#part of what helps him follow through is feeling his rep is already shit what does he have to lose compared to his brother he loves so much

[didsomeonesayventus]

Hey Brodia fans do we think there's a nonzero chance some fuckhead noble ends up thinking the Morion Incident was a covered up/conveniently timed coup so Diamant could take over

(This is, ofc, Bullshit™️, and it makes both Diamant and Alcryst understandably incredibly upset)

[soulwillower]

semi-charming •  bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x reader smut)

requested:  Do you have any bill denbrough x reader’s that you have finished that can be posted? I really love your work I re read it like everyday lol :)    +      AKANSHAKAKMA U SHOULD POST THE BILL DENBROUGH HATE SMUT AHHHH     +     don’t be shy post the b.d hate smut 😀🔫🥰🌝

i haven’t posted a fic in well over several months but i hope u guys like it :) im here and around still so send me something if u wanna chat <3 i also have re opened my requests lkajsdlkaj

also - i gained a lot of new followers while i was gone and im sure some ppl want to be removed from my taglist SO: i am gonna start a new taglist!!! pls send me a message and let me know if you want to be on it bc after this post im starting fresh  !!!!!!!!!

warnings: drinking, mentions of weed, dorm living, almost-strangers hooking up, smut, choking (light), light spitting, a tiny bit of dirty talk, switch!bill, its kinda fluffy smut tbh, enemies-to-lovers but its so lowkey, kinda cute guys, neighbor-ish au, 

(losers + reader are 19+.)

4.1k words

♡

the first time it happened, you wrote it off as unintentional. 

it's happened to everyone: you're joking around with your roommate, or reaching over to grab your laptop, and you fall off your bed to the floor. you knock over your lamp or someone knocks over the handle that was sitting half-empty on the mini-fridge. the tile on the ground of the dorm rooms are hard and cold and don't do much to quiet the noise of anything, so you get that. 

but whatever the hell was going on in the room above you was not that. it was three in the morning, and your head was spinning in that sickening way that only happens when you take too many drinks in a short time and find your way to bed for a few hours before being startled awake. 

a loud thump made you jump in your bed, heart racing as you woke in surprise. 

it was around twenty more loud thuds from your ceiling (in a span of barely two minutes) that you gathered the energy to slide out of your bed, sliding on your dorm slides and throwing on a shirt to cover your near naked body before storming into the hallway to climb the most challenging single story of stairs in your life, right to your upstairs neighbors' door. 

your hand was banging on the door for a mere five seconds before the door swung open and a terribly confusing sight fell onto your eyes. 

three boys who you've only ever seen in passing before in your dorm, all shirtless and heaving breaths. the one who answered the door, possibly bill or mike (judging by the stupid name tags on their door), has bright eyes and dark auburn hair that reflects in the dim light of the hall, backlit by the neon purple from inside the room. his sweaty bare abdomen made your eyes twitch as you glared at him, suddenly more irritated because he's kind of really hot and stupid and annoying, and you needed to sleep.

"hi.” he said casually, and you could tell he wasn’t entirely sober, either. 

“so what is your fucking problem?" you said in lieu of a greeting, half-asleep and pissed beyond belief (also still drunk). the boy who answered the door raised his brows, head turning with a brow raised, as if to ask his buddies 'are they for real?' before turning back with a large, cocky smile, "pardon you? we already turned down the music." 

you blinked, knowing you must have seemed so rude and looked insane but it was a weeknight and you had class in the morning, "wh- what, no- i'm not here about music. it's like three, you're slamming on the floor and i can hear it like i'm in a fucking tornado in my room below you so you need to knock it off." 

then the other boy, further back with foggy glasses, started laughing. the other one laughed too, rubbing his neck sheepishly, still breathing heavy. "what the hell are you guys even doing in there?" you added, running a hand through your hair in exasperation. 

"they were trying to bench press me. but then bill decided to start doing squat jumps onto his bed." the boy with glasses explained as he rubbed his chest, still concealed by the darkness of the room, illuminated only by the stupid LED neon lights that every single person in the dorms had lining their rooms. that explained the thudding. 

"why." you'd deadpanned. you were too tired for this, but you'd wanted them to understand that it was keeping people up. "richie got us kicked out of Pike for stealing their doorknobs and pledge class photos." the third boy says, elbowing the boy, richie. "we felt like working out, but then richie said we couldnt press him, so..." he trails off at the look you give. 

"you want my workout routine or something?" richie asks you. you sharply inhale and bill smiles, "well, if that's all, we'll be going. i've got one more rep to get in." 

your eyes widened, jaw dropping at his words. he'd laughed, then, and your eyes couldn't stop as you stared at his sculpted abs flex in the light. god damn it. 

"chill out, neighbor. sorry to wake you from your beauty sleep." he said as he noticed your look, and you wanted to fucking hit him. 

you rolled your eyes, picking up on his facetious tone. "whatever. just knock it off. thanks," you'd griped, sarcastically smiling at them before trudging away towards the stairwell. and you'd caught it when bill muttered, "is now a bad time to assemble my ikea desk with my drill?" 

you'd run into bill once again a few days after when you'd gone to use the bathroom on the floor above you where your friend lived, washing out the bowl you'd used for lunch. a 'shh!' had made your brows furrow as you'd walked in, not paying attention as you'd heard a shower stop and a girl laugh from the other side of the bathrooms. 

but a deep voice grunting 'ow, fuck' made you freeze and then feel hot, wondering what kind of luck you have to be in the bathroom when some people were hooking up in the shower. but you're reminded that you had the worst luck when you go to leave the bathroom and two figures round the corner, hair soaking wet and hoods pulled over their heads. making eye contact with him, he must've seen how flustered and irritated you were, because he cracked a grin, "good to see you again, neighbor. you sleeping well these days?" 

that was only a few days ago. you'd seen him in passing at a party at one of the frats, but had avoided any interaction with him after you saw him and his friend with the glasses snickering to themselves after sneaking looks to you. god, you didn't want to face them again - they were so mocking, so cocky.... so rude, and they made you feel like you were being insane just for wanting to have peaceful sleep. bill was not your favorite person. 

but as bad as the first two experiences were, the third time you had the misfortune of interacting with bill, it was the worst. 

your roommate was out for the weekend, and you'd found yourself stuck with your leg and ankle pinned between your heavy file cabinet under your bed and your bedframe, unable to scoot it over on your own to free your leg. 

you were planning on relaxing tonight, after being stood up from a booty call hook up. you’re mad, frustrated, horny, and close to tears now that you’ve gotten yourself stuck pinned to your bed.

it’s nearly one in the morning, and nobody’s in the hall. 

but then, bill walked past your open door as you struggled, and desperately you called, "hey!" 

his double-take into your room, his head poking in, would have been charming if the face was anybody but him. 

"what?" he asks, suddenly noticing it’s you. his voice is not charming and calm as you've seen him be with other peers, but in your stubborn mind, you convince yourself it’s fine; you don’t like him, either. 

"i'm stuck, can you help?" you say despite your thoughts. 

he sighs, dropping his backpack next to your bed and then tugging to try and move the cabinet. 

"how did you do this?" he mutters as he pulls as hard as he can to pull it, but your shoe is too wedged diagonally against the floor, cabinet and frame. you sigh, "thought i could nudge it to the side with my toes, i dropped my dab through the crack." 

he chuckles, trying to instead shove it backwards instead; to no avail. "smart girl." he says sarcastically, and you roll your eyes, trying to help him shove it. "what was the point of you keeping me up all fucking night if you aren't strong enough to move this shit?" you say, exasperated because it's starting to dig into your calf. 

he stops, rolling his eyes at you. "has anyone ever told you that you can be a bit rude?" he asks, moving closer to you to try and push it away. you look down at him from where you stand, elbows on your mattress. "no. you're just a dick. fight fire with fire, or whatever." you mutter, face feeling hot. 

you can't stop staring at his shoulders, his arms - they're so hot, the veins popping out of his hands and forearms, the smell of his aftershave wafting into your nose from where he kneels next to you. 

he just hums. "i'm going to try to push your leg forward and then push the cabinet away." he states, and you nod, just wanted this nightmare to be over. you're still terribly embarrassed and the proximity to such a hot and confusingly irritating boy is making you lose your grip. 

it takes a lot in you to not jolt when his warm hand wraps around your bare leg and starts to pull you, his strong hold on you making you tingle. "what's your name?" he asks, and you almost laugh as his grip on your thigh tightens, the feeling of his fingers wrapped around your skin making you hot. this is insane.  "y/n." you struggle out, throat feeling dry - there's no reason his hand needs to be so high up on your leg, but some part of you really wants it. "it says that on my door." you say breathlessly. 

whatever he was going to reply with is cut off as he tries to readjust his grip on you and the cabinet, but his hand slides up and grazes the skin near the apex of your thigh, coaxing a sharp gasp to fall from your mouth. 

he turns red, looking up at you, "god, sorry." he mutters, and you bite your lip, unable to look away. 

you kind of forget to say anything, stuck staring at him, heart thumping as wetness pools between your legs just from this boy's touch. god, you've got to get laid. 

his arm is wrapped around the onside of your leg, thumb reaching higher on your thigh than his other fingers, and for a moment you hesitate before deciding to go for it: you drop your hand hand to his hair, pulling lightly as you 'steady yourself,' smirking as you feel his shaky breath against your thigh. 

you don't even care about getting unstuck now, all you can think about is being fucked into the mattress by this asshole boy from the fourth floor. you’re not sure where this feeling came from. 

when he finally pushes the cabinet away, causing you to stumble to catch your ground. he helps you get the cart and then push the cabinet back, awkward small talk making you want to die. "why were you down here anyways?" you ask, rubbing your leg. "mike kicked me out to be with a girl and all my friends are out for tonight." he sighs, rubbing his neck. "i have to do homework tonight, just going to find somewhere quiet to get it done." 

"that's surprisingly responsible." you say, looking at him wearily. he gives you an annoyed look, "what's that supposed to mean?" you roll your eyes, "you don't seem particularly academically motivated." you state, unsure if you're coming across as flirtatious or just a dick. he gives you a look as he moves to grab his things from next to your bed. "you seem more pleasure motivated." 

you catch your mistake immediately - and he does, too, smirking. you stutter to fix it, "don't be gross." you defend weakly. 

he's biting his lip and something rumbles in your chest, flames in your abdomen. it's hard to gauge if you don't like him or if you do. maybe you're just horny.

"i thought you were cute, you know, until you showed up at three in the morning to chew me out." he mutters, eyebrows raised, "i get that that was annoying, but it was a saturday. everyone was drunk, i don't get why you are still being a bitch." his face drops when he says that, as if he didn't mean to say it at all, but he doesn't take it back. you shrug, not too offended. he kind of has a point, "i don't get why you have to make everything so much harder than it has to be. doesn't matter how hot you are,  i don't have to like you, you know." you say, crossing your arms with a smirk. 

"believe me, i'd rather you not like me." he says, smile on his face troubling. you look at him, trying to gauge why you're feeling so flustered, why you want to jump his bones right now no matter how annoying he is. "then why haven't you left yet?" you challenge. you figure if you're reading his actions wrong, this gives him an out. 

"because i kind of want to fuck you now." he says boldly. you just smirk, walking towards where he sits on your desk chair, lowering yourself to straddle him. he looks up at you, eyes large and mischievous as he pulls you down on him all the way, your hips grinding lightly. "i think you want to fuck me always." you whisper, lips hovering above his, teasing. you're eating up all his attention, soaking it up and savoring the way he watches you. 

you boldly snake your hand down between the two of you, lips still refusing to touch his, your hand starting to tease his clothed cock as it hardens under your palm. you stroke him as you lean, almost kissing him before pulling away. he glares at you. 

then you move your hips, the tension in your room killing you. he lets out a half-moan, causing you to buck your hips again, relishing in the pleasure it gives you. he leans forward, trying to catch your lips, but your hand catches his chest, your lips just centimeters from his own.  "fuck you, y/n." he says, fed up with your teasing as his hands squeeze your ass, moving to the bottom of your thighs and then rising with surprising ease, holding you against him and making your heart thump in shock. he takes four long strides towards your bed, tossing you on it. you grin, expecting for him to climb onto you, but instead he's walking towards your door, making your heart quicken. is he leaving? 

he slams your door shut, though, and it makes you smirk as he clicks the lock. you're on your back, the sight of him upside down making you bite your lip, eyes nearly even with the bulge in his sweatpants. 

he walks up to you, and you eye him as he bends forward, hand catching your chin, holding your head forward with a strength you didn't expect. "look at me." he says suddenly. you blink, feeling hot as you stare into his eyes. 

"don't tease me." he says, and you swallow, heart racing in excitement. "okay." you croak, and it seems to satisfy him because he tilts your neck from here he holds your neck and chin, kissing you soundly on your lips. you feel on fire at his touch, squirming as you slip your hands into his hair - it's making you so needy that he's holding you, almost trapped on the mattress, kissing him upside down. 

he pulls away and you flip around, allowing for him to climb onto the bed, barely enough time before you pull him in for another kiss, this one heated and desperate. 

he bites marks on your neck as your hands palm him, pushing your own thighs together in need. slowly, you push him down against your mattress and sling a leg over his hip, moving to straddle him. his hands find your hips easily, looking at you like you're the only thing ever worth looking at; your breath leaves your lungs and you steady yourself, the reality of how fucking beautiful bill is hitting you at once. 

you pull his shirt off, yours coming off, leaving you in just your shorts and underwear. he palms your tits, pinching your nipple as you grind down against his cock, whimpering at the feeling of his pants against your clothed clit. "if only you'd come up to my room like this." he says, and you snap your eyes to his, seeing the teasing grin but glaring at him. "maybe you would've been nicer to me if you knew how good i'd make you feel." he whispers as you resume your hip's movement, "shut up, bill." you hiss. he laughs, his thumb making contact with your clit takes you by surprise and you jump a bit, moaning quietly as your eyes close in pleasure. 

"take these off." he mutters into your mouth as you bite his bottom lip. you take off your shorts, quickly resuming your spot straddling him, his lips trailing from your breasts to your throat and then your mouth again, grinding against him in need. he toys with your slit over your panties before he pulls them slowly to the side, spreading your juices on his long fingers, humming as he brings his fingers to his lips, watching you as he licks his fingers. you nearly moan, impatient enough that you kiss him, tasting yourself on his lips faintly; "do you want me?" you whisper against his lips.

"i wish i didn't," he says, "but yes. do you want to do this?" 

you're breathless, beside yourself with need, "yes." you say quickly, tugging his sweats off and tossing them to the floor. "fuck you, by the way." you spit, flipping him off. he grins and it's fucking beautiful, his smirk, his red cheeks, heaving chest. budding hickeys bloom over his neck and chest as he catches your hand, tugging you forward over him, whispering, "you're about to." 

you roll your eyes, ignoring the butterflies in your chest, hand falling over his as he pumps himself. your thumb swipes over his tip, spreading his precum before opening the condom he'd pulled out of his pocket (you don't even want to know why he brought one with him to study) and roll it onto his cock. 

and then you’re pushing aside your panties and stabilizing yourself on bill’s chest. you line yourself up on him and look to him for one last confirmation. he nods, “quick fucking around, babe.” he says, but his voice sounds desperate and his cheeks are flushed and you let out a strangled moan as you sink onto him, the nickname making your stomach flutter. you have to stay and give yourself time to adjust to his size, his moans swallowed by your own mouth as your tongue swipes his. his hands roam your body, squeezing your hips, your ass, your breasts and then rising to cup your neck and back. 

“shit, bill.” you whimper as you slowly start to move up and down. his eyes fall shut in pleasure and his head tilts back, exposing the entire expanse of his throat for you to claim, his hands falling to your hips. your eyes watch his thin necklace shine in the faint light from your lamp and he's filling you up perfectly. 

he looks like fucking heaven.

you kiss his neck lightly as you pick up the pace, bouncing on him steadily as his fingers grip the sides of your thighs.

“fuck, y/n.” he whispers, staring at you with his lips caught between his teeth. the feeling of him stretching inside you and hitting the perfect spot has your legs shaking already, breathing heavily. he’s soon surging up, kissing you deeply as groans fall from his lips, his arms rising to your waist to hold you as you move.

"you're much better when you're not talking." you mutter as you fuck yourself on him, moving your hips as you bounce. he rolls his eyes, "i'd fuck you every day if it meant you wouldn't come ruin my fun every night." he quips back, eyes challenging. and your hand rises to squeeze around his throat, at first as a joke, but then he smiles brightly, a smirk that stirs something in you and you squeeze ever so slightly, the feeling of his pulse making you moan. 

his smirk sends butterflies through your stomach, pleasure swirling in your core. but then his own hand rises to your own throat, squeezing lightly.

you moan, unable to keep it together. "you think two can't play this game, y/n? it's like you don't know me." he tuts, seemingly pleased as you're flushing, gasping as your legs stutter, his hips moving up to meet yours, strokes hitting you deep. “i don’t,” you whisper, and he hums. 

your legs stutter after one particularly satisfying thrust and he grabs your hips, lifting slightly and biting his lip as he starts to thrust up into you. “oh, my god,” you moan as he hits your g spot and he curses under his breath.

your hand comes up to rest on the wall behind him as you meet each other half way, hitting a spot deep inside you that has you moaning his name loud enough for anyone to hear. you hope to god your next door neighbors are out. 

he presses his lips to yours and you know its to get you to stop being so loud - it makes your toes curl in pleasure. then his thumb snakes its way to your lips, his grin widening when your lips immediately part and suck on the finger, humming around it as your hand rests on his neck, the other over his abs as you bounce. 

"so pretty like this, y/n." he leans up, then, sitting up more and changing the angle, making you gasp with a moan as his hand snakes around your waist, pulling you closer to his face with the hand on your face. he pulls his thumb from your mouth with a light pop, your legs barely riding him at your proximity, instead steady on his hips, his cock warm and stretching you. "do you think you'd look pretty under me?" he asks. you swallow, moving your hips again and sliding on his cock, movements making you stare at him, pleasure building. 

"i think you would." he whispers, hand still on your neck. you whimper a bit, sliding off of him, allowing him to climb over you, kissing you soundly before pulling you to the edge of your bed, legs hanging off as he stands in front of you. lifting one leg, he kisses your knee and holds it up as he teases your slit with his cock before sliding into you again, causing you to let out a loud moan, his own melding with yours. 

your eyes roll back at the new angle, legs shaking as his fingers dig into your thigh. “wanna see your f-face when i make you cum.“ he mutters, hand rising to thumb your lip, dragging your bottom lip down.

 "you think you're gonna make me cum?" you bite, knowing no man you've been with has been able to. 

you watch as his eyes admire the half-lids of your eyes, the blissed, fucked-out look on your face. your chest is littered in blossoming hickes, varying from pink to dark red and slightly purple already. 

he says nothing in response to you, but pulls your leg further open, spitting down onto your cunt, making you moan lightly, the action being terribly sexy. his thumb finds your clit and starts to rub perfectly in counteraction to his thrusts, his lips finding your nipple. 

you gasp in pleasure, panting as you start to wonder if he really is going to make you cum. then his thumb rubs circles on your clit and as he presses lightly, you can’t hold off any longer. “fuck,” you hiss as you hit your peak, your orgasm making your legs shake. you can’t help it, gasping and bucking your hips as you clench against his cock in bliss, your orgasm causing you to tug his hair in ecstasy. “so pretty.” he mutters against your neck, pressing kisses to it as you’re moaning and arching your back. "so good, cumming for me." he says cockily. you're panting as you whisper, "shut up," his hips still pounding into yours. 

“god, you're such a sweet talker.” he mutters sarcastically as you look at him desperately, his eyes fall shut in bliss, a deep groan leaving his lips, you can tell he's close. 

"and you're such a gentleman." you jest back, pulling him closer by his shoulders, eyes shutting in bliss. he hums, strokes getting sloppier, "i let you cum first, didn't i?" he counters. 

you huff a laugh, something in your heart twinging in affection. you kiss him so you don't say something stupid, moving your hips with his. a few strokes and he's pulling you closer to him by your back, whimpering into your mouth, “y/n, fuck.” beautiful moans fall from his cherry colored lips as he cums, and you just stare at him in awe, surprised by how hot it is as he says your name. he rides his high and then falls off of you, onto the mattress between you and the wall. 

"hey," he says after a few moments of you both catching your breaths, your hands overlapping on your stomach but not nearly holding hands. it makes you feel warm in a weird way. excited, nervous. 

"what?" you ask, turning to stare into his eyes. he smirks, "you think we woke up the downstairs neighbors?" he whispers, eyes alight with tease. 

you shove him, smothering him with a pillow while he laughs, pulling you onto him. 

tag list:  @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier  @sft-core @clownsloveyou  @moon-shine-baby  @daughter-of-the-stars11 @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @kait16xo @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @groovybimbo @deepestofwaters @unfortu-nate-ly @sassy-uris @loverloserrr @hauntingkaspbrak @soph-ec @hockslutter @babytortie  @decafcoffeew

[letstalkaboutshtufff]

A Bad Feeling Pt 1

Levi x Reader

Part 1

Paring: Levi Ackerman x Cadet reader

Warnings: 18+ attempted rape/assault, cursing, mention of injury, violence

Summary: Reader feels uncomfortable around a overly friendly captain. Are they just over reacting? Or is there something else going on. What will Levi do when he finds out?

***************************************************

A.n. ok so I literally wrote this in one go, it's probably trash but I wanted to post it anyway. Please lemme know what you think in the comments! Thank you!

"Y/n! captain Oro is asking for you" you did your best to hide the discomfort Armins words made you feel.

You smiled what you hoped was a convincing one and nodded. With a deep breath you made your way to Captains Oro's office.

Ever since you had been introduced to him those few weeks ago, he had taken a special liking to you. At first you had been excited, having such a highly skilled and well known captain take notice of you was one of the best feelings. Especially since your squad leader, Levi wasn't exactly heavy on praise.

Everyone loved Captain Oro, he was known for his strength and stamina on the battle field. He was both charismatic, and charming. Your fellow cadets practically swooned over him. You couldn't help but also get caught up in his perfection. At first that is..

Over time you noticed things about your meetings that put you on edge. An unnecessary shoulder touch here, a too low pat on the back there. Something was off. And although you had done your best to distance yourself from him, it was hard when your squads often had to work together.

But it was hard to say anything against him because even your cold blooded captain seemed to enjoy his presence.

Once you brought it up to your friend Sasha, about how you felt he was being too friendly. But she waved her hand and basically said you were worrying for nothing, he was just a friendly guy. And you were being dramatic.

Maybe you were overreacting? If captain levi approved of him, surely that meant he was a decent person right? Maybe he was just being really really friendly.

You decided to give him a chance and knocked on his door when you finally arrived.

"Come in" a muffled voice came from the other side.

With a click you entered the candlelit room. It was nearing sundown after all.

"Ah cadet y/n! Perfect, I was wondering if I might ask your opinion on something?" He smiled angelically and gestured towards a parchment on his desk.

"Of course sir" you nodded and approached him, reminding yourself of what sasha said. Just relax.

From the way the parchment was positioned you had no choice but to come to his side of the desk.

"Do you see this area here?" He gestured to what you now saw was a map. "What do you think of leading a squad through here instead of what we originally planned?"

The next 30 minutes you spent completely and professionally discussing strategies. Being the member of your squad that was best at this, made him asking for you completely justified. You felt bad for ever doubting his intentions.

"Thank you y/n, I think I have a better idea of what course we should pursue on our next expedition" he smiled sincerely.

"I'm glad I could be of service" you nodded and allowed a relaxed smile to pass your features. Feeling stupid you had judged him so harshly.

" If you wouldnt mind just one more thing?" You nodded as he pulled out a stack of papers.

"If you could look over this report of the last mission before I send it out? See if theres anything else to add?"

"Sure, I'd be happy to Captain" you grabbed the stack.

"And please if you can, return them to me tonight, I'll need them for the meeting bright and early"

"Yes sir, I'll finish it asap, good evening" and with that you exused yourself.

Tonight? It was already sundown. Well whatever, hes so busy he probably doesn't know what time of day it is.

You found a quiet spot amonsgt the crowds in the common room and got to work.

************************************

"Oi brat, it's passed curfew, go to your room now, we have important work tommorow" the unmistakable voice of your captain rang through the now empty hall.

You looked up in surprise and meet his usual scowl, not even realizing how late it had gotten.

"Hai, s-sorry captain, I'll go now" you gathered the report and quickly left, not wanting to receive another scolding for taking too long.

Oh crap you still had to deliever the report. Changing routes you snuck quietly down the familiar hallways. Not particularly feeling like running into Levi again. Something about him always made you act just a little dumber and it was definitely not because of your non existent crush on him...definitely not.. he was just intimidating is all.

*knock knock*

You waited patiently but there was no answer. Crap did he already go to bed? But he knew I was coming? Ugh what should I do? He needs these reports..

With a sigh you change direction again and head for his personal chambers. There was no way you were getting in trouble for not delivering these reports on time.

You smiled when you saw dim light flood from beneath the door.

Lightly you knocked, "Captain Oro, its y/n, sorry it's so late but I have the rep-" you were cut off abruptly when the door swung open and there stood Oro.

Except he looked nothing like the Oro you were used too seeing. His hair was loose from it's normal slicked back do, and the edges were dripping slightly. His shirt was loosely thrown on revealing a decent amount of skin. He must've just bathed.. you could see why the girls were so obsessed with him. He was, platonically speaking, a very gorgeous man.

You were taken aback but reminded yourself that you did knock after hours so of course he wasnt going to be all soldiered up.

"U-um s-sorry Captain, I have the reports" you averted your eyes and shoved the reports in his direction.

"Ah y/n, thank you, would you please put them on my table? My hands are still slightly wet." He laughed holding them up innocently.

"S-sure" god why were you stuttering so much, you fight goddamn titans for a living?! But somehow you were more nervous now than when a 10meter was clawing at you.

You entered the room and tried to avoid looking around too much.

You always wondered what the inside of the higher ups rooms look-

*click*

You whipped around, alarm bells suddenly back in full force.

"Captain what are you-"

"You're such a good girl, you know that y/n?" Oros whole demeanor changed and you cursed yourself for not trusting your earlier instincts.

"U-um" you really did not know what to say or do as he took a couple steps closer.

"Always so obedient for me, I think you deserve a reward don't you?"

Shit

"That's not...that's not necessary captain, I really should be going" you tried to lunge for the door but he was quicker and much much stronger.

"I don't believe I dismissed you cadet..." he purred pinning your arms to the door in the blink of an eye.

You were by no means weak, but your struggles were useless against him.

"Let me go" it took all your strength not to stutter in fear.

"How adorable, you know I love it when you follow my orders so well, but I think..." you shivered in disgust as you felt his lips near your neck and press down.

"I'd like to see you fight me as well" you whimpered as he sucked and bit down on the soft flesh.

"S-stop it, p-please" he smirked and looked into your fearful eyes with his lustful ones. "Stop? But that's not what you really want is it? You see I know exactly how girls like you are" he chuckled darkly and moved one of his hands to grip both your arms, while the other slid lower. You gasped when he cupped your breast. "S-stop! I'll, ill scream If you don't!" You felt a tear slide down your shaking form.

"Scream?" He snickered like you had told the funniest joke.

"Go ahead and scream doll, itll be very interesting to see what happens"

"W-what?" You were utterly confused.

"Think about it, if someone walks in on us, what would they think? Seeing a cadet after hours in her superiors chambers?"

"B-but I! I was bringing the reports i wasn't-!"

"Do you honestly think theyll care what you have to say? Who do you think theyll believe y/n? You a nobody cadet who's been fighting titans for 3 seconds? Or me, a selfless hero whos saved countless of scouts lives? All I have to tell them is that you came into my room and tried to seduce me. When I tried to restrain you, you screamed. Who do you think theyll listen too? Why else would you be here so late at night?"

"Y-You're..you're insane, you're not a hero, y-you're a coward who-" he grasped your jaw harshly causing you to wince.

"I'd watch that mouth of yours y/n" he squeezed harder. I am your superior after all, and we wouldnt want any nasty rumors going around that would have you suspended from the survey corps now would we?" He bent down and to your horror pressed his lips against yours.

Fuck fuck what do I do?!? Hes blackmailing me now. I cant fight him, hes too strong, think think think.

But your mind was blank when his cold lips pressed against your lips again. "Open your mouth" he ordered in a voice laced with animilistac lust.

You abruptly turned your head away desperate to get away.

"Heh, always such a tease" he traced a finger up and down your cheek, flipping over your lips. "I'll enjoy this-"

"CAPTAIN ORO, COMMANDER ERWIN REQUESTS YOUR PRESENCE IN HIS OFFICE IMMEDIATELY" a voice shouts from the other side of the locked door.

With an annoyed sigh, Oro pulls away slightly, "Did he say why?" He lazily looks over in the direction of the door.

"NO SIR!"

"guess it can't be helped... Alright tell him I'll be there shortly" he yelled out.

"Hai" the footsteps recended and you stood deathly still.

He pulled away from you and you immediately pulled your wrists to you, they were an angry red, and it scared you how much strength he had so effortlessly displayed.

"Sorry doll, it looks like we'll have to continue this another night" he stepped away and began dressing normally as if he hadn't just been assaulting you 5 second ago. You quickly make for the door but his voice falters your step, "Oh and y/n?"

You dont look at him, but fear held you in place until he finished, "If you mention our little moment to anyone, you know what will happen" you nodded quickly, anything to appease him and get out.

When the door shut behind you, you felt the flood of tears break through.

D-did, d-did that really happen?!?

You held a hand to quiet your sobs and quickly dashed through the hallways.

You're heart thumped and you felt the need to vomit. You hadn't felt this way since the first time youd encounted a titan. All you wanted to do was get to the safety of your room, just through the hall.

It felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown on you when a cold voice shouted out and halted your movements. Please not now, oh god any time but now.

"Oi cadet y/n are you deaf as well as dumb? I asked you a question.

"Why are you out past curfew?" he sounded definitely annoyed and you gathered all your strength to hold the sobs out of your voice.

Without turning around you answered, "I-I had to deliver some r-reports..I'll head to my room now.." you stepped forward hoping he would let you go but you were not so lucky.

"Oi brat, did you hit your head? I didn't dismiss you yet. Not to mention you haven't even addressed me properly, maybe some time cleaning up horse shit will remind you how to respect your superiors" fuck he was definitely angry now.

Still you didn't turn around, you couldn't..."S-sorry Captain Levi, I'll do better in the future.." you barely could even focus on the words coming out of your mouth, your heart was beating a mile a minute. Please just leave me alone!

"Hahh" Levi uttered in disbelief and severe annoyance, even the most novice of cadets turn around when being spoken to by a superior. "Are you trying to piss me off brat?!?"

"No sir..." still you didnt turn around, but gulped in fear when you heard sharp footsteps near you.

