#practically speaking tho i have not really Vibed with any songs

[thegoldenavenger]

Just saw (heard?) a country folk cover of a mitski song and..... ugh is that what it takes for me to get into mitski?????

[lesbianlenas]

I know you’re a taylor updates account but can you please react to the new billie eilish album🙏🏻 she’s my favorite

i am going to do this as i will do almost anything for my tumblr followers of course but let me preface this by saying i have not listened to like any billie eilish ever i have only heard bad guy once like several yrs ago and then her song from the barbie movie once when my brother made me watch the oscar’s so idk what to expect really other than that i know there is a song abt eating pussy lol. i will put my thoughts under the cut tho

skinny: this song has p much the same issue as i had w the tswift songs w the slow music & breathy singing i’m just really not into that at all. i like the lyrics tho and she does sound pretty but it’s just really not for me. 3/10

lunch: i def like this song better but there is smth missing for me musically or vocally idk there is smth more that i want from this. i’m biased tho bc it’s abt eating pussy ngl 6/10

chihiro: my first thought putting this on is like girl open ur mouth speak up 😭 again she sounds very pretty vocally on the high notes in this song but it is just so boring to me it’s just giving nothing…if i wasn’t actively listening this would sound like instrumental music to me like u could just zone out her singing into just being humming or smth. i know they must have done the mixing on this song this way on purpose but it’s almost leaning into shoegaze here vocally wise 😭 second half picks up a little bit in the music but not in the vocals sorry this just REALLY doesn’t do it for me lol 2/10

birds of a feather: ok i like this one the most so far i really like the vocals on this one i feel like she is finally singing instead of whispering 😭 overall just enjoyed this one lyrically musically vocally just overall enjoyable even if i wish she didn’t still do the whisper thing for a lot of it lol 8/10

wildflower: this is really not doing anything for me it’s too slow. i think the music is really nice tho and her voice in the chorus is nice too. i enjoy that u can really hear the instruments in a way that a lot of other pop music tends to obscure the instruments and focus way more on the vocals ykwim. i actually like the second half of the song more when the music kicked up and there was more harmonizing. overall fine to me. 4/10

the greatest: this is practically a lullaby omg 😭 i cannot believe how slow this is and whispery. ok the chorus picked up so i appreciate that. the problem here is that the verses are so utterly boring to me but the chorus and the bridge are really good esp the bridge. i was going to rate this so low but the bridge really blew me away tbh 😩 frustrating bc i would give that bridge 10/10 like soooo good. but the verses really bring it down for me. 7/10

l’amour de ma vie: already enjoy the vibe of this one and how it is different from the others. i really like the music on this one and the vocals at certain parts esp the chorus it’s more interesting than some of the others. the second part of the song is like. i enjoy that it’s different but i’m not really into electronic music. but i like that this song was really different from the others 6/10

the diner: really like the music on this one too. vocally ok idk. this really just didn’t leave a huge impression on me. if i listened to it a few times it might grow on me but yeah. 5/10

bittersuite: i am just like girl open your mouth PLSSSSS. ok wait it seems to be changing up a little 😭 no it got worse on the wanting her to open her mouth front actually 😭 i know the mixing is like this for artistic reasons as i said but i just simply don’t like it. this just does nothing for me again. 3/10

blue: i really like this one lyrically but again i just find it boring sound wise even tho i think it makes sense in this song. if this was the only song that sounded this way in the album i think i would appreciate it more bc i really think the sound fits the song a lot. i also liked how this song called back to like all of the previous songs in the album i think that’s a great way to tie it all together. still was not a huge fan tho 4/10

overall: ok so objectively if i was going to rate this album like barring my own personal tastes i’d prob give it a 9/10 it’s beautifully done musically and the lyrics are great and when she really uses her vocals it’s so good. for my own opinion i’d honestly give it a 4/10 just bc this is the type of music that is really not my taste at all 😭 slow indie music does not do it for me and this album really is just slow indie. there is a lot of artistry to it that other indie music lacks i think tho and i can appreciate that too and i do feel like she puts emotion into it which i like. but it’s pretty like when i go to a museum and look at a piece of art for 2 mins and then i walk away not where i go back and look at it 300 times like saw it once and was like wow that’s pretty and that’s all u know. but my dislike of this album is def just a personal taste thing i can tell that it is objectively very good. i also appreciate that she was able to make similar sounding songs that were also all still unique in that you would be able to tell which is which yk. but that’s p much all i have to say on it 😩 hope it’s not disappointing for u that it’s not really my thing i’m sorry 😔

[realwaldojeffers]

thank you! not too much work left for me i hope haha

my first language is russian and i also speak a tiny bit of german! been too long since i practiced it though

thank you for recs on bowie and VU!! i'm far from an expert on them lmao so i'll listen to these albums! i've only listened to earlier bowie albums from the man who sold the world to diamond dogs i think. life on mars must be one of my faves, i remember having it on repeat for WEEKS last year lmao. i dreamed of getting hunky dory on vinyl but couldn't find it in my local record stores :( the same with many other bowie, UV and lou albums too, no idea why they're such rare animals here. a ziggy copy i have must be one of the best sounding records in my whole collection tho! do you collect physical media?

i love velvet goldmine too!! i love todd haynes' style and it really does kinda feel like an ao3 fanfic lmao. this kind of biopics must be my favorite, when they're unauthorized or loosely based on actual stories. do you have any favorite music biopics?

my favorite artists are the beatles and john lennon! and as for the third one ehh.. even though it's not classic rock i'll say lana del rey, ever since her new single came out i've been listening to it obsessively

i see you love beatles too, so i'm just gonna say my favorite albums by them are the white album and magical mystery tour! as for john, my absolute fav of his is walls & bridges, but i guess imagine would be a good place to start as it's his dreamiest and maybe... softest? while still showing some of his edgier sides of the early 70s. plastic ono band is close to my favs after W&B but it definitely can feel too unsettling, not without lighter parts though. his part of double fantasy is full of highlights too (i like yoko's songs too though!) ugh sorry i could talk about john for hours really lmao

and as for lana- since we're into classic rock i think ultraviolence is right up that alley. it sounds so timeless it could well fit into the 70s. my other favs of hers are honeymoon and blue banisters!

i wish i watched more music documentaries and concerts but it's often too hard bc i know i'll never get to experience it live 😭 i've seen the beatles' shea concert tho and it was good! do you have favorite live shows and docs?

Once again, srry that it took me forever to reply and omg it’s almost Christmas lol But I’m excited to finally know you btw

By this time, you probably are done with your work, right? I hope that is the case so you can finally have a nice winter rest

I also try to learn German too cause like I have been obsessed with so many German artists for so long, the obvious one is Nico 😂 and also I love Kraftwerk and Rammstein, but my knowledge in German is limited to the random odd of the language

I’m also a big fan of Bowie early work too, just not so much on his folkish day lol. Still, The man who sold the world gotta be one of the my most fav albums of all time. Hunky is amazing too! Life On Mars is literally one of the song that hooked me on to David. I’m not sure if you knew this but the song Queen Bitch from this album is literally David trying to do a VU-style songwriting. So basically the narrator of that song supposed to be Lou or smth lol So yeah another weird Bowie-Lou Reed fanfic vibe 😂

About Vinyl, all of my fav artists’ records are hard to find here too, except for Bowie lol he is everywhere for some reason so prob a good thing. But no one in Thailand seems to know Velvet Underground or Lou hahaha.

I don’t own much records cause they are tbh quite expensive for me. But I have Diamond Dogs, VU’s debut album, and Lou’s Coney Island Baby on vinyl. All of them are the best things ever! But I do collect a lot of CDs

I truly not very big on biopic but Nowhere Boys is very amazing in my opinion. I love that films very much. I see that you are a big Beatles fans, what do you think about the film? I’m not sure about the accuracy but I think it’s beautiful how they depict Lennon-McCartney friendship.

Omg! I love Lana too! She is one of my all time fav artists and songwriters! Her new songs are so amazing. I’m alway intrigued by her lyrics and the way she expresses them

I haven’t listened to all of the White Albums and Magic Mysteries but so far I love George’s guitar style in the White Album so much that it’s prob gonna be my new favorite Beatles album. Personally, Let It Be is my favorite album by them but I haven’t watch the Get Back doc yet so I might need to do that!

Thank you for your recommendation on John’s music! I have been interested in John and Yoko’s works for sometime now but didn’t know where to start. They are such an iconic artistic present of the past century!

You probably have psychic ability for sure cause recently I just put Ultraviolence on repeat lol. Also it’s just delighted me how she put Lou’s name in Brooklyn Baby >< For Kana, I also love Honeymoon and Norman Fucking Rockwell

For live concert, I think I watched a bit too much Bowie’s live tbh. But I just cannot resist cause his stage crafts are just one of the best and his shows are my comfort place. I think Ziggy’s live and Diamond’s Dog’s live (you can see those in Cracked Actors’s doc) are probably his best. My fav act is the one he did Hamlet with Cracked Actors. But the one that comfort me the most is the Glass Spider tour live tbh. It’s a pretty meh album overall but the live show are so great and late 80s Bowie is like a father figure to me so I come back to that all the time

Not sure if you’ve watched Hayes’ Velvet Underground documentary yet but it’s very good! It could be focus too much on the early years of the band at time and doesn’t go beyond the post-John era so much but still there are a lot of direct history to learn from the doc as it has John and Moe, as well as, everyone who involved with the band and New York avant-garde scene of the 60s. Still, I personally think it doesn’t talk enough about Sterling Morrison and completely dismiss Doug Yule which is a bit sad. But I understand where Hayes is coming from tho, having John as the strongest present of the band as the leading narrative lol. Also the film is a bit pro-John Cale cause well… Lou is dead 😐 so that is a head-up

Anyways, I hope you have a great holiday and cannot wait to know who you are!

Tons of love,

Tawan!

[quicksilverownsmysoul]

Hey I was wondering if you could do a fic or some headcannons of any character with a Hispanic reader teaching them more about their culture and meeting their parents? Idk it’s something special for Hispanic heritage month<3 (ofc you don’t have to do it if you don’t wanna)

Okay but I would love to do that!!! Love this !!! thank you anon for sending this in. Buckle up y’all cause this is gonna be headcannons for the Evans and they are gonna be hella long!!! (Also feel free to send in more x Hispanic reader requests for any character ) I also have a Peter x Hispanic reader in the works

The Evans with a Hispanic/ Latinx Reader (GN)

Tate

- literally in love with you

- gets really into the telenovelas but won’t ever admit it to you

- would be so nervous to meet your parents for multiple reasons (one being cause he was a literal ghost)

- when you met him you like did the sign of the cross and tried all those old tricks to free his spirit

- he was very amused

- I feel like your parents wouldn’t like him too much, they don’t like his energy

- it’s crushes him but he acts like he doesn’t care

- you still date him and tell him he doesn’t need their approval

- would love to hear about your culture especially all the ghost stories and superstitions

Kit

- fascinated with the low rider community

- literally wants to learn about all of them so you take him to meet up so he can talk to the mechanics behind it

- they make a lot of jokes about him calling him gringo and asking why this white man is here but he just laughs with them

- they actually all take a liking to him and how accepting he is

- he gets invited to all future meetups and helps work on some of the cars

- loves to learn cumbias and dances with you

- always twirling you around the kitchen

- your parents liked him well enough, thought he was polite but worried about how he would support you

- but after seeing how much he loved and respected you they were sold on him

- if you speak Spanish he’ll try to learn a couple phrases for you

Kyle

- wants to learn everything about you and your culture if you wanna share it with him

- always willing to listen your opinions when it comes to Hispanic/Latinx representation in media

- loves to watch telenovelas and will get huffy if you watch them without him

- he’ll gasp at the perfect times too and get really invested

- likes it when you sing Spanish lullabies to him, cradling him in your arms as you play with his hair

- he was so nervous to meet your parents, practiced what he was going to say about a million times

- probably had his friends pose as mock parents and have them reject him so he’d be prepared for the worst

- but your parents love him. Literally think he’s so ambitious and a perfect gentleman.

- They immediately asked when you two were getting married

Jimmy

- loves all the music, literally always humming a Juan Gabriel song or a Richie Valens song

- obsessed with Selena, has a poster of her in his cavern

- he bought it after you introduced him to her. When he hears dreaming of you tho all he can think about is you. Especially when you aren’t there and all he wants to do is hold you in his arms

- Was scared of meeting your parents, put it off for as long as possible.

- he knew you’re parents didn’t think anybody was good enough for you and he was sure they’d hate him too

- wore his gloves when y’all went, trying his best to seem respectable

- your parents were still wary of him tho, making it clear that they didn’t like that he was in a freak show. Didn’t think that life was for their kid

- you stand up for him and yourself and jimmy has never been more proud in his life

- tells you how much he loves you the entire ride home

- Loves when you rub vapor rub on his chest after a long day

- Loves all the candies from the mercados, like the peanut patties

James

- charmed by absolute everything about you

- was a little of ignorant when your first met him, his era imposing a very stereotypical view of you and your culture

- you help to teach him about your culture and break him out of that mindset

- he wants to learn and change for you and as time passes he does. Kills anyone who even says anything remotely racist to you 

- Like kit he is very into dancing your traditional dances with you

-probably rehearses it to perfection and puts on a recital for the whole hotel to watch

- fascinated with the concept of death in your culture

- Loves the fashion of it all 

- You introduce him to Raul Julia movies and he’s just starring at the screen like why am I in this movie???

Colin

- Will try and cook your favorite dishes for you but it’s a pain to get him to try it

- He’s a little put off by all the flavors but for you he will try it all

- He cannot handle the heat, anything that has even a hint of spice he will be dying. He tires to play it cool and be like that was good but the minute you excuse yourself he’s gulping milk down by the gallon

- Loves pan dulce, always has one with his coffee

- Loves to go to the markets with you and shop around for local ingredients

- You give him a little cross to wear and he never takes it off, always around his neck

- Will go to church with you every Sunday if you want, like you did as a kid

- If you get married he will be all for that traditional wedding, wanting you to embrace your culture as much as you want

- The family makes fun of him in Spanish and you have to stop youtrself from laughing with them

- Your parents like him but they think he’s a little goofy

- He was so flustered when he met them but in the end it all worked out. 

