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auduna-druitt · 7 years

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Don’t Let Me Down

Fandom: Star Trek AOS

Pairing: McKirk

Word Count: 2482

Rating: Teen

Beta’d: @outside-the-government

Perma tags: @feelmyroarrrr, @wonders-of-the-multiverse, @pinkamour1588, @goodnightwife, @ryon1101archive, @captainsbabysitter-blog, @medicatemedrmccoy, @mrkrychek, @southernbellestatues, @goingknowherewastaken, @emmkolenn, @landlockedastronaut, @eyeofdionysus, @bookcaseninja, @haveyouseenmymind @revengeofthespacenerd, @yallneedtrek

McKirk: @pinkamour1588, @yourtropegirl, @medicatemedrmccoy, @imoutofmyvulcanmind, @frostingsfics, @nasanatmfers, @lurkch, @a-legion-of-benedicts, @illogical-potato, @future-kat-lady, @eyeofdionysus

Opening his eyes Jim looked up at the darkening purplish skies of the planet. Not Earth. Not home. What was the name of the planet? Spock had told him. It had been in the report. It started with an A… He shifted his leg and had to bite his lip to keep from screaming. It had to be broken. Bones would be able to fix him up soon enough though. He carefully reached for the comm on his belt only to find it gone.

“Fuck!”

It must’ve fallen off when he fell…

He fell. The memory came back to him suddenly. Three security crewmen had been with him. They’d been running from...a monster? Some native animal they’d managed to piss off somehow. He’d heard a phaser blast and one of the crewmen yell. He’d turned to look as he ran and had tripped and fallen down the side of the rocky hill. Taking a slow steadying breath he carefully tried moving his arms. Nothing seemed to be broken there.

Sitting up carefully he could just hear Leonard screaming at him not to move. He smiled and laughed...laughing hurt. Running a hand along his ribs on one side he winced. Broken. Maybe just cracked not that it made much difference. It still hurt like hell.

Looking back up at the sky he groaned. The sky was even darker than before. A storm was rolling in. Glancing around the area for any kind of shelter he spotted a small cave a few meters away. Crawl? Try to walk? Or was there another option?

Sighing he shifted onto his good leg and pulled himself up on a boulder. Once he was upright a wave of dizziness hit him and he reached a hand up to his head. Wet...blood...He’d hit his head too. Bones was gonna have a field day with him once he was back on the ship. Waiting a few moments for the dizziness to pass he started toward the little cave dragging his injured leg and trying not to breathe too deep.

He made it into the shelter just in time for the storm to hit. The wind was picking up and the storm was coming in fast, there was no way the Enterprise would be able to find him until it passed. He could only hope and pray that the storm passed quickly.

“What do you mean you can’t find him?! Track his comm!”

Uhura shook her head, “Leonard we’ve tried...He’s not answering and we can’t track him if he doesn’t answer.”

“What about the others? Is no one answering?”

“The last we heard from them they were being chased by something. We couldn’t lock onto their signals and there’s a storm rolling into the area.”

Leonard scrubbed a hand over his face. “Is there any good news?”

The others all looked to Spock who just shook his head. “I’m afraid not.”

“How long before we can go down there?”

Chekov turned in his seat to face the doctor, “The storm could last for hours…”

“So we just leave him down there and do nothing?”

The bridge was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. When no one answered the question Leonard turned and walked to the turbo lift. “Call me when one of you has an idea on how to save Jim.”

Hitting the button for deck five he leaned back against the wall and shut his eyes. He couldn’t leave Jim down there for god knows how long. He had to get him back. He needed to get him back. He wasn’t going to lose him...not like this. Storming into the medbay he went straight into his office and grabbed his medkit, ensuring it was properly stocked with anything he might need he grabbed it and his tricorder and headed back toward the door.

“Chris tell M’Benga I’m making a house call. He’s in charge ‘til I get back.”

Christine nodded and watched him walk out the door.

Heading back to his quarters he quickly changed into his survival suit before heading off to the transporter room. Passing a handful of crewmen on his way he walked right in and up onto the pad. “Beam me down to the team’s last known coordinates.”

The transporter technician looked up at him and opened his mouth to say something but Leonard stopped him with a glare. “Do it.” He said more firmly.

“Aye sir.”

As much as Leonard hated the transporters he loved that idiot that was lost on the planet below and he would do anything to find him and bring him back.

Watching the rain fall outside the mouth of the cave Jim leaned back against the stone wall and tried to get in a position that didn’t hurt. Everything hurt though. His head, his ribs, his leg, his whole body ached. Bones was going to be pissed. Giving up on comfort he settled in and leaned his head back. “As much as I hate to admit this Bones was right. I should have stayed on the ship.”

A sudden noise came from deeper in the cave. A sort of growling sound. A very unwelcome sound. No Comm. No phaser. Broken leg. His mind was spinning out of control there was nothing he could do but hope it was over quickly. Squeezing his eyes sit he tried not to listen to the sound of the creature getting closer and closer but he just couldn’t drown it out.

He felt the hot breath of the animal on the side of his face. The smell of what he could only assume was the creatures last meal on its breath. The sound of large feet on the hard rocky cave bottom. He whimpered involuntarily as tears streamed down his cheeks.

What would happen to Leonard with him gone? He’d promised him that he would be back for dinner. He’d promised he’d be careful. He’d promised Joanna he’d see her for the holidays. He’d promised his mother he would sit down for a long overdue talk with her...

Something large and wet pressed against his cheek and he tensed up preparing for the worst. It sniffed him, then moved away slightly and sneezed. Jim opened one eye cautiously and looked at the creature. It sat back on its hind legs and cocked its head at him. He sat frozen in place as the creature looked him over before stepping closer again.

Flattening himself back against the wall as much as he could the animal stepped right up to him and licked his face. “If you’re going to eat me just do it already…”

The creature stared at him and then bent it’s head to nudge his hand with its nose.

“You want me to pet you? Are you some kind of dog or something?” He asked slowly raising his hand and settling it on the creatures head.

It made a deep rumbling purring sound and laid down beside him with its head resting on his thigh. He sighed and relaxed as the creature drifted off to sleep. “That actually sounds like a great idea. I should sleep…”

In a matter of minutes he had also drifted off with his hand on the creatures head.

The planet was practically barren. Only rocks as far as the eye could see. The landscape was one rocky cliff face after another. No wonder Jim was lost down here. This was the point of their last known coordinates. There should be some sign of them nearby…

“Enterprise to Doctor McCoy”

Pulling his comm off his belt he flipped it open. “McCoy here!”

“Doctor it is inadvisable for you to be on the planet at this time. The storm…”

“I don’t give a damn about the storm! If none of you lot are going to do anything to find Jim then I’ll do it myself!”

“We won’t be able to beam you back once the storm hits you. It’s closing in on your location fast Doctor. We need to…”

“Let me find him! If he’s hurt and needs medical attention who better for him to be stuck here with until the storm passes?!”

“We can’t guarantee...”

“I’m not gonna let him die down here alone!”

There was silence on the other end and then Uhura came back on the line. “Before we lost signal Jim was headed west. I’ll keep the line open but we will lose your signal once the storm hits.”

“And I’ll be on my own…”

“Good luck and come back to us in one piece.”

“That’s the plan.”

He shut the comm and hooked it back on his belt before turning to the west. Directly into the oncoming storm. “You would have gone that way.”

Carefully he made his way over the edge of the hill and started down the steeply sloping side. Small rocks coming loose and tumbling down to the bottom of the hill. “Go slow. Do not fall. The last thing Jim needs is for you to hurt yourself looking for him. Don’t have time for that anyway.”

A short way down he stopped on a ledge to rest and figure out the best path down from where he was. Surveying the area directly below him he noticed something yellow caught between a couple of rocks. “Jim…”

Jim woke to a sudden sharp pain in his leg and his cries echoed through the cave. The creature raised its head and looked at him as he clenched his fist and squeezed his eyes shut. Panting he turned to the animal. “Don’t suppose you know how to set a bone do you?”

It cocked its head to the side.

“I didn’t think so.” He glanced around the dark cave and sighed. “Will you help me?”

It stood to its feet and stepped over to him licking his face.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Can you lay over my foot?”

It huffed and walked over to his feet, carefully laying on the foot of his injured leg.

Taking hold of his leg with both hands he took a few steadying breaths and closed his eyes. His scream echoed off the cave walls and the animal laying over his foot howled. Breathing heavily he leaned back against the wall. His head was throbbing. The creature shifted off of him and crouched low facing the back of the cave.

“What is it? Something wrong?”

A deep growling sound reverberated off the walls and sent a chill down his spine. A dark shadow moved in the darkness toward them and the creature moved between him and the shadow with a snarling growl. Whatever was in the darkness slowly moved back but the creature remained poised beside him.

He reached a hand out cautiously and placed it on the creature’s back and the creature relaxed a little at his touch. He turned and looked out the cave entrance, his eyelids growing heavy, “Where are you Bones….” he whispered before his eyes closed once again.

Drifting in and out of consciousness he barely noticed the creature settling in against him. He barely noticed the wind howling outside or the when the rain started coming down in fat heavy drops. Drifting off in the darkness with only the dull throb of his head and the heaviness in his limbs a voice called out in the darkness.

“Jim? Jim!”

He knew that voice.

Bones.

“Jim!!”

Bones.

“Let me help him dammit!”

Opening his eyes he lifted his hand toward the brunette. “Bones…”

The creature shifted as Jim’s hand fell to his side and he slipped back into the darkness.

“Shit! Jim!”

He rushed to Jim’s side yanking the tricorder off his belt as the doglike creature backed away. Quickly running a scan over the unconscious blonde he pulled a hypo out and stuck a vial in it before pressing it to his neck. Carefully shifting him onto his back he started an IV and moved down to his injured leg. He placed a splint on the broken leg and bandaged the gash on his thigh before turning his attention to his head wound.

