#read a post again by an ace person talking about their first queer relationship & how they thought their partner accepted them

[rovermcfly]

I really wish that "asexuals don't have to want sex but lot of them will still have it with their partner!" wasn't centered in like every asexuality acceptance post. I think it's genuinely damaging to asexuals and their relationships. A lot of us don't want sex. A lot of us are sex repulsed. A lot of us don't even wanna talk or hear about sex. A lot of us don't enjoy porn or wanna "hand out drinks at the orgy". Some of us have sexual-related trauma. Some of us are sex repulsed, not 💖✨sex repulsed but actually really cool about it✨💖

Allos are out here getting into relationships with aces and then pull a pikachu-surprise-face when their partner doesn't wanna have sex with them bc everyone constantly emphasises says how we totally will do it for them. Some of us won't. That's okay. That doesn't constantly need to be followed up with "but a lot of aces will so don't worry!!!!!" We don't have to make every post about us in a way that makes allos comfortable. It's not necessary to reassure allos at every turn that we're not all that asexual and they don't have to worry about us being different in a way they might notice. Allos need to accept and internalise that some people aren't gonna want to have sex. No terms and conditions. No "unless" "but" or "except". Just none.

[bluedalahorse]

Complicated queer media feelings beneath the cut…

Is anyone else feeling… I dunno… complicated about the part where we have Heartstopper, Red White and Royal Blue, and likely more YRS3 promo happening all in the same month?

I find a kind of enjoyment in each of these, so on one hand, I’m happy about it! (YR is my dearest fandom love right now about which I have many deep feelings, Heartstopper brings me joy and is what I’d watch with my middle school kids if I had kids, and RWRB is more on the “fun popcorn media” side of things for me but also has a lot of government humor that I laugh at as a person living in DC who gets subjected to motorcades etc.)

And I also think it’s awesome that queer rep has come a long way since when I was in high school, and there was only kinda Will and Grace and Willow on Buffy and you barely heard about some kids watching Queer as Folk if they were lucky enough to have HBO and parents who weren’t weird about it.

And and at the same time I know I’m going to be looking at my dash like, huh, that is a lot of mlm romance kissing between photogenic cis men.

Which. Again. Is progress? But also I’m a not-skinny aroace homosocial queer who is very interested in the stories of women and nonbinary people as well, and stories about friendship as well as relationships that reject traditional definitions. I want sweet romantic moments in my stories and decent makeout scenes but I also want stories about how queerness can challenge capitalism and hegemony and how we can create new families of choice and so on.

And for some of the texts I’m talking about, the canon definitely delivers? Things feel balanced? YR explores the class system with so much skill, and makes me ask powerful questions about justice and identity and such. It also has incredible female characters, including Sara as B Plot Protagonist driving a significant part of the story. (I wish I could find more fanfic from female characters’ POVs. I wish there were just as many “can’t wait until they get their happy endgame” posts about the Sara-Felice friendship as there were about the Wilmon romance, and I adore the Wilmon romance. I just love everything else about the show alongside it, and sometimes I find myself desperately craving discussion about the other aspects of the show while not knowing how to find ways of engaging about it.)

Heartstopper—I love how a multiqueer friends group is so centered in the story. Nick and Charlie are the main characters but Charlie’s friendship with Tao matters as much in the first season as his romance with Nick. I love how the show chose to have Elle carry a significant subplot in season 1 (although they could do better with that) and I am hopeful that we’ll get an ace discovery story for Isaac in season 2 and I’m looking forward to seeing more Imogen and we get a new disabled character and we’ll also get Tara and Darcy being Tara and Darcy! I don’t really follow people for Heartstopper necessarily, because it’s not really something I analyze or write fic for, but, you know, there’s a lot of it that goes around and I have generally positive feelings about it. I’m curious about what parts of the show and what characters people will choose to focus on.

RWRB… well, it’s been a long time since I’ve read the book, but I’m sort of holding off on comments until I see what’s different between the book and the movie.

Long story short I think I’m going to feel great about these various mlm pairings individually, because they’re all distinct personalities with stories and such, but I’m going to be feeling kind of weird and overwhelmed about the attention and gif visibility and squeeing that mlm romances between photogenic cis men get in aggregate.

But also also. Maybe that’s on me for not being into something like Yellowjackets fandom or not spending more time browsing the tag for XO Kitty. So the problem could also be me. I mean who knowsss?????

[dead-dog-dont-eat]

content/to warn: acephobia, queer exclusionism, and usage of outdated terms along with bigotry (click below to read more)

Hello, everyone! I know that this is very sudden, but I PLEASE urge you to read this of a certain user here on tumblr. This has been bothering me and kinda triggering for a while, so this needs to be said. I also went and did my first try on using image descriptions in ALT for the images I am about to show you so I tried my best.

During Pride Month a while ago, I posted one of my headcanons that features one of the characters, Millie from Helluva Boss, to be a heteroromantic sex-positive asexual woman. Though, as the post was there, it has caught attention to a tumblr user, @/starry-cow, and they replied to this:

Listen, I respect those who have different opinions on a character they like, but if you're going to be disrespectful, then just don't say it(?). So I went and replied to try and defend my headcanon; please note that when I was trying to define being sex-positive, I might've worded incorrectly a bit so I apologize.

If you know me, you would probably know that I am demisexual, which is a label under the ace umbrella. I am also under the aro umbrella, making me aroace. Plus I'm a nonbinary trans boy who is polyamorous with my attraction towards women/fem-aligned|presenting individuals is queer. Though, not everyone thinks that as they replied once again:

This is VERY outdated, and it invalidates me as an ace-spec person who is both sex-positive and sex-favorable. I have talked to another aro/ace person about this and it (<- one of zer pronouns) said that this was merely more then talking over to someone who is ace and saying that every asexual/ace-spec person is indifferent. Not to mention that they brought up exclus saying that "lesbians can't date men" when there are masc-aligned/presenting/multigendered individuals who use that label. I find it ironic that they brought up on how lesbians cannot be attracted to men when in, my headcanon post, it included of Blitzø being a pan gay (being both pansexual AND gay). So I also replied once more. Trying to educate them along with asking if they were asexual as well.

I am a transgender boy whose considered to be multigender and also at the same time not--my attraction to women is both straight AND queer. Even though my attraction is equivalent to me being a transhet, I still identify with the lesbian label because I still have ties with it and don't want to let go of the label itself and consider myself multi-spec because of my attraction to nonbinary people and also my platonic relationship with binary/cisgender men. And it was also my confirmation that the person is not asexual (greatly assuming allosexual) because they avoided my question on if they're ace or not.

I refused to respond, and afterwards they post this on their account because I was checking if they mentioned they were ace.

This is very bigoted in many ways. While they say that they support he/him lesbians, but yet they do not support masc/men-aligned + presenting lesbians. Because there ARE lesbians who look like men and/or are men. I am one of them; I am a futch, butch-leaning masc-alinged/presenting transfemasc enby boy. I blocked them. And after getting curious, I found that they replied to an anon ask:

They have openly admitted on not caring if they are a queer exclusionist along with using outdated terms that were ALSO used by exclusionists/TERFs. The replies are not there anymore because after I blocked them, the replies disappeared so I am glad to screenshot them.

On other notes, I should've said in the beginning that the person goes by the name of Beth and uses they/them pronouns. I have looked at their bio and pinned post and there was nothing said about them being ace. I am sick and tired of people making me feel bad because I am ace-spec and sex-positive along with my gender and how it affects my attraction and labels being "problematic/can't exist" when they have been around since forever.

[starsarefire824]

Heeey moot! Just woke up! Even though I'm late, I just wanted to say that you deserve to write whatever tf you want and I'm sorry some peeps were harassing you about The Pact. I don't think folks know how hard it is to not only write, but then to post it for others to see. So, for them to criticize you when it's just a fun fic that they can ignore or filter out (tags on ao3 are meant to be used geez) its wild to me. You're doing something very unique with the characters and including a lot of different subgroups of the queer community splendidly while keeping them flawed like real teens - all in 1 fic. As a demi ace myself, I was so happy to see you incorporate that in your fic respectively and a lot of my queer Sex Ed came from detailed, researched fics bc even though my parents and school system talked to me about sex, there was nothing for the queer kids, let alone ace kids to get guidance on. So, for fic readers/writers like me, using fics to explore sexuality was a godsend.

Can't help but also think it's the biphobia kicking in again, specifically for characters like Mike. No one has a problem hc Max as bi even though it seems like lumax is clearly endgame over elmax or elumax, but when it comes to Mike being bi it's like the world is ending despite it clearly being byler endgame. I personally ship all hcs of Mike's sexuality cuz only Robin and Will have been confirmed queer. Everyone else in ST to me is undisclosed until stated straight or queer. But again that's me.

Also love your poly rep cuz my sib is poly and so were some of my grandma's cousins from 1950s-now. So, again, all or most sexualities explored in fics is a must, regardless if you ship it. I've always been a polypartycule shipper and enjoy how you include all party members and mention Duzie sometimes cuz too many times I found fics/hcs excluding the fact Dustin has a stable relationship with Suzie in favor of just highlighting byler and elumax as the romantic ones of the party.

Sorry for the rant but I had to let it out. I hated scrolling through my feed and seeing that post you made of folks getting heated over fiction like you're gonna convince the Duffers to change the whole script. Anyways I hope my support is felt. This is still me typing in a sleep daze and yeah. I'll continue reading your work cuz I enjoy good writers first and foremost and omg lol you made it having some harrassers cuz the greatest books were on the banned book list. Not saying you deserve the irrational hate, but that's how I'm framing it - this is giving "banned book energy" just cuz The Pact is exploring romantic madwheeler when no one cares about byclair or henderhop or henclair (despite folks labeling El as a lesbian). Anyways, you do you moot be blessed out here

Hello deer moot!!!! <33

Thanks so much for the positive vibes!!! I truly appreciate it. I guess I was just feeling a little let down that a select few people made it so far into a fic and then were angry about the way things were going and/or felt the need for me to tell them the ending. At first it didn't bother me, but after answering the same questions 1,000 times and trying to sort of reassure everyone it got to a point of being exhausting! I want to talk about the fic, but I don't really want to have to defend my writing/story/ship choices every chapter. It's kind of exhausting and was bringing me down a little bit. But anyway, enough about that.

I am SO GLAD that you are like...really vibing with some of the choices in that story? Especially with your unique pov being demi ace and having poly family. I think that fanfiction can be a very important tool for a lot of teen when it comes to exploring sex, especially if it's not a cis het-normative type or even just....dealing with sex from a young person's pov and all of the obstacles that everyone faces in that regard. Also, I think it can just open up a conversation or make a person think about things that maybe they might not of before etc etc. Or! They can just enjoy those scenes for the writing/good time. I'm here for all of it.

I'm not sure if it's a biphobia thing? It honestly hadn't occurred to me, but you may possibly be right. I know a lot of people headcanon Mike as gay, which I fully support. I wouldn't be surprised if that is the case. I think if Byler happens in canon, he'll be unlabeled. BUT I do like to write Mike as bi, I personally think that there were feelings for El at some point. I personally headcanon him as a bi-romantic, and sexually leaning towards men. But that's just me....

But anyway, as that pertains to madwheeler, I also really enjoy the bi for bi Max and Mike dynamic, specifically because it's fun to write, and secondly it's another thing to add to their already similar personalities. And yea. I agree... unless a character's sexuality is specifically stated like El and Will's, there is room for exploration for most characters and that's what fanfic and art is for.

I do think there is this strange thought process regarding bi characters, that if they have a relationship with a person of the opposite sex it's like they're not "queer enough" for other people. Like it's somehow lesser than if Mike has a relationship with a woman, even though he already, in canon, is well, with a woman. And that people tend to forget that people are still bi, still queer, even if they are in the most outwardly straight presenting relationship, cause let's face it....you can't really help who you're attracted to and who you fall in love with. it just is.

And when it comes to the madwheeler in this fic, I am fully aware it is one of the least popular ships out there, but again, that is one of the reasons I wanted to explore it. And a a bi, poly person my self it was really interesting putting these characters in a dynamic where they were both involved with people of differing genders and orientations. It gives you a lot to work with when it comes to having things to write about! シ

And as you said, it also allows for some messy, realistic teenage angst! Which I am always a fan of! ;)

Anyway, thank you for the rant. I appreciate it so much, and am honestly still blown away by the positive responses to this story. Even if it's not everyone's cup of tea!

[inmyarmswrappedin]

Yeah because systemic oppression of queer communities for millennia means it’s understandable when members of those communities sometimes act out/react badly. Mailin has every privilege in the bag so of course flaws aren’t so easily forgiven

Hi anon! 🧇 Ngl I thought this ask was going to go in a different direction, one that was going to make me complain a lot more lmao.

