#reading blame academy made me think about an actual blame academy

[jankillbride]

[ID: greyscale digital painting of a child version of Killy sitting on a ledge before an open door/portal way. He is wearing a schoolboy’s uniform with a hat. Behind him in the opening is a set of stairs leading away to a far distance, with statues positioned on the sides of the staircase. The opening is heavily shadowed. The ledge that Killy is sitting on is brick and in the lower right hand corner, there is a dark opening. Killy’s shadow on the bricks is also inconsistent. The background of the painting is grey with slight variations in color, done in vertical strokes. On the right, there is some exposed brick and there are some horizontal and vertical strips of grey gradients. There is an irregular shape that has the same gradient shading on the right, near the opening. End ID]

when the academy is noise >>>. click/open in new tab to see all the textures.

here’s a close up of killy’s face because you can’t super see it well in the full image.

oh and here’s a bonus image from a while ago:

[ID: digital sketch of a young Killy. He is standing, hands clenched at his sides, and looking off to the side with a disgruntled expression on. He is wearing a schoolboy’s uniform and a hat. End ID]

[elyvorg]

Kieran Part 1: It’s All About Strength

I’m a longtime Pokémon fan who happily plays through every mainline game, but I’ve never been more than mildly fond of the occasional character here and there, because Pokémon isn’t much for deep and nuanced character writing. Then I played The Teal Mask DLC and came out of it with many, many Feelings and Thoughts about Kieran – enough so that it warrants a full, juicy analysis about all of his subtleties and issues. I never expected I’d write one of these character analysis rambles of mine on a Pokémon character of all things, but here we are. Colour me surprised and impressed.

For anyone reading this in the future: this was written before The Indigo Disk came out and therefore only talks about the events of The Teal Mask. Assuming The Indigo Disk doesn’t completely drop the ball on the best character-writing job that mainline Pokémon has ever done (please; please don’t), there will probably be a Part 2 to this analysis coming in a few months. (Aaaaand here it is! But you should read this one first, of course.)

(I’ll be referring to the player character as “you” here for ease of wording, but rest assured, this doesn’t mean I’m accusing you the reader of any of the questionable ways the player character treats Kieran. I was also very annoyed at being forced to lie to him, believe me.)

His weakness, and your strength

Kieran is a kid gripped with a crushing sense of inferiority and weakness. We don’t see all of where this came from, although we get a pretty good idea of part of it – his sister. So many times when Kieran tries to protest against things and assert himself, Carmine snaps back at him for doing so. Over time, that kind of thing would have made him feel like he’s wrong for trying to stand up for himself, leading to him letting people walk all over him. I don’t want to give Carmine’s behaviour all of the blame for Kieran’s issues, though, because there’s bound to be more to it than that. I expect some of it also came from him being bullied and outcast during his time at Blueberry Academy – I hope The Indigo Disk gives us glimpses into what Kieran’s life there was like before all this.

As a result of feeling so weak and inferior, Kieran admires and idolises people he sees as strong. This becomes clear early on with how much he looks up to you just for being able to beat his sister, someone else he also sees as strong. Apparently, he couldn’t stop raving about how cool you were and how he wanted to battle you all evening back at home.

He doesn’t want you to know that, though, based on his protest when Carmine comes out and tells you so. Kieran's probably rather embarrassed for you to hear how much he idolises you, after all. He also seems to think his request for a battle would be annoying and a bother – he says “You don’t mind?” in surprise when you accept, even though asking people for battles is supposed to be just what trainers do. Why would a strong trainer like you want to waste your time battling someone weak like him?

Kieran’s comment in the battle if you land a super effective move is also very telling: “Oof, ehehe… I guess I got a lot of weaknesses…” He tries to play it off as light-hearted, but, hm, that sure is A Way for a rival character to comment on you knowing about type matchups. And he most certainly does not seem to agree with his sister when she says he’s almost as strong as her.

(Fun fact: the game actually lets you lose the first battle with each sibling while still continuing the story. If you lose to Kieran in that first battle, he assumes you were holding back against him, as if that’s the only reason he’d ever be able to beat anyone. Perhaps he’s experienced people holding back against him out of pity before – maybe Carmine used to?)

He's flustered when Carmine partners him up with you, too, even though you’re the only option that he has at least a vague rapport with now – he’s still assuming someone cool like you wouldn’t want to waste any more of your time on him than you have to. Kieran worries he’ll “get in your way” if he sticks with you, so he hangs back and stays well out of your way instead. It’s a cute way for the game to justify him not actually following you around in the gameplay even though he’s supposed to be following you according to the plot, but it also just makes perfect sense for Kieran’s character. This is a kid who constantly tries to take up as little space as possible because he’s convinced that nobody wants him around. And it’s important that he seems to feel especially this way towards the people he looks up to (with the exception of Carmine, because she’s family and he spends most of his time with her already).

Then there’s the scene where he meets Koraidon/Miraidon. At first, I assumed it was there to introduce Kieran to our lizardbike friend because they’d be relevant later somehow. But they’re not! So the only reason this scene exists at all is for the purpose of illustrating to Kieran that, in his words, “you’re special”. You are A Protagonist, capable of befriending super special, rare, strong Pokémon with ease. (Just like a certain other special legendary Pokémon you’ll be meeting soon, how about that.)

Admiring the ogre

So, as you begin the trip to visit the signboards about Kitakami’s legend, Kieran starts to open up about how much he likes the ogre. Perhaps he feels safe telling you, because you’re an outsider and won’t frown upon him for it like the locals are prone to do. He probably gets that from them a lot and has learned not to bring up the ogre in town – another thing that makes him feel left out.

Even so, Kieran starts from the angle of “it’s so strong and cool because it won one-on-three”, since that’s a more acceptable reason to like the ogre that doesn’t question the validity of the legend, and is less personal to his issues. If you agree with him that the ogre sounds cool before he’s explained why he thinks so, he responds with “I knew you’d get it!” – you, who’s also really strong and cool, would obviously recognise that same strength in the ogre right away, right?

If you’re sceptical at first instead, he stresses that “it was all alone!” and still managed to hold its own – the more personal side of the reason he likes the ogre coming out just a little. By the second signboard, Kieran’s gotten a bit more comfortable with you, enough to start touching on that more deliberately. He mentions that it’s shunned, and that he likes its strength because he admires that and wishes he could be that strong himself.

Then he invites you to see the ogre’s den, something completely unrelated to the purpose of the school trip, because he trusts you enough to feel sure that you’ll get what he’s trying to illustrate about the ogre there. He points out that it seems like a lonely, miserable place to live, and that he’d happily let the ogre stay at his house if it wanted. He’s not quite explicitly saying so, but Kieran clearly empathises with the ogre because he relates to that kind of loneliness. Though he doesn’t want to outright say that the legend is wrong and the ogre isn’t actually the bad guy – maybe he’s got backlash from the villagers before for suggesting it –  he's got to believe that to be the case.

(I’ve seen one or two people suggest that Kieran fawning over the supposed bad guy in the legend is an early hint to his potential for darkness, but I really don’t think that’s it. There’s plenty of reason for Kieran to relate to and see the sympathetic side of the ogre in the story due to his own status as a social outcast, without it needing to be a case of “he just likes bad guys because he’s Edgy”.)

Later, at the festival, Kieran has a quiet chuckle to himself when Carmine’s talking about the Loyal Three being heroes, and says it’s funny that she doesn’t know anything about the ogre. Then he conspicuously changes the subject when she implies that it’s just that he likes edgy bad guys, because that’s not it – but at least now he has someone who does get it. Carmine mentions later that she feels Kieran is trying to one-up her about the ogre, and maybe this is true. Perhaps this is one small way in which he can privately feel superior to his sister, because he’s more right than her, or than anyone in the village, about the ogre’s true nature. And while that’s more due to luck and a large helping of projecting his own issues onto it than out of any genuine inside knowledge of the truth, Kieran is the one person who understands the ogre best.

Or, at least, he understands it best… for the most part. Because there is one very key way in which Kieran is actually thoroughly wrong about what Ogerpon is truly like.

Misunderstanding the ogre

This begins to be apparent at the second signboard, when Kieran’s gushing about the ogre’s coolness and says “it didn’t even care when everyone shunned it”. From meeting Ogerpon later, we know that this is patently not true about her – she’s terrified of humans because of how they see her, so really she hates being shunned! But Kieran doesn’t imagine that to be the case about her, even though he empathises with her presumed loneliness and is basically projecting his own onto her. He sees the ogre as somebody who is shunned and alone, like he is, but who, unlike him, is strong enough to not let it get to them. Someone in the same bad situation as him, but with strength that he only wishes he could have to deal with it.

In that same conversation at the second signboard, Kieran then goes on to talk about how his sister always does everything for him, and he’d like to become stronger and more independent and reliable. And, “then, just maybe… I could be that ogre’s friend.” As if he doesn’t think he’d deserve to be Ogerpon’s friend unless he was already strong, just like she is.

He mentions a couple of times that he comes to the Dreaded Den a lot but has never once seen the ogre, which might seem a little strange at first. Obviously Ogerpon kept well hidden from him because she’s scared of humans – but, did Kieran never try to call out to her? To tell her that he’s not afraid of her, that he admires her strength and she must be lonely and hey, maybe they could be friends? If he had, then surely over time, Ogerpon would have grown to trust him and shown herself – so apparently, Kieran never did try to call out to her in an attempt to befriend her. Because he felt he wasn’t worthy of her friendship, not when he’s so weak, so inferior to someone as strong and cool as her. (A lot like how he wouldn’t have had the courage to tell you how much he admired you, if his sister hadn’t blurted it out for him.)

While you’re visiting the den with him, Kieran assumes that “a powerful ogre like that would only show up if it heard some kinda battle”, leading to him challenging you again. Since he admires the ogre for its strength, he’s assuming that the ogre also values strength just as much if not more than he does, which really isn’t necessarily true about Ogerpon!

During the battle, Kieran says he’ll “put up a good fight” this time. Which is to say, he still feels so thoroughly outclassed by you that he isn’t remotely expecting or even trying to win – he just wants to at least not go down quite as pitifully as last time, not when he’s potentially being watched by his idol the ogre. And when he loses (the game requires you to win this and all future battles against him), he laments how he’s ever going to be able to beat you, and then he muses, “If the ogre saw that battle, I’m sure it’d be thinking, ‘That kid’s got some real strength…’” He is assuming that Ogerpon would like you, far more than she’d ever like him, because of how strong you are. This is very important.

(As it happens, Ogerpon was secretly watching that battle, but as for whether she’s actually thinking what Kieran imagines she is about your strength – who knows?)

Friendship! Or is it…?

By the end of the den visit, Kieran has just enough confidence to invite you to the Festival of Masks, and to his own house to get ready to go together, which there’s no way he’d have been able to do at the start of the day. He’s so surprised but thrilled to hear that you consider yourself his friend – based on that and his grandparents’ reactions, you’re likely the first friend he’s ever made, which would not be surprising. It’s lovely watching this shy but sweet kid actually smiling and feeling comfortable around you and happy to have someone he can call a friend for the first time ever. And GHHHH it is so painful in hindsight knowing where things are headed.

Even with you calling yourself his friend, though, Kieran still feels inferior to you. He dejectedly offers to give you his mask for the festival when you find yourself without one, even though it’s the ogre mask, his favourite, his thing – because he instinctively feels that if anyone should be the one who gets left out, it should be him, like always, and not you.

The whole time, Kieran’s bound to be feeling thoroughly insecure about this new friendship. The idea that he’s actually made a friend, and not least someone as cool as you, likely feels far too good to be true, more than he deserves, and I suspect he might be constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. When he mentions to Carmine that you’re coming to the festival with him, her response is vaguely evasive, and Kieran responds to that in a very prickly, defensive way. It reads to me like he thinks Carmine is jealous of him befriending you before her, and that he’s afraid she might try to take you away from him as a result. Whether that’s actually true or not isn’t really the point (I think Carmine might indeed be a little jealous, but she would not do something that deliberately malicious) – what matters is that Kieran believes this may be the case and is liable to view all further interactions with you and Carmine in that light.

Then, at the festival, Carmine pressures Kieran into playing Ogre Oustin’ even though he doesn’t really want to. She’s probably doing this in an attempt to encourage him to have fun, but since he doesn’t find it fun (because he doesn't like this game where he's pretend-killing the ogre!), it’d be easy for him to feel like she only did it because she wanted him out of the way so she could hang out with you. And it’s while Kieran’s doing that that you and Carmine meet Ogerpon without him. Of course, that’s nothing but pure unlucky bad timing – Carmine had no idea Ogerpon was about to show up – but from Kieran’s point of view, with his obvious history of being maliciously left out of things by others, it’s easy for him to feel like there was some deliberate element to it.

At first he doesn’t know it has anything to do with Ogerpon, though. But still, when he gets back from Ogre Oustin’ and asks what you two were up to, Carmine abruptly shuts you up before you can speak and is blatantly hiding something – which Kieran takes to mean that you were laughing at him behind his back. That’s something else he must get a lot, for him to be automatically assuming it’s happening here. Really not so far off from his fear that his sister’s going to try and take you away from him, either.

Carmine’s lie isn’t done out of any malice – she is genuinely trying to protect her brother from feeling bad over being left out of meeting Ogerpon – but she sure is doing so in a way that’s going to make him feel even worse over being left out on purpose once he realises the truth. Carmine does care about her brother in theory, but this girl has zero social brain cells. And we the player are forced to play along with the lie whether we want to or not, which awkwardly turns our player-insert character into a very specific kind of character who would do so. I guess they either also have zero social brain cells, or they’re kind of a doormat who’s swayed by a forceful personality like Carmine’s. This part is frustrating, but I have to accept it because of the delightful things it does to Kieran’s arc, which really is the important part here.

Learning of the lie

The next morning, it seems like Kieran’s largely managed to brush off the weird bit last night where you and his sister were maybe laughing at him behind his back, because he greets you with a smile, ready to go see the last signboard. And then Carmine… forcefully demands that he finds somewhere else to be, because you’ve got business with her. Kieran protests that it’s not fair that you’ve been spending all your time with her lately – score two for his fear that she’s trying to take you away from him – and when she snaps back at his protest like always, he runs off.

But he doesn’t run off that far, because he stays close enough to listen in on the conversation. The discussion of Ogerpon’s story goes on for long enough – and takes long enough to get to the important part – that Kieran pretty much has to have stayed to eavesdrop on purpose, which is a little sketchy of him. Still, I can’t blame him all that much, what with his background of being mistreated, and the way Carmine’s behaviour gives him ample reason to be afraid there’s something going on here – of course he’d have wanted to know for sure. Perhaps he was even trying to hope that listening in would prove that you’re not actually hiding something bad from him and he was just being paranoid.

Except that actually, it turns out the truth is so much worse than Kieran had feared. Never mind just laughing at him – you and Carmine met the ogre without him and then hid it from him as if he didn’t even deserve to know. And, as if that wasn’t bad enough, it then turns out that he was right all along about the ogre being a good guy, and his own grandpa didn’t even think it was worth telling him that, and now you’re still just going to keep lying to him about it all and leaving him in the dark.

(Really, I have to side-eye their grandpa a lot more than Carmine here, because he’s a grown dang adult and has so much less excuse. He says he’ll tell Kieran the truth “when the time is right”, but what does that even mean? The “right time” would be right now! Heck, it should have been the moment he realised that Kieran had already intuited the truth!)

And all this being lied to and shunned and left out of things (like always) stings even more for Kieran because it’s coming from someone he’d thought was his friend. He’d actually dared to hope that someone – and not just anyone, someone really cool and strong – actually wanted to be friends with him? Of course that was too good to be true. Why would someone as cool and strong as you have ever wanted to befriend a weak loser like him, anyway? (After all, cool strong people only ever want to be friends with other cool strong people; that’s how it works, right?)

Probing about the lie

The correct thing for Kieran to do with this situation would have been to simply come right out and confront you about the lie. But of course he doesn’t have the courage to do that. He’s far too used to being shot down whenever he tries to assert and stand up for himself (no thanks to Carmine). And since he only learned about this because he was eavesdropping, it’s easy for him to imagine having that turned against him, and the whole situation being treated like he’s the one in the wrong for doing that.

Still, it seems like Kieran might want to at least indirectly give you the opportunity to tell him the truth. He heads off to the village shop to act like he was there the whole time, and then casually asks you what you were talking about back there. He’s maybe trying to hope that you don’t really want to lie to him and only got swept up into doing so by his sister’s forcefulness, and that you’ll tell him everything now that she’s not here, because, you said you were his friend, right? Later on, too, at the third signboard, the way Kieran brings up that his family is descended from the mask maker feels suspiciously relevant, as if he only thought to do so because he overheard the story and is trying to give you a chance to go, “Hey, speaking of that mask maker, actually…”

But no. It sure seems like you’re very deliberately choosing to keep him in the dark. As such, he’s bound to be feeling extra small and awkward at the signboard, just wanting to “get this over with” and be done spending time with you, because you clearly don’t want to waste any more of your time with him than you have to, right? The awkwardness of the third signboard photo, with Kieran obviously not wanting to be there, and your character’s very strained thumbs-up, is heartbreaking in comparison to how cute and happy the first two were.

During the conversation there, Kieran mentions the ogre being alone and treated like an outcast in a way that is very clearly also talking about how you and Carmine are treating him right now. The game pointedly lingers on his response to your comment, regardless of which dialogue option you choose. If you agree that that sounds awful, he says, “You think so too, huh?” – you think that it’s bad to treat someone that way, and yet, you sure are treating him that way anyway. If you instead mutter an awkward apology, Kieran asks, “For what?” This could read like he’s calling you out for not being able to admit to what you should be apologising for, but actually, I’m not sure that’s it. It could also be him genuinely asking that, because he doesn’t realise you need to apologise for anything. Hold this thought, I’ll go into it more in a bit.

