#pod (squish)

[duplodinosaurs]

[lotsadeer]

@teal-deer @cellobuster @sexiestpodcastcharacter

Spanks and Husky won their rounds and so what better way to celebrate than together!

Spanks may have severe depression, but it's nothing being squished under some big tiddies won't fix.

[specialagentartemis]

trick or treat!! 🎃

Unfortunately I cannot stop thinking about Daemon AU. FORTUNATELY FOR YOU I cannot stop thinking about Daemon AU.

Have some Network Effect panic times.

---

“I don’t know,” Overse said, “I don’t know, the internal comm is down—”

“Are we damaged?” Ratthi asked.

“I mean, the internal comm is down because the router was on the baseship and the baseship left us,” Overse said.  Her dragonfly daemon zipped around in frantic, angry circles, and Ratthi had to resist the instinct to swat at it.  He was distressed, because Overse was distressed, and that was because they didn’t know where Arada or Amena or SecUnit were—

Ratthi’s own daemon dug her little claws into his shirt.  He scooped her up and held her, distractedly.

“So the question is,” Ratthi said, grimly, “how long do we wait?”

“How long until they breach the hull?” Overse fired back.  “There are a dozen alarms going off already, how will we know—”

She was cut off by the rising sound of hoofbeats coming down the corridor; Overse’s heart leapt in her throat, both relieved at the familiar sound and anxious because why hadn’t Arada been on the baseship—

She knew why, of course.  Neither of them wanted to be the one to leave SecUnit behind.  But Overse still wished her wife was safe on the baseship and not careening toward the raiders here.

Arada turned the corner, crouched low over the back of Dela.  One advantage to having a pony daemon—“one of the few,” Arada would joke, even as Dela snorted through her nostils affrontedly and Arada would have to laugh and pet her daemon’s nose to mollify her.  Dela’s hooves clattered and skidded on the slick metal floor.  She stopped short, reared, and pranced anxiously as Arada slid off and stumbled over to hug Overse.  “Babe!” she said.  “The baseship—they detached—”

“I know,” Overse said, “I know.  We need to get out, now.”

Arada hesitated.  “If SecUnit and Amena are still here—”

It hurt to say, but it was true.  “—it would tell us to get to the safepods.”

Arada took a breath, but nodded.  “It would.  And—”  She glanced back.  “There’s only one safepod that will fit Dela.  There’s only one place it knows we’ll be going.”

“Where are the oversize safepods from here?” Ratthi asked.  None of them had expected to need the safepods, but also, Ratthi’s daemon was a squirrel; she was currently hiding under his shirt.  He wouldn’t need to remember where the standard-requirement oversized pod for people with large daemons was.

But, whether as Survey Lead or as someone with an entire pony she needed to evacuate, Arada did.  “Port side pod bank, aft end,” she said, already taking off again.

Overse’s daemon landed and nestled in her hair.  Overse and Ratthi took off to follow.

——

They waited as long as they could for SecUnit and Amena.  They never showed up.  SecUnit had no daemon and Amena’s was still unsettled so they could have headed for the starboard pod bank, or done some wild different maneuver that SecUnit had come up with, but it hadn’t come here, and the local feed warnings were flashing an alert that the hull had been breached.

Arada gave the command.  “We need to get out.  Now.”

The pod wasn’t spacious, and with three people and a pony crammed in it felt even less so.  And launching off from the ship would have its own dangers.  The port side faced the raider’s ship; they’d be launching in their direction, rather than away.

Arada made a note to bring up with Station Security the real need for multiple oversized safepods per ship, after all this was over.

(She had to believe it would be over soon and smoothly and with everyone safe.  She had to.)

But before she cycled the hatch closed, a voice echoed down the hallway, “Wait!”

They all turned sharply.  “What—?” Ratthi began.

Thiago—what was he doing still here?—sprinted up towards them.

“Dr. Lesmana—” Ratthi began, and Overse said “Thiago, what are you doing?”

Arada had the presence of mind to say, “You weren’t with Amena?”

“I couldn’t find her!”  He was obviously coming apart with distress about this.  Overse didn’t like this—where was Amena? Where was SecUnit?—but wherever they were, she was sure SecUnit could take care of the situation better than she could by wandering through the lab dome, so as Arada frantically gestured she just said “Come on, then, get in, we need to leave!”

And Thiago still balked.

“Come on,” Overse said, and Thiago hesitated, and asked, “Are you… all right with that?”

“What?” asked Ratthi, and Overse stared at him.  It was Arada who went, “oh!” and Dela, quick on her heels, addressed Thiago, “Yes, I don’t mind, get in.”

