#or like. When he was about to go murder that guy with carlisle and then decided against it

[camelspit]

what is this book. what is happening. edward will randomly mention shit like "yeah I found a dude with a murder basement once :)" and then spend the next 5 pages talking about bellas eyebrows or some shit. like no. go back. elaborate on that please.

[panlight]

Instantly obsessed with the idea that other characters were actually supposed to be the heroes and/or were and we just didn't get that information because this was Bella's story right now and she was narrating it.

Like in the background all these things were happening that were trying to get Leah to accept her place as the Main Character and go on an adventure and everyone else was just like "ugh shut up Leah" and she has to be like "okay, I'll save the world, but first I gotta keep this dumbass Jacob's obsessed with alive for some reason."

Alice literally can see the future and predicted her mother's murder and was locked in asylum and the bad guy from the first book was also her personal bad guy which she didn't know until just then but all Alice gets to do is like, pick out Bella's prom dress and plan her wedding. Love the idea that Alice is having visions of her own great adventure and Chosen One story and is like "yeah yeah I'll get to it, but first I gotta get my brother married."

Or that like, Carlisle is living the epilogue of his grand adventure and Bella's just like "oh Edward's dad is so handsome and nice," having no idea he's already lived the Hero's Journey or the equivalent and THAT's why all these people show up to witness and potentially die for him. They're all from his story that she has never really asked about.

And which of Bella's human friends secretly has some psychic power that would manifest if they became a vampire? Maybe when Eleazar came to town for the wedding or to witness for Renesmee he happened to pick up that Mike Newton had this incredible power that would be unleashed if he were vampirized and the rumor got around the vampire gathering and now there's this shadow war of who is going to bite Mike and harness his power for their coven.

[princeloww]

DAVID TENNANT ROLES STARTERPACK

(Different roles, where to find them and what they're like!!!) (+ more that I didn't go into included at the end)

*disclaimer: this is sort of UK orientated, 'cos I don't know any American streaming services or where stuff is available in other countries, so PLEASE comment other places you can watch things!!!!

- Takin' Over the Asylum (CAMPBELL BAIN)

Follows a DJ and a group of patients trying to keep a radio station going in a mental hospital. David plays one of the main characters, Campbell Bain, a mostly upbeat and energetic young boy with lots of enthusiasm and spirit. Some angst!

☆ YOUTUBE (free)

- Blackpool (PETER CARLISLE)

A body is found in an arcade run by Ripley Holden, and him and his entire family are pulled into the murder investigation surrounding it. DI Peter Carlisle is working on the case, and highly suspicious of Ripley. He's a pretty major character and has a romantic plot - as well as a few funny musical numbers. Includes sex scenes.

☆ UKTV PLAY (free in UK), AMAZON PRIME VIDEO

- Casanova (GIACOMO CASANOVA)

The (mostly sexual) adventures of Giacomo Casanova, a charming and fraudulent man who falls in love very quickly and very dramatically with a lot of people, all while essentially bullshitting through life and jumping on every opportunity to make money. Includes sex scenes but also angst, such as illness, injuries, some violence, and general suffering.

☆ MYFLIXERX.TO (free), AMAZON

- Recovery (ALAN HAMILTON)

A man and his family coping with the recovery and rehabilitation process after he (Alan, David Tennant) suffers from brain damage. Angsty. Lots of crying, suicide references, head injury stuff.

☆ YOUTUBE (free)

- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (BARTY CROUCH JR)

I recommend pirating this one so you're not supporting JK Rowling. DT plays Barty Crouch JR, an antagonist and the son of Barty Crouch. He's kind of a minor character, as he's not actually in a lot of scenes.

☆ Probably on most pirating sites (my go to is MYFLIXERX.TO)

- Learners (CHRISTOPHER ??)

Lighthearted movie about a woman trying to pass her driving test. David plays Chris, her driving instructor. He's a bit of a dork, very sweet and kind. Has a love plot, briefly fights a guy. No major angst.

☆ YOUTUBE (free)

- Hamlet (HAMLET)

Hamlet. Prince of Denmark wants vengeance after his father's death. I haven't actually watched this one yet but I assume it's got the same amount of angst and drama as Hamlet typically does.

☆ AMAZON PRIME VIDEO

- Single Father (DAVE TYLER)

After a fatal car accident, Dave Tyler (DT) is left to parent four children on his own. Still struggling through grief, Dave falls in love again and attempts to hide it. Has LOTS of crying, lots of kissing, sex scenes, DT being miserable and sobbing, etc.

☆ MYFLIXERX.TO (free)

- Rex Is Not Your Lawyer (REX ALEXANDER)

Unaired pilot. Only 40 minutes. Show wasn't picked up, but it is very good. Rex is a successful and skilled lawyer who is forced to stop practising when he starts having panic attacks every time he speaks in court. He decides instead to coach people who want to represent themselves. Lots of DT in very tight suits. American accent. Not MAJOR angst but he does has daddy issues and a panic disorder, so.

☆ YOUTUBE (free)

- Fright Night (PETER VINCENT)

A kid discovers that his neighbour is a vampire, and he seeks out a famous vampire slayer to help him. Peter Vincent (DT) does not live up to his name, and turns out to actually be sort of pathetic. No major angst, not a lot of clothes, no romance, but lots of eyeliner. He's very bisexual. Violence, vampire horror, creepy neighbour.

☆ DISNEY+, AMAZON PRIME

- The Decoy Bride (JAMES ARBER)

Celebrity Lara Tyler tries to get married to her author fiancé James Arber, but the paparazzi interrupts the wedding. Desperate to keep it private, she takes James to the island that he based his book on. Somehow, the paparazzi still find them, and they hire a decoy bride to pretend to be Lara. Romance, kissing, light hearted, minimal angst. David in a funny outfit. Fake dating trope?

☆ AMAZON PRIME

- Nativity 2: Danger in the Manger (Donald and Roderick Peterson)

Sequel to Nativity, but you don't need to watch the first one. Primary school teacher Donald Peterson (DT) is forced to take his class to Wales to participate in A Song For Christmas, a festive singing competition. Here he is put against his twin brother, who is a successful composer and with whom he has a strained relationship. Light angst - lots of daddy issues, but generally sweet.

☆ AMAZON, I think its on NOW TV???

- The Escape Artist (WILL BURTON)

A defence lawyer, Will Burton, gets a murderer off free, and very quickly grows to regret it, when his client comes after his family next. Lots of murder. Like three murders I think. Hot lawyer DT.

☆ AMAZON (I can't believe I forgot this one)

- What We Did On Our Holiday (DOUG MCLEOD)

A family go to Scotland for their grandfather's 70th birthday. Doug (DT) and his wife (Rosamund Pike) are getting a divorce, but are hiding it from the rest of the family. Movie is mostly focused on the kids and their grandad, but David has a few moments, and he's generally present throughout. Funny, slightly shocking at times, family film. No major angst. Character death.

☆ AMAZON PRIME

- Richard II (RICHARD II)

Shakespeare's Richard II. David plays the titular character, the extravagant, heartless and cold King of England, Richard II. We see his fall from grace as he is stripped of everything he owns and knows. Quite angsty. Long hair, androgynous David. Queer kiss scene (although they are cousins, soo...)

☆ you can find a link in a REDDIT comment if you search for it, AMAZON PRIME

- Broadchurch (ALEC HARDY)

An eleven-year-old boy is murdered in a small town, sending shock-waves through the community. Story follows both the family and communities response to the crime, as well as the investigation done by DI Alec Hardy (DT) and DS Ellie Miller (Olivia Coleman). Lots of angst from Alec. He is sick and hiding it. Injury, dizziness, panic attacks, that sort of thing - as well as a heart attack. He has a lot of trauma and daddy issues. Season three touches on topics of rape (warning).

- Mad To Be Normal (RD LIANG)

Biopic about RD Liang, a Scottish psychiatrist. Sex, misogyny, mental health topics, some self-harm (done by another character)

☆ AMAZON (sensing a pattern)

- Good Omens (CROWLEY)

An angel (Michael Sheen) and a demon work together to stop the end of the world. Queer romance (canon), some angst. Drama, comedy, LGBTQ+. David plays Crowley, the demon (who "sauntered vaguely downwards" rather than fell from heaven)

☆ AMAZON PRIME

- Staged (DAVID TENNANT)

A COVID lockdown comedy about David Tennant and Michael Sheen talking via Zoom during the lockdown. Actually quite sad at times? Mostly silly, though. Features Georgia Tennant and Anna Lundberg.

☆ BBC Iplayer (UK) (or VPN)

- Around The World in 80 Days (PHILEAS FOGG)

Phileas Fogg, a quiet and reserved man, decides to travel around the world in 80 days, after he receives an anonymous postcard calling him a coward. Cute found family, drama, angst (ex-lover stuff, internalised cowardice, illness, near death experience), some violence. There's a scene where Phileas gets flogged (whipped, essentially) quite violently, and it's somewhat graphic. Touches on themes of racism. Phileas is 100% neurodivergent.

☆ BBC Iplayer (UK) (or VPN)

- Inside Man (HARRY WATLING)

DT plays a vicar, Harry, who is involved in a murder after trying to protect his son - who was accused of having CP. Suicide themes, murder, self-harm - explores the idea that any person can murder, if they're pushed the right way. Includes topics to do with CP and pedophilia.

☆ NETFLIX, AMAZON

- Litvinenko (LITVINENKO)

Biopic about Alexander Litvinenko. A group of detectives investigate the poisoning of Litvinenko. David is bald in this show. (Scary)

☆ ITVX (UK) (or VPN)

- Doctor who (10TH AND 14TH DOCTORS)

Do I need to explain Doctor Who???? David Tennant plays the tenth and fourteenth regenerations of The Doctor, a Time Lord from outerspace. He travels around in the TARDIS with human companions.

☆ BBC Iplayer (UK)

I think I'm gonna leave it there, but there are a LOT that I have not touched on. This post is a very accurate and long list of everything on DT's filmography, so i recommend you check that out.

Other things I didn't mention (off the top of my head):

There She Goes, Bad Samaritan, Einstein and Eddington, Rab. C Nesbitt, Bright Young Things, LA Without a Map, Much Ado About Nothing, Duck Patrol, True Love, Gracepoint, Camping (US), Nan's Christmas Carol, Mary Queen of Scots, (You, Me and Him), Secret Smile, Deadwater Fell, Jessica Jones, Dramarama, Spies of Warsaw, AND A LOT MORE. (+ voice acting roles, and also his narrating work on Spy In The Wild (2017)

[flippinpancakes64]

the cullens with reader who is a VERY popular movie star, but only plays in horror movies as the killer (and she makes them watch her movies)?

The Cullens with a Horror Movie Actor

Thank you for requesting!

In your request you mentioned “she” but I hope you don’t mind that I changed it to be more gender neutral

Anyways I hope you enjoy!

Edward:

He thinks it's pretty sick tbh

I feel like he might have wanted to be an actor at one point

So seeing you living out your dreams is huge for him

You wouldn't need to force him to sit down to watch your movies

However I feel like he'd get a little in his own head about you being a killer

If you're still human he'd probably start that line of thinking where if he turned you you'd become a real-life killer, how your characters are just fake people but that's like the real him, blah blah

Just cut him off with a big 'ol smooch

Alice:

Again, very supportive

She'd make a whole day of it every time one of your movies releases

Of course, you would need to bring her as your plus one to the premier

She might give you pointers tho tbh

Even though they're not really for you

"Blood doesn't actually spurt like that, it's more of a stream"

As if you control the sfx

Either way she loves it

Thinks you are the most talented actor/actress ever

She would buy posters of your movies and frame them

Jasper:

He gets a little freaked out tbh

First of all, don't go to the theater with him

All of the people getting scared at the same time in such a concentrated group absolutely fires his brain

The sight of human blood (fake or real, on the screen or not) triggers him juuust a little

He also gets a little put off if your character seems to really enjoy the horror they cause

It reminds him of the way newborns love to hunt and kill

He's gonna need some one-on-one time with the real you after watching the movie

Just to remind him how you really are

Don't worry, it's not that he doesn't like what you do or that he doesn't like the movies

It's just the fact that it unsettles him a little thinking about what you could be if he ever turned you

He will watch them though

Rosalie:

She thinks it's badass

Hands down she loves it

I mean she went around killing and torturing her abuser in a wedding dress

That is so horror movie material

And even though that isn't her anymore, I feel like she'd love a good horror movie

And with you as the star? It's her new favorite

Instantly the whole movie is switched around for her

Who cares if you're "supposed" to be the bad guy

Those hitchhikers MUST have done something bad to deserve this

She will gladly sit down and watch them with you

She might even turn them on herself a couple of times

#1 Fan

Emmett:

Don't invite him to the movie premier

He'll show up in a shirt that says "I love my partner even though they're a psycho murderer" of smthn

In all honesty though he loves it

He loves seeing the people around him be strong and brave

He LOVED it when Bella was able to crush the rock and jump super high and hit Jacob

So I feel like he'd get a kick out of you in a mask with a chainsaw

Esme:

I feel like she's not too into horror movies

Absolutely shocking take I know

She just gets enough blood and guts and suspense in her daily life yk

But she will watch it for you

She won't say anything but she also gets a bit unnerved by you being the villain

I feel like she sort of has that underlying feeling of being a monster

So seeing the stuff that she has to do to survive dramatized on screen and played out by none other than her partner

It strikes a chord deep in her heart

She will also need some one-on-one time with you afterward to remind herself that that is not you on the screen

Carlisle:

I actually think he'd be quite the horror lover

I feel like he has a fascination with the way sfx and prosthetics are made for movies

Unironically I think one of his favorite film franchises is Saw

So he would be more than happy to sit down and watch your movie

He has absolutely no issue with you being the villain

The only thing he cares about is talking specifics

He's like Alice but worse

He points out every set error

He's like those old YouTube videos of people pointing out every error made in *insert movie here*

"Look there's one of the boom mics"

"That blood is a bit too pink, and runny"

Vampire! Bella:

Again, she thinks it's badass

She's only recently gotten a handle on being an agile killer

So in her mind she's still that clumsy girl sometimes

Seeing her partner on the screen being a badass killer makes her so proud

Unfortunately another one you shouldn't take to the premier

She is wearing one of those god awful dresses with one bad image of your face printed all over it from redbubble or smthn

And no she won't take it off or change

She already had to sneak out of the house without Alice seeing it

[leth-writes]

The Cullens with a human s/o

Edward

• we've already seen his behavior with Bella, but I think in general he'd try his hardest to stay away

• If you're a more dominant personality, I can see you confronting him for his behavior and him being cowed into making a decision

• If you have a quieter personality, I can see Alice pushing him into talking to you.

• When given an ultimatum, I think he ultimately wouldn't be able to avoid the person he's truly interested

• once you get past that first large roadblock, the relationship is filled with Edward's sardonic and self-depreciating humor

• He whispers little quips to you in class, trying to get you to smile; it's his life's purpose

• He tries so hard to make the relationship seem perfect

• any time anything goes wrong he's using it as token justification as to why you shouldn't date him

• obsessed with classical allusions; you'll be compared to a whole variety of literary characters (as a romantic at heart, he often compares you to Juliet. He wishes he could cross that species gap)

• incredibly dedicated

• you'll get a whole host of gifts: bracelets, necklaces, music, any hobbies you two share...

• NEVER rings. he's saving that for marriage. He already has it picked out :)

• study classical music and surprise him with your knowledge. You'll catch a rare genuine smile instead of his usual wistful grimace.

Alice

• She's already seen you coming for years

• She stresses and spends ages just flipping through possible futures, making sure your first moments will be perfect together

• As someone who lacks a past, she's enamored with your history, so be prepared to have any childhood photos devoured and displayed in her room

• She dresses perfectly for your first meeting, aiming to complement whatever outfit you're wearing perfectly

• Unfortunately, all that preparation doesn't save her from being a little awkward; she's weirdly intense for someone who doesn't know her

• She has every vision of you memorised, so she sometimes lets something slip you know you never told her

• this results in you pulling away and her being heartbroken and determined to fix the relationship

• Thus, she takes you to a beautiful spot in the forest, timed perfectly so she glitters just right. You're so in awe that you temporarily forget your grievances

• She promises not to skip forward and learn everything about you, and spends days answering any questions you ask to even the playing field

• She's dedicated to matching your wardrobe

• She's already decorated her room to match your tastes :)

Jasper

• Jasper had to practice. A lot. Alice warned him to prevent any... accidents

• He plays up his drawl, knowing many find it quite attractive

• He acts as a soothing balm in any uncomfortable situations, which is a blessing if you have anxiety

• He tries to tone down the staring, but has to be told over and over that humans find it weird when you stand outside their house at night

• He doesn't go very long without telling you

• Without Alice's help, he shows you in a withered field (he wanted to show off his speed); this convinces you he's going to commit murder.

• After everything is cleared up, he won't stop apologizing for scaring you

• he strives to fix his behavior to be as welcoming as possible

• Alice decks him in cozy knit sweaters, often green, and corderoy pants.

• Eventually you can sense how tense he is all the time and ask him to be himself

• He finds that happy balance eventually :)

Rosalie

• Rosalie can be intimidating at first, and she wields this like a shield

• but she would never want to scare you, so she turns it down slightly when talking to you

• anytime a guy approaches, she glares so harshly it's like she wants them to vaporize

• please ask her to stop she's terrifying the local population

• She's hyper-aware of potential predators and has to be convinced not to go on a spree, just like she did all those years ago

• Carlisle gets her to submit some evidence to Charlie Swan instead so they won't have to move

• Edward breathes a sigh of relief and she almost attacks him

• Rosalie is happy to fix your car or even spend the afternoon just working on one of hers while you talk to her, perched on the counter in the garage

• She loves listening to your voice, and isn't even always paying attention.

• She loves that you see her for who she really is, not many do.

• She isn't as shallow as everyone thinks, she just doesn't have much of a reason to show everyone her true self

• She's not turning you. Don't ask.

To be continued :)

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

In Twilight, what if Bella's injuries were so bad after James' attack that she went into a life long coma? (There is no hope in waking her up.) Now, does Edward visits her everyday to get a sniff... I mean see how she's doing? Does he turn Bella? What do the rest of the Cullens do now that Bella is in coma? Does Charlie suspect/ start an investigation on the Cullens? Does Alice just turn Bella herself to get a "happy ending " for her family?

"Is the answer to Bella's problems putting her into a life-long coma she'll never wake from?" - Anon

A Small Discussion

So, the thing is, this is before New Moon which had a few key events. Edward and Bella's suicide attempts and then the meeting with the Volturi in which a foot was put down.

Bella remaining human was no longer an option. The Volturi had found out and given them a very small window in which to turn Bella or kill her, if they returned and she was alive, it would not be good. Even barring that, though, the Cullens found out that Edward planned to kill himself upon Bella's death, Bella very much wants to be a vampire, and she's now so entangled in this nonsense with vampires hunting her that the reasons to keep her human seem less and less viable to the point where only Rosalie and Edward strongly wish for Bella to remain human.

The point is, after New Moon, the writing was on the wall and we had Carlisle agreeing to turn Bella as soon as she wished no questions asked. Edward was the one desperately postponing it for as long as possible (which in the end only ended up being a few paltry months).

Before New Moon, though, especially with the guarantee that Bella will never wake up from this and never talk about how she had a vampire boyfriend, turning Bella isn't necessarily as compelling to all of the Cullens.

Back to the Ask

So, Bella's too injured and will never live a normal life and it's kind of all their faults, what are they going to do about this? The Cullens hold a vote/meeting in which Carlisle lays out the grim realities of Bella's future in that she essentially isn't going to have one and will bankrupt her family for as long as they choose to keep her on life support.

Attempting to turn her is really the only option at this point, and it's possible it would work, but she may be too far gone even for that and they'd have to plan faking her death. (Probably not too difficult if they convince someone to pull the plug and do some fake dead body shenanigans later).

There's also a whole bunch of problems of how to make it clear the Cullens weren't involved in all of this, when the last thing Bella did was break up with her boyfriend and flee home... and now she's been found beaten into a coma...

"We also have to disappear for a while" Carlisle notes as he doesn't think they can survive a murder investigation.

Rosalie's adamantly against, this is horrible, yes, but she wished someone had been there to pull the plug on her and she will not vote in favor of turning Bella even if it means she gets to live. No.

Alice is for because if we don't do this... guys... it's going to get bad... The entire family will collapse. Guys. Just fucking turn Bella. (She's considering doing it herself except that Edward knows she's considering doing this which is not good).

Edward, of course, just sucked out the venom to save Bella and is not going to bite her again even to save her from this. Bella's life has... just met its natural end is what it looks like.

Edward, panicking at the possibility of someone (Alice) turning Bella, as well as the fact that they are apparently disappearing now as Edward will be questioned on "why did your girlfriend break up with you and was found beaten to death in her home town when you were conveniently missing from the Forks area in the same time frame?" Has to pull the plug on Bella before she can be turned into a vampire.

He does so in a moment of true agony then goes with his original plan of going to Volterra and asking the Volturi to kill him because he told a human, who ended up in a coma because he brought her to a vampire baseball game, and he's now killed her so that his family members wouldn't turn her into a vampire.

"But you followed the law???" - Aro, who is having the strangest day of his life.

Edward walks into the sunlight and dies.

[therealvinelle]

As a casual Agatha Christie fan, I am delighted by that recommendation. Do you have any other favorite books from her?

Sure!

And Then There Were None Ten people go to an island, it does not go well. This one stands out in that it has a good adaptation!

Appointment with Death The murder is ingenius and all in this one, but what I particularly enjoy is how well Christie captures the power an abusive mother can have over her adult children, it's a dynamic you don't often see in fiction (at least not played out this way).

Cards on the Table M. Shaitana has a fantastic idea: he's going to invite four murderers and four law enforcers to his house for a night of bridge, and he's going to stir up as much drama as possible. Things do not go well for M. Shaitana. (Stay miles away from the Suchet adaptation)

Crooked House The patriarch of an affluent family dies, and his twelve-year-old granddaughter decides to investigate. I was the same age when I first read it, which made the ending uh interesting.

Curtain Poirot finds the perfect murderer.

Death on the Nile Makes the list for many reasons, it's such a classical Christie but also because nobody agrees with Jackie's life choices, not even Jackie.

Hallowe'en Party A child claims to have witnessed a murder, no one believes her. A few hours later she's found murdered. I mostly like this one for the utterly insane murderer. What a champ.

Murder on the Orient Express There's a murder on the Orient Express. (If you want a film version, the 1974 version is the best. Suchet's version is... melodramatic, I don't like its ending but it had a fantastic opening scene, while the Branagh version is an atrocity, do not watch.)

Ordeal by Innocence Five years ago Arthur Calgary nerded about penguins to some random guy then left for Antarctica the next day. It was great. Now he returns to England only to find that the man was Jacob Argyle, and he was accused of murdering his mother that night. He kept claiming his alibi was some penguin guy and could give very specific, identifying details that five years later make Arthur Calgary "yup, that's me!", but Calgary was in Antarctica at the time so he never came forward. And uh Jacob died in prison in the meantime. But, Calgary tells himself, the important thing is that Jacob was innocent, right? Right? The Argyle family, who had finally put this behind them only to learn that their brother was innocent and one of the remaining members did it, don't agree.

Sad Cypress Elinor Carlisle is sad. She's about to hang for a double homicide she might not have committed, but even without that she'd still be pretty miserable.

The Secret Adversary I felt I had to recommend a Tommy and Tuppence, and while I don't remember much of any of them I'll just recommend the first one in the series. Tommy and Tuppence books are more political thriller than the usual fare, great fun if you want to switch things up during your Christie binge. (Do not touch ITV's By the Pricking of My Thumbs, though.)

The Mirror Crack'd One of my all-time favorites and weirdly formative. Miss Marple is grappling with the realities of old age, and solves a murder along the way. It's more character heavy than many of Christie's books, people do the things they do because it is in their nature and they can't escape it.

The Mysterious Affair at Styles The very first one! It makes the list for that. And because if you plan to read Curtain, you should read this one first as it references this one a lot.

Towards Zero Following the logic that the murder isn't the beginning of the story, but rather the culmination of one, this story is building towards the zero point - the moment the murder will occur.

Honestly, anon, I'm just listing Christies I fondly remember, I can keep going but the post will just get unreasonably long. Go read Agatha Christie, she's great.

Hercule Poirot's Christmas and A Pocketful of Rye get special shoutouts because while I haven't read the books, the ITV adaptations were really good, the former particularly with the casting and the latter particularly with the way the reveal was done. Same goes for One, Two, Buckle My Shoe, haven't read it but the adaptation was great.

(Overall I'm ambivalent about ITV's adaptations, the Poirot series wanted to be a fairly light, feelgood show the whole family could watch after dinner, and while both series liked to change things from the books and overall make them more daytime television, the Miss Marple series changed a lot more than the Poirot series did. They both have a nasty habit of putting Poirot and Marple in stories they weren't originally, usually to the story's detriment (passive aggressive shoutout to By the Pricking of My Thumbs). It's annoying, though does make it hilarious that they couldn't put Poirot in Crooked House.

They're still entertaining and I don't turn off the TV when an episode is on unless it's one of the bad ones, but... well it's daytime television-ified Christie.)