"Cadet y/n, you have three seconds to turn around and salute me properly before I throw you into the cells for insubordination" he ordered in his dangerously calm voice, that you never thought would be directed at you.

Having no other choice you slowly turn around, hoping to god the darkness of the room would be enough to hide your current state.

You kept your head down, letting your hair fall over your face, but gave a proper salute. Hiding the Wince that came when the tender flesh of your wrist had to bend.

Your eyes were trained on the floor. And you tried to remember how to breathe normally again.

"At least you remember how to-" abruptly his harsh scolding stopped.

Why did he stop?! Fuck did he notice something. No no calm down, he probably just is coming up with another punishment...right?

Wrong...

Levi was far from being done with dicisplining you but he caught sight of your bruised wrist and furrowed his brows immediately. He knew for a fact the last time you spoke in the hall those had not been there. He was quick to take in the rest of your demeanor and knew immediately that the reason you were acting disrespectful was because something was wrong.

"Cadet y/n.." he said suspiciously slow and not full of anger anymore.

"Y-yes?" Please dont ask me, please dont ask me, please dont-

"Look at me"

*******************************

Part 2 here

Okay so that's part 1! Please comment and lemme know what you think🥰also I'm super sensitive so please no hateful comments. Thanks for reading!

[tanzaniiite]

CHANCE • SINGLE DAD DAICHI

requests: CLOSED

warnings: none!

word count: 1.9k

series masterlist

a/n: can you tell i like single parent aus?

*chanting* single dad daichi, single dad daichi, single dad daic–

“You’re not my dad”

“No, I’m not”

“My dad’s a cop so if you’re thinking about kidnapping me, I suggest you think again“

You laughed at the twelve-year-old’s words. Daichi was right, she was a fireball. “I know, I’m a.. friend of your dad’s. He got caught up at work and asked me to pick you up” You explained, adjusting your purse on your shoulder. The pre-teen raised an eyebrow, “A friend of my dad? Lady, that’s the oldest trick in the book, you need to step up your game if you wanna kidnap a kid in this lifetime” She claimed, crossing her arms over her chest. You laughed some more, covering your mouth with your hand, at least she was being cautious.

“Okay, it’s good you don’t trust me but here’s why you should. I’m a good friend of your dad, Daichi Sawamura. And because he got caught up at the station, he wanted me to swing by and pick you, Suzuki Sawamura, up from school” You explained using the keywords your boyfriend instructed you to use. Suzuki stared at you for a while before shrugging, “Okay, you’re good” She said before hopping into your car. Letting out a relieved sigh, you shot Daichi a quick text.

You put your phone in your pocket before getting into the driver’s seat. “You ready to go?” You asked looking at Suzuki through the rear-view mirror. She shrugged, “I guess,” She said clicking her seatbelt into place. The ride back to Daichi’s place was quiet and albeit awkward. Honestly, this wasn’t how you pictured meeting your boyfriend’s daughter for the first time. Sneaking a glance in the rear-view mirror again, you saw here tapping away at her phone, not paying attention to her surroundings. You mentally rolled your eyes, typical kid behavior, can’t say you’re surprised.

What did surprise you, was her speaking up out of nowhere. “What are you to my dad?” She inquired catching your eye in the mirror. “Well I’m a good friend of his, we went to high school together. So I’ve known him for a long time” You stated diverting your eyes back to the road. You weren’t sure if Daichi has told Suzuki the two of you were dating but you wanted to play it safe, just in case he hasn’t. However, the pre-teen didn’t look convinced. “How come he doesn’t talk about you then?” She pressed. You bit your lip, not gonna lie, that stung. Does Daichi not talk about you or was she just trying to get a rise out of you? Your boyfriend did say she was mischievous like that.

“Probably because we fell out of touch after high school and recently reconnected about a year or so ago. And does your dad let you in on everything about his life?” You asked rhetorically. Suzuki looked slightly taken aback by your comment but quickly recovered. She shot you a slight glare before turning to look out the window. Shit. You prayed you didn’t fuck that up. The last thing you needed was for Daichi’s daughter to not like you. Especially because you wanted to get to know her and get closer to her.

Reaching Daichi’s place, you parked your car in the driveway and before you could even unbuckle your seatbelt, Suzuki got out of the car. You watched as she used her own set of keys to open the door and close it behind her. Yeah, she was upset. Fuckkkkk. Pulling out your phone, you texted your boyfriend.

You groaned, slamming your head against the steering wheel. What a great first impression on your boyfriend’s daughter! Lifting your head from the wheel, you slapped your cheeks a few times. The only thing you could do now is make amends. Getting out of the car you made your way to the door only to find it was locked. You let out an exasperated sigh, you deserved that. Digging out your copy of the keys, you opened the door to find Suzuki at the dining table doing what looked like homework.

She didn’t even bother sparing you a glance as you came in and locked the door behind you. This was going to be difficult. You placed your bag on the couch and made your way to the dining room. Sitting in the chair next to her, you decided to break the uncomfortable silence. “Look, I’m sorry about what happened in the car... I’m sure your dad tells you plenty about his life” You reassured fiddling with your hands nervously. Suzuki glanced up at you, “No. You’re right, my dad doesn’t tell me much. He used to but not anymore” She murmured going back to her homework. Oh? Now you were intrigued.

“What’d you mean?” You inquired placing your arms on the table. The brunette sighed and placed her pencil down, “After my mom and dad split up, my dad was in a bad place. He didn’t get abusive or anything, he was just… sad. Like all the time. And I guess he would sort of confide in me because we were in a similar situation. He lost a partner, I kind of lost my mom. And I got used to that, now he doesn’t tell me anything.” She huffed, “The worst part is that I know he’s hiding something from me. But I don’t know what, I wish he’d just tell me” Suzuki explained glaring down at the table. Suddenly you felt kind of bad. Daichi didn’t tell her about you because he most likely didn’t want to upset her as well as make sure your relationship was solid before introducing a new woman into his daughter’s life.

You placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Alright enough talk about your dad, I’m sure he’ll tell you when he’s ready. But for now, let’s do something fun” You suggested. Suzuki raised an eyebrow at you, “Something fun? Like what?” She asked confusion laced in her tone. You smirked slightly,

“I’m glad you asked”

Daichi sighed as he parked his car behind yours in the driveway. He wanted you and Suzuki to get along. Ever since he and Michimiya split, she hasn’t had a stable mother figure in her life. Sure, Yui got her every other weekend and on holidays but he had sole custody so that wasn’t exactly stable. Hopefully, the two of you could get along because, to be honest, Daichi loves you. And deep down he feels like he’s always had, even back in high school.

Opening the door, Daichi was surprised to hear… giggling. Based on what you texted him earlier, his daughter didn’t seem like she was in a giggling mood. Then again, that was almost two hours ago. Taking off his jacket and shoes, Daichi made his way to the bathroom, the source of the giggling. He stopped in his tracks as he saw you and Suzuki sitting on the floor, doing what looked like some sort of spa activity.

“—and can you believe he tried to convince the coach he was perfectly fine? After taking a dive like that and not going to the infirmary?”

“That does sound like my dad”

Suzuki stated before gasping. “My mask is dripping!” She exclaimed trying to push the homemade avocado face mask back into place. “Wait wait, let me do it. You’re going to mess up your nails” You stated moving her hands away and fixing the mask yourself. “There. Trying tilting your head back a bit so it doesn’t drip as much” You advised, demonstrating what you meant. Suzuki nodded, following your instructions. As she tilted her head back she saw her dad standing in the doorway with a wide smile on his face.

“Oh, hey dad” She greeted waving slightly. Daichi just smiled more, “Hey pumpkin, having fun?” He asked. Turning to face him properly she nodded, “Yeah, your friend is really fun” She claimed, smiling slightly. Daichi’s gaze drifted to you once you spoke, “You’re only saying that because I told you some of your dad’s embarrassing high school stories” You laughed. Hearing that made Daichi’s smile faltered a bit, “You told her embarrassing stories about me? How am I ever going to get my rep as a cool dad back?” He asked rhetorically.

“Dad, to be honest, you never had that rep to begin with”

Suzuki stated, blowing on her nails to dry them. This caused you to burst out into laughter with Suzuki following suit. Daichi couldn’t help but chuckle, he was glad the two of you patched things up. “Haha. Y/n can I speak to you for a minute?” He asked nodding his head to the kitchen. You cleared your throat and nodded, “Sure. Aw man, Suzuki you got me in trouble” You teased getting up and dusting off your pants. The twelve-year-old giggled, “Sorry” She apologized as you and Daichi moved to the kitchen.

Once he made sure Suzuki was out of earshot, Daichi pulled you close to him and placed a chaste kiss on your lips. “Glad to see you guys made up” He whispered. You shrugged slightly, “It wasn’t anything serious, plus there’s nothing a face mask can’t fix” You claimed. “Yeah well, it seems like she likes you” Your boyfriend stated. You looked up at him, “You think so?” You asked. Daichi smiled slightly and kissed your forehead, “I know so” He claimed. You smiled and embraced him, nuzzling your face in his chest. Sawamura hugged you back. The two of you stayed like that until you heard someone clear their throat.

“Do you kiss and embrace all your friends, dad? I gotta tell Uncle Koshi and Azu what they’re missing”

Suzuki said standing at the entrance of the kitchen. You and Daichi pulled away quickly and stared at the pre-teen. “Um.. pumpkin–” Daichi started, only to be interrupted by Suzuki raising her hand. “I already know, I’m not dumb dad. You don’t have any regular girl friends except for Aunt Shimizu” She explained crossing her arms. The brunette chuckled shaking his head, “Nothing gets past you huh?” He asked rhetorically, ruffling his daughter’s hair. “Nope!” She exclaimed smiling brightly. You could only stand back and watch your boyfriend interact with his child, he was a good dad.

“So since you know, what do think of Y/n?”

“She’s nice.. nicer than mom. You should keep her”

Suzuki said, causing you to smile slightly. You weren’t exactly the biggest fan of Michimiya back in high school and especially after you found out what she did to Daichi. So to hear you were nicer than her from her daughter felt good, you can’t lie. Daichi raised an eyebrow, “Oh really? Well, I plan on keeping her around” Daichi stated, smiling at you, “what do think about that?” He inquired turning back to his daughter. The twelve-year-old glanced at you,

“Can we do more spa stuff?”

“Absolutely”

“Can you do my nails again?”

“For sure”

“…what about my hair?”

“Suzuki, of course. I want to spend more time with you”

You said moving next to Daichi and bending down in front of her. The pre-teen looked suspicious, “You sure? You’re not just saying that because my dad’s here? Because we’re a package deal. You can’t have him without me. And I’ve been told I’m a handful” Suzuki stated. Daichi snorted while you laughed slightly. “Yes, I’m sure. Don’t worry, your dad is a handful too” You said whispering the last part. Suzuki giggled, “Okay fine. My dad seems to like you so I’ll give you a chance”. You smiled and gave Suzuki a fist bump,

“Thank you, a chance is all I ask for”

tanzaniiite © 2020 — all rights reserved. do not repost, modify, or copy. do not plagiarize. thank you.

[fruitcoops]

Hey I was wondering if you could write something kinda angsty but with a pretty ending with the cubs, I’m trynna project getting stood up and turning it into something nice and good, even if it’s just in my head. No pressure but I just wanna smile for a bit and your work always makes me do so :)))

Hello lovely! I’m so sorry that you were stood up--that feels awful and whoever did it missed out on a wonderful person. I’ve combined this with some other asks in the same vein (y’all wanted my boys to hurt) so I hope you don’t mind. Sending love and hugs your way! Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove​ <3

1. Bad mental health day for Finn + pushing himself too hard + passing out (ft. Bee anon!)

2. O’Knutzy boiling over with a fluffy ending

3. Insecure Leo

TW for internalized guilt, vaguely implied self-harm (pushing himself too hard at practice), and relationship arguments

Finn had a few bad habits. He left dirty dishes in the sink, could never remember which setting the laundry was supposed to go on, and barely wiped his shoes on the doormat before entering the house. He wasn’t proud of his flaws, but he acknowledged that everyone had some—as long as they didn’t hurt anybody, it wasn’t the end of the world.

This one…this one was different. Even Finn knew that.

He gritted his teeth for the next set of squats, ignoring the ringing in his ears and the climbing nausea in his gut. The chart only said to do three reps, but he had been beating himself up for slacking a set earlier in the week and decided to do five to make up for it.

That, it seemed, was a poor decision.

His thighs were shaking when he finally put the weight down and he leaned on the wall to stabilize himself. “Fish? You okay?” Logan asked from the yoga mat to his right, staring up at him in concern.

“I’m fine,” Finn lied. “Just straightened up too fast.”

“D’accord.” He could feel Logan’s eyes on his back as he left the gym and headed toward the showers.

Finn’s worst habit was taking care of himself, and it wasn’t something that could be explained away as “oh, silly Harzy” like the washing machine. He made a mental note to take some ibuprofen before driving home so he would be marginally less sore in the morning, but he had the sinking feeling it would be a rough practice the next day.

Remus and Talker were playing some sort of volleyball with an old balloon between their stalls when he entered; he missed getting nailed in the head by a narrow margin and waved off their apologies with a forced smile.

A hand closed around his bicep as he passed, snapping him back to reality as Leo’s bright eyes came into focus. “Hey, lovey, is Lo with you?”

“He’s finishing up.”

A small furrow appeared between Leo’s brows. “Is something wrong?”

“Nope.” Finn faked a yawn and stretched his arm over Leo’s shoulder, dragging him down for a kiss on the cheek. “Cap’s workout just kicked my ass today.”

“That’s what they’re supposed to do,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes playfully as he passed. “You’re not a rookie anymore, O’Hara.”

“Yeah, yeah, alright.”

Logan entered the locker room a few minutes later; Finn closed his eyes and breathed in the thick steam of the shower until the fog in his head cleared a bit and he couldn’t feel the skin on his shoulders. It billowed off him as he dressed again and tossed the keys to Leo, who raised his eyebrows. “Me?”

“You. There’s a little bit of slush left, and you still need to learn how to drive in it.” And I feel like I’m going to pass out at any minute. He swallowed down the last thought and pasted a teasing grin on his face—what Leo and Logan didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. It was his own fault for being lazy in the past.

-----------------------

What Leo and Logan didn’t know apparently did hurt them. In hindsight, Finn should have seen that coming before he passed out in the middle of a scrimmage.

The lights of the coach’s office made his headache even worse. “Care to explain?” Arthur asked in a voice like frost. To his left, Sirius was glowering.

“I already told Hestia—”

“Yeah, I know what you told Hestia,” Arthur interrupted. “I want to hear it directly from you.”

Finn sighed through his nose and picked at a stray thread on his jersey. “I…I pushed myself a little too hard at yesterday’s practice and didn’t say anything when I started feeling bad.”

“Why.” Sirius’ eyes were hard as flint.

“Because I didn’t want to be a pain in the ass! I can handle some aching muscles, it’s not a big deal!”

“Not a—”

Arthur put his hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “That’s enough, Black. O’Hara, I want you to look me in the eyes.” Finn raised his head. “This was a dumbass mistake and all of us expected better from you. Your safety and health come before any workout routine, and it is your responsibility to speak up before you scare the shit out of us by dropping like a rock.”

“I’m sorry, Coach.”

“Apology accepted. I also want you to call Heather when you get home and schedule an appointment with her.” Some of Arthur’s frustration melted into genuine concern and guilt crawled up Finn’s throat. “Doing that to yourself isn’t healthy, Finn. You’re a good man, smart, and I know you know better.”

“Can we talk for a second?” Sirius asked quietly, glancing at Arthur. He nodded and left the room.

“I’m sorry.”

“What the fuck, Finn?” Sirius ran a hand down his face, suddenly pale. “What the fuck was that?”

“It was stupid.”

“Yeah, no, I got that part.”

“I slacked off a set on Monday.”

“Wow, nobody’s ever done that before,” he said sarcastically, sitting down in the chair by the wall as Finn resumed messing with his hem. “You scared the hell out of all of us.”

“I know.”

“You know I’m not mad at you, right? I’m upset that you thought you had to do that at all.”

Tears prickled the backs of Finn’s eyes. “I know.”

“I’m sure as hell not your coach or your dad, but I’m going to say this as your friend, okay?” Sirius leaned over into Finn’s field of view. “Whatever you need, I’m here for you. This team wouldn’t be the same without you. I wouldn’t be the same without you. We need you to take care of yourself, Harzy.”

Finn nodded silently and Sirius gave his hand a quick squeeze, which he returned. “Does everyone know?”

“I told them you were under the weather, nothing more.”

“Classic media answer.” He tried and failed to crack a smile. “Thanks for not telling on me.”

“That’s not my job. My job is herding cats on ice skates for five hours a day.”

Finn’s smile was real that time and he managed a light laugh as he swiped away the dampness on his cheeks. “Love you, man.”

“Love you, too.” Sirius helped him stand up and hugged him tight for a second before letting go. “Speaking as someone who used to do the exact same thing, talking to Heather makes a world of difference.”

“I’ll give her a call.”

The cold feeling returned to Finn’s gut when they stepped out of the office; Leo and Logan were waiting by the opposite wall, looking angrier than Finn had ever seen. Sirius patted his shoulder once before walking off down the hallway toward the locker room, where he would no doubt deflect even more questions.

“Hey,” Finn said, barely above a whisper. Logan continued to stare at the ground.

“You lied to us,” Leo said bluntly. “Several times. Both of us asked if you were alright and you told us you were fine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I accept your apology, but I don’t understand.” He ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. “Finn, this isn’t how we deal with things. We agreed to be a team.”

Finn bit his lip. I fucked this one up. “We did. I am so sorry for scaring you—”

“We’re not mad that you scared us,” Logan snapped, still looking anywhere but his face. “We’re upset that you refuse to take care of yourself and then lied to us about it.”

Leo nudged Logan’s shoulder before turning back. “Why did you do that, Finn?”

“I didn’t want to fall behind. I was just trying to make up for the set I skipped on Monday.”

“What? Twenty squats and some pushups? That’s not worth your health, honey.” The pet name soothed the terror clutching Finn’s heart and he took a deep breath. They still loved him. This wasn’t the end.

“It was a stupid thing to do and it won’t happen again.”

“Good. Let’s go home.” Logan grabbed his duffel bag off the ground and started walking toward the door; Leo looked like he was going to say something, but Finn gently took his elbow.

“He’s going to need a minute,” he said under his breath. Logan was a hothead about many things, but lying was in the top three. Finn knew he hurt him deep.

“Did you…” Leo trailed off and pressed his lips together as they followed Logan into the parking lot. “Did you feel like you couldn’t tell me?”

Finn shook his head. “No. This was all on me.”

“It’s just that I know I’m younger than both of you and I’m new to the hockey lifestyle, but I never want you to think you can’t trust me—”

“Leo.” Finn stopped walking and tugged on Leo’s hand, turning him around. Worry was painted all over his face and it sliced to Finn’s core. “I trust you and Logan with everything, but I got into my head about this and I wasn’t thinking about how it would hurt you. Please believe that.”

Leo sighed. “I do. I just don’t get it.”

“Neither do I, to be honest.” Logan was already sitting in the car with his headphones on as they crossed the lot. “It’s going to take him a while to talk to me, isn’t it?”

“He was really upset.”

“We’ll figure this out.” He tightened his grip on Leo’s hand. “We’ve made it through worse.”

-----------------------------

The apartment crackled with tension until Finn literally had to stick his head out the open window to get a breath of fresh air. Waves of frustration and hurt rolled off Logan, though he still refused to look Finn in the eyes.

After dinner, Leo slid into the armchair before Logan could get there, leaving only the couch available. They carefully sat on opposite sides—Finn stole glances at Logan out of the corner of his eye for the entire first half of the movie. Ninety minutes of action later, he felt something chilly poking at his calf.

Logan kept his gaze trained on the TV as he scooted his freezing toes under Finn’s legs. Relief flooded Finn’s veins; he felt a little like crying, but instead schooled his expression into a small smile and rested his hand on Logan’s ankle, where it stayed until the movie ended.

Leo had fallen asleep by that time, splayed out sideways on the cushion with his face smushed against the armrest. “Il est mignon,” Logan said softly. There was a beat of silence and he looked over at Finn. “He’s cute.”

“He is.” Finn cleared his throat and met his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Lo. I never meant to hurt you, but I did, and I’m sorry.”

“Promise me you won’t do that again.”

“I won’t.”

Finn had a few bad habits, but backing out on his promises would never be one of them.

[blazedgraysons]

Could we get a part 2 to the virgin concept please... Maybe their first time idk

a/n: holy shit, i’m so sorry that it took me so fucking long to finish out my requests. i’ve just been feeling super disconnected from tumblr, but here’s a little something as i get back into wanting to write and post. i’m gonna be clearing out my inbox over the next few days (not that there’s anything to clear lmaoo, i have like four requests I want to do), but if anyone wants to send me something, i would love to write it for you! many kisses, angels, thank you for reading anything i write. i really appreciate it <333

warnings: loss of virginity, more first times, an overuse of the word fuck and probably the softest smut you’ll ever see on this account.

(this isn’t really a series, but it’s suggested you read this and this first.)

“Stop trying to be sexy.”

Grayson’s outside, doing pull-ups, soft grunts spilling out of his mouth with every rep. He looks up, a bright smile on his face when he sees you standing at the entrance of the backyard.

“I wasn’t doing anything.” He says, dropping down from the bar to move towards you.

“That’s more than enough, sometimes.” It was true; recently, it seemed you could be turned on by nothing more than just Grayson being Grayson. “Are you done, amour?”

He nods, leaning down to kiss you on the lips before walking towards the bathroom. You follow, sitting on his bed to scroll through your phone while he gets ready for a post-workout shower. Since the two of you have been taking your relationship further, everything’s escalated between you two - this unavoidable tension growing whenever you’re near each other. If anything, it was like waiting for the drop on a never-ending rise of a roller-coaster. You both knew what you were leading to, but neither of you brave enough to take the fall.

“Hey, have you seen my towel?”

And there was this part, the relentless teasing between the two of you. It was like the two of you knew about this cat-and-mouse game you two were stuck in, wanting to see who could give in first. Lingering touches whenever Grayson passes by you, warm hands always on your lower back and upper thigh. And, of course, the always semi-nakedness. He stood at the doorway, skin still shining with sweat from his workout and underwear low on his hips, showing off his abs and deep v-line. His constant working out recently has been paying off, appreciation present on your face as your eyes slowly drag down his frame.

“Y/N.” His voice roughly comes out, breaking your concentration of following a bead of sweat through the contours of his muscles. You hadn’t noticed your tongue slowly swiping over your lips, Grayson’s mouth drying at the small movement. You look up at him, trying to act as innocent as you can after getting caught checking out your boyfriend.

“My towel?” You don’t comment on how his voice is a few octaves deeper, instead choosing just to shrug.

“Probably in the wash. Just grab a new one.” He nods, watching you bite your lip as you continue to work yourself up over your own thoughts. You really weren’t joking when you had said that his presence was more than enough to turn you on, and he was starting to find it really attractive. He’s a simple man, and knowing his girlfriend finds him attractive is a healthy ego-boost, enough to make him want to see how far he can push you.

He walks over to you slowly, feeling a little stupid at this whole seduction attempt. The look in your eyes, however, resolves any insecurity he might be feeling.

“What… what are you doing?” You ask, stuttering slightly as you become eye-to-eye with his dick. You move forward to touch him, slip a small hand underneath his underwear, anything, but before you can, he stops you. He leans down to cage you in, arms on both sides of your body, so you’re face-to-face. He’s close, close enough that you can make out every minuscule detail on his face. He glances down at your lips, eyes several shades darker than when this whole interaction started, and you can’t help but moan softly, clenching your thighs as he moves closer. You feel the heat radiating off of him, and it’s like the two of you are feeding off of each other's energy, growing more turned on without having done anything yet.

He traces a palm along your inner thigh, stroking softly. Before he reaches where you want him the most, he reaches past you to grab his phone lying on the bed behind you.

“Forgot my phone.” He waves the iPhone in his hand before turning back to use the shower, laughing at the long slew of curses you’re throwing out at him. He knows that however long his shower is will be more than enough time for you to forgive him, being apart giving the both of you time to calm down. And if it isn’t, he knows just the way to apologize. He palms himself lightly, turning the water down to a colder temperature than he would’ve liked, but wanting to kill his throbbing hard-on. He knows he promised he’d wait for you, giving you however much time you needed to feel comfortable enough to sleep with him. However, he’s still a man in his prime, and he can’t help craving more than sloppy blowjobs and unpolished hand jobs. He craves you in the most intimate way, and it seems harder and harder to resist picturing you underneath him, softly moaning out with sharp nails trailing down his back, his mouth marking up your chest.

He shakes his head, almost as if trying to physically clear the image from his head. He was more than happy to wait weeks, months, even years until you were ready to be with him in that way, and he wasn’t going to let whatever fantasies he had ruin that. What the two of you needed was a hard-reset, something to break this rising tension between the two of you. He hops in the shower, shivering slightly under the cold water while coming up with a plan to romance you in the way you deserve.

When he’s finished, he walks out, surprised to see you with damp hair and a sundress on, seeming to have taken your own shower in the meantime. You smile up at him, already have forgotten the teasing from earlier. Grayson’s stomach somersaults at your soft smile, heart beating out of his chest with unbridled love for you.

“C’mon, I have a surprise for you.”

It takes about 30 minutes for him to get everything together, ordering some food to be delivered to his house before you find yourself in the passenger seat of his Tesla, hair blowing in the wind as you sing along softly to the Kid Cudi song playing in the background. He looks over, smiling at the way your skin seems to shine gold in the setting sun. You hadn’t questioned where he was taking you yet, moreso curious at the changing scenery as you drive further and further out of L.A.

“You’re not kidnapping me, right? This is the part where you finally get sick of me?” You joke, hopefully trying to prod some information out of your uncharacteristically silent boyfriend.

“You can never be romantic, huh?” He laughs, looking at you over a pair of sunglasses. After about 45 minutes, you arrive at the beach, car parked near the sand. Grayson grabs the food out of the backseat, handing you the blanket that stays in the trunk of his car.

“A picnic on the beach?” You tease lightly. “Very cliche, Dolan.” He laughs, grabbing your hand.

“Humor me.”

He leads you along the shore, waves providing a background melody to whatever meaningless conversation the two of you are having. The moment he finds a spot he feels is secluded enough, he sets the blanket and food down, pulling you into his lap.

“You’re never this nice to me.” You raise an eyebrow jokingly, wrapping your arms around his neck. You pepper light kisses along his face and neck, humming appreciatively.

“What do you mean, I’m always nice to you. Besides, can’t I spoil my gorgeous girlfriend?”

“Mhm, but you’re laying it on kinda heavy.”

“You’re so annoying.” He rolls his eyes playfully before taking out the food, handing you your meal before digging into his. You can’t help but admire the adonis of a man in front of you, the sunset giving him the infamous golden hour wash. He’s chewing on one of the sandwiches he ordered, concentrated heavily on the vegan goodness in front of him. He looks up at you, poking your face slightly.

“Quit staring. S’not nice.” He jokes, feeding you one of the chips. You don’t know why, but that simple act of domesticity does it for you, images of the future flashing in your mind. You see every part of your and Grayson’s life together, coming together like pieces of a puzzle. It seems overly apparent that there’s nobody else for you except for him, and you start to feel overwhelmed with love for him. There’s no doubt in your mind about what you want to do next.

“So, there's something I’ve been thinking about recently.” He turns to you, still chewing on his food. He cocks his head, giving you a sign to continue.

“I think I’m ready.”

“Ready for what?” His eyebrows furrow, confused at the lack of explanation.

“Ready to, y’know.” You trail off, tilting your head in hopes he’ll catch on to what you’re insinuating. When he still looks at you with a blank expression, you move your hand towards his dick, palming lightly over his pants.

“Oh.. oh!” He swallows deeply. “Are you sure, angel? I’m not trying to rush you or anything, just did this because I love you.” Your heart melts even further, and you lean forward, capturing his lips in between yours.

“Of course. Not doing this out of a whim or anything; I want it to be you because I love you. You knew that.” He laughs softly, pulling you closer to him for a light kiss. You lean forward, kissing him deeper, running your hands through his hair and shifting in his lap, trying to guide him in the direction you desired without saying anything.

“Now?” He questions. You nod, already leaning back in to keep kissing him. He pulls back.

“Are you sure, angel? I could make this better, get us a nice room, take you out to a nice dinner beforehand?”You shake your head. Whatever Grayson had planned in his mind, this was so much better - more the two of you.

“This is perfect, amour.” You assure, already leaning back into to continue where you left off. He holds your shoulder, stopping you from going in for the third time.

“Are you sure, Y/N? I want this to be perfect for you.” You stop, pouting slightly at his hesitation.

“Yes, amour. It’ll be perfect so long as I’m with you. Now, please. I don’t want to beg.” You whine, and if Grayson was any less of a man, he probably would’ve made you. However, he could feel you already growing warm in his lap, so he moves to kiss you, pulling you closer to him as he does. He feels every fiber of his being light up, electricity following wherever you touch him. You lean back, pulling on his shirt to get him to discard it. He takes it off quickly before leaning forward to kiss marks down your neck. You moan softly, trailing your nails slightly down his chest. You both lean back, breathing heavily as the sun sets completely, enveloping you two in darkness.

You take him in, not knowing what you want to do next. Even though this is your first time, you still want him to feel as good about this as you do, and so you move off his lap, him looking at you questionably. You lean down slightly, hands moving to unzip his pants. Before you could pull him out of his underwear, he stops you.

“Uh-uh, this is about you.” He grips your jaw lightly, bringing you back up so your face-to-face with him.

“What if what I want is for you to cum with your dick in my mouth?” You narrow your eyes teasingly, moving back into his lap while watching as his own eyes widen at your bold statement.

“Fuck, where the fuck did you learn to talk like that?” You smile at his response, feeling his dick jump lightly underneath you. You roll your hips experimentally, swearing breathlessly when he grips your hips harder. He controls your movements, peppering kisses from your neck down to your chest.

“Fuck, Grayson. Please, I need more.” You’re not exactly sure what you’re asking for, but he, knowing you like the back of his hand by now, is already pulling your dress off. He groans slightly when your tits are exposed, nipples hardening due to the cold ocean air. He leans forwards, taking one into his mouth, sucking and nibbling lightly, circling the other nipple lightly. He switches sides once he’s had his fill, giving your other breast the same attention, watching as you arch your back into him. Once done, he kisses down the valley of your chest, stopping at the edge of your underwear.

“Lay back.” He whispers, moving you, so you’re laid out on the blanket. You don’t hesitate, leaning back on your elbows, so you don’t miss a single movement. He slips your underwear off, whispering a ‘fucking perfect’ once you're exposed to him. He glances up at you again, features illuminated by moonlight, and you can’t help thinking how that statement perfectly describes him as well: fucking perfect. He licks a long stripe before sucking on your clit slowly.

