#pokémon consumption

[realpokemon]

If I ate a bergmite would I get any calories from it. Or is it like lettuce

i mean there's meat UNDER its ice shield. there's some protein in there. but i'd argue the outside would be more like straight up water than lettuce

[alamos-garden-lover]

What if I ate a caterpie. Would that be fucked up or what

Not very. It’s a bug. I’ve eaten them before.

[pokemon-researcher-alexander]

How do I get the rattatas out of my walls, they’re starting to get braver

I'd recommend a Pokémon Ranger. They'd know better about humane relocation than I would; I just have a team that includes a few voracious carnivores.

[gegnabean]

Wow I hate this guy and honestly I hope he explodes

[ariadosanon]

Roast Sunkern is better than sunflower seeds I’m not taking criticism. Do not care that it’s less humane or whatever it just tastes better. Who give a fuck! It’s not like the Sunkern is gonna make something of itself otherwise.

[goldensunset]

do you think i’ll ever finish pokémon black 2? who knows! baby steps at a time

[teamphobia]

how do u cook your slowpoke tails .

Well first, buy them ethically.

Second, you give them a good scrub, boil them in spices and such, skim off impurities. When that's done, you pop em in the slow cooker, season the mess out of them, and leave em be for a while. Turns out perfect every time- It gets pricey, though.

[gfkdhdkdhckhjfjj]

google can you feed vanillite mcnuggets. urgent he’s looking so sad. he wants the nuggets.

[poke-rating-agency]

#503 Samurott

The Formidable Pokémon (wow, pretentious prick!?), a Water Type from the Unova Region, where it is available as a (fully evolved) Starter Pokémon.

Fun Fact: Samurott has the lowest BST of all fully evolved Starter Pokémon. "formidable" my ass! It is also one of (afaik) only 4 Pokémon that is a quadrupedal evolution of a biped!

Serious Ratings!

Stats: 6/10 As mentioned, it actually has pretty low stats for a starter, but this means it still has a pretty good BST overall. Sadly, it is somewhat slow and can't really decide if it wants to be a special or physical attacker. In the end, its movepool (and design) says it wants to be a physical attacker, but it has 100 ATK vs 108 SPA. So. What the fuck Samurott. "formidable" pokémon and all.

Availability: 3/10 As a starter, its obviously pretty rare, but you can actually catch it in postgame S/M! Otherwise you rely on trade and scripted encounters (where you might only get a choice again). So. Not great. It's starter in 2 games though, so it gets a tiny boost.

Lore: 7/10 Samurott has a surprising amount of Lore! It is modeled after a Japanese Samurai, which i find kinda funny since it's in Unova, the first region that is NOT Japan-inspired. But there are a lot of implications coming with it, it can do swordfighting (as a quadruped lol), there's all kinds of elements going into the design. It also has a medium role in the Anime, so thats nice.

Fun: 4/10 I really sadly can't say much, because i vastly prefer the other unova starters and i can't even recall a single time that i used Samurott. So it gets a "below average" bc it is interesting, it is fine to fight against (since one rival has it guaranteed in B/W) and i don't wanna say it's NOT fun either.

Design: 7/10 First of all, it just doesn't quite stand out to me. That said, there is a lot going on, especially as a starter. It has some cool fin elements and kinda somewhat blends between being the obvious otter but also slightly becoming a fish, the samurai-elements with the beard, the helmet, the swords and so on are cool and i like the colour. The helmet it uses, well, it's good that its there but i DO NOT like how it looks.

Serious Score: 27/50

Silly Ratings!

Politeness: 6/10 I think Samurott knows etiquette pretty well, being a noble samurai and all, but they are also kinda grumpy and aloof and they let you know just how formidable they are.

Friend-Shape: 3/10 You know, they have soft fur, but that's really all they have going for themself. They don't really wanna cuddle, they have lots of sharp edges, the weird shell on their head gets in the way. Not great.