It's because he’s weak

The other thing that happens at the third signboard is Kieran challenging you to another battle. He doesn’t really explain why, but I suspect he’s hoping that if he wins and proves his strength to you, you might just tell him the truth, or at least it’ll give him the courage to confront you about your lie. This is the first battle in which he says he wants to win and is actively trying and hoping to do so, rather than just accepting his loss before he’s even started. His optimism is pretty fragile, though, as he laments “it wasn’t supposed to go like this” if you hit him super-effectively, and “why does it have to be like this?” when he’s down to his last Pokémon.

But of course, he loses, just like he must secretly have been expecting to all along (how could he ever beat someone as strong as you?). And so he concludes, “it’s all ‘cause I’m too weak” – not just losing the battle, but everything. Why he’s always left out and shunned by everyone, why you lied to him and went behind his back about something you knew was important to him – it’s because he’s weak. He was battling you to try and prove that he’s stronger, strong enough to deserve better than that… but of course he isn’t.

A particularly important little subtlety is that he mutters “That’s why I…” – because it would have been easy to expect this line to say “you” instead. That you lied to him and shunned him because he’s weak, that it’s your fault for choosing to treat someone weak like this. But Kieran isn’t framing it that way. He’s thinking of it as his fault, simply for being weak, and that’s why he will always inevitably be treated like crap by everyone around him. As if that’s nobody else’s fault for choosing to do that, but simply the natural way of things when someone’s weak. As if he deserves this for being weak.

(So: what are you sorry for? You shouldn’t be sorry for anything; it’s his fault, isn’t it? Someone as strong and perfect as you could never be conflicted or in the wrong.)

By the end of this signboard visit, Kieran’s leaving on his own, saying that he’s got to get stronger with his Pokémon. All of this is happening because he’s weak, so he needs to be stronger – and apparently, that means “strength in Pokémon battling”. In reality, even if he did become the best battler out there, that wouldn’t necessarily make him any better at standing up for himself in social situations or being independent and reliable in other ways, but he’s very much conflating the different kinds of strength. This probably has a lot to do with his schooling at Blueberry Academy, which teaches Pokémon battling, leaving him overly focused on battling strength as the only kind of strength that matters. Perhaps he was picked on at school because he wasn’t very good at the battling classes, which wouldn’t have helped. I hope we see some glimpses of this in The Indigo Disk.

And on the topic of Kieran fixating on getting stronger at Pokémon battling: his Furret is never seen in his team again after this point. It was one of the first two Pokémon he used against you, so it’s presumably one of his closest Pokémon partners, which makes it heartbreaking that he ditches it from his team because, clearly, it’s too weak. Even worse, he’s inflicting being left out and shunned on someone else – someone he probably cared about – precisely because it’s weak. That’s just what happens to people who are weak, right? Guh. Poor Furret.

Outburst at Loyalty Plaza

Kieran most likely spends the next 24 hours alternating between fervently training as hard as he can, and stewing in his feelings of loneliness and rejection and betrayal. His grandpa mentions that he spent that night in his room after not even eating dinner, which, yeah, when he’s sharing a house with two of the people who are lying to him, not surprising. Oof. And more than just pain and betrayal, he’s got to be feeling so much anger, anger which he’s never been able to truly express, because every time he tries to stand up for himself he always gets shot down – but that only makes the suppressed anger worse.

The correct thing to do would have been for Kieran to confront everyone calmly about the lie as soon as he became aware of it. But because he couldn’t just do that, his resentment festered inside of him with no real outlet, until finally it becomes unbearable and explodes out of him and he has to do something to express it, no matter how questionable. So he steals the Teal Mask and runs off with it.

I don’t think Kieran actually has much of an idea of what he’s going to do with the mask. The one logical thing would have been to give it back to Ogerpon himself, but that can’t be his intent, because he doesn’t go anywhere near her den with it. And I highly doubt he’s planning to break it or anything like that, since he’d never do something that’d hurt Ogerpon. Really, I think he just wants you and Carmine to notice and acknowledge what he’s going through and what you’ve done to him – and if he steals the mask, you’re going to have to confront him to get it back.

He heads to Loyalty Plaza in particular because he’s conflating his own situation with Ogerpon’s. In amongst his pain and anger at the way he’s being treated, he’d have also been feeling a lot of anger at the injustice of how Ogerpon was and is treated, because he was right all along that she was never the bad guy, but she’s shunned undeservedly while the “Loyal” Three are lauded as heroes. Even though this outburst from Kieran is really all about his own situation, he makes it about Ogerpon first, because that’s easier for him to openly be angry about. He only brings up his own treatment as a comparison to how Ogerpon is treated like an outcast, as if the only way he can frame it as wrong in his head is by comparing it to something that’s definitely wrong. (After all, he deserves to be shunned because he’s weak – but Ogerpon didn’t deserve any of it, because she’s so much stronger!)

During Kieran’s outburst, Carmine blurts out an apology on realising that she’s hurt him – but Kieran basically just ignores it and continues to vent. Which tells us something interesting: that Kieran never did this out of any attempt to get you and Carmine to apologise for lying to him. If he’d wanted that, he’d have reacted in some way when Carmine did just that. So I think, in keeping with Kieran’s belief that all this is his fault for being weak, he doesn’t actually think you two need to apologise for anything. He’s lashing out because he’s angry and in pain and doesn’t know how else to deal with it, but he’s not consciously thinking that you and Carmine are in the wrong.

He’s also still holding onto the idea that you and Carmine were just laughing at him behind his back, which is of course not true, but when Carmine tries to say that, Kieran snaps back that she’s a liar. Given that she undeniably has lied to him about one very important thing, of course Kieran would find it easy to believe that she could be lying to him about anything and he can’t trust any reassurance she gives him. This poor kid must have such a history of being mistreated and patronised by others to jump to assuming things like this.

Lashing out with a battle

Then Kieran challenges you to another battle, promising to give back the mask if you win. Since there’s no way he is truly expecting to be able to beat you, this means that he never really intended to keep the mask forever. But he also doesn’t just want to seem like some weak pushover who’ll roll over and give in as soon as he’s confronted, so he at least wants to make you fight him for it. And based on his line at the beginning of the battle – “I know this isn’t right, but… I can’t just hand over the mask to you!” – he doesn’t want to just give up one of Ogerpon’s possessions so easily to someone who treated him like an outcast the same way those villagers back then treated Ogerpon.

Really, I think the battle – and the notably forceful way he asks for it, unlike the previous times – just comes a lot from Kieran’s anger, and his need to externalise it somehow. He even insists that he needs this battle, if you’re hesitant about accepting the challenge. There’s probably a part of him that wants to lash out with physical violence, maybe punch you or something, but he knows that’s wrong and that it’d look pathetically impotent of him anyway even if he tried. Happily, this world has a socially-accepted form of violence-by-proxy instead, so Pokémon battle it is!

As for the battle itself, Kieran’s switched up his team some more, removing Furret as previously mentioned, and adding two new members instead of just one like the previous times – but the Cramorant he uses here doesn’t stick around either. This is less sad to me than Furret, though, because he wouldn’t have been very close to it. Cramorant may even have been taken onto the team with the condition of “I’m trying out new team members to see who’s strong enough”, at which point ditching it is less of a betrayal and more of it simply failing a job interview.

(Meanwhile, the other newcomer, Gligar, clearly impressed Kieran a lot with its strength, as it becomes his ace for the final fight. Fitting that his ace there is not a long-time partner, but one obtained only after he began to fixate on getting stronger.)

He’s also more openly determined to win (despite his suppressed conviction that he could never beat you), and remains more optimistic than before even when things aren’t going so well for him. In fact, this is the only battle in which Kieran has lines for hitting you with a super effective move or a critical hit. That said, he’s still a little insecure, based on an optional line: “I need to get this right… I’m gonna make sure to give the right commands!” which tells us that he feels like his losses are his fault for making mistakes and choosing the wrong moves, rather than blaming his Pokémon for not being strong enough. He also has an absolutely great comment in this battle if you land a critical hit, which I have to highlight: “What can’t you do? You’re like the hero in a story…” It’s purely luck, but despite that, he’s seeing you as this impossibly perfect hero that he could never ever measure up to, and this delights me.

Losing the battle just seems to make Kieran’s frustration at his own inferiority even worse, to the point that he does indulge in some physical violence, towards the shrine. Which is as pathetic as he must have been expecting, and should in theory have been harmless enough. (Of course, it appears that this is what somehow resurrects the Lousy Three, but there is no way Kieran expected or wanted that to happen, so he can’t be blamed for that.) Then he gives the mask back, just as he promised he would, and (ignoring another attempt by Carmine to apologise – again, this was never about that to him) he runs off back home.

So I find it really hard to condemn Kieran for… any of his actions here? Sure, he stole the mask, but he didn’t do anything bad with it and gave it back just fine (and must have always been intending to). All he was doing was lashing out – unhealthily, but basically harmlessly – over the really very callous way you and Carmine had been treating him. And if he hadn’t done this, you two would probably never have told him the truth about Ogerpon, and he’d have remained out of the loop and never met her at all! That would have been awful!

And yet: making you and Carmine bring him into the loop about Ogerpon and getting the chance to meet her is also not something Kieran was aiming for here. Just before leaving in a sulk, he says, “Say hi to the ogre for me” – which means that he never expected to get to meet it himself. He is still, even by the end of this confrontation, labouring under the belief that you and Carmine don’t want him there with Ogerpon and that he doesn’t deserve to meet her at all.

Apologies, and a lack thereof

After you rescue Ogerpon from being bullied by the resurrected Lousy Three, Carmine shows up with Kieran in tow. Apparently she found him moping around at home and dragged him here to apologise to you about his stunt with the mask. Which, yes, does warrant an apology – but what really frustrates me about this part is that Carmine doesn’t apologise for what you and she did wrong. Sure, she blurted out a couple of cut-off apologies back at Loyalty Plaza, but those never had the intended effect when Kieran was in no emotional state to accept them. Here and now, he’s calmed down enough that he would be able to take on board an apology… but Carmine doesn’t give one. It’s possible that she already apologised at home before bringing him here, but if she’d done that, then she really ought to have got you to also apologise for lying to him, and she doesn’t – so I can only assume that didn’t happen. And you the player can choose to apologise to Kieran here anyway, but since it’s optional, it’s not given nearly the attention it deserves.

Since Kieran never gets a proper apology while he’s in a state to listen, it means he never actually ends up internalising the fact that you were in the wrong to lie to him and he didn’t deserve to be treated that way. Which would have been a really, really important thing for him to realise! As it is, he continues to quietly assume that all of this is his fault for being weak, with nobody to tell him that this way of thinking is flawed.

It's frustrating, but I do kind of get it, from Carmine at least, because she’s also a pretty flawed person. Her deal seems to be that she’s only able to be emotionally sincere in uncontrolled outbursts when she’s worked up, and when she’s calm she covers up her true feelings with bossiness and vanity. Which makes her not at all capable of apologising to Kieran when he’s in a calm enough state to be capable of registering it. These siblings’ issues do not mesh well. Still, here’s hoping that Carmine’s able to self-reflect enough to acknowledge her partial responsibility for Kieran’s suffering by the end of The Indigo Disk.

She does seem to realise her mistake here enough to make a point of trying to include Kieran in their Ogerpon adventures from here on out, at least. But it’s too little too late in terms of how Kieran views things. He seems to have assumed that Carmine dragged him here only to apologise, and not to properly meet Ogerpon or be involved in helping her out, because he expresses surprise when Carmine casually includes him as part of the Mask Retrieval Squad. He was expecting to be shunned and left out as always – what do you mean, she wants him there?

Meeting Ogerpon

The only interaction Kieran was expecting to have with Ogerpon here was giving the fixed-up mask back to her, because he wanted to be the one to do so – but she shies away from him when he offers it. Carmine comments that she’s probably scared of new people, and this is likely the truth, but Kieran’s silent response suggests that he’s not necessarily agreeing with that assessment. Remember, from earlier: Kieran is convinced that Ogerpon values strength. And he’s so used to being shunned by others, especially strong people, because he’s weak. It would be very, very easy for him to come to the irrational conclusion that the reason Ogerpon refuses him is because of his weakness, even though his sister’s suggesting something else.

Despite Kieran’s key misconceptions about Ogerpon’s values, he does continue to understand her better than most people in certain ways. When you try to head into town with her, Kieran’s the one to point out that she’s probably afraid to go in because of the way she’s been treated by the townspeople. He also comments that she’ll feel safe going to retrieve the masks from the Three as long as she’s with you. He empathises with that insecurity and social anxiety enough that, seeing it from Ogerpon in person, he can instinctively see that’s the case about her too.

And yet… seeing Ogerpon’s fear, and understanding that she’s scared of being shunned just like him (which he previously said the ogre didn’t care at all about!), doesn’t actually change the part of Kieran that is also irrationally convinced that she only cares about strength. There’s no moment in which he seems to be re-evaluating Ogerpon or realising anything new about her upon seeing her being afraid. The part where she’s shy and afraid, and the part where she’s strong and cool and therefore values strength in others, manage to be separate enough in his mind that he never actually cross-references them to realise that one of these surely can’t be as true as he thinks it is. So his false conviction that things are about strength to Ogerpon still remains, unchallenged.

Staying behind

Then, even though Carmine is making an active point of trying to include him, Kieran… chooses not to come with you on the mission to retrieve the masks. This is despite the fact that this’d be his best chance to spend time with Ogerpon and hopefully get her to warm up to him, which you’d think would be his priority when he’s quietly hoping to maybe have the chance to become her partner.

But even though it would be a logical choice for Kieran to come with them, it makes perfect sense to me why he doesn’t. As far as he sees things, you and Carmine are way stronger than him and already have the fights against the Three covered – he’d be nothing but a useless third wheel hanging back, only there out of Carmine’s pity for him and not because he’s needed. And in terms of Ogerpon, Kieran is the kid who visited her den countless times but never had the courage to call out to her and ask to be friends. Of course he knows he wouldn’t have the confidence to actually try and get closer to Ogerpon, especially not when she’s already got someone she likes (someone who’s strong while he’s weak, which is clearly what matters to her, right). He knows he’ll just spend the whole time watching Ogerpon obviously like you way more than him while not being able to do a thing about it, and it’ll just make him feel even more jealous and left out.

(Trust me, as someone with social anxiety who spent a lot of my childhood being low-key outcasted by my so-called friend groups, I get it. When you’ve lived like that, integrating yourself with new people can feel downright impossible, no matter how much you may want it.)

So Kieran doesn’t come on the mission – but it’s not like he just uselessly sulks around, either. He spends the time doing something else to help Ogerpon, something neither you nor Carmine seemingly thought needed to be done: telling the town the truth that she was never a bad guy. Because of course Kieran understands best just how hard it is for Ogerpon to be shunned and outcast by everyone, and of course he has some Strong Feelings that people deserve to be told the truth, hmm I wonder where that might have come from. This task is really difficult and scary for him, too, because he hates talking to people – but he does it anyway, for Ogerpon’s sake! What a brave lad!

(I’ve seen people side-eye the fact that the villagers accept the truth and turn around their view of Ogerpon so easily, but honestly it doesn’t seem unreasonable to me. I get the mask maker way back when being persecuted because the villagers of the time saw Ogerpon kill the Three and made assumptions, but, like, it’s been generations. All of the witnesses who had that emotional gut reaction to the fight are long dead. Most of the people alive today didn’t even truly believe the story of the ogre was real until the Loyal Three showed up – they just thought it was a fun folktale that gives their village some unique culture. So for them to be told “hey, the ogre is real, but also the story’s backwards and the ogre’s actually the good guy”… so what? I was always sceptical of Grandpa’s conviction that the truth must never be told to the village (because… people will get angry that they were lied to? So therefore you should just keep lying to them so they never find out they have something to be angry about? Yes, great tactic, it worked so well on Kieran). Kieran basically just went and proved that there really was nothing to be worried about all along and the people should have been told the truth ages ago.)

His final chance to be strong

So now we reach the end, where Ogerpon makes it clear that she wants to stay with you, and… and even though he must have seen this coming, Kieran can’t accept it happening without trying to fight against it.

This isn’t even really about Kieran wanting Ogerpon’s friendship in and of itself. It’s more about what the concept of being partners with Ogerpon means to him. This whole time, he’s been obsessed with the ogre, and yet only letting himself imagine that maybe one day when he’s stronger, he could be its friend. He’s fixated on the idea of befriending Ogerpon as something that will mean he’s strong and no longer alone and everything is good now. Obviously this is extremely irrational and not necessarily true nor the sole way to fix his problems, but that’s how things are in Kieran’s head.

And so, with recent events making him feel even more weak and outcast than ever, you being effortlessly strong and cool enough to befriend Ogerpon on top of everything else feels to Kieran like it’s about to take away his one chance to turn things around, forever. Of course he can’t just let that happen without at least trying to have things his way. He says right at the beginning of the battle: “I know you’re probably a better trainer for Ogerpon, but I… I…” – and he can’t even voice the end of that sentence. He can’t put into words why he feels like he needs to become Ogerpon’s partner even though he knows he's being selfish and she’d be better off with you, because it’s not based in any conscious logic and is all just one big subconscious irrational mess of his issues and inferiority complex.

I’ve seen a lot of people condemn Kieran for this part, saying that he’s ignoring Ogerpon’s wishes because he’s planning to force her to join him whether she wants to or not if he wins. However, I firmly disagree that Kieran has any such thing in mind here. Remember, he’s still labouring under the misconception that what Ogerpon cares about most is strength. He thinks she likes you so much because you’re so strong (remember the previous time he battled you in front of the den, where he commented that the ogre must be thinking how strong you are if it’d seen that?), and that she refused the mask from him that one time because he’s weak. So Kieran has convinced himself that if he can prove himself to be stronger than you, by defeating you in a battle while Ogerpon’s watching, then she’ll naturally choose him to be her trainer over you. Right?

When Carmine says that he has to consider Ogerpon’s feelings, Kieran’s simply silent for a moment before saying “…I want to battle anyway.” He’s not denying that Ogerpon’s choice is what matters – he just believes, or is at least trying to believe, that her choice will be determined by this battle. And of course he doesn’t say anything like “Ogerpon will choose me if I’m stronger than you”, because – well, perhaps because a lot of this is also subconscious enough that he can’t articulate it, but even if any of it was conscious, he knows it’d sound stupid. Especially the part where he’d be talking like it’s possible for him to beat you, because deep down, he still completely convinced that’s impossible.

