I Want You to Stay (09) | JJK
Pairing:Â Jungkook x (f.) Reader
Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut
Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, attempted assault; use of the term slut in a derogatory way, prior incidence of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts and business/property devt talk thatâs probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; eventual explicit sexual content (specific warnings stated per chapter) (18+)
Chapter Word count:Â 18.4k
Series Masterlist
Status:Â Ongoing
Series summary: Working for Jungkook isnât the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesnât smile, he doesnât appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesnât help that heâs incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. Youâve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.
Playlist đ¶: on the way home
A/N:Â Hiii thank you for being patient, and again for all your love and appreciation for this story. đ„° Updates will continue to take longer as I return to uni. On another note, I hope you enjoy this!
And as always, my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight đ„°
PS. If I canât tag you, pls fix your settings!
Seeing you standing in his kitchen donned in that pastel-colored blouse makes Jungkook stop in his tracks; youâre exactly who he needs to wake him up.Â
Itâs been weeks of vacation, which also means weeks without his usual routine. Itâs striking how being absorbed in his work has altered him in that sense - he looks for the stress, for the long hours, for the isolation thatâs demanded of his job. Perhaps there was just really nothing to look forward to, and work was an excuse for all those things because there wasnât much else going for him. Ironic, considering everything he can do with what he has, yet nothing seems to be what heâs looking for, even if deep down, he knows what it is.
This is something that Hoseok and A-yeong made him realize during the trip as he watched them gush about the pretty streets and marvel at the fjords and immerse themselves in the view of the northern lights.Â
His cousin, the President of the company who makes decisive decisions and conducts press conferences and signs off on billion won projects, is the same man who squealed during a husky ride in Finland, laughed his butt off when he slipped on a glacier, and muttered words of love to his wife as they all watched the bright evening sky over the lake in Norway. There was so much passion in him, something A-yeong mirrored, whether it was about work or his relationships or just about everything in life. Hoseok looked forward to that trip, to that time with his wife, to that break, to seeing the scenery and feeling peace.Â
While Jungkook found himself constantly thinking about the Arts Center and upcoming projects and new design ideas⊠and the one person who connected him to all those - you. It felt like he was rushing towards something because the achievement was the goal, and while he stopped by the mountains and marveled at the water as he sat on the cliffs, his mind was racing, chasing something that he couldnât even grasp.Â
Thatâs how the past six years have been. Perhaps more, he thinks. Maybe 20. Heâs never allowed himself to just be. Quite frankly, he doesnât know who he is outside of what he does; he doesnât know much of how he is outside of being an executive and heir, and so during the moments when he isnât functioning as such, heâs a bit lost, just existing in a place heâs visiting, not knowing how to interact, how to breathe; not knowing how to connect or to be free.
Youâre the bright spot amidst it all. With you around, he still seems to be wandering while stuck in a certain spot, but heâs not alone because youâre there. With you around, thereâs a sense of calmness somehow, with your smile and your presence warming the coldest parts of him that heâs left untouched and unfeeling for years.
So when he walks towards you, his eyes fully opening now to see you better, he hums in satisfaction.Â
âItâs nice to see you again,â he says, prompting you to turn around. âIt feels like itâs been so long.â
âReally, Mr. Jeon? I thought the three weeks felt fast,â you giggle. âBut itâs nice to see you, too. Were you able to rest out there?â
âSomehow,â he replies, taking the glass of water you give him.
âIs that why you passed on your morning workout to sleep in?â You raise an eyebrow, thinking that heâd slept in when you walked into his penthouse earlier without the usual sounds from the gym that youâd gotten used to.
âI was pretty jet lagged,â he groans. âCouldnât sleep so I did it last night to tire myself out and then I finally fell asleep three hours ago. Itâs a miracle I woke up after the tenth snooze of my alarm.â
âOoh, that is not good, considering all the documents on your desks and messages on your inbox,â you shake your head. âWhat if I move the team meeting to tomorrow so you donât push yourself too hard today? You couldâve taken the day off.â
âAnd have a worse day tomorrow? No thanks,â he chuckles. âIâm fine, but I agree with moving the meeting.â
âJust take it slow,â you advise. âI brought some pastries because I know your fridge and pantry are empty. Iâll get them ready shortly.â
âIâll wash up then.â
You follow not long after, preparing his outfits for the second half of the week, then setting out the breakfast for both of you. He returns to the kitchen wearing the brown suit you chose for today, looking just as handsome as you remember. You fix his tie like you always do and meet his eyes like itâs reflex, the warmth bubbling within you when he returns your soft smile. You take your seat a chair away, taking your iPad after to start going through updates when he stops you.
âNot yet, please. My mindâs still half asleep.â
âOkay, sir,â you respond. âWe can talk about your trip instead. How was it?â
Jungkook finds himself more engaged in telling you about it, not like how he was when his best friends met him for dinner last night and he was too tired to narrate how it went. But you ask with such excitement that he ends up sharing more than what he planned.
He talks about the Vikings museum and historical tours, the bike rides and coastal walks, the calm but lively cities and the breathtaking waterfalls. He even mentions the things heâd only kept to himself - like that one evening when the sky looked like one of Lee Jaeminâs paintings that had him staying at the balcony with a glass of wine while basking in its beauty, and when they were in Hans Christian Andersenâs hometown and he wondered what kind of fairytale character he would be, and that he learned he really enjoys hot springs during the winter. Theyâre random thoughts that he just ended up saying, somehow feeling natural and comfortable in sharing them with you.Â
You indulge him, asking more and sharing your thoughts, too. You even throw in the occasional teasing remark and playful laughter. You ask about the scenery, expressing your yearning for the outdoors that you said you never really appreciated before, as the open space always overwhelmed you.
He passes you his iPad where heâs opened the folder of the photos that he took with his camera, a gift from Taehyung whoâd said that Jungkook needed to go out more and âfeel the sun.â He rarely used it but a Northern Europe trip seemed like the perfect excuse. Heâs used to assessing interiors and marveling at structures from afar, but this time he got to appreciate what lies beyond his walls, beyond the little world heâs been burrowing himself in.
âThese are stunning, Jungkook,â you gush, dropping the formalities as he shares something that feels so personal. âI didnât know you had the talent for photography, too.â
âI wouldnât call it a talent,â he shakes his head. âI took it as an elective during university and it helps with design ideas. I should at least take nice photos if I need inspiration or a basis. I donât really do it much, though.âÂ
âDid it make you feel good, at least?â You ask, wondering what else gives him satisfaction.
âSomehow. It makes me feel good when Iâm looking at the pictures. Iâm transported to that day and that place again, like a holder of memories and desire for the good things.â
You go through the photos - dozens of them. He didnât take too many, just one or two shots of every scenery. Beyond the majestic landscape, there are the everyday scenes - people talking at a cafe, strangers enjoying the park. Thereâs a couple holding hands, laughing at each other; from the silhouettes, you can tell theyâre Hoseok and A-yeong, a moment that Jungkook probably thought too precious to not capture.Â
Something in you stirs, as the photos elicit a mix of awe and yearning. You look at Jungkook and you think itâs what he felt, too.Â
Thereâs a saying you heard about watching what people photograph to learn what they fear losing. With Jungkook, it seems as if these - freedom, tranquility, connection, intimacy - are things he wants; somehow they seem to be what he fears having.Â
âItâs nice to have a keeper of good memories, isnât it? Of that reminder that beautiful things exist and that theyâre tangible, you know?â You say, returning his gadget.Â
âIt is,â he responds after a beat of silence, seemingly processing your words. âWe forget sometimes. Or maybe, we just donât know what thatâs like. In that case itâs like an illusion. But itâs still good to have that, I guess. Itâs still something.â
You donât know what more could be said. It feels too personal or even intimate of a conversation to have with your boss on a Wednesday morning as you eat breakfast in his apartment. So you let it go, smiling as you say youâre glad he got to have some rest.Â
He says that so does he and then asks about how your holiday was as you both head to the car. You talk about it during the ride, how you spent a week in Wando with your motherâs partnerâs family and then drove to Jeonju, how the entirety of your break had you stuffing your face with food and bonding with them, and how they drove you back to Seoul last weekend, thankful that for those two weeks, they had you around.
You donât tell Jungkook that some days, youâd think of him, wondering how heâs doing. You donât tell him that youâd seen A-yeongâs posts and that he looked at peace in them, that there was a softness in his eyes that youâve rarely seen on him. You donât tell him that despite the vacation that you said you were looking forward to, you were also looking forward to this - having him back, sharing stories, and living in the silence alongside him.
You wonder, as you glance at him looking out the window, if this is what you meant about savoring the moment, enjoying whatâs in front of you, and feeling less alone. Because right now, those are exactly what you feel.Â
Jungkook wanted to wait to get to the office before proceeding to work matters, something that surprises you because he always gets down to business immediately, not unless heâs recovering from a hangover. But he blew you off even in the car, wanting instead to listen to your stories and then doodle on his leather notebook again for the rest of the ride. You end up meeting with him for an hour before he settles in, then he goes to lunch with his father, meets with your team, and then decides to visit the Arts Center mid-afternoon.Â
Work is back in full-swing just like that, and you pull the energy from within you to manage the crazy week. There are start-of-the-year events to attend and organize, a board report and meeting to prepare for, new projects to initiate, and a major one to monitor.Â
Youâre glad that despite all that, Jungkook allows you to have a four-day off on the succeeding week so you can celebrate your birthday with a road trip down coastal towns with Jimin and Soomin. Itâs a silly thing to do in the middle of winter, but they insist that warmth is most satisfying when itâs cold outside, and you donât disagree. Youâll definitely be sighing in relief when you hold the steaming hot hotteok in between your hands, and itâll be the best one youâll have.Â
Itâs Thursday and youâll be back in a week. Youâve just finished briefing Do-hyun, whoâll be covering for you while youâre away, and you get off your chair to grab tea in the pantry. Jungkookâs voice stops as you, as he stands by his door and asks if youâre already leaving.
