#probably delete soon

[thatmooncake]

…

*takes a deep breath*

People here are insanely nice and I love and appreciate you all but I feel ridiculously lonely and everywhere I look it seems like everyone around me is BFFs and talking about fun stuff and I don’t feel like I have really many people to talk to about fandom-related things on here where it doesn’t end up trailing off and mostly I feel like I’m just bothering people so it feels like every time I post a picture or an idea or analysis it’s like I’m getting up on stage and staring into a sea of faces like I’m some sort of stranger, and it feels stupid to be saying that in such a friendly space, and meanwhile everyone seems to be friends and are doing things together all the time, and while I really really want to be a part of that I frequently feel like I’m seen as some weird mix of unapproachable and forgettable even when I interact and regardless of who or what is behind that and how irrational it is, and regardless of who can relate (gosh I’m sending you guys the biggest hugs), the outcome is the same, I’m not a part of any group or really of anything much but I’m told I’m supposed to feel glad about arbitrary numbers and keep posting and grin and bear it when people seem to resent me and think it’s their god given right to send me hate mail and joyfully let me know they’ve reposted my stuff to sites I don’t go on and make rude comments and start unsolicited RPs in my DMs and talk shit about other people I barely know in my asks. And the thing is maybe all of that is my fault and maybe I deserve it but even if it is and even if I do the feeling is still there, and it’s not a good one, and it’s not what I joined this fandom for.

[lvrhughes]

i feel like a lot of my issues could be solved if i had better boobs

[thesexydancingcrepe]

I really want a bagel right now

[black-hole--sun]

Today I had to take my mom to the hospital (nothing serious) where I did my undergraduate internship so I went to greet my ex tutor and... all this to say that after asking me about my MsC she said "Are you gonna take your time darling? It's important to enjoy life and have fun, please do it! Don't be always such in a rush, be untroubled." and it was so warm.

I love my family but I rarely heard anything similar from them. It was (it is) always "You have to study", "You have to be the best", Hashtag Career etc I think you know how it works, but she... she saw something my mom never saw. And it broke my heart, yeah, but it also reassure me in the meantime.

[siodymph]

Ok real personal below

But for real why do I keep fucking things up with my Mom???

Like I know she has anxiety, and I know she feels like we leave her out of shit.

And now I fucked up and because I didnt tell her right away about officially starting towards my MS, she feels awful and now I feel awful and this whole situation is fucked

And I know she has anxiety issues and shit but as soon as I get good news I swear I get amnesia and find a way to give a good situation the worst possible outcome and fuck things up between me and my mom even more 🙃

[peppermintashes]

Just saw a post telling top gun fans to kill themselves so here's a rant about it I suppose

😀👍

1. Telling anyone to harm themselves is NEVER okay! In this context they were saying it to top gun fans and that alone is very sad because I haven't heard any drama related to them (if there is please tell me)

2. There main reason they were posting that was because "the people in the military only join to kill people and approve of killing said people." Which is false on many levels. there are stations and jobs in the military that have nothing to do with killing another human being. there are veterans who have TRAMA form being in the military whether the trauma stems from something small or something like killing someone else or seeing someone they know die.

3. Another one of there reason is "propaganda". Which yes I will agree that this movie is propaganda for SOME but for most it's just a movie (a great one at that) someone (like me) might have gone because of the camera work, the storytelling or the acting and stunts. I go to a school all about planes so to see the stunts they did were real and know that it was all done by ACTORS?!

4. Why tumbler of all places to post that? Post something like that on Twitter.

That's all I might add some more points or just delete this whole post idk

[communistsoap]

I just had a dream I tried to you know and Cody's parents were there and it was like a party of our families or something and I kissed Cody and he turned into my other ex that I've been thinking about lately and it was like one of those, heey these are the people hanging in ur subconscious when u wanna unalive so like, make sure those ends are tied better maybe????

Like I genuinely feel drawn to tying my loose ends even tho they have me blocked it's like... What if there was some other way maybe I could tell them, hey I'm leaving soon, I'm thankful for our time together, I'm sorry it wasn't better, I love you, please don't feel bad it's okay ... I don't know that's just how I feel.