“Grayson!” You jolt, slowly growing wetter with every movement. He slips one finger in, moving slowly.

“Grayson, more.” You whine, bucking your hips. He places a palm down, trying to still your movements.

“I know, I know. Gotta stretch you out first.” He curls his finger a few times before adding another, and you moan louder. It’s slow torture, knowing that he’s right about prepping you properly but also just wanting him to fuck you already. He moves his hand to rub your clit, and you’re done, moaning loudly as your orgasm wrecks over your entire body. You knew it wasn’t going to take much, already having worked yourself up the whole day. He leans back, letting you catch your breath while he slips off his pants and boxers.

“You good?” He checks in, watching as you focus on his dick in front of you. He laughs slightly when you just nod wordlessly and reach forward to jerk him off, hand moving up and down his shaft. He moves out of the way to position himself in front of you, sudden nerves appearing in his stomach. He’s not a virgin at all, but he might as well be, any previous experience flying out the door at the thought of wanting to make this memorable for you. He starts to stress, feeling this overwhelming pressure to make everything perfect. You lean up and kiss the crease that’s appeared in between his eyebrows.

“Just relax.” You whisper.

“I should be the one telling you that.” He chuckles. He coats himself in your wetness before slowly moving his hips forward, thrusting into you softly. And you suddenly understand why he wanted to stretch you out first, because fuck, is he big. You knew it already, having spent a lot of time sucking him off, but feeling every inch slide further and further into you makes the statement even more true in your mind. You whimper softly, and he pauses all movements completely, kissing both your cheeks lightly.

“You okay, angel?” He reaches down, rubbing your clit to help with anything you’re feeling. You nod, taking a breath. It’s not unbearable pain, just a dull ache from a foreign feeling, but the longer he remains still inside you, the more you want him to continue. You moan gently when he throbs lightly, wrapping a leg around his hip to pull him closer to you.  

“Fuck.” He whispers softly, staring down at where he’s bottomed out. He waits a moment, watching every expression on your face for any pain or discomfort. He starts to kiss along your neck and chest again, every kiss peppered with an unspoken vow of forever - knowing he had an unbreakable grip on your heart. You move your hips slightly, both of you moaning out when you squeeze around him. He rolls his pelvis into you, checking to see your response, and your eyes almost roll back from pleasure.

“Move. Please,” Your voice cracks and Grayson almost loses it at the expression on your face, knowing that this is all him. He’s the only man to ever make you feel this way, and if he had anything to do with it, it’d stay that way. He moves his hips again, watching as your face twists into pleasure, almost losing it at the way your velvet walls are gripping him. He picks up speed a little, still rubbing your clit consistently.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” He rasps out, overwhelmed with deciding between to look at your face, breast moving with every thrust, or where his dick is entering and leaving your body. It’s almost like a sensory overload, and he prays he doesn’t cum too quickly to ruin this for you. You moan out loudly, not even having words to describe how you’re feeling, that being the only way to express how good he’s making you feel. Grayson thanks every higher power that the ocean is so loud, because between the wet noises from every thrust and your increasing moaning, he knows the two of you would’ve gotten caught in seconds.

“Fuck, angel. You’re doing so good for me, takin’ me so well.” You whimper loudly, eyes closing from his soft praises. He keeps that in mind, watching your reaction whenever he compliments you. He can tell your close, having spent enough time in between your legs to know when near cumming. Just as he thought, it only takes a few more seconds before you’re spilling on to his dick, back arching slightly. He stops, watching you so he can commit every moment to memory, kissing down your chest.  

“Aren’t you going to cum too?” You ask, opening one eye when you still feel him rock hard inside you. He looks down at you, wanting to shake his head at your expression. Here you are, recovering from your second orgasm, and you’re worried about him.

“About to angel, wanted to see you cum first.” He murmurs, kissing your neck once again.

“Cum for me, Grayson. Please, inside of me.” And fuck, he was close, but that does it for him, thrusting once, twice, three times before cumming deep inside of you, both of you moaning at the feeling. It takes a moment for him to catch his breath, kissing you lazily until he feels like he can speak again.

“How was it?” was the first question that comes to mind, not wanting for you to feel any regret.

“I think I have sand in my hair.” You respond.

“I meant the sex, you asshole.”

“It was perfect. You were perfect, amour.” He kisses you softly, moving your waist, so you’re closer to him. You pull back, and he takes you in under the moonlight, sandy hair (which he knows you’re going to bitch about later) and swollen lips. You look so dazed and love-stricken, and he’s sure that if he saw himself, he would have that same dopey expression on his face. He leans in to kiss you once more until you open your mouth to ask -

“Can we do that again?” He slips out of you, you shuddering at the emptiness that overtakes you.

“Whenever you want, angel.”

“Now?” It’s at that moment that Grayson notices his cum leaking out of you, dripping down your thigh, and he can feel his dick hardening again.

“Fuck, give me 5, and then I’m all yours.”

[lsvdw-blog]

Okay (Alternate Ending)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC

Word Count: 2k

Warnings; Rating: Angst; General

Premise: The aftermath of MC and Ethan's fight about their date night debacle, with an alternate ending.

Author’s Note: This is Part III of the "Already Here" series with an alternate, very angsty, ending. If you want the happy ending... this is not it 😅 The happy ending can be found here. Thank you to @choiceskatie for helping me bounce ideas and pre-reading!! I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading 💖

She struggles to unlock her front door, vision blurry from the tears. She hopes to any and every deity that the apartment is empty as she stumbles through the entrance.

“Serena, you’re home! How did it go?”

Sienna is at the dining room table, jumping excitedly in her seat. Her face falls as she takes in her roommate’s running mascara.

"It didn't go."

“What?"

Serena staggers to the couch, falling face first onto the cushions. "He didn't show…"

"Oh sweetie… " Sienna stands and makes her way to the couch. Sitting on the unoccupied end, she strokes her best friend’s hair.

“Then, I went to his apartment and we had this huge fight and he called us a mistake," she says through her sobs as she sits up and puts her head on Sienna’s shoulder.

"Do you want to stuff our faces with takeout and junk food and binge watch Marvel movies?"

Serena just sniffs and nods her head.

Two hours later, the television is playing a soft melody as they share their second pint of Ben & Jerry's.

"Even after everything… Steve is Peggy's Lobster, just like Ethan is yours."

Serena looks to her left with incredulity.

"You know! Lobster! They fall in love and mate for life!"

Serena snorts. "Have you seen the claws on those things? Ever been pinched by one? Shit hurts," she says as she puts another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.

They sit in silence for a few minutes before Serena’s dejected voice rings out. “Why does he keep doing this to me?”

Sienna scrunches her nose. "Lobsters always were finicky."

~~~ One Week Later ~~~

“Here are the test results you requested, Dr. Ramsey.”

She places the manila folder in front of him and takes a step back, keeping her head down.

Ethan stares at her for a long moment, willing her to look at him. It’s been like this for the past few days: she only speaks to him when absolutely necessary and avoids eye contact at all costs. When she continues to evade his gaze, he sighs, and opens the folder.

His brows furrow. “This isn’t the test we decided to order.”

“Oh. I'll go fix that right now.” She finally meets his eyes and says, “I must have made a mistake.”

His chest tightens: Did she make a mistake with the test… or with me?

~~~~~~

She approaches the office and knocks softly.

“Come in.”

She slowly pushes open the door and sees Naveen look up.

“Ah, Serena! To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing my grand-mentee?”

She gives a small smile as she shuts the door behind her. “I was hoping you would have some time to talk.”

“What did he do?”

She spills the story, only stopping halfway through to take the tissue Naveen hands her. After she finishes, she wipes her eyes, and reaches into her coat pocket, pulling out something folded. “And I was hoping you would approve this.”

Naveen unfolds the paper, skimming over it. “A leave of absence?”

She nods. "I'm not asking for this solely because of what happened. I've been homesick for a while now; it was my first holiday season without my family and I haven't seen them since I moved here… and I don't know, I guess what happened with Eth—” she clears her throat, “Dr. Ramsey, was the last straw. It all feels like it's too much: Edenbrook, Boston.” She shakes her head before continuing. “I just… need a break. Please."

Naveen sits back and takes her in. She’s slightly hunched over, strands of hair falling out of her topknot, the concealer no longer hiding her dark circles, and she’s been wringing her hands since she sat down. The woman in front of him is a shell of the usually confident and exuberant young lady he is used to seeing and his heart breaks for her.

“I will grant you this leave of absence.”

She perks up at his words.

“On one condition.”

She eyes him warily.

“When you feel like you have reset, you must return and talk to him. I am not saying you have to make up with him, or even forgive him. Just talk to him about what happened.”

She is unmoving for a few seconds, then nods soberly. “You’re right, I know.”

“I wouldn’t be much of a grand-mentor if I wasn’t, now would I?” He says with a smile.

~~~~~~

Ethan is walking down the corridor to his office, trying to comprehend the words on the file in his hand, but his mind is elsewhere. The sun has long set, but he refuses to go home. To the place where, everywhere he looks, he's reminded of her. It's not like he'll be able to sleep anyways; he's lost count of how many sleepless nights he's had since their argument, tossing and turning for hours, as her side of the bed remains tucked and cold.

Not only has he been unable to sleep, he's been unable to focus on anything but her: her melodic laugh lilting through the hospital corridors, her sweet perfume lingering in the office, her animated way of chatting with anybody but him.

He opens the office door and a voice in the back of his head reminds him: You miss her, you idiot.

He rubs his bleary eyes and looks at his watch. 8:09pm.

He groans and goes to sit at his desk when a purple sticky note catches his eye. There, scrawled in her loopy half-cursive is a note: Need some space.

He immediately grabs his bag and rushes to the parking garage, hoping he's not too late.

~~~~~~

He knocks urgently, stepping backwards as the door swings open.

"Dr. Trinh, hello. Is Serena here? I really need to speak with her."

Sienna stands there, unblinking.

He awkwardly clears his throat and begins to try and look into and around the apartment.

Sienna follows his movements, trying, and failing, to block his line of sight.

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that Dr. Ramsey."

Before he can speak, she continues: “Even if she hadn’t left yet, she wouldn’t want to speak with you anyways.”

His blue eyes turn a shade stormier at this information. “What do you mean ‘if she hadn’t left—”

“Nothing!” Sienna goes to close the door, but is stopped by Ethan’s hand.

“Dr. Trinh. Sienna… please.”

His eyes are conveying a plethora of unspoken pleas, and after a few beats, she sighs.

“She’s at the airport.”

“What? Where is she going? For how long?”

“She’s going home and she didn’t say.” She shrugs.

Ethan immediately turns on his heel.

"Flight 936!" Sienna yells after him as he sprints back to his car.

He hurriedly weaves between the leisurely drivers and dodges through the lackadaisical travelers in the airport lobby, stopping in front of an information screen. His eyes scan the monitor furiously until he sees it.

Flight 936: Boarding Now.

He bolts to the nearest desk, buying the next available flight, and rushes through security.

He's running like a madman, frantically looking for her, hoping that she hasn't boarded yet.

He arrives at the designated gate area, but she's nowhere to be found. He's about to approach the help desk when a familiar voice rings out from behind him.

“What are you doing here?”

It’s not lost on him that she utters the same words he so callously said to her in front of his apartment that night.

He heaves a sigh of relief. He turns towards her, taking a step forward, only for her to take a step back, and the small smile on his face fades.

“I need to explain myself.”

“It’s a little too late for that.” She begins to walk around him.

Ethan lightly catches her wrist, stopping her. “Rookie… I know I've hurt you, innumerable times, and I am so sorry. Please hear me out and if you still want to leave afterwards, I will buy you a new ticket home.”

She looks into his imploring orbs and sees nothing but honesty. She continues to stare at him silently.

“I didn’t mean it, I—"

She gives a dry laugh. “Oh, come on. Surely you know that phrase not only disregards your behavior, but also dismisses the pain it has caused.”

He shakes his head in disagreement and opens his mouth to refute when she removes her wrist from his hold.

“Ethan, you have always been brutally honest. With interns when they’ve made a mistake, pharmaceutical reps when they’re trying to schmooze you, and with me, concerning the nature of our relationship. So I believe you. I believe that you know you’ve hurt me. I believe that you’re sorry. I believe that you want to make things right.”

He’s unsure of where she’s going with this and his palms are sweaty from the anticipation.

“But I also believed you the other night. Why wouldn’t I when you’ve never shied away from delivering the truth? No matter how painful.”

Her voice gets smaller at the end of her statement.

“But that’s just the problem, isn’t it? You are honest to a fault and that’s wounded me more times than I can count anymore.”

His breathing is shallow, heart feeling like it’s going to beat out of his chest.

“There is a grain of truth in every joke, Ethan, and although I know you weren't joking that night, the sentiment still stands: we mean what we say."

"I made a grave error that night, but I'm here now.” He takes a step towards her. “I ran through the airport to find you before you left and I'm here, in front of you, and I mean it when I say that I want you to stay." His eyes are pleading with her.

"What would you have done? If I had chased you through the airport when you left for the Amazon? Would you still have abandoned me?* Abandoned us?"

His jaw goes slack at her challenge. He wills himself to speak, say anything, but his mouth is dry. Overflowing with guilt, he looks away.

She was sure her heart couldn’t break any further, but it splinters just a bit more at his silence.

She nods in resignation.

"I thought so," she whispers.

She takes a shuddering breath, steeling herself for what she is about to say next.

“It’s clear now, Ethan. I respect you and your feelings, but it’s obvious the same can’t be said for you about me. I keep waiting and hoping that someday, you’ll give me the same effort I have given to you, to us. But I am so exhausted from getting my hopes up, only to have them crash back down each and every time. I fell for you, slowly at first, then all at once. But each time that I fell a bit further, the cuts got deeper, and you were never there to pick or patch me up until the scars had already formed."

He's panicking now, eyes frantically searching her face.

She sighs. "I just… I am always the one getting my heart ripped out. Down this road? I won't survive." She shakes her head. "I can't do it anymore."

Tears are pooling in his eyes. No. No no no.

"I can't do this," she motions between them, "anymore."

The intercom sputters to life. "This is the final boarding call for flight 936 to Kansas City."

She grabs her suitcase.

"Serena," he places his hand on top of hers, momentarily stopping her. "Please don't leave me. Please don't leave us," his voice breaks and his eyes shine with unshed tears.

She shakes her head slowly. "There is no us. Not anymore." 

