#physical affection event
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FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST: BROTHERHOOD, OP 1
They're her family, and something horrible happened to them. And... that kind of means that something horrible happened to her, too. — Milena, LM Reactions
#fma#fmab#edward elric#alphonse elric#winry rockbell#fullmetal alchemist#guess who learned to gif just for this#the quote is from the named channel's video on episode 9#under which a commenter said to the quoted thought above:#''I think this is why in the intro you see Winry get buffeted by the wind. I used to think that was kind of dorky‚ but now I realize-#-it's to communicate that Winry was just as affected by the events‚ just not physically''#because YES! that's IT!#i used to also not get the wind thing and chalk it up to 'they had to put winry in there' but this makes so much more sense#my gifs
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Only a few hours into 2024 (in my time zone), and Japan has experienced tons of earthquakes followed by the most urgent tsunami warning since 3/11.
I am terrifed.
I hate 2024 already. Please take it back.
For those concerned (and know Japanese), here's the livestream I'm watching. Rn it's essentially, "flee for your lives, while you still can!"
youtube
If you for whatever reason are living along the affected areas of the west coast of Japan rn and are bumming on tumblr instead of listening to the news, evacuate, NOW.
#Japan#tsunami#natural disasters#emergency alert#earthquakes#current events#YukiPri rambles#i think i'm going to throw up#i was not physically present in affected area of 3/11 but i was deeply involved in relief efforts afterwards and#having some real flashbacks rn#gods i hope everyone will be okay#also i know this area personally i spent so many summers there#i know so many people there#it's so personal
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Tarlos Wedding Celebration Event [Week 1] -> favourite tarlos centric episode(s) -> 3.13
#911 lone star#911lsedit#tarlosweddingevent#tarlos#tk strand#carlos reyes#nothing has topped 3.13 for me yet#the physical affection. the flirting. the obstacles. the communication. the arc of it all.#my gifs#queue it up#tarlosweddingcelebration#(also they both looked hot as hell in this episode. not a factor in it being a fave. but a nice bonus)#also this is the first time I’m making gifs for a theme/prompt event thing so hopefully I tagged/captioned everything right lol 🤣#episode: s03e13 riddle of the sphynx
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You guys have no fucking clue how much we have to correct our character names here, btw. We'll be writing something and we'll think to ourself "oh yeah, the time loop guy, the guy who's in the time loop, we have a whole ass character named loop right" and then The Time Loop Guy's name is Siffrin and Loop is an entire different character that we're not even entirely sure is in the time loop, per se, as much as they're meta-aware and existing on a slightly different angle of reality to most of the people here. Their name's, like, been at least halfway reassigned to Dandelion in our brain. We swear we're gonna, like, call them Bonnie or Isabeau or some shit some loop and then not catch it in time. We've got Character Roulette Syndrome.
#we speak#not liveblog#we're like half sure that if we descaled loop in one time loop and then came back the next they'd still be descaled#we're like half certain that they're the particular flavor of meta character where they're partially immune to the narrative#due to existing closer to the player's UI and such and thus more detached from the general game events#they aren't affected by the loops because they're not a part of the pieces of the world that's looping in the first place#they're a layer up woven around the very interface that the player uses to connect to the game#they feel like physical consequences would persist cross-loop even when they really debatably Shouldn't#still don't know what precisely they represent though
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yeah, I just feel really really numb.
#thoughts#trying to not overspill on here#but the current world events are truly sending me down the mental health gutter right now#it's not even like I didn't know what kind of nightmare world order we live in but#yeah can't focus on anything#I'm really physically isolated too and cannot leave my house for the whole week#so I genuinely cannot do anything beyond giving donations that are kept from reaching destination#and pretend everything is fine and dandy at work as if I had it in me to care about videogames at the moment#while my government reveals once again how much a fascist conglomerate of US-bootlickers white supremacist pieces of shit they really are#sorry it's normally not the tone here but I just... it's so disheartening#witnessing utterly inhumane violence branded as righteous and inevitable#and I know it's in moments like these that it's vital not to give up on people and to band together and believe in democracy etc etc#but god are we being tested right now#and I'm not even... affected like I'm not someone who might get directly hurt as a result of all this#but even this unearned privilege feels rancid and rotten and so fucking wrong#I don't understand how so many people can just... go on with their day as this is happening#as everybody's place in the system is being cemented and enforced by all manners of violence#I mean I do understand helplessness is a thing we truly cannot do much individually especially when your country banned protests#but yeah#might delete later
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christian worship that isn't just white people justifying their shitty beliefs is a hell of a lot better than whatever catholics got going on
#working a broadcast of an event that a bunch of local (largely black) churches participate in#where they sing songs in praise of god + jesus and it's like they very much Do feel the almighty in the room with them. or something#a difference i largely see culturally between white (and latine) and black worship is#worshiping in fear of punishment/as attonement vs praising a figure because He gave them this life and they're thankful#<- latinos included because at least in mx everything is largely Catholic and catholicism is very attonement-focused#also obv not every church is the same etc etc whatever. my mom's family is boring White lutherans and my dad's is slightly#practicing catholics. so i get boring shit and more boring shit whenever we *have* to do something church related#and as someone not raised religiously i break this kinda stuff up into either 'boring' or 'wow! interesting' based on Vibes and#how much it *really* seems to affect people. seeing people physically moved from a song about jesus means more to me than#some guy standing there reciting bible passages
