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subcorax · 4 years

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various hugs as rated by jonathan sims, head archivist of the magnus institute, london

OG Archives Crew:

tim stoker pros: very large and buff, but also soft. will squeeze jon as tight and as long as he wants. is six foot whatever and jacked so he's way bigger than jon and can entirely envelop him, which is the closest thing jon's getting to a weighted blanket these days. cons: tim is an oldest and favourite cousin, which means that when he hugs people smaller than him, they're usually children. as a result, there is a roughly 30% chance that if jon goes in for a hug he'll get a hair ruffle and lifted slightly off the ground to go with it. overall rating: 9/10. tim gives truly excellent hugs.

martin blackwood pros: will literally give jon a hug whenever he asks for one without making it feel awkward, which is nice because jon almost always feels awkward talking to people. will also sometimes ask jon if he wants a hug if he's looking a bit pathetic lately. is made of 60% soft wooly jumpers and 30% stuffing, the most warm and comfortable hug. also usually strokes jon's back while he's at it, which is extremely nice. cons: sometimes if jon's leaning into the hug a bit too much martin will physically make him stop working and take a nap, which is not doing great things for jon's work ethic overall rating: 9.5/10. i may be in love with you, martin, but i do actually need to do work sometimes?

sasha james pros: casual hugger, doesn't make jon feel weird about it, just goes in for a quick hug and a peck on the cheek when she's heading out for the day, or if she feels like it. she smells very nice. he kind of wonders what shampoo she uses. cons: despite being sturdier than she looks, she is not quite large enough to apply the force that jon perhaps wants in a hug. overall rating: 8.5/10. delightful, but without the capacity for a proper bear hug a la martin or tim.

not!sasha pros: no. cons: you know when you're at a family gathering and a relative that you only distantly recognize the face and name of comes up and hugs you like, way too familiarly, and it's kinda cloyingly creepy? it's exactly like that overall rating: stranger/10. please never do that again.

Latter Days Crew

melanie king pros: has never in her life half-assed a hug. seems to be trying to break jon's ribcage, which he appreciates. cons: she is often very angry at him, and so does not hug him very often. overall rating: 6/10. good when he got it but he does not often get it.

basira hussain pros: she doesn't really do Full Hugs with jon, she's more likely to toss an arm around his shoulder and pull him against her side, kind of a Bro Side Hug situation, which actually goes a long ways towards making him feel Human and Included and Not Hated. good friend bro hug. cons: kinda lacking in creature comforts. basira is not very soft or demonstrative. not exactly a shoulder he would be comfortable crying on. overall rating: 7/10. he appreciates the sentiment.

daisy tonner pros: daisy WILL go in for a Full Hug with jon, especially after the buried. she is also Strong and will squeeze him, and often seems to need a hug as much as he does. sometimes smells like basira's perfume and sometimes like her own deoderant, both of which are nice. cons: she will make fun of him for leaving tear stains on her shirt. jon has never had a big sister but he thinks that this is what cain and abel were on about. overall rating: 9/10. fantastic except for the schoolyard bullying

Miscellaneous Archives Staff

elias bouchard pros: gives a surprisingly firm, steady hug. like, there's something almost paternal about it, jon just feels proud that elias is proud of him. also he's in a fancy suit and wears very expensive cologne, it just feels like hugging something kind of luxurious and expensive. cons: literally everything else about elias overall rating: latent parental issues/10. it was weird. he tries not to think about it.

gertrude robinson pros: jon never actually met gertrude, but all of the photos he's seen and her voice on the tapes reminds him of his grandmother, so he kind of imagines it'd be like hugging her. a balance between firm and frail, smelling vaguely like all old ladies start to smell like. cons: outside of the nostalgia factor for him, grandma hugs aren't actually that great overall rating: hypothetically, 3/10. he feels like he's got perfume stuck up his nose.

gerard kaey pros: seemed like a cool dude. taller than jon, and exceedingly kind. seemed like he would be really open to a hug. cons: he was a ghost when they met, so they could not hug. overall rating: hypothetically 9/10. jon's adding extra points out of guilt.

michael shelley pros: seemed pretty nice from what he's heard? cons: seemed pretty boring from what he's heard? overall rating: hypothetically 5/10. he seemed fine.

Various Other Avatars

peter lukas pros: very broad. soft belly. big coat. beard. definitely is capable of giving a Good Bear Hug. cons: literally everything else about peter lukas. also he'd probably be cold overall rating: MORE latent parental issues/10. this will never happen. jon's just kind of touch-starved at this point.

michael pros: very friendly about it. exceedingly friendly about it. seems truly delighted by the concept of hugging jon. cons: is equally truly delighted by the concept of stabbing jon. overall rating: ooo ow ouch pointy/10. mistakes were made.

helen pros: actually seems to like jon every now and again. smells like real estate agent perfume. no, he doesn't know how to explain it. it's like a professional scent. cons: stabbed jon again, but accidentally this time overall rating: ooooo ouch pointy but in a pantsuit/10. god he's getting desperate

jared hopworth pros: many arms to hug with cons: none of those arms are his. several of them are bulging with meat and bones the way arms are not supposed to. smells like raw steak. overall rating: 2/10. jon does not have standards anymore.

jude perry pros: very butch, which jon has learned to trust, in a hug partner cons: Literally Made Of Boiling Wax overall rating: hot/10. considerably more mistakes have been made.

georgina barker pros: it's georgie. jon knows georgie. jon fucking adores georgie. she is very smart and comfortable and soft and knows how much he likes having his hair scratched like that. cons: she has absolutely no compunctions about telling jon that he's a fucking idiot, and like sure, he deserves it, but can it wait until after the hug? overall rating: 8.5/10. can i have a cup of tea please georgie. no i will not be releasing you from the hug to let you go and make the tea.

the admiral pros: admiral cons: none overall rating: 10/10. the perfect hug.

#the magnus archives #tma #magnuspod #magnus pod #the magnus institute #no i will not be taking questions at this time.#long post

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mintymiknow · 3 years

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Trust Fall - ch. 10 | Lee Minho

summary | character profiles | masterlist

Pairing: Lee Minho/Lee Know x Reader

Summary: Pieces are falling to place like a puzzle, and the light at the end of the tunnel is seemingly near sight. But there are still some obstacles to tackle...as well as some other hidden fragments to collect.

Genre: Secret agent/spy au, romance, angst, action

Word count: Approx. 5.3k

Warnings for this chapter: Suggestiveness (another warning will be placed within the story so you’ll know which paragraphs to skip should you want to)

A/N: Another surprise! I really am getting busier, so I wanted to get another chapter out for everyone because there’s a high possibility that the next chapter will take longer than usual. This chapter will sort of signal the midpoint of the series. Also...for the Minho simps, another fragment of flashback of his past is included~ Oh, and more swoony moments! Enjoy, and don’t hesitate to send an ask if you have comments or questions!

Minho leads you to the door of room 1117, hand still clasped around yours. Just before he enters, he turns to face you. “I’ll have to leave you here for a while, if you don’t mind. Interrogations can get...messy.” he says softly, taking notice of how you have your hands protectively wrapped around your upper arms.

You nod, and Minho takes off his suit jacket to drape around your shoulders before making three knocks on the door. Seconds later, Changbin opens it and walks out, greeting Minho with a playful salute. “Target’s all yours.” he smirks.

Minho thanks him with a smile before proceeding inside the room. Changbin hangs back when the door closes, sliding down against the wall to sit on the floor. He pats the spot beside him, encouraging you to sit next to him. You do so, smoothing out the fabric of your gown’s skirt, currently focused on the warmth Minho’s suit jacket gave you. The buff agent tilts his head, “How was the gala?”

“Oh you know, I danced with Minho.”

“Oh you know, I told him a secret.”

“Oh you know, I nearly kissed him.”

“Ah.” you eventually respond, “I danced most of the time. And pretended to drink champagne.”

Changbin stretches his arms and chuckles, “Interesting.”

You nod, mind still too preoccupied with thoughts about yours and Minho’s interactions for the night. Wasn’t it your intention to stay away from building bonds while in SKZ? Well, ever since you rekindled your friendship with Seungmin and Jisung, that plan already seemed to diverge. That’s one thing, but it’s another thing to feel a certain way towards a certain someone.

Not that you admitted you liked Minho, but what was this fluttery feeling blooming in your chest, flooding you with warmth each time Minho smiled at you or got physically close?

You had spent years putting up protective walls, and was this agent tearing it down? Perhaps that was why he was an agent, right? They’re experts at digging into things.

Was Minho telling the truth about trusting you? Or was that another one of his effortless lies and covers?

Changbin seems to pick up on your tense and nervous demeanor. He then bumps your shoulder with his, catching your attention. When you abruptly look at him with wide eyes, he chuckles, “Thinking about something?”

“I…” you trail off before clearing your throat, “just suddenly felt tired. Sleepy. I’ve been wearing these heels for hours.”

“Hmm.” Changbin nods his head, “You could have gone back to your hotel room when Hyunjin called the agents over.”

“I preferred to stay where you all were for...reasons.” you say quietly, not quite sure how you were supposed to say that you felt safer that way.

“Understood.” Changbin nods in understanding.

Meanwhile, inside the room, Chan, Minho, Jeongin and Hyunjin look at their target now tied up on the floor. Chan’s sitting on the bed, sifting through the papers they managed to find in the room. “This is more than enough intel.” the eldest agent states, nodding his head definitively.

Hyunjin is leaning against the wall as he hums, “Unfortunately, those are just lab reports and results for their serum’s current status. Our lab department can handle that. We have no leads on who they were supposed to transact with tonight though.”

“Perhaps our target is willing to tell.” Jeongin sing-songs.

The target hisses, eyebrows furrowed in anger, “As if! I’d rather die.”

“That can be arranged.” Minho says nonchalantly, a bored expression on his face.

“He’s gonna do it you know?” Jeongin snickers, kneeling beside the target, “So I think it’s best if you just tell us.”

The target laughs, shaking his head, “Are you gonna do it knowing your little lady friend is just outside?”

Minho’s eyebrow twitches, but he still manages to keep a stone-faced expression as he crosses his arms, “Her presence is irrelevant.”

Then Minho’s shrugging his vest off, slowly approaching the male with calculated steps. He grabs the target’s collar with ease, lifting him from the ground and glaring intensely. “Who were you going to transact with?” Minho repeats the question in a growl-like manner.

“Didn’t know SKZ had good-looking agents.”

Minho raises an eyebrow, and Jeongin ends up releasing a sympathetic sigh. Hyunjin whistles where he stands, and Chan pays no attention to the group, much too busy skimming through the sheets of paper in his hands. Minho then releases the target to roll the sleeves of his shirt before slapping the target with minimal force. “Answer the question.” the agent says.

However, the target is stubborn and keen on keeping his mouth shut. He responds with unrelated statements, jabs tasteless jokes and even mocks SKZ. When he makes the mistake of saying something about endangering you, however, Minho’s lips curl into a smirk, and the rest of the agents know what’s to come.

Jeongin smiles, walking over to sit on the bed with Chan, “It was nice knowing you, Mr. Target.”

Minho cracks his knuckles and stretches his neck before kneeling down to the target’s eye level, “I’m not in the mood for a long night, so let’s get this over with, shall we?”

A few minutes later, the hotel room door opens, and Hyunjin walks out. Changbin stands and offers his hand to help you stand as well. With both of you on your feet, Hyunjin grins, “Heya y/n! You look good!”

“Didn’t you pick the dress?” you ask.

“Kind of. A female agent just asked for my opinion.” Hyunjin smiles before yawning, “Well, the target’s unconscious so Chan and I will keep watch until the pick-up team arrives to take him back to HQ.”

Jeongin is the next to exit the room, his grin still plastered on his face, “Unfortunately, we still have another meeting.”

Changbin nods, “Hope it’ll be quick.”

Minho is the next to exit the room as Hyunjin goes back in, gently closing the door as he does so. The older agent then nods at Changbin and Jeongin, “You two can go ahead. I’ll just walk y/n back to her room.”

The two fellow agents nod before waving and saying their goodbyes. They begin to walk down the hallway to the elevator, leaving you and Minho alone. He turns to you, gesturing towards the alternative staircase, “All our rooms are just one floor above. Mind taking the stairs?”

You’re tempted to refuse since you were still wearing your heels, but in the end, you nod and gesture for the male to lead the way. Minho nods, taking your hands in his once more as he ascends the stairs. You aren’t very sure why he does that - holding your hands and all - but...it was nice. It felt nice.

You both walk in silence, arriving in front of your hotel room door not too long after. The male turns on his heel to face you, nodding towards the door, “Go shower, get some sleep, whatever. Don’t worry about waking up early, I’m pretty sure Jung will have us leave after lunch tomorrow.”

You nod again, offering a small smile, “You didn’t need to escort me all the way here, you know?”

“Better safe than sorry.” Minho smiles, and for some reason, you see the gesture as more charming than usual. Were you that tired already?

You gently scoff, eyes never leaving Minho’s, “Truly an efficient and thorough agent.”

His lips curl into a somewhat larger smile as he shakes his head in amusement, “You flatter me. Go inside now.”

You stifle a laugh before nodding your head. You look into each other’s eyes for another second, but that brief moment of him looking at you fondly is enough to make you feel heat rising to your cheeks once more. With that, you move to open your door.

“Oh, one more thing.”

You halt your movements, turning to face the agent with a curious tilt of your head. Ah, maybe he wanted you to return his suit jacket.

You grip the jacket in an attempt to get it off of your shoulders when you suddenly feel Minho grabbing your wrist, gently pulling you close. As if happening in slow motion, the male leans closer - similar to what happened in the ballroom - until you can feel his breath fanning over your skin. Your hands grip the jacket around your shoulders tighter, heart threatening to leap out.

Then that’s when you feel his lips coming into contact with your skin, a soft and chaste kiss on your cheek, slightly above the corner of your lips.

In his mind, that was more than enough. That was fine for now.

“Goodnight, y/n.” he says after pulling away, flashing you one more small smile.

He does the honor of opening your door for you, seeing as to how you were frozen in place. Minho chuckles, gently pushing you inside the room. He bows his head politely before walking off to meet with the others, leaving you dumbfounded once more.

When you’re sure he’s gone, you slam the door shut and lean against it, eyes wide with panic as you reach a hand up to touch the area he kissed. “Why…” you ask yourself, failing to comprehend the agent’s actions.

