#plus i have to deal with all of this shit and school work and I've missed so much school that I'm failing three classes

[bunn-iiii]

kinda wishing I was dead rn

[tinytalkingtina]

Fancy Falling Into You Here

Written for the August @steddiemicrofic prompt, using the word "plug" and 437 words.

437 words | Rating T | Ao3 link

On their first date, Steve and Eddie come to realize they had first met under much more embarrassing circumstances.

Tags: EMT Steve, Coffee shop owner/clumsy Eddie, first date, minor injuries (nothing described in detail), modern AU, embarrassment, BBC's Sherlock haunting all of us when plugging in our phones

Inspired by @dreamwatch for making me think of steddifying this post! Author's notes under the cut

"G-d damn BBC Sherlock," Eddie grumbled as he fumbled plugging his phone into its charging cable for a third time. "Stupid Benedict Cumberbatch and his weird attractive cheekbones." 

A snort from the couch reminded him he actually had company, oops.

Eddie gave his date a grin. "Sorry, I'd love to say that I'm normally as graceful as a swan or something, but as you've seen, unfortunately abject clumsiness is par for the course. It's a miracle my coffee shop's still standing."

It was fine. He could still salvage this and come off as less of a disgruntled sad wet cat man to Smooth Hottie with Glasses and That ButtTM of daily matcha latte with oat milk order fame. Still, Hottie (who went by "Steve", apparently) didn't really seem turned off by Eddie's whole deal. He just laughed.

"Oh, trust me, I've seen much worse. My first year as an EMT, we got a call to a college dorm. This unlucky dude fell off the top bunk and somehow broke both legs and an arm.”

Eddie froze, his quest to charge his phone completely forgotten.

“Plus the guy managed to down the shade on the way too, honestly it was an impressive amount of damage from a 4 foot drop," Steve continued on, oblivious. “One of the funniest calls me and my partner have gotten, and we once had to take care of someone who accidentally fell on a Buzz Lightyear toy and somehow got it stuck up their—you okay man?"

"I panicked and thought the cord would hold my weight." Eddie hid his face in his hands.

"Oh shit. You're 'broke all his bones man'?”

This was a nightmare. "Oh my G-d, I was so woozy. Please tell me I didn’t say anything weird.”

“You asked if I could ‘kiss your booboos better.’ Guess you’ve grown out your hair since?”

"I had to buzz it all off that semester because I had an Incident with some gum," Eddie groaned. "You can go now, I won't hold it against you."

He heard Steve slide closer. "And what makes you think your whole 'Bambi on ice' thing isn't working for me?"

Eddie cracked open an eye. "You sure about that?"

"Pretty sure," he said with a wink. "Plus, if you meet my friend Robin, she's known me since high school. Which means she unfortunately has photos of my braces years. You’re gonna have to stick around long enough to see em."

Eddie stared. Smooth Hottie still wanted him somehow? "Okay Big Boy, looks like I will." 

Steve smiled back. “Good. Now, lean back, I owe you a few kisses.”

Authors notes:

In case you weren't on Tumblr in the early-mid 2010's and remain blissfully unaware of BBC's Sherlock, please watch this clip to understand why Eddie is cursing Benedict Cumberbatch when he fails to plug in his phone fully sober

Eddie, Jeff, and Chrissy run a little coffee shop (complete with monthly open mic/karaoke nights) that EMTs Steve and Robin frequent. Not to worry, Robin will eventually meet her future wife Vickie at the shop after Vickie wins her heart with a rendition of "Before He Cheats."

Originally I had injured Eddie ask Steve about his biblically accurate angel form, but since I decided that Eddie's accident took place around 2010, and the angel meme only took off in 2020, I rewrote the line to be about kissing his booboos. Let's pretend this happens after a separate accident befalls Eddie (he'll be fine): Eddie: Ouch, I was out of it after they gave me the painkillers. I think I called you an angel? Steve: Yeah, you asked if my biblically accurate form had eyes as pretty as my human ones.

[unamused-boss]

California Dreaming pt3

Billy Hargrove x Reader

Last part! Warning: Kinda short, but I still hope you love it!

Summary: Max and Billy could only agree on one thing in common.... and that was you. You were their neighbor when the lived in California and Billy had the biggest crush on you. Plus it helped that you babysat, more like hangout with, Max. You were his California dream. And sometimes dreams come true.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You couldn't stand the time you had away from Billy. Your best friend and boyfriend were gone all in one on the same day. You've been writing to Billy which is a plus. Turns out he joined the basketball team. He's been to every party thrown in town, but he says they're all a bust. Met a guy named Munson that gets him weed, but Billy quotes "It's nothing like the shit in Cali...". You can't help but laugh at his sarcastic tones through the letters.

You know he misses it here. He tells you in every letter the love that he holds for you, that nothing will change. He admitted to going on some dates with girl to get you off his mind. He felt guilty, he wanted your forgiveness even though you told him to try an move on to at least have fun. Billy said ,once again, in his letter that he wants no one else but you. Your eyes were something he missed most of all. He said that you had a light in them that he felt only he saw. You always giggled when it came to the gushy stuff in his letters. Billy was a flirt with girls but he was a romantic with you.

Since graduating high school early you've had a lot of time on your hands. You were still gonna walk at graduation, you just weren't going to do anything else. Cause by god you are getting that dumb piece of paper in front of everyone. It was a couple of days before the week up spring break but for you it was a regular working Wednesday. You currently work at some clothing store in the mall and oh so excitedly deal with mother's trying to get some sort of deal out of you.

The time was 5:00pm you are now pulling into your driveway of your house for the night. Happy that your got off early you notice your parents aren't home yet. You make your way down to the mailbox to check for anything. Which you find a bunch of letters piled onto one another. You begin to sift through it.

"Bill, Bill, Coupon, post card from Aunt Shelly, Bill...y." You stop at, what you thought was another bill but was actually, a letter from Billy. You rush up to your front door to be able to read the letter. Throwing everything onto the kitchen table an make your way to your room. You bounce on your bed at tear open the letter...

Hello Y/N, I hope you are happy with what you're doing. I just read your letter. God I wish I could graduate early to get this shit hole. Anyways, Max is doing good. She still with those little balls of snot for friends. Hopefully you wrote her, so she can stop asking me to check the mail for your letters. I miss you very much. Spring break is about to start, since the public pool opened I got a job there. Hopefully I can get enough money to be able to come an see you and to stay with you. You probably already know me, I'm not really good at this writing shit. But if it's for you, I'll do it. I love you, -Billy

You smiled down at the words on the paper.

"I love you too." You said down to the paper. That feeling came back again. The feeling of wanting to see him. You can't help it, you miss him so much. You go over to your landline in the kitchen to lunch in a number you have memorized by heart now.

"Santa Monica airport, what can I help you with today?" The droned out employee said.

"Hey, I wanna know if you have any direct flights to Hawkins Indiana?"

"Hold on, let me check..." You hear a faint typing for a few seconds.

"Anything?" You question.

"None to Hawkins but we have one to Indianapolis flying out this Friday at 5:00am." They said.

"Perfect!" You shouted. "How much?"

"That will be a hundred an thirty dollars..."

"I've got that!" You race around to your purse to fish out your debit card to pay for the ticket. You give them the info to send the ticket via email for you to print out. It would be thirty more dollar but you didn't care.

"Alright, thank you choosing Santa Monica airlines tod-." You didn't even let them finish. You hung up the phone right away to go pack an call off work for the next week or so. You couldn't stop giggling the whole time. Seeing Billy and Max is going to be the best thing to happen to you in the past few months. Then you hear your front door open and shut. Then you realized something...

"Hey mom, I gotta tell you something!" You shouted running out of your room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were honestly shitting your pants the whole way to Hawkins from Santa Monica. You currently stand outside of Hawkins High School waiting for Billy. You slept during your flight over at 5 am but once you were on the ground you couldn't hold still. Your stuff is at the motel just outside of town for the next week.

You passionately waited for Billy to walk out of the school. You could see his car from a mile away. Plus with is reputation it wasn't hard to find out about him. You turned your wrist to look at your watch, 3:15 it read. the bell rang and school was out for spring break. Students passed by you, giving you weird looks.

"Who is that?" "Does Billy know them?" "Probably a desperate Ex." Were some of the things that were thrown around you. As if you couldn't hear the. 'Geez do these people know how to shut up...'

"Billy. Who's that?" An oddly pitchy voice said breaking you out of your thoughts.

Billy ripped his head around to you. You being the last person he would see by his car. The girl he, once had his arm around, was with was now forgotten. Billy thought he was gonna vomit at the sight of you.

"Shit.." You mutter.

"Holy fuck..." He said.

"Billy who is this?" The girl said once again getting annoyed. Billy turned back to her.

"Why are you still here?" He questioned. The girl now looked perplexed. She thought Billy was gonna take her out but now he wants nothing to do with her. Before she could say anything Billy spoke, "Go the hell away. Ya stupid cow..." He muttered the last part.

Billy walked up to you, star struck. He now had you trapped between him and the car with his hands on your hips. Holding you gently. You were smiling up at him.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I wanted to see you." you said. "Is that so bad?" You teased him. When you both could call one another you would constantly tease him over the phone.

"No!" He answered quickly. "It's actually great, cause I was loosing my damn mind being away from you." You giggled at him. He his lips down to your temple, kissing you gently. To the students around you it was shocking to see Billy Hargrove be gentle with anybody. But to you this was your Billy.

"Y/N!!" A familiar voice shouted out to you. You turned to her direction to see Max running full speed to you. You part from Billy momentarily to hug Max.

"Hey MadMax!" You exclaimed. Even though Billy thought Max was a pain in the ass most of the time; he loved seeing you two together. He was happy that she got to see you.

"How long are you here for?" She questioned.

"I'm here for all of spring break." You smiled. They both looked at you dumb founded. You were gonna be with them for a week.

"Yes!" Billy said excitedly, pulling you into a hug. You laughed as he squeezed you.

"How about we go on a date tonight?" You asked him.

"Hell yeah!" He shouted. Crashing his lips onto yours. Desperation and love pouring into the moment. He missed your lips. How soft they were and smooth. He missed you so much.

"ew..." It was faint but you both knew it was from Max.

"Get in the car shit bird." Billy said.

"Hey be nice." You sternly said, mighty sapping his arm. He huffed at you, looking at you with soft eyes. The eye you fell in love with.

"Let's take Max home and we can go on our , much needed, date."

"You took the words right out of my mouth." Billy smiled.And that's how it went for the next week. You spent your time with Billy and Max, well more so Billy. Billy held you so close not wanting to let you go when you both cuddled. You met Max's friends and some more people around Hawkins with your small time there. You had some sleepovers with Max, trying to make up for lost time. Neil wouldn't do anything while you where here in town, so that meant a safe environment for Max and Billy even though it was for a week. You found the town cute, but you prefer Santa Monica.

Most of all, you and Billy got time alone. To be with each other in each others arms. Going on cute dates, walks, drives, everything. You became the envy of the town. The one that swooped Billy Hargrove off hid feet the spring break of 85'. He wouldn't have it any other way though. He would stay in this shithole town if it meant being with you.

When it came time for you to go home, it was full of tears and heart felt kisses. You didn't want to leave them again but you had to.

"Once I graduate I'll be back, I promise." You said.

When it came time for you to go home, it was full of tears and heart felt kisses. You didn't want to leave them again but you had to. 

"Once I graduate I'll be back, I promise." You said.

That promise was made two months ago. In those two months you also visited Billy three more times over the summer. In your last visit you brought him back home with you. To California. You got him far away from his pain. 

You both have an apartment near the beach, like you both wanted. You stared college; while Billy started work at a car restoration shop. Billy could surf everyday while you laid in the sun. You both loved each other even more with every day that passed.

A California dream come true.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know its a cheesy ending but I hope you like it.

@capitanostella

@maackiimoo

@mystargirl-interlude

[cielcreations]

"Hung Up"

When Solidarity confessed his feelings to Tango, expressing his love and desire and asking the other on a date, Tango immediately said yes. He was so happy and excited, especially since he had been crushing on the other for what felt like years. They went on a couple of dates, smiling, laughing, getting to know one another, having fun.

"So, does this make us boyfriends?" Tango teased.

Solidarity blushed and smiled, going to say something before he paused. He seemed to remember something, then sighed, "Listen, I'm going to be completely upfront with you because I do want to be your boyfriend and stuff, but I have this... ex..."

"Is it a crazy stalker ex?"

"Not really. Just..." The dirty blonde tried to think of a way to word it, "He and I share a big friend group and he has convinced them that I'm apparently still hung up on him and that he was so kind to continue being my friend even though we broke up. Oh, and the reason I haven't dated anyone is cause I'm totally waiting for him to come back!" He groaned, visibly annoyed as sarcasm laced his voice, "Hell, he's convinced my siblings of this when he's the one calling me drunk in the middle of the night!"

"Why haven't you blocked him, if you don't mind me asking?" Tango questioned.

The dirty blonde sighed, "It's cause of the friend group we share. I've always been really awkward, so I just became friends with my siblings friends and then when I began dating Scott, my ex, I became friends with his friends. I don't really have a lot of my own friends and, if I block him, everyone would make it this big deal, like I broke the law or something and I just..." He sighed again, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to vent..."

"No, no, it's fine." The blonde reassured with a smile, gently putting a hand on his shoulder, "I understand. It's probably really annoying and frustrating and I'm guessing you don't have a lot of people to talk to about this."

Solidarity weakly nodded, "...I just don't want to rock the boat. Makes my anxiety shoot through the roof. If I just go with it, no matter how uncomfortable I am, it'll be fine."

Tango hugged him, "But that's not healthy, Soli..."

"I-I know, I know... I just don't know what to do..."

"We'll work on it, okay? First step to fixing a problem is acknowledging there is a problem, so you're on the right track already!"

Solidarity laughed before he hummed, "Anyways, all this to say that if we do start dating and you get these comments about how I'm supposedly not over Scott or how you're 'just a rebound', that's untrue and ignore it. Scott and I broke up in high school."

"Wait, wait, with how you talked about this, this sounds like a recent break up! You guys broke up in high school?"

"Yep. And trust me, I know." He sighed, "It's why I moved here, mainly to put some distance between myself and the friend group and my siblings. I don't want them to choose between Scott and I, but I just don't want to hear how hung up I apparently am or how I need to get back in the dating field or if I ignore Scott or don't do something for him, I'm holding a grudge!" He huffed.

Tango hugged him more, "Well, don't worry, I'm not one to take shit lying down! If they want to poke fun, I poke back but harder!" He giggled, "In the meantime, why don't I introduce you to my friends? It'll be good to meet new people, plus it will help to keep your mind of things!"

Solidarity smiled, "I'd like that."

The two became an official couple, Tango showing Solidarity off to all his friends. Solidarity asked Tango if he was okay with him waiting before he told his friends and siblings, Tango not minding. In the meantime, the dirty blonde fit right in with Skizz, Impulse, Zed, Bdubs, and Etho. With his clumsy, adorable but sweet attitude, it meshed well with the chaotic mess that could be Skizz and Zed in the same room. Solidarity also got along with Etho and Impulse, the three usually acting as the peacemakers when Tango and Bdubs joined in on whatever chaos Zed and Skizz tried to bring. It was overall a great thing and Tango could see his beautiful boyfriend seemed to glow even more. It was like a dark cloud he noticed that was always over Solidarity's head seemed to finally disappear, especially since he's been on his phone or computer less, talking to that friend group less.

One night, the group were all at Impulse's house, sharing a few drinks and laughs, when Solidarity's phone buzzed. He hummed, a bit tipsy as he answered the phone without checking the caller ID.

"Hello-" He paused and his face fell immediately. He looked at Tango, who looked at him, concerned. Solidarity then seemed to get an idea, eyes widening as he smirked, "Okay, wait one second, hold on!" He put the phone on speaker, leaning into Tango, "Can you hear me?"

"Yeaaaah?" A Scottish voice responded in a questioning tone.

