#personal ideas. maybe theyre not correct! who knows! but i have ideas

[localsolverhost]

i actually have a lot of theories about ep7 and the solver and cyn and a bunch of stuff i just have No Idea how to put them in words. yet

[magpod-confessions]

hi. so because i'm normal about jonathan sims and jmart. um.

i really like jmart. i think there could have been MUCH better buildup, but... ultimately it's a very cute ship. i think the appeal, yeah, is a lot that it's just canon. but.

they're both deeply broken people. jon wasn't loved enough. his grandmother tried her best, but he was never cuddled, never read to, never had a chance to *be a little kid*, really. and martin was never loved. maybe he convinced himself he was just never loved the right way, that his mum just didn't know how to show it because he was so *insufferable* and *incompetant*, but no matter the lies he tells himself, martin was not shown love by his mother.

and then they meet. and martin gives and gives and gives because that's all he knows. and jon has no idea how to receive because he never really had anything to receive. and jon's coping mechanism, with that unknown situation, is to reinforce his emotional walls. martin does not know how to stop giving. so they don't work at this point, not at all.

and then jon's emotional walls come tumbling down. well, moreso that they were violently destroyed, with prentiss and all. jon has no support system!!! tim hates him because he's a fucking *stalker*, martin... well... he can't rely on martin, of all people. and sasha... he never knew her too well, but she's acting strange. so jon and martin don't work together at that point, romantically, i think partially because jon won't let it.

in big part, jmart is built on mutual trauma (NOT traumabonding!! i know it's used that way in podcast, but that's not the correct definition) and ... martin being pretty much the only person jon has left. of course, there's basira and melanie and georgie, but they don't *get it*. they didn't go through everything jon did alongside him. sure, martin didn't either, but martin has been there the whole time.

it's partially a relationship of proximity, partially shared trauma, but i do think a lot of it is genuine care for each other (even if that care stems from the former two reasons).

anyways. theyre really cute. tma could have been just as good without it, but---and im saying this as someone who typically despises most romance in media---i really adore them and their dynamic. it opens up so many doors for both character- and self-exploration.

martin learning to love without sacrificing himself. jon learning to love openly, period. explorations of trust and how mutual trauma that affected people in different ways can shape them, etc etc etc. and of course, this is all in fics and in my own mind, because . theyre dead . (i wont accept any ending but that, honestly. theyre not Somewhere Else to me). but. it's nice. they mean a lot to me as characters and as people and as a pair. thumbs up.

and some jon ranting!! because i. admit. finally. that i might be a bit of a jon kinnie.

jon doubts himself, constantly, unless his decision is completely impulsive (ex. the coffin). he can't *let* himself feel, fully, because as a child it was always annoying/obnoxious, or too much, or wrong in some ambiguous, nebulous way.

he's out of touch with himself emotionally. it's... not so much that he doesn't get emotions, it's moreso that he's repressed the majority of his own so intensely that he has a hard time dealing with others' emotions because he's not too sure what it's supposed to feel like without a heavy flavouring of shame.

he's read a lot of books. he knows, in theory, what sadness or romantic love or anger or excitement feels like---and occasionally in practice, when the repression and 'compartmentalisation' (bottling it up) becomes too much and it all boils over---but he has a hard time relating those hypothetical and heat-of-the-moment feelings to actual, real life people.

he struggles with empathy, severely. partially an autistic thing, partially a trauma response. yknow. he's genuinely well-meaning when it comes to comforting those he cares about, but he's not sure of the right thing to say because of how severely that muscle has atrophied. he was never taught that with his grandmother and her neglect (and yes, no matter what he says on tape, it was emotional neglect) and then not having very many friends... he missed those prime developmental stages as a child.

he never empathised with book characters, i don't think. he was always the observer, never really fully putting himself in the role of the protagonist. he definitely used books as an escapist coping mechanism, but it wasn't in a visiting-this-fictional-world way, it was more of a losing-himself-in-the-story way, if that makes sense. there was always a sense of detachment. reading was an *in between* of his life and the life of the protagonist.

he struggles with his and others' feelings because, from his perspective, his emotions are uniquely shameful, uniquely embarrassing, and uniquely *harmful* to other people. so, he represses them, and doesn't let himself feel them unless they're 'useful'. and then, when he can't apply this ideology to others' emotions, he has no way to deal with them. he freezes up because this is a situation in which he has no real experience in, and, as a child who was punished for behaving autistically *wrong* ---whether by his peers or his grandmother---he's scared to make a wrong move.

he sees himself as a person who is uniquely capable of harm. other people can hurt other people, sure, but jon can hurt them in a *special* way, a *worse* way, because he is a fundamentally wrong, bad person.

yeah👍

.🗣️

I AM EATING THIS I agree with this yea

[crguang]

im curious abt what it would be like for himeko or natasha to lash out because they seem like theyre in control of their emotions most of the time

YES. YES. let’s think about it because one thing about me, i need to see composed/put together/relaxed women lose their mind. like my type of characters are women who are always very in control and the best part of that (aside from the micro expressions) is seeing them turn into irrational, emotional messes. it’s just so delicious. i think they might have similar reactions in that context because they’re both very patient and understanding people who don’t get mad often

i can see natasha’s mood getting darker from the amount of stress and responsibility on her shoulders, and her own perceived uselessness maybe? she knows she can’t uphold the entire underground on her own, that’s why she delegates and leave some jobs to the people best suited for them. she wouldn’t think herself useless usually (so many ppl depend on her, she knows she makes a huge difference in their lives) but there are things she cant do, patients she cant save and injustice she cant correct. when you think about it she must have seen so many people die and she hadnt heard from her own family for years just to find out her brother and father are dead like i think the accumulation of stress, grief, lack of sleep would make her lose her mind eventually. she’s probably finishing some things up at the clinic, it’s past midnight, and as she does the inventory she finds they’re missing some supplies and just snaps. theyre always missing supplies like it’s not something that would usually make her break down but today she just cant. she probably cries silently and refuses to be comforted (“i’m fine.”) i can also see her words cutting deep when she’s reaaally angry but theyre mostly directed at herself; they’re self-deprecating and venomous and any attempt you make to disagree with her will have her telling you to leave because she wants to be alone. she shouldn’t be left alone though i think she could only feel her feelings with someone there to validate them instead of brushing them away bc she has more important issues to deal with

i’m not sure about himeko but i guess i can see her getting mad when others’ safety/lives are on the line. like she strikes me as the type of person to get deeply upset if you do something reckless and get yourself/others injured in the process— she’s relieved you’re okay but all that anxiety, worry, apprehension etc will morph into anger and if you try to appease her by saying something like “it turned out fine though!” ouhhh…. obviously she knows that. she wants you to take accountability for your actions and stop being so thick headed! she doesn’t get angry often at all bc she can forgive most things easily, so like natty it would have to be an accumulation of different situations happening and weighing on her imo. the trigger would have to be something serious tho. it’s so hard to picture her anything but composed bc we know so little about hsr himeko and she keeps a cool head even in stressful situations😭 like i kinda have no idea LMFAOO

[the-s1lly-corner]

hey, may i request hcs of laughing jack + slenderman x nonbinary, afab!reader who gets misgendered/bullied a lot but is too scared to correct/stand up to ppl? happens to me a lot :[

laughing jack and slenderman x afab!nonbinary!reader

im so so sorry you keep getting treated like dookie- as a fellow afab nb i totally get your pain with the misgendering, people just need to hush up

notes: reader is afab and nonbinary, established relationships, both canon characters have limited knowledge of lgbt topics but thats mostly because they hardly interact with people or media

cws: transphobia, canon typical violence, mentions of stalking

laughing jack

doesnt get to interact with many people much, so hes a little limited on his knowledge- and given that he originally started existing in the Victorian era? hoo boy- hes not transphobic or otherwise lgbtphobic but there is some ignorance

can see himself as using some labels once he gets more educated on it, though! always headcanoned laughing jack to be gnc!