âIn an hour, Mr. Jeon,â you reply. âIs there anything I can help you with until then?â
âNo, nothing,â he says. âIâm actually about to leave for dinner with Taehyung and Seokjin.â
âOh, alright, sir,â you hum. âGoodbye, then. And Iâll see you next week. Just know that youâre the only one who can disturb me.â
He laughs in response. âCome on, I wonât be badgering you, especially on your birthday. Itâs your one week away from me. You have to savor it.â
âSo should you,â you counter. âBut okay. I will.â
âGood,â he nods. âIâll just fix up and go ahead then.â
He returns to his room and youâre just the tiniest bit disappointed that he didnât properly greet you but you suppose thatâs good for you. So you go to the pantry and end up chit-chatting with the team, finding yourself smiling when you look up and see Jungkook by the door, who tells everyone not to stay too late before he heads out.Â
You arrive back at your desk, your heart beating fast at the sight of a small brown bag on your table.Â
For your trip. Something to help remind you that beautiful things exist and theyâre tangible, the note reads. Happy birthday.Â
Your mind goes to a conversation you had not long ago, about how photos can elicit certain emotions and be a keeper of memories, especially of good ones. You know this is from Jungkook, and you also have an idea of what this might be, which is why you open the package right away.
Still, it catches you by surprise, especially when you find two disposable film cameras inside. Theyâll definitely be enough for your upcoming trip and you know the photos will come out amazingly. Youâre ecstatic.Â
Perhaps this is why he wanted to leave before you did - youâd thank him and heâd be terrible at accepting it again, then youâll call him out for it. Maybe it was good he hadnât stuck around to see you act this way. At least he didnât see you with that silly smile on your face.
But Yoongi does as you head down the elevator, smirking at you when he sees the bag youâre holding and the familiar handwriting on the card.
âIâm guessing youâre not fighting it anymore, huh?â He says, teasing yet somehow still comforting.Â
âIâm trying not to, even if I know Iâm being stupid,â you admit. âI can at least have these fleeting moments of joy after I walk away from this.â
âRetain the good memories. Thatâs one way to let things go,â Yoongi advises, as he exits the carriage on the parking lot floor.
The doors close on your smiling face, and he chuckles to himself at the irony of things. Thatâs how he learned to let you go, after all.
You return to work the following week with a spring in your step, with Jungkook noticing as you heat up the fried rice that you told him youâd be preparing for breakfast. You hum as you go about in the kitchen, feeling energized after the last few days youâve had.Â
It was freezing, but you, Soomin, and Jimin went a little crazy and ran down the beach whenever you drove by one, something you all did as kids living in Busan. The drives from town to town were slow but they had you all singing to your favorite songs, munching on chestnuts and bungeoppang, and stopping over viewing sites for fresh air and photos.Â
You used Jungkookâs gift a lot, taking pictures of things that elicited strong emotions and good memories - purple and orange skies, snow melting on the pavement, the crashing ocean waves turning white at the tip, an empty playground in the park, Soominâs infectious laughter, Jiminâs angelic smile.Â
The cold was an excuse to seek your best friendsâ warmth and they took advantage of it. It reminded you of those few years growing up with them before you returned to Daegu for college, something you and Jimin reminisced about, and something that you thanked him for after what seemed like ages. You recalled how he approached you first as the new girl who entered school in the middle of the school year, how he followed you around because you were always alone and was scared of loud noises, and how heâs never left your side since then.Â
Every night during that trip, he hugged you as you tried to fall asleep, knowing you needed it for the cold you felt inside and out. He was next to you when you talked about Jungkook gifting you the cameras and admitted that it made you feel good, that it made you happy.
âIâm glad heâs showing you kindness,â Jimin had said. âBut⊠just be careful, okay? Your heart is capable of a lot of good things. Pain is the last thing it deserves.â
âI donât really know what my heart is capable of,â you replied. âMy brain does the hurting but my heart⊠I donât know what it does. I donât know how it works.âÂ
It left him speechless then and somehow, you were glad that he just held you tighter, only because it was the only way you wanted to be comforted at that moment. But you also knew that whatever your heart ended up doing or experiencing, Jimin and Soomin would be there to help you make sense of it, to pick up the pieces should they need to.
âIt seems as though your birthday rejuvenated you, ___,â Jungkook disrupts your thoughts. âYou look much lighter and relaxed.â
âOnly because I havenât checked my emails nor taken new instructions from you,â you laugh as you serve the fried rice in bowls then head towards him. You fix his suit again and speak casually like youâve gotten used to. âOnce I open that iPad and see what I have to deal with, relaxed would be the last thing Iâll be.â
âFair enough,â he chuckles. âLet me savor this then.â
His words catch you off guard and they prompt you to meet his eyes - soft yet piercing, then he turns shy and turns away from you. Perhaps heâs surprised at what heâd said, too.
âWork is stressful and your calmness rubs off on me most times,â he says nonchalantly. âWeâve got a busy few days ahead and I want that calmness to linger.â
âIt will,â you assure him. âAnd yes, I feel rejuvenated, and thatâll probably last me for days so that will linger, even if Iâm stressed, so don't worry. Youâre gonna do well. I donât doubt it one bit.â
Jungkookâs meeting the Culture Minister next week to present the Arts Centerâs plans and activities leading to its opening to the public, which is why you think he needs that calmness as well. The team has been helping him with the preparations and while you felt bad that you didnât get to contribute as much, he assured you that all the notes you left him have been instrumental.Â
But still, his words affect you. Is this calm and relaxed version of you all he wants to savor? Does it mean anything more?Â
The thoughts wander away as you have breakfast with him, and he asks if you wish to talk about work later on but you insist that youâre mentally ready for it all. Heâs the one who gives you updates this time, and just like that, youâre back to your usual routine.
You glance at his plate, all clean right after because even this dish, he savors. And you realize that doing things for him, no matter how simple, makes you happy, too, especially when his lips turn up in a small smile and he nods in satisfaction.
âGood, huh?â You wiggle your eyebrows.Â
âItâs infinitely better than mine,â he hums.
âSo, itâs really, really, really good then?â
âYou donât even know how mine tastes like.â
âTrue. But Taehyung said once that yours was really delicious and Iâll take his word for it. Seokjin agreed and I believe them.â
âWow, really? Thatâs a rare moment where they praise me,â Jungkook laughs.Â
âYou should savor that, too.â
âI should. Heavens know the last time that happened. And when itâll happen again.â
âThatâs kind of hard though, isnât it?â You say, being a bit reflective as you go back to your daily routine after a trip that you wholly enjoyed. âSavoring things⊠capturing them, appreciating them. Like, you have to be in the moment, you have to be present, and thatâs not easy to do.â
âIt isnât,â he responds after a while. âYou have to care enough for something to be worth savoring, I guess.â
âExactly. But how do you do that when everything is temporary - things, feelings⊠people. Not all of them are meant to stay,â you reply, meeting his eyes as they seem to be in deep thought.
âMaybe they will⊠if you ask them to,â he softly says.
âThat depends.â
âOn what?â He asks.
âIf they have a reason to,â you shrug.Â
Your faraway eyes tell him that youâre in deep thought, perhaps processing the exchange that even Jungkook canât fully wrap his head around. But you turn to him not long after, smiling as you take the plates to clean up, as if youâd just snapped out of a trance, of a moment of honesty.Â
He watches you from his seat. Thereâs an aura about you that truly feels more relaxed, yet there seems to be an added layer of pensiveness, of deep thinking that could easily be mistaken for savoring the moment when you might be questioning it, perhaps wondering if itâs real⊠or worth caring about in the first place.
Even until now, he doesnât know what it is about you that has him hanging on to every word you say, like itâs some secret message or code to learning who you are and what your fears and pains and hopes and dreams might be.Â
In the past months, his moments with you have allowed him a peek inside - thereâs this yearning for something that youâre not ready for; thereâs this knowledge of the fleeting nature of the world that you want to capture as memories because thatâs the only way you can make them stay; thereâs this desire for companionship that terrifies you more than anything. Â
But then again, as he sees that soft courage in your eyes, maybe he knows why - he has the same fears as you, and perhaps thatâs terrifying, too, as he realizes that much of what heâs scared of is tangible.Â
He fears the emptiness left in your absence and the silence surrounding him when youâre gone. His trip over the holidays made him think so; this past week when you were away solidified it. Thereâs a lot of you to miss. Heâs unsure how to deal with these thoughts and feelings; he doesnât know how to move forward and be professional when you affect him this way. All he can hope for is that youâll always find a reason to stay close to him, that youâll always find a reason to want him around, and that every moment you share is something worth it enough for you to savor but that you both never have to let go.
You think about the conversation with Jungkook later that night on your way home. Thereâs something about the impermanence of the world thatâs always scared you; things break and wither away all the time and you fear the loss in their absence. Perhaps itâs because youâve experienced various types of losses throughout your years of living.Â
You lost that childhood innocence the first time you saw your mother cry, then when her smile that finally returned was wiped off, and then when her hopeful eyes became filled with tears out of fear. You lost that comfort of a routine when you left Seoul at 10 years old, and then that stability when you said goodbye to your life in Busan. You lost that security when you decided to come back here with a dream tucked away, burdened with a debt and a past that you couldnât escape. You lost that feeling of freedom when your favorite library closed, and then of safety during that night at the restaurant when you were hurt and exposed.Â
Itâs hard to savor things when you know youâll lose them one day. But thatâs also precisely why you should, as what these past months have been showing you, you think now. The absence reminds you that something good was in its place, and that at one point in time, it made you hope that you deserved it, that you were worthy of having it.Â
But as you lay in bed that night and think of how much of Jungkook you thought about while you were away, you start to think that maybe things arenât as temporary as you once believed. He was in the icy streets that you walked on and the warmth of the hot chocolate drink you had. He was in the drizzle on the playground that you wiped off and the touch of the leather notebook you saw at one of the shops.Â
And perhaps that was the difference - you didnât just stand by; somehow it felt like you connected with them - they were tangible, within your grasp, and that made them linger, that made them feel real. In your mind, thatâs where they stayed.
