic with a woman. I wouldn't date me. If I was a woman I wouldn't even talk to me lol, let alone date me. I see my laziness, my apathy, my lack of empathy toward other people, and I know it's' shitty. I hate it, I hate myself and I absolutely must improve. I know that I can, when I actually put my mind to something I excel.

But you know what I hate more than anything? People who look for sympathy, people who want others to feel bad for them, and worst of all people who don't fucking work. So as I make this post, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. If anything insult me, because well thats what I deserve and probably what I would do to someone else.

So since im literally at the end of my fucking rope, I've been trying to rewrite my life as hard as possible. Dedicating literally every minute of every day to improvement. Literally every --single---minute of every ---single--- day. As i write this now im at work, im doing quite a few things inbetween calls, and decided to visit this reddit because I made this account and subscribed to it a few weeks ago.

I probably sound like an idiot going into detail on this, but as embarrassing as it is I will. I made a plan for myself for the next 5 years. The plan includes my goals and ways to achieve them day by day. It also includes checkpoints every so often for me to check In and make sure im actually focusing on my goals. I need these checkpoints because in the past when I tried to do things like this I would lose focus eventually and fall into loads of weed use and alcohol abuse. My goals are listed below in no particular order:

Improve my overall Health - this multi-part goal. It includes both physical and mental health. I weigh 130 lbs pretty much on the dot. I'm not sure what my ideal weight would be (I don't know how I'd look at lets say 170 lbs for me to call that my ideal weight), but the first milestone is 150lbs. I want to hit this in 6 months, or atleast check in at that time. In terms of how I plan to do that, I've detailed a complete workout regime for me. Of course, I could go into detail on that, but the most important step, more important than working out is just eating more. The hardest part of course is always sticking to the regime, but atleast i've wrote down what I need to do. I don't know why but for some reason I just have trouble getting myself to eat. Even when i'm hungry, i'll smoke or go for a walk or go to sleep or just game - I'll do anything but eat. As of today, I'm changing that. For my mental health, I plan to read recreationally more especially when on public transit which Im on for about 2 hours a day. Why reading? I need to stay away from my phone. I spend so much time on discord, losing myself in non-stop content online through youtube or twitch or whatever. I need to get back in touch with me, and not be scared to be in my own thoughts. As a kid i use to read a lot, I was a creative kid. I think somewhere in the weed use I lost that, I want it back. After doing some research I've also started journalling. I Journal twice a day, once in the morning once at night. I try to spend 30 minutes a day total (15 minutes per night/day) writing down my thoughts from the previous day and goals for that day in the morning, and what I actually accomplished and thoughts for the day that night. After reading what I've wrote for just a few days, turns out I'm actually a very bitter person. Maybe not bitter, but definitely angry and intense. I'm also trying to meditate, but Im not really good at this. What I do is just sit down in my room, light a candle, make some tea, close my eyes and think for 10 or so minutes. Any thought that comes in I try to analyze where it came from and if it's a negative thought or stemming from a negative. Im not good at this yet honestly. Its important to know these things aren't something I want to add in only for a limited time. I think I need to do this for the rest of my life, otherwise I spiral fast. My mom has suggested therapy but, I completely refuse. If I can't fix myself I won't get fixed. I'm not scared to ask for help, but therapy is out of the question until I've done absolutely everything I can to fix myself.

