#post rescue identity reveal sex is the best sex

[natalievoncatte]

Through the howling nightmare, Supergirl’s voice was clear as thunder from a clear sky.

“I will not drop you. You have to jump!”

Lena lay clinging to a cargo net in the bottom of the wreckage of the plane, suspended thirty thousand feet up by the quivering, all-too-human fingers of Supergirl’s right hand. As the other woman stood on the sky, the wind lashed her, and Lena knew that Supergirl could not save them both, could not keep both halves of the plane aloft. Even if her shaking hands could hold the weight, the plane itself would collapse, disintegrate. There was no time.

She wanted to make peace with it. This would be a good end, she thought. Supergirl would gel the world, tell them about Lena’s sacrifice. Her death would inspire people, and it would lead to Morgan Edge’s downfall. She was tired of fighting, tired of struggling. She was cold and every bone in her body hurt and the back of her head was throbbing from where Edge’s goon had knocked her out. Lena had been knocked out so many times it had probably given her permanent damage.

The world hated her. Everyone hated her. All they saw was a Luthor no matter what she did. Why fight? Why cling to a life she didn’t even want anymore?

“Lena, please.”

The agony in Supergirl’s plea struck her with physical force, a thump in her chest that made it too real. There was something in that voice that made her believe, even hope. There was something more in that voice, something pleading and longing, unbearably heavy with an unfathomable pain.

“I won’t drop you!” she insisted, her words a veiled threat:

I’ll poison the whole damned city before I let you go.

So Lena began to climb.

It was agonizing. Her fingers burned. It felt like her joints were tearing apart and her muscles shredding. The air was too thin and the wreckage was swinging and oh God almighty Jesus she was going to puke. She climbed higher and higher, and by the time she was close enough to see the terror in Supergirl’s eyes, she was reciting the Lord’s Prayer under her breath, some distant part of her brain remembering a darkened Irish church from another life.

“Jump!”

Lena jumped.

She could swear that Supergirl let go the instant she lost contact. The other half of the plane fell away into the terrible void below her, and when she landed she thought she’d missed, that she must have died, but she landed on cargo netting and the wreckage groaned around her as Supergirl took a better grip and began descending, carrying the poison away from the reservoir and to safety.

When the plane came to rest, Supergirl tore her way inside with frantic desperation, shredding the wreckage until she reached Lena, lifting her bodily from the netting, curling the smaller woman in her powerful arms.

“You’re safe, you’re okay, you’re safe…” and then she mumbled something in what had to be Kryptonian, almost too low for Lena to hear.

The rest of the night was a blur, and Lena was exhausted. There was a brief medical exam by Kara’s sister Alex -odd that she always seemed to show up when Supergirl was involved- and then it happened.

Supergirl stepped into the tent where Lena lay on a stretcher, very hurt and sore but mostly just exhausted, and said in the softest voice, “May I take you home, Miss Luthor?”

Any other time she’d have quipped, first about the formality and then about how she really didn’t want to fly right now, but this time she said “Yes” without a second thought, without even knowing why.

Supergirl did not ask, but it was not a presumption. She scooped Lena up and carried her outside, exchanging a fraught look with Agent Danvers, some wordless agreement made between them that resulted in a curt nod from Alex.

Lena curled into Supergirl as they took off, shrouded in her cape, head tucked in the hollow between her neck and shoulder. It was weirdly intimate and yet oddly comfortable, familiar even. It wasn’t a long flight before Supergirl landed on Lena’s balcony with the greatest grace, barely jarring her, and bore her inside.

Supergirl lowered her onto the couch and stepped back. She stared at Lena and Lena stared back, the air bearing a charge between them so intense that Lena thought she smelled ozone, as if the air was heavy before a summer storm.

It was Supergirl who looked like she’d just suffered the terror of her life, like she was the one who had looked into the dark tonight and found that the abyss gazes also. She kept on staring

Lena didn’t know why she asked. The question came to her and was already on the air before she had even formed it.

“Would you have really dropped the chemicals in the reservoir to save me?”

Supergirl didn’t hesitate. She didn’t explain or dissemble. She spoke a single word with total conviction and absolute truth.

“Yes.”

“Why?” Lena demanded, wobbling as she tried to stand up. “Why? I’m not worth it. You barely know-“

Lena faltered and in an instant, Supergirl was there, steadying her, gazing into her face… longingly.

Lena’s heart raced. They were inches apart and she could swear they Supergirl was holding her tenderly by her arms to kiss her, not support her. She could feel the Kryptonian’s breath on her lips.

“That’s not true. I do know you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look at me.”

“Supergirl-“

“Lena, please, it’s me. Look at me.”

Lena started to say something, to deflect, to escape the intensity of Supergirl’s apparent longing, but then… she looked.

It’s me.

A sharp breath dragged through her of its own accord as Lena gasped, her gaze darting about as she saw this woman as if for the first time, a shiver running down her spine. Her eyes went wide as she met Supergirl’s gaze, staring deeply into her ocean blue eyes and recognizing the depth within them- layers upon layers, the sorrow that swirled beneath the the laugh lines like freezing ocean currents swirling too far below the cerulean surface. The quick wit and self-deprecating humor, the humility and kindness and joy. These were the eyes of a woman who laughed easily and felt deeply, who desperately sought to make the world a better place, to show others the goodness that she could see in them when others could not.

The eyes of Kara Danvers.

Look at me.

“Oh my God,” Lena whispered. “Oh my God. Kara.”

Kara smiled, looking blessedly relieved as tears fell from her eyes.

“It’s me, Lena. I should have told you after… mmmph!”

She didn’t finish. They were kissing instead. Lena had no doubts, no fears, she just knew. All she had to do was throw herself into it and Kara gathered her up into a careful embrace, at once feather-light and gentle and sure and safe as being hugged by a castle. Kara kissed her back with stunning intensity, so greedily, so hungrily, that Lena was a little shocked. She hadn’t been kissed like this… ever, really. She was barely aware that she’d been lifted from the ground and set on a kitchen stool and it took a moment before she even realized that she’d grabbed a handful of the buns of steel, and Kara had been just as forward.

Then Kara suddenly seemed to recall that Lena needed to breath and pulled back.

“I should stay the night,” she panted. “Edge might send more of them after you. I can protect you.”

Lena nodded, blinking back her own tears. Kara didn’t let go.

She did stay the night, though Lena ended up teasing her bodyguard about taking off her super-suit so quickly.

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

Feb 17th

~*~

1. I may have asked for this already at some point, but I do love it so... ITMF fics where an outsider misconstrues Wangxian's relationship. A great example would be "Happy Not Knowing", in which LXC thinks they're just friends with benefits. Another great one is "Every Mother's Son," where Madam Lan sets out to rescue WWX from suffering the same fate as her. Any misconception will do, I just want to see characters' baffled realizations that wow, these two really are disgustingly in love after all. @invisible-mirror

The F-Word by raspberrymocha (M, 10k, WangXian, Modern AU, Family Dynamics, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Humor, Fluff, Light Angst, Weddings, Engagement, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Sex, 5+1 Things, Heteronormativity) might count, where everyone believes Wangxian are just friends, when the two have been trying to announce their engagement

Marital Claims by yeolinski (M, 5k, wangxian, Lawyers, Established Relationship, Marriage, Married Life, Accidental Marriage, the juniors are interns, nobody believes they're married basically)

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2. Hi (^▽^) this is for ITMF! I would really like to read something where the juniors find out about the past™/ what happened to WWX, and get angry for WWX(not at him!!), kinda like they are taking his side? I guess?? something like that, thanks, have great day (^▽^)/

🧡 the stone-filled sea by yukla (T, 9k, WangXian, LSZ & WWX, Post-Canon, senior wei defense squad, a study of the way prejudice and injustice and anger trickle down from generation to generation)

❤️ Tragedy is Not the End by Hobbsy3 (T, 358k, wangxian, Time Travel, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Canon Divergence from Qiongqi Pass, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Yunmeng sibling bonding, good dad wwx, good dad lwj, JZX Lives, JYL Lives, Junior Quartet Dynamics)

Trust by FlyingMachine1 (G, 8k, WWX & Juniors, wangxian, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Junior Ensemble Shenanigans, BAMF WWX, Humor, junior quartet is the wwx fan club)

❤️ grow by cafecliche (T, 14k, WangXian, Age Regression/De-Aging, Character Study, Post-Canon) A demon turns WWX into a child with only the memories of his childhood on the streets; the juniors take care of him while trying to break the curse, draw parallels to his adult behaviour patterns and we all cry; even Lan Qiren sniffs.

~*~

3. For the next IMTF: nephew reveal fics! Anything where JC finds out about Lan Sizhui, either as the primary focus of the fic or as a more-or-less significant plot point. Preferably ones where they end up with a familial relationship, or on the road to one. @linderel

Would You Come Home? by s6115 (Not rated, 46k, WangXian, Junior Quartet Centric, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Junior Quartet Dynamics)

and autumn comes when you're not yet done by tired (M, 36k, JC & WWX, wangxian, JC & LSZ, Angst, Family Issues, JC's crumbling mental health, Death Wishes, Regrets, defence mechanisms, Projection, Post-Canon, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Angst with a Happy Ending, References to Depression, Feelings, Canon-Typical Violence) I haven't read this, not nephew reveal but sounds like it could fit

when the sun goes out by travelingneuritis (E, 176k, WangXian, Modern Cultivation, tech cultivation, Necromancy, Angst with a Happy Ending, insecurity around adoption, Dad!WWX, dad!lwj, Grief/Mourning, Mistaken Identity, Mood Whiplash, Body Swap, sex tears!, Falling In Love, Consensual Somnophilia, apocalypse (localized), Smut, unrealistic sexual stamina, Flashbacks, Time Skips, Illustrations) it's not the focus (only like three paragraphs) but it's my favourite JC reaction to the Sizhui reveal

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4. For itmf. I asking for fics where LWJ groveling a little after WWX, doesn't matter the setting or if just a few scene.

Thank you.

Honesty is the Best Policy (Except if You're an Asshole) by piecrust (E, 22k, WangXian, Porn with feelings, College/University) is a good one! It’s a modern fic roughly 20k

我的皇后是農民 | sowing seeds in the cold palace by sweetlolixo (E, 84k, WangXian, Imperial Palace, Emperor LWJ, Imperial Consort WWX, Farmer WWX, Angst, Romance, Wingman LJY, Wife-chasing-LWJ, Arranged Marriage, Best Boy A-Yuan)

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5. Hiyaa. A) Can I have some books where it's of the Yin Hu Fu being turned into a child or children? Similar to The Unquiet Grave

B) ITMF some fics that are mostly wwx being a nie or just being besties with nhs while NMJ is a whole big brother to him :) @thatperson0-0

5B)

shades of grey spill from my veins (bleeding ink all over the page) by Reverie (cl410) (M, 58k, NMJ/LXC, wangxian, NHS/WN, POV NMJ, Canon Divergence, Joining the “Wei Wuxian raised by the Nie Sect” Club, Mentions of WWX’s life on the streets, Hurt/Comfort, Accidental Sibling Acquisition, Single Dad NMJ, NHS & WWX Friendship, Fluff, Humor, Happy Ending, Everyone Lives AU, Protective NMJ, Sunshot Campaign, Some angst, Blood and Injury, Kidnapping, Protective Siblings, Found Family)

Heart of the Beast by WaitForTheSnitch (E, 417k, WIP, WangXian, 3Zun, Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Oblivious WWX, WWX Deserves Better, WWX Deserves Happiness, WWX, Deserves Love, Protective NMJ, Scheming NHS, Protective NHS, Soft NMJ, is So Done, NHS Is A Little Shit, Pining LWJ, LWJ Has Feelings)

The Light That Fails to Dim by glowingreverie (T, 310k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mild Gore)

Come Around and Stay by trippednfell (M, 160k, wangxian, modern, slow burn, kid fic, found family, it gets worse before it gets better, PTSD, blood and injury, dissociation, trauma, angst w happy ending, musicals, alternating pov, JC & WWX reconciliation, hurt/comfort, panic attacks)

~*~

6. hi!! i hope you guys are doing well <3 I had a request for itmf, I was hoping you could rec some darkji fics? I don't mind any genre as long as there is no mpreg!!! thank you for all your hard work 💗

Like stones on an unseen board by Vir_Abelasan (Not rated, 11k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Dark LWJ, Older LWJ, Teacher LWJ, dark twin jades, Age Difference, Manipulation, Protective LWJ, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Corporal Punishment, Relatively canon-typical abusive Jiangs, WWX Get a Happy Ending, wangxian Get a Happy Ending, Not JC Friendly, Not Jiang Clan Friendly)

~*~

7. Thanks for all your hard work ❤️

I have a request for the next itmf.

Are there any crossover fics with only wangxian and hualian from tgcf? I searched and they had bingqiu but i haven't read svsss yet or any other ship. I would really like to only read crossovers between mdzs and tgcf.

Thank you ♥️

~*~

8. Can you direct me to some wangxian fics that are beautifully written and have plot but also with smut?

build me no shrines by occultings (microcomets) (M, 54k, wangxian, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, First Time, Getting Together, Confessions, Sharing a Bed, Hair Washing, Sentient Burial Mounds, Case Fic, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Light Angst, Flashbacks, mild body horror, foot washing, Happy Ending, Non-Sexual Intimacy..., then sexual intimacy, playing fast and loose with mdzs lore, WWX learning to accept intimacy without deflection, occasional LWJ humor agenda, [Podfic] build me no shrines by flamingwell)

爱不释手; never let me go by yiqie (E, 68k, wangxian, Case Fic, Blood and Injury, Demons, Body Horror, Mystery, The intrinsic horniness of wound tending, Yearning 2: The Electric Boogaloo, [Podfic] 爱不释手; never let me go by argentumlupine)

🔒 Due Process by Kytrin, ShotsOfSunshine (E, 279k, wangxian, JC/LXC/NHS, JL/LSZ/LJY/OYZZ, Modern, Canon-Typical Violence, Foxxian, dragonji, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid WWX, Wwx identifies as male, Organized Crime, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, mentions of child abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Found Family, Reincarnation)

curse of the dragon emperor by lulu_kitty (E, 96k, wangxian, Dragon AU, Canon Divergence, Mythology References, Identity Porn, Cursed WWX, Trans LWJ, Trans Male Character, Misgendering, Canon-Typical Violence, Gender Dysphoria, gender euphoria, Phoenixes, Curse as a Metaphor, Dragon WWX, Fox WWX, Double Penetration in Two Holes, Vaginal Sex, Anal Sex, Cunnilingus, Bottom LWJ, Dirty Talk, WWX Running His Mouth, LWJ Getting Bullied in Bed, Submissive LWJ, Trauma, WWX Has PTSD Minor Character Death, Prince WWX, Emperor WWX, Soulmates, Arranged Marriage, Weirdo4weirdo wangxian, Mpreg, Trans Male Pregnancy, Size Difference, Dragonxian has two dicks, YLLZ WWX)

🔒 the past drifts away with the waves by thelastdboy (E, 46k, wangxian, WWX & Wen remnants, LSZ & LWJ & WWX, WIP, graphic depictions of violence, major character death, Canon Divergence, Fall of Lotus Pier, Major Character Undeath, YZY Being an Asshole, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Minor Character Death, Major Character Injury, Amputation, Loss of Limbs, Transformation, Merpeople, Fierce Corpse WWX, Merperson WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Heavy Angst with a Happy Ending, No Sunshot Campaign, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cultivation Sect Politics, Not Cultivation World Friendly, Resentful Creature WWX, Undead Merperson WWX, Slow Burn, Getting Together, Revenge, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Resentment, Demonic Cultivation, POV WWX, River Spirit WWX, Non-Human Genitalia, Dark WWX, Monsterfucker LWJ, Wēn Remnants Deserve Better, Wēn Remnants Live, Wangxian Get a Happy Ending, Sect Leader WQ)

~*~

9. I was watching a YouTube video where the tuber was talking about how all men in ancient China had facial hair like Teacher Lan did. I know that MDZS takes place in a fantasy China setting. Hopefully there are plenty of fics out there about Wangian growing facial hair and they both think the other is absolutely gorgeous. I would love to read about them. ☺️ @lizzybgood

~*~

10. Question for the next Mood For, dear Mods. Do you know fics set in the canon verse or similar where lwj goes (stays) violent / dangerous and maybe mad with grief after wwx's death, a menace to the cultivation world? Bonus points if he is still like that when wwx comes back. @tehanu1979

Only death awaits the ones who disobey by Siera_Knightwalker (Not Rated, 8k, WangXian, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Temporary Character Death, Dark LWJ, Angry LWJ, Minor Character Death, Adopted LSZ, BAMF LWJ, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Immortality, No noncon, The world only survives 7 years before Wei wuxian is emergencied back into it, Protective LWJ, Sad LWJ, LWJ Loves WWX)

~*~

11. not exactly sure how to phrase this itmf, but could you please rec me some fics of the BM fam hustling toward a better life? as a community, they farmed and built and made wine and clothes etc, so id love to see them interact with the people of yiling/similar (could be any other jobs, including entertainment or anything else)

thank you!

Grave dirt by esama (T, 92k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Necromancy, Demonic Cultivation, farming, Found Family, Pre-Slash, canon-typical corpse desecration, Questionable approach to cutivation, Making Shit Up As I Go, Cultivation Sect Politics, Fix-It of Sorts, canon typical genocide mention, Burial Mounds, Yílíng Wèi Sect AU)

🔒the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 88k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days)

~*~

12. Itmf wangxian fics where jgy is a good person and supportive

what builds a home by Stratisphyre (T, 46k, JGY & WWX, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Adopted WWX, POV Multiple, warning for JGS behaving exactly as expected, child endangerment, Brother Feels, Minor Character Death)

Debts of a Child Part 2 by Hauntcats (M, 111k, JC & WWX & JYL, wangxian, JC & JYL & JFM & YZY, not YZY friendly, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Angst and Feels, lots of anger, not JC Friendly, not Jiang friendly, Angst with a Happy Ending, Content warning for icky spiders in later chapters, hurt no comfort for Jiang siblings)

The Wild Geese's Tomb by The Feels Whale (miscellea) (T, 66k, wangxian, LXC/JGY, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, all women live no women die, LWJ’s canonically intense feelings about everything all the time, WWX’s clinical depression gets treated and blamed on resentful energy, navigating gay marriage in ancient china by utiliizing class snobbery for your own ends, if you’re not sure whose fault anything going on in here is then blaming NHS is probably a good bet, WWX plays ‘summon LWJ’ it’s super effective!, the ‘unexploded cow’ approach to dealing with your enemies)

walk away from the sun by KouriArashi (M, 107k, LXC/JGY, LXC & LWJ, wangxian, LWJ & JGY, LXC & NMJ, Canon Divergence, Angst, Family, Hurt/Comfort,vEmotional Hurt/Comfort,vDeveloping Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Politics, supportive brothers, supportive husbands, Canon-Typical Violence, Lan Family Feels, Everybody Lives, Eventual Happy Ending)

The Misadventures of Wei Wuxian in Cultivation Realm by makkurokuro93 (E, 77k, wangxian, Transmigrator WWX, Inspired by Studio Ghibli, Courtesan LWJ, Courtesan LXC, Parallel Universes, Slow Burn, Good Person WX, Good Person JGY, BAMF CSSR, Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content)

🔒 omegaverse murder gremlins series by ShippersList (E, 203k, wangxian, LXC/JGY, rape/non-con, underage, A/B/O, nontraditional A/B/O dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Misunderstandings, Canon-Typical Violence, Spies & Secret Agents, Fake Character Death, Slow Burn, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, BAMF WWX, Attempted Sexual Assault, Canonical Character Death, Mutual Pining, Good JGY, Introspection, Self-Sacrificing WWX, Love Confessions, Protective LWJ, past child sexual abuse)

Peony to Lotus Series by Deriliarch (T, 72k, WIP, YaoLi, WangXian, ChengQing, Soft AU, Canon Divergence, POV JYL, JYL Lives, JYL-centric, Demisexual Character, Demiromantic Character, Slight pining, Arranged Marriage, Fix-It, Light Angst, Hopeful Ending, Marriage of Convenience, POV Alternating, Trigger warnings at the beginning of chapters--nothing huge, Trauma, Pregnancy, Parenthood, Fluff and Angst, Family Bonding, Anxiety, Courtship, Asexuality, Internalized Acephobia, Slice of Life, Flirting, Discussions on consent/relationship boundaries, Fluff, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Past XiYao, Internalized Misogyny) Wangxian is pretty background here, the focus is JGY/JYL

Reluctant partner by sacrificial_fawn (G, 31k, WangXian, XiYao, Modern AU, Mpreg, Family Reunions, bonding over your shared trauma, Reluctant Bonding, Married Life, Supportive LQR, Past Miscarriage, Male Lactation, non-graphic birth, Intersex WWX, Slight OOC) this one is hilarious

~*~

13. Hi! First of all, I’m really thankful for you guys’ work! I’ve found some of my favourite fics through your account!

Do you guys happen to know any fics where teenage or war era wangxian meet adult (and married) wangxian? It can be time travel or anything honestly! I’m not particular about the details.

