#penelope garcia headcanon

[ddejavvu]

I’d like to think that the BAU take ventriloquism lessons (including the illusion of throwing their voice) to be able to speak without opening their mouths. It helps when dealing with low profile situations, when they can just stand near each other and say “blue shirt, 3:00” and not look like they’re talking at all. But I’d also like to think that they all abuse this skill around the office. Derek makes his voice high-pitched and tells Penelope that he’s the ghost of the squirrel she ran over three years ago (a story she tearily tells them whenever she’s feeling glum) and then coddles her when she cries and wages war on him for being so mean. Reid manages to convince Rossi that he’s the small child that they’re standing next to in public so Rossi turns to the kid and answers the question reid asked in his voice and the kid runs away screaming because of stranger danger - reid just giggles. The absolutely legendary prankster of them though, is Hotch. His voice is already deep, and he can go deeper. Anytime he knows they’re not doing their work, if they’re goofing off or teasing each other, he pretends to be one of the fbi’s higher ups come to visit and shouts how disappointed he is in the terrible work ethic of the bureau, and threatens to disband them. While they’re all frantically searching for the man who’s speaking in the crowded office and trying to pretend they were busy in the first place, he’s leaning against the kitchen counter with his coffee in hand and a smug smile on his face

[ceramicbonez]

trans garcia trans garcia trans garcia <33

[theunholyvirginemilyprentiss]

BAU movie night:

MORGAN: Insists on picking the movie, chooses a cheesy ‘80s action movie, and falls asleep immediately.

PENELOPE: Knows Morgan too well so brought a stack of Disney movies. She is the designated snack dispenser, and has prepared a feast of popcorn, M&Ms, pretzels, and soda. AirPlaying the movie on the big screen from her tablet.

SPENCER: “Did you know that Walt Disney actually pioneered a groundbreaking sound system called Fantasia for the 1940 animated feature ‘Fantasia’? It was a precursor to many modern sound technologies.”

ELLE: Listens intently to Reid’s facts, splitting the blue and the red M&Ms into two piles, the blue for Spencer, the red for her.

EMILY: Annoying everyone because she can’t sit still and keeps spinning in her chair. Puts popcorn up Morgan’s nose as he sleeps and passes a handful of pretzels to JJ every few minutes.

JJ: Goes to the toilet constantly and eats all the pretzels. Keeps checking her phone.

HOTCH: Reading case files in the corner. Also eats all the pretzels.

ROSSI: “What the hell is this movie even about?”

GIDEON: “It’s about the chaotic predilections of man.”

EMILY: “It’s about Mickey Mouse.”

Check out my Masterlist for more BAU scenarios

[criminalmindsfanantic]

JJ and Emily showing off their new name plates after getting married 🥰❤️

[sabage101]

Card declines at therapy and they bring out the parents of the boy who was alive yesterday

[blueeyedgirll]

my very accurate guide to what bath and body works scent criminal minds characters would wear + romantic scenarios to how you smell them

(as someone who’s only seen like 5.5 seasons ༄)

contains emily prentiss, penelope garcia, jennifer jareau, aaron hotchner, spencer reid, and derek morgan

(a/n: mostly g/n reader except for jj unless you wear perfume. also i swear some higher power does NOT want me writing this, i've tried three times now and it keeps deleting everything 😭)

emily prentiss - into the night

raspberry noir - amber crystals - creamy patchouli

dancing in the kitchen

your arms are propped on her shoulders, your head on her collarbone

her hands are wrapped around your waist, pulling you as close as possible

she hums along into your ear, leaving soft kisses on the skin next to it

her perfume wafts up from her neck and chest where she had sprayed it hours before

penelope garcia - ghoul friend

dark strawberries - ghostly peony - spine chilling citrus

penelope clinging on to you on a fair ride

the ride whips and flings you through the air, making penelope find stability by wrapping her arms around you and hiding in your shoulder

her fruity perfume clings to her hair and skin, wafting up to you as the ride whips your hair around

you wrap your arms around her, holding on tight like she may actually fly off

jennifer jareau - gingham gorgeous

pink strawberries - peach nectar - peony blooms

letting you borrow her perfume before a date

you happen to forget yours and jj comes to the rescue, letting you use hers

using it causes all of your favorite and sweetest memories with jj to flash into your memory (due to olfactory memory)

