#purely for my own selfish sanity

[jmdbjk]

In my purest delusions and unpopular opinions...a random list.

My delusions and opinions.

More for my own sanity: Jimin and Jungkook are safe and sound with trusted fellow soldiers surrounding them every day. They fulfill their daily activities and are feeling some level of accomplishment, satisfaction and pride through them. In my purest delusion, they are insulated from the negativity going on in the outside world due to their isolated location. They are only told what they need-to-know. Of course, they are up-to-the-minute informed about the things that are pertinent to their current duties but in my purest delusion, they are not aware of the vilest of vile things that have been going on. There is no need for them to be distracted by it at the moment.

Opinion: Hanteo Chart is corrupt and inaccurate because it is owned by Kakao which also owns SM Entertainment so that renders that chart meaningless. Regarding BTS or the members' winning any of these, the Fact Music Awards and VMAs are worthless because many of their awards are fan-voted and they use that for engagement. None of these awards have any impact on BTS's or the members' success. These days, they only serve the fans' egos. Though of course, for other groups who are not BTS, any award is important.

Opinion: Most people do not thoroughly process and comprehend what they read online. A lot of what the fandom believes is from the power of suggestion. Even I am influenced by this phenomenon. If I am very acutely interested and invested I will devour every detail of a situation, but as soon as my interest wanes, that energy dissipates and I just take what I read in headlines as the status of the situation (the power of suggestion) and it may or may not be 100% accurate.

Opinion: Social media posts that are not complete thoughts or sentences that are grammatically incorrect due to author error or lack of language/writing skills are easily misunderstood and have the ability to spread misinformation and misunderstanding which can be difficult and sometimes impossible to undo. Such is the nature of social media. Its the doom of humankind as we know it.

In my purest of delusions, when Jimin and Jungkook are discharged, they will move into that black metal fortress that Jungkook built. It is a huge structure with 5 floors and a beautifully landscaped outdoor area. Jungkook being a not very social person, there is no reason to have such a large house. His best friend/partner/lifelong significant other, will move in with him. They will live there peacefully behind those tall secure walls. Jungkook will exploit his newly acquired cooking skills to his heart's content in his wildly expensive and fully equipped kitchen. Bam will have the run of the house and a doggie door so he can go in and out whenever he wants.

Opinion: We must stop saying "we were cheated out of this," "we were deprived of seeing this between them," "they edited it, why didn't they show us all of it!" "when will they say this or tell us that?" It is not our right to claim ownership of things that are not ours. It is not ours to decide if we see things between Jimin and Jungkook. Those things belong to them. To claim we are being cheated is pure selfishness. Am I guilty of saying this? Yes. And its not right. I will do better. They show us A LOT. A LOT, A LOT already.

In my wildest and purest virgin delusion: Filming for Are You Sure? season 4 (Jungkook said Sapporo was season 3 so that's my reference point) will commence at some point after their military discharge, perhaps shortly after, over a long weekend in the U.S. in the Rocky Mountains somewhere where they can see snow of the likes they've never seen before, snowboard on slopes they can't imagine exist. Season 5 will be scheduled for Budapest where the group will be headed to film the comeback MV. Season 6 will be them exploring Busan during Christmas. And on and on. We have 12 seasons coming.

AND FURTHERMORE... this isn't delusional at all, its pure fact:

Who owns Weverse? Hybe. Whatever fees other artists pay to be on Weverse to host their activities there or Weverse shop to sell merch and albums... Weverse makes money, BTS members make money.

Among the many groups paying these fees to be on Weverse and Weverse Shop: EXO, Blackpink, PLAVE, NCT (all iterations), aespa, SHINee, NewJeans, Enhypen, Seventeen. Weverse makes money, BTS makes money. The latter three groups are active artists on Hybe's subsidiary labels. If those labels make a profit from their artists work, guess who else makes money? BTS members.

People who are still engaging in fandom pissing wars on X with other kpop fandoms... stop lowering yourselves to their level. Time to get out of the mud. Look up at the stratosphere instead because that's where our men exist. Reflect on that instead of engaging in nonsensical fan war fighting.

Get yo ass outta trunk.

I don't know what else Namjoon can say to you guys for you to get your head out of your asses and get with the program. We are moving in different circles here, you either keep up or stay behind.

LASTLY, a legit question. At what point in a man's life, in a Korean man's life, in a Korean male idol's life... is it NOT ok to snuggle or cuddle with their male friend? Or even their biological brother? When is it crossing the line and no longer considered acceptable behavior? When do Koreans believe it is time to stop that sort of behavior? When men are in the 20s? 30s? 50s? Is there such a point? Or do Korean idols get a pass because of what they do for a living? Because I don't see other Korean men of any age doing what Jimin and Jungkook do. Ever. Just sayin.

[lnsfawwi]

Can we talk about Chris' understanding of Steve and how much Steve being selfish means in CACW?

in an interview, Chris says Steve won't think things like 'ah another day to save the world' because that kind of thought is 'self-involved' and it 'requires a certain type of egotistical approach to his own awareness.' He also says Steve thinks the way he does partly because that's just who he is and also to keep his 'sanity.'

I don't always agree with Chris' interpretation of Steve but his acting choice is informed by his version of Steve and in this regard, considering how much Chris emphasized the selfishness of Steve's actions in CACW, it's a huge fucking deal.

By Chris' words, Steve's thoughts don't start with 'I'. It's not 'I'm going to do XXX' or 'I have this responsibility', certainly not 'I feel like doing YYY.' They start with objectives: 'Coffee. Gym. Beat bad guys.' To some extend I think it's almost mechanical. (no wonder he's never happy)

But in CACW it's not 'save Bucky', it's not 'for the greater good', it's 'I choose Bucky' (Chris famously said that Steve was fighting for Bucky not the Accords). It's a choice made out of emotions, it's personal.

So when Chris said Steve was selfish in CACW I don't think he meant that Steve was being, well, selfish, but rather he was for the first time acting out of personal desires. (still not true but you do you Chris)

Perhaps Chris thought Steve went to Azzano to save Bucky and the rest of the soldiers and crushed the plane for the greater good and burned SHIELDRA to the ground purely because that was the right thing to do, but even with all that, Steve in CACW just stopped giving a fuck about anything else. The world can burn I just want my Bucky back.

It's also interesting that Chris said Steve thought and acted that way for his sanity. This connects to the idea that Steve is just a giant black hole of repressed feelings and emotions, he knows that if he isn't careful those feelings - his dark side - will come out and cause serious damage as it did in CACW. Again, by Chris' interpretation, Steve making a personal choice is a huge fucking deal: Steve was losing control of his rationality and the cause? Bucky.

Is it a coincidence that Steve's dark side, his feelings and emotions are always connected to Bucky? Stucky was in the fucking narrative.

[tenaciousduckpoetry]

You Don't Deserve Me.

Miguel O'Hara x reader

Warnings: angst, I'm not the biggest fan of Miguel so I'm making this to spite him. This is short. Gender neutral.

"Everything I did was to protect you!"

Those words were etched into your brain. How dare he tell you that. He hasn't thought of you since your wedding night.

Every day you heard the same excuse for why Miguel wasn't at home. Lyla would send a message, 'Sorry, Miguel won't be coming home tonight, work is keeping him late.' Every single day! It was pathetic and you knew it. You stuck around because, 'love conquers all', right? Fucking wrong.

Today you had finally had enough. You had bottled so much anger that all you could do now was boil. Your face grew red, cheeks hot in pure rage. You could hear your own blood rushing through your body in tidal waves, adrenaline causing your heart to thud against your chest. Your stomach felt like it had flipped inside out.

"For me? Oh, Miguel. You have done nothing for me!" The words slipped out faster than your mind could think. "You have been a selfish, piece of shit since the moment I met you. It just only took me two years to fucking notice." Your feet moved forward and before you realised your finger was hitting his chest with every word that slipped past your swollen lips.

Angry tears poured down your cheeks. "I have waited. I have been patient! I have let you dump your sob story on me. I did everything to make sure that you weren't going fucking crazy! I sacrificed my own fucking sanity for you! God, how I wish I had of ran away the day that I married you."

Your words hit him like knives in the pit of his stomach. His mouth ran dry. It was the first time you had ever seen him entirely speechless. Usually he had an excuse, but you supposed he had used them up in the two years you were married.

"Nothing to say, yeah? Guess you wasted all your excuses. You don't deserve me, Miguel O'Hara."

That was the last night you saw Miguel O'Hara and you were happy about it.

[roobylavender]

a random thought but i really am very obsessed with how deeply committed bruce is to his love of people and to the extent that it’s a regular divide between him and talia. not that she is without love, no, hardly so, but love will never come before principle for her in the sense that the principle does stem from love, but from a selfless love, not a selfish one. and i use these two descriptors purely as a means of analyzing perspective, so selfless and selfish not necessarily as moral indicators as they are often used today but merely as expressions of whether you’re acting for the sake of others or for yourself. talia is someone repeatedly acting at expense to herself for the sake of others. she gives her child away, she ends her marriage, she doesn’t say a word about it again for years despite having the chance, she takes on a high level espionage mission without speaking a word to her ex-lover, maybe to protect herself, maybe to protect him. whether those were worthwhile decisions to take is certainly debatable, but she acts near strictly from a perspective of caring about others and the world first. bruce is comparatively a very selfish person. every victim an extension of his own trauma, every grief taken to heart, every desperation for companionship so heavily internalized that he ends up pushing people away bc at some point he can’t bear to take them down under with him in his sorrow. it’s funny that he tries to be the rational voice in a room bc up to a point he is, but he also cares too much about his own personal affairs to be that way consistently

and in light of all of that i am thinking about the conversations he and talia must have in that alternate universe where damian is normal and newly revealed to both of them as a concrete concept in their lives, for bruce as the son he never had and for talia as the son she gave away, come back to them by way of fate. why did you never tell me you didn’t actually miscarry. why did you never tell me you had a son and you gave him away. why did you pretend like it was over when it never was. why did you look me repeatedly in the eyes over the years like there wasn’t something more that was there. when you said you couldn’t talk about it before i boarded a plane back home i held my tongue. when you let yourself be beaten within an inch of your life bc your city was falling to pieces i held my tongue. when my father took the contingency plans you made and used them to turn your friends against you i held my tongue. when i worked for a man who would for all intents and purposes use the knowledge of my relationship with you against you i held my tongue

how can bruce, a person so wrapped up in his love for people, not understand the number of sacrifices that talia has had to make for his own sake. her repeated protection of him, of his sanity, of his sanctity, is simultaneously her greatest crime and her greatest benevolence to him. she carried that grief of loss for years and years bc of how important bruce is to her. and bruce loves her, loves damian, too much to even begin to understand what love means outside of the parameters of his own feelings for them. that is his dilemma writ large wrt people he loves. that he can’t see the extent of what they do for him, bc he loves them too much and doesn’t know how to get out of the sheer grief and possessiveness of it

[nephilimeq]

Scott Was Never the Hero

Incoming Rant: Re-watching the first season of TW I have realised why I never felt that Scott was The Hero of the story even if the writers did not stop hammering the idea that he was pure and perfect and always right. He never sacrifices himself. This is a classic of fiction, the hero will always be the one who makes the greatest sacrifices for the common good and for those they love, renouncing happiness, normality and even their own life.