Warren

- Loves all of your traditions, he has so much fun learning them with you

- Adores abuileta hot chocolate, it won’t even be cold and he’s drinking it all day long

- Unlike Colin he can handle the spice, will do challenges with your family to see who can eat the spiciest tamales or just straight up eat a jalapeno

- If anyone tries to make fun of you he will fight them, yelling about how ignorant they are and how he will kick their ass back to Europe if they keep talking like that. 

- He someone is best friends with your grandparents, always offering to help and charming them 

- You are amazed and how he had them wrapped around his finger, watching as they pinch his cheeks and call him handsome in English and Spanish

- Your parents aren't too fond of him and don’t like that his parents are divorced but your grandparents just shush them and say that he’s perfect

- Always so smug now that he has their approval

Peter 

- Eats everything and anything you or your family makes

- Loves it all and is  wiling to try anything once, even menudo 

- Your grandma is always trying to feed him, saying that he’s too skinny and needs to eat more

- He has to like disappear after the fifth plate because she won't stop feeding him

- Your Spanish speaking family members call him Pedro

- loves the big happy family vibes never had that growing up 

- always playing with the little cousins at parties and jumping with them in the bounce house

- fights them over the piñata candy 

- He was nervous to meet your parents, nearly passing out when your dad starred him down at the door

- They all love him though and like how respectful he is around you 

- The aunts and older cousins are always gushing over his hair and asking if they can style it 

Charles

- big sweetheart

- Next to Kyle he is the most beloved by the family

- They always say how sweet he is and how pretty he is. Loves that he always brings something for parties, and usually makes it himself

- But since they found out he’s into photography he becomes the designated photographer for all events. Your cousins all hiring him for weddings and birthdays 

- You buy him a big fluffy blanket with one of those giant animals one it and it’s his favorite thing

- Loves to cook with you, always rolling out tortillas as you guys sing in the kitchen

Taglist: @coffeeandteaintheevening @kitwalkerangel  @livingmybestfictionallife @amourtentiaa @shlutnutt @rottenstyx @mossybank 

[beomglocks]

what soobin is like as a boyfriend

warnings & other: none i just love him but let’s be honest who doesn’t, this gets cheesy in some parts bc he just gives off stereotypical kdrama bf vibes but guys he’s the one

w/c: round to 1k

ok first off 

sorry if i rant soobin is my baby so ofc i think he’s the perfect boyfriend

he’s so

ugh

ok when you meet him he’s a shy boy

like really won’t wanna look you in the eye

ok like super fucking awkward

like painfully and you’re like “hahah ok that’s cute”

that only applies if you look intimidating tho

if you’re one of those people who’s blessed with not having resting bitch face he’ll be flirty

well you know..

he has his own methods of being flirty

he’s charming in his own way

probably does what yeonjun does but more subtle

stares

will stare at you

and when you make eye contact he smiles and rubs his lip with his finger DJSJSKDK PLZ

alternatively: looks away, purses his lips with a smile, ears get red, looks back up to you already looking at him then he waves

youre left like

“omg he’s so fucking cute”

ok but actually like he will reel you in without you even knowing

next thing you know you’re laughing at his lame ass jokes

god forbid you think he’s funny

“you think I’m funny? well we should date” :)

wait im pretty sure he said he doesnt go after someone unless he knows they like him back

tbh he’d probably wait until you make the first move

or wait until you show interest or else he’ll just hide his feelings

you have to bring him out of his shell

once you do...oh boy

100% never leaving you alone

always telling you how much he loves you

he’s the sweetest

teeth rotting sweet

i feel like he would slowly open up to you during the relationship

he’s not like automatically into it if that makes sense

shy to initiate things at first

such as kissing and touching

asks you if it’s ok first

we love consent

free samples kind of guy

dont take him to an ice cream shop or shops in general

he will devour the free samples

next thing you know you’re leaving with goat cheese and the newest ice cream flavour

he gives hopeless romantic vibes

would want to bake with you in the kitchen

and i know this sounds cliche but

flour fight

he’s cute with it at first

just rubs some flour on your nose then next thing you know

“we turned our dog white”

he’s a simple man

however

he probably spoils you

but not like expensive item type of spoiling he isn’t extravagant

god forbid the price range of any of the items he buys you exceeds his actual paycheck

cute gifts that you’ll actually use and cherish

i dont see many fights happening with him tbh

maybe if you question his leadership choices then i can see a fight happening

for example if you think he couldve handled a situation better in a certain way and you point that out to him he’ll get all defensive

“im the leader of my group dont tell me what you think is best for my group”

then you’re just like “well shit fuck you too i was just tryna help”

i can see him distancing himself after a fight if you’re also feeling a bit aggitated

doesn’t talk to you until it’s literally 2am and neither of you are sleeping bc yall always cuddle and you’re not cuddling him

:(

he’s always the first one to say sorry

my god he makes fun of you so much

not on a beomgyu level though

more of a “if you say something silly i will make you feel so dumb for the rest of the day” kind of clowning

wow jealousy

i feel like he’s not super jealous unless he feels threatened

everything was fine until the fire nation attacked

once he sees you getting a little too buddy buddy with someone else he’s like nah i gotta shut this shit down

he’s humble but once he’s jealous he’s all braggy to make himself seem above who ever was trying to get at you

“yeah i think we ALL-”

boy do you have to comfort this big baby

he’s sensitive :(

hold him and rub his head on his off days

tell him he’s the best boy and it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks screw them

he laughs like 

“shouldnt i be comforting you?” 

soooooooooo sappy

cliche asf boyfriend

buys you flowers

if he could he would be doing the whole radio outside your window thing (side note: yeonjun would too be he’s whipped asf)

college bf (we saw it coming)

see also: college bf who helps you in what he can and tells you to screw math bc you don’t need it anyways

shows up at your school or job after his practice

everyone loves him

everyone

you gotta be on guard 24/7

i wouldnt say you’d be insecure per se but soobin definietly lacks awareness when it comes to being flirted with

he recognizes others advances but laughs awkwardly, forgetting to tell the person he already has a partner

~cue mild argument~

at the end of it all he’s like “dont worry i only like you jeez”

if he’s working on a song he asks for your input

or rather how would you interpret a certain emotion that he isn’t able to convey

just to joke around, if he has to write a song about heartbreak but neither of you have been through that he’ll be like

“well there’s a first for everything :)”

soobin 100% takes the time to learn about your culture

he’s invested what can i say

introducing you to the other members isn’t THAT bad

but they definitely clown soobin

txt: “how come your partner is cooler than our own leader”

“maybe they should lead us instead” (joke)

soobin’s like fuck yall i can be cool :(

always send you cute selfies

with messages along the lines of

“i miss you :((((”

“bring ice cream on your way back!”

“be safe tho xxx”

he gives embarassing dad vibes

you can’t introduce him to your friends !

since he has you around he isn’t too shy and once he engages in conversation you better pack your bags

he’s trying to be funny (keyword: trying) but really it’s just your friends laughing to not make the hot idol bf not feel bad

you help him with his script for music bank

speaking of music bank

yes, yes, you are clowning him like the rest of txt and he comes home like

“not you too :(((((((”

hueningkai

my goodness hueningkai

yall tussle over soobin’s attention

sometimes it feels like youre sharing soobin with kai

you love them both but youre like “kai sweetie it’s cold and i wanna be the one to cuddle my bf so please”

speaking of cuddles 

best cuddles

ones where he’s wearing a really comfortable sweater that’s actually nice material and your face gets buried in his chest 

his limbs will be tangled in yours no doubt

but wow he’s so warm you almost never wanna let go

they don’t call him “home” for nothing

tall boy

makes fun of you if you’re shorter than him

yes he does tease you by placing items on higher-than-you-can-reach shelves

kick his shins he’ll give in

you: ”hows the weather up there”

him: “nice actually but you wouldnt know now would you :)”

tell him your problems, tell him anything

he will listen

and i mean let-you-ramble-for-hours kind of listen

but at the end of it his input is always valuable and he isn’t judgemental

he’s a good listener and gives good advice!!!

he’s not the leader for no reason put some damn trust in him!

[icecreamkink]

watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

 It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 

 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 

wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  

one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 

BAT WEN NING 

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*

[cloudy-dayys]

obsessed w ur clef headcanons. do u have any more u can share? (luv ur art btw <333)

i would kill everyone on this planet for you and then myself tysm 💙💙

more clef headcanons (i will not be referencing 4231 in any of my clef posts just because that is very triggering for me, instead im gonna say he and 166's mom met one day when clef was in his late 20s, shit happened (ya know, they fucked), and boom he had to go and kill her and take 166)

#

· he was never really a child or teen, he was just a monster that happened to break into the foundation's reality one day (i say this bc i cant really imagine him as a child or teen, he's more monster than human and we may never know if he was a normal human that adopted these powers or came from smth else)

· he is both a reality bender and anchor, more so using his bending powers more

· he has many forms, whether the 'human' one is his true one or not is still a mystery, seeing as those he may not be showing his true capabilities or if he has another twisted form that is a lot more powerful

· he may be a rival of kondraki and they hate each other's guts, but he still respects him a lot. clef even met draven (kondraki's son) and admires how konny is a good dad, so he only gives kondraki a hard time and doesn't actually dislike him (clef 🤝 kondraki: good dads and clef finds it cute)

· more than anything, he wants to take meri out on a dad and daughter day. go to the movies, the mall, buy her anything she likes, etcetc. he thinks she deserves to be spoiled rotten (and she does!!)

· but he really dislikes how his daughter is super christian, so if she ever finds out he may be the devil or even states he could be anything satanic or sinful, it wont be pretty on her side

· his face isnt that comprehendible until u personally get closer to him. if ur a complete stranger to him, its impossible to directly look at his face without some sort of problem. it'll seem like static or as if nothing is there, and itll make u want to look away since its too much for ur brain to handle (can make people have headaches or their eyes sore). if ur a pal or a well known enemy of his, you'll see some features like his sharp and terrifying grin, and sometimes his 3rd eye (which will make anybody be in distress)

· he, surprisingly, has a great voice. what makes up for his lack of face or any horrifying features is his voice. sometimes you'll hear him hum a melody or quietly sing a song in his office, he sings more calming songs than anything energetic. if ur lucky enough he'll hop his ukulele out and start singing a wonderful and peaceful song

· he loves guns, but not in a weird way. back to my first headcanon, once he entered this reality and had a somewhat stable form, the minute he found out theres metal shiny things you can hold that make loud kaboom sounds and have many varieties hes like "holy shit!?!? that is so cool!!!!!!!" and its really his comfort item. he usually goes to any open range and practices bc it is a great distraction and he loves holdin em (like a stim!). he cleans em regularly, like a hobby of some sorts

· he's made his own songs before, but he keeps em in private. he may sing em for his daughter though!

· hes more in touch with anomalous beings then regular humans, cause every anomaly thats been locked up by the foundation can relate on something

· "hm. this small anomalous child has no (good) parental figure in their life? well that is clearly my child now. i am their new dad"

· he is very intelligent, you can never prank, trick, or pull any game on him. he can read gestures and cues very easily, and can pick up any weird vibes or feelins within his area

· hes definitely an anarchist, i dont make the rules

· he sometimes wishes he can live a normal life ina suburb home with an amazing s/o and his beautiful daughter and they live happily ever after. then he proceeds with "well where the hell is the fun in that?"

· he has yet to comprehend human emotions, mental illnesses or neurodivergency, he may be able to trick and mess with someone in their head, but being able to fully comprehend human feelings and such is far out of his abilities. maybe one day though

· mess with his friends or family? hes already at ur house bud. there's no saving ur miserable life now

· the infamous 'dr clef can't be affected by anomalous things or properties' still holds very true. he can be affected by 166's powers tho!

· he speaks 4-ish other languages: old greek/latin, german and french. he can gladly try and take up more languages tho, they amaze him!

#

i have more but i dont want to make this too long and borin for others lol

[mrhrmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]

Hiii could I please get bnha & haikyuu matchup? Preferably with males pls. My pronouns are she/her. I am 5’4, an ambivert and a Latina. My enneagram is type 4. I have pale skin, mid-length brown wavy hair with bangs, and hazel eyes. I am described as someone who comes off as cold or aloof when I’m around people I don’t know. After getting to know me, I am the complete opposite. I’m just a bit shy at first lol. My friends have told me that I give good advice but like to joke about my stubbornness. I like to make people laugh and try to make the best of any situation. However I have a hard time expressing my emotions. I’m also described as easy going and fun to be around. I also love animals especially dogs.

I am a hip hop dancer and love to perform. Dance to me is very freeing and I'm usually dancing anywhere anytime haha. I choreograph a lot as well. I also enjoy reading could vary from manga to non-fiction. I love music especially hip hop, rap, & reggaeton. I also love to write music/poetry. At one point I was composing 2-3 songs a day but lately I've lost my creative streak. I never show anybody though since I’m really shy about it. I'd love to one day tho! I can be playful and love to tease my friends. I also really like to eat and travel. I am a bit of a homebody but I enjoy hiking because of the exercise. I really enjoy having deep conversations. I can’t stand people who bully others and people who are fake. I like to be honest and helpful in any way I can. My style is usually anything comfy/casual and I don’t really like wearing skirts or dresses. I speak English and Spanish (learning Japanese & Portuguese). I would love to learn ASL and Hawaiian one day as well. I enjoy watching crime investigations, probably one of my favorite things to watch.

