#probably shot myself in the foot posting this at night

[noxunderground]

"You know what Tails? We're gonna be great."

@starrjoy Does this count for Sonic & Tails Wholesome Wednesday?

(Repost from @raliasnox, hoping it'll perform better here!)

[ladykailitha]

Can Anybody See Me? Part 21

Executive dysfunction is a bitch and can go to hell. I had something I could have posted yesterday while I was working on this, but no...

I am starting to wonder if maybe I shot myself in the foot with my tag rant as engagement for the last Reconnect AU was WAY down. But oh well. I can only continue to move on and hope I find new people who like my stuff.

All righty, my lovelies. We have gotten to the part where I was going to end it originally before you absolute menaces said you wanted me to continue it through season 4.

But here’s the deal, this story has reached nearly novel length of 40k. So what I’ve decided to do is call this the end of book one. And then I will start up book two, which will be through to the end of the school year and probably through the events of season 3. And then book 3 should take us the rest of the way.

I hope that’s acceptable to all of you. I want to continue it, but I think from here on out the title doesn’t fit Steve anymore and he needs a new one.

Now if you’ve followed me long enough, you know that I don’t start putting out a story until it’s done (if it’s short enough) or if I’m three to four chapters deep. So hopefully by the end of the month (if not sooner) you should start seeing book two.

I will run a poll on how you think I should do the tag list for it. But thank you all for coming with me on this absolutely wild ride. And hope you’ll stick around for the next two parts.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20

***

Word had been handed down, Mindy Jones, Ollie Anderson, and Kyle Carver had been suspended with word that Kyle being the instigator might be expelled. For sure he wasn’t going to be able to walk in his cap and gown at graduation.

Steve felt a sense of relief and strangely justice too. Yes, all right suspension wasn’t getting expelled, but the kids had been punished. They didn’t try to hand wave it away.

Steve had heard that Mr Vinke, the math teacher, Mr Cole, Miss Lucy, and Chief Hopper had all gone to the principal and superintendent for all three of them to be expelled.

The suspension was a given, but the school district wanted to do their own investigation and then expulsions might be handed out after it was complete.

Steve didn’t have much hope.

Marty, Gethin, and Janice all sat with the Corroded Coffin boys at lunch, something they didn’t normally do.

“Fuck,” Janice swore. “Why I am more nervous about tonight than I have all week?”

Steve nodded, poking at his food. “I haven’t been this queasy since I took a plate to the head.”

Everyone winced and murmured sympathetic platitudes and other noises of sympathy.

“I think it’s because it’s your last performance,” Gethin murmured. “Your last chance to completely biff it on stage.” Steve and Janice looked at him in wide-eyed fear. He waved his hands placatingly. “Not that I think you will. Just that your brain thinks you will.”

Steve and Janice looked at each other and then nodded.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “That tracks.”

Eddie slid his hand under the table and gripped Steve’s knee. Steve covered his hand with his own and gave it a squeeze of thank you.

*

Steve scanned the crowd the second night. He spotted Jeff and all his family, Gareth and Gethin and their parents, Brian and all of his younger siblings, and what looked like his dad. Wayne shuffled in his seat nervously, having never been to a musical before. But still no sign of his parents.

His mom promised that at least she would be there, even if his dad refused to come. And he held on to that. He managed to make it through the show and held it together.

He went out to be congratulated by his friends and their families. Wayne brought him flowers.

“You did good, boy,” he said gruffly, after giving him a hug. “I looked it up and flowers are the gift you give someone after a well-done performance.”

Steve looked down at the bouquet of wild flowers and smiled. “Thank you. I love them.”

Jeff clapped him on the shoulder. “They might be a tad wilted by the time we’re done, because we’re taking you out to eat in celebration.”

Steve teared up a bit. “Thanks, guys.”

Gareth smiled. “You deserve it, man. That was awesome!”

Gethin nudged his shoulder. “We’re just waiting for Janice and Eddie to get done.”

Steve nodded. Eddie had to reset the stage for tomorrow and Janice had to get out of a corset and that took some time.

“Yeah, no problem!” he enthused.

Eddie finished first and came out to meet them.

“Hey, Steve!” he said. “Feeling famous yet?”

Steve laughed. “I’m going to get fat if this keeps up. First ice cream last night and then dinner tonight.”

They all laughed. “It’s impossible for you to gain weight, man,” Brian huffed. “I’ve seen you eat a whole pizza and didn’t even get bloated.”

Steve laughed. “Playing three sports does that to you. Hell, I still life guard at the rec center every summer.”

Brian eyed his lean form skeptically. “I suppose so.”

“Swimming’s fun,” Steve said. “And it’s not just for us jock types.”

Janice finally came out. “Sorry to keep you waiting guys. Sharing with Tammy Thompson is hell let me tell you. I don’t know how someone so tiny can take up so much room.”

“At least you don’t have to share the choir room with twenty sweaty dudes that wouldn’t know deodorant if it bit them in the ass,” Steve grumped.

Gethin shook his head. “Shouldn’t you be used to that from sports?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “At least there are showers after basketball. Can’t say the same here.”

Gethin’s lips curled. “Fair.”

Wayne clapped his hands. “All right, I’ve got us a place reserved, so we need to hustle. Eddie and Steve are coming with me.”

Eddie and Steve filed out with the rest of them and followed Wayne out to his truck.

Steve slid into the middle between Eddie and Wayne.

“Thanks for this, Wayne,” he murmured. “And the flowers, too.”

“You’re welcome, Stevie,” he said. “I didn’t see your parents. Did they show up last night?”

Steve shared a glance with Eddie and then shook his head. “There’s still tomorrow.”

Wayne and Eddie shared a glance of concern over Steve’s head.

“I’m sure that’s the case,” Wayne agreed.

An uneasy silence settled on them as they drove to the restaurant. Wayne parked and turned to Steve.

He pulled him in for a great big hug and then opened the door. “It’ll be all right.”

Steve nodded and slid out after Eddie.

The dinner was just as ruckus as the ice cream parlor the night before. With just as many people. Steve looked around and smiled.

Yeah, 1985 was his year and it was just getting started.

*

Steve looked out to the audience and knew, even in the dimmed lights his parents weren’t there.

“Tell me, Mr Thomson, out of curiosity, do you stand with Mr Dickinson, or do you stand with me?” Vince asked.

Steve could feel the sting of tears in his eyes. He held up the dispatch. “I stand with the General. Lately–I’ve had the oddest feeling that he’s been–writing to me…”

He slowly rose to his feet as he sang,

“I have been in expectation Of receiving a reply On the subject of my last fifteen dispatches. Is anybody there?”

His voice cracked with emotion as he stepped half out of the spotlight.

“Does anybody care? Does anybody care? Y’r humble & ob’d’t–”

The drum rolled and Steve looked up into the eagle’s nest where Eddie was doing the spotlight. A single tear ran down his cheek.

Steve looked down at the paper in his hand and then back up at Eddie. And then he exited the scene on cue.

Eddie swore he saw more tears in that moment then for ‘Mama Look Sharp’ that night.

But that performance of Steve’s brought out something in Vince in that moment. Vince’s John Adams bid Hancock good night, but then it changed. All the emotion and fear of not being seen or heard. The loneliness that Adams must have been feeling in that moment, borrowed from the loneliness of both Washington and Thomson.

“Is anybody there–”

Silence.

“Does anybody care–?”

Again, nothing.

“Does anybody see–what I see?”

And then Kenny came on and delivered the line with a sharpness that hadn’t been there before.

“Yes, Mr Adams, I do.” As if to banish all the fears and insecurities that John was having in that moment.

And Steve could almost hear it as though it was coming from Eddie. As if it was coming from his friends. The party. Wayne.

Yes, his parents weren’t there. They never were. And probably never were going to be. But that didn’t mean that no one was listening to Steve. That no one cared.

They all cared. Every last one of the dozens of people that showed up the last two nights. They cared. They brought their families. Brought flowers. Thought he was worthy of celebrating. Worth treating.

For the boy with the bat.

The boy that never knew what love really was until he looked up from a god damned garbage can into those warm and friendly brown eyes. A warm hand on his back and a gentle ‘Are you okay?’

In that moment, Steve’s life had become changed. Different. Better. All because a teacher took pity on Steve and chose Eddie Munson of all people to be Steve’s protector.

And he looked up at Eddie in the rafters and though he couldn’t see him, he knew that Eddie was looking back at him. Smiling back at him. Loving him for all his worth.

And if you had asked Steve what his worth was back in December he would have told you nothing. He wasn’t worth anything but being the baby-sitter. But now?

Now Steve was a baby-sitter, chauffeur, groupie, actor, chef, swimmer, friend, brother, and most importantly boyfriend. And maybe if he was really lucky, someone’s son.

***

Fin.

Fuck, rereading this to add back in the formatting made me cry. My apologies if it makes you cry too.

Tag List: @shrimply-a-menace @strangersteddierthings @throwbackthrowaway @novelnovella @cursedfoxteeth @babyblender @garden-of-gay @anaibis @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring @swimmingbirdrunningrock @steve-the-hairrington @winterbuckwild @spectrum-spectre @matchingbatbites   @thing-a-ling @fandemonium-takes-its-toll @artiststarme @sundead  @nelotegreitic @gregre369 @butterflysandpeppermint @thedragonsaunt @kodaik97 @messrs-weasley @scarletzgo @deadlydodos @renaissan-vvitch @evix-syne666 @emly03 @justforthedead89 @ashwinmeird @huniibee @phantypurple @stevesbipanic @shucks-yuckyuck @lovelyscot @awkwardgravity1 @bookbinderbitch @reportinglivefromsoda @jinxjinn @chasinggeese @be-the-spark-bitch @kohlraedirectioner @cr0w-culture @xjessicafaithx @whimsicalwitchm @jaywhohasthegay @estrellami-1 @dangdirtydemons @howincrediblysapphicofyou @the-redthread

[militarymenrbomb]

STORIES. I made the post yesterday about limiting stories I post here to Military themed stories. Well, I no sooner posted that and I found a reddit with military stories. Most of them I read seemed to be true. Here's one of them, you can decide for yourself. The reddit is titled

r/gaymilitarystories

Hookup with Marine

This was the early 2000s, and I was stationed in Honduras. The base was a Joint Task Force that consisted of most Army & Air Force, with a handful of Marines & Navy. The Army bar was the popular drinking spot on base. It was a typical weekend, I was at the bar throwing darts with friends. I was losing all night, so I decided to take a break and sit at the bar. I took a seat and tried to get the bartender's attention. As I waited, one of Marines came up and sat next to me. I'd seen him around base. He caught my eye the first time I saw him working the base gate. He was a bit shorter than me, probably about 6 foot, lean with a perfect ass.

He ordered a beer, and we started talking as we both waited. We were originally from different cities but only a couple hours apart in the rust belt. Our beers arrived, and we continued talking, mostly about football. Our teams are rivals, so it was mostly shit talk. As we talked, I checked him out and had a feeling he was doing the same. This was during don't as don't tell, so I had to be cautious. When drinking, I have a hard time telling if dudes are interested or just touchy feely because of the alcohol.

I was low on smokes, so I decided to say I was going to go back to my room, I figured if he was interested, he'd offer to walk with me. As soon as I finished telling him, he chugged the rest of his beer and said, "Let's go." It was about a 3 minute walk, and we were vibing the whole way. We got to my room, I unlocked the door and walked in. He followed and closed the door behind him. When I heard the door close, I knew he was interested. I bent over to grab my smoke from a drawer, and he came up behind me and grabbed my hips. He leaned over and whispered that he enjoyed talking and would like to get to know me better.

I stood up, turned around, and we were instantly making out. Our hands were feverishly exploring each other's bodies. I ran my hand over his pants and felt his package. I'm verse and I originally wanted to top him but in the moment I knew I needed to service that hard cock. I dropped to my knees and unleashed the beast. He was packing over 8 inches, it was thick with visible veins. It was truly perfection, I went to work. I was in heaven work up and down his shaft, giving my tongue a workout. He grabbed my head and started to fuck my mouth without mercy.

After about a minute or two, he took his cock out of my mouth and in what seemed like one motion, he picked me up and threw me on my bed. He asked if I wanted to be filled by a Marine, I didn't get to respond and he was tearing my pants off. I grabbed the lube from my night stand and handed it to him. I told him not to bother fingerings me, I just wanted that cock in me. He lubed up and slowly entered, it felt so good being filled by him. I had a feeling of ecstacy, I could not contain my moaning so I grabbed a pillow and covered my face. As he fucked me harder he pushed the pillow into face. I couldn't contain myself and shot the biggest hands free load. He scooped some up and ate it. He had the best rhythm going as he slammed me with all 8 inches. He said he was close and flipped me over and took me doggy. I could tell he was close and told him to fill me up. He pumped his load deep in me. We laid there with him in me as he slowly went soft.

