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andrewmoocow · 4 years

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Steven Universe: The Fantastic Mutants chapter 4: The Deadpool and Peridot Show (originally posted on August 29, 2020)

AN: Welcome back to The Fantastic Mutants everyone. This is a very special chapter because here I have a co-writer, whether I like it or not.

Surprise everyone, it's me Deadpool! Since this kid refuses to get his writing done quickly, I've taken it upon myself to "help" him out since no one can understand me better than me. Now then, back to my cohost here.

Yes, Deadpool of all people has decided to help me. Though I'd rather do all of this myself without any distractions.

Kinda like how this author's note is distracting us from the actual main event! Now let's just get this rolling already!

We begin on a talk show set in a blank white space, inhabited solely by a drop-dead handsome mercenary dressed in a beautiful shade of red with hints of black that was currently tearing it apart for no good reason. You know him, you love him, it's the sexiest anti-hero to have ever graced this dying industry, Deadpool.

"Thank you, thank you all!" yours truly bowed for an unseen audience as he finished tearing the set apart. "Now if all y'all have been lying under a rock since like, I don't know, '91, I am known as Wade Winston Wilson. I was created by Rob Liefeld and Fabian Niecieza for The New Mutants #98 in February 199-"

"Wade, I believe everyone knows who you are already." My white thinky-box, represented by a bold underline, cut me off. "You're already an Internet legend and of course, there's Ryan Reynolds."

"Can we just can the prologue already?" my yellow thinky-box, also represented by underlining but this time it was in italics. "There's gotta be people coming here solely for us who don't know what's going on."

"Okay wiseguys, you asked for it." the man who looked like a cross between Ryan Reynolds and a Shar-Pei underneath that creepily adorable mask replied. "So in case you guys are just joining us, this is a crossover with the modern classic with some of the most psycho fans in the Internet, Steven Universe." I explained. "Last chapter, our smol sunshine baby of a protagonist was kidnapped by the Master of Magnetism Magneto for some most likely evil science experiment by our favorite evil dictator with a superiority complex to compliment his tiny dick, Doctor Doom. In response, the Crystal Gems have decided that they need more hands on deck, and more characters than this story already needs."

"What does he want this to be, the DC Extended Universe?"

"I'd watch that mouth if I were you buddy." I called the dialogue box out. "Our author here has had experiences with those fans. If that Englishman can think he's free to call MCU fans Marvel Zombies, than he's free to have his own opinion. But someone that fanatical deserves to be called something similar, like a DCheep! Get it, because he's a sheep!"

"Can we please move on? This recap has already taken up two pages and I got real-life things to do." The author begged Wade.

"Okay, okay! Let's get this started already, keep your pants on!" the masked macho-man declared, marching off stage in an alluring fashion. "Cue scenery!"

Not too far from Westchester County, there was a shitty apartment where dwelled the hideously scarred human mutate, Wade Wilson. He was out like a light after the badass battle to the death he totally had last night, no joke. Not even a chimichanga could wake him up, and he didn't care that much for them. Yeah, no joke.

"Come on you sack 'a crap, wake up!" his blind, black, elderly roommate Blind Al groaned while fishing Wade out of bed with a snow shovel. "How much off-screen carnage puts you this much to sleep?"

"Enough for readers to get a glimpse of what I do in my spare time." Deadpool declared as he woke up, looking like he had a fantastic night's sleep. "Morning Al, off to do a crossover, see ya later!" he hurriedly greeted the old woman before leaving his room.

"Should I tell him he's not wearing pants?" Al muttered to herself. "Naw, he'll figure it out himself."

And figure it out he did. Immediately after that scene, Deadpool was wandering around the street fully clothed and ready to get this chapter over with.

"So, can we have our co-stars please show themselves?"

The author complied by dropping Connie, Peridot, Lapis Lazuli, Bismuth and Nephrite into the scene. "Wait, how did we get here?" Peridot wondered aloud. "And who are you?"

"Ooh, I get to hang with everyone's favorite character!" Deadpool cheered. "I've been writing up jokes about the fans I've been wanting to say for quite a while." He added to the readers while searching his hammerspace for cue cards. "Let me see, Molotov cocktail, big-ass cartoon bomb, reminder to sue Marvel & Capcom for leaving me out of Infinite, God knows how many machine guns."

"Uh, while you're looking for whatever it is you want, let me introduce myself." Connie introduced herself. "My name is Connie, pleased to meet you."

"Hey, can you put your cue-card search on hold and say hi to the kid?"

"Ah, here they are!" Deadpool declared as he fished a series of flashcards from seemingly his butt. "Been wanting to do this for ages." He said before clearing his throat, and he began to read off of them.

"Here are some complaints I have heard about Steven Universe. Complaint #1: literally no one can stay on-model because storyboarding is the devil. Complaint #2: Rebecca Sugar is a total butchphobic abuse supporter because she treats Jasper like crap and lets Lapis off the hook despite the fact that she's even worse."

"Please note that these are clearly not the opinions of the author. He's just been around Tumblr a lot and knows just how these so-called 'fans' think."

"Who said that?" Bismuth wondered aloud. "Oh hey, Bismuth!" Wade exclaimed as he just took notice of her. "That reminds me, Complaint #3: Making Bismuth an antagonist in any way, shape or form is racist because all minorities are pretty little angels than must be defended at all costs despite the facts that we're all human beings who have the potential to be complete balls to the wall sociopathic!"

"Okay, now you're just being used as a mouthpiece for the author. Hey buddy, can you stop him by introducing your version of the X-Force?!"

As a way to shut him up, the writer dropped the X-Force into the current scene on top of Deadpool. Their members, aside from Wilson, consisted of big names like Cable, Domino, Bob & Psylocke, to those who are only familiar to movie-watchers like Copycat, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Yukio, Bedlam & Shatterstar, and even Outlaw & Fantomex!

"How did we get here?" Cable asked the other black-ops mutants as he got up. "Oh hey Natey, knew you'd come along sooner or later!" Wade greeted his cybernetic compadre. "I was just getting myself introduced to these characters that we'll be paired up with for this crossover."

"Hi, I'm Bob, Wade's best friend!" the HYDRA agent Bob cheerfully introduced himself. "Name's Domino." Neena Thurman responded.

"A pleasure to meet you, dearest jeune fille bleue." Fantomex greeted Lapis in a gentlemanly fashion. "You may call me Fantomex. "

"Charmed." Lapis replied.

"Wow, everyone wants Lapis! First Fandral, and now Fanto."

"Can you blame her? She's the writer's fave and top SU waifu! Favoritism much?"

"Name's Negasonic Teenage Warhead." Ellie Phimster introduced herself. "This here is Yukio." She added gesturing to a Japanese girl with pink hair and a big smile. "Hi there!"

"I'm Wade's girlfriend Vanessa, though a lot of people call me Copycat since that's my power." Vanessa stated. "Yeah, totally original."

"Call me Bedlam." Bedlam stated. "And this here is Shatterstar. Unlike the rest of us, he's an alien from the Mojoverse."

"And finally, these are Outlaw and Psylocke." Shatterstar gestured to the cowgirl and the ninja in the one piece. "Nice to meet ya." Inez Temple greeted. "Indeed." Betsy Braddock added.

"So, what brings you to my neck of the woods?" Deadpool asked Connie. "Don't give too much away, cause I already got a basic knowledge of what happened last chapter."

"Chapter?" Connie tilted her head in confusion. "Steven was kidnapped only an hour ago! What do you think this is, some kind of story?"

"You'd be surprised Girl-Who-Wasn't-Actually-Dressed-As-Gohan-In-That-One-Episode." The Merc with a Mouth grinned underneath his mask. Before anyone could move on however, a stereotypical overweight nerd who looks like he doesn't get out much wheeled in on an automated scooter with a plate of brownies in front of him. "And you are?"

"I am simply an SU Critical that wants to congratulate you for making my voice heard." The nerd congratulated Deadpool. "As a way of saying thanks, have some brownies."

"I get it! Deadpool won some brownie points!"

"Don't explain the joke dumbass. The punchline should be coming up now."

As Wade snacked on the brownies, he came to realize something was wrong with them. "Hey wait a second. Yo, stereotype! Why do these brownies taste like literal dogshit?!"

"That's my secret ingredient!" the nerd revealed, much to Wade's disgust and he angrily tossed the brownies on the ground. "It's to symbolize how I believe Steven Universe has gone bad ever since the barn arc ended since absolutely nothing can compare to the amazing character development Peridot got!"

"Oh, it's so nice to see someone notice my splendidness!" Peridot blushed as she felt humbled by the nerd. "Of course, then they had to devolve her into a mindless comic relief who only-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING MINDLESS COMIC RELIEF YOU CLOD?!" the small Gem shrieked furiously before she pounced on the basement dweller and began choking him. "I'll teach you to talk back to me immediately after giving my praises you hypocrite!"

As Peridot continued assaulting the nerd, everyone else watched in either shock, bemusement or in Deadpool's case, pride. "I think I want to be her new bestest friend already."

"But I thought we were friends!" Bob weeped sadly while Bedlam gave him a comforting pat on the head.

"And now it's time for a cutaway gag!"

"Cutaway gags? You gotta be kidding me, we're not Family Guy!"

"Just let the writer do his thing man, it's his imagination!"

"Come on Willy, I know you can do it!" a child version of Deadpool called to a whale in a scene that is clearly a reference to a certain all-time classic "Boy and his non-human friend" story. However just as Willy finally leaped over the rock Wade was standing on, he was immediately harpooned in midair and dragged towards a pirate ship manned by Captain Ahab. "Hey, wrong whale story Habbo Hotel!"

"After so many years of searching, that accursed whale is now mine to profit off!" Ahab and his crew celebrated their capture. "I'm talking sequels and an animated series to start, but the sky's the limit!"

"This ain't the last you'll see of me Old Thunder!" Wade cursed the sea captain as he made off with his prize. "I'll bring that whale home, just you wait!"

"Okay, that's a pretty unique idea for a gag. But seriously, back to the show."

"So, we're here because Magneto has kidnapped Steven with a bunch of Sentinels." Connie recapped to Deadpool while they were out and about in the city. "Now that you know what we're doing, can you tell us what you do?"

"I'm glad you asked Connie." Deadpool declared. "Allow me to explain the only way you Steven Universe characters probably know how. IN SONG!"

"Wait, a musical number, in a fanfiction?! Seriously?!"

"Hey shut it, this is gonna be good!"

"Lights please." Wade announced, shutting off the lights with a snap of his fingers, and turning them back on with another snap. He was now dressed as an Elvis impersonator with Cable, Domino, Bob and Copycat as his band. "What song do you plan on playing?" Vanessa asked her boyfriend.

"Just watch and listen." Wade responded, and began playing a parody of a classic movie song. "Here I go!" he started singing while Cable provided backup on the drums. "Woo! Ah-ha, ah-ha, let me show you what I work with!"

"Well Gambit was in league with a bunch of thieves, Cyclops has almost two thousand tales!" For his first act of insanity, the Regenerating Degenerate made about fifty longboxes filled with comics appear for Peridot & Lapis to rifle through. As soon as they discovered one with Wade fighting a vampire bat creature on the cover titled "Deadpool: The Gauntlet," the Deadpool on the cover continued the song.

"Well my friends, you're in luck cause up your sleeves, you got a kind of guy that never fails!" After Deadpool emerged from the issue Peridot was holding, he shot down various villains emerging from the other comics while singing.

"You got a real badass in your corner now, a real Wolverine type in your camp!" he then demonstrated by transforming his face into that of Logan's and then back again before letting bullets rain from above. "He can shoot, kablam! Bullets galore, all you gotta do is say my name!" Wade crooned. "And I'll say: 'Miss Peridot and Lapis Lazuli, what will your pleasure be?'"

As he sat the Gems down on a beach blanket, Deadpool then assumed pirate attire and set a heavy treasure chest on the ground. "Just give me a guy and I'll shoot him down, you ain't had a mercenary like me!"

Peridot began to excitedly open the chest while Lapis rolled her eyes. "Life's like a treasure chest," Wade's disembodied voice continued. When the treasure box was opened, the mercenary exploded out of it and made gold fly everywhere. "AND I'M GONNA BE YOUR KEY!"

Unlike her smaller partner, Lapis was still not amused. "C'mon, whisper to me what you want," Wade kept crooning, followed by splitting himself into four smaller Deadpools. "You ain't had a mercenary like me!"

"Contractors pride ourselves on service." One of the mini-Wades stated, and then they merged into the prime Wilson while spawning a lavish couch for his two guests. "You girls the hoss, the queens, the Shah! No matter what you wish, I'll be your bitch! How 'bout a few chimichangas?"

"Have some of Sample A, try all of Sample B!" Following the chimichanga rain, Peridot and Lapis were handed free samples at a supermarket before they found themselves on a velvet pillow held by Wade. "Anytime, any day, I'll help you babes. You ain't had a mercenary like me!"

A brief dance number then ensued between Deadpool and his hands. His left hand vocalized and the degenerate replied with an "Oh my!" When the right hand started singing, it was responded with "No no!" Both hands harmonized and they got a "Ha ha ha!" They sandwiched Deadpool between them as he peaced out with a "Zip-a-dee doo-dah!"

When Deadpool returned, he pointed straight at Peridot. "Give me a good badda-yadda-yadda!"

"Badda-yadda-yadda!" Peridot excitedly repeated. "Good, scotty-wop!" Wade then pointed to Lapis. Her reply was more unsure. "Uh, scotty-wop?"

"Everybody now!" Deadpool compelled the readers. "Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!"

"Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!" the readers answered excitedly.

"Yeah, y'all got it!" Wade congratulated before proceeding to demonstrate his healing factor. "Can your friends do this?" he asked, casually dislocating his arms. "Can your friends do that?" he added, ripping out his spinal cord to bounce on it like a certain stuffed tiger. "Can your friends pull this?" With that, Wade tore his skeleton out of his body and started dancing the Charleston with it. "Out a little hat?!"

Suddenly, Wade's skeleton started filling itself with dynamite sticks on the verge of exploding. "CAN YOUR FRIENDS GO-" The human mutate was interrupted as the TNT exploded, and the clouds gave way to him beatboxing while doing a silly dance.

"Call me the Merc with a Mouth, I am always there. North, West, East and South! So don't sit there slackjawed, all buggy-eyed! I'm here to answer all ya evening prayers!" he continued. "You got me bona-fide certified! A hired gun for your charge affair!"

"I got a powerful urge to help you out! So who's gonna die? I really need to know!" Deadpool said as the song began to reach its climax while pulling a long strip of paper from Peridot's mouth and began rubbing his bottom with it. "You got a list that's three miles long no doubt. So all you gotta do is pay-wayho!"

For the final setpiece, Peridot and Lapis now stood atop a mountain of dead Marvel characters that are so obscure, not even the most hardcore fans knew a thing about them. "Miss Peridot and Lapis Lazuli, what will your pleasure be?" Wade asked tunefully. Peridot then picked up one body, and its head suddenly turned into Deadpool's. "Anytime anyplace, I'll help you babes."

A few bodies rose from the dead, only for Deadpool to shoot them all down. "You ain't had a mercenary, never had a mercenary." He concluded. "You ain't had a mercenary, never had a mercenary."

Bullets once again began raining, along with all sorts of violent weapons as the song finally ended. "YOU AIN'T, HAD A, MERCE-NARY LIIIII-IIIIIKE MEEEEE!"

