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raisindeatre · 3 years

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Hi 💙 I was wondering if you might share your thoughts on Zoya as a character in general? I've read the Grisha trilogy and Six of Crows duology, and I'd like to read King of Scars/Rule of Wolves to complete the series, but while I found Zoya to be quite interesting she's never been a favourite of mine or a character I found myself connecting to, so I've been worried I might not enjoy the next two books as much because of that, so I wondered if some insight from someone who seems to like her and her relationship with Nikolai might help me understand her character a little more, or do you think reading those next two books is what really connects you to her character? Thank you! 💙

Thank you so much for this question, anon! I think it's completely understandable that you don't connect much to Zoya in the original trilogy because in those books Bardugo doesn't really give us much to connect with, imo. I've said before that her prose has improved by staggering leaps and bounds since TGT, but her characterization has too - she sketches the characters in the SoC duology, especially, in ways that are so much richer and compelling than in the first trilogy. Combined with the fact that TGT is told through Alina's perspective, and we get a Zoya who's not just thinly sketched but is also pretty unlikeable for a good part of the series (I suspect that Bardugo meant to do an inversion of the Bitchy Girl™ trope, but it didn't quite land for me). I truly believe that a lot of my fondness for Zoya stems from the fact that I read a lot of fantastic fic back when the original trilogy had just wrapped up, and I think reading so much of other people's thoughts and analysis on Zoya made her a deeper and more interesting character to me, because the Zoya in canon is not all that compelling imo. So, like, I get it.

All that said though!! I was always fond of Zoya, even in canon, and I think I was pretty predisposed to love her even before KoS/RoW primarily because the idea of Zoya has always been such a fascinating one to me. (I just needed that idea to be filled out a little more, and the duology definitely did that for me, so I really do think I love her more for that). The original trilogy tends to centre the notion that Alina and the Darkling are each other's counterparts, each other's parallels, and that's where a lot of fan analysis stops as well. Light and Dark! Sun and Shadow! It's not subtle.

But the thing is - Zoya is the real mirror to the Darkling. They share so many similarities - they're both powerful, ambitious, proud, with the potential to be absolutely ruthless. They share the same common goal - the protection of all Grisha. Alina wants to be powerful, but she doesn't really have the appetite to really rule, to sit on a throne and govern. Zoya and the Darkling do. Alina doesn't want anyone to get hurt, but I think it's fair to say she doesn't feel the same intense self-preservation and loyalty to the Grisha that Zoya and the Darkling do. Much of their experiences are the same: while Alina came into her power at a pretty advanced age, Zoya and the Darkling know what it's like to be powerful even as children, and to be feared and hated for it. And much of what I think are Zoya's best qualities (her fierce protectiveness of her people, her courage, her determination, her sense of self-preservation) are all qualities the Darkling shares. It's why when people fall over themselves for the Darkling, but profess to hating Zoya in the same breath, it does tend to make me raise an eyebrow.

And I just think theirs is such a fascinating dynamic, much more so than Alina and the Darkling. Because the moment the Darkling loses sight of his original goal and goes too far - when the man who professes to want to safeguard the Grisha murders dozens of them - that's when Zoya turns against him and goes to stand with Alina. Alina is understandably horrified by the massacre, but I've always thought that the depth of Zoya's rage and grief and betrayal must have been much more intense. Unlike Alina, these Grisha were her family. Unlike Alina, she has admired the Darkling her whole life. Alina has moments of fearing that she will turn out to be like the Darkling, but I never really understood that - I think that Zoya's fear of the same, given the history and similarities she shares with the Darkling, is much more realistically grounded.

And I think at the end of the trilogy, when the dust has settled and Alina has settled into obscurity, when Zoya and Nikolai are faced with the almost unthinkable notion of rebuilding Ravka, it's very present on Zoya's mind that the ruthlessness required to defend Ravka and protect the Grisha might be what led the Darkling down that road in the first place. She needs to reckon with what is required of her and how far she can go, without becoming him. Gaze long into the abyss, but take care it does not gaze back. So in that sense, the idea of Zoya has always been something I've loved.

I also really loved the idea of her as a general, as someone so intrinsically involved in the rebuilding of Ravka. I was an IR major in uni - I adore anything to do with political machinations, the intricacies and brutality of peace treaties and trade negotiations, the ever-shifting dynamics between countries. I was super excited to see so much of that in KoS/RoW, and I think it's immensely rewarding to see Zoya grappling with so many of the issues that the original trilogy (with its very YA-ish focus on A Great Battle for the Fate of the World) doesn't consider: will there ever be a future where Grisha aren't forced to be soldiers? What would that even look like? How would we get there? What will I have to do to secure it? How far will I go?

Finally, all ideas of Zoya aside and looking at her actual characterization: my wife is a bitch and I like her so much! Your mileage may vary, but I really do find the fact that Zoya is written to be so unlikeable extremely refreshing. Bardugo doesn't really have any off-putting characters, especially female - Alina is pretty likeable, Nina is bold and endearing, Genya is clever and a character to root for, Inej quietly stakes her place in people's affections - and I think it's so great to have a woman who's so prickly and unfriendly and easily annoyed. In KoS/RoW we do learn more about Zoya and her backstory, and I guess it does go some way to explaining why she is the way she is, but I am also a fan of just letting female characters being bitchy sometimes!!! Her abrasiveness doesn't mean that she doesn't have so much love and courage and selflessness in her - almost more than she can bear, and watching her journey to realizing that love is not something to run from but to embrace is so good - and I just. I just think she's neat!

I won't go too much into her relationship with Nikolai because this is already horrendously long, and I will probably talk about them in another post, because they drive me crazy, but I just think they spark off each other in ways they don't with other people. Nikolai needs someone who loves Ravka as much as he does, someone who is really willing to march into war or sit in meeting rooms for hours and just give everything, everything she has to this greedy, broken country which will give her nothing back. Alina is not that person. Very few people are that person. But Zoya is. It's probably also that by the time KoS/RoW rolls around, they have been working together for a few years, while the original trilogy is much shorter in time, but Zoya and Nikolai in this duology really give off a sense of familiarity and trust in each other that is just SO!!! She always calls him out on his shit. They butt heads. They push each other to be better.

I will close by saying: in RoW there's a part where Nikolai thinks of Zoya, "There she was. Bitter and bracing as strong drink", and I just love this observation an outsize amount. I love that Zoya is not for everyone, that she has a real kick to her. I love the implication that she braces Nikolai; that she keeps him awake and on his toes. It's all very Ingmar Bergman's "We make each other alive. Does it matter if it hurts?" I think they are just more alive around each other than around anyone else, that they are better together than apart. They keep each other going.

#god this is long!!! but i hope this helped anon #imo there are a lot of other reasons why KoS/RoW might disappoint you as they disappointed me #just extremely weird pacing! KoS was a saggy morass whereas RoW had way too much going on #i think i've outgrown fanservice so bringing back characters for the sake of bringing them back is something i hate!!!#there were some really weird plots that went nowhere!!!#but i'm still glad i read them. i hope you are too; should you decide to do so #zoya nazyalensky #the grisha trilogy #king of scars #rule of wolves #long post #asks #anonymous

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not-poignant · 3 years

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Hi Pia! Love your work and most of your writing advice 🧡

So, I'm a writer myself and I was very curious about how you manage working on so many projects at the same time, do you alternate in between writing and editing? How long do you let your edits sit before letting a beta see?

I know all os these processes vary depending on each person's needs, but as someone who always gets blocked after finishing editing the thing they've been working on, I'd love to read about your process! I hope you have a lovely day 🥰

Hi anon!

*thinks*

For me, writing multiple projects actually helps with writer's block. For other people, it slows them down or hinders them. One of my good friends and beta for my published work (i.e. not the serials but the novels) can only work on one project at a time. She cannot work on multiple projects, but she's a professional, published, award-winning author, and if she tried to do it my way, she'd ruin her method.

Meanwhile for me, I've always had a saying: 'Writer's block on one project isn't necessarily writer's block on every project.' I enjoy working on projects that all feel a little different! They all have different moods, requirements, and require different levels of technical skill.

I usually have 'editing days' and don't like to always write and edit on the same day, but I will do it for Falling Falling Stars, it's not uncommon for me to finish a chapter, edit the chapter on the same day, and send it to my beta on the same day, lmao. FFS has a very fast turnaround.

But for The Ice Plague, that usually has more editing passes (typically 2-4), before it goes to Silvia. And she's behind on betaing for TIP because the pandemic and personal stuff was really hard on her, and TIP is one of those things she could put off, because she's still ahead of everyone else (in the sense of like, I have a buffer of 12 chapters currently, so if she's 6 chapters behind what I'm up to, she's still 6 chapters ahead of everyone else).

The Nascent Diplomat also has a relatively fast turnaround.

I have tried to train myself to let editing and writing brain not be too connected to each other. But I can't always pick up a new chapter immediately after editing another. That's why after editing, I'm normally putting a chapter up instead. Or I'll consolidate time and edit 2-3 chapters on the same day, because I know that won't be a 'writing day.' I never plan to write anything else after editing. And if I start my day editing, I won't finish the day writing.

So I can relate to sometimes feeling blocked after editing! That doesn't have to be an abnormal part of the process. Editing is tiring, and it's meticulous and particular. So sometimes after editing, that part of you that likes to do idea generation and sit in different worlds etc just needs a rest. I play video games, chat with friends, or just focus on anything else after editing. I don't ever force myself to write after editing.

That being said, if I edit all day Monday, I can write again on Tuesday morning. It's a new day, I ignore the chapter I edited (I don't read through it again), and I start with something new. A good trick if you have writer's block, is to always end your current project or chapter on a sentence or paragraph you already know how to complete. So that way when you start in a few hours, or the next day, or a week later, you will look and have already given yourself a head start.

Many writers stop writing when they sort of...fatigue on the chapter or run out of ideas or get stuck or don't know what to do next. I strongly strongly suggest just trying the practice of stopping writing when you do know exactly what to write next. That's not going to solve the issue every time (some chapters are just more difficult than others), but the act of finishing a sentence or paragraph at the beginning of a writing session is way more motivational then sitting there staring at the problem that past you left for your present self, lol.

But yeah, my writing-editing-publishing turnaround is fast. Even The Gentle Wolf only got about two or three weeks before serious edits commenced. And even then, every chapter went immediately off to my beta (in serial format almost), and I batch-sent chapters to my other two betas (i.e. 4-5 chapters at a time). I made all of their suggested changes, and then got stuck into serious edits once the manuscript was finished.

It is good practice to let manuscripts sit, but I don't have that luxury with serials in quite the same way, with the exception of The Ice Plague.

That being said, because I reread my own works for pleasure, I'm constantly editing and tweaking bits and pieces over the years! Even SAL got 10,000 words removed from when it was first published to now. So people who read it now are reading a tighter story than the version that went up week to week. :)

I hope in the mess of all that rambling there's something that might help you anon!

