#peer pressure doesnt work!

[k-aemi]

blue lock ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ doctors note.

obsessive behavior, a bit erotic but no smut, self-harm, use of force, multiple mental illnesses exposed, some mischaracterization but its for the plot pls forgive me :<, traumatic events(?)

a/n: haii so this might not be accurately correct im no expert in this category but if you guys catch any mistakes ive made pls tell me thru asks or message me ^^ id like to improve anything and fix.

this is part 1! i will be writing more if you guys like it

for context youre a psychiatrist that works by yourself....kind of. its sort of a family business owned thing. but youre the main worker with the degree, your family was just there to assist you with checking in patients and cleaning around the small facility you owned.

though, it did seemed youd have to relocate else where, you were barely getting patients because of the unknown location you were at, and judged from the outside. just because your place was small doesnt mean you sucked! you were top of medical school!

just on a random day you get over 10+ appointments. you werent sure if someone had mis-clicked and meant to only add one. but there were a list of names, and all their information...

you werent even sure what to do, you dont think youve gotten this many patients at the same time before, possibly 3 at best and that was all.

the one who even assigned all of them to you was some person named Ego Jinpachi. youve heard of him, hes one of the workers of blue lock wasnt he? that football facility not too far from your place. youve found out hes bringing in football lunatics whos suddenly lost their minds. he says if you can, keep them confined in here until theyre able to function properly. this isnt the mental asylum!

he told you hes only chose this one because of the lost of money due the change of behavior in his players, investors soon losing the interest in investing in blue lock. he only has so much to spend.

so he asks you, which of course youll get two percent of what blue lock makes as soon as his players are back in top notch shape, which will make blue lock shine again.

you have no choice but to accept, this is your job anyways! its time to show your full potential!

patient #1: isagi yoichi.

checking in on isagi yoichi. who is dealing with severe anxiety. as hes constantly overcoming obstacles to try and exceed his performance, success and ability to meet beyond expectations. this always leads to him overthinking and anxious in high pressure situations.

he must becomes the best, but he fears falling behind his peers. he sets these expectations himself. his anxiety could worsen if hes pushing himself too hard, he wont be able to take care of himself for the future.

poor boy, always comparing himself with the geniuses surrounding him, he self-doubts himself, he thinks if he cant live up to their level, he cant be number one. he wants to be the best, he wants someone to recognize his talent in order to keep his drive to become number one striker. even an ounce of feeling ignored by the dominant players on field, he doubts his worth in football.

he was only the stepping stone to evolve rin and kaiser? he hates it. it feels like hes left alone in the dark. he wants to be the best, even with his best efforts, he cant do it! only there to unlock others potentials...but what about his?

getting to know him better, you fully understand as he warms up to you. you know the feeling of being left out, having that passion but never recognized for what youre worth for. he looks so drained and you feel so bad about it, for a doctor you feel like you get more sentimental than your patients.

he thinks youre always so patient with him, you would never pry into him forcing how he feels, or force positive thoughts into him. you patiently guide him through it and makes sure to take it step by step. sharing methods that could help with the anxiety.

your voice is so soft and youre not too much for him to handle. he thinks your presence is calming and warm, like he can forget all of his problems with you in there. every time you see a little improvement in his anxiety, youre always there to validate him. you just think with the praises, itd help motivate him!

oh and it does. to the point he lives for your validation. he thinks its a change of pace since youre no competitor from blue lock. he thinks of you as a safe space. you listen to him with no judgement, even when he thinks his diagnosed anxiety was for a stupid reason.

you view him not just as an athlete, but someone with emotions and vulnerabilities. he thinks thats the charm of you. he doesnt even notice it himself, but he starts to depend on you to make sure he doesnt feel rejected from society.

whenever youd come into his room to ask your daily questions, hes always asking further "are you happy im doing well..?" just to hear your sweet praises fall into his ears. hes love to hear it from you. thats his only source of living comfortably right now.

"yes 'm so happy 'ichi! im so excited to see you back onto the fields!" you clasped your hands together. the way the nickname rolls off your tongue makes him feel hes important to you, normally when someones important to someone, they love them right? you love him dont you? just as much as he does?

"[name..] you care about me right...? like a lot?" hed randomly ask you when youre checking up on him. it was very out of no where considering you were talking about the very famous franchise kamen rider shows. "hm? yeah care about you s'much!" you flashed your sweet smile at him.

your presence feels so warm...he...he wonders what its like for lovers to kiss is like, which is what he assumes you are to him. he cups your cheeks, staring intensely at your lips. youre a tad confused, you wondered if he just wanted to grab hold of something. not until you see him lean him and your eyes widened. coming back to your senses, you hands came in between your lips and his, stopping the kiss.

isagi can only look so confuse. what are you doing? youre his lover arent you? he can kiss you. why are you refusing him? his affection? are you rejecting him?

"i-ichi...what are you doing..?" you awkwardly back up and you see his gaze darkened. "this is what lovers do right...? we have to kiss. or are you rejecting me like everyone else does. am i just a background character to your story too?!" he lashes out on you.

"no no-what-lover..?" you should of perhaps saw this coming, in some rare cases it happens. your trance of thoughts were interrupted when isagi knocks down the vase on his nightstand.

"fuck-! knew it. fucking knew it. youre just toying with me too huh? youre rejecting me." he growls. the vase shatters you hurriedly try to pick up the pieces, youre scared isagi might try to hurt himself with these shards, if you dont take action fast, hell do it, so youll pick it up with hand first, the broom is kind of far and if you come back to him in a worsened condition, it can only lead to the bad.

you cut yourself on accident and you hissed at the pain. isagi immediately notices, grabbing hold of your finger...looking at it intently.

"u-uh ichi..?" you try to retreat your hand from him, but his gaze leaves you fazed. those eyes of his were so scary. isagi licks the blood that spills from your finger and licks it tenderly. sucking on the digists, tasting your precious blood which he thinks is sacred.

"i love you so much [name]...you feel the same way dont you..?"

patient #2: bachira meguru.

focusing on bachira meguru. a bit energetic...well thats probably an understatement, he really is energetic. studying him for a while it seems he has borderline personality disorder.

bachira who longs for deep connections may connect to fear of abandonment. he always struggled with loneliness and was always called weird by the other kids. as a coping mechanism, it led to him creating his "monster" he talks about to deal with the isolation hes faced.

he has an intense fear of being alone, even if its all in his head, he hates it. hes really dependent and have a strong sense of attachments to certain indivduals, just like isagi. he saw isagi as a crucial part to his well-being, knowing he can play football with him, hes like him, he has a monster too.

he yearns for someone to understand him. creating a sense of acceptance and validation from others. if he cant play football with anyone else, who else can but his monster..?

he doesnt even know who he is, he relies on others to define himself. just like how he relies on isagi a lot. whenever he sees isagi becoming more independent in his plays, he feels left behind because he thinks thered be no one else to play with him. :(

without the monster inside of him, he doesnt know how else to see himself. hes sees himself within that monster, without it, he struggles to find his true self.

whenever you come to visit him, hes always mentioning the monster to you. saying he wants to play, but you must help him get better first so he can succeed without the monster!

of course, you always ask him about the monster, you want to slowly try and make him self aware he can build other connections than his inner monster. you try to understand what triggers or triggered this abandonment, and when he tells you, you start to tear up on the inside!

you tell him to jolt down whenever he feels lonely or abandoned. or when his monster appears, what does it say? what does it do to him? giving him a little journal and a cute little pen with a sunflower on top to match his golden locks that touch the tips.

"you can tell me anything in this journal ok?" you flashed a smile at him. and he finally feels like youre the only one who understands him and this monster. honestly, if you were trying to make him to stop depending on the monster, hell just depend on you instead, thats the only reasonable thing to do right?

he sees you as a special person he doesnt want to lose. youre always so caring and give him the comfort he needs when he crys in the middle of night, saying he just feels so alone, he needs you to be there for him :(

hes never had this sort of comfort before aside from his mom. but having you and going through the process with it, he thinks this is what love feels like. he was always too silly to form a crush on anyone, or to even get a girlfriend, but with you by his side, this was definitely the love he yearned for, you understood him better than anyone. youre the only one for him.

he thinks whenever you visit him, its like going on a date! youre always coming in looking so pretty (you dont even have makeup on and youre in casual clothing www) for him and you look so happy to talk to him just as much as he does, he loves his doctor girlfriend<3

you dont even realize hes falling in love with you. you just think its his playful manner and excitement! youre so naive. what the hell did you mean you didnt know when he told you "you know if you werent my doctor id totally make you mine! kidding.." sticking out his tongue, hes so silly you just laugh.

sometimes hed randomly text you things outside of professional settings if you werent available right now, either out food shopping or helping out family matters. not that you mind, but itd be super random. "i drew two dogs. its us! :D”

even when hed say some "weird" things you suppose, something along the lines of him complaining why you have other patients. he tells you to just tend to him! you can only raise your eyebrow in confusion. "you do know its my job right?" you giggled a bit. "mmm... dont care. youre my doctor. and i hate sharing."

bachira always comes up to hug you first thing when you open the door to his room, he hears your footsteps from the hallway so he just stands to the side and jump at you when you enter in.

"[name]!!!" he nuzzled against your neck, the thud was so loud you think your sister probably heard it like 3 rooms away. his head rested above your chest as he rubbed his face on it, holding you tight around the waist.

"megu...stop doing that! im gonna get a head concussion one day!" you playfully bonk his head and he let out a soft grunt. he only giggles before inhaling your scent. god he loved this smell, it was at least better than the smell of antiseptics and disinfectants, it made his head hurt a bit.

"but missed you s'much.." he pouts. how did you not see the signs? you let out a content sigh, flashing a smile to him before patting his head, ruffling his hair. "sorry sorry, i was really busy. lets get you checked up yeah?" he nods eagerly. getting up to help you by handing his hand out, you grabbed it as he pulled you up. you never really realized how tall he was, judging by looks, he doesnt even look that tall!

but your trance of thoughts is immediately interrupted by a soft pair of lips on your cheek. did bachira just...? you back away, rubbing the part he kissed.

"im so excited for our date! were gonna talk lots and lots of things!" he grips your wrist, dragging you to the stool next to his bed. but you didnt budge an inch.

"hmm whats wrong? why do you look so upset?" he leaned closer to you but you back away. he notices this and doesnt take it so lightly.

"why are you avoiding me now..? do you think im weird? do you see me as a monster?" he starts to overthink it, as he clenches onto your shirt with a pained look. whats with this sudden demeanor?! you were never like this...so why now? was it the kiss? he thought you loved him so he thought you wouldnt mind!

"of course not megu...but you really cant just-" youre interrupted with a kiss on the lips. he didnt want to hear it. he was too dependent on you already, and youre gonna leave him like you guys had nothing? like you didnt have a single ounce of feelings for him either?! hes furious. how could you.

"dont leave me now [name]...please...i need you."

patient #3: chigiri hyoma.

onto the next model-uh patient. chigiri hyoma. seriously did he come from blue lock? he looks like a model with that beautiful hair of his. you accidentally mistook him for a woman! recording his actions and behaviors, you assume he suffers from ptsd, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

you found out that he had a acl tear and it was a traumatic event he just cant seem to forget, it nearly destroyed and shattered his dreams of being the best striker. sure he recovered, but this shaped his behavior and caused him emotional distress.

he was most confident in his speed, and for it to just be taken away from him again makes him scared. it would mean losing who he was as a player. stripping away that confidence and sense of security. poor baby.

hed never told anyone about this event. making it even hard to process having to bottle up is fears. even with his body healed, his mind didnt, still facing the fear and hesitation. :(

that traumatic event always replay back in his mind, and the words of his doctors still echoed inside of his head. hearing those devastating words that of he were to tore his acl again, his career of a soccer player is over.

whenever out on the field he gets the image of the injury happening, which he hesitates to show his full potential. whenever hed see someone to fall or hurt their knee, he cant help but feel that trigger, causing fear. it reminds him of what had happened and he cant escape from it.

just even thinking about running full speed, he hesitates and starts to hyperventilate. he gets so scared, he doesnt want to quit, he wants to keep playing! it gets so bad to the point hed have to be switched out with another person.

all he can do is run away from his fear, he wants to protect himself in order to keep playing. but how can he keep it up if his speed is what defined him? he wants to, but hes too scared of the risk.

he sees his strength in his speed. without it, hes nothing. hes nothing worth more than lead. he hated the feeling. the feeling of being weak, the feeling of being so scared. he hates himself. with his hesitation, he cant help but always feel like hes dragging his teammates down.

because youre his doctor and not one of the blue lock competitors, he thinks it might be alright to just fill you in, but he ended up telling you everything, and how he felt. he even cried, knowing he was weak after he lost his sense of self.

you sob listening to his story. youre determined to make him feel like he will be the best without having to worry! youre the first person hes ever told anyone outside his family. you give him the reassurance youll never tell a single soul about what happened to him.

to start off you think itd be best if you can help change his mindset! you help him challenge the negative thoughts that may occur in his head with confidence! "sure your speed is your gift, but its not the only thing that defines you! you need to remember just because it happened once, it wont happen again!"

hes never even thought of it like that, this whole time all he could think about is how hell destroy his body, and that stops him from showing his full potential.

you guide him through training to increase his comfort with getting used to full speed movements to boost his confidence his knee is strong and the past wont control him anymore! you give him some methods and techniques on to calm his anxiety before matches so that he wouldnt be so hesitant anymore.

you hope hed focus on the present, than cling onto the repeat of the past.

knowing youre the first person to know about his knee, you understand the weight of his trauma and you see past the talent he was gifted, he was more than just a speedy person! thats what he enjoyed about you. he feels like youre his safe space.

he gets these stir of feelings, hes confused on what it is. it happened when you told him..."you dont have to prove anything to me! whether you run or not, youre still the chigiri hyoma i know" followed by a giggle. what...what was this burning sensation in his chest. he cant wrap a finger around it.

he feels like around you, he can show his most vulnerable state. whether hes crying, angry, or scared. he can show it all to you without feeling judged. that always led to him wanting to seek your reassurance all the time. outside of football, he can be himself if youre around.

he loved how you were able to help him overcome his fears, even if it took a while, all throughout his whole years of liviing he was able to feel better about himself. due to his avoidant ways, he feels such a deep connection with you, causing him to think, maybe this is the feeling of love. he may thinks its admiration but he shrugged that feeling. its definitely love.

he starts to take mental notes of the little things you like or do. oh you prefer to use the air fryer than oil fry your food? its noted. you like to pick out the tomatoes from your burgers because you think the texture is gross? hes got it down. you like this certain movie at this specific time? you know it.

he loves your approval. everything you say to him puts in a trance really but he specifically loves whenever you help train his knee, seeing his progress, you tell him, "im so proud of you hyo!" his heart will always skip a beat.

he thinks the only patient you should tend to is him. i mean...you look like you enjoy his presence a lot, it means youre his favorite right? thats what he sees at least. so whenever youd leave his room, hed just mutter under his breath. "arent i better than them..?" with his furrowed eyebrows.

he knows the rules, he cant be a patient that falls in love with his doctor, but can you blame him? youre so caring and nice to him, its such a reliever from all of the egoists from blue lock. you dont think hed at least build some sort of dependency on you?