tries to help you appear more androgynous or masculine if thats what you want! he doesnt mind playing dress up with you, and hes definitely going to take it as a moment to turn it into a game and try to cheer you up!

openly mocks the people who bully you, as well as outright saying that theyre just a bunch of jerks who... dont deserve nice things to head their way.. to keep the description vague

similar to slenderman, hes going to go out and get some vengeance if things get ugly enough

he doesnt like going out without you, hes a bit clingy.. but the sight of you being so distraught really makes his insides coil like snakes.. does not like it at all

even tries to push for you to carry him around in his box so he can just jump and slash anyone who says anything- though thats not a very good idea... would give him away quickly

slenderman

he doesnt understand much about gender, and honestly? i can easily see him being agender, or maybe gender apathetic simply due to him not showing interest in his own identity. he rarely wants to be perceived anyway

despite not knowing much about it and not caring how others see him, he can understand just a little bit on why it matters to you- especially when youre seen as something youre not and harassed for it

rest assured that if he ever finds out someone is harassing you, he will silent them quickly. out right offing them or stalking them over a period of time, the result will end in you having one less person on your back... then two.. then three.. and so on

actually the fact that people seem to either go missing or skip town not long after messing with you makes many keep their mouths shut- and before you even think that might prompt someone to harm you under the guise that its YOU doing it, slenderman isnt going to let that happen

he listens to you if you need to talk about your feelings on it, hes unsure of how to verbally help you affirm your gender identity but if you outright ask him how he views you; he tells you that you pass in his eyes regardless of if you present more femininely, masculine, or androgynously.. though that may be because of his aforementioned limited knowledge on the topic... hes supportive nonetheless!

[mejomonster]

So Sherlock Holmes Chapter One (from my naive just-started-playing perspective) seems to be a soft reboot of Frogwares Sherlock games, in the sense its a sort of origin story of Sherlock before he meets John Watson amd is the generally well known investigator with the personality and talents we (overall) expect. Since its a sort of origin story, it opens on a Sherlock (Sherry) with some personality traits in different values to the standard Later Sherlock, and with some skills just not as good yet (his deductions Feel far more fallible as they can be wrong in this game, or impossible to determine for sure if correct, amd from a gameplay perspective a young still growing Sherlock makes this feel more realistic, vice versa from a story perspective the gameplay lets them show Sherlock's young character and growth in the game). As a sort of original origin story, Frogwares has this creative freedom to change Sherlock (and add to/remove/edit) the Series as much as Sherlock adaptations do when they veer into some brand new aspects (like say Elementary, House, Psych). This is still the Sherlock Holmes we mostly know (or rather will BECOME the Sherlock Holmes from the original books mostly), but the changes made to him in Chapter One carry over into The Awakened. The 2nd game using this adapted version of Sherlock Holmes with the character changes and background history context that this original story in Chapter One added to the character. So it makes The Awakened feel more like an adaptation (like say Elementary or House etc) rather than an attempt to be mostly matching Book Sherlock.

Mostly, i like it. I like seeing original ideas and how theyre played with. Its like seeing an AU of sherlock, or a canon compliant add on (like in fanfiction). Its like the stories of Sherlock written after ACDs stories, based on them, but making new Sherlocks to some extent. Or interpreting in new ways by adding new ideas, or changing one or two, or changing setting and seeing how that effects the characters/story (like time period changed in Elementary etc).

I havent played the older Frogwares games (Crimes and Punishments is next on my list to play, maybe The Devils Daughter?), but i assume for the most part theyre going to be what i expect of BOOK Sherlock if put into new cases/situations.

Whereas Chapter One, is one (of a million) possible ideas of who book Sherlock might have been Before. Possibly taken to a bit of an AU route, just because i think in Chapter One they lean into a few character traits and growth arcs (and quirks) that make this Sherlock feel a bit distinctly different from the Original Sherlock cultural expectations from audiences. Chapter One Sherlock wants no friends, no anyone close to him, is bad with people. Thats a trait he gets better at by The Awakened, but its also one that some Adaptations give to Sherlock more than perhaps original Sherlock may actually have. Chapter One Sherlock, most notably, is given an origin story where his mom suffered from intense grief of his father's death, her own mental health deteriorated and she got ill, he felt unable to help (and was sheltered/lied to about the whole situation), was attacked by his mom (which his childhood self somewhat blamed himself for), and she died (and he blocked out the memory it was so painful). The origin story in the game is why he ultimately withdrew from people: he feared hurting them (fearing he hurt his mother), he feared them hurting him (his mom dying, mycroft lying, dad dying), he feared loving and losing them (for understandable reasons). Its not just a trait in general, that he doesnt like socializing with people or simply isnt good at it, in the game its a trait in part Because he's afraid of connecting to people and at least partly is pushing them away on purpose. The origin story in the game also has Sherlock react so strong to his dads death, his general childhood, that he has an imaginary friend Jon he relies on to self sooth. Because its a game, its a wonderfully utilized aspect that lets the player have a companion and Sherlock bounce off ideas aloud (when to a degree its just him working things out to himself). Its a tangible visible manifestation of what Sherlock emotionally goes through inside: his disassociation from reality and his own feelings, his desires FOR companionship and relating to people, his love of mystery and adventure and its escapist purpose for him, his care for people embodied by Jons compassion for others, his morality clearly more than sherlock lets on as he insists he doesnt value connection but does value Jon and Jon values connection so on some level Sherlock does and knows its valuable, its his hopes and fears, his self soothing to heal himself And his coping mechanisms of avoiding his own feelings and reality. Jon is a wonderful way to externalize all that so the audience can understand Sherlock internally, and so Sherlock can understand himself. (It also makes for an interesting original and emotional young Sherlock story).

But it has consequences. Jon is handled very significantly, which means going forward, when THIS chapter one Sherlock is used in future games its no longer just the Expected Overall General Sherlock. Its now a very specifically adapted Sherlock, with the character changes and history from chapter one informing how this new version of Sherlock is unique.

In The Awakened, this is a Sherlock we the player know had his own imaginary friend. We know he'd dissociated before. We know his mom had memory loss and believed her dead husband was alive, and how real it seemed to her while it was also very Painful to her family, we know Sherlock's seen doctors fail to heal mental health and potentially do harm without it being stopped in time. And its very interesting to see a Chapter One adaptation Sherlock in The Awakened scenarios. This version of Sherlock isnt going to question being transported to another dimension: partly because as any Sherlock does, he will assume a logical explanation like having breathed in drugs and hallucinated. But also, this Sherlock has seen things that no one else can like his imaginary friend Jon, his false memories then remembered memories, knows he's lied to himself with his own memories or completely blocked things out before. So it makes sense he wouldnt think a new dimension is weird to see: it could be his own mind making it up, or blocking out whats really there, he'd just accept the current thing he's seeing and act practical. When they go to the mental hospital, he sees the girl talk to her doll and to him its not much different than how he talked to Jon, when the doll talks it doesnt really matter if the girl is pretending to talk for the doll OR if the doll genuinely talks and is sentient. Its the girls business, Sherlock just intends to solve the mystery. He's not better than the girl, he's not judging the girl or her situation, he's quite neutral. He's been to some extent where she is, and still calls out to Jon when afraid, and can understand some of her own perspective. When he meets Becker, and realizes who it is, there's a parallel there between a mom who in Chapter One has the backstory of memory loss (and how Sherlock saw it growing up) and seeing Becker who's had that fate intentionally done to him by the head doctor. So from this version of Sherlock, theres an added weight to how cruel that is viewed by him. This Sherlock sees intentionally making someone forget as an extremely cruel thing to do. He views his own forgetting and then remembering the truth in chapter one, as ultimately a good thing despite being incredibly painful. So we know going into The Awakened that hes going to hate people who cause others to forget, who hurt other's minds or medically abuse others, he's going to have some compassion and understanding for the victims, and he's going to value people remembering the truth and the truth being Revealed to more people as positives. He's going to not question possibly supernatural things, as he's seen things others dont before and might even assume seeing such things is normal For him (so he doesnt question why he might see something Watson doesnt for example). The whole Chapter One shaping of Sherlock Holmes adds this interesting angle on a new Story. It could be any story now, and if Sherlock saw things others didnt we may not know for sure if they were there or just there for Sherlock. It could be any story now, and Sherlock may not question some things and instead consider them normal, and might have a particular hatred for lies and medical abuse to an extent even greater than perhaps expected of other Sherlock adaptations. And in this particular The Awakened story, it has things to play with that make Sherlock interact with the mystery in some ways that i dont think another adaptation might have. (Again, about the girl and her doll, i think a version of Sherlock who'e never had Jon might view and judge her thinking differently, i think a version of Sherlock who'd never forgotten his own memories or had Jon might question going to another dimension or hearing voices a Bit More).

