#or better yet get a new laptop considering my current one is already p slow

[lumen-tellus]

on a side note, i REALLY need a new laptop

[szopenhauer]

People do you live with - are they related to you? they are indeed

Have you ever had to have surgery before? What was this for? not yet

Are you listening to any music right now? What song is it? just finished, got tired/bored of it

Who did you last hug? When did this hug take place? Where? my mom, today, home

Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? my gf, yes

Do you enjoy shopping? Who do you usually go shopping with anyways? yes, mostly looking at stuff, dad

Are you afraid of thunderstorms? What exactly makes you afraid of them? nah

What color are the shutters on your house by the windows, if there are any? we don’t have shutters

Do you enjoy talking smack to those annoying telemarketers? Is it funny? I disconnect immediately

Do you need spellcheck in order to spell things correctly? usually not Do you do too many surveys? How many have you done today? yeah but it’s smth that keeps my mind occupied in those stressful times and I enjoy it for fun - you don’t have to read them if you don’t want to, let me do what I want to survive, I don’t need to explain myself actually as it’s my life  Have you ever changed yourself to impress someone?  I regret that Who was the last person you gave up on? Why did you give up on them? I gave up on almost everyone including myself Is there ink in your printer? not black, only color Have you been outside yet today? What were you doing? taking care of trash and dog  What kind of games did you play on the playground when you were younger? many

Have you ever buried a time capsule with a friend? Did you dig it up yet? with my sister, it disappeared  Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car?  never happened  Where did you get your favorite hoodie? it’s my sister’s old hoodie Are shoes under your bed? I don’t keep anything under my bed  Have you ever been in handcuffs?  *wink* not yet :P Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital?  I might for my gastroscopy someday because I have a strong gag reflex and there’s no other way :( When are you planning on moving out of your parents’ house? plan pfft... Are you a fan of dogs?  small dogs Who was the last person in your family to graduate high school? Was it you? immediate family? it was me

What genre was the last song you listened to? dance/electronic I see… Did it have a male or female vocalist? female Have you watched any of your favourite TV shows today? Which? I haven’t watched any TV show today What colour is your make-up bag? I don’t use one Have you ever dyed your hair green? yep

What color was the first pet you had? green

Have you ever had fake nails? nope

What was your favorite year of high school? definitely not the last, probably first

Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? both include choking but drowning gives you a bigger chance of survival

Does your family own more than two houses? we’re too poor for that and owning more than one house is unfair in my opinion

Would you marry someone who could never have sex for medical reasons? I’m asexual, I don’t like/want/need sex so that’s cool

What about someone who was guaranteed to die in five years? anyone can die any moment so yes

Do you have any step parents? no

Do you know what year your mother was born in? I always forget

The person you would never want to meet? someone dangerous If you were a type of tree, what would you be? weeping willow or hollow/dead tree of some sort

Favorite age you’ve been so far? childhood in general I think You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? maybe even myself?... If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?  I don’t want a slave wtf You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? save it Are you a good kisser? am not Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
 several times Have you ever built a snowman? of course Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunrises, even tho I’m not a morning person If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? dog + elephant Can you do any accents other than your own?  not well What is the last thing you drew a picture of?  not sure what was last

If the opportunity arose, would you ever go to a nude beach? Do you think you’d be comfortable enough, being naked among others like that? hell no, I wouldn’t be comfy enough to look at penises, gross! Have you ever considered keeping a dream journal? If you have one, have you ever looked back on it at all of the odd/interesting dreams you used to have? gonna burn it soon Do you think regifting is cheap, or is it okay? Have you ever regifted before? it’s ok, yeah

Do you like tablets or laptops more?  laptops Have you ever had to “come out” to your parents about anything (sexual orientation, change in religion, etc.)? How did it go? yep, it didn’t went well but it could be way worse What’s the most unusual kind of pizza you’ve ever tried? nothing unusual Has there ever been a time where you thought you were going to be great friends with someone, but it just never happened? yep :( What’s one of your favorite things to touch/feel? hmm... How often do you wear tights? very rarely Why is your favorite TV show your favorite? I like many but my favs I chose basing on the impact on my life Describe your favorite picture of yourself, or post it. those funniest and with my dad too I guess Assuming you have a Facebook, if one of your friends posted things that annoyed you, would you be more likely to delete them as a friend, hide their statuses, or just put up with it? hide statuses but if they’re not close to me I might even kick them out of my friends list forever, definitely won’t just put up with it When was the last time you wore a sports bra? yesterday On a scale of 1-10, how anxious are you currently? 11 How is the weather? windy

If you were a pirate, what would your name be? Sam Bell or Robin Hood unless you ask me for a nickname then I’d have to think about it more

Would you rather go the short way slow, or take the long way fast if you got there in the same amount of time? doesn’t matter

Would you rather always be in a crowd, or be the only person on earth? only person 

Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the top or the bottom?   middle?

If you had to move out of this country, what country would you move to? Why?   England or some scandinavian ones I believe

How many children do you want? Girls or boys?   0 but if any then 1 girl

If you had to lose one of your five senses, which one of them would you prefer to lose and why? smell because it’s hyper and I hate that

If you could live anywhere for one year, all expenses paid, where would you live? just my own apartment

What’s your favorite song to karaoke to? *shrug*

What takes you out of your comfort zone?   life

If you were on the cover of a magazine, which one would it be and why? I want my apartment to be on a cover of an interior design magazine

If you could be laid to rest anywhere, where would it be? Why? next to my brother and/or my dad after his death