I’ve been trying to search for something like this but was unable to come across anything.

花无百日红; the flower that withers by yiqie (M, 29k, wangxian, Time Travel, Fix-It of Sorts, Case Fic, Spells & Enchantments, Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, It's about the emotional catharsis, If you have ever laughed at WWX clowning himself for the 'no one will marry you' scene, This fic is: for you)

River Stones by littlesystems (M, 18k, wangxian, Time Travel, Post-Canon, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Junior Quartet, Oblivious WWX, Suffering LWJ, LJY having the time of his life, Voyeurism)

🔒 ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water by RoseThorne (G, 1k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, JC & WWX, JYL & WWX, WQ & WWX, LQR & LWJ, LQR & WWX, Major character death, Time Travel Fix-It, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Past Character Death, Future Character Death, Timey-Wimey, Truth, Honesty, Guilt, Crack and Angst, POV Third Person, POV WWX, Cloud Recesses Study Arc)

~*~

14. Itmf wangxian fics with

A) exhausted WWX and doting lwj

And B) your favorite most feet-kicking fluff

14A)

🔒we made space by MajorEnglishEsquire (E, 19k, WangXian, Getting Together, Sleep, Sleeping Together, Lap Sitting, Marriage Proposal, Fluff, First Kiss, Sharing a Bed, Adopted Children, Exhaustion, Happy Ending, Sex)

hunters seeking solid ground by Attila (E, 23k, WangXian, Canon Compliant, discussion of canon character death, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, bed sharing, Getting Together, Yearning, Literal Sleeping Together, Really Excessive Amounts of Hurt/Comfort)

Red Flower With One Hundred Petals; Smoke Carried on the Blue Dusk Air by carolyncaves (T, 32k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Alcohol, Mental Health Issues, Angst, Tenderness, Golden Core Reveal, Hurt/Comfort, thoughts of death/dying, Rabbits, Caretaking, Marriage Proposal, Wedding Fluff, Family Feels, Literal Sleeping Together, Shotgun Wedding, angry wedding planner JC, Yunmeng sibling drama and fluff, physical affection, Terrible Parties, Happy Ending, for WangXian, i'd call it a 'significantly more optimistic' ending for the larger plot)

14B)

Hand in hand is the only way to land by so_shhy (T, 4k, WangXian, Modern AU, Meet-Cute, Fluff)

The Late Great Custody Debate by stiltonbasket (G, 9k, WangXian, NieLan , XuanLi, Modern AU, Domestic Fluff, baby a-yuan, Single Parent WWX, Confused WWX, Happy Ending)

i’ll have you and you’ll have me by sundiscus (T, 4k, WangXian, Modern AU, Established Relationship, Marriage Proposal, fluff with a sprinkling of angst (for flavor), i’ll have you and you’ll have me [Podfic] by Fleur Rochard (fleurrochard))

Setting in a Honeymoon by harriet_vane (G, 1k, WangXian, Fluff)

Some of You by tangerinechar (M, 60k, WangXian, Modern AU, Social Media, Actor AU, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Love Confessions, Matchmaking, Light Angst)

looking through a window by glitteringmoonlight (T, 5k, wangxian, modern, college/universtity au, outsider pov, fluff, humor)

🧡 A Study in Fluff by WeaverOfTheNight (T, 29k, WangXian, Modern AU, Ghost bunnies, Vet LWJ, Architect WWX, Kid LSZ, Domestic fluff, Modern with Magic)

~*~

15. heyyy admins, any suggestions on sick wwx and lwj takes care of him? thanks for your hard work lovelies! :)

between two lungs by fruitys (M, 10k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Getting Together, Sickfic, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Sexual Intimacy, but also. Sexual Intimacy, Sharing a Bed, Literal Sleeping Together, but also! A Different Kind of Sleeping Together, First Kiss, Love Confessions)

I'm For You Now by phnelt (T, 5k, WangXian, Sickfic, Caretaking, Bathing/Washing, Comfort Food, Good Uncle LQR, it's a mild cold, low stakes softness, Domestic Fluff)

🔒 may your sunlit soul find its way home by puddingcatbeans (G, 10k, wangxian, JC & LWJ, Post-Canon, PTSD, sort of a case fic, Light Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Tenderness)

🔒 Love in all forms, something tender by Vrishchika (T, 4k, wangxian, WWX & LSZ, WWX & LXC, WWX & LQR, Post-Canon, married wangxian, Established Relationship, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Family Feels, Sickfic, Sick Character)

Sick Bed Reserved In Gusu Lan by scifigeek14 (T, 14k, wangxian, Sickfic, Hurt/Comfort, sick/comfort, Healing, Illnesses, Fever, Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Golden Core Reveal, POV Alternating, POV Multiple, POV Third Person Limited, Happy Ending)

Talismans by brooklinegirl (E, 10k, wangxian)

~*~

16. Hiiii for the next itmf I want fics with wwx wearing the lan forehead ribbon (like properly wearing it yk not in the ‘inappropriate use of the lan forehead ribbon’ way lol although I don’t mind if that’s part of it too), signaling he’s part of the sect cause he married in

Thank youuuu :D

~*~

17. I’m in the mood for fics that are long(ish) (about less 100k more than 30k) with plot but with not too much angst and that still prominently features wangxian relationship. Thank you for your hard work 💕

golden when the day met the night by glitteringmoonlight (Not rated, 95k, slow burn, sugar daddy LWJ, light, angst, fluff, developing relationship, eventual smut, WIP)

Linger in the Sun by etymologyplayground (T, 39k, wangxian, JC & WWX, Case Fic, Intimacy, Curses, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Cuddling & Snuggling, Getting Together, Romance, Sexual Tension, Scent Kink, WWX Loves To Teach, wangxian are married, Fluff, nonsexual intimacy, Scars, Sharing a Bed, Nonverbal Communication, this is HEAVY on the symbolism, Translation in Russian)

❤️ kick at the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf, tardigradeschool (T, 75k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Kid Fic, teen shenanigans, two a-yuans, Fluff and Angst)

what builds a home by Stratisphyre (T, 46k, JGY & WWX, wangxian, canon divergence, child endangerment, JGS being JGS)

wide enough and wild by impossibletruths (E, 64k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Canonical Accidental Baby Acquisition, Families of Choice, References to Depression, Happy Ending, I Swear To God I’m Giving Them A Happy Ending, Overzealous Use Of Imagery, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Well Except WN But He Was Already Dead So, Fix-It of Sorts, [Podfic] Wide Enough and Wild by semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona)) this isn't super plot heavy, but there's some plot

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[mikakuna]

Hey! This is the music anon again! I was wondering if you had any jayroy fic recs? Or, given your latest post lol, only child Jay fic recs (or even JUST Jay and dick as Bruce’s kids fic recs) and if not that, then, an au where Jason didn’t pick up the mantle/was convinced not too, and is living his civilian life. I’ve read rara Avis by zoeleo already lol, Idk if you read that one?

omg hey!! i have a few fic recs for what you'd like to see but honestly i'm lacking a bit in jayroy! i'll link the ones that i rlly enjoyed tho <3 and alsooo the only-child jason fics are all set during his childhood sadly, so i don't have any where he's an adult and still bruce's only child :(

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48627046/chapters/122658637

When Batman rescues a twelve-year-old boy from a sex-trafficking ring, he ultimately makes the decision to look after him for a few days, feeling responsible for his current condition. Revealing his identity to the boy is the logical next step. Building trust was important, and Bruce needed Jason to trust him. There’s one slight problem with Bruce’s plan. Due to the effects of the Joker Venom, Jason doesn’t remember anything about meeting Batman, let alone Bruce Wayne. In Jason’s eyes, he’s been trafficked. And the man who brought him is none other than Bruce himself.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29237001/chapters/71790027

Jason’s background as a victim of abuse and childhood homelessness means it’s hard for him to trust, and to ask for things. After only a couple months in the manor, he still isn’t sure about Bruce Wayne.

https://archiveofourown.org/series/575182

When Bruce brings a new child home to the manor, Dick has a few choice words for Bruce about making him Robin. Convinced that Jason needs a stable loving family more than he needs a crime-fighting outlet, Bruce, Dick, and Alfred take on the challenge of bringing Jason up as civilian while still keeping their caped careers a secret.

Or: Bruce Wayne is a Good Dad, Dick Grayson is a Great Brother, Alfred is the Best Grandpa, and Jason is smol. Tooth-rotting fluff ahoy. (i'm linking this even though you read it for people who haven't yet! also i never read the ones with tim in it but those are a lot later in the series so don't worry, it's still jason and bruce centric)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26730145/chapters/65210116

Jason Todd was kidnapped at nine-years-old and given two options. Work for his keep, or be forced to to work for his keep.

His life was not pleasant, but Jason was nothing if not a fighter, and dammit if was he going to let the hell around him kill who he was as a person. Or his dreams of growing up and going to college.

Those dreams suddenly came a little more into focus, when his idiot of a pimp accidentally tried to rent him to Bruce Wayne. Poor bastard could have never guessed he was the Batman himself. Heck, not even Jason figured that out, at first. And Batman had practically adopted him. (i loved this so much)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49876537

Jason doesn't die at the hands of the Joker. There are a couple of things he and Bruce might need to work through.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55020211

“You will fix this,” Alfred corrects him. “You will fix this, and let Master Jason know that you don’t care about his sexual orientation, that it changes nothing. That you were mistaken in what you said to him. That you certainly didn’t mean to imply that you thought any less of him for his choice in reading.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22637476/chapters/54102781

Batman makes it in time to save Robin from the bomb. He doesn't make it in time to save Jason from the Joker.

Or Batman is too late in every universe, but Bruce Wayne doesn't have to be.

+ jayroy:

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1328723

i've linked this one in a previous rec list but basically, this is an au series where jason escapes an abusive relationship and meets roy!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30004014

It was just dinner with family. A family large enough to be an independent militia, but that was all. Nothing serious.

Lian disagreed. (one of my fav crack fics!!)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52945642

a fic where the bats find out, one by one, that jason and roy are dating!

i really don't have much for jayroy since i'm pretty picky when it comes to jason fics and ship fics in general, but i'll reblog this if i find any others that i enjoy! in the meantime, hopefully these are some new fics for you to read!!

[buckybarnesbingo]

BBB Week 13 Roundup!

Thanks to everyone that joined us for our Discord Party this weekend!  We’ll have another one on the third weekend in August.

gif by xxxxxx6

Title: put out this fire (burning in my soul) - Chapter 1 Creator(s): liloau Link: ao3 Square: K2 - Dessert Rating: Explicit Ship(s): James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers Warnings: N/A Major tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Friends, Reunions, Pining Summary: Life for Steve Rogers is looking up. He’s in Brooklyn where he belongs, and has risen through the ranks to become a Fire Captain for the N.Y.F.D. Between his job and his found family, the only thing missing is someone to share this life that he’s built with. When Steve’s sent up the ladder on his first call as Fire Captain to retrieve a cat, aptly named Alpine, he gets more than he bargained for. Relying on him for a rescue is none other than Bucky Barnes, his childhood best friend and the defining crush of his teenage years. Once his feet are planted firmly on the ground, Steve realizes the embers of his crush from fifteen years ago are still smoldering. Will he be able to fan the old flame, or will it end up being just another fire for him to put out? Word count/format: 8509

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Title: Never More to Go Astray - Chapter 5 Creator(s): PolIZ Link: ao3 Square: U3 - Steve Rogers Rating: Teen Ship(s): Bucky & Steve & Tony Warnings: None Major tags: Star Wars AU, young!Tony, POV Alternating, Mandalorian!Bucky, Jedi!Steve Summary: Summary: This isn't the first bounty hunter An-Tone Stark has dealt with, but he is the first that is a Mandalorian. Things get even more complicated when one of the few remaining Jedi steps into the mix and a connection is revealed. Chapter 5: After assessing the damage to Stark's ship - and discovering an Imperial Inquisitor is on the way - Djems and Stark head back to the surface to find parts, while Ste'fan fixes what he can. Word count/format: 1083

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Title: Wrong Number, Right Call Creator(s): PoliZ Link: ao3 Square: B1 - KINK: Sex Friends Rating: Explicit Ship(s): Bucky/Steve Warnings: alcohol usage, cheating ex-boyfriend Major tags: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Meet Awkward, Anonymity, Sexting, Phone Sex, Mutual Masturbation, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers Summary: Slightly drunk (and more than slightly horny), Steve opens a text from an unknown number. Whoever it is, they're pissed at a cheating ex -- which is something Steve has a bit of experience with -- and he expresses his sympathies. Turns out replying to that wrong number is absolutely the right call. Word count/format: 2266

More under the cut!

Title: Reconnaissance Creator(s): PoliZ Link: ao3 Square: B4 - Yelena Belova Rating: Gen Ship(s): Bucky & Yelena Warnings: None Major tags: Post TFaWS, Post Hawkeye, Looking for Answers Summary: Bucky is approached by a young woman who is looking for intel on the former Black Widow. Word count/format: 454

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Title: Something’s Starting Right Now - Chapter 2 Creator(s): PoliZ Link: ao3 Square: C1 - Merpeople Rating: Teen Ship(s): past Steve/Bucky, current Bucky/Clint Warnings: none Major tags: AU Merpeople, Captivity, Shipwreck, Alternating POV, arranged marriage Summary: Overall Summary: For the good of his clan, Clint is marrying a man he never met. He wasn't too thrilled about it -- that is, until he met James. Their relationship gets more complicated when Clint is confronted with an element of James' past. Chapter 2 Summary: Steve’s return to the sea in search of the merman he freed from captivity was a foolish endeavor, so he seeks solace in his memories. It turns out to perhaps not have been so foolish after all. Word count/format: 1205

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Title: Twice The Man He Expected Creator(s): PolIZ Link: ao3 Square: U1 - Multiple Personalities Rating: Gen Ship(s): Bucky/Marc Spector | Steven Grant Warnings: Alcohol use, casual sex Major tags: One Night Stands, Implied Sexual Content, Dissociative Identity Disorder, POV Bucky Barnes, Something in Common Summary: After a one night stand with a handsome stranger named Marc, Bucky Barnes wakes up with someone else. Word count/format: 601

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Title: Part One: Avengers Assemble Creator(s): PoliZ Link: ao3 Square: K4 - Love at First Sight Rating: Gen Ship(s): Bucky/Clint, Bucky & Steve Warnings: none Major tags: Harry Potter fusion, young!Clint, Young!Bucky, Summary: Clint was beginning to think he'd made a big mistake boarding the train headed to Hogwarts; after all, he barely knew anything about the magic world. But then he met Natasha, Steve ... and Bucky. Maybe he could find a place to fit in after all. Word count/format: 3224

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Title: The Devil Is in the Details (Sign on the Dotted Line) - Chapter 2 Creator(s): PoliZ Link: ao3 Square: K5 - Tony Stark/Iron Man Rating: Teen Ship(s): Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark/Clint Barton Warnings: Gaslighting Major tags: No Powers AU, Demon Summoning, Witches, Contracts, Lawyers, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Demon Bucky Barnes, Demon Clint Barton Summary: Things go from bad to worse when Tony Stark accidentally summons a demon while trying to cook his mother's osso bucco for Ty to woo him back.Tony tries to make the best of his evening with Ty as Bucky and Clint stare disapprovingly at his boyfriend. Word count/format: 2431

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Title: Something to Prove Creator(s): PoliZ Link: ao3 Square: Y5 - Happily Ever After Rating: Teen Ship(s): Bucky/Clint Warnings: none Major tags: Moodboard+ficlet, Clint POV, Wedding, Gay Marriage Summary: Natasha checks in with Clint before he and Bucky walk down the aisle together. Word count/format: 265

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Title: A Fruit Dispute Creator(s): PoliZ Link: tumblr Square: B5 - Soft Rating: Gen Ship(s): Bucky/Steve/Tony Warnings: Knife throwing Major tags: Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Knife Throwing, Food as a Metaphor For Love Summary: Steve's morning craving for something sweet and fruity gets him in trouble with one of his boyfriends. Word count/format: 356

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Title: Firestorm (Chapter 4) Creator(s): scottxlogan Link: ao3 Square: Adopted - Pain Rating: Explicit Ship(s): Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content, Rough Sex, Biting, Murder Mystery Major tags: Explicit Sexual Content, Mistaken Identity, From Sex to Love, Misunderstandings, Murder Mystery, Canon Divergence Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe-Firefighters, Light Angst, Swearing, Arson Summary: Bucky feels the pressure of poker night upon him when Tony gets along with his friends exceedingly well. The night takes a turn as Sam's grief reveals itself in an unexpected moment after fun and games. When Bucky feels the walls closing in on him in knowing just how easy it is for him to become attached to Tony and invite him into his life, Bucky decides to push the envelope to prove that he isn't falling hard for the billionaire playboy who arrived at his doorstep. In doing so all Bucky's plans moving forward begin to unravel as Tony Stark is too deep in his system for Bucky to even think of turning away. Word count/format: 11837

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Title: I wanna squeeze that peach Creator(s): Laevateinn Link: tumblr Square: C3 - Steve Rogers Rating: Teen Ship(s): Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Warnings: N/A Major tags: crack, fluff, slice of life, canon divergent, moodboard Summary: On a hot summer day, Steve just wants something to drink. Unfortunately, he seems to be only able to find peaches. Word count/format: 490

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Title: In A Barbie World Creator(s): Sidepartskinnyjeans Link: tumblr Square: K3 - Poor Life Choices Rating: Teen Ship(s): Bucky x Reader Warnings: Suggestive dancing & swearing Major tags: Suggestive dancing, fancy dress, karaoke Summary: Bucky loses a bet to you and questions how he ends up on stage , in pink, singing 90s karaoke Word count/format: 645

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Title: Reconciliation Creator(s): scottxlogan Link: ao3 Square: U4 - Mind Control or Brain Washing Rating: Teen Ship(s): Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark Warnings: Being restrained by bad guys, swearing Major tags: Adult Content, Mild Language, Post-Break Up, Misunderstandings, Idiots in Love, Reunions, Love Confessions, Restraints, Happy Ending Summary: Six months ago Tony Stark asked Bucky Barnes to take their relationship to the next level and move in with him. The next morning Bucky disappeared leaving Tony wondering where he'd gone wrong. Now reunited and facing a threat to their future, the two are forced to face the truth that it took six months to return to in Bucky's absence. Will they find a way to reunite or end up in a situation beyond their control after the bad guys managed to gain the upper hand? Word count/format: 7126

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Title: Ch 1 - Oh It's Magick Creator(s): sassyseme (Ao3), sassysambucky (tumblr) Link: ao3 Square: B3 - Stranded Rating: Explicit Ship(s): Sam/Bucky Warnings: Uh, kidnapping? Violence? Major tags: Vampires, Magic, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes Summary: Bucky is magically split into two bodies, himself and the winter soldier, when a mission goes south. Word count/format: 3.6k words

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Title: Ch 2 - Oh It's Magick (Double Trouble) Creator(s): sassyseme (Ao3), sassysambucky (tumblr) Link: ao3 Square: B2 - Kink: "Harder." Rating: Explicit Ship(s): Sam/Bucky Warnings: Violence, Indoctrination Major tags: Vampires, Magic, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, Avian Telepathy Summary: Sam and Bucky find the taken girl, and she reveals a name. Magic has Sam seeing double. Word count/format: 3.8k words