Im only about 50% through the Awakened so feel free to ignore as i may get some things totally wrong. I just find it interesting how some Chapter One writing decisions make this Holmes a new version.

[yoonyia]

I'm fighting with spirits trying not to murder this book for what they're doing with jane

THIS IS THE ONLY PART OF THE BOOK THAT REALLY MAKES ME ACTIVELY HATE THE BOOK

please

don't do that

I dont mind the idea of giving Jane a human body

hell at this point I think it's necessary and a essential part of the plot

BUT DONT FRAME IT AS WHAT SHE ALWAYS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE

DONT CONPARE HER TO PINOCCHIO

PINOCCHIO WAS MADE IN THE WISH THAT HE WOULD BE A HUMAN CHILD AND WAS GIVEN THE ABILITY TO FUFILL THAT PURPOSE

JANE WAS MADE AS A BRIDGE BETWEEN THE HIVE QUEEN AND ENDER AND DEVELOPED INTO AN ANSIBLE WIDE IDENTITY

SHE WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE A HUMAN

SHE WASENT INITIALLY CREATED WITH THE PURPOSE OF BEING A HUMAN

SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BRIDGE SURE BUT TO ASK HER TO GET INTO A HUMAN BODY IS SAYING THAT THE ALIEN PART OF HER IS NONEXISTENT

THAT SHE SHOULD REJECT IT BECAUSE ITS "NOT WHO SHE REALLY IS"

THAT A PART OF WHAT MAKES HER HER ISNT THE FACT THAT SHE IS NOT A HUMAN

THEYRE TREATING THIS SACREFICE AND LAST RESORT LIFE SUPPORT AS ITS THE CORRECT THING THAT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED

SHE WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO MIMIC AND YEARN FOR THE PERFECT REPLICANT OF HUMANITY

WHAT SHES DOING RIGHT NOW SHOULD BE TREATED AS WHAT WE FEEL WHEN WE WANT TO LEAVE OUR MORTAL FLESH SUITS AND BE UPLOADED INTO THE INTERNET SO WE LIVE FORVER

THIS IS LITTERALLY JUST THAT

BUT DO WE LOOK AT THE DIGITAL COPIES AND THINK "this is how we should have been always"

DO YOU HEAR HOW INSANE THAT SOUNDS????

"we should have been 1s and 0s this entire time and I don't know why we waited until my body was litterally unusable and my human life was dead to find a way to sustain it, this was how I should have been since birth!"

LIKE

wait

fuck

no, I can see people saying that

OK LIKE ITS SAYING TO AN AMPUTEE THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN BORN WITHOUT THEIR LEG

THAT SOMEHOW HAVING A LEG MADE THEM LESS OF A PERSON

AND THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE CHOPPED IT OFF SOONER

EVEN WHEN IT WAS HEALTHY AND PERFECTLY USABLE

THAT WITH A LEG THEY WERE UNFINISHED

I MEAN I DONT PERSONALLY HAVE A MISSING LEG BUT I FEEL LIKE ITS PRETTY SAFE TO SAY THAT A MAJORITY OF AMPUTEES WOULD PREFER TO HAVE THEIR LIMB AGAIN IF IT DIDNT CAUSE THEM PAIN OR RISK THEIR LIVES

AND EVEN IF THEY THINK THAT THE AMPUTATION IMPROVED THEIR LIVES IN WAYS UNRELATED TO PAIN I DONT THINK THEY WOULD EVER SAY THAT HAVING A FULL INTACT LIMB MADE THEM ANY LESS MEANINGFUL???

LIKE JANE IS STILL AS MEANINGFUL AND IMPORTANT AS WHEN SHE WAS A PHILTONIC ENTITY, BUT THAT DOSENT MEAN THAT SHE WAS LESS WHOLE BECAUSE SHE WAS ONE????

IS THAT NOT A THING PEOPLE UNDERSTAND?

I'm sorry this got convoluted I'm just really upset

the parallels between miro getting his magical recovery from his disability and then having to help someone who also basically got all her limbs, eyes and senses chopped off would have been such a nice thing to watch? I MEAN LIKE HONESTLY REJOICE THAT SHE DIDNT DIE

BUT TREAT IT WITH THE SAME MOURNING SOMEONE FEELS WHEN THEY ARE PARALYZED?

LIKE IM NOT MAD OTHER PEOPLE ARE HAPPIER ABOUT JANE BEING HUMAN, THAT MAKES SENSE BECAUSE TO THEM JANE WAS JUST A HUMAN ON SCREEN IN SOME AMOUNT OF DISTANCE AWAY

but to jane she just lost everything???????

SHE DIED

SHE DIED AND GOT A LITTLE BIT OF HER AUTONOMY BACK

ITS EXHILARATING AND NEW AND BRIGHT BUT THAT DOSENT MEAN SHE DIDNT LOSE SOMETHING???

ok maybe comparing it to a disability is too much of a human perspective on it (even tho the book insists she is human FOR FUCKS SAKES I CANT BE HAPPY)

let's say to her the human body is better because it is so new and so wonderful and so much simpler and easier and lighter and mobile and has all of these new things she can do like sweat and laugh and cry and shit and move

because for a disability you're losing several functions and gaining proportionally little and that's not exactly what's happening to Jane (I personally think a human body does less things compared to all digital material and activity between half a trillion people at any given time BUT THATS PROBABLY BECAUSE IVE BEEN LIVING IN A HUMAN BODY SO LONG I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO BE ALIVE, I DONT KNOW)

then treat it like it's that

make her struggle with EVERYTHING

give us more internal dialog of EVERYTHING being new

make it more full of awe and a new discovery and not a long lost longing finally fulfilled

DONT TREAT IT LIKE SHES FINALLY COMPLETE NOW

PLEASE

SHE IS NOT A HUMAN

NOT A HOMO SAPIEN I TELL YOU

I think I might have said something bad in this ramble and if so please correct me I'm not very versed in the nuances of disability and being human and aliens.

