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sukirichi · 3 years

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reckless [02.]

With a lackadaisical playboy as your boss, being reckless wasn’t an option. But on the one time you let loose and made mistakes, your life is shattered, and now you’re playing house with your insufferable boss who is the father of your baby.

✘ cw. angst, toxic situations

✘ note. yes, feel free to scream at me in the asks. but like don’t worry, i promise there’s more to come and there’s more to happen! it’s going to get fluffier as we go hehehehe. ALSO, I can’t help but feel that Zayn’s “Let Me” speaks perfectly to CEO playboy Gojo. hmph.

one ✘ two ✘ three

One glance at the tall man beside you, and you would’ve thought he would pass out soon.

Satoru had been endlessly fidgety hours before the appointment. Flicking from music stations to another, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel or sighing at the sight of you calmly watching the city go by in a flash – it was clear he was restless. Judging from the dark circles he tried to conceal under a pair of shades, he probably hadn’t slept much last night as well.

Now that you were both inside the clinical room, with you laying back down on the reclined bed, belly exposed and all for him to marvel at, his knee hadn’t stopped bouncing. “Satoru, calm down. It’s just a doctor’s appointment.”

“Sorry,” he apologized sheepishly, rubbing his sweaty palms on his pants. “I’m just…excited yet nervous, you know? It feels so real now.”

Real didn’t begin to cover it. Although you masked your nervous quite well, you felt your stomach tighten when a woman came in. Her smile was gentle and comforting enough, talking you both through the process and spilling little fun facts about pregnancy. She applied a cool gel over your belly before turning to a screen, where mixed dots and waves of black and white blurred in front of your visions. Your eyes widened in awe, throat dry from the inability to speak. The baby had always felt real, but seeing it with your own two eyes, a small figure barely even a comprehensible shape in the screen, you couldn’t help but tear up a little.

“That’s mine?” Satoru breathed out, absentmindedly looping his hands through yours. It made you stiffen for a quick second, but your attention was quickly pulled back to the sonogram. “We made that?”

Your heart clenched at his words.

He sounded so happy – like all his dreams came true and you’d just given him a gift that was beyond priceless. You supposed it really was; a baby was always a miracle and joy to have, but this child wasn’t made out of love. How could he have so much fondness for something he didn’t want in the first place?

“The baby is perfectly healthy. This pregnancy doesn’t seem like a high-risk one, but it’s too early to tell so we’ll keep checking in on you,” the doctor pushed her glasses back to her nose, the sound of her cool voice pulling you back from a dangerous path of self-doubt and wariness. “Do you guys want to know the gender?”

Glancing at Satoru, you shook your head. It was amusing that you didn’t need to share words before he got the meaning behind one look, and he squeezed your hand as if to say he understood.

“I’d like that to be more of a surprise. Thank you, doctor.”

“Congratulations on being a father, Sir,” she bowed, and it occurred to you just now she was probably a family doctor. Satoru did end up keeping his promise that your pregnancy be kept private for a while. This little detail made you turn to him with shock written all over your face, though his attention was centred in on the swirling monochrome colours on the screen. Whether the doctor noticed the brewing tension between you two or not, you were still gad when they bowed once more to excuse themselves. “I’ll leave you two to talk now.”

The moment she was gone, you sat up and pushed your blouse down. Satoru’s demeanour had changed as well. His smile was wiped from his face, replaced only by a slight downturn of his lips.

Sighing, you swung your legs over the bed, not minding one bit that he was inches away from resting his chin onto your thighs. “Is there something you’re not telling me? You’ve been so worried since we got here.”

Satoru winced.

“Am I that obvious?”

“Even if you aren’t, it’s not that hard to see through you,” you spoke gently, a spirit possessing you because there would’ve been no other logical reason on why you placed a palm over his. Satoru’s hands were warm and large as he cupped your knee, tracing little patterns over your jeans as he kept his gaze lowered to the floor. It was an odd sight to see; that the Gojo Satoru refused to look a woman in the eye. “Tell me. What’s wrong?”

Satoru’s sigh is painfully drawn out, though his chuckles took the brunt.

“I don’t know what to do – how to be a father, I mean. Don’t you ever get worried…that maybe we might fuck up and ruin someone’s life?”

“Hey,” you cupped his cheek, forcing him to look you in the eyes – which you really wished he didn’t, because you’d never seen such azure this up close before. It was no secret that his eyes alone stole the hearts of people, but you had to remind yourself he broke them as well, so that you pulled away right before he got too close for comfort. It wasn’t what he needed anyway. Satoru simply required reassurance, so you opted for an awkward pat on the shoulder. “Weren’t you the one telling me the other day we’ll work it out?”

“Yeah, but…”

“But what?”

“It’s nothing,” he shook his head, a smile lighting up his features once more. “Are you feeling good? There’s someplace I want to take you, as a celebration for our healthy baby.”

You pursed your lips. As much as you appreciated his enthusiasm, this ‘celebration’ didn’t sound like a good idea. You’ve made mistakes before and now you lived the consequence of it; being reckless was outdated. Caution, wariness, and space were the top three perfect recipes for the complete opposite of a disaster.

“I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“Why not?” he challenged, taking your hand in his as he guided you out the clinic. You made no comment on why he led you out the back where he’d parked his car, even going as far to bow for you as he opened your door. “Liven up a little, we got good news today! Plus, we didn’t both take a day for nothing. Come on, you’re going to have fun, I promise you!”

“And where would we go where people won’t recognize you?”

“Somewhere people are too lost in their own world to focus on others,” Satoru announced before sending you a side glance, smooth hands already on their way to rev the engine.

This wouldn’t go down well. Or at least that was what you wanted to believe, because his smile and excitement were too contagious that you couldn’t restrain the smile you wore.

“A carnival? Really? We’re too old for this.”

“We’re never too old for anything,” he insisted, placing his hands on your shoulders as he maneuvered from stall to stall. Everywhere around you, children and people of all ages milled by, laughter and screams that fading into the distance. One survey at the long, endless lines for the rides and crowded spaces, you grimaced, feeling an uncomfortable weight resting on your shoulders that was beyond Satoru’s hands. “Aw, come on, don’t be such a bore. Day offs like these are rare and think about the baby! Don’t you think they would’ve wanted us to get a long?”

“You’re just using the baby as an excuse to have fun.”

Of course he would – Gojo Satoru was like a man-child. Whether it was someone randomly bringing donuts or puppies into the office, he easily lit up like a firework, seemingly finding joy in every little thing. Being stuck in the office and forced to work his ass off under your supervision must’ve taken a toll on him too.

Add on the fact he hadn’t gone out on dates or parties ever since he found out he was going to be a dad, the desperation to go out and do something was written all over his face.

Satoru pouted. “That’s mean. Take that back.”

“No.”

“And I’m the childish one here?” he snickered. You merely rolled your eyes at him and gave in; too much time spent working and not enough time relaxing (not that being a carnival was your definition or relaxation, but alas, Satoru was dragging you around everywhere like always) wouldn’t be good for the baby.

“You see that bear over there? I’m going to win that for you. It could be my first ever present for our baby.”

There was no stopping him. You didn’t want to, either, because you just stood there, arms crossed against your chest as you let him do whatever he pleased. A literal man-child, a youthful soul stuck in an irritatingly attractive man’s body – these were the thoughts that ran through your head while Satoru kept swinging his arm back and forth. He chose a stall where you had to knock down stacks of cans down with one set of three balls, all because he wanted to win a bear. You would really rather go home than watch him fail four times now, but he wasn’t giving up, only flexing his shoulders before gesturing to the young man.

“Hey man, three more balls please.”

Nothing was funny about it at all. Watching your boss fail miserably even after ten tries shouldn’t have been so hilarious, yet sweat was dripping all over his face and his patience was hanging on a loose thread that you were giggling before you knew it.

His usual confident bravado began to tear down bit by bit, his face flushed from the sounds of your teasing.

“Satoru, stop,” you laughed, “We’ve been here for twenty minutes and your wallet might as well be empty! You can just go buy a bear at the mall.”

“You’re too functional. Where would be the meaning behind it if I just bought a random bear?” he huffed, pushing the sleeves of his denim jacket up to his elbows. Determined now more than ever, he even stretched his long arms side to the side with a shake of his hips. You could tell the young man manning the stall was hiding his amusement by whistling to himself, but Satoru really was such a ridiculous sight you couldn’t blame him. “No, I’m going to get that for you, then I’ll brag to my baby how cool their dad was when he knocked those cans down.”

“You mean, if you knock those cans down.”

His shoulders deflated. “Support me a little bit, will you?”

“Hmm, I don’t know, it might just inflate your ego and you’ll be too distracted by yourself to ever actually knock those cans down,” He threw a ball with a force so strong it hit the curtain above the cans, and it bounced back somewhere below the tables. It didn’t even touch the can by a smidge, and you snorted. “See what I mean?”

Expecting that Satoru would take insult to heart (as his ego was easily wounded, this much you knew when he refused to talk to anyone at the office for a whole day because one of his directors forgot his name) you smirked at him, but that smirk immediately dropped when he grinned back at you. He was no longer wimpy like before, an aura of confidence brimming from him. “That’s like the second time you’ve told me I was distracting,” he mused, leaving you baffled because he was right. “On the contrary, I think you’rea lot more distracting, so I take that back. Just stand there and watch me win.”

“Okay,” you drawled out in faux disinterest, thankful for the corny carnival music and chatter from the crowd that he couldn’t hear your poor beating heart.

You were too focused on pretending to be unbothered by him that you failed to see how the cans were knocked down. The counter guy was already picking them up as Satoru pumped his fists in the air, way too much like a child high on sugar.

Was this really the father of your baby?

“I won! I fucking won! That huge brown bear, please!”Satoru’s smile from holding the bear that was half his size couldn’t even compare to the city lights and sparklers. Even his eyes were lit up in joy as he skipped back to you, happily waving the doe-eyed bear in front of you. At your lack of reaction, he sighed before jutting his cheek out to you. “No congratulations kiss?”

“How about a slap?”

“Kinky,” he teased, sending your brain to overheat when he tapped his chin in thought. “Well, you did make my back bleed so I kind of got the idea you’re sort of extreme in bed – ow! Would you please stop hitting me? I just won you a wonderful prize and your first reaction is to hit me! This arm is exhausted from swinging endlessly, you know.”

“Maybe if you aimed better, you wouldn’t have had to exhaust yourself. Like I said, you could’ve just bought a bear,” you scolded, raising your arm threateningly when he opened his mouth again. Idiot. “Give me that.”

Satoru effortlessly swung the bear until it was under your chins, his white lashes ethereal as he peeked at you through them. He was close enough that you could feel the warmth of his breath dusting on your cheeks, that same warmth that had been mixing with yours in a sloppy, heated kiss just weeks ago. “And who said I was letting you carry this?” he taunted, thoroughly enjoying how for once, you weren’t hitting him.“I’m supposed to wave this around proudly then place it in our baby’s room when we get home. Besides, your hand looks heavy already.”

“My hands? Wait, what do you mean our baby’s room?”

At your words and questioning gaze, Satoru did a quick turn, trying to use the bear as a shield.

“Yeah, I forgot to tell you,” he scratched the back of his head awkwardly, “I may or may not have had my parents’ guest room renovated as a baby room, although if you ask me, I think moving somewhere else would be much better. Raising a child in a penthouse doesn’t seem like such a great idea if you ask me,” opening your mouth to scold him, Satoru stopped you by placing a finger on your lips, noses grazing against each other. “Don’t scold me right now; I know that look on your face and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, okay? We can still decorate it ourselves. I just had the beds removed and the space cleaned out. Now stop over thinking and let me help you with your problem.”

You pushed his face away for the sake of your heart. In fact, you should be paid for your acting skills for looking so unaffected.

“What problem?”

“Your hands look heavy,” he beamed, long fingers looping through yours as he swayed them side to side. “So let me carry it for you.”

“Satoru, I—”

“Don’t get me wrong,” he blinked innocently while surrendering his free hand, “I’m not doing this for you, it’s for the baby. Did you know oxytocin is released and makes you feel good and reduces pain, maybe even stress? We can pump your oxytocin levels through touch. It also lowers your blood pressure, and we want you at your happiest and healthiest for this pregnancy, right?”

“Since when were you an expert on this?”

“Since I found out I’m becoming a dad,” his words struck you speechless, mouth pressed into a flat line as you stared him openly. You hadn’t mean to come off as rude in that moment; you were just trying to gauge the sincerity behind his words, to explore the depth in his eyes, but Satoru must’ve took it wrong as he cleared his throat, “I can let go if you really want me to.”

“N-no! It’s fine…can we move? We’ve been standing here for ten minutes now,” Embarrassed, you pointed to the closest thing in your sight – a photo booth. “How about there? That looks fun.”

Satoru followed where your arm was pointed, laughing when a couple exited the red curtains while giggling amongst themselves. The guy even leaned down to steal a long kiss from his lover, and if you were embarrassed before, you wanted to crawl into a hole and never come back again right now. “You know, if you wanted me to be stuck in a cramped space next to you, you could’ve just said so. I didn’t bring the limo with me, but the Audi could be pretty small for us, I guess…”

You hissed at him in warning, “God, you never shut up do you?”

“It made you smile.”

“I wasn’t smiling!”

“Sure, mommy, whatever you say,” bumping his hip with yours, Satoru led you inside the cube. There were a plethora of filters to choose from; ranging from heart frames and ones that placed shades on your face. Not really thinking of what to pick, you reached out to press the frog hats one, but Satoru was swatting your hands away for the effect with heart emojis everywhere. “This is cute. We can show this to our baby once they’re born.”

“They won’t really know what a Polaroid is, Satoru.”

“It’s still sentimental!” he grumbled before clicking the camera icon, a huge smile already on his face until he saw you squished on the other side of the booth. Only one side of your ear could be seen, and Satoru furrowed his brows at you. “Come closer, you’ll be cropped from the frame.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Jesus, Y/N, don’t act shy now, I already fucked a baby into you,” mouth falling open at the vulgarity of his words, Satoru took the chance to drag you beside him. “Relax, you’re always so stiff. Our baby might come out frowning if you keep huffing like that.”

“You’re too close for comfort.”

“My apologies, I’ll try not to be included in the photo when you’re the one who suggested this in the first place,” he muttered playfully, booping your nose before he wrapped an arm around your shoulder. He was close, too close, that his musky perfume filled the close space. You wanted to lean closer to his warmth and sturdiness of his broad shoulders; his mere presence bringing about a sense of tranquillity despite your words. You told yourself it shouldn’t be too bad to lean into him for just a little while, absentmindedly following him as he cheers, “Smile!”

One photo turned into two, and Satoru ended up inserting a few more bills into the slot to take more. He tried out as many filters as he wanted, acting as if you two had been long time friends from how easy it was for him to be around you like that.

You supposed it came from his heavy experience with women. You were so unlike; while he was open to touch and didn’t care too much about space, you craved it deliriously.

It was obvious none of this meant anything to Satoru. You were probably just another woman in his life, with the exception that you had a kid, but you couldn’t mean something more. If anything, he treated you more like an old friend than a lover. He’d said it himself before that you weren’t his type and you didn’t mind, so why did it hurt the longer you mulled about it? Sure, you may not be as attractive or luxurious as his previous lovers, but did you really not even have charismatic pull? Is it because you weren’t his type that he was so casual with you, while you on the other hand, felt like you would lose your mind at every little thing he did?

You watched as Satoru pulled out his wallet and kept the Polaroid of you both grinning at the camera, forming a silly heart shape with your hands per his request. It was silly and platonic – yet the gesture confused you to no end.

“Why’d you do that?”

Satoru’s hand paused. “Am I not allowed to…?”

“We’re not lovers. You can’t just put a photo of us in your wallet.”

As if to prove a point, Satoru pulled out more photos of his wallet and showed it to you. There were several more wallet-sized photos, mostly of his white cat with black shades, another of him and his best friend, Shoko, and the last photo was of him skiing. They were all placed in his wallet along with a small, faded out photograph of what seemed to be his parents from the younger days. You couldn’t understand why he was showing you this, much less how patient he was as he smiled softly at you. “It’s memorabilia. I keep photos of everyone I care about everywhere with me,” he said, pocketing his wallet back before gazing up at the night sky. “I like to think we’re friends, at least. We’re definitely not just boss and employee anymore.”

Then what are we?

There were so many things you wanted to ask. You always knew he was always this overly friendly and nice, but what did make you? What did a friend mean to him? Other than Shoko, who was his lesbian friend who was also the company’s resident doctor, you’d never seen him be platonic with another female before.

The realization made your mood drop.

Maybe you were right. He probably didn’t even see you as a woman, but what did it matter? You didn’t like him. You shouldn’tlike him. Even if he had no intentions of wooing you, Gojo Satoru was far too appealing for his own good. Being around him was dangerous for your heart.

“Wanna ride the ferris wheel? The night city always looks beautiful.”

He was just your boss...and you were just a friend. Things were going to be alright as long as no feelings were involved. You survived seven years of working with him with not a single moment where your heart fluttered when he spoke your name; a baby made between you shouldn’t change anything now. At the end of the day, you were both only doing this out of responsibility. Satoru was trying his best to become a supportive co-parent to you, and that was all it ever would be. Strictly business – purely professional – as it always had been and always will be.

Foolish girl, you could hear a voice whisper at the back of your head, don’t get too lost in his eyes.

“Y/N, are you tired? Do you want to go home now? We can just order dinner to be delivered if you’re exhausted,” Satoru tugged at your sleeve to get your attention, and you chuckled awkwardly, not meaning to have spaced out the whole time. Worry was written all over his face from the way his brows dipped, stunning blue eyes darkening like the night sky you both made memories under.

Don’t look at me like that...

“Are you okay? Do you wanna go home?”

“Yeah,” you chirped far too brightly than you would’ve liked. Right now, it was more of a mission of fake it til you make it. You would just have to keep exerting the same amount of effort into making this work for the baby’s sake. And if that meant pushing aside any budding desire for this to last any longer to focus on your ‘friendship’, then you would do it. Taking Satoru’s hand for the first time since the baby ordeal, you flashed him a genuine smile. “The ferris wheel sounds nice. Let’s do some sightseeing before the night ends.”

Neither of you speak inside the cab. Beautiful the night was as the city shone into awakening illumination beneath you, comforting you with the thought that in the grand scheme of it all, you were small. Insignificant. That somehow everything you worried about wouldn’t matter when there was a much bigger world out there, and you were but a fickle dot in the middle of its entirety. But that was you, and Gojo lived in a much different world than you did. For somewhere in the city, you could recognize several of the sky towers, buildings, and establishments owned by his family. He mattered in the grand scheme; you were a small factor in his world.

Glancing back at the man who’d been silent the whole ride, you smiled upon seeing that he was doing the same. Satoru was practically bouncing in his seat as he snapped several photos of the city, mumbling something about he’d never seen this view before.

He was so innocent yet so out there, igniting within you an urge to take care of him and wanting to be taken care of by him.

You’d already accepted that you may just never have him that way. That small, fleeting crush was like a butterfly – pretty look at, but damn near impossible to catch. You’d already stopped crying yourself to sleep over the new changes brought about in your body, that in a few months’ time, you’d look back into everything and see that everything had changed. The mistakes you made that night were still something you regretted because you wished you could’ve done better, but seeing him right in front of you now, there was only gratefulness blooming within. Grateful that he was right by your side, grateful that at least the father of your child was more than capable of giving them a comfortable life, grateful that he didn’t push you away like you expected.

Acting more on impulse than logic, you leaned over to press your lips on his cheek.“Thank you,” you mumbled, eyes closed as you let your lips stay there for a few more seconds.

His skin was warm underneath your touch, and when you opened your eyes, Satoru was gazing up at you with stars twinkling in the vast galaxy he called his eyes. You smiled at his reaction, watching as he reached a palm out to caress that spot your lips had landed.“For what?”

“For everything,” you crumbled,“You’re not a bad person, Satoru, I know that,” with shuddered breaths, tears sprung at the back of your eyes again. “I’m sorry for being so difficult. I just need time to adjust to…well, all of this.” Your voice cracked at the last sentence and you were crying before you knew it, face hidden behind your palms in fear he’d look at you differently. In his eyes, you were always his stoic secretary who didn’t even bat an eye when people gave you backlash after Satoru hired you despite the lack of a college degree.

This all felt new – to cry, to trust, to rely on someone – and there was a flurry of emotions you couldn’t quite place yet.

Scooping you into his arms, Satoru patted your back as your cries grew louder. “Take all the time you need. We don’t have to rush into anything at all.”

In the harsh world of conglomerates where the laws of business blurred thinner and thinner with each day, it was hard to believe that not rushing into anything would be possible. It was always a flurry of hurried phone calls, frantic preparations for emergency meetings, anxiety over presenting new proposals and hoping that your superiors would sign your documents so you could go about your way. Time was as imperative as money was to them, but Satoru had proved he could be beyond that.

From the moment you met him, he never treated time as if it was something that slipped through his fingertips. He enjoyed every second he had of his life, and perhaps that was why you hated him so much in the first place.

You thought he took everything for granted, when in reality, all he did was bask in the little things life offered.

This much, at least, you trusted him with. If he said there would be no need to rush and you could both take it slow, he meant it. Around him, time felt more like a secret whisper than a treasure you both had to seize to protect. The night drifted off until it was already midnight and the crew was ushering all visitors out. You and Satoru made it home safely and quietly, hands linked together as if it was the most natural thing ever. No rush, you kept telling yourself, and you plopped down on the couch heavily as you let your muscles relax from such a long, eventful day.

You stayed there for a solid minute or so when you felt warm hands take your heels off. Opening your eyes, Satoru kneeled before you, his fingers expertly rubbing and pushing against the sore muscles of your feet. “Wh-what are you doing?”

“Your feet must be tired from all that walking,” he mumbled, looking up briefly to meet your eyes and tease your shoulder back. “Lean back for me. I’ll take care of you.”

