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cryptidghostgirl · 3 months

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Hey hey! i have a third angsty silly idea teehee (yes same person who requested the one where wife reader gets teleported to the hotel and the one with the fake dating trope-)

Im at it again with my silly ideas i can’t quite get out of my head- so picture this RIGHT before the begging of the second fic (loved it btw if i could id kiss you on the mouth)

(this interaction is important) Reader is eyeing Alastor to subconsciously make him talk to her, he does of course it goes a bit like “Alastor dear, havent seen you before?” "Just moved in, thought of making some acquaintances” and they talk, reader tells him “a charmer too? should be careful around you not to break my heart” or smth smilar idk i suck at dialogue

And then the partnership happens and theyve been at it for a while (like at least 5 years id say)- until Readers twin brother dies in a planned house fire and she goes out for revenge, before that they have a fight like “youre going to be out numbered” “its suicide” blah blah blah- and eventually reader goes out alone

She does manage to to kill the criminals but because of the cold January weather and the exhaustion of it all- reader gets hypothermia and in the frenzy thats caused by it stumbles and falls into a fence spike of an abandoned farmhouse, gets impaled right below the ribs teehee, Alastor eventually finding her and goes out to bury her properly.

readers death happens in 1925 -8 years before alastor which gibes her enough time to take over half the pentagram with her blizzard/ice powers (cuz i think theyre. cool ;)) and is also important reader has a long tail with fluff (which can turn into a heart shaped fur or have happy/angry twitches) at the end because i think its cute and because her demon form has one so it matches (think the faceless room guardians by anyaboz on IG but fully white- with a void face from which emerges a dog skull at will). the normal form being overall relatively normal aside from the long ears and black limbs that symbolize the hypothermia part of the death (Yes this is an Oc but im making it a bit more generic for everyone :>)

When alastor does die in 1933 (when he got shot visiting readers grave) he hears of this blizzard overlord and goes a bit into her territory and into a bar where he sees a somewhat familiar person teehee and they have the same first conversation over again but in hell :D and then get reunited but possibly pull out their signature weapons on each other again for old times sake 😇

also i love you so much for taking the time to write my dreams it does mean quite a lot to me and if you want i can give more ideas because i have a lot more- 😇 (im tottaly not insane and or delusional i swear-)

A/N of course?? I’m obsessed with your requests. they’re always so fun. Also as a heads up, I decided not to do this as a part to for cover up because I got an earlier request asking to do a part two for that and I try to address requests in the order I receive them. I also made some other minor changes just to make it work a little smoother. Also, please keep sending in requests, yours are always so fun.

Frostbite (Alastor X Reader)

Pairing: Alastor x Reader

Warnings: Murder, death, gore, arson, a little bit of angst.

Word Count: 3,949

Master Lists:

Master Lists

Hazbin Hotel Master List

Alastor sat at the bar of Mimzy's club drinking like he did every friday night. Normally the whirling dancers and loud music merely served to give him a headache, normally he ignored them and all the fans who somehow recognized him from the radio. Tonight was far from normal, tonight there was someone new.

Spinning on the dance floor, the fringe of her blood red dress spinning out from her legs. The woman was all smiles, all laughter, and she seemed never to turn down a partner. He watched her, entranced.

The woman wasn't a talented dancer, far from it in fact, but what she lacked in skill she made up for in enthusiasm and enjoyment. He had no intentions of doing anything other than watching her enchanting display until he made eye contact with her across the club. She blushed, turning away and quickly engaging a friend in conversation.

It was all the encouragement Alastor needed. In the dim light of the speakeasy, Alastor smiled to himself. He downed the rest of his drink and got to his feet. The crowed of dancers parted to make way for him like the red sea, waves of whispers following his path. He could hear the chatter, knew the rumors that he was a man uninterested in women, uninterested in love or romantic involvements of any type He knew that that was what everyone was speaking of as he approached the first new face the tired old place had seen in ages.

Coming to a stop behind the woman, her friend saw him first. It made sense, her back was turned to him after all, a result of her embarrassment at having been caught staring. He friend tapped her shoulder, indicating for the woman to turn around, and she spun. Alastor could feel the hem of her dress as it brushed against his leg through the fabric of his pants. His smile grew.

"Haven't seen you around here before Darling," he hummed, "new in town?"

"Just moved in, actually." the woman bashfully replied, clasping her hands behind her back and crossing one foot in front of the other.

The position it threw her body into sent Alastor's mind reeling. He hadn't expected that. Sure, she was pretty and different, new, but Alastor didn't feel things like that. At least, not normally.

"Well, I'd love to give you a tour sometime. The name is Alastor, Alastor Hartifelt."

This was the test: his name. How would she react? Was she just another one of his simpering fans, begging for his favor, for his attention, or would she do something interesting?

He held out a hand which she daintily rested her own in, a smile spreading across her face.

"Y/n L/n. I'm free tomorrow morning?"

Alastor was lucky, Saturday mornings were one of the few he had free. Gently, he leaned down and planted a soft kiss on the back of her hand. Y/n felt her heart flutter inside her chest.

"Ah, a charmer." she hummed as Alastor raised his head again and she took her hand from his, "I'll have to be careful around you."

Everything had snowballed from there. The tour around the city had spiraled into dinner which had further fallen into an attempt by Alastor to take her life. He had been curious, how it would feel when the life drained from her body at the force of his hands. Instead, she had met his advances by holding her own knife to his throat.

It became a game of sorts for the two, always trying to outwit one another, one up each other, land the other six feet under. The game ended when Alastor was chasing Y/n through the woods and she had stumbled, falling to the ground. He had grinned maniacally as he had advanced on her, as she had scrambled on the ground away from him. Knife raised, her back against a tree, she had breathlessly asked him out on a date. How could he say no? Especially when he looked up and saw that she had planned this all along. There was no other way their initials could be carved into the surface of the very thing that had stopped her escape. It was perfect, she was perfect.

Five years of bliss. Five years of feathery kisses and passion. Five years of waking up to her smiling face, of washing the blood off each other's hands, of nearly wedded bliss. Then there had been the fire.

Y/n had a twin brother, a brute of a thing who always seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Despite his flaws, Y/n loved him. This time, on a January morning in 1925, he had pissed off the wrong person and gotten himself killed. Y/n was inconsolable, spent every waking moment tracking the killer. It didn't take her long to get a lead.

She was halfway out the door when Alastor found her, shoving knives into her pockets and grabbing a gun. There was a wild, unfocused look in her eyes. Alastor turned his gaze momentarily to the setting sun as it sent rays of liquid golden light bouncing off the snow.

"Darling, what are you doing?"

"Going out." she gruffly replied, adjusting the laces on one of her shoes.

Alastor sighed. Y/n had mentioned to him just the day before that she had an idea of who was behind the murder and it wasn't pretty. The most controversial and strongest gang in the city had, according to her research, wielded the flames. Alastor took a step forward, placing a hand on Y/n's shoulder and she turned to him. Her eyes were hard and narrow, her face contorted by rage.

"Y/n, please." Alastor began, treading carefully, "Not tonight. It's awful out, and you just confirmed everything today."

"No." Y/n shook her head, "No, I can't wait to do this any longer, Al. It has already been nearly a month, I can't..."

She looked away, raising a fist to her heart, her shoulders hunching slightly.

"I can't."

"And I can't loose you." Alastor quickly replied, using his free hand to turn her face back to his.

"So come with me."

He hesitated. Y/n saw the look on his face, the doubt. She shook herself from his grip, turning back to the door.

"Alright. I'll go alone."

"Y/n," Alastor pleaded, taking another step towards her as she grabbed her coat off the hook on the wall, "it is too dangerous. I can't let you do this."

"Let me do this?" Y/n spun around, her coat in her hand and flames licking at the corners of her voice, "You can't let me do this?"

Alastor took a breath, trying desperately to keep his own anger at bay.

"There are too many of them." he tried to reason with her, "You can't do it on your own."

"So come with me!"

"I..."

Y/n scoffed, sliding her jacket onto her arms. Turning back to the door once again, she unlocked it. Her hand rested on the knob, she took a breath. Their eyes met over her shoulder.

"I'll be home later."

She swung the door open and stepped out into the night. Alastor trailed after her, the snow sinking into his socks. It was cold, a terrible night.

"Y/n, you'll die!"

"Do you truly have that little faith in me!?" she spun around, her rage radiating off of her, devouring everything in sight.

Alastor had never seen her like this before. He halted in his tracks.

"Please, I can't..." he took a deep breath, emotions had always been a struggle, "I can't loose you too."

"But I'm supposed to loose my brother and know who did it and do nothing?!" she screamed back at him.

"You will die!"

Y/n turned her back on him once again. She unlatched the gate to the garden and slipped through it, letting it fall shut behind her.

"So be it."

"Y/n!"

Alastor tried to run after her but, it was simply too cold. His limbs were numb, he stumbled.

"Y/n!" he yelled again but, she didn't turn around.

He could see her, in that red dress. She looked like she did the first time he had ever met her as she disappeared into the night. He knew it was his mind playing tricks on him, it felt like an omen.

Alastor stood in the cold for a few minutes longer before resigning himself to the truth of it all: Y/n was going to do what she was going to do. He just had to hope she would come back, that the damage he had done in refusing to back her up like that wouldn't be enough to have driven her away. That she was strong enough to make it out alive.

The fireplace crackled invitingly. No matter how warm and cheerful it made the room, Alastor couldn't stop the dread. He sat down on the couch before it, painfully aware of the empty spot beside him. He tried to read.

The hours ticked by, seconds dragging on for eternity. Still, Y/n was not yet home. Alastor couldn't focus on anything. He couldn't 't read, couldn't sleep, could barely sit still. He paced circles around the room as the sun rose, he called in sick to work, intent on being there should she return.

When it reached four pm, when it had been nearly twenty full hours since she had left, he decided to go out and look for her. Y/n had always been messy, always bad at putting things away. While normally it had irritated him to no end, he now found himself grateful. He swore to whatever gods were listening that if she was alright, he would never bother her about it again because right there on top of her desk were all her plans, including the exact location of the gang's hideout, the exact place she had disappeared to.

The sight that met Alastor when he reached the old warehouse on the outskirts of the city was one he would never forget. Blood stained the snow red and there were bodies everywhere, both outside and within. It was clearly, Y/n's handiwork and he couldn't help but feel a tad impressed, he had underestimated her yet again. His slight smile, a result of the realization, fell as he spotted the footprints leading out of the backdoor.

He had tracked Y/n enough times to know they were hers, they couldn't be anyone else's. A trail of blood accompanied them, one foot dragging more than the other. Alastor tried to keep his head clear, his mind cool. He gave chase.

The back yard to the warehouse was large, gave the impression of going right off into the woods. Alastor soon realized that was not the case as the rusted, wrought iron fence came in to view. Y/n wouldn't have been able to see it. Judging by the way the tracks were iced over, it had been a long time since she had walked this path. In the dead of night, surrounded by trees, the fence would have come as a surprise.

As he got closer, the lump that he had assumed was a fallen branch came into more detail. Alastor's heart stopped, he rushed to her.

If only he hadn't waited, if only the minute he had felt she'd been gone too long he had gone after her. He might have been able to save her, to stop her from this cruel fate.

What had happened was obvious. The fence was iced over, slippery to the touch. Y/n had evidently tried to climb over it and lost her grip, the force of her fall being enough to ram the sharpened edge of one of the fence's defensive points right through her temple. Wrong place, wrong time.

Alastor had never cried like that before, as he sat in the snow at her feet, her body stiff from the cold. Not even when his mother had died could he ever remember feeling such a grief. It ate away at him, pooling in the center of his chest and spreading out. She had been so integral to who he was, so much a part of his life and way of being. She had been his dream, his end goal. Alastor remembered the ring, sitting heavy in the drawer of his night table. His tears redoubled.

By the time he managed to calm himself, the early winter sun had long since sunk to its bed and been replaced by the moon. Moving completely on autopilot, not considering his actions, Alastor wrenched her body from the fence. Y/n deserved a proper burial, in a place that mattered. He made her final resting place at the base of the very same tree she had told him she loved him while sitting at. His fingers traced their carved initials, grown hard with the years. There was nothing to be done.

The guilt ate away at him, festered over the years. If only he had stopped her, had gone with her, had come to her rescue. If only he had told her that he loved her one last time.

When Y/n awoke in Hell, to say she was surprised would be an understatement. She had never been one to believe in the afterlife in any sort of way, let alone such a wonderful one with so many opportunities for mayhem.

The thing that had been the toughest to get used to was her new form. All the demons in Hell got them upon arrival and when she caught that first glimpse of herself in the glass of a shop window, she understood why everyone on the streets seemed to be eyeing her fearfully.

She looked like she was rotting, her fingertips and toes black from the cold she had lost herself in. It trailed up her limbs, mingling with her own natural skin color. Her hair, her eye lashes, her eyebrows even, looked perpetually frosted with snow, little particles of ice hanging delicately in them. Then there were the horns and the tail, those were by far the strangest. The horns were pure white and curving like a mountain goats, the tail was thin with a little heart shaped ball of fluff at the end. It wasn't until another demon attempted to attack her that she realized the full extent of the changes that had taken place.