We cleaned up and headed back to the bar, my friends were so focused on darts they didn't know I left the bar. There was a free board so we decided to play, it was amazing throwing darts as I felt his load slowly leaking out of me. We made it a regular thing for the next couple weeks, until he left for his next assignment.

[littlemissagrafina]

Tired Tony

Inspired by this post by @irondadmadlads

Read on AO3

"Hey Karen, can you ask Friday to open up one of the living room windows for me?" Peter asked the AI as he swung in a broad arc around a building, Stark Tower standing proudly before him as he shot off another web.

He flung himself forward, Karen's answer sounding in his ear. "Based on your trajectory, window number three on the living room floor will be opened, Peter."

"Thanks, K!" 

The tower loomed closer, and Peter angled himself, aiming for the window. 

"And Boss would like to remind you to slow down for your window entrances."

He soared through the open window, arms windmilling as he tried to slow down at the last minute. He miraculously landed on his feet and Peter almost breathed a sigh of relief until he realised that his moment meant he was still going forward.

"Shit!" 

His right foot stuck on the edge of the running carpet, his legs slipping out from under him as he fell backwards with a yelp, all the while sliding across the smooth flooring.

He slid to a stop on his back, looking up directly into the eyes of none other than Mr Stark himself.

The man quirked an eyebrow, looking decidedly torn between amusement and concern.

"Peter."

"Mr Stark."

"How many times do I need to tell you to slow down before flinging yourself through windows?" Tony questioned, reaching down and pulling Peter to his feet.

The teenager grinned sheepishly, rolling his shoulders and stretching till he felt a satisfying crack, snickering at Tony’s wince. "Probably a few more times." 

The man rolled his eyes but Peter could see the fondness in the action. He could see the tiredness, too, in the darker than usual bags under Tony’s eyes as well as the slight slouch in his frame.

Peter was used to seeing a tired Tony, but there was a different heaviness to it now. More exhausted than just tired from a lab binge, and Peter narrowed his eyes, thoughts spinning.

"Hey Mr Stark?" He asked, pulling his mask off.

"Yeah, Bud?" Tony reached up and ruffled Peter's hair, no doubt making his already messy curls even more messy.

Peter ducked out from under his hand, half heartedly protesting even as he laughed at the gesture. The moment soothed him, though. If Tony was still joking around and being affectionate, then it wasn't because of nightmares that he was so tired. Whenever he had a bad night as far as nightmares were concerned, Tony tended to withdraw and become even more self-deprecating than usual.

Peter let himself relax a bit, although he decided to go ahead with his scheme anyway.

"Can we skip the lab today?" He brought out the puppy eyes as he asked, knowing exactly how to weaken Tony's resolve. "I'm a little worn out mentally from tests this week so I thought it would be nice to just order take out and maybe watch a movie?" Peter continued, the excuse falling easily from his lips.

Tony hesitated, shifting slightly on his feet, and Peter refused to let his mentor go back to the lab when he was so visibly tired.

"It's okay if you have work you need to do, I can watch by myself or swing home?" He lowered his voice dejectedly towards the end of his sentence, all the whole smirking inwardly when Tony instantly crumbled.

The man sighed, but his mouth quirked slightly and the lines around his eyes softened. "As if I would do that. You think I'd work while you're here watching a movie and eating take out? If anything, you're giving me an excuse for Pepper, later."

"Now c'mon, lets go choose what to order and we can pick up where we left off in our movie list." Tony flung his arm around his shoulders and Peter stepped in closer to him. Although it wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind when he was swinging over, he knew he would enjoy a lazy afternoon with his dad mentor just as much as working together in the lab.

-

The elevator doors sliding open and clicking heels brought Peter's attention to the penthouse entrance.

"Ms Potts! Help me!" He groaned dramatically, curls flopping over his head as his gaze swung around to rest on the woman.  

Pepper's lips curled into an amused smile, her eyes shining, no doubt taking in the way that Tony was fast asleep, Peter pinned between him and the corner of the couch.

Tony had fallen asleep even before they'd reached the fifteen minute mark in their movie, takeout containers littered on the coffee table in front of them.

"I'm stuck." Peter commented unnecessarily.

"I can see that. You know who else would like to see this? May, that's who." Pepper grinned, holding up her phone and snapping a picture, sending it off to Aunt May before Peter could breathe a protest.

She slipped her phone into her pant suit pocket, and walked over to the couch, toeing her heels off as she did. She ran a hand over Peter's hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead in greeting as she smiled down at him and Tony.

"You're incredible, Peter. Friday showed me your little ruse against Tony." Pepper smirked at him before her expression softened again. "Thank you. He's been running on empty and refused to rest. It wasn't even over anything important, he just got hyperfixated on his work and all logic left his mind. So thank you. I'm glad he listens to you."

Peter smiled sheepishly at her. "It's not a problem Ms Potts. He makes me rest so I thought it was unfair if he refused to do the same. I just had to be sneaky about it."

"He always forgets that you can be just as sneaky as he can. I can't wait to see his face when he realises that you tricked him. Rhodey and Happy will never let him live down falling for his own trick." The businesswoman laughed quietly, her eyes alight with fondness and mirth.

She petted his hair, glancing at her watch. "Do you mind staying trapped a little longer while I get changed into something comfy?"

Peter shook his head. He was comfortable and more than happy to be cuddled like a teddy bear. "Nah, I honestly might just take a nap too. It wasn't too bad, but last week's tests did actually leave me pretty tired."

"Okay, I'll be back in a bit." She stood before pausing and looking at Peter. "Thank you, Peter." 

He knew it was more than just a thank you for this, that it was for all the other times that he and Tony had helped each other, had laughed, bonded. Become family.

So he nodded, and leant his head back down against Tony’s chest and shoulder, drifting off with the comfort of the irregular yet steady heartbeat under his head

[oldiesstationlover11607]

🎶And I say hello🎶

Hello! Tis I! 💛. Your favorite anon. Oddly enough, right before I was going to send in this request, you posted about missing me. First of all, that made my night (like, honestly, I was having a bad night and it made me smile so big). Second of all, your most recent Blurryface fic was amazing (you’re making me into a Blurryface Tyler fan slowly but surely). Also, and I know you have absolutely no reason to care, but I’m going to the Clancy tour this week! I may drown you in your related requests…just a heads up.

Anyways, my request. I am currently in a master’s program (forensic psychology master’s students for the win!) and so I was wondering if you could possibly write a one shot where Josh tries to help the reader study for a test (doesn’t have to be forensic psychology related. Could be any class. Though I’d like it to be a college class), but ends up being more so a distraction/hinderance than a help.

As always, you can change this request up and bit if you like or you don’t have to do it. It’s up to you! Like I said, I’m but a humble freeloader and you are the artist. 😊

Study - Josh Dun x reader

Relationship: Josh Dun × Reader

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1632

A/N: Rahh I love this idea! I’ve been looking forward to going to college and am in study mode so it’s perfect! When you submitted the request I was having a bad day too so I'm glad we're able to cheer each other up :) Forensic psychology sounds cool, I have a friend who is interested in doing it but I have no idea what it’s about other than crime and psychology. I'm wanting to do a major in cinematic arts (basically film school) but I'm not sure what I want my minor to be. I'm interested in so much it's hard to choose but I'm looking at music production, classics, or journalism. Because I've been working on my media studies project at school I though I'd make the subject she's studying for related to that (I hope that's okay). ALSO I’m so excited that your Clancy Tour show is this week!! That’s so exciting 😁 I have to wait till November, my show is the first international show and I’m low key scared that they’re going to change the setlist. I’m bringing my non clique friend to the show and if they decide to add or take away songs from the setlist she’s going to think I’m having a mental breakdown (which I 100% will be lol. In a good way). Anyways, sorry for the long intro/rant thing, I don't have many friends at my school and I needed to rant 😭

The last place I expected to be with Josh was my college library, considering the fact that he didn’t go to college and never planned to. In fact, I was pretty sure the last time Josh had stepped foot in a library was all the way back in high school. I’d only found out a couple months after we’d started dating that we had gone to the same school. He had graduated two years before me so we didn’t know each other but as fate would show, we met at Guitar Centre after I’d decided to teach myself drums. Turns out teaching yourself drums is hard and you do in fact probably need a teacher, and that teacher will probably end up being that cute boy that sold you your first pair of sticks. Normally, Josh and I would hang out at home or with our friends but this week I was in full study mode with finals coming up. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to meet me later?” I asked, finding an empty table to sit down at. I placed my bag on the chair next to me while Josh sat down on the opposite side. He was wearing a black hoodie that he’d bought at the mall the other day and a beanie, perfect for the autumnal weather outside. It had been raining a lot recently, the light pitter patter of rain becoming a common occurrence as we fell asleep each night. 

“I’m sure,” he laughed, folding himself over the table and resting his head on his arms. 

“Okay,” I shrugged, pulling out my computer and opening it to my work. I had a couple pages of notes to read, and a practice essay to write. Yay. College. Josh pulled out his phone and started scrolling through social media, the speakers of his phone playing music–loud enough to hear but quiet enough to not bother anyone other than me. With each scroll of his finger the audio changed, progressively capturing my attention and pulling me away from my own screen. Josh clearly noticed I was getting distracted because he put his phone away and pointed to the blank notebook page in front of me. 

“What are you supposed to be learning about anyways?” he asked, tilting his head slightly and peering over my computer screen. I tilted it back so he could get a better look, the display showing two pages from my textbook for media studies. 

“Well, I’m reading this textbook section about the media and how people have different lenses that they view things. It’s kind of interesting,” I explained. Josh smiled, resting his head on his chin and listening attentively. “It’s like how you’ll view a musician character differently to how someone who doesn’t make music would.” Josh nodded as if he knew what I was talking about–he did in fact have no idea. 

“Let me help you, I’m sure it’s not that hard,” he suggested. He got up and moved around to the chair next to me, grabbing my bag and placing it on the ground so he could sit down. While I knew full well that Josh wasn’t going to be any help but I wanted nothing more than to spend time with him–he was always busy with band practice or work, making me cherish every moment we had together. He pulled my computer closer to him, reading the textbook page and taking notes with my pen. As he wrote each word on the page I could feel my body tingle with excited nerves. Josh had always been able to do that to me. If he was close, I had to fight off the butterflies to the point where I would lose focus on what I was supposed to be doing–which was exactly what was happening right now. “You get that?” 

“Huh?” I looked up at him as he let out a soft chuckle. 

“Do you understand the concept? The uh, natural bias of viewers impacts how they see the characters in movies, books, and tv,” he repeated. I listened, taking notes and bullet-pointing what he was saying. He sounded almost like he was in the class himself, which was surprising considering Josh was the least academic person I knew. 

“Mhm, yeah,” I nodded. As the lunch period ended more and more students piled into the library, filling up the tables and making the room louder. 

“It’s getting kinda hot in here,” Josh said, pulling off his hoodie to reveal one of his band’s merch shirts and his perfectly toned arms. Twenty one pilots was starting to get more and more popular with their latest music being played on college and city radio, meaning the likelihood of him being recognised was rising every day. Josh was looking around the room as more people poured in but I couldn’t look away from him. My boyfriend was hot and I couldn’t deny it–I was practically drooling and couldn’t wait for that night, when we’d be able to snuggle up in bed together. 

“What?” he questioned, snapping me out of my daydream. I could feel my face heat up slightly. 

“You’re distracting,” I smirked, causing him to laugh. 

“How am I distracting? I’m literally just sitting here,” he pointed out. I tapped my pen against his shoulder. A large smile crept onto his face along with a flush of warmth. 

“You like?” he teased, causing me to roll my eyes. 

“Yes. A lot,” I joked back. I leaned my chin against my hand and smiled widely at him. “Stop staring,” he laughed. I couldn't help it. What I really needed to be doing was studying but Josh was the most distracting boy on the planet and if we kept going the way we were, I wasn’t going to get any work done. 

“I was supposed to be studying,” I chuckled, rolling my eyes. He knew how important my finals were for my grade and he knew how much work I’d put into my courses, but somehow he couldn’t hold back his cheeky self, even when it mattered. 

