#please don’t attack me for this. i just feel too uncomfortable about this topic.

[vxiphoid]

EXIXIR OF EMOTIONS

❨ summary ❩ genshin › more than friends? moments. is he feeling too much or too little?

tags ✧ gn!reader, fluff, modern au (?), friends to lovers, y’all are dorks, the sweetest of feelings.

amanuensis’ message ⊹ y’all are not just friends babes, smooch.

⌜ O.7+ ⌟

♫ lover boy - phum viphurit

genshin masterlist

CUDDLING.

“you’ll put me to sleep at this rate.”

“its not like i’m going anywhere anytime soon. i like you here, in this moment. just sleep.”

— there’s absolutely nothing better than hearing your beating heart while he rests over you. no better feeling than your hands carding through his hair, braiding a few small pieces he was sure not to remove. he listens to your absentminded humming, your muted whispers about how soft his hair is, and the delighted thrum of your heart. his hand finds your unoccupied one and you were quick to interlock fingers, a reassuring squeeze following shortly after. maybe a small nap wouldn’t be so bad, little did he know you weren’t that far behind him.

AETHER, kaveh, WANDERER, zhongli, shikanoin heizou, BAIZHU, ayato, gorou, venti.

┏━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ━ ─ ╴⋯ ⟢

LATE NIGHT TALKS.

u up? ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀2:23 am (read)

been up ever since i heard your ringtone, are you alright? ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ 2:23 am (read)

— you have a different ringtone from everyone else in his contacts for times like this. honestly, it doesn’t matter if you want to rant, call, or even plan something like going for a walk, his answer will always be yes. its the yearning need to hear you laugh over the phone, even if he did see you three hours ago. babble on about the first thing that comes to your mind, watching you light up as you spoke. he’s sure he has heart eyes as his pupils as he takes you in for the umpteenth time tonight.

XIAO, DILUC, childe, kaedehara kazuha, shikanoin heizou.

┏━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ━ ─ ╴⋯ ⟢

LISTENING TO HIM GEEK OUT.

“sorry, i’m talking your ear off.”

“no, keep talking. i love your voice. what happened then?”

— its the complete adoration and love swirling in your eyes that makes him lose his train of thought. he notices when he turns to see if you’re still following, the smile adorning your face spreads wider under his gaze. what are you trying to do? give him a heart attack? don’t look at him like that (please do, he’s literally in shambles.) you’re so willing to listen to him even when you dont understand the topic. give me a night, ill have it all memorized and we can talk about it together, you’d say. how could you be so perfect?

ITTO, KAEYA, thoma, ALHAITHAM, tighnari, CYNO.

┏━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ━ ─ ╴⋯ ⟢

D.I.YING CLOTHES TOGETHER.

“and then the needle goes through here…”

“please don’t poke yourself—”

— you texted him about some moss embroidery on a sweater you had saw on pinterest and he was already on his way to pick you up and run to the nearest store for yarn and string. he found two old similar sweaters in the depths of his drawers and you were quick to get to work. he could barely pay attention to his own stuff because your shoulder kept brushing his… by the end of it, made with your hello kitty bandaged fingers, on the very end of his sleeve was his own embroidered moss and your initial.

AETHER, BAIZHU, albedo, VENTI, kaveh, zhongli.

┏━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ━ ─ ╴⋯ ⟢

DANCING TOGETHER.

“no but, what if i fall? that would be embarrassing.”

“i would catch you. always.”

— having his hand interlocked with yours has never felt so faultless, he’s been close but never this close. the amount of times he’s wanted to play with your hands but refuse because of the fear of making you uncomfortable yet you seemed so at ease grabbing his hands to mess with his knuckles at any given time. your hand that was splayed out on his chest traced little hearts into the fabric while you studied his face. for a second, he swore you leaned in.. that was until you stumbled on his foot. instincts kicked in quicker than he could react, tugging you flush against him. well that was embarrassing… even then, both your laughter, firstly stiffed, echoed throughout the atmosphere.

ALHAITHAM, ayato, DAINSLEIF, tighnari, KAEYA, THOMA.

┏━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ━ ─ ╴⋯ ⟢

KISSING HIS SCARS.

“why do you do this?”

“i want you to know i accept every part of you.”

— weither that be his hands, his arms, back, neck, waist, there’s no place that your lips don’t leave a tingling feeling upon his skin. it’s how you say hello, its how you say goodbye, it’s so frequent he finds himself counting the mere seconds of the intimate interaction. how you lingered for a second longer one day or a second less the next. you’ve found scars on him where he didn’t even know he had-including the invisible scar you insisted he had on the corner of his mouth that you’d pecked last.

AETHER, albedo, childe, CYNO, dainsleif, DILUC, gorou, itto, KAEDEHARA KAZUHA, XIAO, WANDERER.

[citrustan]

hello , can i request a drabble wherein oc finds out that their husband politician Namjoon is having an affair with his secretary? like, oc found Namjoon was cheating when oc was watching the news and there are photos of the affair and a recorder phone call of the affair wherein the secretary was talking bad about the oc and Namjoon was just chuckling. thank u in advance ❣️

aaaa i'm excited to write this one, thank you for sending it in!

all eyes on you (knj)

pairing: namjoon x reader

genre: angst!! husband!namjoon x wife!reader, mayoral candidate!namjoon x housewife!reader. i imagine namjoon to be older than oc.

warnings: infidelity! oc will be trashed a little ok. you have been warned. the contents of this story quite literally replicate the anon's request. please don't read it if you find the topics offensive and/or unappealing. oh u guys r gonna hate me,,

The living room was quiet, save for the soft hum of the television in the background. You weren't really watching anything in particular--- just letting the flicker of images fill the empty silence around you.

You were perpetually tired.

Your mind wandered, lost in the routine of another evening spent waiting for your husband to return home from wherever he was.

It's not just this though. Namjoon had been distant lately, buried in meetings and late-night phone calls, but you had brushed it off as just part of his life as a politician.

This was the price of being married to a man like him, or so you'd tell yourself.

It was peak campaigning period. Namjoon was running for mayor. So it wasn't out of the ordinary for him to pull all-nighters.

Yet, you couldn't help but stay up for him anyway.

Unintentionally, you switch to a news channel.

Normally, you'd prefer to stay far away from anything to do with politics, as ironic as it sounds with you being married to such an ambitious politician. But, you yearned to feel closer to him, and the news channel his (and sometimes your) name(s) frequented on was the only way for you to satisfy this urge.

You sat on your luxurious yet cold, leather sofa and zoned out, staring into space.

And, oh, what a choice that was.

“Now in. Breaking news on mayoral candidate Mr. Kim Namjoon...”

Just like that, your attention snapped back to the screen when the news anchor mentioned your husband's name. Your heart skipped a beat or two.

In only a second, a thousand thoughts crossed your mind, hundreds of scenarios where he'd hurt himself, or been hurt, maybe his opponent backed out and he was pronounced mayor right this instant, maybe his opponent was hurt, or maybe he was advocating for yet another controversial decision.

Not even close.

What followed wasn’t about a new policy or a political scandal--- it was something way worse.

Photos. Of him. Your husband. Kim Namjoon. With her. His secretary. Bae Joohyun.

They weren’t just working. The pictures showed them at some dinner, leaning in close, laughing in a way that made your stomach churn.

They looked too comfortable, too familiar, as if this was second nature to them.

How cliché.

It felt like the ground beneath you had cracked wide open, eager to swallow you up and wipe every trace of your existence.

It felt like time had stopped. The air around you was stagnant. You couldn't hear anything but a high-pitched ringing in your ear; until what the channel displayed next.

The screen transitioned to a recorded phone call.

You hadn’t realized you were holding your breath until you heard Joohyun's voice, dripping with smugness.

“I don’t know how she doesn’t see it. Honestly, it’s almost pathetic,” you hear the woman sneer. “She’s too busy playing the good housewife while you’re here with me. I mean, what does she even bring to the table? It's not like you don't have staff handling your home.”

You don't even have time to digest the attack on you because what came next completely shattered you.

Namjoon's laugh.

It wasn’t just a polite chuckle, not something he gave when uncomfortable. It was genuine, full of warmth--- the laugh you used to think was reserved just for you, not against you.

“She’s a bit clueless, isn’t she?” Your husband murmured, amusement clear in his voice.

The remote slipped from your hand and hit the ten thousand dollar carpet with a dull thud.

Your mind was racing, trying to make sense of it, but nothing could explain what you had just seen and heard. All you could think was a mix of 'Namjoon' 'he hates me' 'what went wrong?' 'how could he dare to do this?' 'Joohyun was so nice to me' and 'I want to lie down.'

The man you loved, and cherished, the man you trusted, had betrayed you. And worse, he had laughed at your expense, as if you were nothing more than a convenient joke?

You can't even begin to feel the humiliation of the news being broken to you by TV emission, because your husband's betrayal had struck you so hard, all your thoughts surrounded only him.

Yet another irony; the news of his betrayal was broken to you so publicly, yet you were so, so lonely.

You can feel your cheeks and ears heating. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, but you don't cry.

Not yet. You don't know why.

Instead, you continue to sit there, numb, as the rest of the world kept spinning around you.

The hours (two hours) blurred together as you sat in silence, staring at the news segment on repeat.

There was no new information. Just the commentators discussing your life. They had managed to dig into your and Namjoon's past. Then his secretary/mistress' as well.

Yeah, she had been promoted to 'Mr. Kim's mistress.'

They discussed, and agreed with Joohyun's take on you being a lousy wife to Namjoon. How Bae Joohyun is a better fit for him. Then another counter argument stating you were 'the perfect, submissive, wife material' for Namjoon.

They went into detail about Namjoon's past relationships, then moved on to scrutinizing every single interaction he had with a woman since your marriage being made public.

Then, they brought on more guest stars on the show to react to your husband's leaked voice recordings.

You felt hollow, with every heartbeat punctuated by that same mocking laugh playing in your head.

All your devices, phones, iPads, landlines, had been vibrating and ringing non-stop. You wonder if any of those are from Namjoon.

It wasn’t until the door clicked open and you heard Namjoon’s familiar, hurried footsteps that you finally snapped out of your daze. He was almost stomping the floor. Following close behind, you hear another unmistakable 'click-clack' of a pair of high heels.

Your husband stormed in, his tie slightly loosened, looking weary from another long day, along with his fucking secretary, who looks equally fatigued.

He tries to talk, “_____."

Instantly, you shoot him down, "Don't even." You stood up with false-fervour. Not wanting to hear from either of the traitors, you turn to rush to one of the guestrooms.

Before you turned, you caught Joohyun rolling her eyes, her lips pursed in annoyance.

The woman looked more irritated at being dragged into this mess than remorseful. That was the last straw.

You don't quite remember what happened next. You were suddenly so fired up. Your brows furrowed, and your tears had clouded your vision.

Without thinking, you grabbed the nearest thing--- your fluffy house slipper, and hurled it straight at the secretary’s head pulling a stupefying gasp out of your husband.

"What the fuck?!"

note: this hurt to write kinda until i made her throw a slipper at joohyuns head :( ofc this is also kinda raw and unedited bec (you know it) lazy.

do you guys want a follow-up?? perhaps a confrontation? you'll have to be vocal abt it if you do... so talk to me u clowns 😡

BTW i love bae joohyun, i just think she'd be a perfect villain for this story. smart, sexy, bitchy, and intimidating.

[borderlinereminders]

greetings! so i got into an disagreement(?) with a coworker last week. i made a comment that my coworker didn't like, it made her uncomfortable so she went to my manager. the manager told me i owe her an apology, but it was a... sensitive topic to say the least and i wasn't prepared for my manager to know about it. i spiraled bad that day, i was sobbing, etc. a couple days later i came into work and talked to my coworker to apologize, and she said that it's just that she (and everyone else as she put it) can't tell me anything without me spiraling and crying. she said that it's just really manipulative. that made me feel awful, so i took space in the breakroom and cried a whole lot. i did at least finish my shift that day but i really do feel awful about it. i guess my question is, how do i *not* manipulate people? i got diagnosed with bpd a few years ago, and i thought i was managing pretty okay but now symptoms are rearing their heads. i don't intend to cry, it just happens. is it my fault that people feel a type of way about it? i try to take space to avoid damaging other people but i guess it's not enough, idk, any advice would be appreciated, thank you <3

Hi anon,

There’s a major difference between someone who intentionally cries to get out of trouble or get attention versus crying because your feelings are overwhelming.

I think you need to be careful not to fall into what a lot of us with BPD fall into… and that’s we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves. We expect ourselves not to do things that people without BPD do. Like getting upset, or having a bad day. We expect ourselves to be more perfect than people without BPD. They’re allowed to have bad days, cry, or otherwise get upset. But we hold ourselves to unrealistic standards as to not “be BPD”.

I don’t know the situation, but I don’t think that was fair of your coworker. It’s on her to manage her feelings, and if she’s feeling a type of way because you’re having a very normal emotional response, that’s on her. Not you.

It would be different if you were trying to use crying to get your way, but you aren’t. Crying is normal. It happens. And I’m sorry you’ve been made to feel you’re wrong for having these reactions.

While she’s valid to be upset about a comment, you’re valid to be upset too. I don’t know what the comment was but I’d be upset because I’d feel “in trouble” and that would set off an anxiety attack for me. Maybe she did deserve an apology. I wasn’t there. I can’t say. But even if she did, I don’t think it was fair of her to call you manipulative for having your own feelings.

