#really wanna d1e

[yoharrysaidshe]

.

[sanchos]

my brain is so fucked bc of this exam please guys I AM BEGGING pray for me

[b0r3dtod3ath]

"Do it"

F1 masterlist

Summary: Oscar convinces you to bite him

Trigger warnings: Blo0d

A/N: Halloween special with vampire!reader <33 also omg his neck is so pretty im gonna d1e

Word count: 643

You and Oscar had been dating for a few months now. You told him you were a vampire pretty early on as hiding it wasn't easy. He was a bit confused but when you explained everything it slowly sunk in. You always assured him that you wouldn't bite him especially without consent or overall do anything to him and that modern vampires rarely bite humans.

With time Oscar got used to it. You were more of a human than a vampire actually. The thirst for blood and sensitivity to sun were the things you struggled with. Your boyfriend secretly found it very cute. He was amused by the light in your eyes when you were thirsty and the way your teeth would get more pointy. He always made sure he had an umbrella with him to shield you from the sun and he regularly stocked up on human blood for you. With time he figured out your preferences and what kinds you liked. There were a lot - some in juice boxes that were more everyday and some more high-end in glass bottles similar to wine.

It was a chilly October evening when the two of you were sitting on the bed under a few soft blankets. Your backs pressed to the headboard as you were reading your book and Oscar was reading some kind of data analysis from his last race. Even though you weren't living together and that you just stayed overnight, you still felt comfortable with silence between you two. You started getting more and more distracted by the dry feeling in your mouth. Beautiful, glowy skin of your boyfriend that sat next to you didn't help either. I'm just gonna finish this chapter and go grab something you kept repeating to yourself but your reading pace only got slower and slower. You caught yourself staring at Oscar a few times hoping he wouldn't notice. He did. "Wanna tell me something?" he said, not looking away from the paper in front of him. "Mhhh I don't know..." Oscar looked at your puppy eyes and slightly parted lips and knew what was going on. He chuckled because he knew you were so thirsty that you couldn't even form a proper sentence. He moved your book aside and took your hands in his. "Honey, If you really want to drink my blood, go for it" With the speed of light you were on top of him - your thighs on each side of his, your hands caressing his jawline as his rested on your hips. "I won't turn into a vampire, right?" "No, don't worry" "Will it hurt?" the question caused you to feel a bit bad for him "No but we don't have to do it if you don't want to. You will just feel a pinch and you will fall asleep for not more than half an hour, I promise." "Okay, go ahead, you have been waiting long enough" he said as he took off his t-shirt giving you more access to his neck and collarbones. You planted many kisses from his ear, down his neck till his shoulder. You could feel his heavy breathing and you swore you could hear the blood flowing in his veins. He tilted his head back and made himself more comfortable as you sunk your teeth into his skin. The sweetness and warmth of the blood caused you to pathetically let out a small moan. When you were done you looked up to your boyfriend seeing he had already passed out. His eyes were closed and bare chest indicated his slow breathing. You tucked him in and went to grab him a big glass of water for when he wakes up. You turned off the lights and laid next to him "Thank you, I love you" he quietly mumbled as you kissed the mark you left.

08.09.23

[clowningaroundcanon]

Quotes my family has said but it’s ninjago quotes

MAJOR TW FOR DARK HUMOR IN GENERAL! The quotes with these jokes have a TW but you’ve been warned

..

Jay: “I dunno man, moms are creatures scientists still have yet to learn all reasonings of.”

..

Lloyd: “I don’t see anyone else with snakes on their heads.”

Kai: “That’s because no one is as quirky and different as you.”

Lloyd: Dejected “Oh..”

Kai: “That was a compliment.”

Lloyd: “Oh!”

..

Jay: “Then you get a bowl the size of Mt. Everest.”

Cole: “It’s the size of your face.”

Jay: “It’s the size of your brain.”

Cole: “It’s the size of your ego.”

Jay: “Oh…”

..

Kai: “Don’t look in the trash can in the upstairs bathroom, there’s no evidence”

Jay: “Now I’m just gonna look in the trash can upstairs”

Goes upstairs and looks in the trash can

Jay: “No evidence huh?”

Door proceeds to shut and the sound of knuckles cracking can be heard

Jay: “Wait a second—“

..

Nya: “You can’t have more than half since fudge is too rich.”

Jay: “You can’t have the fudge it’s too expensive.”

