#random bullshit that brings me joy

[i-am-just-a-skeleton]

I fuckin love when you go to a parade and somebody's throwing the most obscure out-of-pocket weird-ass candy like everybody else's got skittles and tootsie rolls and bubble gum but these weirdos have whatever the fuck all this is

[hellsite-hall-of-fame]

can you stop trying to be funny and post unrelated stuff and just reblog the famous posts like you're supposed to

unfortunately I cannot

I did create the “the hellsite answers” tag so it can be blocked if you don’t want to see asks

but there are other blogs that I think only reblog posts (like @worldheritagepostorganization and many others that I can’t think of at the moment) that you’re free to follow if you prefer that

[demxters]

—LOVING YOU IS TREACHEROUS

frat!jake seresin x f!reader

dagger squad college!au

summary: jake realizes there's more to his feelings for you than just pure attraction or the moment jake realizes he's falling in love

wc: 1.7k

warning(s): 18+, fem!reader, no y/n (reader goes by nickname ace), a little angst, swearing, bad parental relationships, mentions of vomiting, and drinking

part of the loving you universe || find it on ao3 here

FEEDBACK, COMMENTS, AND REBLOGS ARE ENCOURAGED AND APPRECIATED!

Things are different now. You are different now. Not in a bad way, you suppose. Just different. You’re more social, more outgoing, you feel more at peace with yourself. To think that it’s all because of a group project. 

Never would you have thought that a randomized group project would lead you to your newfound friends. Never would you have thought they would be Frat boys. Bradley Bradshaw and Jake Seresin somehow wormed their way into your little friend group, bringing Javy Machado and Reuben Fitch with them. Suddenly, your little group of five became nine. You used to think you’d hate it, but now you wouldn’t have things any other way. 

Even Jake Seresin, who you found absolutely infuriating, added something to the dynamic of the group. Despite your clear distaste for him, it just wouldn’t be the same without him. 

You couldn’t explain it, but you felt complete. Had you told yourself five months ago that you’d become friends with Delta Chi’s most notorious you would have laughed in your own face. Never, in a million years, did you think that would ever happen. Yet here you were, spending your Saturday night in your apartment playing board games and drinking (they were drinking, you were supervising) with your expanded group.

“I call bullshit! That’s a hit!” Javy drunkenly slurs at Bob who holds his hands up with clear offense. 

Bob pushes his glasses up the slope of his nose. His flushed skin and pink tipped ears are a tell tale sign that he is intoxicated. “Is not!” 

Javy shakes his head vigorously. “Is to! Let me see that,” he clumsily reaches over towards Bob’s Battleship board. Javy’s lack of coordination sends the board flying, along with the rain of tiny red and white playing pieces that scatter across the living room. 

The room erupts in a chorus of shouts and groans upon the inevitable clean up of the game and you sigh from your place on the couch. “I think that’s enough of that for tonight.” You wipe your palms on the fabric of your pants before bringing yourself to a stand.

Carefully maneuvering around your friends who are now scattered all across the room picking up little red and white bullets, you gather the last of stray cups of alcohol that was left on the coffee table. 

“Hey!” Bradley catches sight of you whisking away their stash for the night. 

“Nope, no more drinks for tonight.” Bradley opens his mouth in protest as you continue, “Unless you want to spend the rest of the night cleaning the apartment of the mess you guys made.” 

The pointed look you give him makes his mouth snap shut and he sends you a mock salute before clumsily going back to picking up stray playing pieces. 

“Thank you,” you chide, sauntering over to the kitchen. You laugh at the sound of your friends’ overlapping chatter and Natasha’s mothering as she commands the boys to quit stalling and clean. 

There was no denying that your apartment was loud. Louder than it should be for ten o’clock at night. But you couldn’t bring yourself to care about quieting your friends down. You’ve spent so long living in silence that you embrace the sounds of joy and laughter that surround you. 

Silence isn’t unfamiliar to you. You grew up as an only child in a big house with emotionally absent parents. Silence was the only thing you ever knew. Then it wasn’t. 

You found a new home, a new family. One you wouldn’t give up for anything. 

You were too deep in your own musings to notice the faint footsteps creeping up behind you. 

“You missed a few,” a deep voice from behind you makes your heart jump. 

You almost drop the cups in your hand as you spin on your heel to see Jake Seresin standing in front of you with a few more glasses in hand. 

Your shoulders drop from your ears once you get a hold of your surroundings. “Geez, Seresin! You almost scared me half to death.” 

He winces at your wide eyes, biting his bottom lip to stifle the smile that threatens to cross his face. “Sorry,” he shrugs, stepping in front of you to place the cups on the counter behind you. 

You’re unsure whether or not he decided to step into your space intentionally. Either way, he was close enough for your chests to touch. The thought set your cheeks on fire, causing you to shove his arm away with a scoff. “Ever heard of personal space, Hangman?” 

Rather than the witty retort you were expecting out of him, Jake mumbles a soft apology before stepping back to keep an arm's length between you two. 

The silence that follows is unsettling. You realize that you have never been alone with Jake for longer than a few minutes at a time. When you were working on the group project together, Bradley was always around. The one time you tried to help him study for his American History final, you fell asleep halfway into your study session, cutting it short. For some reason you didn’t know how to act around him in any way other than hostile. 

You were glad he fought you back with just as much fire. It kept the strange feelings in your stomach at bay. 

The way he was looking at you now, however, this was different from the Jake you were so used to seeing. There was no puff to his chest or arrogance in his gaze. Only softness and dare you say, ease in his posture. 

“They’re showing the Twilight movies at the theaters this weekend if you were interested in going,” Jake breaks the silence. 

It takes you a moment to comprehend what he’s saying or to even realize that he’s talking to you. You thought Natasha must have stumbled her way into the kitchen but you glanced around to see no one but you two still there. You could no longer hear the noise being made by your friends in the living room. It was like all your senses had suddenly attuned to the man in front of you. The only thing you were aware of was him. You stutter embarrassingly over your words as you respond. “Oh, you mean wi–with you?” 

Jake’s eyes grow wide before he shakes his head. “No, well, yeah if you want to. I wasn’t trying to imply that you should go with me or anything. You could go with anyone you want. Doesn’t have to be me, I just thought that you’d like to know since you’re such a huge fan of the series.” 

Jake wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole right now. Smooth, Seresin, he scolds himself. Just when he thought he might have been reaching some middle ground with you, he had to go and make it weird by making you think he was asking you out. Not that he was opposed to the idea, rather that he wanted to ask you out the right way. Not while he was slightly tipsy in your kitchen. 

