#php session

[sommersong]

other than being incredibly musically inclined as a singer / musician and a remarkable dancer, simeon is quite a gifted artist. while he can paint, he chiefly sketches with pencil and / or charcoal, which was originally a habit developed as a child to keep his hands busy when he felt restless, encouraged by his mother. he’s rarely without a sketchbook and can often be found sketching when idle. his books tend to be filled particularly with art of his favorite people — and will be a particular tell if he has feelings for someone.

[pentesttestingcorp]

Prevent Session Replay Attacks in Laravel: Best Practices

Introduction

Session replay attacks are a major security risk in web applications, especially in frameworks like Laravel. These attacks can lead to unauthorized access or compromise sensitive user data. In this blog post, we will explore what session replay attacks are, how they occur in Laravel applications, and most importantly, how to prevent them using best practices. We’ll also share a practical coding example to help you implement secure session handling in your Laravel app.

What is a Session Replay Attack?

A Session Replay Attack occurs when an attacker intercepts or steals a valid session ID and reuses it to impersonate the legitimate user. This type of attack exploits the session handling mechanism of web applications and can allow attackers to gain unauthorized access to sensitive information or perform actions on behalf of the user.

In Laravel, session management is a critical aspect of maintaining security, as Laravel uses cookies and sessions to store user authentication and other sensitive data. If the session management is not properly secured, attackers can easily exploit it.

How Session Replay Attacks Work in Laravel

Session replay attacks typically work by capturing a valid session cookie, either through methods like Cross-Site Scripting (XSS) or Man-in-the-Middle (MITM) attacks, and replaying it in their own browser. In Laravel, the session data is stored in cookies by default, so if the attacker gains access to a session cookie, they can replay the session request and hijack the user’s session.

To demonstrate this risk, let’s take a look at how a session ID might be captured and replayed:

// Example of a Laravel session where sensitive information might be stored session(['user_id' => 1, 'role' => 'admin']);

If an attacker intercepts the session cookie (usually via XSS or another method), they could replay the request and access sensitive data or perform admin-level actions.

How to Prevent Session Replay Attacks in Laravel

1. Use HTTPS Everywhere

Ensure that your Laravel application enforces HTTPS to protect session cookies from being intercepted in transit. HTTP traffic is unencrypted, so it's easy for attackers to sniff session cookies. By forcing HTTPS, all communications between the client and server are encrypted.

To enforce HTTPS in Laravel, add this to your AppServiceProvider:

public function boot() { if (env('APP_ENV') !== 'local') { \URL::forceScheme('https'); } }

This will ensure that Laravel always generates URLs using HTTPS.

2. Regenerate Session IDs After Login

One effective way to prevent session hijacking and replay attacks is to regenerate the session ID after the user logs in. This ensures that attackers cannot reuse a session ID that was valid before the login.

In Laravel, you can regenerate the session ID using the following code:

public function authenticated(Request $request, $user) { $request->session()->regenerate(); }

This should be added in your LoginController to regenerate the session after a successful login.

3. Set Secure and HttpOnly Flags on Cookies

Ensure that your session cookies are marked as Secure and HttpOnly. The Secure flag ensures that the cookie is only sent over HTTPS, and the HttpOnly flag prevents JavaScript from accessing the cookie.

In Laravel, you can configure this in the config/session.php file:

'secure' => env('SESSION_SECURE_COOKIE', true), 'http_only' => true,

These settings help protect your session cookies from being stolen via JavaScript or man-in-the-middle attacks.

4. Use SameSite Cookies

The SameSite cookie attribute can help mitigate Cross-Site Request Forgery (CSRF) attacks and prevent the session from being sent in cross-site requests. You can set it in the session configuration:

'samesite' => 'Strict',

This ensures that the session is only sent in requests originating from the same domain, thus reducing the risk of session replay attacks.

5. Enable Session Expiry

You can also mitigate session replay attacks by setting an expiration time for your sessions. Laravel allows you to define the lifetime of your session in the config/session.php file:

'lifetime' => 120, // in minutes 'expire_on_close' => true,

Setting an expiration time ensures that even if a session ID is captured, it will only be valid for a limited period.

Coding Example for Secure Session Handling

Here’s a full example demonstrating how to implement some of these best practices to prevent session replay attacks in Laravel:

// Middleware to regenerate session on each request public function handle($request, Closure $next) { // Regenerate session ID session()->regenerate(); // Set secure cookies config(['session.secure' => true]); config(['session.http_only' => true]); return $next($request); }

By including this middleware in your Laravel app, you can regenerate session IDs on every request and ensure secure cookie handling.

Using the Free Website Security Checker Tool

If you’re unsure whether your Laravel application is susceptible to session replay attacks or other security issues, you can use the Website Vulnerability Scanner tool. This tool analyzes your website for vulnerabilities, including insecure session management, and provides actionable insights to improve your app’s security.