you leave the house proud to be wearing your girlfriend's signature scent

aaron hotchner - smoked old fashioned

smoked orange bitters - bourbon vanilla - cedarwood

he lets you wear his jacket in the cold

the chilly air bites at your exposed arms and cheeks, and aaron quickly takes notice

he shrugs off his suit jacket, not allowing you to politely decline before he wraps it around your arms

his cologne-y scent clings to the jacket, and faintly to your skin long after you've taken it off

spencer reid - leather and brandy

warm leather - amber woods - aged brandy (note - it's more of a leather and wood scent, the brandy note isn't very strong)

cuddling up, near skin-to-skin at the movie theatre

you had gone with him to see solaris, the lengthy russian sci-fi movie that spencer was just dying to see

unfortunately you dont speak russian, leading spencer to need to translate

he was so close you could feel his body heat and smell his cologne, a sensation made even better by his low, smooth voice translating every line in your ear

derek morgan - ocean

blue cypress - vetiver - coastal air

derek gave you a late-night ride home

his car smelled of his fresh cologne and minty air freshener

soft conversation kept you occupied, discussing your night and his work

his deep voice made you just a bit on edge (in a good way)

of course, he made sure to text you when you got home to "have a good night, hot stuff ;)"

[parkersbliss]

your instagram when dating spencer reid

inspired by @/happiesthotch @/hotchaways :)

Liked by garciagirlie, alexblake and 374 others

ssa(y/n) love his clown feet 🫶🏼

view all 27 comments

spencephd love her baby feet ❤️

rossisrotini I didn’t know they could be nice to each other

→ jjareau she texted me after posting this and said he slam dunked her with a pillow

→ ms_emilyp @/ssa(y/n) use two exclamation points if you need help

→ ssa(y/n) HELP‼️‼️‼️‼️

→ agenthotch wheels up in 20, you heard her

d.morgan oh to see pretty boys feet

→ ssa(y/n) my eyes only 😡😡

→ spencephd im not sure how to feel about this

→ garciagirlie I could get you photos of lots of feet

→ agenthotch I think we need to have a talk about this

→ garciagirlie i meant my feet with fresh new nail polish* 😁

→ agentahotch 😐

liked by therealellew, jjareau and 427 others

ssa(y/n) pov garcia & morgan are on the phone

view all 33 comments

garciagirlie where’s my chocolate thunder

→ d.morgan right here baby girl 😏

→ spencephd we can’t escape them

→ ssa(y/n) but we can do worse ;)

→ ms_emilyp @/agentahotch do something about this

→ agenthotch no

rossisrotini I beg of you both to not become like them

→ spencephd now you’re just tempting us to do worse 🤷‍♂️

→ ssa(y/n) I await those glorious hands of yours, doctor

→ jjareau what have we started

→ ssa(y/n) ITS FOR A MASSAGE CHILL 😭

→ d.morgan could’ve fooled me tbh

liked by itsmattsimmons, d.morgan and 503 others

ssa(y/n) someone didn’t pass the physical fit test

view all 17 comments

d.morgan is he looking for a trainer 👀👀

→ garciagirl no. never again with you.

→ spencephd literally leave

→ jjareau we’re doing just fine without you 😘

ms_emilyp reid looking to outrun his paperwork

→ ssa(y/n) more like reid running to catch some bitches

→ spencephd so I’m chasing after you?

→ ssa(y/n) 😡😡

agenthotch who’s not doing paperwork 🤨

→ rossisrotini exposed like the lazy kids you are

liked by spencephd, agenthotch and 292 others

ssa(y/n) got my bitch <3

view all 19 comments

Spencephd 😐

→ ssa(y/n) notice how you didn’t correct me

→ spencephd can’t even tie her own shoes smh

→ ssa(y/n) LMAOOO that’s what you’re for SIMP

garciagirlie the love birds are at it again

→ jjareau love birds sounds more like enemies these days

→ d.morgan isn’t that the fun in it?

→ ssa(y/n) yes, he literally just threw the shoe at my face 😇

rossisrotini @/agenthotch got another case for ya

→ ms_emilyp that’s the sound of the police reid 🚨

→ spencephd you know statistically, it takes the police an average of 7 minutes to get to the scene. I could be long gone by then.