"Okay, good." He then looked at the blonde, playing with his hair, "Tango, Light, could you introduce yourself to Scott for me?"

Tango's eyes widened before he smirked, taking the phone, "Hello Mr. Scott, my name is Tango Tek, aka light of Solidarity's life, aka his honey, aka his handsome man, aka his soulmate, aka his rancher, aka his boyfriend, and we are actually currently in the middle of making out so we would appreciate no more interruptions! I know it's been awhile for you, but I need Soli's soft lips on mine, it is quite addicting! To bad you can't experience it! Buh-byyyyyyyye~!" He hung up, everyone laughing as the blonde gave Solidarity his phone back and kissed his cheek.

"Who was that?" Zed asked.

Tango wrapped an arm around his boyfriend, "Crazy ex."

"Crazy stalker ex?" Etho prodded.

"Not stalker level yet." Solidarity reassured, "But definitely crazy ex. From high school."

"Yep, that'll do it." Bdubs joked, "Anyone need another drink? I'm heading to the kitchen."

The night continued and everyone slept over, seeing as they were not going to drink and drive. Tango and Solidarity shared the couch, the dirty blonde acting as Tango's blanket as they cuddled and slept together. So, it made it very obvious when Solidarity got off the couch, causing the blonde to stir as his weighted blanket was no longer there. He sat up, glancing around before hearing something outside. Tango walked outside and saw Solidarity, very clearly frustrated, tears in his eyes with the tension in his body.

"...Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, i didn't tell you guys for this exact reason?!" Solidarity yelled, "...Yeah, you're my brother, and yet you constantly choose Scott over me! Don't-! ...No, you can't even say that, don't you dare say that! I've told you repeatedly that Scott makes me uncomfortable, that I don't like him being around, and you, with everyone else, brushed me off because I 'have to get over him!'" The dirty blonde said in a mocking voice with air quotes.

He was silent, before hissing out, "He called me! The only reason you all now know I'm dating is cause Scott can't get over the fact I moved two hours away from everyone and refuse to give him my address or pick him up when he goes out drinking! I was going to tell you all on my time, but of course, Scott ruined it because he fucking ruins everything! So, yes, I am dating someone! Okay?! Happy?! Bye!" He hung up.

Tango moved and hugged him, Solidarity leaning into him. The blonde rubbed the other's back, feeling Solidarity shake in frustration as his tears stained Tango's shirt. Tango cooed and rubbed circles into his back, kissing his forehead.

"I'm so sick of him..." The dirty blonde murmured.

Tango nodded, "Do you want me to block him for you?"

"No, it-"

"I can be the bad guy. If he complains, tell him and his flying monkeys that I feel uncomfortable with your ex trying to talk with you."

Solidarity hummed, "Later... Just hold me now..."

Tango hugged him tighter, "Gladly."

After everyone had woken up and began eating breakfast, Tango took Solidarity's phone, sending Scott a text and prefaced it by saying it was him and how he didn't feel comfortable with Scott talking to Solidarity when they were together and to please not text or call him anymore before blocking him. When the two got home, Solidarity had gotten a bunch of texts from his brother and sister as well as mutual friends he had with Scott, all saying how they didn't know he was dating someone new, asking why he didn't tell them, and then asking why Tango blocked Scott.

"The more they talk, the more I just want to go no contact." Solidarity admitted, "It's always about Scott. If I don't help him, I'm an asshole holding a grudge over the breakup. If I do help, I'm still hung up. Blocking him for 'no reason' is not okay and I need to let go. I'm just so over this."

Tango took his phone and shut it off, "Okay, let's just forget about electronics for the day. How about we do something to get your mind off things?"

"Like what?"

Tango kissed his cheek, smiling, "We could go to the bedroom~?"

"Oh my god!" Solidarity laughed, "Trying to get in my pants when this is serious talk?"

"Serious does not mean important! Besides, it'll make sure your mind is only on me soooooo~?"

"You're ridiculous." The dirty blonde kissed his nose, smiling, "Let's go."

When Solidarity turned his phone on the next day, he sent a simple text to everyone.

Solidarity:  Yes, I'm in a new relationship, I have been for two months. I didn't say anything because I wanted to wait and get more serious. I also don't want to jeopardize this relationship. Out of respect for Tango, and myself, I'm going to ask you to stop trying to get me to talk with Scott. 

Of course, people tried to ask more questions, but he made another text, simply saying "I don't feel comfortable sharing anymore details. Please just respect my boundaries." Of course, some complained, but he just closed his phone, ignoring it.

"I think they're starting to see you've developed quite a backbone!" Tango encouraged.

"Thanks to you, really." The dirty blonde smiled, "I really like you and our relationship means more to me than that friend group. Time to actually prove it, I guess."

"I'm proud of you." Tango kissed his lips, "I know it's hard putting down boundaries and sticking up for yourself, but once you get used to it, it becomes easier."

Solidarity nodded, smiling.

***

Solidarity didn't introduce Tango to his brother and sister and the friend group for about a year. Tango respected his decision and understood why, judging from their reactions when the dirty blonde first blocked Scott, he wasn't sure they would even accept that Solidarity actually moved on. However, it was Christmas and Solidarity explained he had been skipping the past couple holidays because he knew Scott would be there and didn't want to deal with the inevitable.

"It's been a year and we've been together ever since. Why don't we give them a chance?"

Solidarity was hesitant, "...I don't know."

"Come on, please?" Tango hugged him, "I can handle myself just fine, love! And I can shut them down! You know I can!"

The dirty blonde hesitated again before he sighed, "The moment I feel uncomfortable and ask you to pack your stuff, we leave."

"Of course!"

So, they made their way to Solidarity's brother's house, two hours away. Solidarity tapped anxiously on the steering wheel, biting his bottom lip.

"It's okay, we'll be fine." Tango reassured, able to see the other white-knuckling the steering wheel.

"I-I just-!" He took a deep breath, "I know Scott is probably going to be there and he's going to mention our high school days a lot." 

Tango shrugged, "Okay?"

"We used to call ourselves 'Flower Husbands' because we were teenagers exploring our sexuality or how he was my first relationship or how he was my first kiss or how he was my first whatever else." The dirty blonde rolled his eyes, sighing, "He's just going to try to embarrass me or make you jealous or something else."

"Was he your first? In, like, the bedroom department?"

Solidarity blushed darkly, "T-TANGO!"

"Yes or no?"

"I-I already told you, you were my first- oh..." The dirty blonde chuckled, "You are going to use that, aren't you?"

The blonde snickered, "Of course! I'll just mention how I deflowered one of the Flower Husbands and maybe it'll shut him up!"

"Idiot." Solidarity teased.

They continued talking and laughing, having an amazing time as they distracted themselves while driving. Eventually, they pulled up to the house and Solidarity sighed, taking a deep breath. There were a couple of cars already crowding the driveway, so Solidarity just parked in the grass. Tango was the first to step out, but the dirty blonde didn't move. He went to the driver's side, opening the door and kneeling down. He could see the other shaking a bit, biting his bottom lip anxiously, tapping his fingers on the wheel.

"It's okay." Tango reassured, cupping his face, "Soli, it's fine. You know me, I won't get jealous or feel threatened or whatever, no matter what anyone says."

"I-I know, I just..." Solidarity leaned into his touch, closing his eyes as he shook a bit, "I'm not worried about you..."

"Excuse me?"

Tango turned, seeing a brunette woman standing on the porch.

"Can I help you?" She asked, "Are you lost? This is private property."

"Uh, no, I'm not lost! Hi, I'm Tango, Soli's boyfriend!" Tango explained, standing up.

"'Soli?'" She repeated, confused.

"Solidarity?" Tango explained, "I-I call him Soli!"

Solidarity hesitantly got out of the car, Tango hovering over him. He shut the car door and smiled, but the man could see the anxiety written on his face still. Solidarity took Tango's hand in his, the blonde squeezing reassuringly.

"Hi Pearl." Solidarity smiled, relaxing a bit as he motioned to the blonde, "This is Tango. My boyfriend for a year and three months."

"Four months, really! I just wanted to take you out on a lot of pre-boyfriend dates!" Tango argued.

"Don't tell on yourself, Tango, my sister will think you're a coward for waiting a month to officially ask to be my boyfriend." The dirty blonde teased before looking at Pearl, "It's good to see you."

The brunette laughed, "Awww, you both are cute. It's nice to meet you Tango!" She walked over, hugging her brother, "And good to see ya, Jim. Come on! We're still waiting on a couple of people!"

They walked inside and Solidarity introduced Tango to Grian, his brother, and then some of the people in the friend group. Gem and Fwhip (who were twins), Joel and Lizzie (a married couple), Cleo, Scar, and Mumbo. All were polite, introducing themselves.

"Other people will be coming, but it's good to finally meet Solidarity's secret boyfriend!" Joel teased, raising an eyebrow, "Scott will be coming, hope it won't make you uncomfortable." He said in a nice tone, but Tango and Solidarity knew he was mocking the blonde.

Solidarity narrowed his eyes slightly, annoyed.

However, Tango just smiled, "Actually, it'd be great to meet the person who drunk called at two am and immediately hung up when I answered!" He said in the same nice voice before he looked at the dirty blonde, fake gasping, "WAIT! Do you think he hung up cause he had a crush on me?! Oh my god, Soli, I'm not prepared, where's the bathroom! I need to make myself presentable!"

Everyone laughed besides Joel, who narrowed his eyes a bit. Solidarity looked at Joel, took Tango's hand and kissed the blonde's cheek before pulling him to the couch. Everyone either caught up with Solidarity or got to know Tango better. Occasionally, either Fwhip or Joel would slip in a snarky comment about Tango blocking Scott or feeling uncomfortable with Scott, but disguised it as playful banter. Tango never took the bait, laughing it off or giving it right back.

At one point, he asked Joel, "Oh, so Lizzie must still talk to her exes, right? Seeing as you're so interested in Soli talking to his!"

Joel actually seemed shocked by this, responding, "Uh, no? Why would she? We're married, I wouldn't want her doing that."

"Huh, weird that you wouldn't want your wife talking to her exes." Tango looked at Solidarity, "I couldn't imagine that."

"Me either." Solidarity hummed, looking at Joel, "Anyways, what were you saying about Scott?"

That seemed to be the moment Joel sort of backed off. Fwhip still tried to get under Tango's skin, but Solidarity knew his boyfriend was a master of "not giving a shit". He watched Tango take whatever was thrown at him and either laughed it off or gave the same energy right back. He smiled and leaned into the other, happy.

However, after about an hour and a half, a couple more people arrived. Tango was introduced to Sausage, Martyn and Ren (a couple, Martyn being one of the ones who Solidarity actually talked to on a regular basis and who Tango immediately liked as the blonde whispered to him "Scott's a huge dick but has everyone wrapped around his finger, don't let him get to you or Timmy."), Big B, and Cub.

And, of course, Scott.

The man was last to arrive. He walked in and everyone, besides Solidarity, Tango, Martyn, and Ren, cheered, saying hi to him and giving him a hug. Scott laughed and hugged back before turning. He gasped as his eyes landed on Solidarity, smiling brightly.

"Dary, oh my god, it's been forever! How are you? It's so good to finally see you again!" He opened his arms to give the other a hug.

Tango could see his boyfriend stiffen up. So, he stepped in front of him and hugged Scott instead, "Hi! It's nice to finally meet you! I've heard so much about you from Grian, Joel, and Fwhip!" Scott pulled back, confused, but Tango held his hand, shaking it.

"Oh, uh, who are-?"

"It's such a pleasure to meet you! My name is Tango!" The blonde smiled innocently, "I'm Soli's boyfriend! We've been dating for a year and four months, not that anyone is counting."

"Three. You insisted on taking me on one month pre-boyfriend dates." Solidarity laughed.

"But we were still exclusive!" Tango turned around and gave Solidarity a hug, the dirty blonde happily returning it, "So that month counts!"

"You know what? It's Christmas, we'll let it count!"

"Yes!" The blonde cheered before he looked back at Scott, leaning into the dirty blonde. Solidarity wrapped one arm around his shoulders as Tango hugged his side, smiling at the other, "Anyways, yeah, it's so nice to finally meet you!"

Solidarity offered his other hand, seeing as the one was wrapped around Tango and too occupied for a hug, "Good to see you again, Scott."

Scott was obviously displeased, but smiled, shaking Solidarity's hand, "You too, Dary."

The man left to greet everyone else as Martyn and Ren walked towards Tango and Solidarity.

"Well damn, I like you." Martyn chuckled, whispering, "You sure know the rules of Scott's game."

Tango smiled innocently, "No idea what you're talking about."

Solidarity laughed, "Mar and I fake dated for awhile in hopes of Scott dropping the whole 'I'm hung up' shtick, and he's never acted like that."

"You got under his skin good." Ren complimented, the four looking at Scott, who was talking with Joel and Lizzie, "He's just going to step up his game."

"Good." Tango chuckled, "I hope so. Soli, how uncomfortable am I going to make everyone?"

"You have my complete consent to do whatever you want to do."

"Ohoho, that's dangerous, Love."

"It is for them, Light."

For the night, Tango stuck to Solidarity like glue, acting like the clingiest boyfriend in the world and Solidarity couldn't be happier with it. They mainly sat on the couch and talked with others, Scott moving to sit beside them occasionally. Because Solidarity was sitting against the arm rest and Tango was next to him, Scott simply sat on Tango's other side, even though he seemed a bit unhappy about it. The conversation flowed with people asking Solidarity how he was doing, if he would be visiting more, and asking Tango about his work, what he did, etc.

Scott would try to bring up something about an old date, but Tango would "accidentally" interrupt, telling a story about their first date or the time Solidarity taught Tango how to ice skate or the time Tango showed Solidarity a trick he knew on how to always win claw machines, even taking out his phone and gushing about the cat he and Solidarity adopted together that Solidarity named Norman.

"He loves naming animals human names, it's sooooooo cute!" Tango giggled before gasping, turning to look at Scott, "Oh, sorry, I hope you don't mind! I'm just so happy to finally meet everyone! I mean, Soli was so scared coming down here, thinking I wouldn't be accepted or fit in. I'm sure you've had to help him through an anxiety or panic attack before, right!"

Scott stared, "No, actually, I haven't."

"Oh, really?" Tango asked, faking confusion because he knew the answer.

"Wait, since when have you had anxiety, Solidarity?" Fwhip asked.

Gem elbowed him, "Dude. Not how you ask."

"It's cool Gem, I was only recently diagnosed so I don't blame him." Solidarity chuckled, smiling awkwardly before looking at Tango, "It was I think two months after I met you? So that's... what, two years?"

"That sounds about right." He looked at the rest of the group, smiling innocently, "He must've changed a lot since high school if no one noticed." He hummed, looking at Scott, "Poor thing was so nervous no one would like me! He was so scared no one would accept me because they all were hung up on you and your past relationship!" 

Scott narrowed his eyes a bit, Solidarity blushing as he let out a "T-Tango!"

Everyone laughed, either not noticing the slight accusation or choosing to ignore it, conversation continuing to flow. At one point, Solidarity had to use the bathroom, the man standing up to go. Tango playfully cried out an "Don't leave me!", the group continuing to laugh, talk, and joke.

"Oh, Tango, I have to ask-" Scott smiled innocently at the blonde, "-does Dary still get embarrassed over PDA? I swear, kissing him is like pulling teeth sometimes!"

"No, actually! He loves to share kisses with me! He's such a giver, it's adorable!" Tango giggled, smiling back innocently, "He's such a cuddler too, he's like a puppy sometimes!"

"I guess that makes sense. I was his first kiss after all, he was so embarrassed about it. I could hardly get him to stay still sometimes!" Scott had a sly smirk on his face, "Guess you can thank me for his confidence! He learned from the best!"

"Nah, it's thanks to me! After all-" He leaned towards Scott, whispering in his ear as he smirked, "-I was the first one to get him to spread his legs."

Scott blushed darkly, eyes widening.

"His entire body was red, he was so embarrassed the first time. But now? I can't keep up, half the time. You should see him on his knees, begging. He's so good at it. He really is like a dog." Tango pulled away, smiling innocently, "A good one! The best one!"