Y/n had just tried to punch the man, that was all. He had made advances, she had said no. He had tried again and she had told him she was married. It wasn't entirely a lie, they had been planning on it after all. Still, the man refused to listen and so, she had resorted to brute strength. When she had pulled her fist away, it was to find the man encased in ice. That was when the anger had set in.

Y/n didn't blame Alastor, not really. She was mad at him but, in the end, he had been right. She had died. It was all so brutally unfair. The way they had left things, that final fight, weighed on her soul. She wondered if he even knew she was dead, if he just assumed she had up and left him. The guilt, the what if's of it all, were crushing.

The stronger Y/n's emotions, the more uncontrollable her power. She still attacked people for fun but, taking over half of Pentagram City with her storms had honestly been an accident. In retrospect, she would call it a happy one.

Y/n liked being respected, being feared. She liked the near worship with which the smaller, weaker demons began to treat her. She settled into her new life with surprising ease and soon, every demon and hellborn in the place knew her name: Frost.

Y/n would've liked something different, preferred something cooler but, when the people give someone a name, its hard to change it and so, she embraced the title. Stone cold, cruel, powerful and appearing at what others perceived as totally inopportune moments. She locked herself, her heart, away. She swore never to make the same mistakes again.

Alastor visited Y/n's grave at least once every year. Always on the anniversary of her death, sometimes more frequently. That was where he too had met his death. As he had stooped low to place the bouquet of flowers he had brought on the surface of the hard-packed earth, the hunter had shot him, thinking he was a deer.

His arrival in Hell had been uneventful and not all together shocking. Alastor had been raised in a Christian household and although he never truly had faith in the matter once he had been old enough to form his own opinions, he had still always assumed that if there was life after death he was going to end up in Hell. He also knew that if he had ended up down here, Y/n had too.

The search was all consuming and fruitless. Every demon he interrogated, every one he thought had the slightest spark of his love within them, never had a single clue what he was talking about. Half the city was a snow storm and before long, that half was the only part he hadn't searched. Allegedly it was the territory of some new overlord known only as Frost who had taken Hell by storm - literally - just a few years before. Alastor already had a distaste in his mouth for the overlords, a sort of hatred spawned from something close to envy. He figured that worst case scenario, he could just add this Frost character to the list over overlords he had already taken out in the year since his arrival.

The chill of the air as he stepped over the border was a cruel reminder of the truth of his life. Alastor welcomed the cold with open arms, wondered if Y/n had already been killed since arriving in Hell. He had heard of the exterminations, it wasn't too wild of an idea. The thought gnawed on his mind like a parasite, intent on seeing him dead. Alastor progressed.

The fact that in death he still felt such things as hunger had been a mystery to him. There was something poetic about it, something forlorn in the idea that hunger and touch were the only things that followed a person to their grave. He stepped into the restaurant, his stomach growling, and walked up to the bar.

"Do you have beignets?"

Alastor knew the answer before the barkeep even shook his head. He sighed, falling on to one of the stools.

"Sausage and grits."

"Coming right up."

Alastor tapped his fingers on the counter, watching the world around him. Hope was running thin, anxieties and hurt taking over. He didn't know how much longer he could keep this up, how much more disappointment he could take.

"Haven't seen you around before, Darling," a voice purred from behind him, sending shockwaves of pain through his chest, "new in town?"

He summoned his microphone into his hand, ready to fight. It didn't matter that the demon most likely had no idea the effect of their words, the connections they had to his own past life. All that mattered was that he felt like he was being mocked, the world was parroting his life back to him because Y/n was out of his reach and probably would be forever more. He turned to face the person, a sickening grin spread tight across his face.

The demon had a clearing around her, the crowd avoiding her at all costs and whispering to one another behind the cover of their hands. Her tail flicked back and forth, ice emanating from the place her feet hit the floor.

There was something oddly familiar about her, the cocky smirk, the confidence. Alastor got to his feet. He leered over her and the woman didn't flinch one bit.

"Who's asking?"

A threat. The smile on the smaller demon's face grew, snow beginning to pile up on the floor in the corners of the room.

"You know, it's really far too cruel of you to go around with a voice like that." she hummed thoughtfully, a finger to her chin, "Gets a girl's hopes up just to shatter 'em on the floor."

Alastor could feel it now, the cold nipping at his extremities. Wind picked up in the indoor space and demons began rushing out through the door as quickly as they could. Alastor stood his ground.

"Ah, so you're the one responsible for this little snow town?"

"Why yes, I am."

"You're rather cruel yourself, you know." he mused, "Using my own words against me, how did you know? Do you overlords have some way to read a person's mind? Find the center of their desire and turn it to a weapon?"

Only now did the woman's expression change. Her calm facade morphed into confusion as the winds died down.

"What do you mean?"

"'Haven't seen you around here before, Darling, new in town?'" Alastor scoffed.

Y/n's eyes widened with a sudden recognition. It only fueled Alastor's anger as he took a step forward, shadows rising from the ground at his feet.

"I-"

"Just moved in, actually." the demon cut him off, holding a hand out for him to take, palm to the floor.

Alastor looked at her, disgust etched into his features.

"How could you..." he trailed off.

Eyes flicking over her form, Alastor examined the demoness carefully. Sure, she was different. She looked half dead, frost bitten to the extreme but, there was certainly something familar.

"Who are..."

His eyes narrowed with suspicion. Slowly, he took her hand in his. It was icy to the touch, sent shivers down his spine. With a practiced grace, he leaned down and planted a feathery kiss on the back of her hand.

"Ah, a charmer." Y/n smiled as he raised his head to hers again, "I'll have to be careful around you."

"Y/n."

It wasn't a question, he knew the answer. Alastor could feel it in his bones.

"Alastor."

She threw her arms around his neck, pulling him close. Alastor watched her movements in astonishment. Disbelief laid thick on his body, too heavy to allow him to move.

"I'm so sorry." she whispered into his ear, her breath a cold breeze.

"I... why are you sorry?" he asked, pulling her away from him.

Alastor placed his hands on her shoulders, brushing off a bit of snow that had landed there with utmost care.

"I'm the one who's sorry. I should have come with you, I shouldn't have said the things I said, I sh-"

"I love you."

She couldn't hold the words in anymore. Icicles of tears tinkled like glass as they fell from her cheeks and landed on the floor.

"I... I love you, Alastor. I can't... I always regretted... I..."

"Me too."

He pulled her back into his arms, this time holding her body tightly to his. The cold burned but he didn't care. The whistling of the wind outside seemed to quiet.

"I love you so much, Y/n. I am so sorry."

"I'm so sorry."

Y/n pulled back, cupping Alastor's face in her hands.

"Never again."

"Never what, my love."

"Never again will I be parted from you."

"I thought I'd never see you again." Alastor admitted, "I was beginning to lose hope."

"Me too, me too."

"Never again."

----

Next Part -> Day Lilies (Alastor x Blizzard demon!Reader x Angel!OC)

A/N I am such a little slut for a good reunion scene.

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mournings-stars · 2 months

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hopefully this isnt too much but how would the gals ((i mean all the hazbin hotel gals if you are willing)) react to you being ovverstimmed? likke the reader has autism and everything in the moment is too much for them how would everyone react and handle the issue? sorry if the spellingn sucks but as someone who has autism id love to see more of some around an autisic reader?

i rly love this ask!! thanks for taking time to chat with me ab it<3 i wrote from a mix of my experience with being overstimulated and some of what we chatted ab but here u go! i didn’t include all the girls but i hope u like :)

charlie

she has a pair of headphones ready for you whenever youre going somewhere where it might be too loud after a while

has a playlist of your favorite songs to help relax

doesn’t bug you, just asks if you want headphones and smiles when you’re shocked that she brought them

“i also made a playlist — or four — i really like this one because…” then she’d have to remind herself that she can over explain it later and handed over her phone

if you got irritable or didn’t want to talk she’d understand but she’d definitely hold your hand if you were okay with it (shes all about reassurance)

vaggie

she is very aware when things get to be too much for you

“do you wanna go?” if you nodded she’d gladly leave with you but if you said no she’d give you some other options since it can sometimes be hard to articulate what would help

she of course knows what helps you calm down the most, so she’ll give you those options and let you pick

you’re definitely trading in your waited blanket for her wings once she has them back

rosie

she can also tell when things are getting to be too much

say you go to one of cannibal towns many music nights, if thing are getting hectic she’ll have them tone it down before it gets to be too much

of course things can just come on (seemingly) out of the blue though, so whenever that happens she’ll take you home if you want to leave, make you both some tea after getting you your favorite blanket to wrap yourself in, and put some soft jazz on her old radio

if you’re a little snippy with her (i get extremely irritable when im overstimulated) she’ll back off, make sure there aren’t any harsh lights to bother you and check in later

emily

i hc that em probably gets overstimulated too at times being a younger seraphim and all that so she definitely knows how to help

if you’re walking down the promenade and she can tell you’re getting overstimmed, fidgeting, itching, just seeming overall uncomfortable, she’ll offer her headphones and if it’s okay she’ll put a wing around you to help you feel a little more secure

she’d definitely be the type to have every single option available so if you like to have something to do with your hands to help you relax, dont worry she has anything you could possibly want

definitely owns several weighted blankets so dont worry about that either

gives plenty of options but not too many at a time cause she knows that could be overwhelming

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smrtnik07 · 1 month

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librarians redesigned!!! by me!!! :)

the designs are free to use, i used this as a character design exercise for myself while recovering from carpal tunnel issues! read more for all the individual designs + me ranting :*

first off roland!! i included an angelica in here, i designed her before him, shes very triangular to me.. maybe a bit more messed up than roland tells us about, he is a biased narrator afterall. anyways i wanted his design to match hers nicely, so hes like a rounded square type of guy... i think projmoon designed him to be Just A Guy intentionally, so i played into it. overall the least interesting design of the bunch imo. its on purpose :)

angela !!! my baby :) an important thing here is her bangs. i dont want her hair to be able to recover from however many years she spent with the hard middle part in lobcorp, i think its cute to incorporate it still. swoopy, fluffy hair for her! and the clothes are just a bit more casual idk the librarian uniforms were kinda boring and stiff to me, as much as it does go with her character.. if u wanna be human u gotta experience the joy of sweatpants or whatever. also i didnt add color but i dont want her to be fully white<3 or fully clear skinned.. give her sunspots on her face. she finally gets to experience sun. :)

guess ill go in order of appearance lol. malkuth! whats the headband for if it doesnt keep anything out of her face!! since shes a bit more active than some of her colleagues, i also gave her a ponytail(its also for the silhouette...) also gave her some chubbier thighs.. also maybe a butler-esque coat, at least to me; i just made it a bit more form fitting than the original. playing into her personality or whatever. shes cute.. remember to take deep breaths!!

yesod!! i want to play into the skin issues a bit more, i still removed his gloves but i gave him a poncho, not just for the square silhouette im trying to build but for more coverage. also emo hair over eyes was funny. also wide flare pants for you, boy. just very square and put together in general

hod! this ones my favorite (i even cared enough to give her a pattern on that skirt!!) it was kinda bugging me how in the artbook i couldnt tell who was writing because hod's, malkuth's, and tiphereth's colors are so similar. so hod is pink now, and malkuth a bit more orange. i kinda went for a romantic poet thing here, dunno how much that worked out, but i think out of everyone you can tell shes the literature girl. gave her pigtails !! theyre cute :> also since i removed the coat decoration off of angela, i gave part of it to hod in the bottom of her coat :). cute and round!

netzach is a very strange man to me.. ellipse shape and loose fitting clothes for u. if i saw him irl i wouldnt approach him. not to say i dont like him as a character, i love him, but i want him to look like a depressed guy who would pick up art as a hobby to distract himself and it works. bro is just surviving out there. also gave him comfy clothes to make the surviving easier, down to the shoes and wide, id assume non-denim pants - maybe cotton? maybe sweatpants that dont fit around the ankle? who knows.

tiphereth!! since she's like the teen girl of the group i gave her a skater dress, converse, and a tied coat around her waist.. like how i used to wear as a teen when i was being a hater and recovering from a death in the family that changed my entire life (im still a teen ... 9 more days till im 20 as of posting this). also gave her fishnets i think she would like that. i imagine she would get headaches bc of those dumb braids on her head<3 or maybe bc her coworkers are kinda dumb<3

gebura :) round face, reverse triangle shaped body.. like a true butch lesbian stereotype.. i decided a leather jacket, docs and pants i see metalheads wear would fit her! red leather jacket, of course. also gave her spiky hair just like projmoon did<3 my favorite detail here are the eyebrows, i think their shape is rlly neat! nvm i think its just that gebura is rlly neat. anyways the eyebrows fit her

chesed my boy.. idk i just saw him and hit him with the transmasc beam and gave him , as the kids say, wh0re eyes. i wanted him to have rounder hips and just be round in general. turtleneck and cardigan combo also, i think he would like wearing that. also somewhat curlier hair, or at least wavy would do him well! and a tote bag, i dont doubt that he would go out to read in coffee shops if he could - so he gets a tote bag to carry his sociology books. i want him to look like he would give the warmest, comfiest hugs and be friend shaped

binah!! this one was the most challenging, trying to find the right place for the colors - to not use too little or too much yellow. i still dont think i got it right but this is as close as im getting. long face, long nose, siren-ish eyes.. messed up in the head bird lady that speaks like hannibal! i also dont think a dress really suits her so i opted for wide pants and a fancy black button up .. maybe angela styled her, who knows. also black fingertips which is a trait i like to give the arbiters (including an oc).. just my own little consistency thing i like to do :)

hi grandpa! ok for hokma i dont think the changes are that big? i gave him O shaped legs and his sword thing i turned into a walking cane, gave him a vest (didnt want to opt for a corset but i think he would enjoy the back support for proper posture) . also gave him a mild gradient from darker gray to lighter gray, since he IS the gray part of the ABC trio. gave him salt and pepper hair and an older face. forgot to draw it, but i wanted to give him a silicone tip for the sword so it doesnt dull out, which he can take off when recieving guests

honorary mention to go along with the angelica i mentioned with roland, i mildly changed up her twin(k) brother. i gave argalia and angie the same hair but mirrored, his a bit more curly and hers a bit more spikey, his face a bit more edgy, hers a bit rounder and kinder. not much else to say here, i liked his design as is, but wanted to add him here :)

#library of ruina #project moon #art i made #big project done wooo ! :) im proud of myself for setting a goal and sticking to it. are you proud of me. tell me youre proud of me

108 notes · View notes

smashingdollz · 1 year

Note

Headcanons of Giyuu, Rengoku, Gojo, and Nanami react to shy crush confessing to him?