I just wanted to express my anger at the writing

I'm sorry for screaming

[raisinchallah]

you know the post that had me the most oh my god maybe im not autistic this is insane was this video where this guy was like acting out a fake dialogue with a neurotypical person who was annoyed that he was overexplaining things and hes like well ur not doing it right and like saying just full stop its the neurotypical persons fault for being annoyed at being told how to do stuff because they were unenlightened to the correct way and like seemingly not able to understand this would annoy someone and everyone in the comments was wholeheartedly agreeing wishing everyone was super normal about being told how to do stuff which is so wild to me cuz i get like the overexplaining thing and i know it often is not like malice or critique but literally how are u not driven up a wall because its like immovable object vs immovable object like this conflict would be worse with two autistic people tbh this isnt a neurotypical thing no force on earth greater than an autistic person and their specific routine like dont tell me this is wrong dont tell me what to do explodes u with eye lasers like akfkakkf im very familiar with this type of conflict my last job i had a coworker literally nicest dude in the world but was soooo particular about how stuff was done like more stringent than our managers telling me to only shake the noodles dry with a specific hand grip type stuff and again he meant zero malice and was just trying to help me and train me but i literally felt like i was clawing the fucking walls like um dont break my routine and like again i get the impulse i do i was like mentally feeling like noo how could u be doing it wrong (different from me) when working with my less experienced coworker and like i get the insane micromanager thing lol my autistic dad also hates being told what to do but will try to offer wayyy too much help and advice and corrections to the point u cant do it urself and i think i was just like so fascinated and appalled that like i fully get people being like of course my overexplaining is just helpful and kind cuz thats how its taken but having zero idea of the reverse of being on the other end of someone telling u how to do stuff but theyre wrong about it or simply different being literally the worst thing in the entire world the systems the rules the order comes crashing down and somehow instead everyones like yeah neurotypicals just gotta get it together and listen to our advice and im like no actually wheres the rights for people who are particular freaks to a degree they cant stand being told what to do in a different manner like how do u not suffer with this all the time if u have such strong opinions

[the-amber-droid-dreams]

empathy is so damn confusing. i get it in theory, but in practice ? like i sorta think of myself as low / flux empathy but am i really ? how much of that is actually low sympathy and compasssion ?

cognitive empathy is understanding why someone feels a way, and ive read and researched and trained myself enough to be very good at that, but its all logical analysis. is that still empathy ? what if i can connect all the correct logical threads but when it comes to the conclusion i just cant wrap my emotions around it because why does it matter Really ? is that still empathy ? sometimes people are a curiosity, a fun little puzzle to analyze. certainly thats not empathy ?

emotional empathy, feeling what others feel, thats definitely not there too often. secondhand embarrassment maybe, and i used to not be able to look at people who cried but im not sure it affects me anymore

sympathy. i dont always feel that either. sometimes i still help because i feel compassion but sometimes compassion is also gone and its just to save face. reputation is especially important to me, without it id have nothing: power, support, admiration— theyre all intertwined.

sometimes its because i know i will or might care later so i better act accordingly to secure the future i want. or maybe i care about the relationship with the person as a whole if not whatever bullshit im having to deal with at the moment, so i do what i must to maintain their love and trust

sometimes its just base morality, my ideas of whats right and wrong, that stop me from being as cruel as id like. or reputation. it always comes back to reputation when im that far gone. the fun of burning everything to the ground just isnt worth the effort itll take to rebuild it all again yk ?

[dasozelotvonnebenan]

Ok so I promised to talk about my sci fi stuff. It's now six in the morning again* but I feel far less tired than yesterday so I'm gonna dare to write it down this time.

It's not really a concrete story, its more just a loose collection of characters, worldbuilding and unconnected fun story beats.

There will be absolutely no structure to this. Just ramble.

So for a little context, this has been brewing slowly for years but I really started to gather up all those ideas after I finished watching Killjoys (Bounty Hunters in Space) and craved more space adventure in my head. Theres also a lot of Firefly (Western, but in space), The Expanse (Uhhh a bunch of stuff, in space), Battletech (Mech Mercenaries, in space) and my dads loosely RIFTS based sci fi role playing world in there.

Now first thing first you might notice that all those things above involve lots of guns which is maybe the biggest step away I am taking in that there is exactly one (1) gun involved in the entirety of this whole thing. Also the images in my head are a lot brighter and less gritty than most of those series. Like it's a genuinely good world. Because it's a thing I'm thinking about to relax.

So let's meet the crew! Because of course this space adventure revolves around a colourful bunch of people who travel the vastness of space together.

Most importantly theres the Pilot. He's afraid of sleeping when they're flying because if he isn't awake then whos steering. Even though theyre in space, where it's basically impossible to hit anything unless you want to, flying consist of pointing the ship in the right direction and waiting and any correction would need to happen way faster than a human could make them anyways.

Which is kind of a problem when travel times between planets range between a few days for inner system distances to easily over a month of want to get from one side of the system to the other. Interstellar travel involves specialized jump ships so travelling the lightyears between stars actually ends up taking much less time than getting from the edge of the suns gravity well to anything remotely worth visiting.

He accounts for about half of the crews caffeine consumption and sometimes his sleep deprivation leads to some hijinks (like when he goes hunting the space spiders in the vents). The ship is his own, he has won it in an advertisement lottery for a video game which is why there is a giant wizard painted on it which he really wants to remove but is not allowed to. Everybody else loves the wizard.

Next up is the one person in the group who has an actual job. This is not a wild thing because most people don't have a serious job and don't have to have one to get by, but he definitely has one. It's the mechanic. Big beefy guy, and not just muscle beef and also he has a big metal arm because of course he has. He's a mechanic and he runs powertools off of the arm. His job is that he works at the local museum of transport and restores old trains. Like back when they still ran on diesel old old. can you imagine!

He is the main reason for them flying off planet because other places ask him to come over to repair a thing for them, so Pilot flies him over, their other friends come with because it's like a roadtrip and that's kind of their thing and the remaining seats are chartered out which always makes for interesting company.

He enjoys his work very much but his hobby hobby is building model planes.

Next up the Detective, who is absolutely not just straight up Miller from The Expanse. He got unfrozen from cryosleep and lives in a totally different story from the others. He is constantly fidgeting because he doesn't have a gun anymore so he doesn't know what to do with hands. He is brooding all the time but it just looks silly because he has to do it in the very comfy and nice places his friends hang out in. But every now and then they get to go on some kind of investigation, a treasure hunt or something genuinely dangerous happens and he is fully in his element.

The one time a gun is relevant is when one of their adventures brings them to a wildlife reserve and he gets to have a tranquilizer rifle. He wants to be sad because that's all he has ever known but his friends are way too good at being friends. He is in a constant war over the gravistat (thermostat but for gravity) because back in his day spaceships didn't have artificial gravity yet.

Fourth guy I have yet is the Charmer. He's a linguistics student. His whole deal is that on every adventure he falls in love with someone and it never works out for some weird reason but he always stays friends with them. He knows people everywhere. He can not flirt for the life of him. He's like what if an 18CHA Bard only ever rolled nat 1s.

Their favourite place to hang out earthside is a Pub (Public Charging Station). Thats a place with wireless charging things at the tables for peoples cybernetics. Just so happens that the one they frequent also has a liquor license. The house specialty drink is "Battery Juice". A glowing green spiked lemonade. Of course you can also get it "discharged".

I hope enjoyed this little insight into one of the fandom unrelated worlds in my head and have a tremendously joyful day!