With the X-Force performing a kickline to finish things off, Deadpool pulled on a string dangling from above. "You ain't had a mercenary like me!" A flickering neon applause sign dropped down, capping off the rather pointless number.

"Well, that was a waste of time that'll never be spoken of again."

"Sincerest apologies to Alan Menken, Howard Ashman and especially Robin Williams. He would've been 69 this year. NICE!"

"Okay you generic-looking monster, time to discover who you truly are!" Connie declared to a captured Sasquatch while she, Peridot, Deadpool, Lapis and Cable were dressed as a certain band of meddling kids and their voracious canine pal. Connie ripped off the Sasquatch's head to reveal that it was a mask worn by an evil parrot with a scar across his face.

"Zoinks! Like, it's a parrot!" Deadpool declared in a beatnik voice. "Wait, a parrot? Is that all?"

"Far from it mein friends!" the parrot answered in a German accent. Suddenly, large robots kicked the walls around them down. "Behold, my Nazi robots!"

"N-Nazi robots?" Lapis stuttered. "Jeepers, this is just getting too weird."

Deadpool then glanced expectantly at Cable, who groaned while pushing up his glasses. "C'mon Cabey, say the line!" he exhorted the cyborg. With a heavy groan, Cable quietly said "Jinkies, run."

"He's right, let's split up gang!" Connie commanded, and the crew were off to the races. After passing by the same flowerpot approximately five times because there wasn't that much in the budget, the five came across a hallway littered with doors.

When Deadpool and Peridot burst into one door, they came out of another not too faraway, same with the others. However at the end of a door, they came across a blue digital ghost with yellow eyes & teeth and a grainy laugh.

"Ruh roh, rit's Rames Rarles the Rindly Rohnny!" Peridot exclaimed, making every word she spoke begin with R before she coughed. "How does anyone speak like this?" she asked Wade. "Because speech impediments are funny!" the mercenary replied. "Now let's move!"

"Seriously, why can't I be Fred?!" Cable complained while emerging from another door with Deadpool by his side instead of Lapis. "Connie gets the cool ascot, and all I'm left with is this bulky sweater and a short skirt!"

"Well for one, that skirt actually looks pretty cute on you." Wade answered with a stupidly cheeky grin on his face. Before anyone else could charge through more doors, zombie cats and dinosaurs that could move without thinking came charging in. "Wow, Scooby-Doo became a lot weirder than when I was a youngin."

Returning to the real world, the Crystal Temps and the X-Force have just plowed through an entire armed squadron inhabiting a conveniently abandoned office building and now had their leader tied up in a chair. "We ain't gonna let all those hallway fights amount to nothing!" Wade declared holding the squadron leader at gunpoint. "We've tried every torture technique in the book: eating your own food, threatening your family, doing a silly dance to some awesome music and yet still you won't talk!" he exclaimed. "So let me ask this again! What does the guy who gave Magneto & Doctor Doom those Sentinels look like?"

"What?" the gunman asked nervously, causing Wade to smash another wall. "WHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU FROM?!" the mercenary shrieked. "What?" the captive continued squeaking. "WHAT AIN'T NO COUNTRY I EVER HEARD OF!" Deadpool yelled. "THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN WHAT?!"

"What?" the man said a third time. "ENGLISH MOTHER-" Deadpool began, but then he noticed the T-rating and groaned. "ENGLISH YOU BASTARD, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!" he reiterated. "YES!" the gunman finally said something other than what. "THEN YOU MUST KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" Deadpool kept yelling. "WHAT DOES YOUR MASTER LOOK LIKE?!"

"We could just beat the info outta him and be done with it." Bedlam advised. "No need for all this Pulp Fiction parody crap."

"Was I talking to you?" Wade asked his teammate tersely before going back to his captive. "Now where was I? Oh yeah! Does he look like a bitch?"

"Now you're just skipping lines!" the gunman squealed in defiance. "What else do you wanna do with me?!"

"Okay, I got another question for you." Wade stated. "Have you had your prostate exam lately?"

"What?" the gunman muttered, fearing what could come next. "In fact, I got just the girl to help me." Wade declared. "Hey Connie, your MILF of a mom is a doctor right? Surely you must know what I'm talking about!"

"Yeah, pretty much!" Connie answered. "Here, lend me your sword. We might need to operate." Deadpool said as he menacingly snapped on a pair of rubber gloves. "Hey author, why don't we cut to another scene before this gets too violent?"

"Now then, what are we working with he-There it is!"

"AUGH!"

Elsewhere, a stereotypical shadowy figure watched from a large video screen as the X-Force tore through his mercenaries. "That masked maniac is onto us!" he growled quietly while pounding his fist on an armrest and turned his chair to face Ruckus, Gorgeous George, Hairbag, Ramrod & Slab, the Nasty Boyz. "You five track him & those rainbow women down and kill them all!"

"Yes sir." The Nasty Boyz complied and set off for the Merc with a Mouth. "Now where do you suppose the merc could be now?" Hairbag asked his fellow Boyz. "My best guess, he's probably at that Hellhouse run by Patch." the Southern-accented Slab theorized. "Hopefully they have room for his head as a trophy."

"Well here we are at Saint Margaret's School for Wayward Children." Deadpool decreed as he suddenly parked a limo that he totally always had in front of the mercenary dispatch center he loved frequenting. "I suggest you try not to look at some of its inhabitants funny, some of them can get a little ballistic."

Entering the bar, the two teams had all eyes on them by all the other mercs at the establishment. "Uh, hello there." Connie nervously greeted one of them. "I don't think you're old enough to be here little girl." The mercenary replied ominously. "Don't worry Jessica, they're with me." Deadpool told the larger man. "So, where's Weasel?"

"Right here old buddy!" the bespectacled bartender called for Wade. "Hey, Weasel!" Wade exclaimed to his old friend while sitting down at the bar and exchanging a fistbump. "I see you're doing well Poolboy." Weasel said to his friend. "And who's the green midget with you?"

"This is Peridot, a member of the Crystal Gems." Shatterstar introduced Peridot. "Oh, you mean those rock ladies that creamed those Chitauri only to get creamed by Thanos?" Weasel asked, making Peridot pretty mad. "Hey, we creamed Thanos right back!"

"We're looking for information sir." Connie said to Weasel. "A friend of mine has been captured by Magneto & Doctor Doom using those Sentinel robots, and we want to know where they've come from."

"You want confidential info little girl?" the barkeep stated. "Go see Multiple Man over there at that poker table, he's usually the guy to talk to since he's a detective."

"Yet one mystery he can't solve is the mystery of why he can never get his own movie."

"ZING!"

At a nearby poker table, Jamie Madrox and some of his duplicates were playing cards with the albino mutant Caliban, and the four Jamies clearly had the upper hand. "All in!" one of the clones declared shoving his chips into the pot. "I know you are cheating Madrox." Caliban informed his opponent. "I mean, there are literally four of you!"

Just then, Deadpool abruptly shot one of the clones dead and sat down where he once was. "Deal me in." he simply declared as if nothing happened. "Caliban welcomes you Mr. Pool." Caliban nervously greeted the regenerating degenerate. "And who is your little friend?"

"You may call me Peridot, the suave, attractive and positively adorable leader of the Crystal Gems!" Peridot introduced herself arrogantly. "So, you more members of the X-Men? Haven't seen you around the mansion."

"Actually, we're members of a different team of mutants." Madrox replied, while his surviving doubles sadly carried their dead comrade away. "There are actually quite a lot of them you see. X-Factor; the one we're a part of, X-Statix, Excalibur, Generation X, the Morlocks and most famously Alpha Flight."

"Half of them sound so late 20th to early 21st century." Peridot commented. "I mean, X-Statix? Talk about totally cool dudes!"

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "Is this Saint Margaret's? We'd like to have a word with the owner." A voice came from the other side, catching all the patrons and employees off-guard. All was quiet, but then the Nasty Boyz came crashing through the wall instead of the door. "LET'S GET NASTY!" they all cried out, springing into action.

"Alright, what the shit is going on here?!" Bob "Patch" Stirrat, the elderly owner of Saint Margaret's growled, emerging from another room while stroking his big bushy mustache. "Oh god, it's the Nasty Boyz."

"The Nasty Boyz?" Peridot and Lapis repeated in unison before they laughed at the evil mutant team's name. Suddenly, the wood tables of the bar came to life and changed their form thanks to Ramrod, who used them to restrain everyone aside from Deadpool. "Okay boys, frisk him."

On Ramrod's orders, Gorgeous George used his shapeshifting powers to grab Wade by the ankles and dangle him above the ground. "Let's see what he's got here." Ruckus muttered, fishing through the belongings dropped as Wade was shaken up and down. "Various pistols, swords, nunchucks, staves, forks, a bazooka."

"Most of those were from a Ninja Turtles convention I went to last year." Wade revealed. "Don't know where the bazooka came from."

"Rubber chicken, five month old bag of pizza pockets; that are still warm," Slab continued for his teammate. "Ryan Reynolds's phone number, large collection of nude selfies from Thumbelin-WHAT?!"

To Slab's absolute shock and fury, he found an overfilled file of lewd pictures taken by his sister Kristina Anderson with her phone number on it, along with a message saying "I bet you want more, my raging sex machine!" Crushing the file in his hand, Slab furiously glared at Deadpool. "Wilson, you son of a bitch!"

"Geez Chris, I thought you had a sense of humor." Wade grinned cheekily. "After all, SHE'S YOUR SISTER!" Then like Thor returning Mjolnir to his hand, the mercenary wiggled his fingers to call one of his katana blades back and free himself from Gorgeous George before rescuing his friends. "SSSSSSmokin'!" he hissed before spin-dashing out of the bar.

"After that degenerate!" Hairbag exclaimed while Slab frothed in wordless rage and the Boyz gave chase, leaving the bar in tatters. "Hey, which of you assholes is gonna clean this up?!" Patch exclaimed, but then he answered his own question by handing Weasel a broom.

"Everyone, to the Deadpoolmobile!" Deadpool exclaimed as the X-Force and Crystal Temps piled into the limousine from earlier. "Where did you ever get this car anyways?" Bismuth asked him, and he replied. "Don't think about it!"

Far across the city, Robert Kelly was left facepalming and a colleague of his scratching his head when they discovered that one of Kelly's limos was missing, its place taken by a graffiti message saying "I O U".

"I hate that Deadpool." Senator Kelly groaned.

"You get back here this instant you red-masked c-" Slab called for Deadpool as the Nasty Boyz chased them in a stolen taxi, but his cursing was cut off by Deadpool popping out the sunroof of the limousine to open fire on them.

"Wait, if Deadpool is up there, then who is driving?" Connie asked the group, and that's when Yukio made a shocking realization. "Oh my god, Demon Bear is driving!" she exclaimed pointing to a demonic bear that was taking the wheel. "How can that be?!"

"That's right folks, Lawrence Abrams is here to report that the insanely infamous insane mercenary Deadpool has started an intense car chase where he's hijacked a limo belonging to Senator Robert Kelly and is being chased by a group of other mutants called the Nasty Boyz." Lawrence Abrams said on the television at the Baxter Building, where Garnet, Pearl, Colossus and Wolverine had now caught wind of the event. "And there's also some kinda bear driving the limo for some reason. Why's there a bear?! Who gives a damn! And now onto Sally Floyd with politics!"

"Deadpool." Colossus glowered in embarrassment. "Come my friends, we must go and handle this crisis ourselves." He declared while preparing to leave the building. "But you let Connie go on that mission for her optimism." Pearl stated to the metal mutant while setting Reed and Sue's young son Franklin Richards on the floor.

"We know Pearl, but that maniac is a whole 'nother level of unpredictable." Wolverine grumbled. "And there's a high chance Connie's life is at risk here! Right Garnet?"

"Logan is correct. I can see multiple paths where things go horribly wrong." Garnet agreed with Logan. "Oh, you're leaving already?" Franklin's older sister Valeria asked them. "Mom and Dad were just about to introduce you to H.E.R.B.I.E."

"It's alright Valeria, they still have friends to help." Susan assured her daughter. "Go on Gems, we'll catch up with you back at the mansion."

"It's been a pleasure to be shown around the Baxter Building and meeting the kids Sue." Pearl said gratefully and shook the Invisible Woman's hand. "I especially like how Franklin reminds me of Steven."

"Bye Ms. Pearl!" Franklin said goodbye by hugging the tall Gem's leg. "Oh, goodbye to you too Frank." Pearl replied. "Hey, what about me?!" the Four's AI H.E.R.B.I.E exclaimed irritably. "Don't I get anything to say?!"

"Oy Cain, you gotta check this out!" Black Tom called to Juggernaut while he was watching TV. The Brotherhood of Mutants had stopped to refuel their ship and Black Tom had run off on his own when he discovered a TV shop playing the same news report of Deadpool's car chase. "What say we give Deadpool an old one-two before Mags finishes up?"

"You son of a bitch, I'm in!" Juggernaut exclaimed eagerly, giving his teammate a fist-bump that knocked Tom to the ground. "You okay there?"

"We have your limousine surrounded! Come out of the vehicle with your hands in the air!" a police officer barked into a bullhorn as they had Deadpool and pals backed into a corner. "I would make a police brutality joke, but even I know that would be too soon." Wade said to the readers as he screeched the limo to a stop, making donuts on the street and damaging numerous police cars in the process.

"Okay, now you're just either showing off or defying us." The cop with the megaphone japed. Just then, a mighty thud briefly shook the ground. And another. And another. And another. And-

"Quit stalling writer, we know who it is! It's the goddamn Juggernaut!" Deadpool interrupted the third-person omniscient narrator. "Literally everyone and their goddamn long lost relatives know who he is!" The mighty Juggernaut continued inching closer to the fanboying mercenary while the police scattered out of fear of him and Peridot poked her head out the sunroof to see what was up.

"Uh, Wade?" the petite Gem squeaked nervously. "You know who that is right?"

"Didn't I just say that it's ol' Juggernaut?!" Wade exclaimed to his new best friend. "Oh, the things I could say about how much of a badass he is! This guy has beaten the shit outta Cyttorak, the Thing, Colossus, Blob & Thor and even called banging She-Hulk a stalemate! Maybe, that last one was actually a cl-"

Before Deadpool could finish the sentence, Juggernaut grabbed him by the neck with just two fingers and brought him very close to his helmeted face. "Hello Wade." He beamed callously. "Hey Cainy, is that new toothpaste I smell?" Deadpool greeted him nervously. "What flavor is it this time, Feeling Bad About Your Shitty Mutant Powers So You Get New Ones from Cyttorak?"

"Goddamn he went there." Black Tom muttered, only to receive a glare from his partner.

"Deadpool!" Garnet called for the Merc with a Mouth as she, Pearl, Colossus and Wolverine entered the scene. "Oh, hey guys." Peridot nervously waved to her fellow Crystal Gems. "What brings you here?"

"We came here to take control of this current situation." Pearl explained. "No matter how much you want to swear and kill and all sorts of other crass activities, we still need your help in saving a friend of ours."

"I appreciate you want me to be more involved in this story Mordecai," Wade said to Pearl. "but can this wait a bit? I'm currently in the middle of worshipping the Juggernaut, bit-"

However within seconds, Deadpool was mashed into the ground by Juggernaut, leaving only a few scattered body parts lying in a puddle of blood. "Oh, so rude!" his disembodied head declared indignantly. "And to think we were buddies at one time Marky-Mark." He then turned to face the audience one last time before the degenerate would meet his not very possible untimely end. "But since I'm literally nothing but blood, my head, a few fingers, an upper arm and my dick right now, let's lighten the mood a little with some more gags, shall we?"