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hello anon, thank you for the request! i can do that.

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𝐆𝐢𝐲𝐮𝐮

-Shinobu definitely teased you about your crush on Giyuu, "how could you like Tomioka out of all people?" yet she also teased you into confessing to him. (she still wanted to support you)

-when youre confessing you arent actually intimidated by him, even if he is just starring at you quietly waiting for your confession to end so he could return your feelings. he actually has this aura that somehow calms you even if youre in a situation that should make you extremely nervous. of course youre still stuttering, but not as much.

-as youre confessing he feels extremely warm inside. ever since he joined the Demon Slayer Corp he has been constantly surrounded by hate, but he gets a break whenever hes around you. he just wants to embrace you and feel that way all the time.

-the way you shyly praise him is what keeps him going. you in general is one of the main reasons he keeps going, he wants to live a quiet happy life with you. and he would do anything he can to obtain that.

-and he verbally expresses that; he walks over, and gently places his hand on the back of your head to bring you closer to him. "as long as your by my side ill do anything to protect you, so we could live a peaceful life"

-Shinobu teases the hell out of both of you. whith Giyuu its way worse though 💀 but overall everyone is completely shocked that the two of you ended up together. a couple of people asked if you were okay when they heard the news.

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𝐑𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐨𝐤𝐮

-you could not meet this mans gaze, you would honestly look anywhere but his eyes. he would notice this and would take your fidgeting hands into his which automatically sends a comforting warmth through your body.

-he boldly, and loudly accepts your confession. and very boldly praises you. "I LIKE YOU TOO Y/N!", "YOU LOOK EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL/HANDSOME TODAY!". the more he praises you the more hes slowly breaking you, he doesnt mean to of course, please forgive him.

-he does find your shy demeanor quite interesting though, since hes always been confident an loud. he does try to get you out of your comfort zone at times, but if you dont want to he respects your boundaries and maybe gives it another try some other time, he just wants to raise your confidence a bit and wants you to see yourself the same way he sees you.

-after that day hes always by your side, you insist that he can go do whatever he wants but hes always say "THATS FINE! ID PREFER TO STAY BY YOUR SIDE FOREVER!" he just wants to make sure your safe! whenever someone talking over you he speaks up for you! or he announces that you have something important to say.

-Mitsuri squeals every time she sees the two of you. she thinks the two of you are so cute together, especially because the two of ypu are polar opposites.

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𝐆𝐨𝐣𝐨

-at this point im praying for you and getting your casket ready. he would absolutely teas the hell out of you till youre red in the face and pass out- then when you wake up hell refer to himself as your "savior" jk jk, but honestly please be prepared for a lot of teasing during and after your confession.

-when you get nervous and start fidgeting during your confession he turns off his force field (its been so long i forgot what its called, infinite?) so he could comfort you. (he makes it extremely worse 😍) but honestly the fact that he turned off his ability just to comfort you is so cute. you know that scene when he held that curses hand? yeah he did that with you.

-he takes in your quiet praises and hod them close. sure he loves all the praises he gets, but he especially loves them from you, what you say about him is the only thing he cares about. and just like how you boost his ego, he makes sure to boost yours as well

-"you know, youre extremely cute when youre bold, i guess thats one of many reasons why i like you. but when you act shy youre even cuter!" MANS CANNOT LET YOU BREATHE FOR A MINUTE- he definitely shows you off and you become apart of the silly shenanigans he pulls.

-his students are totally kicking their feet and giggling at the fact that their teacher is getting confessed to. yet some of them are wondering why and how this man is getting confessed to and how someone like you can like him. they send you their best wishes and "get well soon" cards 💀 youre gonna boost this mans ego, but thats okay, anything for this man and his beautiful eyes.

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𝐍𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢

-he is extremely patient with you. "theres no need to rush in. please, take your time." he knows you act like this around everyone, but he wants you to be comfortable around him. he wants you to feel what he feels when hes around you, you make him feel extremely warm, and whenever your around him you make him forget about this job that he hates so much.

-if youre still struggling with your words he stops you, "thats okay, you dont have to say any more, because no matter what you say ive already decided that ill spend my life with you" thats when you fell in love with him all over again. hes so considerate with how you feel, and he doesn't make you go out of your way if you dont want to. he wants to give you a happy comfortable life.

-he doesnt mind the way you act at all, even though to others you may seem childish or insecure. he knows its something thats normal and doesnt bash you for it, he would rather worry anout you (and Yuji) than anything else.

-you guys cannot catch a break with Gojo, he would be teasing the hell out of both of you. youd just be standing there all flustered as this man goes on and on and Nanami is just staring at him like 😐 Yuji thinks the two of you are absolutely cute together though!

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i hope you like these, it was really fun to come up with them. i absolutely love Gojos and Nanamis parts. thank you for requesting!

736 notes · View notes

hyuckbeam · 1 year

Text

try again

things don’t seem to be going the way you’ve been wanting them to go the entire week. to make things even worse than they already are, your boyfriend (or rather ex-boyfriend) dumped you in front of the entire campus. you can’t seem to lift yourself up and try again — well, that is until he comes into your life.

pairing | college barista!jeno x college student!reader

genre | fluff, angst, college au

warnings + notes | afab!reader, a bit of cursing, ex-bf being a red flag, mentions of alcohol, roomie!ningning, that’s p much it!

wc | 5.1k words

a/n | im super duper excited to finally release this chapter of the tttc series!! personally, i just like the overall flow of this one and i hope u do too!! let me know what u think abt it :> as always, rbs, likes, and feedback are appreciated!

song recs | all 4 nothing - lauv, the loneliest time - carly rae jepsen, tfw (that feeling when) - enhypen

tttc m.list, main m.list

the first time you met him was seriously by coincidence.

your stomach had you hurling for the past few days, not to mention how sore you were from phys-ed class yesterday. you still remember asking your coach to let you off the hook for the day, but they denied your request – oh well, they were never a great teacher anyways, you think to yourself. your own boyfriend hadn't even checked up on you once to ask if you were doing alright. it’s not like you were going to burden him or anything… you just wanted a little bit of reassurance to get you through the week. was that so much to ask for?

as if all odds were finally in your favor, a light buzz from your phone snaps you out of your thoughts. you pick it up to see your boyfriend’s caller id. maybe this was it. maybe the gods finally heard your pleas to make life just a teensy bit bearable for you.

“hey, i think we should meet up for a moment. do you have time?” is the first thing he’s told you all week and for some reason, instead of the comfort you were anticipating, all you felt was sheer annoyance. not even a simple how are you? the lack of emotion he’s displayed just breaks your heart even more than it already is.

you still manage to reply, mimicking his dry tone instinctively. “yeah, where?” it's faint, but you’d be lying if you said there wasn’t a little hope in you. maybe he wants to meet in person to give you a hug, maybe a kiss? you desperately want that to be true.

“at the campus open grounds, you know, the one near that coffee shop?” he suggests through the call and you once your head despite him not even being able to see you. “okay, i’ll see you then.”

you couldn’t even believe he just asked if you knew where the open grounds were located. doesn’t he remember that’s the place he asked you out? perhaps it was an important event only to you. the thought manages to send a dry chuckle out your throat — it already didn’t seem like your little meetup with him was going to be of any help to your mood.

not much time had passed by the time you arrived at the chosen spot, setting your sights on a nearby bench to rest your feet as you waited.

a lot of people crowded the grounds today. it wasn’t usually this jam-packed, but you suppose the bright and sunny weather encouraged people to roam around outside. after all, the sky hadn’t been this pretty shade of vibrant blue in a while. you’re thankful the weather is good — at least something seems to be turning out well today.

your boyfriend arrives, albeit later than expected, even though he was the one who asked you to come out in the first place. you had been scorched by the sun’s rays for over ten minutes now, wanting nothing more than to just head back indoors.

“sorry i uh… took a while. i’ll make this short.” he states awkwardly, a bit too much considering you were dating. “i’m breaking up with you. i just fell out of love, you know that feeling, right?” your relationship was never the best, this was inevitably going to happen someday, but hearing it out loud was what did it for you.

out loud… wait. you look around to find practically everyone around you whispering to themselves, watching the scene between you and your boyfriend unfold — eating it up like it's the plot of a famous drama.

the shame, the anger, the embarrassment, you just wanted to get away from it all. the hope you gained earlier was all an illusion. your days weren’t going to get any better as the week just became like the stuff that comes out of nightmares. you utterly felt sick to the bottom of your stomach. not only did you get dumped, you got dumped in front of so many people.

without saying another word to your boyfriend — or should you say ex-boyfriend — you grab your things and take a run towards the nearest alleyway that just happened to be the one at the back of the coffee shop.

you crouch down to the floor, curling up into yourself as best as you could before finally letting emotions overtake you, just enough to calm you down. surely no one would find you here if you let out a tear or two, right?

wrong. whoever put that idea to your brain was a big dumbass (whoever being you) because a boy emerges through the shop’s backdoor and into the alleyway, presumably taking out the trash since he’s holding a familiar-looking black plastic bag. however, he quickly stops in his tracks, noticing your presence when there was usually no one else there. the alley was pretty dark after all – it gave most people the creeps but here you were, willingly occupying a small portion of the horrid area while bawling your eyes out. “um… i don’t usually do this, but do you want a cup of hot chocolate?” the guy offers, rubbing his nape sheepishly after noticing your tear-stained cheeks.

you can’t help but silently thank him for not bringing up your appearance in the conversation. you probably looked like a disheveled tomato by now, prompting you to wipe your tears with your arm to at least make yourself look presentable. “actually… yeah, that would be nice.”

you got a better look at him now that you were seated in the cafe, the warm lighting easing your nerves little by little. as expected of him, there’s a welcoming aura that surrounds his figure, a calm smile that’s sure to brighten up anyone’s day (including yours), a tiny little mole below his eye, and the shiniest hair that made you want to touch it — that probably wasn’t the most appropriate thought you’ve had all day.

what you didn’t expect was that he’d actually give that cup of hot chocolate free of charge. you didn’t even know who he was (and probably vice versa). still, it made you gain back a little bit of hope that was lost. with a soft smile now spread across your lips, you begin to ponder that maybe today could still turn out to be better for you.

-0-

the rest of your day goes better than anticipated, and you’re beginning to think that barista you met at the coffee shop is some sort of miracle worker or a lucky charm. even if he wasn’t, you sure do feel lucky you ran into him – though the situation wasn’t exactly the most ideal in hindsight. still, the thought manages to keep your spirits high all the way until you reach back to your dorm.

“ning yizhuo!” your sudden call turns two heads in the room, one being the said person, and the other being her cousin, renjun. the latter often came by and you were quite used to his presence and practically saw him as a brother.

“oh no, not the government name!” a sarcastic tone laces your roommate’s voice. truthfully, she had already heard about your breakup and was expecting you to be bawling your eyes right about now… except… you weren’t. in fact, you had a beaming smile displayed for everyone to see. weird – renjun had probably thought the exact same thing as they gave each other identical looks.

this goes completely unnoticed by you, dropping your bags before making yourself comfortable by the couch. “seriously, you guys won’t believe what happened earlier.”

“... you got dumped?” renjun voices out slowly, almost as if he’s testing the waters still.

“no! i mean yes, but that’s not what i was going to talk about.”

“why aren’t we talking about that? your ex was a douche- i can finally talk shit about him!” ningning cheers.

renjun clears his throat, “more importantly though, are you really fine?”

his words linger in your head for a bit. were you really okay? genuinely speaking, you didn’t feel much – probably because you expected your relationship to fall out eventually. both of you wanted different things and came to realize that. there was an underlying feeling of gratitude that your ex finally cut through the cracks of your bond, but you could definitely do without all the public shame though. that might continue to haunt you, but what’s done, was done.