Screenshot of the free tools webpage where you can access security assessment tools.

The free tool provides a comprehensive security analysis that helps you identify and mitigate potential security risks.

Conclusion

Session replay attacks are a serious security threat, but by implementing the best practices discussed above, you can effectively protect your Laravel application. Make sure to use HTTPS, regenerate session IDs after login, and properly configure session cookies to minimize the risk of session hijacking.

To check if your Laravel app is vulnerable to session replay attacks or other security flaws, try out our free Website Security Scanner tool.

For more security tips and blog updates, visit our blog at PentestTesting Blog.

An Example of a vulnerability assessment report generated with our free tool, providing insights into possible vulnerabilities.

By following these security best practices and using the tools available at PentestTesting.com, you can enhance the security of your Laravel application and protect it from session replay attacks.

[kevinmarville]

Php clone Netflix

Link: open.substack.com/pub/hellointerview/p/system-design-lessons-from-netflixs Clone: <?php // index.php (the main entry point) // Include necessary files require_once ‘config.php’; require_once ‘database.php’; require_once ‘movie.php’; require_once ‘user.php’; require_once ‘search.php’; require_once ‘recommendations.php’; // Start the session session_start(); // Check if the user is logged…

[iteh3xael]

I’m going back through my journal and completely blocked out the part where I went to Anger Management and the Teacher was flat out like “Why are you here???” and I had to explain my neurotic paranoia surrounding courts and “proving” I am so good at being proactive that I shouldn’t ever be in jail because of how mentally unwell I am and lol whoops that backfired because then I ended up learning Too Much about The System and oh boy do cops not like to be policed lol

[defmaybe]

Lessons in PHP

12 Days of Christmas: Day 4, December 28th, 2024

Girl’s Generation/SNSD’s Kim Taeyeon x Male Reader

2k words

Christmas Masterlist

The clicking sounds of keyboards ring through the room. Students are doing their in-class assignments, while you’re struggling to solve the first problem on the sheet. How the fuck can your friends do this?

Fuck, this is hard. Your code repairs seem fruitless against the errors, so you raise your hand, hoping that one of the TAs will help you.

You look around, seeking for help, until you meet one of your TAs’ eyes.

Kim Taeyeon.

Fuck.

No, you’re not scared or intimidated by her, you’re just always perplexed by her otherworldly features. There are her sharp eyes, her perfectly sculpted nose, and that jawline that makes you almost drool. Every time she helps you with your code, you’re just unable to focus on the material because of the intoxicating perfume she wears. It’s as if she knows that it’s your weak point.

Taeyeon walks towards you with purpose, every step is confident. Her short skirt and tie sways with the movement. She looks straight at you, expressionless, until she reaches your desk.

“So.” Taeyeon starts the troubleshooting session. “What do we have here?”

“I–I can’t add the new values into the table, M–Miss Kim.”

She nods. “Okay, can you show it for me?”

You let the code work on itself, before typing your information into the boxes, press submit, and–

“Voila,” you mutter quietly. It doesn’t work. She seems to be amused by your attempt at cracking a joke.

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do.”

Despite her efforts, her attempts are also proven fruitless. The code just doesn’t seem to work how hard she tries, and you can feel that it’s starting to get on her nerves.

“I can just ask an AI for this, Miss Kim.”

She shoots you a surprised look. “AI? Yah! You won’t learn that way! Just–meet me after the class, alright? I’ll help you.”

“O–Okay, Miss Kim.” You’ll be late for lunch again.

—

The students are starting to leave the seats one by one, having finished their in-class assignment early. Then, there’s you, trying to fix your damn code, trying to learn. Still, it just won’t budge.

“Fuck.”

Finally, the bell rings. You pick up your laptop and walk towards Taeyeon, hoping to find some relief in her. She nods at you. 

“I’ll be there,” she says. She’s still helping Haewon with her code.

—

Taeyeon starts her debugging session. It’s particularly hard on PHP, because it won’t tell you where the mistake is. Fucking PHP.

As time goes by, you’re surprised that Taeyeon doesn’t seem to become stressed with the failed attempts. Hell, she even seems to be happier and happier, humming as she debugs the code! What is going on?

“You know, I think this is a delightful session–” she moves closer towards you. Her right arm touches yours, hands still on your keyboard “–we’re having.”

Her perfume fills your nostrils. It pervades your space violently. You’re starting to get hypnotized by it. Fuck, she smells good.

She moves in a little closer. Her hips press into yours. You can feel her body heat against your side. She types in a few letters. You hope it can finally make your code run. She reloads the page, dragging her fingers along your keyboard lazily before submitting the credentials.