I do understand the importance of trying to get through work though. I sometimes use crisis skills to get through things like work so I can properly deal with my emotions later. In my pinned post, there’s a link to my FAQ with a link to DBT skills. The ones I recommend for getting through situations are tolerance skills. Just please remember these aren’t meant to bury your emotions. They’re meant to help you in the moment. Things like grounding techniques especially might be useful.

The other skills might be useful when you’re ready, too. Things like communication ones and ones and ones that might help with emotional regulation because while your feelings are valid, it might help prevent spiralling and being able to handle them in ways that are better for you.

[watercolor-hearts]

i just saw your logan/george/alex universe and i'm obsessed with it actually

[First mention of the Logan/George/Alex universe.]

Hi dear ❤

Yesterday, in connection with this, I told you I can be too much sometimes. Well, now here’s the proof. Let me introduce you to my Logan/George/Alex universe in 10K words. (My longest “story” ever. 😂)

I love talking about my stories/universes but it feels weird to just simply write posts about it when nobody’s asked, so I usually just wait for games and asks to talk about them. This post is really long because it contains a lot of quotes from our conversation with my friend, @starlightiing Jess, with whom I created this universe. In the beginning I tried to simply just talk about it but after a while it turned into me putting our chat/role play messages into it because I felt like that’s the best way of showing how this universe works and what people’s personalities are like in it.

Important information: This universe is heavy on non-sexual cardiophilia because I’m a cardiophile and since I’ve got a cardiophile friend I became more open about putting heart things into my stories/universes, especially into ones we just talk about for fun with my friend. (We put heart things into everything because that’s what makes us happy.) So yeah, this is basically about hearts and the comfort they give. And there also are a few mentions of panic attacks and a detailed description of one towards the end. If any of these topics makes you uncomfortable, please don’t read this post. If you decide to read it, I hope you’ll enjoy it! ❤

And now let’s dive into this Logan/George/Alex universe:

Okay, so, I went back to reread the whole conversation where we built this universe with my friend and I realized that the thing that actually started it is the ask I received in connection with Logan’s heart and to which I made this drawing. I completely forgot that it was that ask that started it. 😀

I’m gonna quote some things I wrote to my friend to show how it started. So, after receiving that ask, I started thinking about it, about Logan’s heart and Logan himself, and wrote this: “Logan for me is like some kind of sad boy who’s alone with no close friends, trying to survive and show his potential that might be there, might not; someone that has the sad story where things didn’t turn out the way they should’ve and he’s left alone.”

This universe starts with George asking Alex how Logan is, because he had crashed out in the race and things aren’t going too well overall and he’s a bit worried about him and about how he handles these things. Alex tells him that Logan seemed upset, to which George replies with wanting to go and check on him and maybe try and make him feel a bit better. So they go to Logan’s room and they see that he tries to look okay but George knows that he isn’t. 

George offers a hug which Logan accepts but then things change quickly and Logan’s breathing becomes irregular and it worries George, especially when he sees Logan pressing his hand to his chest. But then he remembers Alex mentioning that Logan does this sometimes, especially before races, and Alex thinks it’s some kind of soothing mechanism for him. So George tries not to worry too much and helps Logan through this panic attack, his big hand resting on Logan’s back, telling him how to breathe to make it go away easier and when things calm down a bit, he asks Logan about this ‘hand on his chest’ thing. Logan tells him that it’s for comfort, to tell/show his heart that everything’s alright and he’s there and it’s fine, they’re in this together and they’ll get through it. George tells him that he has a similar soothing mechanism, putting his hand on his stomach, so he knows how much it can help and supports Logan in using it and asks him if it’s a thing where only his own hand helps or anyone else’s could, if needed. Logan tells him that so far he has only tried his own so he doesn’t know but if George wants to try, they can. George wants to, so Logan lets him put his hand on his chest. George’s so gentle and soft that it makes Logan immediately connect with him because he hasn’t felt anyone touch him like this in a long time and the closeness and gentleness does things to his brain. George smiles and tells Logan that he can feel his heartbeat but it’s starting to slow down and that’s a good sign, he’s done a good job with following George’s instructions. He keeps his hand there until Logan’s breathing goes back to normal. 

After this, they start talking about the race, the crash and Logan’s feelings. Alex gets them tea and George pulls Logan into a hug when he sees Logan needs it because he looks like he’s close to crying. Logan doesn’t know why he’s suffering so much and why can’t things work and he doesn’t know what to do and it’s just too much. He can’t hold it back anymore, he starts crying. George holds him close and lets him cry because he knows how much a good cry can help. And after a while, he notices that George’s slow heartbeat helps him calm down and he starts to drift off. 

Another quote from the messages I sent to my friend: “In the beginning he can’t even believe that George is there to hug him. Because okay, yeah, Alex is nice, they’re teammates, he’s there for him, but George. He doesn't have to. And he's still there. And holds him. For hours. When he could hold Alex instead or they could have a sexy time or anything else. But they’re there with him, talking about race mistakes they all have made (or suffer because of others) and then when George sees the tears in Logan's eyes, he can’t just sit there anymore, he has to hug him. And it comes as a surprise for Logan because he usually only gets pats on the back/shoulder. But a hug is different. A George hug. And in the beginning he doesn’t even know how amazing a George hug is. But when he realizes it's not just a quick hug and George positions himself to rest his back against the headboard, he starts crying because people don't do this to him anymore. They don't cuddle him. When he was a kid, they did, maybe. But he’s not a kid anymore. And he doesn't even realize how much he needs it, someone to hold him, feel their calm breathing, hear their heartbeat... He thinks he’s dreaming. But he isn’t. Not until the tears dry while Alex strokes his back or hair and he falls asleep.”

It’s usually George who provides the physical connection and the comfort and Alex is the one who talks and gives advice, but sometimes they do what the other does, too. I think it fits them to be there for someone who’s been alone and needs some love and support.

Next morning they have breakfast together and George makes Logan promise to call/text him if he needs him. Logan promises.

And then George actually gets a text a few weeks later. And Logan can’t believe George actually came when he shows up at his hotel room. He thought George only offered Logan to text/call him because he wanted to be nice to him. But he’s actually there and it means so much to Logan because he’s having another panic attack and he needs help. And this is the first time he was brave enough to text George. And George is there for him, pulls him into a hug and tells Logan never hesitate to text him if he needs him. Logan promises he won’t and nuzzles into George’s chest, feeling and listening to his heartbeat. It slowly becomes a comfort thing for him.

And after a while George and Alex basically adopt Logan and they’re always there for him when he needs them, whether he needs someone to talk to or just needs a hug or something. They’re there for him, and Alex and George have such a healthy relationship that it’s never a problem for Alex to see George being close to Logan, letting him snuggle into his chest, things like that. He’s not jealous because he knows how nice feeling it is to be pressed against George’s chest, feeling his breathing, hearing his heartbeat… It’s one of the best things in the world. And George would never say no to hug someone or let them listen to his heart if that’s what they need. He likes to help people.

When George notices how much his heartbeat and breathing helps Logan to calm down, he tells about it to Alex and Alex has the amazing idea of trying to record it (first with the shot glass technique) for Logan so he can listen to it even when George can’t be there for him. Especially after he leaves F1.

Another quote from a message I wrote to my friend: “Imagine George getting a ‘thank you for the recording. I listened to it again and it helped. It always helps.’ text every time Logan listens to the recording. It makes George smile. He’s glad he can help this way too. He never thought recording his heartbeat and breathing could help as much as it helps Logan. It’s a pleasant surprise for him. 

Now there’s a scene in my mind with Logan lying in the bed, earbuds in his ears, recording playing. He puts one of his hands on his chest and the other on his stomach, and he tries to match George’s breathing and heartbeat with the breathing technique George taught him. It’s not panic this time, it’s just the night of a difficult day and he needs a bit of comfort and calmness because his mind and heart is still racing and his body is tense. But concentrating on George’s heartbeat and breathing slowly helps him to calm down and it also eases the tension in his body. His heart slows down beneath his palm and he can sleep peacefully. ❤”

And another one: “He’d show the message to Alex and he’d tell him how happy and honored he is because he didn’t think a simple thing like this could help so much. “It’s just my heart and breathing. I didn’t think it's this big of a thing. It’s so simple. It comes with me, I don’t really think about it most of the time. But seeing what it means to him...” And Alex would say something like “It might be a simple thing to you but it means the world to someone else and it’s beautiful. It might be “just your heart” but that’s the point of it. It’s your heart. It’s your heartbeat, your breathing pattern, and in person your skin, your hug and your body heat. And your voice, if you talk, too. This is the beauty of it. That it’s all you. I’m glad you let him experience it. It means the world to him. I know, because it means the world to me, too.” And tears appear in George’s eyes.”

And after this Alex and George start making new recordings from time to time so Logan always has something new to listen to. “And when Logan sees it he's like ‘oh my God, But... But he didn't have to... And he still did it. Again. And he said he'd do one next month too.’ And he tries not to get emotional about it but it’s hard not to be because he really appreciates how much George (and Alex) cares about him.”

And after a while George wants to send more clear recordings (because the shot glass technique usually results in not so clear recordings) so they upgrade the setup from the shot glass to a stethoscope. “Imagine him sending a pic of it to Logan with a text that says ‘next recording in progress’. Logan would be like ‘holy shit man.’ And he’d start thinking really hard about what to do next time when they meet, to thank him/them for this. Because at that point a ‘thank you so much’ is not enough.”

“George, in a text message: ‘Let me know if there’s something that needs to be changed. We tried to make it as clear as possible but it’s not perfect. Also, if you have a spot preference for next time, let me know and we’ll focus on that. Here’s a pic of the spots and time stamps for the recording to know which you’re listening to when. I don’t know much about it, Alex helped with it.’ And Logan’s like ‘oh my god’ tries not to cry, heart beating like crazy ‘it’s perfect, it’s always perfect no matter what oh my god thank you so much again and always’, And he’s there, sitting on the edge of the bed, his heart beating out of his chest, listening to the newest recording and God, it’s so clear he can hear the valves open and close, the blood whooshing through them. It’s another level. He still doesn’t understand why George does this for him when he doesn’t have to. But he’ll forever be grateful for it.”

Also, something that’s important to mention is that George doesn’t really know that much about hearts, only those things he has to know for training, it’s actually Alex who knows a bit more than a normal person. In the beginning he does some research to make the recordings a bit more enjoyable for Logan, Googles how to use a stethoscope properly, what are the auscultation points, things like that, but then after a while he realizes that he might be into hearts. Okay, not all hearts but George’s heart. It’s not that big of a thing for him but it was nice to realize it. He mostly uses his knowledge to help Logan, but I’ll talk about it later.

“Logan lies down on the bed, closes his eyes and lets himself enjoy it. He doesn’t care his heart is racing, he knows he’s okay and it’s just some big emotions and it’ll calm down soon. He can’t wipe the smile off his face. And a few seconds later, he starts crying because it’s all too much and George’s so nice and Alex helping him with the recording and everything... He feels like he doesn’t deserve them. Even though George always says Logan deserves to be happy and if they can make him at least a bit happy with these recordings, then they’ll continue making them. 

After listening to this recording, Logan looks at the pic of the auscultation points George sent, and then goes and searches for more information about hearts, about the blood flow, the valves, and after seeing some gifs and videos, he can visualize George’s heart and how it beats, how the blood flows. He’s absolutely mesmerized by it. It’s even more incredible than he initially thought. George’s heart is so healthy, so strong and so beautiful... 

George doesn’t realize it, for him it’s just his heart, nothing special. He doesn’t really listen to the recordings because Alex does the editing but he loves seeing Alex’s face while he’s listening to it. He loves that there are people who love his heartbeat. He finds it really sweet.”

And after this I started thinking about Logan’s relationship with his own heart. (I know in the beginning there’s a mention about Logan having a special relationship with his heart but that part with the hand on the chest thing wasn’t in this originally, that was born after I finished working on the drawing. Originally this is the point where Logan starts to develop an interest towards his own heart.)

“And I think listening to George’s heart and using it as something that helps him calm down could make Logan have a closer relationship with his own heart, too. Because he could realize that after listening to George’s heartbeat for quite a long time, his heart can almost sync-up with it and it could help him appreciate it more. Because he has a strong heart that calms down easily with a little bit of help and it's healthy, there aren't any problems with it and it loves when Logan listens to George’s heartbeat because now it’s so familiar it’s easy for his to pick up the same rhythm and Logan loves when beneath his palm he feels almost the same as what he hears through the earbuds.”

“Also, a thing I think George would also do for him: another recording of himself but this time it’s not his heart but his voice, helping Logan through a panic attack. Talking slowly, using different breathing techniques in case one doesn’t work, counting techniques, ‘names this and that’ techniques, everything. Some encouraging words, “you're going to be okay, it’s just panic” “you’re not alone”, “you can do this”, “pay attention to your breathing, help your heart calm down with it”, “you’re doing a great job” and things like that, with breaks between the sentences so it feels more natural. I think George would really put himself into this and he’d make an amazing and really useful audio. 

