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popculturebuffet · 1 year

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Pirate Week Finale: The Pirates: In An Adventure with Scientists: The Book: A Rope of Sand (Comission for WeirdKev27)

Hello all ye happy swabs and welcome to the finale of pirate three days in a clump. And I saved something special for it: So last year pirate month, I watched Pirates!:in an adventure with scientists, the aardman cult classic based on GIdeon Defoe's series of novels, specifically the first one with the same name. At least in the uk over here it was band of misfits because Sony Pictures had a case of the stupids back then, also editing out some more adult jokes that kids would not have noticed, come on.

The film was fantastic, a fun film, one of aardman's best and so much better on rewatch. So naturally I was now curious to check out the books, which I didn't even know existed before the review and which Kev was a big fan of. And in his Kev way, he went a tad overboard but in a very kind way: He sent me the ENTIRE series to review at some point, and still is paying to commission them. What a guy. So each pirate month and outside of that when it fits, we'll be looking at this fine series. I also plan to get my hand on Defoe's other books, because I really liked this one.

As i'm not really attempting to hide, Pirates! BOM is a good a book as it is a movie. This isn't a huge suprise as not only did the film had aardman but much like Douglas Adams and Brian Lee O'Malley he kept a close eye on his masterwork by working on the film, doing the screenplay. As a result the film really does keep the tone of this book perfectly, with several scenes directly transplanted: the pirate captain's introduction, the airship joke about it being "used to look down ladies tops" (And the payoff later with the albino pirate proving it's indeed true), the pirates love of ham, it's all there. That being said what I found fascinating is that, much like those authors I mentiond while they worked on the adaptations closesly they also made sure it was a distinct work of it's own. As such while there are similarties in the plot, most notably charles darwin being the featured guest for this adventure, our heroes dressing up as scientests, mr bobo and his unsightly ass, almost everything else is diffrent.. but still prettty dang good. And you can sea what I mean under the cut.

I coudln't find anything on why this book exists and any interviews with defoe I could find were in audio form and this review is behind enough as is. Thankfully it's the last one i'm behind on and hopefully i'll finally have a resonable schedule again this week. What I can tell is he's a very funny man, is still active on twitter (I refuse to use X both because X dosen't belong to them but mutantkind and a certain reploid, and because it's just.. stupid. It's hilariously stupid. ) , and has his heart in the right place.

That said the book itself.. is brilliant. The style is hilarious and it's clear DeFoe was inspired by an idol after my own heart, Terry Pratchett. For those unware of him... Sir Terry was a fantasy juggernaught who wrote the hilarious and heartfelt discworld series, one of my faviorites and one i'm not even close to having read all of. Like DeFoe here sir terry took a genre and made a world that's one giant weird spoof of it while also including bhits of modern life (scaled for the time period) and used footnotes for laughs. In Gideons case he's aware kids are one of his audiences so he includes educational footnotes, some actually helpful, but most hilarious while also usually being helpful in some way, adding history to a work that blatantly laughs at the idea of being historically accurate: the pirate captain uses post its, one of the pirates plays murder she wrote on his acordion, there's no attempt whatosever ot be historically accurate and it's happy that way, while still showing Defoe clearly loves history and still throwing bits of actual history in there.

As for the plot itself the book, like the film it follows the dread and loveable Pirate Captain and his misfit crew who at this point have been on a bunch of adventures we've never seen and never will, love ham and are a jolly and loveable sort despite still running through people and gladly walking members of the plank they've run out of use for. The Pirate Captain is a boisterious sort who knows way less than he thinks he does, has a giant ego and the attention span of a me, but his men do love him and he dearly loves them.

Other notable pirates in this version are the pirate with a scarf, his best friend, first mate and the one who keeps most things running. In a refshing change of pace for this sort of dynamic, Pirate Captain , while trying not to show it too hard, KNOWS he needs pirate with a scarf and treats him accordingly, even giving the man full repsect. He'll cheat the guy at mini golf but goes out of his way to save him because he knows he needs PWAS and clearly loves the guy. There's also the albino pirate from the film if less prominent and pirate iwth an acordion, the only one to really factor into the plot. The rest are just a jolly bunch of weird man children.

