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devieuls · 20 days

Text

ˋ Haunted .✵

Qimir x Ex Jedi Fem Reader < SERIES >

Warning of the Serie: MDNI. Sith Lord Qimir x Fem ex Jedi Reader.

(during the series)

SMUT: Dirty Talk; Fangs; Bites; fingering; Blood; Spit; Jealousy and Possessiveness; Foreplay; violence; Swearing; Teasing; Unprotected Sex; betrayal; slut shaming; oral sex; dacryphilia; outdoorsex; jealousy BDSM. Dom Qimir ANGST: toxic relationship, self-harm, derealization, suffering, Requited / Unrequited love, prejudices, bullying and insults. There will be flashbacks in this series

Aged characters: Qimir 35 y.o / You 22 y.o.

Synopsis: In a twisted web of light and darkness, two opposites are facing each other, dancing on a thin thread called fate. What happens when light and darkness dance on a wire called destiny, two eternal opposites that inevitably attract each other and create something perfectly powerful and chaotic to unite the power of two in one? The answer emerges in a journey of tension and attraction, where yin and yang discover that their opposition is nothing but a reflection of a deep and unexpected connection. This is the story of how destruction is akin to peace, how the moon one day decided to save the sun, how darkness is not so dark and evil so bad. A journey towards change and desire, where opposing forces merge into a future that no one could have predicted.

(Following some events of the series)

Lenght: 4.9k

TW: THE SERIES WILL BE FULL OF DELICATE TOPICS!

⇠ Previous chapter ✵ Next Chapter ⇢

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Chapter I: The Abyss of Temptation

(The shuttle landed silently on the verdant surface of the planet Khofar, a wild jewel among the worlds of the Outer Rim Territories. As the hatch opened, a wave of humidity enveloped the Jedi, carrying with it the intense scent of damp earth and the exotic fragrance of the lush vegetation. The forest stretched out before them like an endless sea of green, where the trees rose like ancient towers, their massive trunks covered in layers of gleaming moss. The thick, intertwined canopies above them created a natural roof, allowing only faint rays of light to filter through, speckling the ground with golden patches. Khofar was a living, wild planet, and they were only temporary visitors, intruders in an ancient and balanced ecosystem. Every rustle among the leaves, every distant call, was a warning. A premonition or prelude to what the day would bring.)

If only you had known in advance that your teammates would die one by one before your eyes as you returned from the hut where Jedi Master Kelnacca lived, you would have thought twice before agreeing to the mission. You had fought against the Sith who killed your friends, battling with anger and bitterness, in a grief too fresh to fully comprehend. In the end, the pain of your body hitting the hard ground was nothing compared to the searing agony in your side from a nearly fatal wound. Your vision began to blur, and you could only see footsteps approaching before everything faded to black.

You awoke slowly, as if emerging from a hibernation that had lasted for years. Your eyes opened with difficulty, greeted by a nearly suffocating gloom. The dim light of a few torches was the only source of illumination within what seemed to be a cave. The rocky walls, uneven and cold, seemed to loom over you. You felt weak, every movement was a struggle, and a dull pain throbbed in your side. You tried to sit up, but your injured side forced you back down, a hiss of pain escaping your lips. You brought a trembling hand to the wound and felt the rough texture of the bandages wrapped around the torn flesh. Despite the agony, the wound had apparently been cleaned and treated with care. Someone had taken the time to tend to it, to ensure it would heal, though it was still far from being fully recovered. You looked around, trying to piece together fragments of memory that crowded your mind. You remembered your friends' deaths, Sol screaming, your lightsaber changing color, and a battle. You recalled the fierce confrontation with the Sith, your fall, and the darkness that enveloped you. But beyond that, nothing. You had no idea how you had ended up in that cave, nor who had brought you there.

Your heart raced, panic beginning to seep into your thoughts. Were you a prisoner? And if so, who had shown such mercy to tend to your wounds? The most unsettling question was the most obvious: why hadn't the Sith eliminated you when he had the chance? A shadowy thought slithered into your mind, and the face of the Sith echoed in the depths of your being. The idea that he might have been the one to save you, to care for you, was as chilling as it was improbable. Yet, you couldn’t shake the possibility from your mind, no matter how absurd it seemed.

You dragged yourself out with great effort, and through the blinding light, you saw the silhouette of a man, barely identifiable. You followed him stealthily, still holding your side and trying to endure the pain from the wound. For a moment, you lost sight of him, only to find him again shortly after, immersed in a pool of water in what seemed to be a coastal area with black sand you couldn’t identify. Your eyes fell on the figure facing away from you, submerged in the water, his muscles relaxed, his raven hair wet and slicked back. To your eyes, the man seemed completely unaware of your presence, though he appeared to have a vigilant awareness of the surrounding area. You moved silently among the rocks and vegetation, observing your target until your gaze fell upon a pile of clothes near the shore, where the deactivated lightsaber lay. With swift and somewhat precise movements, you approached the lightsaber. Tension mounted inside you as you crouched to pick it up, aware that any sound could betray your presence. You grasped the metallic object and assumed an attack position as the man began to speak, still with his back turned while he calmly washed himself.

"how does it feel?" he said, turning towards you. You recognized him immediately. The mere sight of his face sparked rage within you. "Pleasant, don't you think?" His tone was a piercing screech to your ears. You gritted your teeth, not responding, remaining in your attack stance. "Your stance is good despite the wound on your side, but your elbows are a real mess. I had my doubts when we fought last time, and now I see why it was so easy to defeat you. Your elbows are too low; you should keep one higher, you know?" he continued, observing you. "…To block more quickly and strike with more precision." He took a brief pause. "Since you don’t know how to use the Force, you should learn to block better," he concluded, stepping out of the water, now only a few steps away from you.

