#post Trust No 1

[atths--twice]

The Journey Home

After the fear surrounding their failed reunion, Scully realizes that the only place she and William need to be is with Mulder- wherever that may lead.

I wrote this story last year for the MSR Fanzine and today I am able to share it with you all. Hope you enjoy it.

Late January, 2002

9:58 p.m. 

The apartment was lit by only a couple of lights as Scully placed clothes into the large, black duffel bag that sat on her bed. She was precise with her choices; only packing what she needed now and not further into the future. 

Taking her dark blue toiletry bag into the bathroom, she added only the bare minimum of items. Soaps, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush and toothpaste, tampons, and her makeup bag. Zipping the golden zipper, she switched off the light and left the room. 

Packing it beside her sweaters, she picked out three pairs of shoes. Boots and a pair of sneakers were added to the duffel, the other pair left out to be worn. She closed her eyes, letting out a deep breath. 

“Nearly done. Come on,” she whispered and then opened her eyes. 

Adding a blanket to the duffel, she looked around the room before nodding as she zipped and secured the bag. Carrying it silently out of her room, she set it beside William’s matching bag she had packed earlier that day. 

Every article of his clothing, extra diapers and wipes, blankets, some toys, extra bottles, her breast pump, and his own toiletry bag were packed, ready for their rapidly approaching departure. 

From the kitchen chair, she picked up the backpack she would now be using as William’s diaper bag. 

Running her hand along the back side of it, she drew in a breath, tears stinging her eyes as she thought of the other contents it held. 

Three days ago, she had come to the Gunmen’s at their request, where they presented her with items Mulder had asked them to procure before he’d had to leave.  

Doctored passports, driver’s licenses, social security cards, and birth certificates. A handful of credit cards bearing fake names that had been chosen. A substantial amount of cash, along with information to account numbers for three bank accounts, all of them in different names that matched the drivers licenses. 

“He didn’t tell me,” she had whispered, looking at the picture of herself on a license which bore the name Sally Stenson. 

“He wanted to be sure things were ready, just in case they would be needed,” Byers had said and she laughed out a small sob. 

“Well, they definitely are,” she had said, remembering how she felt just a couple of days ago as she stood on the train platform, watching the train passing her by, knowing Mulder had been on it and she had been unable to reach him. Sighing, she set the license down. 

“Alright,” Frohike had said suddenly and rather gruffly, picking everything up. “I got this.” He had left the room without looking back and she stared after him in confusion. 

Byers had sighed and when she looked at him, she saw sadness in his and Langly’s eyes. 

“It’s not how I want this to be,” she had said and Byers shook his head as he touched her arm and attempted a smile. 

“No. It’s how it needs to be.” 

Late last night, a soft knock sounded at her apartment door and for a second she had stood frozen. She had reached for her gun and walked quietly to check who it was and had seen Frohike standing on the other side, holding a beat up leather backpack in his hands. 

“It’s all in here,” he had said, stepping across the threshold as she closed the door and set the gun down on the table. “This is an old backpack of mine that I used a long time ago. There’s space that I created between the lining where I would put stuff I didn’t want seen by the fuzz. I’ve put everything of yours in there and sewn it up, to keep it hidden. When you get where you’re going… you take it out and keep it somewhere safe.” 

“Frohike,” she had breathed, taking the backpack from him. “Thank you.” 

“Yeah,” he nodded, looking down at the ground and then back up at her. “Be careful. Take care of each other.” 

“We will. Thank you.” 

She hugged him, thanking him again, and he left immediately after the embrace had ended. 

He had done the job perfectly. No one would ever suspect what was hidden within the backpack unless they literally tore it apart. 

Placing it beside the duffel bags, she clasped her hands together and looked around the apartment that she had lived in for so long. 

Anything that held sentimental value had been taken to her mother’s house two days ago for safekeeping, including the fish tank and all the fish. Everything else would be taken care of once she and William were gone, Byers had assured her, though she found she was not really worried about it. 

Leaving behind the physical was surprisingly easy, with the exception of her mother. 

Her mother understood why they had to leave, but that did not mean she wanted it to happen. It had been a very tearful goodbye and watching her holding William until the last possible second, had almost caused Scully to change her mind. 

Almost. 

But she had to go. And they both knew it. 

There were too many worries and questions that weighed on her and she needed to be with Mulder to figure them out.  

Glancing at the clock with a sigh, she hurried to the bathroom to take a quick shower, change her clothes, and put on her sneakers. 

Hurrying through her last few tasks, a light knock sounded at the door and she jumped. Another two knocks and she knew it was Langly. 

He walked in silently, picked up the bags, and carried them down to the waiting van as she put on the backpack and then placed a sleeping William into the carrier sling, shushing him softly when he began to fuss. 

Nodding resolutely as she gently patted William’s back, she walked out the door, locking it behind her. 

Frohike took the backpack from her as he helped her inside, sitting down on the floorboard and leaning against the side of the van. It was unsafe and illegal, but she did not care so long as she would not be seen as they drove. 

“We'll take the back streets, stay off the highway,” Byers said from the driver's seat. “Should be there in about twenty minutes.” 

“Okay,” she said, closing her eyes as she held William close when he whimpered in his sleep. 

Twenty minutes felt both like forever and no time at all when they reached the station and Byers parked the van. Langly got out, grabbing the bags, as Frohike stepped out with the backpack and reached a hand in to help Scully. 

He took a paper bag from the backseat and placed it into the backpack along with two bottles of water before he closed it up and helped her put it on. 

“I made you some breakfast burritos,” Frohike said, his voice gruff once again. “They should be good for the journey. Stay in your compartment. Don’t come out until you reach him.” 

“Right,” Scully said with a nod as she adjusted both the backpack and William’s carrier. 

She stared at all of them as Byers walked up to join them, the keys held nervously in his hands. 

