#or at least have a piece of canon u really want to lean on in order to write a solid character

[denkryn]

Marcille is actually quite selfish when u think about it. Her fundamental character drive is her biggest fear which is everyone leaving her. It’s not that people she loves will die before her and she’s scared of that. It’s much more selfish. It’s people leaving HER. She doesn’t want to be alone. But it is her curse to bear as a half-elf. I love how selfish she actually is when u think about it. She does black magic because she needs to resurrect her gf. It’s a selfish desire. Without a care for consequence. All her motivations are very self-based. If u think about it. Even the lunatic magician who was basically the bad guy was not really selfish compared to her. He geniunely wanted to save the kingdom. But Marcille, well Marcille just wants to not be alone.

[ariseur]

hey again 👀 soooo you said i should send another ask if i had an idea and diva you said that to the wrong person. i have too many lmao

im stressing that u should write this at your own time! no rush :)

but yeah im actually writing a longform seph/reader fic where the reader is from a southern/appalachian coded town near gongaga. my idea id love to have your spin on is a scene where sephiroth (someone raised on protein powder and spinach probably) gets to try some real southern comfort food that the reader makes for him :). im talking biscuits, fried chicken, some kind of creamy noodle dish, just all the unhealthy savory goodness

he deserves it 🥺

ty for the last request again btw✨💕

“ spread kisses like honey. ”

sephiroth (ffvii) x reader

┊ ˚➶ notes ｡˚ 🎼

omg this has been sitting in my drafts sooo long!! this was really cute and i loved writing it, it reminded me of lucy gray and coriolanus snow from hg hence why i put the title as a lyric from her ballad 💕 always look forward to your requests!! thank you againnn!!

┊ ˚➶ warnings ｡˚ 🎼

you and seph being sickly sweet towards each other, sephiroth being utterly in love with you in his inner monologue, kind of not canon because there are moments where i mention how sephiroth talks to genesis and angeal despite knowing zack and interacting with zack ( which like clashes with the entire point of cc .. but shhh i wanted domesticity ), intended lowercase, lmk if i missed anything!! 💕

┊ ˚➶ word count ｡˚ 🎼

1088 words, 5905 characters

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄

“you’ve never had this?” you gasped dramatically, your shocked face only to be met with sephiroth’s stoic one. he hesitantly nodded— was that.. a bad thing? did he somehow offend you in some way? the steam that had emitted from the plates below you set on the

“don’t you like pasta?” you asked, still utterly baffled.

he nodded slowly, “is something wrong?” he didn’t understand the confusion. there were a lot of foods he hasn’t tried, isn’t that normal for everyone? you blinked owlishly, lifting up the fork with the pasta noodles stabbed against the metal, the creamy sauce departing from the food in small, slow drips.

“what have you been eating if you’ve never had something as delicious as this?” you muttered, your lips reverting back into a tight ‘o’ as you blew on the fork— before finally slipping it into your mouth. “i’m shocked.” words muffled as you still chewed on your food, at least covering your mouth while you spoke.

sephiroth chuckled amusedly, “we’ve grown up in deeply contrasting places.” he crossed his arms against his chest, watching as you slurped up the pasta with stars in your eyes— occasionally opening your mouth to let the heat escape, soft steam pouring out from the small gap you’ve left while chewing. “still,” said you, “‘s so good.” he could barely make out your voice from how full your mouth was but he still shook his head as he leaned further back in his chair.

closing his eyes, he tilted his head down while he let the strands of snowy hair fell and covered bits of his face, blocking the bright sun even to the darkness beneath his eyelids. sephiroth didn’t pay much mind to the fact that your loud chewing of garlic bread and slurping of buttered food had come to a halt until he felt a strong aroma slip in from under his nostrils, it was only then did he open his eyes to see you holding the fork to his lips.

you held an expectant gaze and he quirked a brow before ultimately leaning forward while he let his eyes rake over the food. it looked a little messy, the sauce dripping over the place as you had ripped a piece of garlic bread off along with it and placed a chunk on the metal twinges of the utensil. he looked up again at you, waiting as you nodded your head and tried to keep your excitement contained. he blew on the fork a little bit before opening his mouth and letting it settle upon the steel. what could one bite do, he asked himself.

but once he had finally tried it, he could’ve dropped dead right then and there. the combination of the salty and savory flavors was perfect, and the way the bread had soaked some of it up too was incredible. sephiroth closed his eyes, letting his jaw work as he let his taste buds be blessed with what was known as your cooking. he had always seen you working your way through the kitchen, using various pots and pans and oils while you zipped around — and when sephiroth had offered help, you simply put a hand up and looked up at him for a split second, trying to simultaneously get the perfect roast as you smiled at him sweetly. that was enough for him.

despite watching you cook a lot ( and the only times he did get to help, he ended up being ordered by you to stand in the corner or measure occasional ingredients ), he had never actually savored something as good as this. being a first class prevented him from doing any good when it came to dinner time, either the timing being too late and you had already gone to bed or you were too tired and he decided not to bother you and he ate something small.

but this, he thought, this was perfection. when it came to you, sephiroth never let his appreciation go silent as he would always thank you or give you sayings of endearment and encouragement. he didn’t have words for this dish, he had never tried anything like it. so in awe, he merely said, “you’ve truly outdone yourself,” as he handed you back the fork. you didn’t mind the simple compliment. it never sounded generic to you when sephiroth would express his gratitude, even when they were mumbled in passing with dragged feet when he had come home from an exasperatingly tiring job, he always made sure to tell you how much he was grateful for you and what you do when he’s away.

he couldn’t wait until he was back at hq to boast to genesis and angeal about how delectable your cooking was. maybe zack, too — although sepiroth had a feeling that the energetic SOLDIER might just end up begging you for food even more. not that you minded, though. you were always so kind, sephiroth didn’t know how you were always able to do it.

“thanks.” you chimed, your voice ever so warm that it made his heart flutter. sephiroth wasn’t exactly what you’d call — expressive. he always held a smooth, cool tone of voice and occasionally threw a sassy remark towards you or genesis, or even that kid zack fair he introduced you to. but you understood his inflection of which he spoke in, you could tell his emotion even when he had entered a room ( and vice versa ). you were one of the most cherished things in sephiroth’s life and it could not go unnoticed.

with his tongue peeking out from between his bottom lip to gather some of the residual flavor that was left behind, his eyes roamed across the table further to more so further treasure your sacrifices ( of both time and food ).

“what’s that over there?” he lifted a finger, almost perfectly manicured despite using his hands excessively in battle, to point over at a small white dish filled with elbow macaroni and a homemade cheese sauce. you turned your head and grinned, reaching over the wooden dining table to grab it and lower the bowl on its side to reveal the contents. “mac ‘n’ cheese,” you replied, “want some?” your eyes seemed to glimmer with more amusement. sephiroth had now developed a new interest in your food and he couldn’t wait to indulge in it.

with the smile and those eyes of yours, how could he say no to one more bite?

𐙚 taglist ; @snoopicle

𐙚 requests are closed — june tenth, 2024

[shysheeperz]

love ur blog!! I check it out before starting an anime/manga 💞

just wondering do u have any recommendations for complete anime/mangas?

thank u either way!!!

Completed??????

Manga:

Fullmetal Alchemist- the gold standard

Silver Spoon- by the same person who did FMA. Agricultural school stuff. Cute.

Agravity Boys- space sci-fi gag comedy, a wild ride to say the least, I miss my stupid boys

Magu-chan: God of Destruction- cute digimon/pokemon-shaped gods get woken up and mingle with a bunch of middle schoolers. Cute fluff mostly, will occasionally pull at your heartstrings (including the ending)

High School Family: Kokosei Kazoku- comedy/ slice of life, about an entire family attending high school. Has a volleyball arc that rivals the likes in haikyuu!!

Haikyuu!!-sports manga, if you want to cry over boys and their love for the game then this is for you, Boys x Volleyball is the tru otp of the show

Hell's Paradise: Jigokuraku- dark historical fantasy, so very, very good. Don't get attached.

Dr. STONE- sci fi, technically the main story is complete. We still have been getting the occasional side chapter or three that continue where the main story left off tho. A very solid shonen jump series. includes one of the best shonen jump dads in the history of ever. Will make u emotional over lightbulbs and stuff. hard not to root for the main cast.

Dr. STONE Reboot: Byakuya- a non-canon little one volume spin-off about byakuya and mainly about a funky lil robot that will make you sob uncontrollably I'd personally say to read up to the end of the Treasure Island arc in the main story first before tackling this one (about ch 140ish)

Dr. STONE 4D Science- a continuation of the main story, only a couple chapters, the ending is a really cruel tease imo and if Inagaki/Boichi don't give us more may they be cursed to lose all their left shoes forever

Food Wars! Shokugeki no Sanji- spin-off of sanji side stories by the duo who did food Wars. ONE PIECE related ofc. Tasty looking food. Sanji too cool for school. One volume.

Astra Lost in Space- space sci fi survival, solid story that deserves more appreciation, the ending is just a tad lackluster in actually showing what a lot of readers would have liked to physically see. By no means ruins the story tho.

Blue Flag (Ao no Flag)- high school, romance, slice of life, boys and gals just trying to figure out life and relationships. Solid.

Mashle: Magic and Muscles- gag comedy that leans a little too much into the shonen battle-esque stuff towards the end imo, but a decently enjoyable time. A mash up of Harry Potter and other various manga like mob, opm, etc.

Mitama Security: Spirit Busters- comedy, axed but I enjoyed it. Goofy fun. nothing spectacular but reading it won't hurt anyone.

My Hero Academia: Vigilantes- spin-off of mha obviously, average joe Koichi >>> deku FIGHT ME, the goodest of boys, world building u don't get in the main series, Aizawa's backstory, Knuckleduster is the man the myth the legend.

Chihayafuru- screaming crying throwing up, it's niche it's technically a sports manga, romance, female MC, growth™, love triangle but at the end of the day that's not what's important

My Love Mix-Up!- comedy romance, big big mix-up on who loves who and lots of shenanigans ensue.

Noragami- TECHNICALLY not complete until like 2 days from now when the final chapter releases. my emotions! MY EMOTIONS!!!! 😭

Gintama- comedy/gag with dashes of really good drama

I have no idea what your tastes are, anon, so here's a mix that I've personally enjoyed. Some of them were axed, but technically that makes them complete so I included them :P yes I cheated.

Anime:

There's a lot less of them bc I haven't actually watched a lot of completed series.

Run with the Wind- more boys x sports but this time it's about running. Also the boys are in college. Will trick u into wanting to run.

91 days- ol timey story about VENGEANCE. Set during the prohibition.

Tengan Toppa Gurren Lagann- makes you emotional and feel all fuzzy inside, sci fi, mecha

Cowboy Bebop- a classic

Samurai Champloo- also a classic and I actually prefer this one over cowboy bebop tbh, god tier baseball episode

Astra Lost in Space-the anime version, if you'd prefer watching over reading, but I always prefer manga > anime just cause.

FMA 03/FMA BROTHERHOOD- the gold standard. I appreciate both versions. 03 goes the anime original ending root bc obviously the manga wasn't completed yet no biggie.

Mob Psycho 100- MOB!MOB!MOB! and tumblr sexy man reigen arataka

Gintama- animated version alternative lol. The voice actors bring the characters to life.

Obv there are the old school classics like Sailor Moon, Cardcaptor Sakura, Gundam and all that jazz if you haven't already checked out some of those. Oldies but goodies.

[spaceyflowerswriting]

MORE JAMES LEE HIGHSCHOOL AU 😍😍😍😍‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😍‼️😍‼️😍‼️😍‼️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

stars (james lee x reader; highschool au)

details: fluffy oneshot, gender neutral reader written in 2nd pov, general canon/highschool au, you and james are dating

summary: james stargazes with you.

a/n: HGWEHJSDDJ as u wish, drowsy ^_^ 💖 thanks for the request !!

also i listened to this lovely song while writing this <3 its the mood for this piece!!

×

James wished he could live in this moment forever. It was such a simple, mundane activity, but having you there made it much more special. That, and probably because it was late at night so those weird nostalgic feelings were beginning to settle in. Not to mention, his teenhood alongside yours was coming to an end, so he supposed he was also just wishing this moment would last longer before he was pushed into being an adult.

There were a lot of memories he wanted to make with you while you two were teens, actually. At least he could cross stargazing off the list now.

"Hey," he said, turning towards you.

"What? Did you see another constellation to boast your knowledge on?" was your snarky reply, but James just laughed.

"If you're jealous of my wide array of knowledge, just say so."

You huffed in an attempt to sound annoyed, but were unable to hide the smile on your lips. "You're lucky we're holding hands and laying down or I'd reach over to whack you."

James just laughed more, his heart warming. He was beyond happy to find comfort in the casual bickering between the two of you. "Oh no, I'm so scared~"

"You're insufferable."

"Only for you, babe."

"Ugh."

Soft laughter was shared between the two of you before James gave your hand a light squeeze. "Seriously, though, I want to tell you something."

"Yes?"

He took a deep breath. "Thank you so much for being my best friend and partner. Ever since you entered my life, things have been a lot more fun."

"Aw," you cooed, "Where's this suddenly coming from, though? I mean, I appreciate your words and feel the same, but it's not like you to randomly get sentimental."

Your confirmation relieved James of his wonder if the feeling was mutual. "Well, you know..." He turned to look at you, but you were still busy admiring the stars. "I guess I'm just feeling nostalgic because it's late."

"Makes sense."

"Uh-huh." James cleared his throat. "Another thing I want to tell you is that I'd like to make plans for our future."

The last two words made you jerk your head towards him. Your voice sounded mildly urgent as you asked, "What does that mean?"

He blinked at you in confusion until he realized the implication of what he said and chuckled. "I'm not talking about marriage yet."

"Yet?" Your expression began to look flustered until he winked at you. Then it just became a deadpan.

"I can see it in our future, can't you?"

"I don't know... the thought is nice, but I wanna get my adult life sorted out first, before I commit to something like that. You know?"

