#philomena cunk reference

[omnisentient]

✦¸.•°”˜✦ 𝔖𝔱𝔢𝔩𝔩𝔞𝔯 𝔈𝔪𝔟𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔢 ✦˜”°•.¸✦

Healing your weary soul ✦

Pairings: Xavier x mc.

Tags: fluff, slow evenings, comfort

Warnings: None. Enjoy ♡☆

"Hello honey."

"Hello, my love."

Xavier responds cheerfully, seated on the sofa with a book in hand. You kick off your shoes, flopping down next to him, completely worn out.

"Tired?"

"Yeah.." you sigh.

"Come here." He beckons you closer, setting his book down on the table.

You whine as you scoot towards him, letting him pull you onto his lap.

This is nice, you think, sighing softly as you sink into his arms. He caresses your hair softly, his other arm rubbing your back slowly to soothe you. You sink further into his embrace, face tucked into the crook of his neck.

"Bad day?" He asks. You mutter something unintelligible into his neck, and he surmises that you'd rather not talk about it. That's fine.

You feel his lips press against your temple, and your heart swells, gripping onto the front of his shirt, clinging to him. You stay like that for what feels like ages, the gentle sunset breeze fluttering in from the balcony, and you think, the bad days might just be worth it.

If it means coming home to his warm embrace.

To be comforted by him.

"Is there anything you want, my love?" He asks, his voice so soft, you think you might cry.

What more could you possibly want, with the world at your fingertips.

"Radio.." you mutter.

"A radio..?"

You can feel him look down at you in his arms, his puzzled face clear as day even with your eyes closed.

"You want.. a radio..?" He echoes, lost.

"Do we have, a radio?"

You chuckle, practically seeing his mind spinning in real time.

"When was the last time i even saw a physical radio.." He ponders out loud.

You chuckle again, enjoying his confusion.

"No honey. I want Xavier fm.."

He looks down at you again, absorbing your words.

"Any particular station?" He asks when he finally gets it, a smile on his face.

"No, I just wanna hear you talk."

He laughs, and you can feel the vibration through his chest, making you smile too.

"Well, fatso visited me again today. He had a little friend with him this time."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. They were on a lunch date. He showed her how to use the bird feeder and everything."

You smile, imagining the scene in your head.

"A new barbecue restaurant opened up nearby. We should check it out when you're not busy."

"Mmhm." You nod, already looking forward to it.

"The Egyptians believed the most significant thing you could do in your life was die." You laugh, not even trying for a response.

"Pigs naturally can't see the sky. How sad. They've never seen stars before."

"I'd kill anyone that hurts you." Your breath hitches, your heart squeezing in your chest.

"It's been scientifically proven that observing things changes their behaviour."

"In the the double slit experiment, when photons pass through a slit, they behave like a wave, spreading out instead of beaming straight ahead. But when scientists try to confirm this phenomenon with equipment and measurements, they behave like particles again, beaming straight ahead."

"So observation acts as interference. Which has interesting implications on all experiments held across time."

"Would scientists in future consider performing tests where one subject is observed from time to time, while the other is isolated? And how far would they go? Would it become a spectrum, based on the number of times observed? And would results differ based on the person observing.. That would... "

...

You don't know when exactly you fell asleep, but the echo of his voice against your ear and the comfortable rambling gently soothe your wearing soul, sweeping you away to dreamland.

...

Xavier may or may not have carried you in his arms to grab water, snacks and his controller as you slept, refusing to put you down. You woke up many hours later, the sun having since departed, to him playing video games with you still laying in his arms.

He smiled down warmly at you, once you began to stir, making no move to let you go.

"Hungry?"

"I ordered hot oil noodles and orange chicken while you were asleep. Let's eat, love."

And as you fully came to, warm, stomach rumbling and eyes crusty from sleep, you thought, this just might be, your very own slice of heaven.