[stardewsnail]

Could you do sfw and nsfw headcanons for Harvey with a partner who’s a vampire?? (Maybe not the type that burns in the sun, I don’t know if a vampire like that would be a very good farmer lol)

Tysm!

This request is a DELIGHT

Okay we’re gonna go with an adventure time style vampire where the farmer wears gloves and a big hat when they’re outside. This farmer has a collection of parasols. They’re always in long sleeves, gardening gloves, overalls, boots, and a big sun hat.

Sfw

Harvey is going to intensely study his partner. Not in a creepy government lab way but in a “holy shit medical school never prepared me for this” kind of way

Will help figure out a way to keep his partner fed sans murder. The murder is a hard line though, being pro murder would be a deal breaker. Something about a Hippocratic Oath

Harvey being so stressed out about his partner getting hurt in the mines only to find out that they are in fact one of the monsters down there

That’s a relief for him, honestly.

Of course the big question here would be if he also wanted to be a vampire…I think he would. I think he’d be totally fine with it as long as there was a murderless path. A little like Carlisle Cullen, he’d want to keep being a doctor. (None of the weird Mormonism or forever high school or weird cult stuff though)

He will do research into the best possible sunscreen and spf clothing.

This vampire can fly, and will carry Harvey through the air. It’s really helped his fear of heights knowing he’ll never fall when he’s with his partner.

NSFW

Okay if nobody is going to say it then I will YOU WOULDN’T DATE A VAMPIRE UNLESS YOU HAD A VAMPIRE KINK

Harvey was very, very into classic monster movies and vampire flicks during some very impressionable teen years, alright?

He already loves having his neck kissed or nipped—having an actual vampire romancing him and pressing their lips to his throat would drive him insane.

whimpering and needy, he’d throw back his head so they would have full access

If it was medically safe to do (or at least not completely medically risky) he would let his partner feed on him and he would find it a little sexy. Like he would never have any kind of blood kink except in this scenario (pathogens! Yikes!) but the pain and eroticism of his partner kissing only to bite and suck or gently lap at the wound. To know that he is the one nurturing his partner’s body in this most intimate of ways? He’s into it. Let the man live.

He’s more submissive as it is—and having a partner who is stronger and faster and magical to take care of him or dominate him means his sex life just improved exponentially. He’s a big, tall guy who’s wants to be manhandled and thrown around.

Want his partner to please pin him against the wall and hoist him up by his thighs so he can wrap his legs around their hips.

There’s also an element of bringing pleasure to such a beautiful and supernatural creature—that in their entire immortal life he gets to have his face between their thighs making them feel so good. And I don’t care how long the vampire has been alive—Harvey is the best head they’ve ever had.

[palmofafreezinghand]

For the Emoji Ask:

🛒💖⛔

Thank you for the ask @gisellelx !! Apologies it took me forever.

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

I once again lack the self-awareness to answer this question well but here we go: 

Imagery: Esme has a baby blanket that was with her when she “died.” It’s implausible it would have survived in the water she jumped into but in my mind, the fishermen who found her kept it with her, no matter how implausible. It barely retains the scent of her son but it was enough for newborn her to smell and remember forever. Carlisle has crocheted a couple of replicas that pop up in my fics often. (I don’t know why I think Carlisle crochets but in my mind he does). 

Esme’s quilts are usually draped over a chair or the foot of a bed. I will admit I think this is partly because of who I think of Esme as a character and the fact every woman in my family quilts and I have so strongly associated fabric carefully cut into shapes and pieced back together to make purposeful patterns and the hours it takes as the ultimate labor of love. (And we have the state ribbons to prove it!) 

I always describe Esme as smelling like honeysuckle because Double Indemnity is one of my favorite books and films and the line “How could I have known murder can sometimes smell like honeysuckle?” changed something in the chemistry of my brain and I think Carlisle had a very similar reckoning sometime in the 1920s. 

Themes/feels: Carlisle as a narrator is always two-degrees separated from his motivations. He could be having the most mundane conversation at work and even subtly he’s thinking about Edward. Vice versa when he’s home he’s thinking about work and all the work he should be doing. 

Carlisle often ends up being a pretty anxious guy when I give him the talking stick, I think this is 2 fold 1. I write predominantly in 1920-1931 which was a rough time for the poor guy. 2. Edward got it from somewhere. And I think contrasting his absolute idolization of Carlisle and demonization of himself with a “You two are the same person in different fonts” is really fun. 

Scenes: Big scenes always happen in Esme’s bedroom. I didn’t consciously set out for it to be like that it just seems 

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

DO I!? My google drive is absolutely littered with wips that will never be finished. I write in a weird order of operations: dialogue then add everything else which means I have a lot of documents that are just conversations I can see happening but have yet to find a plot for. I have yet to abandon a published fic (although I sometimes do take upwards of six months to update things…) 

I’ve contemplated at least a half dozen different versions of human!Esme but have scrapped them all because it always seems to boil down to “Carlisle wouldn’t,” and in 1920 neither would Esme in my opinion. 

💖 What made you start writing?

Non-fandom: My grandfather is an author. I’ve written for as long as I can remember. 

Fandom-wise: I work in politics and 2020 was an… interesting election cycle. I was working 40 hours a week (unpaid) while going to school full-time and was centimeters away from a breakdown. My “vampiric literature” professor noticed and emailed me an “Odd Ways to Improve your Mental Health” infographic. One of the bullet points was “engage with fandom of your childhood interest.” I thought that was the stupidest thing ever but vaguely remembered reading @/panlight’s blog in middle school and thought what the hell let’s do it. I remember the general concept of Esme’s backstory had been the most intriguing to me for some reason back as a tween and went from there. 

The escapism was absolutely priceless but I kept myself distanced. “I can read these stories in a private browser and under no circumstances will create an account on any platform.” (It’s one of my goals to go back and properly leave a review on the fics I read during that time). 

In November we won the election by 13% and flipped a district — the only trade-off I  became obsessed with a character who is absolutely inconsequential to the plot of a book series I don’t remember liking when I first read it. 

I didn’t need the escapism for a couple of months, only keeping up with the stories that were actively updating. I don’t if anyone remembers what happened on January 6, 2021. I made my blog no later than the 9th. By January 24th I had written and posted my first ever fic.  @/esmeshardwoodfloors posted about how Carlisle and Esme could not have possibly gotten married in under a year and must have pretended to be married for some time. I agreed wholeheartedly and could see the whole thing pretty clearly. I wrote a chapter based on it, expecting no one to read it, and for me to abandon it quickly. Over a year later I’m 129,000+ words in…

[magicianpanache]

The Jasper Opportunity Part 1: The Past

Well, after quite an eventful start to the school year, looks like I'm back, and I'm going to be talking about Jasper Hale.

To do that, we must first of all start with a simple question.

Who is Jasper Hale ?

We have the basics, of course, we know when he was born, how he died, etc. In fact, his origin story is probably the most controversial of the Twilight fandom. I'll be the first to admit that I was... taken aback when I realized that the guy was fighting on the side of slavery (not being from the US, I didn't realize the implications of his fighting for the southern states when I read Twilight at 11 years old, but I got there eventually).

However, as I grow older, I realize now that Jasper's character quite compelling, and is, in fact, the kind of character that a world populated by immortal beings would be full of.

What do I mean by that ?

Well, people's values are informed by the society the grew up in. People don't magically become more, or less, racist. I can guarantee that a majority of the people who read this would have had the exact same attitude as Jasper had they been born in the same circumstances. Carlisle and Jasper are the two Cullens who don't have humans older than them still alive, which means that the two of them should feel the more alien.

This could've opened up an interesting reflexion about the changes in Jasper's view of the world. Does he feel guilty about his part in the civil war ? Or does he accept it in the same way one accepts that Genghis Khan murdered his way across the Eurasian continent ? Or is it a mere blip on his radar considering his considerable body count ?

What about Bella ? What benign belief does she hold that will be horrible in a hundred and fifty years ? Meat consumption ? Car ownership ?

Of course, Bella doesn't care or bother to think about it, but the question is still there.

Then, he fought in the Newborn Wars. That single handedly makes him the closest to an average vampire out of all the Cullens (Carlisle, as he was nomad for a long time, and Edward with his killing spree, come closer, but Carlisle never drank human blood and Edward wasn't gone for that long). When he explains his past, this is the closest we have to realizing the savage and depressing world of vampires.

Of course, SM wanted her steamy vampire romance, so we didn't get any of that.

But still, the character had potential.

[specialagentlokitty]

Derek Morgan x reader - Secrets

Ok, muse. I'd like a crossover. The reader is a member of the pack. Who comes across the team while they're on a case in Washington somewhere. The reader imprints on Morgan. - Anon 💜

Pacing back and forth, you ran a hand through your hair as you listened to sam explain what was going on.

“So you’re telling us the FBI have come to investigate the disappearances?” Paul asked.

“The same ones which are related to the bloodsuckers and Bella?” You asked.

Sam sighed and nodded his head.

“Yeah, Edward told Bella that Charlie said they’re going into the woods tomorrow to find some clues.”

“Shit.” You whispered.

Everyone was tense, it was dangerous enough in the woods.

Let alone having outsiders wondering about when you had murderous vampires running around trying to get as many as they could turned.

“We’ll have to be cautious and follow them. The cullens will follow them on their land, and when the cross the line it’s up to us.”

Everyone nodded and you all went about your win business for the rest of the day.

When it was time to head to the treaty line, you all walked there to find Edward and Carlisle standing on their side.

“The agents are coming this way. They’re splitting up into groups.” Carlisle said.

“How many?” Sam asked.

“3 groups.”

Everyone nodded.

“Edward will let you know when they’re close enough for you to follow.”

You all huffed at the thought of working with them.

Sam handed you all your groups.

You were going to be with Jake, Paul and Leah. Leaving you guys he gave everyone spots and you guys were going to stay there and watch over whichever group your way.

Shifting, you all headed up to the top of the hill and laid down to wait.

“Ours is here.” Sam spoke.

“Ours too.” Embry said.

A moment later two people came through your clearly and you looked to the other three off your group.

“Ours just arrived.” Jacob replied.

You guys got up, and you started to trailed behind them, making sure to keep your distance from the pair of them.

“Derek there’s nothing.” One sighed.

“Yea, I know Reid.”

They stopped and you guys hang back, laying low behind some bushes you guys simply just watched them.

When the taller one turned around, you caught his eyes and you saw things flash in your head.

A coffee shop, the pair of you laughing. Smiling, a wedding, a kid.

Quickly too averted your gaze.

“Are you serious?” Paul growled.

“What’s happening?” Sam asked.

“(Y/N) just imprinted on one of the agents.” Leah sighed.

“I can’t help it!” You hissed.

You shook your head and looked at your friends.

“I’m going to head back, it’ll be too dangerous if I stay.”

With that, you slowly snuck away back to the reservation.

Shifting back, you headed to Sam and Emily’s place and padded over to the table.

“I thought you were on protection detail.”

“I was but… I imprinted…”

She sat down and you told her about the man, Derek. What you saw and what you felt.

While you guys were talking the others returned and you looked up at Sam.

“They’re coming here later.”

You nodded your head, you took a deep breath and headed outside.

You were going to meet your imprint in real life, and that was terrifying.

You spent a few hours out there, running about and messing around with the boys. You were currently sat in Embry cheering while Seth and Paul laughed at him.

“Hey!” Sam yelled.

You guys looked up, and you saw Derek again. This time with his whole team.

You were in awestruck but you quickly recovered and climbed off Embry, giving him a hand up.

The rest of the pack came over and surrounded you guys.

“We were told you could help us.”

They introduced themselves, and you guys did as well, taking the meeting inside.

You let the agents sit down while you sat on the counter, Paul stood next to you.

“You know the area right?”

“We all do.” You nodded.

“And the people who disappeared have you seen them?”

You shook your head.

“No.” Sam said, “no one has passed this way. We helped the locals track them east and that’s as far as we got.”

Hotch nodded his head, asked a few more questions before they stood up to leave.

“Thank you.”

Sam escorted them out and you felt lonely, but you knew it was for the best. You couldn’t bring Derek into this life. Not yet.

For the rest of their case you saw them a few more times, whether it was they came back to ask more questions.

On the last day, you were walking around the reservation with Derek while his team spoke to the rest of the pack.

“You guys like a gang or something?” He asked.

You flicked your eyes up to him and rose a brow.

“What do you mean?” You asked.

“The tattoos, the guys walking around shirtless. Those are gang signs if I’ve ever seen any.”

You laughed a little and shook your head.

“No, not a gang. More off… a family. It’s a right of passage in a way.” You smiled, “protectors. Only a select few are chosen, we protect the reservation.”

“Right.”

He didn’t seemed convinced and you smirked.

“You know, I’d you’re that curious you should come visit.” You mused.

