#reasons i have considered going back to church 1. the music kind of rocks

[lucyvsky]

and now. to top it all off i have a hymn from church stuck in my head .

[elisabeth515]

(Some) Greek Gods as Historical Figures

So some days ago I secretly logged back into Mythology and Cultures amino and I stumbled across post of casting historical figures as the gods from Greek mythology. Of course, I hated it, so I made my version of this.

Note: Of course, this is going to have quite a lot of Napoleonic figures, since I am more familiar of this period, but please do reblog this post (or tag me on another post) with the hashtag “#mythical figures as historical people” and add some more of your historical figure Greek God fancasts!

Note 2: this post is for entertaining purpose, and just me introducing some guys to y’all and I am not a historian myself and hopefully you all would still like my takes😅

1. Zeus - Louis XIV of France

First and foremost, I shall introduce the king of gods featured in Greco-Roman myths. You may ask, why don’t I cast Henry VIII of England? Well, my reason is very simple: Henry is far from accurate to Zeus in actual myths.

To be honest, Zeus has a more “absolute power” energy in it, and Louis XIV totally has rocked it (like that iconic line “l’état, c’est moi (I am the state)”). Well, Henry also has that kind of energy but everyone only remembers his six wives and the uncountable number of bloodshed (not to mention Catherine of Aragon is a much better fighter than him—got this from Horrible Histories OwO)... Anyways, Louis XVI is basically a Zeus.

2. Hera - Catherine of Aragon

This brings to Catherine of Aragon herself. She’s a total Q U E E N and if you have watched “Six” the musical you already got what I mean (like, being the wife who married to Henry the longest). There’s also the early warlike aspect in Hera (featured in Homer’s works) that Catherine has it as well (at least you know that she’s getting more victories than Henry if you have watched Horrible Histories season 6, in the episode with Rowan Atkinson playing Henry VIII (which is sad because I want Ben Willbond to play him—he iconic to the HH fandom)), making her a great casting of Hera.

Hera, in my opinion, is a very strong woman who has to take Zeus’s shit and I could totally understand why she took revenge on the girls that Zeus has slept with—but anyways, hopefully you guys would like it :3

3. Aphrodite - Pauline Bonaparte

This is half-self-explanatory, really—just look at that statue she posed as Venus, the Roman equivalent of Aphrodite.

Pauline was famed for her beauty in her time, also a big chunk of scandals from her affairs (which bugs her big brother Napoleon, a lot). Nevertheless, despite her big spending habits and a great sexual appetite, she always helped Napoleon in some surprising ways (like she sold her house in Paris to the Duke of Wellington to get the funds for Napoleon).

Just like Aphrodite herself, Pauline harnessed her beauty very well. Thus, I rest my case.

4. Apollo - Joachim Murat or Emperor Franz Joseph I of Austria

(Warning: long content ahead)

Firstly, let me briefly introduce them because you guys might not know them much.

Joachim Murat was a marshal of France, also one of Napoleon’s brother-in-law, grand duke of Berg and Cleves from 1806 to 1808 and the King of Naples from 1808 to 1815. After the wars, he attempted to escape yet was caught and executed in 1815 in Pizzo, Italy (if you have read of Alexandre Dumas’s “Famous Crimes” you might know him—by the way no one has cut his head off and sent it to that big nose King Ferdinand).

For those who have watched “Elisabeth” or the “Sissi” movies, you might know Franz Joseph I of Austria already but you might not know much about himself besides being the husband of the (in)famous Empress Sisi (ie. Empress Elisabeth of Austria). He was the Emperor of the Austria from 1848 to his death in 1916—one of the longest reigning European monarchs in history. During his reign, the empire had been through a lot of change, most notably, the creation of Austria-Hungary. Nevertheless, he was also the Emperor who started World War I and he died of old age in the midst of the Great War.

For Apollo, I’m not casting musicians because this is quite overdone. I rather want to shed a light to the other arts that he represented in Greco-Roman mythology. This makes me want to draw a parallel to Joachim Murat as he was also a great sucker of classical literature. Plus, he also was known to be a flamboyant dresser (his nickname was “the Dandy King” by the way), also the designer of the uniforms of the Neapolitan army (with an excessive amount of amaranth, perhaps his favourite colour). Really, everyone just sees him as a great flamboyant himbo but in reality, he’s iconically badass in the battlefield as the First Horseman of Europe. Well, also he’s known for being extremely good with women even though his wife Caroline was fierce as hell. So, in my opinion, he fits the image of Apollo that we know.

However, you guys might feel surprised why I picked Franz Joseph for Apollo. Well, he really... was a rather mediocre ruler in my opinion, and perhaps our most memorable image of him was the senile emperor who signed the declaration of war to Serbia. Nevertheless, he was a well-liked man among his subjects, at least to some old citizens of Austria-Hungary telling future generations. Besides, culture flourished in Vienna under his reign—with notable figures like Sigmund Freud, Ludwig Wittgenstein and Erwin Schrödinger. Despite the series of unfortunate events which made the empire started to crumble, Austria-Hungary arguably has its cultural importance in Europe. Sounds like what Apollo would do if he’s a ruler, somehow.

Well, enough of his political achievements, let’s talk about his private life... which was probably the actual reason why I picked him.

Enter Duchess Elisabeth in Bavaria, the Empress of Austria and Queen of Hungary, also known as Sisi.

On a side note, Marshal Louis-Alexandre Berthier of France, Prince of Neufchâtel and of Wargram, was Empress Sisi’s grand-uncle in-law via his marriage to Duchess Maria Elisabeth in Bavaria

Absolutely love Pia as Elisabeth in the musical so please don’t mind me using a gif from this :3 ((also, “Elisabeth” spoiler alert

Franz originally was to marry her sister Helene (nicknamed Néné), nevertheless, on the first meeting in Bad Ishl, he has fallen for the young Elisabeth, head over heels—making him defying his domineering mother, Archduchess Sophie, for the very first time. Elisabeth also liked him and did not expressed her refusal either, so they got married in St. Augustine’s Church in 29th April, 1854.

However, the marriage was not well. Sisi was not accustomed to the strict Austrian court especially Archduchess Sophie (also she was not really a fan of intimacy). Poor Franz was rather helpless in situations between his mother and his wife, and eventually, Sisi chose her freedom over her duty as Empress, traveling around the world. They two briefly went back together during the Austro-Hungarian compromise, yet she was constantly not there. Eventually, Sisi was assassinated by an anarchist named Luigi Lucheni during her stay in Geneva, Switzerland, and Franz was devastated over her death (“she will never know how much I love her”).

To Franz, he loved her so, but he really didn’t understand her needs. Even though he had countless mistresses and female companions in Vienna, he still missed his wife. I say, he was really unlucky when it comes to love. Like Apollo himself, he dated countless nymphs and humans, but a lot of his notable relationships did not have a good end. (Probably Cyrene was the most lucky one, yet she also has chosen to be left alone after mothering several children with Apollo.) For this, I picked Franz Joseph as Apollo.

5. Ares - Jean Lannes or Michel Ney

As usual, for those who don’t know much history, I shall briefly introduce my babeys these two great soldiers.

Jean Lannes was one of the marshals of Napoleon, known for being one of Napoleon’s closest friends and his fiery personality, and is considered one of the best marshals of the 1st French Empire. His finest moments including the Battle of Ratisbon in which he led his men to storm the well-guarded city with ladders (hence his nickname “ladder lord” in our very humble Napoleonic marshalate fandom :3). Sadly, he died of the wound he received in the battle of Aspern-Essling in 1809.

Michel Ney was also one of the marshals of Napoleon, known for his extreme valour (yep, he is known as the “Bravest of the Brave”). As you might know, he was one of the marshals who was in Waterloo, yet, his finest hour was during the retreat from Russia in the disasterous 1812. Sadly, he was arguably the most prominent victim of the White Terror under the second Bourbon restoration, executed in 1815 (**I am not accepting any kind of conspiracy theories of my babey survived and died in America😤).

Speaking of Ares, I have a lot of things to say (that’s my dad ;-; no jkjk). He is really not that bloodthirsty idiot who casually hates humans. Well, he’s more like a fiery dork and a man who was very faithful to his lovers, and fights very well (by the way also one of the best dads). So, the bois that come into my mind are automatically two of the most courageous marshals of France.

Lannes, if I have to get him a godly parent, it would definitely Ares. He resembled the god a lot (also I sometimes imagined Ares as a smol bean with dark hair), probably looks the most like Ares himself. He got that fiery temper, that faithfulness to his wife Louise, also being a very courageous fighter in the field—well he literally was like, “NO LEMME STORM DAT CITY *grabs ladder*”.

There you have it, my big bro our ladder lord Jean Lannes who can pull off a perfect Ares.

Ney is like a slightly introverted (and mature) version of an Ares person. You can guess his temper already through his famed auburn hair, and indeed despite his shy exterior his temper sometimes was a bit explosive, and a bit impatient (which was somehow one of his fatal flaws). He was a great fighter, known as a skilled swordsman in his youth. And you all know how brave he is in his famed epithet. Michel Ney is purely badass (and C U T E) you know (and he needs a lot of hugs because he has really been though a lot in the wars, and was a possible case of PTSD which was shown in his arguably suicidal behaviour during the battle of Waterloo). That’s why I casted him as the Greek god Ares OwO

//

And there you have it, my interpretations on the Greek gods via people in history. I originally would like to include more but somehow I realised that I have written too much about my picks. So, if you want to add more, reblog this post or tag me on the post you made on this topic (and please use the hashtag “mythical figures as historical people” so that I could look into your choices via the search bubble on this app🥺).

Last but not the least, I hope you all lovelies like this, also have learnt something new via my brief introductions on some historical people. Have a great day!

[365days365movies]

February 21, 2021: The African Queen (1951) (Part 1)

The leading man!

It’s an old term from old Hollywood, and while leading men certainly exist today, it’s not something we really use anymore. And yet, we all have some concept of the leading man. First modern one that came to mind for me was Chris Evans. For the GF, it was this guy:

And that’s valid! But if we’re gonna talk about Hollywood’s leading men, we have to go BACK. FAR back, to the beginning of film, and to some of the most iconic film stars that helped define the term. These are guys like Errol Flynn, Jimmy Stewart, John Wayne, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Marlon Brando, James Dean, Rock Hudson, yesterday’s Cary Grant, and of course, Clark Gable.

And some of those guys will appear on this blog at some point this year, most likely. One of them is gonna pop up this month, even! But there’s one more leading man to talk about, and that’s Humphrey Bogart, one of the most prominent of the leading men of the 1940s and ‘50′s.

I mean, come on! Casablanca! He’s a classic leading man, and I’m excited to see more of him. But every leading man needs his leading lady, and there are plenty of classic ones to choose from. Lauren Bacall, Jean Arthur, Judy Garland, Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, Natalie Wood, Mae West, Joan Crawford, Bette Davis, Olivia de Havilland, Greta Garbo, Lena Horne, Sophia Loren, yesterday’s Deborah Kerr, my mom’s favorites Doris Day and Audrey Hepburn, and OF COURSE, today’s star: Katharine Hepburn.

The Philadelphia Story, Bringing Up Baby, Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner! Another classic leading lady in another set of classic films. And, OF COURSE, these two starred together in today’s movie, The African Queen. And who’s the director of this film? MOTHAFUCKIN’ JOHN HUSTON BOIIIIIIIIIIII

Director of The Maltese Falcon, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The Asphalt Jungle, Moby Dick, The Misfits, the original Casino Royale, and weirdly enough, Annie. AND he was an actor in The Bible, Chinatown, The Hobbit, The Black Cauldron, and weirdly enough, Annie! Goddamn, this movie’s got a lot of talent behind it! I’m genuinely looking forward to watching this, considering that it’s often considered one of the best films of the 1950s. So let’s do it, yeah? SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

We begin in German West Africa, where...yeah, it’s a little uncomfortable from modern day standards, as a group of indigenous people are in a service at a constructed Methodist Church, where two missionaries, Rose Sayer (Katharine Hepburn) and her brother, Reverend Samuel (Katharine Hepburn), are pretty unsuccessfully leading the singing of hymns.

As they do so, a boat called the African Queen pulls up, captained by Charlie Allnut (Humphrey Bogart). When he pulls up, he delivers needed supplies and mail to the village, which disrupts the ceremony (thank God), and leads to an interaction between Allnut and the Sayers, who invite him to tea.

The Canadian Allnut seems to be pretty relaxed, while the British Rose and Samuel are obviously pretty stuck-up. But this is probably not going to matter soon, as Allnut delivers the news that World War I has begin, leaving the status of the British missionaries in German-occupied West Africa in danger.

And as soon as they realize this, a group of German soldiers comes through the village, and soldiers gather up all of the people from their houses, and...Jesus, they set fire to the place! Why? I mean, it’s war, duh, but WHY? The villagers are taken away for what I’m sure are totally good reasons, as the village of Kungdu burns to the ground. Samuel and Rose are left behind, and Samuel’s clearly a little fucked up by the encounter with the soldiers.

Soon after, Samuel seems ill, forgetting that they’re even in Africa. She helps him to his room, and he falls to the ground, obviously not well. It’s central Africa, so this could be malaria, trypanosomaisis, yellow fever, a BUNCH of shit. But I’m sure he’s gonna be fine. He’ll be fiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

Oh, wait, he’s dead. We find that out when Charlie arrives to deliver more bad news: people are being taken from their homes to forcibly join the army, and the villages are destroyed in order to give them no place to go back to. Which is...disgusting, fuck me. 

They bury Samuel, and Charlie takes Rose onto The African Queen so that they can get away from the village before the soldiers return. This is backed by...very light-hearted music. Very poorly-timed sprightly music. I dunno, it really just doesn’t match the done, given that Sam just died, and they’re trying to escape.

We learn what some of the issues are for our two. The British won’t easily be coming because of the various German fortifications, including a large ship called the Königin Luise on a nearby lake. Said boat has a massive gun on it, posing major damage to any enemies. 

But Rose has an idea: using explosive gel and some pipes and cylinders, she has an idea to use The African Queen itself as a torpedo to plow up the Luise. Charlie points out that the only where there is down the dangerous Ulanga River, and past a German fort. And Rose guilts him for not wanting to help his Queen and country. And, with that, he agrees.

From there, it’s time for a boat trip! Like a road trip, but with a boat! Katherine learns to steer, and Charlie notes that he hasn’t fixed the safety mechanism on the engine because he likes kicking it. Y’know, psychologists say that catharsis doesn’t work like that, Charlie.

It would seem that Charlie knows this, and settles instead for a drink. And as he brings out his bottle of gin, Rose looks ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIED. Like he brought out a dead body instead of a bottle of alcohol; it’s even backed by this bombastic DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN in the score! It’s weirdly hilarious.

The two take separate baths in the river, which has gotta be FULL of a bunch of stuff, but whatever. They tuck in for the night as it rains, and Charlie’s stuck outside while Rose gets the tent. Which is...supremely unfair, and ASKING for Charlie to get malaria or other diseases. Thankfully, Rose realizes this and allows him inside.

The next day, they come upon the rapids, which look dangerous...but also kind of fun, it that weird to say? I dunno, I’d go rafting down those. On a related note, I’ve never been whitewater rafting. Maybe one day, huh? Well, despite the ride and again, WEIRDLY sprightly music, they survive...and more. See, Rose LOVED it. Like, really LOVED it. She compares it to a bonafide religious experience, and says that she’s never experienced such joy from a...physical experience.

So, either she’s an adrenaline junkie, or that was some, uh...foreshadowing. Charlie’s a little less excited by this, and notes that the upcoming rapids are far worse. And Rose is just...SO FUCKING PUMPED for this. Shit, I think something’s awoken in her. Get this lady to a theme park, STAT!

But again, Charlie is NOT happy about this, and gets kinda drunk later in the day. While drunk, he insults her plan, and goes back on his agreement to go on. She calls him a coward, and she calls him a “crazy, psalm-singin’, skinny old maid.” Um, Charlie, maybe not the best idea to do that to a woman who’s just learned to joys of adrenaline and tsting her limits. She might retaliate by, I dunno...throwing all of your gin over the side of the river while you’re asleep.

Yeah, like that. Exactly like that. Some drunk fish in the river today, lemme tell you.

Anyway, despite this, Rose is pissed off, as Charlie still won’t go down the river. As he insists that all that’s down the river is death, she still insists that he promised to go. He finally agrees, despite thinking that they’re doomed to be food for the crocodiles. And so, they go.

They pass the fort, the Shona, and the Germans do indeed fire at them as they go down. And I mean the ENTIRE time they pass. They hit the engine, and Charlie has to fix it right amidst all of this. They also hit the boxes of blasting gel, but they don’t go off. And, as Rose rightly suggested earlier, the sun gets in the soldiers’ eyes as they try to fire on them. And they pass without a hitch! Except for oooooooooone tiny detail.

HALFWAY POINT! See you in Part 2!

[guymaito]

For the ask thing :3:

Top 5 animals? Top 5 fav/comfort movies? Top 5 fav cartoons/shows?

I’m honestly glad to know theres other people including you who actually like Pakku and his character :3 Yes he was a completely asshole at the start but he did change, it’s just that it was so subtle that not everyone saw it

Also random song associations with characters:

Fighter by Jack Stauber reminds me very well of Piandao, Pakku, and Jeong Jeong as their younger selves during the war.

Why do I associate Grace by Lewis Capaldi with Bumi? (the music video tho would give more context to why it might make sense)

Oh Klahoma by Jack Stauber reminds me of Piandao and his overall anxieties for his partners.

Consider some of these songs as sorta song recs? Idk but still :3

1. Giraffes!! the reason why their tongues look like That is cause of extra melanin and to prevent sunburn!!

2. Seals!! there are 33 different kinds of pinnipeds and there over 50 extinct pinnipeds

3. Dogs!! they can only see in shades of blue and yellow, so bright red roses look yellowish brown and lively green grass look dehydrated and dead

4. Crows!! a group of them are called a murder

5. Cows!! they’re actually colorblind, they can’t see red specifically, so male cows, bulls aren’t getting mad at the color, they’re getting angry at the movement

1. The Losers movie from 2010, it’s a action mystery movie about Clay and his team that are a part of an elite US Special Forces Unit and are approached by a mysterious woman to exact revenge on their handler, Max, who betrayed them and just,,,the characters, CHRIS EVANS, jake jensen and all of his kinda weird glory, THE ELEVATOR SCENE, also cougar!!

2. Captain America and The Winter Soldier movie, it’s a action movie, which makes me realize that a lot of my faves are prolly gonna be action something, but anyways, it’s about Steve Rogers, who now lives in the nation's capital as he tries to adjust to modern times. An attack on a S.H.I.E.L.D. colleague throws Rogers into a web of intrigue that places the whole world at risk. Joining forces with the Black Widow, Natasha Romanov, and a new ally, Sam Wilson, Steve struggles to expose an ever-widening conspiracy, but he and his team soon come up against an unexpected enemy. oh my god,,,just,,,the fight scenes, the running scene at the beginning of the movie, steve meeting sam that way, just everything!! this was also my introduction to marvel so in my mind no other marvel movie can live up to this (other than spiderman away from home)

3. Spiderman Far from Home, again, it’s a action movie, i’m not gonna explain this cause the post is getting long, but!! mj and peter!! just,,,all of their scenes!! also jake gyllenhaal!! the fight scenes!! the soundtrack!! everything about it is amazing!!

4. Thunderforce, again, i’m not gonna explain, it’s an action adventure and comedy movie (ofc it is look at the other 3 🙄 /s), the relationship between lydia and emily!! the relationship between lydia and emily’s daughter!! the humor!! the fight scenes!! the soundtrack!!,,,,just everything about is good despite the bad ratings

that’s more like a top 4 than a top 5 but that’s like,,,,all the movies i genuinely like and will rewatch if given the chance and for that where’s a honorable mention: Hamilton (the movie version on disney+ that came out i think nearly a year ago), the soundtrack is amazing, the characters are better, got some funny moments and is mostly historically accurate, like yeah angelica did forget her name cause at the time of her meeting alex ham, she was married to a man named john church (or something church idk) so her last name was church but she introduced herself to alexander as angelica schuyler, not angelica church, so in satisfied she was telling the truth about forgetting her own name, but in the same song she said that her father had no sons even though the real angelica had 3 brothers.

1. Avatar the last Airbender, ofc or else i would have a blog (mostly) centered around it and it’s sequel /s but fr though?? it’s such a good show!! zuko’s redemption arc, iroh’s redemption arc (even though his more subtle than zuko’s) , aang!! love him and his character so much, especially when he gets to be a sassy little shit, sokka and his shit humor and brains, katara, toph, hakoda and HIS shit humor, the fight scene with hakoda (he fights kinda like a waterbender, using his opponent’s momentum against them), bato and his lovely, lovely voice, piandao, aang going ‘how about he get on YOUR back and you can fly us to the south pole’ or something like that to sokka after he complained about appa not flying higher, the boiling rock episodes, hakoda apparently being a good dad but a shitty prison riot starter (love that for him), just!! atla is such a good ass show, im not changing my mind. also!! i like the way they introduced ozai, not showing his face but still presenting him as not only a shit dad, but a shit person as well, like up until book three, we only saw him like, the neck down and in like, a flashback or two (i don’t really remember how many flashbacks ozai was in actually cause it’s nearly been a full year since i last watched it) and that’s it, so it made seeing his face for the first time all the more better cause you was already like ‘what the hell does this shitbag look like’ and then you see him and now ur like ‘oh!! THATS what he looks like!!’

2. The Legend of Korra, again, ofc or else i wouldn’t have a blog (mostly) centered around it and it��s prequel, just,,,,korra’s arc from being hot headed to calm is fantastic but also sad considering the way she went from that to this, korra’s book 1 character!! for whatever reason i really like b1 korra, just,,her design, her hair style (even though she had it for nearly the entire series) just!!! book 1 korra <3, also the entirety of book 1!! just amon posing as a anti bender nonbender despite being a waterbender himself, the scene where tenzin and his kids nearly lost their bending, which would’ve meant that, if tenzin did lose his bending but his kids didn’t, that would’ve meant the strongest airbender would’ve been his 11 year old daughter, the gruesome way to end the season finale episode by doing a murder suicide which was dark as fuck for what?? a kids show??, also the villains in this show!! their good as hell!! the backstory of the red lotus and how and why they were created?? amon and his anti bending?? kuvira and her plan to basically rule the earth kingdom (idk i haven’t finished book 4), unalaq and his spiritual stuff and wanting to become a dark avatar and fusing with vaatu?? also!! the other disturbing scene of korra basically getting tortured near the end of book 3, i mean?? it deadass left her hella traumatized and unable to walk, again hella dark for a fucking kids show

3. The Walking Dead, even though i haven’t finished it or watched in like, 4-5 months, i just,,,the way the presented negan!! practically foreshadowing him the entirety of season 6!! him appearing at the very end of the season 6 finale and pretty much having an entire episode dedicated to him in the very beginning of season 7 (which is why some fans argue he was introduced in s7 not s6 cause of the fact that he didn’t show up until the very end of the s6 finale but had an entire episode with him in it in s7, while others say vice versa cause the very the first time we see him was in s6 not s7), the fact that the walking dead logo was getting progressively more and more decayed as the series go on?? the fact that the WALKERS (the zombies) are getting more and more decayed as the series go on?? dale’s death scene?? shane’s death scene?? negan’s relationship with rick’s daughter?? the fact that this show also has what?? 11, 12 seasons?? which reminds me that i’m still on season 9 of twd

4. Sabrina the Teenage Witch, just,,,salem and his sarcasm?? sabrina’s aunts?? sabrina herself?? just!! everyone is just so fucking funny in this show it’s unreal, specially salem!! a lot of my favorite scenes have salem in them, the ‘are you on a women’s chat room again?’ (or something like that) and salem saying ‘i like the attention’ in response, that one harvey and salem scene that i don’t know how to describe without turning this into a giant paragraph like the ones before this one

5. blue’s clues, it was my favorite childhood show and i love the reboot of it so much!! especially p for pride moment in that song i don’t remember the name of, blue themself!! steve leaving which was sad but getting an equally amazing host in the process?? amazing!! the scene where salt and pepper introduced their baby, paprika?? just,,,it’s such good show and i loved it when i was younger and i still love it now!!