The doglike creature sat on the other side of Jim watching his every move. “Can I help you?”

The creature nudged Jim’s hands with its nose and whimpered.

“He’ll be okay. Once I can get him to the ship.”

A couple more bandages and another round of hypos later Leonard sat down beside Jim with his back against the cave wall. “I’ve done all I can. Just have to hope the storm clears up soon.”

The creature stood and walked around Jim to stand in front of Leonard. He sighed and reached a hand out. It sniffed him and nudged his hand. “At least you’re friendly. You help him out?”

It huffed.

“Yeah I get that way with him sometimes too.”

It licked his hand and looked back at Jim. Leonard shook his head. “I know. I’m worried too. We’ll just keep an eye on him.”

It cocked its head to one side and laid down beside Leonard with its head in his lap. “I bet Jim loved having you around. He’s always pestering me for a dog.”

The creature whined and looked at Jim.

“That’s not going to help. I’ll watch him while you sleep okay?”

It sighed and closed it eyes. Leonard looked over at Jim and then back out the mouth of the cave. “I sure hope this blows over soon.”

A warm tingling sensation and the sound of equipment beeping steadily. His eyelids were still heavy but he managed to open them a little. The light was dim thankfully and there was a weight on his left hand. Turning his head with a groan he smiled. “Bones..” he whispered.

The brunette shot up out of his seat. “Geoff! He’s awake!” he called out the apparently open door before clasping Jim’s hand in his. “How do you feel Jim?”

“Been better.”

“Yeah, I bet. Don’t move okay?”

“Couldn’t if I wanted to.”

“You’re going to be okay Jim. I’ve got you.”

Jim smiled up at his boyfriend. “I never doubted you. How’d you find me though?”

“Uhura pointed me in the right direction. I found a piece of your shirt on the hillside and then followed the blood trail. I found you and that damned dog in the cave. It wouldn’t let me anywhere near you.”

“Fluffy was just protecting me.”

“You...you named that thing Fluffy?”

“Yeah. Can I keep it?”

“No Jim. You can’t keep it. Once Fluffy backed off I was able to get some of your injuries treated. The storm cleared and I brought you back here.”

“Did you….did you go down...alone?”

Leonard nodded and cupped Jim’s cheek with his free hand, “Anything to save you Jim. I wasn’t going to lose you. I love you too much.”

“Love you too Leonard. “

#Star Trek #Star Trek AOS #Star Trek Fanfiction #McKirk #Slight angst #Injuries #Leonard X Jim #Bones X Jim #McCoy X Kirk #Jim X Leonard #Jim X Bones #Kirk X McCoy #Audie Writes

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darknesslioness · 8 years

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Ice Melts Fire: Part 2

All my fanfics about Bechnokid’s versions of the characters take place in the universe of Wartime by StellarIce and Bechnokid found on Deviantart, but are not official fandom canon. That is Bechnokid’s call and my fanfics are simply my fanfics, my hopes and dreams.

This one also takes bits and pieces from Bloom by FableWing and Shurara Steampunk by BFG11, also on Deviantart, to help with backstory.

Characters belong to Bechnokid and by extension, Keroro Gunsu (Sgt. Frog).

Part 2: One Month After

Help . . . please help me . . .

Unbearable heat. Blinding light. Someone yelling over the roar.

A burning scarf in her hands, quickly disintegrating.

No . . . no he can’t be.

The scarf slipped through her fingers as ash, flames pouncing on her.

No. NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!

She screamed as she bolted upright. She nearly sprang to her feet, ready to bolt through the fire to escape, but something held her arms and torso in a vice grip. She struggled against it in terror for several seconds, until the flames faded from her vision and the concerned whispers next to her ear finally registered.

She blinked her eyes, taking in the peaceful, warm setting of the mansion’s sitting room. Instead of a chaotic inferno, the room was lit only by a single lamp next to her, the embers of a once roaring fire nestled in the giant fireplace, and the hundreds of twinkling, color lights woven into a giant tree in the corner of the room.

Garland and candles decorated the fireplace mantle. Reefs and homemade décor adorned the walls and snow could be seen falling gently in the night outside the glass wall, long icicles hanging with strings of white lights high above against the glass outside.

The cheerful surroundings pushed the nightmare back and brought forth the memories of the day before her accidental slumber.

It was Christmas Day and the day had been very joyous . . . and very tiring. Hanana had gotten little sleep that night, but was determined to wake up early for her friends despite her tired mind. Everyone had woken up, spent most of the morning opening gifts, messing around with each other, and eaten a brief breakfast before journeying into town to attend celebrations held by some local businesses. The corps, along with Samama, Kabobo, and Pururu and excluding Robobo (snow didn’t mix well from him), spent the early afternoon admiring the decorative sights and holiday music festivals.

Already in high spirits from unwrapping gifts, it wasn’t long into the festivities before the younger members of the corps joined a snowball fight with some local kids. And from there, in one way or another, nearly the whole group was dragged into a massive snowball fight, its intensity forcing the town’s children to run for their lives and leave the strange people to it. The game started as team-based with teams of two: Putata and Mekeke, Nuii and Gyororo, Samama and Kabobo, Pururu and Kagege, Giruru and Dokuku (by members taking turns being possessed for him), and, by accident, Yukiki and Hanana. Yukiki and Giruru took some convincing to join in, or in this case some ‘accidental’ snowballs to the face, but once they were in, the others soon found themselves in trouble. The two proved to be very aggressive players, especially when looking for revenge.

At first, the competition was mainly between Putata and Mekeke, and Giruru and Yukiki, but soon it turned into a free-for-all. Hanana had never laughed so hard in her life, witnessing throughout the game the near constant looks of surprise and overdramatic reactions to snowball bullseyes. In the end, no one really proved to be the victor, although no one could deny that Yukiki was dominating by the time they picked themselves out of the snow laughing and began the journey back home.

Upon the return, most of them began the process of preparing dinner, with Hanana becoming head of baking the cakes, cookies, and other desserts. After a few hours, they all were sitting in the dining room eating from platters of delicious food and laughing with each other. For an organization of assassins and just as deadly allies, they sure did look like one, big family. At this time of year, even the grumpiest members of the corps tried being more tolerant of others. A lot had changed in just a few years and Hanana hoped it would stay this way, happy and friendly.

After dinner, they had all relaxed in front of the fire in the sitting room, trying out their gifts, telling stories, listening to Christmas music from the stereo, or simply watching the snow fall outside. Hanana had ended up sitting next to Yukiki on one of the couches. She had become quite shy around him since her realization of her feelings towards him. So much so that she panicked when she nearly got caught under the mistletoe with him, but made a quick escape before anyone could notice. Not that she didn’t want to kiss him. She had caught herself daydreaming about such several times since that night. Just . . . not like that. Not being forced and teased into it.

Despite her nervousness around him, she took a seat next to him and soon found herself rather comfortable, listening to the others and telling her own stories here and there. Before long, the little sleep she had gotten the night before caught up with her and she vaguely remembered leaning against Yukiki’s shoulder exhausted . . . before opening her eyes to smoke and tragedy.

Now the room was empty of the lively company and the contained fire was slowly dying, the sound of Christmas carols in the background clearly lowered. She shivered, trying to slow her breathing, and confirmed to herself that what was trapping her to her seat was a pair of cold arms. Knowing what that meant, she went limp against his chest and turned her head to look at the comforting presence.

As usual, the snowman was dressed in his dark blue top hat and coat, gloves and all. The only differences from his usual attire were the inclusion of a sprig of holly on his hat, a tradition he checked constantly for a spontaneous transformation into mistletoe as of last year’s incident . . . and a new scarf, gifted from her. It was a richer shade than his previous scarf, a deep royal blue, and along the entire length were silver, glittering patterns of windy swirls and intricate snowflakes.

She had bought the materials for it the day after she was released from the hospital, when Putata and Mekeke dragged her out shopping. She had worked on the scarf for weeks, carefully designing and sewing the patterns of reflective, silver thread onto the silky scarf. She had been so thrilled when he replaced his old scarf with it after unwrapping it . . . and spending a few moments staring between the gift and her.

So there it was, wrapped around his neck, its silver snowflakes and wind patterns sparkling in the dim light. Seeing her gift to him warmed her deaccelerating heart and reminded her of his own gift to her. Her hand rose to touch it. He had given her a beautiful necklace of blue crystal petals with a pink rose centerpiece. At her question of where he had found it, he had made a quick comment of the gems being highly concentrated perma-ice he had created from dyed water, all put together by a local jeweler.

He had put it on her at her request and her heart leapt when it fell into place against her chest, going well with her current sky blue dress. She would always cherish the beautiful treasure.

Clenching the ice rose, she gathered comfort from its chilled touch and raised her eyes higher to look him in the eyes. And as she expected, Yukiki had a worried look on his face and upon meeting his eyes, he relaxed his arms and lightly cupped a hand to her cheek.

“You are having nightmares again?” At his question, she lowered her head shamefully, feeling as if it was her fault the nightmares had come back. Her hand dropped from her necklace to clench his coat sleeve.

“I thought they were gone, but . . . I guess not.” She thought Kagege’s therapy and Pururu’s homemade ‘remedy for nightmares’ had vanquished the dreams, having been nightmare-free for nearly two weeks. Maybe it had been foolish to think she was over the fire.

She looked back up at Yukiki, remembering all the times he had been there for her since the loss of her home. He had listened at every nightmare she had to describe, helped her try to overcome them and now . . . he had become part of the nightmare. The thought made her flinch and tighten the grip her hands had on his sleeve. Of course, Yukiki caught it.