Your lips twitch unexpectedly, pulling upwards at the corners. There was something about seeing this side of Jake Seresin–the nervous, rambly side of him– that you found endearing. You preferred him more than the cocky, self centered frat boy he usually was. “How did you know I like the Twilight series?” 

He shrugs nonchalantly, a proud smile over taking his worried features. “You aren’t the only one who pays attention to things, Ace.” 

You put your hands up in surrender with light laughter, shaking your head softly. “Sorry, I’m just surprised that Jake Seresin pays attention to things other than sorority girls and himself.” 

“I pay attention to you,” the words just almost fall from his lips. Instead what comes out is, “And football. I pay attention to football too.” 

You snort, crossing your arms across your chest with a smirk. “Right, sorority girls, yourself, and the Dallas Cowboys.” 

“You got it, sweetheart,” he winks. 

The corner of his mouth lifts slightly when he winks and you find it absolutely amusing. A small fit of giggles erupt from you causing him to tilt his head with confusion. 

“What’s so funny, Ace?” he questions with his hands on his hips. 

His own lips quirk up as he tries not to laugh, finding your own incredibly contagious. That and he couldn’t help but think of just how much he loved seeing you this way. So open and carefree. 

Love. That isn’t the first time the word has popped into Jake’s head when he thought of you. It was, however, the first time he truly welcomed the thought. 

It wasn’t like in the movies, where the main character has this big revelation that they're in love. Rather, it slowly crept up on him. Always being in the back of his mind, but never clear enough for him to make out what it was exactly he was feeling. 

But things have changed lately, he has changed. You made him want to be better. 

You two weren’t close, far from it actually. But he wants to get close to you. He wants to be someone worth your time. He wants to be able to have more moments like this  with you. 

He was willing to prove that he was no longer the immature playboy you think he is. 

The question is on the tip of his tongue. Maybe he should just take this as an opportunity to ask you out. He opens his mouth, ready to take the leap when—

“Bradley!” Natasha shouts from the living room. “Ace, can you grab the Clorox? Bradley just threw up on the floor!” 

Mickey moans, “I think I might be next!”

You curse under your breath sending Jake a look he reciprocated with a tired sigh. 

“Well, looks like we’re on babysitting duty,” you weakly smile. 

He nods halfheartedly, watching you grab the wipes before hurrying out to the living room. His chest physically hurt as he watched you walk away. He was so close. However, he knew his feelings would have to wait. 

The old Jake didn’t do commitment or girlfriends. The old Jake didn’t fall in love. 

The new Jake was falling hard, and he was falling fast. He had a feeling things were only going to get more complicated from here. He doesn’t mind it, though. In fact, he kind of likes it. 

a/n: i genuinely feel like not many people read my work on here anymore but i've missed these two so much i had to post. as usual, if you made it this far, my inbox is always open and thank you for reading! :D

tgm taglist: @joaquinwhorres @harrycherrylove @smoothdogsgirl @t-nd-rfoot @dempy @ollyoxenfrees @averyhotchner @2guysonascooter @loveforaugust @blue-aconite @fandom-life-12 @stiles-banshees @iamdannyday @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @breezemood @eli2447 @angelbabyange @finelytaylored @pono-pura-vida @hecate-steps-on-me @blueoorchid @aviatorobsessed @blackwidownat2814 @hallecarey1 @averagereader35 @laneylovesglen @atarmychick007 @kajjaka @urfavelocagirl @clancycumber230 @memeorydotcom @kmc1989 @percysaidnever @thestarspangledcaptain @wkndwlff @shanimallina87 @dracosluvbot

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

I know it's random but Velvette saying "the boys and I..." in episode 3 is giving me a serotonin boost. She is like 'they are idiots but they are MY idiots'.

You already mentioned her as the mediator between Vox and Valentino, so what do you think are things she secretly likes about the boys but is acting like it annoys her?

Velvette saying "me and the boys" makes me go "how can anyone think that she's their daughter, they are obviously her disordered sons" sksksk

I think Velvette likes Valentino's short temper because she's an agent of chaos herself. She just hates when it bites her in the ass. Because watching Valentino tormenting others brings her so much joy, but she would call him dumb afterwards anyway.

When it comes to Vox, she relentlessly mocks how much of a poser he is but she enjoys watching him performing. Of course she will laugh in his face when he tries to pull off his chill professional persona in front of her. But at the same time, she smiles while seeing him bullshit the public opinion, promising people the world. It makes her feel almost proud.

[celesteablack]

Dear Swapnil @hauxicrook , thank you soo much for comming into my life and become my friend. I can't express how much joy it brings me that you have tolerated and still are tolerating my nonsense. You have endured so much of my bullshit, all those most funny jokes you've ever heard in your life. Can't say if I'm ever going to stop sending them but I'll try to make them bearable for you. You know you're just like a chipmunk; veryy annoying but kinda (in a veryyy small amount) cute. You are that random stranger that came into my life and very unexpectedly became my good friend.

Alvin the chipmunk, keep up the good work!!❤️🎀

[lesbiandanhowell]

Dan and Phil Appreciation Week

Day 6 - Favourite Solo Video(s)

Dan -

Let's be honest, it was always going to be Basically I'm Gay.

This video changed my life and deeply impacted me even when I didn't actively watch their videos. Even now, 4 years later this video does so much for me every time I rewatch it and gives me a new perspective on everything Dan touches upon. I tried writing an essay on this video before and it got so personal I felt unable to share it within anyone, because this video and everything it talks about hits very deep for me. I appreciate Dan's ability to tell his own story while also considering the wider implications of being queer and the skill with which Dan navigates these important and sensitive topics.

My second video pick has to be Why I Quit YouTube, because I appreciate the bravery with which Dan made this video, because it is such an honest and important video. Sharing his struggles and hardships as a call out for the injustice he suffered is something I have immense respect for and I really think it is a highly underappreciated video. Literally calling YouTube out for their bullshit and their exploitation of creators on the platform itself was long overdue and Dan being the one to do it made it all the better. I really hope we will one day get all the projects he's dreamed of creating because his mind is fascinating and he has so much creativity that just wants to be shared with the world.

Phil -

All of the Sleepless Night with Phil videos are just, endlessly hilarious to me. I don't have profound things to say about them like I do about Dan's videos, but these videos bring me so much joy and feel like genuinely just hanging out with your friend with insomnia. He talks about the most random things in these videos and yes they are so very fake in some ways, but somehow that makes it so much better? It's like a little stage play and I am the sole audience and I am thoroughly enjoying it.

[cuffmeinblack]

Alright I'm sick of the vagueposting because apparently some of you can't talk about how they really feel to people. You know, like adults.