Judging by the sentiment behind his smile, you figured it wouldn’t be harmful to enjoy this at least once. You’ve never gotten foot massages before but his hands kneading yours felt heavenly. You knew from experience beforehand that Satoru was quite godly when it came to the skills and magic his fingers brought, though this one was on a different level, and you were sinking deeper into the couch from the bliss. He was right; you were tired, and if having your boss massage you like this every night after dragging you wherever he pleased, then you wouldn’t complain.

The ringing of your phone made you sit up abruptly, surprising Satoru whose head you almost knocked into. “Sorry,” you croaked out sheepishly, “It’s my dad. I need to take this.”

“Do you need me to leave you alone?”

“Uh, no, you’re fine.”

Satoru gestured to your foot as you took the call, mouthing, “Should I continue?”

“Yes, please,” you answered back, palm pressed over the mic before you answered. “Hey, Dad!” Your father greeted you back with much enthusiasm, his energy heard even by Satoru who sent you small smiles and curious glances every now and then. A part of you wanted to ask if he was fine kneeling on the floor like that, but his knees were on the fur carpet anyway that it shouldn’t hurt him. He extended your leg and trailed up your calves, pulling a soft moan from you when he kneaded the flesh and rid it of its knots. His ministrations distracted you until you were nodding absentmindedly to your Dad every now and then, not really paying attention to what he was saying.

Then the call ended, and his last words kept ringing back into your head ominously. Satoru took quick notice of this as he tapped your knee, bringing your attention back to him. “Is something wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I...” you started, helplessly fumbling around Satoru. “My dad is in Tokyo. He said he wants to have dinner with me.”

“You don’t look particularly happy about that. Do you not want to meet your father?”

“I do but...”

“But?”

“I have to tell him about this,” you shivered, refracting your legs back to the couch until his touch disappeared from your skin. For a moment, you had the urge to crawl back to his heat, but you were restless, agitated. “About us. He’s going to want to meet you and I don’t want to hide the pregnancy from him either,” Satoru remained unmoving as you rambled, and you hid your face behind your arms again as you remembered the rules you asked him to follow. “Listen, I’m sorry if I sound unfair right now, I know I said I didn’t want anyone else knowing—”

Warm lips brushed over your knuckles, large hands peeling your wrists to reveal your face. “Hey, it’s fine. He’s family and you can tell him. It’s not like your Dad would ruin your image or something like you expected to happen.”

“He won’t but...” you frowned, “My dad isn’t going to like this. I can’t guarantee he’ll be civil the whole time, especially towards you.”

“You told him about me?”

“A few years ago, yeah, when I still couldn’t tolerate you.”

“So you can tolerate me now?”

“Only a little bit,” you corrected, pushing his hands away as you opened your phone to check your schedule. It was mostly Satoru’s schedule, truth be told, but you were free for the most part tomorrow. Satoru could just longue back in his office while you clocked out early to meet your dad. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. On second thought, he doesn’t have to know at all. I’m only a few weeks in and it’s not like he’ll notice—”

“Y/N,” Satoru interrupted you, rudely snatching his phone from your shaking fingers. You would’ve scolded him had he not sounded so worried. “I did promise I would take responsibility for you, right? I want to meet your dad and introduce myself properly. As a father-to-be, I think I can somewhat understand that he might react strongly to this, but I also need to reassure him you’re in safe hands,” taking your hand in his, Satoru leaned into your palm, the smile he wore way too charming than what your heart could handle. “As long as you’re okay with it, I would like to meet him.”

“I’m sorry if he does something stupid.”

“Don’t be,” he reassured with a chuckle. “I’m sure everything will go well.”

It didn’t go well. Your father wasn’t throwing a fit or causing a scene like you originally feared, but the current situation wasn’t any better either. He looked like he was on the verge of tearing Satoru’s head apart, his grip on the bread knife so tight his knuckles flashed white. Your father was the literal definition of unpredictable and out of nervousness, you held Satoru’s hand under the table for comfort.

In complete opposition of yours, Satoru handled it with class and composure. His head was ducked down in respect, making sure to be curt and precise in counters to your father’s harsh accusations.

“I’m really sorry for everything, Sir.”

“Did you ruin my daughter’s life?”

Satoru finally tilted his head back up to look your father in the eye, both your hands turning cold and sweaty in between the seats. “Pardon?”

“I asked if you ruined my daughter’s life by getting her pregnant.”

“I would never intend for that to happen, Sir,” Satoru straightened up. From your perspective, he looked every bit the man parents would want their children to be with – handsome, elegant, educated, polite, respectful and well-off – but your father was no ordinary parent. He sized Satoru up like a predator hunting his prey even as the latter acted cool about it. “Granted, it was an accident and neither of us are prepared for this, but I promise I’ll take care of her. I take responsibility as the father and you have nothing to worry about.”

Your dad slammed his palms down on the table, the loud smack catching the attention of nearby tables. “How dare you tell me I have nothing to worry about?”

“Dad, please don’t do this.”

“No, he needs to know,” he snapped. Unable to help it, you groaned inwardly and scooted closer to Satoru, knowing where this was leading. “I lost her mother right after she was born; raised her by myself when I was barely out from high school. Rich men like you may never understand the struggles of taking care of a baby all by yourself, but I did everything I could to make sure she grew up well. My daughter had a happy, comfortable life. When she told me she wanted to follow her dreams in Tokyo, I supported her, and then you go take everything away from her because you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself? You dare defile her like that?”

“Dad!” you roared, clutching Satoru’s hand who’d gone limp. “It was equally my responsibility as it is his! I wanted this; we both got carried away but we’re doing our best, so please stop being difficult to us.”

“You wanted this?” he laughed dryly, “A child with this man you kept moaning to me about; the same man who went to clubs every night while he left you all by yourself to work, to clean up his mess from him? You wanted him?”

“Dad,” you gritted your teeth, nails sinking down onto your thigh. Satoru remained silent between you both, although you could feel his burning gaze penetrating through the back of your skull. “It’s both our mistake. But this child...we don’t see it as that. We like to view it as a blessing. It may be true we harbour no affection for one another, but we want to be good parents. That’s all you need to know and I find no reason to explain myself to you. If you have nothing else to say, you can go back home. I’ll pay for your ride,” slamming down a few bills his way, you glared at your father, who shrunk back at the anger radiating off of you. “You’re not welcome here, Dad. Just go back home.”

“I’m just worried for you.”

“You don’t have to. I’m not a little kid anymore.”

“I never said you were,” he sighed, rubbing the sides of his temples. “But he just took all your opportunities away from you! What about your dreams? What about your plan of having your own career once you have enough experience? What about—”

“Are you implying that because I’m pregnant, suddenly I’m not qualified to fulfil my goals?”

“Sir,” Satoru cut you off, releasing your hands as he leaned forwards on the table, becoming more and more like the CEO he was trained to be – all authority and gentle command that won the hearts of multiple investors. “I assure you that I won’t be holding your daughter back from the things she wants to achieve. As her co-parent, I’m perfectly capable of supporting her in the dreams she wishes to achieve. I’ve worked with her for years; I know she can reach for the stars if she wanted.”

Your mind blanked.

“Young man, don’t talk to me as if you know my daughter better than I do,” your father scorned, “I’m not questioning your capability to support her, but what about your credibility? How can you assure me you’ll really be there for her? How can you assure me you won’t leave my daughter stranded in the middle of nowhere? How can you assure me you can protect her from the harsh criticism of society? Money can’t provide nor does it solve anything,” your father copied his gesture by leaning forward, but it was to poke Satoru’s chest. “From what I’ve heard about you, I suppose you understand perfectly well why I don’t trust you.”

“Sir, I do plan on marrying your daughter and to give her the life she deserves,” Satoru confessed, effectively stealing from you the ability to speak as he glimpsed your way. “If she lets me.”

“You’ll marry her? Be faithful to her as your wife and have a family? Are you sure you can do that?”

“Yes, Sir, I’m highly confident I can. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Then that’s all I need to know,” your father leaned back in your seat, arms crossed against his chest and a stern expression on his face. “And if I find out you hurt or make my daughter cry in any way, I’ll beat up that pretty face of yours. I have two more sons that’re willing to do the same, if you don’t watch your actions.”

Satoru beamed at your father’s ‘approval.’ “I’ll face any consequence if I fall short on my duties, Sir, but I assure you, it will never have come to that.”

“So we’ve come to an agreement?”

The two men linked and shook hands across the table, completely disregarding the fact you were right beside him. You were beyond appalled, but mostly hurt that you’d been reduced to this way. And they were unaware of it, too, sickening and satisfied yet tense smiles were masked on their faces as they decided your future.

You stood up and left the restaurant.

You kept walking as fast as you could in the cold night, hands shoved into the coat of your pockets. Thousands of pin needles pricked at your heart and your skin the more you replayed the memory in your head. How stupid were you to think that Satoru would be different? And marriage? Was he serious? It all made you sick to the core to the point you wanted to throw up and disappear, until a heavy set of footsteps echoed behind you and tugged your wrist.

“Y/N, wait!” Satoru panted, hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. “What’s wrong with you? You just up and left—”

“Seriously, Satoru, you’re asking me that?” your face fell flat at his cluelessness, “What’s wrong with you? You men are sickening; planning my entire future like that right in front of me as if I don’t have a say in what I want. None of you asked if I’m okay with this. You really went ahead deciding we’ll get married when I told you already, I don’t want to marry you and I never will!”

Satoru brushed a hand over his hair, a hand on his hip. You could tell his patience was being tested – after being verbally harassed by your father and now with you pushing back in the same heat, it was only a matter of time before he lost his cool. Surprisingly enough, however, his voice remained levelled as he sighed. “What did you expect me to do back there? Tell your father that we’re just going to be roommates and raise a child together as if we’re not already family?” he defended, words slow and pronounced with a hint of hurt behind them. “I respect you and I truly do want to be with you, that’s why I wanted us to get married.”

“You respect me?” you laughed incredulously, “Are you hearing yourself right now? No person respects another by deciding what happens to my life without my consent!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask, okay? I apologize for it and I acknowledge my mistake that I didn’t give you much of a choice. Me being cornered and pressured isn’t a good excuse, but I wasn’t lying when I said I want to take care of you and—”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why do you want to be with me?” you demanded, “Why do you want to take care of me so badly? How did you even take this so well? You weren’t even that angry when I told you I was pregnant.”

Satoru paled. “Was I supposed to be? Should I have pushed you away and kicked you out my life? Is that what you wanted me to do, or is that what you expected from me, considering you’ve made it extremely clear I’m nothing but your airheaded boss and a man who always wants his dick wet, right?” the sting of his words pricked you both – you with your guilt, and him with his pride crushed. But he didn’t let on, didn’t waver and didn’t match your anger as his chest shook with impatience. “I’m trying to be good to you; I want to be good for you and the baby because despite what you think of me, I’m not the devil the tabloids make me out to be. I sleep around, yeah, but I wouldn’t go so far to turn someone away especially when I know I’m supposed to be there.”

“Satoru, if you’re only doing this out of obligation, you can be a good father without marrying me. Marriage is not a requirement; I don’t care what people say that I got pregnant without getting married. That’s the least of my concern, I just want the baby to grow up healthy but I don’t want to be involved with you.”

With how stunned Satoru looked, one would’ve thought you slapped him right in the face. That mere sight of seeing your boss tear his walls down in front of you almost made you feel bad, but you had to be strong.

You had to be firm with what you stood for.

“I really don’t want to be with you, Satoru. I’m so sorry.”

“What do you want me to do?” his voice cracked, begging and pleading as he stood before you, looking every bit of a man lost in uncharted territory. “I don’t know what you want me to do, Y/N. One moment, you’re telling me you want me to be a good father, and then the next you’re pushing me away. People are so sure that I’m a man who can never settle down because they believe I have commitment issues, but I’m telling you I can commit to you right now,” he held your hand, rubbing some of his warmth at your comparably cold ones. You didn’t fail to notice that he was trembling, but what about what you couldn’t decipher. “Are you really sure I’m the one here who isn’t capable of that? What are you so scared of that you can’t trust me?”

“Because you’re you! Because you’re a fucking asshole who’s been treating me like I’m an overworking machine and always expects me to undo your shit for you! Because you make me sick and I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t know what love means!” Exploded. You exploded. “I regret everything that happened between us that night. No, in fact, I regret ever meeting you at all.”

Satoru took a step back.

All the light and joy that fit so perfectly with him had now disappeared.

“I’m sorry,” he demurred, “I’m sorry that I’d been so repulsive that you’ve felt miserable for all this time. I’m sorry I haven’t been a decent boss and I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you.”

“Gojo, stop. Stop doing that; stop apologizing!”

“Then tell me what you want me to do,” he barked desperately. “Because I can’t read your mind and I just want to be good for you.”

“What if I don’t want you to? I don’t want you to be good to me, I don’t want you to care about me. Be there for the baby, but don’t involve yourself too much in my personal life. Stop asking me to marry you because you and I would never work out. We’re impossible, okay?”

“How do you know we’ll never work out when we haven’t even tried?” he pushed, “You never even gave me a chance.”

“You’re not worth that chance.”

If someone could receive an award for effortlessly trampling over someone repeatedly, you would’ve been crowned winner a long time ago. You had no idea what came over you as you spat all those hurtful words to Satoru, but did your words bear no truth? The fact that he no longer defended himself meant he also knew that he wasn’t worth it – that he wasn’t someone to be trusted. It wasn’t that you were completely unfair too; of course you considered it. Weeks of living under the same roof as him and you most definitely considered it. Say you did get married and became a real family – what then? It wasn’t a marriage out of love, but rather out of responsibility and obligation.

As much as you loved your child, you couldn’t imagine throwing away your future and living miserable for the rest of your life like that.

A life built on lies wasn’t a life worth living.

“I would never hurt you.”

Your heart cracked. After everything you said, after all your efforts to keep him away from your own safety, after all the hurtful things you’ve done to him, and he was still apologizing? Why did he have to make it so hard to let go? You were tired, so tired that you could no longer refrain your lip from quivering as tears caked your face.

“Gojo, please, don’t—”

“So if me stepping away from your life is what would really make you happy, then I’ll respect it. But there’s one thing I have to ask,” Satoru swiped a thumb under your eye to catch the tear. His smile was forlorn, his touch cold and words melancholic. “Do you want the baby? Do you...want to keep the baby and be a mother? You don’t have to do anything for me, I just want to know if the mother of my child even wants to be one. And please be honest, because everything you say right now are words that I’ll mark seriously.”

The word left your mouth before you could stop it.

“No.”

“No what?”

“I don’t want to be a mother,” you admitted, hands trailing over your belly. It felt like you were betraying your own child, but you hadn’t planned this. “I’m too young, Satoru, I-I’m not ready for this. With you there beside me or not, I really don’t want this.”

“Then,” he cleared his throat, turning his head to the side to catch a moment. You swore you saw his eyes shine under the city lights with tears, but it was gone so soon that you might’ve just fooled yourself with it. Once he deemed himself ready to talk, Satoru took a deep breath. “Do I have your consent that once the baby is born...it’ll be under my care? Would you prefer to reach your own dreams, then? You’ll never have to be a part of the Gojo family if it’s really not what you want, even though I could support you as much as you need me to.”

Your eyes widened at his proposition. “You’ll take care of our baby?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Can I...can I visit them, at least, once in a while?” It was more than just your heart that broke that night. There was no telling whether you’d hurt yourself in the long run with this decision. It was no easy choice to make – to actively pursue your dreams somewhere else more than being a mother. You wanted to do your best, of course you did, but it wasn’t that easy. Gojo didn’t have to tell you for you to understand that once you married him, you’d be expected to run the business with him and be involved in his family and their dramas. Now that wasn’t a life you wanted.

“You’re free to visit them whenever,” he promised, voice fading even lower into the background. “So is this it? We’ll just be living under the same roof until the baby is born and once they’re here...”

“We’ll part ways.”

“We’ll part ways,” he nodded in agreement, sniffling for a brief second before fixing his tie. The Gojo Satoru you got to know for a few weeks had now disappeared. Not even the goofy boss you spent seven years with could be found in the coldness of his eyes, almost as if he’d put up such impenetrable walls around him and nothing could pass through. The sudden shift in aura made your heart clench as he offered his hand to shake. “Okay. Let’s stay professional until then?”

“Yeah, Sir, I can do that,” your hands shook as you enclosed it around his, but now all the warmth had disappeared – from his eyes, his touch, his soul. It hurt, but this was necessary. It was what felt right. “Thank you – for everything.”

“You’re welcome. Anything for you and the baby,” Satoru proclaimed, perplexing you both when he suddenly pulled you in his arms. Just like that, the dam broke, and you were staining his precious suit before you could stop it. His arms rubbed up and down your back the longer he held you there, almost like a final moment to lean on one another before you had to say goodbye eventually. Beneath your palm, his heart beat exuberantly loud, so much so that you might’ve heard the prayers it whispered. “Stop crying now. The baby might feel sad too. We’ll both be alright – we just have to get through this.”

taglist OPEN: @sixeyesgojo @bongofrito @7tsumurai @aphnyoturkey @stuckindreamland06 @dogsarenyspiritanimal @thebeardedmoon @lildreamer93 @pizzaspirits @q-the-rockaholic @rogueofbullshit @ladywaifuuwrites @flochsgirl @hamsa-mage @sonic-and-songs @vsvwi @misslovingpearl | bolded users can’t be tagged

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conretewings · 3 years

Text

STORY MASTER LIST AND REQUEST STATUS/TERMS 📖 👀

Request Status: Closed :(

The rest of my rules are listed below, but some of the requests I've received demonstrate people don't always read them so I'll post this one here:

⚠️If you send me a request and I fulfill it, please please reblog.

I generally spend hours, days, or more on your requests and it's increasingly disheartening to see the lack of engagement from readers.

ORIGINAL FULL STORY LIST:

"Just a Taste" (Vander x OC) (mildly spicy 🌶)

"See Me After Work" (Vander x fem reader) (explicit nsfw 🌶🌶🌶)

"Bartenders Don't Dance" (Vander x gender neutral reader)

"Let the Sun In" (shenanigans involving mostly the kids but Vander is there too. Some fluff)

"Old Wounds and New Chances" (kind of Vander x OC with my oc Rosemary. Catching up after a couple years apart and misunderstandings)

"A Game for Two" (Vander x oc Rosemary. He brings a broken piece of equipment to her to fix. Lots of flirting. Mildly spicy 🌶)

"Better Left Said" (Vander x oc Rosemary. Set when they're in their twenties. A Friday night hangout with the gang turns very flirtatious. Quite spicy. Mild NSFW 🌶🌶)

"Crossed Lines" (Vander x reader. Reader is mugged by a group of robbers...then the old hound makes a return.)

"Love Song" (Vander x oc Rosemary. Teetering on the edge of friendship or more, Vander is reluctant to attend one of her concerts, but when he does he gets more than just a performance)

"Please" (Vander x OC Rosemary. In the middle of the night, she's awoken by some very interesting-and very lustful-attentions. VERY NSFW 🌶🌶🌶)

"The Paths We Cross" (young Viktor has a project and was told he could find the parts he needs at a certain repair shop. He meets my OC Rosemary and Vander briefly)

"The Spaces In Between" NOT FINISHED. Long story. (snippets of scenes 'off camera' within the first 3 episodes. Vander x OC Rosemary. Gets mildly spicy. 🌶 also CW death)

SHORT/MINI STORIES FROM ASKS:

A short SO trying to reach something high up

Reader gets their butt slapped and returns the favor

Reader is doing body shots and Vander does one off them

Vander invites reader to sit on his lap

Hot summer night cuddles

A drunk idiot tries to harass and grab the reader RIP DUDE

Reader and Vander enjoy some quality time 👀 (mildly spicy 🌶)

"Is that sexy piece of @$$ single?" (No)

Pre-canon AU where Vander actually drowned Silco and then a child shows up at his door (CW death)

Enforcers being a buncha pigs per usual, but Vander isn't taking their shit...nor is reader

ENTRIES FROM ARCANE PARENTING WEEK

Day 1: 'Building the Bonds' (fluffy Vander and Powder bonding)

Day 2: 'A Perfect Fit' (fluff-the kids make Vander a birthday gift)

Day 3: 'Broken Things Can Still Be Fixed' (angst-Vander and the kids have a fight)

Day 4: 'What Could of and Will Never Be' (AU where Silco and Vander work something out also Powder is being herself

Day 5: 'Both Are Possible' (Vander teaching Vi how to spar while giving advice)

Day 6: 'Even a Sleeping Bear is Dangerous' (a gang tries to kidnap the kids. It doesn't end well)

Day 7: 'Picking Up the Pieces and Making Something New' (headcanon of post season 1 with my OC giving comfort and advice at Vander's memorial)

-This list will be updated as stories are completed :D

Request Terms: 🖊

1. I can work on a max of 2 at a time to be able to give them the attention and energy they deserve as well as have enough for my own projects. Please check the status on this post as I'll update it as needed.

2. You can make your request via DM or Asks.

3. If you're requesting a certain canon character, I'll let you know if they're someone I can write for; if I don't feel I can 'get in their head' well enough to write them in character I may have to politely decline. It's no disrespect to you or your idea, I just want to be able to do my best for you.

4. If you're requesting an oc and/or a particular scenario, I'll need some details! Name, appearance, age, personality, background/motivations etc. Like with canon characters I want to be able to write them as well as possible. We'll discuss the details via DM.

5. I have no issues with writing NSFW material BUT. I will NOT TOLERATE MINORS ASKING FOR NSFW CONTENT. Right in my description it says 18+ ONLY and I stand by that. By requesting NSFW material you are certifying you are at least 18 and I am not responsible for your online experience or behavior.

6. Completion time will vary depending on the request itself, complexity, whether or not my muse is cooperating, and my available time/energy. I'll keep you updated on my progress.