"alright hyo! im so happy youre recovering, i know its a long process but just some progress is a lot!" clasping your hands together to show your happiness. he knows its genuine, i mean you cant fake a smile like that. its so warm...youre like the sun to him.

"[n-name]...." he suddenly called out to you as he was sat on the edge of his bed, gripping onto the sheets with fear. he wants to tell you how he feels. i mean, you could potentially have feelings for him too right? theres no way a doctor is this nice to their patients unless theres one reasonable explanation. you like him too.

"yes hyo?" you didnt look up from your clipboard, jolting down some notes and writing some important details. you can hear some slight hesitation in chigiris words. but didnt really pay no attention to it.

"please just...listen...i..think...no scratch that..i know i have feelings for you." he would rub the back of his neck, slowly trailing his gaze from the ground to your eyes. he hated being vulnerable but for you, and for this opportunity, he couldnt waste it. he loved you so much.

you can only just stare at him dumbfounded, your pen dropping to the floor. you didnt expect him to openly express his feelings. you didnt even think he would have feelings for you. he most of the time had a stoic face to him, it was kind of hard to read him, but you still got through him.

you struggle to say the words you want to say. youre an extreme people pleaser and youd hate to hurt another patients feelings. "im glad youre aware hyo, but as your doctor, its a built on trust on your healing process. if i crossed that line, id be failing you. i wont dismiss or disregard your feelings like its nothing, youre important to me and i care deeply about you." you frown at him and you can see his eyes lower as his lips quivered.

you figured hed try and undestand, but he just persist, and it maybe fueled his anger. "so...thats it? just because...of some fucking stupid rule? is this your excuse? just fucking tell me you dont love me. at least make an exception! for me!" he lashed out and you kind of get scared. youve never seen him raise his voice at you. he hyperventilates as he continues with his fuel.

"you cant just tell me, just because youre my doctor...youre telling me we didnt have a thing going on? because it sure as hell didnt feel that way. i cant just pretend youre werent the only person who truly understood me! tell me...how to do that." he walked up to you, hovering over your figure.

you didnt dare to look at him, knowing youd be met with his cold gaze. you just bit your lip and clutched your clipboard in anticipation. until he took hold of your shoulders leaning down to your level and meet your eyes.

"fucking tell me [name]!" his eyebrows furrowed as his teeth grit. youre so scared, you feel threatened, but youre not sure what to do, hes much stronger than you. theres nothing you can do in this situation.

when he sees your trembling figure, he loosen his grip on you and sighed. hesitantly wrapping his arms around your neck when he sees you wince a bit. he soften a bits before letting out a content sigh.

"'m so sorry...didnt mean to... i love you, you know that...?"

patient #4: itoshi rin.

the brother of itoshi sae, itoshi rin. you could of swore you treated to itoshi sae once. but thats for another story. judging by his actions, you think hes suffering from depression.

this patient sure was a bit difficult. he rarely talks about his feelings. instead its mostly hatred he expresses it as. hes always talking to himself, "its not enough.." repeatedly you dont even know if hes aware youre still in his presence.

when he wants to get away from the suffering, he fixates on sae. he hates the way sae just did him like that, seriously his only goal was to play football to become the second best aside sae. now he wanted to change? he doesnt matter in saes life anymore? how could he. how fucking dare he.

he cant express his sadness so easily. even if he tried to, it turns into anger, lashing out on others. but he doesnt mean it, it just happens. he doesnt mean to push others way.

hes so harsh on himself, he thinks every loss granted feels like a personal failure, making him hate himself even more. when you had first tried to help him, he could only scoff to himself. "dont ask me stupid questions." you kind of cried from that harsh tone but dealt with it (www).

hes always keeping his distance. hes so focused on winning, he barely express genuine joy and rarely smiles. but its not like he wants to. he wants to prove himself the best of the best, after what had happened with his big brother. hes terrified of being betrayed again. he cant just let people walk into his life, just to be betrayed.

he will never allow himself to feel good enough. every failure and loss of his will only increase his self-loathing. he pushes himself, pass his limit, to the point hes at the passing out point. but he must do what he must, hell never rest. you know his excessive training? he thinks for not being strong enough hell punish himself with it. thats why hes so well built.

hell never waste time, meaning he runs to little to no sleep. how could he when he has people to exceed. he must train harder than ever before, push his limits. when you question why he does that he gives you an annoyed glance. (makes you cry on the inside) "only the weak rest. i dont have time for that."

he cant ever forget that night. how could he? its a wound hes not able to stich up. rin hates sae, but on the look of his eyes, he yearns for saes validation. it only fuels when he praised isagi. shattering rins heart. he cant stand it anymore.

no matter how much he can do, hell never be better than sae, he never feels enough. he thinks the reason why sae is gone is because hes too weak, it hurts, it really fucking does.

though rin was a difficult patient to get a hold of, you never had the thought to give up, everyone has their breaking point, even for someone like rin. youd be so patient with him, even if it felt like everyday was a failure to try to get him to open up.

rin hates how persistent you are. he hates being vulnerable towards others. but you never shut up do you? why cant you just give up. but this feels all too familiar. still persistent yet no where close to the main goal. he can only punch the wall, leaving a hole in the room hes assigned in.

you think the most effective way to help him was to challenge his toxic thought patterns by questions. "if you think losing makes you worthless, why do people respect those who lose but improve?"

rin can only halt for a moment and rethink his harsh self judgement. he tries something to counter it, but nothing comes to mind at first.

rin never directly told you, but you can imply someone important has either left him or betrayed him of some sort. was a friend? girlfriend? parental figure of some sort? youre not sure.

"who is this person you wish to surpass? i noticed you tend to say "i will destroy him." you had hope this could maybe expose his intentions? but rin only scoff.

"that man...i swear ill destroy him hell regret everything he said to me that night.!" he raised his voice. honestly you dont know who else can it be.

"is it perhaps your older brother, itoshi sae?" and his ears perked up. you notice his change of behavior. guessing it was him. "why did sae leave you?"

"theres nothing to talk about."

"then...just hearing his name, why does it make you angry? if he didnt matter, you wouldnt care." and rin cant even run away from his feelings. he knew he had to confront them sooner or later.

rin only knows how to push himself, he doesnt have any healthy coping mechanisms. poor boy. rin would sometimes refuse to talk to you, only resulting to telling to him to write down his feelings to realize whats going on and see that hes actually harming himself.

as he writes his feelings down, he starts to read aloud what he writes to you and your heart lights up, youre so happy hes able to warm up to you even after a whopping of two weeks. once you validate his feelings, he finally learns...maybe allowing being able to express himself doesn't make him feel weak.

though you did need to help his other unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as not getting enough sleep and punishing himself for being so "weak". youd give him advice to try an improve those coping methods. "if youre trying to improve yourself please dont push yourself. you need to recover too. you need to take care of yourself okay? in order to beat sae." at least to match up with his goals to motivate him to change his unhealthy ways.

rin generally thought of you just as a doctor who has to tolerate with his issues. hes emotionally distant and refuse to acknowledge any pain or feelings. but just seeing your ways of helping him puts him in a sense of comfort.

youre always calm and non-judgmental, someting rin isnt used to, due to the environment hes in and because of his brother. with you around he feels like he can slowly open up. not fully but just...slowly.

the more he talks about sae, the more he expresses his struggles. throughout his whole life he was incapable of expressing himself, but with you around, you create that space for him to open himself more.

the more and more he talks, he doesnt even realize it himself. he just lets himself go, is it because youre here? he feels like time goes by fast when hes with you. he finds...comfort within you.

as your job, youre always here to remind him to care for himself, something he heavily struggles with. whenever he seems to be so stressed out, you give him the upmost attention which rin doesnt realize he likes when youre showing your concern for him. at first he feels its weird when he receives your comfort, but he lets down his guard with you within time.

sometimes when he realizes hes becoming too close to you, he wants to push you away. well he does. when youre trying to pry his feelings out, he just makes excuses to end the session early, or just refuse to talk to you.

even with his refusal you dont give up on him, which is what he hates. whenever you keep up at it, he feels sting at his chest. he cant even describe what he feels. was this a bad feeling? good? scared? he cant get a hold of it.

its subtle but he does show he cares for you too. he would notice the eyebags under your eyes and the way you would slur your words a bit in sessions. hed only get a bit ticked off, "stop pushing yourself so hard. its annoying seeing you like this." honestly its so unexpected of him, but you just figured hed want a more professional doctor instead of a tired one.

sometimes when he does catch on with what he does, he tries to distance himself, skipping sessions to see if the feeling will go away. but it only worsens and lingers, he wants--no, needs to see you.

at a session, he does seem to be uncooperative, not like its anything new, but you do see that somethings been on his mind. you wonder what could it be. "everything alright rin? you seem to be on edge today. whats bothering you?" you cross your legs tapping on your clipboard.

rin can only scoff with his jaw clenched. just seeing you made him even more frustrated. "obviously. you." you halt your movements in confusion, oh no did you do something wrong as his doctor?

"me? im sorry can you recall what you dislike?" you leaned back on your chair in anticipation of his response. "i hate it. its confusing. i dont get why i always think of you. why i feel like i cant stand being here, but also the idea of not coming back. i dont know anymore. everytime i leave this room, its like i leave something behind. and i dont want to go." clenching his fist as his gaze falls to the floor.

you think hes just expressing his frustration, only until his words hit you cold. "its more than that. I-" you cut him off. you already knew what was to come. "rin please. i care about you, but i cant be that person for you. i am only here to better your wellbeing."

he didnt like that answer. it only fueled his anger in fact. slamming the table in front of him before angrily scurrying off. "rin!" you called out to him, but hes already left your office. you can only sigh frustratingly before continuing to note down some information.

its late at night. and your up in your office, just up to finish some work for the other 10 patients you need to tend to....its such hard work! only until someone opened your door and it was so unexpected you jumped. but its only rin, and you sighed. "rin? your session was over hours ago."

he can only click his tongue before walking up to your desk. "i needed to talk." he says with his stoic face. "you know its late, i cant make exceptions." now standing in front of your desk, the only light that emitted was from the door, and the white from the computer screen. "you do it for other patients." he shifts his gaze to the side.

"rin, if its about that-i care about you as my patient, but thats all there is to it." "i know." you frown, you hated confronting your patients, it always felt so mean but you had to! "then why are you still here?" rin can only clench his fist. "because i dont believe you."

his eyes flickered with determination and desperation as he grits his teeth. "if you didnt feel the same, you wouldnt care this much. i know it. i know you can feel it too, dont you?" he really did try to make you admit you did have feelings for him. you dont even know what to do anymore! "you treat me different than others."

"i treat my all my patients equally."

"liar. you hesitate when you look at me. you dont do that with others! i know how you look at me." he kept eye contact with you, slowly walking to your figure.

"Rin-"

"youre scared how i make you feel." he interrupted. "you think you know how i feel. but i know exactly what it is." his arm would reach out to caress your cheek, but you grip is wrist. his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance.

"rin, i care about you a lot than you think, but not in the way you want me to!" but he could only swat your hand away before taking hold of your cheeks, as he forces you to stare at his teal eyes.

"liar. i know you feel it. the connection we have. its stronger than any other patient you have." he closes in. you turn to face the other direction, avoiding his ways with you.

"stop refusing me already! look at me." he whispered to you, in a calmer tone to convince you. but his patient wears thin. he was always impatient. "i said look at me!" forcing you to look at his eyes. fear in your eyes, youre scared he might hurt you at this point.

"thats a better look for you." eyeing your lips, he feels some sort of excitement, that flow. your lips quivered, but its okay, rin will comfort you now, its to repay you back for everything youve done for him.

he leans in kissing you. his knee rested in between the negative spot in the chair, as his arms rests on the sides.