Before anyone could ask or say anything, Solidarity came back. He sat next to Tango, the blonde smirking at Scott. He grabbed the other's chin and pulled him in for a kiss, Solidarity kissing back with no hesitation, even wrapping an arm around his waist. When they pulled back, Tango leaned into him, Solidarity keeping his arm in it's place.

Solidarity laughed a bit, face turning red, "You're ridiculous!"

"You love it!"

Scott excused himself to the bathroom, Tango just smiling.

Eventually, dinner was done and everyone got their plates of food. Scott had come back and got his own food. Tango and Solidarity hadn't noticed that they had switched places (with Tango by the arm rest), so Scott sat beside Solidarity. The blonde went to move or say something, but Solidarity gave him an "it's fine" look and smile. Everyone sat around in the living room, talking, bouncing stories off each other, Tango excitedly listening to the stories of young Solidarity, who either blushed in embarrassment or yelled to "not tell that one!" They asked Tango and Solidarity questions about them and their relationship, what it was like living two hours away, if they had any plans to move back, overall having a good time. 

Until the alcohol was brought out.

Grian offered cups to everyone, Tango looking at Solidarity.

"You drink as much as you want, I'll drive." Solidarity reassured with a smile.

"Can you drive me too, then?" Scott asked, holding his own cup and beginning to gently draw shapes on his arm.

Solidarity stiffened, "I'm sure someone else can, Tango and I have to go in the opposite direction of your place."

"Awwww, you used to do it all the time when we would sneak alcohol." Scott chuckled, "Remember when we would steal my from my dad's stash? Grian caught us one time and was pissed!"

"Yeah, cause I thought Solidarity had never drank before, especially when you were both fifteen!" Grian teased.

Scott laughed, everyone did, but Solidarity and Tango. Tango held Solidarity's hand, rubbing circles in his palm to try and ground him as the other was stiff.

"Come on, I don't drink and drive and I left my car at home knowing about the alcohol! Are you gonna leave this power damsel all by himself?" Scott teased, drawing flower shapes on Solidarity's arm, "Will Tango not let you?" He accused, but said it in a teasing manner, everyone but Solidarity, Tango, Martyn, and Ren chuckling a bit.

The blonde could feel Solidarity tense up more. He smiled innocently, "Scott, why do you always ask Soli, are you still hung up on him?"

"H-Huh?! What, no, he-"

"Then I think it's weird how you always ask Soli." Tango said in the same teasing voice, though his accusation was more clear.

"He's right, Scott!" Martyn called, also having that teasing voice, "You know what, Ren can take us home! Ren's not allowed to drink outside our house!"

"It was one time!" Ren groaned playfully, both still trying to keep the playful energy, trying to ease the tension.

"One too many times!"

Solidarity was still stiff.

Tango spoke up, "Listen, if I convince him to take you home, will you promise we won't get a drunk call? Look how beautiful Soli is! He gets more pretty in his sleep and I can't have you ruining my eye candy!"

Scott flushed before he smiled, recovering with, "Come on, can't we share him? I mean, he already has me blocked because I make you uncomfortable, I just want to spend more time with him! He rarely visits nowadays!"

"Gee, I wonder why." Solidarity said, unable to mask his annoyance.

Tango stopped the teasing, looking at the other, "Soli-"

"What's wrong, Dary?" Scott asked, still tracing shapes on his arm.

Solidarity took a deep breath and retracted his arm, standing up, "Tango, get your things, we're leaving."

Tango stood up and grabbed his and Solidarity's things, seeing as Grian and Pearl stood up, trying to stop their brother, everyone else too stunned to move or say anything at the suddenness.

"Timmy, what's wrong?" "Nothing, I just want to leave-" "Come on Jim, it's Christmas, please stay!" "Both of you, move, I want to leave!" "You were never like this before, what the hell happened?!" "You know what happened!" "No we don't because you refuse to talk or visit us half the time!" "I've told you why, you just refuse to listen to me!"

Tango grabbed Solidarity's arm, pulling him past them, "Come on, Love, just look down, I'll drive-"

"Hold on, we're talking-"

"With all due respect, Grian, your brother is about to have a panic attack!" Tango glared, standing in front of Solidarity, protecting him as the other shook. Martyn and Ren climbed over the couch and tried to calm him down as Tango hissed, "I'm trying to get him away from people and in a safe place so he can calm down! So, if you'll excuse us-"

"Oh, and you know so much more about him than me, right?!" Grian glared, "You guys have been together for a year and yet you know more than his own brother?"

"Apparently, I do, he moved away for a reason!" The blonde hissed.

"You-!"

"Come on, Soli-" 

Pearl grabbed Solidarity's arm, "Guys, please just calm down! Jimmy, if you need a safe place, you can go in your old room and-"

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND I WANT TO LEAVE BECAUSE THIS WHOLE HOUSE FEELS UNSAFE?!" Solidarity screamed, facing Pearl, retracting his arm, "THIS ENTIRE HOUSE IS UNSAFE BECAUSE OF HIM!" He motioned to Scott.

"Dary, what-"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" The man faced the other, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU COUNTLESS TIMES, I DON'T LIKE THAT NICKNAME! I DON'T LIKE ANYONE WHO ISN'T FAMILY OR MY PARTNER USING A NICKNAME! I'VE TOLD YOU THAT, OVER AND OVER AND OVER, AND I'VE TOLD YOU WHY, AND YOU REFUSE TO FUCKING LISTEN!"

"Hey, let's all just calm down!" Lizzie exclaimed, "Scott didn't do anything-"

"Shut up, Lizzie!" Solidarity growled.

"Woah, don't talk-"

"Shut up, Joel!" The dirty blonde repeated, motioning around the house, "THIS! This is why I don't come down here, this is exactly why! Everyone pushes my boundaries and then tells me to calm down, that I'm overreacting, that I'm being too sensitive, that I can't take a joke! So you know what?! FINE! I won't be back!"

"Solida-"

"NO! I'm tired of this, I'm tired of all this! I'm tired of being told I need to move on from Scott, that I need to let go of a grudge, that I need to just accept things, stuff that I have already done!" Solidarity looked at Scott, glaring, "I wish I never dated you if this is how you would react. Congrats, you've convinced everyone, including my own brother and sister, that I apparently am hung up on you! Despite the fact I have recorded voicemails of you crying, saying how you miss me, how you love me, how you wish we could go back to the way things were! Despite the fact I would pick you up so you didn't walk home drunk, and you tried to kiss me or make me stay the night! Despite the fact you would touch my arms and back and legs and I would not reciprocate, in fact, I would go stiff or tell you to stop, but you didn't care! Despite the fact I moved two hours away so I didn't have to deal with this! Yep, I'm still hung up on you! Tango is totally just a rebound and I am totally just waiting for you to confess your undying love for me so we can live happily ever after! Yep, that's exactly what I'm doing!"

He motioned towards the room, "And you all believe it! Let me tell you all the truth! Scott and I broke up amicably and I haven't looked back once! In fact, I blocked Scott, because I was uncomfortable, but Tango was gracious enough to take the fall because he knew the drama would stress me out!"

"Timmy, come on." Martyn gently pulled the other away, "You don't have to prove anything to anyone-"

"I-I am happy in my new relationship!" Solidarity whimpered, Tango hugging his arm as he was led out, "A relationship where I am respected, my feelings are considered, I can speak and not worry about if I say is the right or wrong thing, where I finally was able to grow a fucking spine! Unlike here, where I feel so shitty because you all make it seem like my comfortably doesn't matter." He was led to the door, "F-For future reference, if Scott is here, I'm not coming. If any of you try to make me apologize or try to reconcile, I will block you. I've been debating on doing this for months, but Tango thought I should give you all one more chance, see if you all have changed. Clearly, you haven't."

Solidarity was led to the car, getting in the passenger seat. Martyn and Tango calmed him down as Ren gathered his and Martyn's things. Once he was calm enough, Tango shut the door, thanking the two profusely. Martyn gave Tango his phone number, asking him to please just text or call him when they got home, Tango promising he would. Tango then got in the front seat and began to reverse, driving away. The dirty blonde gave him his phone, which was already beginning to blow up with texts and calls. Tango took it and shut it off. They sat in silence, the blonde holding Solidarity's hand as the other shook, tears streaming down his face.

"I'm proud of you." Tango reassured.

"...Thanks... You did really good... Not letting him get under your skin..." The dirty blonde shook, wiping his eyes, "I just couldn't, not when he began touching me..."

"I understand, Love."

"I'm s-"

"No need to apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. Boundaries are for you, not for anyone else." Tango looked at him, smiling, "You should be proud."

Solidarity smiled a bit, "Thank you." He whispered meekly.

The two sat in a comfortable silence, driving home.

AN: This was more of just a story of setting boundaries and me projecting onto my comfort characters. Hope you liked it even if it was more of a vent kinda?

[jamdoughnutmagician]

A Cut Above The Rest

Mechanic!Eddie x Fem!Hairdresser!Reader

Saving All My Love For You (Part 8)

Summary:Following the events at Steve's Halloween party, Eddie takes you back to his place for a bit of peace and quiet.

Word Count:1, 883

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Masterlist Series Masterlist

You make your goodbyes, letting Robin know that Eddie’s taking you home. Profusely apologising about the way the evening had gone, and graciously thanking Steve for dealing with Jacob.

"No, no you don’t have to apologise, it wasn’t your fault.” Steve comforts you. “..And you won't have to worry about him for a long time." Steve reassures you with a calming hand on your shoulder. "Police chief Hopper owes me a favour anyway."

You wipe away the wet tear streak that had fallen down your cheek, smiling with nod as you thank Steve once more.

“Hey,” Eddie says softly, laying a soft touch to your shoulder. “You ready to go?”

“Yes, please.” you nod.

You find yourself cruising down the road, sitting beside Eddie in his van, when suddenly you remember that Robin was the one with the keys to the apartment. You hadn't yet had your own copy of her keys, cursing yourself for forgetting that fact.

“Hey, hey, don’t worry, if you want, I can drive you back to my place?” Eddie offers sweetly.

“No, no, I wouldn’t want to impose on you, I mean; I’ve already torn you away from the party,  you shouldn’t have to also deal with me unloading all my baggage on you like this." You sigh, running a hand through your hair.

"You would never be imposing, not with me, and it's not baggage, it's just your past. Everyone's got a story, everyone’s got their own shit to deal with, and you don’t have to go through it alone, y’know, I’ll be there to hold your hand, if you want me that is.” he tells you. “You’re coming home with me, plus it’d make me feel a lot better to know that you were somewhere safe.” he admits, driving past Robin’s apartment, and towards his home.

“Thanks Eddie, that’s really sweet of you to say.” You smile, despite the few tears that threaten to spill from your eyes.

“Hey hey..no more of that..okay?” He says softly. “How about we put on some music, yeah?”  

“I’d like that, please.” 

Eddie reaches down into the little collection of cassette tapes that he keeps by the van’s gearshift, his eyes never leaving the road as he pops the tape into the van’s cassette player.

“How do you know which tape you’re even putting in there?” you ask him

“Oh, I know which one it is, trust me.” he replies with an air of confidence.

The slow start of Whitney Houston’s Saving All My Love For You pours out from the speakers. Did he just know that this was your favourite song? Or was he purposely trying to impress you?

Though I've tried to resist being last on your list

But no other man's gonna do

So I'm saving all my love for you.

“You know, I didn’t have Eddie Munson, Hawkins’ resident metal-head, down as a secret Whitney Houston fan.” you lightly tease.

“I’ve come to develop an admiration  of her music ever since a certain someone I know gave me this very mix-tape with this song on it in high school.” he tells you, his brown eyes sparkling as they flicked over to you.

“Wait..you’re telling me that this is the mixtape I gave you in ‘85? You still have it after all this time?” You stutter.

Ten years ago you worked up the courage enough to give the cute, fuzzy-haired metal-head in your English class a mix-tape, you would never have imagined that he would still be holding on to it all these years later.

“What can I say? When the prettiest girl in all of the school takes the time to give me a carefully selected mixtape, I take that very seriously.” He explains. “Y’know, I was going to ask you to come see us play in The Hideout when you came up to me that day, but I chickened out. Nerves got the better of me I guess.”

“I always thought you were cute, Eddie. Even back in high school.” you shyly admit to him as you lay your hand over his where it rests on the gearshift of his van. "I'd have gone anywhere with you."

It didn’t take very long before Eddie was pulling into the driveway of Forest Hills trailer park, his van rolling to a slow stop beside a small trailer on the edge of the park.

He rushes around to your side of the van to open the door for you, taking you by the hand to ease you out of your seat and lead you towards the quaint trailer.

“I’m sorry it’s nothing compared to Harrington’s palace, but it’s humble and it’s home.” he tells you, holding the trailer’s door open for you.

"Eddie, you don’t have to apologise for where you live. It’s a very nice home.” you tell him as you follow in behind him.

"Yeah I moved out of the old trailer into this one, to give my uncle a bit of space, whilst still being close enough if he needs me for anything." 

You look around the space in which you find yourself, it’s modestly decorated, nothing too fancy or particularly garish. You find yourself drawn to the few small figurines that sit on a shelf in his living room.

“Painted them myself.” he smiles proudly, nodding towards the figures. “They’re for D&D.” 

“Oh yeah, I remember, you used to be the head of the school’s dungeons and dragons club.”

“Yeah, Hellfire was my baby.” He laughs a little at the memory. “I never did get you to sign my yearbook, did I?”

“I could do it now, for you, if you like?” you offer shyly.

“Really?” 

“Yeah come on, it could be fun, I could write some silly little message in there for you!”

“Alright then, just give me a minute, let me see if I can find it, and let me give you something a little more comfortable to wear, Morticia.” he says, his eyes raking over the way the clingy velvet material of your dress hugs your curves. "You gonna be alright for a while?" He checks in with you.

"Yeah I'll be fine, take your time."

You sit with yourself a minute before you hear Eddie stumbling back into the room. He’s already changed out of his pirate costume, although you can still see a faint smudge of black liner under his lashes where he’s tried to clean his face. He’s wearing a faded Black Sabbath t-shirt and a pair of loose fitting black and red plaid pyjama pants.

“Here, you can get changed into these, hopefully you should be more comfortable.” he says, throwing a bundle of clothes your way. “Bathroom’s down there and the left.” he says pointing down the hall.

“Thanks Ed.” you smile gratefully.

You take the bundle of clothes and make your way into the bathroom to change.

You wrangle yourself out of the tight constraints of your Halloween costume, and slip into the warm comfort of the baggy Metallica t-shirt and chequered boxers, and clean your face of the makeup you'd been wearing as best you can, before making your way back into the living room where Eddie is.

"Hey! I found my old yearbook!" He cheers, before turning his head around to see you dressed in his clothes. His heart is caught in his throat as he sees you. You look so adorable like this, so much so that Eddie couldn't help but let his mind wander to the thought of what if it was always like this. He suddenly saw his whole life ahead of him, and there wasn't a single moment without you in it. His girl.

Just like two people who always belonged together. 

"Is this seat taken?" You chuckle, nodding to the empty space on the couch.

“It’s all yours.” He smiles back at you, allowing you to plop down next to him.

Eddie thumbs open the yearbook on his lap.

“Class of ‘86, huh? What a year that was!” He chuckles reminiscently. 

“..And look at that..” you start, pointing your finger to the little picture of Eddie in his yearbook. “..Voted most likely to become a rockstar!” you smile.

“Well I’m not a rockstar yet, Sweetheart.” He chimes.

You suppress the urge to break into a beaming grin at the way the affectionate pet name so easily fell from his lips.

“Key word being ‘yet’, you’ll get there soon, and when you do, I’ll be right there, in the crowd, cheering you on!” you tell him as you lean your shoulder into his.

Eddie preens under your praises, with a pink flush spreading out from his cheeks. Your words warming his heart from the inside out.

You reach your hand out to the side table next to you, where a box of pens stand next to a rotary phone and a stack of post-it notes.