Plus, nowhere in this does Kieran bring up the fact that he told the village the truth about Ogerpon as a point in his favour for why she might choose him – which supports that it’s not about any kind of friendly gestures to him and he’s convinced she’ll make her decision entirely based on strength. (And it also proves that he did that out of a genuine desire to help Ogerpon, without any ulterior motives of trying to get her to like him!)

Just before the battle, he says: “Whoever wins gets to be Ogerpon’s partner… So don’t… don’t you dare hold back!” – making a point of demanding you don’t hold back, even though you might think he’d want any advantage he can get towards supposedly winning Ogerpon’s favour. But this makes perfect sense when you realise what this is about to Kieran. He believes that Ogerpon will choose (and deserves to choose) whichever of you is the strongest, and this battle won’t actually prove that if he only wins because you were holding back against him.

Kieran also thanks you for not holding back when you land your first super effective hit, which I enjoy. He’s so used to being patronised and seen as weak and pathetic, so he’s actually glad that you’re taking him seriously and viewing him as a legitimate opponent.

And, hey, he is! His team is pretty stacked: a full six Pokémon with solid movesets, and even strategic held items (at least in the postgame version). Assuming you’re not over-levelled, it’s quite a challenging fight, as it should be. Kieran is trying so, so hard to be strong enough, because this poor kid has convinced himself that all of his problems and pain are due to him being weak, and he is so desperate to fix that by proving himself even stronger than you, strong enough to win Ogerpon’s favour.

When he loses, he just crumples, and it’s heartbreaking. Kieran had so much more riding on this battle than just befriending Ogerpon – this was what felt like his one and only chance to stamp out the part of him that feels crushingly inferior and like he deserves to be treated like dirt. Guhhh.

And of course the first thing out of his mouth is, “Figures.” His inferiority complex runs so deep that, no matter how hard he’d trained and how genuinely really good his team had grown, he never truly believed that he ever had a chance at beating someone as cool and strong as you. He was just desperately trying to convince himself that he at least had a shot, because he couldn’t bear to give up without trying.

I really wish you could tell Kieran how good he was in this battle! It truly is impressive how much better he’s grown at battling since the first one, in such a short space of time, too. Just because he’s not quite as strong as you doesn’t mean he’s weak, not by a long shot. But nobody tells him any such thing, so Kieran continues to view things in that irrationally all-or-nothing way. He lost, so he's weak, end of.

Then he has to stand there and watch you battle Ogerpon in order to catch her. Before all of this happened, Kieran would have been so stoked to see his hero the ogre showing off just how cool and strong she is – and hey, her powers really are pretty awesome to behold! But here, despite the amazing spectacle in front of him, Kieran just looks supremely awkward. Like he doesn’t feel like he deserves to be here. Like he doesn’t even have the right to get to see Ogerpon’s full strength in all its glory. You’re the only one who’s strong enough to have earned this.

He does make one possible comment during the battle, if you land a critical hit on Ogerpon: “You really are good… I’m no match.” Which is a bit excessive, considering that really anyone is capable of critting Ogerpon if they get lucky – but apparently Kieran’s thoughts during this battle are still incredibly hung up on just how strong you are and how he’ll never be able to measure up to you. This goes to show that his issues at this point have shifted to be more about you than about Ogerpon. Which tracks, since his admiration for the ogre was never quite about Ogerpon herself and was more about what her strength represented to him – and now you’ve come along and given him an even bigger example of impossibly cool strength, in a much more painful way.

Once you’ve captured Ogerpon, Kieran manages to awkwardly congratulate you on it – hey, he’s doing his best not to be a sore loser! – laments once again why he can’t be like you, and then runs off. No doubt he’s feeling a huge heap of uncontainable painful emotions that he does not want to show in front of you or Carmine and needs to go let out in private. This kid is Not Okay.

So, in summary: Kieran comes out of all this with the message that all of his pain and suffering and loneliness is his fault because he’s still too weak, and he will only ever be strong enough to put all that behind him once he’s stronger than you. And to do that, he needs to get so, so much stronger, almost impossibly so, no matter what he has to do to achieve it. I’m sure this will be Just Fine leading into The Indigo Disk. (: (: (:

And one last thing: the game doesn’t let this happen, but if Kieran had won that final battle against you, I believe things might actually have turned out better. Because let’s face it, Ogerpon would probably still have chosen to go with you anyway, and if she had, Kieran would have been forced to face the fact that it was never actually about strength to her. It wouldn’t even be that hard for him to understand that, given that he’d already noticed the indications that she was scared of being shunned by the townspeople and that she liked you because you made her feel safe. This would help Kieran recontextualise things a little and stop focusing so unhealthily on gaining more battling strength as the One Thing that will solve all his problems. He still wouldn’t exactly be suddenly fixed and happy, but… things wouldn’t be quite so bad, at least. Alas, you are Too Protagonist to lose and let that happen.

[its-freaking-jordan]

Hello there :) I hope you’re having a fantastic day :) would it be okay if I could request headcanons of the upper moons + muzan finding out their lover has been reincarnated with no previous memories of meeting them 💙💙

Yess I cannn.

Also, Ima do Hantengu and his clones as well, including Zohakuten, but platonic, same with Daki and her brother.

Upper moons + Muzan finding out their lover has been reincarnated with no previous memories of meeting them.

Modern day AU

Muzan

Considering him and Kagaya are somewhat related, he works at the Kimetsu Academy, as Vice principal. I know Nakime is vice and Kagaya wife is principal but just role with me here.

Once he heard that there is going to be a new staff member, he didn’t care at all..until he heard your name.

He was completely skeptical about it actually being you at first, until he saw you.

Istg he was in denial upon hearing your name.

When you came in, his jaw dropped completely. He wanted to approach you, but he still had work to do until he was on break that’s when he was going to speak with you.

Once his break came, best believe he was running through them halls trying to find you. When he did, he found you alone in the library just reading a book.

You heard the library open, looking up to be faced with Muzan. You swore that he looked familiar but you couldn’t put your finger on it.”Umm..May I help you sir?.” Muzan looked dumbfounded that you didn’t recognize him but he sucked it up, to just have a small conversation with you. Once his break was over he excused himself and walked off. He was pissed honestly that you didn’t recognize him in the slightest but you remembered everyone else.

Kokushibo

One word..hate.

He blames himself every time he sees you.

He knows it’s not you fault, that you can’t remember him but he still takes the blame.

He never knew how to approach you, he had to take advice from Doma and Akaza..because he’s socially awkward..

How yall met was actually because of Muzan, he found you and, drove where ever you was staying at, back to Japan to meet up with the “Demons.”

But back on board.. He takes you out as a date, but you just don’t know it’s a date.

You both were sitting on a bench by a lake, watching a sunset. Kokushibo(Michikatsu) noticed the you kept on staring at him. He didn’t know if you felt uncomfortable around him or what. “Is there a reason why you are looking at me?…” “Sorry, Michikatsu..You kinda remind me of someone, you know that right?” Upon him hearing that, he had a little hope that you remembered him, but then again he has a twin brother that you can possibly be talking about which made his heart sink. But that doesn’t stop him from taking you on those dates.

Douma

He thinks your playing with him.

He still keeps that fake ass smile on his face, but on the inside he’s fuming.

Still makes efforts to talk with you, which he succeeded in.

Once he figures out that you actually don’t remember who he is, he literally stops when he was doing, stopped smiling and just stares at you.

“Ah you always know how to make me laugh Y/N…(he’s heartbroken.) How about I take you out to eat tomorrow?” “Sure! There’s a new place that opened up actually, I didn’t know who else to take, so why not you?” You both waved off goodbye, and he just felt like tearing up a little but he refused to let that happen. But you both grew into a new relationship in your new life and he wasn’t happier than before.

Akaza

He has a wife…Idk if I should do it poly or he broke up with her honestly… Poly

When he heard that Koyuki found a new friend who was new to Japan, he didn’t think much of it, but he was happy that his wife made a new friend.

One day Koyuki invited you over to her house, to introduce you to Akaza(Hakuji).

Once he saw you, he wanted to walk out right then and there, he was too stunned to speak. He tried to speak with you, but you didn’t know who he was, so you only did small talk.

It made his entire body itch.

You would often hang out with them whenever they go out.

You ended joining their relationship after a whole year of knowing them better.

Hantengu

He wanted to cry, when he saw you.

He had no hope that he would actually see you in a new life, until he was proven wrong.

I think he like too much of a coward to actually approach and talk with you, so I think he had his sons (The clones) to go in and ask for you. (He sent Karaku and Aizetsu)..

I think he would like to take you on small walks and buy you gifts here and there.

Yes he still shriek when he’s scared, so you would often comfort him at those times..

Sekido+Karaku+Aizetsu*Urogi

(poly-ish and Zohakuten sees you as a sibling)

They all were visibly upset, but Sekido was fuming.

Believe it or not but Zohakuten found you. He was leaving school, walking to his brother house and you offered to drop him off home..

Sekido is furious, he thinks your joking with him honestly.

Aizetsu is depressed. He would try not to break down in front of you, or the others.

Urogi is devastated. He puts on a fake smile around you, but when your not at their house he’s just frowning..

Karaku is flat out heartbroken. He’s wondering if he or his ‘brothers’ done something that you forgotten about them all.

Zohakuten is just mad at himself because his ‘sibling’ doesn’t remember him at all.

They will still make efforts to try to revive their relationships with you, without them showing any signs of sadness.

Aizetsu would just want to cry when he first approached you, and you didn’t remember him.

Gyokko

I kid you not this mf is a comedian and a artist. But you heard him say a few jokes to a crowd and then he saw you.

He was unsure if that was actually you until you introduced yourself to him.

He was shocked that you forgotten about him..

But he brushes it off thinking that you had a-lot of stuff to do so you probably forgot about a-lot of stuff, which he understands.

But it broke him honestly.

He still take you out whenever he does his art of goes out all his way just to make you laugh.

Like I said..Mf is heartbroken, whenever you leave from y’all little “dates” he cries almost all the time.

But yall slowly build your relationship, but he still feels sad that you forgotten about him and, feels as if something was still missing.

Daki and Gyutaro

They both were confused about the whole thing at first… Daki was happy honestly, she approached you all happy and bubbly but you just had a confused look on your face and, shoved her off not hard.

Gyutaro then apologized to you saying “I’m sorry man.. My sister thought you were somebody else.. But what’s your name? I never seen you around here?”

He lied obviously, he knew it was you, but he needed a lie to not embarrass his sister as much as she did already.

You actually believed him and then the three of you started to hangout at school normally.

Daki felt a certain way that you don’t remember either of them, she would just cross her arms over her chest and huff.

Gyutaro actually kept a his feelings hidden quite well around you.. Back when you were Demon/Human, you would always compliment him, because he was insecure about himself and it would boost his ego, along with his sisters as well.

Daki is terrible at hiding her current feelings, once you said that you didn’t know who either of them were, she was shocked.. and then cried, saying that you’re a liar and you were just playing games with them.

But now it’s almost the same as how it was in y’all previous lives, you still close to them but they still feel a certain way that you don’t remember a thing about them. But they are also happy that you don’t remember anything about being in a terrible world back then.

[sophiamarieispinkbunny-chan]

SXF Novelization Fave Parts and some Analysis because I love Analyzing (Overthinking) Mission 1

I finally got my Spy x Family Family Portrait Novel and immediately finished reading it in one day, so without further ado, here are my fave parts, lines, dialogues from the first mission which is centered around Anya and Damian and this chapter just gives me diabetes 😭 (I've been shipping Damianya, yes but all this time it was like an innocent ship and it's not like making me feel butterflies since of course they're just children, but here in the novel, I actually got butterflies in my stomach, they're just so cute and precious here ❤️)

MISSION 1- THE EDEN ACADEMY NATURE CAMPING

-Yor thinking she needs to teach Anya a lot of survival things about camping because she's worried if she can handle the woods (Yor is such a great mom, worrying for Anya's safety always and I think this just shows her experience regarding the wilderness revealing that her hometown might've been near the woods and she did experiencing hunting for food when she was young)

-Loid hoping that the trip could bring Anya and Damian closer (Be careful what you wish you for Loid 😂)

"Wonderful! That's my girl. You can do it, Anya," Loid said.

I just love it when Loid calls Anya his girl, for she will always and forever be his little girl.

-Loid and Yor sort of having a gentle argument on who should get Bond's milk 😂

Loid: I'll get you some milk Bond

Yor: No, let me do that for you.

Loid: No, I can do it, just sit there and relax

Yor: You're the one who should relax

They ended up getting the milk together. These two idiots. 😭❤️

They remind of that, you hang up first, no you hang up first couple exchanges when they're on the phone. These two are so good in this married couple thing without even trying.

And then stabbed me in angst in the next paragraph.

Ever since escaping from the facility, Anya had bounce between orphanages and foster homes. But now she'd finally found someplace worth treasuring, and if she could bring about world peace, then they'd all be able to keep happily living here together.

She clearly doesn't know about Twilight's plan to leave them after achieving his mission. I wonder how she would react to that. I've written a fanfic about it so if you can check it out if you're interested😊. Sorry for the shameless fic plug.

But I hope that after the success of Strix, Loid would stay with them. Could he really leave them? Can he really do that? He can't even let Anya go during the first week they've been together and he has the choice to just ditch her, choose another child and it was the practical and safe thing for a spy for him to do when Edgar knew about his location. But he saved her and took her in despite his reservations about endangering her and all. Now could he let this little girl go after all this time?

-Anya reading Damian's mind and seeing his thoughts about him drowning when he, Emile and Ewen went camping with Mr. Green, made fun of him and even acted out his lines when he thought that he was really drowning in that shallow lake (She loves trolling Damian that she forgot that doing that could give her off as a telepath😂)

"Lovey-dovey couples are nice, but there's something extra special about bickering, will-they-won't-they romances."

I gotta agree with Becky on this one. Bickering makes any romance stories a thousand times more investing and entertaining to read. That's why academic rivals to lovers is an s-tier trope for me.

-Becky partnering Anya with Damian to fetch some water. Becky is also a fan of forced proximity trope, I see.

-Anya's telepathy elicited a sensation on Damian and it said that it wasn't the first time. I really bet that Damian would be the first to know about Anya's mind ability.

-Anya being confused about her left and right hand 😂 (I mean kids her age really do get confused about that, I don't blame her)

-Damian being gentle in his way of speaking whenever he sees Anya distressed or in tears. I'll never get tired of Damian being soft to Anya, he's really a sweet kid.

"Hey, keep it together!" commanded Damian as Anya started to sob again. He grabbed her arm and squeezed it tightly, pulling her close to speak in her ear (because the rain is loud). "I saw a small cave a ways back. Let's head there."

I don't know why but this scene, because of the way it was written, gave me butterflies.

-Anya calling for her Papa to save her when she was so scared. Loid said that Yor was the one that makes Anya feels safe, but she wasn't the only one whom Anya considers to be her safe place. He was also his baby's safe place and she trusts that Papa will always be there to save her.

-My favorite moment: Damian holding her hand and comforting her so she won't be scared, even though he, himself, is terrified too. Ugh, if that wasn't love, I don't what is. And when Anya gripped his hand back to comfort him too, he stopped shaking and Anya thought that his hand was warm. Awww, so preciouss❤️😭

-Anya letting herself to get the blame and willing to be punished but Damian not letting Anya to get the blame for them being lost in the forest. These two are like mini Yor and Loid haha, just young, energetic and extroverted versions of the two 🤣

-Anya being ashamed to face her Papa, because she thought her Operation to get close to Damian failed (since after that incident Damian went back to his mean self again but of course she didn't know Damian's crush on her just get massively deeper after that) but Loid wasn't even worried about that at all, nor did her ask her about Damian when she came home. When he had noticed she was sad, he immediately asked if she didn't have fun at their camping event. And when Anya said that she did, he smiled and said that he was glad that she did, because it's his daughter's happiness that's important to him (Because if she's happy then it would be good for my mission, I can imagine Loid telling this to himself when he just genuinely wanted her to be happy and enjoy her time at school since he never had the chance to do that as a kid)

-Yor and Loid preparing food together for Anya's return. Loid telling Anya that the food was safe to consume when she saw her face that is prepared to face death because he helped Yor to prepare. It was peak father-daughter moment 😂 But he let Yor cooked her specialty dish Southern Stew all by herself since she's the one who can make it the best ❤️

I wonder if Anya told him about her and Damian getting lost in the forest and Damian held her hand to comfort her. I wanna see Loid's reaction to that 😂

So that's it for Mission 1. Up next would be the chapter that got me laughing the most, Mission 2, Yuri babysitting Anya

[soopersara]

Union

Zutara Week 2023: Day 3

Read it on AO3 | @zutaraweek

Everyone seems to know that Zuko and Katara plan to get married someday. The only question left is when they'll finally get around to it.

For what feels like the dozenth time in a row, Zuko checks his own pocket. In his thick polar leopard fur parka, even a set of solid gold hair beads and combs is small enough, light enough to feel insubstantial. Still, he is aware of its presence. Almost too aware of it at times.

“I’m surprised the two of you haven’t gotten this all settled before now.” There is a familiar look in Hakoda’s eyes, the same one that Uncle gives him every time the subject of marriage comes up. A look of curiosity and impatience that usually comes just before another casual inquiry about when Zuko plans to marry Katara. But Hakoda isn’t quite as pushy as Uncle. “I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d decided to elope before you made it back to the South Pole.”

Zuko offers a sheepish shrug. “Apparently that’s not the proper way to do things. I’ve thought about it every day for months now, and I doubt Katara would have minded, but I don’t need to make her life any more difficult by proposing the wrong way.”

“And what about my life?” Kanna thumps her walking stick against the floor. “I’m not getting any younger here. If you two don’t hurry up, I’ll never get to meet my great-grandchildren.”

Hakoda frowns. “Mother.”

“It’s a fact of life, dear. We can’t all be King Bumi and live as many centuries as we please.”