#request rules #pinned post #writing asks #vander x reader #arcane vander x reader #arcane vander x oc #vander arcane #vander arcane smut #*conrete writes*#arcane vander #vander x you

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bakugohoex · 4 years

Text

“know your place...foolish girl”

pairing: ryomen sukuna x female reader

cw: tattoo artist sukuna, fluff, mentions of death, enemies to lovers, long fic, fluff, angst, language, slut shaming, nsfw (praise, jaw grabbing, nipple sucking, female receiving oral, unprotected sex, breeding, pet names, sir kink, finger sucking)

word count: 14,400+

a/n: please don’t ask how i wrote this, it took like four days and I just had this urge to keep adding the points I wanted to add. posting this on ao3 later on tonight as well, so here’s the link to that.

summary: in which one terrible meeting with sukuna leads you to be pushed into an unusual relationship with one another, with you both starting out hating one another, could you both really be friends?

↞ back to jujutsu kaisen masterlist

Birds circled around the area; the gloomy storms ready to cascade down onto the pavement. The need for a coffee fix was evident as you walked towards your favourite café, shouting through the phone at your friend, Yui who needed you once again. You didn’t care for her next want, instead barging through the doors of the place, a warm breath of air hitting you as you smelt the crushed coffee and appetising deserts lined up in front of you. Waiting in line as you continued to hear her ramble, “I’ll think about it.”

“I’ll take that as a yes, I’ll send you the address.” You rolled your eyes as you hanged up to order your coffee, she was never close to you. But when she needed something she’d always end up calling you. This time for company to get her first tattoo, she was a sweet girl, but could be a pain when in need.

Quickly ordering you waited to get your coffee, scrolling through the text message as she sent the time for later on tonight and the address in the inner parts of the city. It was an area you hadn’t been too, google maps wasn’t helping to get a true sense of the place. You tried zooming in as you shuffled backwards for others to wait for their coffee, instead meeting someone’s back. Apologising you stood still trying to zoom in as you moved away from the guy, he glared at you, watching how you squinted into your phone.

“Watch where you’re going?” He scowls as he barges past you, hitting your elbow as you finally lock eyes with the man.

His blushed pink hair would almost make him seem sweet, but the tattoos that adorned his arms and went right up to his neck gave an intimidating essence. His eyes flashed with a sadistic glee as he raised an eyebrow at you. “Sorry.” You mutter as you grab your coffee, seeing the fury of wind bashing against the trees as it looked like a scene out there.

He didn’t say anymore leaving to go into the weather, you didn’t question the mysterious man as you went back to your own coffee and phone. The outside of the tattoo place looked decent, somewhere where the ditsy girl you called your friend would definitely never go. But what could you do, you texted saying you’d meet her as you went out into the wind, a cold breath almost pushing you back inside as you took steady steps. Walking past the coffee shop, you saw the same guy from prior, tugging at his pink hair as drank his coffee. He looked pissed at whoever he was talking too, you didn’t pay any attention to him as you walked past him.

The wind had other plans, as he felt himself being dragged by the wind pushing right into you, coffee spilling on your clothes as this time you were the one to scowl at him. “What the fuck?”

“You talking to me.” His eyes flicked to your now brown stained shirt as the wind had seemed to calm down at the second you both touched.

You gave a glare as you didn’t know how to react to something like that, “you could apologise.” It was a mutter, but he heard you well enough to give you a look of disgust.

“Know your place.” He moved closer, almost towering on top of you as he came right up into your face in an unamused manner, “foolish girl.”

Your eyes widened as you had been keeping in a harsh breath, he left you standing there in silence, coffee staining into your skin and clothes as you finally let out a deep breath. You watched the pink haired boy leave without an apology as a fear ran down your spine at this man.

Shaking your head as you made the strenuous walk towards your apartment to find clothes that you could quickly wear before you met Yui. The multiple texts you’d gotten as you put your clothes to wash, different tattoo ideas she wanted, you ignored it as you put on semi decent clothes. The flash of the time being shown on your bedside table as you ran out of your apartment right to where you both had decided to meet.

The wind had calmed down a lot more as the brisk hues of yellows and reds began setting downwards, seeing her waiting on the road where the tattoo place was. She gave you a gleam as she grabbed your hand, almost dragging you into the place. Open brick cascaded down the walls as designs scattered against it, every design was intricate, beautiful even. You both began looking at the designs as you saw someone come down from the upstairs area, the stairs open as a man with black hair arrived.

“Hello ladies, how can I help you?” His hair reached to right down his back, partially up as stray strands adorned his face. Tattoos scoured his exposed arms as you saw a significant one run down his neck to meet another one of his tattoos.

He was attractive, a sense of mystery behind those black eyes of his. Yui spoke of her appointment as you continued looking around, scrolling through a collection of tattoos on the desk. You found some designs that you liked; you had never thought of getting a tattoo but seeing all the intricate designs that brought so much passion made your heart almost burst. “Those are Sukuna’s designs.”

A white-haired man came strolling past the desk, crystal blue eyes that brought so much depth as you traced the designs with your fingers. “They’re nice.”

“You getting any?” The man asked as Yui had started filling out some forms by your side.

You shake your head going back to look at the details of each one, “Sukuna should be down any minute.” The black-haired man spoke as both him and the white-haired man left to see some other clients that had come through the doors.

Yui looked more giddy than usual, those wide eyes as she eagerly paced beside you. “Ryo.” She whines as she sees someone she recognised; you didn’t turn to meet the man as you continued staring at Sukuna’s work.

“I told you not to call me that.” The man scowls behind you, the voice felt so familiar as if you had heard it before. You start to turn around to meet the man when you feel him almost shout to you, “this the friend then?”

“Yeah, she loves your work.” You meet the man’s gaze as both of you stare at one another, with wide eyes and unsettling confusion.

You hadn’t realised but the white-haired man had come back and had been witnessing the two of you stare at one another. “Sukuna, that isn’t your ex-fuck is it….awkward.”

“Fuck off Satoru.” His eyes scanned back at you as Yui looked between the two of you in confusion, “what? Come here to make me pay for your washing.”

“What is wrong with you? I didn’t even say anything.” You retort back eyes lazily gazing his own, you could see his tattoos more clearly, the two lines on both his wrists and upper arms, the circles on his shoulders as you could just see the start of it.

“You’re here for some reason, I should be the one making you pay for my spilt coffee.” He grumbles back moving away from your friend and closer to your own body.

You watched him move his fingers to your jaw, hatred boiling up in your skin at his touch, “you’re blaming me for the winds action, what are you 5?”

“God…both of you are giving me a migraine.” A blonde arrived carrying what looked like sliced bread as he looked at Sukuna and you. He had been watching the performance, seeing how both of you had become frustrated in a matter of seconds.

“Whatever, come on, let’s get your tattoo over and done with.” He muttered to Yui who was still confused.

You grabbed her arm making her stop as she stared right back at you, being an airhead really must be tough for her. “Who is that guy?”

“My boyfriend, I told you about him, remember?” You blinked a couple times in confusion as you repeated the word in your head. She had spoken about a boyfriend, but you assumed she meant someone cute like her and not a man covered in tattoos with a sadistic stupid grin.

You nodded letting her go as you leaned against the counter looking at Satoru and the blond, “is he always an ass or is it a special occasion.”

“He’s an ass to us, don't worry about him.” Satoru’s words were reassuring as the blond started wanting to know your relationship with his co-worker.

You nod as you wait in the reception, there had really been no reason for you to even go with your friend. She had left to get her stupid tattoo with her stupid boyfriend and now here you were on your own trying to act like you had stuff going in your life. The two having begun to talk between one another before you saw the black-haired man come back with his client. “Is Sukuna still in there?”

“Yeah knowing him he’s getting something other than money in return.” Satoru scoffed as he went to grab some of the sliced bread that the blond had been holding. The black-haired man stared at you in confusion before asking what occurred as he had heard shouting before. “Sukuna got all bitchy again, they know each other.”

“Oh you two fucked?”

“Not that it’s any of your business but no we didn’t fuck, he spilt coffee on me this morning.” You retorted as you crossed your arms not meeting the gazes of the three men.

Satoru looked at his two friends as he gave a smirk to them both, “I’m surprised he didn’t make you pay for the coffee.”

“Just the coffee, if she wasn’t attractive he’d make her pay for being in the same proximity as her.” The black-haired man spoke as you watched the three men chuckle, disregarding their comment on your attractiveness. You rolled your eyes as you heard him speak again, “I’m Geto, that’s Satoru and Nanami, what’s yours then?”

“Y/n.” You had sat down on one of the couches in the waiting area, after the introductions an influx of customers who came in for their own bookings. Satoru waved goodbye as Nanami and Geto seemed to be pushed with clients into the respective areas.

All three had their own intricate tattoos and designs, Nanami with a whole sleeve across his arm that went write up to his neck. You had seen how the couple open buttons in his shirt allowed wisps of black to be shown. Geto and the scattered tattoos across his arms and Satoru with his own mix and matches tattoos of different colours and shapes. You flicked through the booklet again, eyes scoring against Sukuna’s work. For such an arrogant piece of shit his work really was divine.

You heard Yui come out with Sukuna, dishevelled hair as Sukuna wiped her lipstick from his mouth. He glared at you as you refused to meet his eyes, the urge to punch him in his stupid face being prevalent. “Y/n, look isn’t it so cute.”

She showed you her thigh where the rose was, Sukuna looking at it with a roll of his eyes. It was nothing like the intricate designs you had seen in the booklet. You may not have known the man, but it just didn’t look like something he’d enjoy doing. She pulled her skirt back down; you could almost smell sex on her as she went up to Sukuna. He had told her what to use before she gave him a long kiss. You tried to not watch them kiss but it was a whole show to watch, his hand gripping her ass as he kissed back, saliva dripping from their mouths.

Looking anywhere but at them, you put the booklet back onto the main desk before hearing her say a goodbye to her Ryo. “I told you not to call me that,” there was no teasing manner in his words, he was dead serious, hating how his name sounded on the whores mouth.

“Ryo told me he spilled coffee on you this morning, I’ll make him apologise to you tomorrow.” You gave her a blank look as you both walked through the night sky.

“Tomorrow?” You questioned not knowing what was even occurring the next day.

She raised an eyebrow as she spoke, “Nobara, she invited all of us to her apartment, remember?” The memory of the dyed haired girl came alight, the three of you had been talking in a lecture when she told you both to come to her housewarming. She had been so excited to show you how she decorated the place and to show you everything she bought but you hadn’t been paying attention. Instead nodding at her words instead, “I invited Ryo to come with me.”

“Oh great, an afternoon seeing that dickhead's face.” You scowled, kicking the pebble into the pavement as you tried to not whine but you hated the man and you most certainly knew he hated you.

She brought her hands to her chest trying to gain warmth through the cold weather, “don’t be like that, he means a lot to me.”

“Yeah being told off for saying his name sure shows how much he cares for.” Maybe you were still pissed about what occurred this morning, he hadn’t even apologised for something so small. But your friend was too unaware to realise what you saw, a demon reincarnated.

You both parted ways as you walked the stretch to your apartment, you knew Yui was sweet, but her lack of awareness was sometimes frustrating. You had heard the moans come from the small area, heard how everybody seemed to find it normal and what could you do. Nothing, you stared blankly at the wall in your apartment, the bland cream walls encasing nothing but the sadness of uni life. Nobara was sweet enough to invite you and you knew you’d just have to ignore that bastard instead.

The next day passed without much interruption, sorting out uni work before getting ready for her little get together. You didn’t know who else was going, having spent most of your time with your other friends but the idea of having to see Sukuna made you cringe. Looking at your outfit, a casual look, not expecting anything big to occur. You made the walk towards her apartment bringing some wine with you as a gift as you finally found the tower of apartments.

Walking into the elevator you were about to press the button when you heard a giddy laugh telling you to keep the door open. “Omg Y/n, you look super cute.” The whine of her voice made you stare right back at her, so innocent but the man she had been pulling on making her look nothing more than his toy.

“Thanks.” You mutter refusing to meet Sukuna’s eyes, his arms tattoos on show as he wore a black shirt, most of the buttons undone to show his distinctive marked chest. He rolled his sleeves as you pressed the button to the floor as she rambled on about her day.

You watched her grab his hand, moving closer to his side as he looked lazily down at her. He really was a fucking cunt, with that sadistic smirk and taunting eyes. “…Ryo was telling me Satoru was interested in you.”

“That’s nice.” You muttered not wanting to have a conversation about the men you had met last night.

Sukuna finally looked at you, eyebrows raised as he looked up from the ground. His light brown eyes gazing up and down your body as he stared almost indecisively at you. She stood firm against him whining for him to apologise about yesterday, but he didn’t seem to care as he stared at you with those dull eyes of his.

“I don’t care if he apologises or not.” You finally mutter as you felt suffocated by the sheer pressure of his gaze. It was a longing and you felt uncomfortable under his eyes, she had barely noticed the significant glare he was giving to you as she flaunted herself to him. At least she had something going for her with those looks of her, her unawareness and ditsiness catched men’s eyes but the way Sukuna dismissed her flaunts made you wonder why he even bothered with her.

The door opened as you quickly stepped out, not wanting to be near either of them as you walked towards Nobara’s apartment. Knocking as her bright face emerged engulphing you in a hug, “come in, come in.”

“I got you this.” You pass her the wine as she takes it, seeing Sukuna and Yui come in, her mouth in a gawk as she eyes the pink haired man up and down.

She puts the wine down as she gives a hug to your friend, “and who is this?”

Sukuna looked to the side not wanting to speak as he scoured around the room for someone he would recognise, his eyes meeting your mutual friend Megumi’s. He gave a nod at the black-haired boy who began walking towards the four of you, “this is my boy…”

Before she could finish Megumi interrupted, arm across your shoulder with a grin, “y/n with other friends.” You rolled your eyes as he went over to Sukuna, giving him a pat on the shoulder, “and Sukuna, what you doing here? Work run out of ink, you gonna start sucking our bloods.”

“Real funny.” Sukuna’s voice was unamused as Megumi almost dragged him away from you all.

Nobara had left as you saw Yui look isolated and alone, it was weird, a new emotion you hadn’t seen as you patted her back lightly. “Let’s get a drink.”

She nodded as you took her hand moving her past others that you knew and towards where a pile of beverages were. You had to hand it to Nobara the apartment did look good, it fit her aesthetic perfectly and you could only wish for your apartment to feel homely. Looking back on your own, it wasn’t a home, it was just a convenient place to live for your university studies.

Yui began rambling about something, almost glad she wasn’t paying attention to her boyfriend who had been talking with Megumi on the balcony. You could see eyes fawn over him, not understanding how people could find him attractive. Your skin crawled as you looked at him one last time before listening to her as she spoke for the next half an hour. Sukuna came towards you both after a while and that’s when disaster struck…once again.

“I’m leaving.” He was blunt with his words as you stared at the pair's interaction.

She looked at him with soft eyes, “but you promised you’d stay longer than an hour.” You looked over to Sukuna waiting to hear what he’d say as he needed a good excuse to be a shit date for this gathering.

“Okay, and? I’m a working adult. I have shit going on.” He seemed almost tense, hand gripping his phone as his eyes flashed with a worry before a glare back at you.

She disregarded his words as she continued to whine, “we can sneak off if you want…”

“Fucking hell I don’t want to sleep with you.” He tried to speak calmly but others had heard what was occurring in the kitchen. Jaw clenched as if something really bad was happening and he needed to be there.

You rolled your eyes at the unnecessarily loud comment touching your friends shoulder to reassure her, “come on let’s go back to mine.”

Sukuna glared, not bothering to give her a goodbye as you explained to Nobara the issue before giving her a farewell. You took her back to yours as soon as she hit the couch she was out like a light. You didn’t understand how someone as pretty as her could get with someone as disgusting as Sukuna. Those stupid eyes, so intimidating and closed off to the rest of the world. You shook your head trying to not think of the devilish man as you went into your room, falling into your own slumber.

It had been a few days since the incident occurred, going to a lecture with her as she still spoke highly of Sukuna. Explaining how he had had other plans and how he apologised, it was a lie of course and you knew it. You had caught a glimpse of the multiple read messages that she had sent to him, no reply back as either he was being a cunt or something else had been occurring in his private life that he didn’t want to tell her.

She had been trying to persuade you to come back to the tattoo store, bribing you with Satoru’s number even though you had no need for the white haired man's number. She signed in defeat as you left your separate ways from the lecture.

The week continued on like this, her talking highly of Sukuna but the now unopened messages being a sign that he truly did not care. You tried to not look too long on the messages but the way you’d see her sometimes stare at her phone almost manifesting his response. It went on like this, her ignorance as it seemed she sent more than 10 messages a day in the past week. You didn’t question it, not wanting to be involved in a relationship you didn’t care for.

Having Saturday to yourself, the coffee-stained shirt is still soaking after a week due to not having bothered to actually clean it properly. Stupid Sukuna! You rubbed at your eyes wanting a relaxing evening after the studying you had done in the library most of the day. Finally getting into the blankets you sat cozied up in the covers as you put an anime on to watch.

You had only gained peace for less than 10 minutes before your phone was blaring, startling you in an instant. Your hand reached for your phone as you saw Yui’s name flash up, answering it tiredly, “hey what’s up?”

“Y/n.” Sukuna’s voice soothed out on the line, hearing your name from his mouth sending a shiver, “your stupid friend is drunk and at my place, fucking get her or I’m leaving her outside.”

“Wait? Sukuna yo…you can’t just leave her outside, and I don’t even have a car…”

He quickly interrupts, “I don’t care, we…I don’t need her right now.”

“You’re a real class a cunt.” You shout through the phone, he was cheating clearly, his misspoken words making you realise he was an even bigger jerk than you realised. Seeing the address in the chat as he had hanged up on you after you called him a cunt. It was more than a 20-minute walk and you refused to walk there, getting an uber seemed like your best bet, you didn’t understand why he didn’t let her scream or shout at him. He had been caught out and now she could see the real Sukuna that you saw.

The drive taking less than 5 minutes you told the driver to wait as you went up to his apartment, the area was nice. Almost too nice for a man with an attitude and mouth like his own, finally finding the door, you saw how it was slightly open as you heard shouting coming from within. Opening the door, you were met with Sukuna and Yui but another figure with a glum look and the exact same face as Sukuna.

“Took you long enough.” Sukuna scowled as you saw your friend in tears, instantly rushing inside to comfort her.

You glared at the boy before what seemed to be his twin or younger brother spoke up, “just make them leave Sukuna.” He didn’t seem as fuelled with anger when his brother spoke of it, but a fury flashed through your insides, tissues seemed to scatter his apartment as you finally got a look of it all.

It was a shock, pretty even something that you craved to live in, the aesthetic, the way the whole room was filled with so much comfort and warmth. Too bad a psychotic loser like Sukuna lived there. “Yo…you can’t just call my friends us..and make…make them come and get me. I…I’m not a child.” Tears flooded her face as you looked up at Sukuna ready to give him a piece of your mind.

“You really are an ass, how fucking dare you treat her like that, when all she ever fucking does is talk about how you’re such a sweet guy. I’m fucking glad she’s realised just how much of a twat you are.” His brother almost felt startled at what he was hearing looking at Sukuna for any indication of what you were talking about.

Sukuna instead grabbed your wrist pulling you towards what looked to be his kitchen, a pizza box on the side as the place was moderately tidy. “You don’t fucking get it do you?”

“What are…” He interrupted his finger on your mouth forcing you to shut up and listen to him.

You wafted his finger away waiting to hear his next words, “that guy over there is my twin, our grandfather died last Sunday.” Realisation hit you as you realised that was why he had been so tense, so on edge at Nobara’s get together. You put your hand to his shoulder to comfort him but stopped yourself waiting for him to continue, “your pathetic friend barged in here drunk and started calling us the pathetic ones.”

“I didn’t know, I’m sorry.” You whispered out almost feeling bad for the man.

He continued not meeting your gaze as he leant against the cabinet, eyes down, for a man with limited emotions he found it hard to express his next words without feeling somewhat sad. “I explained what happened to her and she told both of us to grow a pair and told my brother to stop crying like a twat, she can talk all the shit she likes about me. But about the people I fucking care about, I need the bitch gone now.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll take her now.” She wasn’t even that drunk, you could see it in her eyes, the glint of sympathy she wanted as she barged past you and clinged her arms on Sukuna’s neck. He pushed her away as she tried to go back onto him, embarrassment setting in for yourself.

“Come on daddy, let me take your mind off of your stupid gran…” His blood boiled as he pushed her away once more, you took the step between them, gripping her arm as you dragged her out.

You pulled her towards the door, looking at Sukuna’s twin who looked sad, they looked similar, but the distinct lack of piercings made him look even more vulnerable. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” You bowed your head before leaving with your idiotic friend.

“God Y/n, always ruining the fun.” She belted out as you both walked into the elevator.

“How disrespectful can you get; I know he’s an ass but to be so disrespectful to the dead.” You crossed your arms pissed at having been dragged into this fiasco as you looked at her almost gleeful expression.

She looked at herself in the mirror across from you both as you signed, “I don’t care, I was horny, and who cares, you said it yourself my boyfriends a cunt.”

“Ex-boyfriend.” You muttered under your breath.

“He can’t resist getting his dick wet, he’ll come back.” She spoke with a confidence you hadn’t seen before, as if her whole ditsy façade was to just gain popularity and attention. You didn’t look at her as you both walked toward the uber, making her split the cost of it all as you dropped her off, you hated it.

Hated how she sent an air kiss as she left, almost happy at the chaos she created. You knew what you had to do and that was to ignore her in lectures and hopefully never had to meet Sukuna ever again.

It seemed to be working, you’d sit beside Megumi in lectures now, a sadness in her eyes as you’d be the one ignoring her. Maybe it was because her comments didn’t sit right with you or maybe it was a way to leave a friend you didn’t care for. You hadn’t met Sukuna at all the week that followed the occurrence, you were glad to never have to see him again.

Walking into the coffee shop for your latest fix of caffeine, a storm has come across the horizon. An eeriness to the grey skies. You had gotten a bus further into town wanting to go to your fav route coffee store one far away from the likes of Sukuna. Eyes flicking at your drink you sat at a table pulling out your laptop to do some work as the grey skies slowly became a mist of darkness.