“mhm, i’m really fine. i’ll get over him sooner or later.” you answer softly. both renjun and ningning could tell you were certain, silently agreeing within themselves to drop the topic completely. “but gosh, i probably wouldn’t have been able to make it through the day if it weren’t for that barista guy in the coffee shop.

you see renjun’s ears visibly perk up at the mention of a barista there, like he already knew who you were referring to. “do you mean the guy who works there? y’know, the one who kind of looks like a fluffy white dog and has a mole under his eye?” god, was he spot on with the description too.

“that’s him!” you gasp out, still in slight shock. you suppose renjun frequents the shop – especially since that’s where he and his girlfriend go to study. “huang renjun, are you psychic?”

that seems to bring out a snort in him, “you just knew that now?” he remarks rather playfully, “actually, his name is jeno. we’ve been friends for a pretty long while now.”

ah, so his name is jeno. you wouldn’t tell anyone, but you mayhaps ingrained that piece of information straight to your heart.

the second time you met him, you just wanted to see him one more time after.

ever since you learned about his name from renjun, he seemed to pop up in almost every conversation you engaged with. was he always this popular or were you just really ignorant to the people around you? it’s crazy how much you’ve been thinking about him ever since.

“put a finger down if you’ve gotten butterflies from a stranger!” frankly, you’re startled at the command, forgetting that you were in the middle of a ‘never have i ever’ game with your group of friends. jeno just so happened to be there too since your friend groups actually aligned well within each other. with him personally being around, you couldn’t seem to focus on anything except him. it’s the nudge ningning aims at your shoulder that gets you placing a finger down, remembering you’re still part of the game. you suppose your brief interaction with jeno does count as part of this…

this small action had the entire group cooing. it was a bit overwhelming, not knowing what to do when so many eyes were set on you. wanting to brush it off, you simply give a shy smile to the crowd, persuading them to not go any further and just continue on with the game. luckily, that’s exactly what they do and you’re met with sweet relief – finally letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in the first place.

still, your gaze shifts back at jeno. had he realized you were the person that bawled their eyes out in the back alleyway of the coffee shop? had he realized you were the one he offered a free cup of hot chocolate to? had he realized you were staring at him like he held the entire universe in his hands?

but most importantly, had you realized he was looking back at you the same way? no? maybe that’s for the best.

the air was getting too stuffy in the room for your liking, you had to excuse yourself out for some fresh air. it was already pretty dark out and you weren’t sure when your friends would finally call it a night. frankly, the breeze was much colder now (and you kind of regret not bringing a jacket out), but at the same time it was calming and quiet – a sharp contrast to the lively atmosphere held inside.

that serene silence was cut off by the faint sound of footsteps coming from the main door, jeno’s figure coming into view. what was he doing out here?

“hey… inside got too much, huh?” guess you and him share that opinion as you nod in agreement.

“a little?” your nose scrunches up at the thought. “i don’t usually mind it but it does get me swamped sometimes.”

a small hum is what comes out as a reply, the both of you opting for the comfortable silence the night bears. a few ruffling sounds are heard coming from jeno and before you could ask him what was making the noise, you felt warmth embrace you from behind. it was a jacket. not just any jacket, his jacket.

“sorry, did i startle you? it’s just, you looked cold.” truth be told, you were far from cold after his gesture. isn’t this something someone would do when they’re in a relationship? why was jeno doing this… with you?

it was then you unconsciously already had your mind made up. you weren’t going to acknowledge it yet, but you were completely over your ex.

-0-

there was absolutely no chance of you getting sleep that night, especially after the events beforehand. though you enjoyed every moment you spent with jeno, you kinda preferred having a full night’s worth of sleep right about now. it’s a good thing ningning was able to grace you with a cup of coffee as soon as you woke up — you don’t think you would have gotten out of bed otherwise.

“seriously, what’s up with you two!” ningning squints her eyes with suspicion glazed over them, trying to get some sort of answer regarding your situation with jeno.

“it’s not what you think it is.”

“then what is it?”

huh. she had a point there. just what is your relationship with lee jeno? it was a little foggy to yourself as well. the both of you never had much conversations, but when you did, they managed to send cupid arrows straight to your heart without fail. this was so much unlike your past relationship. when was the last time you ever felt this way?

“it’s just small conversations, that’s all it is.” you finally reply, words acting more like a reminder to yourself rather than an actual response to ningning’s query.

“is that really true?” your roommate frowns with a sigh, “you know, i noticed the way he looks at you. it’s different from others.”

“you’re probably mistaking his kindness for something else, ning. i doubt this’ll even lead to anything.” your statement is brief, but ningning manages to catch the light thread of hope in your words, understanding you wished it would lead to more. that’s all she needed to know. she knew better than to push you just to ease her own mind from the heapload of questions she has stored away.

“just know, whatever happens, i’ll always support you, okay?” she smiles brightly like the gentle rays of sunshine that slip through your dorm’s sill curtains. “okay.”

the third time you met him, you wished for nothing more but to remain in his company.

it’s just midday and you already feel like falling asleep. naturally, your feet bring you to the campus coffee shop, not registering the fact that jeno’s probably working his shift. in this moment, you were too sleep deprived to care.

“hi, can i get one chocolate chip frappucino-” you finally look up to see jeno’s familiar face right in front of you, recallings of the night before plaguing your thoughts and sending a surge of adrenaline in your body. suddenly, you were wide awake and could probably last the whole day with or without the coffee you were about to purchase.

“y/n, it’s nice to see you.” he greets softly, eyes scanning your features to find dark bags staining your usually lively eyes. “i think i’ll add another shot of espresso to your drink… you might need it.” he mutters out, more so to himself.

you can’t help but smile, finding his slight worry for your well-being to be endearing. “i’ll add that espresso shot then.” you chuckle, catching him off guard as he didn’t expect you to hear him.

“i’ll make sure to prepare your drink well.” he finally replies, punching in your order as you move to find a seat to occupy while you wait.

it doesn’t take long for jeno to approach your table, a drink with a swirly straw in hand. to your surprise, instead of simply dropping off the drink, he takes the seat in front of yours before setting it down. “i’m actually on my break right now but i wanted to talk to you. i hardly see you on campus after all. aside from when you visit here, that is.” it’s almost laughable at how predictable your response is to anything he does, feeling your stomach gain the now familiar fluttery sensation you always experience. when it comes to him, it seems to never get old, but none of that was the main point.

he wanted to talk to you. he went out of his way for you. he could be spending his break time elsewhere, but he’s here with you. perhaps you were overanalyzing his actions, yet you can’t stop the heat that creeps up your cheeks.

“sure, take a seat- i mean, you already did but-”

he chuckles, a slip of a smile coming into view. “your drink by the way.” he motions at the sweet drink you ordered. “i added more chocolate chips for you too.”

“spoiling me now, are we?”

“you caught me!”

talking to him just felt so natural. there was never a dull moment, and when silence would fill up the air, it was never thick and heavy, but light and freeing. you quietly sip your drink to these thoughts, occasionally wondering if this would be what it felt like if you two started dating- you’re thinking too ahead for someone who hasn’t even come to terms with their own feelings. you should just enjoy your time with him.

-0-

since then, you and jeno have grown closer to the point where you frequently talk on the phone at night. neither of your paths often crossed during the day, so these calls definitely made up for that – at least for you. through them, you’ve come to learn that jeno usually plays video games until the crack of dawn, sometimes even streaming his screen for you to watch. tonight, you decided to prepare ramen for yourself so you had something to eat while watching him.

“what flavor are you making today?” his voice is a lot huskier than it usually is during the night.

though this isn’t something new to you, there’s still that cozy feeling that almost feels domestic, and sometimes, you can’t help but squeal to yourself and kick your feet in the air. ningning even asked if you were alright because she thought you had gone crazy after hearing you from her own room.

“i think this one is cheese flavored? i’m not really sure since ning buys our groceries.”

“you should prepare me some when i come over next time. i wanna try some too.”

did he want to come over? your mind immediately fills with the idea of jeno visiting your dorm (or humble abode as ningning likes to call it). he’s seen glimpses of it as your background when you’d facetime each other, but what would he think about seeing it in person? there’s that famous saying that your home reflects your personality, after all. you don’t realize it, but you go dead silent, completely encapsulated by your imagination.

“hello? you’re still there, right?” he calls out for you, it’s much softer this time as if he’s checking up on you in case something happened.

“yeah, yeah i’m here. come over next time, then.”

he does, in fact, come over as soon as he got the chance to. honestly, he resembled an eager golden retriever exploring a new area the entire time you showed him around your dorm, having only seen it through a screen. on some occasions, he would point out a random trinket you had on display, saying it looked like you. he said the same about your potted succulent and you’re not sure how you feel about that one, but nonetheless, he seemed to be enjoying himself and that’s all that mattered. you were practically worried over nothing the other night.

“didn’t you say you were going to prepare me a little treat too?” jeno questions, finally finished with going around the dorm room.

“hm? oh, right the ramen-” you recall, immediately taking a few steps to the kitchen to prepare what you had promised him. “make yourself comfortable, i won’t take long!” it really doesn’t take much to make instant ramen, after all.

once it finishes boiling, you carefully transfer it to one of those gold-colored, aluminum pots to keep the ramen warm – making sure to add a few toppings to the dish to make it a bit more filling.

you make your way to the living room, seeing jeno on his phone by the couch. there’s that domestic feeling worming its way up on you again that has you wondering how it’d be like if jeno was your boyfriend. would he come visit over often? would you be able to visit his dorm sometime? the thought continues to remain on your mind for the entirety of jeno’s stay.

you really wanted this moment to become just as frequent as your nightly calls with him.

the most recent time you met up with him, you finally acted on what you’ve been holding in all this time.

ningning had invited you out to a party, luring you in by slipping that a certain someone was also going to be there. all jokes aside, you knew she also just wanted you to have fun, it’s been a while since you’ve gone out to a party anyways.

the event wasn’t anything fancy, your average college party hosted by one of the frats. you wore a black mini dress, one you bought but never got the chance to use until now. it fit you perfectly in all the right areas, but it took a lot of convincing from ningning’s part for you to actually buy it. you surely had to thank her now or else you wouldn’t have anything to wear for tonight.

“you’re finally wearing it!” it seems you weren’t the only one excited to see yourself wearing the dress as your roommate’s eyes sparkle at your outfit. “here, here. i’m letting you borrow these too since they match.” she hands over a pair of black earrings made with sequins and glass beads. it looked perfect for the look.

“thanks, it isn’t too much, right?”

“not at all! plus, it’s a party. who cares what others think- what’s important is that you look good!”

this makes you let out a small laugh, she was right. she always is. “okay then, let’s go?”

“lets!” ningning takes her purse from the coffee table before linking her free arm around yours. “we should get going if we don’t want to be late.”

it’s a good thing you both left when you did since the two of you arrived just on time. the party had already started a few minutes ago with some people already wasted (they probably drank before everything even started…). it doesn’t take long for you and ningning to manage through the sea of people, finally spotting a couple of familiar faces by the corner of the room.

“hey, you two made it!” renjun beams alongside his girlfriend, a plastic red cup in hand containing who knows what. “oh y/n, jeno’s by the kitchen. he was asking where you were before you arrived.”

“oh? thanks jun, i’ll go see what’s up.” you offer him a small smile before leaving ningning’s side and trying to find where the kitchen was located. after a bit of roaming around, you eventually find the boy you’re looking for.

cheeks flushed, dazed eyes, and a lopsided expression. jeno was probably no where clear from sober by the looks of it. guess you weren’t going to drink today, especially when your friend isn’t in the right state of mind.

“jeno? renjun said you were looking for me.” you call out to him softly in hopes he could hear you through the music that’s blasting on the speaker system.

by the sound of your voice, his head quickly turns in your direction. “y/n! i’ve bween looking por you everywhere!” he immediately wraps his arms around your figure, burying his head in the crook of your neck. your cheeks have flushed now too, not from alcohol, but because of the way he’s hugging you.

you never imagined jeno to be big on skinship while under the influence – well, you’ve never dealt with a tipsy jeno in general until now, so this was truly going to be one hell of an experience.

“have you, really?” you question him, patting his hair. “i’m here now though. did you need me for something?”

you feel him nod against your shoulder, “i wanted to kiss you but you were nooowhere to be found, and then renjun gave me a drink, and then haechan started laughing, and then i started laughing-”

he was beginning to ramble off and probably won’t remember any of the things he’s telling you right now. would that also include how he just confessed he wanted to kiss you? you know jeno’s just drunk, but there’s a part of you that hopes he wouldn’t forget that. you urge him to stand up straight for a moment before letting him lean onto you for support. the best you could do was probably have him sit outside for some fresh air (and maybe a cup of water).

-0-

the two of you are now seated silently next to one another with jeno’s head resting on your shoulder, and it’s reminiscent of the first time you actually had a proper conversation with him. the night was just like this, and yet, so many things have happened already since then.

“hey, about what i said earlier…” oh, he sobers up rather quickly. “y’know, about the wanting to kiss you and all that.”

you turn to face him with a bittersweet expression, the nearby streetlamp placing a soft glow over your features and jeno wonders where that solemn look on your face is coming from. “hm? no it’s alright. i’m sure we all say things we don’t mean when we get drunk. it’s normal.”

“well no, because, i did mean it.”