#asks and answers #pia on writing #pia on fanfiction #writer's block #but yeah it's good to figure out if you're a multi or single project writer #and figure out comfortable editing times #also it might not be the same for every project!#there's a saying that #'if you write a novel you learned how to write that novel'#in other words you didn't learn how to necessarily write every other novel in the future #every project needs something a bit or a lot different

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p---leia · 4 years

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Ancient Writer of dreams and nightmares: I am 71 (-one month), and have been writing (making up tales) since I was three. I can still remember my Pawpaw whittling a pencil for me, and Mawmaw tearing a piece of brown grocery bag for me to write on. They weren't 'poor', but writing paper wasn't to be wasted on a 'kid' just for fun. I carefully scripted my first short story.

Of course my 'letters' looked more like ancient Hanguel, so I had to read it to my "captured" audience. I really don't remember the story, but as my grandparents had a yard full of chickens and my dog, Mutt, liked to chase them (because of this we 'both' got into trouble -- because I always joined the chase) I most probably wrote about that.

My Pawpaw was a story-teller. For several years I thought there really was a baby found in the wilds of the African jungle and raised by the great apes. I thought he was the luckiest babe, EVER!

Then I found Pawpaw's books about three years after he died. I was eleven when he died, and felt that my best friend had abandoned me. But when I found those books I realized just where Tarzan actually came from and went to. I read everyone of those books and got the complete picture. THEN..

Well, Pawpaw also told stories of Daniel Boone and Davey Crocket...before I saw them on Disney. Then, of course, I went to school and learned what I already knew. Pawpaw was an excellent story-teller and never mixed up his facts, time-lines, or characters.

Growing up under his influence had a lot to do with how I developed as a story-teller. At family gatherings when I meet cousins I haven't seen in decades, they STILL remember me and the stories that I used to tell them. My children and grandchildren have grown up with me re-telling Pawpaw's old stories, and sharing many that I made up on the spot.

But I think what I read in my early years developed my writing style.

I was just turned eight when I read my first Shakespeare, MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM. He was my first favorite author. Then I was forced to read Romeo and Juliet. I was disgusted by the fact that TRAGEDY was made famous as a ROMANCE! Even at the innocent (then) age of fourteen, I was disgusted with the idea that it was considered romantic for 'anyone', let alone 'teenagers' to commit suicide over unrequited love.

My sister (now 68) and I recently discussed this play. Because she had a 'forbidden' teenage love, she said that she related to the story (even though she had never read it). GASP! It was required reading in ninth grade!

I remember our dad breaking up my sister and her boyfriend, who was really cool. He was a hard working farm boy who had saved his money to buy a motorcycle. AND his own car. But he wasn't good enough for my sister. smh

I always thought her story would make a great LifeTime movie. But I'm not touching it. She would 'skin me' for sharing with the world her broken heart. And if I added the stuff that sells today, she'd scalp me for lying. Not a win situation at all. So, I will write notes in my "Random Jottings Journal" for future decendants who might grow into writers or story-tellers.

By the way, the title "RANDOM JOTTINGS" came from a sci-fi book that I read as a kid in the fifties. I don't remember the author, although I'm pretty sure it 'might' be from a Heinlein juvenile book. But I've never found a reference to any sci-fi books using that term. SO!!! If anyone recognizes "RANDOM JOTTINGS", which was a note book that a professor/scientist/genius used to keep his 'thoughts', PLEASE share the author's name and the title of the book!!! Thank You.

In the meantime, I referenced Shakespeare. James Oliver Curwood wrote about Kazan, the Wolf Dog, and later Baree, Son of Kazan. From those two books, read when I was eleven, I searched for and found other books about Canada. Later there was Walter Farley, author of the Black Stallion, and the Island Stallion series. I think I met my FIRST friendly alien in the Island Stallion Races.

Of course, Edgar Rice Burroughs taught me much false history about the jungles of Africa, as well as the Moon and Mars. But I loved every 'read-under-the-covers-with a-flashlight' minute! I believe he was a contemporary of Zane Grey, because he wrote a few non-jungle and non-space stories, too. Which led me to Zane Grey.

Having read both of their biographies at a young age, I learned about the hardships of being a writer. I should say 'the hardships of a struggling writer'. I have never had a problem writing. Since I write for 'fun' and not 'profit', the few short stories I've had published were by local press, and a State magazine.

No, my struggles have centered around graduating high school, and completing college, stuggling to satisfy my husband, a 'Mr. Spock in the Flesh' personality, and later raising two children without benefit of parental support or child support. But we survived in the middle of laughter and many tears. And my made up stories about children lost in the woods who were rescued by a great friendly bear, or wolf. Or dog. And sometimes by a great Black Panther - a by product of one of my Pawpaw's 'local historical tales'.

I understand that publishers detest stories that begin with "It was a dark and stormy night.." But let me tell you, some of the BEST bedtime stories occur on stormy nights when the power has gone out, and it's too hot for candles or lanterns. That shadow that stands darkest in the corner and seems to be moving towards the bed is actually grandma come to check on the kids, and stands quiet so not to disturb the kids if they're already asleep. But since they are awake, and they see her 'shadow', she becomes the old crone who lives in the castle dungeon, and has slipped her chains to visit with the 'wee folk'. But there are no fairies out on such a blustery night, so the old crone comes to visit with the 'wee bairn', who fall all over themselves to get out of bed and sit around her to hear her stories of 'long ago' and other 'dark and stormy nights'. Again -- unpublished, because publishers don't like ... LOL

Of course there's always On-Line publishing. But that involves more work than actual writing.

Back to the writrs who influenced my writing:

While I enjoy a good Western, an adventurous space trek, or time travel, I also enjoy the occasional Historical Romance. Georgette Heyer was my first! I still re-read her amazing books. Of course there's Jane Austen.

There are a myriad of modern writers that I have read over the last five decades. Heinlen, Asimov, Norton, Bradley, McCaffrey, Moon, Stirling, Krentz/Castle/Quick, and Moening, just to name a few of the ones whose books I have in my personal library.

Those older authors did affect my writing style to develope as I read their stories. The later authors helped me to move into the late 20th century. But I'm not so sure that I like the 21st century so much. It's all about being politically 'correct'. If you aren't ashamed of your gender, your race, your country, your religion, your culture, your family, your history, then you are prejudiced. That's just too much guilt to have to live with.

I'm still dealing with my mom's death from ten years ago. I was her care-giver for five years. Her doctor had given her nine months. I still worry if I did enough for her in those last years.

And though my children are grown with their own families, I worry that I wasn't a good enough parent. And I worthy as a grandmother? How was I as an older sister? I was responsible as a moral guide when our parents were at work. Was I a good neighbor? A good support in our Church? And Hollywood wants me to feel guilt about something I can't change?!!

I'm an old woman who still likes being a woman and enjoys liking men. I'm not just white. I'm also mixed with a bit of Native American, and even a drop of -- OMG!!! --- Black. snicker.

That's a serious joke, because as a kid I had a recuring nightmare that I was a black man being judged by a group of people in white hoods I was hanged amidst their fiery torches. I always thought those white hoods represented the Catholic Church, because at that young age I didn't know about the Ku Klux Klan. Even though I grew up in the South, my family was not involved with that group of out-lawrey. Thank God!

Still, I'm supposed to feel shame? For something not even my family supported.

I've always believed there's a hint of Fae in my DNA. Because I love dancing in the light of the full moon, and flying with the owls who perch outside my bedroom window and call to invite me to follow the moon's shadow. If I am part Fae, I know it came from my mother's people. They were Irish mixed with Alabama Indians who believed in the Nunnehi aka Immortal, and the Yunwi Tsunsdi, aka Little People.

ALSO, while there's no DNA proof of ancestry, I've always been a 'closet Chinese'.

In the Fifties, when WW2 was still fresh, and we were involved with the 'Korean Conflict', and at odds with China, I would sneak around the radio, turn down the volume, and tune into 'that wierd channel' that sometimes played Opera, or Chinese music. Ahhh. I would close my eyes and wander through the few visuals I'd found in books, or the occasional movie. (before color tv)

A year or two ago I was totally depressed and disgusted with American TV. Hollywood has become so political, so wierd. Their programming is no longer for entertainment, but to 'educate, enlighten, or to inform'. zzzzz

Then I found KDrama!!!!! Korean TV. Japanese Tv. squeal!!! Chinese TV.

The rom/coms are sweet and 'pure'. Okay. I'm realistic. This is not a reflection of real life on any planet. But the innocence of the early 1950s programs is there. Similar to Disney's 'Summer Magic'. I'm happy with those dramas that remind me of thati nnocence. I have found a few dramas that shared more than I cared for, and I do enjoy an occasional 'romp'. But I've always preferred the Lady and Gentleman characters.

And watching these programs have reminded me of those fairy tales and legends from my childhood that had been sprinkled with the Occasional Oriental myth, legend, and children's tale.

Then I remembered my FIRST historical legend. "The White Stag" by Kate Seredy, is the tale of Atilla the Hun!

I recently found a copy of that book and am waiting for a quiet time, when the power is out and there's nothing to do. Then I will use one of the many flashlights I bought for a huge hurricane, and relax on the sofa beneath an open window and read this legend once again. I live in Florida. The odds of this happening increases as the summer progresses. I can't wait to learn if my memory of this tale of Atilla the Hun remained true, or has been distorted in the last half of a century.

Most of the tales that I write involve space adventures, the occasioanl ghost, and encounters with fairies, the evil ones, not the romantic ideal fairy. smh

I've never been very good with romance or comedy. But thanks to the recent influence of the Asian productions, I have re-formatted one of my dark adventures and turned it into a rom/com.

I love a good joke, but very seldom get the point or see the humor. And I can NEVER remember the punch line if I try to share a joke. My family have said they will write on my tombstone --

"I don't remember the punchline ... but it was funny."

But as I write humorous lines or events I find myself laughing. Or crying at sad events. And I am all 'giggly' when I write what is supposed to be innocent romance between a young and shy couple. But I have never felt that my own reactions were a true guide to how the story might come across to a 'reader'.

As it happens, I have two sisters younger than I am. My middle sister is bored easily and immediately redirects our conversation to something about 'her'. Okay. I understand. She is lonely, needy, and maybe a bit selfish? Not judging. She's the 'middle child' and that's her excuse. ROFL..

But the youngest sister is my greatest fan who declares that I am an awesome writer. "I love you, sister, dear."

So she visited me last week and patiently listened as I read the first chapter. She listened quietly, and I wondered if I had 'read her to sleep'. sigh. Boring books are often the best sleeping pill. Then I heard her laugh.

Squeals/Dancing/hooting/flying around the room in ecstasy!!

Okay! At least one person has laughed. And she's not that easily 'tickled'.

So, I will always carry on and write. But now I feel that at least I might be following a path strewn with "Black-Eyed-Susans, honeybees, butterflies, and bunnies".

I don't know if anyone will read this, or will enjoy it. I hope so. While sharing bits of my youth, my worries, and my concern about certain ones of my 'stories', I actually had ideas for developing 'new' stories.

I am always amazed when writers say they are 'blocked'. I have only to open my eyes to see a world around me that no one else can envision. I listen to a song, and I'm in a different world, time, planet. A gift from Pawpaw, and Mother's DNA.