“What was this one like?” He knew her nightmares were always about the fire and that talking about her dreams helped in her recovery. It had become routine by now for him to ask after a nightmare. And like every other time, she answered.

“It was the same as the last one.” It was the truth, but she withheld the addition to this dream, an addition that made her heart ache when she looked at him. She shut her eyes in frustration at the feeling.

“Why are they back? I was so happy today. I didn’t even think about . . .” She sighed when her mouth refused the words, not wanting to remind herself of the fire anymore then she had to. She opened her eyes and looked around the room, noting the absence of the lively crowd and the dimmed atmosphere of the room.

“Where is everyone? How long was I asleep?” Yukiki was the next to sigh as Hanana leaned away from him and released his sleeve. She watched as his arms released her and he reached for the thick, leatherback book Kagege had given him, open on the arm of the couch. As he marked the page and closed it, he answered her.

“After you fell asleep, everyone else started getting tired as well. They all went off to their rooms and Samama, Kabobo, and Pururu went home. They told me to tell you Merry Christmas by the way. They left around three hours ago. It’s about 11:20 now.” Hanana’s eyes widened at how long it had been and was quick to apologize.

“Oh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to, um, fell asleep on you and keep you here!” He was shaking his head the moment she said ‘sorry.’

“Don’t be. I noticed this morning that you were tired and today’s activities likely did not help. You needed the rest and I wasn’t going to deny you that. Besides, I’ve made good progress.” He lazily shook the book in emphasis before placing it beside his old scarf, folded on the side table. He turned back to her.

“But I am sorry that your sleep was not as peaceful as I had hoped. I don’t know why you are having these dreams again, but they will eventually fade away. Give it time. I do.” Hanana had lowered her head, nodding slowly to his advice, before jerking up in realization. She looked at him extraordinarily.

“Do . . . do you mean you have nightmares too? I-I mean . . . I just thought . . . well, um . . . that nothing really scared you? I mean, you never really seemed . . . ah . . .” She blushed in embarrassment at her childish belief that he wasn’t afraid of anything. Everyone had fears. She even believed in the old saying, ‘If you’re not scared, you’re not alive.’ True, she couldn’t remember ever seeing Yukiki afraid before. Nervous, but never afraid. She felt absolutely foolish. That was happening a lot around him lately.

It didn’t help that Yukiki froze at her question and his expression began to darken. She sat stiffly beside him, nervously awaiting his answer. All was silent for a full minute and she jumped slightly when he spoke up.

“I had several in the first few months of my employment with Shurara. I never could remember much of them after awakening, so they didn’t cause me much trouble. They stopped after a while and I have not had nightmares since. At least . . . until recently.” At the mention of recent dreams, Hanana quickly became the one concerned, forgetting her troubles to tend to his. She moved back closer to him and gently grasped his upper arm.

“What are your nightmares about?” They both noticed the obvious role reversal and Yukiki couldn’t stop the bittersweet chuckle escaping his throat.

“I don’t think hearing about my dreams would be very helpful for either of us. They don’t bother me much anyway. And besides . . .” His eyes seemed to darken and a deep frown replaced his gentle smile before he turned his head away. “. . . my fears should not be a concern of yours. Fear is but a cautionary instinct. Useful, but can become a liability.” He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, a stern but gentle warning in his gaze. “. . . like yours.”

Hanana felt hurt, but not from his warning. It hurt her that he did not trust her with his night terrors when she always told him hers. He had played off his fears, yet took hers seriously. No nightmare was a good thing and a reappearance of them was not something to be ignored. If he was having nightmares, why couldn’t he let her help him like he had done for her?

Maybe . . . maybe he just wasn’t ready. Maybe he didn’t trust her enough yet or he didn’t want to burden her with his problems. She knew she had felt that way at times.

She moved a bit closer and gently encircled her scarred arms around him in a hug. He stiffened, but she had grown to expect the reaction by now.

“I . . . I think you’re right. But I just want you to know that I care about you. I’ll always be willing to listen if you have anything to say. I want to help you and I can keep a secret if need be.” She gave him a small squeeze and waited, hoping he would open up to her.

He remained silent, staring blankly off to the side. The only sound was the low melody of ‘White Christmas’ from the speakers.

Disheartened, she sighed and slowly removed her arms to stand up. His eyes snapped up to her as she stepped away from the couch. She turned to him with a reassuring smile, her eyes avoiding his.

“Anyway, thanks for staying up for me. It was very kind of you. Well . . . good night.” She turned away and walked towards the archway leading to the lobby. She had gotten only a few feet when her ears caught his faint response over the light music, a nearly sad sounding whisper.

“I was scared that night.” She stopped, half in disbelief and half in relief. She turned back to him and found him bent forward with his weigh on his elbows, eyes trained straight down at his feet. He looked exhausted, but she wasn’t sure it was physical.

Seeing his conflicted expression, she walked back to the couch, approaching slowly as if not to startle him.

“The night . . . of the fire?” He give a single, small nod. She slowly sat back down beside him, intent on encouraging him to talk.

“Why?” She had a good idea of the answer, but she had to confirm it.

He huffed at her question, barely a laugh.

“Why? Because . . . because . . . I thought . . . I . . . I was going to lose you.” Despite it being expected, hearing his response still sent a shock through her, but heartbreak quickly replaced her surprise. Even more so when her brain connected the dots. It confirmed her fears. She asked her question again.

“W-What are your nightmares about, Yuki?” He remained silent for a moment, but the time for silence seemed to be over. He took in a breath.

“They’re . . . they are about you. But . . . also about me. And . . . things going wrong and . . . *sigh*” He couldn’t seem to continue, but Hanana could fill in the blanks. She wrapped her arms around his torso, holding on tightly as she tried to keep her tears at bay.

“Oh Yuki, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know I . . .” She didn’t know what to say. He was worried about her and didn’t want to lose his friend. He nearly had that night.

She understood how he felt. She understood him completely. Her nightmare was proof of that. She shivered at the memory of the dream. He had been there, trying to protect her. But the flames had been invincible. The inferno engulfed him before her eyes and he disappeared, leaving nothing but his charred scarf. A scarf emblazoned with sliver flicks.

The memory was the final straw for her tears and they flowed freely done her cheeks as a hollow sense of grief filled her.

“I know.” She whispered brokenheartedly amongst the low cheery music. “I know.”

He didn’t seem to hear her whispers, trapping in his own inner turmoil.

“Sorry? No. I’m the one who should be sorry. Hanana . . .” He lifted his head and pushed away her arms, holding her shoulders at length to move away a bit. But despite the distance he put between them, he looked her in the eyes as he confessed.

“It’s . . . it’s my fault you were nearly killed. It’s my fault you lost your home.” She stared at him, confused. Tears continued their trails as she sat gawking at him.

“The man I killed. He was a high value target whose contract was my responsibility, given to me a few months before you came along. I made a crucial mistake on my mission and he got away. He made a fool of me while he was at it, too. He was the flaw in my perfect record and it infuriated me. I . . . I let my pride get the best of me. I hunted him for over a year, snuffing out his subordinates and sabotaging his operations. I was under no orders and during that time I had plenty of opportunities to take him out.” Yukiki tightened his grip on her shoulders and bared his teeth.

“But I wanted to destroy everything he had before I ended his life, wanted to make him squirm as everything crumble around him! I wanted him to wish he had not made a fool of me that day. And so, I became his most hated enemy. He began hunting for me. But not just to kill me. He wanted to make me suffer as well. So he started searching for my weaknesses. His search must not have been successful, because he quickly abandoned stealth and started sending goons after me and the others a few times.” His hands had released Hanana’s shoulders during the tale and were currently being clenched in his lap, his body and eyes now turned away from her to face forward.

“They were always dispatched. After a while, he disappeared and I lost interest in my vendetta against him. I had thought him dead or having fled the land. However, he resurfaced over a year later. He had . . .” His expression was torn, half angry and half ashamed as he told her all this. And then, she saw it change into a pained frustration.

“He had found you.” He closed his eyes, unable to look at her even in his peripheral vision.

“Somehow, he found out that you were . . . a close friend of mine . . . and used you to get to me. He had found the weakness he was looking for. And he tried to burn you alive, purposely using fire to mock me.” His eyes opened to glare into the coffee table in front of them, giving a look as if it was he was mentally interrogating it.

“I don’t know why, but I was so restless that night. I couldn’t stay still. So I went out for a walk, hoping to tire myself out. And when I saw your house in flames . . . I . . . I was . . .” She saw his body shook in a shiver and she reached forward to place a hand on his shoulder.

“The entire house was engulfed in flames. For a moment I thought . . .” He exhaled sharply, then turned his head back to her for his eyes met hers again, a spark of determination in their soft glow.

“But I had to try. You . . . you are too important to me . . . uh, to all of us.” A barely noticeable blush appeared on his face and his eyes darted away from hers nervously before returning.

“If there was a chance that you were still alive, I had to take it.” He went silent, the rest of the story already known. There was only the music as she stared at his prone form, taking in all he had said.

He was clearly nervous and mentally exhausted from revealing his burden. There was a barely restrained fidget to his hands and a faint blush was painted below his narrowed eyes, now staring into her lap.

Hanana squeezed his shoulder as she wiped away her tears, hoping to comfort him while giving him space. She smiled softly at him as she used her empty hand to gently pull his face back up to make eye contact.

“And here I am. Alive and safe, because of my hero.” Yukiki was still for a moment, studying her. His eyes drifted down to her arms, catching sight of the scars still left behind by the fire. Some would likely never fade, forever staining her once flawless skin. Forever a reminder of her pain . . . and his influence on her life. If she wasn’t burned by his enemies, his very nature would sap the life from this flower with an icy cold.

