#peter petitgrew

[wildoceanstarz]

Sirius: I told Prongs it wouldn’t work- I still don’t understand why we had to test ways to woe Lily by trying it on my brother first?? I don’t see what he was expecting trying those on Reggie I mean obviously it wouldn’t work and-

Peter: oi it doesn’t matter anymore, because your brother is-

Remus: *mumbling* pete *cough cough*

Pete: *mumbling back* what- I can’t be bothered anymore this idiot is completely oblivious and truly I can’t stand having to steal the map so he doesn’t see them together another night and-

Sirius: Wait- What did he do? DID HE ATTACK JAMES?? If he hurt a single hair-

Remus: I guess that’s a way to say itt ..?

Sirius: REGGIE- *runs out*

Peter: … Really?

Remus: I panicked.

[happypeachsludgeflower]

Boys over flowers is just a non magical marauders au as an asian drama and no one can convince me otherwise.

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it’s just like “it’s lily and james having major relationship issues and james being a dick 98% of the time and sirius and regulus are best bros in the background being completely unhelpful and remus is sad boi ™ that lily has a huge crush on”

[october31st1981]

Send Nude Pics of Your Heart to Me

James Potter to Mrs. Wife: lily can we have another baby?

Lily Potter to Wears Socks to Bed: R u going to text me that every time Harry does something cute?

James Potter: yes

Lily Potter: U know if we got one every time u asked we’d have like 35 babies by now??

James Potter: i’d be okay with that

James Potter: they might give us our own tv programme

James Potter: lil and jim and their kin 

Lily Potter: Ur right what’s the point of having children if not to pimp them out for reality television

Sirius Black to Babe: u know it’s extremely rude to fuck in the house while ur babysitter is downstairs watching ur kid

James Potter to Hot Stuff: i don’t pay u to complain 

Sirius Black: u are literally not paying me

Sirius Black: i am doing this out of love for this little banshee

James Potter: we made u godfather. and u can have dibs if i knock lily up 2nite

Sirius Black: fine but at least play some music or smth christ what are u doing to her?????

Lily Potter to The Other Woman: Quit texting James while we’re fucking 

Lily Potter: Tho he is surprisingly good at multitasking 

Sirius Black to Sugar Tits: only if u make him call u daddy 

Lily Potter: Deal

James Potter to James Has A Daddy Kink: lupin will you look after harry next weekend? sirius is permanently banned from babysitting

Sirius Black: Still godfather m8

James Potter: not anymore remus is godfather now

Peter Pettigrew: am i not on the list??

James Potter: you will get on the list once u stop screaming every time he poos

Peter Pettigrew: fair enough 

Remus Lupin: Can I be godfather when Harry’s like ten? Babies are terrifying

Sirius Black: i will not stand for this betrayal 

Sirius Black changed the chat name to James Wanked To McGonagall For All Of Year 9.

Peter Pettigrew: pretty sure it was longer than year 9 👀👀👀👀

James Potter: it’s not embarrassing if ur not ashamed

Remus Lupin: If you’re gonna text me at work at least leave my colleagues’ names out of the group chat 

Peter Pettigrew: should u b texting while ur teaching?

Remus Lupin: The kids are using their phones to film for a presentation it’s fine probably

Sirius Black: see potter? he’s already showing he’s bad w/ kids he’s gonna let harry on the internet unsupervised

James Potter: harry is 1

Sirius Black: ur never too young 2 start developing abandonment issues 

Remus Lupin changed the chat name to Sirius Wanked to Yugioh in Sixth Form.

Sirius Black: listen here u little shit

James Potter to Ginger Spice: lily look!!!

Lily Potter to Daddy’s Girl: U have sent me 12 pictures of Harry dressed as a penguin in the past 2 minutes

Lily Potter: (((And I have loved every single 1 of them our baby is the cutest?!?!)))

James Potter: i fucking know right

James Potter: legitimately he’s better than other babies

Lily Potter: Our baby could take the Longbottoms baby in a fight

James Potter: our baby could take DUMBLEDORE in a fight

Lily Potter: I mean ur right but

Lily Potter: In what situation would our son be fighting the headmaster of our secondary school

James Potter: idk but he’d fuckin wreck him have u seen how hard he pulls on hair he’d rip that beard right the fuck off

Lily Potter: Tru

Remus Lupin to Jimbo: How did you get i’m a furry to autocorrect to i’m a furry

Remus Lupin: DAMN IT I MEAN I’M A FURRY

James Potter to Dances with Wolves: we’ve all known for a long time remus i’m not here to judge u

Remus Lupin: I’M NOT A FURRY

Remus Lupin: I’M A FURRY

James Potter: u seem to be experiencing some conflicting emotions

Remus Lupin: I’m trying to say I’M S I C K

James Potter: of hiding ur true nature as a furry? we’re sick of ur denial as well mate

Remus Lupin: You are officially disowned 

James Potter: ur not my real dad 

Peter Pettigrew to Remus is a Furry: so are u like a brony or do u dress up as a wolf and sniff people? 