I don’t really any fears, just not being able to accomplish my goals/dreams. I tend to daydream a lot and I’m also a big procrastinator 😭. I'm usually in my head a lot which tires me a bit. Alone time for me is definitely important. I would say my love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. I’m usually really cold towards the person I like lol. Only because I test the waters to see if I should spend time and energy on them. I tend to be a bit jealous/possessive, not in an unhealthy way though. Just wouldn’t match with someone who is very flirty with other people lol. What I look for in a partner is someone that is selfless, mature and has depth to them. Also if they are really accepting because I’ve never had that growing up. I'm a bit touch starved lol. Thank you so much 💖💗💕

tl;dr Hinata Shoyo thinks your really cool and supports your goals/you in general fully. Tamaki Amajiki thought you were scary at first, but once you warmed up to each other he ally admires you, and thinks your cute.

Hope this is alright, still new to the whole matchup thing:

Haikyū!!:

I give you…One Shoyo Hinata

He may not always be the most mature person, even in the Haikyū timeskip, but he makes up for it in other ways.

You would probably meet after his first year, probably sometime between end of his second-timeskip around 2018.

Really depends on where you are, I won’t go to into detail seeing as some people might not want spoilers, I will put any spoilers down below the cut at the end of this.

If it’s during high school still, you might be a new manager for Karasuno, or even the manager of another team they are having a practice match with.

Just some things…:

> would love that you can speak multiple languages, he thinks it’s so cool that you can communicate to all kinds of people, and he’d probably ask you to teach him a little bit as well

> he probably wouldn’t care if you were ever distant/cold, he understands that it takes time for people to warm up to each other, (Kageyama, Kenma even, good examples there)

> if you told him/he saw/you showed him your dancing, he would probably be open jawed thinking stuff like “that- is so freaking cool!!!” yeah- mental exclamation marks.

> if you showed him how to do a couple moves? amazing, he’s gonna brag and go show his teammates tomorrow at practice what he learned how to do

> sometimes he can be a bit energy draining, but if you tell him you need alone time? he understands completely and will give you your time (might be a bit impatient in waiting for you to send him a message saying hi but he respects that all fully.)

> this dude would be so freaking supportive of you- I will go more on this below the cut for manga spoilers- but he’d just think your one of the coolest people ever

> if you do warm up to him, and decide “this is alright” he’d smile so big and just- hug you so tightly because he’s so happy you feel comfortable around him

> being the kind of person he is, he totally understands you wanting to pursue your dreams. he’d support you, your hobbies, all of it.

> if you told him about your song writing + that you’ve been a bit out of it in your writing he would beg you to let him read or hear some of your work (if you said no he’d understand but he’d still in his mind hope someday maybe you would), he’d ask if you wanted him to try and give you some inspiration, his first answer being “Volleyball!”

> he’s so freaking cuddly once he knows if your comfy with that, he’d hug you, hold you hand, all of that

> start of your relationship he’d definitely be blushy and a bit shy (girls though amiright?)

> he’d watch crime shows with you for sure, he might not share the same love for them, but he loves to cuddle up with you to watch them, he might play with your hair, he just likes to be near you to be honest

> he just thinks your freaking cool and really pretty

BNHA:

Ah hmmm…I give you one Tamaki Amajiki?

Its quite the flip around from Hinata but hear me out….

You are probably also a hero-in-training. You might training to be a more rescue based hero, knowing multiple languages you’d be good at containing a scary situation/containing the crowd. Good at calming people down to evacuate or get to safety..

When you meet to be honest he thought you were scary, shivering in his shoes,

as he gets to know you though, whether it’s from observing you or because Mirio or Nejire have tagged you along with them so he had no choice really-

he finds your not all that scary! The other too can be exhausting so you might drift off towards him for a chiller vibe…

Just some things:

> you’d probably bond over food a bit, and both having the want to stick up for others, (or a dislike for meanies).

> it would take a while for you Both to warm up to each other much/fully, but when you do its quite great

> A slower relationship for sure I think, even once your both more comfortable with each other, not a whole lot of affection at first though

> if you first initiated any affection (verbal or physical), he’d probably be a blushing mess, don’t worry though, he finds it easier to show not tell, so once you’ve talked about it to each other and he’s gotten reassurance from his friends, he’d probably be much more affectionate

> probably lots of comforting, cuddles, not a lot of public affection- he’d rather keep it behind closed doors. when your alone he loves to hold you hand or just pat your head, mostly small things but baby steps matter

> if you tell/show him your dancing he might be intimidate, he’d think it’s cool but he’d definitely have a little bit of a mindset about you like he does with Mirio, he loves and supports your dancing fully though

> same with your writing- if you showed him he would probably think “oh well now i have to add to my list of reasons my s/o is amazing.”

> food dates + movies/tv shows probably, he’d watch crime shows with you, he thinks they are interesting, he mostly loves the look on your face when your doing/watching something you love

> definitely lots of comforting him when he’s anxious

> he likes it when you speak in languages he doesn’t speak, he also likes to try and mentally guess what he thinks your saying

> you both need your alone time, so he gets that and respects your space, he hopes you’ll do the same

> he really understands your want to fulfill your dreams and goals, and he really admires you and thinks your really cute.

this was a little rushed and I probably could have found better characters-

hope this is alright if you want a re-match I can do that for sure <3

timeskip!hinata/manga spoilers below the cut

if you meet after high school:

> you both can speak similar language! (assuming that in this made up universe you have already learned how to speak the rest on your list..)

> imagine that cuddly hinata- but better. it’s the timeskip beef all the characters got like—

> if you met/were together when he was doing beach training, he would definitely try and teach you a bit of beach volleyball/indoors as well.

>when he goes back to japan and joins msby? you probably moved over there with him, if not you can probably make a long distance relationship work just fine

> he would brag to his new teammates so freaking much about you too, especially about your dance skills and how many languages you speak

> he’s just really proud of you tbh

> he understands your want to succeed/ achieve your dreams/goals, I mean he moved to freaking Brazil to help him achieve his, so i think he definitely relates

[werifestaria]

Hi I love your blog layout it so tidy!! Also would it be alright if I got a bnha matchup please?. My pronouns are she/her and I'm bisexual. My personality type is ISTJ, I'm a sagittarius sun, scorpio moon and libra rising. To the public I'm pretty closed off/reserved but with my friends I'm brave, loyal and love to laugh. I don't trust easily and I'm pretty cautious of everyone so I try to keep out of the way.

My hobbies include gymnastics which I did competitively and won a few medals, I also do figure skating and have leveled up pretty quickly at that. I workout everyday because even though I dont compete now I still want to improve and if anything I'm better now than I was back then.

I like indie music, horror movies mainly psychological, nature and wildlife and the peace and quiet it brings. I hate loud, busy places, untidy, dirty things and people messing up my routine.

My love language is quality time like I just wanna be around that person a lot. I think the love language that speaks to me most is probably also quality time, like the fact that they would want to be around me willingly seems so unfamiliar I love the idea of it. Also words of affirmation or physical touch, I'm awkward at giving those but receiving them would make me melt cause I'm not really used to any of it. My ideal dates are simple things like going on walks at like 3am or dancing in the livingroom or movie nights just cheap simple things like that.

hope that's okay sorry it kindof long :)

𝐦𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐫𝐚

Thank you so much for one of our first requests! We appreciate your love for the layout as well!! Tbh, I spent multiple hours straight getting it just right, so it’s a relief people find it pretty- and also, Scorpio moon gang! anyways, I hope you enjoy your matchup from me! Have a lovely day, hun

𝐦𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 . . .

𝐞𝐣𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐚 !

runner-up : hanta sero

Easily, Kirishima is one of BNHA’s most easygoing, compassionate characters. His heart is big and always in the right place. Based off of your description and his own array of traits, I think he is the perfect character for you! Like, almost a little too perfect. A Sagittarius and a Libra (Kirishima’s sun sign!) are said to be very compatible and harmonious. Even better, it’s also said that people are often drawn to others who have their sun sign in the ascendant—Kirishima being a Libra sun and you being a Libra rising! To make things even more fantastic, perfect, and everything in between, Kirishima’s MBTI (according to The Personality Database) is ESFP. Guess what? ISTJ’s and ESFP’s are said to be extremely compatible! Of course, he’d find your inner demeanor to be extremely attractive. As he is naturally social, he wouldn’t mind your reserved nature and would pursue you in both friendship & romance regardless. Your outer shell would only lead him to appreciate your comical inner-self even more! He’d greatly admire your bravery and loyalty as well—it’s not something you see often anymore, after all. He’d try to bring the best out of you as naturally as possible, letting you do the same to him. Easily, he’s the most supportive boyfriend you could ever get! This man would adore you with patience, admiration, and sheer love, all with his own cheesy, dorky flair. I imagine Kirishima is careful in love, yet just as bold as the sun. He’s grounded, but on his most passionate days, his admiration can never be paralleled. You’d simply make him weak in the knees with every glance you’d spare him!

𖥸 Your music taste simply infects him. Imagine him listening to indie music with you 🥺🥺 your head in his lap as he plays with your hair- omg!! he loves to just sit and vibe with you. Nothing can compare to the fun you have on your chilliest days- he loves spending time with you in little ways like that

𖥸 Workout dates!! He’s infatuated with you for many reasons, but one of them is because you work out. The dude literally thinks it’s the coolest thing in the world and he adores working out with you. It’s easily his kryptonite lol

𖥸 Kiri has no concept of grace, so he is extremely impressed with your gymnastics and figure skating skills!! He could watch you do your thing for hours tbh. Like, slack-jawed and wide-eyed. In fact, I think he’d try to incorporate more nimbleness to his moves even though such a feat is kinda difficult when you can turn into rock. You gotta give him some credit tho- we all know he can be a little too opportunistic!! Just imagine him tripping all over himself because he wants to be nimble like you- that little blush on his face as he apologies for being a dummy- aww 💕💕

𖥸 Simply the king of casual dates. Sure, he’d love to spoil you with the stars and more, but he knows you like it calm- fr, you two are actually the cutest when it comes to staying up late and just messing around with no care in the world 💕 also, nature dates? Small picnics in the park?? I bet he’d love to go hiking with you. He likes to point out cool flowers or pretty weeds whenever you two are outside for even the shortest amount of time

𖥸 He loves watching horror movies with you.. even though they scare him a little bit LMAO- but just cuddling with you as your favorite movie plays in the background is simply heaven to him. Maybe you can turn him into a psychological horror buff!!

𖥸 He is also the king of words of affirmation~ the dude loves to remind you about how much you mean to him and how confident you make him feel within himself

You two really are couple goals imo 💕💕💕

𝐦𝐨𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡

Gahhh!! I was so excited to ship you with someone!! Thank you so much for requesting!! Also! Don’t worry about long bios in your matchup requests! The longer they are the more mod Ara and I can assess who’s best for you! Its definitely preferable. I hope you enjoy who I match you with. ^w^

𝐦𝐨𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 . . .

⠀

𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐨 !

runner-up : hanta sero

In my opinion, I feel that Mina is the perfect match for you!! First lets get some compatible basics out of the way. Like our good friend Kirishima above, Minas MBTI is also an ESFP (according to the personality database lol). As we know, ESFPs tend to be the most compatible with ISTJs. To add onto that, Mina just so happens to be a Leo!! Leos and Sagittarius's are often compared to soulmates and having a twin flame like connection! It’s a little scary how well you two fit each other, personality dynamics and all. Though you may have been cautious and quiet at first meet, Mina most likely pestered and wiggled her way into your life! She loves making new friends anyhow, and saw no issue in going out of her way to talk to you every chance she could. Now becoming your girlfriend later on would just be an added bonus for her! You better believe she finds your bravery admirable, it drives right up her alley. The two of you would make an absolute power couple, even a fan favorite!! Often, she’d make jokes or even play along with ones that you make in return, just to be able to hear your laughter. It fills her stomach with butterflies and she’s near falling apart at the seams with every melodic giggle. Get ready to be showered in compliments and praise, that’s this girls specialty, and she’d happily fluster you any day with her sickeningly sweet words. 

𖥸 Mina would probably ask you to spar with her a lot. Practicing new moves and quirk related techniques. God knows she loves staying active, and doing something she deems this fun with someone she loves. It makes the moment even more worth while. With your experience in gymnastics, you’d find that you’re able to run circles around this girl with your skill. Afterwards she’d probably offer a massage to ease any sore muscles. 

𖥸 Now as much as Mina would probably prefer a night on the town as a date, she would not think twice about choosing a secluded casual option for your comforts sake. Be that stargazing or even staying in to watch one of those horror films  that you love oh so much over popcorn and sodas. (She’s actually terrified of them, and has a weak stomach, but she’d never tell you that.) 

𖥸 Aimless car drives. Picture the sun setting, painting the sky in a soft pink and an orange hue flickering off of the distant buildings. Your preferred indie song blaring through the speaker while the two of you belt out the lyrics. Neither of you can hear each other over the sound of the wind rolling in through open windows, or how high she cranked the volume. You’ll definitely have to be the one to turn it back down, she can’t help but love loud music, even if the music wasn’t intended to be loud in the first place lol. 

𖥸 Don’t be surprised if she comes to you one day with a gift bag in hand. Every time she goes into a store she has to come out with something that reminds her of you. She’s not even aware of it either until you point it out. This could range from something as simple as your favorite drink to a giant teddy bear that she claimed resembled you. The possibilities are endless. 

𖥸 My word is she in love, infatuated even. That one night she caught you dancing about in the kitchen, probably making a late night snack, she couldn’t look away. In fact, she still thinks about it from time to time. How happy and carefree you looked lip-syncing the lyrics, in the silliest kinds of pjs you owned. She tried to sneak her way in, trying her best to not to make you jump in surprise, though she probably failed with how eager she actually zoomed in. Her love for dancing couldn’t go unnoticed here, oh no, not now. She brought you in close with a twirl under her arm, her smile the widest you’ve seen it. Her flirty nature, only for you, had her compliments laced with sugar and honey. Who knows how long the two of you spent dancing and goofing off to your playlist in that darned kitchen. 

