#plus I have asthma which is another fucking thing to worry about

[aceghosts]

This shitty air quality shit fucking sucks.

[plaidbooks]

Asthma

A/N: This is a Sonny Carisi x reader fic and as the title may suggest, it’s about asthma! I have asthma, and something like this happened to me (thank god for friends who know how to use inhalers). Please be aware that not all asthma works like this, and it’s highly specific to myself and how my asthma is. anyways, hope y’all enjoy.

P.S. I have a headcanon that Sonny switches to Italian when stressed/upset/scared because it calms him down

Tags: asthma attacks/lack of oxygen, near-death experiences

Words: 1722

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @stardust-fray @permanentlydizzy @infiniteoddball @ben-c-group-therapy @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @lv7867 @storiesofsvu @cycat4077 @barbasimp @alwaysachorusgirl @glimmerglittergirl @reading--mermaid @averyhotchner @mrsrafaelbarba @detective-giggles @crowleysqueenofhell @dreamlover31

Translations: Merda = shit

Fanculo = fuck

Stai bene? = are you ok?

come funziona di nuovo? = How does this work again?

Non farlo di nuovo! = Don’t do that again!

~~~~~~~~~~ 

You had been running around all day in the New York City heat and humidity, your lungs burning as you finally made it home. You’d think after living here for so long, you’d be used to the oppressive air by now, but you still had breathing issues. Which is why you had two albuterol inhalers for your asthma—one in your purse and one on the counter in the kitchen. Your kitchen was in the middle of your apartment and made the most sense logistically as to where to keep it—it was the perfect distance whether you were coming from the bedroom or the living room.

You had only really had a bad asthma attack once before, and you knew that you had a good 5-10 seconds before you’d lose consciousness. But that was also dependent on how much you panicked; if your brain went into overdrive, then you’d start breathing harder and you’d run out of air faster. It was all about mind over matter, but sometimes, even with mild attacks, it was hard to not panic. It was the natural response to not being able to breathe.

Collapsing onto the couch, you turned your laptop on, hoping to just relax with some funny videos on youtube for the night until your boyfriend, Sonny, came home. Since becoming an ADA, he was coming home earlier than when he was a detective. Though he usually brought cases home with him, working on the coffee table until late in the evening. You didn’t mind; at least you could sit with him, keep each other company, even talk when he wasn’t super invested. Plus, you loved when he’d stand in front of you, running you through his closing arguments or his cross as if you were a witness.

 ***********************

You lost track of time as you laughed heartily at a video, your laughter erupting out of you. You clutched your stomach in pain, tears in your eyes as you laughed. Then, you went to suck in a lungful of air. But nothing happened. You tried again and got a weird rasping sound in your throat. Your eyes went wide as you realized what had happened; you had laughed so hard, you were having an asthma attack. Panic swept through you and you sprung to your feet. But it had been a while now—seconds, though they stretched on—without air, and you were suddenly light-headed. Your lungs burned and it was like a sledgehammer was being pressed upon your chest. You gasped for breath but got nothing in return. Glancing through your fading vision at the kitchen, you took one step, then another, your senses slowly turning off before darkness overtook you.

***

Sonny walked down the hallway to the apartment he shared with you, whistling a tune. Today had gone surprisingly well, and he was off much earlier than he expected, with the weekend stretched before him. He even left all his case files at work, not bothering to work anymore once he left the office for the night.

Digging his key out of his pocket, he went to unlock the door. There was a loud thud from inside the apartment, and Sonny froze.

“Doll?” he called out. He pressed his ear to the door, his hand fumbling for the keyhole. There was no response, and it made his panic rise like bile in his throat. His hand was shaking so badly, he had to steady it with his other hand to get the key in. But in his hurry, he turned it too hard, snapping the key in the keyhole.

Sonny took a step back, braced himself, then kicked the door open, the wood splintering. He rushed in, glancing around until he found you, laying on your side, unmoving.

“Merda! Stai bene?” he asked, making his way over to you. Sonny knelt down, rolling you onto your back. Your chest was barely moving, and you were rasping with every breath. He knew about your asthma, but he had never seen you like this and had not expected it.

Sonny hurried to the kitchen, snatching your inhaler off the counter. He rushed back to you, your breathing much more shallow now, even after a few seconds.

“Fanculo, fanculo…come funziona di nuovo?” he muttered to himself, shaking the inhaler in his hand. He’d never needed to use it before, and you showed him how so long ago…. He ripped the cap off, placing it gently in your mouth. Feeling like he was hurting rather than helping, he plugged your nose as he pressed the cylinder with the medicine down, hearing the spray go into your mouth.

He waited, counting in his head to ten, all the while mumbling, “merda, merda, merda,” over and over again like a mantra. Once he hit ten, he released your nose and took the inhaler from your mouth. Slowly, you started taking deeper and deeper breaths, and your eyelids fluttered before opening.

***

Your chest was on fire and your throat burned as you came to, groggy and disoriented. Though, your mind was rushing, in the way that only your asthma medication did to you—it was a breathable steroid/adrenaline. When your eyes focused, you saw Sonny leaning over you, looking worried to death. But when he saw your eyes opened, a wide grin of relief spread across his face.

“Fanculo! Non farlo di nuovo!” he said, helping you to sit up.

You winced at the motion, giving him a look. “W-what? You’re speaking Italian, Dom.”

“I-I know…I do that when I’m scared. It calms me.”

You chuckled lightly, but grimace as pain broke through your chest. “That’s not helpful when I don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Never mind; can you get up? I need to take you to the hospital—”

“No,” you replied. “I’m fine—I’ll be fine. Just…help me to the couch.”

Sonny gave you a hard look before he helped you stand, guiding you to the couch. “You should still go to the hospital; who knows how long you were on the ground without air?”

“Was I still breathing when you used the inhaler?” you asked. You held out your hand for it, and Sonny passed you the little piece of plastic that had just saved your life.

“Y-yeah, but barely—”

“Then I’m fine.” You glanced at Sonny, who was gearing up for an argument, and you sighed. “If I were to go to the hospital right now, they’ll either do nothing or just give me another dose of albuterol, Dom. Honestly, I’m fine, okay?” He still looked willing to argue, so you added, “I know it must’ve been…bad, seeing me on the ground like that. But I promise you I’m okay.”

Sonny let out a long sigh, rubbing his face with both hands. “Okay. I trust your judgement with your own medical issues.” He sat down on the couch next to you. “But run me through how to use the inhaler again—I wanna make sure I did it right. And please explain to me what the hell happened.”

You chuckled, raising the inhaler—you were going to take a second dose, anyway, to get rid of the pain in your chest. Sonny watched intently, happy to find that even in his panic, he had, in fact, done it correctly. As you held your breath, letting the medication work its way into your lungs, your eyes travelled to the front door, still ajar, the frame in pieces.

“Sonny, what the fuck?” you coughed out.

His eyes followed yours and he swallowed. “I, uh, I forgot I did that,” he replied, smiling sheepishly.

“Well now what do we do? We can’t leave our place open like this,” you glanced at the time; it was late, and no hardware store would be open for new doors. And you were pretty sure your landlord was going to be pissed.

“It’s fine; I can make it so it looks closed. If you don’t feel safe, we can go to a hotel until I fix it tomorrow,” Sonny said, standing. You nodded and he was off, packing an overnight bag for you both.

 *******************

By the time you were at the hotel, you were exhausted. The effects of the medication had run its course, and you just wanted to sleep. Sonny, of course, didn’t allow you carry anything as he led you to your room. He swiped the keycard, letting you in first, and you all but collapsed onto the bed.

“You okay?” he asked, concern lacing his voice.

Your voice was muffled as you replied, and he asked again. Turning your head to the side, you mumbled, “fine, just tired.”

“It’s late; let’s get in bed.” Sonny stripped quickly, then helped you stand, gently pulling your shirt up and off. Once in just your panties, you crawled under the covers, curling onto your side. Sonny got in behind you, wrapping himself around you. “I love you,” he murmured, kissing your shoulder.

“I love you, too, Dom,” you whispered back. Mercifully, you fell asleep almost instantly, the long day wearing you out.

But Sonny hardly slept, afraid that he’d wake up to you no longer breathing. Instead, he laid there, cradling you in his arms, listening to your soft breaths, the sound music to his ears. He dozed off and on, but mostly, he just held you, trying not to tear up as he thought about what might’ve happened if he had worked his normal hours, staying late in the office. He also thought about the other thing he packed in the overnight bag, hidden deep underneath everything else, for fear of it being stolen from your apartment as well as the fear of your finding it.

Inside a sock, rolled up and shoved underneath everything else, was a little box. And in that box was the most perfect engagement ring that Sonny knew you’d love. He’d been planning to propose around your birthday, but now, with that near-death scare, he was thinking that he should just do it now. He was off the next two days, and you were already planning to do dinner tomorrow night. Would it be weird timing now? But at the same time, life was short; today proved that. As the sun came up, streaming through the drawn curtains, Sonny made up his mind.

[halo-jpeg]

Bearable | A Reddie Fanfiction

Read it from the beginning

Chapter 3

Eddie stood looking at himself in the mirror. The sky outside of his window was darkening, on the brink of sunset right near 6:30 pm. He was dressed in what he considered his 'party clothes', or at least the closest thing he could find- he wore a brown plaid button-up tee with a darker brown v-neck sweater, finally finished off with a pair of khaki pants. It was nothing special, really, but it was probably the most, as Bill had put it, 'chillax' thing he currently owned. Living with his mother, Eddie had grown used to wearing what she bought him and only what she bought him, which only consisted of simple tees, polo shirts and, of course, his occasional button-up. The sweater he currently wore had been a gift from Stan for his 18th birthday- he has gotten a similar one for his 19th as wel.

"St-Stan? Eddie? Ruh-ready to go?" Bill's voice echoed through the house, snapping Eddie from the odd trance he'd fallen into, staring right into his own reflection. Right, of course- he had a party to go to.

"Coming!" He called, and was just about to turn and leave the room when his eye was caught by an object on the surface of his dresser- It was his inhaler. For a moment, Eddie stared, and felt as if it were calling to him. He hadn't used it for months until the fight with his mother, and already he had vowed not to use it again. He'd been trying to shake the habit of using it just as he had started faking swallowing his old placebos; sadly, however, the effects of his false-asthma still kicked in so hard he had to take a puff or two. Eddie's lungs felt tight with anxiety at the idea of this stupid party, and he only debated for one more moment before grabbing the inhaler and jamming it into his pocket, just in case. He was quick to join his two friends, and they both set off- umbrellas in tow- into the now-starting rain.

***

It had been approximately 10 seconds and Eddie was fighting back over stimulation. Shit, he hasn't even knocked on the apartment door yet, and the booming, thumping music with it's impossibly heavy base was already putting him on edge. Stan was close to his side, Bill just a few paces ahead, and though he was more than grateful for their comforting, familiar presence he was terrified. Eddie didn't know these people. He was walking into a strangers home. He'd seen horror movies, he knows what happens in big, crowded parties with alcohol and hormonal teens and what happens is they get slashed by a serial killer. Maybe it was just paranoia, but Eddie was already wishing he could turn tail and flee. Bill, Stan and he stopped in front of the door belonging to the source of the noise, and that anxiety in the pit of his stomach tripled, if that was even something that could happen at this point. Eddie tried his very best to suck in deep breaths, but they came in with a slight whistle and made his chest ache.

"Ready?" Stan said, quickly straightening out the collar of his navy dress shirt, passing a quick glance and a warm smile in Eddie's direction, "It'll be okay, Eddie, you can stick by our side the whole time." Eddie nodded his head, clasping his hands nervously together in front of him. Bill gripped the door handle, giving it a twist and pushing it wide open. Ah, yes- Eddie hates this, indeed.

"Oh, no..." The words were spoken mostly to himself, drowned out almost entirely by the speakers throbbing throughout the house. It was dark, the only illumination coming from colorful fairy lights strung high above everyone's heads. The place was packed with moving, dancing bodies, red solo cups held in the hands of nearly everyone. Eddie could see glow sticks wrapped around wrists and hanging from necks, and even spotted a woman in a too-short dress clashing lips with a man in a Letterman jacket. Before he really could give in a flee, a hand was set gently on his shoulder, and he turned his head to see Bill grinning down at him, his eyes alight with a mixture of excitement and concern. The question didn't need to be spoken for Eddie to know that Bill was nervous for him. With a simple shake of his head, Eddie dismissed his worries and motioned with one hand for the redhead to lead the way.

"Hey!" Before any of the three could move an all-too familiar voice rang through, slicing through the sounds of the party and calling all attention in that direction, "My dear friends, you made it!" Richie pushed past a few people on his route to the trio, his cheek-splitting grin even wider than usual and clearly under the slight influence of alcohol.

"Hey, Ruh-Richie! Thanks for inviting u-us, this is... a bigger puh-party then I've ever been to in my li-life!" Bill extended a hand for Richie to shake, and the host was quick to accept it with the one hand that wasn't harboring another one of those red cups. Eddie caught a glimpse of a dark liquid, along with the smell of booze and citrus.

"It sure is something," Stan agreed with a nod, and Richie gleamed with pride.

"Can I get you three some drinks? They may or may not be spiked. We also have, uh... grass, if that's any of your styles." Before Richie could be judged (Eddie was just about to scold him for drug use) he tacked on, "It's not my type of thing but I wouldn't mind if it was yours!" He started to laugh along with Bill, even Stan letting out a small chuckle, but Eddie was still hugely unimpressed with this all. Much to his demise, Stan the Polite had to go and agree to the drinks. Before he could protest, Richie was leading the way directly into the throng of people towards a kitchen. It was miserable. Dancers blocked the way to their desired destination, meaning the group had to push right through them. Not only was it impolite, but these teenagers were also drunk and disgusting. Eddie was trying so hard not to be so uptight, at least for one night, but he just couldn't do it. He pulled his arms into himself and braved the traverse, wincing as he began to attempt to weave through. He was pushed from all sides, sworn at by one rowdy man who he had accidentally bumped into and winked at by a drunken girl dancing with her friends. Though it was only momentary, it felt like centuries past where he was drowning among these bodies, afraid and struggling to breathe. Then, just like that, he was free on the other side, still right beside his two friends and the host who was bringing this treachery into his life.

"Quite the crowd," Eddie grumbled to Stan, both Richie and Bill failing to overhear. Stanley smiled and bumped Eddie gently with his elbow, yet again delivering a small form of reassurance. The kitchen was emptier than the rest of the house, but there were still a fair amount of party goers within it. Among them, Eddie recognized Mike leaned on the counter at the far end with two other kind-enough looking people- he also recognized these two from the coffee shop where they'd met Richie. A tall, sturdy man leaned against one wall, watching with obvious heart eyes as a redheaded girl seated on the counter chattered away about one thing or another. Right at their side sat a massive punch bowl, half empty but with plenty of other bottles of soda and alcohol around it to refill later if need be.

"Heya, you three," Richie greeted them with a smile and a wave, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of Stan, Bill and Eddie, "I'm sure you all remember these guys." Richie spun on his heel, leaning his back against the counter and beginning introductions, "This is Bill, Stan and Eddie; and this is Beverly, Ben a Mike. Shake hands, maybe share a kiss, and give me another damn cup of punch." Eddie did none of the above, even when Bill moved forwards to do the first option. He shook hands with each new person in turn, and said his courteous 'nice to meet you'. Even Stan spoke up with a greeting and a small wave. Sure, Eddie felt like an antisocial asshole but he was having enough trouble keeping his asthma in check without touching a bunch of strangers. Speaking of his asthma, yeah, sure, it wasn't real or whatever but right now it sure felt like it was.

"Care for a drink?" Beverly hopped down from the counter, motioning towards the stack of unused cups there for the taking.

"Y-Yeah, hell yeah," Bill responded with a smile, "What... whu-what is it?"

"It smells rank," Stan grabs a cup, leaning over and staring down into the bubbling liquid, "I'd love some."

"This, my good friends, is what I call my 'Tozier Juice'- Orange juice, ginger ale, and lots and lots of alcohol, courtesy of Haystack over here," Richie patted Ben on the shoulder, sending him a friendly grin that much resembled the ones that Eddie and his two best friends shared- it was that of a close bond built on top of years and years of memories.

"Th-that actually doesn't suh-sound too bad," Both Stan and Bill helped themselves to the drink, and then they turned to Eddie. Both seemed to know that he wouldn't be interested, but a cup was offered by Bill either way. "Sh-sure you don't want any? Not even just a glass?"

"Fuck no, I don't want to ruin my liver- or my heart, or brain or-" A sharp intake of breath, it hurts,"-pancreas, for that matter. Did you know drinking too much can increase your blood pressure? Have you ever heard of a stroke?" Eddie crossed his arms, the muscles in his shoulders tensing just at the thought of what this alcohol could do to him. He could drink too much, just a little too much, and then that would be it for him. He'd collapse to the floor and he'd die right here and now. "Plus, if my mom ever found out she would kill me, like literally-"

"Hey, calm yourself, Eduardo," Suddenly, Richie's arm is sliding over his shoulders, pulling him close, too close, to that mass of tangled dark hair that could possibly be housing every louse on the planet, "This is a party, you don't have to follow mamma's rules!" Eddie shoved himself away with a grimace, his lungs closing tighter in on themselves. The contact was too close, Richie was too strange, and now Eddie was only growing more and more frightened and uncomfortable.

"Don't touch me, Richie! Jesus, that's-" Eddie shudders, his breath catching in his throat. He can feel anxiety building in his throat, climbing upwards and begging to be let out in a scream or something of the sort. Eddie hugged himself tightly, scrambling away from Richie and closer to Stan and Bill.

"Wow, Jesus, I-" Richie laughed nervously, and Eddie watched him exchange a curious glance with Stan, who only waved a hand dismissively. "Sorry, I, uh... I guess. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything." Without returning an answer, Eddie glued his gaze to the floor, feeling heat rise up his neck and into his cheeks. Now, tension hung in the air like a shroud and it was because of him. Shit. He didn't mean to ruin everything. For a minute, and then two then three then a whole fourth, no one spoke, simply sipping at their drinks and listening to the deafening music. With each second that ticked by Eddie's throat closed tighter.

"So," Beverly broke the absence of speaking first, her voice raised to overpower that music that was still so loud, so fucking loud, throat tight, head pounding, "Tell me about yourselves. Rich tells me you're going to the same Uni as us? What classes do you have?" Bill took a sip from his 'Tozier Juice', and then responded in a voice just as loud as hers- he was too loud, now, too. His words begin to blend together into a collective hum, nothing but an indecipherable murmur as Eddie held himself tighter- he could hardly breathe, oh it hurt- The weight in his pocket was tempting, so tempting, and he wanted nothing more than to pull it out and take a puff, even if it was just sugar and water. The only thing stopping him was Stan and Bill on his either side, because they were against the placebo, they were trying to wean him off of it. Overpowering that murmur now was a sharp ringing, only pierced by the sound of collective laughter, too loud, suffocating. Eddie's face drained of it's colour, and no one seemed to notice. Can't breathe. He felt frozen, all of a sudden, rooted in place as if left in the cold for too long. He couldn't move his arms, his legs, and now his throat was growing tighter. He snapped his mouth open, fighting to suck in a breath- all at once, the sound came rushing back and it was all just too overwhelming. Eddie was gasping, fighting, snapping from his trance as all air fails to rush into his lungs. All eyes turn to him, Bill, Stan, Richie, Ben, Beverly, Mike- everyone is staring at him, looking at him, as he stumbles to the counter, his legs threatening to give out, Ben hurrying out of the way as Eddie almost falls right into him. The asthma attack was so sudden, so powerful- he had reached that tipping point, and gone tumbling right over the edge. Now, his throat was swollen shut, his head was pounding, that ringing was loud and the music was louder.