“Whoops, seems like it doesn’t work~” says Taeyeon. There’s something in her voice, but back to your laptop first. Why won’t it work, and why does she sound so–

“Looks like we’re missing a few more things here.” She scoots her chair closer to you. It’s so uncomfortable, yet you don’t want to move away from her.

You’re revelling in this.

You watch as she types more letters into your screen—enter, shift, echo. She does it so elegantly, contradicting what every computer job is supposed to be.

She reloads the page again, typing in the information languidly. It’s as if she doesn’t want this to end.

It still doesn’t show up.

She shrugs, sighing at the disappointment on your screen. “Guess I’ll try again,” she says with a small smile.

You are starting to get restless. Her perfume is still invading your nostrils like crazy. You want to go to lunch so fucking bad, but you also don’t want to leave this smell of sensuality circling around her.

“Miss Kim, I–It’s fine, I’ll just–”

“No,” she commands, her voice stern. You jump slightly as she says that. “I won’t let my student go out of this room learning nothing.”

She presses into you even more. It’s starting to hurt now, yet you don’t have any intent to walk away from her, not when she smells so fucking good like this.

You hear a soft giggle from her. Is she enjoying the way she’s getting this close to you like this?

You scoot away from her a little, giving you and her some much-needed space. You can hear her sigh. Is it out of disappointment?

“Are you okay, M–Miss Kim?” you just have to ask. Can’t let your TA be uncomfortable after all.

She giggles. “Oh, I’m fine~ and please drop that name, mister,” she says with sultry. Her fingers draw an invisible line over your arm, hovering over it. Still, it makes you shiver.

“I like something more–” her hands are hovering on your shoulder now, and she’s pulling you in closer and closer, as if you’re magnetized “–intimate.”

Your breathing becomes shaky. Your hands tremble. Her scent becomes stronger and stronger as seconds go by. You’re lost in her.

“Wh–What’s more i–intimate, Miss Kim.”

She giggles, leaning in closer. Her breath touches your ear softly, and she whispers, “Call me mommy.”

You swallow hard. Being dominated by your TA isn’t exactly what you’ve been expecting today.

Her hands start to grope your pliant body. You respond to her touch strongly, sucking a sudden. She drags her hands down the front and back simultaneously, fully capturing you in her cage.

“Look at you, so–willing,” she says, letting out a giggle after. She reaches for your belt now, and she slowly unbuckles it adeptly. It comes off so easily, leaving you bare, unguarded. She then unbuttons your trousers. The edge of your boxers comes into view.

“Mommy will take your pants off, alright?” asks Taeyeon. You can only gulp and nod.

She pulls your zipper down gently, slowly revealing the tent under your boxers. Her eyes gleam, letting out a giggle.

“Ooh~ so excited for mommy, huh?”

You say nothing but a whimper. Your body quivers in unbridled anxiety, apprehensive of disappointing her. The tension is high. Taeyeon starts to grope your erection through the boxers, making your body quiver in pleasure.

She then climbs onto your lap, and your breath hitches. Your crotch makes contact with the wet spot on her panties. You can feel it. She’s wet.

She smiles and starts to grind her wetness on your crotch. She lets out a hum, clearly satisfied with her student’s reaction. You’re desperate for the friction she’s giving you. Your breathing quickens. You’re struggling to contain a moan any longer. It’s sickly sweet.

Taeyeon rests her arms on your shoulders, pulling you closer into her embrace. You’re completely captured by her—her face, her smell, all of her, and you’re revelling in the way she’s doing it.

“Y–You smell so good, mommy,” you utter, enraptured within her pungent aroma. Your mouth opens slightly, hoping to lean in for a kiss.

She chuckles. “That’s J’adore for you, baby.”

Taeyeon then parts her lips, just slightly. She leans in until her hot breath touches yours. It mingles in the air between you two, thickening with desire.

At the first touch of your lips, you feel shockwaves coursing through you. Her tongue touches yours, and you get to feel the soft flesh inside her mouth. You get a hint of strawberries remaining on her lips. Maybe she was in a rush this morning.

As you clash into each other, her tongue starts to invade your mouth recklessly, as if she’s trying to take as much of you as possible. She lets out one sweet hum after another. Her hands are still gripping onto the back of your neck. Wet sounds of the kiss ring through your ear. The sensation on your crotch remains. She’s grinding against you adeptly. She’s good at this.

The kiss deepens. Her taste of strawberries becomes too intense for you to handle, but she won’t let you go. Her hands start to glide down your willing body again, feeling your soft skin and muscles. You let out moans and moans in response.

“M–Mommy,” you rasp, muffled into the kiss. Her grinds quicken, stealing breaths out of your lungs. You are overwhelmed by the sensation of her clothed sex on you.

Her thighs tense up, her breathing quickens. She’s going to cum from grinding on your cock, fully clothed.