˜”°•.¸✦¸.•°”˜

[culpeppercheckers721]

Although his actual birth year is sometimes debated, if I am correct Alexander Hamilton was still born at least 268 years and 219 days before the release of Belgian act Technotronic’s dance single Pump Up The Jam

[warningsine]

[l-wandering-etranger]

[aglionbyacademia]

(some of) the trojans doing the hear me out cake challenge and who/what I think they’d put on there

Jeremy: Jack Frost (Rise of the Guardians), Santa (Rise of the Guardians), the Easter bunny (Rise of the Guardians)(Jeremy just really likes this movie okay), the moon, cherry flavor vape, djungelskog, Mothman, Diego (Ice Age), Lightning McQueen (Cars), Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls), a crisp canned Diet Pepsi, Scar (the Lion King), salted butter popcorn, Appa (Avatar: The Last Airbender), Abracadabra by Lady Gaga, a yo-yo, Kevin Day

Cat: Sally (A Nightmare before Christmas), some high quality Espresso machine, Royal Enfield Classic 350, barkbark (she only puts him on to mess with Jeremy), Sudoku, McFlurry, Satisfyer Pro+ G-Spot (enthusiastic nodding from all the girls present), sour patch kids (Jeremy says “jeez those are children, cat”), Aloe Vera plant, Kevin Day (yes she’s a lesbian yes she would make an exception for him)

Laila: boba, the Billy bookshelf from IKEA, Philomena Cunk, a yankee candle, the tooth fairy (Rise of the Guardians), Sally (Cars), the dragon (Shrek), fuzzy socks, sour apple flavored lollipops, human skeleton prop, a clear quartz crystal, Wanda (Fairly Oddparents), Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan, the moon, Kevin Day (same as Cat, they’d do him together)

Cody: the dude on the pringles can, Gerard Way, Timmy Turner’s dad (Fairly Oddparents), a $100 bill, blåhaj, Pennywise, Bigfoot, any Banshee or ghoul, the number 3 (Jean gives him a side eye), Helena Bonham Carter as Red Queen specifically, Trixie Mattel, Vanessa Doofenschmirtz (Phineas & Ferb), Azula (Avatar: The Last Airbender), any Curry dish, 1973 Chevrolet Camaro, this:

and Kevin Day

Ananya: Mr Crocker (Fairly Oddparents), Cosmo (Fairly Oddparents), Scar (The Lion King), Espresso Martini, Pumpkin Spice scented candles, Fenty Gloss Bomb in the shade Fenty Glow, Monstera plant, Cody Winter (Pat high-fives her, Cody blushes), Tendō Satori (Haikyuu), Phineas and Ferb’s mom, Coach Wymack, Katya Zamolodchikova, the stardust period tracker app, Ghostface, succulents, Kevin Day

Patrick: Matty Healy, Sevika (Arcane)(yelling ensues because she’s just hot and doesn’t qualify as a hear me out), Heimerdinger (Arcane), Cody Winter (now Cody asks why he qualifies as a hear me out, Pat and Anyana just giggle), Matt Boyd, Spirit the horse, Gill (Finding Nemo), an Octopus, tea with milk,Thea Muldani, Colonel Sanders, sunscreen, coffee flavored chocolate, strawberry milk, Ghostface, Kevin Day

Xavier: one of those frog hats, Instax mini polaroid camera, iced hazelnut latte with oat milk from Dunkin’ Donuts, a fidget spinner, birch trees, Spirit the horse, Jafar (Aladdin), Ursula (The little Mermaid), Allison Reynolds, the first fall of snow, Berry B. Benson (Bee Movie), Squidward, Lin Manuel Miranda as Alexander Hamilton, Nicholas Cage, Kevin Day

Jean: a salted caramel flavored Protein Bar, Jeremy Knox, a Stanley cup, the sun, Neil Josten, Cappuccino, heart shaped sunglasses, Bambi by Clairo (I just feel like Jean would love Clairo ok), pastel colors, ivy plants, oat milk, watermelons, brownies made out of sweet potato, the smell of freshly mowed grass, Renee Walker, the feeling of direct sunlight on his skin, oversized sweaters, this emoji ����‍↕️, Kayleigh Day, a green smoothie, Kevin Day