“that’s okay- huh?”

“i like you, y/n.” although its dark, you know he’s staring at you, waiting for you to respond.

“i… i do too, but we just met like a month ago.” you hadn’t even come to terms with your own feelings yet. “wouldn’t we be, i don’t know, going a little too fast? maybe both of us aren’t currently in the right mind.”

“that just proves my point even more. in a mere month of us getting to knowing each other, i’ve come to learn so much about you, grown so fond of you, and… i just want to be with you. trust me, i had a lot of time to think, but if you need more time. i’ll wait for you.”

now you were conflicted. did you really need more time to understand your own emotions?it’s not like you hid your affection for the boy, instead, it was quite the contrary. people started looking for you through jeno and others asked you about jeno’s whereabouts. its as if you two were now two peas in a pod, and everyone knew. were you going to break something you cherished just because you felt like your emotions hadn’t been sorted, when in reality, have been perfectly laid out right in front of you all along?

“no. no need.” your eyes crease as you smile at him, “i know what i want, and it’s you. it’s always been you.”

he doesn’t need any more validation than this, snaking his arm around your waist before pulling you close, lips barely touching. “can i kiss you?”

“please.” you surely don’t need to tell jeno twice, wasting no time as he quickly locks your lips with his own in such a way that you’d think he’s been pining over you longer than you had originally thought. you hadn’t drank a drop the entire night, but you felt so giddy just kissing him.

jeno pulls away first, and you already feel breathless from such a short kiss. slowly, he brings a hand up to cup your cheek, thumb rubbing small, comforting circles onto your skin. “should we head back now?” honestly, you didn’t want to just yet, still unable to hide your smile from the lingering touch of his lips. still, you knew better than to stay out for too long.

“yeah, the others are probably wondering where we went.” and with that, he pulls himself off the ground, extending a hand out to help you get on your feet.

“let’s go back in… slowly, okay?” you giggle out, still wanting to cherish the moment with him.

“how could i say no to you?”

eventually, you do make it back into the party, quickly spotting your group of friends.

the sight of you both sporting puffy lips and rosy tinted cheeks, not to mention your lipstick smudged on the corner of jeno’s lips had everyone raising a brow. neither of you had noticed that because it was so dark out… um, oopsies?

ningning manages to connect all the dots together, a loud gasp erupting from her that startles the rest of the group. “OMG DON’T TELL ME! no wait actually please do confirm- PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE TOGETHER?”

you and jeno look at each other with a knowing look, feeling his hand reach out for yours before you happily reply, “yeah, we are.”

taglist | @haeravlgs, @matchahyuck, @vantxx95, @ahnneyong, @lixxbr0wnie, @legbouk, @rocarecs, @winwonies, @gfrdistance

— lmk through an ask if you’d like to be added!

tags !!

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femscottlang · 1 year

Text

The CPA and SSA- Part One

part one part two part three

Aaron Hotchner x Accountant! reader

Summary- The case they're currently working on has gotten bad, the unsub has been stalking the team and they need a safe place to stay. Luckily, Aaron has a girlfriend in Alexandria that he has yet to tell the team about.

Contents/ warnings; description of cases, a little bit of hurt/comfort, established relationship, just overall kinda fluffy and sweet :)

AN: I want to get back into writing and this is one of those maladaptive daydreams I use to fall asleep <33. I just love the idea of Aaron dating someone super stable and having a domestic little life. this is probably gonna be a 3 part series :)

Also if you're anything like me you love Zillow, this is the house I'm kinda basing this off of

Send me asks and requests! im happy to do blurbs on characters from CM and MCU :)

The team was split up into two SUVs. In the first, Aaron, Spencer, and Derek. The second, David, JJ, and Emily. Hotch furrowed his brows, weighing his options of where to take the team to be safe. They were all sleep deprived and hungry. He ran through the scenarios of a hotel, motel, cabin, safe house.

Finally, he thought of your place. The cozy mismatched furniture, the smell of spices always radiating, the music always quietly playing in the background. He let out a huff and glanced at Reid in the front seat, who called shotgun much to Derek’s dismay, before looking back at the road “Spencer, grab my phone and call the most recent number.” Spencer gave him a confused look, but obeyed the order. “Hey- uh, who's-” he was interrupted by a voice coming through the car speaker

It was a rather calm evening at your house. You knew that Aaron was caught up with a case and weren't expecting to hear from him for a while. Putting on some classical music, you poured yourself a glass of red wine and began to cook dinner. Heating up the frozen Tikka Masala sauce you stored in your freezer for lazy evenings like these, you began to chop up some chicken to put in the sauce when your music got paused by an incoming call.

You walked over and struggled to answer it with your elbow, so as to not contaminate your phone. Shocked to see Aaron as the Caller ID, you say “wait one second, honey bun, lemme put you on speaker my hands are covered in chicken” you let out a giggle as you finally were able to select the right button on the screen.

“Hey, sorry to call you out of the blue.” He stated, in a serious tone you'd only heard him use when he was called in for a case “Is everything alright, honey? You can always call me, you know that.” you frowned at the phone, going back to cutting up the chicken. “We -uh need somewhere to lay low, just the night is fine. You can say no, but” he looked through the rearview mirror at both Derek and Spencer.

His shoulders relaxed and his voice softened to the Aaron that you're used to “I miss you. I really need to see you” He sighed “Reid, text the rest of the team that we are going to Alexandria.” Spencer gave a curt nod and pulled out his own phone, texting JJ.

“Have y'all eaten yet?” You asked simply, like this was every other time he called you driving home from work. Like your heart wasn’t gonna beat out of your chest at the idea of him being in immediate danger

“What?” He asked, shocked at your casual response.

“Have y'all eaten? I'm making food and I need to know if I have to make more.” You said, washing your hands and pulling out the rest of the chicken breasts you had. He smiled at the console “No, love. We haven't. nothing sounds better than your cooking. What're you making?” Derek and Reid gave each other wide-eyed looks.

“Jus’ some chicken curry, rice and I'll heat up some of that naan I made with Jack. You better watch out, he's getting to be a better cook than you” You sneered playfully as you did the math in your head over how many cups of rice you needed to feed six starving FBI agents.

He chuckled “I believe you. I was never any good in the kitchen. We'll be there in about 20 minutes, alright?” You squinted at the phone then sighed “yeah that's fine, it won't be done as soon as you get here, but you won't have to wait too long after. Next time you're getting hunted by a serial killer, give me a heads-up so I can cook a fancier meal for your colleagues. You're lucky I haven't changed into my pajamas yet, Mr. Hotchner.”

“That's fine, thank you again, Honey. I promise I will. I love you” He said, grimacing in preparation for the stampede of questions heading his way “I love you too, darling. I'll see you in 20.” You said, starting to rush in order to have dinner ready. He hung up and was surprised by the silence.

“Okay. I know you're dying to ask about her. Go ahead.” His signature frown sank back into his face. Derek smirked and crossed his arms “Nah. I’ll wait until Rossi, Prentiss, and JJ find out. Plus, I have a feeling that your girl is a lot more open” he grinned. Aaron shot him a stern look “I'm regretting this.” His shoulder crept their way back up into their usual tense position.

You heard a loud knock on the door, frazzled by the sudden noise while caught up in the chaos of cooking, you walked towards it hesitantly. You looked through the peephole to see Aaron staring at the door and the other five agents looking at your house, no doubt profiling you off of it. You opened the door with a wide smile, giving Aaron a small kiss on the cheek as you were unsure how affectionate he wanted to be in front of his coworkers.

He wrapped his arms around you tightly before placing a kiss on your forehead and letting you go “Thank you again, really. This is the team, Dr. Reid, Morgan, Prentiss, Rossi, and JJ.” He motioned to each of them then moved inside and hung up his jacket like he always did. “Go stir the curry and check on the rice! I don't want it burning I'm not going out to get more food tonight!”

You looked away from him and at the rest of the team who were standing on your porch like deer in headlights. You tilted your head and flashed the same wide smile “Please, come in. Make yourselves at home. Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes.” You watched them as they walked in and looked at each other, then the rest of your home. The older gentleman who you assumed was Rossi spoke up first “How long have you been seeing each other?” You shrugged, leading them into the living room

“about three-ish years now. Aaron told me what had happened to- you know. He didn't want to risk anything like that happening again. Which is why I'm shocked that he brought you here. It must be bad, isn't it?” You sighed, sitting on the armrest of a chair and looking at all of their faces

“It's certainly not pretty. ” JJ said, sitting on the couch across from you. You nodded “relax, don't think about it anymore. I’ll go make sure your boss isn't burning down my house.” You gave them a tight-lipped smile and walked into the kitchen. Staying in the doorway, you watched Aaron tend to the food. His sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his tie was tossed on the breakfast table. You walked up to him and wrapped your arms around his torso, placing your cheek against his back “you shoulda given ‘em a heads up. They're lookin at me like I'm a fish that grew legs” you laughed, letting go of him to grab bowls to put the food in.

“Yeah, I'm sorry. I wanted to introduce you to them in a better way, but if we weren't here we’d be at a hotel and I don't think any of us would've been able to sleep. Your house is just so. Comforting. I like it better here than in my apartment. Jack does too.” You grinned at the plate “which one of them, are we gonna put in Jack's room here?” You asked

“Whoever asks the most inappropriate question.” He states in his usual, monotone voice. You gathered all of the spoons into the stack of bowls and began to carefully walk to the dining room, pausing for a moment to bask in the domesticity of it all. Aaron cooking, his friends coming over after work. If he wasn’t being hunted down, it would be perfect.

You set the table and walked back to the kitchen where you see Aaron fanning a pan with a dish towel. “Oh good lord, move, agent” you laughed, pushing past him to get to the stove as you turned it off and threw whatever was left of the burned piece of naan out the back door so as to not set off the fire alarm. You huffed and set the pan in the sink, looking at him with a hand on your hip.

He looked like a guilty puppy, head down, but his eyes looking up to meet yours. You bit back and smile, shaking your head “I don't know how you've gotten this far in life, Aaron. Truly.” You say, closing the distance between you too, and pressing a kiss to his temple. He hummed “I have you to take care of me” a grin broke out across your face as you placed a hand on his chest.

You heard hushed whispering and shuffling of feet before you looked at the doorway and saw the entire team trying to fit in the cramped space to see after-work Aaron that you're accustomed to. Laughter bubbled out of you as you watched them bicker like siblings. “Who are you and what have you done with Hotch?” Emily asked, wagging a finger at you playfully. “It's like watching a feral cat be domesticated” Spencer muttered to JJ. you held your hands up in surrender. “I didn't do anything! Now all of you are sitting at the table, dinner is almost ready.” You shooed them toward the dining room

A knock at the door startled the both of you. You looked at him and motioned him to stay where he was, stepping on his foot to keep it from moving as you bent down and pulled the gun from his ankle. You took off the safety and held it behind your back. You looked through the peephole at an eccentrically dressed blonde woman. You cocked the gun and opened the door with a smile “Hi, Can I help you?” You asked, watching as she looked over your shoulder “Yeah, I'm looking for my team” she said “this is the address Morgan sent me”

You heard footsteps coming behind you and putting the safety back on the gun “Down, girl.” He mumbled, putting a hand on your lower back “Yes, Garcia. Come in." Aaron said, taking the gun back and putting it back in the holster “This is Penelope, our technical analyst.” Penelope grinned widely at you “oh hotch, you big softie. I can't believe you managed to keep her from me! Everyone else I get but me? I'm impressed” she said, walking in. You shook your head and smiled at the ground “the rest of 'em are in the dining room, you can join them I'm just about to bring the food out.”

You looked at Aaron and grinned “I like your team” he scoffed “Yeah, until they start grilling you.”

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotch fic #aaron hotch x reader #hotch x reader #hotch x you #ssa aaron hotchner

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spitinsideme · 3 months

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What are some other facts about you that we can know?

Like favorite color or what other hobbies you have besides art?

Which by the is amazing! Long live lesbians

Also you have great taste in food! kebabs are amazing middle eastern food is so good! You should try this dish called koobideh it’s the Persians take on a kebab and it’s so good!

you can literally ask me anything babygirl i will tell you all anything you so want to know !!! no questions are off limits 👍👍

my favoriitr colour is pink like jjst any pink, i used tobe really into padtel pink but now im just morr of a fan of like .. hot pink .. love a goof hot pink i want to see pink and have my eyes burn pink just id a reall cool colour !!! i omcr founf a pink hestt sharpener just on the floor durong a weddingw hich was weird ??? why wpuk someone brong a sharpener to the wedding ??? but whageve4 i toom it and its a really good sharpener honestlg .. pink is really cool i lime ot !!

my hobbbies arr honestly so on and off lime ive beem drawing everday for like what ? a over 2 months now o think ? i havr nrver held a hobby for thay long in my lifr !!! but yhe other hobbies i havr done arr limr .. i rrally enjoy making hoises and making furnitie ouy of cardboard i used to just work hours nonstop id foeget to eat, drink, do anything just literally sat gor hours working on making miniture cardboard sofas and cushions and tables and cabinets and even like functional drawers for tgem !!! thatwas so fun i made like 2 fully big houses with rooms and furniture !!!! all out of cardboard !! i love collecting cardboard ...

another hobbg i have is i would make little clay animals !! tbey wrre mever good, never like looked professionwl, they would chip and be cracked and look bad overall but i lloved them so much becaudr to me they were tiny animals i made who were.now basicslly silly creatures who i loved and held desr, i out them in the cardboard houses ... that was very fun

another hobby is that i like to.research fetishes and i dont really talk about it becayse i knw its kind of wekrd and odd !! jve been doing it sonce i was 12 becaude i jad this dream where shaggy from scooby doo tried and torture me and he tied me up and put a shock collar on me and in the dream k liked it ?? shaggu was so weirded out he literally just like stopped tortuning me he just kind of left me alone tied up but anyways i woke up and was like woah .... and from.then one ive been resesrching fetishes and kinks ever since !!! like . everythinf about them .. i have filled up about 3 notesbook literally full with facts about the fetishes, defintions, how it dtarts, psychology behind it, causes, my own theories, literally so much information because i am so obsessedwotb it i have to restarsin kyself every single time a kink os brought up i stsrt internally barkinga md screaming by a dog im hoding myself back on a leash otherwide i will just infodump about like bdsm or some shit and no oen wants to jesr the psychology behind bdsm

i willl abeolyrely try that dish out if i ever get the cha nce tgank byou !!