She unlatches herself from the kiss, leaving a string of saliva connecting you together. “Now, fuck, mommy’s going to cum, alright? Mmmm.” She bites her lip after she finishes her words, sucking in the air through her teeth. Fuck, that looks so hot.

“Y–Yes, mommy,” you reply. Your high is also coming. “I–I’m gonna cum too.”

Taeyeon giggles before grinding on your cock even faster, drawing stuttered moans out of you. Your loins tighten. You’re going to cum inside your pants!

Good thing you wear rather dark-colored pants today.

Her breathing becomes shorter and shorter. Her grip on your neck tightens. Her moans grow louder and louder. She’s cumming, and you’re all here to see it happen.

“Gonna cum, gonna cum, gonna cum, ahh!”

Her body spasms on top of you. Her eyes flutter. Her mouth hangs open. She screams, loud. She just came from grinding on your lap alone, and that couldn’t make you happier. She lets out a groan as her orgasm subsides, threading her fingers through your hair.

“Good boy,” she says with a smile, pressing her red, pouty lips on your forehead. That’s going to leave a mark.

The all-too-familiar feeling builds up inside your stomach. It seeps through your lower body muscles. Your feet twitch. Your thighs stiffen. It’s there. It’s there.

“M-Mommy, I’m gonna cum,” you utter. 

She smiles back at you, planting another kiss on your cheek. You’ll have to wash your face before going to lunch.

“Cum for me, baby.”

You grunt loudly. Maybe someone could’ve heard that. Your body writhes in bliss. You can feel your cock twitching inside your pants. Cum leaks out from the tip and paints the insides of your pants white. Some of it seeps out through your pants. It feels so good.

A giggle leaves Taeyeon’s lips. She’s loving the way her student breaks under her like this. “Good boy, good boy.” She runs her fingers through your hair lovingly, making you whimper a little.

Your orgasm finally fades. You pant in exhaustion after the sensual act. Your hands are still shaking. You just cum from dry humping with your TA!

“You okay?” she asks. You’re probably looking disheveled right now, all panting, chest heaving. “You look–scattered.”

“Y–Yeah, mom–uh–Miss Kim,” you stammer out. Your mind is in haywire right now. Should you still call her mommy?”

Taeyeon chuckles at your apprehension. She seems satisfied with her student being a mess like this.

“Oh, and about the code,” she suddenly says, snapping you back into reality. “We might have to make an arrangement at a later date.”

You blink, trying to connect the pieces back together. You were struggling with PHP, so you asked Miss Kim to help you with that. However, you got a dry humping session instead. The code is still unfinished.

“Y–Yeah, the code,” you respond, giving her a shy smile. “An arrangement, sure.”

“Maybe–this Saturday? I don’t have classes on that day.”

“Sure, Miss Kim.”

She gives you a smile, satisfied with your answer, before climbing off your spent body. “That settles it, then.”

You smile back at her before getting off the chair–

Fuck, you forgot to put your pants back up. Taeyeon giggles softly at your predicament.

“Oh, and–be prepared,” she says.

“Yes, Miss Kim?”

“It’s going to be a long session.”

—

[gwopijon]

https://www.ctinsider.com/sports/uconn-womens-basketball/article/summer-session-ncaa-champion-geno-auriemma-20357665.php

[artsygirl0315]

[Ok I hope you don't mind me putting up an ask, but uhm..] [How does Sector PHP feel about Sector FYI/BI?] [Okay uhh, g-day!]

(I only managed to answer this with Sector BI cus of the lack of time but I'll see what I can do in the future, So sorry in advance!!)

I would certainly think that Sector PHP actually encounters Sector BI at most times more frequently than other sectors because of how their countries are neighbors to each other, They would unironically hang out given just for fun and for beneficial purposes.

For instance, Melati would be a fun training partner for Tyler and occasionally Phoebe if she ever feels to be in the mood to spar... Which she always is, She never misses the chance to work on her 'physical capabilities' with others.

In which Phoebe would often use when sneaking up on others, as well.

Jeremiah and Raya would probably get along with their shared similarities of not usually using their brains unless they feel like it, Although there are still things that tell them apart.

Jeremiah is aware of Raya's stealing habit when he notices a few of his trinkets are missing, He doesn't mind. As long as his thieving ally doesn't get caught, of course.

Raya CAN try to take a few things from Jeremiah but he oughta make sure that he actually get away with it, Keep eyes peeled for Jer's little robo buddy.

Aliya would be more in tune with Mella and Evan, Nothing gets past these two and they would know IMMEDIATELY if someone needs a little pick-me-up.

Mella would understand her struggles and be a listening ear for if Aliya wishes to rant, Evan would, as well but he's aware that Aliya would need quality time comfort too so he won't hesitate on a good little session of hair styling.