No matter. Shaking your head, you kick your heels off and make a beeline for the bathroom. Maybe you needed a bath to clear your mind, so you readied the bathtub with nice, warm water to soak in. Once ready, you don’t waste a single second in stripping your clothes and submerging yourself in the warm water, sighing in relief as your tense body relaxes.

You lean forward to grab the bottle of body wash that was on the shower rack and read the label. The liquid inside was a pretty shade of pink with a little shimmer swirling inside. The label read “Levanter Collection: Sweet Rose Lips” for the name of the product, and the description read, “A softly fragrant rose-scented body wash. Go ahead and pamper yourself with this wash that will leave your skin soft and supple - perfect to kiss if applicable!”

You roll your eyes at the cheesy description, putting the body wash back on the rack.

“Leave your skin soft and supple - perfect to kiss if applicable!”

Kiss. The word echoed in your mind repeatedly.

“Thank you.” Minho suddenly whispers, and it only dawns on you now that he’s mere centimeters away from your face.

He’s so close that you feel his breath mingling with yours, the tips of your noses barely touching. His hands rest at the small of your back, but there’s a certain pressure to his touch as if he was restraining himself from something. Your breathing comes to a stop as does time, and your grip on his broad shoulders tightens. Both your eyes are lidded as you stare at each other; you can tell his eyes have landed on your lipstick-covered lips, and the agent can deduce the same for you - your eyes are definitely caught up in looking at his own lips.

Something in your heart booms - or maybe snaps - and it would seem the same for Minho because he’s leaning closer, eyes now closed as he closes the gap. You shut your eyes as well, preparing yourself for the touch of his lips on yours.

You soon feel the ghosting touch of his lips grazing yours, sending a jolt of electricity up your veins. Then, his lips capture yours, overwhelming your senses like a wildfire that leaves you burning in its wake. Minho hugs you closer and tighter, one hand going up to cup your jaw and stroke the skin there. You relish in how soft his lips are against yours, a beautiful contrast to the roughness of his hands. Your own fingers tangle with his locks, pulling him as close as possible as your lips continue to melt together like slow-moving lava.

You aggressively splash the water in the bathtub, squealing as you cover your face. “That’s not what happened, you dummy!” you reprimand yourself, muffled screaming into your hands.

Your heart is beating two, three, four times faster than usual, and despite the water being lukewarm and almost cold by now, it feels much too hot in the bathroom. You groan and dunk your head in the water before re-emerging with pouty lips. The water drips down your hair and face as you hug your legs to yourself. One hand makes its way to your lips, and you gently brush your fingertips against it.

It was for a brief moment - barely a kiss - when Minho’s lips grazed against yours.

His lips seemed so soft. So tempting. Inviting.

You squeal again, sinking lower in the bathtub until it’s just your nose and above that isn’t submerged in water. With tired and nearly deadpan eyes, you think to yourself, “Get a hold of yourself, Dr. Song.”

“You’ll have to say goodbye when this is all over.”

If this will actually be over.

“In summary, Cle was supposed to transact with Red Wing, a private company that directly supplies manpower and weaponry to a militant group. Their agent attended this gala to give a prototype serum that, as per the papers, is almost complete. In exchange, Cle would be given a large sum of money to mass produce the said serum.” Jung reads the report from Chan, “Is that correct?”

“Yes sir.” the agents reply.

“And according to the papers, the serum that was being sold is a prototype?”

“Prototype 1.” Minho states, “Technically, Cle is reporting the serum as 90% complete.”

Jung sighs, shaking his head, “Are we certain that the transaction didn’t push through?”

Chan nods, his voice sure and firm, “Yes, sir. Jeongin, Minho and I kept our eyes on him the entire evening, and Hyunjin and Changbin tailed him afterwards. No transaction happened.”

The head agent nods in response, an approving look in his eyes. “Did we manage to acquire the serum that was supposed to be sold?” Jung asks.

Minho hums, gesturing his head towards the window in the room, “One bottle. We’ve given the serum to the pick-up team. They’re en-route to HQ as we speak.”

“Good, good. Jisung and Seungmin can start analyzing it.” Jung seems happy, “Oh...Dr. Song is here, is she not?”

Chan tilts his head, “Yes. Why?”

Jung hums, hand on his chin as if he were deep in thought, “It would have been nice to have her return to HQ to help Jisung and Seungmin so we can immediately determine if this prototype serum brings us a step closer to a solution. Where is she now?”

Minho raises an eyebrow and leans against the wall. He remembers you admitting to him that you somehow discovered a semi-solution to negate the serum; though not final, you had admitted that you discovered something of significant use. That you were close to finding the final solution.

Minho doesn’t say a word. Instead, he addresses the head’s question. “She’s asleep by now, I assume.” he starts a bit too protectively, and he doesn’t miss the teasing smirk on Jeongin’s lips, “She was with us the entire night.”

If Jung notices the tone of protectiveness in the agent’s voice, he doesn’t say anything about it. “I see.” Jung nods in understanding, “Well, the most we can do now is just wait. You’re all dismissed. Go get some rest and sleep for the night.”

All the agents excuse themselves and politely bow before leaving Jung’s hotel room. Jeongin, Chan and Changbin go ahead, getting off the elevator to the 10th floor while saying goodbye in between their yawns. Meanwhile, Hyunjin and Minho get out of the elevator on the 12th floor. While walking towards their respective rooms, Hyunjin softly chuckles, “You’re awfully quiet again. Something happen between you and y/n?”

Minho sighs, furrowing his eyebrows as he chooses his words, “I nearly kissed her.”

The long-haired agent gasps, eyes wide with both shock and amusement. If it were possible, there could have been a million stars in his eyes right now. “Oh?” he whistles, “What brought that about?”

Minho groans, sighing as if he had just faced his biggest predicament, “We were dancing in the gala, and we just...talked. Before I knew it, I was...leaning in.”

“And what stopped you from indulging?” Hyunjin asks with curiosity.

“Many things. We’re on a mission...you called and told us the target was captured…” Minho mumbles, “Among others.”

Hyunjin raises an eyebrow, “What are these others?”

“Fear.”

“Oho, the Lee Minho’s afraid?”

Minho glares before deflating into a more tired stance, “You know what I mean, Hyunjin. If I fall, there’s no guarantee I can get back up. Or worse, someone to cushion that fall.”

“Well, isn’t y/n there to make the fall easier?” Hyunjin muses, “Guide you through it? I mean, she’s new to it I’m sure, but the two of you will help each other. I’m positive of that.”

“You really think?”

“You’re not as smart, huh?”

“Hwang Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin laughs, “Ok, ok! I’m just saying…a little change isn’t so bad. Maybe it’s time you cast off that particular ghost - you know what I mean - and find a...better chapter in life.”

Minho looks at his friend with a deadpan expression before breaking out into a small smile, “Who knew you were this poetic?”

“Going undercover in various places has its perks.” Hyunjin laughs before stopping in front of his hotel room door, “Think about it. For the meantime, goodnight!”

“Night.” Minho replies, opening the door next to Hyunjin’s to go inside his own room.

And when Minho strips his clothes off, takes a shower and plops down on bed, he expects to fall asleep right away, especially since his body is so exhausted. He expects to relish in the warmth and softness of the bed and pillows, carrying him over to dreamland. He does not, however, expect to lay still on his back, eyes glued to the ceiling as the darkness of the room washes over him.

[A/N: italics = flashback] / [Warning: suggestive and implied actions, but nothing graphic and explicit at all. Should you still wish to skip this, press CTRL + F (or any command to help you search for words on a webpage) and search “Minho guaranteed that”. You can continue reading from there]

The room was hot. His skin was hot and flushed. Everything was hot, especially her lips on his. They’ve been in this...compromising? Intimate? position for a while now, the woman on his lap, both of them in nothing but their bare skin. She was pressed against him, leaving no space for air to dance in between as he devoured her lips with his own, hands traveling here and there.

“Didn’t you say you were tired from your mission?” Jiyeon laughed as Minho shifted his attention to her neck.

Minho laughed in kind, a playful glint in his eyes, “Yeah, but I have just enough energy for one round.”

“What is this? A video game? Low stamina and health points are going down!” the woman joked around, keeping the mood bright and lively despite the nature of their current actions.

“I have the energy, but I am a bit tired.” Minho smirked, “I think you’ll need to be quiet for a while.”

The man silenced her with hungry kisses, placing her down on the bed as he entered her space. In between the pants and breathless gasps, whispers of love were announced here and there like some proclamation or oath that shouldn’t be forgotten. And by the end of the night, the two figures lay in bed, snuggly in each other’s arms and paying no heed to the sweatiness of their skin.

It didn’t take long for Minho to fall asleep, soft snores escaping his lips. Jiyeon looked at the man with a warm gaze, eyes narrowing as she smiled and stifled a giggle. The woman reached out to gently comb her fingers through the male’s hair - dyed orange at the time - taking her time in getting a feel of the soft locks, almost as if trying to remember what they felt like.

She brushed a few strands away from his face, resting the hand by the male’s jaw. “I really do love you.” she whispered, placing a very quick kiss to his nose.

Jiyeon then got up, gathering the articles of clothing that were on the floor before slipping them back on. Now fully dressed, the woman took her pistol from the bedside drawer and aimed it at the sleeping male. Just about ready to pull the trigger, Jiyeon’s eyes widened for a brief second before she regained her composure.

“If you’re going to pull the trigger, make sure you’ve put your silencer.” Minho said, eyes still closed, “Wouldn’t want Chan and the rest running over here.”

Jiyeon lowered the gun, sighing as if she was very much bummed out, “As expected. Nothing slips past you.”

Minho’s eyes were now open, but he didn’t spare her a glance. Instead, he kept his gaze on his clothes on the floor, an uninterested expression on his face. “We both know I’m not going to engage with you now, so you either kill me or walk away quietly.” he said calmly, but the threat in his voice was powerful.

“If I go, will I see you again?” Jiyeon teased a bit too flirtatiously.

Minho’s expression didn’t waver; stoic and blank, yet a certain inferno engulfed the stars in his galaxy-like eyes. He ran a hand through his already-messy hair before speaking with a poisonous and bitter tone.

“Perhaps.” he started, “But the next time we cross paths, one of us will end up with a bullet in their heart.”

“Didn’t your heart already get hit by a bullet, Lee Minho?” Jiyeon chuckled before tucking her gun back in.

Without another word from either of them, the woman walked out the door, closing it gently.

Minho stared up at the ceiling of his room, not blinking even once as he felt something cool - no, something hot - stream down the sides of his face.

Hot tears of...sadness? No, anger.

Anger and vengeance.

Yes, his heart was hit by a bullet named Jiyeon.

And he was still alive.

Jiyeon was going to get hit by a bullet named Lee Minho, and she would not survive.

Minho guaranteed that.

Minho doesn’t even realize his eyebrows are angrily furrowed until he hears a knock on the hotel room door. Breaking from his trance, the agent sighs as he gets up, cautiously approaching the door. He relaxes only when he hears a soft, familiar voice saying “Minho?”

Opening the door, the agent looks at you inquisitively before asking worriedly, “Y/n? What’s wrong?”

You give him a smile of reassurance, “Oh, nothing serious, don’t worry. Um, I just...wanted to return this.”

You stretch your hand out to give him his suit jacket. Minho chuckles and takes it from you before raising an eyebrow, “You could have just returned it tomorrow.”

“I...might forget.” you chuckle sheepishly, unconsciously tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

The agent smiles fondly, giving your cheek another pinch, “If you missed me, you could have just said so.”

“Who says?” you hit his arm which really doesn’t do anything, “I just wanted to return it before I forget!”

Minho bites his lip to stifle a louder laugh. “You’re still pretty hyper.”

“You’re one to talk.” you glare, reaching up to pinch his cheek as well.

But when you realize what you’ve done - and judging by the twitch of his lips - you freeze and feel your heart drop, legs suddenly weak. Your hand remains in place, your pinch on his cheek loosening but the hand is still there. Minho blinks twice, his own hand slowly coming up to envelope yours. With your hand in his, he pulls it away from his face, poking his tongue in the inside of his cheek.

“I…” you stumble over your words, “I didn’t mean to. Uh...I’m so sorry.”

But Minho ends up erupting in soft laughter, his eyes crinkling in amusement. He lets go of your hand to lightly tap a finger on the tip of your nose. “I think you’re the first person to have had the guts to do that.” he teases, “I’ll admit I’m amused.”

“You’re probably just pulling my leg.” you deadpan.

The male agent shrugs casually, smiling as he speaks, “Maybe. Anyway, shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

You pout, “I was...until I remembered to return the jacket.”

“Ok, fine.” Minho smirks, “Thanks. Now seriously, go get some sleep.”

“Yes, Agent Lee.” you stick your tongue out.

“Hmm. Charming. Real charming.” he deadpans, but not a second later, he’s chuckling.

“You’re the charming one.”

You don’t say that, but you wish you could.

The next day, after the team returned from the previous mission, the agents had set off almost immediately after lunch. Not even stepping foot into the HQ, Minho and the other agent boys had already left for the continuation of their mission. Changbin and Jeongin remained, the older agent going back to the main building while Jeongin headed for the cafeteria for an after-lunch snack. You went to the living quarters to drop some stuff in your room and get changed into more comfortable clothes.

Afterwards, you began your usual walk to the lab department to look for Jisung and Seungmin. You peek into the usual room where the three of you work, but there was no sign of the duo. You hum to yourself, rattling your brain to think of anywhere else they could be.

As you exit the room, Changbin exits another one as well. He sees you and offers a smile, “Heyo.”

“Hi.” you smile, “Have you seen Jisung and Seungmin?”

“No, actually. I was looking for them.” Changbin pouts, and it’s a funny contrast to his buff physique, “Minho asked me to ask them if the results for a serum test came out already…”

“Yeah, I was going to ask them that as well.” you sigh.

The agent then shrugs, a soft chuckle escaping his lips, “Well, seeing as to how those two are probably on break if they aren’t here, you should join them.”

“Aren’t we...still on duty?” you ask cautiously.

“I am.” Changbin pretends to sob, “But technically you aren’t since lab results and tests can take time. Besides, Minho and the rest are still on an ongoing side mission, so either way, we have to wait for them to return to know how to proceed next. For the time being, I think it should be fine to have a day-off.”

“Are you positive? Minho might have my head.” you mumble.