He clenched his teeth at the wave of self-hate that invaded his body. He nearly spat out his reply.

“Your hero? That’s a joke. It is more accurate to say that I am your doom.” He pulled her hand away from his face and placed it firmly in her lap and released it. He tried to pull away, but Hanana’s hand was latched onto his shoulder. He tried shrugging her off as he continued.

“You were nearly killed because of my compulsion to play with my catch, to even a ridiculous score. You were, and are, in danger because you ally yourself with ASSASSINS!”

He was getting angry and his eyes were glowing with the frustration building from her determination to not let go of him, both literally and figuratively. His conflicting desires for her to leave or to stay had been eating at him since the fire and it was starting to enrage him how stubborn she was being with the choice. Anyone else would be quickly retreating from his growing rage. But no matter how much he argued, no matter the evidence, she refused to remove herself from his life, from the Corps. And here she was, at his side, unafraid with a gentle smile. Her other hand reached up to grab an iron hold of his arm and Yukiki weakly snarled at the added shackle.

“I’ve known the dangers of your lives since the day I first stepped foot in this place; for yourselves and anyone any of you get close to. But I made my choice then and it remains the same now. All of you are my friends, my family. There are some things are just worth the risks.” She leaned closer as he glared at the floor, completely missing the loving look she was giving him.

“Trust me Yuki. You are more than worth it. That night was not your fault. That night, you truly were my hero. And you always will be.” Yukiki continued burning a hole in the floor, but his anger was slowly dying. Soon, he sighed in defeat and lifted his gaze back to her. She felt her smile fall at his sad expression.

“Hanana. I appreciate your compassion, but I cannot see how any of us could be worth your life. How I could be worth your life.” Without looking away, he began to gently remove her hands from his arm.

“Yuki . . .”

“I am physically harmful to you, Hanana.” He interrupted her, expression become more serious and sad.

“I could kill you with one, accidental wave of my hand. You cannot even hug me long before you risk becoming sick. The very purpose of my creation and form is to end lives.” Finally prying her hands off, he released her and prepared to remove himself from the couch, turning away to retrieve his book and scarf.

“But Yuki, I’ve told you before that I don’t mind that you’re a snowman! And I know you would never hurt me!” She stood up as he did, determined to reason with him.

“You may not be able to help what you are, but YOU decide WHO you are! It’s who you are that I really care about! You’re more than a killer, Yuki! You chose that! You chose to be a better person!” She lunged forward and captured himself in a fierce hug.

“A true killer kills whoever they please, with no remorse or compassion. A true killer doesn’t care about the weak or the old, friends or family! A true killer LIVES for the kill and suffering.” Hanana lifted her head from his chest to give him a half-hearted smirk.

“You don’t. None of you do! I’ve seen it. You protect the young and respect the old. You never touch the innocent. The streets are safer because your efforts, despite what the police say. This town, with all its families, is under your protection and they know it. Have you ever noticed that no one here has ever given up information on this mansion or anyone associated with it? Or that no one bats an eye at our strange group? And if there’s a stranger asking around, you all are the first to know.”

His blank expression lifted into slight surprise. He had noticed, but had never put much thought to it. He didn’t spend much time with civilians after all. But there had been more than a few instances in the last few years where random people would spark a friendly conversation or trade with him. Putata and Mekeke had once proved a list of homes that had been offered to them as safe houses if they ever got in a tight spot. Yukiki, ever suspicious, had never used them however.

Children were also very approaching, ever curious of him. They would follow him around, watching what he did and asking him questions. As uncomfortable as it made him, there was something gratifying about their awe-filled expressions and the fact that their caretakers didn’t hide them away in fear, like they once did.

“It’s because they trust you. And they know there are good people here, despite the gruesome career. They feel safe living with assassins. And so do I. Safe and incredibly happy with the family I’m blessed with . . . with you.” Her warm smile and kind words were gradually dragging Yukiki out of dark thoughts, a small smile itching the corners of his mouth.

“That’s why I chose to be an ally to assassins. And nothing will ever change that.” She waited patiently as he absorbed her speech, slight changes to his facial expression hinting at the thoughts waging war on each other.

When Hanana makes a decision, she sticks to it like it’s an unbreakable vow. And as sweet as she was, this stubborn nature made sure that she was never one to be refused. It’s what gave her the ability to make friends with an entire group of mostly hardened assassins and soften them up while she was at it. So with just one little speech, she had made it clear to Yukiki that there was no chance of her leaving them behind. And she was happy with that.

Unable to refuse her argument, a smile broke on his downtrodden appearance, small and tired it may have been. A small chuckle left his lips, submissive and accepting, as he allowed the part of him that didn’t want her to leave to rejoice.

“No . . . no, I suppose nothing will.” He sighed. His arms slowly lifted to gently hug her back, keeping eye contact. After a brief moment of hesitation, Yukiki leaned forward until their foreheads touched, careful of his nose. His eyes closed and he breathed out, smile still present.

“Thank you, Hanana.”

His voice was warm and somewhat relieved. Hanana’s body froze the moment his head touched hers. She stared at Yukiki in surprise, not expecting such a form of affection from him.

Looking up at him, she studied his face. He looked tired, as if his few minutes of dreary thoughts had taken several nights from him. And yet . . . that small smile was very slowly leading his body to relax. To her, it gave the impression that he was coming to terms with something that had long haunted him. He was trying to give himself some peace.

She gazed at him with awe as he completely relaxed, that smile still there. She felt her own smile grow as her lovesickness made an appearance at his affection, rustling the butterflies in her stomach. She loved when he was happy and that smile was starting to tug at her heartstrings. She could feel the blush invading her cheeks as he opened his eyes.

That look he gave her. She could barely describe it, but it sent those butterflies into overdrive and started melting any coherent thoughts.

As he began lifting his head away, her body reacted and she dove forward.

A shock shot through them as their lips met.

Her eyes closed, Hanana concentrated on just feeling. Such as the odd but pleasant chill of his lips on hers or the butterflies leaving her stomach to spread through her veins.

She was sure she would have been lost in her affection, if she hadn’t noticed how still he had gone. At the realization, her eyes snapped open and she ripped herself away.

She stared at him wide-eyed, taking in his reaction with growing embarrassment and fear.

He was entirely frozen in place, not even breathing. His face was beet red and his pupils had shrunk into pinpricks. She was shocked to see ice rapidly forming on her gifted scarf, the cuffs of his coat, and gloves. His book and scarf were now abandoned on the floor. To Hanana, he looked mortified. And now so was she, her previous calm shattered.

Yet another humiliating moment where she had let her emotions get the better of her.

She leaped away out of his frozen arms, more than ready to make a run for it. Her face was completely red as she covered it with her hands.

“I-I’m . . . I’m sorry. I—!” With no favorable excuse, she turned away, heading once again for the exit at a fast pace. She could feel tears forming behind her eyes, thinking it truly was another Giruru incident. Only worse.

She reached a hand out to grip the frame of the archway to steady her uneven stride when a large hand grabbed her arm and spun her around.

When her eyes met the fierce glow of his irises, she immediately lowered hers, submissive in her fear and shame. His ice-free hands latched onto her shoulders and held her in a steel trap.

“Hanana.”

She flinched at her name in such a serious tone. Did she cross a line? Could those stories about love confessions and impulsive kisses ruining friendships really be true? She didn’t think she could handle it if it was true for this. She was certain she couldn’t.

His gloved hand came up and grabbed a hold of her chin, pulling her face to his. His eyes’ shine had died down, but still possessed an unwavering luminance. His countenance was still serious, but his gaze had softened, picking up on her fear quickly.

“Why did you kiss me, Hanana?” It was a question, but to Hanana it could easily have been an accusation. She tried her hardest to not respond, to somehow silently convince him to let her go.

Yukiki wasn’t one to give up. His stubbornness could rival her own and it had given him both triumphs and ramifications in his career and small social life.

But mostly triumphs.

His unrelenting character worked to his advantage here. It was seconds before she crumbled under his gaze, leaning a bit against him as she gave up.

“B-Because . . . I . . . I think I . . .” She swallowed nervously, closing her eyes so she didn’t have to see him and his calculating eyes. A bit of courage was the reward of her cowardice. Enough to begin a confession. If the stories were true and he didn’t return any feelings, the kiss had already thrown a wrench into their friendship. Might as well give him the reason behind the throw, an excuse for forgiveness.

“No, I know . . . that I . . .” She took a deep breath. She tried to collect her previous confidence and calm.

“. . . that I’m in love . . . with you.” The near painful spike of strength to his grip on her shoulder broke the dam holding back the flood and what little confidence she had disappeared. She began confessing to the point of begging, like her very life was being threatened. And she couldn’t stop.

“I-I only figured it out that night after the hospital, but I-I-I think I’ve felt this way for a while. You’re just . . . you’re practically my best friend and you’ve always been there for me ever since the first time you ate cake with me. You’ve always protected me and I’ve always felt safe with you.” She screwed her eyes tighter, unable to control the rabble she was fast sinking into.

“Y-You’re strong, you’re brave, you’re smart, and you’re sweet even though you refuse to admit it. You protect your friends. You watch out for them. You play with Nuii and Dokuku!” Tears had started to run down her cheeks, the uncertainty of how this would end driving her emotions higher.

“I enjoy our walks and talks. I love baking cakes just to see your reaction! I adore your smile, your voice, your eyes . . . And-and I-I always thought a living, breathing snowman was one of the most amazing things I had ever seen!” She laughed though her tears to her next train of her most inner thoughts.

“I think your magic is beautiful!” A small hiccup escaped her as she started to tremble.

“You don’t want to lose me, but I’m terrified of losing you! I don’t know what I would do if . . . I . . . I just can’t.” Her rabbling nearly stopped at the grim thoughts, tears streaming faster with the thought of never seeing him again. Just like in the dream. But her thoughts continued to force their way out.