But Scott never does that. Even in the first season this is very clear. The first few episodes emphasise that playing lacrosse and dating Allison are things he wants, but are dangerous to himself and those around him. The narratively logical thing would be that, after a period of selfish refusal, he would realise that the right thing to do is to give up what he loves until he has better control of himself and his new powers, sacrificing his temporary happiness for the good of others.

Instead, the narrative rewards Scott with control gained through Deux Ex Machina and not hard work, he gets to date Allison and becomes a Lacrosse star without sacrifices and therefore doesn't grow or evolve at all. This keeps up for all 6 seasons. Meanwhile, everyone else around him is constantly sacrificing their safety, sanity and even life for the common good.

And ten years later in the movie nothing has changed. Scott’s still not the one performing the sacrifice, he's still not the hero yet. He gives nothing, but the narrative rewards him with true love. Meanwhile Derek gives his own life to save those he loves he is The Hero.

My reply to all of this?

Pretty much everyone else in Teen Wolf has been a hero in the show, and it has never been Scott.

We have so many other characters sacrifice and give up so much of themselves to Scott’s crusade, and to his illusion of power as a proverbial “True Alpha” (I throw up in the back of my throat just writing it), and we never see any of it acknowledged by anybody, let alone Scott.

As I have rewatched the series, it is glaringly obvious that Stiles is the true main character of the show. He is the one who pushes the narrative the most, he is the one who digs for the information when no one else will. He drove the entire narrative of finding out the truth about Derek’s past, about Malia’s past, about Kira’s past, and even about Theo (god, I hate his character, too).

Scott's actions throughout the years are completely performative and nearly always in his own self-interest. He coerces, guilts, and emotionally manipulates his "friends" throughout the show all in some perverse power play.

Derek, on the other hand, risks his life over and over again for not only his pack, but for Scott, too. Derek was willing to die for his pack, whereas Scott couldn’t even be inconvenienced by them getting kidnapped, assuming that they were already dead and not even wanting to go after them. Derek not only put his life on the line for his pack time and time again, but he also chose each one of them and gave them the option to say no to the bite. He made it appealing, yes...but he still gave them a choice. Scott never did.

Scott has never been the hero.

Ever.

[dandysystem]

🎹: Hmm. I am quite intrigued by this whole ordeal. I ponder whether or not this partnership will work out for everyone or if this is simply a temporary companionship driven by a deep and profound desperation. Does love ever last? Or do human instincts drive us to be completely and utterly selfish? Chemicals do not last forever. Eventually, like an old well in an impoverished country, it dries up completely. Will this happen to the host and the others? That remains to be seen, I suppose. I am not completely like my source, but I do wonder if love truly exists. Is it born out of our wiring? Is it driven by our base human instinct? Is it purely selfish? Or is there a deeper, spiritual reasoning for why we fall in love, even at the cost of our own sanity? I do not know. For now, I suppose I'll just try to indulge in whatever the brain desires. It's easier this way.

[tsckcyomi-archived]

Yotsuyu is so important as an antipode to an archaic trope of a ‘pure virginal girl’ common in Asian media, thirsted for and revered by misogynist men, and presented as an ideal to strive for, to young girls.

While women like Yotsuyu would be commonly pitted against the aforementioned ‘pure’ women, and presented as ‘tainted’ and often as villainous seductresses for the hero to rebuff or kill to find his ‘true’ love, she is a woman who has found her agency and weaponised the role she’s been thrust into by her society.

There is no reason for her to care about Doma, because Doma never cared about her. To them, she was marred as soon as she stopped being that ideal of a pure and virginal girl, just as it happened to countless women raised in such societies, in real life. As an afab person from a similar background, she was incredibly liberating to observe and there was that ugly fantasy of a revenge that was fulfilled in her, that many have dreamed of.

Unfortunately, her end was predictable, as there is no place for women like her, in stories dominated by men who will be forgiven no matter what, because their goals were benevolent, or because their beliefs were strong, or because men like them think their intentions justify the means. While, she is seen as selfish and unworthy of redemption, because her pain is hers, and it remains unheard and unimportant, to those deciding the fates of the counties and of entire planets.

It feels hurtful and unfair, when you’ve felt that pain yourself. But, there she is and there her story is, and it’s still cathartic in a way. She isn’t going to appear to us in a flowing white gown descending from the heavens, and won’t smile wistfully to encourage us to carry on, in our dreams, existing as a ghost to continue validating us on our journey. And that’s part of what makes her great.

So, thank you for loving her and writing her, sincerely.

honestly there isn't much I can add to what you've already said because you hit the nail on the head… Yotsuyu is a reflection of the ugliness beneath all the beauty of her culture, a culture which has its counterparts irl that are idolized by media and people that benefit from these structures. She's beautiful, and she's been taught that that's where her worth lies. She's a pawn in the lives of the men in her life but in the end she turns it all on its head and uses her lowly position and her hatred to elevate herself into a position of power over the people that didn't care for her suffering.

I also know that there are a lot of FFXIV players who wish that Yotsuyu had stayed amnesiac and lived a peaceful life with Gosetsu, but I'm honestly very very glad that they didn't go that route. It'd be much too convenient to erase that ugly, cruel part of her and instead have her run around as an oblivious character that's closer to that caricature of a subservient, pure girl. Erasing her suffering would have made her story pointless and taught no one anything ( NOT THAT HER STORY TAUGHT DOMA ANYTHING ANYWAY AS SHOWN IN THE EW JOB QUEST THX SQUARE for my own sanity this isn't my canon Doma ).

But yes... Yotsuyu's story is dear to my heart. It's tragic, it's ugly and it's real and that's what makes it worth telling. And I'm really happy that there are people out there like you that also love her and I really appreciate this message…. ilu......

[licncourt]

top 5 moments of louis characterization

or

top 5 pieces of vc fanon

Honestly, I'm at the point where I hardly know what's canon and what's fanon because AR lore is so wild, so I'm taking option one for my own sanity.

The lead-up to Paul's death! What we find out about mortal Loui really encapsulates the clash between the moral pillar Louis aspires to be (and believes himself to be in some cases, whether he'd admit it or not) and the reality of his selfishness. He's a spoiled brat who has the privilege to sit around and contemplate his adherence to Aristotelian Christian morals while his lifestyle is made possible by pure exploitation. It tells you everything you need to know about Louis and how his moral compass, how it's all theory and no practice. That carries over directly to vampirism in so many fascinating ways.

THE PRIEST SCENE. I think that's really the first time we see what Louis is capable of when he loses it entirely. Feeding on Claudia was a lapse in control, but the priest scene was a concentrated descent into madness, like a microcosm of his issues around desire and control and guilt. He goes from a quiet, pious young man to a bloodthirsty monster over the course of a few paragraphs. It's so chilling and so revealing, Louis as he wants to be and then Louis at his worst (which is also what he thinks he really is). Truly masterful and one of my favorite scenes from VC as a whole.

His stupid little Aesthetics monologue. Literally what the fuck is this Lewis. What a fuckhead.

"But why…you’ve said Lestat shouldn’t have made you start with people. Did you mean…do you mean for you it was an aesthetic choice, not a moral one?"

"Had you asked me then, I would have told you it was aesthetic, that I wished to understand death in stages. That the death of an animal yielded such pleasure and experience to me that I had only begun to understand it, and wished to save the experience of human death for my mature understanding. But it was moral. Because all aesthetic decisions are moral, really."

"I don’t understand,” said the boy. “I thought aesthetic decisions could be completely immoral. What about the cliché of the artist who leaves his wife and children so he can paint? Or Nero playing the harp while Rome burned?”

"Both were moral decisions. Both served a higher good, in the mind of the artist. The conflict lies between the morals of the artist and the morals of society, not between aesthetics and morality. But often this isn’t understood; and here comes the waste, the tragedy. An artist, stealing paints from a store, for example, imagines himself to have made an inevitable but immoral decision, and then he sees himself as fallen from grace; what follows is despair and petty irresponsibility, as if morality were a great glass world which can be utterly shattered by one act. But this was not my great concern then. I did not know these things then. I believed I killed animals for aesthetic reasons only, and I hedged against the great moral question of whether or not by my very nature I was damned."

4. The flower picking and stargazing and singing!! It's an adorable passage, but it also encapsulates what makes Louis so endearing. No matter what happens, he never loses his reverence for the wonder of being alive, the inherent optimism and love that keeps him going through everything and the unexpected whimsy that makes you so aware of why he winds hearts like he does. It's so little but so much. I talk a lot of shit about Louis, but God. He's a cutie pie. Baby.

5. The Prince Lestat epilogue, my beloved. It may be the bare minimum from Anne, but my little guy is HAPPY. He is forgiving himself and finding peace and it makes his arc feel worth it. I'm SO glad AR let him have this after so much suffering. It's so lovely and so needed.

+ Honorable mention to him standing in the rain and watching Romeo and Juliet (1996) through the storefront window. It serves functionally the same purpose as no. 4, but it is so.

[cosmicangel888]

NEW Realities ~ Healing the Soul & The New You

When you are surrounded by those that will do all to take, hide, have you hidden, agendas' to hide you, agendas to take and scheme, simply see all as their wounding of profound lack of self, and move on.

You can live your best life without the chaos and mess of what wounding and behaving in wounding creates.