Gosh the two of you make me squeal!! There’s absolutely no way you aren’t made for each other!  

𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫

𝐠𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭-𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐞 !

[haknew]

ah, thank you for sharing them 🥺 yeah i agree with you, at first i was considering not getting it since i wasn’t really a huge stan at the time, like i liked hak from pd101, and i swore to support him after he didn’t make it to final lineup. then kevin was the most relatable guy ever and i loved seeing his vids too + his talent?? like bro can not only dance and sing and do stuff like other stars but is so good at art?? i love his style; for fonts i adore it! it’s not like i don’t have the money, not super rich or whatever but i have a good about of saving from allowances and those lovely envelopes when i met family at special occasions but i’d rather invest it somewhere much more useful to me (practically speaking!) as for cobie, at the time i pulled him i was neutral about every other tbz member so i was just happy getting anyone! but in reveal era i got invested into them a lot more, and since i bias him now too i’m satisfied i pulled him back then hehe the customised ones look so so pretty i can get why you’d love to have them somewhere you can see clearly! also that little letter for hak on his bday 💞 it’s so well done and even though i don’t vibe much with these kind of journals/edits i really, really love this one! i feel like you’ve got so much kevin lol it’s good to see you kept such good care of them all, and no problem if they’re not aesthetic photos, i asked and you delivered which is what matters! i loved reading your thoughts and thank you for reminding me that being a fan doesn’t = having countless albums and pcs! i myself am someone who can write a whole story’s length when talking to people about things i’m passionate for so you’re good haha thank you once again, it was really nice seeing what you have and what you have to say about it all! i hope you have more opportunities to collect some stuff in the future if you’d still be doing it, otherwise like you said, a hobby should remain a hobby and not transform into a chore! so if you’re going to stop then you’re still no less of a haknewkevtbz stan❣️hope you’re having/will have a splendid day!

my reply is so long again i’m so sorry lmao under the cut for everyone’s sake jkdhdkfj 

i get that ;;;; i think for the longest time i didn’t want to buy albums, and that’s perfectly fine ! it really depends on the person ! in a practical sense it might not be the best spending decision if you’re not going to use the album etc. ^^ i think i eventually ended up doing so bc for me ? at least i tie albums / songs to memories or feelings in my life so having a physical ? copy of it is kind of like a souvenir of that time ^^ a sort of memory keeper :p kinda cheesy of me but it’s also why i’m having issues when it comes to thinking about selling anything >.< but yea it was just to have smth and support my favs :] so i get it ! you’re super valid ! and yea >.< that’s fair too :o if you don’t have too many extra funds makes sense you’d want to spend it on stuff you reeeeeally really want / need ! (also special envelopes ? o.o like red envelopes ?) also yes yes hakkev deserve the world :’)) that worked out so nicely for you tho then :o ! very glad you got to pull your bias ^~^ deserve cobi best bb u.u he is very precious ! 

andddd yea :o i h8 the idea of my pcs just collecting dust in my binder hhh ;;; so i try my best to put some on display ! makes me happie to see ^^ and ahhhh ! that journal spread ! i have a lil aes ig account where i post pics and i made that spread for haknyeon day to post (and tbh ! i suck at journal spreads and that was my first legitimate one ? and i think it turned out okay so i was very happy with it) ! it’s just a short letter haha :p i have too many stationery things from impulse purchases so it’s good to use it for something fun like that ^u^ 

djfhskjfhg okay in my defense ... i think i’ve pulled ... 5 ?!? kevin pcs from my albums T^T WHICH IS CRAZY bc i bias the guy fgdskjfhg h8 it here (but not really i love him for that ...) yea in my no air albums i pulled his pc and film and in dreamlike i pulled his day pc and in my chase albums i pulled threeeee of his pcs </3 truly he is obsessed x.x jdkfdj no but ! i think it’s bc of that ;;;; and i actually believe i have one more hak pc than kev pcs ;;;; but idk haven’t counted them HAHA so yea ;;;; i got really lucky and kev l*ves me or smth ;;;;; they are v precious to me :D so yea i try my best to keep them safe ^^ there’s a lot of collectors on yt that make videos about the best way to keep pcs so i’ve seen a lot of those too :o !

but yea this turned out super long again i’m sorry T-T ! glad you enjoyed reading that mess tho ;-;/ thank you for doing so ! but yea my attitude towards stanning is just ;;;; everyone has their own styles if you don’t want to buy albums you don’t have to ! it doesn’t make you any less of a fan nor does it mean you love / support them any less ! it’s just you support them in your own way ! and so people who do spend a bunch of money to get everything ? they’re valid ! and people who don’t ? they’re also still valid ^~^ ! hobbies are just that so u.u and thenk you thenk you T-T ! i think i’m in essence done (minus one chanhee pc i want lol) so we’ll see what the future brings haha :p i hope you have a wonderful week too ! <3 

[badbitchwhomeditates]

Who the fuck is this bitch?!

Read that again. 

The answer is complex, not simple, which is what complex means you dumb fuck ( beep language kiddo). Ok, lets try that again...

Bad Bitch Who Meditates, a 23 year old singer with dreams bigger than the world itself, which is both a good and a bad thing, we will get to the importance of duality later. Either way she´s been struck by lightning and pushed into a corner loads of times in an industry where you have to fight to be heard and seen through the smallest of cracks. And yes I might also speak about myself in third person a lot, simply because I'm practicing being the main character from all perspectives, telling my story but also making everyday feel like an adventurous movie ( therefore the narrator vibes help).

Complaining, complaning, victim mindset bla bla bla you might think, im not gonna bore you, you know that things can be quite shit and you’ve probably heard about the `struggling artist” and all of that before. 

 Lets spread some more negativity shall we ey? 

Maybe not that either, im just welcoming you in to my brain and my stream of consciousness on the journey of becoming or remaining? we shall see.

Im not gonna be here being all fairy lights and glitter in my eyes either, I am tho some days, but lately I’ve been bad, not a bitch cause I would never, slightly a bitch towards myself and I haven’t really done my meditation, its like the second I put down ” bad bitch who meditates, thats my slogan” in a song, I was like, cool its in a tune now so I’ve done the work I can relax. 

Nope, it doesn’t stop. 

Consistency in self care, healthy habits and your mental diet, the way you speak to yourself, it doesn’t stop. And its fkn annoying sometimes, especially when your chemical imbalance is so imbalanced that you don’t wanna get out of bed. Ive probably dealed with anxiety and depression since my debut on X-factor, oh yeah shit sorry, I have a name too, Im Awa and I won X-factor Sweden at 15 years old, completely changed my life like a marriage, for better or for worse. In that marriage I found myself, lost myself and now im kind of finding myself again...

Ok this is the part below where you get to knoooow me or something...

 I guess why I wanted to start blogging again is A) I need to hold myself accountable to remain consistent with my glow up, cause I can proudly say I’ve really done some amazing progress and inner work B) I need to continue doing that and find my healthy balance and not put too much pressure on myself, ya get me? C) maybe help take away the stigma regarding mental health, and I wanna focus on the solutions, thats my whole new life concept 10 % problems, 90 % solutions, like if we are discussing something thats the ratio. Cause how can we ever see a solution if we go slow dancing w the problem for ages? 

 I know it can feel fkn amazing and cozy, like when you’ve been in bed w someone thats clearly not good for your heartstrings but you stay there anyway because for right now it feels all warm and fuzzy. 

Oh silly girl, I mean forgiveness, forgiving other people and forgiving myself that is def something we are going to have to discuss as well, its one of the things I’ve tried to commit to this year. Ive come to the conclusion that its harder forgiving yourself after being too nice, theres only so much space on the scale for resentment, but you go to bed with you all the time and you beat yourself up on why you allowed that to happen? (Did that make any sense??) 

Again, another lesson, feedback that we can grow from. Mind management, one of my fav terms, mind over matter. Damn sure that can feel extremely provocative said in the wrong situation. Im gonna be honest on here, ill make an oath or whatever its called ( oh yeah im also Swedish so we will have communication problems here and there, but whatever, I call that acceptance) ill be honest, personal but not private cause I need to protect my energy. 

I would declare myself a self care queen but babe writing this, I just had a massive argument w my friend, that made me sad ( oh im a cry baby too, thats even the title of my EP lol), I hate conflict but im really trying so hard to stand up for myself and understand that my feelings are valid too and that uncomfortable situations are growing pains for our souls. I had my first panic attack in ages because this year is just shit and things that I’ve worked on for so long just crumbled down in front of me and I just felt like I was again taking two steps forward and one step back but at least we are moving. 

Im not all sad, I’ve rightfully so have had a few bad 72 hours I would say, I don’t like this time of the year that much.  But I know why, because I've been slacking w my routines, the ones we´ve carefully selected through trial and error inna real life and w my therapist ( she's real too but you get what im sayin) , it's ok not to be ok either but we have to put some kind of time limit on it so we don't sink into that deep hole again, i don't wanna go back there and I know what keeps me with my head above water and sometimes even frkn flying. We wanna stay consistent w the flying, that feels good, that's a goal now ok? Cause I used to fall into that trap of the deep hole until the pain of the known got far greater than the fear of the unknown. 

Im happy we are here today, because as I said 10/90, nothing last forever, good or bad, which is comforting. Things will get better and we hold so much more power in our minds and souls than we realize that ultimately will mirror how we experience life. So im going to be on here, at least once a week, my therapist tells me not to set up crazy goals that I know I might not do because then it will make me feel shit etc so once a week feels reasonable.

 Im open to suggestions about what we can chat about, ill share my 10/90, I want my clever friends to maybe drop a quote or blog here and there, Im good on camera, like vlogs or some shit. I probably wont bring you around all the time cause I don’t have the technological brain cells for that to be very honest with you. Maybe ill just come up with cute formats to the camera, thats a word you are going to hear a lot, ”format”, I have a concierge business w my friend Amy on the side of my music career called ” Pure Intuition”, basically we create events, formats and campaigns for brands and make them come true with the right profile etc and we create FORMATS, but if you missed it or if I was unclear Im a super cool singer signed to Columbia UK which was my childhood dream, so we are going to make Columbia our BITCH in 2021 hihi <3 <3. I studied economic entrepreneurship in college and im very business savvy, I love creating formats lol. Im slowly but surely building my fempire. What else, boys, I like boys, men, cute ” god spent some extra time on you”- looking boys, I mean men. I guess we will touch on that in the most anonymous manner, maybe ill just share some past flings cause you know, they’re in the past, passé. So yeah who the fuck is this bitch? you will find out alongside me, myself and I

get ready for the ride

love and light,

badbitchwhomeditates 

[daesungfmd]

hwang daesung + skateboarding! 

headcanon 5  /  wc: 955

daesung’s been skating since early 2014 (quick story: started skating because he saw skateboards on the set for impulse’s debut music video and suddenly decided He Wanted to Learn!), but his first year of major improvement didn’t come ‘til 2019 because impulse’s promotions finally slowed down that year (kind of) and he had more time to go fuck around at skateparks.

but not being ~good~ didn’t mean he took it any less seriously. the moment that he decided it was a hobby that he WASN’T going to drop within a month (shocking!), he started collecting boards and learning how to do his own set-ups, trying to learn abt the history of skating just ‘cause he was interested!

quickly became his second love after music <3 

has always looked for every opening to practice skating. brings his current favorite board w/ him when impulse goes on tour, practices in parking lots, goes street-skating when he can’t sleep at night, etc. obsessed with constant improvement

also likes skating whenever he can because it helps him NOT think!!! that shit is so rare for him, like... his mind moves a mile a minute and most of the time, it’s ~whatever~ but it’s nice to have something he can do that actually gives him some happy static in his brain for once!!!!!!

even though he’s been skating for seven years as of january 2021, most people (mainly fans) still think he’s really bad at it </3 fair enough because all behind the scenes footage of him fucking off with a board is JUST that. fucking off. looking like a fool. and he mainly posts his fails on his social media. but what ppl don’t understand is that you can be a good skater and still eat shit! if you’re pushing yourself, you’re gonna fall... that’s the fun of it. but he just lets his fans (and whoever else) tell him he sucks and that he’s a poser in the comments because it’s funny

shows off every once in a while if his pride is wearing thin

prefers alien workshop, evisen and santa cruz decks

doesn’t really have a fave skatepark? he switches it up pretty often to keep his fans from figuring out where he likes to hang out & he also likes to just go street-skating sometimes so he’s all over the place

honestly not that big of a deal because he blends in pretty well anyway! tends to wear hats (mainly bucket hats and safari hats) along with a facemask, so his face is covered well enough that no one’s gonna think he’s an idol?? even when it isn’t, he lets his hair grow out when he isn’t promoting, doesn’t rly shave unless he has to so the stubble comes out and doesn’t wear any makeup on off-days other than eyeliner so all of his flaws are out in the open </3 just looks like your average scruffy skater boy, esp when he’s hanging with other skaters

ofc he IS still an idol, though, and he DOES still have fans, so he’s been spotted quite a few times. usually really chill about it, will definitely sit and talk with fans if they agree to not go talking about it to everyone. will even skate w ‘em if they skate

what does daesung carry in his skate bag, you may wonder? too much shit, probably. skate tool, wax, extra parts, mini first-aid kit, headphones, portable charger, box cutter, snacks, money, extra clothes, towel, painkillers, shoe goo for quick repairs. used to shove a bunch of water bottles in there, too, but eventually realized it’s more convenient to lug around a 1gal jug of water that he can refill at fountains or... wherever. also used to carry spare shoelaces but now he wears his spare shoelaces as a belt LMAO

this mf makes friends so easily when he’s skating! super supportive, will help people with tricks if they ask or will just offer moral support. not the type to catch an attitude or rage-throw / break boards. just there for a good time

lies about his identity a lot RIP no hate to idols but sometimes he doesn’t wanna feel like one!!! “oh, my name?? i’m hyunwoo”

so sometimes he’ll go to a skatepark after Not going to that particular place for a while and people will be calling him by random ass names and he has no idea they’re speaking to him....... it’s ok tho he’s just an airhead

definitely the type to attempt tricks that he has little to no chance of landing and just do...... stupid things..... want to know what it’d be like to push a ramp up against that shed and drop in from the roof but don’t want to do it yourself??? daesung will!