She moves her hand and suitcase out from under his, and turns around, showing her plane ticket to be scanned. Ethan watches her disappear down the jetway, with a single tear sliding down his face, as he's left standing there, alone.

~~~~~~

*Disclaimer: Huge thank you to @choiceskatie for this line!!!

[the-ferocious-kittyrose]

What I would’ve done w/ Lotor’s character

It’s not exactly a secret to anyone who’s been following me for a while that I’m not the biggest fan of canon Lotor. I had high hopes for the character from his 80s counterpart and intro in season 3 but I was really let down by the direction the writers went with him in canon.

When he was introduced, I was so hoping for him to be this cocky manipulative asshole that’s only out for himself. I love that character archetype so goddamn much.

But in canon he was just kinda boring to me. His personality was bland and his motivations never really made sense. He’s introduced using empty promises of peace and comradery to manipulate people, then its revealed that he actually does want peace and comradery and wants to lead a peaceful empire, then that turns into draining Alteans and wanting to kill all Galra...

I also didn’t like how the writers decide to tack on this whole child abuse plot to explain why he was the way he was. As if that’s the only way to make a villain sympathetic. Yeah other versions of Voltron have touched on Lotor’s childhood before and it was never pleasant, but VLD really leaned into that shit, to the point where it felt like the writers were just shoving angst down our throats thinking that equals good writing.

It takes more than a tragic backstory to make a character compelling. It takes an interesting personally and motivations that make sense. And you can make a character tragic/sympathetic in more subtle ways.

For me personally, I wanted Lotor to be a sorta fusion of Loki and Littlefinger in space.

Loki is a sly trickster who grew up feeling like an outcast, unaware of his true heritage. He grew up believing he could be king but when his shity father handed it to his perfect brother he felt he had been robbed and decided to take the throne by force.

Littlefinger is a small man from a small house with no power, and after getting the shit beat out of him trying to win the hand of the girl he loved, he decided he would use his intelligence and skills in manipulation to screw over all these noble lords and weasel his way into the throne. And when he did he would finally get vengeance on all those who had looked down on him.

I feel like this fits Lotor well. Lotor is a prince, so he isn’t small in that regard, but he is not respected in the way a prince should be.

He is a lot smaller than the average Galra. And even though Lotor is still quite strong, developing a fighting style that suits his small form and uses his opponents size against them, in a society so heavily based on physical strength that’s still a big blow to your rep.

He employs half breeds, which we know are looked down on in the empire. And there are definitely rumors about Lotor himself being a half breed. I think after 10,000 years Zarkon would’ve done a pretty good job at hiding Lotor’s heritage from the public but just looking at him compared to the average Galra there’s going to be some suspicion there. On that note Lotor is probably considered butt ugly by the Galra.

And Lotor works in the shadows and achieves his goals through lies and trickery, which Lotor himself says are things the empire looks down on.

So yeah, the people in the empire hate Lotor. Even Sendak who’s all ‘Gung ho empire’ has no respect for Lotor. And because of this it would probably be up in the air whether or not Lotor would even be allowed to take the throne if his father were to pass, even though it’s his birthright.

And in the face of all this rampant disrespect, Lotor decides that he is going to overthrow his father and take the throne. And when he does he will take vengeance on everyone who had ever undermined him and expand the empire beyond anything his father could’ve dreamed of.

And don’t try telling me, “oh that’s so out of character! Lotor would never take pleasure in the pain of others!” Because he does.

Remember Throk? Remember how Lotor sent him away to the worst station in the empire and joked about letting him, “rot with the ice worms?” Remember how Lotor later invaded his station then watched with a grin as he was tortured by Haggar?

Lotor 100% takes pleasure in hurting those who would hurt him, because it makes him feel powerful.

Now let’s talk about Lotor’s planet. The one given to him and destroyed by Zarkon. I always felt weird about this plot. Obviously it’s a very sad thing to have happen, but I always liked the idea of Lotor’s promises of peace to be empty, a means of manipulating people. So this whole situation being genuine feels weird to me.

In my version, Lotor didn’t get banished for being too kind. He got banished because Zarkon caught him in a plot to betray him.

When Lotor was put in charge of the planet, he seduced and married the princess Ventar. He filled her head with promises that her people would be free and they would rule the universe together and convinced her to secretly round up her armies and send word to her ally planets to do the same, so they could start planning a way to overthrow Zarkon.

It’s left ambiguous whether or not he was being genuine and whether he really loved Ventar and intended to keep his promises to her or if she was just a tool to get the throne. But either way, it ends the same. Zarkon finds out, destroys the planet, kills Ventar, and exiles Lotor.

Still sad/humiliating thing for Lotor, and definitely a story that could gain sympathy from Allura.

Speaking of Allura and Ventar, let’s talk about Lotor’s relationship with the women in his life.

(Trigger Warning: Brief mention of of a rape scene in GoLion)

In the 80s Lotor was incredibly misogynistic. He walked around with a harem of half naked women, tried repeatedly to kidnap and marry Allura against her will, and in GoLion it’s heavily implied that he raped Romelle because she looked like Allura.

It’s a common joke in the fandom that he went from this to drinking respect women juice in VLD but I don’t know if I’d go that far.

He’s definitely better in VLD than he was in the 80s, but even in VLD he manipulates, uses, and hurts most of the women in his life.

Allura is the obvious example, but you also have his generals. Acxa talks to the paladins, Allura in particular, about how persuasive Lotor could be. Implying that she and the other general were manipulated the same way Allura was.

Well not EXACTLY the same way Allura was, romantically I mean. Though there are people who believe that Acxa was also in love with Lotor and he used that to his advantage, which I can see.

But I feel like it was more about giving them a place in an empire that didn’t care about or accept them.

I hate The Last Jedi but I really feel like the line, “you’re nothing, but not to me,” fits really well. They were outsiders with no place to go until Lotor swooped in and gave them a purpose.

Do I think that there was a part of Lotor that genuinely wanted to help them because he saw a kindred spirit in them? Yeah. But I also think that at the end of the day, they were more tools than real friends. And he had no qualms about killing them if they betrayed him.

The situation with Narti proves that. As well as the fact that Ezor and Zethrid seemed very scared of the prospect of Lotor being alive and coming for them.

And then you have Allura. Lotor’s lust for Allura has always been a very important part of his character. In the 80s the reason behind his obsession with her was that he had a lot of baggage about his mother and had a thing for women that looked like her. Also the fact that he just didn’t like not getting something he wanted.

There was never any love. He didn’t want to be with her, he wanted to own her.

In VLD, his want for Allura seems to stem more from the fact that she’s Altean than an Oedipus complex. As well as the fact that she’s powerful and skilled in Altean alchemy, which makes her rather useful.

I don’t personally believe that Lotor ever really Loved Allura. I think he liked the idea of her and what she could do for him, but the end of the day she was more a means to an end than anything else.

Allura’s been trough a lot. Zarkon betrayed her family and destroyed her entire planet only about a year ago from her point of view, and she appears to have a pretty bad case of survivors guilt and PTSD. And to make matters worse, while Lotor was on the ship she was fighting with Shiro, someone she clearly cared about. The idea of loosing him after already losing so much must’ve been really painful.

She was hurting, conflicted, and lonely. Which made her all the more vulnerable to Lotor’s manipulation.

He took advantage of her loneliness and insecurities, making her believe she had found someone who understood her and could help her avenge her family and planet. She trusted him, let herself be vulnerable around him, which made it hurt even more when it was revealed to all be a ruse.

And then you have his relationship with his mother Honerva/Haggar.

I talked a lot about this in my whole rewrite/rant about Honerva, but I’m not a fan of how they made their relationship 100% negative. I feel like it robs the show of a lot of interesting character interaction.

It’s sad. The whole relationship is really tragic. Shit like this is literally my worst nightmare. The thought of looking my mom in the face and have her not recognize me as her daughter keeps me up at night.

But the thing is, in canon the relationship kinda falls flat because Lotor and Haggar/Honerva have no connection. Haggar was awful to Lotor and Lotor hates Haggar. What reason do I have to be invested in their relationship?

So If you haven’t read my Honerva rant, here’s how I would’ve done the Honerva Lotor relationship.

10,000 years ago, when Alfor came to Dibazzal to convince Zarkon to close the rift, Honerva went into labor. Alfor and many Galran doctors tried there best to save her and the baby, but the quintessence had damaged her body so much that she couldn’t be saved and died in childbirth.

Zarkon went ballistic and Alfor had the doctors take baby Lotor somewhere safe, fearing Zarkon would take his grief and anger out on the child.

After Honerva was resurrected as Haggar and throughout Lotor’s childhood, they had a strange sort of relationship. Lotor was an inquisitive child and was always curious about Haggar and her work, making a habit of following her around like a little shadow and watching as she worked. And there was also the fact that, while his father was never friendly, he was calmer when she was around.

Haggar had no idea what to make of this weird child following her around all the time. All these big strong Galra were terrified of her but this tiny child showed no fear as he tugged on her robes and excitedly asked questions about her work. And she never minded. She didn’t know why or how to explain it, but she cared for the child. As much as a soulless undead witch could care for something anyway.

But as time went on there relationship became more and more strained. Lotor was a smart kid he was gonna find out about his mother and deduce what happened to her.

He resented Haggar. Resented her for not remembering him. Resented her for the fact that he had to go through life without a mother while she was right there. And he resented her for being loyal to Zarkon, who had been making his life hell for thousands of years.

Every time she showed him something resembling kindness he’s conflicted. He knows he should feel happy that she cares, but at the same time, why does she care? It’s not like she sees him as her son.

He turned to denial, insisting that Haggar couldn’t possibly be his mother, even though he new the truth deep down, and a part of him always secretly longed for her to remember who she was, who he was, and embrace him as her son. He hates that part of himself.

And when he does meet Honerva for the first time, it’s... tense... to say the least. Having his mother reach out to him and acknowledge him as her son is something he thought would bring him joy, but in that moment all the pain he went through rises back to the surface and he lashes out. He draws his sword and is about to cut her down but he hesitates. He’s trembling with tears in his eyes. He can’t forgive her, but he also can’t bring himself to kill her.

Then you have his relationship with his father.

It’s no secret that Zarkon is an awful man and a shity father, always has been.

The explanation as to why is kinda shaky. All we get is Zarkon saying Lotor is his greatest shame because he’s Altean but I don’t know about that. Zarkon may hate Alteans but he loved Honerva and I don’t think he would be ashamed of his relationship with her.

He definitely did his best Lotor’s heritage from the public. But I don’t think that’s the reason he hates him.

In my version of the story, Zarkon hates Lotor because Honerva died giving birth to him and Zarkon blames him for her death. He lost his beloved wife and was forced to watch the son that killed her waltz around wearing her face.

It didn’t help that Lotor was a snarky rebellious kid that liked to show off. He did things his own way, didn’t care much for rules, and had a real knack for finding loopholes. All things that made his strict father very angry. He was an embarrassment. Small and rebellious. That’s why Zarkon began training Sendak.

I personally believe the reason Zarkon was so trusting of Sendak and had so much faith in him was because Zarkon had been grooming him to be his “true heir.” Sendak is the epitome of what a Galra should be. Strong, loyal, and brave. He would be the son Zarkon wished he had. The favorite child.

Lotor obviously hates Zarkon, and rightfully so. Zarkon hates him for something he had no control over and constantly disrespects him.

Lotor may not follow the rules, but he passes every trial. He excels at everything he does but Zarkon refuses to see that all because he blames him for Honerva’s death.

Lotor sees Zarkon as an old fool. He knows that he could do a far better job at running the empire.

Lotor dedicated thousands of years of his life to overthrowing Zarkon. His hatred for his father was his motivation, what got him out of bed every morning, so when the deed is done and Zarkon was finally defeated, in the moments after he felt empty.

But he didn’t have time to dwell on that feeling for long. He still had to deal with his father’s men and take the throne that was rightfully his.

Then you have his plan.

Lotor’s plan in VLD is really weird and over complicated. There was no real reason for the whole draining Alteans thing. Just a lazy way of making him 100% evil.

The plot could’ve been a lot simpler. He gains the paladins trust, gets them to help him build his ships and overthrow Zarkon, and then once he has the throne he pulls an Uno reverse card and is like, “yeah, nothing personal but this was all a trick and imma lock you and your lions up now.”

Obviously more complicated than that but that’s the basic idea.

One of my main problems with VLD is that they had a bad habit of over complicating the plot. People don’t care about VLD because of the plot, they care about the characters and their relationships, the actual plot doesn’t have to be anything spectacular.

It’s strange to say but I feel like the writes tried too hard with Lotor. He had the potential to be an amazing villain but the writers were too focused on tricking the audience and making him angsty that they forgot to make him compelling.

[upside-down-uni]

Hey! Idk if this is too much t9 ask, but could you rec me 2, 19, 20, 45, 55, 63, 69, 71, 72, 75, 86, 104, 111, 116, 131? sorry if it’s a lot but thanks in advance if u can rec me some! :)

Hi, you're in luck! I have an essay to procrastinate on and this ask is just the right thing to distract me! Here you go, I hope you'll find something that you like:

2. a book with a blue cover

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman. When i read it for the first time I was just on the brink of going to uni, still figuring out what I even wanted to study and this book just wrapped me in a warm blanket and said "it's going to be okay". I love the main characters Frances and Aled, their arcs and especially the really nice and quiet queer rep in this book.

19. a book that put you in a reading slump

The Knife Of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness. When I start a book I generally have the feeling that I can't put it away until I have finished it. With The Knife Of Never Letting Go my problem was that I did want to read it but it didn't fit my mood, so I couldn't bring myself to read it but also beat myself up about not reading it until I put it back onto my shelf. So, I basically pushed myself into a reading slump over this book.

21. a book with a red cover

Honey Girl by Morgan Rogers. I enjoyed this book so much but probably not for the reasons most people would think I enjoyed it? The wlw romance was definitely nice and I really liked them being dramatic but also kind of mundane? What really got me though was the strong theme of found family of young adults and queer friendships, that really yanked the yearning hours wide fucking open for me. (I also liked that in the end the book wasn't as much about romance as it was about finding yourself after surrendering yourself to academia for ages and working through your issues.)

45. a book featuring the friends to lovers trope

The Priory Of The Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon. I adore this book. It's so long and there's so much incredible world building and history in it that it made reading an untter delight! Coming in it was a bit hard to acclimate to the slow paste but after a while I just settled in and enjoyed the ride. It's a breathtaking story in a breathtaking universe and afaik there's a second part coming!

55. a book with a satisfying ending

Yolk by Mary H. K. Choi. Yolk doesn't really have an ending in the sense of a "happily ever after" but I really loved where the author chose to leave the characters and how she did it. The book is quite different from what I usually read, tonewise, but especially that ending made me leave the book with a warm feeling. (also the cover is yellow and really really gorgeous)

63. a book that actually made you laugh out loud

I would've reccd Red White and Royal Blue but judging by your url you've read that already...sooooo, it's Snapdragon by Kat Leyh! Super cute graphic novel, with a weird and adorable storyline and such lovable characters!

69. your favorite mythological retelling

I haven't read a mythological retelling in ages, so basic Percy Jackson by Rick Riordan will have to do.

71. your favorite LGBTQ+ fiction

now that's just rude how am I supposed to choose?? I'll say it's Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire and Gideon The Ninth by Tamsyn Muir and Loveless by Alice Oseman. I feel very strongly and very distinctly about all of them, if you can get your hands on them my only comment is READ. (and maybe make sure you're okay with gothic sci-fi horror for Gideon The Ninth)

72. a book with a gorgeous cover

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth. It's her adult gothic horror debut after The Miseducation of Cameron Post and not only is the hardcover just stunning in black and red, it also got illustrations inside!! (And all teh women are queer and it's deliciously fucked up!)

75 a book featuring the I'm not like other girls trope

I think the closest I can come to that is The Lady's Guide To Piracy and Petticoats by Mackenzi Lee. The main character has to unlearn a bunch of stuff really fast if she wants to get along with the only other people that will help her. We have road trips in the 16th century, kidnapping and asshole husbands to be, piracy of course and friendship!

86. a book with an insane plot twist

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand. Sawkill Girls was my first touch with horror and I have to say I have no idea whether there was heavy foreshadowing. I think I remember thinking that there was something else to come but when the shit hit the fan I just sat there with big questionmarks over my head because I had read the book in a frenzy in one evening and truly did NOT anticipate it. As someone who did not read horror or thriller before this I have to say I was already insanely confused and disgusted by a bunch of stuff that went down. But then...uh. the thing happened and I was just lost. (In a good way though.)

104. a fluffy sweet read

Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann. It's been a while ever since I read it but it's essentially a cute summer story about Alice who's a disaster bisexual when she sees people she finds cute. Which is a little inconvenient because the new guy at her job is really, really, really extremely cute and she ceases to function around him. There's best friend drama, eating pizza iirc and figuring shit out!

111. a book writing a book

I assume it's either "a book about writing a book" or I am literally supposed to rec a book that is writing a book...I'm going to rec a book that is about books! (because I can.) It's The Girl Who Reads on the Métro by Christine Féret-Fleury and it follows a young woman called Juliette wo gets sucked into an old bookseller's world of life saving, life changing books. A really quiet, really cute book.

116. a book with multiple povs

the Reckless books by Cornelia Funke! Simply divine stroytelling, a vibrant world and amazing characters! I have to say that I only know the German original so I don't know what the English translation might be like.

131. recommend any book you like

um. so knife gang members and people who follow my main, you'll once again be subjected to me being a mess because of lesbian necromancers in space! I've mentioned it before, it lives in my head rent free, it is the one, the only Gideon The Ninth by Tamsyn Muir! It's an insane sci-fi horror fantasy blend where Gideon has to play cavalier to Reverend Daughter Harrowhark I-love-being- an-absolute-pain-in-the-ass-to-Gideon Nonagesimus to help her become an uber-necromancer (like Harrow needs motivation to become even more of a nerd and shockingly good at necromancy) for the Necrolord Prime/Undying Emperor. There's BEAUTIFUL WRITING sprinkled with MEMES when you least expect it. There is incredible toxic codependency and repression. There's MURDER. There's fancy necromancy theorems and DUELS. There's enemies to begrudging allies to ??? Staple your socks to your feet or this book will blow them clean off!

[wordynerdygurl]

The Guy

Author’s Note:  Hello my lovelies!  I have to say, I love writing requests and taking part in Challenges.  It helps me sharpen my skills!  But, with the insane way the world is right now, I offered to participate in one... then lost the details.  So, with my sincere appreciation for @lancsnerd​ ,who kindly sent me a reminder about my missing “assignment”, I present the following! Summary/ Prompt:  A quote of “He’s the guy” and my boy, Loki Pairing:  Female Reader x Loki Warnings:  Swearing, Implied Smut, Fluff, Soft Loki

“Are you gonna tell me what I want to know?  Or… do we have to do this the hard way?”  Gravel filled and low, the Winter Soldier had you pinned against the rough brick wall, his metal arm holding your wrists together.

“Ooph!  Bucky!  Get off!”  “Make me, princess!”  

Kicking your legs free, you swung around Bucky, locking him in a bear hug from behind.  Squeezing him with your thighs, your forearms wrapped around his strong neck, “Tap out, Buck!” Wheezing, staggering back, Bucky tried spinning you around but even his metal arm was unable to grab you, “Never!” Applying more pressure to his windpipe, you grunted, “Give me the win!” “No way”, you felt his hard hand grip your thigh, breaking your hold.  Suddenly you were untethered, above your feet was the ceiling of the gym, and then there was no breath in your lungs.  Bucky had managed to flip you over and slam you down onto the waiting mat with reverberating force.  Gasping loudly, you curved up to meet Bucky’s waiting hand, “You alright, doll?”

Shaking your head, sitting up, “That was a dirty trick, Barnes.  I had you and you know it.” “Yea… but you still haven’t answered my question, so I couldn’t let you win.”  Pulling you to your feet easily, Bucky threw his arms around you, his warm hug an easy way to make sure there would be no lasting damage from your sparring session. “Why do you want to know so bad?”  Lowering yourself to the workout bench, forearms resting on your knees, you kept a close watch on your sparring partner. Tossing you a towel, Bucky grabbed both of your water bottles, sitting down on the mat in front of you.  Wiping the sweat away from your forehead, slugging down the cool water, you kicked at the super soldier sitting criss cross applesauce.  Leaning back, resting his weight on his arms stretched behind him, “Because...  I worry about you.  I want to make sure you’re safe… and I want to believe this guy is good enough for you.” Considering his words, you snapped your bottle shut, nodding, “I get it, Bucky.  I really do.  I’m just… not ready to talk about it.” Sensing your hesitation, Bucky patted your knee, “Just know that I’m here when you are ready.  And if he fucks up, I’ll kill him.” Laughing, you stood up with a groan, “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind!” At dinner that night, Steve knocked into your shoulder, “Hey kiddo.”

“Hey Stevie!  How are you?” “It’s spaghetti night, what more does a guy need?”  It was an easy exchange, making you chuckle as he loaded a plate high with pasta and sauce before settling himself into the chair next to you. Unfolding a napkin to lay over his trousers, “Bucky told me you’ve met someone?” Flicking your eyes to the Winter Soldier, who all of the sudden was very interested in something Tony was saying, you munched on your garlic bread.  Swallowing thickly and patting your mouth clean, you turned to Steve, “Oh, he did huh?” “Yes… but he says you won’t give up this guy’s name?”  Concern was present on your friend’s face.  While you appreciated Steve's sentiment, it wasn't necessary, not entirely.  You knew what you were doing and you didn't want to be talked out of it, even by your well intentioned friends.

"I don't know why everyone cares so much.  He's a guy… I'm a girl… it's traditional and boring."

Swirling a fork through his saucy plate, lifting those dutiful blue eyes to yours, "So why the secrecy?"

Chewing, thoughtful, you considered Steve's question.  It was valid.  You were quick to acknowledge that, answering, "Um… because we're still in that love bubble.  Ya know?"

Chiming in, Bucky curious now, "Love bubble?  I don't know what that is… what does that mean?  Love bubble?"

"It's that time in a new relationship when… um… it's like…" words failing, you desperately tried to give structure to your argument.

Interrupted by Loki, sulking at the end of the long table, "She doesn't want to share her paramore.  Greedily, she wants to keep the pair in a love bubble.  Separate and safe from any interference.  Unpopped, if you will."

"Is that true? You don't want us to bug you?"  Bucky's eyes widened at the thought.

Shrugging, you dug around for another meatball, "Kinda… Look, it's not that I don't love you, Buck.  Or that I don't trust you, Steve.  It's just… all of you can be a lot to deal with.  And-" looking at the faces of each of your Avenger friends, "-my… guy… I really, really like him.  I don't want to scare him away."

Admitting it out loud, that was taking a lot of your courage but you were being completely honest.  This guy, he was just about perfect and you didn't want to blow that by bringing him around your overprotective people so soon.  Natasha, the group's mama bear, smiled.  "Seems reasonable to me.  Give her some time, fellas… if he's half as great as she says, we'll like him well enough."

Steve, smiling a little in your direction, "I don't know who he is… but it seems like he makes you happy!"

Bucky, over protective, kept hounding you, "When will I get to meet him?"

"Soon, Buck.  I promise." 

"I wonder who it is… this man you care about so much that you're protecting him from us, your dearest friends!"  It was Loki, musing from afar that made the observation, his sharp eyes on you.

"I told you-" It was Tony’s turn to interrupt, loudly calling, “FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Mr. Stark?” “Start a pool.  Five dollar buy in, guesses on who this guy is… whoever has the winning answer gets the kitty!” “Tony!  Not cool!  And, not necessary!  You guys don’t really need to do this!”  But your protests went unheard as chatter erupted and a round of bills were flung on the table. Steve, murmuring to Bucky across the table, “What was that guy at the coffee shop?  Cameron?  Carson?” Snapping his fingers, Bucky answered, “Carlton!”

“He’s my guess, Tony.”  “Shit, Steve.  That’s not fair… but, ok.  Ok, my guess is Matt.  That guy from the pizza place who kept bringing extra chicken fingers for you!  You’d never admit to a date with him!”  Bucky, smug and pleased, sat back content with his detective work.

“Natasha?  Thoughts?”  Tony was typing away, his interface with FRIDAY recording all the back and forth, compiling the list of possible boyfriend candidates. Tapping her lip, Nat watched you, “Hmm… Is it Warren?  The kid from China Star who rode the Kawasaki and always wanted to take you for a ride?”

Clint leaned over you, grabbing a breadstick as he threw down a ten, “I want to put Charles, from the IT department on the list… and Juan, the recycling rep.  Both of those guys follow you around like puppies and I could see you taking pity on at least one of them!” “Nope.  No way!  She went out with Charles once already.  He was the guy who ate her french fries at dinner.  Big No-No!”  “Rhodes, how do you remember that shit?  Fine, not Charles then.  What about Frankie?  The dude from the diner?”  Clint asked the assembled team, looking for someone to back him up.

Mortified, hiding behind your hands, you grimaced.  The list, it kept growing, and you could feel icy eyes of judgement lighting you up from across the room.  You knew you’d have to answer questions later.

Jane, having joined Thor at the table, was getting caught up on your situation.  Conspiring with her Norse God of a boyfriend, she chuckled, slapping a bill on the table with the announcement, “Our money is on Loki.”

Silence overtook the room.  Everybody stared at the small, brunette scientist, evaluating if her suggestion was real or a joke.  A guffaw broke out of you and quickly gathered steam, propelling you directly into a hiccup filled giggle fit.  In a flash everyone joined in, the idea of you and Loki being together was at once so hilarious and unbelievable. It was also diverting enough that the talk of your love life died completely.  Grateful and satisfied, you finished dinner without any other questions, even offering to do the dishes.  While you were scraping remnants into the compost bucket, you felt the room’s temperature drop, noticing that Loki had slid into the room, "Love bubble is it?"

Dropping the plates into the sink, plunging your hands into the soapy water, his strong ones glide over your shoulders, "Yes.  I'm really enjoying our little bubble of love."

“Me too.”  Pressing a small kiss to the curve of your neck, Loki pulled your body close, hugging you tightly from behind.  As Loki was nearly a foot taller than you, it was nothing to tip your head up, his welcome mouth finding yours for a soft kiss.  Curving your back, your bottom rubbed against his pelvis, his desire already rising. “Although, they had a lot of suggestions, my innocent little kitten.  Should I be worried?” Shaking your head, “No.  None of those… meatballs compare with you, Loki.” “Good.  That makes me glad… and I’m pleased to know how coveted you are, my pet.”  Roving hands took the liberty of sliding under the hem of your shirt, fingertips just grazing over your bra covered breasts.

Sighing into Loki’s loving touch, “Not that you were much help!"

"What can I say?  I like seeing you squirm"  his lethal voice purred, warm against your ear.

Pirouetting in his arms, your damp hand brushing back a strand of dark curls, "Jane almost gave us away.” A small smile, almost sad, pulled down Loki’s lips, “Is the idea of you loving me so hilarious?”

“Not to me.”

His head dipped, lowering those pink lips to your own, almost colliding… when laughter, drawing near, broke your moment of connection. Effectively ending your private chat, Thor stomped confidently into the room unaware of the way Loki jumped back as if scalded, or the way your hands trembled at the possibility of discovery.  “Brother!  I need to speak with you!” Flicking his desire filled eyes to yours, Loki smirked, “Of course… to what do I owe the honor?” “I have asked Jane to be my bride!” “Brother!  It’s about time Jane made an honest man out of you!”  Loki, more than a little surprised but genuinely pleased for his sibling, hugged Thor close.  “YAY!  That’s so exciting!  Have you guys picked a date yet?”  Wiping your hands dry, leaning against the sink, you were happy to hear all of Thor's big news. Shaking his blonde head excitedly, “We shall be wed in three months time… and I was hoping that Loki would play for our special day?” 

Loki, blushing a deep rosy pink, “Thor… It’s been years.” 

“So?  What of that, God of Mischief?  You always find a way”, wagging a finger at his dark hued brother, Thor’s teasing grin was sweet. Piling on excuses, trying to gently defer his brother’s marital request, Loki added, “I don’t think I have a suitable instrument.”

That was enough for your mouth to hang open, “Wait… you want Loki to perform?  Like play music?  At your wedding?”  “Of course!  He’s the best chamber musician in Asgard.  Possibly the entire Nine Realms.”  Pride filled Thor’s words at Loki’s accomplishments, something you found impossibly charming, even if you couldn’t quite believe what he said was true.  

“Thor, really… I don't think-" Clapping a broad hand onto his younger brother's shoulder, Thor’s tone changed, “Music from home, Loki. It would mean so much, especially since… Mother and Father-”  

Loki held up a hand, stopping Thor from going further into emotional sincerity, unable to bear the rawness in his brother’s words.  Closing his eyes, agreeing, “Fine.  Ok, I’ll… I’ll do it!’  Loki could sense your watchful eyes on him, curious and questioning, as he gave into his older brother.    

With his easy smile spreading, Thor’s joy pushed the cloud of sadness away, “Our special day will be filled with music!  And flowers!  Jane has a whole… Pinterest board?  I don’t know what that is but she’s filled it with ideas-” spinning around to grab you off your feet, Thor continued, “And you’ll be invited too!  All of the team must come, not just my wayward brother!” Getting swept up in Thor’s passionate excitement, you laughed, offering up more congratulations and promises of attending.  As your toes touched the floor, Thor pulled Loki away, “Jane says you will take Darcy as a date for the ceremony.” Tilting his head, Loki shrugged shyly, speaking loud enough for you to hear, “Uh… actually, I already have a date.” Gripping Loki in a rib smashing hug, Thor squeezed his little brother tightly, “That is marvelous news!  Jane will be so pleased!  So, who’s the lucky girl?” Smiling, you watched them go, happy to see the pair so connected.  You didn’t need to hear Loki’s answer.  You knew who he’d be taking to Thor’s wedding.

That night, as you were toweling dry your cropped hair, a pop of green light signaled the arrival of your secret boyfriend.  He was positively electric, grabbing you by the terry robe covered hips, and kissing you swiftly.  Loki's hands rubbed over the soft fabric on your back until they cradled your smiling face, "Hmm… you smell so clean that it makes me think dirty thoughts."

Giggling, you rose up on your toes, curling your hands into his tangle of dark hair.  You bent his waiting mouth to your own, savoring the sensation of shared breath, as your tongue flicked over Loki's lips, “Dirtier than that?” Nodding, his heated look hungry, “Oh yes.” "How dirty are we talking?", you teased, resting your cheek against Loki's chest.  His rich laugh, rumbling through his core, joined your own.  Pressing his forehead to yours, Loki sighed sweetly, "I missed you…"

"I just saw you at dinner!"

"But it's been too long.  I… I need more."

Turning to hang up your towel, over your shoulder, "More what, my prince?"

"More of you."  Having gained on you while your back was turned, Loki was behind you now, wrapping his long arms around your waist.

Squealing, delighted, "LOKI!  Someone will hear!"

Dropping you quickly on the mattress, Loki shimmied up beside you, toying with the open collar on your robe, "So?"

"So… they'll find you here."

Thoughtfully, Loki’s proud look captured your own, "Maybe I don't care.  Not anymore… Maybe I don't want to keep you and me… us, a secret."

Swallowing hard, your gaze trapped by Loki's earnest expression, "Really?  You're ready to pop the love bubble?"

His fingertips brushed over the thin skin between your breasts, "Yes?  I… I think so.  Are you?"

Biting on your bottom lip, scrutinizing his handsome face, "Loki, I…"

Freezing, his hand stalled, and Loki sat back on his heels.  Looking out your window, shoulders slumping in resignation, "You don't want to tell anyone.  You are ashamed to be with me."

Swiftly sitting up, cupping his face with your hands, crooning, "No, no, no, no, no, no!"

Shrugging away from your touch, "You don't care for me, not like you claim to, if you won't declare your feelings for all to hear."

"Loki!  That's not it at all."  

Letting you tug him closer, Loki's tear filled eyes still refused to meet your own, "Loki… I… I love you.  And… I just don't want to share you.  Not yet, anyway.  That is-" putting your arms around his neck until you were nose to nose with the red-rimmed eyes of an emotional Odinson, "-my only reason for keeping our romance quiet."

Whispering, Loki was too shocked to shake you off, "You… love me?"  His voice wavered, as if the idea of being loved by you had never been a real possibility, as if something impossible was occurring right here and now.

On your knees, sighing, you started pressing tiny kisses along those sharp as knives cheekbones, "Yes.  I am crazy in love with you, Loki Odinson."

Loki had held you tightly before; in the night when terrific dreams haunted his sleep, in the night when he claimed your body for his own.  But this embrace, after telling the dark Prince the truth in your heart, had no equal.  

Still taller than you, even though you were both kneeling, Loki's right arm wove around your waist forcing your hips flush with his own.  His left supported your back, his hand cradling the nape of your neck, helping him kiss you soundly.  It was conquering.  

You were his.  Body and soul.  What's more?  He was yours.

Coming up for air, panting from the work of loving you, "My dove, my dearest one… I love you too."

Shucking your robe was easy and Loki savored the lavender soap scented skin he exposed.  If a spot of you wasn’t kissed, it was licked. If not licked, nipped.  If not nipped, it was caressed.  And Loki was very thorough. When you mewled, weak from forced pleasure, “Loki… please.  Make love to me.” he was eager to comply. “Look at me, darling girl.”  Puffing out your pleasure filled breath, skin dewy with perspiration, you met Loki’s eyes with your own.  Resting his hand over your heart, he lifted your own, letting you feel the pattern of his pulse.  “It beats for you and for you alone.” In the afterglow, laying in Loki’s arms, you stifled another giggle.  Groggy from exertion, Loki opened one eye, “What’s so funny?” “You never told me you play a musical instrument.” “You never asked.”

“Are you any good?”

“You’ll find out when you accompany me to Thor’s wedding.” --- With his heavy cello, Loki took a seat on the edge of the dance floor, taking just a moment to get settled.  A beautifully strange combination of concentration and relaxation mingled over the features you loved so dearly.  Fiddling with strings, taking a moment to tune the instrument, you admired his long, talented fingers as they took their place on the frets. The din of conversation was silenced when the first low note of Loki’s song echoed through the ballroom.  Everyone paused, entranced at the melody weaving its way through the throng of well wishers.  Many were surprised, but not you, not entirely. You knew how long Loki had been preparing for this moment.  It wasn’t all about making Thor’s day special, although, that was surely part of it.  No, he planned to seduce every single person with sound.  Giving all of the attendees a taste of what being loved by Loki was like, he hoped The Avengers would see that he was worthy of you in all ways. Mesmerized, the bow danced over the strings, each note perfectly played.  It wasn’t hard to picture those shapely digits dancing over your skin in the dark of night.  Sending a shiver up your back, you sipped at your champagne, unwilling to take your eyes off of Loki. “I didn’t know he was so talented.”  Bucky, stiff in his tuxedo, sidled up to you with Steve in tow. “Me either.  Look at those fingers fly!” “Guys… hush.”  Shooting a silencing glare their way, you let the music transport you, swaying just a bit at the soothing sound. Too soon, in your opinion, the last lingering note of Loki’s song filled the hall.  Rising swiftly, Loki bowed at the applause, then turned to the happy couple.  Thor hugged his brother close, while Loki kissed Jane’s hand with a gentlemanly air.  Conversations started again, quiet at first, then gaining strength as Loki strode across the room.  Snagging a glass of champagne from a passing tray, his eyes trained on you, Loki accepted accolades as he moved ever closer.  Another server took his empty glass as Loki finally made his way to you.

Scooping you up, Loki spun you slowly in a circle, your gown snapping behind you in an emerald wave of chiffon and lace.  “Loki!  Come on, put me down!” “As my lady commands”, when your mouth passed close enough to his own, Loki kissed you as if you had never kissed before.  You pushed your hands through his dark locks, a hand on each side of his face, “You were amazing, babe.  Just amazing!”

