#pwbpd feel free to share your experiences

[therapythoughtstogether]

What is splitting if you don't mind

Also can your best friend help you leave the cruel man

Hi!!! Thanks for the message 🥺

The way I can describe splitting in my case, is suddenly seeing a person that I adore as "bad", going from love to hate. It has to do with the BPD black-and-white mentality and the intense mood swings. It also can be a person I kind of like and then I decide that now I hate them because of something really insignificant that triggered me (or something serious related to my trauma).

It may lead to an episode and I can get really emotional, angry, loud. I cry like there is no tomorrow and I can yell a lot. In the worst cases I have even thrown stuff around and slammed doors. I know there's also quiet splitting, so you kind of carry the storm inside. My storm usually manifests very physically and it's difficult to contain. Then I end up physically and mentally exhausted and people can easily end up getting tired of being around someone like me.

Things that can trigger it for me, as in this case, when people yell at me or raise their voice (due to my trauma), if I perceive that I'm being abandoned, If I feel unloved or like people I love don't care about me, if I feel interrogated about my trauma and people start to ask for details, situations that imply lack of consent, if I sense injustice towards me and particularly to others. There are probably more triggers that I don't remember now and maybe some I don't even know of yet.

Once the episode passes, I go back to loving the person as if nothing has happened.

As for my friend helping me escape this situation, we are actually planning something, so send all the good vibes, positive thoughts, prayers, whatever it my be. Thank you for caring!! 🙏🏼

I hope my explanation was useful somehow! People experience splitting differently, so other pwBPD, feel free to comment and add your own experiences.

Sending love! 💜

[aspd-culture]

Hey, so I’m a prosocial person who stumbled onto your blog trying to figure out what it was like to be antisocial because I have never heard about antisocial people from their own mouths.

I saw you mention an “exception” whilst reading. What is that, if you don’t mind me asking?

Welcome! I can happily explain that for you.

So essentially, an Exception is someone that a pwASPD (person or people with ASPD) experiences less or less severe symptoms around.

If a pwASPD has an Exception, they may have some amount of empathy toward them, enjoy or at least not feel drained by being around them, feel some remorse or guilt for wrongdoings that hurt them, and/or genuinely miss them when they aren't around. They may be more inclined to follow rules if encouraged to do so by this person, or be responsible/not impulsive solely or mostly for the sake of not negatively affecting them. A good amount (but not all) of pwASPD who do seek treatment choose to do so on the recommendation or request of an Exception. Things that commonly feel like they have no value for many pwASPD like physical affection, staying within boundaries, sugarcoating things to avoid hurt feelings, etc. may suddenly have value if they are for the benefit of an Exception. Sometimes, while alone with their Exception, pwASPD will feel so "normal" that it causes imposter syndrome and makes them question if they actually have ASPD or not. This is normal and does not mean they don't have ASPD.

Other specific symptoms tend to be worsened for some pwASPD when it comes to their Exceptions, because they feel overly vulnerable with them. They may experience increased impulses to harm them (emotionally or physically) during times where they feel harmed or abandoned by their Exception. Exceptions also tend to be pushed away and detached from for seemingly no reason by pwASPD during symptom flares. This comes from the trauma associated with a poor attachment to caregivers - basically that affects how our brain forms attachments and causes us to see close, loving relationships (as one would have with an Exception) as fake and dangerous. Our brain believes that feeling safe with someone is proof they are going to hurt us, so we may lash out.

An Exception can be romantic, as I would say is most common, or platonic. Many pwASPD call their Exceptions their "best friends", but never feel like it quite feels like it described the closeness well enough before they're aware of the term. Some pwASPD who had one good caregiver may have said caregiver as an Exception, which may have helped them avoid conduct disorder diagnosis and/or treatment early on because they listened to and respected one authority figure. This was the case with me, for example. I've talked to more than one person who's Exception was their therapist. Anyone in the life of a pwASPD can be an Exception,

As of right now, this is a phenomenon noted by pwASPD but not researched and reported on by professionals, unlike the favorite person (FP) in BPD. Afaik, I believe the term was separated on request of pwBPD as there was some controversy over pwoBPD (people/person without BPD) using that term even if they were also cluster b.

Some pwASPD who don't have have experienced their professuinals referring to the same thing we refer to as an Exception as a favorite person/FP. I would consider this inaccurate both out of respect for the wishes of pwBPD but also because it's not really the same. Favorite People exacerbate the symptoms of a pwBPD, while Exceptions mostly ease the symptoms of a pwASPD. They're different enough that I would want a different term even if pwBPD were ok sharing the term.

I hope that helps! Feel free to ask any other questions you have. Thank you for listening to the voices of those of us who have ASPD. /gen

[borderlinescorpio]

First Post - Main Goals 🤎

A couple of things about me; I’m 25, from Scotland and obviously have BPD. To say that I was shocked would’ve been an understatement, but the lack of self awareness I had at that time in my life, only 2.5 years ago.. wow a lot has changed since then. I understand myself a lot better now, the tricky part is trying to overcome it in times of weakness.. which seems to happen often.

I have a lotttt of stories under my belt that I feel I 1. Need to get off my chest before I explode and 2. Other people could seriously learn from, I’m also willing to give any advice I trust my knowledge in, on the basis that I am a psychology student. 🤎

This blog is mainly for the venting and education of myself due to the fact I have only just been diagnosed since Oct 2020. I'm still navigating my way through and don't know anyone else who has BPD.. I thought who better to share a community with, than those who understand? I will always trigger warn before posts as I can be an extreme over-sharer when venting. It would be lovely to meet friends along the way and most importantly, I'd like to help anyone I can who's struggling to come to terms or cope with their own diagnoses. I am currently studying psychology and have a lot of personal experience in mental illness due to having undiagnosed BPD & cPTSD that began presenting itself at around 12 years of age.. So any support I am able to provide, I absolutely will. I also have an uncle who suffers with schizophrenia, meaning I’m very understanding about ALL mental illnesses, this is a safe space for everyone 🤎 Throughout the last 12 or so years of navigating mostly undiagnosed (until 2020) severe mental illnesses, I have also acquired a lot of problems with addiction along the way and would love to share that too.. there will also be appropriate trigger warnings and there will be absolutely 0 glorification of substances of any kind🤎

🤎 Venting - I will most definitely be ranting and venting on here, as I’m going to try and use it as an outlet, so feel free to vent with me in the comments section if you can ever relate! I don’t get offended by any of that ‘trauma dumping’ stuff, if you have something on your mind let it out.

🤎 Advice/discussion posts - I may post asking for fellow pwBPD’s opinions and advice, ofc you don’t have to engage but the more the merrier🥰

🤎 Some posts will have mature /triggering content, I will ALWAYS give trigger warnings so that people know what they’re about to indulge in. Due to the natures of the events in my life that have led me to this point, some controversial subjects unfortunately cannot be ignored

I just want this to be a little safe haven, where I can come to blow off some steam in a healthy way, and positively make some impactful friendships 🤗