It belatedly occurred to Overse that with the limited space in the pod, it would be almost impossible to avoid squishing up against Dela.  She and Ratthi already had been, barely thinking about it; they’d both been cheerfully snuggling with Dela for years, and she enjoyed when they stroked her side or pet her nose.  But if Thiago was going to die for propriety—

Arada disentangled herself from the pod, grabbed Thiago’s sleeve cuff, and dragged him in.  His little black terrier daemon scrambled in to follow.

“Sorry,” Thiago mumbled, as he ended up pressed awkwardly against Dela’s flank.  Dela nickered sarcastically and met Arada’s eyes.

“Be nice,” Arada said.  Then to Thiago, “In all likelihood I’ll trip over yours before we’re out of here, so I guess fair is fair.”

“Maybe,” Thiago mumbled, and Overse didn’t care because she pulled down the lever that sealed the pod with a clank, tried to avoid crushing her daemon as the pod detached and the gravity shifted (wouldn’t that be an embarrassing way to go), and then the pod launched out into space, toward the baseship.

[cherryozyi]

I remembered Pod didn't like pickles and immediately started drawing

[caroller]

Wanted to doodle the funny amoebas from the Squish comic! Used to be obsessed with these guys, so I wanted to do a little doodle of them. (Excuse the big canvas size pls)

(The corner drawing is my fav, world is ending and all they can do is stare in horror, except Peggy of course!)

[purple-to-my-tangerine]

HartLife board of directors I want so badly to absolutely eviscerate you you pompous self important greedy insensitive corporate pricks. You’ve convinced yourselves you hold power equal to gods and I wish for your hubris to fell you sooner rather than later

So anyway I’ve decided to start listening to ofc again,

[kikidoul]

── NEEDY DISTRACTION.

ヾ(´︶`♡)ﾉ 심재윤 x fem! reader ᥫ᭡ warning explicit sexual content established relationship not proofread unprotected sex (wrap it up pls) cockwarming needy! jake (what else is new) usage of petnames degrading (usage of the word slut like twice?) hair pulling . . .!? 1093 — mlist.

note. hope you know jake at coachella changed my life and opened a new world to me. i seriously need to focus on desire unleashed whoops. taglist. @tfwbluu @hoonstqr @riqomi @bloomiize

To Jake, this was pure torture for him. He felt like this was unfair, unreasonable and most importantly; stupid. No matter how hard he begs you, trying to appeal to you, to get to your good side and even going the extra mile of using his signature puppy eyes on you, you were stubborn. But your boyfriend can be just as stubborn as you are. Perhaps the saying ‘peas in a pod’ can be applied here, right?

“C’mon, please please please? I’ll be good!” Jake whined, nuzzling into the crook of your neck with his lips brushing against your skin. 

You sighed, not turning to face him as you continued typing away on your laptop. “Jake, I already said no. I’m busy and I need to finish this project today.” 

“But you’re always busy! You’ve barely paid me any attention today!” He complained, sounding akin to a kicked puppy. Normally, you would have cooed and teased him but at the moment, you have more crucial matters to focus on. 

“The moment I give you my attention, you’re going to hog me away from my work, Jaeyun. Seriously, since when did you turn into a sex addict?” You retorted, slapping his hand away when you felt it snaking its way past the hems of your shorts, eliciting a pained yelp from him. 

“Since I started dating you. Pussy so good it got me craving for more,” he mumbled, his words alighting a fire in your stomach but you refused to show any signs of how it affected you. 

“...Fine, I can cockwarm you, but that’s it. Nothing else. The moment I feel you moving, you’re out,” you relented, light-heartedly rolling your eyes at the sound of victory he made. 

Jake eagerly helped you shimmied your way out of your shorts and panties, hands clumsily fumbling to pull his sweatpants off. You snort, amused when you saw how he wasn’t wearing boxers and braced your hands on the table, allowing him to align himself against your entrance. A shaky sigh left your lips as he rubbed the tip against your already wet cunt, using your slick as lubricant to make the glide smoother. 

“Jake, fuck,” you breathed out, gripping onto the table edge as you feel him lowering you down on his cock, splitting you apart. 

His grip on your waist tightened, nails digging into your skin that you were certain marks will be left behind. His head spins at how tight and warm you felt, thighs muscles tensed as he resists the tempting urge to thrust upwards. The way your gummy, velvety walls clung onto his cock wasn’t making it any easier either. Jake leans forward, the movement causing both of you to groan at how his cock kisses your cervix. 