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#bit of a rant/vent#new logan lore: i do not have ocd or bipolar disorder#but i’ve been officially diagnosed with adhd and ptsd#i’m so nonchalant about it as if hearing the words ptsd didn’t rock my whole world#for almost three years i’ve been like. yeah this event caused me a lot of distress and nothing has been the same since and it was traumatic#but surely i’m okay like it’s not a big deal i’m doing fine#turns out. not doing fine!!!#talking about it made me feel so horrible as if i was reliving it again#it hurts so much it was such a horrible experience and i never dealt with it and it’s been festering#and it’s caused all these intrusive thoughts and physical pain and i wanted to pretend that it was nothing serious but. it is isn’t it?#at the same time it feels liberating to just admit to myself that this affected me deeply to the point it’s affecting my life#i’ve been suspecting i’ve had adhd for a while now so i wasn’t very surprised about that#but yeah i’m starting proper treatment for the actual things that are happening#here’s to healing!!!#logan.txt
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not to get gay on the dash but i love how affectionate this fandom is. like someone said kisses you in the tags of my posts once and im forever changed and in love with life now
#can you tell ive had a lifetime of being taught that im a disgusting creature for wanting physical touch#can you tell that Current Events have only enforced this belief#idk if its 2020’s hannibal fandom or just tumblr in general now but i love it#i have one place where my affection isnt slimy. another win for banjay nation
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… What are those…? Coins? What are they for?
It gives a slow nod in response, then sits up a little bit straighter and leans, just slightly, in Edwin's direction. The gesture reminds of a cat asking to be pet.
#the door unlocked • [ asks ]#revisiting what never happened • [ event: in another reality ]#[^ very very bad at asking for physical affection]
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it’s that time of night again lads
#i am ACHING to DO something to FEEL something real#music doesn’t do it anymore. im listening to everything in my library and feeling nothing. so fuckibg empty#might go to a show of some punk band i don’t listen to. poser for the thrills. go int he pit. im craving physical#contact. i want someone to beat me up or fuck me really hard or both or something#but im too fucking ugly for dating apps and too fucking nervous to attend any…events.#but im literally like. starved for corporeal sensation i feel like a ghost#and mental stimulation too. but no intellectual or spiritual or emotional shit is affecting me anymore#and tmi but ive discovered i can’t even c*m on these pills#driving me up the WALLSSSSSSS please someone give a reason to run#might sign up for some extreme sport. or something#i don’t even do drugs but it feels like i need a tolerance break. from WHAT though?? phone? phonebad???#jamie.txt
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Me while rereading: You should kill him
Also:
They marriages hehe ♥
#Come closer Morinaga I hold no ill will towards you lol#It's playful ribbing :) Mostly :) Lol ♪#So I may or may not have come into the ownership of the entire currently-released collection of KoiBo manga in Japanese lol#It's so nice to own ahhhh <3 <3 It's so strange to finally hold it!#Also can we talk about manga prices in Japanese vs English? I get the whole translation and publishers thing but like#581円 for one volume? That's like four dollars USD! We average $10 here! How'd that happen#I mean I still didn't pay even that much for them since they were secondhand hehe ♥#But reading them physically is such a weird experience now haha - I've spent years reading them only digitally!#Previously there was like this continuous flow from one volume into the next - no physical delineation! No hard stops!#So now re-learning where the story beats are and how that affects the timbre of storytelling - it's interesting :0#Seeing that it took three volumes - or two depending on how you count it lol - it took til the third volume anyhow#For them to start to get on the same page and actually communicate and then all the middle-amble (preamble in the middle lol)#It's interesting! It's not quite like reading it blind again - especially since I can't actually read the kanji yet lol#But it does change a bit of the feel :) I'm excited to start to be able to put events to volumes rather than chapters! :D#The little bits of English that dot around are always very charming of course haha ♪#Since they got married in the US they put English on their wedding card! That's so cute!#That is an actual picture I took while reading haha ♪#That's another thing - reading in person really lets me see the toning as intended and ahhhh it's so pretty <3#The details really pop! That aspect is like reading blind again hehe#Happy :D#Koisuru Boukun
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#and so i came back here. because in here i can find joy and sorrow. laugh a little and cry a lot because someone made a post i resonate with#it makes me feels understood. a private and intimate place that is also shared at the same time. and strangely; like a home#but i came back without knowing who i am. I see someone else in the mirror. Is that a monster? a sinner? a human? a normal man?#after all that effort leaving depression and self hate from my adolescence behind. from being proud of myself for being different to all me#was all a lie? how could i do such awful and terrible thing to the person i swore to protect? the person i love the most#i said i would never do that kind of unforgivable act. And here i am. Alive after the event. I want to drop dead. To dissapear from here.#But at the same time i want to fix what i did. in order to do that i need to heal. to change. be happy. to live. and i hate it#how can i do all of that with the weight of guilt crushing me and telling me i killed myself that day? i am just a shell of who i was#how to change what i thought was the best version of me? i was supposed to be different no harmful and kind man!!!