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Title: In The Bad Timeline, Chapter 2 Creator(s): Turtles Link: ao3 Square: Adopted - Hydra Won Au Rating: Gen Ship(s): pre Darcy/Bucky/Brock Warnings: none Major tags: Hydra Won Au, Not!Dark Summary: Bucky is patrolling along the northern edge of the compound, enjoying the warm sun, the fresh air, and the peace and quiet of the woods. It’s nice to be outside, with birdsong and the hum of insects in his ears instead of the constant buzz of fluorescent lights and the ever present hum of machinery and people. The soft whoosh he hears about halfway through his sweep is not a normal outside noise. Neither is the loud pop or the vehement, “Goddamnit, not again!” that follows it in an unfamiliar woman’s voice. Pausing mid-step, he clicks the button on his comm. “Barnes, Sector 3G,” he says, keeping his voice low. “Investigating a possible intruder.” Word count/format: 1301

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Title: The colors of the stars Creator(s): endlesstwanted Link: ao3 Square: U4 - AU: Rockstar Rating: Gen Ship(s): N/A Warnings: N/A Major tags: AU - Modern: No Powers, AU - Music Summary: Drummer Bucky Barnes has done their first interview for a fashion magazine. Word count/format: It's a moodboard with text that is transcripted (WC 47)

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Title: Tame as the Wild Ones (Part 1) Creator(s): Trinity Day Link: ao3 Square: Adopted - Image 046 (Natasha and Bucky on a motorcycle with dialogue) Rating: Teen Ship(s): Bucky Barnes & Natasha Romanoff Warnings: none Major tags: Not CACW Compliant, Summary: Their second meeting (third? Bucky’s memories surrounding Project Insight are still fuzzy) this side of the twenty-first century might have gone better than it had any right to go, but that doesn’t mean Bucky is ready to be brought in yet. He trusts Steve, but not the government that harboured that same organization that kept him captive all those decades. Steve might not agree, but at least his friends believe they’re better off apart. When the Black Widow tracks him down in some small town in Austria, Bucky wishes he could be more surprised, both that she could find him or why she would even be looking. He always knew that his time wandering Europe by himself was limited. She’s come now to ask a favour–a big one. Of course it’s about Steve. Word count/format: 3013

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Title: Moodboard Creator(s): Turtles Link: tumblr Square: Y3 - Flowers Rating: Gen Ship(s): Bucky Barnes/Jane Foster Warnings: N/A Major tags: Moodboard, Letters, Jane Foster, Bucky Barnes, AU: Publisher Summary: When Bucky finds a collection of old letters between his great great grandmother and her sister, he decides to get a proper publisher to help him organise them into a book. Word count/format: N/A

[gringolet]

I know gawain is your favorite, but im also curious why do you like lancelot? Dont get me wrong i actually like lancelot but i see lot of of people giving so many reasons why the hate him and it makes me sad Lol

ahhhhhhhh thank you for this ask lol sorry it took a few days i was deep in elaine translation work haha. but! lancelot time!!! i think hes such an interesting and like non typical character in his strengths and weaknesses and actions. as well as the fact that hes really easily read as like gay and trans and mentally ill.

like. he is very much not the stereotypical hero in a lot of ways-- vulgate lancelot especially is PAINFULLY shy like, its hard to read in places the difficulty he has talking to people and his hatred of being like, seen and percieved. hes constantly hiding and running away, wearing disguises and changing his name. his modesty isnt false, he genuinly does not value himself very highly, as you can see more painfully in his relationships, especially with galehaut and guinevere. he honestly does not believe himself worthy or deserving or love and good things, and is generally horribly self flagellating in a way edges towards the literal.

i think this is very interesting and sympathetic. he comes off as very human-- yes, he is generally the best knight in th world and is praised for it, and he knows this. there are places in le morte where he warns people about fighting him because he knows he can beat them. but it doesnt come across as arrogance or braggadosio, its merely a staement of fact.

hes very contradictory like that-- hes generally quite gentle and kind, rey has a post compiling these but you need only look to the elaine bit i translated to see how genuinly kind he is. he can seem almost fragile, in many ways an emotional timebomb, often crying and even snapping and having a complete breakdown. but at the same time he is shockingly accepting of violence, against him and committed by him. his treatment of the proud knight in kotc is chilling, his murder of the consirators and the death toll of the rescue of guinevere generally reveal a very morbid comfort with death, blood and violence. he loves tournaments, which revolve around the opportunity to be violent inan acceptable space. its fascinating.

also and i could go into this but i wont, hes very easily read as trans coded and is in a lot of ways, especially in le morte and the vulgate, is not at all the epitome of traditional masculinity that he is in bad modern adaptations. hes mistaken for a woman twice in the morte, grows up on an island meant only for women and girls, the vulgate specifically says he has huge tits, he generally has a very odd relationship with identity, his body and the perception of it, and sex. god i could go on but i shant in this but. hes trans.

also hes just very funny. like hes such a wierd dork its fun to read about him because he doesnt quite think or act in predictable ways. he like sleeps in the woods and gets kidnapped and does apainting in morgan le feys basement. he beats up a guy for wearing a mantle. he takes his shoes off to cross a knife bridge. hes a wierd funny man and im obsessed with him.

[wipbigbang]

2021 Round - Artists Claims (Round 2)

Round 2 of claims for artists are open! The second round will go this week and then I'll post a new round on Thursday, opening it up for thirds. Everybody spread the word! We have 70 story summaries below for you to choose from, and this round, you may choose 2 stories to do art for! Just use a different check in ID with each sign-up.

This year, art claims are working a little differently than in years past. We are using a google form to streamline things, which should make things easier both for you as participants and us mods. To claim a story, the form requires email, check in ID, and the identifying number of your first choice of story. Putting your top three choices is best in case your first or second has already been chosen. Please be sure you've read the FAQ before claiming.

Click here to claim a story!

SEAL Team/The Old Guard #50 Title: Out of the Shadows Pairing/Characters Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, pre-relationship Clay Spenser/Trent Sawyer Rating: Mature Warnings/Tags: M/M sexual relationships (not descriptive), canon typical violence, guns, terrorist organizations, homophobia within the military, swearing, implied/mentions of sex trafficking Summary Joe has been undercover for the last six months posing as a member of Al-Qaeda when he encounters two problems: 1) the US military has gotten involved and 2) his fellow terrorists having been kidnapping young women and children for the purposes of sex-trafficking. As the rest of his team arrives to assist in the take-down, their mission is discovered by the elite Bravo team. While not eager to work with the US military, Nicky, Andy, and Nile are forced to team up with the SEALs in order to rescue Joe, who has been captured by the terrorists themselves as his undercover identity has been revealed.

[traincat]

how many relationships has Johnny had? did they /all/ end badly or does he, like, actually have some good ones in there

I wouldn’t say all of Johnny’s relationships are bad. He has some bad ones, some real bad ones, some good ones, some utterly forgettable ones, and some weird ones. I sometimes think a character’s first relationship kind of sets the tone for their future relationship history, like Peter Parker being in the middle of two love triangles and being the hot item in both of them. In Johnny’s case, his first relationship involved his girlfriend lamenting that he wasn’t more like other boys and saying she wished he wasn’t so flaming all the time. It’s a metaphor. But Johnny Storm’s relationship history, the quick and dirty version. For the sake of simplicity, I won’t be including one off mentions of celebrity dates and only addressing on page relationships.

Dorrie Evans: Johnny’s high school girlfriend who, as noted above, hated his flaming on and often compared him unfavorably to other boys, such as Peter Parker. Their relationship ended when Johnny ghosted her until she broke up with him, although they apparently remained on good enough terms for Dorrie to lend Johnny her car shortly afterward. When Johnny and Crystal broke up, Johnny tried to get back together with Dorrie only to find out she was married with kids. And that’s why we have Facebook now.

Valeria of the 5th Dimension: A beautiful blue girl who developed a crush on Johnny when he briefly ended up in her dimension during his Strange Tales days, Johnny mostly seemed awkward around Valeria. They kissed once later after Johnny broke up with Crystal (you may notice Johnny has a habit of revisiting past relationships, usually unsuccessfully) and then nothing ever happened with them again, and it’s unlikely to come back up seeing as Johnny now has a niece named Valeria (after a third totally unrelated Fantastic Four Valeria).

Crystal Amaquelin: Probably the most popular and well known of Johnny’s relationships, and for a good reason. Johnny and Crystal started their relationship as star-crossed teen lovers from different worlds yearning to be with each other, a superhero Romeo and Juliet without the murder-suicide, and once they are together, they’re honestly pretty cute.

(FF #67) They’re cute! That it’s probably Johnny’s happiest, most stable relationship is probably the reason it gets revisited a lot in AUs and future What Ifs, although I personally think the charm of it is in the teenage puppy love and that returning to it isn’t the best move for either character. The relationship falls apart when Crystal, who can’t tolerate the outside world’s polluted atmosphere, returns to the Inhumans and falls in love with Quicksilver, who she later married. Johnny took the break up hard, and he and Crystal later had an emotional affair when Crystal was on the Fantastic Four after leaving Pietro and when Johnny had only just gotten married, but things never progressed to a physical level mostly because Johnny refused to cheat.

Frankie Raye: Originally created by Roy Thomas, Frankie Raye was a beautiful redheaded girl with a deep-seated fear of fire who seemed tormented by Johnny’s status as a superhero. Thomas originally intended for her to be the daughter of Toro Raymond, the sidekick of the original Human Torch, but Frankie dropped off the pages before that could be revealed. Johnny briefly dated a girl named Lorrie Melton who he met while racing, but Lorrie broke up with him when it became apparent he was more interested in a serious relationship than she was. Frankie Raye resurfaced in Byrne’s run, where Byrne reworked her backstory so that, instead of Toro’s daughter, Frankie was the step-daughter of Phineas Horton, the man who created the original android Human Torch. As a child, Frankie suffered an accident that gave her flame powers. Horton hypnotized her to give her flame powers and to make her dress in a golden leotard to help control her powers. Frankie’s powers reawakened and for a time she joined the Fantastic Four, but her deep yearning to be wild and free -- an interesting contrast with how tightly under control Johnny keeps his powers -- led to her making the decision to become Galactus’ new Herald, a decision that left Johnny near suicidal when she left the planet.

(FF #244)

I don’t think there was anything wrong with Johnny and Frankie’s relationship during the duration of it, although I will note that it does the opposite of heat up, so to speak, once Frankie gets her powers, and that they had certain ideological differences that didn’t speak to a great future together. (Frankie occasionally displayed a violent side that on at least one occasion worried Johnny.) Much later, an alternate universe Frankie Raye who expressed feelings for Johnny violently assaulted him in the middle of battle, kissing him before throwing him to the ground, though.

Julie Angel and Sharon Selleck: Julie Angel was Frankie Raye’s roommate who, after Frankie disappeared with Galactus, Johnny developed a crush on, attending the same acting classes as her, although she didn’t seem to reciprocate his feelings. Her friend, Sharon Selleck, developed a crush on Johnny but when she made a move on him he rebuffed her:

(FF #259) If you read Fantastic Four, Johnny will occasionally say he used to date Julie, but it’s simply not true -- Julie does kiss him once, but he doesn’t reciprocate the embrace, and laments afterwards that he’s over her anyway, so. Mark those down at not relationships.

Zsaji: An alien Johnny shared a flirtation and a few kisses with during the original Secret Wars event. Johnny wasn’t very emotionally invested in the relationship, which is odd for him given he usually goes from 0 to 60 on the “now we’re in love” meter. Colossus was very emotionally invested, though. Very, very emotionally invested.

“Alicia Masters”/Lyja: Retroactively revealed to be the Skrull Lyja, Johnny and Alicia started dating in secret after Ben remained in space after Secret Wars. While Lyja would later admit that she got close to Johnny specifically for her mission, she claimed she only originally meant to be a confidante before falling in love with him, but it’s hard to tell with Lyja what you can and can’t take at face value when the character frequently lies. Johnny and Alicia officially get together in Fantastic Four #275, which marks Johnny’s first “sex scene” in the form of a morning after scene where he appears regretful about the night and might even be trying to break off the relationship before Alicia convinces him to continue it:

For reference, Peter’s first published “after the deed” scene is in Amazing Spider-Man #150, published 10 years before this. Though it caused problems with Ben when he returned from space, Johnny and Alicia got married in Fantastic Four #300, although pretty immediately there were relationship problems, including a lack of chemistry. Johnny had 1.5 emotional affairs, the first with Crystal. Later, when he was bodyjacked by Ravonna Ravenslayer in guise of Nebula, who used his powers to kill people and hit on Gladiator because I don’t know, she thought he was into blond twinks, I guess. Though the bodyjacking by Nebula is depicted to be both physically painful and emotionally traumatizing, with it being specifically compared to an incident where Johnny loses control of his powers, and overall a not so subtle rape metaphor, Johnny laments afterwards that he can’t stop thinking about how beautiful Nebula was and is guilty over the fact that he’s more attracted to her than Alicia. (I think the attempt was to make the original story both consensual and straight when it was neither.) 

Shortly after this, “Alicia” is revealed by Ben and Alicia’s father to be a Skrull impostor and it comes out that Johnny never was with the real Alicia at all, her having been switched out when he was off planet. I have a couple of long posts unpacking The Lyja Story -- it’s a long, long story -- linked in this post but I think it’s important to note that Johnny thought he was consenting to a romantic and sexual relationship with a friend he trusted and not with an alien spy who had a mission to harm his family. Not only that, but after the Skrull reveal, Lyja attempts to murder Johnny, lies to him twice about a baby, once in an incident that could’ve led to the deaths of him and his family, and when Johnny specifically told her he didn’t want to see her anymore she invented a new identity -- Laura Green -- so she could continue to be with him without his knowledge, explicitly stating that she knows if Johnny knew it was her he wouldn’t want to be with her. She also used the Laura identity to insult and belittle him, calling him “trite and simple” and “pedestrian.” So when you want to talk about bad relationships Johnny’s been in, I think it’s hard to beat the one where he was raped, gaslit, abused, and stalked. A lot of writers tend to refer to this genuinely as a romance but I think it’s important to talk about what actually went on in the relationship and how it’s a pretty horrifying violation of Johnny on every level.

Alysande “Caledonia” Stuart: After Lyja disappeared from the pages following Heroes Reborn, Johnny rescued a woman from another Earth named Alysande Stuart and essentially hid her from the family in the basement. (They all knew.) Though Johnny implied he had feelings for Alysande and Alysande swore a deep loyalty to him, nothing physical ever happens between them, and the relationship never evolved beyond the platonic. They did go to Comic Con together once. 

Namorita: Johnny briefly dated Namor’s cousin Namorita after they discovered they were a hit with the paparazzi, in the first of Johnny’s “celebrity” relationships that seem more based on their respective profiles than any honest attraction. Namorita and Johnny never spend much time together, something Fantastic Four itself remarks on. They break up off-screen. The comic itself doesn’t make the link that Johnny might’ve been targeted because of his former connection to her, but after Namorita dies in the Stanford Incident that incites comics’ Civil War, an angry mob beats Johnny into a coma. 

Kourtney: A model Johnny briefly dated. This is another celebrity relationship -- and one where they don’t even seem to like each other very much. Kourtney complains about attending Franklin’s birthday party and breaks up with Johnny when the Fantastic Four lose their fortune, although they later briefly get back together. Nothing much to write home about here.

(Marvel Knights 4 #2)

Psionics: A bad girl bank robber Johnny briefly had a sexual relationship with -- before she helped a future version of Sue abduct him to use him as a power source in a move that might have killed him. Psionics later kisses Johnny, but the art suggests he doesn’t reciprocate before departing for a new planet. When they next see each other, Psionics attempts to kidnap Val and kills Alyssa Moy, a family friend of the Fantastic Four, in front of Johnny, before she’s murdered, also in front of Johnny.

Daken: This one is a doozy in part because the actual relationship is in a bit of a canonical grey area -- it’s only ever implied, although the implications are not at all subtle, that Johnny had a romantic and/or sexual relationship with Daken, Wolverine’s 70 pansexual son.

(Daken #4) Like I said: the implications aren’t subtle. Daken ingratiates himself with the Fantastic Four mostly through Johnny, including engineering his meeting with them by shooting Johnny through the thigh with an arrow. (Johnny doesn’t know Daken shot him, but also, holy penetration metaphor, Batman.) Daken later tricks Johnny into thinking he’s dead, fakes an attack on Franklin so he can stage it to seem like he rescued him, and then mostly likely, going by the above panels, had sex with Johnny right after, though again, that’s just an implication. I say this is a canon grey area because, while Marvel the conglomerate hasn’t acknowledged any canonical attraction to men on Johnny’s part, Marjorie Liu did say in a tweet that the subtext was intentional and readers were meant to sense something was up. After this encounter, Daken steals from Reed’s lab, and the next time Johnny sees him (which is after Johnny’s stint in the Negative Zone) Daken tells him that “real people stay dead.” Then Daken tries to murder Reed. I do hope that if/when Johnny comes out it’s revealed he’s head other relationships with men because this is a hell of a first one if otherwise.

Darla Deerling: Another Johnny celebrity relationship. Johnny dated pop star Darla Deering for a hot minute before getting her to take his place on an emergency replacement Fantastic Four, where Darla met and fell in love with Scott Lang. On his return, Johnny wasn’t too broken up about it, telling Wyatt Wingfoot that he was more attracted to Darla’s rock star lifestyle than to Darla herself. Lot to unpack there.

Rogue: Rogue and Johnny dated, allegedly, during the time skip after the 2015 Secret Wars, but we never see it on the actual page, and it’s acknowledged by most canon that Johnny is a huge mess during this point in time, grieving very badly for the family he thinks is lost. They flirt a little bit after their alleged break up during their time together on the Uncanny Avengers team but I have to admit, it can very easily be read as friendly.

(Avengers #689)

Medusa: Yes, as in, Crystal’s older sister, Medusa. This one’s a mess largely in part to the fact that the writer didn’t do the research and backread the Fantastic Four issues where Medusa was on the team with Johnny, where they were actually quite close although not romantically involved. Medusa and Johnny keep their relationship secret, which of course blows up in their faces when Crystal inevitably finds out and is furious with them. I think it’s easy to read this relationship as Johnny trying to latch onto what family he has left -- Ben is in space and not talking to him at this point in time, Reed and Sue and the kids are presumed dead -- in an effort not to self-destruct in a way that doesn’t quite work. The relationship ends with a whimper and not a bang when Medusa leaves Johnny.

So there you have it! The relationship history of Johnny Storm.

[winterironbang]

Art Previews

Below you will find the art previews for this year, remember authors that its not quite time for claiming yet!

Take a good look and pick 2-3 favourites and remember which Number they are for when claiming does begin.