James nodded. "Same here. Which brings me to my idea of making plans: we're only teens for so long, you know? I think we should make a list of things we'd like to accomplish together before the end of the school year. It'd make for a lot of fun memories."

You pondered his suggestion, but not for a long. "That is a good idea. Let's do it," you replied, grinning.

"Perfect!" As if perfectly timed, a yawn followed after. "But we'll get started on it tomorrow when I'm less tired."

"Pft, if you're tired, we should go home."

James pouted, leaning his head to lightly knock it against yours. "But I still want to hang out with you."

You minicked his action. "I can't sleepover at your place again or my parents will really start questioning us."

"Damn..."

"If only we were a married couple now."

The sudden thought embarrassed him but he was quick to avoid it by continuing on to say, "I suppose we should just head home then."

You thankfully didn't seem to have noticed his slight demeanor change. "Sounds good."

James sat up first, helping you get up by pulling your weight. The two of you let each other's hands go to dust yourselves off before he bent down to pick up the picnic blanket you both were laying on to neatly fold up. After that, he casually reached for your hand again, and your fingers intertwined with his once more.

"By the way, what was your favorite star or constellation that we saw?" James questioned, just so the walk back home wouldn't start off awkwardly silent.

"Hm... not sure." You swung his hand back and forth as the both of you walked. "There were a lot of pretty ones. What was your favorite?"

He put on a cheeky grin and leaned down slightly to get closer to your face. "The ones I see in your eyes."

You were stunned into silence by the cheesy pickup line, but the second he started laughing, you wheezed and joined in. Lighthearted banter followed after, and James had never felt so content with his life.

"There really is no one I'd rather fall in love with than my best friend."

[quinloki]

i saw someone mention this a few months ago and cannot stop thinking abt it but um corruption with franky maybee and for the other two: gentle femdom and clothed partner/naked male (idk how this would work i guess a dress would make this easier but whatever u feel like writing!!) thank u for taking these and also having anon on im so shy bro but i love your writing and characterization!!!

Whew, okay, I'm going to do the best I can with this, which is admittedly going to be a bit of a let down so I apologize.

I have been looking at this ask for almost a week and I cannot seem to sort out how to head canon this. Don't get me wrong - Franky has like a very strong vibe of being just smooth AF when it comes to sexy times.

This is a guy who has good energy in bed, matches his partner well, isn't concerned or limited by gender or anything. He's there for a good time, and hey, maybe even a long time, but I think he tries to keep things casual upfront.

He has *swag* - 100%. He is so self-assured and confident it's almost dangerous arrogance, but it's tempered by a long life of shit going sideways, so he's very much a Super Safe (kinky) Partner.

All that said, my brain absolutely cannot seem to wrap around him in a way that works for answering your ask. I have blue screened dozens of times trying to find words for it.

So I'm going to go with some knee-jerk reactions and at least try.

Corruption kink - rather not - Franky's willing to try his level best, but this isn't really something he vibes with. He's a cool cat (daddy-o) and he's not here to collect v-cards or twist someone into his darkness - not that there's really any there. He tries to give off that hard-ass vibe, but he's a grease monkey and while he's experienced, he's not trying to pressure anyone into anything.

However, if you're into the kink and liable to go wander off and find someone less Super than Franky to feed your craving, he'll give it a try. He'd rather be a little uncomfortable himself than see someone get into something bad when he could've helped them avoid it. (which is the part of him that makes it hard for him to do the kink in the first place XD )

Gentle Femdom - FUCK Yes - Top, bottom, dom, sub, I think Franky's up for all of it. Well-kept secret - his service game is almost better than Sanji's, and Queen if you want to step on him, he's got a alloy chassis and he's happy to oblige. He certainly gives off more top/dom vibes as a general rule, and I think he leans more that way, but he's 60/40 a switch in all aspects.

Clothed Partner/Naked Male - Yes - Let's be fair. Franky's natural habitat is barely clothed in the first place. Don't think this setup will make him more compliant, he's more likely to be fired up because he's already out in the open. (For some reason I feel like he has a telescoping dick, prehensile and everything. ( "perfectly shaped for SUPER pleasure!" ).)

AHEM - anyway, he'd be into it - and he'd even let his partner keep their clothes on if that's what they wanted. Only gotta move a couple things off to the side to go at it, nothing has to come completely off >.>

... and now I'm going to be thinking about telescoping, prehensile, vibrating metal Franky dick.

Kinky One Piece Head Canons

[fereldanwench]

1 and 4 for the couple questions! Really curious about these! 👀

If they have been asked, choose any other questions you might like.♥️♥️

Oooh, I love these ones! 💙 You've unlocked The Rambling, haha. It's gonna be a long one:

1. What do they think of each other’s family? And how does the family feel?

Goro doesn't really have to worry too much about assimilating into a new family because most of Valerie's biological family is either dead or estranged by the time they meet. 😅 She's an only child, her father died in 2058, and her mother died in 2063. Valerie does have some aunts, uncles, and cousins on her mother's side, but they live on the east coast of NUSA, and she hasn't seen them since she was about 11.

The only two blood relatives she has in Night City are her uncle, Ed, who is her father's oldest brother, and his adult daughter, who I'm still working on and doesn't have an official name yet. 😅 Ed is kind of a piece of shit--He runs with the 6th Street, but he's basically a low-level goon who deals drugs to kids. The last time he saw Valerie was around 2075 when he got wind that she was doing very well for herself and tried to get money from her.

I have been thinking about a way for Valerie and Goro to meet him for some reason during the in-game timeline, but I don't have anything solid at the moment. Goro and Ed would not get along at all, but Valerie isn't fond of him either, so no love lost there. (Nameless cousin is still a total mystery to me--Currently leaning towards a journalist, but I have no idea.)

And of course there's Mama Welles. Valerie's relationship with Mama Welles was always just a little tense--Valerie was just not used to having a mother figure that involved in her life and personal business, and even though Mama Welles always meant well, it could be a little smothering to Valerie. But they do stay in touch even after Jackie dies, and Valerie does bring Goro over for at least one good homecooked meal when they're in Night City.

Mama Welles is a little wary of Goro's allegiances at first, but Goro puts on the gentlemanly charm and wins her over pretty quickly. She sees he cares very deeply for Valerie, and she's glad her pseudo-surrogate daughter has someone in her life that makes her happy.

As for Valerie with Goro's family... I'm holding off on anything solid about Goro's family until Phantom Liberty. If CDPR gives us nothing here, I'll headcanon Goro a whole ass family tree, but I'll give Sir Weber a little more time to share his official backstory before I make up my own. 😅

However! @lizzy--wizzy gave me an absolutely adorable idea about Valerie meeting Goro's father for the first time, and I would love to make something like this a part of their canon: Basically, Goro comes back to Japan after several years living in NUSA with this gorgeous, tall, bright blue-haired woman at his side, and his father looks up at her and then at Goro and is like "You just disappeared to another country for 10 years and then you come back home married to a supermodel???? Explain."

4. How do they compare to each other’s exes? Are they the same “type” or an upgrade/something different?

Man, I'm overflowing with thoughts on this one--I don't even know where to start, haha.

I guess I'll start with their romantic/sexual pasts for some context:

Valerie slept around a lot in her early-to-mid 20s, and she was not particularly discerning about who she shared a bed with during that time. It was very much a maladaptive coping mechanism from dealing with feeling abandoned and isolated after losing her parents, losing her job, losing her status, losing her (admittedly shitty and fair-weather) friends as a result of losing her status--Basically after losing any sense of direction in her life. She was very lonely but also didn't want to really let anyone in emotionally. The majority were just one-night stands with anyone she thought was hot and into her.

She didn't even really consider pursuing a long-term relationship until she was in her late 20s/early 30s, but by then she was also working for Arasaka which demanded a lot of her time. Most of those relationships were with other corpos who understood the grind and tended to all be emotionally unavailable one way or another, and they usually only lasted a few months, tops. Valerie did often gravitate towards people who could be a little prickly on the outside--She loves the little victory of getting a smile out of a sarcastic grump.

Then when Valerie decided to go sober, dating became even harder since going out for drinks or doing ~*luxury drugs*~ were such a huge part of the corporate dating scene. She was almost completely celibate for about two years.

Valerie and Viktor did briefly have a thing after she was fired from Arasaka, but between his own intimacy issues and her kind of using him for a sense of comfort after her life got thrown upside down again, that one also didn't last more than a few months.

As for Goro: much like with his family, I'm holding off a little long until I commit to anything concrete for Goro's romantic past, but I've indulged here a little more:

I absolutely love the idea of Goro being a wild playboy during his youth, so I think he probably had his fair share of indiscriminate flings as well until he found that 'Saka discipline. I could see him also having, like, one fairly serious relationship when he was young but starting to settle down a bit, but it fell through for whatever reason: Goro had to commit fully to Arasaka, that partner got married off to someone else, etc. Pick your tragedy.

I don't think he was ever married, though, and I think once he became Saburo's bodyguard, Goro didn't even entertain the idea of having a long-term romantic relationship. I think it would have been highly discouraged if not outright banned.

I do think he would occasionally enjoy the company of others, though, with the explicit understanding that it couldn't be more than sex (maybe dinner if he really liked them). Probably with other high-level Arasaka employees who were in a similar position but still craved physical companionship from time to time. I think he'd be drawn to people who were at least like him on the outside--Reserved with refined taste and a clear understanding of their purpose in the organization--But deep down he craves connection with someone more spirited who could challenge him.

So, to finally answer the actual question, lmao: How do they compare to each other's exes?

In both cases they're mostly something different, but that's also mostly because they never really let themselves have relationships with someone who they could deeply connect with. They are each other's type--They just tried to deny it to themselves for most of their lives.

(Goro is more oblivious and then surprised by his attraction to Valerie than vice versa, though. 😅 Valerie is like "Of course I fall in love with the most unattainable man in the world while I'm actually dying. This is exactly why I don't want to have any feelings." And Goro is more like "It is not love. I just trust her with my entire life, and often my stomach feels weird when she smiles at me, but it is just something I ate in this shithole of a city. Probably.")

[couple questions]

[prettyboykatsuki]

am i warm enough for you?

➳ tags ;; soulmate au, strangers to lovers, fluff and angst but mostly fluff, some-what canon compliant, bakugo katsuki is bad at feelings, lots of Feelings™, you guys are adults but the end of the fic but the fic is sfw, alcohol, drunk confessions

➳ wc ;; 5.6k..

➳ plot summary ;; you see your soulmate in dreams - sometimes in bits and pieces and other times in full. bakugo is less than inclined to admit he even has a soulmate - and you learn how to cope with it, one day at a time.

bakugo learns that this soulmate shit is no joke. that has to be why he keeps falling for you so helplessly.

➳ a/n ;; i wasn’t even gonna comeback this early but it felt so wrong not to post on my bfs birthday so alas </3 for anyone who cares to know this is @elysianseraph but with my new url. nice to see u all <3

this was originally posted on 4/20 but im reposting cause it didn’t show up in the tags dskjds

It’s hazy.

A cloud of smoke settles over your body, permeating your lung. It smells like sugar, like burning, like smoke and a little like leather. You can feel your toes curl and your hands moving but your body is separate from you in a way you can’t describe. It’s a pleasant kind of warmth that spreads, creeping up from behind your neck till it’s soft and cradling your skull. It’s soft like the touch of a mother, like wool over your ears.

It’s a pleasant feeling, that’s all. Almost cozy but there’s a fading sense of distress that chills in your lungs as you encompass it. Your hands are too small to reach forward, and truthfully the sensation is so powerful that you’re afraid to reach out. You’re 6 years old, so all you know is how it makes you feel. You can’t remember many details, but you feel pleasant. Something about it is soft, but there’s a sharp edge right at the end that has your lungs gasping for air.

It’s a flash of colors. Red. Orange. Pale Yellow. Grey. Black. Forest Green. Red. Red. Orange. Red.

And then it fades into a feeling again. A blurry feeling. You feel conflict, then concern, then inadequacy in heavy waves almost like it’s drowning you. It’s the first time you’ve experienced such a pain, so your wailing and wiping tears away with chubby fingers and saying a name you don’t know and can’t remember.

Ka. You know the sound, Ka. But you don’t know of anything more. It repeats rhythmically in your mind like a knock on the door, rapping with urgency - but it doesn’t do anything to jog your memory. Someone is trying to be let in but you don’t know how to answer them, and you’re still crying. The distress, the inadequacy shakes you and all you feel is frustration in short simple bursts.

Your first encounter with your soulmate is written this way in your memory. A sense of urgency laced with frustration - but they’re not towards you. It’s him, his feelings - you can feel them even deeper then he can. They pierce you in a way that makes it hard to breathe, no matter how you try to escape them it’s an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. The only way to escape the feelings of a dream is either to control them, or to face them and swim through the fog.

Soulmates have an urgency to them, in general. His is different, you can tell as much. Your first soulmate dream leaves the heaviest impression and each one thereafter is like pieces of a puzzle.

Sometimes you simply share random dreams, like a split screen in a video game - the two of you witness different parts of the same dreamverse. Other times, and honestly - most times, you’re experiencing their emotions or feelings. You experience their core memories, their life, in flashes and bits and pieces.

It’s not enough to know them or who they are, it’s like know everything about them except the things that matter

Sometimes you meet too. Just barely.

MEETING 1:

The room is white. When you blink, colors flash in order - red, pale yellow, orange, forest green and you know. You blink a few more times, stretching your hands out in front of yourself. Curling your hands into fist then into stretched palms, you lean forward and stretch. You wriggle your toes - notice you're wearing shoes. Clothes from your closet. Strange.

You take a look around the room but there isn't much to see. There’s a wall in front of you with a glass divider and a mirrored empty room. The room across from yours has spiky decor littered against the walls. An orange dresser, plastic grenades and play guns. You know who it is without a second warning - and a foggy part in the back of your head tells you that it’s him, again but with more force. You don’t see anything in your room, but you figure he might. All of it is confusing to you.

Before you can blink, there’s a loud thud coming from the other side of the glass. It’s a silhouette, the outline of a face - but nothing clear. Dream logic dictates you can’t know a face you’ve never seen, yet somehow you know his outline. Spiky, he’s spiky everywhere.