..

Cole: “Why isn’t this a Disney movie? They sing every five minutes.”

Kai: “Cause the parents are still alive.”

A conversation while watching Rudolph the red nose reindeer

..

Jay: "it’s really muggy outside

Nya: if I go outside and all our mugs are on the front lawn I’m leaving you

Jay: *^proceeds to drink chocolate milk from a bowl^*"

..

Jay: and here’s my piggy bank

Lloyd: ooo how much moneys in there ?

Jay: none :(

Lloyd: aww… same

.. TW! Comment about weight

*Having a conversation about who’s pants were who’s*

Zane-“These are definitely yours, Cole.”

Cole-“Idk, Jay’s been putting on some weight recently.”

Jay-*Hysterical laughing* (He wasn’t being mean, it was a joke)

Zane-“This reminds me of that conversation I had with Kai.”

Jay-*More hysterical laughing*

Cole-“Zane, you might wanna get out of the house, sounds like there’s a hyena.”

Jay-*Absolutely dying from laughter*

..

Kai: “What, you got a problem with Salisbury steak?”

Lloyd: “Yes.”

Kai: “Understandable.”

..

Nya: “THATS WHAT I WAS REFERRING TO YOU OVERBAKED COOKIE”

.. TW! Mention of thr^wing up

Garmadon: “I’m winning us money.”

Lloyd: “Is it working?”

Garmadon: “Well, I won us 5 dollars.”

Lloyd: “Wow, 5 dollars, that’s enough to pay back for the lottery ticket.”

Garmadon: “…go away.”

Lloyd: “AM I WRONG?!”

Garmadon: “..I don’t like you anymore, give me back the fries.”

Lloyd: “I’ll just go and ||puke them back up||, I guess.”

..

Garmadon: “Our crappy state is the only state where the gas doesn’t pump itself; we suck.”

.. TW! Ch^king and threats

Kai: “I HOPE YOU TRIP ON A LEGO, SWALLOW IT, FALL INTO A DITCH WHILE CHOKING ROLL INTO THE OCEAN GET STUNG BY JELLYFISH GET EATEN BY A WHALE GET SPAT OUT LIE ON A HOT ABANDONED ISLAND AND DIE”

..

Jay: “I use heels cause the leg sleeves are too long.”

Cole: “..the leg sleeves?”

Jay: “Yeah.”

Cole: “YOU MEAN THE PANTS??”

.. TW! Joke about dy1ng

Lloyd: “I wanted 50 bucks for my birthday!”

Kai: “I gave you 50 bucks that you so graciously spent on icecream”

Lloyd: “WHAT BUT YOU TOLD ME TOO-“

Kai: “Happy birthday sweetheart!”

Lloyd: “If this is adult life I’d rather || d1e ||”

..

Zane: “Apollo’s kids are like disowning him and he’s standing there taking it being like, ‘What did I do to deserve this?’”

PIXAL: “You were a father.”

[schizochasm]

I just had 2 protein shakes and went over my limit. At 10pm. But I'll allow it this time.

I've had 3 episodes today, and this one was really bad.

I needed the comfort.

I feel like absolute shit and wanna fucking d1e.

So I'll allow it rn.

Besides, I should still lose.

I'm only slightly above 500.

I legit want to d1e rn, so I won't hate myself over this one.

[medium-tall-girl]

I want to d1e :(

For two weeks I’ve stayed under 800 c4ls per day, some under 500, and yet I’ve gained 3 pounds in that time.

I am horrifically bloated, so hopefully it is partially due to that, but homecoming is in 2 days. I really don’t wanna hate my body on homecoming, I might just ⭐️ve or take some l4xitives idk.

[deyisacherry]

don't know if im the only one who knows when an idea in the show is being discarded or just happened once and when they stop talking about it it's mostly because it won't happen again

or when some character denies something over and over as a way to say "stop, that's not true, stop talking about it"

silly example? sun with roxy

yeah Moon was joking with Sun (i didn't like the joke i wanted to bonk him), but some people took Sun rejection at the idea of still being in love with Roxanne as a "i am in love with her but i don't wanna admit it" and they were a loooot saying that he still liked her and they were gonna be together and yadda yadda

while i was clearly seeing Sunny say "I DON'T LIKE ROXANNE ANYMORE, I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HER" as an honest thing

