#polymorph spell was a bad idea

[maetersart]

(time for absurd questions)

if your tav/durge was transformed into a sheep with a polymorph spell, what would they really look like?

oh no something went wrong… Marrow and Diamant don't look harmless gods save us all hungry durge sheep 👹 (or goblin goats??)

[fangswbenefits]

So, unpopular kink (opinion?) -

I love breeding kink....without the pregnancy. I know! It seems counterintuitive. I just love the thought of him breeding you and telling you about how he could and the fantasy of it. However, the rarity of a dhampir kinda rides that line of both. So, I get it.

Also, Dad!Astarion...but not with bio kids. I would want nothing more than this man loving his found family and bonding/loving/protecting a charge that he is not biologically connected too.

That being said.

Bonus Horny Astarion Thought (C) -

The crew finds a baby (say in the underdark, so not many mammals around). After trying to find its parents without luck, Tav figures out a way to lactate to feed the baby. Spell? True polymorph? Hormones go crazy, who cares its dnd, this game is goofy and vague. Anyway, Astarion is annoyed at the risk of having a baby in the camp, he doesn't see the point in risking their lives to save a random loud baby. She makes some comment about feeding him and yet they keep him around, which passes him off, until he sees her nursing and that breaks something in him. The fact that she's willing to take in and save someone helpless and selflessly give her body to nourish them. It mirrors their current situation and his past where no saved him, no one cared enough to see he was in trouble. Stuff happens and they find the baby's parents, but now Astarion has conflicting thoughts/emotions, especially when feeding on Tav. The lactation hangs around, he's hopelessly intrigued and has no idea what to do or how to tell her about it. Until Tav leaks all over him while he's feeding....

Idk where I was going with this, it just sort of happened?

Astarion brain rot. It's so bad. When does it end? Does it end? Will I ever be normal again?

Sorry for yet another rambling ask!

Someone on discord mentioned that there is nothing in D&D lore that suggests dhampirs are rare because they are difficult to conceive (and I searched around and it is true). I think they are not that common because I assume not many vampires are interested in mixing themselves with humans to produce an offspring that could potentially kill them and their kind. Cause yeah... in lore, dhampirs are very skilled monster hunters since they know first-hand how a vampire behaves and how to exploit their weaknesses 😅

I tend to have that premise in my breeding kink fics cause I just love the idea of Astarion having to keep trying and trying again 🤭

But I do love your ideas tbh! I can see why the breeding with no consequences is hot 👀

And that cute scenario with Tav breastfeeding the baby and Astarion just falling in love because of how selfless she is.... 🥹

[druidgroves]

ok dianthe backstory done she's also long RIP

Before Dianthe Parvenus was even a glimmer in her parents’ eyes, the Parvenus line started with her great-great grandfather, Theron, and his pact with the devil Mephistopheles. A poor man with no money and no last name, Theron did the unspeakable when he sold his immortal soul for money and influence. Thrust into Balduran nobility practically overnight, Theron took on the surname Parvenus to pass onto his newfound lineage.

Fool enough to make a deal but not fool enough to make a pact, Theron used his wealth to become an accomplished wizard. He passed the importance of magic and power down to his only son, Theron Parvenus II, whom he pressured into learning the arcane arts. Passing on the name as well as the expectation that each Parvenus patriarch be a master wizard became tradition. In the latter half of 15th century DR, Theron IV still carried that torch—somewhat.

By this point, the Parvenus line was hemorrhaging gold. Theron III had a bad habit of gambling and throwing money at his problems. Such an attitude lead the third Parvenus patriarch to die at the hands of particularly aggressive loansharks. However, it was his son, Theron IV, and his business prowess that saved the family name from going broke. At twenty, he used what was left of the money to start a business in the importing of spell components and magical items for low key, discerning customers. The idea made enough money to save their social standing as well as secure a marriage that eventually produced three children, Dianthe being the last.

Her elder siblings, Evander and Aurelia, were enrolled in an arcane academy young so as to build skill early. While their father was an accomplished wizard himself, he had a business to run and was simply too busy to teach them as his father had taught him and his father before and so on. Because of this, he pressured them to do well and exceed his own high expectations. When Evander and Aurelia were 8 and 7 respectively, their younger sister Dianthe was born, and sent the entire Parvenus family into chaos.

Born with blue skin and a pointed tail, it was said her mother died of shock right there on the bed when she was placed in her arms. Not long after the funeral did Theron IV find evidence of his great-grandfather's deal, with his youngest child being further proof that the Parvenus name was built on lies and fiendish magic.

Growing up, Dianthe wasn't treated terribly unfairly, but her father's expectations were higher than that of her siblings. She was always expected to sit straighter than Evander, or speak softer than Aurelia. She hated drawing attention to herself to avoid her father’s critical eye and did anything she could to fade into the background. She filled her time reading books about adventurers and far off places, a hobby that would keep her company growing up in her lonelier years.

Her siblings half-resented her for taking their mother away from them and it was clear in her father's eyes that he had his own complicated feelings about her. The only time they seemed to get along like a family was after dinner, when her brother and sister would show off the new spells they learned (a requirement from their father to keep up with their studies). Their magic had always entranced Dianthe and when the time came for her to start attending, she had to beg and plead her father to let her. At age eight, he finally relented by acquiring a private tutor for her.

Within an hour of her first day of class, the man ran out of their estate with fire clinging to his clothes, cursing the family’s name. This was when the wild magic that had laid dormant for nearly a decade showed itself, causing even more chaos for the family. No spell Dianthe cast was without consequence, whether it be fire, a temporary beard made of feathers, or becoming a polymorphed sheep. It was clear that she was a sorcerer with magic she couldn't control, no matter how dedicated to her studies she would be.

With her siblings excelling in their magic and Dianthe left behind as the black sheep of the family, she did everything she could to prove she was still useful to them. She poured herself into arcane theory in an attempt to study her own magic, as well as developing a keen knack for matters of money by listening in on her father's business dealings. She did well in ways she could get her hands on things, being able to accurately price any of the magic items coming in and out of her father's business and even pointing out errors in his ledgers (always with a polite, even tone). In fact, she did so well with finances that her father had discussed using her talents in the business officially, telling her that even if she could not match Evander and Aurelia in matters of magic, her mind could still be put to good use. She figured this was as good as it was going to get. At twenty-three, Dianthe began doing the books for the family business.

For the first time possibly ever, Dianthe felt like she earned her place in her family. During this time of unprecedented good luck, she became acquainted with a young nobleman named Malion Blackwell. He was an artist from a family of artists and the two quickly fell in love. He proclaimed Dianthe his muse and the attention was everything she ever wanted. For every portrait he did of her, she would shower him in gifts for she had no artistic talents to give back. Expensive paints, custom-made canvases, the works; Malion got as much supplies from her as Dianthe got adoration from him.

When discussion of who the family business would go to in the event of Theron IV’s death, Dianthe was sure she would be prioritized. She had done so well with the finances that they were actually saving money, as she had developed better trade relations than her father ever had. She excitedly told Malion of her prospects and the very next week he had a ring. It was no question that she said yes.

A week after that, Theron fell ill. A month later he was dead. The family business was left in Evander’s hands.

Dianthe seethed. She had never been this angry before. She had worked hard for the one thing she thought she was owed in her life, if not her family’s love then the business she helped shape. She would have thought her money-minded father would have at least realized that. She had more financial know-how in her little finger than her older brother had in his entire head. It was with this idea, and with bitter regret, that twenty-six year old Dianthe took the inheritance she had and left the family. She found herself a modest apartment in the Lower City with dreams of starting her own financial practice.

Malion did not share her dreams, and broke off their engagement and left her. Dianthe was devastated, now lonelier than ever, but managed to push through on her new dream. She began advertising herself specifically to adventurers, as she had come to know through visits to the Elf Song that most groups of heroes weren’t very financially savvy. For six years she worked and made the acquaintance of many a would-be adventurer, sometimes trading financial advice for stories of their conquests. Such stories eventually inspired her to perhaps follow the books of her youth and try her own hand at it. She had a little magic—that she was loathe to use, sure—but one didn’t need magic to adventure.

Little was she to know that on the day an illithid nautiloid passed over Baldur’s Gate, she would need more than just her innate, tangled knot of Weave to survive what adventure was to come.

[thebookworm0001]

I would like to know how Taavani's wild magic manifests and has it ever gotten her in trouble?

I love Reycarn's design so much, she looks gorgeous and terrifying! What's your favorite part of her backstory or something that happened during your game?

Ilrith is just beautiful, like a sapphire. How did they become a bard? Were they a popular performer back home?

Keiran look like a sweet cinnamon roll. Is he? (he also reminds me of Alistair. lol) How does he get along with Shadowheart?

Your Lloth-sworn durge looks positively evil. What's the worst thing she does in your playthrough?

Thank you for the asks! I love these!

I would like to know how Taavani's wild magic manifests and has it ever gotten her in trouble?

The better question is when hasn’t it gotten her into trouble. The first time her wild magic acted up, she burned down her house. And giant bonfires in the underdark aren’t exactly helpful. She gives Gale a fair amount of anxiety because a simple illumination spell may end up with them having a Cambion to kill. Summoning spells, polymorphs, teleportation. You name the spell, it’ll happen and at the absolute worst opportunity. Why does she keep using her magic? Probably because it would feel a bit like cutting off a limb. Sussur flowers are not a favorite plant of hers. 

Probably the funniest and surprisingly helpful instance of this was a fight in act 3 and having everyone, Big Bad included, turn into sheep for several rounds. Couldn’t do a damn thing to the enemy but was able to use my one not transformed companion to knock out an environmental thing so the fight could actually end. There was still an angry-from-being-summoned cambion to take out after that but hey it worked. 

I love Reycarn's design so much, she looks gorgeous and terrifying! What's your favorite part of her backstory or something that happened during your game?

She’s got a design I am absolutely in love with. Though I am eternally amused at how many dark urges get this same tattoo lol

My favorite part of her backstory is that she’s always been trying to be a good person. She was raised to treat people well and to seek to help those around her before her Urge came to her. But even when she doesn’t have any real choices about her Urge and the positions it puts her in, she still tries to aim her impulses at people who actually deserve what she’ll do to them. Though that gets more terrifying because she actually enjoys those occasions just on her own. She’s real fucked up. But losing her memory is probably the best thing to happen to her in a century because of the fresh start it gives her.