At that, Changbin laughs, “Oh, you’re funny. I like that. Well, Minho can’t do anything about it ‘cause he’s not here. Go and have fun with the younger guys. If you can’t find Jisung or Seungmin, ask Felix to help you locate them!”

“I will, thank you Changbin.” you politely bow.

“No need for that.” he laughs, giving your head a pat, “See you around.”

About 5-10 minutes later, you and Felix locate Jisung and Seungmin in one of the lounge rooms of the living quarters - the one with a swimming pool.

You stare in disbelief before turning to face the freckled agent, “Really? A swimming pool? Is this a government organization or a hotel?”

Felix laughs, his eyes crinkling with amusement, “Come on, y/n! The swimming pool in the training center is to train the agents. This one's for recreational purposes! We agents can get stressed and want to relax when we can, you know?”

“I know…” you stifle a laugh, “I just...wasn’t expecting a whole pool.”

Jisung swims over to the edge and smiles at the two of you, “Care to join us? Those test results you all want are going to take another three hours or so.”

“I’ll just sit here and watch, thanks.” you offer a small smile.

Felix, on the other hand, is already taking his shirt off, enthusiastically happy that he chose to wear sweatpants and not jeans today - wet sweatpants were less of a hassle compared to wet jeans. He jumps into the pool with a splash for an impromptu swimming break. You and Jisung laugh as Felix lets out a loud “whoo!”. Seungmin wades over much calmer compared to the two, hoisting himself up to sit on the pool edge. “Did you guys just get back?” he asks.

“More or less.” you answer, grabbing a chair and sitting on it.

“So,” Jisung wiggles - you presume his butt - in the water and narrows his eyes mischievously, “tell us about the gala! Wasn’t your cover supposed to be lovers with Minho?”

Felix squeals in the background, splashing water like a child. Seungmin has to hold back a snicker as he looks at you expectantly. You’re aware of the fact that your cheeks heat up, but you shoot the boys a glare either way. “How’d you know that?” you ask.

Jisung snickers, “Jeongin told me!”

“Why that…” you mumble under your breath before clearing your throat, “Well, sorry to burst your bubbles, but nothing much happened. Dancing, eating, drinking...that’s it. I barely did anything afterwards.”

Jisung makes a “boo” sound, causing Seungmin to kick at the water and splash him. Meanwhile, Felix raises a question while floating around, “Did you and Minho do anything fun?”

“If you consider dancing as fun, then there you go.” you say, suddenly flashing back to the near-kiss you shared.

Seungmin is quick to notice the reddened flush of your skin, so he smiles innocently and muses, “Hmm? Did you enjoy dancing with Minho, y/n? I wouldn’t blame you. All the girls here have had a crush on him at some point.”

You ignore the pang of jealousy that sizzles in your bones, covering your flustered state with another glare. “I did not.” you defend yourself, crossing your arms, “I swear, it was just nothing.”

Jisung hums excitedly, flailing in the water, “I can tell you’re hiding something!”

“I am not!” you nearly stutter.

“Gee, Minho’s right. You’re a bad liar.” Felix says innocently, earring him a high-five from Jisung.

“Spill it.” Seungmin says with a devious smirk.

You avert your eyes, glancing to the side as you mumble, “He kissed me on the cheek.”

Of course you left out the part where he nearly kissed you on the lips.

With that admission, the three boys yell and cheer, the sounds echoing in the pool room. You look at them surprised, cheeks now redder than ever. Jisung is the first to stop squealing, “I’ve known Minho for so long, and this is the first time he’s done that!”

“Not really.” Seungmin corrects before waving his hand dismissively, “Well, the first time in a while anyway. Looks like the Ice Prince is melting.”

You don’t get to dwell on the implications of Seungmin’s words - implying that Minho acted like that with someone before - because Felix is the next to giddily speak, “Well? Why’d he do that? What happened?”

“He just walked me back to my hotel room. Then...we both said good night, and he just leaned in. It was super fast! You’re all overreacting!” you yell, causing the three to laugh.

“Ohoho. You probably liked it.” Jisung wiggles his eyebrows teasingly, “Ooooh you wanted to kiss him so bad I bet!”

“No I did not!” your face twists in mock-disgust.

“Kissy kissy on the lips.” Felix playfully puckers his lips at you.

Your cheeks are as red as apples, and your ears are burning at the tips. “Felix!” you complain.

“Look at you all shy!” Seungmin teases.

This prompts you to get up from the chair and push him into the pool. He emerges with a laugh, but the three boys soon swim close to the edge and grab your wrist. Jisung smirks, “You have your phone with you?”

“No, I put it on the table there by the - ”

You don’t get to finish because the three of them pull you into the pool, causing you to scream in surprise. When your head emerges above the water surface, hair and clothes all soaked, you pinch each of their ears. “The three of you are so dead.” you grit your teeth, but their cheeky grins are enough to cause you to break into laughter.

“My, my. What children.” Jeongin teases as he arrives at the entrance of the pool room.

“You’re one to talk, you snitch.” you smirk.

Jeongin winks, “Not snitch. I prefer the term ‘wingman’.”

“Where’d you learn to talk like that?”

“...K-drama.”

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mevekagvain · 3 years

Text

Chapter 173 - Raskreia wears at least two rings on her right hand so I'm just gonna hc she wears them on each finger. Let her punch people please.

- Extremely hilarious how Seira's all "I cannot lie to the lord, it is illegal and ignoble." Meanwhile Gejutel's just "Now what bullshit am I gonna spout today ^^?" The reason he and Frankenstein are unwilling friends is because they have that in common even if neither will admit it.

Chapter 174 - Ludis and Karias,,, adorable. In fact, Karias' first panel appearance had him at peak pretty boy. Love it. Otoh, Rozaria and Kei are intimidating. Between Rozaria, Seira, and Raskreia, and even Claudia and Edian, all noble women are intimidating as they should be.

- The fact that Ludis keeps his coat's top buttons unbuttoned so you can see his plain white shirt underneath 😶. Works perfectly with my 'he's bffs with Rozaria and is closest to Karias since he's the only one who can handle and understand him completely' hc since that means the two rubbed off on him.

- Raskreia ily but could you not destroy the throne room just by raising your voice. That shit is expensive. Worrying that the clan leaders have no reaction though like okay maybe their infrastructure and architecture just all sucks.

- Ludis being the first to speak up,,, love him. Son.

- Still super fucked up that clan leaders who don't enter eternal sleep with the lord are looked down upon. Mvp lord obvsly was fine with it but the current generation? Yeah uh...

Chapter 175 - His smile to the Central Knight reporting to him 🥺 son boy ily

- M-21, Takeo, Tao, dw about Frankenstein. Man only needs like 30 minutes of sleep canonically so he had plenty of time to write up your shit.

- Regis darling hasn't mastered the art of jumping down from impossible heights yet. I guess that's something nobles actually need to train for.

Chapter 176 - Imagine going home and learning your house, garden, and surrounding land is now forbidden territory like, I wouldn't know whether to be flattered or insulted. Like mostly I'd be worried about the state of the house ofc but aside from that.

- I still can't get over the size because it's not even just one building, it's multiple buildings for two people. Raizel and his brother.

- Tao electrocuted the Central Knight so hard his clothes turned white goddamn.

Chapter 177 - Awfully romantic of you to give Raizel jewellery, esteemed lord. And even more awfully romantic of you to go find said jewellery as your first priority, beloved noblesse.

- Maybe mvp lord just trusted the traitors because he's only seen them mayne 10 times in his life. Nothing in canon proves me otherwise.

Chapter 178 - Raskreia, rebuilding costs. I'm begging you to stop destroying the throne room 😭

- Maybe it's cold because the entire estate has been abandoned and not had any upkeep for centuries. Ever thought about that?

Chapter 179 - The sanctuary only opening up on full moons is so dumb and inconvenient so I'm just gonna pretend that what it means is that it opens up for everyone else on full moons but noblesse can enter at any time.

- I do hc that the statues leading to the sanctuary/in the sanctuary are of previous noblesse but I also find it hilarious because... extremely buff noblesse. I bet unlike Raizel they'd beat people up and only use their powers as a last resort which is ofc exactly what he should be doing. In fact I bet all noblesse did that and he's just dumb. Angel noblesse whacking a noble with a stick until they die while still looking holy or perhaps looking like the devil <3 Door lady is just a noblesse with super high self esteem who wanted to make the sanctuary door cool.

Chapter 180 - Better suited to be lord how??? Raizel would be a horrible lord he doesn't know how to do anything. I still say he's illiterate in Lukedonian. He struggles to learn to press a singular button. You want him to run a nation???

- So mvp lord 100% just uses Ragnarok as decoration yes? I bet he hangs it up above his bed.

- The "I am glad you are safe" at the end of the message in the noblesse' sanctuary always makes my heart hurt like god for all his humour and personality, Ashoka truly and deeply cared for everyone and everything.

Sidenotes - Raskreia looks so pretty with her red eyes and just extremely regal as always. I love her. Wonder if she ties that cravat herself though, or does she just magic it.

- I've said this before and I'll say it again, Rajak truly has no reaction to anything. He does not care. The guy does not give a fuck as long as the laws are upheld.

#noblesse #raining while reading

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sl-walker · 3 years

Photo

All right, since I’m in the middle of a flare and have to work manual labor for the next four days despite it, I figured I would make myself -- and hopefully other people -- laugh by talking about one of my favorite OG Captain Marvel stories. Namely, from Whiz #50, with a cover date of January, 1944, meaning it was probably produced sometime in late 1943.

I want to share it because why not, this is some absurdly charming stuff.

I’ll get more into why it’s one of my favorites as we go, in the form of running commentary. So, full story (with said commentary) under the cut. If you wanna just read the story without my commentary, stick to the pictures. XD

First, let me say that the cover and splash page definitely live up to the story, though the cover’s a bit more sensationalized. But the premise is pretty damn simple: Our intrepid hero and his newsboy alter ego are on vacation. Cap decides to go swimming. It goes hilariously wrong and thus ensues a bit of a madcap adventure, no puns intended.

Second, the fact that Cap and Billy are depicted as essentially different entities makes what Billy does next the ultimate trolling:

Gee, airing out the stolen laundry on the radio? Really? I’ll leave it up to you, gentle reader, whether Billy actually was trolling his own alter-ego for ratings or whether he was just innocently sharing the story while his other-self winced quietly in whatever ether-space he exists in when not front-and-center.

Either way, I love it.

Continuing on...

I get a kick out of the fact that Billy’s monologue is that he’s no dare-devil. One, because that’s so obviously not true in any way -- (that kid is awesomely, sometimes recklessly brave on the regular even without Cap) -- but two, because the bridge is actually named Dare-Devil Bridge. We aren’t given any reason why this dangerous potential death-trap is there, hanging without so much as a gate or a warning sign or anything, because we don’t need one. It’s there specifically for what happens next.

Which, of course, is Billy calling in Captain Marvel, who does some light complaining about the situation Billy left him in. There’s no bite to it, which I find adorable -- Cap actually does get frustrated once or twice in other issues with Billy calling on him for mundane stuff, though he’s never mean about it -- but there is a bit of the sense of being put-upon there that’s just-- I dunno, cute. It’s something I miss a lot in the various post-crisis takes on the character: That duality, that difference in personality, and the way each of them responds to different situations. Often, they’re on the same page, but notably, sometimes, they aren’t.

Someday, I promise, I need to sit down and write how I think that works between those two without being a truly frightening mental illness manifested, what with them being the same person but not the same person. Because I have so many ideas, and I’ve only had since the early-2000s to percolate them. LOL! But until then, just enjoy this.

Here is another reason why I love the Golden Age Captain Marvel books and why I love this specific story: This is an absolutely normal, mundane thing to do. It’s the human thing to do. These aren’t the actions of some super-serious superdude. These are the actions of a pretty shockingly normal guy doing something mundane. And a whole story is built around that normalcy.

It’s cute. It’s funny. It’s the reader already knowing that he’s getting himself into a situation that he absolutely could have avoided, but also completely understanding how it happened anyway. It’s pretty brilliant writing: I say this as a pretty damned good writer myself.

So much of the reason why, I think, Cap was so endearing as a hero is that humanity. He’s got pretty much god-tier power in the Golden Age, once his powerset is established. He’s utterly invulnerable to all physical harm while powered up. But-- he’s human. He knows he’s human. He acts like it, and decides, “You know what? I’m going skinny-dipping.”

He and Billy are both characters it’s so easy to empathize with.

Also, a reminder that the art under Chief Artist C.C. Beck is really, really good. (He had a whole stable of artists to help produce this stuff!) Ignoring registration issues on the printing press, the actual line art is amazingly good; proportion and perspective and consistency.

But anyway--Cap does get to enjoy his swim. But, then, oh no.

I love the idea of a world where the prime hero -- and he definitely is in that world -- can take off his suit and go swimming, and where someone else is bold enough to steal the damn suit off of him. The first time I read this, I started laughing here. Not at him, but at the situation he’s found himself in. At the idea that some random passer-by saw Captain Marvel’s costume and went yoink!

Another thing I love about this particular story is how much Cap and Billy have to work together, just by necessity. Like-- it’s just really good. But anyway, thank everything Billy Batson is on the ball, coming to the rescue.

Sheer bad luck via the weather keeps this story rolling along in hilarious misdirections. Realistically, that uniform probably wouldn’t be all buttoned together (we see Cap take off pieces of it aside the pants in other issues, including socks!), but who cares? The point of the story is that giant bear rug on the floor’s gonna get put to use.

Man, when have you ever seen Superman creeping naked through some stranger’s house wearing nothing but a random polar bear because he went skinny dipping? No wonder these comics sold so well. This next panel is when I start wheezing, though, and pretty much keep wheezing.

“A lady, too! I’ve got to get away from here!”

I’m dying at this point. That’s such a characteristic response, and yet, I think that’s why it’s funny.

Anyway, because this is an excellent story (I mean this without an ounce of irony, too), our dynamic duo stumbles across a plot in play to rob the hotel they’re staying at.

Here’s a big part of why this is such a good tale: Everything fits. Even when it isn’t explained, like Dare-Devil Bridge, it still fits. Why is the tree down? Because there was just a thunder storm, the same one that blew Cap’s suit into the room with the gangsters.

I don’t know if this is Otto Binder’s story, but I wouldn’t be surprised in the least. It’s a complete story told in relatively few pages that accomplishes everything it’s meant to.