"see..? this kiss proves our connection."

patient #5: mikage reo.

from the mikage corp, reo mikage. for such a once bright person hes so gloomy and unmotivated now. hes always talking about your other patient named nagi seishiro. was there some sort of conflict between the two? the way he talks about him leaving, it seems like he has dependent personality disorder.

reos entire motivation for football intiailly revolved around nagi it seems. he always believed they could achieve such greatness together and that nagi was his treasure. he fixates a lot on their relationship and uses that to define his own worth.

but thats when his whole world shattered when he left him for isagi. really, was he not good enough in nagis eyes to partner up with him? he struggles to cope after that whole event. hes not confident in his ability alone, and refers himself nagis partner only, not as a person himself.

you know how he lost to isagi and nagi? and when nagi didnt choose him? he panics so much when nagi chooses to move on without him. he feels lost and betrayed. why didnt he choose him? the way he pleaded nagi just shows the fear of him being left behind. he doesnt want to succeed by himself, he wants--no...needs to do it with someone by his side.

observing reo more, he seems more of a follower than a leader himself. always relying on nagi rather than himself as a striker while lacking the self confidence without his partner. he feels as if hes not enough on his own. showing that part of his dependency needs.

he feels distressed when he thinks nagi will leave him behind and abandon him. he doesnt know how, but he just wants to keep nagi close to him. he was always perfect with everything, but he cant even keep his relationship perfect with nagi.

he needs nagis guidance in order to succeed, whenever out in the field, he looks for nagi for confirmation or approval of some sort. showing that lack of confidence in his own judgement.

he does have goals of his own, but he buts his own needs behind nagis. he finds nagis well being more important than his, he sacrifices his needs to make sure nagi feels secure, even neglecting his own desires. he lets nagi take control of situations because hes scared getting into conflict with nagi :(

taking all of this, you figured why not focus on increasing his self-confidence and help with emotional stability! though you did know this would be a difficult challenge as a lot of people struggle with that.

his biggest issue would be his worth and purpose to other people, which in this case was nagi...you would help work on building a sense of self outside of relationships! you would try to make reo aware of his dependency on others and talk about his own strengths when playing football, or just any personal achievements since he was good at anything.

you encourage him to make decisions alone! you start off small though, since nagi isnt there to decide for him, you think it will help build that individualism. you ask for what kind of meal would he like to eat, not what nagi would want. and then youd start with what would he want to do after he has won the world cup. something along the lines of that!

you do take note on what he told you how he felt during nagis "betrayal", you do believe he has a fear of abandonment. so you would try to suggest and develop coping mechanisms for him! you would try to prove to himself he can handle it, control is emotions, and communicate his needs without fear!

you teach him to set boundaries, so he isnt so dependent on one person or fixate on it. but you feel like you just made it worse.

hes never received such emotional support for his feelings, he thinks the way you treat him like hes so delicate makes him feels such things. youre one of the first people to listen to him, guide him, and see him more than just the mikage kid from a rich family who can do anything. but you see the side where hes most vulnerable.

he feels less alone venting his emotions to you, he develops that attachment. somewhere close where nagi lies.

he loves your reassurance that you give when he tries to work on his independency. but its not like you do that to make him rely on you, you just want him to be more confident in his healing progress! "Reo, you can do this, you dont need anyone to be strong." youd flash that sweet smile of yours and he gives you a soft look. "you really think so..?"

the more time you guys connect, the more he just sees you more that go beyond that patient-doctor bond. he admires the way you talk, the way you comfort him, and your sweet smile. hed always be in a trance when you speak because your voice is so soft, sometimes he doesnt even realize you asked him a questioned and youd have to shake him to come back to reality.

"reo? you okay?" you raised your eyebrow in confusion and concern. but hed only be startled, avoiding your gaze. "y-yes...just thinking." hed cover his mouth with his hand with such a flushed face. just from that moment, hes not just attached, but in love.

but hed always tried to reject that possibility. no no, hes not in love, he just really appreciate you for trying your best to help him...yeah thats it. he justifies his feeling as you just doing your job and you help him a lot. like when hed want to talk to you more often than scheduled sessions...or when youre so kind to him. sure everyones been super friendly with him, but you were just so different from others.

finishing up your session you click your pen and settle down your clipboard. "reo, youre making such great progress! you should be proud of yourself!" you clasped your hand together with that cheery face of yours. reo really didnt care about feeling better anymore. he just wanted to be with you at all times. sometimes he might even slip up to make his feelings for you obvious, but your naive self just take it as him still in the healing process.

he wouldnt want to try and make it obvious, but how could he make it known that he did love you? ah, thats right. money! hes rich, he can basically use that as a way to win your affection, its worked on others, itll work on you too.

at first hed test the waters, buying you such expensive gifts that not even you can afford or would even have thought of buying. designer clothes, watches, or some sort of vacation, telling you that you deserve a break from your hard work. (the trip will just be you and him www).

hell donate to the clinic, he tells your family members to keep it a secret from you because he doesnt want you to know hes funding your workplace, youd probably just try to refuse the money, but he just wants to make your life easier! and by that...he also wants to help with any bills you have under your name or debts you need to pay off like medical school.

he thinks its his way of showing his newfound "love" to you. everybody loves money dont they? its perfect. whenever hed suggest giving you an abundance of money, you just refuse, shaking your head.

"reo, i cant accept this," youd frown while crossing your arms.

hed get nervous from the way you react, why are you rejecting his money? no one ever has. "just let me do something nice for you. its a way of repaying back." hed laughed it off, but hes so scared you might catch on. whenever you reject his gifts, he gets so frustrated. he thinks even his money isnt enough for you. or was he, himself whole wasnt enough?

if you werent going to tend to his advances, he might as well just...say it to you right? hed gaslight himself into thinking maybe you wanted him to directly say it, maybe thats why you refused to take anything from him.

"alright reo, thank you for your time today! im glad to see you almost in shape and youll back to blue lock!" seeing you stand up from your chair, hed take hold of your wrist, not budging.

"[n-name]...i know this is very sudden. but." he stopped in his tracks, standing up looking down at your figure before taking both of your hands in his. hed inhale a breath before making eye contact with you again.

"i see you more as my doctor [name]. you make me feel like i could be the person i truly want to be..." hed caress your hands with his thumb. he thinks he just made it worse for the both of you. the silence is heavy as you stare at him in disbelief.

"im glad i can provide that space for you reo, but you cannot do this, nor can i accept any of the gifts you give me." reo can only frown, his desperation clearly showing.

"why? because im just a patient to your eyes? i can be more than that. you can quit your job and ill provide the money for you. you and your family!" he tightens his hold on you and his look is pleading. but you can only shake your head in refusal. "i must remain professional reo."

after that confession reo would pretend like hes fine, but thats because he was embarrassed and sadden. but its not like hed give up, he just wanted to give off the impression that he didnt care, but he did.

"to think someone could reject me, its refreshing." hed smile it off but you can only sigh, it just seems like hes trying to remind you of that.

he thinks to himself that if expensive gifts wont work on you, hed switch to personalized ones. like a favorite show you mentioned, he would buy merch and give it to you. or if you mentioned a book you wanted to read but never had the time to go buy it, hed buy it for you alright.

hed try to make it hard for you to completely cut him off by just spending an abundance amount on the funds, donations or buying out your workplace...

hes always offering to help, but even when you did refuse hed just play it off as being generous, but really he just doesnt want to give up on you.

he resorts to more desperate measures without even realizing it. "youre the only person who sees who i really am. if you leave too...whats left of me..?" hed caress your hand with his thumbs. lifting the hand to give a sweet gentle kiss to it.

"reo, you have to learn how-" he cuts you off, pulling you in to take hold of your waist.

"why do you fight so much? you care about me, i know you do!" your hands lay on his chest to try and push him off, but he wouldnt budge even a bit! "not in the way you want me to reo. youre my patient." hed stay silent for a bit, biting his lips from your response until blood was drawn. only to let out a bitter laugh.

"so im just another patient for you? just another worthless being you have to fix?!" hed squeeze you tighter, until your bodies connected. "youre not worthless reo. and youre important to me, but it isnt right to do this." youd frown hoping he can finally understand the situation hes in right now.

"then why does it feel like youre the only thing keeping me together..?" hed rest his forehead on your shoulder with his voice cracking. "please. just let me love you. youre my treasure."

this took forever to write and think out i hope it is okay to you guys! since it is not smut i feel like it will flop ( ‾́ ◡ ‾́ )

[sporesgalaxy]

maybe the direction to go with my onepiece centipede man is MORE lies. maybe i can bury him in lies and appeasements. until he explodes

retcon so none of his family knew he had a devil fruit. so he lies to them about what hes doing with the marines (having his devil fruit powers experimented on) after he is "rescued" from the buggy pirates (he lied about that too).

and then he ends up with the cross guild and he lies to hide that he signed up for the marines of his own free will (plus some peer pressure). and then he lets himself get peer pressured by crossguild into doing things he hates for the cross guild because thats Where He Is and he doesnt want to figure out how to survive on his own in the New World.

except also he hides his identity with a mask or a weird hat or something while working that job because he still wants to go home and be normal someday (he does not have a tangible plan for this) so he cant let the government find out hes working for pirates (again).

but he'd be using his centipede powers so he needs the government to think hes dead & that someone else got the fruit. which is not as hard as it would be bc the marines have the last centipede fruit user recorded as a woman and he's presenting as a guy now.

BUT ALSO this means that if he does get home his identity will be fucked & the government might find out hes been doing extremely illegal shit. but at that point hes in too deep into like 5 different lies so he cant just STOP. he cant just BE HIMSELF. he has to KEEP LYING

YAYYYYYY

[threepandas]

Counting Down: 1 [Next ->]

The worst part about knowing the end? Is the beginning and middle. The waiting to change. The hoping it can. Days, spent with the low fear, ever churning, that it will all make no difference. Your actions. Your plans. The hopes you have placed in Fate's fickle hands.

Entering the Creche at an awkward age, too soon to be Legend, too late to be Peer. I was destined to be an adult by the time Anikin arrived. Getting up there, by the time the Order fell. Not yet old enough to be an Elder... yet destined to never live long enough to see such an age.

Obviously, I refused.

Looked around, locked eyes on the closest most manageable Character Of Relevance and took a chance. After all, was it not? The Jedi WAY? To inconvenience the Sith at every turn? So... first Crecheling, then Initiate, then baby Padawan Me, tracked the poor man down. Hunted him for SPORT.

Meditate with me, Knight Dooku! Can you teach me about this or that, Knight Dooku? What is the correct use of seashell tongs in formal dining, when attending a formal feast with the aristocracy, during this specific religious holiday, Knight Dooku? (No, no, on the moon not the planet.)

Congratulations on you Mastery! Master Dooku!

Pushing and shoving my way into his life. Persistent, much to everyone's amusement, and his baffled chagrin. It was like befriending a fussy, regal looking, semi-feral cat. Force knows, for all his training, he's terrible at casual interactions. He was older them me, yes. And Mentor of sorts, certainly. For a time. But? We became... friendly? I like to think? I certainly chased him down enough.

He's a dramatic and awkward man, Yan, and he'd be lost without us; Sifo, Nu, and I. Occasionally Yoda, but that does come and go. Not to metion... well... his Padawans. (Damn it, Yan. They can't read the subtext from your pointed silences! Use your WORDS.) The sort of man who is... sturdy, but brittle. Like an old, unbending tree.

Which makes it all the worse, when the pressure becomes too much. Because it does not merely crack. No. No, such men? They shatter in terrible and unpredictable ways. Unbreakable right up until they are not. Unending right up until the crash.

It is...? Both tragic and hilarious, in a that way, that Yan should live surrounded by so many prophets. Yet he does not, can not, and never will see the end coming. Surrounded by legends, both old and new. Born with every marker for greatness. Yet he...? He will be considered little more then a footnote, in someone else's history. At best.

And the worst part of his Fall? The absolutely worst part? Is the Light I still feel, each time I look at him, the GOOD I know is there. Resolute and noble, dignified and full of grace. A diplomat. Expert swordsman. Makes magnificent tea. The driest wit imaginable. He... he is YAN. Not Count Dooku. Not some Sith Apprentice. Just... just Yan.

My friend.

I meditate on it a lot. The Force gives no clear answers. Still, I do try, sitting in the gardens. Tucked away several stories up, past the considerate veil of several sweeping branches. I never did succeed in figuring out which planet the tree hails from, I suspect it might be either a long dead one or some small moon. It's a truely lovely, sturdy, thing nonetheless.

Far below, younglings shriek and play growl. Running carefree, to work off energy before evening meditation. Each a tiny blaze of starlight dancing at the edge of my vision.

A bit bright, I note, but nothing concerning.

The Halls of Healing will have to increase my prescription again. My glasses are no longer blocking enough... I sigh. Considering that. My sight? Is at least partially genetic. While I may be predominantly human, just because someone looks human passing, doesnt mean they genetically are one. My ancestors were, to put it mildly, a bit... Mandalorian.

Where their was a will, there was apparently, a way; And now I pay the price for it. It's honestly a miracle they never "married", as it were, themselves into a genetic dead end. Some sort of metaphorical space mule scenario, as it were. Yet? Despite all that seeming success? Luck is not eternal. And should you keep gambling? Eventual you will roll poorly.

I was that poor hand. That unfortunate luck. Loved of course. Expected even. My parents both wanted and were delighted by me. But? I screamed. Could not bear to be near people. My inheritance? A truely unfortunate luck of the draw. When combine with Force Sensitivity? My eyes reacted to "Light" poorly. Very, VERY poorly.

They were blinding to me. A mere child with no shields to speak of, no Force training to push BACK with. Like being force to look direct at the sun, again and again. It HURT. Because I could See.

Where others saw merely flesh? I saw deeper. Not infalliblly, not perfectly, I was hardly some omniscient god, but... oh. Oh. The world was so Bright. So LUMINOUS. The Force swirling and burning and flowing. In everything, from humble to grand. People shine, and yes, it is beautiful. But it also? Hurts. Because it IS, ultimately, being forced to stare directly at bright, ever shifting, sometimes flickering LIGHT.

I have a lifelong disability. Can not FUNCTION without my filtering shade glasses.

Or, if you are one of the ignorant assholes, who even NOW still seek to use me? I have what you might call? A"gift~☆".

According to Healer Che, it was some highly recessive trait. (From a planet I honest didn't even know I had heritage on, much less could find on a navigation system.) A subterranean people, due to the truely ungodly surface conditions. VERY sensitive to energy signatures and light. Which...? When you slap on a whole NEW super special Force sensing ability? Filtered through the same brain? Wires unfortunately crossed.

It could have happened it anyone. Unfortunately, it happened to me. Now I'm effectively blind around large collections of sentients. Or Life in general, depending on the intensity. To say NOTHING of Force Nexus! Dear merciful FUCK, that was the sort of accident only you make ONCE and then NEVER again. I was lucky to keep my vision. At all. Full stop.

Sifo was not so lucky. His Visions being neither natural nor kind. The Force seizing him again and again, to plunge him into vivid scenes of carnage. Death and horrors in the home he so loved. I would would be forced to, should I fail, see the Fall of the Order once. But Sifo? Oh... oh, dear Sifo...

Sifo, had seen it fall ten thousand times.

Even Yan did listen to him. Not truely. But there is camaraderie, in the horrors. In whispering, "it's not their fault", through choking tears. Forgiving the victims that will one day kill us. There is... a certain, heavy, sort of friendship... born of pressing your foreheads together, fingers intertwined, knuckles white with terror, as you shudder in the dark.

I think it helped, helps, that he has someone, who believes him. Anyone. Not just humoring him, the mad man sprouting prophecies of doom. But truely believes him. Knows he is right. And that if nothing is done? Everyone will die.

But... BUT! It CAN NOT, be Kamino, Sifo. Not that, never that.