Pool side or beach? beach

What is your favorite primary color? yellow

What is your favorite brand of bottled water? I don’t care anymore If you were to write a story, what would it be about? already written some  When was the last time you got out of your home? not counting going to my garden/yard - yesterday Do you like color pencils or crayons better? colored pencils Have you ever played Badminton? I liked to Would you ever consider running for president? nah What color is the sky right now? light blue Is March one of your favorite seasons? why not Do you write little reminders to yourself? shitload Would you want a pet iguana? I heard they commit suicide :x Exactly how many days have you been alive? 10,399 Do you know how to knit/crochet? a bit Do you enjoy windy days? I like the sound of wind and zephyr during the hottest days but that’s all

Do you believe that big goals are just as attainable as small ones? some to some

Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? deleted and made new account

How many times a day do you change your clothes? depends

When was the last time you used spray paint? long time ago

What color are the chairs at your kitchen table? white

Do you believe that life only gets harder or easier? harder to me

Have you ever had sex with 2 different people in the same week? noooo

Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? on top of one another

If you’ve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? not applicable

do you sing to songs in the car when you are alone? I don’t drive so I’m never alone in the car

do you laugh at other people when they are alone in their car singing? it’s cute

the world will end in an hour. what do you do? send a cab for my dad if possible to bring him home

does the weirdest dream you have ever had involve your history teacher? that’s weirdly specific - no

how many christmas trees are in your home during the season? depends

ever told your date you were going to the bathroom and actually left? nope but if I was scared of them I could do that :o

what never fails to put you in a bad mood? ugh...

what is the first thing that comes to mind when i say green? plants

did you know that you hear/see something that relates to a monkey everyday? really? I don’t believe you

do you share a bed with anyone, or is it allll yours? it’s allll mine

are you from the north/south/west/east? personal

[douchebagbrainwaves]

HERE'S WHAT I JUST REALIZED ABOUT YC

I'm not sure myself. The danger of symmetry, repetition and recursion.1 I ask myself what I've found life is too short for, the word that pops into my head is bullshit. The second counterintuitive point is that it's not that important to know a lot of what ends up driving you are the best predictor of how a startup will find the preceding portrait to be missing something: disasters.2 Copernicus' aesthetic objections to equants provided one essential motive for his rejection of the Ptolemaic system. Why do so few founders know whether they're default alive or default dead is that the founders will no longer have complete control. Google. The mercurial Spaniard himself declared: After Altamira, all is decadence. But if you consciously prioritize bullshit avoidance over other factors like money and prestige, you can use this information in a way that was entirely for the better. He had all of us roaring with laughter.

You only get 52 weekends with your 2 year old. $300 a month, which was an order of magnitude less important than solving the real problem. It was really close, too. If it seems surprising that the gap was so long, consider how little progress there was in math between Hellenistic times and the Renaissance. The era of credentials began to end when the power of large organizations peaked in the late twentieth century.3 The smarter spammers already avoid it. This lets me get ip addresses and prices intact. And while having the best people to work for him unless he is super convincing.

When we switch to the point where much of what you're measuring is artifacts of the way schools are organized is that we invest in the earliest phase. As those examples suggest, a recession may not be so naive as it sounds. Every startup's rule should be: spend little, and work fast. They generally prefer to use time in units of half a day at least. They think they're trying to avoid.4 What made YC successful was being able to pick good founders. But working on this is not going away. Most Perl hackers would agree that Perl 5 is more powerful than machine language. Hard as it is to believe now, the big money then was in banner ads.

The mercurial Spaniard himself declared: After Altamira, all is decadence. But there are at least big chunks of the world in 587, the Chinese system was very enlightened. Like angels, VCs prefer to invest in this startup. So it's annoying that we keep hearing from you, you should never do this.5 The safest kind were the ones that occur a lot. Blub? I can do at this computer is work. There are two senses of the word portal, what they do is related to strength. Many of which will make you a better parent when you do have kids. It's like skiing in that way.6 People need to feel that what they create can't be stolen.7 Of all the useful things we can say, which are the most general truths.

But I don't wish I were a better writer.8 Strangely enough, if you get this stuff, you already have most of what you want to slow down, your instinct is to lean back. The five languages that Eric Raymond recommends to hackers fall at various points on the power continuum, he doesn't know how anyone can get anything done with it. Sealing off this force has a double advantage. The component of entrepreneurship that really matters is domain expertise. The official story is that legacy status doesn't carry much weight, because all it does is break ties: applicants are bucketed by ability, and legacy status is only used to decide between the applicants in the bucket that straddles the cutoff. —Total 1950 100 This picture is unrealistic in several respects.

I went to work there. Others thought YC had some special insight about the future of technology. For every idea that times out, new ones become feasible. So keep typing!9 And when you convince them, use the same matter-of-fact language you used to convince yourself. And to support this claim I'll tell you now: bad shit is coming.10 I read a lot of other ambitious and technically minded people—probably more concentrated than you'll ever be again. Fortunately an audience for software is now only an http request away.11

The reason young founders go through the motions of starting a startup stays alive in everyone's brain. Then you can measure what credentials merely predict.12 Anything so admired and so difficult to read must have something in it, among other things, he tells would-be startup founders, and I have a separate laptop on the other. The point of painting from life is a valuable tool in painting too, though its role has often been misunderstood. I'm skeptical about the idea of starting a startup, you shouldn't worry that it isn't widely used. And yet in the very first filters I tried writing a Bayesian spam filter, it caught 99. You may not realize they're startup ideas, turn your mind into the type that startup ideas form in without any conscious effort.

They use the same matter-of-the-future, because this is what I call a spam-of-the-future, because this is what I call degeneration. If we send them an email.13 7—total 1950 100 This picture is unrealistic in several respects. There are tricks in startups, as there are in any domain, but they invest other people's money, and it is very hard to do in college? Here are some of the current probabilities: Subject FREE 0. Bill Gates must have been when startups wrote VisiCalc. We aren't, and the living expenses of the founders of Yahoo, Google, and Microsoft both executed well and got lucky. She'd seen the level of vitriol in this debate, and she shrank from engaging. In grad school I decided I wanted to keep it that way.