1. Prompt: Tony was taken by Hydra not long after the New York invasion and experimented heavily on Tony. The Winter Soldier escapes his captivity and kinds Tony locked up in his dragon form in a huge cell and decides he should break this poor creature out as well.The Winter Soldier could be his own personality next to Bucky, and if so he doesn't like Steve if that would come up. Restrictions: No Rape/Non-con, No OT3 (Stuckony), preferably a rather happy ending, or bittersweet. No sad endings. CLAIMED

2 Prompt: Tony has always had a thing for swimsuit models.Limitations: go wild.Additional notes: happy to be as involved or uninvolved as the writer wants! CLAIMED

3. Warnings: None that I can think of? Prompts: Definitely don’t have to stick to this, but this was just what was in my mind drawing this — They’re a Shoulder Angel and Shoulder Demon each trying to do a good job for their assigned Human - Natasha Romanov. I’d love it if maybe they’ve been working together over time to help Natasha (maybe to get out from under Red Room) without actually really seeing each other for a while until eventually they do. Not-Quite-Identity!Porn of some sort, with a bit of oh no he’s hot when they meet. Just imagine the hijinks with a little Nat and these boys as her conscience! Ha! Limitations: I know Tony is depicted as a Demon here, but this is Tony, please don’t make him out to be the actual Devil? He’s just doing his job but - oh no! - he gets attached to his Human and adversary and only wants the best for them, screw Hell’s policies CLAIMED

4. warnings: none i thinkprompt: Post-apocalyptic AU! Scrappy mechanic Tony meets badass loner and fighter Bucky (with a clunky metal arm)? Maybe some getting to know (and later: trust) each other and surviving (together?) in a hostile world? Trying to make a living? limitatons and any additional notes:  No dubcon/noncon between Tony/Bucky, no sad ending, no super descriptive toture/body horror, Tony and Bucky should survive. Angst/Pain/Suspense otherwise are fine :)The second art is optional. CLAIMED

5. Desired collaboration level(s): I would love to be included with the writing/brainstorming process, even just so much as being a cheerleader for it!-Additional details/requests/Prompt: Pre-WI/getting together fic. Wing Au. Maybe something like "Winged beings are discriminated against/unliked/people are nervous of them. Picture scene is: Tony was sitting out in the rain/stuck in the rain, Bucky comes and sheilds him from it with his wing. -Do Wants: Hurt/Comfort, angst is fine too, must be happy ending please, I prefer canon-divergent, but total au is fine too. -Do NOT Wants: Beastiality, Mpreg, A/B/O dynamics, BDSM, D/S verse, Hardcore kinks, Genderbends, Non-con, MCD, underage/age-changes/de-aging, Sad endings!(I would prefer no other/background ships, but can be discussed!) CLAIMED

6. Warnings: blood Limitation: non-negotiable absolutely no Steve Rogers bashing Wants: OUAT crossover (non negotiable). Jefferson IS Bucky OR Bucky is Jeffersons twin. Steve as a main character as well. Prompt; Bucky goes missing after a mission, with seemingly no reason. A year later They find Bucky, only he's calling himself Jefferson and crying about a broken hat, and a horrific scar around his neck.

7. warnings: possible gun violence, languageprompt: loosely based on Killing eve "you hired me to kill you!?" "I wanted to see you..." basically, Tony and Bucky (established relationship? Mutual pining? ) haven't spoken in awhile for reasons (are they fighting? Busy? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) so Tony Hires Bucky to kill him. limitatons and any additional notes: none that I can think of but if you think there's something that could be squicky/a no go, just lemme know. I'm very open to collaboration with my author. CLAIMED

8.  No warnings or limitations.  CLAIMED

9. Warnings: None Prompt: Tony Stark meets Bucky Barnes in 1993 and they both fall for each other. One night, Bucky starts to cry. Tony asks what's wrong and Bucky tells him what happened to his parents. Notes: It really doesn't matter how you end this fic as long it includes some good old fashioned angst! CLAIMED

10. Warnings: noneNotes: Was thinking of a Brookly-99 spin on it, something cute and funny for some feel good happy, but very open to anything really :) CLAIMED

11. warnings: None Prompt: (Description: View is outside of a building. In one window Tony plays the violin. In the other Bucky types away.) CLAIMED

12. Warnings:NonePrompt: (description: Bucky is sitting atop a motorcycle. Tony is approaching him, offering his hand for a handshake. Scene is dusk on an empty road.) CLAIMED

13. prompt: tony is one of the last of his kind (inherited from his mother’s side). he hides his wings from the world, and only pepper, happy, and rhodey know what he is. everything else is canon as per the mcu. it’s up to the author to decide how far in the universe they want to take it, and if they wish to incorporate his wings elsewhere in the series, but tony is iron man and it must be post winter soldier. pre-relationship to getting together. limitations: please no graphic depictions of rape, suicide, or self-harm (specifically cutting. other forms of self-harm are okay, but please no self-inflicted cutting). no character bashing, ESPECIALLY of steve. no major character death. things i would like to see: BAMF!tony, ptsd (from either bucky or tony, or both!), a COOL secret reveal, angst, hurt/comfort, and fluff. some smut is okay! i would love if tony keeps the arc reactor. arm maintenance!! please!! tony being terrified of bucky finding out about his wings, and bucky being scared of hurting tony. relevant notes: tony’s wings are 18 ft (5.4 m) in diameter, and are red and gold. bucky still has hydra arm. that’s about it! i’m flexible on most things :) CLAIMED

14. Description/Prompt: John Wick AU in MCU Open for brainstorming or alternate interpretations Warnings: canon typical violence for story (john wick levels or mcu levels up to author?) Limitations:  DNWs include a/b/o, mpreg, noncon, dubcon between major protagonists, death of major protagonists, unhappy/ bad endings CLAIMED

15. Description/Prompt: any frontier myth/ old wild west tropes welcome Open for brainstorming or alternate interpretations Warnings: canon typical violence for story? Limitations:  DNWs include a/b/o, mpreg, noncon, dubcon between major protagonists, death of major protagonists, unhappy/ bad endings CLAIMED

16. Prompt: Romancing The Stone AU. Tony is a tech reliant city boy who is out of his depth in the South American jungle while trying to save a friend. Bucky is the broke traveller who he convinces to be his guide. Adventures and hijinks and a happy ending ensue. Notes/Limitations: Doesn't have to follow the movie if you're not familiar with it. I don't want Tony to be a damsel in distress that needs to be rescued, just a fish out of water who adapts to his new environment. Any rating is fine, smut is welcome, no character bashing.  CLAIMED

17. warnings: general audiences prompt: Bucky is part of the Avengers but he and Tony keep their distance. On a mission Tony saves Bucky from another fall. Later he asks Tony why he didn't let him slip when he knows he killed his parents. He doesn't believe Tony forgave him and confesses that he sometimes hates Steve for not catching him limitations: no Steve/Bucky/Tony, preferably no Stony, no ABO, no mpreg, preferably no BDSM or dom/sub CLAIMED

18.  warnings: malnutrition, (minor) injuries, shackleslimitations: anything involving children and/or pregnancy CLAIMED

19. Warnings:none Prompt: Mage Tony and assassin/rogue Bucky. Limitatons: No major character death, no infidelity, no unhappy ending, Bucky did not kill Tony's parents, would be absolutely fine with graphic sex Additional notes: Art will have at least one more companion piece featuring Bucky/Winter in Assassin type garb and probably wielding daggers. CLAIMED

20. warnings: none? prompt: Dreadful pirate Bucky with a heart of gold! limitaions and any other notes relevant to the authors for claiming: I'd prefer it if Bucky wasn't actually a bad guy. Go easy on the gore, and please don't do any noncon or dubcon between the OTP. Angst or pain are good as long as there is at least a hopeful ending! CLAIMED

21. Prompt: After the death of King Howard Stark, his son Anthony had to step up to the throne as the rightful heir. James Buchanan Barnes, a knight and new member of the Royal Guard, is sworn to protect his king no matter what. Even if that means protecting Anthony from his own damn feelings. Warnings: N/A Limitations: major character death, terminal illness, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism, incest, ableism Notes: Their designs are fantasy-influenced more than historical, and even though I was using MCU as reference, I aged Tony down since canonically Howard died when he was younger anyway! Also the scribble of a background is supposed to be inside the castle, during a party/ball or something? CLAIMED

22. Artist Withdrew.

23. Warnings: None Prompt: The Addams Family AU Limitations/notes: None CLAIMED

24. warnings: none? prompt: Warlord Bucky gets a new conquest: Tony. (How? tribute? prisoner? Marriage contract?) Tony may expect the worst, but slowly discover Bucky isn't so bad... limitaions and any other notes relevant to the authors for claiming: please no evil Bucky. I like getting to know each other and slowly falling in love. No dubcon/noncon between tony/bucky. CLAIMED

25. Warnings: implied violence, kidnappingPrompt: I went with four comic panels sort of depicting a kidnapping scenario. Bucky (probably) wouldn’t be the kidnapper — i'm gonna try and make him look more surprised in the final draft. Limitations: Go wild. G ratings through Explicit is fine with me. Preferably no M-Preg though.  CLAIMED

26. Warnings: None CLAIMED

27. Warnings: None CLAIMED

28. Description/Prompt: fluff or comfort? Warnings: - Limitations:  DNWs include a/b/o, mpreg, noncon, dubcon between major protagonists, death of major protagonists, unhappy/ bad endings CLAIMED

29. Desired collaboration level(s): I would love to be included with the writing/brainstorming process, even just so much as being a cheerleader for it! Additional details/requests/ Prompt: Human!Tony/Werewolf!Bucky. Werewolf au. Do Wants: Hurt/Comfort, angst is fine too, must be happy ending please, I prefer canon-divergent, but total au is fine too. Do NOT Wants: Beastiality, Mpreg, A/B/O dynamics, BDSM, D/S verse, Hardcore kinks, Genderbends, Non-con, MCD, underage/age-changes/de-aging, Sad endings!(I would prefer no other/background ships, but can be discussed!) CLAIMED

[brittysaucefanfic]

A Fate Unclaimed

Part 22

(First)(Previous)(Next)(Last)(AU 1)(AU 2)(AO3) 

Yoooo I just realized I didn't post the new update on this story on tumblr and I am very ashamed. On the bright side I actually updated something! When I go through to fix this tomorrow I'll add an under the cut and the links but I'm lazy and tired. Lmao I won't keep you guys any longer. Let's go!

******

Lance stirs as the sun begins to set, and Keith is the first to notice. They had set up camp, which pretty much meant they just walked until they found a small plateau and hunkered down in an overhang. Shiro and Keith are the only ones awake, whereas Pidge and Hunk had passed out as soon it was clear they were all safe for the time being. They huddle close to Lance, one of his hands in each of theirs.

Shiro stands on watch at the edge of the overhang, a good few feet away, a sword pierced into the ground, hands settled over the hilt. He looks like a sentry, and Keith actually wishes for once he had some sort of artistic talent so that he could draw Shiro. Sadly, all of his skills lay with battle. Lance’s head shifts to the side to look at Keith, eyes still closed, tear tracks stained on his dirt covered face.

His eyes open to reveal a brilliant blue.

Keith and Lance have a tenuous friendship at best, but with the nonstop action the past two days, they haven’t had a chance to figure out which side of the scale they tilt towards. Friends or enemies. Even then though, a crushing relief surges into Keith’s chest. He’s lost a lot already, he won’t lose Lance, friend or enemy, doesn’t matter.

“Welcome to the land of the living sleeping beauty,” is the first thing out of Keith’s mouth. It doesn’t come out smooth whatsoever, and he feels his ears burn at the blurted pet name. He has never said anything like that. Not once in his life. There’s a silence for a moment, then Lance smiles, something slow that makes Keith’s pulse race just a little.

“Perhaps I’m still asleep if you’re using pet names now Samurai.” Lance mutters, he goes to sit up, but stops mid way when he realizes his hands are trapped. A soft look crosses his face as he eases free his hands, careful not to wake the demigods clutching onto him in their sleep.

“Lance, you’re awake.” Shiro says, easing over to the two of them, his shoulders losing some of the tension they had been holding as he stood guard. Shiro moves to sit beside the bundle of demigods so that he may look out for dangers.

“So it seems,” Lance muses quietly, smile slipping into a disturbed frown. The change is confusing to Keith, why does Lance seem so troubled? “How long was I out?” There is nothing in the way he asks it that seems out of place, but Keith still frowns when he senses something off.

“Only a day, thanks to Apollo.” Shiro says, and Keith is reminded that the wait wasn’t as long as it had seemed. To Keith it seemed like days. He’s never been the best when it came to patience, one of the many things Shiro bemoans about him.

“Apollo to the rescue? Did he,” Lance pauses. “Say anything?” It’s Shiro’s turn to look troubled. Keith realizes with a jolt that it’s so easy to read Lance’s facial expressions because they look almost identical to Shiro’s. Not his face, just the faces he makes. Perhaps if he imagined everyone to make the same expressions as Shiro, it would help Keith in his ‘social awkwardness’ as Shiro calls it.

“Yeah, Pidge asked why you weren’t claimed,” Shiro starts. “He said something about you not being for the Gods to claim yet."

The look on Lance's face tightens considerably, darkening. The conversation seems to have woken up the two sleeping beauties. Hunk stirs first, sitting up and rubbing his eyes with a yawn. Before he even opens his eyes, the first thing he does is straighten his slightly crooked orange headband, tightening it, then he reaches over to Pidge and goes to wake her up.

What's interesting to Keith is the fact that he doesn't shake her shoulder like one would expect. Instead he reaches underneath her chin and lightly runs his nail back and forth on her chin like she's a cat. Pidge scrunches her nose, then like lightning, she snaps her teeth at Hunk's hand. He pulls away like he was expecting it. This all happens with neither of them opening their eyes, and Pidge sits up grumbling.

"That's still unnerving you know." Lance says casually.

"Hey if it works it works." Hunk mumbles, still rubbing his eyes with continuous yawns.

"Lance can you hand me my glasses?" Pidge says as she stretches her arms above her head. Lance silently hands her the pair of glasses that are too big for her small face. Pidge is midway between slipping on her glasses when both Pidge and Hunk freeze and tense. Their eyes snap open almost simultaneously, and just as simultaneously they both screech Lance's name. Again, nearly simultaneously, they lunge at Lance and take him to the ground in a pile of limbs. Lance's breath rushes from him in an audible huff.

"Lance!" They yell, then Pidge's voice takes over Hunk's briefly.

"We thought you were a goner!"

Hunk then takes over the screeching. "Don't scare us like that!"

Lance laughs breathily, patting both of their backs with a groan and a wince. As they lean back away from him Lance rubs his once injured shoulder. There are still a few prominent black veins around where the wound originated, the last vestiges of the poison in his veins. The hole itself has closed, though ungracefully, looking more like a knot in a tree than skin.

It doesn't bulge prominently, but it's obvious that the skin healed far faster than it should have, leaving being a small raised knot. The skin twists around almost in a full circle, and with the black veins still prominent it isn't the nicest sight to look at. Keith looks away from the wound to Lance's face, locking eyes with a piercing pair of blue eyes. Lance offers him a small, tight smile and they break eye contact like it never happened.

"Yeah, I don't exactly plan on doing anything like nearly dying again." Lance says, then his lips form a grin that Keith might imagine to be a leer. "At least not until I've had sex first."

"Ugh!" Pidge cries out in disgust, shoving Lance back onto the ground as he cracks up laughing like a maniac. "You're deplorable!"

"Ooh that's a big word Pidgey. Good job! Such a smart girl you are!" Lance mocks, baby voice and all. She picks up a small rock and aims it at his head. Lance dodges with hardly a blink of surprise. Her face slowly drops the playful glare, and turns somber.

"We were really scared Lance. I-" she cuts herself off with a shaky inhale. "I've already lost my brother, but there's still a chance to find Matt. You- you nearly died. There is no return from death." She stops, not saying anything more, but the tears welling up in her eyes say everything. Lance gathers her in his arms and strokes her head, Pidge clinging onto him. Hunk, not one to be left out of an emotional hug, gathers them both into his arms, thick fat tears rolling down his cheeks. He cries silently though, nothing to hear but sniffles.

There's a moment of silence as Keith watches the three of them.

Something wells up in his chest, making him look away with a lump in his throat. Shiro's hand settles on Keith's shoulder, and Keith doesn't have to look up to know that Shiro is smiling at him in that big brother kind of way that he does.

"Okay that's enough!" Pidge snaps, squirming out of the group hug and settling herself on the ground with huff. She straightens her glasses and wipes at her eyes. "So, now that Lance is better do we need to start moving on to whatever it is we were sent on this quest to do?"

Suddenly it's business?

"Actually," Hunk chimes, wiping at his own eyes but still sitting with an arm around Lance. Pidge scoots quietly closer, so that Lance's knees and hers touch but nothing more. Lance and Pidge both hide their hands behind the touching knees for some reason. Are they a couple maybe? For some reason that image makes Keith want to separate them two with his own body. He doesn't, though, because that would be weird.

"What are we supposed to be doing?" Hunk asks. "Like we have a map, but no clue on what the quest is actually about? Are we stopping a bunch of monsters? Killing some ancient evil entity? Fighting rogue demigods?"

"Rogue demigods?" Lance repeats, one eyebrow arched high into his hairline. Hunk shrugs defensively.

"Maybe something Macaria talked to you about will give us a clue?" Shiro hints at Lance, his usually top notch subtlety somehow not being put to good use. Lance looks away, at the ground, the hand not hidden behind his knee picking at the torn up jeans he wears. He shivers as a breeze picks up suddenly, and Keith realizes Lance is still completely shirtless.

Keith pointedly does not look away from Lance's face as he slips off his dark red leather jacket and hands it to Lance. He takes it gratefully and slips it on. Keith ignores the chill that racks his spine when another cool breeze passes. Lance is the one who almost died, Keith can suffer a little chill. Not that he hasn't done so before anyways.

"We talked about a few things, but not much about the quest. Though," Lance trails off. "I have a decent idea of what's going on."

"You do?" Shiro asks, surprised. It seems he never expected Lance to answer.

"I had a dream while I was," Lance swallows thickly, Adam's apple bobbing at his throat. For some reason Keith is enthralled with the movement. "Dying. A nightmare more like actually." They're silent as they wait for Lance to elaborate. "I was in Camp, and it was empty. Then a strange man spoke to me like he knew who I was. He said-" Lance pauses, hesitates.

"Well it doesn't matter what he said, but I think he plans to overthrow the gods. He showed me the camp in ruins, flames, and the camp looking like some Disney villain army encampment. The same thing with the Roman camp. As well as two others I don't recognize, but I'm fairly positive they were demigod camps. Of some kind." Lance explains. His face turns twisted like he's in pain.

"Do you have any idea who it is?" Hunk asks. Lance shrugs unevenly, one shoulder higher than the other.

"I don't know, I've never seen the man before but Coran gave me a- the journal!" Lance bursts out in panic surging to his feet, wobbling, then rummaging through all of the packs and supplies. The sudden burst of movement makes Keith flinch unintentionally.

"Journal?" Hunk asks. "What journal?"

Lance finishes off one pack, the contents strewn across the ground haphazardly, and moves onto the next in much the same manner. Lance mutters frantically underneath his breath. He forgoes taking everything out one at a time and just dumps the pack upside down. This one is clearly Hunk's pack as a bunch of random gadgets and mechanical pieces crash to the ground.

"Hey!" Hunk whines, though he doesn't sound that upset about the mess. More like he's concerned. Or worried. Or scared. Or a lot of things actually. Keith needs to learn how to read people better.

"Coran gave me a journal that seemed really important and necessary and I need to find it!" Lance says. Pidge is the one to cry out indignantly when it's her pack being turned over.

"Geez lance be careful! And have you thought to look in your pack first?" Pidge huffs. Lance pauses in his rummaging and looks for his pack, as if he had suddenly remembered he had one of his own. He dives for it like a volleyball player diving to save the ball from touching the ground. Soon Lance's stuff joins the mess.

His stuff isn't quite so unique compared to the gadgets in Hunk's pack and the computer and stuff in Pidge's. In actuality his pack almost resembles Shiro's, the first pack to be rummaged through. Shiro seems to have no concern over Lance going wildly through their stuff as he watches out into the darkness of night.

The flames of the small fire cast flickering shadows on the wall of the overhang, coating the entire group in an eerie glow. Once again Keith wishes he could draw, to capture the moment on paper. The way the fire dancing across Shiro's face makes his scar almost dance with it, his metal arm shimmering with the light. The way Pidge is cast in Hunk's shadows, and how Hunk looks looming and dangerous with the flames touching his dark brown eyes.

And Lance.

The way Lance moves so frantically through his pack, the flickering light making Lance's movements seem like he's moving through water. Like he is water. A form barely held together as a whole. It's makes his tan skin glow gold like Apollo's. His blue eyes nearly glow, white teeth gnawing at his lower lip. Dark hair twisting around his head in flashes of flame and flashes of darkness. Keith's red jacket like their own flames engulfing Lance's body.

Keith swallows thickly and looks away.

Somehow his eyes land on the very thing Lance is looking for. It's hidden beneath his jacket, now torn at the shoulder where Lance was injured, a dark red stain surrounding the hole. It makes sense that no one thought to look there. The jacket is pushed up against the wall in a heap, dark enough that it blends with the dark dirt and far enough away that the flames don't cast light upon it. The journal that peeks out from beneath is dark too, but the pale cream of the pages on the side is a bright spot against so much dark.

