why is life so unfair. everyone else gets to go through life relatively pain free but ive been gritting my teeth through pain for 21 years just so i dont bring everyone elses vibe down???
i was treated as neurotypical and forced to compensate for my autism and adhd by myself
ive been giving myself shit for not keeping on top of chores and errands as well as everyone else but they weren't fighting against their own brains and bodies every time to do it
fuck that. fuck all of that. ive ordered myself a pop-up stool because i deserve to be able to sit down when i need to even if there's no benches. im considering getting food delivery too so i dont have to walk 20 minutes to aldi and back once a week in agony. if no one else is in pain while getting food why should i have to be.
this sucks ass. chronic pain havers deserve fucking gold medals for not complaining all the time and still getting stuff done AND still somehow being criticised for not doing 'enough'!!! fuck that!!! im on day trips out compensating for sensory overload, joint pain, foot pain, masking all of my symptoms and STILL have a smile on my face so im not too much of a downer for everyone elses benefit. no wonder i cant keep on top of my fucking laundry!!! thats exhausting!!!
i always said i would drag myself over hot coals for the people i care about but it turns out thats a lot more literal than i thought it was!!! oh, you guys want to go for a walk to the park? sounds fun! let me just destroy my feet until im in agony so we can all have a good time!
This is the vision I saw from the start and actually I don't think I'd forgive myself if I cut that vision short because of impatience. So this'll take another few weeks haha
In my head a fight involving a centaur looks so cool but can I visualize that? Well I sure. tried
It's so easy to make it look stupid when it's a swordfight between a person and a centaur whose torso and arms are way higher. Logically a centaur would just trample you to death, quick and easy, but that simply doesn't make for good enough imagery here with everything I was trying to cram into this part of the song
Salem sees an old friend. and lets people know exactly what that "friend" did back home.
memories of the sound of someone warping behind them.. the hard sound of a weapon. no cracks this time. no now she isnt an egg anymore.
salems not afraid of much..
dogs.. submarines.. the person that killed her..
unfortunate day.
She didnt stick around on starfruit long.. she needed to be home. she is glad star was there after.. she needed a hug from someone familiar even if not family or friend.. star is nice.
Its the first time in a months salems let her siblings be the protectors this time.
transcript:
SALEM: i went to that place again.. saw star starwatcher, person was there..
APPIE: meanie who hurt salem? n jelli?
SALEM: mhm.. called me a mimic? and and killed me.. again..
APPIE: hes bitch.
SALEM: having bad memories.. and feelings.. can.. want sleep, Dont want to be alone.. was alone when..
(Appie put poison spikes infront of their front door so no one could get in.)
APPIE: bitch cant get n. cant hurt lune.
APPIE: love salem. hope salem sleeps okie.. you s stong strong strong okie? n dont have worry.
wont leave salem
SALEM: ..look after me?
APPIE: yes. won let anyone hurt salem.
SALEM: thank you.. sunshine knight.. love love love
APPIE: always.. always stay by salem. ma luna.. mon chevalier
SALEM: can i go bed.. hurts.
JELLI: ur safe here. we got u can spend day in bed n watch movies n eat treats itll be okie.
SALEM: please dont let me die..
APPIE: wont.. wont wont wont.
JELLI: u wont.. u wont not while we are here.. not while we got u
SALEM: protect?
JELLI: of course. whatever salem needs.
APPIE: we is here for salem.
SALEM: okay.. love love love... sunshine knight.. starry knight.. keep safe.. please dont let him kill me again please
JELLI: love u so so much never again. wont happen ever again
APPIE: love salem love salem. lots n lots n lots n lots forever n ever n ever. won let bitch come close
salem with a broken wing. and her hair more white then before (shes sick oh no)
But this is healing.. shes let herself be vunerable.. she let herself be taken care of. shes safe. and hes not gonna get hurt again.
i was like wow i wasnt in that much pain today maybe im being overdramatic about this whole thing but. i was sat down pretty much all day. i just did my dishes and cooked my dinner mostly stood up and you'll never guess what happened!
Sorry y’all I haven’t been active recently, recently I’ve been on a week long sailing trip and have been a bit tired😭
hopefully when I’m fully rested I’ll get up to speed with my tf2 content (and tf2 oc propaganda hehehe) but for now I just wanted to say I’m not dead!!