(I want to add that I think the Trojans would have had to explain this game to Jean multiple times and that Jean was struggling big time to find things, especially things he’d share with the group. I feel like he doesn’t know many pop culture references or childhood shows and movies that the others mentioned so he went a more abstract way. He had lots of help from Cat while compiling his list)

[1percentcharge]

philomena cunk from february 2023 (I think the first was from memory and the second from reference? But I’m not sure)

[junk-and-scrapss]

My mate Paul😔 (philomena cunk reference)

he looks goofy asl ngl but here ya go

[sylvienerevarine]

Sophrine Aulette's Skyrim Encyclopedia (Part 1)

Ok, an explanation: my brother bought me Philomena Cunk's hilarious reference book for Christmas, and it inspired me to write this goofy semi-fic. It's now Sylvieverse canon that Soph writes a humorous guide to Skyrim and it's a bestseller for years.

--

Atmora

Atmora is sometimes called the “old country,” largely because everyone from there had beards, which made them look quite a bit older. It’s also called that because the original Nords came from there thousands of years ago in search of better weather. Why they stopped at Skyrim is anyone’s guess. One of the most famous people from Atmora was Ysgramor, who was fond of killing elves and living in an upturned boat.

No one’s heard anything from the Atmorans in a while, which means they all either froze to death or their postal service is terrible.

Automatons

Dwemer Automatons are creatures made of metal that run on magic and steam. You can find them lurking around old Dwarven ruins waiting for treasure hunters to show up, and then slicing them to ribbons. This is the only game they seem to know.

There are four main types of automatons: spiders, spheres, ballistas, and centurions. Actually they’re all called centurions, but that’s confusing, so here we are. Spiders are the ones that look like spiders and are sort of cute. Spheres are the ones that look almost human on top, but roll around on a big metal ball, in which they possibly store lightning. Ballistas resemble an angry fish with legs and are horrible. Centurions look like metal giants and use a huge amount of energy, which is why they sleep in big magic arches that don’t look very comfortable.

Dwemer automatons don’t seem to work outside their ruins, which is a relief, because can you imagine running into one at the market? On the other hand, it would be very funny to have a mechanical butler.

Cheese

Cheese is basically milk, but solid. It’s also the best food to ever be invented, and features in all the best dishes: cheesecakes, cheese souffles, cheese straws, cheese omelets, and fondue. My aunt Sacha, who lives in the Shivering Isles, once taught me how to make a kind of cheese that turns all colors inside-out, but I don’t usually attempt that one.

Most cheese in Skyrim comes from goats or cows. Giants have been known to make mammoth cheese, but they’re not very good about sharing it. I swiped some once and it was remarkably chewy, but very good.

Dragonborn

A Dragonborn is a person who, through no fault of their own, was born with the wrong type of soul. Generally speaking, humans have human souls, elves have elf souls, Nords have alcohol, and so on. A Dragonborn, on the other hand, has a normal person-type body with a dragon’s soul stuffed inside.

The main job of a Dragonborn is to slay evil dragons and boss around the less evil ones. For a long time, though, there were very few dragons around, so Dragonborns had to occupy their time by becoming emperors. This lasted right up until the time Martin Septim exploded.

I am currently the only living Dragonborn, which is a very fun position to be in. There was another one hiding out in Oblivion named Miraak, but he tragically perished for reasons that were only partially my fault.

Things Dragonborns Can Do:

Absorb dragon souls

Use aforementioned souls to quickly learn Words of Power

Scream at things

Read dragon language without taking lessons

Get free garlic bread at the Frostfruit Inn in Rorikstead

Kyne

Kyne is the Nordic goddess of wind, sky, the outdoors, and probably camping. You might know her as Kynareth, Khenarthi, Tava, or Kenny (though I’ve only met one person who called her that, and he was very drunk). 