In the dark, I remind him of prophets, seeking to avoid their visions, and instead? Ensuring the worst, comes to pass. Defense, Sifo. Escape. We are JEDI. Do not let fear blind you, to who you ARE. Do not let it take down a path of darkness.

I wrap him in the Light. Tuck my Force presence close, like I'm hiding him again my side, a youngling tucked into the safety of my robe. Shhhh, my friend. It is okay to be afraid. I am too. We can do this together. We are not alone. I believe you.

We are the pillars of his mental health, Yan and I. It concerns the healers greatly. The council. Honestly? It concerns me. But what can I do? No one else CAN help Sifo, until the first take the step of recognizing he is not, in fact, insane. He is a perfectly SANE man, reacting in entirely reasonable ways, to unspeakable Nexus born horrors. Slowly cracking under the isolation and grief. A jedi pushed and pushed, far past the point lesser men would have broken.

And if? He need a woman young enough to be his one of his student's, to rely on? So be it. I am a Knight now, I can handle it. (I have been handling it, since the incident. Since I was a Crecheling. Where the fuck were all of YOU? Ah, that's right. Calling him insane. Making things WORSE.)

I breathe out slow and controlled. My meditation is getting me no where. Rising, I carefully hop down, using the Force to slow my fall, much to the awe of various Crechelings. I can not help but smile. Was I ever that small? So easily impressed? I bow to my tiny fellow jedi. Delighted, they scramble to bow back. Thrilled to show off how grown up and serious they are, how well down they can do it.

Reaching out with my senses, I look for Yan, politely avoiding doing more then the briefest brush as I reach past others. I am not the first, nor will I be the last. There are hundreds of such searches a day. Some clumsy and heavy handed, from Crechelings or Initiates. Some soft as brushing strands of silk. Knights or Masters, looking for friends, looking for students where the should not be.

The Temple feels alive, noisy even, when you know how to feel it.

Ah, there he is! Heading from the High Council's cha-Grief. Horror. A gutting pain that numbs and spreads.

Caught off gaurd, I am sent reeling. Stumbling, without grace, over my own feet into a nearby wall. Glad for it, as I desperately grab at my chest and wheeze, drawing the alarmed attention of nearby Knights and Guards. Because... because, the other direction? Had I stumbled in the other direction, I would have hit the railing. Fully doubt I... I would have been able t-too.... oh Force-!

It takes entirely too long to seperate my emotions from Yan's. To realize what's happening. My panic feeding into the pain. My pain feeding into the panic. Yan. S-Something happened to Yan! I manage to gasp it out. P-please! S.. Someone! Go! Go check on Master Dooku!

The world spins as I try to force air into my body. It refuses to come. Whatever horrible pain Yan is in, leeching down our connection. Into me. Hurting. Made so, SO much worse, by my having been actively looking for him. I close my eyes, teeth gritting, and trying to stop digging my nails into skin. I-It won't help. There's nothing physically there.

But it hurts! God, does it HURT!

It feels like my WORLD has been shredded. My heart, crushed, cruel and slow in my chest. H-he's having a panic attack. Has to be! Or-! Or being attacked! I d-don't... don't KNOW!

A passing Master has hurried over, now kneels next to me. Various Knights pushing whatever calm and safety the can at me. No one is quite certain what will help. But they try. Desperately, stubbornly, resolute to the last... they TRY.

Breathe with me, begs the Master. Pressing my hand to his chest. Just copy my breathing. Help is coming. Release what pain you can, into the Force. We will help you. Let us help you.

I try.

Desperately, I Try.

The Healers end up having to give us sedatives, Yan and I. Sifo ends up... worse. The entire event triggering another, nasty, round of visions. He is incoherent. Trapped. Staring up at the Death Star from the surface of Alderaan, through countless eyes, begging to be heard. His soul, small and desperate, replaying the end, over and over. Even as he tries to protect what souls he can from the inevitable.

He cries for this too. They won't believe him, I know. Even as he thrashs and begs. For the lives of the innocent to be spared, for monsters to hold their fire. I will though. I will. I always do.

But Sifo will be lost for days. Yan, however? As he sits, on the bed, just the other side me? Sits stiff and properly. Blankly. As the healers words wash over him. I doubt a single on has registered. Of the three of us, I am the only one even remotely functioning. Yet... yet I still, don't know what has happened.

Nodding one last time to the healer assigned to me. Promising that yes, I will most certainly rest. I slip my my bed and sweep over to stand next to Yan's. The Healer's concerned and frustrated. He knows Yan's not listening. But has to try. I shoot him a strained, closed lipped, smile. Quietly take charge of my unresponsive friend.

The Healers relief is palpable. Our notes and instructions are not terribly dissimilar. Rest, food, no missions or upsets. Got it.

Gently, I guide Yan from the Healing Halls. Alarmed, that he let's himself be led. He never let's himself be led like this. Insists he is no invalid, to be coddled. Yet... here he is. Mind a thousand parsecs away.

Bringing him to his rooms, I key in his code then gently guide him to his favorite chair. Lightly guide him down into it. Not... not once, during the entire walk back, has he responded to anything. I am beginning to grow afraid.

Fussing, I drag up that terribly pretentious Serranian musician, on his music system. The one I can't stand. I am worried. Sacrifices must be made. Boring and insipid music fills the room. Very fancy! Come on, Yan. This is his new piece! Don't you want to comment on it? Come, tell me why it's so much better then the racket youngling blast these days. I'll call you an old man...

Nothing.

Worry growing, I begin making his favorite tea. Digging out his special occasion snacks. Something, anything, to get a reaction. As things brew, a sound too wounded to truly be a laugh, chokes it's way out of him.

"Xana-...My..." he starts. Stops. Normally sharp mind refusing to obey him, as he tries to summon words. He looks lost.

"My Grand-Padawan is dead." His voice is brittle, alien sounding in his mouth. I nearly drop the plate of snacks I was carrying over, in response. Horrified. "He was supposed be returning a knight. Qui-gon was.. was so proud of him. Adored him. This has destroyed him. Will destroy all of us. I... I have lost everything."

No. No, you have NOT.

Striding forward and all but dumping the plate on the side table next to him, I reach for my friend with both hands. With my Force presence. I refuse. No, damn it! I Will NOT lose him. Not like this, not TOO this!

Listen. LISTEN to me, Yan Dooku. So help me Stars, Gods both big and small, you will not succumb to this!

The greatest lie the Dark has ever told, is that it will make things better. That it can help you with your pain. Would Xanatos want his death to destroy you? Would the child of your child, want his legacy to be the ruin of everyone he loved? It is okay to grieve. You NEED to grieve. But remember you Padawans. Remember their Padawans.

Your Lineage still lives, Yan Dooku.

It is hurting, mourning, but ALIVE. Don't you dare run from it in your grief. You are better then that. I am here. Sifo and Nu are here. Yoda, is here. We will carry this pain together, okay?

Closing his eyes, he let his head rest more heavily against my hands. Dampness darkened his eyelashes, but no true tears formed or fell. He didn't seem to have it in him. Not yet. His hands though... his hands? Shook as they slowly, haltingly, like a droid with seizing joints, reached out for me.

I moved from leaning over him to sitting on the arm rest of his fancy Serranian high backed chair. That he didn't even grumble over me "abusing his furniture" by putting weight on the arm rest like this? Gods.

Leaning into him, I wrapped my arms around his head and shoulders. Like a shield against the universe. Used the Force to pull the tea, finally done, and pour it into a nice cup. Properly of course. See, Yan? I remember your lectures. Here, drink.

He... did not.

Just leaned, sagged against me, as he shuddered with grief. Hands wrapped around a cup of fragrant tea. Music filling the air. Tucked safe inside my Force presence, as best I could.

In... Out... In... Out... There was a slight stutter to it, a hitch, that in a less controlled man? Might have broken into a sob. But... instead, Yan meditated. That first cup going to waste. The second following, as it slowly went cold. Needs must, though, and tea? Can be replaced. Yan can not.

Emptying wasted cups, I poured more. Rested my head atop his own. Matched his breathing as I slipped into a light meditation with him. The room was quite enough. The position not terribly comfortable. But honestly? We'd both meditated under worse conditions, and it had been... A DAY.

To put it mildly.

I didn't like the look of Yan's Force Presence. It was like a fault line had been struck. Spreading terrible spiderwebbing cracks in otherwise sturdy stone. I was no mind healer... really, not a healer at all, I was a Seeker, but? I had learned a few tricks. After all, not every child I had found? Was found in a safe and loving home. Most weren't, honestly.

You learned to soothe, as a Seeker. Learn how to help. Children, after all, don't know Light from Dark. They just know that if they reach for the magic in their head? Bad things go away and good things tend to happen. Sometimes they hurt themselves by accident. Sometimes they hurt themselves... because the alternative was worse.

"You know, my dear? Some days I think you are the only Jedi with any compassion left. The boy never should have been sent there. Not for his trials. The lives of others are not a child's test. And to be asked to face one's own family? It... it was cruel."

Yan sent his cup around me, to rest on the side table, before gently tugging me down into his lap. He hugged me close, like a child squeezing a stuffed animal for comfort, face buried in the crook between my shoulder and neck. Like he was hiding from the world. I rest my head against his shoulder, eyes closed.

We were both... so tired, weren't we. This was nice.

"When did it all become about proving ones purity? One's superiority of morals? We are supposed to help people. Not lord over them. If I wished to do THAT, I would merely need to return to Serrano. Become a Count. You and Sifo are the only one who seem to understand me."

"I think I would go mad, without you."

Yes. I worry that you would, Yan. I worry that you would.

[archangeldyke-all]

I just saw this art and had some CEO Sevika Thoughts 😵‍💫😵‍💫

https://twitter.com/2400db/status/1777950953817207073

O. M. G. i'm combining this with another ask i got because these two reqs go together like peanutbutter and jelly. EEEK! (also, the link doesnt seem to work now, but it was art of two characters-- i'm not sure who-- where one was sitting in a spinny wheel office chair, back to her computer set up, and the other was straddling her, trying to talk on the phone while the first girl is feeling her up)

the last tidbit in your vacay sex w ceo sev hcs inspired me. could we please get something soft with high!sev after both her and r have smoked?

i like to imagine her hair in a bun with a hoodie and sweatpants on. just looking so pretty and soft and staring at reader like :]

i also like to think she likes skin to skin. :3

🌕

men and minors dni

from time to time, you and sevika work from home.

her penthouse has three bedrooms. one for the two of you, one for guests, and one you've turned into a little study for the both of you for times like this.

two desks on opposite walls, a few bookshelves, a couch, it's a good space. it's helped a lot over the years. when sevika's sick, you manage to convince her to just spend the day in her study instead of torturing herself by dragging herself to work. when the two of you are feeling burnt out, a day taking calls and video meetings at home always help.

and today, you're using it for the best reason of all. it's a snow day.

the city below sevika's windows is covered in a blanket of snow. you've been watching the white powder fall all day. sometimes the blizzard rages so hard, that all the windows in sevika's high rise are greyed-out, and it's like you guys are living inside of a cloud.

sevika has no meetings today. you don't either. so, in an effort to stay cozy, you both decided to stay in your pajamas. sevika looks so snugly in her big sweatshirt and plaid pajama pants. her feet are socked in mis-matched animal print socks, one cats, one ducks. her hair's in a messy bun, and she's still got a bit of sand in her eye even though it's almost lunch. you love her like this.

it's been a slow day. with the whole city trapped inside, the usual twenty calls an hour you're used to answering has dwindled down to two.

at lunch, sevika manages to convince you to smoke a joint with her.

"c'mon babe." she whines, kissing up your neck as you stir the tomato soup heating up on the stove. "no one's gonna need us today. and we're already so cozy, 'n we got nowhere to go..." she wiggles the fat joint she'd rolled in your face. you huff and roll your eyes.

"i need to talk to HR." you grunt, snatching the joint out of her hand and shoving the bubbling pot of soup to the side. "my boss is peer pressuring me to do drugs with her." you tease, quickly lighting the tip of the joint against the burner before putting the soup back. sevika snatches it from you before you can take a puff, running out to the balcony. "sevika!" you squeal as she throws sliding door open. "you're gonna freeze your ass off!" you laugh.

"come here!" she demands, waving you over. you giggle, turning the burner off and running after your wife, grabbing two blankets off the couch as you go.

the balcony is spacious and covered, but with the wind this high up, there's only four inches of space that hasn't been covered in snow. you and sevika squeeze together in the shelter, shivering and huddling under the blankets as the blizzard rages around you.

"you're insane!" you laugh, sevika pulls you closer to her chest, puts the joint, somehow still alight, between your lips.

"puff." she says. you forget the cold for a moment-- the demand sending a shock of arousal down your spine. you take a hit, keeping eye contact with her, and she grins, before pulling the joint away and pressing her mouth against yours.

you exhale, and sevika inhales the smoke from your lungs before she shoves her tongue down your throat.

she pulls away with a smirk. you gulp. "there. warmer?" she asks, putting the joint to her lips as she smirks down at you. you huff, then stick one of your freezing cold hands under her sweater, pawing at her nipple. she squeaks, you giggle at how quickly her nipple gets hard in your fingers.

you guys smoke the joint fast, after that, faster than you probably should've smoked a joint that big. but it was so cold, and the only relief was the warmth from the joint, and you couldn't really feel the high out in the cold...

which means that once you guys get inside, giggling and shaking the snow off your blankets and out of your hair as you quickly warm up, you're both hit with a very sudden, very intense high.

you know you're fucked when it starts to feel like you're underwater. you know sevika's fucked when you look up from your feet where you're struggling to get out of your slippers, and find her giggling at a dick she'd drawn in the frost on the glass wall of the living room.

"sev." you whisper, grinning. she looks over at you, her smile growing impossibly wider when she sees you. you can practically see hearts in her eyes, and you snort. "oh shit." you laugh.

"we still got work." she giggles. you bite your lip.

"fuck." you chuckle.

