#queerly-traumatic

[karmaphone]

anyways witchblade (2000) revival when

[lil-cherubb]

I'm sure its not a common experience (obviously) but I also identify as an mspec lesbian/lesboy bc of queer trauma and trauma that happened to me at a very young age. lesbianism isn't just "inherently mspec by definition" and "queer attraction to women". Which both of those are very valid points that I very much agree with. But it isn't just that for me.

(below this cut is me explaining why it isn't just that for me and how my trauma has affected my sexuality today. If you don't want to read about that I understand and ask that you scroll on by! Have a good day if you decide to do so, take care of yourself!)

Its also something that was ripped from me, it was something I was punished for. It was something that has been seen as vile and unclean. And I've been told that to my face. At a very young age it was instilled in me that I was to like men and only men. If I ever feel attracted to women it means the devil is in me and I need to seek help. (Basically the same conversation happened about my gender, too, but I digress)

I never understood it, but that was when it started, in hindsight. I've mentioned this before on some post from awhile ago, but I had a gf when I was very young. And my mom found out. Naturally she told my dad, and they almost sent me to conversion therapy over it. It was a traumatizing and horrid experience, having to live through them deciding if it was worth it or not, while having no contact with anyone. While knowing damn well what conversion therapy is.

Lesbianism is not just my attraction to women, my lesbianism is a little girl trapped inside of me screaming and crying to be herself again. No matter how much of a trans guy I am, no matter how attracted to men I might be, I am a fucking lesbian. I am a queer guy queerly attracted to women and sometimes men. And that will never change. This little girl inside of me will live freely for the rest of my life. and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

[fallowhearth]

Over the past week I've been consuming probably dangerous amounts of Reddit relationships, advice, and aita posts. In my defence I've been very sick and needed the content equivalent of pablum to keep me entertained. I've approached it both as a drama hog and as voyeurism into 'normie' culture. Some of my best friends are straight (:P) but they're also people who are a bit outside of the typical norms of straight society. So my view into the lives of the average Joe and Jane Suburban is fairly limited.

One interesting thing I noticed is the consensus about cheating on reddit is completely alien to my own intuitions and also to my life as a queer person. They as a group have settled on a bunch of baseline assumptions that are strange.

They seem to be in agreement that cheating is about opportunity: This one usually rears it's head as lukewarm justification for socially acceptable levels for controlling behaviour. It seems they agree its reasonable to ask your partner to scrub evidence of previous partners from their life: this indicates respect apparently. So, no exes in the Facebook friend list. They also agree its dangerous for people in relationships to have close friends of their preferred gender, to go to parties, to travel without their partner, etc.

The main thing I don't really get about this is that people who want to cheat are very good at creating their own opportunities and seem to have no trouble doing this, without their partner knowing. The flipside, is that all these opportunity-creating activities seem very normal and like things people do all the time without inadvertently having extramarital sex with each other. It seems to be implicitly accepting the cheaters' narrative; that they slipped and fell genitals-first onto another person and it spiralled from there. Obviously in this logic, if you keep your partner indoors and away from tripping hazards and nearby randos, they won't cheat. I don't think it works like that.

The exes thing is also weird. My intuition is that exes are the people least appealing as affair partners. Those two people have already discovered all the things they hate about each other. They are exes. A ban on exes would also be socially untenable as a queer person.

The actual roots of this assumption seem pretty clear. It sounds like an exhausting way to live. Moving on.

Redditors have largely adopted the party line that cheating is about trust rather than sex per se. But then they really seem to fixate on the sex. It seems accepted as normal to be having intrusive thoughts about your cheating partner engaging in sex acts with other people, to feel disgusted at the idea of the parts of your partner you 'own' being viewed by someone else, etc. Lots of ideas about sex being uniquely shameful or sacred. Not too out there culturally but somewhat in opposition to redditors' self-image as rational, enlightened and progressive.