Time had caught onto you as you found yourself ushered outside at closing time rain pouring as you realised just how late it was and how the last bus had already left Bringing your phone as you stood under the shelter of the café, you went to get an uber when you felt a gust of wind and as a figure barged into you. “Fucking shitty ass rain.” It was a recognisable voice as you turned and met Sukuna, pink hair draped down across his face, as his coat barely covered him as he draped it across his shoulders. “For fucks sake it had to be you I met.”

“Fuck off, I was here first you came to me.” You scowled watching the rain pour as you went on the app to get you an Uber as quick as you could.

Sukuna’s eyes flashed to your phone, trickles of water on it as he stared at your screen, “I’ll give you a lift home, I don’t like being in debt to people.”

“You’re not though.” You mutter still looking down at your phone as you stared at the prices.

“You got rid of Yui, I owe you.”

You didn’t understand his logic as it made no sense at all, “whatever you don’t owe me, and she isn’t my friend.”

He didn’t question it as he brought his car keys out, gesturing for you to follow as you did. It wasn’t like he was going to kill you and if Megumi was friends with him what was the harm in getting a free lift.. Even with his loud obnoxious almost suffocating presence in the rain it almost felt like the two of you could be civil.

He opened your door as you slipped inside the car, feeling the warm black leather seats as he chucked his coat to the back. The shirt he wore right across his skin as you stared at his tattoos, “it’s rude to stare.”

“Shut up.” You muttered looking out at the weather. It was gruesome and wild, and you could already see the evident traffic up ahead.

One hand stayed lazily on the steering wheel as he tapped on it as the other rested on the gear stick, he cleared his throat before finally speaking, “why did you stop being friends with her then?”

“Realised she was a bitch; I don’t want those types of people around me.” You continued to stare out of the window, looking up at the black sky, stars trickling through the rain.

He didn’t say anymore a tense atmosphere as you finally met his gaze again, his fingers tapping lightly to a song you didn’t know that was playing on the radio. “Why did you date her?” He moved forward as his jaw clenched checking his mirrors to see if he could go through a side street bypassing the traffic.

“I never did.” He muttered, still looking for a way out.

You rolled your eyes as you continued, “I might dislike her, but she spoke about you as if you were the best boyfriend in the world and now here you are acting like you never dated her.”

“God Y/n can you shut the fuck up?” You were startled by his words as he quickly went past the traffic indicator right as he turned into a side street making sure to not get caught in an uncomfortable situation again. “I never asked her out, it was a one-night stand, but she fucking kept coming to the tattoo place, and Nanami and Geto were getting pissed she said she’d leave only if I dated her and fucked her regularly.”

You were almost disgusting by the proposition, his agreement on it to make her go away and her own for making such a revolting idea. “You…you…” Unaware of what to say you trailed off as you refused to look back at him.

“Put your address in here.” He tossed his phone into your lap, easily unfolded as you put your address in without even questioning it. Putting his phone back up on the stand in his car, he continued, “why would a prissy girl like you ever become friends with someone like her?”

“She needed my help studying.” You muttered not knowing how else to respond, it was true that you both had met out of convenience to one another. His finger motion on the wheel matched the rhythm of the song that currently played as you didn’t elaborate.

He turned to see what you were doing, how you stared out into the darkness all alone with nothing but an empty lonely apartment. “God you must be fun at parties.”

“Cut the crap Sukuna, what the fuck are you doing this for?”

“What’s this?” He gestured as he had seen you meet his gaze.

You rolled your eyes hating how he made you elaborate, “asking questions, offering me a lift home. What do you want? Sex? A good little cunt for you to fill, I knew I was right abou…”

“Y/n.” Your name felt piercingly loud against the inside of the car, “why do you always think the worst of me?”

“Because you’ve been an ass since day fucking one, gosh get off your high horse Sukuna nobody gives a fuck about this persona you have if you’re just going to act like a dick half the time.” Your words stung him as his jaw clenched pissed at how freely you spoke about his life.

“You’re giving me advice on persona’s; I knew from the first time you walked into the tattoo place that you hated Yui. Don’t talk to me about personas when you acted like you wanted to choke her to death.”

His words were filled with truth and malice as you looked down, “I…I did hate her…I do hate her.”

He didn’t expect your response, but your next words filled him with another emotion, “I was jealous, okay? She was so pretty to me, she could’ve had anyone, and she picked you, the guy who didn’t give a fuck about her. I hated her for it, hated how she got men left right and centre when all I got were guys interested in sex rather than a relationship.” You took a heavy breath as you couldn’t stop your rambling, couldn’t stop the freshly watered eyes from cascading down your face, “so yes Sukuna I fucking hate her, she is everything I’m not, everything a man wants.”

Sukuna didn’t know what to say as he put his car in park, grabbing your face in his hands as he forced you to look at him. “I know you don’t like me; I hate you as much as you fucking hate me. But you’re more than just a fuck to someone out there. Maybe it’s the guilt and grief I'm going through for not being around for my granddad as much but she is the opposite of you and was a cunt. You’re worth a whole lot more than her.”

You tried to turn away to stop staring into his eyes, his calloused hands gripped onto your face as you could feel just how intricate his fingers were. His grip tight as you felt his heavy breath against your own, “take me home.”

He let go in an instant not meeting your gaze as he drove in silence, it was too quiet for your liking. He stopped tapping the wheel as you just stared outside, watching how the rain pattered away against the roof. The arrival to your apartment complex seemed much faster as you looked at the gloomy elevator that would take you to your gloomy apartment. “What? Not going to invite me inside?”

“What do you think?” You muttered opening the door as you stepped into the rain.

You heard his own side open as he slipped out of the car, “well if you really want me too.” Rolling your eyes and not wanting to be around him you found yourself being followed by the boy, his eyes looking around the place. It was pretty, too pretty for someone like you, he watched you fumble to open your apartment. He expected to see your personality residue onto the walls but instead was met with nothing but a cream-coloured walls and the basic necessities. “What, you still moving in or something?”

You drop your stuff and take your shoes off ignoring his comment as you went straight to the kitchen. He quickly followed eyes widening to be met with another plainness, affectionless room. “Seriously why are you here?” You say getting some leftover food out of the fridge to warm up.

“I owe you.” He scratches the back of his head as he looks at the food.

You point at your food before speaking again, “get two plates.” He nodded eagerly as you pointed to where the plates were as you warmed it up on the stove. “You don’t owe me anything, you have me a lift home remember.”

“I owe you for my comment.” He doesn’t meet your gaze grabbing the two plates and putting them on the counter. “Your place, it's not very you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You question crossing your arms as you stared at the man.

He looked around seeing nothing of any value to you, “it’s not you, it’s just very plain and dull.”

“I’m plain and dull.” You bring the food over portioning it into the plates as you watch Sukuna look for forks to eat it with. If he had walked into this place without knowing it was yours he’d have thought it was a showroom.

You move and take your plate as you both go into the lounge right in front of the TV. “Yeah not with that mouth of yours.”

“Shut up.” You scowled sitting on the side of the couch as he sat on the other, you moved to put something on the TV as he watched you happily put on an anime that he recognised. He was surprised you had even let him step foot in your home but there really wasn’t anything to see of importance that he could mock.

He watched you eat and watch anime, so this is how you spent your days, uni, hanging out with friends, revising, eating and watching anime. “Y/n.”

“Yeah.” You muttered just as you put more food in your mouth.

“Why did you let me inside?”

You finally looked at him, plate empty as he put it on the table, you met his gaze, “we both hate each other, it’s not like i’ll ever have to see you again after this, and you said it yourself you owed me.”

“No, there’s something else, is it about what I said earlier.” He asked as you finally looked at him directly in the eyes.

You didn’t know how to reply as you stared at him softly, “I…I think you should leave.”

“For fucks sake, just tell me, like you said you won’t have to see me ever again after this.” His eyes looked up and down across your body. How you seemed so small when isolated, how that big mouth of yours that he wanted to shut up so badly. Had finally fallen silent.

You tried to think of an answer, but came to nothing, “I thought…that I was doing this to make me feel better, like I was getting back at her but instead I’m just being something I hate. I’m sorry, okay?”

“It’s fine, I’d have done the same, guess we’re both dicks then.” You stifle a laugh as you look at him with wide eyes.

“Maybe you’re not that bad.”

“I’m surprised I did call you a fool.”

“Foolish puppet actually.”

He chuckles as he looks at you his lip turning upwards as he looked at the anime, “you know I thought the beast titan was Erwins dad for a solid three months.”

“What? Erwin and Zeke are like 10 years apart.” You chuckle as you pause the episode on one of the many gory scenes, “let me guess you didn’t know who the female titan was either.”

“Of course I didn’t, do I look like I read manga?” He mused out putting his arm around the couch as he watched you on your knees face him. You seemed joyful talking about anime with him, as for what seemed like hours the two of you spoke about different anime’s and stuff you both enjoyed.

“…you can’t be serious you got an anime tattoo.” You had moved closer to him; his arm touched your side as you begged for him to show you.

He turned around lifting his shirt up as it remained up to his neck. That’s when you saw the cascades of different colours and pictures around his back, the hunter x hunter phantom troupe spider being under his shoulder as you moved your finger to trace it. “Number four really.”

“Don’t lie and say you aren’t another whore for Hisoka.” His skin shivers as you trace each leg, the intricacy of all his tattoos making your mind go wild. Maybe he wasn’t as bad as you had initially thought, maybe there was something more to him.

He put his shirt down as he turned to meet your eyes again you had moved closer and without realising his face was only a mere centimetres away from your own. “Sorry.” You whisper moving backwards a big in a shuffle.

“Don’t worry about it, ever thought about it then?”

“Thought about what?”

He gestured to his arm and chest tattoos as you shrugged, “maybe, but I’m indecisive it’d have to be something I really liked.”

“Well Satoru was telling me you liked my designs.” Your eyes widened at how you have been practically exposed by Satoru.

He chuckles tilting his head back as you could see his neck tattoos more, “I could always give you one.”

“You sure you wouldn’t want to give me a flower one instead.” You teased as he rolled his eyes coming closer to your body.

“I know exactly where I’d put it.” His finger grazed to your exposed arm, skimming up and down before moving up to your shoulder and down to just where your neck was.

Your breath hitched as his finger skimmed past the material nearly divulging into where your two breasts met. He watched how you gave a flushed look before smirking, removing his hand, “it’s late, pass me your phone.”

“W…why?” You spoke already, grabbing it to give to him.

“So you can have my number, we should hang out again.” His fingers typed into the new contact, easily writing his name and number as he passed back the phone.

You nodded as you walked with him towards the door, he grabbed his stuff before you saw him wave goodbye before leaving. You leant against the door as you grabbed your phone seeing his stupid name with the skull emoji, quickly typing about how you enjoyed tonight you threw your phone to the side as you felt a feeling you hated entirely.

It had been a week since both you and Sukuna had met again, but the multiple texts you both sent one another had been divulging into some sort of feeling of friendship. You had invited him to your best friends birthday celebration after feeling that both of you had somewhat become friends. He seemed happy to come along a clear contrast to when he had been made to go to the housewarming a couple weeks back.

He met you outside your apartment, seeing how you came out in a thin red dress, it was short, but you looked amazing. He had worn a similar outfit that he wore weeks prior the difference being the shirt looked a lot tighter and there had been a couple more unbuttons undone. A metal necklace cascaded down his neck brushing back and forth against the air and his skin and rings embodied his veined fingers. He watched you happily skip into the car; he couldn’t help but smile but as soon as you stepped inside the dickhead in him came out. “Sure this is a birthday party and not a strip club.”

“Aww you think I could become a stripper.” You pout as you look at the mirror putting more lipgloss on too sooth your lips. He rolled his eyes reversing out as he looked behind you both, arm on your seat as you couldn’t help but stare at his chest with the black lines and his arms that had their own.

He hadn’t noticed your staring instead moving right out and making you put the destination into his phone, “how long are you staying till?”

“However long you want.” You say typing the destination before going into his camera, “your cameras better.”

You took a couple pictures as you sent them to yourself choosing which one was the best one before putting his phone back on the grip. “She’s your friend.”

“I thought you didn’t like stuff like this.”

“What makes you say that?” His arm was lazily against the wheel as he moved it at every turn.

You shrugged before answering, “it’s a uni party, you don’t seem like the type to go to ones.”

“Just because I didn’t go to shitty uni doesn’t mean I won’t fit in, idiot.”

You rolled your eyes as you looked back on the road, his other hand scratching his jaw. “Megumi should be there if you don’t want to be aroun…”

“I'm going with you, why would I leave you?” He didn’t meet your gaze; he already knew that if did see those wide eyes and that tiny dress one more time he wouldn’t be able to help himself take you in the car.

You nodded not saying anymore as he began rambling about some client that wanted the ugliest tattoo possible, “why did you just tell him to fuck off?”

“What makes you think I didn’t, I don’t do shitty tattoos.” His grip tightened against the wheel as he turned to see what you were doing. Your dress having ridden up as your thighs were on show, he stared at them before meeting the road gaze again.

You nodded as you increased the volume on the song that was playing, “what’s a shitty tattoo to you?”

“Flowers, girly shit.”

“You literally named one thing.” You roll your eyes as he watches you change the song from his phone, your chest on top of his arm on the gear stick as he was able to see how pretty your tits sat in the dress.

He looked down before shaking his head to look outside the windows, “flowers are shitty, any shitty type of animal.”

“What so if I asked for a dolphin you wouldn’t give me one?” He raised an eyebrow as you continued, “oh come on dolphins could be a look.”

“No they wouldn’t, they look shitty and you don’t even like dolphins.”

You shrugged leaning back in your seat, “and how would you know?”

“Because I know you, come on.” He had parked without you realising as you both got out of the car. He saw the tall high rise of buildings; it was similar to your own complex but with a lot more emotion that he’d never seen from yours.

He watched you grab his sleeve to tug him along as he stood behind you, watching how your thighs moved through the thin fabric. It was almost a blessing to have to look down at you as the ability to see how your tits perked up made his head run wild. “So what’s her name again?”

“Maki, and no she already has a boyfriend.” You stepped into the elevator, as he rolled his eyes at your comment.

“I didn’t want to fuck your best friend anyway.” He muttered as he leant against the railing, eyes flashing to how perfect you looked all dolled up in that outfit. He licked his lips as he continued, “not every girl I see I want to fuck.”

“That is true, you haven’t tried to fuck me.” He didn’t know why he almost felt sad by your comment, there of course had been a reason for not having tried to fuck you but it was stupid and pushed aside.

You both walked out as his hand moved to your back guiding you in a direction even he didn’t know about. “I swear it’s on this floor.”

“You got us lost basically,” you signed as you grabbed your phone pushing Maki’s number as you heard her scream through the phone. Sukuna gave a side eye as you elbowed his side to not be a cunt for once.

“Yeah 5th floor, number 511.” Sukuna grabbed your hand as he had seen that door, forcing you to follow as even with his tight grip. You had expected his hands to feel calloused against your own, but a burst of warmth filled you as you followed him. He knocked on the door as Maki instantly opened grabbing you into a hug, “and who is this?”

“This is Sukuna, I invited him.” You say as she lets go of you, her hair up and a giddy smile at the drink she was holding.

You handed her her present before she came up to Sukuna, “I heard you were a dick by Megumi.”

“Maki you can…”

“No it's true, where is the twat anyway?” Sukuna muttered as Maki hadn’t bothered to apologise instead unwrapping her present happily.

“By the balcony, probably.” He nodded but didn’t leave to go find him, instead sticking your side.

You met his gaze as you didn’t understand why he hadn’t left to mingle or find someone to hook up with, “not going to find Megumi.”

“I said I wouldn’t leave your side.” You nod as he continued, “come on let’s get a drink.”

He dragged you to where the drinks were, passing you a cup as he filled it with some alcohol, he saw Megumi come up towards you both, already partially drunk. “Y/n, Sukuna…together in the same room, I must be dying.”

“Real funny, I don’t see you with anybody.” Sukuna mused as he took a large sip of his drink.

Megumi rolled his eyes planting his arm across your shoulder seeing how tense Sukuna became in a matter of seconds, “go on how did you end up here then?”

“We’re friends.”

“You called him a dickhead two weeks ago.”

You chuckled at your past, his eyebrow raised wanting to hear an explanation of the comment, “that’s because he is one.” You moved to his face, your hand out as you squished his cheeks with one hand, “aren’t you?”

“You better answer her.” Megumi spoke, trying to suppress a laugh at how the big old mighty Sukuna was getting his face squished by you.

Sukuna rolled his eyes as you continued squishing his face, your warmth in your fingers making his ears prick a red colour, “yeah…I am.”

“Good boy.” You giggled letting go of him as Megumi began pouring more alcohol in both your drinks. It seemed like the party would have nothing except drinking and couples making out, you didn’t care seeing how much fun Maki was having with her boyfriend.

You and Sukuna had moved to the couch after Megumi had gotten distracted by Maki’s god, he was probably on the ground letting her dog sleep on him. Sukuna’s voice ringed in your ear as the loud music had made it hard for you both to speak normally, “you were right?”

“Is the Sukuna admitting I was right?” You teased taking a large slip as the strap of your dress had fallen off your shoulder due to having been bumped into by a lot of people.

“Oh shut it.” He didn’t continue with his words, instead moving closer to you, maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was just how beautiful you looked. His eyes gazed across your body, as he moved his hand to re-adjust your strap. His fingers gazing right where your arm was, “a tattoo right there.”

“I’ll have to get one there then.” You replied instantly back to him hoping he’d get the hint.

He nodded his hand tracing your skin, “I’ll give you a good tattoo, make it ruin you.” He didn’t know what he was saying, feeling you move closer to him as if you were just about to meet his lips.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” It was a shout from the doorway as you saw Yui almost jump right on you with her devilish claws. Both you and Sukuna became startled by the action as you both jumped abruptly away from one another.

Maki had come as she stood between the three of you, confusion setting in as she realised just how bad the situation was. “Yui what the fuck?”

“Why are you shouting at me, she’s the one trying to make out with my boyfriend?” The music seemed to settle into quietness as everybody began staring at the scene, you didn’t know what to say. They weren’t dating you knew that but were you really just about to kiss him, the man you had hated those weeks ago, would you have let him do more to you.

You shook your head as you were about to speak but got interrupted, “we aren’t fucking dating, god there really is nothing up there, we were never dating and you’re just a fucking bitch who sleeps around.”

“So you admit that you just wanted to fuck me.” You and Maki stared at one another as you watched what Sukuna would say next.

“Yeah, worst sex I’ve had in a while though.” Your eyes widened at the comment as you tried to suppress a laugh before she stared at you.

Her eyes flicked with rage at how you laughed at his comment, “you hated him, how could you be such a shit friend?”

“We were never friends, you tried to use me to come with you to errands and help you with shit, that’s not being friends.” You mutter crossing your arms as Maki almost looked like she was ready to fight Yui for her fake comments.

Yui looked between the three of you ready to punch you right in your face, “I fucking hate you, he’s going to realise just how boring and selfish you are, and he’ll drop you just like he did too me. You wanna know why you haven’t had a boyfriend in a whilst…it’s because every single one of them found out how dull and boring you are. He’ll see it, he’ll see how you’re a fucking cunt that just gets used for guy’s dicks.”

She stormed out of the apartment, as you let out a heavy breath. You needed fresh air as you left the silence of the room going past everybody and into Maki’s room. Knowing she had a balcony that attached to her window. Crawling out of it as you leant against the railing you saw the bright lights of the city cascade out into the sky. Cold air hitting your body as you thought about her comments, every insecurity you had had was true, you heard the window open as Sukuna stepped outside.

“You’re going to get cold, dumbass.” You don’t laugh at his comment, instead leaning further into the balcony. “You don’t believe what she said right, she’s a fucking cunt and her words were lies Y/n.”

“You don’t understand.” You continued staring at the colourful patterns of the stars, all so pretty. He moved closer resting his shoulders against your own as he could almost see you shiver.

He met your eyeline, watching how you stared up into the dark sky, he knew you saw more than the dark. He could see it in your eyes the way you stared at the sky with such lust to explore its secrets, “explain to me then.”

“You’re you…and I’m me, I’m used to guys getting their dicks wet to me, and you use others to get your own…”

You trailed off not wanting to hear his next words, “you really are still a cunt, listen to me, Yui lied, you and I both know she’s a fucking cunt so why the fuck do you believe it.”

“Because you fucking slept with her.” You didn’t know why you shouted the comment out, it was unnecessary and made no actual sense at all.

Sukuna stayed silent, pink hair almost dropping down to his face in a type of misery, “so what you want me to fuck tou and then leave you, you want to be another one-night stand, is that all you see me as.”

“No…” you had no other words as you both stared at one another in silence, his eyes flicking across to your lips. As he moved closer, face almost touching one another’s as you heard his heavy breath against your own, mouths almost touching.

He looked down as his hands had gripped your sides ready to bring your mouth to his own, “I don’t want you to be another one-night stand.”

“Why?”

“Because you mean a lo…” He got interrupted by the sound of a loud crash occurring inside, “fuck that’s Megumi.”

“We need to check on him.” Your minty breath hit his face as you spoke worried for your friend, you were the first to apart away; he had wished to feel your tender lips on his own but instead was now left out in the dark.

He watched you leave as you went to go check on Megumi, taking a sharp breath as he followed you. You both ended up finding Megumi with the dog wrapped around him, “he’s cuddling the fucking dog.”

“Sorry I need a picture of this.” You spoke fiddly as you brought your phone out taking different angled photos of Megumi being cuddled by Maki’s dog.

Sukuna rolled his eyes before he nudged Megumi with his food, “we’re gonna have to take him home.”

You nodded as you and Sukuna brought him up, his arms on both your shoulders as he stirred, “you two are such nice people:”

“Yeah yeah.” You muttered as you helped him towards Sukuna’s, both putting him in the back as Megumi looked like he was about to fall asleep again.

“I’ll take him to mine, after I drop you back home.” You nod as you both spent the rest of the car journey in silence, not talking about the earlier occurrence of you both nearly kissing twice.