“You really think so?” “Absolutely!”  His arm settled on your waist, keeping you tight to his side, as you were handed another glass of bubbly.

Bucky, leaning against Steve, wore a look of wide eyed shock, “Um.  Loki… what the fuck are you doing?"

"Agent Barnes, do I really need to explain?"

Mouth dropping open, Bucky gaped, "He’s the guy?  Really?  You’re telling me Loki is the guy?” “She’s not telling us, Buck… she’s showing us.”

“But Stevie…?  Loki?  You?  You’re the guy who makes her happy?  The one who she’s been covering for?” Pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead, just a touch guilty, “I am.  And, I’m madly in love with her.” “I’m happy Bucky.  Stevie… really.  Loki is… he’s my everything.  I love him, too.”  

As your secret was outed, the group formed a circle around you and Loki.  Questions were shouted, congratulations extolled, Loki was clapped on the back more than once.  Natasha gave you a wink and the "ok", which was really all the approval you needed. 

“So, who won the pool then?”, Clint couldn’t help asking. “Me… and Thor”, the bride stepped right up to Tony with her hand out ready to take the prize money. “No fair!  He’s your brother in law now.  He probably told you!”  Rhodey chimed in, unsatisfied with the final results. Defending her methods, Jane spun in her wedding dress, “No way!  I used my powers of scientific deduction.  I knew she was head over heels for Loki the night we announced our engagement.” Wondering, you looked at Jane, “You did?  How?  I mean, I didn't tell anyone.  We didn't tell anyone ” “You didn't have to!  You two wouldn’t look at each other.  Dead give away.”  Counting her cash, Jane smiled at you. “That may be true, but I promise you this, Odinson… break her heart and I’ll kill you.”  Bucky shook Loki’s hand good naturedly, if a little too long, stopping only when Steve pulled him away. Gazing down at you, adoration evident in his face, Loki husked, “Not to worry, Agent Barnes.  She has my heart you see... and I plan to be her guy as long as she’ll have me.”

Tagging my Minxes:  @lancsnerd​ @vodka-and-some-sass​ @just-random-obsessions​ @brokenthelovely​ @lots-of-loki​ @thefallenbibliophilequote​ @sammy-jo1977​ @queenofmischief​ @iamverity​ @iluvsumbucky​ @unadulteratedwizardlove​ @wolfsmom1​ @procrastinatinglikeabitch​ @mizfit2​ @shxdowofdarkness​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @ahintofkiwistrawberry​ @jessiejunebug​ @rorybutnotgilmore​ @crystalizedcaramel​ @lokislittlecorner​ @scrumptious-finicky-illusion​ @capcapcapsicle​ @jamielea81​ @caffiend-queen​ @thenatalie @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore​ @is-it-madness​ @jenjen8675309​ @alexakeyloveloki​ @poetic-fiasco​ 

[buck-nialled]

Can you write an imagine about y/n and Niall having been in quarantine for a couple of weeks now and now it's that time of the month for y/n and she feels like she might die from period cramps 😬

aunt flo can be a bitch sometimes, but i hope you like this anon! 

Almost Everything - N. Horan Imagine

You woke up with a horrible churn in your lower abdomen. The daylight peering through the windows blinded you temporarily as you rolled your body over in hopes to find a more comfortable position but to no avail. As a result, your abdomen let out a small groan that you harmonized with, the sounds of you in pain filling the air. It was not until then you noticed Niall was not in bed with you and had probably woken earlier to make breakfast or exercise and whatnot. This you were thankful for, as Niall did not have to endure the sounds of your suffering as much as you endured the suffering itself. You mustered the energy to roll to the edge of the bed and stand yourself up. You were too in need of a restroom to even look back at the bedsheets, you knew they would most likely need a good wash after your quick trip to the toilet.

You hobbled to the bathroom and let a sigh of relief when your hand reached the handle to the cabinet below the sink. You swung the small door open, and the sight of the space was all it took to make your face fall.

“No…no no no no…” You mumble repeatedly, and your hand reaches out to pat the void area to indeed confirm that you were out of tampons. “Shit.” You sigh, while you let your head fall back. It was your fault if you were being honest. After being quarantined for weeks, your mind was occupied on many other things than your time of the month, and you remember specifically running out of tampons last month before California had been put on lockdown. You kept reminding yourself in your head to stop by a pharmacy before your next one came, but all of the news stories and growing numbers of those infected with the virus eclipsed those thoughts greatly.

Another painful twinge hit your side and all you could let out was a whimper. You swore to yourself to be careful and pay close attention to this one thing when moving in with Niall. That was not to say you were not careful about your period before moving in with him, because you were. But when you decided to take the step of sharing everything with your boyfriend of two years, this was something you did not feel comfortable opening up about. And maybe you would if only you knew how Niall felt about it—you are not aware of how squeamish the boy was or how personal was too personal when discussing your lady parts and the torture they bring upon you every 25 days or so. So you wore tampons, checked your calendar periodically (except for this month, apparently) and took medicine to ease the pain as best you could to ensure no signs were showing.

MEDICINE! The thought of pain relievers came to mind, and you opened the second cabinet beside the first, digging through all of the bottles of vitamins and various prescriptions from your and Niall’s past. You found no sight of a single pain-reliever, which made the next ache swarming below your stomach feel ten times worse than before. Where could that have gone? That was it—there was no use in pretending like things were fine and dandy like usual because they were certainly not. Pain and hormones swirled together in a tragic storm within you and you felt tears prick your eyes, could the day get any worse? You needed help, now. There was no having an ‘almost’ in front of the ‘everything’ you shared with Niall. It had come to everything now, and you could not help but feel embarrassed.

“Um—Ni-Niall?” You called out from the bathroom, as you stood up to take a seat on the toilet. Might as well, you were going to be in here awhile.

“Niall?” You called out once more, hearing a shuffling in the distance. Finally, the familiar sound of your bedroom door creaked open and you heard his voice float in question around the room.

“Y/N? Where are ya, love?”

“I-in the bathroom. Don’t come in.” You demand through clenched teeth and heavy breaths. At first, you were optimistic, thinking “hey, at least you aren’t pregnant through all of this madness” but now you were positive contractions would hurt less than the pain you were experiencing in the present time.

“Okay…are you alrigh’?” His voice grew closer, a sign that he was now stood outside the bathroom door.

“I-uh….no, not really. Niall?” You truly did not want to disquiet the man, but that was a near-impossible task when he worried about you even in your best moments. He would never stop checking up on you.

“Yes, petal? What is it?” The sound of a nickname he knew you loved leaving his lips seemed to make the affliction tolerable for a moment.

“I ran out of…medicine. Pain-killers…do you think you could—”

“I’ll run up and go get ya some right now, love. Don’t even worry about it.” Niall interjects.

“Okay…I need tampons too.” Your face contorted not only at another painful cramp washing through you but in humiliation for the current situation unfolding. A few moments of silence, and you wondered if Niall missed the last part because he was already racing to the small shop across the street, until you hear a small “oh,” come from him.

“Okay, petal. Is there any particular brand or…size? Do they have sizes or are they all the same?” At that point, all you could do was laugh at how uneducated he was on the subject. He never had a sister to do this for and his mother was probably always discreet with her womanly problems. And he admitted to you upon moving in that you were the first-ever girlfriend of his to share a living space with him, something that made you feel accomplished yet terrified.

You gave him information on the particular brand and size through a couple of strangled laughs, and he departed with a quick “I love you,” not wanting to waste time and leave you miserable for longer than necessary. Without his words to comfort you for the following twenty minutes, it was safe to say that the pain had become unbearable, as it usually was when you had no medicine to numb it.

But after you heard the front door open and close and Niall’s heavy steps sprinting to the bathroom door, you felt your heart lift itself in your chest.

“Petal, I’ve got your things.” Niall knocks lightly on the bathroom door to grab your attention. You stand up from the toilet and walk over to the door, holding back your winces. Slowly, you cracked open the bathroom door enough to catch sight of Niall’s red face and the plastic bag his hand was offering. You gave him a quiet “thank you” upon taking the bag. You shut the door once more and finally sighed in relief upon completing your business.

After doing so, you walked over to the sink to wash your hands. Your eyes catch a bottle of pain relievers from the bag and you almost felt the aching decreasing just at the sight of the full bottle. But your eyes traveled back to the bag, still full of other items you certainly did not ask for. The remaining contents of the bag included your favorite candy bar, chips, pretzels, a small stuffed animal rabbit and a “get well soon” card. Multiple hearts were hastily scribbled on the front in blue ink, and you opened the card to find a message just as rushed, no doubt was written by the man just outside of the bedroom door.

I know you might be embarrassed but know that I could never love you more than I do right now. Thank you for letting me help you, I’ll always be here when you need me, petal - Nialler

A plethora of blue hearts, which resembled more of blobs, also encircled the inside of the card. You found yourself holding back more tears, a hand coming up to your mouth as to not let a choked sound of pure admiration for a man you were proud to call yours. After taking the medicine, you exited the bathroom to find the mattress bare of sheets. You had bled into the sheets, but Niall did not even hesitate to clean them. A mess which was solely your doing.

You stripped from your clothes and tossed them into the laundry basket for you to attend to later and applied your body with one of your favorite shirts of Niall’s and a pair of sweatpants. You heard the familiar beeping of the laundry machine and followed it to the small room, where Niall was trying to figure out the cycle for the sheets. Without restraint you walked towards his back and wrapped your arms around his middle, squeezing the tightest you possibly could in hopes your undying affection could be felt by him.

“Hiya, love.” He spins around once successfully starting the machine. You look up into his eyes, which looked down at you with light concern. One of his hands makes contact with the loose, wavy tendrils of your hair and tucked them behind your ear. “Ya feeling better?”

“Much. Thank you so much, Niall. I didn’t mean to—”

“Ah! No, none of that. Part of living together and being in a relationship means sharing everything—even the painful stuff. And If that means I have to buy one million tampons for you, love, I’d do it.” Tears clouded your vision yet again, and this time, you felt no shame in letting them slip. Because Niall stood before you, ready to wipe them away.

“It’s just that…that was the one thing I wanted to keep to myself. I felt like I’d become too…dependant on you? It’s stupid, I know but it just feels like I’ve lost some independence in myself. I’ve shared everything else with you except this. And this was supposed to be the ‘almost everything’, ya know?”

“I know exactly what ya mean, love. But it’s okay, it doesn’t bother me. What did bother me though, was thinking you were dying on the other side of the bathroom door for five minutes and tryin’ not to shit my pants.” This made you let out a couple of giggles, your heart warming at the sight of the man before you. “Ya know…I have an ‘almost everything’ too.” You hum and raise your eyebrows at him curiously.

“The other day when I was doing reps with my legs, my knee started aching. So while you were sleeping I just went into the cabinet and took the last of your pain killers, not even thinkin’ about it til’ this morning. I felt so guilty and I went a little overboard at the shop and got you a few other things. Hell, I even wrote ya the sappiest card of all time I felt so bad–” All you could do was interrupt Niall’s embarrassed sputtering with a sweet kiss.

“Thank you, Niall. I love you so much.” Your arms tightened themselves around him once more after separating your lips from his, and you let your head rest on his chest for a moment, letting out a satisfied sigh of the feeling of being in his arms and the medicine finally kicking in.

“Love ya too, petal. Forever.”

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[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales: Terror of the Terra-Firmians!  (Lena Retrospective) (Commission by WeirdKev27): Launchpad Looses his Last Brain Cell and I Loose My Patience

Welcome back Weblena Warriors to the second part of my look at everyone’s favorite Emo Teen Shadow Lesbian Duck... and probably the only one but hey, semantics, Shadow Into Light, which was made possible by viewers like you, the ultra humanite and a commission from WeirdKev27. Picking up where we left off, we have our first episode that has a different intended order than airing order. 

As most of you probably remember, but some of you who joined later might not be aware of the broadcast order for the first half of season one is, in the academic sense, pretty fucked. It’s not Darkwing Duck’s entirely fucked by a web of badger spiders and a queen snake on top to make it some sort of train situation, but by just sorta airing whatever episodes they wanted to, Disney messed with the character balance so Huey got less focus, not that he got a ton of focus this season but still, as well as leaning into the episodes focusing more on the kids with less involvement from the adults which gave the wrong impression about the series. While it IS very focused on the triplets and webby, the show isn’t entirely about them, but as Frank has mentioned a few times, Disney Channel apparently has this WEIRD thing where they assume kids won’t like stories starring the adult characters. 

Yeah I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while. Mostly how it’s so dumb I could swear Pauly Shore was an exec at Disney Channel. And he might be I don’t know what he’s doing these days and i’d like to keep it that way. For starters, the Scooge comics, while barely published in the US these days, are still popular globally and have appealed to kids and adults for generations and are mostly focused on him, with the kids in a supporting role and Ducktales, you know the thing your directly remaking here, was also mostly about him with the triplets supporting, if a bit less than the comics. Most of the Disney Afternoon was about adult characters, with any kids in side roles in the main cast. And it comes off entirely hypocritical of them to say this when the MCU is easily marvel’s biggest cash cow at the moment, and marvel properties have appealed to both kids and adults, like the duck comics, for decades. And if it’s because the marvel cartoons weren’t doing well , I’ll let you in on a little secret: Those didn’t do well because they looked bland and from what I’ve seen of them felt kind of bland, though I haven’t seen enough to fully judge. Kids LIKE adult characters as much as kid characters, and also like teen characters despite not being teens. Focusing on either is valid and while I LIKED Disney’s youth starring shows I also want another X-Men cartoon before I turn 50, and I bet kids would like that too, with the last one only failing because you bailed on it because you were throwing a hissy fit over fox having the movie rights, and do not get me started on that. Point is this argument is horse shit and should stay in the stables. 

So yeah I do think this episode came too soon and it’s placement effected it at the time and as such it dosen’t have the best rep with the fandom aside from the Lena bits and that includes me. The fact it was very early in the series and the characterizations hadn’t yet sunk in really hurt this episode in places but is it really that bad? Join me under the cut to find out

We open at the movies! Which scrooge apparently hasn’t been too since the 1930′s or seen any on video despite Della existing and being really stubborn. 

A rant for another episode. But the kids just got out of a Mole Monster movie, along with Lena, Beakly and Launchpad. Their reactions are as follows: Lena, Webby and Dewey really enjoyed it, Huey found it unrealistic... says the boy whose uncle fought a dragon made of gold a month or two back but we’ll get to that, and Louie was bored and felt it didn’t have enough of the ultra violence, kids these days it’s not about the gore it’s about the tension. And Beakly.. is just pissed Lena tricked them into seeing this and said it was educational. And the more I think about it the more this sounds like BEAKLYS fault than Lena’s. BEAKLY is the one who likely bought the tickets, who saw it was likely an r or pg-13 and who as we’ve seen HAS A PHONE, and ulnike scrooge probably isn’t so stingy she wouldn’t spring for a smart phone, so she could’ve just googled it, or whatever bird related pun is in this version.. gandered it.. yeah let’s go with that, gandered it, and SEEEN it wasn’t appropriate or walked htem out of the theater and ate the cost if she was that bothered by it. Sitting through a Horror Movie you didn’t research, didn’t pull the kids out of and dind’t bother to even check the poster for or use basic common sense is YOUR fault. And this could’ve worked fine, had Lena talk the kids into begging for it or had launchpad take them and have Beakly find out after, having driven to pick them up as she didn’t trust launchpad to take them home. Instead it makes the former super spy look REALLY stupid and feels really out of character for a SPY to not to do research. And it wasn’t like they decided on this later, Bentina being a spy was part of the character’s backstory from day one and its made clear as early as episode 2 in both airing orders. This is just lazy writing to justify the episode and I expect better from this crew. 

But an argument errupts between Huey and Webby over the Terra-Firmians, a hidden race of rock people living in Duckburg’s discontinued sewer system, allegedlys. So Lena suggest simply going down which gets a disapproving look from Beakly, despite you know this being their bread and butter, and the fact that if she had a problem with Scrooge not being involved.. she could just call him. Exploring fabled rock people is something he’d be into. I mean there’s a low profit margin but it also costs him almost nothing to walk to the theater or have launchpad swing around and pick him up. Just gas which given how much he pays for jet fuel isn’t a big ask. But Beakly soon gets distracted by Launchpad whose convinced the film is real and is attacking the poster a grim sign of things to come as while Beakly annoyed me in this one on rewatch, especially after realizing the above... Launchpad annoyed me both times and for VERY good reason we’ll get into. This provides a distraction and allows the trio to escape. Cue titles. 

After the title sequence, our heroes head deeper underground, there’s too much panic in this town... I mean props to Donald for trying something new but he really needs to rethink his cologne choices. Sex Panther is just.. not a good smell on.. anyone. 

So our heroes journey through the depths of the subway system, and we find out part of why Huey’s so skeptical, as he finds anything that isn’t in the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook to not exist, though the cracks in this already show as he’s added anything that does. We’ll get back to this later but as you can tell the basic dynamic for 24 minutes is Webby being a wholehearted True Believer and Huey being a Skeptical Sally. And Lena is just sorta “Eh gives me an excuse for shenanigans” about it. We also get a peak into webby’s mind as we see her notes .. which really just come off as Terra-Firmian fanfiction involving a war of succession between two sides, the terra’s and the firmies, something based on previous media, and also some doodles of a fictional candy called webby-dings and herself as a superhero, both things I want to see. 

But yeah the first third of the episode is pretty simple, just them journeying, the occasional shift in the firmament, and it’s not bad, and there are a few great bits: Huey nerds out about rocks, and finds them way more interesting than a possible rock monster.

Which leads to the best gag of the episode as when Huey tries to pick up a big sample Webby, annoyed at his hyperfixation on the JWG, asks him to ask his book for help.. which he does by reading it and actually manages to pick the large rock up. This is halted though when Lena screams.. though she really just did it to draw them to an abandoned subway car full of glomgold posters for glomgold products because of course a failed subway project has his name plastered over it. You can’t spell glomgold without failure.. the failure is silent. Glomgold is not. 

The fun is interuptted though by a livid Beakly who had realized they were missing in an earlier scene, after telling the Manager that McDuck Industries would pay for the poster.. and then found out Launchpad also destroyed the toilets “They come up thorugh the sewers!”. Launchpad that’s CHUDS, Ninja Turtles and Rats who raised Ninja Turtles like their own sons, mole people dig or use old mineshafts. It’s basic mole science. Also Beakly really shouldn’t sweat it, I just assumed the city has had a runnig bill witht he company for “McDuck Family and Employee Related Accidents, Mayhem and Shenanigans”. I mean he’s had Gyro on his payroll for at least a decade and a half by the series start, Gyro has leveled whole sections of city in an afternoon more than most giant monsters. Of which several have destroyed Duckburg. It got better. 

Point is she’s livid about them sneaking off with Lena pointing out their some sort of adventure family and Beakly.. saying she won’t see them again, or at least implying it hard. I’ll put a pin in this, as the train buckles and a bit of seismic, or rock men, activity means their stuck. So they divide into teams: Beakly will go try and unhook the train car from the busted cars so they can ride out, Launchpad will go try and fix it, and we get this lovely exxchange as a result

Launchpad: Cool never crashed a train before Beakly: Can’t you try driving it without crashing it? Launchpad: Wha? 

His face in that scene is priceless. He takes Dewey along. More on that in a second. Webby, Huey and Louie are told to stay put with Beakly only bringing Lena along because she dosen’t trust her. So since we have three split plots for a second... let’s split up gang, starting with the most aggrivating, middling with what you all came here for and why this is part of the retrsopective, and ending with the plot that directly heads into the final part of the episode. 

Launchpad and Dewey: GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okay starting with the most infamous plot and easily the worst part of this episode, probably the worst plot in any Ducktales 2017 episode. That’s not hyperbole it’s really that bad and really pissed people off, as fans of the original launchpad felt they made him overly stupid. This is where the airing order’s a problem as putting an episode with a subplot where one of your characters is obnoxiously dumb right up front means they assume this is his charcter and not just one poorly written chapter in a very dumb but very loveable characters life, likely because the writers hadn’t figured out how to properly scale his stupidity with comptience. 

So as a result we get a good 3-4 mintutes if not agonizingly more of Launchpad assuming something he saw in a fucking movie film was real. That.. that’s his actual plot. Need I remind you, he’s in his late 20′s early 30′s. He’s not much older than me. While other episodes have him as dim this one claims he CAN’T TELL FACT FROM FICTION. 

There are lines you have to keep with your characters to keep the audience from hating them. They crossed it about 80 times with this plot and make Launchpad into a gibbering dunderhead who can’t do anything right versus a regular dunderhead whose good at one or two things and loveable enough for us to like him and not care about his numerous safey violations and child endagerment charges. Thankfully this is the ONLY episode that gets this bad and they clearly learned from this, but it dosen’t make it any less of a tough sit. 

Dewey spends most of the subplot with a look on his face that just screams that he’s as done with this bullshit as we are, as Launchpad assumes he’s a mole person and brought along a pipe to presumibly bludgeon him, because wanting to cave his best friends skull in over stupidity is a GREAT look> Thankfuly he does not. And when the lights come back on Launchpad.. assumes he’s a monster because of bright light, GAH, and locks him out before they end up outside and the plto resolves itself by Dewey pointing out by Launchpad’s utterly baffling logic that he could be a mole monster, so Launchpad.. assumes he is. 

The subplot’s later buttoned up as he claims “I love being a mole monster”, again diffrent subteranian creature launchpad, she says he’s not and my suffering is thankfully at an end. This plot just sucks, it’s bad, overly stupid and dosen’t work with an adult character. Someone like say Ed from Ed, Edd N Eddy, or someone who belivies in weird conspiracy stuff like Dale Gribble or Stan Pines. with either of them this plot would’ve been fucking great. I could buy it from Dale and it just comes off as his normal paranoid weirdness. With Launchpad it comes off like he seriously needs help because the episode frames it as if he can’t tell ficton from reality, and his splotlight episode later would directly contridct this and make this episode even more aggrivating, as he’s a fan of Darkwing Duck, and KNOWS it’s acted out by an actor, so why wouldn’t he get this? It’s just....

It sucks, it sucks and I thankfully get to move on to a better subplot

Beakly and Lena: What You Are in the Dark

Beakly tells Lena she’ll never see Webby again after this.. then chastises her when she won’t help despite you know having just said she’s going to force their friendship apart, which Lena points out. She then gets mad at Lena making a sarcastic comment at her. Okay she’s lived with Louie for at least a week in airing order and a month or two in actual order. She has to be used to this by now. She’s insolent.. because you show her no respect, blame her for something that while sure she talked you into, you should’ve known better, and top it off by saying you want to keep her from the kids because they have bright futures and come from good familes and asks who rasied her and her face.. well.

Yeah wheras Launchpad and Huey, more on that in a second, were hurt by this being some of their earliest big roles, Bentina wasn’t.. until later when we found out just HOW bad Magica is to Lena and how much she dosen’t care about her other than as a tool to use. At this point we didn’t know just how much Lena was playing webby, how much she was only manipulating her, and even with her heroic act here we didn’t know if she only saw Webby as her way to break free. The next episode makes it clear she dosen’t and genuinely does care, 100%, so in hindsight it makes Bentina come off as ghoulsih for horribly asssuming about a girl she dosen’t know, and even if she did know about Magica wouldn’t know the full story, just like us, and then BERATING her after already saying she’s going to rip her away from Webby, which itself is PRETTY bad as she’s the only friend the girl has and sh’es doing so on... talking them into a horror movie, which as I outlined was more Bentina’s fault than Lena’s, and leading the kids into a dangerous place whicha gain, Lena pointed out is something she lets Scrooge do. And trust me i know that she actually knows Scrooge, and we later find out, as we’ll cover next month, that she isn’t ware HOW dangerous things are with Scrooge. It dosen’t change the fact she knows they do dangerous stuff to a point and that Lena may just be acting out. It also dosen’t change the fact she drove three children, yes including launchpad, down here with her instead of sending them home with Launchpad.. granted that option isn’t the safest but it’s safer than taking her with them thena cting like it’s ALL lena’s fault when three of the children, again including launchpad, are down there because of HER. Not Lena, HER. I’m harder on her because she’s older, wiser and was “raised properly” apparently. Though given the way she treats a random teen off the street she again knows nothing about and dind’t bother to ask... it begs the question. 

IT’s a good question. I could see the classism coming from being raised in 40′s and 50′s britain, judging by the timeline.. but even then she’s seen the world, and while her nature is supscious, the classit bullshit makes no sense after presumibly working with, and later spymastering for, various agents of various backgrounds. How has she not dropped this in decades. Scrooge very clearly dropped the racisim and homophobia of his time, so it still stands  on her for not dropping this. And Lena’s hurt shows under hte mask for the first time, that beneath the snark and secrecy.. is just an abused teenager with nowhere else to go and no way out being bullied by an older woman whose cutting off the only light at the end of the tunnel nto for good reason but out of classist, overprotective mallice.  My issues, which to be fair probably were intentional in the episode but sitll are a bit overblown, aside we do get an absoluttley tremendous moment later as a car falls on top of Beakly.. and Magica, speaking once more urges Lena to leave her, let her die and let their plans progress. And while that iself is.. dumb, what if someone finds her or her corpse later, especially since Scrooge would likely perosnally want to retrive the body to give her a proper burial as she’s his only friend at this point, or the rest of the family questoin the story?, it fits Magica’s lack of foresight we see throughout the season. But Lena... saves her. While she later gives an explination, and a valid one at that, it’s clear from her expressoin, her actoins and how she does it... that this is her. Part of it is defiance, as she glares at Magica before doing it, her own stubborn nature mixed with her hatred of her “aunt”, meaning Magica just made it all too easy for her to do this. But the real reason is clear: It’s the right thing to do. While pissing off her aunt and getting away with it is the cherry on top.. the real reason is that unlike Magica.. Lena is not a killer, not a monster, and not a heartless vacum ofa person. Even if she doesn’t like Beakly, for good reason.. she can’t, she WON’T leave her to die and leave Webby an orphan again. She loves Webby too much to do that to her and while she may deny it.. she’s too good a person to leave someone to die for something so petty. Even if she never sees webby again and the plans ruined. It’s better than the weight of knowing she let someone who wasn’t trying to harm her and whose actions, while terrible, were out of misguided protection of her granddaughter, die like this. She saves her. And as we’ll see it pays off.. but before that. 

Huey, Webby and Louie: Into the Unknown This plot’s a bit shorter, as Webby and Huey continue their argument, with Louie eventually making it clear, and not even hiding it when directly asked by Huey, that he’s playing both sides with a delighted expression on his face as the movie was boring but this, this is interesting. Which it is. But it’s interupted by dings on the roof and while Huey assumes i’ts just a regular rock, it moves while their not lookiung.. and soon red eyed, horrifying beasts look out at them and the kids flee back to the car. This dosen’t pan out as the car starts to shake and is clearly going to collapse.. and while Webby and Louie are prepared to flee, rock monsters or no, Huey, in an utterly heart shattering image.. stays in place, terrified of moving. 

This is where this plot goes from mildly aggrivating, as Huey’s Skeptic shenanigans can get on the nerves.. to BRILLIANT. See at the time this was more annoying because it was assumed the skepticsim would be a part of Huey’s character and we’d get more episodes of him being annoying only to be proven wrong, as he semeingly dosen’t learn his lesson at this point, looging the terrafrimians in the guide book. But on rewatch.. this plot is amazing.  For starters the plot subtly introduced the defening characteristic of Huey’s personality, one that’s become more prounounced in Season 3: His need for Order. He needs things to make sense: He solves stuff because he likes there to be order in the world and something he can understand, he can put in a box in his head. Like a lot of neurotypical people, myself included, he struggles horribly when the clearly defined boxes of his life and things he undestand have wrinkles or complexities he can’t get. I for instnace easily got it when I was introduced to the concept of trans people or being non binary.. they just make sense in hindsight: given how our brains are messya nd complicated it makes sense some people would be born in the wrong ones, and tht with all the science and medicine we have to correct that, should be allowed to transition if they so choose. It makes equal sense that some people just don’t have a gender or are gender fluid, being both or neither. Despite struggling with non binary prounouns due to force of habit.. I get the concept with no real difficulty. But when it comes to accepting I don’t have to apologize for everything and that everyone is not angry or that anger is natural and people sometimes get mad and you can’t and shouldnt’ fix it.. it’s something I STRUGGLE with even knowing it’s not right, because my brain is just wired that way. 

That’s how Huey’s struggle comes off here.. he reveals he’s willing to stay and die.. because he’s SO scared of the unknown, that the idea of dying from something he at least knows what it is versus something he dosen’t.., so paralizyed by his own brain he can’t figure out the obvious.. it takes Webby reaching out to him figuratively and literally, to show him that sometimes you have to face the unknown. The unknown is fucking terrifying.. but it can be good and it’s better than sitting there, scared and unable to move. You have to try, to grow and take that risk that things may not go well to really LIVE. 

So he does.. and they reunite with the rest of the group.. and soon find the terrafirmains.. who as it turns out once we get some light on them... are actually just goofy looking,  brightly colored, each one matching one of the kids, kids themselves, and Huey reaches out and touches one, which by ET logic means their friends now, and the terrafirmians help them get out. And this lesson sticks. While sure Huey catalogues it and it seems it didn’t.. he’s never this skeptical again. This douchey skepticsim was only for one episode, his fear of the uknown replcaed with boundless curosity and from here on he’s CURIOUS about new stuff as long as it’s not trying to kill him. He loves taking in new experinces, maybe not to webby levels but he does actually try them and study them instead of just fearing them. 

Before we wrap things up, obviously we need to talk about the JWG not having entries on a lot of stuff. This would be corrected next season as it returns to being a big book of everything, but dosen’t completely contridct this as Timephoon! shows there’s stillcgaps.. which i’m fine with. While it knowing EVERYTHING was fine for the original series here, with things being slightly more groudned, it’d just be an obvious plothole if Huey didn’t use it every single time they ran into something and that’d get boring. Instead it’s simply that it dosen’t know everything, and really in the comics at times it didn’t and the triplets found out new things. It knew almost everything mind you, but having some gaps for dramatic tnesion is fine with me and Seasons 2 and 3 decided on that instead of just having it being a scouting manual which wa sfor the best. And even by later in the season hit has guides to getting a small buisness loan, so they already course corrected. 

So everything’s wrapped up and while Magica berates Lena for disobeying her.. Beakly interputps, thankfully not seeing magica and admits she was wrong and invites Lena for pancakes, even taking a crack about if their actually pancakes or english muffins with syrup, which sounds like my own living hell, in stride, having clearly grown. And Lena explains to Magica that this was the better approach: now she’s got the in theyw anted, and is above suspcison for now. Still not so much that an obvious act won’t be detected but enough that she dosen’t ahve to work actively around her anymore. Magica scoffs.. and while part of it is probably rage.. part of it is deep down both of them know she did it out of defiance.. and only Lena knows that she did it for the right reasons... she just dosen’t get why. She probably justifies it as playing the long game.. but deep down she knows something’s changing about her.. and she’s not sure if that’s a godo thing or not. 

Final Thoughts: This episode is as you can tell a mixed bag. It’s 2/3 of a good episode, with the Lena plot, my issues aside, being excellent and the Terra-Firmian plot likewise fun, even if Huey can get grating the payoff is worth it, and the jokes are really high quality. It’s just bogged down by that fucking launchpad plot that just crushed my soul in it’s palms every time it came back. I went on at length why i hated that one but boy oh boy was the hate of that subplot warranted and I stand by calling it the worst plot of the series. It is: it’s not funny, it makes no goddamn sense, and it drags down what’s otherwise a pretty solid epsiode.

Next Time on Lena: Jaws the shark, lurking in the dark, in the depths of the bin one day of a lark decides to get rowdy, get real violent takes a vacay out to Duckburg er.. Island.. also Scrooge faces his greatest Nemesis.. a PR Tour to clean up his image after an unfortunate giant Beanstalk Incident. Be there and be hip to be square. 

Next Time on This Blog: I Tackle a DCOM for the first time for another commissioned review as we take a look at racisim, specifically Apartheid and breaking indoctrination, with The Color of Friendship. See you next Rainbow. 

[backtobackbakubabe]

I am the Alpa Now part 1

Bakugo X Reader 

Words: 2808 

Reader is from America and somewhat of a delinquent with an alpha quirk that allows her to turn into a wolf as well as bond with dogs. She is sent to UA to straighten out her attitude. She ends up in a power struggle with none other than our favorite hot head. Words in Italics are words said telepathically 

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Don’t do the crime if you can't do the time... That was what my stubborn, hard ass, police chief father told me before shipping me off to some stupid school across the world.

What was my crime you may ask? I was my small towns vigilante for over a year. Sure I may have not respected law enforcement during that time, or public property for that matter, but I never took it too far. Or at least in my humble opinion I didn’t. But apparently the mayor and my father did not agree. The final straw was when I left mugger tied up in front of the police station with a note to the police asking them to do their fucking job. Sure that note may have been graffitied on the side of the building but I think I got my point across.

So that brings us to my time... which I will be spending as some school called UA in Japan. My dad knew one of the teachers there and they agreed it would be the best thing for me. Teach me some discipline and respect or whatever. So here I am on an airplane leaving the only world I’ve ever known behind. Sure Georgia wasn’t much but it was home.

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You wouldn't be totally alone though. Due to your Alpha quirk you were allowed to bring your wolf-dog Mercy. You yourself could turn into a wolf about the size of a small horse and as durable as a tank, and you could also establish your alpha dominance over other dogs and in some special cases you could bond with them and add them to your pack. So far you've only managed to add Mercy but it was an amazing bond you wouldn't trade for anything. The bond allowed you to telepathically communicate with him and the longer you were bonded the smarter he got. He was basically thinking full sentences now. He was also getting faster and stronger, it was like part of your quirk was rubbing off on him.  

You were anxious as hell knowing he was in a kennel in the cargo area of the plane. You knew he was okay though. You could feel his presence, but it did nothing for your nerves. You just wanted to land already and give him a big squishy hug.

Somehow you managed to fall asleep and when you woke up you were in a different country. You knew only a small amount of Japanese and you didn’t know anything about the culture... Here goes nothing.

You were picked up at the airport by a fancy looking SUV. The man driving didn’t look at all pleased with the fact that Mercy would be riding in the car with you.