This one is weird to me on a personal level but is maybe normal on a social level. I mean, I've been cheated on, and the actual details didn't really bother me. It seemed very much the same category of experience as platonic trust breaking from friends, family, colleagues, etc. To me the sex did not signify. (I'd also argue that the drama and life-ruination potential of a queerly platonic female friendship breakdown is far in excess of anything that can be achieved by people who are actually fucking.) It also didn't really leave me with trust issues or specific hangups. (On the other hand, previous parenthetical aside.)

But reddit has normalised talking about cheating like it's inherently life ruining and traumatic. Like there's no recovery. It's a bit weird to see 22 year olds posting about how their girlfriend cheating ruined their life forever. Sorry man but that doesn't seem like a sentiment that should be reinforced by a thousand other 22 year olds on reddit. What do I know though.

Anyway that was my week on reddit. I'm still sick but really hoping I find another way to pass the time.

[drippingheart]

Unease developed in an instant — Raised hairs and the coiling of guts even before making eye contact with a single, humongous eye. It was the wet, sloppy noises which grabbed attention initially. Unsettling even by sound, the sight which accompanied the offensive auditory stimuli was worse than what imagination could have conjured. The creature's eye dominated its entire body, making up two thirds of, and, queerly, it settled on a ranid-like body. It would have been comical., perhaps endearing had the creature remained in the pages of a manga or the film of a children's movie.

Slimy, sickly, and covered in warts . . the abnormality of its existence was a horrendous thing alone, then there was the noise. Tongue three meters in length lapped at the all-staring eye, and droplets of spit ( if it actually was spit ) smacked Getō Suguru at his forehead and on the tip of his nose. Any other person, a normal person, would have believed themselves plunging into a dark pool of insanity, yet Suguru was struck with frightening clarity. He was not insane.

All the invertebrate and ape appearing creatures he had seen skittering about in the shadowed corners of bathhouses, convenience stores, and public bathrooms were not figments of a troubled child's mind after all. Had Suguru not been wrapped with the ice of fright, he would have howled in relief. Relief for being mad. Dread for seeing what no one else saw. It took a moment too long for Suguru, at the age of six, to feel the sizzle of his flesh. Hot like scalding water, hot like a sudden sunburn, hot like . . corrosive poison.

He looked a corpse the way his onyx hair contrasted the pallor of his petrified flesh, and the child did the only thing he could. Suguru ran. He ran and ran as the ranid-like creature continued to wet its eye and watch unmoving. He didn't even bother kicking off his outdoor shoes at the threshold of his family home's front door and ignored his father's annoyed grunts as he rushed to the nearest toilet. There it was in the reflection. A traumatized child, and the raw, slightly bubbled flesh marring his forehead and nose.

It was real. They were all real.

blessed by @shlnlgamls

[waterparksdrama]

im really really really banking on this “two sides…” being b sides, but also BI sides. ik i am so naive but still i am so hopeful for this being Good. queerly ambiguious undertones in a sea of religiously traumatized overtones and tons of wordplay/metaphors on the concept of “both” (guys/girls, heaven/hell, etc)

i feel like we're anticipating something much more refined than the final end product will actually be - iz

[thevalleyisjolly]

Eärendil? 😁

My special-est star boy!

1: sexuality headcanon

He genuinely has not thought about it, but it can best be described as queerly devoted to you (*you being Elwing, the sea, his fellow mariners)

2: otp

Elwing!!!

3: brotp

Círdan! Gimme all the shipbuilding shoptalk and this ancient elf possibly older than any other elf in Middle-earth befriending this young whippersnapper half-elven sailor.

4: notp

I don't think I've ever seen any dedicated Eärendil pairings outside of Elwing and she's my special-est bird girl so y'know.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

He's pretty average in terms of height! Boy's got the build of a sailor but crammed into a 5'8" frame; he could knock an Elf down flat on their ass with one hit if he were so inclined, but he'd probably have to reach to get to their face.