“Okay, okay.” He held up his hands in mock surrender, trying to appear apologetic. He leaned back in his chair and looked at me with a sly smile. I got back to my work, taking notes and trying to figure out what I was going to write my essay on. Once again, Josh pulled out his phone, this time texting Tyler about their next gig. As he typed, he occasionally glanced at me. Without warning, he suddenly reached out and tickled my side, trying to get a reaction out of me. I laughed loudly and covered my mouth, trying to muffle the noise. 

“Josh! Stop it!” I took a deep breath between laughs. Suddenly, a group of girls approached our table, their eyes wide with excitement as they clearly recognized Josh. One of them spoke up, a blonde woman wearing a white crop top and a bright pink skirt–clearly a sorority girl, my mortal enemies. 

“Excuse me, you're Josh Dun from Twenty One Pilots, right?” Josh looked up from his phone, clearly taken aback by her boldness. He flashed the celebrity smile he’d been working on in the mirror lately and nodded. I rolled my eyes, trying to hold my focus. Josh shot me a quick smirk when he saw my reaction, clearly amused by the situation. He then turned his attention back to the girls who were bombarding him with questions. I could tell they were starstruck, which was weird considering that it was just Josh. The Josh I’d met at Guitar Centre, drum teacher Josh, wearing a blonde wig and making stupid skits Josh–my boyfriend Josh. A short brunette clutched her phone tightly, moving in closer to him. 

“Oh my god, can I please get a picture with you?” she asked, her voice quivering with excitement. I moved closer to my computer, trying to regain my focus despite there clearly being no hope. Josh chuckled lightly at the girl's request and looked over at me, noticing how irritated I was. He could tell I was trying to focus on studying for my finals and the sudden intrusion by the girls was clearly not helping. As always, he tried to be polite. 

“Sure, but can we make it quick? My girlfriend really needs to focus on her studies,” he responded, emphasizing the word ‘focus’ when he looked at me. I couldn’t hide the smile on my face. The girls nodded and Josh took a couple of photos, moving into different poses so each girl could get enough photos on each of their phones. I wondered if this was going to become more common with time, whether Josh will get recognised more often. According to Jenna, Tyler was getting it a lot but she’d found a way to cope with the fuss. She was always better than me at the celebrity girlfriend thing. 

“Thank you so much!” the blonde flashed an award-winning smile at Josh.

“Good luck on your finals,” the brunette waved goodbye. I was surprised they cared enough to even address me. 

“Thanks,” I smiled. The girls walked away whispering to each other about the interaction, clearly excited. “They were nice,” I said, turning to Josh. 

“Most people who recognise us are. The people who like our music are different, they care. But… you need to get back to studying. It’s already 5,” he responded. I looked at the clock on my computer and sure enough it was 5pm, we’d been sitting there for an hour getting incredibly distracted with each and every interaction with each other. 

“Remind me to never allow you to ‘help’ me study ever again,” I chuckled, getting back to my work. 

Josh pressed his lips to my temple and ruffled my hair.

“Noted.”

//

REQUESTS ARE OPEN HUMANS! I've gotten a lot more followers recently so feel free to request anything! Can't wait to see what ideas you guys have!

[kazoosandfannypacks]

“Always Remember (the burning embers)” by kazoosandfannypacks

Pairing: Captain Swan Rating: General Word Count: 1380 Summary: Killian and Emma have a late night conversation about careless words that've left their scars Tags: au, fluff, captain swan, one shot, post canon, canon compliant, fix-it-fic, missing moment Author’s notes: I've been planning this fic for a little while here, since sometime during season 5. The title is based on the taylor swift song "the great war," which I feel nicely sums up Killian and Emma during the Dark Ones arc, though this fic takes place probably a couple years later. Taglist:@zahara@kmomof4@jonesfandomfanatic@booksteaandtoomuchtv@jrob64@tiganasummertree@anmylica@teamhook@undercaffinatednightmare@gingerchangeling@lonelyspectator@caught-in-the-filter  @ultraluckycatnd  @cs-rylie @silver-the-phoenix @pawshapedheart [if you’d like to be added to or removed from this list, hmu in my dms or askbox!]

Also on Ao3!

 Killian had gotten so used to waking up next to Emma that it always felt weird when he didn't- especially when it was two A.M., and she'd been right there when he fell asleep, and now she wasn't.

 At first, he suspected maybe she'd gone to the bathroom or to get a drink of water or something like that- but then he saw her, sitting at the foot of the bed, seeming a touch unwell.

 "Is something wrong, love?" he whispered.

 She turned around, a bit startled.

 "I didn't realize you were still up."

 "Love, it's two in the morning," he said, "have you been awake this whole time?"

 "I guess," Emma said.

 "What's wrong, love?"

 "Nothing," she shook her head.

 He knew her better than to believe that.

 "What's wrong?" he repeated.

 "Nothing important." Emma said, quickly.

 "Emma," he said, hoping his soft tone could soften whatever armor she'd been crafting, "if you're up thinking about it at two in the morning, it must be important. What's wrong?"

 She sighed, and glanced back at him for a moment- and in that moment he nodded to her, like you'd nod to an injured animal to ask it to trust you, to tell her, "Go on. Let me help you."

 "It still feels like a fairy tale," she said.

 Rather than try and read into that statement, he simply asked for clarification.

 "What does?"

 "All of it," she said, in a whispered breath like an angry laugh, "you, Henry, my parents, our home- our happy beginning."

 "Aye," Killian nodded, knowing she still hadn't hit the point of her problem.

 "And the problem with a fairytale is the story always ends, the book closes, and you're back to being whoever it was you were escaping from."

 "Emma," Killian crawled out from under the covers and over to the foot of the bed so he could sit next to her, "what we have here is real, and it's not going away."

 "I know," Emma shook her head, "and I'm trying so hard to believe that."

 "What's stopping you?"

 She shrugged. "Myself. For someone whose job is happy endings, I'm pretty good at destroying my own."

 "What's that supposed to mean, love?" Killian asked, trying to sound reassuring and not like that was the dumbest thing he'd ever heard.

 "I…." she shook her head.

 "You don't need to push me away, love."

 "That's just the thing- that's what I do," she shook her head, "I push people away- people I love."

 And she tacked on, on top of it all, so softly he almost didn't hear it: "and that's why I'll always be an orphan."

 "Emma, love," he said, carefully but desperately turning her face to his, "where did you get such a ridiculous idea?"

 She pushed away physically this time, shaking her head and turning away from him.

 "I'm glad you don't remember," she said, almost smiling.

 "Remember what?"

 "It's nothing."

 "It's not," he insisted, his voice raising above a whisper for the first time that night, "talk to me."

 Her eyes almost seemed the blue ones for all the tears they held back as she looked up at him. He wanted to help her, wanted to dry the tears she was afraid to cry, wanted to clean up the mess she was afraid to spill, and wanted to make everything right for her. That's all he ever wanted for Emma, to be that for her, to be the one she could turn to no matter what she was facing- to be the one who made her burdens lighter.

 "The conversation at Regina's," Emma took a deep breath, "back when we were Dark Ones."

 He'd tried so hard to purge those awful memories, choosing to dwell on their happy moments instead of ones like that, those moments where they didn't trust each other, where they closed themselves off to each other, where they argued with each other….

 "That moment when I told her she'd always be an orphan," He recalled, "her pain now is my fault."

 He didn't know what to say now. All he knew how to do was throw his arms around her, pull her close to him, hold her as tight as he could and choke out an "I'm sorry."

 So, that's what he did.

 "It wasn't you," Emma said, "it was the darkness. I've tried not to mention it, because I know you'd never…."

 Though he couldn't see her face (which was buried in his embrace,) he could tell by the way her voice trailed off that she was crying, and he quickly let go of his right arms' grip around her, so he could catch the tears as they rolled down her cheek.

 He knew his apology was nowhere near sufficient, but he still didn't know what to say- what could his words do to make up for such loveless atrocities?

 "I'm sorry," Emma said, "I shouldn't've brought it up. I shouldn't've mentioned it."

 "Nonsense," he said, taking her hand in his and pulling it close to his chest, "I never want you to think that a problem you have is too big to share with me. Understand?"

 She nodded. He sighed, unsure what words would tumble out after his breath.

 "I love that you're my anchor, Emma," he said, "a ship would be lost without her anchor, and I'd be lost without you. I love everything you've ever done for me. Do you know what else I love about you?"

 "What?"

 "Call me a bit of a narcissist, but I love that you're my mirror. When I see you, I see a lot of myself. I see someone who never gives up, someone who risks their life for those they love, someone who does everything they can to be a hero, no matter what mistakes they've made.

 "And when I first met you, I saw what you were," he continued, "and what I was- a lost boy, a lone wolf- an orphan. And when I said those angry dark words I wish I could take back, words I never should've said- I was talking to myself too."

 He'd never seen a perfect blend of confusion and understanding quite like the one he saw on her face now.

 "We did push people away, love. We did hide from the people who cared about us. That's why we should still be orphans. But that's not what we are anymore."

 "Why not?"

 "Because we turn to the people we love. We've set aside our armor and chosen something new."

 "What's that?"

 "Trust."

 Still holding her hand close to his heart, he instead brought it to his lips and kissed it.

 "Emma Swan, you will never be an orphan again. That's not who you are anymore. You're the Savior. You're my True Love, my happy beginning and ending and everything in between. You're a mother and a daughter and a hero and the most perfect wife a man could ever ask for."

 "Some days I have trouble believing that," Emma shook her head, "but I believe in you."

 With the hand that he wasn't holding, Emma reached up and stroked his face, her cold hand warming against his cheek. "So if you can believe in me, I can believe in me too," she said.

 "I'm glad to hear it, love."

 "And you're not an orphan anymore either, Killian Jones," Emma said. She kissed his hand, then pulled it close to her heart, "You're my family. You're my best friend. You're my true love. My hero."

 "Aye," He nestled his head against her forehead, gently, then whispered "I love you."

 "I love you too," she whispered back, "thank you."

 "Anytime, love," he said, "now, let's get back to bed."

 They both let go of each other, only so they could crawl back across to the other side of the bed. As soon as they were both under the covers, Emma slid into his arms, wrapping her own arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest.

 "Goodnight, my love," he said, craning his neck forward so he could kiss her forehead.

 "Goodnight, Killian." She replied, sounding sleepy but satisfied.

 And with that, Killian fell asleep the only way that felt natural anymore- with Emma in his arms.

[ph4os]

So... this is a serious post which however may touch the sensitivity of many people, which is why, before reading, I warn you that I will talk about feminicide, harassment and stalking. I also put a divider right under these warnings to prevent someone who hasn't read this first part from reading something and feeling triggered while scrolling.

Today in Italy, after exactly a week, the body of a girl who disappeared together with her ex was finally found. The killer's lawyer (that's still at large, supposedly in AUSTRIA) said that this murder was not premeditated, that he loved her because "he always made biscuits for her". [Do you know where the fuck you can put those shitty biscuits? I'll tell you, up your ass.] The truth was that he didn't love her, he was obsessed with her. He was jealous of her. He was jealous of the fact that yesterday she would graduate while he didn't, he was out of class and would probably never get the degree. He was jealous that she was able to make a life without him. The killer's acquaintances, his family, are filling the newspapers saying that he was a very good boy. Now I have to ask myself something: men always justify themselves by saying "not all men" that "men who do these things stand out, you can see when a man is dangerous". So why, every time something like this happens, the people around the killer always say that he was a "good guy, polite and with sound principles"? Do you realize the bullshit you're talking about? Do you see the inconsistencies or am I the crazy one? You know what else is absurd? The fact that the media continues to use photos of the two of them together, from when they were engaged. It's crazy that they refer to him as her ex. He's not her ex. He is her killer. He is a MURDERER, a fugitive, an outlaw. NOT. HER. EX. It's a horrible thing to say, but part of me wants him to kill himself too, because people like that don't deserve to be in the world and I know for a fact that if they ever catch him, he'll be out of prison after a couple of years for good conduct and, consequently, Giulia will never have the justice she deserves.

Three hours after this news another very similar one arrived: another woman, a nurse, was shot by her husband who was jealous because she was very good at her job and very well liked by patients.

It's not normal. It's not normal that I was molested by an eighteen year old boy wen I was in eighth grade. It's not normal that he stalked me for 2 years. It's not normal that if Covid hadn't divided us I probably wouldn't be here writing now. It is not normal that I should be afraid to go out in my city for fear of die like one of these poor women. It's not normal that my best friend, even though she's never been harassed, is still afraid to go on date a with a guy without first sending me her real-time location. It's not normal that I have to stay awake until she texts me that she's back home safe. It's not normal for both me and her to have a ready message to send to each other's parents in case one of us stops responding during a date with a man or goes out alone at night. It is not normal that none of the men I follow have never posted even a story for the International Day for Elimination of violence against women or even a message of condolence for the families of today's victims. It's not normal for me to have to fear for my safety every time I set foot outside the house.