“Thank you for everything,” she said softly, tears pricking at her eyes. “Thank you for… being there for both of us. All of us.” She rubbed William’s back and they nodded. “I…” 

“You need to get going, Agent Scully,” Byers said, taking her ticket from his inside jacket pocket and handing it to her. “Be careful.” 

“We will.” 

She grasped his hand and he nodded, smiling softly. Frohike sighed as she looked at him and stepped forward to embrace him. 

“Goodbye,” she whispered and he grunted, patting her back. 

Langly walked beside her to the train platform, carrying her bags. They waited silently until it arrived and he followed her to her compartment. Setting the bags down, he hugged her quickly, hurrying from the train as it began to leave the station. 

Standing by the window, she watched him run to join the others. They all held up a hand and she did the same, staying until she could no longer see them, and then stepping inside of her compartment and locking the door. 

Making up the small bed, she stacked the duffel bags in front of the door. Taking off her shoes, she laid down with William in her arms, exhaustion overtaking her as she fell asleep instantly, the train bouncing along as it carried them west. 

__________

Nearly a full day was spent in the compartment, opening the door only to hand her ticket to the ticket agent, her gun held out of his view, just in case. Thanks to the food and water Frohike had provided, and the bathroom in her small room, she did not have any need to leave. 

She created a safe space for both of them, William wide eyed as he looked out the windows and the world beyond them. 

When the next stop was announced, the town in which she and Mulder had previously arranged to meet, Scully felt her stomach drop. The bags were repacked, William once again in his carrier sling and her backpack on, when she opened the doors to leave. 

It was dark outside, the winter sun already down when she bumped down the hallway with her cumbersome bags. A kind older man offered to help her, but she graciously refused.  

The brakes squealed as the train began to slow and she stood waiting at the door, her bags in her hands and heart racing. William shifted and she looked down at him with a smile. He smiled back and she let out a deep breath when the train stopped completely. 

The doors opened and she swallowed hard as she made her way off the train. The ticket attendant appeared and helped her, placing her bags on the ground beside her with a smile. 

Scully picked up her bags and walked away from the people milling about the platform as quickly as she could, considering the awkward weight of the bags she carried. Her eyes were peeled for the enclosed bus stop, praying Mulder had done as he had planned and taken out the overhead light to keep them in darkness.  

Catching sight of the small building, her pace and heart rate quickened, looking over her shoulder and thankfully finding no one following her. 

As she approached, a figure stepped from the building, but remained standing in the darkened doorway. She paused before she recognized the person’s frame and she whimpered softly, moving faster. 

The bags were abandoned as she reached him, her arms outstretched as he stepped towards her. 

“Scully,” he breathed, pulling her into his arms, William protesting in loud surprise as he did. She laughed, tears in her eyes, as she hugged him back. “God, I’ve missed you.” 

“I’ve missed you too. So much,” she said, over the sound of William’s cries. Mulder held her tighter, whispering her name into her hair. 

Pulling back, he held her face in his hands and kissed her softly three times. He shook his head, his thumbs rubbing her cheeks as he smiled. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too,” she said, holding onto his wrists, her tears spilling over. 

“And you,” he said, letting go of her face and opening the sling carrier to look down at William. “How are you, my son? God, he’s gotten so big. Can… can I hold him?” 

“Of course you can.” 

He took him from the carrier and held him, smiling as he stopped crying and stared, looking from Mulder to Scully. He smiled, shoving a fist into his mouth and Mulder chuckled as he shook his head again. 

“Let’s get out of here,” he said, kissing him and then her again. He bent to pick up one of the bags as Scully picked up the other one. He smiled at her and she smiled back as she wiped the tears from her cheeks, William blowing raspberries as they began to walk from the darkness to Mulder’s car. 

_____________

Two years later, in a small town in Tennessee, a taxi drove up a long dirt road, stopping in front of a farmhouse with a large wraparound porch. Rocking chairs, big and small, adorned it. Potted plants were set out by the pillars along the porch, many bright colored flowers sprouting from them. Two different sized swings were hanging at the end of the porch, the grass around the house green and luscious. 

The taxi driver stepped out to take the two large suitcases from the trunk as the screen door squeaked open and then slammed closed. Scully hurried across the porch to greet her mother who had just gotten out of the taxi and was looking at her with a teary smile.

“Mom,” Scully said, tears clogging her throat. 

“Oh, Dana,” Maggie said, holding her tightly, both of them crying happily as the screen door squeaked open again. 

“Mama?” William asked and Maggie laughed as she stepped back to see the little boy she had missed every day for the past two years. 

She walked up the steps to take him from Mulder, who handed him over with a smile, as he helped Scully with the suitcases, the taxi driving away. 

Hours later, the sun setting, Scully stood watching William and her mother sitting together on one of the swings, William pointing and jabbering away to her as the swing moved slowly and she laughed. 

“Hey,” Mulder said softly, his arm going around Scully’s shoulders. She wrapped her arms around his waist, sighing contentedly. “Are you happy?” 

“Yes. Very happy.” 

“Good.” 

“And you?” she asked, looking up at him. 

He looked down at her and smiled, letting that be his answer and she smiled back, her hold on him tightening as he put his other arm around her. 

“Good,” she said, resting her cheek against his chest as he hummed and kissed the top of her head. 

“Yeah,” he said. 

Somewhere nearby a dog barked, prompting William to repeat the sound, causing all of them to laugh. Maggie made the swing go a little higher as William barked again and she pulled him onto her lap. 

“Oh, William,” she said, kissing his head and sighing. “I’ve missed you and I love you so much.” 

“I’m beyond happy,” Scully whispered, her eyes closing as a warm breeze whistled through the grass and trees, Mulder humming again as his hand moved gently up and down her back. 

[horreurscopes]

i like my body when it is with your body.