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meruz · 4 months

Text

another ask post

i mean i also read it because a friend whos rly into queer SFF fiction circles recced it but she did kinda lead with "the writer used to write hs fanfic...tasmyn..taz...?" to which i replied

of COURSE I read the locked tomb because i heard taz had written a book. of course. ill consume most any media made by a beloved homestuck bnf. thats also why i played undertale. and read like..snotgirl. and idk... watched the new dub of neon genesis evangelion.

if u made homestuck fanwork 10 years ago and havent even made it since chances are I still remember and I love you for it.

sdlkfhsg its funny you sensed that because that drawing did in fact start kinda more........ well, I'd be lying if I said my hands never wrought a drawing toeing over the pg-13 line LOL...

NOT to say i have a secret stash of porn or anything. in general im more interested in the implication of sexuality or mature themes over any explicit depiction. like everything i draw is so softcore itd almost feel silly to make a nsfw acc for anything.

but im not rly jumping to post anything on main either bc i get the sense i have a lot of kids in my social media following. it varies from site to site and fandom to fandom but the themes in my work often circle around childhood, coming of age etc and in general i like stories about kids so the fandoms i draw for have a lot of kids in them. even stuff like IT (stephen king) which is about kids but isn't necessarily for kids.. there were a lot of kids in that fandom lol.

actually thats why ive been censoring swears in comics lately because the tmnt fandom comes across to me as a little young...IDK I've had MULTIPLE people ask me what "sodomize" means because of the joke in this post and I'm like... I Cannot be the one to explain this to you. you have to look it up on your own klfsdhsdg like i wouldn't be doing this if i were doing a comic for mgs or even homestuck wherein the characters textually swear constantly LOL but sometimes u gotta change tacks depending on the faces u see in the crowd yknow.

i HAVE been thinking abt drawing nsfw of sunspot/richard rider/kobak from x-men red just because that comic seemed to be really asking for it. who knows.. if the need rly arises maybe my separate account policy will change.

its rly more a matter of the fact that i havent read/watched much of any other iterations... im sure id like most lol. I like most things related to my interests regardless of quality. i rly like the marvel ultimate alliance games for instance. sometimes seeing my fave guy is enough he doesnt have to be well written LOL. i dont exactly have a wealth of free time tho thats the real impediment.

i did watch the 2007 movie on new years eve and found it quite charming overall. and i have read about 30-40 issues between the mirage and idw comics. still feels like im barely scratching the surface but i liked em. i rly want to read all the sophie campbell stuff bc i think her work is interesting. jason aaron will be a mixed bag i think lmao. i say as the worlds biggest Wolverine and the X-Men (2011) fan.

hmm this is kinda hard bc i feel like i naturally draw very loose and the hard part for me is tightening it up. maybe some suggestions tho...

1) hand excercises. i think its easy to forget this when many artists sit in front of the computer all day but drawing is a physical activity u do with ur actual...bodys...muscles lol. if u feel urself tightening up it might help to strech (any google search for "artist hand excercises" should yield good results) or do a page of loose practice strokes like..big circles. long lines. scribbles. that kinda thing. whatever feels good for ur hand. this is also just good to do as a general warm up before u sit down for any drawing sesh.

2) draw further away from the canvas. as a general rule...when ur painting traditionally you do the big strokes with your whole arm outstreched and a long handled brush. and when you do the details its smaller wrist movements and a shorter handled brush. so it might help to take a step back or push back from ur chair a little.. or hold ur tablet a little further away. and hold your pen further away from the nib.

3) change mediums / brush types. some brushes and mediums are more suited to loose sketching and some more inclined towards detail work. so changing ur tool could help. also! i personally have this problem where sometimes if im using a brush i feel really familiar with the pressure to make a "good" "finished" "perfect" drawing is greater... if i want to force myself to loosen up ill switch to a tool i dont use as often so it feels like the pressure is off. a lot of times for me this is switching from digital to traditional. but sometimes its switching from a small pen to a big marker. or a smooth pen to a textured one. or a nice brush to a shitty dried up marker.

but also every body is different so i dont think these tips will work for everyone. u should listen to what ur body and mind tell u and how drawing feels to you

bro just sign up and set it up i dont think theres much to it... i dont rly think too much abt my itch.io store because its digital goods so u just upload the file and let it do its thing. no distribution work needed on ur part. youll notice i barely even advertise my itch unless i have smth new on there lol.. its easy. but good luck!!!

idk if im the best person to ask this im more a comic fan than i am a comic professional... a comic hobbist.

well. scott mcclouds understanding comics and making comics are good books on the craft. i think i had to buy them for a class in art school once.

other than that idk just keep at it. comics are really laborious i think for a lot of people the hardest part is sitting down and doing it.

i think a lot of people have a very instinctive understanding of how to read comics and what they look like so whatever you think seems like good way to tell the story you have in mind, its probably right. if u get stuck, study comics that have done something similar. most people in comics are relatively self taught and actually it can be problematic bc you can tell when a lot of comic artists are all copying the same like 5 old white guys LMAO. but on the flip side if you make sure to reference and study broadly your comics will almost assuredly feel unique.

sorry im responding to this anyways. this is just a really nice ask. i like when people reference my older work bc i feel like sometimes theyre subtly implying it wasnt very good LMAOOO. but its true! at least compared to the work i make now ^^ and the fact that im still making art is whats keeping me from being embarassed abt how much of my old art just floats around online lmao im never ashamed to be growing and learning. isnt that a nice thought <3

#ask #too much art talk in this one

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thesherrinfordfacility · 3 months

Text

six months on (albeit, a bit late) part 1/3

part one | part two | epilogue (at some point)

hello would you like a stupid-length run down of the final fifteen?

idk about anyone else, but i kinda find myself regularly in a position where i don't know what to think about the final fifteen. i flit from one explanation or opinion to another; there have been so many facets of this sequence discussed that ive even found myself turned around on what i actually think was going on... was aziraphale threatened? did he do a complete 180 on his character development throughout both seasons? does he genuinely buy what metatron is telling him? how does he take crowley's rejection to return to heaven with him?

so back to basics, and because im itching to stretch the meta-writing legs that isn't solely an ask response or a purely batshit speculation - and because throughout writing this, i anticipate that i might surprise myself on how, overall, i interpret the whole scene... going back to basics and simply rewatching the scene (and making copious notes) is in order! just don't expect this to be anything you've necessarily not seen before - there are no revelations in this post.

please also note that this is an incredibly long, winding, and abhorrently lengthy post. no im not actually sorry about it, i needed to write it all out for my own bloody sanity

shall we begin?

so first thing's first: metatron saying his first line as he did indicates that aziraphale has expressed some hesitation. might be his body language, or possibly he's even said as such - something along the lines of, 'id need to discuss it with crowley', or something as simple as, 'im not sure, i need to think'. either way, aziraphale certainly responds to the metatron in a way that would suggest he is excited... but definitely incredulous and nervous.

and as for the metatron terming it as 'good news'; he seems to think that he and aziraphale are on the same page, that they hold the same opinion on whatever they've talked about. given what he later says about crowley, however - plus the borderline-disparaging remarks about going his own way, the Evil Glare™, and how quickly he just accepts that crowley isn't going - suggest that he a) doesn't want crowley in heaven, and b) that he anticipates that crowley will, in fact, consider the offer to return to heaven as very much Bad News Bears, and summarily reject it.

aziraphale starts making his way back to the bookshop, and boy do those expressions tell a story. that is not a happy angel. as soon as he steps off the pavement, his face falls, and his brow tightens in nerves, worry, and possibly even confusion; that to me is a, 'how the fuck am i going to explain this, how am i even going to word it?'. there's a quick, fortifying breath, and he's squaring the shoulders just as he moves out of frame. getting fanciful, that is an angel that is practically steeling himself to do battle; he knows crowley isn't going to like this, knows that it's going to be a hard sell. but what is key is that he does all of this walking away from the metatron, where he can't see - if nothing else, it's a very different expression to the 'excitement' he showed just seconds earlier.

but then he gets into the bookshop, and that expression is gone. for whatever reason, he doesn't want crowley to see it either. he doesn't want crowley to see anything less than joy, confidence, or excitement - he doesn't want to let crowley see that something is wrong/amiss. we then see the metatron, after establishing that muriel might be an adequate replacement to look after the bookshop, look across the street and presumably have a clear view of the two of them in the shop itself.

now, let's talk about crowley for a sec. crowley is equally nervous, and we can presume that it stems from the conversation with nina and maggie - that he needs to start opening communication with aziraphale, especially if anything is to move forward... and the best place to start, we presume (because, ultimately, we don't know for certain what he was going to say or how he was going to word it in this moment) is to propose that he and aziraphale - if nothing else - truly become an 'us'. maybe there's a love confession in there, maybe not. regardless, he's fidgety, but resolute; he even swipes off his glasses to show how committed he is to diving headfirst into this vulnerability that he otherwise keeps under wraps.

aziraphale, whilst crowley is word-vomiting, is immediately starting off with hand movements to get him to slow down, to quieten down, or stop talking altogether. as he does so, he's looking right back out of the shop window, as if he's aware of metatron's reciprocal gaze in. he's doing so with a pretty sincere smile on his face, and that to me is saying a couple of things:

aziraphale, i think, from the moment he set foot in the shop and saw nina and maggie coming back out, possibly already knew where crowley was going with the conversation. he's just watched as crowley practically offered up alpha centauri to gabriel and beelzebub as a refuge, somewhere he's already expressed that he and aziraphale could go to escape the apocalypse. so; to aziraphale's mind, in crowley doing so, a) crowley has chosen to remain on earth come what may - otherwise he'd have kept his chosen prospective bolthole quiet, and b) in the context where crowley offers it to them, as a safe place for two hereditary enemies just like them to love each other in peace, aziraphale recognises that that might have been what crowley wanted for them too. ergo, to my mind, crowley's confession is not necessarily a surprise to aziraphale - i daresay he likely saw it coming

aziraphale does not jump in straight away to interrupt crowley, and nor does he do it with any harsh or abrupt language. he wants to revisit this conversation - literally the meaning of 'hold that thought' - but what he has to say takes precedence. and to be fair, depending on how we interpret the preceding scene with the metatron (and what is revealed in the flashback conversation), it is arguably a more pressing matter to discuss, especially if it concerns their respective safeties... but it's a conversation he wants to return to

that being said, if aziraphale does know that the confession is inbound, the fact that he would treat it as somewhat of a joking matter - especially given how uncomfortable and fervent crowley's own demeanour is - is a bit... nasty? aziraphale has definitely, on previous occasions, expressed flashes of superiority over crowley, but i don't think this is a situation where he does feel superior... not at all. instead, again, considering how he quickly cheers up his expression when he enters the shop, this to me is aziraphale trying to mask his own discomfort, panic, and worry. he's keeping this whole thing as light and airy as he possibly can.

we then move on to aziraphale telling crowley he has some "incredibly good news" to give him... which, okay, sure, it might be that aziraphale is anticipating it to be good news. but again, the expression outside the shop? if he was that confident that crowley would be jumping for joy at the merest suggestion of returning to heaven, the conflicted expressions of worry and trepidation would, presumably, not have happened. so, i once again can only take this line to be aziraphale trying to dress it up with excitement. and i say dress it up because... we've seen aziraphale beside himself with excitement, right? and this is not it. this (first two snips) is aziraphale being giddy with excitement, or at least a job well done, not the latter clip:

aziraphale is barely able to get the words out properly after this point, he's nigh incoherent, and his hand movements indicate he's practically frantic... someone who normally, even when nervous or uncomfortable, keeps his hands quite close to his body, clasped comfortingly in front of him or stiff at his sides. we then furthermore have what he seems to mouth in the midst of this flurry of movement and mumbling, which, yes, is speculation but i rather much stand by it so far... and as such, seems to match his expression outside of the bookshop of, 'what the fuck am i going to say'.

also worth noting, to his credit, that crowley is being remarkably patient throughout all of this - i think he potentially does recognise that something is amiss? the 'somethings wrong' voice? recognises that despite himself being interrupted from something really quite important, aziraphale is evidently... not himself.