He tried to remain still, really he tried. But it was hard with how welcoming your pussy felt. Resting his head on your shoulder, he watched in a daze as you continued working, like you weren’t cockwarming your boyfriend. Jake absentmindedly moved his hand lower and lower, until it reached the spot between your legs where you were connected. You jumped when his fingers brushed against your spread pussy lips, the brief contact forcing goosebumps to form. 

“Jaeyun,” you hissed, throwing him a glare but he innocently blinked his eyes. 

“I didn’t do anything,” he replied, but his actions tell a different story from his words. 

You were about to reply with something snarky, only for your voice to die in your throat when he gave a light, experimental thrust up from underneath. The only form of warning you got was him holding you by your waist, reaching forward to push your laptop aside before you were pressed against the table, your cheek squished against the cool surface.

“Jake, don’t—ngh,” you protested but it was too late. 

Your boyfriend wasted no time pounding into you. The sound of skin slapping against skin echoed in your apartment, causing your ears to turn red when you realised how loud it was. The thought of your neighbours launching a noise complaint flew out of your mind when his cock hit the spot, making you see stars behind your vision. You were reduced to a whining, moaning mess, getting drunk on the intoxicating feeling of his cock sliding in and out of you. 

The loud squelching sounds made it sound like you’re filming a cliche pornographic movie. A devilish grin appeared on Jake’s face once he took note of your fucked-out state. He grabbed a fistful of your hair, pulling you upwards and forced you to bend your back at an awkward angle. He leans down so his clothed chest is firmly pressed against your back, tilting his head to whisper into your ear. 

“What happened to wanting to kick me out, hm?” He sneers, mockery evident in his voice. Jake chuckled at the pathetic mewl you let out and how you were already drooling, wetting the table. 

“Can’t speak the moment you get a cock in you, can you? You’re nothing but a desperate cockslut, aren’t you? Maybe next time, I’ll shut you up with my cock.” 

You whimpered at his crude words, clenching down on him, which didn’t go unnoticed by him. 

“You like that, right? Maybe I should make you cockwarm me every time and everywhere. Let your friends see how much of a slut you are,” he mocks you. 

“J-Jaeyunnie, fuck, s’good,” you slurred, eyes rolling up to the back of your head as he quickened his pace, pushing you to your climax. 

It didn’t take you long to cum and Jake followed suit seconds after, spilling deep inside of you. You whined at how full you felt, letting him pump you full of his cum. Jake slowly pulled out with caution, making you hissed at the sudden feeling of emptiness. Your legs were trembling like fallen leaves and you could feel his eyes on you.

“Jake!” You gasped when he carried you in his arms and proceeded to toss you onto the bed. 

In a blink of an eye, he was hovering over you. You nervously gulped at the sight of his eyes darkening a shade with nothing but desire written all over his face. He positioned himself between your legs, already pushing in again without giving you another second to breathe. You hated how easily you let him in, back arching off the bed at the familiar stretch. 

“One more time, alright baby? Gonna fuck you so good,” he murmured and if anything, Jake is a man of his own words. 

[zoomclown]

ive said it before and I'll say it again

I love s3 of rv for many many reasons but a not-insignificant one is that Clive and Pam are the only ones even vaguely compared to irl characters in terms of physical appearance so we get an entire season of these fuckin guys

running around trying to get rich quick and generally falling apart

[woso-dreamzzz]

Ballers

Leah Williamson x Sister!Reader

Summary: You're more similar than you think

She did it first.

Your sister.

You were watching it.

You were huddled in your dorm room, knees up to your chest in the pitch black. A crappy stream that kept cutting out and buffering played on your laptop.

You had class the next day and basketball practice and your heating broke so the cold weather of Storrs, Connecticut had you shivering.

Shivering because of the cold soon changed into shivering in horror.

Leah.

On the pitch.

Leah and her knee.

You stayed up all through the night.

Waiting.

Just waiting.

Waiting for the moment the announcement came.

An ACL.

An ACL and her World Cup dreams shattered.

Your big sister's career derailed in an instant.

And you just...

You went to class. You spoke to your friends. You went to your practice. You did your homework.

Leah had surgery. Leah had rehab.

And you lost the national championship.

Not that you really had a chance. Injuries seemed to have swept your team the year Leah did her ACL...and the year after.

Leah tore her ACL and you returned home from college for the summer empty handed of the thing you wanted the most.

Leah's torn ACL is bad, of course, but it wasn't much of a thought in your mind when you returned to college. Leah was strong. She was England captain. She was a Euros winner.

You knew Leah would get better.

Her career wasn't over.

Not yet.

Injuries were never really a thought in your mind. They happened, of course.

But they'd never happened to you.