→ d.morgan I can hear him through my phone

→ spencephd :)

liked by alvarezluke, rossisrotini and 338 others

ssa(y/n) candid of my favorite nerd 🤭

view all 31 comments

spencephd I’ve been exposed 😟

→ ssa(y/n) wanna be exposed in a different way?

d.morgan looks like we got competition @/garciagirlie

→ garciagirlie 😏 been exposed for years to you baby

ms_emilyp 🤢 I’m moving back to london fr

→ jjareau take me with 🙏🏼🙏🏼

→ garciagirlie GIRLS TRIP

→ ssa(y/n) LETS GO

→ ms_emilyp not you ❤️

rossisrotini 🥂 cheers you two but keep it in your pants

→ ssa(y/n) hard to when he’s this fine 😫

→ spencephd actually die

agenthotch this is what we call a hostile work environment

→ d.morgan you weren’t even there for that hotch

→ agentahotch I have my ways

→ garciagirlie please don’t bring back such traumatizing memories

→ jjareau clearly we need to have this conversation again

— END —

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a/n finally got around to writing some criminal minds stuff 😫

[reidsc0nverse]

pov: your instagram when dating spencer reid

inspired by @parkersbliss (theirs is so cute i love it go check it out)

Liked by Kristy_Simmons, derekm and 173 others

(y/n) "i think they make me look cool" -the biggest nerd of all time

View all 17 comments

spencerreid1 Firstly, I'm not THAT big of a nerd. Secondly, they do and I stand by that.

-> (y/n) ofc you do baby but i can't lie to you and say i'm wrong

-> derekm Anything you say pretty boy

-> emilyprenty spencer stop typing like an english teacher

-> (y/n) @/emilyprenty AHAHAHAHAHHA

-> spencerreid1 @/(y/n) :(

paparossi are those mine???

-> (y/n) no....

-> spencerreid1 y/n did it

-> (y/n) @/spencerreid1 WTH SNITCH

Liked by princesspennyg, alexblake, and 203 others

(y/n) Penelope's Halloween party got lit asf ‼️

View all 25 comments

princesspennyg seems like i was successful in my goal of getting boy wonder drunk 😌

-> (y/n) yeah thanks for that

-> spencerreid1 That was your GOAL?!

-> princesspennyg you have a serious stick up your butt sometimes 🙄

-> (y/n) tell me about it

AaronHotchner I'm so glad Jack wasn't around to see this

-> jjareau Don't worry there was a kiddy table for the boys so he could've come 🤷🏼‍♀️

-> princesspennyg i always think ahead 😇

-> (y/n) We're all great babysitters

-> AaronHotchner Not when you're all intoxicated

Liked by jjareau, paparossi and 193 others

(y/n) He bought me a pair so we could match 🤭

View all 13 comments

spencerreid1 It's only fair 🤷

-> (y/n) 🤍

derekm You guys are such dorks it's sickening

-> emilyprenty says the married man

-> (y/n) do i need to tag Sav??

-> paparossi the drama

-> derekm I take it back 🙄

emilyprenty that's cute and all but WHAT KIND OF SOCK IS HE WEARING

-> spencerreid1 They're stylish, Emily, leave me alone.

-> princesspennyg yknow i gave those to him 🥳

-> emilyprenty @/princesspennyg in that case then theyre great (i'm lying)

-> (y/n) it doesn't take a profiler to figure that out -> spencerreid1 You all suck.

Liked by dr.taralewis, elle.greenaslay and 231 others

(y/n) the loml (plus spencer)

View all 21 comments

emilyprenty i miss you sugarplum 😔

-> (y/n) @/emilyprenty i miss you more pookie bear 😪

-> spencerreid1 ???