sometimes actions speak louder than words, so hey, Sun said once a su1c1dal thought, and it was when Old Moon recently died and got reset wich brought us New Moon

the next days, weeks? he was still in distress, seeing bloodmoon, seeing old moon? yeah, it is completely normal because he went through a lot of things recently, he k1lled bloodmoon, he snapped at lunar, he went for eclipse, he argued with old moon, he was trapped by old moon, he saw bloodmoon mocking him, he snapped again, he went to eclipse, he tried to k1ll him, eclipse made him snap too, he destroyed the magic pool thing, he thought he trapped moon forever, the spell wasn't working because he was seeing bloodmoon again, he comes back and then finds out his brother got reset, lunar died and the cherry on top! eclipse had the star

he was broken, YES, HE WAS

he's totally better now? NO he isn't

he's still as broken as before? NO.

Sun is doing better, HE IS, the alcohol thing for god's sake was a joke (i took it like that) and not a joke about alcoholism, just a silly thing because jesus christ they're not humans, they can't get actually drunk as humans and are not made to be able to become alcoholic

Moon was worried too, I KNOW, he's his brother of course he was worried of the idea of Sun drinking wine everyday

was it actually doing any damage to him? NO

they didn't showed us not even ONCE that Sun was tipsy, drunk or dependent on the wine, he just didn't wanna waste it, so i don't really get the alcoholism thing more than a hc that got way too out of hands

sunny never mentioned that he felt like wanting to d1e again, nor acted like it, he just wanted some time away from the whole madness happening, and again, wanting to stay home and chill is not depression, a totally different thing is being at home and not feeling able to get up, or go outside, or do anynthing at all

he could still be depressed? maybe

he is in a deep state of depression as before? NO

Sun was in that state before because everything happened too quickly and it was too much to handle, he was depressed

but then he learned to accept this new moments as best as he could, and he got closer to new moon, and he wished to help, and he got closer to earth, and he spended time with lunar

sun. got. his family. back

not as he planned to, but still.

he has new moon who takes care of him, who worries about him, who makes sure he's doing fine, he has a sister now, he loves his sister, he's better with lunar, so much better and they both worry about him

he's hanging out with people, he's going to other places, he's playing with his friends

i know, i know depression can be hidden behind a façade, i know people can seem happy and still not be actually happy

but honestly? i saw sun getting better

did i said before that they still needed to talk about his problems more? of course i did, and that happened, and i think it will still happen, little by little

yes, sun needs to let out a lot of things, he dooooes

that doesn't mean he still wants to d1e, that doesn't mean that the alcohol thing was a sign of alcoholism/depression, it was clearified by HIMSELF so many times, so I don't quite get why some people are mad that Sun isn't that way

please, sometimes i think people want sun to d1e just because.

and i don't know what's the thought process behind that, i want my boy getting better, not being back to a miserable state and even worse, d34th

,,, but anyway this is an internet shoooow

[pijjafairys]

Last dance.

pairing ; the8 x reader

genre ; heavy angst, slow burn

trigger warning ; d1e, depression, empty feeling

note ; a songfic inspired by LAST DANCE - BIGBGANG, possible grammar and spelling mistakes, may take a bit longer

The sound of footsteps echoed in the deserted apartment hallway, and the clock struck half-past eleven at night. It was almost midnight, and there was less and less human activity.

Eisa, often called Minghao, was carrying a tote bag filled with his monthly shopping. He opened the door to his apartment room lazily, and after placing the tote bag on the table, he threw himself roughly on the sofa and exhaled heavily.

"Life's becoming tougher around here," he grumbled to no one in particular.

Opening his phone, he pressed the music player app and set a random playlist. He tried to close his eyes, hoping that when he woke up later, his fatigue would be gone.

Eisa opened his eyes slowly and felt someone lightly patting his cheek. Trying to blink repeatedly to adjust to the bright room light, he heard a soft voice saying, "Hey, let's get up and eat first. I'm already cooking." A tiny hand extended towards Eisa. Eisa, who was still not fully awake, just nodded, smiled, and accepted the tiny hand. They walked towards the dining room, and the smell of cooking was so fragrant that it pierced their noses.

"Ah.. This is all I can whip up right now. I'll make sure to cook up a storm tomorrow." The woman slightly lowered her head, and that woman is you.