“May I?” you ask, pen-in-hand, nodding towards his yearbook. “You did say I never got the chance to sign it.”

Eddie hands over the book to you, watching you as you carefully scribble a message on the back pages of his book before closing it shut and handing it back to him.

He takes the book from you before going to open it up to read your message only for your hands to reach out and stop him in his tracks.

“No! You can’t read it now! You’ve gotta read it when I’m not here!”

“Alright, I’ll save it for later.” He nods.

You suddenly feel a wave of tiredness come over you as you try your best to stifle a yawn behind your hand. The dramatics at Steve's party were now starting to take its toll on you.

"You feeling sleepy?" Eddie asks, as he feels you leaning into him a bit more than you were before.

You mumble a quiet "yes" with a subtle nod of your head.

"Come on, you can sleep in my bed tonight." Eddie says, and before you can even protest he's helping you into the warmth of his bed's blankets, hushing your worries about being an imposition.

“I told you, you’re not imposing, I’m offering.” He assures you as he leaves you to get comfortable in his room, before going to make up the couch for him to sleep on.

“Eddie, where are you going?” You call out to him before he can leave. 

“I was gonna give you some space, sleep on the couch.” he explains.

“Eddie..” you sigh. “This is your bed, you should get to sleep in it too. There’s plenty of room for two people.” you say as you open up the sheets for him to get under.

He makes his way over to you, slotting himself next to you under the warmth of his duvet.

You tentatively snuggle yourself into him, your arms wrapping around his middle.

“Is this okay?” you ask, glad of the darkness flooding in from his window to hide the heat of your embarrassment.

Eddie wastes no time in doing the same, by wrapping his arms around you to bring you close to him.

“Sweetheart, It’s more than okay.” He smiles, laying a sweet kiss to the crown of your head. “Now get some sleep, and I’ll be here for you in the morning.”

@penguinsandpotterheads @slutty-thevampireslayer @xxhellfirebunnyxx @mmunson86 @avalon-wolf @ali-r3n @jesssssmaybankk @munsonology

[reimeichan]

Yknow what yeah I do wanna talk about that last post I reblogged.

Because I was in survival mode for so long, I didn't even realize it was survival mode even when I got out of it. My brain was so convinced for years afterwards that I was STILL in danger constantly, even though I was no longer being constantly traumatized and re-traumatized by my abusers. I thought by simply escaping I was allowing myself to heal and recover, never once realizing I never actually did the work to do such. Plus, Survival Mode had been my norm for over twenty years of my life. I didn't know anything else.

For four years after leaving that traumatic environment, I continued on as if I was in survival mode. And, well, that was what worked for me. Work was basically an extension of college which was an extension of high school, and I continued to beat myself up internally to do chores and shit the same way I would avoid being yelled at by my parents. I didn't see anything wrong with any of this. After all, I had a stable income and was no longer dealing with a toxic, abusive environment. Why did anything need to change?

Well, turns out, a lot of my old coping skills were only helping me because they were so maladaptive and hurting the people around me. My emotional dissociation made me distant and inattentive to the emotional needs of the people closest to me. My reliance on panic and adrenaline to get myself started on tasks made me unreliable to others who actually treated me like a human being. And as I slowly realized how much my past had shaped my current behavior, I became more and more aware of how different my current life and my old life were.

And that revelation felt like ripping the carpet from under me, only to find a massive whirlpool of chaos where there should have been solid ground.

It was like my eyes suddenly opened to all the trauma and grief and emotional turmoil that I had pretended did not affect me was now rushing out as a stream out into the open. I had opened Pandora's Box and couldn't close it again. My life that I had carefully cultivated quickly fell apart as I was now all too aware of just how much I hadn't actually worked through and processed. I lost my partner of 14 years, and the stable job I held for 4 years. I was a mess as I tried to untangle the mass of cobwebs in my head from decades of pushing things away, the cobwebs that feebly held me together until they no longer could.

And... slowly, I replaced those cobwebs with stronger things. Instead of ignoring my traumas, I faced them. Instead of ignoring my feelings, I let myself feel them. Instead of pretending everything was fine, I let myself fall apart, so that I knew how to better put myself back together again. I replaced the old coping skills and old behaviors that no longer served me with healthier things that allowed me to move forward. I stacked things neatly in my head where I could see them, instead of shoving them away into a corner.

And in time, I learned how to be happy.

It's weird, really. I thought I knew what happiness was. I thought happiness would have been louder and more obvious. I always saw the people cheering on screen and celebrating as what happiness would feel like. But I've found that happiness is gentle and calming, and I realized the "happiness" I had growing up was not truly happiness.

I'm doing better now. It fucking sucked to get here. But... it's worth it.

[crusherthedoctor]

What's your WIP?

Prepare for cringe, and make 'em twinge.

What if: Paper Mario... but with Eggman. :D :D :D

I promise it's not as dumb as it sounds... okay maybe it is. But hear me out, I didn't bash non-matching LEGO bricks together mindlessly, there's some comprehensive logic behind it. :<

A while back, during the weekly groaning about Eggman being undermined and treated like shit, I pointed out that when you think about it, he would actually be a very serious problem if he were inserted into other works unrelated to Sonic. I said this mostly out of humor, but it's a what-if that I've thought about more seriously from time to time, including very recently, where I wondered out loud if Eggman would be more respected in-media and out if he were from literally any other franchise. Because as much as I hate to say it, it does feel that way sometimes...

Meanwhile, as you've no doubt gained from my recent posting, I've been more Paper Mario-pilled than ever before, due to how much the TTYD remake gives me passion during a time where I've been sorely needing it, as well as just remembering how much I love TTYD and the original N64 game in general. This happiness inspires me to do something with it out of celebration, so I think to myself "Hey, all my works so far have been strictly Sonic, but I'm currently having a down period with the series due to my ferocious apathy towards most of the current stuff, so how about I expand my horizon and experiment with something that doesn't have that confounded hedgehog in it for the time being? Maybe having something else would also keep me rejuvenated with Stellar, since I could bounce between different projects! But what can I come up with for Paper Chris Pratt?"

Then I think back to the first point, and… yeah. Does what it says on the tin, doesn't it. In an effort to make it sound less Now That's What I Call Mid-00's Fanfiction.Net Vol. 1, think of it like the anti-Storybook: instead of Sonic being catapulted into an unfamiliar world, and having to help out with what's going on… Eggman gets catapulted into an unfamiliar world, takes advantage of the fact that Sonic isn't there to stop him like the opportunistic bastard he is, and the (Paper) Mario universe is forced to deal with a threat that they have no context for.

Yes, I know it's very fanfic-y, but at this point, between this and Sonudis, I think my entire selling point(?) might be taking the most fanfic ideas you can think of (short of killing off canon characters or dumping them in a high school AU, because not even I would do that), and playing them as authentically and respectfully to the source material and official characterizations as possible. What kind of trouble would Eggman be able to cause in a world with no Sonic or Chaos Emeralds around? What scheme would he come up with? What would this very different cast of characters make of him, and vice versa? Is this just an excuse to write for Vivian to cope with the fact that she'll probably once again not appear in later games? (The answer is yes.)

If I decide to actually create this Frankenstein abomination of an idea, it probably won't be uploaded on this site since I'm not sure how many Mario fans I have in the audience so to speak. Then again... @beevean seems to have carved a place for herself in the Castlevania fic community on here, so maybe I should?

(Also, this would NOT lead into a full-on Mario and Sonic crossover, or some convoluted cinematic universe nonsense. It would just be a unique character study, nothing more. Plus, just the idea of a traditional Paper Mario adventure where the villain is inexplicably Eggman is my kind of shitpost energy.)

[xephyr-your-sticks]

Good evening, Revalink Nation. I am once again back on my bullshit!

Have some modern-day human AU dumbasses! There's a little fic I'm working on for this AU as well, but with how many ideas i have for this thing, something tells me it's not going to be very "little" 👀. REGARDESS, there's some fun little deets in the read more, as well as one more drawing! ^^

• I like to think that Link would be the captain of the colour guard. Those of my oldest followers, the ones that have followed me since I was an undertale ask blog, know full well that I was in colour guard my freshman year of high school. Lots of peeps put him as captain of the fencing club, but I mean, HEY, CG involves its own types of saber and rifles! Plus, it helps make things just that little bit more unique ^^

• That being said, Revali is, predictably so, captain of the archery club. You can take the bird out of the archer, but you can't take the archer out of the bird.

• They share a college dorm together, and for the first month, Revali spends it acting like he couldn't give two shits about this tiny little twink of a boy, but then suddenly shifts gears one day when a particular short black woman with red cornrows has a Talk™️ with him.

• Link promised Revali's Nana when he first moved in that he would cheer Rev up whenever he was in a sour mood. So Revali's disdain for him is quite confusing, given that they hardly know each other at that point. He's convinced for that whole time that Revali hates him because of his tourettes, (He later finds out that Revali actually does understand sign and that he hated not being able to read Link's expressions. It's amazing what happens when you actually tell people how you're feeling and why!)

• Before the Very Mysterious Young Woman who's Definitely not Mipha reams into Rev, the only time he was cordial with Link was when food was involved.

• Like seriously, when Link was cooking, that was the ONLY time for that first month where he felt he could talk without stuttering or messing up his words.

• After that first month, Link starts leaving notes for Revali in places he commonly was, or attatched to meals that were then placed outside their door. They're not typically anything special, just little words of encouragement, praises of his accomplishments, even empathy for a particularly rough day. He puts the words he can't quite get verbally out into writing because, at least that way, there's no perceived embarrassment when he speaks.

• Revali. Keeps. Every. Single. Note. He reads three very specific ones over and over again at night once he gets all of them. The rest, he keeps safe in a little wooden music box that his mother gave to him (it plays song of storms), and he'll go through and read those too from time to time. They're secretly his favourite. Link has no idea he keeps them at all.

• They start dating some time after an extremely important archery competition. The CG was off on the sidelines watching the competition, and Link sprints over to slam himself into Revali the moment everyone else on their school's side of things begin filing onto the field. That's when Revali truly learns his own feelings.

This is a good deal of points in my fic, and I've been working on it on and off between playing TotK, working, and packing up to move. If anyone read this far, thank you for listening to me ramble!!!

[unamused-boss]

Good energy

Okay. This is my first ever fic on here, so I do appreciate polite criticism pls! Plus I've read almost everything for every character I am unhealthy obsessed with... sooo here we go!

Billy Hargrove x Fem Reader

(Billy might be a bit OC in this)

Warnings: strong language, under age drinking

Summary: When Billy moved to Hawkins Indiana he expected rednecks, hicks, and cows. Which he did see and was very much disappointed with. But that was until he sees some color pop out of no where one night in Hawkins.

.......................................................................................................................

Billy was spending his time in Hawkins as patiently as he could, which was close to none. The people were bland, the school was bland, and the weed was bland. 'God I want out of here' was a common thought that crossed his mind through out his day. Between having to deal with his shit-bird of a step-sister Max and with the ass kissing wannabes that do nothing but stick to his ass. All Billy wanted to do was go back to California. The sunsets, the beaches, the waves, the girls, all of it he wanted it all back. The only slight enjoyment he got was when he took the title as 'King' from 'King Steve'.

Currently Billy is walking out to his camaro, wait on his bitch of a sister, drive as fast he can home, hopefully avoid everyone in his house, then go out and get drunk in someone else's backyard. But the universe had other ideas... those idea's being Tommy fucking Hagan. He saw him running up to him from a mile away.

"You gotta be shitting me." Billy muttered irritatedly leaning against his car. Billy to a long drag of his cigarette, hoping for some relief.

"Hey Billy!" Tommy slightly shouted, he seemed somewhat winded from his short run. " You got plans tonight?"

"No, what's it to you?" Billy replied, taking another drag from his cigarette.

"Well there is gonna be a party down by the quarry tonight." Tommy said with a grin on his face.

"Okay? So what's that gotta do with me?" He was getting irritated now. Not only was Max running late but Tommy was still here.

"Harrington's got some girl coming with him, probably his rebound from Princess Wheeler..." That perked Billy's interest, making Steve miserable is his favorite thing to do. "So, what do ya say Hargrove?"

Billy stood still for a minute. No expression on his face only throwing his cigarette on the ground and snubbing it out.

"Count me in... Can't wait to steal Harrington's new girl." Billy laughed as he moved to the driver's seat of his car.

'little shit can skate home' He thought as his car roared out of the parking lot.

On the other side of town at the Chadwick (that will be your last name... sorry not sorry) residence...

Steve was pacing a hole into the floor as his childhood best friend went through her clothes.

"Do you seriously want to go with me tonight? I mean you moved away when you were in sixth grade now you're back... and I mean NOTHING has changed!" Steve was stressing way to much about one party, that being your first party back in Hawkins.

"Steve I'll be fine, the energy that you are putting off right now is not good." You smiled to him. "Good energy will come to you if you let it, you love parties what's got you so worked up plus you've changed for the better."

"That right there! This hippie shit is what is wrong!"

"Steve. If you're gonna worry about me like some mom don't come with me then okay." You didn't want to hurt his feelings but you wanted to have fun. "I get they are all judgy and whatever other adjective you used on the car ride over here, but I don't care. I like who I've become, so "this hippie shit" is trying to decide on the flowing warm skirt or the flowing purple pants!"

"I just don't want you to get mixed into the wrong people." Steve retorted.

"And I won't. I get the you broke things off with all of your old friends and who ever this Billy guy is but you don't have to protect me." You reassured.

"Fine." Steve sighed. "And go with the skirt it will look better with the top."

You smiled to him. "Thank you Steve... now get out I gotta change."

Steve made his way to get out of your room for you to get ready. "Yeah Yeah whatever."

. . .

The time was currently 12:39 am. While the party in the quarry has been going on for quit some time now. Many of the familiar faces of the so called popular crowd made their way in, those faces being Tommy, Billy, Tina, Carol, and among a few others. Billy was buzzed. It may not be a back yard but at least he'd get drunk at the end of the night. Music was blasting from some dude's portable speakers. There was a bonfire lighting the night away. Everyone was either dancing or talking, a few were some were throwing up in the bush. Billy was about to down another drink when Tommy came hurdling right into his back.

"What the hell Hagan." Billy shouted not only for him to hear him but also out of anger.

"Harrington's here with his new girl." He laughed. "You gotta see her, Carol come over here!" Tommy ran and in quick follow so did Carol. Billy sauntered his way over, with what little drink he had left, to where the two love birds perched themselves. And that is when Billy Hargrove saw a burst of color. There she was. She didn't dress like anyone else in Hawkins (Think Stevie Nicks Style). 'She couldn't be from this shit hole. Her hair was frizzy and a but unruly. Her skin glowed with the warm light. The clothes held to each curve of her body but flowed so elegantly as she walked. Who is this babe, not chic she's to pretty to be called a chic, and why was she with Harrington.' All these thoughts pondered Billy's mind.

"Holy shit." Carol said. Tommy and Billy can bot clearly see the shock on her face.

"What?" Tommy questioned, "Do you know her?"

"That's Y/N Chadwick! She moved in the sixth grade!" Slapping Tommy's arm. He gave no response only to be in more shock than Carol.

"Ain't no way... she looks great." That comment got a direct and aggressive response from Tommy. To which he responded with a vocal "Ow!?".

With you and Steve, you guys were just strolling by the bonfire. A cup of jungle juice in your hand with Steve was cupless due to being the driver of the night.

"So first party back in Hawkins, how does it feel?" Steve asked.

"Pretty far out, kinda better than any party from the city." You answered joyfully. To be honest you were happy to be back in Hawkins. City life was fun but it was getting to be to much for you.

"STevE!" An uneven voice yelled out across the rocky yard from us. You saw a girl with bangs and a bob cut calling over to Steve. Clearly she has had her fair share of alcohol.

"Hey Robin!" Steve responded. " You don't mind if I go talk to her do you?"

"No, go have fun!" You cheered. " Go flow, relax!"