“Hello?,” you call out, overly tentative. The figure pauses, seems to take in whatever they must be seeing. You’re not sure what response you’re expecting, really. There’s no expectations at all.

“...Who the fuck are you?,” says a pitchy, male voice. He sounds like he’s your same age, a highschool boy. His throat is rough, yet not overly deep. It’s almost scratchy.

“Uhm,”

You’re not sure how to reply. You can see him through the glass, but not really. Still, you take note of his shadows like they’re going to tell you anything more. You shove your hands in your pockets, messing around with something inside.

“Uh.. your soulmate, I think,” you reply.

Scratching the back of your neck as an awkward silence settles, you take a few minutes to try and figure what more to say.

“We met when we were kids once too,” you explain awkwardly. He must know, has too - this soulmate thing is a two way thing, but his silence is deafening. You just want to feel this space. Is it always this awkward?

“Red. Orange. Pale Yellow. Forest Green,” you repeat, like a mantra. You hear him take in a sharp breath, and freeze. For some reason, you’d like to avoid upsetting him. He doesn’t seem like he’s taking to the information too well.

“I don’t have time for this damn bullshit… whatever quirk you’ve got to mimic this - cut it the fuck out,”

Hostile.

You pause, not sure how to feel. Half of you is offended, the other half is confused - had you done something to upset him? You can feel how he feels - but you don’t understand it. You sit with your mouth agape, like a fish out of water. Unsure of how to proceed, you scoff a little.

“Woah.. this isn’t a quirk thing. We’re.. soulmates? That’s already a thing,”

More silence. You’ve.. he doesn’t seem upset, but you can tell he’s not all that keen to the idea. It’s a bare minimum improvement that you find yourself valuing, without your consent. He breathes again, throat even more hoarse than before. His voice is angry but it doesn’t fit his responses, his feelings - so you don’t pay attention to his madness. Something is off.

“... I’m not supposed to have a soulmate. No fucking way I have a soulmate,” he grits. You step back, stumbling. You didn’t have any expectations.. but this wasn’t what you had been expecting at all. You feel uneasy, sick. It must be a shared feeling if the way he leans against a wall counts for anything.

A beat of silence passes before you open your mouth to speak.

“... I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to that,” you admit. He scoffs.

“Nothing you damn extra. Leave me the fuck alone,”

You don’t reply, too stunned. This was your soulmate? This.. asshole? Not that you were a peach entirely either, but this was supposedly the person that the universe had decided for you?

You shake your head. Maybe you’re just being rash? He could be a nice guy behind all the chaos. You try your best to hold onto that, that this was literally someone chosen for you before you gave up all hope. You sigh, cracking your neck.

“You can say whatever you want but.. we’re here, you know? It’s more productive to just go with it.. isn’t it?,”

“Go fuck yourself,”

“After meeting you, I’m not exactly over the fucking moon about it either. It is what is,”

“You’re not my fucking.. soulmate or whatever the fuck. Leave me alone,”

Your heart both aches with anger and sadness. You don’t know what to do. What does this shit-head know about you, anyway? You know he’s been through some shit, same as you - what makes him so entitled? You swallow the lump in your throat. It hurts. It pierces. Stupid soulmate bonds.

“Yeah? Alright. Fuck you too,”

You see him pace around for a longer before he disappears in a cloud of smoke. You didn’t even catch his name, and you’re not sure you wanted too. It must be morning, but at least you're away from him. It feels lonely, but it must just be you.

Your eyes flutter open but your heart is heavy with regret. You don’t know who it belongs to, but you’ve got class in an hour and not enough time to think about it. If he doesn’t want to meet you that’s fine.

It’s fine. Not like you wanted to meet your soulmate anyway.

__

You don’t have another meeting with your soulmate for months. Lately your dreams have little if anything to do with him or where he is, how he’s been. You have some of those split screen ones, where you know he’s there but neither of you acknowledge each other, even in spirit, like how you did before. When you wake up feeling angsty, you don’t know how to distinguish the feeling but you don’t try.

You wonder idly if he can feel your apathy, if he cares enough too. Maybe he also mistakes it for his own? It seems likely.

It’s a weekday where you’re getting ready for remedial classes at your school. First year advanced courses were no joke, and you find yourself regretting your choice to participate in them.

Still you get dressed anyway, put your uniform on and brush your teeth - wash your face with your eyes half open and look presentable. No one's home in the morning, the house is empty of any life but you. Food becomes a last minute priority, so you make an egg sandwich with cheese and eat it on the way to the train station.

You stare down at your feet as you step outside, music drowning out the noise of your surroundings aptly. The walk to the station is long and the ride is longer, but the streets are packed edge to edge. Musutafu is busy this time of year - the U.A. Sports Festival is taking place today and everything seems to reflect that. You barely manage to squeeze past all the strangers on the subway - clearly on their way to see it.

When you get to school, you're greeted by a mostly empty classroom with a teacher. These classes were straightforward as always, do the work you need to correct, have it approved and leave. It repeats until your finished with all the assignments and you get to be done. You give a respectful nod to your teacher before grabbing your work from your bag.

It goes on and on - occasionally, you hear an excited gasp and quiet chatter from classmates. It’s about the festival, the happenings - but you’re too caught up in completing your work that day and trying to get the fuck out of their as soon as possible.

Shit like that didn’t matter to you, anyways. It’s just a festival.

You leave around the same time the festival seems to have ended, the streets flooded with people - you miss the first station and wander towards an electronics store a block away from your highschool.

It’s the winners on TV. A guy with split hair - Shouto Todoroki, Endeavors son. A guy with a bird head, and a blonde with red eyes - muzzled to the pole.

When you see them, your heart stops. You can feel anger, an unfamiliar rage and humiliation building in your chest. It feels the word has stopped as you watch from afar, through screens. Your soulmate seems upset about something, but you wouldn’t know what.

And that blonde on TV, you wonder if you know him from somewhere.

MEETING 2:

Red.Orange. Pale Yellow. Grey. Black. Forest Green. Red. Red.

You feel him before you even know what’s happening - and it catches you completely off-guard. You haven’t had a proper soulmate dream in two years. Smoke clouds your lungs, the taste of sugar burning your tongue as you cough yourself into awareness. This time, you’re not in a room but it’s a campground. In the middle of the space is a bonfire, burning warmly. This one feels more vivid, more real.

But you know it’s not, your body feel unusually light and your hands can’t hold anything for too long. You know it’s a dream, but you sit in the chair anyway. It feels like you're floating. You feel oddly warm. Dread builds in the pit of your stomach. Even though it’s been so long since you’ve spoken to your soulmate - you can’t forget the terrible first encounter. It sticks to the roof of your mouth - a bitter memory that fills you with unexplainable, irrational resentment.

But it’s not like you hadn’t been seeing him, to an extent. You’ve seen all his memories in bits and pieces - all of them tragic and painful. This time, you see people but they come in the form of small scraps. Spiky Red. Electricity. Tape. Pink with Horns. Music. Green. So much green and red - like Christmas, you’ve called it. You’ve seen disappearances, fear, anguish - so much anguish.

In the weeks after All Might’s fall, you were in so much pain - you couldn’t stop crying for days. It’s been enough time to know what feelings were yours and which were his - and these ones felt so much like him. It went on for nearly a year - you’d almost got accustomed to it. If tears showed up to blot the ink of your lecture notes, you didn’t think twice about it. You tried to keep yourself calm, steady - in hopes you could lend your soothing to him. Even if he hated your guts, you could barely believe so much sadness could exist in one person. You didn’t know what happened but whatever it was - it must’ve been terrible. At the very least, you felt sympathy.

Sympathy was enough to get by for a long time. A neutral, level-headed sympathy that helped soothe some of your own hurt.

All that said, you were hardly expecting to see him again - especially not this soon. You don’t remember the last time you thought about him in anything other than passing - actively. It’s one thing to know what's happening - you’ve felt him passively everyday for damn near two years.

But it’s another thing to see him in front of you, force yourself to acknowledge him as your soulmate even if he insists on not doing the same.

You squirm in your chair, noticing that you’re wearing PJ’s instead of clothes. Just a hoodie and sweats, none of which fit you quite right. You pull your sleeves over your hands, fiddling with the stray strand of thread loose.

“What the fuck is this shit?,”

Your stomach drops. Unsure of what to say, you opt to say nothing at all. Just let him be, sit quietly in your dreams and mind your business. Maybe he’ll wake up soon and it’ll all be over.

You can’t see him from the corner of your vision but you can hear him shuffle. The way he touches things, noticing how they make noise but don’t feel quite right in his hands. How it feels real but doesn’t, how it is real and isn’t. Surely, he’s noticed you by now. The lingering silence makes you squirm.

“...It’s you,”

You flinch, lifting your head up slightly to meet his gaze. His expression is unreadable, but it’s different from before. In a fleeting moment, something occurs to you.

You can see him. What he looks like. Blonde with red eyes, and a sharp chin and thin waist. You know it must mean you’ve seen him before - perhaps you’d even seen each other, but for your life you can’t remember where you’ve seen his face. It’s right there, on the edge of your mind, but you’re stumped.

“Hello?,”

“Oh,” your reply comes short, strained. Your eyes flutter as you press your lips into a flat line. “Uh, hi,”

The blonde sits in the chair, slumping down. His eyes go towards the flickering flames without another word and you decide it’s best not to engage. It stays like that for a while, a beat of silence - not awkward but not comfortable, passing by without another thought. It all feels real, present - not like normal dreams. This must be the special kind of soulmate thing you find yourself feeling resentful towards.

His eyes are heavy. Relief is overwhelming him, with an iron grip and he’s worried you can feel it. If you can, you don’t say a word.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again,”  he admits.

The words sound tender passing through his mouth, unmistakably so - but you don’t get your hopes up. Instead, you give him a placating laugh, leaning forward towards the fire and mirroring him.

“I didn’t think so either,”

When it falls silent, it feels comfortable. It’s not like either of you have anything to say to each other right now, with no manual on how this was supposed to go. If he even wanted to go there.

“I can.. see you,” you start. He squints.

“You couldn’t before?,”

This takes you by surprise. You shake your head.

“No..Could you? See me, I mean?,”

Bakugo feels heat rise to his skin. Oh. Huh.

“Yeah,” he replies, a sharp inhale leaving his lungs “I can see you,”

There’s something tense in the air. It’s a strange sensation - to know the deepest and most intimate parts of someone without even knowing their name proper, or where they went to school, or what they normally eat for breakfast. All that connects you are these mutual feelings, shared grief that holds you two to the title of soulmates. This odd bond.

“..d’ya still think I’m a quirk wielding villain?,” you laugh, or try too - you’re doing your best to cut the tension. He can feel your hurt all the way from your sit, so deep in his gut - it’s been haunting him for years. How many nights of sleep he’s lost knowing there are soft and helpless tears coming from these suppressed feelings. He doesn’t know how to say sorry, so he sighs and rubs the back of his neck. He’s changed a lot in two years - but not enough to be good at this.

“No, I don’t,”

“Oh,”

He smiles, just a little. It’s gentle, casts shadow on his face from the light of the fire. It’s warm, everything feels warm and better and invigorating. When you look at him and his uneasy expression - you know he feels it too.

“By the way, uhm - what’s your name? Ka.. something? Right?,”

His eyes shoot up in surprise. He nods a little.

“Katsuki Bakugo,” he replies, expectantly. You seem surprised that he wants to know yours.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” comes your reply.

“Nice to meet you,” says him, Bakugo - your soulmate.

“Nice to meet you too,”

__

Getting to know Bakugo is unusually easy. You get the feeling it wouldn’t be, in the case that you were anything but soulmates - but Bakugo has never known being this intimate with someone other than you. Despite himself, how much he hates himself - you never seem too. Even though you feel and see all the ugliest parts of him - have since he was small enough to still be innocent, you always treat him the same.

Your conversations are short, and shallow. Regardless, he’s not used to talking so much about himself. But you’re always curious, so much so Bakugo doesn’t have the heart to see your countless questions go unanswered.

You keep a little notebook of all of your encounters. You remember them by heart but write them down too, just in case you miss something. You ask about his friends - Spiky Red and Soft Green, referring to them that way even after you’ve known their names. You ask about his work - the life of a dangerous hero, and if he ever gets nervous flying through the air.

Admittedly, he’s mean to you. He teases you so frequently, he’s lost count of all the times you’ve huffed and puffed at his sarcastic remarks. Still, you never turn away from him. You stand with your foot down and your arms crossed over your chest - insistent on making him feel flustered too. And it works, somehow - because you know all too much about Bakugou and always gets him right where he’s most conscious about. You don’t have to tease him about his feelings since you know them like the palms of your hand.

But these shallow conversations always mean a little more to him that he knows how to verbalize, and half the time he doesn’t need to do that at all. You’ve learned the masterful of working around him quietly, making all the parts of that feel too big to love - something small and fragile. Somehow, you’ve made being with him, even as friends - feel like less of an impossible feat but a dream.

Katsuki Bakugo has been in love with you since he was 6 years old. There must be some feelings we cannot share with our soulmates, because he has no idea if you feel it or not. He just knows he does, somewhere deep in the cavern of his heart, he loves you.

You never cross the barrier of romance with him, though. A paralyzing fear seems to settle in your bones when you breach too close to love and intimacy - and Bakugo understands those feelings, even if he doesn’t know exactly why they’re there. It’s not something you’ve decided to tell him yet, but he feels it in the same way he feels your loneliness. You may be kind but you’re more guarded than he is, and not fearless but reckless.

But he still finds himself aching to love and be loved by you, no matter how much he hates it. The yearning still manages to swallow him, even late into the night.

MEETING 3:

It’s been a while since your last meeting with Bakugo but not long. You were 21 now, but your dream visits were frequent. When you weren't speaking or seeing him through dreams - you were watching him on TV. You’d been yet to meet with him in real life but to you, that was okay. Seeing him like this had been more than enough.