as a result... he eats shit a lot. as i mentioned above, falling is a given, but he takes BAD falls simply because he’s impulsive and likes to take risks (+ wants to show off and is willing to try even if the chances are slim). always has some weird scrapes and bruises going on. acts like he doesn’t know why his joints hurt and then goes and acts like a crash test dummy in his free time

it’s really a wonder that he hasn’t gotten a bad injury yet

doesn’t usually listen to music when skating. has a lot of friends that he skates with and if he’s not with his friends, he’s usually at a public skatepark. the nice thing about the skater community is that they’re SUPER friendly people (usually) and they absolutely WILL talk to you (usually) if you’re giving the same vibes back out, so he likes to keep his ears open for communication

but sometimes the vibes are sour or he’s street-skating by himself, so here’s an idea of some of daesung’s favorite songs to skate to:

molly // mindless self indulgence  ·  oops! // yung gravy  ·  witapoke // kylof soze  ·  money machine // 100 gecs  ·  king // impulse  ·  like that // doja cat  ·  vacation // bambam, luga  ·  hot mess // cobra starship  ·  when i grow up // the pussycat dolls  ·  in the ayer // flo rida, will.i.am  ·  back foot // dinosaur pile-up  ·  burn it up // iamnot  ·  movinglikeazombie // ericdoa  ·  that’s rock ‘n’ roll // green day  ·  dragula // rob zombie  ·  aquaman // beenzino  ·  chanel // frank ocean  ·  noizy // sik-k  ·  blew // nirvana  ·  jealous // eyedress  ·  shake it off // taylor swift

[okayoonoh]

TAEYONG’S FAMILY

a/n: here is the third part!

i just sorted everything and there is a lot for me to do, but I’M DETERMINED!!!

anyway, i hope you guys like this! taeyong’s kids are pretty iconic imo :)

here’s the masterlist for all things nct dad related! 

LEE TAEYONG:

has two kids, 1 boy and 1 girl. lee youngchul is 8 years older than his little sister, lee youngmi.

LEE YOUNGCHUL: >> as a baby <<

you know how taeyong has big doe eyes?

yeah, that’s your son

he was even considerate to his parents

you and taeyong were very very stressed when you were raising youngchul

you and taeyong just had so much love for the little baby but like you were nervous bc he was your first baby

like most days, you guys were just fine

but on somedays, you and taeyong were just so stressed

because you guys weren’t used to the balance yet

the balance of baby, work, and celebrity life lol

but like on those days, youngchul would hold in his tears

you and taeyong didn’t notice it at this time

but when you had youngmi and everything was a little more chill

you realized that youngchul almost knew to take it easy on you two

his eyes are just so mesmerizing

like everyone in the group are entranced by his eyes

youngchul didn’t smile too often

but when he did, oh was it a treat

he was more on the shy and quiet side as a baby

he wasn’t super social, but he did like being around all of his uncles

he was really bad with strangers tho

like when all of the members met him, they went in cycles and youngchul was just not vibing with any of them

youngchul eventually warmed up to them tho!

he’s really generous and considerate with everything

like if he was playing with another baby (this is even before he could formulate words)

and someone would hand him a toy

youngchul will look at it for like a couple seconds

and then he’d give it right to his friend

just a really nice and considerate boy who kept it easy on you and taeyong’s beginner selves!

>> as a child <<

take all of the uwu’s that you and taeyong have combined and bam

you have youngchul

he is just the sweetest little thing in the whole universe

he’s so considerate of everyone and everything

he is a little shy, but when he’s around his family and friends, he’s just having fun

he’s a lot of fun to have around

he’s best friends with doyoung’s oldest son, kim minyoung (they’re born the same year)

they have the same dynamic as doyoung and taeyong tho

like they play fight, but they’re like brothers

youngchul is still the most considerate little bean tho

minyoung knows that youngchul doesn’t like strangers

so minyoung always makes sure that youngchul isn’t along when running errands, or just going outside

they’re like always hanging out together

they practically live at each others houses

like it got to the point where minyoung would sleepover at your and taeyong’s house, you guys got another bed

doyoung got another bed for youngchul too

they’re honestly just brothers at this point lol

anyway

around this age, youngchul started to learn that he loves to dance

youngchul has a hard time expressing a lot of his emotions

bc honestly, he’s full with so much anxiety

but he always saw his dad dancing growing up

and he learned quickly that he loved dancing too

he learned the dances to all of taeyong’s songs

taeyong is so proud of him

like taeyong LOVES to teach youngchul all of the dances too

youngchul’s favorite thing to do at this age is go to dance practices with his dad

and whenever there’s a break, youngchul is in the studio and he’s dancing

he’s honestly just a mini taeyong

you’re always so happy to see him dance with his dad

bc you can tell that youngchul is at his happiest when he dances

a lot of people want to be his friend

he’s shy, but he still knows how to greet and talk to people

if you’re lucky and you become his friend?

oh man, you’re set for life

he loves and he loves hard

if someone plays him?

ooh boy

you’re going to have to answer to all of his family

(oh yeah, i’m talking about all of nct and their kids)

he’s not super sure with what path he wants to go down

like if he just wants to be a dancer

or if he wants to go into a group

taeyong does his best to show him all of the options

he just makes you proud every single day 

he’s the type of kid to give you the biggest hug everyday he comes home from school

when he learned that he was going to be an older brother?

he was so happy

he was so excited to be an older brother

(youngchul and noah seo, johnny’s oldest son, are born the same year)

he’s watched noah take care of his younger siblings and he honestly wanted that?

like he’s so close to minyoung, but he wants a sibling that he can see everyday

he’s such a good older brother too

he’s just such a good kid :,)

>> as a teen/adult <<

ooh boy

he’s still really kind and considerate

he’s speaks in tiny like jungwoo

like even his whole aesthetic is just soft

he decided to become a choreographer

and like ooh boy

when he dances

it’s like taeyong’s nonexistent 3rd child

like his aesthetic is so soft

but then you get him in the studio or on stage?

it’s like

he’s a completely different person

like his duality is just????

he decided he didn’t want to join a group so he became a choreographer

and he’s just living his best life

okay

so like his exterior and aesthetic is all soft, right?

then one day, he kinda realized that he’s really skinny

now there’s nothing wrong with that

but he wants to do some stunts and stuff like that

but he’s having a hard time bc he’s so skinny

so, to solve this, he starts working out with noah

(this is when he’s like 16-17)

he told you and taeyong that he started going to the gym with noah

and y’all trusted him, especially if he was going with noah

so when he’d leave you guys were just like “okay, don’t hurt yourself.”

a couple months pass and it’s summertime

the families decide to take a trip to the beach or the waterpark or something

and like everyone remembers youngchul as just a skinny kid

but when he took off his shirt

everyone was shook

like he wore oversized clothing a lot, so everyone thought he was still skinny

oh, how wrong you were

dancing + noah’s gym = greek god

and, lo’ and behold, your son, lee youngchul

he shocked everyone so well

even taeil’s oldest daughter, moon yoojin, blushed

anD NOTHING EVER PHASES HER

noah felt a little betrayed

but like

youngchul doesn’t quite understand

he starts getting shy again but minyoung is hyping him up

anyway, everyone had a fun time regardless

he’s really good with kids

his goal is to open his own dance studio

he opens his own dance studio with ten’s oldest, kaleb

he works at dance studio as a choreographer

usually for the rookies and the newbies and the youngins

he’s the good cop

kaleb is the scary and bad cop

but in the end, their both sweethearts tbh

and he’s living his best life there

girls asks him out all of the time and he just gets so shy whenever they do

honestly and truly, if anyone wants a chance to be with him, you have to be his friend first

like if you just ask him out the second you meet him, he’ll say no

just because you’ll make him so shy he doesn’t know how to answer lol

he’s apart of the 1st gen of kids, so he’s also like an older brother to everyone

people don’t usually come to him for advice, but they’ll go to him if they want to rant

he’s really good at listening and providing adequate input

he’s pretty reliable too

oh, he’s really protective of the younger ones too

like he doesn’t like when he has to be intimidating

but he will if anyone hurts the younger ones

or his younger sister

he’s just a quiet but sincere boy who cares a great deal about his friends and family

LEE YOUNGMI >> as a baby <<

she was very active

like crawling everywhere

she started showing signs of loving music/dancing at this age

she was dancing before she could even sit up on her own lol

as a baby, she had big eyes like her brother did

she smiled more than youngchul did

but she did cry more than youngchul did

youngchul took care of her a lot at this age

he wanted to, dw

youngchul was just so happy to be an older brother

he had a hard time understanding that she could not understand him at al lol

anyway

one of the easiest ways to calm youngmi down when she was crying was to put on some music 

she occupies herself by dancing when you add music into the mix

she loved strangers

she was a lot more social than youngchul was

she was pretty talkative too

the second she could formulate a sentence, she did

whenever taeyong was on tour and she missed him

all you would do was put a dance practice or interview or something

on the tv and she would eat it up

as a baby, she could watch him for hours

her first word was “appa”

she’s such a daddy’s girl

taeyong has so much love for his daughter too

youngmi hated to be separated from taeyong tho

it got to the point to where taeyong started bringing her to work

the members didn’t mind in the slightest

like when youngchul was at school, youngmi would be at work with taeyong while you were at work as well

while taeyong was practicing with his group, the members from the other groups would take turns watching her 

she was pretty chill tho

she wouldn’t cause too much trouble

she’ll just wait patiently for her dad to be done

she loves you too tho, don’t get me wrong

like if your at home cooking food for her, she’s so intrigued

you’ll sit her on the counter and she’ll just enjoy watching you

she loves to give eskimo kisses 

(that’s when you rub your nose against someone else’s)

she’s honestly just a sweetheart <3

>> as a child <<

just like her older brother

she started dancing at this age

except, she also started getting interested in rapping at this age

she thinks female rappers are super cool

she’s also a daddy’s girl 

like taeyong loves his kids equally

but youngmi is really clingy with him lol

like youngchul, she wants to hangout with her dad as much as possible

in school, a lot of guys have crushes on her

she couldn’t care less lol

she’s best friends with johnny’s youngest daughter, luna seo, and ten’s youngest daughter, amarin leechaipornkul (aria)

they’re like the powerpuff girls

youngmi is buttercup

she’s kinda tough

she’s more like buttercup because she’s really active

she’s pretty good at sports and stuff

in the group, she’s the fun one

like she’s down to do anything and everything

she’s an adrenaline junkie

she’s just down to do whatever, whenever

but she’s more into dancing

like everyday

she learns from her brother

like she learns how to do a lot of hip hop and like strong moves from youngchul

so she breaks the stigma for girls doing just feminine moves

she’s really good at dancing too

like at a young age, she was already freestyling

she learns dances really easily too

like youngchul will explain things with counts like once or twice

and she’s already got it

she started learning how to write lyrics at this stage too

she knows that she wants to do something with music

but she wasn’t sure at this stage

she knows that she wants to have fun wherever she goes

she’s honestly just a fun individual

she’s adores everyone in her family

she thinks you’re amazing with everything you do

she thinks her brother is so cool and that he can do anything

and she thinks taeyong is simply the best dancer/rapper in the world

>> as a teen/adult <<

SHES SO PRETTY

she has a mix of yours and taeyong’s eyes

like she has your eye shape but has the sparkle that taeyong has

anyway

she becomes the main rapper and dancer for a girl group

she’s having a grand old time doing it all tho

she writes all of her own raps

she still asks taeyong for advice with certain things

but she’s pretty independent with a lot of her stuff

anyway

she has taeyong’s laugh

like how his laugh isn’t on the exhale, it’s on the inhale

she’s apart of the same group that luna seo is in (plot twist, aria is in this group too)

not only is she an amazing rapper, she has a really sweet singing voice too

she prefers rapping tho

her vibe isn’t soft/shy all the time

it’s like her stage presence

like she just gives off this energy that’s purely her

she’s one of the most real idols out there lol

she still looks up to her brother even tho she’s more well known then he is, technically

she’ll go and ask him for advice as to how to do this dance and stuff

she tries to set him up with other idols lol but he gets flustered every time

she’s pretty sassy tbh

like she comes up with a lot of comebacks really easily

she’s really funny too

her favorite types of jokes are dad jokes tho :/

she’s the leader of the group

she’s really good at speaking

she’s a really good leader like her dad

she doesn’t have a hard time in front of a camera at all

youngmi becomes famous because she’s really good at tracking the cameras

she doesn’t let her status get to her tho

she’s apart of one of the younger generations tho, so she’s not the big sister type

she is happy being the youngest in her family tho

youngmi has to deal with aria already lol

honestly, youngmi just makes all of you so proud

like she can spit bars

and she still comes home as often as she can

she’s a machine tho

she doesn’t stop working 

when she does stop, she just sleeps

she firmly believes that sleep is for the weak tho

she can eat her entire body weight, easily

she eats a lot

bc she burns so many calories dancing

but still

she can shock the world with how much she can eat

she’s a little awkward with little kids

she’s really good with people who are older than her

but like little ones?

she doesn’t know how to act around them lol

all in all, youngmi is an amazingly talented woman who makes you, taeyong, youngchul, and just the whole world, really proud

---

the power that youngchul and youngmi hold? crazy.

anyway, i hope you guys liked it!! yuta’s family is up next!!!