It is my oldest granddaughter's birthday this month, and I don't know what to give her for her birthday. But when she was younger, she always asked me to tell her a story. I think that I will pull out one of my OLD/ANCIENT tales that I wrote when her dad was her age and make it into a book for her.

p---leia aka Mamma KayeLee

7/19/2020

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one-sky-imagines · 5 years

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358/2 days make the seasalt trio's bestfriendships pretty clear, but could I ask for some headcanons of how the other's would be as close friends to someone? like, a platonic x reader thing if that isn't too weird? (I didn't see a character limit so I hope it would be okay to ask for some short hc's for the Organization XIII members, or however many you'd be comfortable with. I'd be grateful for anything

i’d like to start off by saying that this is such a lovely request to come back to!! mod just finished kh3 after about 60 consecutive hours of playing and crying and there’s over 200 of us now following the blog!! to celebrate me finally having the time i need to start writing again, requests are open! and, nonnie, there’s no character limit at all!!

Xemnas

- Xemnas’s close friend would be in the know; he’d essentially treat you as the right-hand he likes to spend time with. He’d have a hard time not telling you the truth to any question you ask, top-secret or otherwise - you’ve even started catching him telling you off-hand things about his subordinates, which is always amusing to you both. However, in a mixture of pride and not wanting to scare someone he shares a true connection with away, it’d take a while for Xemnas to tell you about his past. He’d have to be sure that you wouldn’t react badly to any of it…

Xigbar

- Xigbar would be a huge show-off around his best friend; the quips, nicknames and trick-shots with his arrowguns would be laid on even thicker than usual - he likes to impress anyone worth his time. Although this might seem a little arrogant to the others you spend time with, you’d know that you’re the reason Xigbar’s pushing to be the best version of himself in his own, funny little ways. Besides the joking around, Xigbar would probably debate and share his knowledge with his best friend - there’s a lot to learn from him, and you’re not sure if that’s surprising or not.

Xaldin

- For Xaldin, having someone by his side for the first time in a while is a shock he’d try to cope with alone - be prepared for a lot of this semi-moping around and secretiveness. Sharing your burdens with him wouldn’t be a problem, but the second that somethings goes awry for him, he’ll protect you from it. It’s a long road to reverse how wary Xaldin is of everyone after the ordeals of his past, but having someone to lean on helps immensely. I think the two of you would find comfort in being lone wolves together; the smallest pack, but tightly knit.

Vexen

- You’d have more of a problem with what everyone else thought of you two than trying to become Vexen’s friend; anyone who shows genuine interest in his research is bound to get an earful of the latest experiment notes, but you’d have to overlook the sour opinion his fellow members seem to have of him. Vexen’s best friend would have to be completely alright with the strangest habits, and the two of you would likely fall into a routine of making sure he’s properly fed and rested before you can spend any actual time together… but, still, hanging out with one of the smartest men in the world has its perks.

Lexaeus

- Lexaeus would be the type of close friend to help you become strong - he’d enjoy finally having a partner to meditate and train with, and to see you listening to his advice as he tests your strength to see how far you’ve come would bring a smile to his otherwise stormy face. If the two of you became best friends, you might share some quiet inside jokes; maybe he’d always pretend to lose when you arm wrestled because it made you smile, especially if you were feeling blue. I wouldn’t expect any long conversations with Lexaeus, but he seems to enjoy listening to you.

Zexion

- Befriending Zexion would involve trying to drag him out of his study almost longer than the two of you actually hung out but, after a while, he’ll tell you that it’s your persistence that made him like you as much as he does. Despite how busy he is, Zexion would always make time for you, even if it’s something as simple as sitting on the windowsill together while you listen to him read or making sure that he hasn’t overdone it on a mission. You’d bring out the best in him - so much that you sometimes struggle to keep a straight face when he gets a little too enthusiastic about explaining something to you.

Saix

- Spending time with Saix would probably include a lot of paperwork and silence at first - he’s dedicated to his role in the Organization, but compiling reports and handing out missions requires a lot of prep… so perhaps he’d enjoy it if someone helped him to sort everything out. What starts as a work relationship would grow into a mutual admiration and, finally, you’d become relaxed around each other. Saix can become very frustrated when things don’t run smoothly, so it’s often up to you to cut everyone else some slack - you’d be like two sides of the same coin.

Demyx

- Demyx would want to do nothing other than practise music with his best friend, even if you don’t play an instrument. He’d call every time the two of you hung out a ‘jam session’, and after weeks of begging you to sing along to whichever tune he’d come up with today, it’d be a big moment in your friendship if you sung for him. Despite his own laziness, Demyx would encourage you to be confident - he’d love to experiment with your hair, make lyrics from your journal entries or sneak around in the castle’s off-limits rooms with you… it’s a relief to finally have someone who understands him in his life.

Luxord

- A friendship with Luxord would likely start with him taking pity on your poker face; although you swear to him you’re good at fooling people, he hands out gambling tricks to anyone who piques his interest. Of course, nearly all of your free time together at first would consist of mastering every game he throws at you, and it’s a breath of fresh air for Luxord to find someone to mentor. The two of you would infuriate the rest of the Organization, but you’ve never been able to one-up Luxord, and being his best friend means that you’ll have to accept that he’s always got the upper hand.

Marluxia

- Marluxia would love to teach his best friend about the beauty of flowers - you’d spend a lot of time walking through different worlds’ gardens, listening to the wealth of knowledge he’s held over the years about his element. Seeing Marluxia angry whenever a Heartless tramples through a patch of flowers is always just a little priceless, but you can appreciate the dedication he puts into the things he cares about, too. Naturally, you both have a problem with authority and you’re always up for gossip: feeding each other secrets is all in a day’s work with him.

Larxene

- Larxene would see her best friend as far above everyone else, and she may become a little jealous if she sees you mingling with anyone she’s not a fan of, but that’s nothing you can’t handle. Larxene’s high-and-mighty demeanour isn’t all bad, though - she’d never see you down on yourself for any reason because you’re worth much more than feeling bad to her. Surprisingly, it didn’t take you long to realise that Larxene’s sharp tongue comes from a place of vulnerability, but her apologies after snapping at you give you a lot of hope for the future.

#✉️#Xemnas #Xigbar #Xaldin #Vexen #Lexaeus #Zexion #Saix #Axel #Demyx #Luxord #Marluxia #Larxene #Roxas #Xion #anonymous #long post #kh

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marinsawakening · 5 years

Note

I love your blog and your autistic and aro headcanons! I just wanted to ask: I'm [probably] not an autistic person but sometimes yours and other autistic people's headcanons and writing about experiences inspire my own autistic character headcanons. I worry I should not be making these headcanons (in case I'm misinterpreting your experiences or being unintentionally Terrible) but if you have any advice on this I'd be grateful! No worries if not, as well. Keep being your fantastic self

This is a really sweet message thank you so much! As a general rule, there’s nothing wrong with allistics making autistic headcanons; in fact, I’d personally really like to see that be something that grows more mainstream, because it’d mean normalization of autistic headcanons/characters and show a general growing interest in actually learning about autism. So please, do go ahead and make your headcanons! There’s no problem with them!

That said, it’s also unfortunately true that some allistics (often a lot of them) who make autistic headcanons can fall into some common ableist (or not necessarily ableist but still kind of unfortunate) pitfalls, so in case you’re worried about that (although honestly the fact that you sent this ask in the first place probably means that you’re good anyway), here’s some tips and tricks to avoid common issues with allistic autistic headcanons (there’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one):

Please don’t use functioning labels for your autistic characters. Functioning labels are labels like ‘high-functioning’ and ‘low-functioning’, and they’re generally considered to be bad by the autistic community for a variety of reasons (more here (although most of the links are dead), here, here (under ‘We Are One Community’), here). However, I’ve noticed a lot of allistics (and ignorant autistics too) who add these onto their headcanons. Please don’t?

More of a personal thing, but please don’t separate your autistic headcanons into ‘Aspergers’ and ‘autism’. Aspergers is autism, and with the updated DSM, does not exist anymore and has been merged into the overarching diagnosis of ASD. Classifying specific characters as ‘aspies’ is alienating to autistics who aren’t aspies. If aspies themselves headcanon characters as aspies I don’t mind, but when allistics do it I get Suspicious.

This also goes for separating your autism diagnosis into ‘PDD-NOS’ and ‘classical autism’, but I pretty much never see that so it has lower priority.

Full disclosure though: I have very negative experiences with the Aspergers diagnosis in general and I hate it so much that I have ‘aspie’, ‘aspergers’, and ‘aspergers syndrome’ just straight up blacklisted. I’m not an unbiased source here.

While we’re on the topic of correct language usage, please use identity first language for your autistic headcanon, not person first language (identity first: autistic person; person first: person with autism). The majority of the autistic community prefers identity first language because we don’t feel like our autism can be separated from who we are (more here, here).

Also maybe refrain from using the phrases ‘ASD’, ‘on the spectrum’, ‘somewhere on the autism spectrum’, etc. and just use ‘autistic’ instead. There’s nothing inherently Problematic(TM) about those phrases, but it’s really weird to read an entire autistic headcanon that doesn’t use the word autistic, or seems to want to avoid using it.

Don’t use infantilizing language! Maybe think twice before calling your autistic headcanon a ‘precious baby’ or a ‘smol child’ or something, especially if they’re a grown adult. I mean, doing this once in the tags of a post when they’re being cute or something is fine, but do NOT do this on posts where you talk about them being autistic, and do NOT do this on a regular basis.

Do NOT compare them to inhuman things like animals, computers, or aliens. Just. Don’t. Ever.

Be careful headcanoning inhuman characters as autistic. It’s generally not inherently problematic, especially not in fantasy/sci-fi shows where the majority of the cast is inhuman, but it gets really tiring to only ever see the robot/alien headcanoned as autistic, and it promotes our dehumanization. Just examine your patterns and maybe try headcanoning a human character as autistic as well in those sci-fi/fantasy shows?

This goes more for robots/aliens than for things like elves. Robots/aliens tend to be autism-coded, which has lead to the negative stereotype that autistics are like robots, and the very literal alienation of autistic people. Elves, on the other and, are not historically autism-coded, and are generally considered super cool and graceful and such, so headcanoning them as autistic is pretty much always okay.

If possible, promote autistics who make content for your autistic headcanon! Read their fics! Reblog their headcanon posts! If you can’t find stuff that’s fine, and you can definitely make your own stuff as well, but if you can, promote autistics!

Related, listen to autistics! Not just when we tell you something is problematic, but if you’re making headcanons, it’s a good idea to have at least a base knowledge of our experiences and the issues we face, so that you don’t accidentally do something problematic. (Anon seems to have this down already, but since this is more of a general list, I’m putting it on anyway). ASAN and the Autism Women’s Network are both fantastic places to start learning about autism, Autism Speaks is the devil and to be avoided at all costs, and there’s plenty of autistic bloggers on this site, so maybe follow some autism blogs!