I was talking about badly written seasons specifically. I'm not talking about queer characters (or any kind of minority characters actually) behaving badly. I love Isak and he was an asshole to like 95% of people he came across. Cris was also an asshole. Kieu My was a bystander to bullying and pulled some dick moves in s5 and s6. I hate to even put Ava in this paragraph, but when she had a personality, she didn't just exist to be Mailin's hypewoman, she had her own motives and pain that meant she didn't say "you go gurl!" to every stunt Mailin pulled. Lol of course members of oppressed communities aren't always precious angels, but we as a fandom give wayyyyyyyyy more leeway to white/light-skinned queer characters than we give cishet (or otherwise) characters of color.

We also give more leeway as a fandom to ASSUMED queer white characters, as we saw during s6 when the Druck social media team had to DEFEND Ava in youtube comments because commenters were massively siding with Mailin. And it wasn't just on youtube. Here on tumblr many people gave Mailin every benefit of the doubt even when Druck kept showing that she was more focused on coming across as the wokest person in the room, than on actually being a good friend to Ava and Fatou. And that was because even in s6, Mailin was assumed ace or sapphic or both. Same with pretty much every Sana/Vilde conflict. Vilde and remakes were given a lot of leeway because people thought she was sapphic. (And to be clear, I think a queer reading of Vilde makes a lot of sense. I'm not saying people are wrong for thinking Vilde is gay. I'm saying that because we/people think Vilde is gay, Vilde enjoyed a loyal fandom who defended her in fandom discourse.)

So if I'm fine with some queer characters behaving badly, why am I not okay with baby Robbe and Isi and whoever else? Well, because they're fictional characters first of all. Ideally, the character arc of a Skams main will be about ("you know what that is?") GROWTH. Isak was taken to task for pretty much every shitty thing he did, and eventually he learns to be more patient and generous (in his season anyway lol, s4 is a bit more complicated) as shown in week 10 when he's a completely different person to Vilde, and lets bygones be bygones with Emma. Likewise Cris was slapped across the face with the consequences of her actions until she made more efforts to understand the people around her and focused on giving them what they needed. Nora G realized that she'd been going through life thinking she had it all figured out, when abusive relationships are more complex than she thought looking at them from the outside. I do not think Robbe was given a character arc that addressed the bits the writers decided to add for funsies, like accusing Sander of abuse or the hate crime. Isi's redemption arc after bullying their childhood friend is, lmao, nonexistent. The love story with Sascha is perfunctory, Sascha and Lou were included because the season had too many poc as leading characters, and Sascha really only exists to make sad faces when Isi once again mistreats him. Then they're given a happy ending as well as the compulsory sex scene.

So you said Mailin's flaws aren't so easily forgiven, and I will say, depends on the viewer. If Mailin has every privilege in the bag, then Sporty Spice has one more. And yet I had to see on the tag a post about how op actually prefers Sporty to Mailin and thinks he's a more compelling character and his season would've been better. The thing is though, with this writing, Sporty would've been just as flat of a character and any storylines just as "how do you do fellow kids". But people like op would've loved it anyway because the actor is so cute. And there are plenty of people (see: youtube commenters circa s6) who still think Mailin is fucking great and think those that attack her are misogynists and "reverse racists" and "fake woke" and "looking for something to hate".

My conclusion being that of the post I already made. Eva Mohn also had pretty much every privilege in the bag, but her season was well written, her character arc made sense, her flaws were addressed, and the character (and by extension, the teens who Eva represented) were validated wherever she was right. And if Druck absolutely had to rob Ava of her well deserved season, the least they could've done was deliver a good Mailin season. And they didn't.

Edit: Also like I said on the tags to a reblog, I don't even place most of the blame on the writers. Q3 were also criticized for a bunch of issues in s3 and s4, but they decided to get educated, invite a diverse film's collective (Jünglinge) onboard and try to improve. And they weren't given the chance to complete this gen as they envisioned. If this bunch of writers, who are after all inexperienced, decide to improve and incorporate fan feedback, ZDF will likely get rid of them too. The problem is ZDF, and the writers are perhaps even more expendable than the cast at this point.

[fubukiswifenoimnotjoking]

One Punch Man ship reviews bc I’m bored

WARNING: BIG ONE PUNCH MAN WEBCOMIC AND MANGA SPOILERS

GenoSai: do I even have to say it?? They compliment each other so well and are already besties. They make me so happy and I love their love. Genos literally came into Saitama’s life and brought so much new life and excitement when Saitama thought he’d never get any. Genos gives him love and appreciation all the time and never abandons him. Saitama isn’t connected to his feelings, but he cares about Genos and would do just about anything for him, to keep him safe. Genos constantly teases Saitama and Saitama grumbles and takes it with some banter, Genos is super emotional and Saitama does his best to comfort him, they fucking love shopping together and just hanging out period, they talk about the dumbest shit and somehow they still understand each other with the one brain cell they both share. It takes Genos forever to realize his feelings are deeper and Saitama has to be TOLD by their friends that he should fucking realize his feelings already. Just...I could keep going but I’ll stop! 2718873737839439/10 (let’s not talk about the age gap btw, 6 years isn’t bad and Genos is a legal adult.)

FubuSai: the stereotypical straight ship ppl gravitate to. Eh. I can see it, but at the same time I feel like they don’t completely compliment each other. Are they a hot couple? Duh. But I feel like their pride and communication issues would get in the way. 4/10

TatsuSai: hnghhhh. Someone mentioned this before, can’t remember who, but Saitama literally thinks she’s a child in canon. So that just....makes it gross. Same problems as FubuSai but worse. I’d rather see them as hesitant friends w a weird bond. 0/10

SonSai/SonicSai/idk the ship name: eh, toxic. Cant see them getting past communication issues and pride, again. Plus Sonic wants to kill his ass. Also, I just feel no romantic tension?? Even in fanfic it just falls flat for me. 3/10

MumenSai: a favorite!! Wish I saw it more, it’s very cute. Mumen is so kind and would absolutely be there to help him w self esteem and just help him be a better person period. And Saitama would have a cute little kind guy to tease and open up to. I could maybe see Mumen’s kindness getting on Saitama’s nerves when he’s in a bad mood bc Mumen almost never snaps and Saitama feels shittier, or maybe Mumen being mad at Saitama for being kinda lazy at home while Mumen is working his ass off and he’s like babe I just got home, please stop playing the fucking game and pay attention to me I have a concussion again. Prob too nitpicky on this one, heh, but 8.4/10

Genos x Sonic: wtf? As a crack ship, sure. That’s hilarious. But as a serious ship, 1.3/10 bc I could MAYBE see them bond over their love of my chemical romance or sum.

Anyone x Puri: -128382839287473828739219833468282/10. Fuck Puri.

TatsuKing: eh. Indifferent on this one too. I can see them getting along and Tatsu being the mean but supportive gf in public, but a sweet gf in private. King could be like her calm oasis of video games and sweet blonde shy bf. I sway more towards ace/aro King and queer non binary Tatsu, but this is still good. 6/10

FubuPsy/Fubuki x Psykos/idk: hell yeah!! This series NEEDS more wlw ships, both for me to project onto and to cry over. Prob my fav Fubuki ship, cuz they’ve known each other since they were young and had a tenuous friendship. I didn’t use to ship it until I saw that scene in the wc after the MA arc (u know the one) but here we are. They’re big personalities so any interaction is bound to be chaotic at first, but I really think they’d work. Pride put to the side, Psykos could be someone for Fubuki to finally rely on other than the Blizzard Bunch, someone to confide in, a badass partner to fight monsters with, talk about nothing for hours with, be a super fashionable #girlboss couple with, and someone who would really see her for who she is-especially w Psykos knowledge of her from the past. Hell, Psykos might even know her better than Tatsumaki. Fubuki could be an anchor to her like she currently is in the wc, providing a quiet comfort and making her open up little by little. Would prob be toxic at first bc of the MA arc and their desire for power, but is a very good ship I think. 9/10

Speedal/Sonic x Mumen: an old fav! Sonic would have a hard time not hating Mumen at first bc he’s the picture definition of a hero, sum he hates. But hanging out with him would show him Mumen is a GOOD guy genuinely and he’d be like ohhhh shit I’m in love w this man. Mumen would thoroughly appreciate someone to make him live a little, break some rules and stand up to ppl when they talk over him. He’d DEFINITELY be upset when finding out Sonic is an assassin, but would prob be conflicted bc he knows Sonic is a good person despite that. Would prob make Sonic give up on killing for them to be together. Sucks bc of the assassin thing and bc they haven’t met in canon! So we’re not sure how they’d interact with each other, sigh. 7.4/10

Okamaitachi x Bushidrill: a very underrated ship! To be clear, I headcanon Kama as a trans woman and so does most of the fandom. Anyway, very sweet and already built as a friendship bc of their partnership under Atomic Samurai. I can’t remember who writes fic and makes art of them on tumblr but AAAAA it’s so good! Very sweet. Basically depicted Bushi as a nervous himbo who’s honest about his feelings but scared to say them and Kama as a sweet lady who’s crazy about Bushi. Very sweet. Want more of them!! 6.1/10

OneZon/Zombieman x One Shotter: never even thought of the ship till I saw @megidolan art work! Very wholesome, and from what little we know of Shotter we know he’s a sort of nervous yet strong willed guy, and Zombieman would totally help him calm down bc he’s so chill. I could see them sharing cigarettes and talking shit on heroes while cuddling u know? 7/10 only because I don’t see enough of it but very good concept.

Mumarou/Mumen x Garou: a lot of ppl are gonna hate me for this but....I don’t like it. I’ve tried! I just—idk. I’ve read so many good fics about them that make me like it a bit, but the concept is just eh. I think their relationship is, in most reps, really cliche angsty stuff. I wish I could elaborate I just...gah! Basically, there’s better ships for the both of them imo. Sorry!! 4.3/10

Sonic x Flashy/SonFlash: yes!! Prob my fav Sonic ship. They have soooo much tension, it’s almost worse than Genos’ tension w Saitama. Flashy LITERALLY poisoned Sonic so that he wouldn’t be forced to kill him at the ninja graduation. He cares. They’ll never say it out loud, but they care. They have someone who understands what they went through in each other and someone they’re both so similar to, yet so different from. Sonic is more vocal about his expressions and let’s people know it while Flashy often keeps things to himself, they could really influence the other to be more this or that. I could see a lot of comfort with these two, and not much is needed for relationship development; they already have so much unspoken between them after meeting for the first time in years. Love it. Wish I saw it more! 10/11

KingSai: wonderful! Out of the few ppl Saitama is close to, def my second fav pick for a ship for him. There’s a post saying how Saitama doesn’t cut King off when he’s going on rants about games and stuff bc he’s talking TO Saitama, not at him like Genos tends to do on accident. They’re already great buddies! Saitama could find a shy gamer man who he can talk to about manga and stuff and also a passionate bf who could break out of his shell w Saitama and be himself with no lies. King can have someone to protect him, duh, someone who finally understands his weird sense of humor, and someone to shower him in the love and kindness he deserves when Saitama is in the mood to be all out like that w his affections. Plus he’s Saitama’s anchor and brings him back down when he’s super anxious and depressed and tells him what’s up that he needs to fix without sugarcoating it. Would def have a bunch of inside jokes and go on dates that are just staying inside playing video games all night. Domestic af. 10/10

Fubuki x Mizuki: my first wlw Fubuki ship! Hard to find but very good. Mizuki is this big ball of kindness, energy, and raw power that would make Fubuki go ‘Ohhhhhhh, big pretty lady make brain go brrr.’ I could see Mizuki grounding Fubuki when she’s in over her head, giving her random gifts bc she saw sum and thought of her, doing a marathon run and wildly waving at Fubuki in the crowd, and all around being a dependable woman confident in herself and in love with a mysterious esper. Prob a little shy when it comes to anything physical bc she loves Fubuki so much and is overwhelmed by the realness of being w her. Fubuki gives Mizuki advice on ‘acting like a proper hero’ or whatever and though Mizuki thinks she doesn’t need it, Fubuki still helps her a lot w her career and being taken more seriously by others. Would give Mizuki someone who loves her for who she is and would go wild on her in private when she can be open about her affection, would be someone Mizuki could exercise with and listen intently to Mizuki’s physical knowledge, and would absolutely bandage her when she’s all banged up. Hnghh love this ship. It’s only behind the FubuPsy ship juuuuust a little bc they haven’t met in canon so we can’t be sure about their interactions and stuff. 8.8/10, I love WOMEN

Batarou: how could I go this far without mentioning them?! They have SOOOO much tension in the centichoro fight, like come on. Both snarky assholes who are huge softies one the inside, Badd being the more logical one (still a himbo, tho) and Garou being the more chaotic one. Probably take forever to admit their feelings bc they’re so prideful and stupid <3 flirt through constant wrestling matches and it takes Genos saying ‘they should kiss already, they’re getting on his nerves’ for them to finally realize what’s up. (@rayadraws has a great au where Garou Genos and Badd are a chaotic friend squad and Genos is the only brain of the group, haha. Very good au y’all check it out!) Would constantly pick on each other affectionately and switch into concerned SO when the other is hurt like the big teddy bears they are. Raise Zenko together for sure. Garou would fumble being romantic and Badd would find it both hilarious and cute. 11/12