-> jjareau how romantic

-> AaronHotchner Don't make me get PDA in here

-> spencerreid1 ⁉️⁉️⁉️

-> emilyprenty i took your bitch hoe

paparossi LOL

-> (y/n) thank you for your blessing

-> paparossi anytime

Okay that's it this is my first post sorry if it was bad lol but seriously go check out @/parkersbliss one it was so cute omg

[criminalmindsgonewrong]

I know this isn't true

but we had the revelation of emily actually being emily Elizabeth prentiss

and we know Tara is tara Elizabeth lewis

so now I've decided that all

yes, all

of the BAU women

are blank Elizabeth blank

jennifer Elizabeth jareau

elle Elizabeth greenaway

penelope Elizabeth garcia

and so on and so forth x

[mordredisacoolname]

CRIMINAL MINDS CHARACTERS - JEALOUSY

Male reader (can be read as gn)

The characters and jealousy before you're dating

Characters: Aaron, Emily, Derek, Spencer, JJ, Penelope, Tara, Luke, Elias

CW: mention of almost getting shot

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

•Aaron hotchner

-he doesn't get jealous easily

-when you talk with other men/women he doesn't mind at all

-especially if he personality knows the person you're speaking with

-even when someone flirts with you he knows they're not competition

-if you do start liking someone he does get a little jealous

-but he doesn't show it, he doesn't have any plans on starting a relationship with you

-if you're not a profiler he doesn't want you to be in danger because of him

-if you are one, he doesn't want to date a coworker

-so even if he gets jealous he won't show it or say anything

-but of course the others notice

-its very subtle but they are trained to study and notice behavior

-they don't dare tease him about it

-depends on who you're closer with on the team they will talk to you about it

-when you say you have feelings for him they will try to encourage you to say something to him

-david or Emily will probably hint him something in between the lines to not ignore his feelings

-so trying to get him jealous or be hard to get isn't gonna work, just talk to him

•Emily Prentiss

-if you're both interested in each other, which you are, she will be flirting with you

-when knows you're interested

-emily won't try anything tho, she believes in not dating a coworker

-if you're not a profiler she still will be reluctant to start a relationship with you, afraid of commitment

-she cares for you deeply

-so she does get jealous

-she won't say it but she will show it

-they flirting will stop, and she'll be more formal with you

-you don't know what's wrong

-only when Derek ir jj, ir even pen tell you why's she acting like this you'll understand

-so you try joking with with her and pointing out her jealousy

-she gets the hint and plays along

-eventually you two meet up together and talk about it, like adults, and decide what to do

•derek Morgan

-oh he flirts with you so much people already think you're dating

-so there's not much to be jealous about

-but if someone does show interest in you he'll observe from the side with an amused face

-laughing to himself first and then actually starts to worry you'll show interest in someone else

-so he kinda tones down the flirting with you because he thinks you no longer have feelings for him

-one day you ask him why's that and if you did something wrong

-he'll brush it off telling you everything's fine

-but you don't buy it

-you decide to go on a date

-but end up thinking about Derek the whole time

-so you confess to him

-he then explains he thought you had feeling for someone else and stopped with the flirting to not make you uncomfortable

•spencer Reid

-you try flirting with him, but he doesn't get it

-so you think it's hopeless and stop

-you try ignoring your feelings for Spencer but it doesn't work

-so you decide to start dating, maybe you'll meet someone you like and forget about Spencer

-but it doesn't work, and you're so exhausted

-of course everyone on the team notices

-even Penelope sees how you look at Spencer, and how he looks at you

-derek gets fed up with this pining and decides to talk with Spencer

-but Spencer himself doesn't know he has feelings for you

-he describes to Derek what he feels everytime you talk to someone attractive and everytime you tell the team you went on a date

-he says he feels weird, a mix of sadness and anger

-so Derek tells him that feeling is jealousy

-spencer then starts paying more attention to this feeling, and your behavior

-of course once someone told him to pay attention to how you behave yourself around him he understands you too, have feelings for him

-so he gathers up the courage to ask you out, not on a date, but just to hang out

-he's weirdly shy and awkward

-usually he's very comfortable with you

-you ask him what's wrong, and he tells you

-they rest of the evening is up to you

•Jennifer Jareau

-she denies her feeling for you, completely ignoring them

-once a deputy you're working with on a case starts flirting with you

-and that she can't ignore

-it distracts her from the case

-she's constantly thinking about you

-because of that she made a mistake and almost got herself hurt

-so she goes up to you at the end of the day, when the case is solved

-"um, you know, I was thinking maybe we could go out and get coffee before work tomorrow?"