Favorite thing that happened in the game that isn’t Spoilers is probably just how terrifyingly lethal she is in battle. Her current build means she usually gets to sneak attack at the very start of combat and the damage she does is. Absurd. She is constantly slipping into and out of invisibility to utterly wreck anyone in her path. 

Ilrith is just beautiful, like a sapphire. How did they become a bard? Were they a popular performer back home?

Ilrith would be flattered by the complement. She sorta stumbled into it. Picked up music at an early age and ended up sneaking away to joining a traveling band a lot earlier than is probably wise or safe. But the troupe that she ended up with was fairly popular. They had requests to perform for a handful of nobles around Faerun, even. They dropped off the map a bit when one of their group - a teenager who’d joined them from a group of druids - died pretty horribly. Ilrith just couldn’t will herself to play for a while. She’d finally got back into the circuit when the Illithid picked her up.

Keiran look like a sweet cinnamon roll. Is he? (he also reminds me of Alistair. lol) How does he get along with Shadowheart?

He is such a cinnamon roll. Just. The sweetest. You’d assume he’s a life cleric meeting him because the idea of that darling boy hurling lighting and thunder just doesn’t compute. 

He loves everyone, but has taken to looking at Shadowheart with the biggest puppy-dog eyes. He just thinks she’s amazing. The shar thing is… well. Mostly he feels badly for her. Shadowheart is mostly (pretending to be) annoyed with how much of a goody-two-shoes he is. (They’re gonna get married hehe)

Your Lloth-sworn durge looks positively evil. What's the worst thing she does in your playthrough?

So far? Kill Arabella. Like, very much on purpose gets her killed and got warm fuzzies thinking about making it happen. This is my evil Durge run and I’ve barely gotten to the grove, so it’s going to get so much worse. 

[rollforimagination]

Pet Idea

Duck Of Inspiration

Description: An apparently normal duck, occasionally it glows of a very faint yellow light.

Functionality: Give to all the players in a 10ft, that are in good terms with the duck, the possibility to use +1 to +5 inspiration per long rest. A player can use +5 all in one roll, or two players can use +2 and then +3.

BUT

If someone uses the inspiration of the duck they will not be able to use it until the next long rest. If someone uses the inspiration point that the DM gave them and that sums up to more than a +1 inspiration used, they will be unable to use the Duck until the next long rest.

To be in good terms with the duck you need to feed it, play with it, take care of her, NEVER call her “Quack”, “Goose”, “Silly Goose”, “Duck”, “Chicken” or “Bird” and NEVER say to her to shut up or act angrily towards her if she quacks.

If you do one of those things, you roll a d20

15-20: the Duck will look at you angrily, quack loudly while glowing and you will be feeling uneasy for a minute

10-14: the Duck will quack, looking at you seriously while glowing of a faint orange, you’ll be unable to speak for a minute. If you have any inspiration points, you lose 1 of them

5-9: the Duck will quack quietly, looking at you with disdain while glowing orange, you’ll be blinded and mute for a minute. If you have any, you’ll lose 2 inspiration points.

2-4: the Duck looks at you in silence and glows red, you’ll be paralysed for a minute, uneasy for 5 minutes and take 3d4 of psychic damage. You’ll lose all your inspiration points given to you but the DM

1: the Duck eyes turn white, its feathers vibrate while turning of a pitch black, it opens its wings and beak, looking directly into your eyes. The duck glows purple, everything around you seems to tremble like in an earthquake and then you start vomiting blood losing 20 pure damage, you look at the Duck and for a second it seems to have horns and sharpened teeth inside it’s beak, what seems like blood comes down like tears from its eyes. Then everything turns black, and the next thing you realise after opening your eyes, is that you’ve been transformed into a duck (a chicken, if you’ve called her “Chicken”). No other players have seen past the black aura that surrounded the Duck and you while everything happened. Everyone need to roll an Intelligence roll (>5 to succeed) to understand that the Duck polymorphed you into a Duck/Chicken. You lose all your inspiration points and stay polymorphed for 2 hours or until the next rest. You can understand other Ducks while in this form, except The Duck.

Rolling lower than a 12 will make you unable to use the Duck again (don’t say it to your player until it tries to, to make it funnier) because you’ll be in bad terms with the Duck.

Say sorry to the Duck and take care of her and it will accept your apologies and after your next rest you’ll be able to use the Duck again.

Speak with animals will not work (and any other spell that need its target to be an animal) but will give you the faint sensation that you should make this Duck friend and follow you, for your own good.

P.S. Yes, The Duck is an eldritch abomination. If you want it can become a patron, but don’t make it that it’s a Dark creature polymorphed or trapped in the body of a Duck… make it that the Duck is its normal form.

Inspiration: The Duck above… wait I’ve gained inspiration from the duck of inspiration to make the duck of inspiration… it’s Duckception

Saw a post like this with negative outlook so I asked for it to be fixed

[rpgsandbox]

25 Holiday & Festival Adventure Seeds

by Robb at readytorole.com

The villagers gather at sunset on the last day of the year to celebrate Setting Sun Day, where they bid goodbye to the bad luck of the current year to make room for the good luck of the upcoming year. It’s been hours and the sun doesn’t seem to be setting on the horizon and people feel their energy draining.

On the first day of the year, it’s tradition to flip 3 coins- one gold, one silver, and one copper- with a heads on each coin meaning positive and a tails meaning negative for the following year. Gold represents wealth, silver represents friends and family, and copper represents health. Up until this year the mayor has gotten all heads every year, but now they get all tails.

Every year on the king’s birthday, the people celebrate King’s Day in honor of their benevolent ruler with general merriment and fun throughout the city. However, he has acted weirdly lately, and just announced this year there will be fights to the death in a newly built arena for his amusement.

The queen has decreed a day in her name for the people to celebrate. Rather than giving gifts to her, she has asked everyone to give to those less fortunate than themselves. Oddly though, she refuses to give anything herself and instead takes credit for the gifts others give, making some of her subjects confused or irritated.

On the first official day of summer, it is tradition that the townsfolk each donate a bucket of water to fill up a large hole that is dug in town square for swimming. After the hole was filled this year, a giant tentacle came out and dragged someone under. Needless to say, there was panic and no one has gone near since.

On what is usually the hottest day of the year, a Festival of Fire is held to stave off the god of fire who would burn their crops. This involves burning small offerings of meat, flowers, fruits, and melting down coins. A fire elemental has emerged from the flame, demanding a person also be offered in flame from now on.

A small village appears to be celebrating Goddess Day and invites passersby into their temple to celebrate and receive a blessing from their goddess. One such traveler who took them up on their offer said he narrowly escaped being sacrificed to said goddess instead.

On the 7th full moon of the year, the Dance of Dragons is started when two ancient dragons emerge from their lairs; one in the mountains north of the city and one from the south in the sea. They dance a choreographed battle above the city and then land, sharing their wealth with the city in exchange for good stories from the people.

The end of the harvest season is capped off with a Harvest Festival where farmers and merchants set up stalls and sell and trade their crops with others, and people leave small offerings to the spirits of nature. A few however woke up on the morning of the festival to find all of their crops had shriveled and died overnight and have no idea why.

The wizards of the city put on a parade every year showing off their newfound skills in a type of Magic Parade. The parade consists largely of illusions and conjurations that are benign, but occasionally a dangerous spell makes its way in for some extra flare. Unfortunately, this year it meant summoning a bunch of small demons that got loose and ran away to hide within the city.

On the shortest day of the year clerics that serve the god of light use their divine powers to shine light through the night in the Night of Light festival, and villagers help by lighting all the candles and lanterns they can. This year was another success, but a week later and the magic light refuses to be snuffed even by the clerics.

Fey Day is looked forward to as much as it is feared by the people who celebrate it, though celebrate may be a loose term. On this day various fey play pranks on mortals, doing everything from planting flowers everywhere to temporarily polymorphing them. That is, until one particular pixie polymorphed the king and disappeared, refusing to change him back.

Pirates and sailors alike pay homage to the kraken of the Day of the Sea by dumping portions of their treasure into the sea for protection. Many who sail in the great depths of the ocean on the day claim to have seen the kraken’s large tentacles come up and almost wave, only to slowly submerge and not be seen again. The last sighting however was 20 years ago, and some are thinking of skipping the celebration this year.

The people celebrate a day of fasting in honor of the spirit of ravenous hunger. Legends claim that a hungry spirit lies dormant every year, awakening on one day where it consumes the negative spirits and fill people with positive energy. Those who don’t fast find themselves sick, and this year they find themselves rotting away while alive and in immense pain.

Atonement Day, a holiday established by the local clergy, is a day for the common people to acknowledge their shortcomings and receive blessings of the gods for the next year. However, it has become known that the priests are using this information to blackmail and sabotage those with power in the community.

A noble baby whose birth was prophesied to end war was born and the entire kingdom has begun celebrations as soldiers put down their weapons. That night, many streaks of fire were seen careening in the sky, and one has turned out to be a small flaming boulder that decimated the surrounding area on impact- and more are coming!

In the nomadic tribes of the desert, one day a year is dedicated to sowing chaos. This Day of Chaos is a day where tribal laws cease to exist from sunrise to sunset, where destruction is encouraged, and at night everyone drinks themselves to sleep to finish ridding themselves of stress. Heinous crimes such as murder and the like are still forbidden, and many would look the other way at the murder of one who has just murdered, but this year an entire tribe was found dead by another wandering tribe just days after the event.

After wanting yet another reason to sell their wares, the merchants have come together to start Trade Skill Day! This is a day meant to celebrate the craftspeople who make the goods everyone uses; from cooks to blacksmiths to alchemists. The farmers however have decided not to participate after learning that their goods sold would help line the merchant’s pockets more than theirs, and are protesting and making life difficult for those gathering in the city square.

Mortician’s Eve is the night before Ancestor Day, when the morticians and clerics work to ready the grave sites and tombs for those wishing to pay tribute to their late ancestors. Common people spend the night walking around with multicolored candles playing tricks on each other. Unfortunately, this year a trick went too far when mud was slung and hit the side of a royal tomb, releasing a terrible shriek from inside and causing the clerics to go missing.