Jokes: 1/10 Too stubborn to joke at all. You'll be lucky if YOU can make THEM laugh but then they won't stop for at least 30minutes and that is really funny.

Deliciousness: 5/10 I have absolutely no idea. Samurott doesn't look BAD but also not really exciting either to consume. You'd probably get a good cut of meat, but its nothing particularly special. It doesn't even come with included seafood because the shells it uses are already empty.

Lust for Murder: 8/10 They want to, you know it. It's just against their moral code to go at it. So they wait for an opportunity to be offended. Or an order from their trainer. On the other hand, they would gladly march to war for their trainer. Or protect them in... less violent ways.

Silly Score: 23/50

Can it make a Lasagna: Yes. I have to assume it can because it can also wield a sword, so a spoon or ladle should be good to go as well. I imagine it would take a while bc Samurott would start over if the Lasagna isn't good, but that also means the final dish would be delicious as well.

Total Score: 50/100 and a good lasagna. Not gonna lie, getting exactly half score is kind of as mediocre as i would expect from a pokémon that advertises itself as "formidable" (i will NOT let that go). Overall it has a huge amount of potential but it falls flat in too many aspects and because of that, it falls into the bottom 100 pokémon for me.

[realpokemon]

carnists like you eating pokemon disgust me. they are living thinking things that are able to communicate to us. we shouldn't even be using them for riding and moving companies and other labor. we must free them

this guys day is going to suck when they dig into their all-natural no-cruelty salad and they find out it’s a bulbasaur

[pokemon-researcher-alexander]

tatsujeri - whats the tastiest shit u ever did darn taste

-@paldean-ranger-brandy

// Sure would be nice if Tumblr would notify me about asks.

I haven't had any for a very long time, not since I lived in Unova, but blackened Barboach. They're slippery enough to be a pain to catch by noodling, and take a great deal of cleaning, but they stay real tender under the crust. Whiscash obviously have more meat, but they're not as common, and a bit tougher.

[rivetgoth]

The fact that I’ve seen a few people try to analyze I Saw the TV Glow through a lens of it being about like, fandom and obsession with media and nostalgia being bad ?? is genuinely blowing my mind. Obviously there’s the fact that this movie is as unambiguously about being trans as it can possibly be without just saying outright “this is a movie about being trans” but I also think this is crazy because I would say it actually has one of the most unambiguously positive relationships with concepts like “media consumption” and “nostalgia” that I’ve seen in a movie.

Like, to say it’s a shallow interpretation of the film to call it “about media/fandom” (and especially a negative depiction of such things!) is putting it quite kindly because I kind of feel that anyone who utters such sentiments didn’t actually understand the core element of the entire movie: “The Pink Opaque” is not a show. Commentary the film makes about watching “The Pink Opaque” cannot translate to commentary on watching shows broadly because the movie spends half its runtime making it explicitly clear that “The Pink Opaque” may be a show that exists in a literal sense but is not one in a figurative sense. “The Pink Opaque” represents the possibilities of childhood and innocence. Innocence that still is not free from judgment—Owen gets told the show is for girls, Maddy’s friend accuses her of sexual harassment on account of her sexuality while they were watching it together—but it’s the moment in your youth (or any time! it doesn’t have to go away!) when the possibility of queerness and more explicitly queer utopia feels real to you. The external pressures to conform are still there but you can tune them out if just for a moment to envision a future and a life for yourself free of it and living authentically. I think this is an experience all LGBT people can relate to, but in the case of ISTTVG it’s very explicitly primarily focusing on queer femininity, predominantly transfemininity, but in Maddy’s case as well she is a queer woman (I’ve seen some interpretations of her as transmasculine but I disagree personally). Hence the on-the-nose nature of it being PINK.