All know what you are owed, on all levels, and when you are refused, denied, of your own business, incomes, monies, inheritance, and you see, you experience the depths, lengths of what people will do for money, you would not ever want to be entangled in that energy -

Source, Creator will work behind the scenes to ensure that all will be brought - know your story, know your truth and move on; what is just, should never have to cost you your peace, life, light, and sanity;

Let those stuck in lack fight for whatever they feel is important - their soul lessons, karma will be equal and whatever Source brings as their karma will be; all will be balanced - never fight or tear your life upside down for the shady, degrading games of selfishly unwise and unhealed; you cannot force anyone to heal, to do what is just, and to care about how their actions have harmed you so; you cannot force anyone to 'get' or 'care' about your pain, or suffering.

Those that choose to fight for what is not theirs, continue to take, scheme, scam to further and degrade someone; God, the Heavens, even higher realm coven leaders are now involved; trust in God, Source, justice will be equally sweet ~ nobility, honesty, care, divine-hood within is to each to choose and when you are choosing to stuck in darkness and lack of self, the only way out is through truth, and clearing karma of how, why you got there -

The universe will always return equally what you believe and know, and act on and the intention is everything - that is why some are protected by the Heavens or not; what intention, connection, threading you work with, and or not; selfish living will lead to equally returned drama, chaos, destruction and all souls have their pace at learning and growing through greed, envy, jealousy, self pity, lack of self.

I called judgement years ago on my own situation and all involved continued with their 'mission to hide me' from the world so that they could use, abuse, slide my content, video's, sessions, through doppelgänger actions, trying to veil me out of my own life;

I choose a higher peaceful life; and when you know you are being used, abused, and those continually with intentions and malice to stop you from being you, stop you from leaving toxic situations, and harassment, criminal acts on spiritual and human rights; block them all for your own peace and move on -

CHANGING REALITY --> MOVE ON ACTION of SPIRIT & REALITY

choose with pure intention to move on - physically mentally spiritually emotionally and know the healing will have to be done on each facet of you - daily self love and self care is how, why

Choose with intention to have your guides, your soul, God, and your celestials, aliens, the higher vibrational techniques to help you cut all cords, of all involved, all that tried to bind, suffocate you in black magic, and spells, and mental manipulation, spiritual war-fare; these are daily activities and call in the highest celestial teams that support your type of DNA, body, mind; not all are the same

Visualization, Affirmation, and your own knowingness; in such is the inner knowing, and see, manifest new ideas, and spell work for yourself to create anew; spell cast new love of life, excitement of gardens, new seeds, new people of equal energy; when you do spell work, do not do it on anyone simply spell cast of 'divinely aligned people with loving capacity' - source and spirit will bring those and that which is aligned vibrationally - ascension is vibrational on all levels;

Believe it or not dear ones, with all that you are - God, Source, your celestial teams - you are able to create portals to new realities - the Sasquatch, the Big Foot beings use this all time and I have many pictures of beings using such to peak in and be with us on our awakening - this is how you become a magician in reality

Remember - any portal you think you may create - your vibration and intention is what you manifest; all in our multi-verse is vibration - be discerning and always work with God, your own higher self and if you are not aligned with your highest self; then expect the same and equal chaos and no control of where who, how you navigate - psychosis

Daily self loving care, working out emotional issues as they arise, and give yourself loving care, compassion, forgiveness - keep moving on - release release release - move on out, away

Reclaim Your Essence, Energy - None have even an ounce of authority over you - you owe none and leave anyone that behaves in such; Take your energy and consciousness out of all toxic situations by reclaiming your light, energy, threads - sever all ties - do so daily until you are healed from the wounds caused - heal through forgiveness and move on -

You are the ONLY ONE that has your energy and consciousness - none hold it unless you give permissions - reclaim your energy and life force; heal the wounds

Why usually when you leave, as the Sun nourishes all life, life will become unravelled, and dark, destruction - nothing will flourish without light - so be the one that shines, radiates, for you - you cannot force anyone to heal

Close the doors to all past - physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally - visualize and see, feel your reality shifted - know you have shifted already - - reroute yourself when old energies try to pierce into your aura - energy - send all energies back and send them away - do not allow past abusive people to return; all have to heal their lives without you; -

Give others the grace of self love and self empowerment to know how to heal and fix their own choices; ones path to seek God is the most honoured act and why the #1 rule, law is Free will - Free Will and the Right Use of IT -

Ascension is clearing the choices and level of beliefs and consciousness each sit within and only can be done within - never wait, never sacrifice for anyone that did not do even an ounce to you for you -

Offer higher knowing and encouragement - all can sort out their life and heal it - People only want you when you walk away and refuse to be a part of deceitful games of thievery -

Energy Harvesters, Vampires, those that are not consciously doing the work; some that are not healed; will do anything and propose anything for you to not continue on your path and not heal - grow and they will say it, offer it to make it sounds like it is what you need and should do - reverting to old roles and controlling you energy and life to go no where -

Discern manipulation and truth, as you navigate through life and being more aware of energy, intention, vibration and motive - always be led by your highest self, never surrender to another's story for you - you write your self defining story and character and path - period. - you and GOD Ⓒ 

Seek solace and beauty for your highest well-being - All healing is possible but all have to choose it for themselves - and move on hen they create the mess, they must clear it; it is not your responsibility to take on their karma and their spells to dump on you, switch destinies will simply not be a 'thing' to those that have no idea about the universal working - and what vibration they hold; all is vibrational - you cannot have a destiny you are not the vibration of

Your Oneness with God is everything

Release yourself from feeling the guilt, shame, blame that many abusive situations suffocate you with - reclaim your power, your knowing, and begin anew; mental, emotional, spiritual abuse is usually degrading your sense of self, making you feel guilty at every stage you choose to walk away and do what is right for you and your children, -

Never stay in darkenss - your children need your light and to see you make new ways to liberation - positive action speaks volumes over 'false mouth talk' - show by example - vibration is everything

My work over the past 16 years becoming meaningless and the devotion of all excitement and purity of intent through which I did and offered everything - those that have no higher self alignment, do everything with malice, fraud, and degrading to all involved for they cannot offer Source, God, when they are not aligned within - the chakra's blocked and closed due to lack of self, no self love, no self knowing, and therefore the essence that is SOURCE cannot be offered; no healing will be done, and no guidance, and no truth to the community that such false prophets portend they are, and are doing.

None have to choose you - none have to bring you justice, and none have to pay you what was stolen, and what was taken, what was manipulated on behalf of your name - the state that someone has to be in to do such, and go through such depths of planning, plotting, is in of itself, a very sad state of affairs and all will be the lesson for each other - for all see who, how, and what they have done to get what is simply not theirs.

Healing cannot be done until all choose ~ and it requires the heart.

The facade that most put on about who they are is false.

Love is the seed of all life. Seed anew;

RELEASE AFFIRMATION

Release what was; every day, intend to release the first wound and memory and situation - intend, 'I release this wound and send love to my body, mind, spirit, soul - I choose love and I choose new life and I choose new universes - I deserve a loving tribe and loving abundance to constantly flow into and of my health, life, home, tribe'

Affirm - 'I release the past, the past is closed, I heal it all through my self love.'

Most are not healed or consciously aware of who they are, and how to move through life without ego driving them into the ground and destruction; for our outer superficial world is not something anyone should attain - the connection of the soul, soul aspects, spirit, and the connection with all species and speaking with such; is what is truly fulfilling, because you live in love with all life -

LOVE is the only fulfillment - Love is health, Love is abundance, how can resources flow when all involved are so caught up in worry, stress and trying to stay 5 steps ahead of their last lie and move of deception - thus as we said, darkness will self implode. There is no light in such and cycle in itself and thus implode;

Love is the only mover, the only initiator of growth; spirit is only quickener; love will be your only fulfilling peace, health,, honouring, mental stability, and spiritually rich at heart, mind, soul; all of which can only be done through the commitment to inner work.

Choose liberation - that is ascension - anything that siphons, drains, continues in cycles of destruction, deceit, damage - my goodness that is enough to show you - you are in the wrong environment; Stress, adds to so much mental health issues, and it takes profound self love to choose a loving space, with loving and kind people that would support and empower you - not steal and scheme from you.

When you awaken to the depths of harm someone, some have caused, criminal and fraudulent - such energies will never be where growth resides,; evolution is everything - and all is connected and nothing is worth such sacrifice -

All get to choose;

I did a wonderful ceremony of release last night after years and years of clawing myself out of hell; with an entire contrived worlds of lies, deceit, to hide me; and the mission of their intent was to steal, take, keep me confused, and in poverty, and hidden away so they could take the credit, the money, and create a world that is simply not theirs; and whatever was done, so much more that spirit would not show me simply due to the pain, further suffering it would have caused; I know the laws of creation and the balance, and receiving to me is the blessing and expansion, infinite opening I have and will always have with Source, God, and the infinite beings that contact me for work;

My word contracts do not just come from earthlings; most of my work is for the galactic, and inter-galactic beings; for I hold profound knowledge, wisdoms, on the ground and offer such of the psyche, the way in which we navigate and the psychology, philosophy and how accurate of the divine threading for all programs of evolution that conduits play in the overall ascension programs and evolution of humanity - all plays such a pivotal part and this role I play within creation means multitudes more than any earthly offer, rank, and playing of immature games of what some 'think' they are stealing and 'getting one over on me' ~

I am always offered ten-fold within these communities - I am offered 24.7 protection of the Most High, that is utterly unseen and seen, and clear navigation to all I desire and all magic to joyfully uplift my heart and soul of any trauma's.

I am offered the highest vibrational healing that cannot be received here on earth and I receive the wisdoms to offer forth - I am offered infinite play to how to expand my life, soul, spirit; and know this allows me to constantly expand in my intelligence, wisdoms, skills, gifts and this is the realm and worlds that nature me.

I prefer this than the manipulation and deceit, and games that are played on competition and world of narcism to play in - which so many sit within and nothing will change unless you just leave. So keep leaving the situations, people, environments, that are damaging you and wait for none to make anything right; some simply never will.

Call judgement and move on. RELEASE THE old, stagnant, and never ever remain in toxic and karmic cycles; step up, step off, get off, and see what God, Source, will offer; done is done, and know that when you close the door as I did, new ones open, and send all well.

What is done is done. Never go back to what does not, has chosen not to heal, not to grow, not to live in truth; you will be warped, darkened, and sickened.

Ascension now is; all are being shown, off the fence or sit in what will simply be as good as it gets;

Ascension Is positive actions; get off the fence, move or be moved.