“B-But . . . I will never regret meeting you, meeting any of you! The last few years have been some of the best of my life! I don’t care how dangerous your lives are! You guys are my family . . . ever since my parents died, I . . .” Her voice started to shut down, small hiccups infecting her voice.

“I-I-I-I . . . I w-wouldn’t trade you all for the world. But you will al-always be . . . the o-one I am most grateful for. You’ve done so-so much for me and shown me things I never thought possible! You taught me how to ice-skate. H-how to make the perfect snowball. I-I know now that the wind really does have colors! That ice can create and save, not just d-d-destroy! Because of you, the cold doesn’t bother me much anymore!” Hanana’s forehead gently settled on Yukiki’s chest, her words physically exhausting her.

“Y-You showed me beauty and wonder where I once saw dullness and lifelessness.” She swallowed, breathless and afraid as she gave her last confession as a whisper.

“You made me love Winter.”

She went completely still, eyes still closed, and her mind going blank after the tidal wave of thoughts that had left through her mouth. All she could hear now was the low Christmas music and her heavy breathing.

Yukiki had become a statue, still and silent, and his silence killing her inside. The seconds built up as his hold did not waver, denying her the escape she was becoming desperate for.

What was he going to do?

“To care that much for someone like me, you must be completely and utterly insane.”

Her eyes shot open in dismay, but he quickly made his move. She yelped when his hand quickly pulled her face up to his as he tilted his head, nearly smashing their lips back together.

A shiver ran up and down her spine. She stared wide-eyed at him, his eyes closed and eyebrows down in determined concentration with a clear blush on his cheeks. His cold lips moved slightly against hers and that was all it took to snap her out of her shock.

She closed her eyes and flung her arms around his neck as she returned the kiss, nearly knocking him back. He was quick to recover from the sudden jump, bracing his feet and moving his arms to her waist and back to hold her securely against him. From there, both tried their best to pull the other as close as possible, finding a desperation they didn’t know they had for each other. The thought of losing the other was still fresh in both their minds.

When they finally pulled away, Hanana’s heart was racing a thousand miles a minute on the warm and happy feeling coursing through it, destroying the earlier fear and despair. A bright blush adorned her face and her breathing was slowly steadying. A smile was starting to grow quickly on her chilled lips as she opened her eyes to the man of her affections.

Yukiki’s reaction to the kiss wasn’t much different from hers. His icy heart also raced beneath her palms now on his chest, seemingly overheating at the unfamiliar overload of emotions. A blush was prominent on his face, a now common feature, and his eyes opened to hers in a clash of shining blue and burning pink.

He returned her smile and brought his hand at her cheeks to wipe the remaining tears away, widening his smile as she leaned into his touch.

“You truly are a strange one, Hanana.” She giggled at his statement, eyeing him playfully.

“What is that supposed to mean?” His smile somehow became even softer and his eyes held his own laughter with no uncertainty or guilt left. She felt herself fall a little bit more.

“It truly is remarkable that you think so highly of me.” His thumb stroke her cheek. Her hands gripped his coat tightly at the feeling.

“It’s really not that hard! I can teach you, if you want.” She winked at him as his blush deepened briefly, his hand leaving her face. She laughed and took the chance to bury her face in his new scarf, hugging him tightly as her ear caught the sound of his galloping heartbeat. He chuckled and hugged her back, his cheek resting against her head.

“Well, perhaps it is because of your stubborn form of kindness that I may be worthy of any of your praise. Many things have changed since you arrived.” They stood that way for a while, listening to the light music of ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You.’

Hanana hummed to the song happily, nearly laughing at the perfect timing of it. Yukiki noticed and, to her surprise, hummed along with her. She pulled her head away to look up at him, delighted. He ducked his head a bit, suddenly bashful. She laughed, overjoyed to see such a brighter side of him.

Was it truly because of her? At the thought, now she was getting bashful.

Trying to shake it off, she decided to play around with him. Fighting back her rising blush, she quickly dove in and kissed his jaw. As expected, he froze and she nearly did too, but she forced herself out of his embrace . . . and took his hat along with her.

He stood there, dazed and confused, as she pranced away from him towards the door way, placing the top hat on her own head and twirling her dress around with a laugh. The hat barely fit, but she don’t care as she played with the scarf flaps. She turned back to face him . . . and squealed when she found him right in front of her, his approach lightning quick and completely undetected. She cursed his hunter traits before he swooped her up bridal style and carried her back to the couch, herself struggling playfully as she squealed for him to let her go.

He obliged, abruptly but carefully, dropping her onto the cushions. She lay there stunned, then glared at him from under his hat after a quick recovery. He quickly snatched said hat off her head before she could grab a defensive hold of it. She sat up to retaliate, but he cut her off with a quick kiss. Her heart barely had time to flutter by the time he pulled back. He smirked at her, still lightly blushing, and walked away to retrieve his fallen items. He was still smirking when he returned, book, scarf, and hat in hand.

“You, Hanana, were never meant to be a thief.” She pouted as he sat down beside her, crossing her arms as she faked another glare. Another blush had made an appearance, steadily growing with her current thought path.

“I could too if I tried!” The snowman raised an eyebrow at her sudden childish behavior, items safely placed on his opposite side.

“Oh? And of what purpose is this sudden compulsion to become a petty criminal?” On cue, her blush deepen and her eyes darted nervously before looking him straight on.

“So I can be a master at stealing kisses from you. . .” To say he was stunned by her boldness on this kind of subject was an understatement. His mind finally short-circuited at the comment, after all that had happened. He mouth hung open, a response nonexistent in his head.

Hanana fell backwards on the couch, rolling with laughter at his expression. His stiff form gradually thawed, but he still gawked at her. This whole evening was unknown territory for him, completely confusing and unexpectedly pleasant. But that did describe the basic experience of whenever he was around her. All the strange emotions she gave him, from the very start, had been such: confusing and frustratingly enjoyable. He didn’t understand them then and he barely understood them now.

But he’d be damned if he wasn’t incredibly happy right now. A few years ago he would have scuffed at the idea of being happy to have a female laugh at him. He would have completely ignored, or maybe frozen, the person to tell him he would one day care enough for said woman to have a need to protect her with his life; a concept he had long found illogical, unnecessary, and just plain stupid.

Puzzled by the idea, he had been sure he would never succumb to the idiocy of putting his life on the line for another.

Well . . . now he had done it time and time again, for her and their friends. Was he an idiot now? Maybe. Her gasping laughter and his dumbstruck position in this situation was good proof of that.

But she was worth it. He had learned some time ago that she was. He now understood the reason behind the idiocy.

He was in way over his head, but nothing could be done against it. Especially not now. Despite his fears. She had seen to that.

By the time his train of thought was back from its detour, Hanana’s laughter had died down into heavy breathing with the occasional snicker. She wiped tears from her eyes, glancing up at him happily.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Your–your face was just so--!” He lunged at her and she squeaked as he pulled her upright and against him, his face inches from hers. His confidence had returned in force, a sudden, but familiar, dominant air surrounding him.

“I must say, your mission shouldn’t be too difficult. Novice even. But as a precaution, would you like to practice?” Now it was his turn to be bold. He wore a smirk at Hanana’s blushing, but the grin vanished under her lips as she surprised him with an abrupt kiss. He hadn’t expected her to respond so quickly.

Her lips were gone before he could return the favor and she smirked back at him. Yukiki blinked, then smirked as well, both of them still blushing.

“Well done.” She giggled merrily at his praise. She had never imagined he could be the flirting type, but she couldn’t deny that she was starting to live for his teasing. A new feature to love him for.

She scooted closer to him, pressing against his side. He wrapped an arm around her, holding her close. She sighed blissfully, relaxing after such an emotional rollercoaster of a night.

“You know . . . today being Christmas . . . shouldn’t kissing happen under mistletoe?” She pointed out absent mindedly. She leaned forward to look past Yukiki to his hat.

“Did Putata and Mekeke give you any?” Seeing the object of her attention, the man grunted, eyes turning a bit steely.

“I haven’t let those two anywhere near me today. ESPECIALLY near my hat.” The girl covered her mouth to smother more oncoming giggles. She then moved her hands to his coat sleeve, gaining back his attention.

“It’s fine. It was just a thought. No need to get riled up. Besides, there’s no reason to avoid mistletoe on your hat anymore.” She smiled sweetly at him, then snuggled back comfortably into his side. She felt the rumble as he chuckled.

“I suppose not. Their so-called ‘encouragement’ prank is rendered useless if their victim is already courting their trap piece.” He paused and looked down at her, his nervousness returning to annoy him once again.

“That is . . . if you will have me.” She looked up at him, eyes soft and loving. The snowman could have sworn his insides were melting. And not at all in a painful way. Exact opposite.

“Yes, Yuki.” His heart raced at her reply, but his doubts still persisted. He had to make sure.

“Are you absolutely certain? There are many things I can never do for you. I cannot keep you warm. I cannot easily go anywhere with you where it is above a certain temperature. I am not even sure if I can--”

“Yukiki.”

A finger placed firmly on his mouth shut him up very quickly.

“I already know all of this and yes, I’m sure. There is nothing I would want more.” He stared at her, taking in her answer. Then he smiled. And Hanana was in awe at the adoration in his eyes. All for her.

He leaned his head down and she reached up, meeting in a soft and lingering kiss. They parted to breathe and quickly lost themselves in each other’s eyes.

“Merry Christmas, Yuki.”