Anyway, using foliage as cover, Cap gets to be heroic----then Billy gets to get back to the business of trying to stop the robbery of the hotel and get his heroic alter-ego dressed again. Which leads to a rather adorable and funny scene of Billy not only trying to describe what Captain Marvel wears, but what size it would need to be tailored in.

(Cap is supposedly a 44 for a suit coat, we find in some earlier appearance, which would refer to his chest size. So, an XL for shirts and suit-coats. He’s a big guy, but he’s actually not a hulking huge guy. But more on that later.)

I love the fact Billy tries to like-- use himself as a model. Maybe in another ten years, kiddo. Billy’s actually pretty buff for like a 12-14 year old, he’s not a scrawny kid at this point, but yeah, no. LOL!

Another thing I also really, really love about this style, though, is that they draw Captain Marvel as being strong, as having a powerful build-- but not as a dehydrated body-builder with deep cuts. He’s got human proportions, regardless of his strength; he’s got a human build, not a superhuman one.

C.C. Beck had a lot of things to say about superheroes who were just muscles on top of muscles, all clearly defined, and he didn’t like it. As someone who first got into comics in the early 90s with Jim Lee’s X-Men--

I do get Beck’s point. I not only get it, but I really highly approve of it. He maintained to the end that he drew (and oversaw) the Marvel family to look like high school and college athletes, and I can see that. I think the one person who’s gotten it right in the modern era is Evan “Doc” Shaner, who did Convergence: Shazam! He not only nailed that strong-but-not-hulking build for Cap, but also how young he looked. College-age, in fact.

But anyway, enough digression into art and why I like this better than most modern takes on the character. Also, that’s just a cute set of panels.

I also like that there wasn’t an easy fix there. Cap’s still in his not-birthday suit, and Billy’s still stuck running around trying to solve the issues at hand. Next comes some other really good panels:

-snorts- He’s locked in. Yeah, that’ll hold him.

Anyway, what I really liked here was again that tandem working; Billy can’t punch through a wall, but Cap can. Cap can’t crawl out while he’s au natural -- well, he could, but he’d probably rather die first -- but Billy’s got no such issue. It’s just fun when you get to see them doing something like that. You have to really think for a minute about the trust each of them must have in their alter-ego.

ANYWAY, we get the rare treat then--

--of Captain Marvel not only yoinking a dude into a dark room, but then stealing his clothes. Except, not his underwear. Because that’s nasty. LOL!

I love that in this series, you do actually get to see him wear other stuff. Go incognito. Get his red suit messed up enough to take it to a dry cleaner’s, wherein he ends up dressed like a musketeer after. Jerry Ordway’s series is, I think, the only other time we see Cap not wearing his famous suit, but it happened enough in the Golden Age that it wasn’t a shock.

Like, I hate to be the one to say this, but I do think DC drops the ball often on just how much you can do with Captain Marvel (or Shazam, depending on timeline, but that’s the wizard’s name to me so mostly I’ll stick with the original name) if you unbend enough to. It’s not just the costume change, or the duality of him and Billy being the same but not, but also his inherent, essential humanity.

But I am digressing again, sorry. XD I just feel strongly enough about these versions of these characters to spend hours writing this.

Anyway, only a single panel later:

And that’s that! Billy Batson has just outed his own alter-ego’s most embarrassing moment to whomever’s listening to WHIZ radio -- thank everything podcasts and the internet weren’t available then, ha! -- and we get to see a recounting of a very fun story.

Like I said earlier, I love this one for its essential humanity. The hero got himself into this mess, he and Billy got him out of this mess, and stopping the criminals was actually just kind of a lucky stroke thrown in there. But even though Cap got himself into this, the story never treats him like he’s stupid. It never treats him like he’s some kind of idiot. You’re laughing, but-- not in a mean way.

I love how human it is. How complete it is. How genuinely funny it is. It’s a thousand times more funny when you genuinely love and respect Captain Marvel and Billy Batson, too.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this dissertation on a skinny-dipping hero. LOL! I enjoyed sharing it with you.

#dc captain marvel #billy batson #shazam #whiz comics

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queenofcats17 · 4 years

Text

Remember that HLVRAI Coraline AU? Here’s the thing I wrote for it.

Original idea came from me, @lady-lampblack, and @sbpstudios

This is also really old and I’m now finally finishing it. Some things have changed since the initial post because I had ideas.

-----------------------------------------------------

Joshua hadn’t wanted to move.

He’d liked his house and his friends and his school and hadn’t wanted to leave. But his dad had calmly explained that while he didn’t want to leave either, his new job was in another state. And while his dad hadn’t said it outright, Joshua knew money was tight. He’d heard his dad talking about not having enough money to keep the house when Gordon had thought Joshua was asleep.

Barney had offered to help, but Gordon had gently turned him down, pointing out that Barney had his own things to deal with. A security guard’s salary could only go so far and Gordon didn’t want Barney sacrificing his own health and safety just to help him.

So, they’d moved.

Joshua, his dad, and his dad’s roommate.

Joshua sat in the back of the moving truck, staring up at the ceiling while he listened to his dad and Benrey argue.

“We’re seriously not gonna have wi-fi for the whole weekend? That’s lame, dude.”

“Look, I couldn’t get anyone to come out any sooner. And it’s only for one weekend.”

“Lame, bro.”

“Well, I don’t know what you want me to do. That’s just how it’s gonna be.”

“Are there gonna be other kids at our new house?” Joshua asked, getting up so that he could look at Benrey and Gordon. Benrey was playing on his PSP while Gordon drove the moving truck.

Even if he had to move halfway across the country, maybe he could still manage to make some cool new friends.

“I dunno, bud,” Gordon admitted. “The landlord mentioned that he doesn’t usually rent to families with kids, so...probably not.”

“Oh.” Joshua’s face fell and he allowed himself to slump back onto the floor of the truck.

“I’m sorry, Joshie,” Gordon said, glancing back at his son.

Joshua said nothing. It wasn’t fair. The last time they’d moved, it had only been to another city, but it had still been hard. He’d been yanked away from his friend and had to make new friends. And now he’d have to make new friends all over again.

“You’ll still have us, little man,” Benrey said, looking over his shoulder at the little boy slumped on the floor.

“It’s not the same,” Joshua mumbled. “I wanna have friends my own age.”

“I know. I’m sorry, Joshie.”

Joshua said nothing else for the rest of the drive, curled up in a little ball.

Benrey and Gordon continued to talk off and on. Although it sounded like arguing, Joshua knew that was just the way the two of them were. They’d been this way for as long as he could remember. He knew his dad and Benrey cared a lot about each other, they’d lived together Joshua’s whole life after all, but neither of them seemed willing to admit it. Which made no sense to Joshua. He didn’t get why they didn’t just admit they liked each other. But then again, Joshua didn’t get a lot of stuff about grown-ups.

He ended up falling asleep, only being woken up by his father announcing that they were there. Yawning and rubbing his eyes, Joshua sat up and peered out the windshield. Immediately his eyes widened.

The building before them looked like something out of a historical drama, aside from the fact that it was all painted bright pink. It was massive, with what Joshua saw as towers, tons of windows, and a huge porch.

“That’s our house?” Joshua asked, his voice hushed in awe.

“Well, kind of,” Gordon said. “The house got converted into apartments a while ago, so we’re going to be living in one of the apartments.”

Joshua was briefly disappointed, but it didn’t last long. Apartments meant there would be other people, so he wouldn’t be alone. Plus, the house was in a wide open area so he could run around all he wanted.

“Can I look around?” Joshua asked, bouncing up and down. “I wanna look around!”

“Sure, just give me a second to find the landlord-”

But Joshua wasn’t listening. He’d heard ‘sure’ and had run with it, scrambling over the seat and Benrey to get out the door and onto the lawn.

He took off across the grass, eager to explore everything about the apartment complex. He’d never lived in an apartment in a house before! However, in his excitement, he failed to notice the man emerging from basement apartment. Before either knew what was happening, Joshua had plowed right into the man, knocking them both to the ground.

“Joshie!” Gordon yelled, running after him. “Don’t go running off like that!” He knelt down and helped the man up. “I’m so sorry.”

“It-It’s okay,” the man replied with a smile. “I wasn’t looking where I was go-going either.”

The man was tall, even to Gordon, which meant that he looked like a giant to Joshua. He was wearing what could only be called “dad clothes”, his attire consisting of a loud Hawaiian shirt, cargo shorts, and socks and sandals.

“You’re really tall,” Joshua announced.

The man blinked, then laughed. “I get that a lot.”

“So...do you live here?” Benrey asked, peering past Gordon.

“Not...exactly?” The man laughed again. “I-I’m the landlord.”

Gordon’s face went as pale as it was conceivably able to. Benrey put a hand on Gordon’s shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly.

“What’s a landlord?” Joshua asked loudly, still captivated by this strange man.

“It means he owns the building the apartments are in.” Gordon’s voice went up an octave. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Coolatta, I-”

“It’s alright,” the landlord cut him off with a reassuring smile. “And yo-you can call me Tommy.”

“Oh, uh, okay, Tommy?” Gordon laughed nervously. “It’s...Um...It’s nice to meet you?”

“You-You too.”

Joshua was getting bored sitting there. He wanted to keep running and exploring, not listen to the adults talk. So, he began to look around while his father and Tommy continued to talk.

Benrey stepped out from behind Gordon, hands shoved in the pockets of his sweatpants. “So, uh, Feetman said-”

“Don’t call me that in front of our landlord!” Gordon hissed, swatting at Benrey’s shoulder.

This didn’t seem to deter Benrey in the slightest as he kept going. “Feetman said you didn’t rent to people with kids. Why’d you let us in?”

"We-Well, you just seemed so desperate,” Tommy replied. “It did-didn’t feel right to turn you away.”

“Thank you again, Mr. Coo- Tommy,” Gordon quickly corrected himself. “I really appreciate you letting us rent here.”

“It’s no problem,” Tommy assured him.

“So, uh, how much do I owe you for the first month’s rent?” Gordon asked, digging out a notepad.

As the three adults began to hash out the first rent payment of the month, Joshua spotted a flash of black in the bushes. Curious, he crept over. As he got closer, a cat emerged from the foliage. It was a slender tuxedo cat, its fur sleek and glossy. It almost looked like it was wearing a little suit with the way its fur was patterned. It looked up at Joshua with piercing blue eyes that almost seemed to glow.

Joshua reached for it, transfixed by its gaze. There was a strange intelligence to the way it looked at him. As if it were somehow....human.

“Joshie!”

At the sound of Gordon’s voice, the cat turned tail and ran, disappearing into the shrubbery once more.

“Joshie!” Gordon repeated. “We’re going to start unloading the truck!”

“You gotta stake out your room or else we’ll steal the best one,” Benrey added with a grin.

“Hey! No fair!” Joshua protested.

He ran back to his father and Benrey, the cat momentarily forgotten.

Tommy, however, watched the bushes with a solemn expression. As the three new tenants began to unload their belongings, he disappeared into the woods outside the apartments, following the lead of the cat.

Joshua spent the next few weeks meeting the other residents of the Pink Palace.

Downstairs were Mr. Bubby and Mr. Coomer. They were married and had been in the circus together when they’d been young. Bubby was constantly boasting about his fire-breathing act and often still attempted to set things on fire, much to Tommy’s dismay. Coomer was still incredibly buff, even at his age, and could often be found chopping wood for Bubby to use in his little arson attempts. The whole fire thing was enough to make Gordon wary, so Joshua mostly only visited them when Gordon didn’t know about it.

Upstairs was Darnold. He was a high school chemistry teacher, although he didn’t want to do any cool experiments with explosions. Still, he was pretty fun to hang out with because he knew a lot of cool stuff about science. Even if he didn’t want to do explosion experiments, he was still happy to lead Joshua in some safer ones. Joshua got dropped off at his apartment a lot to be babysat while his father and Benrey worked because Darnold was the most normal and stable of the other tenants. Not to mention it was summer, so Darnold didn’t need to be at the school.

Next door was Forzen, who Joshua had only seen once. He was an ex-soldier and a bit of a shut-in. Joshua had been told to leave him alone.

And then there was Tommy. Tommy lived in a different house away from the Pink Palace, coming by every day to check on everyone. He was by far the coolest person Joshua had ever met, aside from Darnold and his dad and Benrey, and his dog was awesome. Sunkist was big enough for Joshua to ride! Tommy had let Joshua ride her a few times and it had been amazing.

But as awesome as Tommy was, there were certain things about him that were...strange. Whenever he thought other people weren’t watching, Joshua had noticed that his expression became strangely solemn. And he always seemed sad whenever he was around Joshua, even though he tried to hide it.

Not to mention, Joshua had seen him talking to the cat he’d seen on his first day at the Pink Palace. It always happened on the outskirts of the property, with Tommy crouched down and the cat half-hidden by the bushes.

“Whose cat is it?” Joshua asked Darnold one day after he’d been dropped off at the man’s apartment for the day.

“I’m...not sure what you mean,” Darnold said, looking up from the vegetables he’d been cutting. He was making a stir fry for both of them for lunch, which meant his usual bowtie and sweater vest combo had been removed and his shirtsleeves were rolled up to his elbows.

“There’s a cat I see sometimes. It’s black and white and it’s got these really pretty blue eyes,” Joshua explained. “Whose cat is it?”

Darnold hummed, frowning slightly. “I don’t think it really belongs to anyone. It just....” He gestured vaguely with his free hand. “Lives in the woods and shows up sometimes. No one’s sure where it came from. Tommy takes care of it sometimes, though.”

Now it was Joshua’s turn to frown. “So you don’t know anything about it?”

“Nope.”

“Uuuugh.” Joshua groaned, sinking down on Darnold’s couch.

“Sorry.” Darnold smiled apologetically.

“Well, do you at least know why Mr. Coolatta doesn’t let people with kids live here?”

“Also no.”

Joshua groaned again, sinking further into the couch.

“I always figured it was due to some safety hazard,” Darnold said, returning to his cutting of vegetables. “Although, Bubby and Coomer say that that rule was in place even when Tommy’s father owned the place.”

This piqued Joshua’s interest. The first thing that ran through his mind was that there was some sort of conspiracy going on here. Some hidden secret.

Maybe it had to do with the weird door little he’d seen in the living room. The one that led to a brick wall and was only opened with a key shaped like a button. Gordon had figured it had probably connected the room that was their living room to whatever the correlating room in Forzen’s apartment was and had been bricked up when the house had been made into apartments. A simple enough explanation. But Joshua didn’t quite believe it.