"Good energy." Steve gritted through his teeth with a smile as he made his way over to this Robin girl. While you stayed right by the fire with your drink.

Billy saw his opportunity, you were alone and he could talk to you with Steve out of the way. Billy made his way over to you by the bonfire. You look to the guy that has just appeared beside you in the moment.

"Hey." He said it very smoothly.

"Hello." You respond with a sweet smile. Billy could just stare at you smiling. 'Come on man... you just met her get it together.' Billy thought.

"I've never seen you around before, I'm Billy." As Billy introduced himself, he took a step forward to close some space between the both of you. You ,however, stayed where you stood just smiling to the guy Steve was telling you about.

"So you're Billy." You grinned to him. 'God why do the jerks have to be so pretty'. "Steve mentioned you a few times but he didn't tell me how handsome you were."

"Well at least you get the in person experience." Billy answered, " So from what I've heard you have returned to Hawkins."

"Yes I have, what's it to you?" You questioned with a grin.

"Well sweetheart I wanna get to know you, I get you moved back but I am no longer the new kid on the block."

"Well what do you wanna know?" He is trying to be sly. You wanna see were this plays into. His eyes glance behind you.

"If you're gonna ask me if I'm dating Steve you would be wrong." You stated. "He was my best friend as a kid that I kept in contact with, plus he has a lot of stressed energy."

"So you're a hippie girl?" Billy said it as if he was fascinated by you. " Could you tell me what my energy is?"

"You're very hostile." You answered. "You are very tense, you have not relaxed since you have started talking with me. If this is some front you're putting on... I don't dig it." Billy was stunned.

"I'm not putting up any front." He retorted.

"Billy you seem like you have a lot of inner conflict with yourself, and don't try to say other wise." You said. "I already know about the stuff you've done around here and to Steve."

"What?" Billy is confused. "I thought you were into me but now you're giving me this psychoanalysis shit." Billy was clearly getting frustrated with you. So much so it was able to catch Steve's attention.

"Listen, I get some of the stuff I say is weird but I'm not wrong and you know it..." You said. "And I am into you but not if this front you're putting is what I'm getting."

Billy could not believe it. He was getting rejected, rejected by a beautiful girl. ' What the hell'...

"Billy." She cuts him out of his thoughts. "I would love you get to know you if you let me." She stepped closer this time, gently placing her fingers into his. She looked to him, he wants to answer but words aren't coming out of his mouth. 'Say something stupid... anything.'

"How about next Saturday, at 6... good for you?" He said this more gently this time. His frustration and building agitation was gone now.

"I would like that Billy." You answered with a smile, a smile that caused Billy to return. It was like a moment was set in place for you both. Billy could no longer hear the laughing or music, all he was looking at was you. There was something different about you, in a good way. Billy wants to know what that is. Your somewhat romantic moment was busted when a certain head of hair popped up next to you.

"Do we have a problem, Hargrove?" Steve asked. Not only did he get too distracted that Billy walked up to you but he seemed to have been in a sort of deep conversation with you. If you can call it that.

"No. No Harrington we're all good here, right sweetheart." Billy answered, he grinned.

"Yeah, we're fine Steve... I'll see you later Billy." You walked away with Steve. Well more like Steve dragging you to his car to leave after the interaction. You gave a small wave to Billy as you were dragged away.

"What was that all about?" Tommy asked drunk and confused.

"I think I got a date." Billy answered still looking off to were you left. In that moment Billy Hargrove had a thought he never thought he would have... 'I hope this works out.'

When you and Steve reached his car, he instantly went to mom mode.

"What was that about!" Steve shouted, frazzled at the look and thought of the two of you interacting.

"I think I have a date." You giggled. Steve paused...

"WhAT!"

............................................................................................................................

Okay so I'm gonna end it right there. Please tell me what you think, I would love to hear feed back. As well as what to do to improve myself.

Thank you so much for reading!

[pechaberriesandsoju]

Okay, so since a couple of yall are interested in this, I'll go ahead and say a few things. I'll put it under a read more though caus ei might ramble.

First things first, for those who don't know, I'm an ex catholic. I was born and raised in a Mexican Roman Catholic household in the middle of Texas. So you can imagine the amount of religion I had in my life growing up. I stopped being religious sometime before I graduated high school because I went to a private school that was connected to a church. And I mean heavily connected. The church was right upstairs. We had Bible classes first thing in the morning, Thursdays were our fridays, but instead of Bible class, we had like a meeting/seminar type thing where they put us through praise and worship and then sat us down in a dark room playing videos on Christianity and how the end of times were coming and you better have your act together for the rapture type shit. Didn't help that it was grades pre k to 12th. Anyways, this was also one of those schools where the main teacher/principal was gradually turning it into a cult for Jesus. How do I know? Because the rules for the end of the school trips got more intense and crazy and she insisted that only Christianity the church's way was proper. She'd get pissed at me for bringing up anything Catholic or that she deemed "evil." A 3rd grade kid brought a pet snake to school before he was picked up early? That snake is the devil and should never be brought near people or be a pet. The two Mexican students in your class are talking about how they're going to celebrate and honor the memories of their passed on loved ones for the Day of The Dead? Time to lecture them about how it's evil and the equivalent of using an ouija board for an entire class period instead of teaching them math. A student is wearing something that was cleared before the school year started and that even you had complimented yourself until a video about how anything about the supernatural or isn't related to God like Star Wars or Ghostbusters is evil? It is time to accuse that student of taking advantage of the other main teacher's wellbeing to trick her into saying yes with zero proof and when the student had a few witnesses and accuse the student of trying to brew chaos into the school.

It's the last two that happened to me personally and had caused a lot of shit before I reached 12th grade. Mom wanted me to switch schools, but I was already so far in that I just graduated out of spite. Especially because I was one of the incognito gays at the school that actually had the gall to sit there and stare her back down when she tried to sniff people out for trying to get into relationships at school. (First off, ew, Secondly, I was dating my ex online at the time lmao.)

I stopped being religious because of how I've seen how the people around me treated others who were a different religion or religious background. But also because I was getting sick and tired of the fear mongering about the end times. Especially because coming out of 2012, I had gotten intense end of the world fear cause of that December 2012 "world is gonna end" shit that happened while I was at my first middle school. So you can imagine how all of that would wear me down over time sitting in that school listening to them tell little kids and students "oh be good and follow the Lord cause the world is gonna end but also you need to do your work and focus on your future too!"

It made zero sense to me after a while, and I just was like "why should i believe any of you if you keep telling us our future plans won't matter cause God is coming for us but we still need to plan for future education?" It made zero sense.

Plus with how I was figuring out my identity at the time, and I had to deal with a lot of "you don't need medication" for a lot of health issues, including my own mental illnesses. It just made me stop being religious.

I kinda think maybe there's something out there cause humans are complex but at the same time?? It's just complicated because it just leaves a sour taste in my mouth and reminds me of the trauma I've gained.

Anyways that's some Peach/Zilla lore for you and is totally not why I give a few of my inserts religious trauma as well.

[literaticat]

This is a question about school visits / bookstore appearances. I know that when authors and illustrators are sent on tour, the Publisher is paying for that (it's publicity) and it's unpaid. But when arrangements for these kinds of visits are are made outside of that: How do authors and illustrators get paid? Do they invoice the school/school district? Do they get paid prior to or after the event? What's the deal with Author Village? Not much info online about how this actually works, and was curious about the inner workings of author visits. Thanks!

I've never been involved on the author side of school visits (though as a bookseller, I have sold books at them!), so I asked my client Kate Messner, who does a lot of them. She says:

"When authors do school visits that aren't part of a publisher-sponsored book tour, they typically charge an honorarium plus travel expenses and invoice either the school or the PTA (which often fundraises for author visits, among other things.) Most schools pay on the day of the event, though some make arrangements to mail a check afterwards.

Author Village is a booking agency that represents a number of authors & illustrators who do school visits. They book appearances for authors when schools and conferences approach them to ask about an author and take a percentage of the honorarium, just like literary agents do."

I could leave it at that, but idk, I can't help embroidering. You didn't ask about this, so Kate didn't answer it, but, it'd be smart to have a list of the different kinds of talks/presentations you are able and willing to give on your website -- these will range from short virtual presentations (that maybe you do for free or for a very low honorarium, for book clubs or classrooms who buy the book), vs in-person, different programs for different age groups, etc. Here are the different offerings Kate has on her site, for example. Author Brad Herzog has a lot of info on his site, too. Look up some of your favorite authors who you know do a lot of school visits, and see what kind of programs they do!

Also, it's best practices to have a contract / memorandum of understanding with the school. That will specify what YOU are supposed to be doing -- how many talks, how big a group, how long, etc. What happens if you (or they) have to cancel. And what THEY are supposed to be doing: Paying x amount, when they are paying, if they are covering travel expenses, providing lunch, making sure that any tech you need such as a projector and screen, or microphones, are set up, asking them to prepare the kids in advance, or making sure that they have made arrangements with a bookstore or have some way to provide books. (they may send an order form home with kids ahead of time and have a bookstore drop them off day of, or order in advance and have somebody there to sell them, etc-- but whatever they do, they should have it in the agreement so you are all on the same page.)

This is important because you'll find that different schools have different levels of experience with these kind of visits, and a poorly coordinated visit can be a real shit-show, so it's best to really make it CRYSTAL CLEAR what you are each doing, and what they need to do to prepare. That's not to say you can't be flexible, obviously different schools have different needs, but whatever you have agreed upon in advance should be memorialized in a contract signed by both you and them. Here's an example of Brad's contract. Here's an example of a generic one.

Re Booking Agencies: You don't NEED to have a booking agency, and most authors probably don't until/unless they are doing a LOT of school visits. I have clients who use the following (but I personally have no direct experience with any of these, I'm not vouching for them or anything, there may be other ones, no idea, but these are just ones that I have heard of!):

Author Village 

Booking Biz   

Booked Authors 

How Now Booking 

Also it would probably be smart to either make friends with a bunch of other authors who do school visits, or at the very least join a Facebook group or SCBWI group or something, so you have people to ask questions of who actually have experience doing this professionally, rather than me, a random agent who has never booked a school visit a day in her life!

(ETA: I'm adding this in the FAQ because it might be useful!)

[violetnerves]

The Rise and Fall of Jenny Hopkins, Aged 15 - Chapter 2: The Setup.

Ok, so this took me about a month and I feel bad about it. It really shouldn't have taken me that long since this chapter is mostly about the actual mission from the game plus some bits of Jenny's backstory. But here it is, and the editing on it is minimal at best. Constructive criticism would be appreciated.

Anyway, Content warning for some ableist language and sexism.

Word Count: 8799

My eyelids fluttered open as sunlight peeked through the blinds of the dorm windows, hitting my face and rudely waking me up. Just to really rub it in, my alarm clock went off. The ring rattled my ears, and I slammed my hand down on the stupid piece of junk.

I let out a grumble, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, followed by a yawn. Then my back started acting up, and I grumbled.

A single thought came to my mind.

'Why does school have to start so damn early?'

I heard Trisha sit up, obviously awoken by my loud alarm clock since her side of the room didn't have the sun shining on it.

It was odd that she looked more put together than she did yesterday, despite having bed-head that would put Bob Ross' afro to shame.

We met eye to eye, and for a bit, there was an awkward silence in the room. The only sounds I could hear were the outside movements of the other girls in the dorm getting ready for the day.

Trisha looked down, then back up to me again. She bit her lip. She gave me a pair of finger guns, in a bad attempt to, I assume, be funny to make the obvious tension in the room disappear. It didn't work.

"Hey... Jenny, right? Can we... talk about yesterday?"

I shook my head, getting out of bed and opening up the large dresser next to it. I tossed a white button-up shirt with the Bullworth Academy crest sewn into it on my bed, along with the blue plaid skirt, socks, and a bra.

I turned to give her the nastiest glare I could muster, mainly as a warning. Just to rub it in that I didn't want anything to do with her, I added in a small warning as I focused on putting on my uniform.

"Not interested, don't even bother."

"Aw... C'mon..."

I heard her get off the bed and start walking closer to me. Before she could get too close, my head snapped in her direction.

The sudden movement caused her to hop back a little, holding her hands up in front of her. I'd assume I looked pretty pissed off since the way she put her hands up was clearly defensive.

The only thing I could see her wearing was a long t-shirt with the name of some emo boy band that swamped her rail-thin body just above her knees. I didn't know if she was wearing any shorts underneath since the length of the t-shirt hid her hips. For some reason, she still wore those arm warmers from yesterday. Does she just not take those off at all?

"Look... About yesterday..."

I spat my reply out in the rudest way I knew how.

"Yeah? What? Oh yeah, no big deal. You were gonna record me getting my ass kicked by your buddies so you could all chuckle at it later over whatever crappy take-out food this dump of a towns' got! I already know about that, I don't need you to remind me, ya freak!"

This girl stared at me, lip trembling with those big, obnoxious, and freaky green eyes of hers looking like they were about to start bursting into tears at any second. Before I could tell her to just fuck off, however, the door to our room opened.

Mrs. Peabody walked in, dressed in what looked like the same outfit she'd worn yesterday - more than likely, she was one of those weird people who had multiples of the same clothes. She took one look at me, then over to Trisha. Compared to how she eyed me, it was similar to how you'd look at a dirty mutt compared to a disease ridden rat.

Sure, I wasn't very happy with Trisha... but the way the older woman looked at her in disgust just rubbed me the wrong way. She barely even tried to hide her contempt for the girl. Shit, even I don't think anybodys' has ever even looked at me like that, and i've been enough of a bitch in my life to warrant it.

"Is there something wrong, Miss Jane?" Mrs. Peabody's eyes were firmly on Trisha even though she was clearly talking to me. "Is she bothering you?"

I looked her in the eye and shook my head.

"No ma'am, we just... disagreed on something. S'not anything that important."

Mrs. Peabody didn't seem entirely convinced, but in response, she simply nodded and closed the door. I could hear the sound of her footsteps fading as she walked away, her muffled voice talking to one of the other girls in the building.

I sighed, shaking my head and slipping my pajama shirt off.

While tugging my bra on, I looked over to Trisha, who seemed a bit confused at the fact that I hadn't bothered to tell on her.

"What is it? What's with the face?"

It took her about a minute to actually say anything, and in that time, I was already halfway dressed.

"...How come you didn't tell on me?" Trisha asked, circling her fingers together nervously. I had to wonder why this girl was hanging out with those jerks. You'd think she'd be just another girl to pick on for them.

I shrugged, buttoning up my shirt with my neck tie undone and hanging around my neck. I didn't want to talk to her for longer than I needed to, so I kept my answers short.

"I don't like you, but with the way Mrs. Peabody was looking at you, I think she's way worse." I haphazardly tied my neck tie sloppily, not caring much for how it looked, nevermind what other people would think about it. "She seems like a nasty old hag."

Trisha seemed to chuckle a little at that.

"Oh, you have no idea... We can barely do anything in the dorm without old Peabody riding our butts about it... Well..." Trisha looked over at the door then back to me. "Unless you're Mandy Wiles, then you can basically do anything you want. The favoritism is unreal!"

Oh, of course Mrs. Peabody's got favorites. Old, bitter women like her tend to have them, mainly as a weird projection kind of thing. Some weird way to relive their youth.

Hm, well, since the girl is already blabbing, I might as well get some info about the other girls out of her. Gary had been more than generous with telling me all about the boys of the various cliques yesterday, but he'd been pretty quiet about the girls.

Which was odd, surely the girls around here had some kind of influence?

"Who's Mandy? Should I be concerned about her?"

Trisha didn't hesitate to nod and replied back, "Ooohhh, yeah, definitely! I wouldn't start anything with her. Not only is she Mrs. Peabody's favorite, but she's also a part of the most popular clique in the Academy! You'd be committing social suicide if you try and even push back against her picking on you!"

I rolled my eyes as I tied my neck tie, which ended up looking sloppily done by the time I was finished. Meh, if I get yelled at for it, then I get yelled at. I've been yelled at so many times for the dumbest things that it got to the point where I barely acknowledged it anymore, even if I had genuinely done something wrong.