The ride had been quick as you were met with the dull buildings once more, Sukuna watched how you said a simple goodbye, his hand grabbing your wrist to stop you. “Come round the tattoo shop at 8pm.”

“Why?” you questioned as his touch sent a shiver down your spine.

“Just come shitty woman.” You nodded as he let go of your hand watching you walk into your apartment.

“You really…why did you scream?” Megumi voice startled him as she shouted a fuck at hearing Megumi talk, “anyway, you really like her don’t you.”

“Is it that obvious.”

Megumi nodded leaning back in his seat, “you’re a dick to everybody it’s weird seeing you be nice to someone.”

“I’m not a dick to everybody.” Sukuna spoke as he started driving towards his apartments

Megumi rolled his eyes as he looked out of the window, “don’t hurt her.”

“I wouldn’t.” Sukuna mutters as he looks down knowing tomorrow would be the day he told you the absolute truth.

The next day came quicker than expected as you had a couple lectures occurring and some other crap to get onto. Before you even knew it 8pm had arrived as you found yourself walking the same street you had walked a couple weeks back. The same bricks and neon sign outside the place that made the place give off the vibe of a tattoo shop.

Walking inside as the bell indicated a customer had come, it seemed that they had had their influx in customers as Satoru seemed to be annoying Nanami who had ice on his head and Geto tapped away at the counter. “Y/n.” Satoru shouted as he bolted up and met you, “you never came back.”

“Yeah some stuff happened, you know where Sukuna is?” You question as all three of them became silent, probably not understanding why you would need the man you had been cussing out a few weeks ago.

“Sukuna.” Geto hesitantly shouted out as he looked at you, “you’re not going to kick him are you,”

“What? No!” You mutter as you see the pink haired man come down shirtless, his tattoos all on show as you got a glimpse of every single one perfectly resting across his body. “Y/n, you’re early.”

He checked his watch seeing the time being 7:50, as you gave him a small smile, “so what did you need me for?”

“To give you a tattoo idiot.” He spoke it as of you were the one who had been the dumb one in the situation.

The three men stared at you both as you stepped towards him, bodies too close for what they’d class as enemies. “Is anybody going to explain this?” Satoru muttered.

Sukuna rolled his eyes as he waited for your response, you didn’t think he’d actually be the one to give you your first tattoo, but you nodded never less. “Okay, but if you mess up I will stab you’ll

“If you’re into that, I don’t judge.” He chuckles as you jab your elbow into his chest, “give her the forms.”

Geto nodded as he passed you the forms you needed to fill out all three wanting to hear how the two of you had somehow become close, “don’t you three have plans?”

That’s when they realised why he had booked you in so late, all three had prior engagements and it’d leave you and him alone to your own devices. Satoru signed as he wanted to hear more but ended being dragged out by Nanami before Geto followed just as you handed the forms back to Sukuna

He remained shirtless as he took you to the back, locking the door of the reception to make sure nobody came in. He patted the seat gesturing for you to sit down as you looked hesitantly between the needles and the seat, “what you want to sit on my lap, will that make you feel better?”

“Shut up.” You muttered as you went to the black chair, instead feeling his grip on your wrist.

“What? Scared I’ll bite,” you hated how he teased you and instead of dismissing it and getting flushed you found yourself sitting right on his thigh, you could almost feel like much muscle he had under his joggers as your hand stayed on your own thighs.

He smirked seeing you shift your weight easily, “look at you, finally listening for once.”

“I listen.”

“No you don’t, now what are you thinking?” He passes the book with many designs from his coworkers scattering each page. You instantly went to his page, looking at all the intricate details of different types before you saw the designs of dragons as it breathed out fire. He watched you stare at it, finger gliding across it as he moved your hair to the side, head on your shoulder as he spoke, “you want a dragon.”

You nodded eagerly at the small design, as he put the book down and looked at you with soft eyes, “where do you want it?” You point to the top of your arm, the arm he had touched last night, the arm that still had his finger ingrained into your skin. His eyes flicked to your arm; you wore a long sleeve shirt as he knew you’d have to take it off to get right up to the top of your arm.

“This is a ploy to get me naked isn’t it.” You teased as you lifted your shirt above your head, Sukuna trying to say a word as now the two of you were shirtless in front of one another.

He tried to hide his smirk as he got the stencil ready for your arm, he knew it’d hurt, knew you’d want to grab onto something so why not grab onto him. “If I wanted to see you naked I wouldn’t do it here.”

Your eyes widened feeling the rubbing alcohol on your arm drip down to your wrist, “which one was your first?”

You changed the subject as he rubbed the area before grabbing the stencil that was to the side of you both, “the one on my finger.”

His other hand had moved the stencil up to your arm whilst your fingers grabbed his hand seeing the skull right on the edge of his right hand. “It’s pretty.”

“Yeah my parents hit me so hard after I got it done.” You chuckled lightly feeling his move his hand away from you, sad at his quick movement as you played with your own fingers. You felt the stencil being pulled away from your arm as you could see the small outline of a dragon and its fire across your arm. “Like it?”

You nodded eagerly as you watched him prepare the equipment you didn’t know what he was doing but admired each concentrated move that he had. Eyes widening when he looked up at you with a smirk having noticed your continuous looks at him, “don’t worry, it won’t hurt and if it does, tough.”

“And I thought you were going to be encouraging.” You mumble as you stare at your arm, the blue marks making your insides almost cave in at how scared you actually were.

He chuckled lightly just as he finished ready to start on the outline, he was almost glad it was just an outline with no shading knowing in an instant you’d be in much more pain. “You’ll be fine, I would tell you to hold my shirt but…you could always hold onto my thigh?”

“Just start.” You fidgeted on his thigh, legs swinging as you began hearing a low hum of a needle, feeling some other liquid go across the lines. He looked directly at you nodding to make sure you knew it was about to occur.

Your hands stayed on your lap as you felt the first mark take place, pain instantly rushing to that one spot as you grabbed his thigh, just close to where his crotch was. He dismissed how your hand was so close yet so far away from his cock instead asking if you were okay, after seeing you nod, he continued as the pain began to subdue. You couldn’t lie and say your eyes hadn’t begun watering because they had. You wiped it away with your other hand as you felt Sukuna move onto the fire part. You could never understand how he’d gone through the pain of all of his tattoos, the ones across his arm and chest, his fingers and back and most likely having some on his legs as well.

You watched how he’d occasionally look back at your gaze, see if you were doing fine with pain. Always giving him a reassuring look back to make sure he knew that you could handle it, you felt him finally relax as he the low hum stopped, your hand still on his thigh as he smiled at the design. He grabbed his phone from the side taking a picture of it before passing it for you to see yourself.

The small intricate details had done on the dragon was perfect, the way he had started to put stuff away whilst you still sat on him and the way you could still see your photos from last night in the corner. He hadn’t deleted them , kept them for some unknown reason and you definitely were not going to ask him why he still had the images.

“Let me dress it and bandage it for you.” You nodded but he remained still as you stared at the image, “I need you to get up, dumbass.”

“Sorry.” You mutter standing up and sitting on the actual chair, eyes staring at the details of it all. You had a tattoo and not just that it was a tattoo that Sukuna had designed and placed on you. It was something he was proud of, he watched you stare at his phone, probably unaware that it was on you and not just a picture.

Signing he grabbed the dressing and bandages, standing up to start wrapping it around your arm, you felt startled when his cold fingertips touched your arm. Putting his phone down as you saw the cling film around you, a redness coming from the tattoo, as he began telling you what to do every night and giving you some leaflet on it. “…don’t worry though I’ll text you to make sure you remember.”

“I’ll remember.” You put your shirt back on as you whined the comment out.

“I’ll text you to make sure you remember.” He repeats already knowing that you’d become too lazy to even bother to change the dressing every night.

“So mean.” You pout as he takes you back to the front, leaning against the counter as the dark sky stood out for the both of you to see, “so how much is it?”

You had already gotten your credit card out ready to pay for it, but his hand stopped you, “It’s free.”

“What? No, take the card.” You almost push your money onto him not wanting to take something for free. He takes the card before putting it right back into your arm, almost chucking it at you as he did, “Sukuna please just take it.”

“No.”

“I will never talk to you again if you don’t take it.”

“Okay.” You both glared at one another in silence waiting for one of you to crack, it just had to be you, however.

“I hate you.”

He crossed his arms smirking as he came round to the front leaning against the counter, “no you don’t.”

“Yes I do.” He cocks his head to the side, you watch as each of his muscles tense up as he looks down to you, his face coming closer and closer each time. Hand moving to hold the side of your face, as you looked up at him.

“You can pay me back another way.” He whispers softly as his lips brushed against your own, feeling a hungry need to kiss him, his other hand had moved to your waist ready to bring you closer to him.

You felt his hot breath hit your lips, the way he licked his lips with a hunger, your face moving closer as he moved his hands moved to his shoulders to meet his eyeline. He felt pushed against the counter as he leant against it watching how you moved one of your fingers to his jaw caressing his face as you looked down between his eyes and mouth. Before finally moving your finger, mouth ready to kiss his own before both being startled by the buzz of the door opening.

“Sukuna.” It was a voice you had recognised prior, as you turned to be met with Sukuna’s twin brother.

Sukuna looked between you and his brother, signing at how this had been the third time he had been cockblocked. All he wanted to do was kiss you, was to take you out, call you his but it felt like the universe had had other plans.

“What?”

You stood between the two of them as his twin stared at you, “Mum said to come and drop this off.” He showed a bag with what looked like some old clothes, you didn’t question it instead smiling at the boy. “You’re the girl from a couple weeks back.”

“Hi, yeah I’m Y/n.” You put your hand out as his twin takes it, Sukuna rolling his eyes as he grabbed the old clothes, he looked between the clothes before finding what he was looking for. It was something you recognised, as you let go of the boy's hand.

“Itadori.” You nodded as the boy looked confused as the two of you stared at the old shirt, he eyes you up and down almost admiring how you looked so sweet and sexy at the same time.

“I told you I had it,” Sukuna chuckled as he showed you the old retro Pokémon shirt he owned, it was old, something a 13-year-old wore and not a grown ass man. You had remembered a conversation the two of you had had earlier on last week where he had rambled on about how he loved Pokémon and had the biggest crush on Jessie which you never understood.

“It’s still a lame character to simp over.” He had been pointing to the destroyed Jessie as Itadori felt uncomfortable invading on a private moment between the two of you.

“Anyway, nice to meet you, Sukuna suck a dick, later.” He walked back out of the store as Sukuna gave him the finger before turning back to you, he knew the moment had been ruined but a hungry need had erupted at how he needed to have you. He had seen how Itadori had stared and watched the closeness of you both, had looked you up and down, looked at what was his with a look of hunger.

Sukuna, grabbed his shirt quickly putting it on before grabbing the bag and your hand in his other, “where are we going?”

You questioned as he locked the place up before grabbing your wrist once more and dragging you to his car. “Back to mine.”

“Wh…” He had thrown the bag in the car and pushed your back against the door, hands trapping you as he moved closer and closer to you, making you seem ever so small to him. He smirked as he interrupted, hand grabbing your jaw as he gave you a sadistic grin.

“Nobody looks at what’s mine and sweetheart…you’re now mine.” Your breath hitched as his other hand grabbed your waist arching you into the car as his lips found its way onto your own.

The kiss he had craved for so long occurred in a matter of seconds, your hands moving to his hair as you tugged at the pink locks. Your moans making his head spin as his tongue divulged into your own, gliding back and forth with your own, he brought your body even closer to his own. Mouths craving one another as you had gotten the kiss you had only dreamt about. Saliva dripped down your jaw as he let go off, thumb wiping it away as he looked at you with almost hungry eyes.

“I’m taking you back to mine and making every single fucking person know that you’re mine, okay baby.” He hand moved to your jaw grabbing a hold of it as he was waiting for an answer, waiting to hear the yes he craved.

“Okay Sakun…”

“Try again.” He moved your mouth to skim past his lips again, already seeing how much you craved to feel his lips once more as you tried to reach his own.

You took a sharp breath as you spoke to give him the power he wanted, “yes sir.”

“Good girl, get in the car.” His words were quick as you found yourself quickly entering not knowing what had gotten between the two of you as soon as he stepped inside the car, his hand rested on your thigh as he quickly drove out to get to his apartment.

A quick - most likely over the speed limit - journey later, his hand on your back made your insiders quiver at the sensation of what was to occur. Once you both began walking past the elevator, the tense atmosphere you both had gone through in the elevator having not helped, you found yourself finally getting the confidence to speak.

“Are we…”

He interrupted you as he finally unlocked the door, pushing you through as you felt yourself pressed against the inside of his apartment. His lips moving across your neck as he spoke the words you had needed to hear from the beginning, “you aren’t some fuck, you’re mine.”

“I…I don’t want to disappoint you.” You breathed out after thinking hard, his lips left your neck as he looked into those deep eyes of yours. Pools of lust and love cascading down as he couldn’t help but bring his two hands to cup your face.

“You would never disappoint me baby, after I’m done stuffing you full of me, I’ll prove to you just how much you mean to me.” His voice was a quiet whisper as he kissed you once again, your hands quickly kissing him back as he continued to press you against the door. Hands roaming your body as he brought comfort and love to every part of you.

His lips left your own as he kissed down your neck, hands moving to your thighs to bring you up as you wrapped your legs around his waist. Watching how you arched your neck for him, as he bit and sucked at your neck wary to not harm your arm as he walked towards his room.

Pushing you in as he threw you onto the bed, taking his shirt off as his arms moved to the side of your body. A predator ready to hunt down his prey, his hand went under your chin making you look up at him as he spoke, “I’m going to make you call me yours by the end of the night, sweetheart, make that pretty cunt drip with me in you.”

He smoothed your hair before moving his hands to your side, watching you nod at his actions. His fingers moving your shirt above your head. Even if you had been exposed to him previously, it felt a lot more intimate now, his hungry eyes wanting to encase every essence of you. “So pretty.” He mumbled as he unhooked your bra letting your tits perk up to the exposed air.

He watched how your face became flushed, as his hands roamed across his chest and stomach, leaving soft kisses down your body as your fingers outlined his tattoos. “Sir…I want you,” your whine made Sukuna look up, his mouth had salivated your nipples as a trail of spit led from his bottom lip to your hard nipple.

“Keep begging,” his words were harsh as he went back to sucking on your nipples, a need for his hardened cock to divulge right into your wet slick filled cunt made you frustrated.

“Pleas…sir,” you moaned as he bit at your nipple, watching how you arch your back into his skin, “I need you.”

“Stupid slut, can’t live without my cock, right?” He swirled his tongue against your nipple as his hands had moved your jeans down, eyes fixated on the way your pretty cunt had been covered.

“I can…’t.” Your whines filled his apartment as he moved his mouth across your stomach, feeling how your hands had moved into his hair, tugging at the strands to go lower. His teeth gripped the fabric as he pulled it down instantly seeing the slick having dampened your underwear. He pulled it away, chucking it onto his desk as his mouth instantly met your clit, spreading your legs to beside his body.

Licking and sucking at the folds that divulged into your cunt, your moans filled the room as one of his hands began kneading at your breasts, mouth covered in slick. “Mo…more.”

He listened to your babbling whines, moving his tongue right into your cunt, his other hands moving to your clit as he rubbed circles with his thumb. You arched your back as soon as you felt his tongue glide through your warm cunt, he could taste the coating of slick run down his tongue mixing with his saliva. It wasn’t common for Sukuna to go down on girls, he knew most of his one-night stands had been ones of getting sucked off and then fucking them. He couldn’t tell you the last time he had gone down on a girl, but the way you gripped at his hair, pushed him further. He knew you would be the only girl he’d ever go down on, with your swollen clit and folds that were encased in slick.

How could he not resist?

His tongue continued to lap inside your cunt, your moans for his tongue to go deeper as the bridge of his nose touched his fingers, he moved his slick covered fingers across your nipples before sticking his fingers right into your warm mouth. You easily took the two fingers sucking and wrapping your tongue around them. Sukuna knew why he was eating you out, he wanted you to feel pleasure, he wanted you to know you had his undivided attention, that he was the only man to make you feel good.

You felt a knot in your stomach already feeling cum start to gush down right into his mouth, he could sense it as his tongue movement became faster, rougher even, your moaning making his ever-growing cock become painfully hard. “Cum in my mouth.” He mumbled through his licks, on command white gushed from your cunt as he mouth was coated in a wet white liquid.

He looked up at you as his mouth remained near your cunt, his fingers moved from mouth as he licked his lips wiping the rest of the cum on his arm as he watched your dazed expression. He moved up, kneeling between your spread legs as he moved down to capture your lips, you could taste yourself on his mouth, his mouth sucking at your tongue as he moved his mouth down your neck. Giving a long lick across your jaw and down to your collarbone, “want me to stuff you now baby, make you full.”

“Ye…yes sir.” He couldn’t help but admire your expression, the way your eyes were eager as your hands moved to his joggers, already seeing his hard cunt ready for you. Mouth watering as he pulled his joggers away, his muscled thighs that could crush you in an instant between your dripping cunt as his bulge was more evident.

He couldn’t help but stop and stare as he took his boxers off, seeing how pretty you looked with the dishevelled her and look of admiration. The girl he had spilt coffee on was underneath him, begging to be filled with his cock. He couldn’t help but feel cock as his cock was in his hands, pumping his hand lazily around it before moving it across your clit and slick. “Please…put it in me.”

He smirked at your whines before aligning his cock right into your core, he brought both your legs up between his arms and chest as he stayed between your spread legs. “You want to be my good girl.”

“Ye…yes I’ll be your good girl,” at the sound of this his cock instantly pushed into your cunt, “Agh S…ir.”

Your breathing had become heavy as he groaned at the feeling of your cunt, “so tight, pretty girl.”

His hands had moved onto the bed as he encased your face, each thrust making you moan, your hands on his back, scratching against his many tattoos as he brought his face closer to your own. “You’re so fucking perfect.”

His words hit you as you looked into his eyes, love pooling from them as you kissed him slowly, each thrust becoming softer and slower as he kept a steady rhythm as you finally spoke the words he had needed to hear. “I…like you Sukuna.”

“Ryo, call me Ryo.” He whispered as he kissed your jaw, each thrust making you whine into his ear as something in your heart felt full at his allowance to let you call him a name he had been adamant against, he continued with more comforting words of, “you’re everything to me.”

His words were comforting, he would never understand why he had been such a cunt to you at the beginning. But being deep inside of you, the trust you had for him as both your foreheads touched, his eyes flashing with love against your own. It must have been fate that brought you both together on that windy night, he didn’t know what else it could be.

The full moon shone through the window, each thrust sending you a shock of love and comfort as he could feel how your legs twitched beside his own. He kissed you one last time feeling your second orgasm come through as he sloppily continued to fuck you, he saw how tears welled up in your eyes. He wiped them with his hand kissing your cheek as your hands remained around his body as he rode his own orgasm out. Your cunt stuffed and filled with his cum as he kept his cock inside of you, looking into your eyes, head resting against your chest. As he heard your heavy breathing one of your hands moving to caress his pink hair as you both stayed like this.

He would never know how this moment occurred, but he did know that the prettiest most annoying girl he had ever met was underneath him and he finally understood what paradise really was like.

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blzzrdstryr · 3 years

Text

Moth into flame. Yandere!Kaeya x gn!reader

Wordcount: 4k

A.N: It’s very self-indulgent, but I had this idea for 2 weeks now and needed to get it out. I’ve never written fanfiction and I am not a native speaker, so bear with me.

CW: Violence, unhealthy relationship

For as long as you know Kaeya, he feels different from other people. Odd in the way that empty alleyways and dark rooms are odd, a sense of barely concealed danger lurking underneath the layers of charm and friendliness. You always felt his darker nature, but never questioned it before - you are an adventurer after all, the danger is your thrill.

He must have known that you aren’t particularly repulsed by this side of him, as his friendly facade morphed into something darker right in front of you for a couple of times. You doubt a liar and an actor as skilled as he is would make such amateurish mistakes.

No, he can’t be ignorant about how his more ominous part is what makes your veins sing from the strange mix of fascination and fear. That must be why he kept flashing his less amiable side, enticing you further in his grasp, and you gladly took step after step in the carefully crafted trap he prepared just for you.

How could you not? Kaeya is charming and dangerous, like wildfire and you are nothing but a moth, too blinded by his light to stop and just think.

And now, seeing an irrefutable, but faux proof of the crimes you didn’t commit in his hands, you feel it - how searing his casual coldness can be. Right now, Kaeya Alberich is no human in your heart, he is a small piece of abyss that made its way out of Khaenri’ahn ruins to drag you down the cosmic darkness, where you possibly truly belong.

***

Kaeya both loves and hates your first meeting and he avoids reminiscing about it. It sounds strange, right?

Back then he was still a part of Ragnvindr household and Diluc treated him like a brother, and maybe that is a small part of a reason why he feels such aversion to recalling it - those memories are tinted both by fond nostalgia and bitter loss, enough to make him itch for a bottle in his hand.

Both Kaeya and you were green rookies - a knight fresh from training and a beginner adventurer, accidentally teaming up against a gang of treasure hoarders. It all ended up with both of you victorious, but injured. Kaeya helped you to walk back to Monstadt as one of the criminal's bolts wounded your leg, enough to make you wince from pain at every step.

In the middle of the trail he suddenly grew bored from your barely suppressed pained expressions and soft pants, no matter how cute they were to him, and decided to carry you, just like the groom would carry his bride. He quipped and joked about it, as he made his way to the city's general direction, and you laughed and made some witty remarks in return.

At the moment he didn't think too much of it - you were another adventurer in his eyes back then, a cute, but insignificant passerby in his life and he was just playing a role of gallant knight in shiny armor. Give it a week or two and he would forget your face and your name.

But he didn't.

Just as you were approaching city gates, a miracle happened - red vision materialized right in your hands. You clutched it tightly to the chest, a bright smile appearing on your face. You turned your head to Kaeya, and he could have swore you were using your newly acquired Pyro on him.