Mella and Evan would remember some little facts about Aliya and keeps them in mind for later uses, Such as Mella learning that Aliya doesn't having a proper Rainbow Monkey plush and Mella would then stitch her old one back to new just to gift it to her.

Evan won't even hesitate to share his, he has a mountain of them anyway.

That's how I believe Sector PHP would think of Sector BI, I apologize if anything is off character but hopefully you'll still like it!

Have a great day, stay awesome!!💙

[angelosearch]

Can a blorbo be a transitional object?

I am back on my bullshit with some therapy-related thoughts.

First, definitions.

What is a blorbo?

Since we're on Tumblr, ya'll probably know what a blorbo is, but if you somehow don't, it is The Character. The one you obsess over. The one you're constantly spinning around in your brain. Thinking about them can bring you comfort and/or distraction.

Of course, I have a blorbo, which is probably A HUGE SHOCKER given I never talk/write/draw/get a tattoo of him. Nope, couldn't be me. (Yes, I consider Squall my #1 Blorbo)

What is a transitional object?

Transitional objects, or "comfort objects," are (usually) physical objects that a child will use to feel comfort when separated from a caregiver. Think about your baby blanket. Or that one stuffed animal you carried everywhere. That object helps a kid self-soothe and feel in control. These objects are especially helpful around bedtime for helping the child sleep.

Sometimes, kids will personify a transitional object as a way of more safely expressing their own wants/needs/concerns. I have a client who brings her transitional object (Monkey) to session with her, and sometimes we have this friend "participate" in the art directives--that is, the client will do the exercise for Monkey. Monkey's art is usually more revealing than hers.

You can probably already see where I am going with this...

Here's the thought

In my "Human Development" class tonight, we were talking about how transitional objects function in attachment theory, especially in the context of children. When I was a child, my transitional object was the TY Beanie Baby Tiny the Chihuahua. I slept with her every night and carried her everywhere. Having her created a sense of security and comfort. Everyone in class shared our childhood objects, and all of us, one way or another, had moved on from it.

Transitional objects are called that because they help children transition from using mom/caregiver as a "secure base" (if mom/caregiver and child have healthy attachment, child feels more comfortable socializing with strangers or having new experiences while mom/caregiver is present) to using the object as that base. Eventually, we socially develop to not need the "secure base" at all, and so we grow out of needing the thread-bare blanket or the stuffed dragon your uncle gave you.

HOWEVER, many adults continue to have transitional objects to help manage anxiety. In fact, I've been in PHP programs where they are encouraged. I carried around a stone that said "May the Force be with you" on it for a while, which I fidgeted with for grounding and read for encouragement. For some people, their car is that object. Doing some reading, a phone can serve that purpose, even.

As I was doing some (very light) research on the transitional objects of adults, I also noticed that "photographs" and "documents" were mentioned. While these are still physical objects, I imagine the idea of them is more comforting than the actual print or paper. (I would love to know if anyone has thoughts about this from personal experience.) Another thing that interested me was that pets have been characterized as transitional objects within literature. The connection you have with an animal can be comforting in a similar way. Personally, I am not sure how I feel about that (my dog is not an object!), but this implies that transitional objects could have value that transcends their physicality.

That is, if ideas and relationships can be the meaning behind a transitional object, how are blorbos not transitional objects?

What do we do with our blorbos?

We:

Think about them, which provides distraction and comfort

Carry images of them (our blogs, camera rolls, plushies, stickers, even tattoos) because looking at them brings us positive feelings

Make them our secure base--We can potentially feel more comfortable socializing if they are "present" (in the conversation)

Put them in situations! And sometimes these situations reflect things we struggle with ourselves (for me, this was Squall and Laguna's estrangement in Chaos Theory)

And many of us will think about our blorbos in situations before we fall asleep to help us drift off!!!

Personally, if I am emotionally dysregulated, I will often go into my little fanfiction world, and it helps me calm down. I 100% do this before sleep, almost every night. And Squall has served as a secure base for me to explore art/writing, time and time again.

And now thinking back, when I really embraced Squall as my blorbo, the conditions were right to make me seek a transitional object. I was 11 and had just moved 30 minutes away from my childhood home. It was a big change for me, where I lost most of what I knew, including my friends. I felt isolated and insecure in this new unknown place. It was then that I played FFVIII myself and it really helped me adjust to the new environment and feel more stable... because Squall is my transitional object!

Bonus Observation

Where do we talk about our blorbos? This hellsite. What else do we all have on this hellsite? Anxiety (or some form of ND). Honestly, do you know a person with a blorbo who is neurotypical?

I think as adults it is hard to find a physical socially acceptable transitional object--so when we are facing a lot of anxiety, we use media as an in-our-pocket source of comfort.