Something was going on here.

Joshua had to find out what it was.

This turned out to be harder than Joshua had expected. Darnold didn’t know anything about the door or the rule, as he’d learned, he couldn’t talk to Forzen, and when he’d asked Tommy, the landlord had reacted rather strangely.

“Oh, w-well, you know,” Tommy had said with a nervous laugh. “Sa-Safety hazards an-and all that. Oh, would you lo-look at the time!” He’d then turned and absolutely sprinted away, not even answering the question about the door.

Which left Bubby and Coomer.

Joshua stood at the top of the stairs leading down to their apartment, a notebook clutched to his chest. Both his father and Benrey were out at work, so no one was there to stop him. Taking a deep breath, he marched down the stairs and knocked on the door.

Almost immediately, the door was opened, revealing the beaming face of one Doctor Harold Pontiff Coomer. Coomer was not a tall man, but he was a big one. He looked like a teddy-bear come to life while wearing long-sleeves. But when those long sleeves came off, one could see properly how Coomer was built like a brick wall.

“Ah, hello Joshua!” Coomer said brightly.

“Hello, Mr. Coomer,” Joshua said, drawing himself up to his full height, which was not all that tall. “I’ve got some questions I wanna ask.”

“Questions?” Coomer repeated, amusement flickering in his eyes.

“Mm-hm!” Joshua nodded resolutely, holding his notebook to his chest.

“What sorts of questions?” Coomer asked.

Joshua was about to answer until Bubby’s voice came from deeper in the apartment. “Who is it?!”

“It’s Joshua!” Coomer called back without missing a beat. “The boy from upstairs!”

“He’s still alive?” There was some shuffling and Bubby appeared, wearing a faded blue bathrobe and squinting at Joshua over the top of his incredibly thick glasses.

“Why wouldn’t I be alive?” Joshua asked.

“There’s a monster here that eats kids,” Bubby answered matter-of-factly. “Would’ve thought it’d have put its little feelers out by now.”

“A monster?” Joshua’s eyes widened, all thoughts of the little door gone.

“Yeah, why do you think they don’t rent to kids?” Bubby folded his arms. “Monster. Eats kids.”

“So Mister Tommy knows?”

“But of course!” Coomer replied. “His father never let him come near this place when he was a child for fear young Tommy would be snapped up!”

“And there’s no way Greg didn’t tell the kid about it when he took over running the place,” Bubby added.

Joshua nodded, scribbling this information down.

He’d known something was going on!

“What do you know about the monster?” Joshua demanded, his face screwed up in adorable determination.

“Not much.” Bubby shrugged. “It’s weird, it eats kids, got a thing for buttons I think.”

“It lures you in by giving you everything you could possibly want.” Coomer’s expression was suddenly dark, his voice low and solemn. “It grants your heart’s deepest desires and then it steals away everything that makes you you. It eats your life and drains your soul until there is nothing left but an empty husk.”

There was a long pause as both Bubby and Joshua stared at Coomer.

“Jesus Christ, Harold,” Bubby finally said.

“Or so I’ve heard!” Coomer’s bright expression and peppy tone immediately returned. “So don’t go following any strange button-eyed creatures!”

Joshua nodded slowly, clutching his notebook to his chest like a safety blanket.

Thankfully, his attention was drawn away by the sound of his father’s voice. “Joshie? Joshie where are you?”

“I gotta go,” Joshua announced, looking back at Bubby and Coomer. “Thank you for your valuable information.”

“Don’t get eaten!” Bubby yelled after him as he ran away. “You see any spider looking fucks, you set them on fire!”

Gordon was standing on the porch in front of their door, looking slightly panicked as he scanned the lawn to see if he could locate Joshua. Benrey had a hand on Gordon’s shoulder, rubbing his thumb in circles on Gordon’s shirt. Gordon visibly relaxed when he saw Joshua running up.

“There you are, bud.” He knelt and opened his arms, allowing Joshua to run into them. “You had me really worried. I couldn’t find you anywhere.”

“Sorry, Dad,” Joshua mumbled. “Just wanted to ask Mr. Bubby and Mr. Coomer some stuff.”

“What kinda stuff?” Benrey asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“I wanted to know why Mr. Tommy doesn’t let people with kids live here,” Joshua said. “Mr. Darnold said it’s been that way since Mr. Tommy’s dad owned the house.”

“And did they have an answer for you?” Gordon asked as he picked Joshua up.

Joshua lit up, nodding enthusiastically. “Yeah! They said there’s a monster that eats kids and that’s why Mr. Tommy and Mr. Tommy’s dad don’t want kids here!”

“That’s an interesting story,” Gordon said with a somewhat unsure smile.

“If there’s a monster, why’d he rent to us?” Benrey asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Tommy did say we seemed desperate.” Gordon’s smile slipped a bit.

“It’s okay, Dad.” Joshua put his little hands on the sides of his father’s face, staring at him with an adorably determined expression. “If I meet any monsters, I’ll kick their butts.”

Gordon blinked, then laughed softly and kissed Joshua’s forehead. “Of course.”

“I’m a cowboy! I’ll kick their butts!” Joshua insisted as Gordon carried him inside.

“Hell yeah you will.” Benrey agreed, following them inside.

Gordon sighed, although he couldn’t help but smile while he did. “Don’t encourage him, Benrey.”

Dinner that night was spaghetti, which Joshua couldn’t help but complain about a little. It was just noodles and store bought sauce, both of which were rather bland.

“I’m sorry, bud.” Gordon smiled wearily. “I’m just kind of tired.”

“You’re always tired,” Joshua grumbled, sinking lower in his chair.

Gordon got very quiet after that. Benrey immediately jumped in to fill the silence with his rambling about PlayStation, but Joshua could tell he’d struck a nerve.

That night, after he was supposed to have gone to bed, he crept to his bedroom door to listen to his father and Benrey talking from the living room.

“I’m a horrible dad,” Joshua heard Gordon mumble. It sounded like he’d been crying. “I’m ruining his life and he’s going to hate me when he’s older.”

“You’re doing the best you can, bro,” Benrey replied.

“But is it good enough?” Gordon demanded. “You heard him! I’m always tired!”

“Yeah, well, busting your ass 24/7 is gonna do that to you.”

“I’m not giving him the kind of life he deserves, Benrey! He’s only eight and we’ve already had to move twice!”

“You’re doing the best you can,” Benrey’s voice grew soft, barely audible through the door. “And even if you can’t always be there, he knows you love him, Gordon.”

There was a loud sniffle, likely from Gordon.

“Thanks, Benrey.”

“No prob, dude. Now.” The creak of someone, presumably Benrey, getting up from the couch. “I’m gonna go get you some water and check on the little dude, okay?”

“Okay.”

Joshua scrambled to get back in bed, hiding under his covers to pretend he was sleeping. He could hear Benrey’s footsteps coming closer, then the door opening. Joshua laid as still as he possibly could, trying to keep his breathing even.

There was a beat of silence, then, “I know you’re awake, kiddo.”

“How’d you know?” Joshua popped up.

“You and Gordo snore real loud when you’re actually asleep,” Benrey said as he leaned on the doorframe. He’d turned on the lights, illuminating the room and his smirk.

“I do not snore,” Joshua huffed, folding his arms and pouting.

“Sure, kiddo.” Benrey strode into the room. “Now, it’s past your bedtime. You gotta sleep now.”

Joshua laid back down, continuing to pout as Benrey tucked him back in.

“Why don’t you and Dad get together?” He asked after a moment.

Benrey froze, hands hovering over the blankets. “.....Huh?”

Joshua stared up at him, his expression earnest and full of youthful sincerity.

“I know you guys like each other,” Joshua said. “So why don’t you get together?”

“It’s...complicated, little man.” Benrey started playing with the tassels on his hat.

“But you guys love each other!”

“Your dad’s been hurt by people he loved before.”

Joshua fell silent.

He knew exactly who Benrey was referring to.

Joshua knew virtually nothing about the man that was his other biological father. All he knew was that Gordon and this man had dated and the two of them had wanted to have a child together. Joshua. But when Joshua had actually been born, the man had skipped down, leaving Gordon alone with his newborn baby.

“Shifty bastard’s lucky I haven’t seen him since he pulled that stunt,” Joshua had heard Barney say once to Benrey after Gordon had gone to bed. “Otherwise I would’ve kicked his teeth in.”

The Calhoun brothers had a lot of feelings about Gordon’s former partner and absolutely none of them were positive, although they tried not to talk too much about him while Gordon was around.

Joshua himself didn’t particularly care about the man and seldom spared him a passing thought. Except when his dad was in pain. Then he thought about the man and wondered why he would leave Gordon all alone like this.

“But you’re not like him,” Joshua insisted.

“That doesn’t mean he’s not gonna be scared,” Benrey said, his voice soft. “When you’ve been burned like that...The fear never goes away.”

“So...Is he just gonna be miserable forever?” Joshua started to tear up. He didn’t want his dad to be miserable.

“Not forever. He just needs some time. He’ll be okay, I promise,” Benrey assured him, ruffling Joshua’s hair.

“...Are you gonna make sure he’s okay?”

“Yep. I’m kinda like a superhero, y’know? Keeping your dad safe from the shadows.”

Joshua giggled at Benrey’s attempt to look cool, his fears assuaged for the moment.

“Sleep well, bud.” Benrey kissed Joshua’s forehead and exited the room, closing the door behind him.

Joshua rolled over in bed, snuggling up under his blankets. Soon enough, he was fast asleep.

He was awoken hours later by what sounded like claws scrabbling on hardwood. He sat up, looking blearily around. The room was dark and the house was quiet. Aside from the claws on the wood, that was.

“Dad?” Joshua called out. “Benrey?”

There was no response.

Frowning, Joshua picked up the flashlight he kept next to his bed and put on his cowboy hat. His cowboy hat always made him feel braver. He crept into the hallway, shining his flashlight around. The sounds seemed to be coming from the living room.

The living room where the teeny door was.

Joshua walked a bit faster, sliding into the living room. There, in front of the little door, was the cat he’d seen outside. And a rat. A rat made of...cloth? The cat had the rat in its mouth, shaking it about as if trying to break the rat’s neck. In its own mouth, the rat clutched the button key to the door.

“Kitty? What are you doing in here?” Joshua asked, walking over to the cat.

The cat’s head snapped around to look at Joshua, and he got the strongest feeling that it was telling him to go back to bed. It was the same look that Gordon or Benrey gave him when they were very tired and really wanted him to just listen to them. Joshua took an instinctive step back. He hadn’t thought a cat was capable of such a human expression.

The rat took advantage of this shift in the cat’s attention to wriggle out of its mouth and through the little door with the key. Which was now open.

“Wait! You can’t take that key!” Joshua yelled, chasing after the rat without a second thought. “It’s not yours!”

The cat’s eyes widened as Joshua darted into the strange passage beyond the tiny door. It quickly followed after him, the door swinging shut behind them.

The tunnel beyond the door was.... strange. Joshua wasn’t sure why he felt like this, but he felt like he was crawling through the throat of something large. It felt....alive. He shook his head and tried to move faster.

Soon enough, he reached the end of the tunnel, pushing out into the room beyond.

“Umm...Hello?” Joshua stuck his head out of the doorway. It looked exactly like the room he’d left. Except...he could hear someone humming. Frowning, Joshua pulled himself out of the tunnel and got up, following the humming toward the kitchen.

Outside of the living room, the house looked different. It looked...He wasn’t sure how to describe it. It just looked...brighter. More welcoming.

“Hello?” He asked, pushing the kitchen door open.

There was a man in the kitchen. He had his back to Joshua and was humming while he chopped something on the counter. Upon hearing Joshua enter, he turned around, revealing....

“Dad?”

The man who looked like Gordon smiled warmly. He looked almost identical to Joshua’s father, with a few key differences. This man was far more put together than Joshua was used to seeing Gordon. His orange sweater and brown slacks were immaculate, and his hair was fluffy and swept back in neat ponytail.

And he had black buttons where his eyes should have been.

“Joshie!” The man who was not his father said, in a voice exactly like Gordon’s. “You’re just in time for dinner, bud!”

“You...You’re not my dad,” Joshua stammered, backing up.

“I’m your Other Father,” Not Gordon explained. “Now, could could you go tell your other Other Father that dinner’s ready now?”

“My....other Other Father?” Joshua repeated weakly.

“He’s in his study,” Other Gordon said, already turning away to start presumably plating the food.

“Okay.” Joshua nodded, turning away. He still had his flashlight clutched tightly to his chest.

He wasn’t sure what Other Gordon had meant by “study”. They didn’t really have a study. The closest they had was the designated game room, which Benrey did spend a lot of time in. So, Joshua headed there.

As he got closer to the game room, he could hear the sounds of a piano being played. Joshua frowned slightly at this. The closest thing to an instrument he’d ever heard Benrey play had been a kazoo, and that had only been to bother Gordon. Although, he had heard Barney mention once that Benrey had wanted to be a musician when he’d been younger.

When Joshua opened the door to the game room, he was greeted with the sight of another Benrey sitting at a piano. Like Other Gordon, Other Benrey was far more put together. He was wearing a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a blue vest, black dress pants, and a blue bowtie. His hair was slicked back against his head, as shiny as the blue buttons that constituted his eyes.

“Hey there, bud!” Other Benrey grinned upon seeing Joshua. “What’s up?”

“You can play the piano?” Joshua whispered, eyes wide with awe.

“Don’t need to. It plays me.” Other Benrey said with a wink.

A pair of gloves on mechanical arms emerged from the top of the piano, the gloves slipping on to Other Benrey’s hands and spinning him around to begin playing. Joshua almost dropped the flashlight as he scrambled forward to get a better look. It was incredible to watch Other Benrey’s fingers fly across the keys, even if it was mostly due to the gloves.

“That’s so cool!” Joshua exclaimed when Other Benrey had finished.

“Glad you think so, little man,” Benrey laughed, ruffling Joshua’s hair. “So, what can I do for you?”

“Oh, uh, he said to tell you that dinner’s ready,” Joshua replied, placing his cowboy hat back on his head.

“Oh hell yeah! I’m starving!” Other Benrey grinned, getting to his feet and scooping Joshua up in his arms. “We better not keep him waiting, huh?”