Today was different. Normally, that bonfire was always a back-drop to these little encounters but it was a field today - a filed with rolling hills and hundreds of flowers and tall grass that made you feel itchy. The sun was permanently stuck right before it set but it was so warm everywhere. When you get there, there’s a blanket on the top of one of the hills. You sit on it cautiously and watch the wind pass. Everything is tinged orange, and red - you know he’s there with you before he appears.

When he does, he seems different. You glance over at him as he stumbles towards you in a stupor, and when he does finally sit - you get a whiff of alcohol coming from his neck and mouth. It’s strong enough to make a little dizzy. Blinking owlishly, he sits crisscross besides you, staring a little at the surroundings.

“..the fuck?,” he slurs. You can’t help but break out into a laugh. He nearly falls over, body swaying so you bring his head down to your shoulder wordlessly, a furious heat running all over your skin. Even though you can’t feel him, the gesture makes you feel something in your belly.

“Why’re you so drunk?,”

“Birthday,” he mumbles. Your eyes widen in surprise. Bakugo is seemingly unfazed, eyes drooping with tiredness. He’s completely inebriated.

You feel yourself grow tender. You’d have to wake up and remember the days date. Despite all the times you’ve met, you had no clue about his birthday or how he celebrated. You feel your heart ache at the idea you’ve spent the latter half of it together, in your own way.

“Happy Birthday, Bakugo.”

“Bakugo this, Bakugo that,” he growls, a little incoherent “We’re supposed to be fucking soulmates and you still call me by that.. damn name.”

He hiccups a little as you sit there stunned. You blink.

“.. You think of us as soulmates?,”

“Are you some kind of moron?,”

You scowl, flicking his forehead with your thumb and forefinger. He makes a noise of indignance.

“Well, how would I know? When we first met, you didn’t seem enthused about it,”

Bakugo sighs tiredly.

“I was 15 and an asshole - clearly I don’t fuckin’ feel that anymore,”

You seem surprised again.

“..You don’t?,”

Instead of swearing at you, he closes his eyes and gets closer to you. The liquor runs through his system like liquid courage and he nods a little.

“Not at all,”

“What do you..”

“What do you think I mean?,” he barks a laugh. You feel your pulse under your skin, drumming against your chest like a hammer. You can’t even breathe.

You’ve had feelings for Bakugo from the second proper meeting you’d had with him. It was clear as a day that he was your soulmate for good reason, that inexplicable draw that kept your heart from ever belonging to anyone else. You tried to - tried to go on dates and see other opportunities through but he was always so one of a kind.

Yet, you’d given up all hope that it would mean anything to harbor these feelings, convinced that Bakugo simply wasn’t interested in you In doing any of this. You didn’t want to force him into something he didn’t want - so you kept your distance with hope that he’d still be in your life. It was enough, or you’d wanted it to be.

It’d be a lie to say that you hadn’t started thinking about it more and more as the days pass. What it would be like to see him, touch him and love him and be with him for real - these passive daydreams gone vivid. If he could see your dreams, he must know about them. But you didn’t know how to approach it - how to approach love at all.

That’s the thing with soulmates. You’re told that you’ll just have the answers, destiny will do the hard work but that’s far from true. Because even now, with Bakugo leaning  on your shoulder with this confession lingering in the air - you don’t know what to do.

“Stop being so nervous,” he mumbles. You stumble a little over yourself.

“Sorry,”

He chuckles.

“You really need me to say it, huh?,” he sighs. He picks himself. If he’s drunk and reckless, then fuck it - he’s gonna take it all the way. He drops his head onto your lap with a tired sigh.

“I think you’re my soulmate, you fuckin’ idiot,” he admits.

And it’s hard to say, because feelings don’t come easy for Bakugo Katsuki - but it’s the least he can do. All Bakugo Katsuki has ever known is to be lonely. It’s a loneliness that he’d forced on himself. Bottling up all the anger and sadness and swallowing it. It’s long since sunk it’s claws into him. That overwhelming, all consuming ugly feeling that lingers underneath that superiority complex.

That no one would ever, could ever love the ugliness that lingers in him. That no one who knew him for what he truly is, could care for him. Deku was the first of many disbeliefs and not much had changed.

Except for when it did. Except for when he met you - in a dream, and you were real and beautiful even at 15. That the universe hadn’t been playing some sick joke on him when he kept seeing you in his dreams, so soothing to his teenage loneliness. You were real and that was so fucking scary.

But you loved him anyway. Looked out for him when he was at his lowest - the soothing beat of your heart  in the days after All Mights end . When he cried himself into sleep and dreamed of you. God, how he dreamed of you. Not especially romantic dreams, but dreams of how you made breakfast. How you watched cartoons on Sunday and read manga in your classes instead of the assigned work. How you fell asleep on the train station and always ate icecream after big tests. How you were especially mundane and how he got to be apart of that everyday routine.

After all, you see dreams of each other, but Bakugo has no clue what your dreams of him look like. His have always looked like you though.

When he was worthless and empty and unable to give you anything meaningful, to apologize or put his pride away - you had loved him anyway. Felt for him with clumsy hands and held on, not letting go. Even when he was begging for you to leave him alone, in fear of this all being nothing more than a cruel dream - you held on tightly to him. With your silly notebook questions and dumb names.

Bakugo Katsuki has never known what it means to love someone who isn’t you. Even if you found someone else and there was someone better than you for him, he would grit his teeth and bear it. He wonders if he’ll ever believe he deserves you. He wants to believe you’re his soulmate - to believe you wont ever leave. To believe that he did something right enough that the universe could give him someone like you.

And he wishes he could say all this, but he can’t - he just closes his eyes and hopes you can feel it.

“You’re so mean,”

“Isn’t that why you like me?,” he grins.

And you can feel his sincerity. He should feels yours too.

“I love you, actually,”

He gasps, a sharp breath that stabs his lungs. He feels sober from the confession.

His voice is gravelly when he speaks.

“Yeah, shit - me too,”

__

Your heart beats rapidly in your chest. The address is correct, it has to be with the way this place looks. Only a hero could live here, with the floors that lead up to skies. He lives on 3rd floor, so you swallow your fear. You give yourself a thumbs up in the glass window pane of the building before entering through the doors.

When you get there, a box sits. You press the button next to his place, bouncing on the balls of your feet until you answer.

“Hello?,”

His voice feels different in real life. You  cough.

“Uh, hi,” you greet awkwardly “I’m here,”

“Oh,” he says. You hear something buzz and then him again. “Come on up,”

And you do. The elevator ride feels like it stretches mild, classic piano echoing against the empty walls. You feel yourself feel sick but you’re not sure it’s from the movement. All you can do is fidget and wait.

When the doors open, you peak your head out into the hallway. He’s the first one on the left, just as promised. You can see a welcome mat - forest green, and something in you knows that it’s the right one.

You step up and knock, three times precisely. Your heart is all the way in your ears and everything in you is filled with unease and excitement.

When the door swings open, the world stops. You gape like a fish out of water in disbelief. He’s tall and big like he promised he’d be, but you’re unprepared. His chin is scruffy, eyes full of sleep. Strong chest and arms that seem to crowd your vision, you don’t know what do.

His expression is full to the brim with feelings you’ve never seen. He steps aside with his head ducked down.

“Come in,”

“Ah.. right,”

You take your shoes off and place them in the slippers meant for you - they fit you just right, and it can’t be a coincidence. Your heart swells up a little as you take your coat off, hanging it on the rack. You can feel his eyes as they linger on your silhouette.

“So -,”

Before you can get a word out, you feel strong arms wrapped around your waist. His scruff brushes against the skin of your neck as he holds you tightly too him. The warmth of his breath lingers on your neck - and he hiccups, a sob stored in his rib cages let out with a howl. The tears blur your vision too. You can feel his drip onto your shoulder as you snivel into his neck. Your legs feel weak, but he holds you up at the door - the only thing keeping you standing.

You cling around him tightly, your nails digging into the meat of his shoulders. It’s him, your soulmate, Katsuki Bakugo. He’s real and holding you - and he smells like leather and sugar and a fireplace. He’s warm and strong and overwhelming and your crying into his shoulder with so much feeling you don’t know what to do. You hit him weakly, unsure of what do with yourself and he laughs.

“Damn you, shitty woman - makin’ me fucking cry,” but his voice is strained. It’s like something connected, how you feel each other so intimately in that moment. Not only because you’re soulmates, but because you love each other so deeply. Your heart feels heavy.

When you pull away, you manage to give him a warbly smile.

Your hands cradle his face - so handsome and wonderful. You lean forward, emboldened, and peck him. He melts into your touch like he’d been waiting for this moment his whole life. It makes you grin.

Maybe you don’t realize that he had.

He’d been waiting for you all this time.

[leviiattacks]

Could I request a Canon levi drabble? He realises he’s in love, confesses, then thinks about how he feels guilty for loving the reader

author note :: this was super quick but here u go !! i’m working on a long fic rn which is why it may not be great my brain hurts from all the writing i had to do for the fic 😞 ANYWAYS, shy levi ahead,,,, :-(

word count :: 1.2k

levi is super shy around you. he has no idea what to do, he has no idea what to say, he’s always stumbling over his words. it’s SO obvious that erwin and hange are able to decipher the meaning behind his unsual body language in a matter of seconds

might i add he’s always trying to subtly get your attention or at least look presentable

sometimes he leans against walls with one hand to look cool but one day he misses the wall completely and falls face first into a patch of mud

not a great experience because he sees you giggle at him

levi just ends up ignoring you and avoiding you a lot in an attempt to shake what he feels away but that’s another thing about levi when he’s in love. his infatuation is stubborn and unfading. unless given a valid reason to stop liking you he literally can’t force himself to stop how he feels

but sometimes there are opportunities where he does have to speak to you and despite avoiding you he finds himself surprisingly running into you more often than he thinks is humanely possible??

he’s in the kitchen making a cup of tea and suddenly you’re there to fetch some water.

he’s in the courtyard teaching some younger cadets and you happen to pass by looking for one of your blades you accidentally left behind

like he genuinely does not understand how he’s able to run into you this much because it makes no sense

apart from that he ends up taking a keen interest in your hobbies. he’ll try to understand why you enjoy specific things because the smile that paints your face is always so bright

you have this thing for strawberry jam and he’s never got why you enjoy it so much really ???

frankly he finds it to be so sweet to the point it’s sickening to digest

but that doesn’t stop him from buying some whilst in town and placing it in front of you one day

you look between levi and the jam jar a little confused

“you’ve been working hard and i accidentally bought this and i think you like strawberry jam so take it. i don’t want it.”

his explanation is UNBELIEVABLE because it’s a big fat lie but despite everyone else in the room being able to see through his facade you nod meekly and accept it with a grateful smile

after the jam incident everyone knows about how he has to feel but even if they do they don’t gossip about it when he’s around

now,,, levi is really in touch with how you feel because most of the time the way you feel impacts the way he feels. if he sees you laughing at dinner his mind is at ease but if your head is drooped downwards looking anywhere but up he makes a mental note to talk to you later

one day at dinner he sees jean whisper something in your ear and you laugh so hard you have to apologize to those around you for creating a disturbance

he burns in slight jealousy because he wants to know what’s so funny

that’s when his resolve starts slipping. he notices he’s stopped trying to ignore you and instead he’s gravitating towards you

and he hates it

vulnerability scares him so he stays away for a while until the next time you pull him in with your magnetic smile

once again, levi’s feelings are stubborn and unwavering.

he’s protective. always checking where you are in the formation. he can’t have any biases ruining expeditions so he never changes your position (despite wanting to on a number of occasions)

however, when the corps regroup he always looks around for a second ascertaining whether or not you’re in the vicinity and safe

one time he noticed you weren’t around and only relaxed when someone informed him you were with hange

he’s confusing when in love. hot and cold. left and right. dark and light. every move he makes he’ll make another that makes no sense. it’s because he’s never certain of what he feels. all he knows for certain is that he’s crashing hard and whatever is going on will end up in disaster if he doesn’t address it

it really does take him a long time to finally become mentally prepared enough to confess to you but he realises he has to push himself to do it otherwise he’ll only end up distracting himself and making a fatal mistake on the battlefield some day

he’s very nervous about it because he predicts you’ll reject him

“i’m interested in you.”

and when you don’t understand what he means by that he has to rephrase it a number of times before you do get it

“your actions concern me.” you still don’t get it

“i think we are jigsaw pieces.” again no nod of understanding from you, instead you ask him if he’s lost a puzzle piece and jokingly you suggest that sasha could have ate it

“if you were cold i would give you my jacket.” at that you say thank you but still don’t get what it is he means

he just doesn’t want to say it outright. he thinks it’ll be unbearably awkward.

but eventually he gives in and goes for it anyway

“fuck, what i’m trying to say is that i like you and i care for you...in a romantic way.”

he’s shocked when you beam, as cheerful as ever you say you like him back. he’s totally prepared for refusal so he just kinda stands there like a statue unsure with what he should do next

you take the lead moving to hold his hand with yours and when your fingers intertwine with his something in that moment makes levi feel whole. he feels full and happy.

from then on everything is smooth sailing, you and levi are happy but as the months pass and the tensions rise within paradis, levi’s guilt kicks in

he feels guilty for loving you and having the opportunity to have you love him back

there’s constantly a seed of worry in his stomach, it forever weighs him down and many of his sleepless nights are spent thinking about how he’ll have to let you go

after all, everyone he’s ever loved has had to face death’s door before him.

his fear gets the better of him and he even reaches the point of rehearsing what he plans to say to you in the case of a breakup

but this is levi we’re talking about and despite knowing you’re safer the further away you are from him he still latches onto you like a lost child

he thinks for once everything will be different. that you’re a positive sign. he chooses to have faith you make it out of this alive with him.

because although you could die you aren’t dead yet.

and that’s all that keeps his fiery hope steady.

he’s the candle and you’re his flickering flame of hope and for as long as he stands he vows he’ll keep you burning alive.

[unloved-cadillac]

I'm a simp for reiner 😩 so if you're open to it, could you do reiner and a fem reader doing 7 minutes minutes in heaven? And maybe it goes further later on in the night?