"ooooh babe! food!" she says suddenly, grabbing your hand and dragging you to the kitchen.

logically, you know that it only takes about ten minutes to make two grilled cheeses and heat up some soup. but it feels like it takes a year.

you keep turning the burners off by instinct-- and sevika has to laugh and turn them back on, reminding you that you're cooking lunch.

she keeps trying to 'season' the food-- which is concerning for a number of reasons. one being that sevika's a horrible cook, who doesn't know the difference between a teaspoon and tablespoon; two, being that she's holding the cinnamon sugar while she says it. the third, most concerning thing is that you're tempted to let her. cinnamon grilled cheese? your high, munchie focused mind thinks, that could work...

eventually, the food is finished, without modification. sevika has to smack your hands twice to remind you to wait for it to cool off. you have to smack hers once.

you guys eat, curled up together on the couch in your study. it could be the weed, but you think it may genuinely be the best grilled cheese of your life.

sevika seems to agree. she keeps moaning and grunting as she chews and slurps her soup.

it should gross you out. she's too high to mind her manners and chew with her mouth closed. really though, it's just turning you on.

she looks up at you, her cheeks stuffed with grilled cheeses, tomato soup dripping down her chin onto her lap, and you bite your lip. she chews, swallows, then speaks. "you wan' som'a mine?" she offers.

your heart leaps in your chest and you surge forward, pressing your mouth against sevika's. she groans, her hands flailing, and she clumsily puts her dishes on the little coffee table. the second she's free, you straddle her lap, clawing at her shoulders, pinning her to the couch. she pulls you down to grind against her, sinking her nails into your hips. you shudder.

you aren't wearing anything under your pajama pants, and you know sevika isn't either. it's just two thin pieces of flannel separating you. for a moment, the dry fabric adds a delicious friction to your movements--but you soak through your and sevika's pants in less than a minute.

and, fuck, you feel like you're in heaven. you feel like you're melting into sevika, it feels like her fingers are made of magic, the sweet grunts and whimpers she's letting out sound like music.

she's like putty in your hands too, chasing you when you pull back, whining when you pull away to breathe. you giggle, smiling down at her and tucking her flyaways behind her ears, she sighs, nuzzling against your palm, and you lean down to kiss her forehead.

"love you." you whisper. she smiles.

"i love you too." she says. you watch in fascination as she licks her lips slowly, looking you up and down. "so... y' gonna ride me now or what?" she asks, grinning and waggling her eyebrows at you.

you burst into a fit of giggles, and sevika grins, nuzzling against your neck and sucking hickeys into your throat. "mmm... okay." you agree. you can feel her lips curl into a smile against your neck, her fingers tugging the drawstring on your pajamas undone.

suddenly, your work-phone starts ringing on your desk. you and sevika both turn around to glare at the sound, and you groan when you realize what it is. sevika makes a choked sound. "n-no--" she manages to whine before you pull yourself off her lap and start walking over to your desk.

sevika squawks, and then in a flash, she sprints over and squeezes between you and your desk chair, flopping into it and tripping you on the way. you squeak, but sevika catches you around your waist, pulling you onto the chair, and her lap, in a straddle. you huff, glaring down at her, and she grins.

"answer the phone." she demands, just like earlier on the balcony. you shiver, and she grins, tugging your pants down over your ass as you bend over her and grab the phone off your desk, pressing it to your ear

"hello?" you choke out. sevika chokes on a laugh, smacks your ass, and you flail, squeaking and smacking her shoulder as you do.

the voice on the other line-- somewhat familiar, a recent client's assistant or something-- asks to speak to sevika. sevika, the exact moment the voice says her name, sinks her teeth into your neck while her fingers start to circle your clit.

"ah-huh-wh-sheeee's, uh, she's not available right now." you say, cringing. sevika's free hand tugs your sweater up, and you smack her forehead-- already knowing what she's planning.

the voice on the phone babbles on and on-- you're not sure about what, you're distracted by the cocky smile she shoots you before ducking in and taking your breast into her mouth. you moan, a horrible, very audible "aaah!" right into your phone.

sevika grins like the devil.

"sorry, s-sorry--there's a bug!" you choke out before the person on the phone can ask you any questions.

oh that's okay. the voice says. i'm the same way, especially about roaches. ew. anyways, as i was saying...

sevika shoves three fingers past your lips and down your throat, you gasp, sputter, and choke, and sevika pulls her fingers free just in time for you to mutter a "sorry, continue," down the line, before shoving her fingers back in your mouth.

it's possibly the hottest thing that's ever happened to you. she keeps thrusting her fingers in and out of your mouth, tiny clicking wet noises escaping with every thrust of her fingers as drool starts to drip down her wrist and your chin.

you try to keep your moans to a minimum. you don't succeed very well.

"you like this?" she whispers. you nod, your eyes closed, tears soaking your cheeks as she continues to fuck your throat with her fingers.

she giggles, then pulls her hand away.

you gasp, your eyes flying open for you to glare at your wife. she just darts forward and gives you a quick kiss, and then she sinks one of her drool-covered fingers inside of you.

you bite your tongue to keep from whining. she kisses a path to your tit, gives it a few nips, then bites your unkissed nipple as she sinks a second finger in your cunt.

"uhhhn, fu--she actually just walked in--here she is--" you spit out before pulling the phone away from your mouth, letting out a long whine, and pushing the phone into sevika's ear. she glares at you, pulling her mouth away from your tits with a pop that you're certain whoever's calling can hear.

"hullo?" she grunts, pressing the phone between her shoulder and ear, freeing her hand to fondle pull her pants down as she sinks her third finger inside of you. your thighs quake, her cock springs free, and you moan.

"fuck, sev, please."

she grins, gives your cunt a few more good thrusts with her fingers, before pulling them out and spitting in the palm of her hand, giving her cock a few quick pumps, and then lining it up to your cunt.

it's your turn to get your revenge. sevika always needs a second to adjust before she can sink all the way inside you-- overwhelmed by the squeeze and warmth-- but today you don't allow it.

you sink down on her in one swift movement, grinning at the pathetic, "hhhhaa--" it draws out of her. you're so fucking lucky whoever's on the phone is a chatterbox.

you start bouncing on her cock, your ass smacking her thighs with each go, and sevika's got the most pained, pathetic look on her face as she bites her lip to keep her moans in.

you chuckle. "you're lucky you're cute." you whisper, before pulling your shirt off and shifting so sevika can muffle her moans in your tits, one of your hands tangled in her bun, at the base of her neck.

you tug the phone out of her hand, taking a deep breath and collecting yourself in a true show of your strength and professionalism-- and steadily, (not at all breathy, no matter no much sevika will pretend otherwise) say: "i'm so sorry to have to cut our conversation short, but it seems the blizzard's just knocked the power at our facilities out, and we have to go handle that before our heat goes next. we'll be sure to call you back as soon as possible."

oh, well i'm so sorry to hear that! i hope all your employees are safe! i must say, i thought people were being dramatic about the snow, but it must be awful bad where you are if-- you hang up.

"fuck!" you shout, throwing the phone back down on your desk. sevika growls against your tits, and it a second, shes standing, keeping you on her cock with a solid grip on your ass.

she drops you on the couch, not losing her rhythm for a moment as she balances on top of you. eventually, she has to breathe, and she pulls away from your tits with a gasp. "i fucking love you." she whimpers. you giggle.

"i love y-you too, sev." you whisper.

"louder, baby, nobody's listenin' anymore." she demands. you whimper, clenching around her cock, and she chuckles, one of her hands darting down to rub at your clit.

"s-sevika! baby, i love you, i love you!" you gasp. she grins.

"there you go."

"i love you, please, i'm so close you're gonna-- i'm gonna-- sev, i just-- you--"

"whaddya need baby? anything, anything."

"kiss?" you whimper.

sevika cums at the word, her eyes rolling back in her skull and her arms shaking as she tries to keep her pace. it's so hot, and you're so close, and she keeps fucking you even as her cum starts to leak out of you--

and then she tears her eyes open, gasps, and smashes her mouth against yours.

you fall apart, cumming and clencing sevika's sensitive cock hard. so hard, in fact, "oh, b-baby, i!" sevika collapses against you, her cock pulsing inside of you a few more times, and you gasp.

the moment you catch your breath, you burst into giggles.

"did you just cum again?" you ask. "twice in one minute, sev?!"

"fffuck offff." she mumbles against your tits.

"that.. was so hot." you say. she giggles now too.

"g'night."

"sevika." you tug her bun. "it's the middle of the day."

"i'm done. g'night."

"c'mon." you pout, gently tapping her cheek, trying to get her to open her eyes. "we'll have a warm shower and i'll make hot chocolate? with whiskey? we'll turn the phones off, okay? cuddle in bed a bit?" you bribe. she peeks one eye open.

"can i eat you out in bed?" she asks. you snort.

"i was thinking bed would be more like a nap, babe."

"mmm. can i eat you out in the shower?"

"you can eat me out after our nap."

"can i wake you up with it?" she asks, a sparkle in her eye. you roll your eyes.

"only if you actually let me sleep. and you try to sleep too, okay?" you ask. she nods. "one hour, at least." you demand. she pouts, but nods again, and you burst into laughter. "kiss." you voice your final demand. sevika grins, and leans in happily.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @vikasub

[cacw]

how would you describe/characterize splashfrost before the whole leadership nightmare?

i got a little carried away but somehow i doubt anyone will mind

in my beautiful miracle world frostkit is born an only child and splashkit immediately takes a liking to her. hes like wow its so weird that you dont have any siblings oh and your dad is dead lol wow and shes staring at him with her big amber eyes and shes like like um ok and she trails behind him like a lost duckling for the remainder of their childhoods. he ends up closer with her than even his own sister fognose the forgotten. theyre very attached from a young age and hardly ever bother with anyone else... id imagine that splashtail was always a little more outgoing than her endlessly charismatic as he is but he never truly connects with anyone outside frostpaw and his family to a certain extent. kin and blood are paramount in riverclan and i think he understands that sentiment well enough though its pretty much all the same to him. his relationship with curlfeather is something else to touch on entirely but its important to note that he is relatively close with her as well (she handled the latter half of his appenticeship) which is why the riverclan power grab goes down the way it does

splashtails family is the epitome of the nuclear archetype with sneezecloud being older than havenpelt by a fair margin and havenpelt feeling a bit pressured in her later youth to seek out the riverclan dream with him that so many fantasize about... they courted for a short while before tying the knot and eventually trying for kits and i would think theyre both fairly conservative as is a large chunk of riverclan. for all their faults they hardly ever argue and truly do love each other and are moderately supportive of their children (said generously) which is both good and bad for splashtail. he is his mothers favorite and she only feels a little guilty about showing it. he doesnt really care

splashtail is a little more violent than the average kit in his youth, a little cold and aggressive, but he never really means anything by it. its not so much about not knowing his own strength and more so just how his brain works. hell draw a little blood on accidental occasion and then call frostkit lame for complaining about it do you see what i mean. he can be mean but hes always been kinder to frostpaw than the majority of their peers and isnt usually out to hurt her. he takes to clan lifestyle exceptionally well so no one ever really cares what their charming little up-and-coming boy wonder is thinking or feeling or getting up to in his spare time as long as he does right by them in the end; no one expected his turn to apostasy! and he clearly takes his role incredibly seriously as its what he lives for. hes very polite he says all the right things and he knows how to act to get people on his side. i do have a general idea about how his thoughts and actions could be translated into the real world, and i mean it very genuinely when i say his behavior could be read as sociopathic as he matures into adulthood. this does not make him "evil" and isnt necessarily what makes him a bad person; it would be way too easy to go down that route and i want to make it clear that thats not what im saying or doing. hes not always unkind but he lacks a lot of empathy. splashtail is absolutely a product of his environment but he has his own unique issues that make him who he is. lets not forget the time the writers called him crazy 11.5 times. heres a post i like

on that note i find it relevant to bring up splashtails early days of apprenticeship and his first mentor softpelts death in battle; i like to imagine he was there to watch her go down and is consequently introduced to real bloodshed and death far before frostpaw ever has the chance to see such a thing (i think this would serve as a good parallel to frostpaw witnessing curlfeathers death up close as well). frostpaw is apprenticed less than a couple of moons after him, but its long enough to establish a notable gap in experience, especially since she began training right around when the imposter fiasco was coming to a close. a very key difference between them is that splashpaw got to see the imposter up close while frostkit was still curled up next to her mother in the nursery. i think seeing ashfur on the great oak inspired something buried deep inside him that he was never fully capable of understanding before his own untimely death. its not that he agreed with ashfurs methods or ideals, but he was fascinated by the way cats followed after him, as it was a stark contrast to riverclans fixed loyalty to mistystar

and while im talking about this i want to say upfront that im not particularly fond of the idea that he enjoys killing. i cant imagine splashtail really getting anything from it at all or at least not in the way people seem to think he does, which i tend to say about everything. taking someones life shouldnt make him feel anything too terrible in particular you know what i mean he just believes its something he has to do to get to where he wants to be. this is how they live this is what hes seen and been taught all his life; he has taken those teachings to heart! its just another hurdle to cross. all these people were in the way. he thinks everyone is in his way. i dont think hes haunted by the blood on his hands and he definitely isnt afraid of dying (or at least not in the beginning). this is what he believes he was made for. the only times hes ever concerned over what hes done are the moments he realizes he didnt properly rid of the bodies which is as funny as it is horrible. all that being said i do think he killed small bugs as a child

frostpaw on the other hand is the quiet intelligent and somewhat neurotic child of a single mother (who i envision to be just a bit younger than she is canonically, at least more so than splashtails parents). jayclaw still dies before she can get attached, and so the ever-idealized authoritative male role model is completely absent from her life; she does not know reedwhisker, and podlight becomes distant shortly before shes apprenticed. this doesnt ever seem to bother her regardless of how disappointed riverclan is by the fact, because her mother is (for the most part) all she could ever need. splashtail has always been the only other rock in her life and she really wont ever manage to find another who meets all of her needs... im lying im sorry rapidsplash is right there. frostpaw just finds that weird and uncomfortable so she tries not to think about it too hard

this would be the perfect time to mention this but im saving it for something else

and let us not forget that he has three sisters

they start training together soon enough and it is absolutely crucial that frostpaw works as a warrior apprentice first. and she does it because she wants to! and splashpaw wants it too; splashpaw wants frostpaw to be powerful and successful because he sees something in her that no one else does. he knows deep in his bones she has the potential to be the greatest thing riverclan has ever seen. splashtail has seen more than enough blood at this point; splashpaw envisions a better and stronger riverclan, a clan that isnt walked on, isnt looked over, and hell do anything to see it get to that point. he kills her mother/his mentor for it. splashtail kills curlfeather because he truly believes he would do a better job, but if frostpaw had asked for the title instead then he gladly would have given it to her. splashtail believes he was born to serve his clan. splashtail always knew she was special. shes just like him. she could be better than all of them. shes the only one he would ever approve of. he was determined early on to make sure she got what he knew she deserved. it didnt have to be him taking the top spot on the podium but he got a little too wound up and felt like he had no other choice!