It's not normal. I'm tired and scared of this world. I just want this to end.

"Not all men", but all women.

[secretsofthestorymakers]

Wish Analysis Pt. 1/3

I just saw Wish and 😍😍✨🤩!!!!!! I love it SO MUCH!!!! I have a rule for myself: watch first, analyze later, so I only really have surface level analysis right now, but I figured I’d write and post it anyway! Sorry this is gonna be super long, I typed a whole essay! Obviously spoilers ahead:

First of all, let me just say that I was absolutely dazzled! The animation, the songs, the story, AHHH so good! And STAR 🤩🤩!! YES! The songs felt very Disney, but in a new way that I absolutely loved. I was crying, stifling screams (because movie theater), and I nearly fell off my chair a few times. I’m legit thinking about going to see it again tomorrow.

Ok, enough of me just fangirling haha. There were so many references to other Disney movies in Wish. I know I missed some while watching and I’ve forgotten some since then, but I’ll try to summarize what I saw. Beginning with a storybook was a beautiful choice as a nod to old Disney movies. So many Snow White references, it was insane. Dahlia and the other kitchen workers were the seven dwarves, the wishing well (that was also a hidden Mickey), Magnifico’s whole hidden lair (especially the poison apple and listing ingredients). There was a bear named John (Little John from Robin Hood), a bunny did Thumper’s foot tapping thing, a deer named Bambi, the mushrooms and flowers dancing could be Alice in Wonderland all in the You’re a Star sequence. There were lanterns and the boats as a reference to Tangled. The vines of magic across the castle at the end looked very much like Maleficent’s magic. The swirling clouds above the castle looked like Night on Bald Mountain. When Magnifico got trapped in the staff at the end was very Jafar in the lamp. At one moment in the forest Magnifico directly mirrored a shot of the Headless Horsemen from The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr Toad. Asha riding on a deer surrounded by other deer could have been a reference to Lost in the Woods. And all the wishes briefly mentioned/shown were references to other Disney movies; one directly used footage from Peter Pan (and then showed Peter and Wendy in the very end), a wish for true love could be any number of movies, the wish to sail a ship could be Peter Pan, but I think was probably Moana, the wish for a perfect nanny for their children must have been Mary Poppins (which is slightly odd, since every other reference I caught was to an animated movie, but whatever), and the one to climb a mountain was about Strange World. I know I’ve missed dozens of references, but that’s all I can think of right now!

[rpf-bat]

Flufftober Drabbles, Day 20: Bedtime Stories

I’m sorry for waiting until 8:45 at night to post this, but it’s Joel/Niko, and it’s 1,136 words. 🥀

….This is the longest one I’ve done so far. ^^;

It was the night before UMK 2021, and Joel was tossing and turning in his hotel bed.

The sound of his restless squirming, was keeping Niko (who had the misfortune of rooming with him) awake.

“Dude,” Niko sighed, rubbing his tired eyes, “are you really that nervous?”

“Yes!” Joel confessed anxiously. “I mean, what if we fuck up tomorrow, in front of the entire country?”

“We’re not going to fuck up,” Niko assured him, from his spot on the other bed. “We’ve rehearsed the song a dozen times. There’s no way you would mess up the lyrics. At this point, you could probably even sing it in your sleep.”

“But what if everyone hates it?” Joel wondered, staring at the ceiling

“We don’t have to win,” Niko shrugged. “Everyone doesn’t have to like it. But, if we get even a few new Spotify listeners from this, I’ll be happy.”

“I’m not worried about winning,” Joel grumbled. “I’m worried about making an ass out of myself on live television!”

“Well, you’ll do better onstage tomorrow, if you get your rest tonight,” Niko yawned. “So….is there anything I can do to help?”

“I don’t know,” Joel muttered. “Tell me a bedtime story?”

“What, like you’re five?” Niko laughed.

“Never mind,” Joel grumbled, turning over on his side. “You’re always super confident about everything. You don’t know what’s it like.”

“Well, alright,” Niko suggested, “then how about I tell you a story, about a time I didn’t have the confidence to do something? I always regretted it.”

“Is this a true story?” Joel asked, rolling back, to look in Niko’s direction.

“Yeah, I’m serious,” Niko nodded. “This is something that happened, back when I was eighteen.”

“Bullshit - I knew you when you were eighteen,” Joel shook his head. “You were a cocky bastard, even back then.”

“Not all the time!” Niko insisted. “Do you want to hear the story, or not?”

“I’m listening,” Joel said, stretching out against his pillows. “Go ahead.”

“In 2013, I had a crush on this guy,” Niko began. “From the moment I met him, I knew he was something special. It was like, love at first sight.”

“That’s not real,” Joel scoffed.

“Is too!” Niko argued. “I felt it, man. I swear.”

“So, what did you do?” Joel asked curiously. “Did you ask for his number?”

“Nah,” Niko shook his head. “I was too scared, of messing up our friendship. I wasn’t even sure if he swung that way.”

“Oh, true,” Joel considered. “If he shot you down, it would’ve been really embarrassing.”

“Right. I was terrified!” Niko recalled, chuckling. “So, I asked Joonas what I should do.”

“Why Joonas?” Joel frowned. “You know, if you had come to me with your problem, I would’ve tried to help, too….”

“Well, uhh…,” Niko reddened. “Joonas had known the guy for a long time. So, I figured he would know if I had a shot or not.”

“Niko, we all went to the same high school!” Joel pointed out, still a little hurt that Niko hadn’t come to him for advice. “Is the guy someone I know, too?”

“Are you gonna let me tell the story, or not?” Niko pouted.

“Sorry,” Joel replied. “Go on.”

“So, Joonas told me to go for it,” Niko explained. “He suggested that I buy the guy flowers.”

“I’ve never gotten flowers from anyone in my life,” Joel confessed. “That’s normally a gift people give to women, y’know?”

“Exactly,” Niko nodded. “That was his logic. Nobody had ever given the guy a bouquet before, so he would be impressed, and think it was special.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Joel shrugged.

“So, one day, on my way home from band practice, I bought a dozen roses at the supermarket,” Niko went on. “Red ones. Really fucking pretty.”

“And what did he say, when you gave them to him?” Joel asked.

“That’s where I screwed up,” Niko frowned. “It snowed that night. But, I still trudged through the cold, on foot, with my stupid bouquet, all the way to his house.”

“And then…?” Joel asked, in suspense.

“I couldn’t fucking knock,” Niko admitted, looking ashamed. “I was standing right outside his house. And I couldn’t make myself knock on his door. I was too scared. What if he didn’t feel the same way? What if confessing my feelings, made him hate me?”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t hate you,” Joel said softly.

“You don’t know that!” Niko snapped. “So….yeah. I left. I dropped the roses on the ground, and I took off. By morning, the bouquet probably got buried, under all the snow. I’m sure he never even saw it.”

“That was it?” Joel realized, eyes wide. “You never told him how you felt?”

“No,” Niko said sadly. “Joonas asked me how it went. I lied and told him I got rejected. That was easier, than admitting I never even had the balls to try.”

“I’m sorry that happened,” Joel said sympathetically. “But…it was years ago, right? I’m sure you’re over that guy by now.”

“Well, I…I don’t know,” Niko stammered, his cheeks turning red. “Sometimes, I still wish I could go on a date with that guy. Just once.”

“Then, you should ask him out on a date!” Joel encouraged. “You’re a confident, cool rock star now, right? So, if you guys are still friends, why don’t you send him a text? I mean, the worst he can say is no.”

“I can’t text him,” Niko shook his head.

“Dude, come on!” Joel scoffed. “You expect me to be brave enough, to sing onstage tomorrow, in front of all of Finland. But you’re not even brave enough, to text one guy, who you’ve had a crush on since high school?!”

“I can’t text him,” Niko said, in the quietest possible voice, “because we’re in the same room.”

“What?” Joel blinked.

“….You heard me,” Niko blushed, staring down at the floor.

“Are you saying…it’s me?!” Joel gasped. “I’m the guy you bought flowers for?”

“Yes, so fucking reject me properly this time, so I can finally move on with my life!” Niko shouted.

“Keep your voice down,” Joel shushed him. “It’s one in the fucking morning.”

He got out of bed, and went to sit beside Niko. He took the brunette’s shaking hands, in his own.

“Niko,” Joel whispered. “Look at me.”

Green eyes hesitantly stared into blue.

“I’m not going to reject you,” Joel smiled. “I would actually love to go on a date with you.”

“What?” Niko’s jaw dropped. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Joel grinned. “C’mere.”

He grabbed Niko by the collar of his pajama shirt, and pulled him into a kiss.

Niko’s lips were so soft. But, his hands were rough, as he pulled Joel closer. Their kiss deepened as they collapsed against the pillows, all their nervousness about the next day forgotten.

[no-psi-nan]

A while ago, a friend suggested writing Saikechi with ASMR as the theme, and I started on a lil one-shot but then stopped when I realized I'd have to write a truly big huge-long Akechi monologue to do it the way I'd planned. So instead I put that headcanon into Intimate Variety lol.

But I did write 1k of it, and it seems a shame to just delete it, so I'm gonna post it here for anyone who wants to read what there is of it, plus my notes on what was going to happen next. I'd say it's T-rated, basically just talking lol.

ASMR Sleepover Time

"Chiyopipi, Chiyopipi… Here's the bottom line: if ya wouldn't do it with your momma, it sure af ain't platonic."

"Well, I've heard people say that massages are a romantic thing, but isn't giving your mom a massage pretty normal??"

"I mean, yeah, platonic affection is a hella gray zone and it's different for like almost everybody. But purposely making somebody feel intense physical pleasure ain't it, chief– that's where I think most people gotta draw the line."

"I don't know, Miko-chan, I still think it can be platonic! There's nothing weird about whispering in someone's ear or petting their hair, right? Whether it happens to be an ASMR trigger has nothing to do with it!"

"Babygirl, would it be platonic to rub your buddy's feet if you knew they had a foot fetish?"

"That's different!! That's a– you know! Totally different from ASMR!"

[You guys sure like to discuss weird topics, good grief.]

"Oh hey Kusuo~! Wait, maybe you can settle this debate, babe–"

[I am not getting involved in this conversation.]

"Did I hear someone mention a debate? Oh, hello Kusuo-kun, Miko-chan, and Yumehara-san! My apologies, I couldn't help but overhear some sort of stirring discussion on this corner, though I haven't yet cottoned on to the particular topic under consideration. Would you be so amenable as to restate it for me?"

(Akechi admits to having experienced ASMR before but immediately changes the topic to some of the research on the subject. Saiki thinks to himself that ASMR sounds like a lot of weird bullshit and doesn't really have any interest in the matter, especially since it probably can't affect him.)

[Akechi Touma.]

[Why the hell are you calling my house this late at night?]

"Oh, hello Kusuo-kun! What a pleasure to hear your voice, I fully expected that you'd immediately hang up immediately upon being handed the phone before even discovering the purpose of my call!"

[I still might. What a pain… I was seriously climbing into bed right now.]

"Kusuo-kun, by any chance, are you using your telepathy right now? It's only that I'm hearing your voice in my head quite perfectly without any of the mild audio distortion typical of cellular networks!"

[ …Maybe.]

[Never mind that. Why are you whispering?]

"To be perfectly honest, it is actually my de facto bedtime right now as well! As my mother has settled in to sleep in the room next door, I thought it would be prudent to maintain a more discrete volume of speech so as to not disturb her slumber."

[Again: why the hell are you calling my house this late at night?]

"Oh Kusuo-kun, it is simply that I currently find myself well-situated under a set of lovely clean sheets and my favorite weighted blanket, accompanied of course by a choice selection of stuffed animals. With the enforced darkness of my blackout curtains and the pleasantly cool temperature of my bedroom, these are indeed optimal sleeping conditions. And yet despite all this, I find myself unable to succumb to Morpheus' grip."

[ … ]

[Good grief, what do you expect me to do about that?]

[I don't have any special powers that can put people to sleep. The best I can do is play a lullaby through telepathy.]