- amy <3

[petalsbloomed-a]

( OK OKK OK I JUST SAW IT PLS ALLOW ME TO SCREAM UNDER THE CUT SPOILERS FOR EP12 OBV )

1. it had a completely different vibe from all the other eps?? prolly cuz the course was like this purple ass cave thing??? omg that was intense and frightening to watch kajkdhfkjskhdfks

2. I SHIT YOU NOT WHEN LANGA’S DAD APPEARED I LIKE AAAAACTUALLY BURST INTO TEARS??? UGLY SOBS?????? LIKE I GET IT IT’S KIND OF A COMMON-ISH TROPE BUT I SHIT YOU NOT LIKE THAT SHIT REALLY GOT ME HELLA EMOTIONAL FOR SOME REASON. AND THEM SPEAKING ENGLISH TO EACH OTHER??? DESTROY ME. BURY ME IN THE GROUND TODAY

3. REKI AND LANGA FINISH YOUR DAMN SENTENCES CHALLENGE. “after the final...” WHAT?? AFTER THE FINAL WHAT MOTHERFUCKER???? HONESTLY

4. tbh part of me expected an adam redemption arc but like??? i wasn’t the biggest fan of it tbh. like that motherfucker has been caught on camera literally fucking assaulting minors and people he’s competing against like???? he needs to fucking go to jail. i don’t mean to get political but i don’t like prisons and i’m an atheist but there’s a special place in hell for fuckers like that like jfc

5. SHADOW DESERVES BETTER I FELT SO SORRY FOR HIM LIKE WTF HOW DARE YOU. #JUSTICEFORSHADOW2k21

6. i personally don’t think the ep was SUUUPER baity??? like i understand peeps who say it’s queerbait but honestly there’s waaaaaay too much queercoding into this shit. langa literally said he LIKED reki and at the end of the ep he said langa was his happiness, so i gotta be real the bro and not lover energy was a bit disappointing, but tbh this happens a lot in sports anime i’ve heard.

7. THAT HUG WAS A GODDAMN GAY HUG IF I’VE EVER SEEN ONE HOLY FUCK. LANGA LITERALLY JUMPING INTO REKI’S ARMS AND BOWLING HIM TO THE GROUND WAS E V E R Y T H I N G I’VE EVER WISHED FOR IN MY FUCKING LIFE. THAT SHIT WAS CUTE AND DID THINGS TO MY HEART LIKE MY GOD.

8. last thing: i think the series is good with just one season, i don’t think we really NEED a second, but i’d be totally cool with one or more drama cd’s/extras/etc like they did with free

so yeah. those are basically my thoughts on the ep. i have too many feelings right now. i’m like fulfilled, disappointed, sad, a lot of things all at once. i will CHOOSE not to be productive for the rest of the day and likely all day tomorrow as well bc of this emotional-ass shit man. will my music theory homework get done? NOPE. will i do video observation hours for my 100 hours due at the end of the month even tho i’m only halfway there? NOPE. will i do any practicing? NOPE. will i get through the requests i got on my writing blog? NOPE. head empty but renga and this goddamn series live there rent-free.

also, now that i’ve gotten through that wave of excitement/anxiety/whatever the fuck that pre-episode emotional train was i can finally eat dinner bc my appetite is actually back and she’s here to stay.

so yeah i’m gonna go and listen the pain away with these four songs i found last night. oh and some movie soundtracks as well. also feel free to send me asks/dms/etc to scream with me i’d be more than happy to. uwu

[heyyylittlemo]

Ask game

1. Where did you hide the body??

Me: *pause* No, where did you hide the body—

*police stare at me with disbelief*

Me: there’s no—there’s not a single body here—well stop looking at me like that, you’re the cop! You should know! Why are you asking me for! Body? Whaaaaaat. Ahaha.

*cops shake head*

*whispers to my friend* Guys I think I pulled that one off

Police: you know we can hear everything you’re saying

me: 👁👄👁

2. Favorite rock? The 1975. Dominic Fike. Arctic Monkeys. Bad Suns. The killers. Pale Waves. Etc. That good good shit 👌

3. Most aesthetic season? Fall. Love them orange colors. The leaves falling. Though spring is also neat if you have a bunch of flowers bloomin in shit and winter is only aesthetic when it’s snowing. Boring ass summer tho just be heating me up.

4. When texting do u shorten words or spell out? I used to write stuff out all the time mostly but now it’s like half and half bcuz its just faster and nobody got time for it 🤣🤣

5. Vintage stuff? Hell yeah, but maybe not anything too expensive since some old stuff IS hyper expensive.

6. Colors that pop or blend? Not sure I understand what u mean abt them blending ahaha u mean like when they’re so similar to another?? Well I think it’s nice but honestly I prefer a pop and a bang, y’Know?

- At this moment I realized I was answering the last few questions from a completely different ask and felt like a dumbass 😂 anyways the actual number we’re on is three so imma just kickback

3. Worst dream u have ever had? I had sleep paralysis but was imbetween that and a lucid dream. At first I was paralyzed and could see my bed but my eyes felt closed and open at the same time?? A giant dark demon looking dog had towered over me and began to tear at my neck. It looked and felt very real I started to try to scream and it felt like a scream was coming out but no sound exited. Then I went into a lucid dream where I was being chased by this dog and running for my life I was running by and nobody could save me nobody in the dream when it caught up to me I was back in my bed and it was trying to eat me again. I was so terrified I couldn’t sleep for a whole week.

4. Lyric that comes to your mind? “And I don’t think I can be there. I’m paralyzed,I’m terrified of being alone. When you said I deserved what had happened.”

5. Blood make u uncomfortable? Yes, I passed out once when getting my finger pricked and a VERY small blood sample and another when dissecting a fish.

6. Even or odd numbers? Well I like the number 5,7,9, 3 so odd. (Like me 🤣🤣)

7. Something I hate that I love? Anything I’ve ever loved becuz love can be frustrating. Bruh.

8. 1st initial of someone I hate? Hmm...do I hate someone tho? Not that I can think of...

9. *Skipping down the lane* NOPE

10. Corn dogs? It’s funny cuz when I think of corn dogs my mind will always go to when we first moved to our current house because at our initial town we never had Sonic and while we were getting the house fixed up and moving stuff we use to always get Sonic since it was the closest to us most times to eat and that was a bunch of corn dogs and hotdog days 🤣 so thnk u corn dogs for ur service

11. I’m not a huge movie person so...I looked up movies from 2005 and movies Inlike from this time are Brokeback mountain bcuz it’s gay af, Shark Boy and Lava Girl damn I rewatched the shot out of it when I was younger, Narnia and the Chocolate Factory(although it low key creeped me out as a kid, and idk why).

12. Least fav music genre? Most country, most EDM, dubstep, screaming/really hard rock, some pop music, mumble raping.

13. As someone who waits on tables, my job is my least favorite restaurant experience 🤣🤣 just dealing with ppl...like ok, I’m half Hispanic right?? But I look white. Well, I work at a Mexican restaurant and so sometimes racist costumers will say shady shit just bcuz I guess they think it’s appropriate to say it to me just bcuz I’m not Hispanic in their eyes?? But it pisses me off and I feel like I can’t say anything without causing a drama which I hate and when the “costumers always right” it can be hard to budge and stand up and say “bitch wtf did u just say??” And there’s just folks who take things the wrong ways or ask too much at once or give u a hard time or just say something that sticks onto you for the whole day. One bad move can turn my whole day upside down.

14. 3 things never come near me? Cockroaches, Needles, and close mind ppl

15. Worst way to die? With regrets. Something really brutual, random, or where something just happened to go wrong (accident). Being killed by someone u love.

16. Unusual habits? Doing a Michael Jackson esque “hee-hee” after every sneeze I make, being extremely clumsy and making every task 100% more difficult, having the ability to talk as if I have an accent that comes from nowhere in particular just stupidity also I can’t speak my own language half the time 🙃getting words confused or misusing them in a sentence so I sound dumb having a very weird imagination and thoughts, I swear it like I never went to school and don’t know how the world works, plus many many more

17. Clothing style u want? I want to dress in a way that screams who I am and is a blend of both femininity and masculinity. A little vintage. Grunge. Urban maybe?? What do I know abt fashion 🤣🤣

18. Song or artist that deserves more? Dijon, hands down. I love his stuff. He’s like Frank Ocean meets light-singing beautiful lyricist with a more rock vibe?? Hidden gem. I also think Durand Jones & the Indications needs more love along with BadBadNotGood they sound like old-times but are new!! Oh, and Pale Waves is like a female The 1975 and kicks it. Bad Suns is a good alt rock band that no one seems to recognize :,D Toro y Moi too! His song with Flume “The difference “ is a banger!! Kid Cudi is my man when I want a blend of rock and rap. Also Dominic Fike,King Krule, and Roy Blair, who are all amazing!! Ok I need to stop 🛑

Duck I answered the past questions from a different post I’m sorry 😐

17. Emoji never used? There’s a bunch since I reuse the same over and over again. Lmao

18. 3 sentence Gatorade horror story? A faint quiver overtook the small freezer the Gatorade lay in; no one had come by in days, hours, weeks; when was the last time he met the lips of a thirsty body? They’d forgotten about him, as his last sips remained glued to his hollowing entrance. ‘Help, ‘it wanted to say, but it’s frozen lips could not be moved; It’d stay here, die here...just like the rest.” What am I doing with my life 🤣🙏

19. Do u know what an old bay is? A bay that is old? And old ocean? Idk!!!

20. Can u dance? Sometimes I dance when I’m alone but nothing spectral lol

21. What first comes to ur mind when u see ropes? 2 extremes. Sex and death. Hm. Ok. Moving on.

22. Make an obscure reference. “Even a bra couldn’t hold these nipples” *Holds a water gun to chest*

23. Fav balloon color? Pink or yellow.

24. If u were in court would u be innocent or guilty? Depends, what am I in court for 🤣 lmao jk honestly idk bcuz I don’t think I’d wind up in there

25. Are u hungry ? Nope

26. Unlucky number? Hm I don’t think so but I have a lucky number “123”

27. What’s “JMD”stand for? I’m guessing...Jamming my d—- 💀lol jk ahaha why am so dirt

28. Random inside joke? *chirpy squeak* I’m making a double batch of cookies

29. What sends chills up ur spine? Seeing disgust food or smell disgust or talking abt disgust things like gore

30. How many questions are in ur inbox? A pathetic zero ahaha no one want to ask me anything 😂

31. Someone real who scares u. 2 of my ex friends. One when I was 10 said disturbing things and I was kinda forced onto the friendship and everything they said make me fear for others lives...and then a different ex friend who seemed normal at 1st but became both low key psychopath cult leader type stuff and I booed out of there—-.

32. Run or hide? Uhh probably hide because I’d say even if ppl say “u can run but u can’t hide” u CAN just hide! that’s the point of hiding they not find u xD also why not combine them? Hide then run somewhere far away once I got them off the trial.

33. Last person who made u angry? A frickin beetle that flew at me and pinched me in the middle of singing in the shed xD also my autocorrect

34. What’s going on in ur head? I should probably pee soon—

35. Little thing that makes u Smile? A lot of little things bruh.

36. Are u a descisive person?

Not sure.

*pAuse *

Ok, I guess I’m not then 🤣

37. Would ppl say I’m paranoid? Hm maybe about certain things social situations, singing in front of others what ppl think abt me etc etc

38. Store least likely in? Any southern clothes shop, Abercrombie & Finch types shit, lol

39. Do I like hats fave type? Hm not wear many hats but I think they’re cool any type is cool for different ppl and their aesthetici just can’t rock a hat.

40. Bow ties or ties? Don’t really care but now want to see more bow ties

41. Who? You.

42. What? Reading this shit

43. Where? In ur ass

44. When? Now.

45. Why? Not even u know why.

46. How? We all want to know

47. Do u collect anything? Vinyl records.

48. What tome is it? Time to get a watch

49. Fav transportation? My car or walk is possible

50. Would u ever kill someone to save someone? Don’t want to think about that

51. Make a joke. Yo, it’s time to make a joke—so the other day I was working. And I was practicing my Spanish, yes? Anyone whose trying to learn anew language k n o w s that sometimes words can be so close to another u just confuse then! So apparently churros in Spanish is a desert but if u say it more harshly (it literally sounds almost the same) it makes a whole different meaning—diharrea, but like I didn’t know that so I legit just walked up to this person and asked if they would like some shit to eat. So yeah, that was great. Let’s not forget that I mixed up blood, watermelon, and sangria which is a wine. I legit once said I had mixed wine in my vines and another time watermelon 🤣

52. I’m really confused so I skip

53. Would ur dash be confiscated SFW? By dash do u mean this account? Um not 😬

54. Do I like to cuddle? Hell yeah and manhandle ppl all the time it’s my affection

55. What makes u angry? Close minded ppl or ppl who jump too fast to conclusions, strict schedules just dumb stuff that people try to force when I just want to be carefree 😭✌️

56. How many voices are in ur head? 😐

57. Do U consider urself mentally stable? 😐

58. Are u easily offended? Well U just called me mentally unstable and asked it there was voices in my head!!

59. What’s wrong with taking the backstreets? Uhm...

60. Any questions u want ppl to ask u? Nothing in particular but it’s be nice if someone care to ask me something abt me from personal question to my opinions on shit to 19 days fandom related junk 😌

Woooo I’ve finished this game! Thanks to @seiji-amasawa for introducing me to this ^^

[kazamastar]

Welcome to 2021

Ver. 2.1 - Ok. February but still, here we are. “Behold it’s me” as Logic would say. [...] I’m sorry I’m a bit shook because I started to write at 10:01AM, and it’s precisely 12:07AM, I was progressing pretty well in the process of writting and then I made a bad move and lost everything I wrote. I’m kinda mad. Really, I was this 👌 close to give up on writting it, and you can notice that the pixels are touching. But I guess the “I said I’d do it, so I’m going to do it” mentality is taking me places, once again. Even if I have to start again (that's called mental strength, take notes). And I said I’d write it baked so here I am, baked and hella motivated to do it. So, W shouldn’t help me reminding me what I wrote in the first version but nevermind. So I guess I'll put the most things I remember. I can tell there were good ideas ! I'll take this occasion to remind everyone the concept of these posts but first we will recap numbers of this year (well, more or less accurate for 2020 as I'm writting one month late) (and I'll fucking stop writting on the tumblr site and switch to OpenOffice so my next words are not lost again). 637 Nakamas (thank y'all for being here, even if I post 12847 times in a row. You're the best). 3609 posts and 23 376 likes. (109 drafts : lol it's less than a few weeks ago)

Pic : Plot twist 2. No more smile, but the return of the bowtie. (aka « The 4 days late suit » aka « I'm old enough to know better »)

The choice of this picture was so simple. Or maybe I should have chosen the one with the mustache only I took during lockdown ? Ahah. But … this picture could almost resume the year on its own. If I'd describe it in depth and explain the context, I could review 70% of the events that happened this year (and I think I'll go for that later, interesting exercise).