In Nord tradition, Kyne was married to Shor (aka Lorkhan) and rain is the result of her crying because her husband tragically died from having his heart stuck under a volcano. It follows that the best way to get rain for your crops is to shout things like: “Missus Kyne, remember how much you loved your husband? Wasn’t it tragic how badly he was murdered?” That usually does the trick.

Kyne is also supposedly the one who taught the Dragon Voice to humans, to which I would like to respond “thank you” and also “why.”

Mead

Mead is the primary beverage, export, and religion in Skyrim. It’s made out of honey, and is therefore sweet enough that you don’t realize for a while just how strong it is, and then you’re in a bar fight with a racist old man in Windhelm. Not that that’s ever happened to me.

My husband is something of an expert on mead, and it’s his most cherished belief that happy bees make the drink taste better. I’m not quite sure how you can tell a bee’s emotional state, but I’m sure there’s a knack to it.

[9puppiesdrowninginapool]

based on my friend not remembering her name, he referred to philomena cunk as ophelia supercunt. and it hasn’t left me

[gayllamafromspace]

(Art by me, I put maybe too much effort into this damn fic)

Fandom: Wednesday (TV 2022)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Relationships: Larissa Weems/Original Female Character(s), Larissa Weems/Reader, Gomez Addams/Morticia Addams, Wednesday Addams/Enid Sinclair, Larissa Weems & Reader, Marilyn Thornhill | Laurel Gates & Reader, Marilyn Thornhill | Laurel Gates & Larissa Weems

Characters: Larissa Weems, Marilyn Thornhill | Laurel Gates, Wednesday Addams, Enid Sinclair, Xavier Thorpe, Rowan Laslow, Tyler Galpin, Francoise Sylvanne Galpin, Donovan Galpin, Noble Walker, Lucas Walker (Wednesday), Vlad (Wednesday), Morticia Addams, Gomez Addams, Pugsley Addams, Thing (Addams Family), Fester Addams, Bianca Barclay, Divina (Wednesday), Yoko Tanaka, Eugene Ottinger, Annita Bevington (OC/Reader), Gale Filander (OC), Helen Hillard (OC)

Additional Tags: Character Death, Minor Character Death, Blood and Gore, Mutilation, Nevermore Academy (Wednesday), Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Teacher Reader, History Jokes, Poisoning, Poison, Wolfsbane Poisoning, Banter, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Investigations, Murder, Attempted Murder, Grave Robbers, milf OC/reader, doesn't have kids, but in their forties, history professor, Botany, Fun Teacher, POV Third Person, chronically allergic to first person pov, had a friend beta read, Updating the tags as I go, TikTok, sorry but it had to happen, philomena cunk - Freeform, because she's fucking hilarious, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, pop culture references, there might be an occasional song cameo, Addams Family References, we bully historic figures here

Summary: Annita Bevington joined the Nevermore staff two years ago. It had been a peaceful and refreshing change of pace, working with outcasts. Every experienced teacher will tell you that the first year in a new school is the hardest. That rule clearly doesn't apply to Nevermore. Third time's the charm! If you could call chaos and a generous amount of bloodshed charming.

[rawmeataddiction]

Theres a philomena cunk reference in here somewhere

You can't contradict the king, can you?

[warningsine]

[midnightmishaps]

I imagine the way philomena cunk tells stories about her mate Paul is exactly how my friends tell stories Abt me

[derrydeer]

all of the losers would tune into Cunk on Earth and every Cunk programme and stanley would slowly rot into his recliner

[telomeke]

This made me think of Philomena Cunk's reading an extract of her book Cunk on Everything so just had to share it here–

From the foreword by Professor Rupert Delgado, MBE:

I'm rather afraid to say that I do not know the author to whom you refer, since I seldom look at the television, but these samples you have sent me are an absolute disgrace. I shall not be contributing a foreword to this book and I am happy for you to quote me on that. Never contact me again.

Streamer who says "And now just a little break for an ad read, sorry guys, brb" and then they just pull out a newspaper and silently read some of the ads while scowling because they don't enjoy this, occasionally muttering "That's not even a good deal" and then calmly folds it back up and starts playing again.