"Don’t move," your stance changed, now aiming the off lightsaber directly at him. Your gaze was sharp and cold. "If you don’t want to join me, at least let me put my clothes on" he said. You took a slight step back, allowing him to exit the water. You swallowed, trying not to let your gaze fall on the naked, wet defined body of the man, keeping in your mind that he was your enemy. You began to ponder whether it was appropriate to attack him now. But it was neither Jedi-like to strike a defenseless man nor to act in such a dishonorable manner. "Surely, you’re wondering if it’s honorable to kill me like this," he began, his tone different from the one used in battle. You swallowed. Your gaze fell for a second on his chest, and you cursed yourself for the terrible idea. "In battle it’s justified, but days later isn’t it revenge?" he asked with a sarcastic tone, as if he already knew the answer. "And now you wonder if I can read your mind… and the answer is… no. Anger betrays your thoughts" he continued, dressing himself as if you weren’t pointing a weapon at him. His gaze seemed oddly gentle, more delicate, almost innocent. So much so that he almost didn’t seem like the same man who had killed seven Jedi just a few nights before.

"Why did you bring me here? Why didn’t you kill me?" you asked, watching him sternly, uncertain of what to do next. "Am I your prisoner?" "Prisoner? You’re the one with a weapon" he said with an overly calm look and an obvious tone in his voice, as he walked back towards the cave, passing by you without fear. You followed him, teeth clenched. You wanted revenge on this man, but what a miserable person you would be to strike him from behind while he was unarmed. "If you keep me here, Sol will come for you. He’s found me before, and he’s powerful with the Force." Your voice sounded threatening, though not as forceful as you’d hoped due to the stabbing pain in your side. The man turned and looked at you with a puzzled expression. "Do you think he’s powerful with the Force? It’s you who’s powerful with the Force, y/n. Someone should teach you," he said. You were stunned for a few seconds, as he knew your name. To you, he was a stranger, but you didn’t seem to be as unknown to him. The stranger walked back into the cave, and you followed him, confused. "In what way am I powerful with the Force? You should know it’s something to be practiced. If you don’t train it, it fades" you said, your voice still sharp as you scrutinized the man who seemed so at ease in your presence. You had long abandoned being a Jedi, retreating shortly after becoming officially part of the Order. If it hadn’t been for your sister leaving a trail of blood wherever she went, you would have stayed far away from that world. You had lost every Force ability, not having practiced it for many years. You vaguely remembered how to use a lightsaber, thanks to Sol, who had helped you recall the skills during the time you spent together, training with his young Padawan Jecki.

The stranger was seated next to what appeared to be a small campfire, while you kept your distance. He tasted the food he was cooking. You didn’t trust him; something about him made you suspicious, aside from the fact that he had decimated your team. "You know… The Jedi teach that there’s only one way to access the Force, and if you don’t do it their way, it fades. But there’s another way," he said gently, turning his gaze toward you. "Beneath the surface of consciousness, there are powerful emotions." "Anger. Fear. Loss…" he slowly mentioned the emotions you had learned to suppress, as you had been taught in the Order during your time as a Jedi Padawan. "…desire." The last emotion was spoken almost in a whisper as he took on a more serious and penetrating expression. You swallowed, observing him with disdain, though you subconsciously held your breath as he listed the emotions. "That’s the path to the dark side," the words came out acridly from your mouth.

The man’s expression darkened for a moment, but he quickly masked it with a mocking smile. "semantics… You Jedi are so closed-minded," he replied, turning back to the fire, stirring the stew he was cooking. "The light side isn’t the only way to access the Force. The dark side… amplifies emotions. It’s just another way to access the Force. A way… to freedom." His convincing tone almost seemed reasonable, though it was contrary to your way of thinking. "You killed my friends," your gaze grew even sharper and more bitter, as your hand still gripped the hilt of the deactivated lightsaber, seeking comfort in the familiar cold metal. The Sith’s words were like poison seeping into your mind, exploiting the insecurities you had always tried to suppress. "Friends? That’s what you call people who come to seek you only in moments of need and then ignore your existence?" His voice was laced with a mix of disdain and feigned compassion. Every word from this man was a blade sinking into your soul, touching raw nerves you had tried to ignore. You had been trained to combat fear, anger, desire—all emotions that, if left unchecked, could lead you down the dark path. But at that moment, you felt the internal storm growing, fueled by suffering and loss, a mourning.

"War isn’t pretty, y/n, sometimes…" he began, his voice dropping to a near-whisper as he stood up, beginning to walk toward you with determined steps, never breaking eye contact. "Sacrifices must be made for a greater good." He stopped just inches from you, his penetrating gaze studying you with a mix of cynicism and desire, as if challenging you to contradict him. Every fiber of his being radiated an irresistible force, a magnetism that seemed to envelop him like a shadow. He leaned slightly toward you, his warm breath brushing against your skin as his lips dangerously neared your ear. "Your friends," he whispered with a cold, almost contemptuous tone, "were just collateral damage." His words were like sharp knives—cutting and relentless—but the seductive tone with which he spoke betrayed an unsettling intimacy, as if he were confiding a dark secret that only you could understand.

The stranger leaned back slightly, just enough to meet your gaze. His dark eyes, deep as an abyss, stared at you with an intensity that seemed to penetrate directly into your soul. His face was close, too close, and his expression was serious, almost sorrowful, but there was no trace of remorse—only a dark understanding. "Why do you love people who can only go so far?" His voice dropped further, becoming a near-confidential whisper. "Who can’t go as deep as you can?" His gaze was intense, his eyes locked onto yours with an expression that seemed to reveal far more than his words had. There was a hidden desire, a need struggling to surface, but the man skillfully masked it, maintaining a subtle balance between cynicism and seduction.