[aesthetic-gem]

it’s 3am so watch me commiserate over this clip that’s been living in my head rent free for months now and making me sad once again after recent events

that feeling of it being just dapper and q!bad against the world returns once again

“i’m the only one who can watch you”

it’s the fact that the guy that would sacrifice eveything for any of the kids to stay safe, no matter how much strife or hatred or nasty words any of the parents could throw at him, is the one who feels like he has no one watching out for his own but himself. dapper is only an afterthought to the others. someone to remember only after all the terrible things have already happened. of course the halo family has others who they trust, but over and over again it’s shown that there’s a reason why q!bad is basically dapper’s whole world and why dapper is his sunshine

this is isn’t something new. they’ve both always shared this sentiment. dapper, the sole escapee off egg island, having only his dad at his side as they ran to that boat. and more recently, no one making sure dapper could ride out on the train with the rest of the islanders and eggs into the new server when they left that library

they “left me behind” and “just forgot me”

thankfully q!etoiles started to run back, but the fact that no one checked in the first place, that it seemed like q!etoiles was really the only one to notice even though plenty of others saw that dapper was online and around. q!bad is the only one who’s ever had dapper as priority number one in anything

that poor kid said it herself, she thinks she’s not one of the favorites. he thinks the others will be prioritized first. and they’re unfortunately likely right about that unless it comes to their dad

so the mantra continues; it’s simply dapper and q!bad against the world, to have each others backs, to live and die for each other

[rebouks]

Disposable camera roll.. 📸

[iam93percentstardust]

one of the things that really bothers me about modern franchises, and in particular over the last 5 years or so, is their refusal to commit. what i mean here when i say this is that it's not uncommon for a major franchise to make a decision, whether about the plot or the characters, that should have had huge, world-changing consequences... and then just never address that again or worse, immediately go back and undo it. and i'm gonna pick on star wars and the mcu here because those are the two big franchises i'm into at the moment (and i think they're kind of the worst at this), but i don't want you to walk away from this thinking that this is solely a disney thing. i've seen this happen with game of thrones and supernatural and plenty of other non-disney franchises. spoilers ahead, you've been warned:

in ant-man & the wasp quantumania, scott and hope make the life-altering decision to stay behind in the quantum realm and defeat kang instead of going through the portal to return to their world. this should have been a huge meta decision for the mcu, and when i first saw it in theaters, my immediate thought was wow, what is this going to mean for the mcu going forward? are we going to get a movie/miniseries about scott and hope helping to rebuild the quantum realm? how are cassie, janet, and hank going to react to the losses of their loved ones (in some cases, for the second time)? is cassie going to become the "first" young avenger because she has to take her father's place among the team lineup (and i only say first because as of this moment, none of the other young avengers introduced to the franchise are official avengers yet)? except nope, because less than 2 minutes later, cassie had fixed the portal that had broken way back at the beginning of the movie and brought scott and hope back.

and it felt like such a cheat. i was so disappointed in that theater, not as someone who was invested in these characters on a personal level (because yay, cassie gets her dad back!), but as someone who has spent years investing themselves in the story of the mcu. what was the point of wasting screentime on scott and hope accepting their new lives in the quantum realm if it was just going to immediately be undone? the entire scene could have been cut to scott and hope making it back bare seconds before the portal closed and it would have had the same emotional impact. there was nothing added by making scott and hope (and us) think that there was no way back only to rip the rug out from under us and go "gotcha! you really thought we were gonna give this movie a sad ending? haha! you're so dumb!"

and this isn't the first time the mcu has done this. one of the biggest complaints about endgame was the decision to set it five years in the future with no consideration for how that would actually change the setting of the mcu. characters were brought back to the exact place they disappeared from with no consideration for how things might have changed in the interim five years (like planes that weren't in the air anymore, buildings no longer standing, even just something as simple as a chair being unoccupied). and then the mcu didn't even really have the courage to address how this would have shaped the world other than a few jokes and making the bad guys in the falcon and the winter soldier people who cared about how the world had screwed them over during the blip.

and things like this happen over and over and over again. the accords are put into place in civil war, but by the time we get to she-hulk, they're gone with no explanation because, as best as i can tell, the writers didn't want to have to deal with the worldbuilding that went into the accords. gamora is killed in infinity war, but heaven forbid quill not have an emotional investment in a film he appears for maybe 10 minutes in so now she's back in endgame. steve got to go live in the past with his ex-girlfriend (which is in itself a refusal to commit after the mcu both gave her a different husband and had the woman herself tell him to move on) but we need to establish that messing with timelines is bad because that's what the entire next phase hinges on so actually his ending was predestined and it's only everyone else who can't change time. whoever took this entire town and also wanda hostage and forced them to live out a sitcom fantasy is bad and needs to be stopped but wait, it's actually wanda and she can't be the bad guy yet, we need her for doctor strange 2, so actually everyone's going to defend her now and say that no one else could ever possibly understand her grief. thor has decided to accept responsibility as king of asgard, but we can't use him for any more movies if he's stuck in asgard, so actually he's decided to pass it on to someone whose entire leadership capability is developed offscreen. i could list more examples but this is making me angry, so let's move on to star wars instead.

with star wars, i look at first the oft-quoted meme, "somehow palpatine has returned." yeah, i shouldn't really need to go into detail on how that counts as a refusal to commit but. the last jedi was a study in how johnson refused to commit to anything that abrams had laid down in the force awakens, but rise of skywalker was almost like abrams had looked at the franchise and said "screw you for taking it away from me, i'm going to come up with the most bullshit stuff just to spite you for doing that in the first place. and i'm going to start by undoing the most important plot point of the first trilogy: the emperor dies." and yeah, disney's kind of tried to salvage this by dropping hints into the bad batch and the mandalorian about cloning, but that only really works if you're watching the franchise chronologically and not considering that both of those series came out after rise of skywalker.