“I’m going to ask her,” Zuko says. “Before we go north again, I swear.” His pulse quickens at the sound of his own admission, and he checks his pocket for reassurance. The engagement gift itself is as close to perfect as he can ever hope, but he’s less sure about his ability to actually propose. “I’m not sure about kids yet, but you’ll at least know if she wants to marry me before we leave.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that part.” Kanna waves a knobby hand at him. “I’ve known my granddaughter long enough to know the look she gets in her eyes when she’s made up her mind. She’s decided what she’s going to say. And frankly, I don’t think she would have dragged you all the way down here if it was no.”

Though Zuko’s heart still races, he manages a smile before Katara bursts into the house, cheeks flushed with cold, and hair glistening with ice crystals at its tips.

“There you are,” Kanna says. “We were just talking about you, weren’t we, boys?”

Zuko feels his face flush, and Katara looks from him to Kanna and back again. “Well, that’s always reassuring. Thanks, Gran-Gran.” Before there can be any further response, Katara grabs his hand and pulls back toward the door again. “I think we’re going to leave before you fill my boyfriend’s head with any more embarrassing stories.”

He makes no effort to resist, and before he knows it, Katara has led him out into the snow and halfway down the street toward the burgeoning waterbending academy.

“So how bad is it?” she asks, looping her mittened hands around his arm. “Did they tell you about the time when I froze all my dad’s underwear to the side of the council hut because he wouldn’t let me keep an otter penguin in our tent?”

His eyebrow creeps ever so slightly upward. “You did?”

“Okay, I’m going to take that as a no, and also as a sign that I need to stop giving away my secrets.” Still walking, she buries her face in his arm. “Stop me the next time I try to embarrass myself, okay?”

A snort bursts out of him. “I would, but I know for a fact that Uncle tells you so much worse about me every chance he gets. Even Sokka is too busy to tell me any embarrassing stories about you most of the time.”

“I’d really like to keep it that way.” They make it only a step or two farther before her mood seems to lighten again, and she pulls just far enough back to steer him around a corner. “Maybe you can come with me to watch waterbending lessons tomorrow instead of spending the whole morning alone with Dad and Gran-Gran.”

He certainly isn’t opposed to the idea. Any excuse to spend more time with her is always welcome, even if all that entails is sitting quiet at the sidelines while Katara guides a group of noisy, energetic children through their waterbending forms.

He agrees, and as Katara leads him past the bending academy, pointing out all the practice space and sparring areas, he checks his pocket one more time. The combs and beads still rest there, exactly where they should be, and Zuko lets out a long, slow breath. Two opposing impulses battle inside his chest—on the one hand, he’s been waiting to find the right moment, the perfect moment for weeks now. If she’s going to remember this for the rest of their lives, the least he can do is propose to her properly.

But on the other hand, his patience with himself is running thin, and the brilliant warmth of her enthusiasm strains his resolve to its breaking point. If he doesn’t ask her soon, he might well lose his mind.

So when their winding path takes them to the far side of the village, he can hardly bring himself to stop alongside her.

“Oh, spirits, we should probably go back before you freeze out here.”

“What?” Though his face tingles a bit when a breeze passes by, though he’s certain that his cheeks are crimson from the chill, he doesn’t feel cold. Not enough to turn back, at least. “No, I’m fine. It isn’t that cold.”

Katara raises an eyebrow.

“It isn’t,” he insists. “I was just—thinking.”

“About what?”

Under the intensity of her gaze, his mouth goes dry, and it takes all his will to keep from checking his pocket again. Instead, he nods toward the path leading out of the village. “I was thinking that there’s probably a great view from the hill over there. Especially around sunset.”

Her lips twitch into a crooked smile, and the grip on his hand tightens ever so slightly. “You do realize that the sun isn’t really going to set for a few more days, right? If you want to wait out there until sunset, you really will freeze.”

“In that case, I guess I can settle for half an hour. But I think you’re underestimating my ability to keep myself warm.”

“I could never. You’re the one who keeps my feet warm every night.” She bumps him lightly with her hip before starting up the path. “But you might be underestimating the South Pole’s wind.”

It’s all that Zuko can do to keep his composure as they make their way up the sloping path. But he waits, and when they reach the crest of the hill, Katara stretches before turning a brilliant smile back on him.

“Okay, I’ll admit it. Freezing or not, this view is worth it.”

Though Zuko has trouble focusing on the landscape, he can’t help but agree with her. The afternoon sun paints shining bronze streaks through her hair, and her eyes shine as bright as he’s ever seen them before.

He grasps her hand before she can go any further. “Katara—I wanted to ask you something.” His heart sits in the back of his throat. Despite her family’s confidence, despite his own suspicion that Katara will say yes, he can’t seem to push the worry away.

“Oh?” She looks up, and her gaze pierces him.

Silently, he thanks the spirits that it’s cold enough to keep his mittens on so that Katara won’t know how much his palms are sweating. He fumbles in his pocket until at last his fingers close around the little box of combs and beads. “Being with you has been one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Every day that we’re together, you mean more to me, and now—” He succeeds in extracting the box from his pocket and fumbles to turn it right side up.

Before he can finish, Katara lets out a squeak of surprised excitement and claps her hands to her mouth. “Yes. Yes, of course I will.”

Zuko blinks, and a surprising amount of tension leaves his chest and shoulders all at once. “You—you realize I haven’t finished the question yet. Right?”

“Oh! Right, I knew that.” She makes an apparent effort at bringing her expression back under control, then motions for him to continue. “Go on.”

Despite his best effort at solemnity, a smile breaks across his face. “I’m not sure I can remember what I wanted to say anymore. I swear I had this all planned out yesterday.” Looking down, he clears his throat and slides open the richly engraved lid so that she can see the beads and the combs lying in neat rows inside their case. “But I love you, Katara. And even if I can’t remember the right words, I would be honored if you would marry me.”

This time, Katara isn’t content to merely smile at him. This time, she springs forward and throws her arms around his neck. “Yes. Of course I’ll marry you.”

Zuko laughs, and as his arms close tight around her waist, the world seems to slow.

Right now, with Katara in his arms and the future opening up around them, all the urgency in the world is gone.

[itssokiee]

Smudged Happiness: Chapter 1

Author’s note: Fairy Tail high school au - but a little fucked up (feat nalu, jerza, gruvia, gale, zervis)

I feel like the true gen z high school experience never got shown truly accurate in media. They either went way over board, like Euphoria, or they were this kinda cringe middle ground, like Ginny and Georgia. Although it’s just a silly fan fiction with gross exagerations, I truly want to show an accurate portrayal about what it was like growing up as teenager in the later 2010s. At least for a suburban middle class.

Lucy is mostly the main character, but a lot of this story is told through the point of view of many different characters. Simultaneous stories happen at the same time, and sometimes a scene is told twice from different povs. All discrepancies are intentional as everyone is an unreliable narrator.

Lucy Hearfilia laid in a bed three times too large for her with her eyes closed yet fully awake. The empty space in her bed suffocated her and the sound her clock's tick echoed in her heartbeat's thud. After what could have been two minutes, or two hours, Lucy got out of bed and walked across the room to her desk. Her desk was handcrafted out of ivory and intricate designs were carved into the legs of the table. Lucy felt nervous with a hint of melancholy so she began to do the only thing that could help settle her nerves. She got out a clean piece of paper and a pen and began to write.

Dear Mom,

I am starting my Sophmore year at Fairy Academy this year. I am feeling kind of nervous right now and I know that if you were here then you would know exactly what to say. Truth is, I don't know what I am so nervous about, after all, I can't wait to see all my friends again-

Lucy smiled at the thought of her friends. She had not seen them all summer due to the trip to Europe she took over the summer. She had to admit that it stung seeing all her friends together on social media but she did not blame them. It was not their fault her summer was taken up by fancy overseas business parties.

I made a lot of great friends after I transferred halfway through freshman year. I am sure you would have loved to meet them, Mom. I expected to have a hard time  finding friends due to my late start however, that was not the case at all. I made friends with the most beautiful girl I have ever met, Mirajane Strauss.

Lucy thought of her friend Mira, she was kind and beautiful, everything Lucy wanted to be. But behind her kind words and a beaming smile, she too knew the tragedy of losing family. Mira's younger sister, Lisanna, was killed in a freak accident when Mira was twelve and her sister was nine. She had learned about Lisanna's tragic end on the third anniversary of her death. On that day, everyone wore purple in remembrance of Lisanna. When Lucy had asked about the occasion, someone had told her that Lisanna had found a baby dove on the ground and decided to put it back in its nest. While she was climbing the tree, a branch snapped and she fell to the ground where she was impaled by a fallen branch. They said that the odds of her landing on the branch at just the right angle to kill her was one in a million. The story haunted Lucy and from that day forward, whenever Lucy saw a dove, she felt her stomach drop.

I also made friends with a girl named Levy McGarden. You would've liked her a lot. Like me, she shares my passion of reading and writing. We were thinking about starting  a creative writing club at our school this year, actually.

Levy was the first friend that she had made when she transferred. Levy was working at the front office the morning Lucy transferred and noticed that Lucy looked lost. Levy asked if she was new and Lucy had replied yes. Levy walked her to her first class and offered Lucy to eat lunch with her and her friends.

Two of my closest friends are Gray and Erza. Last year, we all had our first period and lunch together. Our teacher was harsh and the subject was boring but it was  the best part of my day. We always did projects together and met up at the local cafe near the school.

Erza is a grade ahead and the school council president - all the students respected and feared her. Gray is the carefree slacker who always props his feet up on the desk in front of them. Lucy never imagined she would be able to have friends like them. She smiled as she remembered all the fun they had in their first class together, Juvia's constant declarations of love that Gray never took seriously, going to the mall, and just hanging out after school.

However, never would I have had the friends and the adventures if it wasn't for my best friend, Natsu Dragneel.

Lucy paused and reread her sentence several times. Her best friend Natsu Dragneel. While Levy was her first friend, Natsu introduced her to all her other friends. He always made her feel included in everything that they did. She went over to his house almost on a weekly business, whether it was to study for an upcoming test or just to hang out.

Lucy began to reminisce on how they met. It was her second week of school and she still only had one friend Levy. It was fine, she really only needed one. The teacher called for a group project and wanted everyone in groups of four. Lucy figured that she would just join Levy, Jet, and Droy, that is until the teacher decided that she would assign the groups. Lucy still remembers the groups that the teacher had called out.

"Levy, Gajeel, Cana, and Kiana"

"Jellal, Mira, Laxus, and Bickslow"

"Freed, Reedus, Evergreen, and Mest"

"Natsu, Lucy, Gray, and Erza"

Immediately Natsu and Gray jumped out of the chair and yelled out, "WHY WITH HIM?"

After being scolded by Erza the quietly shrank back down into their seat. Afterward, the teacher gave them time to sit down and begin working on their projects.

"So who's this Lucy chick anyway?" Natsu said scanning the class.

"I sit right next to you, flame brain!" Lucy said in a tone harsher than she had meant.

"Chill dude, I thought your name was Luigi or something like that," Natsu said smiling.

They did not get a lot of work done the rest of the day and decided that they would have to meet up at Natsu's house later that day to get work done. Levy had come up to her at the end of class and apologized saying that her schedule got changed and that she could not sit with Lucy for lunch because she had library aid for the rest of the semester. Lucy smiled and said it was alright but could not help but to feel if she was back at square one, lonely girl with no friends.

When she walked into the courtyard for lunch, Natsu immediately called her over to come sit with him. When Lucy asked why he invited her, he merely smiled and said

"Were friends right?"

"Right."

~

Later that day when she got into the car of the Hearfilia driver, she told him to take her to Natsu's house instead of her own.

"Has my lady finally made friends?" the driver asked raising an eyebrow.

"Kinda," Lucy said, "we're just doing a project is all."

She got to his house at the same time as Erza and Gray. Erza reached over to ring the doorbell and then they waited in silence for a few moments. After a couple of seconds, a boy with jet black hair and piercing black eyes opened the door. Lucy began to panic as she thought that they had all mistakenly gone to the wrong place

until Gray said, "Hey Zeref, is Natsu home?"

Zeref sighed and opened the door to let them into the living room. "That idiot just ran off to the store with Wendy. He'll be back in about ten minutes. You can wait

here I guess."

"Zeref? Whose here? Some of Natsu's friends?" a girl's voice called.

"Something like that," Zeref called back.

Lucy went over to the source of the voice and saw a girl with blonde hair laying on the couch holding a video game controller. Instantly Lucy recognized her.

"Ha you didn't pause the game and now I am way ahead of you," the girl said smiling.

"You need all the head start you can get," Zeref said sitting down and picking up the other controller.

"You're Mavis Vermillion!" Lucy exclaimed. "As in, the valedictorian of your grade and captain of the volleyball team with a full ride to all the top colleges?

Friends with Yuri, Precht, and Warrod? You're practically perfect!"

Mavis smiled, "I am nowhere near perfect and a lot of those rumors are just exaggerations anyway."

Suddenly the door to the garage opened and Natsu burst inside.

"I'm back! And I bought supplies to help us complete our project! Oh, hey Mavis!"

A young girl came in the door behind Natsu helping him bring in some of the supplies.

"Oh Lucy, this is my cousin Wendy who lives with us while her mother is working in another country," Natsu said introducing them.

"Nice to meet you!" Wendy said smiling.

That memory of working together all night on a project was one of Lucy's favorites. For the first time ever, she had learned what it was like to have friends. Lucy looked back down at the letter she was writing to her mom. She no longer felt nervous, just relaxed.

Thank you, Mom, for always calming me down. Even though you are not here, I know that you are watching me.

Love,

Lucy.

Lucy then fell asleep at her desk after signing her name.

Next

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

Make Me Forget

Winter Whumperland 2022: Day 8. Unexpected Kindness Fandom: Top Gun, Top Gun: Maverick, Jake "Hangman" Seresin, f!reader, former Bob x reader

Summary: Soon after a tragedy strikes, Jake finds you at his door late one night. Will he do what he has always dreamt of and you are now begging him for? Or will he find the strength to do what is right?

Word Count: 4300

TW: Emotional Angst, Grief, Death of a Loved One, Main Character Death, Tears, Drunk Reader makes bad decisions, Intoxicated Kiss, Tattoo

Notes: Thank you to @lorecraft and @green-socks for talking me through this and their support! I love you guys!

Sequel to No Laughing Matter but can also be read as a stand-alone piece.

As Jake poured his third glass of bourbon of the night, he was starting to regret not taking Coyote up on his offer to go to the movies with him and his new girlfriend. There wasn’t anything interesting playing, but it would have been nice to take his mind off of things and just mindlessly watch some robots blow some shit up or whatever for two and a half hours. But instead, he was sitting alone in a dimly lit room with only his drink for company. Not his smartest idea, but he just didn’t know how to act around his best friend at the moment.

For the past eight months, Jake had been on an extended medical leave back in Texas after he was injured in a training exercise. The break was actually doing him a lot of good. He had forgotten what it felt like to not have to try to be the best all the time. For the first time since joining the Naval Academy straight out of high school, he let himself relax and didn’t worry about how he compared to those around him. He stopped cutting his hair and grew a beard, both things he was never allowed to do while on active duty. It felt like he had control over everything in his life for once. That was until he had gotten the phone call.

Which was how he found himself staying in this rental house back in California a month before he was to be cleared for active duty. Though they had kept in contact through texts and emails, he hadn’t expected to be in person with the entire Dagger Squad again this soon. Or at least…. almost the entire squad.

Downing the rest of his glass of bourbon, he reached for the bottle to pour another when a knock on his door drew his attention. At almost one a.m., he had no idea who it could be. Only a few people even knew where he was staying, and he had made it clear he wanted to be left alone tonight.

Throwing the door open, Jake inhaled sharply as he saw the last person he expected standing just outside. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

You rolled your eyes. “Well, hello to you too, Jake. You sure know how to make a girl feel wanted.”

“No, I’m sorry. I was just surprised to see you here. Especially this late.”

Neither of you spoke for a long moment, each just staring at the other. Jake hadn’t seen you since the service a few days ago but you looked even worse than you had then. Your hair was a mess, your lipstick was smudged, and your eyes looked sunken and bloodshot. It wouldn’t surprise Jake if he learned you hadn’t slept more than a few hours over the last few days. Not that he would have blamed you. 

Finally, you broke the silence and asked, “You gonna make me keep standing out here, or are you gonna let me in?”

 “Oh, right, sorry.” Jake held the door open wider as you pushed past him into the house. “How’d you get here? You didn’t drive, did you?”

You scoffed. “No. Do you really think I’m that irresponsible? Phoenix put me in a car after she made me leave the bar. The guy was driving past and I remembered you were staying here while you were in town.” You stumbled slightly as you walked around the small space examining the decor. It was clear why Phoenix sent you home for the night, though Jake was surprised she hadn’t insisted on going with you.

You spotted the still-open bottle of bourbon sitting on the table and grabbed at it, almost knocking it off the table. Without even trying to look for a glass, you pressed it to your lips and took a long swig. You grimaced as you swallowed yet raised the bottle for a second drink, but Jake placed his hand on your wrist before you could.

He gently eased the bottle out of your hand and set it back down. Running his hand lightly up and down your arm, he asked, “Not that it isn’t great to see you and all, but whatcha doing here, sweetheart? It’s late and it looks like you’ve already had an exciting night. Maybe you should just be heading home. I can drive you.” He reconsidered as he remembered the three glasses of bourbon he had drank that night. “Well, I can make sure you get home safely.”

“I don’t wanna go home,” you muttered faintly as you ran your fingers through the few drops of bourbon that had fallen onto the table. “I came here for you. I want you to do what you said…. last year in the bar.”

Jake’s brow furrowed as he tried to remember what you might be talking about. “I say a lot of things. You wanna give me a hint which one you’re talking about?”

Awkwardly removing your jacket and letting it fall to the floor behind you, you took a step closer causing Jake to step back so you didn’t bump into his chest. “You said one night was all it would take. That after one night with you, I would forget his name. I’m here so you can help me forget.”