The tail-end of winter marks the time when youâve settled in the new year. All your backlog from the holidays and your short birthday break have been worked on. Operational plans and goals for the year have been finalized. The Board report and meeting are over and major events have been scheduled. Things are picking up now as the Arts Center is near its completion, with the consequent promotions and marketing on full speed. That last bit has been contracted to a subsidiary company but Jungkook is still on top of most things, which means that so are you.Â
You accompany him to meetings with different departments regularly, and thatâs on top of monitoring the other small projects that the VP office is working on, which is also on top of supporting Jungkookâs executive functions. In a blink of an eye, youâre back to the hustle and bustle nature of your job, and youâre reminded of why itâs been so hard to get out of it, and also why you canât wait to do so.Â
Thereâs just so much going on all at once, and given how you are, you give all of yourself to it because itâs the only way to get things done; itâs the only way to get through it without feeling like youâre taking for granted all that youâve been given and achieved. But it also means youâve lost the sense of meaning of most other things, and you wanna be able to do something that means something to you, something of good memories, of beautiful things that are tangible that you can touch and feel.Â
You let go of the thoughts when Do-hyun and Yohan pop in your area to say goodbye. Itâs another long night for everyone and youâre glad that they finally listened to you and decided to go home. You say that you still have a couple of things to work on when they insist that they walk you to the bus stop, telling them once more that youâll be fine.Â
âItâs forecasted to rain soon,â Do-hyun informs you.Â
âIâll get a cab, donât worry,â you assure them. âFinance needs these files first thing tomorrow morning and weâve got that ocular at 8. Thank you though.âÂ
âFine, but let us know when youâre home, okay?â She says.
âI will. Get home safely, you two.â
You get back to work, and with the peace and quiet in the office with you being the last one here, you manage to finish what you need to in an hour and then finally call it a night. You head out and sigh to yourself once you see the lightning strike, knowing that it wouldnât be long before the rain will begin to pour. You manage to bring out your umbrella by the time it does, then turn at the corner to look for a cab so you can avoid those whoâll be hailing from the main road.Â
There are a few people who have the same idea as you, and itâs after some time before you spot one, with the driver slowing down once he sees you. But right as you start speed walking towards it, some man decides to get ahead, running past you and bumping you in the process, causing you to lose your balance. The wet pavement doesnât help, as you slip on your foot and fall to the ground. You try to get up but jerk in pain when you do, realizing that youâd hurt your ankle, a foreign feeling that has you immediately worrying.Â
After all the times youâd found yourself under the rain, this is the worst moment of all - youâre hurting, all alone, and completely worn out. Youâve had a really long day and you donât have the energy for this; all you want is to go home and have some rest. But you know thereâs no other way, so you shift on your bum, manage to get up and strain your arms in the process, then you limp to the nearest post you can find using your umbrella as a walking stick then stand on one foot.
The rain has weakened a little, so youâre at least not getting even more wet, but itâs still winter and youâve started to freeze. There are no other cabs in sight and all ride-hailing apps have been such a pain to book. Knowing that itâll be tough to get home in any way at this stage and that you wonât be able to manage on your own, you decide to call Mr. Ri. Heâs always told you that if you need help for anything, heâs another person that you could call.
Itâs half past 8 in the evening. Youâre banking on him being on the way home after having dropped Jungkook off at his building after a dinner meeting at 5:30.
âHey, ___. Is everything alright?â Mr. Ri asks, knowing you rarely call at this hour.Â
âNot really,â you sigh, the shiver in your voice evident. âHave you dropped Jungkook off?â
âNot yet. But what do you mean, not really? What happened?â
âAre you driving?â
âNo. Iâm still waiting for him to finish. Tell me, are you in danger?â He presses, and you hear the worry in his voice.Â
You told him about Chi-won some weeks after it happened, and Mr. Ri, having known you for many years, knows youâre not one to usually reach out. Heâs made it a point to check on you regularly, and calls like this would definitely ring some alarm bells.Â
âIâm not in danger but I hurt myself,â you say, quickly appeasing him that itâs probably just a sprained ankle and not that serious. âI just canât get any ride and I can barely walk. I was hoping you were on the way home.â
âIâm not but Iâll go get you, okay? Iâll tell Jungkook and weâll drive to you right away.â
âMr. Ri, heâs in a meeting!âÂ
âThatâs most likely over and now theyâre just chatting over drinks,â he reasons. âIâll get him. You know heâll want me to.â
âYou donât know that,â you stammer.
âYou werenât there with him the days after what happened that night at the restaurant, ___,â he huffs. âI just knew it was really bad because of how worried he was, and heâs never been that way. So yes, I know heâll want me to get his ass out of there and be on the way to you. Plus, Iâm sure heâll fire me if I donât.â
âFine,â you concede. âJust donât make it sound so bad because it really isnât.â
âYou know I canât control how that kid reacts,â he hums. âJust send me your location.â
Mr. Ri heads out of the driverâs lounge and rushes to the restaurant where he manages to send a message to Jungkook that youâre stranded somewhere with possibly a sprained ankle. He says it as it is, knowing that Jungkook wonât need much to decide on ending the meeting and go to you, which he does right away.
âWhat happened?â He asks the older man as they both walk towards the basement parking.
âI donât know. I didnât ask any more questions,â Mr. Ri responds. âSheâs somewhere near the office. Weâll be there in 20 minutes.â
âTry for 15,â Jungkook instructs.
He calls you right after and he immediately picks up on your chattering teeth.
âHey, ___. How are you feeling?â
Youâre a little surprised when Jungkook calls this soon, and with how youâre trying to move past whatever attraction you have towards the man, this really isnât helping.
âJust⊠cold. My umbrella flew away,â you laugh. âThe windâs picked up and I think itâs gonna rain again.â
Just as you say so, it starts, and you pick up on the change in Jungkookâs voice. Youâve since learned that heâs not fond of it, always closing his eyes and trying to tune everything out with even just a drizzle. But he continues talking and asks what happened, trying to keep you company. You narrate the incident and attempt to play it off as something minor, although the longer you stay leaning against the post, the more pain youâre starting to feel.Â
âWeâre five minutes away. Weâll be there soon,â he assures you then drops the call.
Jungkook clenches his fist and closes his eyes as the rain continues to pour. With the sound of the thunder, he jerks in his seat like he always does, but he pushes forward, knowing you need his help. He takes deep breaths just as heâs learned to do, and not long after, Mr. Ri informs him that he sees you just meters away.
The car slows down and Jungkook looks outside the window. He can see you leaning against a pole on one foot, drenched and shivering, your eyes closed as you wait for them to arrive. He meets Mr. Riâs eyes in the rear view mirror as they halt, and with the rain just barely stopping, the older man nods and exits the car.
Jungkook watches from inside as Mr. Ri runs to you. He sees the smile on your face despite the droplets on the window. The older man takes your bag then helps you walk, leading you to the car where Jungkook manages to push the door open.Â
You slowly enter with as much energy you can muster, wincing in pain when you have to adjust your foot inside. You sigh in relief as you feel the warmth and dryness of the car, prompting you to apologize for getting it all wet.
âDonât worry about it,â Jungkook shakes his head. âWeâll take you to the hospital, okay? And I wonât accept no for an answer.â
You nod in agreement, knowing that much as youâre causing him inconvenience right now, youâre too tired to argue. You lean your head by the window and try to catch your breath.Â
âHave you had dinner? He asks.
âNot yet. I was supposed to grab it on the way home.â
âWeâll pass by somewhere after the hospital.â
âOkay,â you look at him and smile.Â
Jungkook isnât surprised when you donât counter him. Perhaps itâs the exhaustion, as he sees it in how your smile isnât as bright as what heâs used to, with it fading as you turn away. Youâre still shivering though, despite the car heater being turned up. He doesnât have a towel to dry you up, though, so he instead removes his coat and instructs you to lean forward so he can place it over your shoulders to warm your back. He takes his puffer jacket from the front seat and puts it over your lap right after, giving you warmth there, too.Â
âIs that better?â He asks.
âYeah,â you mouth. âThank you.â
His scent wafts through your senses, allowing you to breathe and feel all of him at once. Itâs the closest thing to tangible comfort youâve gotten from him, and you hate how good it feels.
Youâre just about to fall asleep when the car comes to a stop. The rain has subsided and perhaps thatâs why soon after, you hear Jungkook open his door and then your door, too. He removes his coat over your back, placing it back inside, then he holds onto your forearms to help you climb out. He takes his jacket and instructs you to wear it, giggling at how youâre being swallowed in it.
âI look ridiculous,â you pout as you sit on the wheelchair that heâs asked the nurse to get.
âJust a little,â he teases.
He walks next to you as youâre wheeled inside the hospital, staying close by when you explain to the ER doctor what happened. She assesses your foot and lower leg, diagnosing you with a sprained ankle like you expected, and proceeds to wrap it in elastic bandage.Â
She treats the minor scratches on your palms you got from the fall then writes you a prescription for painkillers. Jungkook takes it so he can buy them for you after, then he helps you settle the bill with your insurance.Â
Youâre quite uncomfortable - youâre still a little wet and the bandage feels foreign around your foot. But youâre also feeling a bit shy, now that Jungkook is the one pushing the wheelchair towards the pharmacy nearby. He parks you at the side while he buys the medicine, and as you look on, you canât help the relief mixed with giddiness that you feel despite the pain thatâs close to overtaking you.
He stands by the counter with his white dress shirt slightly untucked and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hands are in his pockets while he waits for the pharmacist to return, and amidst everything thatâs going on, youâre still able to admire how overwhelmingly handsome he looks, especially given what heâs doing right now for you. His side view is quite blinding, so youâre slightly embarrassed when he turns around and calls your name again after you missed it the first few times.
âDazed and tired?â He asks as he walks back to you with a pack of medicines.
âDefinitely,â you say, which isnât a lie; itâs just not the whole truth. âI just want to eat and have a nice bath and then sleep.â
âAnd youâll do all that soon,â he assures you. âWeâll pass by whateverâs open on the way to your place. Just make sure you donât have the hot water on, okay? And then elevate your foot when you sleep.â
âYes, I heard everything she said,â you playfully roll your eyes.Â
âIncluding the full-on rest thatâs required of you for the next few days?â He raises an eyebrow. âBecause thatâs what youâre gonna have. Youâre on leave until youâre able to walk properly again, Ms. Cho.â
âSo now youâre being formal,â you tease, flashing him a playful smile. âBut yes, Mr. Jeon. The instructions are understood.â
âGood,â he laughs softly. âGlad youâre not being stubborn about it.â
âOh, not with this one, not when Iâm this tired and in this much pain.â
His look turns sullen at the admission of what youâre feeling and you wish he didnât feel this bad. But you canât deny the way itâs giving you butterflies, prompting you to scold yourself internally because learning how caring he is isnât exactly what you need to get over a crush. This is definitely the worst part about being injured, you decide.Â
You make it out of the hospital and he helps you again as you enter the car, sliding in next to you as he ensures that youâre warm.Â
You pass by a noodle house on the way, and he buys you some more food for the next day despite your insistence that he didnât have to. But youâre too tired to argue some more, and you doze off a little during the drive to your apartment, with your half-awake self mumbling your apology about taking up his time.