So. First let me explain the goal of these sums up. Each « Welcome to XXXX » is a resume, a sum up of the year XXXX-1. I write these for me, it's a funny way to keep track of all these years. I try to describe more or less precisely what happened during the year. I allow myself to be more or less precise because I firstly write these for me. And sometimes these posts tend to be long. Especially this one. It's gonna be sooo long. Like, idk maybe highlight this line and take a few seconds to scroll down and see how looooong it is. Kinda discouraging isn't it ? Lucky you it won't go on forever though as today, as I'm writting that it's 12:23PM and I'll have to be gone at 4 or 5PM. But I think contraints make art, even if I don't like to write under any kind of pressure. But I'm determined to do it in one take. So in these posts I also write about the TV Shows, manga, anime, movies I've seen/read. Even books, as I finally had the chance to read « Le Petit Prince » this year. We all know we had time this year, don't we ? And at the end, I post a 12 songs playlist (+ songs that I discovered this year that also are going to remind me of the year). We can roughly say it's « 1 song/1 month » but it's not always true. These songs are songs I like a lot, like really (but not necessarily my favorite) but above all, they remind me of the year I'm resuming (it can also be older songs). I also post my top 3 albums of the year. I'm thinking also of detailing my choices of playlist. Maybe not explaining all of them but a few. [12:36PM. And I'm already hungry.] On the 1st try I remember I talked about the TV shows I saw. I forgot to mention it but I write in English for a few reasons. First is : it helps me exercising my English. For me, it's the most beautiful langage to talk and it's a good occasion to do so. And then I actually enjoy writting in English. And it prevents unwanted people who don't master English to read all that (as it is pretty intimate). But joke's on me, I'm conscious the people I'd like to keep away from reading this all master English, and even better than me for some of them. (It surely is the case for 27 at least, even though we all know she still won't read this lol). Yes, I never drop names in these sum ups. Or at least, some names are blacklisted. I always chose a number to nominate them they would normally recognize themselves. So, talking about English, I've seen « Emily in Paris » on Netflix. It may surprize you but I'm very interested in dubbing. French dubbing is amazing. For example I bought « Spiderman » on PS4 this year and the french voice is the same voice actor as in the « Amazing Spider-Man » (yes the one with Andrew Garfield). (UNPOPULAR OPINION : Andrew Garfield actually is the best spiderman. Or at least the one I prefer and by far). Emily in Paris is funny because I watched it in English and it kinda disturbed me that it took place in Paris but everybody spoke English. On the other hand, if you watch it in French, langages people are talking become logical (French people speak french) but you'll have to deal with the DEADLY ANNOYING French voice of Emily. And her accent. I think I just watched 1 or 2 episodes like that, I couldn't take more ?. If you have time you should take 5 seconds to listen to what I'm talking about. But it was quite a good show. It was so fun to see these streets I've been visiting for so long in a Netflix show. By the way, I think it's easy to say that I'm missing Paris so much. But not only for the tourism, but most and foremost for the competitions. Before being a tourist I was a competitor there. So, I'm missing Paris but I'm also missing karate competitions. And also just karate. I haven't stepped on a tatami for 3 weeks and it still seems like it won't get better, and we all know why. I'm curious if I could talk about this year without mentioning a very famous virus but I think it's just impossible. But this virus gave me a lot of time in March and April. Maybe less in November tho. I could finally finish The Walking Dead, which last seasons were surprisingly good. And it was so fun to watch the reactions of people on Youtube [#]. Talking about karate competitions, I also watched Cobra Kai ! What an amazing job they did there. Adding more depth to the first movie, it's funny to change perspective and see that the Daniel we were rooting for wasn't that much of a « perfect good guy » we saw (I'm not talking about the kick in the face etc). It's also funny to notice I kinda went fro Daniel to Johnny lol. But having a Netflix show talking about martial arts and value they teach to their students ? It was perfect, even more when you see that some of my students also saw it so when we were training I was refering to it they almost all got it. And it's also funny to see that it's not as Manichean as the 1st movie was. It's a 9/10 for me. If I read the last sum up right, I said : « This year 2020 I really need to watch Kimetsu no yaiba, Jojo, Violet evergarden, Gintama and i have to keep ready 7 deadly sins. » So : Kimetsu no Yaiba was dope. The anime was beautiful and the manga was very entertaining. Not a top tier manga but definitively a good one. Jojo's anime was cool but too long. I stopped after season 2 or 3 I guess ? Violet Evergarden was TRASH (and very bad for a date, if you ask me) and I didn't take time to explore the 2 others. I also saw : Assassination classroom (5/10, i couldn't finish it so i skipped directly to the last episode, was as moving as people said), Validé (8/10, with an insane final episode), No Game No Life (8,5/10, i loved it), Freaks and Geeks (7,5 but i didn't finish it, I really like the old school vibe), Code geass (7/10, great anime and great opening). I finally discovered Community and it was worth it. What a funny show. And what a pleasure to see Mr Donald Glover on screen. Makes me think that I need to watch Atlanta again. The problem with Community is the last seasons broke the 4th wall too much for me, it became painful to watch. But the 3 or 4 seasons are crazy. Another show that was even more funny : IT Crowd. I finally had the chance to see the episode of « I came here to drink milk and kick ass, and I just finished my milk ». This show is a 9,25/10. Grand Army was also a great show of 2020. Dom is an amazing character (but I already said it). Kengan Ashura was also so cool ! I think it's what Baki would have liked to become. This year I also started to watch « American horror Story » again (alone and not alone). These last seasons were awesome. I also converted Elodi to «my hero academia », it was so cool to share that. Other things I saw : SAO S4 (AMAZING, SO BEAUTIFUL), Erased, SNK Last season) ; The Mandalorian, 24's 9th season.« Queen's gambit » have been one of the greatest show I've seen this year. And I really want to say that I played chess before the show came out (add me on Lichess if you want to play with me. Same username. I'm not strong -about 1000 ELO I guess- but I'm always happy to play and learn). If you want a precise idea of my level, on the chess.com app, I can beat Emir 🇹🇷 (1000 ELO) often but I didn't win once against Sven 🇸🇰 (who is ~1100 ELO). I'm so happy talking about all these lengthen the post even more. Kinda satisfying. But I could also talk about Tekken and chess this year. I think I have a thing with dueling sports. I'm a Karate competitor, I love Tekken and I like chess. I guess someone has something to prove haha. But come on, chess is incredible. For the 1st lockdown, I was just playing (not alone) but I wanted to make progress just by practicing. And that's how I got BB 5 or 7 (yes, it means Beat By = my number of loss in a row). But at the end of the 2nd lockdown I finally allowed myself to study a little more, thanks to Youtube (once again). This is SO INTERESTING. Like the strategies, the top players. French content creators are fun but I like american ones more. Eric Rosen is my favourite. He's always calm, he often finds solutions. GothamChess is also very entertaining. You can say by how he talks he has been a teacher. He's great. So, once again on some shonen shit, I started studying more. Mid December, a kid beat me 2 times in a row. He's a smart kid, I like him. He didn't brag or anything. And then, during Christmas Holidays I spent 2 or 3 hours a day watching chess videos. I guess he hasn't been able to beat me since then haha. By the way I should play with him later on today. Playing chess is a way for me to make sure my brain doesn't let me down, like gym for the brain. At least, it's what I thought when I started but I quickly discovered that it's a game of patterns recognizing, so memory is really challenged here. I mean, in the middlegame you have to be smart to get by but at the beginning and ending … you have to know your openings. I have also thought of joining a club but I don't know if chess communities are benevolent. I also noticed that high ranked players seem to have strong personalities. And then for Tekken (yes, 3 years and a half later I'm still on this game) I'm still making progress. In March, someone made me want to play Heihachi. What a funny character. Not top tier, but fun. Leroy Smith is also fun to play. There was no offline tournament but I won one, the 1st organized by Tekken Toulouse and finished 5th at the second. It's funny to live that level of stress straight from my bed. Usually, that kind of stress making my whole body trembling is usually found nearby tatamis of Karate competitons. (Yes, these Tekken tournaments make me stressful and that's the reason I can't play Jin in tournaments). But Eddy is still a sure value. Still progressing in movement, and whiff punishing. Mishimas are getting more consistent on electrics but it's not perfect. By the way, if you love fighting games and Bruce Lee, there's a video you need to see (whoever you are) : [#]. If you're really interested in these topics, you should appreciate this video as much as I did [2:10 PM. I have eaten, but now I have the feeling that I'm late.] Btw I don't skip line to add some « length » effect. Once again I'm sorry if making it until here was painful to read, but I need to make this paragraph the least attractive I can. This line I'm writting is almost on the 3rd page of OpenOffice. And I try to avoid using emojis, so there's just text. Tout dans le fond, pas de forme. Also, congratulations for making it until here, you must be very motivated. I'm writting slowly because it's the 1st time I write this by daytime, and I swear at the begining people were harassing me ahah. It's fun because the sum up of 2019 was so short. Just with its form, you can tell how 2019 have been peaceful. I don't remember if I talked about it already but a disaster could have happened in September/October 2019. But karate kept my mind busy so the worst have been avoided. Time spent on the tatamis kept me away from overthinking about my problems. And that was a good strategy indeed. Because in 2020 it wasn't the same. If we count right. Dojos were opened in January, February, 1st half of march, reopened in September and october, closed on november and opened in December (Mon Dieu quel … CASSE-TEX hahaha merci c'est tout pour moi). It was a weird karate year. Today is the 1 year anniversary of my last competition. During the 1st lockdown, I had litteraly no desire to train. Some of you know why. But let's talk a bit more about COVID and lockdowns. The most important thing is that I didn't spent the 1st lonely. This was the most challenging time of my life, but I can say that I made it thanks to 0808 so I'm eternally grateful for that. So, if we recap months by months : January was a funny month. One thing that I thought a miracle happened (until I found out months later what a real miracle was). I also almost went into a brawl. I guess this weird ass month set the tone for the 11 months to follow. February … was one of the calmest month. I had an awesome dojo session in Balma with 0808 in February. I think there were a lot of beautiful sunsets this month. Guess our weather power was at its peak. These 3 1st months of 2020 had a lot of trainings, even if I was injured due to kumite. March and April are kinda the same for me. I won't talking long about these but I'd simply say that I'm glad that I hadn't to write to 27. So, the Miracle happened by mid April. Mid april to mid may, it was cool. We were at home but … the weather was nice, I was doing sport everyday (but no real karate trainings) and I could keep this rythm of exercising until … Half July, which is good. It's the first time in my life I'm that consistent in doing sports at home. From mid may, I started to train with Coach O. on a weekly basis. It was incredible. These days were still bliss in my mind. I was there, no « real problems » in mind, I wasn't alone, I was making progress physically … It was really great. And from mi may to end of July, it kept getting better.Indeed, I fell in love again in January and it was getting stronger by the months. It's been a while I haven't fell this hard for someone. But she gave it back to me nicely. And then … Mala suerte 3.0. This point of the sum up is funny because I do remember when I talked about mala suerte in the other sum ups. I do realize how it's always the same thing when I write those : « 1st part of the year is cool, then not cool, then cool again but in a weird way because I have insane difficulties to repair broken parts of me » but hey. This time it's not my fault. It makes me realize how cyclic all this is. So, August, September and October have been terrible and chaotic months. A level of sadness rarely reached until there. Maybe comparable to September 2018. A high level of anger also. But still, with rare occasions to train, so no occasions to let go off steam. In fact, let's talk a bit about this anger. I've always took a lot of pride in the fact that I could most of the time remain calm in a lot of situations. Plus, being patient isn't something natural but … I learned to be through the years. I was so surprised to notice how angry I became … It simply wasn't me. But the reason is simple : I really think karate brings me balance in life, on a lot of levels (and it concerns me a lot for when I'll stop competing one day …). But I realized it so I'm working on it. In 2020, I led a lot of fights, sometimes I won and often I lost, but I also avoided a lot of them. One of the reasons I think I'm not ready to be a good partner is first I think I'm too angry. I don't think I could be mean to my partner but … I think I could be annoying to deal with. But mainly, I'm not ready to better myself now. To find the good partner, you need to become a good partner first, and this is precisely what I'm not ready to become. Despite being not perfect, I'm fine that way and I know how far from perfect I'm right now. But nevermind. This is the kind of state of mind you can't afford when you're in a relationship. I'm not saying you need to change to fit your partner's ideals. But if you notice something's wrong in your behaviour/habits and don't want to correct it, you might be a bad partner (but I could be wrong, I'm not a couple therapist lol).