You'd joked once with one of your teammates that it was all the milk you drank as a kid.

But then it happens as so many other injuries do.

The ball goes rebounding off the net and you jump up to grab it.

You don't even get the chance to decide who you're passing to. You don't even get the chance to decide if you're going to dribble or not.

You land.

You twist.

Your knee pops.

You're on the floor.

You stare at your knee now, wrapped up in bed with a brace on as all you do is stare.

A blank stare. A stare devoid of all feeling.

Just your eyes on your knee.

Your stupid knee.

Your stupid, stupid knee.

Your stupid, stupid, ruined knee.

Your phone rings.

Again.

You've been fending off phone calls all day. Not from your teammates, of course, because they're in their rooms after having brought you back from the hospital and making sure you didn't choke on dinner.

From your family.

Your mother was the first one to call. You ignored her. She called again.

You ignored again.

She gave up eventually then it was your dad. He only called once, clearly getting the hint that you weren't willing to talk.

Then your brother. You sent him a fairly unkind message that you hope he doesn't take personally.

Then Leah.

She calls and calls and calls.

You manage to tear your gaze away from your traitorous knee for a moment to see the flash of her profile picture.

You're leaning over the barrier at one of her matches, both of your faces squish together as you celebrate whatever game she had clearly won just a moment before.

Your screen goes black.

You breath a sigh of relief but it lights up again.

Leah's smiling face greets you and your hand twitches.

"Well," Leah says with a smile," We're two peas in a pod, huh? Maybe it's genetic."

Your face says what your mouth cannot.

"Too soon."

"Yes."

"Sorry."

There's silence for a beat. Just one blessed moment before Leah opens her mouth again.

"Are you coming home or-?"

"I'm doing rehab here," You say bluntly. You're not in the mood. You can't do this right now.

You can't sit here and chat to your sister and think of your future when it all seems to be slipping from your grip.

Your surgery was still fresh. You were allowed this.

You're allowed to wallow in self-loathing.

"Really?"

"Yes!" You snap, surprising even yourself with your tone. You go quiet for a second, gathering yourself before you sigh. "The team still have matches. I'm staying here. Our injury bench is big. I won't be alone."

Leah looks sceptical. "You sure?"

"I am."

"I'm here, you know. If you want to talk."

"Leah, honestly, I don't want to talk. Not about this. I just...It's late. I want to go to sleep."

"Will you though?"

"Will I what?"

"Will you sleep though?"

Damn Leah. Damn Leah for knowing exactly what you're like. Damn for calling you out on your bullshit when all you want is to not confront the situation you're in.

You hate her for it.

You hate her.

You hate her.

You hate her.

You put the phone down and you stare at her contact.

She doesn't call back. She doesn't really do anything.

At least not tonight.

She does nothing tonight and you take the respite.

You go to class. You fall back into your routine but you're too fresh out of surgery to start your rehab.

You sit off to the side in practice. You watch the dribbling of balls. You watch the shots fall.

You itch to join them but the injury bench is big, you weren't lying, so you have plenty of company.

Company to do homework with and to eat with and to lament your sorrows to even though that last one is more so them lamenting their sorrows at you and you sitting there.

Numb would be the way to describe.

Numb and dead inside.

Numb and dead and drowning.

You go through the motions. You go to class. You eat. You go out with your teammates. You laugh at dumb jokes.

But it doesn't feel like anything's touching you.

Like everything is so surface level that you can't possibly be feeling anything deeper.

Then she arrives.

She's not on crutches anymore. She not on crutches anymore and somehow that makes you angrier.

She's months ahead of you in her recovery. Of course she isn't on crutches.

But it makes your blood boil. It makes you grind your teeth, vein almost popping out of your forehead.

But then she's in front of you and suddenly you don't care that she's randomly showed up at practice.

Tears drop down your face before you can even think, choking on some secret part of you that you've kept inside and buried for so long.

But Leah's there and you don't even care that you're sobbing into her chest in front of all of your teammates.

All you care about is your sister.

Here and now.

Coming to see you even though both of your worlds have been rocked by the same injury

[malereadermaniac]

(;¬_¬) Utter Devotion ~ Xiao x Male Reader drabble/imagine

Word Count: 556

Plot: Fluff and smut with Xiao ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ

Warnings: Nsfw / MDNI ~ amab m!reader / FDNI

The fact that Xiao makes sure you know that no matter when and where, if you call his name, he'll be there?? Like that's so fucking hot

Bro is devoted to you, that's for sure - the twink just loves his boyfriend, he'd quite literally die if anything happened to you

He's even teleported to you on accident before! He usually just hears the "Xia-" part and sets off - which is really silly of him, cause you're good friend with Xiangling....