Jake felt all the blood drain from his face as he realized what you were talking about. The night in the Hard Deck when he had gotten very drunk and tried to fight Bob. Not that it had been much of a fight considering Bob had laid him out with a single punch, but Jake had still felt awful about it. He apologized to both you and Bob the next day and it seemed like that night had been pretty much forgotten by everyone involved. But he guessed he was wrong….

Jake placed his hands on your now bare shoulders. “Sweetheart, you know I didn’t mean that. It was a stupid, drunken mistake that–”

“You meant it.” Your tone wasn’t harsh or accusing, just matter-of-fact. You took yet another step closer. “You’ve wanted me since the first day we met, don’t deny it. And you can try to brush off all your comments as teasing but I saw the look in your eye when you made them. You meant every word. But that’s okay. Because tonight, I’m giving you exactly what you’ve always wanted.”

You slammed your lips against Jake’s, catching him by surprise as you pushed him back against the wall. Your hands threaded through his long locks, grabbing hold and using them to pull him even deeper into your lips. Jake could taste the strong sting of alcohol on your breath as your tongue slipped clumsily into his mouth and he froze, unsure of what to do.

For just a second, he considered it. He had dreamt about you often since the day Bob introduced you, and they were always the sort of dreams where he couldn’t look Bob in the eye for a few hours afterward. Yet he had resigned himself to the fact that even if you and Bob ever broke up, you weren’t the kind of girl to go for someone like him. So this, this kiss, this chance, it was more than he ever hoped for.

And yet the second you slid your knee up to rub against the growing bulge in his pants, he snapped out of it. Grabbing your wrists, he gently untangled your hands from his hair and eased you off of him. Your eyes darted across his face, so desperate and confused as to why he pulled away that he almost lost his resolve and pressed his lips against yours once more.

Panting slightly, he whispered, “We can’t do this. I–I can’t do this.”

“Why not? It’s what you always wanted.”

“I can’t,” Jake whispered again, shaking his head.

Running your thumb over his cheek, tears began to roll down your face as you whispered back, “Yes, you can. It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s gone, Jake. He’s gone, and I’m falling apart without him. I just need someone right now. I need you. I need you to take me back into the bedroom and do what you’ve always wanted, just…. just make me forget. Please. Just for tonight. I just need this pain to go away for just one goddamn night.”

You leaned forward again but he shifted slightly so instead of your lips meeting, your foreheads did. Pressing firmly against you, Jake closed his eyes and took several long, deep breaths before he muttered, “Please don’t ask me again. I’m not a good enough man to deny you a third time. You’re right, I’ve always wanted you. I still want you. But not like this. We both deserve better than that.” Jake opened his eyes and stared directly into yours. “He deserves better than that.”

You jerked your head back as if he had slapped you, rapidly blinking in shock. Releasing him, you stumbled back from the wall, turning your back to him. When you finally faced him once more, Jake could tell some of the alcohol-induced fog had lifted. Tears were streaming down your face more quickly now and your bottom lip was quivering so hard, he could almost hear your teeth chattering.

Wrapping your arms across your chest, you sobbed, “What am I doing? He’s been gone for only a little over a week and I’m already throwing myself at one of his best friends.” 

Jake wasn’t sure if you were just being hyperbolic in the heat of the moment, but hearing you call him “one of his best friends” caused a knot to form in Jake’s chest. But he ignored his own pain and tried to gather you into his arms, “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay.”

You struggled to free yourself from his embrace. “No, it’s not! I promised him I’d never do something like this. That he was the only one I ever wanted to be with. And now…. Now I almost–” Another wailing sob ripped through you, cutting off the rest of your words. 

Jake didn’t know what to do. In fact, he’d been having a harder time than expected dealing with what happened. As unrealistic as it was, Jake couldn’t help but wonder if things would have been different if he had been back from leave and flying with the squad. Maybe he could have provided cover for Phoenix and Bob’s plane. Maybe that lucky bullet from the enemy wouldn’t have broken through the canopy and struck Bob in the neck. Maybe then he wouldn’t have bled out before Phoenix could even land the plane.

But all the what-ifs and could-have-been’s in the world wouldn’t change the fact that Bob was dead, and you were currently falling apart in Jake’s arms. However, where Jake might not have been there to help Bob then, he damn sure was going to do everything in his power to help you now.

“Sweetheart, look at me. Look at me!” You stopped struggling and gazed helplessly into Jake’s eyes. “I can’t be your Band-Aid to try to stop the pain, but you did nothing wrong tonight. It was only just a kiss and even if it had gone farther, you wouldn’t have been breaking any promises to him. Even in marriage, these things are only ‘til death do us part’, right? You held up your end of the bargain and he would understand. He would want you to be happy.”

 “But I’m not! How am I ever supposed to be happy again when Bob is gone! We had our whole lives planned out together. He was going to propose and leave the Navy after his next tour so we could start a family. But now it’s all gone and I don’t know what to do.” 

All of the fight suddenly went out of you, and you collapsed limply into Jake’s arms. Holding you tightly, Jake slowly sank to the floor and pulled you into his lap. Balling your fists into his shirt, you clung to him frantically as your body was wracked with sobs. There was nothing Jake could do but hold you tight and remind you that you weren’t alone.

After what seemed like hours, your sobs softened into sniffles before you eventually fell silent. Finally, you whispered, “Jake, how do I do this? It’s just too big. How do I deal with it?”

He took a deep breath and held it for a second before slowly releasing it. “I honestly don’t know. I guess you just take it one day at a time. It’s the best any of us can do. But you’re not alone. Let your friends help you through this.”

“Is that what we are, Jake? Friends?”

“I’d like to think so.” There was a moment of silence before Jake asked, “Why did you really come here tonight? To me. Was it just because you were driving by or….”

“You weren’t supposed to be this noble,” you chuckled dryly. “I thought out of everyone… Coyote has his new girlfriend, Fanboy and Payback can barely look at me right now, and Rooster’s been glued to Phoenix’s side all week. She’s trying to be strong for me but I know how much she is hurting too and he’s really helped her deal with things. So, that left you. And with your reputation and your little thing for me, I thought it was a full-proof plan. I guess I underestimated you. I’m sorry.”

“No, I guess that’s fair. You were right when you said I wanted you and that there was some truth behind my jokes and teasing. But I hope you know I would never have actually done anything. I wouldn’t have done that to Bob.”

You smiled softly as you linked your fingers with his before squeezing his hand. “I know. And so did he. He never minded your flirting because he said he knew at the end of the day you would never actually try it or make a move. And that I would never try anything either. So he just ignored it.” You shook your head softly. “God, how could someone have been so good?”

“I don’t know.” Jake wiped a tear off your cheek. “But he loved you so much. You were all he ever talked about when we were on a mission, just getting back to you. And Phoenix says your name was the last thing he said before…”

“She told me. I just wish I had been able to say goodbye.” Your voice broke and Jake pulled you tightly against his chest as your tears began to fall once more.

But they didn’t last very long. All of your crying must have taken a lot out of you because as your sobs began to dwindle and fade, Jake felt you slowly sagging in his arms. When he glanced down, he saw your eyes drooping further and further. The tears, alcohol, and late hour of night were all catching up to you and it wouldn’t be long before you had passed out completely.

Jake carefully helped get you to your feet before rising off the floor himself. His legs were numb from the way he was sitting, but he tried his best to ignore the sensation as he led you toward the bedroom.

“Where are we goin’?” you mumbled sleepily, your head leaning against his shoulder as he guided you.

“It’s late and I think it’s best if you stay here tonight. You can take my room and I’ll stay out on the couch. That way you can have the bed and a door with a lock if you want it.”

You chuckled softly without lifting your head. “Jake, I literally tried to force myself onto you tonight, and you turned me down. I think I can trust you not to sneak into the room while I’m sleeping.”

“True, but whatever makes you the most comfortable.” 

He helped you climb into bed and covered you with his blanket. Almost immediately, your eyes fluttered closed and your breathing slowed. For just a moment, Jake stood there watching you sleep. You looked so relaxed and peaceful, that he wondered what you were dreaming about. It probably involved a blue-eyed, glasses-wearing WSO, or at least, he hoped it did. 

Leaning over, Jake softly pressed his lips to the top of your head as he whispered, “Good night, sweetheart.”

Then he quietly backed out of the room and went to try to make the couch as comfortable as possible.

The sound of the front door clicking shut woke Jake the next morning. After raising his head slightly and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he saw a note and a still-steaming cup of coffee on the table in front of him. Sitting up, he brought the coffee to his lips as he read the note. It was short and sweet: Thanks for what you did…. and didn’t do.

Jake didn’t hear anything from you after that. He tried to text a few times, but you never responded. He talked to Phoenix so at least he knew you had made it home okay after you left his place, but that was all the information she would give him. 

Days went by and he was just starting to think that he would never see or hear from you again when a knock sounded at his front door. And just like a few nights earlier, he opened it to see you standing there.

This time, you looked more like the you he remembered from before Bob’s death. The bags under your eyes weren’t as pronounced, your clothes looked more put together, and when you smiled at him as he opened the door, there was actually some light in your eyes. “Hey.”

“Hey….” he said as he leaned heavily on the door. “I’ve been thinking about you. How are you?”

“Um, better, I think. Still not good, and I don’t even know if I’ll ever be good again, but I guess progress is progress. Just taking it one day at a time, right?”

He smiled. “Yeah. One day at a time.”

There was a long pause before you said, “You really don’t like inviting me in, do you?”

“Oh! Sorry. Come in.” Jake stepped to the side, allowing you to pass by him, your arm lightly brushing his chest as you did. Once you were inside, he closed the door and asked, “So, uh, what can I do for you, sweetheart?”

With your back to him, you said, “I wanted to thank you for the other night. I wasn’t in a good place and I had been drinking and I made some bad decisions. And while I’m still not in a good place, now that I’m sober I’m mortified about said decisions. But the way you handled it….” You turned to face him, your lip quivering slightly. “Honestly, Jake, I don’t know how I would have ever forgiven myself if I woke up the next morning and realized we had gone through with it. Just thinking about it makes me physically ill.”

“Damn. I don’t think I would have been that bad in bed,” Jake scoffed, but he gave you a wide grin to let you know he was joking.

You smiled softly. “I’m sure you would have been exceptional. And I have no doubt that you could have lived up to your promise of making me forget everyone and everything but you in that moment.” Your face fell. “But after, when I did remember,…. It would have destroyed me. And I’m not saying I’ll never sleep with anyone ever again, but doing it that night– for that reason– would have felt like such a betrayal to Bob’s memory. So thank you for stopping me. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision to make.”

Jake ran his hand over the back of his neck. “I won’t lie and say part of me doesn’t regret not going through with it just a little bit, but overall I’m also glad it didn’t happen. When you feel like it’s time to take that step, you have every right to sleep with whoever you want and you’ll have nothing to feel guilty for. But I agree that night wasn’t the best time for it.”

“No, it wasn’t.” You shifted slightly as you looked at the floor. “I, uh, I was having an extra hard time that night because the Navy finally gave me a box of Bob’s stuff and I found a receipt where he had put a down payment on a ring.”

Inhaling sharply, Jake said, “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

You shook your head. “It’s okay. We had talked about it a lot and I knew he was going to propose soon, I just wasn’t expecting that soon. It just made me think about all of the plans we had made that won’t ever happen now and…. I tried to drink the pain away but when that didn’t happen, I turned to you. It’s not an excuse for why I did what I did, but I thought you should have a little more context for why it happened.”

“No context needed. You got drunk and tried to sleep with the first available person you found. Who hasn’t been there?” You reached out and took his hand, giving it a small squeeze of thanks. The shift in your position drew Jake’s attention to something he hadn’t noticed before. He nodded towards the gauze poking out of the bottom of your shirt sleeve. “Didya do something to your arm?” 

A soft smile spread across your lips as you glanced down at the floor. “I did, actually. I thought a lot about the other night and you made me realize that no matter how painful it is, I never want to forget Bob…. ever. I love him and I will always love him and I don’t want to forget a second of our time together or what he means to me. So, I found a way to keep a constant reminder of that with me always.”

Slowly, you rolled up your sleeve and unwrapped the gauze from your arm, revealing a vibrant tattoo underneath that hadn’t been there the other night. It was a heart made out of a thin branch or vine covered with leaves and small, five-petal blue flowers accented with yellow centers. It was a delicate design that perfectly fit the curvature of your arm.

“Wow. That looks amazing. Remind me to ask for your guy’s number if I ever decide to get more ink.”

Jake reached out to touch the design but hesitated as you whispered, “They’re forget-me-nots.”

He glanced at your face which was still smiling though he could see a hint of moisture collecting in your eyes. When you gave him a small nod, he let his fingers gently graze the tender skin of your freshly inked arm. It was only then that he noticed the small, faint lettering on the stem at the bottom of the heart: BOB. 

Running his thumb over the letters, Jake said, “He would’ve loved this.”

“I think he would’ve too.” You ran your finger over one of the flowers as you gazed at it lovingly. Then you dropped your hand as you cleared your throat. “So, how much longer are you in town?”

Jake straightened up, removing his hand from your arm. “Just a few more days. I should be getting my medical clearance at the end of the month so I need to go home and make sure everything is in order for me to return to active duty.”

“That’s sort of a shame. I think your time on leave has been good for you.”

Jake frowned slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. You’re…. different. Like, it’s not just the longer hair and the beard– both of which look really great on you by the way– but it’s your attitude and how you hold yourself. Plus I don’t think the old Jake would have ever done what you did the other night.”

“Yeah, well, then maybe this new Jake is just an idiot. He’d have to be to ever push you away.”

“Not an idiot. Just a better man than people give him credit for.” Leaning over, you lightly pressed your lips to his cheek. 

Jake felt his heart leap in his chest and it took everything in him not to turn his head and capture your lips with his. But you were right, he had changed. The old Jake probably would have kissed you, yet now….

Clearing his throat as you took a step back, he asked, “What do you think you’ll do now?”

Sighing, you said, “I don’t know. Without Bob, I don’t really have a reason to stay in California. My parents want me to move back near them so I have a familial support system around and I’m considering it. I think a change would be good for me.”

“Apparently, it did wonders for me,” Jake teased. “But whatever you decide, I’m always here if you need anything, anything at all. You have my number.” 

Reaching out, you placed your hand on his arm and gave it a light squeeze. “Thank you. I’ll remember that. And good luck going back to work. Be safe up there.”

You dropped your hand and started to walk out of the door. When you were halfway down the steps, Jake called out, “Hey… Maybe one day in the future if you decide it’s time to move on with someone new, you look me up.”

Glancing back towards the door, you gave him a small, reserved smile. “Maybe…. One day. Goodbye, Jake.” Then you turned and soon disappeared from view. 

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[a-reader-and-a-writer]

Make Me Forget

Winter Whumperland 2022: Day 8. Unexpected Kindness Fandom: Top Gun, Top Gun: Maverick, Jake "Hangman" Seresin, f!reader, former Bob x reader

Summary: Soon after a tragedy strikes, Jake finds you at his door late one night. Will he do what he has always dreamt of and you are now begging him for? Or will he find the strength to do what is right?

Word Count: 4300

TW: Emotional Angst, Grief, Death of a Loved One, Main Character Death, Tears, Drunk Reader makes bad decisions, Intoxicated Kiss, Tattoo

Notes: Thank you to @lorecraft and @green-socks for talking me through this and their support! I love you guys!

Sequel to No Laughing Matter but can also be read as a stand-alone piece.

As Jake poured his third glass of bourbon of the night, he was starting to regret not taking Coyote up on his offer to go to the movies with him and his new girlfriend. There wasn’t anything interesting playing, but it would have been nice to take his mind off of things and just mindlessly watch some robots blow some shit up or whatever for two and a half hours. But instead, he was sitting alone in a dimly lit room with only his drink for company. Not his smartest idea, but he just didn’t know how to act around his best friend at the moment.

For the past eight months, Jake had been on an extended medical leave back in Texas after he was injured in a training exercise. The break was actually doing him a lot of good. He had forgotten what it felt like to not have to try to be the best all the time. For the first time since joining the Naval Academy straight out of high school, he let himself relax and didn’t worry about how he compared to those around him. He stopped cutting his hair and grew a beard, both things he was never allowed to do while on active duty. It felt like he had control over everything in his life for once. That was until he had gotten the phone call.

Which was how he found himself staying in this rental house back in California a month before he was to be cleared for active duty. Though they had kept in contact through texts and emails, he hadn’t expected to be in person with the entire Dagger Squad again this soon. Or at least…. almost the entire squad.

Downing the rest of his glass of bourbon, he reached for the bottle to pour another when a knock on his door drew his attention. At almost one a.m., he had no idea who it could be. Only a few people even knew where he was staying, and he had made it clear he wanted to be left alone tonight.

Throwing the door open, Jake inhaled sharply as he saw the last person he expected standing just outside. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

You rolled your eyes. “Well, hello to you too, Jake. You sure know how to make a girl feel wanted.”

“No, I’m sorry. I was just surprised to see you here. Especially this late.”

Neither of you spoke for a long moment, each just staring at the other. Jake hadn’t seen you since the service a few days ago but you looked even worse than you had then. Your hair was a mess, your lipstick was smudged, and your eyes looked sunken and bloodshot. It wouldn’t surprise Jake if he learned you hadn’t slept more than a few hours over the last few days. Not that he would have blamed you. 

Finally, you broke the silence and asked, “You gonna make me keep standing out here, or are you gonna let me in?”

 “Oh, right, sorry.” Jake held the door open wider as you pushed past him into the house. “How’d you get here? You didn’t drive, did you?”

You scoffed. “No. Do you really think I’m that irresponsible? Phoenix put me in a car after she made me leave the bar. The guy was driving past and I remembered you were staying here while you were in town.” You stumbled slightly as you walked around the small space examining the decor. It was clear why Phoenix sent you home for the night, though Jake was surprised she hadn’t insisted on going with you.

You spotted the still-open bottle of bourbon sitting on the table and grabbed at it, almost knocking it off the table. Without even trying to look for a glass, you pressed it to your lips and took a long swig. You grimaced as you swallowed yet raised the bottle for a second drink, but Jake placed his hand on your wrist before you could.