contrary to popular belief splashtail did genuinely care about frostpaw for a long time, and im inclined to believe he still did after everything that happened. splashtail knew about her role in curlfeathers plans, knew how badly she wanted to keep frostpaw safe, and he was obviously trying hard to make it work. he tries to keep frostpaw in the game for as long as possible, whether its for his benefit or hers, but eventually she goes too far and says too much and he figures his safest bet is to get rid of her. he and curlfeather simply had very different visions regarding frostpaws future. ultimately his own paranoia was always bound to be his undoing but i think he should have been proud of her in his own way toward the end, which is what shes wanted all along

have you seen taps 1981 yet because tom cruises character is pretty much exactly what i envision splashtail to be. major moreland hes our man. i saw my duty and i did it. its beautiful man

splashtail loves riverclan and he would die a thousand times to keep it safe but he loved frostpaw first and he had no intention of dying anytime soon. bonds have always been prominent in the clans whether familial platonic or romantic but i doubt he ever could have put a real name to the way he feels about her. frostpaw obviously cares a lot more about labels than he does but at the end of the day their relationship is something neither of them could even begin to imagine living without. nevertheless splashtail loves riverclan to death and he ends up putting it above everything else in the way he sees fit, though i wouldnt exactly call his later attempt on frostpaws life an act of choosing their clan over her. it was a pure moment of weakness for him; his increasing annoyance and paranoia left him feeling helpless. he is more disappointed than he is angry at her (and its never so much a genuine anger as it is pure unadulterated frustration) and he was never the same afterward! everything means something! it has to! frostpaw youre REALLY not acting like my idealized version of you!

frostpaw has always been capable of the same things as splashtail. she is filled with indignation fueled early on by her clanmates cold and patronizing tones and she is sick of being treated like a child and she is angry and frustrated with the state of the world and she lashes out and she knows how to hurt people and she has blood on her hands too. they are two sides of the same coin and she knows it and this will continue to keep frostpaw up at night for the rest of her life

[lovesickbtd]

Fox Play

this is my first time writing for our Ren and Strade, so it might be a little iffy. please bare with me as this is a distant memory from a general pov - 🐇 warnings: mild underage drinking, kidnapping, one instance of racism towards ren word count: 1383

School had just ended when Ren hurried out of the building. The weekend had no plans for Ren, the timid fox, anxiously checking his phone for any texts from what he considers friends. They were supposed to sneak into a bar tonight and see if they could get served, and even if Ren doesn’t want to get in trouble with the law, he reluctantly agreed after some peer pressure. The walk back home wasn’t long; he lived a couple of blocks away, and he’s a speed walker through and through. So much for his anxiety and paranoia.

It also doesn’t help that Ren lives in a lesser-known area of town- people try to avoid it due to word of mouth, but he doesn’t think it’s that bad…rent is cheap and the people stick to themselves unless they’re affiliated with a gang or group. Ren was not. As he approaches the last turn before his apartment building, his phone buzzes in his pocket.

> hey are u comin’ with us 2nite??? we r gonna get into the bar downtownnnnn

Ren keeps walking as he types, occasionally glancing up to make sure he doesn’t run into someone or get picked up by some creep.

> I thought the Jackalope was closed tonight? Is there another one I don’t know about?

It takes a second for his friend to respond, so he keeps his phone in his hand just so he doesn’t have to search for it in his pocket over and over again. Ren sighs as he climbs the staircase to his apartment building, buzzing in and waiting patiently for the lock to click open. Once it does, his phone buzzes again. Once. Then twice. Then a third. The young fox hurries up the inside staircase, apologizing when he bumps into a tall, lanky blonde guy. It’s his neighbor, Lawrence! No time to talk, though, he has to respond before they start calling him.

Quickly unlocking the front door, he drops his bag next to the coat rack and locks the door. “I’m home, mama!!” Silence. Right. He lives alone. His ears fold against his head as he sluggishly responds to his friends’ text. 

> Heyyyyy r u flaking???? > Rennnnnn…..you cant b leavin me hanginggggg xdddd

> if ur gonna be a dick nd ignore me ill go by myself :p i knew your kind was always flaky

Ren sighs as his fingers tap away on the screen, working up a response and apology that leaves him exhausted. He doesn’t even know why he befriended such a pushy person. > Im sorry, i just got home. I’m not flaking on you at all! I’m still going! Just…what bar are you trying to get into?

> da braying mule duh its the only bar that doesnt check 4 ids

> okay. What time?> errrr we could do liek 8 or 9….up 2 u im taking my moms car

That seems late to Ren, but he wants to make a good impression. Maybe if he makes a good impression, people will be more inclined to talk to him in class! Ren asks what he should wear, if he should put on makeup, or anything that would make him more noticeable. He needs something to make him stand out. Maybe he won’t hide his ears this time. He spends the rest of the afternoon and a little after that getting ready. A pair of cargo pants that are baggy in all the right areas, the color a washed-out army green with buckles on each pocket, a black anime shirt that might’ve been sloppily cut to show a little of his stomach, and some basic accessories to make him stand out even more. He feels good! This will get him noticed! He pulls on his scuffed sneakers and grabs his bag, leaving the unit feeling much older than he is.

His friend is already waiting in front of the apartment building, music so loud that you can barely make out the words over the bass. Ren climbs in the backseat, greeting everyone in the car before they speed off downtown. He’s nervous, but it’s also exciting to him. The other people in the car, he can only assume are his friend’s friends, offer him a water bottle half full of a clear liquid. Ren just assumes it’s water, taking a sip of it before coughing. It’s fucking vodka of all things and it’s warm. Fucking disgusting.

They arrive at the Braying Mule not long after they left Ren’s place, all of them climbing out of the car with laughter and jokes. Ren can’t help but feel out of place. He doesn’t belong here, especially when he’s the youngest out of the group he’s with.

Luckily, they’re able to get in without a hitch. The bartender doesn’t even question all of them as they order rum and Coke, vodka cranberries, and green tea shots. Ren doesn’t drink whatsoever as he just can’t stand the taste of any of it. He moves away from his group, eventually settling into a spot in the corner of the bar. He thinks to himself that this was a terrible idea, that no one even notices he’s there, and that he should’ve just stayed home…Until someone sat with him. A quite large man, his build being short and stocky, and his weight made him even more pronounced. His messy brown hair was short yet tidy, save for how greasy it was, and his eyes…they’re a little frightening because of how big they are. The bright amber colored iris seemed intimidating to the young fox.

“Hello, buddy! You’re looking a little…lonely,” the man says, his calloused hand patting Ren’s shoulder as he chuckles to himself. His voice is loud, like he has no care in the world if people judge him. And that accent…oh! He’s German! He continues, hand moving away from Ren and back to the table. “Ahh…you’re a fresh face, ja? New drinker, Fuchs?” The larger man laughs to himself, but Ren doesn’t. He can’t tell if the stranger is simply making conversation or making fun of him. It might be both, considering how jolly this guy is.

Ren stutters, his eyes avoiding any contact with the other. “I uh…I’m not even supposed to be here…” his voice is much quieter than the man before him is. “I’m- uh- I’m Ren by the way!” A hasty introduction. It makes the stranger smile, making his cleft lip even more noticeable than it was before. It makes Ren smile as well.

Maybe they’re not so different after all.

The stranger introduces himself as he slides a glass towards the fox. “Short and sweet, eh? I’m no stranger to that myself, freund! The name is Strade, quite a pair we are, richtig, Fuchs?” Strade laughs, even though nothing he says is funny, but Ren also laughs along with him. They talk about all sorts of stuff, where Ren goes to school, what he plans on doing later tonight, even going as far as to offer to give Ren a ride home if he needed it! How thoughtful! Ren starts to notice that the bar begins to settle down to just the two of them in, so they both agree it’s about to go home. Grabbing his bag and jacket, Ren says his goodbyes to his new friend and starts his journey out of the bar and back home.

Until he can’t remember how to walk properly. He wasn’t even drinking, except for that beer Strade gave him…

Was he just roofied? This has to be what being roofied feels like. His body feels heavy, his vision failing him more than it already had, and to make it worse, his legs feel like jelly. Every step he takes it gets harder and harder to not gag and-

The sound of vomit hitting the pavement makes Ren feel more dizzy than he was moments prior, and he could’ve sworn that he heard the faint call of his name. He slowly turns to where he thinks his name was called, only to be met with two large, rough hands smothering his mouth and nose.

It’s him.

It’s that guy from the bar.

Strade.

His hands smell of oil and dirt, his accented voice low and threatening.

“You’re coming home with me, mein lieber Fuchs.”

[scummy-writes]

The post pointing out how fandom turned into pressuring people to write as good as published novels is so true. I dont think this fandom is notoriously bad about it (that is not me saying this doesnt happen in this fandom. Read that again.), but it does still persist in this space and others.

Because why else do we get anons nitpicking about specific writing choices. Why else are there posts quietly shaming some writers for obviously being new at it or similar. Why else do we get people talking about how 'lazy' some writers are in fandoms for just sharing something that isnt 2k+ words, regardless of how well written it is or otherwise.

It bugs me so much because this happens between writers themselves, as well. We'll get those kinds of messages, internalize it, and accidentally spread it. Or some writers will be so headass over writing fanfic that we'll look down on others for not writing suckin n fucking as well as ye ol publish author who has written 2937393 books. Like are you kidding me?

Then we get people coming over from tiktok and other sites, who have not actually participated in fandom, only participated in being a fan of a series, and theyre engaging with others creative works for the first time, and being so entitled over it. Scoffing it doesnt match up to writing of those being PAID to write and get like 5 peer reviewers or more before publishing.

Rubs my temples. Its just something i think we need to keep in mind and point out to each other when we catch people doing this.

[rahuratna]

HI!! I love your reasons on why Nanami speaks to you on a personal level sm!! It’s so interesting because you pointed out a different perspective I’ve never thought about before. The reason why I started liking Nanami was because of his journey of finding a sense of purpose. If I were to drop myself into the JJK verse and had the option to convince Nanami to stay as a sorcerer instead of a salaryman, I wouldn’t. Because then he wouldn’t have known if being a salaryman and, like you mentioned in some of your fics, having a simple and more ordinary lifestyle made him more fulfilled.

Then your insights on identity comes to play: no matter what you choose to do with life, it doesn’t completely define you because we also have to consider the emotions and experiences that make us human. What we never got to see was what Nanami did in his free time and, excluding the value/service he provided for others and the short clips from “Where our blue is”, what memories and experiences that made him happy and loved. That’s also why reading your works is so good and comforting 😭 😭

You also talked about lack of self-preservation which I think makes a lot of sense given the pressures Jujutsu society. For Nanami, I think he feels like there’s barely a choice in what he can do. Both being a salaryman and a jujutsu sorcerer means being “exploited” by the higher ups. As a salaryman, he was “making the rich richer,” and as a sorcerer, he and his peers were being sent out to risk their lives to kill curses instead of the powerful elders doing it themselves (particularly with his best friend’s death). The higher ups in society do not care or value his life because there will always be more sorcerers and salarymen to replace him in terms of the job. THATS WHY I LOVED WHEN YOU POINTED OUT THAT YOUR JOB DOESNT DEFINE YOUR IDENTITY AIDHNSJDNBDKS. I think that’s what might have influenced Nanami to have a lack of self-preservation like you said. Yes because being a sorcerer requires it, but also because the only semblance of meaning that society could provide him was providing value to the innocent and weak which ultimately costed his life.

IT MAKES ME SO SAD BECAUSE HE DESERVES THE MOST AND HES SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT *sob sob*… tysm for all the character analysis you do, it makes me so happy talking about it :) Please add on if you have any more thoughts 🫶 🫶

Firstly, this is what I love about writing fanfic. These conversations with fellow fans who appreciate the same things about the series and characters is just golden to me 💛💛. I'm so, so flattered and glad that my interpretation of Nanami provides these different perspectives and I love hearing your ideas on it too!

So, I really liked Nanami's character to begin with, but there was one particular scene, where he wipes away the tear of the transfigured human, that really made me sit up and take note.

When the show got into his background, I immediately picked up on how much he values others over himself. It ties in with what you said about how there could possibly have been a happier reality for him if he'd simply chosen the path of a 'normal' life. Maybe he could have eventually retired and lived that peaceful existence.

And this is where he truly becomes a tragic figure for me. I feel like the world he lived in would never have allowed that peace. His compassion, desire to protect and serve others and his strong beliefs always shine through. Jujutsu society favours the ruthless, the predators, the ones who can detach and operate without thinking too hard about the cost, like Mei Mei, for example.

Nanami is not an apex predator. He's very strong, but a foot soldier, and one who fully acknowledges his own weaknesses. While his compassion and heart make him a sterling human being, they don't grant him safety, or survival.

To reiterate what I said in my previous post, he does define himself by how well he can serve others. Which is his job.

You also pointed out something really important, which was that Nanami's search for purpose makes him so interesting. I think that the trauma he suffered from the death of his friend, along with possibly the survivor's guilt, is what actually led to him under-valuing himself like this, and also prioritizing the younger sorcerers. He thought so hard about his own purpose, but was also so blind to his own value as a human being, with qualities that made him so much more than JUST a salaryman, or JUST a sorcerer.

Yaga said something to Yuuji which always stuck with me; that in their world, being a sorcerer requires a certain level of insanity, an ability to detach yourself so that you can face the horror of the curses with reckless bravery.

Nanami had his own brand of insanity, one that allowed him to actually remain attached to the value of peoples' lives, to express kindness and compassion, and STILL go out there and face the dangers of his job with a straight back and steady heart. It wore him down terribly, but his powerful belief in his own principles allowed him to do his job, day after day.

That unique madness was what tore away any sense of self-preservation and self-value he had, but also served as one of the strongest inspirations to those who he left behind. Their value of him, their grief and their loss, speaks volumes about the man he was.

I love writing those same aspects you mentioned, the little things that give him happiness and pleasure, the healing and understanding of his own importance, the simplicity of his needs being met.