How else could he feel so warm inside all of a sudden?

He couldn't help but recall your smile for weeks after that.

***

Your second meeting happened when you were returning to Mondstadt after your first long expedition. Shortly after the word of your Pyro vision reached Cyrus' ears, he was dead set on sending you to Dragonspine to help other adventurers. You were hesitant at first, but then your natural thirst for thrill combined with a hefty pay he promised won over you, and here you were - carrying several stacks of starsilver, absolutely exhausted and frozen to the very bones walking back to Mondstadt.

To say that you were unprepared would be an understatement of the year - even with pyro vision the cold seemed absolutely unbearable and to make matters worse you almost had a run in with a frostarm lawachurl. To avoid hopeless fight, you had to hide behind the tall snowdrift, almost submerging your body in it, as you both admired and dreaded the ice cladden giant.

Nonetheless, you acquired all of the starsilver the adventure guild needed, and now you trekked through the forest as the sun started to set.

Straining your eyes to see through the heavy rain and approaching darkness you saw it - a bright red smudge against the dark tree bark and unmistakable scent of blood. Such stark contrasts were enough to shake off the tiredness. You slowly made your way to the source of the stench, both fearing and anticipating what may reveal itself to your curious eyes.

There was a silhouette of an injured man that started to slowly morph into a vaguely familiar figure as you got closer. Seeing that there was no threat, you threw your ore to the ground and ran to the unconscious person. It was that knight who helped you to defeat treasure hoarders, Kaeya.

He looked horrible - his normally rich bronze skin now looked ashen and grey from the bloodloss, the face that radiated smugness seemed as if it already belonged on the corpse, the blue vest that he was wearing dyed almost completely in purple from the bloodloss, but the most horrible thing was a shallow but wide gash on his chest.

Not wasting any second, you pulled out your trusty dagger, and sliced the vest to inspect the wound. As you pulled obstructing cloth away you noticed another detail - small burns, surrounding the gash, as if someone slashed Kaeya with something hot enough to scorch, but not hot enough to close the wound and most unexpectedly, faintly glowing blue orb. A cryo vision.

You sat on your knees to put his vision in your pocket and clean his wounds. It still bled, as you frantically searched for a way to close it your eyes fell on the small burns around the wound and suddenly a crazy idea popped up in your head.

With shaking hands you used a piece of sliced vest to muffle him and prevent Kaeya from accidentally biting his tongue off, and then you took the dagger again heating it up. You heard about cauterization from older adventurers, but hoped that you wouldn’t resort to using it.

Kaeya’s pained groans were muffled by the makeshift gag, yet it wasn’t enough to wake him. After you made sure that his bleeding stopped, you removed your outerwear and wrapped Kaeya up. You cursed, as you hoisted a heavier body on your back, an exhaustion you have forgotten moments ago hitting you with a renewed strength.

The path to the Mondstadt with a new burden on your back now felt ten times longer. Even if you two were barely an acquaintance, a cold coil of fear for Kaeya's life still set in the pit of your stomach, and it seemed that no amount of fire would make you feel warm again.

***

Waking up in the infirmary was one of the biggest surprises in Kaeya’s life.

There were times when he was sure of his imminent death - an abandoned shivering child all alone in the forest, a stranger in the strange land, a prince of nothing with the weight of the whole dying kingdom left on his shoulders; a rainy night reeking of death and loss, grief and fury burning him just as much as incandescent claymore, rapidly growing pool of bright red blood, just as red as a…

Kaeya was okay with dying - it would be a nice ending to his story. The dead saviour of an already dead nation, an outlander casted out from the only semblance of home he had. He liked the irony.

He could have asked for help right after the duel, calling out that person’s name, he knew that that person wouldn’t leave him if he was dying, but the possibility of seeing hatred in those eyes was too much for him. The second a fiery blade cut through his flesh was when Kaeya decided to die.

And honestly, he couldn't continue to live once he confirmed what kind of a monster he is - the first thing he felt when he saw Crepus Rangvindr, a person who took him in, kept him fed, warm, safe and clothed all these years, a person who loved him more than his own father did, slowly disintegrating under the strain of delusion Kaeya felt no sadness. No, a relief, as if he was freed of a tiresome burden came instead.

Kaeya was disgusted and horrified for even experiencing such feelings in the first place, but he also couldn't do anything with it - for the last few years he was torn apart between Mondstadt and his homeland, and Crepus’ death should have solved his internal dilemma, driving the final nail in the coffin.

Sometimes he felt as if he was no person at all, just an abyssal creature that took on a human form and was allowed to live only to be unleashed on Teyvat. The time at Khaenri’ah was something that stuck with him for the rest of his life - the fear and resignation he experienced there heavily imprinted on his brain.

Every once in a while he had impulses to lie, to hurt and do as he pleases, for a long time he stopped these urges at the root, maintaining the illusion of normalcy he built for Ragnvindr household. He knew it was from Khaenri’ah, a cursed nation of sinners with all of its glorious legacy lost to the sands of time. Immoral impulses were something that would have helped him to survive among the endless darkness that surrounded god-forsaken place.

“Ugh”, he tried to get up, to shake intrusive and self-deprecating thoughts away, but failed. Pain, like melted iron, slowly spread from his chest to the points of his fingers in a second. Even breathing was hard - his entire body ached and burned, a shaking hand slowly touched bandaged torso. Alberich winced as he remembered why exactly it was aching.

“Sir Kaeya, you are already awake! Please, don’t move.”, pretty but forgettable nun fussed over him, rechecking his bandages and then taking out a foul smelling medicine. She made Kaeya drink it all. He still cringing from the bitter taste, half sat on the bed, leaning on the headrest, tried to flash her his most charming smile and asked:

“Do you know how I got there?”, it seemed his charms did work on the girl, as she started to describe the previous night in great detail: what she was doing prior to his arrival, how dark the sky was, how worried she was when she saw his battered body, how exhausted the adventurer and guards that delivered him looked.

“Do you happen to know the adventurer’s name? I would like to say my thanks once I get better”

“Oh, it was [First], I think, but I am not sure. I believe I saw a pyro vision” Kaeya slid in the lying position again, as he remembered you, his first and only crush. Half buried feelings ignited in his chest with a renewed vigor.

Seeing that Kaeya paid her no mind, the nun headed to the exit of the infirmary, but right before she left she turned to Kaeya again, saying that you will visit him tomorrow.

****

Just as you thought Kaeya was conscious today. After you managed to carry him back to Mondstadt, worried but distrustful guards at city gates took away your load and delivered him to the Church of Favonius. You insisted at coming with them, still anxious for Kaeya’s life. Nuns almost showed you out of the infirmary and you, defeated, had to go home.

The next day you spent looking for the abandoned starsilver, thoughts occupied both by Kaeya and the payment Cyrus promised. Fortunately, the stacks lied right where you discarded them and after a quick trip back to the adventurer's guild, you had nothing to do - weekly commissions done days prior, so you decided to spend some time inside the city for once.

As you navigated the city square you felt the tense mood that hung in the air, Mondstadt usually cheerful and carefree now seemed uncharacteristically gloomy. You later learned that the local wine tycoon, Crepus Ragnvindr, died in the accident and his son and young the youngest captain in history of Ordo Favonius, Diluc, left the city and abandoned the knights.

Despite spending almost all of your time outside the city gates, even you were aware of the city's happenings and certainly heard about two dashing young gentlemen. Kaeya was rumored to be a foreign orphan taken in by Crepus and Diluc as you remembered is a claymore swinging pyro user - a picture of Kaeya’s injuries came to mind. Scattered details started to slowly gather into a sound theory.

A fight after Crepus' death(was accident Kaeya’s fault?), that resulted in Diluc abandoning the knights(Are knights also at fault?).

You quickly brushed it off, as theorizing without the concrete evidence was one of the biggest mistakes one could make. So instead of building baseless speculations, you decided to visit one of the key people, Kaeya. Occupied by your thoughts and curiosity, the travel to the church seemed almost momentarily.

Stepping in the infirmary you were hit with a strong bitter scent of the medicine, but Kaeya sitting on the bed seemed fine, if not a bit tired. He was reading a book, but put it aside as he noticed you and gave you a warm smile.“I remember you, [First], you were the one who saved me I was told. Seems I should make it up to you”

“No need for it, you were dying”, you head to him, a hand searching for the vision in the travelling bag. His smile doesn’t drop, even when a somewhat awkward silence hangs around you. Finally, you exclaim: “I found a vision near you, and kept it so it doesn’t get lost or anything”.

“Oh, that’s a surprise, give it to me” the vision in his hands glows alive with a gentle blue light, a small ice shard forming between his fingers and you find yourself holding your breath. Kaeya looks less impressed than you, a strange emotion written on his face,as he looks from the blue orb, to the ice, to your amazed face.

“It may sound rude, but do you remember who injured you?” Kaeya doesn’t appear phased, slowly blinking, a confusion written on his face, as he looks up in contemplation. “Hm, no, can’t remember anything” You shift a little, disappointment not reaching your face. Was Kaeya lying or not?

“I hope I didn’t mess up your adventuring schedule” Kaeya murmured, leaning a little closer to you.

“No. I planned on spending a week inside the city. Why do you ask?”

“Well” he smirks, “maybe a brave and strong adventurer will lend a hand to poor injured me and”, you felt your face slowly heating up “escort me to Good Hunter, the food here is abysmal and maybe your company and decent meal will clear my head a little”

Only a day later you realized that it was your first date.

***

Kaeya likes challenges, and maybe that is a reason why he’s so drawn to you - you’re smart, just not people-smart, and you have enough intuition to guide you away from the schemes and plans he tries to pull off. Of course, he wouldn’t risk your life or general wellbeing - he likes your presence far too much to do that - but the possible less savory reactions he could gauge out of you were too alluring to miss out - frustration, fear, anger.

Alberich is frustrated - a hunger that was ignited by you grew greater and greater with each day - he wants to see so much of you, see you in pain, see you helpless, see you defeated. Would you cry, would you yell, would you curse at him?

He tried to resist it in the beginning - just as he did when he was still a part of Ragnvindr family - but he failed. Maybe, Diluc’s dismissal of him and abandonment was something that broke Kaeya in the way that Khaenri’ah couldn’t. That rainy day he learned one lesson - everyone leaves, and Kaeya didn’t doubt that you would too.

You are an adventurer after all, as free as a wind. It’s just pure luck that someone as curious and thrill-seeking as you hasn't moved to the other nations in search of excitement.

Kaeya feels threatened.

Over the years, you both fell in the comfortable, but vague place between friendship and something-more-than-friendship,a status quo of sorts. You were a loner at heart - fine with keeping almost everyone at arm’s length and Kaeya, to his disappointment, found that even his charms wouldn’t bend your will.

He could see how uncomfortable yet excited you got, when he showed his less considerate side - when he arrested and fought criminals, when he pulled off his complex plans, when he turned and twisted the words of others to make them scream and writhe and beg. Oh, of course you tried to hide it, your face becoming akin to a mask of stone, but there were other tells - the shine in your eyes, the body language and accelerated breath.

Kaeya also knew what an excitement glutton you are - there is a flame inside of you, needing to consume and devour new tastes, sights, adventures and mysteries. You are predictable in that way, he has a gut feeling that you are wary of him, but the promise of a new enigmatic crime that needs your assistance is almost always enough to lure you back into his arms.

And now he has a new problem at hands - his failed plan. Months of subtle work and manipulation led and were supposed to build up your feelings for this. A public love confession, both sudden and extravagant. Kaeya thought that someone as awkward as you, would cave in under the pressure he would put you through by making his love public.

However you didn’t, even if some, if not most of the onlookers gasped in the shocked disappointment - Kaeya was sure that you two looked like a would-be-couple to the observer’s eye. You stuttered some apologies, hid your face and almost ran away from him.

It grates on Kaeya’s nerves in a special way, annoyance slowly building up. Fortunately, he has a strategy to relieve it, by methodically destroying it’s source.

***

“Thank you, let’s do the next commissions together” you wave goodbye to the fellow adventurer, missing an indiscernible look cavalry captain gives both of you.

Only when the said adventurer leaves, does Kaeya step out of the shadow, his single eyes wholly focused on you. After the confession you started to purposefully avoid him - something that Kaeya thought was possible, but didn’t entertain it enough.

Seeing him is what almost sends you to retreat - relationships are messy, especially after failed public confessions, there’s too much burden now and you never felt the desire to work on any of them leaving everything to take its course. Instead, you stand there, enduring his cold gaze and warm smile, hit by a sudden realization of how childish your thoughts are.

Kaeya must have taken your passiveness as an invitation, as his hand snakes around your shoulder, throwing you off your internal monologue. “[First], I have an interesting case again” he leans in, his breath tickling your neck, “and I need an assistant again, the pay will be like last time”.

In spite of your current discomfort you almost space out, body habitually relaxing near him. “What the thing about?” the cases that Kaeya involves you in are always bizarre and something never seen before, a mystery awaiting to be solved.

He begins describing it to you - a strange string of deaths of young adventurers, all of whom were visionless and most curiously they all died off duty. Young men and women did their commissions, plunged in the domains and fought with monsters, but died inside the city walls, inside their houses and beds, surrounded by safety and comfort.

Kaeya shares that his informant found a hearsay that there were some interesting potions on the black market and he needs you to infiltrate as a visionless adventurer and buy potions, as much as possible.

This evening you leave the city, your heart full of trust for Kaeya, even if your relationship did take a colder turn.

***

You, as Kaeya predicted, still believed him. Alberich almost felt bad for exploiting and twisting your trust in him , but as he supposed there was nothing more he could do with himself. Your visage filled his head day and nights, sometimes he even daydreamed about the life he would have with you. It would be delightful - to have you underneath his thumb, ready for any whim and perversion he could come up with.

He came to the Angel’s share and ordered a glass of wine, ignoring judgemental stare Diluc pointed at him. He could almost hear Ragnvindr saying “already” and calling Knights inefficient and lazy drunkards. Kaeya happily took a sip of the liquid - all of his plans always carried an element of risk, so the cavalry captain felt a bit agitated. What if you don’t touch the potions? What if the gang will escape with them?

Nevertheless, if you did touch it or not wouldn’t really matter, as catching you red-handed was more important. He needed to make you look guilty - you worked with him unofficially, which meant that no one knew about it, not even Vile. Sure no one would take your word over his, even if you left significant evidence of your innocence, after all a lot of knights are weak to bribes.

He almost hummed, as he imagined things he would do to you once you were imprisoned and completely in his power. He, of course, would save you from the dank dark cell, finding an “overlooked” detail, but not before breaking and molding you a little.

Finishing his wine, he went to the knight’s headquarters, to request the assistance of other knights in the arrest of a dangerous criminal, a spring evident in his step.

***

It was treasure hoarders again, you silently cursed, while dodging one of the attacks. You weren’t the best actor and within the minutes they exposed you. Fighting among the fragile vials wasn’t the best idea, so you moved the fight to the outside. Once they all run after you, you jump over them, raining a constant stream of fire over them. Some of them started to scream, a pure agony written on their face.

Some of the hoarders used a hidden gas bomb, submerging the whole place in smoke and using it to run away. You didn’t run after them, and headed inside instead. There was a significant change: some of the vials that contained transparent liquid now were bright red. You took one of them in and gasped - it felt so warm in your hands - and then you recognized your own elemental energy.

Out of curiosity you reached for the “uncontaminated” one, the colorless liquid rapidly bloomed with scarlet red, as your vision came to life without your command. Was it that deadly potion that Kaeya talked about? You felt how it sucked some of the pyro energy from you, then it must transmit collected energy to its consumer. No wonder all of those adventurers died - without a vision their bodies weren’t used to receiving and processing such amounts of elemental energy.

You tried to take the vials with the “clear” potion, but no matter what you did all of them got dyed in red the second you stood a little closer. Sighing in defeat you collected ones contaminated with your energy and prepared to head back to Mondstadt. You needed to warn Kaeya to take some regular knights with him if Albedo needed samples for analysis.

Suddenly there was a sound of several people running up to you, a Favonius armor coming into the sight. You almost smiled as you saw Kaeya, happy that he decided to help you, until you heard it: “Arrest them!”

#yandere genshin impact #yandere kaeya #yandere genshin x reader #yandere kaeya x reader #Kaeya x reader #Yandere genshin impact x reader #Yandere genshin #Yandere #Kaeya #my writing

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sideblogformindtrash · 3 years

Note

Blue tell Orfeu about the games and IF, he maybe will help you or get angry

CW: Cyberbully; pet whump; dehumanization; fear of punishment; threats; implied torture;

Blue approached Orfeu, shivering. It didn’t want to do this. It was scared Orfeu would get angry - Orfeu was terrifying when he was - or even forbid Blue from playing. Master had told Blue before - it’s okay to play, but don’t let them know it’s you.

Blue had been receiving a lot of hate ever since it started playing. It couldn’t read, so it didn’t care, although Haru would sometimes tell it what they were. Just the fanbase, mad that it was a better player than IF. Sometimes, there were nice messages there too. Blue liked those. Blue made friends!

But… Now that they knew it was a pet, and Blue, IF’s old pet that they always loved to torture… Things took a turn for worse.

It wasn’t just written messages. People were sending it videos and audio, telling it in detail, all they wanted to do with it. They had searched through videos too, screenshots of the worst of Blue’s moments, all scattered through it’s inbox, and threats of finding it and making it live through it again.

Sometimes… People would send it videos of other pets too. It was worse. Blue knew what was on its own videos, it had been there. But these poor pets… had nothing to do with Blue. It was hard to watch it. Blue felt sick, it didn’t even want to play for a bit.

But it was determined to make IF’s streams hell. It needed help to deal with this. Haru couldn’t, he said it was too much for him and suggested Master. Blue didn’t want to at first, and thank god Haru wasn’t a snitch, but… Now Blue needed it.

“Hey baby” Orfeu smiled, approaching and inclining a little, as he always did when trying to appear smaller, non threatening. It never really worked “...Are you okay?”

Blue slowly shook its head. Orfeu nodded, sitting back on the couch and tapping at his side. Blue sat, if anything, because it wasn’t sure its legs would sustain it.

"It's okay. You can talk to me. I promise I won’t be angry” Orfeu started, after Blue failed to speak “...I’ll do everything I can to help you”

Blue nodded, quietly brushing its hands through Bonnie’s fur. It needed a little more time to speak.

This used to be easier. Confessing its mistakes and bad behavior was… A requirement. The only acceptable action after being bad, was confessing and asking for punishment. Blue did it a lot with IF and Warren, and it wasn’t sure why it was so hard to do it now.

Maybe Master had been so kind it had spoiled it.

“...Blue was… Wa-was playing… W-w-with old, old Master the, the o-other day...” It closed its eyes, taking a deep breath. It would be okay. At the very least, there wouldn’t be pain “...And… And Blue… B-blue s-spoke on the, the voice chat… And… Now… Now they are… Se-sending Blue bad… bad stuff”

“Oh, Blue…” Orfeu pulled it closer, softly petting its head “...I was worried that might happen. Wish you’d have told me sooner”

“S-sorry…”

“...It’s okay. I’m glad you told me now. We can think of a solution. What are they sending you?”

“...T-threats and… s-saying what they’d do to B-blue if… If Blue was… was theirs and… And… videos… And things…” It sniffed, swallowing the sobs “Of Blue and… and o-other pets…”

He could see Master thinking, the way he tapped his fingers on the sofa’s arm, staring blankly ahead…

“P-please B-blue still w-w-ants to play! P-please B-b-blue is, is, still wants to, to play and, and likes it, and… Just… Please don’t for-forbid Blue from playing, please?”

“...I’m not going to” Orfeu shushed “...Although maybe you should avoid multiplayer- “

“NO! P-please!” Blue sunk it’s face on Orfeu’s chest. That’s what he was scared of “B-b-blue still… wants to… to do it…”

Orfeu nodded, rubbing circles on his back.

“...Alright. If you are sure about that, we can think of something. For now, let’s get those messages blocked, I guess” Orfeu stood up, offering it a hand “...And Blue, you are safe here. I promise. I’ll personally hunt down every single one of them if I have to”

Blue nodded, quietly. It kind of doubted Master could, but hearing it was reassuring.

#blue needs a tag #orfeu and haru #command prompt #command prompt game

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avidreider · 4 years

Text

Journals Part 1 ~ flatline (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Journals Series

Based on the song, “Flatline” by Justin Bieber.

Summary: Spencer is physically and emotionally distant and Reader decides that she won’t tolerate it anymore.

Pairing: (Pre-Prison) Spencer Reid x Reader.

CW: angst, cursing.

Key: Y/N = your name, italicized = unspoken thoughts, bold = texts/emails/notes, bold + italicized = song lyrics.

-- I do not own rights to the gif nor the song. --

When you and Spencer first started dating, you couldn’t have been happier if you tried. He was always so attentive and caring and all of your previous relationship trauma and insecurities melted away. He had been rather transparent about the fact that he came with a past of traumatic experiences of his own, but he refused to weigh you down with the details of all that baggage. His friends vaguely explained that he suffered from addiction and lost a past girlfriend at the hands of an unsub. However, you never discussed any of this with Spencer. Regardless, you assured him that you would stand by him no matter what.

Your relationship progressed somewhat quickly, but it was because the feelings you had for each other ran so deep. You didn’t get to spend much time with him - you were a medical resident and the nature of Spencer’s job significantly limited your time together. You dedicated large chunks of time to your own job, though, so you never complained about how much time he spent with the BAU.

You did begin to complain, however, when he would leave in the middle of the night for ‘work,’ but then you’d get a call from Penelope or Emily asking you two what you were up to on an evening off. The first time it happened, you assumed that he just needed a break after a long case. But the second, third, and fourth time you became quite insecure. And this night, the fifth time, you felt the anger before anything else.

“Sorry, baby, but I have to head into work. They need me,” Spencer had said to you, as he walked into the bathroom to get ready. You were immediately suspicious, so you called Emily to confirm your suspicions.

“Hello? You okay, Y/N?” she said when she answered on the second ring.

“Yes, Em, I’m fine! How are you?”