[hexcryingwolf]

hey so, like,

i need somebody close to glip to confront them about the Pearl thing.

i need someone to be as upset about the idea of it as i am.

i need it to be the last straw for somebody.

because if none of that happens, i cant even articulate how horrid that is. that the prospect of this accusation doesnt upset people.

i hope its not true. i hope with every fiber of my being that it didnt happen.

but i fully believe it did. four years after leaving that space my want was still for glip to heal, stop hurting people, and become a better person. i was still pretty scared of them, but i had pretty much moved on by the beginning of this year. there was nothing i could do about it, and sharing my experiences would just put a target on my back anyway, so as a lot of huge life changes were on the horizon for me i felt prepared to let go.

but i cant let this go. after years of tending the wounds that community inflicted on my this was a knife directly into my heart.

remember that political thing that happened in november 2016? i was in the flora irc by that time, and everyone was very rattled by it. glip announced that, to put some good into the world, theyd do a commission for anyone who donated x amount to y charity (i dont remember the specifics). id been a fan of glip's for years at that point, and this was an opportunity to finally have something id wanted for a long time.

a portrait of my cat, who i got as a baby, who passed away after almost twenty-one years, from my favourite artist.

they truly did a wonderful job with it. it looked so much like him. i dont have a lot of photos of him, he lived in the pre-smartphone era, so this was a precious thing to me. i had it printed, i got a frame, i hung it on my wall. it meant everything to me.

after all of the stuff that happened to me and leaving flora, it became tainted. now instead of reminding me of something i loved dearly it reminded me of something that hurt me badly. i couldnt get rid of it though. i took it off the wall, out of the frame, and slotted it onto a shelf where i could still see it, if i wanted to. it felt really awful, but i knew i loved that cat more than i could ever fear glip, so maybe someday i could look at it again without being reminded of them. maybe someday that portrait could go back up on my wall as an expression of love for my first best friend.

then i was told about what they had supposedly done to Pearl. and when i tell you i fucking bluescreened when i heard that... it fucking shattered me. it was a cold knife in my heart. the dog stuff was horrid of course but, something about this just broke something in me.

i had to walk away from my phone. i had to go find one of my cats and just. i just sat on the floor and pet her as she lay on the futon and purred and trusted me utterly, like im sure Pearl did for you, glip. she knows i love her, that i provide for her, that i would never bring harm to her. i just sat with her and cried.

im crying now, writing this. my hands are shaking.

do you care, glip?

my husband came to check on me, i told him what i was told and he was disgusted, the correct response. he was angry. he was angry. and for the first time in years, i wasnt scared of glip anymore.

i was fucking pissed.

i wish i didnt have to explain why, because it should be damn fucking obvious, but let me lay it out: a person's pet is their ward. we have a duty and responsibility to do everything we can to give the best lives possible for the animals we bring into our lives. we are their source of food, shelter, healthcare, everything. we are their world. and they should be able to trust that we would never use them for something selfish, because here's the thing: they don't understand the world as we do. theyre animals, they simply cant. WE are the ones who know right from wrong and act for them accordingly. WE keep them fed. WE keep them safe. WE make that final decision that they cant make when their suffering is to much to bear anymore. they trust us to do the things for them they can never understand.

we dont use them for our own sexual gratification. we dont do this because they dont understand that theyre being used, they have no context for how they are being treated, they dont know it shouldnt be happening.

they are helpless.

they are voiceless.

they are the perfect victim.

like a baby who will never grow up and tell everyone the truth.

like a baby, glip. like a helpless, voiceless baby.

and dont you ever fucking try to play the "well she initiated it" card. animals initiate all kinds of shit they shouldnt, things that are dangerous, could hurt them, could make them sick. knowing better is OUR job.

also. uhm. hey. did you know that "well they started it" is a thing child predators have said, do say, will say, about their victims.

here's a 10yo who "came onto" her abuser

here's a dad who claimed his daughter was just "a sexual kid"

here's a daycare worker who said the 1yo he abused was "promiscuous"

and you, glip. using Pearl because she was just "showing you love". just because its a "nicer" reason doesnt make you any fucking different from these monsters in my eyes.

i could not look at that portrait anymore. how could i ever look at him, and not remember what you do to helpless creatures like him. how could i think about what you did and remember you telling me no, of course marl never touched the cats, when i asked you if you were concerned that he might have. seems my worry was misplaced.

i burned the portrait. i took a small cast iron pot into my yard, ripped it to shreds, and spent a two hundred count box of matches on it. one wasnt enough. ten wasnt enough. one hundred wasnt enough. i did not want this thing to exist anymore. i did not want him, my cat, my first best friend, that piece of my soul that left this earth with him, to ever be able to be associated with you. that fire is burning in me now.

i do not capitalize your name anymore explicitly because you are subhuman by my standards. i do not want you to find healing and get better. i want you to face the consequences for all the hurt youve cause. i want you deplatformed so you can finally stop putting so much agony into the world.

if you didnt do it, youll have to convince me. you know my discord.

if you did do it, admit it. tell everyone what you did. you owe it to people so they can decide whether they want to associate with you or not based on it. i think if someone asks you directly, you wont lie about it.

because you dont believe you did anything wrong, do you?

[tainsan]

YES I DEF THINK THAT TOO!! im just rlly bad at spelling and meant jongho might just use ur name/a shortened ver 😞 yeosang would DEF use ur name but like in the nerdiest way im sorry. hes just a little dorky if that makes sense! i 🫶🏻 nerds tho

on the contrary wooyoung would use the cringiest nicknames ever whether ur there or not. 'my little sugarplum cupcake' 'my honey booboo bear' hed start saying into recipes atp like 'my 1/4 cup of sugar with five large marshmallows!!' thanks man. how sweet!

IM SOO EXCITED!! i need fluff rn these past few chapters have hit me like a train and i am SICK and TIRED of their shenanigans. just kiss it out! i will not sue promise maybe just scream a little 🤗 this fic has everything i love AND an amazing incredible spectacular funny kind author

yeah its not terrible until you have to do it ☹️ its a workout esp when ppl keep messing up 👿👿👿 i think im the side kick here tbh! us against the world though 🤞🏻(and misfit atz. ik yk what theyre gonna do and how theyll improve but IIII dont so until then.. they better sleep with one eye open)

hopefully ur mental health is good or i will uh. fight ur brain! 🤺 and i hope ur inside and safe now 🫶🏻🫶🏻

ok thats my super duper long message for now 😎 thank u for listening and sorry for the wall of text. i WILL be back🐺

-🦝

ME TOO I’m terrible at spelling bc I’m dyslexic😭 auto correct and grammarly are my saviours omg

OKAY I feel like Jongho would be too shy to call you a nickname at the start of the relationship but when he gets fully comfortable he will use babe and baby. Yeosang is such a nerd I love him. I have a thing for nerdy boys (seonghwa and Yeosang have me in a chokehold) (everytime I see seonghwa geek over Star Wars and Lego I will go feral)

NO BC YOU HAVE A POINT😭😭 wooyoung would 100% be using all the cringey weird petnames UNIRONICALLY. Bro woukd come up to you and be like “what’s up my pookie bear” dead serious and won’t understand why you are laughing at the name💀 LDKAOAOA 1/4 CUP OF SUGAR HAD ME ON THE FLOOR. But cupcake and muffin are defo gonna stick bc he thinks you’re the sweetest person alive!!!!

The past few chapters have been HEAVY and I’m so happy to be finally releasing some chapters which I know everyone has been waiting for😭. YOURE FLATTERING ME STOP ILY I’m happy you like the story and also me 🥹

I can’t understand :(( when I was in high school we did Matilda the musical and I was one of the kids in the back 😭😭 my teachers loved the fact that I have a history in gymnastics so they made me flip around and do tricks off a mini trampoline. And OMG THE LEAD FOR MATILDA WAS SO BAD IT WASNT EVEN FUNNY idk who casted but she couldn’t sing or dance or act😭 we did so so so many retakes and every retake I had to be flipping around and I was so done by the end of it

We can both me main characters 🤭 us against the world bae🫶 yeah yeah I have no idea what they are going to do we are both in the blind….🤫

I’d love for you to fight my brain it’s a mess but I’m improving slowly. the last few months have been super super tough for me so I hope that I will get out of this period. But I’ll be fine !!!

NEVER APOLOGISE FOR RANTINGGG

You better be back 🐺AWOOOO

[randomoranges]

i have not written anything in 45 yrs

i got this silly idea the other day

sometimes u just gotta write a silly

Notifications April 2023

 Edward settles in bed with a book he’s been looking forward to read, when he hears his phone go off somewhere around the living room. He must have forgotten to turn off the volume and the WIFI after watching a video on it, but he can’t really be bothered to get up to shut it. If anything, his phone will discharge and that’s a problem for Future Edward.