Keith eases up slowly, not wanting to cause any unwanted attention. Everyone's eyes are on Lance as he gives a short shout of frustration. Keith grabs the book before Lance can start making a mess of his pack too and stops Lance from going after it with a hand on his shoulder. He holds the journal out delicately, looking Lance in the eyes. His pretty blues are misty with tears that haven't fallen.

"Is this it?" Keith asks near silently. The misty look disappears from his eyes and he goes to grab the book from Keith. The movement at first is violent, reaching to grab the book and yank it from Keith's hands. Then as Lance settles his long fingers around the spine, their fingertips touching just barely, his movement slows to a crawl. He slowly takes the book from Keith's grasp. The brief contact wasn't a lot but it still sent hot tingles up his wrist.

"Thank you." Lance says. And then the charged moment snaps as their eyes look away from each other. Lance settles on the ground with a heavy thump and an even heavier sigh.

Keith returns to his place on the other side of the fire. The seating is no longer one sided though, the four of them no longer on one side and he on the other. Shiro, Pidge and Hunk still sit across from Keith, facing out into the openness beyond. But now Keith and Lance sit on the other side, next to each other, knees almost touching.

Keith is not a thinking type of person.

He doesn't think about his actions most of the time, he just goes for it and damned be the consequences. It's gotten him kicked out of many schools, thrown out of many foster homes, and unintentionally made him a bully or a victim. Sometimes (most times) he was the stronger one, making Keith the bully even though the other kids started it. Other times he was the smaller one and the other kids had the advantage so Keith became the victim.

So he's no philosopher, and he's no ponderer.

But it seems even Keith can make an exception. He knows he's not the brightest when it comes to other people. It's hard to understand the emotions and feelings on their faces, and the intentions behind their actions. He's not even used to being so thoughtful about what he isn't.

He's never before lamented he was a fighter and not an artist. He's never lamented that he sometimes can't understand other people unless they explain it to him in clear words. He's never lamented the fact that he's technically only ever had one friend, and that's Shiro. But now? Now he wants it all with a burning passion.

He wants to understand jokes so he can laugh with other people. He wants to understand facial expressions and body language so he can be the one to comfort someone else for once. He wants to have friends other than Shiro who won't just disappear when he gets too much of a burden.

There's always been a metaphorical line that separates him from other people. One that he tries desperately to cross but he can't see it. Only those on the other side know where the line is and refuse to let him cross into their world. Up until now Shiro was the only one who ever crossed the line to Keith. Now, just as Lance sits beside him on one side of the fire, so might he stand beside him on Keith's side of the line.

Or perhaps Lance has one foot on either side, ready to cross either which way but not decided on which side he would choose yet. Keith vainly hopes Lance leans to Keith's side, but he won't know until Lance crosses completely.

"So," Shiro finally speaks up, drawing the word out with a faint southern drawl. Shiro isn't southern, but Keith is. It makes Keith wonder if maybe Shiro picked up on Keith's barely there southern accent. If that's even possible. "What's so important about the journal?" Shiro asks.

"I don't know yet. I haven't read anything from it but something about the man in the dream made me think of Coran and subsequently the journal." Lance explains. He cuts himself off with a yawn before continuing. "Whoever he was though he was good at controlling my dream. He had me paralyzed, barely able to speak, let alone move. And he said something along the lines of him seeing my impending death on my soul."

"Huh." Pidge says, a hand on her chin in thought. "A son of Hypnos maybe? Since he could control dreams?"

"No," Lance says as he shakes his head. "He's too powerful. If he's a demigod, which is still unclear, I'd say he rivals the power of Shiro and Allura. I could see it."

That makes Keith curious, the way he said that. As if the power coming off of the strange man in the dream was something he could actually see. Something corporeal, something he could touch. His mouth is speaking before Keith has a chance to realize he's doing it.

"What do you mean by you can 'see it'?" Keith asks. Lance snaps his head to the side to stare at Keith with wide eyes, then stares at the journal in his lap, picking at the leather cord binding the pages closed.

"Uh, well." Lance stammers. "Okay so, you can't laugh at me. I swear I'm telling you the truth."

"Lance." Shiro says in a calming voice, finally looking away from the nighttime darkness. "You can tell us anything. We're your friends."

Lance stares at Shiro for a long moment, making the silence between the five of them grow tense. The only sounds in the air are the crickets and the distant howling of bobcats or coyotes or whatever big predator animals the desert have. Lance finally slumps his shoulders with a sigh.

"So ever since I was young I get these," Lance pauses to try and figure out the words. "Flashes of color around certain people, and it didn't really happen until I learned of my godly blood. Then it happened more often but I kind of learned to ignore it like it wasn't there. To the point where sometimes I don't even realize it happened again until after the fact." Lance explains. He starts drawing little runic designs in the sand that look vaguely familiar.

"I get them for everyone, or at least the demigods and Gods. Usually the color is muted gold, maybe with another color kind of mixed in. Sort of like auras? But not quite. Some demigods shine brightly, blindingly like Macaria and," Lance pauses and swallows thickly. "Shiro and Allura too. They all nearly blinded me the first time I saw them. The gods, or at least those I've met, which isn't many, all shone the brightest. First time I met Apollo I nearly passed out from being overwhelmed by the glow."

"Glow, as in what Macaria said?" Pidge asks tentatively. Lance nods.

"She knew what it was, and she explained only that it made me unique, that I was gifted due to my heritage. It's supposedly one of many things that are in my power that makes me stand above other demigods or whatever." Lance says, and Keith can practically feel the waves of bitterness rolling off of him. "And I'm sorry, by the way."

Lance looks up and eyes them all with a sorrowful look.

"Macaria she, she used the glow against me. Used it like Shiro and Allura didn't know they could." Lance says. Shiro nearly jerks back in shock.

"What do you mean?" Shiro asks.

"I mean, there's a reason I'm always hanging off of you two." Lance says wryly, a dry smirk quirking at his lips. "The glow, when it's bright enough, enthralls me. Makes me crave the close proximity to it. At least that's what Macaria said it was. She told me to learn to resist the thrall or I won't be a help on this quest, I'll only hinder it."

"But what does the glow mean? What's it there for?" Hunk asks. Lance goes to answer, then pauses, eyes wide and bewildered.

"You guys are making it sound like you believe me." Lance says. Keith tilts his head curiously to the side, eyeing Lance's profile.

"Why wouldn't we?" Keith asks. Lance looks at him and Keith stares into glowing blue eyes. "You said you were telling the truth, why wouldn't we believe you?"

"Exactly." Hunk says, nodding. Pidge hums her agreement.

"I've never known you to lie about something so important Lance. I doubt you would start now." Shiro says. Lance blinks and then smiles a tiny little smile.

"Thanks guys. But to answer Hunk's question I don't know. I don't think Macaria knows for sure either. She said she was the only person she's known for centuries who sees it until I was born." Lance says, a shrug of his shoulders. Then he wrinkles his nose. "And apparently she felt it when I was born too, which weirded me out so I changed the subject."

"Well first," Pidge starts. "Creepy. Second. Did she say anything else about what she does know?" Lance shrugs to her question.

"Just that the fates put her through hell in back a few times, even literally. That I should be careful of my own self and of others if I want to survive." Lance says. He throws it out there casually, but even Keith, antisocial Keith, can see the hard line of Lance's lips, and the tense set of his shoulders, the strain of his voice to stay casual.

"Anyways." Lance explodes out suddenly, jumping up and quickly repacking everything he made a mess of in no time flat. He soon turns on heel and places his hands on his hips. "I'm tired. Who has first watch? And no, Shiro, it won't be you. When I woke up you were standing watch." Lance says, beating Shiro to the punch.

Shiro actually pouts and concedes to Lance's demand.

What a pushover.

Keith goes to offer himself up as watchman when Lance glares him down. Apparently Keith is lumped in with Shiro on the whole being forbidden from taking watch thing. Seems it's up to Pidge and Hunk.

"I'll do it." Pidge says, standing with a languid stretch of her body. Keith winces as he hears her neck, knees, and fingers pop. Then she twists her body and her back pops too. Keith suppresses a shudder at the sound. He hates that sound. Why would anybody do something like that to their own bodies? "I've got enough sleep anyways. Y'all get some rest, I've got your backs."

Pidge then swipes up her weird boomerang blade thing and strides out to the edge of the overhang with a blanket, settling up against a rock and crossing her legs. She's a far more relaxed sentry then Shiro was, but Keith has no doubt she's twice as deadly.

Lance is the first to stride over to where he had been unconscious earlier as he healed, laying down and sliding the heap of a jacket underneath his head as a pillow. Hunk isn't far behind, and for that matter neither is Shiro, though he simply lays on his back where he had been sitting, arms beneath his head. Keith looks back towards Lance and freezes when glaring blue eyes lock onto him.

With a huff he slides onto his side to fall asleep, or at least pretend to.

Every time Keith peeks his eyes open Lance is still looking at him with a deadly glare. Eventually the allure of rest conquers and he's soon falling asleep to Hunk's snoring and Shiro's sleepy whistle noises he makes in his sleep.

"Goodnight Keith." Lance whispers and Keith doesn't have time to return it before he's falling under the veil of unconsciousness.

******

(First)(Previous)(Next)(Last)(AU 1)(AU 2)(AO3)

[oxboykev]

Torrential

I thought when love for you died, I should die. It's dead. Alone, most strangely, I live on. ~ Rupert Brooke

It’s been a long-running inner debate since the time I was born. Abandonment will do that to a child. It’s been my sickening suspicion that my life has been a waste. This suspicion was probably implanted in me as soon as my birth parents scattered from my presence. The fact that I was left in the care of strangers who couldn’t quite get past the impression that I was a stranger in their midst was never lost on me. With my identity as an adoptee not yet fully realized or solidified so early in life, there were days when I felt unmoored. Not knowing what it truly felt to be loved by my own blood, I would wish only to be expelled from the love and care that had been handed down to me by those who tried to convince me they only had my best interests at heart.

The residual resentment of not knowing whether my father and mother loved me and wanted me with them has colored the way in which I distrust myself with the feeling and act of loving someone. I remain convinced that there is something wrong with the way I love and how I have sought love from others. Even allowing love for myself was never an expectation. Love is a thing that people always said they had for me but could neither show nor explain to me because how can you describe something that seems to be only pulled out of thin air at one’s own convenience. As a youngster I grew up with the nagging feeling that I was thrown in with a lot of people to live in a random place that I didn’t share a history with, but was coaxed each and every day to respect and appreciate by saying “I love you” whenever it was my turn to speak. Affection and companionship were thrown at my feet with the admonition to take them or leave them. I mirrored customs, expectations, and incentives to love, but what was missing was a genuine and clear-headed comprehension of what it means to love and what happens to your mind when you decide to show love and receive love. Absent any key discussions and explanations, my young mind could only play along and follow the unwritten rules when it came to familial bonding, early crushes, and soul-mating.

Because of my pretend existence and ignorance of my innate truths, I conducted myself like a laboratory technician whenever the atmosphere softened around me and I started to tingle all over when my eyes settled on a girl at school or in casual passing. In my head, I had all the flasks, tubes and chemicals available to concoct a love potion that I could sprinkle over the brow of the one who had caught my eye at the time. The sad, self-defeating thing was, though, my feelings, thoughts, words, and so much of my personality resided solely in my head. This self-imposed silence, masquerading as humility and reservedness, had the effect of extracting sympathy from a potential lover. I then used this sympathy to position myself as the man who could rescue them from pain that others had inflicted, from histories of spouse/partner abuse and from their own self-destructive habits. My ego always got a kick out of playing savior, exalted as it always was by any reciprocal affection. Selfish were these gambits, nay, habits of involving myself in a person’s life so as to ostensibly use them to help me remind myself that I am a good person, even though I feel myself drifting out of humanity’s fold as each year passes.

I’ve come to believe that the universe is so expansive that it’s no wonder I’ve felt so tiny inside of it all these years. I feel I’ve complicated the essentials of my life to the point that I cannot explain any facet of it to anyone else until I can explain it satisfactorily to myself. At times, I have been so ashamed of my reticence to openly communicate with people that I just throw up sheets of tarp over the windows into my soul to block out anyone’s prying curiosity. Consequently, I have developed a distaste for casual social interactions because I grow anxious at the thought of having to save others from the embarrassment of revealing unexplored chasms of my psyche that not even I have gotten around to navigating yet. So around 2004 I started blogging on Yahoo! GeoCities to start documenting my mind’s wanderings. Gradually, I switched to other blogging platforms once I heard about their improved ease-of-use features. Writing about my life didn’t come naturally to me. Diaries were never my thing and I only dabbled in journaling when I was contending with a prolonged bout of loneliness during my year of study abroad. In spite of the novelty of it, I found that blogging was the ideal medium for me to go at my own pace and provide as much detail as I pleased when it came to explaining what was preoccupying my mind at any given time. By around 2005 or 2006 I began blogging under the title “Borrowed Notes” on WordPress.  

Shortly thereafter is when I came across another blogger, let’s call her “Ede”, who would stir in me a feeling of ureka. My experience reading her blog was ethereal, even magical, because I felt I had finally discovered someone else on this vast earth who processed ideas and life’s conundrums just as I did. Intellectually and emotionally I imbibed Ede’s words as if I were sitting right there beside her and watching her type on her keyboard, deep in thought. It was a true feeling of kinship that went beyond even family or shared humanity. I began to (mistakenly, as it were) create a romantic aura around her words and the images she posted of herself. She and I were both adopted from South Vietnam when the end of the War was still far from certain. It was this shared tumultuous past that initially garnered my attention and from which sprung a fondness for someone I didn’t even know existed up to that point.

It was phenomenal how Ede explored the psychology of the transracial adoptee mind and adapted her analyses to her own lived experiences as a young woman of color raised in a rural Southern town and all the travails and absurd ironies that this social construct entailed. Each time she published a new post, I constructed a kind of fairy tale in my head that told me Ede was dropping bread crumbs just for me to find in a thick, dark forest both of us wish we didn’t have to inhabit. I seemed to hear her telling me to handle them with care until we could be together as One and live on in an enlightened destiny.

If I recall correctly, after I asked her a question in the comment section of one of her blog posts, Ede emailed me and told me she’d be open to talking about it on the phone. It was one of many doors she created for me and through which I eagerly entered. I became more and more enamored with her voice and the worldview she so deftly elaborated on. What heightened my regard for Ede was her constant encouragement for me to keep on shining through my words and maintain a critical lens through which to view our stations in life. She told me that she thought of us as equals and we both deserve an audience that appreciates our willingness to subvert the nationalist narratives we were forced to cherish for so long. We seemed to be replenishing each other’s self-respect reserves and recognizing all the communal encouragement and psychological survival skills we had been lacking in both our lives that would have placed us on surer social footing. It was as if this meeting of hearts and minds was inevitable and singularly etched in the cosmos, and we were only continuing a conversation with each other that had spanned eons and lifetimes.

Ede became the trigger I pulled when I thought the time was right to kill off my 5-year-old marriage to a woman whom I knew from the start I shouldn’t have agreed to marry. The beginning of the end of my marriage was when Ede and I turned our hours-long phone conversations and pages-long instant messages into a transgressive, paranormal love connection. Soon enough, we sensed a growing sexual tension, starting with well-placed flirtatious innuendo and then deepening into riveting, torrid sex talk late into the night and then, more and more, streaming into the very early morning hours. I had dabbled in flirty erotic chatter before with exes, but it was never more than tongue-in-cheek missives that were more cute than perilously addictive. However, with these pornographic-infused telephonic encounters between Ede and me, we both wanted to up the ante on how hot and bothered we could get each other. We reveled in pushing each other’s sexual buttons in order to flood our libidos to their respective bursting point.

Suffice it to say, when I finally received the divorce decree in the mail, Ede and I soon made plans to meet in person. We eventually consummated our remote relationship in the summer of 2008. As soon as Ede picked me up at the airport and drove me to her apartment and I set down my duffel bag, she turned her head toward me to tell me something and I immediately planted a deep kiss on her lips, the type of kiss I wanted her to know I had desired to give her the first time I had felt entwined in her words. Over the course of a week, our repeated coital sessions plumbed the depths of our loins and climbed the peaks of our lust, aiming for what we had been missing all of our lives. If ever the phrase “We are One” meant anything to anyone, it was at this moment in time when we seemed to touch the epicenter of each of other’s souls.

Ede knew how this utopian coupling would end, though, long before I had even imagined it in my mushy brain. Months before we had even physically met, at my request, she mailed me two handwritten letters. This was because one of our conversations revolved around penpals and penmanship. I simply wanted an example of her handwriting, something palpable in this overwhelming digital space, something that harkened back to our younger years. In them, she presciently explained to me the ways in which we would separate and feel regret, and that I would stop thinking of her as someone I could spend my life with and instead end up thinking of her as someone I once knew way back when and under a much more jaded light. What I should have gleaned from her words was a realistic foreshadowing of where and how we were going to fall over the cliff that was awaiting us. It was a gentle warning that my heart could not heed.

The atrophy of the fantasy of “Us” began as soon as I returned home from my first trip to visit Ede and her two kids. I should’ve been well aware of how desperate it made me look trying to come up with a plan to fly her and her kids to Seattle so that they could settle down with me in my one-bedroom apartment. The logistics of a move clear across the country and the fact that she was still legally married to her estranged husband barely registered in my love-addled mind. Thinking back, though, love hardened into an obsession with me, and I became preoccupied with keeping Ede in my orbit so that we could continue to build our creative endeavors into a juggernaut of a partnership. We always talked about doing photography together, travelling together, writing together. As I recall, one of our flights of fancy that we enjoyed bringing up regularly was the dream of us settling down and living in Vietnam together; such an elegiac homage to our orphanhood, but also a fervent defense of our right to exist in the very nation that birthed us.

To feel so lovelorn and idealistic is nothing new for human beings anywhere and at any time. But, for me to keep on climbing mountain peaks without so much as a map, a sufficient amount of rope, and the barest minimum of oxygen, with the foolhardy belief that if I make it to the summit everything will turn out all right and life will be perfect, it is surely a testament, at least in this respect, to what an idiot I became and what an irresponsible savior mentality I carried around with me, like a captain’s cutlass. It’s like I cultivated the traits of an all-around good guy who, on the surface, values common sense, practices deep respect and cherishes intellectual rigor but also embodied the “nice guy” persona so well that I was ultimately blind to the devilish impulses that only served to satisfy my childish self-interest. This dual pantomime ended up blowing up in my face and leaving me to confront an existential crisis that I can only wish will never recur in my waking life.

Meanwhile, Ede was struggling mightily against an inevitable total disruption of her and her kids’ living situation because of her estranged husband’s almost weekly threats to cut off all financial lifelines to her unless she agreed to move to the Middle Eastern country he had moved to with their other two kids a couple of years ago. In a show of solidarity and to insert a level of normalcy in an untenable situation, I returned to visit with her and her two kids during the Thanksgiving holiday and to celebrate my birthday in early December with them. Coincidentally, my parents were a couple of hours away, where my father was receiving experimental treatment for the cancer he was to succumb to just a few years later. They wished to visit us, since my parents only got to see me once each year. I never divulged to them the real reason I was there visiting this woman and her kids, let alone why this virtual single mother had allowed a recently-divorced man to share a bed with her in her household. I knew it would have just been one more fact of my life that didn’t make sense to them.

Both as a way to stay involved in Ede’s life and to stay on the impossible path of co-habitation with her, I avidly applied for jobs in the urban area she lived in when I returned to Seattle. But it was too little too late. Her “S.O.” — significant other — (as she always mockingly referred to him) refused to pay the rent for the apartment where she and the other two kids had been holed up for the last few years, due to the fact that her S.O. had discontinued paying the mortgage for the house they had previously lived in because he had secured a job outside the United States and planned to move his entire family there. Knowing full well that such a move to that miniscule Middle Eastern nation offered only a life of a covered and sullen housewife without the benefit of any emotional or material support, Ede entrenched herself in the two-bedroom apartment refusing to join her S.O., even though it deeply pained her not to be with her other two sons who had decided to live with their father. Knowing full well these difficult circumstances surrounding her and the choices she was being forced to make, I should have backed away for both of our sakes, even though I wanted to promise her the world. I really should have understood from the get-go that the lifestyle I wanted to create for both of us would have been just another excuse for her not to evolve into herself and to not fully take control of her own life. I ultimately should have realized that Ede was going to make me pay for my well-meaning hubris because she warned me countless times of the end result.