Jungkook playfully shakes his head. Knowing youâre probably shallow sleep-talking, he disregards your words. He just gets glimpses of you, comforted to know that youâre at least getting the most rest you can have, given your current state. The painkillers will kick in soon and thatâll help you sleep better, but right now, he wishes he could do more for you.Â
In the deepest crevices of his heart, he wants to hold your still shivering hands and maybe hug your trembling body. He wants to stay with you until youâre warm and comfortable in your bed, perhaps assure you in whatever way that youâre not alone, that thereâs help whenever you need it. He canât imagine how it wouldâve been like for you being under the rain, cold and hurt with no one around.Â
On second thought, he can, and thatâs the thing about it. Even if you get out of it with just a sprained ankle - considering how much worse it couldâve been - itâs still terrifying being alone and powerless, paralyzed on the spot and not knowing if anyone will show up. He wants nothing more than for you to get over that and be able to move past it because he knows how haunting it could be; he knows how restraining such memories are.
But he also knows that thereâs not much he could do - not with the unnamed feelings he canât express, and not with the line he still believes he shouldnât cross.
So he settles for glances and soft smiles at your fluttering eyes and slightly parted mouth. You look tired but peaceful; he thinks itâs quite endearing. It also feels intrusive so he looks away, out into the streets that heâs able to somehow see now. He thinks about the timing of it all - your late night and his dinner out, your injury and the bad weather. Heâs thankful that the rain subsided and that allowed him to help you as much as he was able to, and that he got to you in the first place.
You arrive at your apartment with you now fully awake, and Jungkook heads to your side right away. Pulling you out of the car requires more strength from him, and despite your terrible condition, the butterflies appear once more when he instructs you to hold onto him for support. You have to act unaffected when you feel his broad shoulders and taut arms, with your hands gingerly laying on them; you wonder if he feels anything, too, under the thin material of his dress shirt.Â
His left hand only grazes your waist but his hold tightens after you grant him permission, perhaps knowing that it would be harder for you if he holds you that loose, he asked you to put your weight on him after all. Despite your agreement, you still hold in your breath, a silly attempt at slowing down your quickening heartbeat. Heâs never been this close, and youâre unsure if you want him to be anywhere else.
You suspend your thoughts for the shortest of seconds until you both manage to get up the few steps to your door. Mr. Ri helps in unlocking it, and you settle on the dining chair that Jungkook pulls out for you after you both enter.
As you release a breath and watch him look around, itâs then you realize that your boss - the Jeon Corporation Vice President who lives in a penthouse in an exclusive district in Seoul - is in your tiny studio apartment thatâs literally just the size of his bedroom. Youâre not ashamed one bit but you are a little shy, so you jokingly welcome him to your âlittle mansion.â
âItâs nice,â he hums, looking around some more, which he doesnât need to move to do.Â
The small round dining table, the off-the-wall kitchen, and the three-seater couch are all in the open living space. Thereâs a half-wall that separates your sleeping area, with your double bed against it and the tiniest of balconies just off of it.Â
Youâre quite proud of what youâve made of the place, with the plants in the corners, some chic art pieces on the walls, and photos with your friends and family on stick-on frames resting on the shelves. Itâs cozy and comfortable for you, and you feel quite proud when Jungkookâs lips turn up when you respond that youâre happy here when he asks.
âItâs everything I need,â you hum. âAnd itâs in a safe part of town. My neighbors are older couples who are all kind.â
âThatâs good,â he says, turning to you. âWill they be much help to you while you recover?â
âIâll be okay,â you insist. âI have a crutch. Iâve got food to heat up, and my place is so small that I donât have to move around to get things done. I donât really need help, you know?â
He scrunches his eyebrows, seemingly unconvinced.Â
âWatch,â you say, your shallow confidence pushing you to grab the crutch next to you then using it to walk towards him so you could prove that youâre capable enough to look after yourself.Â
But your unfamiliarity with it leads you to mistime your step. Before you know it, youâre tripping on your foot and losing your balance, and as your life is about to flash before your eyes thinking that youâre gonna fall once again and make your injury worse, Jungkookâs reflex kicks in and he steps forward to catch you. You feel his grip on your waist gradually tighten as if to keep you steady, as if to make sure youâre alright. Heâs so close, you can feel his breath as he pants, the worried look on his face something youâre familiar with by now. But he stays there, inches away, and so do you.Â
Heâs bending, so he stays leveled with you. You can see his long eyelashes resting on his honeyed skin and the endearing curve of his nose. He looks so soft like this, comfortable even, with his big round eyes looking like the most innocent ones youâve ever seen.
The voice in your head suddenly becomes loud enough and you break his gaze, realizing then that youâre also clutching onto his shoulder for support. You give him a look of apology but he just laughs, something youâre thankful for because the last thing you want is for the tension to thicken.
âYouâre stubborn, arenât you? You think itâs that easy?â He shakes his head, his tone sounding like heâs both teasing and reprimanding you.
âIt seemed like it,â you shrug, allowing him to help you back on the seat, disregarding the slightest bit of giddiness you feel as he has one hand on your free arm while the other ghosts over your waist in case you fall again.
âItâs not. And I know this because Iâve used this before,â he says. âSo since youâll be by yourself, we have to make sure you can at least use the crutch without falling, okay?â
âFine,â you concede, listening to his instructions carefully then trying to do it on your own.Â
It takes some getting used to, but after a few tries, you manage to at least walk without tripping. You plan on just staying in bed or on the couch tomorrow anyway so youâre not that worried. Even if Jungkook still seems to be.
âIâm okay,â you insist. âIâm gonna survive. But you should head home. Itâs getting late and you have that ocular in the morning. Iâll just have to email Chin-sun about accompanying you andââ
âNone of that,â he interjects. âIâll be the one to tell her and I donât want you worrying about work tomorrow, okay? Youâre gonna take your medicine and just rest.â
âYouâre demanding, arenât you?â You raise an eyebrow.
âOnly when Iâm dealing with someone as stubborn as you,â he counters.Â
You just laugh at him answering back, enjoying your banter more than you should, then he says that heâll go ahead, for as long as youâre sure you can manage. It takes another five minutes until he makes it out the door. But before he disappears, you call his name, your heart skipping a beat when he turns around, as if heâs just hanging onto your every word.
âThank you,â you say. âI know it was a long day and it was raining but⊠you still came for me.â
âJust recover quickly, okay? Iâll check on you in the morning.â
You nod and he leaves. And just like that, youâre once again on your own - damp, injured, and extremely tired. Jungkookâs presence remains in your apartment though, and there he is again, making you smile and making you feel things you shouldnât.
You donât mind being alone. In fact, you enjoy it. But during the times when you donât want to be, he just happens to be there. And being the stubborn woman that you are, deep down, you like it that he is, that in your own little world with the walls up so high, heâs become a frequent visitor. Youâre just not sure if you want him to stay just yet.Â
You wake up the next morning feeling faint and sore, and itâs probably the painkillers having lost their effect. And thereâs a reason why, seeing that itâs close to midday when you finally get out of bed. You manage to stand and walk to the kitchen with no issues, and you take your medication and heat up the food that Jungkook bought for you last night. Itâs when youâre seated that he calls, bringing that smile to your otherwise uneventful day.
âHello?â
âHey, ___. How are you feeling?â He asks.
âJust fine. I took my medicines for the day and Iâm about to eat lunch,â you reply. âAnd you? How was the ocular?â
âIt was good. It has a lot of potential so Iâll run down the details with the teams and propose it. But speaking of sites, remember what I said about Hoseok and I thinking of a Scandinavian-inspired mid-rise in the mountains?â
âYeah, the one you came up with during your trip. Are you gonna push through with it soon?â
âPerhaps. Iâve gotten emails of proposed sites for some other projects but Iâve seen a few that could work with this idea,â he shares. âThereâs one in Gangwon thatâs near the town center so it would be practical for many. Thereâs evenâ ah, why am I saying this to you now? Youâre off the clock.â
âItâs okay,â you assure him. Jungkook doesnât always show this much excitement with the projects he has to manage so when he does, you encourage him. Itâs also an excuse to hear more of his voice. âMy mindâs not prepared for being home today anyway so Iâm a little disoriented. But thatâs good. I can look into the sites and we can do an ocular whenever you prefer.â
âAlright, thatâs something to schedule for next month. But uh, you sure youâre fine? Does your ankle still hurt? Did you get proper sleep?â
âWell, I slept like a baby,â you giggle. âAnd I at least remained in one position. It still hurts a bit but it should be okay in the next few days. Iâm just gonna have to replace the bandage tomorrow morning.â
âOkay. Just make sure to ice it and keep it elevated.â
âYes, boss,â you tease, earning you a groan. âBut uh, thank you for checking up on me. I know youâve got a busy day ahead.â
Heâs silent, and you suppose itâs him again not knowing how to respond to gratitude, so you follow it up by saying that youâll eat your meal now and reminding him of his meeting at 2PM.
âYou better not be checking your emails and my calendar right now,â he warns.
âIâm not. I just memorize your schedule,â you defend.
âOkay then, Iâll go ahead.â
Jungkook drops the call and sinking in his seat, he sighs in relief. He managed to get through that conversation without sounding extremely worried, which is what heâs been since last night. His busy day today actually includes constantly worrying about how youâre doing, but he supposes itâs too much to let you know. Sure itâs just a sprained ankle, but knowing how you tend to move about, anything can happen. You were all alone for some time last night, too, just waiting for a way to get home. And thatâs another thing he worries about - that fear latching onto you, that helplessness weighing you down.
He asks Mr. Ri if heâs heard from you, thinking that youâd probably be more honest with him, but the older man says you told him the same thing.
âDonât you believe her?â Mr. Ri wonders.
âI do, but sheâs quite stubborn though,â Jungkook laments.Â
âWell, Iâve known her for a while and she tends to just deal with things on her own,â Mr. Ri says.
âBut she shouldnât. Sheâs injured.â
âI think itâs natural for people whoâve been alone for many years to be that way,â the older man shrugs. âI mean, youâre the same.â
Jungkook doesnât disagree. And if youâre truly anything like him, then youâd just push through the pain and force it to stop hurting so you can go back to your normal busy life because doing so keeps you from thinking of how lonely it feels when youâre sick or hurt and thereâs no one around. Itâs how heâs always been, too, he admits to himself.