You held your breath, feeling the weight of his words and his proximity. You knew that behind those words lay a darkness trying to corrupt you, but his allure was dangerously real. Your mind was conflicted, torn between repulsion at the Sith’s cynicism and the irresistible magnetism surrounding him. The man gave you a slight smile, a smile that never quite reached his eyes, as he pulled back just a few centimeters, leaving you teetering between temptation and inner struggle. "Maybe, y/n," he added in a mellifluous voice, "you’re destined for something more… something greater… something that I can show you." "I’m not my sister. I’m not so easily corrupted," you said, looking him straight in the eyes, trying to maintain control over yourself. Every fiber of your being struggled to suppress the tumultuous emotions the stranger had tried to awaken in you. Your heart pounded loudly, betraying you, but your face remained impassive, covered by a studied veil of disgust. With a slow, deliberate motion, you took a step back, putting distance between you, your gaze charged with superiority and defiance.

Qimir observed you with an impassive expression, but behind his dark eyes was growing interest, a sort of admiration for your resilience. To him, you were not like the other Jedi he had encountered, too weak or easily swayed. In you, he saw a potential acolyte, someone with an inner strength that could be nurtured and guided toward an even greater power. A subtle smile appeared on his lips, a nearly imperceptible curve that betrayed his pleasure at seeing you so determined. "You’re not like your sister, that’s true," he admitted with a tone that seemed both a compliment and a challenge. He took a step toward you, closing the space between you once more, but this time with an even more calculated calm, like a hunter who knows its prey. "But don’t mistake your determination for invulnerability," he continued, his voice soft and sharp as a blade. "The force you suppress within you, the force you’ve learned to stifle, is what could make you great—much greater than the Jedi could ever imagine. I see in you a potential that goes beyond the limitations of their dogma, and that is what frightens them." He stopped just a few steps from you, his gaze locked on yours, trying to pierce through the mask you had erected. "I’m not here to corrupt you," he whispered, his voice almost persuasive. "I’m here to offer you a choice, a path that the Jedi have always denied you. A road to a freedom you don’t yet know." You felt a shiver run down your spine, but you refused to show any weakness to him.

"I don’t need your freedom," you replied coldly, your voice steady despite the internal turmoil. "Your whispers don’t touch me. I know who I am and what I represent." "So sure of yourself" he murmured, with a tone that seemed to appreciate your determination. "But what do you truly represent, y/n? A Jedi struggling against her own nature, stifling the potential that could make her truly powerful? Oh… perhaps I should say, ex-Jedi?" he asked with ironic amusement, towering over your figure. You clenched your teeth, pointing the hilt of the deactivated lightsaber at his stomach.

He tilted his head slightly, amused, his gaze growing more penetrating as he sought to reach that part of you he knew existed—the part that thirsted for knowledge, power, something more. “You feel the Force, you perceive it in ways that even the Jedi cannot understand. And you know there is a greater, deeper power calling you. It is not betrayal to explore that possibility. It is… evolution.” His words, spoken with such conviction, seemed to echo in the cave, breaking through the barriers you had erected to protect yourself. You raised your lightsaber to meet the man's neck. “Do it… light it” he ordered, his tone of challenge making your blood boil. The Sith, on the other hand, seemed delighted by your anger, his sharp and contemptuous smile only fueling the tension. Qimir merely tilted his head slightly to the side, offering his neck completely to you, his penetrating gaze fixed on the lightsaber you pointed at him, waiting for the moment you would decide to ignite it.

“A Jedi… does not attack the unarmed" you said through gritted teeth, your voice a murmur of frustration and determination. Your mind was a tumult of emotions, but your will to remain true to your principles was steadfast. “Do you still think you’re a Jedi?” he asked, his voice low and enveloping, almost hypnotic. “Don’t you remember how your lightsaber changed color the last time? Do you still believe you must adhere to a code you’re questioning within yourself?” Those words hit like a punch to the stomach, evoking images you would have preferred to forget. The blade of your lightsaber, once glowing a pure blue, had trembled, taking on red hues like those of the man before you. You took a step back, your heart racing, desperately trying to put space between you and that voice which seemed to read into you with ruthless precision. But the man gave you no respite. His hand moved with surprising speed, gripping your arm in a gentle yet firm hold. His fingers closed around your wrist, not enough to hurt, but enough to keep you from withdrawing the saber from his neck. The contrast between the contained strength of his touch and the relaxed calm of his face left you breathless.

His penetrating gaze was fixed on your eyes, a subtle yet relentless challenge. “You know yourself that after what’s happened you couldn’t return to the Jedi even if you wanted to,” he whispered, his tone charming and confident, as if he had already won this silent battle. “Sol has seen it, don’t believe that after succumbing to rage and revenge you can return to a position that no longer belongs to you.” You felt trapped, not so much by his hand holding you but by the words resonating inside you. His words seemed to challenge every certainty you had until that moment. Every fiber of your being wanted to reject him, but there was something in his tone, in the way he looked at you, that made you doubt, even if just for a moment. Qimir moved closer, his warm breath against your skin, each movement calculated with lethal precision. “It’s not a matter of principles, y/n,” he continued, his tone now almost seductive. “That pain, that anger… this is what you are.” Your breath grew irregular, your heart pounding in your chest as you struggled to maintain control. “Let me go.” you threatened, your voice a low growl, but you knew there was a shadow of hesitation you couldn’t hide.

“Sol saw it… the Jedi saw it” he continued, his tone now softer but laden with cruel truth. “And for that, they will throw you away, again.” His piercing gaze cut into you, as your eyes took on an expression of anger and fear at his words. You felt his words like a sharp blade piercing through your defenses, and your gaze hardened, but you couldn’t hide the flicker of fear in your eyes. The fear that, deep down, he might be right. The fear that your Order, those you would give your life to protect, might indeed see you as a threat, something to be eliminated. The Sith sensed that shift within you, and his gaze became even more penetrating, probing every corner of your mind. It was as if he could see every weakness, every hidden thought, and he used them with a terrifying skill. “You can’t hide from what you are, y/n. The dark side isn’t a weakness… it’s your strength. And you know it.” You gritted your teeth, disgust and anger mixing into an explosive blend that pushed you closer to the edge. He seemed to know exactly which buttons to press; every word, every look was a sharp blade striking at your raw nerves. The tension inside you grew, turning into a knot that threatened to snap. Until you could no longer hold it back, and it was in that moment that you ignited the lightsaber, the glowing blade just a breath away from his neck. “It won’t be like that,” you hissed, your voice barely above a whisper, desperately trying to stay calm, though your eyes betrayed the mask of confidence you wore. “I will not succumb to the dark side.”