and then there's the mandalorian, my sweet summer child, who is, in my opinion, the worst at backtracking their plot points. i'm not entirely convinced that any of the higher ups for this show really knew what they were doing when they started working on it and i'm not convinced that they know what they're doing now. yeah, there's the tie-in to the last season of clone wars, but the mandalorian has managed to walk back pretty much every single major plot point it's had. din is this legendary warrior who can't be beat, but no one will watch this show if he defeats everyone too early, so he's constantly getting beat up (tbf, sometimes some of the fights he loses makes sense like the krayt dragon and the mudhorn, but a lot of them don't. at all). moff gideon is dead, no wait no he's not, now he's imprisoned, no wait no he's not, now he's definitely dead, you can totally believe us this time guys. grogu can use the force and must be placed with the jedi, but wait, the only person still actively teaching the way of the jedi is luke and all of his students will be brutally murdered ten years from now, and we can't have that, everyone will be mad at us for killing off such a cute character and no one will buy baby yoda dolls (and also we have to set up luke's character degradation from hopeful, believes-in-love cinnamon roll to "i'm going to kill my nephew") so in between seasons let's have grogu decide to go back to din (and don't even get me started on how frustrating it is that a casual mandalorian watcher also had to watch book of boba fett to understand why grogu is back). din has the darksaber now which makes him king of mandalore, that's totally going to be important and what the entire series has been building up to, right? wrong! he might have spent the first two seasons making connections, learning about the world outside his sheltered upbringing, and demonstrating the various qualities that would make for a good leader, but the entire third season will be about din realizing that actually he's super unworthy and the darksaber should actually go to someone who... saw an animal in the water.

and it's really, really frustrating as a viewer! because how am i supposed to get invested in any of these plot decisions when they almost always get reversed? why should i care that mj and ned have forgotten peter when ant-man 3 has shown me that they'll remember him the next time they're all on screen together? why should i care that tech is dead when half of the last season of clone wars was about how echo was actually alive? if none of these decisions have any permanence, then where are the emotional stakes? why should i watch your movie if all you're going to tell me is that nothing matters?

[general-cyno]

apparently it's the 15th anniversary of zoro's sacrifice in thriller bark (not sure if manga or anime though) so yknow. time for more zolu of course

one of the many things about zoro and luffy is that despite how their approach to certain situations might differ at times, they're still pretty similar at their core, sometimes to a comical degree (see: their definition of what a hero is back in fish man island arc). and this understanding of how the other works is what leads to moments like jaya,

this little one in water 7/enies lobby,

and follows consistently all the way to wano arc.

and I was thinking the other day about how their childhoods too kinda mirror or parallel each other's in a way that emphasizes (to me, at least) how special zoro's particular protectiveness toward luffy is, and why luffy relying on zoro that way is just as special.

the specifics of their childhood stories are different but both luffy and zoro have a turning point of sorts that's marked with the grief and loss of sabo and kuina, respectively, which leads them to say these:

(I cropped the panels, but luffy's also crying here)

it's important to note zoro and luffy had dreams/aspirations before this, to become the greatest swordsman and luffy's secret thing that we've yet to learn about (that ace, sabo and the crew now know). however, losing kuina and sabo is what prompts them to, on top of that, strive to become stronger for other people's sake. for zoro, it's his way to honor his friend and fulfill their shared dream. for luffy, it's to avoid losing the people he loves.

throughout the story, zoro and luffy end up expressing similar frustration and sentiments due to this. there's zoro innerly chiding himself for being too weak as he trains in the aftermath of arcs like little garden, alabasta and thriller bark, where the crew get stuck in situations in which zoro isn't able to help as he wishes he could (the wax cake, the sea prism stone cell, kuma). there's luffy swearing he won't lose a single member of his crew even if it kills him (the davy back fight) and reproaching himself for not being able to save any of the straw hats in sabaody, with the worst of it right after losing ace in marineford.

(and man do I have thoughts about bon turning into zoro, out of all the straw hats, back in impel down.)

anyway. as to why all of this is meaningful - when zoro agrees to join luffy, he mentions that his goal to become the greatest swordsman is all he has. yet as the straw hats go from journey to journey, and with a certain emphasis in luffy, you can see how zoro's view slowly shifts. he's now driving himself to become strong to protect them as well, to the point he's willing to set aside his ambition and offer his own head in exchange for luffy's, if it means he can ensure luffy's life and safety. that's huge. as mihawk inwardly points out, zoro has something, someone he values even more than his ambitions and pride. and it's through his adventures with luffy and the crew that he becomes closer to achieving that initial dream of his.

whenever people wonder why zoro's as loyal as he is to luffy, aside from all the reasons why luffy as a character has earned that loyalty through his actions, I also remember that one line koushiro said to zoro in a flashback: "the pinnacle of swordsmanship is the power to protect what one wishes to protect and cut what one wishes to cut. a blade that injures all that it touches isn't really a sword." while sure, it works in the context of later power ups like haki, imo it perfectly captures zoro's character growth too and what luffy's given him. the current zoro isn't lost or directionless with only one purpose in mind or to live for, bounty hunting as a means to survive. he has a home to return to, people to cherish, to protect and keep getting stronger for, people who nurture him in turn. kuina's death is something zoro couldn't have prevented, and losing people in accidents like those is something that could happen again, but still within the limits of what's preventable - zoro can protect his friends now.

as for luffy... zoro kinda steals the spotlight when it comes to grand gestures of loyalty/devotion and being the MC of the story means luffy fights for different people (both crew and non crew), carrying their wishes and hopes as if they were his own. he gets help and learns from others as well and all members of the crew are important for luffy to achieve his dream one way or the other, but the way he relies on zoro specifically is so subtly meaningful to me. we don't get as much insight on luffy's inner thoughts, still, we do have context.