The thought disturbs him, which is why he messages you three more times during the day and then again the next morning, asking if he could drop by. Heâs expecting you to insist that youâre fine and he doesnât need to, so it surprises him when you say that he could.Â
Youâre pacing back and forth in your mind since youâre unable to physically do so, but the thought of Jungkook visiting you this Saturday morning is a lot for you to handle, even if you did say it was alright for him to come. The truth is, you wanted him to, only because selfishly, seeing someone be that worried about you gives you some form of comfort.
You called your family yesterday and told them about the injury, which they obviously panicked about. Your mom asked if you needed her to come to you but like always, you said she didnât need to. You told Yoongi about it, too, and he was worried as well, in the classic way that he often is; he had food delivered to you for dinner last night so you didnât have to think about it. You only told your best friends about it this morning and they were furious you waited so long to let them know; they were packing their stuff right as you were speaking to them two hours ago.Â
You know you have people to depend on and would be at your doorstep anytime you ask. These are the same people whoâve done that for years and you fully accept their care and attention; itâs become a part of you and your healing process. But when someone like Jungkook who, for whatever reason he has, shows you the same, it feels different; he goes out of his way to show it to you, and heâs not even someone who normally does it. Itâs a new kind of comfort, one that you find yourself seeking. So when he called earlier and asked if he could drop by, there was an internal sigh of relief.Â
Over half an hour later, your doorbell rings, and you limp your way towards the door to open it.Â
Other than being in suits, youâve only ever seen Jungkook in his gym clothes - half naked as well - and in night out wear. You realize that this is the first time youâre seeing him in a casual outfit, and with a jacket over a sweatshirt and a brown beanie, he looks different - thereâs that boyish charm that youâve never seen; he looks softer, kinder, still reserved but a lot more comfortable.
You let him in after your greetings, then you turn to him and smile.Â
âItâs really the suit, I know it now,â you tease. âItâs what makes you look intimidating.â
He looks at his attire then frowns at you. âSo how do I look now?â
âNot intimidating.â
âWow, what a surprise,â he playfully rolls his eyes. âWhereas youâŠâ He eyes you in gray leggings and a blush jumper, looking soft and comfortable and even more like the bright spot heâs realized you are, but heâd never tell you that. âYou look injured.â
âGee, what a surprise. I feel injured, too,â you laugh. âBut uhm, itâs nice of you to visit my humble mansion once again.â
âI just wanted to make sure youâre doing better,â he hums. âAnd bring some more food so you donât have to worry about it.â
You eye the beef brisket with rice and say that you know what youâll be having for lunch. He responds that he might just go back to the restaurant and meet his best friends there, too. You return to your seat on the couch, realizing thereâs not much room for him to sit on, but he gets to you first, standing in front of you and eyeing the elastic bandage on the table.
âArenât you due for a redress?â He asks.
âYes but uh, I canât actually reach my foot,â you say with an embarrassed smile. âIâm not really flexible so Iâll just wait until Soomin and Jimin arrive.â
âI can do it,â he offers, thinking that the bandage isnât serving its purpose if it remains loose. âI mean, Iâve dressed myself on my own before so Iâm familiar with it.â
Itâs probably the painkillers but something possesses you and you agree, your mind too out of it to take the words back. A part of you wishes you had, especially when your heart does a thing when he kneels on the floor and slowly takes your injured foot. You wiggle your toes in reflex, as if theyâre shy, too, and Jungkook laughs at your silly antics, especially when you admit that youâre a little ticklish.Â
But he softly looks at you right after and asks if heâs hurting you, and you shake your head, unable to say anything else and process that you really allowed this man - your boss and in-denial crush - to do this.Â
You sit there, charmed by the way he looks determined to get this done. He removes the old bandage and wipes your ankle before wrapping it with a new one. His hands are large and quite rough but heâs very gentle, making sure to not lift your foot too high and that the bandage isnât wrapped too tightly. Once heâs finished, he lays it on the table and looks up at you to ask if it feels okay.
âYes,â you shyly smile. âThank you. That was, uh, that was really nice of you.â
He nods and stands up to throw the trash in the bin, wanting to quickly hide his smile at how wholesome you looked in thanking him.Â
He proceeds to look around, taking more of your home in. Thereâs something very calming about it, and itâs more than just the plants that you have and the right amount of sunlight coming from the balcony door and kitchen window. Thereâs also something familiar, as he looks through your shelf of photos, seeing your mom and her partner for the first time. She looks a lot like you. She has a nice smile like yours, and she sees that same joy on her face as heâd seen on you, as she hugs you tightly in one of the pictures.Â
The familiarity is similar to when he first had a whiff of your scent - old rose like the one his mother used to wear, one he remembers as a child when he still clung to her. There are those memories that stick with him. Others he doesnât have anymore but thatâs good, he supposes. Seeing your shelf, he sees all the good and tangible things you hold dear.Â
âThe photo on the far right, the one with Soomin and Jimin. We took that during my birthday trip using your gift,â you tell him. âIt came out really nicely.â
âIt did. Did you finish the film? What else did you take photos of?â
âWe used it all up,â you smile. âAnd just a lot of the scenery and the three of us. We all divided them so we could have copies and just remember how fun that week was.â
âGood, thatâs what I hoped.â
Jungkook stands there, his jacket now off so his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and his hands are in his pockets as he looks through your shelf. You wonder what heâs thinking, what heâs seeing, if any of this makes him curious. Itâs as if heâs taking in all the small parts of who you are that he can see displayed before him. He turns to you and your eyes meet again, and for a moment, it feels like youâre really seeing him and heâs really seeing you, like thereâs something only both of you share and understand and want and can give.
But the doorbell ringing disrupts it, with you wondering who it could be since your best friends wonât arrive until an hour from now. Jungkook walks to the door and opens it, surprised to see Yoongi whoâs just as surprised to see his friend in your apartment.
âHey, youâre back. And⊠here,â you smile, attempting to stand up but Yoongi tells you to stay put.Â
âI flew home last night and thought Iâd visit and get you some food, but it seems like Iâm second in line,â he says, his smug face causing you to glare at him.Â
âI just wanted to make sure she was okay,â Jungkook defends. âI wonât stay long.â
âOf course you do. And I wonât stay long either. I donât wanna disturb anything.âÂ
He smirks at his friend, prompting Jungkook to glare at him as well.Â
âYah, chill, you two. Iâm really just passing by,â Yoongi reiterates, making his way now to sit on the arm of your sofa. âJust wanted to check on ___ and make sure sheâs well-fed.â
âIâm injured, not starving, okay?â You groan. âBut thanks. What have you got there?â
âNoodles, custard buns, and some tarts. Wasnât sure what youâre into when youâre incapacitated,â Yoongi shrugs.Â
âIâm very much mobile,â you correct him. âJust⊠slow and limping.â
Jungkook pulls your dining chair and sits in front of you, and the three of you talk as if this isnât weird at all. Youâre all colleagues - you and Jungkook consider Yoongi as your friend, but you donât know if you should consider your boss as such, and you donât know if he considers you the same. Youâve definitely experienced a lot of things that could qualify what you have as friendship, but even then, thereâs something more about it, something a little more intimate, different, terrifying.
You brave through this dynamic and learn that Yoongi likes to tell Jungkook off a lot. Itâs the kind of bluntness you expect from Yoongiâs no-nonsense attitude but itâs refreshing to see him be more straightforward towards someone like Jungkook who youâre used to seeing as commanding and serious. Jungkook takes the hits, seemingly unbothered as they bicker, and itâs another side of him you enjoy seeing - the smiles and laughter are natural, and thereâs this comfort about him that you suddenly want more of.
The time passes quickly, with the doorbell ringing again signaling that your friends have arrived. Yoongi gets up first to open the door, greeting them who do the same. You manage to stand up with Jungkook telling you to be careful, and when it dawns on them who else is in your apartment, Jiminâs face turns sour and Soominâs goes from confused to amused.Â
Jungkook looks taken aback by the cold welcome, but he manages to introduce himself to them.
âOh, we know,â Jimin says dryly. âYouâre the one who gives her so much work that she had to do overtime again and thatâs why she got hurt.â
You feel the tension come like a strong wave and you try to lower the level a little bit.Â
âHe also brought me to the hospital and got me some food,â you tell Jimin, whose bitterness isnât unfounded. He did listen to you complain about this very man all those months ago. âHeâs just checking up on me, making sure Iâm alright, the way you guys are.â
âAs we should,â Jimin huffs. âAt least we donât cause you any injury or pain.â
âYou donât. But you do make things better so could you do that, please?â You say, opening your arms for a hug, something to appease him before it gets even more tense.Â
Jimin has the sweetest smile but wouldnât be afraid to burn anyone down with his looks if they deserve it. Jungkook did at one point, but you obviously feel very differently about that now. But still, you glance at the man, hoping this encounter isnât putting him off too much, and with the slight tinge of guilt in his eyes, you suppose it hasnât.
Jungkook turns away, partly because a reminder of how heâd treated you before makes him regret even more how you both started, and partly because seeing you affectionate with any man - even if itâs your best friend - makes him a tiny bit jealous, only because itâs something he canât be with you. Seeing you that way with Hajoon months ago was different; Jungkook had been more shocked than anything. But this time, given that his attraction towards you seems to grow every second, and that heâs been wanting nothing more than to comfort you, thereâs more of that feeling of loss, of hope that it could be him one day, even if thatâs something thatâll probably never happen.
âI know you dislike him but tone it down for now, okay?â You whisper to Jimin. âMy place is too small to contain all this tension.â
âI know, Iâm sorry. Seeing him just reminds me of what you had to go through because of him,â he says before pulling away. âBut he did help. And well, Soo and I are still upset that you didnât tell us sooner. You know we wouldâve driven here on Thursday night.â
âI know, and thatâs exactly why. You both had something big going on and I could wait,â you reply, a reason you give them everytime.Â
Wanting a short breather from all this, you excuse yourself and ask Soomin to help you with something in the bathroom, and she heads there right away.
âCan you make sure that those two donât murder each other?â You whisper to Yoongi as you gesture towards Jimin and Jungkook.
âIt would be entertaining if they did, but yes, Iâll try,â he chuckles.
You walk to where Soomin is and after closing the door, she looks at you with the same amusement that sheâs had since she arrived.