[bitnotgood28]

Thank you @hometothecanyonmoon for tagging me!!

1) When did you become a Louie?

Embarrassingly late. I’d say around mid-April 2020, since that’s around the time I learned about Larry and joined the 1D fandom. I focused mostly on Louis and Harry and whatever they got up to, so during that I just noticed little quirks and started to pick up on their personalities. Harry is sweet and dorky and I adore him, but I love Louis’ wit and his sarcasm and his compassion, basically his character in general. Afterwards, I learned that Louis has recently released LT1, so I downloaded the entire album to give it a listen and have not stopped listening since. His whole album is a blessing, all of his music is so meaningful and touching; you’ve heard his songs and lyrics, yeah?

2) Why did you become a Louie?

Multiple reasons, the two main ones being his music and his personality. I’m not greatly interested in the type of music that’s mostly being released at present (no offense meant), and Louis’ voice is just incredibly unique, something I really like in artists. Everything that he’s written has been sincere and expressive, like a touch of rawness in them, especially when he sings. There’s just so much emotion behind every word and note, and his voice!! It has the sweetest rasp to it and his voice has gotten stronger and more powerful over the years, yet it can still be soft and light like during the bridge in Defenceless. He is also such a sweetheart, treating everyone kindly and with understanding unless he thinks they’re undeserving of it. The way he socialize with children and animals makes my heart melt, he looks so happy and excited during those interactions with his crinkling eyes and his smile-goodness, he is truly God’s gift.

3) One thing that drew you in specifically?

Easily his charisma and satire. His humor and jokes always stood out to me during interviews, his quips are just hilarious, that sweet boy. He draws attention to himself and leaves an imprint on you, and you get attached to him and his personality and his cheekbones-essentially his entire being. I was also kind of irritated with the amount of lines he and Niall were given compared to the other boys, so I paid more mind to the two of them (along with Harry) at the beginning. I think it’s also because I tend to notice those who aren’t as noticed or not quite under the spotlight-is that they proper description? Anyway, between Louis and Niall I wound up taking more of a liking to Louis with his sass and his cheek and his eyelashes. Man, is he even real? He’s so sweet and genuine, he’s endured so much and has continued to stand strong after each blow; it’s as heartbreaking as it’s inspiring. I just want to wrap him in a blanket and take him far away from all the cruelty present in the world, maybe feed him some tacos and stroke his hair until he falls asleep. He can still joke around and enjoy life while also doing his job and doing it brilliantly, might I add. I feel like he’d be a wonderful best friend to have, empathetic and supportive, someone you’d be able to stir up chaos with but also who’d keep your moral compass pointing in the right direction. Honestly, I’m quite certain that God created him with the thought of sunshine and sunflowers in His head.

4) Favorite song on Walls?

Oo, that’s difficult. I love Always You, its tempo and it’s tune are just really lively and upbeat. I’ve also got a special place in my heart for the lyrics of Fearless (God, that second verse and chorus and first verse - the whole song), Defenceless (“I come running to you like a moth into a flame,”? “I’m too tired to be tough, just wanna be loved by you,”???), Only For the Brave (“It’s a church of burnt romances and I’m too far gone to pray,” “All the lonely shadow dances from the cradle to the grave,” this song is so lyrically poetic and I love every second of it), and Two of Us (the bridge.. God it’s so melancholy yet somewhat hopeful[?]). Kill My Mind also has this great indie rock sound to it, I’d gladly listen to it for hours. I.. am realizing that this absolutely does not answer the question, but I hope you now understand how good Louis’ songs are and how much I love them <333

5) Who would you want Louis to collab with?

Okay, I took a bit of time on this and I think one would be Alessia Cara. I’d really like to hear how they would sound together, considering how unique and distinctive both of their voices are individually, and how the music they produced would mesh with each other. Another would probably be Ed Sheeran, lyrically I think they’d be quite powerful like Louis and Alessia, but I’m not sure how they’d sound as a unit. It’d be interesting to hear though, I’m sure. Last is Harry, and if you’ve heard edits and that duet in the chorus of Truly, Madly, Deeply, you know what I’m talking about and you know how good they sound together.

6) Favorite Hairstyle?

Peaky blinders is one, he looked like a sweet little hedgehog during that time. Cinnamon swirl is also high on the list. He looked like actual royalty (I mean when doesn’t he, but this is god tier princely) and everything was right in the world. He was just- the living embodiment of delicate. His messy quiff and messy fringe back in 2013-2014 were just.. so attractive? Those hairstyles also make me miss seeing his full face :((

7) Back to You, Just Hold On, or Miss You?

(where is the Just Like You option)

I love the lyrics and meaning behind Just Hold On, it’s all really hopeful and motivating. The whole song was really well done, Louis and Steve Aoki did such a good job. Miss You also has a great sound to it, and you can really hear his accent throughout the whole song (fook, luv, anova, need I go on). I also love the bit of violin (I think it’s a violin) they added in the second pre-chorus and final chorus? It adds kind of like a lighter factor to the heavy guitar and drums already present in the song, and some sort of assurance that everything will be okay (I’m bad at describing things I’m sorry akdjsjdj). Back to You, God the notes they hit during that song.. beautiful (“We don’t know how to make it stop,” and “I love it, I hate it and I can’t take it,”). Can I also just say that Louis and Bebe both looked really, really attractive during that music video? Like damn please hold back on the extra chili, it’s already hot in here.

8) Louis in suits or sweaters?

Louis in suits is just.. all his assets (ha) are accentuated and he looks so sharp and beautiful, his shoulders just a bit broader, and his curves more defined. Then when he wears blue suits, his eyes are just that much more blue. Louis in sweaters, on the other hand: sunflowers incarnate, sunshine and kittens, a soft heated blanket with socked feet and a fireplace while snow falls softly outside the window. He looks so, so warm and huggable and sweet with his sweater paws- imagine being his friend and being able to cuddle him? Just snuggle and chat about what he’s got prepared for LT2, maybe watch a horror movie. God truly has His favorites. In conclusion: Louis in sweaters.

9) Favorite tattoo?

I think the compass was really well made, like the shading and the contours make it look almost lifelike. Then it points to HOME, which I think is so sweet and personal, like he already knows what ‘home’ is to him and he’s sure that that’s where he’d want to go back to, every time without a doubt. I also like the “It Is What It Is” tattoo, it’s written elegantly, kind of like a Ballantines font and it’s definitely an eye-catcher, displayed on his chest. The stag one also isn’t bad, its right eye is just a bit more bugged out than the other. It makes it a lil more special though, it’s easily identifiable as Louis’ tattoo because of that and the antlers are sort of majestic.

10) Favorite Louis photo (currently)?

I am going to pretend I read that as ‘photos’ because I am an indecisive little shit :))

(HELLOOOO HE LOOK LIKE THE SWEETEST HEDGEHOG // He is just- in his element, he is living up there)

(He makes the tousled hair look so good what the hell // Does this need elaboration, I mean, his smile literally powers everything on earth, and the crinkles by his eyes, and his sweater, and his lil canines, and-)

(Please God he is. Ethereal. Stunning. Perfect. In both photos, his eyes are just. Bright. And the cinnamon swirl, I- I’ve ascended to a higher plane of existence. He’s just so beautiful. Gorgeous really.)

11) Random extra?

When one is given the opportunity to express their love for Louis Tomlinson’s accent, one must accept.

His accent is like. Familiar, a bit like home (no, I’m not English), and I love that he’s been able to keep it even after years of living abroad. He has one of those accents where you can tell it’s present even when he sings, and when he uses endearments, God, it’s just so charming and sweet. It’s also really strong and distinctive, you can tell who he is by the first syllable or word he says. It’s a part of who he is and I love it so much and I love him so much, Jesus Christ akjskjd

I had fun being able to talk about Louis in this, there’s so much to him and every bit of it is another ray of sunshine <333

I tag @adorelou-28, @makethebestofwhatyouget, @28-oops-hi, and anyone else who wants to do this, no compulsions :))

[quadraphonictypewriter]

Jon Lord, Deep Purple

Original article by Lee Marlow which was first printed in the Leicester Mercury in July, 2000.

-

You join us in the hallway of Jon Lord's sprawling Henley-on-Thames home.

Him, Leicester born, millionaire keyboard maestro with rock legends Deep Purple and Whitesnake; me, Leicester-born over-eager hack with a headful of daft questions he's answered a thousand times before.

Holding out a hand, Mr Lord, the David Niven of rock 'n' roll, greets me like a long-lost friend.

Grey stubble frames his face and a head full of slate grey hair is tied neatly in a pony tail.

"Good to see you... find it all right?... blah... terrible weather again isn't it... blah... Yes, it is nice round here isn't it... George Harrison lives just down the road... blah... we're touring in August... blah... on the road in South America..."

He hardly stops to draw breath as we settle in the cream lounge.

I can't help but notice the luxurious off-white carpet is so plush that I can trace my footsteps from the oak door to the immense sofa and, in the corner, a small cinema screen masquerades as a TV.

Life has been kind to Jon Lord.

He's sold millions of records and, erm, "rocked" the biggest audiences the world over – from the 200,000 fans at the California Jam in the mid-1970s to last year's hybrid Royal Albert Hall gig featuring Deep Purple and the London Symphony Orchestra.

Purple, his mainstay band of the past four decades, are about to hit the road again.

Lord admits that after all this time it's hard to resist.

"I don't need to do this anymore," he says, "but it is immense fun.

''I do see a time when we'll have to call it a day, of course, but when? I know I can't do it when I'm 90, but..."

It's all a long way from life at 120 Averill Road, where Mr Lord senior packed socks by day and played sax by night and where the young Lord enjoyed "a perfect childhood," roaming through the nearby countryside with his grubby-faced pals.

An after-school diet of piano lessons, homework and bike riding, however, left a teenage Lord facing an extra year at Wyggeston School.

"I just wanted to play with my friends," he says. "But it was always homework and piano lessons. Something had to give – and it was usually homework."

After being sacked from his first two jobs in Leicester, Lord left for London to study acting and played roll-out-the-barrel-style standards in smoky pubs to pay his rent.

Despite his best intentions, Lord's hopes of becoming an actor were overtaken by his desire to play rock 'n' roll and by the mid-60s, he'd been roped in to play keyboards on The Kinks' You Really Got Me.

"All I did was plink, plink, plink," he laughs. "It wasn't hard."

But from there, Lord and his trusty Hammond organ didn't look back.

He had a top 10 hit with Let's Go To San Francisco with The Flowerpot Men and was pocketing the princely sum of £60 a week.

Lord's future was bright. In fact, his future was Purple.

The group formed in 1968 and had a smash hit in the US with Hush at the end of the year. Three decades later, Kula Shaker took the same song to No 1 in the UK charts. ("Good version as well," says Jon, "if a bit too fast.'')

Purple opened for Eric Clapton's Cream in the States, but after five storming gigs they were taken off the tour as the energised Purple boys blew Slowhand's shambolic drug-addled trio off stage.

"We got on well with them. They had no idea we were to be taken off the tour – they were too stoned!" recalls Jon.

Back home, Purple instigated the first of many line-up changes, welcoming new singer Ian Gillan and bass player Roger Glover – a switch which heralded a new era for Purple and, with it, British rock.

"We knew we had something. It was just so exciting. We used to practice every afternoon and then gig every night."

Gillan brought more than great vocals to the band – his jet-black long hair and charisma attracted the ladies as well.

"There were plenty of groupies at that stage," smiles Lord.

And?

"Well, let's just say if you give a young lad a bit of money and untroubled access to nubile young women – it's not a bad life is it?"

Even at the wrong side of 50, Gillan, it appears, still has a certain charm with the opposite sex. Lord and Gillan were recently interviewed by former Watchdog beauty Alice Beer for the BBC1 religious show H&E.

"I might as well not have been there," smiles Lord. "She was completely taken by Gillan. And after the show they left together and went for a drink. No, I don't know what happened!"

The first five years of the 1970s saw Deep Purple trapped in a perpetual album-tour-album loop. The shows were sold out and the albums – In Rock, Fireball, Machine Head, Made In Japan, Who Do We Think We Are? – all went platinum.

They made a wodge of money, concedes Jon, but their managers made more.

Yet despite the excess (they also had their own plane, naturally), Lord steered clear of drugs.

"I can say hand-on-heart we were never really a drug band. My Dad bought me my first pint and I was still very much a lad from Leicester, you know.

"I experimented with drugs, of course I did. I smoked grass, but it left me sitting in a corner, introspective and giggling to myself.

"I had a brief flirtation with cocaine in the late 1970s but, to be honest, I don't really like being out of control."

The drugs came later. American Tommy Bolin, drafted in to replace the increasingly moody and erratic guitarist Ritchie Blackmore, succumbed to a long-term heroin habit in 1976 and Lord still recalls the time a cocaine dealer chased bassist Glenn Hughes on to the band's private plane, demanding $3,000.

By 1976, the writing was on the wall for Purple and its elaborate brand of rock music. Punk was the new king.

Lord retreated to the States for two years. But former Purple leader David Coverdale was looking for someone to become the new ivory tinkler in his new outfit, Whitesnake, and Lord fitted the bill.

"He wouldn't take no for an answer. I harboured no ambition to be Whitesnake's keyboard player, but he was very, very insistent."

Persuasive Coverdale might have been, but financially generous he certainly wasn't.

"I was in Whitesnake from 1978 to 1983 and he paid me abysmally! I complained regularly and he'd say 'Ok, leave it with me', but it never changed.

"It was a good laugh – that was the main reason I stayed in the band. It was ironic that in the middle of this punk revolution we were playing white R&B and selling out tours."

Strangely, considering the times, Whitesnake's brand of sexist crab-paced rock was a hit.

They were the biggest-grossing tour band in Europe by 1981. But Coverdale – secretly nicknamed Elsie by the band because of his louche on-stage antics and some of his cheesy lyrics – wanted success in America. At all costs.

"It was all style over substance towards the end," sighs Lord. "The band lost its heart. It was just about posing."

The music might have lost its soul, but Whitesnake – complete with a new band of poodle-permed hired hands in black spandex and glitter jackets – went on to sell 17 million albums in 1987.

Lord, meanwhile, had answered the call to reform Deep Purple.

"The critics said Purple getting back together was about money. It was never about money," says Lord. "It was exciting for us and the fans when we got back together."

And that's where he's been ever since. In truth, the reformed band never quite graced the same artistic heights they reached in their heyday, but on the concert circuit they're still capable of selling out a Wembley Arena or NEC.

"I don't enjoy touring in the way I used to, but those two hours on stage make up for it.

''The day I can't open that door and look forward to it is the day I say, 'Thank you very much and goodnight'."

And that's about it. Interview over. I've got more daft questions but, crikey, I've been here for more than three hours and he needs to finish a musical extravaganza he's writing for the local church. Phew, rock 'n'roll.

"Take care driving back," he says, "and give my love to Leicester."

[hmel78]

In conversation with Keith Emerson ...

Keith Emerson (02.11.44  – 11.03.16)

The Father of progressive rock; the man responsible for the introduction of the Moog synthesiser to the ears of the unsuspecting music lover in the 1960’s; and without a doubt one of the 20th and 21st Centuries (to date) most prolific and talented composers of modern classical music.   In a career spanning 6 decades, which has earned him notability as a pianist and keyboard player, a composer, performer, and conductor of his own music alongside the World’s finest orchestras; as well as achieving super success with “Emerson, Lake, and Palmer” - 2014 has been no less eventful for Keith Emerson! With his 70th Birthday approaching, Helen Robinson caught up with him for a very ‘up-beat’ chat about (amongst other things) the re-releases of his solo records, a brand new album with Greg Lake “Live at Manticore Hall”, his favourite solo works, and his memories of the times spent writing and recording with ‘The Nice’, and ‘ELP’.

HR : This has been a busy year for you so far Keith!   KE : Yes! I’ve been up to allsorts! [laughs]

Music wise – what can I tell you?   Cherry Red , Esoteric, have re-mastered and re-released 3 of my solo albums – “Changing States”,  another which I recorded in the Bahamas called “Honky”, and a compilation of my film scores which consisted of  "Nighthawks”, “Best Revenge”, "Inferno”,  “La Chiesa (The Church)”, "Murderock”, "Harmagedon” and "Godzilla Final Wars”.

HR : That must have been a difficult selection to make based on the number of scores you’ve written! Do you have a particular favourite genre of film to write a score for?

KE : Favourite genre?  Boy, well, I just love film score composition, you know? When I first started I had been touring with ELP for some years, and we’d toured with a full 80 piece orchestra but it was just too expensive – we had to drop the orchestra and continue as a trio, which was very upsetting for me.   I was entranced by what an orchestra could actually do, and found that with doing film music I could work under a commission and have the orchestra paid for by the film company!

It’s always a challenge. I think a lot of composers like to write dramatic music. I like writing romantic music as well – I’ve also written for science fiction where you can let your musical imagination go pretty much where you want, but generally you have to cater specifically to the film. First of all I like to get a good idea of who the producer and director is, and who is likely to be cast as playing the lead roles.  I like to read the script – which helps prior to meeting up with the director and producer. When I wrote the music to Night Hawks I was sent, by Universal films, news of a new film to be made by Sylvester Stallone, a new guy at the time called Rutger Hauer, and Billy Dee Williams, also Lindsay Wagner.   It was basically a terrorist film – not the terrorism that we shockingly see today – but back then it was the beginning of terrorism and was quite mild by today’s standards, however it was still sort of ground breaking as far as writing the score was concerned.  

It’s about vision with film score work.

Although really it’s all about vision with anything you’re writing, and I suppose many of the disagreements that ELP had during their time – of course a lot of it came to wonderful fruition – were not seeing eye to eye because we had such different tastes in music. Ubiquitous I would say – we bounded from one thing to another. Just when you thought it was getting serious we’d want to have some fun and do something light hearted but I’ve always maintained that variation is essential.

I think that’s what helped ELP quite a lot – especially live - in any particular set you had the heavy stuff like “Tarkus” and “Pictures At an Exhibition”, for the guys in the audience, and for the females who attended reluctantly - dragged along by their boyfriend or husbands and just sit there -  I mean, I didn’t sit, I was standing and leaping around [laughs] but you couldn’t help notice the glum looking females in the audience wondering when all this was going to be over.

I think when ELP were together as a unit, we managed to meet everybody’s needs. Greg came up with some really great ballads which sort of got home to the feminine heart, like “From The Beginning” – the feminine heart goes “aaah aint that nice” [laughs] and then suddenly you get the bombardment of something like “Karn Evil 9” and it’s like “Oh GOD”!!

HR : I’d like to talk more about ELP, of course, however there’s so much more outside of that unit , which you have been involved with, that has had quite an influence on modern music.   You’ve got an extraordinary and fairly extensive discography, which we can pick whatever you’d like to talk about, but I’d like to start with ‘The Nice’  -  “Ars Longa Vita Brevis” ...

KE : Ah Yes ‘’Art is long, life is short” - Lee Jackson came up with that title - he’d studied a bit of Latin ... [laughs]

Going back to the 1960’s then – I suppose it was ‘66 when ‘The Nice’ formed – originally as a quartet. Drums, bass, Hammond organ or keyboards, and guitar player.  After the first album we decided to move on as a trio, although I did try to find another guitar player.   I actually auditioned a guy called Steve Howe, who was considering getting together with Jon Anderson, and Chris Squire and forming a band called “Yes”.  Steve was much more interested in getting with the “Yes” guys, so meanwhile ‘The Nice’ continued as a trio with Lee Jackson on bass, Brian Davison on Drums, and myself on Hammond and keys.   It was during this time that I was introduced to a new invention designed by Dr Robert Moog, which became the moog synthesiser, so I was the first to introduce that into live performance.  

With ‘The Nice’ we had come out of an era called the underground / Psychedelia.  

I was very friendly with Frank Zappa and the mothers of invention, and they were really far ahead of their time.

Frank approached me one day, because I was composing and playing with the London orchestras even then, and said ‘’Keith - how do you deal with English orchestras? They’re hopeless!”

And I said ‘’Well, they’re very conservative Frank. If you really want to make it with the London Symphony, or the London Philharmonic - if you really want my advice, I think you should try and change some of the lyrics of your songs. If you’re going to get in front of the London Philharmonic and sing stuff like ‘’Why does it hurt when I pee?’’ obviously these guys are not going to take very kindly to it!” [laughs]

I’d actually done Bachs Brandenburg concerto #3 with a chamber orchestra and had a degree of success in the English charts-  around about the same time ,  Jon Lord  [Deep Purple, Whitesnake] was writing his concerto for orchestra too. I’d already written the “5 bridges suite” which I had recorded with ‘The Nice’ at Fairfield hall in London. So basically Jon Lord and I were kind of both struggling with Orchestras and moving along into what came next musically for the both of us –   Jon was a very good friend.

I think round about the turn of 1970, I had noticed what Steve Howe was doing and it was very harmonic, whereas ‘The Nice’ - well we were a bit more bizarre, and I listen back to it now and I suppose I have a slight bit of embarrassment about how ‘The Nice’ were presenting themselves.

And back then I’d started looking at bands like ‘Yes’, and there were a lot of other bands too, who were really concentrating on the tunes and the vocal element, so that’s when and why I formed ‘Emerson Lake and Palmer’ - in 1970 - and endorsed the whole sound with the moog synthesiser. It sort of took off, and became known as what we know today as “Prog Rock”.  We didn’t have a name for it at that time, we just thought it was contemporary rock. I mean it wasn’t the blues, it wasn’t jazz, but it was a mixture of all of these things, and that’s when we went through.

The first album of ELP, [Emerson, Lake, & Palmer] recorded in 1970; we were still learning how to write together as a unit, so consequently when you listen to it, you’ll hear a lot of instrumentals; mainly because there were no lyrics and there was a pressure on the band to get an album out. For some reason there was an extreme interest in the band - We were to be considered as the next super group after ‘Crosby Stills & Nash’, which we certainly didn’t like the idea of.   That album went very well.   Unfortunately the record company decided to release “Lucky Man” - which was a last minute thought – as a single, and it took off. My concern was the fact that, OK yeah the ending has the big moog sweeps and everything like that going on – but how on earth  do we do all the vocals live? Thousands of vocal overdubs over the top and neither Carl nor I sang.   You know - I sing so bad that a lot of people refuse to even read my lips!   And as far as Carl Palmer was concerned he had “Athletes Voice” and people just ran away when he sang! It was a hopeless task of actually being able to recreate “Lucky Man” on stage, so eventually Greg just did it as an acoustic guitar solo.   It was that one sort of Oasis, in a storm of very macho guy stuff, where the women just went [in a girly voice] “Oh I like that, that’s nice”.  [laughs]

So, inspired by that we got more grandiose and put out ‘’Pictures At An Exhibition” – another bombastic piece based upon Mussorgsky’s epic work. For some reason Greg wanted it released at a reduced price because he said it wasn’t the right direction for ELP to go. So we released it for about £1 and it went straight to number 1!  Then the record company called up and said ‘’what are you doing? This is a hit record and you’re just selling it for £1??!!’’, so I said ‘’well yeah it’s a bit stupid isn’t it?” – so when it was released in America it was at its full price and ended up nominated for a Grammy award! ELP had a lot to do to create the piece you know?   We disagreed on lots of issues but in order to keep the ball rolling we just moved on with the next one, which was in fact “Trilogy”.