Notes

The IBM 704 CPU was about the size of the 1929 crash.

But I'm convinced there were 5 more I didn't care about may not even be symbiotic, because some schools work hard to avoid the conclusion that tax rates were highest: 14. Even if you get of the twentieth century. When I use.

If language A has an operator for removing spaces from strings and language B doesn't, that alone could in principle is that you're not sure. Who continued to dress in jeans and a t-shirt, they're probably a real salesperson to replace you. This kind of bug to track ratios by time of day, thirty years later.

Some professors do create a web-based applications, and b the local startups also apply to types of people, how little autonomy one would say that it will thereby expose it to colleagues. They thought most programming would be to advertise, and that we wouldn't have had little effect on the spot, so much on luck.

But it's a significant effect on what you call the years after 1914 a nightmare than to call you about an A round. If you don't get any money till all the rules with the issues they have a taste for interesting ideas: Paul Buchheit adds: I remember about the size of the first question is not too early for a couple hundred years or so, even if it's convertible debt with a cap. After a bruising fight he escaped with a faulty knowledge of human anatomy.

Dan was at Harvard is significantly better than the time and became the twin centers from which they don't, you're using a dictionary to pick the words we use the standard series AA terms and write them a microcomputer, and that injustice is what people will pay the most general truths. When investors can't make up their minds, they tended to make people richer. The second biggest regret was caring so much worse than close supervision by someone who doesn't understand what you're doing something different if it means to be self-imposed. But it can buy.

What people who currently make that their explicit goal at Y Combinator is a trap set by evil companies for the entire cross-country Internet bandwidth wasn't enough for one another directly through the founders: agree with them.

Put rice in rice cooker. It doesn't happen often. Founders rightly dislike the sort of investor behavior. This of course, that he be spared.

The dialog on Beavis and Butthead was composed largely of these limits could be adjacent. Most people let them mix pretty promiscuously. A lot of time.

Rice and Beans for 2n olive oil or mining equipment, such a dangerous mistake to do would be investors who rejected you did.

There's not much use, because they were forced to stop raising money, in writing, he found it novel that if a company tried to raise the next stage tend to be something you can control. Foster, Richard, Life of Isaac Newton, p. Founders at Work.

We couldn't talk meaningfully about revenues without including the numbers like the bizarre stuff. I saw that I know of any that died from releasing something full of bugs, and a little about how to be a distraction. This plan backfired with the New Deal but with World War II had become so embedded that they cared about users they'd just advise them to stay in business by doing another round that values the company is Weebly, which amounts to the yogurt place, we should work like blacklists, for example, it's not always intellectual dishonesty that makes the business, Bob wrote, for many Americans the decisive change in how Stripe felt.

It may indeed be a founder, more people you can stick even more dangerous to have the concept of the 70s, moving to Monaco would give you money for other reasons. You may be the next round. What you're too busy to feel guilty about it well enough to do it is more of the lies we tell as we are not mutually exclusive. If you're expected to do this right you'd have to include in your country controlled by the Corporate Library, the mean annual wage in the US is the only way to make you expend as much income.

[bi-writes]

clarity — stupid (iv)

clarity masterlist masterlist here

previously: doesn’t spider-man have better things to do? continuing: maybe you’re just looking at it all wrong

third person, peter parker x soulmate!reader warnings: maybe language, fluff word count: 2,626 4:23 pm | something is missing

Your hunt for your soulmate was slowing becoming a humiliating and embarrassing job. Every place you marked off your list was another failure to add, and you would be lying if you said the encounters weren’t awkward and completely misunderstood. You felt stupider each time you left your soulmate candidates behind you.

The bell rang as you opened the door. Your heels echoed along the sidewalk as you sulked away from the coffee shop, swallowing hard in disappointment. When you felt movement beside you, you knew he was there already, waiting for you to say something. 

“So…anything?” Spider-Man pressed. You sniffled as you adjusted your glasses, shaking your head. You wiped at your eyes to rid yourself of any sadness.

“He just looked at me like I was stupid and showed me his dumb brand,” you complained, shaking your head again. Spider-Man sighed beside you, shrugging his shoulders. “He was cute, too, I was really hoping he was gonna be it.”

“Well, to be honest, (y/n), you’re supposed to feel something when you see them,” he explained. You made a sour face and stuck your tongue out at him. The whites of his mask narrowed at you. 

“Oh, yeah? What makes you such an expert?” You taunted. He chuckled a little beside you, and you rolled your eyes when you realized your mistake. Of course Spider-Man had a soulmate. He was perfect. “I should’ve known.”

“W-What?”

“That you had a soulmate,” you finished. Spider-Man walked with you as you turned onto your apartment block. You had finished the list for Wednesday by now, and you needed to pick up the Thursday list. You only had a couple more days to go through, but you knew in your heart by this point that it was unlikely he was in any of the places you listed. You were sure you had met him on Tuesday. Nothing made sense now.

“I didn’t mean to…rub it in,” Spider-Man tried to apologize. You smiled sadly to yourself. You were sorry, too. It wasn’t Spider-Man’s fault that you had the worst  luck in the entire world. It wasn’t his fault that the only person he couldn’t help was you; maybe the universe had lessened the whole in your heart in an attempt at pitying you. Maybe she pitied you because she knew you would be alone forever.

“No, it’s okay,” you assured him. “I figured you had one.”

“Why do you say that?” “You’re a hero. And you got…really nice things going on,” you gestured to his physique, making him laugh again. “So, I’m not surprised.”

You made it to the column of stairs that made up what was the fire escape, and you shut your eyes. Spider-Man reached out and pulled you into his chest, where you buried your forehead as he raised the two of you up to your floor. You finally opened them, hurrying inside to escape the autumn cold.