First point. If you actually think I purposely plagiarised a fic idea, honestly just block me and fuck off so I never have to see you again. I've put far too much mental and emotional energy into this fandom to be disrespected like that, especially to then have my character attacked in such a ironically sly way on a public forum. Coming from people who have previously admonished others for vagueposting, that's pretty fucking hypocritical. I don't care enough to try to fix any sort of relationship I had with the person, since they made it pretty clear what they thought of me.

I'm a generally good person and I'm not going to let some random on the internet tell me otherwise.

In the interest of clearing up the plagiarism allegation whatever the fuck that's about, I'll say that I've never actually read the so-called plagiarised fic, and barely interacted with any public posts about it's conception. I actually do not want to, especially since I have many, many ideas and headcanons for Azkaban and HP/HL in general having been a Wizarding World fan for literally most of my life and that's what I'm interested in writing about. I don't tend to crowdsource my ideas and rarely post about what I'm writing about. As far as I can tell the only crossover is Azkaban and a degree of angst, and if that's actually it then you need to re-evaluate why the hell you're even in a fandom.

Amazingly since we're drawing on common source material there will no doubt be overlap. I'm also not going to wait months for the other fic to be finished because...why? It's not a fucking competition. If you must know, mine was loosely based on an idea I had for Garrinis which also involved Azkaban and a dark MC, which I had last Summer.

There's been so much drama in this fandom lately it's quite honestly ridiculous, and nobody seems to be able to talk to anyone else without public bashing. If you don't like what someone else is doing or saying, shutup and move on or talk to them. An incredible concept, I know. I had a disagreement a couple of weeks ago, I talked to the person, and we're totally fine and she's one of my favourite people in this fandom.

I'm aware this post might just crash and burn my reputation as much as the bullshit allegations but you know what I do not care anymore. Yes I'm aware that I'm not exactly helping with this post but my god I'm just angry and some things just need saying. I don't make a habit of doing stuff like this and am generally quite nonconfrontational.

Sometimes I do wonder why I'm still here and have concluded that it's probably a sunk cost fallacy, yet I'm here because I'm stubborn and despite all this shit I still love the characters enough to want to tell stories about them. Writing brings (brought) me a lot of joy, and I've finally decided to try doing it 'properly' but my god this toxicity needs to stop because this is exactly what stifles creativity, drives people away and kills fandoms.

[hartwinorlose]

this is going to be an extremely negative review about furiosa

if you liked it, i am so happy that you got something from it, but i nearly cried tears of anger and frustration. i know that's a bit of an overreaction but mad max: fury road got me back into writing fanfiction, it got me into action movies, and it made me more interested in cinema as a medium

all that to say

i not only disliked this movie, i actively hated it, and i think it brings the franchise down. i'm going to indiscriminately get into spoilers but, like... please save yourself the money and don't watch this movie

first off, i was not jazzed for anya taylor joy when i first found out about the casting and yeah. she didn't sell me on furiosa. she doesn't look like her, sound like her, or bring anything to the role at all. this was severe miscasting, and i hate to think it was just because she's hollywood's hot commodity at the moment, but i can't think of another reason. (on a separate note, chris hemsworth was the one bright spot in this movie imo - he was actually really good)

the editing and cinematography had some good moments but was overall off-putting. instead of being spellbound by the whole movie like i was with fury road, i marked a few shots that were stellar

i HATED the plot. i cannot FATHOM why you would center this movie around some random guy who actually makes immortan joe look like a hero??? after watching this, i actually cannot understand why furiosa stole the wives from him. he respected her opinions, saved her from the guy she centered her whole life around hating, and just in general did not do anything to convince me that furiosa would hate him. i fucking hate this. why would you do this, george miller

i don't like jack. i don't know him. i don't buy that furiosa would tell him where the green place is because SHE DOESN'T KNOW HIM EITHER. WHY ARE ALL THESE RANDOM GUYS INFATUATED WITH FURIOSA. STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT

like seriously, rictus, immortan joe, jack, fucking chris hemsworth's character whose name i am too upset to remember - they all just take one look at furiosa and go ride-or-die for her and i DON'T UNDERSTAND

we don't see her with the wives. we don't see furiosa with the wives. i don't understand why she was so loyal to them. i wanted to see her build a relationship with them, goddammit, that is the part of furiosa's backstory i CARED ABOUT

the fact that she used the fucking peach pit on this NOBODY of a man and didn't save it to rebuild the green place. she planted it in the citadel, a place she ostensibly hated and didn't realize she would be returning to. she used the peach pit her mother gave her in the home of who we're supposed to be her biggest enemy to get revenge on a dude who doesn't fucking matter in the scheme of her life. look how they massacred my girl. furiosa, sweetie, i'm so, so sorry everything in this movie centered around a goddamn MAN

i mean, they basically fridged her mother. this is every "dead wife as motivation for revenge story," it's just a mom this time. what the fuck, that's so fucking shallow. you really couldn't come up with anything better. no one pitched ANYTHING better??? bullshit

[davekat-sucks]

The homestuck cafe's menu just reminded me of a great 4/13 story I have! I want to share it for people to read! For one 4/13 that I celebrated, I had a friend who held a party at her house and made a bunch of shots themed for all the trolls, beta kids, alpha kids and the antagonists. The colors of each drink were on point. I made 30 rice krispies treats that were shaped and colored with food dye to look like casey and they were MASSIVE. I brought gushers too! Candy corn?! You think we wouldn't have that shit!?!?! I believe it was the 9th anniversary, no epilogue yet.

We rewatched all the major flashes and only about three of us there actually read the whole story, three read a good chunk of it. We cosplayed too. I was Roxy. Most people who came had no idea what homestuck was and they just talked and drank in the kitchen where the drinks were. Must have been about 20 other people there just watching a few of us cheer and yell at a screen in the living room. Make her pay is my favorite flash, I always get so fucking into it. Make that 8itch pay. We did the whole How Do I Live bit like it was karaoke. The part where Jade enters the game, what a song! Fucking sunsetter played at some point, jamming out to that shit! My favorite! At Cascade I was pointing like crazy at how Sollux sacrificed himself for some ungrateful pieces of shit who don't give a fuck about how he just melted his brains! When Jake died protecting Jane in game over, I was so drunk that I screamed "SHE WOULDN'T DO THE SAME FOR YOOOOU!" My other friend had her meltdown when Tavros was killed "HOW DARE SHE!?" And Collide, what a high! what a let down! GO JAKE KICK ASS! EAT COOKIES! GO KARKAT DO SOMETHING! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!! WHOOOOA! Everyone was screaming for Dad! I was the one screaming shit like "DECAPITATE YOUR BROTHER DAVE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" Gamzee is in the fridge and I'm like "BURN IN HELL!" Gotta get a lighter out for when it shows all the beta kids and their homes! Someone is out here yelling "DAVE MARRY ME!" LORD ENGLISH IS STILL ALIVE YOU DIDN'T KILL HIM!!!! DAVE GET YOUR ASS IN THERE AND FIGHT!