He gently eased the bottle out of your hand and set it back down. Running his hand lightly up and down your arm, he asked, “Not that it isn’t great to see you and all, but whatcha doing here, sweetheart? It’s late and it looks like you’ve already had an exciting night. Maybe you should just be heading home. I can drive you.” He reconsidered as he remembered the three glasses of bourbon he had drank that night. “Well, I can make sure you get home safely.”

“I don’t wanna go home,” you muttered faintly as you ran your fingers through the few drops of bourbon that had fallen onto the table. “I came here for you. I want you to do what you said…. last year in the bar.”

Jake’s brow furrowed as he tried to remember what you might be talking about. “I say a lot of things. You wanna give me a hint which one you’re talking about?”

Awkwardly removing your jacket and letting it fall to the floor behind you, you took a step closer causing Jake to step back so you didn’t bump into his chest. “You said one night was all it would take. That after one night with you, I would forget his name. I’m here so you can help me forget.”

Jake felt all the blood drain from his face as he realized what you were talking about. The night in the Hard Deck when he had gotten very drunk and tried to fight Bob. Not that it had been much of a fight considering Bob had laid him out with a single punch, but Jake had still felt awful about it. He apologized to both you and Bob the next day and it seemed like that night had been pretty much forgotten by everyone involved. But he guessed he was wrong….

Jake placed his hands on your now bare shoulders. “Sweetheart, you know I didn’t mean that. It was a stupid, drunken mistake that–”

“You meant it.” Your tone wasn’t harsh or accusing, just matter-of-fact. You took yet another step closer. “You’ve wanted me since the first day we met, don’t deny it. And you can try to brush off all your comments as teasing but I saw the look in your eye when you made them. You meant every word. But that’s okay. Because tonight, I’m giving you exactly what you’ve always wanted.”

You slammed your lips against Jake’s, catching him by surprise as you pushed him back against the wall. Your hands threaded through his long locks, grabbing hold and using them to pull him even deeper into your lips. Jake could taste the strong sting of alcohol on your breath as your tongue slipped clumsily into his mouth and he froze, unsure of what to do.

For just a second, he considered it. He had dreamt about you often since the day Bob introduced you, and they were always the sort of dreams where he couldn’t look Bob in the eye for a few hours afterward. Yet he had resigned himself to the fact that even if you and Bob ever broke up, you weren’t the kind of girl to go for someone like him. So this, this kiss, this chance, it was more than he ever hoped for.

And yet the second you slid your knee up to rub against the growing bulge in his pants, he snapped out of it. Grabbing your wrists, he gently untangled your hands from his hair and eased you off of him. Your eyes darted across his face, so desperate and confused as to why he pulled away that he almost lost his resolve and pressed his lips against yours once more.

Panting slightly, he whispered, “We can’t do this. I–I can’t do this.”

“Why not? It’s what you always wanted.”

“I can’t,” Jake whispered again, shaking his head.

Running your thumb over his cheek, tears began to roll down your face as you whispered back, “Yes, you can. It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s gone, Jake. He’s gone, and I’m falling apart without him. I just need someone right now. I need you. I need you to take me back into the bedroom and do what you’ve always wanted, just…. just make me forget. Please. Just for tonight. I just need this pain to go away for just one goddamn night.”

You leaned forward again but he shifted slightly so instead of your lips meeting, your foreheads did. Pressing firmly against you, Jake closed his eyes and took several long, deep breaths before he muttered, “Please don’t ask me again. I’m not a good enough man to deny you a third time. You’re right, I’ve always wanted you. I still want you. But not like this. We both deserve better than that.” Jake opened his eyes and stared directly into yours. “He deserves better than that.”

You jerked your head back as if he had slapped you, rapidly blinking in shock. Releasing him, you stumbled back from the wall, turning your back to him. When you finally faced him once more, Jake could tell some of the alcohol-induced fog had lifted. Tears were streaming down your face more quickly now and your bottom lip was quivering so hard, he could almost hear your teeth chattering.

Wrapping your arms across your chest, you sobbed, “What am I doing? He’s been gone for only a little over a week and I’m already throwing myself at one of his best friends.” 

Jake wasn’t sure if you were just being hyperbolic in the heat of the moment, but hearing you call him “one of his best friends” caused a knot to form in Jake’s chest. But he ignored his own pain and tried to gather you into his arms, “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay.”

You struggled to free yourself from his embrace. “No, it’s not! I promised him I’d never do something like this. That he was the only one I ever wanted to be with. And now…. Now I almost–” Another wailing sob ripped through you, cutting off the rest of your words. 

Jake didn’t know what to do. In fact, he’d been having a harder time than expected dealing with what happened. As unrealistic as it was, Jake couldn’t help but wonder if things would have been different if he had been back from leave and flying with the squad. Maybe he could have provided cover for Phoenix and Bob’s plane. Maybe that lucky bullet from the enemy wouldn’t have broken through the canopy and struck Bob in the neck. Maybe then he wouldn’t have bled out before Phoenix could even land the plane.

But all the what-ifs and could-have-been’s in the world wouldn’t change the fact that Bob was dead, and you were currently falling apart in Jake’s arms. However, where Jake might not have been there to help Bob then, he damn sure was going to do everything in his power to help you now.

“Sweetheart, look at me. Look at me!” You stopped struggling and gazed helplessly into Jake’s eyes. “I can’t be your Band-Aid to try to stop the pain, but you did nothing wrong tonight. It was only just a kiss and even if it had gone farther, you wouldn’t have been breaking any promises to him. Even in marriage, these things are only ‘til death do us part’, right? You held up your end of the bargain and he would understand. He would want you to be happy.”

 “But I’m not! How am I ever supposed to be happy again when Bob is gone! We had our whole lives planned out together. He was going to propose and leave the Navy after his next tour so we could start a family. But now it’s all gone and I don’t know what to do.” 

All of the fight suddenly went out of you, and you collapsed limply into Jake’s arms. Holding you tightly, Jake slowly sank to the floor and pulled you into his lap. Balling your fists into his shirt, you clung to him frantically as your body was wracked with sobs. There was nothing Jake could do but hold you tight and remind you that you weren’t alone.

After what seemed like hours, your sobs softened into sniffles before you eventually fell silent. Finally, you whispered, “Jake, how do I do this? It’s just too big. How do I deal with it?”

He took a deep breath and held it for a second before slowly releasing it. “I honestly don’t know. I guess you just take it one day at a time. It’s the best any of us can do. But you’re not alone. Let your friends help you through this.”

“Is that what we are, Jake? Friends?”

“I’d like to think so.” There was a moment of silence before Jake asked, “Why did you really come here tonight? To me. Was it just because you were driving by or….”

“You weren’t supposed to be this noble,” you chuckled dryly. “I thought out of everyone… Coyote has his new girlfriend, Fanboy and Payback can barely look at me right now, and Rooster’s been glued to Phoenix’s side all week. She’s trying to be strong for me but I know how much she is hurting too and he’s really helped her deal with things. So, that left you. And with your reputation and your little thing for me, I thought it was a full-proof plan. I guess I underestimated you. I’m sorry.”

“No, I guess that’s fair. You were right when you said I wanted you and that there was some truth behind my jokes and teasing. But I hope you know I would never have actually done anything. I wouldn’t have done that to Bob.”

You smiled softly as you linked your fingers with his before squeezing his hand. “I know. And so did he. He never minded your flirting because he said he knew at the end of the day you would never actually try it or make a move. And that I would never try anything either. So he just ignored it.” You shook your head softly. “God, how could someone have been so good?”

“I don’t know.” Jake wiped a tear off your cheek. “But he loved you so much. You were all he ever talked about when we were on a mission, just getting back to you. And Phoenix says your name was the last thing he said before…”

“She told me. I just wish I had been able to say goodbye.” Your voice broke and Jake pulled you tightly against his chest as your tears began to fall once more.

But they didn’t last very long. All of your crying must have taken a lot out of you because as your sobs began to dwindle and fade, Jake felt you slowly sagging in his arms. When he glanced down, he saw your eyes drooping further and further. The tears, alcohol, and late hour of night were all catching up to you and it wouldn’t be long before you had passed out completely.

Jake carefully helped get you to your feet before rising off the floor himself. His legs were numb from the way he was sitting, but he tried his best to ignore the sensation as he led you toward the bedroom.

“Where are we goin’?” you mumbled sleepily, your head leaning against his shoulder as he guided you.

“It’s late and I think it’s best if you stay here tonight. You can take my room and I’ll stay out on the couch. That way you can have the bed and a door with a lock if you want it.”

You chuckled softly without lifting your head. “Jake, I literally tried to force myself onto you tonight, and you turned me down. I think I can trust you not to sneak into the room while I’m sleeping.”

“True, but whatever makes you the most comfortable.” 

He helped you climb into bed and covered you with his blanket. Almost immediately, your eyes fluttered closed and your breathing slowed. For just a moment, Jake stood there watching you sleep. You looked so relaxed and peaceful, that he wondered what you were dreaming about. It probably involved a blue-eyed, glasses-wearing WSO, or at least, he hoped it did. 

Leaning over, Jake softly pressed his lips to the top of your head as he whispered, “Good night, sweetheart.”

Then he quietly backed out of the room and went to try to make the couch as comfortable as possible.

The sound of the front door clicking shut woke Jake the next morning. After raising his head slightly and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he saw a note and a still-steaming cup of coffee on the table in front of him. Sitting up, he brought the coffee to his lips as he read the note. It was short and sweet: Thanks for what you did…. and didn’t do.

Jake didn’t hear anything from you after that. He tried to text a few times, but you never responded. He talked to Phoenix so at least he knew you had made it home okay after you left his place, but that was all the information she would give him. 

Days went by and he was just starting to think that he would never see or hear from you again when a knock sounded at his front door. And just like a few nights earlier, he opened it to see you standing there.

This time, you looked more like the you he remembered from before Bob’s death. The bags under your eyes weren’t as pronounced, your clothes looked more put together, and when you smiled at him as he opened the door, there was actually some light in your eyes. “Hey.”

“Hey….” he said as he leaned heavily on the door. “I’ve been thinking about you. How are you?”

“Um, better, I think. Still not good, and I don’t even know if I’ll ever be good again, but I guess progress is progress. Just taking it one day at a time, right?”

He smiled. “Yeah. One day at a time.”

There was a long pause before you said, “You really don’t like inviting me in, do you?”

“Oh! Sorry. Come in.” Jake stepped to the side, allowing you to pass by him, your arm lightly brushing his chest as you did. Once you were inside, he closed the door and asked, “So, uh, what can I do for you, sweetheart?”

With your back to him, you said, “I wanted to thank you for the other night. I wasn’t in a good place and I had been drinking and I made some bad decisions. And while I’m still not in a good place, now that I’m sober I’m mortified about said decisions. But the way you handled it….” You turned to face him, your lip quivering slightly. “Honestly, Jake, I don’t know how I would have ever forgiven myself if I woke up the next morning and realized we had gone through with it. Just thinking about it makes me physically ill.”

“Damn. I don’t think I would have been that bad in bed,” Jake scoffed, but he gave you a wide grin to let you know he was joking.

You smiled softly. “I’m sure you would have been exceptional. And I have no doubt that you could have lived up to your promise of making me forget everyone and everything but you in that moment.” Your face fell. “But after, when I did remember,…. It would have destroyed me. And I’m not saying I’ll never sleep with anyone ever again, but doing it that night– for that reason– would have felt like such a betrayal to Bob’s memory. So thank you for stopping me. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision to make.”

Jake ran his hand over the back of his neck. “I won’t lie and say part of me doesn’t regret not going through with it just a little bit, but overall I’m also glad it didn’t happen. When you feel like it’s time to take that step, you have every right to sleep with whoever you want and you’ll have nothing to feel guilty for. But I agree that night wasn’t the best time for it.”

“No, it wasn’t.” You shifted slightly as you looked at the floor. “I, uh, I was having an extra hard time that night because the Navy finally gave me a box of Bob’s stuff and I found a receipt where he had put a down payment on a ring.”

Inhaling sharply, Jake said, “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

You shook your head. “It’s okay. We had talked about it a lot and I knew he was going to propose soon, I just wasn’t expecting that soon. It just made me think about all of the plans we had made that won’t ever happen now and…. I tried to drink the pain away but when that didn’t happen, I turned to you. It’s not an excuse for why I did what I did, but I thought you should have a little more context for why it happened.”

“No context needed. You got drunk and tried to sleep with the first available person you found. Who hasn’t been there?” You reached out and took his hand, giving it a small squeeze of thanks. The shift in your position drew Jake’s attention to something he hadn’t noticed before. He nodded towards the gauze poking out of the bottom of your shirt sleeve. “Didya do something to your arm?” 

A soft smile spread across your lips as you glanced down at the floor. “I did, actually. I thought a lot about the other night and you made me realize that no matter how painful it is, I never want to forget Bob…. ever. I love him and I will always love him and I don’t want to forget a second of our time together or what he means to me. So, I found a way to keep a constant reminder of that with me always.”

Slowly, you rolled up your sleeve and unwrapped the gauze from your arm, revealing a vibrant tattoo underneath that hadn’t been there the other night. It was a heart made out of a thin branch or vine covered with leaves and small, five-petal blue flowers accented with yellow centers. It was a delicate design that perfectly fit the curvature of your arm.

“Wow. That looks amazing. Remind me to ask for your guy’s number if I ever decide to get more ink.”

Jake reached out to touch the design but hesitated as you whispered, “They’re forget-me-nots.”

He glanced at your face which was still smiling though he could see a hint of moisture collecting in your eyes. When you gave him a small nod, he let his fingers gently graze the tender skin of your freshly inked arm. It was only then that he noticed the small, faint lettering on the stem at the bottom of the heart: BOB. 

Running his thumb over the letters, Jake said, “He would’ve loved this.”

“I think he would’ve too.” You ran your finger over one of the flowers as you gazed at it lovingly. Then you dropped your hand as you cleared your throat. “So, how much longer are you in town?”

Jake straightened up, removing his hand from your arm. “Just a few more days. I should be getting my medical clearance at the end of the month so I need to go home and make sure everything is in order for me to return to active duty.”

“That’s sort of a shame. I think your time on leave has been good for you.”

Jake frowned slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. You’re…. different. Like, it’s not just the longer hair and the beard– both of which look really great on you by the way– but it’s your attitude and how you hold yourself. Plus I don’t think the old Jake would have ever done what you did the other night.”

“Yeah, well, then maybe this new Jake is just an idiot. He’d have to be to ever push you away.”

“Not an idiot. Just a better man than people give him credit for.” Leaning over, you lightly pressed your lips to his cheek. 

Jake felt his heart leap in his chest and it took everything in him not to turn his head and capture your lips with his. But you were right, he had changed. The old Jake probably would have kissed you, yet now….

Clearing his throat as you took a step back, he asked, “What do you think you’ll do now?”

Sighing, you said, “I don’t know. Without Bob, I don’t really have a reason to stay in California. My parents want me to move back near them so I have a familial support system around and I’m considering it. I think a change would be good for me.”

“Apparently, it did wonders for me,” Jake teased. “But whatever you decide, I’m always here if you need anything, anything at all. You have my number.” 

Reaching out, you placed your hand on his arm and gave it a light squeeze. “Thank you. I’ll remember that. And good luck going back to work. Be safe up there.”

You dropped your hand and started to walk out of the door. When you were halfway down the steps, Jake called out, “Hey… Maybe one day in the future if you decide it’s time to move on with someone new, you look me up.”

Glancing back towards the door, you gave him a small, reserved smile. “Maybe…. One day. Goodbye, Jake.” Then you turned and soon disappeared from view. 

Taglist: @loverhymeswith, @babblydrabbly, @mayhem24-7forever, @11thstreetvigilante, @merlehs, @green-socks, @sunshineflowerchild789, @shanimallina87, @topguncortez, @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy, @hederasgarden, @callsign-phoenix, @wildbornsiren, @lt-natrace, @the-untamed-soul, @inglourious-imagines, @airhogger, @piscesvancouverite, @straightforwardly, @bonnieelizabethparker, @srry-itshockeyszn, @flyinlove, @fandomhopped, @sweetheartlizzie07, @yjwnoot, @wanderdreamer, @callsign-fox, @imjess-themess, @joalsglasses, @curlyolly, @nobody7102, @footprintsinthesxnd, @thesewordsxlibrary, @double-j, @phoenix1389, @some-lovely-day, @fantasticcopeaglepasta, @forever-sleepy-sloth, @notroosterbradshaw, @dezthegeek, @blessupblessup, @cherrycola27, @phoenix1389, @nicangelinee, @smells-like-perfect-senses, @boringusername3, @petlaufeyson, @cycbaby

[f0point5]

pretty sure you’ve talked about this already so many times so if you don’t want to keep talking about it no worries!!

but this Logan/Kimi swap thing BAFFLES me. Yes, Logan should have improved more by now. I really feel for him because it’s clear that he’s trying to improve and just can’t figure it out for some reason. Plus the team’s bizarre switch from “we resigned Logan because we believe in him” to what appears from the outside to be a lack of support. But i agree he won’t be on the grid next year.

But at the same time it’s idiotic for the FIA to approve the dispensation because then the rules are essentially meaningless. It’s idiotic for Williams to take on an underprepared driver (because as talented as Kimi might be, there’s no way he’s adequately prepared for F1 right now) when part of Logan’s issues were due to being underprepared. If this kid gets eaten alive then merc will have thrown away so much potential. Genuinely I think there’s an incredibly high chance no one wins here. Maybe it all works out, but it seems like a hell of a risk just because you’re worried that he might sign elsewhere.

anyway excuse the rant lol just read the new chapter and so intrigued 👀 hoping lando comes thru for you this weekend <3

No I could go for DAYS.