What feels very genius about Schoenbrun making it about a show though is that it’s so generational, right? For all of us LGBT people who grew up in the age of screens that WAS where a lot of that early imagination going wild resided. The first time you explore a new name is on anonymous forums. The first time you explore your masculinity or femininity is with which character you relate to in a show, or which gender you select in Pokémon. Movies and shows with “queer subtext” or even without give young LGBT people the chance to envision relationships and futures for themselves, what many grow up and call “shipping.” You have your first gay crush while watching your favorite movies. You envy those of your true gender while watching your favorite movies. Amongst many other things when Maddy watches “The Pink Opaque” she’s given access to a world where two women share this intimate connection and overcome obstacles together. When Owen watches “The Pink Opaque” they’re given access to a world where femininity is a real option for their future.

The relationship these characters have to “The Pink Opaque” is a net positive and the movie makes that so incredibly obvious when Owen goes back to rewatch it later and finds that it’s nothing like how they remembered, it feels childish and immature and dumb. That is a bad thing. This is a bad thing. The movie wants you to see this as a bad thing. This is the result of repression, of conversion therapy, of violent coercion into normative lifestyle—That sense of limitless possibility is destroyed and the idea of accessing one’s transness, of imagining this utopia where you CAN be yourself and live as a woman, strong and beautiful on the other side of the screen as said in the film, is lost. Now you tell yourself it feels silly, it feels childish to imagine such things, it’s not nearly as deep and meaningful as you believed it was when you were younger and less inhibited, or it’s at the very least easier to tell yourself that. Owen’s feeling embarrassed is of note here. If it weren’t for these external pressures that have been internalized they very well may have been able to still enjoy the show, even as they’ve aged and grown and matured, even if their perspective has changed a little. But they can’t. Not yet, at least.

I feel kind of out of my mind seeing people try to approach it through a lens of commentating on media consumption because it’s so deeply missing the layers of what’s actually being said… and not even in a wildly obfuscated way. The movie is ABOUT the relationship these characters have to “The Pink Opaque” and how the loss of that is a bad thing. How you can possibly watch it and see it being about some kind of growth from obsessive media consumption is mind boggling to me. Seeing multiple reviews and posts in tags about it is crazy. One thing I really like about this movie is that it so confidently argues for a more positive interpretation of being obsessed with “fantasy” and the childlike wonder of the limitless possibilities of fiction. I think that’s a very very trans narrative, as I mentioned it feels tied deeply into Queer Utopia, and I find it much more bold of a stance to take. In a world where people tell trans individuals (and especially trans women) that their identities are works of fiction or products of the imagination or even caused by excessive media consumption, to embrace these things and turn them over and use them as a symbol of the whimsy and innocence and excitement that first ignites that spark as a positive, thrilling, beautiful thing is very cool.

[ariadosanon]

You know your not very good at this whole deal ....

Just don't harm the cub

I'll send you some peat moss for it

Assuming you even know what peat does

What ever ....you probably won't listen to some rando online ....

-snrk-

Do I look like the kind of guy who would hurt a Teddiursa for fun?…

Listen, anon. I wish I knew what you were talking about, and what cub you were referring to! I would certainly help you if I did.

Maybe you got confused when I was talking about the Teddiursa meat, earlier. I promise I got that from a specialty butcher. Honest misunderstanding there.

[smallestapplin]

Ingo, Emmet, and N (sep) where during a party the reader had too much to drink. When they wake up in the morning they have a massive hangover. It’s up to the boys to help nurse the hangover. Just basically them taking care of and cuddling their S/O

I am also dying, so nows the perfect time

Also mentions of alcohol consumption, so if that’s not your thing please scroll!

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🖤Ingo🖤

He was already a few steps ahead of you. After helping you to bed the night before, he made sure to leave a water bottle and some migraine medicine on your night stand, before crawling into bed.

He awoke at his usually time, but decided to call out of work, letting him lay curled against your back.

Until you woke up that is.

“Mmm…..”

You rolled away from him, not even acknowledging him as you buried your face further into your pillow while you switch to lay on your stomach.

“Darling please, at least take a sip of some water.”