Don’t put an ‘I’m allistic so tell me if I said something bad!’ disclaimer on your autistic headcanon posts. This is a good habit when writing Serious Posts, but for headcanons, it’s unnecessary and generally kinda weird. It’s not Problematic(TM), and I understand having anxiety and insecurity when making headcanons for something outside of your experience, but it’s. Kinda annoying. Do it in the tags instead; that way people can still be informed about the fact that you’re allistic, without it being obnoxiously on the post no matter what you do.

Don’t write fic specifically about being autistic - you are not autistic and you’re probably gonna get something wrong. Instead, incorporate your autistic headcanon into fics about something else. It’s fine if the autism features heavily, just... no ‘x always knew they were different’ or ‘x has always seen the word in a different light due to the fact that they’re autistic’-centric fics.

Exception: you can write fics about being autistic provided you have an autistic beta/sensitivity reader. And if you do, mention it somewhere on the fic. Idk about other autistics, but unless an autism-centric fic seems like it was written by an autistic, I scroll right past it, because they tend to be very ableist if they’re written by allistics. So if you have an autistic sensitivity reader, mention it.

Headcanon lists are fine though! Headcanon lists are generally less intensive and require less ability to ‘get into someone’s head’ than fic writing, so if you want to say ‘I headcanon x as autistic because y reasons’ or ‘x is autistic and they stim in the following ways/have meltdowns/script/etc.’ that’s fine and cool!

Fanart and edits are cool too! Again, there’s less need to get into someone’s head, so drawing a character while stimming or editing the autism/neurodiversity rainbow infinity symbol behind them is just fine!

Every once in a while, sit back and examine the patterns in your autistic headcanons. What kind of characters are you headcanoning as autistic? Do you notice any worrying patterns? For example, are all your autistic headcanons white, or are they all male, or are they all robots/aliens, or do you also just so happen to headcanon all of them as aro/ace and/or unavailable for romantic/sexual relationships? That’s not to say that any and all patterns are always bad or ableist (pretty much all of my autistic headcanons are also aspec bc I’m an autistic aspec and I like projecting) (although if your autistic headcanons are always male/white, then yes that’s absolutely bad), but if you find a pattern, examine possible reasons why it exists.

This is a good habit to get into with any kind of minority headcanon, by the way! I’m gonna use LGBT+ headcanons as an example: who are you headcanoning as aspec and why? Do you notice a particular LGBT+ that’s getting left behind in your headcanons? Do you always pick the same character archetype for certain LGBT+ headcanons (for example, cold unapproachable characters as aro or extroverted characters as pan), and if so, why?

Actually! Examining your patterns in fandom behaviour in general is good. If you notice you usually don’t like female characters, then that’s probably something you should examine. If you notice that all your faves are white and that you are more interested in white background characters than main characters of colour, you should examine that. If you notice that, even though you like this minority character or headcanon, you don’t consume or create any content for them, examine why.

Problematic fandom behaviour very rarely manifests itself in something that happens once. It’s not inherently wrong to dislike this female character or not to like that ace headcanon, but if you notice that you consistently don’t like or aren’t interested in a particular character or headcanon, or if you notice that you consistently give particular characters particular headcanons, that might be an issue. Like I said, patterns are not always bad, but it’s good to be aware of them in case they are.

I’ll elaborate a bit on autistic aspec headcanons bc that’s such a hot button issue in fandom (bc people are asshats), but the tl;dr is that autistic aspec headcanons are not inherently bad and in fact, as an autistic aspec myself, I rather like them. However, headcanoning the one autistic-coded character as the one aroace in the group unfortunately does happen pretty often (Entrapta from She-Ra comes to mind - I’ve seen SO MANY posts about how everyone is a lesbian in She-Ra except for Entrapta, who is aroace of course, and it’s... pretty suspicious). But that’s not to say that you cannot headcanon autistic-coded/headcanoned characters as aspec; I elaborate more on this topic here (featuring a GREAT addition by @aroworlds!). Just examine your patterns and why they exist.

So this is not something that Inherently Problematic(TM), but it’s very annoying to me, so here goes: maybe diversify your autistic headcanons. I’m not saying ‘make sure your autistic headcanons are also poc/lgbt/etc.’ (although that’s very cool too), but just... diversify the autism itself. Often, it’s the exact same character archetype that gets headcanoned as autistic, and as an autistic whose autism tends to manifest in less typical ways, it gets... annoying.

Examples of typical autism tropes: the eccentric (computer/science) genius, the robot/alien, the socially awkward.traumatized loner, etc.

Examples of characters frequently headcanoned as autistic: Tony Stark (eccentric computer genius), Bruce Banner (socially awkward science genius), Pidge from Voltron (eccentric computer/science genius), Keith from Voltron (socially awkward loner alien), Entrapta (eccentric computer/science genius), Sherlock Holmes (eccentric genius), etc.

Also note how 90% of these characters are skinny white guys.

Seriously it’s 100% more likely for a skinny white guy to get headcanoned as autistic than it is for any character of colour and/or female character to get headcanoned as autistic, PLEASE examine your biases.

Examples of character archetypes that damn near never get headcanoned as autistic: team leaders, extroverted/loud characters, team heart (aka the ‘team mediator’, the glue that keeps people together), etc.

Examples of autistic headcanons I have that are non-conventional/less common: Allura from Voltron (team heart, leader), Hunk from Voltron (team heart), Arthur from BBC Merlin (leader), Kaldur’ahm from Young Justice (leader).

All of these characters are pretty damn autism-coded, and while it’s not... impossible to find content for some of these, there’s generally a lot less for them.

What I’m getting at is that, because the stereotypical autism-coded character of the eccentric computer nerd/socially awkward loner/robot/alien looms larger in the public consciousness, there’s a confirmation bias when it comes to these kind of characters. This often gets coupled with the stereotype that all autistic people are white boys, which results in a whole lot of the same white guys being headcanoned as autistic, even when other characters are just as if not more autism-coded.

It’s not Problematic(TM) to headcanon more stereoypically autism-coded characters as autistic, and it’s honestly not even Problmatic(TM) to only headcanon those characters as autistic, especially not if an autistic person who does present like that relates to those characters or if an allistic isn’t sure about their headcanons and wants to play it safe. But it does lead to a very monotone depiction of autism, and leads autistic people who don’t fit the stereotypical mold (me!) to feel left out. So, if possible, try researching lesser known autism traits or just generally thinking a bit out of the box when making autism headcanons.

It’s definitely bad to only headcanon skinny white guys as autistic though. Like I know I’ve said this 50 times now, but seriously, fandom racism and sexism (or a neat combination of the two in case of female character of colour) is SUPER noticeable in autistic headcanons.

And lastly: when in doubt, ask an autistic! Asking questions isn’t illegal, and if you’re not sure about whether x thing you want to do is okay, just shoot an autistic (who is okay with questions) an ask! I’m always open for questions about autism and such (and I love talking about it so that’s a bonus), so don’t be afraid to hit me up for further info!

#auti stuff #writing wise #kinda #eh whatever i'm tagging it #asks #my posts #Anonymous

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ifuckinglovestvincent · 5 years

Text

Switching Lanes With St. Vincent

By Molly Young

January 22, 2019

Jacket (men’s), $4,900, pants (men’s), $2,300, by Dior / Men shoes, by Christian Louboutin / Rings (throughout) by Cartier

On a cold recent night in Brooklyn, St. Vincent appeared onstage in a Saint Laurent smoking jacket to much clapping and hooting, gave the crowd a deadpan look, and said, “Without being reductive, I'd like to say that we haven't actually done anything yet.” Pause. “So let's do something.”

She launched into a cover of Lou Reed's “Perfect Day”: an arty torch-song version that made you really wonder whom she was thinking about when she sang it. This was the elusive chanteuse version of St. Vincent, at least 80 percent leg, with slicked-back hair and pale, pale skin. She belted, sipped from a tumbler of tequila (“Oh, Christ on a cracker, that's strong”), executed little feints and pounces, flung the mic cord away from herself like a filthy sock, and spat on the stage a bunch of times. Nine parts Judy Garland, one part GG Allin.

If the Garland-Allin combination suggests that St. Vincent is an acquired taste, she's one that has been acquired by a wide range of fans. The crowd in Brooklyn included young women with Haircuts in pastel fur and guys with beards of widely varying intentionality. There was a woman of at least 90 years and a Hasidic guy in a tall hat, which was too bad for whoever sat behind him. There were models, full nuclear families, and even a solitary frat bro. St. Vincent brings people together.

If you chart the career of Annie Clark, which is St. Vincent's civilian name, you will see what start-up founders and venture capitalists call “hockey-stick growth.” That is, a line that moves steadily in a northeast direction until it hits an “inflection point” and shoots steeply upward. It's called hockey-stick growth because…it looks like a hockey stick.

Dress, by Balmain

The toe of the stick starts with Marry Me, Clark's debut solo album, which came out a decade ago and established a few things that would become essential St. Vincent traits: her ability to play a zillion instruments (she's credited on the album with everything from dulcimer to vibraphone), her highbrow streak (Shakespeare citations), her goofy streak (“Marry me!” is an Arrested Development bit), and her oceanic library of musical references (Kate Bush, Steve Reich, uh…D'Angelo!). The blade of the stick is her next four albums, one of them a collaboration with David Byrne, all of them confirming her presence as an enigma of indie pop and a guitar genius. The stick of the stick took a non-musical detour in 2016, when Clark was photographed canoodling with (now ex-) girlfriend Cara Delevingne at Taylor Swift's mansion, followed a few months later by pictures of Clark holding hands with Kristen Stewart. That brought her to the realm of mainstream paparazzi-pictures-in-the-Daily-Mail celebrity. Finally, the top of the stick is Masseduction, the 2017 album she co-produced with Jack Antonoff, which revealed St. Vincent to be not only experimental and beguiling but capable of turning out incorrigible bangers.

Masseduction made the case that Clark could be as much a pop star as someone like Sia or Nicki Minaj—a performer whose idiosyncrasies didn't have to be tamped down for mainstream success but could actually be amplified. The artist Bruce Nauman once said he made work that was like “going up the stairs in the dark and either having an extra stair that you didn't expect or not having one that you thought was going to be there.” The idea applies to Masseduction: Into the familiar form of a pop song Clark introduces surprising missteps, unexpected additions and subtractions. The album reached No. 10 on the Billboard 200. The David Bowie comparisons got louder.

This past fall, she released MassEducation (not quite the same title; note the addition of the letter a), which turned a dozen of the tracks into stripped-down piano songs. Although technically off duty after being on tour for nearly all of 2018, Clark has been performing the reduced songs here and there in small venues with her collaborator, the composer and pianist Thomas Bartlett. Whereas the Masseduction tour involved a lot of latex, neon, choreographed sex-robot dance moves, and LED screens, these recent shows have been comparatively austere. When she performed in Brooklyn, the stage was empty, aside from a piano and a side table. There were blue lights, a little piped-in fog for atmosphere, and that was it. It looked like an early-'90s magazine ad for premium liquor: art-directed, yes, but not to the degree that it Pinterested itself.

Coat, (men’s) $8,475, by Versace / Shoes, by Christian Louboutin / Tights, by Wolford

The performance was similarly informal. Midway through one song, Clark forgot the lyrics and halted. “It takes a different energy to be performing [than] to sit in your sweatpants watching Babylon Berlin,” she said. “Wherever I am, I completely forget the past, and I'm like. ‘This is now.’ And sometimes this means forgetting song lyrics. So, if you will…tell me what the second fucking verse is.”