C/n: simp for Reiner? You’re talking to the right person. I couldn’t decide whether to make this in the canon universe or modern au, so chose the Modern Au with 22 year old Reiner ;) Thanks for requesting and I hope that you enjoy🤍

———————————————————————

7 Minutes With You Isn’t Enough.(Reiner x Reader Oneshot)

Mmm, party night. The night to unwind from the college stress and to just relax.

Senior year of college had its fair share of ups and downs. Now, after finals and weeks of late night studying and chugging down energy drinks to stay awake to study, it was all finally over.

After your final paper, everyone yelled and laughed at the relief of finishing. You walked out of your exam room and waited your best friend by the stairs. Your phone started buzzing with celebratory messages from your friends and others.

“Oi, Y/n!!” You lift your head up and look at Armin. “We’re finally done, Armie!!!” You ran to him and leaped into his arms to crush him in a bear hug. “Yes! I’m so glad.” He laughs out and sets you back down. “How was it?” He asks and you scoff. “Piece of cake. Yours?” “Same. Hey listen. Let’s go to the Waffle House tonight. I’ve been craving that chocolate waffle for weeks now.” He emphasizes the “weeks” while rubbing his stomach and you chuckle at him. Yeah, the both of you had almost little to no time to spend together so hopefully this break you two would spend everyday together.

You two were walking down the stairs and you bumped into someone on the way and tripped onto them. “Whoa there.” Says the voice that you absolutely adored. His large hands were set on your waist and your hands were on his shoulders. You lifted your head up and looked at your savior. “R-Reiner. Thanks.” You stutter out and straighten yourself out. “No problem. ‘Sup Armin.” He greets Armin and Armin waves. “Hey Reiner. How was your paper?” “Good.” He answers and looks back at you, smirking. “There’s a party happening at Annie’s tonight. Hoping to see you there, Y/n.” Reiner winks and walks past you, making you blush.