Joshua nodded. The anxiety he’d felt upon seeing the Other Gordon had calmed a bit with this Other Benrey, who was every bit as silly and comforting as the Benrey Joshua knew.

Other Benrey carried Joshua to the dining room, where Other Gordon was dishing up pancakes.

“Pancakes for dinner?!” Joshua’s eyes lit up as he was set down in his chair.

Pancakes for dinner was a rare occurrence at their house. Gordon and Benrey were always too tired to make pancakes most of the time.

“Of course,” Other Gordon said with a smile. “This is a very special occasion, which calls for a very special meal.”

“Hope you remembered the fruit, babe,” Other Benrey laughed, snaking an arm around Other Gordon’s waist and kissing him on the cheek.

“How could I forget? It’s your favorite part,” Other Gordon replied, playfully swatting at Other Benrey’s shoulder.

“You’re together?” Joshua asked, voice small but hopeful.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Other Benrey asked. “We love each other.

“And we love you,” Other Gordon continued, smiling softly down at Joshua. “We’re so glad to have you here.”

Joshua couldn’t help but smile. After everything that had been going on lately...This was exactly what he’d wanted.

Gordon and Benrey happy together, not tired or overworked, paying attention to him.

He almost didn’t want to go home.

#hlvrai #hlvrai au #coraline au #fanfiction

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naivesilver · 3 years

Note

top 5 adaptations of the Fairy from Pinocchio? (or maybe top 5 best AND 5 worst?)

I spent so long staring at this and wondering if I even KNEW five good Fairies, but it turns out I do, albeit mostly for asinine reasons. Anyway AHFAKKJKFHAHJKJA thank you <3

Ask me my top 5 anything

Obviously under the cut because I couldn't resist and did BOTH

The salt AKA the worst of the worst first:

1) Piccolino No Bouken

Surprised? I suppose most would have expected me to put the Disney Fairy first, and I did, too, for a while, but as I was sitting in my car pondering this ranking I realized I was SEETHING with rage about this one, so I had to rearrange things a bit. This, guys, is where my Fairy hate begins - not the book, not the Mouse's interference. This woman.

I hate her. I hate her SO MUCH, for all that I love this adaptation more than most things in the world, and that the choices made about her characterization were a huge inspiration for me. Not only does she not send Pinocchio to school, instead teaching him on her own, she is the only one to actively keep Pinocchio from his father - indeed, she makes the choice for them, saying to Geppetto's face that it would be best for the boy to be taught something before he goes back home. Who the hell are you to make this call, uh? You have known him for a day at most! You left him hanging from a fucking tree all night! I wouldn't trust you with a bloody lapdog, nevermind a child!

Also she lets Pinocchio believe she's dead UNTIL THE VERY END. She turns into a bird while he cries at her tomb. Are we fucking serious now? Leave him alone.

(Yes, this is elementary school me howling for revenge. I've been mad about this longer than reason would let me. Sue me.)

2) Disney's Pinocchio

Bane of my existence. I don't know if anyone remembers that pic of me at the Pinocchio theme park I posted a while ago, but basically in that moment they were putting up a little show to tell children a little bit of the OG story, and they asked the audience if they knew what color the Fairy's hair was - a few said blonde, and I, being on stage next to her, distinctly heard her mutter "dammit, Disney". I've been living with that mantra since then.

Nobody asked you to make that puppet sentient, ma'am. He doesn't owe you shit. Aside from that, just like Jiminy Cricket, she ruined her character in a good two thirds of future adaptation. And while we're speaking of Jiminy, WHY did she think it would be a good idea to entrust a little boy to a slime ball such as him? He's too horny to have an ounce of sense. Conscience, my ass.

Basically...begone, asshole.

3) Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night

This film is so horrible, the Fairy had no chance to be decent at all. A cheap copy of the Disney one, with the addendum that she turns MULTIPLE toys into living beings while holding them responsible for whatever they do after. Basically Victor Frankenstein, but make it a poorly dressed woman from a direct-to-TV movie that shouldn't have existed at all.

-100/10, at least you're pretty, but by God, SHUT UP.

4) Once Upon a Time

Honest to God if she doesn't keep her filthy hands off my faves she's gonna get a slap across the face so strong her Wish Realm self ought to feel it sting. I am not exaggerating.

Seven seasons in, she hasn't done ANYTHING useful that I can remember. She's not even good at her own fucking job! Not only that, she's traumatized and guilt-tripped a good chunk of the population of Storybrooke, including first and foremost my beloved son August. The Pavlovian reaction I had every time she appeared on screen can't be described in coherent words, only in eagle screeches.

She's wrong. On principle, she's wrong. Let's move on.

5) Luigi Comencini's Le Avventure di Pinocchio

Doesn't rank higher only because she's played by Gina Lollobrigida (my beloved). She's book accurate, which means she'd be annoying as fuck as it is, but what little they added only makes her worse.

She has the gall to tell Pinocchio she'd like to see him happier. Like, apart from the fact that the ghost of his father's deceased wife isn't exactly the most reassuring person to hear it from...Said father has been swallowed by a giant fish. You told that boy he's only going to see his father if he studies hard. You keep turning him into a puppet anytime he misbehaves. What did you expect, that he would do the Macarena every time he entered your house? I am honestly too shocked to say any more. What the fuck.

Okay, I've been enraged enough for a single night. Let's move onto brighter shores!

1) Enzo D'Alò's Pinocchio

Enzo D'Alò knows what the fuck is UP!!! The only one with the courage to let the Fairy be a weird little girl - not only for a short time, but up until the end of the movie! That takes guts! Balls of steel!

I've said before that this movie has nothing memorable to it, and it's true, but also...Pinocchio wanted a sister so bad, and the movie gave him one. And they even explained the plot hole of the medallion with Pinocchio's face in it! That's twice as good as the fact that they cut out the most awful parts of her story, which is already delightful.

Thank you, Mr D'Alò. You have my trust until the end of days.

2) The Adventures of Buratino

Speaking of weird girls, this one is officially balls to the walls enough to gain my respect. She's bothersome to Pinocchio, but she's bothersome to everyone and everything, so I'll let it pass. Her role is exclusively to appear out of nowhere and do batshit insane stuff for no good reason at all. A star.

Plus, other than having an handwashing obsession that I've felt very keenly in the past year and a half, she also has a boyfriend - her and Pierrot are the original girlboss and malewife, I'm not accepting any criticism on the matter.

(Fun fact: when I was a young kid I once dreamt that the Piccolino No Bouken Fairy was dating a big, buff and blonde farmhand. He wooed her by gifting Pinocchio a dog. Apparently I've always been very interested in Fairies getting a love life and staying the fuck away from my specialest little boy.)

3) Pinocchio miniseries

"Serena, but you said you were disappointed in this adaptation so many times!" True. But consider: I am also very, very queer, and Violante Placido being motherly and wearing wispy dresses stirred SOMETHING in 11yo me that I can't very well ignore.

In hindsight, she and the Cricket probably had something going on behind the scenes, which is a shame. Miss Fairy, I swear, you could do better than Luciana Littizzetto in an ill-fitting green suit. She's gonna break your heart and lose your puppet charge in a crowd of little idiots. Do me instead.

4) Pinocchio Vampire Slayer

This woman kills monsters - and she's damn good at it! Honestly, so badass, and such a good mother figure too, even in trying times. I don't want to spoil the comic much to those who haven't read it, but she and Cherry are the highlight of the first volume and I am very fond of them. A+.

5) Matteo Garrone's Pinocchio

This one's book accurate, too, but Garrone did something with her that almost burst in tears in a crowded theater. She's awful, and irritating, but she's...she's so human, too. I can't rage against a Fairy that's so impossibly human even during the smallest of scenes. It breaks me over and over again.

Look at her SMILING, for pity's sake, am I supposed to think there's some warmth in the dead lady? Fuck you, Matteo, what did you do to me? I am an honored Fairy hater. You're going to ruin my reputation if you keep this up.

#ask meme #bewilderemoth #pinocchio #the tag needed some more bullshit from yours truly didn't it

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jaceyneedsabetterusername · 3 years

Text

Enlighten Me

Pairings: Marcus Moreno x Reader

Summary: You’d been in love with Marcus since you were seventeen but wrote it off as a silly little crush on an older man. After seeing you again when you were 20, about six months after the loss of his wife, romantic feelings for you stir in Marcus that have him feeling confused. Two years of secretly pining after a seemingly impossible relationship leads to some confessions.

Warnings: Age Gap (13-ish years), Little angsty, Mentions of his wife’s death, Brief mention of pedophilia (Marcus just says he’s concerned about being seen this way), Brief mention of kidnapping (just super quickly says that reader saved kids from being kidnapped)

Word Count: 4200

______________

You stood in the briefing room of headquarters, waiting for the rest of the Heroics to arrive. Tech-no, Ms. Vox, Miracle Man, and Blinding Fast were the only other heroes there so far and the meeting couldn’t begin until everyone was present. Being in the Heroics Headquarters for the first time in what felt like forever sent nerves throughout your body like the first day of training. Even though you had always felt like a legitimate member of the team, you hadn’t been called on to do a job in a while. It was almost always Miracle Man, much to your secretly jealous chagrin, or occasionally Tech-no, depending on whether or not the problem could be fixed with gadgets. Regardless of who had been called how many times throughout the year, there was always an annual meeting of all the Heroics just to ensure that everyone was on the same page as far as current threats and protocols. This was that meeting.

You stood beside Tech-no, listening to him explain the newest creation he’d invented in an attempt to block out Ms. Vox and Miracle Man’s incessant voices. Both of the heroes were nice people but they had egos the size of China and it did get grating sometimes. You’d always found it best to just avoid the people who had annoyed you on the team instead of getting involved in the incessant bickering that constantly seemed to be plaguing the team.

“With a simple press of the blue button, I was able to send an EMP straight to the power source of the detonation system. Stopped the bomb and Miracle Man caught the lady. Pretty neat, huh?” Tech-no explained, his demeanor pretty calm despite knowing how excited he got when his devices were successful.

You smiled at his story, “Wow, that’s amazing!”

“Have you been called in lately? I haven’t seen you around in a while.” He noted, brows knitting in curiosity. He’d always been like a big brother of sorts to you, one of your favorite people on the team, so of course he would notice your lack of presence, especially after spending so much time together.

You shrugged, “Not much, only a handful of times this last year. I helped Sharkboy and Lavagirl with those elemental giants in Arkansas back in March and then Invisi Girl and I rescued all those kids from those kidnappers in Louisiana but it’s been a pretty dull year other than.”

Tech-no’s face twisted sadly, “I’m sorry. I know it’s no fun to get left out of the action.”

“It’s alright. Just gave me time to focus on my schoolwork.” You lied. Well, not about the schoolwork but about it being fine. You couldn’t lie that there were times you felt like you were treated like you were less important than the other Heroics for multiple reasons. Typically, the Heroics came up in generations where the last generation’s kids would take over for them. Most of the current Heroics had been born in about the same six year time period so they were all relatively the same age. However, your parents weren’t superheroes. They were just normal people who happened to somehow create a superhuman child. On top of that, you were about thirteen years younger than most of them. By the time you had decided to finally seek out help and direction from the Heroics at the age of seventeen, it was clear you were a strange in between age. The current generation had been in their late twenties-early thirties while their children, if they’d had any yet, were in the first two or three years of their lives. Especially after you’d been trained by Grandma Moreno, the team had taken to you quite well but always felt the need to protect you, despite the fact that you had superpowers, just like the rest of them.

The door to the room slid open soundlessly but after years of training with Grandma Moreno, it was something that you noticed right away. Your heart stopped when you saw Marcus Moreno walk into the room, all geared up and with his swords strapped to his back. Your eyes were trained on his tall strong figure as he glanced around the room, inspecting who had already arrived. Butterflies erupted in your stomach and you could have melted then and there when his gaze met your own. Small crinkles appeared at the corner of his eyes as a wide smile spread across his face. “Mirror! Long time no see! How you been, kid?” He asked happily, pulling you in for a big hug.

It took a lot of effort to not show how your heart fell when he called you that. Kid. It was all you’d ever be to him. You’d harbored a crush on him since you’d met him, though then you’d written it off as some puppy love crush on an older (and married) man. Over the years, though, the stupid feelings had anything but subsided, choosing to bubble up inside into some ridiculous unobtainable love for a man that would never love you back. Or so you thought.

When Marcus entered the room, his eyes were automatically scanning the space for your bright smile. It was the same smile that made his heart flutter the way his wife’s did. It was the only other smile to ever have brought him such feelings of longing. When he saw you talking to Tech-no, he couldn’t help the way his lips turned up into a wide smile.

These feelings made him uneasy, however. It felt wrong- inappropriate to have any sort of romantic feelings or attraction towards you being so much younger than he was. He had known you since you were seventeen and watched you grow into the beautiful young woman standing before him now, only growing more and more radiant with each time he saw you. By all accounts, you were an adult. You were on the verge of graduating from college, living on your own, and working a second job outside of being a Heroic. Even with all this, he was certain that if he had ever made his feelings known, you and the rest of the Heroics would look at him like some pedophile- except he was far from anything so disgusting. Any hint of romantic attraction to you hadn’t blossomed until you were twenty, when you had shown up at HQ one day, suddenly a woman instead of the girl he once knew. Even then, it was only a few months after the death of his wife and he was sure it was his heart’s way of trying to cope and fill the void with a safe presence. He was sure the feelings were purely temporary and hid them away from anyone, even himself for a while, but over the course of the last two years, he was almost frustrated to say they hadn’t subsided. Now you were twenty-two, strong and independent, beautiful and intelligent.

With all logic, Marcus knew that having feelings for you shouldn’t make him feel dirty, especially when he’d had aunts and uncles that were fifteen years apart in age, but he couldn’t help the way the nickname kid had spilled from his lips before he could catch it in a subconscious attempt at overcompensating for his emotions. He cringed internally but kept an altered look of happiness on his face. He caught the way the twinkle in your eye faded just a little at the name and he felt a little bad for making you feel like a child.

“Y’know, I have a real name.” You chided, rolling your eyes jokingly.

Marcus chuckled, “I can’t remember the last time anyone used their real names on duty.”

You raised your hand towards him, “I can’t remember the last time we didn’t just call you Marcus, even on duty. Besides, this hardly counts as being on duty.” You added, glancing around as more heroes shuffled into the room, clearly splitting off into groups based on how much they could stand one another, which wasn’t much.