And let's not forget about Alex, because this would be his idea and he’d be the one George would talk to during recording to make sure his tempo feels natural and he isn’t too fast with the things he says. And he’d enjoy this so much that he’d then make normal relaxation recordings too, and basically anything Alex or Logan wants. They both love his voice because it's soothing. And he loves making them happy. ❤”

All these heartbeat and breathing technique recordings happen after Logan leaves F1, and when we were discussing this, I thought the boys would also send nice voice/video messages to Logan, so here’s an example of that: 

“‘Big day today!’ George smiles to the camera, ‘First race in (whatever series) for Logan, right, Alex?’ Alex joins the video, also smiling. ‘Yes, big day for Logie bear! We wanted to send you a quick message before your day starts to wish you good luck and a really, really nice day.’ George nods and continues: ‘We’ll be following your race and there’ll be a surprise waiting for you after the race ends. We hope you’ll like it. You’ll see what it is so we won’t say more about it now. Keep your head high and push to the max.’ 

‘We believe in you.’ 

‘And we love you. Have a nice day and again, good luck for the race. We hope to see you smile a lot today, can you do that for us?’ 

‘Enjoy it, that’s the most important. Goodbye until next time!’ Alex waves and George joins too, and ends the video after saying goodbye.

I'm sure a video like this would make Logan's day. Oh, and what's the surprise, you might ask. Well, it's George and Alex being there at the track but only revealing it after the race not to put too much pressure on Logan. ❤ And when Logan sees them and runs into their arms, hugging both of them at once... Oh God…”

And at this point my friend mentioned that all of the stuff with George’s heart gotta eventually make Logan curious to listen with a stethoscope in person, so… Let’s see some quotes from those messages:

“After the race they’d call him to their hotel room (after he finished the debrief and everything he has to do) to spend the night with them because they know how much he misses cuddling with George and talking with both of them in person, and they think he really deserves it after not being able to do it for a long time. 

And when he gets there, everything’s the same at first, George hugging him, Alex making him tea like he usually does, then they sit down, talk a bit about the race, what was good, what could’ve been better, first impressions, things like that. And when they finished talking about this, then comes the main attraction, the stethoscope.”

“Alex just sets it down gently between them like it’s nothing at all. Like it’s normal and commonplace to just have a stethoscope there. George just looks up at Alex and smiles sweet and then looks back over at Logan. ‘Your show, if you want to use it.’”

“And Logan is like what, and he needs a moment to actually realize what’s going on because holy shit he wasn’t expecting this. He’d be happy with a cuddle and some ear stething, but this... This is insane and he can’t believe it. 

‘Touch it,’ George says, seeing the hesitation on Logan’s face, ‘Try it, if you want to. On yourself, me or even Alex, if you want to. We thought you’d appreciate it if we brought it with us for you to get to know it. I’s different than listening with your ear but it’s worth a try.’ 

All Logan can say is ‘woow.’ He lifts up the stethoscope, touches the dark blue tube, the mirror finish chest piece, and the earpieces. It’s lighter than how he imagined it, it surprises him that the only heavy part is the chest piece. It’s really new to him to hold something like this. He doesn’t even know what to say or do. ‘Would you like to try it?’ George asks. Logan nods. ‘On who?’

Logan looks up at George for a moment, then back at the stethoscope in his hands. ‘Can I try it on you?’ 

‘Of course,’ George nods, smiling, ‘You can try and discover the different spots by yourself but Alex can help if you want to, he’s pretty good at finding them.’ 

‘First you should try it by yourself,’ Alex says, ‘It's magical, I want you to experience it by yourself, listening to the different valves, discovering the differences between how they sound, it’s a special experience. You don’t have to be afraid of it, if it doesn’t work, we’ll help. But I’m sure you can do it, it’s not difficult.’ 

Logan nods and tries to put in the earpieces but Alex stops him. ‘You are supposed to use it the other way around. Sounds better that way.’ 

‘Ah!’ Logan smiles, trying to hide his embarrassment and turns it around, ‘Thank you.’

‘I'm ready if you are,’ George says after taking off his t-shirt and leaning to the headboard, waiting for Logan to start when he’s ready.”

My friend’s reply to this: “George is so cute, he’s so ready. Alex is proud too, the idea of someone listening to George’s heart and him getting to watch them do it is a bit exciting too. Logan might be a little nervous but George is as calm as they come. They’re all used to having their hearts studied and listened to. Alex will start him just in the center of George’s chest, not a real auscultation point, just a place to start, and let him experiment from there.”

So I made him experiment from there: “He is, he couldn’t wait for this since they talked about surprising Logan. ❤ 

Alex is so proud, he loves seeing how close George and Logan are to each other, it really warms his heart, and he’s proud of them, of George for being the amazing person he is, doing everything for Logan he can, and of Logan too, for being open about what he likes and how it helps him. They have a beautiful platonic relationship and Alex is glad he can witness moments of it and he can sometimes be a part of it, helping both of them to make their experiences even more amazing. 

And he loves seeing how much healthier Logan looks since he left Formula 1 and moved back to America to be close to his friends and family. He smiles a lot and he’s more energetic since then, and he doesn’t have as many panic attacks and bad days as he used to have. So he’s definitely made good progress. 

George is calm, he’s smiling softly, his breathing is calm and even, waiting for Logan to start when he feels ready. And then he feels the stethoscope in the center of his chest and he closes his eyes for a moment so Logan won’t feel like he’s being watched. 

Logan’s first reaction is a simple ‘woow’ as the chest piece touches George’s skin. The heartbeat he hears is so loud and powerful. It’s incredible. 

‘Can you hear it?’ Alex asks to make sure everything works well. ‘It... It’s so loud. Woow.’

‘Yeah, it’s a bit different than listening to it with your ear. If you listen closely, you can hear the valves open and close, the blood whooshing through them. If you move the chest piece around his left pecs, you’ll find the auscultation points, those are what doctors use when they listen to the heart. They all sound a bit different, feel free to try them.’ 

I love that George is just there, totally relaxed, eyes closed, waiting to be listened to, and Alex is like a good teacher, explaining things to Logan, gently guiding him. Their relationship is also a really special one. Different from George and Logan’s but just as special and that’s why the three of them work so well together. ❤”

And then my friend went into the auscultation part a bit: “Logan being so curious as he moves them around. ‘I know you’ve named them for me before but I don’t remember them. Can you tell me what I’m listening to?’ And just VERY curious about every single ‘different’ sound there is. 

Like why is the mitral valve so tiny? But the aortic valve is so deep and thumpy? Why can he hear blood flow better in some valves than others? A very curious little guy. 

Alex being there to answer all questions and correct positioning with the stethoscope. Instructing George to sometimes lie on his side, raise his arm up, ect ect all sorts of things doctors do to check for murmurs and certain conditions. Just so Logan can hear.”

“And after Alex has explained everything, Logan just sits there in front of George, listening to all the points over again and tries to name them by himself, with Alex nodding proudly every time. 

‘George’s gonna fall asleep soon,’ Alex slaps on George’s thigh to wake him up, receiving an elbow into his upper arm, making all three of them laugh. 

‘I was just enjoying the thorough examination, Alex,’ he pretends to be angry but he can’t, ‘But now you took me out of the zone.’ 

‘It’s okay,’ Logan says, taking the earpieces out and putting the stethoscope down. ‘Thank you so much for letting me try it on you, it’s an amazing instrument and your heart sound beautiful.’”

So this was Logan’s first stething experience, and after this I started thinking about whether he’d want to listen to his own heart. “I’m not sure, but I imagined this night as they’d tell Logan to stay with them for the night, he can cuddle with George, sleep between them, like good, old times. 

And maybe at night he couldn’t fall asleep. Alex next to him would already be asleep, Logan guesses George too, but George isn’t. He’d notice that Logan is still up and ask him what’s going on, why he can’t sleep. And Logan would tell him, he doesn’t know, he just can’t. This whole day was amazing and he can’t just let it go. He feels a bit strange, his heart is a bit too fast and he feels those strong beats that can't let him fall asleep. 

And then I think George would offer him to use the stethoscope on himself and if he likes it, he can buy one, too, and use it when he needs it, when George’s heartbeat doesn’t help or he simply just needs something else, a different grounding method. And then Logan would lie on his back, earpieces in his ears, chest piece on his chest, listening to his own heart while George pets his head to comfort him. And with George being there, taking care of him, his heart would slowly calm down.”

After this my friend mentioned how important it is for Logan to familiarize himself with his own little heart and understand its importance and then his heart can help him calm himself down. “There is something so inherently calming about feeling your own heartbeat come down from a rush. Like, it’s one of the most calming things.”

And then she asked if Logan would offer his heart to George at some point as a ‘thank you’, so I started thinking about it and this was my answer: “I think after his heart has calmed down, he asks George if he wants to have a listen. He knows George doesn’t really do that, it’s Alex who sometimes listens to him, but Logan still wants to ask because it feels right, after all the things George has done for him. A bit of listening might not mean much to George, he thinks, but he gets proved wrong when he sees George’s excited face. George never really thought about this, for him the most important was always Alex and Logan and making them happy with letting them listen, him listening was a bit rare. Ear stething not much, but with a stethoscope it was. He prefers cuddles and ear on chest, but when Logan offers, he can’t say no. For some reason it feels like a really big thing for him, Logan getting so comfortable with him that he lets George listen to his heart. Alex is his boyfriend, that's normal that he lets him, but Logan... That’s a totally different thing. Especially that in the beginning Logan didn’t really care about his own heart but then George's helped him discover it.” (Yeah, again a bit of a contradiction to the beginning, sorry. As I mentioned after another quote above, Logan originally didn’t really care about his own heart in the beginning.)

“Logan is probably a little surprised that george accepts, but George is a naturally curious person. Logan knows his heart inside and out, maybe he can give Logan a listen and see if he can get to know it just as well. He already knows Alex’s better than anyone EVER could, doctors be damned. Alex himself be damned.

So he closes his eyes and he listens hard. Very intent listening, very attentive, moving the steth around a few times, taking a listen to all the valves, listening for murmurs or anything of the like, nope, completely and totally perfect. Strong, steady, valves sound very strong and the turbulent blood is just barely audible as it should be.

He would smile at Logan. ‘Wow, quite healthy, that. Not that I'm at all surprised - but it’s nice to confirm for myself. Your heart sounds absolutely lovely.’”

“And Logan just shyly murmurs a ‘thank you’ because he doesn’t really know what to say because besides doctors, nobody ever listened to his heart before. So it’s a really new situation. But then he adds ‘I always do my cardio. I’d never dare to say no to Elias,’ he says jokingly, ‘But it was originally Benny who taught me the importance of it. And he made me start liking working out. I miss him sometimes, especially the workouts we did together. He always motivated me. Elias is nice, too, we get on well, but he’s different.’ 

George puts the stethoscope on the nightstand and settles down next to Logan. ‘It’s hard when you have to change trainers after working together for years. But I’m sure if Benny has time, he’d be happy to meet you for a workout and a nice conversation about both of your lives, days since you stopped working together. Sometimes it’s nice to meet when you don’t see someone for a while, you know, to catch up.’ 

‘I’ll text him and ask, thank you. It already helps a lot that we could meet, I’m sure meeting with him, too, would be the cherry on top.’ 

‘I’m sure he’ll make it happen. But now come here and sleep,’ he offers Logan his chest to snuggle, ‘It’s getting late.’ Logan snuggles into his chest. 

‘Sorry I kept you up.’ 

‘It's okay, I'm glad we could talk and listen to your heart. I hope now you’ll fall asleep easier.’

‘I'm sure I will,’ Logan says, eyes already closed. ‘Sleep well, George.’ 

‘You too, Logan.’ And George puts his hand on Logan’s back to pet him until they both fall asleep.”

In the next morning, Alex offers Logan to listen to his heart to give him the full experience.

“While sitting on the bed, waiting for Logan to fully wake up, Alex would be like: “How’s your heart?”

And then Logan, surprised but really awake after hearing this unexpected question, ‘My heart? Uh, it's fine, I guess. I mean…’ 

‘Don't worry,’ Alex touches his upper arm, ‘I’m just asking because we talked about George’s a lot but not much about yours, and while George told me he listened to it at night, he couldn’t give you the full experience because he doesn’t know that much about it. So we thought I could give you a check up, talk you through it as I listen to your valves, things like that. Anything you want, but only if you want to. No pressure.’”

“Logan is probably a bit self conscious at first. Having all of the attention on his own heart is a bit embarrassing and overwhelming, but he would eventually agree to it.

‘Yeah - I - okay, that’s fine.” he’s just a bit nervous about it, still not used to being the one in the spotlight.”

And this is the point where talking about boundaries came in the picture because how Alex started this was probably not the most ideal.

“And I think this would be a good opportunity to talk about boundaries and things like that. Alex telling him that he can say no if he wants to (even when they’re already doing it), Alex and George take ‘no’ really seriously and won’t push anything if it’s too much for Logan. They don’t want to force him into anything, and it’s totally understandable if it’s a lot now because they’ve done a few different things yesterday that were new to him and it’s okay if he needs time and doesn’t want another experience today. Alex is really, really patient with him when he explains it because he knows for him it’s not really new anymore, giving check ups to George, making recordings, things like that, but for Logan it’s really, really new and he has to be patient, go slowly with everything he wants to show him. Logan agrees to do it but Alex tells him they’ll do it after breakfast, so it won’t be a pretty shocking thing right after waking up and Logan has time to think about it and ask questions if he has any.

After the breakfast Logan tells Alex that he still wants him to do the check up and shyly asks him if he could like, somehow show or explain to him how to listen to his own heart, where to put the chest piece on himself, what he’s hearing on those points and things like that. He isn’t sure if Alex understands what he means but it’s not easy for him to explain it because it’s all new and a bit scary to open up about it because it’s his heart and it’s really different to just listening to George’s heart. Now he wants to understand hearts. And he knows Alex is the best person to help with it. 