Cheers to plenty more fanfic! And always feel free to drop me your thoughts, even if you had a random 1 am musing! I love hearing them!

[wolfertinger]

(anon pls)

oh my god everything happening this morning is a trash fire but salem posting bad takes about medication while sawyer gets deadnamed is gonna send me over the edge dude

for clarity. salem himself totally has the autonomy and rights to decide if a medication isnt good for HIM. i am all for personal autonomy of treatment. but does he realize how DANGEROUS it is to publicly act like all antipsychotic medication is useless trash just meant to silence psychotic ppl to sound more palatable to society???

my partner is on a cocktail of medications to keep them stable day to day since theyve got some pretty nasty symptoms of various mental illnesses. one of which being an antipsychotic. if they ever miss their doses, they immediately start becoming severely paranoid, irritable, and at times suicidal due to just how intense this paranoia can be. and i dont bring this up to complain about it inconveniencing ME- imagine how THEY feel in those moments! imagine how awful it feels to have a temporary relief from that horrible sense of persecution, only to lose it when you can't get refills or otherwise lose access!

they have in the past dropped their medication due to peer pressure from friends. people talking about how ridiculous it is to rely on medication to not be a paranoid freak. so for a while they stopped, let their scripts run out. and you'll never guess what! They were suicidal and nearly killed themself!

to let your own lack of desire to be on a certain medication be weaponized as a tool to imply no one else should take it is SO DANGEROUS. if someone who relies on their antipsychotics drops them because of salem's irresponsible posting i am going to be SO MAD. i rarely ever submit to this blog bc i dont really care about any art complaints or anything, i just hate hate HATE his misuse of his platform to harm others and disguise it as Progressive. its so gross. his entire world revolves around him and he doesnt even realize experiences other than his own exist

i am genuinely sorry that people have attempted to force salem to continue taking antipsychotics even if they're not right for him. nobody, and i mean NOBODY, deserves to be forced on a medication they don't want to take. but it's so telling that rather than consider "hmm this med isn't working, maybe it isn't right for me," he goes Right to saying it doesn't work for ANYBODY. because as we all know, salem is the only person who matters in the entire world. duh.

.

[esosage]

Had another au idea where stone and robotnik, in their crab house, are being haunted. They hear whispers in their ears, chills creep down their backs at random, things go missing out of nowhere, stuff gets knocked off the shelves with nothing to mess with it, and the mirrors are always fogged regardless of wether or not someone takes a bath.

(Trigger warning for blood and maggots btw. None of it is drawn, but it is talked about! Even if its sandwitched in between breif "meh" level horror.)

Stone, naturally, is the first to belive they're haunted, and tries talking to ivo about it. But, robotnik is a firm anti-supernatural person.

He makes a billion reasons as to why its probobly not a ghost: Wind drafts, lack of sleep, the pressure from the crab house being under water..... But, One night, when ivo goes out to get a glass of water, he carefully rounds the corner only to see an shakey figure at the end of the hall.

At first, he thinks its stone: the hallway being far too dark for him to make out much. But as he starts to draw closer, the sound of his steps being the only thing to peirce the base's sudden silence, he begins to make out a few details. First it was their posture: hunched and drawn in. Second it was their hair: long and matted; smothering their face. And then, lastly, as he hesitently stepped a hair length away from them, their rancid order bashing against his senses, he spotted peircing crimson peaking out of their blond hair. Most was soaked in and dried up; deffinetly old. But yet, the maggot infested cavern that was the bullet wound in the side of their head still oozed thick, pulpy blood regardless.

He didnt have much time to hear them speak, because, once he saw their half rotted, blood shot eye peer up at him through their matt of overturned hair, he was already clambering to get back to his room.

He cant hear them trail behind him, nor does he hear them bang at the door once he closes it shut, but he doesnt need need to. He can feel their cold, horrid breath tickling the back of his neck as he dashes to saftey, and thats more than enough to make him keep running.

Safe to say, the next morning, he starts humoring stones idea about the house being haunted.

And much to robotniks poor ego, he has to eventually admit that, yes, ghosts are infact real.

It gets even worse for robotniks poor brain when they actually have to look at, ugh, supernatural forums, to figure out how to deal with the ghost in their house.

The first plan is salt, sprinkling it on every entrance and exit of the crab house. Although, robotnik quickly insists that they scrap it once he walks out of his room to see: "let me in >:(" written on the wall in blood.

He doesn't know where, or how the ghost got all that blood, but he doesn't really want to.

After the salt fails and they get rid of it, (much to the ghosts delight it seems as they draw a heart in the fog of the two's bathroom mirror,) they start throwing shit to the wall to see what sticks. or in other words: trying bassically everything.

Smudge sticks, insence, holy water, cleaning the entire house, even prayer in a very desprate attempt. (Ivo had stone be the one to pray, because he refuses to acknowledge gods exist. He caved in on the ghost thing, but he refuses to cave on this!)

But, much to their chagrin, nothing worked!

Meanwhile, the ghost seemed to appear a lot more often. Wether it be in pictures or in person, it didnt matter because the two started to see them more and more. Which gave them a couple of more discoveries about the ghost. The first one being that they're a little girl wearing a worn out, blue dress. And the second one being that they're not too hostile. They rarely bother them much, other than stinking up the place. But they are creepy, and come far too close for comfort most times. Which makes robotnik firm in wanting them gone: he values his personal space a LOT, thank you very much.

Now, if it wasn't obviouse already, the ghost is maria! Do the two know its her? No deffinetly not. But they do know that she seems to gravitate twards robotnik more than stone. She appears to him more often, and most of the time when takeing a pixture of robotnik, stone can faintly see her form next to him in it.

The reason this is, is because shes formed a spirit bond with ivo! Mainly because he is the only family member she has left besides shadow, but she doesnt know where the hell he is, and she wants to make sure her cousin stays safe. (Its of my personal headcannon that she got to see him once as a baby, and thats also another reason shes kinda attached to him. But i digress.)

Now, you might be wondering if maria is an agressive ghost, and the answer is a firm no! She's quite freindly, its just everything she does is taken as very agressive or creepy. So that time where she banged on robotniks doors after he ran away from her? Yeah it was really just her knocking, its just, as a ghost, she has to put in a lot more energy into makeing contact with things so it came across as banging.

And her appearing to him more often was her trying to say sorry for scareing him so bad, but he just kept going away when she came closer.

This is probobly the main point of the au, robotnik and stone being scared ahitless of her while she's just thinkimg: "god im haveing such a good time with my cousin and his boyfreind :3" sometimes she realises she's scareing them, sometimes she doesn't, but she tries her best to come across as nice regardless of if it works or not.

A good show of her trying to look as freindly as possible would be her covering her face with her hair. Her face is very scary (think a mandela cattaloge face, except with maggot holes and dried and fresh blood covering half of it. And also Some maggots being visible under her eye socket if she turns it a certain way.) And so she tries to hide it from everyone, to not scare people away. But even with their hair covering her face, robotnik and stone still think she looks very disturbing.

Maybe they realise its maria eventually, either by talking about her with gerald, or shadow once they're on freindlier terms with him. But still, until then its shennigens up until that point. (Because while maria does try her best to be freindly, she cant help but scare ivo just a bit. Its funny to hear him yelp.)

Side notes :D :

Maria likes whispering random shit into robotniks ear sometimes. She's tried to do the same thing with stone before, but the assistant has had to deal with a lot of weird shit (mainly from ivo) before so he's far too used to it for her likeing.

How i imagine it going down is her face (uncovered) fazeing into existance right ontop of ivos shoulder as she whispers: "i know what you are." Into his ear before fazeing back out.

It confuses the living daylights out of robotnik, but she thinks its funny.

Another thing she likes to do is watch ru pauls drag race with robotnik. They're both super invested into it (ivo religously watching ru pauls drag race being a headcannon i stole from someone.) And she quite litterally rushes over onto the bed with him whenever he turns it on. She's sad she can't share his popcorn, but hanging out with her cousin more than makes up for it!

Stone and robotnik eventually get a spirit box. Robotnik adamantly refused to get one, siteing him haveing standards as one of the reasons, but eventually he caved. Maria relentlessly teases him while talking through it, so he tries to avoid useing it as much as possible. But sometimes maria gets bored and throws a hissy fit, flinging things off the shelves and tables until he turns it back on to talk to her again. (Maria telling them that its her through the spirit box could also be another way they learn that they're being haunted by robotniks cousin if its not through shadow or gerald, but i digress.)

Stone, once he learns maria isn't all to hostile, actually kind of vibes with her a bit. Sure, she still scares the shit out of him sometimes, but due to his experience in dealing with robotnik, he learns to tolerate her presense. Even if its from 6 ft away. (Its a lot more than robotnik does anyways.)

Final thought! I'd imagine that sonic (and maybe the rest of team sonic) end up haveing to stay in stone and robotniks crab house temporarily while they're busying trying to track shadow down or something. and its only when maria appears to sonic (since he reminds her of shadow,) that robotnik tells him "oh yeah, the base is haunted." Which pisses sonic off a bit, because if he had known, he would have never agreed to stay in the damn crab house to begin with. But oh well, he'll deal with it. Maybe she's freindly! She did wave at him.. in a very creepy way- but that doesnt mean she's bad! In the end, sonic ends up being decent freinds with her. (This is litterally the only time that someone doesn't think maria is out to get them btw. Poor girl, she just wants to bond a bit more with her cousin that she never got to meet.)

[ecto-stone]

New-osh to the aphandom, re-discovering a lot of weird shit from these guys, watch DP as a kid, and as i am discovering/ rediscovering stuff in both the fandom & the show I keep find weird shit.

The current one that i am focusing on is the whole Flynn thing. A lot of us agree that Flynn being a Fenton just doesnt work with him disapeering, so a lot of people are making him Alicia's kid OR Vlad & Maddie's kid from that one timeline that doesnt exist anymore.

Which one do you prefer? Inam partial to both but... i also am thinking of a 3rd weird thing.

I'm more of He is a Fenton. But He is a Miscarriage Maddie have before having Jazz making Jazz a rainbowbaby. ( personal experience, i'm a rainbow baby and sometime i wish my big brother was born so i can be the silly middle child with little expectation from my parent and peer) And his Existence and disapearance can be explain by it was a wish from Jazz,

Wishing that he was born so she don't had to be the one that shoulder all the responisble in the house hold and desired grant that wish. ( so like he an actual good big brother unlike the common big brother/sister come from wish are all jerk thing from cartoon) Essentially making it a Jazz episode where she get to be a normal wild middle child teen. Whiles her brother Flynn now taker over her older brother role taking care of both Jazz and Danny. which Gave Jazz sort of role existenal crisis as she does love being free as she is now with flynn around and don't had to play the parental role to Danny. But at the sametime this is her responsibility. And Well everyone need a Jazz and Flynn is Jazz own Jazz

gave her a much needed advices like how she alway gave to Danny. -Of just becaused he might not be real not mean she not allowed to be fun anymore, this is a side of her just like how caring for other people is a side of her. -Overall this eased out Jazz worry and pressure she feel being the middle ground in this weird family.

[ludinusdaleth]

on todays cr bear agenda but also genuine headcanons. we know that elves can be hairy & fat in a few instances in exandria. so my idea is:

uthodurnian elves are known far and wide for being hairy like their dwarven neighbors but also as stocky as them too. even those without any dwarf blood in them tend to eat a lot more, especially carbs, and ignore the poshness that just doesnt work in uthodurn. it's not unheard of for elves to be deeply, bara-like muscular & fat there. king imathan, grace of molaesmyr, among them, with a bit of scruff and a body that will never know the trial of running from home again.

while they arent as known for it, drow of the kryn dynasty just dont care what other elven cultures may think about them, and jewelry is braided through their beards, and the most handsome & beautiful of their houses are often seen with soft frames. almost any elf with testosterone stationed out in areas like bazzoxan or asarius is lumberjack-like in fur growth, often encouraged & peer pressured & celebrated for it all at once by beastfolk friends.

in general elves are becoming less conservative about their appearances in exandria these days, syngorn holding onto a hairless thin ideal the most but still beginning to break down - in large part due to globalization but also artagans lodge and the feygrove. young elves find a sort of rebellion in learning about the fae, who snicker at how uptight syngornian elves are - they value being so close to fae in heritage and yet every fae looks utterly unique! the feygrove encourages indulgence and self love and more and more syngorn elves find themselves with a belly and attempts to grow facial & body hair whenever possible even admist harsh glares.

[hum4niz3daesthet1cs]

|{ CULTCORE }|

|{ One of the main villains of the fandom! HUGE TWS FOR ABUSE, SH, AND SU1CIDE!! }|

# Personal Information

***• Government Name***

Erro Ada Evans

**• *Core* *Alias***

CultCore

**• *Preferred* *Name***

Erro prefers his regular government name, it doesn’t really bother him.

**• *Nickname(s)***

Eri, Prophet, The Forest Walker

**• *Chosen By***

Rune, Erro was taken by Rune due to making a deal with him over being the top, and being forced as a prophet for Rune forever.

**• *Origin***

L.A, California. Erro lived a mainly normal life, except his parents neglected him due to not being perfect. Erro continuously destroyed himself to be perfect as he abused drugs, stopped eating, and stopped sleeping. After giving into depression, he came across Rune in a forest, and made a deal to be on the top. However, he was forced to work as a prophet, and committed many homicides, eventually committing suicide by decapitating himself with his dagger, becoming Cultcore.

***• Attire Style***

Erro dresses in a cultist’s attire, wearing a dark red robe with a darker red button-up shirt underneath. He wears a black rose veil with glowing red arm bandages and black gloves. He wears black leggings with rips in them and dark red and black laced up boots in the shape of that of a deers hooves, but as shoes. He also wears a bunch of red belts and a glowing red cross necklace. He also has a black mask with Rune’s symbol and a realistic red eye on the center.

***• Core House***

Leader’s Domain

***• Location***

The Liminal Outskirts/The Dreamworld

***• Rank***

Prophet, Higher Being

***• Job/Occupation***

A worker of Rune, but also a higher being who can take aesthetics of his own.