After the axe came down on her homestead, in disgust, she packed up everything in a U-Haul van and in her personal vehicle and grudgingly moved in with her father and stepmother in the rural Southern town she grew up in. That treacherous upheaval must have sliced her already thinning spirit into a million crosscuts that bled out at different volumes and rates.

Out of guilt for not being there to help Ede and her kids pack and move and, admittedly, out of a selfish concern with whether or not I still factored into her life after such a traumatic rift in her living situation, I continued to act as if our communication routines were consistent and intentional. Due to my overblown confidence in who I thought I was to her and that I actually figured into her future plans, I promised Ede that I would start searching for jobs in the region she had relocated to. I promised her that as soon as I established myself there, then she and her kids could move in with me to get away from the toxic situation that had exponentially increased between her and her father. I promised her that once I could nail down those particulars then we could finally pursue the life we’ve always wanted for us. Promise, after promise, after promise. And what did Ede always tell me about “promises,” especially when they fell from the mouths of the men who insinuated themselves in her life?

While my lack of humility proudly blinded me to what was really going on, I continued to live life in denial and boldly envisioned a smooth transition for myself from the moist and overcast Pacific Northwest to the hot and dusty environs of a Southern town I couldn’t even fathom. I wasn’t just taking one shot in the dark; I was taking more than I could ever handle, and never really noticed that I was shooting into my own reflection. In the meantime, our correspondence became more infrequent, condensed, and increasingly strained. Ede had promptly secured a job at a local retailer, which ostensibly got herself out of the house and away from the manufactured chaos caused by her father and her siblings who had plenty of their own unique issues. Our phone conversations would trail off into cold zones and I would plaintively listen to her sigh in resignation as if she were desperately signaling to me to quit putting any more time in our relationship. I had the distinct feeling that any good thought or memory of me, prior to her forced relocation, was slipping through her fingers, so I made the rash decision in my head to fly down and visit with her again. As I put out that suggestion, Ede told me she wouldn’t be opposed to it and that she couldn’t stop me even if she tried. Her less than enthusiastic response to my proposal and our continuing flummoxed interpersonal communications should’ve finally tipped me off that not only did the dynamic between us radically change, but that I had fell into the well-worn rut of hearing without really listening and allowing my interpretation of reality to overlap hers.

The mock execution my paramour had planned for me took place at an IHOP about an hour before midnight in the middle of the first full week I was to stay there. And I should have seen it coming from a thousand miles away as soon as I had landed at that hulk of an airport, picked up the rental car and drove to the motel in the tiny town near where she lived. The two of us first re-connected at a small diner, and she brought along her two kids and a “friend” whom she had increasingly mentioned in our phone conversations leading up to my visit. (Yet another sign I chose to ignore.) I can’t recall his name, but I remember him as a tall, portly guy with long bouncy, curly hair and a bushy goatee and he wore thin wire-frame glasses that seemed to soften his features. I immediately sensed that the connective tissue which had once held the two of us so closely together had been hacked at and was hanging by only the thinnest of sinews. Sitting diagonally across from me in the booth, I remember Ede’s eyes betrayed both surly contempt and pure pity for me. I recognized the look she was giving me, but I hoped against hope that it was not real and that we could share some time together after being away from each other for several months and everything that had come to pass. However, her blatant displays of affection toward her friend confused me and warded me off from initiating any form of meaningful contact. From her friend’s reactions and the looks he slyly gave me, he was enjoying her attention and playing along with her but also seemed to take pity on me because of what her actions were intent on doing. It was as if she had told him all about our history and that she, instead, wanted a future with him.

Skip to that fateful meeting at the IHOP later in the week, and I was anticipating having a real sit-down discussion between her and me in order to come to a heartfelt understanding of where our relationship was headed and whether either one of us wanted to continue gliding on the path we had established. I was expecting just the two of us so we could really talk things out and listen to each other. And, to be completely honest, I still held onto the fantasy that we would eventually end up in my motel room to make love like we had done so ravenously in the past. I arrived at the well-lit restaurant to find not just her sitting in the booth, but also her co-workers, one of whom was the same large, burly “friend.” I was immediately placed on the spot. I had nowhere to hide from the terse questioning about the true reasons I came to this small Southern town and the grave feeling that I had failed to recognize I was being set up for emotional evisceration, in public no less.

At last, Ede placed the proverbial gun to my head and pulled the trigger by accusing me of being undeniably selfish in wanting to stay in a relationship with her and only wanting “to fuck” her while I had the freedom to go out galavanting around town, oblivious to the hard-scrabble reality she had to confront each and every day and the tsunami of hurt that had washed her back into the hometown she had escaped from so long ago. Even though the salty iron of her bullets were winding their way in slow motion into my bloodstream and down through my nerve endings, agonizingly hollowing out any shred of ego I desperately wanted to cling to, it became abundantly clear to me that she estimated me to have become just another man in her life who subconsciously thought he could wave a paternalistic wand over her head, whisk her away from all her troubles and softly set her down in a life devoid of any pain, while simultaneously wiping away any semblance of vice from her past. Ede shot another round into my head by telling me that she and her “friend” were hooking up and she was glad she didn’t have to hide it from me anymore.

Feeling sick to my stomach and slightly faint, I quickly slid myself out of the booth and eeked out the phrase, “Because I love you,” in response to her questioning my motives for visiting her that past Thanksgiving. At that exact moment, it was difficult for me to comprehend what had transpired because my inner voice was incessantly muttering to me in my echo chamber that I’m done as a human being. I bee-lined it back to my motel room, determined to get online and reserve the earliest flight back to my empty apartment in Seattle. I had resolved to disappear into a world of pain that I had, once again, created for myself. The next day, though, after finishing up my breakfast sandwich at the nearby McDonalds, one of the workers commented on the Metallica sticker on the lid of my laptop, and we commenced with some brief friendly banter about the band and their music. Never would I admit it, but that conversation with a complete stranger made such an impact on how I was viewing the world at the time that I decided to stay a few more days. When would I ever get to visit this part of the country again, I asked myself. If I were going to join a subset of the Walking Wounded, so eviscerated I felt at the time, then I would just make myself tinier than a tadpole for the rest of my trip and push on.

This past April marked the 10th anniversary of my fateful trip and bizarre resolution of my intense relationship with Ede. I’m still alive and she is still alive. There are times when I still don’t know what to make of those events or how to shape them inside my head when they materialize in my memory and play themselves back. During the period when so many jittery love cues were passing between us at such a break-neck speed, and the decision to leave my wife was building to a crescendo inside of me, Ede shared a music video called “Run” by Snow Patrol with me. Like so many significant communications she sent, this song contained a multitude of surreptitious messages that underscored her feelings toward me and what she thought she needed to impart to me to not only understand her, but also myself. In other words, “Run” was meant to help me sort out the difficult decision to either run from my marriage, or run into the arms of Ede, or just run toward whatever else was waiting for me on the edge of nowhere while I had the chance. I think she wanted to guide me around all of the constraints I believed were holding me back from realizing all my true selves that were in need of being expressed with all my vigor, all my talent and all my self-worth. Instead, I turned my love for Ede into a thing to set on top of a pedestal and admire. I mistook love for a reciprocal assurance that if I embrace it, then it will embrace me back.

Ten years on, and at the beginning stages of middle age, I am at a unique vantage point where I’m developing the talent to see in many directions and dimensions. In many ways I’ve changed, but in some very primal respects I haven’t. I have learned, though, to keep those raw aspects of me from worming their way into my practical day-to-day while honing the more mature and wisened parts so that they can better express themselves in my life. Love has a role in my life, but it has no hold on how I live my life. It sings its many tunes and pitter-patters in the backwood transoms of my mind. However, I’ve learned now that love is not there for me to have or to seek. It’ll be there no matter where I am.

[chaniters]

Karaoke night

Sidestep goes deeper into the super-hero underworld. His friends reveal some dark secrets. Also. Sidestep at a party!

Enjoy!

---------------------------------------------------

You pull your mask down as you enter, following Ortega and Anathema. You really didn't want to come, to the party, but Anathema insisted, and Ortega has been down for a while now. He got into a huge fight with Riley about a month ago, and they haven't spoken since.

You were shocked that Riley was male, you had always been convinced Ortega was straight. Perhaps he was convinced too, and that's what makes him so confused. He's had a few flings since you met him, and he's never been so bothered by a breakup before.

You take a good look around you, studying the large warehouse

Ortega has explained how this works. Twice a year, Owl and several heroes organize the party at a different location. All heroes of Los Diablos operating on the west coast are invited, even those that keep their identities secret. So you can go in with your mask if you want.

The crowd is much larger than you expected. You can see Sentinel flirting with Elyse at the back. The Answer sharing drinks with Omega. Bastion and Blast are dancing. 

No cameras or cell phones are allowed. It's virtually the safest place for you.

You turn to talk to your friends.. but they're gone. 

The music is too loud... you only know a handful of people here... Now you can feel them staring at you, the guy with the casted arm (or is that just your perception?). 

So many thoughts... You feel overwhelmed and immediately raise your shields. You slowly creep towards a wall. Panic slowly creeps up like a cold breeze on your back.ed

But then your training kicks in. Parties. You have been thought about how they work. There are ways to change your shields.. to help yourself not be noticed so much by the crowd.

If you can concentrate then you can...

"There you are!" Anathema says bumping into you. "Come! This is going to be epic!"

"What? Where are we going?"

"To the reading contest"

"What's a reading contest?" 

"Oh, you'll see" He snickers. He leads you towards an improvised stage on the other end. The owl is there talking to some people.

"Hey, Can Sidestep and I go next?" He asks cheerfully.

"Sure can" Owl answers. "We're short on victims right now. Did you find a good piece?

"YES!"

Owl chuckles. "Alright, you're next, just wait until Warhawk and Medea are done.

"What... is this?" You ask approaching Anathema. 

"Oh just watch and listen"

You lean in to observe the "Reading Contest". 

Warhawk and Medea each hold texts on their hand, and seems to be enacting some sort of play... it doesn't take long for you to realize the type of play they are in is not for children.

"What's.. going on?" You ask nervously.

"Fanfiction. Hero fans flood the web with all kinds of stories involving us heroes. The reading contest is just that. two or more heroes have to read their parts in the fanfiction stories, and the one who does it best wins."

"Is this a real thing?"

"Yep"

"But why is there so much... Sex in their scene?"

"Oh if you're not the best at acting, then making your opponents laugh or chicken out is the best way for them to lose. Actually, almost every fricken scene is sex. It's the funniest"

"WHAT? WHAT KIND OF SCENE DO YOU HAVE FOR US?"

"Ohhhh forgot to give you your copy. Here you go" he grins.

You scan the pages quickly.

"I-... I'm not reading... any of this!" You aren't sure how to feel about this. It's quite a shock to think people would consider you would do these things to Anathema... and in his sleep...

"Did you see Chapter two when I wake up?" He is beyond himself. 

You look for a way out when...

"And the winner is... MEDEA by a landslide! She's the filthiest of them all! All Hail Medea!" The crowd cheers. 

"And now, ladies and gentlemen... I bring you an old favorite... ANATHEMA!" 

This is so surreal... Anathema is on one side of the stage.. and you feel Owl pushing you into the other side.

"And a newcomer! Never seen before... SIDESTEP!"

"And the piece da resistance they present is titled... "Sidestep/Anathema, AU, Escape from the village of the Rammed, part 3! "

The heroes around you cheer. Anathema takes his lines and starts. You feel yourself growing smaller under the pressure of people watching you...

He finishes his lines. People expect you to say yours... what to do... You look at your text. You try to speak, but your voice is a croak.

Only your training can save you. You focus...

.....................15 minutes later.................................

"I can't believe you fucking beat me" Anathema walks with you to the open bar. "I had rehearsed that shit!"

"THat's what you get for challenging me " you chuckle nervously holding the little medal they gave you. It reads "Filthiest hero". In truth, you are sweating so much under your double set layer clothing. REading that was amongst the most uncomfortable moments of your life, but you managed. 

Your training makes you a good actor. And you're curious. You don't want to admit it, but you're probably going to browse into more of these "Fictions" of you and other people.

"Where's Ortega?" You ask a bit concerned. You were supposed to try to cheer him up, but you totally lost track of him.

"There" Anathema points. "I left him by The Karaoke area."

"I'll go check on him" you offer. 

"Hey" you sit by his side. "How are you?"

"Hey" For once he's the one startled. You notice a few empty drinks by his side. "I'm alright. I guess."

"Want to talk about it?" You wish you could read his thoughts. 

"It's the same old story... only that it went nuclear this time" he sighs, taking another sip of tequila.

"How? What happened?"

"He wanted some sort of commitment... And I'm..."

"Still in the closet?" You smile 

"Yeah. I haven't figured out how to handle the media about it...."

"So it's over? Just like that?" 

"Well, he hasn't answered a single text or call. I even went to his place a few times. I think I really hurt him"

"I'm sure he'll get over it. It's been a while"

"I just want to apologize. I even invited him here. But he didn't come either"

"Well... you know, there are other ways."

"Hmm? Like what?"

"I could lend you a brick" you jest.

He can't help the smile. "Stop it"

"What? It worked like a charm"

He punches your arm playfully, now laughing.

"Ow. It was a valid suggestion"

"You bastard. You know how much I spent on repairs?"

"Nope" you confess. "I wasn't very good at talking back then."

"Well.. a lot." He takes another sip of his drink. "But don't worry about it"

"Hey, I could repay you"

"Hmm? No need seriously I..."

"Remember the Karaoke machine at your place?"

"Yep. You avoid it like the plague."

"I'll do it now and we call it even. Deal?"

"Ha. You can't do it! You'll just chicken out"

"Just watch me," you say stepping over and picking a microphone. It's not about debts. It's about distracting your friend. You are learning fast how these things work.

Someone connects a light on top of you. Then the music starts.. and the video... 

You are frozen. This isn't like the reading with Anathema. You are alone. And everyone's watching you. The mic slips from your hand. You take it back... your cue is about to start and you can't...

Someone is singing the lyrics. It’s Ortega. He took the other mic. He gets by your side, singing badly.

What the hell. You join in. You are a cuckoo, and birds are supposed to sing, right?

.................... a few awkward moments later......................

"Wow... we are... terrible. We should probably not do that again" Ortega says laughing 

"Hey, we gave it our all," you say drinking from your own glass now. "We should be proud" 

"Yep!" he smiles. "Cheers!" 

You toast and take some more. You only started drinking but he's clearly going to get drunk tonight if he keeps this up. }

"Also.. thanks for the rescue," you say blushing under your mask.

"It was fun. Maybe we should torture them some more" he gazes at the microphone "But right now... I've got to go to the bathroom" he says "where was it?" he looks a bit lost.

"Come, I'll show you," You say guiding him through the crowd. You wonder how many drinks he had before you got to him.

You take him to the bathroom area and lead him to the door. But he doesn't come in.

Instead, he gets closer to you.

"I... sorry I lied. I don't really need to go"

"Oh?" this is unfamiliar ground. "What is it?"

"I just... wanted to talk to you. Out of that crowd. I know how uncomfortable you get"

 "It's true" you admit sheepishly. "So.. I'm here what did you want to talk about?"

"I think... I..." he seems unsure.

"What?" 

"I think I'm having a crush"

"Oh? On whom ?"

"A very close and dear friend." He looks into your eyes. You suddenly feel a bit dizzy

"Ahh.. really?"

He takes your hand

"My best friend"

You laugh nervously. "You are drunk"

"Just drunk enough to speak out," he says

He gets closer to you. "Just... tell me I'm wrong... and I'll go" he 

You say nothing. He pulls your mask halfway up.

You feel your world spin. Half of you wants to panic. The other half just wants to...

He kisses you. His arms go around your back. Your casted arm gets in the way. You make do.

You can't recall how long did you stay there, kissing him. Being kissed by him. 

It seemed to go on forever.

You do know how it ended though.

Riley’s fist on connecting with your left eye.

And not too long after that, Eldritch trying to destroy you all. 

________________________

My Fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

[reviewsbyracine]

I SAW AN EPISODE OF LAW AND ORDER: SVU: “Babes”

With everything crazy happening in the world, it is important that we still depend on the little things that make everything feel right. For me, I know that I can always depend on classic episodes of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit to help me feel at home. There's something strangely soothing about Benson and Stabler working together to solve a sex crime. (And yes, I know that Christopher Meloni left the show nine years ago - as far as I'm concerned, the Stabler episodes are the only episodes that matter.) When it comes to rewatchable episodes of SVU, I always come back to “Babes," a season ten episode. So with nothing better to do, let me tell you why it is possibly the best episode of SVU ever created.

"Babes" starts with our usual fake-out cold open: characters just trying to enjoy a night out before stumbling on a gruesome crime scene and then we never see them again. This time, it's the last diners at a restaurant. Despite holding holding up the kitchen staff from going home, the gentleman on the date asks to order desserts (despite the fact that they seem to be eating salads) and suggests flambé because it's "exciting." The irate waiter tells them that "the only thing that's flaming is the maître d'."

Just then, a man on fire can be seen screaming and waving around just outside the restaurant. Yes, that's right: SVU set a man on fire and made a visual gag out of it. A poor bus boy throws pitchers of water on the man as he collapses dead into the restaurant.

Stabler and Munch arrive at the scene (Benson is at a conference for… some reason) and meet up with M.E. Warner, who shows them that our John Doe is not only charred to a crisp but is also missing his private parts. When Munch asks where the victim came from, Warner tells them with a straight face to "Follow the bloody brick road."

Someone give SVU's joke writer a raise because John Doe's not the only one who's on fire tonight.

Back at the station, Warner rehydrates his fingerprints (what?) and discovers his identity is that of a homeless man named John Galli. They visit Galli's father, played by Michael Badalucco, a man who hates cows more than coppers. Mr. Galli informs them that his son had been targeted by "Street Cleaners," a vigilante group that runs around beating up homeless people and posting videos of their exploits online. Planning a sting to catch the Street Cleaners in action, Tutuola suggests they "introduce them to the laziest, filthiest bum they've ever seen."

Smash cut to: Munch pretending to be a homeless wacko screaming conspiracy theories into the night. No joke, this edit is hilarious.

Anyway, the Street Cleaners run out to beat up Munch and are quickly arrested. The detectives take off the perps' ski masks and one of them is a girl. The music treats this reveal like it is the most shocking thing that could ever happen. Obviously, they didn't kill Galli - SVU always throws a red herring at you in the first ten minutes and this episode is no different.

Returning to the station, Stabler and Munch find a blowtorch that was found at the scene and can be traced back to the science lab at Blessed Heart High School. Their guide at the school is Max, the president of the school's chastity club (remember this for later), who informs them that the only student who has access to the lab after hours is senior Alec Bernardi. Stabler and Munch spot Alec, who immediately looks guilty and tries to escape the cafeteria. Munch tells Alec that he looks like someone lit a fire under his ass.

"Fire?" Alec asks, sweating. "I don't know anything about a fire."

Smooth, Alec, real smooth.

He's got a burn on his hand so it's obviously him. They bring him to the station for interrogation, where Benson returns from her conference just in time for Alec's mother Peggy to burst in. Peggy is played by the incredible Debi Mazar, so even though the episode was cruising along at a comfortable seven or eight, the energy level has now been dialed up to eleven. Alec is proud of mutilating and immolating Galli and reveals that he did it because Galli raped his little sister Tina and got her pregnant.

Benson speaks with Tina, who vehemently denies being raped. However, she is pregnant. Turns out, she seduced Galli to get pregnant on purpose because she and her friends are in… you guessed it… a pregnancy pact! That's right, this episode's ripped-from-the-headlines story is the Gloucester High School pregnancy pact, where a bunch of teenaged girls got pregnant on purpose.