I wouldn’t blame the team for replacing Logan mid season. It’s incredibly difficult to score points at the bottom and you need to be running two cars. Williams have been fighting one handed. Logan is just not cut out for this, that to me is clear. I am so curious why they resigned him, I guess because they didn’t have any other options from their academy, but the way they seem to have absolutely had enough of him is sad. To hear him on the radio calling himself a “dumb fuck” is horrible. It’s all hard to watch. It’s giving Red Bull.

I don’t understand the Kimi thing. They made this rule because they didn’t want any more children in F1. How would they just throw that out the window because someone asks? And not even for a kid who has a wealth of experience. He’s driven what? 18 months in actual cars? The FIA will out themselves as a complete joke if they say yes. I guess Williams will be saying “we will put him in the day he turns 18 if you say no so you may as well say yes it’s 4 months early”, but I think they have to stick to their guns and say not a day before the 18th birthday.

I don’t have an issue with him being in the car. Maybe he’s another Max, maybe he’s not. Regardless, I think if he is good enough, he will show something. And if he doesn’t, then he doesn’t, there will be others who come up through the feeder series who do. I don’t put a lot of stock in preparedness beyond physical fitness. Another few months of driving F2 where the cars are very slow, very different set up wise, and honestly where the racing is kinda just a free for all is probably not going to prepare him any better than he is now (considering how few F2 races there actually are as well). I think talent shines through. Logan might have done better with more prep but he probably never would have been Oscar. And yes Kimi is underprepared, but the best prep you can get is just to drive, so if Toto really is planning to put Kimi in the Merc seat, this is the smartest way to get around the rules about testing. Because that’s all it’ll be, is testing. He can sit in the Williams for half a season and get his bearings, go to Merc and get his bearings again in 2025, and by 2026 he would be an incredibly well prepared driver. IF that is how Toto decides to approach it, and not expect results from Kimi. I actually do see the merit in it. But only if it’s approached properly by everyone involved which with Toto you can’t guarantee. BUT the FIA throwing out the rule book would be insane.

I’m SO interested what on earth Toto has promised Vowles to get a Merc junior who will essentially be wasting a seat for Williams in the middle of a season. Granted he probably can’t be worse than Sargent but again, James will effectively just have Alex all year. Are Williams getting free engines?

Fundamentally I think the person who comes away with egg on their face here is James Vowles. Mr “you need to give a rookie three years and an arm around the shoulder” has absolutely exposed himself as TotoLite™️. As for Kimi, I can only hope he has a good team around him and that he has people who will come to the paddock and look out for him and not just let Toto run his career. Because I don’t think him being in F1 early is a guaranteed failure, but I think he will need a strong support network and someone looking out for his best interests.

I’m just shocked by this turn of events in all honesty

[ohshy]

Apart from Hipercy, what are your favorite punch out fics?

im assuming u meant ships right?? IN AAANY CASE, here u go bro !!

Royal army (von kaiser x king hippo) is definitely up there as my favorite PO ship. I love how it started out as a crackship from a joke in animal crossing but then just delved into Whatever the fuck w/ maber KJDHKSJF.

But seriously though !! they just Work somehow... like you have both of them having royal names (albeit i hc hippos is an actual title he carries, and kaisers more of a stage name bc of his interest in royal n military history). Plus, I think kaiser would b very interested in learning more ab hippos culture n hippo would b happy to indulge him. It's what elevates Kaiser from ''just another peasant'' to Hippo as someone who he's willing to talk to! Not many people take his title seriously as hippo island's fairly unknown outside of the south pacific hes from, so when they first meet, Kaiser's a huge breath of fresh air to him.

Seeing as Kaiser is a polyglot as well in my HC, I like to think he was one of the few people in the WVBA who had prior knowledge of Hippo Island and it's language. Although Kaiser can only speak a couple basic sentences and struggles with the pronounciation, Hippo still appreciates the effort. In turn, Kaiser has also taught Hippo some German, the language being easier to Hippo due to the sounds made.

Totally T4T (tism4tism).

ALSO imagine the hippo island kids n kaiser's academy kids going on some type of exchange w/ one another !! theyd have the time of their lives !! The kids would totally get into an argument over who's cooler too.

They're a lot like opposites attracting as well. Hippo, although he is responsible to his people, is generally a lot more easygoing n defo helps kaiser let loose a bit more like how he did in his 20s (berliner party days baybe !!!) But Hippo learns a lot from Kaiser too ! he really admires his work ethic, and loves how much of a leader n fatherly he is to the kids he teaches. He admires his resilience as well, both having confided much into eachother. His resilicience almost like a... MACHINE?!? Either way, both have positions in which they lead in some way, and theyve both taught eachother a lot.

Also they bond over dead mother figures (hippos who died of illness, and kaiser's who went missing when he was very young.)

As for how they'd butt heads, would be kaisers endless need to seek approval due to his dad being emotionally constipated, and hippos occasional emotional outbursts (poor emotional regulation). also hippos friendly teasing (how he shows affection, aside from physical contact) sometimes strikes a nerve w/ kaiser, esp if it's about his age or career.

One time, after a particularly exhausting match, kaiser just fell asleep on hippos lap as the latter was holding him. Aran walked by in disbelief, w/ hippo going ''heh, jealous? ;)'' w/ aran going ''Nah, not at all''

One last thing.... hippo sees kaiser as a kitten (thank you maber for that idea i am obsessed); kaiser's height n physique r significantly smaller than hippo's, leading to hippo often times patting him on the head n even picking him up like he weighs nothing. Kaiser secretly rly likes it, but he won't tell him directly because yknow... hes got a rep to protect.

^ Kaiser to Hippo

other ships i like include.... Red bull (soda x bull) burnt bread (joe x aran) u can blame charlie for both those (jk jk bro im glad u got me into those ships. But please read his fics, thats how i got into them) and disco kid x heike kagero !!

Red bull is just very neat bc of the whole, in simple terms, sunshine x grump dynamic (and im saying simple terms bc charlie's fics flesh out their relationship A LOT more n its basically the best ok go read his fics), burnt bread bc of how unlikely yet funny it is, and disco x heike bc, eventhough theyve never interacted, you KNOW theyd absolutely be bffs at the very least.

[despair-to-future-arcs]

What about meeting Junko?

USAMI: And I suppose that's when Junko came into the picture...

Yeah... she was the only person that understood me and got me, especially as she gave me a plan to create what I wanted...

USAMI: I see... so she gave you more freedom...

Well yeah and I feel like a dumbass but I don't think you can blame me for taking up her offer; after all compare to Hope's Peak Academy, it was a breath of fresh air and if you remember those, helmets... I made those...

...

...

...

Date: September 6th, 2011

*finishes up a car* There we go, another one complete... this is boring...

???: I know right, having to fix up broken and beaten up cars, never given a chance to create anything because of this school, must be a bother!

Huh? *Kazuichi look and saw Junko standing at the door*

Heya, so... are you Kazuichi Souda? I heard quite a bit about you.

Your the Ultimate Mechanic that tinkers with machines and the various like, correct?

Ye-Yeah... I am, but you shouldn't be in here, y'know - there's a lot of tools that can hurt you. (I think I remember her being from Class 78; she's rather pretty...)

*walks over as standing next to him* Oh don't worry, I'll be careful! I was just hoping to talk with you and wanted to ask you about this school since I am a first year, after all.

Oh... you do? Well I got the rules with me if you want to see...

Oooh that's great actually, can you show me it? Sadly I didn't get one at the start of the year and have no idea of the rules so I wasn't sure what to do, so do you mind?

Oh yeah, sure thing! I got it in my bag! *walks over and grabs it*

I already read it over a few times so I can give you a copy...

*reading it* It's fine, I'm just going to read this for a bit...

I see... this is like, super restrictive and putting people in the box, I guess you do need order. Hey, do you like the rules here?

Huh?

Well I mean... I don't really mind them, I mean they keep me from getting in trouble so I find them to be okay...

Oh really? Even if they limit your creativity or doesn't let you expand your talent at all?

If you ask me, they squander potential with their students and I think it's unfair that they won't let you create what you want.

Hmm, I mean... I guess your right, this school... they don't let me do what I want; all they ask me is to repair stuff...

Exactly, I'm happy you agree! So why not come with me and I can help you expand your horizons then.

Uh... sure thing then...

Great! Just follow me and I'll bring you to a place to let you do as you please!

*Junko lead the way which Kazuichi follow which the next place thy ended up...*

Whoa... what is this place? Where are we?

What does it look like? A place you can work on anything you like and be creative!

Oh... okay, so like the school won't find out about this?

Well as long as you don't say anything they won't but you can create whatever you want, anything you desire; you can do as you please so go ahead and be creative!

Huh... so I can create what I please...? (Hm, I mean... I can finally do what I please...)

Okay cool, I'll get to work! Thanks a bunch there!

'I couldn't refuse, it was very tempting, so I accepted her offer and just started created what I wanted but she told me to not bring them to school...'

[beauzos]

obligatory yuty for the ask!!! but also if you dont want to only talk abt yuty then Ummm fulbright:3 or both even if youre feeling fancy...

Send me a character and I’ll list:

I already got one for Yuty, but thank you! So Fulbright it is.

Favorite thing about them: His pure of heart, dumb of ass nature... idk! I just feel like his bombastic, friendly personality is so lovable. I was invested in him from the second I met him! He just leaves such an impact with his silly but earnest personality. I love how determined he is, how he's got these big emotions and how much he believes in Blackquill and isn't scared of him one bit even though everyone else is because he sees Blackquill's raw potential. Waaaa. It's nice. Least favorite thing about them: Beyond him tasing Blackquill, um. What they did to his character by having him get murdered off-screen before the game starts lol. I think the way they did the Phantom twist was incredibly lame and I've talked extensively about it before so I'll spare y'all and just link the posts where I've bitched about it instead. 1 | 2

I haven't thought about it in a while so my opinions may have changed a bit idk just read these KRKFNM Second post isn't mine but I did leave a fucking tag essay so there's that. I do plan on replaying Dual Destinies soon to see what I feel about the game after knowing everything I do now, though. Favorite line: idk if it's a favorite line exactly but my favorite moment with him is in Turnabout Academy where he pops out of the art room window and is like "oh it's y'all!! in justice we trust!!" and helps out Athena and Apollo while Athena excitedly greets him n Klav and Apollo are like ??? It's so cute. brOTP: Ummm him with Ema is pretty fun! I want all the detectives to be buddies, and I think that Ema would originally be so pissed off and annoyed by him, but come to appreciate his earnestness and kindness. I think once she cools off and becomes a proper forensic detective she'd mellow out and be much more open to befriending people she works with. I think they'd get along very well. I also like the headcanons where Bobby really looks up to Gumshoe, so I like their dynamic too.

I also think him and Yuty would be fun. I think Nahyuta would be annoyed by Fulbright at first like Ema, though. But Fulbright probably fills a similar environmental niche to Datz, so I think Nahyuta could deal with him eventually. I imagined this scenario (admittedly in a shippy sense-- I think Madhibright is a funny ship and kinda cute, but I don't actually ship it anymore, they're just pals) where they meet post-SOJ and thought it'd be fun. Here's that post I made. OTP: Blackbright, I guess! IDK, I don't ship as much for him as I used to, but this is still my number one. I LOVE their dynamic in DD, I love the possibilities of what a dynamic could be like post-DD had he lived, so on. They're definitely Together but it might be kind of an unlabeled grey area friendship gay thing too. I don't know KRKF but I like them a lot! It's fun. I think they're very cute. nOTP: I dunno. Who are they gonna ship him with if not Blackquill? The Phantom? I've seen cute stuff with the Phantom and him as buddies that I find interesting. I wouldn't call romantically shipping them a NOTP, it's just vaguely weird but I don't really care at all. So, none I guess. Random headcanon: He's from the South and has a Southern accent!!! I love giving characters I like Southern accents it's kind of a thing I do if I have an excuse to, lol. It's why like half the Tazmily villagers were written with accents during my Mother 3 fanfic days. I think it suits him, idk why. It's better than the goofy ass voice they gave him in DD 😭 Unpopular opinion: idk. I don't know what people think about him, aside from him being another character the AA subreddit will try to convince you just absolutely sucks. Aside from, like, I don't know, I think it's a bit off sometimes if AUs where Bobby lives that people try to put all the blame for shitty behavior towards Blackquill on the Phantom. I get why, but I think sometimes it's worth examining how his position of power could be harmful to Blackquill regardless of his pure intentions or whatever. He's a cop, after all.

I know some people are uncomfortable with the ethics of a ship with Blackquill while he's still in prison (which is why some folks will specifically only interpret Blackbright as a post-DD thing) but I'm also like. idk I think THAT'S worth examining too! By people smarter than me. I'm not doing it KRKF I just find their dynamics interesting, warts and all.

I get it, though. Sometimes you just don't wanna fucking get into it SDJN but yeah! Song I associate with them: Never Ever Getting Rid of Me from Waitress. Quintessential Blackbright song Favorite picture of them: This pose is my fave everrr it's adorable.

though I also like the one official art where he's crying looking at Blackquill. ok gay ass

[pink-gladioli]

guess whos back with a fanfic this time?!

its me ya boi tumblr user pink-gladioli. so this time i think i wrote something that counts as a fanfic, lets goooo. this is Macys first interactions with the Knights Academy and Jestro. Note in my rewrite/au idk what to call it, the knights academy students start their training at age 10 so jestro is a second year in this. Again in my brain au macy doesn't really start talking to the knights + jestro until shes 12/13 so thats why they're their stated age. also you might notice that the language i use when talking about squirebots almost implies that they aren't human and you'd be right! i wanted to convay the fact that almost nobody sees the squirebots as people which is why i used dehumanizing language when talking about them. (squirebots need rights, Fancypants for president 2024) anyways have fun reading this shitshow!

The holotrain ran across the capital, crossing the squirebots bellow doing their daily errands for their noble born masters, with only two one person inside. Macy stared out the window watching as her train traveled across the city getting closer and closer to her destination. She wasn’t going far and taking the high-speed train only made the trip even shorter. Finally saw her destination, The Knights Academy. She’s lucky to be out her by herself, it took a lot convincing and some help from Merlok, but she eventually was able to convince her parents to let her observe one of the tournaments of the 151st class.

Luckily a “friend” of hers was in the class, if Lances parents didn’t force him to attend the academy, she doubts that she would have been able to bring up the idea of viewing a tournament without being immediately getting shut down by her family’s squirebot before she even thought of asking her parents. However, she can’t really blame her parents for being protective over her, she is a princess and the future queen, it makes sense they would want to keep her safe inside the confines of the royal palace until she was old enough to detect dangerous people or situations. But she always felt she was old enough to leave, since she was eight, she was able to traverse the battlefield of her father’s royal balls; always knowing when the other nobles talked to her only in the hopes of getting something in return in the future. In fact, Lance was one of those nobles, but his case was always odd to her, it was clear that he had some passion but every time he dared to show it, it was put out like a candle. Foolish on his side, he was born into a family of knights, there was no point of trying to change his parents’ minds. They were even more traditional than hers! They weren’t the type to change their way of thinking, nor would they actually listen to their children, it makes her wonder they even had a second child. Perhaps it was maintain face, or did actually have that little faith in Lance to bring honor to the Richmond name? They are only twelve after all, they still have room to change.

Regardless she’s glad to be here without her parents, it made her feel mature. Of course, she had Fancypants by her side but that’s to expected for anyone born in the capital, having a personal squirebot is almost a sign of status in her world. “Princess, we’ve arrived,” said Fancypants breaking Macy out of her trance “Oh we are, we should go, I’d hate to leave Sir Brickland waiting.” As she walked the doors of the train, they opened she saw Swordmore Brickland standing in front of his school. “Ah, Princess Macy, it is always an honor to have a member of the royal family at our fine institution!” as he finished his sentence, he turned his eyes back to trains doors, expecting someone else to come out, but no one did. Macy paid no mind to this, “Thank you Sir Brickland the honor is mine, thank you for letting me observe the tournaments of some of your students” “Well I’m proud to let to you know you won’t be disappointed with my students’ abilities, Clay Moorington is in the class you will be viewing, and he is one of the best students I’ve ever seen!” Brickland said confidently. Moorington, she had heard that name before, Lance was complaining about him during one of her fathers parties last year. Something about him “having no chill” and being “a suck up and teachers pet,” she tells herself that she won’t let these outside opinions impact her thoughts on any of the students. That would impact her observations.

In truth she didn’t come to the academy because she wanted to see a bunch of children fight for a plastic trophy, she came here because she wanted to see other children her age. How did they act, what do they talk about, what is it like to live a life outside of the birdcage called the royal palace? This isn’t to say she hated her home, that’s far from the truth. She loved the governing simulations her father assigned her to prepare her for her job as Queen and watching the ministers arguer over things like whether Snottingham should have its own medical field was amusing to her.

But to say she talked to other children would just be a lie, at most she saw Lance once a month at her fathers’ parties, but she wasn’t quite fond of him. In fact, he could be a bit annoying at times, always complaining about his parents but never wanting to take on the reasonability of being a Richmond. He never talked about his future knightly duties, nor did he talk about how he planned to manage his family’s wealth when he eventually inherited it. She hoped that not all children were like this.

“There’s still some time before the tournament, let me give you a tour of the school,” Said Brickland as Macy gave a small nod. As the three two of them walked throughout the halls of the academy, Macy can feel the eyes of the few students in the hall looking at her, some only spare a glance while others stop in their tracts. Some of the latter are staring so intently that she certain they know who she is. However, the feeling of people watching her is one she hasn’t quite grown used to. Her fathers’ parties were mainly private with nobles that knew her and when they were public, she would rarely be out with her family. Her father said that this was to protect her from the judgmental eyes of news reporters hoping to get any ounce of information out of the young royal, and that once she was thirteen, she could choose to join them if she wanted. She’s just now starting to resent her father for not getting her used to feeling of what feels like a hundred pairs of eyes staring into your soul. But she knows she’s being irrational, most of the students think she’s just a transfer student getting a tour and those that do know won’t do anything. At most they might tell the whole school but hopefully word will take a while to travel to class 151, but she can’t shake the slight sinking feeling in her stomach. She tries her best to not let her nervousness show. Fancypants doesn’t comment nor does Brickland so she thinks it’s working.