I thought it was about this time in ELPs life that we had learned how to tolerate each other, how to write together, and how to be very constructive. “Trilogy” is a complete mish-mash, you go from one thing to another; there’s a Bolero, and then ‘Sherriff’ – which is kind of western bar jangly piano playing on it.   I don’t think you could find such a complete diversity buying a record like that these days. We were very much inspired by our audience accepting that.  

Actually Sony Records are going to re release it in 5.1 – they’re doing a wonderful package with out-takes and everything – I’ve just competed doing the liner notes.

We moved on again then, and started the makings of “Brain Salad Surgery” which was a step further.  

After that I worked on my piano concerto played by the London Philharmonic Orchestra, and actually it’s still being performed all over the world - Australia, Poland, and in October I’m going to East Coast America to do some conducting – Jeffrey Beagle, who’s a great classical pianist, is going to perform it then, and I’m going to perform some other new works of mine.  

HR : Are you likely to release a recording of it?

KE : Yes I guess it might be ... I’ll let you know. It’s a dauntless compelling challenge. I have conducted and played with orchestras before and I’m very thankful to have classical guys around me who are able to point me in the right direction.   I was never classically trained. I started off playing by ear and then having private piano lessons, and then basically teaching myself how to orchestrate. I’m still taking lessons in conducting and I don’t think I’ll ever get to the standard of the greats like Dudamel or Bernstein – I don’t think I’ll ever be able to conduct Wagner, but so long as I’ve written the piece of music I think I’ve got an idea of roughly how it goes!  [laughs] Thankfully I’ve worked with Orchestras who are very kind to me.

HR : Do you enjoy the performance as much as the writing?

KE : Actually I enjoy the writing more than the performance. I know I wrote an Autobiography called ‘’Pictures Of An Exhibitionist” but that’s the last thing that I am really.   I’m pretty much a recluse. I’ve got my Norton 850 and I’m happy ...

HR : I was going to ask you about the Theatrics on stage – Why Knives and swords? Was there something which influenced the decision to include that as a part of your performance, or was it purely born out of frustration from working with Carl and Greg?

KE : [laughs]  Well you see in the 60s, I toured with bands like The Who, and I watched Pete Townshend; I toured with Jimi Hendrix too, and I thought that if the piano is going to take off then the best thing to do is like really learn to become a great piano or and keyboard player, but I also thought “that aint gonna last with a Rock audience in a Rock situation”, mainly because the piano or Hammond organ  - well from the audience you look up on stage and it’s just a piece of furniture! Whereas the guitar player can come on stage and he’s got this thing strapped around his neck, he can wander up and down the sage, check out the chicks, and he’s the guy that has all the fun.   The organ player meanwhile is just seated there at a piece of furniture like he’s sat at a table.   So a lot of what I did was for the excitement of it, and I suppose to exemplify the fact that I could play it back to front. A lot of my comic heroes like Victor Borg, Dudley Moore – they all came into the whole issue too.

I’ll tell you this ok? I once went to see a band at the Marquee club when it was in Wardour Street in London, and I can’t remember this guys name now, but he played Hammond organ - he was a very narky looking fellow, and went on stage wearing a schoolboys outfit which caused a lot of the girls in the audience to chuckle.   I stood at the back of the Marquee club and watched his performance - a lot of the stops and things were falling off his organ, so he had a screwdriver to keep holding certain keys down, and then suddenly the back of his Hammond fell off – and I don’t think it was intentional, because he looked really quite distraught, but he caused so much laughter from the audience. I went away thinking “there is something there, I’m going to use that” ... I actually thought it would be a great idea to stick a knife into the organ, rather than a screw driver -the reason for this was to hold down a 4th and a 5th , or maybe any 5th, or say a ‘C’ and an ‘F’ or a ‘G’, whatever, and then be able to go off stage, take the power off the Hammond, so that it would just die away -  it would go ‘’whoooaaaaaaaoooooh’’; and  then I’d plug it back in and it would  power back up and create like the noise of an air-raid siren, and of course the drummer and bass player would react to that.  It got really interesting. We actually had a road manager at the time by the name of ‘’Lemmy’’ who went on to be with Motorhead.   He gave me 2 Hitler Youth Daggers and said [best Lemmy impression] “here! If you’re going to use a knife, use a real one!”

So that was the start of all that, and people loved it, and actually Hendrix loved it too –  somewhere in his archive collection there must be some footage of me almost throwing a knife at him [laughs] .

The phase for it was my objection to the 3 assassinations they had in the USA -  JFK, Robert Kennedy, Martin Luther King -   I’d been to America once and seen how quick the Police were to pull out their guns to a woman parking her car illegally – so bizarre.  The 2nd amendment will not go away, as much as they want it to. I’ll reserve further comments on that but that was really the whole objective. I was banned from the Albert Hall for burning a painting of the Stars and Stripes, which took some time to get over, but everything worked and they allowed me live in California now. [laughs]

HR : What about the Manticore Hall show, also released this year, presumably you kept burning paintings off the agenda there? Was it good to work with Greg again? and then the complete ELP line up with Carl at High Voltage?

KE : No! [laughs], and Yes ... Actually that was recorded in 2010 and was an idea set up by a manager associate of mine, and an agent in California. I met up with them and they asked how I felt about doing a Duo tour to lead up to the High Voltage Festival in London.   They convinced me that it was a big festival ... and the idea was to have ELP on the Sunday night there. So the lead up was a duo tour with myself and Greg because Carl was off with Asia at the time.   It had its ups and downs, but it did eventually work very well and it was a very good warm up to doing that Festival date as the 3 of us.   I don’t think there was any intention of us going any further with it. I think the resulting “ELP at High Voltage” was good and also I think the album ‘’Live At Manticore Hall’’ - although it wasn’t released until this year, because Greg initially didn’t want it to be released at all - is good stuff too.   These things happen with bands, it takes a while for us to appreciate how good what we do is, sometimes.

HR : You’d had quite a break from ELP at that point, KE : [interrupts] I wouldn’t say that I ever take a break, if I can put it so lightly, and it’s not lightly, as to say that it’s kind of like a hobby – if I feel so inclined I will go to the piano and will write a piece of music. If that piece of music seems to warrant being augmented by anyone then I find the right people to do it.  I had a great experience last year of going to Japan and hearing the Tokyo Philharmonic play the whole of “Tarkus” – a 90 piece orchestra – I’ve never been so blown away. I worked with a Japanese arranger on the orchestration, and actually used it on an album which I recorded with Marc Bonilla, and Terje Mikkelsen called “Three Fates Project”,  which actually didn’t make it anywhere and I don’t know why. It’s a great album, very orchestral – I did the version of “Tarkus” on that complete with the Munich symphony orchestra. I changed it around slightly – I had Irish fiddle players coming in – I suppose, really you could refer to it as being World Music – it’s probably a great example of that.   It’s not based upon the ELP solo piano composition that we did on ELPs first album. I don’t think the record companies knew how to market it you know? Was it classical? was it rock? It has the complete amalgamation of group and orchestra. Wonderfully recorded. It really is quite mind blowing. Not that I want to blow my own trumpet!   Maybe if the art work had been a little more dynamic then it would have caught people’s attention. I agreed on it, but you see our names and they’re really small - I don’t think people realised who’s album it was.

HR : Have you any plans to perform it in the UK, or other parts of Europe? Scandanavia, for Blackmoon fans? Any tour plans at all?

KE : The thing is, first of all, that the direction that I am going at the moment is very orchestral. And that does take an awful lot of planning. As I say I’m going to play with the South Shore Symphony on the East Coast of America, but touring with an orchestra, as I learnt back in the late 70s with ELP, is very expensive.  It doesn’t make any money if I’m perfectly honest. If someone was to come up with the cost of shipping the instruments about then ...  but it’s not like dishing out the orchestral charts to an orchestra and then have The Moody Blues come on and play, and the strings do all the backing stuff, you know! This music is the music which I’ve written and really demands quite a lot of practicing.

For instance when I was recording “Three Fates” with the Munich Symphony, in Munich, I was interviewed during the break after the first day by a radio station, and they asked ‘’how do you think its going?’’ and I said “well if the orchestra are still here with me in 5 days time, I should be very surprised” [laughs] .   I remember on about the 4th day , one of the members of the orchestra had obviously heard the radio broadcast.   As and I walked out into the garden at break time, I passed one of the Trombonists who was smoking a cigarette and he said ‘’well we’re still here”...

There is an awful lot that can go wrong, of course, especially with orchestras. The copyist can sometimes write a b natural rather than a b flat, or they can get a whole load of other things wrong – and that’s what happened this particular recording.  

Marc Bonilla actually came up to me on a break and said “I think you should go up to the control room, and look at the score mate, something doesn’t sound right”, so you can imagine the look on my face! So off I go I’m up in the control room; radio through to the rehearsal room and start going through the score and sure enough it was wrong. I don’t know why I hadn’t heard that before, but it was down to the copyists – its the same with writing a book and you give it away to the editor – they can still mess it up – as copyists do with music. And sometimes you’ll get the orchestra, and they’ll just play what’s written rather than put their hands up and say “that doesn’t sound right”, for fear of retribution I suppose – so it is frustrating, but it’s very rewarding.

The Mourning Sun, taken from “Three Fates” 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PcOI8nDDeU

It’s been quite funny with some of these albums that Cherry Red are rereleasing. I happened to give one to my eldest son. I gave him ‘’Honky’’ and he came up to me and he said ‘’here Dad I’ve been listening to the Honky album and it’s really really good!’’  He and his friends are in their 40s now and they’ve all complimented me on it, so that’s the biggest compliment I could have really.

I was recording that album when he was about 4 years old. [laughs]

HR : Is that your favourite then? Honky?

KE : Oh yeah – I had so much fun making that album and I think it shows in it’s humour. It was great. The objective behind it was that I wanted to record with all the local bohemian people - I was living at the time in Nassau in the Bahamas. I didn’t really experience a lot of problems with the black bohemians –  I got on great with them all. There were some great musicians, and I wanted to do a very ethnic album to bring to the attention of the world that we can all get on! I used to drive around Nassau in a limited edition Jeep and kids would run out and yell at me ‘’Honky!’’ and I’d wave thinking ‘that’s kind of fun’.  Then, when I worked in the studio I noticed that the black musicians would all greet themselves with the ‘’N’’ word – we can’t say that now - says in an accent “Yo N ...” – so I thought ‘well if they can do that I am going to call myself a Honky!’ And they were horrified!!  [laughs] So I bluntly spoke to them and I said “listen you guys call yourselves ‘’Ns’’ so I’m calling myself a Honky, and damn it I’m going to call the album that too!” [laughs].  It was a lot of fun.

*** Honky - a derogatory term for a Caucasian person.

HR : We must get something down about Blackmoon – given that this is the title of the Magazine!

KE : [laughs] ELP, Blackmoon.  *sighs* Well  ... I remember from this time that Carl Palmer and myself wanted to have a different producer.

It was all well and good that Greg produced all the other albums but – I don’t think it’s a very good idea for any band ; if they’re involved in the writing and the playing, and then one band member decides he’s going to be a producer too.   You need someone objective to come in and say that they think it’s too long, or whatever ... whereas if you have a part in writing and playing, its obvious that you’re going to pay more attention to it, and Carl and myself really wanted an objective opinion about how to make it work. The producers that we auditioned were very familiar with ELPs work and were really considerate in how they constructed it.  The main consideration - and I think really it was a difficult time because Greg could see that his role as being a former producer of ELP was going to be taken away from him. Whereas for me I felt that Greg’s attention should be more on the writing and the lyrics and other aspects. There is so much that one had to pay attention to when running a band. There are the legal, accounting, and everything else – and above all you have the creative aspect and you really cannot go into a studio and become the producer and wear all these different hats. It doesn’t work, I don’t allow that even on my own music writing.  I’m quite happy to go in and play my music as long as I trust that the guy behind the music desk, and the mixing desk,  are on the same page, know who I am, and what I’ve done before – so at least there is a rapport where the engineer can see what you are trying to do and he will say – “ah you know what, why don’t we try and go for that you did on Trilogy - lets try it!” You have to work with people who understand you and then you can just sit back and work on it , accept a good idea, be pushed to your limits. The thing is with Greg - he felt that he had been removed from the situation which he had most power and pride in. Whereas I think most pride he should keep as the fact that he s a damn good singer and has written some great music. If you want a great team you have to designate to the right person.

That’s why I had Lemmy as my roadie.  If I hadn’t had Lemmy the knives wouldn’t have come out [laughs]. We owe Lemmy a lot! HR : Absolutely.  You two should record a duet!   Which Instrument would you choose? Moog, Melotron, Hammond?

KE : Hmmmmmmmm.  Piano. I’ve always written on the piano. I do have a mandolin hanging on the wall here, which is out of tune at the moment. You wouldn’t want to hear me play this mandolin ...

HR : Because it’s out of tune, or just in general?

KE : [laughs] because it’s out of tune but even if it was in tune I don’t know if it would work. It looks great hanging on the wall though ...

© Helen Robinson -  June 2015 Originally published in Blackmoon Magazine.

[Keith and I were great pals - I miss him <3]

[pathogenic]

Y’all are getting tunes whether you ask for them or not

1. A song that reminds you of your childhood

Orinoco Flow - Enya

One of my favorite songs as a kid. I still listen to it because I love the otherworldly feel it has to it. Plus now I associate it with Myst because the instrumentals are a lot like the Myst classic soundtrack. That matters because the Myst series is the only video game my mom plays and I have fond memories watching her play.

2. A song to sleep to

Bad Wings - The Glitch Mob

The Glitch Mob has a lot of tracks I find to be rather soothing. This one especially because it is slower than most of their other tracks. I actually found this one when I was playing my bed time Pandora radio like back in ohhhh 2014 I believe? So it works.

3. A song that your best friend loves

We’ll roll with Isa over @ aiiizawa 

Pay No Mind (Feat. Passion Pit) - Madeon

Feeling is pretty mutual on how much this song rocks. It is nice, bouncy, and the song just makes you feel warm all over.

4. A song that hypes you the fuck up

Never Gonna Stop (The Red, Red Kroovy) - Rob Zombie

I will not be surprised when I get a speeding ticket due to this song. It’s just that good and I will never not go apeshit to it. I also love the bass in the intro, it sounds fucking killer in almost every car/truck I’ve been in.

5. A song you like to daydream to

Here Comes the Rain Again - Eurythmics

It’s soothing, it has a sweet vibe to it, it also has a longing feel to it. It works for almost every ship of mine, it instantly puts me in a mood. What else could I want from it?

6. A song that’s on at least 3 of your playlists

Bite Me! (Chrom Remix) - Hocico

This one was recommended to me by a very dear friend and I just love it. It’s on my personal playlist, a playlist for a friend’s character, and my general VtM playlist. It’s just a really cool song.

7. A song that you love from a genre you don’t usually like

Train, Train - Blackfoot

Rockabilly is something I want to get more into, but I really am so choosy. This was one given to me by my Dad and he was absolutely right to. The song fucking slaps.

8. A song that you liked when you where 10 that still slaps

Imaginary - Evanescence

I’ve loved Evanescence since I was a little one and I’m still right on that. Amy Lee’s voice is amazing and I still listen to her very often. This one was my favorite as a kid because on the Fallen album, you go from Tourniquet with it’s full orchestra ending and then it drops to this single violin in the intro and that rocked. I was always so excited to hear it as a kid. I also loved shouting “FLOWERS”. Didn’t really know any of the other lyrics until much later.

9. A song that makes you want to go on an adventure

Uncharted Worlds - Sam Hulick

Is it cheating to pull from a game OST? Either way, this song always makes me want to explore the galaxy. Lucky bastards in ME.

10. A song you’d want to dance with your partner to ( or future partner )

Ragtime Cat (Ft. Lilja Bloom) - Parov Stelar

I’ll take my L on this one, but I do genuinely love electro swing, I love swing dancing, and this one feels like the perfect one to dance with. It has a fun tempo and I also love the jump between new and old in this song.

11. A song to stomp around and pout to

Happy? - Mudvayne

I mean really, what else do you need beyond a passive-aggressive nu metal song to be angry to?

12. A song to listen to whilst you lie in a meadow

Wheel in the Sky - Journey

Sounds like the perfect place to contemplate, and Wheel in the Sky is the perfect song to do that with. Think about the future and fate while enjoying a good tune by Journey.

13. A song that reflects your views on love

Sparks - Faith and the Muse

Kind of my go to love song? There is a reverence and a hesitance in this song that really speaks to me. Love is scary, but it’s alive and well.

14. A song to sing to the sun

I could have been cheeky and picked The Sun by Gothminister, but I won’t

Honestly, I’m not sure how to read this, so take something that is definitely a daytime tune with Song 2 - Blur

Not a “sun” song, but I always associate it with the kind of sports I like and that as close as I can get.

15. A song you like that sounds like its on the soundtrack to an indie coming of age film

Volcanic Jig - Natalie MacMaster

Feels like the kind of light, bouncy stuff they would play in an opening scene to me.

16. A song that you like that romanticises being a teenager

Electricity - Red City Radio

At least part of it. It has a growing up with someone you like kind of feel to it and part of that would have to be being a teen. Beyond that, evidently nothing I listen to matches this either.

17. A song that makes you want to grab your friends jump up and down dancing and screaming the lyrics

Devil’s Dance Floor - Flogging Molly

Mostly because it’s just the song stuck in my head really bad, but that chorus, it sounds so fun to sing!!

18. A song that you like that the lyrics are just so beautiful they’re practically poetry

Oh I regret using Sparks already

Love You To Life - Grace Jones

Might as well be a poem really! Just take a listen and enjoy.

19. A song that you can imagine listening to in an abandoned church ( if it isn’t hozier im judging you, but whatever )

Listen to more artists

Sunday Morning - The Bolshoi

I would pick this one for a number of reasons - first off, it has a good sort of distant feeling to me that matches an abandoned place, second it has to deal with negative feelings with Christianity, which would match my mood best while standing in a church, abandoned or not.

20. A song from the soundtrack of a film that you like so much after the film finished you immediately looked for it

Warrior Falls -  Ludwig Göransson

Yes, it is a Marvel movie soundtrack, but consider - The drums in the Black Panther Soundtrack rock. Now to be honest, this is like one of the only movie soundtracks I have saved. If we went video game, then god it might have to be

Assassin’s Creed IV Black Flag Main Theme - Brian Tyler

AC soundtracks in general tend to fucking rock, but this theme is so powerful every time I hear it, I’m fuckin ready to be a pirate.

21. A song for when the sun has gone down and you are feeling absolutely buck-wild with exhilaration!

Augen Auf - Oomph!

I have so many songs that work for this. This is normally when I listen to music so I have many Manic Energy Songs. 

22. A song that makes you feel like you’re strolling through Ancient Greece living your best life

Very specific indeed, but perhaps Antvmnos - Eluveite ?

Tell me it wouldn’t be perfect to stroll a Greek shoreline with.

23. A song that when you listen to it you’re transported to a liminal space, time is pointless and you must sit and wallow in the void that remains

Black Car - Beach House

I listen to this song and my mind is instantly somewhere indescribable and unknowable and all I can do is listen, relax, and go through it. It’s very pleasant to me.

24. A song to listen to on a long drive when you have the really strong urge to keep driving until you find somewhere to start a new life (preferably a europian city whose language you don’t speak)

Perhaps not that exactly, but a song that makes me want to be a weary traveler seeing sights most can only dream of is Far Horizons - Jeremy Soule

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #248

“i was unprepared for fame, then everybody knew my name.”