The man remained still, his mocking smile slowly widening as his eyes stayed fixed on yours, as if he were looking through you, reading every hidden thought. He swallowed slowly, a gesture that seemed almost like an invitation, a further provocation. The blade of your saber illuminated his face, but there was no trace of fear in his eyes, only a cold calm. “It’s not something you have to give in to… it’s inside you,” he said with that velvety voice of his, each word a whisper insinuating doubt into your certainties. His words struck you like a blow to the heart, breaking that fragile barrier you were desperately trying to maintain. “Your potential is immense,” he continued, lowering his voice to a warm, almost intimate whisper. Your gaze grew sharper as the subtle poison in his words sought to seep into your consciousness. The lightsaber blade barely touched his skin without making contact, his calm expression only annoying you. It was as if the threat had no effect on him, as if he knew you would never have the courage to go through with it. Every movement he made was slow, deliberate, calculated to keep you on edge, playing with your emotions like a master puppeteer. Anger bubbled within you, a fire growing ever stronger, fueled by his words, his confident smile, the way he seemed to control everything. You couldn’t deny it; there was a part of you that wanted to give in, that wanted to let go of the anger, the pain that burned so intensely. And he knew it; you could feel it in his voice, see it in his eyes.

“I understand…” His voice was a seductive whisper, just above a breath, as his hand rose with studied slowness, approaching yours without ever touching it. His eyes, which had been filled with impenetrable confidence until now, took on a new light, something deeper, almost vulnerable. “I’ve lost everything, y/n…” His gaze now seemed sincere, almost pleading for some strange reason. “But when you lose everything,” he continued, his hand now resting on yours, which still gripped the cold lightsaber handle. The contact was surprisingly gentle, a light pressure, but enough to make you feel the warmth of his skin against yours. His grip was soft but firm, and the contrast between his words and the apparent gentleness of the gesture made you waver. “That’s when you’re truly free,” he concluded, his voice a whisper carrying an inescapable weight, an invitation to surrender, to let go of everything that still bound you to the light. His gaze locked onto your eyes, deep, almost pleading, but not for pity: for understanding, for sharing. It was as if he wanted you to see the world through his eyes, to understand that the dark side wasn’t a condemnation but a liberation. His words struck you forcefully, penetrating your defenses once again with lethal precision. It wasn’t just a mental game; there was something genuine in the pain that lingered in his voice, a shadow of loneliness that echoed your own torment. And in that moment, the Sith you had seen as an implacable enemy became a figure that seemed to understand your suffering, your anger.

“The anger you feel, the pain that consumes you… you don’t have to fight it,” he continued, his tone calm and inviting. The tension between you was thick, almost suffocating. You felt the dark side’s pull toward him, the promise of freedom shining like an irresistible temptation. But there was something more in that man, something human, making it harder to you to ignore. The sincerity in his gaze, his voice dropping to an almost intimate whisper, made you doubt your certainties. His hand, warm against yours, made you feel dangerously close to an abyss you weren’t sure you wanted to avoid. You remained still, analyzing his words in your mind. The lightsaber still tightly gripped in your hand, your teeth clenched as you swallowed before sighing, thinking about what you should do. You deactivated the lightsaber and stepped away from him, pressing the hilt of the now-deactivated saber against his chest. You wouldn’t be deceived by his seductive words. You knew who you were and what you fought for. But, inside, a small part couldn’t help but wonder: what if he was right?

“You don’t know me to tell me these things. And as I’ve said, I’m not corruptible like my sister,” You hissed, your voice charged with a tension the man couldn’t help but appreciate. He let his smile spread slowly across his face, watching with almost amused interest as you deactivated the lightsaber and then pressed the hilt against his chest. The determination in your eyes, the resolve in your gesture, fascinated him. It wasn’t the reaction he had expected, but there was something in you, an inner strength, a resilience that intrigued him deeply. He could see the internal struggle you were facing, the conflict between the Jedi code and the emotions he had deliberately stirred.

The Sith, with a slow and measured gesture, placed the hilt of the deactivated lightsaber on a nearby rock. The smile on his face shifted into a smirk of satisfaction. “Perhaps I know you better than you think,” he admitted, his voice soft and filled with an intensity that echoed in the silence of the cave, where only the crackling of the fire could be heard. “I see who you are… who you could be. Your strength, your will…” His steps continued to close the distance between you, and you took a step back, trying to maintain the space between you. He gently took your wrist and pulled you slightly towards him, towering over your smaller figure. He looked at you with what might have seemed like admiration or… desire. You held your breath, swallowing, paralyzed by what could be the gentlest yet most dangerous of predators. The man brought his face closer to yours, the distance between you reduced to mere centimeters, his breath mingling with yours, warm and slow. His touch was once again firm but never painful. His eyes, dark as the abyss, glowed with an intensity that slowly captivated you. You found yourself hanging on his lips, almost asking for permission to breathe regularly. “It is rare…” he concluded. You took a deep breath, and the tension between you was growing increasingly palpable. His tone was like sweet poison, flowing slowly through your veins, making you doubt once more everything you had always believed. His hand slowly moved from your wrist to your side, stopping just below your ribs, where the wound, though treated, still throbbed painfully. The contact, though light, made you flinch, a mix of pain and something else you couldn’t quite identify. You felt the warmth of his body against yours, the tension between you becoming almost unbearable.