The snowman held the flower girl tighter, laughing breathlessly at how merry his Christmas had indeed become. He watched as she laid a hand on his scarf, tracing the patterns she had crafted herself. He glanced at her necklace in return, even now feeling the pieces of his power he had forced into the delicate shapes. As he would treasure the scarf, he would treasure even more so the Christmas gift he had so longed for in his arms.

“Merry Christmas, Hanana.”

They sat there for the rest of the night, watching the snow and asking each other questions they could never ask before, enjoying each other’s company. Sleep pulled at them both, but they resisted it to revel in the moment of peace and affection.

They quietly laughed at the occasional silly question, or melted at a heartfelt answer.

“You truly think my power is . . . beautiful?”

“When you’re happy, it’s one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen.”

The action was clearly over. Now they were just talking, not as interesting anymore.

Calling it quits, a cloaked figure quickly snuck out, not wanting to be caught now that Yukiki wasn’t as distracted. Experience had taught him that the snowy assassin had a knack for sensing a presence. And there would be hell to pay if Yukiki had paid attention to anything but Hanana.

Once at a safe distance, the figure took out the pictures he had snapped, sorting through them for the juicy ones. He had arrived just in time to see Yukiki pull the girl by the chin into a kiss and had been quick to hide and document their every move from there. Smiling devilishly, he made his way to his room. He couldn’t wait to tell everyone that the wait was over.

But how to tell them? Definitely tomorrow and definitely loud and proud. Let the love birds have their peace tonight before the explosion.

For his plan, he would need the whole night anyway.

One last pull over the iceman’s head.

Then, if Yukiki was good and didn’t use his body for ice sculpture target practice, he would leave the two to their lovey-dovey business from now on.

Maybe . . .

#bechnokid #fanfic #yukiki #darknesslioness #hanana #romance #yukihana #sgt frog #keroro gunso #gijinka #kerojinka #ice melts fire #part 2 #fanfics #lioness writes

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katecarteir · 5 years

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i don’t want to spend another christmas without you

pairing: eddie kaspbrak/richie tozier [reddie] word count: 5,623 summary: richie tozier turned his back on derry and most of his life after graduating high school and never looked back. what happens when after three years, richie must finally return home for the holidays? ⤹ written for @richiebeepbeep as their gift for the @itfandomprompts 2019 secret santa event! i hope you like it!

read on ao3.

perma taglist: @jwilliambyers, @eddiekasbpark @stanleuyris, @appojoos, @s-s-georgie, @chaotickaspbrak, @eddiefuckinkaspbrak, @edstozler, @emgays, @anellope, @thorn-harvester-ven, @wheezyeds, @vipertooth, @tozierking, @billdenbrough (also let me know if you want added!)

Richie was not coming home for the holidays season. He never wanted to face Derry again, he lived in California now. He was happy there, that was where his life was, his apartment, his future. He simply could not face the life he had left behind three years earlier. Left vowing he would never return unless under the most desperate of situations. It had worked thus far, Richie always managing to come up with some sort of excuse when breaks from school had come around. Too much school work, doing summer trips abroad, having a his full time job and being unable to time off. He knew every time he told his mother he wasn’t going to make it that it broke her heart a little bit more. He almost dreaded the day she stopped asking him almost as much as he longed for it.

There wasn’t much getting out of it this time, though, he knew. His sister had made it clear enough, with a short but firm text message, explaining all about how its her first Christmas since getting engaged and how Richie hadn’t even met Bryan yet and how he was breaking their mother’s heart and Richie felt guilt deep in his bones as he promised Elle that he’d be there this year.

So now he was getting off at the Bangor Airport and his palms were sweating, his heart had been racing in his chest faster and faster the closer he got to Maine. His knees were shaking as he walked through the airport, looking for his family. His stomach jumped as his gaze caught sight of somebody who was clearly here for him, though the last person he would have expected to see.

“Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie cried, breaking into a sprint on his still shaky knees. He had missed his friends as much as his family, with a deep ache that he spent the majority of his last few years buiring deep inside of him by keeping busy and not giving him a chance to think about them. He’d kept in light contact with them, but he knew that he’d been shutting them out. And he knew that they knew it, too.

Richie launched himself at Eddie, jumping up into his arms and wrapping himself around him koala-style. Eddie let out a loud and annoyed noise, but Richie could hear the laughter underneath it. “Goddamn it, Richard.” Eddie grunted and wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist to help hold him up. “You’re fucking six teet tall, what the fuck. Get off me.”

Eddie’s arms squeezed tighter around Richie’s waist in contradiction of his own words and Richie smiled against his best friend’s head. He finally dropped down with his feet on the ground, and found that his knees were no longer weak. He beamed at Eddie, reaching out to pinch his cheeks. Eddie swatted his away, cheeks turning a light shade of pink. “What brings you to this lovely airport, Eddie my love? Thought my old man wanted to pick me up and lecture me whole way back to Derry about what a terrible son I’ve been.”

Eddie shrugged one shoulder, smiling down at his feet for a moment. “You know how your parents get right before a party, all stressed and manic. I volunteered to come get you, and don’t worry. I can still give you a great lecture about what a piece of shit son you’ve been the last couple years. And friend.”

Richie grumbled under his breath and stuck his hands into his jean back pockets. “Yeah, I feel like I’m going to be heading on the Richie Tozier apology tour.”

“It’s the least you can do.” Eddie said a little sharply, but his cheeks were still pink and his eyes were twinkling as he looked Richie up and down. “But don’t worry, you’ll have lots of time. Everybody is gonna be at the party tomorrow night, you can stand up and make a giant speech in front of the whole damn crowd if that’s still your style. Let’s go get your bags.”

“Oh, I didn’t bring any bags.” Richie said with a shrug.

Eddie’s mouth dropped open, and he blinked at Richie a few times before he furrowed his brow. “You’re here for two weeks? And you didn’t bring a single bag? Nothing? What are you supposed to wear?”

“I have clothes and shit back home!” Richie waved off Eddie’s concerns. “Nothing to worry about, Eds! Now show me to that Kaspbrak love wagon.”

Eddie rolled his eyes but allowed Eddie to wrap an arm around him and guided them outside into the chilly Maine air. Richie shivered brutally the moment he reached out into snow flurries, and let out a mildly horrified noise from the back of his throat. “Oh, fucking Maine. I’d forgotten. Please tell me you parked close, Eddie.”

Eddie chuckled, and tugged a woolly hat with a pom pom out of the pocket of his featherdown coat and reached over to stuff it onto Richie’s messy curls. “Awe, poor California boy can’t handle the cold? Forgetting your roots?”

“Listen, man.” Richie said through chattering teeth as Eddie linked arms with him and guided him quickly through the overly crowded parking lot. “I’ve barely even wore a sweater in the last three years. I was a l-l-l-egend in Cali, dude! I went sw-swimming in mid-winter while people st-st-arted at me like I was a lunatic!”

“And now you’re shivering like a little bitch and stuttering like Bill Denbrough aged 12 in Maine.” Eddie chuckled, dropping Richie’s arm to move over and unlock the car doors. Richie tugged frantically at the passenger seat and dove into car. He buckled up quickly, knowing Eddie would demand it, and pulled his legs up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around them and pressed his face into his knees.

Eddie dropped into the driver’s seat and seemed to take his damn time turning the car on. “Turn the heat on, turn the heat on.” Richie cried. “Please I’m going to die!”

“You’re not going to die.” Eddie turned the car on, shaking his head. “You’re so fucking dramatic, Richard.”

Richie shivered, holding his legs as close to his chest as he could manage without completely folding into himself. “Heat… please I beg you.”

“What if I told you the heater is broken?” Eddie asked, starting to pull out of the parking lot and getting caught up in a long line. Richie let out a distressed noise that almost sounded like a sob and Eddie’s heart tugged in his chest. “God, Rich, I’m just kidding. I wouldn’t let something in my car stay broken! Who the fuck do you think I am?”

Richie sighed as Eddie reached out and kicked the heater up. Richie sighed, and by the time they were finally pulling out of the cramming parking lot he’d let his legs down onto the floor of the car and was filling up with nerves once again. “So are we allowed to put on music or would that be too distracting from the lecture you’re going to give me?”

Eddie sighed, tapping at the steering wheel. “I’m not going to lecture you, Richie. I get it… mostly. I don’t really like coming home to Derry, either. It wasn’t a great place for any of us.” Eddie glanced at Richie from the corner of his eye and shook his head. “But we didn’t all have a family that as good as yours, Rich. And we didn’t cut each other out, either. I don’t know what happened, Richie. It’s like you cross over the Derry town line and you straight up forgot that everybody here existed.”

Richie sighed and leaned his head against the car window, though the chill stung at his skin. “I didn’t. I thought about you guys everyday.”

Eddie was quiet for a moment, fingers still tapping the steering wheel as they drove down the dark highway. Despite how busy the airport parking lot had been, the highway was nearly empty aside from them. “I spent a while wondering if maybe I’d done something wrong… after everything that happened senior year. If I’d made you hate me.”

Richie closed his eyes, brain dragging up all the things he didn’t want to remember. The things he’d pointedly kept from his mind over the last three years. Eddie Kaspbrak under the lights at prom, Eddie Kaspbrak’s lips on his in front of everybody at their graduation, Eddie Kaspbrak’s tears when he told Richie they couldn’t be together because distance would ruin their relationship and their friendship. “I don’t hate you, Eds.” Richie said softly. “I could never.”

“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.” Eddie chuckled. “Because I wanted to hate you. Somedays I did. Most of the time I just missed you.”

Richie’s heart clenched in his chest and he clenched his fingers sharply against the meat of his thigh. “I’m sorry, Eds.” Richie squeezed his eyes shut, leg shaking underneath him. This isn’t his strong suit, talking to people like this. Being open in any sense of the word had always been Richie’s deepest struggle. It had likely been the reason he hadn’t bothered to fight for him and Eddie in the first place.