On Ancestor Day, people visit grave sites of their lost ancestors to pay respects and remember them and their deeds. This is capped off with letting the candles from Mortician’s Eve melt onto the various graves and inside the tombs until they are completely gone, signifying the completed sending of messages to the deceased. However, it would appear all of the candles from the previous night have turned black; a bad omen from legend signifying demons are about.

One of the oddest festivals, Night of the Necromancer, sees benevolent wizards and clerics use their powers to animate the dead to clean up around the community, help harvest crops, and otherwise just help. It serves to both give back to the people as well as reduce the fear of the undead among them. That is, until a bone golem was accidentally summoned and destroyed a city wall before making its way to the mountains.

The Endless War finally ended after 500 years just a few years ago, and the day the peace treaty was signed was dedicated to all the soldiers on both sides who fought and died. People celebrate Soldier Day by respecting their sacrifice and by resolving to understand those different than them. However just a few short years after the war, someone has begun leaving graffiti around major cities inciting violence that threatens to restart the war.

Every year adventurers seek out to slay a roc so that they can use it to feed the surrounding towns with a giant feast. During this feast townsfolk are encouraged to reflect on the last year and thank those who have helped them while also resolving to be humble and ask for help when needed in the next year. The roc population is dwindling, and protesters are threatening to stop the holiday this year.

Merchants look forward to the Winter Festival, where people give gifts to the ones they love as a way to show their feelings. Especially sought over is the frozen rose, actually made of frosted glass, which people give to the one they love as a way or proposing to them. A prince has decided to ruin as many people’s fun this year as possible after his frozen rose was rejected last year by buying every frozen rose he could and smashing them.

In the dead of winter, many small towns celebrate Hearthfire on the first big snow of the year. People are encouraged to stay inside, take a day or two off of work, and spend some quality time with their loved ones and tell stories around the fire. Things start to go awry when the snow continues to pile up and guttural yells can be heard outside and large shadows can be seen outside.

[architect-annabeth]

the demigods as d&d players:

percy - fantastic at combat. gets nat 20s left and right. interested in lore and history of the world but rolls absolute shit at recalling them. gets better with time though. notes are a mess but at least he takes them. comes to games with pcs who have one page backstories because he likes to leave most of the details to the dm since he loves a dramatic backstory reveal and learning more about his character that way. character can be amnesiac, memory wiped, etc and he lives for it.

annabeth - amazing fantastic has never had a pc of hers get killed (unless she wants them to). can never have a character dump intelligence or wisdom because she doesn't think she can play a pc like that. plans and plans for boss fights and encounters. notes are so organized the dm often asks for a copy as well. knows all the rules but doesn’t rules lawyer. even though casters can be broken she proves that noncasters should be feared as well.

nico - min-maxes sometimes not to break the game but to annoy the dm. it works and the dm tries to kill them in return (in fun). a big fan of teleportation spells. tends to miss or not be able to attend games so character just bamfs out for a solo adventure. fails insight checks a lot which makes them interpret his party’s thoughts and intentions wrong unfortunately.

jason - also amazing at combat. tends to tanks and take hits for the party even as his hit points are depleting. gets ko-ed a lot bc of it. unfortunately often gets mind controlled by the enemy and is compelled to fight his own party. diligent note taker. dumps perception so he won’t have to see his party do questionable shit and he’d have to intervene. pcs are generally charismatic but is still surprised when npcs flirt with his character and he has no idea how to respond or chooses to ignore it.

piper - enchantment spells are her bitch. loves to take dm’s monsters and npcs and make them her allies whether they want to or not. her saving throws are hard to beat. often has to be the mediator to prevent her party from becoming murder hobos. interested in the lore and history of the world especially the ones where her pc is involved in. sees injustice towards minorities and will not hesitate to end a bitch’s life through just words.

leo - one word. fireball. also artificer. also great at making ingenious solutions to problems encountered by the party. makes the dm tear their hair out at the creative ways he solves his problems without ever metagaming or breaking the rules. dumps perception so he can try to portray his pcs as adhd. also tries to ‘i seduce the ___’ but never has the charisma rolls to pull it off. learns to drop that later on.

frank - polymorph/wild shape time baby. doesn’t always pick the best beast/animal to turn into but it ends up okay in the end. is always afraid of his pc dying but still risks it all to save his party. likes backstories where his pc makes an unknowing deal with an evil deity in exchange for powers/items/an event to happen which might bring consequences like rage or curses. really just rolls with his party.

hazel - used to be afraid of her pc dying but when it happened once it no longer scared her. got a nat 1 on a death saving throw once and then a nat 20 the next time kind of luck. plays with the theme of death in her character a lot and she loves it. sometimes cares more for the horses that her party bought more then her party and that’s fair. she ran out of rations once but still made sure her horse had food. has the unfortunate ability of finding really good magical items that bring really bad curses.

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E125 (Feb. 16, 2021)

Goooood evening good evening good evening, all! I hope you’re all staying warm and safe and dry in this chilly weather. Tonight’s guests: Travis Willingham and Laura Bailey. 

We open tonight with Travis ribbing Brian for his continuous remodel of his office space. Laura demands a second introduction of herself as she wasn’t paying attention during the first one.

Travis: “You’ve gotta love Julianne Moore. She’s the only actress who can cry and show you all her teeth at the same time.” I was listening pretty closely when he said this and I’m still not sure it had any context. 

Jester thinks there’s a strong possibility at least half the party will die against the Tombtakers. Fjord doesn’t think the odds are quite that high, but it will be dangerous. Laura points out that most of the M9 are also willing to sacrifice themselves for the rest of the party, so that changes their odds as well. Travis: “The game is not a stress reliever. It is not a stress reliever. I mean, it’s fun as shit, but it is stressful!”

Laura thinks Essek will give them a better chance. Travis: “A plus-one? A powerful plus-one, but a plus-one?” Did you see his reaction when we gave him the lowdown? Let’s be real: we kinda trust Essek. I got $50 that when we come back, he’s gone.” Laura is convinced he is trustworthy & wants to lighten his soul.

Jester spent so much time trying to bring out the Molly side of Lucien that to have him then betray them sucked. She knew that trying to bring the good out of everyone they met would eventually fail, but it stung that it was the most powerful one they encountered to first betray them.

She tries to talk about finger gestures during the answer as a reference to the HBO show “Raised by Wolves,” and Brian and Travis tell her to keep digging this hole she gets herself into about fingering. Travis: “Just get off the interstate at the next exit and turn right.” Laura, of course, immediately mimes turning a hard left, and they spent the next few minutes laughing at her inability to tell right from left and that even now she still has to hold up her hands to tell left from right.

Fjord is furious that they nicked the Bag of Holding. The loss of Vess DeRogna is bad enough, but he is genuinely IRL anxious about the loss of the Cloven Crystal. Laura points out that Fjord has also explicitly talked to Lucien about the deep sea creature patron he used to follow as well. He’s terrified one of Lucien’s scimitars is suddenly going to have a big eye sticking out of it. Laura suggests they’ll just succeed, bring back the city, and wake up Uk’otoa for the heck of it.

It was really rough to go from the Gelidon fight to the Tombtaker fight, especially since the first fight sent so well. Travis felt great that he initiated the dragon fight - he knew they had a far advantage in the numbers and felt that it was an open and shut case.

Laura does boggle that if Caleb hadn’t asked for that item from the Bag of Holding, they might have slept all night before realizing it was gone. They’re both relieved that they now know so much more about how the Tombtakers fight, especially the anti-magic cone. The most anxiety-ridden part was when they were trying to run and the TTs weren’t letting them. “You know when you don’t even have squares, when Matt’s black-tableclothing it, you’re in deep shit.” Laura had no spells left - she was so worried if she dropped the polymorph she would have had nothing left.

Travis: “Thanks for healing me, babe.” Laura: “You’re welcome, baby. It was ultimately a waste, though, because we took a rest immediately and you could just spend your hit dice.” Everyone laughs at Travis’s pain. She does say it was worth it in the moment since they didn’t know if they would be able to get away.

They joke that Laura’s just wearing the Fire Resist ring on a chain around her neck/Sprinkle is wearing it now to keep it safe since she’s not attuned to it anymore. It’s pretty hilarious!

Travis hoped that the TTs were originally actively looking for more acolytes rather than just having Caleb & Beau read the book. Otis needs to die. He’s relieved they have an idea of what all their blood rites do. Laura thought the time with them was fun, but it makes her retroactively wish that she’d dropped Zoran in the lava when they had the chance. Travis wishes they’d put a chime on the door of the tower.

Laura loved the tarot card reading, since Taliesin sent her really detailed breakdowns of the cards & gave her a real deck for Christmas. Taliesin told her she did a great job afterwards which she really appreciated, since she’s not sure what she’s doing. She does wish that she knew why Lucien seemed so nervous when she was talking about rebirth.

Cosplay of the Week! @clever_comics on twitter with a lovely Veth in her snowy lavender-colored outfit and pigtails.

Travis on confessing to Jester: “It FUCKING made me crazy!” He’s never been an instigator of campaign romances in the past, but because he loves Laura and was able to connect to her on that level he felt like it was a good challenge instead. He doesn’t think he could have done it with someone he wasn’t comfortable with. It was also important to him for it to be founded on real-game moments and after real-game time had passed, and he felt it was a very natural progression. Seeing the statues rip five years from her in such a benign situation made him realize that to let the opportunity pass wouldn’t have been worth it. He wishes he’d told Vandran what he meant to Fjord as well.

Laura loves that Fjord is becoming more confident as well. The post-Gelidon smooch took Laura completely by surprise since she’s finding Jester is a little surprisingly awkward with IRL affection, and she was surprised Fjord was the confident one there. “It’s so wonderful. It’s a matter of finding a way to get comfortable with it with her away from the Tombtakers.” Travis thought it was important to continue the “go for it” mantra. He notes that he’s pretty private about his personal life IRL, so it’s been a bit of a shift. It’s slower in a way - not a “you’re my one true love” kind of thing, more of a “let’s see where this goes and act on what you can” thing.

They were all “poopin’ in their pants” to get to go to Emon. The worst part was not getting to explore outside the tower since they had to leave again immediately. Kima is so cool, and Travis was actively trying to get Kima to come with them. Everyone boggles that they got to borrow Allura’s staff.