Benson tells the girls that they are stupid. "What's the big deal?" one girl asks. "That vice president lady's daughter is gonna have a baby. Why can't we?"

The pact's ringleader is Fidelia Vidal, who is excited that she and her friends are "totally gonna be the hottest MILFs on the block." Her father, Not-Bobby Canavale, wants Benson to leave because she is scaring Fidelia with some truth talk. Suddenly, her boyfriend bursts in, having just heard the news of her pregnancy - and it's Max, the chastity club president. Oops. Fidelia's baby daddy is not Max but is instead a twenty-two-year-old rapper named Dizzer.

Let's talk about Dizzer. In an otherwise perfect episode of SVU, Dizzer is a straight-up garbage character. Dizzer is a white rapper who works at a place called Skribble Skratch Records. His motto, airbrushed on his shirt, is "reckin' decks 'n' gettin' sex" and he attempts to get a fist bump from Tutuola, calling him a "brother." Again, this guy is white and he is trying way too hard.

Stabler hands him a court order for a DNA test and the detectives leave to let Not-Bobby Canavale know that they're actually getting stuff done this episode and everything's going to be alright. Not-Bobby Canavale goes to Fidelia's room so they can go get the amniocentesis done and make a DNA match, but her door is locked. Stabler shoulders the door open because he's an animal and the parents and detectives are met with a disturbing sight:

Fidelia, dead, having hanged herself on her ceiling fan.

Obviously everyone is distraught and it's a genuinely shocking moment. Not-Bobby Canavale comforts Max, and Michael Badalucco is spotted moping in the crowd to remind us that he is still in this episode. Fidelia's mother lets the detectives know that someone online was calling Felida names like "slut" and "whore." The email address leads them back to Dizzer, but he denies having sent the harassing emails. His alibi is that he was taking part in a threesome in Brooklyn and reminds the detectives of his motto/airbrushed shirt. Tutuola looks ready to punch this man. The detectives take his phone into evidence and thankfully we don't have to deal with Dizzer ever again.

Tech agent Morales proves that the IP address actually came from an internet cafe and holy shit the culprit turns out to be none other than Peggy Bernardi, seen in some seriously unflattering ATM camera angles. Peggy proudly shows off a onesie for her new grandbaby that says "My grandma is a GILF" and high-fives Tina. When Stabler and Munch confront her about her harassing emails, Peggy goes off on a warpath about how Fidelia ruined her kids' lives and kicks the detectives out of her house. ADA Greylek suggests that they hit Peggy with criminal impersonation and reckless endangerment, among other charges, and Munch reminds the group that Peggy only used words against Fidelia and to arrest her would go against the first amendment. Good ol’ Munch, always a voice of reason. Before they have time to commit to what exactly they're arresting Peggy for, word comes in that a mob has formed outside Peggy's apartment, led by Not-Bobby Canavale. Stabler and Munch arrive to rescue-arrest Peggy.

On the stand, Peggy says that sending harassing emails to a hormonal teenaged girl was "just a goof." A large television is presented so that Peggy can awkwardly read her fake-teenage bibble-babble to the courtroom. We get to learn what "OMFG" and "STFU" mean. In her last message to Peggy, Fidelia writes that her "fath is knocking," implying that their conversation was ended because Not-Bobby Canavale was at the door. However, Tina suddenly comes to a realization and informs the courtroom that "FATH" actually stands for "first and true husband" in some dumb chastity club lingo.

Stabler and Munch realize that Fidelia's "FATH" was Max, who comes clean: when he realized that Fidelia had cheated on him and didn't love him, he killed her and faked her suicide. Case closed.

Max and Alec are put away for their crimes and Peggy is let go. ADA Greylick gives Peggy some unnecessary attitude and Peggy goes fully ballistic, strangling Greylek and screaming "I'm a good mother!" Greylek tells Stabler to "collar that bitch for assault" but Stabler sees poor Tina in tears, having witnessed everyone she knows and loves fall apart in front of her. Mr. Galli offers to take Tina in, given that she is pregnant with his grandchild, and promises to help her raise the baby. The episode ends on a rare moment of kindness.

So what makes "Babes" the best episode of Law and Order: SVU? The episode features a lot of "ripped-from-the-headlines" moments, from the Gloucester pregnancy pact to the the suicide of Megan Meier. There are some genuinely funny moments in the episode and the performances are pretty great, especially Debi Mazar. And while Benson isn't featured all that much, it's a pretty heavy Munch episode, and he's always great. The episode starts with a homeless man on fire with his penis chopped off and still somehow finds a way to get more crazy by the end. "Babes" is a season ten episode, which means it's SVU in their bonkers prime, a few seasons before Stabler left but long enough into the show's run for them to feel blindly confident in what they were doing. If you are able to stream this episode, I highly recommend checking it out - it will almost definitely improve your day.

[thisisdefinitelyaboutyou-blog]

I scrolled through some PLL-related Tumblr posts earlier today and out of around 25, only one seemed too give the finale an over-all positive review. I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s disappointed, even with my expectations at zero.

So first things first: 

I want to give Twincer theorists serious props. 

I only became acquainted with the Twincer theory about four weeks back, so I’m not sure how late I was to that party. The Twincer theory as told by fans - despite being really out there - didn’t seem too bad. Then Marlene executed it and - fuck me - it was the mess to end all previous PLL messes; literally and figuratively.

I’ve torn the show far too many new ones over the years to call myself a fan, but I’ve been there for every episode so I do consider myself an avid follower. I gave up theorising about the baddies’ identities after the CeCe reveal (which was also immensely disappointing for me), but need I be honest my overall gusto to identify the villain of the season started to wane when Mona turned out to be the first A. Since season two′s reveal mirrored the books’ story - despite assurances that it wouldn’t - I felt cheated. The fact that Mona was given a mystery mental or emotional disorder that caused her to start “living in a perpetual state of hyper reality” also didn’t sit well with me. 

After being disappointed by both main reveals throughout the course of the show, my hopes for a decent AD reveal were very low. I had come to a point where I wasn’t even too hung up on who A would turn out to be, so long as the motivations and circumstances surrounding their actions were - at least to some degree - extenuating. 

This time we got Alex, a.k.a. Twincer. 

My main gripe with Twincer being AD is that - let’s face it - no one actually gives a fuck about Twincer. She showed up halfway through this season and we technically didn’t even know it was her, so by all accounts she was a stranger before the finale’s mid-mark. 

As the finale went down we learned that Twincer’s original motivation for becoming AD was to back the PLLs into a corner so Charlotte’s murderer would fess up. It turns out that Twincer was targeting the wrong people since Mona was the actual killer, but whatever. When Mona confessed and Twincer pulled the plug on the game, she found she missed impersonating Spencer so she orchestrated the whole underground bunker with the Carissimi money Charlotte left her to trap her twin. Other motivations included wanting Toby’s peen and vengeance because Spencer got the better lot in life. 

If it played out as recycled, it’s because it was: more dolls, more masks, more secret hideouts and more long-lost relatives with misdirected anger issues. Even the scene of Twincer’s reveal wasn’t too different in context: Similarly to Cece, Twincer only revealed herself to one liar in flesh and blood, but at least last time the rest of the PLLs had the privilege of watching the drama unfold via video-link. Worse still, when the PLLs finally came face-to-face with the evil twin, Toby, Spencer and Twincer drove forward what was left of the scene. At certain points, the finale felt like a Troian-acting-special. Intentionally or otherwise, these issues combined felt like a very cheap shot at both the remaining main characters and the actresses who play them. 

The questions I didn’t expect to be answered remained effectively unanswered. Bethany’s relevance to the show is no clearer. The NAT Club side-plot (and what was on their tapes) was not addressed. Toby’s mum’s death is still sketchy. Pepe is still AWOL. I noticed Jason failed to make an appearance because he was supposedly doing charity work somewhere (read that as the actor who plays Jason being unavailable at the time of shooting). It also seems like Mike was a no show at his sister’s wedding unless I missed the camera panning over him in the pews for half a second.

In my view though, the one long-time character that got short-changed the worst was Wren. He’s been around since day one but turns out to be Twincer’s emasculated, half-baked, pawn (not to mention her murder victim), whom she killed. Off screen. And turned his ashes into a diamond pendant. His relevance was relegated to the backbench, his charm, wit and general shadiness replaced by a Twincer-infatuated enabler. Wasn’t this guy a psychiatrist? Couldn't he have gotten Twincer sectioned especially since she was exhibiting behaviour that was dangerous both to herself and to others? Is Marlene going to explain that away with ‘he wanted to protect her’ too? Jenna’s character didn’t fair much better, but at least she didn’t die and can be credited with setting in motion the events that led to Twincer’s capture and Spencer's rescue. Mona also got fucked (it feels to me like she should have been given more to work with during the finale), but like Jenna, she was at least written as useful in resolving the Twincer mystery.

The shout-outs are probably what I liked best about the episode. The nods to the mums getting out of the basement and Aria’s ugly-cry were almost bittersweet. Some outfits were strikingly memorable: Hanna’s red dress at the start of the episode and Aria’s wedding garb are the ones which come to mind first, followed by the PLLs bridesmaid gowns. 

I wasn’t banking on any particular ship because they’re all fucking problematic to varying degrees, but I was really hoping Aria would be freed from the Ezria chains, even if through death. Who am I kidding? I was legitimately disappointed he survived past the end of the series. The Haleb-pregnancy plot read a bit like the making of a band-aid baby (or maybe I’m just too cynical for my own good...). I suppose Marlene involved Toby so heavily in Spencer’s confrontation with Twincer to compensate for the fact that Spoby was not a definitive 100% endgame. Emison - on the other hand - gave me feels I never knew I had about them. They are dedicated parents and evidently very, very much in love.

Vanilla sex scenes doubled up as filler, but these were not nearly as insultingly useless as Addison’s appearance. The final nail in the coffin was the ending scene: a reshoot of the iconic barn scene with Addison’s crew replacing the PLLs. Why couldn’t we have had the grown-up PLLs having one last sleepover: a happy and carefree one, the kind they spent their entire teens missing out on because of all the A drama? I will never buy that an Addison spin-off is on the works, not with ratings lower than they’ve ever been.

At least, now that PLL is done, Marlene will finally stop shitting all over it from a great height. Unless she decides to write a follow-up movie, of course.

[buckybarnesbingo]

BBB Week 26 Roundup

You wanna hear something disturbing?  There are TWELVE WEEKS LEFT in this round of the BBB!  AMAZING AND FRIGHTENING.

And you get the very first whisper of this news... next weekend (October 17th) we will be having another Discord party!  More info to come about that...

Title: On the watch Collaborator: Menatiera Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y1 - BAMF Bucky Ship: background Stuckony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Winter on a mission, Bucky and Winter are separate personalities, happy ending Summary: The Winter Soldier takes his missions seriously. This Mark shouldn't cause any troubles. And then he does. Word Count: 3427

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Title: The One Death Left Behind Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: AO3 Square Filled: B3 – “Dyin’ ain’t so bad.” Ship: None Rating: Teen Major Tags: assassination, death, introspection, angst Summary: Bucky Barnes has had just about every kind of experience with death that there could possibly be. Except one. Word Count: 850

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Title: Making Waves Collaborator: hddnone Link: AO3 Square Filled: K3 - Arranged Marriage Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: Creature fic, octoBucky & merTony, allusions to sex & public sex Summary: Tony and Bucky come up with an unconventional plan to escape Tony's arranged marriage. Word Count: 1106

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Title: Reveal on skin Collaborator: Menatiera Link: Tumblr Square Filled: B3 - Team dynamics Ship: Stuckony Rating: Gen Major Tags: cursed!Tony, moodboard Summary: Moodboard and summary. Villain of the Week casts a curse on Tony to “reveal his true nature on his skin”. Instead of horrors, though, Tony’s hands start to resemble the night sky with thousands of stars. Word Count: 363

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Title: Art: Fireworks Collaborator: dreaminglypeach Link: Tumblr Square Filled: Y5 - star watching Ship: Stucky Rating: Ten Major Tags: pre-war, pre-serum Steve, fireworks, fluff, art Summary: Steve and Bucky and fireworks

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Title: Sight Collaborator: Menatiera Link: Tumblr Square Filled: C2 - [picture of Steve and Bucky standing next to each other] Ship: Stuckony Rating: Gen Major Tags: moodboard, retired!steve, blind!steve, happy!steve Summary: Steve goes blind and retires - much to his boyfriends Tony’s and Bucky’s bafflement. Word Count: 222

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Title: air and space Collaborator: plutosrose Link: AO3 Square Filled: C1 - Mistaken Identity Ship: Stucky Rating: Teen Major Tags: Identity Issues, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Memory, Smithsonian, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Whumptober 2020, alt. 9 memory loss Summary: “He was smaller,” he breathed to himself, forgetting for a brief moment that one of the cardinal rules of any mission was to make sure that he didn’t make any noise.-A man visits the Smithsonian. Word Count: 2027

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Title: Is It Better to Have Loved and Lost? Collaborator: Purple_ducky00 Link: AO3 Square Filled: B4 - Rescue Mission Ship: WinterIron Rating: Mature Major Tags: Graphic Violence, Torture, Gore(?), Kidnapping, Not Really Character Death (assumed), Angst, Hopeful Ending Summary: Tony was kidnapped, and Bucky goes to rescue him. It doesn't all go according to plan this time. Word Count: 846

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Title: The Curious Witch and the Cursed Wolf - Chapter 1: A Man and A Wolf Collaborator: riotwritesthings Link: AO3 Square Filled: C2 - AU: medieval/fantasy Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: fantasy AU, witch!Tony, wolf!Bucky, fairytale vibes, Non-graphic injury Summary: Once upon a time there was a man, and a wolf. They both went into the forest looking for different things, and instead they found each other. Word Count: 1288

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Title: Breaking Free Collaborator: shadow-ravin Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y1 - AU: Supervillain Ship: None Rating: Teen Major Tags: Alternate Universe - Supervillain, podfic included, Podfic Length: 0-10 Minutes Summary: Bucky breaks free of Hydra before the movies. Hydra tells the world he is the villain. Word Count: 419

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Title: To Love Every Peace Of You Collaborator: Fighting_for_Creativity Link: AO3 Square Filled: K1 - Kink: BODY WORSHIP Ship: WinterIron Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Angst and Fluff, Body Worship (Kink), Clowns, Idiots In Love, mentioned PTSD Summary: James Bucky Barnes and Tony Stark have been together for several months. But somehow they haven't gotten intimate in bed yet. Some miscommunication could be the reason for it. Oh, and Tony's birthday is around the corner, meaning James needs to come up with a present. Thankfully, the villain of the week gives him the perfect idea. Word Count: 4080

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Title: To Be Warm Collaborator: darter-blue Link: AO3 Square Filled: K1 - Huddling for Warmth Ship: Stucky Rating: Mature Major Tags: Bucky Barnes Recovering, Fluff, Huddling for Warmth, Sharing a bed, Getting Together Summary: It's cold. Like, ridiculously cold. And Bucky is awake - partly because his brain just won't shut off tonight, and partly because the comforter, the blanket, the other blanket and the three pairs of socks he's wearing are just not enough to keep the cold out. Bucky hates the cold. Back living with Steve and finding his way to recovery, Bucky just wants to be warm... and it just so happens that the warmest place in the apartment is in Steve's bed - right up next to Steve, the human furnace... But does Bucky have it in him to crawl in next to Steve and borrow some of that warmth? Will Steve let him? Will it turn out that Steve has wanted Bucky there all along? For my Bucky Barnes Bingo Square: K1/ Huddling for warmth Word Count: 1015

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Title: in the woods somewhere Collaborator: nightwideopen Link: AO3 Square Filled: B5 - Bucky/Natasha/Clint Ship: Bucky/Natasha/Clint Rating: Mature Major Tags: several mentions of death & suicidal ideation/attempts, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Past Character Death, Magical Realism, Dark Fairy Tale Elements Summary: The only thing Clint cares about is the aching sadness in his bones that won't go away, and that one way or another, the witch can help him.And if that means feeding him to a feral snarling beast, then so be it. Word Count: 2271

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Title: Emotional Complications - Chapter 1 Collaborator: TiBun Link: AO3 Square Filled: - Major Injuries Ship: Steve/Bucky/Clint Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Major Character Death, violence, ABO, explicit sexual content Summary: Clint was hurting. He'd lost the love of his life, and suddenly life wasn't something he wanted to participate in as he kept himself locked away from the outside world. Steve hated seeing Clint like that and reached out, hoping to be enough to help the archer experience some of the good in life once more. Neither of them ever expected to see Bucky again. Word Count: 8709

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Title: Modify, Babe. Collaborator: fightingforcreativity Link: Tumblr Square Filled: K3 - Kink: BODY MODEFICATION Ship: WinterIron Rating: Mature Major Tags: DARK, not cap friendly, not avengers friendly, Rhodey is a good bro, Pepper is a good bro, Bucky POV,  Body Modification (Kink) Summary: Word Count:

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Title: After a Long Day Collaborator: saganarojanaolt Link: Tumblr Square Filled: U1 - Lingerie Kink Ship: None Rating: Mature Major Tags: art, nsfw Summary: Bucky art

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Title: Stop Me if You've Heard This One Before Collaborator: Faustess Link: AO3 Square Filled: K1 - Vulnerability Ship: pre-Bucky/Tony/Steve Rating: Teen Major Tags: Anxiety, Angst (with a happy ending) Summary: An artist, a super-soldier, and a billionaire walk into a bar - you haven't heard this one yet, have you? Tony Stark, recently divorced dad, head of Stark Industries' R&D department, and Iron Man, has been lonely. Rhodey's the best co-parent anyone could ask for, but he's moving on... and Tony's lonely. Bucky Barnes was pulled out of the ice almost five years ago. Even now, he's still not comfortable with the celebrity that goes along with being Captain America. And it's isolating being both younger than your teammates and at least 3 generations older. Bucky's lonelier than he'd ever thought possible. Steve Rogers made a name for himself as a graphic designer and illustrator - good with both digital apps and hand-drawn sketches. But romantically, there may as well be tumbleweeds and dust in his bedroom - it's that close to a ghost town. It's hard to be taken seriously, though when you're 5'4" and 100 lbs soaking wet... and that's a lonely life. So a better way to phrase this would be: three lonely hearts walk into a bar to see what they can find. Word Count: 4007

[thewritinglist]

Albums of the “Year”

It’s very limiting to list my favourite albums released in the last twelve months, because years are an arbitrary concept, invented by humanity, and I also struggle to get away from my comfort zone of a few bands I’ve obsessively listened to and mentally catalogued. So, here is my top ten albums of 2018. They’re not necessarily from 2018, but they defined my year.

10. After Laughter by Paramore

For a long while, Paramore existed in my cultural awareness as one song, and a post on this very site about how Hayley Williams once caused a tour to be cancelled by getting her teenage self grounded.

That’s an unfair assessment.

The one song was Still Into You, passed on as part of a mixtape made by a dear friend to celebrate my first anniversary with my girlfriend. But after hearing Fake Happy on the radio at my former place of work (I didn’t love The Co-Op, but I have to hand it to their DJs and their fine taste), I had to google some lyrics to find it. The twelve songs tell an often deceptively sad story underneath the jangling guitars and synths that throw you and Paramore back together to the eighties. I listen to the music for the lyrics, and Williams really excels in adding sadness in the tone and not as something yelled. 

Best song - Hard Times.

2017 - Fuelled by Ramen - Pop rock

9. Silver Dollar Moment by The Orielles

I discovered the next two bands by a moment of delightful chance, when indie band Little Comets opened their twitter account to female fans on International Women’s Day, and one recommended these two.

Opening track Mango really nicely sets the scene for forty-five minutes of dreamily delivered indie rock, especially in Esmé Dee Hand-Halford’s vocals and bass. It’s the sort of music that makes me want to close my eyes and gently drift my head from side to side, which is why I have a soft rule to listen to it mostly in the comfort of a closed bedroom. Labelling anything indie gives an impression of competent but basic guitar/bass/drums, but The Orielles do much more than that, there’s an injection of funk and weirdness that occasionally brings to mind Talking Heads, if you played them at half speed, and replaced Byrne’s sudden manic energy with languid relaxation.