George almost melts as he witnesses Logan telling this to Alex while Alex holds his hands and listens to him attentively. George understands what Logan means, and he knows Alex understands it, too. 

When Logan finishes explaining, Alex nods and tells him how they’ll do it. First Alex listens to a point, explains what he hears, then gives the stethoscope to Logan and lets him listen and ask, if he has any questions. And this is how they check every auscultation point, slowly, not rushing anything. George’s heart fills with so much love as he watches them from afar not to bother the moment. He knows Alex is gentle but seeing him being gentle with other people, paying attention to their signs, how they want to do things, everything, makes him so happy and he feels so lucky to have a partner like him.”

Logan gets to learn so many things about his heart and with Ale’s help he even finds his favorite auscultation point on himself. And by the end, he gains enough confidence to straight up ask if he could hear Alex’s heart, too. 

“Alex jokes with him about secretly waiting for this moment because he was jealous of George getting all the listening and attention. And then George from the other side of the room: ‘He’s lying, he doesn’t even like attention. He loves giving it, hates receiving it. Don’t feel bad, Logan.’ 

‘I've been exposed,’ Alex laughs as he takes off his t-shirt. ‘But he’s right, I prefer giving it and not receiving, but I’d love it if you listened to mine, too, and told me what you think. Would that be okay for you?’ 

‘Of course,’ Logan nods, ‘I'll try and use everything you’ve taught me.’

‘Don’t feel pressured to do it. Just enjoy, it’s not a med school exam or anything like that. I won’t ask questions about it, only maybe about your feelings and thoughts. If you want to talk about it.’ 

‘Okay,’ Logan smiles and puts the earpieces in, and then the chest piece on Alex's chest to discover his heart too.’”

And here we talked about Alex’s heartbeat a bit with my friend saying: “Alex probably has one of the BEST hearts to listen to if I’m honest. I bet it’s SO soft and so gentle and so slow.

So easy to fall asleep to, or be calmed by. It fits his personality so much.

Alex gets comfortable, too, he’s used to George listening here and there so it’s easy for him to just forget the stethoscope is even there. Takes steady, even breaths, and just lets Logan listen.”

And I said this: “Yeah, and it’s so overlooked most of the time because out of the two of them, George is the more physical, he lets people close quicker, comforts people with hugs and cuddles while Alex does it with words and maybe pets. He needs more time to let people close, to feel safe to do it. But now that he lets Logan close enough, Logan does his best to give some attention to his heart and use all the things he learnt from Alex. He wants to make Alex proud. 

He’s really surprised how different Alex’s heart is compared to George’s. It’s still a heart, a really healthy one, just like George’s, but it’s still different. Good different. 

He lets Logan take his time with listening to each point, going back to some of them he really likes or wants to compare. Logan doesn’t talk but Alex doesn’t mind it because George doesn’t usually talk during it either. So it’s not surprising, he likes when people get lost in their thoughts while listening to his heartbeat because it shows that they enjoy doing it. And that’s what’s the most important for him.

Seeing the soft smile on Alex’s face means everything to him. And when Logan starts telling him things about what he hears and they start talking about Alex’s heart, George feels so happy because Logan’s learnt so much and he sees how proud Alex is of him. These last two days are really two of the best days of their lives. Everything’s just so perfect. 

Logan loves Alex’s heartbeat. It’s so soothing. It’s so Alex. He can’t really explain it, he just feels it. Hears it. And knows it. 

After Logan’s finished listening, he asks Alex if he can put his hand on his chest. He’s a bit scared that it’s too much but Alex nods in a heartbeat without hesitation. But he’s verbal about it, too, to make sure. “Of course you can, Logan.” Logan thanks him and gently lays his hand on the center of Alex’s chest and closes his eyes to see if he can feel it. A few seconds later he feels Alex move his hand a bit. ‘Don’t worry, I’m just putting it to the spot where you can actually feel it, because I don’t think the center is the most perfect place for that,’ he explains and when he finds the spot, he presses Logans hand there, with the boy's fingers being exactly on the spot, feeling the powerful muscle rhythmically contracting under the skin. 

George’s having a hard time not to get too emotional about this whole chest touching thing, especially when Alex moves Logan’s hand to the spot. The spot he uses to help George calm down when he needs it. The spot only George knew about until now. This is the moment when George knows Alex’s reached the point where he feels safe enough to let Logan be as close to him physically as he can. And it’s a really big thing for all of them.” (The spot is the apex/point of maximal impulse at the fifth intercostal space.)

To this, my friend replied with this: “I like how it’s kind of - Alex is this soft sweet thing so eager to help and support others but he’s actually quite reserved letting others in for himself

and somehow Logan has broken through that and that’s why George gets so riled up about it. He is theirs, for sure. Unbreakable bond between those three.”

“He’s like, ‘well, if you want it, you’ll get it, there’s no reason not to show it, really’, because seeing that Logan really cares about his heart made him realize that he’s just as much part of this as George is. He was never jealous of what George and Logan have, but he knew that they’re closer/it’s a bit more special to them. But Logan showed him that their relationship is just as special. It’s different but that’s why it’s also special. George is his comfort person, he gets the best hugs and cuddles from him, but Alex... Alex is an amazing teacher and the way he talks about hearts (and basically everything else) is amazes Logan and he loves talking with Alex, loves learning from him and loves the support and guidance he gets from him. He really appreciates that George and Alex are this different because they fit together perfectly and the different ways they comfort Logan always makes him feel safe and loved because they always have a solution, no matter what the situation is. If he needs hugs, he gets hugs, if he needs someone to talk to, then he has someone to talk to. It’s so perfect and he’s really glad he has them in his life. 

Alex’s really sweet and loves to help and support but needs time to actually let people close because he needs to make sure he won’t regret it and the relationship is close (and strong) enough to do it. But once he does it, being a friend of his becomes a whole new experience. It’s nice without the physical stuff too, but with that it’s just simply amazing. He doesn’t do this with any other people besides George but Logan deserves it because he’s part of their little family of some sort. Because by now it’s more than just a friendship. It’s an unbreakable bond, just like you said.”

So yes, this is the point where their relationship becomes something special, something more than just a friendship. Their friendship has grown into something beautiful.

“A sweet thing, kind of an ending for their day, is that when it’s time to say goodbye at the airport and George hugs Logan, it’s a bit more emotional than they planned and they’re both crying, and George tells him that he doesn’t have to wait as much until their next meeting as he had to for this one. They’ll come back soon and spend more time with him and when he has time he can also go to their apartment and spend time with them there, he’s always welcome, he just has to call/text to let them know he wants to visit them. And by the end of saying goodbye, George’s voice is so thin that to the outsiders it looks like a really, really sad and painful moment, when in reality it’s not, it’s just... They just made their bond even stronger and now it’s difficult to say goodbye. But it’s not for forever, only for a few weeks, a month at most, if everything goes well. 

Seeing how broken they are, Alex decides to hug the two of them. One big, big, big hug to comfort them. He didn’t plan to be emotional but he is now. These two days have taught him so much and he’s so grateful to have these two amazing people in his life. In the beginning, he didn't think they'd have this strong relationship with Logan, and now they’re there, crying at the airport, not wanting to let go of each other. But they have to, slowly. When they finally let go of each other, they’re smiling as they’re waving, because they know that the distance doesn’t matter, this relationship can and will survive everything. And it’s not like they can’t meet pretty frequently or at least have phone/video calls and change texts until they get to see each other in person again. They try to find the positives as they part ways for a while. 

Until the next meeting. Which will be when they surprise Logan on his birthday with a stethoscope customized especially for him. ❤”

My friend’s reaction to it: “They love each other so much omg. I bet Logan is over the moon when he opens up his gift and it’s a customized stethoscope sobs he’s like ‘they can’t possibly GET better and then there they go, getting better anyway!’

That is so sweet. I love the love, it’s so good and happy and pure.”

This was the point when I told my friend I almost started crying like them. This story has grown on me so easily. It’s so important to me, and what’s the best in it is that this is not the end, there’s more to come, because yeah, they surprised him with a customized stethoscope. 

“Logan’s over the moon, because he doesn’t expect it. He mentioned to them that he was thinking about buying one but he wasn’t sure about it because he still listens to George’s (and Alex’s) heartbeat recordings more than he wants to listen to his own heart but sometimes he really wants to and for those times it’d be nice to have one. 

But they told him they’d talk about it in person and help him choose if he really wanted one. But then when they meet, there’s a box. With a stethoscope in it. And he can’t believe it. He can’t believe that these two love him this much even if he doesn’t do anything extra, he just tries to be happy and enjoy life and racing. He couldn’t wish for better people to be his found family. ❤”

After this I told her that we both knew how they spend the night now that they have two stethoscopes. “Imagine them both stething Alex. The person that hates attention and who’s really not used to his two favorite people caring about his heart at the same time.”

“If Alex’s being honest, he enjoys it because he trusts both of them and he deserves a bit of heart appreciation too. And they take really good care of him, all beats tracked, heart sounds checked, everything’s perfect. What an amazing way to spend Logan’s birthday and New Year’s Eve. The three of them together, stething each other, taking breaks to eat cake and drink champagne. Totally a dream come true for all three of them. No party could be better than this.”

This is where we ended the story, but then a few days later we brought it up again because my friend said that they work so well together that she could even imagine them in a romantic polyamorous relationship. The fact that she said this made me so happy I instantly jumped on the polyam Logan/George/Alex train. 

“Their romantic relationship would start with an accidental “I love you” from Logan to George after an emotionally (and maybe physically, too) difficult moment while he’s in George’s arms, being comforted. And when he realizes it, he’d run away (maybe to the bathroom or something) because of being too scared of what George (and Alex, oh my god) would think/say. But Alex would be quick enough to catch him before he’d close the bathroom door.

‘Hey, Logan, wait,’ Alex catches the boy’s hand, not letting him run into the bathroom. ‘S-sorry, oh my god, I'm so s-sorry.’ Logan’s shaking, his voice is trembling and he’s crying. His breathing is irregular, he gasps for air but it just makes the situation worse because he doesn’t actually get air into his lungs. 

‘Hey, breathe,’ Alex instructs him as they sit down in front of the bathroom door, ‘It's okay, Logan. It’s okay,’ he tries to make eye contact with Logan but it’s not easy, ‘You did nothing wrong. Nothing. You have to calm down, okay? So then we can talk.’

And when George realizes what’s happening, he runs after them and when he sees Logan hugging himself, he wants to run and hug him and tell him it’s okay, everything’s going to be okay. But Alex stops him. ‘Don’t,’ he touches George’s leg, ‘I know you want to help but maybe it’s better to try it from here, mhm? Maybe touching him would only make it worse now.’

‘Yeah, okay,’ George nods and sits down and watches Alex trying to help Logan. It’s really difficult to just sit there and not do anything when Logan’s clearly panicking. But he trusts Alex. He has helped George a lot, he knows what he’s doing. And maybe his method is better in this situation.”

Logan feels like he’s going to die. It’s too much and he’s scared and can’t breathe and he can’t make himself smaller and just disappear. 

“‘Logan, can you hear me?’ Alex asks, ‘You have to sit up straight or lie down on the floor or something, anything that doesn’t restrict your lungs, okay? We’re going to try and breathe together.’”

“Logan seeing George behind Alex sort of makes his heart clench up too, oh god, George is going to be so furious --- But Alex gets his attention. It takes him time before he would be able to reply, but he does hear Alex. ‘Uh…’ he will lie down. Scrambling further away from Alex, as far away into the bathroom he can get. And then he will lay down. ‘Yeah, okay. Okay.’ But god, his heart is racing so fast he feels it in his throat, like he's swallowing it down.’”

“‘Good job,’ Alex said, trying to concentrate on Logan while holding George’s hand to keep him as calm as possible. ‘Okay, now I’m going to start counting to help you calm your breathing down, please try and follow me. I’m going to tell you what to do at each step.’ 

And when Alex starts counting for Logan, George starts doing the breathing technique, too. He needs it, he needs to stop the panic before it gets stronger. Luckily Alex’s calm voice helps, as always. He hopes it’ll help Logan, too, because it breaks George’s heart to see him like that, so far away, struggling with breathing. He wishes he could hold him and tell him he loves him, too.”

And now not only Logan’s suffering but George, too. Poor Alex, one’s here, one’s there, but fortunately George can deal with it pretty well so Alex can put the focus on Logan. It’s pretty scary for George because he’s seen Logan panic a few times, they’ve gone through difficult situations together but he’s never seen him like this before.

“Alex’s got this. He’s good at this. He’s got George’s hand so he can put his thumb on George’s wrist and feel his pulse, know where he is in the panic… If he's calming down, ect. And he does calm down! Enough so that Alex doesn’t feel like he needs to monitor George anymore. 

Logan tries his best to follow the counting that Alex does, but it takes a few tries before he gets it right. He’s just worried that he’s ruined everything. The one good thing he has had in years…”

“When George starts feeling better, he starts thinking about what to say to Logan when he’s okay, too. He wants to show him that he’s loved and he has no reason to be scared of them, no matter what he says. 