"Yeah... she sounds real threatening. Look, if she tries anything with me, I'm giving her a swirly. It's pretty much my go-to method for knocking morons like that off their high and mighty pedestal. Getting your head shoved in a toilet can be a real humbling experience, lemme tell ya."

Trisha laughed nervously, fidgeting with her hands.

"Yeah... I mean, that's not a good idea, and I don't agree with you doing that... buuuttt, if you actually go through with that, can you make sure to tell me?" The blonde girl eyed me, almost pleadingly, and in a tone that seemed... oddly joyful in a sinister way, said, "I wanna see."

I shrugged half-heartedly, slipping my socks on.

"Eh, sure, why not?"

I shit you not, the girl squealed right in my ear, opened up her side of the dresser, and sprinted over to her bed to get dressed for the day. All in the span of what felt like a second.

"Ooohhh, I'm so glad we're friends now!"

I was taken aback as I stared at her, the abruptness of it all irritated me.

"Hey, hold on, no we aren't! Your buddies still attacked me yesterday and you were completely fine with filming it! I'm not letting that crap go!" I said, shaking my head at the audacity to try and act so casually given what happened.

Seriously, did this chick have the memory of a goldfish?

Trisha was in the middle of tugging her undershirt on as she looked at me with a sad "deer in the headlights" look. She did this odd mix of a groan and a whine as she did this overdramatic move of faceplanting on her bed.

She looked back up at me and clasped her hands together pleadingly.

"Can I please just make it up to you then? I can't have my roommate mad at me for the entire school year! It'd be so annoying!" Trisha replied, her night shirt getting waved around in the air as she gestured her arms wildly. "Please! I don't even have footage of you getting beat up! It was mainly footage of you beating them up!"

I tried to just blow her off, but... Trisha did have a point. Besides Trent and obviously Russell, I don't think any of those other bozos actually ended up getting a hit on me. Then again, none of them seemed to be particularly good at fighting anyway. In fact, they all seemed a bit caught off guard when I'd decided to fight back.

Hell, just from the bullshit i've had to deal with at my last 7 schools, I probably had more experience actually tussling with people than them, and that didn't even include those boxing classes my third step-father let me tag along to and watch about 3 years ago.

I sighed, rolling my eyes and grabbing my purse.

"Okay... Fine," I said, slinging my bag over my shoulder as I slipped my shoes on. "You can make it up to me... just don't be weird about it..."

I left the room, hearing Trisha yell out something that sounded like a hurried, "Don'tworryIwon'tbeweir-!" as the door shut behind me.

'Man, I think I might've been a bit too lax on her...' The thought popped in my head as I made my way down the double set of stairs, right past a red head and another girl with glasses gossiping about something I didn't care too much to listen into.

As I passed them, I couldn't help but feel like I was being watched, and I turned back to look at the two. They were still talking, though they were turned away when I definitely remembered them facing my direction as I walked past. Huh, weird. Had they been talking about me?

I wouldn't be surprised if they were, what with what went down yesterday. The new girl beating up an entire group of boys and only getting a bruise and a bloody nose out of it was definitely something that would get gossiped about for a while, maybe about a week. On one hand, it'd probably mean people would leave me alone, at least for a bit... but on the other?

Well, I didn't actually know, but it couldn't have been good for me. That was usually how things went, I'd always get the worst of it.

It was why I started to believe in the concept of past lives, as well as karma. I was probably a real ass in a previous life, and I was only now getting all the negative karma from it.

Mrs. Peabody stood by the front door with a piece of paper, clearly about to go on some spheel about something I didn't too much care about. I ignored whatever she was telling me as I grabbed the paper and stepped through the double doors of the building to the outside... only to be met with a loud, burly voice yelling in my direction.

"HI JENNY!"

The voice was bellowed out by Eunice, a girl I'd helped out yesterday during Gary's tour.

Some doofus with an overly long name that I couldn't be bothered to remember had stolen some chocolates from her that her folks gave her as a gift, so I offered to get them back free-of-charge.

It wasn't difficult, hell, I probably could've done it blind folded. I tracked the thief to the first floor boy's bathroom by following some tossed chocolate wrappers, gave him a swift punch to the gut, and swiped the box of chocolates back as the guy was left heaving on the floor. I guess there were worst places to blow chunks, even though his puke never actually ended up in the toilet bowl.

My "reward" for that simple errand was a hug. Not so bad, maybe just a bit awkward right? Wrong, my back still hurt like hell. I think she might've cracked something in my spine while doing that crap. If I were her, I'd consider a career as a chiropractor... Then again, she'd probably be terrible at it. That kind of stuff was supposed to make you feel good... and I definitely didn't...

I gave the heavy set girl a nonchalant wave, and she walked over to me.

Now... I had to give her this. She did have a nice smile, but man, that voice... I wonder if losing weight would make her sound normal...

Then again, probably not. There was a girl at my 5th school who sounded similar to Gilbert Gottfried without any real effort, that was just her natural voice, and that girl had been as thin as a twig. Some girls really did just get the short end of the stick.

The first one being that they were even born a girl in the first place. Seriously, why did being a girl have to suck so much? Not only do we have to deal with periods, but nobody takes us seriously at all!

Man, sometimes I wish I was a dude, not because I was "confused" about my gender or some crap like that, then people would actually respect me for once. Then they'd take me seriously when I knocked their teeth out.

"There's my main squeeze! How's it going, Jenny?" Eunice said cheerfully, clasping her chubby hands together in front of her chest.

We stood to the side of the archway leading into the large space around the building of the Girl's Dorm, and I noticed some of the younger, middle school girls passing by and giggling about something followed by them not-so-subtly glancing in my direction. Word really was getting around about yesterday, huh? But then, why were they laughing? Wouldn't they be in awe of me instead?

I shrugged, blowing a bit of air as I huffed and looked Eunice's way.

"It's Bullworth, so I guess it could be a lot worse."

Eunice nodded, giving a small smile.

"Yeah... I guess it could be worse, but... y'know, it could always get better too!"

"Uh huh..." I replied, leaning against a nearby stonework wall. I propped my foot up on the wall as I relaxed and just let her talk... up until she snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Yeah?"

Eunice put her hands on her hips, looking a bit frustrated. Shoot, how long had I zoned out?

"I said, do you want to go to class together? It'd be cool if we had the same one for first period, y'know, Chemistry? Mrs. Peabody should've given you your schedule by now."

My gaze shifted to the paper in my hand and, sure enough, it was my class schedule. Conveniently, Chemistry was the first class I had today.

"Yeah, I got Chemistry too. I guess walking together doesn't sound like a bad idea," I said, stuffing my schedule inside my purse, not caring if it ended up a little crumbled.

It's not like I had anything better to do, besides, if those Bullies bothered me again, Eunice could've been some nice backup to have for dealing with them. Or a good meatshield. Either way, there really was no downside to it. For me at least.

Eunice seemed pretty happy about walking together.

"Great! Let's go, I think the bell is about to ring!" Without hesitation, Eunice grabbed me by the hand and, with a ridiculous amount of strength, pulled me with her to Chemistry. Now, usually this would've put somebody in a bad standing with me, but with how strong she turned out to be, I was kinda reluctant on bitching at her about it.

Chemistry class wasn't anything out of the ordinary... Aside from the teacher being blazed out of his mind. Dr. Wattz was clearly high on his own supply, but I didn't know what he was even on. It could've been anything. There were a hell of a lot of chemicals in the room to choose from. I had to wonder if some of them were even allowed to be used around and by a bunch of inexperienced teenagers, especially the kind that attended Bullworth Academy.

You'd think a stoner teacher would be pretty nice, but Dr. Wattz was the opposite. I screwed up by pouring the wrong chemical into my beaker and causing it to blow up in a puff of grey smoke, so the old guy threw a hotplate at me. It didn't end up actually hitting me thanks to a personal lifetimes worth of having to avoid flying objects. Instead, it flew towards that big doofus Russell and shattered to bits the second it connected to his skull. Oddly, and a little bit horrifyingly, Russell didn't give much of a reaction to the heavy metal piece of machinery cracking against his head. Seriously, was that guy even human?

So yeah, Chemistry was kind of weird now that I think about it. If there was any proof that Crabblesnitch was in some pretty heavy denial about the actual state of the school he was running, then that teacher was a damn good example. I mean seriously, what's next? An alcoholic teacher barely hiding the fact that he's chugging a 40 out of a paper bag as he's clicking through a presentation shown on a projector?

...Ok, maybe that was a bit too outlandish.

The bell rang for lunch, and as I left the classroom with Eunice, she and I split up. She wanted us to eat together, but I wasn't really interested.

She tried her hardest to get me to go with her, but I told her I wasn't that hungry. That wasn't really true, but I heard there was gonna be chicken for lunch today, and judging by the state of the food I'd choked down yesterday, I wasn't keen on getting salmonella and God knows what else from eating potentially undercooked chicken.

I headed outside, beelining towards the vending machine. If there was anything still keeping me on this bitch of an Earth, it would probably be Beam cola. Nectar of the Gods.

I shoved a dollar bill into the money slot and pressed the first button, and a can of Beam cola dropped down the machine. The sight of that chilled blue can was like looking down at a clear pond after trekking through a barren desert for miles.

Well, ok, maybe not that great of a sight, but it was still nice to be able to drink one of these again. I hadn't had one in weeks, not since mom had refused to keep buying them since she thought they were the cause of me being overweight. Which... well, she probably wasn't wrong, but it's not like it wasn't her fault since she introduced me to these things in the first place.

Back when I was barely a toddler and being forced by mom into participating in those glitzy beauty pageants, she would pour about half a can of Beam Cola into my sippy cup for me to drink in the morning so I wouldn't act cranky or fall asleep. It'd do the trick, probably since an entire can of Beam cola had about 40% of the daily recommended caffeine. I had a lot of memories that were just of me sitting in front of a mirror and chugging it while mom got me prepared to go on stage.

Yeah... those were the days, when it was mostly mom and me after my grandparents passed.

I felt a frown form on my face as I pulled the tab on the can, and that familiar hiss of the pressure releasing stuck solidly in my head. Whenever I heard it, I didn't know whether to consider it a pleasant noise or a bad one. On one hand, I honestly hated having to do those stupid pageants, hated having all that crappy makeup plastered on my face and those dumb outfits I'd be forced into... But on the other hand?

At least back then, mom actually seemed happy spending time with me. Nowadays she'd rather be with her rich boyfriends or the occasional millionaire she managed to sucker into marriage way more than me.

A little, niggling thought that seemed to shrink by the day tried to convince me that mom was doing it for my benefit, that she was just trying to find the right guy that could take care of the both of us financially.

After all, if it had really been about the money, surely mom wouldn't have told me to pack up and leave with her after she actually saw the last man she'd conned cornering me in the kitchen to do god knows what? The guy ran a goddamn fast food franchise. He was loaded.

She had to care a little. I needed her to.

I'm not sure how I could take it if it turned out she didn't.

The can met my lips and I drank. Leaning against the vending machine, I was thankful there wasn't anyone around at the moment. I could already start to feel myself breaking a bit emotionally, and I was struggling just to keep all the cracked pieces together to put everything back to normal. It was like I was trapped in a constantly shaking room, trying desperately to fix this broken vase that just kept getting cracking into smaller and smaller pieces from all the force.

When I got to being reminded about what my last "step-dad" tried to do to me, it always screwed up my entire day. I was so used to being able to kick the ass of anybody that was dumb enough to cross me that the one time I couldn't fight back...

"Ah Hopkins, I've been meaning to talk to you about what happened yesterday."

I jumped a little and spilled some cola on the ground, turning to see Dr. Crabblesnitch walk out of the front door of the school building. He seemed to glance disapprovingly at the soda in my hand, though I wasn't sure whether it was because he thought I shouldn't be drinking it for whatever reason or because I'd spilled it.

'Wouldn't be surprised if it was the first one.'

"Something wrong sir?" I asked, holding the cola can by the top and casually letting it dangle at my thigh.

"Well no, not really. I wanted to speak to you personally about an incident with some of the male students that you were involved in yesterday, among other things..."

'Alright, here we go..'

"Yes sir? What about it? Am I in trouble?" I said in a slightly disinterested tone.

I already got this guy's gist the day I'd met him. He was just another old prick too stuck in the old days to even see what was going on with the younger generation.

"No, actually. I'm just curious as to why you went near the Boy's Dorm. You weren't trying to go in there, were you?" Dr. Crabblesnitch replied, his tone dripping with suspicion. It's like he was eager to get me in trouble for something.

Been there, done that, and got expelled from my third school because of it.

"I got my directions messed up, that's it. Shouldn't you be getting onto the guys who did this to me?" I pointed out the bruising on both my right cheek from Trent and the punch from Russell that had my nose swollen and inflamed. "It was Trent and Russell by the way. I don't know if Dr. Lamb told you, but it was them."

Crabblesnitch eyed my face, though I got a feeling of disinterest from him.

"She did inform me of those two in particular, and they've been given suitable enough punishments, however..." He went on, and the next thing he said made me want to wring his neck. "I don't entirely believe that you didn't purposefully walk to the Boy's Dorm because you weren't familiar with the layout, as Mr. Northwick informed me that you headbutted him the second you walked onto the school grounds. Is this true? I wouldn't put it past you looking for a fight... given your record..."

I got caught up trying to respond, the audacity of his statement leaving me absolutely perplexed.

"Yeah I did! Because he tried to take money from me!" This guy was seriously trying to tell me I was looking for a fight! It was my first day! The only thing I'd been looking for was the Girl's dorm! "Look, I know my record makes me sound like a real tool, but this place is full of bullies and maniacs!"

Dr. Crabblesnitch, again, seemed to wave off my criticisms.

"Oh nonsense. I'm sure he was just showing a bit of school spirit! Hijinks. I'm sure he was simply just trying to mess with you. Boys will be boys after all. It's perfectly understandable that you didn't quite get it, being a girl and all."

'UUUUGGGGHHHH. Thisplacewillbethedeathofme.'

I felt as though my brain was starting to leak out of my skull after hearing that, I nearly didn't catch the rest of his sentence.

He continued on as I took another sip of soda, the overly sweet liquid bringing me some respite from the bullshit spewing out of his mouth.

"Now, I want you to stop with this nonsense. It's unbecoming of a young lady to be so violent. I want you to behave yourself. Now, I've had a talk with Dr. Lamb, and we've both decided it would be beneficial if you visited her for counseling, starting tomorrow. Understood?"

'Ok. Good. Great. Just treat me like a nutcase I guess. As if i'm the problem here.'

Of course, I couldn't actually tell him that. I'd rather not get the world record for the quickest school expulsion in American history.

...Even if it was kinda tempting...

"Understood, sir. Can I go now?"

I wanted to just curl up in bed and yell into my pillow.

Crabblesnitch gave me a curt nod and straightened out his neck tie. As I waited for his response, I got the odd feeling that we weren't alone, as if somebody else was just around the corner. Odd.

"Good, be on your way then."

The Headmaster walked right back into the main building, and after the door shut behind him, I stuck my middle finger in his direction for a second. It was stupid, but it did make me feel a little better. If only I could do it to his face.

Alas, it simply couldn't be.

"Pfft, 'Good, be on your way' yeah, i'll be on my way..." I muttered to myself, mocking Crabblesnitch's tone, "I'll be on my way to putting my foot up your stupid a-"

"Hey!"

I turned my head to see Slingshot kid standing in front of the small set of stairs leading up to the main school building entrance. His nose had a gauze patch on it, with another one slapped on his forehead, underneath it was a large reddish purple bruise. I tried to remember exactly what I'd done to cause that, until I thought about when i'd pushed Tom into him. Must've landed on his face pretty hard when he fell apparently.

Gary gave me his name yesterday, during the tour. It was Davis White, I think?

Along with his name, I knew at least two things about him from what Gary had told me.