"It's okay babe. You don't need to cook much anyway since it's already late. It's just me and you who will eat, so don't be sad. Let's eat. Thank you very much," Eisa smiled gently and stroked the top of your head.

You guys ate together quietly, with only light conversation to break the silence of the night.

"I'm stuffed! Thanks a bunch, dear. I'll whip something up for you tomorrow," Eisa cleaned up his dirty dishes and put them in the sink. "What will you do, hun? I'll do the dishes. I'm the one who cooked," you tried to stop Eisa who wanted to wash all the dirty cooking and eating utensils.

"Honey, you already cooked, so it's my job to wash the dishes. You just sit here and keep me company," Eisa said as he gently pushed you back towards your chair.

You snorted and smiled, "Alright then." While waiting for Eisa to finish up, you strolled over to the sofa, picking up his cellphone that was lying around carelessly. You tried to change the music he was playing on his cellphone.

"Hey, why'd you change it? I have a weird taste in music, don't I?" Eisa walked over to you, looking a bit glum.

"Huh? No way, I like all the songs you like. They're unique. I just wanna hear a different song, and maybe dance and sing with you." you smiled and put the phone back on the table.

Eisa tilted his head and raised one eyebrow, looking a bit confused. You chuckled, he looked so cute and funny right now. "You're such a weirdo," he said.

You frown as you listened to what he had just said. "How so? I just wanna listen to some tunes and bust a move," You said in annoyance.

"You don't really like dancing, honey." Eisa holding your hand and squeezed a little tighter as he started to get anxious and confused. You stroked the back of his hand gently with your thumb to give him a sense of security and comfort.

You didn't say anything, just smiled and started slow dancing with him.

A confused Eisa just followed your lead slowly, your mouth murmuring some lyrics of the song that was playing with a slight smile.

I'm still young so I

Guess I'm still immature

Why am I so stupid

You're dancing happily, feeling warmth in your chest. It's just as good as the first time you did it. You steal the chance to kiss his cheek or hug him for a while. Then Eisa happily hugs you tightly and lifts you up while spinning. You both laugh happily.

As Eisa opens his eyes, the euphoria dissipates, leaving behind an emptiness that feels almost suffocating. Tears stream down his face, a mix of joy and sorrow that he can't quite comprehend. He wipes his face roughly, trying to rid himself of the overwhelming emotions.

The haunting melody of "Last Dance" by BIGBANG still echoes in the room, a cruel reminder of what once was. Eisa struggles to remember the last time he felt truly happy, truly alive. The song was yours, a favorite that you both loved to dance to, but now it only amplifies the emptiness he feels.

Eisa looks around the apartment, but nothing has changed. It's still the same as when he arrived, a silent witness to his pain. He tries to keep it together, to hold back the tears that threaten to engulf him. But it's no use. He sobs uncontrollably, feeling utterly alone and lost in the emptiness of the apartment. The song only adds to the unbearable sadness that engulfs him, a constant reminder of what he has lost.

Music keeps on playing and

I am here waiting for you

Give me a chance

Please just once

I promise you

It won't be long

Eisa bawled his eyes out and soaked in every single word and beat of that song.

I will sing this song

And I will return to you

If I can see

Your beautiful self again

I will listen to this song with you

And dance for the last time

Remember this moment

Forever if you must

Just one last dance

Yesterday night when I

Held hands with you and danced

With your radiantly glowing and

Beautiful one last smile

Red, orange, yellow, green

An ecstasy I can't know

It doesn't go with the world

That I used to see and feel

Yesterday night when I

Held hands with you and danced

With your radiantly glowing and

Beautiful one last smile

Red, orange, yellow, green

An ecstasy I can't know

It doesn't go with the world

That I used to see and feel

"Do you miss me again?" Eisa whispered to the empty room, tears streaming down his face. "Or am I the only one who misses you? It's been two years since you left, but I still can't forget you."

He tried to catch his breath, but his chest felt tight, like a weight was crushing it. "I'm sorry for bothering you even when you're not here. I'm sorry for making things difficult for you," he continued, his voice choked with sobs.

"I know you're gone, but I can't stop talking to you. Please forgive me." Eisa paused for a moment, his eyes closed tightly.

"Thank you for coming to me in my dreams, for making me laugh, hug and kiss me, feeding me and dance together with you again. Thank you for being with me, even though it's just in my mind." He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself.