Zombie mask/Amai x Zombieman:

So. I don’t like Amai Mask and I used to hate him, BUT the webcomic and fic have really helped me calm down on him (he’s still a dick tho), so it’s easier to want to ship him and stuff. Bc of Amai’s anger issues and controlling behavior, I could see this relationship being super toxic and icky—but I think they have some form of understanding that pulls Amai back from being a complete dick, you know? Start off as fuck buddies and slowly form something else from spending companionable time together other than screwing. Zombieman pulls Amai back from his angry fits and soothes him over with his logic. Talk maaaaaad shit about heroes, but only when they’re alone because Zombieman knows Amai will talk loud af about the heroes they’re roasting and Zombie doesn’t wanna stop a fight from happening. Zombieman loves making Amai flustered and has a secret check list in his head of all the things that get Amai red faced. Loves to listen to Amai rant about things for hours and loves to watch his face go through almost cartoon like expressions as he talks. He won’t admit it, but Zombie loves to be spoiled by Amai’s shit tons of cash and often takes rides in Amai’s limos when he wants to smoke and think to himself. Amai has a hard time realizing how his feelings have changed, but gets hit hard with it when he wakes up to Zombie making them breakfast one morning while wearing Amai’s underwear. Amai also loves to spoil Zombie and takes him out to restaurants and buys him cool new weapons on the weekends. @batneko has pretty much gotten me into this ship and I strongly suggest looking at their works! 7.9/10

DemonKnight/Genos x Zero/Drive Knight: I’m pretty sure this used to be a crack ship before the past like 10 manga chapters—and now here we are! Not a fav bc 1. ZERO LEFT GENOS TO SELF DESTRUCT AFTER THEY COMBINED TO FORM THE FUCKING JET HE WAS JUST LIKE lol bye SO LIKE if he left him to die that’s super hard for me to forgive and ship grrr 2. Disregarding the manga’s canon and looking at the wc, while I love the little trip they went on where Zero demonstrated his abilities and helped Genos kill monsters, it’s super sus. He knew alllll of this info on Metal Knight and was super supportive and understanding when Genos said he needed time to think. Like,,,what are his intentions? We know so little about him—is he trying to trick Genos or was he being sincere? THAT STUFF ASIDE, they’re a really fun ship. They’re both huge fucking nerds and can keep up with their talk on robotics for hours, they’re both cyborgs so they understand each other’s pain, and they’re both super cool and angsty. I think they could really settle into a deep bond that can go platonic or romantic, just depends. Genos needs more ppl in his life so hell yeah! Plus, he can really let go with Zero bc they don’t have that teacher/student relationship and Zero, if he’s really a sincere and kind guy like in the wc, can be there for Genos and listen to him. Don’t have much to say on this ship other than @wellthisisembarrassing makes GORGEOUS art of them! 6.3/10

Webuiko/Suiko x Webigaza: YEAH I KNOW THEY HAVENT INTERACTED IN CANON AND WE DONT KNOW MUCH ABOUT THEM BUT HEAR ME OUT. Webigaza—cool af determined cyborg idol who’s surprisingly down to earth when talking with Child Emperor. Suiko—sassy and honest fighter who doesn’t take shit and is very passionate. Suiko would go to talk to Web then immediately freak out bc aaaa she’s way prettier than she thought, she can’t do this! Web would have to gently encourage Suiko to talk and at first is like ‘ah man, must be an adoring fan, ugh I’m so tired. At least she’s hot’ but when Suiko snaps out of her shyness Web is like oh! She’s super cool wtf. Always bump into each other during fights and help each other get fixed up, Suiko using her muscle power to lift Web’s pieces (and give Web a great view of Suiko’s muscles holy SHIT) and Web would patch Suiko up. Not to be stereotypical, but they’re def a masc/femme couple. I love the idea of this ship soooo much and I really hope they interact! 6.6/10 only bc they haven’t met 😭😭😭 look them up on here! There’s some great art of them by a few blogs

Dr. Kuseno x Bang: pretty sure @baldyborg came up with this one! Super cute. Just two old dudes finding a nice friendship in each other, maybe after Bang helps carry Genos to Kuseno’s after a day of fighting. Bang would find Kuseno to be a very cute little nerd man and would be sooo impressed by Kuseno’s mad scientist skills. Kuseno would be super impressed when seeing Bang in action too. They’d prob talk as soon as they meet each other and Genos would be in the background like you guys it’s been an hour, please fix me I’m on the verge of death 🧍🏻Bang would give Kuseno advice on training techniques to teach Genos and advice on making his bodies more martial arts ready or sum, meanwhile Kuseno would give his take on how to be kinder to Garou so that Bang would learn to repair the relationship with a gentleness he’s seemingly lacking (yes I’m talking about the chapter where he and Garou start fighting and Bang is just not doing enough to reach out to Garou, he’s being a callous old man! So yeah I’m still mad about that). Genos and Saitama would prob be out on a date and Saitama would be like oh theres Bang, wonder what he’s doing? Then Kuseno would walk up and kiss Bang and Genos and Sai would be shocked like SIRS 👬 Genos would tell Bang he doesn’t need another adoptive dad and Bang would be like....ok.... I see them retiring in a cottage together and Bang would become a huge softie. Yes I’m actively ignoring chapter 141 of the wc, shut up. 7.6/10

TankTop master x Mumen: they have a nice friendship going on in the manga right now! Just bros supporting bros. Tank is the picture definition of a muscly himbo and Mumen is his cute passionate bf. Also workout buddies af!! Don’t have much to say other than pretty good ship, just not a fav. 5.2/10

To sum it up—

GenoSai: 2718873737839439/10, Batarou: 11/12, SonFlash: 10/11, KingSai: 10/10, FubuPsy: 9/10, Fubuki x Mizuki: 8.8/10, MumenSai: 8.4/10, ZombieMask: 7.9/10, Dr. Kuseno x Bang: 7.6/10, Speedal: 7.4/10, OneZon: 7/10, Webuiko: 6.6/10, DemonKnight: 6.3/10, Okamaitachi x Bushidrill: 6.1/10, TatsuKing: 6/10, TankTop Master x Mumen: 5.2/10, Mumarou: 4.3/10, FubuSai: 4/10, SonSai: 3/10, Genos x Sonic: 1.3/10, TatsuSai: 0/10, anyone x Puri: -1283828319833468282/10

If there’s any ships I left out, it’s bc I don’t know them, don’t wanna talk about them, or just don’t have an opinion strong enough. Also, I know there are some poly ships like Genos x Saitama x Fubuki, but I’ve read only one fic about that (it was pretty good, here’s the link https://archiveofourown.org/works/5406992 ) so I don’t feel like talking about it. Hope no ones offended! All my opinion here :)

[rosemarydisaster]

So, about Bi Caleb

Warning: very long post, discussing bi representation and biphobia.

*Sorry for spelling errors, English ain’t my firts language.

I can’t believe I have to tell you guys, but anyways: Caleb is bi whether he ends with a male character, a female character on a non binary character. That’s what bi people do, you know? they experience atraction for all genders. Saying that a bi character that ends with someone of the opposite gender is straight and queerbaiting is incredibly biphobic.

Yes, Vax was bisexual. Yes, he ended up with Kiki. Get fucking over it.

Now, I can understand why LGBT+ fans may feel disappointed when they tease a “gay couple” but the “straigth” couple ends up being endgame. Notice the quotation marks because there’s not such thing as a straight or gay couple for a bi person. They are bisexual in both situations, but I can see where the problem comes from. I’ve been queerbaited to hell and back by a lot of shows and it really hurts. It feels like they are laughting at you for caring. But I want those fans (whose feelings are totally valid, don’t get me wrong) to consider a few things when it comes to Critical Role, the first one being: it’s a D&D game.

Let me explain, because I know a lot of CR fans haven’t experienced what D&D is like in real life (and that’s absolutely valid, you don’t need to play D&D to enjoy CR). This is an improvisation game, not an scripted TV show. In a Tv show you can plan ahead of time what ship is going to be endgame, what themes are gonna come up for each character and it’s easier to deeply explore sexuality and gender as different planned arcs. In D&D you character’s sexuality may or may not come up depending on how you play it. Take for instance how other CR character’s have stated their sexuality:

Beau: overtly. Very *In your face* kind of lesbian. Marisha said “fuck it, I really just want to romance girls and be bad ass”

Yasha: openly, but not as in your face. Ashley Jhonson wanted to drink from that WLW cup while also being a shy disaster. Seafood market is her favored terrain.

Caduceus: Our Ace king has never hidden his sexuality, and yet he didn’t mention anything about it until chapter 114. He didn’t had the need to either hide it or state it. He was simply vibing.

I think Liam is going that route with Caleb. He’s flustered by Essek and Edwulf (Come on you guys, he always asks Matthew if he’s still hot). He also had/has a thing for Astrid and a think he might have feels for our favorite Tiefling gal. I know we are all too used to characters being teased as gay/bi only to have execs pull a “haha jk they be straight”. But this is not Sherlock or Supernatural. This is a show that not only has queer rep, but also supports queer organizations and creators. Hell, I’m sure some of the cast members are LGBT (but I’m not here to speculate on real people’s sexuality). If Caleb shows attraction to men he is not just queerbaiting, doing it for fanservicing or tricking the fans in any way shape or form: he’s just portraying a bi character. The thing is, since this is not a TV show, he is not doing it por woke points or to send a message. He’s doing it because he wants to play a bi wizard with depression.

So maybe there will be a point in which he can explores his sexuality more deeply, but remember he is playing a game. And his character is one that has a lot of trouble opening up to his feelings. Caleb is not someone that makes sexual jokes or flirty remarks. He is shy, awkward and has developed a really fucked up sense of love that he is now slowly fixing. Hell, in the same Talks episode Liam explained that Caleb was trained on Honey-pot tactics. Which, for those of you who can’t stand Bond films, means seducing your enemy/target to get information, manipulate them or assassinate them. WHICH IS A REALLY FUCKED UP THING! Let’s remember how he was the one to push Fjord to sleep with Advantica so they could spy on her. That boy has Issues when it comes to relationships. So if we don’t see him being as overtly gay as Beau, Molly or Yasha, well maybe it’s because that’s the way Caleb is. Bi people don’t owe you flamboyance, or dating both guys and gals for your approval. I wouldn’t make a post if it was only that, because I do feel the people who are aching for good bi rep and would love some more explicit confirmation. But Vax exists, so I know we can’t have good things down here.

VAX EXPLICITELY SHOWED ATTRACTION TO GILMORE. AS EXPLICIT AS IT GETS. HE FUCKING KISSED HIM. THEY WERE PRACTICALLY DATING. AND YET SOME OF YOU FUCKERS CALL HIM QUEERBAITING. AND I SAY: NOT ON MY WATCH! NOT ON MY FUCKING WATCH!!

How come a character can have canonically kissed another character in a romantic/sensual context and still be called straight? I know fucking Sherlock traumaticed y’all into having trust issues but believe me when I tell you: I’ts not that deep. This is not a “Haha I love u but in a no homo way bro”. It’s a “full homo darling, but also we’re gonna break up because I like someone else”. This is the opposite of queerbaiting. Instead of keeping a charade he was honest with Gilmore because he valued his feelings and realized that he couldn’t reciprocate them at that moment. And if you try to tell me that Vaxleth was forced and didn’t have a reason to exist except queerbaiting, let me tell you: you are wrong.

Vax saw Gilmore once or twice monthly while he spent a heck ton of time with Kiki. Sure, they didn’t had the kind of camera chemistry Gilmore and Vax had because Keyleth is not charismatic. She’s really awkward, and her relationship with Vax was more on the adorable and dorky side of things. I bring this up because I’m predicting something similar may happen to Shadowgast.

Trust me, I ship the hot wizards as much as any other critter (even though I’m a multishipper). But they haven’t talked to Essek in centuries. I think it may have been almost a month in rol and quite a few outside. And you have to take into account out-rol time to because they are humans (except Tal) playing a game and they forget about stuff (except Marisha and Matt). So Shadowgast may not happen because sure, they had really good chemistry for a month a month ago. People have crushes that die down over time All The Time. So maybe don’t be so butthurt about your ship not being canon that you accuse an ally of homophobia. 

The cast of CR put forward such an amazing representation for the LGBT+ community and it really hurts me that you gets stuck on the one thing that isn’t canon. Matt has created a world in which coming out is not necessary because no one assumes your sexuality. A world in which people respect pronouns and orientations (except Tary’s father, who is a villain). A world in which Cad or Caleb don’t need to explicitly say “I’m ace/bi” unless it comes up in conversation. A world in which his friends can be whatever they want to be without pressure or reprecusions. A world in which they get to explore different gender identities and sexual orientations with full freedom. Let’s not interfere with that (unless there’s missrepresentation), and let them play their game. If you really need mlm or wlw canon couples or more outwardly LGBT+ people you have plenty examples among NPCs and other cast members (Allura and kima, Yasha, Beau, Dairon, Keg, Reani, Tary, Molly and Vax among others).