"As if we didn't waste enough time already."

"I love the smell of 372,844 pancakes in the morning." Deadpool declared as he flipped his last pancake and added it to the growing mountain of pancakes. "Smells like victory!"

"Why on Earth would you need this many pancakes?" Bismuth asked while Deadpool turned on the ceiling sprinklers to pour maple syrup all over each and every one of them at once. "Well, that's pretty clever I'll admit."

"Okay Peridot, ace this test and you're on the team!" Wade, now a coach for the girls' swim team comprised of Lapis, Bismuth, Domino, Warhead, Yukio, Outlaw, Copycat, Psylocke & Nephrite, announced to their soon to be newest member Peridot while she prepared to dive.

"This is it Peri, get this right and you'll make everyone proud!" Peridot muttered to herself while adjusting her cap and gazing at Lapis. As soon as Coach Wade blew the whistle, Peridot leaped into the water…and soon began struggling to keep herself afloat in a very exaggerated manner. "AAAAAGH, SOMEONE HELP! LIFEGUARD, COACH, SOS! THIS WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA!" she shrieked for help before the chlorinated water won out and she sank to the bottom.

"I'll save you!" Cable roared while assuming the role of a lifeguard, preparing to jump in the water after her when Wade stopped him. "No no, wait for the punchline."

When Peridot finally breached the surface, she dramatically gasped for air and then frantically paddled towards the end of the pool, grabbing the ledge with a serious expression on her face. "So, how do you like my swimming?" she asked, acting like nothing had happened. However, no one else was there to answer except for Deadpool. "Hey, where did everyone go?!"

"They jumped ship an hour ago because they were tired of waiting." Wade answered. "But you still get on the team cause you really made me laugh."

"Gotta say Lapis, we got quite a team here." Deadpool remarked proudly to his fellow baseball player Lapis. "Uh, yeah, they're great." Lapis nervously replied while failing to get the joke. "So, who's on first?"

"Yeah, and what's on second." Wade responded eagerly. "No, I want to know who's on first." Lapis continued asking. "Exactly! We already established that who's on first, what's on second and I don't know is third."

"Wait, do you not know their names or are those seriously what they're called?" the ocean Gem asked, causing great irritation for her team captain. "Dammit Lapis, you spoiled the punchline!" he reprimanded her. "In fact, this whole Abbott and Costello tribute was just an excuse to see you dress up as Bob again! I mean, can you blame me with those shorts?"

"Abbott and who now?" Lapis remarked with a raised eyebrow.

"You really need to get out more." Wade deadpanned, lowering his eyelids in response.

"Welcome back one and all to Celebrity Jeopardy." Pearl announced, now dressed as Alex Trebek. "Now before we proceed, I'd like to apologize on the behalf of our contestants to all viewers with rather unusual lifestyles. We here at the studio refuse to judge anyone based on how they live, and sincerely hope you accept our apologies. Now then, let's proceed with our contestants."

Deadpool was in the podium closest to Pearl, now dressed as Sean Connery. "Mr. Connery is in first place with only -1 dollar." Pearl began recapping for the viewers at home. "About as many points as your mother gave you!" Wade cackled.

"Classy." Pearl responded crossly before shining the spotlight on Lewis Black, aka Peridot. "Mr. Black now has a score of, shockingly enough, -6,000 dollars." She explained, prompting the small Gem turned abrasive comedian to climb up on top of her podium in the middle. "Is that enough to buy my own bus?"

"And finally, Josh Brolin, now having raised 35 dollars." Pearl concluded while Juggernaut assumed the role of the aforementioned actor many may know as a certain Mad Titan. "I don't feel so good." Cain muttered. "Damn, walked right into that one!"

"Very well then. With introductions out of the way, let's move onto the board." Pearl stated, moving her eyes from the podiums to the categories. "Tonight our categories are Annals of History, Potent Potables, What Bulls Hit, Jokes, Popular Foreign Television, Places with Names Ending in 'Nia' and Video Games." Deadpool then pressed his buzzer. "Mr. Connery, you have the board."

"I'll take What Bullshit for $500 Al." Wade announced with a stupid grin on his face, clearly misreading the category he had chosen. "And I can tell you plenty of things that are bullshit."

"No, it clearly says What Bulls-" Pearl began to correct the masked contestant before she came to a realization. "Whoa! Okay, walked right into that one. Anyways, the question is: "It is commonly believed bulls are enraged by this color". Mr. Connery?"

"I'll tell you something I've hit recently." Deadpool chortled. "Hit up a few bars over the past week while hanging with your mom. She and I had a wonderful time, if you get what I mean! Wink wink, nudge nudge."

"I don't even have a mother!" Pearl ranted hotly. "And can we please return to what was happening earlier?! These pop culture references are nothing but a waste of time!"

"Thank you!"

"Boldface, you ignorant slut."

"Oh no, Wade!" Peridot yelled for Deadpool as she dashed out the limo to check on the puddle of blood and body parts that was once her new friend. "Please speak to us you clod, you can't die like this!"

"That's because I can't!" Deadpool proudly declared and in a beautiful Disney-like spectacle, slowly reassembled himself until he was the full-bodied lovable manic once again. "Healing factor baby! Got it when some asshole tried to cure my cancer, along with looking like a walking tumor."

"Uh hey, remember us?" the Nasty Boyz cried out in unison, catching the merc's attention. "Oh right, you guys. Gotta wrap up the chapter somehow." As a result, Wade opened fire on the evil mutants, shooting them in the arms, kneecaps and especially their dicks. "Oh and Bismuth, Peridot? You guys got Black Tom & Juggies. I'll take Garnet and Pearl!"

"You got it, I guess." Bismuth complied before she and her little friend squared off with Cassidy & Cain, leaving Wade alone against the senior Crystal Gems.

"Hey, what about us?" Lapis asked the writer, who responded by typing, "Didn't think that far ahead. You guys can just do crowd control."

"Okay Q-Bert and Drinking Bird," Deadpool exclaimed. "you two may have thousands of years of battle experience on your show but in terms of franchise ages, I've been doing this for far longer! There was even a graphic novel trilogy where an actually insane version of me killed the rest of Marvel, tons of classic literature characters and even other versions of me!"

"Do you have any idea what he's saying anymore?" Pearl asked Garnet. "I'm not sure. I fear he may be too unpredictable for us to comprehend!" Garnet answered fearfully. "You can try if you want." Deadpool beckoned them with a silly dance. "But I can assure you that hilarity will ensue!"

Pearl leaped at the Merc with a Mouth, but she was quickly denied a hit when Wade did a pirouette and kicked her in the back, sending her flying into a lamppost. "See, what did I tells ya?!"

Garnet tried her hand at attacking by enlarging her gauntlets & launching them at her foe, but they proved to be useless against him. Deadpool then rapidly fired his gun at Garnet, but she blocked all the bullets with her gauntlets and then finally moved so fast, not even Deadpool could catch her and was punched in the face.

"Wow okay, you got the guts!" Wade yelled while readjusting his head from the hit. "Seems like I really am a bit outmatched by you Garnet. Or maybe a certain someone just wants to make things fair!"

"Come on you maniac, what else can you throw at us?!" Pearl asked pointing her spear. "Oh what else can I throw?" Deadpool replied, letting out a sinister giggle while wearing a pair of shiny glasses and clasping his fingers together. "Let me show you!"

Whipping out his katana blades, Deadpool laughed maniacally while using them to tear the background apart, leaving nothing but a blank white space behind. "WELCOME CRYSTAL GEMS TO MY TURF! I PRESENT TO YOU THE FOURTH WALL, WHERE LOGIC IS JUST AS ILLEGAL AS JAYWALKING!"

"This is starting to remind me of that Uncle person." Pearl muttered in awe. "I thought we promised to never speak of that man again." Garnet instructed the former servant. "Well if he wants to make jokes and talk to the audience, then so can we."

When the two Gems joined hand, there was a bright shimmer as the pair merged into the returning glamorous Sardonyx. "Ladies, gentlemen and everyone in-between, the Gem Hostess with the Mostest has finally returned!" the fusion of Garnet and Pearl announced. "And it seems we have a very special guest star today."

"Sardonyx, huh?" Deadpool muttered while scrolling through the Steven Universe wiki for statistics. "Oh I see, she's here because we can both break the fourth wall!"

"A worthy opponent for you I must say!" Sardonyx chortled before smashing Deadpool in with her hammer. "Of course you realize this means war!" Wade roared, proceeding to whip out numerous cartoon guns, launching them all at once. "RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA-RATA!" he screamed while launching lead at his fusion foe, following up with a declaration of "Omae wa mou shindeiru."

"N-NANI?!" Sardonyx cried out in shock before she spontaneously combusted with a cry of "HIDEBU!" However, the explosion cleared up and she was perfectly fine. "Psyche! Hammer time!"

Before Sardonyx could hit Deadpool with the hammer again, he disappeared into a cartoon hole like it were a solid object and reappeared out another. "Ha, that Spot douche should take notes from-OH GOD!"

"Anyone up for Whack-A-Mole?!" Sardonyx exclaimed, proceeding to whack her opponent multiple times with her hammer before he vanished and popped out another hole. And another, and another, and another, and another, until the hiding began to tire him out. "Jesus she's good." Wade panted, and then he began to make a plan. "I swore that I would never use this the moment I stole it from those schmoes, but I'm left with no choice!"

Sticking a hand up his red-clad butt, Deadpool pulled it out while holding a small black jewel that seemed similar to the Infinity Stones. "Ough, I also swore to never use it again because looking for it is a literal pain in my ass!"

"That Infinity Stone isn't canon!" Sardonyx objected while sounding like a stereotypical nerd. "Oh it may not be canon my dear, but we're in the Fourth Wall where anything could happen." Deadpool explained deviously. "With this Continuity Stone, I could warp all reality to my whims! I could use it to go back in time and erase One More Day by preventing Civil War from happening, or maybe beat the shit outta that Judas Traveller prick and his butt-buddies! But what I plan on doing now is using this stone to erase you from this reality once and for all!"

"Oh no, I don't feel so good!" Sardonyx dramatically announced as she felt herself fading away. "I'm melting! Melting! Oh what a world, what a world!" With that, the fusion finally vanished and presumably Garnet & Pearl as well. As Deadpool let out a heavy sigh, he suddenly realized that the Continuity Stone was now missing. "What the?! Where did it go!?"

"Looking for something Ninja Spidey?" a familiar voice rang out. Sardonyx was now back to normal and smugly held the Stone in her hand, setting it down like a golfball and swinging it at Deadpool's eye, causing his body to explode.

"Can I at least get one F-bomb in Mr. Author Man? Please?" Wade begged the author by putting on his best puppy dog eyes until his disembodied head landed in one of Sardonyx's hands. "To be or not to be," she began quoting Shakespeare. "That is the question."

"I got a question." The mercenary's head growled angrily. "On a scale from one to ten, how much do you think I FUCKING hate you?"

"Watch the mouth sonny, children could be reading this!" Sardonyx chortled. "Now then, let's finish this chapter!"

One bypass of the chapter break later, Sardonyx and the defeated Deadpool were now out of the Fourth Wall and back in the real world where the Nasty Boyz, Juggernaut & Black Tom were now nowhere to be seen.

"Okay, I give up!" Deadpool complained while his body began to regenerate. "I'll go with your stupid plan! Didn't really need to treat me like how Pearl killed that one Irishman during the Easter Rising."

"It was an accident!" Pearl exclaimed as she and Garnet defused. "And how did you possibly know?"

"But before we move onto the next chapter, can we make a quick stop first?" Deadpool asked. "There's a joke I think needs resolving."

"You'll never take the whale from me Wilson!" Captain Ahab exclaimed as he engaged in a swordfight with the dread pirate Straw Hat Deadpool and his motley crew. "I'll surrender when I get eaten alive!"

"Funny you should mention that Habbo." First Mate Peridot sneered before she whistled loudly for Willy to breach the surface, breaking most of Ahab's ship and swallowing him whole. "I'll get you for this Wade!" Ahab shrieked vengefully. "You haven't seen the last of me!"

When Ahab was finally swallowed, Willy gave the pirates his farewells and dove back into the water, free again at last.

"What did parodying both Free Willy and Moby Dick have to do with anything?" Pearl asked Straw Hat Deadpool. "You know what? After what I've experienced, I don't think I want to know."

At long last, the chapter is done! Good thing too, because my partner has just started college as we write this and all that education is gonna cut into his freetime!

Yes indeed, the next chapter will take a bit longer to come out because of college. But I still get a few months off soon, so there you go.

Well, that should settle it. You get some free writing done and I won't take your ANDY ONLY stuff. Hasta luego amigo! And be sure to give my regards to your mom!

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conn-verse · 5 years

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colorful family - pt. 1

A fic based on some of my theories for how SUF will end. In this, White Diamond is the “ultimate” villain, Steven and Connie both receive scars on their eyes (opposite eyes), and Steven isn’t exactly corrupted, but does have a rather significant change due to his gem’s power. Whether you agree with my theories or not, I hope you enjoy!

edit: added a paragraph that i had written as the beginning of part 2, but actually makes more sense to end part 1

The Diamonds seemed to have a knack for crashing parties.

Yellow and Blue’s ships were there, as both Diamonds and even Spinel had come, but they had informed Steven that an argument had occurred with White, who would not be coming. Therefore, he and Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, were surprised to see White’s head descending toward the shore. They exchanged confused looks, but as White left her own head in her bubble, Steven got up to greet her. “White! Blue and Yellow told me you weren’t coming… You had a change of heart?”

White knelt down, extending her hand, onto which Steven wearily stepped.

“You could say that…” White smiled as she brought Steven toward her face. Being so close sent waves of adrenaline through Steven, but he had nothing to worry about. She had changed. She was an ally now.

Blue stepped forward. Something felt off. “White… Please put him down.”

White sighed. “If you insist,” She turned her wrist and let Steven freefall toward the sand. He yelped, summoning his bubble and bouncing hard against the ground.

“Steven!” Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl rushed to Steven’s side, all drawing their weapons.

“What was that for?” Amethyst demanded.

“My, my… aren’t you a difficult one?” White raised her hand and a translucent white bubble formed around Amethyst, floating up and behind White’s head.

“What’s the meaning of this?” Garnet growled.

Another white bubble.

“You won’t get away with this,” Pearl said. Another bubble.

“What do you want, White? Why are you doing this?”

“I thought you said this was supposed to be fun!” White gave her signature eerie smile. “Now, where are the rest of your little friends?”

“We’re right here, you clod!” Peridot shouted. She stood behind Steven with Lapis and Bismuth, and a crowd of gems from Little Homeschool was gathering on the beach. Some were merely watching, but others— Biggs Jasper, Snowflake Obsidian, Crazy Lace, among others— stayed behind Steven, ready to fight if needed.

“Steven! Let’s fuse! We can take her down!” Lapis strode up to Steven confidently. He was surprised, but didn’t take the time to question her. They grabbed each others’ hands and grew into one large, frightening being. They raised their arms and chains of water grabbed at White’s wrists, but she broke free quickly. Another energy beam shot from White’s hand and the fusion fell apart. Steven looked around for Lapis, only to find her gem sitting idly in the sand.

“Lapis!” Peridot shrieked. She picked up the Lazuli gem and ran toward Steven, who opened his arms and hugged Peridot as she crashed into him. A new fusion emerged, but unlike Steven and Lapis, it was weak— neither half knew where to go from there. The fusion split apart just before White poofed Peridot. Bismuth ran to grab the poofed gems, giving Steven a frightened look, and as she dove to scoop up Lapis and Peridot, she was poofed, too. White lifted her hand, and each gem was put in her own bubble, joining the rest of the Crystal Gems floating midair behind White’s head.