"Sh-shit, Eddie!" Bill was the first one to arrive at his side, and then everyone else. Every fucking person was surrounding him. He clutched onto the counter, still gasping, face paler than a sheet as he desperately fought against his reflexes. One powerful half of his mind screamed GRAB YOUR FUCKING INHALER EDDIE GRAB IT OR YOU'LL DIE YOU'LL SUFFOCATE RIGHT HERE AND- while the other half was shouting not to because then he was failing and when you fail you disappoint and he doesn't want to be any more of a disappointment than he already is. He gasps, sputters, grits his teeth and fights to reopen his throat but it won't cooperate. Strangers gazes bear into his back. He's the center of attention. His throat his shut like a vice.

"Eddie, hey, you okay?" Stan was there, a hand on his shoulder but that was too much, this was all too much and he didn't know what to do to stop it to stop the pain and the fear and the suffocation and he can't breathe.

"Hey hey hey hey, what's happening Eds? What's wrong, what can I do?" Richie was here now too, stupid annoying Richie with his caring tone and the hand he sets on Eddie's. Just like the too-loud laughter had been what sent him over the metaphorical cliff edge towards an asthma attack, this overload of contact had been him hitting the icy waters below. Without a second thought he burst upright, both Stan and Richie falling away, and ripped his inhaler from his pocket. He pulled off the cap and stuck it between his lips, pressing the button on the top and sucking in the breath with a sudden jolt. Air passed, a minute amount, and he needed another puff, and then, finally, a third. Each one rocked through his body, trailing with it relief, euphoria, burning through his veins, his throat, down into his lungs until- he let out a gasp as the inhaler left his mouth and felt the guilt rapidly push the good feelings away. The entire group had gone silent again, until Bill stepped forwards to place a hand on Eddie's arm.

"A-Are you okay now, Eddie? Did it help?" His tone probably wasn't meant to be condescending, but that was the only emotion Eddie could get from it. No, Bill, I'm not okay and I'll never be okay because my mom fucked me up big time, Bill, is what he wanted to say but he didn't get the chance because now Stan was on his other side with that sickly sweet concern that Eddie doesn't really deserve and they probably don't really mean.

"Can I get you water? Anything?" Eddie was quick to shake his head. Stan sucked in a slow breath, and let it out in a shudder. From his peripherals, Eddie caught the sight of him and Bill sharing a glance. He didn't miss the way Stan's lips quirked down into a frown, or the feeling of Bill just slightly shrugging one shoulder. He hadn't even been here for twenty minutes and Eddie was done. They were disappointed in him. He could sense it. Jamming his inhaler back into his pocket, he shook off both hands and set off to who knows where. He didn't know this apartment and he didn't give a shit. He needed to find a bathroom, a bedroom, a balcony, a something to get him as far away from the noise as possible. He hears them calling after him, Bill and Stan and maybe Richie too but the music swallows him whole as he pushes into the crowd towards what he thinks is a door to outside. He pushes, uncaring in it's entirety, needing to get out, away, to suck in the fresh air. His lungs feel tight again, but not as tight as before and he refuses to use his inhaler. He breaks free from the crowd and lets out a wheeze of a huff, falling into the door and shoving it open and closed as quick as possible.

Just like that, it is calm. With one shoulder against the glass he can feel the reverberation, the bass shaking the building in it's place. It's quieter now, faint enough that he can feel thoughts swimming around like panicked fish. Eddie pushes off of the door and staggers towards the railing, letting himself lean on it despite what his mother would say. You're so high up, Eddie-bear, don't lean like that or you'll fall! You'll tumble right down all six floors and then you'll be done for! The mother in his mind continued on about something else, about him not loving her enough to take care of himself, about why does he hate her? What did she do for him to treat her like this? But he pushes those thoughts away and locks them in a tight little box so he doesn't burst into tears. For the first time he realizes that the rain is heavier now, pouring down in steady, thrumming sheets, blotting out the streetlights below and further muffling that music. The smell of petrichor and lightning fell around him, probing in through his open mouth and cleansing his lungs of the placebo. It was soothing, so much so that his eyes fell shut and his head tipped back. He let the utter pleasure of the weather soak into his skin, the chill biting at the tips of his nose and ears. He could catch a cold, his mother warns from inside his head, but he locks those thoughts up even tighter and tells himself he doesn't give a shit. With each deep, rain-tasting breath his lungs give way a little more until it's clear again. A few minutes pass of deep breathing, exercises he's learned through the years. Calm washes over him and now he doesn't mind the distant heartbeat of the bass. Time seeps by slowly and he doesn't mind it.

Behind him, the door opens, and the tension sets in again.

"What do you want?" Eddie's voice is cold. He doesn't know who it is, assuming it's Bill or Stan and hating that he's not right. The music grows louder and then fades again as the door opens and shuts.

"Hey, Eds," Richie shatters his peace with a tentative tone, and then he's there at his side leaning against the railing.

"Don't call me that."

"I, uh... I wanted to say sorry." The rain thrums on. Richie stands at his side. Eddie hates this party. "I... I didn't know..." Richie struggles to find the right words. The rain sounds like static, buzzing, hissing, calming. Richie should leave Eddie to enjoy this peace but he doesn't. "I didn't mean for this to happen." A heartbeat passes in time with the bass. Eddie finally answers, his words quiet, clipped, cold.

"Get lost, Richie." Richie doesn't. Instead, his movements slow, careful, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out two things- a packet of cigarettes, and a lighter. He doesn't waste his time offering one to Eddie, simply lights one for himself and takes a deep, sluggish inhale. All is quiet except for the static and the heartbeat of the bass. With an unwanted wave of vulnerability, Eddie feels his eyes begin to sting. The ocean inside of his stomach, tossing and turning and churning is made of liquid guilt. He feels horrible for failing Stan, for failing Bill, for ruining the party they'd both been so excited for. Richie takes another drag, letting out a cloud of smoke that's ripped away, sent spiraling, by the beating rain. As the party rages on just feet away, Richie stays with Eddie instead of leaving him to join back in on the fun. Eddie hates that he feels gratitude. Minutes pass, and the rain washes away the last traces of warmth. Before he knows it, Eddie is shivering, a gentle tremble that might have less to do with the cold and more to do with how exhausting it is to withhold his stinging tears.

"Here," Richie slides one arm out of his black button-up, passes his cigarette to his now free hand, and then liberates the other. Without asking, he moves towards Eddie, placing the thin fabric around his shoulders to provide as much warmth as possible. Richie returns to his place from before. A few more moments pass when Eddie finally finds the stability to answer.

"Thank you." His cheeks glow pink in the pale, black light, but Richie smiles anyways and simply nods his head. With his lungs clear and that warm gratitude calming the tidal waves of regret, he speaks in a low, quiet, shaking tone. "It seems you can keep your mouth shut, hmm?" This time, Richie laughs, a light chuckle that blends with the bass and the static in a perfect way.

"I'm making a special exception, Eddie. Don't take it for granted." Richie bites on his cigarette. He lets out another cloud of smoke. The rain slices it apart. "But, hey," Leaning on one elbow and glancing Eddie's way through his thick-framed glasses, Richie looks almost nice, "I really am sorry. If I'd known you would been stressed or over stimulated or whatever, I would have warned you." Sucking in a slow breath and letting it out in a sigh, Eddie shrugs his shoulders, pulling the black button-down tighter around him.

"It's fine. I should have handled it better.- I'm the one who should be saying sorry" At that, Richie quirked a brow.

"It's asthma, you can't really control it- unless that's some sort of super power." As an after thought, Richie added, "Pretty lame one if you ask me." Eddie held a hand out into the rain, soaking in the biting cold of each drop. It streamed down his hands, off of his fingertips.

"No, it's... it's all bullshit. Nevermind." A heartbeat passes, "You shouldn't smoke. It risks lung cancer." Silence yet again. Richie didn't ask to leave, and didn't make any move to. Once he finished his cigarette he dropped it to the ground beside him and crushed it under his heel. The two simply stood, side by side with a few feet between, looking out into the rain and soaking in the peace. The party continued on behind him, but Eddie couldn't care less. While Stan and Bill were enjoying themselves, so was he, to a degree. Richie's normally overbearing aura had calmed, dulled, softening around the edges so now it wasn't as much a bright yellow as it was a soft red.

"Eds?" Richie asked in a questioning tone, not shattering the fragile silence but rather parting it like hanging vines, "Can I make you a deal?" Eddie nodded his head. "Come by and buy coffee every once and a while and this whole ordeal is forgotten, no hard feelings. I'll make you my signature drinks on the house to apologize to you, and you come by and chat with me every few days to apologize to me." Letting out another sigh, Eddie said,

"Yeah, fine."

"And don't call me Eds."

[lavender-lotion]

Can you do one where Stiles is more dominant/assertive and takes care (not necessarily in a sexual way) of Derek? Like maybe after the thing with Jennifer or because he feels like he wasn't meant to be an alpha in the first place and needs to let go of responsibilities for a bit. I just need a fic with Stiles being protective and giving Derek the nice things he deserves. (Plus if Derek is trying to look though and like he doesn't need affection/help in the start)

probably not really what you were wanting but here we are 

***

every time you hold me close

The loft was silent. All Stiles could hear was the pounding of his own heart and his uneven breathing. He was shivering—had been, since they first woke from the baths. His clothes were still damp, not yet fully dry, but his dad had insisted on going back to the station and going over the case with the knowledge he now held, and Stiles had never been able to keep him from work before.

Which was why he was at the loft and not in an empty house that was barely a home.

He may not have been pack, not really, but Derek was still his Alpha, and he had no idea what could have happened since the last time he saw him. He just wanted to check in, make sure that he and Cora were doing okay. God, he hoped that Cora was doing okay; Derek didn’t deserve to lose any more family after all he’d gone through.

When he stepped into Derek’s apartment, he knew he wasn’t alone despite the ever-present silence. His head was spinning, his thoughts moving too fast and refusing to slow down. No matter how many deep breaths he took, the pit of anxiety that had grown in his stomach hadn’t lessened.

He didn’t think he was ever going to stop feeling like he had to throw up.

“Derek?” he called, ignoring the tightness in his chest, the darkness that hadn’t lightened since he first got out of the water.

No one answered. He stood where he was, not daring to get any closer. Every time he blinked he could see the spot where Boyd had been thrown onto Derek’s claws, could see the pile of blood that had drained from his chest, the dead look in Derek’s eyes as he realized what had happened.

Fuck, they had all lost so much, Derek more than any of them.

“Hey, Derek? I saw your car outside, dude, are you in here?”

“Don’t call me dude,” Derek’s voice called back, but it was wrong. Flat. There was no infliction, not teasing tilt to his vowels. Nothing that Stiles was used to hearing when Derek spoke to him. It was wrong, so wrong, and it only served to remind Stiles of how horrible everything currently was.

Still, tension bled from his shoulders when he saw Derek, even if the man looked like shit. The skin under his eyes was dark—something Stiles hadn’t even known could happen to werewolves—and the skin of his cheek was sunken in. His clothes nearly hung off him, not fitting like they had only days before. He looked like a shell of himself, and Stiles’ heart nearly broke.

It wasn’t right. It wasn’t right, and he needed to fix it. Fix it like he fixed his dad’s diet and Scott’s asthma. Fix it in all the ways he knew how, by being brash and overly involved and not stepping down until it was finally okay. He took a deep breath that filled his chest and told himself that the worst he could do was fail.

“Der,” Stiles called, holding out his hand in a burst of confidence that was foreign. “Der, come here.”

And he did. Derek’s fingers were smooth as they slid along his palm and Stiles grabbed on before he could change his mind. They stood there breathing each other in as they held hands silently, not doing anything more than watching each other. Stiles knew he probably looked just as horrible as Derek did, and he didn’t bother hiding any of it, not like he usually would.

At this point, they were in this together. He was pack. That couldn’t be taken away from them after how much they had given for it.

But still, Derek looked especially bad, and he couldn’t keep the worry from his voice when he asked, “What happened? Is Cora okay?” Derek nodded, but he didn’t say anything else. “Der, that’s amazing!”

“I’m not the Alpha anymore.” Derek’s voice was flat. Emotionless. It sounded horrible. “I’m nothing.”

“Oh baby,” Stiles breathed, the endearment slipping out even as his heart broke. “Can I give you a hug? Please?”

Derek nodded and he stepped forward before Stiles could move, pressing himself against Stiles’ body and tucking his face neatly into his neck. Stiles’ breath hitched at the action, his heart hammering in response to feeling Derek’s breath ghost along his neck. He ignored the rush that went through him and instead squared his shoulders and planted his feet, prepared to take as much of Derek’s body weight as the man would let him.

And let him he did. As soon as Stiles’ arms were wrapped firmly around his waist, Derek let himself go as if his strings had been cut. He whined, and Stiles made a soothing noise from somewhere deep in his chest as he ran his hand up and down Derek’s back in large, sweeping strokes.

“Oh darling,” Stiles cooed, turning his head so he could nose at Derek’s hairline and rub his chin against the man’s temple to leave behind his scent. Stiles slowly stopped shaking as he held Derek, the wolf’s supernatural heat seeping under his skin and finally making him feel warm.

“Can we go sit down on the couch?” Stiles asked quietly. He had no problem holding Derek up, but he figured what the man really needed right now was touch, and they could cuddle better sitting down.

Derek made a noise, something sharp and high that sounded more like a whine than anything else as he tried to move back. “No, baby, don’t pull away,” Stiles said, his voice laced with the gentlest of scolding. “I’m sorry. But please don’t leave yet? You can pull away any moment you want me to stop touching you, alright? But only if you want me to stop touching you, otherwise I want you to stay right here. Do you understand that, baby?” Stiles asked, letting his fingers ghost over the skin of Derek’s nape before smoothing back down along his spine. Derek nodded, but Stiles ‘tsked’ softly. “Baby, I need words.”

“Only if I don’t want it,” Derek repeated into his neck, the words thick and slurred. It made Stiles shiver, though it was much more pleasant than the feeling from before. “I want it.”

“Good boy!” Stiles said seriously, pulling back so he could look Derek in the eye and thumb the soft skin over his cheek. “Thank you so much, baby. Now, do you want to sit down?”

Derek shook his head, so Stiles hummed and hugged him close again. It was several minutes later that Derek finally took a deep breath and said, “C-can we lie down?”

“Where do you want to lie down, baby?” Stiles asked, though when he made a soft noise he decided the man had said enough. “How about your bed? Would that be comfortable?”

Derek nodded, and Stiles pressed a little kiss to his hair and muttered another good boy under his breath. He had no idea what the hell he was doing, but it felt right. If this was what Derek needed—well, Stiles would do anything to make sure the ones he loved were okay, and Derek had fallen under that category for a while now.

They shuffled through the apartment and to the bedroom, doing their best not to break the hug. It was difficult to move when they were still holding each other, but somehow they made it work as they waddled to the bedroom. Stiles laughed when they nearly tripped, managing to right themselves before either of them fell or got disentangled from the other.

“Sit here baby,” Stiles said, untangling Derek’s fingers from his shirt and guiding him down to the bed. Derek did as asked perfectly. “That was amazing, baby. Thank you so much for listening to me so well.”

Derek flushed prettily, a blush climbing up his cheeks and over his ear. He looked even better like this than he usually did, and Stiles’ heart skipped a beat knowing that it was his words that put them there. He stepped away, wanting to find something more comfortable for them to wear than skinny jeans, and asked if Derek wanted the lights on or off.

“On!” Derek roared before he curled back into himself with a whine. Stiles was across the room in an instant, slowly turning Derek’s face up and leaning down until he could press their foreheads together, so close that he could feel Derek’s breath against his lips and his heart broke when Derek sobbed.

“On. On, please, Sti, on,” Derek begged, his voice broken, and Stiles stepped forward until he could sit down on the seat of Derek’s thighs and hug him to his chest, holding him close and whispering in his ear.

“It’s okay. Baby, it’s okay. It’s all going to be okay,” Stiles told him, knowing in that moment he would do everything in his power to make sure he kept his promise.

***

Read here on AO3!

[carryonmyswansong]

[All page dividers are created by me. If you’d like to use any of them, please message me. I make these to sell and offer sets of two for $3.]

On  Oct 4th, 2018, I received the following ask, at my old blog:

This is my answer:

First of all you need to know some things about me. I am plus size as well as chronically ill. The other things about me is that I do lots and lots of research, when I answer these questions. I try to base my answers on what I’ve observed in the movies, what I know or find out from the comics, as well as any gaps that are filled in via interviews, tweets, and articles. I write MCU fanfic but most of my characterizations come from a mix of the comics as well as the movies. I also google stuff to make sure I am -historically- accurate… or as historically accurate as I can be.

That being said:

Steven Grant Rogers:

Steve Rogers is the son of poor Irish immigrants. He grew up in Brooklyn. He grew up very very ill. In fact, he spent more of his life ill than not, not counting the time he was in the ice, after crashing the plane. SO growing up in that part of town, he had some exposure to plus size women. Whether they were plus size by the 20/30/40s standards or our own, big women are not new to him, and being who he is, I have no doubts that Steve saw beauty where ever it was. His mama taught him right, is what I’m saying.

Steve even says in the moves that he hates bullies. He’s always been bullied. Always ignored. Never taken seriously. Even as Captain America, before he went on real missions… he felt like a performing monkey. He hated it. That’s not what he signed up for. He didn’t want to be a performing monkey in a fancy suit. He wanted to be a real solider, helping other real soldiers, to fight the enemy.

Steve has like zero experience with women. He didn’t get very far with Peggy and he didn’t like her because she was thin. He liked her because she saw past the sick body and saw him for who he was… and Sharon… Don’t even get me fucking started on that disaster of a relationship… I mean come on. The great niece of the only woman you ever loved? Come on Steve. Do better, buddy.

Captain America is sure of himself. Confident. Strong. Seemingly emotionally stable. Steven Grant Rogers? Probably still thinks of himself as that gangly sickly little man who everyone ignores… and is often baffled when pretty women look at him and flirt with him. He is a super soldier. But he hasn’t been one for very long. Not actively.

Look at it this way: when someone who is overweight looses weight, a switch doesn’t flip in their brain and they automatically have good self esteem or a good relationship with their body. Same with someone who is very sick for a long time and finally gets treatment and a cure. These things take their toll on someone’s mind and Steve is no different. He spent so long being unnoticeable that even tho his body is hard and doesn’t get sick, and probably doesn’t age.. and probably has a bigger dick… doesn’t mean he SEES that as who he is.

And another thing. Steve doesn’t work out because he has to. The serum maintains his metabolism and stamina. Steve works out because now he CAN. I keep mentioning him being chronically ill. Because it is VERY important. He was sick for more years than not (again, NOT counting the time he was in the ice)…. So now he can -just be- and not have to worry about passing out or having an asthma attack or having a heart attack because of his blood pressure… he can run in the winter and not have to worry about catching a cold, of all things… Him working out is his way of celebrating that he CAN do those things now, when he couldn’t before… This doesn’t change how he sees himself though. You can celebrate the better you, while still seeing yourself as the not-so-better-you and still have self esteem issues all the same. Those don’t just go away automatically. That’s not how human brains work.