James Potter: the 2nd one definitely 

Sirius Black: idk man i think i saw him eyeing one of harry’s picture books the other day

Sirius Black: does red riding hood get u going

Petter Pettigrew: lmao

Remus Lupin: Potter I’m gonna murder you

James Potter: just try it my son will avenge me 

Sirius Black: oooooo he’s got u remus what r u gonna do fight a baby

Remus Lupin: I will explain to Harry about how his father was a bellend and he will take my side

James Potter: lies. harry will never doubt my honour. just the other day peter sneezed on me and harry bit him

Peter Pettigrew: thought he bit me bc hes teething?

James Potter: irrelevant 

James Potter to Never Furget: remus did u change all my profile pics to screencaps from bambi

Remus Lupin to Jimmy Neutron: Why do you ask?

James Potter: bc everyone is commenting on them but i can’t see them or take them down what did u do

Remus Lupin: Maybe the universe did this to you James

Remus Lupin: The world is trying to tell you who the real furry here is

Remus Lupin to Jimothy: Did you buy me a fucking bunny?

James Potter to Froot Lupes: remus i know ur new to pet ownership but bunnies aren’t for fucking

Remus Lupin: James. Why did someone deliver a rabbit to my house

James Potter: i thought u could use some company

James Potter: since ur both

Remus Lupin: DO NOT

James Potter: furry

Remus Lupin: I’m moving to Australia

Remus Lupin to James is Not One of Us: Just because I’m keeping the bunny doesn’t mean you’re forgiven

Remus Lupin: It’s for the children. My students have fallen in love with it

Sirius Black: sure ““““ur students””” fell in love with it 

Sirius Black: speaking of children who r u gonna turn to now potter

Sirius Black: if i’m banned from babysitting and u and remus r on the outs

James Potter: pete’s still here 

Peter Pettigrew: yeah im still here

Sirius Black: peter tell me how you change a nappy without looking at wikihow

Peter Pettigrew: um

James Potter: our house has wifi? 

Lily Potter to Bambi: Peter Pettigrew is not babysitting for us ever again

Lily Potter: He flushed a disposable nappy today

Lily Potter: Naked Sunday is canceled 

James Potter to Faline: but it’s the day of our lord lily

James Potter to Boyz II Men: congratulations sirius ur hereby reinstated as godfather 

Sirius Black: good bc i’m thinking of getting a sidecar for my motorbike

James Potter: harry is not allowed on ur motorbike until he is at least 9

Remus Lupin: I think you’re forgetting how Harry got home from the hospital

James Potter: fine. harry is allowed if both lily and i are also on it

Peter Pettigrew: #parenting

Peter Pettigrew: i got fired today btw

James Potter: what? why???

Sirius Black: what did u do

Remus Lupin: Are you alright?

Peter Pettigrew: im fine 

Peter Pettigrew: director was just looking for “something else”

Sirius Black: that’s shit

James Potter: sorry pete 

Remus Lupin: Is there anything we can do to help?

Peter Pettigrew: idk maybe we could just hang out and talk?

James Potter: sure we can do that 

Sirius Black: i’m not good w/ emotional intimacy

Sirius Black: how do u feel abt alcohol?

James Potter to Meri Jaan: i msis u

James Potter: ur os pretty 

Lily Potter to You Are My Soniya: It’s 2am love

James Potter: i kno btu thsi is v importnat

Lily Potter: What is it?

James Potter: i lvoe sirius

Lily Potter: Unbelievable 

James Potter: and u!!11111

James Potter: also im srory if i pee on hte rose bsushes a gain

Sirius Black to Blossom Powerpuff: just so u know we’ve taken james’s phone from him 

Sirius Black: but he says i’ve gotta tell u that ur his favourite wife

Lily Potter to Mojo Jojo: I’m his only wife

Sirius Black: james says ‘irrelevant’ 

James Potter to Heart Eyes: love u’ve gotta stop sexting me while i’m w/ clients

Lily Potter to Poop Emoji: Why’s that?