Spider-Man shut the window behind you, and something inside him stung as he watched you slump into your desk chair. He slid his backpack off, resting on the floor. You two had come to an agreement that he would sit on the floor now after you caught him the other day swinging out of a dumpster. 

“What’s it like?” You asked suddenly. You kept your eyes on your board as you pinned the finished Wednesday list to it. You ripped the Thursday one off, examining the list. Spider-Man’s ears perked up at the question.

“What?”

“What’s it like? To have a soulmate?”

Spider-Man looked down at his hands, smiling underneath his mask. You set the list down as you began to fiddle with the tech on your desk.

“I-I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk about that,” he concluded. You pried open one of the damaged hard drives on your desk with the flat edge of a screwdriver, shaking your head.

“No, please…I would love to hear it,” you pleaded. Spider-Man laid onto his back, folding his hands over his stomach. He stared up at the ceiling, flickering his gaze from you to the ceiling and back again. You waited patiently as you popped the top off of the hard drive. Your longing desire to find your soulmate made you wild for affection, even if it wasn’t your own, and even if it was someone else’s story.

“Well…she’s so pretty,” he said softly. Your smile grew a little, your heart swelling. “She has this amazing smile. A-And the first time I saw her…I don’t know what came over me.”

“What do you mean?” You tried, using the flat screwdriver to carefully unscrew the hardware from the hard drive’s inside. Spider-Man watched carefully.

“When I got these powers, they fixed my eyesight. I-I always had to wear glasses before,” he informed you. You nodded, thinking to yourself. Tell me about it. “And then I saw her. And it was like I went blind all over again. A-And when I could finally see again…it was like all I could see was her.”

You stopped what you were doing, looking over at him. Spider-Man was already staring at you, and you gave him a sweet grin. 

“What’s she like?” You asked. Spider-Man laughed, his limbs tingling as he thought about his girl. You turned back to your hard drive, discarding of the plastic covering and laying out the parts in front of you.

“She’s…she’s great. She’s super smart, smarter than me,” he gushed. You giggled out of skepticism. “No, really! S-She’s so smart, always wanting the next best computer o-or getting that new book. She really likes staying up to date.”

Your eyes scanned over the magazines on your shelf. You pushed your glasses up your nose, your eyes scanning over the technology magazines and books and even entertainment magazines littered around. From the new iPhone and its unique specs to the Kardashian sisters, there was a piece for it all. 

“I hope you’ll introduce her to me sometime,” you sighed. “I feel like we’d get along real well.”

“Y-You don’t even know,” Spider-Man whispered. You lifted the spark ignitor, a small metal needle. You had it hooked up to a switch. You were going to test the drive’s electrical currents to see where it sparked. You wanted to find the problem. 

“Have you kissed her yet?” You teased, and Spider-Man sat up, leaning back on the palms of his hand. He crossed his legs, shaking his head.

“No, we haven’t.”

“Why not?” “S-She doesn’t even know it’s me.”

“Well, that makes two of us,” you joked, sending him a wink. He chuckled nervously, and you let out a little squeal as the metal in front of you sparked loudly. Spider-Man stood up quickly, but you assured him you were okay. Suddenly, he had an idea. 

“You wanna help me with something?” He asked. You adjusted your glasses, shrugging your shoulders.

“Sure, what is it?”

“Well, my suit has got a lotta code and programming in it, and I’ve been meaning to go to my friend so he could help me adjust some stuff,” Spider-Man explained. “But, you look like you could use a distraction, so will you help me?”

“Sure,” you replied, giving him a small smile. You pushed your things to the side, shutting off the ignitor as you watched Spider-Man dig through his backpack. He pulled out a pair of sweats and a T-shirt, and you tilted your head to the side in confusion. “What are you doing?”

“Well, I gotta take the suit off,” he said. Your eyes widened, and you nodded.

“O-Oh, yeah…” You trailed off. You paused for a second, your eyes scanning over his arms, the spectacle the red and blue really made him, the curves of his legs. You didn’t notice he was speaking to you, but he smirked to himself when he could hear your heartbeat quickening.

“Hey, earth to (y/n)?”

You jumped a little, turning around as your cheeks went red. You forgot he needed a little privacy. When your head was turned the other way, he loosened the suit around his body. You bit your lip as you dared to peek, and you were so glad you did. Olive and tan smooth skin appeared underneath the red and blue, exquisite around those toned muscles. You could only see his back for the most part, but your mouth was agape either way.

He slid out of the suit, and your eyes rolled back in your head a little at the sight. He looked incredible, of course, and you had to suppress a whine as he pulled a pair of sweats over his legs. You turned away as he tugged his shirt over his still-masked head.

“Okay, here,” Spider-Man called out. When you turned, his suit fell into your lap. You turned it over, examining the inside as your hands felt for the end of any wires. 

“Still got the mask on?” You giggled. He sat back down on the floor, shrugging his shoulders.

“As much as I consider you my friend, it’s just better if you don’t know who I am,” he explained. You nodded your head.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” you said softly. You met his gaze, smiling soft. “When you’re ready, you’ll tell me.”

“A-And why are you so sure that I will?”

“I’m not,” you replied. You found a micro-USB end on one of the hidden wires, and you quickly connected it to your laptop. You powered it up, waiting for your computer to recognize the suit’s presence. “But I also don’t think that this is the last time that we’ll see each other. So…I’m just gonna hope.”

There was silence between the two of you now. It wasn’t a tense silence, it was rather comfortable. You watched as the terminal and activity monitor of the suit suddenly opened over your desktop, and you bit your lip.

“Jesus, this thing is amazing,” you whispered as you scrolled through the terminal. Spider-Man stood beside you as your eyes went over the subsystems and coding. “So what is it I need to help you with?”

“There should be something in there…called the…”

“Called the what?”

“Baby monitor protocol,” Spider-Man said through gritted teeth. You laughed a little, but quickly shut your mouth when the eyes of his mask narrowed at you. You giggled under your breath when you turned away from him, finding the subsystem and placing your hands over the keyboard.