Derek chuckled, crossing his arms across his chest as he smirked at you.

“Maybe I’ll take you up on that offer.”

“And you have my number I’d you do.” You winked.

Derek went to say something, but you guys were cut off by some of the guys shouting.

“Let’s go (Y/N)!” Sam yelled.

Giving Derek a sheepish smile, you shrugged a little and jogged around him.

“Gotta go. Sorry!”

With that, you ran away and he watched as you guys slipped into the forest out of sight.

He was curious, and they knew you guys were hiding something

[volturiwolf]

Unorthodox - An Embry Call x vampire!fem!Reader Story - Part 2

A/N: This part is a bit longer than the first one, as I had to add the pack's reaction to the imprint - @foreveror-never suggested it, and I was thinking about it, so I added it.

A/N 2: (Y/N) loves expensive and lavish things - you will see it here and in later chapters

A/N 3: As Paul is 16 (a minor), I think Rachel (his imprint/Jacob's sister) should also be a minor, so I imagine her a year younger than Paul, Jacob, Quil, Jared, and Embry, at 15.

No of Words: 5600+

Through the parts, mentions of: Abusive relationship, Attacks, Hunt, Illusions, Loneliness, Mental health, Murder, Sex / Sex language / Sexual activities, Suicide, Swear language, Wild imagination

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Part 1

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"Unorthodox" Tag List (reply if you want to be added or removed): @eunoia-kth @eugeniapet @aquanova99 @foggyturtleknightangel @avecletempsy @girlgirlgirlnormal @hshehdyhd @musicandpenguins @letskidnapsenpai

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(Y/N)’s POV

The past few days had been filled with nerves and anxiety. We couldn’t understand who could have been behind the events in Seattle, and that kept us on edge. This graduation party was the last thing we needed right now, but Carlisle and Esme still agreed to go along with it for Alice’s sake, but most importantly for Bella, as it was her first graduation.

I decided that I would have a good time myself, not worry about my thoughts for once, and just let loose. Carlisle and Esme left the house to ourselves, as they preferred to go out on a romantic walk. Bella just arrived at the party but did not notice me, as she turned around.

That’s when I smelled the “mutts”, as the five Cullen siblings called the wolves. The stink now was unlike anything they had described to me - dirt, mold, wet dog, canned dog food? It was difficult to describe it, but it left my nose burning.

Among the smells, there was another one, far more pleasant than the stink I smelled before. It smelled like wood, pine, grass, the ocean. It smelled better than blood, better than anything I have ever smelled in my life. It smelled like warmth and home. I didn’t quite fully comprehend it, but it smelled familiar like it was calling me.

I turned to look at Bella, and she was already talking with Jacob, who stank so much by now. I played it cool, trying not to breathe, so I wouldn’t have to get out of here earlier than I had planned.

“Was my right hook too subtle for you?” I laughed at Bella’s words, as I remember telling us how she broke her hand punching Jacob in the face.

He was now trying to apologize to her, but it didn’t feel too genuine for me. Well, that was just me though, as she seemed to be relaxing a bit from her previous defensive attitude. I walked by Bella’s side just as Jacob was handing her her “graduation present”, a wolf bracelet.

“Hey, Bells!” I greeted and side-hugged Bella carefully. I turned towards Jacob, smiling widely and extending my hand towards him. “Hi, I’m (Y/N)! You must be Jacob. I’ve heard so many things about you.” He ignored me, rolling his eyes, probably annoyed I interrupted his conversation with Bella. I wouldn’t let the wolf ruin my mood. So, I just smiled and turned towards the two that were accompanying Jacob tonight.

“Hi! I’m (Y/N).” I extended my hand for them to shake. The shorter boy, with the slightly curly hair, shook my hand first.

“Hi, I’m Quil. I think we met the other day.” He smiled at me.

“Yes! You were on patrol with Paul, right? You replaced Edward and me? Nice to meet you!” I felt Jacob shaking his head behind me at the mention of Edward’s name. Pfft, get over yourself, big guy.

“Yeah, exactly! It’s nice meeting you, too.” Quil’s face lit up, the cold attitude that he had a few days ago nowhere to be seen. He actually seemed pretty nice. “By the way, this is my friend, Embry. He is part of our pack.”

I turned to look at the other guy, who stood a few inches taller than Quil, extending my hand, waiting for him to shake it. “Hi, I’m (Y/N). Nice to meet you, Embry!” I chirped in. He was totally gorgeous, and if I could blush, my whole face would be burning by now.

He lifted his face to look at me, and the moment our eyes met, he froze at his place. I felt a fire burning inside me, and electricity passing through my body. My mind cleared up completely, for the first time ever since I became a vampire. I could now see what he was thinking about. I saw us running through the woods - Embry in his wolf form; us laughing at the beach; I saw myself lying in his arms.

I was taken aback. Embry was still frozen to his place, his eyes looking at me widely, and Quil had to start shaking him to bring him back to reality. He came back just in time I heard and saw Alice coming down the stairs. She suddenly froze. Bella also noticed and we both excused ourselves to stand in front of the small brunette vampire.

I stood in front of Alice, watching the images in her head. I saw Riley Biers, the guy who had been missing for over a year now, his face plastered on posters all over Forks. He was holding a red blouse, and he was giving it around to the newborns to sniff it. I saw him and the newborns swimming and walking towards Forks. The vision stopped and I started panicking. I didn’t even notice Embry coming to stand beside me until I felt the warmth radiating off his body.

“Alice, what’d you see?” Bella was starting to panic.

Alice looked at me, her face just as upset as mine probably was. “The decision’s been made.”

Jacob came to stand beside Bella. “What’s going on?”

Realization hit Bella. “You’re not going to Seattle.”

“No. They’re coming here.”

----------------------------------------------------------

I called Carlisle and thankfully, he came as soon as he could. Alice went to get Edward and Jasper, and along with the wolves and Bella, we all walked in the small patio, not able to wait any longer for the guests to leave the house.

It was a complicated and upsetting situation. We came to the conclusion that the newborn army could not just have been created by Riley Biers; there must have been someone else behind it.

Jacob, Embry, and Quil quietly agreed with each other, deciding to fight the newborns along with us. Bella was currently trying to prevent Jacob from fighting the newborns, afraid that he could hurt himself.

I looked at Embry, who was already looking at me. I may have not known him at all, but I couldn’t bear the thought of him fighting the newborns. He could be the greatest fighter of all for all I know, but newborns are not to be taken lightly. They are lethal. I was talking from my own experience and other newborns I met along the way.

Newborns are uncontrollable and vicious, the only thing we ever think about at that stage of our life is blood and how to soothe our never-ending thirst. At that point, we are way superior in every sense than any other vampire. Our senses are heightened, our stamina much greater, our strength far greater. We are designed to kill at that point, and the only thing that can stop us is our very own vanity and carelessness.

I didn’t know how the wolves would be able to deal with them, without getting themselves hurt. I would never say they were incapable of fighting or they were weaker than us, but, at least, we could, more or less, know what it feels like being a newborn, driven by a sort of madness, your vanity, your thirst; all these were things the wolves would not be able to understand.

Carlisle turned to Jacob. “We’ll all need some training. Fighting newborns requires knowledge that Jasper has. You’re welcome to join us.”

“Right. Name the time and place.” Jacob seemed too confident in himself.

Carlisle turned at me. “(Y/N)? Will you join us?”

I felt everyone’s eyes on me. “Of course. I will fight with you. You are my family after all. Whoever is behind this, won’t even know I exist.”

Carlisle nodded at me and then turned to the three wolves before us. “Tomorrow, 1 pm. We’ll meet at a clearing 4 miles southeast from here. It will give us enough space and privacy, away from the town.”

Jacob nodded and he and Quil went to leave but stopped once they saw that Embry was still looking at me. I felt an urge to fall into his arms, to talk to him, but I also knew that this relationship could probably never work. I just needed time to think. So, when I saw Embry taking a few steps towards me, I turned to Carlisle.

“Carlisle, I’ll be going now. I’ll meet you all tomorrow.” I turned to Embry to look at him one last time, mouthing a “Sorry, I need some time” to him, before running towards the stairs as humanly fast as possible, and down to the garage to take my car.

I was thankful now that I convinced Carlisle and Esme to allow me to have my own space. They knew we would be close to each other, but they understood and respected my need for privacy. When I found a nice house, about 1 mile southeast from the Cullens, I moved all my stuff there.

I also got myself a few cars, just in case I needed to go anywhere and didn’t want to draw unnecessary attention. Something which I now thought I did not manage to achieve, as my Lamborghini Murciélago LP650-4 Roadster drew too much attention, not quite fitting for the small town of Forks. The exclusivity in its production and availability made it stand out even more than the other Murciélago editions.

However, instead of going home, I drove up to Port Angeles. I left my car near the warehouses down at the docks, and jumped to the sea, swimming all the way across to Vancouver Island. I just wanted to get away, maybe hunt, go somewhere that neither Embry nor any other wolf could reach for now.

I needed time for myself, with myself, just to think about everything. Bella and, with extension, the Cullens were hunted down by newborns; I mated with the wolf; the wolf mated with me; vampires and wolves do not get along - I would say they hate each other, but Embry’s and Quil’s attitude did not clearly state that, and, above all, my head had started killing me again.

I didn’t realize it quite as quickly but, as long as I was near Embry’s presence, everything was clear, specified, and understandable. The moment I left his side, everything started becoming unbearable. More confusing and complicated than it was before. It was as if Embry unraveled the mysteries and knots I had in my head and when I left, I took the pain and complications of being away from a mate with me, in my head. I just wished for once that my mind was clear and stable, and I now knew what I had to do.

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Embry’s POV

“You what?” Paul had been screaming for a solid 10 minutes, pacing back and forth around Emily and Sam’s living room.

Thankfully, Sam, having expected such reactions, managed to drag Emily out of the house in time, telling her to go to Billy’s as fast as she could. Paul was fuming, and Sam knew that he had to put his imprint’s life first before Paul did anything to put her life in danger.

“Paul, CALM DOWN! You’re going to break the house down!” Leah screamed back at him.

“How do you expect me to calm down, Leah? Didn’t you hear what he said?" Paul’s hand pointed at me. “HE IMPRINTED ON A LEECH!” He snarled, sitting back down on his chair.

“I heard what he said, Paul! I, too, am disgusted, especially with how my little brother seems a bit too excited about this!” Leah was now staring at Seth, a mix of disgust and anger on her face.

“What?” Seth shrugged, smiling. “Quil said she was cool.” Quil nodded in agreement, smiling widely. “Besides, she’s hanging out with the Cullens. She has to be one of the good vampires, right?”

Paul and Jacob hit their fists down at the table, growling. I jumped a bit, taken aback by their actions. I knew Jacob didn’t like the Cullens, but what was Paul’s issue? She was MY imprint after all.

“Don’t you dare break this table!” Sam snarled at the two wolves. “You don’t choose who you imprint to. You two should know that!” Sam was staring between the two boys, who sat across from each other, around Emily and Sam’s dining table.

“Embry?” I lifted my head to look at the Alpha. All this time, I felt as if Paul put me up against a wall, and just yelled at me for no reason. “You good?” I simply nodded, not being able to say a word, in fear of triggering Paul once again.

Paul turned his head to look at the Alpha. “Are you serious, Sam? She’s a fucking bloodsucker! Just because Embry imprinted on her, does NOT mean she does NOT drink blood!” Paul was hitting his palm on the table with every word he said.

“No, it does not. But, because she’s Embry’s imprint, it means that we won’t have to worry about her like we do for the Cullens. Embry, I would like to meet her eventually. After the battle, of course; we first have to focus on fighting off those newborns.” I nodded at Sam, relieved that he was willing to meet (Y/N).

“Meet her? You mean bring her here? Are you crazy, Sam? Jared! You are not gonna say anything?” Paul turned to look at our packmate who was now munching on his third chocolate chip muffin that Emily had baked for the evening.

Jared looked around as everyone’s eyes fell on him. “What?”

“Sam wants to meet the leech. Here!” Jacob answered back at him.

“Oh, okay.”

“Are you serious, dude?” Paul widened his eyes, looking at Jared angrily.

“What? I don’t mind (Y/N). Plus, one less mouth to feed.” Jared grinned, while Quil and Seth burst laughing.

Paul was shaking by now, as he practically jumped out of his chair, and ran out of the house. I was worried about him and the pack - half of the pack was accepting and willing to give (Y/N) a chance, and the other half could not accept that she was my imprint, and I couldn’t do anything to change that. I didn’t want to change that. I always craved to find my imprint, and now that I found her, I would not let anyone take her away from me.