The book starts with the group just riffing a bit, debating over what's best about being a pirate (And I have to agree with the captain, the shanties. ) , how to cook ham and just having a lot of fun. There's also a lot of talk of how to get girls, mention of gay pirates that's suprisingly not nearly as bad as you'd expect from a 2000's written farce, and some other nonsense till the plot kicks in. That's really the vibe of this book: while there is a plot, it's just there as a thin spine for nonsense, to move our heroes from one set piece to another. It still has progression but there's a lot of bits we'll get to that don't really advance the plot that much or coudl've been cut out.. but are just too funny NOT to. DeFoe , unlike pratchett, focuses less on comedy through plot and more just rediculous set pieces and clever banter. It's the books charm: it's just a lot of really funny , clever nonsense stacked on top of each other like a bunch of pirate children in a pirate trenchcoat.

So to get to our next set comedy bit, the pirates are invited by their old foe black belamy for a feast. Pirates really like their feasting here. Belamy, like the movie is Pirate Captain's main rival though here he's got a much diffrent vibe: while he's still a scoundrel her prefers to scheme and manipulate for his very short screentime rather than be a bullying dude bro. I mean not being played by Jeremy Piven helps.

At any rate Belamy challenges the pirate captain to cards.. and then looses. Really badly. He only manages to not loose all his money by bartering the location of a ship from the bank of england.. and given the title you can probably guess that it's the beagle, Charles Darwin's ship.

We also get something that was phased out of the aardman version as it just didn't fit their style when the pirates raid Darwin's ship: out and out murder. While the animated film wasn't above dark comedy or the ocasoinal bawdy joke, the book has a LOT more death. Most of it works: we get a love triangle between Darwin and his first mate FitzRoy... only for the object of it to get suddenly cannonballed to death; This itself.. would not be funny and would be kinda gross... if it werne't ofr the fact the two just patch up their feud so casually afterwords. It's so fucked up it works and that's how it works for most gags like this: the pirates later just.. walk a bunch of them off the plank as it's a normal thing they do.

The one time it really, really REALLY dosen't, is with the monkeys. You.. might want to skip to the puffy kitty to avoid reading about this portion. So... the pirates cut open the monkeys thinking their full of treasure. That's it... I'll spare you the gruesome details but it's just.. not funny and just gross and depressing. The joke to it just isn't funny.

Okay we're clear. Shockingly in contast to the film despite this version of Pirate Captain being a tad more ruthless (he's way more willing to threaten with his cutlass).. he's more than happy to help darwin out of the kindness of his heart. Darwin's dillema is diffrent here. Here instad of not really taking off Mr. Bobo, his monkey he's trained with cards to talk, is working well.. too well. The Bishop of Britan wants him to stop it and has kindapped his brother erasamus to try and get Darwin to stop. So with that our heroes set off to london Before arriving though we get some fun hyjinks as Darwin is utterly annoyed at the pirates stopping off for an arcade then pirate themed mini golf. The pirates short attention span and the pirate captain's blatant cheating is just.. gold.

Then in london we get them disgusing themselves as scientests which is a lot of fun before PIrate Captain. .actually has a plan. The bishop recently bought PT Barnum's circus, complete with the Elephant Man. Sadly this did not make it into the greatest showman. So PC sends his number 2 pirate with a scarf and pirate with an accordion because they need more than one to go investgiate while he hits up the local pirate convention.. which shockingly depsite all indications.. isn't a trap. It's a nice swerve, it's really just a modern fan convention but for pirates, with PC's old friend Scruvy Jake setting him up with a booth and PC buying pirate merch and likely running more than a few annoying fans through with a broadsword. Ther'es also your standard con jokes from a 2000's work: it being mostly men, annoying questions, models and such.. all pretty trite for a book that's mostly pretty funny. There's also a joke I HOPE isn't transphobic where Scurvy Jake apologizes for a previous adventure with "I could've sworn those were womeN'

Just.. no Gideon. No. Even for 2004.. no.