He’d rather live in Brooklyn, where he grew up, then live in The Tower. He’d also rather do his morning runs through the city, then work out in the gym that Tony build, so he can watch his city come alive (Both of these are canon and easily searchable on google)… I only mention this because it speak to the kind of man Steve is. He loves people. And he loves watching people’s lives unfold… It makes him feel attached in a way that he normally can’t because he spent so long on ice that there’s a big disconnect in how he relates to people

He isn’t gonna care if his girl can “keep up”. No one, except Bucky, and maybe comic!Natasha, can keep up with him. He doesn’t want another super soldier or spy as a partner. He wants someone he can hang up the mantle of Captain America, and just be Steve Rogers, from Brooklyn, with. Period. Someone who will love him for who he is, not his serum, or celebrity status, or paycheck. None of that. He would want someone who SEES him for who he is. Not what he can give them. And Steve isn’t fucking shallow and to assume otherwise is really insulting to the man who grew up almost too disabled to live as long as he did. But somehow his will to live, got him far enough that now he is a super soldier and is Captain America.

Steve is also an artist and sees beauty absolutely everywhere, and yes, even the fat girl he passes on the street who stares at her shoes because she’s afraid to take up space but can’t help it. Steve understands, probably better than most, that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and growing up, he wished people saw him instead of ignoring him. So fat girls? Are not off his radar. And they ain’t gotta be conventionally or “acceptably” pretty, in order for him to notice them.

James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes:

Ok, so if you think Bucky is shallow, just cuz he’s fit… then you don’t know the man at all.

He grew up with Steve as his best friend (at least in the MCU, anyways)… They were practically brothers, and since Bucky lost his mom at a very early age, guess who helped raise him before she passed? Yup, Mama Rogers.

Sure, Bucky is often considered a womanizer, in the MCU… But people are so afraid to portray good looking men with fat women because its often presented as a joke… because fat bodies are not seen as good bodies so why would a fit man want to be with a fat body?

Thing is tho, a lot of fit men are with women (and men and other genders) who have fat bodies. And not for fetish reasons either. Its because they are decent people who SEE their partner and not just the fat or the lack of fat or whatever else.

You also need to understand something about Bucky. Bucky of the 30/40s might have been a little full of himself, but he wasn’t shallow. If he was, he wouldn’t have been Steve’s friend. He wouldn’t have interacted with him in public. He wouldn’t have admitted to even knowing the scrawny chronically ill man who insisted on picking fights with men who were much much bigger than him, simply because he saw an injustice that needed tending to. By all rights, Steve was embarrassing. But Bucky is better than that. And loved and accepted Steve for who he is. Period.

So of course he’d be that way with women. He might not have committed to them, but Bucky loves women. And women come in all shapes and sizes. Why wouldn’t he like fat women, too?

Fast forward to Bucky with the metal arm. You know, the arm he needs and if he didn’t have he’d only have ONE ARM WHICH MEANS HE IS DISABLED, NO MATTER HOW ADVANCED THE DAMN ARM IS???????

Bucky ain’t a shallow man. And fit or not, he hates who Hydra made him into. Who cares about the chiseled abs or the ability to run side by side with Steve or the ability to accurately shoot a target in his peripheral vision. They stole his life. They took everything from him. But what they didn’t take from him was the teaching of one Mama Rogers, and the life lessons that come from being best friends with a disabled man. It might have taken him a bit to remember both of those things, but Bucky? Bucky loves women and that will never change. No matter fat or thin.

And have you seen Bucky’s thighs? If that man wasn’t built to bone fat chicks against walls, then I don’t know what even the point of those thighs even are… But he’s better than that. With who he is now? He isn’t just a one night stand kind of guy. He’s in it for the long haul and he isn’t gonna let a little thing like someone’s weight, deter him from seeing the beauty in them.

Steve and Bucky’s fit status and raging metabolism aren’t going to suddenly make them into shallow people who will only love or bone women who are of “acceptable” size. When both men could literally easily carry an overweight girl, over their shoulder, like she is a 5lb sack of potatoes. Because of both of their life experiences, as both disabled or friends with someone disabled, and all that stuff that came with their lives… I really don’t see them ignoring a woman just because she’s not fit or just because she’s got a big belly or can’t run a mile in under a certain time.

You would also do well to remember that people can be healthy at any size and someone’s weight doesn’t determine their health. Just like there are unhealthy fat people, there are also unhealthy thin people… and both can be unhealthy in the exact same way. And both Bucky and Steve are going to know this.

Send me an Ask! | Lets discuss stuff!

[Once i get more of my blog settled, I will be transferring over all of my asks. But until then, you can find them HERE.]

[youhearstatic]

Exit Interview for a Fic

(or: 10 Questions Every Fic Writer Secretly Wants to be Asked)

I’ve decided that I’m going to do one of these whenever I finish a fic as a sort of exit interview with myself. It’s too easy to forget stuff as you move on and time passes, you know? I want to remember what I felt as soon as it was finished.

So here’s a bunch of questions about Losing Time.

Under a readmore because again, it’s long and pretty really self indulgent! (There are some behind the scenes/further explanation of things if you are interested though.)

1. Of the fics you’ve written, which is your favorite and why? I’m still going to say the unfinished Barry POV even though that’s awful of me. I know I keep saying this but there’s a section in that story that I’m just so freaking proud of and can’t wait to share... But I have to wait because the fic is unfinished and I can’t put that one up episodically. So even though it’s unfinished that section makes it my favorite.

Having said that? I’m really damn proud of this! Putting up something one chapter/part/episode at a time was nerve wracking. Hoping I’ve laid down enough pieces to pick up later? And I didn’t know what I was doing for at least the first third, and only an idea for the next third. And I FINISHED IT! So yeah, proud of all of that. Plus there was a lot of stuff that’s outside my wheelhouse. So I pushed my boundaries in a lot of ways that I’m also proud of.

2. Which scene was your favorite to write in Losing Time? This is going to sound awful but... part 10 - the scene where Barry/Sildar goes through the portal. That’s when it felt to me like the story changed gears if that makes sense. Up to that point it was just so. much. talking. It was necessary! But I felt like I was doing a really crappy job telling a story when it was just so much standing around talking.

And just for an early scene that made me have hope there was something good here: Lup helping Barry/Sildar with the panic/asthma attack. Lup is so ferocious and caring and just this amazing force of nature and that moment between the two of them answered the question “what would happen if they met and he didn’t know her?” Obviously the answer was: he’d fall instantly in love with her of course. She came in and terrified him and still he was putty in her hands thirty seconds later.

3. Which part of Losing Time was hardest to write? I think part 11 was hardest. Like I just said, it felt like the story had just changed gears and I knew where things needed to go but only in the vaguest sense. I sat looking at an empty page for the longest with that section, for sure.

And then of course the end of part 14. That scene needed to carry weight and the whole time I was writing it, right up until that last line showed up, I felt like I was failing miserably.

4. If you could change anything in Losing Time, what would it be? I wish I were better at writing Taako. I feel like I understand his thinking and motivations? But his speaking style is really hard for me to emulate. I don’t want to lean into it too hard and make him ridiculous because he’s not! So I probably err too hard the other way, unfortunately.

5. Did you make an outline for Losing Time? Did you stick to it? No outline at all. I started this thing with a vague “what if” idea: what if Barry were suddenly younger? It turned into more what ifs. What if Barry was suddenly - after canon, with Lup there - alive without his memories? How would everyone else deal with it? How would that effect he and Lup? I certainly didn’t write part one with any clue what was going to happen - I didn’t even know it was going to become a full fic. 

6. Which scenes did you cut, and which were added in Losing Time? There was another scene with Merle but it was giving too much information too soon. I pushed it back and then it just didn’t fit anymore. I also had a brief conversation with Magnus but I knew I wanted this to be the four of them - Barry, Lup, Taako, and Kravitz - so that didn’t go very far before I cut it.

Also, originally they were not going to tell him what was going on. Then I was like... hold up. He’s an adult. Lup would respect him more than that. She would absolutely argue to tell him the truth. So there was more of them keeping things from him that got cut out.

7. Who was your favorite character to write in Losing Time? Lup. I think at this point in the timeline she’s still struggling with the last decade and trying to figure out what their lives are like now. I think she’s just starting to figure that stuff out and then this knocks her for a loop. (heh)  I was a little worried in the earlier parts when she and Taako were talking and just kept having this friction. I didn’t want it to seem like I was having her just be this emotional ping pong ball bouncing all over but... she kind of is? She and Taako are butting heads there. It’s for the same reason though - they are scared and worried and neither are dealing with their emotions very well. Taako has seen that he’s got the tendency to try to cut out people before they can lead to pain and at one point he’s reminding himself not to do that with Kravitz but then he’s totally doing that with Kravitz. And he’s doing it with Barry. To part of him, he’s decided this is already a failure and he is going to shut that part of himself down and stop caring about Barry before it hurts. But dude, it’s too late! And that attitude - like Lup understands but also she can. not. take. it. But then it spirals back around to her feeling like if she’d been around he wouldn’t have gotten this bad about things. So she’s feeling so many things. I really hope I handled it well enough to make that clear but I suspect it’s a weak point.

OH WAIT I FORGOT. Favorite character to write? THE RAVEN QUEEN. I can’t imagine trying to write her for more than brief glimpses but good grief, she is SO much fun to write. My favorite scene ever (as yet unshared sorry) involves her and I just... ahhh. I feel like there is ALWAYS so much going on behind her words. She is absolutely an enigmatic deity. Also, yeah, totally ship her and Istus like for real. But also I think she plays it cool. She plays EVERYTHING cool. Unless she’s mad. 

8. Which came first, the title or the fic? The title was basically me going: okay if I’m going to start putting this on AO3 it has to have a name so... It was the best I could come up with.

9. Which idea came to you first in Losing Time? Just the general idea of de-aged Barry.

10. What are some facts readers may not know about Losing Time? Apologies, this is gonna get really long! 

I really struggled with a few things: 

Lup’s emotions, like I mentioned above.

The Barry/Sildar name thing. It just started as part of his confusion when Lup first comes in. I headcanon hard the thing about Barry was a typo and the twins never let it go and then they added the Bluejeans part. I feel like for a little while it maybe bothered him but then he realized it came from a place of love - the twins tease everyone about everything and that was the earliest sign they accepted him - and so he embraced the name to the point that Lucretia didn’t try to erase it with the void fish. (In my Barry POV story he tries to give his ‘real’ name when alive and memory-less but it just doesn’t feel right so he goes by Barry. So when the coin says “Your name is Barry Bluejeans” it’s not just saying: here’s proof I know what I’m talking about. It’s saying: here’s proof you know what I’m taking about.)  Then in this story, the name thing became a bigger issue. It was him standing up for himself, making himself a full fledged part of things, not just a wounded bird they were dragging along and looking out for. (Which is also why he knocks out the guy with the empty health pot. Even without magic, Barry is a fucking scrapper who will try his damnedest to hold his own.) And I felt like Lup would absolutely respect his wishes on that. Taako slips up not because he doesn’t care but because he’s so much more off the cuff about things. It’s not coming from disrespect, it’s habit. But what I really went back and forth on was how does the narrative refer to him? Is it confusing to switch in the middle? I decided it would be more confusing to call him Barry while the characters called him Sildar. Also, obviously, it was going to be part of the conclusion. The most confusing was when they’re talking about things that happened to Barry before he was de-aged. Kravitz goes back and forth then just calls that person Barry-of-three-days-ago which seemed a very Kravitz way to handle things.

Writing that scene at the end of part 14. I knew that was coming for a while. Sildar had to make the decision that saving the innocent mattered. I knew there’d be a happy ending. I knew what the Raven Queen was up to. I knew pretty quickly (though not immediately!) that Lup referencing him saying “last first kiss” would come back. But that scene... it was important! It needed to be big! It needed to feel like a sacrifice! And I was writing it and it was... okay. And then, without thought or plan I typed “and then he let her go.” And reader, I fucking cried. I cried and I shut my laptop. I’ve NEVER cried at my own writing. Now, I’m well aware that the line only has power because of GRIFFIN’S words and I’m fine with that. I’m not trying to claim any skill or effectiveness. I’m saying it was a gift that finally gave the scene the weight it needed. The scene got better on editing but I could work on it for a hundred years and never get it to where I wanted it to be. But that line redeemed it, got it as close as it was going to get. Having said all that? I know that people will HATE me for cliffhanger-ing there. I honestly thought for a long time that it would end on a very long part 14. And then it kept getting longer and longer and I scrolled back up going... where can I break this and... yeah. I’m sorry. That’s where it needed to break. That’s the shift in things. That’s where the pause belonged.

And then...... Sildar stabs himself. I knew that dagger was coming a long time back. I was pretty sure when Taako asked Angus to research he was going to find info on the dagger. I knew the dagger - this ancient magic weapon that actually belonged to The Raven Queen (part of why she was SO FURIOUS) - was the magic explanation for what was happening. And I knew that he’d already been hit with it. (I hope it’s implied clearly enough in the story that is what happened even though the specific events of 3 days ago are never clearly explained.) And look, it’s rough stuff. I knew and I know. But I literally could not think of any other way for it to work. He had to make that decision. This was not him committing suicide. I realize that’s a fucking razor thin margin but that was not my intent. This was him saying, I fucked up and while it’s not entirely my fault I now take responsibility for this innocent and will do what I can to fix the situation. And since he wasn’t a reaper anymore... His touch didn’t work, his blood didn’t work... because literally his soul was the key. Also... in case it’s not clear I’ll say it here: The Raven Queen totally knew this was the best case secnario but she couldn’t say that. Her hands were tied. That’s why she’s ANGRY AS HELL. Someone fucked with her people and she’s furious. Sildar is out of her hands. He really was clear of his lichdom and his service to her and had he died without the ‘decision’ between him and Istus going the way that it did, his soul would have released to the Primordial Soup/Sea of Souls. The Queen knew this was the only way this could work out and she couldn’t influence it. That’s why she couldn’t manipulate space to get him on that path. She only did it the first time to protect him. She booked out of her court because she could not participate any further in the proceedings without influencing things she wasn’t allowed to alter. In the Stockade, she’s the one who opened the portal for the innocent. The string disappeared (Istus’s dominion over him) and she regifted him the feather (her dominion over him and all that entailed.)

Oh, and one last, small thing. Just for bookending, when Barry checks to see if he can summon his staff? He says the exact same thing he said before he went through the portal. Only this time, of course, it works. I hoped that was proof enough that everything was fixed.

If you’ve read all this, thank you! I feel like I owe you a prize or something. Thanks so much for sticking with me through this project. It was fun. I hope there’s more stuff like this to come!

[singingpuppies]

RP With Sanders-Sides-RP-Blog-12

Who: Patton and Roman.

Part: Nineteen.

General Notes: When Patton woke up this morning, he was a regular guy. Now he’s come to find out that he was kidnapped as a baby and he’s actually a Prince, who’s set up in an arranged marriage with another Prince named Roman. How will Patton react to so much changing in his life all at once? Especially when neither of the young princes want to marry someone they’ve just met?

Warnings: None just lots of cute.

ROMAN

Remus watches and he sees that Virgil is getting really upset and anxious, and when he sets his bowl down, and he pulls Virgil into his lap, wrapping his arms around him firmly and holding him close to himself, softly whispering to him and just holding him tight to his chest. "VeeVee, if you need to leave we can go into the other room for a few minutes." he tells him softly, still gently petting his hair. Roman looks over at Virgil, clearly worried about his friend. Janus looks at Virgil worriedly, frowning softly. "Virgil- if you need to leave the room, don't hesitate, okay?"

PATTON

Virgil was extremely grateful when Remus pulled him into his lap and wrapped his arms around him, the pressure helping somehow. He hated to admit that he couldn't remember a time that it was this hard to breathe during an anxiety attack... maybe he'd made a mistake and he should've taken it more seriously and stepped away from the group sooner. Logan's brow furrowed a bit as he looked at Virgil, paying close attention to the way Virgil's breathing had changed, studying him. Virgil wanted to respond when both Remus and Janus insisted that it was okay for him to leave the room if he needed to, but he couldn't. He couldn't get the words out, he couldn't get any words out... he was hyperventilating and it felt like there was absolutely no air in the room but it was different than when Remus had found him in the bathroom a few days ago, it was worse. It was making his chest hurt. He was about to move to pull his hood over his head but then he remembered he wasn't wearing his hoodie. He'd never put it back on... shit, shit, shit. Realizing that he didn't have his hoodie only made his anxiety worse, knowing it was just in the next room but he needed it on.

ROMAN

Remus saw how stressed Virgil seems, saw him hyperventilating and he just holds him closer, and he sees him reach for something near his neck- looked like he was about to adjust something and then thought better of it- Remus felt like he was missing something important that he should know. "I'm going to take him into the other room." Remus says to the others, before standing up, and walking with Virgil in his arms to Virgil's room, carrying him out and bringing him into his room, closing the door and sitting on the bed with him, holding Virgil close to himself still, hugging him tightly. "It's okay sweetheart- I'm right here." he tells him softly. Roman looks over as the two leave, chewing his bottom lip worriedly. Janus fiddles with his hands, then looks back at the rest of the group. "He'll be fine..." he says, trying to assure everyone.

PATTON

The more Virgil thought about his hoodie being draped over his desk chair and not on him, the worse his anxiety got. He barely even noticed when Remus picked him up and carried him into the other room away from the group. He wanted to ask for his hoodie, but he couldn't catch his breath enough to form words, was it getting worse? This might've been the worst anxiety attack he'd ever had, but why? What had caused it? He grabbed his chest, trying to focus on the weight on him from Remus, which helped, but he still needed his hoodie. He needed both. Logan watched carefully as Remus stood up and carried Virgil into the next room, listening carefully to the sound of Virgil's breathing. Something wasn't right... could it be... "Remus." Logan tried, but the door shut before he could continue, letting out a frustrated huff. Patton gave a nervous nod when Janus stated that he'd be fine, Logan shaking his head before he hurried over to his bag, digging through it quickly, clearly searching for something specific.

ROMAN

Janus looks over at Logan seeing him looking for something. "Logan- what are you looking for?" he asks him, a bit confused. Was something worse than an anxiety attack going on? Remus looks at Virgil, and he's wondering what he needed- how he could help him. "The hoodie-!" he remembers- he doesn't think he's ever seen Virgil without it, maybe that will help him calm down? He goes over the the desk chair, Virgil still in his arms, and he picks up the hoodie, and brings it and Virgil back over to the bed, and he gently drapes the fabric around Virgil. "Is that what you want, VeeVee? Is that helping?" he asks worriedly.

PATTON

"No time to explain." Logan said quickly, dumping all the contents of his bag all over the floor in his haste, not really caring that they'd just spent all that time cleaning, he'd clean it all up later. Virgil was relieved when Remus remembered his hoodie, trying to put it on when Remus draped it over him, or at the very least just get the hood up. At Remus' question, he wasn't sure what to do because even if his breathing was allowing him to speak he wasn't sure of the answer. It was definitely what he wanted, but as for if it was helping, well... it was... but it also... wasn't. Which was strange, because his hoodie always helped, but he still couldn't breathe. It was getting worse and he felt like he might pass out if he didn't get it under control soon. Calming thoughts, he just had to think of things that would calm his anxious mind. Remus, Remus was here and he could focus on that. Finally finding what he was looking for, Logan nearly tripped trying to rush over to the door. "Remus, let me in." he demanded as he knocked, not even giving Remus the chance to respond before he turned to Roman. "You're the older brother, force him to let me in." he stated.

ROMAN

"I- okay? That's an extremely worrying statement." Janus says, trying to catch a glimpse of whatever Logan had in his hand. "Remus let him in!" Roman calls. Remus looks at the door, wondering what was going on, maybe something important. "It's not locked!" he tells Logan, not wanting to leave Virgil to get up and answer the door.