Are you more positive or a debbie downer? I don't think I'm either, honestly. I'm realistic. How many meals do you eat a day? Since getting a calorie & macro counting app, I try to aim for three, but sometimes I only manage two. I have to be conscious of how I'm spacing out what I eat. If you could have any talent in the world what would it be? Be realistic. Draw exactly what I see in my head. Do you brush your tongue with your tooth brush? Bitch you better brush your goddamn tongue. I didn't know until I saw this as a survey question a while back that there were people who didn't. How many times do you brush your teeth a day honestly? Once. What are you favorite type of jeans? I don't wear jeans anymore, but aesthetically, dark, skinny, torn jeans. Do you pop your bones, crack your knuckles? NO it disgusts me omg. There's this girl who sits in front of me in Women Writers class who cracks her back ALL the time and I have to fight cringing so, so hard. Do you eat your nails? YO NO. I may peel my nails when they get long (to me, anyway) but who the fuck eats their nails. Do you eat the ice in your drink? If it's that good cronchy type, fuck yeah. What do you order at Chic-Fil-A? I used to just get the classic sandwich and fries, but I stopped going there forever ago due to their connection to anti-LGBTQ organizations. By now I can't even stomach the thought of eating something from there. Damn are their sandwiches good, but I'm not giving them business. If you had to go to Mcdonalds what do you order? "Had to" lmao. I have no problem with McDonald's, honestly; you couldn't make me go, because I'd be quite willing. I love their cheeseburgers and, of course, their fries. But because I'm a fatass I have to at least get a double cheeseburger. Have you ever been addicted to cigarettes? No. Which do you use more? Facebook or Instagram? Facebook. Are you a student? If so, what classes will you take next? Yes. "Next," I don't know, considering I haven't chosen classes for next year. Currently I take Painting, Women Writers, Psychology, and Biology. Are you a good kisser? I don't know? How many real bf/gf have you had? Two. Did you enjoy your past relationships? Sure, save for the one with Tyler. That was pointless as shit. Would you ever get back with your ex? Sara, if certain conditions were right. Jason, I honestly don't know and hope I'm never put into the position to need to decide. Other exes, no. Do you like 80’s music? Rock and metal, absolutely. It was a great decade for the genres. Name a comedy that you like. Rush Hour 2 popped to mind first because we mentioned it in school yesterday. Do you like homework? ??????????? WHAT IS THIS QUESTION???????????????? NO??????????????? Something you want to buy real bad? Ugggghhhhh a lot. Being unemployed is a BLAST!!!!!!!!!! Something you would buy a friend as a gift? It depends on the person, of course. I try really hard to give very personal gifts, so what it would be would greatly vary. What is something that would be a good birthday gift for you? Donate Big Bucks to my tattoo fund and I'll give you smooches. Something you would gift yourself? Still tattoos lmfao. Favorite candle scent? Cinnamon rolls mmmmmmmmm. Do you watch beauty videos on YouTube? So here's the tea I genuinely love Jeffree Star and I'm digging NikkieTutorials lately LOOK idk I guess because I find makeup to be an art, I like watching that stuff. My YouTube interests have become seriously diverse lately. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Ha ha obviously. What is the best thing about life? Man, that's a loaded question. I suppose having people in it that make it worthwhile and a true privilege to simply be here. What do you think will happen when you die? YO, HONESTLY, I don't know, man. I've even questioned reincarnation lately. I 100% believe we are not hollow bodies meant to just decay after death, but creatures with spirits that live on in SOME form or way afterwards. I don't believe in the concept of a "Hell," but I don't really think I accept there being a true "Heaven," either? I think there's just... something. What, I don't know, but guess I'll figure it out at some point. Are you superstitious? No. What kind of surveys do you like the most? Random ones, especially the ones that make you think. Do you go to church? No. Do you like Christian music? No. I get frustrated from just bad memories/associations. Have you ever skateboarded and failed at it? Never really tried. What show/concert have you went to that you didn’t like much? N/A Is sex a must in your life? Nah. Could you wait until marriage for sex? Lol I was the abstinent one years ago, so obviously I could, because I understand it. What do you think about weed? Medically, it's fantastic. Too much evidence of it being so to argue it anymore. For other use, I feel the same way about it as I do cigarettes: bad idea, but whatever. I personally don't care if it's made legal for recreational use or not, so long as it's treated similarly to alcohol, ex. illegal to drive while high. If you found a baby turtle on the side of the road, would you pick it up and keep it? With it being a baby, I'd probably take it to an animal rescue or something. Did you and your mum ever have a big fight that caused you to move out? I stayed at Dad's for a handful of days. Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? Yes. Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? My sister has my initial, anyway. Who did you last see shirtless? My mom. Do you like to make the first move? NONONONONO I'M SHY. Do you think you will ever be married? Probably. If the last person you kissed saw you kissing someone else, would they be mad? I don't think she'd be mad, no. Do you understand football? Nope. Who last called you beautiful? Probably Mom. If you fell pregnant to the last person you kissed, what would you think? We're both female so like- Do you think the body is the most beautiful thing that was ever made? No. Name five things you did today? Stayed at the hospital for my beautiful niece to be born :'), slept far too little after getting home, and that's... kinda it. What kind of phone do you have? It's literally a Tracfone, BUT WAIT! I actually wanted it, ha ha. Mom has one and it is *genuinely* a good phone, so I got one for my birthday. Hell, it's cheaper than paying monthly, so I'm fine with it. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? 5 in the morning when we were all still with Ashley. Do you like fire? Sure, I like watching it. Have you ever been to a spa? Noooo, not my jam. Do you know how to do a cartwheel? No. Who’s the funniest drunk person you know? Ehhhhh. When he drank, my dad was either hilarious when drunk or hateful and short-fused as fuck. 50/50 shot. But yeah, if you got Version 1, he'd crack anyone the hell up. Now that he's sober and happy he's always like that. What would you do if your partner still kept pictures of their ex? Well, I'd say it depends on the picture's context. Like, a picture of you two kissing, then I'd be uncomfortable as shit. If you have prom pictures or stuff like that but don't like go looking through them regularly, idc. It was a special event. What if your partner went through your cellphone? BYE, CUNT. What if your partner was flirting with another girl/boy? BYE, CUNT. Is there really a difference between Coke and Pepsi? YES. I can absolutely taste it. Pepsi sucks. Are there any mistakes with your recent ex you wish you could have changed? Stupid and/or impulsive shit I'd said, sure, but for the most part, no. We had a good relationship. Has anyone ever been with you while you were throwing up? My mom always is if she's present. I am terrified of vomiting and even at my age still want her there, even though she can't do anything, obviously. I turn into a baby when I'm about to throw up. Background on your computer? My favorite picture of Teddy. Who has hurt you the most? Jason. Or hell, my own head, idk. Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now? Sure. What language do you want to learn? I wanna be fluent in German. Who’s the last person that came to your house? A family friend. Is there anyone you would like to fight? God no. I'm not a fighter. Who did you dance with last? Sara. Who is your best friend(s)? Sara. Song playing? "It's A Raid" by Ozzy feat. Post Malone. The album's out T O D A Y , B O Y S. Who is your arch-enemy? I don't have one. What's the most attractive thing on the opposite sex? GODDAMN shoulderBLADES Do you want platinum or gold for your wedding band? Not normal gold, I know. Rose gold is my ideal one, but I really don't care much. Have you ever paid to have your eyebrows waxed? I mean my mom has, seeing as I didn't have an income then, either. Got that done regularly in high school. Not because I asked, but because it was just "normal" since my two sisters did it, too. Do you think that the tobacco companies should pay for people’s medical bills? No, it's not their choice to use the product. Sure, they're making it, but it's really too late to cease production of tobacco. It'd be catastrophic in terms of the job industry. Do you curse in average conversations? Yes; I have to actually make an effort to not curse if needed. Have you ever bought a shot glass? No. Do you have a therapist? Not anymore after my previous one that I loved and trusted gave me every reason to break her jaw. I kind of want another one, but also don't. I'm supposed to, considering my history and that I'm on a lot of medication, but I just do nooooot want to go through the whole trust process again. Do you ever fall for spam mail? No. What color do you wear the most? Black. Do you only eat cough drops because you like the taste? No. Have your parents ever walked in on you having sex? No. Do you like getting stoned? I've never been so and aren't interested in ever getting there. Have you ever gotten a bloody nose from snorting cocaine? YOIKES THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY lol no, I wouldn't touch coke with a ten-foot pole. Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? Pink. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. She hasn't called me anything too awful that I know of. Have you ever done acid? No. Were you at a rave? Never been, definitely not my scene. Do you post pictures where you look good but your friends look bad? Well, I don't hang out with like... anyone, so, lmao. But I wouldn't. Are you friends with any of your exes? Yes. Would you ever dye your hair pink? ACTUALLY! Pastel pink is on my list. I tested some soft colors out in Photoshop on me and it actually looked really cute. I think I wanna be a smaller size first, though. Do you ever masturbate? I haven't since I came off that godawful birth control that drove me batshit insane in terms of libido. I still don't think it's a bad thing, my interest in that is just, gone. Are you embarrassed about your sex life or lack there of? No. Who’s the last person you said I love you to? My sister. Did you like your life when you were in middle school? Actually fuck middle school with a maul. If you went on American Idol, do you think you’d go through to Hollywood? Nope. Have you ever received an anonymous gift? No, I don't think so. What kind of laugh do you have? A loud and obnoxious one. Do you hoard anything? "Hoard" isn't the right word, no. Are you afraid of flying? I am, but I feel it's only a realistic apprehension. Especially going back and forth to Sara's a few times, you kinda have to get used to it. Most recent Facebook ‘like’? Shit man idk, I "like" a load of stuff. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. Do you do anything regularly that could damage your body? Can someone please eliminate soda from the face of the earth???? What do you love most in the world? Those closest to me. What woke you up this morning? Ugh, the sun. I need to put my curtain back up after Roman tore it down. Who was the last person you rode in a car with? My mom. Is anything bothering you? There's always *something* bothering me to some degree, but nothing seriously at the moment. Are you in a good mood? My niece was born overnight and is gorgeous and healthy so I have to be. :') When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you own more than one cell phone? Ha ha, I have two old ones. One I used for pictures because the camera was good, and the most recent old one, I just need to get some pictures and contacts from... but I'm lazy. Have you ever had a song written about you? No. What songs make you happy? Depends on what I'm feeling. Next concert? No clue now that Ozzy had to cancel his, bless his old heart. As a child, did you ever get the chance to go to Disney World/Disneyland? Yes. When was the last time you fought with your significant other, if any? I’m single. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No, thankfully. When was the last time you were on a boat? Where did you travel on it? Not since I went fishing with my old best friend a few years back. We were just in a pond. Are you planning on going anywhere with someone, some time today? Probably not. Do you like cereal? What would you consider your favorite kind of cereal? Hell yeah. Cinnamon Toast Crunch is *maybe* my favorite? Idk, I like a lot. Are there any people you don’t like for your significant other/crush to talk to? This doesn't apply to me, but even if I had one, they're not my damn child. I'm not gonna police whom they talk to. I mean I guess there are exceptions, like, talking to a drug dealer to name one, but talking to most people, that's their business. Just don't hide it from me. Have you ever forgotten your birthday? Did you soon figure it out? No. What color are the curtains in your room if you have any at the moment? Maroon. Is there anyone you are currently trying to get out of trouble? Why? No. Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend? Well, calling back to that other question, there was one in a previous relationship that I really couldn't stand, but it wound up working out. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? It's just me and Ma now. Do you ever go to Blockbuster? How frequently would you say you go? WHAT A CALLBACK!!!!! Omg did I love BB. Went like every weekend to rent a game, and sometimes we'd go there Fridays before a sleepover to grab a movie. Do you ever listen to music so you can actually change your emotion? Sure, sometimes.

[mexicancat-girl]

For @bnhawlwweek. Day 3 Prompts: Moon and Sky: Sun.

Ao3: link

Ibara Shiozaki/Pony Tsunotori. Includes minor Sen Kaibara/Kosei Tsuburaba

 Ibara Shiozaki had never considered she would fall in love.

 She is a devoted Christian. She loves her parents dearly. She loves her community greatly. She loves the Lord exponentially.

 She also loves and cherishes her classmates, no matter how odd and dysfunctional a group they may be. After the pain and hardships they have had to endure together, the love and appreciation she holds for Class 1-B as a whole has reached insurmountable heights.

 Yet, through all that, she’s noticed an odd trend of favoring one classmate above the rest.

Pony Tsunotori. A girl from America that managed to get into Yuuei despite the language barrier, who struggled with her Japanese on a regular basis but always put in 110% effort into everything she did.

 Pony is an incredibly sweet girl. She is friendly. She is genuine. She is hard-working. She is always the first to express her excitement when something interests her. She never hesitates to show affection, physical or otherwise. Her smiles are always wide and uninhibited. She seems to glow with an air of happiness and confidence, sure of herself in a way not many others can achieve even in adulthood.

 Pony is a warm and welcoming presence, Ibara finds. She is enthusiastic and curious and inquisitive, always trying to ask questions. She loves to hum and sing songs, whether just for her own fancy or to try and cheer up the atmosphere. Even with her middling Japanese, she never hesitates to cheer on her classmates or compliment them.

 Pony is essentially a ball of sunshine in the form of a girl. And Ibara cannot help but be drawn to that.

 Perhaps it’s irony at its finest, for her to be so inexplicably drawn to Pony, a girl that is sunshine incarnate. Ibara’s Quirk is plant-based, after all. She has to keep up the maintenance of her Vines with plenty of water and sunlight. It is why she enjoys taking walks or sunbathing outside, her hair soaking up the sun’s rays.

 A girl with a plant-based Quirk, falling for a girl with a horse-based Quirk that just so happens to shine as bright as the sun.

 Yes, Ibara thinks, it is irony at its finest.

 She is not sure how to go about pursuing Pony, if she should pursue her at all. There is the language barrier to keep in mind, of course. Though she supposes said language barrier has not stopped Pony so far in her endeavors, but it’s still a factor.

 Ibara is also unsure of how her devoted Christianity will play into a possible relationship. It’s not that she believes Pony will rebuff her simply for her religious views—heavens, Pony is such an accepting and kind girl, that would be incredibly out of character! But to Ibara, her religion is a vital part of her life, and she will not change that for the sake of others. She is proud of who she is. She will not hide that from the world.

 Those are the two major factors to consider, though there are other minor ones that can be easily resolved, she thinks. Except…

 The fact that Pony is another girl is not an issue to her. A true Christian loves and accepts all fellow brothers and sisters of God, including those that are homosexual, because God loves and cherishes all his children. Ibara knows she is lucky to have been raised in such an accepting family and community, or else her budding feelings for a girl may have become a roadblock.

 However, what if Pony does not feel the same? What if she is not attracted to girls? Pony may come from America, with its very liberal views, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she herself would be gay.

 Pony tends to compliment the other girls in class by calling them ‘cute’. But that may simply be because Pony likes to support everyone. She tends to praise others by calling them amazing as well. Ibara swears that she hears Pony calling her kawaii and sugoi on a regular basis. That doesn’t particularly mean anything if she calls everyone else that, does it…?

 Ibara sighs, rubbing at her temples in frustration. She is getting nowhere with this line of questioning and worrying. She’s simply going in circles. Nothing is being accomplished.

 Perhaps she should pray to the Lord for guidance…? He may give her a sign on what she must do.

 Yes, that sounds reasonable.

 Ibara rises from her bed. She’s been taking quite a bit of time sitting on her bed and sulking—er, thinking—over her budding love for her classmate. Perhaps a bit of fresh air will help clear her head…

 When she opens her bedroom door, she comes face to face with Pony herself. The blonde has a hand raised in a fist, obviously being caught right before she was going to knock.

 “Oh! Hello, Ibara-chan!” the blonde chirps, smiling that sunshine smile of hers that Ibara cherishes so.

 Ibara can’t stop the smile forming on her own face. “Hello, Pony-chan.”

 “What you doing?” Pony asks, rocking back and forth on her heels. “Can Pony come with?”

 Ibara’s smile turns fond without her meaning to as she answers, “Yes, of course. I was just going outside to do a bit of praying.”

 Cornflower blue eyes sparkle as Pony tries to process the answer. After three seconds, the blonde nods enthusiastically. “Okay! Let’s pray!”

 Ibara blinks, taken aback. Pony has always been bold, going so far as to sit right next to Ibara quietly as she went through her daily prayers. But Ibara had never known before now that Pony was a Christian as well.

 “Are you a fellow sister of God?” she breathes, feeling her heart all but beat out of her chest in excitement.

 Pony tilts her head, looking a bit confused. “Um…Um, do you mean—”

 “Are you a Christian as well?”

 The blonde perks up, seemingly understanding what Ibara was saying. “Oh! Oh, well, yes. Pony’s family is Christian. Went to Christian private school for middle school. Learned to pray there. But in English.”

 “Language doesn’t matter, so long as you speak to the Lord,” Ibara tells her warmly and sincerely, and feels her cheeks warm as Pony beams back excitedly at her.

 “Does that mean yes? Pony can come with?”

 “Yes, of course, Pony-chan.”

 The blonde whoops, pumping her fists in the air. “Yeah!”

 Ibara can’t help the giggle that peals past her lips. She knows Pony is enthusiastic in all things, but she had never seen someone so excited about prayer before. It’s…refreshing.

 Pony falls in step with her as they make their way to the stairs—one can never skip leg day, after all! They descend the stairwell, and soon enough Ibara is pushing open the back exit of the dorms and stepping outside.

 Ibara sighs out, closing her eyes slightly as a gentle breeze hits her form, the sun’s rays warming her from her hair down to her toes.

 Yes, coming outside to pray was indeed the right call.

 She takes an embarrassing amount of time to just stand there and soak it all in—the rustle of grass and the chirp of birds and the whistle of the wind.

 Then something grabs Ibara’s hand in her meditative state, and she just about jumps out of her skin.

 She takes a cautious look down and sees that Pony has twined their hands together. The other girl seems casual and unbothered, humming an idle tune as she swings their hands to and fro.

 “It’s a nice day today!” Pony chirps, smiling up at Ibara, who towers over the shorter girl by half a foot.

 “It is…” Ibara murmurs cautiously, heat crawling up her neck as her gaze flickers between Pony’s unconcerned face to the twined hands. Pony’s hand fits so…so seamlessly into her own.

 This must be fate, right…?

 “Where to?” the blonde chirps, still swinging their hands to and fro.

 “I…Um…” Ibara flusters. “That…That tree by the courtyard should be fine…”

 “Tree ahoy!” the blonde sing-songs, tugging Ibara by their clasped hands towards their destination.

 -----------

 It takes them a bit to get settled, once they make it to the tree. Ibara-chan is obviously nervous, still looking between Pony and their joined hands. But she hasn’t let go yet, or said anything about letting go, so Pony takes that as permission for now.

 Maybe she’ll try to finagle how to ask properly next time, before she scares poor Ibara-chan to an early grave. It’s times like this that makes her less-than-stellar Japanese annoying but not crippling. Pony will power through it, though!

 She likes to think that actions speak louder than words, anyways. She’s tried to use her words before, but without as much effect as she’d like. So, it’s time to double-down on her actions, if she wants Ibara-chan to figure it all out.

 Hopefully, this all doesn’t scare her off. That’s the last thing Pony wants. But it’s hard to know when someone will take to her liking girls well, especially when religion is a factor. Considering how much of a devout Christian Ibara-chan is, religion’s a big factor here.

 But Ibara-chan seems to calm down a bit, and only unwinds their hands so she can clasp hers together with a quiet hum of “Let’s begin now.”

 Pony always likes hearing when Ibara-chan murmurs her daily prayers. To her, it sounds like music.

 It reminds her of home.

 Her adoptive parents are Christian, too. They made their prayers at dinner. They all went to church on Sunday, as a family. So Pony was a bit used to listening to praying and gospels and all that stuff that comes with being Christian.

 She’d never thought she’d meet someone so Christian in Japan, but she guesses that it makes sense. Christianity is one of the world’s major religions. Even Japan ought to have its own following, right?

 Ibara-chan is a nice girl. Which makes sense—why else would she want to be a Pro Hero?—but having her around made Pony feel a little less homesick.

 Pony herself never felt like she was good enough at the whole religion schtick, but her parents were kind and patient and forgiving.

 Mom and Dad were nice Christians. They didn’t take everything so seriously. They volunteered to help the community. They planned trips and fundraisers. They didn’t instantly send Pony back to the group home when she told them she liked boys and girls. They even went out of their way in encouraging her whenever she got crushes in school, comforting her whenever she got rejected, and defending her like fierce tigers if anyone tried to kick up a fuss about her sexuality.

 Despite any misgivings and horror stories of religious fanatics, Pony got lucky to be taken into such a loving and accepting family.

 And Ibara-chan just has that sort of vibe about her. The feeling of being kind and accepting and patient and so familiar and—

 Pony just thinks Ibara-chan is incredible, in so many ways. She’s hard-working. She’s empathetic. She’s smart. She’s patient. She’s great at being a peacemaker. She’s oh so kind. She’s an amazing girl, with an amazingly strong Quirk, who’s super cute on top of all that.

 It’s sorta no wonder that Pony fell in love so hard and fast, huh?

 Ibara-chan reminded Pony of the sun and the moon and the stars all in one. She always shined bright in the spotlight, a flower blooming under the warmth of the sun. She was quiet and calm and mysterious as the moon; even when silent and still, she was captivating. She was as brilliant and vast as the night sky full of stars, her smiles rare but beautiful.

 “You can start whenever you’d like, Pony-chan.”

 The sweet voice snaps Pony out of her gay daydreaming. She hadn’t realized she was staring until now—but watching as Ibara-chan’s dark lashes flutter and her soft lips stop their melody and her eyes catch Pony’s own—Pony’s definitely been caught.

 “Ehehe…Sorry, Ibara-chan,” she demurs, scratching the back of her head sheepishly, feeling her cheeks warm with a blush.

 Ibara-chan smiles at her, something small and soft, but it crinkles her eyes all the same. “It’s fine. How about you start now, then?”

 Pony nods quickly. “Okay! Um… Our father, Who Art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name…”

 She goes through the words, fluid and automatic after so much practice. She’s had to say it every Sunday at church, and when she went to middle school, it was a daily thing they did in the mornings. She’s gotten pretty good at memorizing all the different prayers and stuff now.

 When she finishes, she peeks over to see what Ibara-chan thinks—she hadn’t stumbled more than once, which she’s super proud of!—only to see the other girl gaping at her.

 “Beautiful,” the vine-haired girl breathes, sounding reverent, and it makes Pony’s stomach feels like it’s full of butterflies.

 Pony has to push down the sudden and very strong urge to kiss her.

 “Haven’t prayed out loud in a while…Almost feel like forgot the words,” Pony manages to stumble out, flustered and mind scattered to the winds as she stares at Ibara-chan’s perfect cupid’s bow lips.

 “You are…you did good, Pony-chan,” the other girl says, dazed, before her already pink cheeks darken. “Um. I meant. Y-You did well. Very good. Ah…”

 Pony smiles shyly, heart racing a mile a minute, scooching closer towards Ibara-chan. It feels like they’re sitting too close for just friends, but not close enough at the same time.

 Her hand brushes Ibara-chan’s, and she curls their fingers together slowly, lightly, in case the other girl wants to pull away. But to her surprise and delight, Ibara-chan clasps them together, tightening them to a firm hold.

 Pony’s palm is probably, definitely, sweating right now, and Ibara-chan’s hand is surprisingly cold and a little clammy. But Pony would rate the hand-holding experience a ten out of ten, if only because Ibara-chan’s starting to lean forwards and putting her other hand on Pony’s shoulder for stability.

 “Do you—can I—Pony-chan, I—” the vine-haired girl stutters out, looking the most flustered that Pony has ever seen her. It’s adorable, and it makes something pleased curl in her chest.

 “I like you,” Pony confesses, because she can’t help it, and it needs to be said. Some of the tension seems to drain out of Ibara-chan at that, and her flushed face turns a cute shade of red. Pony’s lips curl into an uncontrollably large grin, so pleased and eager she can barely contain it. “Kiss me?”

 Ibara-chan gives a strangled squeak, her vine-hair shifting and flailing a bit behind her—is this a sign of her embarrassment? If so, it’s super cute, Pony thinks.

 That’s the last thought she has, before Ibara-chan’s leaning forwards, and Pony’s leaning in to meet her halfway.

 It feels like… Pony’s not sure how to even describe it, other than the sun and moon colliding. Fantastic and amazing and a one-in-a-trillion chance.

 She feels like she’s glowing. Ibara-chan’s face is hot against hers with a flaming blush, but her lips are as soft as Pony’s imagined them.

 It isn’t a very long kiss, but when they pull back, Ibara’s panting like she’s just run a marathon. She looks a little like she’s ready to pass out any second, which is a kinda concerning. But she’s also looking at Pony in awe like she’s just seen an angel descend from Heaven, so that’s probably a good sign, right?

 “I…I like you too,” the vine-haired girl admits in a small voice, lips wavering into a pleased little grin. “I hadn’t thought—I didn’t think you’d reciprocate.”

 The knowledge that Ibara-chan likes her back—and even said so!—makes Pony feel over the moon. She knows the kiss probably sealed the deal, but it’s nice to hear the confession anyways. Makes it feel concrete.

 “Be my girlfriend?” Pony asks, just to be sure. It’s a phrase she’s been practicing for months now, in her spare time. One she was hoping she’d get to use in her time at Yuuei. And to her relief and delight, she’s using it now, and on the cutest and most amazing girl ever.

 “I—Yes. Yes, of course,” Ibara-chan nods, all but glowing as she smiles down at Pony, oh-so-fond.

 Pony feels so happy she’s ready to launch herself at her new girlfriend—girlfriend! Ibara-chan is her girlfriend!—and cover Ibara-chan’s face in kisses. But then she hears a wolf-whistle, and startles, looking wildly about herself.

 Kosei Tsuburaba and Sen Kaibara are walking together nearby, down a winding path towards one of the training fields. Kosei-kun’s still whistling up a storm, while Sen-kun pinches his nose and smacks Kosei-kun on the back of the head for him to stop. Sen-kun rolls his eyes when Kosei-kun begins to whine.

 “Stop making an ass of yourself—” Pony manages to hear, but she’s taking too long to process it properly before the other boy’s responding.

 “I’m not!” Kosei-kun snaps back, before turning to look Pony and Ibara-chan dead-ass in the eyes with a shit-eating grin unfurling on his face. He cups his hands around his mouth as he loudly yells, “Congrats, you two! Live your gay dreams!”

 “Kosei, for fuck’s sake—"

 “Thanks!” Pony calls back, face hot and smiling awkwardly back at her classmates. She can’t believe she’d forgotten how they were just out in the open! And not too far from the dorms, either!

 If the entirety of 1-B hasn’t seen them by now, well, they’re definitely going to hear about this. Kosei’s one of the biggest loudmouths in class, and despite his words on the contrary, he’s in the running for the biggest gossip in 1-B.

 Sen-kun shakes his head with a sigh, but his smile at the other boy is so very fondly exasperated. Pony’s not sure if they’re dating yet or just friends, but with the way Sen-kun looks at Kosei-kun when the other doesn’t notice, there might be another new couple in their class soon enough.

 “Congrats!” Sen-kun calls out to them, raising a hand. Pony and Ibara-chan awkwardly wave back, giggling as Sen-kun near instantly takes Kosei-kun by the shoulders and steers him away forcefully, Kosei-kun spluttering and protesting without making a move to break out of the hold.

 “We keep praying, or…?” Pony asks eventually, after a minute of silence, once their two classmates are small figures in the distance.

 But, surprisingly, Ibara-chan shakes her head. “No…I’ve already gotten the answer to my prayer,” she states, with finality. She smiles so softly and warmly at the blonde that it feels like Pony’s sunbathing at the beach.

 Pony can’t help the wide smile on her face. “Oh! Okay!”

 When she snuggles into Ibara-chan’s side, the vine-haired girl doesn’t protest, even moving her hair over her opposite shoulder so Pony won’t accidentally prick herself on the vines.

 “Don’t ever wanna move,” the blonde mumbles, craning her neck to look up at her girlfriend, placing a quick peck on the edge of Ibara-chan’s jaw.

 The other girl flushes a pretty pink, soft lips curled into a smile so fond, it takes Pony’s breath away.