"I promise this is the last time I'll talk to you like this. I'll try to move on and live my life, but it's so hard without you. Please wait for me on the other side. I'll come to you eventually, but for now, I need to learn how to live without you."

Eisa couldn't hold back his tears any longer. He cried alone in the silent and empty room until exhaustion and sorrow finally took over, and he drifted off to sleep, still holding on to the memory of his beloved.

[espsi]

tuna packs have become my new safety food

felt like b1nging on chips yesterday, had tuna instead. 70 cals vs only god knows

they're so filling too!! aaa

anyway new lw, 114.4 lbs, hoping I get down to 108 lbs around summer or less

I know a lot of people are wanting to hit their ugw's by summer but I want mine by winter 😭 I want a sk1nny birthday & christmas LMAO

I think I have seasonal depression or something, I feel so happy during the fall and winter months, but just... wanna d1e whenever summer and spring hit, my brain believes they're the worst seasons of all time

hopefully my Christmas pics this yr are something I can be proud of

... I've always had a habit of wearing oversized stuff, probably still gonna do that for my ugw, just be comfy and maintain.

never really minded how others saw me other than my mom and s/o, but I feel so. dysphoric(?) whenever I take showers or sleep nude because all I see is pig .

[beansnsoup]

Outreach Day

Xavier Thorpe x ftm!male!addams!reader

Summary: You have finally come to a comfortable point in your transition, a change in schools, a new wardrobe, new friends, but it can take one encounter to wreck it all but only one person to clean up that wreckage.

Warnings: bullying, transphobia, slurs (they're bleeped out to an extent), angst, FTM, deadnaming (D/M), mentions of wanting to d1e (in a I wanna get out of this situation way), spitting food out

-OMG I'm writing again! I think I have been accidentally shadow banned so that's why I took a very long break, I am back now though and still taking requests, I hope at least my followers will see this and if any of you know how to fix this shadow ban please comment or dm me because I will take any help I can get <3-

You walked into town with your sister's roommate, Enid, you all had just received the jobs you were assigned for the day that morning and were walking back from the mayor's speech, and you weren't too pumped about it. You were scanning around for your sister when she suddenly popped up behind you both.

"Enid, switch volunteer assignments." Wednesday wasn't really asking her, you stood to the side and waited for them to finish talking so you wouldn't have to walk alone. You've had enough problems in this town already, you didn't want to add on to the pile.

"What? No. Uriah's Heap is definitely not my bag." She said in a majorly disgusted tone. Wednesday shot back quick,

"It's an emergency. I need to check out Pilgrim World."

"But Wednesday, this is not a fair trade. Why would I agree to spend the entire day at some dumpy emporium of crapola?"

You cut in before Wednesday could, "I overheard Ajax talking to his friends this morning, he's volunteering there too. It would be a great time for you to make a move."

When Enid turned back to Wednesday after you told your point she was holding up her envelope for Uriah's Heap. "I can always just go, if you're not interested-"

"No! Oh my God, thank you. You guys are the best!"

She traded the papers and ran off towards the shop, you turn towards your sister, "Why do you want to go to Pilgrim World anyways? Weren't you dissing on it the other day?"

She stayed silent for a second, "I need something from there, it could help figure out the truth behind Rowan."

"Why didn't you just switch with me? I mean I'm all for Enid finally getting the balls to hit on him, but I'd rather go there than Pilgrim World." You asked her as you both started you way over there.

"I knew she would give in more easily."

You just stayed silent; you would still be at public school right now if it wasn't for Wednesday. Pugsley is staying just for the fact that your parents thought having him fend for himself for a bit would be better. You were moved to Nevermore along with Wednesday because you begged your parents for a new start, going to that school was terrible enough but going there while transitioning was even worse.

You were dead named almost every day, the number of times Wednesday had to defend you then help walk you to the nurse was embarrassing. So, after the piranha incident they enrolled you with her. You had a dorm all to yourself because your roommate switched last minute, wasn't like you were complaining, being alone suited you, gave you more time for reading.

Being switched to a new school with new people didn't mean there wouldn't still be transphobes, you still got slurs thrown your way. You were just glad it wasn't the whole school, just about 4 students.

You both reach Pilgrim World just in time for some introductions,

"Good Morrow, my young Nevermore kin. I am Mistress Arlene. A real OC. Original Colonist. Now prithee, put your cellphones on vibrate and make haste, for you are about to travel back in time to the year of our Lord 1625, to Jericho's first pilgrim settlement."