There’s way worst shows taking LGBT+ cred for barely doing nothing. Fucking Supernatural is the most recent example! Critical Role works towards showing an honest portrayal of LGBT+ folk and accepts valid criticism from their fans on the subject (when they changed J’Mon Sa Ord pronouns from it to they/them). They don’t owe you making your ship canon or portraying their characters the way you want them to (again, unless when it’s constructive criticism). Stop being so Fucking entitled and enjoy the show for what it is

,Respectfully~

*Edit: I´m tagging Caleb’s ships into the post because most hate comes from shipping wars. Most Shadowgast fans are respectful of the cast’s decisions, even if it disappoints them. But since I’ve already seen people accusing Liam of biphobia in that tag and since I’ve already seen this shit with Vaxmore I’m tagging the ship. If you want to read my long ass post do it, if not, ignore it. I’m not forcing you to read it. I’ve also tagged it with biphobia so people can avoid it if it’s triggering. I’m sorry if it makes you mad that your ship is not canon, but that’s not an excuse to be toxic to the cast. Those of you getting mad are the ones that need to read this the most. Like I’ve said in the post: you’re allowed to be disappointed, you are allowed to want more, but you can’t force the cast to give you exactly what you want. And most certainly, you can’t accuse them of  some very serious stuff like biphobia and queerbaiting when it’s not the case..  

[lawisnotmocked]

Queer Readings of Les Mis - Javert

Queer readings of classic literature are one of my favourite things and I’ve seen some great queer readings of Enjolras and Grantaire, and a few queer readings of Eponine and Valjean too but one queer reading that I don’t see much is of Javert, so I thought I’d do a queer reading of Javert with you guys today! This includes ace Javert, repressed gay Javert, and my ‘Javert realises he’s in love with Valjean before he dies but Valjean never realises or reciprocates his feelings’ reading so yeah be prepared for that! :’D

I feel like I should probably define what a queer reading actually is before I start because it’s a term used a lot in academia that some people might not have come across before! Queer readings are about challenging heteronormativity in texts and exploring ways in which a text can be interpreted as queer. While some queer readings of texts can focus on what the author’s potential intentions may have been, this isn’t a necessity. If you’re a younger queer person I just want to let you know that you’re allowed to want to see yourself in history and in literature, you have a right to assert your existence and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel bad or silly for that uwu <3

Our first question is ‘is there any evidence in the brick that Javert is cishet?’ And the answer to that is there’s honestly no evidence at all to suggest that Javert is heterosexual.

In the brick we’re told that Javert isn’t really interested in anything outside of his work, including sexual and romantic relationships. The text actually suggests he’s never been in a relationship before and doesn’t desire one either - ‘And, withal, a life of privation, isolation, abnegation, chastity, with never a diversion.’  ‘As we have said, he had no vices. When he was pleased with himself, he permitted himself a pinch of snuff. Therein lay his connection with humanity.’ (1.5.5) In summary, Javert doesn’t fuck uwu Javert doesn’t have any friends either which is kinda sad someone form a human connection with this man :’3

With this evidence, one queer reading of Javert in the brick is that he’s aromantic and asexual, or somewhere on the aroace spectrum. Javert seems to have a total lack of interest in any kind of intimate relationship, and it’s entirely possible that he doesn’t experience attraction towards anyone.

Another queer reading we can take from Javert’s disinterest in relationships is that he’s attracted to men and represses all of his romantic and/or sexual feelings. Javert is really good at not thinking too hard about stuff, especially anything complicated like his own sexuality - thought was something to which he was unused, and which was peculiarly painful. (5.4.1) It’s the coping mechanism he uses to be able to maintain his black and white worldview, and it would make sense that that would extend into other areas of his personal life too.

Javert was raised in a very heteronormative society and is very respectful of authority and social norms. He’s religious just because that’s what’s socially expected of him, not because he’s thought particularly hard about his relationship with God. In his eyes, of course, the ecclesiastical authority was the chief of all; he was religious, superficial and correct on this point as on all others. (1.8.5) He knows he’s not interested in relationships with women, but he might not have even considered that being attracted to men was an alternative. Sure maybe he’s thought men were handsome before, but he literally doesn’t have the ability to reflect on what those feelings might mean for him and his sexuality. If you asked brick Javert what his sexuality was he’d probably say he was heterosexual, despite never actually experiencing sexual attraction towards women, because that’s the social default and he’s never bothered to question whether or not he might fit that default.

Alternatively, he might be aware that he is attracted to men, but that’s not a socially acceptable thing for him to feel so he just represses it along with all the other thoughts and feelings he has that question authority and the workings of society.

Revolutionary France decriminalized homosexuality in 1791, so this would be less of a legal issue for Javert than a social issue, since I’m assuming there was still a lot of social stigma surrounding being queer. I’m a queer historian but my period is medieval Europe not revolutionary France so if anyone has anything to add here please do ^^’

This wouldn’t be a Sirius Brand Meta Post if I didn’t talk about animal symbolism lol, so I’m gonna talk about animal symbolism now! Specifically the homoeroticism of the hunting symbolism and how surprising horny (voreny?) and repressed Javert is :’3

Then he began the game. He experienced one ecstatic and infernal moment; he allowed his man to go on ahead, knowing that he had him safe, but desirous of postponing the moment of arrest as long as possible, happy at the thought that he was taken and yet at seeing him free, gloating over him with his gaze, with that voluptuousness of the spider which allows the fly to flutter, and of the cat which lets the mouse run. Claws and talons possess a monstrous sensuality,—the obscure movements of the creature imprisoned in their pincers. What a delight this strangling is! Javert was enjoying himself. The meshes of his net were stoutly knotted. He was sure of success; all he had to do now was to close his hand. (2.5.10)

Like?? Hello sir are you okay?? What about this could possibly be heterosexual :’3 Dshdhdh okay I’ll go back to doing a kinda serious analysis I just have to bully Javert for being Like This :’3

Javert’s animal symbolism can actually be used as part of a queer reading as a way to understand how he emotionally reacts to things. Javert is at his most emotional in chapter 5.4.1, Javert derailed. He’s is forced to confront everything he’s denied and repressed about himself and other people, and a large portion of this chapter is dedicated to how he feels about Valjean specifically. Do I think Javert has been in love with Valjean this entire time and is finally forced to confront his feelings? No. Up until this point I think they’ve both seen each other as an inconvenience and an obstacle who they somehow keep running into, and I don’t think this changes for Valjean after he saves Javert. He just doesn’t know Javert well enough outside of ‘that one weird policeman I keep running into’ to have any strong feelings about him.

I will argue though that in Javert derailed, Javert is in love with Valjean. I’m not even sure if he’s consciously aware that that’s what he’s feeling and I don’t think he really knows how to express it either. Hugo chooses to express a lot of Javert’s more complex feelings through animalistic metaphors, because Javert feels things in a very instinctive and animalistic way, that’s just how his understanding of himself and his emotions works ^^’

When he had so unexpectedly encountered Jean Valjean on the banks of the Seine, there had been in him something of the wolf which regains his grip on his prey, and of the dog who finds his master again. (5.4.1)

Javert is clearly having very conflicted feelings about what his relationship with Valjean is after he spared his life at the barricade. There’s still that hunting instinct that tells him he’s found the convict he was tracking down, but there’s something else there too. ‘The dog who finds his master again’. I don’t know how many of you have dogs but they’re always so happy to see their humans again whenever you go somewhere! Javert is happy to see him! Javert missed him! Maybe he even feels some affection towards him! Even the wolf finding his prey is excited to see it again, and in both of these scenarios the dog and the wolf desire closeness with the object of their attention. The homoeroticism of the hunt!! The love and devotion of the dog!! Symbolically, Javert is breaking his ties with the police and forming a bond with Valjean. Emotionally he’s confused and conflicted but he knows that he wants to be close to Valjean.

In the end, ‘the dog who finds his master’ wins out over the ‘wolf which regains his grip on his prey’. Javert lets Valjean go, and then we get this:

A terrible situation! to be touched. ... to be the watch-dog, and to lick the intruder’s hand! to be ice and melt! to be the pincers and to turn into a hand! to suddenly feel one’s fingers opening! to relax one’s grip,—what a terrible thing! (5.4.1)

God the tenderness!!!! How could this not be love in Javert’s weird canid way!! The affection of the dog who licks the human’s hand, the devotion of the dog finding his master!! Javert’s utter devotion towards the society he served is now being projected onto Valjean. Javert loves Valjean. Javert is in awe of Valjean, he’s terrified of him in the same way that men are terrified of angels!

A benevolent malefactor, merciful, gentle, helpful, clement, a convict, returning good for evil, giving back pardon for hatred, preferring pity to vengeance, preferring to ruin himself rather than to ruin his enemy, saving him who had smitten him, kneeling on the heights of virtue, more nearly akin to an angel than to a man. (5.4.1)

What could this be but love from Javert? The man who spent his whole life devoted to system that placed no value on his life and ended it devoted to the man who saved it.

All of that aside, queer readings don’t have to match up with personal headcanons! I don’t want this post to feel like I’m telling you you have to interpret Javert’s character in the book the way I do, this is just one way of reading it! I love to headcanon Javert as bi but that isn’t really supported anywhere in the text lol uwu’’ A queer reading is just about queer elements that are present in the text and there is no way Inspector Javert can be read as heterosexual <3

I love genderqueer Javert headcanons too and I have genderqueer Javert feelings about the line “you’ve got a beard like a man, mother, but I have claws like a woman,” but I also don’t know how to articulate any feelings I do have about it so I’m just leaving it here. Trans rights uwu

Thank you for reading this whole thing I really appreciate it when people get something out of my rambling lol, and as always reblogs are very appreciated and anyone is very welcome to add on to this if they’d like! <3

[gra-sonas]

I love you but please PLEASE stop shipping Tyler and Michael irl, whenever you say something people take it as godspeak and we all know Michael is straight and, last we knew Tyler was in a committed relationship. You stopped identifying as bisexual but you shouldn't throw us all under the bus

Okay, my first reaction upon reading your ask was IGNORE IT, my second was MOCK IT (at least the part about Vlamburn). But it's been a couple of hours since you sent it, and I'm going to answer in earnest bc it really irks and upsets me.

First of all: I couldn't possibly ship them any harder than they ship themselves. If asked, I'm sure they'd very much agree with me describing what they are doing as flirting (or something similar). And there's nothing wrong with that? It's all harmless fun and feeds into our excitement for Malex. Big fucking deal.

However, I'm under no illusion that they could possibly be a couple irl. Apart from identifying as straight, Vlamis is clearly very happy in his relationship with Aurora (and vice versa), and I have the utmost respect for that (they are cute af together, and I wish them nothing but eternal happiness, if anything, I'm shipping their love!).

Tyler's personal life/relationship status on the other hand is exactly that: personal. I appreciate everything he's sharing, but I'm not going to speculate about intimate details (I get tons of asks about that regularly, and they all remain unanswered bc it's none of my fucking business 🤷‍♀️).

So, am I going to stop doing what I do regarding Vlamburn on social media or the way I post about them? Hell no, why would I? It's all harmless fun and very much on par with what they are doing. There's nothing "inappropriate" or "disrespecting" about my posts, and honestly, if there are people who can't differentiate between the harmless flirty fun they are providing, and assuming they are fucking irl, that's on them, not me.

I'm not responsible for how people read their relationship - which imo is that of two colleagues (who also happen to be good friends) who are clearly very fond of each other, adore each other, and have zero issues with intimacy, innuendo, or riling each other up in the comment sections. Do I believe they are a couple or fuck irl? No, I don't. Do I imply any of that in my posts? Also no.

They are (willingly and fully aware) playing into a fantasy, where sometimes the lines between the fictional couple they play on screen, and their rl friendship can get a bit blurry, but never in a way that would make me think there's actually more.

If anyone else does that, that's their thing (and I'm not shaming here, just keep it away from the actors), but I'm certainly not running an RPF blog here, where I promote the illusion that they are secretly a couple.

whenever you say something people take it as godspeak

Uhm... WHAT??? I'm fairly certain that's not the case. I have zero authority (least of all any kind of godly authority) over anyone. We're all just fans here. I happen to have an active blog, yes, but I'm only stating my personal opinion here, and I'm trying to provide information and facts, and that's it.

I'm not here telling anyone what to ship, how to ship it, or what not to ship. And really, for all I care, as long as no harm is done to any real persons (especially the actors themselves), if people want to ship Vlamburn "for real", go forth and do whatever floats your boat. RPF is first and foremost a fantasy, a what-if. And lbr, these two make it REALLY easy to imagine things.

I understand that it's not for everyone, and the concept of RPF/RP shipping makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable. And that's perfectly valid. No one has to like it.

But again, unless the actors are being roped into anything, are made feeling uncomfortable, or people do shit like attack Aurora for being with Vlam (to my knowledge none of this has happened, and I hope to god that it never will!), and as long as it's strictly kept in fandom circles, I have no issues with it.