“You’re still loyal to someone who didn’t think twice about abandoning you to the enemy on Khofar some nights ago…” You swallowed at his words, feeling the knot in your throat that blocked every word and the weight in your stomach. “Deep down, you’re still searching for a master, someone to guide you… That life, you’ve never truly felt it as your own; they never understood you,” he continued, his gaze fixed on your eyes as if he could see inside you, reading every thought, every hidden emotion. “But I can.” For a moment, you felt yourself falter at those words. The tension between you was palpable, and you could not take your eyes off what must be your enemy, although your mind tried to keep lucidity. Your breathing was slow and irregular, each breath an attempt to hold back an invisible and unknown force that seemed to want to overwhelm you. The knot in your throat was getting tighter, blocking the words you wanted to say. Your eyes were mesmerized. There was an incredible intensity in those foxy eyes, a mixture of fear and fascination that left your heart inexplicably throbbing and mind confused. You failed to swallow trying to make words come out to counter his claims

“You are like me…” he whispered a short distance from your lips.

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Notes :

Well, yes, the sexy hot af villain who will be the protagonist of the new series is Him. Qimir, from The Acolyte. If you don’t know him, go and watch that series because Manny Jacinto put all his effort to seduce us towards the dark side. This is just the beginning, still do not know how many chapters will have but I hope not many, I would like to write about more topics for him.

if you haven’t seen the series there will be some spoilers, so please watch the series first

-Mel

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125 notes · View notes

rafesapologist · 5 months

Text

the setback ─ rafe cameron; part ten

summary: it's been two years since your departure from the outer banks and rafe cameron has seemingly convinced himself that he can go on with his life as if you never happened, except now more than ever his addiction is at an all time high. whether he was snorting lines of cocaine at wild parties or drowning himself in alcohol to numb the pain, rafe couldn't escape the memories of you. despite his efforts to bury his feelings, your absence lingered like a shadow, haunting him at every turn. meanwhile, you've been navigating life outside the outer banks, trying to carve out a new path for yourself. but no matter how far you've traveled, the memories of rafe cameron still linger in your heart, leaving you with a sense of unfinished business. as you find yourself facing new challenges and opportunities, you can't help but wonder if fate will eventually bring you back to the place where it all began.

warnings: sexual themes, mentions of m*rder, swearing

You found yourself back at the chateau, retreating into the sanctuary of your room with the heavy weight of indecision pressing down on you. The door shut behind you, enveloping you in a cocoon of solitude as you sought refuge from the turmoil swirling outside.

For the past few days, you had confined yourself within these four walls, venturing out only when absolutely necessary – for snacks or brief interactions with your friends to assure them of your well-being. Work obligations pulled you out occasionally, but other than that, you remained hidden away, grappling with the multitude of thoughts and emotions that consumed you.

The encounter with Topper at the golf course had rattled you more than you cared to admit, stirring up old wounds and unresolved feelings that you had buried deep within. And while you had managed to maintain a facade of composure in front of the others, the truth was that you were struggling to make sense of it all in the solitude of your room.

The news that JJ had delivered to you only added to the weight on your shoulders, casting a shadow of uncertainty over the already tumultuous situation. You found yourself torn between conflicting loyalties, unsure of which path to take and what consequences awaited you at the end of each.

As you sat on your bed, bathed in the soft glow of lamplight, you couldn't help but feel a sense of exhaustion wash over you – both physical and emotional. The events of the past few days had taken their toll, leaving you drained and depleted, yearning for a moment of respite from the chaos that seemed to follow you wherever you went.

But even in the midst of the turmoil, a part of you longed for clarity, for a glimpse of the path forward that would lead you out of the darkness and into the light. And as you closed your eyes, you whispered a silent prayer, hoping against hope that the answers you sought would reveal themselves in due time, guiding you towards a resolution that would bring peace to your troubled heart.

In the solitude of your room, the weight of your decision bore down on you like a heavy burden, squeezing the air from your lungs and clouding your thoughts with uncertainty. It seemed like a simple choice on the surface – spy on Rafe and risk betraying his trust once again, or refuse and potentially jeopardize the safety of your friends, including John B. But as you wrestled with the implications of each option, you realized that there was no easy way out of this dilemma.

On one hand, agreeing to spy on Rafe would mean betraying his trust yet again, potentially driving a permanent wedge between you and the person who had once held a special place in your heart. The thought of hurting him again made your stomach churn with guilt, but you couldn't ignore the gravity of the situation – Ward's threats loomed over John B like a dark cloud, and any information that could help protect him was invaluable.

On the other hand, refusing to spy on Rafe would mean letting down your friends, particularly John B, whose safety was now at risk more than ever before. You couldn't bear the thought of putting them in harm's way, but at the same time, you couldn't shake the feeling that betraying Rafe's trust would be a betrayal of your own moral code.

It was a war waged within your own mind, a battle between loyalty and duty, between friendship and integrity. And as you grappled with the weight of your decision, you couldn't help but feel a sense of frustration and resentment towards the two people who had unwittingly placed you in this impossible position.

They didn't understand – couldn't understand – the commotion that churned within you, the agonizing choice that lay before you like a noose tightening around your neck. And as you stared out into the darkness beyond your window, you knew that whatever choice you made, it would come at a cost – a cost that you would have to bear alone, with no one to share the burden but yourself.

The knock on your door came as a sudden shock, breaking you out of your own mind and thoughts. You jumped up immediately, not wanting to leave the person on the other side of the door to worry. When you opened the door, you were met face to face with Sarah, who greeted you with a warm smile and a plate of cookies in her hands.

"Hey, Sarah," you replied, returning her smile as you stepped aside to let her in. "Thanks for stopping by, and for the cookies. They smell amazing."

"I just wanted to stop by and check in, and give out some cookies cause I made some because I was bored," Sarah explained, her tone light and friendly as she stepped into your room and set the plate down on your desk.

"Well, I figured you could use a little pick-me-up," she continued, her eyes filled with concern as she glanced around the room. "You've been cooped up in here for days. Everything okay?"