The first was that he was in his senior despite looking a bit on the younger side, he was even pretty short to boot, he couldn't have been taller than 5'4. In fact, he was supposed to graduate last year, but he was so deep into his bullying obsession that he'd purposefully gotten himself held back. Gary doubted Davis even wanted to graduate at all, which was bizarre to me. Being able to bully freshman couldn't have been worth spending yet another year in the hellscape that was an American high school.

The second was that he was basically the "brains" of pretty much every plan the Bullies had. Whenever they'd pull something, it was usually his idea. Another kid, Troy, was supposed to be the second-in-command since Russell liked him the most. But more often than not, when Russell wasn't around, it was either Davis or Trent leading, not him. An easy way to tell whether the idea came from Trent or Davis was fairly easy. For one, Davis wasn't nearly as straightforward with his schemes compared to Trent.

He had his clearly homemade wooden slingshot on hand, giving it a firm grip as he glared at me. Obviously, he was pretty mad at me, but at the same time, there was a sort of confidence to it, like he had something planned out.

"Oh, great. You again. Look, I don't-" I didn't get to finish my sentence before he started talking, his tone accusatory and aggressive.

"I saw you talking to Crabblesnitch. Trent and Russell already got detention because of you, you tryin' to get the rest of us in trouble?" Despite his aggression, he seemed to avoid getting any closer to me. That showed, to me at least, that he had some kind of common sense.

"What?" I said, turning toward Davis. "Shut up. They got what they deserved. Maybe take the hint and-"

He again didn't even let me finish. I saw him lift up the wooden slingshot in his hand, grabbing the rubber band with his other hand.

"Screw you new kid, this is what we do to snitches around here!" Davis lifted up the slingshot and aimed it at me, a pebble stuffed in the middle of the rubble band as he pulled it back.

"You better not-AAow!"

He let the band go, and the pebble struck me in the head. I dropped my Beam cola, which spilled on the ground at my feet.

Son of a bitch, I wasn't done drinking that!

As I got myself together, Davis had the biggest shit eating grin on his face as he let out a snide chuckle.

I grunted angrily, kicking the can away as my shoes were slightly saturated with soda.

"You-!" I snapped, and in response, Davis turned and began to book it to the right of the main school building, yelling back:

"Yeah! Come and get me fatso!"

Well shit! I might as well!

"Get back here!" I yelled back at him, sliding down the stairs railing as he ran ahead.

Was this guy in track? I'd barely turned the corner as he was already past the parking lot. At first, I'd figured that's where he'd been headed, as I recalled Gary mentioning that the Bullies tended to hang out there. They seemed the type to gang up on one person anyway. Instead, I followed him as he turned right again, headed to the path that led to where the Gym, Harrington house, and Shop class were.

Davis pushed past a kid in his way who I realized was actually Pete, who was sent toppling down the small set of stairs along with the stack of books and papers he'd been carrying. Surprisingly, Pete didn't seem much affected by the fall as he yelled out to me from the ground:

"I saw him! He went towards Shop class! To the right of the fountain!"

"I saw. Thanks anyway!" I shouted back at him as I ran past.

Pete could pick himself up. He didn't seem that hurt.

I took another turn and spotted as Davis ran through the gate that led into the Shop area. Just before it shut behind him, Wade ran through and confronted me.

"I'VE GOT HER!"

We collided with each other and ended up in a grapple, grabbing at each other's arms to stop the other from hitting them. As hard as he tried, he couldn't wrangle his arms away from me, but neither could I. The most I could do was try to knee at his gut, but my short legs either didn't connect or barely did so. My height was really biting me in the ass here.

"OHHHHH I'VE BEEN LOOKIN' FORWARD TO THIS!" Wade tried kicking at me too, but I was able to back off a little and avoid it, but only barely. I was stuck on how to get the upper hand until I noticed the nearby trash can that we just so happened to be slowly making our way towards.

Hm... That'll work.

"Yeah... So was I..." I said as a wide grin spread across my face. The unhinged glee Wade had had on his own face turned into a worried confusion as we were right beside the trash can. Without hesitation, I tossed him into the can ass first.

"HEY! I-I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU!" Wade cried as he tried to pull himself out of the metal trashcan. He didn't seem to be making much headway, though, in fact he seemed to be accidentally digging himself deeper in his attempt. Clearly, he wasn't used to being on the receiving hand of getting tossed into a garbage can.

"Better luck next time!" I called back, heading towards the metal doors into the Shop class area. Thankfully, it hadn't been locked, but it took me an embarrassing amount of time to realise the doors were supposed to slide open to the side. As they did and I sprinted in, I spotted Davis behind a fence taunting me.

"You're too slow! Hahaha!"

He took off again when I ran into the fence, grabbing it and seething in frustration until I realized it wasn't enclosed. There was an opening to the right of me, and without hesitation, I ran for the turn and followed after him.

It was odd to see the shop not be surrounded by all those Greaser dorks. Yesterday, after the tour of the main school building, Gary showed me around the entire campus. Those guys were scattered around the entire place like they owned it. We didn't stick around the area long, since the Greasers clearly hadn't wanted us there... well, aside from the fat one whose name escaped me at the moment.

That guy gave me some serious bedroom eyes as I walked by, and when I pointed it out to Gary, he laughed and told me about how that Greaser in particular was into fat women.

After learning that, i've considered going easy on the Beam colas from now on.

I heard the loud sound of a garage door slamming down and looked towards the source. At the back of the shop building was some kind of smaller building, presumably another garage. I figured I'd have a hard time trying to get it open, but surprisingly, the shutter door slid upwards without much effort.

I quickly found out why.

A 2x4 wooden plank was swung at me, and I barely managed to dodge it with a clumsy roll that ended with me stumbling back into the nearby brick wall of Shop class.

Ethan, the kid obsessed with ninjas that i'd gut punched yesterday, was the guy who'd swung the board at me. As I got up with my back flat on the wall, Ethan swung the board around in the air like he was swinging a sword, complete with making swishing sounds with his mouth. How the hell was this guy a bully? He's acts like a complete dork!

"Man- Ethan! Knock it off with that crap and just hit her with it!" Tom said from a back corner of the room. He seemed to be distancing himself as far as possible from me and Ethan, I'm assuming he was reluctant to get near me due to what happened the last time he did. Good, let him be afraid. If a lot of the jerks around here were smarter, they'd do the same.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Ethan turned his head and yelled back, stupidly holding the board right in front of me within grabbing distance. I grabbed for it, yanking the plank of wood out of his hand. As he whipped his head back to face me, I swung the board and hit him in the stomach. He doubled over, and I hit him with it again, this time in the back with enough force to break the board in half.

Ethan crumpled to the ground, and I threw the piece of wood I'd been holding to the back of me.

I looked up at Tom, and whatever expression I'd had on my face must've been threatening because instead of trying to fight back, he had decided to shove himself into the corner of the room.

I took a few steps closer, and without missing a beat, Tom grabbed a nearby wooden ruler and held it out in front of him defensively.

"S-stay away from me you crazy bitch!"

"You know, this really could've been avoided, but no. Maybe you should've thought a bit more before thinking it was a good idea to jump me with your buddies."

"It wasn't even my idea! It was all Davis!"

"Wow. I really don't care."

I ran up to brunet and smacked the ruler out of his hand, clocking him in the face. He fell onto a nearby wooden crate that shattered into a heap of wood. Barely had to break a sweat with that one. He laid flat on the concrete floor, moaning and whimpering.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to the other garage door that Davis had gone through, opening it as easily as the last one.

I stepped into the open area, getting confronted by Troy, the ginger kid who had absolutely no inside voice to speak of. Possibly the most absurd thing anyone has ever said to me came out of his mouth, and I was split between laughing or just smacking the shit out of him. Maybe both.

"I'M GONNA HIT YOU HARDER IN THE OVARIES THAN YOU HIT ME IN THE BALLS!"

He charged toward me, and without hesitation, I took the lid off of a nearby metal trashcan and held it out in front of me.

As he neared, I whacked the lid across Troy's face, and he anticlimactically fell to the ground with a loud thump.

That was easy.

I went further along and finally found Davis standing on top of a structure made up of what looked like garbage. He seemed far less confident than he had after launching that pebble at me.

He kicked away the ladder he'd used to climb up the structure, which left me unable to get up to him on foot without risking something going wrong. That structure didn't exactly look all that stable, and trying to grab on it probably would've caused the whole thing to fall over.

"You stay away from me!" Davis said, his tone betraying how scared he actually was.

I threw the trash can at him like a frisbee, and it hit him in the arm. He stumbled a bit but managed to balance himself, the structure creaking and shifting as it was on the verge collapsing on itself.

"Get away, you psycho!" Davis yelled, voice cracking mid-sentence. His hand grabbed onto the wall behind him for balance. I scooped a nearby brick off the ground and prepared to throw it at him.

"What's wrong? Can't take what you dish out?! Huh?!" I didn't give two shits if he was scared of me. Let him be. Maybe he and his buddies'll learn to finally not fuck with me after this. I didn't care how much I would end up hurting these jerks. If they insisted on bullying and harassing me, then they were pretty much asking for anything that happens to them.

I wound up my arm and threw the brick, which hit him in the jaw. That was enough. Davis stumbled back, and the structure couldn't take anymore of it. It collapsed in on itself as some of the trash that kept everything together tumbled out in multiple directions. I saw Davis jumping away from the collapsing structure with a yelp as the entire thing fell apart, falling on his face to the asphalt below.

As everything settled, Davis laid flat on the ground, letting out a quiet groan as he rolled onto his back. I walked over to him, and as I looked him over, I noticed the slingshot he'd shot me with in his front left pants pocket. Without hesitating, I grabbed it. Davis noticed this, though didn't seem to bother with getting up. I didn't doubt he was actually hurt. Hell, I'd probably broken something in his face just from tossing that brick at him. Given that entire ordeal he and his buddies just put me through, I personally couldn't muster up the care to feel bad about it.

Clutching at his face with one hand, Davis tried grabbing for the slingshot with the other, giving a weak protest to go along with it.

"H-hey!" Davis said with a pained groan, "That's mine y-you jerk!"

It clearly hurt for him to talk, and the part of his jaw I'd hit was starting to redden and swell up.

So I kicked Davis in that same area and swiped the slingshot from his hands. He began yelling and soon crying as he grabbed at his face.

I simply turned and walked out of the Shop area, passing by the other boys on my way there.

'I'm sure this'll come up during my talk with Dr. Lamb tomorrow...' I thought as I neared the fountain.

I was just about to sit down on the base of the fountain when I felt a pair of hands on me.

With a yelp, I was pulled back, feeling my back hit what felt like a guy's chest. His breath hit my ear, and that was enough to freak me out. In my panic, I kicked back at whoever it was and connected with what felt like his kneecap.

"Yow! Hey! What's wrong with you?!" From the voice I realized it was Gary of all people, and as I backed away and turned around, I saw him clutching his left leg. I wanted to slug him in the jaw, but since my energy was spent from earlier, I yelled at him instead.

"W-what's wrong with me?! What's wrong with you?! Do you just grab girls like that all the time?!" I yelled back. What even was his thought process? Did he think I'd just be ok with it or something because I didn't hate him?

I was really starting to regret letting this guy off easy calling me a cunt. I couldn't even remember why I'd let him off the hook in the first place.

Gary winced a bit as he rubbed at his leg, clearly still a bit miffed. He straightened himself out and glared at me.

"Geeze Jen, I was just trying to scare you a little, you know, to be funny. I didn't think you'd freak out about so much," Gary put his hands up in a lax but defensive way. He got right next to me and casually put a hand on my shoulder. "Anyway, what's up? You're a bit jumpy today. Did something happen recently?"

I moved my shoulder to get his hand off of me, and before he could respond, I replied to his previous question.

"Those douchebags jumped me again because Trent and Russell got in trouble for what happened yesterday, Davis shot a pebble at my face and lured me into the Shop area where the rest of them were waiting to gang up on me," I showed Gary the slingshot briefly before stuffing it into my purse, "I also took Davis' slingshot. Mostly because I could."

"Aw, you beat them up again? And I didn't get to see it? You know, that's really inconsiderate of you Jane, you should've told me so I could've watched. I probably hate those morons the most out of every neanderthal in this place."

I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, ok, Gary. I'll be sure to let you know beforehand if I get jumped again. I'll even set out a nice chair for you to sit in too. Would you like that princess?"

"Yeah, that sounds nic- Wait, what did you just call me?"

"Huff huff JENNY!"

Trisha came running from the single back door of the main school building, barely avoiding bumping into me and Gary. She bent over to catch her breath for a second. Her hair was messier than it usually was, presumably from her sprinting.

She looked up at me with her makeup smudged face and spoke at a mile a minute... which, as a claim, only made any sense if you were around to hear her while she was talking.

"Jenny!Theguysaregonna-!" Trisha went quiet as soon as she spotted Gary, who, as he had laid eyes on her, sneered in disgust.

"Ugh, what is she doing here? Hey, short bus, don't you have something better to do other than polluting my air? Like whoring yourself out to those Preppies to buy all those dumb anime figurines you have!" Gary said, practically shouting out the last part of his sentence for anyone nearby to hear... At least they would have if Trisha hadn't starting screaming after Gary uttered the word, "whoring".

I covered my ears and yelled:

"Trisha! Gary! CUT IT OUT! GEEZE!"

Trisha stopped with the screaming, but Gary was more than happy to continue talking.

"Why do I have to quit talking? I didn't do anything, I just asked a question, come oooonnnnn Jenny," Gary visibly pouted, as if he thought he could guilt trip me or something. I wasn't having any of it. Instead, I turned back to Trisha.

"Lemme guess, you were gonna warn me about your buddies jumping me near Shop class, am I right?" I folded my arms, tilting my head quizzically at her.

She seemed amazed by the fact that I was already aware.

"Uh... Yeah? How'd you know?"

"Because I literally just beat them all up. Again. Look."

I turned and pointed in the direction of Shop Class, and the first thing I noticed was Wade still being stuck in the trash can. He'd seemingly given up on trying to get out of it, pitifully looking down and probably waiting for one of his friends to pull him out. But instead of it being one of his friends, it would end up being Trisha.

I turned back to her.

"The rest of the boys are inside the Shop area, so have fun dragging them all out of there I guess..." Suddenly, a realization came to me, "Trisha... How come you only just now tried to warn me about what the Bullies were planning? Seems like a weird coincidence that you got here right after it all went down..."

Trisha suddenly appeared a bit nervous, but before she could speak, Gary decided to butt in again.

"Yeah... What is it, Trisha? Upset that my good pal Jenny here caught onto your act? C'mon, answer you whore!" He prodded Trisha in the shoulder, which only seemed to make her even more nervous than she already was. It was also clear that Gary's slut shaming was also getting to her, and it drew a line with me that I knew I had to put a stop to.

"Gary, knock it off, seriously."

Gary groaned and turned away.

"Finnneeee..." He turned his head briefly to talk over his shoulder, "Trisha should explain herself though. I'm telling you Jen, she might be hiding something."

"I do have an explanation actually Gary! So shut your gap-toothed, wannabe know-it-all ass up!"

I was at my limit. Without an ounce of hesitation, I grabbed the two of them and knocked their heads together.

"Yow! What was that for?"

"Ow, Jenny, stop! My old therapist told me I have enough brain damage!"

"Just. Talk. Trisha! And shut up, Gary!"

Gary, for once, seemed to be able to stay quiet as Trisha began explaining herself.

"Ok, so I got in trouble for drawing during Algebra 3 class, so I got sent to lunch detention where Russell and my brother Trent were because of that whole thing from yesterday. Well... the teacher watching over us, Mr. Burton stepped out for a little bit, so we all started talking and stuff. I mentioned to Trent about how you ended up as my roommate, and he told me about how Davis planned to lure and jump you at the area around Shop class during lunch with the rest of the guys. I tried to sneak out to warn you, but Mr. Burton came back, and he wouldn't let me leave even though I'd already finished my lunch. But then Russell got mad about something, and so got Burton was distracted by that. So here I am!"