“Let them go, White. This isn’t necessary.” Yellow strode toward White, fearless. A beam of energy shot from White’s hand toward Yellow, but Yellow shot one back. Blue raised her hand and joined the attack. Steven writhed around in the sand, feeling some kind of power surging inside him, an immense power he couldn’t begin to control. He held himself up on his knees, panting and beginning to cry.

“Nothing can ever be perfect. That’s not how Earth works, that’s not how anything works!” Steven managed to stand, trudging toward White.

“You have to go through the bad or else the good will mean nothing. I wanted this to work, White. Why can’t you see the truth? Why do you refuse to even try?” He shouted, his whole body turning pink.

“Don’t you see, Pink? I just miss you. I want you back, and here you are! Oh, Starlight, please come home…”

“NO!” Steven screamed, pink shockwaves flying out from around him.

“I am NOT Pink Diamond. I am NOT Rose Quartz. I’m Steven Universe, and I’m a Crystal Gem. And I will protect Earth from any threat it faces.”

He raised his hand and a large, powerful beam of energy shot from it and toward White. She retaliated, sending the same thing back at him. White’s beam was stronger, and it knocked Steven to the ground. Then, he heard Lion’s roar, and his favorite voice desperately calling his name.

“Connie,” he choked on a sob. Lion slid to a halt beside Steven, bending down to let Connie dismount. She knelt beside him, frantically reaching for his hands.

“We’re going to be okay,” she said. He wished he could believe her.

“My, Pink, this is your new pet, isn’t it?” White sighed dramatically.

“You and your organics, always getting in the way of our perfect little world..”

She released another energy beam, this time at Connie. Steven looked up briefly to see what was happening and quickly raised his bubble, and against it, the energy built up. “Connie, run…” he struggled to hold the bubble up. It fell. Connie tried to dodge the attack, but as the bubble fell, the ball of energy directly struck her left eye. She screamed and collapsed in pain, clutching at her eye. Blue and Yellow understood what they needed to do. They looked at each other, remorseful, before raising their hands together to combat White.

Steven reached out to console Connie, but was in too much pain to properly look for her. “Connie, I have to try something, but I don’t know what’s going to happen. Please. Run.”

“No,” her free hand reached for him shakily. She stammered through the pain. “We do this together.”

Their hands met and with a flash of white light, Stevonnie appeared on their knees, in pain and sobbing. And pink. They heaved, raising their right arm. White gasped as Yellow, Blue, and Pink’s combined power zoomed toward her, and then, there was a loud poof.

Stevonnie blinked, and White Diamond was gone. What else was there to do? No use trying to find the energy that wasn’t there if it wasn’t needed. They let themselves collapse, and a few seconds later they fell apart. Connie clutched at her eye, using her other hand to search for Steven’s. The pair laid together in the sand, clutching each others’ hands, silently trying to console each other. Steven quickly fell asleep, and only a few moments later Connie passed out.

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love-takes-work · 5 years

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Steven Universe Graphic Novel Camp Pining Play (2019) - Outline & Review

The fourth original graphic novel for Steven Universe, Camp Pining Play, is a new story for the Lapis and Peridot fans, presented as a theatre project but focusing on relationships and emotional resolution more than anything. It’s new content–unlike some of the trade paperbacks that collect previously released individual issues of the comics. It is written by Nicole Mannino, with illustrations by Lisa Sterle and a cover by Francesca Perrone.

This graphic novel involves Peridot and Lapis falling in love with a piece of Camp Pining Hearts fanfiction--which turns out to have been secretly written by Lars--and after they get permission and have auditions, they put on a play that becomes ever more loosely based on the original fan work. Everyone involved seems to have input that takes the story farther from its origins, but they're determined to still present its heart . . . which becomes difficult when Lapis is uncomfortable with a central facet in the finale--a pretend fusion--but doesn't feel empowered to speak up about it even though Peridot keeps checking in with her. It's actually pretty nuanced throughout despite also having a lot of pretty superficial gags, and every character works pretty well as themselves on more than one level despite this being written by people outside the show team. As usual with my reviews, I'll discuss the story and then present a list of notable items.

(I’ve got to cut for length, sorry. Please look at the amazing sample panels under the cut even if you don’t want to read all my rambles about it.)

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

The story:

Peridot and Lapis are reading and enjoying Camp Pining Hearts fanfiction, relishing the author's faithfulness to the show while featuring their favorite non-canon ship (Percy x Pierre). Lapis indulges Peridot's desire to hear her "Percy voice," and they praise the fanfiction while kicking around ideas of how it could become more real--like maybe it could be made into a real episode or an animated adaptation. Soon, though, they decide a play would be a great idea, though they would have to find the author and get their permission.

Using her homemade app Find-A-Clod, Peridot discovers the identity of the fanfic author, and who should it be but good old Lars Barriga--the local "Donut Butler," as Peridot calls him. Predictably, Lars first denies his authorship, then requests secrecy while admitting it. Sadie, it turns out, also knew of his hobby, and she's edited his work tirelessly all along. Lars gives his permission for them to put on a play (as long as he gets to critique it from the shadows and not have his name attached in any way), but now they have another problem: How do you even put on a play?

Sadie jumps into the organizing chair, giving suggestions worthy of Peridot's title "Donut Master." She comes up with a series of steps, manages to get Mayor Dewey's permission, and receives a one-week planning timeframe. They jump into auditions next, and though everyone's enthusiastic, no one seems too fixated on what roles they want to play (besides Amethyst, who really wants to be a shell necklace used as a prop). Steven, as the most handsome human Peridot knows, gets propositioned to play Pierre, and Pearl becomes Paulette. Lapis is elected to play Percy even though she doesn't think she's actually as cool as the character is.

After the auditions, it's time for props. Lapis and Peridot make the actors create the props, though they soon find they need to give more direction or they'll get a bunch of junk they can't use. The sets and props become amalgams of what people can make and bring from home.

Finally, the rehearsals start. Everyone's struggling a little, from people who can't get their lines right to actors trying to destroy the props (well, Onion trying to destroy the props). But most of all, everyone seems to be awkwardly going through the motions, and Lars keeps shrieking "BOO!" because of how unlike his original story everything's going. Soon they come up with some ideas about making the presentation more their own so their characters won't be so awkward, and to help with the lack of chemistry between Percy (Lapis) and Pierre (Steven), Connie comes up with a unique idea. . . .

She suggests Lapis and Steven should fuse!

Well, that's a controversial statement. Peridot's against it because she thinks their actions are enough to show their affection and they don't need fusion, and Garnet is opposed to fusion as a stage trick. But Connie isn't suggesting it willy-nilly; she thinks they'll need something big to really emphasize the characters' connection, and Amethyst thinks it'd make them seem "strong." But then everyone has ideas on how to change the story or characters, and the core creators of the production are split on how to feel about it.

The blessing is given to include more personal interpretation into the characters. Most importantly, though, Peridot decrees that the fusion at the end needs to be a fake fusion. Lapis isn't up for fusion, though she refuses to say so and ruin everyone else's time. Peridot believes this is a good compromise, but Lapis is still nervous. She keeps it to herself and the rehearsals continue.

The day before opening night, Peridot and Lapis have a heart-to-heart, because Peridot can tell Lapis is holding back a bit. She finds herself unwilling to be specific about her issue, while Peridot goes on a bit about how fun it's been to find a good balance between following rules and enjoying some flexibility. Lapis claims she's just a little shy, and pretends she is okay with the fake fusion scene. She clearly feels like she doesn't have any business objecting since it's not real, and Peridot simply takes her word for it. They distract themselves by fooling around doing voices of the characters.

Opening Night arrives and the audience is full of Beach City residents as well as some visitors. Peridot makes a speech backstage thanking everyone for helping (even the people who don't want to be acknowledged, like Lars), and she emphasizes that she appreciates Lapis's partnership. It's a very sweet moment.

But as soon as everyone scurries off to their places, Lapis gets nervous. The beginning scenes go on as planned, but then Lapis stalls with her entrance because she's freezing. She can't think about anything except how she'll have to fake a fusion. Sadie, as a background tree, gives Lapis a pep talk, and then Onion shoves her onstage and she tries her best.

There are a few minor mishaps, but everyone mostly relaxes and carries out their roles. But then the climax occurs--Lapis's character Percy saves Steven's character Pierre from a dangerous lake after he's jumped in there to get Percy's special lost necklace. This is where they're supposed to have a moment and fake-fuse, but Lapis can't go through with even pretending. She lets loose what she's been feeling while on stage, forgetting about the play.

Peridot acknowledges that she knew about Lapis's discomfort with fusion, and she blames herself for approving the scene. But Lapis doesn't want Peridot to blame herself. She told Peridot that she was okay with it because she WANTED to be. It still didn't make her okay with it, though. And now she feels that she ruined the play through the very act of trying so hard not to ruin it for everyone else. But Peridot and Steven help Lapis understand that her feelings aren't irrational even though the fusion was "fake." Peridot only wants her to do it if she wants to do it.

With that, Peridot and Lapis embrace on the stage and exchange kind words, and then a smoke effect surrounds them. Some of the other actors get Steven, Peridot, and Lapis off the stage quickly and a pyramid of other actors assembles. Mr. Smiley and Greg begin playing a "Pierre and Percy Fusion" song, and the audience watches it blankly with little understanding, but Lars is emotional and clapping.

Finally the audience applauds, Lapis takes her bows, and everyone is grateful for the lessons learned and the wonderful experience. The End.

Notable:

1. The only Camp Pining Hearts characters whose faces have been shown on the TV show are Percy and Paulette. Pierre is mentioned frequently--since Peridot ships him with Percy--but we never see what he looks like. So it's pretty cool that the artists chose not to take artistic license with his appearance and drew depictions of him in shadow.

2. Peridot's analysis of why some fanfiction is better than other fanfiction--notably, that they fulfill the desires of the readers to see ships completed while still feeling like an episode of the show--was pretty spot on!

3. The fanfiction author--Lars--uses the handle xx54d4nd10ne1yxx. Even if it's private, I'm surprised Lars would use something that translates to "sad and lonely."

4. This graphic novel probably spends the most time outside Steven's perspective that I've ever seen; Steven is only marginally in the story, and we're used to seeing things from his perspective. This is quite a departure.

5. Peridot's app, "Find-A-Clod," was so unexpectedly funny to me that I almost choked on my sandwich.

6. As Dewey is still Mayor, Lars is not pink, and Sadie is still working at the Big Donut, we can assume this takes place before the episode "The Good Lars." That feels a little weird now, considering this book is fourth in the series of graphic novels and the one that came before it (The Ultimate Dough-Down) used Sadie's departure and Lars's space adventure as a plot point.

7. Lapis's negativity manifests in this comic as insecurity and frequent naysaying/pessimism. I thought it was really well done because it wasn't obnoxiously presented--as in, it felt genuine and appropriate for someone with her past and personality, not tacked on as her defining personality trait. You could really see her trying to have fun and not be the group's spoilsport, and you could tell she really felt those things.

8. Sadie says she's happy as a background character and that's kind of meta.

9. The shipping is strong in this thing. Peridot encouraging Lapis, the two of them solidifying their relationship, and the adorable compliments are so much fun. The Lapidot shippers have received their piece of heaven.

10. I couldn't get enough of Sadie obliquely insulting Lars when he acted like it was obvious he would take the "handsome guy" role if he didn't want to stay in the shadows. Sadie's like, "Oh, I vote for Steven."

11. Mr. Smiley and Greg are musicians for the play. I think that's cute, because we've seen Mr. Smiley as an out-of-work actor/R&B singer in the show. (And obviously Greg's an old rock star.)

12. New characters for Camp Pining Hearts have been invented: namely, Penelope and Parker, played by Connie and Onion, respectively.

13. Peridot is weirdly mean and disrespectful to Amethyst in this story? It seems to really come from nowhere. First she reluctantly lets Amethyst audition and grants her that she guesses she does have some talent after all, and then later when Amethyst comes in to impersonate a prop and "save the day," Peridot first voices her suspicion that Amethyst will not actually make anything better. It's weird; if you didn't watch the show, you'd think they had an ongoing rivalry or hated each other (or at least that Peridot disliked Amethyst). Hmm.

14. The central conflict of the book's story is impossible to understand or interpret without a very good understanding of the show. The book does not explain what fusion is at all (though obviously in a stage play as a symbol for a fraught scene for an actor, it represents having to kiss on stage). It also gives absolutely no mention of why Lapis has trauma surrounding fusion. If someone were trying to read this without the show's context, they might think there was some kind of awkward past or bad feeling between Lapis and Steven, since she's acting reluctant to pretend to carry out a gesture of affection with him. And even though Lapis's past with Jasper is mentioned--by name!--on the back cover, Jasper is literally not mentioned in the book anywhere. As a fan I had no trouble understanding the source of her angst, but because of this pretty important detail, the book can't be enjoyed on its own without seeing several specific episodes of the show.

15. There are some fun Easter Eggs in the crowd scenes. Play attendees include Mr. Frowney, Mr. and Mrs. Barriga, Dr. and Mr. Maheswaran, Mayor Dewey, Yellowtail and Vidalia, Nanefua and Kofi and Kiki Pizza, Barb, Mr. Fryman, and what look look some extras. All the known characters are family or the actors . . . except Mr. Frowney. Does that imply what I think it does about Mr. Frowney and Mr. Smiley? Hey, maybe they’re married now. :)

16. Lapis's speech where she emphasizes that she consented to the scene was powerful. She WANTED to be okay with pretending to fuse, but in the end, she wasn't. There are so many real-life scenarios that parallel this--when someone tries to downplay their own feelings because they feel like they're the odd person out and they will wreck others' good time if they express how they feel. But, as said in the comic, nobody there wants you to do that, and you not enjoying yourself makes it a worse time for everyone else too. Your real friends won't make you pretend.

17. You probably never thought you’d see Garnet in a squirrel costume. You thought wrong.

18. These two are too precious for words when they hug at the end of the play.

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

#steven universe #camp pining play #camp pining hearts #lapidot #steven universe comics #su comics #myblog

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kittyprincessofcats · 6 years

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Thoughts on SU - Change Your Mind (1/4)

Do I even dare to watch it a second time so I can write down my thoughts in order?... fine, let’s do this. Maybe I won’t hate it as much this time around. I was kind of being super negative before because I was just angry, so I ignored all the parts that I did like. Let’s do this.

- Quick thought: Why hasn’t Steven thought about shapeshifting himself smaller to fit through that window?

- Blue slapping that Rainbow-colored animal feels symbolic.

- “She’s going to take away your Pearl.” So is that what happened to Pink Pearl?

- “You think I’ve never been grounded before?” Connie sassing a Diamond is epic, I love her.

- So Blue created the human zoo, but doesn’t know that humans need food? That doesn’t make any sense.

- I’m torn about that scene of Steven standing up to Blue. On the one hand, I kinda like that he refuses to apologize for fusing, but on the other hand, I find it unrealistic that he’s trying to reason with Blue. Or rather, I feel like it messes with the continuity, if that makes sense? In Escapism, Steven still felt super hopeless and had to use his mind powers to call Bismuth for help all the way on Earth. If he thought he could get through to Blue through reason, then why didn’t he try to contact HER with his mind instead? Why go through all the trouble of calling Bismuth if you didn’t truly think anything else was hopeless? I thought Steven was at a point where he was done trying to reason with the Diamonds - where he didn’t expect any help or understanding from them anymore. And where saving his friends - his real family - was more important than trying to get through to the Diamonds.