You hesitated for a moment, unsure of how much to reveal. But as you met Sarah's gaze, filled with genuine care and compassion, you felt a wave of gratitude wash over you. "Honestly, I've just been… sorting through some stuff," you admitted, a hint of vulnerability creeping into your voice. "It's been a bit overwhelming."

Sarah looked at you with her eyebrow raised, concern etched on her face as she inquired further. She sat down on the edge of your bed next to you, her expression urging you to open up.

"What do you mean? What's been going on?" she asked gently, her voice soft yet insistent.

You sighed, feeling the weight of the words you were about to speak. "It's... complicated," you began, searching for the right way to explain without overwhelming her with the details.

"I've just been feeling torn between... different things," you continued, choosing your words carefully. "And I'm not sure what the right choice is."

Sarah's head tilted slightly to the side, a gesture that conveyed both curiosity and concern. "Torn between what, Y/N?" she asked gently, her eyes searching yours for answers.

You hesitated, knowing that what you were about to reveal could strain your friendship. "Well… it's about this whole John B situation and Rafe," you began slowly, bracing yourself for her reaction. "I understand that this is a big deal and we have to deal with your dad and all, but JJ told me the other day that you guys need me to spy on Rafe again and I just… I don't think I have the strength to do it. It's not right, Sarah."

Sarah nodded slowly, her expression contemplative as she looked down at the cookie in her hands. Taking a bite, she seemed lost in thought for a moment before speaking. "Look," she began, her tone measured, "if anyone understands your position, it's me. I mean, I was forced to choose between John B and my dad at one point, remember? It wasn't an easy choice, Y/N. But I followed my heart and ended up doing what was right for me, not what everybody else wanted."

Her words resonated with you, reminding you of the difficult choices she had faced in the past. You nodded, grateful for her understanding and empathy. "I just wish it were that simple," you admitted, feeling the weight of the situation bearing down on you once again.

"it's never going to be easy, Y/N, but you can't let everyone make decisions for you. Do what feels right for you." She reassured, looking at you with full sincerity draped across her face.

"I know, but JJ is really counting on me for this, and I can't imagine his disappointment if I tell him I won't do it."

"Y/N, stop worrying about what JJ thinks. JJ is always going to want you to live up to the idea of you he has in his head, but in reality, that's not you. If you feel like it's wrong to do, then don't do it. I, for one, don't want to be the reason you're heartbroken because you were forced to spy on Rafe again. And besides, there are other ways we can spy on Ward."

Her words sank in, and you felt a sense of relief wash over you. Sarah always had a way of cutting through the noise and offering a clear perspective. You nodded, grateful for her advice. "You're right," you admitted, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders, "Thanks, Sarah. I needed to hear that."

Sarah grinned, rising from the bed. "Anytime. Now, try not to worry too much, okay? Everything will work out in the end."

You nodded gratefully, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. "And thanks for the cookies too."

With a reassuring smile, Sarah opened the door. "Just remember, I've got your back no matter what. See you later." And with that, she left you alone with your thoughts and a plate of cookies.

As Sarah left the room, you found yourself alone once again, the silence of your surroundings amplifying the weight of your thoughts. Each passing moment seemed to stretch into eternity as you wrestled with the decision looming over you. Sarah's words were a balm to your troubled mind, offering a sense of solidarity in the midst of uncertainty. You nibbled on a single cookie, its sweetness a small comfort as you leaned back against your headboard, the soft warmth of your room enveloping you. With each bite, you felt a semblance of calm washing over you, allowing you to momentarily escape the weight of the world outside your door.

As the minutes ticked by, you found yourself inching closer to a decision, the weight of Sarah's words guiding you towards a path illuminated by your own convictions. With a renewed sense of resolve, you knew that whatever choice you made, it would be a reflection of your own truth, untainted by the expectations of others.

As you sat there contemplating your next move, the weight of the decision pressing down on you like a ton of bricks, you couldn't shake the feeling of being torn between two worlds. The thought of spying on Rafe again filled you with a sense of dread, yet you also felt a sense of obligation to JJ and your friends. It was a moral dilemma that seemed impossible to resolve.

After a moment of internal debate, you finally made a decision. With a deep breath, you reached for your phone, its screen lighting up as you unlocked it. Your fingers hovered over the contacts app for a brief moment before you mustered up the courage to tap on Rafe's name.

With a deep breath, you pressed your finger to the screen, summoning the courage to make the call. Each passing second felt like an eternity as you waited for the phone to connect, the anticipation building with each ring.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you heard the click of the line connecting, followed by Rafe's voice on the other end. It was a familiar sound, one that stirred a multitude of emotions within you.

"Hello?" Rafe's voice came through the phone, tinged with curiosity and uncertainty.

"Hey, Rafe," you began, your voice betraying the nervousness you felt. "I… I need to talk to you about something."

"Okay, what's going on?" Rafe's voice held a hint of urgency, his curiosity evident in the question.

You hesitated for a moment, gathering your thoughts before deciding to confront the issue head-on. "I think we should talk about it in person," you finally responded, your tone firm yet tinged with apprehension.

There was a brief pause on the other end of the line before Rafe replied, "Sure, where do you want to meet?"

You took a deep breath, steeling yourself for the conversation to come. "How about at the docks? It's quiet there this time of day."

"Sounds good," Rafe agreed, his voice carrying a mix of emotions. "I'll see you there."

You hurriedly threw on a gray jacket over your white tank top, knowing you needed to shield yourself from the cold ocean breeze at night. As you zipped it up, you contemplated your exit strategy. Going through the living room was out of the question; JJ and the boys were there, and they would undoubtedly inquire about your late-night plans. The only feasible option left was the window.

Approaching the window, you took a moment to ensure it was unlocked before sliding it open with a soft creak. Peering out into the darkness, you gauged the distance to the ground below. It wasn't too far, but still a risk. With a deep breath, you swung one leg over the windowsill, followed by the other, and carefully lowered yourself down onto the grass below.