"While I will be the first to admit that a telepathic lullaby does sound quite relaxing, it isn't particularly what I had in mind as the aim of this phone call. Now, I'm sure you are quite impatient to discover the objective of this communication, and I am happy to inform you that my motivation is twofold. First, I have lately been concerned about the quality of rest you've been enjoying lately, ever since your powers were temporarily deleted and summarily restored. And I am very certain that you are currently rolling your eyes and are about to rebuke me for interrupting that very sleep, but please allow me to elaborate. It is my understanding that the range of your telepathy has increased somewhat, causing you to hear more peripheral mental voices than before. This, in turn, must be creating more difficulties in winding down to an appropriate relaxation state for restorative sleep. The seemingly obvious solution would be to wear your germanium ring to bed, forestalling the thoughts of your neighbors and family. However, both you and I are aware that completely cancelling your telepathy is the source of great anxiety for you, due to your learned hypervigilance. Despite logically knowing that no enemies are in pursuit, no amount of reasoning will allow you to relax when you are experiencing nothing but your thoughts in the lonely darkness of your room. This is why I propose this late-night conversation. I expect it will be more comforting and familiar for you to hear at least one other voice while wearing the germanium ring, hopefully easing your anxiety to the point where you can more easily drop into a restorative sleep. If this experiment is successful, it could prove to be a simple method for alleviating your fatigue."

[ … ]

[And the second reason?]

" … …Well. It is simply that I would like to talk with you, Kusuo-kun. You are my very best friend, and yet we rarely have opportunities to 'chit-chat' one-on-one, due to our schooling, your rather large social circle, and your tendency towards introversion. I hypothesize and hope that this hour and method may serve as an effective way to catch up and enjoy each other's company."

[ … ] 

"I have seen evidence of happiness in you when we share space, however reluctant you may be to organize such occasions yourself. In fact, it is quite fortuitous that your friends are so familiar with your reclusive nature that they do not take offense at your distaste of initiating encounters. Less understanding companions might truly believe that you do not desire their presence."

[ … ] 

[You have a point. What a pain… ] 

[Maybe I should ask my friends to hang out sometimes. Instead of waiting to be strung along.] 

"Indeed! You may even discover that being the organizer enables you to select the time, setting, and duration of each encounter to your preference, instead of remaining at the mercy of whoever roped you into the encounter." 

[Alright, alright. I get it.] 

[We can talk for a little while. See if your idea works.] 

[I could seriously use more sleep… ] 

"Marvelous! I am always delighted in your willingness to challenge yourself for the benefit of your loved ones. Such an admirable trait~" 

[ … ] 

"But I digress! 

(Akechi calls Saiki on the phone because he knows clairvoyance can be tiring, especially if Saiki also has to use his telepathy long distance. Saiki is annoyed at first because he had just been about to go to bed and get some rest, but Akechi suggests that he use his germanium ring since he's going to be awake anyways, and rest a bit that way. Saiki agrees, possibly because Akechi's whispers pique his interest, and quickly realizes that having only Akechi's whispering voice in his head feels really really nice. The silence of the ring is usually too complete for his comfort, so having Akechi affectionately talk his ear off gives the perfect level of noise. Saiki finds himself experiencing ASMR and shivering with delight, actually humming out loud to let Akechi know he was listening or to respond to a prompt, and taking a while to respond to more complex questions because he's so relaxed and drifty.

Akechi catches on quickly and makes sure to minimize the audience participation part of his rant, monitoring Saiki's state of relaxation by the amount of time between breaths and the tone of his hums. When he notices Saiki drifting off to sleep, he smiles and his topic drifts to how much he loves and appreciates his best friend and that he hopes Saiki has sweet dreams, though he avoids using Saiki's name so as to not wake him up. When he hears Saiki's deeply asleep, he lets his voice trail off, then he places the phone on speaker next to his pillow and hugs a teddy bear and falls asleep, both of them comforted by each other's quiet breaths.

Akechi wakes when Saiki does, wishing him a good morning and yawning. He says he slept better than usual and hopes Saiki did too. Saiki grudgingly admits that he slept very well, and that maybe Akechi's phone call was a good thing after all. Akechi tries to fish for more info to see if his ASMR theory is correct, but Saiki dodges his attempts. However, Saiki does say that he wouldn't mind having another "sleepover" and Akechi immediately jumps on the opportunity, getting him to agree to a real sleepover quite soon. During the sleepover, Saiki gets to enjoy Akechi's whispers close up, along with the gentle touch of his hand combing through his hair. And then Akechi admits that hearing Saiki's voice in his head often gives him a similar ASMR experience, so Saiki later [reads] him a book while they snuggle, and Akechi shivers delightedly against Saiki's side. )

[beelsbignaturals]

Dead is the New Alive

A/N: Happy birthday to me!!! To celebrate being a dramatic pisces, I've decided to finally post this super self-indulgent self insert MC fic! It's definitely a work in progress but the intended audience is literally me and whoever is unfortunate enough to stumble across this. Big thank you to Aki for helping with literally everything ily homie! Yes the first scene is low-key a songfic. The song is What Will I Remember by Emilie Autumn if you want to give it a listen. Title is also an Emilie Autumn song. Guess what album I listened to while writing lmao. Anyways enjoy!

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Warnings: Blood, gore, violence, character death (ish), teeth, strong language

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What will I remember?

"Does it hurt? Finding it hard to breathe? I'm sure it must be very unpleasant." The sadistic ass was taunting me. Quite literally adding insult to injury

What will I forget?

I did all this because I saw how much this family was hurting and this is the thanks I get?Someone laughing over me as the life drains from my eyes? After I go through all of this bullshit some stupid demon thinks he has every right in the world to end my life?

Honestly, if I didn't have claws tearing into my throat while this asshole is crushing my windpipe, I'd probably be tempted to smack that stupid grin off his face. Unfortunately, I'm in survival mode.

When this life is ending and gone

Fine. You want to kill me? I came into the world screaming and covered in someone else's blood. I plan on leaving the same way. It's game time, bitch.

What will I regret?

The next few moments are a blur of flailing limbs. One particularly well-timed kick sends me falling to the floor. Not risking it, l don't bother to catch my breath. Breathing is secondary. I need to run.

If tomorrow I don't wake up, what happens?

Moonlight shines through a nearby window like a beacon. Here goes nothing.

My sunrise, or sunset?

One foot in front of the other. Just keep running. He's behind you. Keep going. Almost there..

If I never were born

Fuck. Strong arms grab me, stopping any chance of escape. No. It's not over. I'm so close. I sink my teeth into the nearest thing I can find. Not letting go until I hear a sickening crunch followed by a string of curses. Name another human who took a chunk of flesh out of a demon's hand. I'll wait.

If I never died

Last shot. Come on. Somehow, I find the strength to launch myself out the window. Glass tears my arms to ribbons, but l'm flying and l'm free. Eat your heart out, Sally Hardesty.

Would it even matter at all?

All too soon, I collide with the pavement, knocking what little air I had left out of my lungs. I drag my bloodied body along, rocks and broken glass digging into my palms. I keep going until I physically can't move.

What should I decide?

Hopefully this will buy me enough time for someone to realize what happened. I mean. They wouldn't let me die, right? If even Belphegor was right and they didn't give a shit about me.. at the very least Lucifer wouldn't want the exchange program to be a failure. It would mess with Diavolo's plans. I'm not dying.

I always imagined I'd mean something to

someone

At least that's what I try to convince myself. The blood loss would beg to differ. But. I'll be okay. I'm sure magic will fix me up in no time. Just stay awake until help arrives. I try to focus on all the things I'll miss if I fall asleep. Late night nacho shenanigans with Beel. Watching Legally Blonde with Asmo. Helping Mammon hide from Lucifer. Kicking Levi's ass at DevilKart. All these precious moments that I'd hate to never experience again.

If I won't, 'least I tried

I'm fading in and out of consciousness. Time feels funny. Everything is in brief snippets. After what could have been hours or minutes. I register someone speaking. It doesn't sound familiar. Pressure on my chest. Sharp pain in my neck. Belphegor must've caught up with me. I wait for more torture but it doesn't come. Just a strange numbness. Decorating cakes with Luke. Feeding stray cats with Satan.

When my body suffers

So much yelling. It's too loud. I think I'm being moved? That's Mammon's voice! I did it. I'm safe. Why is he crying? They can fix me, right? It's too cold. Maybe not.

When to breath is pain

Levi is here, too! Maybe.. no. He's crying too. Oh. I guess this is it. At least I'm not alone.

Is it really madness to think

I try to reach for the nearest person. Maybe I can will someone hold my hand? No, that just made them move more. Don't leave me! Please.

Think of breaking this chain?

"Lucifer, get yer ass out here," He's staying. Thank fuck.

Is the future mine?

"Alaura, can you hear me?" After a failed attempt at nodding my head, which honestly just hurts way too much, I opt to try again to find Mammon's hand. This time, I'm actually successful.

It's kind of funny how, despite the fact I lay here dying, this is the most alive and real I've felt in a long time. These last few months have been spent on autopilot. Honestly, I didn't really believe any of it was real. I suppose death has a sobering effect.

God knows I have a past

So much commotion. So many voices. Not like I can understand much of what they are saying. Not when it all blurs together. I hold onto Mammon like a lifeline. Which, I suppose he is.

Where's my second chapter?

It seems they decide it is in everyone's best interest to not leave me lying on the ground in the middle of the night. That would be great if not for the fact they have to move me.

Or will the first also be my last?

The gaping throat wound is, understandably, not fucking pleasant. When strong arms lift me off the pavement, I struggle with energy I didn't know I had left. Kicking and screaming until it feels like my vocal cords are fried.

Is my story over if I fall asleep?

"I know, I'm sorry." The second born whispers, rings digging into my skin. Or maybe that's more glass. Regardless, he cradles my head against his chest, minimizing any movement that would further irritate my injuries.

Would anybody find me?

Crashing can be heard throughout the house. Part of me hopes Belphegor falls through a window too. Just for a small taste of his own medicine.

And would anybody weep?

With that pleasant thought, sleep takes over

I can't even pretend I care

But songs I'll never sing

Well, that means something

Yes, that means something

The next few days are spent in relative darkness. I can't see but I hear everything. It's like a strangely pleasant sleep paralysis. Plus I'm never alone for long. Asmo sits beside me, gently plucking glass from my skin, cleaning wounds of any dirt, and using a cloth to wet my lips and prevent dehydration. I get a whole manicure while he tells me about how I "got Belphie good". Apparently the majority of the dried blood stuck under my nails isn't even mine.

If it's not Asmo, it's Mammon. Half of the time he's moaning about how stupid I am. The rest is spent begging me to wake up. I try to find a way to tell him I'm right here. I'm awake. But I'm frozen in place. I don't think I've ever heard him cry this much.

Occasionally, Satan will pay a visit. Reading the Odyssey to keep me entertained. He's also the only one to update me on what's actually going on. From his visits, I can gather that I had a second attacker, not just Belphegor. The plot thickens. I barely have time to process that before learning said bitch was a vampire. This whole paralysis was just the beginning of my transformation.

Yeah, that's a hard pill to swallow.

I'm not left to think on it long. It turns out that one of the only two humans in the Devildom disappearing off the face of the earth does not go unnoticed. Doubly so when it comes to the resident angels.

With that in mind, I suppose it's not really a surprise that Luke all but breaks into the House of Lamentation, demanding to know what those horrible demons have done.

It'd be sweet if not for the little fact the second he got within ten feet of me, it feels like my bones are melting. You could tell me the air has turned to boiling water and I'd believe you.

His tiny body rushes into the room, grabbing my arm. "Oh, Alaura! Don't worry, I'll save you!"

I can only scream in agony as my flesh sizzles in his grasp. Shocked, Luke grabs my face before he gets a fucking clue. Cute kid, not the sharpest crayon in the box.

The pain of it all causes my eyes to open for the first time in days. I can hardly register the blinding light coming from the hallway. Just that this poor kid, who is, granted, older than I will ever be, starts sobbing out apologies as he stumbles backwards.

Smoke comes off my skin in waves, right where the tiny handprints sit. What is happening?

Poor Luke is dragged away, crying while half a dozen demons pour into my room.

Were they always this loud? I can't process the million different voices all speaking at once. It feels like all the small noises are worming their way into my head and eating my brain from the inside out. Footsteps sound like gunshots. The sound of fabric rustling makes me want to rip my hair out. It's too fucking loud.

Eventually catching on, Lucifer orders everyone to let me rest. He carefully applies some sort of ointment to my injuries before following suit. Alone in the dark I can finally begin to piece together what happened.

Belphegor killed me. Or tried to. Someone else swooped in to finish the job. But that's besides the point. Belphegor tried to kill me. It seems the others don't hate me enough to want me dead. Or at the very least are keeping up appearances. I'm not sure where my attempted killer is but I haven't seen or heard about them since that night.

Right... how long has it even been? I'll have to ask when someone comes around again. Knowing my housemates it won't be long before someone sneaks back into my room. Lucifer be damned.