“Well, I don’t really ever go out as an actual Heroic anymore so I don’t really count.” He insisted, noticing how your eyebrow raised, eyes glancing down at his uniform and the swords strapped to his back. “It’s more of a formality for meetings like this. I don’t usually wear it.”

“Okay, one, you do still count. You’re still the leader of this team. Two, if I have to wear this,” You motioned to your get-up, “You should have to suffer too.” You insisted with a laugh.

Marcus couldn’t help the way he glanced down at the mention of your suit, though he tried as hard as possible to not make it look like he was actually checking you out. The smokey grey material sparkled ever so slightly in the light and was skin tight, covering your arms and legs entirely. It was modestly cut at the top, though it still showed the curvature of your breasts due to the tightness of the material. Thin black lines drew long angular patterns down your arms, torso, and legs, before disappearing beneath your tall black boots that covered just above your knees. Your hair was braided back back there were still some tendrils that hung loose at the front. You were a sight for sore eyes and Marcus’s eyes must have been aching because he never wanted to look away.

Tech-no looked between the two of you, noticing the way he was seemingly forgotten about the moment you saw each other. He smirked to himself, noticing how both you and Marcus looked at each other differently than how you looked at anyone else. “I’m gonna go talk to Crushing Low but it was nice seeing you again, Mirror.” He excused himself, patting Marcus on the shoulder as he did.

“Oh, okay!” You had honestly almost forgotten about the other man, too entranced by Marcus’s presence.

It got quiet between you and Marcus after Tech-no had left, apparently having provided some sort of unknown buffer between the two of you for your unspoken tension. Marcus stood with his hands on his hips, looking down at you with a smile and you chewed your lip, trying to think of anything to say to break the silence.

“Well-”

“How-”

“Heroics, I’m glad you could all make it.”

You and Marcus had begun to speak at the exact same time, only to be cut off by the ever commanding presence of Ms. Granada as she floated into the room gracefully despite her insanely high heels. With momentarily startled eyes, you shot Marcus an apologetic look before making your way to your designated seat around the large circular table. You sat between Sharkboy and Miracle Man, Marcus taking his seat across the table from you and crossing his hands over the files you’d all been handed.

The meeting went quickly as Ms. Granada did a recap of the last year. In the file had been a list of all the missions gone on, all villains, new and old, as well as more boring things, like the budget for the upcoming year and guidelines on how to handle the press when situations got more destructive than preferred.

After she had finished everything up, you all rose from your seats and began to leave, very few members of the team wanting to be around each other any longer than necessary. You decided to hang around HQ a little longer, it having been a while since you’d been to the building. There was one place in particular you’d always loved. In the back of the massive building, there was a garden that had always felt a little out of place amongst all the cold clean metal of the facility but it was somewhere you’d always felt drawn to. There was a small pond with little koi fish that swam around inside and a moderate variety of plants, most of which were actually somewhat tropical looking, all around. Gravel formed a path that wound through the mulch, crunching beneath your boots as you walked and breathed in the fresh air. You knelt down beside the pond and watched contently as the little orange and yellow fish glided through the water effortlessly.

“Had a feeling I’d find you here.” Marcus’s voice startled you and you whipped around in a knee-jerk reaction.

Your heart rate slowed and you chuckled a little, “Yeah, couldn’t help it. It’s been a while since I got called here to help out with anything. Figured I’d better come to my favorite spots before I didn’t stop by for another few months.”

Marcus sighed knowingly. He knew you weren’t called in for many missions and he was partially to blame for it. When Granada consulted him on which Heroics to bring in when the world was in peril, he always suggested other people first. Perhaps it was selfish of him but he was honestly just terrified of losing you. Especially after his wife’s death, he wasn’t sure if he could handle losing you as well. It wasn’t that he thought you were incompetent by any means, he was just genuinely scared for you and the idea of Miracle Man getting a good beating made him feel better than the idea of you taking one.

“You know, you’re still a valued member of the team. Even if you’re not called in all the time.” Marcus tried to reassure you, walking beside you through the winding path of foliage.

You shrugged, “I guess. I know my powers aren’t as cool or useful as some of everyone else’s. I mean, Miracle Man can fly. Tech-no can build almost anything. Lavagirl can literally control lava. You’re a freaking magnet!”

You and Marcus both laughed when you called him that and he shook his head, “What are you talking about? You’re amazing! You can create physical projections of yourself! That’s pretty awesome.”

You felt the blood rush to your cheeks at his compliment but still just shrugged again, “Yeah, but I can only really make them do separate tasks when I really focus on them which is hard to do in the heat of battle.”

“Hey, you are talking down on one of my best friends and I really don’t appreciate it. You really are absolutely amazing, though, and everyone sees it.” Marcus stopped, hand coming to your shoulder to make you stop as well. A goofy little laugh followed his lame joke and you couldn’t help but feel the warmth blossom in your heart at his compliments. When you locked eyes with him, you were sure he could be the last thing you ever saw and you wouldn’t ask for anything more.

That bit of doubt still crept up into your mind though, even though Marcus had a way of making you feel like you were the most important person in the world. You glanced away, avoiding his gaze, “If that were true, I’d be picked for more missions. Sharkboy and Lavagirl live on another planet and have a six-year old. I’m single, kid-less, and live twenty minutes away. They both manage to go on more missions each in a month than I do in a year.”

Marcus’s face fell when you began to walk away again. He never would have thought that his attempts at keeping you safe would have had such an impact on your self-esteem as a hero. Marcus had seldom used his powers anymore, something he felt was unnecessary if he wasn’t actively working as a Heroic, but before he could help himself, his hand had flexed just enough to will the metal vambrace around your left forearm to pull towards him.

Your eyes shot down to the way your arm was being pulled towards Marcus and then back up at the man in utter confusion as to why he wouldn’t let you walk away. The force wasn’t strong by any means but just strong enough to draw your attention.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized simply, unsure of what else to say.

As far as you knew, none of what you had just said had been his fault. By the way he apologized, you could tell he wasn’t simply apologizing for the way you felt but it was like he was sorry for something that he’d done. “For what?” You asked, confused.

Marcus let his grip on your protective vambrace go and you took a natural step towards him, bodies closer than you meant them to be but not making any effort to correct it. “It’s my fault you don’t get called on often.” He admitted, looking away guiltily.

“What? How?” You asked, desperate to understand what he meant. He was the leader of the Heroics so you were sure that he had some say in who was called in but you had never thought to attribute your lack of action to him.

“Granada has actually suggested that we bring you in for many missions throughout the years but… I’ve always been the one to suggest other people.” Marcus continued slowly and he could see the hurt in your eyes at his confession.

Your mouth fell open a little, trying to hide the hurt in your eyes. Did he have any idea how long you’d been feeling undervalued? Less than? Treated like a little kid? “Why would you do that? Do you not think I’m good enough?”

The look in your eye almost made Marcus regret ever coming clean to you. He had hoped that telling you Granada had requested your assistance multiple times would make you feel better. Instead, he should have seen how this would just make you feel worse.

Your heart almost broke. You could handle Granada thinking you weren’t as good as everyone else. You could handle Miracle Man treating you like he was better than you (like he did to everyone). You could handle the mothering way Ms. Vox treated you and the way Tech-no treated you like a little sister. The one person whose opinion you valued the most had never outright treated you like you were less than. But now, it seemed that he’d thought you were all along.

“No! That’s not what I meant at all! You are one of the best people on the team. I just-”

“You just what?” You snapped more aggressively than you meant to, cutting him off before he could finish his sentence.

Marcus closed his eyes and turned his face away from you, “I just couldn’t risk losing you.” His voice was calm and guilty, remorseful and scared.

The venom in your chest began to subside at his confession and your voice softened, “You’re not gonna lose me, Marcus.”

His eyes slid open at the safety of your calmer voice, feeling more able to face you now that he didn’t have to see the anger in your eyes anymore. He swallowed hard, deciding that it was too late to turn back now. “I never thought I’d lose my wife either but… I was scared of being wrong again and losing you too.”

There was a pause while you tried to interpret what he meant by this last statement. He had always cared about you, that much had been clear, but you’d always assumed that it had been in a brotherly fashion. The way he looked at you now as he poured his heart out to you made you feel like there was a little more behind the words than you ever thought.

“You don’t have to be scared.” Your voice was soft, almost a whisper, as you took another subconscious step closer to him. Marcus’s eyes glanced down at the mere inches between your shoes and his before raking up your body and finally meeting your eyes.

“There’s more than you know.” He admitted quietly, his voice low and raspy. His eyes searched yours, terrified that this was the last time he’d ever see those beautiful eyes looking at him in this same way. He was about to cross a line that he couldn’t come back from but something about today made him feel like he couldn’t go any longer with this secret in his heart.

“Then enlighten me.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, “I might lose you still if I do.”

“Then it sounds like you have a decision to make.” You responded, anxiety rising as you looked at him with a straight face. You hadn’t meant to sound so blunt but he couldn’t say something like that and not expect your brain to linger to the worst possibilities. What could be so bad that he was convinced it would ruin your friendship? Was he kicking you off the team? Were you being reassigned to somewhere else in the world? Was about to insist you go back to training? Was he moving? The sudden flood of doomsday-level thoughts concerning your friendship made you vaguely annoyed that he would lead you on with a comment like ‘there’s more than you know’ and then continue to beat around the bush.

“I think I love you, Y/N.” He blurted out, suddenly feeling a massive weight lifted off his chest. That weight was quickly replaced by a bubbling sense of insecurity when your mouth fell open in a state of disbelief.

“Y-you what?”

Marcus’s heart was caught in his throat and his breath hitched, unable to make it past the lump. His nightmare was coming true. This was a mistake. “I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-. This was a mistake.”

“Wait!” You reached out to place a hand on his bicep when he turned to leave. He stopped and turned back to face you, hurt evident in his eyes, “Don’t leave.”

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just- I’ve had feelings for you for a while now and I didn’t want to come off as the creepy old guy.” He began to ramble uncharacteristically, the typically smooth under pressure superhero reduced to a panicked lovestruck boy.

You put a hand over his mouth and looked straight into his eyes, “I love you too.”

Beneath your palm, his jaw went slack. Slowly, you removed it, biting your lip with a small nervous smile as you waited for him to respond. “You do?”

You nodded shyly, never thinking that your dirty little secret would ever come to light. “I’ve had a stupid little puppy love crush on you since I was seventeen but I’ve been in love with you since I started college. I was always just worried you’d only ever see me as a little girl.”

Marcus’s hands nervously came to rest on your hips as he stared down at you in disbelief. He shook his head, “You’re an amazing woman, Y/N. One that’s impossible not to fall in love with.”

Your hand came up to his cheek, the stubble scratching your skin lightly, “And you’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met. One that’s impossible not to love.” You mimicked his sentiment back to him with pure genuine intent.

His hand came to cover yours, pressing his face further against your skin, pulling you closer to him by your hip. It was an innocent move, one of a man desperate to finally experience what he’d been keeping bottled up as a deep secret for the last two years. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” He asked, obviously referring to the thirteen year age gap between the two of you, “I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“I know that I’m younger than you but I’m not a naive child. You’re not taking advantage of me at all. Believe it or not, I am absolutely and irrevocably in love with you. If you want me, I would love nothing more than to be with you.” This was it: your all or nothing, all cards on the table, point of no return. The words you only told Marcus in your dreams were spoken and unable to be taken back.

His deep brown eyes flicked to your lips and then back to your eyes, his intention clear and awaiting any sign of hesitation, to which he found none. You leaned up on your toes but he finished closing the gap between the two of you, your lips touching in a gentle experimental kiss. His lips were soft in stark contrast to the stubble that scratched your skin. At this close proximity, you could finally breathe him in and it exceeded all expectations. He smelled clean, like freshly washed laundry, but with a hint of what you could only place as men’s body wash.

Marcus felt the way your body melted into his touch. Your skin was soft as silk against his, your lips like pillows he wanted to stay in forever. Your perfume danced around him, engulfing his senses and rendering him incapable of thinking of anything but you. Finally, he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours. Your lids slid open only to see him already admiring you.

“There’s nothing I would love more.” Marcus repeated. Two and a half years ago, he never could have imagined he would ever love again. Two hours ago, he never would have imagined that you could have possibly loved him back. But here you were, gazing up at him in a way he only let himself think about when he was alone, wrapped in his arms the way he dreamt about, saying the words he’d felt guilty for fantasizing about hearing from you for so long.

#marcus moreno #marcus moreno fluff #marcus moreno imagine #we can be heroes #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x y/n #marcus moreno x reader #marcus moreno x y/n #marcus moreno x you

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gods-no-longer-tread-here · 4 years

Text

Here me out

Lambert does drag. Her stage name is Lolly (he couldn’t think of anything else) and she’s absolutely FANTASTIC, like, the most fashionable bitch in the club, with perfect makeup and glittery dresses and beautifully-styled wigs. She’s still snarky and rude and everyone LOVES her.

Geralt sees Lambert’s makeup collection when he comes in while Lambert’s gone to find his DS, and has a sudden and irresistible urge to just, y’know, just try it. Just a little bit. He’ll wipe it right off.

He spends an hour testing different lipsticks and trying to do eyeliner.

Lambert comes home to see Geralt looking through the nail polish, and instead of teasing, has a BRILLIANT idea.

Next time Lolly goes to Drag Night, her sister Luna comes with.

(Geraskier silliness under the cut because while I do understand that the above is a full idea on its own, I am Geraskier TRASH)

Jaskier is hanging out at the club with his friends from the theater, Yennefer the costume designer and Triss the hairstylist. Jaskier does makeup because he LOVES seeing people dolled up and happy with their looks.

ANYWAY he sees the buff woman with her hair curled and her dress a little short and her eyeliner absolutely ATROCIOUS but there’s also something so unbelievably adorable about that, and the careful-but-over-drawn lipstick, and the way her pretty rose quartz earrings match her blush. And her gorgeous yellow eyes and sharp jaw and oh god her LEGS....

Jaskier tells his friends that he’ll be right back and goes to flirt.

Luna is incredibly nervous but also excited, because she’s not alone; she has Lolly here, somewhere, and other drag queens being loud, beautiful, colorful, and happy.