for someone like luffy, who is at his innermost genuinely terrified of being alone and losing the people he loves, the fact that he trusts zoro to protect and keep everyone safe (even luffy himself) is so good. as shown above, luffy vowed to become strong in the first place to ensure he'd never go through loss like sabo's again and this vow is all the more renewed after ace's death. luffy has to be strong for everyone but... the fact that he can trust zoro to follow his lead even when others might not understand his reasons to do x or y, that he's so unwavering in his faith that zoro will protect the others when luffy can't, entrusting the people he cares about to zoro, whom luffy also cherishes - it's all pretty special. everyone in the crew has their strengths and zoro may not be the only fighter, but all of them, including sanji, fall under his protection whenever it's needed.

it's not only about raw strength though. zoro's also there to set luffy straight and remind him of what's important when the circumstances arise, like in water 7 or punk hazard. and even when they don't necessarily agree, like wrt vivi's situation after the reverie in marijoa, luffy knows when zoro's right and acquiesces (albeit grumbling a little) because, once again, he's also aware that zoro wouldn't just risk everyone's safety. luffy listens to him. and their reunion in wano too, luffy's sheer happiness at the sight of him again, is a very clear example of how much luffy adores zoro even beyond all that.

although luffy isn't aware of what happened in thriller bark (that we know of), zoro's actions are proof of why luffy trusts, has faith in, and relies on zoro as much as he does and why it's so important for luffy to have him by his side, considering how afraid he is of being unable to keep his loved ones safe. this is more on a speculative note, but I can imagine how comforting that must be for luffy - to not shoulder that on his own.

happy anniversary!

[matchnightt]

Your Best American Girl - Mitski

[stinkymicrowavedfish]

I’m 4eva a ggg lover 💚💚💚💚💚

if they have no fans I am DEAD

[misspaddockverse]

Honoring the Daniel Ricciardo Race Week, let’s remember the biggest Daniel Girlie of all times:

[atths--twice]

Letters of Love

A feeling leads Scully to an Internet café, hoping to hear from Mulder, praying that he is safe.

The other day, I was on TikTok and I saw a video with a poem being read. It was so beautiful and I couldn't help but see it relating to Mulder and Scully, as I do almost everything, and so I had to write a story.

I love the emails that Mulder and Scully send to one another, the love that is held within each of them, and so I thought what if we saw another one?

February 20th, 2002

“I won’t be long,” Scully told her mother, who had come over to visit, bringing dinner with her. “I didn’t realize I was in need of milk. I’ll just pop to the shop real quick.”

“I can go for you,” Maggie said with a smile, drying her hands on the kitchen towel she had been using to dry the dishes.

“No,” Scully said forcefully and her mother looked at her in surprise. She smiled and touched her mother’s arm. “I just meant… I don’t mind going. I could do with a walk, on my own. I don’t get that chance too often. That is, if you don’t mind staying for a bit longer.”

“Of course I don’t. But, it’s cold out, Dana. You should drive.”

“No, that’s okay. The walk will do me good. It’s not very far. Thanks, Mom.”

She grabbed her coat and hurried out the door before any further discussion could take place.

Not sure if her mother was watching her from the window, she began walking in the direction of the little convenience shop around the corner, then doubling back when she knew it would be safe. Heading in the opposite direction, the need for milk a complete fabrication, she checked both ways and then crossed the street.

“Please,” she whispered as she walked, the cold winter air filling her lungs as she took deep breaths. “Please let me be right.”

A few more streets over and she paused in front of Cyber Cafe, the internet cafe near her apartment. Closing her eyes briefly, and pleading with the universe once more, she continued on and pushed the door open.

“Welcome,” a barista said to her as she walked in and she nodded, making only quick eye contact with him.

It was not overly crowded, but many of the computers were in use. Choosing one near the back of the cafe, she passed by others in order to reach it.

Sitting down, she swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. Her hands shook slightly as she typed in her information and waited, her heart racing.

Tonight was not the first night she had come in, desperate to see if Mulder had replied to her last email after their planned meeting had been thwarted. Part of her hoped she would not see a message waiting for her. But the other part of her ached to know that he was safe and had found a way to contact her, even as she knew he should be taking precautions to remain hidden.

All through dinner tonight, she had felt an odd sensation in her stomach, an excitement bubbling up. The way a drop on a roller coaster makes you feel, nervous and happy all at once. She could not explain how she knew it meant coming to the cafe, but she did.

Follow the white rabbit. The yellow brick road. The path she had been meant to take even before she had known herself.

The computer beeped, her information entered and received successfully.

Letting out a long, silent breath, she moved the mouse, clicked open her email, and licked her lips.

There were three messages. Two were inconsequential and she barely gave them a glance. But the last one was from an address she had not seen before and tears filled her eyes as she clicked to open the email with no subject, from georgehale@mail.com.

Blinking her eyes and exhaling quickly, she drew in a breath and covered her mouth with her hand to hold back her sobs as she read and then reread the single paragraph.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Breathing brokenly through her nose, she closed her eyes and bowed her head, too many thoughts suddenly crowding her mind.

Nearly four years ago, in a small town ironically named Honey, women had been disappearing. Lines of poetry, from different poets, had been found in their homes, written on paper left on desks, with lipstick on mirrors, and in one case, with rose petals on a bed.

The last one had creeped Scully out more than she had been willing to admit, causing her to triple check her motel lock every night, even going so far as to place a chair in front of it and using a couple of clothespins she had begun to keep with her to keep her curtains shut tightly.

She had not slept well during the entirety of that case.

Without much of a lead, and feeling as though they had hit a brick wall, Mulder had suggested visiting the local library. Asking to see all the books of poetry they had on the shelves, the librarian soon had a table filled with them.

They had been silently reading through them for a few minutes, looking for a pattern or anything to help, when Mulder had begun to read random passages aloud. Scully had sighed and tried to ignore the uneasy feeling in her stomach, when familiar words caused her to tense up and her breath to catch.

“I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off,” Mulder had read quietly. She had closed her eyes for a moment before raising her head, her brows furrowed, and stomach clenching. “I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.” He looked at her and smiled before looking back at the book. “I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.”