âWhat in the romance drama is this!â She exclaims, lowering her voice when you scold at her to keep it down. âAll your three men coming to your home to make sure youâre okay? Talk about making an impression.â
âThey arenât my men, okay!â You scowl at her. âThey all just happened to have the same thought. And no, Jimin doesnât count.â
âWhatever,â Soomin laughs. âItâs just⊠I know youâre hurt and that youâll be okay but itâs just amusing to see them show up for you like this. Especially the big boss. Heâs way hotter up close, I can tell you that.â
âPlease donât remind me,â you frown. âI wish there was a potion I could take to make him look unattractive to me so that Iâd stop being so giddy at everything he does. And fuck, Soo, I havenât been like this in ages. Or ever.â
âWell, you havenât been this accepting of someoneâs attention, thatâs for sure.â
âYeah, and Iâm being silly. I might just be putting myself up for disappointment here,â you groan. âI mean, I donât even know what Iâm feeling, but I know what Iâm not supposed to feel. And heâs not making it any easier.â
âYour situation isnât easy in the first place, hun. And there are many reasons why,â she sighs, wishing there was a way to uncomplicate this very complicated relationship you have with Jungkook. âBut whatever it is you think you shouldnât feel, think about what he may be feeling, too. He wouldnât be making all this effort since Thursday night for this to just be nothing.â
âI wish none of that means anything. Thatâs probably gonna be easier, right? That he doesnât feel anything remotely close to what I do? Thatâs probably better than dealing with all the complications.â
âMaybe, but we donât really know,â Soomin says, pulling you in for a hug. âBut also think about how new and different this feels. It might be worth it in the long run.â
You fall into her embrace, knowing that during the toughest times of your life, this was your saving grace. Itâs no different when youâre confused and in need of guidance, and though youâve always made decisions for yourself with knowledge of the consequences, Soomin was there to back you up during the times when you were going in somewhat blindly. She wants you to be happy, and you wonât really know if continuing to feel what you do about Jungkook will make you so. If all else fails, well, you could always go back home, or maybe return to Busan and start a life there. Jungkook will just be a memory; you hope to the heavens itâll be a good one.
You shake away the thoughts and finally go back out and are relieved to find some peace. Jiminâs washing your dishes while talking to Yoongi who wipes them dry. Jungkook sits on your sofa, looking around quietly, but he stands when he sees you approach him.Â
âIâll go ahead,â he says, gesturing towards the door. âI⊠I think youâve got everything you need.â
âLet me walk you there,â you smile.Â
Heâs outside the door when you thank him again then apologize if Jimin made him uncomfortable.
âItâs okay. Iâd be protective of my best friend, too, if I learned how their boss treated them,â he responds.
âI, uh⊠those were hard times and I may have complained quite a bit about you,â you pout. âIâm so sorry.â
âIâm sure I deserved it,â he chuckles. âYouâre lucky you have them. I mean, my best friends tease me a lot and say shit about me to my face and behind my back.â
âOh come on, Seokjin and Taehyung love you,â you laugh. âIâve seen it, but you all also said youâre like that to each other; itâs how you guys grew up. I mean, I was the new girl in school and Jimin and Soomin have been protective since day one, whereas your best friends have shown you tough love since you were kids. They said you never accepted their affection so they switched tactics.â
âThatâs fair. I was always shy and then turned into a bitter, introverted child. There was no transition, I guess. Now weâre adults and have just stuck with each other because weâre all weâve ever known.â
âWell, you make decisions to stand by people, Jungkook. They do with you and you do the same with them. Plus, youâre not that insufferable,â you tease.Â
âAt least you donât think so. Not anymore, I hope,â he says softly, looking away.Â
âPeople deserve second chances. You gave me some and more and I⊠Iâm glad you did. I at least get to see this side of you thatâs helped me a lot these past months. Iâm thankful. And I hope you know that.â
Jungkook just nods, unable to reply through words again. You let him, knowing itâs his default response. He walks to his car and turns around for a final goodbye, leaving you in anticipation for when youâd be with him again.
âWell, that was a long goodbye,â Yoongi says, surprising you as he stands behind you. âAnd no, I didnât hear anything.â
You turn to him with a playful frown. âI was just making sure that Jimin didnât make him feel too bad. I mean, I know I complained a lot but still. I didnât want Jungkook to think I cursed his existence or something.â
âYou did at one point though,â Yoongi laughs. âBut itâs acceptable. Jungkook was rude, and heavens know how much shit I gave him for treating you the way he did.â
âYou did, huh?â
âI always told you Iâd look out for you, ___. Whatever happened or didnât happen between us, I was always going to have your back.â
âYouâre heaven-sent, Min Yoongi,â you smile. âI wish I could do half as much as you do for me.â
âYou do more. I hope you donât ever doubt the comfort that your presence gives to people. Maybe thatâs what itâs done to Jungkook. And I know he hasnât felt much of that in years.â
Itâs Yoongiâs last words before he says goodbye, and they stay in your head for the next few days. Maybe Soominâs right - all that Jungkook has been doing might mean something, and you hope that finding out what it is will all be worth it.
Jungkook decides to meet with his friends at one of his favorite restaurants for lunch. All he planned on doing today was visit you and he has nothing else going on for the rest of it. The club scene has become boring for him, and going to one only to bring home a woman to hook up with is no longer appealing, not when you invade his mind all the time.
Being welcomed in your home was refreshing. And even if it was awkward, meeting your friends allowed him another peak into your world. You choose the people you allow in, and you donât choose many of them. The ones you do stay for a long time, and thatâs the kind of person you seem to be. You value relationships so much thatâs why you donât have many of them, and with all that you went through and the vulnerability youâve both shown each other, heâs started to hope that one day, heâd be deserving of that, too.Â
âSo did you feel like a fish out of water being there with her actual friends?â Seokjin asks. âBecause I donât know what youâd consider your relationship with her is. Boss-assistant feels too simplistic at this point. Are you friends? Are you more? Or is that all too ambiguous?â
âI donât⊠know,â Jungkook sighs. âWeâre all that but we also arenât. Weâve gone through so much that it doesnât seem like thereâs a way to define what we are. But I feel like Iâve seen her at her most vulnerable and weâve connected because of that.â
âAnd what about you? Have you been vulnerable in front of her?â Seokjin asks.
Has he? Jungkook thinks. Maybe that first time he asked for your help with his new role but he supposes itâs nothing compared to what youâve shown him, intentional or not.
âNot really. I⊠I donât let myself be. Thatâs still distance I need to establish,â Jungkook reasons.
âMore like, because you know that if you do show that side of you, youâre scared youâll find out that sheâll understand, and that having her next to you is what you need to heal whatever parts of you that are still hurting?â Seokjin counters.Â
âI donât want to need her, you know that. Thereâs a boundary I shouldnât cross. Sheâs my assistant andââ
âYouâve been treating her like the most important person and itâs not hard to miss,â Taehyung interjects. âYou were never like this, not since Chaerin.â
âI donât even know what it is about ___ that just makes me consider risking things, you know?â Jungkook sighs. âIâm always torn with what our reality is and what we could be but Iâm afraid that if we cross that line, weâll have to make sacrifices. I⊠Iâm finding myself wanting her around all the time. When she leaves, I want her to stay. When sheâs not there, I want her to come. But at the same time, I donât want her too close because I donât know if I can have her or if I can want her. Because I donât know what of me I can give that wonât hurt her,â he admits, with a bit of help from some whiskey.
âMaybe if you let yourself be vulnerable, youâd know,â Seokjin advises. âSome people would run and hide but thereâs always that one person who wouldnât. That might just be her. And then youâll learn what you can give, too.â
Jungkook lets his friendsâ words settle and then thinks about them throughout the night that he spends all alone in his penthouse, with another glass of whiskey in his hand as he looks out the balcony. A part of him wants you to run and hide when you see who he really is, what he hides and what heâs ashamed of. Maybe that would be easier, he thinks; maybe that would hurt less.
You return to work the next Tuesday, having gone to the hospital the day before and being cleared to return to your usual routine. Jimin and Soomin stayed with you until that evening, with you rejecting their insistence to stay another day. You can manage, you assure them. Youâre able to walk properly now and would just need to do daily exercises, wear the elastic bandage for another week, and forego the heels.Â
Jungkookâs pleased to know that youâre doing better and makes sure you donât walk around if you donât need to, so heâs been the one going to see you when he needs something. He also postponed some potential site visits for the project that he and Hoseok are working on until youâre fully capable, which is why itâs three weeks later when you find yourself in the car with him, on the way to some towns in nearby provinces on an early Friday morning.Â
Mr. Ri called in sick today and Jungkook didnât want to deal with a chauffeur he doesnât know, so he decided to drive instead, thinking itâs more efficient that way. These are all initial checks and being that youâre the only one from his team whoâs privy to the details, he wanted you to join him as a sounding board and also to get your own thoughts about what youâll be seeing. He has a vision in mind and he needs to translate it properly; youâve been helpful these past months in making sure heâs able to do that.
Disregarding what this time alone with you would do to him, Jungkook meets you in his penthouse, telling himself to focus on only one thing today, and thatâs finding the right place for his planned project.Â
You leave early for a quick stop at a cafe and then head north to some towns in Gyeonggi province. There are some properties and land that are up for sale, and you prepared the information about them beforehand, allowing Jungkook to play around with the timeline and budget in his mind, even drawing rough drafts on his iPad as he assesses them. Youâre both in work-mode, discussing each site on the way to the next one, with you searching for more details along the way and him, stopping on the side of the road to add an idea that he comes up with on the spot.Â
Itâs a little chaotic, as his mind goes from one thing to another, but you suppose this is how Jungkook naturally is. Youâve seen him perform his duties in various ways, but this is when you see the most raw side of him, and itâs quite the privilege to see. He always said he preferred the creative aspect of the job, which is why he enjoyed his time in Singapore, handling the design department. You contend that heâs grown tremendously in his executive role. As Hoseok has said, Jungkook relates to his staff better now, and has even engaged and attracted more partners with his great ideas.
Youâre quite sentimental going on this trip with him. It wasnât long ago when you were going to work with anxiety, anticipating his next criticism so you can prepare yourself, and then going home feeling like a failure. So much has happened since then, and you could even say that youâve found comfort in your daily routines; doing something different like this is now exciting and something you look forward to, especially since it allows you to go outside, see the sights, and breathe the cool air.Â
âYou okay there?â He asks, noticing your silence.