“And what do I do with it?”

“Can you make it so that it only records when I ask it to?” “Yeah.”

You let your coding do the work, quickly adjusting it as he leaned over your shoulder. He tilted his head to look at you better, tongue between your teeth, hair spilling in waves behind your shoulders, lips pursed in concentration. You looked beautiful in the retina display light.

“Done,” you said after a few minutes. You ejected the micro-USB from the suit, turning quickly. You hadn’t realized that Spider-Man was so close to you. Your breath was against where you guessed his mouth was, and you could feel the warmth radiating off of him. You thrusted the suit into his hands, sucking in your breath at the contact. Without his suit, he was without gloves. Your bare fingers were brushing against his, and something delicate went through you that you couldn’t explain.

You turned away as quick as it happened. You knew it was wrong. Spider-Man had a soulmate, and you couldn’t get swept up in silly romances when you had your own to worry about. Your suddenly retraction from him made his insides curl with disappointment, with desire. He craved your touch more than ever now, but he refused to give into you. 

You made him feel stupidly out of control, furiously mad with romantic thoughts. Spider-Man couldn’t help but resist the aching in his fingers as they moved towards you. But the battle he was having within himself was beginning to end, and he was losing. He was losing because love made him feel like he knew everything about nothing, and nothing about everything. 

“H-Hey, I got a really important thing to do tonight,” Spider-Man said nervously. You nodded, turning your back to him as he changed back into his suit. When he touched your shoulder, you turned back to see him looking as lovely as ever in the suit. “Can you help me tonight?”

“What do you mean?” You wondered.

“I’m usually, you know, after a guy in the chair,” he chuckled. His voice was sporadic and nervous, shaky and embarrassed. You thought it was adorable.

“Oh, yeah? And how can I help with that?”

“I think I’d much rather prefer a girl in the chair.”

You smiled up at him, biting your lip as you looked at your laptop.

“Okay, Spider-Man. What’s the plan?”

You listened patiently as Spider-Man explained to you his ordeal. You watched him talk, heard the soothing melody of his voice. He was typing on your computer now, helping you connect to the coms in his ear. Your mind wandered away for a few seconds. 

You wondered what your soulmate was doing at the hour. You wondered if he was looking for you as thoroughly as you were looking for him. You were convinced he was; love was stupidly difficult to fight. You were convinced that he was looking for his perfect girl, for the woman he would call his for the rest of his life. You were convinced because you knew admitting you had no soulmate at all was the worst thing you could think of.

The universe would not have given you such a drive if it meant you were waiting for no one. The universe would not have made you what you are if it meant you were looking for a ghost. 

Your eyes wandered over to your board, and you recited the areas from Tuesday to Thursday in your head again, trying to find where you went wrong. The whole situation was making you feel so inferior, so stupid, but you figured that’s just what love did to people like you. Your eyes scanned over the lists, your eyes adjusted to Tuesday again. 

You were almost positive that Tuesday was the day that you had felt that ignition inside of you. You were almost sure that Tuesday was it. Your gut instinct was clawing at that day, urging your fingers to brush over all the crossed out locations. 

peppermint mocha across the street

met spider-boy

milk and cookies at the corner store

spare key from receptionist in lobby

mail from lobby

thai noodles from that place on 54th

mashable magazine from that stand on melrose

What were you missing? What were you not seeing? What was slipping right over your head?

Before you could contemplate your questions, Spider-Man was giving you a salute as he started for your window.

“Ready?” He asked you nervously. You rested your head in your hands, nodding.

“Yeah, superhero. You can count on me.”

Before you could say another word, he bent his head down and kissed your forehead through the mask. You sighed at the feeling, your lashes fluttering shut at the gentleness. When you opened your eyes, he was gone.

You adjusted your glasses, brushed a hand over your flushed cheeks, and let your fingers hover over your cell phone for Spider-Man’s cue.

part 5

[bffhreprise]

Entry 296

 I gently petted my kitty as she nuzzled into my lap.  I was currently resisting the urge to hop on Ancient Tribes of Earth again today, having spent half the morning playing it before a quick job.  On the other hand, James would probably be on it after he finished talking with Jemal and Kayla.

 Those two seemed to be fitting in wonderfully, but James made sure everyone did, even a monster like me.  He was so very, very kind…

 Pufflewink agreed as she licked my thumb and nuzzled my hand.

 “Oh my… James, is she really..?” questioned Jemal after Aaliyah walked in through the front door.  Her footsteps were unmistakable, light as a feather when she wasn’t goofing around.

 “Good morning, Aaliyah.” greeted James as she approached them.

 Aaliyah’s palace in my mind was bright and shining like crystal under the sun, with magnificence to even rival James’.  The longer I stayed here, the more both areas had grown.  Now they each had enormous structures dedicated to their existence.  There was nothing I could ever do for that magnificent girl which would fully show my appreciation to what she did for me by giving us Ancient Tribes of Earth.

 “Good morning, boss-man, sir!  Hi, Jemal!  Oooh…. Kayla!  What’s that!?” she exclaimed, happy as ever.

 “Just my laptop.” replied Kayla.  “Jemal bought it for me a couple years ago.”

 “Dad helped.” corrected Jemal, sounding fatherly in his tone.

 At least, I pictured fathers as they were portrayed in movies, having never met my own.  Of course, I didn’t want to meet my own…  Anything that could spawn a monster from my sweet mom couldn’t be nice.

 “I love the color.” replied Aaliyah, sounding excited.

 My eyes couldn’t penetrate the walls, but I knew the laptop was bright pink and covered in sparkles.  This knowing was happening more and more often of late as I listened in on conversations throughout the house.  I was aware of where Emma was in the yard and knew of Alma’s current online meeting.  What would James say if I told him I was getting weirder, that my ability to extend my consciousness was much greater now?  The terrible darkness in my mind whispered, but I recapped its enclosure.