“Why does this man stare at me?” Mercy made sure to stay in between me and the driver as my luggage was loaded into the car.

I gave him a quick scratch behind his ears to try and calm him down. “Easy Mercy. He’s nice. I just don’t think he wants you to shed all over his nice black leather seats”

Huffing he jumped into the backseat of the SUV, “It’s not like I have fleas…and I took a bath before we left!”

You giggled at your beta buddy and hopped in behind him, ignoring the confused look of the driver. He must think you’re crazy laughing at nothing. But then again you were used to that. You didn’t always remember to speak to Mercy telepathically and you had to admit you looked crazy having a one-sided conversation with a dog.

You marveled at the passing town through the window. You definitely were not in Georgia anymore.

When you arrived at the school it was already a little after midnight, but you were nowhere even close to being tired. The car pulled up to the front gate and you could see a few figures out there waiting for you. You were from the south and you were used to good ole southern hospitality, but you couldn’t believe they were up past midnight just to help you with your things.

The driver got out and started unloading your belongings from the trunk as you took a deep breath and opened up the google translator app on your phone. “Alright y/n you can do this. You’re a badass bitch who takes no shit from no body. You are smart, you strong, you can do anything…”

“Oi! You fucking done talking to yourself?”

Your head whipped up to see that a spikey haired blonde had opened the passenger door in the front and was staring at you. You sighed and returned your phone to your pocket, “Oh thank god you speak English!”

His red eyed narrowed, “Yeah unfortunately I have the highest scores in English so I’m the one stuck with you for however long it takes you to catch up.”

Mercy started to growl sensing this new guys hostility. I snapped my fingers, “Hey. Calm down! He’s a friend. He’s obviously an asshole but he’s our new friend.”

Mercy continued to growl low in his throat, “No. I am your friend. I don’t like him. He is not our friend.”

You snorted, “I can have more than one friend dumbass. Now chill the fuck out.”

The new guy was now glaring at you. His red eyes tried so hard to look mad, but you could see a hint of curiosity in there. “Oh great she fucking talks to dogs… Let’s go! The rest of the welcome wagon extras are ready to piss themselves they are so excited.” He started to walk away but he gave you one last glance, “And tell your mutt to stop fucking staring at me like I’m dinner.”

“WHO IS HE CALLING MUTT!”

You just laughed at your dog as you made your way out of the car and grabbed your backpack. Mercy followed and took his place at your heels. You walked up to the smiling group of students waiting at the front of the building that looked the most like dorms.

A green headed boy with a huge smile walked up and bowed, “Hello my name is Midoriya. Welcome to UA! This is Iida, our class rep, and of course you’ve already met your guide Bakugo.

You smirked so weird guy’s name was Bakugo, “Nice to meet all of you. My name is Y/n, and this here is my beta Mercy. He’s part of my pack and he’s very sweet unless you give him a reason not to be.”

“Tch.. yeah right. Dumbass dog growled at me.” Bakugo’s eyes narrowed.

Iida sighed, “Well Bakugo I’m sure you probably gave him a reason to then.”

Midoriya leaned over and picked up one of your bags that actually held all of Mercy’s things. “So Y/n, what did you mean when you said he was your beta?”

You took the bag from him and strapped it to Mercy. “He actually likes to carry his own bags. But yeah so back to your question. I’m the alpha which makes him the beta… and well… I guess it’s just easier to show you.”

Your eyes started to glow blue and then you shifted into your wolf form. You absolutely loved being in your wolf form. You always felt so powerful and free. Like you could do anything, like you had no limits or rules to follow. Your senses were naturally better than most peoples but in your wolf form they were heightened even more. At this moment in time you could hear the thudding heartbeats of the people before you. You could see the beads of sweat dripping down Midoriya’s forehead. You could smell what you could only describe as excitement coming from someone.

Bakugo was the only one who looked unimpressed, so you walked up to him. Your eyes being level with his. Your large electric blue eyes staring right into his scarlet ones. You took a step closer sniffing him and just when you could sense he couldn’t possibly be more annoyed.. you went and give him a nice big lick from chin to forehead.

“Ugh! That’s disgusting! What the fuck!” He was frantically whipping his face with the sleeve of his shirt and shooting daggers at you the whole time.

“Y/n why do you kiss the angry boy! I don’t like him!” Mercy huffed and shook his head.

You shifted back into your human form laughing the whole time. “I’m sorry but you should have seen your face. I just had to!” Your nose scrunched up at the smell of something really sweet. Almost sickeningly so. You sniffed until it led you to Bakugo’s palms. “What’s that smell?” You covered you nose to stop to awful smell from invading your nostrils and further.

Bakugo smirked as his hands crackled with mini explosions, “Well if were showing off our quirks the-.”

“Kachan stop! There will be plenty of time for that tomorrow… Sorry Y/n as you can see he has a short fuse.” Midoriya was rubbing the back of his neck now, “But he’s not so bad once you get to know him I promise.” He gestured to the dorms, “Shall we show you to your room?”

You nodded and attempted to pick up what was left of your bags. It wasn’t easy though and soon enough you were starting to drop stuff. You were about to stop to rearrange how you were carrying everything when Bakugo strolled up next to you and took two of your bags, “Shit did you have to bring everything you own?”

Before you could respond he was storming off ahead of you.

“Just give me the signal and I’ll bite him.” Mercy tight on your heels, taking in all the new surroundings. You knew he was fighting the urge to pee on every bush you passed. He may be smarter than most dogs, but he still had those territorial instincts.

“Mercy we got sent here because we apparently need to learn how to behave… I don’t think biting someone on our first day is a great idea…”

“He started it!”

You just chuckled as you followed your new friends into the building and down a few halls. First floor, very nice.  

Bakugo threw you bags down in front of a door and immediately stalked off to the room next door and slammed the door behind him. Great so he was your neighbor too….

Midoriya gave you a shy smile, “So usually the girls sleep on a different floor. But given the fact that your quirk means you have an animal we thought it would be smart to put you next to Koda. His quirk is talking to animals so he always has a few pets. So he’s your neighbor to the left. And ah .. Kachan is your guide for the next few weeks so it makes sense that you would be close to him so he’s your neighbor to the right. If this makes you uncomfortable though we can always find you a new room!”

You waived him off, “I’m fine! I don’t scare easy. Thanks for all the help! I can take it from here. I guess I’ll see you all in the morning?”

Iida bowed, “Yes. Bakugo should come collect you no later than 7 am to escort you to class. Your uniform should already be hanging in your closet. Good night.”

You gave a quick awkward bow, “g’night y’all”

You could hear Midoriya giggling about how you had actually said y’all as you closed the door. He seemed like a sweet guy, a little goofy maybe, but sweet. Bakugo on the other hand… You couldn’t wait to fuck with him. He just seemed so tense and you felt like you could quite literally make him explode.

Your room was pretty sparse save for a bed, nightstand, desk, and a lamp. You could work with this. A few posters and pictures from home. Maybe a cool rug… you were happy you didn’t have to share with anyone though. By nature you were a night owl. You preferred several small naps throughout the day then a whole nights sleep. You were always just so restless to sleep for too long.

You unpacked Mercy’s things first and gave him a quick snack. You put the bed he almost never used at the foot of your bed. You knew he would just end up in his usual spot curled up next to you. He didn’t have many toys but he did have lots of bones to chew on. He only had one single stuffed toy. It was an elephant that he had gotten when he was a puppy and he was a little protective of it. You threw the stuffed elephant on your new bed and sighed. The rest of your shit could wait until tomorrow.

Mercy hopped onto the bed and curled up around his elephant and yawned, “If we’re not going for a run tonight then I’m going to go to bed.”

You looked at your phone and saw it was a little past one in the morning. Bakugo would be here to “collect you” in less than six hours. Usually you’d try and scope the perimeter before sleeping anywhere but you figured this place was probably one of the most secure places you’ve ever been, and you also had no idea what kind of day you had in store tomorrow.

“Yeah bud, I think a good night sleep is probably best. I don’t know if we’ll get a chance to nap tomorrow.”

Mercy started to wine, “Noooooo I need my naps.”

Well no one said you can’t nap. You’re not the one who’s actually going to be in class.”

“Wait you’re taking me with you right? To class?”

You frowned and climbed into bed next to him, “Yeah I don’t know. They never got back to me on if you could go to class. They said you were welcome during training sessions though…”

Mercy wined again obviously stressed out, “That’s not fair! I want to learn too! I don’t want you to leave me! We just got here, what if something bad happens. Nooooooooo”

The end of his sentence resulted in a howl. Shit. “Mercy shut up! You’re going to get us in trouble. They’re going to kick us out if you start waking people up in the middle of the fucking night!”

But of course, he wasn’t listening. He just continued to howl, throwing a temper tantrum just like a toddler would.

You huffed in irritation and your eyes started to glow. You used your alpha voice, “I said Stop….”

His howl immediately stopped and his head bowed to show his submission, “I’m sorry…. I am a good boy. I’ll stop now.”

You gave his head a quick pat before pulling the blanket up to your chin. “It’s okay buddy. I know the first few days are going to be a little stressful.” You reached over and turned the lamp off. “See you in the morning. Try to get some sleep.”

You felt Mercy move his massive furry head to lay on your stomach, “Hey… please don’t be mad…. But I kind of need to pee.”

You rolled your eyes and threw off the blanket, “Of fucking course you do. You have the smallest fucking bladder for how big a dog you are.”

“Wolf”

“Whatever let’s just go.”

You opened your door just to be met with the angry glare of your neighbor, “Are you going to fucking talk to dog all night? These walls are thin!”

You stared at him for a minute before cracking a smile and patted his head, “Is it past someone’s bed time?”

Flustered Bakugo took a step closer, “Tch what? No? You and your stupid dog are just really fucking loud!”

“WOLF! I AM A WOLF!”

You nodded in acknowledgment to Mercy and returned you attention to Bakugo, “Wolf.”

He sneered, “Excuse me, what?”

You shrugged, “He’s a wolf. You called him a dog and he’s a wolf and I think you should apologize.”

His eyes bugged out of his head, “I’m not apologizing to a fucking DOG!”

Mercy started to growl so low it was almost a hum. You could tell he was nervous but also a little amused. “Tell him if he doesn’t get out of my way I will pee on him.”

You started laughing which pissed Bakugo off even more, “OI! What’s so funny!”

You thumped him on the nose, which is something you usually did when training dogs. Nothing hard just a light thump. “He said he needs to pee and you look an awful lot like a tree.”

“Ugh you disgusting excuse for a woman! No fucking manors!” He stomped off back to his room slamming his door for the second time that night.

[arse-crack-thistle]

quality time

rwrb and the five love languages | part four

in which bea nearly crashes from the stress of party-planning (aroace rep)

Princess Beatrice buzzes around The Masquerade, double-checking place cards, straightening table settings, and pulling dried rose petals from the centerpieces. She rented the concert venue for the night to throw a modern Valentine’s gala to benefit Henry’s queer youth center in London. He and Alex are around here somewhere, probably hooking up in a broom cupboard and definitely not nitpicking every detail like Bea is. Her assistant follows her with a clipboard and updates her on the schedule: t-minus three hours until guests arrive and, in the meantime, she needs to give final approval, soundcheck with the band, and get dressed up. Jeans and a blazer, while royal casual, are not party-appropriate, and tonight needs to be perfect.

She usually hates royal events like galas, but this one is special. Not because it’s Valentine’s Day—Bea could not give two fucks about the holiday—but because ever since coming out as asexual around Christmas, she’s been looking for an opportunity to help other queer people, or at least give them a public figure they could point to and say, “See Mum and Dad, she’s like me.” Henry and Alex got their chance, and now this time, it’s hers.

The stage lights up with pink and red; it’s cheesy, but Bea digs it. The concert was the one thing she would not budge on with her royal event planner. Did she want to reach into wealthy pockets? Yes. Did she still want to have a good time? Hell yes. And the band she’s joining for one night only happens to be just as queer as the charity they’re supporting.

Permanent Record, local to London, tune their instruments on stage. Bea has met them dozens of times over the last month and vibed with them instantly. Margot, the too-cool lead singer always decked out in a leather jacket and Docs, is ace like her, and as much as Bea has wanted to get to know them, there’s been no time. Turns out, party-planning and party-executing steals the host away from all meaningful human connection. She’s only been able to keep up with Henry because he’s partly responsible for this event.

The pit, full of tables covered in pink and gold, finally looks perfect enough for Bea to hand-off any other minute fixes to the planner and finally have her soundcheck with the band. But then, a large crash comes from the back of the venue, and she hears a loud shriek coming from a familiar voice, the one that’s been shrill and disapproving for the last month. When Bea runs up, she sees hundreds of shattered champaign flutes and her planner on the floor, blood oozing from her hands.

This cannot be happening. The only reason Bea kept this woman around was to take most of the day-of duties off her plate. But she’s in the back of an ambulance now, and Henry is nowhere to be found. Bea’s stress levels go from tolerable to unbearable as she orders her assistant to track down replacement flutes. The staff are quick to fill her other requests: a couple of people start sweeping, someone runs off to find her co-host, another tells the band Bea’s soundcheck will be postponed, and a brave soul steps up as a temporary assistant and follows her around the back tables to check for broken glass. Bea knows she doesn’t have to be the one to do this, but it seems like the success of this event lies solely one her shoulders. If something goes wrongs, it’s her face—not Henry’s—in the papers the next day. Powder Princess Crashes and Burns at Gay Ball. Christ.

After an hour, everything is sorted. There’s no glass. The planner is getting stiches. Permanent Record has started their soundcheck and sound amazing. But even their chill indie tunes can’t calm the princess. She needs to get on stage, but her stylist specifically requested she have at least two hours to work his magic, which is not going to happen.

Bea tells her assistant to get her stylist and his team to the venue, because she won’t be able to leave, and warn him he’ll only have an hour at best. Henry and Alex have already taken off to get ready, and she has to remind herself to smack them later for abandoning her.

She tugs off her blazer, drapes it over a chair, and rolls up her sleeves. If she does get her hands on a guitar, she’ll explode. It’s all she can think of to stop her from raiding the bar at the back.

“Better late than never, eh, Princess?” Margot says as she huffs on stage.

One of the stagehands gives Bea her beautiful sleek, black Fender Stratocaster, and her anxiety reduces itself to a hum. Music can’t cure all, but it certainly keeps her from wrecking every good thing in her life.

“Let’s just play,” she says.

But it’s anything but perfect. Whatever chemistry she had with Permanent Record somehow jumped into the Thames between their last rehearsal and now because this is an absolute travesty and she’s only playing two songs with them tonight. She’s forgotten measures of one song and can’t find the chords fast enough in her solo of the other. Utter shit.

Why does she even fucking bother?

She always fucks everything up. Always. Why did she think she could put this on? Sure, she’s chaired these events before, but not ones she actually cares about, not ones she’s actually put her heart into. Christ, no wonder. She should’ve known it would turn out like this. She’s the anti-Midas; everything she touches turns to shit.

No kid will ever see her as a queer role model. She’s the girl they point to and say, “See Mum and Dad, what a waste.”

She needs a hit so fucking bad.

Which is why she has to get out of here ASAP. Before she does anything she’ll regret. She won’t slip again, and she won’t be the reason this gala fails. Henry can handle it without her.

So when Margot calls for a five-minute break, Bea excuses herself and hands off her guitar. On her way out the door, she tells the stagehand to find her assistant and tell her to have Henry take over. The hard part is over thanks to the planner actually being brilliant at her job, even if she and Bea would never get along.

No doubt, cameras are already lined up outside, so she hides in one of the green rooms and locks the door behind her. If she just takes a deep breath and calms down, she can bring herself back from the edge.

Five things she can see: The 1975, Arctic Monkeys, Oasis, Solange, and Fiona Apple’s signatures on the artist wall.

Four things she can feel: the worn leather on a crusty couch, the chipped-paint walls, her toes in her shoes, and her fingers through her light brown hair.

Three things she can hear: the ticking from the clock, the click of her heels as she paces, and a knock at the door.

Two things she can smell: decades-old musk from artists past—no doubt coming from the couch—and her light perfume on her wrist.

One thing she can taste: a hint of coffee from earlier.

She breathes in and out, and the knock on the door continues.

“Bea, are you in there? Could you let me in?” Margot. Essentially a stranger. She supposes it’s better than facing a disappointed Henry, so she opens the door and promptly relocks it as soon as they’re inside.

“Christ, this place is legendary, isn’t it? Everyone’s played here—is that Bob Dylan? Fucking nuts,” Margot says, pointing to the wall.

“I’ve seen loads of people here. Always wanted to play here myself,” Bea tells them. She traces Lizzo’s signature. That was a fun night; Nora and June flew out for a girls’ night, which was ultimately crashed by Pez.

“Me too, and the rest of band as well, I suppose.” Margot looks at Bea and smiles. They’re brown eyes crinkle in the corner, and it reminds her of Alex. “And now we get to, eh, Princess? Couldn’t’ve gotten here without you. The whole world knows Permanent Record now.”

“You could’ve done it without me,” she says. “You will tonight anyway.”

“Hey.” They reach for Bea’s hand. “Everyone has some hiccups before a big gig. It’ll be grand, but only if you’re there. This is your night as much as it is ours or the youth center’s. You have no idea how important it is for your lot to shine a light on causes people shy away from.”

That makes Bea smile. For so long she wanted to hide from her position. She wanted freedom to do whatever she pleased, but now she understands the power she has, even if people still see her as “The Powder Princess.” No matter what she wears, millions of fashion influencers share links to her clothes. If she walks into a restaurant, their yearly profits skyrocket. When she told the world she was ace, thousands of people messaged her and said the same. One of them was Margot, telling her about their undiscovered band from South London.

She tells Margot how that was one of the first times she really felt like herself. Completely at peace with who she is. How that peace got away from her and turned this gala into a near-panic-attack-inducing event, she doesn’t know.

“Have you let on how stressed you’ve been to anyone?” Margot asks. The two sit together on the couch after Margot bravely plopped themself down on the dirty, old thing.

“Hadn’t the time,” she says. Truthfully, Bea doesn’t think she’s had a genuine conversation with anyone since the gala’s conception.

Margot throws their hands in the air. “Well, there you go then! You’ve got to take the time! To take care of yourself. To hang out with your mates. Just to have some goddamn fun, Bea! Come on! You think I’d be a functioning human if I didn’t let loose with my mates every now and then? This—” They gesture to their body, covered in tattoos and tattered black clothing. “Doesn’t happen on its own.”

Bea laughs. It’s been so long since she’s laughed from anything other than stress. “Right, so how does this all happen then?” She swirls her hand in Margot’s direction.

As they chat, Bea relaxes. They talk about their families and uni and music and coming out. Bea tells Margot about the time she and the gang went to the karaoke bar where Henry got wasted and sang Queen horrifically. Margot tells her about the time in year twelve when they got dared to try out for the school play and ended up playing an old man in the most unbelievable bald cap.

Eventually, the two of them pull out their phones and play a few games of Among Us until Bea’s desperate assistant finds her and pleads for her to get ready though the door. They only have an hour before guests arrive.

“You all right?” Margot asks. “Want to go out there and try again?”

Funny how it doesn’t seem so scary anymore. How it only took a short break, a nice chat, and a little pink astronaut to put Bea at ease. She smiles. The notes come back to her fingertips.

check out the rest of my rwrb and the five love languages series: part one, part two, part three, and part five. (links to come as they’re released)

listen, my permanent headcanon is aroace bea and you will never convince me otherwise and i will never write her as anything else bc i love her so much!! (that being said, if you ship her with anyone, i totally understand). also, i reference a fic of mine i wrote for winterfest so if you want to check out my version of bea’s coming out, you can do that here! and finally, i know this wasn’t a romantic fic for romance week but like i said in part one, valentine’s day is different for everyone. <3

rwrb romance week | @rwrb-fests

[closer-stars]

Good Thing - Mingi (1)

Member: Mingi Genre: A lil of drama, tension, fluff, maybe angst depending on how you look at it. Requested: Yes Word count: 8k  Content: Dance team leader y/n. Basketball captain Mingi. Both of them are stubborn. Enemies to Lovers. Mentions of food. Mentions of near fainting. Mentions of tension. Academics. Slowburn.  Notes: after a long creative block, I’m back once again with long fics. Divided this into two? three? parts. This was supposed to be short, what the fuck. Anyways, I hope this fits your expectations, anon! Please I didn’t expect this to be so long, but here we are. I was already itching to post something after so long so here we are. 

[ Mountain ] Capt, the venue’s already taken. :(((

That wasn’t a good sign. You were in class when you received that message from your best friend. It was a good thing your professor allowed gadgets as long as it was used for note taking. In true student fashion, you lower your brightness just a bit as you switch tabs to reply to San. 

[ You ] Look for the next best. I trust your decision. I can’t stay too long, prof might catch me not paying attention.

You close the tab quickly and catch up on what your professor discusses. Fingers fly across your keyboard as you continue to add additional connections and theories that aid in the discussion. Your best friend and your second co-captain, Wooyoung, was slightly struggling with keeping up with the note keeping, you were already sure that he would ask you for help. 

[ Mountain ] Don’t kill me, Please. :c 

That didn’t sound good. 

[ Mountain ] 6-9pm. Court 2. 

That is definitely not good. Before you could reply, the bell rings and a chorus of laptops closing, notebooks closing could be heard in the room. Your professor quickly reminds the class of an exam the following week along with other reminders that just fly through your ears. 

“Did you catch what he said about brand identity?” Wooyoung asks as the two of you leave the classroom with heavy feet. Your coach had thought it was a good idea to have all of you go through house drills for the first half of the training last night. Fast forward to today, you and Wooyoung were struggling with walking. Even with just simple walking, Wooyoung would make pained whines. 

“I got them. I’ll send you my notes when we get a seat somewhere. I want my coffee while I massage your old muscles.” The both of you found a good shady spot where you could discuss what to do in tonight’s training session as your coach had personal issues to deal with. “Can you message the team where our training’s going to be tonight? San said it’s at Court 2, 6 to 9 PM”

“Heh, six to nine and okay.”

“How mature of you. I’ll be back.” You (try to) jog to the vending machine as you get yourself a quick dose of caffeine. By the time you get back, taking small sips of the caffeinated bean water, Wooyoung stares at you as if he had realized something. “What?” You ask as you settle down next to him. 

“Court 2? That’s the only available one left for tomorrow?” He asks. 

You shrug. “It’s either we get free venues or we pay a meal’s worth for studio rentals.” You reason as you send your notes to the male. As a student-dancer, you knew how hard it was to get studios and have it come straight from your own pocket. The competition was three months away and you didn’t want the team’s finances to run dry this early. 

“Can you at least try not to bite off Mingi’s head?” Wooyoung pleads, almost pouting. 

Song Mingi is the team captain for your university’s basketball team. That said, he’s also often the face of the school due to his grades and being captain of the team. He also often got in your nerves whenever you cross roads. You’re also fairly popular in and out of school: captain of the dance team, often competing in outside school competitions, and even being featured in some big time gigs. The gigs paid the most for your bills. 

You pat your lap so that he stretches his legs from the muscle pain. Careful fingers press on his muscles, causing him to yelp in pain. “Breathe, you baby. I’ll try my best.” You snort, clearly entertained by how low his pain tolerance can be outside dancing. “Tell San we’re in the usual spot if he wants to--”

“Ello!!”

Speak of the devil and he will appear. Your co-captain and best friend as well has appeared a few feet away. “Captain!” He calls out, once he could see your face. Him noticing Wooyoung first then you wasn’t a surprise anymore. These two often plot pranks on you during down time since your second year in the team, this was old news to you by now. “Captain, I’m really sorry. Court 2 was the only one available. The other team already got our first choice and-” he goes off, rapidly defending himself. 

“San, it’s okay. I know how annoying that team is. Let’s just do our best tonight so we can take over the studio for finals okay?” You shake your head, understanding the issue. The dance competition had your own team versus other dance teams inside and outside the university. It was a big event that tickets to watch were always sold out. 

“Please. I don’t think I can handle you snarking Mingi off when he tries to drop by.” San mumbles. 

The thing is, Mingi and you had a handful of common friends. The expectation of his course, Business Administration, being more difficult than yours, a Media Arts student. His tendency to be just as stubborn and strict as you are in your respective fields made it hard for both of you to see eye to eye. 

“I don’t think I’m ready to see their bitch face anywhere outside the stage.” Wooyoung mentions lightly. It was an obvious fear though. The amount of auditionees for your team each year was pretty hefty, the reason? Your friends had pretty faces. To put it simply, your resting bitch face is scary even if unintentional but an intentional one had a lot of people staying clear of you. To whom do you give the intentional one? Shallow auditionees and Song Mingi.

By the time you’ve eased the knots on Wooyoung’s leg, you’ve finished your coffee. “Guys, I promise I won’t fight him tonight.” You say with a sigh. 

San just looks at you with a raised eyebrow. 

You pout at him. “I promise! Besides tonight’s cleaning and drills. If I get distracted by that demon, give me the spiderman reps.” Wooyoung places his other leg on your lap, a cheeky grin on his features. A look of empty annoyance shoots from your eyes at him but you still do as he needs. Your two best friends give in with groans. It’s next to impossible to reason with you sometimes. It’s also your stubbornness that brought the team to the current greatness it had. 

“Three sets of spiderman reps. After training.” 

The bell rings, signaling your next class which was quite unfortunately, with the two of them still. San rises from his seat, your bag and laptop already in his hands as he waits for the both of you. 

“Last class for the day.” He states as you take your belongings from him. 

It’s going to be a long day for the three of you. 

“Five minute break” The entire team’s breathless from the drills. Some of them walked off the burn, others drinking water, others opted to lie on the cool tiled floor. You were part of the first group. You bend your back a little to get rid of the soreness that was starting to wear on you. The burn on your arms and shoulders is already a familiar feeling to you but you still hate it. At least it means your body was getting stronger, if the burn only started to set in now. When you reach for your water bottle, you realize that it was already empty. “Fuck..” You groan as you look for a water refilling station. 

The nearest one was near the basketball team’s court. 

Whatever. 

You make your way to the station, making sure that you would go unnoticed by the basketball team as they did their drills. So far, so good. No one paid attention to you as you fill your bottle up with water. That was until Jeong Yunho had noticed you. 

“Hey! Are you training here too?” His warmth made it hard for you to despise him even if he was best friends with Mingi. Why couldn’t he be the captain instead?

Eyes shoot up and you’re greeted by his pink hair. You wave at him quickly then take a sip of water. “Hey Yunho! Yeah, Is the music too loud?” 

He shakes his head, a few strands of hair covering his view. He pushes it back and it was there when you realize just why he had a large following. “Don’t worry about it. The guys appreciate a little music every now and then.” A sigh of relief slips through your lips. At least the volume isn’t too destructive for everyone. Why wasn’t he the captain instead?

“I have to go now. Good luck with your practice!” You bid goodbye quickly, your Mingi radar was going off.

Yes, you had a Mingi radar in your head. 

When you turn on your heel, you are greeted by his stoic features. Even without words, the tension was pretty thick in the air. “Anyways,” you mumble onto your bottle as you try to walk past him. 

“If you’re going to train in here too, being conscious of your noise would be helpful.” Mingi’s voice drips with deep annoyance towards you. You on the other hand, are trying your best not to do spiderman push ups so you just hum in response. 

“When I talk to you, you speak.” He says, rubbing his temple in annoyance. It was moments like this that genuinely make you wonder how he is the face of the school when his attitude was absolute horse shit. 

“Noted with thanks, Song Mingi.” You say simply. Yunho looks at the both of you in mild alarm. He was aware of your less than stellar relationship with his captain but he never saw how bad it was until today. Is it easy to keep your face from shooting lasers at the tall male? No but you were going to do your best. The two of you exchange steely gazes until both of you look away, stalking back to where your team was. 

“What took you so long?” Wooyoung asks as he watches the rest of the team clean the choreography, with San leading at the back. 

“Mingi tried to stall me.” You explain under your breath as you take your spot next to Wooyoung as your eyes keep an eye on their movements. With those who have been accepted, you weren’t as intimidating as you make yourself to be. You wouldn’t admit it openly, you viewed them as your family. You weren’t strict all the time, knowing when to have an iron fist and when to relax. Thoughts were drifting elsewhere that you found yourself gnawing mindlessly on your own water bottle as you watched everyone go through the choreography. Two blinks and you’re focused again. To the untrained eye, it already looked pretty good but to the three of you, you knew it could be better. The team holds the last post for a few counts before doubling over for air. “Catch your breath first then from the top. Seventy five percent energy but I want you guys to focus on your angles and extensions.” You state, much to the relief of some. 

“Does this mean you’re going to have to do spiderman reps?” Wooyoung asks, trying his best to not show his excited smile at seeing you struggle. Little shit. 

“If you’re looking forward to it so much, do it instead.” You shoot back with a smirk. You direct him to join the team in dancing with a quick jerk of your head to their direction. “Join the run. I want to see how you’ve been doing as well.” You stand up. “San! Join the team in the run. I want to see how the two do as well.” 

That’s how the rest of the night goes: repeated countings, claps, and feet stomping to the beat, with the occasional cheering from members to keep the energy up. Before you let everyone go for the day, you asked for one more run of the piece to record. The only issue now is who to ask to hold your phone because all possible places for your phone were either too low or too dangerously high to be on its own. 

You spot Yunho coming out of the basketball court with his bags. His training must have ended. “Jeong Yunho!” Your voice manages to surprise everyone with the volume. Who knew you could bellow at such strength? The tall male’s startled by your voice and walks over to you.

“I didn’t know you could yell that loud. Do you need help with something?” He notes bemused at such a feat. 

“Training can do that. Can you record our run for us, please?” You raise your phone up, hoping he says yes. Everyone’s tired and so are you. His hand is outstretched and it makes you sigh in relief. “You’re the best.” You say. “Start recording when I press play.” The tall male gives you the okay signal as he raises the phone’s angle to make sure everyone’s seen in the screen. Bless his soul. He does as you told him. The run goes without a hitch, by now everyone knows to give their all in the last run to which they do. As your team dances, you notice a familiar brown mop of hair in the peripheral vision. ‘Focus.’ You force yourself to do so as you do your segment, all while cheering for the others who were starting to lose breath. He stands next to Yunho, watching your entire team dance. A small part of you hopes that he’s watching the team as a whole. Once the run was over, a few of the members drop their sore bodies to the floor, relishing the cool feeling of the cement. You dismiss the team, telling them to cool down and stretch on their own as it was late. You walk over to the angel and the demon, both with different emotions displayed on their features. “How was it?”

Yunho hands your phone back and flashes two thumbs up. “That was really cool! You guys really keep with your team’s legacy.” 

Those words make you smile through the exhaustion that has set on your features. “Thank you, you probably have to go now since it’s late. Thanks again for helping us!” You wave him goodbye, doing your best to not look at the demon next to him that stares you down. Just as you were about to leave them be, he speaks up. 

“You looked tired the entire time.” Mingi says with a shrug. “Gotta be an example to your members, y’know?” 

Without looking back at the two males, you heave a sigh. You were tired and the stress for your team and academics was setting in. “Song Mingi, I really am in no mood to deal with your lack of a filter. Please just leave already.” Before you could stop yourself, you find yourself looking over the male. “You call yourself the captain when you’re here throwing unneeded comments. Please do reflect first on yourself before trying to fight me.” You say with a roll of your eyes as you take the chance to leave. 

You don’t see Yunho drag Mingi away before he could say anything. You do see Mingi greet some members of your team and your two best friends as if he didn’t just try to rile you up. You also do see Wooyoung and San’s concern for you. “Don’t do the spiderman reps today. Just do it tomorrow.” Wooyoung immediately pipes up. He knows how you get when you’re angry, the last time you tried to do something out of spite, you sprained your wrist.  

“Let’s just go grab some late dinner. I need food.” Your voice comes out breathier than usual. Too exhausted to bother keeping up a front as you wipe your sweat with the collar of your shirt.. 

The three of you were seated in a fast food chain, dietary plans be damned. You needed something filling and if it was going to be through nuggets, a burger and a big cup of iced coffee then so be it. You had your head in your hands. The two had taken cared of your order, both of them returning to your table with trays full of food and drinks. 

“This is just so shitty..” you mumble, staring at your nuggets. “I have to deal with the mess the alumni left the team with. I mean, I don’t mind covering the expenses from the gigs I’ve done but it’s not going to be enough. Not being in a studio is already so..” you couldn’t continue your thoughts so you shove the entire nugget into your mouth. 

“Don’t beat yourself up. You’re doing everything you can for the team.” San reminds you while he eats his burger. How he manages to fit what looked like a double decker in his mouth was still a mystery to you. 

“The team already knows of the issue since day 1 and they know you’re doing everything you can.” Wooyoung adds gently. He hated seeing you be so tough on yourself.  

Both of them were right but it doesn’t stop you from beating yourself up for having to do your best with tied hands. This isn’t a choreography where you could still move as freely even if you had your hands tied. This is real life with no practice. 

“I know you’re still annoyed at Mingi’s comments but come on, he doesn’t dance. So don’t pay attention to him.” San reminds you, already halfway with his burger. Boys with their almost insatiable appetites without gaining that much weight is something. 

You take a deep breath, pushing the strands of hair that cling to your face as you pull yourself together again. If you were going to cry, it wasn’t going to be here. “Fuck it. I’ll enjoy these nuggets. San, where are we training tomorrow?” 

“Studio. Yeosang got us a discount.” 

“Perfect. Also, make sure he stays in the team once I graduate. His strengths could be so good for house segments also that discount trick he has.” 

“Don’t talk about leaving us yet!!” The two of them cry out at the same time, and by chance they harmonize. 

“Don’t leave the dance team for the choir. Both of you are taking over my position.” You shoot back with laughter. 

The next training comes and it’s a lot more peaceful for your head. Your coach was back teaching another segment for the entire time. Whenever your coach was around, you cut back on your jokes and made sure that everyone didn’t go too out of line with their ways to keep the morale up. The training session leaves everyone much more exhausted as compared to yesterday. 

“Good job guys, you guys did a lot better compared to the last time I saw you. Let’s go for gold.” Your coach says as the three of you, along with Yeosang manage the payments. It’s that type of comments that make this entire competition season worth it. Once all the payments were settled, everyone was slowly going on their own separate ways to deal with their own requirements. Wooyoung and San were going to head to a computer shop to play for a game or two, how long that would be was unknown. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Don’t be late for our history class… Please.” You stated, knowing just how your professor was strict with attendance and tardiness. 

San whines at you. “We won’t! We promise.” 

Wooyoung interjects, “Call him an hour earlier, you know how he is in the mornings.” 

You shake your head at their antics and wave them off. “Fine, see you guys.” You readjust your bag as you slowly make your back to your dorm. A long shower and a hearty meal were needed before you could focus on your papers. After you freshen up, you pick up your laptop and other essentials as you make your way to your usual coffee shop. 