6: favorite line from this character

I don't have a copy of the book on hand, but that scene in The Book of Lost Tales when they're fleeing the fall of Gondolin and Eärendil is asking for Ecthelion and learns that he's dead and mourns him. There's just something so quietly heartbreaking about this seven year old child experiencing and contextualizing this horrific traumatic event through the loss of a friend :(((

7: one way in which I relate to this character

I too don't know when to quit and will keep trying to accomplish a thing if I think it's worth it even when everyone else would say to just give up and accept things.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

(stealing your answer for Elwing) When I read terrible takes about him asdfghjkl;

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

THE cinnamon roll of the Legendarium, it's hard to get more cinnamon roll than him!

[jzixuans]

i tried drawing along while you were streaming today, and he didn’t turn out too shabby if i do say so myself :D

blink: quinn he looks great!!!!!!!!

[ephemeral-afterlight]

✴ and 🐾 for the sanders sides asks?

✴ - What is your theory on the next dark side?

Hmmm… this one, I have a bit of an odd relationship with. I know a lot of this comes from the colour theory (which I do enjoy!), and subsequently means that everyone is waiting for the Orange side. I’m… honestly not sure! I don’t really think of new side theories often, so this is really the first time I’ve contemplated it. I don’t think it’d be something like “Hate” (one I see a lot) because hatred in itself is classified more as a feeling rather than a trait and would fall under Patton’s reign. Obviously, this is not a prevalent aspect of Thomas/c!Thomas’ personality, but if it were to exist, I don’t think it’s a big enough aspect to constitute a completely separate side. I see “Wrath” as well, but I’m also a little bit iffy on that one because something about it feels almost redundant. 

In terms of traits already existing, you have most of them taken already: Logan is Thomas’ logic, critical thinking skills, problem-solving, thirst for knowledge, etc., Patton is his sense of morality and holds a lot of his emotional reactions, Virgil is his anxiety, caution, and fight-or-flight response, the Creativitwins make up his creativity, passion, and drive to create, and Deceit is his self-preservation, part of his survival instinct, and the purveyor of his want to better himself through any means possible. A lot of possible traits a new side could have are already overseen by the sides that have already been introduced, which is why a new side would have to come from a very different place than the rest of them do. So, I don’t personally have many ideas on what they could be, but regardless, I believe it’ll be interesting to see what the team comes up with!

🐾 - What pet do you think each of the sides would have?

Ahh, this one will be fun! This is drawn quite a bit from my animal communication au, and I have given some thought to this before.

Logan - Okay, listen. Logan is a Nerd™ and therefore couldn’t help himself when he got a pretty raven that resides in his room. He’s pretty quiet and calm, and therefore doesn’t distract him from his work, but also allows Logan the option of stroking his feathers as a destressing technique. Nobody knows this, since he doesn’t ever allow anyone in his room, but Logan also has a cat and a dog, which are both well-behaved and don’t get into fights with each other, which is the only reason he got them in the first place. His cat is a really pretty Birman cat with deep blue eyes and the softest fur, who will sit on his desk while he’s working (which initially annoyed him), something Logan realized she does when she senses that he’s too stressed out and needs to take a break and relax. Although it used to be something he viewed as an inconvenience, now that he understands her intentions, he has a respectful appreciation for her care. His dog is a Border Collie and Lab mix, which is admittedly a much bigger dog than he was comfortable with, but she’s not too rowdy and has come to act as a therapy/emotional support dog. Apparently, she also has adopted his cat’s awareness, and will tug lightly at his shirt as her own way of getting him out of his head. He never really has been one for pets or animal in general, but he adores the ones he has, and he wouldn’t trade them for the world.

Dee - I can’t help myself. Snakes! Awesome snakes! Cold-blooded animals are his friends. He has two snakes that will chill wrapped around his shoulders, but he also has a huge Boa Constrictor named Ethel that doesn’t leave his room. He also has an enormous aquarium (floor-to-ceiling) full of all different colours and types of fish. He also has a tree frog somewhere, but she just does whatever she wants, so Dee doesn’t see her very often, at least not until she’ll randomly hop onto his hat and scare the shit out of him.