She turns around and walks at a fast pace to give us a tour,

"Yonder. Behold, the meeting house. Inside is a collection of artifacts related to Jericho's most beloved and pious founder, Joseph Crackstone. And beyond is our privy, America's first gender-neutral restroom."

Wednesday steps up, that's when you knew you were in for a treat,

"I haveth a query."

"Pray, be quick, child."

"In the meeting house, which of Joseph Crackstone's artifacts are on display?"

"It's truly a treasure trove, including original farm tools, tableware, even the Crackstone family chamber pot."

"Sounds fascinating. I volunteer to work there."

"Pray, no. That exhibit is being renovated. Today, thou will all be working at the beating heart of Pilgrim World."

-

"'Ye Olde Fudgery?'" Eugene asks out loud. You snicker under your breath as Wednesday responds to his out loud thought, "More like ye olde diabetes in a box."

"Volunteers, prick up thine ears. Fudge is the lifeblood of our humble community. And samples equal sales, so grab a uniform and a box and make our forefathers proud."

"Are these for muzzling tourists?" You ask, looking at Wednesday, then her, she is refusing to make eye contact with either of you. You grab a uniform and change into it in the bathroom, you readjusted your binder while you were in there, you know you would regret it, the one you bought was a size too small, so it was a bit uncomfortable, but you were glad to have one, nonetheless.

Mistress Arlene handed you a tray full of samples, you stood in a corner near the shop to slightly sponsor it from afar, the spot you chose barely had people near, so you were alone and unbothered, just how you liked it. There was also a clock you could look at, it was in a building near you, at an angle you could see the whole clock perfectly, then you could check how much more time you had left until you left.

Only 5 people had come up to you to taste a sample, you saw 2 of those 5 actually enter the fudgery, it was kind of embarrassing, you had a taste earlier and it was sort of bittersweet. The uniform wasn't doing you any justice either, it was kind of itchy. You glanced back towards the window to check the time and right below the building was a group of girls you never wanted to see again.

What were the doing here?

Did they know you were here?

Did she see me?

One of the girls stop talking, she stops her friends and points over to you, you see them mouth 'Oh my God' 'No way' and all this other stuff before they start to make their way over to you. You wanted to drop the tray and start running, or at least dig a hole, and bring the fudge, it could be your last meal as you die in that hole.

They finally reach their destination, which is of course you

"Oh my God? D/N! I feel like we haven't talked in forever. Didn't think i would see you here, especially wearing... that..."

You feel your face flush, where is Wednesday?

"That's not my name, it's Y/N, and I'm here for school."

"Oh, that's right, you're a tra--y. No wonder you go to school with a bunch of freaks."

Her friends laugh at her remark.

You wanted to die.

She grabbed a fudge off of your tray, chewed it for a good bit a spit it out right into your face,

"Jeez, that tastes like crap. Oops, sorry..."

You slowly wipe the fudge off of your face as you walk her and her friends walking away, your eyes swell up, there laughter keeps getting louder and louder even though they have walked away.

You needed to get out of here.

You dropped the tray to the ground and started towards the exit, you walk past Wednesday and Eugene, they're both looking at you. Before Wednesday can even catch you to ask for help in whatever it is she is doing you're already at the exit.

You didn't know where to go, Wednesday told you about that coffee place and how she had run into the sheriff there, maybe it would calm your nerves.

You open the door after you finally reach it, you stand there for a bit, taking in the ambiance of the place. You then walk up to the counter, checking out the menu, you can't even finish reading it because someone is staring at you.

"Yes?"

"Oh, sorry, you just looked a lot like somebody."

"Hm, you must be Tyler. I'm Wednesday's brother, Y/N."

"Oh, does she talk about me?"

"Yes, mostly about how much you irritate her."

You hear a snicker after that, you look behind you to find a boy from school, his name is Xavier, he's in your 3rd period. Tyler rolls his eyes and walks off to the back,

"Hey,"

"Hi,"

There it is, that's your comfort.

He makes you a drink and sits down with you, you didn't even have to ask him to, he asks you how your day has been, and you tell him everything, from how itchy the collar of your uniform was as soon as you out it on to the point where you were getting fudge spat in your face. He never butt in, he just listened to you, and for the first time in a while, you genuinely smiled.