Next order of business... apparently I'm a vampire? Not the most outlandish thing I've seen during my time in the Devildom but it's certainly up there. All I really know is from what Satan's told me and whatever I can find in my notes on Devildom history. Based on what the textbooks say, vampires are extinct in Hell. So how did this happen?

Only one way to find out and I need the facts before I let myself have a crisis. I guess the textbooks are a good starting point. Ignoring my protesting muscles, I drag myself out of bed to find any information I can.

Blah blah due to the vampire population rising at unprecedented rates and the threat to lower level demons, the King called upon the royal army to deal with the infestation.

Infestation? So I'm vermin now?

Startled by sudden pain in my jaw, my mouth opens in a silent gasp. Crimson blood drips onto the page. Just a few specks at first, but before long, I'm nearly choking as the liquid spills from my mouth.

Frantic, I run through the halls. Not particularly caring about the trail of blood I leave in my wake. Thank fuck no one is in the bathroom.

I lock the door behind me. Muscle memory. Before dashing to the mirror.

Holy shit. Maybe I'm not dead but I sure as hell look it. My body is littered with healing cuts, not to mention the two angry handprints that scorched my skin. Then there's my throat. It's healed somewhat but the mangled flesh has barely begun to scar. Honestly, it doesn't look like something I should've survived.

Fuck. The dull throbbing in my mouth turned sharp once again. Mouth opened as wide as I can manage, I try to inspect the affected area, but God, there's so much blood - I hear the small clink of something hitting the ceramic.

Holy shit. No. This isn't... this can't be happening. I'm hyperventilating as I force myself to look down. There's no way that...nope my entire tooth is sitting in the sink. Cool.... this is just great. I'm. I'm just hallucinating. Or something. That's the only explanation. Maybe I ate Solomon's cooking. That could be it. Food poisoning. Really bad food poisoning.

"Alaura?" A low voice interrupts my manic train of thought. "Alaura, please... open the door."

I don't even bother trying. I can hardly hold myself upright. Who's laughing? Is that my voice? Shit. I'm on the floor. When did that happen? The edges of my vision are fuzzy and dark. When I close my eyes, all I can see is a startling picture of my tooth. A small amount of gum is still hanging on for dear life. Much more blood than what could be considered healthy framing it like some grotesque work of art. Shit. My head hits the cold tile, and I'm watching as the door shakes on its hinges. Maybe I should've locked it.

Once again I wake up, tucked snugly in my bed. This time, however, I can spot a certain white-haired demon curled up on my floor, snoring softly. Cute but there is no way that's comfortable. I can see the dark circles and irritated skin, most likely raw from crying.

For a moment I'm transported back to simpler times. Mammon breaking into my room after a night at the casino, ranting about how "shits rigged", before passing out. Usually I'd shove a pillow under his head and throw a blanket over him before going to bed myself. Maybe even play with his hair. It's soft as hell but I know he'd complain if I did it while he was awake. I even got a beanbag chair at one point so his spine doesn't riot. With such a mundane scene, I can almost pretend things are normal.

Almost. When I poke at the tooth causing me grief earlier, I find it is longer and sharper than I remember. No. No. No. No.

"Mammon," I hiss. "Mammon wake up."

He wakes with a start, rubbing sleep from his eyes before jumping into action.

"You're up!"

I nod slowly. Knees hugged to my chest. "Is this real?"

With a sigh he plops down on my bed, walking me through complex math problems until I know without a doubt my subconscious could never make that up.

Teary-eyed, I stare at Mammon before I finally speak again. Talking feels strange with a killer toothache and one fang.

"What now?"

[slusheeduck]

I consistently hit a low after a big event that involves a lot of traveling. I know this happens every time, and I try to plan for it; it's taken the better part of 29 years, but I've finally been able to be like "if you feel low, this is normal, this is how you come down from stressors. Be gentle with yourself for the next week; if you're self-critical, that's the devil talking." Often it comes in the form of general malaise/melancholy and a fervent attempt to get involved with whatever online community I'm in at the time because I need to interact with people whose faces I can't see and who I don't need to be my irl self with. I write a lot, too (y'all saw my big-ass sad Vivec one-shot) for that same need to just escape myself for a bit.

Anyway, all that aside, this particular cycle hit at the same time an old ask blog of mine got some attention, and like I said in the tags of last night's post, I went through my very old ask blog. Like, babby's first exposure to Tumblr ask blog. And it was fun! Of course it was cringey and not at ALL something I would want to show anyone else (hence not giving the name; iykyk I guess, but I don't think anyone who followed me then is still around barring two people I would up refollowing whoops) but good lord, I could still feel the giddiness and glee surrounding every silly post. And that was great fun last night, but today it's instilled this bone-deep nostalgic melancholy. Which is silly, all things considered, but still.

And, like, I'm not about to try and relive the glory days or anything. Like fuck I'd touch that blog with a ten foot pole. But I suppose that's where some of the melancholy comes in. It's the whole "Can't repeat the past? Why, of course you can" theme from The Great Gatsby (another obsession from that same time period! My god, eighteen was sure An Age). It will never be the same as that one moment was, and it will especially never be the same as that one memory of the moment was.

I suppose, ultimately, that this scream into the void is to just point out how frustrating it is to have to sit with your nostalgia and know there's nothing that can be done about it. The people you knew are long gone, even if they're still out there--even if you still know them--and the you that was with them is gone as well.

Anyway, that's probably my one personal post for the next five years or so. I do feel better, which is nice. Maybe public navelgazing is what I need to do to get out of my usual post-travel funk.

[stillunusual]

Leeds United: Meslier, Ampadu, Cooper (Firpo 63), Kamara (Joseph 84), Bamford, Summerville, Rodon, James, Gray, Rutter (Piroe 74), Byram (Anthony 84).

Subs not used: Darlow (GK), Cresswell, Shackleton, Gelhardt, Crew. Good Friday was another dramatic day in the Championship promotion race, with all four teams who are competing for the automatic promotion spots playing at different times.

Leicester City played first, but missed their chance to go back to the top of the league by losing against Bristol City. Southampton were up next, and drew their game against Middlesbrough. Ipswich were third to play, and beat Blackburn 1-0, which moved them into top spot.

This meant that Leeds United needed a win against Watford to reclaim first place, but disappointingly we had to settle for a point after a largely sub-par performance at Vicarage Road.

In his post-match interview, Daniel Farke explained that the international break had left him with only six of his first team squad, and that he had been unable to do a training session with the full team before this game. Willy Gnonto, Ilia Gruev and Connor Roberts returned to Elland Road with injuries. Gnonto and Roberts will probably miss half of our remaining fixtures, but Gruev's injury is apparently less serious. Junior Firpo wasn't injured but was left out of the starting line up after arriving in Leeds the night before the game. Georginio Rutter had a minor hernia operation nine days ago, but was deemed fit enough to play.

For some reason, Farke decided to deal with Gruev's absence by moving Ethan Ampadu back into midfield and giving Liam Cooper a rare start in central defence which, in retrospect, turned out to be a mistake.

We've got used to our defence being well organised and solid, but right from the start the back four looked shaky, with a definite lack of understanding between Cooper, Joe Rodon and Illan Meslier in particular. And I never though I'd find myself saying this, but we really missed Firpo's forward runs, link up play and assists. We also missed Gruev's presence in midfield, where Ampadu and Glen Kamara kept getting in each other's way, and - with the notable exception of Crysencio Summerville - the whole team was poor in the first half. There were definitely some weary legs out there….

Watford are a decent side, which has under-performed massively this season, despite having several players with Premier League experience. We beat them easily at Elland Road last September, but this time things were very different. The opening few minutes were played entirely in the Leeds half of the pitch, and Watford dominated the game until the break.

However, the first real shot on goal was from Summerville in the fifteenth minute, who cut inside on his right foot and struck powerfully, forcing Daniel Bachmann into a good save.

Watford took the lead in the 31st minute, when a quick counter-attack ended with a strike by Emmanuel Dennis which Meslier saved superbly, but the ball rebounded directly to Vakoun Bayo, who made no mistake from close range. Dennis almost scored a second a few minutes later but was thwarted by a last ditch challenge from Rodon. Summerville then gave us hope with a stunning equaliser. He again cut inside and curled a shot into the far corner, and this time the Watford keeper wasn't able to get near it. But just before half time, Dennis received the ball on the right wing, pushed forward into the box, went past Cooper as if he wasn't there and beat Meslier with an unstoppable finish.

The second half was more even, and Leeds almost equalised early on, when Summerville burst into the Watford penalty area and forced Bachmann into another good save.

But we weren't able to create another clear cut opportunity before Farke made his first substitution, taking off Cooper and bringing on Firpo to play at left back, moving Sam Byram to right back, Archie Gray to midfield and Ampadu back to central defence. Leeds immediately looked more balanced and gradually took control of the game, but still struggled to find a cutting edge. Farke then replaced Rutter (who had been a shadow of his usual self and maybe should have been rested) with Joel Piroe, and with only a few minutes to go, his last throw of the dice was to replace Kamara and Byram with Mateo Joseph and Jaidon Anthony.

Literally 25 seconds later, Joseph scored the equaliser when he found space in a packed penalty area to bundle the ball into the net after an excellent run and cross from Summerville.

Moments later, Leeds almost took the lead when Summerville worked his way into the box again, only to see his shot saved by Bachman. The ball fell to Anthony who also managed to shoot on goal, but Bachmann stood firm again and made another excellent stop.

We kept up the pressure, but couldn’t find a winner….

Nevertheless, a draw felt like a good result under the circumstances, even though the day ended with Ipswich in first place on 84 points, followed by LUFC (83), Leicester (82) and Southampton (74). Leicester have a game in hand and Southampton have two games in hand.

We only have seven games left to play, so it looks like Ipswich and Leicester are once again favourites for automatic promotion….

[diaryoftheunidropout]

DAY 50

Very brief message because it's 3:30AM and all I want is to SLEEP.

I made the reckless decision to brutally go off antidepressants completely just so I can experience the full syptoms of whatever mental illness(es) I have so I can get a better and hopefully more accurate diagnosis and be take more seriously next time I see a psychiatrist.

Three days ago I felt EXTREMELY anxious for asbolutely no reason at all. I wanted to go to the restaurant, I went, and almost as soon as I stepped foot out of my flat, I got anxious. Over nothing. I just FELT anxious. And I was also super irritated by everything. That was the case yesterday too, and a little bit today as well, but it really is less and less.

These past two days I've been feeling super motivated and happy. I can get lots of stuff done and I want to get lots of stuff done. I believe in crazy shit like "I'm going to write a book and have it published" or "I'm going to study 3D animation" or "I'm going to become a tattoo artist". And to think 3 days ago I just thought I was going to do none of that and just work whatever job I'd be given...?

Anyway, I know this is probably very temporary and a relapse is probably going to kick in soon, hopefully in a week or two only, but it's probably more a matter of a couple of days.

I got my Heartstopper tattoo and I'm so so happy about it. I also love my tattoo artist. What I see in her is like... a 15 year older version of myself? We happen to have quite a lot in common except she is under medication that really treats her illness well and therefore she is pretty stable and enjoys her daily life, and that just gives me hope for my own future.

Anyway, I'll try to keep this blog updated more regularly, especially because I wanna keep track of how my mental state evolves, especially since I've had a hard time focusing and remembering anything lately, and also because whenever I feel bad I get sort of "black outs" and forget :')

See you soon hopefully

xx

Update:

I posted the first part at around 3/4AM so in order to update I must do it on the same post.

Around 2AM I felt peaceful and like I was about to fall asleep but I made the very stupid decision to reply to my grandma's messages knowing it was going to take me 2 hours. So at around 4/5AM, when I finally could go to bed, I felt super anxious, I felt like someone was in the room watching like lowkey paranoid. I think I even woke up in the middle of the night hearing someone's breath but honestly it was probably just mine obviously. I think I fell back asleep and woke up again a little before 12PM.

Then I knew I really had to finish preparing my trip to England which is just under two weeks away from now but it made me so fucking anxious. I still managed and ended up taking a lot of pleasure in it! I was pretty much laughing hysterically at everything.

Then I got up to get prepared because I'm getting my 2nd booster against Covid, which I was totally chill about until I left the house and almost had a full blown crisis with tears and anxiety, which I've been trying to fight for the past hour. It's only 10 mins til my appointment. I'm not scared of the shot in itself, I'm just too unstable. I'm not even sure the vaccine in itself is the real cause of my mental anguish, I think it's mostly because I promised myself after this shot I would stop wearing my mask, which should be liberating but instead makes me feel miserable.