“Mulder,” she had said, shaking her head as she pictured the bright rose petals that had been arranged with meticulous care on the dark blue comforter.

“Wait, it’s nearly finished,” he had said, holding up one finger, not aware of her reaction. “I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. Hmm, that’s really beautiful.”

“Is it?” she had whispered, shivering slightly as she imagined those words left behind by a possible murderer.

“You don’t think so?” he had asked, looking at her. “It’s Pablo Neruda, Scully.”

“Yes, I know. And I can also see that for myself,” she had said, nodding toward the book and he had smiled as he too looked at the cover.

“You didn’t like it?”

“Not in this context,” she had said, gesturing to the books around them. “I like poetry, I really do. I always have. Just…” She had shaken her head and sighed as she had picked up another book and began to look through it. “It feels more disturbing than romantic at the moment.”

“Oh. I… I suppose I wasn’t thinking about it that way. It just… I thought it was…” he had quietly replied. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

She had felt his eyes on her and she had looked up at him.

“It’s okay,” she had said again, smiling tightly.

“It’s not,” he had said, shaking his head and looking down at the book.

“It is a good poem and one that I actually really like,” she had said softly.

“You do?”

“Yeah. We studied poetry for a few weeks when I was in high school and Neruda became one of my favorite poets.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Well, I don’t think we’ve ever really discussed it.” She had shrugged and turned a page in the book she held. “I like that sonnet, but it’s the last part of it that I like best.” She had looked at him and drew in a breath, reciting it from memory. “I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.”

He had stared at her as she forced away disturbing thoughts, instead thinking of how she had felt when she read that poem for the first time, her gaze becoming unfocused and faraway.

“Straightforward. No complexities. Not existing without the other. Falling asleep in sync,” she had whispered as she had shaken her head, remembering the rather juvenile dreams she’d once had. “Does anyone ever really find that kind of love? Is it even possible?”

Inhaling, she had blinked and then met his eyes. He had not said anything, and as she had shrugged and exhaled, her attention returned to the book in her hand as his had returned to his own, no further words spoken.

Months later, after the mentally exhausting days spent with Daniel, thoughts of her past blending with her present, she had lain warm and naked with Mulder in his bed. Sleep had nearly claimed her, when she felt his fingertips gently caressing her forehead.

“I love you because I know no other way than this,” he had whispered and she had opened her eyes tiredly, his thumb rubbing softly at her temple as he stared at her intently, his eyes dark. “Straightforwardly, without complexities or pride.”

“Mulder,” she had breathed. Closing her eyes again, she had shifted closer to him and he enveloped her in his arms, her hand resting above his heart.

“So close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep,” he had spoken in a low tone against her ear and she had hummed, his scent and the warmth of his body making it nearly impossible to form coherent thoughts. “I love you, Scully. Without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Mulder,” she had murmured against his skin, kissing his neck as she exhaled and he had held her tighter, kissing the top of her head.

“Excuse me, is anyone using this computer?” Scully heard someone ask the person to her left and she opened her eyes as she raised her head, almost confused to find she was sitting at a table in front of a computer and not in bed with Mulder.

She drew in steadying breaths and looked at the screen. Reading the paragraph again, she smiled through her tears.

He was safe. Alive.

Quickly, she opened a new message and began to type. Knowing the likelihood of him risking his safety again to check his email was nearly nonexistent, she knew she had to at least try.

To give to him what he had given her.

Sending it, she reopened her email from him and selected to print it. Logging out of her account, she hurried to the printer, picked up her paper, and walked out of the cafe.

Folding the paper, not wanting anything to happen to it, she placed it in her pocket, where she kept a hold on it. Needing a second, she stepped into the mouth of an alleyway and leaned against the wall with a deep sigh.

“Thank you,” she breathed, lifting her face to the sky. “Please continue to keep him safe.” Quickly making the sign of the cross, she stepped back onto the sidewalk and continued home.

“They didn’t have milk?” her mother asked when she walked through the door and Scully froze, completely forgetting the reason she had given for her need to leave the apartment.

“Oh… no. There was a mix up with their shipment and uh… they’ll have it tomorrow.”

“I could go to the other grocery store and get you some now if you’d like…”

“No. That’s okay, Mom,” Scully said, her thumb caressing the piece of paper in her pocket. “I’ll be alright. I can get it in the morning.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am. You head on home and I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay. Goodnight, Dana.”

“Night, Mom. Thank you for dinner. And thanks for staying.”

“Of course.”

They embraced and her mother left, zipping her coat as she walked out. Scully sighed as she locked the door and took off her coat, removing the paper from her pocket.

She checked in on William, smiling at his rosy cheeks as she watched him breathing deeply. Not wanting to risk waking him, she refrained from touching him and quietly left the room.

Once she was in bed, she propped the paper up against the pillow beside her, staring at the words until her eyelids began to droop.

For the first time in weeks, her sleep was peaceful and undisturbed.

_____________

Three days later, entering a busy Internet café, timing it perfectly to blend in with the crowd, a rather disheveled looking man in a beat up Dodgers cap, sat down at a computer. He watched the room as he logged in to his account, wary of everyone around him.

He had four emails. Three of which were spam and meant absolutely nothing to him.

Clicking on the bottom one, the one that made his heart beat almost painfully, he read the single sentence and he grinned as eleven words caused him to feel more loved and less alone than he had in a very long time.

Without knowing how, or when, or from where… I love you.