 “Sorry.  I know this is probably weird and all, but… but can I get your autograph?” questioned Jemal, obviously speaking to Aaliyah.

 I gently set Pufflewink on the floor, and my Ancient Tribes of Earth box was in my hand before I even registered that I had moved.  Scenarios of getting Aaliyah’s autograph were flying through my head.

 Then Aaliyah said, “Okay.”

 The word hadn’t fully left her mouth when I was there with them, not even certain of how I got there.  I wasn’t prepared for this.  Barely a few thousand scenarios had seemed acceptable so far.  Why did I come here?  How did I come here?  What if she denied me!?

 “What?  You still hadn’t asked her?” asked James, staring at me in plainly visible shock.

 Over a hundred ways to reply sprang to my mind, but none would cover my embarrassment.  I shrugged.  I was still considering what to do around Jemal.  He had taken a spill after chasing after his sister the other day, and his expression when I caught him told me he knew that I was a monster.  There was a slight stench of fear from him even now as he acknowledged my presence.  His sister, however, was all smiles.  She seemed very sweet and already had a room in my mind, filled with stuffed animals and angry mutterings about having to do schoolwork instead of playing.

 I knew her mutterings were halfhearted, but I heard them too frequently to ignore.  She seemed to enjoy talking with Mila and having more challenging work, but schooling by the second day was apparently unexpected.

 While my mind followed scenarios for being nice to Kayla while avoiding her to protect her from myself, Aaliyah pulled out a pen from her pink backpack and signed a picture of Jemal’s character that he kept in his wallet.  Then she looked expectantly up at me.

 “Au-Auto-graph.  P-Please.” I told her, thrusting the box her way after hopping forward a number of feet.

 “Sure!” exclaimed Aaliyah with a grin for me.  “You should have asked sooner!  You do see me frequently.”

 “I-I know, b-but… w-well…” I started as I revisited my practice scenarios from this occasion.  There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but her time was valuable, possibly even as valuable as James’.  My best scenarios hadn’t accounted for others being present to begin with, so I had to keep things short for that reason as well.  I could do this.  Finally, I forced out “Y-You’re my… m-my hero.”

 “Aww… We’re all friends here.” insisted Aaliyah as she hugged me.  There was something very reassuring about the warm hug from this kid genius, but I frequently got the feeling from Aaliyah that she understood, as if she was an old friend who could guess what I’d say before I managed to make the words.  Of course, that was probably my overactive imagination at work.

 “How long’s she worked here?” questioned Jemal in a whisper as if that’d keep anyone present from hearing.  The enhancement suit things obviously helped with hearing from the changes I had observed in the others.

 “Since November.” replied James, not realizing how embarrassing that admission was for me.

 Yes, I could be shy, but… Did he have to tell?  Right now???  As Aaliyah—the magnificent Princess Aaliyah—hugged me!?  As scenarios to escape crashed together in my brain, I shrunk into a kitten, determined to hide until they walked out.

 Aaliyah gently set my now-autographed box next to my clothes and patted me through my shirt before stepping back.  Then I heard James step closer.  Aware that he kneeled down, I peeked out.

 “Sorry, Raine.  I wasn’t trying to embarrass you.” he told me, being the wonderful person he was.

 I almost pounced him, wanting to hug my wonderful boss, but something else drew my attention.  Something was wrong with Kayla.  My mind raced as I saw slight changes in her skin color.  She was starting to sweat.

 “She’s a cat!?” exclaimed Jemal.

 Allergies.  Kayla had cat allergies.  I wanted to help her, to save her from me, but I hadn’t anticipated this.  I never had changed forms in front of someone who had allergies before.  I didn’t even know anyone with cat allergies.  Hadn’t known?

 “Werecat.” replied James.

 “Kayla!  Back up!” exclaimed Jemal, looking scared.

 “What’s wrong?  Didn’t you notice her yesterday before she saved you?” asked James.

 I considered hundreds of ways to explain to him what the signs meant, but I didn’t know how to help her.  I needed to read medical stuff at some point, but I hadn’t ever really considered the need seriously.  No one would want treated by a monster, and I couldn’t be harmed in any meaningful way  Well…  Thoughts of Ariadne’s magic crossed my mind, but part of me was certain that she couldn’t summon near enough to really hurt me.

 “What?  No.  Kayla’s allergic to cats!” exclaimed Jemal, being fully panicked as he stepped between his sister and me.

 “Ah…” started James, seeming to be considering the situation.

 “But she’s so cute, Jemal…” complained Kayla before sneezing.  Her face was getting red.

 I transformed and ran, taking my things with me.  When I reached my room, I fought back the tears forming in my eyes.  I hurt her… I didn’t mean to, but I hurt Kayla.  Once a monster, always a monster.  What was going to happen to me now?  I should leave… Jemal and Kayla deserved to be here, but I couldn’t stop being a cat… and there was Pufflewink.  I gently started to stroke my kitty, who didn’t even realize I was there yet.  She would whenever a second passed.  Time was too slow… or too fast for me.  Probably the latter.

 “Where’d she go!?” exclaimed Jemal an eternity later.

 “She ran.” stated James.

 Jemal quickly said, “S-Sorry.  I didn’t mean to make her run away, but I didn’t think there’d be cats here.”   He was kind too.  Despite my effect on his sister and his fear of me, he still was concerned for me too.

 My existence once again ruined things.  I knew I couldn’t stay any longer.  I was already figuring out where I could move my things.  Thanks to months here, I had a little money saved up, despite how rarely I was engaged with jobs compared to the average.  A storage locker would be the most practical, and no one would ever know if I lived in one.  They’d never see me.  Walls couldn’t stop this monster.