PATTON

Logan opened the door the second he heard it wasn't locked, hurrying over to Virgil. Patton noticed Logan hadn't bothered to shut the door, so he looked in as best as he could from where he was, curious as to what Logan was doing and wanting to make sure Virgil was okay. "I didn't know if you owned one, so I figured it was just easier to let you borrow mine instead of searching your house." he said as he held his inhaler out to Virgil, even through his trouble breathing he still gave Logan a confused look. "Just take it." Logan insisted, pushing it closer to Virgil, who did as Logan said, using it, surprised when it helped. "Did you know you had asthma or is this the first you're hearing of it?" Logan questioned, Virgil was still shaky and having a bit of trouble breathing but at least he could respond now. "I knew... I just... I haven't had an asthma attack since I was like... eight... I figured I out grew it..." Virgil said between less severe wheezes. 

"Asthma symptoms that start in childhood can disappear later in life, but sometimes a child's asthma can go away temporarily only to return years later." Logan stated. "I just thought... I was having an anxiety attack..." Virgil gasped. "You are... they were happening simultaneously." Logan stated. "How comforting..." Virgil mumbled. Great, he didn't just have to worry about asthma, he had to worry about asthma during an anxiety attack? Delightful. "Now that you're no longer wheezing, I don't believe this anxiety attack is as bad as you originally thought. Do you have an inhaler around here somewhere or do we need to get you one?" Logan questioned. "I don't know... I don't think I... brought my old one when I moved... would it even be good anymore?" Virgil replied. "No, we'll just get you a new one, but you can hold onto mine for now just incase you need it again." Logan stated. "Thanks... but, what if you need it?" Virgil questioned. "I'll take it back, I guess." Logan shrugged.

ROMAN

Remus looks at Virgil and watches as Logan hands the inhaler to Virgil. Oh- Remus felt like a fucking idiot. He had fucked it up a bit more- but he was glad that Logan had been there to recognize the signs of what was really happening. "Thank you Logan." he tells him sincerely, holding Virgil closer to himself protectively. He held him close, starting to pet his hair again. Janus watched Logan enter the room, and he stands to follow after him, and so does Roman, still holding Patton by the hand. Janus blinks. Logan had been able to recognize it as asthma? Janus was so proud of this kid.

PATTON

Virgil's breathing was still a bit shaky, he could tell he was still having an anxiety attack, but the combination of Remus holding him and having his hoodie again was helping make that a lot easier to get through now that it had gotten so much easier to breathe. "Of course." Logan said when Remus thanked him. "How'd you know it was asthma and not just an anxiety attack?" Patton questioned from his spot by the door, still holding Roman's hand. "I have asthma, so I've gotten pretty good at recognizing it. Plus, I've been around Virgil before during anxiety attacks where his breathing became irregular and this sounded different... more... wheezy?" Logan said before giving another shrug. "Good thing you don't have anywhere to be... you really need to relax." Logan said as he looked back at Virgil. "Remus is meeting my parents tonight, I can't cancel that." Virgil stated. 

"Well, if you make sure not to do anything from now until then you should be okay for that... but I mean it when I say don't do anything. No cooking, cleaning, practicing your... Knight stuff... thought I doubt you'd do that anyway with your ankle. If you want to go tonight, then you have to put any other responsibilities on the figurative back burner until then." Logan stated. "Fine, I can do that." Virgil said, though he wasn't actually sure he could. He was independent and stubborn. Would he actually be able to go a day letting everyone else do everything for him? "You should probably go back to sleep since it's almost 4 AM, but you might have trouble since there could be some coughing and wheezing and that always keeps me up after I have an asthma attack. 

If there's anything that helps calm you down you might want to do it so that your anxiety symptoms don't cause your asthmatic symptoms to flare up again, it's understandable for your emotional state to be fragile." Logan said. "My emotional state is always fragile, have you met me?" Virgil replied sarcastically. "What do you think caused it?" Patton asked. "Could be anything. Allergies, he could be coming down with something, I get really bad asthma when I get sick. He didn't eat all that much today, so it could be that he started getting acid reflux from not eating enough and that triggered it... or most likely when we consider the person who had the asthma attack... stress can also cause them." Logan explained.

ROMAN

Remus listens to everything that Logan is saying, then looks down at Virgil in his arms. He knew that his boyfriend was very independent- and didn't really like constantly being doted over- so Remus was going to have to practically force him to relax and calm down and take care of himself. He doesn't want Virgil to hurt himself more, didn't want him to push himself. "VeeVee? Do you want some water before you try to go to sleep?" he asks him softly, still petting his hair, holding him close. Janus looks over at Logan. The kid knew all that? It seemed that every single day Logan found more and more ways to impress Janus- the kid was amazing- if he hadn't been here who the hell knows what would have happened to Virgil? Roman stands close to Patton, leaning against him a little bit, staying close to him. He was glad that Virgil was okay.

PATTON

Virgil gave a small nod to Remus' question. "I can get you water." Patton offered, figuring Remus wouldn't want to leave Virgil right now. He certainly wouldn't want to leave if it were Roman. "Just try to relax and rest and you should be alright to go tonight." Logan stated, Virgil reaching his hand up to mess up Logan's hair a bit. "Thanks, kid. I owe you one." Virgil said, Logan giving him a small smile before looking back at everyone else. "I suppose tomorrow I should teach you all how to tell the difference between an anxiety attack and an asthma attack so you're better prepared if it happens again in the future and I'm not around." Logan stated. 

"Or if it happens to you." Virgil pointed out. "Well, I don't have anxiety so I'm sure everyone will realize if it happens to me, but I suppose it's best to be prepared when it comes to how to handle the situation for either one of us, yes." Logan said with a nod. "Well, goodnight." Logan said, Virgil giving Logan a small nod as he left the room, going over to all the bowls from the ice cream and bringing them to the kitchen so he could wash them. "Glad you're okay." Patton said softly as he handed him the water. "Don't forget, we still gotta name that cat." Virgil said with a small smile, not wanting Patton to worry. Patton gave a shy nod before grabbing Roman's hand so that they could head back to bed. Once everyone was out of the room, Virgil sighed. "Remus, I'm so sorry, I really thought it was just another anxiety attack." he said quickly.

ROMAN

Remus holds Virgil, holding him close to himself and watching him drink the water, shaking his head quickly. "No Virgil, please don't apologize. VeeVee, I didn't know, I'm sorry that I didn't realize- I'm your boyfriend, I should have noticed that you weren't just having an anxiety attack- god, I don't know what would have happened if Logan wasn't here." he tells him, gently rubbing his back, stroking his hair gently and holding him tight. Janus watches Logan as the four of them walked back into the room. "Logan- that was... impressive, I don't know how you figured it out." he says, going to go and help him with the dishes. Roman walks back to bed with Patton, sitting on the pullout and pulling Patton close to himself, holding him tight.

PATTON

Virgil shook his head. "No, Rems, I didn't even know what was going on, how were you suppose to have any idea? Even though it hasn't happened in over ten years, I should've told you I had asthma as a kid." he said seriously. When Remus pointed out that he didn't know what would've happened if Logan wasn't here, Virgil bit his lip. "Well, luckily, he was here so... we don't have to think about it." he said as he relaxed at the feeling of Remus rubbing his back and playing with his hair, not wanting his boyfriend to get anxious thinking about what could've happened. Patton cuddled up as close to Roman as he possibly could. Logan washed the bowls before drying them so he could put them back where they belonged. "Like I said, I have asthma myself, so I'm pretty good at recognizing the symptoms." Logan said with a small shrug. "I've read a lot about people who've had asthma attacks cause them harm because they didn't know they had asthma and mistook the symptoms for an anxiety attack so I figured I had to intervene since I assumed that was what was happening with Virgil."

ROMAN

Remus looks at Virgil, and he gently looks at him, still holding him close. "It's fine Vee- you didn't know, you thought that you didn't have it anymore. It's okay Virgil, we can just try and go to sleep now. There's absolutely no need for you to apologize at all." he tells him softly, moving so that the two of them were laying down. Janus nods, taking the bowls from him and putting them away. "Yeah- you're good at that. Honestly I don't know what we'd do without you Logan." he tells him. Roman wraps his arm around Patton, closing his eyes softly.

PATTON

Virgil reached over to set the glass on the nightstand. He gave a small nod to what Remus said before laying down with him, resting his head on his boyfriend before letting out a small sigh and closing his eyes, hoping he didn't have as much trouble falling asleep as Logan said he might, but he tried to push the thought out of his head since he knew himself well enough to know he could keep himself up just by thinking about the fact that he might have trouble falling asleep. Logan finished putting away the dishes, smiling to himself at Janus' comment. It was nice to feel appreciated. "I'm glad I could help." he said before starting to walk back to the living room. Instead of going back to bed, or rather his make shift chair bed, he sat himself on the floor and started to put away everything he'd dumped from his bag, yawning as he tried to organize his belongings. Patton was worried about Virgil, but he was so tired that he actually managed to fall asleep pretty quickly, still cuddled up to Roman.

ROMAN

Remus holds him close, humming softly and gently petting his hair, and holding him close to himself. "Try and get some sleep VeeVee." he tells him softly, holding him close to himself tightly. He kisses his cheek gently, relaxing against him. Janus watches Logan putting things away, and he moves over there to help him. He starts neatly putting things back into the bag, helping him organize again.

PATTON

Virgil noticed his breathing had a bit more of a wheeze to it now that he was laying down, though it wasn't anything terrible, he wasn't even sure if it was noticeable enough for Remus to pick up on it, but Logan had warned him that could happen so he really wasn't worried about it. The few times he felt a cough coming on he made sure to turn away from Remus, but it didn't happen that often so he mostly just stayed cuddled up to his boyfriend, letting himself relax and get lost in how nice it felt to have Remus hold him and petting his hair and humming which Virgil found incredibly calming. Logan seemed very set on making sure the bag was perfectly organized, grateful for Janus' help since he was pretty tired, but he wanted to do this right. If he'd been a bit more organized he wouldn't have had to dump the bag to find the inhaler, so he had to be better so he could continue to take care of his friends, how was he suppose to get any sleep knowing his belongings weren't perfect?

ROMAN

Remus notices him wheezing, of course he does, he's always paying a lot of attention to Virgil, but he figured that if Virgil was really hurt, really in pain, he'd tell him. Remus eventually falls asleep beside him, his eyes closing softly as he drifted off, snoring softly besides him. Janus helped organizing at best he can, and then when they were done, he looks over at Logan, standing up. "Get some sleep Logan, okay?" he tells him gently.

PATTON

Virgil couldn't really fall asleep, but he noticed when Remus did, smiling a bit to himself when he heard his boyfriend lightly snoring. Ugh, he was so cute. Virgil just cuddled up closer to him and kept his eyes shut, mostly drifting in and out of sleep, only actually staying asleep for a half hour at the most before he'd wake up again, but when he did, he just focused on Remus. Part of Logan wanted to double check that everything was as organized as it possibly could be, but he knew Janus would want him to go to sleep, so he gave a small nod in response. "Okay, goodnight." he said before climbing onto his chair and curling up under the blanket, falling asleep faster than he'd expected to.

ROMAN

Janus watches as Logan went to bed, and then after he watched him go to sleep, he sighs, moving over to the other chair, and then tucking his legs up onto it. He pulls the blanket there over himself, and he doesn't fall asleep for a while- just takes a second to think of all of the events that happened today- and then he eventually falls asleep.

PATTON

Patton seemed to be the first one up, deciding that someone should check on Virgil. He climbed out of bed, careful not to wake Roman up before quietly pushing the door open to Virgil's bedroom. Virgil opened his eyes when he heard the familiar squeak of his door, turning to see Patton. "Just checking that you were okay... did you sleep alright?" Patton whispered, trying not to make too much noise because he didn't want to wake up Remus. "Didn't sleep much, to be honest, but the sleep I did get was good." Virgil said with a yawn. "I guess I should get up and make breakfast for everyone." Virgil said without really thinking, not moving to get up yet though, as he was still trying to find a way to do so without waking Remus. "Virgil, you can't, remember what Logan said." Patton reminded, Virgil blinked. 

"But cooking is relaxing." Virgil protested, Patton shaking his head. "Logan said not to, not if you want to be okay for tonight." Virgil sighed. "I can make breakfast." Patton continued. "I thought you didn't know how to cook." Virgil said. "Well, I don't, but I can improvise." Patton said with a smile. "I promise not to burn down your kitchen." he finished before heading into the kitchen, Virgil letting out a small sigh as he let his head fall back onto his boyfriend. Patton didn't actually know how to make breakfast foods, but he did know how to bake and make desserts. It might not have been the healthiest breakfast in the world, but maybe he could think of a dessert that had a breakfast vibe to it. Smiling when something came to mind, he grabbed the ingredients he needed and got started.

ROMAN

Remus was still asleep for now, pulling Virgil as close to himself as possible. He doesn't intend to get up for a while, and he is a pretty heavy sleeper in general- but now that he had someone with him, he was comfier than ever, and he didn't intend to get up if he can help it. He shifts a bit in his sleep, snuggling closer. Roman blinks when he felt Patton move away from him, sitting up. "Pat?" he asks, blinking and looking for where his husband went.

PATTON

Virgil smiled to himself, letting out a small, happy laugh when he felt Remus pull him closer in his sleep. He doubted he'd be able to fall back asleep, the combination of struggling to sleep all night and now worrying that Patton might burn his kitchen down trying to make breakfast making it impossible to do so, so instead he just reached his hand up to play with his boyfriend's hair as he slept. Patton turned when he heard Roman's voice, waving at him from his place in the kitchen. "Hi." he said with a smile, a bit of flour on his face from what he was making.

ROMAN

"'Morning...." Remus mumbles, his voice husky and low from having just woken up, nuzzling his face into Virgil's neck. He yawns, keeping his eyes closed, in that half-awake-half-asleep state that you're in in the morning you know the one- In the other room, Roman smiles at Patton, stretching and standing up. "Hey Pat- making breakfast?" he asks. "Do you need any help?" he asks him.

PATTON

Virgil glanced away from Remus' hair when he heard him speak, looking back at his face and smiling a bit... he loved the sound of Remus' morning voice. He smile more when he felt Remus nuzzle his face into his neck, letting out a small, happy laugh. "Morning, babe." he said softly, still running his hand through Remus' hair slowly. Patton nodded at the question. "Mmhmm, I'm almost done. I didn't want Virgil to feel like he had to get up but I don't know how to cook, so I decided to make a blueberry breakfast cake!" he said, trying to be quiet since Logan and Janus were still sleeping, but he was quite proud of himself for the idea. "I'm about to put it in the oven, but you can help me clean up so that by the time it's done the kitchen doesn't look so messy." he said, wiping at his face with his hand, but since that was also covered in flour that only resulted in more flour on his face.

ROMAN

Remus smiles softly, leaning up into the hand on his hair. "Feeling okay, scare bear?" Remus asks him softly, yawning slightly, and holding Virgil closer. Roman smiles a bit, getting up and out of bed and walking over to Patton, standing behind him and gently wrapping an arm around him, leaning against him and pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. "Okay- I can help clean up." he says with a little smile, starting to clean up the kitchen.

PATTON

Virgil let out a small laugh as his face got red. "Feeling a lot better since you called me that." he said happily before kissing the top of Remus' head. That may have been the cutest, sweetest, thing he'd ever heard. Patton smiled when he felt Roman wrap his arm around him and kiss his cheek, putting the cake in the oven before turning back to Roman and poking his side a bit. "One more." he said hopefully, referring to the kiss he'd gotten on the cheek, though this time he was pointing to his lips.

ROMAN

Remus laughs softly, giggling a bit at Virgil. "You like that pet name?" he asks with a smile, laughing softly, and leaning to kiss his nose gently. "I've got a few in my head- but I like that one a lot. Fits you." Remus says with a smile. Roman looks at Patton, laughing softly, before nodding, "Of course." he says, before moving to quickly kiss him.

PATTON

Virgil smiled, his nose scrunching slightly as his boyfriend kissed it. "I definitely like it, a lot." he said happily before raising his eyebrows slightly. "Oh, yeah? I'm officially intrigued, do I get to know the other few that are in your head?" he asked with a smile. Patton bounced a bit, excitedly, smiling even more when Roman said he was getting another kiss, smiling against his lips as they met.

ROMAN

Remus smiles softly at him, watching him raise his eyebrows. "Well, I thought about stormcloud- that's cute, and then I already really like VeeVee," he says with a little smile. "And then you're my creepy little cookie- which is probably cheesy." he says with a little smile. Roman laugh softly, smiling into the kiss, gently pulling Patton a bit closer to himself.

PATTON

Virgil smiled even more as Remus listed off all the nicknames he'd come up with, his face going more red, especially at 'stormcloud'. "Oh my God, I'm obsessed with all of those." he said with a huge smile on his face. "The fact that any of those make you think of me... ugh, you're perfect." he said with a smile before grabbing Remus' face gently and giving him a kiss. Patton only smiled more when he felt Roman pull him closer, wrapping his arms around him, being very careful of his arm.

ROMAN

Remus grins softly, watching Virgil's face go redder and redder, especially at stormcloud. "I'm far from perfect stormcloud- but you? If aliens came to Earth and abducted the most perfect person, they'd definitely pick you." he says with a bright smile, grinning when he was kissed, cupping Virgil cheek and happily kissing back. Roman smiles softly, pulling away from the kiss and resting his and Patton's foreheads together.

PATTON

Virgil smiled more, letting out a soft laugh. "Well, I don't know that I'd say I'm perfect, but I guess if that did happen they'd have to take both of us, because first of all, you definitely are perfect, and second of all, there's no way I'm going anywhere without you." he said with a playful shrug before he kissed his boyfriend, leaning into the kiss a bit more as it continued. Patton looked back at Roman when he pulled away, smiling when he rested his forehead on his own.

ROMAN

Remus grins, and he's happy to kiss Virgil- until he remembers that he isn't supposed to be doing anything that could potentially inhibit Virgil from breathing- so a lot of kissing is a no-no for today. "Scare bear- as much as I'd love to keep kissing you- I'm not allowed to take your breath away today." he says with a little smile, reminding him. Roman kisses his forehead once, before starting to clean up the kitchen like Patton asked.

PATTON

Virgil blinked when Remus pulled away before pouting at what he said. "I can't cook, can't kiss my boyfriend... today sucks..." he mumbled, still pouting before smiling a bit. "But, Logan also said stress made it worse, and you destress me, so therefore, I would say that's enough... asthma science to get me more kisses... like you can't argue with science, Rems." he said with another playful shrug. Patton started to help Roman clean up before realizing the food he'd made was ready, taking it out of the oven carefully, very obviously proud of his work and his ability to come up with something breakfasty that he could actually make.

ROMAN

Remus giggles at Virgil's adorable pout. He thinks, and then just gives Virgil one more quick kiss. "We'll figure it out later- okay? I can absolutely argue with science." he tells him. "More kisses later, okay VeeVee?" he tells him. Roman finishes cleaning up, then goes over to Patton. "That looks amazing, Pat." he tells him with a smile, kissing his forehead gently.

PATTON

Virgil smiled when he did get one more kiss, even if it was quick. "Well, yeah, when it's coming from like... Logan, but doesn't it just make so much more sense coming from me?" he asked with a smile. He let out a small, dramatic sigh. "Fine... but what do you all actually expect me to do all day? Because I'm apparently not allowed to do anything so what am I suppose to do? Lay in bed alone with my thoughts? Because with the brain I've got that is waaaaaay more dangerous than any potentially asthma inducing actives like cooking or kissing my boyfriend." he pointed out as he raised his eyebrows again. "And you can't argue with that logic, you're familiar with my brain, you know I'm right, you're all gonna have to let me entertain myself somehow, I can't just lay here like I potato all day." he said. "If the anxiety doesn't do me in, the boredom definitely will." he finished. Patton smiled more when Roman complimented what he'd made and kissed his forehead. "Thank you. I'll let it cool for a bit, which I think we have more than enough time for since everyone's basically still asleep." he said with a smile.