Clark has only a decade in the public eye behind her, but she's accomplished a good amount of shape-shifting. An openness to the full range of human expression, in fact, is kind of a requirement for being a St. Vincent fan. This is a person who has appeared in the front row at Chanel and also a person who played a gig dressed as a toilet, a person profiled in Vogue and on the cover of Guitar World.

The day before her Brooklyn show, I sat with Clark to find out what it's like to be utterly unstructured, time-wise, after a long stretch of knowing a year in advance that she had to be in, like, Denmark on July 4 and couldn't make plans with friends.

“I've been off tour now for three weeks,” she said. “When I say ‘off,’ I mean I didn't have to travel.”

This doesn't mean she hasn't traveled—she went to L.A. to get in the studio with Sleater-Kinney and also hopped down to Texas, where she grew up—just that she hasn't been contractually obligated to travel. What else did she do on her mini-vacation?

“I had the best weekend last weekend. I woke up and did hot Pilates, and then I got a bunch of new modular synths, and I set 'em up, and I spent ten hours with modular synths. Plugging things in. What happens when I do this? I'm unburdened by a full understanding of what's going on, so I'm very willing to experiment.”

Coat, by Boss

Jacket, and coat, by Boss / Necklace, by Cartier

Like a child?

“Exactly. Did you ever get those electronics kits as a kid for like 20 bucks from RadioShack? Where you connect this wire to that one and a light bulb turns on? It's very much like that.”

There's an element of chaos, she said, that makes synth noodling a neat way to stumble on melodies that she might not have consciously assembled. She played with the synths by herself all day. “I don't stop, necessarily,” she said, reflecting on what the idea of “vacation” means to someone for whom “job” and “things I love to do” happen to overlap more or less exactly. “I just get to do other things that are really fun. I'm in control of my time.” She had plans to see a show at the New Museum, read books, play music and see movies alone, always sitting on the aisle so she could make a quick escape if necessary. But she will probably keep working. St. Vincent doesn't have hobbies.

When it manifests in a person, this synergy between life and work is an almost physically perceptible quality, like having brown eyes or one leg or being beautiful. Like beauty, it's a result of luck, and a quality that can invoke total despair in people who aren't themselves allotted it. This isn't to say that Clark's career is a stroke of unearned fortune but that her skills and character and era and influences have collided into a perfect storm of realized talent. And to have talent and realize that talent and then be beloved by thousands for exactly the thing that is most special about you: Is there anything a person could possibly want more? Is this why Annie Clark glows? Or is it because she's super pale? Or was it because there was a sound coming through the window where we sat that sounded thrillingly familiar?

“Is Amy Sedaris running by?” Clark asked, her spine straightening. A man with a boom mic was visible on the sidewalk outside. Another guy in a baseball cap issued instructions to someone beyond the window. Someone said “Action!” and a figure in vampire makeup and a clown wig streaked across the sidewalk. Someone said “Cut!” and Clark zipped over for a look. It was, in fact, Amy Sedaris, her clown wig bobbing in the 44-degree breeze. The mic operator was gagging with laughter. It seemed like a good omen, this sighting, like the New York City version of Groundhog Day: If an Amy Sedaris streaks across your sight line in vampire makeup, spring will arrive early.

Blazer (men’s) $1,125, by Paul Smith

Another thing Clark does when off tour is absorb all the input that she misses when she's locked into performance mode. On a Monday afternoon, she met artist Lisa Yuskavage at an exhibition of her paintings at the David Zwirner gallery in Chelsea. Yuskavage was part of a mini-boom of figurative painting in the '90s, turning out portraits of Penthouse centerfolds and giant-jugged babes with Rembrandt-esque skill. It made sense that Clark wanted to meet her: Both women make art about the inner lives of female figures, both are sorcerers of technique, both are theatrical but introspective, both have incendiary style. The gallery was a white cube, skylit, with paintings around the perimeter. Yuskavage and Clark wandered through at a pace exclusive to walking tours of cultural spaces, which is to say a few steps every 10 to 15 seconds with pauses between for the proper amount of motionless appreciation.

The paintings were small, all about the size of a human head, and featured a lot of nipples, tufted pudenda, tan lines, majestic asses, and protruding tongues. “I like the idea of possessing something by painting it,” Yuskavage said. “That's the way I understand the world. Like a dog licking something.”

Clark looked at the works with the expression people make when they're meditating. She was wearing elfin boots, black pants, and a shirt with a print that I can only describe as “funky”—“funky” being an adjective that looks good on very few people, St. Vincent being one of them—and sipped from a cup of espresso furnished by a gallery minion. After she finished the drink, there was a moment when she looked blankly at the saucer, unsure what to do with it, and then stuck it in the breast pocket of her funky shirt for the rest of the tour.

A painting called Sweetpuss featured a bubble-butted blonde in beaded panties with nipples so upwardly erect they actually resembled little boners. Yuskavage based the underwear on a pair of real underwear that she'd constructed herself from colored balls and string. “I've got the beaded panties if you ever need 'em,” she said to Clark. “They might fit you. They're tiny.”

Earrings, by Erickson Beamon

“I'm picturing you going to the Garment District,” Clark said.

“There was a lot of going to the Garment District.”

As they completed their lap around the white cube, Clark interjected with questions—what year was this? were you considering getting into film? how long did these sittings take? what does “mise-en-scène” mean?—but mainly listened. And she is a good listener: an inquisitive head tilter, an encouraging nodder, a non-fidgeter, a maker of eye contact. She found analogues between painting and music. When Yuskavage mourned the death of lead white paint (due to its poisonous qualities, although, as the artist pointed out, “It's not that big a deal to not get lead poisoning; just don't eat the paint”), Clark compared it to recording's transition from tape to digital.

“Back in the day, if you wanted to hear something really reverberant”—she clapped; it reverberated—“you'd have to be in a room like this and record it, or make a reverb chamber,” Clark said. “Now we have digital plug-ins where you can say, ‘Oh, I want the acoustic resonance of the Sistine Chapel.’ Great. Somebody's gone and sampled that and created an algorithm that sounds like you're in the Sistine Chapel.”

Lately, she said, she's been way more into devices that betray their imperfections. That are slightly out of tune, or capable of messing up, or less forgiving of human intervention. “Air moving through a room,” Clark said. “That's what's interesting to me.”

They kept pacing. The paintings on the wall evolved. Conversation turned to what happens when you grow as an artist and people respond by flipping out.

“I always find it interesting when someone wants you to go back to ‘when you were good,’ ” Yuskavage said. “This is why we liked you.”

“I can't think of anybody where I go, ‘What's great about that artist is their consistency, ” Clark said. “Anything that stays the same for too long dies. It fails to capture people's imagination.”

Coat (mens), $1,150, by Acne Studios

They were identifying a problem with fans, of course, not with themselves. It was an implicit identification, because performers aren't permitted to critique their audiences, and it was definitely the artistic equivalent of a First World problem—an issue that arises only when you're so resplendent with talent that you not only nail something enough to attract adoration but nail it hard enough to get personally bored and move on—but it was still valid. They were talking about the kind of fan who clings to a specific tree when he or she could be roaming through a whole forest. In St. Vincent's case, a forest of prog-rock thickets and jazzy roots and orchestral brambles and mournful-ballad underlayers, all of it sprouting and molting under a prodigious pop canopy. They were talking about the strange phenomenon of people getting mad at you for surprising them. Even if the surprise is great.

Molly Young is a writer living in New York City. She wrote about Donatella Versace in the April 2018 issue of GQ.

A version of this story originally appeared in the February 2019 issue with the title "Switching Lanes With St. Vincent."

#st vincent #annie clark #gq #interviews #shakespeare citations #christ on a cracker #lmao

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thequeensofmemes · 6 years

Conversation

Reign Quotes

I never saw any ghosts.

But what if they saw you?

She had skinny legs, a missing front tooth, and opinions.

My dear, this was not an act of passion. It was treason.

Love is irrelevant to people like us.

I wonder whose face you're imagining in that target.

I would rather have hope with you than certainty with anyone else.

Win or lose, you will answer for it. That's what kings do.

You do have a way of leaving chaos in your wake.

She's not just an alliance. She's a girl.

I'm not sure words mean anything here.

We'll prove to them that our union is strong.

Treat them as friends until they prove themselves foes.

Contrary to public opinion, I do not relish destroying people's homes.

I don't care what you learn, as long as you don't forget.

We have positioned ourselves for the worst kind of pain.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.

I take things sometimes. It makes me feel better.

To see you smile is to feel the sun, your grace.

Do you flirt with everyone?

I'd probably say yes.

Killing isn't supposed to be easy. If your hands weren't shaking, you'd be him.

Close to death, apparently.

I'm glad that my unhappiness gives you so much pleasure.

Don't let fear keep you from greatness.

It could cost you your head.

If servants are gossiping about your unmade bed, it is too late to rectify the situation.

Men must find something to kill from time to time.

Accept that I have lost. I have.

I'm in a nunnery of one.

That's the kind of talk that gets bastards--and mistresses--beheaded.

History is written by the survivors. And I am surely that.

Tell me when you want me to stop.

Happiness is the one thing we queens can never have.

Arming yourself against me? Am I really that frightening?

Am I really stupid enough to find out?

My mother, she was behind this as well?

All her crimes against me were because she loved you.

I grow weary of your threats.

I grew weary of you a decade ago.

That half-blind portrait artist didn't realize I was sitting in a chair while my sister was standing, and now half the kingdom thinks I’m a dwarf.

Love is irrelevant to people like us, a privilege that we do not share.

There are two things I can't abide, betrayal and stupidity.

Next time you see a threat large or small, you cut it down like a weed.

I don't want to do this to you.

Too bad you didn't see this one coming.

When the ax falls on your neck, I will be there.

Off with you child. You've killed me enough for one day.

I don't 'attempt' to do anything--I do it.

Nature is not malignant.

Must I do everything? Shall I catch my head in my own hands, too?

So I sent you here to wed a king and find you engaged to a bastard.

Despite what you may think, I never intended to harm your family.

Sooner or later, blood will be spilled. It's just a matter of whose.

So he is mad...and a mad king incites chaos and rebellion.

I don't make love to you because I want a baby. I want a baby because I love you.

Those who look upon it are taken. And those who are taken die.

We are royals. We have the power to do terrible things. Without trust, we're nothing.

You? What do you have to complain about? You're now married to a beautiful woman of noble birth.

I won't pretend I love you, but we should probably start liking each other, at least.

My first duty is not to my mother.

Don't you think a royal crown suits me?

I'm too rich to care what people say.

Look where our hearts have led us. We've brought you shame.

I suppose innocence is all relative.

I always want to be there for you.

Don't beg. It invites pity and disdain.

Do all married couples have these struggles?

I think you've redefined marital discord.

Nothing bothers me more than problems I've already solved coming back to be problems again.

Am I the only one in this bed with something to forget?