Laura only was thinking about the item-tuned-to-the-target-plane because she’d been texting with Liam trying to iron out their spell choices. She’s so relieved that they were able to get something tuned to the Sea from Allura.

For the most part, Laura knows what spells are the most useful for Jester, but every now and then she does get caught by major component requirements that she hadn’t noted. She wants to get another chalice for Hero’s Feast before they go into the Sea.

Dani points out that a lot of their allies right now are mages (no Kashaws, no Kimas, no Grogs) and they’re heading to a bad place for mages.

Travis has a sudden brain wave about all the TTs being from the Claret Order and wonders if they should investigate that before they pursue. I don’t even remember what that order is and I feel terrible!

Fanart of the Week! It’s a beautiful card by @crovyne on twitter of the Cree counterspell.

Laura really wants Brian to shave the sides of his hair and do Viking braids in the rest. I didn’t want to say anything out loud, but Brian’s hair is really looking pretty...pandemicky.

This is Dani’s four-year-anniversary of her start for Critical Role! Awww, Dani! You’re so short in real life.

Fjord is stoked that the Star Razor is a Vestige, and more now that he knows in-character what that means. It was great to see Allura react the way she did.

Jester doesn’t think they can really go to Nicodranas - they don’t have anymore time. Even more, Jester’s avoiding going home because she doesn’t want the Ruby to see that she got aged up/hurt on her travels.

Travis honestly assumes that the TTs are spying on them 100% of the time now.

Does Jester feel better now that the crest is away from Lucien? Yes, even though it’s gone off course. She thought dropping the crest where they were was a HORRIBLE idea and was appalled so many people were suggesting it. She saw the city with her own eyes, knows the danger of what’s coming, and if they had dropped it in flight she would have dropped with it and defended it as long as she could if that’s what would have kept them from getting it.

Travis thinks that if they can negotiate with Lucien, they should try. Everyone is super worried about Caleb’s and Beau’s new eyes and are fully anticipating they’re on a clock at this point. They wonder if it’ll drive up their exhaustion, allow Lucien to force them to fight against them, maybe make them willing slaves to the mysterious voice...they need to solve it sooner rather than later. 

And that’s all for tonight! New episode this Thursday - usual time, usual place. Stay warm, friends, and is it Thursday yet?

[theotter99]

So, here’s our gang. My PC! Ghurl! He is a warforged that is actually the clone of the real Ghurl. Real Ghurl will be named Emo to make things more simpler. He is a grumpy little halfling. Ryhalla is a travelling bard that is trying to find work and is just happy to be here. Agorn is one of Monsoon’s goons and is friends with Emo. They are all bards. They are about to go on a quest that they appointed themselves because no one else thought they were good enough. 

This is the first time Ghurl and Emo are finally able to meet

The Ghurl’s are drinking at a bar

Waiter: Can i get a name for the order?

The Ghurl’s say their name.

Waiter: That's a weird name.

Ghurl’s: We know.

Waiter leaves

Ghurl: How do you think she spelled it?

Emo: That’s not important right! And we both know how she spelled it

2.Emo: “They told you to stay behind too?”

Ghurl: Yep

Emo: I can't believe they set us bards aside. They said I would be too emotional!

Ghurl: They told me that too!

The two processes to loudly agree, emotional

3.Emo tries to give Ghurl a new name to make things less confusing. Emo tries to name him Robo. It doesn't stick. We spend the whole session referring to both of them as Ghurl.

The whole session,

DM: He then attacks Ghurl

Me: Which one?

4. Ryhalla appears and falls down the stairs. She's struggling to find work because there's too many bards in Waterdeep. She's just happy to be here

5. Agorn appears. He will flirt with Ryhalla the entire session. Ryhalla is clueless 

6. Emo: We have to go back to the sewers. 

No one likes that except for Ryhalla, whose never seen a sewer before

7. Rat people cult returns

8. Ghurl pulls out month’s old cabbage from his bag. Everyone questions why he has cabbage and I as a player doesn’t remember why I have it in my inventory 

9. The gang of four bards walk down the sewer, singing

10. The gang songs throughout the session but needs to fight their greatest enemy, CREATIVE BLOCK, to make the best rocking music 

11. Agorn and Ryhalla uses Vicious Mockery to defeat Creative Block while the Ghurl’s do what they do best- stab it

12. “This song is easy to write, just like how it was easy to do your mom!” 

13. Ryhalla learns that there’s poop in the sewers. She doesn’t want to be there anymore.

14.The bards try to step over a pit, but fails an athletics check and starts yelling for help as they hang on the ledge. Ghurl processes to step over the ledge easily.

The gang: How did you? What's your strength?

Ghurl: Um... 16?

The gang: What? How do you have 16 strength??? You're a bard!

15. Emo: Maybe I still have a chance with that cute carpenter

Ghurl: (Coughing) Oh, oh yeah. Yep. You did.

Emo: What? No. You didn’t! That was supposed to be my date! 

16. The gang has to jump over another pit. Only two bards fall this time. Yay! 

17. The gang makes short jokes at Emo’s expense. Ghurl tries to chime in but Emo says no, Ghurl is tall now and is not allowed to say anything. Ghurl towers over everyone else at 6 foot and 5 inches

18. Emo refers to under his pants as his lucky charms 

19. The Ghurl’s start fighting, hitting each other’s scars and bruises that they got over the years to make it really hurt. Ghurl gets tired and picks up Emo. The halfling starts biting his fingers

20. The gang leaves the sewers and enters a weed shop as “Bad Boys” plays in the background

21. Emo is polymorphed into a T-Rex and looks at Ghurl like, “Look who’s tall now.” 

22. Agorn says he sees Emo as a little brother. Emo is at least five years older than Agorn 

23. The gang goes over enemy lines to play music. It’s a hit! The bugbear audience is waving glow sticks and t-shirts are being sold at the end of the show. We have no idea where the t-shirts came from

24. “The band is breaking up???” “Oh yay! The band is back together!” 

25. Ryhalla: We’ll be back to play same time next week! 

Ghurl: (Sweating) This place won’t exist in a week

26. Purple Nurple 

27. Agorn is still flirting with Ryhalla. Ghurl tells Agorn that he thinks Ryhalla is clueless and that Agorn should just talk to her. Agorn refuses because bards must be dramatic. The DM reveals to me that Ryhalla is asexual. (Me too, girl. Aces unite!) 

28. Ryhalla is just happy to be here

29. The gang jokingly pretends to fall down some stairs. Ghurl then actually falls down the stairs

30. Agorn and Ghurl compares what kind of creatures they’ve slept with. Emo doesn’t what to hear about how a null stepped on his clone’s face

31. Ryhalla mentions she has dark vision. Everyone groans. It’s always dark vision

32. The gang gets stuck in a very tight hallway and is pressed up against each other. Ghurl tries to open a door to escape, but it's a pull door, not a push

33. Emo and Agorn starts arguing because one of them smells and they’re trapped in a stinking hallway! 

34. They are still in that damn hallway

Ryhalla: Ghurl, you feel so warm. Can I hug you?

Agorn: (crying) It could have been me!

35. Ghurl finally manages to open the door and everyone falls into the next room

36. The gang is still in enemy territory that will be attacked in a few days. The gang chats with every enemy like their good friends

37. A goblin shows off a self portrait he did and says how excited he is to retire in a week

Ghurl: (crying) This place isn’t going to exist in a week

38. The gang is trying to convince everyone that they are the hired entertainment

Ghurl: Someone must be celebrating something? An anniversary? A birthday?

Random foot solider: (Gasping) You, you guys didn’t. (He feels like the luckiest person in the world) You did this for my birthday? 

39. Ghurl: How old are you turning?

Solider: Eight.

40. Birthday foot solider: I can’t wait to live out my adult years!

Ghurl: (Crying again) This place won’t exist in a week

41. The most epic happy birthday song is performed 

42. An actual fight happens! Not with creative block! 

43. Ryhalla takes out a saxophone and star sunglasses. Agorn uses his drums. Emo borrows Ghurl’s warlute. Ghurl, the robot, has a set of piano keys come out of him. They pose, ready to fight. A rock version of Undertale's Death by Glamour plays. The coolest art piece made by Doctor Yog is posed. “Let’s show them what a couple of bards can do.” They fight!

44. Four bugbears crit fails and kill themselves 

45. The general of the group taunts both Ghurl’s about kidnapping and cutting off their sister’s arm. The gang precedes to put all of their debuffs on him. He is slow, paralyzed, prone, and is stuck with reverse bardic inspiration. All while he is forced to dance. The general is truly humiliated 

46. With the power of music, the gang does one last attack and the general dissolves into nothingness 

47. The DM is shocked. The general never got to make a single move 

48. Ryhalla decides to call their band, “Death by Glamour”

49. Ryhalla gets a job in Forced Gray and everyone jumps for joy to celebrate, even grumpy little Emo

50. Emo learns the power of family and that he is truly, truly loved, despite his fear of opening up and loving others. He is happy. The silly, silly session ends with me crying 

I had my solo dnd session last night and I feel like I need to write down every single silly thing that happened. For what's better than one bard on a quest?

4 bards!

[wardensantoineandevka]

General D&D question time: have you seen the changes WoTC are making to statblocks in future books? If so, what do you think of them?

I have, and I think all of them are fantastic! I've been following it since the release of Wild Beyond The Witchlight, which already contains the changes. If you haven't been following the developments on Twitter, Wizards published an article by Jeremy Crawford yesterday walking through the changes. My copy of WBTW arrived today coincidentally, so I can pull up some great examples (apologies for bad photos). I will disclaimer that I am not a DM (though I want to!), and I haven't DM'd, but I've spoken a lot to DMs and read about their reactions to this. So, my thoughts here are from following thoughts of DMs and how I am personally approaching this as someone who would be new to DMing using these blocks.

I think the layout of the new statblocks is fantastic. I love listing the proficiency bonus, I love bonus actions having their own section. The reorganization is super intuitive and friendly to use, and it makes it easier to quickly understand what combat abilities are available.

I also like that statblocks for named characters include a personality trait, an ideal, a bond, and a flaw that offer very clear direction for roleplaying and combat notes that offer guidance on efficiently using this statblock. This is extremely DM-friendly and makes prep-work a lot simpler. Figuring out how the statblock expects you to PLAY this character in combat is often a harrowing experience.