Source ain't fooling around and nor are the leaders in 5D that many are connected with - cycles of the multi-verse do not stop for those that continue to harm, hurt, and degrade you in spiritual deviousness.

Your own peace, health, and honour and know the Heavens will always nourish you - you will receive ten-fold with your own skills, gifts, and the loving experiences you will manifest in being in a higher vibration and meeting higher vibrational people - let them think, and believe they have taken from you and stolen your gifts or consciousness, or hidden you from reality and others -

God always has a plan and it is working now now now - walk away and call judgment - you deserve a better and higher life.

YOU ARE NOT the fixer of what you did not break, and what you did nothing but bring light love peace to; there will be the same level of consciousness to do the same level of unhealed actions behaviour - the consciousness is everyting - seek new environments that will grow equally - seed a new garden with new energy -

None deserve to sit in the situations in which you are constantly derailed and railroaded to deceit and more games of never receiving - the karma of greed, gluttony, envy, competition - you know where that goes and health will show itself to all - allow it, that is how some need to learn their souls lessons; nothing escapes Creation - it is a vibrational mechanism - make your life healthy and know how you are always given is not what 3D thinks as success; while you step on to make new worlds on your gifts, wisdoms, they will be sitting counting the money that was never theirs, and such money will find its way to siphon out because it was ill-gotten.

Release - be a FREE AGENT and see how great you feel;

CEREMONY OF RELEASE

for when you create something in unknowing, you create a world of confusion, deceit shadiness, and what do you think the result in wealth, health, relationships will be?

Releasing the entirety of the harm, loss, destruction, and how much the years of such harmful corrupt play had on me, is something that will continue to take

ALL INTENTIONS IS YOUR REALITY -

WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO NOT GO WITHIN, HEAL, TRANSFORM YOUR OWN CHOICES, KARMA, YOU WILL HAVE EQUAL REALITY.

THAT SIMPLY IS UNIVERSAL LAWS AND TRUST IN SOURCE, CREATOR'S TO PROVIDE YOU WHAT WAS Equally of pure intent.

The universe operates in vibration - period.

Your vibration is what and how you receive ~ honouring the laws will provide equal honour; equal match.

All is vibration - love, forgive, have compassion for you -

Blessings and light

Joanna

JoannaCosmicAngel@yahoo.com

~ DONATIONS - see our PayPal link here; paypal.me/JoannaLRoss

SELF LOVE is everything -

Take your life into your own hands -

You are worthy of happiness and heathy people - CREATION WILL SUPPORT SELF LOVE and positive self loving action - a way will be made - so pave it, carve it, and know you are the love you seek.

Release yourself from warped nefarious abuse - abuse is abuse;

Show others a new way and send all compassion - leave and be moved for your own well being.

#ascension #enlightenment #awakening #God #Source #healingabuse #healingtrauma #healingcorruption #healingfamilydysfunction #ascensionbooks #ascensiontools #healinghumanity

[sistazai]

“To love well is the task in all meaningful relationships, not just romantic bonds.” bell hooks . . As we enter the festive season, I’m reflecting a lot on how to love, for purely selfish reasons … for the sake of my own sanity 😂 and emotional hygiene. . . As part of this, I include a daily reverence practice, a habit I’m intentionally creating to set the vibe and tone for my fourties. . . What does it look like? Well, I’ve been writing and doodling in my journal about all the things that re/ignite and re/generate a sense of love, joy and magic in my life. I email excerpts from my journal to folks who have consented to receive my thoughtfully curated paid offering, “Love Letters To Life.” My “Love Letters To Life” mailing list is currently full. I keep the list small so I can engage in meaningful email pal correspondence with individual Love Letters To Life readers. You know … practicing reverence in communication. Bringing back a bit of old school to our online connection. That said, if consent to receive “Love Letters To Life” today, you’ll be the first to know when a spot opens up for new devoted Love Letters To Life readers. (Generally - because admin is like 70% of micro business life and I need to write more than admin - doors will only open again for new devoted Love Letter readers in March of every year. Real talk 🤣🙏🏾). Until doors open in March 2023, I’ll email a monthly and free Love Note (not a letter … just a cute little note) to everyone chilling on the waitlist for my paid offering. . . If you’d like to opt-in for these two offerings, “Love Notes To Life” and “Love Letters To Life”, please consent to receive “Love Letters To Life” from the link in my bio @sistazai or linktr.ee/sistazai Then simply check your email on every full moon for a $Free.99 Love Note To Life, includes a mixtape/playlist because music 🥰 . . Create a beautiful day, my Loves 🖤 https://www.instagram.com/p/ClVaPcth1tL/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[azlrse]

Hey I got an idea for the dark cacao series....except possibly like an alternate path thing or maybe can be added to the story...

What if....the reader did finally start falling for dark cacao back or Stockholm syndrome finally starts creeping its way into the reader's mind, like after so long of fighting it off mentally that their mind has grown weak and the syndrome starts pushing slowly? And dark cacao notices them slowly getting Stockholm....like yes they still speak with venom but it's a softer venom...he can tell they are finally starting to give way to the syndrome....or skip to maybe one day where they finally snap...the syndrome finally takes hold and reader is just crying and apologizing for hurting dark cacao so much...

Sorry if the ideas sound stupid....just curious what would happen if their resolve starts breaking or finally breaks....and remember you wrote that they resisted the syndrome and wondered what would happen if the syndrome finally became stronger...or if they did get it heh...

One's Deadly Fate (Yandere Dark Cacao Cookie x GN Cookie!Reader)

CW: yandere themes, stockholm syndrome, reader was filled with guilt, angst mixed with fluff.

A/N: I'm so sorry if this was really bad and quite short 😭😭

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

How stubborn you were....

Belittling yourself in front of your mirror as more years had passed after your forced marriage to the king himself. How you've become so weak and pathetic into succumbing to the deadly fate that awaited you at the end of the line.

You realized that you've started to fall for King Dark Cacao Cookie, the very same cookie who fell madly in love with you.

And yet, you still treated him with so much cruelty and anger. How you spoke ill towards him even if he treated you with so much kindness and love, how you refused his acts of appreciation and giving into his antics or learning a lesson as more punishments were given to you.

Oh how you felt guilty towards your despicable actions to your so-called husband. You felt extremely bad to the point that you started to question your own sanity.

Is this the fate that awaits you?

Are you destined to rule the Dark Cacao Kingdom with the king by your side?

Is your freedom far more important than the cookie who shown you so much love and adoration?

And to be honest, you weren't so sure anymore. You cried every night in secrecy as confusion started to roam around your thoughts. You didn't want Dark Cacao to be worried for you, for your prideful image was far more important than your weak self.

And Dark Cacao Cookie notices the changes. How you've become far more softer and caring compared to your vicious and cruel sona in the past. You've started to compliment him in a soft and gentle voice and you didn't hesitate to voice out your concerns everytime he puts on his armour and leads his armed warriors outside of the Citadel's walls.

"Just...just be careful, Dark Cacao. Make sure to come back here in one piece. Do you understand?" You spoke in a soft yet there was still traces some venom in your voice as you look away from his stone cold gaze. His face contorted from the usual reserved expression to the soft and warm expression only his spouse can see. Dark Cacao caresses your face, placing a soft kiss on your head.

This action causes you to jump a bit but began to sigh, not from annoyance but in pure bliss. Dark Cacao notices this usual behavior of yours but decided to shrug it off. "I will, my love. Take care of yourself here, yeah?" You only nodded in response, placing your head directly into his chest as a way to say your 'yes' towards him.

At first, the king doesn't accept the fact that you've become well behaved around him, submissive even. He refused to believe that what he saw was just a mere illusion. He tried so many tests to see if your behavior was just an act for you to escape, to try and fool him in order for you to fulfill your selfish need for freedom but no. You just passed all those test that were being set up either by his warriors or by him without even knowing.

The last straw for him to beloved that you were finally his is when you wholeheartedly apologized for the cruelty and harsh words he just witnessed during the duration of your time being confined inside of the Citadel. Your guilt towards became so bad that you shed off a tear from your face and apologized towards him.

As he heard those words from you, Dark Cacao Cookie was overcome with joy and happiness. As if he knew that this day had finally come and all of his efforts for you to love him had actually had an impact towards you.

You've finally accepted your once deadly fate, not only as his spouse but also his queen/king, ruling together in the Kingdom your husband founded and established for many years. You also celebrated every anniversary the both of you missed out and gave him the same affection he once given you during the first few months of your marriage with him.

Kisses, hugs and acts of services. You even had the courage to call him some endearments that your old self refused to say it. Before, you always refer the king by his name but now that you accepted your fate, you called him heartfelt nicknames that could melt his heart.

Dark Cacao Cookie appreciated those kinds of love languages from you and hence, he decided to give back your freedom. Taking long walks outside of the Citadel's walls as you ran and skip through the cold snow on the ground. "My husband look!" You exclaimed as you shook his cape excitedly. "It's a bird! A snowy owl, darling! You know how rare these birds were, I never seen such beauty within those birds!" Your husband saw the spark within your eyes. A huge smile appeared on your face, staring at the graceful bird above the tree where it stood.

He lets out a small laugh, placing an arm around your shoulder. Despite the thick clothing you put on as you stepped outside, his warm touches never fails to make you happy and contented. You felt safe around him, protected even. You now see Dark Cacao Cookie as your husband and loved him with all your heart.

"I see, beloved but your beauty is far more elegant than that owl. Your smile is like one of the best jewels I've kept within my heart." You smiled from his affectionate words. Without hesitation, you pulled him closer and placed a kiss on his lips. This surprised the king but nonetheless melted from your touch as he returns the kiss for you. The last time the two of your kissed is in your wedding, which you felt disgusted at first and he felt kinda sad upon realized that the kiss was just for show.

But now, he finally felt the warmth of your love within the kiss you gave him. Wrapping your arms on his neck as he places both of his hands on your waist. Some of his warriors let out a small 'awe' as they witnessed their two rulers sharing a passionate kiss in the middle of the snowy woods. There were no predators, no danger nor evil was lurking around the corner. Just the two of you giving each other the first loving kiss you both deserved.

As the snow began to fall down, the cold breezy wind and many of it's particles are stuck within your clothes, Dark Cacao Cookie finally felt the love he lacks within his life. With you in his arms while laying down on the snow covered path, you finally said those words that you considered as curses and can bring misery within your life;

"I love you Dark Cacao, I'll love you till we both take our last breathe and finally turned into crumbs."