I never dreamt that I'd be wed to a bastard with an imaginary title.

Losing bothers me.

Trust is a luxury I can no longer afford.

You shouldn't have to live like this.

What happens when being a good king means being a bad husband?

I don't need to be part of your schemes.

You no longer have the privilege of obeying your heart!

It isn't fair, the privileges we are given...or the prices we must pay for them.

When you are alone and miserable, remember this was the moment you threw your happiness away.

This marriage is no longer something that happened to me...you are what I want.

Don't get sentimental about a father who was never sentimental about you.

His life was there for the taking. So I took it.

Royals are always at war.

An interesting choice. Assuming you let her know she has one.

All I have to offer you...is me.

I've come to offer you something. The destruction of our mutual enemy.

Common lore is that your teeth are filed into points and your eyes are black with rage.

Ruling requires that your hands be drenched in blood.

What else could I be but a witch?

You are my husband and my king.

You crushed the rebellion by yourself.

If we die, it is at her hands. And if we live I will never forgive her for this.

I'm saying that should anything happen to either of us I hope that you'll remember me not as the man who lied or betrayed you, I hope you'll remember me as the man who would have cherished you if he'd had the chance.

And real love never fades, not truly.

Just know whatever happens, this is not the end I dreamed for us.

I refuse to surrender. My reign will not end without a fight.

Whose blood concerns you more, your husband or your lover's?

All that stands between him and the crown is my head.

Is this how it's going to be from now on? Both of us constantly wondering what the other is up to?

Long live his majesty.

Contempt alone is not enough to condemn a man. Even the contempt of a king.

We're all basically fallen women.

Our love will die here.

It was rather a miracle.

Just don't expect a fond farewell from me. Or my trust. Ever again.

Do not test my power and do not tempt my fury.

If I'm as responsible as you say, I will never forgive myself.

I never imagined you'd kill him by breaking his heart.

The truth of your betrayal was the last thing that he heard before he collapsed.

I will spill blood to defend what's mine.

So you're my new keeper.

You are a necessary evil whose orbit I can't seem to escape.

But you have to know, that no matter your choices, you still have a husband who would do anything to make you happy.

I opened my heart to a liar.

And now I am lying for you, lying even to my brother, protecting you as you take comfort in the arms of another.

Build a future controlled by you, not the changeable heart of a woman.

When you were a child, there were dozens of little girls whose families begged me for that position, but I chose you because you played well together, because you didn't hurt or throw mud at her. But now you have done both.

You are on the cusp of losing your country.

You poisoned a king and a queen and I helped you get away with it. We each hold a noose for the other.

What I meant is your official mourning period is over.

You say that as if I just won a prize. You can't be serious.

Thank you for pointing out the obvious and will you please stop doting on my mother!

Because I love you. And one of us should be happy.

There are those who merely believe they have power, and there are those who actually have it.

Oh, is that caring? It sounds to me like a man trying to tighten his grip on a woman.

Such haste! I haven't properly mocked you for saving the life of your mother's worst enemy.

Congratulations, you've used your knowledge of the heart's noblest emotion to manipulate and destroy someone.

I don't feel strong. I feel like I'm sleepwalking and I don't know how to wake up.

I will be your wife in name only.

Look where that love has brought us.

At least my family will cry at my funeral.

She sent you to woo me, didn't she?

The only alliance I'm interested is temporary, delicious and bad.

Do not seek to take before I can give.

here are some lines I will not cross even to save myself.

I wanted to give you the chance to do the right thing and I still believe you will.

It's a very romantic story, actually. Father threatened to kill them both if they didn't marry.

I need to handle this on my own and to do it my way. What I need from you is to be patient and to believe in me.

My dear, never give up a crown to anybody.

Are you seriously, seriously suggesting that you want to watch me bathe in return for getting my dowry back?

You know that as a Queen, you put on an act. You can't always show what's in your heart. The same is true for being a wife.

We're women. We're not allowed to have things of our own.

Do you worry that I can't bear you a child?

Does it bring us closer for you to know that your failure disappoints me beyond words?

In the name of justice and tolerance you will drive your people to civil war.

My ladies brought this to me months ago. I read it in an hour.

Have you ever been in love?

Don't you turn your back on me. I am more than your friend. I am your Queen!

I can't be ruled by desire. It's nothing to build a life on.

Your figure's gonna go to hell anyway so you might as well eat up. You are feeding the future King.

It's been some weeks now but I wanted to be sure and I am sure. I am with child, our child, at last!

You lie to your guests and then you threaten them with weapons? We will not be treated this way!

Asking you to know your place is like asking the sun not to shine.

It's must be hard. Once a Queen, now the Queen Mother. Decorative, like an expensive vase.

There's a new day coming, and you are on the wrong side.

Are all powerful men so insecure?

Innocent men shouldn't die alone.

You think you're untouchable, that your sins will stay buried, but they don't.

Of all the people you could have slept with, did it have to be one of my ladies? One of my closest friends?

I am your Queen. I command you.

One bedroom for husband and wife. Good luck with that!

Am I really planning a life, a future, without you?

I will not live in fear of her.

Are you trying to blame a woman for a man’s choices?

It was your spies who got that information to me wasn’t it.

I hope your wings are strong you vulture! You will be circling for quite some times.

What’s the cost of a king’s life?

I always knew we would be wed. Even when I first returned.

I see such beauty. Such beauty you have brought me.

You must wed again. You must love again.

I will never love anyone, the way I love you.

I can’t let him go.

Let him go, and hold on to me.

We were suppose to dance under the stars.

I may still a Queen.

Is that it? Our courtship is over. Was I wrong in thinking it was going well?

No matter what you might think, I can’t just force men to fall in love with me.

That is not a strategy.

I am a queen, about to marry a broken Prince for power...

I need proof before the wedding happens.

You two have become thick as thieves.

Do you still hold it agents me that I defended her agents a false accusation of murder?!

It's time to accept my fate

I will not be chased out of my country before I’ve even retuned.

I will fight fire, with fire.

The day may come where we may find ourselves on the battle field. What would you do then?

Impressive. Where did you learn to shoot like that?

Those memories are a part of me.

You love power!

You despise me, yet you expect a free ride!

I think I shall never see you again.

We have to stop them.

Give me your sword.

You took my heart! And now I’ve come to repay you.

I have come for my throne.

Queens do not bow to their subjects. It is in-fact, quite the other way around.

And may God, and your Queen. Have mercy of your soul.

Men don’t like taking orders from woman, they can barely stand speaking to them.

He knows I speak the truth.

Who cares about right or wrong, if you're dead!

I don’t have much to live for these days, but I would still die for my children.

She does have her moments doesn't she.

I’m sorry I wasn’t the mother you wanted me to be. I did my best.

Why would my presence startle you? Oh because you married my lover.

You requested a five course meals, I offer you seven!

Your love, it gave him so much joy, and that's what you must remember.

How can I pray to God, when I am certain he doesn’t not hear me.

My election could mean the end of your nation.

If I cannot disprove these charges I will swing from a rope.

What if he dies?!

We were here! We were playing a game of chess- which I won.

From the moment you were born, our relationship has been complicated.

We live in a word that undervalues woman.

I may be guilty of favouring my sons over my daughters.

And when you are wed, and you leave this home, it will break my heart.

You are offering me a kindness, a consideration I have rarely shown to you over the years.

Is it so unthinkable, a crime might take place in this castle that I had nothing to do with.

The butcher still insists on his innocents.

Just remember. Enjoy him, but never trust him.

I won’t be frightened into your arms by a dead rat, or a dead Cardinal!

If you think you are not going to talk, you are mistaken.

I don’t understand why we have to take time to visit the Generals.

A king should always deliver good news in person. Bad news should be sent by a messenger. Or let them find out on their own.

Go take back your country.

Our union is damaged beyond repair.

That’s the most flattering thing you’ve ever said to me.

Please tell me that wasn't you.

I need you here, too see you, even if I can’t touch you.

I am paying the price. I feel like a prisoner.

I am their Queen. Their whispers are treason.

Your highness, you are a vision.

This thing between us. It must end.

I’m ready to accept his proposal.

If is a fact of our time. A man rules his wife. Even if his wife is a Queen.

And it will be the challenge of my life, not to kill her.

Perhaps I forgot what it means to be a queen.

I shall never name an heir unless it is my own child.

To name a successor is to place a target on one's self.

Perhaps it better to outright refuse him. Be brutal and direct.

Don’t misjudge me. I am my father’s son.

All that’s left now, is for me to enjoy my final hours.

Well, I suppose you’ll have to settle with being the Queen of two nations, not three.

You cannot keep me in a cage. Even one built with love.

We were meant to be happy, and we were. But I have another fate.

Show people you are worthy of the post you hold, and no one will remember how you rose to it.

Love is never simple. Not that I'm any expert.

I was willing to give up so much for you. But now I want you out of my life. Forever.

Why must the fate of nations be decided in a shared bed?

I receive a letter from him nearly everyday. And I haven’t read one.

I can’t image what the night must be without the man you truly love.

Please go. While I still have the courage to say goodbye.

Sons of cobblers, doesn’t get to be with princesses.

I need to believe, that who we are, matters more than our station.

You are who you're born into, and nothing more than people say you are. You can pretend otherwise, but the world won’t pretend with you.

If you go on this mission. I’ll stop loving you!

From now on, you're only allowed to dream about me.

I have many children of my own you know. Some of them turn out quite well.

She is actually dead in’t she?

What is power, without love.

Be grateful for the fun you had, you must have know your time would come.

I expect you’ll be wearing that when we play cards tonight.

She handles tragedy with ruthless clarity.

I will not help you with this

Ask anyone. I’m as fickle as they come.

It's hard for all of us. Being part of this family.

I may be young, and inexperienced, but I promise I’ll give you an heir.

What’s this play about?

It’s a comedy about royals.

I hear the princess is worth looking at.

It's funny isn't in. Both of us here, we already know we've had our one true love.

You must rule your own heart, as firmly as you rule your subjects.

We may be the enemy, but I am not without my manners.

Your light as a feather, I swear!

Would you be interested in anything else? My chambers for example…

There’s the smile I was hoping for.

Allow me to charm you so more, and we’ll work on that next part.

Men forget, that woman have ears.

My child will be heir to her throne, to both Nations.

This is a course you cannot step back from. And if you take it, I fear I am looking at a dead woman.

We all die. The question is what we stood for while we lived.

Have you already named our children? Or did you leave that part for me?

I did not expect to like you. But I do.

Earn my respect then, as I earn the respect of my men. In combat!

Duels only lead to dead men, not respect.

Fists then. A boxing match. If you win, I bend the knee. But if I win, you will withdraw your marriage offer to the Queen.

I let you win that race.

How dare you, didn't you notice that I defied the queen of England for you!?

I’m going to be your husband.

I had a husband! and I loved him and he was murdered in cold blood before my eyes.

Before I met you, I loved someone. In that way that should've lasted a lifetime, but it didn't.

Let the danger come.

You will be my husband in name only. And we will never be happy.

It is my duty, my God-given birthright and my crown. And I will defend it from anyone who attempts to take it.