#i already asked for help. and they told me it was not all my fault. But i still think it is. There is no way it can be 50/50#physical actions are only responsibility of the ones who made it. circumstances are not a reason to diminish them guilt#a confused person is not deserving of any part of the guilt. they do not have control over themselves. but the other ones sure have it#yes. they might have started and added little physical actions. but i refused and it never came to completion. which is the opposite of min#physical trauma can spawn emotional and mental trauma as well. is way more bad and deep that the emotional one i might have#i want to kill that trash in front of the mirror. why are you still living bitch? just to be a parasite and hurt people on the go?#to make irreversible mistakes that affects every person around you? your decisions never end well. why do not you just give up already?#and yet here i am. trying to not isolate myself thanks to the safe place i found here. I can write what is on my mind. gives me some relief#because the only person i talked everyday is the same one i hurted as i never thought i would in my life#Hope i can found redemption one day. I hope they can heal and be happy soon and forever.#I am going to always be worry about them (i am sure of that) but i wish nothing but the best for them. I want nothing to hurt them again.#They never deserved the trauma and guilt. They suffered more than enough way before i step in and fucked up everything.#Life. if you can hear me. Please give them recovery. happyness. health and lots of love. They deserve it. Please#They did nothing wrong! Take them pain away and put it in me. I will stay alive just for that if is neccesary#I wanted to kill myself way long ago. but i still here. I might want to kill myself again. but i still will be here.#Just leave them be happy. That is what i really want
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i think im in big trouble
#i hate history so much#i think i once made a post about ''the reason i hate it is because i dont understand it but im getting there and economics is interesting#and politics is too i just hate it because i dont understand it'' bc i genuinely thought so. no i just hate it so fucking much#i have a presentation next week about a current event and i have to answer ''how does this affect canada'' and its gotta talk about either#economics or politics and i know NOTHING about that. literally 0. today this kid got humiliated because his current event was about a#school shooting recently and it was like social psychological soething and no econ/politics and i wanted to die#its gonna be me next week im actually going to cry i hate history guys like. i'd rather physics and thats saying SOMETHING. it also doesnt#help that my history teacher is like. bullshitting everything. he's so smart dont get me wrong. one of the most philosophical and smartest#men i've met but holy jesus fuck he can't teach. he can talk and talk and talk but he doesnt teach you how to get those conclusions and#actually apply them to like stuff. yeah i have to talk about the economy and shit but how do i do that. i can memorize thigns he says but#that's not understanding???? there's an alternate history teacher and im actually going to cry bc hes an actual teacher and he also likes#me very much. (he is literally paying for my physics tutoring...). anyyways that's that.#also at work i won an award for personnel with most customer 5/5 stars#like god i love my job#and today i might or might not have purposely flirted with a man so that he could do the survey that gives me 5/5#lol#produce guy is actually a robot i fear. either that or he genuinely doesn't like me because
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the feeling of wanting to hug my guy friend and lean my head companionably on his shoulder but hesitant because i don’t wang to present myself as clingy or inappropriate or just weird (or worse, other people around get the wrong impression)
#he was my acting coach for a while but now he’s more of a mentor and friend and someone i really look up to#and he means SO much to me#i’ve been realizing that when i let someone into my circle of trust i tend to express affection for them through touch a lot#but stupid societal norms make it So Freaking Hard with male/female friendships#the man is hecking MARRIED and all the affection i feel for him is completely platonic#more of an older brother if anything (he’s ten years older than me) or at least a very special friend#like a kindred spirit!! that’s it!! you know!!#and Yet there’s always a part of me that feels awkward and worries about him or people getting the wrong impression#like i WANT physical affection and closeness! and there’s no ulterior motive at all! why does it feel so tricky?#and i don’t do this with everyone. it’s those Quality Friends that i choose to trust and be vulnerable with and with whom i feel safe#hnggghhhh#don’t know what to do :(((#he’s leaving tonight (i’ve been away from home for a bit visiting friends and staffing at an event and he was also staff)#and i Know i will mis him So Much#belle speaks#stories of my life
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I’ll go to bed at a normal hour tonight. if I can just get this 2.5d assignment done—
#this grand slam combo of lack of sleep + frequent caffeine intake + STRESSSS#from current events + my personal life#is affecting my physical health#if I have a heart attack this semester I blame the fucking grind
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Am I hard to love am I a huge effort to love
#is that why this has happened is that why this is happening and I’m this#i need to know that I’m not hard to love#I just need to know that those actions were not because I’m hard to love or I wasn’t physically good enough#bc one friend already discarded me for it#and it hurts it hurts#my mental fortitude is so low#anniversary of a parents death spending all day panicking and worrying about the other#my own health issues#I’m alone I’m scared nobody can hold me through this I’ll go to bed alone and terrified of what’s coming next#I just wanted to travel and try things and make memories with someone but now I’m so SO SCARED OF the next sequence of events#:(( please hug me please please just gently give me affection
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