And after that you guys talked for about 30 minutes, you both forgot you had work to do. A ding at the door distracts you both, you turn around to find Wednesday, she doesn't say anything, she just walks up to the counter. Before Xavier can go help her out Tyler beats him to it, which you were kind of glad about, that meant you could talk to him longer.

"Hey, I know this might be a bit forward, considering we technically just met even though you're in one of my classes, but did you maybe want to go to the Rave'N with me?"

You felt your face flush again that day, but not out of fright, okay maybe a little bit of fright, but more of shyness.

"Yeah, sure."

You were trying to seem as casual as possible,

"Cool, cool. Listen, i got to get back to work but I'll definitely talk to you later."

You smile, "Yeah."

You were actually excited for a school dance for once.

[toorebelstrawberry]

feel like ranting again (kinda)

Tbh I wanna be skinny so I can feel sick. I want someone to be worried about me, see me faint and call the hospital. I want to do sh so I can bleed out on the floor and d1e. I don't really want to be skinny but it's the easiest way for me to k1ll myself. I don't know why I feel like this, life has been going fine, I just feel like what's the point in living if life is so short and sad. I wish I was high all the time so I could pass this life on quickly

[x-honeycomb-x]

Ooc / I thought I had cancer last April (2022)

So I went to the gynecologist today, and the doctor said my cervix is normal and there’s no worry for cancer! (I got HPV, my stomach used to hurt)

I know people would have been happy. I do feel a relief. But there’s also anger, I really thought this was gonna be the death of me. I’ve wanted to d1e for so many years, I thought this was gonna be my ticket out of here.

I almost wished I had heart problems and cervix problems. I didn’t. I’m healthy.

i am so used to being in battle. but I’ve moved countries, I’m away from my family, I’m physically healthy. I am in a healthy working environment. I am not worried financially. I am not in toxic relationships. I am still in my battle mode but there’s nothing to fight anymore. I don’t know how to live in peace.

I find it hard to love life.

I watched The Black Parade Is Dead! and stimmed the fuck out. Very timely. I don’t have cancer, and Famous Last Words became very suiting mantras. “I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone, nothing you can say can stop me going home”.

I didn’t expect a gynecologist appointment would turn out to be so emotional. I would be getting my second HPV shot three months later and I should be done with this chapter. I’ll keep doing cervix exams once every three months for a year. Then every year. I’m still having a medical burnout 😭

how am I supposed to just love life. How am I supposed to just love life. How am I supposed to just love myself. Fuck this.

I’m a very capable person and I’m sure I’ll get it, maybe in a year. I’m just starting out and it feels weird, hollowing and I feel inadequate. It’s all part of the journey.

I don’t wanna get dinner tonight. And maybe that’s okay. It’s 9:23pm and life feels weird.

[blorbologist]

15 questions/15 people

Got tagged by @lumiereandcogsworth <33 ty! just the distraction I needed!

1. are you named after anyone? Yes, twice over! The Maggie part of my name comes from my mother’s grandmother, Margaret. There’s also a second part to my name I get from my father’s mother. (Fun fact, my brother’s got a name that’s been used for... I think four-five generations at this point KNTRKRTN The name I know my dad by is technically a middle name of his!)

2. when was the last time you cried? Oooofff... hmm. I think watching The end of Campaign 1 [TLOVM people do not click]. Especially the twins bit was my last really big cry. I teared up for TLOVM s2 eps 3 and 4 a lil, but that was just. full gross sobs. 

3. do you have kids? Nope! Cats don’t count. I am responsible for 40 corn snakes though :D

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? Oh, yes. 

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people? Hmmmmm I’m... not sure? Generally any big identifying features that aren’t eyes. So hair color, tats, silhouette. And even then I suck at identifying people, whoops.

6. what’s your eye color? Blue! They lean towards blue-grey most of the time, but as is the nature of Eyebols they can vary depending on lighting. Not very saturated blues usually, though - leaning slate, darker blue and even soft greenish sometimes. Another fun fact: neither of my parents have blue eyes, so I’m a fun lil recessive trait lucky shot in this way. 

7. scary movie or happy endings? Happy endings! I’m a huge coward and cannot watch scary stuff. 