 He makes himself comfortable, happy for the blissful quiet of his house, when he hears his phone ping again. Clearly, it’s a coincidence, and he does his best to ignore it to concentrate on the gripping tale in his hands, however, the blasted device screams from the other room and Edward cannot ignore it anymore.

 Maybe, he thinks, as he gets out of his comfortable bed with a huff, slipping his feet inside his slippers, it’s an emergency and at this point it better be. Whoever this person is has successfully interrupted his down time and he will not stand for this. (Granted, he should have turned his device off as he normally does, but that’s a detail.)

 By the time Edward finds his phone – nestled between the couch pillows – practically hidden, there must have been half a dozen other pings and dings that had reverberated throughout his living room and when Edward finally unlocks the damned thing, it’s to find that someone’s liked a myriad of photos of him on Facebook. (Which reminds him, he needs to ask Calvin to stop a) taking candid shots of him and b) posting them on social and c) tagging him in them.)

 Edward nearly and almost chucks his phone across the room.

 To think he’d been bothered by that.

 And here he thought there’d been an emergency.

 This will teach him.

 He puts the volume off and is about to shut the thing completely, but then another notification comes in and his curiosity gets the best of him.

 Who the ever loving fuck is stalking his photos and why?

 He’s only partially surprised when he sees that all nineteen notifications have come from the same person; Étienne M. Maisonneuve.

 Annoyed, but mildly so, and now more intrigued, he fires off a quick text message as he walks back to his room.

 Message to Curly:

You know if you wanted my attention, you could have just called instead of sending your weird SOS

 He picks up his book, intent, really, to read it, but he finds himself picking up his phone again to see if Étienne will answer him or if he’s done with his little social experimentation.

 Message from: Curly

Édouard!!!! Hi :D

 Judging by the message, Étienne is not in distress but he might be up to no good. It is Friday night after all and that could mean a multitude of things.

 Message to Curly:

Hello yourself. I thought you were out tonight?

 Maybe it’s tomorrow night, but he’s pretty convinced Étienne had mentioned he was going out Friday night, last time they had spoken.

 Message from: Curly

I an ouyt and about!

**out

***am

 Edward grins at the corrections.

 Message to Curly:

How drunk are you lol?

 Message from: Curly

Might be a biiiiiittttttttttttt gone ahahahaha. Maye habe had a drinkly b4 going out with the gays.

*guys

**well theyre also gay HAHAHA.

 He kind of hates how he does actually crack a smile at the joke, but he schools his face in a neutral expression, even though he is aware that Étienne cannot see him.

 Message to Curly:

Then why are you going through old photos of me and liking them? Is the party that boring?

 Message from: Curly

Noooooo. Parties realy good.

*Party’s

**?? Idk what speilling is anywmore

Im having a smoke outside.

 Message to Curly:

And you decided to look up photos of me? Instead of socialising with everyone else?

 He doesn’t mean it as a reprimand. He just knows how Étienne works and how he’ll start a conversation with anyone within a foot of him.

 Message from: Curly

Éfodouard!

**Édouard!

See. I Loïc and Daniel wanted to see photographic proof of you ecisting.. So I found a photo of you on FB bcs I emptied my phone like yesterday so it’s void of you now ;(  which I knoe is a travesty. But. So I went on FB and then showed them ur profile pic. And then I went out for a smoke and there was literally no one outside. So I returned to FB and started looking and then I found like a million of photos that I had never seen??????? So I had to like them. To show be supportive.

 Message to Curly:

Uh-huh.

 It’s not that Edward doesn’t believe him; he just finds the tale a little amusing. That and how completely gone Étienne’s sentence structure seems to be.

 Message from: Curly

Shhhhh. Ure like fcking hot okay???? Im not allowed to look at photos of my hot bf??????

 He forgets how much blunter Étienne becomes when he’s had a few drinks and who knows what else and so, the message takes him by surprise. He feels his face heat up and puts his phone down for a moment to compose himself.

 Message to Curly:

You can look all you want but those are old.

 They are. Some are from before they got together. Then again, it’s not like he can stop him from it anyways.

 Message from: Curly

I don’t care. I hadnt seen them b4. Plus I totally still look at older pics of u n me from way back. We were total killers anywahs hahah.. But u look happy in these. N cute. N lovelyyyy. Did calvin take them???? Msurprised u don’t look ready to murder him ahahahahahahha.

Jk

But tell him thank u for the photos hahahahahaah

If he took them lol

Or just thank u to the person who took the photos

Also I havent seen u in like 45 yrs so I have to look at pics to not forget what u look like :(

 He would have looked ready to murder Calvin if he would have been aware that Calvin was taking any of these. Yet, it seems as though Calvin has the uncanny knack of snapping a photo when he isn’t looking. And – they aren’t bad photos, really. However, he will need to have a chat with Calvin about this, or at the very least keep a better eye on what he gets tagged in. (In Calvin’s defence, the photos are all very tame; one of him out gardening from last summer, another from a recent walk when he’d stopped to look at a window display and such.)

 Message to Curly:

Your life truly is tragic.

 Message from: Curly

It is the tragicest. Édouaaaaard. When will I see u again????? :( :( :(

 Message to Curly:

Soon, hopefully. I miss you too <3

 Message from: Curly

:D

Ok. Smoke finished and its cold outside. I will let u go back to ur old man routine <3

 Message to Curly:

Who says I’m not out having fun as well??

 He’s almost insulted that Étienne would assume that he’s not out and about, but then again, it’s not as if Étienne is wrong either. Plus, he can imagine Étienne’s stupid little pleased smile and he’s a sucker for it something fierce. Another good thing that they’re not currently occupying the same space, otherwise, Étienne would have seen through him. Then again, maybe not, if only for the fact that Étienne isn’t really sober at the moment. He could use that to his advantage.

 Message from: Curly

Pls. I know u. u have something tmrw nite. U like having one night of Calm TM.

 Message to Curly:

Maybe I’ve changed. New year new me and all.

 Message from: Curly

Hahahahahahahaha. Ure so funny Édouard. Hot and funny ;)

 Edward huffs. It’s not fair that even in his inebriated state, Étienne still manages to get the upper hand on him. He’ll have to concoct some revenge plan for a later date.

 Message to Curly:

You just like tormenting me.

 Message from: Curly

I do. It’s super fun. Ure super fun.

Oh!

I know!

We should go out next time ure here!

Like before – but better!

Its not the same as before but its still fun. We can have fun!!!!

Go out!!!!!

Plus like last time and the one before or wtv was fcking lame bcs curfew and shit. Or just panini stuff.

Theres a few cool places ud like.

 Message to Curly:

I’ll leave the planning to you then.

 They don’t need to go out. He likes just spending time with Étienne, even if all they do is hangout in his backyard. But – he knows Étienne likes showing him the sights and taking him out and he doesn’t mind.

 He thinks about it for a moment – they really haven’t been out to a club since the fallout and the getting back together. He wonders what it would be like. For starters, the scene has changed tremendously. Then, there’s the fact that they’ve both changed over the past few decades – for the better, thankfully. He knows it’ll be different than it had been before, but he also knows (and hopes) that it’ll be fun. If anything, Étienne had always been good at that.

 Message from: Curly

Ok. Ok im going back in now

Yesssss.. Enjoy ur wtv. Ill call u next. I love you <3 xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 Message to Curly:

Looking forward to it. Be safe. Love you too. <3 xx

 He waits a moment longer, almost certain Étienne isn’t quite done, and he laughs loudly, when there’s one more notification that pops up on his phone. He shuts if off afterwards and finally picks up his book for good.