Vampire or not, she was my imprint, and the pack had to accept that and move on. The pack’s law stated that no wolf could turn against another wolf’s imprint - that was what bothered Paul so much. His clear hatred towards vampires would inevitably expand to (Y/N), and now he couldn’t do anything to her. I understood Leah hating on the vampires - the redhead was responsible for her father’s death, and the Cullens’ very presence triggered her transformation, making her the first known female shapeshifter. However, she hated the wrong vampire - (Y/N) was not the issue here, the redhead was.

We sat around the table for a solid hour, not talking, just thinking. Jared was on his tenth muffin by now - “nervous eating” he was calling it. Nobody from the rest of us was hungry anymore; we were all worried for Paul, for me imprinting on a vampire, for tomorrow’s training with the Cullens, for the upcoming battle.

We heard someone coming closer to the house from afar - sniffing the air around, we knew it was Paul. He entered the house, looking calmer than he did before. He came to my side, extending his hand to me. The moment I grabbed his, he pulled me up and into his arms in a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry, brother. I should have not overreacted. I know you cannot control the imprint. I’m just..worried, scared, for everyone. I’m sorry for what I said.” Paul was..apologizing? Paul NEVER apologized. I knew he meant it though.

“It’s alright, Paul. I just need you all to accept her; whatever she chooses to do with me, with the imprinting, you’ll have to accept her. She will have to be protected and taken care of, just like any other imprint.” I felt Paul tense a bit under our embrace. “Paul, I trust her. She’s good.”

“Okay, I trust you if you think she won’t harm anyone. I guess she is welcome to visit.” Paul pulled away and grinned.

“Thank you. It means a lot to me. Truly.” I smiled back, and he playfully smacked my arm, laughing.

We turned to look back at the others. Everyone nodded, even Leah and Jacob who seemed reluctant and reserved at first. Only Seth was smiling widely.

“Great! A new friend for me!” He stood up, doing his “happy dance”.

Oh, God! What have I gotten (Y/N) into?

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(Y/N)’s POV

It was almost 1 pm by now, and I was driving down towards the clearing. I spent my night hunting in Vancouver Island, before swimming back to Port Angeles sometime in the morning. I took my time to dry, and I changed into new clothes I kept in my car. I once again thanked the constantly cloudy weather that has become synonymous with the state of Washington but was actually ideal for me and other vampires to walk around quite unnoticed.

I arrived at the clearing just a couple of minutes after Edward and Bella arrived; everyone was present, even the wolves, who I knew would not trust us just yet to be in their human forms, and it was understandable. Just because Embry and I had a connection did not mean that we would demand the wolves to be vulnerable in front of us. They had the right to be just as suspicious towards the Cullens as the Cullens seemed to be towards the wolves.

They all seemed to have been waiting for me, as Carlisle started speaking the moment I came to stand between Esme and Edward, nearby Alice and Bella. Edward would be the translator between us and the wolves. Carlisle welcomed them and explained how the newborn vampires differ from us, after Sam’s inquiry. Jasper started talking about how they differ in numbers from regular human armies and gave a few tips on dealing with them.

“Now, the two most important things to remember are, first, never let them get their arms around you. They’ll crush you instantly. And second, never go for the obvious kill. They’ll be expecting that, and you will lose.” I saw a wolf growl, and turn his head to look at me, his face softening a bit. Embry. I smiled at him in response.

To prove his point, Jasper called Emmett first. Emmett was the clear example of a vampire depending exclusively on their raw force and strength. Though he wasn’t lacking in brainpower, Emmett was the strongest member of the Cullen family and he used that as his only gift, not having any special ability like three of his siblings did.

Emmett depended on his strength just like the newborns depended on their own, so he was a good example for the wolves to see just how such a vampire would act and react. Just like how Jasper expected, Emmett depended on his strength on this one to one with Jasper, and thus, Jasper managed to easily overpower him. “Never lose focus.”

Edward and Carlisle were next. Their fight went on for a few minutes, both managing to excellently avoid each other’s attacks, and while Edward seemed to have the upper hand as he pinned Carlisle to the ground, smirking to Jasper - “One more thing”, Carlisle turned around and pinned Edward to the ground instead. “Never turn your back on your enemy”, Jasper snarled as he rolled his eyes, being as sassy as he could.

Rosalie was up next against Jasper. Their fight was almost like a dance, synchronized, beautiful; it had rhythm, passion, accuracy. Rosalie seemed to be the most graceful of all fighters, having probably studied the moves shown before and mimicking them to the point, without getting a single piece of dirt on her. That went on for a few minutes until Jasper decided they were even.

Alice and Jasper’s fight resembled a mix of the two previous ones. It was synchronized and rhythmical, but a few punches were thrown around, both of them avoiding them. At one point, Jasper managed to catch Alice and attempted to kiss her, before she slipped out of his hands. Jasper was clearly confused until Alice jumped off the tree above him, landing on his back and lightly pecking him on the lips; the only one who beat Jasper today.

“(Y/N)?” Edward called me. “Are you up for a challenge?” He was smirking at me like a little prick. I loved that little prick, he was family, but he was a prick nonetheless.

“Do you want to do this my way or your way?” Instead of answering, Edward smirked. He thought he could win, especially now that Embry was present, and Edward could probably hear my thoughts more easily. “Got it.” I smirked back and the illusion began.

I decided to create a “whole package” illusion for everyone to see. Suddenly, there were about 15 different (Y/N)s in front of Edward, all smirking at him. I took a few steps back to watch the illusion from afar, making myself invisible in everyone’s heads. Edward was clearly trying to catch a string of thoughts, but all he could hear were the different thoughts that came from the illusions in front of him. I only allowed him to listen to them, and only them, nobody else. The voices were falling one on top of the other, so the mind-reader could not really make out what they were saying exactly.

He launched himself to one (Y/N) on his right, but that one managed to avoid his attack. He launched himself again towards another illusion and that (Y/N) grabbed him and threw him away. In reality, he fell on his feet on his own, the illusion did not grab him or throw him, but he felt as if it did. Edward was now baffled, not being able to distinguish between reality and illusion, and everyone looked at the scene in front of them curiously.

Meanwhile, I was actually sitting on the branch of a tree above the wolves, looking at Edward, standing in the middle of the clearing, confused, his eyes moving around too fast for the human eyes, grimaces all over his usually perfect face. Everyone else was still staring in front of them, consumed in the illusion I created for their own eyes only.

Everyone except for Bella, who has now noticed me and was staring at me. Was she a shield or something? I put a finger on my lips, asking her to stay quiet and just wait for the illusion to end. She didn’t say a thing, but just nodded at me, and turned back to face Edward who was still “fighting” with the illusions.

I looked down, and I realized I was almost above Embry. I smiled slightly at being so close to him. It gave me a sense of calmness and I could concentrate better on my illusion; his presence gave me a sense of control over my mind, without distracting me from my purpose. I jumped down from the tree and landed silently next to him. I looked at him carefully, trying to take in every detail of his wolf form.

His fur was gray, with black spots all around, his nose dark gray and somewhat white fur around his eyes and mouth. He was much sleeker than the other wolves but seemed strong nonetheless. His warm brown human eyes were replaced by icy gray, almost white, wolf ones.

I couldn’t help myself stroking his fur lightly, gliding my fingers through his back, feeling the extreme heat and warmth engulfing me, my fingers burning under the touch. I felt him shiver slightly, but calming completely within a few seconds. I heard some of the wolves growling. They must have felt what Embry did through the wolf telepathy, which Edward informed me about.

I let go of Embry and I heard him whimpering at the loss of touch, and I couldn’t help but smirk. He could feel the bond through the illusion, which normally wouldn’t happen. I looked at him once again before running to the other side of the clearing and jumping up another tree.

“Okay, I think that would be enough.” I told everyone and stopped the illusion. Edward was looking around confused and exhausted as if he actually fought with me. They all turned to look up at me, and I heard Embry huffing in what I assumed was a laugh. I jumped down from the tree and bowed theatrically.

Jacob walked closer to Bella and she started talking to him, but I didn’t pay attention to what she was telling him because I was too focused on Embry. I smiled at him and waved slightly. A minute or two later, Sam called for all the wolves to leave. Embry looked at me sadly and I nodded at him, thinking it would be better for him to go with the pack for now. He looked at me one last time before he ran off. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding all this time.

Bella was talking with Jasper now, and he was telling her about the time he was serving at the Confederate Army and then when he served Maria and her newborn army. I didn’t want these images in my head, so I decided to leave quickly. Getting in my car, I only stopped for a few minutes at the Cullens’ house to talk about their final plans before the battle.

----------------------------------------------------------

A day before the newborns arrived, the Cullens had planned to go hunting, to “power up for the battle”, while Bella and Edward would stay at their house. Alice and I - mostly Alice - convinced Charlie we would have a sleepover at their house with Bella, as he was preparing to leave Forks for the weekend to go on a fishing trip. Charlie was actually really warmed up and friendly with Alice, though it didn’t take long for me to become friendly with him, as well.

I told Charlie what I told any human who asked about me - I was Esme’s biological niece that was going to stay with them for a while. I was telling everyone that I finished school last year, and was taking online classes at the University of British Columbia, double majoring in Commerce and Environmental Engineering. He seemed to be thoroughly impressed, so he welcomed me at his home, telling me to “stop by whenever I wanted”.

While everyone was getting ready for the hunt, I dismissed their invitation, telling them I had other plans. They didn’t question me for now, so I ran back to my house to prepare mentally for what I was about to do. I wasn’t usually scared by anyone, but that was my mate. I was scared of scaring him away. I just hoped he would understand my point of view. I didn’t want to think about it too much - it was now or never. Without really thinking, I ran out of my house.

I reached the treaty line and waited for any wolf to show up. I tried to create an illusion to lure any of them in; to mimic the smell of vampires, in hopes that at least one of them would show up. A few minutes later, who I assumed were Jared and Paul showed up, growling slightly at me.

I did not flinch and I kept my voice as calm as possible. “Can you call Embry to come here? I need to talk to him.” The wolves hesitated at first, but then ran backward, towards the woods and I was left standing on the other side of the treaty line, waiting for Embry to show up.

A few minutes later, a sleek gray wolf appeared between the other two wolves. I looked directly at Embry. “Can you come over, please?” I turned to the two wolves beside me. “I won’t hurt him. I wouldn’t even think of it.”

The two wolves growled lowly, nodding slightly. Embry crossed the river to meet me on the other side. His eyes told me that he trusted me, but his packmates didn’t trust me enough to allow him to turn back to his human form.

“Can we talk? Somewhere else..?” He nodded, and I smiled at him, running away and him following me closely behind.

We ended up near Mountain Olympus’ foothills, at the Olympic National Park. Ironic - it certainly does not compare to the real thing. I got emotional all too sudden, and if I could cry, I would be balling my eyes out by now. Embry whimpered by my side, rubbing his snout on my left side.

“Just homesick. Don’t worry about it.” I paused a little bit before I continued. “The others went hunting, but I wanted to talk to you. I couldn’t do it at the party and I didn’t have enough time at the training. I just want you to fully understand what you’re in for, so you know what to expect.”

I looked at him, and he turned around, towards the woods. I heard bones crashing, and a minute later, Embry came out of the woods in his human form, wearing cut-off jeans I didn’t notice he carried on him before.

“I trust you won’t hurt me, as you trust me I won’t.”

He came and stood near me, and we both sat down on the grass. I was a bit hesitant to talk to him; I didn’t want to sugarcoat anything.

“First of all, I would like to let you know I’m a vampire.” I laughed and he joined me. “My full name is (Y/N) (Y/L/N), and I was born in Greece, in 1858, just a few decades after the Greek Revolution. Things were still really fluid then. Basically, we had a king, but he violated the Constitution at one point, and then he was gone. I grew up in a poor family, and I had six brothers. I was the only girl in the family. I don’t know what happened to them.” I paused and my eyes stang with venom. Embry carefully took my hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze.

That gave me enough courage to continue. “My brothers and I had to work by the time we were 5 years old. It was the only way to sustain the family. It was hard but we knew it had to be that way. We were working in the fields; we helped with chores; the elder siblings took care of the younger ones when our parents worked, you know.”

“One day - it was the summer before I turned 18, I was walking through the woods. We had been preparing for the winter, and I had to cut some wood for the fire, so we wouldn’t get cold during winter. I..I was walking through the woods when I saw him.”

Unconsciously, I started showing Embry my memories, as an illusion formed in front of us. I felt Embry wincing beside me. The young vampire in front of us was a ragamuffin, though beautiful, with long, curly, dark brown hair and bright red eyes. I only realized now that he spared me because he wasn’t hungry, he just wanted to bite me, to make me like him.

I saw my human self, terrified and frozen at the sight. I saw the vampire launching forward and attacking me, biting my wrist. I saw myself fall on the ground screaming. I saw the agony on my face, the tears. I remember how it felt like, the pain, the burning, then the agony and the pain in my throat 3 days later, when I woke up as a vampire, and the one who bit me was nowhere to be seen.