Huh, yeah I guess that made sense. So Trent is her brother then? I thought those two looked a bit similar. I guess that explains why she even hung out with those bozos.

"You really expect us to believe that? Don't be so gullible Jen, she's clearly trying to cover her ass."

"Gary!"

"What?"

"I'm telling the truth! Seriously!"

"I know! Ugh, just... just go pick up your buddies off the pavement and leave!" I pointed towards the Shop area, then looked over to Gary, "We need to talk..."

Trisha seemed more than happy to leave, even giving Gary a quick glare as she jogged away towards Wade. I gave Gary a glare of my own, but just like with Trisha's, it didn't seem to bother him much.

"Gary, what the hell was that?"

"Whatever do you mean, Jane? I'm just looking out for you. You'd do the same for me, wouldn't you?" he tilted his head, his face looking almost like a whipped dog. It didn't make him look all that sympathetic, though. I actually wanted to slug him in the face even more than I previously did.

I shook my head, still looking up at him angrily.

"Gary, she's my roommate. I can't just start beef with the girl i'm sharing a room with," I responded, trying to relax a bit. Gary was making that a bit hard though, what with him making probably the most punchable face possible at the moment. He was really bad at trying to look innocent.

He let out a defeated "tsk" and folded his arms.

"You really got stuck with her as a roommate? You have my pity, Jane, seriously... But fine, I won't agitate her, in fact... she could probably be a bit useful to us later... As long as you can stomach being nice to that spastic attention whore..."

That last bit of his sentence before the insult gave me a bit of pause. Useful? What for?

"Useful?" I asked, "For what? You make it sound like you're planning something big. Mind tellin' me about it?"

A knowing smile stretched across his face. I'd been a bit preoccupied with... uh, "admiring" it that him touching me on the shoulder as he guided me down the steps and towards the direction of the parking lot hadn't registered at all.

"Yes, useful. I can't say much since i'm still working out the details, but there's no need to worry your little head about all that... Now, c'mon, how's about we work on your aim with that slingshot you've got there? I know just the perfect place to practice..."

[dimonds456-art]

vent art below the cut, as well as an explanation for it. it's a mess on purpose. read the tags.

Starting off positive, here's how I draw myself now :) Style improvement! And my mustache hairs are growing in and one of them is over a centimeter long and it's my pride and joy.

okay now onto everything else. fucking help me. /ns

Gonna start with the butterfly imagery, since it's a reoccurring theme when I talk about my disabilities. The butterfly is because of my Graves Disease, which is a subgenre of hyperthyroidism. What's that? Uh basically there's a gland in your throat called the "thyroid" that's shaped like a butterfly, and it's responsible for your ENTIRE METABOLISM, and mine decided to do cocaine one day and never stopped. This results in increased heartrate, shaky hands, dizziness, and an eye disease where your eyes swell and can make you go blind if not treated.

(and no mine is not currently being treated so. :) )

I've had Graves since middle school, and I will for life. For reference of how bad it got before I got treated after 6 months of suffering, if I ran around outside for 5 minutes my heart rate could get up to 220 BPM. Which can kill you. Somehow I only ever saw stars once.

The next imagery I wanna point out is the layers on me. I show some things as brighter, and there's two layers like that- a bright one and a much dimmer one, which is why I kept this a sketch. The bright one is the surface-level disabilities, such as joint weakness, my eye disease, and my swollen thyroid. The dimmer one is my brain and skeleton. I have never actually broken my bones, but for some reason these days, joint weakness has me and they'll just fucking stop working sometimes for no goddamn reason.

The diamonds on my shirt is obviously a reference to my name, "Dimonds456." The design was actually made by my abuser, and so I actually am starting to have some second thoughts about using this particular design despite how much I love it, thus the shattered idea. Plus, diamonds don't break- they shatter. I'm about to shatter, too, so it's just like me fr.

After that, the text all around me. There are three layers. Let's talk about the black ones first. Those are all my disabilities. That's it. To make it easier to read, they're:

Autism

Anxiety

PTSD

Mental regression (probably because of all the other mental shit I'm dealing with)

Depression

ADHD

Weakness in joints

Inhaler as needed

Tires easily

Abuse

Graves Disease

On meds for life (methimazole literally keeps me alive)

Eye disease

Prone to falling

Eating disorder: ARFID ?????

Asthma

Audio processing disorder

Trauma

:,)

Then, the blue layer. The blue and red layers and kinda having a conversation with each other, with blue being my inner monologue and the red ones being still that, but more intrusive and hopeless. The blue thoughts range from "I can't do this" to "I want to," to "Wait, this is too much" to "STOP" to "THIS IS TOO MUCH" and various stuff like that.

The red texts are much, much more negative. "Running out of time." Never safe. I will never feel safe." "My own body wants me DEAD." "NEVER SAFE." "WHAT IS SAFETY?!" these are my intrusive thoughts, and... yeah. My anxiety and trauma already make me feel like I can never be safe in the spaces I'm in, so when I do actually feel safe with the people or location I'm in, my body's there to remind me that no, I'm not. Because I could literally just die at any goddamn moment.

Which brings me to the scythe. The Reaper. He's close. I'm running out of time. To do what? I don't know, live? Impact people? Fucking exist?

The clock shows that, too.

Finally, the dialogue bubbles. The straw that broke the camel's back in terms of me making this art. My recent doctor visit. I'm trans. I'm a demiboy who just wants to figure out what my fucking gender is. I know I want top surgery, but the dr says I HAVE to start HRT in order to get the surgery I want, which is enbyphobic. I've talked about it with other trans people, and we all agree what the dr told me was fucked.

The other bubbles are other things people have said to me. Particularly, I wanna talk about the "are you ACTUALLY disabled?" one because so so so so so many people have fucking asked me that and I want to scream. Like gee, I dunno, maybe it's all in my head. Maybe I'm normal. Maybe my graves disease was all a FUCKING DREAM. The eating disorder I'm getting now that not even the doctors are sure what the fuck it is wasn't real, I'm just a picky eater and I am just a fucking attention-seeking masochist. SURE. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

Shut the fuck up.

The butterfly is actively choking me. I'm loosing weight. I've felt more anxious recently than I ever have in my fucking life. I have a goddamn eating disorder where I physically CANNOT EAT. It sounds like ARFID but it's also not quite that, I'm in a weird grey area.

i'm 20 years old.

Ever since I got diagnosed with Graves in middle school, I've felt like my existence was defying something. Like I was supposed to die. I also had intense depression at the time, so that definitely added to it, but yeah. Then more happened. I had my first fall. I got put on the wrong dosage and nearly got killed. Struggled to breathe. My eyes tear up more often due to the disease, and I have an aversion to light I didn't have before. The eating disorder. Not to mention my bad knee, weakness in joints, pain in hips, ect.

It just keeps piling up. More, and more, and more, and more disabilities appear and try to catch me by surprise. I got deathly ill last winter. I quit college this year because of the trauma of being outside while on my wrong dosage from last summer. But this time, I'm fucking freezing when I'm anywhere except in the sun, which still makes me feel viscerally uncomfortable, because of whatever the fuck is happening with my eating disorder.

I'm so fucking tired. I don't know how much farther I can go. I'm running out of time. I can't handle another disability. I just can't. If I wind up getting appendicitis or something I'm running back home to my parents and staying there because at least they make me feel SAFE.

I'm not safe. I will never be safe inside this body. I will never feel safe because of my anxiety and trauma. I'm reaching a boiling point where it's starting to spill over onto those around me and I hate it. I am aware that this post is not helping that at all. But... I just don't wanna suffer in silence anymore. I'm tired. I want to be a good memory, but I fear my time is coming and I don't have much more "memory" to make.

I want to be wrong. Please, stars, let me be wrong. Let this all be in my head. Let this all be one big misunderstanding on my part. Please. Please let me wake up and realize that this was all a fucking nightmare.

I can't look at this screen anymore. My eyes hurt and my wrists are starting to give out.

[your-queer-dad]

(Vent sorry, not about queerness I just have nowhere else to say this where I'll get any sort of response)

Ive been having to deal with so much stuff lately. Like I was fine when I was in the midst of severe depression cause I didn't think I'd live very long anyways but now I need to come to terms with everything I've been ignoring for at least a year and at most my whole life. Like I'm AuDHD in a decently ableist family (middle/working class white cishet moderate leftists who think they're very progressive, you know the type) and I've had absolutely shit experiences with the people who should be helping me with that stuff (my old therapist was actively uneducated and ableist, my psychiatrist was a white cishet man in his 60s or 70s and I had to teach him what masking is and how adhd and autism present in AFAB people) which makes that really difficult in general because all my friends know I have AuDHD but I can't officially come out and say that I do because my family will deny it and tell me I'm being attention seeking and looking for excuses for being lazy and a flawed person. I also don't physically look the way I've been convincing myself I look naturally for a long time (yay anorexia recovery) and it's just messing me up a lot because when I look at my reflection I just feel visceral disgust. I'm still on the lower end of a healthy weight, but I can only see a few of my ribs now and my stomach isn't flat anymore. Everyone else says they can't notice but I feel like I've lost everything that made me good, and I'm scared that gaining weight is going to stop me from passing. I hate being with my parents and I just feel like I'm a horrible person for that, I only got hit once and other than that they're just toxic and sort of manipulative/emotionally abusive. They try their best they just can't raise me right and I feel like shit for that. I wish I could be spending more time outside, but I had a medical emergency thing on Tuesday (my mom doesn't let me call it a seizure because we don't know for sure) and I'm scared that that's going to happen again, and my constant joint pain has just gotten worse. My friends are telling me that I need to talk to a doctor about this, but the wait time for rheumatology is insane and my parents thing I'm making it up/exaggerating/looking for attention and even if they believe me they don't think it's important and worth getting help for. I'm scared that I'm going to die, last time it happened my entire body went numb and stiff and I couldn't move and I was just twitching for like 15 minutes. I also completely lost my vision before this happened, and it was greyscale/coming back slowly for the entire thing, plus I could barely hear anything. If that happens again I genuinely think that I might die. I also have scars all over my legs and chest and I have to either hide them or find some sort of explanation for them that won't make the people I work with during the summer think I'm not suited for working with kids (summer camp counseling). I spent all of last year thinking I was never going to turn 15 and now I kind of wish I hadn't.

I want to live but it's all so overwhelming and if I falter or let my parents see that I'm scared, they'll force me into the role of a small child and start treating me like a toddler or an animal like they always do. I just don't know what to do and I know it's horrible and selfish and disgusting but I just wish my mom would die. I can't live like this, it's only 3 more years but I'm just so scared. She keeps threatening me and saying I won't get into college or I'm failing high school because of how long I was out of school due to psych ward stuff even though she knows that not getting into college is my main fear- if that happens, I can't keep going. I know that I'm going to kill myself if I can't get into college. After that I'm still going to need to pay off student loans and I might not have my best friend with me (if I have him ill be okay and he says that he promises he'll try to live with me in college) and I just can't deal with that. I need to catch up on school and I need to learn to drive and then I need to get ready for my job in the summer and I need to make sure my grades are good enough for colleges to want me and I need to get people to like me and I just can't do it. I don't want to die but I feel like it's the only answer, I'm just not capable of doing this. I'm not supposed to be alive. I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Sorry about the rant you don't need to answer at all I know this is a lot

-🔆

Hey kiddo. Please please don't apologise for reaching out, I'm here for you and I'm always here for you, night and day my inbox and DMs are always open to anyone who needs to talk.

God, it sounds like you've had a rough deal. I understand where you're coming from. With parents, it's so hard when they don't do what they're supposed to do as parents and they don't understand you or believe you when you ask for help. It's awful and I am so sorry.

From the sounds of things, it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself, as well as all that pressure around you. As scary as the future is, it isn't going to creep up on you one day. It's tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and the day after that and every single day after that. You have time to breathe and rest and do whatever you need to do. You can't do everything at once, you're only human- and expecting yourself to do everything at once only caused burn out and stress.

Also, as a person who's gone through eating disorder recovery- weight doesn't stop you from passing. I promise you it doesn't. It's a good thing! It's a sign that all the work you've done recovering has paid off. I'm proud of you.

Keep your head up kiddo, I'm so so proud of you. Remember to take care of yourself, let yourself breathe and don't expect yourself to do everything all at once. I'm here anytime you need to talk.

Love you,

- dad x

[heartshattering]

/// more breaking down

Honestly I just feel like I'm going crazy because no one in the family seems to think there's anything wrong with how my life is set up. It just is how it is. I don't "need" to go anywhere outside the house. I don't "need" to have a job or keep studying, the only thing I need to do is take care of my mom and everything else is a distraction. I don't have any friends who live near me, and no opportunities to make new friends, but that's okay because my main responsibility in life is just to take care of Mom and nothing else.

I've never had a "real" job, because there's always some issue with whatever job wants to hire me. Too many hours outside home, too far from home, not "elite" or "prestigious" enough, etc. Like. No mall jobs, because my mom says those are too "low-class". No working at a school because that would take too many hours out of the day and my mom needs me the most during morning/afternoon, so I can't do it. The research lab that picked me for an internship was too far away so I couldn't do that, either. Basically everything is either 1 - "not good enough", or 2 - takes too much time out of taking care of my mom. Then, "no" to furthering my education also, even though I'm at a fucking loss as to what to do with myself.

It just sucks I basically wasted my life getting the best grades I could in university, earning two bachelor's degrees plus additional certificates and other shit, just for it all to be worthless. I had people say they were excited to see where I was going with my career and everyone always acted like I had this wonderfully bright future ahead of me, but it's all bullshit. I want to throw up thinking about how fucking pathetic I actually am. My only outcomes are jail, institutionalization, or death. The fucking nurse herself said it to my face. The mental health professionals at the psychiatric center said I was too unstable for them to deal with and that there really isn't anything that can be done for someone like me and told me I wasn't allowed to come back. If I lived somewhere else, euthanasia would have likely been recommended to me already. I just feel so empty and sick, I don't want to keep having to deal with feeling like this all the time.

[randomvarious]

1996 New York City Playlist (YouTube)

Alright, folks, I was dealing with a virus over this past week, but I think I'm finally over it, so I'm gonna start easing back into things with this post here. This week we have an update to an eclectic playlist I've been slowly building up that deals with New York City in the year of 1996. On a mainstream level, the stuff that really seemed to make New York pop back then was the hip hop, with people like Jay-Z, Notorious B.I.G., and Bad Boy Records exploding on a national level. But underneath all of that, of course, was a whole lot of other shit too, which included not only hip hop, but many other genres and scenes as well. And as of right now, this is a little showcase of some of that obscure New York City underground.

So with this small update, we bring in a little bit of groovy, old school disco-flavored house music, courtesy of the thoughtful Daniel Wang, who was living in the East Village back then and running a neat label called Balihu that spit in the face of a lot of the other more trendy and mindless house stuff that was popular back then, like those big and gay tribal tunes. But this song by Wang that I've added this week, "Free Lovin'," doesn't actually come from his own Balihu label; instead, it was released under his briefly used Morning Kids moniker, and issued on a small and ultimately ephemeral UK label called Monkey Fruit. It samples a section from a 1980 disco tune called "I Love It," by a band from Virginia called Trussel, who only ever released one album. And what Wang did with that sample, by working it into his own very unique house tune, was so dope that the great Dimitri From Paris included it on his own elite house mix the following year: Monsieur Dimitri's De-Luxe House of Funk. So the exact version of "Free Lovin," as it appears on that mix, is the one I've added to our little trip through New York City in 1996 this week 😋. Plus, it only has a little over 1,000 plays!

Morning Kids - "Free Lovin'"

And this playlist is also on YouTube Music.

So with this small update, our playlist is now at 12 songs that clock in at 54 minutes. We've got a little breakbeat, some hip hop, a bunch of funk, a morsel of ska-core, a couple tracks from Brooklyn's niche illbient scene, a piece of jungle, and now some house music too!

And next week, we're going back across the pond!

Enjoy!

More to come, eventually. Stay tuned!

Like what you hear? Follow me on Spotify and YouTube for more cool playlists and uploads!