I had hoped that our marriage would be a partnership in every way. but with your drinking, your cheating, your blind ambition...

I know we hardly know each other, and yet here I am, asking you to risk everything for me.

With or without your crown. I would do anything for you.

I made you King. But we will never be equals.

You can’t expect everyone to be glad you are back at Court, some of us know you.

He will hang. And I will enjoy watching him die.

I didn't kill him, but justice needed to be done.

This vile act will not ease your pain!

Revenge is not meant to ease pain. It is meant to balance the scales.

He was an innocent man!

Men will never willingly bow to the weaker sex.

I put my trust in you, my Lord.

Well surely you don’t blame me.

How nice of you to take time out of your grievance to mock me.

What about the shame you've brought to this family? Not to mention this country and to God himself?!

I've learned never trust the beginning of a book.

I know this isn't what you wanted, but for now, this marriage will protect you.

When the time is right, I can make you a widow.

We need to show them you are not a monster, by showing them what you really are. A King.

Perhaps I shall have your throat slit in your sleep. Or have the villagers do it for me when they come for us to root out the beast we have protected.

I should have your entire family burned at the stake.

He was born first! That's all he has to do.

I have always put my children first. I have done terrible things! I have always done it for their good. But are they worth it?

Tell your son to come to court. Or I will have him dragged here. On his knees.

I will not be remembered as the Queen that drew first blood.

And I can't bear to lose you.

Our affair puts you in danger.

I won't ever tire of you.

He is a long-term confidante. A skilled advisor and diplomat, whose journeys, for the Crown, have met with spectacular success.

I represent something glorious, for everyone. And if you want to banish every person who is dazzled by me, we'll be a nation of mainly women.

You are more precious to me than my nation.

Speak! While there is still mercy in my heart!

I will bow to no man

I will face ever threat to my reign with sword in hand. And any who shall stand in my way shall fall.

I cannot have her blood on my hands. And I cannot let her go.

Look how far you’ve come. Trading your heart to rise in station.

Now that I know how things really work around here. I'm interested in getting to know you better.

Why should I be interested in you?

I was starting to think you didn't have it in you.

But let me offer some advice: next time you threaten someone, make sure you have proof. A theory is nothing more than a feather.

I am on no one's side, but my own.

Get out of my Court!

It’s fine. A daughter joining her mother for an evening stroll is hardly a crime.

The tears might be a bit much.

In a year, everything will be different. I'll have an heir.

I won’t fall in love with him. I promise!! Please have faith in me.

I was almost sent to a nunnery for following my heart!

I lost both the man I love and the man I could have loved.

I'm asking you to marry me. but I’m begging you to save your own life.

Tell me this. Do you think we can be happy together?

Your food is regularity tested for poison.

You're so clever.

Your lies come so easily.

You invited me here because you think of me, as often as I think of you.

He does have his father’s history to overcome.

I am an ambitious man. And if this is my one chance at King, I will take it.

If I am King for only as long as you live, then I say long live the Queen.

I don’t want to find love. I want to be loved.

It wasn’t easy, I paid a fortune.

The inevitable War of Two Queen.

May matrimony set you on a more honorable path.

I am married to the most powerful man in the world.

Stop starting at me witch!

You're a beautiful, ambitious, young woman who's learned to pull the strings of men, and yed can't see when her own strings are being pulled.

Being married to a woman who is in love with another, isn’t exactly the ideal union I dreamed of either.

Bastards and cheaters are not welcome on the Throne.

You will have love or an heir, but not both.

Lie to me again, and I will open you up right here, in your own house.

If you have a baby that isn’t yours, you’ll hang, unless you cooperate.

#meme #ask meme #sentence meme

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sometimesambroswrites · 7 years

Note

I hate to prompt something (I've seen that you have a million prompts already) but what about a coffee shop!AU where Magnus always asks for almond milk (bc he's lactose intolerant or pretends to be) and they only have lactose free milk so he just drinks it with that and then one day the cute barista Alec hands him his coffee and it tastes different and he asks and Alec's like 'Well you always ask for it so I... kinda bought it with my own money for you?' I'd actually die.

This ask was sooo lovely, thank you so much, I really love the prompt :3 (I’m not super happy with how it turned out buuuuuut I hope you like it!)Please know that I know nothing of american coffee or Starbucks. Well, I know nothing of coffee period. Still. Any opinion regarding coffee expressed in this fic is definitely not mine.

Read on AO3

“You tell him because youbroke the damn thing!”

“Don't you dare try and put thison me, it's been yearssince I touched it!”

“I don't think either of you needsto tell him,” Ragnor comments from where he's sitting, a fuming cupof tea in his hands; he tilts his head towards the hallway, and bothRaphael and Catarina turn with horrified expressions to find ashocked Magnus staring at them.

They both point at each other at thesame time. Catarina tries to bat Raphael's index finger away and heretaliates by pinching herside.

Magnus blinks, looking at the coffeemachine behind them.

“I think you broke him too,”Ragnor comments; he looks like he's enjoying himself way too much,safe in his deep hatred towards coffee. He crosses his legs and sinksa little bit deeper in his armchair.

“Tell me you didn't,” Magnuswhines, his arms outstretched as he crosses the kitchen in twostrides; Catarina and Raphael take a step back and watch himcarefully as he assesses the damage.

“We're really sorry,” Catarinasays, ignoring Raphael's I didn't do anything outragedflailing, “We're not sure what happened.”

Magnus tries to press a button andthe coffee machine sprays his face with watered coffee.

He looks murderous when he turns toCatarina and Raphael, coffee dripping from his chin: “I will screamat you two when I get back,” he guarantees, and both Catarina andRaphael have the decency to look a little bit afraid.

“I'll be here to enjoy,” Ragnorsays with a smirk, bringing his mug closer to his lips to take a sip;Raphael throws a cookie at him.

It's not even about the coffee.Magnus taps impatiently on the strap of his shoulder bag. Coffee, hecan find anywhere. It doesn't even have to be goodcoffee. He just needs the kick of it. He could drink Starbucks'overpriced burned coffee, for all it matters.

Except that no, he can't, he refusesto, he won't drink Starbucks' stupid, overpriced coffee because hehas morals, but that'snot the point.

The point is, he stopped takingsugar with his coffee a long time ago, and it took him agesto manage it – he used to need at least four sugar packets in hiscoffee until he'd put his foot down because he was basically drinkingsugar with a little bit of coffee in it.

“What can I get you?”

Magnus' gaze snaps up and he has amoment of emotional backlash from where he was mourning the loss ofhis perfect morning coffee to wherehe's now staring at anincredibly hotbarista.He blinks. His karma must be repaying him for the coffee machine.

Some sort of cheesy variation of thesentence are you on the menu?crosses his coffee deprived mind, but thankfully, thankfullyhe bites his tongue and silently blames all the years he's lived withRagnor. “Do you happen to have almond milk?” he asks, and that's,yes, that's the point, or, at least, it was the point before – hechecks his name-tag – Alecinterrupted him with his being an incredibly hot barista.

There is no way in hell he's goingto drink black coffee. Black coffee is not an acquired taste, it's aninsult to people with functioning taste-buds. But hecan't have regular milk in his coffee, because he's lactoseintolerant. And lactose free milk tastes like watered milk. Almondmilk, on the other hand, is pure deliciousness.

So he's a bit of a pain in the asswhen it comes to his coffee, so what. He's allowed. It's coffee. He'ssingle. Something has tocuddle him in the morning.

“Almond milk?” Alec asks, alittle frown between his eyebrows, “I'm afraid not. Sorry.”

He looks genuinely sorry too, whichonly lifts Magnus' spirit so far. He sighs. “A black coffee withlactose free milk, then, please.”

Alec rings him up, sneaking a quickglance at him; he passes theorder to the stunning black haired girl – being gorgeous isprobably a requirement for being hired in this place – and then hehesitates for a second before he grabs a chocolate chip cookie andwraps it up: “On the house,” he says. There might be a slow blushworking its way up his neck. The girl coughs loudly and Alec rollshis eyes. “Sorry about the almond milk.”

The cookie is still warm, just sothat it won't crumble in his fingers. Suddenly, his day sucks a lotless. He smiles at Alec, a face-splitting grin he'll be embarrassedabout later. “Thanks,” he says, and a smile curls Alec's lips tooas he looks a bit bashful, the blush reaching his cheeks and paintingthem a lovely shade of red.

The girl clears her throat, the cupof coffee ready in her hand; she is looking at them like she can readtheir minds and is awfully amused by what she finds. “Thereyou go,” she says, letting the cup of coffee slide on the countertowards Magnus; she leans on Alec, her manicured nails tapping hisshoulder, “Nameless person.”

Alec turns crimson and bats her handaway, and Magnus realises that, yeah, Alec forgot to ask for his nameand they're probably holding up the queue since he hasn't moved onfrom the register.

On his cup are scribbled the wordsnameless person. Hegrabs it and quickly, kind of breathless, he says: “Magnus. Myname's Magnus.”, as he walks backwards, exchanging a quick glancewith Alec, mixed with a small, hesitant smile.

“See you later, Magnus!” thegirl calls, and Magnus sees Alec pinching her before he turns andwalks out, a huge, stupid grin on his face.

He doesn't yell at anyone when hegoes home.

Catarina and Raphael are clearlyexpecting it, they already have their best puppy eyes on, butMagnus hums a little Christmas tune as he goes into his room and thento the bathroom to take a shower.

Ragnor mutters: “It's bloodySeptember.”

He goes back the next day.

Raphael and Catarina have alreadysworn left and right that they'll replace the coffee machine as soonas possible and Magnus has simply replied don't worry aboutit. They'd all looked at himlike he'd lost his mind.

But they don't know that there's ahot barista named Alec waiting for him – or, well, probably notwaiting for him, but still –and that coffee is now his second priority.

He's kind of giddy as he walks inthe coffee shop, and his eyes immediately land on Alec, who's workingbehind the counter; his heart does not, does not thumpweirdly in his chest when he finds Alec looking back at him for amoment only before he goes back to his client, half a smile on hisface as he looks down.

Damn coffee is going to ruin Magnus'life.

The black haired girl grins as soonas she spots him and elbows Alec in the ribs; Alec blushes andwhispers something at her. She laughs and she shakes her head,disappearing in the kitchen when Magnus reaches the counter.

“Hi,” he says, kind ofbreathless with expectations; Alec smiles, brushes the small aprontied around his waist with his hands: “Hey,” he says; his darkhair falls on his forehead, “I got – something”. He crouchesdown behind the counter for a couple of seconds and re-emergesproudly holding a carton of almond milk, andMagnus is this close, this close tojumping over the counter to kiss him.

“You bought almond milk,” hesays; he's biting his lower lip because if he smiles any harder hisface is probably going to fall off.

Alec shrugs, places the carton onthe counter: “I thought it'd be a smart business move, you know.Just in case more people come in and ask for it.”

“Of course, sure,” Magnus says;Alec's eyes are crinkled by his smile. “Makes perfect sense. I canimagine how many people came in asking for almond milk.”

“One,” Alec nods, and Magnuschuckles, finds Alec's bright eyes on himself, “But, you know,”Alec blushes, a pretty pink sitting on his cheeks, “Might be worthit.”