You stopped identifying as bisexual but you shouldn't throw us all under the bus

And this is the part of your ask where I got angry and irritated and then really upset. What the everloving fuck are you talking about???

Last time I checked (THIS VERY SECOND), I'm as bisexual as ever. I've fought fucking hard to claim that label for myself, and just bc I also happen to identify as demi/gray-A, that doesn't make me any less bisexual.

Demi for me is just an additional identifier that describes a little more closely how I feel. I don't identify as asexual tho. I love and cherish the ace community, and I feel very close to them, but I am 100% bisexual, and no one gets to tell me I'm not. Fucking hell. How dare you!

Srsly, I'm so pissed about this. Do you have any idea how hard it is to come to terms with how you feel, how fucking hard it is to find labels that might fit, and then claim any of them for yourself, always doubting, always worrying you're not "bi enough"?

And then some holier-than-thou queer police asshole on the internet comes along and tells you you're not what you know is your truth? Don't ever do that to anyone else, it fucking sucks.

Thanks for making me angry and upset, I really didn't need that today (or any other day).

And really, where and how am I "throwing anyone under the bus"??? The way I identify has nothing to do with this blog, the way I post, and least of all with whether anyone thinks Vlamburn are more than friends/colleagues.

Man, next time you consider sending an ask like this to someone you claim you "love", think again. And then don't type any of this BS into a tiny box and send it to a real person.

Thanks for making an otherwise happy day unnecessarily more shitty.

[oldfritz]

I'm genuinely curious and don't want to start something! Just wanted to ask what you make of the 'Old Fritz might've been asexual' take, I don't know much about him and I feel you're one of the best people to ask esp since you lean towards 'he was probably queer in some way' too

Hey there! So, first off, don’t ever worry about me interpreting you asking me a question as starting something. As much as I love making dumb jokes about the guy, I love nothing more than doing this kind of stuff and defending or explaining my points. There’s two degrees I want to get over the next decade: first my JD and then my MA in Prussian history. I live for this stuff! Always have! Second off, I’m very sorry for not getting to this sooner. Things have been incredibly stressful for me for a variety of different reasons which have made answering your question, until now, rather difficult. Putting this under a cut because, holy shit, it got long!

My personal reasoning for why I think he’s bi (which, correct me if I’m wrong, I’m assuming is what you meant instead of ace and could be a different post entirely since some historians have tried to argue that) stems more to do with some of my lingering questions about the nature of his relationships with certain woman, rather than that of his relationships with men. To me and my modern, queer eye, Fritz’s relationships with men like Hans Hermann von Katte, Francisco Algarotti, Michael Gabriel Fredersdorf, and (much to my personal vexation) one Monsieur Voltaire are either outright homosexual/homoerotic in nature or very, very easily lend themselves to that interpretation rather than strictly romantic friendships (which Wikipedia does a fairly good overview of and, if you’re coming to me from AmRev perspective, uses Hamilton and Laurens’ relationship as a familiar example). While I’m avoiding those relationships in this ask, I’d be more than happy to elaborate upon one/all of them in a different one. 

Before I go into the big pauses that Fritz’s relationships with Madame von Wreech and Countess Orzelska give me, I want to deny the use of Fritz’s wife as an example of Fritz’s attraction to woman. While this, admittedly, may sound odd, we have ample evidence of how turned off and repulsed Fritz found Elisabeth Christine. Before he had even met her, Fritz was complaining about how she was ‘not very pretty, speaks but little, and acts like a blockhead’ (Asprey, 87) and, later, admitted to Grumbkow his plan to ‘keep my word,...get married, but afterwards it will be a case of that is that, and goodbye, Madame, and fare thee well’ (Jones, 52). For Christ’s sake, the man pitied her knowing how his treatment would leave her as ‘one more unhappy princess in the world’! Which is little consolation when you remember he also referred to her with such romantic terms as ‘this unpleasant creature,’ ‘the abominable object of my desires,’ ‘the person,’ and claimed to have preferred to marry ‘the biggest whore in Berlin’ (Asprey, 87). And while we (fortunately? unfortunately?) know quite a bit about their sex life, Fritz largely regarded it as just another duty - to quote him, ‘I will only have the duty to fuck’ (Ibid, 87). And while Seckendorf heard - first, presumably from Count von der Schulenburg and, later on, Count Friedrich von Wartensleben, a close and intimate friend of the then-crown prince - that Fritz would ‘fuck and refuck’ Elisabeth Christine and that said act occurred in the afternoon, it still was out of a sense of obligation (Bely, 481-2). When reminded that if he wanted more money for frivolities, he’d need to produce an heir, Fritz bemoaned that he ‘cannot sleep with my wife out of desire, and when I do sleep with her, I do it out of duty rather than inclination’ (Clark, 50). All this in accumulation, as well as the myriad of other quotes and incidents I’ve left out, makes one wonder why his relationship with Elisabeth Christine is sometimes used by historians to prove any sort of heterosexual impulse in the man when she’s the woman with the weakest supports for that argument.

That being said, now we get to the women with a more muddled places in his romantic escapades, if you will. What exactly happened between Orzelska and Fritz during his trip with his father to Dresden in 1728? The main source for everything that occurred during this trip is Wilhelmina, who didn’t attend and without anything about this specific incident coming from Fritz or Friedrich Wilhelm I, make it rather hard to use as concrete, irrefutable proof. Now, if her recollections were contemporaneous - like coming from a diary or journal she kept at the time - that would be one thing. But it comes from her memoirs which, while a delightful read 10/10 recommend, are written decades after this trip took place and, memory being a finicky thing, can’t be taken to the bank. All those disclaimers, here’s the story as told by her:

‘One evening...,the King of Poland [note: Augustus II] insensibly led the King of Prussia to a very richly decorated room...The King of Prussia, delighted with what he saw, stopped to contemplate all its beauties, when [all of] a sudden a tapestry was rolled up, which procured him a very novel sight. It was a lovely female in a state of nudity [note: Countess Orzelska, the Polish king’s daughter], carelessly reclined on a couch. Her beauty excelled that of the finest pictures of Venus and the Graces; her body seemed of ivory, whiter than snow, and better shaped than that of the Venus de Medicis at Florence.

...Scarcely had the King cast his eyes on the fair one, than he turned about with indignation; and seeing my brother behind him, he rudely pushed him out of the room, and left it immediately after in a violent irritation against the trickery they had attempted to practice on him. ...In spite of the King’s vigilance, [Frederick] had had time to contemplate the Venus of the closet, who did not cause him so much horror as she had done to his father. (Wilhelmina’s Memoirs, vol. 1, 107-6)

Wilhelmina then goes on to claim Fritz had fallen ‘passionately in love’ with Orzelska and that the illness Fritz experienced upon returning home was simply being lovesick. Pinning the accuracy of this story is incredibly difficult because, again, we have only one source relayed decades after the fact and from two volumes of memoirs known to have inaccuracies. While I, personally, would love if he had had a tryst with Orzelska (who is such a badass in her own right and deserves more recognition than as a footnote in this guy’s story), there’s no one way to say with more than 30% confidence. I am inclined to believe something along these lines happened because if someone told me a story like this, lord knows I wouldn’t forget it for the rest of my life. And, with Wilhelmina being so close with her brother, it lends a bit more credence but as to the actual emotional or physical response Fritz had to it, well, without my time machine, I can’t and don’t want to say.

With Madame Eleonore-Louise von Wreech, things are a little more concrete. For starters, Fritz actually talked about her! In written correspondence that survived! We even have seven letters between the two of them that survived, which is a bigger win! As Blanning says, they’re ‘ardent but light in tone, ironic, almost flippant, and highly stylized’ (Blanning, 58). Their relationship was known to those close with Fritz at the time that Schulenberg felt compelled to visit and warn the crown prince against devoting himself to women because ‘the slight pleasures gained cause a million displeasures.’  Fritz’s response? To tell the poor guy that he may have ‘the gift of continence, but I assure you that I do not’ (Asprey, 83-4). Firtz even went so far as to send a letter to her mother, waxing poetic about Louise’s ‘beauty, her majestic air, her bearing, and her entire department.’ It’s worth noting that Louise eventually broke off the affair due to being bored by how he ‘loved [her] too much and often annoyed [her] with his clumsy love’ (Ibid, 84). Contemporaries, including Friedrich Wilhelm, believed Fritz had impregnated her with a daughter who her ‘cuckolded husband would refuse to recognize’ (Blanning, 58). Blanning is the only source I’ve seen dispute this due to this news coming from Seckendorf, who didn’t reveal how he came about this information; that Fritz and Madame von Wreech’s correspondence doesn’t indicate a physical relationship; and on the fact that she was not pregnant. I haven’t been able to find the birth dates or any sort of records for Louise’s two daughters to figure out where their conception could’ve been in the timeline and if it matches with the likely dates for the affair, but I also don’t have the resources Cambridge would afford Blanning. Either way, while the physical nature of the affair is in dispute, the emotional aspect certainly was there. Especially when taking into consideration the fact that she’s the woman Fritz was likely referring to in the 16 August 1737 letter to Voltaire where he claimed she had taught him how to love (and also inspired him to write poetry, which we shouldn’t be thankful for). Specifically, all these years later, he stated how ‘this little miracle of nature possessed every possible charm, together with good taste and delicacy. She sought to transfer these qualities to me. I succeeded well in love but poorly in poetry. Since that time I have very often been in love and have always been a poet’ (Fritz’s Oeuvres, vol. 21, 96).

All this to say, there’s a bit too much evidence of some degree of opposite-gender attraction in Fritz to completely write off the possibility that he could’ve been bisexual. While it’s undeniable he held a preference for men and that’s whose company he typically enjoyed, I still do find it interesting the two exceptions (one potential and the other with a fair degree of certainty) to this. And, while I would never want his attraction to men be minimized in favor of that to women, it still remains important to note to get the most comprehensive picture of the man.

[algumaideia]

I read more chapters of Loveless and more stuff that I think is worthy mention:

SPOILERS

Pip, a latina character says latinx. And as a latina I dislike it. It is just that this term doesn't work for Portuguese and Spanish speakers, but maybe it is different for latinos that were born/raised in English speaking countries. (Just use latino or latine please)

In the book there is a short talk about how being poc intersects with being queer. And since I'm a white closed ace, I'm not going to say if the author did it right. I just think it is nice this topic is talked about in the book.

Other interisting thing is a gay character being aphobic. Unfortunetely this is a thing, the lgbt community is, a lot of times, not accepting of aspec folks. And I think it is nice Alice talked about it. So, again if you don't feel like reading characters being aphobic, don't read this book. The aphobic character is framed as bad, as a "villain". But if this is not you're thing, that is not your thing.

Two thing that I forgot to put in my last post about the book:

1. How Georgia is always thinking: I know this person is attractive but I don't feel attracted to them. I never thought that. Maybe that is because I only discovered I was ace two weeks ago and I thought that just looking at someone and thinking they are good looking was feeling attracted to them. But I don't have those thoughts. It is just, wow this person is beautiful and that is it.

2. And she also says she doesn't have a type. And I kinda do?? Not in the way that with this type of person I have sexual thoughts, but I just tend to think that people who look in that certain way are more aesthetically attractive. Again, I just look and them and think: beautiful.

And now, this books it getting kinda good.

Seriously I'm so happy Georgia finally decided to talk with Sunil about his asexual flag pin. I was so tired of her trying to force herself to be in relationships, especially because she put Jason in the middle of that mess and I kinda like him. I get this is a thing aspec folks do, and this was a part of her journey. But I am mean and I didn't like her so I was just annoyed with her drama. And just asking all the time why she didn't speak with Sunil.

Btw Sunil is the only character I like. He is my fav character. Now let's talk about Sunil explaining asexuality to Georgia:

I'm gonna put quotes of the book here.

[ID: Dialogue from Loveless:

'So...' I thought about this 'That means... you don't want to have sex with anyone?'

He chuckled. 'Not necessarily. Some asexual people feel that way. But some don't'

Now I was just confused. Sunil could tell /.end ID]

And this is relatable. I also was confused about this. The difference between looking at someone and thinking about doing sex and just wanting to do sex. So yeah, nice.

[ID: Dialogue from Loveless:

'Some asexuals still enjoy having sex, for a whole variety of reason,' he continued. 'I think that's why a lot of people find it confusing. But some asexuals don't like sex at all, and some are just neutral about it. Some asexuals still feel romantic attracton to people - wanting to be in relationships, or even kiss people, for example. But others don't want romantic relationships at all. It's a big, big spectrum with a whole range of different feelings and experiences. And there's really no way to tell how one specific person feels, even it they openly describe themselfes as asexual.' /.end ID]

I liked this part, I think it explained the ace spectrum quite well. I mean is the first time Georgia has a real contact with what asexuality means.

[ID: Dialogue from Loveless:

...didn't understand. 'Asexuality means I'm not sexually attracted to any gender. So I don't look at men, or women, or anyone, and think, wow, I want to do sexy stuff with them'

This made me snort. 'Does anyone actually think stuff like that?'