Conclusion

I think a blorbo can and does serve many of the functions of a transitional object, especially in terms of self-soothing. A blorbo, just like a transitional object, provides a secure base for exploration, emotional regulation, and comfort enough to induce sleep.

My planned thesis for my graduate program capstone is all about how obsessing over a piece of media can be a pathway for healing (that's not exactly the thesis, just shorthand), and this is just another lens to understand the person-media relationship through.

I am curious to know if this resonates or if I am just extra weird. I am making a lot of assumptions above about what is "normal" for a fandom person on Tumblr. If I was to really look into this, I'd have to conduct interviews to see how other people use/see their blorbos.

I have a lot more research to do about attachment theory and transitional objects. There may be a concept that means a "transitional idea" as opposed to a physical object. I am also curious what this means in the context of hyperfixation.

Whether or not a blorbo is generally a transitional object for us fandom people, Squall is absolutely a transitional object for me.

(I have been so stressed about this class and I have a free hour and what do I do? I write an essay about developmental psychology anyway... smh.)

[mush-dooms]

I remember a viral video that was (non-seriously) posting the benefits for having various mental illnesses, and the one the guy gave for anorexia was "saving money." now I know he wasn't being serious, but come on man 🙄 sure you might initially save money from like, not buying enough groceries I guess?? but that assumes that you don't ever binge and that later on you don't end up in therapy, in treatment, or in the goddamn hospital.

my last ed day program (php for those who know what that is) had the low, low rate of $1400/day, and I had to pay $50/day out of pocket for housing on top of that. I'm gonna lowball this total because residential costs even more and I was in res for part of my treatment stay, and I'm not including extras like labs, but going with $1450/day for three months (let's say 90 days) is over $130,000. that was also my fifth time in treatment-- with keeping the same $1450 rate for simplicity, we're coming in at just over $650k for all five stays, and don't even get me started on lost wages from missing work for treatment. thank god I have good insurance 😭

oh, and bear in mind that this number does not include any outpatient services (therapy, dietitian appts, psychiatrists, meds, primary care, intensive outpatient programs that are often recommended as aftercare upon discharge, etc) or hospital stays (of which I haven't had so I don't have available data). that being said, even if you go the "cheap" route of, say, a once weekly session with a therapist and a dietitian, that's ~$300 a week for both. yearly that'll run you $15,000, and I have met approximately zero(0) people who are fully recovered after just one year.

but yeah, you save soooo much money by starving yourself :)

[the-nox-syndicate]

SysNotes devlog 3 - Ability to create a new profile

Welcome back to my SysNotes update! SysNotes is a system management app for people with DID, OSDD, and those who are otherwise plural.

(I will keep the intro text the same in all devlogs for context)

This devlog will be shorter than usual because I didn't want to lump it in with the next feature, which I expect will be quite long. In this devlog, I will add a way to create a new profile.

First Devlog (1) | Previous Devlog (2)

Quick Refactor before we jump in

"So I did some refactoring off-camera..." - originally, everything on the page was happening inside one component. I decided to split it up into the main page and the profile section, which is a new separate component. This will keep my code shorter and easier to maintain.

I also added a way to refer to each profile individually by their ID in the URL:

(Colin's profile is ID 4, which is shown in the URL)

I was also storing profile data as separate variables, which would be inconvenient to individually pass into the new main profile component. So I moved them all into one variable:

(old | new)

Design of the New Profile form

To be honest, I've been dreading this part since the beginning. I mean, how do I even lay this out? 💀

It is common for developers to avoid UI design because they are "coders not designers". I, for one, quite enjoy web design. Still, this task feels quite overwhelming to me. So, let's take this little mockup I made and turn it into something usable 💪

Too much stuff?

I think the biggest challenge here is the sheer number of inputs. And as the app grows, the number of inputs in this form will only increase.

The only mandatory input for a new profile is just their name. Therefore, the first step should be separating the Name field from the rest of the inputs.

The new and improved New Profile form is looking much better now:

...Yes, really! That's the whole form!

You are unlikely to know everything about an alter that has just split, so all those fields are completely unnecessary for an alter to be added to the list. Every other detail can be added later through the edit mode, where each field can be edited separately without needing one giant form.

Another big reason why I decided to forego the big form altogether is that the code for saving a new profile and the code for editing a profile would be almost exactly the same (including validation), and it wouldn't make sense to duplicate this code if I can just use it in one instance.

Saving a new profile

Let's add some validation to the input field to make sure that the user enters the name in a correct format.

As the Name is stored in the database as a string, it has the maximum length of 255 characters. Trying to save a longer name than this will cause errors, so we need to validate the input to make sure it's safe to insert into the database:

Here's what happens when I input a whole paragraph of Lorem Ipsum text and try to save it:

On the other hand, a shorter name saves just fine:

By the way, these flash messages are added in 2 ways: the success is a session message, and the error is an error stored separately by the validator. The flash messages originally have no styling, so I defined those myself using Tailwind's "@apply" for efficiency.