âYeah. I was just thinking how 10 months ago, this wouldâve stressed me out so much.â
âWhat? Going on a road trip?â
âPretty much going anywhere with you,â you laugh. âCar rides even with Mr. Ri made me freak out, and I was so scared to make a mistake or make you wait for information that I couldnât find. And now here we are - I survived the last five hours with you and not once did you groan at me.â
âWow, I mustâve been a really terrible boss to make your standard for a non-stressful day to be that low,â he laughs before turning serious. âBut I⊠Iâm⊠Iâm sorry, for all the stress and anxiety that I caused you. I was being selfish and irrational about it. I hate change and you were the biggest one, even with my new role. I took out all the frustration on you and I shouldnât have.â
He says more than he expected, but itâs also the apology that he shouldâve givenâthat you deserved âmonths ago.Â
âI forgive you,â you say softly, glancing at him before returning your eyes towards the road. âI always knew my limits and I guess I let you push it and that was on me. I couldâve stood up to you, too.â
âYou did though, more than once. And that knocked some sense into me.â
âI guess,â you hum. âAnd then things improved and Iâm just glad they did.â
Thereâs a prolonged silence after, as you both opt to bask in the scenery around you. Thereâs that understanding and acceptance of how things were and that regardless of whatâs going on in your own minds, you at least have this. You think to yourself that this just makes leaving that much harder, but at least this is one more memory you could take with you.
You make it to Hwacheon in Gangwon past noon, and this is where you spend most of your time in, as the sites are spread out around the county. There are areas tucked away in the mountains while there are those closer to town with grand views. Itâs in the latter where you grab some lunch and go through some of his plans, and you take in his ideas, learning from him in the process.Â
Itâs late in the afternoon when you inspect the final site, which is in an area in the neighboring Chuncheon county. Itâs got potential for another project that CEO Jeon is looking to do, and with your notes completed, you and Jungkook start the trip back home. You would reach the tail-end of the Friday night traffic by the time you return to Seoul, the GPS says, and so both of you savor the skyâs changing colors as it transitions to the evening, letting the soft sounds of the radio replace the silence.
Barely 30 minutes in, the rain starts to pour, and itâs seconds later when it dawns on you what that means, as you hear heavy breathing next to you. You turn to Jungkook whose hands are tightly gripping the wheel, with sweat lining his eyebrows despite the cool temperature.
âDid the forecast say it was gonna rain?â He asks, the mix of panic and frustration evident in his voice.Â
âYes, but not until late in the evening,â you say, checking your phone to make sure you got the correct information.Â
Your heart breaks upon realizing that at midday, the weather station warned that there was going to be a thunderstorm, with rainfall coming in around this time. You inform Jungkook, and despite all the progress in your relationship, your heart breaks a second time when he says that you shouldâve constantly checked, that the weather changes all the time and you shouldâve been mindful, and that now youâre both gonna be stuck on the road because heâs unable to drive and you donât know how to. His tone is harsh, accusatory, as if it was something you could control, as if everything was your fault, just like how it was before.
Jungkook stops on the side of the road as the downpour continues, and he leans his head on the steering wheel now as he takes deep breaths. You tell him he could breathe better if he sits straight up, but he ignores you.Â
A part of you wants to remark how itâs ironic that just earlier, he was apologizing for the way he treated you, and now itâs like youâve both taken a few steps back. You want to say itâs not your fault, that you wouldnât even have known that the rain affected him this way if you hadnât seen him be nervous about it when you went home from the gala last year. But you think about the way his eyes looked earlier, how they filled with worry and fear, like there was a sense of powerlessness that you know a little about.Â
So you settle for a bit of grace and understanding, thinking theyâre what he needs.
âI donât know why this is on me,â you say softly. âI didnât know how bad it was but if I did, I wouldâve checked constantly and I wouldâve had us turn back the second I saw that forecast. And if I could drive, Iâd drive us back as fast as I could. Iâm sorry.â
He slows his breathing and sits up. His hands still tightly gripping the wheel but his eyes are downcast, and you suppose thereâs more sadness than anger, so you stop pressing your nails on your skin, which youâd started doing in anticipation of him arguing with you about it.
âI donât like the rain,â he shares, his voice low. âI⊠I have a bad memory of it as a kid and I just get reminded whenever it starts. I panic when it gets louder and I just⊠I canât stay out here when that's all I can hear.â
His honesty surprises you. You canât imagine how it mustâve been like for him, even more that he has to suffer through this right now in front of you, considering how hard it is for him to express how he feels. You donât know how bad this weather is gonna go, and at this pace, the thunderstorm will probably reach you by the time you make it back to Seoul. So you do what you do best, and thatâs to come up with options.Â
âThereâs a guesthouse not far from here,â you say after checking the map. âItâs the closest one. We could spend the night there and wait out the rain. Thatâs better than being stuck here or continuing the drive back to the city.â
He nods in agreement, knowing thereâs not much he could do. He doesnât want to be stuck here; even more, he doesnât want to unload on you nor have you witness how much worse it could be.Â
He keys in the address you give him while you call the property and ask if they still have available rooms. They do, so you reserve two and sigh in relief that thatâs one problem solved.
You make it there in 15 minutes. Jungkook heads out the car first with the rain having eased up a bit, and you retrieve his luggage from the trunk, the one he keeps there for emergency trips and instances like this one. It has enough clothes for a day, and youâre glad that at least he has something to change into.
You make it inside and meet the owners then introduce yourself, stating that you reserved two rooms.Â
âIâm so sorry but we had to give up one of them,â the woman says. âA family came in with a baby and we couldnât turn them away. The weatherâs going to get worse tonight and we try to accommodate as many people as we can. I hope you understand.â
âThatâs⊠thatâs okay,â you say, knowing you wouldâve done the same.Â
The thought of sharing a room with Jungkook feels too intimate and definitely not good for your heart, added to the fact that youâre probably not his favorite person right now, so you try to find a way out. You turn to the living room and see the sofa thatâs big enough for you, so you ask if you can just stay there instead.
âOur cleaners will be using that space since they canât go home due to the rain. Iâm sorry again, Miss. Your room has twin beds so I hope that eases your worry somehow.â
âItâs fine, weâll manage,â Jungkook says from behind you, hoping to the heavens that he will. He has one fear, and thatâs you seeing how he really is during times like this.
He takes the key and walks up the stairs to the room youâre given. Itâs spacious with a fair enough distance between both beds. He takes the one farther from the window then gets his clothes from his bag. It dawns on him that you donât have your own with you, so he offers you his sweatshirt.Â
âItâs okay,â you shake your head. âItâs gonna be cold and youâre gonna need it.â
âSo will you. You canât be in wet clothes, not in this weather.â
âItâs happened before,â you shrug.
â___, just take it,â he insists, placing the item on your bed. âI have a top here that I can wear and the blankets will be enough. This is loose but itâs at least better than damp clothing. And you can go ahead in the bathroom. Iâll just give Mr. Ri a call.â
You nod and head out, taking his jumper and the towel with you. Youâre given some basic toiletries, and the warm shower is just what you need for that bit of comfort after a stressful evening. As youâre about to dress up inside, you hear a knock on the door.
âI asked the lady if they had spare pajamas for you and she gave me a set,â Jungkook says from outside. âIâll leave them on a stool by the door.â
You wait for him to leave before getting them and putting them on. Itâs a plain set of shorts and shirt thatâs a little big but itâs way better than your damp skirt and blouse, which the owners offered to wash and dry for you for tomorrow.
You return to the room with Jungkook sitting on the floor, and you give him back his sweatshirt that he turns down.Â
âIâm fine,â he insists. âDonât you get cold easily? Youâll need that.âÂ
He walks out, barely meeting your eyes. Youâre sitting on the edge of your bed when he returns half an hour later, the sight of him with damp hair in black sweatpants and a white sleeveless top doing things to you. But you shake the thoughts away, especially as he once again creates that distance. He doesnât look at you when he settles in bed, nor when he switches off his bedside light, and definitely not when he turns around to face the other way. You sigh to yourself, feeling even more alone now with him acting like this.
You canât really blame him though. Dealing with something that elicits painful memories is difficult, and you understand the tendency to isolate yourself and push people away when that happens. Itâs what you do sometimes, but still, it doesnât mean it doesnât hurt you a little when Jungkook does this to you, considering how good your relationship has become, regardless of your stupid attraction.
Settling in your bed, you decide to turn around and face the window. You focus on the droplets creating their own artwork on the glass, in hopes that itâll help you take your mind off Jungkook, even if heâs literally just a few feet away from you. The last thing you want is a strained relationship, and you hope that this doesnât make him fall back into his old ways. Although heâs experienced a few stressful moments these past months, they werenât personal, and you suppose situations like this are when his emotions truly come out.
The rain has gotten stronger again and youâre pleased that Jungkook isnât awake for this, based on the soft snores you hear. Youâre about to fall asleep, the sound hypnotizing you a little, but thatâs when the first blare of thunder strikes, causing you to jerk in bed in surprise. It used to scare you because of what it reminded you of, but you learned how to manage it after the first hit; the succeeding ones are no longer triggering. In fact, you just think of how it used to drown out the sounds of what you were truly afraid of.
Just then, you hear distressed moans. The sounds of frantic breathing and shifts on the bed follow right after. And then thereâs a restrained groan, like a call for help that doesnât fully come out, and thatâs what alarms you. You immediately get off the bed and rush to Jungkookâs side. You see that heâs still asleep, his body - now uncovered by the blanket - is tense, despite his efforts of turning about. The low sounds of almost-cries convince you that heâs having a nightmare.Â
Thunder hits once again and itâs much louder this time, eliciting another frantic response from Jungkook. Heâs kicking the covers while gripping the sheets, and with another roar of thunder that causes him to scream, thatâs when you decide to wake him up.Â
âJungkook, hey, listen to me,â you say, sitting on the edge of the bed and keeping his head still with your hands. Youâre able to control him as he continues tossing and turning, repeating his name until he slowly opens his eyes. âHey, youâre safe with me, okay? Just focus on my voice.â
Heâs awake now and you see the worry in his eyes, but you talk to him calmly, wanting him to trust you. It works, as he nods and slows down his movements. But heâs still breathing heavily, his lips chattering and the rest of his body shivering.Â
You anticipate another hit of thunder, and youâre able to shield him from it, pressing your palms on his ears, trying to drown out the sound. You stay that way, thumbing his temples as you tell him itâs okay, that youâve got him, and that itâll be over soon. You hold his gaze to let him know that youâre not going anywhere, and his pretty eyes that often look so far away are now overtaken with fear.Â
âJust look at me, alright? And follow my breathing,â you instruct him, your voice as gentle as you can make it despite your own worries for him.