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

Do not republish, edit, or repost to other websites.

Reblogs and likes are appreciated! 💕

[thepictureofsdr]

okay. so. um. hi everyone. how are we all doing. i’m currently on public transport trying not to die from lack kf breathing. how is everyone else?

so. I HAVE SK MUCH TO SAY OH MYGFFFOOFNFNFNF

okay so firstly: this is like. 60% confirmation that we get a truce between matthew and alastair. which is just. oh my god. this says so much for both sides. firstly, it’s acceptance from the one major roadblock alastair had from moving forward. but arguably more important is what this means for matthew.

firstly it’s an acceptance of his own guilt. alastair has BEEN his scapegoat for years, been the thing he projects onto and deflects his own emotions with. because realistically as we all know matthews hatred has a flimsy foundation at best if it’s just the rumour. alastair is the one matthew places all his guilt and denial onto, so if matthew is accepting the importance of alastairs role in everyone’s life that means he’s taking back his responsibilities and his role in the death and his guilt and he’s moving forward

but whats sticking out to me the most is how we get to see the side effects of him letting go of this displacement of guilt. matthew latched onto this “rivalry” for his own sanity, and made himself believe this was the only way to protect and move forward. but he also dragged everyone else into this delusion with him. he’s managed to make christopher pretend to hate alastair, made james cling onto this for his own sake when we have canon evidence that james doesn’t particularly care about his past with alastair as much as anyone believes, and ripped away one of the only healthy relationships thomas had.

not only did alastair probably play a part in thomas’s sanity during the time of his sisters death but he was also just a plain good friend. we know this “rivalry” is an extension of matthews desperation but it’s also an extension of pure selfishness. matthew dropped the news of the rumour when thomas was intoxicated at the engagement party, probably happy for the first time since barbara’s death. matthew had no regard for thomas’s emotions or needs, no care that thomas had a friend who was helping. it didn’t matter that this was the one happy night thomas had, it mattered more that matthews point of view and feelings be recognized and enforced, no one else’s. it was matthews selfishness that caused that cruel of a confrontation.

but now we have matthew not only letting go of his own grasp of this rivalry but we have him letting go of his grip on his friends. he’s not so attached to this farce that he’s removing everyone from even thinking positively about alastair, no he’s telling alastair to go to thomas.

it’s a clear relinquishing of selfish want, because no matter the distaste he has towards alastair, hes acknowledging that his own feelings don’t run the world. that despite what he wants, it’s not what thomas needs, and for maybe the first time in this series, matthews wants will come second to his friends priorities, and MY GOD is that a sign of change. our boy is healing, slowly but surely, just as slowly but surely alastair is moving into this friend group.

in addition, we also have an acknowledgment of thomas and alastair’s relationship from matthew who’s #1 for most likely to be in denial about it, so thomastair nation rise we’re getting our boys back

now don’t even get me started on thomas “needing” alastair what the fuck happened thats so bad that MATTHEW is acknowledging thomastair ?!?

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Broken trust, pt.6/finale

Part one // Part two // Part three // Part four // Part five 

Summary: Inside the fold, Y/N and the Darkling face off.

Warnings: angst, fluff sprinkled on top, indicating smut

========================

When she was a child, Y/N feared the darkness. Every night she would lay awake with a candle by her side, too scared to close her eyes. She feared the unspoken horrors that occurred under the cloak of darkness, of one day finding herself in peril as well. The fold fueled such fears, especially when the boys in the orphanage would speak of the Volcra. She had heard the descriptions, the vile appearances and inhuman deeds they’re capable of. They haunted her when she closed her eyes, wondering if that’s what killed her parents.

Y/N still fears the dark, just of a different kind.

She fears the darkness that resides in humans, the kind that’s lurking under the surface yet remains invisible to the naked eye. At any point, the darkness could surface and once it does, it would swallow anyone who stands in its way. Perhaps that’s where her trust issues stem from, the corruption of human hearts. People are wicked, using everything, even love, for their selfish desires.

In truth, she should have seen it before.

Aleksander Morozova should have been a clear danger for her heart right from the moment they met in that dark tent where she wondered how anyone could be comfortable in such an environment. A powerful, handsome man with a silver tongue and a weakness for her had seduced her by simply paying attention. He looked at her like no man ever before – like she was the only one for him, a source of eternal sunshine.

She shouldn’t have allowed herself to be deceived.

A woman with trust issues and a fear of darkness fell in love with a man who was darkness incarnated. He embodied all she dreaded and yet she couldn’t see beyond the mask of perfection he always kept in place. A part of her wondered if he ever showed who he truly is in those intimate moments they shared.

Throwing his head back, Aleksander laughed. His chest rose with a sharp intake of breath before it quaked with a new laugh erupting from deep inside.

“It’s not funny!” She pouted, trying to glare at him as if the sound of his laughter didn’t make her feel like she’s in a dream.

“You know I adore that pout”, Aleksander smirks, pinning her against the wall.

Breathless, her lips part just in time for Aleksander’s to take advantage. He gave a low, throaty chuckle once her knees turned to jelly and she collapsed against the strength of his arm behind her back. He bent, put his other arm beneath her knees. His mouth never leaves hers as he carries her to the bed. He abandoned her lips only to press them on her neck and she couldn’t believe how easily he swayed her.

Before long she could bear no more kissing. She ached all over and she pulled his hair to better meet his mouth. She fastened on his lips hungrily, greedily, ready to feel him inside her, around her, to completely numb her senses.

“Aren’t we eager today”, he teased her as he slowed down, determined to drawl out every moment he had with her.

“I can either be angry with you for laughing at me”, she trails off, her eyes flickering to his lips. “Or you can make me forget about the poor Grisha I flashed in your map room.”

Growling, he inhales sharply, “As amusing as it was to see you both scream, I prefer when you scream for me when we are alone.”

Rolling her eyes, she huffs, “I wanted to be spontaneous! How was I supposed to know someone else would be in the room?”

He picked up a lock of her hair from across her neck and held it up, letting the dim light of the fireplace play though the strands. He held it to his nose, then to his lips.

For the first time he could ever remember, he was completely content.

“What do you want us to do?” Ivan asks, finding the change in his general terrifying. He could see the Darkling is enraged, losing control and a Grisha powerful as he is could be lethal in such circumstances.

“You’ll do nothing”, Aleksander snapped as he mounted his horse. “I will go after her.”

He looks to his loyal Grisha with narrow eyes, aware he’ll return undoubtedly changed by whatever transpires inside the fold. Whether he returns with his Sun Summoner in hand or with her body in his arms, the Darkling would be different.

During his time with Y/N, Aleksander relied on her for happiness he long forgot about. He held onto her for as if she was all he had and she still abandoned him. They all do so once they see how far he’s ready to go in order to protect those he loves – his people….and her. He would have done anything for her.

This is his kingdom, but she’s not his queen anymore.

“We shall await for further instructions at the camp.”

Nodding, Aleksander turns away from them with a dark look on his face. For the first time since he created the fold, he will step inside and he didn’t know who would emerge victorious. If he dies, he won’t be around to care, but if she does? He was sure he will never be whole again.

He kissed the corner of her mouth boldly, waiting for a sign of resistance. Her hands pushed weakly against his shoulders but even at his slight touch, her eyes closed in surrender. 

Seeing her so, Aleksander smirked before he kissed her cheek, her ear lobe. Then, as she gasped for breath, his mouth came down on hers. His tongue sweetly touched the tip of hers and she drew back, startled. He smiled at her as if he understood how strange such affection is to her.

“Someone will see us”, she whines.

Shrugging, Aleksander’s smile grows wider, “Let them see.”

“Don’t you have a reputation of a hardass to preserve?” Her lips press into a thin line as her eyebrows rise, tantalizing him.

His eyes are nearly black as he pulls her to him again. He ran his tongue along her lips, touching the inner corners especially. She parted her teeth for him, desperate for a taste of him. He was better than the richest honey; hot and cold, soft and firm. She explored his mouth as he had explored hers, no longer shy or reserved with him.

Parting in desperate need of a proper breath, he looks at her rosy, swollen lips with complete resignation.

“My reputation means nothing to me when you’re with me. You are what I want my reputation to be.”

Panting, Y/N felt like her lungs would explode. She had been running from the edge of the fold, deep into the darkness she once feared. She ran because she wasn’t sure if Aleksander was furious enough to disregard his own safety by following her inside.

Lips quivering, she pulls out the flask Mal packed for her. Taking a sip, she frowns at the watered down taste of alcohol. She made it clear she wanted nothing but water, yet Mal disregarded her wish. Shaking her head, she smiles anyway. If Mal was with her, she’d thank him for the liquid courage. She’d have agreed to a bottle of whiskey now, lost in the dark.

Swept away in her thoughts, she gasps at the growling in the distance. Her heart nearly stops as a dark, looming shadow passes above her. She whips around as the growls come from behind her as well.

She passed sixteen markers, but she hoped to get to the eighteenth. She planned to get as close to the middle as humanly possible, but wasn’t this just it? If she kept going, nothing could guarantee her safety and she was deep enough inside the fold to at least try. 

Every night she laid awake in the past year was spent with her strengthening her light, her control. 

This was it – she could do it. 

She had to do it.

Releasing a shaky breath, Y/N folds her hands before her. Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath as she parts her hands at the palms.

“I wouldn’t do that”, a painfully familiar voice sounds and her eyes open wide.

“Or you’ll kill me?” She laughs, unable to stop herself. It’s a laugh made from pure anxiety and hurt, one that made her feel like she’s mad. Her habit of laughing when she feels like she’s got nothing left to lose came rarely; the first time it happened was when she learned her parents have succumbed to the very fold she’s in now. She reckoned this would be the last time.

“I don’t want to but, if you do not submit to me –“, Aleksander starts, coming closer slowly as if she was a doe and he the hunter. Every sudden move could frighten her and he didn’t want to face what happens in that case.

“Kill me if you must but I will not submit to you, or any man who wears his crimes like crown jewels!”

Raising her voice had drawn the Volcra, the growling growing louder.

"Is it so wrong for me to want to save you?" Sniffling, Y/N swallows thickly. She couldn’t cry anymore, there were no tears left to cry. She’s dry, inside out. “Things could have been different, you know? You didn't have to fall so far.”

Lifting his chin, Aleksander took a step further in her direction. Catching the slightest shake of her head, he pauses, arms raised in mock surrender.