8. any special talents? UHHHH writing a super massive longfic has got to count? I can draw decently good, and animate a lil if I have the time for it. wtf qualifies as a special talent uhhhh I know so much shit about dinosaurs you wouldn’t believe it? I apparently have a knack for experimental design, but we’ll see how that develops. I can belch very loud semi-on-command??!?

9. where were you born? Québec! [gonna add the accent on mobile it feels Sinful not having it there]. 

10. what are your hobbies? Writing, poking at worldbuilding/AUs and meta, drawing rarely, D&D [my lil lv1 D&D1E Cleric might die next session :D], listening to podcasts while I code data.

11. do you have any pets? Yes! Two young cats (Miss Thing and Pam, short for A Mistake or Something and Dopamine respectively) and Crumble, my beardie <33 getting on in years a lil ;;

12. what sports do you play/have you played? not much of a sport person - as a kid I was always the one coming in last on every athletics test. Thankfully my peers usually treated me like a charming class pet instead of bullying me for it, but over two decades in and doctors still haven’t figured out what the fuck is wrong so all physical activity is. eurg.

13. how tall are you? 5′4″!

14. favorite subject in school? take a wild guess - science. Though I only got biology classes in CEGEP, given the pure and applied sciences stream meant taking chem and physics instead :C Drama ended up being a surprising favorite, too, I initially thought I was gonna hate it. Art class was mildly stressful needing to adhere to the deadlines and follow the instructions, but drama? Drama was a fucking blast

15. dream job? sighs wistfully,,,, an academic research position... with tenure... a nice lil lab all my own... easy NSERC grants to fund my research... likely working with birds or reptile cognition. ATM I’m still figuring out exactly what I want my specialty, my niche, to be, but in the moment I’m very interested in how visible phenotype [color and pattern] interacts with the neurobiology of an animal and thus its behavior. Really wanna keep looking at species whose cognition is really overlooked, or has been in the field for a long time. I’d love to work with crocodilians or varanids sometime, or chickens!

tagging: @fatal-blow @mothmoron @cryptidfuckery @rightpastnowhere @katia-dreamer @essayofthoughts @burr-ell @romeoandjulietyouwish @ghostofwhitestone @waltwhitmansbeard @percivalium @angry-velociraptor @ anyone else who wants to be tagged because im Sleeby and going to bed and dont wanna keep looking for people to tag - nini! <3

[ur-moms-depressed-bestie]

I'm skipping school again because I'm nauseous

It's not like I'm lying I really feel terrible and am nauseous and if I were to go to school I'd be straight up miserable and have a panic attack

But my mom is getting angry with me

I have until after the next break from school (-> like 2-3 weeks) to get this under control

I know I'm like this all the time and I keep trying to skip school but what am I supposed to do

The only times I don't feel nauseous is when I eat little the day before so basically I have until after our break to properly restr1ct

Also I don't even know anymore my depression is getting worse and worse and I just don't see a point in trying

Why go to school if i'm miserable anyway? I feel terrible either way I don't wanna make it worse my life as it is is hellish enough

Why bother caring when it's all meaningless anyway

I'm failing at school anyway so why should I try

I want to d1e I'm just trying to fill my day with the slightly positive things I have left so it's more bearable and I can escape my thoughts for a while

When I'm away from those things I get really bad and everything is so loud and just terrfiying and miserable

I'm sorry I have to be such a burden, I'm sorry I developed mental illness and ik and I'm sorry that I can't do anything right anymore

[sh4k-thing]

8.) describe how you envision your ideal life partner?

13.) what was the premise of your last dream?

8. my first thought was @p4ss1on-d1es . take that how you will, i don’t know what to say.

13. this was from today actually, i was at school, and this guy i used to (focusing on the USED) be friends with was flirting with me in a weird way, but then he kinda dropped everything to flirt with my friend, and i was super confused not cus he switched so fast but bc in current day my friend is his ex (twice) and i have a boyfriend (that he’s friends with, lol) and i cant tell if it was a nightmare focusing on another thing that happened irl (that i don’t wanna get into) or just a really wack ass dream

[fortherecordimawareofthat]

vent under read more

I feel like theres no hope for me. That my mom is right about me. The abuse I experience is normal and okay and I'm just weak for being upset about it.

My mom is right in that I should d1e. But I've failed to many times. it seems like I just can't fucking d1e. I just wanna stop hurting people.

I'm unable to handle how the world really works, and me being in pain about it will just hurt people and I'm just fucking stuck.