ROMAN

Remus' eyebrows furrow, and he looks over at Virgil. "Well- I'll just have to keep yo entertained then, won't I?" he asks him with a little smile. Yeah- leaving Virgil alone with his thoughts was a no-go. "We can talk, and I can hold you and try and distract you and you can tell em more about your family maybe?" Remus asks him with a little smile. Roman nods, going around and grabbing plates and cutlery from the cabinets.

PATTON

Virgil smiled a bit as he listened to his boyfriend speak. He supposed a day where he wasn't allowed to do anything wouldn't be so bad if he got to spend it cuddling with his boyfriend and talking to him. Actually, that sort of sounded like the best day ever. "That actually sounds amazing." he said as his smile grew, loving the idea of just having a lazy day with Remus before they had to get ready and leave for his parents house. Patton cut a piece for himself, and Roman, and then two more for Remus and Virgil. Janus and Logan hadn't woken up yet, so he could always cut pieces for them later. He put them on the plates Roman had gotten out, grabbing some milk from the fridge and pouring two glasses for Virgil and Remus so he could bring them the food and drinks in bed so that Virgil wouldn't have to go anywhere. "Wanna help me bring these to Virgil and Remus?" he asked, knowing he wouldn't be able to carry it all himself.

ROMAN

Remus grins, smiling at Virgil. "Perfect! But if I say anything that's boring or too gross just lemme know, m'kay Scare Bear?" he asks with a little smile, leaning to kiss Virgil's forehead quickly. "So how far away is your parents house? And just so you know, I insist on carrying you there and back." Remus tells him with a smile. Roman looks over at Patton, nodding and taking the slices of cake, letting Patton carry the milk. He walks to he door, slowly pushing it open. "Hey- breakfast." he says to Remus and Virgil.

PATTON

"When have you ever said anything boring in your whole life? I don't even think you could say something boring if you were actively trying to be boring." Virgil laughed. "It's literally right by the asshole's house where we went to save Patton." he said before laughing again. "Fine, you can carry me there... but how are you carrying me? Are you switching it up and carrying me different ways there and back, like what should I expect?" he asked with a playful smirk. He turned to look back at the door when he saw Roman and Patton come in with breakfast. "Thanks, man." he said as he took the stuff from Roman, Patton holding out what he was carrying to Remus. "What'd you end up making, Pat?" he asked curiously. 

"Blueberry Breakfast Cake." Patton said, more shy than he had been in the kitchen with Roman, nervous incase Virgil didn't like it. "That sounds amazing, Pat... thank you." he said with a smile, causing Patton to smile more as well. "Okay, we'll leave you guys to eat now, but let us know if you need anything, okay?" Patton asked, Virgil nodding. "Of course." he said as he stuck his fork in the cake and took a bite of his food. "Wow, this is really good, Patton." he said, not even bothering to wait until his mouth was no longer fully because he wanted to make sure Patton heard the compliment before he left the room. "Really? Thank you! I'm glad you like it!" he said happily, bouncing a bit.

ROMAN

Remus smiles when Virgil says that he's not boring, and he holds him closer to himself. "Oh- so it's not too far away." he says to Virgil. "I'll give you a piggy back ride on the way there, and on the way back I can carry you bridal style." he tells him. When Roman and Patton come into the room, he looks over. No fire... and the food actually looked really good! Roman gave the stuff eh was holding to the two, and Remus took it from Roman, and then from Patton as well. He takes a bit, smiling a bit at the taste. "Thanks Pat- this is really good!" he says with a smile.

PATTON

"Nah, I couldn't move that far away from my parents." he admitted. "Nice." he said with a laugh before sitting himself up a bit more so he could focus on the food. Patton smiled, his face going a bit pink at Remus and Virgil complimenting his food before he took Roman's hand. "Well, we're right out here if you need anything." he reminded before shutting the door behind him and grabbing the plate he'd put together for Roman, holding it out to him. "Wanna try it?" Patton offered with a smile, hoping Roman would like it. "You know, I was gonna warn you that you might have fireman carry me out of here because Patton was cooking and therefore there was a large chance of a kitchen fire, and while Logan didn't specifically mention this, I can't imagine smoke is good for asthma, but this is actually amazing, I feel bad for assuming he was going to burn my house down now." Virgil said with another laugh as he took another bite of his food.

ROMAN

Remus hugs Virgil with one arm, eating his food with the other, taking slow bites of it and smiling softly at his boyfriend. “Yeah- especially if Roman is as there two? That doubles the chances of a house fire. But I’m glad that Patton made- it’s really good, and i really like your house, I wouldn’t want your house to burn down.” He says. Roman nods. “Of course darling- I’d love to try it.” Hw says with a smile, picking up a fork, and then taking a bite of the cake. “Patton-oh my god this is amazing...!” Hw mumbled through a mouthful of the cake, humming happily.

PATTON

"Sometimes I forget how smart Patton can be... I guess cause he's not smart in the same way Logan is, he's like... clever? He comes up with unique ways of doing things that I'd certainly never think to try." Virgil said before taking another bite of his food. "Plus, I love blueberries so I certainly have no complaints with his food choice." he said with a smile. "I really like my house too, I'm actually gonna be really bummed when you all go back home, it's been really nice having you here." he said with a small smile. Patton smiled at Roman's reaction, really happy to see that he liked it. "Thank you! I'm really glad you like it." Patton said with a huge smile.

ROMAN

Remus nods, continuing to eat. "Yeah- he definitely is. I'm just extremely stupid- but that's okay, because at least I'm hot, right?" he asks with a little smile. "Yeah me too- but you'll still see me like literally every day, no getting rid of me that easy!" he says with a smile. Roman smiles, leaning to give Patton a quick kiss. "Of course! There's nothing not to like." he says with a smile.

PATTON

Virgil didn't even look up from his plate when he shoved Remus, gently but hard enough to knock him over. "Shut up, you are too smart... don't talk bad about yourself." he said with a mouth full of food. He looked back up at Remus and smiled a bit at what he said next. "Good. Although we should come hang out here every now and then... especially when it's just us and we'll have the whole place to ourselves." he said with a smile. Patton smiled when Roman kissed him, picking up his own plate as he noticed Logan starting to move around on his chair. He wondered if he was waking up. "I'm so glad everyone likes it, I really wanted to help out and make breakfast."

ROMAN

Remus pouts a bit when Virgil shoves him, but he smiles, leaning to gently kiss his nose, grinning at what Virgil said next. "Definitely- a repeat performance of yesterday is a must." he tells him with a smile, leaning his head onto Virgil's shoulder. "I'm excited to meet your parents tonight." Remus says to Virgil. Roman nods. "If you make things like this for breakfast, you should cook more often Patty-Cake." he says with a little smile, giggling softly. Janus was starting to wake up a bit as well, shifting on his chair.

PATTON

Virgil smiled when Remus kissed his nose, setting the now empty plate on his nightstand before grabbing the glass Patton had brought him and taking a few sips. "Speaking of which... probably a totally unnecessary question but like... yesterday was good, right? Like, I mean, I don't expect it to have been good since I'm like totally new to it and have absolutely no idea what I'm doing but like... it was at least okay, right? I wasn't like... horrible, or anything, was I?" Virgil asked, fiddling with the glass awkwardly in his hands. He'd understand if Remus told him he wasn't that good, he didn't expect to be any good his first time but he hoped he was at least good enough that Remus had gotten some pleasure out of the experience. He smiled a bit at what Remus said next, nodding. "Me too." Patton blushed a bit before taking a bite of his own food. "I don't know if this counts as cooking or if I'm still just technically baking, but I'm glad I figured out a way to make things I'm good at that work for more meals than just dessert." Patton said with a small laugh.

ROMAN

Remus sets down his own empty plate, nodding. "Of course it was good! Amazing- even. It wasn't horrible, you did really well. It was really hot! Don't worry- it was really enjoyable for me- it was good for you, right?" he asks Virgil, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend tightly, holding him close. Roman shrugs, taking another bite. "I think this is both?" he says with a little smile. Janus sits up in his chair, blinking and yawning sleepily. "Somethin' smells good..." he mumbles, looking around a bit.

PATTON

Virgil's shoulder's relaxed a bit when Remus stated that it was good, smiling when he continued. His face got a bit red when the word 'hot' was thrown around, before nodding at the question. "Yeah, it was amazing for me." he said with a smile. There had been a moment he'd panicked a little when he was worried about hurting Remus when they'd first started, but once he was sure that wasn't the case, he was fine, he just still couldn't get over the fact that someone as amazing as Remus would even want to be with him. He smiled a bit more when he felt Remus' arms around him, resting his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. "I'm glad it was good for you." he said after a moment, that had really been his main concern during and even after, wanting to make sure it was all as good for Remus as it had been for him. Patton smiled. "I mean, people have breakfast for dinner so why not have dessert for breakfast?" he asked as Logan finally opened his eyes at the sound of Janus' voice, giving a small yawn.

ROMAN

Remus nods, smiling and dropping a quick kiss to Virgil's lips. Quick kisses had to be allowed- right? Definitely. Remus couldn't deprive Virgil of kisses entirely, especially not if he was trying to keep him in one place. "So what time do we have to leave later?" he asks, trying to think about how long he'd have to keep Virgil in one place. Roman smiles at him softly. "Yeah, definitely! It was really a great idea." he says, and he finishes up his slice, going to put his plate in the sink. Janus sits up, rubbing his eyes, then looking over at Patton and Roman. "You two make breakfast?" he asks. Roman shakes his head. "Nope- Patton did!" he says with a smile.

PATTON

Virgil smiled into the kiss. When Remus pulled away, he bit his lip in thought. "I think if we leave around five or so, we should get there on time." he said. "I think Janus said he grabbed some clothes for you yesterday, so I can help you pick what you wanna wear, we'll have a fashion show." he said with a laugh. Patton took a few more bites of his food before looking up at Janus, blushing a bit when Roman pointed out that he'd made it. "Do you want some?" Patton offered as Logan sleepily felt around for his glasses.

ROMAN

Remus nods. It was what- 9? 10? Six or seven hours.... he could keep Virgil in bed that long, right? Maybe? He smiles a bit at the prospect of a fashion show, laughing softly. "Yeah of course! I'm sure we can find something that'll look good! Although Janny and I don't exactly have the same style." he says with a little laugh. Janus nods, more awake now. "Yeah- I'd love a slice, thank you." he says with a little smile. Roman cuts a slice for him, and one for Logan as well, before bringing it over to where Janus was, giving one to him, and just setting it down next to Logan. "Thought you might want one." he says to the teen. Janus takes a bite, melting a bit at the taste. "Patton- holy fuck this is amazing."

PATTON

Virgil shrugged. "You look good in everything but if you wanna try to come up with a look that's more... you, you can steal some stuff from my closet too... you're a bit taller than me, but I also have a love of oversized clothing so it actually might work out perfectly when it comes to clothing length... but at least then you can mix and match between my stuff and Janus' and come up with something that's very 'you' to wear." he suggested with a smile. Patton finished his food before setting the plate in the sink, blushing a bit at the compliment. "Really? Thank you!" he said with a smile. Logan finally managed to slide his glasses on his face, giving a light hum in response to Roman before resting his head back down and closing his eyes again, not seeming to notice the food just yet.

ROMAN

Remus nods a bit, moving to kiss Virgil’s cheek. "Thanks stormcloud- I shall gladly steal your clothes- it'll smell like you, so that's a definite plus." he says with a smile. Roman looks over at Logan. "Lo-? You should eat some food, don't worry, it's not poison or anything." he says with a smile. Janus nods, looking over at Logan, while eating his cake. "Yeah- it's amazing Lo- you should try some." he tells him.

PATTON

Virgil smiled a bit when Remus kissed his cheek, blushing lightly at the nickname. "You're welcome to steal anything from my closet at any time." he said with a smile. Logan opened his eyes when he heard multiple people talking to him, letting out another yawn. "Okay." he mumbled tiredly, barely sitting up to try a bite. It was good, really good... but he was too tired to really give it as much attention as he would've if he was more awake. Patton smiled a bit, it was always really sweet in the morning when Logan was too tired to try to keep his usual professional behavior up and he just... was. After about three or four bites, Logan put his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes again.

ROMAN

Remus grins. "VeeVee- I fully intend to take you up on that offer." he says with a smile, grinning softly. "Do you want me to go get the bag that Janus brought so we can start our little fashion show?" he asks him. Janus absolutely adored tired Logan. He can't help but smile as he watched him just exist. He wished that he saw more of that Logan, just being a kid, and not being rigid and constantly checking himself. Roman enjoyed this side of Logan as well- his cousin always seemed to be the most relaxed in the mornings.

PATTON

"As payment, I'll just steal stuff from your closet." he smirked before laughing. "Yeah, let's do it." he said with a smile. "Are you still working on that or should I move it?" Patton asked, not sure if Logan wanted him to set it aside for later to finish when he was more awake or if he should leave the food there so he could still return to it when he wanted to. "I don't know... I'm tired..." Logan mumbled, pulling the blanket over his head. Patton figured it was understandable that Logan was even more groggy and tired than usual this morning, they had sort of kept him up between Patton's nightmare and Virgil's asthma attack. Patton just decided to set it aside on the coffee table so it was close enough that Logan could grab it but far enough away that he wouldn't risk knocking it over if he fell back asleep.

ROMAN

Remus grins. "Of course- feel free to take anything from my closet." he says with a little smile. "Okay- I'll go grab the bag." he says, kissing Virgil's cheek quickly, before getting out of bed, and then walking into the living room. "Hey Jan- where's the bag of clothes that you brought?" Remus asks him as he walks into the living room. Janus looks up from his food and over at Remus. "Right here." he says, pointing to a bag near the chair. "Take what you want, but please don't rip or stain anything." he tells him. Remus nods, grabbing the bag. "Thanks-! And don't worry, I won't rip or stain, I'll rip and stain!" he says with a laugh, bringing the bag back to Virgil's room, leaving Janus to roll his eyes and sigh. Janus looks over at Roman and Patton, speaking quietly. "I have an idea for something for Logan's birthday- later if we can find something to keep him busy I can tell you." he says, not knowing if Logan was awake enough to listen to them.

PATTON

"I plan on it." Virgil said with a smile before watching as Remus left the room. Once he was gone, Virgil climbed out of bed and walked over to his closet, pulling out anything he thought would fit Remus and that Remus would like the style of and setting those items on the bed for him to get a better look at so he had options. Patton looked back at Janus, nodding at what he said. Logan definitely was not awake enough to listen to them, but Patton wasn't sure if he was or not either, so he understood why Janus figured they'd talk about it later.

ROMAN

Remus comes back into the room, frowning a bit when he saw Virgil walking around. "Vee- back in bed, now. I know you wanna walk around and stuff but you gotta stay in bed." he tells his boyfriend. "Or at least you need to sit down or something." he says as he sets down the bag that Janus had brought down on the bed as well. Janus stretches a bit, and then he stands up, going to put his empty plate into the sink. He goes to sit down again, once more idly fiddling with the deck of cards in his hand. Roman is happy to just sit next to Patton, holding him with one arm and pressing kisses to his cheek every so often.

PATTON

Virgil sighed when Remus stated that he had to go back to bed. "Rems, I'm fine, I'm just holding clothes, they're light they don't even weigh anything." he said, playfully waving the shirt he was holding at his boyfriend. He understood that his boyfriend was worried, he'd be worried too if the tables were turned and it was Remus, but he could handle grabbing some clothes from the closet. Still, he sighed and sat back down on the bed begrudgingly. "This is what I thought was most likely to be closest to your style..." he said as he looked over the things he'd picked. "Wanna see what Janus brought?" he asked, curiously looking at the bag. Logan fell back asleep completely, Patton looking at him for a moment as he cuddled up to his boyfriend before looking back at Janus. "I'm really good at getting stains out and fixing rips if he's actually serious." Patton said with a small shrug.

ROMAN

Remus nods a bit, but he's more relaxed after Virgil sits back down, moving to give him a quick kiss. "Thanks VeeVee- this stuff looks good!" he says to him with a smile, before nodding, opening up the bag that Janus had brought. It was a lot of blacks and yellows, the heavy fabrics that Janus liked, hats, and was that- "A cape?" Remus asks, laughing. "And I thought Roman was extra!" he says, laughing. But Remus did manage to find some stuff that he liked, and that he thought would fit him- and he chose a shirt that Virgil had offered as well. "You are?" Roman asks Patton, looking down at him. Janus shrugs. "Yeah- he probably won't but with Remus who knows."

PATTON

Virgil smiled when Remus gave him a kiss, looking at all their options. He laughed a bit when Remus actually pulled out a cape. "Wow, we can only hope to someday be that extra." he said with a small laugh. He did really like the outfit Remus ended up putting together, glad they managed to find something that still felt like Remus despite the fact that they hadn't actually managed to grab any of Remus' clothes. Patton nodded a bit at the question. "Yeah, I know how to sew. I'm not great at it or anything, but skilled enough to fix rips." he said, leaving it at that because he couldn't remember why he'd gotten so good at getting stains out of clothes, or why he'd bothered to learn how to sew up damaged clothing because something told him it was more than just boredom... but he wasn't able to put that together and didn't want to try to hard to figure it out after how upset he'd gotten last night. "Plus the way Virgil talks about his family and their relationship with food I bet there'll be a ton of opportunities for potential food spills and stains anyway... I bet his mom makes the best food out of any of us." Patton said.

ROMAN

Remus quickly changed into the clothes, tossing the clothes that he had been wearing before over to Virgil's desk, where they landed in a heap. He strikes a pose, grinning at Virgil. "How do I look, Vee?" he asks. Roman nods, frowning a bit, but quickly hiding it. He could guess at why Patton had learned how to mend clothes- but he didn't want to have to think about it. Janus nods. "Yeah- we'll have to ask the two of them to bring something back, won't we? But after Virgil's moms cooking, who knows? We may never eat normal food again!" he says with a soft chuckle.

PATTON

Virgil's smile grew as he watched Remus change, the outfit looked great on him, not that it was any surprise. "You look amazing, star." he said happily, reaching to grab Remus' hand and pull him closer so he could kiss him. Patton smiled at Janus' idea to ask them to bring something back, laughing a bit when Janus said they might have to worry about the food being so good that they never eat normal food again. "Probably. I'm sure she makes a ton of food since there's so many people in their family. I bet it's fun to grow up with a big family like that, any special occasion probably ends up being a huge party." Patton said with a smile on his face.

ROMAN

Remus smiles softly at Virgil, giggling softly as he was pulled in for a kiss, happily kissing Virgil back. He was blushing a bit- there were very few things in this world that could make Remus blush, and that nickname was one of them. "Thanks VeeVee." he says with a smile. "What're you going to wear?" he asks him. Roman laughs as well at what Janus says, nodding a bit. "Yeah, that must have been a lot of fun." he agrees. "Growing up in the castle, everything was a big party- but it's kind of weird being 5 years old and for your birthday you meet the grand duke of some country whose name you can't even pronounce." he says with a little smile.

PATTON

Virgil was always surprised when he succeeded in making Remus blush, but it was one of his favorite things to see. He looked down at the clothes he'd picked out for Remus that hadn't been chosen, pursing his lips as he tried to decide on something. "Maybe... this?" he said, grabbing one of the shirts and a pair of pants that he tended to pair together. "And this, of course." he said as he gestured to his hoodie, pulling the hood up. It might have been more casual but Virgil had gotten good over the years at styling his hoodie with various outfits so that it looked better and he could get away with wearing it to anything... that way he really only had to take it off when he was doing his Knight training. Patton tilted his head slightly as Roman spoke, trying to picture a cute little five year old Roman in his head, which made him smile. Logan seemed to be starting to wake up again, pulling the blanket off his head where he'd completely burrowed under the sheet.