If you've noticed in the Warduke, alignments make a return in WBTW and will be featured in upcoming books. I know alignments are not popular, but I like them! The Player's Handbook (and Crawford, in his article) describes alignment of a creature as "broadly describing its moral and personal attitudes" and that the behavior it describes is only typical and absolutely not everyone behaves that way. I like alignments as a general structure for roleplaying, as it helps give an idea of how to approach roleplaying an NPC or a creature. So, I think "only named characters have a specific alignment, and creatures with strong moral inclination have 'typically' preceding an alignment suggestion" is a good move.

People are really worried about about the spellcasting changes, but I think they're fantastic. I recommend reading the Crawford article for the full explanation. Nixing spell slots for NPCs and translating all their spells to be X/day is HUGELY helpful. Tracking spell slots as a DM is awful, and this simplifies the process immensely. But, I think paring down the spells list to focus more on utility is a great move. It makes it easier to understand how an NPC should function in combat and cuts down on the number of spells one needs to cross-reference to figure out what they even do.

There are vocal concerns out in the community that moving things out of spellcasting and making them magical actions instead effectively makes Counterspell without any use cases, but I don't agree. Hold Person, Charm Person, Banishment, Hypnotic Pattern, Polymorph, Plane Shift, Dominate Beast, Fly, Faerie Fire, Irresistible Dance, Mass Suggestion, Finger of Death, Dispel Magic, Teleport, Wish, Maze are all spells I spotted in the spellcasting section in WBTW that I would as a player consider Counterspelling—and I can think of many more utility spells I'd Counterspell immediately. Utility spells offer great value, and they are indeed still worth negating. Spells also cast from items also remain open to being Counterspelled, such as in the case of NPCs wearing Boots of Levitation or using a Staff of Power.

Generally, I think giving spellcasting NPCs a magical action that cannot be Counterspelled to defend themselves with is good. It actually allows spellcasters the ability to threaten the party even if a Counterspell is on the table, which is often a struggle with having spellcasting NPCs, and makes them capable of actually putting up a fight. This just shifts the rhythm and what you can may consider focusing on negating with a Counterspell.

Overall, my verdict is that the changes are all great and positive.

[keeppushingme-bookboy]

literally the idea of Essek getting polymorphed into something lives in my brain rent free because you KNOW that the Spooky Scary Shadowhand has rarely used that spell, if ever, and definitely not in the same way Caleb does. good luck preserving your dignity when you're turned into a giant eagle with six seconds of warning, hot boi.

Lmaooo I need Animal Essek being confused at his new predicament so bad. Seeing the way Caleb behaves when his intelligence score is halved just makes me want to know what all of our other favorite wizards would do with Head Empty Disease and a new set of wings

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #147: Gorgon

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re making the one goddess of the three goddess alliance who actually had some skin in the game, Gorgon! This misbegotten monstrosity of a Medusa is made of a Undead Warlock for some scary surprises and the ability to make all her enemies into statues as well as a Rune Knight Fighter for a bit of help winning at basketball.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: Purrsonally I purrfurred Tamamo Cat, but ny’all can pick whichefur you want!

Race and Background

Sadly there aren’t any large player races, but we can still go Yuan Ti for all the goodies you get from there! As a snerson (snake person), you come equipped with Darkvision, Innate Spellcasting for Poison Spray and Animal Friendship (to snakes) at will. Starting at third level, you’ll also be able to use Suggestion once per long rest. All these spells use Charisma to cast. Finally, you get a defensive buff thanks to Magic Resistance and Poison Immunity. The former gives you advantage on saves against magic, while the latter makes you immune to poison damage and the poisoned condition.

Since you’re the only goddess in the alliance that believes in the destruction of humanity, we’ll call you the Goddess Alliance Cultist, but we’re messing with the background a bit, so instead you’ll get proficiency with Athletics and Religion.

Ability Scores

If you want monstrous Strength, you better be ready to invest a lot in it. As a walking apocalypse, you’re pretty scary-that’s Charisma. You can’t be a video game boss without plenty of Constitution either, so make that #3. Your strongest weapons are based on your eyesight, so make Wisdom next. Surprisingly enough Guda didn’t try to defeat the giant rampaging monster with a math quiz, so we’ll just have to assume your Intelligence is average. That means we’re dumping Dexterity. You are literally a giant target, it’s not that surprising. 

Class Levels

1. Fighter 1: Fighters start off with a better hit die, plus you get proficiency with Strength and Constitution saves as well as Intimidation and Survival checks. Your Unarmed Fighting Style lets you punch people for 1d6 damage, or 1d8 if both your hands are empty. You’re not big on “weapons”, so that’s fine by you. You also get a Second Wind, letting you regrow some snake heads as a bonus action. I might be getting my myths mixed up.

2. Warlock 1: Quite a bit of your power is coming on loan from Tiamat, and she literally can’t die, making you an Undead warlock. This gives you Pact Magic, spells you cast with Charisma that recharge on short rests. You also gain a Form of Dread, transforming a little bit into Tiamat for 1 minute. While transformed, you gain temporary HP, can force a wisdom save (DC 8+proficiency+charisma mod) to frighten a creature you attack once per turn, and you become immune to being frightened yourself. You can transform proficiency times per long rest.

Going back to spells, you get a lot of them thanks to your background. For cantrips, you get Fire Bolt and Vicious Mockery, and for first level spells you get Burning Hands, Dissonant Whispers, and Hellish Rebuke. There’s a lot of fire in there, but we can reflavor it in a couple of levels, don’t worry. 

As far as spells we can choose, you get Blade Ward to make up for the 9 AC you’re rocking by gaining resistance on most physical attacks, Eldritch Blast to shoot snake hair at your foes, Armor of Agathys to make attacking you a losing proposition thanks to your temporary HP and counterattack, and Arms of Hadar for more snakes, turning the area within 10′ of you into a snake pit.

3. Warlock 2: Second level warlocks get Eldritch Invocations, letting you customize your eternal servitude how you see fit. We’re swapping one next level, but use the other to get Armor of Shadows, boosting your 9 AC to an amazing 12 AC! Wow!

You also learn the spell Hex, cursing someone to deal 1d6 extra necrotic damage and giving disadvantage on one kind of ability check.

4. Fighter 2: Second level fighters get an Action Surge, letting you slap an extra action onto your turn once per short rest. Raid bosses can cheat the action economy a bit, everyone knows that.

5. Warlock 3: Gorgon did give us a bit of trouble when it came to their pact boon- she doesn’t use weapons, doesn’t rely on familiars, and she’s definitely not a bookwyrm. By process of elimination, you’ve earned the Pact of the Talisman, giving you a trinket that can add 1d4 to a failed ability check proficiency times per long rest.

That alone isn’t particularly scary, but the invocation Rebuke of the Talisman lets you deal a bit of psychic damage and push an attacking creature away from you as a reaction.

You also get the prerequisite flood of second level spells- from your background, you get Crown of Madness, Enthrall, and Flaming Sphere. Honestly I think Enthrall works for you- it’s not like there’s something out there that’s more distracting than you, right?

You also learn Hold Person for baby’s first petrification.

6. Warlock 4: If your AC’s really going to be that bad, we should at least use this Ability Score Improvement to bump up your Constitution for better HP. You also learn Infestation to summon your first Demonic Beasts (they’re just small) and Earthbind to stone up flying creatures enough to force them to land.

7. Warlock 5: Fifth level warlocks get another invocation and third level spells! From your background you get Fear and Haste, both of which are actually in character for you! You also learn to Summon Lesser Demons for some small-fry demonic beasts. Just remember you don’t actually count as a demon yourself in D&D, so they will happily kill you as soon as anyone else.

You also get the invocation Cloak of Flies, giving you a poisonous 5′ aura that you can invoke as a bonus action once per short rest. The aura gives you advantage on intimidation checks, but disadvantage on all other checks, and deals damage to anything within it equal to your charisma modifier. Just be glad Guda didn’t summon your other sisters.

8. Warlock 6: Sixth level undeadlocks are Grave Touched, meaning you no longer need to eat, drink or breathe- the full servant experience! You can also replace the damage of any attack with necrotic damage, and while your Form of Dread is up, you add an extra die of damage to the attack as well!

You also learn how to make a Spirit Shroud, dealing extra necrotic, cold, or radiant damage on all attacks you make within 10′ of yourself. You also slow down creatures that start their turn in the shroud.

9. Fighter 3: As a Rune Knight, you become a Rune Carver, letting you stick runes on weapons, armor, jewelry, or other small objects for small bonuses-you can also invoke them once per short rest for bigger bonuses. 

The Fire rune doubles your tool proficiencies, and you can also invoke the rune add extra fire (or necrotic) damage to the attack. If it fails a strength save (dc 8+proficiency+intelligence modifier) it becomes restrained, and takes extra fire damage each turn.

The Stone rune gives advantage on insight checks, and gives you extended darkvision. You can also use your reaction to charm creatures who end their turn near you, leaving them incapacitated if they fail a wisdom save.

More importantly, you also get Giant Might, using a bonus action to grow to Large size for a minute. While transformed, you have advantage on strength checks and save, and deal an extra d6 damage per weapon attack. You can transform proficiency times per long rest.

10. Warlock 7: Seventh level warlocks get fourth level spells. From your background: Confusion and Wall of Fire. Neither are great for us, but you also get Shadow of Moil, making attacking you an even worse idea thanks to a necrotic counterattack.

You also get the invocation Protection of the Talisman, letting you add a d4 to a failed save proficiency times per long rest.

11. Warlock 8: Use this ASI to bump up your Charisma for better spells, and to make it easier to control your new spell, Summon Greater Demon. For up to an hour, you can summon a demon of CR 5 or lower. If it continually fails a charisma save each turn, it will obey you. Otherwise it’ll run wild. Honestly? Both work for you.

12. Warlock 9: Fifth level spell time! You know what? Since we’re not making a Tiamat build, we might as well have some fun with the primordial sea while we still can. Dominate Person, Danse Macabre, and Minions of Chaos will help you raise a Ushiwakamaru Alter army in whatever flavor you prefer- living, undead, or elemental!

13. Warlock 10: Our last undead goody makes you a Mortal Husk, giving you resistance to necrotic damage (or immunity while using Form of Dread). On top of that, once per 1d4 long rests you can blow up your body when you hit 0 HP, dealing necrotic damage in the area and reviving yourself with 1 HP. It’s one hell of a guts skill, but it does give you some exhaustion.