Develop a Skill. Particularly I want to program. I've taught myself abit of HTML, CSS, and Javascript. Honestly I'm a complete beginner, but I've dabbled abit. I've made steps to already begin teaching myself in my routine. I've been using codeacademy pro for about a month now and I'm working on deploying my own site (my first project will just be my resume on a responsive one page site, got the idea from a friend). This comes from, I have to develop some type of skill in order to move out of Customer Service. I don't know what else to even do, though IT support comes to mind but I don't want to support anymore I want to create and develop. I'm not trying to avoid work, I just want to avoid working with the general public, and I want to avoid my job being to educate others or fix mistakes they've made. Even though I think that still happens in development, I atleast want a career that pushes me mentally and forces me to improve my skillset in order to stay relevant. Most importantly, I want a job I can be proud of. A job that I myself can be proud of. Even though Customer Service/Call Centers are important for alot of companies, I cannot stand this line of work. It is so mind numbingly tedious and repetitive, and I feel like I am wasting my life and my potential handling these minor inquiries when I know I can use my mind to accomplish and work on something much greater. I don't care how arrogant or fucked up it sounds. It's not that I think i'm better than anyone, I just KNOW that i can achieve more than this. I know that im here because of how shitty of a human i've been. I'm tired of it, I have to change it.

Learn another language. The only other language I've had real interest in is Japanese. Honestly I've been at odds even with myself on this for a long time. Is it bad that I enjoy that type of culture? I'm not trying to be a "weeb" or just say it to sound cool. I've spent time learning to recognize some hiragana/katakana just on my own in the past. I don't think it's a perfect culture or anything, but its the only one that legitimate has always interested me for as long as I can remember. So i've decided to pursue it and fuck it, if I look stupid or like a weeb or whatever I guess I just have to accept that. Again I have my own routine I've detailed for myself for learning, and I have a few people I can actually practice with. I somehow got a friend of mine a job in Japan as a english teacher...but I havent done anything myself to move toward that and I know god damn well I could.

I want to become better at interacting with people. Last few months I've lost myself in just complete self indulgence. I won't go super into detail, but I think we all know what this means. Drug use, alcohol use, long nights on the internet avoiding sleep exploring the most degenerate shit man. The worst is after nights like that you can't look people in the eye, or have normal conversations. It just eats at you knowing youre not only wasting time but spending it on something so shitty and useless. Putting time off with family/friends to stay at home and waste time, I won't do shit like this anymore. When you fall into a rut like this, or whatever it is, all your relationships around you start to crumble. Then I wonder why I havent been in a relationship, lol. Well im done and hopefully by writing this It gives me strength to not fall back into that dark place and keep me on the right path. I will show I can support my family and I can receive their support as well. It will take time to repair these relationships, but If i dont start now I feel like they really will crumble forever.

This is basically my current mental state. I don't know if this even fits this subreddit but I hope it does and if not feel free to inform me. The purpose of this is to show that, I am on the path to self improvement, its all I care about right now. Being better than I've been in the past month. Better than I was yesterday, because if I dont change my life now I'm legitimately scared what I will do or where I will be 5 years from now. If you actually read all this, thanks. If you have any thoughts, please let me know. If I sound stupid, let me know. If I sound like all im doing is crying and complaining, please inform me. You have any videos I can watch on improvement, including mentalities/mindsets/meditation please let me know. Im open to anything. It took me about 2 hours to write this in between calls. As I hit post I'm going back to coding and planning on working on my first project immediately tonight. Guess i'm saying this more for myself than anyone.

Thanks for reading.

-Just

Submitted November 10, 2018 at 11:22PM by StoicJust via reddit https://ift.tt/2z213YJ

[fanfic-factory]

Love at First Sight (Chapter 34)