I really wish I could have known what it was like to see things from their perspective! What they imagine Homestuck is actually about from that experience. It really must have been like that tiktok. The epic. mac game commentary where a guy is commenting on random objects like a unicorn and someone signing a CD with a pen. We were screaming over good music, digital collages and a story they can't hope to make sense of. No one ever tried to explain anything. It was pure chaos! Homestuck having bullshit moments just to anger people and bring them joy in the form of videos is what we loved about this stupid story! I still love it!

I would feel embarrassed I got so crunk over Homestuck infront of people who were strangers to me but it was their choice to come. They were warned that the experience would be like a fever dream and they came for that! They got to watch a few friends from high school get the band back together then get drunk and high on life! They got to watch people love and hate every single thing happening on screen and yell like we were watching the big game! They got to watch idiots celebrate the best and shittiest webcomic that ever existed! If that is their only experience with homestuck, more power to them.

[weepingfromacedartree]

totally random reminder that most people who create dedicated "hate" accounts do so with the sole purpose of farming outrage and sowing seeds of discontent within fandoms. instead of feeding into that bullshit, I recommend using tumblr's block function liberally and engaging with blogs who actually want to bring joy to other fans.

speaking of bullshit... here's another excerpt from my WIP for anyone interested

tw: fife 🤮

Chapter 2: Meeting Each Other’s Friends

His grin falters. Slightly. 

“What does it say?” Penelope asks tentatively. Although she argued that this whole idea was stupid from the start, a little part of her is disappointed that it could be over so soon. If nothing else, arguing with Colin is usually her favourite part of these stupid little games. “Something we never managed to cover in our twenty years of friendship?” 

“Nope,” he says, eyes still locked on the screen before him. “It’s something we’ve done many times before. With varying degrees of success.” 

“What?” she asks when he does not immediately offer up any more information. 

He clears his throat before reading. 

“Number Two: Meeting Each Other’s Friends. Before you and your significant other get married, it is imperative that you get to know each other's friends. Friendships are an essential aspect of any person’s life. Knowing what sorts of people your significant other is close with is an important step in starting your life together."

“Well… I believe you’ve met my friend Eloise before, so —”

“I have met plenty of your friends, all of whom have been kind and lovely. Just like anyone would expect from a kind and lovely person such as yourself. Clearly Eloise — and perhaps also myself — is an outlier.” 

“Hey, that’s not —”

“I believe ‘meeting each other’s friends’ has only ever been an issue when my ‘friends’ were involved.”

Penelope bites her lip. 

“It was really just that one time.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Twelve Years Earlier: August 27th, 2011

Relationship Status: Friends

꙳

“Remind me why we’re doing this again.” 

“To act like irresponsible teenagers whose sole purpose in life is to get plastered and party.” 

“That doesn’t sound like us.”

“Exactly. That’s why I said ‘act like.’”

Penelope has always been a good bullshitter. Since she was a child, she’s had an innate talent of bending the truth on a dime. It comes naturally to her; bullshit falls from her lips before she even has a chance to think it through. She never does it for fun (she isn’t a pathological liar), that filter is just built inside of her. There are certain truths that she simply can never say aloud, so her mind grew adept at talking around them. 

The truth: Colin had invited her to this party, and if there is one talent that Penelope does not possess, it is saying no to Colin Bridgerton. 

Another talent Penelope does not possess is walking into any type of social event by herself. Even at family gatherings — Featherington or Bridgerton — Penelope always found herself clinging on to someone else. Usually Eloise. Sometimes Colin. Sometimes Prudence or Philipa, if she was really desperate. 

Despite his invitation, Penelope knows she will not see much of Colin tonight. That this party will be filled with a ton of his Eton friends. That she will not be able to cling onto him all night — and that she absolutely shouldn’t.

That is how Eloise Bridgerton found herself being dragged towards her worst nightmare: a house party filled to the literal rooftop with  loud, obnoxious teenagers. 

“This isn’t Skins, Pen. This is gonna suck.” 

“It’ll be fun.” Bullshit.  

“So fun!” Eloise mocks. “Why not continue the fun tomorrow and go shopping with your mother. I heard Primark has a sale on yellow dresses.”

When Penelope forces out a laugh, Eloise pulls her in even closer. 

“Seriously, Pen. You owe me for —”

“Let’s see how the other side lives for a little while. If it is truly tortuous, we can leave and go get some chips. You know… how we usually spend our Saturday nights.”

The offer does not smooth over any of the sourness present on Eloise’s face. 

“You say that like there is something wrong with chips. There is absolutely nothing wrong with chips. Chips have never belched in my face or spilled a pint down the front of my shirt.” 

At this point, Penelope genuinely does not know whether to protest, laugh, or agree with her friend. After a moment, she decides on the first option.

“What are you talking about? You’ve never even been to a party like this.” 

Eloise gulps. Her eyes flash wide, like she’s just been caught in a lie. 

“Well… no. But I’ve seen Skins and —”

“Oh, for God’s sake El.” 

Penelope extricates Eloise’s phone from where it sat gripped between her best friend's fingers. After typing in the four-digit passcode, she clicks on the little clock icon.

10:09 PM.

“What are you —”

“I’m setting a timer for 20 minutes. If you’re not having fun when the alarm goes off, we’ll leave and get chips.” 

“Fine,” Eloise grumbles, grabbing her phone back from Penelope. “You got a deal, Featherington.” 

At 10:10 PM, Eloise and Penelope step foot into their first house party. 

꙳ ꙳ ꙳

Fife’s house smells like piss. That’s the only thing on Colin’s mind as he continues conversing with his “friends.” They’re talking about the girls they’re dying to chase after at uni this fall, meanwhile, Colin’s thinking about how rancid this room smells. Between the stench, topic of conversation, and the idiots leading said discussion — it’s truly a miracle that he’s able to keep his ever-charming smile plastered on his face. 

“Excited for the birds up at Cambridge, Bridgerton?” Fife asks, his usual shit-eating grin plastered on his own face. 

“Hmm? Oh — yeah. Sure.”

“No longer interested in the ladies, Col?” his “friend” Dave chimes in. 