While/before all this is going on, order really dosen't matter here, Pirate with Acrodion meets a girl, they have some realy nice times but sadly she's just not into him. She is hliarious though, especially when talking to the elephant man and not getting that no, tha'ts just a cruel nickname he's not elephant related. We also get a SONG from him that's pure gold.

I look like some ex-pe-ri-ment! But please believe me i'm a proper gent! I seem like a monster, but what you don't know is I got a scorching case of neurofibromitosis!

Someone anyone.. please sing that for me. Our heroe snaturally wind up kidnapped.. except pirate with an acordion. While he catches up later he also quickly dies from scurvy. We get another of the best bits in the book when they confront the bishop.. not on turning ladies into soap so he can maintain his youth. I mean that's bad but our heroes are more concerned he's not taking them out to a proper dinner and instead kidnapping them with his creepy circus. Just the way he goes on about how he TRIES to take them out, even gives them his best evil laugh but they never go home with him is so fucking good. We also get some great cutaways of Pirate with a Scarf, Jennifer and Erasmus, who happens to be on the same death trap inside big ben pirate with a scarf's been strapped to playing animal vegetable or mineral. Back with Pirate Captain after meeting with Scruvy Jake, and figuring his first mate's been kidnapped, he comes up with a plan. So I present to you one of the funneist things i've ever experinced: He says the bishop has been spreading rumors of the HOLY GHOST ITSLEF coming to attack darwin for his theories being too blasphemous, figuring Darwin's presentation of mr bobo needs a bit of pagentry and luring the bishop out. He then has scurvy jake, whose implied to have gitantisim, put on a bed sheet, and put Charles Darwin through a table, wrassling style. I also like the foot note here, which not only mentions how dangerous wrestling is for actual professionals but uses Mick Foley as the perfect example. For those not aware of him

Mick is both one of the most decorated wrestlers the WCW, ECW, TNA and especailly WWE has seen, but he also put his body thorugh ABSOLUTE HELL, loosing multiple teeth, getting embeded with tacks and being in regular pain due to the shit he's done. Even Vince McMahon whose neglagance has caused countless tragedies told mick after his utterly brutal hell in a cell match with the undertaker "NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT AGAIN'. Kindly because mick was half dead at that point, and for vince that says a lot. Especially since years later he'd do the holy ghost thing but for realizes. No really vince mccmahon booked a match with "Me and the product of my semen shane" versus you (born again christan wrestler Shawn Micheals) and your god".

Anyway Mr Bobo wins via folding chair as does science and Darwin decides to spruce up his presetnation in the future william castle style. Before he can though our heroes have to head for the rescue. We get an utterly amazing fight between Pirate Captain and the Bishop, who throws troglodites at him like discus and the two later fight with precious metals and recite their atomic weights.

After Bobo saves PC at the last second our heros commender the airship.. and in a great bit not only have the rest of the crew been wearing dinosaur masks and goofing off in the gift shop but many keep them on during the raid, leading to one of my faviorite lines in anything ever.

"Dino-pirates! It's my worst nightmare!"

I sometimes get burnt out on this job, get exausted. The falling behind, the large amount of for hire work.. but it's lines like this that remind me both why it's worth it and why for hire work is worth it: i likely never would've read this glorious sentence without having been paid to review the movie last year.

Our heroes manage to save the rest of our heroes in time, Pirate Captain hooks up with jennifer, Pirate iwth a scarf is relieved, and our heroes sail off, with the pirate captain having gotten some precious metal in his beard. They also abandon the bishop on an island, though he gets to take 8 records and 8 books of his choice. Just don't do robison curose. it's cliche.

As should be obvious.. this book is fucking fantastic and if you can get a copy, do. It's hilarious from start to finish, creative an da really brisk read at only 130 pages. I look forawrd to whenever I return to this series next. This was really fantastic stuff. Thanks for reading.

#pirate months #pirates band of misfits #pirates in an adventure with scientists #gideon defoe #pirates #books #aardman

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