Once submitted, the name list automatically updates with our new profile:

(And if I click cancel it just empties the input)

Okay, let's click on Jenny's profile to see what it looks like! ...Oh

This is because the code tries to access Jenny's status, but she doesn't have one yet, she only has a name!

(When I pull the data from the database, I'm trying to access a non-existent value)

(And when I display the values I got from the database, the display may break if the value is NULL)

(This error applies to all profile fields, not just status, however the app crashes after just the first error it comes across so the remaining errors are not shown)

This can easily fixed by using PHP's "isset()" and/or "empty()" function, which checks if a variable has a value:

(I'm using a ternary operator as a more compact alternative to if-else. it basically goes: "if this condition is true ? then do it : if not, do something else")

(And here I just check if these values are not blank before rendering them)

Success, Jenny's profile shows!

Now, we just have to populate this profile with data about Jenny, and to do that we'll need to be able to edit each field. I will work on this in the next devlog, as I expect this to take quite some time.

Thanks so reading! As always, any suggestions are welcome!

[lilacsandsadprose]

Therapy yesterday was really good. L and I continue to talk about my OCD and how it intersects with my trauma. L thinks it makes a LOT of sense for me to be dealing with this, considering that as a child, nothing was predictable. Everything was bad. I was let down by pretty much every adult that crossed paths with me.

L thinks I deal with moral obsessions and compulsions: I will contaminate others either emotionally or physically by being bad. So I have to be good. If I'm bad I have to erase it, confess, repent for it, etc.

We talked about how back when I was in PHP, I had one day where I was feeling especially "bad" and "contaminated," I was struggling quite a bit, and I had to force myself to leave the program because I was worried about contaminating the group. I was also deeply afraid that leaving the program without my clinician's permission was wrong, that I'd get in trouble, so I apologized frantically and compulsively to my clinician the next day, not understanding why I had to "leave" in the first place. She absolutely did not understand where my anxiety was coming from, what to say, or how to best support me. It logically makes no sense. It's okay to have a bad day at program, that's actually what the program is for? But no, my OCD was pulling me into a milling different loops of anxiety and rumination. I had to separate myself from the group. I didn't want to get them "dirty" with my "badness." Ugh.

L mentioned last week that she wants to try to do an exposure with me. It sounds bizarre, but one of my trauma triggers is the color red. My parts that hold trauma memories are all seen so vividly in the headspace as the color red. I see my parts as colors. I honestly only learned their names probably about a year ago, so for the past couple of years, L and I have divided and identified my parts with color. The "bad" traumatized parts appear red. My traumatic memories are red. During flashbacks I "see red." As a result of this, I deeply fear the color red. I won't wear a red t-shirt. I won't own a red object. I am terrified of all red foods.

L wants to bring in a red candy or snack to eat together and challenge my fear, even if I can't do it all at once. If anything happened, I guess somebody would be there. I'm not opposed to it completely and do kind of feel motivated to try the exposure despite the anxiety it gives me just thinking about it.

At one point the conversation somehow transitioned to me saying that I was afraid to lose our relationship, but that I also thought that it was "bad" and "wrong" to feel attached to her, and to feel this way. It makes me gross. But I guess it makes sense. I've been seeing her for a long time now. I see her twice a week. We talk every couple of days. How wouldn't I be attached? Why would I keep going back to therapy if I didn't feel an attachment to the relationship?

L is really good with the attachment stuff. I've never had that before. She makes me feel really normal and likable, even. She says she likes me a lot and that I've taught her a lot throughout these last couple of years. But the attachment doesn't necessarily feel unhealthy. Despite needing skills coaching often, I'm pretty good with boundaries, and she hasn't crossed any of mine. She's a relational therapist and she's really used that approach to work with me, without taking advantage of it. It doesn't feel scary like relationships I've had with "providers" in the past.

We talked about some trauma related things, the flashbacks and nightmares I'm having, how I'm continuing to cope with repressed memories and grief. We talked about parts, and a little about some more normal, lighthearted things.

I left feeling okay. It was a good session. I don't see her again on Monday because she's going to a wedding. When I was leaving I said, "be safe," and she responded with, "I hope so!" which made me uneasy, but I know she's really trying to challenge my OCD, and not give me the reassurance I feel like need. I hope the next week goes okay without having the Monday session. I kind of hate missing Monday's, but I do still have FSG group in the afternoon, which should help.

[ocularpatdowns]

i REALLY wanna do a series of one shot fics and/or comics about Dennis being in a PHP (either because his regular therapist told him to or as a step down program from a stint in rehab for a crack relapse)

like it would be SO funny because (from my personal experience) PHPs are by definition very supportive and friendly environments and Dennis is the total opposite of that!

and he’d totally over-share, like:

Clinician: ok, time for morning check-in! Dennis, how did you sleep last night?