“You made me love you”, he speaks through gritted teeth, “To depend on you.” He clenches his jaw, his patience wearing thin. “Now you’re trying to take the last piece of my sanity with you.”

“You don’t have to do this”, she tries meekly, “We can still be magnificent. Be the man I fell in love with, please.”

“And then what? We’re supposed to play house while they’re killing our people?!” Aleksander spat, barely holding himself back. “They wouldn’t stop until they kill you right before me and any children we might have!”

Eyebrows knitted together, Y/N’s mouth opens at the words spoken. There was a moment when Y/N realized she’d misinterpreted her darling Darkling’s actions, his words, his expressions from the moment they met… as if he’d been speaking a language she couldn’t understand… that moment was the moment her heart broke…She could hardly speak in her shock when she learned he had lied to her, but this shockingly defining moment was much different than that first moment.

“Children”, she breathes out as a smile forms on her lips, one he found confusing.

All this time, Aleksander had been using the fold as a way to protect his people and yet, he failed to realize it is exactly what they need to destroy.

“We don’t need the fold”, her smile widens, “You are the fold, my darling Darkling and I am your Sun.” Her lips quiver, her entire body trembles and she still comes closer to him without fear. “With the two of us, we can create and destroy this fold anywhere in the world and today is our chance to demonstrate our power to all those who’d dare to defy us!”

Lips parting, he shakes his head. “What are you saying”, he sneers, still angry at her for defying him.

“I’m saying it doesn’t have to be one way or the other”, she chuckles in disbelief, “We can both destroy the fold and win this war. Every war.”

The growling is near, close enough for the hair to stand on the back of Y/N’s neck.

“Don’t”, he orders as her hands touch, “Don’t you dare!”

Shakily lifting her head, Y/N smiles, "I love you".

Before he has time to comprehend the weight of her words, his world was set aflame by a blinding light exploding all around him.

She screamed out as a bright light emerged from her entire being, enveloping her like a lover’s embrace. It is the kind of brightness that enchants the eyes to open all the wider as it warms the skin.

She never felt the warmth like this, not even when Aleksander’s lips gave her breath or when his arms gave her a reason to believe in him. This warmth is different, like the sun had incorporated itself into her soul and is finally shining through.

She looks to her hands, opening the fists that glow an ethereal light force she never experienced. Her light is like sunlight, it comes as woven strands, free and united, and flowing as it reveals and solidifies, making the world of nightmares around them into something so beautiful. 

Her eyes meet Aleksander’s dazed gaze, her smile wide but his lips are set in a firm line. 

She could feel her soul ripping as she pushed the light further from them, toward the edges. The pressure in her head grew, erasing the smile from her lips. Her legs barely kept her standing as she stumbles. She could feel a wet liquid running from her nose to her lips, the metallic taste making her eyes widen.

“You’ll kill yourself if you keep this up!” Aleksander shouts, trying to make her see sense but she shakes her head.

“I have to do this! For us!”

He could see a vein pulsating across her forehead, the blood gushing from her nose and it slowly became clear to him – he might not have been able to kill her, but seeing her like this convinced him he doesn’t have to. She’ll do it all on her own.

Reaching for her, his hands wrap around her wrists firmly. “I love you too”, he rests his forehead on hers, amplifying her power. He could feel her smile for a split second before she closed her eyes.

Gasping for air, she felt her insides burning and before she could stop herself, Y/N’s bloodcurdling scream echoed in the fold, effectively stopping his heart in fright.

As her scream dies down, Y/N goes limp in Aleksander’s arms.

Her light disappears, another one taking its place as he lowers to his knees, holding her close to him. Looking up, he almost cries as the blue skies above shine a light on his face. 

“You did it”, he croaks, shaking her slightly. “Solntse? Solnechnyy svet?!”

Unmoving, Y/N laid in his embrace as if she had simply fallen asleep, but Aleksander knew she was hanging by a thread.

“Lyubov’?” His voice breaks the self-imposed sternness, his fingers clutching the fabric of her kefta…He didn’t even realize she kept it. 

She must have put it on inside the fold, he realized.

Now, in the light of day, he finally saw the black kefta he ordered to be made for her – black with golden traces of the light she brought in his life. It was fitting she’d be given powers of light for she was the embodiment of lightning, illuminating stormy skies he couldn’t navigate through. Not on his own.

“Wake up”, he whispers. “I need you”, the raspiness of his voice and the cracks are enough testimony for the break inside his chest.

“I can’t survive without you”, he bowed his head down, a choked sob escaping him.

“I love you.” Aleksander whispered into her chest, breaking down when she didn’t say it back. Y/N always chose to say ‘I love you’ instead of goodbye, explaining goodbye was the last thing she ever wanted to tell him and he understood now. He never wanted to tell her goodbye, but maybe that’s necessary too. Maybe life is about learning a better way to say goodbye, learn to let go of the ones you love with nothing but love.

“Aleks”, she tries but the words are stuck in the back of her throat as her need to breathe becomes direr.

“Saints!” He presses his lips as he looks up at her, just as breathless as he was the day when he first saw her. “What can I do? Tell me how can I help you?!”

“All this time I’ve blamed you”, her hand rests upon his cheek, “For pulling me into the dark”, she pauses, “But I was wrong.” Wetting her lips, she manages a small smile, “It was me who brought out your dark side.”

She averts her gaze, hating the vulnerability in her voice as he takes her hand in his, inspecting the ring he gifted her with a crooked smile.

“None of it matters now”, he rests his forehead on hers, “I love you with all I am and I never want to feel like this again.”

“Look at me.” He’s not asking, rather demanding and she can feel the subtle difference just as she can feel his warm hand wrap around hers.

“Gladly”, she chuckles as he helps her sit. None of her hate for him remained. Love…hate, it was always a fine line to walk on and she finally settled on a side – his side.

Saying I love you is the bravest thing he has ever done in his life, for it took every ounce of strength and courage to openly expose his feelings to the love of his life, to put his heart on the line time and time again after all the times she walked away. He knew he didn’t deserve her as she’s always been too good for him, but he swore he’d spend the rest of his life building himself up to be the kind of man she’d be proud of.

“I love you”, he kisses the palm of her hand, giving her enough time to say it back.

“And I love you. I promise you, we will be unstoppable. Together, hand in hand, nothing will dare stand in our way.”

As soul meets soul in a lover’s kiss, the two embrace in the midst of a desert made of ruin they would find a way to rebuild. Their story is far from over, but this time around, they’ll write it together – as equal parts of a whole.

 Tags: @blackbirddaredevil23 @subjecta13-thefangirl @aquamariene-me​ @savannah-elliott @auggie2000 @daybleedsintonightfa11 

[alexiethymia]

A Case Study on Vanitas’ Character: On Vanitas’ Two Conditions

Since they’re animating the What is Love? episode next (episode 7), I couldn’t help but want to talk about that chapter. [spoilers for anime-only watchers!]

Vanitas has two conditions for Jeanne: 

1) She mustn’t drink blood from anyone else but him.

I admit that like Jeanne, it’s easy for me to fall into the trap of thinking Vanitas is a better guy than he is because of certain biases. Let’s admit it, this part was plain blackmail, and yet for some reason, with what we know of Vanitas now, there are also different ways of seeing this scene. 

Vanitas is ‘blackmailing’ Jeanne, but at the same time that blackmail is actually him also offering a solution to Jeanne’s problem. AND YET, HE DOES IT IN SUCH A WAY SO THAT JEANNE NEVER HAS TO FEEL LIKE SHE OWES HIM. More to the point, he does it in such a way to ensure that Jeanne continues hating him. In other words he, in his own twisted way, is doing a nice thing for Jeanne, while ensuring that she never likes him for it. Now I’m not saying it’s a purely altruistic thing, but I still think that Vanitas is drawn to Jeanne because she reminds him of himself back then. If so he knows precisely how to get her to receive help albeit through manipulative means. 

It’s not a purely altruistic thing. He states it so himself, what he gets out of it is the ‘divine feeling’ Jeanne sucking his blood gives to him again purposefully painting himself as a pervert so that Jeanne wouldn’t like him for helping her. But if we are to believe some theories that it’s not actually as enjoyable as he himself paints it out to be (I digress, but I think he’s being honest here. He strikes me as having a bit of a masochistic streak in him) (I digress from my digression, but theory time, what’s his bases of comparison?? Who besides Luna and Jeanne have drunk from him??), then there’s another dimension to his condition of ‘you must drink blood, only from me’. If he’s just in this for the feeling it gives him, then why word the condition that way? He’s never stricken me as possessive of Jeanne despite his words of ‘I want to possess all of you’, and as he’s stated, he doesn’t want Jeanne to love him back. I think this is just another case of his ‘use me’ mindset rearing its head again. He’s said it to Count Orlock, and we know that it started since his time with Dr. Moreau. It is definitely, definitely, unhealthy, and I believe it’s also coupled with his slight suicidal tendencies. If worst comes to worst and Jeanne ends up going out of control and killing him, he seems not to care. 

Going off tangent here, but another one of his contradictions is how ruthless he is at surviving and yet how careless he is with his life, especially when it comes to people caring for him. He’d rather be left in the snow than have Jeanne take care of him as repayment for him protecting her, or when he got angry at Noe for protecting him from Ruthven.

But at his core and as Luna stated, Vanitas is a kind child. It’s developed in an unhealthy way, but he’s quite self-sacrificial. It’s fine for Jeanne to use him so that Jeanne has a focus or outlet. At least when the craving for blood gets to be too much, Jeanne knows there’s someone she can drink from, which helps her so that she doesn’t lose control and lash out against Luca for example. And on Vanitas’ side, it seems like it’s fine for him to be put at risk so other people don’t have to be, and on Jeanne’s part too, it also helps her from further hating herself if she ends up hurting other people. 

In other words, his condition is both a selfish and selfless one, yet he paints it to be blackmail. It’s not an entirely good thing for him to do, because there’s definitely power play involved, but it’s also not as scummy as it is initially presented out to be with what we now know of his past. 

2) For Jeanne to call him by ‘name’. 

There are so many things going on here that I just can’t help but ramble about it. Firstly, I’m really interested in how this’ll be translated in the anime. Did Vanitas say call me by ‘Vanitas’, or call me by ‘my name’? Because if it’s the latter, then couldn’t Vanitas also mean (although not fully consciously) that he wants someone to call him by his true name like Luna did before he inherited the name ‘Vanitas’? (And I will just die if in a future chapter, Jeanne and Noe do end up getting to call him by his original name).  