‘Water,’ George whispers to Alex after a while, meaning he’ll go and get a glass of water for Logan for when he’s better. Alex nods and turns back to Logan. ‘You’re doing a great job,’ Alex says, ‘Can you feel your heart slowing down as you start breathing more regularly? Your lungs and heart work together, if you start breathing faster, your heart will also start beating faster. To help slow it down, the best thing you can do is to take some deep breaths. It’s not easy in the beginning but if you keep going, you’ll see the result. I can already see it.’

Logan closes his eyes and tries to keep doing the breathing. It slowly keeps getting easier, he can feel his heart slowing down beneath his palm as his lungs expand more easily. He can’t really speak yet but Alex tells him he doesn’t have to, he just talks to let him know he’s there and to provide an even and calming voice he can hold on to. 

‘Here’s the water,’ George says when he’s back. 

‘Thank you,’ Alex says with a soft smile on his face, proud of his boyfriend for wanting to help a minute after fighting with his own panic. ‘He’s getting better but we have to give him time. No running there and hugging, only when he’s asking for it or shows signs that he wants it. Okay?’ 

‘Okay.’”

“Logan feeling his heart slow down helps him feel like he’s going to be okay. He doesn’t feel like he's dying. He can think more clearly. Alex is helping more than he probably even realizes. 

Logan being brave enough to finally look over at Alex and make eye contact.”

“George leaves them alone because he knows it’s better for Logan to be with Alex now, he helps him more than George’s presence. 

Alex looks straight into Logan's eyes but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t move, he doesn’t talk, he just holds the glass in his hand, ready to give it to Logan when he asks for it. He’s glad Logan’s better now. 

‘Is George angry?’ is the first thing Logan asks, still lying on the ground, wanting to sit up but not having enough energy. ‘I remember him being with you but now I can’t see him…’”

“‘No, no, he’s not angry.’ Alex is quick to do some damage control on that. ‘H’'s worried about you, but there wasn’t much he could do to help you, so he’s waiting until you feel better.’ Softly smiles at Logan, gestures down at the water. ‘I can leave this in the middle of the room for you if you want it?’”

“‘I’m sorry,’ he says, taking a deep breath not to start crying again. ‘Please,’ he says when Alex mentions the water, ‘I feel thirsty. And tired.’ 

‘You don't have to apologize. We’ll talk when you’re ready,’ Alex puts the glass in the middle of the room, ‘It's normal to feel tired, panic attacks drain the energy. If you want to, you can sleep in our bed, it’d help.’ 

‘Thank you,’ Logan sits up to get the water and drinks a few sips, ‘I don't want to sleep. Not until... Until we’ve talked.’

‘We can talk now if that’s what you want,’ Alex offers. Logan nods. ‘Can... Can George come here?’ Logan asks, shyly, ‘I'm... I'm a bit scared but I want to apologize. For... For what I said. For this whole thing. For this whole day. I’m a mess today and you two have been so nice to me, helping everywhere and here I am, messing up everything because I’m stupid and can’t keep my mouth shut…’”

Logan really needs some slow, really gentle touches after some talking (for him to know that they still love him, and they love him that way, too, and they’re still the same people, they’re still safe to be close to), plus a lot of patience, love, comfort and a nice chest to snuggle to and fall asleep on. Slowly we’ll get there.

“‘I’ll bring him over, of course.’ Alex snaps to get George’s attention, and then gestures for him to come over. George would slowly make his way over, and sit next to Alex. He immediately smiles at Logan, hoping it’ll calm him a bit. 

‘Hi Logan.’ he says, and he leaves it at that. He doesn’t want to startle the poor boy after all this. Alex takes a deep breath, and gives the floor to Logan. ‘Whenever you're ready, at your own pace, okay?’”

“‘Thank you,’ Logan murmurs and waits for George to arrive. When he does, he sits in the corner of the room, far enough from Logan not to scare him. 

Logan nods to Alex and then looks at his hands on his lap, trying to find out how to start. But then he starts without any plans because he doesn’t want to make them wait for too long. 

‘I—I’d like to apologize,’ he starts and George immediately wants to cut in but Alex stops him. ‘For... For this whole day. For crying earlier, for the panic attack now, and for... For saying I love you. I—I don’t… want to apologize for… for loving you, I can’t control that. But I want to apologize for saying it. I should’ve kept it to myself. You two are in a happy monogamous relationship and I should’ve respected it. But I did not, and I’m really sorry about it and I hope that I didn’t mess up our relationship with it forever. I really hope so. Because... Because I love what we have and I don’t want you to feel like I want more and it’s not enough. It is, you make me happy, having you in my life is already more than what I imagined. I…’ he sighs and looks at George and then at Alex, ‘I don’t even know what I want to say. But I guess I just want to apologize and I hope... I hope I won’t lose you. But I understand if I’ve crossed a boundary with this. I think... I think this is all I wanted to say. Oh and thank you for the help. You’ve helped me so many times. I can’t be grateful enough. Thank you.’ 

George looks at Alex and then waits for a few seconds to see if Logan wants to add something else. When he stays silent and Alex nods, George opens his mouth and says, ‘I love you, Logan.’

It makes Logan smile. ‘You're so nice. But... For me it’s... A bit of a different kind of love. You don’t love me that way and it’s okay.’ 

‘We do, Logan,’ Alex says, ‘We love you. That way. We’ve been wanting to talk about it for some time now but we wanted to wait for the right time. We didn’t want it to have to talk about it like this, but now that we’re here, there’s no reason to keep it secret. We love you. We’re in love with you, Logan. Both of us.’”

“Logan just sort of chuckling in disbelief. ‘Right, of course you are.’ and laying back against the wall of the bathroom, hitting his head back against the wall. ‘Jesus christ, I can wake up at any moment now.’ 

And George is incessant. ‘Logan, we mean it. I know it’s probably quite a shock but it’s true. I know the timing is a bit muddled up, but…’ 

And then Logan sort of looks back over at them, studying them. Still a bit in disbelief but he swallows harshly.

‘It's not a sick joke?’ 

Alex frowning, ‘we would never do that to you, I promise.’ And then he just sort of goes boneless. Big relieved sigh. 

‘You love me? Both of you?’ 

‘Both of us,’ George confirms. And then Logan sort of laughs this breathy soft little laugh and crawls back over to them.”

“He crawls back over to them and pulls them close to himself for a group hug, trying not to cry, this time from relief. They’re in love with him. 

‘I could’ve spared this panic attack, I guess,’ he jokes as George pulls him to his chest and he closes his eyes for a moment as Alex rests his hand on Logan’s back. “Sorry about it.’”

“‘Don’t be sorry, how were you supposed to know?’ George is so soft and earnest, giving Logan the biggest hug ever. ‘I'm just sorry you had to suffer through it. I hate seeing you so scared.’ 

And it's true, seeing Logan well and truly frightened like that, it’s… It’s just awful.”

“‘Yeah,’ he sighs, ‘You’re right.’ 

‘We should go back to the bedroom, the bed is more comfortable than the ground in the bathroom.’

 ‘Can we cuddle there?’ 

‘Of course,’ George says, hinting a kiss on Logan’s hair. “You can take a nap on my chest. Or on Alex’s. Would that help?’”

Here I sent a pic of George’s hair almost forming a heart shape, and then I incorporated it in my reply:

“‘Your hair,’ Logan’s eyes light up when they sit down on the bed and he notices George’s hair, ‘It's almost— Can I?’ he asks, gesturing towards George’s hair. 

‘Of course,’ George smiles, not really knowing what to expect as he feels Logan’s hands on his hair. 

‘Now it’s perfect heart. A just had to put the ends closer,’ he explains with a satisfied smile on his face.

‘Aww,’ George pulls him closer to kiss his forehead while Alex grabs his phone to take a pic of the moment. It’s going to be his new wallpaper. George’s heart shaped hair and him kissing Logan, a moment from the beginning of a new chapter in their relationship.”

The End

And this is it, the story of the really special and beautiful relationship Logan, George and Alex have in me and my friend’s universe. ❤

Thank you so much for letting me talk about it, and if you see this here, then thank you so much for reading this. If you stayed here through a bit more than 10K words, I hope you liked reading this and getting to know these three amazing people and a few moments of their relationship. They’re really special to me. I hope there will be some people who’ll think the same because I think Logan/George/Alex is a beautiful polyam couple. 

Also, if you’re still here and still interested in this universe, me and my friend have also talked about another story in this universe where Alex gets a fever and Logan’s the one who’s at home with him and he has to deal with Alex being sick alone, for the first time since they’ve been in a relationship. It’s much shorter than this, around 2K right now in the document but it has all of our unrelated little messages, too, so it’ll be even shorter when I delete everything that’s not the story. If you’d like to read that, too, send an ask. ❤

Also, I’m open to talk about this universe, hear people’s thoughts, headcanons or anything about it. I love reading people’s thoughts about my stories so if this has given you any little idea or anything, don’t be afraid to share it with me. ❤

Have a nice day/night. ❤

[yeagerfate]

what their hugs feel like.

pairings: eren, jean, armin, reiner

genre: angsty hurt/comfort

warnings: panic attack (in eren's), jean has to relocate reader’s shoulder, reader walks in on reiner when he’s about to shoot himself (sorry), i love them, you can tell jean and eren and reiner are my fav aot boys (i love them soooooo much mwah mwah), s4 spoilers in reiner's, s1 spoilers in jean’s, can you tell i wrote jean's, reiner’s and armin’s way after i wrote eren's. anyways reiner makes me so sad i want to hug him :( he is so

note: hi, this is my first post on tumblr! i am so excited to post some of my ideas on here. currently, my requests are open. if you have any ideas, let me know! reiner’s is by far my fav out off all of these and i really don’t like armin’s lol, i don’t have a beta reader so i tried to proof read this but idk if it worked, also my top 3: eren, ymir, and reiner/jean i can't choose. is this bad please tell me this isn't bad

-

EREN:

Eren's hugs are determined yet soft.

All he wanted to do in that moment was make you feel safe; an expedition had just ended. You were shaken from the titans you'd seen, eating innocent soldiers who were just doing their jobs

"It’s fine," Eren murmured to you as he held your hands tightly to ground you. It wasn’t fine, and he knew that, but he still told you it anyway. He just wanted you to stop being so terror-stricken

Your hands were shaking, your eyes were darting around like you were looking for a titan to come get you, and you were breathing heavily

"N-no it isn't," You replied, your voice small. "You don't understand, Eren. Those people-"

He had cut you off when he pulled you into a warm hug. "Shh. It’s okay,” He whispered. "We’re okay now, I won't let anything happen to you."

His embrace was welcoming and comforting, and for a moment you'd almost forgotten about what you'd just seen

Your face was hidden in the crook of his neck as you began to calm down. Eren slightly turned his head to the side to kiss your cheek sweetly, his eyes closing as he comforted you silently. His hand went up to cup the back of your head, and he began to rub his hand back and forth as you sobbed quietly

His free hand was drawing circles on your back. Your arms, however, were wrapped around his neck desperately

"You’re my girl," Eren whispers. "I promise I’ll keep you safe."

JEAN

Jean’s hugs are warm and tight. I imagine he has a firm handshake too but that’s off topic lol

During the Battle of Trost, You ran out of fuel for your ODM gear and had to make a run for it while a titan was coming at you. (Though you were saved by a strange, mysterious titan with long brown hair and green eyes. You thought he had a striking similarity to Eren but would never say such a thing out loud especially since you knew how much he hated the titans. Later on you found out you were right though. He does have titan powers!)

While you were trying to get away you’d dislocated your shoulder. Because you’d taken health classes during training, you’d immediately realized what had happened, and a terrible sense of dread ran down your spine. You really didn’t wanna deal with the pain of someone relocating your shoulder

Once you’d found Jean, your best friend who you had a huge crush on, You told him what had happened

His face dropped

“Please, I need you to fix it for me. I don’t want to let some random nurse do it in an uncomfortable, smelly tent after this is over. It hurts so bad, please, jean,” You begged. Nurses and doctors already gave you a lot of anxiety when you were a kid, and now that you were in a life-threatening situation it was even worse

“Okay,” He replied. “Okay, okay, okay…” He muttered to himself, and took a deep breath. He was extremely scared he somehow wouldn’t do it right despite his first-aid training and would hurt you even more

It seemed as soon as he started he finished, but it was the worst pain you’d ever felt in your entire life

You screamed in agony and discomfort, and even though you only dislocated your shoulder, it felt like your entire body was aching

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He cried out. He immediately pulled you into a hug, wrapping his arms around your back and pulling you in

Tears streamed down your smoke and bloodstained face, and everything felt so overwhelming. You were just glad Jean had done it for you and not some stranger

“Holy shit, fuck, fuck, fuck, that hurt like a son of a bitch,” You gasped out. Your voice was hoarse from all the screaming

And a couple days later, when you finished truly recovering and you finally had time to think about what happened, a small blush had risen to your cheeks, thinking about the way your bestfriend had helped you.

Maybe, you did have a chance…

ARMIN

Armin's hugs are soft and sweet. They’re laced with love

Armin had been completely humiliated in combat training today. Shadis had partnered him up with Marco, one of the worst fighters in the 104th, and yet he still couldn't hold his ground.