We're the 21st of April and it's day 3 (I think) with no medication at all. I refrain from taking anything, not even a bit of medication against anxiety.

At some point I tried to remember what I did yesterday and just couldn't for about a minute. I still feel dizzy when I walk most of the time. When I say or think about the words "death" I just wanna cry. I wish I could die to end the suffering right as I'm writing this but when I think of dying I just get traumatizing flashbacks from my dad's death.

I'm trying to sit down somewhere and collect myself because I really must not cry in front of some poor strangers working at the pharmacy. They haven't done anything to deserve to see me like this.

I am so in pain right now. I wish a doctor would listen and try to help.

[woodedsilence]

Repeat Rambling

Last month had me changing up my personal plans at the last minute. July has me doing the same!

I’m curious why these things are happening, especially since I had fully decided to be done with all of this. If you recall in my earlier post, I had decided a slow paced Summer of relaxing, sorting & organizing my life was what I was going to do this year. But, visitors decided to come up. I had just unwound from all of that & decided to reclaim what little bit of Summer there was left to at least try to partly achieve my goals. When an hour later, almost on the dot, another call, another visit, another week of not doing what I wanted to do with my Summer. I had just brought up a bunch of boxes to sort through into my dining room when the phone rang!

I think because I am attempting for once to be selfish in my life with my time, I’m having trouble grasping the lesson to be learned here. Maybe the lesson is to put my foot down and refuse to be treated like this. Except they aren’t really treating me like anything. They just haven’t seen us in awhile and want to stop by on their way through town.

So maybe there is a lesson I am to learn with an entirely different situation altogether. Last night I opened up to someone about a deep struggle I’ve been having. I felt totally lost in my thoughts and needed someone, anyone to talk to. The only thing with me is, I only have 2 somebodies in my life. I felt desperate like a mouse trapped in a corner being stalked by three cats.

The subject, I knew, would be sensitive to this person and I tried wording things as gentle as I could because they have a tendency to not understand that I am not attacking or judging. I just have my own set of fears attached to this issue & honestly I have that right to be scared about it. Although many people will say it is selfish for me to have any problems because it isn’t me going through it, just my significant other. Like there are no valid emotions to be felt except pure unaltered support 100% of the time. I’m not allowed to feel anything here. Which, before I kind of agreed. But, now that I’m on the other side, everyone involved has the right to their emotions about it, sometimes even the negative ones. Life isn’t fair for anyone involved and it takes adjustments.

Anyway, I was only mid freakout when they decided to up and leave without telling me they had to go. They didn’t say hey, I will get back to you later or I know you’re going through something. But, I already had plans so I may not be able to get back to you right away not even a BRB. They just stopped reading and left. I thought they were waiting for me to get my freakout done then they would read and get back to me. I waited almost an hour for a response when I saw they posted about going out to dinner! They were probably being seated at the restaurant by the time I realized they were ignoring me altogether not waiting for me to get it all out.

The pathetic thing is, that’s just how they are with me and I honestly have no idea why I thought it would be any different this time. Why do I keep doing this with them? There was something different this time however. Instead of feeling like they let me down, I realized I was only letting myself down by continuing to want them in my life. I did a card pull for myself, something simple to get a better guided mind set.

It confirmed everything that was swirling through my head. I’m hoping my ability to realize how dependent I had been on this person to be a person they could never be is a sign I might actually be ready to move on and away from it all.  My cards were: Past: 2 of Pentacle {R}: Plans will not run smoothly. Present: 7 of Wands {R}: Plumb your own depth & feel the strength within Future: The world: Now you’re free to go into any direction

So maybe being able to be insistent that I am not okay with one situation has helped me find the strength I needed to walk away from another situation altogether?

It’s only a shot in the dark at this point as I have no one to talk to and confirm my thought process here. I am my own best judgement however. So, maybe?

Well, you know me and my inability to end blog posts better.                                                 So, until next time.

-Wooded Silence

[mercy-burning]

Good Little Helper

Pairing: Season 5! Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader gets assigned to be Spencer’s personal assistant of sorts after he gets shot in the knee. Category: SMUT(18+) Content Warnings: fingering (female receiving), blowjob, praise kink, dirty talk, blink and you’ll miss it cumplay Word Count: 4.7k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: So, remember yesterday when I posted about how I wished new ideas would stop distracting me from everything I’m currently working on? Yeah. This wouldn’t leave me alone, and I couldn’t work on anything until I got it out of my head, so here! Have a fic! (It was supposed to be a blurb, but I got a little long-winded so now it’s too long to be a blurb oops 😙✌) Also, I apologize for any editing mistakes, I just wrote this out in one go, so hopefully it’s alright!

***

Being assigned to assist Dr. Reid with practically his every need after he was shot in the knee wasn't exactly how I expected to spend the past few months.

And that's, like... a huge understatement.

In fact, when Agent Hotchner came up to me in the break room and said he'd like me to do the job, I dropped my coffee and shattered a mug. I could tell he was a little impatient with me, even through his kind reassurances that it was quite all right as he helped me clean it up and waited for an answer.

In the end I'd said yes to the job, though the more I thought about it the more I wondered how much lust and naivete had clouded my judgement when I did.

Because there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to survive weeks, possibly months, as Spencer Reid's assistant. Not only because he was intimidatingly intelligent and there was almost nothing I could offer him in decent conversation, but also—and more prominently—the fact that I was pretty sure I was in love with him.

Maybe that was a stretch. I definitely had a stupid major crush on him that felt more like we were in middle school, but I could barely look at him without going warm all over. In fact, I think we had only ever made eye contact once and I averted my gaze immediately, afraid I'd give myself away. If I'd have held it any longer, I was positive I'd have burst into flames.

He'd tried talking to me once, a few months after I started working at the Bureau, and it was only to ask if I'd send some files over to their tech analyst, Penelope Garcia, but when I tried answering, I stumbled over my words and ended up only getting out a squeaked, "Uh huh," before taking the files from him and scurrying off.

I almost cried that day.

Basically every time I was in his presence, I was a total wreck. Even more so than I was on any other given day.

Being his assistant did get fairly easy pretty early on, though. I mostly just stayed out of his way while he worked, and if he need anything that he could've gotten himself if not for the injury, it was my job to get it for him. I worked on my own paperwork most of the time, and he was always busy working on geographical profiles and whatever else, we only ever really had to talk when he asked for something. And that only required a, "Sure," on my end, so I could just get up, get what he needed, and then go back to work.

Still, it didn't help that sometimes I'd get distracted.

He was very distracting.

I usually waited until I was sure he was so busy in work that I wouldn't get caught. And that's when I'd peek over my computer or hide behind a book and stare at him. I know that sounds creepier than it is, but if you had to spend almost every hour of the day with him, you'd have done the same. Even though for months he was put on rest from the field, he always showed up looking more like a college professor than an FBI agent. Which, I suppose suited him more anyway. Regardless, it was a damn fine look. His hair was decently long and extremely pretty, and when he got the cane?

I was a goner.

It was at that point, though, when I started to realize that he probably wouldn't need my help anymore. He'd been allowed back into the filed by then, and even when I went with them on cases it still felt like I was more out of place than usual. Sure, I'd picked up on some minor skills that aided in profiling and otherwise, but at the end of the day I was still only a desk clerk. Sooner or later, I knew there would be a time where Agent Hotchner would inevitably tell me that I'd done a good job and could return to my menial day job.

So, even though Dr. Reid and I had gotten into a pretty regular, non-awkward rhythm, I was being a little more squirrely than usual.

And of course, he noticed.

"Y/N, are you doing alright?" he asked, looking up from his stack of paperwork. That was another thing we'd ended up doing— late into the night after everyone had gone home, we stayed late in the conference room and quietly filled out paperwork.

I barely looked him in the eye when I answered. "O—Oh, mhm. I'm fine."

"Oh... You just seem... a little different today."

On any other day I would have freaked out on the inside like a teenager, excited that he'd noticed me at all enough to notice a difference in my behavior. But that was his job after all.

"Actually, you seem rather... sad."

I did look up at him this time, and the soft glow of the table lamp lit up his features— features that looked me over with concern. I could feel my face grow warmer with every second I looked at him, until I quickly looked back down at my paper and shook my head.

"N—No, I'm okay. Promise. Just a little tired, that's all."

Usually he would have left it at that, given we didn't ever really have longer conversations than that that didn't pertain to whatever case the BAU was working on. But he pushed further, and I swallowed.

"Are you sure? Because... You can tell me if there's something wrong. I'm a good listener..."

Did I dare tell him what was really plaguing me? That I was scared I wasn't going to be able to spend time with him every day, thus most likely giving away my crush? That is, if he hadn't already figured it out by this point... Truthfully it wouldn't have surprised me.

The thought made me go warm again, and still, I kept my head down.

"I'm sure..."

And then I did something I probably shouldn't have. I looked back up at him, just a quick glance, but under his intense gaze I crumbled, flitting my eyes back down and playing with my hands.

"Is it... because of me?"

Afraid suddenly that I'd made him feel bad, I straightened a little. "No! No, not at all I... Um... I—I guess I'm just... A little sad that I'm probably... not going to be of any help to you anymore. You know, now that you're healing up."

A small smile flashed over his face, and I inwardly melted.

"Oh... In that case I... I guess I'm sad, too."

"Really?" I asked softly, my heart jumping.

"Mhm," he answered back in earnest. His features were softer than they'd ever been, eyes wide and kind, smile inviting... "You've been a great help. And you're fun to be around."

I couldn't help but smile shyly at his confession, completely bewildered that he'd think of me as someone he'd enjoyed being around, though I'd offered just about nothing interesting to any conversation we'd had. "Y—You don't mean that..."

"I do."

"C'mon, really? I... I—mean... coming from you that's... that's too generous."

He laughed a little. "How do you mean?"

"I... Well, y—you're you... I mean, you're... smart, and nice, and cu— uh,... n—nice..." I stumbled hard on that last one, squeezing my eyes shut at the thought of almost calling him cute to his face... And then I realized I'd called him nice two times... in a row.

I hadn't even realized he'd gotten up and walked over to me until I felt his cane gently tap my leg. I jumped, looking up at him and almost crumbled again right then and there. He stood over me, tall and clearly amused, and I wanted to just curl up and hide where no one would ever find me.

I also didn't want to be craning my neck so far up to see him, so I stood up, sending my chair rolling back a foot or two. The added height was better, but he was still fiarly taller than me, and with the way were standing so close to each other?

Maybe I'd made a mistake...

"I—I'm sorry," I stammered.

Still amused, Spencer tilted his head a small amount. "What for?"

"I... I don't know, m—making this awkward?"

"It's not awkward."

"It... It's not?"

He shook his head, quiet for a few beats before he nearly whispered. "What were you going to say?"

I paused. "I... What?"

"Before... You said I was smart. And nice... And... What else?"

It sounded like he was trying to get me to confess something, and quite honestly I couldn't tell if it was for humiliation or amusement or clarification purposes. I mean, it was probably safe to assume he wouldn't go out of his way to humiliate me, but... it still made me nervous.

"I—I didn't... I..."

"Y/N... Tell me?"

I'd been cornered. Quite literally, too, as my lower back hit the edge of the table. My hands shook anxiously at my sides as I contemplated what to say. The truth? Embarrassing for me. A lie? I was no good at telling lies, and I'd still end up embarrassed, because he'd be able to tell.

So, after a very long silence in which he waited on me to answer, I blurted out, as quietly as possible, "Cute."

The word sounded juvenile coming from my mouth. Right now, standing under Dr. Reid's intense scrutiny, it didn't even feel like the right word to describe him. Not that it wasn't true... But it just wasn't an elegant enough descriptor for him.

And that alone probably proved just how different we were. How out of my league he was...

"That's what I thought you were going to say," he mused, slightly breaking me out of my self-deprecation.

I would have asked him something then, anything to keep myself from looking like even more of a fool with a childish schoolgirl crush, but all words escaped me entirely. All I could do was look up at him, slowly growing warm under the intensity of his eyes and praying he wouldn't think of me as silly.

Though, it wouldn't have mattered, because he kept talking anyway, his body taking up even more space around me as his arms came around to well and truly trap me against the table.

"You're right, you know... I'm almost completely healed, and pretty soon I think I won't need an assistant anymore."

I was scared that maybe I was wrong before, and he'd actually humiliate me now, though the look in his eyes suggested otherwise. I wasn't sure what to make of all of it. SO I just stood there, trying to breath steadily as Spencer studied my face.

"And I meant it... That makes me sad. You know why?"