Sunil smiled, but it was a sad smile. 'Maybe not in those exact words, but yes, most people think stuff like that'

This shook me. 'Oh' /.end. ID]

I also didn't believe when I discover that happened and books, movies, series do not exaggerate when they portray sexual attraction. Like, it is just so weird to think that people just feel sexual attracion for strangers. Really, how? How can you look at someone and have sexual thoughts/desires about them???

Sunil is homoromantic. That is all I needed to know. Now I'm oficially shipping him with Jason. Is this because they are the only characters I like in this book? Yes, but I don't care.

[ID: Dialogue from Loveless:

'So romantic attraction is different from sexual attraction?'

'For some people they feel like different things, yes.' said Sunil. 'So some people find it useful to define those two aspects of their attraction differently.'

'Oh.' I didn't know how I felt about that. What I felt was so whole - it didn't feel like two different things.

'Jess- she's aromantic, meaingn she doesn't feel romantic attraction for anyone. She's also bisexual. She won't mind me telling you that. She finds a lot of people physically attractive, but she just doesn't fall in love with them.'/.end ID]

I also think it is nice Alice made sure to say asexuality and aromantism are two different things and people can be one without being another. They are not the same thing. They come from the lack of two different types of attractions. And it is nice we have our mc, who is obviously aroace, a gay ace character and a bi aro character. Different aspec people. And just a warning, Georgia has a aphobic(?) reaction to it. She thinks it is sad Jess is aromantic and cannot love the people she feels physically attracted to.

This is not like a deep analysis, but overall I liked it. It is a good first contact with asexuality and aromantism. But Idk maybe people feel other way??

Best regards,

Me.

Ps. I hope I did the image description is right.

[raayllum]

Do you think Platonic Rayllum would've been better than Romantic Rayllum or would it be the same? (This is not an anti post, I myself an a Rayllum shipper and I really love them)

So we’re gonna go on a deep aroace dive here. I will be providing terms and definitions as I go along, but if anything is confusing for anyone reading, please feel free to ask me by leaving another message in my inbox, or a quick google search. Both are great resources. 

For people who are aro or ace or both, like me, a lot of this may be familiar to you! For people who aren’t, particularly those who are cishet (sexually and romantically), strap in for a learning experience, lmao. 

I’ve talked before about Rayllum as a platonic relationship (i.e. not romantic) and its validity as a dynamic preference, aka, some people would have preferred Rayla and Callum to remain good friends and not develop romantic feelings for each other. My perspective on that remains the same. Totally valid, I have ships where I feel like they would’ve been better off as friends (even for no particular reason), etc. 

I’ve also written on what Rayllum’s romance adds to their own bond before, here, specifically in season three. 

Cause there’s actually three different relationship options for Rayllum, two of which are platonic.

Platonic Rayllum: no romantic feelings, they’re best friends, end up with other people (if they end up with anyone), what people are almost always talking about when they say “i wish they’d stayed friends / they were forced” 99.9% of the time. One of the very first pieces I wrote for the fandom leaned into this lens

Romantic Rayllum: what’s happened canonically, aka the evolution of best friends to best friends and lovers (not to, okay), widely loved and supported by the fandom since s2 in particular, shipping is fun, romance is fun. Usually also includes physical (sexual) attraction. 

Queer Platonic Rayllum: what I mean, 90% of the time, when I label something as platonic Rayllum. A life partnership between two people based upon friendship and emotional compatibility. No romance, but they would live with and prioritize each other the way most people would in a monogamous marriage.

I’m on the aro spectrum - alterous, to be specific, which means romantic and platonic attraction go hand in hand for me and separating the two is very, very difficult when both are present. Romantic attraction never pops up for me without also having strong platonic attraction. So I don’t even think I know what ‘pure romantic’ feelings even feel like, to be perfectly honest. 

And that undeniably affects how I view and have always viewed Rayllum. And I know I’m not the only one. A lot of people in the Rayllum fandom are aspec in some way (ace, aromantic, both, or on one or both of those spectrums). Like a lot. Demisexual Rayla and demiromantic Callum are like, semi mainstream headcanons in the fandom. Aspec headcanons are almost never popular, at least not as anything other than a way to get a character out of the way of another ship. Not in terms of shipping two aspec characters together. That’s a big deal.

But, to get my focus back on track again: 

One of the main reasons I leaned towards romantic Rayllum as a preference, both personally and narratively in S1, is because it’s actually harder for them to want to be together / life partners. That means living as an elf-human couple, figuring out where to live, their relationship being an embodiment of the show’s themes and the change they were trying to create in their world. That is a super strong narrative foundation for a relationship (especially for a show that’s blatantly about healing rifts, rather than stopping a war of clear cut imperialism, like ATLA). And yeah, shipping can be fun; it can be cute and blushy and I do experience elements of romantic attraction. Why not?

Platonic ‘just’ friends Rayllum ignores all of that narrative groundwork. There’s no embodiment, no struggle, no achievement. And people are definitely allowed to have their preferences, by all means - but yeah, I do think romantic Rayllum is thematically stronger for the show, for even more reasons beyond just narrative. 

Because the third option is a QPR (queer platonic relationship). I’ve never seen a QPR in media before. Usually, it’s between two men or two women, who are always shipped together, which makes me think of competing representation needs, bc on one hand - they’re not together because of heteronormativity - and on the other hand, fans thinking any close same-sex relationship has to be romantic can also fall into assumptions of amatonormativity. Either way, neither of us get any representation, as the relationship usually ends when one marries and moves on to their ‘proper’ life partner, or it’s a platonic life partnership they’ve ended up in due to other circumstances (divorce late in life, etc.) from their heterosexual romantic partnership. Not something they actively chose.

QPRs just mean no romance. That doesn’t mean everyone in a QPR is aromantic (although often, it’s a relationship many aros pursue), just that they’re not romantically attracted to each other (or if they are, it’s not in the traditional alloromantic way / not the relationship’s priority). But what that means in word and deed can be specific to each QPR, as a queer platonic relationship can still include:

getting married

not getting married

living together

kissing

no kissing

having sex (after all, there are people who are aromantic but not asexual)

not having sex

having children

raising children together

A platonic life partnership, but a life partnership in every way that matters all the same. This is Your Person. Period. You make all the big life decisions together. You love each other deeply. 

First and foremost, Rayla and Callum are each other’s partner. That’s been clear to me ever since 1x03, where they share a nod before the mission officially begins. 2x03 just doubled down on that for me, when Callum actively chooses / trusts Rayla over the girl he has a crush on. Platonic partnership > romantic attraction. 

So Rayllum as a QPR is how I see them if they weren’t the ‘traditional’ romantic couple. That lets me keep all the narrative groundwork I mentioned earlier. Because they still live together, and have to decide where to live together, and are still each other’s primary partner. 

There’s no world to me where they aren’t Partners. They live in the perfect intersection of my alterousness, and I love it, and it means a lot to me. And this is an attitude I’ve seen reflected heavily in the fandom from both aspec people and not, and it’s super nice because again, that isn’t the norm in most fandom spaces. It’s one of the reasons the Rayllum fandom is so special to me.

The thing is, writing a QPR in children’s media would be extremely hard. Because as I’ve already outlined, a QPR can have tenets that are 99.9% of the time portrayed as romantic. The only thing that makes some QPRs not ‘romantic’ is the intention of the people within that relationship and what they feel for each other. They aren’t romantically attracted to each other, then none of the interactions are romantic, period, but the actions, commitment, and shared life goals can all be the same as it would be in any other ‘romantic’ relationship. Nor am I expecting a show as tightly plotted as TDP to have the time to discuss all of this in depth the way that it would need to be, and given that is a kid’s show first and foremost - ie. 4-9 years old - discussions of asexuality don’t need to fit in that yet, as being ace does often contribute to the reality of a QPR as well. 

Should we have characters in children’s media who don’t have crushes on anyone, and that’s portrayed as normal? Yes, absolutely. That’s a very achievable form of representation for aro people and ace people (some ace people get crushes very easily, some don’t, so it all varies). But again, when it comes down to romantic attraction, when you examine it far enough, a feeling or action is only romantic because you deem it to be, and that’s going to be different for everyone. 

What matters to me, most of all, is narrative groundwork being brought to fruition. Especially when healthy, interracial m/f ships are still in desperate need of representation. So yeah, for the sake of simplicity, it’s a lot easier to portray to children a relationship that is healthy, supportive, with a balance of emotional labour and a strong foundation of friendship first and foremost, that also happens to include romantic feelings. 

Baby ace me lived for these types of relationships in fiction, that weren’t built primarily on tension, fighting, or subjective chemistry of any kind, but instead on how love could be predicated on easy emotional intimacy, friendship, devotion, and positive transformation (Peach/Mario from the Super Mario video games, Katara/Aang from ATLA was another, as was the movie “A Walk To Remember”). They were the only things that made me feel like I could have the sort of romantic (or not) partnership that I desperately wanted - and now have.

I will not be surprised, whatsoever, if Rayla and Callum come to occupy a similar spot in the hearts of the next generation of kids growing up ace and aro when they look back on their childhood. 

But beyond simplicity, then, why do I still lean a lil bit towards romance? Or perhaps, the first question is, what would have to change about the show for me to not want them romantically together (in canon - shipping something only in a fanon way is its whole other thing)?

Namely, Claudium. One of the reasons I like Rayllum is because post-s1, I always thought that Callum would get his heart broken in season two. Him getting a second chance at love, and to be loved this time in turn, is incredibly sweet. Asian guys aren’t often seen as desirable love interests, either, so there’s a nice bit of representation there as well. 

So if Callum never had the crush on Claudia, and it was a purely platonic relationship? One of many chunks in favour of romantic Rayllum would be lost, for his character. That, and pushing Rayla - who always likes to be calm, cool, collected, in control - into something as wildly out of her control as romantic affection is just another great, flustered side to her.

At the end of the day, romantic Rayllum is more fun to me. To explore, to write about, and in the early days to theorize on. I get the life partners, I get the flustered interactions, the strong platonic feels, and more. And usually when I have an OTP, they sit in this sort of alterous sweet spot - platonic life partners always, no matter what, with a little bit of romance thrown in if I want them to be, because that’s honestly exactly how my romantic attraction and relationships work. 

And I’m just so grateful that Rayllum exists, exactly as it does. I wouldn’t change a thing. 

Sincerely, Your resident Aro-spec Ace

[citadelspires]

Been thinking a lot about gender lately (I say as if I am not always thinking about gender) and I have reached a point where it fully has settled in how much the world and everyone in it is so strictly enforcing the binary in a way that just absolutely sucks, and even infects my own way of thinking despite my being a non-binary individual. Honestly I’ve had a lot of personal revelations about how my own thought processes and such have been rewritten by the binary focus, and since thinking about that and finding those points in myself so I can combat those binary focuses I’ve been so much happier with gender related things and my mental health has been better. So this post is being made in hopes someone else finds it helpful too.

The main point of thinking and realization I’ve been doing is how the binary is so strictly enforced by so many people in so many spaces. That’s the biggest issue honestly. LGBTQ+ people might be reading this and be like “oh yeah it’s so annoying how the Straightsᵀᴹ do that” but like. no. I wish I wish LGBTQ+ spaces didn’t do that. But honestly? In both my own personal experiences and in so many of the ways I’ve seen time and time again the LGBTQ+ community, especially on online spaces, reinforce their own version of the binary, the death grip so many queer people and communities have on the binary view of the world is even worse.

There’s a lot of things I want the general world to handle better when it comes to non-binary gender viewpoints. But in the end, all of those desires are quality of life things, I don’t actually care what they think of me. But the queer community is supposed to be the space where inclusion and acceptance is happening. This is the place where I am expecting to have the fact that gender isn’t binary respected, and to have people act like it. And people really like to think that just saying “oh yeah non-binary people are valid” is doing that. There’s so much more to it.

To be honest this obsession with the binary isn’t even limited to hurting non-binary people, if anything they’re not even the ones getting the worst of it. Really paying attention and actually getting into it I feel like queer spaces, especially online, have created our own brand of purity culture. And it fucking sucks. I’m not just throwing around buzzwords there, it’s seriously happening. There’s a hive mentality of like. A girl needs to always be interested in other girls or femmes and no one else. A boy can only be interested in other boys or mascs or no one else. As if there isn’t so many other ways humans can express themselves and their relationships that are just as queer. And sometimes even the people who are willing to admit that those types of queer relationships exist maintain the obsession with Pure Queer kind of, anything less than the ���gayest possible option” (a sentiment that already makes me want to throw up) is inherently lesser. Do y’all know how many people this fucks up?

This hurts nonbinary people

This hurts ace people.

This hurts aro people.

This hurts bi people.

This hurts pan people.

This hurts straight trans people.

It’s fucked up.

And even beyond the scope of relationships the obsession with binary reaches all the way into peoples personal identities, which is where my experiences as a non-binary person really show up in this.

The response to coming out as non-binary is consistently (or at least consistently enough to be deeply unsettling) an expectation that you will choose to be transfemme, transmasc, or a literal perfect balance of androgyny.