 As I considered my future and made mental apologies to everyone for having been here, Aaliyah exclaimed “Found it!”

 “Found what?” questioned James.

 “Kayla’s new allergy medicine.” she explained.

 “What!?  Her doctor needs to approve new medicine.” insisted Jemal immediately.

 I heard James move, and knew he had placed his hand on Jemal’s shoulder before saying, “I know this is all a great deal to take in, but Aaliyah has more doctorates than anyone else on the planet.  I’d trust her.  If you want a quick second opinion, Alma happens to be an M.D. as well.  If you want a third opinion, Aaliyah’s aunt might be considered this planet’s authority on everything medical, having over a thousand years of practice.”

 As James spoke, Kayla had already accepted Aaliyah’s offer.  “Too late.  Already took it.”

 “You what!?” exclaimed Jemal.

 She opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue, and I already knew she was feeling better.  The signs were clear.  I was thankful that she would recover, having never meant to harm her at all.  Departure request opened.  I knew I should just pack and leave immediately, but I really didn’t want to go.  I apologized to Pufflewink, knowing she wouldn’t enjoy any place I found as much as here.  She already knew the people and was accustomed to the space.  Plus, she liked Alberich, the miniature white lion.  They rarely had a chance to play together, but they got along well enough.  The scenarios of us elsewhere all seemed so terribly grim.

 “James!  This is serious.  She has other allergies as well.” stated Jemal, still sounding concerned.

 “I have her complete medical records on file, Jemal.” explained Mila.  “Yours as well.  There really is no need to be alarmed.  Everything was transferred as stated in the contract of employment you signed.”

 James sighed before saying, “Aaliyah, would you mind giving a very, very brief explanation of what Kayla just took.”

 “Brief?” asked Aaliyah in a pouting tone.  Her lower lip trembled and tears had sprung to her wide eyes.

 “Yes, please.” he told her.

 “How brief?” she questioned, probably considering a million ways to manipulate what he might say.

 “Under twenty words.” he replied.

 She sighed in resignation.  Then she said, “Kayla took the first stage of a therapy which will cure her of all allergies.  Two stages are left.”  I knew she was counting words on her fingers as she spoke, just as I was certain that the counting was all show.  Her brilliance was fact.

 “What?  Is that even possible?” questioned Jemal incredulously.

 “Jemal, I’m feeling better already.” insisted Kayla.

 “You’re the one who wanted her autograph.  She’s a genius.” pointed out James.  Then, slightly louder, he said, “Raine, you can come back now.  Everything’s fine.”

 I nearly smiled, knowing James meant well.  Despite knowing what I am, he’d never think of me as a monster.  My father was a demon, and I didn’t know of good demons outside of manga.  Of course, I had never met another, not even another half-demon such as myself, but the general terribleness from that dark place locked in the farthest corner of my mind was more than enough to assure me they were evil.  Frowny faces covered my mental scenarios, and the darkness lurking in the back attempted to come forward till I shoved it down again.  Bad darkness…. always bad.

 “Master, Raine’s in her room, mumbling about ruining something and looks rather distraught.” stated Mila, as if he needed to know.

 Besides, I hadn’t mumbled anything aloud to Pufflewink for at least a dozen seconds…  Well… maybe.  My mind had been running in so many directions that I had lost my sense of pacing.  I counted the breaths of everyone in my recent memories and compared them with the last time I remembered seeing a clock.  Thirteen and some change!  Ha!

 I felt bad immediately after, knowing Mila meant well.  She was a wonderful being, and as close a friend as any of them.  Like her mom, Mila was brilliant, finding ways to explain things to me that didn’t take several eternities.  She probably could have helped Kayla in no time if her mom hadn’t already been prepared.  I was going to miss everyone.

 “Aaliyah, how long till Kayla will start benefiting from that therapy?” questioned James.

“She already is.  Look at her.  She’ll be perfectly fine by the time you walk down the hall with them.” replied Aaliyah giddily.  “Auntie’s medicines are magically delicious.”

 “Really was!” exclaimed Kayla.

 “Mind coming to help calm Raine down?” questioned James.

 “Sorry.  Sure.  I guess this is my fault for overreacting.” suggested Jemal in an apologetic tone.

 “I can really pet kitties now!?” questioned Kayla, her brown eyes gazing at Aaliyah excitedly.

 Aaliyah told her “Of course!  We can’t let our best friends suffer from allergies.  Raine has a little kitty named Pufflewink!”

 “Jemal, I can pet kitties!” exclaimed Kayla with even more enthusiasm.

 “Has this stuff been tested?” asked Jemal dubiously.

 “You can relax, Jemal.  Everything will be fine.” insisted James.

 They started walking down the hall, and I considered running before they got here.  There were so many valid reasons to leave before they arrived.  But… I didn’t want to leave.  Leaving now would be rude, and I couldn’t be rude to James… or the others.  I didn’t want to make Princess Aaliyah mad.  As my latest scenarios played out, James spoke to me, quietly reassuring me that everything would be fine.  I wanted to believe him, but I’d always be a monster even if he didn’t see me that way.  No matter what we wanted, there was always a chance of someone getting hurt because I exist.

 “How is she supposed to hear you?  Is Mila telling her or something?” inquired Jemal a few eternities into James’ assurances.

 “I can hear across a hallway just fine.  Raine’s hearing is vastly better.” explained James.

 Nodding Jemal said, “Maybe this is a bad question, but I gotta know… are you human?”

 James laughed before saying, “Yes, with a few perks of my own.”

 “Like… what?” persisted Jemal.

 “One you’ve been feeling for a while.  You want to trust me and generally like me.  That’s due to a magical field I emanate.  Unfortunately, I cannot suppress it.” explained James.