I also need to find someone who will love my cats as voraciously as I do, I feel like that's been a thing taking forever too.

Also, there's no talking me out of this, not this time. I'm tired of being two, three, four different people at any given moment. I put my gastric bypass surgery on hold cause I'm not sure I'll even be here long enough to do that. My dreams are dead, I'm just making it to the next day, and the next one and the next.

Spite isn't strong enough, I need more. I'm tired of needing more.

I need my family and everyone to know I'm okay and I'll see them again in their dreams and in passing and it will be okay. I don't know how to calmly reason with them how okay this is.

[friendlyneighborhoodlesbianaunt]

I never post on here anymore.

But I need to get it off my chest and the people closest to me are going through their own stuff.

The girl I was crushing on kind of hard told me today rather asked me if I would be okay with being friends for now. She’s got some stuff going on. I appreciate her honesty and being forthcoming coming about it. But I don’t want to be just friends. I of course want to respect her. I told her that if that’s what she wants and would be easier for her then okay.

I fell too hard into this. I let my guard down that I said I wasn’t going to do. And now all day I’ve just been wallowing. If I think about it too much I cry. Like we were dating or something and we weren’t. I miss having conversations with her. I miss the way things were literally like two weeks ago. It changed that fast it seemed. Why am I like this?

At the beginning she said she didn’t want to rush things because she didn’t want one or both of us to get hurt. I don’t know how she feels about it, but I can tell you that my heart is hurting. My heart is sad for someone I’ve only been talking to for two months at this point and I’ve only spent one weekend with. How is this possible?

[yume-egg]

Someone yell at me to get in the shower, I have work in the morning and I’m running out of time to sleep.

[compactdynamic]

Wanted. To have interest shown in me.

That's it. That's the post.

[thehmn]

Why does this dog look so uncanny? I’m sure it’s very lovely but it looks like a fantasy dog or like it was drawn by a monk from the Middle Ages.

My friend and I tried to work out what it is about it that looks so uncanny. I have a chihuahua which already looks like a mess with similar proportions and a Shih tzu with a short snout so neither of those things come off as weird to me.

So this is an honest question. Does this dog look uncanny to you too and if so why? I’m beyond fascinated by this girl.

[all-is-caraphernelia]

Playing with makeup ~

[thornfilledgarden]

feeling particularly former gifted kid rn

[ashen-cardinal-arts]

I'm going to post a little sketch I have later. I'm not able to do things on my tablet right now because I have lost my pen and I'm going to order a new one Friday.

[kanrix]

Como que de la nada me entró inspiración

[yourdaddyfigure]

I am very envious of the woman you like.. I am very curious what she is like.. would you mind telling us about her personality? What made you fall for her?

So I wasn’t going to answer this because it’s honestly no one’s business who I’m interested in and who I have very strong feelings for. But seeing as this is the only platform where I can openly speak my mind and be honest with my feelings, I’ll answer this question once and only once. There are so many reasons I fell for her. Some are big, and some are small. It could be the fact that she’s just naturally hilarious to me, or maybe it’s how she can sit there and speak about the things she loves and the things she hates, or maybe it’s how, if you can gain her trust, she’ll open up a whole new world to you that you didn’t even know existed. How she could easily turn any of my bad days into good ones by just simply smiling. Or how I’m so captivated by her eyes and how they just leave me in complete awe. Or it could be that she’s smart and I mean so fucking smart. She's one of the smartest people I know, and I could sit for hours picking at her brain and hearing her talk about the stuff she’s learned over the years. Or maybe it’s how she carries herself and how she pushes herself to achieve any of the goals she places in front of her. Or maybe it’s how stubborn she can be and how we can go back and forth and just constantly mock and laugh with one another. Or maybe it's because when I look at her, I can’t help but see this gorgeous and strong woman who would easily chew and spit out anyone who'd done her wrong. But I also see someone who’s fragile and delicate, and I find myself constantly reminding her that she needs to take care of herself and that she needs to rest more because she’s always going 100mph. Even saying all this doesn't feel like I've explained it all. This girl is worth the sleepless nights just to talk to her. She’s worth the wait and the hope that someday I’ll wake up with her being my special girl again.