And then an adorable guy almost her height and with shoulders to match hers approaches and smiles and introduces himself as Jaskier. He asks casual questions, and Luna feels weird talking to him, because he’s adorable but also annoying but also keeps a respectful distance and looks at her as if he’s mesmerized. He is wearing makeup too, just light touches of it, and the most precise winged eyeliner that Luna has ever seen.

“How... how do you get your eyeliner so perfect?” Luna asks timidly.

Jaskier brightens and says, “Oh, lots of practice, and quite a bit of trial and error. Do you want some tips? I can help even yours out, too, if you want!”

Luna’s too intoxicated by Jaskier’s excitement and clear admiration to say no.

They go to the women’s room (”I come in here a lot to help friends and other ladies with makeup, it’s fine”) because the mirror is cleaner, and Jaskier shows Luna how to remove eyeliner with q-tips and an infinitesimal amount of coconut oil, how to measure the length of the wings you want, and how to hold the brush so it stays steady and even. Then he does Luna’s eyeliner himself, and puts sparkly eyeshadow on her, and helps touch up her lipstick. While doing so, he keeps up a running chatter of how to choose the colors most suited to her outfit, how to apply eyeshadow, and also that she has a gorgeous face, clean lines and cute nose with amazingly smooth skin.

“Oh, gosh, I would love to do your and Lolly’s makeup sometime!” Jaskier says as he finishes blotting Luna’s lipstick. “You are both so absolutely beautiful, I’ve been dying to put contour on you both. And my friend Triss, she’s a hairstylist, she’s said multiple times that she loves Lolly’s hair but it is so tragically pinned in place, it keeps falling out of shape and Triss wants to get her hands on it. Oh she would have a field day with your hair, too! It’s so gorgeous, do you bleach it?”

Luna shakes her head.

“Ahh, so cute! Okay you have to let me and Triss doll you up for the next Drag Night, you would look so good with a touch of rose blush and lip gloss! And then we can experiment with bold looks, testing colors on you--you’d look divine with that orange lipstick I’ve been hiding from the actors.”

Luna is so entranced by this man who thinks she’s beautiful and smiles at her so excitedly and when they’re done, kisses her fingertips gallantly.

When Geralt and Lambert are on the way home, Geralt blurts, “There’s a makeup artist who wants to do our makeup next time.”

Lambert smirks. “Oh, Jaskier? Yeah, he’s great. He taught me how to cover stubble properly. Do you wanna do it?”

“...yes.”

“Then we will.”

#Lambert #Geralt #The Witcher #Geraskier #drag is Good drag is Fun #except for the transphobic people.... but honestly drag is p cool

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erin-bo-berin · 4 years

Text

Birthday Surprise

MASTERLIST

So I actually got this idea from a adult romance book I read last year and it was so humorous, I knew I wanted to write a scenario like it with Spencer and the team. Besides, Spencer can be funny at times too. Hope you enjoy!

Spencer Reid/Reader

Rating: M (smut)

Word Count: 2,529

You can’t believe you let your best friend talk you into this.

“It will be a great birthday present!” Bree exclaimed, beaming.

You grumble to yourself. This was a better idea in theory than reality.

Your boyfriend, Spencer Reid, had a birthday coming up. It was the last year of his 30’s and you really wanted to do something special for him, but with every gift you thought of, it just didn’t seem to be enough.

That was when Bree, the grand schemer of all schemes, came up with what she thought was a brilliant idea.

She worked at a nice, upscale restaurant as a waitress. Also, she had one of the nicest sections. You were to make reservations for you two and you would hide under the table for when he arrived and you could give him a secretive, surprise blow job. It would be hot and memorable, she said.

You arrived at the restaurant 15 minutes early. Bree had managed to snag you a table that was off in a corner, with more privacy and helped you under the table. Which is where you currently were.

It all sounded great when she had hatched the idea, now you just felt silly, your knees were numb and your feet were falling asleep. You were about ready to give up and come out from under the table with your tail between your legs when you heard voices approaching your table.

“Here’s your table, sir, I’ll be right back with your menu,” Bree said, probably louder than she should have.

With one rap against the table, you knew that she was giving you the signal that you two were alone now.

You watch as he sat down and you see his familiar black converse suddenly appear inches from your legs, his black suit pants accompanying the shoes. He’d probably just come from work.

You hesitate, not sure if you should go through this, but decide you’ll never get another chance like this. You’re reaching out for his belt buckle when you hear Bree’s voice, loud and close again.

“Can I help you?”

There was a pause and then a mixture of voices you didn’t recognize.

“Let me see if I have a bigger table available in my area! I’ll be just one second!”

Bree’s voice is suddenly high pitched, sounding frantic. You know her voice only sounds like that during super busy shifts, when she’s panicked and freaking out. Something is wrong and you have no idea what’s going on.

Your phone buzzes in your purse. You twist around, not easily, to retrieve it from your bag. It’s a text from Bree.

ABORT MISSION. More dinner guests.

Your brows furrow. You have no earthly idea what she’s talking about. You send back a few question marks.

A huge group of people just showed up to your and Spencer’s table.

Your phone vibrates repeatedly with multiple texts from your friend.

Tall assassin looking black woman.

Hispanic looking guy with nice hair.

Buff Asian hottie with tattoo.

Italian grandpa.

Brunette boss lady with bangs.

Pretty blonde with killer legs.

Another blonde wearing every color in the rainbow and cute shoes.

You stop breathing for a second. They all sound like Spencer’s coworkers.

As in coworkers from the team in the unit of the FBI, where he works. This was not how you planned to meet them for the first time.

You have no idea why they’re here though, so you’re just as bewildered as Bree. But you’ve started to panic, trying to figure out how you’re gonna escape with no one seeing you. It would be humiliating to meet Spencer’s work family like this.

How the hell am I gonna get out from under the table without them knowing?

Don’t worry, I got this.

You hear the clicking of heels approaching and hear Bree talking to the team.

“We’re working on that table, why don’t I escort you all to the bar so you can see our drink menu.”

“I’ll wait here with you, Spence,” a male voice said.

“Damnit,” you mumble.

Now your escape was going to be even harder.

The majority of the voices fade away with Bree’s and you sighed, resigned to the fact that you’re going to be stuck under this table for a while.

You make a mental note not to listen to another one of Bree’s ideas.

“So, kid, did you tell Y/N that you were inviting us to your birthday dinner? We’re all so excited to meet her.”

“No,” Spencer answered the deep, older sounding voice, “I wanted to surprise her because I was afraid if I told her beforehand she’d stress out about meeting all of you.”

Well that explained that.

You were surprised alright.

“How long have you been together now? Over a year? And we haven’t even met her yet? Are you sure you haven’t made her up?”

You bite your thumbnail trying your hardest not to laugh out loud.

“No, Rossi, I haven’t made her up. She’s real. Besides you know every time we tried to make plans something has come up.”

“Quite conveniently too, I might add.”

You already like this guy.

“She should be here soon,” Spencer said.

You catch a glimpse of him pulling his phone out of his pants pocket, positive he’s checking if there’s any missed texts or phone calls from you.

You guess now is the best time of any to make him aware of your presence.

Your hand slides up his thigh and you choke back your cackle when he practically jumps ten feet in the air.

“Something wrong?”

“Uh I dropped my phone under the table, let me just get it.”

His chair scoots back and he bends down under the table, pretending to retrieve his phantom fallen cell phone. His eyes widen when he sees you under the table. You give a meek smile and wave in return.

You point to your phone, miming texting to tell him that’s the only way you can talk without being found out.

“Oh found it. It fell against the wall.”

Spencer sits back up again, pulling his chair in as he settles.

“I think I’m gonna text Y/N, just so I can get her ETA,” Spencer says calmly.

He’s way too good at staying calm in situations, so you’re not too surprised that he sounds completely normal even though he just discovered his girlfriend curled up in an uncomfortable position, under a table in a restaurant.

I’m afraid to ask why you’re under the table.

That was one good thing about Spencer; he didn’t have a mean bone in his body. So instead of mocking you, embarrassing you or even being angry, he approached most things calmly. Although you’re sure he’s secretly dying of amusement over this. You’re positive this isn’t going to be the last time you hear about this.

Well, I was kinda hoping to surprise you for your birthday with a hot, secret blowjob...but it kinda blew up in my face instead of how you were supposed to.

You hear him snort above you which he quickly covers with a cough.

“Y/N should be here soon. She’s probably closer than she thinks.”

You hit his leg. What a smart ass he is, although technically he is a smart ass but that’s another story.

Help me get out of here. I don’t want to exactly pop out to meet your teammates like “hi I was just hiding out for a nice birthday sexcapade nice to meet you”.

Technically doesn’t that mean an illicit affair?

Spencer, we really need to introduce you to Urban Dictionary.

A chorus of voices approach the table.

“Any update on that table?” came a female voice.

“Nothing yet. But, uh, have you seen their amazing aquarium? Come on, I’ll show it to you!”

“I gotta head to the ladies room, I’ll find you at our new table.”

This voice was a different female voice from the first one.

You wait until the numerous voices get far enough from the table when you decide to peek from underneath the tablecloth. You curse, seeing a woman that looks a lot like what Bree described as the brunette boss lady walking in your direction. That was most definitely Spencer’s boss.

You drop the tablecloth like it’s on fire, concealing yourself once again. You watch as the feet pass by the table and brave another look. Thankfully, it’s all clear.

You dash as fast as you towards the kitchen. If Bree is in there, your hands might find their way around her neck.

•

“Bree, that could’ve been disastrous!” you shriek, causing a few of the kitchen staff to peer over at you.

Sorry, you mouth, wincing.

“Well it’s not like Spencer is mad is it?�� she asked, loading plates onto her tray.

“No, but he’s not going to let me live it down.”

“Hey, think of it this way. He’s gonna be thinking of that BJ the entire dinner,” she smirked.

“I’m never listening to another one of your hair brained ideas,” you grumbled.

“Hey, you’ll thank me later,” she sing-songed lifting the tray of food to her shoulder, “Now just go out the back kitchen door, walk around to the front of the restaurant and it will be like nothing ever happened.”

She was gone through the swinging doors in a jiff and you sighed, heading towards the back door.

•

It takes a whole ten minutes for you to circle the entire building before you finally reach the front doors. You attempted to compose yourself and straighten your red mini dress before entering and going to find the new table. You spot them a few minutes later and walk up nervously.

“There she is!”

Spencer’s face lights up when he sees you and suddenly you don’t feel as nervous as you did seconds before. He loved this group of people and that meant a lot to have a Spencer seal of approval. Maybe the night wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“Did you take the subway here?” Emily asked.

“Um, yes. That’s why I’m late, I’m so sorry.”

“I sure hope it wasn’t too crowded down there—I mean in there,” Spencer smirks.

You shoot him an exasperated look and are met with one of his thousand kilowatt smiles.

Turns out, dinner wasn’t so bad after all.

•

“You were right; they were all incredibly nice,” you say as you and Spencer walk in the door of your apartment, “I love them.”

“I knew you would,” he smiled.

“So, have you had a great birthday?”

“Well I’ve had quite the unusual one, that’s for sure.”

You stifle a groan as you kick off your heels in the hallway.

“I still can’t believe you actually hid under a table to surprise me.”

He’s already laughing again.

“I’m still gonna kill Bree.”

“Hey,” he grabs you by the arm, turning you towards him, “I’m incredibly flattered that you went to such lengths for me.”

“Really?” you asked timidly.

“Of course,” he smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, “Not every girlfriend would plan to blow their boyfriend in front of his coworkers.”

“Spencer!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” he chuckled, leaning against the hallway wall, pulling you towards him and kissing you.

“Mm, well it is still your birthday, you know,” you say devilishly, biting his bottom lip gently then kissing him again.

You pull away, taking a hold of his tie before leading him to the bedroom. It takes a few minutes for you both to make it there as he stops you frequently to steal a kiss or two.

Finally at your destination, you push him against the closed bedroom door, fingers pulling off his tie. Your lips trail his jaw then neck, fingers fumbling over his button down.

He chuckles amused, aiding you. Your mouth travels down his neck and over his chest, making slow work of your descent. He watches you closely as you fall to your knees, a kiss placed just above the waistline of his pants. Your hand comes up to press against the forming bulge in his pants and he groans lowly.

“I may not have been able to do this earlier, but we’ve got all the time in the world now,” you bite your lip and peer up at him innocently.

Popping the button and pulling his zipper down, you push his pants down over his hips. The edges of your fingers dip into the waistband of his underwear and you hear the sharp intake of his breath; you can tell how much he’s anticipating this.

Apparently Bree was right and he had been thinking about it all dinner long, especially if his small stolen touches under the table were any indicator. There would be a gentle touch on your thigh, slowly sliding just a bit too close towards your inner thigh; an arm wrapped around your back, his fingers just casually brushing the bottom swell of your breast. He had been ready for this hours ago and you were ready to give it to him.

Your eyes don’t leave his as the clothing is pulled downwards and you wrap a hand around him, squeezing just hard enough to cause his head to fall back with a dull thud against the door, a groan coming from deep in his throat.

You lean down, tongue swirling around the tip, agonizing slow, your fingertips ever so slightly tracing down his length.

“Oh god,” he groaned, “Don’t tease me, Y/N.”

“Not so fun when you're not the one dishing it out, now is it?”

He could be the ultimate tease in the bedroom, so this taste of his own medicine was long overdue.

Your tongue swirls around him before taking him in your mouth, his moan of relief and pleasure filling your ears.

With hollowed cheeks, you alternate your speed and pressure, keeping him on his toes, making your next move unpredictable to him.

“Baby, please.”

His moans are louder and more frequent as his hand moves into your hair. You look up through your lashes as you work him, keeping your gaze locked on him. You think you actually hear him whimper.

Your hand pumps the rest of him, your wrist turning as your mouth moves on him, your tongue whirling as if you’re enjoying a favorite ice cream cone.

His hand tightens in your hair and you can tell he’s close to losing all control.

“Y/N, Y/N, fuck, fuuuuck,” he groans finally letting go and succumbing to his ecstasy.

You take all he has in stride, discreetly wiping your mouth when you pull back although you’re sure he’s too dazed to notice.

“Happy birthday to me,” Spencer mumbles, pulling you to your feet and kissing you.

You break the chaste kiss, backing up towards the bed.

“Well lucky for you, there’s still three and a half hours left of your birthday. How about we do a little more celebrating?”

It takes him all of two steps to cross the room and take you in his arms, causing you to giggle.

Yeah, this would be a birthday he wouldn’t forget anytime soon.

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