what intrigues me however, before we get into the meat of aziraphale and metatron's conversation, is how aziraphale words this particular bit:

because aziraphale catches himself before he says something potentially rather offensive, and then turns it back on himself. for example: "i don't think he's as bad a fellow as he came across", or "-as we thought he was", compared to aziraphale then backtracking and owning that it was his fault, "i think i might have misjudged him!".

what does it matter if he calls out the metatron for having been an arse in s1? it was a perfectly fair assessment to make, by all accounts, and presumably one that he and crowley had a laugh/bitch over post-s1... why would he recount that particular line? it wouldn't change the sentiment, ultimately - that aziraphale is trying to convey to crowley that the metatron 'is actually kind of alright!' - and it's not like crowley would be offended either way... so, are we to assume that even if the metatron can't hear what he's saying (although i have further speculation on this too, by the by, but this is a little more tentative) aziraphale perhaps fears that he can? in much the same way that he only let his expression truly slip once his back was turned, out on the street?

but then we move onto the offer itself, and the conversation between him and the metatron. aziraphale starts getting into his stride, probably because now he's just simply recounting what actually happened, all supported by the flashbacks we get. aziraphale isn't having to lie, as far as we can tell - he's simply going over the conversation he had. let's break that down:

aziraphale initially seems quite relaxed to be sat opposite metatron, insomuch that he doesnt look overly tense. frankly, he just looks bored, wanting to get this over and done with, likely so he can head back to the bookshop and be left in peace. as he said before they left; he has made his position clear, he wants nothing to do with heaven (at least as it currently is), and this is just a courtesy, to hear out whatever the voice of god has to say. of course, metatron then blindsides aziraphale by saying that - of course - the only option to replace gabriel must be aziraphale.

what is noteworthy is how aziraphale says, "and i said... "me?!"... and he said-". because when we cut back to the flashback, aziraphale's expression has not changed at all. there's no excitement, but more just bafflement and shock... and not one that indicates he's in any way enthusiastic about the idea. the fact that aziraphale chooses to recount that particular 'me?!' the way he does to crowley suggests that he's, quite possibly, putting it on, playing the part, and deliberately overstating his initial reaction - almost like he's trying to hype crowley up in turn. furthermore - aside from all the handwaving and nervous huffs of laughter - aziraphale does not even blink throughout this whole spiel to crowley. just an observation.

metatron gives his bullshit rationalisation for choosing aziraphale - and i say bullshit because from their last interaction in s1, aziraphale arguably did not display much of the qualities that metatron purports he has... if any at all - and aziraphale visibly starts to subtly panic. there's the glance away, his shoulders stiffen, he swallows nervously, breathes heavily. when aziraphale does speak, it's immediately to declare that he doesn't want the position, doesn't want to go back to heaven full stop (very reminiscent of his reaction to the promotion offer in the cut 1800 scene), and gives the excuse of the coffee.

metatron then brings out Les Big Guns. before the metatron says anything else, and without so much as a hint from aziraphale, metatron oh so casually remarks that aziraphale would have the final say on who he works with. he already anticipates that aziraphale's hang-up about going back to heaven may not be in fact the coffee, and tbh may not in fact be anything to do with earth itself, but everything to do with crowley remaining on earth. crowley is however a demon, and in his current form would not be able to go to heaven (which in turn begs another observation - does metatron not know that crowley infiltrated heavily pretty easily earlier in the episode?... hmm).

as such, the obvious solution for the metatron is to drop the fact that he probably knows a lot more about aziraphale and crowley's historic dealings with each other than would otherwise be anticipated. he mentions that he has had the chance to peruse over... recordings? reports? photos? that show the span of aziraphale's relationship with crowley - and unspokenly suggests that he knows everything. and then he offers a very neat, tidy solution to that small 'hes a demon' snag. he tells aziraphale he would have the authority to restore crowley, so he could come with him.

aziraphale, whilst metatron is revealing the scope of his intelligence gathering, looks like he's about to burst into tears. to me? that is horror, and fear - like a frightened animal being suddenly backed into a corner. his eyes start darting everywhere, his face - especially his jaw - tenses, and he looks like he's about to leg it out of his chair at any given moment. and namely, once metatron tells him he could restore crowley to being an angel, we don't see aziraphale's resultant expression at all. it immediately cuts back to the bookshop.

why would aziraphale fear metatron knowing everything about him and crowley? this isn't clear. it may simply be residue fear, muscle memory, from years gone by where their association has had to exist in utmost secret. alternatively, it might be that aziraphale is not comfortable in the knowledge that not only does metatron want something from him (to return to heaven), but that metatron has very accurately landed on aziraphale's pressure point (crowley). this is what i mean when i say, as i have in previous posts, that i don't think there's a missing, overt threat from the metatron that we've not been shown, but that aziraphale feels threatened.

compare this to nearly every spy movie you've ever seen - you want someone to do something for you, but they're resistant? just casually drop that you know that their partner has just had a new haircut, or that their child looked happy going into school that morning, or that their parent is struggling to pay for their medical bills... it's sufficient information enough to instill a sense of peril without being an unclassy, hamfisted, overt threat.

my last thought on the flashbacks; as was said brilliantly in this post (@fearandhatred), i don't think the flashbacks were disingenuous, and i don't believe that there are gaps missing that will be revealed in s3. but i do think that there are some key things that aziraphale might not have actually told crowley in his recount of the conversation. crowley responds in his next line specifically to the offer of restoration... so, did aziraphale even tell him about the metatron knowing all about them? their "de facto partnership", their "previous exploits"? because personally, i don't think he did. once again - the narrative irony that we as the audience have the full story, but crowley potentially does not.

but anyway; back to the bookshop.

...okay, aziraphale. right. i mean, first of all, crowley is just as taken aback, shocked, and incredulous as aziraphale seems to have been during the flashbacks. but aziraphale? everything has slowed down, almost calmed, like the eye of the storm has passed over. he almost looks less manic, less (frankly) deranged, and seems to actually be settling in the fact that the offer itself might actually be a good thing - something that crowley might in fact want. it's still not quite right, he's still not quite acting in a way that makes me think aziraphale's being entirely forthcoming with crowley.

the way he says that crowley could "come back" is soft and gentle, as if he's granting the most amazing, positively astounding opportunity - that heaven is doing something that it has never (as far as we or aziraphale, presumably, is aware) done before, and welcoming crowley back... like it's equal parts forgiveness towards crowley for having done whatever he did (im deliberately trying to keep this concept very vague and objective), and apology to crowley for a punishment that far outweighed any possible 'crime' he could have committed... like heaven is attempting to make reparations for what they did to him in the fall.

putting this outside the main body because it's another slight tangent. we know that crowley being good, nice, and/or kind is not necessarily indicative that crowley should or ought to be an angel. there are shades of grey. however, i do think aziraphale... still has issues with that. still has issues with aligning what he thinks good is, how intrinsically important being good is to him, and then where crowley sits in the midst of all of it - almost like aziraphale accepts that he himself may be in the grey, accepts his shortcomings, but where crowley is concerned aziraphale readily glosses over a number of his... not-so-nice bits. this might stem from aziraphale believing that it's more palatable to love crowley if he believes him to essentially be an angel in all but name, but i don't think it's quite that. more that aziraphale maybe thinks that 'good' is the ideal to hold, that heaven is the place that was meant to be good, and that crowley himself is good... so... well, isn't it the logical conclusion that crowley would want to return to heaven?

so going back to this bit of the scene: i don't think aziraphale ever wanted crowley to revert back to factory settings, never even considered the notion, nor necessarily thought that crowley would be better as an angel... but instead perhaps that being an angel again is what crowley would want. that it would be nothing more, really, than a rubber stamp in his personnel file. i think aziraphale was simply remembering the angel that was joyful in creating, surrounded himself in the exaltation of imagining new and wonderful things, bringing them to life; why wouldn't, in its most basic essence, aziraphale want that for crowley again? for crowley to be back where - as far as aziraphale likely remembers - he was at his happiest? and if he has the power to give it, like the metatron said, isn't that the greatest gift aziraphale could ever bestow upon him?

if we accept, as the whole final fifteen scene is intimating pretty strongly thus far, that aziraphale is trying to keep his panic and fear about the whole situation under wraps from crowley, it simultaneously makes sense that he would offer this to crowley as if he's saying:

'here's a wonderful thing that im pretty certain you've always wanted; please, just this once, don't ask questions about anything else, please just concentrate on this, i can handle everything else. just please say yes to coming back with me, i need you to come back. you can be happy, and i can sort out heaven, so that one day we can just simply walk away and never have to look over our shoulders. i'm scared, but i don't really have a choice, and tbh im even more scared what might happen if i leave you behind.'

but as metatron, i think, clearly anticipates, and as i think aziraphale truthfully does too as he first heads into the bookshop, this was never going to be something that crowley would accept. it's not something crowley wants. crowley - for whatever reason (again, in the absence of knowing anything concrete about the fall, keeping this deliberately vague) - was rejected by heaven in the most literal sense possible. slapping him with an angel stamp and dressing him in a white suit means nothing of value to him, and is the furthest from what he wants; in fact, actually, if anything, it's the biggest insult he could be afforded. because what has suddenly made him redeemable, palatable, 'forgiveable', in the eyes of heaven? nothing; just that he's a pawn in whatever bargain the metatron is trying to strike with aziraphale... and from crowley's pov, aziraphale has agreed to using him as a game piece. it doesn't confer value onto crowley, if anything it reduces it; in this equation, even if he were to accept the offer, he'd essentially be nothing more than a negotiated benefit for aziraphale to take the job.

(and that's all assuming that restoration would in fact mean crowley gets to continue being him, albeit in fancy white clothes - when there's the very real possibility that, if restoration as a concept even exists at all, heaven would just wipe him and set him off from ground zero all over again. aziraphale seems to have taken the metatron's word for it; that restoration even exists, that aziraphale would have the power to do it, and that it would mean he gets to keep crowley exactly as he is).

at which point... crowley knows that aziraphale didn't turn down the offer in the metaphorical room - "and you told him just where he could stick it, then?"... he's hopeful, possibly, but his expression suggests that he fully anticipates that aziraphale has bought into the crock of shit that metatron has spun him. that aziraphale took the job on the provision that crowley could join him, which crowley points out to be beneath the both of them, "oh, we're better than that- you're better than that, angel!".

aziraphale however, as explained above, sees it as being the best, safest, most opportune option for them both to take; "not at all", said with the tone of surprise that it is, suggests that aziraphale didn't ever consider the possibility of saying no, maybe because he feels that he can't, and never thought that crowley would say no, either. along with the surprise tone however, he says it with a very tense expression - the smile has frozen, and his tense are gritted. it might be that he genuinely thought that crowley would say yes, or because - again, if he's in fear of being overheard - he's worried about the implications of what crowley has just said.

crowley goes on to rant that he turned down hell when beelzebub made a very similar offer to crowley in ep1 (which, by the by, he... didn't. for whatever reason, crowley did not say no, nor any variant of a refusal, to beelzebub), and aziraphale remarks that that's a given, as "you're the bad guys".

now... i wince at this particular line every time i watch the final fifteen, as im sure everyone else does, but i don't think it's - at all - meant in the way that crowley likely receives it. certainly not in the way that the majority of the audience seems to have received it.

im not set to diminish or invalidate, on crowley's part, how it must feel to hear aziraphale still consider him a 'bad guy', simply because he's a demon. but from aziraphale's perspective, crowley is a demon, and demons are of hell. hell are not the good guys, as a collective - as has been proven time and time again - and, well, if heaven are meant to be the good guys, hell are by process of elimination the bad guys. once again, aziraphale arrives a rather binary conclusion of good vs. evil.

but equally consider that this is also the aziraphale that regularly compliments crowley on his niceness and his good deeds. that same aziraphale does not think of crowley as 'a bad guy'. he is blunt that crowley is of hell, who are the collective bad guys, because hell is the bad side to the heaven that was meant to be the good side. and as said above - crowley is good! he's a good person! he might be a demon, of hell, but he belongs on the side of good! which leads to this lovely little number:

throughout this whole part of their discussion, aziraphale has presented as more and more sure, less panicky and nervous - because i think this is something that he absolutely believes. he might have initially not wanted anything to do with heaven, but now? with the possibility that crowley could join him? suddenly then it's viable... lucrative, even - that he could fix heaven, that crowley could help him do it, they'd be together, and they'd get their happy, safe ending. his expression on "good" would suggest his confusion that crowley doesn't appear to share the same opinion - sure, heaven is shit now, but it was always meant to be good, right?* doesn't crowley see that?

crowley, however, justifiably illustrates that, the way he sees it (and has been demonstrated by the narrative), both sides are as flawed and redundant as each other; aziraphale can be as optimistic as he likes that heaven is redeemable, is fixable, but all crowley can see is that both are so inherently awful, so rotten to the very foundation, that there is no saving them... heaven least of all, for being the side that purports itself to be good. hell, at least, is aware of its very nature; heaven is insidious, and doesn't even have the good grace to acknowledge it, instead chalking it up to being god's will, and therefore whatever they do must be good.

and with that, i think crowley simultaneously starts to really panic - knowing that he's losing aziraphale - and yet hopes against all hope that he's gotten through to him, changed his mind, and begins pleading with him to tell him the exact thing he wants to hear; 'this is a bad idea, please don't do this, please-'

aziraphale is visibly struggling to even collect his thoughts, to even find the words to summarise why he's going to do this. simultaneously, aziraphale is dumbfounded. i think part of that is because he recognises the truth in what crowley is saying, but i also think that he's now in a position where his plan to get crowley to come with him has failed, and he's at a loss for what to do - what to say - next. he looks from crowley, looks out the window, his mouth is working to try and say something, even looks down at his feet, before coming up with the best way he can to explain why he's doing this. "if im in charge... i can make a difference."