Xiao was reluctant to even start dating you at first, worried that his karmic debt would affect you. But the Adeptus couldn't fight off his growing feelings for you - For real, the man was absolutely lovestruck

He couldn't pass an hour without thinking about you, about your voice which he found cute or sexy depending on the situation (iykwim), about your eyes, about your body, about spending time with you

Xiao would catch himself blushing like an idiot around you so much that even he thought it was too much! The Yaksha would even STUTTER when talking to you!

It took Xiao courting you subconsciously (giving you gifts, going out together, and spending almost everyday with you) for YOU to ask HIM out! And even then you had to CONVINCE HIM TO DATE YOU!!

Greatest decision you both ever made though - you two are like two peas in a pod now!

Dates with Xiao are incredible

This man will carry you down the Wangshu Inn and sit you down at a table filled with fresh, fancy food and act all nonchalant like it's nothing! As if it isn't the most romantic thing ever!

And the sex is crazy good too.

Xiao's a twink but he got that sleeper build for sure!

He looks like a twig but FUCK when he flexes them ARMS - it makes you crack within seconds

The man likes to pull that trick in bed a lot, fucking the shit out of you and then pushing you that extra mile by flexing an arm for you (his tattoos also look real good like that)

Oh and you bet he does that thing where he squishes your face between his bicep (Fucking hot)

And the way that his abs are toned, his 6-pack ever-so-subtle - it's just sooooooo good

Again, the Adeptus is wholly devoted to you, so the only thing he thinks about during sex is how to make you feel the best he can - which usually means you cum before him

Xiao will suck you off and eat you out for agesss, his strong arms under your thighs as he goes crazy, leaving purple and green hickeys and red lovebites on the soft area

And though he likes to go wild and fast when drilling into you, Xiao will make sure that his angle and pace is perfect, he makes sure that your prostate is generously milked each time!

He's big too! You wouldn't expect it from such a thin and kinda short guy, but that dick is long and veiny - and it puts its work in damn!

He's perfect in every way, Xiao is just the man for you - and he knows for sure that you are the one for him, for life

You just gotta love twinks n their horse CO-

[moonstruckme]

What if you wrote something with like... Poly EMT marauders or poly doctor marauders.. with a reader who is a type 1 diabetic, but is horrible at managing it. So like... Their omnipod or dexcom expires and they just don't realize it. As to why? Idk, like they're forgetful or maybe they were just diagnosed with it recently? Whatever sounds more interesting to you lmao

Thanks for requesting! Funnily enough I got this request the same week my uncle was in the icu with a blood sugar of over 1000 (the highest the paramedics said they'd ever seen!) so this was one of the only emt marauders drabbles I've ever done where I didn't actually have to do a bunch of research because I already knew about it haha

cw: diabetes, reader is impaired/faint, mention of needle

emt!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 628 words

The television blurs in front of you. You have the vague impression that you used to know what was happening in this show, but now you can hardly tell one character from another. A hand touches your face, sweeping hair away from your eyes and scratching nicely at your scalp. 

“Getting tired, dove?” 

You hum. 

“Want to go to bed early?” 

“I think I could sleep here on the couch,” you admit. 

For a moment, there’s no reply. You feel the couch shift, and then a hand is gently turning your chin, directing you towards three concerned faces. It always makes you shy, being at the center of their combined attention, but right now the usual effects don’t feel as intense. 

“Are you feeling okay?” James asks you. 

“Yeah, I’m just tired.”

Later, you’ll learn you’d been slurring terribly. 

“Where’s your phone, baby?” Sirius starts looking for it as you try to recall. He finds it before you can, clicking it open and tapping at the screen until he finds what he’s looking for. “Her blood sugar’s at 300.” 

Remus’ brows push close together. “How’d that happen, hm?” he asks you. The sleeve of your pajama top gets pushed down. “Where’s your pod?” 

You blink, working hard to remember. Sirius gets up from the couch. “It’s…I don’t know. It expired,” you say. 

You hear the sound of the freezer opening, and a shrill beeping fills your kitchen. “Found it,” says Sirius. 

“Fucking hell, you’ve got to stop putting it in there.” Remus sighs, though you don’t think he’s really angry with you. “I heard it earlier, but I thought I was going mental.” 

“Sweetheart, why didn’t you get a new one when that one expired?” James asks. He rubs your calf from further down the couch, infinite in both sweetness and patience. 

“I was going to. I forgot.” You’d gotten distracted with something or other, dishes that needed to be done or something outside the window or an attention-deprived Sirius calling you from the next room. 