- *sigh* Here it comes. The one thing I did not want. I’ve always been vocal about not wanting the Diamonds redeemed after everything they’ve done. I’ve also said before that if they do redeem them, I hope they are least take their time with it, like they did for Peridot. It’s also not a secret that Blue is my least favourite Diamond and that I think that whole image about her being “the nicest one” is bullcrap. And it took them thirty seconds and one “You made Pink cry a lot” line from Steven for Blue to suddenly get all deep about how “If you were happier on Earth, perhaps this World was failing you” - DUDE, you’re the reason that word is failing so many gems! Funny story: When I originally watched this part, my livestream went out just before Steven’s “How often did you make her cry?” line. And the moment it went back on Blue was suddenly redeemed. That’s how little time they invested in this epiphany she apparently had. I hated this, and it kinda soured the mood for me throughout the rest of the episode. I wanted this to be Steven standing up to the Diamonds for his friends, not Blue suddenly seeing the error of her ways in the first five minutes. After the whole hopeless mood of Escapism, they resolved this conflict with Blue WAY too quickly.

- I also dislike how throughout the entire episode Steven only calls the Diamonds out for treating him, his mom, and each other badly. He never mentions the hurt his friends have been through, the pain the Cluster Gems are in, the fear the Off-Colors live in, the literal slavery going on with the Pearls, etc. I understand the whole “abusive / bigoted family of someone who just came out” symbolism they were going for with the Diamonds, and I think that in and of itself is a beautiful story and a beautiful message. However, it honestly just falls flat to me when the Diamonds have done so many things that are so much worse - and those never get addressed. Okay, so they’ve accepted Steven as Steven by the end, but have they stopped killing people or...?

- And even the epic “We’ve got friends to save!” line from the trailer includes Blue... *le sigh* I thought it would be Steven saving his friends from Blue and Yellow.

- Are those... forced fusion experiments in Yellow’s bubbles? Tell me again how she’s supposed to be a good person?

- “If we bend the rules for her, we have to bend them for everyone!” “Well, maybe you should.” Connie’s out here sprewing thruths once more. She’s really becoming one of my faves.

- I kinda wanted Blue and Yellow to poof each other during their fight, ngl.

- *Le sigh* again. I thought that shot from the trailer of Steven throwing his shield at Yellow’s arm would be him protecting the Crystal Gems... but no, it’s him protecting Blue. Of course it is.

- And Yellow’s redemption was just as stupid. Millions of years of being an intergalactic dictator and all it took was Steven telling her homeworld wasn’t perfect? That’s how easy it was? This is starting to make the whole rebellion look pointless. If getting through to the Diamonds is this easy, why start a war? If telling them they’re not perfect is enough, Peridot calling Yellow a clod should have done the trick years ago.

- The whole “Blue and Yellow are just scared of White” narrative is horrible and contradicts everything we’ve seen from them so far.

#SU #Steven Universe #Change Your Mind #Diamond Days #su spoilers #vicky watches SU #long post #Blue Diamond #Yellow Diamond #Connie Maheswaran

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megamanx1994 · 6 years

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Steven Universe: The Gem Awakens Chapter 6

Chapter 6: The fight to end all fights (Disclaimer! I own nothing of Steven Universe or SVTFOE!) Akbar looked at Steven, Connie and Priyanka. “Get them,” he said. His forces chased them throughout the base. “We will finish this,” he said. Steven fought them back while protecting the others. “This is all my fault,” said Steven, “If I had actd quick enough…..” “Don’t blame yourself,” said Connie, “He sacrificed himself to save us!” “But I could’ve saved him!” said Steven, “I’m so useless….” “Steven Universe, you are not useless,” said Connie, “Not to me!” “Doug would’ve sacrificed himself for all of us,” said Priyanka. One of them fused gems caught Steven. It was a copy of Connie. “Help!!!” he said. Connie got out her sword. “Get your hands off my Steven!!” she shouted as she sliced her in half. “Your Steven?” she asked. She started attacking her and she dodged. More gems appeared. “Take them!” she said. “They keep coming,” said Steven. Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst jumped down and saved them. “You mess with them, you answer to us!” said Amethyst. “Steven, we need to get you out of here now!” said Pearl, “Let’s go.” She dragged Steven away but he refused. “No,” said Steven. “Excuse me?” she asked. “I said no,” said Steven, “I’m done sitting here and doing nothing.” “You are doing something,” said Pearl, “Something that involves you running from danger.” “I don’t care if its dangerous, I know I can do this!” said Steven. Star and Marco were facing off against Tom. “Give it up Tom, you know you can’t win this!” said Star. She shot a magic attack and he dodged and kicked her in the face. “Get away from her!” said Marco shooting a fireball. “Steven, you will do as I say,” said Pearl, “Or you will be in very big trouble.” “I said no!” said Steven, “I’m staying to help the others!” “You’re not ready, and you probably won’t be for a long time to handle this!” said Pearl, “You think you can do these things but you just CAN’T STEVEN!” “YOU DON’T KNOW THAT!!!” shouted Steven, “All you know is how to make me miss out on all the important missions, and you hide me from these things thinking I can’t do them!” “That’s because you can’t!” said Pearl, “Now let’s go right….” “No!” said Steven resisting, “This is MY choice! Not yours, not the gems, and not dad’s! MINE!” “Steven Universe, I….” said Pearl. “PEARL!!!!” snapped Garnet. Everyone even Steven was shocked. “You can’t make Steven’s decisions for him all the time, and neither can I,” said Garnet, “We don’t know what Steven is capable of, and only he does.” “But he’s just a….” said Pearl. “No he is not, he is growing up to be a brave gem, although he is 14,” said Garnet. “14?” asked Priyanka, “Well, age is but a number.” “Mom,” said Connie embarrassed. “Its time for us to stop shielding Steven from his responsibilities, and to start believing in Steven,” said Garnet, “I believe.” “I believe,” said Amethyst. “I believe,” said Connie hugging him. “I believe,” said Priyanka, “And your father would have too.” Pearl realized Garnet was right. “I….. I believe,” said Pearl. “Mom, I need you to run,” said Connie, “I’ll be back soon.” “Just be careful,” said Priyanka. “That’s a rule,” she said, “Steven, its time to fuse.” Marco was still fighting Tom. “I will have Star again,” said Tom, “Even if I have to go through you!” “Not gonna happen,” said Marco. Star charged at Tom and he dodged and kicked her. “That’s no way to treat a lady!” said Star, “Hot Sauce Bubble Blast!” Tom avoided the bubbles. “Looks like I’m too hot for you,” said Tom. He then kicked Star and she fell. “That does it!” said Marco, “No one hurts my Star!” He charged up for an attack. “Shinkyuu……” he said. “Oh no you don’t!” said Tom. He charged at Marco and stabbed him with his horns. “Marco!!!!” said Star. Marco fell off the platform. “Marco!!!!” said Star as she jumped. She caught Marco. “Star…” said Marco. “I don’t care if I die,” said Star, “As long as I’m with you! You’re everything to me Marco Diaz, and I love you!” She kissed him and suddenly her wings started to glow. “Well, I may have had to make some sacrifices, but at least Diaz is out of the picture,” said Tom as he grinned. “I think you forgot something,” said Marco. “You’re flying?!” said Tom, “That’s impossible!!!” Star charged at him and finished him off. “You lose Tom,” said Star, “Give up.” “Another day Butterfly,” said Tom, “Another day.” He vanished. “We have to move now!” said Peridot, “This place is gonna blow.” Akbar put one last gem into the cluster and brought it to life. “At last,” he said, “The weapon is finally under my control!” He put on some kind of motion suit. “Do….. as I command…” he said. The cluster followed his every movement. “Soon the world will be mine to control,” he said. “Not if we can stop you!” said Stevonnie. “You!” said Akbar. “Its time to end it,” said Stevonnie, “Shut down the cluster and leave our planet.” “I don’t think so,” said Akbar as he got his sword out. “Let’s do this!” said Stevonnie. She charged at Akbar and they started fighting. The cluster mimicked the moves of Akbar while trying to attack Stevonnie but she was fast. She then landed a punch on Akbar. “Not bad,” he said, “But you’ll have to do a lot better to beat me!” He did a kick and Stevonnie fell down. “I’m not giving up yet!” she said, “This is war!” She jumped at Akbar and did a spinning kick. “Who knew I had all these moves!” she said. Pearl and the gems were guiding Priyanka out of the base. “I hope she’s ok,” she said. “I’m sure she is,” said Garnet, “We must hurry.” They kept running. Other soldiers were evacuating the area. “Those crystal gems are escaping!” said Jasper, “Are we just gonna let them leave?” Stevonnie jumped up to another area where Akbar was. They kept fighting and Akbar was determined to win. “What makes you think that two gems fusing will stop me?” he asked, “I have a thousand gems across the universe, and you’re just two.” “We’re not two people, and we’re not one person either,” said Stevonnie, “We are an experience, and we’re gonna become a great experience.” She got out her shield and threw it and Akbar ducked. “Ha!” he said, “You missed me.” “Wasn’t aiming at you,” she said. “Wha….” He said. The cluster was shattered and fell on a reactor to the ship. “NO!!!!” he said. “Yes!” said Stevonnie. She kicked him and he fell down. Sirens were blaring. “We have to get out of here!” she said as she left. She fell and tripped on something causing her to unfuse. “Steven!” said Connie, “Help!!” “Hang on!” said Steven. He ran to her as the clock started counting down. Priyanka, and the others safely got back to Earth and saw the ship explode. “Connie!!!” she said, “No….” Pearl saw it all. “He… he’s gone,” said Pearl, “My baby’s gone…. And so is Rose.” There were tears all around. Everyone was saddened that Steven and Connie sacrificed themselves to save the Earth. “Your son was a good man Mr. Universe,” said Priyanka. A pink light appeared. “What?” asked Pearl. Lion brought Steven and Connie to safety. “Steven!” said Garnet. “Connie!!” said Priyanka. She rushed to her and hugged them both. “I’m so glad you two are safe,” she said. “Same with you Mom,” said Connie, “I’m so sorry.” “Its ok,” she said as she hugged her again and cried. “So long Yellow Clod,” said Peridot. “I can’t believe you can fly now!” said Marco, “So awesome.” “I know,” said Star, “Wait til Mom hears about this!” “What if Tom attacks Mewni next?” “If that happens I’m going there to stop him, and you’re comin’ with me,” said Star. “You bet I am,” said Marco as he kissed her cheek. Lapis laid down taking a breath. “Earth is safe at last,” she said. “Well it all worked out by believing in Steven!” said Steven. Everyone around him laughed. Later the dance at Connie’s school began. Everyone was having a good time, especially Steven and Connie. Greg was playing music for the band and had a lot of great ideas, including his hit “Drove a van into my heart.” “Its so good to finally relax and chill,” said Sapphire, “Isn’t that right Ruby?” Ruby was drinking some punch. “Hey little girl, aren’t you too young to be at a dance?” asked a boy. “So being a gem automatically makes me a girl?” he asked, “Is that it?” “She’s a guy!” said one of them. Star and Marco were at the top of the building dancing. “How cool is it to have a girlfriend from another dimension?” asked Star. “Very,” said Marco. “Steven, there’s something you forgot before we went to fight Akbar,” said Connie. “What’s that?” asked Steven. “This,” said Connie as she grinned. She kissed Steven on the lips. “Wow,” said Steven as he hugged her. They accidentally fused, but still laughed and had a fun time. Two people saving the world, made of love. How about that? And that’s how Steven won the heart of his best friend. Through the use of Flowers, and Chocolates. THE END I’m a Star by Olivia Olson I can't help it if I make a scene stepping out of my hot pink limousine I'm turning heads and I'm stopping traffic When I pose they scream and when I joke they laugh I got a pair of eyes that they're getting lost in I hypnotize by the way I'm walking I've got them dazzled like a stage magician When I point they look and when I talk they listen well everybody needs a friend and I've got you, and you and you So many I can't even name them Can you blame me? I'm too famous Haven't you noticed that I'm a star? I'm coming into view as the world is turning Haven't you noticed I've made it this far? Now everyone can see me burning Now everyone can see me burning Now everyone can see me burning The remains of Yellow Diamond’s ship landed in the middle of nowhere. From the ashes, Akbar escaped and in his eyes burned the desire for revenge. “You think you’ve…. Stopped me?” he asked, “I will have my revenge, Steven Universe… You… will… die….” He saw a strange figure approach him. “Akbar,” he said, “You never give up so easily do you?” He was too weak to get up. The stranger picked him up and carried him into a portal. “Its to resume your training,” said the stranger, “In due time, you will have the power to annihilate anyone and anything that comes in your way.” CLIFFHANGER!!!!!! Steven Universe, Connie, Star Butterfly, and Marco Diaz will return in the Peacekeepers Series This is War 30 seconds to Mars A warning to the people, the good and the evil This is war To the soldier, the civilian, the martyr, the victim This is war It's the moment of truth and the moment to lie And the moment to live and the moment to die The moment to fight, the moment to fight, To fight, to fight, to fight To the right to the left We will fight to the death To the edge of the earth, It's a brave new world from the last to the first To the right, to the left, We will fight to the death To the edge of the earth It's a brave new world, it's a brave new world (Whoa oh, whoa oh) A warning to the prophet, the liar, the honest This is war To the leader, the pariah, the victor, the messiah This is war It's the moment of truth and the moment to lie And the moment to live and the moment to die The moment to fight, the moment to fight, To fight, to fight, to fight To the right, to the left, We will fight to the death To the edge of the earth, It's a brave new world from the last to the first To the right, to the left, We will fight to the death To the edge of the earth It's a brave new world, it's a brave new world, it's a brave new world I do believe in the light, raise your hands up to the sky The fight is done, the war is won, lift your hands towards the sun Towards the sun, (it's the moment of truth and the moment to lie It's the moment to live and the moment to die, the moment to fight) Towards the sun, Towards the sun, (it's the moment of truth and the moment to lie It's the moment to live and the moment to die, the moment to fight) The war is won (to fight, to fight, to fight, to fight) To the right, to the left, We will fight to the death To the edge of the earth, It's a brave new world from the last to the first To the right, to the left, We will fight to the death To the edge of the earth It's a brave new world, it's a brave new world, it's a brave new world A brave new world The war is won The war is won A brave new world Priyanka was in the office and was fixing an injury that Greg got (Again). “I don’t know how you keep getting those injuries Mr. Universe,” she said. Someone approached her office. “IF you have an appointment you’ll have to take a number,” she said. “I’m actually here looking for a Steven Universe,” he said. She stopped and turned to the person. “Who are you?” she asked. “Dr. Maheswaran, I can tell its been quite some time,” he said. “Once again who are you?” she asked. “And what do you want from my son?” asked Greg. “You’ll probably recognize me with this on,” said the person as he put on a green hat. “Nicholas Shay!” said Greg, “I haven’t seen you since you moved from Brooklyn!” “Its been a while,” said Nicholas. “15 years,” said Greg. “How have you been, you little rascal?” asked Priyanka. “Dr, looking as beautiful as always,” said Nicholas. (He had a bit of a crush on her when he use to go to the doctor a lot) “Narrator mind your own business,” said Nicholas. “Why thank you,” said Priyanka giving him a hug, “As flirtatious and sweet as always.” “So what brings you by?” asked Greg. “Well, I’m here on behalf of the agency, S.M.A.S.H,” said Nicholas, “And I heard stories of a boy who calls himself Steven Universe.” “Yah,” said Greg. “What if I told you we were building a team?” asked Nicholas, “And we think he will make an excellent candidate?” “A team?” asked Greg. Nicholas handed him some paper work. “Give it some thought,” he said. As he went to his car he noticed some files were missing. “What the heck?!” he said, “They’re gone!” He noticed a card. It was in the shape of a raccoon with a bandana on his eyes. “And I think I know who stole them,” he said.