“Oh shit.” Armin whispers and catches your dazed out face from trying to smell Reiners cologne. “What happened?” You ask as Armin looks through his phone. “I guess we’re going to a party tonight. Annie just sent me the invite.” He shows you the message and your phone dings as well. You check and smile. “Yeah me too. Hey. Don’t you have a thing for her?” You suddenly ask and Armin stutters. “U-Uhh y-yeah. I’m hoping to ask her out tonight.” He whispers and your eyes widen and jump onto his back. “Yes! Finally!!” You excitedly say and Armin chuckles. “And what about Reiner, Ms Y/n?” Armin asks and you hop off his back and smile. “I don’t know. We’ll see.”

~~~~

Later that day, you were in your room getting ready. Armin was sitting on your bed waiting for you. You had a pair of skinny jeans on a tight black shirt on, which showed off your curves perfectly. Your neck was bare and only had a simple pair of earrings with your watch on. “What time is it, Armie?” You ask as you touch up your lipstick. “Time for us to leave. Let’s go.” He says and wakes up from your bed. You chuckle and grab your jacket. “Where’s Annie’s again?” “Uh, a block from here.” Armin says while he checks his phone while you lock up your apartment door.

You and Armin walk to Annie’s house while chatting here and there. Armin was telling you about the “cute” thing Annie did a couple of days ago. “And she sneezed and I swear my heart busted the fastest UwU everrr.” He explains and holds his cheeks making you giggle at his shyness. “Oh Armie.” You exhale a laugh while patting his back. Few minutes later, you both heard loud ass music coming from a house with party lights and dozens of cars in the driveway.

“This is it.” Armin says and walks with you up the driveway.

A lot of people were already there and one of them being Eren. “Y/n! Armin!” He waves and takes a sip of his drink. You smile and hug him and Armin shakes his hand. “Where’s Mikasa?” Armin asks looking around. “Upstairs. She’ll be down in a minute. But let’s go get you both a drink, yeah?” Eren says as he wraps his free arm around your neck. The three of you walk into the house and man, the music was blasting. Alcohol everywhere. It really was the perfect party.

Eren pours you and Armin drinks and hands them to you. “Y/n. You look good. Really good. Been working out?” Eren asks as you sip your drink. “Little bit. But I’ll get back into it now that finals are over. Thanks.” You smile and Armin locks eyes with Annie. She leaves her group of friends and walks over to him. Armin nudges your side, earning your attention with pain. “Ow, asshole. What?” You ask him and look in the direction he was and see Annie. She waves at you and you wave back. “Annie!” You throw your arms around her and hug her while she hugs back. “Thanks for coming.” She tells you and you smile. “Thanks for the invite.” As you were about to pull away, she locks you back in. “Reiner will be here in a couple of minutes.” She whispers and pulls back to see your blushing face. You nod and Annie goes to Armin. “Hi.” She greets him. “Hi.” He responds and she hugs him.

You turn to look at the pair and smile at Armin. Annie whispers something in his ear which made him turn red in a second. She takes his hand and drags him away from you. You wave a goodbye and sip your drink while looking around to see all familiar faces. Ymir and Christa on the couch, Connie and Sasha eating the snacks, and many more. You leaned against the counter when you heard someone scream:

“REINER!!!!!!”

You almost drop your cup at the yelling but look towards the door where a very drunk Colt drags Reiner in the house. “Everyone! Reiner’s here!” He yells out and everyone cheers. Reiner chuckles to himself and looks around, and his eyes land on you. You smirk behind your cup while holding eye contact with the tall man.

Reiner left his friends and stalked his way over to you, making your heart beat fast in your chest. You may look composed on the outside, but on the inside your butterflies surfaced. Reiner stands in front of you and leans forward, and reaches behind you for a cup. His front was almost pressed against yours but his neck was right in front of your face. God he smelled amazing.

He leans back and looks at you. “Hey, Y/n.” He greeted and you flickered your eyes back and forth from his eyes to his lips. “Hi, Reiner.” You breathe out and he smiles at your nervousness. ”We’re finally done with finals, huh?” He says and looks at your lips. “Yeah. Finally.” You whisper. As he leans into you, a shout of both of your names startle you. “Reiner! Y/n! Come on. We’re gonna play some games!” Marcel calls and the both of you pull away. Reiner clears his throat at the awkward tension. “Shall we?” He motions to the lounge and you nod. “Yeah.”

The both of you went into the lounge where a circle of people formed. Luckily, it was everyone that knew. An open seat was next to Armin and you took it. Reiner sat next to Porco who was across from you. “Oh hey.” Armin greets you and you greet back. “Where’s Annie?” You ask. “She’s in the backyard. Some of her other friends wanted to talk to her.” Armin replies as he sips his beer. You nod and steal a glance of Reiner, who was already looking at you.

“Alrighty everybody,” Eren began, “The game that was voted the highest was 7 Minutes in Heaven!” He yelled out causing everyone to make “oohs” and “aahs”. Many looked at each other, analyzing who would kiss who etc. Eren shot down the last of his beer and placed the bottle in the middle of the circle. “Everyone is surely familiar with the rules. So, without further ado, let’s begin. Marcel! You start.” Eren says and sits in his spot next to you.

Marcel spins and it lands on Pieck. Everyone “ooh”ed and cheered for Marcel. He had been crushing on Pieck for months now and finally could make a move. “Alright you two. Go into that closet and make out. We’ll be timing you for 7 minutes so hop to it. Oh and we want to see a hickey on one of you at least.” Eren says, making everyone laugh. Marcel wakes up and takes Piecks hand and leads her to closet where it was locked from the outside by Eren.

Seven minutes passed by fast and the pair came out with Marcel a bit out of breath. “Show it. Show it. Show it.” Everyone begins to chant and Marcel pulls down his collar to show a bright bruise on his neck. Everyone cheered and the girls giggled with Pieck.

“Ok. Who’s next?” Eren asked and looked around. “Me.” Your eyes shoot up to who said it and it was Reiner. He takes the bottle and looks at you. That look he gave you made you burn up. You sipped your drink and waited. Maybe you wanted it to land on you. Scratch that, you did want it to land on you.

“Spin Reiner!” Eren shouts and Reiner spins the empty bottle. It twirls and twirls until it stopped. Right on you.

Reiner smirked to himself while everyone cheered. Armin slapped your back and you smiled. You looked up from your cup and saw Reiner smiling. “Alright, lovebirds. Get in the closet. You know what to do.” Eren winked at you and you woke up and walked to the closet with Reiner right behind you. You both entered the small closet and the door was closed and locked.

Now it was just the two of you.

No music. No other people. No distractions. Just the two of you.

You played with your hands nervously and Reiner saw your tenseness. He took your hands in his and made you look up at him. He was so damn tall. “Y/n. We won’t do anything you don’t want.” He whispers and you shake your head. “No. I want to. I’m just nervous, that’s all.” You chuckle out and Reiner moves his hands around your waist and brings you closer. His left hand cupped your cheek and you lean into his palm. “Can I kiss you?” He asks and you nod. “Say it, Y/n. I need to hear that you want me.” Reiner explains. “I want you, Reiner. Please.” You say softly and bring his lips to yours.

You moved perfectly with each other. Tongues intertwined and moans spilled from both of you. Reiners large hands moved down to your ass, then your thighs and hoisted you up. He pinned you to the closet wall and moved his lips from yours down to your neck. “Aah, Reiner~” you moan and he groans. He nips your neck and bites softly making you gasp. He grinder into you and you pushed your hips down to meet his. He attacked your sweet spot forcefully and continued to draw out those beautiful moans he longed to hear.

Knock Knock “2 more minutes!” You hear Eren’s voice and you groan. But Reiner doesn’t stop. He kisses all around your neck to the other side and attacks there as well. “R-Reiner. Two- fuck- Two minutes.” You gasp out and grip his hair. He doesn’t answer. Just continues to ravage your neck with love bites.

“Time’s up!” Eren says and Reiner pulls away from your neck with a pop! His face flushed as well as yours, he lowers you down and holds you steady. Both of you were panting and the closet door was unlocked. “Meet me outside.” You tell him and walk out. Everyone looked at you and saw your disheveled hair and love bites all around your neck. “Damn Reiner. You don’t play games, huh?” Porco remarks and everyone chuckles. You smile and wave goodbye to everyone, Armin and go to get your jacket.

Reiner followed close behind and walked to get his jacket as well. You walked outside and waited for him. Suddenly, a pair of strong arms wrapped around your middle and kissed your cheek. You smile and he moves down to the side of your neck. “Mmm Reiner~ I’m a block away from here.” You appealed and he hummed in acknowledgement. “Let’s go then.”

You took his hand in yours and dragged him to your apartment. It took everything in him to not just take them and there on a wall but he behaved. He waited for you for so long so he wasn’t going to let this go to waste. Your heart was beating rapidly in your chest. After all this time, you finally had him. Months of flirting back and forth, you were both glad you waited until finals finished. Now, you two could pay special attention to one another.

As soon as you unlocked your door, Reiner lifted you up and threw you over his shoulder. “Ah! Oh my god, Reiner!” You laugh out and shut your door behind you. He chuckles and gives your ass a smack then walks to your bedroom. He throws you on your bed and hovers over your body. His hands rub your thighs and move up the side of your stomach, lifting up your shirt.

He leans down and captures your lips in his and you move your hands under his shirt, feeling his chiseled abs. Reiner groans and pulls away and takes off his shirt. He leans back to you and nudges your nose with his, making you giggle.

“7 minutes with you isn’t enough. Can I have you for forever?”

———————————————————————

“I’ll leave the rest up to you. Idk why I’m not comfortable writing smut for Reiner. Maybe I’m still in love with him and I can’t show him my whore side yet. But soon.”

🖤🤍Thanks for reading🤍🖤

-Caddy.

[mindthedocent]

6, 11, 20, 21 for the writing ask thing!

aaaaaaaa four questions??? you SPOIL me jackie!!! :3333

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

i think ive gotta go with kez on this one! everyone is fun to write in their own ways but kez is particularly fun because i get to sink into "immature, inappropriate, high-school-me" which is in a way, satisfying, easy, and equal parts cringe and fun. shes just got a great voice!

11. What do you envy in other writers?

Two things: ability to draw out conflict, and ability to write longer stories. My most (personally) successful pieces have been one-shots. im extremely envious of people who have the time, energy, and focus to write multi-chapter fics. you guys are fucking awesome!!!

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about

ooooo excuse to extrapolate on MMU????? so i think its pretty clear that its "paper trails"-adjacent but what you may not know is that its basically a love letter to paper trails. i started writing this around the time that nym and i were just getting to know each other, and we ended up just meta-ing a lot of the characterizations that ended up in PT, and i just went. Okay. Prepare Yourself Binch.

things i pulled:

•simon characterization

•min smokes weed

•he/they ryan

•kez is trans and a lesbian

•kezs living space is a mess, much like kez

•rymin are immature and make inappropriate jokes

•ryan is or could be a criminal, in mmu particularly hes at least been arrested once

•min can cook (which i dont necessarily agree with re: canon, stares at burnt kez pancake crew art)

•ryan can be read as any agab if you squint hard enough, and in the particular case of mmu i made sure to leave out ANY descriptions that might suggest leaning in one way or another

dam that got long, im not apologizing but i actually did mean to make that answer shorter lol

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as? (film, webcomic, animated series?)

i honestly imagine them all happening the same as canon, cartoon/animated, but comics are easy to imagine onto them too :3c

thank u for the questions these were really fun!!!!!

[whitetrashjj]

crying my eyes out at your MLA format essays cuz not every queer storyline in media has to be rooted in angst of coming out. i get some of the points you’re trying to make. i also don’t think the show is queerbaiting but jjpope had just as much “evidence” as jiara had. like please explain why jj was so keen on kiara liking john b just cuz she kissed him on the cheek and then went and kissed pope’s cheek?…. like in jj’s mind a cheek kiss means liking someone and he did that to pope. also there ARE shots of jj’s lingering gaze towards pope lets us not lie here lmao. i get that you’re sick of people calling u homophobic i dont think u are for not shipping jjpope i also dont think the show is queerbaiting at all but you go on about “storytelling povs” and “lack of critical thinking” when YOUR critical thinking is literally biased as hell 😭 u can ship jiara all u want but jj and kiara, ESPECIALLY KIARA, are both very much queer coded and if u gonna say they’re not bc of some cheesy sTorYtELLiNg bullshit that u probably learned from a youtube video then you’re just biased to your ship.

You know why I have to write those 'essays'? Cause I get asks like this that brush over a bunch of different topics and I want to make sure I not only address every part of it but also make sure I'm making my pov very clear so I don't have people misinterpreting what I say - even though they still do - or accuse me about random bitching without and reasons or justification. Anyway get ready to do some crying cause you are getting another essay.

I know not every queer storyline has to be rooted in the angst of coming out. I wish there were more that weren't. It's the reason I loved booksmart so much. It's one of the reasons I love Dare Me, because that show had sapphic leads and while their relationship was at the core of the show. It wasn't the fact that they were queer that was focused on. Oh god I could rant about Dare Me forever.

Now my point with JJ and Pope is that we don't get the impression that the boys are currently out as queer. JJ from the start was set up as a bit of a womaniser, a bit girl mad - it would have been very easy to make that gender neutral if he was bi, as I headcanon. With Pope it's the same, I personally view him as gay, but if he was bi/pan it would have been easy to show him like that as we see him attempting to flirt on two occasions. Now this isn't to say that in future seasons they can switch it up as if it was always canon, like they did with Clarke in the 100. My point however, isn't to say that JJ and Pope releasing their sexualities and feelings has to be filled with angst, the example I gave can very easily be played a bit cutely - even if they do address the internalised homophobia that I'm just sure would effect a character like JJ - but just that based on my experiences as a queer person and what I know to be experiences of others that it would realistically play out differently to how it would with a m/f couple. Even then when to comes to friends to lovers in general the removal of physical intimacy when that tension starts to build out of awkwardness is common, it doesn’t play out the same way that ships like JB and Sarah do in which they increase in physical intimacy. 

I didn't bring jiara into this. I didn't go out comparing jjpope and their interactions to jiara, I was simply speaking to how jjpope's relationship was portrayed. In terms of 'evidence' I am more than aware the jiara wasn't written to be a developing romance, anything there was created by what the fans saw and choices made by the editors. But it is also a canon fact that at the very least JJ is attracted to Kie, that all the pogues 'kinda have a thing for her' and that he has 'tried' something with her. Even if the intention of those things wasn't to build to a relationship - they did happen and that's not up for interpretation. I'm not gonna bring up the 'did you tell JJ?' thing cause it still confuses the hell out of me.

The thing with the cheek kisses is that it's not the action in itself that made it a romantic thing. A handshake can build romantic tension when framed that way but that doesn't make every hand shake in that piece of media suddenly romantic, make sense? If you compare the two scenes we have the build up of Kie walking up to John B, a close up of a lingering cheek kiss, the pull back with lingering looks and then the reactions of others who have observed it and picked up on something. It frames it as a significant moment with slow beats. That's how you build romantic tension. With the JJPope one it just flows past it, JJ pulls back from the hug, a quick peck on the check and a 'love you too man' with a smirk and pat on the check. We don't even have a second of Pope's reaction to it. Do you see what I mean?

You can love that moment as a shipper. I mean it's a great moment that really highlights their dynamic. To you it's a dynamic that you see and think oh this would play out so well romanticly, it's a dynamic I see and think oh I love their friendship. Each of those are valid reactions. But it isn't a moment that has been intentionally framed to build romantic tension and suggest a budding relationship.

Darl, I swear to god if I was coming to you with my shipping bias' this would be a very different conversation. I know I will always have them and I will lean into them when I'm on vc with shes, theys and gays and we are getting lost in headcanons but I do my best take a step back when I talk about these things here because I've been in fandoms when you have two extremes and no one relents and it's awful, I don't want to create that space. And once again, I did not bring jiara into this. My original post was not a comparison to jiara.

I am very curious about your perspective on queer coding here. Because yes, JJ has chaotic bi energy and I will die on this hill. But I do not see how he has been queer coded. Other than people seeing a man being physically affectionate with another men and insist that can't be platonic. As with Kie I can see it more, not for a second do I believe that what went on with Kie and Sarah was straight. And I desperately want to see Maddie play Kie as pan to rep her own very underrepresented sexuality! And in terms of how she's written, stuff like being an astrology bitch and environmentalist scream queer to us, I do think it is important to note that the writers of the show being who they are would necessarily have the same impression of what a queer womans traits would be. In regards to that scene in ep 1 where they have the hot touron girl and then JJ, JB and Kie all perking up and doing the nod thing? I don't think anyone has a straight explanation for that.

The 'sTorYtELLiNg bullshit that u probably learned from a youtube video' comment made me laugh cause it reminds me of this guy I had a fight with on the weekend over Remus and Sirius being queer and he decided to undermine my argument by saying 'just because you read it on reddit doesn't make it true' which... yike. Any way, maybe you do but I don't have the tolerance to sit down and watch a youtube video on someone analysing a show. All my interpretations come from years of writing actual essays analysing elements and themes in media. As well as having a keen interest in direction and editing, so I pay a lot of attention to those things and you start to notice patterns. In terms of credentials I don't have any but I do think these 'essays' do an alright job of me not only explaining my interpretation but why. Because I'm not someone to just say things and expect that to just be accepted or think that is makes it true.

[first-and-last-neocount]

Whumptober Day 4

This is it. The big one.

This is the all-devouring AU that has now eaten nearly half of my Whumptober fill ideas. It’s a scenario I’ve carried in my brain for years, and when I initially looked through the prompt list this year and decided to write for it, my brain said ‘Hey, look at that Escape prompt. You could write something for that one AU that would fit that. And this one could work as a follow-up!’ and I said yeah, sure, why not. And I listed those ideas as ‘Escape!AU’, because that was the one that sparked the idea and I figured there’d only be one or two others. 

By now, the AU has absorbed close to a dozen other prompts. They’re wildly out of order, of course, because I’m writing them in order of the prompts and not how those moments happen in the story. With every additional prompt I write out, there is the chance that it will mutate before my eyes and become part of the Escape!AU with little to no input or control from myself. I feel like I invited the muse for this story into my head without realizing that it’s not a fluffy hamster, IT’S A BLOODY TRIBBLE. 