Ingo was met with another low groan.

It breaks his heart to hear you in pain, and there isn’t much he can do about it. Getting up from bed, he walks around your shared room, pinning the curtains closed to keep the sunlight out, making the room nice and dim.

Once he’s satisfied with his work, he walks to your side of the bed, crouching down next to you. Ingo rubs your back in slow soothing circles, trying to get you to look up from your face full of pillow.

“Darling-“

“Ingo…” your voice muffled from the bedding, “I love you, but please….s’too loud.”

He covers his mouth, eyes widening as he forgot how loud he is, no matter how hard he’s trying to be quiet.

“Sorry.” His own voice muffled by his hand.

You don’t hear him speak, but you can hear him opening the water bottle, and feel him nudging you. You finally relent, even in the dim room your eyes squint in pain.

Ingo tries not to laugh at you recoiling and groaning again, but he waits patiently for you to recover.

Once you do, you sit up, taking the pills from his hand and taking the bottle with a soft ‘thank you.’

He knows he’ll have to make breakfast soon, just so you’ll have something in your stomach, but what’s wrong with loving on you a little longer and letting you get use to being awake?

-

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🤍Emmet🤍

After last night, Emmet didn’t think he’d ever get you to bed, you were all over the place and giggling the entire time. Which, he will admit he found adorable, but he knew you were tired, even if you didn’t want to go to bed yet.

Though the moment your head hit your pillow, you were out like a light.

So was he, once he changed into his pajamas. With it being his day off, it’s usually rare for him to wake up before you, but he understands.

You found to good tasting drinks and went all over those, he can’t blame you.

He pulls you closer, burying his face into your neck and just basking in your presence. It’s so rare he gets to be up before you, and just enjoy it.

He lays like that until Galvantula comes crawling over, clicking for food. Emmet mutely sighs before carefully detangling himself from you, and making his way to the kitchen to give all the Pokémon their (late) breakfast.

Silver eyes gaze at the pantry, trying to figure out what would be good for you to eat, but not too much as he didn’t want to upset your stomach.

“Salty crackers are verrry good for blood pressure, but maybe just some tasty broth? Hmm….”

He weighs his options, maybe even thinking a rice based dish would be good, as to fill you up but not overload your stomach.

But he’s attention is pulled from his thoughts when Archeops gets excited, squawking happily, until he sees you round the corner, groaning.

“Archie…baby…please, I hurt.” You pick up the happy fossil Pokémon, which makes him quiet down and nuzzle into your neck.

Emmet chuckles at the scene, but is quick to react. Before you know it you’re being handed some pain relievers and some water.

“I’ll make you coffee in a moment, yup! Go sit.” He gently kisses your temple, and ushering you to the living room.

Once you sit, however, you’re quickly wrapped up in a blanket by your loving boyfriend, surrounded by all your ‘movie night’ pillows, and made cozy.

With Archie cuddling into you.

And Galvantula joining on your head.

And Eelektross trying to squeeze in, and ends up laying on your legs.

And Durant hissing before joining to lay at your left side.

You’re being drowned in cuddles.

They got it from Emmet, but he takes this as a win! Now he can make you some coffee, without worrying about you getting up.

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💚N💚

He didn’t drink the entire time, not being one for such parties as he stood by the wall, watching you bounce between him and chatting with your friends.

He was happy watching you enjoy yourself, but one drink turned into two, then three, then four and so on, as the sweet tasting drink hid just how much alcohol you were consuming.

He laughed to himself at how you passed out in bed, clinging to him and refusing to let him go. But he didn’t mind, simply putting his hat on the nightstand and curling around you.

In the morning it’s a different story, as N likes to wake up with the sun, it’s just his internal clock.

But you won’t let go.

Even in your sleep you have a grip on him, nuzzling your face into his chest, subconsciously hoping the pressure will lessen your pain. N can’t help but stay right in bed, not wanting to disturb your slumber.