-she avoids eye contact

-you of course agree

-the weather is exceptional, you two sit outside of the coffee shop, talking and looking at the view

-she tells you how she couldn't focus on the case

-you ask her why, after all it was a regular one, nothing special

-so Jeniffer tells you how she couldn't stop thinking about that deputy who wouldn't stop flirting with you, and how it made her angry

-you didn't think she liked you back

-so you're over the moon

•penelope Garcia

-your relationship with pen always involved teasing

-little playful comments here and there

-it was fun, you liked it

-so when she noticed you getting closer to a fellow FBI agent from another department she got upset

-the snarky comments were no longer playful

-she was actually hurt, you didn't know what you did wrong

-you try asking her but she ignores you telling you you're just paranoid

-but you know she's lying

-you show up to her house one night, inviting yourself in

-she's surprised, did she forget you two had plans?

-so you tell her you know something's up and you won't leave until she explains herself

-she gets a little mad, you're so oblivious

-you're actually in shock

-penelope likes you back??

-but you thought she flirts with everyone of her friends

-you apologize, and she tells you there's no need, she should've been more forward

-so you decide to have a date, right here and now

•tara lewis

-she doesn't get jealous

-if she doesn't think you have feelings for her she leaves you alone and understands you have the right to flirt with everyone you'd like

-but you give her signs

-maybe you do like her?

-she decides to just ask you, straight forward

-you confess to each other and decide on a date

-she's a very straightforward person, a d is not afraid to show her emotions

•luke Alves

-you flirt, a lot

-but he won't make a move

-and given that he also kinda flirts with Penelope, tho not like he does with you, you don't think anything of that

-so you start dating someone

-he's at a loss of words when you tell him

-he pretends to be happy for you

-but you see there's something he's not telling you

-you decide to have a chat with Penelope

-"oh god you're like two teenagers" she acts annoyed (she secretly thinks it's cute)

-she tells the both of you separately to just talk to each other, confess your feelings

-you're both skeptical but she says to trust her and just do it

-so you do

-you go up to him and at the same time you tell each other you have something to say

-you confess first

-he's in shock, and you both start laughing

-it's safe to say your current boyfriend is no longer your boyfriend by the end of the day

•elias Voit (ok don't @ me he's too cute ik I'm not the only one)

-you first hate him

-everything he's done

-when the team decides to work with him you're so mad

-you ignore him altogether

-but when he sees you for the first time he's locked on on you

-he will let everyone around you know he wants you

-you think he's just playing

-and it annoys you, because you can't help and fall for his charm

-one time your team needs help from him, some information

-so they send you to talk to him

-they moment he sees you he puts his game on

-he can't finish one sentence without a flirty comment

-you get fed up and tell him pretending to like you won't get him anywhere

-he says there's no reason for him to pretend, but you still don't believe him

-he finds it funny but is also kinda pissed

-one time when you use him as bait, you almost get shot, dodging the bullet only thanks to Elias

-you both look at each other, and at that moment you feel it

-you know he's not playing

-of you're so fucked

[theunholyvirginemilyprentiss]

The BAU on a commercial flight:

EMILY: Stopped and searched at the security checkpoint because she forgot she was wearing an ankle holstered gun. Is the person who kicks your seat and hogs the armrest because gay people do not know how to sit on a chair properly.

JJ: Is the one having her armrest hogged by Emily. Opens a packet of peanuts and gives someone an allergic reaction. Should have stuck with Cheetos…

TARA: “It’s okay, I’m a doctor! Not a doctor of medicine, but I’m sure I can figure it out!”

PENELOPE: Watches movies on her tablet and eats M&M’s like the little iPad kid she is, eventually falling asleep on Morgan’s shoulder during ‘Legally Blonde’.

MORGAN: Shamelessly flirting with the flight attendants and trying to hide the fact that he is watching ‘Legally Blonde’ over Penelope’s shoulder—and loving it.

HOTCH: Reading FBI case files in his sunglasses, not noticing the kid who has been staring at him the whole time thinking ‘damn, James Bond be on this flight.’

SPENCER: Talking to that same kid and his mother, explaining aerodynamics and discussing plane crash statistics. The kid’s mother requests a seat change.

ELLE: Lets Spencer explain aerodynamics to her instead. She swaps her red jello for his orange jello from the airplane meal because red is his favourite.