ROMAN

Remus looks at what Virgil had picked out, nodding a bit and smiling at his boyfriend. "You'll look amazing- well, you always do- but you'll look especially amazing tonight." he tells him. He clears the clothes off of the bed, putting the stuff Virgil had chosen over the back of the chair, putting the things Janus had brought back into the bag, and the things Virgil had picked that he hadn't, he put back into Virgil's closet, before going back to the bed, and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend again. Roman looks over at Patton, and he could generally guess where his train of thought was going. "When we get back, do you want me to see if I can find some of my baby pictures?" he asks Patton with a little smile. Janus looks over at Logan, seeing him start to wake up. "'Morning Logan." he tells him.

PATTON

Virgil smiled a bit more at the compliment, sighing as he watched Remus clean up... wanting to get up and help but knowing how his boyfriend would react if he did. He felt his smile return, however when Remus returned to the bed and wrapped his arms around him. "So... I had an idea... for Logan's birthday, I mean. I was thinking, you know how we played that game where each of us came up with a round? Maybe we could steal that whole... structure and each of us could come up with something fun that we think Logan might enjoy to do on the day we celebrate that we can all do together? That way each of us can come up with some sort of fun little surprise but it's a bit more... individual since it's hard for us to all plan one big thing together what with at least one of us needing to keep Logan distracted while we plan... if I hadn't been such an anxious mess at the time, it would've been perfect to plan it while Logan was at school but... this idea could work too." he suggested. Patton smiled at Roman's question, nodding quickly. "Yeah!" he said, excited at the idea of seeing Roman when he was little. Logan looked up sleepily when he heard his name, his head lifting slightly off the pillow. "Morning..." he mumbled tiredly.

ROMAN

Remus nods as Virgil talks about it. "That's a good idea Vee- yeah, we just need to find a time to tell the others." he says to him, moving so that his hand is gently petting through his hair again, kissing his forehead gently. "Janus probably was thinking about stuff too." he says to him. Roman nods, smiling softly at Patton. "No guarantee I won't accidentally show you a picture of Remus though- we were like... entirely identical as children." he tells him with a little smile. Janus smiles at Logan. "Feeling more awake now?"

PATTON

Virgil nodded. "Maybe you could mention it while I return Logan's inhaler. I don't need to bring it tonight, my nephew has one for his asthma so I can borrow that if anything happens, and I don't want to risk bringing Logan's and be totally fine and then leave Logan here without one when he could God forbid end up needing it, you know?" Virgil said, relaxing at the feeling of Remus' hand in his hair. "Oh yeah, I'm sure Janus has all kinds of ideas, those two are getting really close so I'm sure Janus wants to make sure his belated birthday celebration is perfect." Patton let out a small laugh. "That's so cute... I wish we'd met sooner, I'm curious to know if I would've been able to tell you guys apart." he said. Logan gave a small nod. "I guess so." he said, reaching a hand up to rub his eyes, clearly still a bit tired.

ROMAN

Remus nods. "Yeah, sounds good, Vee." he tells him, holding onto him tightly. "We can let him know in a bit, it's cuddle time right now." he tells him matter of factly, holding onto him tighter, nuzzling his face into his neck. Roman nods. "Me too darling- although you probably would have been able to- Virgil was the only one who could really tell us apart." he says to him. Janus nods, giving Logan a small smile. "Still hungry?"

PATTON

Virgil laughed a bit when Remus stated that it was cuddle time, feeling Remus hold him tighter. "Oh, good, my favorite time of day." he said with a bit of a laugh, reaching his hand up to play with his boyfriend's hair when he felt him nuzzle into his neck. Patton smiled a bit as he tried to picture what it would've been like if the group of them had known each other as kids. It would've been so nice, plus maybe if it had been all of them working together from the time Logan was a baby to make sure he constantly had fun and felt heard when it came to what he liked, he wouldn't feel like he had to hide all that now. Logan gave another sleepy nod at the question, reaching for the plate Patton had set aside for him.

ROMAN

"It's my favorite time too." Remus tells Virgil with a smile, gently leaning into the hand in his hair, his eyes closing softly. He adored it when Virgil played with his hair. He hums happily, moving to press a kiss to Virgil's cheek. Roman holds Patton closer, smiling softly at him, happy to just be near him. He still hadn't completely gotten over the scare of Patton being taken away from him- and he hated having to be separated from him. Janus watches Logan start to eat. "Do you want me to get you some crofters for that?" he asks him.

PATTON

Virgil smiled more, watching as his boyfriend relaxed, his eyes closing. It was so sweet to see his boyfriend like this, and to know that he was partially the cause of it. He continued to mess with his hair, smiling when Remus kissed his cheek. Tonight couldn't come fast enough, he was really looking forward to Remus meeting his family. Patton smiled when he felt Roman pull him closer, resting his head on Roman's good arm. Logan gave another nod to the question, yawning. Blueberry Breakfast Cake with Blueberry Crofters did sound pretty amazing, no matter how sleepy he was. "Yes, please."

ROMAN

Remus smiles at Virgil softly, and god, he's hit with the fact that he just loves this boy so so much. He's happy to lay there with Virgil's hand in his hair, and he could sit here for ages with his boyfriend, not thinking about anything else. Roman presses a kiss to he top of Patton's head softly, smiling at him. Janus nods, getting up to go get Logan the Crofters, finding it and bringing it and a spoon over to the chair where Logan is sitting. "Here, Lo." he says, handing it to him.

PATTON 

Virgil hadn't exactly wanted to just lay around in bed all day, but with Remus here, suddenly there was no where else in the world he'd rather be, he could've spent the whole rest of his life just cuddled up to his boyfriend, playing with his hair. He was really going to need to plan something special for him when he told him he loved him, Remus deserved something big and romantic. Patton watched as Logan took the Crofters from Janus, mumbling a sleepy thank you before putting far too much on his plate, causing Patton to laugh.

ROMAN

Remus smiles at Virgil a bit, having adjusted his outfit a million times already. He really wanted Virgil's family to like him. "Ready to go, Scare Bear?" he asks him with a grin, trying to exude his usual confidence. He was really excited to meet Virgil's parents- he hadn't really had a normal childhood, having grown up in a palace and all, and he was now worrying that what if they all hated him- he takes a deep breath, reminding himself that this was Virgil's family, and that everything would be fine.

PATTON

Virgil had finished putting on make up to hide his black eye, relieved to find that his ankle actually felt a lot better which would make spending the night without his crutches a lot easier. These injuries would be a lot easier to hide than he thought... though he'd refuse to admit that the fact that everyone had forced him to rest all day might have been the cause of that. "Ready when you are." he said with a smile, messing with his hair one last time in the mirror before turning to face his boyfriend. He was so excited for Remus to meet his family, it seemed like the sort of thing he'd be anxious about, but he wasn't, he knew they were going to love him. 

ROMAN

Remus smiles at Virgil, walking forwards to quickly drop a kiss to Virgil's lips, gently taking his hand. "I'm always ready." he says with a grin, before quickly scooping Virgil up into his arms- he was going to make good on his promise to carry him. He smiles, before walking out of Virgil's room with him, starting to head out of the front door. He was really glad that Virgil didn't seem to be anxious- and he noticed he looked to be feeling better.

PATTON

Virgil smiled into the kiss before laughing a bit when he felt Remus pick him up, he had said he was going to do that. Once they arrived and Remus had put him down, he gave Remus another quick kiss before smiling at him. "Don't be anxious, that's my thing." he said with a playful wink before smiling a bit, opening the door without knocking like he always did, but he was surprised to see his sister standing right by the front door before he even stepped inside. "Vanessa? What are you doing here?" he asked. It was suppose to just be him and Remus, and his parents and grandparents. Why was Vanessa and (clearly judging by all the noise in the house) her husband and kids here? "Ugh, thank God you're finally here, I have to go help Carrie, we haven't figured out who did it yet but someone stuck gum in Molly's hair and I promised I'd help her get it out so we don't have to cut it, here, make yourself useful." she said as she handed him Vino and hurried off, Virgil overlapping her as they ended up speaking at the same time. 

"Wait, Vincent and Carrie are here with their kids too? Hold on, no, don't hand me the baby, Vanessa, Nessa don't hand me the--!" he sighed and looked down at the one year old he was now holding. "Sup, Vino..." he mumbled before looking back at Remus. "Sorry, I specifically asked my mom not to invite everyone so it'd just be us, maybe they all stopped by earlier today for some reason and just haven't left yet? I'm sure they'll leave soon and..." he was cut off by a large group of children running past them from one room to the next, screaming. Violet, however, noticed Virgil and separated from the group to run over to him. "Uncle Virge, play Knights with me!" she squeaked excitedly, tugging on his pants leg. "Hey Vi, I would love to play Knights with you, but I have to find my mom, I need to ask her something, I don't have time to play right this second, okay?" he said gently as he looked down at her, bouncing Vino lightly. She pouted. 

"Yes you do." she said quietly. "No, I really don't, you know I would if I could." he said back, watching as her face turned red and her eyes filled with tears before-- "GRANDMA!" she screamed so loud it actually rang in Virgil's ears. Okay, he did want to find his mom, but if his mom came in the room because Violet was crying, she'd never listen to him, especially if he was the cause of it. He quickly shifted so he was only holding Vino with one hand, using the other to cover her mouth. "No, grandma! No, no, grandma, how do you play Knights?" he asked with a sigh before her face lit up again and she literally climbed up him like he was a human jungle gym, causing him to stumble since his ankle wasn't exactly strong enough for that yet. "I'm a dragon and I'm going to eat you for attacking me in my cave, evil Knight!" she said as she sat on his shoulders, that seeming to be the moment she noticed Remus. Her eyes went a bit wide, clearly recognizing him due to her Prince and Princess obsession.

ROMAN

Remus sets Virgil down, smiling at the quick kiss that he was given. "Of course Vee." he says with a smile, walking in with him, immediately looking round at all the people and children. Oh, that was a lot- definitely not just the parents and grandparents. This was fine- he could talk to a few more people! A lot more people... He smiles a bit at the baby that was placed in Virgil's arms, waving at the little guy. "It's okay, don't worry Virgil- it's okay that the rest of the family is here." he tells his boyfriend, looking over at the child that ran up to Virgil. Violet, he was assuming? He grins at how chaotic the child seemed- definitely she was similar to how Remus was as a kid- which meant she definitely had to be a handful to take care of. When her eyes widen a bit, he waves at her. "Hey! You're Violet, right?" he asks her. "Virgil told me all about you!" he says with a smile.

PATTON

Virgil was careful to move the baby when Violet climbed him, not wanting her to accidentally kick her baby brother. Violet blinked at him before quite literally jumping off of Virgil and onto Remus, either overly confident that he would catch her or just that confident in her ability to hold onto him and hold herself up. "He's mine." she stated simply. "Technically, he's mine, that's my boyfriend you've jumped on." Virgil said with a smile before looking around hoping to spot another adult. Violet looked at Remus a moment before biting him on the arm. "Violet!" Virgil scolded quickly, but she just smiled at him. "I claimed him, now he's mine." she stated simply as Virgil sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. "Where are all the adults in this house?" he questioned just in time to see his brother walk in. "Varian! What the heck is going on around here?" he asked. "Mom invited us all over to meet your boyfriend." he said. 

"I literally asked mom not to invite you guys yet, I wanted her and dad to meet him first." Varian laughed. "And you thought that was actually gonna happen? Nice joke, little brother." he said before looking at Remus. "This the boyfriend? He's cute... what's he doing with you, did he lose a bet or something?" he asked with a smirk. "Wow, I should come home more often, I forgot how fun it is to be around you." Virgil mumbled sarcastically as he handed Varian the baby. "Take the baby." he said before pulling Violet off of Remus and handing her to his brother as well. "And the biting dragon." he said before taking Remus' hand and leading him to the kitchen. Pretty safe bet he'd find his mom there. "Just because you take him in another room doesn't mean he's not still mine!" Violet shouted after him. Spotting his mom he sighed, about to speak but she cut him off with a hug. "Mom, why is everyone here? I thought I asked that it was just us." he said finally as he pulled away. 

"Well, you know your brother Vincent lost his job a few weeks ago, well, they just lost the house, so the whole family is staying with us until they get back on their feet again." she said. "What? I mean, I knew about the job, but when did they lose their house?" he asked, worried. "They'll be fine, Vincent is gonna work for your father, they'll have money for a new place in no time, but for now, I couldn't have Vincent and his wife and kids meet Remus and not have the rest of the family here to meet him too." she said matter-of-factly. "Okay, but is Vincent--" he was cut off when she actually spotted Remus. "He's so cute!" she said as she gave him a big hug, pulling away but still holding his waist as she looked him over. "But he's so skinny, why aren't you feeding him?" she asked as she looked back at Virgil. "I do feed him, mom." Virgil sighed. "What'd you make him today?" she questioned. 

"Well, nothing, we had some friends over, they did the cooking." he said, not wanting to tell her about the asthma attack, but he scrunched his face when she lightly smacked him upside the head. "I taught you better than that, you have company you cook for them, why did I teach you how to make every single one of my recipes if you're not going to use any of them?" she asked, Virgil holding back a laugh as he rubbed the back of his head. "Okay, ow." he said through laughter, watching as she went back over to the cabinet. "I'll get some tupperware so you can take some leftovers home to your friends, how many are there?" she asked. "Not including Remus and me? Four." she nodded. "Dinner's gonna be a while, you can go introduce Remus to the rest of the family." she said, Virgil looking back at his boyfriend and raising his shoulders slightly. "Sorry, I guess I should've expected this whole night to be... chaotic..."

ROMAN

Remus laughs a bit when the child jumps onto him, smiling at Violet, grinning and laughing at when she jumped onto him, quickly catching her and holding her. "Wait- I was under the impression that I was Virgil's?" he asks, laughing softly. He looks over at Violet, and then he sees that he's been bitten and yeah, definitely that's like him as a child. If this was Virgil's family, then eh never wanted to leave- chaos, exactly how Remus liked it. Adam followed Varian through the house, trailing behind him a bit. "Virgil- he's definitely way out of your league." he teases his brother in law, but he smiles at him a bit. Adam takes Violet from Varian so that he wouldn't be holding both of the children. Remus bursts into another fit of laughter at what Violet says, and he follows Virgil into the kitchen. He smiles a bit when Virgil's mom says that he's cute, quickly hugging her back, resisting the urge to make a joke when she says that Virgil hasn't been feeding him. "Thanks you! and don't worry- Virgil's been making me food, I'm naturally just skinny." he tells her with a little smile. He looks over at Virgil. "Don't worry about it Virgil, it's nice that I get to meet the family now. Harry and Aggie were over on the couch, sniping at each other fondly as per usual, with Tino and Velma over in the dining room, sitting at the table.

PATTON

Virgil rolled his eyes as Adam spoke. "I know you're married, but please don't encourage him." he said. When Remus insisted that Virgil was feeding him, he was just naturally skinny, she smiled at him before looking at Virgil. "You have to feed him more." she said, Virgil holding back a laugh and nodding. Virgil deciding maybe meeting the grandparents first was less overwhelming than meeting all those kids or even his siblings and their spouses, heading over to the couch. "Pop, Gran... this is my boyfriend." he said to Harry and Aggie after making sure to say hello to each of his grandparents and given them hugs. "Nonna, Nonno... uhh... questo è il mio umm..." he wasn't even sure that much was right... what was the world for boyfriend again? Fidanzato? No, he was pretty sure that was fiancee... damn, he really should've taken more time to learn this freaking language so he could better communicate with his grandparents. "Remus, this is Remus." he said finally, knowing they'd know the name and put together what he was trying to say. Veronica and Tori happened to walk by as he spoke, Veronica barely looking up from the shoebox she was holding as she translated what Virgil was trying to say to her great grandparents perfectly. "Thank you." he said as he turned to look at her.

ROMAN

Remus just smiles at Virgil's mother again, following him out of the kitchen to go and meet his grandparents. He smiles a bit at Harry and Aggie, waving at them. "Hi, it's a pleasure to meet the two of you." he says to them. Aggie nods, giving him a little smile. "Of course, same to you. Virgil really picked a handsome one, didn't he? You know, he's liked you for quite some time now-" she starts, only for Harry to speak up. "Ag, come on, you're probably embarrassing the poor boy!" he tells her. Aggie looks over at Virgil. "Virge- I'm not embarrassing you, am I?" she asks him. Harry looks over at Remus, extending a hand, which Remus shakes. "Nice to meet you." he says to him. Remus turns towards the other set of grandparents, and he has to admit, it's a bit funny that Virgil's niece translated for him. Tino and Velma both look excited at the news, smiling at Virgil. "Oh, questo è il ragazzo di cui parli sempre! È così bello vederlo finalmente!" Velma says with a smile. Remus smiles back. "È anche un piacere conoscerti - Ero molto eccitato di incontrare finalmente la famiglia di Virgil oggi." he tells her. Tino looks up at Virgil, obviously pleased that Remus was able to communicate withthe two of them. "Parla italiano! Tieni questo." he says, causing Remus to laugh a bit.

PATTON

Virgil smiled a bit as his grandparents spoke, blushing a bit when his grandmother pointed out that he'd liked Remus for quite some time now, but it was nothing Remus didn't already know, he wasn't embarrassed by it. He did laugh a bit though when his grandfather pointed out that she was probably embarrassing him. "Never, Gran." he said with a smile. "Nonna basically said how nice it is to finally meet Remus since you talk about him all the time. Remus said what a pleasure it is to meet your family, and Nonno said he's a keeper since he speaks Italian." Veronica said as she looked up at Virgil. "Thanks again. What's in the box?" he asked a bit hesitantly knowing his niece. "My doll. She's dead, we're about to have a funeral." Yeah, that was the response Virgil was expecting. How many times was that doll gonna die already? "I'm only accepting eulogies in the form of haikus, if you and Remus are planning on attending." she finished. "I don't know what any of that means, but Ronnie said I could dig the hole!" Tori said, twirling a bit in her sparkly pink dress. 

"I don't think your grandma will appreciate you digging up her backyard, nor will your mom appreciate you getting dirt all over your dress. Why not just have a pretend service?" Virgil suggested. "If you don't want the doll anymore you could just give her to me instead of killing her off all the time." Tori pointed out. "I suppose if a proper funeral is out of the question, I could just bring her back to life like in Frankenstein." Veronica said as she opened the box and pulled the doll out. "Come on, Tori, you can be my Igor." she said before looking at Remus. "I assume you can handle translating from here, it was nice meeting you." Veronica said as she left the room. "Bye!" Tori said with a wave before following after her twin. "Has my family scared you off yet?" Virgil asked with a small laugh before grabbing Remus' arm. "I never got to ask, is your arm okay? How hard did she bite you earlier?" he asked. In the time Remus had been here he'd been bitten, told he was too skinny, found out that Virgil's brother Vincent, his wife Carrie, and their three kids were living here now that they'd lost their home due to Vincent losing his job, had met Virgil's grandparents, two of which didn't even speak English, and had found out his oldest niece not only spoke Italian but had an obsession with all things dark and mysterious. How was he not totally overwhelmed by now?

ROMAN

Remus grins, and he was definitely about to volunteer his services as a mortician- but then he stops when Virgil says that digging up the garden was a bad idea. He smiles at the other two children, seeing them walk away. He looks over at Virgil. "Are you kidding?!" he asks him. "Virgil! Your house is amazing!" he tells him with a smile. "I couldn't be scared away by them, or anything else for that matter." he tells him. "Although I'm a bit bummed that I didn't get to watch a doll funeral." he admits with a smile. Remus definitely couldn't possibly be scared away- he absolutely loved it here. "It's okay- she didn't bit me too hard." he tells him with a smile. Remus adored the chaos after growing up in the quiet palace- he always had to make his own noise. Here? His noise just blended in. "Where's Ollie? The one that was like you?" he asks Virgil.