 “We can stay like this for a while more, if you’d like,” Ibara-chan says, voice quiet and shy.

 “Mhm! Let’s.”

 And they do. They stay like that for another hour, at least. But Pony can stay like this—stay by Ibara-chan’s side—for forever.

[mrkwonandmrchoibabygirl]

NOW~ G-DRAGON Series PT.2

Genre:Smut/Angst

Rated: NC-17

Pairing:GD X READER

Wordcount:4,883

Part.1 Part.2 Part.3

Masterlist

WARNING GD IS A JACKASS IT THIS CHAPTER/PART

I’m thankful when Jiyong finally leaves so Hyuna and I can discuss the party. I need more details to ease my nerves, and having him around is no help at all.

“Where is the party? Is it within walking distance?” I ask her, trying to sound calm as I align my books neatly on the shelf.

“Technically, it’s a frat party, at one of the biggest frat houses here.” Her mouth is wide open as she layers more mascara onto her lashes. “It’s off campus, so we won’t be walking but Hoseok will pick us up.”

I’m grateful it won’t be Jiyong, even though I know he will be there. Somehow riding with him seems unbearable. Why is he so rude? If anything, he should be grateful that I’m not judging him for the way he has destroyed his body with holes and tattoos. Okay, maybe I am judging him a little, but not to his face. I’m at least polite about our differences. In my home, tattoos and piercings are not a normal thing. I always had to have my hair combed, my eyebrows plucked, and my clothes clean and ironed. It’s just the way it is.

“Did you hear me?” Hyuna says and interrupts my thoughts.

“I’m sorry . . . what?” I hadn’t realized my mind had wandered to the rude boy.

“I said let’s get ready—you can help me pick my outfit,” she says. The dresses she picks out are so inappropriate that I keep looking around for a hidden camera and someone to jump out and tell me this is all a joke. I cringe at each one and she laughs, obviously finding my distaste humorous.

The dress—no, piece of scrap material—she chooses is a black fishnet, which lets her red bra show through. The only thing keeping her from showing her entire body is a solid black slip. The dress barely reaches the tops of her thighs and she keeps tugging the material up to reveal more leg, then back down to reveal more cleavage. The heels of her shoes are at least four inches tall. Her flaming red hair is pulled into a wild bun with curls escaping down to her shoulders and her eyes are lined with blue and black liner, somehow even more eyeliner than she had on before.

“Did your tattoos hurt?” I ask her as I pull out my favorite maroon dress.

“The first one sort of did, but not as bad as you would think. It’s almost like a bee stinging you over and over,” she says with a shrug.

“That sounds terrible,” I tell her and she laughs. It occurs to me that she probably finds me as strange as I find her. That we’re both unfamiliar with each other is oddly comforting.

She gapes at my dress. “You’re not really wearing that, are you?”

My hand slides over the fabric. This is my nicest dress, my favorite dress, and it’s not like I really have all that many. “What is wrong with my dress?” I ask, trying to hide how offended I am. The maroon material is soft but sturdy, the same material business suits are made of. The collar goes up to my neck and the sleeves are three-quarter length, hitting just under my elbows.

“Nothing . . . it’s just so . . . long?” she says.

“It’s barely below my knee.” I can’t tell if she can see I’m offended or not, but for some reason I don’t want her to know this about me.

“It’s pretty. I just think it’s a little too formal for a party. You could borrow something of mine?” she says in all sincerity. I cringe at the idea of trying to squeeze into one of her tiny dresses.

“Thanks, Hyuna. I’m fine wearing this, though,” I say and plug in my curling iron.

Later, when my hair is perfectly curled and lying down my back, I push two bobby pins in, one on each side to keep it out of my face.

“Do you want to use some of my makeup?” Steph asks, and I look in the mirror again.

My eyes always look a little too large for my face, but I prefer to wear minimal makeup and usually just put on a little mascara and lip balm.

“Maybe a little eyeliner?” I say, still unsure.

With a smile, she hands me three pencils: one purple, one black, and one brown. I roll them around in my fingers, deciding between the black and brown.

“The purple will look great with your eyes,” she says, and I smile but shake my head. “Your eyes are so unique—want to trade?” she jokes.

But Steph has beautiful green eyes; why would she even joke about trading with me? I take the black pencil and draw the thinnest possible line around both eyes, earning a proud smile from Hyuna.

Her phone buzzes and she grabs her purse. “Hoseok’s here,” she says. I grab my purse, smooth my dress, and slip on my flat, white Toms, which she eyes but doesn’t comment on.

Nate is waiting out front of the building, heavy rock music blaring out of his car’s rolled-down windows. I can’t help but glance around to see everyone staring. I keep my head down and just as I look up, I see Jiyong lean up in the front seat. He must have been bending down. Ugh.

“Ladies,” Nate greets us.

Jiyong glares at me as I climb in behind Steph and end up getting stuck sitting directly behind him. “You do know that we are going to a party, not a church, right, Y/F/N?” he says, and I glance at the side mirror and find a smirk across his face.

“Please don’t call me Y/F/N. I prefer Y/N,” I warn him. How does he even know that’s my name? Theresa reminds me of my father, and I would rather not hear it.

“Sure thing, Y/F/N.”

I lean back against my seat and roll my eyes. I choose not to banter back and forth with him; it’s not worth my time.

I stare out the window, trying to drown out the loud music as we drive. Finally, Nate parks on the side of a busy street lined with large, seemingly identical houses. Painted in black letters is the name of the fraternity, but I can’t make out the words because of the overgrown vines sneaking up the side of the massive house in front of us. Messy strings of toilet paper sprawl up the white house, and the noise coming from inside adds to the stereotypical frat house theme.

“It’s so big; how many people will be here?” I gulp. The lawn is full of people holding red cups, some of them dancing, right there on the lawn. I’m way out of my league here.

“A full house, hurry up,” Jiyong responds and gets out of the car, slamming the car door behind him. From the backseat, I watch as multiple people high-five and shake Nate’s hand, ignoring Hardin. What surprises me is that no one else that I see is covered in tattoos like he, Nate, and Steph are. Maybe I can make some friends here tonight after all.

“Coming?” Hyuna says with a smile and pops open her door and hops out.

I nod, mostly to myself, as I climb out of the car, making sure to smooth my dress again.

Jiyong has already disappeared into the house, which is great because maybe I won’t see him again for the rest of the night. Considering the number of people crammed into this place, I probably won’t. I follow Hyuna and Nate into the crowded living room and am handed a red cup. I turn to decline with a polite “No, thank you,” but it’s too late and I don’t have a clue who gave it to me. I put the cup on the counter and continue to walk through the house with them. We stop walking when we reach a group of people crowded on and around a couch. I assume they are friends with Steph, given their appearance. They are all tattooed like her, and sitting in a row on the couch. Unfortunately, Jiyong is on the right arm of the couch, but I avoid looking at him as Hyuna introduces me to the group.

“This is Y/N, my roommate. She just got here yesterday so I figured I would show her a good time for her first weekend at SCU,” she explains.

One by one they nod or smile at me. All of them seem so friendly, except Jiyong, of course. A very attractive boy with olive-toned skin reaches out his hand and shakes mine. His hands are slightly cold from the drink he was holding, but his smile is warm. The light reflects off his mouth, and I think I spot a piece of metal on his tongue, but he closes his mouth too quickly for me to be sure.

“I’m Daesung. What’s your major?” he asks me. I notice his eyes travel down my bulky dress and he smiles a little but doesn’t say anything.

“I’m an English major,” I say proudly, smiling. Jiyong snorts but I ignore him.

“Awesome,” he says. “I’m into flowers.” Daesung laughs and I return one.

Flowers? What does that even mean?

“Want a drink?” he asks before I can inquire further about flowers.

“Oh, no. I don’t drink,” I tell him and he tries to hide his smile.

“Leave it to Hyuna to bring Little Miss Priss to a party,” a tiny girl with pink hair says under her breath.

I pretend not to hear her so I can avoid any kind of confrontation. Miss Priss? I’m in no way “prissy,” but I have worked and studied hard to get where I am, and since my father left us my mother has worked her entire life to make sure I have a good future.

“I’m going to get some air,” I say and turn to walk away. I need to avoid party drama at all costs. I don’t need to make any enemies when I don’t have any friends to begin with.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Hyuna calls after me.

I shake my head and make my way to the door. I knew I shouldn’t have come. I should be in my pajamas curled up with a novel right now. I could be Skyping with Hoseok, whom I miss terribly. Even sleeping would be better than sitting outside this dreadful party with a bunch of drunken strangers. I decide to text Hoseok. I walk to the edge of the yard, since it seems to be the least crowded space.

I miss you. College isn’t very fun so far. I hit send and sit on the stone wall waiting for his reply. A group of drunk girls walk by giggling and stumbling over their own feet.

He responds quickly: Why not? I miss you too, Y/N. I wish I was there with you and I smile at his words.

“Shit, sorry!” a male voice says and a second later I feel cold liquid soak the front of my dress. The guy stumbles and pulls himself up to lean against the low wall. “My bad, really,” he mumbles and sits down.

This party could not get any worse. First that girl called me prissy, and now my dress is soaked with God knows what type of alcohol—and it really smells. Sighing, I pick up my phone and walk inside to find a bathroom. I push my way through the crowded hall and try to open every door on the way, none of them budging. I try not to think about what people are doing in the rooms.

I make my way upstairs and continue my hunt for a bathroom. Finally, one of the doors does open. Unfortunately, it’s not a bathroom. It’s a bedroom, and, even more unfortunate for me, it’s one in which Jiyong is lying across the bed while the pink-haired girl straddles his lap, her mouth covering his.

The girl turns around and looks at me as I try to move my feet, but they just won’t budge. “Can I help you?” she snarks.

Jiyong sits up with her still on his torso. His face is flat—not amused or embarrassed at all. He must do this type of thing all the time. He must be used to being caught in frat houses practically having sex with strange girls.

“Oh . . . no. Sorry, I . . . I’m looking for a bathroom, someone spilled a drink on me,” I quickly explain. This is so uncomfortable. The girl presses her mouth against Jiyong’s neck and I look away. These two seem to be a good match. Both tattooed, and both rude.

“Okay? So go find a bathroom.” She rolls her eyes and I nod, leaving the room. After the door closes I lean my back against it. So far college isn’t fun at all. I just can’t wrap my head around how a party like this could be considered fun. Instead of trying to find a bathroom, I decide to find the kitchen and clean myself off there. The last thing I want to do is open another door and find drunken hormonal college students on top of one another. Again.

The kitchen isn’t too hard to find, but it’s crowded since most of the alcohol supply is in ice buckets on the counter and stacks of pizza boxes fill the countertops. I have to reach around a brunette puking in the sink to grab a paper towel and wet it. As I wipe it over my dress, small white flakes of the cheap paper towel cover the wet spot, making it worse. Frustrated, I groan and lean against the counter.

“Having fun?” Nate asks as he approaches me. I’m relieved to see a familiar face. He smiles sweetly and takes a sip of his drink.

“Not exactly . . . how long do these parties usually last?”

“All night . . . and half the day tomorrow.” He laughs and my mouth drops. When would Steph want to leave? Hopefully soon.

“Wait.” I begin to panic. “Who’s going to drive us back to the dorm?” I ask him, well aware of his bloodshot eyes.

“I don’t know . . . you can drive my car if you want,” he says.

“That’s really nice, but I can’t drive your car. If I wreck or get pulled over with underage drinkers in the car I would get in so much trouble.” I can just imagine my mother’s face as she bails me out of jail.

“No, no, it’s not a far drive—you should just take my car. You haven’t even been drinking. If not, you’ll have to stay here, or I could ask around to see if someone—”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll figure it out,” I manage before the music gets turned way up and most everything is drowned out by bass and lyrics that are practically screamed.

My decision to come to this party is proving to be worse and worse as the night goes on.

Finally, after pointing around and yelling “Hyuna!” like ten times at Nate, the music drops into a quieter song and he nods and starts to laugh. His hand moves up into the air and he points into the next room. He is really a sweet guy—why does he hang out with Jiyong?

As I turn to where he indicated, all I hear is my own gasp as I spot her. She, along with two other girls, are dancing on a table in the living room. A drunk guy climbs up and joins them, his hands gripping her hips. I expect her to swat his hands off but she just smiles and pushes her bottom against him. Okay.

“They’re just dancing, Y/N,” Nate says and gives a quick chuckle at my uneasy expression.

But they aren’t just dancing; they’re groping and grinding against each other.

“Yeah . . . I know.” I shrug, even though it isn’t as casual to me. I’ve never danced that way, not even with Noah, and we have been dating two years. Hoseok! I reach into my purse and check my messages from him.

You there y/n?

Hello? You okay?

y/n? Should I call your mom? I’m getting worried.

I dial him as fast as my fingers will allow, praying that he hasn’t called my mother yet. He doesn’t pick up, but I text him assuring him that I’m okay and there is no need for him to call my mother. She will lose it if she thinks something happened to me on my first weekend of college.

“Heyyyy . . . Y/N!” Hyuna slurs and leans her head on my shoulder. “You having fun yet, roomie?” She giggles, obviously heavily intoxicated. “I think . . . I need . . . the room is starting to spend, Y/N . . . I mean spin,” she says, laughing, and her body lurches forward.

“She is going to get sick,” I tell Nate. He nods and lifts her into his arms, draping her body over his shoulder.

“Follow me,” he instructs and heads upstairs. He opens a door halfway down the hall, finding a bathroom quickly, of course. Right as he places her on the floor by the toilet, she begins to vomit. I look away but grab her red hair and gently hold it back away from her face.

Finally, after more vomit than I can handle seeing, she stops and Nate hands me a towel. “Let’s get her to the room across the hall and lay her on the bed. She is going to need to sleep it off,” he says. I nod, but what I’m really thinking is that I can’t leave her here alone, passed out. “You can stay in there, too,” he says, seeming to read my mind.

Together we get her up off the floor and help her walk across the hall and into a dark bedroom. We gently lay a groaning Hyuna onto the bed and Nate quickly takes off, telling me he’ll check in on us later. I sit down on the bed next to Hyuna and make sure her head is comfortable.

Sober, with a drunk girl beside me and a party raging all around, I feel like I’ve hit a new low. I turn on a lamp and look around the room, my eyes immediately going to the bookshelves that cover one of the walls. Since this perks my mood up, I go over to it and scan through the titles. Whoever owns this collection is impressive; there are many classics, a whole range of different types of books, including all of my favorites. Spying Wuthering Heights, I pull it off the shelf. It’s in bad shape, the binding giving away how many times it’s been opened.

I’m so lost in Emily Brontë’s words that I don’t even notice the change in light when the door opens, or the presence of a third person in the space.

“Why the hell are you in my room?” an angry voice booms from behind me.

I know that accent by now.

Jiyong.

“I asked you what the hell you’re doing in my room,” he repeats, just as harshly as the first time. I turn to see his long legs pulling him toward me and he snatches the book from my hand and tosses it back onto the shelf.

My mind is whirling. I thought the party couldn’t get any worse, but here I am, caught in Jiyong’s personal place. He rudely clears his throat and waves his hand in front of my face.

“Nate told me to bring Hyuna in here . . .” My voice is soft, barely audible. He takes a step closer and lets out a deep breath. I gesture to his bed, causing his eyes to follow my hand. “She drank too much and Nate said—”

“I heard you the first time.” He runs his hand through his hair, clearly upset. Why does he care so much if we are in his room? Wait . . .

“You are a part of this fraternity?” I ask him. It’s impossible to hide the shock in my voice. Jiyong is far from what I imagined a frat boy to be like.

“Yeah, so?” he answers and takes yet another step closer. The space between us is less than two feet, and when I try to inch away from him my back hits the bookcase. “Does that surprise you, Y/N?”

“Stop calling me Y/F/N.” He has me cornered.

“That’s your name, isn’t it?” He smirks, his mood slightly lightening.

I sigh and turn away from him, basically facing into the wall of books. I have no idea where I’m going, but I need to get away from Jiyong before I slap him. Or cry. It has been a long day, so I will most likely cry before slapping him. And what a sight that would be.

I turn and push past him.

“She can’t stay in here,” he says as I pass. When I turn around he has the small ring in his lip between his teeth. What made him decide to put a hole in his lip and eyebrow? That had to be painful . . . though the one piece does accent just how full and round his lips are.

“Why not? I thought you guys were friends?”

“We are,” he says, “but no one stays in my room.” His arms cross over his chest, and for the first time since I met him, I can make out the shape of one of his tattoos. It’s a flower, printed in the middle of his covered forearm. Jiyong, with a flower tattoo? The black and gray design resembles a rose from this distance, but there is something surrounding the flower that takes the beauty from it, adding darkness to the delicate form.

Feeling brave and annoyed, I let out a laugh. “Oh . . . I see. So only girls who make out with you can come into your room?” As the words leave my mouth his smile grows.

“That wasn’t my room. But if you’re trying to say you want to make out with me, sorry, you’re not my type,” he says. I’m not sure why but his words hurt my feelings. Jiyong is far from my type, but I would never actually say that to him.

“You are . . . you are . . .” I can’t find the words to express my annoyance toward him. The music through the wall is like an itching sensation. I’m embarrassed, annoyed, and exhausted from the party. Arguing with him isn’t worth it. “Well . . . then you take her to another room, and I’ll find a way back to the dorms,” I say and head for the door.

As I go through it and slam it shut behind me, even through the noise of the party, I hear Jiyong’s mocking “Good night, Y/F/N.”

I can’t help the tears that fall down my cheeks as I reach the top of the stairs. I hate college so far—and my classes haven’t even started. Why couldn’t I just get a roommate who was more like me? I should be asleep now, preparing for Monday. I don’t belong at parties like this, and I certainly don’t belong hanging out with these type of people. I do like Hyuna, but I just don’t have it in me to deal with a scene like this and people like Hardin. He’s such a mystery to me; why must he always be such a jerk? But then the next thing I think of is that wall of books of his—why does he have all of them? There is no way a rude, disrespectful, tattooed jerk like Jiyong could possibly enjoy those amazing works. The only thing I can picture him reading is the back of a beer bottle.

Dabbing at my wet cheeks, I realize I have no idea where this house is located, or how to get back to the dorms. The more I think about my decisions tonight, the more frustrated and stressed I become.

I really should have thought this through; this is exactly why I plan everything, so things like this don’t happen. The house is still packed and the music is too loud. Nate is nowhere to be found; neither is Daesung. Maybe I should just find a random bedroom upstairs and sleep on the floor? There are at least fifteen rooms up there, and maybe I will get lucky and find an empty one? Despite my efforts to conceal my emotions, I can’t, and I don’t want to go down and have everyone see me like this. I turn back, find the bathroom I was in with Hyuna, and sit on the floor with my head between my knees.

I call Hoseok again, and this time he answers on the second ring.

“Y/N? It’s late, are you okay?” he says, his voice groggy.

“Yes. No. I went to a stupid party with my roommate and now I am stuck at a frat house with nowhere to sleep and no way to get back to my room,” I sob through the line. I know my problem isn’t life or death, but I’m beyond frustrated at myself for getting into this overwhelming situation.

“A party? With that redhead girl?” He sounds surprised.

“Yeah, with Hyuna. But she’s passed out upstairs.”

“Whoa, why are you even hanging out with her? She’s so . . . just not someone you would ever hang around with,” he says, and the scorn in his voice irritates me. I wanted him to tell me it will be okay, that tomorrow is a new day, something positive and encouraging. Something not so judgmental and harsh.

“That isn’t the point, Hoseok . . .” I said with a sigh, but right then the door handle jingles and I sit up. “Just a minute!” I call to the person outside and wipe at my eyes with some toilet paper, but that only smears the eyeliner even more. This is exactly why I don’t wear this stuff.

“I will call you back; someone needs the bathroom,” I say to Hoseok and hang up before he can protest.

Whoever’s on the other side of the door begins pounding on it and I groan as I hurry to open it, wiping my eyes again. “I said just a min—”

But I stop as glaring brown eyes pour into mine.

As I look into those amazing brown eyes, I suddenly realize that I hadn’t previously noticed their color before. And then I realize that it’s because Jiyong hasn’t really made eye contact with me until just now. Amazing, deep, surprised brown eyes. Jiyong looks away quickly when I push past him. He grabs my arm and pulls me back.

“Don’t touch me!” I yell, jerking my arm away.

“Have you been crying?” he asks, his tone curious. If this wasn’t Jiyong, I might actually think he was concerned for me.

“Just leave me alone, Jiyong.”

He moves in front of me, his tall frame blocking my movements. I can’t take more of his games, not tonight.

“Jiyong, please. I am begging you, if you have one decent bone in your body you will leave me be. Just save whatever mean comment you are going to say for tomorrow. Please.” I don’t care if he hears the embarrassment and desperation in my voice. I just need to be left alone by him.

A flash of confusion shows in his eyes before he opens his mouth. He watches me for a moment before any words come out. “There’s a room down the hall you can sleep in. It’s where I put Hyuna,” he flatly states. I wait a second for him to say something else, but he doesn’t. He just stares at me.

“Okay,” I quietly say and he moves out of my way.

“It’s the third door on the left,” he instructs and heads down the hall and disappears into his bedroom.

What the hell was that? Jiyong without any rude comments? I know I’m in for it if I see him tomorrow. He’s probably got a planner for all his snide comments like I do for my classwork, and I’m sure I’ll be on his agenda tomorrow.

The third room on the left is a plain room, much smaller than Jiyong’s and with two twin beds. It looks more like a dorm room than the larger space that Jiyong has. Maybe he’s the leader or something? The more likely explanation is that everyone is afraid of him and he bullied his way into the largest room. Hyuna is lying across the bed closest to the window, so I kick off my shoes and cover her with the blanket before locking the door and lying down on the other.

My thoughts are all over the place as I fall asleep, and images of clouded roses and angry Brown eyes flow through my dreams.

[woodenwedges]

1 through 100. Let's go! Answer em aaaalll!