 FIN

[temikoangie]

Tenko being a buddhist and keeping true to these beliefs even when it's not the logical thing is what makes Tenko my fave so while I understand why people w some types of religious trauma would dislike that part and interpret the master as a bad influence, as someone whose religious trauma was getting my religion demonized, seen as toxic and dismissed, it works for me as much better to interpret him as well meaning. I actually think I've seen way more people portraying him as toxic than anything

i wanna quickly preface this right now tht I Am Not a Buddhist Nor do i practice Buddhism so if i ever get something wrong here Please do correct me im entirely open to crticism on that part. ( i realize now i didn't end up going indepth to your religion as i expected but i am Very much open to feedback if desired)

personally if people Do interpret master as a toxic influence Solely because of the religion that he himself raised tenko in, i think theyre!! very horribly wrong ! there is nothing wrong with that at all, tenko's beliefs really do align very similarly. however my main ick with the master that tends to get overlooked is How he essentially treated the whole ''hating men'' thing.

Tenko, canonically told us themselves, that they use their neo-aikido abilities to go out every day & night, to help bring justice. Whether it's helping an elder cross the street, tracking down a thief or even sexual predators on the train !

the 4th dialogue especially concerns me, seeing there wasn't any limit on what situations tenko is essentially sent in to diffuse. and it seems like they've been doing this since they were young! ( at least young enough that it would've seem like they've been doing this for... practically their whole life) Who knows what kind of things tenko was exposed to !! and in the next FTE we pretty much get a confirmation as to why tenko hated men, and it was because their own master reinforced the idea that men shouldn't ever be touched, lest your abilities gets drained out. I get that the master is trying to shape up tenko's moral compass (hence stuff like ''No getting excited about the holidays, dont eat 3 more sweets per day, dont touch men etc etc)

(thisis also the same fte where tenko ''finds out'' that their master is a man and completely freaks out )

i get what the master is trying to do here but like... that's definitely not something you should say to your Very Impressionable Child who's already seen things they probably shouldn't have to experience at their age. there are definitely less.. traumatizing ways of doing this.

Did the master intend to do this maliciously? or did he meant it well and didn't realize the profound effect it would have on his Essentially Foster child ? who freaking knows. the game never really gives us any better hints for either side, but regardless of intention, it's still not a very smart thing to do to this traumatized person with emotional dysregulation .

now going back to the buddhism ppl who insinuate that master is a bad influence on tenko Solely because his religion is stupid and kind of weird! like idk how explain it to you but i don't like the attempts of demonization of other religions that isnt your typical Evangelical Christianity type thing. ppl who think that Is the Reason to interpret master as toxic is ! wrong ! and Should reevaluate why they see master as toxic ! and i am here Personally to tell you that Maybe master shouldve idk. taught him to redirect his energy to something else entirely ! that doesn't involve giving him a freaking savior/caretaker complex! people shouldnt use this as a chance to demonize buddhism!!!

[castlebyersafterdark]

OMFFFFG the dnd roleplay!!!

ok, serious, THAT is what spicy byler fandom needs. not just because its hot, but because its literally so in character, and it's .... like that IS real. and yeah you could say its the most explicit kind of sexualisation of their childhood selves so far because of the dnd associations in the show, but you could also say the show itself is a horrorification (and sexualisation if you read the metaphor a certain way) of their childhood gameplay. so...

and yes its so cringe but the best freaking kind, the kind the show gives you! i was only cringing on their behalf rather than out of my own guilt which i do still get a bit of when i enjoy anything spicy byler lol. and weirdly its even hotter BECAUSE its not just for us. because its for them, so in character, it becomes hotter? yessssss youve done it

and theres no WAY that will, who draws real-person fanart about their party lol, has never fantasised about this. i mean, his very painting is a fantasy put to canvas. and mike with that paladin sword.... oh, you knowwwww that there's gonna be some dirty talk about swords somewhere... * shudder * who knows, maybe them creating these characters was even will's sexual awakening about mike? imagining him in these courageous contexts etc

the use of will's magic in their dirty talk hehehe im imagining them actually writing a whole mini scenario to play out, not even just getting lost in the moment but properly planning it sometimes cos they couldnt believe how hot it was first time it happened 🙊🙊 (ok now i need to know who instigated the first time. pre-party meet up too! these boys are wild). and also - they way they bounce off each other at suzie's in the show? theyre TELLING us that these two can roleplay! so why not sexy too when theyre older? yessssssss correct

i cringed with joy at the way you wrote this. perfection. sometimes i bad-cringe at the impersonal-ness of byler smut with pet names anyone in the world could use, cos its so easy for them to stop being mike and will and start being random bodies having sex, but this specificity feels like its so them and it could only be them.

using their dnd names??? ACCENTS????? 😭 i'm imaginging their idea of king arthur british medieval ahhhhhhh

+ partially dressed in costume????? the wizard hat falling off immediately when will bounces?? his floopy flowing robes just hiked up over his thighs?????????? that's period drama-level sex right there, even better than totally naked. mike just having a bit of armour over his shoulders, nothing else? ughhhhhh

honestly i have never been in nerd culture like this irl, but i can totally see how fantasy would develop from childhood to adulthood like this... its natural for everyone because imagination and pretend play in childhood is often lost as we grow (unless someone is a creative/artist/imagination-forward adult) and the only place that playfulness remains for many folk is through sexual expression. sex is where adults play. so why the heck not this for byler? its so on track i literally am so excited to see what you do with this, not least because perhaps for these boys, this is one of the only ways they can reclaim their love of this game after all the trauma they went through. beautiful 😭😭😭

This ask was sent back in early June after this post and a bunch of chatter about potentially writing a fic expanding on the idea. I draft and forget so many asks (oops, sorry 🫣) and thought I might have had s relevant one stashed away. I hope you're still around, maybe you're someone who's made a blog between then and now! This was all before I even planned an official outline and I thought... would it be crazy if I expanded on the idea? Hilarious. I have so many other wips in the works but I don't think I want to fully leave our little role-playing nerds behind. I'll drop random drabbles about that whole vibe over time when inspiration strikes. Love everything about these two boys.

[lumen-tellus]

thinking about those old longfics that i rambled about in the tags that ive dropped but still really, really want to write.......................... yknow, i honest to god dont know when ill ever actually write them so maybe i Should just drop some notes on what was supposed to happen in them lmao lmao

(and it will help if i do end up coming back to them to fully write out some day. lol. maybe. probably. i hope loooool)

a room by the ocean

-> endgoal is for Yumeno and Ouma to say "sayonara biches!!" to the town they're staying in currently and move to some other place. a titular room by the ocean.

how do we get there tho? god i wish i knew man beats me

-> also along the way, Friendship(TM) happens!!!!!!!!

-> and some backstory stuff; how both of their "past selves" aka pre-show attitudes and circumstances still linger and affect them:

Yumeno coping with her history as being the child of two former show participants, essentially repeating history with herself and both sympathizing and rejecting her mother.

Ouma having to deal with the semi-clashing personality he has now and deciding who exactly he wants to be, and by extension, what he wants his life to be now in light of everything past and present.

-> ofc some conflict in the form of asshole reporters and fans finding out and following after them like creeps + both yumeno and ouma were still fans of the show once upon a time even if they both really detest it now, so trying to deal with that in perhaps each other is going to be a whole rip fiasco in some sense (also theyre like, living reminders of the show just by being next to each other so lmao for them).

-> i WILL get my saiouma happening here too. also just in general friendshippy with the trio will happen somewhere!!!!!!

genometrics

-> oh yeah i also had a platonic shirogane-ouma spaceship au fic that i forgot about too. whoops

-> i have even less of an idea how i was supposed to make them friends but that was the endgoal of the fic lmaooooo

-> fic would be loosely structured like its source inspiration - a genometrics/cosmosphere dive, except without the whack brain surrealism lol. it's real life, and each chapter would "progress" their friendship much like progressing a level.