“You can’t just forget, silly girl.” Sirius gives your knee a mean (loving) squeeze as he sits down again. He sets a new omnipod on the table, filling it expertly with a syringe of insulin. 

“Do you have a swab?” Remus asks, and Sirius hums, passing him one. “Thanks.” 

Remus cleans off your arm, using one hand to ensure you’re still while Sirius gently presses the new omnipod to your skin. He runs his fingers around the adhesive a few times for good measure. 

“4 units, yeah?” James asks, thumbing something into your app after the others agree. You wince when you feel the needle, still not used to it, and he makes a sorry sound. Presses a conciliatory kiss to your knee. 

“There you go, babylove.” Remus sits back against the couch cushions, a tension you hadn’t noticed before dissipating from him. His hand finds your hair, carding through the strands close to your scalp. “You’ve gotta start taking better care of yourself. We can help if you want us to, but this is important, yeah?” 

“I know,” you sigh, leaning against his shoulder. “Sorry, I just forget.” 

“We’ll help you remember,” James offers in his easy way. 

Sirius nudges both you and Remus over so he can squish in on your other side. “Can’t believe we were about to go to bed with you sky high.” He pokes your thigh. “That wouldn’t have been very nice to wake up to tomorrow.” 

Your heart heavies, thinking of your boyfriends panicking and you nearly comatose in bed the next morning. “I’m sorry,” you say again, meaning it. 

“It’s alright, dove.” Remus drops a kiss to your hair. “We don’t mind taking care of you. We’ll help you get the hang of it.”

[muletia]

I love the idea of mer!ratchet’s guppies bing tiny and chubby little guppies that swarm all around you as they relish in he feeling of your flesh across their soft scales

Something like ponyo before she became a human at first the pod is the size of tiny shrimps all of them could be fit in your palm after a few weeks of having them, they grow until they could lay fully on your palm with they chubby tummies facing you as they lay lazily,

If you and ratchet were away for a few minutes doing something, you always brace yourselves to be met with the chonky swarm of baby guppies as they nuzzle both of you while chirping happily

AHHHH THE CHUBBY GUPPIES HAVE TAKEN OVER MY BRAIN

Oh god, imagine that when you're welcoming your tiny babies into the world, taking care of them is actually pretty simple. Maybe it's hard to spot them, but I imagine that for the first few weeks of their lives, they’ll mostly just sleep, so your care would mainly focus on keeping them in a safe, enclosed place.

Borrowing from the Ponyo example, you suggest keeping them in a bucket, and Ratchet is absolutely horrified by the idea. What kind of way is that to take care of guppies, are you serious? What kind of responsible parent... until it turns out that this method actually works really well, and you’re finally able to keep your little swarm of children under control.

And then the guppies grow and become more lively. That's when you and Ratchet really have to show true parental patience, because your guppies will be "bugging" you 24/7. Constantly cuddled up against you or Ratchet (who’s already sleep-deprived enough, and having offspring just finishes him off even more), hanging off your arms, bouncing on Ratchet's tail, and grabbing onto Ratchet’s tailfin whenever he strays too far from them for their liking.

Also, I can totally imagine ratchet finally finding time for a nap or just collapsing exhausted into the sand, and your guppies decide to use him as a couch. Just a whole bunch of chubby mers napping on their sire (or carrier lmao). One on his head, most of them sprawled across his back, some lying across his tail. Maybe one or two squished themselves between his crossed arms.

And since we're talking about chubby guppies — imagine the big bad Megatron with a swarm of chubby guppies. Their clumsiness is adorable, but he can’t wait for them all to grow into capable warriors like himself.

[robolvrr]

I loved your swerve x gn human bartender headcanons. Do you have any more headcanons for swerve x gn human if you do please share them ❤️

two bolts in a pod! ᴗ｡✷

swerve x gn! human reader headcanons.

thank you anon! enjoy.☆

"i.. you actually like listening to me talk?"

"... hey ratchet, check this one's processor! think they mighta hit it or somethin'..."

on the note of a human crew member it's common consensus that swerve is part of the many that have an intense interest in you as a species.

however, if you do happen to enjoy his company and questions and puns -- consider him your personal jester.

he gets so, so dramatic whenever you aren't fused at the hip joint. suddenly his shifts feel long and he's lamenting to his other cybertronian crew members which while is endearing to some in the way any lovesick trainwreck is, is incredibly annoying for others.

has helped make a stool at his bar for you, sized to scale.

there's this funky little staircase at the end of the table to help you up (since he doesn't want you squished in between mechs) that doesn't match at ALL.

spends an embarrassing time cycling stories ready to tell when asked. he frequently bites his fist because he thinks it's going to be boring, but you're in awe because hello, this is space and there are giant metal hot aliens.

you try to teach him to dance once. minibots are stockier, so seeing you bend and twist is as enchanting as it is perplexing.

it ends with him almost slipping and crushing half the bar but hey! your little laughs and snorts are more than enough to stroke a bruised ego.

brags. so much. when you develop nicknames and inside jokes.