#steven universe #stevonnie #Steven Universe and Star Butterfly Crossover #starco #star butterfly #star vs the forces of evil #connie maheswaran #thegemawakens

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outofthisgxlaxy · 6 years

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☯ - Peridot's call to Yellow Diamond, for Yellow Pearl

Send me '☯ + a scene from my characters canon' and I will drabble it from my character's POV.

The telltale tone of the diamond line demanding attention filled the air, dragging Yellow Pearl away from her usual duties for a beat. Who in the galaxy would have been calling Yellow Diamond at this hour? She glanced her diamond’s way, seeking silent confirmation of what was going on, but the most she got was a curt ‘answer it.’ So, obedient thing that she was, Yellow Pearl did her job. She picked up the call, and she stood at full attention with her arms crossed behind her back.

What she saw on the other side of the line was a peridot. Internally, she groaned. Great; peridots weren’t her favorite vein of Gem. For her diamond’s sake, though? She’d deal with her.

“This is the Yellow Diamond control room,” Yellow Pearl said. The peridot didn’t say anything. That just left the pearl confused, but she carried on anyway. There was one question that she just had to ask.

“Who authorized you to make this call?”

‘No one’ was the answer, but the green stuttering Gem claimed that it was an emergency. Haughtily, Yellow Pearl stuck her nose up a bit. Honestly. Who did this peridot think that she was? Using the diamond line was such a waste of time for everyone involved! How could it possibly be any sort of an emergency when things seemed to be just fine.

“That’s no excuse to use the direct diamond communication channel,” insisted the golden Gem. She didn’t show it in her face, but she really did want to hang up on the peridot. However...

“Pearl.” Her diamond’s eerily calm voice made her gasp and jump slightly.

“Y-Yes, my diamond?” Yellow Pearl put on her best smile as she looked to her left, where her diamond was sitting. Of course, the diamond wanted to know who was on the diamond line and why.

“I don’t know,” she answered. “I was just about to tell her that-”

“I’ll take it from here.” Hastily, Yellow Pearl backed away from her diamond’s hand as she reached it out. There was something about the calm in her diamond’s voice that might have suggested boredom. Yellow Pearl was sincerely hoping that it was just boredom, but that day it was hard to tell. All she could do was stand back and watch as her diamond worked. She’d get the answers. Her diamond was the best at that.

The peridot was so incompetent, she thought as the green Gem said who was calling. ‘Peridot reporting in.’ How could she forget standard Homeworld protocol? She had to say which facet and cut! Every Gem knew that. Even the freshly emerged ones did. Yellow Pearl smirked. Her diamond even was going so far as to silence the green Gem as she tried to explain why she was calling. Evidently, this Gem was behind on her mission to the hunk of rock where Pink Diamond had been shattered.

Good for nothing clod, Yellow Pearl thought. She’d never dare use the c word in front of her diamond, of course. That was why she just was thinking it as her diamond reiterated that the planet was full of nothing but organic life. What a waste. Why had the peridot not done her job?

Proving incompetent yet again, the peridot revealed that the reason she wasn’t calling from a ship was because it had been accidentally destroyed while landing. Oh, Yellow Pearl couldn’t resist. She sidestepped back into view of Peridot and put on her best little smirk.

That’ll show her for being so incompetent, she thought. At least the Cluster would emerge soon. Just as Yellow Pearl was about to step back off to the side and resume her duties, though, the peridot started to babble again.

“You already have,” Yellow Diamond said as soon as Peridot tried to say she wouldn’t waste her time. That was a good one, Yellow Pearl thought. However, the peridot insisted on trying to suggest deactivating the Cluster. Disgust was clear in her face as Yellow Pearl listened to the ramblings. Her diamond tried again to get the peridot to just do her job. However... there was defiance.

Yellow Pearl gasped, and she looked right up to her diamond. The peridot was refusing?? How could anyone defy their diamond? It made no sense! Her diamond demanded to know if her authority was being questioned, and the answer... it shocked the pearl, honestly. Questioning her objectivity?

“Well!” Yellow Pearl started to prepare herself to go on a tirade, but she saw her diamond standing up. Immediately, she backpedalled away. What she saw next would forever be etched into her memory. Her diamond demanded that Peridot abandon Earth, let the Cluster emerge, and resume her duties to Homeworld. All that was earned in response was the peridot shrieking at Yellow Diamond that she wouldn’t let the Earth go undefended. And then...

“Apparently more than you, you clod!”

The second she saw her diamond’s anger, Yellow Pearl knew that she wouldn’t want to be Peridot 2F5L in that moment. No one angered Yellow Diamond and got away with it that easily. It also cemented one thing in Yellow Pearl’s mind. As soon as the call ended, she knew.

She hated that peridot.

#ic #Most Trusted Pearl (Yellow Pearl)#canon scene meme #aworldworthfightingfor

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minijenn · 7 years

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Drabble: “There’s nothing I can do anymore.” -Swap Pearl to the crystal twins(maybe it takes place during Earthlings.)

Idk whatnumber this is: “There’s nothing I can do anymore.”

A cry of pained defeat rushed out of the white Gem’s mouth,her head bowed low as tears rolled down her cheeks. As she sorrowfully crumbledto her knees, Peridot sneered triumphantly, even as one of the nearby injectorscrashed down between her and her opponent. Pearl hardly paid it any mind as shelet out a tight sob, wrapping her arms around herself and not even bothering tolook as the twins hurried to her side.

“Pearl!” Mabel exclaimed worriedly as she noticed just howbeaten up the forlorn white Gem was. “Are you ok?!”

Pearl simply shook her head as she sniffled pitifully,refusing to look either of her young wards in the eyes as she spoke, her gazestill lowered to the ground. “Dipper, Mabel… I-I… I can’t beat her! Every strategyI’ve tried, every attack I know… none of it even phases her! T-there’s nothingmore I can do anymore… Peridot’s right; I really am nothing more than a commonPearl…”

“That’s not true!” Dipper protested adamantly. “The onlyreason Peridot keeps saying any of that stuff is to make you feel like you’reinferior compared to her, but you’re not!”

“Yeah, so what if Peridot’s got a deadly science laser,”Mabel shrugged with a growing, encouraging smile. “You know how to sword fight,and build rockets, and do really cool backflips! If you ask us, then Peridot’sgot nothing on you!”

“B-but…” Pearl choked out a small sob as she finally lookedup to the twins somewhat incredulously. “But on Homeworld-”

“Pearl, if we were on Homeworld, then I’d apparently be astuffed-shirt aristocrat,” Dipper pointed out defiantly.

“And I’d be a dumb old bully of a soldier!” Mabel added witha rouge grin.

“But in case you haven’t noticed, we’re not on Homeworld,”Dipper continued, smiling himself as Mabel grabbed his hand boldly. “We’re onEarth. Things are different here; and it’s about time somebody taught Peridotthat, don’t you think?”

For a moment, Pearl could only look between the twins withapt surprise, unsure of what to make of their encouraging words. However, herdisbelief only lasted for a moment before she let out a small, still somewhattearful laugh, grinning at her two wards with the upmost gratitude and pride. “Howdid you two get so smart?”

“We learned from the best,” Mabel remarked with a warm smile.

Pearl laughed again at this and, unable to contain hermotherly affection for the twins any longer, she pulled them both into a tight,welcome embrace. And, the moment she did, a radiant light suddenly shot outfrom the trio, obscuring them entirely and blowing the injector back severalfeet by the sheer force of it alone. Peridot gasped as she tore through themachine with her laser, keeping it from hitting her entirely as she glaredtowards the source of this unknown light. Steven, Connie, and Lapis all gaspedas they watched on, noticing a tall silhouette rising up from behind this curtainof light, one that was soon broke apart by this silhouette themselves as they triumphantlyannounced themselves.

“Goooooooood afternoon, everybody!” the new fusion exclaimedwith the smallest hint of a proper accent in their town, the light around them dissipatingas they threw their hands out in a showy manner. Their form was lithe andelegant, with pale orange skin, short, poofily curled hair, three long arms andthree bright eyes. Their outfit was akin to that of a magician’s, with a shortblack vest, petite, simple skirt, perfectly tied orange bow, and even a short,small, start-adorned top hat. Altogether, they carried an air of grace andshowman’s ship, one that shined through their wide, eager, excitable grin andtheir boldly confident body language. “Oh, or at least I think its afternoon.It’s so hard to tell with these dull, drab Kindergarten skies. It’s certainlyfar from the kind of flattering lighting a magnificent fusion like me deserves!”

“Whoa!” Steven gasped, grabbing Connie’s shoulder and shaking her excitedly asthey took the sight of the bombastic, three armed, three-eyed fusion in. “Noway! Pearl, Dipper, and Mabel fused!”

“I can see that, Steven,” Connie chuckled, quite amazed at thesight of the fusion herself. Peridot, on the other hand, was nowhere near asamused.

“W-wha—what in the name of the Diamonds are you supposed to be?!” the green Gemgrowled, keeping her laser poised as the elegant fusion towered over her.

“Who am I?” the fusion repeated with a thoughtful smile. “Wonderfulquestion, darling! Perhaps Pearl would know?” They paused, the gemstones ontheir palms glowing as matching gauntlets formed over them.

“Augh! Who cares?! No matter who you are, I’m still going totake you out like the clod you are!” Peridot shouted, charging her laser up fora devastating attack.

“Well…” the fusion largely ignored her as the stone on theirhead glowed, Pearl’s spear flying up out of it. “I do believe that a Ruby…” Asthe spear fell down between their clenched gauntlets, they punched themtogether, forming an entirely new weapon, a hammer. “A Sapphire…” The fusiontossed their massive hammer up into the air, spinning gracefully themselves asit spun back down towards them. “And a Pearl all come together to create thegraceful, intelligent, spectacular,one and only…” They paused, a wide, daring grin spreading across their featuresas they caught their hammer and swing it at the blast from Peridot’s lasersquarely, knocking it back at the green Gem as though it was nothing at all asthey finally proclaimed their name. “Sardonyx!”

(Fuccccckkkk yesss Swap Sardonyx!!!!! I already knew what angle you wanted me to take this in the moment I got this prompt and I just could NOT resist it because well??? Swap Sardonyx!!!!! Yeeeeee! I seriously need to draw them imo but for now, this works as an abridged version of what their intro would be like and I love it!!! So awesome and sweet and adorable and as Sardonyx themselves said, SPECTACULAR!)

#jen writes #universe falls #swap au #drabble prompts #dipper #mabel #pearl #sardonyx #peridot #steven #connie #and lapis in there too i guess idk

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trans-peridot · 8 years

Text

Fluorite

So I’ve been thinking about some of the Steven Universe discourse that’s been going around lately, particularly about Lauren Zuke’s comments on Lapidot. I agree with the critics that there should be more development (and conflict) between Lapis and Peridot before they could be in a well-written relationship, so I decided to write some angst. Have some fanfic (under the cut).

Also, reblogs are always appreciated!

“…and then she threw the car into the water!” Peridot broke down into boisterous laughter, met only with a thumbs up from Garnet. “Anyway, I should be getting back to the barn. Lapis is probably waiting for me.”

“Peridot,” Garnet said, “It seems like you and Lazuli care about each other very much.”

“Of course we do!” Peridot laughed again for emphasis. “We’re practically always together and getting along.”

“And you seem to trust each other as well.”

“Yeah. And?”

“Have you ever thought about fusing with her?”

Peridot coughed in surprise. “Oh my stars! Do you really think that I could do that?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“I told you, era two gems can’t fuse.”

Garnet looked to her friend knowingly. “Yes, but I also know that the most important thing in fusion is love and trust. You may be surprised how far that can get you.”

Peridot looked about ready to burst. “You’re right! I should go for it!”

—

“Hey! Hey, Lazuli!”

The barn door burst open. Peridot ran in with stars in her eyes, grinning ear to ear.

“Peridot? What is it?” Lapis was in her usual perch, watching her Canadian dramas on the second floor. “Did you get a recording of season four?”

“Better! Lapis, I’ve gotten my greatest idea yet! We should fuse!”

Lapis blushed for a moment, then frowned. “Oh. I’m sorry, Peridot. I- I can’t.”

“What do you mean? Of course you can. I’ve seen you fused before.”

Lapis looked away. “That’s exactly what I mean. Last time I fused, it wasn’t healthy. It was grounded in hate and still haunts me. I can’t just forget that in a day and fuse like nothing happened.”

“Yeah, but I’m not Jasper. You know I’m better than her. I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“I know, but–” Lapis hesitated. “This isn’t easy for me either. I wish I could move on, but I can’t right now. I’m sorry.”

“But…” Peridot’s eyes began to well up, “I love you!”

Lapis turned to face peridot again. “What was that?”

“I said I love you, Lapis.”

“How can you love me, Peridot? You hardly even know me!”

A moment of silence permeated the room.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t.” Peridot stormed out of the barn, hoping Lapis couldn’t see her crying.

—

Steven came home to find a small green person crying in his bathroom.

“Oh. Hello, Steven.” Peridot attempted a smile. “Mind if I crash here for a while?”

“Uh… okay? You don’t have to stay in the bathroom, you know.”

“Of course I do. It’s practically my second home. Third, if you count the barn, but I don’t think I can anymore.”

“Did… Something happen? You seem really down.”

“Oh, nothing much. Just that the only person who I ever thought cared about me suddenly doesn’t!” Peridot stifled another sob. “And she even kept the dog!”

“Okay, I get the feeling you don’t want to talk right now. I’ll leave you alone, and if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

“Right. Whatever, Steven.”

As Steven left the bathroom, Peridot heard the warp pad go off outside. The crystal gems were back. She heard Steven talking.

“…yeah, she’s in really rough shape. Maybe you should talk to her, Garnet.”

The door opened, and in walked Garnet.

“Well? How did it go?”

“Terrible! Lazuli refused to even try it, and now I’m homeless!”

“She did?” Garnet looked confused. “But my future vision. I saw you fusing for the first time. What went wrong?”

“Maybe your future vision isn’t all that great! It should be called clod vision! Because it only works on clods!”

“Peridot, calm down. I’m sure that this isn’t as bad as you’re making it out to be. If you’d like, I could teach you some calming meditation techniques.”

“I don’t want your muddy cruddy meditation! I want you to get out of my room!”

Amethyst poked her head in. “Hold up, Garnet. I think I got this.”

Garnet left the room, and Amethyst closed the door behind her.

“Okay, Peri, what’s wrong?”

“You know already. I wanted to fuse with Lapis, and then she said no and it hurts.”

“That’s not what I mean. I’m asking why it’s getting to you. Normally you don’t let anything bother you. What’s wrong?”

Peridot turned her eyes down. “I don’t know. It just hurts so much. I really wasn’t lying when I told her that I love her. But that didn’t seem to matter.”

“Pear, I think I see your problem. You’re stuck on the idea that Lapis is the only one who cares about you, but she’s not.”

Peridot looked up at Amethyst. “Really? Who else, then?”