*because once again (i'll die on this hill), i don't think aziraphale thinks that heaven as it currently is, is something that is good, light, or truth... but that heaven's intended purpose was to be those things, and is what heaven in essence stands for... irrespective of whoever is in charge. aziraphale has no allegiance to heaven as it currently is. michael, uriel, sandalphon, gabriel when he was supreme archangel - all of them have corrupted heaven to be something that it was never meant to be. but aziraphale has to believe that heaven itself is redeemable, has to believe that there is something salvageable; if it weren't, does that mean that aziraphale in turn is not either of those things too? does that mean that aziraphale is not good? heaven is capable of great things, that could benefit everyone involved; so couldn't aziraphale, from all of the experience he's gained, do something to make heaven exactly that?

it doesn't mean that aziraphale is any more correct for this more nuanced assumption, but i think it poses there is a very fine line in aziraphale's thinking. to my mind, aziraphale is not backtracking on the entirety of what he's learnt since the beginning, he's not suddenly heaven's man again - but instead is recognising that heaven is broken as it currently is... and that he could potentially fix it. if anything, that recognition that what he thought was faultless actually needs fixing, and that he may be able to do it, because it's the right thing to do... is exactly the character development i was expecting? an angel who has himself been rejected time and time again for being who he is, without even the finality of falling, could actually be the key to making heaven something worthy of the name.

he has to take that opportunity, to be that change, but he doesn't want to leave crowley to do so. not only because, of course, he simply loves crowley and wants both, but if he does leave crowley, what could happen to crowley without aziraphale being in a position to protect him? what, for me, it all boils down to is that aziraphale thinks going to heaven is the right thing to do, but only entertained it seriously when a) crowley's name, and their relationship, was casually mentioned in a way that felt like metatron would use it as leverage, and b) crowley could potentially come with him. ultimately, the fact remains that crowley more important to him than heaven is.

let's return to the specific wording of 'make a difference'. it's... fairly neutral, right? make a difference for whom? what kind of difference? the difference that metatron was talking about, or the difference that, in the most idealistic scenario possible, aziraphale and crowley both would probably want to happen? it's carefully worded - and coupled with eeeeverything that i've said about how aziraphale acts with the metatron, how he was hiding his expression as he entered the shop, and then how aziraphale seems to backtrack on bitch-talking the metatron... look, i don't necessarily buy that aziraphale is trying to speak in a riddle or code that he knows crowley would understand, but i do wonder if he's now hoping that crowley will read between the lines. he can't outright tell crowley his suspicions, and was possibly trying to get crowley to come with him in a way that wouldn't alert crowley to anything amiss whatsoever... but now? now that crowley is resisting? he has to edge slightly closer towards transparency.

in the hypothetical scenario that aziraphale is fearful that they may be overheard, or observed, aziraphale has to be careful. he has to word whatever he says in such a way that he appears to be heaven's man, that he genuinely wants to take the opportunity to run heaven and the 'enormous projects' that are in planning, in a way that doesn't disclose to the metatron that aziraphale is in any way suspicious of him. to crowley, however, he has to convey that he isn't heaven's man, that he wants to change things that would mean that it be for the better, and do all of that whilst not alerting crowley that there may be danger. 'make a difference' suddenly has a double-meaning, because for whose benefit does aziraphale truly want to change things?

crowley then, bless his heart, bravely launches into his confession that he tried to start at the beginning, and i think he does so in an effort to be completely transparent on why he needs aziraphale to stay - an effort to convince him to remain with crowley for no other reason than that he wants to be with him... and now? now he's not even sure it'll work. he's tried demonstrating where heaven isn't worth the effort, to no avail, so now he's going for full vulnerability mode. honestly, what a trooper, he was so so brave

aziraphale throughout the confession is practically motionless. the manic energy has disappeared, and from the subtle flickers in his expression, i think he saw this coming - saw it coming from the moment that he saw crowley offer up alpha centauri to gabriel and beelzebub, and saw nina and maggie very surreptitiously leave the bookshop. i think to some degree, aziraphale knew at least the nature of what crowley was going to say, and as a result, he gets very nervous:

at the sheer mention of "group", aziraphale pointedly (to me, anyway) looks out of the window. generally, he looks shifty - avoiding eye contact, eyes flickering, heavy breathing - but it's so deliberate that he looks out of the window where, we can surmise, is the general environs of where the metatron is still waiting. again - the metatron saying "de facto partnership", and all of his allusions to knowing the true nature and extent of aziraphale's association with crowley, seems all the more sinister if this line - "a team- a group!" - is specifically when aziraphale's eyes betray his concern. i don't think he's necessarily scared that the metatron will overhear this bit, because ultimately the metatron has intimated that he already knows this, but crowley is, potentially, and very much unknowingly, placing them in even more danger by vocalising the exact nature of what he and aziraphale feel for each other.

i also want to remark on aziraphale's look of confusion when crowley says, "spent our existence pretending that we aren't". ive had many a thought on why aziraphale would look so perplexed, and only one kind of makes sense to me - that actually, within the last few years, aziraphale... wasn't pretending at all. crowley told him that they were on their own side in tadfield, something that may have taken a while, but ultimately aziraphale in the "so did i" demonstrates that he was fully on board with, and he's now spent a good portion of s2 trying to make 'their side' all the more meaningful... crowley was no longer going too fast for him, but instead he was trying to show crowley that he had caught up - felt free enough to match his speed.

that, for me, would make sense with crowley's next line, where he himself clarifies that actually, no - the last couple of years they weren't pretending like they were before. something changed after armageddon, and that was that they both were removed enough from heaven and hell that they could finally explore what 'us' might mean for them. crowley is consistently taken aback by what aziraphale intended to be overtures of closeness and adoration - the frequent touching, the bentley, the ball - because aziraphale was trying to demonstrate it with actions, rather than words. crowley previously showed aziraphale how he felt about him - the rescues, the dinners, the books - and aziraphale was trying to speak to him in a language that he thought crowley would understand.

but crowley then plays the card that he played before, and that even under better circumstances aziraphale would never accept; "if gabriel and beelzebub can do it, go off together, then we can!". aziraphale didn't accept it - however much he might have selfishly, privately wanted to - in s1 under threat of armageddon, and it's certainly not an option now when the metatron is literally outside the door. again, if we accept that aziraphale has read the conversation he had with the metatron as some kind of subtle threat, legging it is absolutely not an option he can take. on one hand, he might not want to; aziraphale typically chooses, when his back is against the wall, to fight his way out, to push back. on the other... it's the same as the bandstand; where could they possibly go where heaven won't find them? if they even got that far, how long would they have to keep running? they would constantly have to look over their shoulders, and exist together as if it's something that should be hidden out of fear, and guilt, and shame.

it then makes sense that aziraphale suddenly finds movement as crowley in turn grows more frantic in them being "an 'us'!"; aziraphale starts quickly shaking his head, tearing up, at what crowley is saying. crowley tries stoicly to cajole aziraphale into agreeing, because surely this time he will. aziraphale however strides right up to him, and counters again that he and crowley can be together, can be an 'us', but why can't it be in heaven? neither of them are denying what they want from the other. aziraphale then goes on to lay out exactly how it could work, that he could "run it, [crowley'll] be [his] second-in-command".

i know that a lot of people take issue with this line, because it suggests that aziraphale is claiming superiority, and relegating crowley to the oh-so-lowly deputy position... but tbh, i just can't see it like that. i have no doubt that crowley might see it like that (re: what i said above about crowley potentially seeing the restoration as an insult, because it's only offered not in recognition of crowley himself, but instead as a consolatory benefit of aziraphale taking the offer) but i just simply cannot fathom that aziraphale would ever mean it like that. because look - they haven't even gotten out the door, and already aziraphale has it all planned out. he'd bypass the other archangels not only to take the top position himself, at the metatron's behest, but he'd immediately use that power to install crowley right by his side. he's not offering crowley to just return to his lab/office cubicle as an angel, and once-in-a-blue-moon see aziraphale when he maybe had the time; he's already scheming to give crowley one of the most powerful positions he possibly can. he wants to place crowley in a position not only where aziraphale can always protect him, but it also shows that he trusts crowley more implicitly than any other being, and is frankly offering to fix heaven to be one that crowley would want to see. that crowley could have direct input in building. one that is good enough to have him.

aziraphale solidifies this with "we can make a difference". note the pronoun shift from before? and how he half-whispers it to crowley, fervent and desperate for crowley to see exactly what they could do together? notice how aziraphale isn't scanning around him at the windows anymore? to me, this is the real motivation, right here. metatron is giving both of them an opportunity for them to play their own game; aziraphale is prepared to take it, but wants crowley by side - as a team - when he does... why wouldn't crowley?

okay im going to cheat here slightly and direct you to this, because my thoughts on this are pretty much still the same. it's apt that this is the nail in the coffin as far as this conversation goes, because for me it's the main (only?) instance in which the two of them are both entirely candid in what they're saying, hoping the other understands, and yet the two meanings miss each other completely. everything else has been a conflict in beliefs or ideals, but this? this is The miscommunication.

crowley is saying: 'this bookshop means so much to you, and it means so much to me too. you even said it was ours, not just yours; it represents where we both felt most safe, where we could be entirely ourselves and not fear or worry about anything going on outside it. you gave me a home in this place, with you - you can't just leave it like it's nothing, you can't just leave 'us' like it's nothing, you can't just leave me like im nothing.'

aziraphale is saying: 'this bookshop means so much to me, it's true, but in a thousand years - even maybe a hundred years - it will be little more than rubble. it represents what i used to treasure more than anything, because it was what i took pleasure in, and i could be myself. it was ours, but really all it is, is little more than paper, glass, and brick. you are my home, and you are more important than a building with windows and a creaky front door. being together, being safe, is all i want, and is all that matters.'

all of that is summed up nicely in crowley just... letting all the fight drain out of his body. tilts his head back, in that famous nod of, 'oh right okay, i see what you're saying'. wills the tears not to fall; to him, aziraphale has just rejected everything that crowley thought aziraphale held dear - including himself. nothing lasts forever, including them... when what aziraphale is saying is that nothing lasts forever, but they could.

crowley puts his shield back on, the sunglasses back in their usual place. aziraphale sees him do so, and has the faintest, hopeful smile on his face; because he thinks that crowley has finally gotten what aziraphale was trying to convey to him - and so, now, they're going to leave the shop together, go to heaven together, and work together to fix heaven into what it always should have been... and along the way, grant them the freedom to do whatever the hell they want to do, and do it in peace. crowley however shatters that; he steps out from around aziraphale, and wishes him luck... and aziraphale realises that they are not in fact on the same page, and actually now whatever was holding on by a thread might have finally snapped.

okay look if you've made it this far - first of all how and why, you madman, this was stupidly long and convoluted... but also many kisses of gratitude unto you for sticking it out this long. i'm planning (if the dopamine gods remain with me) on doing a part 2 where i look at the last bit of the domestic, and the kiss, again - to see what i unearth there too, but thoughts so far:

aziraphale feels under threat from the metatron, and has to prioritise acquiescing to his request on pain of [redacted]

but he also knows that if the metatron knows that crowley is his pressure point, his only option is to try to a) convince the metatron that he (aziraphale) is completely on board, and docile, and b) convince crowley to come back with him, not only for his safety but also so they can be together, and because actually, to aziraphale's mind, the offer is a good thing, possibly something crowley has always secretly wanted, and crowley deserves it

alongside feeling threatened, aziraphale is wary that the metatron may be able to observe/hear their conversation. he therefore cannot say anything that would antagonise the metatron, cannot say anything that would suggest that aziraphale knows that the metatron is a Big Bad, and cannot let crowley in on the truth because crowley would question it too hard and endanger them both

aziraphale knows that crowley is about to confess his feelings, or something of a similar sentiment. aziraphale wants to hear it, but only when he can be sure that crowley will come back to heaven with him, where he can be safe in a position of power, right by aziraphale's side

when crowley begins to resist the idea, and battles back with a plan of this own for them to be together, aziraphale a) has to impress upon him that going back to heaven, and potentially fixing it in their image (lmao god complex much, aziraphale?) is the right thing to do, especially if they are to have any kind of future together, and b) has to do so, again, in a way that won't alert crowley that something more nefarious might be going on. regardless, they both operate on the understanding that they want to be together

however. the one major miscommunication in the entire part of the first sequence is "nothing lasts forever" - this particular part is practically the repeat of the different exactlies from episode 1

ok bye

#good omens #feral domestic/final fifteen meta #metatron spec #aziraphale meta

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