Roman - Okay, listen. He may be a prince, but he is also a princess, and therefore can talk to woodland animals and gain their trust very easily. He likes to sit in fields in the Imagination and animals will just be… drawn to him. Deer, rabbits, birds, even a huge bear that will let him use its stomach as a pillow. He just loves meeting them all! He also has a parrot named Mallory that resides in his room and will perch on his shoulder while he’s working, and the things that she says… well, without context, there have been some weird interactions with her.

Some examples of this include:

One time, Patton came up to ask if Roman was hungry, but instead found Mallory alone, sitting on a bedpost. She and Patton stared each other down without a word, and then she said “Sleep is for cishets”, and Patton never came into Roman’s room without knocking ever again.

“That’s not what eggs are supposed to be used for!”

Any time Virgil is in her presence, they curse each other out with increasingly profane vocabulary, and it is a mystery how she knows words that even Virgil has never heard before.

“No job! I’m gay, give me money!”

Once, Logan got into an actual argument with her over how the oven works. This is not the first time this has happened.

Patton walked in on Roman and Mal saying the words “Ranch dressing” to each other over and over again. He wishes he understood, but he doesn’t.

Sometimes, she’ll randomly blurt out the name of a brand of laundry soap. Roman suspects this is Remus’ doing, but he’s not 100% sure.

Deceit will take turns reciting with her the entirety of the song “All Star” by Smash Mouth line-by-line. Nobody knows when this started or why it has happened enough to routinely occur, but it’s still extremely entertaining, especially because of the monotony it’s done in. (”They don’t even sing, Logan, what’s the point?!”)

At midnight one night, Mal flew out of Roman’s room and down to the kitchen, where Patton was having a midnight snack. He didn’t notice her, at least until the words “Your elbows are my legal property,” came from behind him, and he has never screamed so loudly in his life.

“I’m going to live in a cave and you can’t stop me!”

Virgil - This comes as a surprise to exactly No One, but I do love the idea of Virgil having a few pet tarantulas to just chill with him when he’s doing mundane things. He really loves seeing all of the different types, temperaments, and species, and can name all of them very easily. He definitely prefers ones that are really calm, but he does have a few Old World tarantulas that he does not let out of their enclosures Ever because those bitches are cool, but mean. He also has a sleek black cat (for the Aesthetic) that will lounge on his bed and take his spot any time he gets up. He loves her, but he also kinda hates her, because she’s an asshole, so.

Remus - I Wasn’t Joking About The Locusts. (He also has a pet rat named Dorothy, who is actually really sweet and docile, which is an odd juxtaposition to her owner. Isn’t behaviour learned?)

Patton - Yes, he loves cats, but he can’t really be around them without needing an Epi-Pen. After many incidents involving a severe allergic reaction, Logan forbade Patton from being near them, so Patton settled for dogs instead. He still loves them just as much, though! He has a cute little Pomeranian that will happily bother whoever’s closest to give him attention, and Patton also has the sweetest blue heeler that is very friendly and well-trained, but he also has some more unconventional animals, too. He has three guinea pigs, a sugar glider, a beautiful Betta fish, a horse that stays in the Imagination, and oddly enough, a chicken, who sleeps in his bed with him every single night without fail. It’s a miracle Patton even remembers to feed all of them, but he adores every single one of his friends, so the others figure it’ll be fine for now.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

aster, azalea, and heliconia for the asks?

Aster- Would you rather be cold or hot?

Oh, cold, always. I adore being cold. Heat is >:(

Azalea- What’s a movie you cried while watching?

I could name one that was good and truly emotional and meaningful to me but you get the one that first came to mind: Bolt. I was young, I loved dogs, and when I thought Bolt had died in the fire I had a mini-fit. Cried the second time too and I knew he’d be okay that time.