Amethyst smiled. “I’ll give you a hint. She’s in this room.”

Peridot looked around, genuinely confused. “Who? The toilet?”

Amethyst’s smile soured. “Are you really this oblivious? Or are you just making fun of me again?” A tear fell from Amethyst’s eye. “I don’t have to be here, you know. You can come and find me once you stop being such a fucking clod.” Amethyst stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

“Wait! Amethyst!” Peridot looked around at her now empty room. “What did I do?”

—

Steven knocked on the door. “Come on, Peridot. It’s been three days. I get that you’re sad, but I’ve had to go to the car wash whenever I needed the bathroom.”

“I’m not coming out, Steven. Clearly nobody wants me around.”

“You need to at least tell me what happened. Lapis and Amethyst have both been worried about you.”

“Tell them that if they want to talk, they can come to me.”

Amethyst spoke up, “Okay, Peridot. Start talking.”

Peridot yelped. “Amethyst! You’re here? How long have you been listening?”

“Long enough. Come out here”

The door unlocked, and Peridot walked out, wiping tears from her face.

Steven looked at the two gems and started to walk away. “I’ll tell Lapis that you’re out.”

Amethyst smiled sadly. “That’s better. Peri, I’m sorry I got so mad. I just… I couldn’t say it and I wanted you to say it for me.”

“Say what? I still don’t get what you want.”

Amethyst hesitated.

“What?” Peridot asked again. “What is it that’s so important to tell me?”

Amethyst looked into Peridot’s eyes. “This.” She slung her arms around Peridot’s shoulders and pulled her in.

Peridot was blushing like crazy. “Oh. I get it now. Wow, thanks.” She leaned to kiss Amethyst.

“Come here, you.” Amethyst took Peridot by her hands and began to rock back and forth.

“Amethyst, are you trying to–”

Before she could finish her sentence, the room filled up with light. Standing there afterwards was someone completely different.

“You– we– I did it. This is… This is amazing.”

She was curvy, about as tall as Garnet, and covered in green and purple patches. Her hair was up in a tidy braid that frayed at the end. She only had two arms and two legs, but she had a pair of green eyes above her purple ones. On top of her jumpsuit she wore a tanktop and on her feet were a pair of tall boots.

“Sure, we’re… I’m a bit rough around the edges, but look at us! It’s perfect. Let’s find Garnet.” The fusion cracked a smile. “She’s gotta be the first to know that Fluorite is in town.”

Just as Fluorite was starting to work her new legs, she heard Lapis outside. “Peridot! Peridot, are you still in there?” Lapis pushed open the door. “Peridot, you were right. If you still want to, I’d love to fuse–” She stopped in her tracks. “Hold on. Who are you?”

“Lapis?” Fluorite snapped in half, leaving Amethyst and Peridot on the ground next to each other.

“Lapis!” Peridot got to her feet. “Lapis, I know this might look bad, but I can explain.”

“No, you don’t have to explain anything. I’m leaving.” Lapis sprouted her wings and was gone.

“Lapis,” Peridot said to nobody but herself, “come back.”

—

Roll credits, listen to the tears of the audience, profit.

Next chapter

#originally i was going to name the fusion tourmaline #then i found a dark and edgy™ fanfic of the same name #anyway if people like this there might be a part two #thanks for reading #steven universe #amedot #lapidot #su fanfic #fluorite #amethyst #peridot #lapis

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defectivecat57-blog · 8 years

Text

Peridot Fanfiction

Peridot grunted. Please… go away…. Her eyes watered as she tried to concentrate. Her hand flexed and finally it returned its normal shape.

“Peri? Everything okay?” Lapis called into the barn, “You’re missing Pining Hearts….”

“Y-yeah, I… I wanted to look for something, but I can’t find it. I’ll be up in a minute.” Peridot checked herself, and her body one more time. She then joined Lapis in their spot for watching TV. She could hardly focus on the episode her thoughts worried about her situation.

It’s been getting worse… I’m… I’m corrupted. Peridot bit her lip. She felt her eyes well up again.

She couldn’t pinpoint when exactly it started. It started out as a small spot on her arm that slowly began to grow. The larger the darker spot grew, the more she covered her arm with a wrapping, not wanting to worry Lapis Lazuli. Peridot looked to her barn-mate. Peridot felt warmth rise to her cheeks as she looked away. The dimunitive gem had grown to admire Lapis. Given everything that Lapis had suffered through, she appeared to have minimal damage. At least physically. Lapis remained emotionally segregated. Slowly she was opening up to Peridot, on Lapis’s terms.

Peridot respected that. She knew better than to push Lapis’ buttons.

The two gems retired after their several episodes of Camp Pining Hearts. Lapis had taken to sleeping. It seemed to help Lapis in her recovery. Once Peridot knew Lapis was asleep, she also bedded down. Lapis opting to sleep in a hammock.

Peridot never mastered getting into the hammock. She gave up after falling out worse and worse each time. Lapis even tried to help by tying Peridot into the hammock. Peridot determined it was an unsuitable method of sleeping. She gathered a bunch of hay on the other end of the barn and curled up there.

N-….Not again…. Peridot thought. She hissed and gripped her arms as thoughts started to cloud her normally logical mind. The thoughts didn’t make any sense. Peridot thrashed about, it felt like the temperature was rising. She hissed in pain and rolled off her pile of hay.

“S-stability… sh-shaky…..” She clenched her fists. “O-outside….” She scrabbled clumsily out of the barn. Things got hazy after that.

“P…Peridot?”

Peridot groaned and rolled over… and right out of the tree and onto the ground, face first. Peridot hissed and rubbed her nose.

“WHAT?!” She growled loudly. “What, what what what?!”

She then realized that she completely yelled at Lapis. Peridot whimpered and curled herself up as small as possible, drawing her knees up to her chest.

“Peridot, what’s wrong, what happened?” Lapis knelt beside the green gem.

Peridot and looked away and muttered something along the lines of “nothing.”

Lapis rose an eyebrow to her. Peridot sighed as she pushed herself to stand and head towards the barn in silence.

Lapis caught up to her again inside the barn, watching Peridot fiddle with her tablet. Lapis took a few moments, but then decided to leave the gem alone.

Peridot grumbled as she heard Lapis leave her area. Peridot flopped over and curled up tightly, scratching at her arm lightly.

It was unlike Peridot to not be bopping around the barn and making a mess of one thing only to make a meep-morp of another. Lapis rubbed her chin as she thought more.

The sun set on another awkward day of mostly silence. Peridot kept herself unmoving and relatively entertained with her tablet. Lapis finally retired into her hammock with Pumpkin in her arms, “Good night Peridot.”

Peridot winced, she could hear the disappointment in her voice. She didn’t return the affection though, which hurt her chest. It felt tight as she waited for another hour or so, to ensure that Lapis was asleep. Peridot sat up and unwrapped her arm and checked the corruption. It’s spreading more… She ran her other hand and then gasped, another splotch of darker green corruption was now on the other arm. The green gem felt her eyes water.

Lapis awoke to the familiar sound of paint cans clattering. She sat upright immediately to find Peridot’s treasured paint cans shuffling. Pumpkin was still awake in her lap so it wasn’t the pet fruit. Peridot poked her head out. “Morning!” She said with a wide smile.

Though as she climbed out there was a new article of clothing on her. A long sleeved flannel shirt in a blue-plaid pattern.

Lapis blinked at the new addition, but Peridot seemed to be back to normal. Peridot grabbed a few cans and seemed to start to work, which was making her meep-morps or some sort of crazy gadget to show off.

Things seemed to be back to normal as the two puttered around the garden, the barn all day. As the sun began to set, they settled into their routine of watching a few episodes of Camp Pining Hearts.

The two were only into their second episode when Lapis heard something rare, it was Peridot’s soft snoring. It was highly unusual for Peridot to fall asleep during Camp Pining Hearts. Lapis shut the TV off and gathered her up into her arms and brought her into the hammock. Lapis cradled the smaller woman and laid down to sleep.

Peri slowly opened her eyes. Things were blurry at first, but she slowly stirred. She quickly realized as things moved, she was somehow in the hammock, and that Lapis’ arm was around her. Lapis still seemed to be asleep. Peri began to panic, looking down that her shirt was still on her. The more she stirred, the more the hammock began to rock to and fro. Pumpkin awoke then and started barking which only added to Peri’s panic. Lapis slowly began to open her eyes and see the cluster of motion going on.

The hammock overturned. Peri landed on her face, and Pumpkin on top of her. Lapis instinctively outstretched her wings and landed more gracefully beside Peridot.

“Peridot! Are you okay?” Lapis helped the other up.

“Yeah….” She rubbed her face and then gasped as her shoulder was exposed, with dark bands of corruption showing. She grabbed the shirt and quickly pulled it over her.

“…Peridot, what is going on with you?” Lapis grabbed the woman firmly.

Peridot refused to meet her gaze. “Nothing.”

Lapis shook her. “You’re lying to me. What is going on with you?” She moved to try and tug the shirt up and over Peri’s head. The smaller gem immediately fought back. She whapped Lapis in the face with her small hands. She stopped as something else seemed to take hold of her. Peridot hissed loudly.

Lapis stopped. That wasn’t a normal Peridot hiss. She stopped what she was doing. Peri’s normal hisses where more in annoyance, and less than threatening, this sounded like something else.

Lapis took a few steps back.

Peridot then realized what happened and clapped her hand over her mouth. She turned and ran out of the barn on all fours as she was known to do.

Something was driving her further and further away. Lapis flew after her, but the petite gem was rather agile even when she got into the underbrush. Lapis lost sight of her easily. Lapis growled and turned back to the barn. She looked around and found Peridot’s tablet.

She struggled but finally placed a call online call. Connie answered to her surprise.

“Lapis! What’s up?”

“I think something is wrong with Peridot. We need Steven’s help…”

Peridot lifted her head as she heard familiar voices. The Gems…. I can’t let them see me like this…. She continued through the brush, though the rustling of the leaves drew them closer to her . Peridot ran out of forest to duck into, she had popped out the other side, and was met with Pearl.

“Peridot!” The tall gem dove to grab her. Peridot leapfrogged over Pearl and still looked for cover. She was then wrapped up and entangled in Amethyst’s whip. She writhed about. Her entire being shook and tingled. The green gem hissed again.

“Whoa… P-dot, calm down.” Amethyst approached.

“No! Let me go! Y-y-you CLOD!” Peri hadn’t used that insult in some time.

“You’re the one acting like a clod!” Lapis landed beside the growing group. Garnet bringing up the rear, carrying Steven with her.

Peridor wriggled herself free of the whip. Her body slowly changing, getting larger and scales starting to take shape on her arms and shoulders. Peridot grabbed the whip and hissed. She snapped it in the other direction and flinging Amethyst.

“Peridot no!” Steven cried. He had seen corruption before, images of Jasper haunted his mind. “Let us help you!”

Steven’s voice seemed to snap Peridot out of her anger. She looked down to her clawed hands and the spreading scales. She whimpered and covered her face. Her body now about as tall as Lapis. Instinctively, Peridot curled up again.

“P-Peridot….” Lapis looked over her barn-mate. Shocked at all the changes, she had never seen corruption first hand. She was worried and moved closer.

“Lapis, be careful…” Pearl warned.

“It’s okay…” She knealt beside Peridot, wrapping an arm around her and resting a hand on a green, scaled shoulder. “Steven, can you… can you fix her?”

Adding more later. Enjoy.

#Peridot #corrupted peridot #corruption #fanfiction #fanfic #steven universe

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andrewmoocow · 7 years

Text

Clod on the Run chapter 1: Mrs. Blue Di (originally posted on May 5, 2017)

“So you have some kind of history with these rocks?”

A group of five individuals were being escorted through a hallway by two hulking purple females. The first of these was a human man dressed like he's a space cowboy. This was Peter Quill aka Star-Lord. Along with him was a green-skinned woman named Gamora, the most dangerous woman in the galaxy, another male who's body was covered in tattoos called Drax the Destroyer, the raccoon-like mercenary Rocket and his giant tree accomplice Groot. Together, they formed the Guardians of the Galaxy. Their spaceship the Milano had crash-landed on a space station when they were found by the guards.

“Well you see,” Rocket said sweating. “The Collector wanted me to find a couple of Rose Quartz gems for his museum so I took some from this spaceport which these people call a human zoo.”

Drax, not understanding some things as always, was confused. “Didn't Peter say that zoos are where humans look at animals, not BE animals?” he asked. “No no no Drax, yeh got it all along.” The furry bounty hunter corrected. “This zoo is where humans are kept to 'preserve the legacy of Earth' or some krutacking garbage like that.”

As the five were led to a door guarded by a blue woman wearing white boots and her hair in buns, Groot looked over his buddy. “I am Groot?” he asked. “What, I'm not sweating in fear guys!” Rocket claimed, trying to lie about the situation. “It's just that these Gems were after my furry little head and want nothing more than the extermination of all organic life forms!” The furball got more sweaty as he fell to the floor. “Groot's right Rocket, you seem pretty afraid of them.” Gamora said, kneeling down to Rocket's eye level. “I am Groot.” the tree agreed.

“Hey guys, is it me or does Smurfette here look like that lady from The Music Man?” Star-Lord asked pointing to the guard. “Let me see, what was her name again?” he started wondering to himself, pacing around in a circle. The guard started getting tired of the man's talking. “Oh I know now, Marian the Librarian!” he finally realized but just then, he was grabbed by the two purple giants. “I've had enough of this one. Amethysts, take him to the human zoo!” the blue Gem finally said. “Yes Holly Blue Agate!” the Amethysts replied saluting her.

“Hold it right there Holly!” Rocket stated, getting up and dusting himself off. “The human's with us.” The Amethysts put Peter down as Holly Blue Agate glared at Rocket. “Oh goody, you again.” she grumbled. “Right this way now.” As she took over leading the Guardians, she turned towards the Amethysts and said “Now get back to your post.”

The Guardians were led into a large pink room by Holly Blue Agate filled with Rose Quartz gems in bubbles. At the center of the room was a large blue figure with white hair and a blue cloak examining the bubbles. By the giant's side was a petite lass with a pointy nose and blue hair covering her eye. “Who's the titan there?” Drax asked pointing to the giant woman “That's Blue Diamond, pretty much the only one of these weirdos that I can respect because she doesn't want me dead.” Rocket answered. “And the little one is her Pearl.” he added.

“My Diamond, we have visitors.” Holly Blue Agate addressed her superior. “Including that mangy cur.” Rocket was angered by her snide comment and pointed a blaster at her. “YOU TAKE THAT BACK!” Just as he was about to shoot, Blue Diamond stopped him. “Please put your weapon down Rocket.” she quietly ordered. The raccoon could only groan as he put it away.

“So, you must be Blue Diamond.” Peter said trying to look tough. “Yes, and you are human?” she asked. “My name,” the human replied. “Is Star-Lord.” Complete silence filled the room before Blue Pearl broke it. “Who?”

Star-Lord got exasperated about how there are still people who don't know his name. “Star-Lord man! Legendary outlaw, leader of a lovable group of misfits?” He face-palmed as another figure entered the room. She looked a lot like Blue Diamond, except she was yellow, had more angular eyes and hair points. Like her fellow diamond, she also had a Pearl.

“I see that dreadful Rocket and his guardians have come to visit.” The yellow one said with a bit of a sarcastic tone in her voice. “Aw come on, I'm the leader here!” Star-Lord shouted. “And it seems the human zoo forgot one.” her Pearl added with a smug grin. “That one is Yellow Diamond, pretty much the second in command of the Great Diamond Authority.” Rocket said to Gamora pointing to Yellow Diamond.