“For all his money and looks, he never had much luck with them in the first place, did he?” taunts his “friend” Zach. 

“Are you calling me pretty?” Colin shoots back, his usual smile starting to ache at the corners of his lips. “Flattered, truly.” 

Thankfully, the conversation quickly gets redirected to one of Fife’s reliably embellished stories about a girl he picked up at a pub last week. The commentary is just mind-numbing enough for Colin to mentally check out of it completely, his smile finally dropping as he glances around the party. 

It’s 10:11. The party just started, but the den is already packed with people. He recognizes most of their faces from Eton or just from his entire life living in Mayfair. None of them he has any particular interest in saying hi to. There’s really only one person he wishes to say hi to, and although she’s usually rather easy to spot, he doesn’t see her anywhere. 

Accepting defeat, Colin turns his gaze back to the men standing around him. Fife’s moved onto another story. Some bullshit about spending 20 minutes in a broom closet with some girl from Windsor.

Once again, Colin’s mind is adrift. 

Fife’s father is a member of Parliament. Why does his den smell like piss? 

꙳ ꙳ ꙳

Penelope checks her phone. 

10:29

Somewhere in this massive estate, her best friend’s phone is blaring an alarm, asking her if she’s having fun or not. Penelope has no idea what the answer is, because within 20 minutes of stepping foot into the party, she managed to lose Eloise. She also failed to find Colin during that time, but that matter is not as pressing at the moment. 

She steps out to Fife’s back garden, hoping to have better luck finding Eloise in the fresh air than in the crowded interior that, frankly, smells like someone pissed on the walls before the party started. Unfortunately, the garden isn’t any less cramped. 

Penelope pays special attention to where her feet step in the crowd, careful not to be crushed by the other teens dancing, making out, and throwing back shots around her. This sort of manoeuvring isn't anything she's not already used to — when you’re as short as she is, you need to learn how to get out of other people’s way. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is when you’re the one who always ends up crushed. 

Just when she is about to give up and look for Eloise inside again, Penelope makes an unusual misstep. She accidentally slams chest-first into someone’s backside. Someone tall. 

“Oh, hello,” he says, turning around. “That’s certainly one way to get a man’s attention.”

“Sorry, I —” 

It’s Fife, she belatedly realises. She’s never spoken to him before. She’s seen him from afar a few times, but nowhere near this close. Despite them being friends since grade school, Colin never brought Fife — or any of his other school friends — around his house. Penelope always found that odd; she’s a friend of the Bridgertons and spends more time at their home than her own. 

“I —” she says again. She tries to think of something logical to say. She also tries to step away from him so her breasts are not literally squished against his abdomen. But unfortunately, the crowd behind her does not grant her enough space to do so. 

Thankfully, someone else speaks before she can stutter out another mindless syllable. 

“Hey! Back off Fife.” 

It’s Colin. She knows it before she even has the chance to look up. Somehow, she knew it before he said a single word. 

He positions his body between her and Fife, creating space that wasn’t there just a second ago. 

“Woah, mate! She bumped into —” Fife starts. 

“It was my fau—” Penelope starts. 

“Yeah, yeah. I think I’ve heard that one before. Never your fault, is it Fife?” Colin interrupts. His tone confuses Penelope. She can’t tell if he’s teasing Fife, or legitimately wants to punch him in the face. 

“Colin, really, it was my —” she starts again. This time, someone new cuts her off. Another guy, standing close behind Colin. 

“Do you know this chick, Bridgerton? Or do you simply enjoy saving random girls from becoming Fife’s next vi—”

“This is Penelope, my friend,” Colin cuts in, that confusing tone not letting up. Suddenly, he slings an arm around her shoulder, his hand gripping her skin. She suddenly questions whether or not this tank top was a good choice for the evening. “Pen, this is —” He starts pointing to each of the men now forming a circle around them. “Dave. Fife. Josh. Michael. Zach.” 

As Colin makes the rather curt introductions, each of the five men nod, smirk, and/or unblinkingly stare at Penelope’s chest in response. She feels a nervous blush creep up her cheeks as she says: “Lovely to meet you al—”

“No need for flattery, Pen,” Colin cuts in again. “Even these lot are self-aware enough to know they’re shit.” 

Michael snorts. Penelope gasps. Fife starts making a joke. Colin’s hand moves from Penelope’s right shoulder to her left elbow. He pulls her away before Fife can reach the punchline. 

“Sorry about them,” he tells her once his friends are out of ear-shot. “They’re —” He groans. He drops his hand from her skin and briskly runs it through his hair. “They’re fucking arseholes.” 

“They weren’t that ba—” 

“When did you get here by the way?” he interrupts, his usual light-hearted tone making a reappearance quickly. Almost alarmingly so. “I was looking for you.”

“You — you were?” The words slip out before she has the chance to stop them. 

Logically, such a statement shouldn’t be so surprising. They’ve been friends forever. He literally invited her to this party. But still… A part of Penelope cannot help but be surprised that Colin Bridgerton would specifically seek her out in such a crowded group of people. 

“Of course,” he says nonchalantly. Then, he raises his eyebrows, reminding her that he had asked a question. 

“Oh! Uh —” She looks down at her phone. 

10:36

Shit.

“About a half hour.” She lets out a quick, nervous laugh. “Have you seen El? I lost her rather quickly, it seems. And I kinda promised her we would be gone by now if she wasn’t having any fun.” 

Colin scowls, then turns his gaze from Penelope to the rest of the party. She wonders what it would be like to have an entire extra foot of height when Colin announces that he’s spotted her in under 30 seconds. He chuckles. 

“Well, I don’t think you need to leave quite yet.” 

She follows his gaze and finally spots Eloise. 

Colin was right — she looks absolutely giddy. On the other side of the garden, she and Theo — a boy Eloise met through an internship at Danbury’s publishing house last summer and has had a massive crush on ever since — are sitting together on a park bench. Closely. Then, even closer. Then —

“Yeah, I don’t need to see that,” Colin grumbles from beside Penelope. His hand finds her elbow once more. “Let’s go.” 

꙳ ꙳ ꙳

“Are you sure this is… safe?” 

“Live a little, Featherington.” 

After climbing through the window himself, Colin extends his hand for Penelope to take. Begrudgingly, she takes it.

They sit on the north side of the roof, facing the street. The party and its noise linger in the background behind them. After flicking the cap off into the night sky using his car keys, Colin hands her one of the beers he had stashed under his arm on the way up here. It tastes like liquified grass, but Penelope tries not to grimace when she takes a swig. Thankfully, Colin is looking up at the stars; he doesn’t see her nose crinkle as the beer slides down her throat. 