We have no obligation to base our gender around the only two people are willing to respect.

The non-binary experience is NOT drawing a line between “Male” and “Female” and then picking a spot to land on. The non-binary experience is vast, three-dimensional, and beautiful. We didn’t stop limiting ourselves to one of the binary options just so we could pick from three or four variations. There are countless genders and options and your relationship with your own gender is something no one else has the right to dictate. Regardless of how it makes people feel, non-binary people are allowed to have genders that cannot and should not be forced into an explanation revolving around its relativity to the binary.

It’s insanely frustrating because as much as there is an expectation for amab nb people to become transfemme/androgynous or afab nb people to become transmasc/androgynous as if nb is just Diet mtf/ftm Trans, even people talking about how “we should respect non-binary people who are comfortable aligning closer to their birth gender” (which, Yeah Of Course We Should) leave out the part where Those Aren’t The Only Three Options.

I’ll be honest. I was born male. When I was questioning my gender and settling on non-binary I defaulted to sprinting in the direction of femme because that just felt like what I was supposed to do. And for a while there it was alright, because I had spent so much time perceiving myself as a male that the perception of femme was fine. But eventually it began to weigh on me, and it began to have all of the problems that being male in the first place had.

I did not escape one binary prison just to lock myself in a different one.

I’m not masc. I’m not femme. I don’t owe you androgyny to your desired specifications. I’m non-binary. When it comes to how I’m non-binary and what that looks like. The only one who gets to decide that is me.

For a long time I hated how I looked. I felt this desire, this Need, for my body to look different, to be different. For many trans people (newsflash non-binary people are trans, get used to it) that’s totally a valid thing! It’s okay to not be comfortable in your body. But for me? At least in terms of my prior desire to change aspects of myself, that desire was motivated by a need to “Look More Non-Binary.” That’s the problem. I’m supposed to need and want all this stuff to have my non-binary card be validated or whatever. But honestly? I’ve had a revelation, I actually don’t really mind my body or how I look. I kinda like it actually. I was so focused on the external certainty that “this is what a non-binary person looks like” I wanted to meet these qualifications without ever really thinking about how I personally felt about them.

Here’s the thing.

There is nothing I will ever be able to do in my entire life that will make me look more non-binary. That entire thought process is laughably backwards.

Non-binary is not something I can change myself to look like.

I already am. Nonbinary looks like me.

[ineffable-endearments]

Okay. Now I'm going to submit some theories about how I think Crowley and Aziraphale specifically are going to go in the future of Good Omens.

Again, this post is not really...specific theorizing about plot events. It's big-picture stuff.

With that said, this post will get a bit heavy at times, in the sense that it will contain opinions that not everyone will like. It drifted into rambling about queerbaiting and all that stuff. I'm not going to spam anyone's dashboard with drama over it, but it's very possible someone else might try. It's also not really a negative post, depending on what you want to hear, I suppose. But if you're only in the mood to read fluff today, you'll probably want to pass it up.

Oh! Also it's very long, and sexuality is discussed in a vague way that doesn't involve any story elements or body parts.

For starters, I don't think Good Omens 2 - or even 3, if that comes about - is going to have anything explicitly sexual or romantic between the two of them, where "explicit" is things like the characters giving outright definitions of their relationship or outright discussing exactly what goes on between them, either on or off-screen. I also don't think there's going to be kissing or "hooking up" (come on...that person on Twitter shouldn't have even asked). Those actions are too blatant for what Neil has already said about the series. While they technically leave some room for interpretation, they probably don't leave enough.

I DO think it's quite possible other characters will continue to define the relationship FOR them and Crowley and Aziraphale will continue to not deny it.

As far as the queerbaiting debate, "is Good Omens queerbaiting"...it's gonna depend how you define it. I always learned that queerbaiting was basically where the creators intentionally make it look like a character is gay or otherwise queer but then swap that character development out for a cis identity and hetero relationship at the end. The point is that the "bait" leads to queer audiences being actively hurt. That's the behavior that seems awful to me, and I don't see Neil and company doing that.

However, I think it's far and away the most likely option that it will be left up to interpretation whether Crowley and Aziraphale are, you know, a buddy duo or a romantic couple or some sort of ineffable queerness all their own off-screen. So if your definition of queerbaiting is "the characters seem gay to us, but homophobes can tell themselves they're not," then yes, I think that debate will follow us to our graves if we let it.

I am a cisgender, possibly straight (?? demi/bi? I might never find out) woman. There is absolutely no way I could ever tell anybody, ESPECIALLY not gay guys and nonbinary people - the people Crowley and Aziraphale tend to resemble the most - how to feel about their treatment in the story. All I can offer is that I'm one flawed individual and there are things I have the emotional capacity to handle and things I don't. Crowley and Aziraphale as both a canon construct and a fandom pairing mean an absurd amount to me, and I can't hang around in spaces where people are constantly talking about how my own interpretations of them are not enough, or how the story is written with ill intentions. I don't want to stop anybody from venting about it, but I am going to be removing myself from those situations.

I like to imagine 1990 NeilandTerry, or TerryandNeil, as a sort of two-headed God who came up with Crowley and Aziraphale, set them loose on Creation, and now are watching them get up to way more ridiculous stuff in the brains of their fans than they'd ever imagined in the first place. I like to imagine them watching, amused and bemused, as their creations fall in love in thousands of universes, and saying, "Well, we didn't specifically Plan for this, but we did promise free will."

This is psychoanalytical toward a public figure and is therefore a bit dangerous, so please take it with an entire mountain of salt, but I sometimes think perhaps Neil sees some of his and Terry's friendship in Crowley and Aziraphale, and suspect that he wants to reserve the possibility that they could be platonic because he and Terry were platonic, while at the same time leaving room for the fans to have their own interpretations, too. Because if there's one thing that comes up really frequently with Neil, it's his belief in imagination and how much stories matter to people. He can have his little corner of the universe where A and C reflect himself and Terry, and we can have...literally anything we want, as long as we're willing to extrapolate just a little bit from canon. It's not even that much extrapolation! It's just "Yes, they love each other, so what exactly does love mean to you?" and if love means kissing, well then, if we can think it, we can have it.

Given that Neil has written LGBT+ characters before, I think he has non-bigoted reasons for wanting Aziraphale and Crowley to remain undefined, and given even the small chance that those reasons may involve the grieving process for a dead friend, I believe it is unkind to argue with him about it or hold his reputation hostage over it.

With that said, do I want canon kissing/hooking up/all that stuff we put in fics? Listen, I can't deny that I do! Personally, I'd be over the moon. I'd probably be so happy I'd have to go to the hospital to get sorted out. Even the thought of it makes me giddy and light-headed, because that physicality is a part of my own experience of love.

However, there are a lot of people who would feel left behind if that happened. Ace and aro people in the fandom whose love for their friends and partners is just as strong as mine, but who are sex-repulsed or just don't want to see kissing on-screen. The loss of Crowley and Aziraphale as a pairing who are extremely easy to interpret as queerplatonic would be hurtful to them, and I do not want to see them hurt like that. I don't think Neil does, either.

So, once again, the "best for everyone" option becomes a really strong canon relationship based in both narrative function and profound affection, which has genuinely thoughtful queer undertones and leaves open the logical possibility for romantic or sexual encounters but does not insist that they must happen. People, especially fans who are super invested, tend to have an easier time imagining scenarios that take place off-screen (e.g. kissing, sex) than they have erasing scenarios that they've already seen in canon (e.g., if someone wished they could continue viewing it as an ace relationship but they were shown "hooking up"). Also, while relationships are super emotional and extremely subjective, I'd argue that in a long-term adult partnership, the non-sexual connection is more important than the sexual one. As a fan, I'd prefer to extrapolate "they love each other so maybe they'd have sex" rather than "they're sexually attracted to each other so maybe they'll intertwine their whole existences together."

It probably isn't necessary to add, but I will anyway: I'm aware that Good Omens is sort of sacrificing social leverage - the ability to whack homophobes over the head with canon if they try to deny the show's queerness - and is thus not really contributing to making specifically gay relationships more widely seen and accepted. However, I don't think all stories have to invest heavily in every social issue they touch on for them to still be meaningful. I also do think Good Omens is an excellent example of a relationship that is extremely profound without being heteronormative.

I don't think the next season is going to be a rom-com. It will likely not even be a "love story," where the definition of "love story" is "a story that follows the development of a relationship and employs certain plot beats to make its point." Remember that conflicts and breakups are key to love stories, so if it IS a love story, then we're going to have to watch the relationship get challenged in ways some of us might have thought were already resolved in season 1! And while that could be thrilling and ultimately very good, it would also be likely to undercut some of the careful headcanoning and analysis we've already done. Any sequel is going to do that to some degree, but a second love story would probably do it a lot, with interpretations that people are even more protective of.

I'm sort of thinking the next season is likely to be a fantasy-heavy mystery, only because those are the two concepts Neil's introduction led with - an angel with amnesia who presents Crowley and Aziraphale with a mystery. Crowley and Aziraphale's connection to each other can still absolutely be a major theme! It can still be the thread stitching the plot together! It just probably, in my opinion, won't escalate and escalate and escalate like it did in season 1. And it will probably be woven in there among a lot of other plot threads that are, in many moments, louder. Still, I'd love to be left with the impression of these two existences, the light and the dark, subtly becoming more intimate, subtly growing more comfortable in this shared place they've chosen in the universe, gradually starting to behave like they know they aren't alone in the world anymore, all while other things happen to and around them.

Nonsexual physical intimacy - a really great hug, or leaning together on the sofa, or a forehead touch, or something like those, something that could happen in a lot of different kinds of relationships but is undoubtedly based in deep trust and affection and a desire to be close...that's the dream, for me. Oh, how lovely it would be.

Of course, I could be just absolutely, embarrassingly wrong about all this. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

[modew]

Coming out to my parents wasn’t tragic, but it really sucked

Coming out to my parents as asexual was not one of the nicer moments in my life. It’s nothing tragic though. My parents aren’t the kind to treat me shitty or disown me. In fact they said all they care about was that I was happy and healthy.  

I just want to say upfront that this post will be me lamenting how awful coming out to my parents was despite the mentioned absence of tragedy. 

This is simply me being confronted for the first time with people who can’t even begin to grasp the concept of my identity. Who never in their lifetime will understand something as obscure as being asexual (I left out the part about me being aromantic). And honestly I don’t think they want to. Their world works in a certain way and that’s not really gonna change I guess.

So here goes me writing about how fucking awful it was to come out to my parents. I hit a serious low. I was devastated. I felt utterly shitty. I am pretty sure I cried buckets in front of my brother. For the first time the full force of alienation that comes with being a minority hit me. Explaining asexuality to my parents made me feel like I was removing myself farther and farther away from them. I felt like I was slowly drifting from the world that they inhabited. With every word I became less and less of a comprehensible being to them. I became something foreign. It was strangely dehumanizing almost.

For full disclosure, I did an utterly disastrous job at the whole explaining thing. Truthfully, I probably should have better prepared what to actually say. But I was like “I have done this spiel three times already, I’ll just wing it”...

So while I am trying to desperately explain to my parents something that they are clearly not understanding, I am not only struggling with frustration at that but also an incredible high level of discomfort. The sheer discomfort I felt was overwhelming although I had expected some, given that our relationship had never involved conversations like this before. Meaning conversations where I give them any insight about myself really. We talk about the weather, cooking, books, my dog and more stuff that is safely outside of the confines of a heartfelt conversation. You get the picture. 

So, like I said I expected to feel uncomfortable about laying myself open to my parents like that. But I hadn’t accounted for the full extent of what it would mean when a huge introvert like me suddenly thinks exposing myself is a grand idea. I had somehow overlooked the fact that I am the sort of person who protects their insides aggressively and doesn’t open up to people for fun.

Years of friendship to people that didn’t make me put up my armor had gotten me used to actually being comfortable with being myself around people. That hadn’t expanded to my parents but I somehow had ignored that fact. The thing is that in some ways I am really close to my parents. We all love each other, we all would drop anything immediately if any of us needed someone. At the same time I have not once had a heart to heart with my parents. It’s a true mindfuck of a relationship. Or maybe pretty common parent-child dynamic. Who am I to say?

Ok, so, exposing myself, letting people know anything real about me and making myself vulnerable is my worst nightmare. Established that.

When I came out to my parents all that hit me full force. And I was utterly unprepared. I had totally forgotten to put on my bulletproof vest. They didn’t even have to say anything I think. Just slowly having to open up more and more to them was enough for me to crumble behind my facade. Not that I realized until later. I only broke down when the conversation was over and I could flee from them. 

I needed a safe space. I needed to crawl into a warm cocoon. And by warm cocoon I mean I needed a space where I was with people that got me. That didn’t make me feel like an alien. That didn’t make me feel like I was removed from their world. I needed to talk to my friends who at least had a basic understanding of my identity and to whom queer identities weren’t an otherworldly, distant fact of life. I needed to go on AVEN and read about people who were like me. I needed to read a novel about an ace person. I needed to feel like this was real. Like this world that I belonged to was actually out there. That I wasn’t plucking things out of thin air. I existed. My identity existed.