Second, there are slight parallels and contrasts with this arrangement he has with Jeanne and with the one he had back then with Moreau. Obviously Moreau is trash and took full advantage of ‘No. 69′. He exercised all the power. In this case, Jeanne is hesitant about hurting Vanitas despite how aggravating he is towards her. She doesn’t want to drink his blood at all. Moreau was a human. Jeanne is a vampire, and despite physically being superior towards Vanitas she changes her demand into a plea or request for Vanitas to keep her secret. (And whelp that’s when she sealed her fate, because she apparently triggered Vanitas. Don’t worry though Jeanne, you’ll get your payback soon enough). Vanitas was completely without power before, so faced with a similar situation this time around, I think part of him let the power get to his head, causing him to partly take advantage of Jeanne (he’s a complete sadist AND a masochist). He has complete agency this time around. Sure he’s once again offering himself with the expectation of pain and at the risk of his life, and he’s also doing this for another person, like with Misha, but unlike with Dr. Moreau, the power is on his side this time around. 

Going off tangent, that’s one thing that Vanitas and Jeanne have to work on. Balancing power and agency. I get where Vanitas is coming from, surrounded by vampires as he is, and with his past too, but he has to realize that caring about and loving someone isn’t a matter of power. You don’t lose when you love and care. You don’t surrender power. You don’t have to take away someone’s agency or exercise your own power for you to manage to do good things for the people you care about. He has to manage that balance - likewise with Jeanne, Noe, and Domi as well. 

Going back. Since he has full agency in this case, it’s his decision to offer himself to Jeanne in this way, he doesn’t want to be dehumanized while doing so. He’s had enough trauma about that already. Despite how he words it, it’s actually a somewhat equivalent exchange between Vanitas and Jeanne. He offers her blood as a way for her to keep her sanity, but she can’t be removed from it, she has to look at him properly and consider him a person with full agency and choices, and not just as ‘that human’. 

And looking at their faces - Jeanne’s is an incredulous one as if to say, ‘that’s it?’ It’s both an easy and difficult thing for her to do. Meanwhile, for Vanitas, I’d expected him to look goading, but he just looks patient and soft. At least in this instance, I don’t see it as him forcing Jeanne to do something she doesn’t want to do - just an unexpected moment of wanting to be known and treated as himself. 

LISTEN HE IS FULL OF CONTRADICTIONS OK. We’re led to believe that all of his interactions with Jeanne until the moment he realized he fell in love with her was just him teasing her, but I believe he was already in the process of falling in love with her slowly. I’ll go so far as to say that he was the one who fell in love first, but he just interpreted it as his being ‘excited’ by her. In other words, the words he said (’I love you’) which we thought was a lie was actually the truth, albeit a truth he didn’t realize much later. 

Why do I think so? It’s because he revealed certain moments of vulnerability or sincerity with her or about her without any of the teasing, as represented by the italicized dialogue. It’s the same case for when he said he didn’t want to trod on her foot with Noe, or when he happily grinned and he said forthright Jeanne was the side of her he liked best (or when he promised he’d kill her). 

This is just an example of his contradiction. He never wanted or expected Jeanne to fall in love with him, and sure this could just be his wanting to push boundaries or test limits, being the chaotic person that he is, and yet, wanting to be called by name is a desire to form a genuine connection. 

He could have just remained as ‘that human’ to Jeanne while interacting with her. After all, what could stop him? He also had the first condition in place to make sure they’d continue to interact. And yet, he refused (like how Noe refuses to be ‘that vampire’ to him). 

Like Luna said, as long as he didn’t close his heart, he wouldn’t be alone. Even if Vanitas thinks it burdensome or wants to be ‘free’, it seems that he still does long for connection - romantic, platonic, or otherwise. 

And this is why I ship them, even in this instance so early on in the manga when arguably the dynamic wasn’t at its healthiest. It’s because of their background that draws them to each other and allows them an understanding of one another. It’s because of that desire to know more about each other. It’s because of that genuine care and wanting to form a connection with each other, despite part of them rejecting it because of their issues.

Do I think they’re good for each other? Yes. Admittedly, they have so much to work on, but I believe that they push (Vanitas with regards to Jeanne’s blood addiction, and Jeanne with Vanitas in his moment of vulnerability) because the both of them tend to be self-destructive if left to their own devices. It’s just that their version of care for each other is aggressive. They’ll have to find that balance though eventually. On Vanitas’ part he also has to be inspired by Noe that the kind of salvation a person wants may not be the best possible outcome, especially for those left behind. I’m not sure what Mochizuki sensei’s end message is suppose to be, but death I don’t believe is salvation.   

tldr: Vanitas is a self-sacrificial idiot who longs for connections under layers of self-loathing (but he’s still an asshole), and VaniJeanne is a good ship which had the foundations laid down from the beginning. 

[livingalifeofasimp]

Heyhey! I don’t know if I already requested this, and if I did I’m sorry I forgot. But I was wondering if you could write a yandere childe x reader where the reader has been abused. So when he kidnapps her the darling is kinda willing since she feels safe with him? What would childe do to her abuser? Thank you for your time :>

♚ Yandere Childe x Reader ♚

Thank you for your patience ❤️

Disclaimer : This content contains Yandere themes, if you are sensitive please refrain yourself from reading it. It's purely for entertainment purpose, arts are not mine credit to their respective owners.

❤️Childe interest sparkled in you probably when he saw you being nice and kind to everyone, how you made everyone happy. Always willing to give your helping hand to anyone who needs it, like the way you smile at people and try to make them feel comfortable. Childe wondered can someone actually be this good? Either way he wanted to talked to you. "I see a pretty lady here, wanna fight I can't seems to find anyone here and you don't have any company", you were surprised when a strange guy suddenly appeared and challenge you. Without wasting anytime you ran away feeling overwhelmed leaving Childe shocked "I just wanted to talk".

❤️As you were walking home after being tired from work wanting nothing more than to jump on your comfortable bed, you saw the same guy leaning against the wall, his eyes wandering around  in the ocean of people ,not wanting to get caughted by him you slowly turned your head and started walking away. After covering safe distance, you inverted your eyes to where the previous stranger was standing but he wasn't there, good grief then suddenly you felt someone behind you whispering in your ears "I bet you are looking for me", flinching you turned around scared, seeing you so afraid of him, Childe quickly apologized "Oh forgive me I shouldn't have appeared like this", "Ah no it's alright", as polite as ever Childe thought smiling. "How about a drink? my treat", and waited for your permission to hold your hands.

❤️"Oi your are late", Childe flicked your forehead, holding your head you answered breathing unevenly "I am so sorry, I just got so busy, I won't be late next time", you nervously laughed as Childe got annoyed with all those people who take advantage of your kindness. He pated your head and walked towards the table since you both decided to have dinner together tonight. You passed a dish towards Childe "Ain't you spoiling me", "No way I know that's your favorite", showing you his infamous smile he holded your hand with his two "I don't even know what I will do without", your laugh and Childe's favorite moment was ended by a guy who intruped in between.

❤️"Hey Y/N what are you doing here? you promised me to help with my work", as you tried to recall you heard Childe growling. "How about you do your own work, you got your own hands right? Or should I cut them off" something in Childe's voice warned the guy to not bother you again if he don't want to die. "Childe why did you do that?" You stood up to ran after him only to be pulled back by Childe. "Why are you going behind him? Why are you so good to people even though they do bad to you, I don't like him I know I shouldn't ask you such but I just don't want you to get hurt and that guy he is so fishy". Sighing you sat down again, maybe you need some free time "Alright", his smile changed the dark aura from surrounding to brighter ones. Not caring about the world and pressure to impress people feels good at least with Childe you can be how you really are he never judges you, even tho he can be jerk sometimes.

❤️While collecting some flowers Childe thought about you oh how happy would you be to see the flowers he is gonna bring to you. Near your house he saw a different guy flirting with you. Even if it was just a normal talk Childe was afraid that they would try to take you away since you are so good, caring and comforting people with your presence. Of course everyone will try to take you away but they will never know how to take care of you like he does. You are so pretty and caring such an angel that one of kind a girl who is perfect for him. Childe's last string to sanity was cut off when he saw them making you laugh, his jealousy and possessiveness clouding his decision. You are his, he only wants to be the only you love, imagining you with someone else burns his heart making him want to to go insane, the obsession and love he have for you made him take you away from the selfish world he is confident he can take care of you and your interests.

❤️You woke up finding yourself into a room that is decorated with all the expensive items whatever it is, this isn't your room panic rised in you chest as you jumped down the bed knocking on the door with all your force. On hearing the noise Childe unlocked the room, he realized that you calmed down after seeing his face, fluttered his heart "Child you are here, did I passed out anyways thank you so much for helping me", you said passing through him when you felt yourself being lifted up by strong arms and gently putting you in bed.

❤️"Y/N stay here", "Childe I appreciate this but I need to go I think I am good now", he pinned your hands on bed. "You are going to stay here and that's what I have decided", Childe said with his low voice binding your wrist to the chain attached to the bed post. You clearly were confused is this some kind of prank, he is capable of doing that. Your watched his movement, stroking your cheeks "How happy I am, you don't know", everything about him felt sick and foreign something is definitely wrong. "Re-remove this chain, why isn't it coming out? You said stuttering trying to remove chains."Childe its wrong don't do this".

❤️After rejecting Childe for almost a week you realized that he gives you all the love and affection one desires. He provided you with everything that you needed making you feel protected and happy, you were allowed to roam inside resident that he owned sometimes Childe does get paranoid but finds you in garden admiring the flowers. It was everything Childe ever wanted, he was the best he could ever ask for in his life, when he realized his darling loves him back and returns his hugs and kisses it's makes him smile like a happy toddler. He opened the doors of your room only to find you crying frustratedly did you had a nightmare? He rushed towards your curled up form, to comfort you and to protect you from them. He asked you what could possibly make you feel like this?

❤️ Instead you cried even more seeing you in this form made him really sad. Childe hugged you, letting you crying on his shoulder while his hands ran through your hair. He pated your back softly making you feel calm and forced you into telling him everything. Childe's face turned pale how can someone hurt you this bad? Marks on you skin he failed to realize it was given by your abuser? How could someone-? They are wishing for death ain't they and now it's going to be granted. His gorgeous s/o was hurt by them, they are going to taste cruelty, he wondered if he should skin them alive or kill them slowly. Childe's attention shifted on you, you were crying he wiped your tears "I am always here for you no one can harm you or else they will not go unharmed you will always be protected my love", he kissed your forehead slowly tugging you back in bed. You holded his hands close to your face and he hummed you a soft song filling you with positive yet comforting affirmations. 