“Beautiful night,” he muses, eyes turning back to her. 

She looks up, towards the moon. It’s barely a sliver in the sky. 

“Yeah. It really is.”

It’s quiet for a moment, save for the music and shrieking teenagers distant behind them. Penelope likes the quiet — she always has. Her entire life, it had been a cover. A cushion. A comfort. With Colin, it’s always a comfort. When she’s with him, she never feels the need to fill the air with noise for no other reason than to fill the quiet.

Colin is usually more willing to fill it. 

“Sorry, again, about Fife and those other dickheads.” 

“Colin, I told you. It’s —”

“‘It’s fine. They’re not that bad,’” he dramatically mimics. “Yeah I know… But speaking from the perspective of someone who actually knows them, they are shit and should be regarded as such.” 

Penelope could continue brushing all of that shit to the side, but she doesn’t. Even if bumping into Fife was her fault, she didn’t like the way he looked down at her in the moment after. She didn’t like how he didn’t step away until Colin forced him to, when he surely could have done so on his own. And she didn’t like the way all five of them looked at her when Colin officially introduced her — like her tits were more interesting than anything he could have been saying about her. 

Instead of brushing it off, she simply asks: “If they’re such shit, why are you friends with them?” Her own tone confuses her. 

Colin grimaces, then takes a swig of his beer. 

“Good question.”

He goes quiet again. When Penelope presumes that he is finished speaking, she opens her mouth again. 

“I —”

“Maybe I’ve outgrown them.” Swig. “Or maybe it’s just that I’m shit too.”

Penelope laughs lightly, praying that tiny breath of air will help lighten Colin’s mood. 

“The former, I think.” 

“I think you give me too much credit.” 

Penelope doesn’t respond to that. She doesn’t know how. Her entire life, Colin has been like a light shining into her darkness — how could claiming he's "not shit" be giving him too much credit?

Penelope doesn’t know how to respond to that. So instead, she asks: “Are they also attending Cambridge?” 

“Not all of ‘em.” Swig. “Michael’s off to Edinburgh next week. Dave and Zach are both staying here for Imperial.” Swig. “Josh will be up at Cambridge with me, but he’s not so bad, I guess. At least when he isn’t actively under Fife’s thumb.”

“And Fife?” she questions. “Where is he going?”

Colin groans. He looks like he’s about to raise the bottle to his lips again, but doesn’t. 

“Fife was admitted to Cambridge, but deferring a year to ‘go find himself.’ Hopefully, he finds himself at King’s College when he’s finished.”

“What’s Fife’s real name, by the way?” Penelope asks, unsure of what else to say. “Why does everyone just call him by his surname?” 

For the first time all night, Colin laughs. 

“Oh — uh. Cornelius. Cornelius Fife.” 

Penelope snorts despite herself. 

“Oh God, that’s bad. Perhaps even worse than ‘Penelope Featherington.’”

“What’s wrong with ‘Penelope Featherington?’” Colin asks, earnestly. 

“Uhhh,” she stalls, hoping the night sky will hide the blush currently warming her cheeks. “A bit of a mouthful I guess. At least ‘Corn-eel-ee-us-Fife,” she punctuates each beat with one of her fingers, “is only five syllables.”

“I don’t know. I happen to quite like ‘Penelope Featherington.’”

She doesn’t know how to respond to that, either. 

She should be used to this by now — existing in such close proximity to charming Colin Bridgerton. She should know that his flirtatious words are just that — words. That just because his words tug at her heart does not mean there was any intention on his end to do so. That there is no real intention behind them (at least not when they’re directed at her). 

She should be used to this by now, but she’s not. Even now, her cheeks burn red as he unknowingly squeezes her heart. 

“You ready to leave London?” Colin asks, his voice breaking Penelope from her thoughts. 

Next week, she and Eloise are set to leave for Cheltenham to begin their Sixth Forms (along with Daphne, who will be finishing hers). Literally, she isn’t ready; she’s been procrastinating packing for weeks and will likely not do so until the night before she leaves. But in her heart, she’s been ready to leave home for the past two years, ever since Colin left for Eton. 

“Oh — yeah.” She takes another sip of her beer. It still tastes like grass. “I think so.”

“It’s nice that you and El will have each other there.” He chuckles quietly, eyes turning from the night sky back to Penelope. “With your good influence, maybe she’ll make it through an entire semester without being sent home.”

Penelope chuckles too, louder than Colin had a moment ago.

“Eloise will be fine, with or without me. She’s all talk.”

“Yeah. The ‘talk’ is exactly what I’m worried about. Also fist fighting, but at least she doesn’t have the balls to do that in the middle of class.” 

As much as she wants to defend her best friend further, Penelope holds her tongue. He has a point. Eloise seemed to make a hobby out of backtalking their maths teacher last term. 

“Really though,” he continues. “Leaving home is amazing, but it also kinda sucks. Having your best friend there with you… It’ll be good.” 

“Why does it suck?” Penelope asks. Little alarm bells ring off in the back of her mind. When Colin had first left for Eton, he had nothing but positive things to say about leaving home. 

He keeps quiet for a moment, seeming to search for the answer in the stars above them. 

“It’s different for everyone — it might not suck for you at all. But for me…” Swig. “Maybe it’s just because I was so used to living with seven siblings and an overprotective mum. But going from that to Eton so suddenly…” Swig. “Felt a bit isolating at first.”

The alarm bells continue to ring within Penelope. A bit louder now.

“Colin, I —” 

“It gets better, obviously. You adjust. It took me a while to be comfortable living without the people I lived with all my life, but eventually I did.” Swig. “Your friends really do help with that. Hopefully you can learn from me though, and cut them off when you eventually realise they’re all bloody arseholes.”

She waits until she thinks he’s finished to open her mouth again. But just as she does, he continues.

“Sorry, by the way.” His eyes truly look sorrowful when he finally meets her gaze again. “I didn’t mean to scare you or anything. I just thought, maybe it would have been good if someone had told me that before I left for Eton. Prepared me a bit.”

“You didn’t scare me,” she insists. “And I appreciate your candour, really.”

Colin opens his mouth again, looking like he’s about to say something else. She knows she should let him talk — allow him to alter the course of the conversation, if that’s what he wants. But Penelope also can’t ignore those goddamn alarm bells still ringing in her ears.

“You know you can tell me anything, right? Even if — hypothetically — it could scare me. I’m always here to listen. For anything.” 

For the briefest moment, something new passes on Colin’s face. Something in his eye looks different than anything she had seen there before. It almost looked desperate. But then it’s gone, his head turned away from her once more. Then, for the second time that night, Colin wraps his arm around Penelope’s shoulder. His hand dangles lazily off her shoulder. 