That being said, I should probably have at least kinda seen it coming, because it’s a fix-it for the ending of CoS. That’s a topic that I... feel passionately about, to put it mildly. This is that other AU I mentioned yesterday, where Gerald still has extra-special Hunter powers and the Patriarch did not manage to take the fae away from everyone; please just go with it, and I’ll actually address how that happened at some point. Although the Gerald-not-actually-being-mortal isn’t really relevant in this bit, because he’s so drained from everything that’s happened that it doesn’t do anything to resolve the situation. 

That’s what we have Damien for. 

Opening two lines, in italics, are quoted directly from Crown of Shadows to help set where the scene splits from canon. 

Day 4 - Theme Chosen: “Do you trust me?”

Damien hesitated, then looked at Gerald. The Hunter nodded ever so slightly. “He's right, Damien.” His voice was quiet but strained. “There's nothing more you can do here.”

“Gerald-”

The Hunter was already shaking his head. Damien felt his throat constrict, as if the force of his own panic and despair was physically crushing it. He knew what the next word from Gerald's mouth was going to be, knew that the adept was going to send him away, that this was how it was all going to end; blood and bitterness and revenge, all that potential for redemption wrenched away at the last second, wasted...

Do you trust me?

He'd never initiated contact through the link before – the few times they'd spoken through it, Gerald had been the one to open the connection, Damien only responding to the Hunter's questing reach. It wasn't as hard as he might have thought, though; only a matter of reaching for that ever-present sense of connection that throbbed quietly between them, touching that indefinable thread that bound them and spilling his thoughts into it, the question carried forward in a rush by the tide of fear and desperation that was sweeping through him. Damien saw the Hunter twitch slightly, grey eyes widening in surprise at the message, or at the strength of the emotions that accompanied it – but the response came immediately nonetheless, no hesitation on the other man's part.

Yes.

Damien looked back at Andrys, the young man's green eyes blazing with restless fury as he waited for the Knight to step aside, and let his whole demeanour shift. He dropped his hands from where they'd been held, conciliatory, in front of him; he let his shoulders shift up and back, his stance transforming from defensive to confident, even cocky, as he hardened his expression into a look of stern determination. He saw shock and uncertainty ripple through Andrys at just the change in his body language, and he went for the opening with ruthless speed, forcing even his voice to come out steady and unaffected.

“Fine. Since you're not buying the concerned ally angle... let me put this a little more plainly. You're ruining my plan, boy.”

“What?”

The shocked exclamation had come, in the same tone, from both Gerald and Andrys in nearly the same breath. Damien forced the tiny urge to laugh hysterically into the furthest recesses of his mind, glaring at Andrys with all the disdain he could muster.

“You know what he is, and in case it escaped your notice, I'm a priest,” he bit out, gesturing dismissively at Gerald where the adept stood half-shielded behind him, lean frame now rigid with disbelief at the scene unfolding in front of him. “You think I actually wanted to have to work with a monster to save the world? That I seriously planned to just let him walk away when all this was said and done?”

Already, there was a flash of dawning understanding in Andrys's eyes; the young man looked from Damien to Gerald and back, the blind aggression on his face giving way to realization as he put the pieces together.

“You set him up...”

“I swore, back on the day I first found out that he was the Hunter, that I'd kill him with my own two hands,” Damien growled, and felt the fae around him shimmer with the force of the truth behind those words, so obvious that surely even Andrys could see it. With his adept's Sight, Gerald certainly could – and had, judging by the sudden alarm that flickered over his face. “I've been biding my time for vulking years, fighting this damn war, putting up with his power slithering through my head – I've endured nightmares and murders and horrors beyond your comprehension, and now you're just going to waltz in and finish him off, just when I've finally got the upper hand? No. No, I don't think so.”

He could feel real trepidation bleeding through the link now, knew that he had forced just enough true resentment into his words to off-balance Gerald – and Andrys must have been able to see it in the adept's face as well, because the young man suddenly laughed, a malicious little chuckle half choked by his own heightened emotions.

“Well, that's certainly a twist,” he said, eyes gleaming as he lowered the springbolt in his hands ever so slightly, the angle of the bolt canting down just enough that it was no longer aimed at Damien's chest but more at hip height. “And, from the looks of it, one that you weren't expecting.” Those words, dripping with spite, were aimed at Gerald, who actually flinched again in response. Andrys's gaze swung back to Damien, a dark, sick hunger that reminded the former Knight all too much of Calesta stirring behind his eyes. “So, you're the priest... Jaxom told me about you. Said you'd lost your way, fallen further than even he expected.” A smirk tugged at his lips. “This makes more sense, though. You needed this bastard too much to kill him then, but of course you're angry. What was the plan? Bring him back here and walk right into the heart of the crusade, so you'd have backup?”

“Of course.” Damien forced a mirroring smirk onto his own features, and though it felt heinously wrong on his face, Andrys didn't seem to notice anything amiss with it. “I'm not an idiot – I want payback, but I know he's still powerful. I wasn't going to provoke that showdown unless I knew I had some kind of safety net.”

Andrys nodded, his eyes glittering; Damien could all but see the pieces aligning in his mind, the world finally taking a shape that meshed sensibly with the young man's own personal mania.

“I see,” he said finally, the springbolt lowering a little more – the weapon was heavy, his arms had to be tiring by now. “It was my family that he slaughtered, you know... but I understand what you're saying, as well. You had to travel with him, endure him, for the entire fight against Calesta – that can't have been easy. I won't deny you have a claim on his head, but I think you must see my point of view as well...”

Damien barely heard his words. His eyes were on the springbolt, watching the nose dip further and further – until, as Andrys rambled on about the weight of their differing claims and his own suffering in having to work with Calesta to put an end to the Hunter, the trajectory of the bolt fell so far that it was aimed at the very ground.

Now!

Damien shoved the word through the link at the same time that he moved, lunging forward with every ounce of speed his tense muscles could offer. He left his reservations behind him, the conflict that had raged through him for so long suddenly silenced, irrelevant; as it had that night in Morgot when Hesseth's tidal Working had hit them, his innate drive to defend those he cared for subsumed everything else, every other voice in his head drowning under the overwhelming instinct to protect.

Andrys was wearing too much armour to try any more delicate method of incapacitating him, so Damien fell back on the basics; closing the distance between them with that desperate lunge, he brought his arm back and punched Andrys in the jaw with all the force he could muster. Even in his exhausted state, his speed and strength were forces to be reckoned with. Andrys had tried to react to Damien's sudden attack, jerking the springbolt back up and getting off a single shot, but Gerald had taken Damien's cue to throw himself to the side out of Andrys's line of attack; the bolt fired at a useless angle, flying low across the room to bury itself in the far wall near the floor. Then, Damien's blow connected.

Damien wasn't just well-trained in combat; as a Healer, he knew exactly how to do the most damage to the human body when he needed to. The gorget of the armour was protecting Andrys's throat too well for a jab to connect, but the sideways force of a blow could be an effective method of knocking an opponent out as well, if the attacker had aimed correctly. Damien had thrown the punch from as much of a sideways angle as he could manage, his fist coming in from the side with terrifying force; as it connected, Andrys's head snapped hard to the side, and the young man crumpled to the ground like a marionette with cut strings, knocked instantly unconscious by the force of his own brain being slammed against the inside of his skull.

The crash of his armoured form hitting the floor was followed by utter silence, broken only by Damien's own heavy breathing. He stared down at the young man, heart pounding with delayed adrenaline, feeling a wave of numbness slowly wash through him and replace the panic that had driven him to action.

God, forgive me... is this what I've become? Is this what You wanted when you brought us together, or have I truly lost myself so badly?

“Damien?”

The soft utterance of his name snapped Damien out of his trance, and he turned, shaking off the fog. Gerald had closed the distance between them in his moment of distraction and was now standing only a couple feet away, staring at Damien as if he'd never seen the Knight before, grey eyes wide. He didn't say anything else aloud, but he didn't need to; the link between them was saturated with emotion. Shock, wonder, gratitude, a fading echo of wariness...

And something else. Something so strong, so deeply felt, that it took Damien's breath away all over again. A sense of devotion, almost akin to his own fierce faith in God yet so much more personal, flooding through the link between their souls. A dizzying awareness that a line had been crossed, and a promise made: not with words, but with actions, unable to be taken back or misinterpreted. Gerald was wholly aware of what Damien had just declared, by stepping between himself and his descendant, by striking out at Andrys in defence of the Hunter – and he was returning the sentiment tenfold.

There would be time to put it all into words later. Damien took a deep breath, finally feeling the ground firm beneath his feet once more, his world steadying from where it had tilted on its axis in the moment he thought that Gerald was going to die.

“Time to grab what we came for and get the Hell out of here,” he said, mouth dry. “I'd say we're pretty definitively out of time.”

As Gerald nodded and turned to find the books they'd risked so much for, Damien moved to help, marveling at the way the link remained open and resonating between them, emotions flowing freely back and forth – and wondering what it meant for the state of his immortal soul that none of those emotions, from either end of the link, was anything like regret.

[spaceyflowerswriting]

Hello! I came across your blog and read ur vin jin one shot and fell in love TT. If you dont mind could you write another vin jin one shot with reader on a study date? Thank you!!

studying, kind of (vin jin x reader)

details: fluffy oneshot, gender neutral reader but written in 2nd pov, general canon au, you and vin jin are dating

summary: you do your best to help your troublesome boyfriend study.

a/n: hi!! and no worries, thank u for requesting, anon <33 im really glad u liked my other vin jin oneshot ;_; its always fun writing him !! 💖

erm,, i kind of expanded on the study date thing but i hope this still works for u T_T

×

"Mary, S-O-fucking-S. My partner lied to me. They said we were gonna hang out!!!!!!"

"What?"

"They're forcing me to study instead!!!!"

"Lol deserved."

"NO!!! I NEED HELP!!!!!"

Vin Jin's phone nearly flew out of his hands when he heard you re-enter the room--your bedroom to be specific. He fumbled with it and then turned to you, totally not looking like he was up to no good. The second you smiled he melted and started to feel a tiny bit guilty for trying to escape. He pocketed his phone as you sat down next to him.

There was a plate of cut up apples with a fork and a glass of water in your hands that you set down on the low table between you two. He looked at them and then back at you with mild confusion.

"They're for you," you clarified, and he said a, "Oh, thanks!" before eating a piece of fruit. You took a moment to adore him before clearing your throat. He immediately paused his chewing as you began to speak, "Look. I know you don't want to do this, but if you fail the upcoming test, your grade is in serious trouble."

"So?"

The bluntness in his one-word response somehow caught you by surprise, despite how unsurprising it was. You just sighed a little. "That means you could be held back. Mary and I are going to move on without you."

"If you guys really cared, y'all would fail with me--ow!"

You left your hand on his arm where you had lightly whacked him, to give him a little shake. "I'm serious, Vin. Just once you have to get yourself together."

Vin Jin shrugged your hand off. "Okay, listen. I'm trying to become a rapper, right?" He stayed silently still until you eventually nodded and he went back to animatedly talking. "Right! So what the fuck has math got to do with rapping?!"

Internally, you groaned. "Nothing!! But you still need to graduate from this school!!"

"Why!!"

"So you can have a high school degree!!"

"I don't need that to be a rapper!!"

"Well, I want you to have one anyways!!" Before he could yell out another, "Why!!" (because you knew he would), you grabbed ahold of his face and had him look at you directly in the face. "Please, Vin."

He goes quiet and for probably half a minute, there's nothing but somewhat tense silence. Soon, he gave in, though. His hands clasped over yours and he replied, "Alright. Fine. Only because you're my lover."

You thinned your lips. At least he was agreeing now. "Just keep in mind this is also for your own sake."

"Sure..."

While he pouted, you grabbed your bag nearby and took out a bunch of materials, sorting through them and placing them on the table. "Grab your stuff, too, hun."

"Okay..."

His tone had you thinning your lips again, except out of sympathy this time. You poked his thigh to get his attention and said, "Before we start, I should let you know the plan. We're going to study for a little over an hour." You held your index finger up to stop him from interrupting. "But, we're going to take 5 minute breaks every 25 minutes. In other words, that's studying for 25 minutes 3 times, with 2 breaks totaling up to 10 minutes of break time. That doesn't sound too bad, right?"

A flurry of emotions went through Vin Jin's expression until it settled on indifference. He gave you a nod and you smiled.

"Good! You'll be okay, Vin." You leaned in to kiss his cheek and then set up a timer on your phone. You slid over your notebook next to begin going over the notes you took to prepare for the test.

He still seemed kind of grumpy as he listened, but your kiss definitely lightened him up. He also seemed to feel better after finishing up the apples and water you brought for him.

~

When your alarm rang, Vin Jin yelled, "Finally!" as he yawned and leaned into you. "I'm gonna nap."

"That's fine," you hummed.

He turned his head a bit to look at you. "Oh shit, for real?"

"Yes." You continued flipping through the textbook in front of you. "Short naps are a way to still be productive during your breaks for this method of studying. It's backed up by science or something."

"Damn, that's crazy." Vin Jin turned back. "Well, good night."

You chuckled. "Good night."

And that was how he chose to spend the next break as well. Looking forward to the nap actually somewhat motivated him, and so did your kisses. He occasionally asked for them as rewards whenever he was right when you quizzed him or whatever "I can't remember the answer... if you kiss me, I might though," was.

It seemed like the first kiss you gave him on the cheek earlier worked better than you thought.

~

After the third 25 minute session ended, you genuinely felt pride in your non-studious boyfriend for sitting through this with you. Of course, the only proper thing to do was give him a kiss on the lips.

"Good job, Vin, you made it!" You beamed at him after pulling away. "We'll do this throughout the week and then hopefully you should be prepared for the test by then!" Your smile faltered a bit when you noticed your boyfriend looking off to the side. A look of curiosity replaced your current look as you stared at him, not saying anything because it seemed like he had something to say.

His cheeks were a little flushed as he cleared his throat and muttered, "Geez, am I a kid or something...?"

Lighthearted laughter spilled from your lips. "I'm just proud of you! It looked like you were putting in effort, so I'm happy."

"Good, because I kinda was." He crossed his arms, still looking embarrassed. "A-anyways, did you say we're doing this for the rest of the week?" You nodded. "Alright. I guess it's not so bad if it's with you..." In an attempt to change the focus on him, he forced a laugh and finally turned to look at you, saying, "You're a lot better than Mary at teaching, y'know?"

You couldn't help but grin. "I'm sure she did her best."

"Well, her best sucks."

"Uh-huh." You shook your head, softly laughing before stretching a little. "So, what do you want to do now? We can get takeout or something as a reward for all your hard work."

"Really?!" This time he pulled you in to kiss your cheek. "I don't know why you're being so nice to me, but hell, I ain't complaining."

You playfully rolled your eyes. "The work-hard-and-recieve-a-reward system seems to be the only thing keeping you motivated to study so that's what I'm doing."

"Hey, now that sounds like you're treating me like a dog!"

"It's working though~"

"I change my mind, you're as awful as Mary."

The bickering continued even after you both left the house to get takeout of Vin Jin's choice. Things cooled by the time you two began eating though, and before the both of you knew it, nighttime had fallen.

Of course, Vin Jin spent the night at your place. To him, spending time with you was the biggest reward of all in this whole new studying schedule thing.

~

"Can you believe it, Mary?! They actually made me like studying. Fucked up."

"That's them, for ya~ I don't actually think you like studying, though. It's just hanging out with them, hehe."

"Ugh... whatever."

[tigerdrop]

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

[yukipri]

On the Baratie, Prologue - a One Piece Mermaid AU Text Story

Thanks to everyone who sent in their opinion on the East Blue stories poll! I think Sanji’s had the most, so we’re starting off with more Baratie!

While there’ll be a continuation, here’s a bit of prelude, because they need a different reason to go to the Baratie. The ASL Pirates already have a cook after all!

Like a prologue to On the Baratie, Part 1

~~

When Thatch makes up his mind to accompany Ace back to East Blue, he knows that there's one place he wants to visit no matter what.

He's only been to East Blue once, and it was honestly ages ago, and he doubts there'll be another chance in the near future. Not many opportunities to visit the weakest Blue as a commander in an Emperor's crew, after all.

And while Thatch doubts he'd travel halfway around the world for the sole purpose of visiting this spot, he's lucky. Because on this particular trip, it's practically along the way. They're passing right by the area on their way back to re-entering the Grand Line, so there's no way in hell he's letting this slip by.

It's the only request Thatch has made on this journey, and Ace and Luffy, who are the Captains and therefore technically get to decide where they go, have no objections. Luffy's already bobbing up and down in excitement, despite their guides estimating that they still have a ways to go.

"The Baratie, huh," Ace grins. "Never heard of it, we didn't pass by our first time through, did we Deuce?"

"You've never heard of it because you lived in the middle of nowhere, in a jungle with barely any contact with human civilization," Deuce says pointedly. "Most people in East Blue at least know of it, it's kinda famous."

Ace just shrugs, and Luffy whoops as the movement of his shoulders momentarily boosts her higher. Ace indulges her and repeats the movement more aggressively until she's bouncing, and Deuce sighs. The two captains' attentions have shifted, and now they're preoccupied by the most important topic of all: food.

"Food~!" Luffy sings, hopping from one arm to the other as Ace switches to spinning her around, and Deuce has to duck to avoid her tail. "Yummy yummy food at a restaurant! It's gonna be amazing!"

"It really will be amazing, if Zeff hasn't lost his touch," Thatch agrees, and Luffy and Ace cheer. "I've never eaten at this restaurant of his, but I was a fan of the Cook Pirates when I was a kid." 