PATTON

Virgil smiled, happy that Remus seemed to love it here. "Trust me, she finds a new way to kill that doll off every day, it could die again after she revives it tonight, you'll have plenty of opportunities to watch a doll funeral." he said with a laugh. He was relieved to hear his niece hadn't bitten his boyfriend too hard, though when Remus questioned where Ollie was, he bit his lip in thought. "I'm not sure, let's see if we can track him down." he said, letting his grandparents know they'd talk to them more later before taking his boyfriend's hand and leading him through the house. It wasn't very big, only a little larger than Virgil's home. While he walked down the hallway, he stumbled across Violet again, this time with Alex by her side. "Prince Remus! This is Alex, he's going to be the maid of honor at our wedding." she said with a smile. "Hi." Alex said with a wave. "Do you want to wear a dress or a tux?" she asked Alex, who shrugged.

"I don't know, I'll see how I feel when the time comes. Should we get started on the guest list?" he asked. "None of the babies are invited, and only invite people who will object when the main guy asks if anyone doesn't want us to get married so that I can draw my sword and fight them to the death for trying to prevent me from marrying Remus." she stated. "So neither of my siblings are invited? That's fair, I guess." Alex said with a shrug. "Speaking of, where is your brother, Alex?" Virgil asked. "In your old room." he replied. "Thanks, kid." he said, messing up Alex's hair before leading Remus to his old room, and just like Alex said, there was Ollie, hiding under the bed with his feet unknowingly sticking out. "Ollie." Virgil called, snorting back a laugh at the sight. 

"Uncle Vee!" Ollie squeaked, scrambling out from under the bed to tackle Virgil, who instantly picked him up. "What are you doing under the bed, Ollie pop?" he asked. "I live here now." Oliver stated. "Yeah, I heard you guys moved in with Grandma and Grandpa, that's fun, right? But you got the whole house, you don't have to stay under the bed." he told him with a smile. "They're all being loud so I went where it was quiet." Oliver said. "I feel that... you wanna meet my boyfriend? Look, this is Remus." he said, turning a bit so Oliver was facing Remus, Oliver's eyes going wider than Violet's had before he buried his face in Virgil's shoulder as a wave of shyness washed over him upon realizing there was someone else in the room.

ROMAN

Remus follows Virgil trough the house, smiling a bit when he saw Violet again. "Wait- so we're having a wedding and purposely only inviting people who will object?" he asks the child with a little laugh. "You've got a sword? You'll have to show me sometime." Remus tells Violet with a little smile, before following Virgil out of the hallway and into his old room, looking around. He holds in a giggle at seeing the little feet peek out from under the bed. The kid was freaking adorable- and Remus could definitely see his resemblance to a smaller Virgil. "Hey there Ollie- it's nice to meet you." he says with a smile, keeping his voice a bit quieter with the kiddo.

PATTON

Violet nodded. "Yeah, we need conflict otherwise it'll just be a regular wedding and that's just boring." she said with a nod as she looked up at Remus. "I do! I made it out of paper towel rolls and I colored it with markers." she said proudly. Ollie definitely looked like a baby version of Virgil, and he acted basically the same way Virgil had at that age. Obviously, Virgil didn't have a favorite when it came to his nieces and nephews, but he definitely had a special relationship with Ollie because of that... he tried to help Ollie through his shyness and already developing anxiety in the way he wished someone could've understood him as a kid and helped him through it, hopefully it'd result in Ollie growing up to manage his anxiety better than Virgil could manage his own. When Ollie simply peaked out at Remus but didn't actually respond, Virgil bounced him a bit, gasping dramatically when he still didn't get an answer. 

"Don't tell me Zabo stole your voice again! What do I have to do to get it back, where's he hiding?!" Virgil asked, flipping Ollie upside down, which caused him to laugh. "Quick, defeat Zabo by saying hi to Remus!" he said as he flipped him back around. "Hi." Ollie said quietly, Virgil smiling. "Yes! You did it!" he said proudly before reaching his hand up to fix Ollie's hair a bit. "Wanna introduce Remus to Boo?" he asked, Ollie nodding a bit as Virgil set him down and he ran off to go find something. "Zabo is the name of the 'anxiety monster' that makes Ollie anxious." Virgil whispered to Remus while Ollie was distracted, figuring he could use an explanation. Giving their fears names was a big thing between Ollie and Virgil. Ollie came back over to Virgil and Remus, now holding a stuffed cat that looked a lot like the one Virgil had given Patton, though this one was all black. "Boo." he said, holding onto the cat as he looked up at Remus. "That's Boo the cat." Virgil said with a smile.

ROMAN

Remus watches as Virgil interacts with Oliver, and he smiles at the scene. Honestly Virgil interacting with the little kid was so adorable to Remus. He smiles at him and waves again at Ollie, and even though he just met him he's so proud of the kid for saying hi to him. He nods at Virgil's explanation. Remus crouches down to look at the cat when Ollie brought it back. "Boo? I think that's a good name for a cat." he says with a smile. "You know, black cats are my favorite ones." he tells Ollie with a little smile. "Are they your favorites too?"

PATTON

Ollie smiled a bit when Remus stated that black cats were his favorite, nodding at the question as he shyly swayed back and forth. "The goal is to adopt one when you're bigger, right bud?" Virgil asked, Ollie nodding again. "You wanna tell Remus more about Boo? Or maybe tell him more about our family? He's still meeting everybody, what do you think he should know about everyone?" he asked. "Violet put gum in Molly's hair." he said to Remus after a moment. "I knew it was her." Virgil mumbled with a laugh.

ROMAN

Remus laughs a bit at what Ollie said. "Yeah, Violet definitely seemed the type to put gum in someone's hair.." he tells him with a little smile. "Violet's a lot like I was when I was a kid." Remus tells Ollie, sitting down on the floor next to the kid. "Do you like other animals? Or just cats?" Remus asks Ollie, trying to start a conversation with the kid.

PATTON

Ollie tilted his head a bit when Remus said he was a lot like Violet when he was a kid. "Don't put gum in Uncle Vee's hair." he instructed, causing Virgil to laugh as he sat down on the bed, watching Remus interact with Ollie, smiling to himself. "Cats, bats, rats, spiders, octopus." Ollie said, bouncing slightly at every word. "Why do you like the octopus?" Virgil asked to keep him talking. "They can squeeze in small spaces and they have lots of arms for hugs." he said as he looked back at Virgil. "What about spiders?" he asked. "Lots of arms and James and The Giant Peach." he said. "Oh yeah, our favorite book, huh? You like Miss Spider." Virgil said, Ollie nodding a bit.

ROMAN

"I won't put gum in his hair, pinky promise." Remus says to Ollie, laughing softly. "You like octopi? They're my favorite!" Remus says with a smile. "Did you know that octopi have three hearts?" he asks Ollie. "And yeah- lots of hugs are great." he says with a smile. "Spiders are fun too- I know lots of people are scared of them, but they're good because they eat all of the bad bugs." he says.

PATTON

Ollie held out his hand when Remus said pinky promise, ready to link his pinky with Remus'. He nodded a bit. "For more love." he stated in response to Remus saying that an octopus has three hearts. When Remus said that spiders were good because they ate the bad bugs, he took a few steps closer to Remus so he could whisper something in Remus' ear without Virgil hearing him. "Uncle Vee's scared of the bad bugs." he whispered as the door opened. "Uncle Virge, mommy wants you to sit in the living room with all of us cause we're gonna have a dance party and we need a grown up to watch the babies." Tori said as she popped in. Virgil was pretty use to having all the kids dumped on him while his siblings and their spouses hung out in the backyard for a bit, he didn't mind it, he loved his nieces and nephews and was more than happy to give all the parents a well deserved break to themselves. "Okay, be there in a second." he said as Tori ran off. "Ollie, wanna go join the dance party? I need a dance partner since Violet's probably gonna steal mine." he said with a laugh as he looked back at Remus. Ollie shyly nodded before grabbing Virgil's hand.

TO BE CONTINUED

[denbruhh]

real (reddie)

hey guys, this is the first fic i’ve done. it’s set about 4 years after the losers’ club defeats pennywise for the first time, and prom season is coming up.

i’ll do a second part if this one is actually good lol. and yes, i referenced @jonstavk‘s literally hilarious textpost with richie’s version of ben’s january embers poem SORRY

wordcount: 1.7k

It was the word on everyone’s lips, a shadow of something only imagined in movies. It was the feeling you got hearing your mum talk about how she felt in her dress all those years ago, the snickering of boys in corridors talking about yeah, you already know what as the sun set on that ever-so-special evening. It was elusive, it was thrilling, and it made Eddie Kaspbrak’s heart pound a hell of a lot. (Still not quite so much as facing off against that god-damned clown four years ago. But this was definitely up there.)

The Losers were soon graduating, and that could only mean one thing - prom season was coming. For them, this time, instead of every other ambiguous older year group. They’d be the ones donned in suits and ties, making their own memories. It should’ve been exciting, but, frankly, it was somewhat terrifying.

It was like every kid in the grade was fighting to out-do each other. Who could have the most elaborate prom-posal, as everyone seemed to be calling it these days. Greta Bowie even had someone drop on one knee and sing to her, something which seemed to be received well by most of the school community - despite that, Richie and Beverly seemed to mock the scenario at least twice a week, to everyone else’s amusement.

It was coming off from one of those sly references that Stan spoke up, that Thursday morning during lunch break. The group was sitting at their table, the one Richie engraved the name they’d invented for themselves into, in that fateful summer of ‘89 - LOSERS CLUB RULEZ. It had been a fairly regular break until this point, when Eddie’s nerves about the reality of prom were really set off at the point of - “So, are we doing anything after prom?”

“Are we even doing anything for prom?” Ben remarked. “Like, was the plan that we were just going to all go as friends, or...?”

And now, Eddie had to actually think about what he’d been tossing up for the past few months, ever since prom was first mentioned at some wayward assembly at the start of the year. Do I ask Trashmouth if he wants to be my date? What if he thinks I’m only joking if I actually ask him?

“I mean, we c-c-could do that if you want. I’m holding Bird Boy’s hand all night either way, though,” Bill, the unofficial leader of the group, remarked with a smirk. As if to prove his point, he gently put a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder while Stan flipped hurriedly through his organisational planner.

“I only say so because I’ve got to go to the synagogue the following morning with my dad and Bill, so I don’t want to stay up too late the night before if we end up going anywhere,” he stated. Stan looked up from his planner, pen poised to write the first thing his friends suggested.

“Uh... we could go to the quarry? Go for a late night swim and head home?” Beverly suggested. With that iconic grin of hers creeping onto her face, she added, “Anything to get me out of those fucking heels. By that point my feet will literally be dead.”

“Sounds good to me. Whaddaya reckon, Eddie Spaghetti? You’ve been a bit on the quieter side today,” Richie shot him an expectant look from across the table. Eddie could feel a slight blush coming to his face, but he faked a cough and took out his inhaler to make it look like ‘just another asthma thing’.

“Uh, y-yeah. Sounds fine,” he stammered. God, I sound like Bill. This is what you do to me, Tozier!

Stan scribbled into his planner. “It’s a date!”

The bell rung, jolting Eddie slightly. Followed by a collective groan, the Losers started packing up their things, flipping through their timetables to remember what class to dash off to. “Ugh, why doesn’t Mike go to our school, he actually likes history!” Bev complained, scoring a few laughs from the boys as they wandered off to their lessons. 

**

Eddie’s last class for the day was good ol’ maths. He really did try to understand it, but today they were doing linear equations, and, honestly, he’d never understood that shit since, like, fifth grade. Y = mx + bullshit. None of the Losers were in his math class, so he’d usually spend lessons like these daydreaming or doodling in the back of his book, dreading the inevitable stress he’d have while trying to catch up on his work later. That particular worry wasn’t the first thing on his mind today, though. Why can’t I just admit to Richie that I’ve liked him for years? He hooks up with guys AND girls, even if I get rejected, at least I tried and ACTUALLY had a chance! Should I just wait until prom before I confess my feelings? Would that ruin prom for him? Would that ruin prom for me? God, why did everything have to be so fucking difficult when it came to that curly-haired, foul-mouthed angel-in-disguise?

He felt like a fourth grader with their very first crush whenever Richie crossed his mind. Well, if one wanted to be specific, other than Jonathan Knight from New Kids on the Block, Richie technically was his first crush. Ever since Stan had introduced them when the boys were only ten, he’d had those butterflies around Richie Tozier, the butterflies that all the teen shows used to say meant lucky boy, you’re in love! Of course, Eddie couldn’t really label the feeling of warmness, of security, that he got when they were together until a few years after that. Despite the terrible feeling that everyone already knew, that the Bowers gang would never leave him alone if he came out, all he wanted was to be held by Richie. Not in a joking headlock, or an overbearing hug, but a firm embrace that made up for the years of empty words and double takes across judging corridors. Eddie wanted to be held and know that it was worth all the fear; that it was for real.

His pen absent-mindedly danced across some anonymous page in his workbook, drawing rows of circles all clumped together, zig zags, rectangular scribbles. Eddie entertained his ten-year-old self by doodling in the corner of the page: EK + RT. Eddie Tozier? Richie Kaspbrak? Tozier-Kaspbrak? Kaspbrak-Tozier? Jesus, that really does NOT roll off the tongue.

Richie, Richie, Richie. Aw, shit, the ink had bled through. He flipped over to a blank page hurriedly as Mrs. Campbell made her rounds closer to his desk, tearing out the lesson’s scribbles and placing them in his front pocket. The closest waste basket was right by the door that led out of the classroom, opposite to where Eddie was. He’d just tear it up and pop it in there on his way out.

As if some omnipotent force had been listening in on his thoughts, the bell chimed harshly in three quick successions. Kids scrambled to stuff their books and pencil-cases into their scruffy backpacks, barely even having one strap on before dashing out the door. Guess I’m not the only one that hates maths. Eddie was always the last one out the door, making certain that everything was arranged in his bag properly, with any sharp items (like scissors) safely packed away. With a sigh of contentment, he methodically put on his backpack and paced out the door, nodding with a slight smile at Mrs. Campbell as he passed her.

“Eddie Spaghetti, my love!”

Eddie jumped at his crush’s surprise ambus. “Jesus, Richie,” he exhaled, although he couldn’t help but smile at the little pet name, even if he was only kidding. “What are you doing?”

“Walkin’ you home, of course, sunshine,” the bespectacled boy exclaimed, putting an arm around Eddie’s shoulder as they began strolling towards the gates.

“Uh, you never walk me home. You live in, like, the opposite direction.”

“I’ve got some free time, Eds. Plus, I wanted to see how you were doing, yaknow? Catch-up, chit-chat, whatever you wanna call it.” Richie grinned at the shorter boy.

“Okay, but you’re literally going to have to walk all the way back home from my place. That’s at least a thirty-minute walk, and you know how many weirdos there are around here?” Eddie took a quick glance at Richie, who raised his eyebrows in mock concern. He could see Richie’s grin just itching to burst out across his whole face, and God, he wanted to make him smile so badly. So, naturally, he kept rambling. “I mean, what if you get sidetracked? What if it gets dark, or you get lost?”

Richie snickered, taking his arm off Eddie’s shoulder. “Yeah, right, what if there’s poison ivy on the way back and I trip and fall right in the centre of the damn thing? Or...” he stopped walking abruptly. “...a killer clown in the sewers!”

The boys paused for a few seconds before bursting out laughing. Eddie’s heart was pounding with nerves, but he didn’t feel uneasy, or negative at all. It was moments like these, where he didn’t overthink anything, and just went along with the natural flow of conversation between them, that he felt happiest with Richie. And, he thought, maybe even when Richie felt the happiest with him.

But was it real, the way Eddie wanted it to be?

“Eds, have you been writing poetry like Hanscom?” Richie started, leaning over as the boys continued on their walk.

“What? Uh, no?” Eddie responded quizzically. What the hell are you on about now, Tozier?

“Here, let me do a dramatic reading,” he reached for the folded paper poking out of Eddie’s front pocket, snatching it just as the smaller boy’s heart dropped. He felt sick, but froze as Richie started unscrunching the paper he stupidly forgot to tear up and throw out after maths class.

“Richie, come on...”

He cleared his throat, standing tall, shoulders back. He took a quick glance at the crinkled sheet, before declaring in one of his more eloquent ‘voices’: “Your fanny pack is fire December is lit My wang burns there, too.”

“Whaddaya think, Eds? One of my more refined pieces, I reckon.”

Eddie stood, heart in his throat. Okay, so Richie obviously hadn’t really looked at the paper yet. If he could just get it back before he saw all that shit he scribbled about him in maths class...

“Oh, come on, you’re just gonna stand there? I know it was moving and all, but some applause would be appreciated. Help a guy out here!” Richie stated, before glancing down at the paper. His brow furrowed, as he started reading. “Eddie, what...?”

Oh, shit.

thank you for reading omg

taglist: @richiietozierr @january-emb3rs @toshitophchan @httpsalien @ri-chietozier @richiedenbroughs @birdbabestan @goshdarndiddlyheck

[stop-klancing-around]

Defuse

I’m Back. This was supposed to be posted a few hours ago as a birthday fic here, but I fell asleep.  Now that the semester is done, I have all of the time in the world to write fics and draw klance and what not. Thank you @raythenerdyfangirl for being my beta. Enjoy :)

You can also read here on ao3

Keith opens the door to Lance’s apartment with ease. It reminds him to talk to Lance about constantly leaving the main door unlocked. It’s not going to be the first time that Keith talks to him about this. He leaves his bag and shoes by the couch and explores the tiny apartment. Keith hears the water running somewhere and walks towards the sound.

“Lance, where are you?” Keith yells out.

“I’m in the bathroom” Lance yelled back. The water was filling the tub so Lance decides to come out the bathroom and to the bedroom to pick out a bath bomb for tonight. Keith just so happens to walk into the bedroom to see Lance setting both a pile of clothes and a box full of bath products on the bed.

“You really need to stop leaving the main door unlocked Lance.”

“And why is that, Freckles?” Lance walks to Keith and gives him the tightest hug for a minute and loosen his grip but allowed his arms to dangle from Keith's shoulders.

“I really don’t want to walk into your apartment with all of your stuff taken.”

“Don’t worry, the only valuable thing in the place is the laptop and the TV.”

“Lance, I got you that laptop for your birthday. I would be in a piss poor mood if that was taken.” Lance thinks about what Keith said for a minute. “It took too many hours of me in hell for that to get taken.” Lance snorts.

“Okay, I’ll lock my door from now on. I should give you a spare later” Keith sighs.

“Thank you. What is that anyway?” Keith points to the shoebox full of balls and begins to peer over with curiosity.

“These” Lance picked up a red ball “are bath bombs.” Before Keith could ask another question Lance filled him in “You put them in the water and it basically turns the water to that color and it smells nice.”

“Oh, that’s cool. Is that from Lush?”

“Obviously. Why do you ask?”

“I work at Lush in the Balmera Mall, ”Lance's eyebrows hit the ceiling. He turns Keith around to face him.

“Since when do you work at Lush?” Keith begins to open his mouth but Lance continues “Even better, how do you NOT know what is a bath bomb if you work in Lush?”

“I just don’t... I work as a cashier because some of the products actually fucks with my asthma.” Lance starts to really look at Keith and checks over his face to see if that was really him or some imposter.

“Then why work at a place where you KNOW it will make your asthma act up? Do you even use a mask when you’re working? How are you still walking amongst the living?” Lance did a few laps around Keith before he pokes his forehead.