P.o.v Ross Ellington and I finished our food and decided we would head over to my place to see what the others were up to. i drove up the driveway with Ellington following right behind in his car. we took separate cars because we wanted to stay as low profile as possible but if paparazzi caught what i did back at the restaurant i guess our secrets out. I got out of my car followed by Ellington getting out of his. we walked into the house o find chelsie and Rydel with their arms wrapped around each other ads they cried into each other's shoulders for a second i was a bit confused but then i realized that rocky had probably slipped up and told at least one of them and then the one he told probably told the other. walked over to chelsie and tried to give her a kiss but she stopped me. 'damn it! she does know!' i thought to myself and right on cue she yells in my face "how could you!" mean while Rydel is yelling at Ellington. 'god i am going to beat the living shit out of Rocky when i find him!' i think to myself as chelsie continues to yell at me. eventually Rydel and chelsie stopped yelling at us. im happy because we now have a chance to explain and i also want to make sure that they don't hate us forever, especially Rydel and Ellington because that could ruin the band and i don't want to let any of our fans down. Ellington and i finally got a chance to explain to chelsie and Rydel at happened and why we didn't tell them sooner and that we were sorry from keeping all of this from them. im actually really shocked at how understanding they were. I'm happy that they understand because all i can say is love is love and because of Ellington i am strong (reference to strong by one direction) I'm kinda shocked about how understanding they were though because of how they went all ape shit on us not even five minutes ago. p.o.v Rydel right after i told chelsie that the both of us were being cheated on be both burst into tears and then Ross and Ellington came through the door it took us both a few seconds to realize that it was them because our vision was blurry because of our tears. When we did reslize it was them though we both instantly went from tears to pure rage. Ross then walked up to chelsie and tried to kiss her. At this point we had both had enough of the secrets and lies and just went full on ape shit at them because of what they have put us through. we kept yelling and yelling at the two of them until we felt they have had enough. after we finished yelling at them they made us sit down so they could explain it all. it made sense but even though i was understanding it would take a while for them to gain my trust back again. p.o.v chelsie After ross and Ellington explained everything to us my emotions were so messed up. i wanted to kiss ross but he's not mine anymore, i wanted to yell at him but my voice was basically gone from already yelling at him, i wanted to just hide away from the world and die because i lost the love of my life. he's not mine anymore i wish i could just back off but its not that easy. i couldn't bear to look at him for one more second or hear one more word come out of his mouth so i left. i got up and left. p.o.v Keara i was sitting in my room texting riker. i had asked if i could go to his place to hang out but he told me what had happened between chelsie, ross, Rydel,and Ellington and then the idea of hanging out at his place all of a sudden didn't seem so great. then i asked him if he wanted to come over to my place to hang out. he actually replied so fast it is literally as if e would have done anything to get out of that house and after hearing what was going on there i can imagine why. i decided that for once i would actually socialize with my family before my boyfriend got here so i went to the living room. when i walked into the living room i saw that they were watching the Big Bang theory. since i love the Big Bang theory i decided i would sit and watch it with my family. was the episode where raj had this competition set up and the rest of the group of friends was split into teams of two. right when and Howard and amy realized that the one thing they have in common is loving Neil diamond iker walked in singing along to sweet caroline. p.o.v Riker i pulled up to keara's house and got out of the car. i walked up to the door and walked right in because her house is basically a second home to me. i walked in and i didnt know what they were watching but i did recognize something. i recognized the song that was playing on whatever it was they were watching so i decided to just walk into the living room singing along to sweet caroline by Neil diamond. after i finished singing she stood up and walked over to me so she could hug me. Then i kissed her. i was well aware that her parents were standing right there but that wouldnt stop me from kissing my amazingly perfect girlfriend. her dad kind of gave me a look that made me think he was going to comment on what i had just done. He didnt end up saying anything though so i payed no mind to it. Her mother than said hi to me and continued to act like nothing had happened. after the slight awkwardness we just all decided to watch the rest of the episode of the Big Bang theory. after the episode ended we snuck off to keara's room. p.o.v Rachel i was sitting at home playing my guitar and singing for the baby because i feel that it would be better for the baby as appose to just talking to it. i was getting a bit bored because i was home alone. parents were both at work and my sister was hanging out with her boyfriend ho might i add is not nearly as cool as rocky. when i thought about that it gave me an idea. i grabbed my phone and texted rocky "hey babe can i come over im a little lonely" he replied quite quickly saying "i dont know if thats such a good idea how about i go over to your place. ill explain everything when i get there. love you" i read the text and a huge smile was spread on my face. the reason behind that being that i havent seen rocky in a while and its kinda weird without him. i decided to watch Austin and Ally while i waited for Rocky to get here. i was super happy when i found out which episode was because it was my favourite episode, Austin and alias. My favourite part or the episode was about to happen 'yay!!!' i thought to myself. my favourite part of the episode is when austin swings ally aka Roxy over his shoulder and walks away . rocky walked in literally seconds before it happened. basically saying the first thing he saw when he walked into the livingroom was me laughing like a complete loser. "nice! watching my brother on tv?" he asks while chuckling to himself. "yeah! you got a problem with that?" i asked him sarcastically. "no" he replies as he sits down next to me, outs his arm around my waist, and kisses the side of my head. after the episode ended he asked me if i wanted to have a movie marathon of random movies and of course i said yes. i picked out three movies to start while rocky got the food ready. the movies i had chosen where pitch perfect, cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2 and frozen. the first movie we decided to watch was cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2. personally i love this movie so much because its hilarious and all my favorite parts happen in a chain reaction type thing. After watching cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2 we decided to watch frozen. I absolutely love frozen. it is such a cute and funny movie and olaf is absolutely hilarious. my two favorite parts about frozen e when olaf sings his song about summer and when he says 'ohh, look at that. i've been impailed' and finally after frozen we watched pitch perfect. i would narrow the movie down to my favorite part but it is kind of hard to do considering the whole movie is absolutely hilarious. if i had to choose one part that would be my favorite i would have to say the riff off because the riff off consists of a bunch of really good songs that are made even better in the movie. after watching pitch perfect we realized it was getting really late. "babe can you stay here tonight? i get really lonely when both my parents work and besides i havent seen you in a while and i miss you" i said sounding a bit needy but t doesnt really matter cause im not exactly afraid to admit that i can be a bit needy at times. "sure babe id love to stay with you tonight! let me just go back to my house quickly to get some things and ill be back soon. love you. he kissed the side of my head and left. i decided i would get ready for bed while he was gone to get his stuff. i quickly put on some pyjamas and brushed my teeth. i took a quick drink of water and by the time i had finished all of this rocky was walking through my door again. he quickly got ready for bed and curled up next to me under the sheets. e were lying down in bed and his arms were wrapped around me. usually that would be enough to put me to sleep at a time like this but apparently tonight that wasnt enough. "hey babbe?" i said hoping he woulld still be awake and to my luck he was. "yeah babe?" he said semi curiously. "i cant sleep. could you maybe sing a little because i think it might help." the next thing you know he was singing half a heart by one direction because he knows how much i love that song nd also its a softer song so it made it easy to fall asleep. He kept singing the song as he kept singing i kept getting closer and closer to being asleep and then eventually the sound of his amazing voice just faded away.