-> probably another place where i would slip in worldbuilding for the au lmao lmao

home, riding home

-> i said time travel mystery fic ft. zhongli and tartaglia but its not time travel and tartie isnt childe either

-> anyway im just going to drop the reveal lmao: the tartie is tonitoni

wow gasp shock woooooowww who couldve eveeeeeer guessed that The tonitoni writer is actually writing the suspiciously teenaged girl tartaglia to actually be tonitoni!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /sarcasm

-> also zhongli didnt time travel, he timelined traveled - he wakes up in a timeline/alternate history teyvat thats lagging behind just a bit temporally, where the tartie is tonitoni and where the rite of descension has yet to take place.

to specific, he wakes up in the body of his other self there

he doesnt realise this bc well it's his exact same body + he mistakes the potent geo energies within him - which is actually the soul of his other self, forced into slumber bc of the timeline jumping antics - for his gnosis

-> the other funny mystery beat i was going for - tonitoni has the gnosis. she just grabbed it right out of her zhongli in a petulant, violently arguing fit by accident and the sheer, sudden force of taking it from him rendered him briefly unconscious.

she panicked tho and thought she killed him tho lmao rip tonitoni is such a funny little silly meowmeow <3

anyway bc of this, she basically yelled at the leylines to grab his soul before it disappears into the ether - and bc she wasnt thinking straight, she didnt notice that he isnt really dead and his soul hasnt moved on from the material plane

the leylines also meanly did not correct her on this, mostly bc thats not really their job, and simply dutifully complied with her garbled command to go grab a zhongli from the leylines. hey, conveniently, theres a zhongli in a domain close to the leylines in another timeline, that should do!

so yeah this technically means she also knows zhongli is rex lapis and not just a regular consultant at this point, which goes halfway unnoticed bc half the time theyre in public anyway so she cant actually go around addressing him as an archon lol

-> besides all this plot, there was gonna be a fair bit of chara rumination!!

it would heavily feature zhongli debating his future post-archonhood, what he wants to do in life and what he wants from life both. primarily the grappling of moving on from centuries of duty to a more self-centered, human existence.

on tonitoni's side, it would be the exploration of a friendly, almost mentor-like, almost parental relationship between her and zhongli.

-> childe will show up eventually and oh boy hes going to look at tonitoni and it will immediately become a disaster im tellinggggg you

also there will be chili endgame. there will be. that is the point of retirement u old noodle!!!!!!!!!!

-> fic ending is that tonitoni uses her free tree privileges to send zhongli and childe back after all the mysteries are sorted out (and just in time for the rite and the farce of a plan to proceed) ft. some emotional moments bc tonitoni is going to be super intensely staring at her brother in the head the whole time otherwise lol

sun in retrograde

-> aka noah "celestia" ebalon gets a field trip in retrospection at how much his childhood sucked ASS!!!!!! ft. worldbuilding

celestia gets to happily hate on his shitty parents, encourage his younger self to be more confident, and feel both appreciative and sad with more mature nuance over his brother

he will also ruminate a fair bit on how the past is like and what it will become from here on, knowing what he does from the future and the secret things going on (like the machinations of the cult of henir and such)

the worldbuilding will focus on magic systems, family dynamics, and elrianode nobility and customs

-> as for the actual plot-to-plot beats: good question!!!!!!!!!

well i know he'll stick around in the manor as a supposed expert magic tutor for harque, probably - celestia thinks this is both incredibly funny and also kinda whack honest to god

harque is also probs just going to wave him off like "i can tell you're not that interested like sure i'll take some tips but please do as you like ^^"

which celestia btw happily accepts so he can research how to go back to his own time and also maybe not worry too much about fucking up the timelines with his own meddling. epitome of "whatever happens will happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" in his head as he psyches himself through his research

he takes breaks in between of course though, accompanying harque or his younger self - who he definitely imparts more actual magical teaching to - and bonding with them, while internally musing about the outsider pov of seeing his own childhood self and brother with fresh eyes.

clamor btw is going to take one look at younger noah and be like "i understand so much about why you were like That now. also im going to squish his cheeks even more"

also at some point younger noah falls sick and misty shows up to care for him and celestia is simultaneously "idc my revenge plot was a whole life/timeline ago" and "you canNot be standing in front of me and pretend that you dont know whats up heLLO?!?!?!?!?!??" inside his head, which is otherwise politely smiling at her.

also "misty is an ebalon cousin" hc in full force here; shes from a branch family of the ebalons, i swear if the game canon itself doesnt prove me right i KNOW im right anyway SOMEWHERE

the final plot-plot beat is that harque figures out what celestia's magic research is really about (time travel) and while he doesnt press for anything from him (probably), he does comment about how such magic might help him actually win the nominations for moon master - this gets celestia thinking about the pendant trinket, and how he doesnt know where harque actually got the thing nor figured out how to supposedly use its magic anyway.

which leads to celestia being the one to craft the pendant and hand it over to harque, along with potentially cryptic words hinting at the future to come. maybe idk itd funny tho. (it'd also be funny if harque lowkey figures out who celestia actually is after this but lmao dont look at me)

ofc the ending has celestia eventually use his reversed time travel spell to go back to his own time, where hes like "well that sure was something!" sits there for a while just staring at the ceiling, then is like "hey, clamor, do you want to investigate henir's order? im suddenly realising that theres some loose ends i never figured out" and heading to elrianode for their delayed meetup with the ESP in the demon world lol maybeeee

[birdkittenn]

actually while im at it heres what ive figure out for vee characterizations so far because. like... what are their canonical personalities? i can barely tell. maybe i'll glean more info about these two once i finally unshackle my chains of no spoilers but this is what i've managed to glean so far from my rummaging for spare information

traits that both share:

prideful little fucks (affectionate), both in their own personal style rankings but 2 is proud of its ability to create functioning machinery out of scrap and 1 is proud of its thievery

able to easily anger the other (the mutual rivalry/hatred thing they've got going on)

if the both of them could speak, they would taunt each other so fuckign much verbally (neither can verbally speak in my characterization, because, uh, we never see either one do that)

they both get shutters for eyes though. i was originally going to leave 1's face as is, no shutters or anything, but then i saw the fuckign body pillow im like damn it, it has shutters. not that mad though, it'll make drawing it emoting easier

1, pre-hell:

Tired As All Hell

running on fumes (literally. it barely gets enough fuel to function)

feels obsolete, and so will not play nice with 2. this is the least listless it will get

2, pre-hell:

learns how to lie and hide things from their handlers

acts like a model machine who surely has done little wrong (full of lies)

likes fighting 1 the best because thats when he feels the least out of place. trying to tear the other machine to scrap is leagues better than everything else in the facility

loves to be passive aggressive, and toes the line of what's acceptable. if they were not held back by their handlers, they would be full on aggressive

1, in hell:

lets fucking go it finally has enough fuel to not be so tired all the damn time!!! amazing how great it feels to not starve

personality falls quite in line with intended gameplay style. very flashy, loves to do cool tricks, and loves to move real fucking fast all over the place

loves to show off. it taunts enemies in its mind

2, in hell:

the bow was both ironic and not. a bow, to greet what was closest to a friend he ever had. a bow, as a mocking sign of respect

likes making new random stuff out of scrap and is proud of both arms. mad as hell at 1's thievery

even in hell, they don't feel like they belong. a machine built in a time of peace, meant for defense. a failure. he was never able to fulfill his intended purpose. what is the point of being better if he couldn't do what he was made for? 1 finally manages to wage its war. there is nothing of worth for him to protect

anyways 1 is either aro or ace or both and i dont fucking know which one. the options im hmming about is aroallo 1 or aroace 1. idk what the hell is going on with 2. go king give me nothing? well i have both of their pronouns (it/its 1 and they/he 2, but im toying with the idea of she/her. don't think i'll use it though)

theyre both dolls to me huh. i'll see how correct i am once i can actually look up more stuff