Best song: Mango

2018 - Heavenly Records - Indie rock

8. Love in the 4th Dimension by The Big Moon

The second chance discovery, The Big Moon are definitely more conventionally indie than their precedents in this list, but I like the simplicity of not adding too much to a song. This album blasts, first track Sucker building quickly and simply to a massive chorus, which is easy to imagine reverberating around Rescue Rooms or Rock City to a highly appreciative crowd. 

But it slows, too. Formidable’s verses have a solemn quality, with imagery of a capsizing boat and vague references to “did she make you swallow all your pride?” changing the atmosphere to something more confrontational, before the chorus rugby tackles the subject, with still soft vocals.

Best song: Silent Movie Susie

2017 - Columbia & Fiction Records - Indie rock

7. Harry Styles by Harry Styles

“Have you listened to Harry Styles’ album?”

The same friend that brought me the Paramore song asked me this on a Texas road trip with my girlfriend, having grown understandably tired of my musical choices. I said no, with an implication of “of course not”, because he was a he One Direction guy, and I hated them and all they stood for.

That is a poor assessment of Harry Styles’ abilities as a songwriter and musician. His self-titled debut, such a classic going solo move, is a mature change-up from the former One Direction star. An aeon away from upbeat teen-pop, now Styles is singing maturely and softly about sex, not explicitly but provocatively in Carolina. The use of “Good Girl, she makes me feel so good” is not at all subtle, and the album often feels like these are ideas and feelings that Styles wanted to get off his chest. These are not One Direction songs, and much as the Harry Potter series mature as the books passed and readers aged, Harry Styles feels like an album aimed at One Direction fans who are growing less interested in the innocent, good boy image they’d cultivated.

The music is clean and engaging, but more complex than those previous recordings. In all, the album manages something tough: It reveals a former teen star’s true maturity without the need to scream it explicitly. It feels confident in its identity, which is an achievement in itself.

Best song: Two Ghosts

2017 - Columbia - Indie pop/soft rock

6. Mean Girls - Original Cast Recording

Mean Girls, the film, holds up. Comedy, as I’ve learned just across my time at university, is the first genre to age badly. Punchlines need a target, and our understanding and acceptance of who and what is allowed as a target is ever shifting. So for Tina Fey to ingeniously target not the cattiness of teenage girls, which is a cheap stereotype that the mainstream media still loves to find and blow up (see: the majority of Taylor Swift coverage), but rather the expectation that they’ll do that, and the mentalities of teenager in general, savvily keeps it fresh.

Mean Girls, the musical, opened in 2017 and moved to Broadway in 2018. Music is written by Jeff Richmond, Fey’s husband and collaborator on both the seminal 30 Rock and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Nell Benajmin provided lyrics whilst Fey wrote the book, and together they brilliantly recreated the quotable magic of the original. Fey’s credit is limited to the book but at times her voice is loud and clear in the lyrics. The dumbest plastic, Karen Smith, sings an ode to Halloween, which begins with her muddling over putting it before world peace as a priority, and builds to her love of costumes: “I’m sexy Eleanor Roosevelt or sexy Rosa Parks” is such a Fey joke, fitting of the film. It’s also delightful to hear some extra input on protagonist Cady’s initial best friend Janis (Barrett Wilbert Weed, the best performance), a wonderful character who has the backstory most ripe for exploration in any future works.

Hey, I managed not to say fetch. 

Wait.

Damn.

Best song: World Burn

2018 - Atlantic - Broadway

5. Be More Chill - Original Cast Recording

Be More Chill is an honest story of teenagers and mental health. Adapted mostly faithfully from a 2004 novel by young adult author Ned Vizzini, the story is of Jeremy Heere, a high school loser whose initial goal is charmingly low-key. He just wants to be a bit less awkward and able to survive high school, but quickly decides to sign up for a school production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, following in the steps of his crush Christine Canigula, a theatre lover with, in her words, “A touch of ADD”.

It’s this detail that sets the musical’s story apart from the book. Mental health is a subtextual theme of the book, but Christine and her love of performing as someone else and occasional scatterbrain, makes it explicit. The main thrust comes when a jock named Rich offers Jeremy a Squip, AKA a supercomputer, taken as a pill, that invades your brain and tells you how to act and speak. It helps Jeremy enter the cool kids’ circle, but at the expense of his friendship with the proudly dorky Michael, who is delighted that humanity has stopped evolving because, in his words, “there’s never been a better time in history to be a looooooooooooooooser!”

In the final song, Voices in My Head, Christine and Jeremy finally bond properly over the voices they’ve both heard, and it completes a surprisingly moving story of mental health in a musical that is often bombastically big and ridiculous - the Squip is supposed to have Keanu Reeves’ voice. Joe Iconis’ music and lyrics are witty and engaging, perfectly fitting the clever and original novel, and the sadly departed Vizzini.

Best song: Michael in the Bathroom (George Salazar)

2015 - Ghostlight Records - Broadway

4. Worhead by Little Comets

Little Comets are the most exciting band in current music.

This is a bold claim, but I like to be bold. Little Comets, who hail from Jarrow in Tyne and Wear, write the most incredibly moving, lyrically dense and thoughtful songs you can find today. Every song on Worhead is affecting.

If you listen to their first album, In Search of Elusive Little Comets, the musical and lyrical progression in six years is astounding. The fun early indie rock has complicated and deepened, like a lake dug out from beneath its surface. By 2017, lead singer and writer Rob Coles’ grasp on lyrics had become masterful, and he uses images to  generate feeling so well. The title and opening tack immediately point to a specific image: “Standing in a field of grass, looking for a blade of grass”. Coles is upfront about his political beliefs - a 2014 song titled “The Blur, the Line and the Thickest of Onions” explicitly denies and attacks the language of Blurred Lines, and their music is often loudly feminist. Worhead asks us “My sweetheart, can we lean more, to the left side, to the left side of everything”. À Bientôt angrily speaks to anti-migrant rhetoric from their perspective, even including the temporary sympathy caused by the image of the dead boy washed up on the beach, whilst Hunting is written from the smug, entitled view of Tory ministers, cutting, unafraid of retribution, safe from the consequences.

Density of ideas is a Little Comets staple, and the unapologetic thickness of the accents often need a trip to their website or Genius for understanding, but Coles also writes poetically when he pares his words down for romance. “Common Things” describes globetrotting, but in the context of not wanting it, because of the joys of being home, only needing an atlas under the mattress. Elegant domesticity is the only kind of love song that continually appeals to me. They are a continually astounding and unique band.

Best song: 

2017 - The Smallest Label - Indie rock

3. Illinois by Sufjan Stevens

I hardly ever enjoy music purely for the feeling that the music imparts on me. Before I was listening to music critically, I saw an episode of Charlie Brooker’s excellent series Screenwipe, which discussed and took the piss out of all elements of television. In an advertising special, he mentioned that advertisers love music as it bypasses the logical part of your mind and is processed emotionally. There’s something romantic about that, but at the same time sometimes I wonder if that subconsciously put up mental guards, and I have to understand lyrics to understand the emotions.

Illinois is a rare exception.

Sufjan Stevens relased Illinois in 2005 and it serves as a sort of concept album about the American state. It covers points from its history: “Come on! Feel the Illinoise!” covers the historic World’s Columbian Exposition, and “John Wayne Gacy Jr.” is about the infamous serial killer and affords him almost shocking levels of empathy. Stevens later said that we’re all capable of what Gacy did, which is debatable.

But we’re all capable of the grief woven into Caismir Pulaski Day, which tragically tells the story of losing someone who died on the state holiday celebrating their Polish revolutionary war hero.

An independent singer songwriter with track titles as terribly long as “The Black Hawk War, or, How to Demolish an Entire Civilization and Still Feel Good About Yourself in the Morning, or, We Apologize for the Inconvenience but You're Going to Have to Leave Now, or, 'I Have Fought the Big Knives and Will Continue to Fight Them Until They Are Off Our Lands!'” seems like someone addicted to acoustic guitar, but Stevens utilises piano, strings and horns, especially effective in the aforementioned ‘Come on’. The album is vivid and alive, and is really a practical tie for second.

2005 - Asthmatic Kitty/Secretly Canadian and Rough Trade - Indie rock/folk

2. Masseduction by St. Vincent

This year, I made a real effort, admittedly only in September, to get into new music. Reading an interview with David Byrne, I was intrigued by his mention of St. Vincent, aka Annie Clark. Anyone who can engage David Byrne is worthy of attention.

Inside the striking image and colouring of the artwork, Masseduction was first introduced to me in the opening scene of Bojack Horseman’s fifth season, replacing the standard use of Back in the 90′s by Grouplove with Los Ageless. The song, Clark’s depiction of Los Angeles, feels bleak and distant, the electronic music giving an disconnected vibe. It’s her relationship to the city, and the album as a whole is a series of looks at relationships. Pills is about a relationship with drugs, the title track and Savior are about sex. Happy Birthday Johnny, both slower and acoustic, feel related, as though they’re both about the same person, Clark coming to terms with the sadness of that loss.

Masseduction is endlessly listenable. It spans various pop genres, with enough variety to reward many listens and picking on many of its songs to focus on individually. Pills really does feel like withdrawal, with pumped up verses, an almost manic chorus, and a suddenly balladish final section, where the tone becomes surprisingly sombre. It works, powerfully so.

Best song: Pills

2017 - Loma Vista Recordings - Electropop/Glam Rock

1. The Kinks are the Village Green Preservation Society (50th Anniversary Edition)

The Kinks released Village Green Preservation Society on the 22nd of November, 1968, which sounds fine until you learn that The Beatles released The White Album on the same day, spelling inevitable and crushing doom, and the permanent departure of founding bassist Pete Quaife from the band. Quaife, who had grown tired of the industry and the Davies’ brothers warring ways, scrawled ‘daze’ on a tape recording of Days. But he left on perhaps the band’s highest note. 

I don’t know what else can be said about this album. Even if every song isn’t a standalone masterpiece, with the strange fairy tale of Phenomenal Cat and the childlike Mr. Songbird only working in context of stories of the past, but they form a collective that is masterful in painting a rich story. It has the delicacy of a great painting, something that former art student Ray Davies must appreciate. And it is so distinctly Ray Davies in its voice, something only he alone could have written. It was their first album after a still somewhat mysterious five year ban from American touring, then the only real form of promotion, but it dismisses the cultural shift towards psychedelia with an almost passive-aggressive tone. 

The weighty re-release is fitted out with sixty tracks, but they’re largely alternative versions of songs from the original album and the recording sessions, many unreleased, including the finished Time Song, and a lovely demo of Days, that proves that Davies was always a better writer than singer, bless him. Harmonies with his brother Dave always lifted the words, but they stand alone, as short stories, brilliantly formed.

VGPS contributes to their stereotypical image of proud Britishness, but there’s a look to the future and underlying sadness that add depth to the album. The original final track’s closing lyirc?

Don’t show me no more, please.

1968/2018 - Pye Records - Folk Rock

[traincat]

Do you think that Johnny/Daken's canonical relationship was at least semi-abusive or at least really unhealthy? I see a lot of people really liking it but their interactions in that comic book gave me a lot of red flags :/

Oh yeah, 100%, this is not a healthy relationship in canon. I think my thoughts on that have always been pretty upfront? I know I’ve never written it happy or healthy lol. Not to knock anyone shipping it, everyone should ship what they want and besides I ship this (not in terms of wanting a happily ever after or for them to necessarily even interact again, but more in terms of where’s the 30k dirtybadwrong smutfest), but yeah, I think it’s more than fair to say that in canon this is messed up from start to finish, as one would expect from a relationship between Johnny, who Just Wants To Be Loved, and a master manipulator like Daken.

I’m going to break it down with pictures because otherwise I have to work on fic who doesn’t love a deep read. While, for the record, I don’t believe Daken ever had to use his pheromone powers to get Johnny to sleep with him, he canonically uses them to influence several people in Dark Wolverine #75 alone, and at least one of them sleeps with him as a direct result, so sticking a consent warning on everything. Long and picture-heavy exploration underneath:

Dark Wolverine #75-77, the beginning:

So right off the bat, we’ve established that Daken uses people to get things. We’ll get into where Johnny plays into this in a moment, but it’s just an important thing to remember in general re: this particular story.

During an Osborn’s Avengers board meeting, Daken baits Bullseye into shooting him with an arrow:

(There’s a pattern here: first, there’s Barry, the guy you see in the first set of panels I’ve posted. Then, there’s this agent. If there’s an unseen third person who sleeps with Daken over the course of this story, well, it’s definitely Johnny.)

Anyway, the next time we see the arrow Bullseye shot Daken with is later on in this issue, when the Fantastic Four crash a party:

Shooting a cute guy through the thigh and then blaming your coworker! The start of every classic romance, am I right. So already we’re not off to a great start here.

Daken later shows up at the Baxter Building to ingratiate himself into the Fantastic Four’s midst – by baiting Ben Grimm into beating the hell out of him. It seems like a weird strategy, but it’s very effective. (It’s heavily implied that most of the baiting involves Daken purposefully using his powers to push Ben into a rage – but the verbal component does involve Daken suggesting Ben is sexually attracted to Johnny. And then Daken’s head meets the floor, repeatedly.)

Anyway, it’s a REALLY good move to get Johnny’s sympathy, which is pretty freely given, but most importantly Johnny doesn’t like when the people around him engage in ultra violence, and frequently attempts to be the peacekeeper:

In addition to Johnny being a soft touch, he’s also by far the easiest target if Daken plans to get close by getting into bed with one of them. Reed and Sue are married – not that he wouldn’t do it on that basis alone, but if he wants to stay in their good graces beyond the immediate time (and we see later that he does), well, that’s going to cause drama. With Ben there’s I think both the physical aspect of Ben being a huge rock guy and the fact that Daken has more fun pushing Ben’s buttons in other ways. Johnny’s the obvious (and prettier) choice.

The Four and Daken talk:

So let’s look at these two panels: Ben, Sue, and Reed are all expressing skepticism, but Johnny’s silent. He’s just watching Daken. His body language is pretty attentive – he’s leaning towards him and listening. In the last panel, Daken looks back at him.

When Daken and Reed’s plans against Norman Osborn go south, the Four are “forced” to abandon Daken and flee on their own. I say “forced” in quotation marks because I suspect that Daken’s “go on without me” moment is as big of an act as everything else – a way to make Reed feel indebted to him as he nobly lies in the rubble and waves them on to do their noble work. Johnny, notably, is very upset at the idea that they’ll have to leave Daken behind:

Re: the “keep your voice down” scolding, I think another thing that plays into how easy it would be for Daken to get Johnny to do whatever he wanted is the fact that the group to this day very much treats Johnny as the baby, a role he’s alternately clung to and rebelled against. To have Daken – older, mature, appearing just this side of dangerous – take him seriously (or act like he does, anyway) would be pretty heady for him.

So that’s where this first storyline ends: with Reed feeling indebted to Daken and Johnny, if not involved with him already (unlikely, given the short period of time, but not impossible), then at the very least emotionally invested in him and receptive towards him.

So now we open with Daken #1, where Daken is having sex with a model backstage at a fashion show:

(NOT TO BE THIS WAY BUT I think this kind of attitude is something Johnny’s into in the bedroom. But really I mostly included this panel as an example of how Daken talks during a sexual encounter – since we never actually see Johnny and Daken together in a sexual context, I’ve decided to use Daken’s other encounters as a kind of proxy to read the mood.)

After some sexually charged dialogue between Daken, a few other models, and the designer, he receives a phone call from Johnny:

We only see Daken’s side of this conversation, but there’s a flirtatious edge to it – “What would I have done? Oh, Johnny.” Daken’s also pretty in control of the conversation: it’s light but firm teasing and then “we’ll have to talk about that later.” (because Daken has to go kill a bunch of people.)

In Daken #3, Daken fakes his death. He texts Johnny “call me” right before Johnny stumbles upon the scene of the crime, knowing of course that when Johnny does try and call his phone, this will happen, and Johnny will think he was murdered:

So now Daken has another card in his hand: Reed feels like he owes Daken a debt. Johnny feels like he wasn’t there to help Daken when Daken needed him and is sick with guilt to the point where the others comment on it.

Friendly reminder that Johnny Storm doesn’t like himself very much at the best of times, which I’m sure a character who prides himself on reading others as much as Daken does must know. 

But of course Daken’s not actually dead, as he reveals to the Fantastic Four when he reappears in the Baxter Building and appear to rescue Franklin from an unknown attacker. (In reality, Daken orchestrated the attack in the first place.)

Johnny reacts emotionally, calling Daken a jerk for letting them think he was dead. Daken gives them a speech about only being able to trust the Fantastic Four, and wanting to change: “Eventually, when the time is right, I’ll come out as myself. Then, maybe, people will be able to accept me without the past hanging over my head.” Again, it’s a really good speech to hook Johnny, who often doesn’t fit with the celebrity persona he’s cultivated. And who likes men.

Next we see Daken and Johnny in Johnny’s bedroom, where Daken is changing into some of Johnny’s clothes. The sexual connotations are obvious here: Daken’s doing up his pants, while Johnny’s seated on his bed, legs spread. But also important to note is Johnny talking about when he thought Daken was dead, because we’re going to come back to that near the end of Daken’s series when Daken rather cruelly twists that sentiment around.

In Reed’s lab, meanwhile, Ben disapproves of Daken’s presence, calling him “a real bad apple” and citing that it’s strange that the attackers from earlier ran off before they could ID them. (Likely because there were no other attackers and Daken was using his speed and powers to create the illusion.) Reed and Johnny both brush off Ben’s concerns by teasing Ben over his discomfort with Daken hitting on him. Daken, meanwhile, obtains a weapon (albeit one Reed states won’t kill anyone) from Reed, so he won’t have to pop his claws and reveal his identity.

The next scene is upon the Baxter Building roof, while Daken is preparing to leave. Johnny’s notably changed clothes – before he was in his uniform, now he’s wearing casual clothes and he’s barefoot.

“He got what he came for” is a pretty obvious double entendre – the weapon from Reed, sure, but also sex with Johnny. This implies that the other members of the team know about the nature Johnny and Daken’s relationship, and that Ben disapproves. Johnny appears pretty sad about Daken leaving – the slumped shoulders, the barely there answers, the fact that he won’t look at Ben.

After a brief moment alone with Daken on the roof, Daken leaves and Johnny goes inside, and:

THIS IS A BREAK UP SCENE.

Reed, meanwhile, starts to believe they’ve been conned, while Daken reveals to the audience that he stole from Reed’s lab. So I think ultimately, whether or not Daken was attracted to Johnny (and I think he genuinely was attracted to him: later, while in a coma, Daken dreams of Johnny, and in the dream Johnny tells Daken he’s very glad he’s here), this whole relationship was about the manipulation of Johnny to help further Daken’s goals and that he preyed upon Johnny’s yearning for love and affection and to be taken seriously in order to forge a stronger bond with the Fantastic Four. Once he gets what he needs, he drops Johnny and leaves.

Much later, at the end of Daken’s series, he returns to the Baxter Building with his healing factor fried. When Reed offers to try and help him, Daken angrily rebuffs him, and then turns on the charm:

The face of a man who sees his ex hitting on his brother-in-law. Johnny, recently returned from the dead himself, attempts to talk to Daken:

“Real people stay dead when they die, Johnny” is a cruel mirror of “When I thought you had died… I was so sorry.”

To rub salt in the wound, Daken later says this to Reed during his big last battle, right before he drugs Reed and throws him from the Baxter Building’s roof:

“So we take on partners, and when we get tired in life we take on a life partner. Their siblings being an unwanted complication.” There’s a non-zero chance Johnny heard that, considering he’s the one who swoops in to rescue Reed last second. (Daken also murders several people outside the Baxter Building; Johnny comments later that he still has their blood on his uniform.)

That’s the end of the road for their interactions so far, but yeah, I would classify the relationship as unhealthy and deeply manipulative at the least, which is something I’d really like to address in a longer fic at some point because it does interest me (look at this whole thing I wrote, obviously it interests me), especially from Johnny’s perspective on things. Also I maybe want him to find out retroactively that it was Daken who shot him with that arrow in this first place.