"did you know that they call me and only me hotshot? huh? did ya?"

it's easy to just. lie to him regarding questions on humans. he's no means gullible but imagine he asks a normal question like "why is it called a tailbone" when you have an anatomy rundown and you confidently say you actually have a long, fluffy tail that only comes out every blue moon.

cue him researching through his limited sources (cough cough movies) to see where he missed THAT detail.

speaking of movies: will make you watch his collection before asking for yours.

enjoys lots of 80s sci-fi and cheesy b-thrillers.

expect him to whisper in your ear as you sit on his knees like a cute, nervous directors reel.

tries to get you to match those colorful clothes with his plating paint.

wh - romantic? him? nooo, it's just a friendly thing? a total cybertronian thing. uh huh. yeah. unless you'll know - wait no, don't clarify with brainstorm-

falls helm over pedes when you start giving him stuff. old, vintage bobbleheads. records and sports vanity jerseys and engraved shot glasses.

the courting gestures between your kinds are so different and alike it makes his coolant heat. you could be just beaming because you've alphabetically and flavor organized his stock records and he's here wondering how to sparkbond with a human without killing 'em.

my personal headcanon - he sits you on his shoulder when he's going around passing drinks. think of those bodybuilders and pretty models on the beach photoshoots. primus, he's down bad!

i see you getting spoiled rotten in all aspects, platonic and otherwise. he loves, loves all your reactions and expressions. has to sit in his habsuite and think about some venting exercises so he isn't buzzing in your presence all the time.

[cherryozyi]

Sharp chompers

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

What were the correct set of kitchen storage containers? Finding a good one seems to be an unending struggle

The silicon freezer pods from kmart.

They're supposed to come in 1-portion, 2-portion and 3-portion pods, but the 1-portion ones seem to have vanished. :( They're freezer, oven and dishwasher safe; I don't have a dishwasher but I love sticking things from the freezer straight into the oven so this is great for me. They don't crack or chip like shitty plastic containers and won't drop if you break them like glass, and because they're silicon they don't need those rubber ring seals in the lids that make container lids a pain in the arse to wash. The lids are rigid plastic (take them off before putting them in the oven) and without any stupid fragile clips or seals or ridges in them, wash and dry as easily as a plate does. The silicon body being flexible is my favourite part. When I freeze food in a plastic or glass container, I sometimes want to take it out of the container before defrosting and this is a total pain in the arse to try to do without breaking the container. With these pods you can just squish the food right out as a giant ice block.

The container tops are the same size so the lids are, of course, completely interchangeable. A lot of these portion design containers have lids shaped for each individual container size and I hate that. With these, any random lid will for any container, AS GOD INTENDED.

Being silicon, they don't last as long as good, high quality, heat tempered glass if you put them in the oven a lot because it's more difficult to scrub baked-in food out of silicon without damaging it, but they do last as long as glass containers that are in the same price range because those containers always chip and crack so easily or have lids with bullshit flimsy plastic clips. So on the whole I find these to be both the most convenient and the most affordable. The one downside is that (apart from the lids) they are not transparent, so label stuff before you put it in the freezer.

[luveline]

Love love love your writing Jade, I must have reread everything a dozen times!

For a dad!character request, what would you think of Single father Remus signing up to chaperone a school event or field trip? Maybe he meets the newest teacher, who happens to be his exact idea of the perfect person for him…

(Lots of love<3)

“Don’t get– forget your coat, dad.” 

Remus grabs his coat from the passenger seat with a self-deprecating sigh. “I’m s’posed to remember things for you, Lia.” 

Cordelia smiles up at him, her shiny coat and boots already taking on rain. “Okay, so ‘member my lunch, then.” 

Remus turns back to the passenger seat to grab her packed lunch from the footwell. “Thank you.” 

Remus is the kind of parent who writes a list every week, budgeting to the penny and laying out uniforms the night before, but he’s off-kilter today. “I wish your teacher could’ve given me some warning.” 

“She’s new, dad. You have to be nice for new people, ‘cos they don’t know– she’s not used to it.” 