James Potter: i’m developing some kind of pavlovian response

James Potter: every time i look at a surrealist painting i get an erection

Lily Potter: Paint me like one of ur french abstractions from reality

James Potter: sex fiend 

Lily Potter: U love it 

Remus Lupin to Lil Wayne: You and James need to stop have things delivered to my house

Remus Lupin: I promise you I can feed myself without a 15 year old dropping off a week’s worth of groceries 

Lily Potter to R. Kelly: Bread and chocolate is not a diet Remus

Remus Lupin: It has kept me alive this long 

Lily Potter: Ur lucky we don’t have u move in. James says ur too skinny these days

Remus Lupin: James is built like a broomstick

Lily Potter: ...

Lily Potter: I want to defend him bc he is my husband but.... u right

Remus Lupin: Then will you stop trying to parent me

Lily Potter: Don’t talk back to ur mother Lupin

James Potter to The Lady from the Bee Movie: evans r u wearing my jeans again

Lily Potter to Jerry Seinfield: No

James Potter: ur having a picnic with bathilda in her garden and harry and i are in our sitting room w/ the curtains open i can literally see u

Lily Potter: Maybe these are mine

James Potter: i’m almost a foot taller than u and ur jeans r not that long

Lily Potter: If they r ur jeans what are you going to do about it

James Potter: ur gonna catch these hands

James Potter: in ur own bc i love u

James Potter: but i still want my jeans back

Lily Potter: I want my pre-baby figure back m8

James Potter: touché 

Sirius Black to Cars 2: pete how would u feel abt modeling

Peter Pettigrew to The Lion King: funny 

Peter Pettigrew: hard to get an acting job thats not typecast 

Sirius Black: i’m srs

Sirius Black: i mean. u know what i mean

Peter Petitgrew: modelings fine. i’ve done some hand stuff

Sirius Black: sometimes when reg can’t make a job his agency will offer it to me

Sirius Black: and i told them i wouldn’t do it unless i could bring a friend

Peter Pettigrew: thanks... u didnt have to do that

Sirius Black: don’t make it weird peter just take the job 

Sirius Black to Peter Does Hand Stuff: i’m handsome right

Sirius Black: like i am good looking

James Potter: tru

Remus Lupin: yeah

Sirius Black: then how did i get kicked off a photoshoot so they could take more pictures of pettigrew

Peter Pettigrew: dorcas said it was bc ur face is too unnatural

Peter Pettigrew: no one looks like that in real life

Sirius Black: i look like this in real life!!!

Peter Pettigrew: anyway dorcas told me they want me to be the face of the whole campaign which is cool

James Potter: that’s fantastic pete!!

Remus Lupin: Congrats Peter!

Sirius Black: i can’t believe u would sell me out

Peter Pettigrew: were all just trying to survive capitalism sirius

Sirius Black: so money is worth more than our friendship

James Potter: sirius u don’t even like modelling

Remus Lupin: Also you don’t need the money, you’ve got your inheritance and your radio work

Sirius Black: i like to know who has a price they can be bought for

Sirius Black: in case one of us ends up murdered

James Potter: walburga really fucked u up huh

Lily Potter to Put A Ring On It: R u on your way home?

James Potter to Crazy In Love: on the tube

James Potter: did u want takeaway again? bc i kno the chinese made u sick the other night so maybe i can just get u soup?

Lily Potter: No I’m fine I just wanted to know when you were coming back

Lily Potter: I have news

James Potter: tell me. the man beside me is cutting his hair and it’s getting on my trousers. i could do with good news

Lily Potter: I’ll tell u when ur home

James Potter: evans u can’t just dangle news in front of me like that and then take it away i demand answers

Lily Potter: It’s in-person news

James Potter: r we getting divorced? is this bc i said prefer 7/11 to formation

Lily Potter: That is definitely grounds for divorce but no

James Potter: lily ur worrying me. is everything ok???

James Potter: i’m gonna call

James Potter: i’m losing service hold on

Lily Potter: James we’re going to have another baby

James Potter: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

James Potter: i love you. i can’t hold u yet so i’m gonna hug the haircut man

Lily Potter: <3 <3 <3

James Potter: i may have just told him we’d name our baby after him how do u feel abt the name christobal

Lily Potter: Hard pass

James Potter: u said that abt me once and now i’ve impregnated u twice so i’m gonna tell him maybe

Lily Potter changed the chat name to Sirius Has Dibs.

Sirius Black: r u hitting on me evans

Sirius Black: u do realize ur husband is also on this chat. i mean i’m up for a menage a potter but what will we tell harry 

Peter Pettigrew: james’s parents like adopted u this is definitely some kind of incest

Sirius Black: “Definitely Some Kind of Incest” is the black family motto

Remus Lupin: Tbh I’m surprised you don’t have a tail

Sirius Black: how do u kno that i don’t u don’t kno my life

Lily Potter: It’s good 2 know our children will have positive role models

James Potter: it’s too late for harry we’ll just have to get better friends with this one

Peter Pettigrew: ????????