[fanfiction-mania]

Love at First Sight (Chapter 34)

P.o.v Ross

Ellington and I finished our food and decided we would head over to my place to see what the others were up to. i drove up the driveway with Ellington following right behind in his car. we took separate cars because we wanted to stay as low profile as possible but if paparazzi caught what i did back at the restaurant i guess our secrets out. I got out of my car followed by Ellington getting out of his. we walked into the house o find chelsie and Rydel with their arms wrapped around each other ads they cried into each other's shoulders for a second i was a bit confused but then i realized that rocky had probably slipped up and told at least one of them and then the one he told probably told the other. walked over to chelsie and tried to give her a kiss but she stopped me. 'damn it! she does know!' i thought to myself and right on cue she yells in my face "how could you!" mean while Rydel is yelling at Ellington. 'god i am going to beat the living shit out of Rocky when i find him!' i think to myself as chelsie continues to yell at me. eventually Rydel and chelsie stopped yelling at us. im happy because we now have a chance to explain and i also want to make sure that they don't hate us forever, especially Rydel and Ellington because that could ruin the band and i don't want to let any of our fans down. Ellington and i finally got a chance to explain to chelsie and Rydel at happened and why we didn't tell them sooner and that we were sorry from keeping all of this from them. im actually really shocked at how understanding they were. I'm happy that they understand because all i can say is love is love and because of Ellington i am strong (reference to strong by one direction) I'm kinda shocked about how understanding they were though because of how they went all ape shit on us not even five minutes ago.