He does as you say, his hands gripping your wrists as if to keep them there, and you assure him that you wonât let go until he says so.
âYouâre doing good, just keep breathing,â you repeat, pacing your breathing with his until youâre doing it together.Â
You donât know how long you stay that way, with his head between your hands and your eyes locked on his. It takes a while, but the thunder eventually stops and the rain eases. Jungkook finally calms down and you slowly release him from your hold. You watch him shut his eyes, as if in desperation to let everything go, before he opens them again.Â
âIs that better?â You ask, moving just a bit farther from him to give him space, but you remain close, wanting to be next to him in case something happens again.
âYeah, that was, uh⊠that was tiring,â he huffs.
âI think the thunder has passed but if it happens again, Iâll be here, okay?â
He nods, his soft and desperate eyes now looking at you to express his gratitude. You want so badly to hug him, to hold his still-shaking hands and assure him that heâs not alone, that you wonât let anything hurt him for the rest of the night, and that you understand it all - whatever it is heâs afraid of, and why he keeps it all to himself.
But you suppose thatâs going too far. Youâre afraid that youâd want to stay there, even more if he doesnât want you to. So you nod as well and think that he at least has this to comfort him, that he at least knows youâre just there.
You walk back to your bed and lie down, facing him this time. You smile, wanting that assurance to be the last thing he sees before he falls asleep again. Jungkook does the same as he settles under the covers, patting it down so he could see you better. You both stay there, safe in your corners, your eyes telling each other things you canât say.
Whatever distance you felt earlier has shortened. Right now, with both of you falling asleep to each otherâs view, heâs never felt so close.
The morning after heavy rain is always bittersweet. Thereâs the reality of the damage it caused but you also canât deny that it gives life to other living things. What it also does is make way for clear skies and give you that fresh, rainwater scent of the grass and the trees. Itâs what you see and smell when you open the bedroom windows, reminding you that the evening has passed and the worst is over.Â
You spot Jungkook seated on one of the chairs in the garden, and you hope that the view is making him feel better, with the nightmare from last night slowly drifting away from his mind. You dress up in the dry clothes you find hanging on the doorknob of the room then head downstairs, surprised to see food prepared in the dining area. The tofu stew and grilled mackerel are so appetizing, and the loud rumbling of your stomach reminds you that you didnât eat last night, with all the stress making dinner your last priority.
âHello, dear. It was a pretty hard evening so we prepared something for our guests,â the owner says, her radiant smile reflecting the brightness of the day. âYou may call your friend outside so you can both eat and get ready for a long drive home.â
You thank her then call Jungkook, his eyes brightening when he walks back inside and sees the food. He engages in conversation with the owners, asking about this town and the surrounding ones, and what their appeal is to non-residents. You gauge that heâs doing a bit of research himself, and you think heâs at least not too out of it to still do so.
âYouâre free to stay until noon,â the owner informs you. âYou can enjoy the view outside; itâs really pretty now that the sky has cleared. Iâll be making tea shortly as well.â
Jungkook says heâll return to the garden and you wait for the hot drinks before following him. Youâre unsure if he wants you around but you try, sitting next to him then sighing in relief when he doesnât move away.
âI was 10 years old when my parents sent me and my brother to a cabin somewhere in Hwasun,â he starts. âI thought they were coming with us but it was just me and Jeong-sik and some staff. He and I never got along. If he wasnât ignoring me, he was teasing me. But that day, he convinced me to play hide-and-seek, saying that by the time he finds me, our parents would be back. We were outdoors and I ended up wandering too far, so close to the woods that I couldnât find my way back. My brother hadnât come and I was getting scared. And then it started to rain.â
âJungkook, you donât have toââ
âIt started getting stronger and the skies had become so dark, I could barely see anything,â he continues, his eyes fixed towards the mountains faraway. âThe rain made the ground slippery so I decided to just sit by a large tree and hope someone would find me. It felt like hours and maybe it was. The thunder was so loud then and it kept going and going and going. And I was drenched and all alone, and no matter how hard I screamed, no one could hear me.â
âIâm so sorry, Jungkook,â you say, feeling your heart break as he narrates a painful memory that you can relate with.Â
Itâs only close to what you experienced yet it feels so real to you. You can feel his fear and his pain in the tremble of his voice, in the way he grips on the edges of the bench, in the way his jaw clenches at the memory, like itâs one heâs tried hard to bury yet canât get rid of, no matter how hard he tries.Â
But this feels so personal, and you donât want him to feel like he needs to share it with you.
âYou donât have to explain,â you add. âI know itâs difficult to share something like that.â
âBut I want to,â he responds, turning to you now. âBecause Iâve carried the memory with me for 20 years and Iâve been dealing with it all on my own. But thatâs not an excuse to treat you the way I did last night. Thatâs not a reason for me to take it out on you and especially to blame you. That was wrong of me and Iâm sorry, ___. IâŠâ
He looks down, perhaps trying to gather the courage he needs to be honest with you, to be vulnerable with you.
âI donât want you to think that I didnât need you because I did,â he adds. âI was scared and I didnât think I needed you but you were there and Iâm so sorry.â
You sit there and watch him cower onto himself, and somehow you see the little boy who was scared, who was wondering why heâd been left alone, who was waiting for someone to come find him or perhaps⊠someone to sit there and be with him until the rain stopped. Thereâs a lot he carries; thereâs also a lot he buries, as if thereâs a bottomless hole within him where he keeps everything hidden but it still feels too heavy, too much, taking from him every time he hides something new.Â
You donât say anything for a while, as you start to see Jungkook for who he really is. You feel the weight of his words and how much it took for him to say them. Itâs not that his experience makes him different, but now that you know the pain heâs been carrying with him, youâre able to see the other parts of him that heâs unable to show, perhaps too afraid that someone wouldnât understand, or that they wouldnât stay if they found out why he keeps his distance and why he pushes people away.
Your silence prompts him to look up. You meet his eyes and see the sadness in them and it feels like he needs more than just forgiveness.
âWe do things we donât mean to when weâre afraid,â you tell him. âIt doesnât always mean we intend on hurting them. And I understand that, more than you know. Iâll never take that against you.â
Jungkook nods, shifting again towards the view as he lets your words sink in. He was hoping for forgiveness, but he got so much more. Maybe thereâs a reason why youâve been patient and gentle with him ever since the beginning. Perhaps youâre carrying your own burden and painful memories that youâre unable to share and deal with, too, and though heâs nothing like you, thereâs comfort in knowing that youâre the same somehow.
He senses you turn back to look at the mountains, and the silence prompts him to continue the story of an experience heâs only shared twice before - once to his best friends and another time with Chaerin, all of whom have seen this side of him - the scared and vulnerable side. They were understanding and supportive as well, trying to find ways to comfort and help him deal with it. Youâre the third and the one heâs known the shortest time, yet he feels more comfort with you than anyone whoâs ever tried.
âI fell asleep at that tree while waiting,â he recalls. âThe next thing I know, I was being carried back to the cabin. The rain had stopped but it was still dark, and I was tended to until I fell asleep again. I was sick for days and I didnât see my parents until we were back in Seoul. Itâs just a hard thing to remember. I know we have selective memories and I always wish thatâs one thing that I donât ever have to remember but life isnât that kind, I guess.â
âIt isnât. But we learn to face those fears though, and manage them. Itâs the only way we can get through it,â you say.
âHave you?â He asks, wondering if thatâs another similarity he shares with you.Â
âNot really. I wouldnât be alone and where I am if I have,â you say. âBut Iâm trying. And Iâll continue to.â
âThat makes one of us,â he sighs.Â
âWell, itâs not always easy if youâre not quite sure what youâre really afraid of,â you respond. âIs it just thunder?â
âYeah⊠but once the rain starts, it tells me that thunder could come. It doesnât always but itâs what my brain tells me. Then I get anxious and I⊠I donât know what to do. Like Iâm paralyzed and unable to think or move. I just⊠stay there and sometimes, I donât even know whatâs happening.â
âWell, it rained when I got injured,â you remind him. âBut you managed to get me to the hospital. And you stayed with me. Thatâs definitely something.â
âYou were hurt and it was more important that you got treated,â he reasons. âThat was scary and I guess my brain told me to get shit done that moment.â
âSo⊠do I always have to be hurt for you to get through the rain when it starts getting bad?â You ask.
âDonât talk like that. I canât have you going through that again,â he frowns at you.Â
The way he reacts to the thought of you being hurt gives you that warm feeling again. But it reminds you that you feel the same. You donât want him to be scared, you donât want him hurt, too.
âFine. But when it starts to rain and youâre all alone and you feel like you canât manage, you call me, okay?â You tell him.
âAnd what would that do?â
âThat way I can talk you through it. Maybe go to you if you want me to.â
âWhy would you do that?â
âBecause during the times I was afraid and alone, you were there,â you bravely say, turning to him and prompting him to do the same. âSometimes something triggers those memories but then I think of how you stayed with me in the alley and in the playground and in my apartment. I think of you and I stop feeling scared. Maybe you can think of last night when it starts to get bad, too. And we can just create more of those memories to override the bad ones. Wouldnât that be better?â
He savors your words, not realizing how much youâve held onto your moments together. And he understands that now. The way you held him together last night is ingrained in his mind, and if thatâs how it feels to be with you during his darkest moments, he starts to wonder how good it would feel during the good ones.
Maybe heâll start with this, as you both sip citrus tea while looking at the lush mountains out on the horizon. Heâll continue with the scenic drive back to Seoul and a stopover at a cafe for some iced coffee and conversations about good memories. And at least for today, heâll end with the sight of you walking to your apartment and then turning around to wave him goodbye, and then your smile giving him warmth on this cold afternoon.
The door shuts and he starts the trip back to his place - empty, lonely, just like how itâs been for years, all his pent up emotions bringing him to this point of isolation. But thereâs you - the feel of your touch, the soothing sound of your voice, and the gentleness that got him through the night.
He misses you already. And much as he knows heâs in big trouble, thinking about you and wanting you is all he could do.
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