I forced the illusion to end. I didn’t know I was breathing heavily - I didn’t even need to breathe at all - until Embry grabbed both of my shoulders and held on to me tightly.

“Focus on me. Please. Take deep breaths.” I couldn’t focus on his eyes, my mind was running wild. He brought me closer to him and hugged me tightly. His warmth engulfed my whole body and I felt at ease. I smelled him deeply - he smelled of dirt and grass, but also pines, wood, and the ocean. I wondered how I smelled to him. Was it as bad as the wolves say we smell? Did Embry tolerate my smell for the sake of our mate bond?

“Thank you for being here,” was all I could tell him.

We stayed like that for what felt like hours, in each other’s arms. I felt comfortable enough with him, my undead heart melting and my cold, hard-like-porcelain skin shivering under his touch.

“Embry?” He puffed a little, questioning me. “Please, be careful tomorrow. I cannot lose you, not now that I finally found you.”

He laughed. “I should say the same for you.” Now, I laughed. “I cannot lose you, (Y/N), not now, not tomorrow, not ever.” His eyes were serious and loving at the same time.

I didn’t want to ruin the moment but I kind of had to. “Also..um, Embry, I..I have to go..hunting, if you don’t mind.”

He pulled away a little bit, studying my face. “Let’s go!” He smiled, standing up, running to the woods, and turning into a wolf, his jeans wrapped around his left leg. I followed after him, stunned at his actions.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Hi! What is your very specific Twilight AU?

okay, so. New Moon.

party disaster, dumping her and dipping, all happens normally.

but THEN. Bella finds out she’s pregnant.

(and I know you’re thinking- pre-marital sex?!?! Edward would NEVER! but listen. I am the author now. I’ve been around Christians my whole life. shut up!)

so anyway after a million pregnancy tests and a lot of googling about vampire baby legends, Bella’s like...well this is probably gonna be a situation,

Nessie doesn’t have an insane growth rate here because I hate that, so she has a normal amount of time to prepare, and she’s very...aware that the birth is gonna be Rough at best. So she goes to Jacob

who is NOT a wolf yet but Is aware of the pack and the treaty, and they are closer friends already, and she’s like ‘hey. paranormal emergency. you’re the only person in this town who enables me. help.’

 and Jacob’s like I’m Fucking Fifteen and goes and gets Leah, since she’s technically an adult and a girl

(ms. meyer How did you make one of leah’s only 3 character traits ‘upset she’s infertile’ and then not have her support bella’s choices in breaking dawn please make it make sense)

 so they start brainstorming solutions and the best they can work with is. Bella’s gotta ride out the pregnancy in hiding. they have no way of knowing whether she can survive the pregnancy and the only clue they have about whether the baby will be a monster or not is from google searches, but they also can’t exactly take her to an obgyn when her uterus feels like it’s calcified and her ribs are getting broken and she seems to be craving blood

So, Leah’s got her own little place. Bella moves in there, telling Charlie she wants to move back in with Renee (she knows her parents would never willingly call each other so as long as she keeps up communicating with both of them they should be none the wiser of her growing a little dracula in Leah Clearwater’s basement).

Leah has already defected from the wolf pack at this point (because...the Cullen’s left and she didn’t really like any of the guys anyway lmao) so they don’t run the risk of them hearing her thoughts while she’s in wolf form. She goes out and hunts animals, brings them back and her and Jake drain the blood from them so Bella can drink it. All three of them find this extremely disgusting obviously but Jake’s loyal and a little bit lovestruck, Leah’s a supportive friend and queen, and Bella’s just trying to keep her and her baby alive, and none of them feel like trying to rob a blood bank

Bella is 100% certain the baby will just be a baby who happens to like blood, like she was in bd, but the tentative plan is that if a crazy soulless monster comes out of her Leah will...handle that...

Which neither are thrilled about, so Bella’s just trying to focus on staying positive. And between that, trying to survive and stay hidden, Bella doesn’t really have time to...Check Out the way she did in new moon. Like, she’s absolutely still depressed, and she’s still getting an occasional Edward hallucination because carrying a vampire baby counts as reckless in many books, but she’s just more...resigned and pissed than anything. She’ll have days like the ‘possibilities’ scene, but more often than not she’s just telling the Edward hallucination to go fuck himself when he’s begging her to find the real him so they can have Carlisle deal with the pregnancy 

at some point, Seth gets roped into the whole mess (he’s prone to just breaking into his sister’s house) but since he’s like, 13 and The Best Baby Boy he’s immediately supportive. He didn’t even fucking know about the wolves and the vampires until he walked in on a six months pregnant Bella drinking blood while his sister and Jacob are hacking away at a dead deer, but he’s like...you know when you were 13 and sneaking around about Anything made you feel like the coolest person alive? point is he’s helpful

AND he can get away with spending a lot of time at Leah’s house without anyone finding it weird, unlike Jacob, so he starts spending most of his free time there keeping Bella company and brightening her day up

HE is the one who enables her when she comes up with the name Renesmee lmao

(just because she hates Edward doesn’t mean Esme ever did anything wrong!)

“bella I’ll throw you out of this house if you don’t come up with a real name” “leah she’s white you can’t just disrespect her culture like this omg”

anyway these four become the DORKIEST and WEIRDEST little family it’s cute

so then. labor.

it’s less...graphic than in bd because Bella hasn’t been actively dying the whole pregnancy and she doesn’t snap her spine in half, but it’s still. bad.

she essentially delivers a rock that Nessie then begins chewing her way out of. she’s actively bleeding out. Jacob’s having a panic attack. Leah made Seth watch so he would never have unprotected sex and the scare tactic is working. Leah’s covered in Bella’s blood which is not great considering she’s Holding A Rock That A Vampire Is Emerging From

Leah’s been taking classes and researching deliveries so she needs to stitch Bella up and see what else is wrong but Seth is rocking back and forth on the floor crying and Jacob’s screaming and pacing too fast to grab so she’s like. Bella babe I know you’re dying but you need to hold this thing for me ksjdfllksf

so while she’s handling That, Bella’s got this weird little rock in her arms and is watching the baby slowly fight it’s way out like this is a very fucked up egg or something and she’s just. overwhelmed. maybe it’s the blood loss but she’s looking at the messy, scrunchy little face and she’s already in love and envisioning their lives together.

and then, you know, the baby bites her,

she has just enough time to think ‘how did we not think to prepare for that’ before she can feel the venom coursing through her. it’s just as bad as she remembers from James’ bite but somehow...easier to tolerate. she blacks out pretty quickly

the other 3 notice and are like : 👁👄👁

Jacob...literally explodes into a wolf On Spot

Seth darts out the fucking door he’s seen enough for one day

Leah, sole holder of the braincell, realizes Nessie just bit and isn’t drinking from Bella, and deduces this is like...a survival instinct or something. the baby instinctively changes it’s mother first thing. weirdly...touching? 

So she gets the baby and checks that everything is physically okay with Bella (apart from you know. changing species) and is like...guess this is an issue for 3 days from now Leah

more immediate pressing issues: screaming new born baby and oh, yeah, the giant red wolf in the basement,

“Jacob I know this is disorienting but if you break anything in my house I’ll fucking kill you”

she really just leaves the poor boy to go get the baby cleaned up and warm up some of the frozen blood they’ve got in her fridge (RUINING HER TUPPERWARE, BELLA)

she’s not worried about the wolf pack mind meld yet because she knows Sam took the guys on a mission way farther up the coast for a few days and they’ll be too far away to hear Jake. hopefully, by the time they get back, Bella will be awake and they’ll have made an escape plan by then

and as she’s bottle feeding blood to the baby she’s thrilled that it seems to be like...relatively normal and not s horrific monster or anything. mission: unwillingly murder my best friend’s baby has been successfully canceled 

“Oh Goddamn it....Renesmee DOES fit you...”

Seth, from where he’s cowering behind the couch: “told you”

so, Jake eventually calms down, they spend the next few days cooing over Nessie and brainstorming how to handle Bella when she wakes up a vampire, and also nicknaming Nessie ‘Nessie’ because they know Bella will find that intolerable and they feel she deserves karmic punishment for stressing them out so much lmao

so, three days are up. Seth’s upstairs putting on a way-too-elaborate puppet show for the baby with not a care in the world. Leah and Jake are in the basement because they know Bella probably won’t want their wolf blood and their ready to phase in case she gets a little aggressive

but she just wakes up and is like. hey! how’s it going? where’s my baby?

sjdhfksdj they were expecting feral but Bella still has her super self-control. she didn’t even realize she’d changed into a vampire until they told her lmao

Bella’s a little too freaked out to try hunting yet so they give her some of the stored blood they’ve been feeding Ness and she’s like. good to go. Leah’s about to scream like have the elders been exaggerating this whole time or is Bella truly a freak??? lol

So, they spend a couple days just...relaxing, Bella and Renesmee bonding, they’re trying to come up with fun places Bella can move to with the baby so no one she knows finds out, and every now and then Leah and Jake go out and she tries to help him get the wolf thing under control

and then,,,,the pack get back from their mission early

and immediately are able to read Jacob’s mind

so they head over to Start Shit because there’s two bloodsuckers on their land but,

the pack not attacking because Jake imprinted on Renesmee? tired. the pack not attacking because Jake’s Alpha Genes have taken over and declared Nessie and Bella as part of his Pack and attacking would literally start a war? inspired

so they hash the whole thing out....ultimately Sam decides Bella is more of a victim than a threat, and since neither her or Nessie seem to be going on a bloodlust rampage any time soon...he decides to grant them immunity from the whole ‘kill the vampires’ rule. He’ll let her and her daughter stay in La Push as long as they agree to stick to animals and only hunt out of town. PLUS from what little Bella knows about the Volturi, she’s worried about them finding out about Nessie, so they’ll offer protection if that does happen, in exchange for her being able to help them with intel on any other vampire threats in the area (you know like. if a nomad is fucking stuff up in a nearby city, they’ll send her to talk to them first before deciding if they need to intervene. Sam has become acutely aware he has a lot of teens and kids in his pack, so he’s trying to keep them out of fights as much as possible)  

anyway that’s the story of Nessie gaining like 17 chaotic as hell ride or die uncles,

let’s fast forward a bit

it’s like 15 years later. Bella’s not living with Leah anymore, but she’s got a cute apartment in a nearby town, and owns and runs a bookstore on the first floor of it. she got her ged and did college online and teaches night classes at a community college. She’s still in contact with her parents, who Adore the life out of Nessie. She still helps the pack out and they’re all close. Nessie is a handful but in a fun and lovable way. They go on little weekend trips whenever they have time. Bella’s happy.

but then a. Situation. arises.

basically, the Volturi have been made aware of some unknown vampire chasing others out of the pacific northwest and conspiring with shapeshifters. and you know when Aro gets curious he tends to spin things dramatically. who’s to say this vampire isn’t conspiring against all vampires? against them? why has no one’s special talents worked on her? he simply must find out.

Bella and the Pack get word and decide their best course of action for now is to go on the run. they’re not gonna be able to take on a whole army but if they can bide some time and lay low they might be able to figure something out

except Bella is like....I have a teenage hybrid that the Volturi don’t know about yet...it would be EXTREMELY irresponsible to take her with me

but she can’t send Nessie to Charlie or Renee because they don’t know about her...dietary restrictions. She can’t stay with Billy or anyone else in La Push because the Volturi might trace the pack’s scent there and discover her. She’s panicking, they have to leave in a few days max and she can’t find a safe place for her daughter

and then she’s like.....fuck.

she had run into Jasper a couple of years ago- they have the same forgery guy and were heading to his building around the same time as a coincidence. She promised to forgive him for the party incident if he promised not to tell Edward he saw her and that she’s a vampire now. He agreed, but then told her Edward’s been living on his own for a while now and insisted on giving her his number...she never could bring herself to call it or delete it...but now...if she wants to be 100% Nessie is safe and protected...

fuck

So, the past 15 years have been fairly rough for Edward

he’s still convinced leaving in order to save Bella was the best course of action, but like...the vampires canonically mate for life. that’s his soulmate. he’s absolutely miserable without her. he’s thought about cracking and going to find her again but he always talks himself out of it, convinced she’d just tell him she hates him or something

so as stated in his patented Edward Cullen Self Loathing Guide, first thing to do is isolate yourself from all the lovebirds you usually live with. Sure, he keeps in contact, but...not well. he’s currently living alone and posing as a university student. He’s not even really sure what he’s supposed to be majoring in. He’s mostly been in a haze since he left Forks.

and one day....he gets a call from an unknown number. he ignores it, thinking it’s a spam call. but then it calls like 8 more times in a row and he figures answering might be a bit smarter than simply throwing it at the wall

And Edward...swears he came back to life and immediately had a heart attack the second he hears Bella’s voice

He feels breathless and disoriented the whole conversation, trying to figure out if his memory did her voice any justice, trying to rush out 15 years worth of apologies, trying to comprehend she’s actually speaking to him.