“So if there are three Diamonds leading the Gems and the symbol has four, what happened to the fourth one?” The green warrior asked. “It's a long story, but let's say she's the reason all these bubbles are here.”

“So anyway,” Yellow Diamond began as she set her Pearl down. “We've heard that you've been offering your services for good prices lately.” Rocket's ears began to perk up. “Why yes we have!” he said excitedly. If there's anything Rocket loved as much as Groot, weapons and flying, it was money. “So what'll it be?” Peter asked. “Search and rescue, protect something precious to your people?” Rocket started to rub his hands greedily as Groot put on a worried expression.

“How about capture?” Yellow Diamond said. “Who would you want us to capture?” Drax asked. “Pearl,” Yellow Diamond ordered. “Bring up the wanted list.”

“Yes my Diamond.” Yellow Pearl immediately obliged as she brought up a hologram of various wanted criminals and started scrolling through them. Among them were a human-like Gem about Drax's height with thick pink hair & a white dress with a star-shaped hole exposing her gem, a smaller Gem with green skin, triangular hair & a green gem on her forehead and an angry Rocket with his middle finger censored.

“Ah, that's the one.” Yellow Pearl finally said. She picked out the second poster and handed it to Rocket. “Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut 5XG.” he read aloud. “Why do you want us to capture this one” Drax asked looking over the critter's shoulder. “It is too small and innocent to be a threat.”

“Why it's simple really.” Yellow Diamond said, getting angrier as she spoke. “She flat out betrayed me, refused to give me information on the Cluster AND CALLED ME A CLOD!!!” All the Guardians quivered in fear of the yellow giant until her blue comrade was able to calm her down.”Temper Yellow, temper.” she said as she put her hands on her sister's shoulders. Yellow was able to calm down before turning to the Guardians. “So how many units are we talkin' here?” Rocket asked handing the hologram back to Yellow Pearl. “1,969, 2,008?”

“How about 5,000?” Yellow Diamond said. Rocket was immediately awestruck by the price. “It's a deal!” he exclaimed. “C'mon gang, we gotta midget to catch!” As he marched towards the door, he noticed someone was missing. “Hey anyone seen Quill?” The other Guardians pointed towards their leader dancing to music on his Walkman with Blue Pearl watching.

“So what did you say this music was called?” The Gem asked. “It's called I Want You Back by the Jackson 5.” Peter answered. “Want a listen?” Just then, Rocket started tugging his leg like a little child. “C'mon Pete, we got a midget to catch. The raccoon said. “Well looks like we gotta go.” Peter said to Blue Pearl as he turned towards the two Diamonds. “Thanks for having us over girls!”

“Likewise human.” Yellow Diamond groaned. “And by the way, you'll find your vessel repaired.” Holly Blue Agate began to lead the Guardians back to the port when Star-Lord turned towards Blue Pearl and said “Call me.”

“Alright gang. Riches beyond our wildest dreams here we come!” Rocket shouted as they boarded the Milano. As estatic as he was, the rest of the team were a bit unsure. “I don't know Rocket.” Gamora said. “You told us about how the Diamonds can make enemies rather quickly and it clearly shows when Yellow Diamond got angry talking about that Peridot.” Groot agreed with her. “I am Groot.”

“So what if we might die if we fail? At least we're still going on another crazy adventure!” Rocket exclaimed. “Okay, I've been looking through the information Holly Blue Agate gave us and it said our target is currently on Earth.” Star-Lord stated. “A new job where we go back to my old stomping grounds? Neat!”

“Since when was stomping on the ground involved?” Drax asked. “It's a way of saying familiar territory Drax.” the human corrected. “Now then, Earth here we come!” And so, the Guardians blasted off towards Earth where their reward would be waiting.

#guardians of the galaxy #steven universe #fanfiction #crossover #clod on the run #star-lord #gamora #drax the destroyer #rocket raccoon #groot #yellow diamond #blue diamond #yellow pearl #blue pearl #holly blue agate

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sweetrollcee-blog · 7 years

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A Progressive SU FanFic, PT. 8: A Distant Reunion

As David and Peridot were happily gazing at each other in regards to their successful-ish negotiation with a giggle, Carnelian interrupted the moment with the question thet weighed on everyone's mind: "So if 8XM is busy, how long will we have to wait to talk to her?", she asks 8XF, David, and Peridot at the same time. No party knowing for sure, they all just shrugged and shared glances. "Well someone is going to have to either periodically check, or just wait for whenever they get back.", observed Peridot, as the focal point became David above all the Gems. "So, you want ME to warp back, then? I'll do it, but how do I? And when do I come back if no one shows up?", David asked 8XF, a little frantic and flustered. He had a lot of answers for them, but not all of them. Peridot interjected, taking him by the hand and walking him toward the warp while saying, "Just imagine the warp at the temple and you'll practically be there. As for when you should come back", she paused and looked at the sky, "Sunrise should be the correct waiting time". As David stepped on the warp to return to the temple, he shyly looked at his hand still being held by Peridot. She realizes this, withdraws her hands behind her back with a HUGE blush and says, "I hope you return before Sun Up... For the sake of these negotiations.", she said in a synthesized tone of professionalism to hide her... 'Human' feeling over David. She knew this had trouble written all over it, as David looked down at the warp, trying to replicate Peridot's Diamond salute, closing his eyes and whispering "Home.." to himself, the column of light took him away. After Peridot sighed, Carnelian came up to tease at her, "Haha, way to hold his hand! Classic, suhubthuhulehahahHAHAHA!!", she guffawed while throwing her arm around the shoulders of an equal height Peridot. "I ONLY held his hand to lead him back to the warp pad! Besides, what would YOU know of human realationships anyway!?", Peridot responded with embarrassment. Unfazed, Carnelian responds: "We watch cameras placed in the zoo all the time. We watch their 'Choosenings' when they get all cute and hold each others' hand. Is he why you defected, then? You wanted to spend his life with him instead of destroying his planet, because you like him.", "I DON'T LIKE HIM YOU CLOD!!", a livid Peridot announced stamping her feet for an added emphysis. "I stayed on this Earth for other reasons. I didn't even KNOW David before a few hours ago, he's not why I'm here... I", she began to stammer, searching for words to illustrate that David had a plutonic place in her life, even though she felt that might not be the case. "If you've only known him for a few hours, why do you trust him enough to go look for 8XM?", asked 8XF gazing down at Peridot with an unspoken frustration. "Uhhmmmm, well...", said Peridot, putting up an index finger to explain. David settled into the bottom of the light column at the house's warp, in time to see Greg embracing a dark haired kid in a red shirt. David's eyes went from releltively tired and half-moon to open 120% at the sight of the Crystal Gems, Greg, Connie, and Steven all gazing back at him. Waiting for no invitation, not even a word to be said, David rushed in to hug both Greg and Steven at the same time. "Steven I'm your brother! My name is David, I'm so happy to finally meet you! I'm so happy you're ok! How was homeworld? Oh, man have I got something for you to see, Steve-O! I LOVE YOU BUDDY, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HOME!", David shouted as he lost control and let the tears all start going. Steven hugs back and then asks in amazement, "I have a brother?!", as he asks the same question to Greg a second time with honest curiosity of why he didn't know of David far earlier. "I've only been here a day so far", chimed in David, "But I really love it here! I would have communicated earlier but... I just had to get out of where I was. And now I've had more of a good time in one day than I have in 5 years!", he said, finally receding from his hug to let his father and brother breath easier. "I was worried, same as everyone else that you might not come back. But I also had a weird dream, that I think Lion gave to me, and it came true! In one sense, but... Everybody, come with me to the Prime Kindergarten! Especially you, Amethyst 8XM!", David said pointing at Amethyest eagarly while jogging back to the warp pad. Greg looks back in hesitation, "I don't know big Schtew-ball, Steven just got back, and..." "Dad! I have a Brother! Lion showed him something and now he has a gift for me! If it's anything that can help get...", Steven turns from Greg and David to the Gems, "Lars is stuck on homeworld, and it's going to be really hard to get him back because he can't come through the same way I did, which is through his own head like Lion's mane. He's with a group of Off-Color Gems, but they refused to leave him behind alone. We need whatever can help to get them back!", he stated as he turned back to Greg. "Ok, little Schtew-ball, let's go see what big brother got you...", Greg commented weakly. As they all strode toward the warp, a firm hand rested on David's shoulder warning him to stop. He knew it was Pearl's hand, and he complyed. "Wait everybody!", Pearl shouted to everyone getting on the warp, "I don't know why you all trust this... Newcomer human that may or may not be family! He could be leading you into a trap! Especially after I explicitly ORDERED you to stay at the barn with Lapis!", Pearl screeched. Amethyst snapped, "ALRIGHT, P, ALL IT'S BEEN IS PLAYIN CLUES WITH POOR DAVID SINCE HE GOT HERE!!! WHAT'S YOUR BEEF, SERIOUSLY? HE COMES ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO HELP OUT AND MEET HIS DAD AND BROTHER AND ALL YOU DO IS HATE HIM FOR IT!!", Amethyst screamed at Pearl with her finger in the tall gem's face, tearing up with anger. "I just..." "Enough", Garnet gently interrupted Pearl's unprepared rebuttal, "Everyone stay here except Greg and Connie, you two should go and sleep. We'll need sharp and rested minds for tomorrow.", Garnet concluded with a weary smile. "Come on Connie, let's get you home to your folks!", said Greg. As Connie was out of the door, he turned and said, "I'm coming back to see Steven, though", he said quietly enough for Connie not to hear, but firmly enough for the Gems to know he meant law. "Fair enough", Garnet grinned with a thumbs up. As Greg filed out, Garnet addressed the remainder of the room, "Pearl, Amethyst and Steven stay here. If you distrust him, it won't be long after seeing what's at the Prime Kindergarten before I distrust him or not.", Garnet said to a now very guilty looking and feeling Pearl. She set her hand on David's shoulder, gentler than Pearl and led him to the warp with a smile. "I think I know what Steven's present is!", she excitedly whispered to David as they walked toward the warp. "I wanna come with, though!", Amethyst says running back behind them far happier and more curious than her rant. "But it's MY present!", Steven reasoned, "I NEED to see it!", "Yeah, but he said that I need to be there", Amethyst bragged. As David, Amethyst, and Steven stared down Garnet with puppydog eyes, she folded in a couple seconds. "Oh alright!", She announced, "With Amethyst and Myself, there shouldn't be anything dangerous enough one human planned in little over a day.", Garnet said to Pearl to assuage her worries of a trap of any kind. "Then let me accompany you, please? What would it hurt?", Pearl pleaded quietly as she held back tears of sincere concern for a newly safe Steven. Garnet turned her gaze, "That's up to David at this point", she said. David stepped off the warp looking down, and walked over to Pearl. After a moment he extended his hand to her, "I'd still love for you to come see what I got put together for Steven!", he says to Pearl with a large smile. She finally smiles back, takes his hand and they make a happy dash to the warp. David looks all around him as the light column of the warp takes them away to the Prime Kindergarten, he couldn't hold his tears, it was just not possible. He was set on every side by such truly loving family no matter how long they've really known each other, his baby brother was ok, he was SO HAPPY. He reached out to Pearl and gave her a hug, "Thank you for finally trusting me. It means a lot!", he said looking up at her, while she nodded and smiled down at him with an earnest appreciation for his forgiveness.

#steven universe #greg universe #david universe #amethyst su #pearl su #garnet su #peridot su #famethyst su

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seerofbread · 7 years

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Lapis and Peridot (for the ask meme)

OTP ask meme about kitchen habits

Who washes the dishes by hand and who uses the dishwasher? Peridot uses the dishwasher (she made it herself) Lapis washes dishes by hand (the hand is made of water)

Who cuts vegetables, fruit, etc by hand and who uses the easy to use chopper? Peridot uses the chopper, Lapis would rather buy it pre-chopped

Who pours the cereal into the bowl first and who pours milk before the cereal? Lapis pours the milk first, and Peridot tries to one up her with the “milk cereal spoon THEN bowl” joke

Who buys/drinks bottle water and who uses/drinks from the tap? They both refuse to pay for water, ever, when it is RIGHT THERE OUTSIDE

Who hoards disposable containers and who throws them away? They both hoard, but Lapis occasionally throws them out and Peridot gets mad because she had PLANS FOR THOSE

Who buys milk in a paper carton and who buys it in a plastic jug? They probably both buy it in plastic

Who picks paper bags and who picks plastic bags after grocery shopping? When Peridot starts hearing about the paper or plastic debate, she brings canvas bags, and cries when someone asks. “I didn’t save the Earth just so you CLODS would clog it up!” Lapis shrugs and gets plastic because she needs more of those.

Who HOARDS the plastic bags and who recycles them? Peridot hoards them closer, but in the end, neither of them actually uses them all that often.

Who hoards salt/pepper packs, togo silverware and other togo condiments? They both hoard plasticware (“for a future morp project”) and Peridot hoards the condiments because she refuses to buy her own

Who lets the garbage can overflow before throwing it out? Both of them. I’m not sure either of them has actually removed the trash from the can before. Steven probably gets horrified and takes it out, and Peridot isn’t sure that their can isn’t magical.

Who gets annoyed when someone doesn’t use the clips for the potato chips? Lapis gets annoyed because it ruins the flavor. “What flavor?” Peridot says, her mouth full of stale chips. “They’re all crunch, and this way they’re even crunchier.” She opens new bags as soon as she gets home so they will get stale sooner.

Who uses paper plates? Peridot is opposed to paper plates. Lapis loves them. It’s a struggle.

Who uses coasters? Lapis keeps using unsuccessful meep-morps as coasters and Peridot HATES it

Who licks the spoon/butter knife after they use it? Both of them. I’m pretty sure they don’t have germs or maybe even the enzymes humans have in spit? So it’s not really a big deal.

Who loses the bread ties? Lapis thinks she does, but it’s because Peridot keeps stealing them. Lapis uses the chip clips instead so at least SOMETHING won’t go stale.

Who kicks the ice under the fridge when it falls on the ground? Peridot. When Lapis is feeling cheeky, she pulls it back out from under. It’s like soccer but the ball is also the goalie.

Who constantly cuts/burns themselves when they cook? Neither of them. Cooking is like the one thing Peridot can consistently do without tripping or slipping up because she’s never done it with her limb enhancers so the muscle memory(?) is actually accurate for once

Who organizes the spice rack? Neither of them, but Lapis is the one who gets annoyed if suddenly isn’t in the order she thought it was. (Also, it’s 80% pile of salt and pepper packets.)

Who uses the microwave more? Lapis. She doesn’t actually like to cook.

Who stops the microwave one second before time's up? Lapis and it ALWAYS makes Peridot lose her SHIT

#ask memed #Anonymous

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defectivecat57-blog · 8 years

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Peridot fanfiction

Peridot is corrupted.... (I suck at summaries)

Peridot grunted. Please… go away…. Her eyes watered as she tried to concentrate. Her hand flexed and finally it returned its normal shape.

“Peri? Everything okay?” Lapis called into the barn, “You’re missing Pining Hearts….”

It’s been getting worse… I’m… I’m corrupted. Peridot bit her lip. She felt her eyes well up again.

Peridot respected that. She knew better than to push Lapis’ buttons.

“S-stability… sh-shaky…..” She clenched her fists. “O-outside….” She scrabbled clumsily out of the barn. Things got hazy after that.

Xxxxxxx