“No offence,” the black hairedgirl says, grabbing the milk to make Magnus' cup of coffee, “Butyou two flirt way too slowly tobe doing it in a coffee shop.”

They both chuckle and the girl rollsher eyes, turning to get busy with the coffee machine; Alec grabs anempty cup and scribbles something on it with a black marker, handingit out to Magnus as he bites his lower lip. “My number.”

The girl returns with the cup ofcoffee, the same identical number written on hers too. “Oh,” shesays, noticing the empty cup Magnus is holding. Alec glares at herand she simply shrugs, holding out the coffee for Magnus. “At leastI remembered to put coffee in it, too.”

Alec whispers: “I hate you.” andthe girl snickers before disappearing in the kitchen again; Magnusslides his full cup in his empty cup: “If I call you in, let's say,three minutes, are there any chances that you'll pick up?”

“Three minutes? That's exactlywhen I was thinking I'd takemy break.”

“In that case,” Magnus says,taking a couple of steps backwards, “I'll hear from you soon.”

They're both smiling like idiotswhen Alec says: “Definitely.” and Magnus turns, almond milkcoffee in one hand and his phone in the other.

He texts Catarina and Raphael beforehe calls Alec.

Thanks for breaking the coffee machine.

#malec #malec fic #malec fanfic #malec fanfiction #malec fic rec #malec prompt #magnus bane #alec lightwood #raphael santiago #ragnor fell #catarina loss #isabelle lightwood #otp: heart & soul #ambros writes #Anonymous

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dovechim · 6 years

Note

After a hectic week I can finally sit down and dedicate the next hour or so to continue my story because I really want to get to the part which I'd like to hear your opinion - and everyone else's - about!! ☆ Long Story Anon

So we kept messaging for the following days, both busy with our respective classes; but before I knew it and I can't say I was surprised, he invited me to do something again less than a week later. We're from a considerably small city, there isn't much to do around here, so we had a hard time coming up with an idea. Well, he suggested to pick me up and we'd go back to his house to eat something, to which I agreed. I was with my friend and we were both jumping around from excitement ☆ 1

Needless to say my friends all loved him; they were happy that after such a long time and with such bad luck in love I finally found what seemed to be the last guy on earth who was worth more than two seconds of my life. I knew going to his house implied something more serious than making out could happen, but honestly I didn't mind if it did. In context, he lived with his little brother and parents; where we're from it's common at our age to still live at home since we've not graduated yet ☆2

But he'd mentioned during the first date that his parents were away for an anniversary holiday and his little brother was staying with the oldest one who lived in his own apartment with his fiance; meaning we had the house for ourselves. As planned he picked me up and took me there, had some food delivered and we watched terrible horror films on netflix. He'd cheesily try to put his arm around me on the couch and I'd move closer, ending up snuggled together with my heart about to burst ☆ 3

At one point both brothers and the fiance show up with some food, for some reason and that's when I knew half his family on the second date lol. But they moved upstairs quite quickly after eating and left us alone to watch the movies. Eventually he'd kiss my cheek, not-so-subtly letting me know he wanted to KISS-kiss me, but me being the nervous little shit I am didn't really know what to do. It'd been two whole years since I even attempted to make out with someone!! ☆ 4

So he had to move even closer and he said, which I'll never forget: "you're so shy", which I wasn't surprised about, it's not common for a 22 year old to be that reserved, I guess, but with a little bit of patience that single moment turned into the best first kiss I've ever had. I was so scared he'd be a terrible kisser, like I'd experienced before bc that's just a deal breaker for me and everything else about him was so perfect; but boy...was I wrong. We ended up making out for so long that ☆5

Our lips hurt, and he didn't even try to go too far, already noticing that I wasn't the kind of girl to tear off our clothes and start fucking (not that I didn't wish I were lol), so he just held me tight and took me home eventually. God, the memory of his kisses will never leave my mind. To this day I still get butterflies because it was the kind of kiss that makes you feel like your bodies fit together and makes your toes curl :') ☆ 6

im so soft for you and him already :”)))) it’s so sweet that he wasn't afraid of scaring you off and still went for it!! a lot of guys i know are hesitant about dating an inexperienced girl bc they’re scared they will scare her off, and once my friend asked me how he should chase after a girl who has never dated. i literally got so pissed lmao i just said “just fucking treat her like a fucking normal person!!! what are you intending to do that might scare her off???”

We had a third date after that, about a week later. We went out to eat and it was the day he started posting instagram stories with me and tbh I was surprised. In our generation it takes more than just a couple of dates for a guy to 'announce' he's not 'single' anymore. You know, like if he had intention of seeing other girls at the same time he wouldn't be parading me around for everyone to see, which only fed my hopes of him being 'the one' even more ☆ 7

omg yes :/ the dating culture is so complicated lmao like ppl can be going out with different people at the same time and there’s a certain time after which you’re considered exclusive... it’s so tiring tbh

Another week passed and out of the blue he was asking me to meet his parents. He was very lowkey about it; he said he missed me, mentioning they'd returned from NY and asking if we could meet again that night, but "my parents would be there too, is that a problem?" lol. So I said no, obviously, even though I was shitting my pants, I'd never met a boy's parents in that context before but he seemed excited. He picked me up and we drove back to his place where they were waiting for me ☆ 8

I decided I didn't want to read too much into it back then, but still couldn't help but notice that the older borther+fiance had dropped plans to go to dinner with us so 'the whole family would be there to meet me'. Did that mean him bringing a girl home wasn't that common? Was I actually that special? As if I didn't notice myself falling fast and hard for me enough, his whole family welcomed me with huge open arms. His little brother, extroverted as they come at the age of 10 did everything ☆9

To include me in the conversations; the older brother would tell embarrassing stories. The parents, both doctors, both dating since college and pretty much the whole family (fiancee included) were some of the most welcoming people I'd ever met. They treated me like a family member from the very beginning and noticing how nervous I was they would try to make the dinner as easy going as they could. The guy in question, let's call him Jed? Would hold my hand under the table to calm me down ☆ 10

Or rub soothing circles over my the fabric of my jeans to distract me when a family member would embarrass him. I fell in love with his family as fast as I fell in love with him and I just couldn't believe I'd found someone so perfect. We'd make out until our lips were sore and he'd drop me off at home always leaving me with a feeling of sadness that I had to say goodbye. He made me so happy that I started to go out more, meeting my friends I was just in such a good mood because of him ☆ 11

no you must have been so nervous!!!!! i mean i get that he was low key but still... parents are a big deal. i hope his intentions were rly pure and that he was that into you!! but im glad they were nice :”)

I'd even dare to say he made me a better person in ways only I can understand. He'd text me what he was doing or who he was with every day, all the time, even if I didn't ask -which I never did. Sure, he wasn't perfect; sometimes he'd forget we had plans. I have a feeling he lied to me a couple of times but about nothing really major; sometimes he'd be in a bad mood and be sarcastic and annoying af but honestly nothing too bad. All in all I had absolutely nothing to complain about him☆ 12

It wasn't until around a month and a half into the 'relationship' that we went out for drinks and then back to his place that he tried to have sex with me (he'd waited to bring it up more than any other guy I'd ever met lol). I didn't directly tell him I was a virgin, he kinda guessed, and he was more than okay with it, even saying 'I'll wait as long as you want to'; and damn I didn't really want to wait that long, it was just that the time was never right! ☆ 13

At this point we'd both had dinner with his parents several times already. They told me in that household they'd set the habit of having dinner together every night, and were more than happy to let me into their little tradition. At more casual nights we'd sit down and watch some film on netflix, the parents and little brother always moving upstairs at the end and leaving us both alone to make out some more lol. I was even invited to his dad's birthday dinner at a fancy ass restaurant ☆ 14

this is so cute 😭 im just very ugh whenever a guy kinda hints at sex bc dude u gotta make me WANT it not just ask for it :/ but it sounds like he was super respectful!! and tbh im just very bad with other ppl’s parents, but his sounds rly perfect 😭 do such ppl even exist??? i cant even remember the last time i ate w my family :/

So by the third month I already felt part of that family tbh. I'd cooked alongside the mother like lifelong friends, and sat down for coffee after dinner to talk about how fast technology is moving with his dad. His little brother would tell jokes or ask me to teach him some guitar and I think they began to love me as much and as fast as I loved them, honestly. I was even invited to the dog's birthday part lmfao I was just unable to attend but was kindly provided with video memories ☆ 15

Everything was going so perfect, I think we could've lasted so much longer but maybe just the timing wasn't right. I still remember him dearly though, but back then I had my heart broken so bad that I simply wish I'd never met him. What hurt the most was growing so attached to his family and then out of the blue, and without a single chance to say goodbye I never saw any of them again. I should've known life isn't a movie or a book and nothing that starts so well can end just as happily ☆ 16

WHY ARE YOU USING PAST TENSE?????????? NO!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO SHAKEN RIGHT NOW bc this feels like that part in a book where the author’s just leading u towards that horribly devastating ending and that’s exactly what ur doing 😭

The last night I went to his house - btw we never visited MY house because MY family as much as I love them to death aren't as welcoming as his was with me, so until I knew FOR SURE this guy and I were serious, I decided to suggest activities that required not being at my place lol - the whole evening started weirdly. He'd been taking longer than usual to text me, and it was getting too late so I though we just weren't doing anything but he insisted he wanted to see me ☆ 17

And fuck, I wanted to see him to, once or twice a week just wasn't enough anymore and I missed his touch so badly. So I agreed for him to pick me up, even though he kind of strung me along for a few hours. By the time he picked me up I hadn't eaten, not knowing wth we were going to do but he said he'd had dinner before picking me up. Why would he though? He knew we had plans, which usually involved dinner, why not wait for me for eating? Either way, I'd missed him, I wasn't about to fight ☆ 18

We reached his place and his mom was already going upstairs for sleeping along with the little brother; the father was performing a surgery so we were alone at the living room together. He was a little tense and I didn't understand why, he said he was tired because he'd had class up until late and I asked if he just wanted me to leave but he asked me not to; he wanted to see me, he wanted me to stay. We cuddled on the couch and I had to wake him back up several times, growing annoyed ☆ 19

And when the dad got home he quickly got up and pretended to do something in the kitchen. The man had to eat and we had to wait for him to leave to sit back together, the whole situation was awkward af. I was wondering if I should just call a cab and leave, but he insisted not to. At around 2am (it was a friday) while making out he asked if I wanted to go up to his room, to which I said yes. He knew what that meant, so he was excited about it, going upstairs to check if his room was clear ☆ 20

Damn, I hit ask limit again :'( I'll have to leave it here right now but I swear I'll get to the point eventually lol I'm sorry!! also thank you for giving me your patience and space to tell this story, I feel like this way I can tell it without filters about what really happened or how I felt and actually receive honest unbiased opinions

omg i literally cannot believe u ended right there??????? i hate tumblr’s ask limit. im on the edge of my seat right now!!! thank you for taking the time to send me these, im so invested in ur story now its insane!!

come back whenever you have time bb

#answered #long story anon #Anonymous

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