p.o.v Rydel

right after i told chelsie that the both of us were being cheated on be both burst into tears and then Ross and Ellington came through the door it took us both a few seconds to realize that it was them because our vision was blurry because of our tears. When we did reslize it was them though we both instantly went from tears to pure rage. Ross then walked up to chelsie and tried to kiss her. At this point we had both had enough of the secrets and lies and just went full on ape shit at them because of what they have put us through. we kept yelling and yelling at the two of them until we felt they have had enough. after we finished yelling at them they made us sit down so they could explain it all. it made sense but even though i was understanding it would take a while for them to gain my trust back again.

p.o.v chelsie

After ross and Ellington explained everything to us my emotions were so messed up. i wanted to kiss ross but he's not mine anymore, i wanted to yell at him but my voice was basically gone from already yelling at him, i wanted to just hide away from the world and die because i lost the love of my life. he's not mine anymore i wish i could just back off but its not that easy. i couldn't bear to look at him for one more second or hear one more word come out of his mouth so i left. i got up and left.

p.o.v Keara

i was sitting in my room texting riker. i had asked if i could go to his place to hang out but he told me what had happened between chelsie, ross, Rydel,and Ellington and then the idea of hanging out at his place all of a sudden didn't seem so great. then i asked him if he wanted to come over to my place to hang out. he actually replied so fast it is literally as if e would have done anything to get out of that house and after hearing what was going on there i can imagine why. i decided that for once i would actually socialize with my family before my boyfriend got here so i went to the living room. when i walked into the living room i saw that they were watching the Big Bang theory. since i love the Big Bang theory i decided i would sit and watch it with my family. was the episode where raj had this competition set up and the rest of the group of friends was split into teams of two. right when and Howard and amy realized that the one thing they have in common is loving Neil diamond iker walked in singing along to sweet caroline.

p.o.v Riker

i pulled up to keara's house and got out of the car. i walked up to the door and walked right in because her house is basically a second home to me. i walked in and i didnt know what they were watching but i did recognize something. i recognized the song that was playing on whatever it was they were watching so i decided to just walk into the living room singing along to sweet caroline by Neil diamond. after i finished singing she stood up and walked over to me so she could hug me. Then i kissed her. i was well aware that her parents were standing right there but that wouldnt stop me from kissing my amazingly perfect girlfriend. her dad kind of gave me a look that made me think he was going to comment on what i had just done. He didnt end up saying anything though so i payed no mind to it. Her mother than said hi to me and continued to act like nothing had happened. after the slight awkwardness we just all decided to watch the rest of the episode of the Big Bang theory. after the episode ended we snuck off to keara's room.