Omg Kate you’re absolute mad!!! Thanks tho’ I love answering these things ❤️😁Hoo boy here we go!1. What is you middle name?Don’t have one! Neither does my brother.2. How old are you?203. When is your birthday?The 15th of may 🌸4. What is your zodiac sign?Taurus ♉️🐃5. What is your favorite color?Baby pink! 6. What’s your lucky number?Dunno about lucky number but my favorite number is 77. Do you have any pets?Yep! Two dogs.One sweet, blonde girl named Emsi (based on the danish word Emsig meaning officious)And a neurotic chihuahua named Henry. We got them both cause their owners no longer could take care of them and I love them to the moon and back ❤️8. Where are you from?Hirtshals in Denmark! I love my town to death9. How tall are you?Uuuh around like 1,65 m10. What shoe size are you?3911. How many pairs of shoes do you own?Too many.... we get a lot of free stuff so I have a lot. Probably around 10 pairs?12. What was your last dream about?The only thing I remember from my last dream was that I got a pimple on my forehead lol13. What talents do you have?I’m good at art, dancing and just performing in general and I’m getting pretty good with makeup!14. Are you psychic in any way?Nope15. Favorite song?Right now it’s brain damage and eclipse from The Dark Side of The Moonby Pink Floyd. They remind me of my mom ❤️16. Favorite movie?Don’t actually have one! But the last film I think I saw was carol and I absolutely loved it.17. Who would be your ideal partner?Just someone who’s intelligent and kind I guess! And has a similar sense of humor18. Do you want children?I do, but I’m probably never gonna birth any cause I have an illness I don’t want to risk transferring and also might be going on T soon!!19. Do you want a church wedding?I don’t really care20. Are you religious?Nah. I’m a spiritual atheist21. Have you ever been to the hospital?Only as a visitor. I’ve gone to the emergency room but I’ve never been admitted.22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?Nope23. Have you ever met any celebrities?My cousins a model who’s dating one of the Danish x-factor judges so yea.24. Baths or showers?BATHS25. What color socks are you wearing?White. I prefer just plain whites rn, but there’s was a time in my life where I always wore fun, colorful socks and never matching them26. Have you ever been famous?Lol no but a stranger did come up to me last week and told me she’s a huge fan of my work ❤️ a lot of the locals like my watercolor portraits27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?Honestly yea I do fantasize a lot about it 28. What type of music do you like?Music is a huge part of my life! My main Spotify playlist is 161 hours now and it’s all extremely diverse!The only music I don’t particularly like is blues and trap cause i find it boring. Right now I’m really into old grungy rock, punk, experimental stuff, rap and disco 💃🏼 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?Sure have! I did it countless times this summer at the beach. There’s nothing more freeing than swimming naked in the ocean 💙30. How many pillows do you sleep with?Just one, but it’s a really good one. Oh and sometimes and extra one just to cuddle 31. What position do you usually sleep in?Fetus position is my fav but I’m trying not to do that cause it’s bad for your back32. How big is your house?Pretty big. Two stories plus a garage where my friends and I hang out. And also a two bedroom annex33. What do you typically have for breakfast?Toast or oatmeal with nuts and berries34. Have you ever fired a gun?No35. Have you ever tried archery?I tried it a couple of weeks ago and it was really fun! 36. Favorite clean word?I like words like clean and crystal and chemical 37. Favorite swear word?Fuck.38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?Don’t remember. Pretty long. But I’ve started to be very careful with sleep cause my mental health REALLY depends on it39. Do you have any scars?Lots. Anything from self-harm to getting burned by a marshmallow lmao40. Have you ever had a secret ?Bitch my whole personality used to be a secret. So yea a lot41. Are you a good liar?Yup. I’m very creative and anxious so if I feel like I’ve done something I shouldn’t I immediately have a good lie ready. Also I’ve had some problems with compulsive lying whoops42. Are you a good judge of character?Nooo not really cause I always feel bad for disliking ppl so I force myself to keep an open mind. But I’ve learned to just follow my instincts a bit more43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?I’m pretty good at like southern American accents and also an American accent In Danish is so fun and cute. 44. Do you have a strong accent?It’s pretty strong. I used to fake a British accent out of embarrassment but then I started feeling pretentious so I let it go45. What is your favorite accent?I love a Colombian accent and French ofc. Also Indian and Chinese. Oh and a lot of African ones too, especially the ppl from Congo! But I love accents in general. They’re literally my go to ASMR trigger46. What is your personality type?INFP47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?My winter jacket... my mom wanted to buy me one that was new and when we finally found one that didn’t give me dysphoria I was so excited I forgot to look at the price tag... and she just bought it for me anyway.48. Can you curl your tongue?Yea and I can stick it between my tooth gap49. Are you an innie or an outie?Outie all the way50. Left or right handed?Right51. Are you scared of spiders?No, I used to have pretty severe arachnophobia but i worked through it and now I actually really love them! Also I don’t care how scared you are of them, don’t you dare kill them in front of me! That makes me so uncomfortable. Just let me know there’s a spider and I’ll get it safely outside for you 52. Favorite food?Love sushi with crab meat or fried shrimp!53. Favorite foreign food?Well probably sushi? Lol. Or anything Italian!54. Are you a clean or messy person?Super messy but I’m trying my best!55. Most used phrased?“Bid I det sure æble”. Basically “bite the bullet” in English 56. Most used word?Probably bitch. I use it in an affectionate manner towards friends lmao57. How long does it take for you to get ready?Very, very long58. Do you have much of an ego?Yea I think so59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?Suck60. Do you talk to yourself?Nope. 61. Do you sing to yourself?Yes!62. Are you a good singer?I’m decent. Think I could get good if I got a vocal coach63. Biggest Fear?Getting ridiculed, being misunderstood and being unwanted 64. Are you a gossip?I love gossip...65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?I don’t really know sry!66. Do you like long or short hair?Love all hair. I love running my fingers through long hair. I prefer short hair for me tho67. Can you name all 50 states of America?LOL NO68. Favorite school subject?I really liked art and foreign language classes69. Extrovert or Introvert?HUGE introvert!70. Have you ever been scuba diving?No but I’d love to try it!71. What makes you nervous?Public embarrassment is a big one. But racism, homophobia, transphobia and misogyny will also make me very, very nervous.72. Are you scared of the dark?Not at all73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?Depends on the mistakes? Never on like grammar and stuff like that.74. Are you ticklish?Very. I can tickle myself. But then again I am schizophrenic lol75. Have you ever started a rumor?Once in high school my friends and I started a rumor that I was “a hermaphrodite” and we kept it going for years. At first it was just to fuck with people but then I started getting like a kick from it. For some reason I loved the idea of people thinking I was intersex. Aaaand that was the start of me getting gender identity issues lol76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?I used to teach dancing lessons for kids at a local church lol does that count?77. Have you ever drank underage?Only a couple of beers. But the drinking age is here is 15 so that’s not a huge problem 78. Have you ever done drugs?a couple of times. Done ecstasy and Valium once which was really fun. And I’ve tried speed a couple of times but it has no effect on me. I also love weed if you consider that a drug 79. Who was your first real crush?Had a huge crush on a guy at my boarding school. And also a girl at the school... they became a couple and I remember wanting to die asdgsa80. How many piercings do you have?None! Had a septum once, but I never had my ears pierced as a child or anything 81. Can you roll your Rs?“Yea82. How fast can you type?Pretty fast!83. How fast can you run?I’m not a great runner but I’m getting better84. What color is your hair?Blonde85. What color is your eyes?Green86. What are you allergic to?Nothing. Tho I do get allergic reactions to extreme swifts in temperature 87. Do you keep a journal?Yup!88. What do your parents do?Both retired now but my dad used to be a fisherman and my mom ran a daycare and later worked with elderly people who suffered from dementia. 89. Do you like your age?Yea?90. What makes you angry?It takes a lot to get me angry but unnecessary hate and harassment usually gets me to tick91. Do you like your own name?I really like it actually! 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?I have but I don’t remember them... think I repressed those daydreams when I decided never to bear children :(93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?Idc94. What are you strengths?Intellectuality, kindness, curiosity, creativity and bravery. Also I get a lot of praise for being so open and aware of my mental illnesses and for fighting so fiercely to get healthy. 95. What are your weaknesses?Bad self criticism, naïvety, laziness and having trouble asking for help and taking initiative 96. How did you get your name?My brother decided it.97. Were your ancestors royalty?Pff highly doubt it98. Do you have any scars?Already answered this99. Color of your bedspread?That really popular, white IKEA one with flowers100. Color of your room?White, although I cover them up with posters, drawings and sometimes literal trash when i get psychotic cause white walls make me hallucinate like crazyThis was a fucking blast!!! Thanks Kate 😚❤️

[urdearestmom]

100 Questions

Tagged by @bob-newby-superhero thanks!!

1. What is your nickname? Sari, Sarita, Sarinha

2. How old are you? 18

3. What is your birth month? December

4. What is your zodiac sign? Sagittarius

5. What is your favourite colour? Green!

6. What’s your lucky number? 17 because it’s my birthday lmao

7. Do you have any pets? No but I really want a cat. Everyone in my family has dogs

8. Where are you from? I’m Luso-Canadian (my family is from Portugal but we live in Canada)

9. How tall are you? My driver’s license says 160 cm but the doctor told me 163. Either way, around 5’3”

10. What shoe size are you? Uhh depends on the shoe but usually 6.5-7

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Many, but I always wear the same shit lol

12. Are you random? Sometimes, I guess

13. Last person you texted? I texted myself pictures from my mom’s phone. Last message in general was to @eljane-hoppers

14. Are you psychic in any way? Haha sometimes I think I am, but my mom is more >:^)

15. Last TV show watched? Saw an episode of Four Weddings on TLC this morning

16. Favourite movie? The Book Thief or The Greatest Showman

17. Favourite show from your childhood? iCarly!! Used to watch it religiously after school every day it was on

18. Do you want children? Yes, but definitely not right now lmao

19. Do you want a church wedding? Kind of yeah. It’ll depend on who I end up marrying but it’d probably be some kind of disgrace if I didn’t get married in a church

20. What is your religion? I am Catholic

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yup tons of times, whether for myself or other people

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Nope, I am a Child of God™

23. How is life? Could be better, probably, but it’s pretty chill right now

24. Baths or showers? Showers, but I also really like baths

25. What colour socks are you wearing? Bold of you to assume I’m wearing socks at all

26. Have you ever been famous? I mean if you google my name the results are me. I was on CBC because I was in the national spelling bee in 2012

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I feel like it’d be fun and cool for a while but then I’d get tired of it. I don’t like having people all up in my business and that seems like what life is like for big celebrities :/ But having a lot of influence would be awesome

28. What type of music do you like? Literally anything except country music (I’m not all that into rap/trap music either, but I can appreciate it from time to time) here’s a playlist of my favourite stuff it’s like seven hours long but if you go through it you’ll see it’s really all kinds :)

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Maybe and I don’t remember? My childhood was a questionable era

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2, both under my head

31. What position do you usually sleep in? I usually fall asleep on my side but I almost always wake up on my back so I don’t actually know how I’m sleeping

32. How big is your house? 2 stories and a basement

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Cup of milk with something else, usually a bowl of cereal or bread/croissant with Nutella

34. Have you ever left the country? YeET I’ve been to Portugal a bunch of times, Spain once, and to France on a 5-hour layover but we didn’t leave the airport and I don’t remember it anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

35. Have you ever tried archery? Does it count if it was on Wii Sports? And yeah once and I was terrible at it

36. Do you like anyone? I think so and it sucks because he’s my friend :(

37. Favourite swear word? Probably fuck, I say it a lot. But I also say shit a lot so I mean idrk

38. When do you fall asleep? Oof regularly past midnight, but the time varies

39. Do you have any scars? A giant burn mark on my leg and a very faint lil thing on my right hand from this time I accidentally did an entire flip in my driveway

40. Sexual orientation? Was previously sure I was straight but I’m kind of starting to question that?

41. Are you a good liar? I like to think that I’m a very convincing actress

42. What languages would you like to learn? Mm I already speak Portuguese (if you ever wanna learn something hmu), and I learned some French because that’s mandatory in Canada but I dropped it and I want to get back into it. So, French! I also learned some German this year and I might continue with it. Also maybe Spanish, I can already understand some

43. Top 10 songs? Umm

Love Is A Battlefield - Pat Benatar

Rock You Like A Hurricane - Scorpions

Theme From New York, New York - Frank Sinatra

True Faith - New Order

Age Of Consent - New Order

A Million Dreams - The Greatest Showman OST

Second Waltz - Dmitri Shostakovich

Power Of Love - Celine Dion

Johnny B. Goode - Chuck Berry

Halo - Beyonce

44. Do you like your country? Canada? Yeah, I love it except for the stupid ass weather. I get sick every fucking time the season changes

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yeeee!! They’re all awesome people

46. What is your personality type? INFP- there’s more info here if you want to know what that means

47. Hogwarts House? Ravenclaw ftw bitches

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yesssss

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? Buzzfeed told me that, based on my music taste, I am “a student of classic rock like School of Rock’s Dewey Finn” (but actually HA I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I LOVED JACK BLACK IN THAT MOVIE)

50. Left or right handed? Righttttt

51. Are you scared of spiders? They don’t scare me as much as induce some kind of panic, but it really depends what kind of spider. Really little ones are actually kind of cute, but big spiders send me into cardiac arrest

52. Favourite food? Akjsnfskd PASTA

53. Favourite foreign food? Idk man I’m already picky af with my food. If I live in Canada does that make the Portuguese food I eat on a daily basis foreign because if so I loooooove me some fuckin barbecued chicken

54. Are you a clean or messy person? Fairly clean. If I wasn’t my mother would hurt me lol

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Idk probably figure out how to pee standing up, maybe make use of the ability to lie on my stomach without hurting my chest :)

56. What colour underwear? I think this is turquoise

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Depends what I’m getting ready for. On a regular day, ten minutes tops. If I’m going out to an event it can be upwards of an hour; sometimes less, sometimes more

58. Do you have much of an ego? Idk if it’s ego so much as me being confident in myself. Anyone who has a problem with me and decides to be rude about it can suck my non-existent dick

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I try to suck them but it never lasts for long, I almost always bite them unless I’m really concentrating on not biting

60. Do you talk to yourself? Lmfao only ALL THE TIME

61. Do you sing to yourself? Yeee

62. Are you a good singer? I don’t think I’ll blow out your eardrums but I know I’m not the best either. I’ll just say I’m not terrible

63. Biggest Fears? Heights and deep water

64. Are you a gossip? I live for drama does that make me a gossip

65. Are you a grammar nazi? Yeah if I’m talking to someone I’m very comfortable with (my cousin for example) or if I’m trying to be petty

66. Do you have long or short hair? Long! I’m growing it out so I can be really dramatic and chop it all off later (also thinking of donating it)

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? I can name almost all of them but I always forget a few. I think it’s pretty good considering I was never taught American geography

68. Favourite school subject? Instrumental music and history were my favourites

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Idk I guess extroverted introvert? Is that a thing???? I’m really awkward and panicky in social situations with people I don’t know but if I have friends around I’m just here to have the time of my life

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No

71. What makes you nervous? Having to talk to people I don’t know (it literally makes me panic it’s horrible)

72. Are you scared of the dark? Sometimes, yeah

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Lmao ok this depends on who the person is and if I’m in that kind of mood (but when I was a kid I used to correct my teachers)

74. Are you ticklish? Yes very

75. Have you ever started a rumour? No

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yes, I’ve been to Portugal a bunch of times, Spain once, and France on a layover

77. Have you ever drank underage? Chugged a cup of beer by accident when I was 6 oops

78. Have you ever done drugs? No but even if I had I don’t think I would say it here unless it was something minor like weed

79. What do you fantasize about? Travelling the world!!!!! And like, being a successful adult because right now I have no idea what the actual fuck I’m doing with my life

80. How many piercings do you have? Two, one in each ear

81. Can you roll your Rs? You gotta in Portuguese! I’m also fairly sure my French and German pronunciations are pretty much on point most of the time so I can do those types of R sounds as well

82. How fast can you type? Pretty fast on my phone and not slow on my laptop either (when you’re a writer you end up learning to type faster than you thought you would lol)

83. How fast can you run? Oof I’m not slow when I first start off but that only goes for like max 10 seconds

84. What colour is your hair? Dark brown

85. What colour are your eyes? Also dark brown

86. What are you allergic to? Bigots

87. Do you keep a journal? I have a diary I’ve had since I was like 10 but I don’t write in it very often. I also have a notebook where I write down fic ideas and outline plots

88. Are you depressed about anything? I actually think I might have seasonal depression or something but I’m not sure

89. Do you like your age? Yeah I guess being 18 is cool

90. What makes you angry? People who refuse to listen to reason

91. Do you like your own name? Yes it means princess!

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? No but I ate lead once

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? No preference as long as it is alive and healthy

94. What talents do you have? Uhh I can play two instruments and will be learning a third does that count? I just remembered I can also balance a spoon on my nose

95. Sun or moon? Moon

96. How did you get your name? My mom had a friend named Sara when she was a kid and she always liked the name so here I am having been named Sara

97. Are you religious? Kind of? I don’t go to church very often but I think I believe in God (I believe that there’s something, at least). I’ve also received all the Sacraments that I can (as of right now that’s baptism, first communion, and confirmation)

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? Nope

99. Colour of your bedspread? Right now it’s just plain white

100. Colour of your room? Bright green!

Yeet I’m finished! Took forever ‘cause I kept getting interrupted but oh well

tagging: @eljane-hoppers @hannahberrie @mikeywheelerr @queer-deckovskij

[maeveal-gazing]

Further Thoughts re: musical disinterest - a reflection on my personal narrative (pt. 1 to HS)

The more I read and the more I think, the further I seem to find myself from where I began. The narrative I tell myself is generally linear and it ends with me here, generally disinterested in musical practices. I have never really attempted to put these thoughts into writing and I hope by doing so I can begin to problematize some of the underlying ideas or views about music and myself that are contributing to this general musical torpor. 

~~~~~~~~~~

My earliest musical memories begin for me in two settings: elementary school and my former church. I don’t remember much of my music classes before being introduced to the recorder, but the recorder was certainly my first musical love. I also was in the school choir and the Orff ensemble that sometimes performed with it. When I think back to why I liked the recorder, I think it was mostly competition. The whole karate-like belt system sort of gamified the whole thing and for some reason I had either a knack for it or just an interest in being the quickest to the highest belt, so I was able to compete that way. I definitely liked the music and practiced a lot, but for some reason it’s the desire to be the best that stands out to me looking back. 

In church, music was a more passive and personal act. Even though I was seen as “musically gifted” by my parents and people at school, I never participated in any of the organized musical ensembles (choirs, light rock bands, holiday ensembles where anyone could play anything) at church. As I was heading off to college, my pastor was shocked to hear that I was leaving to study classical music because despite my heavy involvement in the church, it was never in a musical capacity. There were reasons I didn’t do anything like that in church though and they were always explicitly known to me. First, I really enjoyed the simple aesthetic of organ/piano and choir. We had a super rad organist who would wail on the organ in the greatest way. I remember the way he made the opening notes of the alleluia feel like a jolt making me stand up as I was supposed to. Second, I couldn’t and (still can’t really) sing very well haha. This has never really bothered me but it’s something I quickly came to know. I think these church music experiences were my first feelings of being “moved” by music and I loved it. I didn’t want to play my bassoon with it because I loved it the way it was. I even organized my altar serving duties around the 8am mass because that’s when the choir and organ were playing and I never wanted to serve at the 5pm “LifeTeen” mass where there was a light rock band instead. 

Middle school was in some ways my peak musical enjoyment. My school had 3 huge bands with a lot of enthusiastic students, some of whom were very good. We were the largest middle school band program in the whole county and so were seen as (and told we were) “the best.” Riding the high off of the “first to the highest belt” recorder experience, i was eager to get in there and keep playing. In the process of getting a new, band-suitable instrument, I actually wasn’t assigned my top choice (oboe). In retrospect, this was probably a good thing for a number of reasons but I’ve always felt uneasy by the fact that my relationship with the bassoon began out of necessity(?) instead of desire. My parents were on the verge of renting me an oboe because of how disappointed I was but I powered through and said “it was no big deal” even though in the moment it kind of was. Despite that one rocky start, middle school band was amazing. I went every day before school to the big, open band room (often being the first student there) and practiced scales or other pass-off materials. I was moved to Advanced Band as a 7th grader, passing over Intermediate Band which was seen as an accomplishment in the middle school band circles and something I was proud of. I remember after assignments were posted for the upcoming year, I was pointed to by my band director as an example of “intrinsic motivation,” a moment which has always stuck with me (maybe it wasn’t at that time but I think it had something to do with assignments). My fondest memories of this time come from playing through the relatively simple bass lines from my band music in unison with my euphonium friends. We were just jamming on our repeated C quarter notes when one of us would inevitably scream/sing the bop of a melody we were all already hearing in our heads and it would make us jam harder. I don’t talk to any of these people anymore and really haven’t since high school.

Middle school was also when I first began to ‘get serious’ about music though too. In the midst of all the quarter-note bopping, I started taking private lessons and going to music summer camps (a tradition I’ve only since forgone three times in the subsequent 13 years, once due to covid). I began progressing technically and musically and for the first time saw myself as a ‘musician.’ It was sometime in middle school that the idea of me being a professional bassoonist became in competition with my previous goal of being a theoretical math professor. I made all-county band every year and even made first chair all-county jazz band on tenor sax after just sort of winging the audition (very jazz of me). At the time (and even now I guess) I see this period as a relatively successful and fun one. The only musical disappointments I had were that I didn’t make All-State the one year I applied, but that was remedied in high school and didn’t feel devastating at the time because it was my first big audition and I kind of knew it didn’t go well. 

My musical life (and that of some other students) became the subject of musical and educational politics by the end of 8th grade though. The high school I was supposed to go to, like my middle school that fed into it, had the largest and ‘best’ band program in the county. However, I was considering going to a different high school because of their International Baccalaureate (IB) program. This IB school (which I did ultimately attend) had a failing feeder middle school band program and thus a less than vibrant music program itself. Knowing this, coupled with some knowledge about school funding and resource distribution for programs like IB that I knew nothing about, my band directors (and most of my other teachers, come to think of it) told me to stay away from this school because my musical life would suffer. I know they had good intentions, but in my mind this put music and academics at odds with each other in a much starker way than I had ever thought before. It felt like a choice and it was a difficult one. With the help of some trusted teachers and advisors, I even went on a search for another high school that might have both an IB program and a better band program so I didn’t have to choose. In the end there were no other viable options and ultimately, I put trust in myself that I could keep my musical life alive in high school if the band program was as bad as they said. It was both not as bad as they said and much worse, but ultimately was a great fit for me. 

~~~~~~~~~

This was a lot and I was expecting to go even further but I think I need to rest. Already I see certain issues to reflect on here. Competition used to be a driving factor, but now I’m just not as competitive of a person anymore so that doesn’t drive me. I don’t attend church and though I’ve tried to go back just can’t seem to feel like I belong anymore, so that source of musical enjoyment is gone. Continual success and sort of a lack of disappointment early on probably made it much harder to experience my first real musical disappointment later in life (sometime in college probably? there’s a question for reflection) and maybe after that I just never really got back on my feet self-confidence-wise. As I’m sure I’ll touch on in my next entry, the academic/performance divide that began as my two potential career paths and reinforced by the IB/band program decision is a narrative framework that I use to think about my life and work to this day. Some of these observations I think I had made previously or sort of understood in some terms but that last one is genuinely new to my conscious thoughts.

These are just nuggets though and obviously this is one part of the story and even this one part is super bare-bones. Anyways ~ here you go, void. Have fun with this I guess

[stone-man-warrior]

February 26, 2021: 7:18 am:

==================================================

I was awakened this morning by the odor of a wet camp fire.

It was about 6:00 am, just before dawn.

now my leg is all swollen again, foot is feeling frozen, rash is oozing from tiny blistering on my shin, and it is numb again like it’s not there when I try to walk.

The symptoms had reduced until then. There is no reason that I should have been awakened by such an odor as a wet camp fire in my house.

=================================================

7:47 am:

I read the stalking order those fake sheriff’s brought.

There is concern from the new people at 445 about a head and a fence that was posted online.

needle in a hay stack.

I just looked through this account going back a week or two and cannot find anything about a head or a fence concerned specifically with the person mentioned in the fake stalking order, one composed of real legal ramifications, at 445 Jackpine as is stated in the order to appear.

The good news is bad news.

The good news is that there are/were some federal agents who advised I take a photo of a particular something, and I did not get that information, someone else got the information about taking a photo of a particular thing.

The courts intercepted that instruction that I should take a photo.

The courts arranged that the only photo op there would be is one taken of deputy sheriff’s through a screen out my window when the fake stalking order shows up. The order is fake, the demand to go to the courtroom is real. The judge and all of the court staff are fake, are all terror operatives, but the law is real and so is the jail. The sheriff is fake, but the law and the jail is real. The damage around my front door and my broken computer is real, so was June 15, 2020, when this same stalking order murder hit scenario resulted in eight fake deputies crashing through my front door, tackling me in the living room, and taking me to a real police interceptor, to a real jail.

Fake people, real USA.

I know who that person is across the street now. He has robbed me before. He has a compute that was mine, and he might be the person that stole all of my old vinyl records. He, his father and his mother all robbed me about twelve years ago.

I think the young man, and his mother and father are part of that house on Monument drive terror cell that is owned by one of the county judges, it’s close to the freeway onramp at mile 66 across from some orange cones and a big Tee-Pee (wig-wam) in the yard, is on the north side of Monument, a place where a blue colored log truck parks, and there are two houses on the same tax lot, and a lot of junk in the front yard.