“I wanna say it’s okay, but it’s not really.” Eddie shrugged one shoulder and kept his eyes on the road. It was starting to snow harder, getting harder to see through, and Richie wondered for a moment about how he’d forgotten that snow was beautiful when you weren’t freezing. His gaze slid from the front windshield and he looked at Eddie, knowing that he found him more beautiful than he would ever find snow.

“I get that.” Richie said. “Honestly, I’m surprised you’re even bothering to see me. I definitely didn’t expect you to be coming to my parents party tomorrow.”

“I’ve gone to your parents’ party every year, Richie.” Eddie said simply with a shrug of his shoulder and half a smile. “I helped you set up every year in high school and I wasn’t about to stop just because you were being a dick to everybody. It’s always been the best excuse to get away from my mother during the holidays, as much as it pissed her off.”

“I always thought you liked it so much because it pissed her off.” Richie said with a small smile, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth to hide his smile. Eddie’s lips twitched up in hint of his own grin, though he made no move to confirm or deny it. “I always sort of thought that’s why you spend so much time with me, to be honest. Nobody ever got under her skin like I did.” Eddie’s gazed jerked to look at him, something deep and worrisome in his eyes. Richie’s heart started racing in his chest, and palms began to sweat. “You know, the only time she ever got along with me was when I was giving her the good dick. A very serious love-hate relationship.”

“God, you’re fucking disgusting!” Eddie cried, letting go of the wheel to smack Richie in the arm. “You actually haven’t grown out of Your Mom jokes? You’re twenty-one man!”

Richie shook his head and let out a soft huff of a laugh. Silence settled in the vehicle and Richie wondered for a moment if he’d be able to open up the door and roll out. He cleared his throat and scratched at the back of his head. “So… your mom is still the worst then?”

Eddie rolled his eyes and let out a frustrated groan. “As if she’d ever be anything less than terrible.” He said. “You know what he’s like. Every time I come home she spends the entire time crying and whining and begging me to stay. That I shouldn’t go back to school, that I’m sick and she needs to take care of me. The usual bullshit.”

Richie frowned at his hands, shaking his head. Not for the first time, Richie Tozier wondered at the strength of Eddie Kaspbrak. Richie had known many brave and amazing people in his life, but he didn’t think anybody would ever be on the level of Eddie. Eddie, who could walk directly into the face of abuse and hold his ground and still be the kindest person he’d ever had the honour of knowing.

“Thank you for coming to pick me up.” Richie said quietly, pointedly staring out the front windshield even as he could feel Eddie watching him from the corner of his eye. “And thank you for not hating me.”

“I could never hate you, Richie.” Eddie said. “Trust me. I tried. Unfortunately, I think caring about somebody for 16 year is hard to turn off.”

“Yeah.” Richie agreed. He grabbed his phone from the pocket of his jeans and began fiddling with the car radio. Eddie chuckled at him, and Richie finally managed to hook his phone up to the bluetooth. Smiling, he clicked onto his private Spaghetti Songs playlist and hit shuffle. He hadn’t listened to this playlist in a ages, but he’d never had the heart to delete it. The smile that broke out on Eddie’s face as Cut to the Feeling by Carly Rae Jepson started playing made Richie overly happy that he never got rid of it.

They spent the rest of the ride in a comfortable relaxation, singing along to the gushy and lovely pop songs that weren’t usually Richie’s type of music but he couldn’t deny the little bubble of happy they gave him whenever he reminded hearing them for the first time and being reminded of Eddie. Nor the bubble of fondness he got in his chest when looked at Eddie and watched him sing along to every single one.

They pulled into Derry and Richie felt the panic begin to settle into his chest once again. His leg started bouncing and he felt that the air in the car got heavier. When they pulled into the Tozier’s driveway, Richie felt that maybe he’d been cemented to his seat. Eddie turned off the car and unbuckled, opening the car door before pausing. He slowed the door slowly and turned to Richie with a small frown. “Rich?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” Richie said, staring blankly ahead and now biting at his thumb nail. Eddie’s hand reached out and wrapped around Richie’s wrist, pulling it away from his mouth and holding it in his lap. Richie turned to look at him slowly, and thought maybe this was the first time Richie was really looking Eddie since he’d picked him up. He’d grown his hair out since the summer after high school, curling around his ears and the base of his neck. His face was freckled even with the darkness that came with winter and his shoulders had definitely broadened. He wondered randomly for a moment if Eddie still ran. “I’m fine. I just… need a moment.”

Eddie pulled Richie’s arm into his lap and rested against the seat of the car. “Okay. But I’ve already turned the car off so it’s about to get really cold in here and you’re a little California baby now.” Richie reached over and flicked Eddie in the ear. Eddie swatted at him with the hand that didn’t have a tight grip about Richie’s wrist. “And I can see Alex’s face in the window, so she knows you’re here.”

Richie looked over and sure enough, he could see his little sister peering out from between the curtains. His stomach tensed with anxiety as his heart leapt with love. “Alright.” He said with a soft sigh. “Let’s fucking get this over with then.”

“That’s the spirit.” Eddie said with a laugh. He patted Richie on the shoulder twice then ducked out of the car. Richie took another moment to try and gather himself together before quickly figuring out that he wasn’t going to get any more prepared than he was right now.

Richie kicked off his boots as he came in the house, and didn’t have a chance to take them off before somebody was latching themselves tightly around his midsection.”RICHIE!” Alex cried, pressing her face directly into his stomach. Alexandria Tozier had been a shock to Went and Maggie, barely four years old when Richie had moved out, and he adored her.

“Hey kiddo.” Richie said, trying to cover up how his voice cracked and broke as he squeezed his baby sister. She stepped back and Richie got his first good look at her. Her hair was longer and waved down her back, and her huge grin was missing several teeth. “Look at you! You’re all grown up, you in high school yet?”

Alex broke into giggles, wrapping her arms back around Richie’s stomach. “Noooo Richie. I’m only in grade two.”

“Grade two!” Richie gasped overdramatically, bending slightly and grunting as he heaved Alex up into his arms. Alex looked at him seriously for a moment then cracked into a grin and Richie couldn’t help but smile back. He kicked off his boots and walked into the crowded living room, holding Alex to his chest like a shield.

“Richie!” Maggie cried as he entered, coming forward to wrap her arms around her son. Richie leaned down and kissed his mother on the cheek, and Alex rested her head on Richie’s shoulder. Her eyes were already drooping and Richie couldn’t help but wonder if she was staying up past her bedtime to see him.

Eddie was chatting with Wentworth across the living room and Richie’s heart began to race in his chest. He tossed Alex down onto the couch touchdown style, leaving her laughing into the cushions as he walked over to them.

“Hey Pops.” Richie said, scratching at the back of his neck.

Went turned to him, expression stoney. “Edward has told me there’s no need for me to lecture you since he has that covered. I trust that is true.”

“Yes sir.” Richie replied with a somber nod.

Went broke into a smile and pulled Richie in for a hug. “It’s good to have you home, son. Hope to see you around here more often.”

Richie thought of how much Alex had grown, of sitting with Eddie in the car listening to music and felt his father’s warmth around. “Yeah, Dad. Absolutely.”

“Only issue,” Eddie broke into the father-son moment with a sing song voice. Richie turned and Eddie beamed at him. “I basically live in your room when I’m back in Derry, so you’re going to have to share your bed with me.”

Richie’s brain stalled at the thought of Eddie living in his childhood bedroom for the last three years and he wasn’t quite sure if he felt uncomfortable with it or not, but his brain got caught up in the even scarier thought of sharing a bed with Eddie.

As the evening went on, Richie tried with all his might not to think about the last time he and Eddie had laid together in that bed. It had been Eddie’s last night in Derry, the two of them curled under the blankets and watching shitty movies and drinking so much soda that Eddie had gotten a stomach ache. A good old fashioned middle school style sleepover. That is until Eddie had rolled over with tears in eyes, and apologized that they couldn’t be together the way they wanted, and kissed him. Everything else that happened between them that night hurt too much to think about, and Eddie had left the next morning without a single word about it. Richie had barely spoken to him since- until today.

Everything died down quickly, and Richie found that he was exhausted. After helping his mom put Alex to bed, though he suspected that the nighttime routine was a little elaborated for his presence, Richie said goodnight to his family and Eddie and dragged his ass up to his childhood bedroom.

Everything seemed smaller than Richie remembered, and the walls were littered with posters of bands that Richie hadn’t listened to in years. He smiled, though he wasn’t quite sure what was getting to him in the moment, and opened up the top drawer of his dresser. Most of the clothes he’d left behind had actually once belonged to one of the other Losers, and Richie ended up in a too-large T-shirt that was most likely Ben’s, and a pair of sweatpants that were just short enough in the leg to be Bill’s. He crawled into bed and sleep took faster than it had in ages.

He was woken a bit later by the door opening and closing. He rolled over onto his back and squinted, but he couldn’t see shit in the dark without his glasses.

“It’s just me.” Eddie said in soft whisper. “I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.”

Richie rolled over, more than happy to do that. He’d started to doze when the bed dipped under the weight of Eddie climbing in beside him. Richie grunted and burrowed himself deeper into the blankets.

“Rich?” Eddie whispered. Richie groaned in response. “Are you sure you’re okay with sharing with me? This is your bed, and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I don’t live here, I can go back and stay with my Ma-”

“Eddie if you think I’m even gonna let you to stay at your mom’s, you’re insane.” Richie said, his voice croaking with half-sleep. “If I was uncomfortable with you in my bed, I would’ve fucking told you. We’ve shared this bed a hundred million times or more. We’re only going to start having an issue if you don’t shut the fuck up and let me sleep.”