p.o.v Rachel

i was sitting at home playing my guitar and singing for the baby because i feel that it would be better for the baby as appose to just talking to it. i was getting a bit bored because i was home alone. parents were both at work and my sister was hanging out with her boyfriend ho might i add is not nearly as cool as rocky. when i thought about that it gave me an idea. i grabbed my phone and texted rocky "hey babe can i come over im a little lonely" he replied quite quickly saying "i dont know if thats such a good idea how about i go over to your place. ill explain everything when i get there. love you" i read the text and a huge smile was spread on my face. the reason behind that being that i havent seen rocky in a while and its kinda weird without him. i decided to watch Austin and Ally while i waited for Rocky to get here. i was super happy when i found out which episode was because it was my favourite episode, Austin and alias. My favourite part or the episode was about to happen 'yay!!!' i thought to myself. my favourite part of the episode is when austin swings ally aka Roxy over his shoulder and walks away . rocky walked in literally seconds before it happened. basically saying the first thing he saw when he walked into the livingroom was me laughing like a complete loser. "nice! watching my brother on tv?" he asks while chuckling to himself. "yeah! you got a problem with that?" i asked him sarcastically. "no" he replies as he sits down next to me, outs his arm around my waist, and kisses the side of my head. after the episode ended he asked me if i wanted to have a movie marathon of random movies and of course i said yes. i picked out three movies to start while rocky got the food ready. the movies i had chosen where pitch perfect, cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2 and frozen. the first movie we decided to watch was cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2. personally i love this movie so much because its hilarious and all my favorite parts happen in a chain reaction type thing. After watching cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2 we decided to watch frozen. I absolutely love frozen. it is such a cute and funny movie and olaf is absolutely hilarious. my two favorite parts about frozen e when olaf sings his song about summer and when he says 'ohh, look at that. i've been impailed' and finally after frozen we watched pitch perfect. i would narrow the movie down to my favorite part but it is kind of hard to do considering the whole movie is absolutely hilarious. if i had to choose one part that would be my favorite i would have to say the riff off because the riff off consists of a bunch of really good songs that are made even better in the movie. after watching pitch perfect we realized it was getting really late. "babe can you stay here tonight? i get really lonely when both my parents work and besides i havent seen you in a while and i miss you" i said sounding a bit needy but t doesnt really matter cause im not exactly afraid to admit that i can be a bit needy at times. "sure babe id love to stay with you tonight! let me just go back to my house quickly to get some things and ill be back soon. love you. he kissed the side of my head and left. i decided i would get ready for bed while he was gone to get his stuff. i quickly put on some pyjamas and brushed my teeth. i took a quick drink of water and by the time i had finished all of this rocky was walking through my door again. he quickly got ready for bed and curled up next to me under the sheets. e were lying down in bed and his arms were wrapped around me. usually that would be enough to put me to sleep at a time like this but apparently tonight that wasnt enough. "hey babbe?" i said hoping he woulld still be awake and to my luck he was. "yeah babe?" he said semi curiously. "i cant sleep. could you maybe sing a little because i think it might help." the next thing you know he was singing half a heart by one direction because he knows how much i love that song nd also its a softer song so it made it easy to fall asleep. e kept singing the song as he kept singing i kept getting closer and closer to being asleep and then eventually the sound of his amazing voice just faded away.

[tumblunni]

....I miss puppetmon. I was suddenly reminded of puppetmon and I miss puppetmon. Why hasnt puppetmon even cameo’d in the videogames or anything? I think he’s in dawna nd dusk but thats the only one i havent played... I cant believe how much I forgot him! He was the first tearjerker sympathetic villain, he was the ONLY villain in the whole of season 1 that had any sort of reason to be evil, any sort of development, any sort of sympathy AT ALL... The most we even had was like... Etemon is fun even if he’s still evil for no reason. And Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon and Wizardmon were all sympathetic but they werent really villains, just people in a kind of neutral state who were sacrificed to prove how bad the villains are. Same for Gatomon except for her it was like domestic abuse and brainwashing instead of dying... I mean you cant even categorize her as a villain, she was just an unwitting pawn of a villain who was this creepy father figure/abusive boyfriend figure at the same time... BUT SERIOUSLY PUPPETMON He hurts the most because he was the ONLY SYMPATHETIC VILLAIN, the ONLY DEVELOPED VILLAIN, and he’s the one who gets most depressingly cruelly unforgivingly killed off. And mocked. And just... poor puppetmon. In any later season I’d like to think they would have given him a redemption arc, or at least a heroic sacrifice! But then again zero two did the same depressing thing with poor mummymon and arukenimon :(