Heliconia- Do you like when it rains?

I LOVE it!!!!!!!!! Rain is amazing!!!!! I love walking and running through it!!!! There are times when I’m not in the mood to be dragged through it, but for the most part: YES

[illogicallyinclined]

So what kind of chaotic fuckery goes down in the roman-remus-D apartment? I'm just curious

College Students Are Dumb: An Anthology

tws: violence mention, knife mention, cursing

okay, so the instances where all three of these losers match wavelengths are powerful but exceedindly rare. usually, you can find two of them teaming up on the last housemate or all three of them existing in the state of “Every Man For Himself”

UNO was banned from the apartment after roman and remus teamed up to skip D eight times in a row, at which point he literally flipped the living room coffee table

remus and D once convinced roman that automatic doors will open no matter how fast you run at them. a very broken automatic door taught him that No They Will Not.

(remus already knew that because he’s purposefully run through a few automatic doors before)

roman and D are the rarest team up (because pranking remus is HARD), but they DID once put a bunch of air fresheners in the vent above his bed, prompting him to yell “Why the Fuck Does It Smell Like Pine Trees” at two in the morning

once roman and remus are in a reasonable enough status to start behaving like quasi-regular twin brothers, D also has to put up with,,, a lot

this was proposed by @spacetai on the hockey discord server, but remus definitely shaves off his own mustache and glues it to roman’s sleeping face at least once

D walks into the apartment to find roman and remus screaming in fear and delight respectively as the roomba that remus duct taped a knife to spins wildly out of control

distantly, from two rooms away: VIBE CHECK! *smack*

remus never learned how to play an instrument in high school like his brother did, but he DID buy a melodica on an impulse his freshman year of college, and D can tell you -- with certainty -- that the clarinet and melodica should never be played at the same time unless you are trying to make yourself regret being alive

taglist: @ephemeral-afterlight @scared-ghosthunter @approximately12lbs-of-ducks @harrypotternerdprincess @ginnyfox617 @hickory-dickory-doc-k @thatonenerdphotographer @thebirdsofgay @last-holistic-renegade @hela-daughter-of-loki @logansanderslove @sotakeabitofcalpol @goldteethandacurseforthistown @theitalianscribe @ashensanity @in-a-nook-with-a-book @faycanyons @sapphire-knight @invalid-author @littlestliu @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @demidork84 @pessimisticvirtuoso @theradicalrainbow @fabfan00 @amayaisokay @foxtrot-system @remussvscohangout @syllabyllsakuma @ohthatsworm @cypress-sleeping @quietwords-loudthoughts @partypoison1923 @vara-albion @andreaissy @abi-beehive @awkwardandanxiousfander @meglooy @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors @mariita-2006 @amber474542 @quietpaperplanes @hayden-going-insane @blue-dress-and-ready-to-impress @sanderssides-chaos @call-me-paxton @kimolothecatt @n4o5r7a9 @nerdyleafeon @mariniacipher @lordofkaos @mixedfandommess @cateye-glasses  @peachplumfight @discount-milo-thatch @theresneverenoughfandoms @multifandomnightmare @lana–22  @the-smol-est @e-thot-socks @lightenian @cooliofooliosanders @thepotatoqween @lucky-shy-shadow @hr-part-of-a-mind @that-one-nb-kid @o-hello-its-me @crackhead-gemini @randomfactscenteral @a-emo-nightmare @enby-ralsei @insanegoldie2 @logicalityforlifefightmeiswear @melodiread @anderswrites @i-am-the-darkness-i-am-the-night @ollyollyoxinfree @strawberryjellystuff @queerly-traumatic @whatuph9mies @peridot-the-kitten @localagendergrape @derpy–cat @ohthatsstillworm @gattonero17 @alskyllhasarrived @lord-of-the-wicked @oakskull @jamshaven @it-s-o-l-i-v-e-r @fight-or-flight-reflexes @gattonero17 @nowletmeseeyourkezzhands @killjoy-3000 @airiervessel @samuel-the-gay@atomicfanboy @an-absolute-failure @mean-af-x 

[black-out-wonder]

New Discord

Here’s the link to the discord! My friend @queerly-traumatic helped so much in making it, thank you! If anyone wants to join, just click the link!)