The staff in the coffee shop already knew you. The amount of late nights you spent here to catch up on your studies to the point where they have to tell you to leave as they were closing was innumerable. They also know your current situation just based on your orders. If your order of coffee is stronger than usual, you were most likely stressed. If you had a meal with your drink, you were going to be forcing yourself to finish your requirements. 

You ordered a macchiato with an extra espresso shot and a sandwich. 

By the time your orders came in, you were taking down notes from the reading on your screen. You thank the staff for bringing your order to you, probably having missed them calling your name from the adrenaline in your body to get all of these finished. It’s only when you look up that you catch sight of two familiar faces that were ordering. An exhale and you reach for your earphones. Once you find them you plug them into your laptop, going back to work. 

An elbow jabs his side, and he pulls out his earphones, looking at Yunho with a miffed expression. “What? Yunho, there’s barely any free table here. Let’s just get our orders and leave.” Mingi grumbles. The spare tables were outside but that also meant being in the company of smokers. Yunho pays no heed to his best friend’s complaints and gestures to the table next to yours. 

“That one’s free.”

“You’re insane.” 

“I’m just pointing it out! Besides, air con.” Yunho also adds with a grin. Since last year, his rivalry with you had become a little blurry. He doesn’t remember what the two of you constantly fought about at this point but he clearly knows he can’t stand your presence. His best friend on the other hand, wanted to change that before all of you go on your own lives. 

The air con point was a strong one to fight against. Instead of fighting against it, he just grumbles and lets Yunho do as he wishes. At least if a fight breaks out between the two of you, he could point it at Yunho. The logical part of his head also reasons that if a fight breaks out, his reputation along with the school’s would be destroyed. He couldn’t win. 

He waits for their orders off to the side, prolonging the inevitable of having to sit near you. Once their orders have arrived, he and Yunho carry them towards where you are. 

A hand appears at your peripherals and you look at the owner. The recognition taking a while to set in. The dazed look in your eyes after being disturbed was a little amusing in his perspective. 

“Hey, sorry for disturbing. Is this table free?” He asks with an apologetic smile.

Your eyes scan the entire coffee shop for possible places for them to stay just so they don’t disturb you. All tables were taken. “Uh yeah sure, go ahead.” With that, the two boys sit next to your table as you go back to your work. 

Thankfully, the boys leave you be as you continue to write and read. When you let own a yawn, you knew you had to give yourself a bit of a break. You pull out your earphones as you start eating again to give your brain a break. You look at your list of things to do and a little bit of relief sets in when you manage to finish a good portion of what can be finished tonight. 

“About time you ate.” 

That was enough to cause you to choke on your coffee. You look at the source of the voice and it was Yunho, who was obviously amused with your reaction. 

“Did I scare you?”

“You’re still here?!” You ask incredulous, when you shift your gaze to your front, you were greeted with the devil. Mingi obviously looks like the reading material isn’t much of an interest, not that you could blame him. A small tinge of sympathy sets in you when you realize his notebook was filled with calculations. Yuck. 

Yunho tilts his head in confusion then nods. “Yeah, we have an exam coming up.” The male peeks over his laptop to see that Mingi was on a different topic. “I thought you were studying for history.” 

“Marketing had more things for me to deal with.” The other states in a flat voice as he continues to spin his pen. 

That’s when you notice that there were some eyes on your table, to be specific, on Mingi. It made you a little thankful that you weren’t as out there in the public as he was. It didn’t change the fact that you feel a little bad for the both of them. “Is this under Professor Hwang?” You ask as you catch sight of a familiar reading on Yunho’s laptop. 

“Yeah! Did you take it already?” This causes both pairs of eyes to land on you. 

“I took it earlier today. Do you guys need help?” 

That was enough to make Mingi lean a little forward, for Yunho to look a little more awake. “Are you sure? You’ve been working hard with your own thing.” Yunho reasons carefully. Your to-do list reaches your view again and you take a moment to gauge how good you can juggle your work and theirs. As much as you despised Mingi, Professor Hwang’s anger was something you’d rather everyone avoids. 

“When’s your exam?” By now, your gaze has shifted to your laptop screen as you try to look at your schedule. 

“Friday..” 

“Give me your schedules.” You say, giving Yunho your contact details. “Both of your schedules. I’m already thinking of how to squeeze you into my schedule.” The two boys look at each other in surprise but they give you their schedules, your tone left no room for any opposition. No wonder you were the captain. No wonder people are intimidated by you. Mingi found it impressive. 

“I’ll message Yunho when and where to meet me. We can’t meet during the day, tell me immediately. If both of you want a study session after our respective trainings that work too. Just keep in contact with me with any update.” It wasn’t a request. It’s an order. 

You didn’t even notice that Mingi had pulled his hoodie down to look at you properly. Your attention was too focused on what Yunho was talking about regarding the coverage. None of you really intended to do so but you eventually were giving them tips on how to study for her exam, and they promise-- well more of Yunho promises to make it up to you after. 

“Excuse me, We’re about to close up for the day.” the staff informs gently as he goes to the next table that still had people poring over their books. 

With that, the three of you pack up your things. You finish the rest of your coffee. 3AM. You have 5 hours of sleep left to last through the day. “I’ll see you both depending on your schedules.” It was a reminder for Yunho to send their schedules and he does immediately. You bid them goodbye, as you leave the coffee shop on your way back to your dorm. 

“So they put away their rivalry with you, Mingi.” Yunho notes with a glance at the male who put his hood up once more. He hums in response. To others, he might as well have ignored his best friend for the comfort of his own thoughts. Yunho knows better. Mingi just wasn’t the type of guy who openly admits his thoughts. 

“If we’re studying with them later, can we choose a spot where no one’s looking at us.” He mumbles. Yunho felt for the guy. He didn’t want the role of captain, wanting to just play basketball with a team. Yet being the captain also meant that he would eventually become the face of the university and potential love calls from potential sponsors. The poor guy could barely focus on his studies without having strangers oogle at him when he was outside university grounds. 

“Will tell them.” Yunho returns as the two make their way to their own apartment. 

You reach your room after freshening up. 3:15AM. You were definitely going to need a strong cup of coffee throughout the day. A reminder to call San when you wake up was prepared. With that, your sleep was swift. 

The cursed wind chime alarm jolts you out of your slumber. 8AM. A curse elongated by a dry groan escapes your lips. As you wash your face, you call San’s phone. “Pick up the phone, you sleepy butt.” You mutter as you prepare for your day. 

He finally answers the phone though with a whine that pleads for more sleep.

“Get up. We can’t be late for class.” 

His whines could’ve been mistaken for cries but you hear the sheets ruffle under his movements. 

“I’ll buy you a donut, San. Just please get up and get ready for class.” The things you do for your friends. 

“I’m up, I’m up. Can you get the birthday cake version please?” 

“I’ll buy it after class, so you better show up.” You hang up just in time for a message to come in. 

[ Yunho ] we’re free at 2-4 pm and 10-2am later! 

[ You ] I can help 2:30-4 meet me by the benches near the chemistry department. 

The class goes by painfully slow but you give San the money for the donut. Before he could complain that he wanted you to buy it for him, you quickly cut to the chase. “I just need to help someone with their studies until 4. See you guys later.” 

You arrive at the benches with a sandwich in your free hand. No sign of the two boys yet, so you choose a bench away from prying eyes but visible enough for the two to see you. With some time to spare still, you take a few bites of your sandwich as you look through the notes as a refresher. The shuffling of feet against the pebbles and grass catch your attention. Did you expect Mingi to come first? Maybe this exam really meant a lot for him. 

“Yunho’s following shortly. He just had to use the restroom.” He explains when he notices your wandering eyes. That shuts you up as you give him a polite nod, letting him settle on the bench opposite you. 

“I think you forgot something.” 

When did he strike conversations with you? He hands you your earphones then rubs the back of his neck. 

“You left before Yunho or I could catch you.” 

Your jaw drops slightly at the sight of your favorite earphones. How could this have slipped your mind? This pair was your favorite and your most used due to your activities. “Oh my god. Thank you for taking care of it.” There was no hint of underlying annoyance in your voice as you kept them in your pocket. 

Just then, Yunho jogs towards where the two of you are, sitting next to you. “Sorry to make you wait!” Mingi lets out an exasperated sigh, as he brings out his notes. 

“It’s fine. Let’s get started now cause I don’t think we’ll have any strength to study later.” 

That’s how the ninety minutes go by. Quizzing the two guys on certain topics while giving them tips on how to do well for the exam. It’s not in you to spoon feed them the answers, and even if you did, the exam was half multiple choice and half essay. With every right answer they gave, you would smile brightly and nod. The smile seems a lot brighter around Yunho, when it came to Mingi your smile was a mix of pride and surprise. Not that you thought Mingi slacks off on his studies, he just seems like the type to not pay attention to things that don’t interest him. 

Mingi also notices how you seem to open up when things go smoothly. Almost the entire time, your eyes were on Yunho as he carried the conversation with questions and clarifications over the topic. When he hears his question on the connection of the uprising to succeeding events, he pipes up.

“Wait, Yunho. That’s not part of the coverage, also, a totally different event.. You confused it with the other one.” Mingi explains, brows slightly scrunched as he explains the event to the best that he can from memory. 

You look at him with an impressed smirk. He definitely had brain cells that give him the credit that he deserves. You gesture to him as you shift your gaze back to Yunho. “There’s your answer.” 

Just like that, the bell rings, telling all students that the ninety minutes is over. The broody male is the first to pack his things up, thanking you under his breath. The pink haired male on the other hand, thanks you profusely and waves goodbye to you as they head to their last class. 

You don’t realize the breath you were holding until they left, eyes drop to the earphones that Mingi had returned to you. It’s a nice change you suppose, as compared to all the daggers you’ve thrown at each other. 

Today’s training was held in the same place. Court 2. You could hear the basketballs bouncing against the court floor along with the squeaks of rubber shoes against the floor. If you listened carely, you could hear Mingi cheering for the other members as they continued with their drills. You had your own drills too. This drill being new choreography. The team was picking up the new choreography faster as compared to the past. Those who weren’t part of the segment your coach was teaching were off to the side, cleaning what they know. San and you were part of the group that was learning the new segment. Both of you being the centers. The choreography is admittedly trickier. You didn’t think you’d be doing krumping next to San but here you are. Your group goes through it over and over as your coach directs on how and where to execute the movements. Occasionally, your coach would ask some of you to try a stunt or trick. He wants the gold as much as the entire team and it sometimes reaches the point where he forgets he’s leading student-dancers. 

Your group was gasping for breath afterwards that you had to remind your coach to check on the others and teach the other segments that need to be taught. It worked and it gave your group some more time to breath and rehydrate themselves. Only five weeks left. Ideally, after this week would be intensive cleaning and minor editing. Everyone already had the mix but your coach constantly would try to change little things. Were you worried that this would be rushed and cost the team a place in the top three? Definitely. Being an overthinker and having a coach who was just as bad, if not worse wasn’t helpful. You thanked Wooyoung and San for reminding him of the logistics and reality of things. 

The next few hours go quickly and everyone is admittedly, surprised and relieved that they finished the piece. San gives you a quick massage to relax your nerves as your coach asks the team to do the entire piece, cleanliness not really being something he’d look into for now. The entire number goes by with a few road bumps, none of which he seems to mind. At least he had mercy after being reminded, and by the last run, everyone lets themselves crumple to the ground. Training was officially done for the day. Everyone pays their share for the coach for the day then leaves. Wooyoung and San help you gather the payments then leave quickly, both having to cram papers that were due in two hours. 

This leaves you and your coach alone.

“When is the team going to pay? I need the money too.” You knew where he was coming from. His family had some health issues that had to be dealt with, it was why he didn’t come the other day. You’ve been pestering the team the past few days in the chat for their share, some of them always pushing it back. Your body wanted nothing but to eat something then sleep. Even if you had your gigs as a source of income, it was enough to get you by. With how your coach urgently needed the money and how you couldn’t think clearly, you caved. You ask for his bank account details and right there, you transfer the money to his account from yours. You put the phone screen to his eye level to show the proof of transfer. 

“There.” You say, waiting for him to notice the proof before packing up your things. He nods and you try to keep a note to raise your talent fee in order to make ends meet. He thanks you for the payment and as he was about to discuss another matter regarding the team, he gets a call which you assume is from his family. 

“I have to go. Let’s talk tomorrow.” 

You nod, bidding him goodbye before packing up your things. Holy fuck you were hungry and stressed. Studies, dance and now money? Of all times it had to be when it was near hell week? You want to cry. 

“What are you doing here? It’s late.” Mingi asks, his tone clearly not helping you in your current predicament. 

“What, I can’t stay here now? Is this your territory, Song Mingi?” A groan slips from your lips, but at this point it just sounds like a growl. “I can’t let myself catch my breath here?” You spit out. For once, his eyes widen at your venom. 

“I’m asking because it’s already midnight. You know how the streets outside can be a little dangerous at this hour.” He’s exasperated. A small part of him can’t get himself to be his usual self around you after having helped him in his studies. 

You immediately stand up from your spot, about to give him a piece of your hazy mind. Only, when you stand up, you feel the blood suddenly rush and your head spins for a moment. You lose your balance in that moment and the man knows better than to say anything that could make this worse. 

Maybe it was because of his long limbs that you’ve come to be envious of, or his quick reflexes from his basketball history, regardless he manages to hold you up before you crumple to the ground. His finger gently pulls your lower eyelid down to peek at the color of your eyes. Pale pink. You need to eat and drink something fast. 

“You need to eat.” He states, holding your bag with his free hand as he tries to keep you up. 

You knew that you weren’t really fine but you still had some sort of want for self preservation that you let out a weak lie. “I’m fine.”

“No you aren’t.” The chances of you putting up a fight were low so you let him guide you to the nearest food chain. 

It was the same fast food chain you go to with Wooyoung and San every post training. You couldn’t get yourself to look at the menu, the smell of meat, fried strips of potato and grease were overwhelming you. The bright lights made you want to shut your eyes. He notices this and brings you first to a booth far from the noise of people. “Stay here.” He doesn’t know why he said that, you were in no position to go anywhere else as you bury your features in your arms. He crouches down to your hunched level. “Do you want anything in particular?” You shake your head weakly. “I’ll buy you something okay?” You just nod. No strength in you to say that you didn’t want him to pay for you, that you were broke, that you just wanted to go home and sleep. 

The time he was off buying your meal, you were floating in and out of consciousness. You reach for your water bottle, to finish what was left before the food came. All that was left were two mouthfuls of water which you suppose could stave off the hunger pains. As you wait for Mingi, you fish your phone out from your bag as you message the team to remind them of their unpaid dues. Your next gig wasn’t going to be until after this competition. Could you juggle a gig within the next five weeks while dealing with your student duties? Probably not but it is being considered. 

Mingi arrives shortly with a tray full of food for you and him. “I owe you.” You mumble as you straighten up at the sight of food. He shakes his head as he hands you a double burger, orange juice, and ice cream. For him, a burger, nuggets, ice cream and coke. 

“You need this. Call it even, you’re helping me with my exam.” 

You stare at him for a moment then look at the meal. You were hungry and you couldn’t stop yourself from digging in anymore. The size of the burger makes it a little tricky for you to take big bites, forcing you to take small bites slowly. All of which was Mingi’s plan. After seeing how pale and weak you were, having you eat quickly all of a sudden wasn’t going to be good for you. 

“H-hey, is everything okay?” Mingi asks, alarmed as he hands you some tissue to wipe your cheeks with. “You’re crying.” 

The pad of your thumb brushes against your cheek and you could feel the wetness of your thumb. You take the tissue from his hands as you wipe your eyes. “I guess it’s the stress.” You mumble. It still hasn’t set in that you’ve reached your limit and you’re just wiping away the tears as they come. 

“Wanna talk about it?” He offers. For tonight, he puts aside the sour relationship he has with you. 

So you do. Through the tears and food, you share what’s been causing you distress. The internal issues of your team thanks to the alumni’s mishandling of the finances. The financial issues of having to cover some of those issues with your own money. Your academic workload. The pressure of being a captain when you feel like you just became one because there was nobody else willing to take on the role. Along the way, you ended up admitting your jealousy towards Mingi: how the school tends to favor the basketball team as compared to the arts and dance teams, how he’s doing so well as a captain, how finances is the least of his worries for the team. 

That takes him by surprise. The entire time he’s been giving you hell, you’ve been going through your own hell. The idea of internal financial issues never crossed his mind, though that was mostly due to the fact the school covers the expenses for travel and what not. Along with the sponsorships his team receives from sports brands. While he was so caught up in his own jealousy towards you, he didn’t realize that you had your plate just as filled as his, if not heavier. He says nothing, opting to eat his food as you unload everything you’ve kept from everyone. It was obvious from how affected you were, just how passionate you are for this field and to be disregarded, disrespected and be the one to clean up after the mess would clearly take a toll on anyone. He watches you carefully, you’ve stopped crying but your eyes were puffy. It takes a while before you take a deep breath and that was a sign you finished with your tirade. 

“Are you open for my own thoughts or is it better if I just listen?” He finally asks after finishing his burger. 

You let him take the floor this time as you continue eating your burger. 

Here, he admits his wrong doings to you. Just as you were jealous, so was he. Jealous of how you could keep a low profile despite having performed in front of so many people over the years. How he thought you were doing well in juggling your academics with your workload. How you could manage a team as the sole captain, even if Wooyoung and San were your co-captains. He also admits how he thought your team was doing well in terms of finances considering the clothes you have for the performances. Along the way, he apologizes for having added to your hardships. “If you guys need help with financial stuff, just tell me.” Maybe the words passing around of how rich his family was true. 

You stare at the male, your drink halfway to your mouth. That was enough to make him backtrack his words. “I mean, if that’s okay with you.” Instead of saying anything that could worsen the situation, he just opts to eat the rest of his food in silence. 

For the first time that night, you chuckle at his actions. Fingers brush through your hair as you push away the strands that block your vision. “I’ll think about the offer. Thank you though for it.” 

For the first time, he actually shoots you a genuine smile. He walks you back to your dorm, not minding to carry some of your things. It was a quiet walk, not that any of you minded, at least this silence was comfortable as compared to the tensed ones of the past. 

Once you reach your place, you take your bags from him. “Don’t forget tomorrow okay?” 

He stares at you, confused at what prompted you to say such. A few seconds pass and it clicks. “Ah! Yeah, we’ll be there, same place?” 

You nod as you unlock your door. “Get some sleep Mingi. It’s been a long night.” You bid him a good night with another smile before retreating into the safety of your abode. 

The male realized that your smiles seem to make him feel odd emotions. 

The following day goes by quickly. You manage to do alright in your exams and presentations-- though a good portion of your presentation being candid. You go through your usual routine of buying your lunch as you wait for the two in the same spot. 

You didn’t expect Mingi to call your name out, especially in disbelief. Yunho following him shortly. “What’s the occasion?” Yunho asks as he eyes your business formal attire. You look down at yourself and you realize that they are probably more accustomed to your casual wear and training clothes. 

“Oh, presentations. Some of my professors are particular about the attire so…” you trail off with a shrug. “Anyways, let’s get started before you need to go to your next class.” 

You twist your questions a little more this time, testing their memory and understanding of the events. They manage to answer your questions with ease, even going as far as connecting the events to events that happen after. Your heart swells with pride and confidence. If they pass the exam, they were going to do so with flying colors. 

The bell rings and it’s the same old once more. “That concludes our last session. You’ll do great tomorrow.” You say as you give them a standing ovation. Yunho was the first one to react. 

“Whaaat, it’s that fast?” He whines with a pout. With your attention sole on the faded pink male, you don’t catch Mingi’s mixed expression. Just when the two of you were getting along, both of you were going back to your own lives. “We won’t see you anymore?” He asks, almost like a child whose lollipop was taken from them. 

“Boys, you got class. You’re going to be late!” So you shoo them off. Mingi nods and stalks away, Yunho waving to you as he jogs after Mingi. 

“You think we’ll do okay tomorrow?” 

“We’ve been studying for this more than needed. We better, man.” 

You watch them jog towards their next class until San notifies the group chat of their venue for the upcoming days. 

[ Mountain ] Hey everyone! We’re using the studio for the remaining weeks starting today! ^^ 

[ Welsh Corgi ] fries are on us every pre-training so be there early!

[ You ] *only on wooyoung and san :p 

Who knew that today was going to be the last day you’d see Mingi and Yunho?

Part 2

[orbitariums]

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝟕)

note: omg YALLLLL this chapter took me so long to write and was lowkey frustrating i hope y’all love ittttt 

there’s some teaaaa towards the end y’all!! and i’m soooo excited to see where their relationship goes

this is i think the longest chapter of girls on film? BEAR WITH ME!!

playlist

warnings: age gap, masturbation, sexually frustrated steve!, feelingsss <3, mentions of weed & alcohol

word count: 10.7k

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 7: 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

    "Okay, now twirl around for me a little."

Aaliyah threw her head back with laughter as she followed through with your request and spun around, her dress lifting up while she turned, a smile on her face all the while. The light hit her just right against the brick wall she was posing in front of, and you chuckled as you snapped a photo on your cheap - but functioning - camera. You paused to look through the pictures and grinned as you scrolled through the selection.

   "I keep telling you my cousin takes pictures, she could've hooked us up with a photoshoot photoshoot, like a real one."

    "I know," you grinned, speaking quietly as you were still focusing on the results of the pictures you'd just taken. "I wanna do everything myself though, you know?"

You squinted through your sunblocked eyes as you looked up at your beautiful best friend, continuing,

    "Total creative control."

Aaliyah gazed down at you in admiration, and pushed up the sunglasses that you designed,

    "That's YN for you. Independent in every way. How'd the pictures come out?"

     Aaliyah bounded up next to you, unable to contain all her excitement to see herself in your clothes. Today was the long awaited photoshoot that you and Aaliyah had been organizing for the past week, a photoshoot wherein Aaliyah modeled for your brand. You organized it together, just the two of you, and put together a plan. You were always ready to organize something, which was why you performed so well at all your jobs - student, state rep office intern, and camgirl.

    But this was more than just logic and planning, you truly put your heart and soul into this, because even though you did a lot already, you were centering your clothing brand as your main focus as the summer and graduation drew closer. After college, you'd have to figure your life out. Aaliyah would be trying her hand at med school, but with your Environmental Studies major, you didn't figure that you would be attending grad school. You could get an entry level job somewhere, a place that was similar to your job as an intern at the state rep office, because you could advocate for environmental policy there.

     Or you could continue working where you worked, but you figured after graduation it would be best to shift. You already had your own place, and had moved out of college dorms at the end of your sophomore year, so you had no reason to move. But regardless of what you ended up doing as a career, you were excited for free time to continue your clothing brand.

You had already created the website, and you were going to be putting up listings following this photoshoot in which Aaliyah modeled all the clothing you had available. This was an exciting day for both of you, you felt like you were moving into the next step of your life and Aaliyah was so glad to be supporting you. You showed her the pictures while she squealed in awe, the both of you clamoring over which ones were the best. You felt grateful for this moment, and prayed there would be more like this to come. Right now was only the beginning.

     "Issa look!" you chimed excitedly, pointing at one of the pictures of Aaliyah in a pair of distressed jeans and a tube top you had sewn.

      "YN, I'm seriously so proud of you," Aaliyah said suddenly, and more serious than usual, making you look up from the camera.

You smiled bashfully,

     "Thank you, babes."

     "No, but really though. These past few months just watching you and being your friend has been amazing. Like you've grown so much, it's crazy. And now you're here finally starting your own brand. I know we're gonna be doing different shit once college is over but I'm so excited to see what more comes out of this, and who you become."

     You nearly teared up at Aaliyah's words. She had really been by your side ever since you met, but especially over the past few months, and without even fully knowing what was going on. She might have known about your toxic ex, but you'd hardly spoken to her about Steve. Before you found out who he was, it was just a fun thing, and you only talked about it in joking spirits - but not too much, because you didn't want it to seem like it was serious. And now that you knew who he was, you didn't talk about him at all - she didn't even know that he'd ghosted you.

     But the fact that she stayed by your side all that time, watching you crumble and watching you build yourself back up again, oblivious to the entire story, made you feel so grateful for her. You had done the same for her and she would always do the same for you. The reciprocation wasn't transactional, it was mutual and out of love.

     Now you were slowly but surely moving on to the next chapters of your lives. While that wouldn't change how close you were, it would mean that you wouldn't be on the same campus day in and day out, and that could make things different. But you were glad to know you had a friend like her to hold you down.

     Days like this where you were thriving, making progress, getting shit done, were days where you felt your best.

✺ ✺ ✺

     It had been a little over a week since Steve started talking to you on Snapchat, figuring the ins and outs of the ten second videos you would send to him or post on your story, how to customize his Bitmoji to look like him (something you guided him through), and even how to send snapchats himself. You were much more advanced than him when it came to that, though, and you never failed to make fun of Steve for his lack of knowledge on how to take a proper selfie. But as much as Steve loved the fun of Snapchat and the new way to communicate with you as just you, he couldn't help but feel like there could still be more.

And again, he thought that maybe it was possible he was getting eager and hopeful to the point of illusion. Like maybe he was only feeling this way because this was all so new to him and the euphoria that came with this new, exclusive friendship was leading to delirium. But it was a small part of him that felt this way, and he had spent enough time thinking about it to have logical conversations with himself about it. He wasn't letting it drag him down, nor was he drowning in his thoughts.

    No, that was what he would've done before. Like you, he had been through some sort of growth, even while he was in the slump that was induced after he stopped talking to you. He realized it was time to stop resisting out of fear and just communicate honestly with himself what he wanted, instead of just sinking into the same cycles he used to let himself go through when he was avoiding the truth.

And so that was why despite this small thought he had, that he was going overboard because he wasn't used to this kind of situation, he didn't brush it off completely. He knew that this tugging feeling at his heartstrings was there for a reason, that if he were to ignore it, he'd either give in dangerously, or miss a beautiful opportunity.

    He was taking things slow though, which was why he wasn't just diving straight into the feelings of more intimate attraction that he knew could definitely be there if the both of you just pushed the blinds back a little. What he knew he wanted now though, was the opportunity to continue talking to you on a deeper level. Snapchat was nice, but it felt a bit artificial.

There was only so much that you could do to communicate on a real level over the internet, seeing as you lived on the other side of the country from each other. Steve might have been old fashioned for wanting more, when there was only so much he could get.

     But he felt like there was an option for even more personal interaction, though having you on Snapchat felt incredibly intimate - seeing no one else on the cam site got to see your regular life like this. He started to think about the brief conversation he had with you in which you were trying to decide how to communicate safely and personally outside of the Girls on Film site. One of the methods that came up was texting. But for the sake of safety, Steve had denied that form of communication.

     Now, though, he was having second thoughts, spurred on by a moment he caught between Natasha and Tony while he was in the meeting room going through paperwork.

They had been sitting in the meeting room too, Natasha just scrolling through one of her many phones with her feet up on the table before her, a red twizzler sitting in her mouth.

     "Mind taking your feet off the table?" Tony asked shortly, glaring at Natasha and the way she was sitting.

     "Why?" Natasha droned, eyes slowly moving to meet Tony's.

     "Uh, how 'bout because it's incredibly expensive material and I just got it professionally cleaned."

     "No one asks you to get the tables professionally cleaned you bourgeoise ass," Natasha snapped back, but she put her legs down anyways, continuing to tap away on her phone.

Steve was just regarding their snapping at each other as background music, and not really paying much attention. Natasha sighed suddenly,

     "I don't understand why it's so hard for these buyers to understand that I can't give them my real number. Like, am I giving mixed signals?"

Tony chortled at Natasha's demise. Steve knew Natasha was referring to the fact that she sometimes used a blocked number for business or personal reasons, and that when she used it, no one could see the number it was coming from. It was basically an encrypted phone number which Tony helped set up. Natasha was in the habit of building up a knife collection as a hobby. Whether or not she would put those knives to use was unknown, but it was something she was doing for the time being.

    Steve hadn't thought much about it, but now that he was hearing Natasha actually talk about texting these people, he was starting to perk up and listen to her. Inevitably, thoughts of you started to trickle into his mind. Like, if Natasha could use her phone for personal matters such as this, there was a likelihood that Steve could maybe, just maybe, do the same thing. He knew that Natasha's personal matters weren't quite the same as his own, but it was worth a try.

    "There's something about a dominant woman that men can't resist," Tony commented, and Natasha rolled her eyes.

    "You'd think the fact that I'm buying knives from them would make them a little less comfortable," she grumbled, and Tony put a supportive hand on her shoulder, patting her arm.

    "You could scare 'em off, don't worry."

    Steve was leaning forward, listening closely to the conversation now. Natasha turned her head over to Steve with a devious smirk,

     "What's up, Steve? Think you could give us some insight on this?"

She was teasing him mercilessly, alluding to that forsaken time that Steve's guilty pleasure had been broadcast on the projector during one of their meetings. That hadn't quite been forgotten yet, and still got brought up in a teasing manner, though no one could figure out why Steve became so withdrawn when it was brought up. Steve was only lucky they didn't know the full extent of his endeavors. Steve stilled slightly, but didn't retract, only replying with a stern glare at Natasha before he continued.

    "You... text these buyers?"

    "Yeah. I have like, a bunch of numbers on one phone, Tony hooked it up. And I have a bunch of other phones. It's kinda hard to keep track. The only people that really have my number are like, you two, and some other people here. But it's rare that we even text for, you know, personal, kinda recreational stuff. Unless Tony wants my opinion on what movie we should watch," Natasha shrugged.

     "Huh," was all Steve said, but he leaned back in his chair, stroking his chin slightly in contemplation.

      "By the way, why don't you ever text me? Thought we were friends, Steve," Natasha joked lightly, but Steve was already focused on furthering what was just the beginning of his idea.

     "He doesn't need to text you, you routinely save each other's lives," Tony scoffed.

      "Tony, mind if I talk to you about something? In private," Steve turned his head to Tony and locked eyes with him.

Tony just smiled and got up instantly,

     "Steve, I never thought you'd be the one asking to step into my office."

      Steve cringed, thinking back to the time when Tony had asked to step into his office and had passed on the knowledge of Girls on Film to Steve, reminiscing on Tony's immense sense of pride and his need to act as a therapist.

     "We can just talk in the hallway," Steve suggested, but to no avail, Tony shaking his head and marching up to Steve, putting his arm around his shoulder.

     "No, no, step into my office," Tony repeated, leading Steve to his office where he closed the door, and gestured for Steve to sit in front of the desk while Tony settled into his seat behind the desk. Once they got settled in, Tony just grinned at Steve. "So... you need something."

    "It was really just a simple question, we could've even talked about it in the meeting room," Steve started to stammer, feeling a little less confident in his decision to try to talk to you on a personal level.

      When he'd heard Natasha talking about how she was able to text personally through a blocked number, he started to think of you and the conversation you'd had about texting him. Snapchat had ended up being the compromise for the two of you, but Steve was beginning to think texting might be better. He loved seeing your life on Snapchat, but social media could only be so real. And Steve wanted to be able to call you and FaceTime you. He could do all those things on Girls on Film, but he was taking a break from that. Besides, it wouldn't really be a friendship if he had to pay you to talk to you.

     "Well, you're here now. Let it loose," Tony shrugged, and Steve nodded.

     "I was just wondering exactly how Nat's able to text people personally without them seeing her number. I know you're kinda the one in charge of all our technology, and hell if I know how to do it myself."

    "Done. I can walk you through it."

    "Oh, really. Just- just like that?" Steve sat up, starting to get a little excited thinking of the now possibilities.

Tony shrugged, as if it were quite simple,

    "Pretty much. You seem excited." Tony started to sound like he was catching in, leaning back in his chair and resting his chin on his palm, raising an inquiring brow. "Wanna talk to someone special?"

    "Special?" Steve nearly choked on his own words, shaking his head and lowering it, not wanting to make eye contact with Tony. "No, no... nothing like that."

He laughed nervously, both because he was a bit of a newbie when it came to lying, and because he was thinking of you, which already made him appear a little dopey. He tried to control it, but in reality, thinking of you actually made him smile. It was confusing - he hadn't felt that way before, and he definitely didn't expect it from himself. He was serious, deep into his work. And you weren't distracting him from his work, but you were making his days just a bit brighter.

     And it was something that puzzled him, delightfully. It was why he knew he had to dig deeper, not recoil and be concerned. The confusion was actually pleasant to work through. It helped him sort through his feelings, because the confusion only uncoiled to show his true feelings of desire. He figured maybe the confusion just stemmed from the fact that he never allowed himself to give into these kinds of feelings. So he didn't understand them, not quite yet.

He just knew there had to be a reason that this situation felt so unique. If he didn't give into his feelings until now, there had to be something there. It told him that he should get to know you on that level. It gave him that push to finally test out the waters. Steve Rogers, actually catching romantic feelings - it didn't even sound right, yet it was exactly what was happening. Everyday, he seemed to go even deeper.

    "Special lady?" Tony guessed, making Steve compose himself and look up, folding his arms, crossing his legs and looking dead ahead at Tony.

    He shook his head and sniffled slightly, eyes breaking away from Tony as he started to lie again, this time as best as he could,

    "No."

    "You sure about that, Cap?" Tony began to pry, one raised eyebrow at a time. "I mean, there's gotta be a reason you've been all... cute lately."