“Yeah. I know, Pen.” 

Penelope should be used to this by now. Colin is her friend. His touch is innocent, always. It doesn’t matter if her breath quickens when she feels his side settle against hers. It doesn’t matter if her skin feels hot beneath his fingertips. None of this matters to Colin — at least not in the way that it matters to her. 

She lasts about 25 seconds before squirming out of his hold. She scoots back a few inches and turns so her entire front faces him. “What’s the distance between Cheltenham and Cambridge again?” she asks, as if the exact mileage has not been burned into her brain for months. 

Colin grimaces. “200 kilometres. Give or take.” 

Penelope nods. Mayfair and Eton were only 35 kilometres apart. There were countless times over the last two years that, to Penelope, it felt as though Eton may as well have been located on the moon. 

“Chin up, Pen,” he says, face already starting to light up again. “It’s not the nineteenth century. We can always Skype.” 

“I know…” She raises her bottle, letting the glass rim rest against her lips. She can’t bring herself to take another sip, though. “Even then, I’ll still miss you.” 

“Well, obviously,” he says through a smirk. Penelope scoffs, hiding her own smile behind her hand. Charm and arrogance do tend to come hand and hand. 

“Col—”

“I’ll miss you, too. Obviously. But that’s no reason to prevent ourselves from reaching our full potentials. We owe it to the world, Pen. We can’t possibly be that selfish.” 

In the time that it takes Penelope to think of a single sensical response to his words, Colin goes to take another swig, comes up empty, then peers one eye into the bottle to confirm its lack. 

“I sup—”

“To Cheltenham,” Colin says, raising his bottle towards her. 

She smiles. Resisting the urge to remind him that toasting with an empty glass is bad luck, she clinks the butt of her bottle against his. Hers is still half-full. 

“To Cambridge.” 

The quiet returns. It sits between them for a while. Penelope likes it. She likes it all.

[ursaius]

Hi<3 I hope you had a good day:) smile<3 you look handsome when you do :)

Fun fact, did you know that Mako sharks are one of the few sharks that have five gills on them?:) I tend to enjoy sharks they’re one of my special interests !! One of my favorite sharks are mako sharks due to their quick and slim and sleek appearance they’re most like puppies and it brings me joy. I know it’s dorky but I love sharks and I love learning about them. Now I know this may seem random but I hope it makes you smile. Do you have any sharks that you like? Maybe I could offer up some fun facts? Anyways, I hope you get some rest tonight. I know it may be hard with everything that you’re dealing with. Just know that as time passes you’ll be able to move on, it’s not gonna be easy and it’s gonna be trail and error of learning how to trust again. Keep on shining like the bright constellation that you are <3 - Red Butch :] ! (P.S keep an eye out:) I’ll be dropping random fun facts every day!)

I love sharks 😌 my favorite is bullsharks. I had to dissect a dog shark once for a zoology class it was.... interesting. And no I did not know that about making sharks. I love animal facts so thank you this did make me smile. It's a nice break from all the Claudia bullshit. And thanks I'll probably be over this soon I recover quickly.

[m0rbidmacabre]

Soo… I’ve had a lot of new followers in the last few days; I thought a little introduction with a little bit more about who I am, dedicated to you guys would be fun!

Firstly, hello. Welcome. I am Morbid, and that is my real name incase you were wondering. I am 30+ and live in the north of the UK. I am a neurospicy individual who lives with disabilities. I am also a Wife and Mama (I don’t really talk about this side of my life online). I am a non-theistic Satanist, and I have been for a good few years, Satanism means a lot to me, and it gives me my will power to learn, to express and be my true self and the knowledge to be compassionate to others. I am very passionate about my faith.

Some of my hobbies include, writing fan fiction, horror, true crime and music. My hobbies are more than just hobbies to me. They are my creative outlet into being who I am, and I have a lot of passion and focus for these things. I could probably talk for hours about any of these subjects. Especially music, which was my first passion. I spend all day, every day with music in my ears and have done since I was around 13 years old. I also collect vinyls and have done for a few years now, it’s something else that brings me huge joy.

My favourite band is Ghost and has been since the release of opus eponymous back in 2011. At the time I was working within the music industry as a creative and I distinctly remember being sent this album by a friend telling me how much I would love them, and I haven’t looked back since! They are a huge comfort to me, and I’ve seen them live an insane number of times, but my favourite tour was probably the popestars tour. It was perfection. My favourite Papa is Secondo or the Cardinal. I can never fully pick just one. I see a lot of myself in both of them. I currently write fan fiction in the ghost fandom, which is probably why you are here! Which brings me joy. I have a very active imagination and I spend a lot if my spare time writing, and it makes me happy to be consistently doing something creative and it also gives me an escape. It can get dirty, and it can get steamy and well, I love that. And I hope you do too! If you ever have anything you want written, please ask.. Because more than likely I will put something together for you.

My inbox is always open to ghesties, even if you just want to chat random bullshit. 🖤

Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk and I hope you enjoyed learning a little about me. 😂

Here is a list of links to my most recent works:

One Night With Mary Goore

One For Eternity

The Cardinal & His Piccolo Amore

Senza Testa Terzo

you can find more in my masterlist - along with my kinktober 2023 works which, im sure you love will! ;)

[cloudninetonine]

Hi!! Ok so this might seem a bit nonsensical so if it is I’m sorry but I was just going through a 2000s club music rabbit hole and I stumbled upon that one Japanese water commercial that Beyoncé did (here’s the link):

https://youtu.be/I2w2cyCdZZA?si=zFzbVZz8S-w62qej

Idk why I just thought it was so funny cuz imagine if Player gave the chain mobile phones for some inexplicable reason and then sent this link to Legend with a bullshit caption like “this MIGHT be Koholintcore” and then he spams them back with a crazy amount of death threats or sumn. I have a feeling he’d be super creative with them. like. think Tupac dissing Wendy Williams-type vulgarity. and then Player would just. like… not read them (they actually do and then they and Wind wheeze about it together and then they pretend they didn’t read them just to screw with him). and then reply with gamepigeon 8-ball or sumn. Poor Legend’s head would probably explode. Lmao 💗. Idk why I thought of this but it just seems so in character and frankly I need more Player AU memes in my life. They add TANG‼️

Anyhoo! Just wanted to let you know that I LOVE your fic and can’t wait for the next update (no rushing at all tho like be kind to urself bestie) if you couldn’t tell I adore your player and I’m a good sucker for enemies to lovers so ofc your player/legend dynamic is badaboom for me. I can really feel that even though things are *relatively* chill now after that last chapter, it really feels like things are starting to ramp up in intrigue, and we’re only on chapter 14(I’m assuming there’s gonna be shittons more cuz you said on a different post there would be at least 20 or sumn more chapters). So exciting! ✨✨✨

THIS IS THE MOST RANDOM THING EVWR AND YOU BETTER YOUR FUCKING ARSE ITS PLAYCORE

Instead of replying with the pool game straight away, idea that Player just goes "I ain't reading all that shit." Then sends it NFMWNZN AAAAA

Also thank you so much! It always brings me joy knowing people like reading! Things are definitely ramping up now and I'm so excited to start putting my own twists and such for future endeavours Player's gonna have to go through.