Things to consider are:

Todd Law: Is said to be the name of the leading person at the Hillcrest & Washington Ave US Postal facility.

A Macintosh computer w/special case.

Some vinyl records, old original pressing, rock & roll.

Possibly a bag filled with raw diamonds, five carrot and larger.

Mostly, consider that there are people who can find information about a head on a fence on this account, or, perhaps someone took that little part and posted it out of context somewhere else. The information I have does not say exactly where online the head or fence was seen posted.

no one can see that there are 873 posts on this account that are all about serious mass murder partly done by the people at the courthouse where I am told I need to appear at a hearing about a head and a fence.

no one says anything about Mark T. Esper, the US Secretary of Defense who was killed in defense at the Pain Specialists of Southern Oregon along with the Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVose last year, but, a new guy on the road I live on can get a court day.

Here comes that odor of wet camp fire again. 8:18 am.

When that guy robbed me so long ago, he was sent over here by Harold & Joan Phillips at 507 Jackpine. I learned that much and more back then. That house at 445 is said to be owned by a man by the name of Farrar, but I saw someone who was said to have been Mr. Farrar being taken captive, put into a 18 foot box truck moving van, one that had brought some new kitchen cabinets to 445 Jackpine. The person that was there attacking Mr. Farrar, was Micheal Brassil of 3701 Russell Road, and he was wearing a wig made of long blonde hair in a pony-tail that day when Farrar was attacked and put into the furniture/cabinet makers truck. That was so long ago that I cannot recall how long. There has been many different terror cells at 445 Jackpine over the course of time I have lived here, all of them are there to protect Harold & Joan Phillips from surprises of unwanted investigative persons who may have learned that the Phillips are related somehow to the British Royal Windsor family, and to the Wilson/Phillips of Mama’s & The Papa’s, and Beach Boys fame, and others of that same musical terror circle of treasonous bastards.

Much of the terrorism in Josephine County Oregon can be traced to Harold & Joan Phillips of 507 Jackpine Dr. Grants Pass Oregon, 97526.

The Phillips are Global Terrorists. They are commanders of world wide terrorism large scale. Harold has been dead for quite awhile. I have not seen Joan in a year or more, she is about 75 years old, walks with a limp, I think she has a prosthetic leg below the knee, right side, and has had that since 1999 or so. Joan drives an old nissan Quest mini van, as not to draw attention, is very innocent looking mini van.

This one:

Dangerous person drives that van.

That van gets an aerial escort with small aircraft everywhere it goes.

The owner of that van, Joan Phillips, controls all of the activities of Josephine County Courts and more, and she gets her marching orders direct from Britain.

That is the source of the problem at 445 where the stalking order came from yesterday.

Christopher Mecca, attorney who resides at Grants Pass Community Church on Russell Road, is the person who crafts up the stalking orders and the details within them. That one yesterday is the fourth one in twenty years or so. I only know one of the so called plaintiffs personally among them, and she married FBI agent Rabner after the stalking order was crafted up by Mecca, and became Betty Rabner, is dead now. Betty’s former husband, Jerry Keeling, was the Three Rivers School District Student Counselor at the time when all of the students were brutally killed at the local schools. Jerry Keeling married another school counselor, Sue Keeling. Jerry & Sue Keeling orchestrated much of the murders at the schools back then. Last known address was on Harbeck Road near South Middle School area, a District 7 School District school.

Send some help so we talk about this without the poison gas and murderous terror army surrounding me.

=====================

10:59 am:

Trending on Twitter:

The Joe Biden White House is waiting on baited breath to see what I know about this Khashoggi fake news terror hit command update bullshit story:

https://twitter.com/i/events/1364937835044696068

Thread says: “There must be some kind of hold up”

https://twitter.com/Joyce_Karam/status/1365013092707545098

Biden ordered a “5150″ psychiatric lock-up at my house, to cart me away into the Asante Hospital Abyss to be tortured, and to disapear so that the new guy at 445 can take this account with help from his wife, “Mrs George Castanza” (a young [fat] one)

What I know about Khashoggi’s murder will prompt the appropriate WH Salmon/Khashoggi official report when I post this.

The new report from WH on Twitter will contain the details of a “Yes/no” sort of answer to the question: “is StoneMan dead yet?”

It will contain the next phase of the ongoing White House attempts to kill me, since I am not quite dead yet. They are getting close though, just so you understand that.

This account will vanish when the kill me, or someone will say it’s just a novel, that I am writing a book online on Tumblr.

The WH Khashoggi report could only contain the key to finding the next phase of the planning of my murder that is happening at the Joe Biden White House, some info about when and where the new hit orders will be presented on Twitter, or perhaps in promotional music industry emailers.

Khashoggi’s are Euro Dollars. When the news was about “Killing Khashoggi, a news reporter, the real story is that “there are revealing secrets about the origin of the Euro Dollar, and that it’s existence was a planned means to allow free travel across Europe put in place by Britain operatives so that their Vatican terror army could kill & replace all of the Europeans with other people from Australia and new Zealand, Whales, England, Scotland, and parts of Ireland, and that included that Damascus was destroyed, as a decoy, distraction, road block, detour, confusion service when all of those migrants showed up all over Europe.

It’s complicated, I already explained it here elsewhere on this account, is one of the reasons Biden needs me dead, If the Biden WH does not kill me, the Brits will kill everyone at the Biden WH. Biden is not at the WH, he is a placeholder for other people, so, I call it “The Biden WH” for ease of discussion about an invisible entity that is running the WH from Kauaii at Kauaii Ranch in Hawaii, “Amp Guru” is the same thing, so is “The Jim Dunlop” almost.

So, Khashoggi’s are Euro’s. Basically “Monopoly Toy Money that is easy to carry across a border in Europe” ... Meanwhile, the Brits don‘t accept or use Euro’s. You have to exchange your Euro’s for Pound Sterling at an exchange house, where you will be identified, ID checked and noted, where in the EU, people travel from nation to nation anonymously and that is the purpose of the British Euro in the EU, toward Global Domination Under the Cross.

=============================================

1:26 pm:

I read more of that fake stalking order those fake deputies brought to me yesterday.

The paperwork includes an excerpt from the “February 15, 2021: 10:51 am:” entry I made that day.

The excerpt included has at least two different parts of explanations of things glued together as if it’s all one thing. There is a part in the excerpt where I say I saw a female, then, they used the expletive description of what a “Partner” is when a kidnapped US Citizen is surgically changed with experimental procedures, to specifications of the SAG member who special orders a “Partner”.

That means it’s all out of context.

That also means that since they used a actual printed page of excerpts from this account, that all of the entire 873 entries to date, are all on the table, and became part of the stalking order at the moment this account was quoted.

In law, if you bring a subject into the court, that entire subject matter is all on the table, not just the bits and pieces some asshole cherry picks and glues together to suit them.

Looks to me as if Kate Brown’s head is going to mounted on my driveway gate alongside Joe Biden, Nancy Sinatra, Ron Howard and Ann Wilson if the entire account of information is to be considered as stalking.

There is room for a few Josephine County Court fake judges in between the others too.

There might not be room for Judge Thomas Hull though, he is a very big fish with a lot of extra baggage that goes with him. Hull & Hull Mortuary Services, Hull Real Estate, Hull Construction, Hull Attorney’s at Law ... etc. and so on.

=====

1:58 pm:

There is a set of rules that are spoken about in Josephine county for as long as I have lived in the county, since 1996.

“If you want to cross the River Styx, you have to pay the Boatman”

Judge Thomas Hull is “The Boatman“.

There is a boat ramp on the Rogue River off of Lower River Road nearby a place called “Wildlife Images”, on Ferry Hole Ave, is called Ferry Hole Boat Ramp.

Legend has it, that there was once a ferry that you had to take to cross the Rogue River right there at Ferry Hole Boat Ramp, from a time before there was Robertson Bridge. That is where you pay the Boatman, Three Boys Towing is always nearby there to help you part with your money, wife, ice chest, fishing gear, truck, boat, motor, 2.5 Children, and trailer.

Tommy Two Toes and Three Fingers Louie with a flat bed wrecker and super duty Warn Winch are always there ... Guido rides on the bed of the truck, tucked away, out of sight between the cab & bed.

Has anyone looked into those boat backwards boat ramps I mentioned yesterday? Ferry Hole Boat Ramp is among the worst of them. Graves Creek is bad too, that one gets you with the rusted metal brackets that are poking out of the cement work at the boat ramp.

Indian Mary Park Boat Ramp is not so bad, it launches the boat into some white water, at 90 degrees to the current ... it’s that piece of rebar that is sticking out of the sand just to the left of the ramp that gets the victims mostly at Indian Mary.

Galice Resort Boat Ramp has almost the exact same rebar in the exact same place as does Indian Mary. There is something special about rusty metal in the river around here. They will tell you it’s: “historic mining remnants”, as an excuse for rusty metal poking out at where you need to step to put the boat in the water.

===================

2:37 pm:

More about Khashoggi’s (Cash Hoagie’s Bogart; Pelosi’s Subway COVID Stimulus Package)

The Euro was sold as a bill of goods, snake oil, magic potion, “Genie in a Bottle” is a real good analogy for Euro’s. British finance expert insiders in the EU sold the Euro like a shoe salesmen selling Moccasins to an Eskimo.

“Imagine the convenience, unity, the influx of more equal trade and strength in the EU community in the future”.

Then, Brexit.

Britain sells the goods, waits around for awhile to help teach their Eskimo to walk in moccasins in the snow without getting frost bite, then, they want to leave the EU, and, it’s like American Express & Visa after that, you need a Visa, but these Khashoggies will work anywhere to make sure the terror army has free travel arrangements available all over Europe with the same cash they were given by the Brits to start with. Like USA and Dollars between states.

Later, Damascus was completely destroyed. The oldest city on earth, been continuously inhabited for about 4000 years, and then all gone within two-weeks.

There was hardly a mention of Damascus being destroyed at the time. Then, all of the survivors were coaxed into going to Europe for assistance, by concerned people who said they would help the ones displaced from Damascus. Information I have is that there were aerial drops of printed information that provided a map of where food, clothing, water, shoes and very basic supplies were available on a route that led to France. Sort of a pop-up Walmart in remote places where the survivors were told they could find what they needed along a route that they walked the whole way to France, is what I know about that, but I was not there, I just happened to be at a place where I could here the planning, and then later, what I heard really happened when all of those people began walking to France from Damascus,

That’s all I know about it, except that the people who arrived in France and other parts of Europe were never said to have come from Damascus, they were said to have come from somewhere else, for some other reason than Damascus having been destroyed.

They turned Damascus into “Historical Mining Remnants” like we have on the Rogue River.

So who was it really that showed up in France, and were said to have caused so many problems there?

I see at least two possible different groups of people. One is that the people from Damascus made it to France with help from some maps dropped from airplanes that explained where food, clothing and shoes could be had along a route to France.

The other possibility is that the survivors were killed along the route to France at the Pop-Up Walmart’s.

I fully believe the information about the flyers with the maps telling the survivors where to find help, but I don‘t know if they were killed or actually helped.

My inclination is that the survivors were set-up, lured into a bottleneck with a promise of assistance, and killed at the pop-up Walmart.

Maybe the ones who went to France were from India, a British ruled nation. If so, and they were armed with Euros to spend, they could just do the same as the Canadians are doing in USA, just going city to city murdering millions of people, to take over for Britain, while Britain makes distraction bullshit and says they don‘t want to be part of EU anymore.

no matter which way I look at the details, it all comes out where Britain is the offensive party, and are sneaky bastards too, who like to play dress up. “The Royals” when they wear those colorful military commander outfits, are communication about where, when, how to do an attack somewhere. Those assholes are never going to get anywhere near a conventional war, so, you know those outfits have some other purpose just with the fact that they wear them sometimes, but never leave the balcony at the castle when they do.

Rambling about Khashoggi’s and Damascus is not going to help me though, so, that’s all I have on that.

no help has come, there is no where US Citizens can get medical services in Oregon, there are only fake services, and, the terror soldiers are able to get the very best medical service.

There are no signs of helpful people and it’s to dangerous to walk outside even if my leg was not so painful.

The poison gas continues.

I heard three small explosions in the distance over the past few hours.

The train that travels along Russell Road has changed over the past week or more. The change I can notice is the sound the locomotive makes is a sound of a very light weight rail vehicle, not the usual locomotive engine. The new vehicle sounds a lot like a very quiet jet turbine motor, it whines. The usual locomotive makes the ground vibrate when it passes by, this new one is almost undetectable, has no weight. The sound of the train whistle is different, and last night the train went by and did not sound the horn at all ... very unusual for that, the train always sounds the horn at the crossings, but not every time this week. Yesterday, that train went south at about 8:00 am, and I don‘t think I have ever heard the train at that hour before.

So clearly the machinery is different, and the train operator is different this week. That is notable with so many poison gas symptoms I am experiencing lately.

Please send help, Bring your own hospital.

=================================

3:42 pm:

There is no Russia.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Household-Wooden-4-Wheels-Stress-Relief-Body-Neck-Muscle-Massage-Roller-Beige/870137218?wmlspartner=wmtlabs&adid=22222222222105785182&wmlspartner=wmtlabs&wl0=e&wl1=o&wl2=c&wl3=74835578301540&wl4=pla-4578435148129588:aud-807615483&wl5=&wl6=&wl7=&%20wl10=Walmart&wl12=870137218_10000000599&wl14=massage%20wooden%20roller&veh=sem&msclkid=93a3e07744f01a7e2d8c804ec34a74f0

this thing above is a “Hand Car” in terror speak.

It means “Roll”, as in “Beat the living daylight out of the son of a bitch”

Trust me, it’s old Hollywood terror talk to beat some one up.

I’ll pay for one with an Opie Monogram delivered to Ron Howard.

There is no where to go Opie. The helicopter, fake airplane, and key-mask-filter are mainstream news now.

“Roll a drunk?” Otis Campell at the Mayberry RFD Jail.

=========================================

3:59 pm:

Internet terror consortium at Centurylink/Google/Tumblr/Microsoft are hacking me with use of Vaiocare software today, happens often, today I am able to see part of what they can do to foul me up when I am writing important Global Security information, as follows:

The assholes at Centurlink have a mobile command center installed at three places, maybe four places, maybe more.

Monroe at 434

The new guy at 445

Chartrand at 376

The torture house at 520

Those are all places where I know my phone line has been spit, and is accessed, attached to those phone lines.

The Vaiocare shows a small pop-up almost everyday for ten years or more at random times. It says: “Vaiocare. Make Recovery Media”

Then, that happens as I am doing a search for something I need to share or learn about online, so, when the search results are shown, they tend to vanish, searches for photos just brings a lot of blank placeholders where the photos should be showing to choose from in the search results.

The same as the way my suspended Twitter account looks, Twitter took the photos out of my suspended account, and they put a colorful placeholder in place of the photos. So the Vaicare software is supposed to be a proprietary software for maintaining the Sony computers it comes with, but it has an access to it the same as does the norton Symantec security software does.

The bastards are preventing me from doing internet search as a result of the Vaiocare pop-up that says: “Make Recovery Media”

The asshole also was able to start and run my Google Chrome automatically without any of my doing, all by itself the Chrome Browser just started to run.

I don‘t use Google Chrome anymore since I found out about the thing called “Pep-Flash-Player” which can make anyone’s computer look as if porn is running on Google Chrome when no porn is actually running on the computer.

[calliecat93]

Red vs Blue: Season 1 - The Blood Gulch Chronicles P1

 If you have been a fan of Rooster Teeth or been on the internet since 2003, chances are you may have heard of the series, Red vs Blue, at least once. Created April 1st 2003, the Halo-inspired webseries about two opposing teams in a box canyon and the stupidity hat ensues has evolved form a 3 minute show made by some nerds in a spare bedroom to not only the internet’s longest running episodic webseries, but the longest running American produced science fiction series. Originally helmed by creator Burnie Burns, the show has run for 15 seasons with a 16th upcoming and gone through various showrunners and tone shifts, but it has always maintained it’s comedy, character dynamics, and wide appeal.

I am very late to the game with RvB, having only gotten into it in early 2017. But even in that amount of time, looking back onto Season One after watching the rest of the show... felt a little jarring. There’s various reasons why. Low quality audio , below average voice performances, characters not being fully fleshed out, and outdated graphics.  When you look at this season and then look at... say Season 10, you can see how far the quality of all of these, as well as the writing, have come since the old days. However the importance of this season and it’s success cannot be ignored. Without this, Rooster Teeth most likely would not have existed. Which that would mean that Achievement Hunter, RWBY, Camp Camp, Day 5, etc would also not exist. It’s importance cannot be ignored here.

So I guess that gets the exposition out of the way, so lets go into the review.

Overview

Talking about Red vs Blue, especially the Blood Gulch Chronicles (Seasons 1-5) is honestly... not easy. The first season especially. Why? Well while RvB has always been a comedy, it later shifted into being more of a dramedy with an ongoing story. This one has the least amount of story, driven more by the characters shenanigans and dialogue.The good news though is that, despite what I thought when I began the show, you don’t have to know shit about Halo to enjoy it. There are some references, like one character referencing Master Chief and the Covenant in the first episode, but you don’t have to understand the lore at all. It may help, but its unnecessary. Which is good since I’ve never played the game and anything I know about is either from this show, Lets Plays, or looking it up.

The show’s concept is, at least in the beginning, pretty simple. So there’s this box canyon, Blood Gulch, smack dab in the middle of nowhere. In this canyon are two bases, Red Base and Blue Base. There are also two teams, the Read Team and the Blue Team. These two sides are at war because... ugh... some reason. The first episode points this out, so lets meet our cast. On the Reds, we are first introduced to Richard ‘Dick’ Simmons (voiced by Gustavo ‘Gus’ Sorola) clad in maroon and is the one pondering this to begin with (”Do you ever wonder why we’re here?). The other soldier, clad in orange, is Dexter Grif (voiced by Geoff Fink, better known today as Geoff Ramsey) and... yeah he has no idea why either, just getting strangely philosophical (”It’s one of life’s greatest mysteries, isn’t it?). The answer is because each side has a base in the canyon. Yeah, that’s the reason. Just go with it.

There’s two other Red soldiers, but we’ll get to them later. For now, lets shift over to the Blues. They only have two guys, Team Leader in colbalt Leonard Church (Burnie Burns) and Lavernius Tucker (Jason Saldana). Episode One very quickly establishes the two sides daily routine. Often, they just stand at their base on guard duty ether talking or watching the other side. Sometimes even both! It’s something that they’re used to/tired of with Church getting annoyed at Tucker pestering him about what the Reds are doing, which is the same thing they always do. Considering that these Season 1 episode are around three minutes long each, they do put that time to good used. The first two episodes alone are enough to establish the majority of the main cast and give us a feel of the two sides regular routine.

Speaking of Episode 2, Simmons and Grif have been called down by their leader, Sarge. Out of all the characters, Sarge is.. the most noticibly different in terms of voice. In the entire series he is voiced by Matt Hullum, RT’s current CEO... but the voice he uses here is DRASTICALLY different. But I’ll elaborate on that more when I get to character stuff. But speaking of voices, this is also a good time to mention one of the season’s biggest flaws, the audio work. It is very difficult to understand what the characters are saying a good chunk of the time with the filter effect not making it any easier. I had to turn up the volume various times to fully makeout what was being said. There is a reason why however. The RT guys were doing all of this out of a spare bedroom, pr in Matt and a few others cases, over the phone. The company was literally three guys (Burnie, Geoff, and Gus and at some point during BGC Gus temporarily moved to Puerto Rico, leaving only two guys) in a bedroom with an XBox and some cheap equipment. So it is very understandable why the audio was low quality, not counting the below average voice acting. But still the audio, especially compared to later seasons were they do have high quality equipment, is noticeable and annoying.

Okay, back to the series. Sarge shows the two privates their newest toy, the Warthog. An army jeep that... I gotta agree with Grif, I think Puma is a much more fitting name. We also learn that Sarge wants Grif dead. Seriously, he gets very creative with ideas in later seasons. The When You Wish Upon a Star parody in Season 8 always kills me. Lets put it this way, we learn that Grif gets shit on. A lot. The Reds are also expecting a rookie to be joining their ranks soon, much to the privates aggravation. A sentiment that the Blues can relate to as they too are expecting their own rookie. Oh, they’re also getting a tank! Cool... but can it play polka music like the Warthog? I don’t think so!

This leads us to episode 3! I’ll give the show this, it goes by quick. So while arguing over going to the Vegas Quadrant, which funnily enough was based on a true story that was later made into an RTAA, Simmons and Grif meet the rookie! Franklin Delano Donut (Dan Godwin), currently clad in the same red-colored armor that Sarge wears. Speaking of, Sarge is currently away at command and as left Simmons in charge... a memo that Grif didn’t get. No surprise there. Anyways, the privates decide to mess with Donut, tricking him into going to a non-existent a store to pick up some elbow grease and headlight fluid. Well now this RTAA suddenly makes sense. While Simmons does wonder if this was too harsh, Grif assures him that all that’s gonna happen is that the kid will run around the canyon for a few hours. What could possibly go wrong?

Meanwhile, the Blues got their tank as well as their own rookie, Michael J Caboose (Joel Heyman). They’re all admiring it with Church bringing up having a girlfriend back home. This causes Caboose to accidentally call her a... not nice word, annoying Church and setting up their relationship for the rest of the series. History in the making folks! Anyways, the two older soldiers get annoyed and send Caboose to guard the flag inside and await a general who doesn't look like them. Just as Donut arrives, and the two stupidly don’t turn around to see who they’re talking to, just assuming that it’s Caboose. So Donut goes in and since he doesn’t loo like the Blues... yeah you can both guess what Caboose does and how much Church probably wants to bang his head into the wall.

Church, believing Donut to be Sarge, wants to use a teleporter to cut him off... by making Tucker go first. Tucker refuses since it’s only been used on rocks, but Church forces him into it. And... nothing comes out of the other end. Wow, I’ve seen characters die early on, but daaaang. So Church goes on foot. Meanwhile, Grif eventually sees that Donut has the flag and he and Simmons get the Warthog. Church catches up to Donut, discovering that it’s not the sergeant... as Tucker finally comes out of the teleporter. His armor, which is normally aqua, is now completely black and he assumes that he got sent into the past. No, no Tucker, it’s two seasons too soon to bring time travel into the mix. Be patient kind sir! Anyways, the Reds show up and cause the Blues to take cover with Grif sending Donut back to Red Base. Kind of weird to see Grif doing his job tbh. Caboose, seeing that the others are in trouble, goes to get the tank.

We now meet Shelia. The tank! Yes, the tank has a name. She takes Caboose through the tutorial program... which he sucks at. Don't you just hate it when that happens? He is able to get it to the Reds, who have left the Warthog to get at the Blues, and the two plan to run back... with Grif leaving Simmons in the dust. Jerk. Well it doesn't matter, the Warthog ends up blown up when Caboose turns on the automatic firing system. Simmons yells at Grif for having the bright idea of exiting the Warthog... though if they had stayed in it, they’d be dead. But meh, whatever. In the meantime, Church realizes that Caboose is piloting the tank and comes out... causing Shelia to target on him and... 

So... yeah... Church is dead. Damn, and only eight episodes in too. But ah well, he’s dead! That’s that! It happens! No reason to care whatsoever! Moving right along now! Oh, and going back to the audio, that explosion nearly blew my ears out when I had it on 10% of the volume. SO thanks for that RT, bunch of assholes.

The Reds eventually make it back to the base as the tank continues to fire madly. Caboose is afraid to try anything to stop it since... you know, he just became a team killing fucktard and all. Fortunately, Sarge calls the team, currently on his way back to base. Grif, in rapid succession, explains what’s happening and luckily Sarge has a solution... by dropping bombs! To his credit it works as Shelia is blown up, though Caboose is able to exit in time. He mourns the loss of the lady in the tank (roll with me here) and the Reds take the first victory in what up to now was a standstill. And that ends the first half of the season!