Remus locks the car door, already cold to the bone and wishing they could’ve called off sick. He offers Cordelia her lunchbox (which isn’t a box at all, but a padded fabric zip up pouch in fashion with the rest of the girls her age), and tugs on his jacket. It’s not his, it belonged to Sirius a few years ago, but it got left in his wardrobe somehow and he’s been wearing it since. 

“Okay, lovely girl, what’s the rules for today?” he asks, taking her hand. 

“To be good.” 

“Yeah, and what next?” 

“To stay with my buddy.” 

“Yes, and what’s the last one?” 

She beams at him and waves their joined hands. “To have fun!” 

Remus doesn’t think he’ll be having much of it. He isn’t on the PTA, he had no idea parents even went on these trips, but they’re short-staffed at Cordelia’s school lately and now the year two teacher is off sick, and the phone call was a shock. He didn’t have the wherewithal to say no. 

Cordelia’s class are waiting outside of the school gates near a big red and green bus. Remus is the only parent. Why is he the only parent? There are around thirty kids and only two teachers, the newest of which stands at the front, your hands behind your back and a massive smile on your lips despite the bad weather. 

You’re very pretty, Remus has already thought before, and you dress sweetly, happy colours and cute skirts and pants with flowers and hearts and stars. You’re reaching up into the sky as you say, “So they have lots of energy to grow big and tall like us!”

Most of the kids are listening aptly, though pods of them chatter or fight. 

You see Remus quickly and dodge around the children to meet him. “Mr. Lupin! Hello, hi Lia. I have a packet for you.” 

He smiles awkwardly. “Right.” What’s a packet? He looks down at Cordelia but she’s straining against his hand, desperate to go and talk to her friends. “You can go, lovely. I’ll be right here.” 

“Can I sit with you on the bus?” she asks.

He’d definitely prefer it. “Whatever you want to do. Want me to have your lunchbox?” 

“No, that’s okay!” She leans up for a kiss. Remus suddenly wonders if he’s any good at being a parent, knowing you’re watching, but he leans down for a kiss and gives her a quick pat on the back. “Love you.” 

“Love you.” He clears his throat and stands up. “The packet?” 

You’re looking at him funny. 

“What?” he asks. 

“Nothing, nothing,” you stay, still smiling. He’s ninety nine percent sure you aren’t making fun. 

You load the children onto the bus and have him stand at the front with you, squished together in the aisle. “This is Lia’s dad, Mr. Lupin. Can everyone say hi?” He’s sure he’s beet red. “He’s our chaperone today. You listen to him just like you’d listen to me or Mrs. Davies. If Mr. Lupin tells you to stop talking, to stop running, anything at all, you listen. But today is about having fun and seeing all the flowers and bugs, so let’s have lots of fun!” You touch his elbow gently. He smiles. 

Lia forgets that she wanted to sit with Remus by that time, and you end up hip to hip in the front row. The children are immensely loud, and Mrs. Davies has to constantly ask them to be quiet, but it’s not as though Remus would notice; when he woke up that morning he had no idea he’d be doing this, his schoolyard crush for you feels as though it’s written over his forehead, and he’s more nervous than he’s felt in years. 

Remus is cool. He’s the cool friend, the quiet, collected one, who doesn’t stutter nor falter, but he finds it harder to be that way with you when you’ve seen him pick Cordelia up from the yard and kiss every inch of her face and tell her in baby talk that he missed her so so much. 

“I got you something.” 

Cool, Remus says to himself. I’m cool. 

You unveil an informational packet and a small purple box. “That’s just the stuff I told you on the phone this morning,” you say, “and some emergency stuff you can read before we get there. God forbid something happen, but if it does, you aren’t liable. I, however, will get in lots of trouble.” You offer the box. Even your hands are cute.

It’s a rough day. The kids are rowdy, the weather is wet. Lia’s friend Kory keeps stepping in puddles and Lia herself won’t leave Remus alone. She wants to eat lunch in his lap and half gets her way, the two of them holding hands, Remus a big head surrounded by little girls. 

“What’s that?” she asks in a whisper. 

“This?” He knocks the purple box with his knuckle. “This was from Miss L/N.” He opens the plastic lid to show her the treasure inside, a caramel donut with chocolate shavings. It looks expensive and delicious. “Should we share?” he whispers back. 

“Yes, please.” 

Remus breaks it in half, and Lia breaks her half into half again to share with Kory. He feels eyes on his face and looks up to find you watching him with a soft look, but you promptly flatten it and look down. You pick at your lunch, and choke when someone asks you if you’re alright.

Oh, he thinks, giving Lia’s back a quick rub. Chaperoning really isn’t so bad.