Once your feet touched the ground, you straightened up, brushing off any dirt or grass clinging to your clothes. Casting a quick glance around to make sure no one had noticed your unconventional exit, you set off toward the docks, the cool night air swirling around you as you made your way through the quiet streets of the Outer Banks.

In typical Outer Banks fashion, the roads were dimly lit, if at all. You were lucky if you found a light pole within a mile of the roads at night. But luckily, the docks weren't too far, and you knew your way well. The only downside was the wind from the nearby ocean, whipping through your hair for the entirety of your walk there.

You began to shiver, your arms crossed tightly against your chest as you approached the docks. The old wooden planks creaked under your weight as you treaded cautiously, scanning the area for any sign of Rafe. The faint sound of waves crashing against the shore provided a soothing backdrop to the eerie silence of the night.

You stood there for a moment, your arms wrapped tightly around you as you gazed out at the vast expanse of the ocean, mesmerized by the rhythmic crashing of the waves against the dock. Lost in deep thought, you waited patiently for Rafe to arrive. You knew his trip from Figure 8 would take a bit longer than yours, but you expected he would be driving, so you wouldn't be waiting all night.

As you stood there, contemplating the gravity of your actions, you couldn't shake the nagging feeling of guilt gnawing at the edges of your conscience. Meeting up with Rafe while still technically with JJ felt like walking on thin ice. The potential fallout, especially if JJ were to find out, weighed heavily on your mind. You knew that it could irreparably damage your relationship with JJ, especially given his history with Rafe.

As the raindrops gently peppered your skin, you couldn't help but feel a sense of frustration rising within you. Each droplet seemed to mock your predicament, adding to the complexity of the situation. You cursed softly, your breath visible in the cool night air as you stood alone on the deserted dock.

Then, like a beacon in the darkness, headlights emerged in the distance, cutting through the night like a knife. Your heart leaped with anticipation, hoping it was Rafe's truck finally arriving. As the vehicle drew closer, the sound of its engine reverberated against the wooden planks beneath your feet, creating a symphony of anticipation and uncertainty.

Your heart skipped a beat as Rafe emerged from the truck, his familiar figure providing a sense of comfort amidst the uncertainty of the night. Despite the hoodie pulled over his head, you recognized his tall silhouette immediately. Relief washed over you as he stepped out, hands tucked into his pockets to shield himself from the light drizzle.

With each step closer, his presence felt more palpable, his figure becoming clearer in the dim light. You couldn't help but feel a surge of emotions as he approached, a mix of apprehension and longing swirling within you.

As Rafe closed the distance between you, each step seemed to echo in the quiet night, emphasizing the tension that crackled in the air. His familiar silhouette emerged from the shadows, the hood of his jacket casting a shadow over his features. You could feel the intensity of his gaze even before his eyes met yours, a silent conversation already taking place.

When he finally reached you, his presence loomed over you, his height accentuated in the dim light. The subtle scent of rain mixed with his cologne lingered in the air, adding to the surreal atmosphere of the moment.

Standing mere inches apart, you found yourself lost in the depths of his gaze, a myriad of emotions swirling beneath the surface. With every beat of your heart, the anticipation grew, the unspoken words hanging between you like a delicate thread.

You gave him a weak smile, knowing what you were about to tell him was anything but good. Taking a deep breath, you continued, "Thanks for coming to meet with me, I know it's kind of late."

Rafe's expression softened slightly at your words, his gaze softening as he replied, "Of course, y/n. I'll always make time for you."

Feeling a surge of guilt wash over you, you looked down at your hands, fiddling with your necklace nervously before meeting his gaze once more. "Look, I don't know if this is going to make sense to you, but I felt awful if I didn't tell you, especially after what happened in the past," you started, your voice wavering slightly. "JJ came to me at the golf course after the whole incident with Topper, and he asked me to do something, for John B."

Rafe's brows furrowed in confusion, his expression shifting to one of concern. "What did he ask you to do?"

You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat making it difficult to speak. "He… he asked me to spy on you again."

Rafe looked at you, his expression shifting from concern to confusion. "Spy on me? Again?" he repeated, disbelief evident in his voice.

You nodded, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on you. "Yeah… I know it's messed up," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "But JJ thinks it's the only way to find out what your dad's next move is."

Rafe ran a hand through his hair, his eyes searching yours for any sign of hesitation or doubt. "And what did you tell him?" he asked, his voice strained with emotion.

You sighed, a solemn look on your face as you continued, "I told him I don't know if I can do it, because I… I can't hurt you like that again and it's not right. He's been mad at me ever since and wants me to 'think about it,' but I can't do it, Rafe. I… I can't make the same mistake twice, not to you." Your voice trembled with emotion as you spoke, each word a struggle as tears welled up in your eyes.

Rafe remained silent for a moment, his expression unreadable as he processed your words. Then, he reached out, gently wiping away a tear that had escaped down your cheek. "Hey," he said softly, his voice a comforting presence amidst the turmoil, "you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with, especially if it means hurting yourself in the process."

You looked up at him, grateful for his understanding, but also feeling guilty for burdening him with your dilemma. "I just don't want to disappoint anyone," you admitted, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on you.

Rafe cupped your face in his hands, his gaze unwavering as he met your eyes. "You're not going to disappoint anyone by following your heart, y/n," he reassured you, his thumb brushing gently against your cheek. "And if JJ can't see that, then that's his problem, not yours."

His words were a balm to your troubled soul, offering you a sense of clarity and reassurance in the midst of uncertainty. You leaned into his touch, finding solace in his presence as the rain continued to fall around you, the sound of the ocean providing a soothing backdrop to your conversation.

Rafe looked up into the distance, sighing before he spoke, "If anything, I'm more pissed at the fact that JJ is still plotting against me and thinking I won't do anything about it."