We also continue our Ushiwakamarufication tour with Negative Energy Flood, a spell that deals tons of necrotic damage and turns a target into a zombie if it kills them. It can even heal your existing zombiwakamarus! 

14. Warlock 11: Your Mystic Arcanum gives you the option to cast Flesh to Stone once per long rest. If a targeted creature fails a constitution save three times, they become stone. If they succeed three times, they escape. If you keep concentration on the spell for the full minute while they’re petrified, it lasts until dispelled. 

15. Warlock 12: Our last warlock level is another ASI, which we’re putting into Constitution for better concentration checks and more HP. You also get the invocation Sculptor of Flesh, letting you cast Polymorph once per long rest. Have you ever wanted to actually be a giant snake? Now you can! (You can also do, like, a T. Rex, if you wanna powergame.)

16. Fighter 4: Another ASI already? Bump up your Strength for better punching. That’ll be relevant soon.

17. Fighter 5: It’s soon! This level gives you an Extra Attack each attack action, for two punches per action, or four in a turn with Action Surge.

18. Fighter 6: Use this ASI to bump up your Constitution for even more HP.

19. Fighter 7: Seventh level rune knights can use their Runic Shield to force a creature to re-roll their attack when they hit an ally. You can do this proficiency times per long rest. You also get the Hill rune, which has absolutely useless passives, but you can invoke it as a bonus action to get resistance to physical attacks for a minute.

20. Fighter 8: You thought we were gonna max out our constitution this level, right? WRONG! Grab that Tough feat for an extra 40 HP!

Pros:

Thanks to your Spirit Shroud being forcibly maxed out, you have terrifying short range damage options. With an action surge, your Form of Dread, and two eldritch blasts, you can deal 16d10+24d8 Necrotic damage in a single turn, and that’s not even including any critical hits! That gives you an average damage just shy of 200, and a possible maximum of 352. Plus rolling that many dice is probably really satisfying.

Adding to that, you have plenty of other reasons for enemies to avoid melee range- your counterattack game is wild. Armor of Agathys, Hellish Rebuke, Shadow of Moil, Cloak of Flies... getting too close to you really is dangerous.

For a mostly spellcaster build, you are incredibly thick. With over 200 hp and a couple different ways to give yourself protection from most attacks, it will take a lot of hits to topple this kaiju.

Cons: 

Speaking of a lot of hits, you’ll be taking those! Your AC is only 12, 14 at best if you’re hasted. Of course this problem could be solved with some heavy armor, but I doubt they make it in your size.

You also have a heavy focus on Necrotic damage, meaning that your options will become much more limited against undead, Aasimar, and demons.

Speaking of, you summon Demons. That’s kind of a deal breaker for a lot of adventuring parties. It’s not even like you could keep a low profile for plausible deniability, people are going to notice the big snake lady hanging around the demon attacks.

[pricemarshfield]

A quick Fabian & Adaine friendship fic for @adairable-dirks , which they requested literally months ago. (Hints of unrequited Aydaine and discussion of Fabian/Aelwyn but really not a ship fic for either.) SLIGHT season 2 spoilers Adair but nothing super plot-relevant.

They pretty much all stay at Mordred, at this point.

Obviously Fig and Kristen live here with Adaine, but it’s easier to get Riz to sleep when they can tempt him with sleepovers, and Gorgug appreciates the opportunity to stretch in his sleep every now and then, and Fabian...

Well, his thing with Aelwyn’s still going, Adaine supposes.

She doesn’t hate it as much as she used to, but she’s still not a fan. Aelwyn’s making an effort to improve herself, and Fabian’s gotten far less egocentric since Leviathan, but the two together is still...strange.

“It’s not that you’re into Fabian, are you?” Aelwyn asks, and Adaine gags so hard that Tracker laughs.

“Absolutely not,” Adaine says after she can regain her composure. “I’m not even a little interested in Fabian, what gave you that idea?”

Aelwyn looks at her, calculating and cautious in a way that’s far from the casual cruelty she used to treat Adaine with but similar enough to set Adaine on edge, just a little. “What about your other friend? The one from break? What’s her name again?”

Tracker sits up slightly from where she’s leaning against the wall, eyes flicking between the two of them.

“You saw nothing,” Adaine says to her adoptive cousin, and casts Ray of Sickness at her sister. (For old times’ sake--she’s got plenty of better spells now.)

Aelwyn manages to resist the spell, but lets the topic drop.

So she’s thinking of Fabian and Aelwyn later, is the thing, so it’s not actually indicative of what she thinks of Aelwyn later when Fabian knocks on her door, eyes red, and Adaine immediately says, “I will punch her for you.”

“What?” Fabian says, and his voice isn’t raw and scratchy, but a quiet kind of hoarse that Adaine’s familiar with.

“Oh,” Adaine says. “Nothing, never mind, what’s wrong? Aelwyn’s not here right now, you can come in.” Fabian’s shoulders drop a little. Adaine notices the bags under his eyes, the way he’s holding his arm, and asks, “Are you...okay?”

“Of course,” Fabian says, but as charismatic as he is, Adaine knows him well.

“I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong,” Adaine says, because she’s not the nice one of her friend group, and she’s not good at comforting anyone.

Fabian knows her, though. Knows what she’s like, and came here anyway. Or...wait.

“Were you here for Aelwyn?” Adaine asks, stepping aside so he can walk in. Fabian doesn’t answer, which is almost definitely a yes. “I can go get her?”

“No,” Fabian says quickly. “No, it’s--fine.”

Adaine closes the door and walks him towards their new couch. The bed is still new enough that it’s a little sawdusty, and there’s something very weird about sitting with her friend and her sister’s maybe-boyfriend on a bed her sister sleeps in, so. Couch. That’s smart, right? Get him sitting? He seems tired.

“It’s obviously not fine,” she says, too late for it to seem natural, and Fabian chuckles a little. “You don’t have to talk to me, but I’m here.”

Fabian’s quiet for a bit, leaning into the arm of the couch. It bends slightly; Adaine casts Mending and it snaps back into place. Fabian doesn’t wince in pain, so it’s probably not physical.

That’s not great. Adaine can handle physical. (She took a couple classes in medicine, after Aelwyn in the forest, after what it felt like to not be able to help, for all her magic.)

“Cathilda’s a hundred and fifteen years old,” Fabian says eventually.

“Oh,” Adaine says. “That’s still not too old, for a halfling.”

“I’m going to live until I’m 180, probably,” Fabian says, voice dull in a way it hasn’t been since right after Leviathan. Adaine forces herself to think about something other than her lifespan and how it compares to almost two centuries. “I don’t--”

He doesn’t cry. Adaine wouldn’t have told anyone if he did, but he doesn’t. He does stop talking abruptly, take a deep breath.

“I always knew I was going to outlive my father,” Fabian says. “He made sure to tell me often. But Cathilda...I never really thought about her not being in my life.”

“I’m--” Adaine says, and cuts herself off. “I won’t say I’m sorry because that just...falls flat. But if I could change it? I would.”

“That’s what I said,” Fabian says, eyes wide, sitting up suddenly enough that Adaine startles. “Kristen could revivify, and I’m sure soon enough we’ll be able to do true resurrections, and you can polymorph her younger!” (Adaine takes that idea, makes a note of it, thinking of Jawbone and Ayda and everyone, of them with her forever, for as long as she hold them closer.) “She told me she doesn’t--”

Fabian stops talking again.

“Doesn’t what?” Adaine asks after a full minute passes. (She counts, when she’s nervous. A trick Jawbone taught her.)

“I’m her boy,” Fabian says, and even though he’s clearly having a bad day, there’s an undercurrent of pride in that. “But she’s had other children. She wants to see them, one day.”

Adaine shrugs. “We can plane shift to heaven every now and then. She doesn’t have to. You know.”

Fabian nods slowly. “I...suppose I’ll ask her that.”

“I can still get Kristen or Fig if you want to talk to someone more...you know,” Adaine says.

“No,” Fabian says. “I mean, I didn’t come here for--I just wanted to be distracted.”

“Disgusting,” Adaine says. “Horrific. Never say that to me again. I should throw you out the window.”

Fabian laughs. “As if you could.”

“I am strong now,” Adaine reminds him, nudging him gently with her elbow.

“You are,” Fabian says, smiling at her. “But talking to you did help, Adaine.”

“Good,” Adaine says. “I’m glad.”

“Could I crash on this couch tonight?” Fabian asks. “I’d go home but I think Cathilda might need some space. The conversation got rather...hectic.”

“Sure,” Adaine says. “If you do anything with my sister while I’m in here, I swear to Cassandra I will use Adaine’s Furious Fists to punch you both.”

Fabian nods, and says, “A spell from Ayda, hm?”

Without any magic at all, Adaine decks him.

[readbythestarlight]

c2e123

Fuck y’all I’m so scared

Let’s just all really focus some positive energy and pray nobody dies

So like Lucien knew they were plotting right

But he’s also superstitious as fuck and for whatever reason doesn’t want to kill them yet

So like he lets them read the book to tie them to him right

Like insurance

[[MORE]]

Fjord’s like "this is fucked I hope there’s a good explanation for this"

And there’s NOT the only explanation is that they’re MORONS who read a book they shouldn’t have

Veth NO

Yasha is like nO

Yasha is so WORRIED

Things just start happening for them and now Beau is cursed and it’s so unfair

Not the diamonds!!

If you don’t have at least enough diamonds to resurrect at LEAST half the party then you don’t have enough don’t waste them

Guys you can’t cut off their limbs

Does HE see through them or does the Somnovum

Travis is enjoying this way too much

Caleb. FUCKING. Widogast. Do NOT look at the book and Yasha you need to SHUT UP girl.

Oh boys wolves

Oh boy something WORSE than wolves?

MOTHER

FUCKER

IS IT *THE* WHITE DRAGON?

Shit shit fuck

Okay good maybe it’s after the wolves

Oh no it’s

Oh noooooo

FUCK A DUCK

NOOOOOOO

I knew it I knew it was her fuck

If anything we’ll see how powerful/actually pathetic Lucien is now but

Fuck man

Fjord!! Babe!!