Oh. And that's the moment I can describe my photo to tell the story differently. So this shot was taken precisely on Sunday, 4th of October. 1302 got confirmed so we had to go to the Temple du Salin. I went there with my father and he decided to rock a bowtie so I wanted to match him. It was so fun. That was the first time we stepped in a church after « all these events ». It was a strong moment for me. So, this picture (taken by me, thank you tripod) was taken 4 days after I « took a gamble ». I took a lot of gambles this year. One memorable gamble that lead to beautiful pictures of Toulouse was on August 27th (lol). This was after our breakup. I gave her an adress and an hour, and I hopped she would come. She never came so this was a lost gamble. (So I had a great time watching « Back to the future » outdoors, on a big movie screen, but I was alone). But this time was different. I did suppose she would be at one place on a certain day at the end of September. And I gambled right because she was there. And even if the context was so particular, I can tell we had a great time. I was so ready that I put on my best white shirt, because I knew she kinda liked it. I was there to win her back but I simply failed. Guess the shirt wasn't enough. So it was funny to wear the full suit 4 days later, I was like « Dude, nice effort but it's too late  lol» (plus the Temple du Salin is on the other side of the closest bridge from her home) but I still hopped to cross her road on that day. Oh and as we're analyzing this picture, I really like the bokeh on the autmun-colored leaves. I had the luck to have a very sweet light when I took these pictures. And the post processing was really funny. I have a lot of versions of this picture indeed. But all these colors in the background always make me think of a quote I love :  « Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go » and this quote is so damn right. I discovered this year that I have difficulties to let things go. The thing is I hate injustice. I hate to see things that litteraly belong to me, things I deserve, simply run away from me. Sometimes I'm telling myself it's just my karma making me pay for all the شيطان I've done in the past. But other times I just try to convince myself to let go. It's been the 2nd most challenging thing this year. These levels of depression have never been reached before. But still, here I am. But not stronger than before. I had this conversation a few weeks ago about « what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ». To support this idea, some people might evoke the principle of « Kintsugi » as an example. But I strongly disagree about the first statement. I'm not a goddamn bowl. I take the example of my lower belly scar : it didn't kill me but it didn't get stronger either. That's the exact opposite indeed. Sometimes it still hurts even though it's been done 12 years ago (the last time it hurt was this night, almost stopping me from finding sleep). It's a personal opinion but what didn't kill me made me weaker. And I'm not just talking about physical injuries. Losing the ability to trust after all these events isn't what I'd call « getting stronger », even though « I didn't do anything wrong ». That's an expensive price. Bref. I think you can overcompensate with something else but the damaged parts may stay weak after. [3:03 PM. So I have about 1 hour to finish it. Easy.] There's one thing I wanted to talk about in this sum up, related to the fact of « being strong ». I read Blach again (you can tell by my december posts) and I started with the lost agent arc, followed by the TYBW arc. There's 2 things about it : its poetry, through the words and the drawings will always amaze me (it amazed me even if it’s the 2nd time I’me reading it), and the 2nd thing : I love how Ichigo become stronger. He lost his Shinigami powers but then found his Fullbring powers. And that is very important because he becomes strong again, but it's a different kind of strong and I LOVE THIS. It's like in real life. I was very strong in June 2012 (videos as proof), but it's not the same strong as in July 2017 or April/November 2018. June and July 2020 have been a different kind of strong. Not that I gained 10 kgs in 2 months (unfortunately) but I was exercising daily. I was getting my body ready for the supposed heavenly month of August that was awaiting me (us). Unfortunately there was no videos of karate at this period (but I made some in september!) but I was feeling great physically. In fact. This May/June/July 2020 period could be considered as “bliss” for me. Of course there was some background problems but ... Mentally I was getting back on my feet, I was deeply in love, physically pretty feeling myself. Plus on the 1st half of July i could go back to the tatamis ... I swear this level of peace and life appreciation have rarely been reached before. Well, this concept of getting stronger differently is almost obsessing me for a simple reason : I'm feeling like I'm getting older. 27 is a weird age for competing in karate. If I look back, I realize I'm older than William when he stopped (it's his birthday tomorrow!!). Also older than Zak, Teddy and so on. I guess I'll never be physically like 10 or 5 years ago but I'm really asking myself if I can be better. But as seen as the pains I go through after the trainings … It's going to be complicated. Plus I did my body wrong this year. There was pain in mars, april, august, september, october, november and december. I tried a lot of things to make it go. I tried to smoke it, i tried to sleep it, i tried to drink it also. I tried to fuck it of course but none of these things worked. But can we consider I won if only my cock still works ? Compared to 2018 : yes it is a win. And at least when I'm with someone, that makes less time crying and overthinking shit. Anyway, I also tried to smoke it really hard. And that's an habit I'll have trouble to let go but nvmd. Still, one of my 2021 resolutions is to smoke less. Also, I took a funny resolution that is : « I'm not accepting defeat this year ». And I realized only a few days after taking it how hard it will be. I'm not dumb, when defeat is unavoidable, I'll just take it. But I decided to be a real Scorpio and be more stubborn than ever. We can say it's above all pride. Same pride as Vegeta, Bakugo or even Endeavour. Really touched me when Bakugo talked about « Absolute victory ». Sometimes I find myself too soft. I'm not going to become an awful person (or at least, not more awful than I am right now). I'll still be kind … But I'll go get the victories I deserve a little harder. Talking about my age, I'm a bit deceived I have no close old friends to share the memories. Every one is kinda gone. Sometimes it's my fault, and sometimes it's just people who are shit but life's like this. Also, every year I try to think of my best encounter of the year. It's kinda hard because sometimes, you meet someone a few years earlier but you really get to know each other later etc … So I'm not clear if this should count only people met this year or simply the people I've spent the best times with. Because I received a curious message this summer and my God. What a luck she took the chance to write me. We realized a few days ago we were in the same class in 10th grade (2nde) (we saw the class picture, what a laughter we had). We get along so well. And it's the proof that 2nd chances deserve to be given. I swear that I also lost some important people this year. But I'm not fighting to get people back anymore. I've done it too much and I'm simply done. People need to realize it's a luck to be in my life. I have my ways but you'll hardly find a friend that's patient and kind as I am. But nevermind, it always makes more time and attention for the people who are here, who really care for my hapiness. Focusing on the people who are here was one of the main concern this year, for a lot of reasons. I thought I was good for selecting the good people in my life but looks like I still can improve. So I'm still letting people go off my life. [3:36PM. Guess I said mostly what I had to say. Maybe 5 pages is enough, but maybe not.] Oh I can still tell the rest of the year. November have been one peaceful month. Away from all the obsessions. Focused on me. No karate but still courses by videoconference. The weather was very sweet even tho it was November. This second lockdown was not that funny but we've seen worst. And December … had it's ups and downs. It was cool to meet my kids 1 month after all these video courses. They clearly got stronger, it was cool. I could also talk about my experience as a sensei this year because there's a lot to say. At the beginning of February, it was my last competition but also for my kids. We litteraly took the competition by storm. On était TROP CHAUDS. But then the Covid stopped us. We kinda were ready for Occitanie championship, if you forget that I was sick the week before the competition. I'd have loved so much to see how far their training would have taken them on this competition. But thank God they cancelled it, guess He didn't want to see me lose ahah. So, I've seen a lot of kids getting better. What a pleasure. Later on this year I told them that I wanted to see them become stronger than me. Seems cliché, but I'm happy they took it seriously. Of course I'm dead serious. We also talked about I will be waiting for them in Senior. Hope they'll continue until then. And above all I hope I will still be competing. I really want to have a positive impact on these kids, competitors or not. And I guess it's working. (Btw I'll surely do a post about Whitebeard soon, just to show him love). So. What lessons can we draw from this chaotic year ? Always treat your high school comrades well. Be picky about who you let in your life. Before engaging in a relationship, ask why her previous relationship ended. Trust no B. (And BBW's are heaven sent). Now it's 3:50PM and I guess I'm done. But I keep myself the possibility to add things if I think of things to add. It's 6 pages long (Arial, 12) but if I can make it longer I will.

[Friday. 00:55AM] Edit : Ok. The story is funny. I really wanted to finish that in one day. So I wrote the previous lines between 10 AM and 4 PM Wednesday knowing I would need more time, just to check and to add a few more details. And one of those Lonely Wednesday Night would have been perfect just to finish the job. So I planned to finish it on wednesday night but the fact is I forgot my computer home …. So here I am one day later. Still baked, so still in the right state of mind to do it. It gave me time to proofread myself (?) and most importantly, it gave me time to read again some of my previous sum ups. It was interesting to compare how they're all different, and also how my writting evolved. Tbh I think I'm becoming more comfortable with my English. Or maybe the more I express myself, the more I look at ease with the langage. This sum up is the longest I've ever written. But still, I'll add things because I still haven't told everything. For example, I haven't spoken about the fact that all the Kazamastar adventure might be closer to the end than the beginning. Like, I'm not immediatly done with all that. I'm still having a lot of fun here. Anon visitors are also part of the game, but it's still all fun. It also keeps my « photograph eye » opened. This makes me think of the quote «I want to be so awfully happy that I never need to write poetry again. » [#] and more precisely I'm thinking about : do I post more when I'm happy or sad ? But I noticed this tumblr kinda works like therapy for me. (And especially, this post is a therapy by itself. Wednesday I woke up feeling bad, lower belly aching and making this post really helped me going through the day.) I post a lot when I'm sad but it really allows me to get all of these negative feelings out of me. I do stylize things but I know I'm not a poet or anything. But can you imagine being so happy that you don't write again ? Would be an amazing feeling. (Indeed, I've already done it once [#]. I've ended a blog on a perfect happiness and yes it felt amazing. ) Imagine if I do it here. After all the trials and tribulations I went through, it would be a perfect way to finish this tumblr. But as I'm speaking, I think there's like … less than 5% chance that it ends happily. If it does, it could be in a long time. I have a few ideas of when and how it could end, but Imma have to keep these selfishly for myself. You'll see when we'll get there.:) Also, I'm realizing right now the things I'm adding to the text make the timestamps through the text a bit less accurate but that's just a detail. [2:37 AM] Earlier I talked about this blog being a therapy for me. But it’s not only this tumblr. This year I proudly finished another tumblr (yes you can guess I was proud as I posted about that 17325 times already and pinned a post). This was such a relief to end it after letting it still for litteraly 2 years. Well that’s it for tonight !

No transition : let's go for the explanations of my choices for the playlist followed by the playlist itself. It's kinda easy to understand why « la mienne » is here, for the first month. This “I can’t touch you I’m not allowed to” really made me think of someone and this someone came back. Incredible. The next song with a Boogie is perfect for February. Very peaceful month, really full of very good moments (in the backseat of a certain car for example). The 2 next songs are for March. These are kinda « lockdown anthems » as The Weeknd album came out right at that time and so did Laylow's. Plus « Escape from LA » have the vibe I really love from Abel. 2 next songs are for April. Dsvn really smashed when he put that « A muse in her feelings » album. (and the « Amusing her feelings » is even better but that won't happen before January 2021). The sequence between « Outlandish – Keep it going - flawless » was one of the best thing I heard musically this year. But keep it going is insane. « Meilleurs » from Oboy is … special. And so are the 2 following songs. Meilleurs is now blacklisted but it's still one good song. But I can't listen to it anymore. Maybe that's exactly because it reminds me June and July. Count me in reminds me precisely of August 8th. Btw what a funny day, very far from all expectations we built up through the years (let's remind that the countdown started with more that 400 days, but I guess patience and loyalty is not always rewarded). I might digress from the playlist one second, but on this day we were in Treilles with the guys, and thank God I had them in this moment ... That’s when I drank to heal, with “count on me” for soundtrack. For September, I hesitated between « DEUX TOILES DE MER » or « MEVTR » (which means « Meilleur d'Entre Vous Tous Reunis », the 1st stage name of Damso). Damso’s flow on MEVTR is huge. He makes a whole verse rhyme and on but … 2 toiles is more iconic. Talking about iconic, « Bande organisée » wasn't a masterpiece but a force to be reckoned with (i find this expression funny ahah). I mean, in hip hop nowadays we don't see often rappers teaming up with big groups like that. Plus on this song particularly some of them have interesing flows and a lot of energy. And you can tell it comes from the South. Not of them are goods, some are excellent but this makes a very decent track. « Route 66 » was cool, even tough it's for November (so 2nd lockdown) it gave me really lovely vibes. And I take this occasion talking about November 2020 to remind it was the 10th anniversary of Kanye West's MBDTF and I celebrated it the right way héhé. Finally, this featuring is really ending the year well. Dinos dropped an insane album, his best since a long time and Tayc also (respectively « Stamina, » and « Fleur froide »). So having them on the same track was risky but it paid very well, incredible vibe from those two combined. They could have been in the top 3 albums but some people made better than them. Trinity is my top 1 one 2020. The concept, the musics … it was INSANE. QALF was also great. It's insane to see Damso get rid of « artistic barriers » to focus only on sound and music. No communication etc … Just music. And Eternal Atake from Lil Uzi Vert because it was long awaited but also because it was perfect, also a 1st lockdown album so it helped me forget my loneliness but so much good tracks ! And finally we have the very special songs that I coudn't tell why I like them. I just love their vibes. So now is 4:15 PM and I'm offically finished but I still have to tweak it. Know I won't hesitate to add things that are related to 2020 and that come to my mind :) Thanks for reading me. Have a lovely day, or night.

2020 Playlist

Tayc – La mienne (Accoustic)

A Boogie – Reply feat Lil Uzi Vert

The Weeknd – Escape for LA

Laylow – Nakré

dvsn – Keep it goin ✨

PartyNextDoor – Believe it feat Rihanna

Trippie Redd & Russ – The Way

OBOY - Meilleurs

Kehlani - Serial Lover

Juice WRLD & Marshmello - Come and go

THEY. - Count me in

Damso - Deux toiles de mer

13 Organisé - Bande organisée

Joe Dwet File - Route 66

Dinos & Tayc - Je wanda

Spécial : Lil Tecca - Last Call  YNW Melly  - City girls

Jessame - Times we had ~ Dennis Lloyd - Never go back ~  Elliot Trent - computer love

3 top albums de 2020 : 

Trinity de Laylow - Qalf de Damso - Eternal atake de Lil Uzi vert