He was so embarrassed he didn't even show up to dinner, which made you, Mikasa, and Eren even more concerned. Marco felt horrible

So, you decided to sneak into the boy's dorms. No one else was even there anyway, and you'd never really gotten in trouble before, so you weren't afraid of Shadis

"Armin," You called out, but your voice was cautious. You didn’t want him to be caught off guard

As you walked to his bed, your heart broke. Armin looked like he was both famished and in complete despair. His knees were tucked to his chest and tears spilled out of his baby blue eyes. His blonde hair was messy and knotty, and you could tell he was stressed. You sat next to him and the bed creaked obnoxiously

"How am I supposed to make it if I can't even do good in combat training? It’s so basic, I’m not gonna make it if I can't get better. what am I gonna do? I don't wanna be shipped off to the fields. I-“

"Armin, honey," You cooed, and placed your warm hand on his shoulder. You guided his head to lay on you. "You underestimate yourself. Who cares if you're not as good at combat training? We’re fighting titans, not people. You excel in the education part of training, and you're respected by your peers. I am so proud of you, Armin. I know you will succeed. and if you get shipped off, I’m going too."

Armin sniffled, and as he looked up at the confident look on your face, he knew that you were right. He pulled you in for a hug, and hid his face in your neck.

"Eren’s worried about you. He says he'll beat Marco up if you want him too!"

"NO!"

REINER

Reiner’s hugs are desperate and hesitant. It’s strange for him to receive affection after everything he’s been through

One day, you decided you wanted to surprise Reiner at work. You could tell something was off with your husband but you couldn’t quite tell what it was; you wanted to cheer him up

You didn’t even think of knocking. You visited him so much nowadays that it was an afterthought. And thank the Lord it was

The sight before you was horrifying. You opened your mouth, but not a sound came out. As soon as Reiner saw you enter his office, he freaked the fuck out

He dropped the gun, watching as it made a loud clatter on the wooden floor. His eyes were wide and his sweaty hands were shaking. He looked almost fearful; like the little boy he once used to be… the one who would get screamed at during training because he was so weak

“What… is this?” You dropped the cookies you had made specially for him, but you didn’t care. Suddenly, you were breathing heavily, and if you blinked one more time tears would fall. Your vision was blurry, and the entire room looked shaky.

“What are you doing? Honey… Reiner, please, please don’t leave me. I need you here, please, Rei, stay, stay,” You pleaded, and suddenly your arms were wrapped tightly around him, his face hidden by your stomach. He was still sitting in his chair, completely in shock

You were hyperventilating, shaking, and were about to throw up. What happened? Your sweet Reiner was going to do this to himself? You thought everything had been going good… had you not been paying enough attention to him?

A thousand thoughts were running through your head but they all were interrupted when you felt his strong, muscular arms wrap around your torso. His shoulders shook rapidly, his face hidden away in your shirt, and for the first time in your entire life, you saw him cry

“Sorry, ‘m sorry, please don’t-“ His voice was laced with anguish and despair and all you had ever wanted in that moment was to take his pain away. The sounds of his weeping broke your heart, and his deep voice almost sounded unnatural while crying. You were not used to it at all; he’d always tried to “act like a man” around you, and not worry you. All he did was bottle up his emotions, unbeknownst to you

“It’s okay, we’ll do this together, honey, it’s fine, you’re fine, it’s good,” You breathed out, your voice heavy. You both knew it was definitely not fine, but you’d work through it together. Reiner was your husband, after all.

[honey-dandelion]

Hello everyone !! My name is AD, 19 and my pronouns are she/her!! I am a multi muse, filipino roleplayer/writer!!

I am quite new to the rp community in tumblr so please understand that I'm inexperienced. This blog is mostly to find more reigen rp partners who can giggle and ramble with me about Ron Weasley!

Currently, i am into Harry Potter!! I’d like to preface and say I do NOT support anything JK Rowling has said (as I am bi myself) and any transphobic statements she’s made is something I will never agree with.

My current hyperfixation character as of the moment is actually Ron Weasley! He’s my favorite character by far and I can go on and on about rambling towards him :3 though he doesn’t have to be my main actually! Im looking for any Ron role players :D as long as I get to write ships or just in general, sweet stories about him.

I have a few set of rules i would also like to make as a seperate post but as of right now, i will be writing them here so please take the time to read them in case you ever want to write or just simply chat with me about anything!!

* Main muses are Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Theodore Nott and Draco Malfoy! I can also do the Weasley family and can even do Ron as well if preferred!

* usually write on discord and prefer to have a server for all the rps. I draw, write and speed out ideas a LOT btw so please be warned. I'm a rambler and I really love Ron a lot and want to interact with people who love it or just generally love Ron as much as I do!

* I am a big romance shipper but I also love writing platonic relationships between characters! Like family found dynamics and such. I am also a rare shipper kind of gal- like shipping Draco and Ron sometimes LOL

* I write mostly romance for aged up/adult characters

* I can word vomit and write long replies a lot- it's how I usually write so please don't feel pressured to write the same length as me!!

* Via discord rp; PLEASE tell me if I write something that ever makes you uncomfortable- I can edit it out and such, I don't mind as long as everyone feels safe.

* I'm really biased with Ron. I can be ooc with him a bit so please do not attack me if you have any problems with my mischaracterization of him. I am only here to have fun and write, to indulge myself with people. I don’t mind ooc

* I have school and responsibilities from my parents so if I don't answer, I'm probs asleep, working or @ college

* Lasty; Dont be shy with interacting with me! I am always happy to make mutuals and friends around here! I would love to answer any questions- either in character or just questions you would want to know about me!! So please dont be shy :D

• FOR NSFW STUFF; PLEASE STOP HERE WHEN YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE TOPIC. THANK YOU AGAIN.

• I usually just write doms/tops and I can get pretty hardcore with smut writing — please tell me if there is any kinks or stuff in smut you don't want to read! I also like dark topics but absolutely no adult/kid. That shit is not allowed in my rp blog. I'm very into some dark content and such but if that's not your cup of tea, please avoid the " DARK TOPIC // " tag.

• I only write nsfw of adult characters and ocs; cant do erp via me. I will only do them via discord as I am way too shy to write them publicly. PLEASE NOTE THOUGH that i will not just write on a whim. I will be able to make headcanons and such but i need to get to know you and feel comfortable enough to write it. I do write suggestive content here and there so my tags here will be " NSFW // " in case you ever want to avoid it.

[askklisba]

Hello friends! So glad you found me! XD, it makes me so happy!😸

（I used a translator throughout this article🙏）

Regarding how to call me, you can call me whatever you want!

Gender pronouns: Anything is fine, just follow your ideas!

Understand and respect each other, although there is no truly accurate understanding and respect in this world... Just do your best, don't be too strict on yourself!

In short, I am an amateur painting enthusiast, not a professional in art, and my painting skills are not very good, but I like to try various media to paint!

I usually create my OC and some fan works of my favorite works or games! !

I'm not very good at expressing myself, and I often use swear words and colloquialisms, incomprehensible jokes, and topics like tobacco and alcohol. I'm sorry. If you feel uncomfortable, you can block me!

I have some mental problems, this will sometimes cause my words to be illogical, and my poor English may cause misunderstandings... But I will try my best to adjust the sentences translated by the translator and the expressions of my native language（简体中文/繁體中文）!

I am a person who talks a lot of nonsense! But it is easy to make typos when excited...

! OK, please pay attention!

I never self-harm, like cutting myself with a knife! I also don’t feel like I need preferential treatment just because I have a mental problem and I’m receiving formal treatment.

! ! I have never had a drug addiction or a history of taking drugs, I only smoke legal cigarettes and drink legal liquor! !I am an adult, and I strongly discourage letting others smoke and drink excessively (especially children who are underage, don’t do this!)

Anyway, normal communication is ok! ❤️

Don't worry, I have a good temper! But it's best not to mess with me, really.

There may be some here (note that it may appear, not necessarily, but please pay attention to those who feel uncomfortable, please)

❗️❗️↓↓↓❗️❗️

NSFW (there may be, generally I will not post it or draw it. Come out)/For the character’s gender change/Cute girl painting style/frightening and unsettling(such as monsters, uncanny valley effect, spiritual curiosity, many dense holes, etc.)

There’s bound to be: lots of plasma! /Character is seriously injured/Character is animalized (not Furry!)/Character is anthropomorphized/My thoughts and daily complaints/About the portrayal of tobacco and alcohol in works and realistic speech/Bad sentences translated by the translator

Although I have a strong acceptance of sexual fetishes, I do have my limits......😑

Please note that these make me feel uncomfortable

Molestation/rape of young children

Bring crimes from the virtual world to reality and implement them. (Really heartless)

Plagiarism and controversial works

! ! ! quarrel! ! ! I don't like to quarrel!

Badly behaved cliques (please remind me if there are any!)

ky (this abbreviation originates from Japanese)

Dislike very much:

1. Some people who send me photos of self-harm. I respect you guys but I have ptsd about it and I've met some terrible people and they've affected me to this day... I don't like flashbacks. Please also don’t follow me or harass me, thank you.🙏🙏🙏

2. Constantly asking me to do something or paint something/coercing or even threatening me to do something I don’t want to do!

3. You can dislike me and my works, you can block me, or you can point out my shortcomings or mistakes and tell me, but please don't be sarcastic or make personal attacks on me! This makes no sense at all!

4. Political related (I am looking for works I like in the virtual world rather than engaging in keyboard battles. I know what is happening in this world, which is difficult to evaluate. I hope you can understand, and hope everything is fine...😔🙏)

5. Racists (Get out of my sight immediately! At least you are not welcome here!)

6. I cannot take care of everyone's personal feelings, nor can I meet everyone's requirements and expectations. I am just an ordinary human being.

7. Maliciously attack and ridicule those who are suffering pain and suffering

! If you feel uncomfortable after reading this nonsense, please block me immediately, thank you!

Alright! In short, whatever I look like in your eyes, that's what I look like. I cannot become what others like for various reasons... You can like or hate me (including my works). It's all ok, I don't mind blocking me when you really hate me! It doesn’t matter, it’s human nature!

Anyway, it's nice to meet you!🌹🥺🌹❤️‍🔥

Other words may be added slowly in the future!

[asianpopfan]

I wish it was common sense/etiquette among kpop fans to avoid attacking or discussing an extreme scandal of a certain idol under pages or posts that aren’t related to them or where there are all other members too.

This kind of ruins the vibe and puts everybody on an ulterior bad mood. Reason being that not only the other idols/group members shouldn’t see, they probably are already overwhelmed themselves much more than us, they worked and lived with this person for many years, imagine the shock for them, I assume that they are in a mourning period. They don’t deserve to see this.

But in general too, this is quite triggering for some visitors and fans to witness. If I see a discussion about that one topic under a kpop related tag for something else I get pissed off and uncomfortable/triggered. Do you think that people looking for a fluff fanfiction of X member of XY group or even a member of this person’s (former) group wants to be slammed with this? Have some consideration and respect. Isn’t Tumblr of all places where users are the most considerate of trigger warnings? Rightful use of tags are also a trigger warning. {It’s fine to use general tags like “X group”}.

If you want to express your feelings do it under their Bubble (IF you already have it, there is a fee per idol, don’t pay anything just to hate, don’t give him money!) or under their social media posts, the ones that are ONLY about them. No other person! So not on the general Weverse fan posts section, under their own comment sections, their own Instagram and Twitter posts/comments, nobody else involved!. Maybe follow the investigation and be there to shame this person publicly when they go to prison! But please don’t send trucks at SM, don’t discuss them under his groups’s stuff etc.

It really bothers me because even months/years from now, the posts on Weverse or comments on other social media might stay up, now, there are way too many people posting regularly on Weverse etc but imagine if one goes down long enough to see this. It’s a sour memory to keep. Be wary of your digital footprint not just for yourself but for other people’s sake too. The Weverse is to interact with fans, this person is already off of his group and probably can’t access their own Weverse or soon won’t be able to, the people seeing these posts are the innocent ones who of course nobody is blaming, but still would feel their chest tightening. I seriously don’t want this memory, this footprint under this group’s “safe space” with fans, the memory of a mistake that shall not be named.

Side note: This doesn’t worry much but there is also a member currently doing their first solo album promotions (which can’t be postponed because everything was already announced planned out, there is more than just the idol working behind the scenes+sponsors, haven’t you noticed how all companies have their own set of 3 months in which they make their artists release things various times a year?, obviously they would prefer to shuffle them to give everyone a chance but do what they can) and this news came less than 24 hours before his first music show performance. I know that this member will be fine because they are already well established, popular, have solo endorsements and multiple (all viral) singles behind; but I profoundly hope that nobody even mentions this situation under any of his posts regarding his solo.

[s-talking]

first thing’s first! everything you see on this blog, ( including character art - icons - icon border - theme - divider - etc.. etc.. ) were all personally drawn, written, & made-up by me, so please kindly do  NOT  take anything whatsoever. envy’s horror story took indeed many years to develop, but so did every little aesthetic & concept art to match & i’m pretty sure nobody likes their stuff taken.

all in all, i’m not really selective but much like everyone else, i reserve the right to soft-block anyone who either makes me feel uncomfortable or breaks any of the rules mentioned here.

again, since this blog does & will contain mature content, please kindly do not follow if you’re under the age of   18  or if you are easily disturbed by really  GRIM / MORBID / HORROR  &  YANDERE-ESQUE  stuff, thank you.

you don’t ever need to match my post length or make your post fancy, i honestly just care about the effort itself in the end.

when it comes to plotting, i’m generally full of ideas but it’s also not very fun to be doing everything alone so please, kindly work with me, especially if you’re the one following me first. likewise, if we’ve only just started interacting & are currently in the middle of plotting, don’t just leave me hanging for days on end because if you’re constantly active on dash & go radio silent... well, i’ll just assume you’re no longer interested. it’s as simple as that. i’ll give around 3-4 days before unfollowing, unless you’re offline.

all information about envy can be found on the blog itself, however, please be sure to read his ‘  personality  ‘ section in particular, especially if you’re interested in shipping with him or if your own character happens to be very intimidating, scary, or powerful.

adding to the point above, should your muse ever taunt, attack, or merely rub him the wrong way, don't expect for the ' yandere ' factor to be some kind of failsafe; envy is extremely fake, ruthless, & sadistic, & didn't think twice before murdering his first love. he is as domineering & possessive as he is truly heartless, & i won't ever tone him down.