You nodded in understanding, feeling a surge of frustration coursing through you at the thought of JJ's actions. "Yeah, I get that. But I also think JJ's just trying to protect John B, even if it means making some questionable decisions," you replied, your voice tinged with sympathy for your friend's predicament.

Rafe let out a sigh, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I know, I know," he muttered, his expression conflicted. "But it still doesn't sit right with me, you know? I thought we were past all this."

You nodded, unable to speak while your emotions were caught in your throat like a foreign body unable to be swallowed down. Your red, teary-eyes gazed back up at Rafe, trying to regain your composure while your mind tried to put together a cohesive sentence. But as if reading your mind, Rafe spoke up again.

"And thank you for not agreeing to do it. I know your friends mean a lot to you... and JJ," Rafe swallowed hard, his jaw clenching at the mere utterance of JJ's name, "I know that wasn't easy for you." His tonality was sincere but his expression remained almost stoic as if there was a war waging within his mind.

You remained silent for another moment, your eyes flickering back and forth between Rafe's azure optic hues as you wondered what was going on in his mind that cause his sudden change in demeanor, "What is it, Rafe?" you questioned.

"Nothing I," he hesitated for a brief second with his hand combing through his hair — an emphasis of his presumed trepidation, "I just hate the fact that they keep setting you up to spy on me s'all. I mean the first time was one thing, but to do it again? I don't get it." You sighed at his admission, feeling a wave of guilt wash over you knowing that you were partially to blame for being a part of the set up in the past.

"It's not necessarily you, it's your dad. He's been out to get John B since we left this island," you avoided Rafe's lingering gaze with your eyes glued to your feet, "and the reason why he ever was is the same reason I hated you when I got back here."

Rafe's body perked up at your comment, both intrigued and confused by your testament. You could tell he had no idea what you were referring to, which only made you feel more unnerved to bring up the topic figuring it was a touchy one for him. Surely he didn't think you knew about his secret, but at the same time, word gets around quickly.

"Rafe.. I know what you did." You blurted out without a second thought, wanting nothing more than to just rip the bandaid right off right then.

"Y/n, what are you talking about?" Rafe crossed his arms defensively with a cocked brow, looking at you as if you were the one who was acting crazy.

The next few words to come out of your mouth were painful, not only for you but for Rafe as well. They fired off like bullets that would leave a gaping wound with it's fragments engraved into anything that surrounded you. But you couldn't lie and hide the truth, you had already said too much to shy away.

"I know you killed Peterkin."

You announced the news rather recklessly and rushedly with your words barely hitting your tongue before they came out. What you said was true, at least to your knowledge, but it didn't make the situation any less uncomfortable and treacherous. You knew that by putting out there what you knew, it made everything all the more real, and it left a bitter taste in your mouth. You watched Rafe practically wince in response as he took in every single word you said. You still felt guilty nonetheless, but you had to confront him sooner or later.

"You don't know what you're talking about. Is this something else one of your Pogue friends lied to you about me?" Rafe spat, inching intimidatingly closer as he backed your against the wooden railing of the dock.

"It doesn't matter who told me.. why else would your dad be trying so hard to frame John B? I'm not stupid, Rafe."

"So what, are you scared of me now? Do you think I'm some kind of monster like the rest of them do? Are you gonna run away like you did two years ago?!" He expectorated right in your face, so close you could practically feel the anger coming out of him like a smoking gun. It was a side of Rafe you had never seen before, even after he found out about your ploy against him, you still saw a glimpse of humanity in him. But this time was different. He looked like he was full of nothing but spite and betrayal, even a hint of humility. What did it mean to him for you to know his darkest secret, even when he wouldn't flat out admit it was true?

"When I found out I was," you blinked, your voice betraying you by the dryness in your throat, "I resented you a lot because what you did put my friend in a terrible situation. He had to go into hiding and so did I." Rafe watched you intently as you spoke, each word given a second thought before coming out of your mouth in fear of setting off a ticking time bomb that was building within Rafe.

"But then I saw you for the first time in two years and every ounce of logic I had just kind of left. Call me crazy I guess," you shrugged with a glimpse of shame displayed in your body language and the averse look on your face that was evident to Rafe. You could see clearly that he was at a loss for words, unsure of what the right response was to the revelations you laid out before him. He gaped at you as if he wasn't entirely sure that you were real in a way that made your cheeks feel hot and flushed, small underneath his menacing stature.

Time seemed to stand still for a moment, torn between remaining in an uncomfortable silence that was louder than any words could say, or letting yourself do damage control and simply hope that Rafe would disregard everything your just poured into him shamelessly. You felt like an idiot the longer it took him to respond and merely just gaze down at you. It felt rather daunting with the uncertainty of if he thought you were insane or understood every word you meant.

But just as the silence began to weave a lump in your throat that nearly suffocated you, a sudden force nearly knocked you a few inches back from where you stood, your lips suddenly being greeted with a pair of soft ones that moved against yours with ease. Butterflies erupted in the pit of your stomach once you had came back to reality and realized it was Rafe kissing you, passionately at that.

His hands snaked down your waist and behind your back, just before the would holster you up against the dock railings. You could feel electricity fire off inside your body once you heard Rafe groan against your lips, his hands eager to touch every inch of you as they aimlessly rubbed and gripped up and down your hips, thighs, and chest. As though it were instinct, you wrapped your legs around his waist with an eagerness to feel his body pressed closer to yours. Both of you were practically feral, bodies grinding against one another as you both silently pleaded for more.

"You're not crazy," Rafe breathlessly spoke as he tore away from your lips to stare back at you as he grabbed your face with sincerity, "you're perfect. So, so perfect." He mumbled as he kissed down your neck swiftly, making your thighs clench together tightly.

"I don't give a fuck what any of those Pogues say," Rafe moaned against your skin while his hands inched up your thigh, "you're mine. And I don't give a fuck what I have to do to let them know it."

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