His expression darkens, and Ace stills, recalling that Thatch mentioned they all died or something.

"Sucks what happened to them," Ace offers.

But Thatch just shrugs. It was around a decade ago, and shit happens out at sea. "I'm just glad Zeff survived. He'll have trained the new cooks well, and it'll be funny to see the old man actually settled down as a civilian."

Thatch was still a teen the last time he saw Zeff, who was Captain of the infamous Cook Pirates back in the day. They were always picking fights, and picked the wrong one with Pops, and predictably lost. Pops let them live, and they had a grand party, and Thatch remembers being captivated by their culinary expertise.

Thatch chuckles to himself, and the two brothers look at him curiously, blinking with adorably similar expressions.

"I just remembered, Zeff tried to scout me. Pops wasn't thrilled."

Ace barks a laugh, hefting Luffy into a more comfortable position before she suddenly squirms out of his arms. Luffy makes a grabby motion towards Thatch, and Ace obligingly if reluctantly moves closer to let her swing up onto the taller man's shoulders.

Thatch perks up at the sudden attention, because it's not every day that the little mermaid chooses to climb someone other than her brother. Thatch knows she doesn't need it, but offers her a hand to get settled more comfortably, which she takes with a pleased little purring sound that makes his heart skip a beat. Thatch pointedly doesn't look at Ace, but he can still feel his burning gaze.

He's not sure what prompted the sudden transport transfer, but suddenly Luffy's leaning forward over his shoulder to peer directly into his face, and she's close. Thatch tries very hard not to blush.

"But if the Zeff-dude cooks are that good, are they better than you, Thatch?" Luffy asks, eyes wide. "That can't be right, because Thatch's food is the best in the world! Better than even Makino's!"

Those words do make Thatch flush crimson, and Ace snorts. Thatch ignores him, too busy trying to control the warmth bubbling up inside his chest.

Thatch doesn't think he's arrogant, but he also isn't unused to his food being praised. As ungrateful as most of his brothers back aboard the Moby usually are, he's still the head chef who leads the culinary division of their entire fleet, and it's a position he's earned. He's personally trained and assigned all of the cooks on every Whitebeard ship. He knows he cooks well.

But there's something special about Luffy's unique brand of painfully genuine praise. Even though they've been traveling together for a few weeks now, she never gets bored of singing her appreciation at every mealtime with, if anything, increasing enthusiasm. It's like every time is her first time trying his food. Thatch in no way needs her compliments to adore her, he was besotted far before she even knew he was a cook, but boy does he appreciate them, and he doubts he'll ever really get used to them.

Thatch has been called the "Best Cook in the World" by many, and he'd accepted their words politely. But to hear them from Luffy feels like the highest honor he can ever attain.

Thatch feels unbearably fond as he reaches up to fluff Luffy's hair, and she leans into his hand, eyes curving up into slits like a happy kitten, her tail curling back and forth at his back.

Ace cheerfully ruins their moment.

"We'll just have to see, Lu, and maybe if you like their cooking better, we can ditch Thatch and kidnap one of their cooks." Ace leers like the evil little shit he is, and Thatch gasps with exaggerated indignation.

"No, no!" Luffy boos her brother, clinging to Thatch like he's the embodiment of all the meals Ace had threatened she'd lose, before she swings her tail around to smack at Ace none too gently until he grudgingly raises his arms in surrender.

"If we like their cooking, then we can keep Thatch AND kidnap one of their cooks!"

"Lil Seastar, you're not satisfied with just me, even if my food is the best in the world?" Thatch teases, and sticks his tongue out at Ace when he scowls. The young Captain isn't so thrilled with Thatch's new nickname for his baby brother, and Thatch thinks it's fair revenge for him being mean. 

"Thatch's food is the best!" Luffy cries again, and Thatch glows. "But if we steal a Zeff, then we have two cooks, which means more food!" She nods, pleased with her conclusion. "More food is always good!"

Well, she's a little confused, but her point is made. They hopefully won't steal Zeff himself, as Thatch doubts he'll be happy to part with his beloved restaurant, but perhaps nabbing one of his assistants isn't a terrible idea.

While handling even Ace and Luffy's appetites is no problem for Thatch, who's used to feeding the entire Moby Dick, some company in the kitchen might not be bad.

(And, a voice whispers in his head, that they'll need a cook that Thatch approves of when he inevitably has to leave to return to Pops. It's a voice Thatch ignores, so that he can enjoy this moment, for now.)

~~

~~

I don't think it's actually ever officially stated whether Thatch's Division is actually in charge of dining, but there are other divisions that are specified, so I thought it would be interesting, so I made it that way ^ ^;

(Edit: Actually it IS explicitly stated that the 4th Division is in charge of dining, this is canon and not just a headcanon whee~!)

And if Thatch as the head of the cooking division, then to me it makes sense that he'd be insanely good at it, not just your average chef. Because I mean, they're the Whitebeard pirates. And sure, they're not as food-centric as the Big Mom Pirates, but the WBs always have quality. Cooking, I feel, is a lot more subjective than say, "Strongest Swordsman in the World" but I don't think it'd be a stretch to say that Thatch is Up There.

This isn't at all to shit on canon!Sanji or his cooking which is probably also insanely good, but Sanji's a lot younger, and the places he's been, the people he's learned from, and the people he's cooked for are far more limited. He, like everyone else, is learning rapidly by stepping out into a far larger world.

Thatch, in comparison, has been on the Grand Line for a loooooong time, traveling with the most infamous crew currently in existence, and probably has picked up a LOT of things from a lot of people. While he doesn't have an official canon age, given the ages of the other Commanders (Marco 45; Jozu 42; Vista 47), I'm putting him at 41 here. That's decades of difference in experience.

It's one of the reasons why I think exploring Thatch and Sanji's mentor-rival relationship in this AU could be so much fun, because think of how much Sanji could grow with someone like Thatch in the crew.

Luckily, Sanji's dream is to find All Blue, not to defeat the cooking equivalent of Mihawk in Iron Chef Grand Line, so outside of fighting for the heart of the love of their lives, I think they can get along quite well ^ ^;

(also do u like his nickname for Lu. I had to consult a friend. But I think it's beginning to stick for me ^ ^;)

As always, any thoughts or comments make my day! Thanks for reading <3

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

Read the next part: 👒🐟On the Baratie, Part 1

~This ask has been added to the Mermaid AU Text Headcanons Compilation post~

[chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky]

Hi everyone! I know this is random, but I accidentally plotted an entire S7 canon divergent ending, which included Cadogan and Clarke + disciples doing the “test” and Cadogan inadvertently killing all his people through the desire for power (not Bellamy – Clarke traded herself), Clarke returning and everyone thinking she killed them all, lots of healing and forgiveness, a thriving city and finally Bellarke, cozy domestic Bellarke, and then the Anomaly takes Clarke away because everyone has to pass the ‘test’ and she already did, so they’re separated for 3 years while the rest of the people earn their place (takes a while because they all collectively share *one brain cell* and Clarke usually holds it), then Clarke returns when they pass and Bellarke is back to being cozy, but excited to be reunited. Which is why Clarke is a little lighter and Bellamy is, well, more Bellamy. Don’t ask, lol. I had this thought of a beautiful, domestic day between the two of them and I had to write it down. Please forgive me, but I needed to write this fluff and angst.

When he wakes up, his arm reaches across the bed and finds no one there. Bellamy’s first reaction is to panic, sitting straight up in the bed. Except one of the pillows had a dent in it, so someone was there, they just aren’t there anymore. He presses his hand against the sheets of the bed and they’re cold, the person long since left.

Sighing, Bellamy takes off the covers and shivers when his toes hit the farmhouse floor. The world is still relatively dark, the sun peeking over the mountains in the distance. He notices a pot of coffee in the kitchen, making his way to the house.

She’s where he thought he’d find her.

On the porch is a suspended love seat that swings back and forth, a figure covered in a blanket with a cup in their hands. The sun is pouring the world in color and light, and it hits her face in a way that makes her look like magic and fills his chest up with a contentment he never thought he’d have. He never understood visual art the way Clarke did, the colors and lines something he’d never tire of hearing about from her, but he’d never understand.

Then again, he’s looking at Clarke now and maybe he does.

Walking over to her, Bellamy opens the blanket and slides to her side, Clarke not even flinching. Of course she knew he was there, turning her head to smile at him in that way that made his heart flip. Sometimes Bellamy has to remind himself that she’s still her, that it isn’t a dream. He’s often dreamt of Clarke through their various separations, but he never thought he’d have an ending as gentle as this.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Clarke beams at him, resting her head on his shoulder and offering him her drink. He takes a sip of the coffee, the taste bitter and harsh, waking him up a bit. “I fell asleep fine, I’m just not entirely used to how quiet it is here.”

Bellamy frowns at that. “You were on Earth by yourself for three years. Wasn’t it quiet?”

“Well, not in the way you’re thinking.” She offers, Clarke’s honestly for her life more astounding every day. Something happened in that separation that crumbled her walls, and she offered thoughts and stories freely. Bellamy could spend the rest of his life listening to them, and marvels at the idea that he may just get that. “The earth was still healing, so it was very loud. The wind, the earthquakes. I got used to it after a month or so. It’s very strange to come here when it’s so quiet.”

He tries not to be upset listening to it, but it was a fact of life, he supposes. “You’ll get used to this too,” he saying, giving her the cup back and wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close.

Looking up at him, her eyes shine in the sunlight. “Promise?”

She’s sitting there and the wind is in her hair. The world is drenched in purples and blues and pinks, and everything is quiet. Dipping his head down, he presses her lips against his and thinks I promise, I promise, I promise.

***

“So when was it for you?”

Bellamy startles, shaking his wet curls after they’d showered – together, then apart, then together again. Running a towel through his hair, he peeks out of the bathroom. “What do you mean?”

Clarke’s in the middle of the room in her underwear, pulling her jeans up, the scars from her time alone present and shimmering. He plans on asking her about every single one, hearing every story, learning the lines of her body until he could speak it from memory. She grins at him when she notices him staring at her, lifting her eyebrows. He laughs and shakes his head.

“I mean,” Clarke continues, rummaging around the room until she finds a shirt. “When did you start having feelings for me?”

Bellamy recoils a bit. Not because he doesn’t want to talk about it, but because he’s spent his whole life loving Clarke. Or, at least, it felt that way. Frowning, Bellamy offers, “Attracted to or in love with?”

“Both, sounds fun.”

He rolls his eyes. “I was pretty attracted to you the entire time, to be honest.” He muses, hard to think of the dropship days without reminding himself of everyone they lost. “You yelled at me and I was done.”

Snorting, Clarke walks over to where he is and presses herself against his back and wraps her arms around his chest. “Such a romantic.”

“I can’t help it,” He says pressing a kiss against her forearm. “I realized I started to have actual feelings for you after you said that if I needed forgiveness, you’d give it to me. I didn’t realize… I needed to hear that. And I had no idea it would come from you.”

Clarke rests her face against his back and he can feel her smile. “And when I realized I loved you – when you killed Atom for me.”

Turning around, Bellamy faces her. Placing his hand under her chin, he tilts her head up to him. “First time you bore it, so someone didn’t have to. I was done.”

“Well, that’s annoying.”

Whatever he expected her to say, that wasn’t it. Barking a laugh, he repeats, “Annoying?”

“We could’ve been together for so much longer, had you ever said anying?”

He laughs, free and easy, placing his hands against her face and planting a kiss. “Alright you, what was your time?”

Clarke giggles and pulls herself out of his embrace. “Way later than that.”

“Oh my god—”

She laughs at him and he isn’t sure he could ever tire of hearing it. “I was attracted to you when I asked if you had a gun?”

Bellamy fixes her a look. “Really? That did it?”

“Please, like you weren’t trying to turn everyone with a pulse on.”

He supposes he has to give her that.

“Love,” Clarke’s face falls a bit. “I-I don’t think I precisely knew when I started loving you, but I remember when I realized it.”

Bellamy stills, leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom.

“When we reunited after the dropship. I thought you were dead and that I killed you, then suddenly you were there. It felt like I could breathe for the first time, and I hadn’t even realized I was holding my breath. When I hugged you, I don’t know… everything fell into place.”

She’s sitting on the bed, hair wet, shirt in her hands. Joining her, Bellamy takes her hand and brings it into her lap. “Yeah, I get that.”

Clarke leans into him, squeezing his hand. Pressing a kiss in her hair, she smells of soap and possibilities. “I really get that.”

***

“Platonic love of my life!”

When Clarke shouts, Bellamy startles, still not entirely used to how open she is. She’d been holding his hand and pressing kisses against his arm and he thinks he’s never felt so loved. Bellamy never knew how much he needed physical affection, but it was like Clarke knew and she was willing to drown him in it. It all felt very safe, which scares him more than he can say.

But when she shouts at a figure, he can’t help but roll his eyes.

Clarke jumps and they catch her, swinging her around in a hug. Jackson walks up to Bellamy, pretending to be aghast. “Oh look, my husband found his girlfriend.”

Bellamy snorts. “My girlfriend found her boyfriend.”

Clarke and Miller laugh, the woman kissing him on the cheek and Miller grabbing her arm fondly. The two link arms and Bellamy shakes his head, filling with fondness and family. “Actually, we were going to get some lunch at the bakery, do you want to join?” He asks Jackson.

“Did you say lunch at the bakery?” Miller calls from a few yards away. “Hell yeah!”

Bellamy rolls his eyes as Jackson says with as much love as a person can hold. “Looks like I don’t have a choice.” He snorts. “Yeah man, gotta give the two of them time to make us question our relationships.”

Bellamy isn’t sure when Clarke and Miller became so close, but he knows it directly has to do with him. His time as a disciple sent cracks in all his relationships, none more so than Miller. He came back to the man a stranger. He found him standing next to Clarke, as protective as a person can be, angry and hurt. It took a while to repair their relationship, and again when Clarke was taken from them.

But as they sit in the bakery, sandwiches placed before him, Bellamy can’t help but be grateful for the man, and everything he’s given both of them.

“We were reminiscing about how Bellamy was such a manwhore in the early days.” Clarke offers, picking at her sandwich. Bellamy frowns at that, her appetite quite sad after being alone for such a long time.

Miller barks a laugh, tilting his head back. The two of them are sitting on the same side of the booth, their loves forced to watch from across the table with exasperation and fondness. “Man, you did a U-turn into nerd real quick.”

Clarke picks off a piece of bread and plays with it. “He’s been a nerd the whole time. He was trying to compensate for it.”

“You know, I’m not sure if I’m loving this friendship.” Bellamy says dryly.

“We don’t care.” Is the communal response.

Bellamy shares a look with Jackson.

“Well, you’re one to talk, Clarke. You have your share of annoying history.” Miller offers, taking a drink of water. “When you were gone, you know how many times this one offered to sacrifice herself? I swear to god, I thought I was watching a puppy.”

Bellamy’s surprised. Miller doesn’t often offer up details from that time, but Clarke laughing at him and he’s smiling and something seems to slot back together.

“I don’t know how you did it for so long, man.” Miller says, biting his sandwich. Through bites, he says, “I felt like I was losing it. I needed to know how to stop it.”

“If only I had that power.”

Clarke chuckles at both of them.

“You know,” Jackson says. “I never really knew how you two became close.”

“Yeah,” Miller offers. “I got the impression you didn’t really like me in the beginning.”

“I didn’t.” Clarke says and Miller elbows her. With a loud laugh, she continues, “It was actually because of him.” Clarke states, pointing to Bellamy. “He said if anything ever happened to him, to keep you close. I didn’t know he was planning on running from the Chancellor since he shot him at that time, but he said he trusted you. That was enough for me.”

Bellamy catches Miller’s eye. He still sees the anger and betrayal there, but the love is more. The respect is back, having clawed his way up.

“How did you ever get acquitted of that?” Jackson asks through bites. “No one really knew – we all thought you’d be executed and then it just… didn’t happen.”

Bellamy turns to Clarke. She smiles at him softly, the way she did all those years ago. Nodding at her, Bellamy takes a bite of his own sandwich. She smiles and he feels warm and whole, something he never thought he’d be.

***

They’re standing in a field of flowers and Clarke is laughing.

It sounds like sunlight and she looks like stardrops and everything is beautiful.

“I just can’t believe this is really happening.” He finds himself saying aloud, unable to stop it. “That you’re here, we’re together, and there’s nothing to fight.”

Clarke stops wading through the flowers and turns to him. Marching over to where he is, she places a hand against his cheek. “Together.”

He covers his hand with hers and holds it there, thinking that if there’s a moment he’d like to relive for the rest of his life, he would gladly have today.

***

There’s a single restaurant in Sanctum, started by a few original citizens and Murphy. Bellamy had put on the nicest clothes he owned and sucked in a breath when he saw Clarke step out in a flowing blue dress, a handful of daisies in her hair. The two of them sit in the restaurant and it all feels very simple and normal – two words he never thought would describe the two of them.

Someone pours wine, another person brings food, and the two of them sit, looking out at Sanctum, their new home. When he sees her, he thinks his heart will explode, his skin still burns from her touch, and he thinks he could spend the rest of his life learning her.

“I have a favor to ask.” He says when the room quiets. Reaching out, he grabs her hand. “Did you know?”

Clarke looks at him, confused. “Know what?”

“Did you know the Anomaly was going to take you?”

Clarke frowns. It’s the one thing she really doesn’t like to talk about, but he can’t help but think it is all fragile, their life. “Not really, but,” she says distantly. “I knew something was going to happen. It wasn’t until it was actually happening did all the pieces come together. I knew… that story wasn’t over, I just felt it.”

Bellamy figured as much. He remembers the day she was taken, her resolve. It reminded him a lot of the day before the Death Wave – her resolute ending. “If you ever feel something like that, would you mind letting me know? I don’t think I could bare another three years without you.”

Clarke smiles and his chest fills and the world settles in a peace he longs to fill his lungs. “I have no intention of leaving.” She says.

“Good, because you’re in this with me, Griffin. Until the very end.”

She leans across the table and catches his lips. He doesn’t care people are watching, he doesn’t care about any of it. All he knows is he has her, his world is safe because she is his world.

They will have one normal day after another normal day, until they string together into a lifetime. Maybe that’s the true art, he muses. Not tragedy, not the epic stories. But a tapestry of quiet and safety, until the end of time.