    "Cute?" Steve scoffed, furrowing his brows and looking at Tony.

Steve wasn't exactly nervous to be having this conversation, but it wasn't exactly something he wanted to entertain with Tony. Again, he was keeping you, your relationship, private. Not secret, but private. Nobody else needed to know what Steve had been getting down to, and he didn't want them knowing the specifics of it - not because he was afraid of the fact that you were a sex worker or that you were younger, but because it would be best if he didn't have to explain himself and just how he'd gotten to meet you.

    It wasn't like he was forbidden from seeing anyone, in fact it was encouraged by almost everyone that Steve knew. He just figured there might be more hubbub if he had to explain that he hadn't actually met you in real life - he didn't want his team doubting the security of the relationship you two had, or passing along premature judgments. Besides, he wasn't even fully sure himself. He was really only just now looking into the idea. He didn't want everyone in on it before he even solidified anything.

    Tony rolled his eyes, waving his hand dismissively,

    "You know what I mean. You've been all, you know, nice again. What's goin' on champ, you can talk to me. Who's the girl?"

Steve shook his head. Surely people had noticed his shift in character yet again, and it was becoming more prominent everyday. Tony would be the first to meddle, try to figure out why. No one knew why he'd been so moody the past few months, or why his moods would suddenly change positively. And he wasn't wrong, it was a girl. But Steve wasn't ready yet. He shook his head, denying it one last time before getting up out of his chair,

     "It's nothing like that. I do want that blocked number, though."

    "Easy."

| | |

     Tony tried to pry again later on when he showed Steve how to use his phone to block out his own number, but Steve didn't give in, he just took the phone back and closed the door to his room, logging on to Snapchat so he could talk to you.

     You replied to him quickly, his name popping up on your screen. It was funny, you went through so many names for him on Snapchat (cap, captain, Mr. America, even Mr. Rogers), but you decided to keep it simple. Like Steve, you were also keeping this private - who would you tell besides Aaliyah anyways?

It would be wise for you to keep it private, and that's what you were doing. That's why his name on your Snapchat was just: "Steve ❤️ 💙" followed by a red and blue heart. Although, true to his nature, his username was: "SG.R0818", a username he practically randomized in order to stay incognito.

    He was glad you responded fast, from that moment and onward. Even though the both of you talked to each other on the app, you each had busy schedules and different time zones. So sometimes responses were a bit laggy. Still, your conversations always felt right.

Steve ❤️ 💙 Hey, I've got something I wanted to talk to you about.

YN ♡ shoot!

Steve ❤️ 💙 I was thinking about what you said, about texting each other.

YN yeah... are you tryna say something stevie?

     Steve's upper lip curved up at the nickname. You didn't know it, or maybe you pretended not to, but it spurred something inside of him when you used any kind of nickname on him. It was just in your naturally flirty demeanor to do so, and maybe this was how you showed Steve that you saw the romantic potential as well. You both obviously did like each other as more than friends, but neither of you had really acted on that yet, and that was fine with you. Just hinting at it, slightly, and being friends, was enough. You didn't think it was that serious.

Steve ❤️ 💙 I decided that I think it would be nice for us to try to text each other. I like Snapchat, but texting is a little easier. We could FaceTime and call each other if you want. I just think it might be a little more real - well, as real as it can get over the phone.

If that's something you're comfortable with. My number would be blocked out, but you'll know it's me.

     It was a good thing that Steve couldn't hear you, because you kind of made a weird squealing noise, and threw your hand over your mouth, eyes widened. You were used to talking to him by now, but it was still quite exciting to know who you were talking to. And the idea of actually texting him, and maybe even calling him and getting to see his face outside of your cam website? It excited you.

     And it made you happy to think that he really wanted this friendship to go somewhere. You didn't know the full extent of what he wanted to do just yet, but you were glad to see that he was trying, and that he actually enjoyed talking to you enough to want to text and call you regularly. So you steadied your fingers before you typed back, hoping to show your enthusiasm through a simple Snapchat.

YN i'd love to! i'm so glad it's something you've been thinking about. i agree, it feels better to text sometimes. and it'll feel even more normal, i guess. here, i'll give you my number so you can text me.

     And from that moment on, Steve was in. He was almost giddy saving your number as a contact. For him, for the both of you, this was another step forward in your relationship. It felt like you were slowly trusting each other more and more. You had already knocked down a major wall just by talking to each other after the reveal to begin with, and by having the reveal in the first place.

      So, he was glad that this was coming into fruition. He was satisfied with this. For now. For your name, he typed in your real first name, because that was how he knew you now. And your real name would stand out less if anyone got ahold of his phone messages somehow. He started out by sending a simple text, saying hello and making sure you knew it was him. And even though his number was blocked out, it was clear as day. You were both glad to have moved on to this, to have so many forms of communication between the two of you. It didn't seem like a big deal, but considering your situation, it kind of was. The littlest steps made the room shake.

✺ ✺ ✺

    The days seemed to flow by at this point. Like, you felt like getting through life was a breeze. No unexpected storm to knock you off your smooth sailing course to greatness. You were truly moving up, on and out. You felt like now, after all the time you took for yourself to heal, all the time you spent in a sort of neutral state - not going out much, staying to yourself - you could really celebrate.

      Even though you were growing all through that neutral state, you felt like now you could finally see through all the fog that had gathered. All the uncertainty that had followed you along your path was nonexistent. You were just glad that you were back on your feet again and feeling like you could take on more new things.

    Now that you were nearing graduation, you were really just focusing on final projects and exams schoolwise. For yourself, you were starting work on your online clothing store and camming even more. And you were enjoying your life, being a normal college student, who had Steve Rogers' number. Maybe you didn't actually have his number, but that was how you were choosing to describe it. If you didn't have the discipline that you had, you would be telling everyone about this. But you weren't stupid, so you kept it all to yourself.

    You and Steve often talked late into the night, or at random times during the day. Towards nighttime, your conversations often became a bit deeper, the kind of conversation that would've scared Steve off a while ago. But he was becoming more comfortable with you, and you could tell. You were moving slowly so as to be careful, but you didn't feel like you had to. You just figured it would be wise. But these deep conversations touched on the topics that you hadn't been able to get into that time when Steve left so abruptly.

    When the stars were peering into your bedroom window late at night, that was when you opened up about your past love life. He listened to you talk about your ex, give all the details about it, and he listened to you talk about how much healing it took you to get out of the nasty habits that had developed all through your life, but especially when you were with your ex. How you learned to be more independent, how you learned not that you couldn't trust, but that you had to be mindful about your relationships. You had always been driven, but especially after that mess of a situation.

    Your whole life you'd been surrounded by this sense of needing more in some way. Your parents were loving, but they didn't always show it - they supported you mostly, but there was no way you could really show them who you were, not entirely. There was always this air of dismissiveness that came from them, and you had never been close to either of them, not the way other kids were.

So you knew what it was like to be grasping for something, anything. You just wanted love in its unconditional form, you wanted a life that wasn't hindered by those around you.

   Sometimes this made your life even harder, because you found yourself doing things for people who didn't deserve it, hoping that they might see how much you were willing to do for them and maybe even reciprocate. But these days, your want, your human need for love and emotional support just pushed you further, blocked out the people who you didn't really need, and attracted you to the lifestyle that you deserved. And you turned out alright, but it took a lot to keep going. You buried yourself in work which you genuinely enjoyed. You tried new things, you moved out on your own, you created your own sturdy relationships. You knew how to make a pathway out of a rocky road. You were just glad that you felt like you were gliding through your life nowadays, and that the ship was sailing smoothly.

Steve was one of the people who you felt like the universe had somehow brought to you for a positive reason.  A strange and random decision, but positive, nonetheless. You thought of how odd the circumstance was and you figured, it must have been destined. You were glad to be having these kinds of conversations with him.

And you were also glad that you had the beach. California wasn't California without its lustrous, beautiful, palm tree filled beaches. You were on your way to one with a few friends right now, on a weekend with no classes, celebrating after an intense study week, preparing for finals. The radio was blaring, the windows turned down, the warm and salty sea breeze blowing in through the open windows.

     Around you was sort of this happy blur. You absorbed it, being jostled around by your friends dancing beside you, Aaliyah right by your side. You were laughing and smiling, a bottle of Capriccio's Sangria to your lips, babbling along to the song on the radio.

    "Y'all are way too hype right now," your friend Violet joked from the front passenger seat, sat next to her boyfriend Luke, who was the designated driver.

She was met with a chorus of voices singing along to the radio song, and just rolled her eyes playfully, laughing. It felt good to finally be celebrating, especially since you'd been very focused on school for the past week. The beach was one of your favorite places to be - you felt so much at home. You grew up surfing all through middle school and high school, and this area was quite popular for surfboarding, so you were giddy at the thought of that. The beach felt like home to you, a California native.

    Sure, it wasn't all sunshine and ocean waves, but you were pretty much the epitome of a California girl, and proud. So for you, it was a lot of sunshine and ocean waves. You felt a strong connection to this place, but you were always willing to explore. It was why you were so attached to traveling and hiking.

    "YN, you look literally so pretty today," your friend Cameron complimented you as you held up your phone, taking a very impromptu selfie.

Your closed, glossy lips were turned up in a smile, your cheeks full and eyes slightly glazed over from the combination of a shared joint and the liquor you'd been drinking on the way.

    "Cam," you pouted, leaning over and kissing their cheek. "You're literally so pretty, everyday."

You cooed over each other while you pressed send on your selfie, sending it to Steve on Snapchat with no caption.

    "Girl, who are you sending that to?" Aaliyah grinned devilishly, peeking over your shoulder as she caught your screen out of the corner of her eye.

Before she could see, you shut off the phone and narrowed your eyes at her playfully, poking your tongue out at her,

     "Nobody!"

     She smiled but didn't seem fully convinced, pointing at you,

      "It better be me. I need a new lock screen."

      "Oh, you flatter me," you teased, smiling and sitting back, laying your head on Aaliyah's shoulder and your legs across Cameron's lap, sitting in this blurry, noted happiness.

      You weren't thinking, you were just living in the moment, enjoying the smell of the ocean waves as you drifted closer to the scorching shore, focusing on the light scratch of acrylic nails massaging your scalp, the touch of a friend's arm resting over your bare legs, clad in shorts with a bikini bottom underneath, and a discarded shirt tied around your waist as you lay in your bikini top. You didn't know how your mindless selfie would inspire a confession.

✺ ✺ ✺

    "Finally, you dweebs chose a movie," Nat grunted as she sat down in between Steve and Sam, sprawling out and kicking her legs up on Sam's lap.

    "Not sure when I became your body pillow," Sam made a face at Nat, but he made no effort to push her away, his comment only making Tony scoff,

    "You're saying you wouldn't want that?"

    "Don't be a perv, Tony," Wanda reprimanded him, and he made a face, feigning innocence,

    "What? Is it so wrong to cuddle with a friend?"

    "I'm not understanding," Vision commented.

    "Can we just start the movie?" Bucky whined through his laughter.

Steve was entertained by the conversation, but he had other things on his mind. Well, really just you. Steve thought about you everyday. You came across his mind whether he meant for you to or not. Sometimes he saw something and thought of you, because he was learning something new about you everyday, ever since adding you on Snapchat. He learned these little things about you through your Snapchat stories, and you'd been texting each other every day since he got your number.

     He also learned things about you that weren't so little, and whenever you shared those things about yourself, he made sure to pay attention. When you shared these things with Steve, he found himself being mindful of what he said and how he replied - mindful instead of careful or hesitant. He was learning to absorb your words and turn them over in his mind. He was making an effort to try and understand you in the things you said that exposed your little quirks, your core beliefs, your history.

    He appreciated how open you were being with him, and he understood how he had a responsibility, being who he was, to keep you feeling secure enough to share these things, to constantly make it clear that he understood, or at the very least, that he was listening. He just wished he had more time to flesh it out, to talk these things out over the phone instead of over text, or even in person, something that he knew wouldn't be possible.

    And even though he felt so much closer now that he had your number, he couldn't help the small tugging inside of him that told him he'd be wanting more- and he couldn't figure out what "more" would look like for the life of him. You were so beautiful, it was overwhelming, and you gave Steve constant reminders of your beauty in every text, every goodnight selfie, every story you shared. Everyday he was falling harder for your beauty, inside and out.

     It was lighthearted still. It didn't feel serious because the idea didn't make him feel unsettled, it didn't make him recoil in fear. But it had the potential to be serious, without all the negative dread that usually came with realizations such as this. He was just flirting with the idea of forging this romantic connection with you, but this tugging in him was now asking him when? When would he tell you how he felt, when would it get to the point where he needed to tell you? For now, Steve was just living through it, letting himself be free and happy in the moment.

     He was satisfied with what he had now, when it came to you. He'd already taken the next step by getting your number and finding out even more ways to communicate with you outside of the site. He didn't want to feel ungrateful for wanting even more, for even entertaining the idea of telling you how he was feeling, especially when it wasn't anything deadly serious yet.

    He knew he liked you, the fact was clear as day. He knew the way he liked you had the potential to be romantic, otherwise he wouldn't be thinking about you this often, and he wouldn't be seeing you in such a beautiful light. He felt lighter on his feet any time you came into his mind, and in his mind, there was a golden aura around you, around everything you did.

The fact that he saw you in this way made him think hard. Would he feel even more than he was feeling? Would it become enough that he would have to tell you? And he wondered, if, and only if, he did announce it - when would that point come? He was in a daze, leaning back on the couch, his phone in his hand while he waited for the movie to start up.

     "What are we watching, again?" Nat called out, cupping her hands over her mouth.

     "Star Wars: A New Hope," Tony smirked, satisfied with the movie choice.

     "Is that the one with the dog monster?" Rhodey made a face, shaking his head slowly. "Not a huge fan."

     "Pretty sure his name is Chewbacca," Bucky corrected Rhodey, and Sam cackled, clapping in satisfaction.

     "The senile knows more about one of the most iconic movie franchises than you," he teased. "How does that work?"

Steve just shook his head and smiled, turning his head to Bucky who was talking to him,

    "You ever seen Star Wars?"

    "No, but I'm pretty sure Sam recommended it," Steve smiled lazily.

    He hadn't quite updated Bucky on his status with you, but they had talked about it briefly since the time Bucky had given Steve the advice that helped push him to talk to you again. Steve was purposefully very vague during the talk with his best friend, but he made it clear that things were patched up. Bucky probably could've figured it out before anyone else, could've made the connection between Steve and Moonrose first, because Steve had given him the most information about it.

    "It's pretty good, I've seen the prequels - that guy Darth Vader, he was actually pretty hot before he turned. You'll see, we should watch all the movies together," Bucky explained simply and carefully, as if it were common knowledge to him.

Steve was laughing, shaking his head.

    "Sure pal," he was beginning to say, before he diverted his attention to his phone as a notification lit up his screen. It read: Snapchat: YN. His eyes lit up, and he tried to hide his excited reaction as he opened the picture from you. And when he did, he wasn't ready for what he was seeing.

    You sent Steve a lot of pictures, and he thought you were gorgeous in all of them, even the ones with the filters that made your face look all distorted. But something was different about this picture, the vibes it gave off. He felt the same way he felt when he would watch your shows - like he was there with you, because he could feel your happiness emanating through the screen.

He felt like if he looked at it long enough, he might be there with you. And everything about this picture was glowing, especially you - it screamed young, college girl having the time of her life, and that made him feel so happy for you.

    And it also stirred a feeling in him, something that hadn't been awoken for a long time.

    Upon viewing the image, he immediately cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably because of the growing tent in his pants, trying to hide his phone screen so no one would look.

    The picture was so simple. You were in a car, sun shining through the windows, the light hitting you just right, and you were smiling. But Steve was hyperfocused on the way you had obviously been basking in the sun, the glow clear on your face. Your skin was dewy and fresh, and your lips were sheen in a pink gloss that only called more attention to them. Your hair seemed wild around your shoulders, but it only made you look more appealing, more free spirited.

And again, you'd sent him so many pictures like this, but for some reason, this photo in particular was somehow arousing everything in him. You were so beautiful it hurt- he felt a pang in his chest, and the sudden growth in his pants didn't assist with the pain.

   Your eyes, though vibrant and youthful, were glazed over, and all Steve could think of was how they looked when you blinked away tears after an intense orgasm. He thought about your soft, luscious lips against him, but this time he was thinking about what it might be like to kiss your lips, tainted with red.

And to add insult to injury, you were wearing a tight bikini top, and the picture cut off just where your breasts started to show, peeking out through the white fabric, the thin white strings against your sun kissed shoulders holding them up - just barely. He felt so fucking stupid. Like he shouldn't be feeling so much because of a simple image. But whatever was happening, this picture was stirring up something inside of him that he couldn't ignore. This had to be taken care of.

    He sat up immediately, trying to use his shirt to cover his boner, feeling juvenile and lightheaded, even a little giggly.

    "You okay?" Bucky asked, glaring up at Steve in concern - he'd been talking, but Steve seemed distracted suddenly.

    "Mhm," was all Steve could strain out from his throat.

    "What the hell, Steve? I'm about to show you one of my very favorite films and this is the reception I receive?" Tony barked, offended.

     "I've been telling you, that superserum is wearing off," Sam joked, something him and Tony loved to say when Steve acted out of character - like the times when Steve got caught smiling for no reason - or just whenever Steve annoyed Tony.

     "I- just- I'll be right back," Steve stammered, flustered, then he carefully walked out of the theater room and out of sight.

    It had been over a month since Steve had left and came back to you. In that period of time, he had been gloomy, neutral, then back to being light on his feet again, one after the other. And he hadn't viewed any of your content since then. A few times he tried to get himself off, but it was worth nothing. He could barely guide himself, and he didn't want anybody else to assist him the way you had, it was one of the things that made you so special.

So his attempts to satiate his pleasure came in the form of witless, rough jerks that didn't even get him anywhere near that point. And each time, he was back to thinking about you, but the thoughts could only get him so far.

    But now that you were friends again, Steve didn't let himself think of you in that way. Or, he tried not to. But this picture, for some reason, just reversed everything he was trying to avoid. He tried to understand his reaction in the short amount of time that he quickly walked to his room, trying and failing to ignore the stone hard bulge hanging in his loose grey joggers.

    Thinking, as straight as he could, he figured that his senses were overrun from thinking of how much he might like you and then having to see such a vivacious picture from you. It felt like a sign that it was time to finally fulfill the pleasure he'd been putting off. It was too much for him to handle- your beauty, the domesticity of the happy picture, in combination with his doting thoughts of you. And maybe he'd already been a little distracted to begin with, needing some form of release. It had been a very long time since he'd allowed that for himself.

     "Calm down, Steve," he muttered to himself, forcing a smile at Pepper, who was walking past him.

He finally got to his room and closed the door behind him, falling back onto his bed immediately. As he fiddled with the drawstrings on his sweatpants, he brought his phone up to make sure the image of you was still there. When he saw it still there on his screen, he sighed in dismay, thinking of what he was doing.

     He was almost embarrassed that you brought him to that point without even trying, arching his back off the bed to remove his sweats fully. He brushed it off and breathed out, eyes honing in on the image as he began to palm himself over his boxers. He groaned, feeling a sense of sweet relief already, just from his hands gently palming himself.

    He briefly thought back to the times when he had tried to get off by himself, tugging to no avail. This wouldn't be like those times. This would be gentle, and he already knew, by the burning feeling in his stomach, that it would bring him pleasure. He dipped his hand inside of his boxers, carefully guiding himself out. His hard length fell hard against his stomach and he grunted from his throat, his jaw ticking as he took himself in his hand and began to stroke slowly, breathing heavily through his nose like a routine.

    He was looking at the picture of you, but his mind began to wander to other things- flashbacks of you helping him get to that point through the screen, a sensation neither of you had experienced in quite a long time.

    "Fuck," he practically whimpered, the words spilling out of his throat so uncontrollably as he choked them out.

    He was missing those times dearly. As much as he was able to view you as a friend, nothing would compare to the way you made him feel. He didn't have you here to guide him at the moment, and for good reason - he didn't want you to, not now. You were trying to be friends for the time being, retain some sense of normalcy.

But, if you were there to guide him, he wouldn't complain. And even in this moment which was so unholy, he felt delicate, the light of the spring sunshine streaming through the window blinds and curtains, splayed across his room, painting the light blue walls with a sheen of pale yellow.

    At some point, he really wasn't even looking at the photo anymore, just focusing on the sensations and the visions of you that his mind made up. His eyes were closed, head to the side, his arm against his forehead. In his ears he heard your voice gasping out his name while you came, in his mind he pictured your slick pooling out of you as you finally removed your fingers, breathing heavily from an orgasm. Sure, you had been performing for him, but that didn't mean it wasn't truth. The sounds and images he imagined made him stroke himself quicker, pumping harder and faster than the slow, delicate strokes he'd started with. He tried to calm himself down, but the pleasure was unbeatable. He switched from those fast tempo strokes to the gentle strokes that felt so tantalizing. Your voice was fresh in his mind - but it wasn't all devilish. It came in your laughter, the sound of your voice as you sang along to a song on the radio and posted it on your story. Then it came with deep bass, the sound of you urging him to come, pleading him to come with you.

     The image of your eyes was prominent in his mind, coming in waves. Sometimes they came in strong, fierce tides as he pictured your eyes, staring into the computer screen while you wrapped your lips around a toy that you used to substitute for him, because he couldn't be there, but it felt so much like he was. Then sometimes they came in undulating, passionate waves as he pictured the crinkles that formed around your eyes when you smiled, the way you batted your lashes on screen.

   It was strange to have such fluctuating thoughts of you, ranging from filthy to innocent. Usually the thoughts when he was getting off were just filthy. This was new, and it seemed to pleasure him even more just to think of your smile, your innocent eyes. What was going on? He couldn't quite figure it out, nor did he care to in the moment. The thought of you, Moonrose, YN, and he came undone.

    He came groaning and panting heavily, weeks of unmet release painting his stomach and legs. His chest trembled as he took one last breath, took his hand off his eyes, and peeked out the window blinds at the dazzling, bright city just outside. He cleaned up silently, not thinking much because his mind was too excited to let him think.

And there were so many questions that lay unanswered: "why was he able to get himself to that point just by the thought of you?" "why had the thoughts been so strangely innocent and new?" And most of all, why did he even feel this way because of you?

    Then once he was all cleaned up, changing boxers in the bathroom, he took a good look at himself in the mirror, and the clarity hit. Firstly, he realized of course, he had to tell you. It wasn't like Steve to behave this way so suddenly and he felt like it was something he had to tell you. He hoped he wasn't being disrespectful, hoped what he had done wasn't weird. But he didn't let himself worry about that too much.

But not only did he have to tell you what he'd done, he realized he had to tell you how he felt. He had been wondering if it would get to the point that he would feel strongly enough about you that he had to tell you, and this incident seemed to be proof enough.

    All his sudden arousal, while valid and likely rooted in a need to get himself off, just meant one thing. He wasn't just frustrated sexually. His senses were running amok because he knew he liked you, and yet he wasn't expressing that fully. And maybe this release was what he needed to realize that. The feelings were only getting stronger and stronger with no real output. They made him happy, nearly giddy with excitement, but with nowhere to store it. He could have a crush and keep it that way, but Steve liked to find solutions. If he wasn't serious about you, maybe he'd keep it that way, with no outputs and no solutions.

     He was keeping something to himself, and it wasn't fair to him, nor was it fair to you. He felt so unhinged now because he wasn't realizing that yes, there would be a point when he had to tell you how he he felt. All of that frustration was built up tension physically and emotionally, just boiling inside of him.

All of the excitement, confusion, and intrigue he felt towards the prospect of maybe liking you romantically, of taking that step to a real relationship, had boiled over. He wasn't realizing that he had to tell you sooner than later. This was more than just a release. It was more like an epiphany.    

    And while the realization may have been sudden, he had done his thinking long and hard, even before he started talking to you like this. He could wait and milk over it for a little while longer, or he could tell you, and soon. But even though he knew he had to tell you, he had to choose the right moment. At least now he knew he had to tell you at all, instead of spending too much time wondering whether he even should, wondering if what he was feeling was real.

     Maybe it would be different if he got off to you and it was purely sexual. But this was more than that. He was genuinely overwhelmed by your beauty, inside and out. The thought of that was what brought him to orgasm. All those lighthearted, innocent thoughts of you made Steve feel so strongly, in both a physical and emotional sense.

     It was why he'd had an emotional response to the picture first, then a physical response. He thought of all the times he'd looked at pictures you sent with a smile, and felt genuine happiness bubbling up inside of him. No one else did that to him.

      If what had just happened said anything, it said that his feelings for you were real, they weren't just born out of naivety or because of the fact that Steve had never felt something like this before. It wasn't just about the sexual gratification or the physical, it was about why he felt so strongly towards you at all. If he could stir up these kinds of emotions, this kind of confusion, just by thinking about you, just by looking at you? He'd be surprised if it was all for naught.

✺ ✺ ✺

    You were surprised when Steve asked to FaceTime you that weekend. You were clueless about the events and feelings that had spiraled for Steve since you sent that picture, and thus curious to see what he was going to talk to you about. It had been a little over two weeks since you'd started talking to Steve ever since he showed you who he was, and you were so comfortable with each other already.

    Steve gave himself some time before he decided it was time to tell you. He knew he had to, but he was giving himself time to think it out, to decide whether or not this was really of the importance that he was holding it to, to decide, and really decide, if it would just be getting in the way of a good thing. But after much contemplation, he knew it wasn't a waste, especially because he didn't feel sick when he thought about it - aside from the butterflies.

    You on the other hand, were clueless. But you were excited. He was so formal and so busy that he scheduled a call. He also kept your schedule in mind. You had just finished finals and you were about to close up with school, a fact which you kept forgetting and surprising yourself with when you remembered. So, mindful of that and mindful of his own schedule, Steve made sure the time would be good for the both of you.

     And when the time came, you were excited. You hadn't heard Steve's voice conversationally in a long time, because texts and Snapchat weren't really built for that. And whatever it was he wanted to talk about, you were excited to hear, and you were glad that he was the one initiating these things all the time.

It made you feel like he really put effort into the friendship you were building, curating slowly like a sacred collection in a language only the two of you knew. You felt so close to him in such a short amount of time, but it made sense because you had known him for a long time - but you were only just now getting to know him.

    You got all cute for the call, because why wouldn't you? You were attracted to Steve and you couldn't lie and say that you didn't feel all girly at the thought of getting even closer to him, being more than friends. Like a little crush was budding, but it was playful and innocent. You felt like he was such a good example of the perfect man, and you were so glad to call yourself your friend. In Steve's eyes, it wouldn't take much effort for you to look pretty anyway, but you got all dolled up because you wanted to.

You were wearing a simple white dress that you made, and you put on just a pinch of makeup. You were sitting on top of your kitchen counter by the window, sunlight and a nice breeze trickling through your apartment when the call came in. It felt surreal to see his name on the screen each time, no matter how used to him you became.

    "Steve!" you exclaimed as soon as you picked up the call.

Finally you could see him face to face through the screen again. It reminded you of your times together on Girls on Film, but the circumstances were much, much different.

    Steve, once again, was struck with your beauty, and he felt his knees go weak just at the sound of your voice. This was no mistake.

     "Hey," he grinned, genuinely from ear to ear.

You both wanted to bask in the moment, talking to each other live, after quite some time. Steve wasn't showing it now, but he was nervous. Again that just told him he was making the right decision in telling you this. He was getting worked up over what to say to you, and you seemed so calm and control. Unbeknownst to him, you were also a little jittery, all for good reasons. It was just so exciting and nerve wracking to truly see him and hear his voice again, to truly talk to him.

       "You look so beautiful," he complimented you, his voice going a bit deeper, his eyes glistening as he took you in. You were basking in the sun, the sun's rays seemed to want to be around you, you drew them towards you.

��    You blushed and smiled,

     "Thank you! You look really nice too."

      You giggled, becoming bashful as he smiled gently, and he continued,

     "How have you been? Finals over yet?"

    "Yeah, I just finished. It's weird, there's really not much else to do. We have one more week of classes to kind of just wrap everything up, but it's pretty much done," saying it out loud made you think of it again, gave you that weird feeling that everything really was about to be over. You would graduate in a few weeks, and start your life.

    It was crazy, four years had gone by so fast, but they had been so lovely. Your college experience was the most formative part of your life. You'd moved on from your life at home, gotten out of an abusive relationship, met your closest friends and gotten even closer to your best friend, started a brand, got your own apartment. started camming. You had really found your life. And you found Steve. It was crazy to think of, that in just a few weeks, that experience would be over with.

     "You okay?" Steve chuckled, because he noticed the deep sigh that you let out as you thought about it all. You were of course glad to move on with your life, but it made you think.

     You laughed too, shaking your head,

    "Yeah, sorry."

    "Don't be. What's on your mind?" he asked, leaning into the camera, making you feel like he was there with you.

    You grinned, glad that you could talk about this in such a way, without feeling the need to break down or be upset. You were simply moving on to the next stage in your life, and you couldn't be more excited.

      "I guess I'm just thinking of how crazy it is that I'm finally going to be finished with college. Like, I'm not going to any more school after this. When you've been in school your whole life, it's..."

      "I get it. It's like coming to something you're not used to, but it's just normalcy."

     "Yeah," you shrugged. "You know that better than anyone else, I bet."

   Steve laughed - it was true. He had to get used to things that everyone else found normal. He felt so out of place. These days he was getting used to it all, but certain things still surprised him or made him think he didn't completely fit in. It was part of the reason he hadn't given in to what he wanted with you, not completely, at least.

Because if he didn't fit in to the world around him, he figured he wasn't ready for a relationship. But maybe that was just what he needed to fit in better, to get along better. It wasn't fair to him to resist something he truly wanted because he felt like he didn't fit in. It was silly.

    "It comes and goes. But hey, I'm glad we're talking."

     "Yeah, me too," you smiled, and you bit down gently on your lip, furrowing your brows together out of curiosity. "Hey, you said you wanted to talk about something?"

     You watched as Steve seemed to brace himself, but you couldn't even begin to imagine the amount of thoughts swarming his mind right now. He was nervous for good reason. He had never expressed romantic feelings for someone before, which was also a reason that he took so long to give in, took so long to realize it was time to express those feelings. He felt innocent and small, almost timid. He had spent so long formulating his thoughts and what he would tell you, exactly how he would announce these feelings for you.

    "Yeah, I uh..." Steve folded his hands and just let himself try to focus and calm himself down. It worked, and he relaxed, enough to actually speak at least. "Listen, I've been thinking about this since we started talking. I think maybe I've always known it, but I'm only just realizing I should tell you about it."

"Yeah?" you prodded him, getting a little nervous yourself, only because the last time Steve got into a speech like this, you found out that he was Captain America. You wondered what else he could possibly have up his sleeve.

"Well, I should tell you that I've always resisted when it comes to you... to this. And I want you to know why. I think I just haven't felt this way for someone in a very long time, and it's never been like this. And I was afraid because we didn't know each other and being the person that I am, I just felt like I wasn't allowed to feel the way I was feeling. Like I shouldn't, like it might be dangerous or like I couldn't trust you fully. It's why I left. It's why I took so long to realize this."

     Your cheeks were heating up the more he spoke, your mind buzzing with ideas. You wondered exactly what he was getting to, but for some reason the butterflies in your stomach grew stronger. You started to stammer, wanting him to get to the point,

    "Steve, I-"

    "I'm getting there, just..." he took in a deep breath. It was time to finally say it. He was trying to explain himself, but started stumbling on his words. "It's um... it's hard for me to say things like this. I-I guess I never really have. I just- I... I... sorry, I'm—"

       Steve pinched his eyes with his fingers, shaking his head. It was endearing how it was hard for him to spit the words out- Captain America, stumbling over his words while he spoke to you.

    "Take your time," you giggled a bit, and the calm of your voice brought Steve back down to earth.

     "Gee, I guess I'm not that great with words. What I'm trying to say is — I like you. And I don't just like you, I mean, I have feelings for you. And I know we're trying to be friends and I'm happy with that, being your friend has been an honor to me. We've created a connection that is completely new to me— I've never known somebody the way I know you. But, I think... I think there's more there. I think that we both know that there could be more there. I don't know what that looks like, or if telling you will really change anything, considering our situation. But I see you as more than a friend. And it's about time I told you."

    Steve looked up, catching your reaction just in time. And to his relief, he felt confident in his confession. He didn't regret it, there was no reason to hide away, to cloak himself in fear. Yeah. It was about time he told you.