Shit, now I am actually crying again. But it’s hard for me to describe what exactly I am feeling that makes me cry.

I think it’s probably that feeling that you feel if you are any minority. You realize you are not like the rest. And you never will be. I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard right now. Usually I am incredibly happy to be ace. I wouldn’t want to give it back for the world.

But I guess that doesn’t stop me from also feeling this staggering sense of alienation. I don’t even know why it’s a bad thing. Maybe it’s a basic human thing. Wanting to belong to one’s social group on some primal level. I don’t know. 

Or maybe it’s being hit with the realization that the whole world is not geared towards you? That nothing is intended for you?

In that moment what hit me the hardest though was simply that my parents couldn’t understand what I was anymore. And knowing that they never would.

-

[I wrote the above a while ago. I feel like I shouldn’t let it stand like that though.

If you haven’t come out yet and this is discouraging, I am really sorry. Discouraging people from coming out is not my intention. Mostly, I just needed to work through my feelings….But maybe someone can learn from my experience too.

I regret not giving myself more time. I realized I was ace in November and came out to my parents over Christmas. I wanted to tell them in person and the opportunity seemed perfect. I also misguidedly thought I had to come out to my parents. I still don’t think being in the closet would have worked for me but letting myself live a little with my new identity would have probably served me well. In hindsight I just don’t know why I felt like I absolutely had to come out to my parents.

The rest is probably individual. Like I said, being a huge introvert did not come in handy. But that doesn’t apply to everyone, the same as everyone having different relationships to their parents.

What I would suggest though is to not focus so hard on explaining what asexuality actually is. I would have done myself a huge favor if I had just told my parents that I had discovered I was asexual and then focus on how happy it made me. Explaining all the intricacies of the split model of attraction and all that is probably something better done in a separate conversation. I think the stress of coming out is enough for one conversation. If you know you are the sort of person who will be stressed by this, don’t take it all on at once. Also, I didn’t want to tell my parents to just google it. I was so adamant on explaining it myself. But I think it’s just fine to ask your parents or anyone really to read up on your identity on their own.]

[seachanqe]

Jon pulls open the box, and nestled within some white tissue paper is a ring: a simple dark black band. For a split second he studies it, utterly bewildered, before it clicks. Martin's here, nervous, presenting him with a ring. Martin's proposing to him.

I FINALLY wrote the fic based on the ace ring proposal post I made forever ago.

And, it happened to fit in nicely with the prompt "Misunderstandings" for The Magnus Writers h/c week!

Read on AO3 through the link above, or under the cut.

"Martin," says Jon fondly, when Martin comes back into their bedroom for the fourth time in a row without a word or an apparent reason, "Just tell me whatever it is already. Please?"

"Mm, what?" Martin asks, even though he was looking directly at Jon when Jon spoke to him. Martin's brow is furrowed in thought, his body tense with anxiety.

"Really, Martin, spit it out." Jon shakes his head but can't hide the warm smile on his face even if he tried. Things between them for the past week since they had arrived at the safe house had been good, wonderful even, as they tested out and fell into the habits of a new relationship.

Martin had gotten back from a trip to town not too long ago, and had seemed on edge about something since. But Jon isn't worried; he Knows there were currently no threats around, so whatever is bothering Martin is something they could solve together. He has no shortage of faith in that.

Now that he has Martin in the room for more than 3 seconds, he can see Martin is holding a small, black hinged box, like a jewelry box.

"What's that?" Jon asks lightly, nodding towards the box, compulsion held back like a breath.

"Oh!" Martin bites his lip, and glances down at his hands as if he's surprised there's something there. "This? Hah. Well, um. I, er? Got you something."

"Like… a gift?" Jon asks, bewildered. The word feels foreign on his tongue. He… can't remember the last time someone gave him any sort of present. Well. Maybe Prentiss' ashes. Jon cocks his head at it. What could it be this time? Some sand? Dust?

"Yeah, a-- a gift." Martin has a queer sort of look on his face, like he can't quite believe it either.

After several moments of quiet, Jon cannot stand the wait any longer. "You... said it was for me, right?"

"Yeah! Sorry, hah, here you go." Martin hands the black box over to Jon. Jon traces his thumb over the box as he takes it, enjoying its texture of smooth velvet.

"What's the occasion?" Jon asks, still studying the small box, before glancing up at Martin. Martin's brow is pinched and he worries his lower lip between his teeth.

"No occasion," he replies with a shrug. "Just saw something at a shop earlier today when I made the trip into town for groceries, and, uh. I thought of you?" Martin takes a deep breath, as if readying himself. "Listen, you don't have to keep it or wear it or whatever, especially if it makes you uncomfortable, and I--I hope this isn't inappropriate or--"

" Martin ." Jon steps forward, putting a hand on Martin's arm, steadily catching his gaze. "You're an incredibly thoughtful person. I'm sure I will love it."

Martin nods once, swallowing, and slips his arms around Jon's waist. "R-right. Thanks?" his voice wavering. "You haven't even opened it though," he says with a hint of reproach.

Jon sighs before leaning in to press a kiss to Martin's cheek, then immediately pulling back to admire the lovely flush of color that's spread across Martin's face. With some regret, he steps back to be able to open Martin's present; he'd rather spend more time in Martin's arms.

Jon pulls open the box, and nestled within some white tissue paper is a ring: a simple dark black band. For a split second he studies it, utterly bewildered, before it clicks. Martin's here, nervous, presenting him with a ring. Martin's proposing to him.

Jon could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he gazed down at the ring. He'd… actually never really thought about marriage before -- at least not in these terms. Marriage had always seemed for people in love, people who had things figured out -- normal couples that didn't include him. But, now, when he examined his future, all he saw was Martin.

He wanted Martin to be with him always, forever, and isn't that really what marriage was? Or should be? He wanted to wake up every morning and see Martin lying there beside him, be greeted by Martin's warm, soft, sleepy smile, have Martin in his arms. He wanted to be able to care for him, be cared for by him. He wanted to make sure Martin was happy like how happy Martin had made him. This past week had been like a dream, and now that he had a taste of what his life looked like with Martin in it, he couldn't go back. Sure, it may be a little hasty for this, but when had either of them done anything conventionally? Jon had already made Martin wait long enough. Jon could see the beauty in a spontaneous proposal, the romance, but what really spoke to him was making sure, no matter how much or how little time left they had together, with whatever Jonah was planning, Martin knew how much he cared for him, how much Martin meant to him, and how seriously he took their relationship.

"Uh, Jon?" Martin asks, nervously.

"Oh!" Jon gives himself a little shake out of his thoughts, excitement finally settling in. He had been keeping Martin waiting.

"Yes," Jon responds solemnly, but is unable to keep back a small smile as he gazes back at Martin. Though slightly uncertain about convention, he decides to just go ahead and put the ring on. He slips it on his left hand on his ring finger; it's slightly loose but, all things considered, fit rather well.

Jon holds up his hand to admire the black ring on it.  "I'd be honored to marry you."

Martin makes a choked sound and turns bright red; Jon steps forward immediately, concerned.

"Martin, what is it?"

Martin is still sputtering, his mouth opens and closes but no words come out. Jon isn't sure if he's ever seen Martin this flustered and… well, that's saying something. Especially after the other day when they were both rather wine drunk and Jon shared with Martin a number of affectionate ramblings, such as that Jon hadn't seen a more beautiful man in his life than Martin, and that Martin smelled good, like home.

Jon bites his lip, anxious dread settling low in his gut that he had done something wrong, messed this up somehow, to upset Martin like this. "Did I-- are you, are you happy? Martin," Jon pleaded, "what is it, please?"

Martin inhales sharply at Jon's beseeching tone, shaking his head rapidly. "Sorry, sorry! I'm just. Surprised?" his voice pitched higher than normal.

Jon frowns at this, trying to push aside the hurt uncurling in his chest. Surprised? Did he… expect Jon to say no? Did he think Jon wasn't the type? Or did he think Jon wouldn't want to ever marry him? But then why ask in the first place?

"I don't understand," Jon says slowly, cautiously, afraid his voice would waver. He pulls his arms to his chest and wraps them around his middle, his hands clinging to his sides tightly.

" Jon," Martin says, pained, hushed, apologetic. He sighs heavily. "The ring… it was meant as an--an ace ring. I thought I'd show support, you know? For you. I saw that ring at the shop, and it looked about your size, and I thought of you. I had done some reading after our talk last week, and this seemed… like fate or--or whatever. It felt right . To give it to you. I--" Martin swallows, before taking a shuddering breath, "I'm sorry that it was misleading, I love you, Jon. And…" Martin stops, brow furrowed, pensive.

As he listens to Martin speak, Jon swallows past the pin-pricked tightness in his throat, fighting the urge to flee. An ace ring was nice, lovely even. He had never owned one, had never gotten around to it. He already felt safe and assured in Martin's quiet but eager acceptance of him when he explained his asexuality to Martin last week, but this…this was everything. A wonderful, thoughtful gift. Despite this though, his face still burns with embarrassment that his initial thought when being presented with a ring from Martin was marriage, how utterly stupid could he be?

"O--oh. Right. I'm sorr--," Jon begins, after several seconds goes by without Martin saying anything else, and Jon does his best to sound unaffected, calm, nonplussed.

"No!" Martin interjects, holding out his hands, as if reaching for Jon, but stops short. " Please don't apologize, Jon, never. I think… now that you mention it--I, I would be honored," Martin's voice wavers, thick with emotion, "to marry you too."

"I--" Jon starts before Martin's words catch up to him. He blinks, trying and failing to process it all.

Martin finally, finally, bridges the gap between them, taking Jon's hands in his. Jon feels Martin's thumb pass over Jon's new ring, bumping up against it. Martin's hands are warm, his smile tentative and kind. Martin's always been kind though, even when Jon didn't deserve it.

"I love you, Jon. And if you think you'd be happy married to me--"

That jolts Jon into action. "Now hold on," he says indignantly. "'I think' nothing. I know I would be happy married to you. No, not happy. Joyously ecstatic and immensely lucky to be your husband."

To his pleasure, Martin is finally blushing again.

"Jon," Martin says, fondly exasperated.

"Martin. I mean it."

Martin let out an exaggerated sigh. "Fine," he says, smiling, squeezing Jon's hand. "If we were to do it, how would we go about it? I mean." Martin bites his lip. "Everything I know about weddings comes from movies, or…"

"Books?" Jon finishes with a wry smile. "It's the same for me. Hm. We can contact the registrar tomorrow… where is the nearest registrar?" he asked no one in particular before the information came to him with a hint of static. "Ah, perfect. There's one a town over, I bet we can call for a cab, or--"

"T-tomorrow?" Martin sputters, eyes wide.

Jon laughs, breathlessly giddy. "Well, we did already sort of elope, didn't we?"

Martin huffs a laugh back. "I guess… So are we really doing this? Are you being serious?" Martin said with a smile, tone carefully lighthearted, but Jon could hear and understood the fragile cautiousness underneath. They had both spent too long being hurt by the world.

Jon let go of Martin's hands, instead cupping Martin's face with one hand, the other wrapping around Martin's waist, drawing him close. Martin blinks rapidly as he scans Jon's face for a hint of a rejection, or a sign that Jon's joking, or something that would tell Martin that he wasn't wanted. Jon made sure he found none of that, as he calmly, resolutely stared back, thinking how lucky he really was to have Martin's love after everything they both had gone through.

"Martin, I--I can't see my future without you in it. I can't think of anything I'm more serious about."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Let's get married," Martin says, though he looks like he could still barely believe it.

Jon can barely believe it either after the emotional roller coaster of the past quarter hour. His heart and mind races, and he can't recall the last time he felt such combination of quiet contentment and near euphoria. As he starts mentally running through everything they'll have to do--like a cake! They can't have their wedding without a cake--Jon realizes a small issue.

"Just one problem." Jon pulls back slightly to look down at his left hand, where the black ring rests on his ring finger.

"Hm?" Martin quirks his head, bemused.

"Should I keep wearing this on my ring finger or move it to where ace rings are supposed to go?"

"Oh," Martin says with a laugh, looking a bit relieved. "Think of it as an engagement ring, but put it on your middle right. We don't do things traditionally anyway, do we?"

"No," Jon murmurs, finally leaning all the way forward so his head rests on Martin's shoulder. Martin's arms envelop him and hold him close, like he's something precious, and Jon takes a deep breath, relishing being surrounded by Martin (his softness, his scent, his heartbeat, the rise and fall of his chest, his warmth, his love) and the feeling of safety that brings. Jon thinks back to how many times over the years they had carefully danced around each other, going on lunch not-dates, quiet evenings of tea, emotionally laden looks and words, but, finally, here they were after years of folly, pain, and misfortune, together, navigating their relationship, no matter how unconventional it had progressed and came to be. "No, we don't."