I hope they kick dragon ass and Lucien /fears/ them

I also hope the Tomb Takers don’t let them do all the damage, saving their own spells while letting the M9 exhaust themselves to make easier targets

Legendary action from Lucien?? But okay it’s just a hold type action thing??

It’s nice that the TT’s are actually helping

Beau being up on top of her still is bad

See okay you’d think that the dragon would be the worst thing to happen tonight but this does not explain why it’s gonna be an extra long episode so now I’m just trying to decide what will be WORSE than the dragon

...cone of... what...

72 points oh fuck

Cad: "I’m a one wolf wolf pack, come on." xD

DAMN Veth

78 points of damage!

85!! Even better

MATT

Oh thank god for not doing that to poor Yasha

True Love’s Heal

Okay so I’ve been avoiding social media all day so I have no idea what’s coming but apparently the episode is almost SIX HOURS?! And the dragon fight can’t possibly lay THAT’ much longer so y’all I am AFRAID

Right okay Beau’s gonna get swallowed yet, lovely

And now she’s trying to fly AWAY

L: “Let him have her” you FUCK

Yasha immediately like “I’m gonna go running”

The Tomb Takers suck confirmed

Like forreal I wanted them to kill Lucien anyway but now I just want them to kill him *with extreme prejudice*

Caleb’s like “I got you empire sis!!”

Oh OUCH

But good job, Caleb

I hope now they finally realize there isn’t any Molly left in him

Why kill Otis when he seems like possibly a partially decent person

Like fuck Cree and Lucien sure

Yasha like “oh yeah I forgot about this lance strapped to my back, let’s fuck up this dragon!”

YES Yasha good throw! Do some damage

lol okay not much but I like the “Don’t touch my girlfriend!!” vibes

Oh c’mon Matt let her rage throw a grenade xD

So many Nat 20s this fight

Which I’m sure means they’re gonna miss the Nat 20s later

Nice healing Caduceus!

wow it’s good that he healed her huh

Here she goooooooes

“If it’s going we’re gonna let it go—“

Ashley: “I summoned this bitch we’re gonna END her!”

I’m glad she’s gone. They can deal with her later.

Also fuck Lucien.

Yaaaaas Fjord call him out

lmao Jester

Also unfortunately he’s got a point I guess but he still fucking sucks

I don’t know who I want to get the HDYWTDT on Lucien but right now I’m leaning between Cad and Jester and Fjord

KISS

“Anything for my Fjord”

lmao Veth xD

F: “What, I’m mad for her!”

V: “That’s a thing now?!”

It’s just Dagon I hope

Dagon during the dragon fight just like “wtf” like is it actually worth getting paid at this point man

They keep saying his name and not GOING to Essek and it makes me sad

Would polymorph let him keep his chair??

Listen I want Essek here but at the same time I do NOT want Essek here during the longest goddamn episode of the series

Okay okay shit they’re REALLY close, if they’re going to get help then Dagon is gonna have to BOOK it and the. Essek is gonna have to make up his mind QUICK

Oh god I hope there’s no dreams

Okay good some answers to some questions

Is hot boi planning to help? - YES

Can the eyes be used against them? - unknown

Do the TT plan to sacrifice them? - ...Unknown but probably not?

We got a solid yes about Essek tho which makes me happy because it really cements that whole he’s loyal to them

He’s so USELESS I love him

I hope this whole his being useless thing doesn’t hurt he and Jester’s relationship tbh

Mother FUCK

they STOLE their BAG

Fucking fuck those fucking sons of rats

MOTHER

FUCKERS

Not the BAG

They haven’t even RESTED

So they really did just need the damn crest the whole time so if y’all had just sent it off

Fuck

I agree I want the bag back

I’m so fucking SCARED we can’t go into this fight with no rest and low spell slots

Oh god okay oh god here we go

He’s gonna cut their spells

Blood curse of the EYELESS tho?

“That’s like an insta death”

Y: “better not be, I’ll kill him”

What did he do to Cad’s STUFF??

What did he do to CAD?!!!!

Okay not just Cas cause Caleb too so it’s an area

Stay AWAY from my boy

Oh god oh god

FUCK Lucien

“Oh like a beholder?”

YES EXACTLY

Poor Caduceus is so stressed!!

Counter counter counterspell

I’m so stressed I haven’t been able to make myself type

But I swear that if they weren’t half spent from the dragon they’d have managed to whoop them

YES Fjord YES smart boy

Fuck you Lucien

Honestly if they’d had al their spells they’d have done so much better against him

Oh my GOD though that was TENSE

But nobody’s DEAD thank god

But forreal I really think that if they had all their spells and health they could have taken them

And the best part is NOW they can FINALLY go to Essek!!

Love you too, Matt!

[spoiler1001]

Caleb gets the ability to turn into a cat at will. (whether via magic item or spell or something idk.) Molly's cat like behaviors are subsequently increased.

Caleb could be a lucky bastard sometimes. Sometimes his bad situations had good consequences. 

Caleb was infected by a werecat. 

Caleb didn't think much of it. The rest of the group was upset but Caleb seemed to be happy. Molly was happy that Caleb was happier. The strength and dexterity boost was nice, making his spells more graceful and he had the strength to pick up Molly. 

If Molly was into that, that was his own goddamn business. 

Molly remembered when Caleb started purring. Molly was cuddling Caleb after he was recovering from his werecat bite. It got him on the arm, opposite of the mark of the eye on his arm. 

When he first turned, Molly had no idea what he expected Caleb to turn into. The cheetah was a good surprise. He did not know that those could purr. Or meow. Molly always tried to resist laughing at the squeak. Molly gave into the temptation every time.

Caleb retained the feline characteristics as a human. His eyes were slits. He could see in the dark, but still held Molly's hand during the moments hand during moments of darkness. 

Caleb could purr. Cheetahs could and did and so could Caleb now.

Molly found himself sleeping on Caleb's chest. Caleb would be in deep sleep, his own rumble in his chest is so low and thick. Like when a mammoth sleeps. Molly chuckled at the thought in his sleep. 

Molly joined in with his purr-snoring. His tail twitched in Molly's sleep. 

Caleb held Molly close to him as he woke up. Molly was deep in sleep. Molly's hands gripped Caleb's shirt. Maybe He was dreaming of when he was attacked.

That attack was so bloody. Molly was fine with Caleb being able to turn into a cat, but…

Trent had sent a student after Caleb. The werecat was a good tracker. Enhanced senses. Hunting him. It took days. The werecat was half transformed. Didn't use claws. She dug a knife into Caleb's chest. Caleb gasped and clawed at her, with the skin breaking. The student hissed and bit Caleb, in the throat. He was bloody. Thankfully the night wasn't that deep and looked worse than it was.

Caleb was fading in and out of consciousness when he was found. He had no idea who found him. Molly found him. 

The group remembered Molly's scream when he found Caleb. He had ripped his shirt off to press against the wound. Caleb's eyes glazed over. 

"Stay with me, love." Molly had pleaded, the clerics having to pull him off of Caleb. Red stained Molly's coat, dying the multicolored cloth dark purple. 

Molly blinked himself out of the memory. 

His breath was rapid, almost as if coming out of a bad dream. Caleb was sitting next to him, purring. 

The sound made his heart flutter. Molly chirped in the back of his throat. Caleb returned the sound. The pillows and blankets seemed to form a nest around them. It was soothing, comforting. Molly needed every bit of every reminder that Caleb was here. Caleb was ok.

Molly's tail moved throughout the air, the bangles jingling quite loudly. It caused Caleb to stir slightly. 

"Mollymauk. Was-" he whispered as Molly nuzzled under Caleb's chin.  Caleb ran his thumb along Molly's spine to give him comfort. Molly purred loudly, half joyful, half self comforting. He could still see the bite scar in the side of his neck. 

"Mollymauk. Let's not think about such things." Caleb pulled back to look Molly in the eyes.

Molly's solid eyes were bright and a bit wet. 

"Oh darling." Caleb whispered. "Do you want tea?" 

Molly shrugged. It wasn't that he didn't want tea or a warm drink. He just wanted to know that Caleb was ok. 

"Well neither of us are going back to sleep." Caleb sat up. "Do you want to run around the cat maze?" 

"Is that what we're calling it now?" Molly cocked his head to the side. 

"Would it help though?" Caleb ignored the question. In truth it was just a description at the moment. 

"It will help if you stay by me." Molly admitted. 

Caleb stood up and stretched. His magic flowed freely under his skin and a small chirp escaped his throat. 

Molly did like the view of the muscles that Caleb now had. 

"Ready?" Caleb asked. Molly nodeed and Caleb cast polymorph. Molly was not a cat. Molly was a cheetah. Big. Lean. And with the squeakiest call he heard in his life. It took Molly a second to be used to the sensation and he looked around. The entrance for the "cat maze" was bigger to account for the new sized cat. Molly looked around with his new perspective. 

Caleb dropped his clothes and began changing. Caleb meowed and stretched, setting into his wildcat Form. 

Molly didn't know if it was his feelings for Caleb or what, but Caleb's meow was far more dignified than his own. 

Caleb rubbed his head against Molly's side, purring. Molly stood still and widened his stance to stabilize the gesture. Caleb stepped back and Molly jumped into the track for the cats. Caleb was right behind Molly as the two of them made their way towards through the tunnels. The tunnels were more spacious. Molly could turn around and see Caleb if he needed to, but he only had an hour; he shouldn't be in the tunnels when the time runs out. 

Good thing Molly knows where the library is and how to get to it from every direction. Molly jumped into the center of a library. He made his way to the fireplace and lounging in front of it. Caleb snuggled in around Molly's head. It was nice to relax and to trust in his instincts. 

Caleb's purring lured Molly to sleep. 

He woke up in tiefling form, cuddling his werecat boyfriend on the floor of the library.

[thecreaturecodex]

Asura Rana, Cas

Image by Daarken, © Wizards of the Coast. Accessed at the Heroes of Horror Art Gallery here

[Furtober finishes off with a big bang and a Big Bad. Heroes of Horror introduced Cas, the Lord of Spite, and I remember a lot of people making fun of him at the time. The idea that a supervillain evil god has the head of a moose was seen as ridiculous, and comparisons to Bullwinkle were common. Nowadays, the fact that moose are huge and terrifying relict megafauna seems to be more appreciated, and there’s something I find appealing about the idea of a prey species becoming the hunter. Appropriate for a god of spite and revenge. The knee pads and codpiece made of human skulls are admittedly silly, though.