MUN  -//-  CHARACTER. please do remember that these two are extremely different. i’m literally nothing like envy nor do i have a creepy eldritch grandma breathing down my neck. the same goes for any potential love interests in threads. what happens  in  character will always be  in  character. also, on similar note, i literally feel  NO  pity whatsoever towards envy & do not approve of the wicked things he says or does so if someone finally kills his yandere ass ─ that’s wholly on him, & i’m completely fine with it.

my only real  ‘ taboo ‘   topics are any mentions of d.i.d, cancer or other terminal illnesses.  SORRY.  accounts revolving around such are going to be avoided, as none of those will ever be taken lightly ─ far too personal / heavy of a topic.

since this blog is currently on semi-hiatus, from time to time i’ll disappear for few days ( or even weeks ) due to life being life, but usually it’s nothing major & i’ll promptly return. no worries. anything as big as a hiatus shall be notified on dash & even so, i’ll eventually return anyway. ~

if i happen to follow you, it means i’ve already read your rules / about page & would love to role-play ( even if i don’t send in a password ).

that’s it! thank you for reading & i hope you’ll stick around to role-play!

[2309analysis]

⌗ | RULES ⛲️

1. Please do not spam my works. I don’t want to get over flooded with notifications of you liking me. I appreciate the love, I really do. Although, reblogging is just as appreciated and it’s more beneficial. Please be wary of this. 3 - 5 posts a day.

2. Please do not put NSFW content in my replies unless if stated that you can. * (Which will be mostly never) * I don’t want to be associated with it. It honestly discomforts me if somebody randomly associated me with smut & nudes without knowing. It just irks me thinking about it.

3. No slurs. Please. I find them very stupid and stressful to deal with. Regardless of race or heritage, I won’t allow it here. You will be blocked if provoked by me. You get two warnings.

4. Please don’t insult others in my replies. It’s unnecessary, opinions are opinions. Not facts. It’s my job to answer those, not yours. If you have questions over them, ask, don’t harass. Don’t be a prick. Gives you a very big reputation.

5. My NSFW will be very minimal, and I will probably barely post any. So, 15+ with them. If you’re underage please do not interact. * (Replies, reblogs) * I prefer not to have younger eyes pry on my work. You’re allowed to read my regular stories though. It’s for everyone unless stated otherwise.

6. Consecutive criticism. It will be the only one I allow. If you have any writing or editing advice to give me, I’m free to hear it. Although I won’t accept you guys just calling me out on my mistakes and expecting me to know what’s immediately wrong with it. That is rude and disrespectful towards the artist. At least give some feedback and reason why.

7. If you catch any mistake within my writings, please directly message me. I don’t like having those exposed. I’m a bit insecure about my writing, so I prefer it if you’re private with it. Please and thank you. I’ll respect your mistakes too, and directly message you on them as well.

8. You guys are allowed to send me messages / questions. I have no guarantee I’ll immediately reply. Remember, I am busy too, I have my own life outside my phone and & platforms. If I don’t reply within a week or two, you’re allow to message me again. Or send me a question asking me to reply. I will get to you as soon as I can. I do not have the best motivations to get to my messages.

9. Please be aware of what and how you’re saying things. Some people might feel uncomfortable about what you could say. So please be wary of the topics & comments you’re about to say. Remember, not everyone is like you, and you don’t know them personally.

10. Please put "TW" before sending something with possible triggers. You may not know if they will trigger someone because of personal reasons. No you will not ask for them unless they're comfortable telling you, and if they are please dm that stuff. <- For the triggers.

11. If someone sends something that offends please don't blow up at them and act they know it's not right or that they knew it would offend you, like with misunderstandings it's too dramatic to deal with. Also if they don't feel the need to explain just ignore them for a while, it they make you upset then don't talk to them.

12. * (This kinda goes with rule 11.) * Please do not send any personal attacks to someone. Also don't make it another's problem, if you need someone to support you with something, please go dm.

13. Please don't use anything that others find annoying, upsetting, or triggering to get their attention, under their skin, or just to be a prick. If they would like you to stop saying these certain things then stop it, once should be enough. I will block you.

14. Cussing. You’re completely allowed to cuss in my, just be responsible and respectful with it. Please do not cuss every third word. It makes it awkward and a bit immature.

15. Please do not spam in the comments. It’s not going to be a fun game when you’re blocked. I don’t want others to feel pressured, and same regards to me too. If you have a request, send it through questions. If you have a questions, dm them. You’re allowed a discuss in replies, and reply to others. Just don’t overload with them.

Hello this isn't a rule more like a comforting reminder. Your emotions are valid, if you're angry that's okay, if you don't wanna talk, that's okay, if you're down or upset, that's okay.

Please don't feel guilty for not being at your best while talking to someone here, that is what vents are for. To help you guys through problems you're currently going through.

That is all for now! I hope you guys read these careful and keep them in consideration. You can always come back here to relook at them. It is not embarrassing, it is necessary. Do not feel ashamed for forgetting a few rules. We all do.

I hope y’all have a wonderful rest of your day! I hope these rules are reasonable enough, and if you have any recommendations or suggestions / questions, feel free to give them to me in replies! If you do not want to reply it, dm or give it as a question. I don’t not mind anyway you do it! You are heard and I want to make sure you know it! ^^

[decentgarbage]

BYI +BEFORE WE BECOME MOOTS

Gen BYI (basically for new comers, people who wanna do art trades w/me, etc.):

I’m a minor (15), so if that makes you uncomfortable, if recommended you leave

From the time I’m posting this, it’s near the end of the year for school, and have a lot going on, the main point here is I’m REALLY busy sometimes, so if you wanna do an art trade with me or a collab, don’t expect it to be done immediately

THIS IS A SELF SHIPPING BLOG, sometimes I post about things about stuff that isn’t self ship related, but most of the time you’ll see self ship content (mainly for comfort!!), so if that makes you uncomfortable, you can leave

On the topic of self shipping, I’m a huge Tsukasa self shipper, like HUGE!! And I’m usually uncomfortable with other ships with him, and when people self ship/crush on him, to others this may seem silly but it genuinely makes me uncomfortable

I’m an atheistic satanist, and I try to make that clear, so if you don’t believe in that stuff, it’s fine!! I won’t attack you! But if you are uncomfortable with that, I recommend you block and move on

I vent sometimes but it’s rare (this isn’t a vent blog dw). If you don’t want to deal with that, block the tag “Pointless Vents”

Before we become moots or friends (self explanatory):

I’m diagnosed autistic!! So I struggle to understand social cues, a hard time focusing, struggle with communication, experience burnout, and a whole lot of stuff, please be patient with me, and if I say/do something to make you uncomfortable, please just tell me and I’ll try to keep it in mind

PLEASE FOR THE LIFE OF ME USE TONE TAGS!! I don’t know when someone is coming off as rude or if they’re being genuine so PLEASE use them

Sometimes I say slurs (I reclaim) ummm not all the time, but if it makes you uncomfortable lmk and I won’t do it in front of you!!

If you need a break or block me and we’re moots/friends, let me know first!! I won’t be mad about it and will be understanding. I also struggle with trauma, and a whole lot of stuff, and blocking me without any warning makes me feel awful

DONT BE AFRAID TO SET BOUNDARIES WITH ME, I may have stuff that I struggle with and things yeah, but you do too!! If I do/say something that makes you uncomfortable, just say it and I won’t do it again, boundaries make things a lot more of a safe space!

Although I will listen, I struggle with comforting people and stuff when others are venting, although I’m getting better at it, I may not be the first person to go to to vent, I’d recommend you ask before venting to me, and I’ll try my best to respond!!

If we’re ever on call and I ask “what did you say?” Like… 20 billion times, that’s probably my apd! I have a hard time processing what people say to me and it can be really confusing at times so yea :P

If you see something you think I won’t like, use the tag “Lane dont look”

That’s about it I think!! I might add more in the future

[sinnercore]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀── ⠀⠀RULES !

ⓘ DO NOT INTERACT / BEFORE YOU FOLLOW ! ⠀⠀

• do not interact if you’re homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, fatphobic etc. this blog has no tolerance and no room for hate against anyone.

• if you are a minor, you are not welcome on this blog. minors do not even interact with this blog, this is a place for ADULTS to be comfortable, and only a place for adults. all minors / ageless / blank blogs WILL be blocked.

• don’t bother interacting if you’re someone that causes drama whether fandom drama or writer drama. like stated, this is a hate free place and is meant to be a comfortable place. do not being your drama to my asks or you’ll be permanently blocked.

• don’t interact if your blog has anything to do with lolicon, zoophilia, fetishisation of race, religion, sexuality, has anything to do with proana / ed’s, or anything with a similar nature.

• if you have any questions or concerns, feel free to DM me. however, if you take issue with my writings and what I choose to write for, do NOT interact! this is a dark content blog and posts such content. the contents on this blog may make some people uncomfortable, so ALWAYS read the tags at the beginning of my posts. CURATE YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE! if you choose to read something triggering, that’s on you, not me.

• JUST BECAUSE I WRITE ABOUT CERTAIN TOPICS, DOES NOT MEAN I CONDONE THEM IN REAL LIFE! please learn to separate fiction from reality.

ⓘ BASIC INFORMATION !

• the majority of my fics will be written with female readers in mind, however I will occasionally write gender neutral / male reader fics, too.

• most of my fics will also be submissive reader, but that will occasionally change!

• if you send in requests, please be specific. this means, the topic / scenario, the character/s (max of 5 per request), and what you actually want. I will refuse to answer asks like “smut with ___” give me some deets.

• respect that I am a slow writer, I lose motivation a lot and my disability often stops me from being able to concentrate enough for lengthy posts. I will write, and post, when I can.

• my asks are always open for talking, and especially sending thirsts / horny thoughts — I love talking about stuff like that and I enjoy being able to talk to you guys <;33

• please do not duplicate asks — meaning do not send me the same request you’ve already sent to another person. it’s just disrespectful and if I find out you’ve done it, the request will be deleted and you’ll be blocked.

ⓘ WHAT I WILL WRITE FOR !

• aphrodisiacs, anal, age gaps, breeding, breath play, bondage, cumflation, cum eating, cuckolding, corruption kinks, dubcon, dacryphilia, daddy / mommy kink, drugging (sometimes), degradation, femdom, fisting, fear play, gun play, knife play, kidnapping, lactation, monsterfucking, noncon, pegging, power dynamics, praising, roleplay, stepcest, spitting, somnophilia, tentacle fucking, water sports and more.

ⓘ WHAT I WILL NOT WRITE FOR !

• age play, anything involving animals, child abuse, eating disorders, extreme gore, foot fetishes, gender dysphoria, heavy drug use / addiction (heroin, meth etc), high school student × high school teacher (college is fine), pet play, suicide, stds, self-harm, scat, snuff, vomit, vore, and probably more.

ⓘ FANDOMS + CHARACTERS !

attack on titan — [ annie leonhart, armin arlert, connie springer, eren jaeger, erwin smith, hange zoë, historia reiss, jean kirschtein, levi ackerman, mikasa ackerman, pieck finger, porco galliard, reiner braun, sasha braus, zeke jaeger ]

bleach — [ byakuya kuchiki, gin ichimaru, grimmjow jaegerjaquez, ichigo kurosaki, kisuke urahara, mayuri kurotsuchi, orihime inoue, rangiku matsumoto, renji abarai, rukia kuchiki, shunsui kyōraku, soi-fon, sōsuke aizen, tōshirō hitsugaya, ulquiorra cifer, yasutora sado (chad), yoruichi shihōin, zaraki kenpachi, + and more ]

dc universe — [ dick grayson / nightwing, jason todd / red hood ] *more to come soon*

dead by daylight — [ the artist, the doctor, ghostface, the huntress, the knight, the legion (frank + joey), michael myers, nemesis, the nurse, the oni, the pig, pinhead, the plague, pyramid head, the skull merchant, the spirit, the trapper, the trickster, albert wesker, the wraith, + all survivors ]

devil may cry — [ dante sparda, nero sparda, v, vergil sparda + dmc reboot dante, kat, and vergil]

genshin impact — [ albedo, alhaitham, arataki itto, beidou, cyno, dainsleif, diluc, dottore, kaedehara kazuha, kaeya, kamisato ayato, kujou sara, ningguang, raiden shogun, shenhe, shikanoin heizou, tartaglia, thoma, venti, wanderer, xiao, yae miko, zhongli + more ]

honkai : star rail — [ blade, caelus, dan heng, jing yuan, gepard, himeko, kafka, luocha, nanook, natasha, sampo, serval, welt, + more ]

jujutsu kaisen — [ choso, kento nanami, mahito, maki zen’in, megumi fushiguro, naoya zen’in, ryomen sukuna, satoru gojo, suguru geto, toji fushiguro, yuji itadori + more ]

resident evil — [ albert wesker, ada wong, chris redfield, claire redfield, jack krauser, jake muller, jill valentine, luis serra, piers nivans ]

[puppywawa]

Hello everyone !! My name is AD, 18 and my pronouns are she/her!! I am a multi muse, filipino roleplayer/writer!! I am quite new to the rp community in tumblr so please understand that I'm inexperienced. This blog is mostly to find more reigen rp partners who can giggle and ramble with me about serirei Currently, i am into mp100!! i love the anime with all my heart, have finished the manga and currently consuming anything reigen and serizawa related LOL My current muses right now are Serizawa Katsuya and Kageyama Ritsu; I am more experienced with Serizawa but i also do love writing Ritsu! I have a few set of rules i would also like to make as a seperate post but as of right now, i will be writing them here so please take the time to read them in case you ever want to write or just simply chat with me about anything!!