You can come talk about the sides, the videos, the fanfic, the fanart, and anything else you tell us you want! Just be courteous!

https://discord.gg/mU9Zwc

@hissesssss @romanfruit @aqua-sound

(You guys mentioned wanting to join, so I tagged you c:)

[jzixuans]

happy birthday blink!!! ily!!!!

thank you!!!!!

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

you are the goodest of noodles. the most brilliant writer of the gayest shit anyone ever did see. a kind fren. a beautiful hooman. a genius in the mind of anyone who knows you. the best of blogs. the holder of my love and affection 💜💜💜

I don’t know if Triple Kiss called on your directly or if you are simply another of their cause but SBDhczgdchjsf how DARE

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

i feel like you haven't been told how amazing and beautiful and gorgeous you are, and how happy your writing makes people. like. nakjubgdkuaysbkgiues??? you are a precious bean and i love you so much #KillLiaWithKindness2K19

Great. Now even more people are getting on the murder me train. I’mma have to get better security…

[jzixuans]

blinded by fear pt1

in which logan tries to help virgil but let’s be honest he’s had better ideas

pt1 - pt2 - pt3 - pt4

general taglist:

@ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @merlybird500 @stardustlogan @ajdraws0430 @notveryglittery @minamishipsit-secondround @bumble-bitch-sanders @evilmuffin @spacedouterri @amazing-creepyfloof @vergeangst @ihateitwhenyourejustvague @loganberrysanders @katie-the-noble-fangirl @shesavampirequeen @wowimsogoddamnoriginal @backatthebein @mowuune @potato--justpotato @nonbinaryroyaltylove @vampirexrightsxactivist @thatspongebobkidmeme @whiterubys @iamdarknessiamdeath @queerly-traumatic @ollyollyoxinfree @lance-alt @specklefreckle15 @music-magic-mayhem

[jzixuans]

seelie

i’m not gonna lie this piece was only gonna take three days and not a whole week except i kept arguing with the colour palette and then with logan for not having a cooperating body so

laoft!logan by the brilliant @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors

click on the picture for a spring in hd

general taglist:

@ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @stardustlogan @ajdraws0430 @notveryglittery @minamishipsit-secondround @bumble-bitch-sanders @evilmuffin @spacedouterri @amazing-creepyfloof @vergeangst @ihateitwhenyourejustvague @loganberrysanders @katie-the-noble-fangirl @shesavampirequeen @wowimsogoddamnoriginal @backatthebein @mowuune @potato--justpotato @nonbinaryroyaltylove @vampirexrightsxactivist @thatspongebobkidmeme @iamdarknessiamdeath @queerly-traumatic @ollyollyoxinfree @lance-alt @specklefreckle15 @music-magic-mayhem @wicked-universe @a-soul-among-the-stars @reinefandoms @sleepyssnail @remussvscohangout @enby-ralsei @nonbinary-lizard-2 @iamsigningmylifeaway @aidex35 @melodiread @pattons-cat-hoodie @ksfoxsoxs @im-an-error-404 @storytellerofuntoldlegends @unstable-dreamer-2000 @rothebook @foreverfangirlalways @analogical-mess @whispers-stuff-in-your-ear @vibe-unchecked @themultishipperchild @whats-up-kiddos @musical-nerd18 @djpurple3 @intrusively-remus @y-n-a-h-t-e-b @ha-i-dont-know-either @thefingergunsgirl @anxiousnotaesthetic @draculawithajetpack @true-chaotic-dumbass @hexatrash @snek-boii @weird-writer-fan @awkwardandanxiousfander