Though he’d like to get up, he knows you aren’t going to feel well, and he wants to help that! N looks at the clock, realizing he’s been laying here for the last four hours after he woke up.

It’s not that early to you, but it’s late to him.

N slowly starts shuffling, carefully and slowly worming his way out of your grasp.

Every time you seem like you’re about to wake, he freezes, cooing at you and kissing the top of your head until you settle. Once he’s sure it’s safe he starts again, after thirty minutes he’s free! N pushes his hair out of his face, taking a deep breath before making his next moves.

He moves around your home silently, making no noise as he opens the cabinet for some pain relievers, after securing those he starts a pot of coffee before grabbing a water bottle and heading back towards your shared bedroom.

Stopping by the hallway closet to grab a decently weighted pillow case filled with rice.

Poking his head into the dark room, he sees you haven’t moved from your spot. N can’t stop the smile forming on his face, you’re too cute.

He’s entirely too smitten, even now as your eyes slowly flutter open.

He can’t help but softly chuckle at your little groan.

“Good morning, my love. How do you feel?”

Instead of an answer, you let out a pained whimper before covering your face with the blanket. He takes it as the room is still too bright for you.

“I know, but please, you need to take something for the pain.”

His low voice coaxes you from your shield of blankets.

Looking at his outstretched hands, seeing the pills and water bottle, you sigh caving and taking both.

He smiles, happy you’re taking it.

N leans over, kissing your forehead once you’ve placed the water bottle down.

“I have some coffee going, as caffeine can help with headaches, but I’ll also make you some breakfast, you need something in your stomach after all.”

“Okay..” you leans against him, nuzzling against his shoulder.

He hopes you can’t feel how fast his heart is beating.

“Thank you.” You mumble.

“Anything for you, my light.”

He’ll look into buying black out curtains, just in case this happens again or you get a migraine.

[dragon-master-clair]

Since I'm an expert, I think it would be useful to do a series of short essays on how best to care for certain dragons. I've received a few asks in the past inquiring about how I keep up with my team.

One thing: what is classified as a dragon according to the Blackthorn Clan doesn't necessarily align with what's a dragon type. Nobody come into my inbox telling me a gyarados isn't a dragon. I don't care.

That being said, if you have pertinent questions about the care of the dragons I'm talking about, ask.

//as this event is centered around the care of animals, there will be discussion of animal and pokémon death and consumption, sickness and disease in the context of how to avoid them in pokémon, mentions of pokémon-related injuries in humans in the context of how to avoid or treat them, and general biology talk including reproductive stuff (nothing wild and nothing you don't see in nature--the seahorse stuff is probably the worst of it!).

//this event will take place over two or so days. in the meantime, feel free to pester clair with questions about the dragons she's talking about!

//block the tag #event: dragon care if you don't wish to see these topics discussed.

[entities-of-posts]

I would place Flesh and Corruption as very strong opposites/inverse. Both consume you, but Flesh is emotionally focused on palatability and forces you to change, rejecting most of you, and has imagery that’s too familiar, while Corruption claims to love every part of you and is The Fear associated with disgusting things that aught to be discarded and is generally very alien to the human form. But also I feel like they’re not exclusive opposites as much as could have an interesting relationship. Is less ATLA and more Pokémon style, Corruption could “beat” Flesh by ruining the product, potentially freeing it in a sense.

I disagree; I’d actually place them quite close together. Illness and the horror of being trapped in one’s body go hand in hand, they’re both very physical fears and deal a lot in the gross and organic. Both also have strong ties to consumption, being something else’s food; all that changes is the scale of what eats you, a large predator or small parasites. You do raise an interesting point about their emotional associations which can be opposite in some cases, but I don’t believe it’s strong enough to overrule how very similar the fear they cause is. Besides, looking at it from another angle, they are both about giving up literal pieces of you in order to be loved; the Flesh through modification, and the Corruption through letting crawling things eat through you.