Check out my Masterlist for more BAU scenarios

[princesshalocm]

[amekeii]

Criminal Minds Characters as Cocktails

SPENCER REID - ESPRESSO MARTINI vodka vanilla | coffee liqueur | brown sugar syrup | espresso

AARON HOTCHNER - OLD FASHIONED bourbon | sugar | angostura bitters | orange twist

EMILY PRENTISS - AVIATION gin | maraschino liqueur | simple syrup | lemon juice | crème de violette | cherry

DAVID ROSSI - NEGRONI campari | gin | sweet vermouth

PENELOPE GARCIA - PORNSTAR MARTINI vodka vanilla | passoã | passion fruit puree | pineapple juice | passion fruit half | prosecco

JJ JENNIFER JAREAU - GIN & TONIC opihr gin | yuzu tonic | lime wheel

DEREK MORGAN - MAI TAI dark rum | white rum | orange curacao | almond syrup | lime juice

PART 2

[pretty-boy-baby-girl]

Garcia buys her and Reid matching/complimentary outfits. Reid finds it highly amusing.

Every now and then, he and Garcia will coordinate their fits and show up to the office in the same outfit at which point everyone busts up laughing. (Partly because it's always startling to see Reid in anything even half as outlandish as what Garcia usually wears, and partly because of Morgan's reactions every time.)

Garcia does a pretty good job of getting an even number of matching outfits for both her eccentric style and Reid's more neutral one.

And yes, this does mean that Reid sometimes wears dresses, skirts, and high heels.

The first time Garcia and Reid walked into the bullpen wearing matching checkerboard dresses with chess pieces patterned across them (I'm imagining they were custom made and are supposed to reflect a moment in an actual chess match of some sort which Reid was over the moon about bc hes a dork and Garcia knows it) and little black pumps (because Reid wasn't tall enough already) with both of their hair up in half pony tails and matching glasses, Morgan tripped over his own feet and almost ate it right there in the middle of the bullpen because holy shit his Baby Girl and his Pretty Boy are stunning and hold up he needs a minute.

Spencer, walking into the bullpen with Penelope: *info dumping about the chess match modeled on their dresses*

Morgan, getting coffee across the room: *chokes on his own spit and almost drops his mug because he's busy staring at Spence and Penny*

Prentiss, walking up beside him and slapping him on the back as he coughs: lmao real smooth, Derek. *sips at her own coffee*

JJ: *enters the bullpen in a pencil skirt and an off the shoulder blouse, her hair put up in a bun*

Prentiss: *chokes on her coffee, unable to tear her eyes away from JJ*

Derek: lmao real smooth, Emily. *walks away laughing*

[minswriting]

criminal minds characters as quotes my household have said

i live with a roommate and my sibling so here are some quotes we have said that i think the criminal minds characters would totally say lol

gideon - “hey you win some and you lose some. and you? you lost your dad.”

rossi - “Just remember he doesn’t get love if he doesn’t put on the glove”

aaron - “don’t twerk in a cemetery.”

derek - “Mans looks like a Q-Tip”

emily - *about two unsubs* “they look like they married their thirteen year old cousin”

j.j - “you should kink shame a little bit”

spencer - “they used to crush their testicles with rocks. anyways, this pasta is delicious.”

penelope - “Nooo I don’t want to watch Scream with you guys. It turns me on”

[beware-of-you-98]

Small silly hc I have about jj’s zen garden is that originally it was just the small little box with sand and the rakes that michael bought for her at a school shop that was set up for mother’s day or christmas or another silly lil holiday but anyway when she brings it in to the office she sets it up on her desk and just kinda leaves it there until she comes in one morning and there’s a small crocheted frog just vibing in the sand and jj just kinda stares for a while until penelope passes by and is just like “his name is fredward” and jj just kinda accepts it and then day by day the other members of the team brings little things to fill up her little garden (tara brings the tiny bucket of shells, emily gets the chair, and luke brings the cocktail umbrella) until the zen garden is just a little paradise for fredward who has on a yellow bikini (bc luke insisted that blue was so not fredward’s color) and a tiny fake bottle of corona that no one will admit to getting (rossi is adamant he did Not supply the small bottle but he’s also denying it too hard for it to be completely believable) but yeah it’s stupid it’s silly but it’s all i can think about ok bye <3