“I need the money for both of our art supplies. Plus, because of you, I actually take three puffs of this every day before I walk into lush hell.” Keith pulls out an inhaler from his pocket and waves it in Lance’s face. “Anywho, which ones do you have?” Lance began to give out a gleaming smile before giving Keith a rundown of what he has, likes and wants to buy or in deep need of.

“So which one should I use?” From the looks of it, Lance popped Keith out of his little reverie because he gives Lance a confused look. Lance waved his hand in Keith’s face and guided his eyes to the shoe box. “Can you pick one for me.” Keith’s eyebrows pinched together before picking up the purple ball that was littered with stars.

“This one.” He puts the star decorated bath bomb in Lance’s hands.

“I figured that you’d pick this one. This one is named Twilight and it acts as a sleep reliever.” Lance began to walk back to the bathroom to see that there was enough water in the tub. Lance turned off the faucet and slowly dropped the Twilight ball into the tub. Keith stood behind Lance and watched the bath bomb disintegrate in a light shade of purple before moving into a darker shade of indigo. Lance would always enjoy the scent of lavender that slowly ebbs out of the ball and filled the bathroom. Lance looked back to see that Keith had left his side and moved into the hallway to sit down. Lance walked towards him and crouched down with concern.

“Are you okay? Is your asthma acting up?” Lance asked him.

“Yeah, I’m okay, and surprisingly it's not acting up. I left so that I wouldn’t test my luck.” For a short second, it felt like there is another underlying reason for his actions. That is tucked and buried within the asthma one. Lance decides to ask him later on about that.

“Oh, then would you like to join me in this bath?” Lance could see one of his eyebrows perk up.

“I just said that I don’t want to test my luck. Plus, your tub isn’t big enough for the both of us.” Well, Keith is right about the tub. It’s tiny and was not made to hold the both of them, but Lance really wanted him to be with him in the tub. Keith genuinely looks both stress and tired from his classes and Lance would love for Keith to at least relax with him.

“We can try to fit?” Lance gave him an unsure, but pleading look. Keith takes it in for a few seconds before giving up.

“Fine, just let me get a few things and take a few puffs of my inhaler and I’ll join you.” He gets up and walks into my room. Lance raised my fist in the air and gave a good shake at it.

Lance begins to strip and ease himself into the light purple colored water. At this point of his life, Lance felt at ease. All of the stress from college, work, and life had begun to float away with the lavender scent that wafted the bathroom. Lance almost dozed off when he heard a knock at the door. The door opens to Keith carrying some clothes and a towel that appears to be Lance’s.

“Are those mine?” Lance questioned.

“Yes, if you have a problem with that because I can return them.” Lance shook his head.

“NO, no, no, NOPE, no problem.” Lance quickly replied to him. Keith places his set of clothes next to Lance’s and begins to strip. Lance turned his head. Lance doesn’t even know why he did but it felt odd to see his naked state. They have been dating for a while and this is still awkward and new to him. Lance felt the water dip and looks up to see Keith in the tub, but at the other side with his hands on top of his knees. Lance also sees that his hair is in a high ponytail and an Alice band holding back his bangs. Lance gave him a look.

“What? I don’t want my hair getting wet.”

“But this is a bath it’s going to get wet regardless.” He shrugs. “Plus, why are you over there come over here.”

‘I dunno. Are you okay with me being that close to you?”

“Keith.”

“Yes, Lance?”

“We have been dating for at least three weeks now. Why wouldn’t I be okay with this? Plus, I invited you to the tub. Unless you are uncomfortable with all this?” Lance began to feel all of the dread pour all over him. ‘Of course, Keith didn’t feel comfortable in here’ Lance thought and it doesn’t help that he pushed him to do something that he didn’t want. It looks like Keith could sense the oncoming fear that Lance was about to drown himself in because he began to speak up.

“No, it's just that this is all so new to me.” Keith gave Lance his hand and gave a small tug on his arm. Keith begins to move slowly towards Lance to close the gap between them. Keith manages to place his back on Lance’s chest with ease. The water was still warm and some of it began to spill out to the floor. There was too much water in the tub for both of them but they fit very comfortably in the small space. The scent of lavender began to take Lance away once again and almost dozed off when Keith finally broke the silence.

“This feels so surreal.”

“What does?”

“This” He makes a small circle with his finger. “It still feels like yesterday when we met in Garrison Valley. One minute we were like and I quote from you ‘sworn enemies in the art of game designing’ to being boyfriends and doing domestic stuff like this.” Keith's finger quotes this and Lance giggles softly.

“We even got paired for the same project and boy we hated each other for awhile. Until our grade was more important than our differences.”

“The hilarious thing about that was that I was in the design program, while you were in the developing and design program. You still managed to do both without breaking a sweat. I had high respect for you because it was something I could never do and you seem to do that so easily.” Lance could feel the heat rising from his cheeks when he said that.

“It actually wasn’t easy to do two programs in the same semester. I hated everything that had to do with the developing program because the university made their own code called potted. There was easily so many things that were wrong with it, but I got the class done and when on with all of the other languages.”

“You had Iverson right.” Keith groans at the mention of the name.

“Never again. I swear that professor was just hard headed.”

“Like you?” Keith glares at Lance. “What, it's true.”

“You’re rude, you know that?” Keith pouts as he turns his head around. Lance smiles at that.

“Yes, I know that.” He shrugs before continuing. “Before you know it, we began crapping out all these ideas of doing this and doing that and created a whole game in the fit of our bickering.” Lance’s hand began to intertwine with Keith’s freckled one. Lance raised them and gave them a small peck.

“Hey, at least our bickering got us somewhere.”

“Yeah but we still bicker, but it now all replaced with domestic bickering like who has left the paint water in the mug and such.” Lance gave out a loud groan. Keith had to bring it up.

“Oh come on it was that one time. Let it goooo”

“No, do you know how paint water taste? It's not a pleasant taste.”

“And I’m terribly sorry that I didn’t know you drink out of that mug.” It was silent again. Lance could feel Keith trying to get comfortable in the tub while the water sloshed around. Lance slouched his body forward so that they are both semi laying in the tub. Lance looked at the time on the clock to see 10:00 PM.

“Keith do you want me to take you home or would you rather stay with me for the night. I really don’t want you walking home alone at this time.”

“You’re acting like I can’t handle being alone at night. I can if you were wondering” Lance groans at that.

“You got ambushed walking home a month ago. If I didn’t come running to get my charger for my laptop from you, you would of been on the five o'clock news either for being murdered or murdering someone or both.”

“Like I said” Keith moves his head to face Lance. “I can handle myself outside. There is no need to worry about me.” Lance gives Keith a skeptical look.

“Okay, then let me remind you of the scar on your right shoulder.” He looks down from Lance to stare at his right arm. The lightning flower expanded from the shoulder to the tips of his fingers. Keith covers the larger parts of the fractal scar by putting most of his arm under the bath water. He had received the scar from a lightning bolt earlier in the year. It also put him out of commission for a month and a half because of it. “You still have phantom pains and your arm twitches from time to time.”

“I am ambidextrous for a reason.” The tone of his voice pleaded to change the subject, as much as Lance want to tell him that ‘I worry about you too’. Lance took the bait and steered the convo to a more lighter path.

“That’s probably the reason why you get lost so easily. Mr. No-Sense-Of-Direction.” Lance could feel the eye rolling from the shorter one.

“It was that ONE time and that’s a stereotype, Lance. ”

“Of many, Keith you got lost in a strip mall. You only had to go straight. I’m still confuzzled to this day as too how you ended up in the park.” He groans and slouches himself until his nose was submerged. They continued to bicker for a while. He speaks up again after a while of silence albeit in a whisper.

“I’ll stay here for the night.”

“Okay. You are more than welcome to sleep in my bed.” With that, Keith began to giggle. Lance give a confused look and he turned his head to look at Lance.

“Don’t you mean our bed?”

“True,” Lance said. It was silent again, but it was a comfortable one. It was the soothing lavender that finally took them away from the domestic setting and into a restful sleep.

[ireneinisolation-blog]

3/23 - Symptoms

Jeez, I really need to start getting to this earlier in the day. Maybe eliminate some looking at social media in the middle of the day.

So I don’t have any symptoms. Not that I can tell anyway. It makes me nervous that I could be someone who gets the virus and doesn’t experience any symptoms. Even though I am socially distancing and sheltering in place at this point, I will touch things like door handles in the hallway of my apartment complex, and I would hate to be a unwitting vector for the virus. On the other hand, I’m also worried (when I allow my brain to wander in this direction which is admittedly not that often) that I could not only get symptoms, but get really severe ones. Who the fuck knows who that’ll happen to?? Yes, we know that old people and people with certain underlying health conditions are more at risk, but it seems that there are plenty of exceptions. But let’s not think about all that. At the moment, I don’t seem to have any symptoms and no reason to think that I would have the virus aside from the fact that a lot of people have it now.

What if I got mild symptoms? Like I did exhibit something, but very mild symptoms that are easy to confuse? More likely, people will confuse all other things with coronavirus at this time. And I’m sure as hell not gonna go try to get tested or anything even if I exhibit symptoms because I know that is a clusterfuck.

Chest pain. I have been getting that recently. Well, not so much pain, but it is indeed discomfort. What do I make of that?? I don’t usually have that. Well in the present circumstance, I guess I would assume that it pertains to my extremely heightened anxiety. Maybe a bit of congestion from my seasonal tree pollen allergies (which have been insane since mid February). Maybe it is a bit of heartburn caused by the anxiety and from the allergy induced asthma. Who the fuck knows. Oh, and what about panic attacks? Maybe I’m just having a constant partial panic attack. Or maybe it is a heart attack. Doubtful, but I do feel extra stressed recently for some reason. Wonder what that could be.

Definitely had a cough. From the allergies. As mentioned.

I guess I do have symptoms. What I should have said is that I have a lot of overlapping symptoms but so far none of them really suggest it being coronavirus.

What’s the other symptoms of coronavirus? there are so fucking few that are also the symptoms of about a million other things, which is tricky.

Shortness of breath. That’s right. Yep, have that too. But that’s another one I’ve had since mid february related to the aforementioned terrible tree pollen allergies.

An interesting new potential symptom seen in otherwise asymptomatic cases that was just recently announced is that people lose their sense of smell and taste. Those are still well in tact, thank goodness. In quarantine, there are few life pleasures to be enjoyed, and eating is still among one of the remaining possibilities. I think I will notice quite clearly when I lose that one. That’s good at least. I’ll notice one symptom.

Alternatively, I could have a terrible case with symptoms impossible to miss. Oh yeah, I had decided not to think about that anymore though.

Weird. Fucking. Times.

Now for the daily updates. I have very few because the diversity of tasks that I completed today was quite limited. I worked from home for a major chunk of the day and got a fair amount of work done. In the evening, I spent more time reading on social media than I should have. Spent some time browsing okcupid (I’ll have to write a whole post for “dating” in quarantine... another time though). I cleaned a bit, but less that I should have....

I did make a delicious dinner. Fried brown rice (not sure if brown rice is normally used for fried rice, but I thought it was delicious) with mushrooms, chimichurri (parsley, olive oil, salt, and garlic) for extra flavor, and of course some scrambled egg, plus a side of lemon garlic asparagus. After dinner I made some gluten free peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, and they are delicious! I am still quite full from my feast, even now at 11:30! Probably not good timing to be so full right before bed.

I failed to go outside today. The governor made a suggestion that we try to go outside less to minimize contact. I followed directions today, but I’m not saying I will always do so. Anyway, it’s fucking tree pollen season and I need to keep my allergies under control.

I need to do some running or walking tomorrow. I fear that by the time we are finally let out of our cages (what is it predicted, a year from now?!) that I will have gone totally insane. At which time I probably wouldn’t be able to enjoy as thoroughly the refreshed freedom. So I gotta stay sane now so I can enjoy going back to my real life later.

[archived-fic-writing-fandom-blog]

I saw you wrote a headcannon about Steve and Bucky carrying a plus-sized girl and stuff. But, do you really think they would look twice at someone overweight? They're fit guys who have to fight and look after themselves, someone fat would not be able to keep up and would probably not appeal to them when they could be with anyone. Let alone love or even have sex with them. Not trying to be rude. I'm genuinely curious what you think.

First of all, you need to know some things about me. I am plus size as well as chronically ill. The other thing about me is that I do lots and lots of research when I answer these questions. I try to base my answers on what I’ve observed in the movies, what I know or find out from the comics, as well as any gaps that are filled in via interviews, tweets, and articles. I write MCU fanfic, but most of my characterizations come from a mix of the comics and the movies. I also google stuff to make sure I am -historically- accurate... or as historically accurate as I can be.

That being said:

Steven Grant Rogers:

Steve Rogers is the son of poor Irish immigrants. He grew up in Brooklyn. He grew up very, very ill. In fact, he spent more of his life sick than not, not counting the time he was in the ice after crashing the plane. SO growing up in that part of town, he had some exposure to plus-size women. Whether they were plus-size by the 20/30/40s standards or our own, big women are not new to him and being who he is, and I have no doubts that Steve saw beauty where ever it was. His mama taught him right, is what I’m saying.

Steve even says in the moves that he hates bullies. Before the forum, he’d constantly been bullied and always ignored. Never taken seriously. Even as Captain America, before he went on actual missions... he felt like a performing monkey. He hated it. That’s not what he signed up for. He didn’t want to be a performing monkey in a fancy suit. He wanted to be a real soldier, helping other real soldiers to fight the enemy.

Steve has like zero experience with women. He didn’t get very far with Peggy, and he didn’t like her because she was thin. He wanted her because she saw past the sick body and saw him for who he was... and Sharon... Don’t even get me fucking started on that disaster of a relationship... I mean, come on. The great-niece of the only woman you ever loved? Come on, Steve. Do better, buddy.

Captain America is sure of himself. Confident. Strong. Seemingly emotionally stable. Steven Grant Rogers? Probably still thinks of himself as that gangly sickly little man who everyone ignores... and is often baffled when pretty women look at him and flirt with him. He is a super-soldier. But he hasn’t been one for very long. Not actively.

Look at it this way: when overweight people lose weight, a switch doesn’t flip in their brain, and they automatically have good self-esteem or a good relationship with their body. Same with someone who is very sick for a long time and finally gets treatment and a cure. These things take their toll on someone’s mind, and Steve is no different. He spent so long being unnoticeable that even tho his body is hard and doesn’t get sick, and probably doesn’t age.. and probably has a bigger dick... it doesn’t mean he SEES that as who he is. 

And another thing. Steve doesn’t work out because he has to. The serum maintains his metabolism and stamina. Steve works out because now he CAN. I keep mentioning him being chronically ill. Because it is VERY important, he was sick for more years than not (again, NOT counting the time he was in the ice)... So now he can -just be and not have to worry about passing out or having an asthma attack or having a heart attack because of his blood pressure... he can run in the winter and not have to worry about catching a cold, of all things... Him working out is his way of celebrating that he CAN do those things now when he couldn’t before... This doesn’t change how he sees himself, though. You can celebrate the better you while still seeing yourself as the not-so-better you and still have self-esteem issues all the same. Those don’t just go away automatically. That’s not how human brains work. 

He’d rather live in Brooklyn, where he grew up than live in The Tower. He’d also rather do his morning runs through the city than work out in the gym that Tony built, so he can watch his city come alive (Both of these are canon and easily searchable on google)... I only mention this because it speaks to the kind of man Steve is. He loves people. And he loves watching people’s lives unfold... It makes him feel attached in a way that he usually can’t because he spent so long on ice that there’s a big disconnect in how he relates to people 

He isn’t going to care if his girl can “keep up.” No one, except Bucky, and maybe comic!Natasha can keep up with him. He doesn’t want another super soldier or spy as a partner. He wants someone he can hang up the mantle of Captain America and just be Steve Rogers, from Brooklyn, with. Period. Someone who will love him for who he is, not his serum, celebrity status, or paycheck. None of that. He would want someone who SEES him for who he is. Not what he can give them. And Steve isn’t fucking shallow, and to assume otherwise is really insulting to the man who grew up almost too disabled to live as long as he did. But somehow, his will to live got him far enough that now he is a super soldier and is Captain America.

Steve is also an artist and sees beauty absolutely everywhere, and yes, even the fat girl he passes on the street who stares at her shoes because she’s afraid to take up space but can’t help it. Steve understands, probably better than most, that bodies come in all shapes and sizes. Growing up, he wished people saw him instead of ignoring him. So fat girls? Are not off his radar. And they ain’t gotta be conventionally or “acceptably” pretty in order for him to notice them. 

James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes:

Ok, so if you think Bucky is shallow just because he’s fit... then you don’t know the man at all.

He grew up with Steve as his best friend (at least in the MCU, anyway)... They were practically brothers, and since Bucky lost his mom at a very early age, guess who helped raise him before she passed? Yup, Mama Rogers. 

Sure, Bucky is often considered a womanizer in the MCU... But people are so afraid to portray good-looking men with fat women because it's often presented as a joke... because fat bodies are not seen as good bodies, so why would a fit man want to be with a person with a fat body?

The thing is tho, a lot of fit men are with women (and men and other genders) who have fat bodies. And not for fetish reasons either. It's because they are decent people who SEE their partner and not just the fat or the lack of fat or whatever else.

You also need to understand something about Bucky. Bucky of the 30/40s might have been a little full of himself, but he wasn’t shallow. If he were, he wouldn’t have been Steve’s friend. He wouldn’t have interacted with him in public. He wouldn’t have admitted to even knowing the scrawny, chronically ill man who insisted on picking fights with men who were much much bigger than him, simply because he saw an injustice that needed tending to. By all rights, Steve was embarrassing. But Bucky is better than that. And loved and accepted Steve for who he is. Period.

So, of course he’d be that way with women. He might not have committed to them, but Bucky loves women. And women come in all shapes and sizes. Why wouldn’t he like fat women, too?

Fast forward to Bucky with the metal arm. You know, the arm he needs, and if he didn’t have, he’d only have ONE ARM WHICH MEANS HE IS DISABLED, NO MATTER HOW ADVANCED THE DAMN ARM IS???????

Bucky isn’t a shallow man. And fit or not, he hates who Hydra made him into. Who cares about the chiseled abs or the ability to run side by side with Steve, or the ability to shoot a target in his peripheral vision accurately. They stole his life. They took everything from him. But what they didn’t take from him was the teaching of one Mama Rogers and the life lessons that come from being best friends with a disabled man. It might have taken him a bit to remember both of those things, but Bucky? Bucky loves women, and that will never change. No matter fat or thin. 

And have you seen Bucky’s thighs? If that man wasn’t built to bone fat chicks against walls, then I don’t know what even the point of those thighs even are... But he’s better than that. With who he is now? He isn’t just a one-night stand kind of guy. He’s in it for the long haul, and he isn’t going to let a little thing like someone’s weight deter him from seeing the beauty in them.

Steve and Bucky’s fit status and raging metabolism aren’t going to suddenly make them into shallow people who will only love or bone women who are of “acceptable” size when both men could literally easily carry an overweight girl over their shoulder like she is a 5lb sack of potatoes. Because of both of their life experiences, as both disabled or friends with someone disabled, and all that stuff that came with their lives... I really don’t see them ignoring a woman just because she’s not fit or just because she’s got a big belly or can’t run a mile in under a particular time.

You would also do well to remember that people can be healthy at any size, and someone’s weight doesn’t determine their health. Just like there are unhealthy fat people, there are also unhealthy thin people... and both can be unhealthy in the exact same way. And both Bucky and Steve are going to know this.

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