So lets about the production a little bit. Season 1 is 19 episode long, averaging at around three minutes. This was not the plan. From what I understand, Burnie’s original plan was for RvB to be a miniseries, IDK the exact intended episode count but it wasn't supposed to be this long. I can only assume that the initial success caused him to expand on it. But the point is, there was no long term plan. As such, Burnie originally wrote the episode mere days before they were set to premiere. Unless you are South Park, that kind of production schedule is INSANE. Now since this was initially going to be a miniseries, its once more understandable, hence hwy I’m not going to go off on it like I would with any other show. I only bring this up for a historical perspective and because the next few episodes are going to contain events that will shape the series much later in the future. Events that were conceived shortly before the episode went into production. But I’ll get more into that when we get to the Recollection Trilogy. 

Now for the second half of the season. With a member dead and the tank totaled, Tucker, whose back to aqua-colored armor, calls command for backup. He’s answered by VIC. Now VIC is usually voiced by Burnie, but in this season he’s voiced by a different actor, and it shows. Anyways, the best that VIC can offer is to bring in a nearby Freelancer agent. Freelancers are neutral agents, often being employed by either side... or that’s the story Tucker gives. Oh Recollection Trilogy/Freelancer Saga, it’s gonna be FUN going over you. The agent being hired is known by Agent Texas, or Tex for short. It’s then that Tucker and Caboose receive a visitor... Church! As a ghost! Just... just go with it, okay? Anyways, Church came back to warn the two about Tex, an overly aggressive agent who murdered all of Church’s former squadmates on a snow planet known as Sidewinder. One soldier in particular, Jimmy, got beaten to death with his own skull. Man, that doesn't seem physically possible.

The point is, Tex is dangerous. Having this soldier in particular get involved may end up being more trouble than it’s worth. Church can’t elaborate too much, but he does make it clear to Tucker and Cabosoe that they, under ANY circumstances, should NOT involve Tex whatsoever. He also adds that Tex is the reason why he and his girlfriend didn’t get married, but he vanishes before he can talk further. Tucker is left confused... just as Tex arrives tot he canyon. Ho boy... so guys, do the Blues either A, heed Church’s advice and decide to not use Tex after all? Or B, disregard it completely and let Tex do whatever the Hell they want? If you guessed A, you are giving this show far too much credit, no cookie for you!

Well actually, I guess I can’t blame Tucker too much for not keeping Tex out though. I mean the first thing that they do is use Caboose for target practice. Considering what we find out later, there is another way to interpret this. But the Blues need Tex to get back their flag, and they have a very simple plan: go murder everyone and get it. Bloody... but hey, points for simplicity. Meanwhile, Grif gets the blame for the Warthog and yelled/shot at by Sarge. Donut is lamenting wanting his own armor color... before getting grenaded by Tex, who knocks Grif out and Simmons... meh, he just faints.  All as the Blues watch the carnage from the safety of their base.

Tex returns the flag to the Blues... somehow without leaving Red Base. Weird. But that’s not all that returns, so does Church! Needless to say, he’s not happy when he realizes that his teammates completely ignored what he said and let Tex get very much involved in the conflict. Speaking of Tex, Sarge is able to catch them and knock them out. Grif and Simmons get back up, the latter denying that he fainted. Donut is still down and heavily injured cause a grenade to the HEAD at POINT BLANK RANGE is totally survivable, but if they move fast, he can get treated and recover, so they go look for Sarge.

Lets go check back with the Blues, who have realized that Tex has been captured. Church is annoyed and Tucker brings up his previous comment about Tex being why he didn’t marry his girlfriend. This... isn’t the exact truth. This leads into the biggest plot twist of the season, one that Burnie came up with shortly before the episode’s release. So that girlfriend of Church’s? Turns out that is Tex. Yep, Tex is a girl. We confirm this when she gets back up and a voice filter she was using to sound masculine shorts out, revealing the voice of Kathleen Zuelch (Gynda Goodwitch in RWBY). Much to the Reds shock.

Church goes on to explain Tex’s deal. You see, she had been recruited into a secret military program and given an AI. This AI caused spikes in anger and aggression levels, turning Tex into a violent, bitchy killing machine. Still, Church does care enough that he rallies the others into mounting a rescue. How? Well Church plans on breaking into the Red Base, which with him being a ghost is the most logical option, while Tucker and Caboose play distraction. To help with this, he has the two go through the teleporter to turn their armor back. Yeah I glossed over this, but Freelancers supposedly dress in black armor. This gets majorly retconned later though.

The plan ultimately works pretty dang well. The Blues distract Grif, Church possesses Sarge (which Burnie’s impression ALWAYS kills me), who goes down and knocks Simmons out... again. Well it wasn't by fainting this time. Tex... takes this this all pretty well. The two make their escape, but Caboose is unaware of the possession and... ends up shooting Sarge. GDI Caboose. Which then leads us to, what is by far, the most confusing episode of the season. Not the show, oh Season 3 in itself is a major mindscrew, but man does this one hurt my brain.

So after being shot, Sarge wakes up in the afterlife where Church also is. Oh, Shelia’s there too and Church isn’t happy about... you know, her killing him and all. So Sarge is currently in limbo as in the real world, Grif tries to save him... with CPR... on a head wound... yeah if you wanna survive Blood Gulch Chronicles, then you are going to have to throw logic COMPLETELY out the window. Trust me, when you do it makes it more bearable. This works, again forget logic, and Sarge wakes up good as new. He still berates Grif for it though, even though he just saved his life and all. At least Church and Tex got away alive... okay Church is technically dead, but just... just go with it!

Sometime later, Donut is back and recovered. He also has his own armor color now! Pi... I-I mean, lightish-red!  Sarge also has obtained a speech unit for a Red member that I haven’t talked about yet because he has done absolutely nothing. Lopez, the group’s mechanic who as it turns out is a robot. Up until now he had zero lines and no overall relevance to the Reds antics, so I didn’t feel the need to bring him up. The speech unit works... except only in Spanish. I watched a recent RT Podcast the week before Christmas and Burnie, who also voices Lopez (yeah he does a good amount of voices, I think he did Tex’s voice filter too), got the idea from talking toys that would get stuck on the wrong language setting. When he explained that, it made SO MUCH MORE sense. So no one can understand Lopez and misinterpret everything that he says, a running gag for the entire series that’ll be better utilized in later seasons.

Over on the Blues, Tex is convinced to stick around until the Reds are taken out. as repayment for saving her. Why are the Blues keeping her around? Well Church wants to get the AI out of her head still and that would be kind of hard if she left. Plus forcing her when he can’t even fire a gun properly would not end well. They get Tex to work on repairing Shelia and Church finds that his body is still where he died. Worst, it’s rotting. Eww!! So a bit of a snag comes up. You see, when the Reds are dead, Tex will leave. Church can’t have that happen, so that means that he needs the Reds to stay alive. Since Tex almost has Shelia operational and will strike with her when done, he decides to go and warn them, leading us into the season finale.

Church leaves the Blues to update him on Tex as he goes to the Reds. He takes over Lopez and tries to warn them of the attack... but since Lopez can only speak Spanish, it goes about as well as you’d expect. Tex finishes Shelia and makes her move. Tucker allows Caboose to radio Church over this, a point that we’ll get to later. Church can’t properly convey that his warning failed and Tex proceeds to open fire on the Red Base. Well... shit. The now repaired Warthog fails to help, so what can stop Tex? As it turns out... Donut! He gets what may be some of the best karma upon someone ever, managing to throw a long-distance grenade into Shelia, causing her to explode and promptly kill Tex... for now.

Church, mortified, runs to Tex, leaving the Reds confused. In her dying breath, Tex confirms that the AI is gone and thanks Church. So that leaves the question, what happened to the AI? We find out soon enough. Tucker, realizing that things have gone to Hell, tells Caboose to fall back to Blue Base. But Caboose turns towards the camera, his voice becoming noticeably more menacing as he insists on being called O’Malley. And thus, Season One and the first part of The Blood Gulch Chronicles, comes to a close.

Review

(WARNING: POTENTIAL SPOILERS FOR LATER SEASONS)

Phew! That was a LOT of typing! For Blood Gulch, I’m going to be covering each season in their own post unless it looks necessary otherwise. Mainly because out of the current arcs, Blood Gulch is the least story heavy and the hardest to talk about due to it. But that doesn't mean that there’s nothing to say about it. But, as the warning above indicates, I’m going to bring up later seasons, but I’ll try not to give too much away. So... lets begin with...

Machinima

I couldn’t find a good place to talk about this in the overview, so we’ll do it here. For those unaware, RvB is not a traditionally animated series. It is created via use of machinima. According to Wikipedia, Machinima is “the use of real-time computer graphics engines to create a cinematic production. Most often video games are used to generate the computer animation.“  In short, it means taking an engine like say an X-Box and using a program like say Halo to create the graphics. 

Now there is some belief that RvB is the first to do this, but that isn’t true. This method has existed since at least the 90′s, although it didn’t get the name ‘machinima’ until the early 2000′s. But what can be said is that RvB took the concept and made it work on a mainstream level. No one else was using machinima on the scale that Rooster Teeth was. The only other notable works I could find before RT’s influence was some short films using a video came called Quake, which was the first machinima to be created. I think it’s safe to say that no one had tried making a full-fledged continuous series out of it, or at least no one was hugely successful. It’s also not exactly an easy process, especially in 2003. For example, if you leave a character standing too long they’ll do a default motion as programmed into the game. This can kill a scene and therefore the machinimators will be forced to start all over again. If you have three or so characters all in the same scene and just one does this or you make even a minor mistake with the controls, you have to start from scratch. How Burnie and Geoff did this and lived I’ll never know. Just imagine how it is in later seasons when more characters are brought in, ugh...

The guys used the original Halo for Season 1 and years later would make a remaster. So as far as the machinima goes, it’s done pretty good. They’re limited in what they can do n some shots looked weird, like how when Tex’ filter shorts out she’s facing the Reds, then in the next shot is faced away form them. So that can be kind of jarring, but nothing that really throws off anything.  About the only thing I hated looking at was VIC, who is more uncanny here than in any other season. But meh, his scenes are brief so I can live.

The graphics... have not aged well. This is not RT’s fault, the original Halo is nearly 15 years old and was part of the first generation of XBox. It’s not going to like Final Fantasy, is all I’m saying. Blood Gulch nowadays looks... IDK how to describe it. The settings look more realistic and less bulky and cheap in later seasons, though granted we get more than one location in later seasons. We’re limited to only the box canyon here. But again, I’m not expecting Pixar-quality CGI, so it doesn’t really take away form anything.

Writing

Like I said earlier, episodes were written shortly before they were set to be released. There was also no long-term plan, so Burnie was pretty much making things up as he went along. I mentioned Tex’s gender reveal, but things like Church being killed and in turn the ghost thing were not planned. They were conceived essentially on the spot. Normally, this kind of production style would murder a production. But... I’m not gonna lie, the writing is not bad. Yeah there’s stuff that breaks my brain like the ghost thing and Sarge in the afterlife, but there do get explained in later seasons and humor is subjective, so it might just be me.

Because of machinima’s limitation, the script and writing was probably the most vital thing. If people didn’t find it funny or engaging, then they weren’t going to watch it. This is a very dialogue heavy show where the lines and interactions are what tells you about a character and what they are feeling. Since the character models... you know, have a helmet covering the face and body language is near impossible, you can get why. And the dialogue is pretty good. Tucker’s en about women hooking up like Voltron cracked me up. Oh that’s one thing, the series relies heavily on black humor that wouldn't be out of place in South Park, so... be prepared for that.

BGC is very comedic focused. There is a plot and there are elements that later seasons will heavily rely heavily on. But the comedy is ultimately what comes first. There's a lot of jarring things as I mentioned, but I can say this. They do put many of these things to good use. For example, the teleporter turning armor black. I guess that may be a joke about Halo that I don’t get, but Church later utilizes this to create a distraction. Church is a ghost, and he uses this twice ti limited success. Church mentioning a girlfriend was done to have Caboose make a slut joke, and then it turns out that Tex is that girlfriend. Considering how the writing schedule was, it’s impressive that Burnie was able to take so many little things that were jokes and utilize them for the plot later. Looking back, it’s like a precursor to the decisions he makes for the Recollection trilogy, but that’s for there and not here. Still, kudos for taking those elements and making something out of them. That’s the kind of writing I like to see!

But as I said, the plot is secondary. Season One relies heavily on it’s character and the shenanigans they get into. The plot is kicked off by Donut mistaking Blue Base for a store when Caboose was conveniently told that the make-believe general didn’t look like a Blue. Pretty contrived when you think about it. The biggest plot twists were Church’s death and Tex being a girl, which again were split second decisions. It helped keep things interesting, but it shows that not a whole lot of thought went into the story. Ultimately while the show is genuinely funny, knew how to use certain bits to it’s advantage, and had those two twists, I don’t thin that the writing is exactly what got the show to succeed.

Audio/Voice Acting

We already went into the audio, and how it’s not very good. But the voice acting... is not much better. Aside from Joel and to a degree Matt, none of these guys are actors. So it is not at all a surprise that the voice acting is below average at best. I can tell that they’re trying, but... it comes off as empty and unmotivated a lot of the time. The best of the bunch are Burnie, Kathleen, and the aforementioned Matt and Joel. And even then, it’s weak compared to later on. I’m not saying that the others are bad, it’s just obvious that they were new to this at the time. I mean here’s a video of Gus and Geoff’s first recording session. 

If you’re not distracted by how young they are  (seriously, QUIT GETTING OLD), Geoff missing about 90% of his tattoos, and Gus’ lack of hair, you can tell that they have zero idea what they are doing. I can’t blame them though, this is the very first session after all and again they are trying. Matt, Joel, and Kathleen were also working out of California so I can only imagine how tough getting the proper direction for them was. All of them do improve MASSIVELY though as the series goes on, Heck Season 2 is noticeably better but more on that then. I think another big reason on why it was lacking is because aside from Matt, they aren’t really playing a character so much as exaggerated versions of themselves, so they don’t have as much to work with. Hence why it’s good that Burnie fleshed them out in Season 2.

The show’s music is... actually pretty good! There’s not a lot, mainly just guitar rifts used during season transitions, but they’re work. They have a folk music feel to them (or in the Warthog theme’s case polka) and I’m not normally a huge fan of that genre, but here it works. The shows intro, Blood Gulch Blues, it itself is really catchy and fun to listen to. The music was done by a group called Trocadero, who would do several other seasons. Now do I consider this to be the best music in the series? Well... it’s good, but no. Later seasons have a lot of really good tracks. But still, the soundtrack is nice to listen to and I really enjoy it!

Characters

To me, what makes or breaks a show is the use of it’s characters. A cliched story can be good if it’s both told well and if it’s character are utilized well. The cast here have a range of personalities and no two are the same. That said... they’re definitely not that fleshed out yet. There’s a few tiny things here and there. Simmons is a kissass to Sarge, Tucker makes the comment about using the tank to pick up women, Caboose is... not the brightest crayon in the box, but it’s not what defines them initially. Grif might be the biggest example of this I can think of. Later seasons establishes him as a fat, lazy slob who proudly shrinks his responsibilities, steals rations, and will eat expired food if he feels the need. Here? He... actually is trying to do his job with minimal complaint. I mean one of his lines in Episode 1 has him refer to joining the army to kick alien ass. He would NEVER say that nowadays.

Since I’m already talking about Grif, we’ll start the deeper looks with him. Grif is my favorite character in the show, albeit it took until Season 15 to set that in stone. So going back to now helps put things into perspective for me. As I said, the characters aren’t all that fleshed out yet. Grif is definitely the most laid back of the Reds, but again he’s willingly doing his job. He doesn't really display much of his more lazy characterization that we’re used to. The worst thing he does is leave Simmons to be killed by the tank to save his own skin, which yeah is a pretty shitty thing to do. None of these characters are exactly the most moral, to put it lightly. Back on topic, Grif’s the one who has them go get Donut, makes him go back to base, actually tries to get at the Blues before Shelia came, and even tried to save Sarge, I honestly believe that after Sarge got after him for using CPR, he decided ‘fuck this, I’m gonna get shit on no matter what the fuck I do, so I’m gonna do whatever the hell I want. It’ll make Sarge and Simmons pissy either way, so why even care? I’m just gonna do whatever the fuck I want and they can suck it up!” If that’s true, I can totally buy that and I’m sticking to that. But otherwise, Grif doesn't o very much aside from being the Red’s punching bag. Poor guy.

Simmons also does not do a whole lot. We do establish very quickly that he’s a kissass to Sarge’s command and he and Grif have this weird love-hate relationship. I can't think of too many nerdy moments for Simmons this season, IDT that really comes out until next season. Maybe even Season 3 when he’s fiddling with the portals. I could easily just be forgetting though. He’s kind of an arrogant dick, but he doesn't do anything that really makes him unlikeable. Maybe yelling at Grif about the Warthog, but Grif left him to die... yeah I guess I can’t blame him there... sort of. But otherwise, Simmons isn’t given a whole lot to do aside from arguing wit Grif and siding with Sarge. What I can say that him and Grif’s interactions were probably one of my favorite things in the season. The banter and chemistry between them felt really natural and I snickered at a lot of their bits, like arguing over Simmons fainting. This is probably because Gus and Geoff IRL are best friends, so I can imagine that their dialogue just wrote itself. But it’ works really well and helps make these two likebale despite both being assholes.

Sarge is still the leader and the one most determined to kill the Blues, but it’s definitely not as insane as later. The voice very much reflects this. Sarge has a very exaggerated southern accented voice in the show... except here and the start of Season 2. The southern accent is still there, but it’s mroe... .subdued? Laidback? Normal? IDK the right word, it’s definitely less exaggerated though. It was so jarringly different that I wasn’t sure if it was Matt still doing the voice at first. Sure enough it was still him. I can only assume that when they made Sarge’ murderous tendencies more exaggerated starting next season, Matt felt the need to do the same with his performance to reflect the character, And thank God for it. It felt so wrong here. Matt was probably the best actor, but that’s because he’s the only one given a character. As I said, Burnie essentially write exaggerated versions of his co-workers. Matt, as far as I know since I don’t work for him, isn’t a southern-accented drill Sargent. Anyone who works at RT reading this, please feel free to correct me. But anyways, Sarge is the leader, hates Grif, and is probably the most competent fighter among them, though not by much. Not much else to say otherwise except kudos for getting the most confusing scene in the season Sarge!

There’s even less to say about Donut and Lopez. Lope.... does nothing except fix the Warthog and shoot at Grif once. He eventually gets a speech module that only works in Spanish, and that only serves to make Church fail to warn the Reds. That’s it. Donut is the rookie who has no idea what is happening. He, next to Grif, is also the most different form later. he’s... normal here. I don’t recall him spouting even one innuendo an Dan’s voice is a lot less high pitched than later. He kicks off the plot by accidentally stealing the flag and is ultimately the one to defeat Tex. Which I will admit, was awesome and it was very fitting. But otherwise, Donut doesn’t get much to do here... or for much of the series infact. And don’t get me wrong, I like these characters and find them fun, but from a story perspective... yeah these two in particular aren't given much. But we’ll focus on that in later seasons.

As you may have noticed, the Reds don’t have much story going on.. and don’t for the majority of the series, sadly. They’re just the opposing force/comedic relief essentially. The Blues are the ones who move the story... well most of them. Tucker moves it the least, so we’ll start with him. He’s essentially there to be someone that Church can bicker with when not pissed at Caboose. In this season, this makes him the least interesting compared to Church with his ghost development and relationship with Tex, the badass Tex, and the dim-witted Caboose. His defining trait of being into women isn’t even really here aside from the earlier stuff with the tank. He will have more time to shine and show his competence, but that’s really not going to be until he gets the sword. We’re going to be waiting a while. But as with Grif and Simmons, the banter between Tucker and Church was really good and it worked. I can say the same for Tucker and Caboose as well.

Speaking of Caboose, he’s still an idiot... but not as badly. I mean Joel’s not even using the 'act like I’m taking to tiny animals’ voice that we’re familiar with. He’s using his regular voice. While Caboose is still obsessed with Church being his ‘best friend’and a dimwit, such as shooting Church when possessing Sarge, it’s not even close to what we’re used to. he has common sense and some train of thought for one, such as getting the idea to use the tank. It backfired horribly, but he recognized the danger. Now there is a potential in-universe reason on why Caboose became dumber, but we’ll cover that next season. For now, Caboose is at worst dimwitted and frustrating to Church, but hilarious for us. He’s still the character that I laughed at the most.

Tex comes in later, but she’s drastically different form the others. Not just because she’s the only girl either. She’s the most violent and willing to kill. I mean even Sarge hasn’t exactly done anything as brutal as hit a Blue with a grenade at point blank yet. Part of this can be blame on the AI making Tex more vicious than she would otherwise be. Personality wise, she’s no-nonsense and serious minded, there to get her job done as quickly and effectively as possible. She’s easily able to take on the Reds and only loses due to Sarge getting the jump on her... and even then she got the flag back tot he Blues so she didn’t exactly fail. She’s a tough person and doesn't have the best attitude in the world, even without the AI. She;s awesome and her arrival is ultimately the biggest story element. Her and Church's relationship is funny and really interesting, which helps both characters. Whether her feelings for Church are genuine or not, or even existent, isn’t expanded on here. But I do interpret her shooting Caboose as ‘practice’ as her getting revenge for killing him to begin with. Add that to her dying wors to him and... yeah I’m sure she does in her own way.

Finally that brings us to Church himself. Church is ultimately the character who pushes the story along and actually gets the Blues to do something. He’s a snarky asshole, easily frustrated and annoyed. He’s the straight man to Tucker pestering him and Caboose being... Caboose. His death is one of the biggest things to happen in the season and even in death, he pushes things forward. His relationship with Tex, he’s the one who plans her rescue, he’s the one who carries it out, and he’s the one most motivated to get rid of the AI. Lets face it, Church is the most proactive character and the one who ultimately keeps the plot moving forward, It’s why he was my favorite character in the beginning... that and Burnie being the only person I really recognized aside form Joel due to RWBY. Church is definitely who’d I consider the most well-written and relevant character, especially with what happens later and the closest thing that we have to a lead character.

Final Thoughts

Man, I did NOT expect this review ot get so long. I mean it took up 18 pages in my notebook, but still...

Ultimately, I don’t thin that Red vs Blue succeeded due to it’s writing or vocal performances. No, I think what made this work was both luck and being innovative. As I said, machinima existed, but not tot he scale that RT was putting it out. I think them choosing Halo, a popular game that was new at the time, really helped them. It also helped that they had somewhat of a fanbase due to their previous work on the sadly dysfunctional drunkgamers.com.  Which, as the title says, has a bunch of drunkards reviewing games. Think of it as a sort of precursor to Achievement Hunter. They also released a parody video of the then new Apple Switch, as seen here:

Sheesh, and I thought Gus looked young in the recording session video... but my point here is the show was a success for several reasons. They took an obscure media form and did something different with it, took advantage of the open opportunities (Halo’s popularity, their previous fanbase.) They were also very lucky when it came to copyright. Yes even then, when Youtube didn’t exist, they could have gotten into legal trouble for making this show. Fortunately, Microsoft and Bungie liked it and allowed them to continue without paying a fee. How the deal works nowadays IDK, but I’m assuming that things are good since it’s still being made and all.

Season One proved to be a major success. It drew in Halo fans and fans of their previous drunkgamers efforts. Now IDK how things worked in 2003, I was only 10 and had no idea how to use the web was was too young to watch RvB anyways. However they counted views or whatever, it worked. It launched machinima to a more mainstream market and they even got interviewed by CNN and other news groups. Rooster Teeth very quickly became a spearhead in the world of web content, and they’d only grow form here. Season Two was a guarantee, especially with a cliffhanger that would keep viewers interested. But we’ll discuss all of that in the next review.