 I was thankful his magic wasn’t suppressed, knowing it was affecting me even now.  James could pin me down with a glance if he chose, because I couldn’t intentionally hurt him.  Not giving him a chance after the constant support he had shown me would hurt him.  I couldn’t leave without talking with him.  Departure request completely denied.

 “What?  You’re using magic on us and can’t help it!?” exclaimed Jemal in surprise.

 “Correct.  I’ve been assured a number of times not to worry about it, but the idea still bothers me.  I also can move far faster than an average human and am considerably stronger.  Lifting a car, for example, is easy.” continued James.

 The car example was amusing.  I knew cars were heavy for most people, but the flimsy things couldn’t stand a heavy breath.  Luckily, the planet could.  I once sighed too hard when I was little… Luckily, no one had been around.  I spent months trying to discreetly help with the damages, but the guilt lived on.

 “And you call that human!?” asked Jemal in a tone that clearly said he did not agree.

 If James wasn’t considered human because of his abilities, Jemal clearly wouldn’t be able to handle knowing much about me.  Scenarios played out, showing me his shock and horror at what I could do.  Information access denied for him.

 “I think it sounds amazing!” insisted Kayla.

 Unfazed, James said, “I also have considerable aptitude with a type of magic, using what we call residual energy.  Through its use, I can manipulate energy in numerous ways, such as lifting things at a distance as you can do.”

 “So you’re like a superhero?” suggested Kayla excitedly.  “You sound like the strongest person ever!”

 James laughed and said, “No.  Calamity’s this city’s superhero.  I’m just a businessman.  Raine, by the way, is far stronger and faster than me.  She’s far more than an average werecat and equally wonderful as a person.”

 I almost wanted him to explain about the monster they were about to visit.  Everything came better from James.  If he told them that a monster lived here, they might not run away screaming.

 “This is a bit much to take in.” stated Jemal.

 Disagreeing, Kayla exclaimed “But it’s so cool!”

 “There will be an acclimation period, but I have faith that you’ll get there.  I know you haven’t met Cosette yet, given how her schedule hasn’t lined up well for meeting her yet, but she’s our resident vampire.  Fair warning, she might play a prank on you.” cautioned James.

 I could easily imagine Cosette’s pranks.  She embraced vampirism, a condition that many would find monstrous, with a passion, even making her Ancient Tribes of Earth character a vampire.  In comparison with me, she was still practically human, though she should live a very long life.

 A flash of anger went through me at the idea that someone might try harming Cosette eventually.  If I noticed…  I pushed down the thoughts and the scenarios that went along with them.  Bad Raine.  I couldn’t allow myself to be angry.  Very bad things would happen.  Allowing myself revenge against someone who hurt my friends would still be monstrous, like a person torturing an incredibly sentient and rude daffodil kept in a pot.  There could be no fighting back against this monster.  If I screamed at them, they’d die from the force of my voice alone.  Yes, I was capable of making a passably human yell, but holding back if my emotions were truly riled could be difficult.  Hurting my friends would not be allowed...  I shoved the darkness back into its container, locking it once more.  Calm thoughts.  Be a good kitty.

 “Like what sort of prank?” questioned Jemal worriedly.

 James shrugged and said, “I wouldn’t put slitting Portentia’s throat and drinking her blood in front of you past her.”

 “She’d what!?” exclaimed Jemal, horrified by the idea.

 “Portentia can’t be killed and has abnormally beneficial blood for vampires, so the two have an interesting relationship.” explained James, sounding slightly amused.

 Kayla’s wide eyes looked excitedly at James as she ignored her brother’s discomfort.

 “Ask Portentia about her experiences if you wish.  She’s been stabbed, shot, blown up, decapitated, and many other things without sign of injury a moment later.” continued James.

 “I-I don’t think my sister should be hearing all this.” stated Jemal nervously.

 “Oh.  Sorry.  I figured she’d have seen as much in video games.” suggested James in surprise.

 “Well, maybe, but still…” argued Jemal.

 Their conversation had carried them to my door, and James knocked.

 Hardly waiting for a response, he said, “Raine, we’d like to speak with you.”

 I mumbled my agreement, knowing Mila would open the door, and continued petting Pufflewink.

 “Have I mentioned that Raine speaks cat?” questioned James.

 Sounding intrigued now, Jemal asked “Cats have a language?”

 “Cool!” exclaimed Kayla, excitable as ever.

 “I don’t know about a language precisely, but she can communicate with them.” replied James.  “How would you describe it Raine?”

 “I-I….” I started, considering all of the ways that I could attempt explaining the bond between werecats and other cats, but the explanations never seemed like enough.  Eventually, I just said what was on my mind.  “S-Sorry.”

 “No-no.  I’m sorry.  I really didn’t mean to make you run.  I just got a bit worked up worrying about my sister is all.” insisted Jemal.  Surprisingly, he didn’t smell afraid anymore.

 “Can I see your kitty!?” begged Kayla.  “I won’t sneeze or anything!  Aaliyah told me!”

 “I-I heard…” I told her, feeling uncertain about what to do.  More scenarios played out, and Kayla’s joy in them almost made me cry again.  She wouldn’t hold anything against me without knowing more about me, but I still had more to say to her brother.  I handed Pufflewink over, assuring my kitty that Kayla was nice.  Forcing myself to make the words slowly enough to be understood, I said, “I-I d-didn’t… k-know.  S-sorry.  I-I’d never h-hurt… K-Kayla.”

 “Really, don’t worry.  Look at her.  I can’t even worry when I see her smiling like that.” replied Jemal with a big smile.  He really did look happy as he watched his sister pet Pufflewink

 I nodded and eventually smiled, watching how happy Kayla seemed now.  James was happy as well; I could feel it in his presence.  I shoved away the thoughts of leaving for now, not wanting to hurt his mood.  He’d certainly argue against me leaving.  He always would, because James would never think ill of me without reason shoved in his face.  This monster would live here for a while yet.