But Bella’s very blunt on the phone. She doesn’t want to let herself get emotional. She’s on a time limit, and she has to focus on getting her daughter to safety

And Edward swears he somehow misheard her the first ten or so times she told him. He had a daughter? that wasn’t possible

“she has the audacity to be your Evil Twin so I’m pretty sure it’s possible”

so she gives him a rundown. she needs to go into hiding, no I don’t need your help with that, gives him details about Nessie, what she’s like, what she likes to do, her diet, her favorite color, how annoyed she is by this whole situation, “Edward I know you don’t love me anymore, but I remember how protective you were, and that’s what I need Nessie to have right now. She needs you right now” and Edward wants so badly to refute Bella’s claim of lost love, to tell her he has absolutely no idea how to be a parent, but...her tone is aching so much he can barely speak. He can’t let Bella down again, and he can’t let this little girl he foolishly created and left down anymore than he already has, either.

So he agrees, she tells him to be at the airport in a few days, and hangs up. 

Edward loses about half a day staring at a wall in shock, before he jumps into preparations.

Bella told him while their daughter possessed some speed and strength, hunting was fairly dangerous for her. She was more delicate than his kind, and had a heartbeat. Reheated blood bags had been their best option, and she also needed human food as well. He also had to get a room ready for her- he wandered around stores for hours, reading young girls minds to see if there was any furniture or decorations that were universally liked- which was of course, fruitless, but he did manage to find a handful of things he was sure Bella would have liked at that age, and prayed for the best. He somehow got himself covered in purple paint that was a nightmare to get off. Bella had sent him some forged documents claiming Nessie was his younger sister he’d won custody of, and he got her enrolled in a nearby school. He lived every day leading up to her arrival staving off a panic attack.

it wasn’t until he was on the way to the airport that he realized he forgot to inform his family about this life update. they must’ve been on a hunting trip, because he got nothing but voicemails 

imagine being Carlisle and you come home to a voicemail from your son who’s banished himself from the family that’s just like ‘hi. you’re a grandfather now. I’m having a nervous breakdown and might crash my car. call me back at your earliest convenience I suppose” like what would you DO

 after he gets to the airport he starts panicking again, realizing Bella had never actually sent him a picture, worrying about how he’d find her, but then- he sees a tiny girl with untamed, dark red curls, features strikingly similar to his own that are pulled into the expression Bella always made when she was reading, absently chewing on her lip, and before she looks at him with her mother’s big brown eyes, he already knows who he’s looking at, and he’s certain if he was human his tear ducts would be having a fit right now

Renesmee, however, seems less willing to have an emotional meeting. She mumbles out a simple greeting before gathering up her bags and heading for the door, Edward rushing behind her to try and help

listen. the awkwardness of Charlie trying to connect with Bella. but 10000x worse because of Edward’s overthinking, self-deprecating ass and Nessie being like ‘ah yes the guy who broke my pregnant teenage mothers heart, fantastic’ lmao

the car ride is p a i n f u l. Edward’s trying so hard for light conversation and Nessie’s barely giving one word answers. Bella had warned her about the mind reading so she was carefully keeping her mind blocked, which Edward is trying very hard to be understanding about instead of annoyed, but By God does he want to know everything about her

when they get back to his place, she quietly thanks him for the room and then promptly locks him out of it lol. He spends the rest of the day just pacing back and forth until he realizes he should eventually feed her lmao

and that’s...kinda how the first couple weeks go. she only emerges from her room if he bribes her with food, she awkwardly tries to dodge his questions, he drives her to school and then begs her to tell him how it went when he picks her up, he spends his college classes distracted because he’s freaking out constantly about how to successfully bond with her. His favorite time of day now is night, because she can’t block her mind while she’s asleep, and even if her dreams are all nonsense they’re still...part of her that he gets to know.

His family keeps begging him to let them meet her, but he’s pushing back because if she’s this bad at adjusting to one new family member, how is she going to handle six more?

(meanwhile Alice and Rose started a group chat with her and are having a ball clowning Edward lmao)

wait ksjflksd I think this vine perfectly sums up the dynamic im envisioning  https://youtu.be/wQZIUHNORHg

anyway they....very slowly make some progress. much too slowly for Edward’s taste, but hey.

Like he finds out snacks she likes. or jewelry she likes. stuff like that and just...wordlessly leaves it around for her lmao. he thinks it’s like trying not to startle a deer, Nessie thinks it’s more like a cat trying to gift you a dead mouse, but either way it’s weirdly endearing.

He notices she always has a huffy little frown when he picks her up on Wednesdays. So instead of begging her for an ounce of information of her school life, he asks her one Wednesday morning if she’s excited for the day and she admits she has an elective class every Wednesday with a girl she doesn’t get along with.

He gets her school photos (and Weeps) and realizes apart from her room the home is fairly barren of decorations, so he buys a bunch of picture frames and hangs up the school shots, and some pictures of the Cullen’s over the years, and the few he has of Bella that he could never bear to part with. Other than catching her smiling at the prom picture of her parents, Nessie doesn’t say anything- but the next time he comes home from hunting, there’s a pile of pictures of her growing up on the table, and he starts weeping all over again as he hangs them up

(there’s one of her and Bella hugging and looking at the camera with identical grins and joy in their eyes, he can’t help but put that in his room. He hopes one day he’ll get to see a scene like that in person)

He starts trying to get her out of her room a little more- he still hasn’t managed to a get a ‘favorites’ list out of her, so he starts playing movies Bella loved, to see if any of them lure her out. some do, some don’t- he got halfway through a Lord of the Rings marathon, which was Torture in his opinion, but then Ness came out and quietly asked if he could restart it and suddenly they became his favorite movies ever.

Bella’s not able to contact her on a set schedule or anything because of her situation (and you can bet your ass Edward’s contacted every vampire he knows and ordered them to help her out if they come across her or the Volturi), and Edward realizes that’s probably taking a toll on the girl, so he starts telling her stories of her mother when he knew her in Forks. She’s particularly amused by the blood typing incident- the first time Edward hears Nessie properly laugh, he literally starts crying on the spot

could you imagine the sheer panic if she ever gets so much as a cold

And yes, she’s still pissed on Bella’s behalf, and yes, she specifically blasts 70s music because Bella told her he hates it one time, and yes, if he looks at her like he’s a kicked puppy one more time she might claw his eyes out, and yes, she refuses to introduce him to her friends from school because she Knows everyone will then start asking her about her ‘hot brother’ and she can’t live with that and also can’t live with him knowing that so she told him if he ever introduces himself to any of her friends she’ll set him on fire, and yes, she’s homesick 95% of the time but...he’s growing on her. like a mold, or something.

(okay, maybe when Seth tried to analyze why Mamma Mia is her favorite musical, he might have had a point. half a point. quarter of a point. shut up.)

And Edward’s still trying to not have a panic attack every time she’s out of his sight- he’s got Carlisle keeping tabs on the Volturi for him, and it’s not exactly hard for him to keep track of her through other people’s minds- but she’s so tiny and her heartbeat is Too Fast and what if she inherited her mother’s unlucky streak??

but they’re toeing the line of co-existing peacefully and Edward’s scared to push it past that

then he has to, because it turns out he sent her to one of Those Schools where the parents have to be involved in the school in some way or another and Nessie’s Annoyed

sdkjfsdkjf she keeps trying to get him to just sign up for like pta meetings or something and he’s like ‘I need you to understand you are the only person in this town I actually know or like I Cannot survive around fundraiser moms I can’t’ 

so she’s like ugh fine I’m in the drama club

listen.....Stage Parent Edward Cullen.......the power this holds...

that’s right this whole post was an elaborate ruse for me to make a musical theater headcanon again lmao

no okay but seriously he starts off just helping build sets and stuff like that but then midway through the year their music teacher gets fired and the schools like begging him to take over because they can’t find someone in enough time that’ll know the music for the show they’re doing and he’s like “I need you to understand Nessie will never talk to me again if I start actually working at her school” and they’re like “She also will never talk to you again if we have to cancel the big musical, though” and he’s like. fuck.

silent treatment for a week and a half

lmao so now he’s trying to juggle being an overly-enthusiastic stage parent who’s making costumes and sets and kinda crying backstage when he sees his daughter in her costume with also being the music director for the damn show and trying to teach a bunch of kids how to read sheet music 

one day he ended up in a coffee shop with the hair and makeup moms, gossiping about the cast’s love lives, and he literally doesn’t know how he got there

is it wrong to pass Nessie in class even though she’s putting all the wrong answers on the test but he Knows she knows the right answers and is only answering wrong to try and get a rise out of him

Bella sneaks into town to see the show- they thought it would push their luck if the pack came, but they sent an ungodly amount of flowers and candy. When she snuck into the house while Ness was sleeping she Was Not expecting to find Edward up to his elbows in sequins, trying to fix a bedazzler he accidentally broke in frustration, muttering under his breath about how if Nessie’s romantic opposite in the show doesn’t keep his thoughts clean he’s gonna kill him- and it just cracks her up. She WAS nervous about seeing Edward again but now she’s assured he’s still a dork lol

So Edward freaks when he sees her but they don’t wanna wake Ness up so they’re trying to be quiet but like. they’re going through it 

Like Bella Wants to be pissed at him but she can’t, she still loves him- and while she can’t just get over what he did to her, it’s also not lost on her that ‘leaving to protect someone I love’ is literally what she had to do to her daughter

And Edward....Edward, who only left to give Bella a chance at a safe, human life, seeing Bella in front of him as a vampire, knowing it’s his fault she ended up that way and she had to go through it alone, had to raise a baby herself because he’d made it so hard to find him...knowing if he’d just pulled his head out of his ass he would have been able to be there for her...would be able to form a coherent sentence around his love right now, would have long and fond memories of Nessie’s childhood, likely wouldn’t have to watch Bella hide from the Volturi...he’s back in a self-loathing spiral already

But they haven’t seen each other in so long and they just don’t want to...deal with the unpleasantness right now, so they just push it aside. Bella helps Edward with the costumes. Edward fills her in on what she’s been missing with Nessie. Bella tells him some stuff about when Ness was younger. They just spend the night talking, and it feels like no time has past between them at all- which just makes the heartaches a little stronger

When Nessie wakes up to her mother there she’s ecstatic- bubbly and loud and glued to Bella’s hip all day, giving her in depth play-by-plays of her school and rehearsals and friends she’s made, bouncing on her toes all morning, hyper, giggly, and- it kind of breaks Edward’s heart a little, even though he knows he hasn’t really...earned this side of his daughter, yet. 

(at least he got his wish of seeing their twin smiles in person)

(he wishes he could see them every second of every day)

so the girls spend the day catching up while Edward mostly feels like a thirdwheel, and then they have to get Ness over to the school so she can get ready

Bella decides to hang out around the school theater before the show actually starts- she leans against the wall next to the piano, the two talking in hushed tones while Edward runs through songs. Bella really missed watching him play- the only thing that managed to drag her away from it was when Nessie called her to the dressing room to help with a hair emergency 

she didn’t talk to him much at intermission, her attention being stolen by the rest of the Cullen family (who had been Very Loudly supporting the show so far, she knew Ness was probably dying of embarrassment backstage)

after the show, the three went back to Edward’s and just...talked. Nessie was gushing about the show and eating while her parents assured her she was the greatest actress ever born, simple stuff like that. she fell asleep sandwiched in between them on the couch 

Bella realizes she’s never going to be able to bring herself to leave again if Nessie wakes up, and tells Edward as much. He clearly doesn’t want her to go just yet either, but...she’s on the run, it’s not like she has much choice 

He has so much he wants to say to her but he just- can’t. it’s not the right time. but he’s hoping she can see that in his eyes

Bella shifts Nessie off her shoulder so Edward can hold her, and she gives him a light kiss and says ‘thank you, Edward’ before disappearing in a flash. she needed to go before she lost her nerve.

Edward can’t bring himself to let Nessie out of his arms, so instead of carrying her to bed he just stays there, holding her, trying his best not to think that that could be the last time for a long time he’d ever see his Bella again, trying not to let thoughts of a life he gave up unwittingly consume him

okay I didn’t mean for this to be So Long so I’m cutting it here uhh...let me know if anyone wants a part 2? sorry lmao

[panlight]

Let's say that sparkling is directly tied to how much a vampire kills and/or acts on their vampire instincts. So Carlisle looks pretty much human all of the time while Jasper is blinding in even clouded sunlight. How would that change the dynamic of the Cullens? How would Edward, who would probably still glitter or glow most of the time, manage? What about Rosalie--would vampirism consider killing her own killers "monstrous" enough to make her sparkle? Let's make sparkling scary!