[kookidough]

analysing vance hopper because he lives in my head 24/7 !

tw for like. literally everything the black phone covers!!!!!!

also there's some special effects gore rather far down in the post idk just i feel like i should warn you just in case

okay so before anyones like "but bee!!!! he only had 6 minutes of screen time in a 102 minute long movie!!!!! he was only on screen for 5.8% of the movie!!!!!" and to that i say i Know it was a real tragedy so a lot of this will be built on personal interpretation and subtext and stuff said behind the scenes and whatnot

so firstly i wanna rot about what his childhood/upbringing might've been like..... i havent quite decided on something definitive but i think we can take one look at his character and realise that is glaringly obvious he had a bad childhood, in one interview the actor that plays him (brady hepner) says "the background i had set up for vance is that the reason he was the way he was is his home life was fairly difficult, you know maybe his dad was either not there for him or he wasn't supportive, maybe he was fairly abusive, and so that creates a hair trigger sense of rage in vance" hair trigger meaning his patience is literally as thin as a strand of hair it does Not take a lot for him to snap

there more to it after that which i'll get into soon but yea thats the gist of it it's clear he had absent/neglectful/abusive parents and that would certainly contribute to why he's so angry all the time, maybe acting so explosive was the only way to get his parents' attention, either good or bad, so he just internalised that. obviously rage and anger issues like vance's lead to violence (not in all cases but in his case it does) and i think a neglectful and abusive upbringing would obviously expose him to more violence than a normal childhood would, therefore normalising it and desensitising him to it, whether he's seeing it play out in his own home and/or on television or something like that (because i doubt his parents would be the kind to monitor what content he's viewing)

i feel like he has little control over his life and that only adds to his anger, which in his case leads to a fight when his buttons are pushed too many times. i think he probably takes great pride in being the toughest in town and whatnot and winning fights and being perceived as strong and scary is good to him and helps him regain control/power, something he doesnt have at home. the rest of the quote from the interview i mentioned earlier states "this pinball machine could have been the only thing that he has in his heart that's like, good, like 'holy cow i did this, i set the score,' so when someone comes along and messes it up for him, it takes away the only thing that he has. i think that that's when he switches to a 'now you're gonna pay for that'"

similar to what i said about fighting, the pinball machine and his high score is something he has control over and its an important part of his reputation/image like. hes literally pinball vance ! and the whole thing about that high score being the "only thing he has in his heart that's good" implies that hes. well. pretty shit at everything else, which is pretty much canon if you remember that gwen said vance was held back twice in school. makes me think that while he's not the brightest in school he's certainly street smart

moving onto ermmmmm him getting kidnapped era because im sure youre wondering "well bee if he's so street smart then why did he get kidnapped" so may i raise two theories (this is. literally all i got and its not even concrete, me and my friend gray (@staggersz) tried to figure out how this could even happen and this is the most plausible thing we've got. so shoutout to him real quick he has had to deal with me being unnormal about vance for like a year and a half thanks king couldnt have done all this without my rotting buddy)

so either he got taken by surprise (most likely option) or vance's trust was gained first via getting given quarters at the pinball machine and small talk and shit like that but this is unlikely because i feel like it'd take a loooooong time for someone like vance to trust a some random stranger adult man when he clearly has issues with trusting and respecting people older than him and people with authority (e.g. cops, his parents, or school officials) so yea being taken by surprise would probably be the most realistic option, i always see people on tiktok being like "how did the grabber kidnap vance hes so strong!!!!" dude its a 15 year old boy against like. a 45 year old man who's already claimed two lives its really not gonna be a fair fight here

before i get into the next part i wanna quickly address a theory i absolutely Hate and it is so easily disproven and that is the theory that vance is the grabber's son or is related to him in some other way and i see it Far too often on tiktok and i HATE it. from what ive seen this all stems from his dream sequence where he kicks open the fence to albert's house and, presumably, goes inside after being dropped off by the police after the grab n go fight. idk if some people just straight up didnt realise this but clearly in real life he is going to his Own House??? in the dream it's only albert's house because this is how he chooses to show gwen the house she's trying to find her brother in, the house that he himself was killed in??? i hate the theory i hate it sm

the dream sequence itself is interesting though as the ghosts seem to only be able to conjure up what theyve seen in real life (like how bruce can picture the outside of the house and show that to gwen but the house number is all flipped and not right beause he doesnt know it) so vance being able to picture the house and the number and the gate and every detail would imply that hes seen it before, but im going to explain that away as either he got out once before like with finney's failed escape attempt, or the house is most likely on the route he walks to school or the grab n go or something and he hasnt actually been there prior to being kidnapped

mini rant over now onto being kidnapped i guess, so i used the missing posters to try and estimate a timeline of how long each ghost boy would've been in the basement for (although the missing posters are notoriously unreliable for details such as looks/height/age/etc, the dates seem to all line up). so we know the order is griffin, billy, vance, bruce, robin, finney, right?? if we use the poster date then billy was taken on may 4th, 1976, a month and two days after griffin was taken (april 2nd 1976). vance was taken on september 23rd 1977, almost a full year later (stay with me im going somewhere with this), and after that bruce was taken on july 18th 1978, again almost a full year later

its established in the movie that the grabber stalks his victims before he takes them (canon because we literally see the van watching finney and gwen as they walk home from school early on in the movie) but we dont know how long he does this for since griffin/billy and robin/finney were taken such short distances apart and then the others were taken such long distances apart, also it's possible he could stalk his next victim while the previous one is still alive, etc etc lots of confusing factors, but if i've done the maths right then the absolute maximum time vance could've spent down there is 9 months and 25 days, or 298 days, so erm . let that sink in !