[potatoes83]

Random...

And there goes another one from my email box, unsubscribed... Now, this is twofold. First, I am really trying to clear some clutter. I love the DIA (Detroit Institute of Arts, for those of you not from around here), but I don't find myself reading any of their emails. Doesn't mean I'm not gonna go get my Renaissance masters on at some point when I feel like so doing. But seriously, ask yourself, if you had a magazine arriving in your mailbox that you never read, how long would you keep that shit going, even though email is much easier to quickly delete. Simply put, if you're not using something... AND it brings you no joy (that's for the decorative items in your life), why are you keeping it around?

The second, of course, is the nature of the content, this pandering word salad for the month of June. Now, I'm gonna go ahead and just fast-forward to the perpetual strawman, "but straight cisgender artists are celebrated the other eleven months out of the year"... no. No they are not. ARTISTS are celebrated. When you have a Rembrandt exhibition, you are celebrating an artist. Not a "member of the white male heterosexual cisgender community", an artist. One of the grand masters of the Dutch golden age. We'll even push off the fact that we actively 'celebrate' black, female, and gay artists in certain respective months, but not white, male, or straight ones...

What it boils down to is a tragic dissolution of any kind of exceptionalism in favor of defining everything by a sexuality, gender, race, etc. Which, by the way, are some of the most catastrophically boring attributes to define someone by. I mean, look at the artist profile for the artmaking section, second one down, and skip the bullshit. "Jamie, a... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

...

...

... ... ... ...

...artist".

Skipping the bullshit. What does this tell me about him? His artistic accomplishments? His qualifications as an expert on the subject? Absolutely fucking nothing. Is he even in any way qualified, or is his sole claim to fame a bunch of word salad entirely unrelated to artistry? Yes, your personal life experience flavors your work, outlook, etc., it is a definite contributing factor... but we're not even playing that game here. We're just saying, in this case, he's a gay Korean indian, and that's good enough, and you're presumably a bigot if you disagree.

Call me crazy, I just think we can do better than defining somebody entirely by where their ancestors came from, what they have between their legs, and who/how they want to fuck or get fucked. I feel like there are a lot more compelling aspects of an individual that we can work with than those. 🥔

[deliriumsdelight7]

For the year in review asks…7 and 30? 💖

Thanks for the asks!

7. What character(s) captured your heart?

For this year, I have to go with both Barb and Billy. Barb was easy; from my teens to my mid twenties, I WAS her. The chubby, nerdy friend who’s often overlooked or forgotten. It’s been a joy bringing her to life and giving her happiness in fics. Billy was trickier; a lot of his behavior reminds me of my own abuser. But we only see him during two of the worst weeks of his life. He’s also very much a product of the environment he’s being raised in. Does it excuse his actions? No. But if I can want happiness for a character like Rumplestiltskin, who did far worse, then I can want Billy to grow past his bullshit.

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

I think this year is going to be the one when I do a half-assed “rewrite” of Stranger Things that’s basically just a bunch of random scenes kludged together to be kinder to the characters we’ve already grown to love. Featured ships will be Hellcheer, Stali, and Barbgrove, with LOTS of weird minor ships.

I also want to look into editing one of my WIPs to be something I could get published. I probably won’t start querying until late next year, but I’m prioritizing finishing this WIP so I can start edits in the next few months.

[borom1r]

hey! you asked people to ask about boromir– I can't think of a good question at the moment so I'll just ask a random and kind of stupid one. in your opinion do you think boromir really wanted the ring to help gondor or do you think he had more malicious intentions?

people asking about favs is the best, and I love lotr, stay cool and have a great day!!

ooooo ok ok my gut instinct is to be like ‘well of COURSE he just wanted the ring to help Gondor’ bc that is my Guy, but actually that’s such a good question

bc on one hand ultimately it doesn’t really matter? whatever the core desire started as, the ring can + will absolutely corrupt it into malice. like I can say all day long that yea he only wanted it to help Gondor, but this is The One Ring(tm) and there is no world where he gets ahold of it and “helping Gondor” looks anything like an uncorrupted Boromir would actually want

and on the other hand, while I DO think bringing aid to Gondor IS the core of his desire, I think there are 100% other layers of lesser, more selfish desires wrapped up around that. Doubt about and distance from Aragorn breeding a lack of trust (and the tragedy of Boromir trying to close that gap at a time where Aragorn is absolutely not ready to hear “hey come to Gondor you’ll LOVE Gondor pleaseee please come back to Gondor with me”); almost certainly (and this is movie-specific, extrapolating from the fact Boromir specifies “Ranger” instead of just going “who the hell are you” to Aragorn in council) *some* jealousy towards Faramir— and to this point I’d argue it’s almost wholly manufactured by the ring, and likely more an extension of his jealousy towards Aragorn, Scruffy Ranger Heir than the other way around.

(Meaning it’s probably born from some melancholic pride than genuine envy; Faramir gets the brunt of Denethor’s judgement, undeniably, but as the younger son with less expectations he also has room to pursue his passions Boromir does not. Boromir, uncorrupted, would absolutely be proud to see his brother captaining the rangers, to see him ABLE to be a “wizard’s pupil” and study things that bring him joy— even at the recognition that he himself will never have that space to be anything beyond a soldier.)

And also, ultimately, from weariness. Boromir is clearly most himself when 1) the ring is hidden or otherwise away (his fumbling first meeting with Aragorn, practicing swordplay with Merry and Pippin) or 2) they are in some genuine sanctuary (him urging Aragorn to come to Gondor in Lothlórien— and even there he looks Obviously Haunted).

So while ultimately I do think it started as a genuine desire to bring aid + see Gondor safe, I think the Ring, being an actively malicious accursed object, is also great at going “hey think of this thing. now feel shitty about it. if you stole me we could fix that” — and wrapping that genuine core in layers of half-truths and bullshit until it is unrecognizable and twisted to the ring/Sauron’s benefit