“I’m okay. I think Morgan, Garcia, and I are gonna go out for some drinks if you and Reid would like to come!”

You felt your eyebrows shoot up, even though you weren’t necessarily surprised. “I’ll discuss it with him. Thanks for the invite!” and with that, you hung up.

“So Spence, what’s the case that has you rushing off at 11pm?”

“Oh, we won’t know until we get there,” he responded.

“That’s so unfair that they’re making you work, especially when half the team is out clubbing,” you spat, daring him to deny the truth that you already knew.

When he said nothing, you inquired, “This isn’t the first time that you have said you had to go work when you didn’t. So what is going on? Did you fall off the wagon? Is there another woman? Did you lose the feelings you had for me?”

“No, Y/N, God -- how can you think that I’ve been doing drugs?”

“That wasn’t the only thing that I asked you, Spence.”

“I have been going into the office to help JJ with the backlog of paperwork that she has to deal with. I also go there just to clear my head. I don’t want to just sit around here with you when I can’t focus on you. I don’t want to bring my work or other problems home with me -- I want to keep this apartment a happy place.”

“Oh Spence, it’s our apartment. Of course it’s a happy place. I don’t want you to feel like you have to face your demons alone. If there is anything you want to talk about, I am here for you. I love you, babe, and your problems are my problems,” you assured, as your rubbed soothing circles onto his back.

He hugged you back, and a few moments passed before he spoke again. “I don’t want my problems to end up being your problems, Y/N. You are so incredible, and-and I’m sorry, don’t take this the wrong way, but I just need some space.”

Your mouth was wide with shock. Space? How could you take that in the ‘right’ way? How could he ask you for space when you only spent a few short hours with him in the span of a week? Your residency takes up between 40-80 of those hours, and his job usually takes up more than that. You also make a conscious effort to spend time with his friends and your friends, as well as designate time for yourselves. You practice self-care or go to the gym, while he sits at his desk and reads, or writes letters to his mother. When you do spend time together, you rarely argue. You snuggle as he reads to you, or talks about his cases (and you talk about your day at the hospital), you watch your favorite television shows, or you’re asleep. You thought that you had the perfect relationship. But apparently Spencer didn’t agree.

“I’m just gonna go out and get drinks with Emily, Derek, and Penelope. You can come if you want, but otherwise, just enjoy your ‘space,’“ you said, with a snarky emphasis on the last word. And with that, you got dressed and walked out the door.

You stumble back into your apartment early the next morning, and end up passing out on the couch. When you wake up, Spencer is sitting in the chair next to you with almost a guilty look on his face. “Good morning,” he said once he saw your eyes open.

“Good morning,” you mumble.

“So, I’ve been meaning to tell you something. I’ve agreed to be a volunteer teacher at a local high school. They’re incredibly short-staffed, and they want me to step in when I can for physics, biology, and psychology. I-I also agreed to be a mentor for the school’s chess club,” he said.

“Okay, Spence. That sounds like a great opportunity,” you replied with feigned optimism. Great. Even less time I get to spend with him. But whatever. If he needs this much space from me, I’ll give it to him.

The next couple weeks passed slowly; Spencer was only home early in the mornings (while you had to get ready for your shift at the hospital), and late at night (when you were already asleep). You loved that he was so passionate about his job, but you were beginning to feel resentful that he chose to take on all these other commitments when it was clear he was neglecting your relationship.

Lately you've been busy, Wonderin' if you miss me, Why did you go against me? I just wanna know... How come you act so different? Talk to me, I'll listen, All the love I'm givin', don't act like you don't know...

You hadn’t been intimate in nearly 3 weeks; the last time being a few days before you went out for drinks with Emily, and you hadn’t felt like he truly loved you since even before that night. And quite frankly, those feelings were justified because he hadn’t said it since then, either. He still called you periodically, and texted you when calling you wasn’t an option, but those conversations were incredibly dry and only made you feel worse. In a desperate attempt to try to feel connected to Spencer, you logged onto his laptop on his desk and, if you were being honest with yourself, started snooping. You found that he had been emailing a teacher at the high school that he volunteers at. You wanted so badly to trust him, but the feeling your gut told you to read them.

To: Ms. Everett

From: Spencer Reid

Re: Biology

Ms. Everett

Thank you so much for letting me lead the lecture on genetics. You sure know your stuff! Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I can’t believe that you teach high school! You are a brilliant woman, I can’t believe you aren’t out there finding the cure for cancer or something. If there is anything else that I can do for you or your class, please don’t hesitate to email or call me!

With Regards,

Spencer Reid

Call him? Does that mean she already has his phone number? I don’t think that Spencer has ever called me brilliant before, either. She’s so brilliant, but his girlfriend who is actually a doctor isn’t?

You knew that your thoughts were relatively petty, but you didn’t care. Your feelings were hurt. You kept reading anyway.

To: Spencer Reid

From: Ms. Everett

Re: Biology

Dr. Reid,

Oh please, call me Lila! And I thoroughly enjoyed your lecture! You are one captivating man! And thank you, but you don’t have to stroke my ego! I considered medical school as well as graduate research positions but my true calling is teaching children! Maybe one day I can teach your sweet Godson! I will give you a call! If you don’t have any plans this weekend, perhaps we can grab a coffee?

Love, Lila

LOVE? Is that a stab at me? I took the ‘easy way out’ by going to medical school? Who is this bitch?

To: Ms. Everett

From: Spencer Reid

Oh, you don’t have to use my honorific! Spencer or Spence is fine. And that is incredible. I love teaching children as well, obviously. I have a feeling Henry would love you! And yes, coffee would be great.

Spencer

Hmm. Is it considered cheating to get a coffee with some strange woman who you flirt with virtually (and do not tell your live-in girlfriend about)? Something is telling me ‘yes.’ Also, he’s letting her call him “Spence”?

You read a few more of his emails along those same lines, until you felt sick. After the nausea passed, the rage came. You pulled out your phone to send Spencer a text message.

At first, you just wanted to see if he’d lie.

You sent a text that said: Hey babe! How’s work going? If you don’t have a case this weekend I’d like to go out on a date or something. I miss you!

Hi baby. I might have plans, it depends on the day... he responded.

What plans? You asked innocently.

Just professional plans. That’s kinda vague, Spence.

Coffee plans, with super brilliant people?

Yeah, boring stuff. But I’m sure that you and I can still do something.

The rage began to build as you realized that he was actively keeping Lila a secret from you.

Oh SPENCE. When were you going to tell me that you want space from me just so you can spend more time with some slutty biology teacher?!

Your phone buzzed almost immediately.

What are you talking about?

Don’t play dumb with me Spencer. “You’re a brilliant woman”?! Are you kidding me? How long were you planning on keeping Lila a secret from me?

This time the buzzing was more persistent. He was calling you.

“What, Spencer?”

“How do you know about Lila? Did you go through my computer?”

You let out a frustrated sigh, “Yeah, obviously. And I don’t regret it, because apparently you were never gonna tell me about her. Which isn’t even surprising, you don’t talk to me at all anymore. But if you were gonna cheat on me, maybe you should’ve just broke up with me instead!”

“She’s just a friend, Y/N, and I never cheated on you! I never would. I-” but he didn’t get to finish, because you hung up. You have been so close to your breaking point these past couple weeks, and Lila was that little push it took to send you over the edge. You packed as many clothes your suitcase could fit and took off to your best friend’s house. She would let you stay, no questions asked. And that was a good thing, because you didn’t wanna talk about it just yet. She let you in her home with open arms, prepared to be that beacon of emotional support you’d been lacking from Spencer.

---Spencer’s POV---

COME ON, Y/N, ANSWER THE PHONE! Ugh, why did you have to go through my computer? Are you that insecure?

The phone kept ringing, but to no surprise, she didn’t answer.

I’ll call Derek. Everyone knows he’s had his fair share of relationship issues.

“Hey pretty boy, what’s up?” He answered.

“Derek, Y/N won’t answer her phone.”

“Why? What did you do?”

“Why do you assume that it was me who did something wrong?”

He just laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“Pretty boy, for a genius you can be so dumb sometimes. I assume that it was you who made a mistake for two reasons. For one, you called me for what I can only assume is advice on how to fix it. And for two, you’re the man. It’s usually the men who mess up in relationships. So what’s going on?”

He had me there. “Okay so for the past couple weeks things between us have been... off. I’m not sure what I was feeling, but I told her that I needed space. I think I got scared because we established a routine. It made me nervous. So I picked up some hobbies.”

“What kind of hobbies?” His suspicious tone made me feel guilty.

“I volunteered at the high school to help with some classes and to mentor the school’s chess club. But while I was there, I met this biology teacher -”

“A female biology teacher, I assume.”

“Yes, how did you know that?”

“Reid, I know where this is going.”

Where was this going?

“She’s a pretty woman, huh?”

“Well, yes, Lila is pretty and smart, but so what? I’m allowed to have friends. But anyways, her and I began emailing and we planned on getting coffee and Y/N got on my laptop and read those emails and -”

“You can’t be that stupid, Reid. First of all, you don’t actually want space from Y/N. You are always beaming after spending time with her. You love her more than you love yourself, and everyone knows that. Everyone but her, and probably Lila now - and that is probably one of the worst things you can do. You can’t let your woman feel like she has to compete with other women, and you can’t let other women feel like they have the chance to steal you away. That’s how you lose a good woman. You were emailing this woman, and you set up a date with her? After reducing the already limited time that you have to spend with your girlfriend, who is also incredibly pretty and smart too, I might add.”

“Oh...” OH! She’s not insecure, I’m just an idiot. I didn’t even want space at all, I was just scared. I just didn’t want to get complacent. When my parents got complacent in their relationship, it ended. Same with Hotch and Hailey. And Penelope and Kevin. Oh my God. What did I do?

“Exactly, pretty boy. You better show up at home with some flowers and chocolates and be prepared to kiss her feet. And I’d take a break from lecturing at that school, too.”

“Yeah, no doubt. Thanks Morgan.”

“Go get her, tiger.”

After hanging up, I opened the messaging app on my phone to send her a text just to let her know that I am willing and ready to fix my mistake.

Hey baby. I just want you to know that I won’t volunteer at the school anymore, if you don’t want me to. I will also take you out this weekend, wherever you want. I love you, and I’m on the way home.

I was out there on the road, life out of control, She became a victim to my busy schedule, And I know that it's not fair, that don't mean that I don't care - This one's dedicated to the girl out there...

She probably won’t respond, but that’s fine, we will talk when I get home. I asked the florist for a sunflower and rose combination, and bought food from her favorite Mexican restaurant downtown. I also stopped at the grocery to get a tub of ice cream along with chocolate, caramel, and strawberry syrup, with candy and sprinkles to make sundaes. I one-upped Derek’s recommendation, and I couldn’t wait to tell him about it.

“Baby, I’m home! We need to talk. I am so, so, sorry sweetheart... Y/N?” I shout, even though it’s pretty clear she’s not here.

Setting my bag on the end table, I notice a note on the refrigerator.

Spencer,

I am really sorry that I didn’t end up being good enough for you. I hope you don’t mind but I’ll be back for the rest of my things eventually, but if you still need space from me, it can wait. Thank you for the best year of my life. You were amazing, and I hope that Lila makes you feel the way that you made me feel. I will always love you, and I know that you will continue to do amazing things in life. Tell your mom that I love her, too.

Love, Y/N

It was actually 15 months, 6 days, and 43 minutes, approximately.

I dialed her number without even thinking about it. Still no answer.

I can’t believe that she left. It feels like I’m drowning - my breath is caught in my chest. BREATHE SPENCER!

She took most of her clothes. She took her computer and books too. She’s gone. She left me. Oh no. What have I done?

Girl you always catch me at the bad time, When I know you probably think it's a lie... And I know I told you last time was the last time, How could you pull the plug and leave me flatline?

Not breathin', what is it that I'm not seein'? Said she's leavin', damn I can't believe it... It's like my heart's bleedin' - Knowin' that you don't need me. Shut my heart down, now I don't know what Imma do now...

#spencer reid imagine #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #spencer #dr. reid #dr. spencer reid #doctor reid #reid #spencer reid imagines #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer x you #spencer x y/n

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malucy31 · 3 years

Text

Time in On Our Side

Here's chapter 2 a day earlier 😊

cw: nothing too heavy, but this version of Magnus isn't the happiest version of Magnus...

Chapter 2/3 - Times of joy, times of sadness

Read on ao3: chapter 1 - chapter 2

They talk and the weight of the centuries separating them evaporates.

Magnus tells Alec stories he has already heard, minus some details that make him wonder if his warlock husband didn’t invent them. He hopes he will remember everything so he can tease him a little when he gets home.

A twinge of sadness takes hold of Alec whenever he realizes that Magnus isn’t trying to find out more about him. His Magnus would. Danger be damned, he would try. He would have a lot of reasons to after all. Curiosity, suspicion, or simple intuition. Magnus’s magic never lies, and Alec knows he felt something. It must be gnawing at him.

But this Magnus doesn’t even bring up the subject. It would be fine if Alec couldn’t detect resignation underneath it. Now that he feels awake and perfectly healed, he can see it as brightly as the Sun on a clear blue sky. This Magnus is sad. The spark of joy and life that Alec is so used to seeing in him has been smothered. It sparkles every now and then, when he brings up the kinds of subjects and anecdotes he knows Magnus loves. But the moment the conversation dies down, a heaviness falls on the small kitchen like a lid. The only times his Magnus was like that are times Alec would rather not think about.

He takes a sip of wine, wincing at the sour taste a bit more than he normally would. It makes Magnus huff a laugh and the lid vanishes. Small victories and all…

It’s when Magnus gets up to check on his sandalwood blend that Alec looks around and notices something that makes his stomach drop. There are no windows in the living room. In fact, now that he thinks about it, he hasn’t seen any window outside the small room adjacent to the apothecary and the kitchen.

This is very unlike Magnus. Magnus loves natural light. Their loft has floor to ceiling windows everywhere. On a whim, Magnus sometimes redecorates the whole place and replaces walls with windows just because the light is incredible. Alec has seen Magnus lie in the sun for hours when he is having a bad day, or when he has exhausted himself with a spell.

Having no windows makes no sense. Why would he want to avoid the Sun?

Magnus’s voice snaps Alec from his thoughts. “I’m still missing an ingredient.”

He watches him sit down across the table again, taking his napkin back on his lap and reaching for his glass of wine.

“I swear, I will find it.”

“I’m sure you will.”

Alec sends him back his smile, adding something about how much he loves the scent of sandalwood, but Magnus must feel that something has shifted in Alec’s stare because he sets down his glass with caution, scrutinizing Alec the way he must be doing too.

“What is it?” Magnus eventually asks.

Alec is about to say something about the windows when something else catches his attention. He would slap himself for not seeing it earlier, but he is so used to seeing his Magnus underneath any kind of armor the warlock owns that he doesn’t always pay attention to what lies on the surface. Even today, Alec still reads between the lines, still sees Magnus’s kindred soul and open heart, the tenderness in his gaze. He still sees the most generous and beautiful man he has ever met.

But how could he not notice the obvious thicker black eyeliner? The way it enhances the dark hazelnut brown of Magnus’s eyes a little more than usual? A little differently? There isn’t a single round edge about him. His hair is spiked and even his jewelry seems to be part of a shield. I dare you to come close and find any weakness, it says. Even if there is something a little different about it today, the basic lines remain. Show them what they expect. Don’t be too much.

Alec is suddenly overcome by the need to protect him, to be the shield between him and people who can’t fathom that there’s no such thing as too much when it comes to Magnus. He just is, plain and simple.

If they were home, Alec would run a hot bath for his tired husband and kiss words of reassurance and love on his skin, remove his makeup with careful gestures until it’s just them. No armor, no one else. Only them and the walls they built around their life.

But he isn’t home, and neither is Magnus.

Alec’s chest tightens when he puts two and two together. He doesn’t know everything about Magnus’s life, but he knows enough to understand what is happening. Magnus needs protection for the same reason he has no windows outside from the rooms where he spends his time, his safe haven.

He is entering a battle that will last a few centuries, and he probably already knows it.

This battle has a name that, to this very day, makes Alec’s muscles stiffen, calls out his soldier reflexes.

Camille.

Alec doesn’t ask about the windows. He doesn’t need to.

Magnus will never open up to a stranger about this anyway, no matter how easy the conversation is. Even if he did, Alec will be gone in a few days and what good will it have done? The thought sends him into a downward spiral. He knows what is ahead of Magnus. Centuries of abuse, of loneliness, self-hatred, and despair.

This Magnus doesn’t need to be forced to open up by someone who will disappear from his life. He needs something strong enough that he can hold on to. He needs hope.

And Alec has an idea.

“I was thinking of a way to repay you for healing me and welcoming me into your home, but I don’t have any money… So, what about a small clue about who I am? Something harmless.”

“Please, do tell!”

Magnus’s eyes sparkle, and Alec is almost certain he can see his golden irises flickering for a second. There, trapped in the brown glamor that is supposed to make him presentable, a hint of gold. A hint of his aching soul searching for an escape, looking to this stranger for an answer to a question Magnus has been asking for centuries.

A pang in Alec’s stomach echoes that ache, the want and need to give Magnus everything he has ever wished. In times of joy as well as sadness, said their wedding vows. No matter the version of them, Alec will always give Magnus all his love.

“What you felt in me, what made my body accept your magic and kept you out at the same time. It’s magic.” Alec pauses for a second, considering exactly how much he can say without raising any suspicion in Magnus’s mind. His idea sounds too bold now. He could lie, invent something about being some kind of warlock, but he can’t. Not when Magnus’s eyes are begging for something, anything, as long as it’s different. The words are out before his brain has time to process them.

“It’s my husband’s magic.”

Magnus’s eyes widen and Alec is glad he didn’t backpaddle.

“Your… Your husband?” He pronounces the word with such delicacy that Alec’s heart breaks.

“Yeah, my husband.”

“H… How?” His voice is almost a whisper, his smile full of centuries-old, dried tears and smothered dreams.

Alec fights hard against the reflex to sit closer to him, take him in his arms, never let go.

“Where are you from?” Magnus asks.

“Far away.”

“You don’t say… You seem…suspended in time, like you… I couldn’t even find the words.” Magnus lowers his gaze, shaking his head and quickly trying to erase all trace of emotion on his face. But it doesn’t fool Alec. Longing is already coloring his tone. “I won’t know more, will I?”

Alec is about to apologize again when Magnus raises a hand between them. “You know what? It’s okay. Like I said, there is clearly something unique about you, and I wouldn’t want to put you or your husband in danger by knowing too much. But thank you for trusting me with this.”

Alec doesn’t know how to respond to that. There are too many things he could say and none of them would make sense to Magnus, so he nods, smiling.

“There’s one more thing I would like to know about you, though.”

“What is it?”

“Your name. You haven’t told me.”

“Oh, Gideon. I’m Gideon.”

“Well, nice to meet you, Gideon. I’m Magnus.”

Alec can feel giddiness forming on his lips. How many people get to relive a first introduction?

When the conversation resumes, Alec can’t help noticing a difference in the way Magnus holds himself and speaks. Less guarded, more himself. It sparks something in Alec’s stomach, a need to be home already, an urge stronger than he has felt in the past month and a half. He can’t wait to be home, can’t wait to hold his husband in his arms and have living proof that Magnus did overcome everything, that Camille is a long-forgotten nightmare.

Neither of them realizes how late it is until Magnus has to conjure up some light in the form of tiny bulbs floating above them. The light they cast reminds Alec of home again, of improvised date nights in the middle of nowhere, of late dinners when they refuse to go to bed before the other one has returned. It makes it even harder to pronounce his next words.

“It’s late, I should… I should get back,” Alec says, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“Where are you staying? Let me walk you back. The streets aren’t safe at night.”

Alec is about to decline when he realizes that he has no idea how to go back, no cell phone to help, and that Magnus hasn’t invented portals yet.

“If that’s not too much trouble, I’d like that.”

“No trouble at all, but before you go, let me give you something in return of this lovely night.”

“Magnus, you don’t—”

He snaps his fingers, and a small pouch appears in his hand, the scent already tickling the corners of Alec’s mouth. Sandalwood. “Since you liked the scent… It’s not exactly what I want it to be yet, but maybe you and your husband will find the missing ingredient. You’ll have to let me know if you do.”

Magnus adds a wink as he hands the pouch to Alec in a way that reminds him of his own Magnus. It feels so good that Alec lets his grin grow wider than he has in a month and a half.

“Thank you. I’ll… I’ll let you know if we find something, but I’m sure you have the solution around here.”

Maybe he shouldn’t have said that, but he can’t help it. He knows what ingredient is missing, it’s actually right there on the table, and he doesn’t always get the chance to tease Magnus.

For the first time since Alec woke up, he recognizes Magnus’s smile. It’s a smile that ends in a very soft laugh, the one that modifies his voice a little and makes him sound like a young man with no burden on his shoulders, no heaviness on his heart. It’s beautiful. He is beautiful.

Alec misses him so much.

He knows he can’t bring Magnus to the Shadowhunters’ lair, so when he recognizes the streets, he comes to a halt and stops in front of an inn.

“This is it… Thank you for everything. I… I really wish I could give you more to thank you.”

The moonlight accentuates Magnus’s soft features, but it also accentuates the ache in his eyes. Alec didn’t know he could want to take him in his arms even more than he has for the last month.

“You already did, Gideon.” He smiles, but sadness lingers at the edges of his lips. “Hope is a rare and valuable thing. It’s usually fleeting, but yours… There’s something about you, you radiate joy, hope and freedom. You let me have a glimpse and dare I say, a taste of it. It was an honor to meet you. I wish I could meet your husband too. Maybe someday?”

“Maybe, yeah…”

“In the meantime, tell him Magnus Bane sends him his best regards, will you?”

“I will.” Alec knows he has been reduced to monosyllabic words, but he can’t do more in this instant. His voice is choking with emotions.

“Thank you. I needed this, I needed to meet you, more than you know… Good-bye, Gideon. Travel safely, and I hope we’ll meet again sometime.”