howeverrrr in the movie gwen states that vance went missing "last spring" and september is definitely not in spring, meaning he could've been down there for a year or even longer. an explanation or excuse i could think of for the movie and the missing poster saying different things (other than the missing posters being known for some areas being wildly inaccurate) is that maybe he was taken in spring but wasnt labelled as officially missing until september, when he was properly linked to griffin and billy's similar disappearances and the mysterious grabber? i can imagine it'd be very easy for law enforcement, especially in the 70s, to dismiss someone like vance as a runaway until they get solid evidence that he was taken. idk though thats just my personal excuse / angsty headcanon for the difference in information

not sure what exactly killed him but we do hear from vance himself that "he took his time with me" so it was probably blood loss from a variety of injuries, if we look at him in his ghost scenes we can see his hair is absolutely covered in blood which indicates head injury, he clearly has a broken nose and bruising around his eyes as a result of it, he has these deep cuts on his abdomen area (apologies for the image quality but i believe they're like. sfx pieces you would wear under clothing)

and he also has just like. minor bruising (like the fingerprints on his arm) and other random blood splatters on his face and neck (assuming the blood down his neck comes from wherever he was bleeding on his head) so Yeah overall very unpleasant way to die obviously

okay now the part thats actually in the movie and it only took me 13 paragraphs to get here: vance as a ghost!! first thing i wanna point out is appearance wise i just want to say that when he's a ghost he's missing his choker and that fact Pains me. anyway personality-wise i feel like being violently murdered has, understandably, kicked his rage up to like. the highest level it could possibly go. he's insanely snarky and downright rude to finney on the phone, showing no empathy to the fact that finney is literally in the exact situation he was in

i feel like the whole "this is the nightmare end of your pathetic little life" and "if you knew what you had coming, you'd be fucking terrified" thing is definitely to scare finney on purpose and to get him to do something, vance might as well have just told him he's never going home cuz thats how it came across LMAOO, it is startling though because vance is clearly speaking from experience, that he was literally fucking terrified, and he is warning finney in his own weird way

the thing i think sets vance apart from the other ghosts is that while he does help finney, he does it for a different reason than they do. the other ghosts want finney to escape, to get out, to be free, to live, but personally i dont think vance cares about that. the only thing he wants is for albert shaw to be dead, for someone to seek vengeance, to do what vance couldn't. vance doesn't care if it's bruce or robin or finney or whatever boy could've come after that, he doesnt care as long as that man gets what he deserves after what he put vance through, and i see this through the scene at the end of vance's call where finney thanks him for his help and vance says, and i quote, "helping you? this isn't about you, fuck him! and apologies for being repetitive but to me it just literally proves that to vance, this isnt about finney or his escape, its just about revenge

we dont get to find out what happens to the ghosts once the credits have rolled, and i dont think we quite know enough about tbp's version of ghosts to guess what theyre up to, but i have a few theories :3 maybe theyre no longer bound to those two houses and they can now go anywhere they want in town? or maybe since their shared goal of stopping albert has been achieved, the ghosts can finally pass on to whatever is waiting for them next. i dont think vance would be content to pass on that quickly or easily as anger lingers, but i hope he'd be able to let go of it eventually, and hey we might find out in the sequel. i pray it mentions him cuz i will just die if it doesnt

sometimes, ok thats a lie, frequently i think about an au where he survived or escaped or whatever but ohhhh boy this post is already a train wreck so that au would deserve its own essay of a post :3 if u actually genuinely read this far then Wtf thanks for reading the ramblings of an absolute madman, only pure delusion could get like 20 paragraphs about a guy with 6 minutes screentime but hey thats how i roll, thanks again to my pal gray for letting me rot and thank u to my other pal ana for also enduring all this rot

hope u enjoyed my interpretation of vance hopper im going to crawl in a hole now and probably brainrot some more, thanks again for ur time :3

[writer-room]

Hey. The Finders have no idea that Bonzle was captured. Fritz and Spitz are still waiting, playing video games in the Monastery, for Cole to bring their sister out of hiding now that the blood moon is over. Geo is still sitting by the window, watching and waiting for a dragon on the horizon to return his kid safe and sound. Cole took a very unsure Bonzle, assured them all everything would be okay, and they'd be back soon. He promised he'd find a way to protect her.

Don't think about how they'll smile when Cole finally trudges back, happy to know he's okay. Especially don't think about the Finders stopping, looking out over the group, and how Cole can't look them in the eyes when they turn to him and ask; where's Bonzle?

[annihilatius]

Bioshock if Ken Levine wasn't fucking around

[belthegore]

silly times (+ pre-embrace parasite)

[lesbianfakir]

To elaborate on my ruekirtho throuple thoughts, sometimes I think about a world where their shared love for mytho brought rue and fakir together instead of driving them apart. They’re both incredibly lonely kids who have lost too much and, as much as they care for mytho, a heartless doll isn’t replacement for real human companionship. So they find each other.

Rue knows it will never last. No one beyond her Prince will ever love her. She sees the way Fakir throws rocks at the flock of crows that gathers around her. When he discovers her identity—and she knows he will discover her identity one day—they’ll go back to being enemies. He is the Knight and she is the daughter of the Raven, his killer. Still, it’s nice to have a friend even for a little while. So she lets herself forget. She forgets who, what, she is. She forgets that there was ever a before. She forgets that they won’t last.

Fakir knows there is something very, very wrong in Rue’s life. He sees the deep scratches that stand out against her almost unnaturally pale skin. She speaks in a hushed tone with a haunted look in her eyes when it’s time to go home. She won’t tell him anything, though. He doesn’t even know where she lives; it’s as if she disappears at the end of the day. He just hopes that one day, when it comes down to it, he’ll be able to protect her from whatever haunts her.

By the time the story goes into motion, the two, along with Mytho, are near inseparable. When Mytho begins regaining his heart, Rue and Fakir work together to put a stop to it. When Rue begins losing track of the days, feeling as if someone else is trying to claw their way out of her chest, she almost goes to Fakir for help. Almost.

It is, of course, Fakir who shatters the illusion that is Rue. Her one and only friend calls her an ugly crow, and in that moment she remembers what she is. What she’s always been. They’ve been enemies from birth. This “friendship” was nothing more than the a sad illusion created by a lonely girl—a girl who no longer exists. And she knows now, in her father’s absence, her “friend” will die at her hand. This is their fate and fate cannot be changed. Still, it was nice while it lasted.

[garashir]

Charles and Arthur in The Aftermath of Genesis