Eddie chuckled, and when he spoke his voice sounded a little awestruck. “Richie Tozier telling somebody to shut the fuck up? That must be a first.”

“There’s about to be a second.” Richie grumbled, grabbing a pillow out from where Eddie was leaning and whacking him in the face with it. Eddie laughed and Richie felt him finally lay down completely beside him.

It was definitely the best sleep Richie had had in months, but he wasn’t about to go around announcing it.

The next morning, Richie woke up alone in his bed and felt a momentary panic when he took in his whereabouts. It took a moment for everything to come sinking back in, and Richie groaned as he put the pieces back together. He flung the blankets up over his head and wondered if he’d be able to get away with wasting the day away in bed. He never came home for the holidays, maybe if he just stayed in his room, his family would just forget he was there.

The bedroom door came swinging open immediately after Richie’s thoughts trailed off, and he forced himself not to make any noise or sudden movements.

“Asshole, get up.” His older sister, Alyssa, called into the room. “Mom and Dad need you and Eddie to go pick up some stuff for the party tonight.”

“Why do I have to do it?” Richie grumbled. “I was in a different state yesterday! That kind of shit takes a lot out of a guy!”

Alyssa grabbed the blankets that were still hung over Richie’s head and tossed them away. She glared down at him, hands on her hips, and Richie couldn’t help but think she looked exactly like their mother. “Last ones in do the bitch work. And you have like, three years worth of bitch work to make up for. So let’s go, move your ass, Tozier.”

“Fuck you, Tozier.”

Richie rolled out bed quite literally, letting himself drop to the floor. He didn’t need to look up to know that Alyssa was rolling her eyes as she walked away out of his room. Richie rummaged back through the drawer o’ missing clothes, and came out with a large grey sweater- much too large to belong to Richie himself- and pulled back on the jeans from the day before. Tossing his outgrown hair up into a bun on top of his head, Richie half stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Maggie barely looked up at him as she handed him a cup of steaming hot chocolate and Richie leaned in to kiss her on the forehead. He turned towards the table and found Eddie sitting there, eating a blueberry muffin and glaring at him. “Got an issue, Kaspbrak?” Richie challenged, sitting down across from him and grabbing his own muffin from the plate.

“Are you wearing the same jeans from yesterday?” Eddie asked with a crinkle of his nose.

“Judging by the look on your face, you already know the answer to that, Eduardo.”

Eddie fake gagged. “Richie, that’s so fucking disgusting, are you kidding? What? You’re just going to wear the same pants the entire time you’re here? You’re going to get an… an infection or something. God, Richie. When we go out today, you’re getting some clothes.” Richie opened his mouth but Eddie put his hand out. “And don’t even try to complain to me, it’s your own damn fault for not bringing any stuff when you knew you were going to be here for a week.”

Richie rolled his eyes and didn’t bother trying to cover up his pout. He’d had to borrow a coat from his dad, and was forced to venture out into two feet of snow in his Converse sneakers and Eddie was talking a mile a minute at his side.

“I’m not fucking buying a pair of boots, Eddie.” Richie rolled his eyes as he dropped into the passenger seat of Eddie’s car. “They’re like 60 bucks a pair, and I live in fucking California. I’m not spending $60 on something I’m only going to use for a week. I’m a broke college student, just like you.”

“Please.” Eddie scoffed, pulling out of the driveway and starting slowly down the snowy road. “If you say so.”

They drove in an almost eerily comfortable silence. No music, not taking, just them while Richie tried to ignore how immensely he was enjoying Eddie’s company. Richie curled up in the passenger seat, head pressed against the window and he sighed. He watched his breath fog up the glass and slowly traced a R + E into the fog with his finger. He immediately wiped it away with the palm of his hand and glanced over his shoulder, relaxing when it seemed that Eddie hadn’t noticed.

Eddie pulled into the parking lot of Shaw’s Supermarket and Richie stayed curled up in his seat until Eddie came around and yanked the door open. “Come on.” He said with a huff. “I’m not going to do the shopping by myself. Move it.”

Richie groaned, and made exaggerated stomps out of the car. He kept his arms crossed as they hurried through the parking lot and Eddie grabbed them a cart. As soon as Eddie had his bearings on the cart, Richie leap over it and curled up inside, crossed legged and grinning up at Eddie.

“The cart is for groceries, not your lazy ass.” Eddie grumbled, but he started pushing the cart into the store nonetheless. Richie spun around in the cart, grabbing things off the shelves when Eddie pointed them out and holding them on his lap.

Eddie maintained that Richie was being lazy and merely looking for an excuse to get out of the shopping as much as possible, but Richie firmly believed that the trip went by faster without Eddie having to stop for every single item they needed to grab.

“That would have been true either way, you’d just also be walking, dickhead.” Eddie argued after Richie had leap out of the cart and was helping him unload everything onto the belt. “Maybe we could have taken turns pushing the cart even.”

“Awe, Eds, that’s the funniest joke you’ve ever made.” Richie said over his shoulder as he paid the cashier. Richie grabbed as many bags as he could carry and they dragged everything back to car.

Richie turned on Christmas Carols on the drive back to his house, and after mild complaining- Eddie even sang along with him.

As they arrived back at the Toziers, they realized how many extra cars were now parked outside. There was space for Eddie to pull into the driveway- no doubt at Maggie’s demand for the safety of her much needed groceries- and Richie found that anxiety from the night before quickly settling back into his gut.

“Relax, Rich.” Eddie said in a calming voice. His hand dropped down on Richie’s thigh and squeezed. Richie’s breath picked up, Eddie successfully doing the opposite of calming him down. “Richie. I can feel you freaking out. What is your problem?”

“I can’t go in there, Eddie.” Richie said, voice pitched and words rushed together. Richie suddenly felt fifteen again, deeply in love with his best friend and afraid to do anything. A boy who likes boy is a dead boy, Richie thought to himself and remembered growing up in this horrific town around people he could only hope would accept him but he was never sure. He was never sure, he isn’t sure.

But Eddie with looking at him with wide eyes, concerned and open. Willing to listen to whatever Richie was struggling with and it made Richie so nervous he could throw up.

Richie ran both hands over his face and sighed loudly. “I cut off everybody I loved, Eds. They’re all in that fucking house, I can’t go in there. I wouldn’t be able to stand it. I can’t go in there and lie to them, or dodge their fucking questions of why I never come home. I just can’t.”

“Why do you have to lie?” Eddie asked, frowning deeply.

“Because I can't just go in there and be all ‘hey everybody! Sorry you haven’t seen me in three years but I went off to college and stopped repressing my homosexuality and now I’m a big giant gay! Surprise! I didn’t bring any present!’”

Richie blurted out the sentence in a span of seconds, words all pressed together until they were barely coherent and Eddie blinked at him as his brain attempted to detangle the mess. His eyes widened as he finally did, and he turned off the car. He buckled himself and almost fell out of the door in his haste to get out.

Tears stung at his eyes as Richie’s brain spiraled down the dark panic of Eddie turning his back on him. Luckily for Richie, Eddie had only been out of the car long enough to rush around to the passenger side and yank it open.

“Come on, out. Let’s go.” Eddie forcibly unbuckled Richie and tugged him out of the car. Hand in hand, Eddie dragged him around the house and towards the backyard.

“Uh, Eds?” Richie’s knees shook brutally as they walked. “What about the groceries?”

“It’s cold enough.” Eddie said sharply. “It’ll basically be like it being a fridge. Relax. This is more important.”

Eddie sat down on the swing set and Richie sat down slowly on the other side. He suddenly remembered all the summer and fall days Richie and his friends would run around on this small swing set. He wondered if Alex and her friends even played on it, and he hoped desperately that they did.

It had started snowing lightly, like flakes falling into their hair. Richie, despite the lingering anxiety, couldn’t help but smile at the way Eddie’s cheeks were starting to redden with the chill. Richie pushed his swing enough to sway, enough to just have something to do.

“Richie-“ Eddie started then paused. He bit down on his bottom lip and furrowed his brow. “I don’t know how to say this politely, so I’m just going to spit it down. Richie. Your family knows you’re gay.”

Richie’s mouth dropped open. He closed his sharply, just to open it again. He shook his head, and closed his eyes. Swallowing deeply, when he opened them again, Eddie was still staring at him softly. “How do you know that?”

Eddie laughed. “Dude, do you know how much I’ve had to hear your mom talk about how she thought we were dating in high school? I’m not sure she believes me when I say that we weren’t.”

“I’m not sure I believe you either.” Richie said quietly, so quietly that he was almost surprised that Eddie even heard him. But Eddie let a small noise, almost as though he was pained.

Suddenly, Eddie’s hands were on Richie’s cheeks and pulling him in. Eddie’s lips were cold and Richie knew his were chapped and probably not very nice, but there was something so heartachingly familiar about kissing Eddie that Richie couldn’t help but sink into it completely.

Eddie pulled back slowly, letting their foreheads stay pressed together. Richie fluttered his eyes open, looking at Eddie with hooded lids. “Why’d you do that?” Richie whispered.

“I’m sorry.” Eddie said sounding mournful. “For… saying we shouldn’t be together and everything that happened before I left for New York. It wasn’t fucking fair to you, you deserved so much better.” Eddie shook his head, pushing Richie’s head as they moved together. “God. I loved you so much and I knew I was hurting you. I was always so sure that the reason you wouldn't come back to Derry because of me.”

Richie shrugged and brought his hands down to rest on Eddie’s hips. “There was a lot of versions. But…” Richie smiled bashfully. “I think I’m glad I came back this time.”

Eddie smiled back and pressed a kiss to Richie’s forehead.

#reddie #reddie fic #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #my writing #r + e #otp: i'll chance it #ss fic #DONE WE'RE DONE FAM #im so happy

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