BUT SERIOUSLY PUPPETMON SERIOUSLY PUPPETMON AAAA PUPPETMON

this CONCEPT IS SO SADDDDDDD it was really affecting cos when he first appears you THINK he’s just another pure evil villain like everybody else, and then its actually a twist that makes you reconsider everything you saw of him before I mean I dont even think he’s evil AT ALL, he’s this really unique case of just like... a completely innocent creature, in a bad way. He’s like an abused child who goes on to mimic what they were taught? But in his case it seems more like he’s just been alone forever and either never learned what good and evil is, or went mad from the isolation and lost his grip on it He genuinely DOESNT KNOW that he’s evil! He doesnt know what he’s doing is bad! He doesnt know why everyone hates him, and he’s constantly crying about it, and his entire motive for doing these evil things is that he naively thinks itll somehow fix his problems. He’s innocent but he’s also DANGEROUS, because his innocence has been corrupted and like.. because he IS innocent, he doesnt realize it. Its simultaneously the most terrifying and depressing part of the whole show, where TK is trapped in puppetmon’s freaky murder mansion full of deadly toys. And puppetmon reveals he LEGITIMATELY DOESNT KNOW WHY THESE ARE BAD. He LEGITIMATELY WANTS A FRIEND. But he doesnt UNDERSTAND love, even as he desperately wants it. He just tries to scare people into obeying him and pretending to be his friends, he tries to force them on penalty of death and doesnt seem to understand what death actually is, or that people are different to toys. And he goes from holding a goddamn gun to TK’s head, into being super shy and crying cos TK is making fun of him. And then I genuinely feel sad when TK manages to trick him and escape, even though I know its good that our hero is safe. I mean... Puppetmon SO EASILY believed TK’s lie that he’d be his friend, and he was so excited, and he spent all that work making a wooden friend to prove he totally has other friends, and then the LOOK ON HIS POOR SWEET ANGEL FACE as he runs back into the room holding the doll, SO HAPPY that he can show it to TK, and sees he just tricked him and ran away :(

And just... GOD. He just DIES. And he dies really depressingly, we’re shown the light draining from his eyes... Its like he could have been redeemed but nobody tried. I cant blame TK for not seeing the signs and taking the opportunity, since he IS just a lil kid after all. So I just blame the writers for not finding some way to make it happen :P Seriously I just... WONDER SO MUCH. About what could have happened if he had a chance! And about how he became this way to begin with! I mean like... is he a baby digimon who was abandoned and alone and trapped somewhere, and digivolved more and more powerful while never mentally progressing? Is he someone who was traumatized by some sort of horrific event? Maybe even by the dark masters, who then recruited this mind-shattered victim into their ranks? is he just a normal person who for one reason or another was abandoned and hated and mistreated by everyone he met, never having a single friend and never even understanding friendship. not because of any big evil reason but just because the world is cruel and some people do just get horrible treatment through no fault of their own. And become twisted into horrible people too, who just perpetuate the cycle... BUT SERIOUSLY GOD DEAR CHRIST he was just a CHILD he’s either a child or a weird digimon metaphor for mentally ill people who cant fully function in the adult world. or, as a trope, ‘the manchild’, which is usually used as more of a comedic thing, but this just shows how sad it is. As someone who kinda does classify as ‘a manchild’, I can jsut really relate to it. And I mean.. I got better. I may never be normal, but there were times I was unable to understand stuff and eventually I was able to learn. It took me longer than other people and I had a lot of failures, but with support and therapy I’m able to cope with stuff I never thought I’d be able to! So it hurts a lot to see this particular sort of character be the one who doesnt get a chance at redemption. I mean he doesnt even NEED ‘redemption’, he ISNT EVIL! He’s just a child who’s unwell! A really scary genuinely dangerous horror movie villain equivelant who has phenomenal cosmic powers with which to enact his own delusions, yeah, but its not like its impossible to help him. And I mean, because he;s super strong it would have been even better if he got switched over to the good guy side! And it could have established piedmon’s threat a bit more if they needed the help of a former dark master to fight him, and got to see just how outclassed puppetmon is by his old boss. Maybe could die in a similar way to wizardmon, even? I’m not against puppetmon being killed off, i just feel it was a waste that it happened in the way it did... Or gahhh can we just have a good and innocent puppetmon appear in a later season and have a happy life containing no untimely demise? Can you at least throw me that bone?

Poor puppetmon