As Brickland is explaining the history of a statue she sees a boy, clearly in distress, being dragged into a different room by two older students. Curiosity gets the better of her, and she leaves Fancypants and Brickland to go into this room. “I- I don’t want any trouble issue guys, I already gave you two my allowance for this week!” said the younger boy, “Yeah well someone lost that money in a bet so need more, plus its your fault. Berry here decided to bet all that money on your buddy Mooringtons tournament winning last week but because you messed it up, we lost our money!” said one of the older boys. Huh so this boy was on Moorington’s tourmate team, and is betting even allowed at this school? Well, shes deescalated conflicts in her governing simulations and between Lance and some of the squirebots so hopefully this shouldn’t be that different. “Hey what are you two doing?” She yelled, hoping to intimidate the two older boys “Who the hell are you? And what the heck are doing here, this is a private conversation!” said, who she assumes is, Berry. So, she failed at intimidation, “What I’m doing is stopping this ‘conversation’ from escalating any future, you two are clearly harassing that boy!” The said boy in question had an expression of…. shock? Why was he looking at her like that, she’s helping him! “Buzz of girl, this doesn’t concern you” Replied the unnamed boy, so they are going to be rude about this? Time to play the royalty card “It does concern me; do you know who I am? I’m the Princess of this country, any conflict between its citizens is my concern and I certainly won’t sit back and let you harass this poor boy!” She yelled it all the confidence a twelve-year-old could muster. As soon as she said that the two boys burst out in laughter “Princess?! Do you seriously believe us to believe that bullshit?! If the Princess was here the school would be preparing for weeks to show off every part of the school!” Said one of the boys, she honestly didn’t care which one it was. While it’s true that there would usually a grand celebration if a member of the royal family were to arrive at the Knights Academy, she had Fancypants specifically tell Swordmore Brickland to not tell anyone, she also had that message sent twenty minutes before they she got on the Holorail. She was honestly tired of these boys, who they think they are harassing an underclassman and then having the nerve to say it’s none of business when she intervened.

Almost on que Fancypants showed up behind her “Princess Macy, it is very rude to leave a tour befo- what is going on here?” She turned to face the two boys seeing their faces that were once filled amusement now being taken by what seemed to fear. She knew why, Fancypants had a distinct voice and build to distinguish him from other squirebots, there’s no denying that was the royal family’s squirebot. Brickland who followed behind Fancypants almost yelled out “Berry and Alex! How many times do I have to tell you to leave Jestro alone?! The both of you to detention now!!” Jestro, so that’s this boy’s name thought Macy. Alex and Berry left with annoyed faces, not even needing to ask where ‘detention’ is.

“I apologize that you had to see that Princess, unfortunately some of our worse students don’t seem to comprehend that bullying is strictly forbidden at The Knights Academy. I assure you that I will have a conversation with those boys’ parents.” Brickland assured, however Macy wasn’t really listening. She slowly walked up to the boy, Jestro she now knows, and asked “Are you okay?” Since the moment she first intervened that look on his face hadn’t changed, was he scared of her? “I-I- I’m fine, t-thank you. No one beside Clay really does that…” So those boys weren’t lying, this boy is really ‘buddies’ with Moorington. “It’s nothing, those two were being very rude. No one at an academy like this should act that way, it’s very shameful!” “Heh you kinda sound like Clay” This is the third time she has heard that name, it seems she can’t escape that name. Brickland interrupted their conversation with a fake cough “Anyways Jestro why aren’t you in class?” he asked. “O-oh um no one fixed my schedule remember, I don’t really have a class for second period. I had a meeting with you about this last week…” Brickland just looked at the boy with a face that Macy would call disapproving, but that can’t be right, this doesn't seem like Jestros fault so why does Sir Brickland face look almost annoyed? “That’s right, well we can talk about this later right now I need finish giving the Princess the tour, you are dismissed Jestro.” Brickland and Fancypants were about to leave before Macy spoke up

“Sir Brickland if it is not a problem with you, Jestro could join the tour. He doesn’t seem to have a class right now and it could be a good learning experience to learn more about the academy’s history, ah that’s if he wants to!” As Macy turned back to Jestro, she saw that face of shock again only this time it’s understandable to her, getting invited to join a member of the royal family is a great honor regardless of what the activity is, and she barely knew this boy. Yet she couldn’t leave this boy to wait in this empty classroom until his next class so why not have him join her? Brickland turned his face to Jestro “Well, Jestro, do you want to join us?” Jestro seemed to be too shocked to speak for a second but eventually responded, “Ah- Yes of course! Uh its- uh an honor to go on this tour with you princess” he gave a quick bow, and it was clear he was nervous. “Please call me Macy. We are friends now, right?” She doesn’t know why she said that it was just something that happened in the moment. While it’s true she came to the academy to observe other children her age she didn’t expect to be asking someone if they are friends with her. Maybe part of her wanted to make a friend. “O-oh okay um thank you again Macy” Jestro said, it seemed a bit of his nervousness had faded. Macy could feel herself smiling to that response before Brickland spoke “Well time to head back to our tour, this statue as I was saying….”

As Macy and Jestro listened and followed Brickland for the rest of the tour, Macy couldn’t stop the smile forming on her face. She had made her first friend, while she didn’t know much about friendship, she made a vow to always be there for Jestro and maybe they would make a bond that would last a lifetime.

As Macy was being overrun with monster on every side, she caught a glimpse of Jestro. He had a cruel smile on his face, laughing along with that damn cloud. She felt noting but hatred for him now.

[alligatorjesie]

Hey OP are you blamings reylos for the reason Ben Solo didn't get a good redemption in EP9?

Something we had no control over? Do you think we run Disney?

I fuckin' wish.

God fucking knows if a reylo did do EP9 it would have been Good.

I would give away every egg left in my body to have EP9 retold by a goddamn reylo if it meant Ben Solo got a better redemption and since I actually read reylo fanfictions I know we can pull it off.

Because we have.

Hurricane Wars is a fucking reylo novel.

The first line in the book is quite literally 'I did this for the rats'

You know, that loving nickname you feckless antis gave to reylos.

I’m pretty fucking sure there is not a goddamn interview Anywhere of Thea mentioning how this is a reskinned reylo story exploring the deep inner workings of internalized racism because that's never what it fucking was.

Did OP... watch interviews of Thea talking about her experiences with racism and now they've mashing the concept of this story together with that interview because I can’t for the fucking love of god remember an instance where Thea rolled up to an interview and said This Story:

is anything but a modified reylo fanfiction. She mentioned how she added some Southeast Asian influences into the book that were not in the original fic but the original was based in the world of Star Wars so that makes since.

I remember that interview.

Editing a fanfic to be publish friendly takes A Lot of effort and isn't as simple as using the 'find and replace' feature in Microsoft Word like I think OP is assuming it is. There's plenty of opportunity to put in whatever new worldbuilding makes since for the story.

I’ve been following this publishing since I read Landscapes With a Blur of Conquerors, back when she was actively still writing it as reylo fanfiction.

Small segway in somewhat related conversation:

The Sword of the Jedi series is still my favorite fucking Star Wars fanfic by her I can't recommend this one enough.

a story still available on AO3 for free if anyone would like to check it out.

If you liked Hurricane Wars and love Star Wars you'll love this one.

It's a really fun 'What If' on the sequel trilogy where the change is 'What if Luke and young Ben found Rey as a child on Jakku and she got to grow up at Luke's Jedi academy?'

A far better storytelling of those characters than we got out of the actual media. I fuckin' blew through it in a week the first time I read it.

Go read it if you get the chance.

Anyways, returning to @shallanspren being a prick who talks out their ass and don't know diddly fuck about this fandom.

Who has just been posting hate to this fandom's tag since 2020.

They’re not a reylo.

In fact they sound so disgusted to read reylo fics that they made this shitass post but they’re going to sit there and tell me and everyone else here straight to our faces that they sat through reading the original fics, the entire books, along with reading/watching full interviews with the authors?

OP is full of shit.

They’re lying and they’re so full of fucking shit I can smell them from here.

They’ve never read the fanfics and they’ll never read these books so how the fuck would they know what the fuck is even in it? How would they know how they differ?

Now, I HAVE read both and I can tell everyone right now from simply having read the original fic; it’s very 'Alternate Universe/AU'. I mean, yeah, it uses some of the basic concepts of the ‘Star Wars universe’ but mostly it’s just new story using well established characters and themes.

So right from the start this fic was kinda it's own thing in it's own world with it's own rules and that's when it WAS directly a reylo fanfic.

Love Hypothesis/Head Over Feet was So Fucking AU besides borrowing the characters' basic personalities and names it was a whole ass original story.

There was nothing Star Wars Universe in that one At All.

Full Stop.

Adapting these fics into books makes both of them very original works because the source material was already very Alternate Universe as we like to say in the fanfic world. Ali never admitted on record she didn’t craft her own stories and I know she never fucking has because I've read So Many of her fics on AO3 back during that blissful period between The Last Jedi and EP9 that she could publish 30 more reskinned reylo fics and still have more to go. She was And Still Is a Very Proficient Writer and a Goddamn Treat of a smut writer.

They're fucking Great!

Way fucking better than regular porn. I can only watch a unempathetic guy rail a uninterested chick moaning the most fake 'Oh! God! Yes!' for the entire length of the video before that shit gets old.

With Ali's fics you can feel the horny but most importantly, The Love, and as a furry smut artist I'm Here For That Shit.

This woman is a Goddamned blessing to this fandom and now to published books too. She writes Such Good Smut she could make a sailor blush. I hope her many more years of happy writing with hundreds more publishing deals. I hope she becomes the next harlequin romance writer so she can continue to pay reylo artists to draw covers for her books God Bless they all fuckin' deserves it after the 8 years of constant bombardment with harassment and death threats from stupid fucks like @shallenspren have thrown at us over the years.

Telling a POC her experiences of racism ain't valid just because just so happens to be a reylo and had the audacity to talk about racism during an interview once and now OP has somehow conflated those two very un related things is kinda shit.

That's a shit thing to say. It's a shit opinion to have.

@shallanspren hates reylo and they'll say any fucked up shit to make these artists look bad because they’re mad and jealous about fanfiction writers making money off their Hard Earned Skills and that's kinda fucked up of them.

What @shallanspren said are lies.

They just made up lies because they're mad someone from the fandom they've been shitting on since 2020 told them the shit opinion they posted into the main fandom's tag is wrong and if they don't like the ship they're welcome to fucking leave that fandom's space.

They got so fucking butthurt about me telling them to fix their tags and leave this fandom alone they

Made Up Two Lies About People They Don't Even Fucking Know

OP ain't got a quarter of the skill to create loved things like either of these artists have because OP has spent too fucking long being bitter and hateful to a group of people for just being super passionate about something.

Too fuckin' blinded by hate to see why these stories are flying off the shelves. Reylos got fucking shafted by Star Wars because stupid anti fucks like OP here have made it their life's mission to spread lies and hate about this fandom by being the loudest minorities I've ever fucking seen. I know of one anti reylo on this website alone who has At Least 4 accounts dedicated to being a anti to this fucking ship.

And I know they're all the same person.

That's a lot of dedication to hate.

OP is so goddamn ignorant they're getting hung up on the fact these fics started out as reylo fics not realizing They Were Always Original Works.

Gorge Fucking Lucas didn't write these fics.

JJ or Rian did not write these fics.

These are original works, regardless of the characters they borrowed to make them. These fics would not exist if the writers didn't sit the fuck down and write them.

Saying these books ain't valid all because they started out as fanfics is fucking stupid. EP9 was written by 'professionals' and had a scene with three characters who know full fucking well Stormtroopers can fly say 'They fly now' so I know for a fact fanfic writers put more consideration into storytelling than JJ fucking Abrams or Chris chuckfuck Terrio ever did.

To simply Sit Down and Write takes Skill and Effort, something both of theses writers have in goddamn spades and OP has NONE of because all they post is broken English run-on paragraphs of shitass hateful opinions no one in the tags fucking asked for.

Live long and die fucking mad about it and stop telling lies about strangers because you're jealous they're more skilled than you OP.

Fuck's Sake.

[tashizweig]

I posted 493 times in 2022

238 posts created (48%)

255 posts reblogged (52%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hypokeimena

@villainanders

@czarrish

@jacksonmaine

@serenity-the-firefly

I tagged 418 of my posts in 2022

Only 15% of my posts had no tags

#tv: titans - 35 posts

#tv: yellowjackets - 25 posts

#gaming: dragon age - 17 posts

#gaming: dragon age 2 - 14 posts

#tv: 911 - 13 posts

#tv: stranger things - 11 posts

#dick grayson tag - 9 posts

#series: the raven cycle - 8 posts

#tv: umbrella academy - 6 posts

#laugh rule - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and my therapist was like eyesemoji maybe it's because this is the longest stretch you've had in six years where nothing terrible has happe

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i'm downloading da2 onto my nice gaming laptop because @clashofkings reminded me that the DA2 tvtropes page exists and i've been reading it all day dreamy-sighing like "god this lore is so fucked up god BLESS"

16 notes - Posted February 10, 2022

#4

so my thing about dc titans jason todd is that if you know where his story is going (and i'd imagine that most people who are watching titans are at least.....vaguely familiar with where jason todd's story is going), you can literally see every single decision and failure on behalf of the people in his lives that leads him down that path.

from jason's perspective--dick lets go of his hand and lets him fall, donna and hank viciously blame him for their own resurfacing guilt, rose earns his trust and then horribly betrays it, his therapist turns on him, bruce doesn't think he's strong enough to be robin anymore

but the final straw for him being that he can't protect molly, and that he thinks bruce sees him as too weak to protect anyone? that fucks me up.

16 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

#3

i literally shrieked out loud in SHOCK when eddie looked at bobby and went, "you got a hundred plus bodies on you and I'M unfit for duty?"

19 notes - Posted March 22, 2022

#2

LETS GOOOOOOOO

41 notes - Posted March 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

reasons you should play scarlet hollow

SCARLET HOLLOW is a horror narrative game set in the dying north carolina coal mining town of Scarlet Hollow, where you play the cousin of tabitha scarlet (head of the mines), coming back to town after a family rift for your aunt's funeral. things are wrong in town, and as tensions simmer over working conditions in the mine, the dark secrets of the town start to boil over in the form of supernatural events. work with cryptid hunter stella, general store owner kaneeka and her witchy mother sybil, newcomer avery, hot dad librarian oscar, mysterious artist reese, and of course, your cousin tabitha to uncover the secrets of scarlet hollow--before they drag you and your friends into the depths.

WHY YOU SHOULD PLAY:

there are seven character traits to choose from (mystic, talks to animals, hot, street smart, powerful build, keen eye, and booksmart). you pick two, and they influence how you can react to situations and how people can react to you. i've done three playthroughs with different traits so far, and they have all been radically different. the second playthrough i did, i was blown away by how many things were fixable, or could be made so very much worse, or hadn't existed at all in my first playthrough.

going off of that: the choices that you make in this game actually matter. and not in a "you can have different buddies going into the final battle!" sort of way. in a life or death sort of way, in a brutal consequences for our heroes sort of way. there is at least one MAJOR decision in each chapter, which can end in multiple different ways depending on your choices, and they stick with you.

the characters have rich back stories, and you can tell that the writers planned this whole story out from start to finish before releasing chapter one. i just started a playthrough after finishing chapter four, and the events of that chapter are foreshadowed all over the place in ch1, which was released a year ago.

it's GENUINELY scary without relying on cheap jumpscares or gore tactics. so much of the horror in this game comes from the dread it invokes, and the implications for our heroes. in chapter four, i was literally hiding behind my hands for a large section of the game.

i need PEOPLE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS GAME because i am LOSING MY MIND over how good and game-altering chapter four was, and i am gonna die. thank you please do the damn thing

246 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[strqyr]

cinder believes in destiny, i.e. her choices don't really matter because they all lead to the same destination anyway. and i've always read this as something cinder learned from salem, that this concept of destiny is not what salem really believes in but uses as a way to manipulate and control cinder to keep her in line.

what i've come to realize, however, is that that's not necessarily actually the case, and salem herself believes in destiny, too; in this case, specifically a destiny that involves cinder.

"queen has pawns", but cinder is not one of them. this is first brought up by qrow—"your little infiltrator isn't just another pawn."—but more importantly by salem: "just because you're more valuable to me than a pawn, does not make you a player."

so, cinder is more valuable than a pawn, and she's also the key to their (salem's) victory; another sign that cinder is more important to salem's plans than anyone else. there are also no signs that salem considers cinder replaceable; if she was, then salem most definitely would be wise to keep someone as a back-up maiden, even to share the load instead of only having one person holding all four powers. yet, she doesn't, doesn't even use the possibility as a threat to keep cinder compliant.

instead, when cinder was close to slipping from her grasp, salem changed tactics; she took the blame for holding cinder back and made changes to her current plan so that cinder is no longer just waiting on the sidelines. compared to how little in turn salem seemed to care about watts' imprisonment and hazel's betrayal, her actions towards cinder are pretty telling.

and that's what makes me think that salem believes cinder and only cinder is The One she needs to win, which is why she goes through extra trouble to keep her in line.

the question is, why?

simplest answer: it has something to do with the relic of choice. the problem is how salem came to have that knowledge in the first place. she's had knowledge of the relics for thousands of years, the relics have been hidden within the academies for some 80 years, but salem is only acting out a plan now, which perhaps gives more credence to her waiting for something—or in this case, someone—to put those plans in action for certain victory.

it wouldn't be completely out of question for salem to have gained access to the relic of choice at some point—if we take the indecisive king as proof, it's possible the relic has been doing rounds away from ozma—but it's also possible that salem learned this information, this "destiny", from someone second-hand.

i find this particular possibility to be even more interesting, since it opens up a door for that someone to lie about it, leading to the destiny that salem (and now cinder, too) is following to be a sham.

and i have an idea how that might have happened, but this post is already too long, so i'll leave that to another day.

either way, tl;dr: it's not just cinder who believes in destiny, it's salem as well, and this may or may not be working out for them. i'm betting on "not".