I think I may have just realized that my strongest masking trait is disassociation. For a long time I thought it was shutdowns but now I’m not sure because a lot of people talk about not being able to move and talk during shutdown and I could always do that, it just didn’t feel like I was doing it.
I would get to this point of complete overwhelm bordering on a meltdown and then if I was with people it was like a switch would go off in my brain telling me it wasn’t safe and then I’d just feel all floaty and blurry and unreal. Now I think this has a lot in common with shutdowns but it’s more like being on autopilot then completely crashing which is how a lot of people describe shutdowns.
I remember this even as a kid in the grocery store feeling like I would float away from the world, like I was inside of my body but not connected to it, like the whole world was out of focus, I remember telling people my dreams were more vivid than real life.
And especially in high school I had two modes, unbearable anxiety and overwhelm and just this constant feeling that I was dying vs. complete disconnect, like I couldn’t feel things when I touched them and it would last for hours every day for months.
So anyway I’m starting to wonder if I have DPDR (Depersonalization and Derealization disorder) so if anyone has experience with this I’d really love to hear your thoughts, experiences, or good sources of information on the topic. And for people who experience shutdowns and disassociation what are the differences?
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As some people may know i'm going to start writing one shots so i made a list of promts feel free to use these i can do other promts and things this is just ideas but there are some things i won't do like smut i will let you know if i'm uncomfortable with your request and explain that i'm uncomfortable with that and if you send in a request i'm a small account so i can pretty much guarantee that i'll get your request done within 27 hours lol but for now enjoy my promts!
1 "Aw, look at you!"
"Stop touching me."
"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to annoy you; you're just so cute."
2 "Do you even realize how cute you are?"
"Oh yes, I'm adorable. I'm a fucking delight."
3 "I just can't get over the fact that you said yes."
(while gazing at their ring) "Believe it, baby. I said yes over a year ago."
"I know... but still."
4"I've never met anyone that makes me feel the way you do."
"Crazy?"
"Yes but in the best possible way."
5"Stop touching me."
"But I wanna cuddle!"
"Oh, well then why didn't you just say so. C'mere."
6"Do you know who's the best person in the world?"
"Me?"
"No, me but only because you make me the best person."
7"I want to be better for you."
8 "I want to deserve you and I never will unless I become a better person."
9 "I still can't believe you love me."
"Better believe it, baby."
10 "I'm crazy about you."
"Yeah, you're crazy alright."
11"Kiss me!"
"Never."
(pouting)
"Oh, I was kidding! Stop pouting like that."
12 "You're my favorite!"
"You married me, so I really hope I'm your favorite."
13 "Have you ever thought about leaving me?"
"I'd be a fool to ever want to leave you."
14 "You are the best."
"Not nearly as best as you!"
"That made no sense."
"Only because you don't understand how incredible you are."
"No, that just grammatically didn't make sense."
15 "Quit being a grammar junkie!"
"Why don't you come over here and make me?" (😘😉)
16 #11 “I’m tired” “I can see that babe” “Sleep with me?” “mhm”
17 “Kiss me?”
18 “You are my home, you have been since we met”
19 “Hi sweetheart” “Hi babe” “Is that my shirt?” “No”
20“Die” “Bet” “wait- babe no stop”
21“Hello lovely” “Hi <character name>”
22 “I've to go” “Noooo please” “Sorry love”
23“God I love you”
24 “Happy Birthday”
25: "i'm pregnant"
26: " you know i only let you touch me"
27: " there's no other person for me i swear"
28: dancing in the rain
29 "dance with me?"
30: person a shares persons Bs secrets with the there friends and they break up
31 They're drunk and you're carrying them to their room, when they unexpectedly say how much they love you, causing you to drop them on the floor
32 They end the phone call with an accidental ''love you'', leaving you flustered
33 Confessing before being separated for an uncertain period of time
34 Asking them how your name + their surname would sound like (or/and vice versa)
35 Accidentally confessing while laughing over something
36 Saying "I love you" while they're sleeping/unconscious/in coma. You know well that they can't hear you, but a small part of you hopes they did
37 Always giving each other yellow roses for valentine's day, when one day you see that you've got red roses instead
38 Tears drench your cheeks as you confess. The last thing you hear before dying is them screaming your name
39 Confessing at the same place where they first met
40 Scolding them for doing something stupid, wondering "why did I have to fall for you" and not realising that you just said that out loud
41:“You saved me, let me save you”
42: “You can’t save me and then walk out”
43: “ Focus on me please”
44: “You deserve better” “And you need more”
45: “Babe it’s not what it looks like” “Yeah? then what is it?”
46: “How are you in the wrong if you’re the only one putting in the effort to make it work?”
47: “Sometimes giving up is easier my love”
48: “How many times do we have to hurt each other before realising we’re no good at this”
49: “So what that’s it?” “Yeah it is, this relationship is one sided and I’m tired okay”
50: “Can you hold me while I go?”
51:hot chocolate and cuddles
52: person b gets hypothermia
53: breakfast in bed
54: holding there child for the first time
55: walking in on person a cuddling there baby
56: person a and b break up and 3 year's later person a finds person b with a child there child
57: Braiding eachothers hair
58: dieing before you can admit there feelings
59:dancing in the light of the fridge
60: dyeing eachothers hair
61: person a has autism
62: doing face masks together
63: one of them getting shot and almost dieing
64: person b has adhd and person a notices that there fidgety so the grab there hand
65: person a being a Assassin and is supposed to kill person b but they can't and make it there lifes mission to protect person b
66: movie night!!
67: (requester chose's a song for the oneshot to be based off of)
68: person a thinks there house is haunted but it's just person b being annoying
69: meeting the parents for the first time
70: person a finding out they need glasses and realizing how long there visions been so blurry and they thought it was normal and freaking out beacuse they can finally see person b clearly and thinking there beautiful
71: photographer meets artists
72: " we've GOT to stop meeting like this"
"You kidnapped me idiot"
" but your not a kid?"
" oh my gosh you are a idiot"
73 " murder wasn't on today's agenda"
"It's not on anyones"
" no it's on mine, just not untill next Thursday"
74: " did you have to hit me with a corpses leg? Was that really necessary?"
"Necessary. No. Hilarious, yes"
Royalty!au
Bodyguard!au
Brother's best friend!au
enemies to lovers!au
Friends to lovers!au
Love letters!au
Famous!au
Streamer!au
Assassin!au
Famous brother!au
Time travel!au
Ghost and human!au
Suicidal x therapist!au(not romancing being Suicidal please if you feel this way talk to someone even if it's just a little or about your day it will help and dms always open)
Student x teacher!au(both of age)
Demigod x mortal!au
Beast friends brother!au
Transfer student!au
Dark academy!au
Different sides in a war!au
Polor opposites!au
I hate everyone in the world but you!au
Fake dating!au
Grumpy x sunshine!au
Cowarker romance!au
And again these are just ideas you can thinknof your own if you want to
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