❤️It took Childe no time to find those jerks who hurt his s/o due to his connection and a sweet tongue someone will die a brutal death tonight, after wiping their disgusting blood off his face. Childe smiled now his darling can sleep peacefully, she must be waiting for him. He felt happy truly.

[shadyteacup]

Hi! Im the one req 7 for chuuya sorry i didint specified, i just realized it. Can i get angst prompt 7 for chuuya?

Hiya! This pained me to write, so I made it fluffy at the end... sorry if u were looking for pure angst! I can't go to sleep peacefully peacefully after writing angst, I need to clutch my soft toys and cry myself to sleep..

Warnings: Angst to fluff, maybe a swear word at the end.. dw, it's just "bish", but like the actual word.

Word count: 2006 😳yes, I got carried away

Nakahara Chuuya + “Please wake up”

Forewarning

“Don’t move, Chu.”

You grumbled against his chest. It was yet another lazy morning for the two of you. Lazy mornings consisted of waking up late, cuddling on the bed till lunch time, getting dressed and having dinner at some exotic place, going for a long drive, then coming back home. It was a perfect day for a traditional lazy day, except for the fact it was a weekday.

Chuuya sighed. He had to get to work, and so did you. You both couldn’t afford to miss any workdays, considering that you both worked for the same organization, one that didn’t hesitate to punish for untimely work. Chuuya was an executive, and so were you. You both had multiple solo missions planned out for today and one mission wherein you both had to team up. It was going to be quite a busy day, and Chuuya wanted nothing more than to just get it all over with. He was looking forward to some lazy cuddles in the evening, after both of your jobs were done.

“We have to get dressed, dove.”

He tried reasoning with you. You were a workaholic, just like him. It surprised him to see this lazy side of you. But then again, you must be tired, he thought.

“I know. But let’s bunk today!”

You looked up at him with wide eyes, hoping to convince him.

Chuckling, he pet your head affectionately.

“The mafia isn’t some school that you could just bunk. Besides, don’t you love working?”

You frowned at that. You were feeling weird today. It’s like something was forewarning you. But about what?

“I just have a bad feeling about today. I don’t know why, but I feel like something bad is going to happen.”

He sighed. He was never one to believe I such things. That was why you weren’t telling him until now.

“We work in the mafia. How worse can it get?”

“I suppose you’re right.”

You smiled, getting up to get ready.

....

“The target is in the warehouse.”

Chuuya said to you. You both were currently seated in Chuuya’ s car, parked on a hill. Your stakeout point had a clear view of an abandoned warehouse. Apparently, it was the location where a rival gang was coordinating with some members of the mafia and stealing their goods. You both had already executed the moles and had sent in one of your trusted members as a pretend mole. He would send you both a signal when he felt that the security was the weakest at the entrance. You both would then attack. He was supposed to cause a commotion in there, resulting in majority of the guards to rush inside and leave the entrance wide open for you two. Your men had already sealed all exits to ensure no one got out. Now you were both waiting for the signal.

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.”

Chuuya pouted at your jab.

“I was just being thorough!”

“By stating the obvious?”

“You’re so mean.”

“Says the angry redhead.”

“What has my hair got to do with anything?!”

“Your hair has got to do with everything! I-”

A sharp sound was heard. Both you and Chuuya were blinded for a second as white filled your vision. You felt your torso pinch a little. It almost felt like someone was sticking a few needles into your tummy. You heard screams. They sounded frantic. A few moments later, your vision cleared, and you saw yourself floating in the air, a frantic Chuuya saying something to you. It all sounded mangled and mixed up. If you could have laughed at the moment, you would have laughed at how funny he sounded.

The screams had turned to cries, now. You were so confused. Who was crying? And why was Chuuya pressing down on your stomach?

Looking down, you saw the blood. There was blood everywhere. It had completely soaked your shirt. Chuuya was using his ability and his hands to keep it in. He seemed hurried. His eyes were watery, and streams of tears were flowing down his cheeks.

Finally understanding the situation, you realised that you were injured. Looking down at your torso, you saw the two bullet wounds. And now, you finally felt them. The pain was overwhelming. It rushed in like water at the breaking of a dam. It completely filled you up. You now realised that those cries of pain were actually your own. You wished to have never woken from your daze. You wanted to remain oblivious. You wanted the pain to go back to mere pinpricks. It was too much. Succumbing to the enormous pain, you let your eyes shut close. You realised that your body was going to sleep. Maybe for the last time.

....

Chuuya sat in a chair next to your sleeping form. You were lying unconscious on the clean white sheets of the hospital bed. Your entire torso was covered in bandages. You had taken two bullets, one in the side and one right next to your belly button. The doctors were able to save you in time, and it was a matter of time till you gained consciousness.

Chuuya held his face in his hands. The memories of just moments prior to visiting the hospital kept running through his head. He kept seeing flashes of your blood oozing out of your body. He kept remembering the way your eyes had glazed over while he tried to apply pressure on your wounds. There was so much blood. His mere two hands were proving to be inefficient. So, he had activated his ability to push the blood back in. He had no clue if that had helped. He remembered activating his ability the moment you had let out a blood curdling scream. He had levitated you both out of the car and high up in the night sky.

He should have listened to you. Your forewarnings were right. Something terrible had ended up happening. The mole he had sent inside was found murdered by the backup team, and the head of the organization had fled. His men had taken up sniping positions all across the hills. Two of them had shot you at once. He remembered going on a mad spree and pelting boulders at all the men in his sight using his ability right before he flew to the hospital with you in his arms.

“Has she gained consciousness?”, the doctor asked as she peeked in. Chuuya had asked all medical personnel to leave him alone with his sweetheart, a little too passionately, after they were done treating you, and hence the poor doctor was a tad bit scared to check up on your vitals.

Chuuya whipped his head up.

“No.”

The doctor scrunched her brows in worry. Rushing in, she did some tests.

“I’m sorry, sir, but if the patient doesn’t wake up in another hour, we will have to declare a coma condition.”

“What?!”

The doctor jumped at his outburst, but answered him, nonetheless.

“The body is behaving as if it is already in coma. This can also be because it is repairing itself. It doesn’t necessarily have to be coma.”

She sighed.

“But, if the patient retains this state of unconsciousness, we will have to rule out a natural healing process. I suggest you try to communicate with the patient. Sit close, hold hands, maintain physical contact. Try speaking. That way, maybe the body will react to a familiar scent, touch or voice, and gain consciousness.”

Chuuya gulped, worried, and nodded.

“I understand.”

He shakily made his way to your face, observing your serene features. He hesitantly put your hair behind your ear, breathing unsteadily. He felt immense guilt and anger. He was guilty of not paying your uneasiness an ear, and he was angry because he couldn’t save you. If only he had been more vigilant, more aware of his surroundings, he would have been able to smell a rat.

“I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have been able to protect you.”

He gasped inaudibly, trying to keep his sobs in. He couldn’t stop the tears. They flowed freely down his cheeks, a symbol of his immense fear of losing you. He couldn’t bear the idea of loosing you. It might be selfish of him, but he wanted you to live, because God-forbid, if you didn’t, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. He knew that if such a devastating situation ever occurred, he would lose all sanity and go mad. He would lose his mental balance and completely fall off the edge. He couldn’t bear to be separated from you for two days, forget the rest of his lifetime.

He caressed your cheek, smiling bitterly at your sleeping form. Nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck, he let himself truly cry. He let out all his emotions into your hair. He found comfort in your warmth. He has always felt the safest in your embrace. That’s where he could truly be himself.

He didn’t realise how long it had been when he began talking to you. Telling you how much he loved you and how he couldn’t live without you. He pondered on how he would take his life if you left him.

“I’d have to go to that stupid mackerel for guidance. But then again, he has been unsuccessful in killing himself for 22 years. He’s probably the worst suicidal guy out there.”

He was lying next to you now, cradling your frail form in his arms.

The doctor waltzed in, a serious and sorrowful expression straining her pretty features.

“Nakahara-san, I’m so sorry.”

Chuuya gritted his teeth, holding onto you tighter.

“No! There’s still a chance that-”

“Its hopeless. The patient has already been in this state for 16 hours.”

“16 hours?”

The doctor smiled sympathetically.

“I gave you a lot more time. I thought maybe the constant contact would help. But sadly, it’s out of our hands now.”

Chuuya sat up, holding your face in his large palms.

“Wake up! Wake up, damnit!”

He shook you gently, desperate to get any kind of reaction out of you.

“Nakahara-san! Please get away from the patient! You mustn’t cause any harm! Security?!”

The doctor rushed forward to pull Chuuya off of you, but he held onto you. He grabbed your arms, looping his own around them and pulling you towards him.

“Wake up!”

He rested his face on your chest, sobs escaping him.

“Please... please wake up...”

The doctor reached forward to clasp his shoulder, trying to pry him off of you.

A large gasp followed by couple of coughs were heard.

You took in a large breath, trying to swallow. Your throat was dry and scratchy.

“Y/N!”

Looking up, you saw Chuuya holding you in his arms, a relieved and surprised expression on his elegant features.

“Hey.”

Your voice sounded raspy, but it was music to his ears.

He engulfed you in a hug, one that knocked the air out of your lungs.

“She’s still a patient!”

The doctor reprimanded as the security guards pulled Chuuya off of you.

You smiled at the tiny ginger.

“I’m alive, Chu. Stop being dramatic.”

Chuuya laughed at your carefree attitude. He didn’t resist the men as they pulled him out of the room. He was relieved to see you awake. He didn’t care about anything else. Just as he was about to leave, you spoke up.

“Call Gin and tell her that I’m not dead!”

“You don’t need to call me, idiot. I was waiting right outside.”

You smiled as she walked in, giving you a hug.

“Why does she get to go in but not me?!”

Chuuya whined.

“Hey Gin, guess what?”

Gin smiled at you, sitting at the edge of your bed at the nurses did their check-ups.

“What?”

“I’m alive, bitch!”

Your snickers could be heard till the hallway, where the rest of your friends were seated. Shaking his head, Tachihara snickered.

“Good ol’ Y/N.”