Dennis: i slept very well :)

Clinician: great! i know you often have trouble sleeping. what coping skills did you use to help get some rest?

Dennis: oh my partner and i banged for hours!

Clinician: uh-

Dennis: yeah he really railed me

Other Patient #1: jeez—

Dennis: it was very satisfying

Other Patient #2: bruh—

Clinician: ok—

Dennis: i mean, it’s not a surprise that he knows how to satisfy my nearly insatiable sexual needs. Mac has been studying my sex tapes for decades, so he’s learned from the best

Other Patient #3: gross you’re like 50

Clinician: ok Dennis, that’s eno—

Dennis: anyway, after he fucked my brains out, i was able to sleep peacefully through the night

Clinician: im happy for you, Dennis, but once again, you really don’t need to give that much detail during group

Dennis: (unbothered) hey i’m just answering your question

Clinician:…thank you

Dennis: oh and i won’t be participating in today’s yoga session. he really blew my back out, as the zillennials say

Clinician: *exhausted sigh* ok

[never-not-ever]

new therapist and PHP

So yesterday I had my first session with my new therapist and it wasn't bad. I already like her and feel like I can open up easy to her. She reminds me of a nurse from inpatient in a good way! It was a very chill, lowkey, sarcastic, funny nurse so it's not a bad thing.

I talked mainly about the possibility of this PHP program. I heard back from the admissions coordinator and she was happy to hear from me and said she'd would welcome my reapplication. I have to write a personal statement and I need a narrative from a family member-my grandmother. When I heard this and remembered about how keen they are on family involvement and family therapy I kind of started to question myself with this program. I really don't want my grandmother involved but I feel guilty because she's the one helping me pay for that although- I'll get to that next...

So I also asked for clarification on the costs of the program because it's self pay. There's an initial fee you pay the day before the program and then they bill your insurance for the groups. The individual therapy and family therapy though, ughhh that's billed privately to you and "most families submit claims to insurance for partial reimbursement". First off I have shitty state insurance and I called today and they don't do any out-of-network reimbursements. The admissions coordinator said that some people will pay for plans with BCBS. I set up a phone call for someone from BCBS to call me Monday so I can ask them questions about this. It's so complicated and making me want to just say fuck it all it's not going to work. Because I have state insurance (I don't even know if this is the right term?) it's Medicaid and therefore because I qualify for Medicaid I can't purchase an individual BCBS plan but they do have Medicaid HMO plans. I have no idea what any of this means hence me planning on asking questions on Monday.

Like one-if they would accept claims and partially reimburse- wait I'm getting ahead of myself. My Nana and myself were both under the impression of the initial fee thinking that was it. I'm not going to talk about the cost on here but it's kind of a lot. The monthly therapy fees can vary and I calculated it based on the lowest possible option and multplied it by 6 months and that total it more than double what the initial fee is and I know my grandmother does not know this. I think she might have known there could be a little extra each month but definitely not this much.

Ughhh I'm getting frustrated thinking of all this cause I just don't see it working out. And it sucks cause of course when I finally feel ready for this program, finally am a little future oriented and dare I say hopeful, picturing my life with this program of course something would come up and take it away.

My new therapist is great and was very like "well lets see what we can do about finding other groups for you to join" and she's also one who does like phone coaching/skills coaching, like I can text her and I could ask to meet earlier in the week or have a brief call. So I'm feeling hopeful having her. But the more I think about this PHP the more annoyed I get and just want to say fuck it all.

Have zero mental energy to go back and reread all this crap.

[carrotzcake]

Inpatient doesn’t want to accept me…probably because I threatened them with a lawsuit. They’ve referred me out once to res, then to another IP facility. They said I “don’t meet the criteria” which is false.

I want IP because I just want a jumpstart on nutritional rehabilitation and weight restoration, with a program and team I know and trust, along with appropriate medical care as needed given my changes in medication and physiological symptoms.

I did an assessment at 2 other places, one recommended res, one approved me for php. Apparently I don’t qualify for FMLA so I should just quit since this job has been nothing but trouble. If I at least give notice, by the end of 2 weeks, I’ll hopefully have a job offer or be off the php waitlist? I wouldn’t have insurance unless I paid for cobra but my psych and therapist don’t even take insurance.

I don’t want to be surrounded by exceedingly sick people who are playing games and triggering me for weeks on end. I want to be in and out, get my life back on track.

In some ways, I don’t think I’m sick. I think I can get well if I spend more time on my recovery and less in ptsd flashbacks or panicking at work. If my RD would actually attend a session and follow thru with what she’s said she’ll do, maybe I’d be in a better place.