There’s a lot Alec would like to reply, but no words could ever convey the depth and extent of all his feelings, not in this time or place. There is no space here for their love. There can’t be. Magnus doesn’t give him the time to say anything. He is already walking backwards, and that’s probably for the best.

“I hope so too. Good-bye…” Magnus stays trapped in his throat as he watches him walk away. He can’t shake the feeling that he didn’t give him enough. He shouldn’t have let him go before there was only joy on his face, in his eyes… Alec almost calls him back, but he can’t. Not for another two or three centuries at least. This had to be enough.

#malec #malec fic #malec fanfiction #my writing #shadowhunters #alec lightwood #magnus bane #time travel #hurt/comfort

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achliegh · 4 years

Text

Happy

Alright my chickpeas, my little garbanzo beans (Wtf am I even saying) I am here to bring you the “Happy we-did-it Ending”. This one was really difficult for me to write because when it comes to good endings my mind just calls them fake. Which… I mean this is fiction so why can’t it be happy. Sorry if this sucks I tried my best. Please Read at your own risk! This is a triggering fic.

Love, Your Trash Monster

CW/TW: Past Abusive relationship, Anxiety, Depression, Panic Attack, past age difference relationship (Illegal)

Part1 Part2 Part3

Characters belong to @lumosinlove

Besides Luka, I made him up, don’t care for him tho

Leo's leg was bouncing uncontrollably, he and Sirius waited for Coach outside his office, He was grateful for Sirius like he felt indebted to him even though they only talked for maybe a half hour. He runs his hands through his hair for what feels like the millionth time.

“What if he doesn’t believe me?” He didn’t mean to say it out loud but when his captain turned and gave him a soft look, he realized he did. He looked down at his hands in his lap and picked at a bandaid. It was one of the Hello Kitty ones Logan bought on accident. “I mean I have no proof of any of this happening, What if Coach thinks I just dislike Luka for no reason and am trying to ruin his life or something like that… It wouldn’t be the first time an adult hasn’t believed me. I mean, there's that double standard that “Men don’t get sexually abused and if they do they don’t cry about it” it's why I never even told Finn and Lo until a few weeks ago. I didn’t want them to think less of me.” He smiles a little at the bandaid he was messing with and thinks about how lucky he is that his boys still love him. “I’m so lucky”

“I get it.” Sirius looked up just in time to see Arthur walking towards them. He smiles a little and stands with Leo next to him.

They follow Arthur into his office and sit down.

“So, is this about all the concerned people who have been telling me something is wrong with Leo?” His brushy red eyebrow lifts and he crosses his arms leaning back in his chair. “I was also told by a little Russian bird that there was an argument in the locker room between you and Luka. Leo whatever is going on it has a lot of people worried.” He leaned forward and set his hands on the arms of his big office chair. “Leo, you know I treat everyone of my players like my sons.”

Leo takes a shaky breath and clutches his hands together tightly in his lap. Gulping down the fearful frog in his throat he meets Coaches eyes. “ What I'm going to tell you is something I’ve only told to a few people. I don’t have any proof anymore, but I need you to believe me Coach.” He feels Sirius put a hand on his arm as a comforting I’m here motion. He told Arthur and Sirius everything, not leaving out any detail that he was comfortable enough to share. It was everything from the good, loving parts of the relationship that made him sick to his stomach now. To the horribly, hellish parts of the relationship that made him choke on his own tears. Leo didn’t think much of it back then (he was a little preoccupied trying not to break) but he remembered that most of Luka and his friend would film things with Leo because they thought it was funny to see him suffer or to save for later to use as blackmail on anyone in the videos.

“Wait, you said he filmed these things?” Arthur, who had turned white as a ghost and had a furious glint in his eye, started drumming his fingers. “Do you think he would have kept these videos throughout the two years you’ve been apart.?

“I know for a fact he's kept them” They both look at him with wide eyes and a silent invitation to explain. “He would ask me if I wanted to see them… or remake them” Talking about all this as making him feel like he was gonna puke. He had a foul taste in my mouth. Arthur put his head in his hands, he's devastated that he let such a fucking asshole interact with his team. That he let his youngest player suffer like that.

Sirius had stood abruptly from his chair and was pacing behind Leo’s chair with his hand interlocked on the back of his neck. He exhales deeply, seething with anger. How could he let this go on so long, he had picked up on Leos habits because Remus had pointed out how similar the two of them were at times. He feels like he failed as a Captain for not doing something sooner.

“Is there anything we can do, Coach? I mean, can we at least fire him?” He stopped pacing and ran a hand over his face, taking a deep breath as he looked at the young kid next to him. How was he so good at hiding his pain? People would say that Sirius was good at that too but everyone on the team has seen him crack and spiral. Leo was always this calm, collected, cool support. He acted so mature for being so young and it was all clicking in his head. Everything about this 19 year old goalie was formed from the love and support of his family, but also the hate and abuse from a lover. He has experienced more than most people on the same team as him that are older than him.

“We can fire him, and if we do call the police, they can seize his electronics. If he really does still have those videos they could lock him up for CP because you were underage at the time. Nothing is guaranteed though.” He's deep in though, sometime during the processing of everything Leo had told them he had grabbed his laptop and was furiously typing an email to the Lead of the Organization. He hit send and looked up to the two hockey players. “I’m going to talk to Mr. Godic and Luka together. I already had a meeting with Mr. Godric today about next year's fundraisers but this is a more important topic.” he stands up and looks at Leo “Thank you for telling me Nut. That was very brave of you” He smiles weakly and Ruffles Leo’s hair. “If you ever need anything just let me know, okay?” He nods towards Sirius and walks out the door to his meeting.

“We should get you home, your boys are waiting.” He smiles softly as Leo stands and is taken by surprise when Leo pulls him into a tight hug mumbling “thank you” into his shoulder.

Leo was so happy, he felt lighter than he has in the last two years. He gets squeezed by the man he wrapped himself around and laughs wetly. When they pull away they both wipe their eyes and smile at each other. This was a new chapter to both their lives.

Sirius dropped Leo off at home after a stop at a drive through for an ice cream cone (that he may or may not have dropped on Sirius’ floor and got an annoyed glare) he walked in the front door and was talked into a pile of limbs and smothering kisses. He laughed freely and kissed both his boys sweetly and conveyed so much love.

As the Cubs made dinner together and sang to a random playlist. Logan burned half the food and Finn dropped a third of it. Good thing Leo tripled the recipe so they had enough to eat for the night. Putting on a mind numbing cooking show they just waxed poetically about how much they love each other. Around 7:30 pm Leo's phone started vibrating and a picture of Arthur sleeping on the bus with Talker doing a thumbs up flashes on his screen.

“What happened?” He is very anxious about everything that could go wrong, all of that melted away when Arthur shared the news.

“He's been taken down to the station and his phone has been seized. He was angry when confronted and actually tried to take a swing at me before security was called. If this ends up going to court would you be able to, you know, stand trial. I mean telling your coach is one thing but a room of strangers is different. Especially because the media will be all over this case.”

Leo had to think about this, if he didn’t go and testify this case would only air on the local news. Then again, he could change people's lives. He could be a role model for people who are too afraid to tell about their experiences. That's worth more than anything. He may be shamed online but it doesn’t matter. He Needed to do this.

“Yeah, this is something I need to do.”

#leo knut #lumosinlove #logan tremblay #sirius black #finn o'hara #sweater weather #coast to coast

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alaskatalks · 3 years

Text

Abuse in the Youtube Vlogging Community — My Experiences

Note 07/07/2021: My original posting was removed by unknown so this will now live here. Please be aware of the content warnings.

Apr 26·14 min read

2012–2018

CW Mention of; Suicide, Assault, Blood, Rape, Deceased Person(s)/‘Suicide Forest Video’

I’m writing this statement to not only provide background on the toxic and abusive culture of the community at the time but to support the multiple other people who have recently come forward detailing abuse from within the UK vlogging Youtube community, and to finally talk about these incidents publicly after carrying them for so long alone.

As I am writing this, one of those mentioned has contacted several mutual acquaintances to stop me from sharing my own story to those people privately,then when they and I didn’t, this person quickly began to smear my name. Because of this I want to begin with some basic background and thoughts which will be most likely be used/twisted in the coming days/weeks by those I mention.

I will only be discussing physically abusive events I was personally privy to but to keep this specific I will be omitting the many micro and macro-aggressions I experienced as usually the only black mixed/non-white and working-class individual in the room/group. It was clear to me quickly that if you were an “other” in certain ways, you’d be open to mockery, namely also if you were working class or lacking financially, I’d heard Chris repeatedly make remarks and mean comments behind the backs of his own guests/friends at various events and parties in his own home in addition to others making similar comments. Because I appeared white passing that time especially; I made my heritage/ethnicity explicitly clear when it first began as a failed attempt to minimize racial remarks around me and then from then on, kept my private life private from many in the group. I learned quickly to ignore a lot directed at me — as I was younger and possessed no media industry contacts or clout/followers at the time, I had to accept my place in this kind of mostly elitist clique/working environment as the only way to continue working with the people I looked up to.

I met everyone personally and got into the community when I was 16/17 after being a fan for many years, contacting CB via post and then emailing him, I wanted to get into television eventually and thought working with YouTube vloggers I looked up to would be a great first step in that direction. Everything detailed below I had previously tried to discuss with those involved privately, but was unsupported and thrown away both professionally and personally.

Rachel

I want to talk briefly about Rachel as I was around just before she joined the general group so was witness to a lot of things. I have spoken to Rachel privately but want to share the frustration and bitterness I feel and felt publicly. Please read her statement via twitter for their story. (In addition to addressing the dangerously hypercritical individuals I have seen crawling out of the woodwork to send her empty public displays of ‘support’ whilst in the past they contributed heavily to the environment which fostered abuse or carried it out themselves.)

The first few times I met Rachel it was at different pubs, and so I had always assumed that she was at least 18 on joining the general group, I was also told (unprompted) about her familial connections within the media/television industry — something that I now believe contributed to many of the youtubers mentioned overlooking basic welfare issues and red flags, and instead thinking of furthering their careers. I spent close to a year trying to help as I could see certain red flags in her ‘relationship’ with JSL, him struggling very heavily and publicly with alcoholism at the time, and Rachel seemingly struggling also. I made my concerns known repeatedly because I was worried, having myself suffered from various abuse from a young age I instinctively wanted to help.

However, close friends of Rachel herself and others, namely Bown, sent me the repeated and clear message that I was “in the way”, this was a message Bown kept telling me once he was living with JSL, who I had begun seeing months prior to Rachel meeting him. I was told by them that my concern was only jealousy and experienced an abundance of side eyes, verbal abuse, bad mouthing, and gossip — I was just a ‘jealous bitch’ in many eyes. (This all despite me being polyamorous with my primary partner from before dating JSL to this current day) I continued to help Rachel whenever I saw her in person before ending things with JSL and distancing myself because not only was I incredibly uncomfortable dating someone who was in a unhealthy situation, but I was very selfishly fed up receiving so much hate when I did speak my mind on the subject. In hindsight, especially after finding out recently that Bown was aware of Rachel’s age, I wish I’d have stuck around.

Rachel is incredible and I hope the following can contribute in some way to validating all those who were victimized by these same people in addition to others with similar stories. For Rachel’s full statement please read it on her Twitter in its entirety @rachelkiki_

Beginning with MT, I had been a huge fan of The Man Time Podcast and The Fratocrats for years before so on meeting him at a party for the first time at C.B’s place, I was excited to talk to him, however, as soon as he found out I had a partner (literally the first thing he asked/said to me after hello) he walked away from me and didn’t interact with me in any way for the rest of the party. A few months later when I was single we slept together for the first time, halfway through he held my wrists down suddenly and just as I thought he was going to kiss me he instead spat in my mouth. I did not ask for, nor want this and reacted as negatively as you’d expect, then feeling incredibly uncomfortable made some excuses and tried to stop things physically.

It was a little while later I found out that he had spoken to a group of very popular youtubers, one of whom was Tom. I found out that not only did MT “report back” to these youtubers detailing a story about how we had had sex and I was in fact, horrendous at it, but hearing about it from C.B. in the form of the question whilst he smiled jokingly “Is this true?” was not only super inappropriate but humiliating.

These were people I had looked up to for years and really wanted to work within the future, but now that seemed like it wouldn’t happen, especially if I ‘made a fuss’. MT wanted to meet up with me at a later point (once I’d confronted him repeatedly afterwards) though when we met it was clear he just wanted to have more sex and the half assed ‘apology’ was more tokenistic. He was sorry “If” anything he did upset me. Because of my own previous trauma (and low self-esteem admittedly) I thought the only way to redeem my reputation would be to continue to see him — I thought if others knew or saw us flirting casually even, it would negate his rumors. This obviously didn’t help and the damage had been done.

Tom*

Shortly after that, whilst on a work trip with CB and others, Tom approached me at a bar and asked me for a photo, I thought it was odd but perhaps he was just being friendly. I was a big fan of Eddsworld so I was okay with it, he took a photo of us both, making sure I smiled and then sent it to MT who was sitting a few tables away in our group as a further way to humiliate me. I spoke about it with some of the others privately after being laughed at, who seemed used to that kind of behavior. I just needed to get used to it and/or “lighten up” so I tried to remain professional and focused, though it seemed more and more like certain people viewed me as disposable entertainment almost, rather than a person.

*I do want to note, as of writing this today, Tom is the only person to reach out to genuinely apologise, which I highly appreciate.

Bown

I could fill multiple pages with the amount of racial charged, sexist and abusive things Bown has done and/or said to me, for example, he berated me the day I got my first big television job, calling me stupid, useless and implying I was only hired because of my ethnicity. He almost always sent his hate via text or instant messaging, I mention that because he commonly expressed all his negativity behind a screen, then in person, he would do a lot of gaslighting. When drunk at his worst, his understanding of the word no became non-existent when I would repeatedly ask not to be touched or requested space.

On one occasion when I had made clear it was a platonic hang, we were watching a film when he suddenly reached over and pressed his fingers into my breasts. I felt instantly violated, I froze for a few seconds and then pulled my shirt up to cover more of my chest/create a visual barrier. I said don’t/stop and continued watching the film. In shock — we weren’t even touching or hugging before- that but he nonetheless did it again and laughed as if it was some kind of game. I made it very clear I was not interested and did not like what he had done. This repeated when he was drunk and said he wanted to apologise, it was at a party which wasn’t the time nor place for that kind of conversation, then, with me saying so then no multiple times, he kept grabbing my waist, then arms and shoulders, refusing to give me the space I was requesting.

There was a lot of disrespect and ugliness I experienced from my first experience ‘working’ (unpaid at first and then at or under minimum wage afterwards) to present but again, I’m only discussing the physical stuff. The first physical time he hurt me was when on tour sharing a room (due to a lack of space as we were out of London) I was sharing with JSL on the floor and Bing had the bed alone. I was awoken in the early hours of the morning to a small piece of metal (which turned out to be a zip as I recall) from a pillow, hitting me hard. I was confused and so thought it was an accident — I assumed the pillow had fallen off the bed by mistake so reached over and put it back on Bing’s bed before going back to sleep. I was then awoken repeatedly by Bing’s hand hitting me in my face hard and repeatedly, though I tried to turn around with my back to him, I then experienced the same but on the back of my head, and my hair being pulled. He had thought the very loud snoring which was waking him up was me, but it was in fact JSL (most who have lived with him or slept in close corners knows he can be a snorer) the next morning I woke having a panic attack which I dealt with before asking him why he did that as it really hurt, he replied that I was snoring but when I told him of the mistake he just looked at me funnily and that was that. No apology ever appeared.

The worst experience I had with him was at his house during a party; it was winding down and I could sense him rushing people out the room in a hushed tone; I was looking at his bookcase, filled with cd’s at the time. On hearing the hushed tones I could sense something was wrong/odd and looked around to find myself suddenly alone in his room. I said a quick sorry, that I didn’t realise and will go join everyone else upstairs if he wants to sleep, he said it was no problem and I should have a drink before bed with him. I was content looking at the cds and before I could answer he brought me a cup and poured out a drink for me (clearly over pouring). I had just eyed a specific CD from my all-time favourite band (they were very niche at the time) and exclaimed in joy before showing it to him, he responded that a fan had sent it to him, I laughed because I was that fan, I had included the CD in a fan letter I sent to him years back. He was giving me a really odd look and then as I said ‘anyway,’ laughing in that british ‘I should get going’ kind of way.

He grabbed the CD before putting it on and pulling me towards the bed. We were sitting side by side and as soon as he grabbed me towards the bed I gave a nervous laugh saying something along the lines of ‘no, I don’t’ when he interrupted me to say it’s all fine, just one song and I need to drink, pushing my cup up which I’d been holding with both hands motionlessly since he gave it to me. As soon as I took a sip, he put his hand on my waist, I kept protesting as he pushed more towards then against me and repeated things like “It’s no big deal” and “It will be fast” ignoring my physical resistance and me audibly saying I did not want to. He placed his hand on mine and pulled it towards his groin area — this was when I finally stopped freezing and pulled away forcibly, I then sat up off the bed and made a beeline for the door — apologizing as I went. As soon as I was on the other side of the door I burst out crying and having a severe panic attack, I muffled the noise and went upstairs where I knew others were sleeping before I couldn’t keep quiet. I cannot remember who else was upstairs but there were multiple people (at least 5) sleeping in various places, I woke up quite a few before being calmed down and going to sleep. He hired me one last time after that as a producer.

H H S

H.H.S is the long time editor of the Paul brothers, he’s worked with many large youtubers and was one of (if not the main) editor of now notorious Logan Paul’s “Suicide Forest Video”,– the following happened around that time for context and is one of the biggest catalysts in my completely giving up on working within the YouTube vlogging sphere. H.H.S had been lightly dragged on his Facebook by friends on a post where he apologized for the Logan Paul video he responded with a fundraiser event post (both this, and the fundraiser have since been deleted) the fundraiser itself was to a suicide prevention charity, although he created it, he hadn’t and didn’t invite anyone directly to it — in hindsight, it’s clear it was just lazy personal pr. I had my own mental health and neurological episode and had attempted to take my own life a little before, so I had created an event with friends to celebrate being alive and beginning new/better things. Not many could come on short notice, though H.H.S was the first (and only) person to click ‘attending’ on the event page, which he did very quickly once I sent out invites.

He never was overly kind or supportive emotionally, so I thought that because of the amount of mutual colleagues, close friends and vloggers invited he would look very crass not to come. I was upset that many couldn’t make it and drank far too much, though I could Just about walk by the time we left the bar — the last 4 of us decided to head back to H.H.S to drink and hang out more as a group. I was meant to text my friend and her partner the address whilst they went home quickly to grab a coat as they lived nearish. H.H.S helped me into the cab and we made our way to his place, it’s then he put his hand behind the seat and began touching my leg. I thought he had a partner at the time and so was confused as he mentioned her earlier in the night, I asked him about this roughly over drinks at his house (which he poured himself) and he said it was fine, I accepted this as I was very drunk by this time and being ethically non-monogamous at the time; I assumed naively that they talked before this. I don’t remember what happened after this until later, I know that I was so drunk I completely forgot to ask H.H.S again for the address, let alone that I had to contact my friend at all.

I remember roughly that things seemed to me above board, but then I experienced a huge amount of pain as he had pushed me onto my front and put his entire weight onto me, I started to say stop, and no as he put more weight onto me and was trying to enter me anally. I told him to stop and that it hurt (he had done this before to me but stopped after a few seconds of me saying no and we discussed how it wasn’t okay with me especially without prior consent so I didn’t expect this). He then put his weight further on me so I was prone and continued for several minutes, I managed to move my body so it wouldn’t hurt as much, though by this point I was stuck under his weight and could barely breathe. Once he had “finished” he got off of me and said something about how this was a good “purge” for him but he loves his girlfriend and so should sleep in the living room. I was in total shock as he just exited the room.

I had no way of getting home by myself and triggered , drunk and confused I went to sleep. I woke up to H.H.S typing away on his computer next to my bed and I shouted “bucket” multiple times so he ran and got me one which I then projectile vomited into. I apologized and went to the bathroom to continue throwing up before heading back to his bedroom to find my things and get home. As I was doing this I asked about the video, he wasn’t talking otherwise and I was extremely uncomfortable trying to hold back a panic attack and further barfing. I waited for my taxi to come as he confirmed everything about the video that I had expected, he boasted about being the main editor of that video, how it was his idea to blur the body, how they wanted more views and they (him and Logan Paul) obviously didn’t care genuinely for anything to do with suicide prevention — this was after excusing various racist acts and remarks made by Logan.

H.H.S didn’t contact me for a full week after this incident, when I got home I discovered I was bleeding from his forced entry, and went into another panic attack. I tried to contact Bing, who had introduced me to him in the first place, when I was met with a barrage of blame. He told me a lot of things like ‘What did you expect?’, ‘That’s on you’ and on me beginning to cry and get emotional, he quickly started to distance himself saying that we aren’t “really friends” anymore, and further slut shaming. I wanted help and was rejected, not only by him but the few others also who I contacted. I figured if my friends would not help me, why would the Police believe me?

I reached out to H.H.S privately but was ignored, he read my messages but did not respond, though remained friends with me on facebook. He now has his own channel with 134k subscribers and won a Streamy Award for his editing work with Logan Paul. If you’ve read all of this, thank you sincerely. I’ve carried this for far too long alone, every time I heard of the people involved and even the Paul brothers names, things just came rushing back violently. After being rejected by so many I believed to be my friends, I decided I shouldn’t come out publicly at the time as I thought no one would believe me, that in addition to the fact that I valued the content they created to such a vast degree that I thought it more important to keep quiet.

Thanks to a sadly long list of brave people, I now know that I matter and so does my voice. I hope that with this, I can finally begin to let all these incidents go and know I appreciate every single person who has been an ally and/or spoke their own truths.

#MeToo #BlackLivesMatter #StopAisanHate

Alaska Harrison

#metoo #blacklivesmatter #youtube #abuse

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