Sirius Black: ur not

Sirius Black: U ARE

Remus Lupin: Congratulations?!

Sirius Black: UR HAVING A FETUS

Peter Pettigrew: BLIMEY CONGRATS

Remus Lupin: Wasn’t Harry born literally yesterday? You guys are like rabbits

Sirius Black: i can’t believe evans is ““in trouble”” again this is wild i bet it’s bc euphemia used all those metaphors while giving u the sex talk

James Potter: papa don’t preach

Sirius Black: i love it when u call me papa

Sirius Black: wait do i have dibs bc of.... u guys r disgusting 

Lily Potter: Does that mean u don’t want dibs?

Sirius Black: NO I HAVE DIBS ON ALL POTTER CHILDREN NOW AND FOREVER THEY’RE GONNA BE MY ARMY TO FIGHT REMUS’S SECONDARY SCHOOL KIDS

Remus Lupin: I can’t in good conscience send eleven-year-olds to war but on the other hand you’re on

Peter Pettigrew: £5 on the fetus 

Lily Potter: £1000 on the fetus Potter Progeny United

James Potter: this is why i married u 

[l1mett1-blog]

The marauders.

[wildoceanstarz]

Marauders’ Nicknames - a report

Okay so

James: Prongs, Sun, Chaser. Bucks. Pot? (Just learned people use flowerpot for Jily)(Am I forgetting one?)(keep ‘em coming lol)

Sirius: Padfoot, Star, Black(?)

Remus: Moony, Wolf (horrible name imo)

Peter: Wormtail (even worst name) Rock? (Since it is what his name mean, I hadn’t hear of it before but I do like it) also bro needs another option… what about like. Mercury or Earth or Meteor or smt HAH because the meteor killed all the dinosaurs like he killed all his friends…. No? I think it’s funny

Lily: Flower

Marlene: — (I’m gonna start using Wild personally I think it goes fucking hard) some people also use Star but like there is so many Stars already guys 😭 (someone also said Cherry!! which I think is very cute)

Mary: does Mary have one??? (Someone said Fire and I actually love that)

Dorcas: Gazelle? Some people use like.. flower? But there’s also so many of those 😭 I’m going to start using maybe Ocean or Garden ??? Still debating

Barty: K!ller

Evan: Rose

Regulus: Star, Seeker, Water (the love of this fandom and putting the worst thing to happens to a character as their ship name is crazy)

Pandora: — does she have one??? Someone said “box” because of Pandora’s box and I’m obsessed with that (also Flowerbox for Pandalily?? Adorable)

Bellatrix: k!ller (Barty takes after his mother /jk)

Andromeda: — none that I know of?

Narcissa: WAIT A MINUTE THIS WHOLE TIME I THOUGHT FLOWER WAS FOR ALICE AND NOBLE FOR NARCISSA?????? Flower…. (I be using Noble tho I think it fits her so well)

Rita: Quill

Zabini: Silver (that’s what I personally use) I think some people use Gold?

Alice: Noble???? My world is actually shattered wtf.. IT ALSO DOESNT SUIT HER THAT MUCH?? I- (guys pls let’s find another option)

Frank: — nothing that I know of? (Someone said Keeper and lowkey I like it? that’s his quidditch position)

Edward: Ted (lol) but also he also doesn’t have any I think? Something like Softconstellation or smt for Tedromeda could go hard

Sybill: Seer, Crystal?? Been trying to find a good name for her and Pete for ages (MY FRIEND SAID CRYSTAL METH BYE-)

Severus: PRINCE! (Many thanks to the person who reminded me) does he have one? I feel like he definitely do.. no? But I can’t figure out what it is

Lucius: silk ????

If you have any characters you think I should add pls tell me I’m trying to get them all at the same place because it’s confusing!! (Like Emmeline Vance, Emma Vanity, Xenophilius, etc)

Additions;

Emmeline: Cosmos (cause of what 'emme' means), or Brave or Rival (full name meaning), or Marsh (last name meaning). - By @enbysiriusblack

I was getting lost so lol PLEASE ADD TO THIS

[wildoceanstarz]

Writing a canon compliant fic and realizing I now have to explain why smart darling Lily didn’t just say that she would be the secret keeper because someone (Joanne) was fucking stupid and made it possible to be the keeper of your own safe house…