I shook my head, afraid to make a sound.

His head dipped lower, close enough that I could feel his breath on my mouth as he spoke. "I probably won't get to see you every day."

"Y—you want to see me?" I couldn't help but ask.

He scanned my eyes, amusement and something else lingering there as he did. "Yes."

And then he kissed me.

It was a short distance, but it felt like we went far. And I hadn't even registered that I whimpered into his mouth until he returned it with a low groan that boiled my insides and absolutely melted me. I was helpless against him as he pressed himself further against me and used his hands to keep my back steady.

The whole time my mind was swimming with dizziness. It felt like my body was covered in butterflies from head to toe, particularly strong where his hands pressed into me and his cane rested firmly along the inside of my thigh.

I leaned forward when he pulled away, because I was afraid that he was saying goodbye. But one of his hands came up to my face and my eyes fluttered open, immediately taking notice of how messy his hair was now that I'd had my fingers in it.

I must have looked scared, because suddenly his eyes changed, and he removed his hands away from me altogether, putting distance in between us. "I—I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you without asking..."

The relief that rushed through my body must have gotten to my head, because I breathed out a demand I'd never have had the courage to get out before.

"Do it again."

One second I was staring at him, admittedly afraid that he'd regretted all of it, and the next I was seeing stars as he came forward and kissed me again. His hands cradled my face as he did so, coming on to me with gentle care while still maintaining that hunger that surprised and excited me.

I hadn't realized how much I missed his touch until he'd given it back to me, my body once again melting into him and allowing him to do whatever it is that pleased him.

Apparently that was lifting my leg off the ground and making me sit on the table.

My body went along with it easily, and I was glad for it because my brain was nothing but mush, unable to process fully how he'd decided that I was worth kissing. All I really knew was that I wanted him. Anything he wanted from me, I was willing to give. And that must have come across very clearly, because when he pulled away and spoke to me, I whimpered at his words.

"Y/N... You've been such a good girl, helping me with whatever I needed these past few months..." Meanwhile his hand danced along the hem of my skirt, the tiny brushes of his skin against mine sending me into a mess of shivers.

"I think it's about time I've thanked you for all your help, don't you think?"

The implications in his tone made me whine again, and I pressed my forehead into his, our noses brushing as I answered. "Please."

I was so taken by the way he groaned as his lips connected with mine once more that I almost didn't realize that his hand was now fully up my skirt, his fingers drawing gentle lines over my panties and practically making me melt again. His hungry kisses contradicted the softness he took to my clothed cunt, a fact that warmed me to my core and made me want him more than ever.

When he slipped the fabric aside and ran the pad of his finger through me, I whined hard against his mouth, something that must have excited him— He nipped at my bottom lip and took a deep breath.

"How long have you wanted this, Princess?"

If not for the kissing and the finger slowly sliding up through my arousal, the nickname would have done me in. By now I was an utter wreck, but I somehow still managed to answer, even through a little stammering. "F—Forever."

It was the best I could come up with.

He breathed a laugh as his finger circled my clit. "That's a long time..."

"Uh huh," was all I could manage in response. My body and my brain were too focused on the things his finger was doing to my body, involuntarily rolling my hips forward for more. I needed more.

Thankfully he picked up on my urgency and reciprocated with slipping his middle finger inside me, one knuckle, then two...

I cried out as my head lurched forward, connecting our mouths once again. My hands clutched around his neck and my fingers tugged at his hair to keep myself from falling, because the slow, searing pace at which he fingered me made me wonder how I'd still been able to breathe.

He added another finger soon enough, picking up the pace and rendering me practically useless in his embrace. Meanwhile I registered the sound of his own little whines, still deeper than mine but little enough to tip me off that he was enjoying this just as much as I was, and that alone helped get me further along in pleasure.

I pulled my mouth from his reluctantly, squeezing my eyes shut as I allowed my forehead to rest against his. "D—Doctor, I'm c... I'm so close."

"His honorific falling breathlessly from my mouth seemed to do something sinister to him, because his fingers sped up and his breathing got heavier.

"Yeah? You gonna come for me, Princess?"

My stomach tightened and I nodded as best as I could, relishing in the sounds coming from below us, wet and downright filthy.

"Go ahead...Be a good girl and come for me... You deserve it..."

Each little sentence was punctuated with a slightly faster pace, each one bringing me closer and closer until I squeaked into his mouth and shook violently around his fingers, my vision going white. My legs had been open wide since he'd started teasing under my skirt, but now they threatened to clamp shut from the intensity. But I wanted nothing more than to be good for him, to make this as easy as possible, so I held out and kept them open as wide as I could stand as my orgasm rocked through me.

Spencer whispered praises into my skin as his hand slowed and his mouth trailed down to my neck. And even though it was more than nice feeling him lick and bite over my skin, I felt rather sad when he removed his fingers from me.

That sadness didn't last long though, not when he pulled back and studied me for a moment, eyes lust-blown and purely ravenous before he brought his glistening fingers up to my mouth.

I didn't even have to think. I brought my tongue out and let him slip his fingers over it, closing my mouth around them and sighing as I sucked them clean. This only seemed to excite him more, his features displaying all sorts of desperation until he couldn't take it anymore.

He kissed me again, bringing both his hands to rest at my waist. And with his hands so low I wondered if maybe he'd take to ridding himself of his own pants, but it never happened. Rather, he pulled away after minutes of more kissing, and sighed quite sadly as his upper body pressed firmly into mine.

Something else pressed firmly against me as well—right along the inside of my thigh—and I gasped, mind running wild through all the possible outcomes of the night.

But Spencer only stood there, occasionally nudging his nose against mine while his hands gently kneaded my sides.

"D—Do you want to stop?" I asked softly, afraid he'd regret what we did.

He proved me wrong. "God, no... It's... It's just that I'm still not cleared enough for any... strenuous activity on my leg, and I don't..."

I didn't want to push him, obviously, but I thought I could make the mood a little lighter. "O—Oh, well on the bright side... I could stay your assistant for a while longer."

The laugh that rumbled in his throat made me smile, though from the way he stood there, I knew he wouldn't risk it.

"Um... Raincheck?" he whispered.

On the one hand, that meant he definitely wanted to see me again, and I was more than happy with that. But also, that meant our fun for the night was done...

Yet... Maybe not...

"Sure," I answered, pecking his lips once more. Then I brought my hand to his chest and slid it down until I reached his belt, and I leaned back to look him in the eye, a boldness I never imagined coming from me in a million years.

"But I can still help you..."

I watched the desperation and disappointment in his features slowly dissolve into a newfound hunger—and an amusement—that grew my confidence tenfold.

"Oh?" Spencer mused. "How do you suppose you can help me this time?"

He wanted me to say it. So, without second guessing myself anymore, I grazed my finger over his erection. "I'm very good with my mouth, Dr. Reid."

He grabbed me by the hand then, dragging me along to the chair I'd kicked back before and sat himself down, one of his hands still gripping the cane. Matched with the desire in his eyes and the swollenness of his lips and the tousled strands of his hair, the sight was truly something to behold. It was something that only ever existed in my dreams, nd now it was real.

Not wanting to waste any time, I sunk to my knees and nestled myself in between his legs. He reached out and caressed my cheek before lifting my chin with his middle finger.

"You like being my good little helper?" he drawled.

I tried to nod, but he clicked his tongue and held my chin in place. "Words, Princess."

"Yes. I—I'd do anything you asked. Anything you want, it's yours..."

He hummed then, removing his hand from my face and moving to undo his belt swiftly with only one hand. The action, the sound, everything... it was enough to make me wet again, and I subtly ground down onto the heel of my foot as I watched him pull himself free from the confines of his pants.

I didn't have time to marvel at him before I was drawn forward like a magnet, my hands crawling up his legs and my eyes batting up at him, ready and eager to please him however he wanted.

"Eager, are we?" he mused once more, gently stroking himself with his hand.

"Yes, Doctor," I breathed, inching closer and kissing the outside of his hand.

His movement stopped then, and it didn't take longer than a second for him to decide to let me work on my own.

"Then have at it, Princess..."

I started by kissing my way up the length of him, taking my time to gauge his reactions as I did so, occasionally darting my tongue out to taste him. Once I reached the tip, I sucked on it gently, using my tongue to swirl around it until I could taste the saltiness of his precum.

And then I started taking him slowly into my mouth, watching above me as Spencer's eyes started to shut, obviously debating whether or not to lay back and enjoy this or watch me intently.

Either way, I was more than happy to keep it up, finally getting him to the back of my throat. I flexed my tongue and held him there as long as I could, promptly gagging over him and blinking tears from my eyes as he let out a loudest sound I'd heard from him yet. His head flew back and his tongue quivered along his bottom lip as he cursed my name.

The act made me proud, so I retreated for air, sucked at his tip again for a few seconds, and then repeated it, taking him down my throat again and watching through teary eyes as he visibly swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Fuck, Y/N, you're so... Such a good fucking girl..."

The praise caused my insides to burn hot, and I ground down onto my heel again, lifting my mouth to start bobbing up and down.

His eyes opened then, and he looked down at me, using his hand to brush stray hair from my face and the other to grip onto his cane for dear life. I looked up at him the whole time, making sure to convey through not only my actions but also my eyes that I loved this. I thrived off of his praise, I enjoyed the feel of his dick gliding over my tongue and hitting the back of my throat, and I longed to feel him coat the inside of my mouth with his release.

I was so entirely into him in every capacity, it wasn't even funny.

I was so glad he could tell, a smile grazing his features as his hand gently gripped some of my hair. "So eager to please, Princess... And so fucking good at delivering..."

I whined onto his dick as he held me down, rendering me immobile. The only thing I could do was look up at him and choke, and of course, I was more than happy to do it. In turn, I was met with a deep groan and a tug of the hair.

"Hold it, hold it... Atta girl..."

My cunt throbbed at his words, and my throat continued to burn, tears falling down my face at ten-speed until finally, he let up and pulled me off of him.

I coughed a little and blinked away tears as I caught my breath, Spencer's fingers combing hair from my face as he smiled proudly.

He didn't even need to say anything then. I wanted to give him more. So I leaned down again and took him in my mouth, quickly making work of his tip while my hand came up and stroked the rest of him.

"Fuck, Princess, just like that... Make me come just like that..."

Rather than just continuing, I offered him a high whine and a wide gaze, hoping to exceed expectations.

I guess it worked, because he came right then, his dick pulsing over my tongue and in my hand as his warm release shot down my throat and over my tongue. I hummed around him, fluttering my eyes closed at the taste and the feeling, probably enjoying the fact that I'd done this to him more than I should have.

It was worth it to see the look on his face, though, after he'd given me all he had and I purposely spit some of it out onto the tip of his dick so I could lick it up and give him just a little more stimulation after the fact. His mouth hung open, eyes heavy and unwilling to leave me, even as I finished and sat back to wipe the tears and saliva from my face with a satisfied smile.

Though, the longer he looked at me, the more shy I became. Funny when I'd just had his dick down my throat, but I'd never been good with people staring at me for long periods of time.

"Was that... Was that okay?" I asked, suddenly worried I hadn't done something to his standards. "I know I don't do this a lot, so I'm sorry if it wasn't that g—"

"Y/N..."

I blinked up at him, still on my knees and unwilling to move. Not that I wanted to, but I couldn't even if I had.

"That was fucking perfect... I meant it, you're... so good."

I knew he was capable of better words, but after having the life sucked out of you, I could imagine 'better words' were hard to come by. Still, I laughed a little, playing with the hem of my skirt. "Good. I'm... glad I could help."

He smiled at me, readjusting his pants and then moving to help me off the ground.

"Hey, uh... Even when you go back to your regular job after I get better, I... I hope you know you're always welcome to come visit me if we're not busy."

The words warmed me in a different way, my heart swelling as well. "You... You mean that?"

Spencer nodded, grabbing my hand and dragging his thumb over my wrist. "Of course. I mean, you're more than just a good helper, you know. You're also kind, and smart, and cute..."

I laughed at his emphasis on cute, heat warming my face. "Ha-ha..."

"I really mean it, though," he said softly, removing his hand from mind and bringing it up to lift my chin, so I'd meet his eyes. They were swimming with sincerity, the epitome of warmth and comfort and kindness— the kind that always drew me to him in the first place. "And... If you'd want to maybe ditch the paperwork one day and grab a coffee or something, maybe—"

"Yes," I interrupted without thinking. My heartbeat picked up upon seeing the look in his eyes when I agreed, a mixture of amusement and relief. "Y—Yes, I'd love to."

"Good. Then it's a date?"

"Definitely."

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