-----

• Main muses are Serizawa and Ritsu!

• I usually write on discord and prefer to have a server for all the rps. I draw, write and speed out ideas a LOT btw so please be warned. I’m a rambler and I really love Serirei a lot and want to interact with people who love it or just generally love mp100 as much as I do!

• I write mostly romance for adult characters ( between Reigen and Serizawa ) but I can indulge with some Ritshou but I will not write anything nsfw of them; the most I can do for them is soft feelings and pecks but other than that, I am not comfortable writing anything else between the two. I am, however— very indulgent with Serirei ( as long as I can have Serizawa smothering love towards reigen ) and will bend myself for the ship.

• I can word vomit and write long replies a lot- it’s how I usually write so please don’t feel pressured to write the same length as me!! • Via discord rp; PLEASE tell me if I write something that ever makes you uncomfortable- I can edit it out and such, I don’t mind as long as everyone feels safe.

• I’m really biased with Serizawa. I can be ooc with him a bit so please do not attack me if you have any problems with my mischaracterization of him. I am only here to have fun and write, to indulge myself with people.

• I’m also a little bit biased with ships. Im very serirei but I’m open to ideas like dimple x serizawa as long as my rp partner is indulged!

• I have school and responsibilities from my parents so if I don’t answer, I’m probs asleep, working or @ school • Lasty; Dont be shy with interacting with me! I am always happy to make mutuals and friends around here! I would love to answer any questions- either in character or just questions you would want to know about me!! So please dont be shy :D &lt;333 ------

• FOR NSFW STUFF; PLEASE STOP HERE WHEN YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE TOPIC. THANK YOU AGAIN.

• I usually just write doms/tops and I can get pretty hardcore with smut writing— please tell me if there is any kinks or stuff in smut you don’t want to read! I also like dark topics but absolutely no adult/kid. That shit is not allowed in my rp blog. I’m very into some dark serizawa content and such but if that’s not your cup of tea, please avoid the " DARK TOPIC // " tag. • I only write nsfw of characters and ocs; cant do erp via me. I will only do them via discord as I am way too shy to write them publicly. PLEASE NOTE THOUGH that i will not just write on a whim. I will be able to make headcanons and such but i need to get to know you and feel comfortable enough to write it. I do write suggestive content here and there so my tags here will be " NSFW // " in case you ever want to avoid it.

[bmaxwell]

Final Fantasy 7 Remake

I had a love-hate relationship with Final Fantasy for a long time. Outside of Final Fantasy Tactics, I’ve never connected with a game in the series despite being a self-proclaimed JRPG fan. I just never managed to find the fun with them. That includes Final Fantasy VII. I remember playing it. I think I made it a little bit into disc 2 before moving onto something else. 

So, unlike a lot of folks, I was not anxiously awaiting the remake. Nor was I precious about preserving the sanctity of the original release. For me, it was just a major JRPG release. I usually play those. And so I plunged into my Final Fantasy 7 Remake experience.**

Right off the rip, I love the new combat system. You’re running around and attacking in real time, but when you go into a menu to use an ability or an item, the game slows to down to a crawl that might as well be a pause. This would have saved Final Fantasy X-2 for me. Please, please, PLEASE do not batter me about while I’m digging through menus. 

You start off playing as just mopey, grumpy, emo-ass bitch boy Cloud Strife but soon you’ll have a small gang of outlaws and attractive young ladies joining you in combat. Swapping between characters is painless and makes combat feel more interactive than most in the genre.

The game gets into a lot of currently relevant topics such as class disparity, climate change, and the harm inflicted by unchecked, powerful corporations. Even if the game doesn’t always handle these things with the most serious tone* it feels more real and relatable than “The Big Evil is taking over and going to destroy the entire planet.” The story mostly takes place in a poor, working-class community living quite literally beneath the wealthy elites up above them who are killing to planet for their own gains.

Sound familiar?

Anyhoo, Square Enix some way, somehow, announced this game too early, made everyone wait and wait for it, made considerable STORY changes to a beloved classic game...and pulled it off. They could have played it safe with this remake and stuck to the original script, but they bet on themselves and it paid off. It lets players old and new play a game with fresh eyes. Veterans don’t know with certainty where the story is going. Would I feel the same if I had the original release up on a pedestal? I’d like to think so.

I had some concerns with how some aspects of the story would hold up some 20 years later. Like a lot of 90′s media, there’s some casual homophobia going on with Final Fantasy 7. And Cloud’s whole brooding “I’m an asshole because I have a tortured past” along with Aerith and Tifa fawning over him because they can fix him...it all feels a little tired now. Still, the optimism of Tifa and Aerith are a refreshing counter to Cloud’s darkness, and the “Who is best girl?” debate is still alive and well. Tifa? Aerith? Maybe Jessie, who just wants to be Cloud’s fuck buddy? No wrong answers here.

And the whole Honeybee Inn section with Cloud crossdressing was absolutely terrific. Less terrific was the whole Don Corneo section. Some pretty gross implications with Tifa and Aerith being gassed, then left to be gang raped by the dudes that work for Corneo. That made his whole over the top, bumbling persona play pretty poorly for me. Then again, maybe the developers wanted me to feel uncomfortable and to really hate that dude. Mission accomplished. 

The DLC centered around Yuffie was a blast as well. She’s fun to play, the Fort Condor minigame was more engaging than it had any right to be, and it got me ready to go for Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth which should be out within the year. I do wish Yuffie would button her shorts all way up considering her age, but that’s a me problem. Playing Crisis Core sold me on Zack as a great foil to Cloud personality-wise. I’ll take oblivious and optimistic over mopey and brooding any day of the week. 

I’m all in on whatever Square Enix wants to do with the franchise. Nomura take the wheel. 

*Nor is it trying to, and I don’t need my Final Fantasy games to be gravely serious **Final Fantasy 7 Remake will forever be entrenched in my mind as last game I played pre-pandemic.

[watercolor-hearts]

Just last week I was completely indifferent about Cardiophilia/heart things and after reading your Logan/George/Alex (is there a ship name for them) I am almost obsessed

Oh God, seeing this ask after waking up made my day. 😍

I don’t know if there’s a ship name for Logan/George/Alex, I couldn’t find anything when I searched for it, but if there’s one, please let me know. 😃

If you’re almost obsessed, let me talk about cardiophilia/heartbeat kink in general a bit to help see/understand what it is and how it works. First a bit about the non-sexual side of it and then about the sexual side, too. (And then if everything goes well, in a few days I’ll bring some more Logan/George/Alex cardiophilia (and polyamory)-related scenes.)

Overall it’s a kink for me so it’s sexual, but most of the time I focus on the non-sexual/soft side of it in stories (even though I have a smutty cardiophilia story planned, and also a series where it’s sexual for the guys but I’m not sure if I’ll focus on the sexual side of it because writing smutty things isn’t easy). 

You know, what’s beautiful for me in non-sexual cardiophilia is that it’s basically just appreciating that your partner/friend is alive, their heart is beating and they’re breathing (breathing kink is not part of cardiophilia “officially” but for most people they go hand-in-hand, for me, too). I think it’s a really special thing because it’s nothing “extra” (because both heartbeat and breathing are natural/unconscious things) but it still means a lot. It basically means everything to cardiophiles.

I think what gives comfort in it is that heartbeats are a slow and regular rhythm (for most people) and if you’re pressed close to someone’s chest and can feel/hear their heartbeat, it can help your heart to slow down, too, even if you don’t really concentrate on it or it’s not the goal. Plus once I read an article about hearts being a comforting thing because babies in the womb can hear/feel their mother’s heartbeat so considering heartbeats comforting is basically a thing we’re born with. (But as in everything, there also are exceptions here, too, because I’ve heard of people who freak out/become really uncomfortable if they hear/feel heartbeats, so it doesn’t work for everybody.)

Something I really like is pulse taking because it’s so much more subtle/intimate than putting your hand on your partner’s chest (which I also love, but pulse taking is my number 1 favorite thing which I discovered thanks to a story in this fandom with a pairing I don’t even read about that much) because this way only you and the other person know what’s going on and it can be a really comforting thing because it says ‘I’m here, I care about you and everything’s going to be alright’ and it can help a lot, especially after a panic attack or if something scary (especially if it’s medical) happens.

I love when it’s subtle, for example two drivers sitting in a room during post-race debrief and one notices that the other looks a bit off, thinks it’s might be because of the crash they’ve had in the race, and gently curls their fingers around the other’s wrist under the table, searching for the the radial pulse point, resting their fingers on it once they’ve found it. It’s comforting for both, because the one that crashed knows that the other cares about him, and the other, thanks to the pulse beneath their fingertips, has at least a bit of an idea about how their teammate is. But I imagine that in this scene the goal is this to be a comfort bthing, not actually getting a correct measurement of the pulse. It’s just to show the other that they’re there and they care about them. Especially if they know that this type of care is what that person needs.

But this is just one idea, there are many other ways to incorporate heart/pulse-related scenes in stories even if the main focus is not on the heart/cardiophilia. Hearts are a good topic because it’s easy to put them into “normal” stories, too, as it’s an organ heavily affected by emotion changes. And also, cardiophiles love going back and rereading (like ten times) that one or two heart mentions they find in stories. Or at least I love doing it, but I think I’m not the only one. 😃

And now a bit about the sexual side of it.

There are three types of cardiophiles:

The one that likes to listen

The one that likes to be listened to

The one that likes both/has no preference

Most of the time (but not always) it depends on whether they’re submissive or dominant, because submissive people usually prefer being listened to and they like when their partner talks about their heart, how it sounds, how it picks up pace when they say or do something, things like that. A bit of praise can also do wonders. (This is what I plan to write about in the sexual cardiophilia fic I mentioned above. Lando loves when his heart gets all the attention…)

Hearts don’t lie, and this could basically be the basis of sexual cardiophilia, because when someone gets excited (in a sexual situation in this context), their heart starts beating faster and it’s a sign for their partner that they’re enjoying the situation, and basically sexual cardiophilia is about the arousal heartbeats (usually fast heartbeats and sometimes faster breathing) cause. And the goal is to make the heart beat even faster/see how fast it can get, because knowing that it beats fast because of you is an incredible feeling and a really big motivator.

In sexual cardiophilia a few kisses on the carotid artery in foreplay can be a really good start because feeling your partner’s pulse picking up pace thanks to the kisses (and touches on some parts of the body) can lead to arousal pretty quickly and after that there are numerous heart related things people can do in the bed, especially if they’re really into cardiophilia and have some instruments to use… 😉

(And if you're open to a tip/advice from a cardiophile: If you're in a relationship, buy a stethoscope and try it with your partner. It can lead to some really amazing (or even spicy) moments. If you both are open enough to try things like this, you'll probably not regret it. 😉)

This is two pages of cardiophile yapping so I’m gonna stop here before it gets too long, but if you or anybody has any questions about anything that’s related to this topic, feel free to ask, I’m happy to talk about it or discuss scene/story ideas or anything. 😊

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

The amazon reviews have spiraled out of control and have reached Twitter and Tiktok so there is no way it's not going to reach Evan at some point. I can't help imagining what it would feel like if thousands of people witnessed a review of my very private purchases. Yes i know these are public reviews and he wants people to read it, but that doesn't mean he also wants to be linked to it. I doubt he wants the world to know that he is using a no makeup look- blush. I really wish that information had only stayed on this blog, not because I want to gate keep it but because i know that Evan fans are unhinged and will go to extreme lengths to make sure that Evan sees what a crazy fandom he has. People are feral they started following his Spotify again. I know people are going to think of me as being too sensitive, maybe I am sensitive. But I can't help putting myself in his position and all i can think of is that I would die of embarassment. Can anyone understand what I'm saying? Ps Please don't delete this. This blog has kind of become a safe place for me and I feel really anxious right now. I would be happy if someone, anyone can relate to what I'm feeling without judging me for my feelings. I am a highly empathetic person and I easily feel distressed for other people. I hope I have a right to express it on your blog without being mocked or attacked.

i understand some people may feel this way and wish that news wouldn’t spread, but unfortunately, that’s just not possible. it’s the nature of this blog to share tidbits of gossip and information without gatekeeping, so there’s no way we can keep information on here from making its way to other platforms. i can certainly understand why you would think the concept of tons of people knowing your amazon reviews would be embarrassing, but quite frankly, almost all of the topics we discuss here would make us uncomfortable if it was about us. evan is a public figure, so for better or worse, this type of curiosity comes with celebrity status and all the perks of fame. i certainly don’t judge anyone who isn’t comfortable partaking in gossip, celebrity or not - though obviously i am not of that mindset, everyone is entitled to feel what they feel!