The original Cas was NE and a god, and his CR 25 avatar was basically just a 20th level ranger with some extra outsider HD and a few surprisingly weak SLAs. I’ve moved him to LE to fit with his retribution theme, and because his hatred of the gods seems very appropriate for the asuras. I’ve left some of the ranger abilities, but added some inquisitor material as well, in addition to a few new surprises.]

Asura Rana, Cas CR 26 LE Outsider (extraplanar) This giant has reddish brown skin and the head of a moose, the antlers stained with blood. It has clawed hands, cloven hooves and brandishes a large mace of black metal. Its body seems to shimmer with heat.

Cas Lord of Spite, the Red Grudge, He Who Balances the Scales Concerns spite, disproportionate retribution, vengeance Domains Destruction, Evil, Law, Strength Subdomains Corruption, Ferocity, Hatred, Judgment Worshipers inquisitors, vigilantes, the wronged Minions asuras, devourers, revenants Unholy Symbol a rack of blood-stained antlers Favored Weapon heavy mace Devotion spend one hour ruminating aloud on those that have wronged you, beginning in a whisper and culminating in a scream. Gain a +4 profane bonus on Diplomacy checks to gather information, Survival checks to follow tracks, and Intimidate checks. Boons 1: bestow curse 1/day; 2: transformation 1/day; 3: energy drain 1/day

Cas the Lord of Spite is an asura rana who nurses hate and frustration, stoking the fires of vengeance until they erupt destructively. According to his cult, he was once a mortal huntsman with a loving family. He and his family grew isolated from their community, until violence erupted and his whole family was slain. Due to the social standing of his assailants, he could not turn to the law for recourse, and so turned to the gods. When divine intervention was not forthcoming, he swore vengeance against both his assailants and the divine order, fueling his apotheosis through pure rage and resulting in the destruction of the entire kingdom.

Cas’ ultimate hatred is towards the gods, making him a natural member of the asura ranas. His ambition is still greater; he is currently brooding over his lesser position surrounded by more powerful asuras, the Lords of the Nine and even Asmodeus himself. Cas covets true divinity, but he knows he has a long way to go, and this sulking bitterness fuels him. His violent outbursts at every slight make him a fiend of few allies and many toadies, but more powerful archfiends attempt to steer his rage into useful directions.

The Red Grudge enjoys combat, but he even more enjoys drawing out the hunt of a victim and increasing their terror. He is rarely found without the Ebon Rod of Cas, which he wields in two hands in order to feel more savagely its crushing blows. Cas’ blood boils with the heat of his rage, and the shimmer this causes makes him difficult to strike in combat. Cas is a skilled spellcaster despite his love of violence, and uses magic to inflict pain, forbid actions and heal himself and his allies.

Cas’ faithful are few and far between, and often keep a low profile. His cult broods in dungeons and cellars, not meets in exalted temples. He delights in perverting those with legitimate grievances, as he once was, turning them into ruthless vigilantes who kill to punish minor crimes. His priesthood believes that civilization is a thin veneer beneath which lies nothing but chaos, and it must be kept in order through savage violence. They also believe that anyone, even the most holy and pure, can become a follower of Cas if wronged sufficiently. The faithful of Cas have an unfortunate tendency to rise as undead upon their death, continuing their campaigns of violent revenge beyond the grave.

Ebon Rod of Cas (major artifact) The prized weapon of Cas, he occasionally loans it out to his devout in order to strike somewhere where he cannot go himself. The Ebon Rod of Cas is a Large +3 vicious adamantine heavy mace. It acts as a bane weapon against any creature that has caused injury to its wielder for up to 1 year. It is effectively immune to sundering and other forms of direct damage; a creature that deals damage to it must succeed a DC 25 Will save or take that damage instead. The Ebon Rod of Cas can only be destroyed if it is carried for 100 years by an empyreal lord devoted to peace and forgiveness, whereupon it evaporates into mist. 

Cas      CR 26 XP 2,457,600 LE Large outsider (asura, asura rana, evil, extraplanar, lawful) Init +7; Senses darkvision 60 ft., detect good, Perception +39, see in darkness, true seeing Aura frightful presence (60 ft., DC 34) Defense AC 44, touch 26, flat-footed 36 (-1 size, +7 Dex, +1 dodge, +9 profane, +18 natural) hp 573 (31d10+403); regeneration 25 (deific or mythic) Fort +23, Ref +23, Will +28; +8 vs. mind-influencing, improved evasion DR 15/good, epic and cold iron; Immune ability damage, ability drain, charm effects, compulsion effects, curse effects, death effects, disease, divinations, energy drain, fear, fire, petrifaction, poison, polymorph; Resist acid 30, electricity 30; SR 37 Defensive Abilities freedom of movement, hateful ward, heat shimmer Offense Speed 50 ft., fly 100 ft. (perfect) Melee Ebon Rod of Cas +48/+43/+38/+33 (2d6+25 plus 2d6 vicious/19-20), gore +40 (2d8+7 plus 2d6 fire) or 2 claws +45 (2d6+12 plus 2d6 fire), gore +45 (2d8+12 plus 2d6 fire) Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft. Special Attacks agony beam, favored enemy (dragons +2, good outsiders +6, evil outsiders +4, humans +4, magical beasts +2) Spell-like Abilities CL 26th, concentration +35 Constant—detect good, freedom of movement, mind blank, true seeing At will—bestow curse (DC 23), enervation, greater teleport (self plus 50 lbs. material only), malicious spite (DC 23), permanent image (DC 25), vampiric touch 3/day—command undead (DC 26), fire storm (DC 27), greater dispel magic, instant enemy, quickened major curse (DC 25), summon asuras 1/day—energy drain (DC 28), unhallow, wail of the banshee (DC 28), wish Spells CL 20th, concentration +29 6th (6/day)—blade barrier (DC 25), harm (DC 25), heal (DC 25), mass fester (DC 25), overwhelming presence (DC 25) 5th (7/day)—dispel good (DC 24), geas/quest, greater command (DC 24), mass castigate (DC 24), unwilling shield (DC 24) 4th (7/day)—cure critical wounds (DC 23), divination, divine power, fear (DC 23), greater invisibility, spell immunity 3rd (7/day)—arcane sight, deeper darkness, dimensional anchor, heroism, terrible remorse (DC 22), ward the faithful 2nd (7/day)—cure moderate wounds (DC 21), howling agony (DC 21), knock, resist energy, silence (DC 21), spiritual weapon 1st (8/day)—bless, comprehend languages, cure light wounds, divine favor, expeditious retreat, shield of faith 0th—bleed (DC 19), brand (DC 19), create water, detect magic, read magic, resistance Statistics Str 35, Dex 25, Con 37, Int 22, Wis 28, Cha 28 Base Atk +31; CMB +44; CMD 61 Feats Combat Expertise, Combat Reflexes, Critical Focus, Dazzling Display, Dodge, Improved Critical (mace), Intimidating Prowess, Mobility, Power Attack, Quicken SLA (major curse), Shatter Defenses, Spring Attack, Staggering Critical, Stand Still, Stunning Critical, Whirlwind Attack Skills Appraise +29, Bluff +35, Escape Artist +11, Fly +41, Intimidate +47, Linguistics +29, Knowledge (arcana, history, nobility, religion) +29, Knowledge (local, planes) +32, Perception +39, Sense Motive +35, Spellcraft +29, Stealth +31, Survival +35; Racial Modifiers +6 Escape Artist, +4 Perception Languages Celestial, Common, Infernal, 23 others; telepathy 300 ft. SQ asura rana traits Ecology Environment any land or underground (Hell) Organization unique Treasure double standard (Ebon Rod of Cas, other treasure) Special Abilities Agony Beam (Su) Once every 1d4 rounds as a standard action, Cas can unleash a beam of pure pain in a 120 foot line. All living creatures in the area take 12d12 damage and are filled with pain for 1 minute, suffering a -4 penalty on attack rolls, skill checks and ability checks. A successful DC 34 Fortitude save halves the damage and negates the penalties. Multiple failed saves cause the duration of the penalties to stack. This is a pain effect, and the save DC is Charisma based. Asura Rana Traits (Ex, Su and Sp) Cas has the following traits:

Cas can grant spells to his worshipers as if he were a deity.

Cas’ natural weapons, as well as any weapons it wields, are treated as lawful, epic, and evil for the purpose of overcoming damage reduction.

Infernal Resurrection (Ex) Cas rules an infernal domain. If he is slain, his body rapidly melts into corruption (leaving behind any gear he held or carried), his soul returns to a hidden location within his realm, and it is immediately restored to life (as true resurrection) at that location. Once this occurs, Cas can’t use this ability again until a full year has passed. An asura rana that is slain again during this year or is killed by unusual methods (such as by a true deity or an artifact created for this purpose) is slain forever.

Immunity to ability damage, ability drain, charm effects, compulsion effects, death effects, energy drain, and petrification.

Regeneration (Ex) Only chaotic, epic and  good  damage, or damage from a creature of equal or greater power (such as an archdevil, deity, demon lord, or protean lord) interrupts Cas’s regeneration.

Resistance to acid 30, and  electricity 30

Summon Asuras (Sp) Three times per day as a swift action, Cas can summon any asura or combination of asuras whose total  combined CR is  20 or lower. This otherwise works like the summon  universal monster rule with a 100% chance of success, and counts as a 9th-level spell effect.

Telepathy 300 feet.

Favored Enemy (Ex) Cas gains the favored enemy ability of a 20th level ranger. Hateful Ward (Su) Cas gains a profane bonus to his armor class equal to his Charisma modifier. Heat Shimmer (Su) Cas’ body radiates heat, warping his position and protecting him from attacks. Creatures gain a 20% miss chance on attack rolls against Cas if they use sight, and a creature that strikes Cas with a melee weapon, natural weapon, unarmed strike or touch attack takes 2d6 points of fire damage. Weapons with the reach property do not endanger their wielders in this way. If Cas takes 30 or more points of cold damage from a single spell or effect, this ability is suppressed for 1d4 rounds. Spells Cas gains spellcasting as a 20th level inquisitor. He does not gain other class abilities of inquisitors, such as the judgment ability.