***• Sexuality***

Aroace, Aroflux, Asexual

# Biological Information

***• Phyiscal Age***

23

***• Mental Age***

100+

***• Height***

5’10-6’0{With Platforms}

***• Gender***

Bigender, Masc He/She

***• Sex***

Male

***• Species***

A rat-based wendigo demi-human

***• Unique Features***

Two tall black antlers with a glowing red chain connecting them and glowing red crystals dangling from them, a black, long rat tail, and some small drooped deer ears

***• Personality Type***

Erro is often very mysterious and manipulative. He has the ability to get people stuck in situations where their only option is to obey him. He abuses in a similar way to making people think it’s their fault for everything, but this isn’t always him. He’s actually often quiet and polite when he’s not doing his job. He’s respectful of those close to him, and he is respectful and affectionate towards his partner, even if they hurt him.

***• Alignment***

Lawful Evil, Lawful Neutral

***• Likes***

Skulls, gorey topics, scrolling through his phone, perfectionism, making people happy

***• Neutrals***

His job, he doesnt like hurting others but he had made a deal, peer pressure

***• Dislikes***

Being fully forced into things, hurting people, getting hurt himself, failure, being ignored, not being at the top

***•Relationships***

Rune/ViolenceCore: Romantic Partner

# Medical Information

***• Mental Disabilities***

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Anxiety Disorder

Chronic Depression

Chronic Insomnia

CPTSD

***• Physical Disabilities***

Chronic neck pain

Nerve damage

Farsighted

***• Verbal Disabilities***

Selective Mutism

(Used to be complete mutism due to the drugs he abused ruining his throat, now his brain just wont let him talk when put under stress)

|{ Design! }|

{FULL BACKSTORY (OLD TYPED VER HELP ME-) }

Trauma/Backstory: TW: neglect, people pleasing, ED, substance abuse, gore, death, suicide Erro was born in L.A, California, with a strict family and neglecting parents. He was always told throughout his life to end up at the top, and it was all he could think of. This led him to become a severe perfectionist, too worried about work and doing jobs and professions correctly to eat anything. He didn’t really think it was that bad to be malnourished, as the smaller the body the easier it was to move around and make everything p e r f e c t.

He was always considered gifted by the students in his school, all As, 4.0 GPAs, and standing high above the rest. Deep down, though, he was a ball of stress and worry, and he felt the rush of burnout and the fate of collapsing from his top role coming closer and closer. Until suddenly, during junior year of highschool, he stopped.

He was seen as a nerd, when really he relied on dirty ways to stay up top, especially during burnout. He would take deadly substances, just to stay at the very top if he didn’t know what was right. He made deals, and suffered just to make his family proud of him. He’d always enter the school with a bright smile on his face, but beaten up and paler from all the deadly substances.

He rarely spoke, due to a burning feeling in his throat, which knocked him down on participation. His voice was crackly and broken whenever he tried to speak, the substances he messed with starting to degrade on his body. He was starting to lose himself more and more, the pain starting to get worse and worse, and he beat himself over it, claiming that he must be “the perfect one” and that he “would never stop until the top is reached”.

In senior year, he was on the verge of collapsing, barely making it past school, and he had left his role of being on the top, it was too much for him to handle. His family started to yell at him for it, manipulating him and claiming he was fine. He was still malnourished, and his eyes were droopy with dark circles underneath them, from staying up all hours studying and making sure everything was perfect.

He soon graduated highschool, not even trying college. He quickly moved out, and tried to fix himself, but he was too damaged to be fixed, both mentally and physically. His old self was locked in a cage, forever locked behind with insanity.

He slowly began to not see the point in life. He never seemed to fit in anywhere, and even the strongest substances never helped, it just made things worse. Everytime he looked outside, the days began to blend, and his world became grayer and grayer. He soon had enough, he walked off, away from his home, and he soon encountered a figure in the darkness. He was approached, and a hand was held out, a deal being offered to him, this would be his last.

Willpower for the strongest protection and always being at the top role.. He agreed, seeing no other choice, and he took the hand, his soul being taken under the hands of Rune, and he couldn’t say no to them anymore.

He acted as a slave, and he was happy with it, because he got what he wanted. He stayed at the top, and he would fall at the top. He helped with torture, putting victims through horrifying and torturous rituals lead by Erro, himself.

He lost his mind more and more as this went on, and soon, he stood before a pile of the dead bodies of the ones he had created himself. He saw no one else to torture or use, so he took his own dagger to his throat, and slit his throat, blood spilling from the injury as all he did was smile, as the bone in his neck slowly cacked and crumbled, which showed this was what Rune wanted… Soon, he collapsed to his knees, his head rolling on the pile of the bodies, and he collapsed. He soon woke up, inside a bedroom, with Rune standing before him.. He was forever left like this. An empty shell of who he once was.. And nothing could stop that.

[randomreadingtimewithtsuki]

Noé x reader

Reader works in a bridal shop. Her job helping brides pick dresses and accessories. As well as having (albeit older) coworkers who are all married. She is secretly very jealous and while she doesnt say anything, it's kinda obvious after a while that she really want to get married too. (Not just out of peer pressure but actual longing to have that emotional connection)

Hello! Thank you for requesting!

I am sorry for taking so long to write, thank you for your patience!

I tried a GN approach? I hope this worked out!

----------------------------------------------

• You worked on the fanciest store ever.

• One where many dreams started.

• A wedding shop

• Most employees were married or made peace with their lives as is or have a partner. 

• Except for you.

• At first it didn't bother you at all! You started young on this area

• You started as a helper - you picked up pins on the floor, handled them, cleaned the floor, fluffed the dress on display, took the dust out of the tuxes and such.

• Slowly you got knowledge on how to sell the clothes. You became a sales person.

• You also got a few sewing skills here and there - sometimes an urgent adjustment was needed!

• As time went by you saw all types of couples

• Happy ones, unhappy ones, bossy, dramatic, so many.

• Thanks to the skills developed over time, you managed to become a great salesperson, people loved you! You were honest, but kind, you were empathetic, but had your feet on the ground.

• Eventually you started to feel…. Like you were missing something.

• All those happy couples and parents, made you want to plan for your own party too.

• Secretly you would come up with decoration ideas, cakes, flowers and even the clothes itself.

• But you never tried the store's wardrobe though! 

• This feeling only got heavier as you saw your coworkers and friends getting partners, getting married and being… just happy with someone.

• You were not jealous, no. You just started wanting that lovely partnership, that sweet friendship, with someone.

• That someone being your current boyfriend, Noé.

• He was lovely, sweet and very caring! A bit airhead and naive.

• He would come by the store to see you. He would say how beautiful you would look dressed for a wedding.

• You always rolled your eyes and said the pretty one was him.

• He would giggle and always say you never knew how gorgeous you truly were.

• His compliments, visits, gifts and dates only made you want a fluffy married life so hard.

• But Noé is so oblivious that he wouldn't notice it on his own.

• You started dropping hints of how nice it would be to welcome home and be welcomed by someone you loved.

• How sweet it was to refer to one as " my spouse" 

• He always agreed, but never quite grasped what you meant.

• You had no courage to say your feelings out loud.

• That was when Vanitas was very convenient.

• In one of Noé's visits, the man heard you dropping hints at your silly boyfriend. He also heard it flying very very high by the vampire's head.

• But he did not have the time to explain what you meant there and then.

• How did you know? Well, Vanitas came in stormy and yelling and dragging your boyfriend away.

• But a few days later on the day you were supposed to close the shop, Noé appeared.

• It was already dark out, you were about to leave and lock the door, when you heard your name being shouted.

• You look back to see Noé panting, a bit bloody and blushing like mad.

• You were worried sick about him! So you rushed to help him.

• He did not let you talk, instead he just said " do you mean it?"

• You were so confused. Mean what?

• He explained that Vanitas told him what you were implying - you wanted to marry him. So he asked again, did you mean it?

• You blushed furiously and tried to convince him to talk about it some other time and tend to his injuries, but Noé refused.

• He said he had to know.

• You sighed and said yes. You did mean it, but there was no need to decide now.

• Well, the vampire did not think that way. Not at all.

• He took a deep breath and said he could not exactly give you the life you wanted.

• A sweet couple life, being home every night, walking around hand in hand, shopping and so on.

• But he could be by your side forever, he could love you for as long as death did you apart.

• You were had tears on your eyes.

• You smiled brightly despite the tears running down your face.

• The poor man was confused. Were you happy? Or not? It's not what you wanted. But he does love you.

• You took his offer.

• He looked awfully relieved, so relieved he fell on his knees.

• You helped him up again, you were both giggling.

• He looked at you and asked if you two could find something fancy for your wedding in the store.

• You smiled at him and assured Noé that you already had the perfect tux for him there.

• One you knew he would love and look even more handsome than he already is.

• He was excited to see it. He wanted to try it out asap.

• But you had to calm him down  - clothes were one of the many worries of a wedding and with your job, it would be easier.

• He blinked for a moment and suddenly looked startled.

• " Y/N! A ring! You need a ring! I proposed without one!"

• You giggled at how cute he could be.

• You tried your best to reassure him that he could find a ring later.

• Noé was beating himself up about it, because what kind of husband doesn't give a ring to their spouse?

• Needless to say after this day, you two spent most days planning out the wedding and sometimes dragging Vanitas along - like when Noé took him to help find a good ring for you.

----------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading! 

Please let me know what you think!

[felikatze]

Did you notice the “hey kids stealing to survive is wrong, that rich noble, whom shouldn’t have to pay taxes, needs every last gold coin and kids starving on the street should be thankful to them” message in Sonic underground?

OHH ABSOLUTELY

one of the Key Moments that stuck w me is of course the first main instance in the pilot of Sonic Being A Fucking Narc when Manic tries to steal from Bartleby.

Oh, Sonic, you think Bartleby worked for all these trinkets? When all the aristocrats are benefiting from literal slave labor and paying their way into a dictaror's good graces?

Or that episode later, where those street kids try to rob a ball with Manic - but of course, we can't rob this specific guy because he's a resistance spy, and the solution all along was to get these kids into proper loving homes <3 You see, Manic is past the street kid life now! He no longer steals, and those kids were so mean for peer pressuring him into doing it again.

Ignoring that in a scenario with any degree more realism, Manic's kleptomania is a simple result of the guy fucking lived in a sewer, so of course he's gonna stock up even when he technically doesnt have to steal anymore, because, yknow, it's good to have some safety when you end up on the street again.

And Manic being dissuaded from theft as the show goes on, and focusing more on his mechanics hobby as his main skill, would be, because he's finally secure in his environment.

But nah man it's not because Manic finally trusts the Underground enough to know he's not going to have to fight to survive any longer, and can finally pursue his actual passions without worrying about putting food in his stomach - it's because Manic finally learned that Stealing Is Bad And You Shouldn't Do It.

WE ARE. ONCE AGAIN. AT THE THEMATIC IMPASSE. where sonic underground wants to be a show that Teaches Kids Morals like aosth is - while cramming it into the satam setting of freedom fighters. Chase two rabbits and you'll catch neither.

Stealing is bad, kids! Except this is Dark Gritty Dystopia, so the people who steal are doing so to survive - but treated with the same gravitas as bored teens shoplifting at Sephora, because the target here is to tell kids they shouldnt shoplift instead of actually talking about poverty.

You should listen to the cops! Except thos is Dark Gritty Dystopia, and the cops are trying to kill you, so maybe reporting your brother for pickpocketing classes as signing his death warrant.

It's just, simple moralistic kids tales, in a setting that just doesn't invite it at all. Underground just wants to be about Teamwork, when it needed to be about so much more than that.

It just all boils down to being a cheap parody of aosth, without understanding that aosth works because sonic's the fucking road runner in it.

in conclusion: bummer majores.

[mystxmomo]

Hello! Would you mind answering 7, 13, 32, and/or 47 for my fave girl Enclave? Please and thanks!

7. How easily and frequently do they ask for help

Depends on who she's asking help from.

From Vhaeraun? Easily. In the world's driest tone, "It makes him happy when he's helping. Gives him enrichment." ;;: yeah she's pretty up his ass about grabbing from his magic and calling on his avatar. It's a direct influence within how she's fighting and defending herself.

But to any of the people in her life that she surrounds herself with...? She'd struggle with that. That's not her role here. Maybe she's a bit more comfortable asking someone like Ilphaer for help, but people like her brother/Dekkon who are SO much younger than her? Awkward. She's not doing that.

And this is something I actually incorporate into how she fight/her actual class/subclass in 5e. If she multiclasses into rogue (I have a few different sheets that Ive conceptually played with because I'm not quite sure which feels right without playing, and she's such a specific character that I would not bring her to a table of strangers, lmao) she's either an assassin or mastermind. Her abilities are so... Meant for self defense and taking care of things on her own. When she's written pen to paper, she runs ahead and tries taking care of things on her own.

Is it a good trait? No. But it's so specifically her.

13. Is there a moral line they would never cross

I answered 13 for her here but Tldr, is that she's someone willing to cross her own moral lines, but you have to put in the work of convincing her that it's worth doing. And good luck doing that as an outsider. She follows people and their concepts. She's not exactly a paragon of virtue, but she's always been aware of this and thinks that she doesnt have the luxury to be that.

32. Are they more concerned with the bigger picture or are they hung up on the details

Which, to tact on to the last answer - Bigger picture.

Though, admittedly, I think this is something that changes over the course of her life. When she's younger, I think she's someone far more concerned about smaller details and things happening within the moment of. But I think there's this thing that happens as she gets more involved with the divine. Like, she's already a fairly long-lived elf, but i think given who she stands by, she starts viewing things on a time-scale far larger than most of her peers. To her, a big picture may very well become a little detail to focus on.

After all, What's 100 years when you're rubbing up against something that's existed since before your entire race was known as drow..?

47. If they were an object, Which material(s) would they be made of

Obsidian. I almost made one of her blades obsidian, and I still might give her an obsidian knife just because she can never have too many. Built under pressure. Chips easily, but dangerous when chipped properly. And is often, in fact, only aesthetically associated with what it is because of the damage done to it and the way it's reshaped through doing so. Material that's been used in lot of tools over the course of time, and to use it properly you HAVE to damage it. Pretty, natural material. Adds further connection to how in her Gods pocket she is, and how she personally sees herself.

I think it fits her very well. I almost went with a fabric like velvet but wanted to specify that it's threadbare, but I think that's ultimately a little too soft for her (My original thought process was going to be that it's one a lot of people like, but that just as many people hate the texture of, and then the added damage making it unusable to most ..? But the lines didn't connect well enough in my head. Alas)