I think half the problem is the word "sparkling." It just doesn't inspire fear. Didn't help when Bree Tanner was talking about disco balls, either.

And then we have Edward being all emo and angsty about how monstrous it makes him and it's like idk dude in terms of monstrosity, sparkling in the sun is pretty low on the list of physical horrors. I think in Midnight Sun he describes it more as looking like he's on fire, which works better on so many levels. So in part it might just be SM-via-Bella describing this in the most beautiful, flattering light and reality is different.

On the other hand, it could just be Edward being Edward and it's actually as benign as "sparkling" and "prism" and "disco ball" imply.

Carlisle wouldn't have to miss work on sunny days (which I don't think he does anyway . . . he must have a systems in place to get to work unnoticed on sunny days) and his life as a vampire blending in with humans would be so much easier . . . except dealing with Edward, whose angst over his murder gap years would be even worse because not only did he have blood on his hands but he had, through his own hubris, condemned himself to being forced to stay out of the sun, oh woe, what a monster am I!

Jasper just like, does not go out during daylight at all and probably isn't all that bothered by it like. "Oh, no, I can't go to high school? How tragic. Have fun, guys!" and sits at home doing whatever it is he does to pass the time.

With Rosalie's it's hard to say how vampirism/the universe/whatever would weigh her kills. If it's just "killing humans, full stop" then I don't think it cares what her motives or reasons were. But if there's some nuance involved, she might only be docked for the two possibly innocent guards she killed, and everyone is just in awe of her 'glowing' complexion, like a soft glow lighting effect. She might be in a SLIGHTLY better place because she would be less barred from participating in society, but it doesn't address her frustrated longings for motherhood or feeling frozen.

Esme is probably a bit more shiny than Rosalie, followed by Alice, and then Emmett. But even Emmett has more freedom than Edward and certainly more than Jasper. Who, again, I don't think would care all that much. He's doing this human family thing a) for Alice and b) to not feel the emotions of people he kills. He does not care if he can't go to high school or do the pretend grocery shopping.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if Edward is showing off the painting of Carlisle and the Volturi and then Bella is like "Oh hey, I know those guys! The nice one said they'd come back later..."?

Caveat

This wouldn't happen.

Bella's old enough (and having learned from the Alec and Jane debacle) that had he met her in Phoenix or the airport she's taking a trip to Volterra where she's turned into a crystal cannibal person. (Bella would take this shockingly well as she's now very hot and cool).

Aro would not meet up with her, say "hey", and then come back for her later when anything in the world could happen to her (and would as she'd end up in Forks and nearly killed 12 billion times).

But Alright, It Happens

Well, this would have likely changed canon. Bella now has met people who look like the Cullens prior to the Cullens. She's probably going to bring that up earlier and have all sorts of theories about who these crystal alien people actually are. She might even theorize they're here for her given her recent run-in (with someone who said they'd be back) and that they're here, in all places, her home town.

Bella's conversations with Edward turn into baffling, "I'm onto you, sonny," things that Edward has no idea what she's talking about.

BUT IT HAPPENS

Honestly?

Edward stares at her dumbly for a moment and tells Bella that no, she didn't. If she had, after all, she would have been dead as these vampires eat people. Likely, Bella's just confusing them with someone else/some other piece of famous art.

Bella protests that she totally did.

Edward still doesn't believe her and Bella eventually has to pout and let him move on. Except, like Edward, Bella's innately stubborn and can't give up.

While Bella has no contact information, Edward dropped a terrible terrible hint "Volterra". Bella now knows which phone numbers to look up.

Bella doesn't realize how very stupid this is.

Bella calls the Volturi so that they can confirm to her vampire boyfriend that she totally met them. She has a fight to win, you see.

"Your what now?" Aro asks, and Bella gushes all the details of how she's dating this new vampire named Edward Cullen (and he's keeping her human) and he lives on animals and he's wonderful and attractive and wonderful...

"Well, my dear, you can't date him while human," Aro points out.

Bella awkwardly notes they haven't been dating long and um Edward um doesn't um seem to want to... turn... her...

"Nonsense," Aro protests, "He likely doesn't have the experience."

Then, out of the goodness of his heart, Aro offers to turn Bella. He'll fly into Seattle personally and they can get this done in three days. Of course, she'll have to come back to live in Italy for a while to prevent her eating people but Edward can come and visit.

Bella, overjoyed at the thought of being able to be with Edward forever (in Tuscany!) agrees. She does not tell Edward wanting it to be a surprise.

Edward is in an absolute panic when Bella then disappears the next morning and, only three days later, does he get a call from an international number from what is clearly a vampire woman claiming she's Bella and has been turned.

"FILTHY LIES!" Edward claims, believing that this female vampire murdered Bella, and somehow knew to call Edward (Bella doesn't have a cellphone so no contact lists so... Edward... yeah...)

Bella in Volterra is devestated and desperately asks how she can fix this situation.

Aro wheedles out of dragging Edward kicking and screaming to Volterra and notes Bella won't be able to meet with Edward for several years until she's fully under control.

"But you said his father's name was Carlisle?" Aro questions (because he's been really interested in this part).

[therealvinelle]

What do you think the Cullens would do if some person they were talking to, out of nowhere just quite literally exploded in front of, and on them? Kinda like in that movie Spontaneous. Would they lose control and slurp up the mess on the ground, (and themselves) or would their bloodlust be curtailed by shock of wtf just happened?

I'd say something witty about how this is a strange anon to receive, but holy jesus you've sent me down a rabbithole.

Here's a trailer to the movie Spontaneous. It looks amazing. Kevin Feige wishes this had been his plot for Infinity War.

Here's a trailer for the movie Spontaneous Combustion, which I found by accident while searching for your fic. This looks amazing too. Can't believe Marvel didn't buy the rights to this guy.

I'm serious, people, you definitely want to watch these trailers. I just about died laughing.

So, on to your ask.

In the spirit of your ask, which implies a level of randomness, I thought the people blowing up should be random too. So, being in the mood to procrastinate through spending way too much time on tumblr things, I wrote a program that'll generate for me random Twilight characters.

Unsure whether the explosion should kill vampires or not, I generated an answer. The answer is yes, any generated vampire dies.

Without further ado:

Alice watches Vladimir blow up.

Alright, alright.

The first question to be answered here is why Alice is in Vladimir's presence in the first time. In canon they only meet once, at the end of Breaking Dawn.

For the sake of simplicity, we'll have Vladimir blow up then.

The Cullens and the witnesses are all celebrating being alive, when Vladimir suddenly explodes.

For the sake of the ask, Alice is sitting closest to him when this happens and making conversation.

Her first thought is utter shock. Not just that he blew up, but that she didn't see it coming (she wouldn't, because I randomly generated him. No decision was made). Her second thought is horror.

The Cullens just confronted the Volturi, now mere hours afterwards their allies are blowing up.

Holy fuck, Aro has a gifted ace up his sleeve, and he's using it to kill them remotely.

Panic ensues, not just for Alice, but among all the witnesses. Some of them refuse to leave, Bella has to shield those 24/7, though given the belief that her gift is psychic that doesn't make them feel very safe.

The others decide to go after the Volturi and beg for mercy, assuring them they never meant to challenge them.

Aro, of course, is very confused, but agrees. Why, yes, he does have a vampire who blows people up. Yes, yes he does.

Bella watches Aro blow up.

Oh I'm dying laughing at this one. And wishing I'd put this down for Carlisle, that would be even funnier, but alright.

Bella is walking about post-Breaking Dawn, minding her own business, when suddenly Aro appears in front of her. He looks around himself, utterly surprised by his sudden deplacement, and then blows up.

Bella has been living in terror of this man for years.

In Volterra he had his servant torture her and Edward and then made ominious threats, then a few months later the Eclipse disaster unfolded, finally we have Breaking Dawn where he showed up to murder her and everyone she loved.

Her shield may be powerful, but for as long as Aro was alive her family was never truly safe.

His untimely implosion changes all of that.

I imagine after a long moment of incredulity, Bella burns the rubble, just to be sure, then tells her family the joyous news.

Carlisle gives the guy a funeral. It's weird.

Carlisle watches Vassilii blow up.

Close call, due to my not switching out the names we almost had Angela. In which case Carlisle have stood there, covered in blood and in shock for several long seconds, before bringing out the bleach and gasoline for a crime scene clean.

As it is, Carlisle is minding his own business when suddenly an immortal child dressed like a medieval Eastern European appears before him. It says something in a foreign language that might mean "hi", he doesn't know but he says "hi" to it back, then the child blows up.

Carlisle stares at the rubble for a very long time, wondering if he is perhaps losing his mind. If, perhaps, Aro was right about animal blood being a slow suicide, and Carlisle has finally hit the limit for how long a vampire can go on without human blood.

He burns the rubble and prays for the child's soul, as an immortal child is doomed anyway, and keeps his silence about what happened. In part because there's a solid chance this was all in his imagination.

If Aro ever touches his hand again, and sees the immortal child that he burned a thousand years earlier resurrect, travel through time, all in order to blow up in front of Carlisle, he... well there comes a point where you say "nothing to see here" and refuse eye contact with the universe glitching.

Edward watches Randall blow up.

Randall, for the ignorants, is one of Carlisle's friends that came to witness for the Cullens in Breaking Dawn.

Suddenly he appears in front of Edward, says hi and how do you do, and then he blows up.

Edward tells Carlisle, who is saddened by this, and they try to piece the guy together. They fail.

Edward sends a somber thought to this noble man who agreed with Edward that the Cullens are awesome enough to be worth dying for.

Emmett watches Mary blow up.

Emmett will never admit it, but it's the coolest, raddest thing he's ever seen.

Esme watches Eleazar blow up.

Oh boy.

The Cullens are visiting the Denali. Irina has not been dead for long, but given the crystal clear memory of vampires, and the loss they already suffered (Sasha's death traumatized them) it doesn't really matter how long it's been, the Denali are devastated anyway.

The whole coven is as fragile as it can possibly get.

Then, Eleazar goes to join Esme in the kitchen, and explodes all over her and the kitchen.

The remaining Denali and the Cullens are called to the kitchen by the sound of Esme's screaming, and find her in hysterics, surrounded by gray rubble.

The Denali are near catatonic with grief at this point, while cooking has been ruined for Esme. One moment you're making food, the next people are exploding all over your kitchen.

Yeah.

Esme is not okay.

Jasper watches Nahuel blow up.

It's a shameful moment in his life.

But, hybrids are edible.

And that blood was splattered all over him.

Jasper has the worst control fail of his life, worse even than when he failed with Bella because this fail means he can't be around Renesmée anymore.

It's miserable all around.

The one highlight here is that it didn't happen when they were headed to the Volturi trial together.

Rosalie watches Emmett blow up.

Jesus christ, random Twilight character generator, just when I thought you were just going to give me boring results.

Not only does Rosalie lose the love of her life, the guy who kept her together, the one good thing she had going for her who made her life worth living, but he did so right in front of her, blowing up out of nowhere.

There's no explanation to be had, no culprit to be found, no reason for it. She had no goodbye, just as she can have no revenge.

She will never have closure.

Renesmée watches Renée blow up.

We go out on a high note, my god. Well done, generator, I'm laughing.

Renesmée is curious enough about her grandmother to go to Florida. She was going to watch from afar, but finds herself talking to the woman who raised her mother.

It's all going well until Renée suddenly explodes all over Renesmée.

Renesmée's first thought is nothing, she's in shock.

Then...

Well, she was controlled as an infant, so I don't think an adult Renesmée would lose it unless under extreme circumstances, like if she encountered a singer.

More, though, Renesmée might have any reasons of her own not to drink human blood, but she has been raised with this being a big no-no.

So she shouldn't.

However...

Is she ever going to get a better chance?

Ethically, she could easily argue this is the right choice. No one will be negatively affected by this, at least not directly.

The human is right there, already dead, and there's no body so while Renesmée does have to clean up the gore. Hell, if she laps up the blood on her clothes and the ground she will be cleaning up. Why waste perfectly good blood?

If Renesmée Cullen is ever going to have human blood, this is it.

It will come down to how much she respects her grandfather, and how important she believes Renée was to Bella.

-

Bonus, because I'm having way too much fun with this:

Bree watches Atheonodora blow up.

Bree is minding her own business when suddenly a vampire unlike any she has ever seen before, one with hazy eyes and odd skin, appears before her. They stare at each other. Then the woman blows up.

Bree takes this to mean that exploding is apparently something vampires just do sometimes, runs off in a panic and, sobbing, tells Riley.

Riley, having no idea what to make of any of this, tells her it was those evil yellow-eyes with their witchcraft and sorcery.