#reframe events

[enetarch-working-w-adhd]

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria or RSD for short is a common disease associated w ADHD. It was thought to occure due to the amount of negative messages we recieved growing up because of our ADHD attributes.

Examples messages from adult figures included ..

.. sit still

.. stop day dreaming

.. if only your tried harder

.. if you can play this game, you fan do this

.. just do the thing

.. stop getting all emotional

These messages are though to reinforced the belief that asking for help will always be turned down, and worse ridiculed.

Belief or physiological, there is a way to get around RSD, which relies on simple project management risk assessment techniques.

1 .. determine if your project will need others help?

2 .. determine if there is another way to do part if this project?

3 .. determine who has done this before.

Then

1 .. do this for yourself !

2 .. remove anyone who will say NO!

3 .. find people who already want to help you do this.

4 .. find advocates and cheerleaders

5 .. reframe the NO! into an ADHD challenge.

6 .. find a buddy who just sits w you while you do the thing.

There is nothing more motivational than an ADHD Challenge. .. You think i cant do this, watch me! .. Not only will you scale that mountain, but you will find 10 ways to scale the mountian, and write an article on the best way you found to do it.

[vivelareine]

I have rambled about this on Twitter but reading Victor Hugo's poem "Capet, éveille-toi!" (usually printed in English as "King Louis XVIII: An Ode") which was written and published in 1822, and then reading The Bishop in the Presence of an Unknown Light chapter ["I will weep with you over the children of kings, provided that you will weep with me over the children of the people"] from Les Miserables, written decades later, is fascinating in a lot of respects.

But especially in terms of analyzing Hugo's personal political and moralistic development. The chapter reads in some ways as a rebuke against himself, with the Bishop standing in for his decades-older self.

[this-tumbleweed-surecan-fish]

So I listened to Empires the Musical: Ocean Queen Edition like four times and then I decided to rewatch Lizzie's PoV and I forgot how much of the lyrics are full on quotes taken for her episodes

[tachvintlogic]

"It was all a dream" dark fan theories suck

The problem with "it was a dream" or "it was all a simulation" or "main character is in a coma and it was all a dying dream" fan theories is that they have this potentially interesting metanarrative but give you nothing to latch onto to learn about it. What in the story is based on the character's real life and what's completely made up? We have no threads to pull, so it goes nowhere.

Imagining the story as a D&D or roleplaying game, however, is way more interesting because the metanarrative with the players and the DM has a lot more meat to chew on than "it was all a dream."

What moments in the story were a lucky or unlucky roll? Where did the DM have to improvise because the players did something they didn't expect? Which characters have players that are new to the game? Do character relationships parallel player ones? Events in the metanarrative retroactively affect events in the narrative and give us more to work with.

[endearingfascination]

first episode down, i never thought i’d yell “I DIDNT KNOW GAY PEOPLE WERE ALLOWED TO EXIST” before in response to seeing queer mains in quite high up media. the power of representation people

[blanketforcas]

i don't really believe in the concept of laziness EXCEPT when people just freak out about/share false information and expect others to correct them or look for the original context if necessary

[feedingicetothedog]

any suggestion or theory that armand has manipulated louis' memory in any way about anything is so so so boring to me tbh. i thing it's far more interesting if louis has told himself a different story that has superseded 'reality' (however we choose to define that) and only through reciting it does he begin to see the cracks in the narrative he's created

[caifanes]

the ‘real’ de-petrification process…… aka unyassifying all the characters designs

[menalez]

Bro u are obsessed with drama no wonder nobody openly challenges u. U are being insufferable. So what a small minority of ppl don’t think u are a lesbian. Get overrr it.

“no wonder nobody openly challenges u” ma’am i literally get harassed at least once a week for being sexually abused like a decade ago.

[angermgnt]

Anger

Anger, in ADHDrs, arises from a negative event. The event causes our brains to run through a 10,000 node decision tree and tell us that either something is doesn't meet our expectations or something is not fair.

We respond in 5 different ways:

Flight

Fight

Observe & Investigate

Cry

Depression

Provided here is a brief discussion of the concepts listed above and how they affect you. Hopefully, this starts a larger and expanded conversation about how to resolve anger faster.

Expectations

What did you want instead of what you got?

Expectations are a rich ground for which anger or happiness can sprout from. You should never give up on what you expect to happen, it may just be that the way you are going about it won't get you what you want. Therefore, project management is always the best course when managing expectations.

While getting what you want is the end result, how you get there affords many different paths. Some slower than others, so legal, some easy, some hard. But, there are many paths to the goal. No one path is right or wrong, unless you are stepping on someone elses rights.

The first rule in Project Management is .. Manage Expectations .. That means that you and anyone involved in this project needs to communicate what their expectations are, and hammer out how they are all going to be met. Or, if they can even be met. This resolves a lot of anger issues right off the bat.

Fair

Fair is not equal. Fair is not equity. Fair is what works for you to allow you to do the same things that others can do. For example, if you are in a wheel chair, then having a ramp to enter a building that has stairs is fair. There are other examples of fair for executive function, emotional dysregulation, and stimming. Just to name a few other problem areas, but these are internal vs external disabilities. And, it is much easier for the general audience to understand fair based on an external disability.

If someone else is allowed to play baseball in a park, and you are able to play baseball, then why can't you play baseball in the same park? The same goes for any other activity. Voting for example. But, what some people consider equality is that you have your park to play baseball in, and we have ours, and the two shall not cross. Like good and bad neighborhoods. You stay in yours and I'll stay in mine. (I think this is called Segregation.)

Fair happens when everyone has an equal shot at the same spot based on a lot of mitigating factors. It may not seem like it's equal when you don't make the cut, but at the same time, others who where kept out due to mitigating factors who also show promise are let in, get a chance to improve their entire community. This is the impetus of Affirmative Action, and H1B visas, or partnering with overseas corporations to produce American Consumer Products.

Flight

When something doesn't go the way we expect it to or doesn't seem fair, the first response to most situations for NeuroTypcials is to flee the scene and recover. This is a normal and expected response.

You see an angry tiger swatting at people and suddenly you realize that it's coming your way. What are you going to do? Are you trained to wrassle with anger tigers? Because, if not, then you're probably going to run and find shelter until the angry tiger moves on and then come out get to a safer spot.

Fight

ADHDrs come with a built in Challenge Accepted circuit, so most of the times we will engage in a fight for our rights and what's fair. This could be a physical fight or a legal battle or a battle of wills. But, it's that challenge circuit that gets many of us hauled in front of a judge to explain our actions.

Observe and Investigate

Some people when they get angry, use the energy to fuel their curiosity and investigate the reasons why their expectations are not being met. This may result in further actions being taken to resolve the disparities between their expectations and reality. This could be in the form of a letter writing campaign, telling a story, filing a law suite, or taking matters into your own hands.

As always, be careful when being a vigilante. You will find with most Republicans won't be interested in your plight until they have experienced the same trap you fell into and let them complain about their situation to other republicans for sympathy.

The idea here is to repurpose that challenge circuit into an .. I'm going to show you who's right and wrong in this situation .. mode and build a case that enumerates why your expectations are correct in how something should be handled, and how the other guy's expectations / response was not or inappropriate.

Cry

Crying is the physical expression of feeling helpless in a situation while you try to think of a way out of your situation. There is a difference between crying to alleviate emotional stress and using crying to guilt someone into doing something for you.

ADHDrs can handle kaos. ADHDrs can't handle stress.

When the stress becomes too much for our brains / bodies to handle we start to cry. There is nothing wrong with this. Have the cry, let your system reset and begin to move on. It's ok to let others see you cry as well. Nothing to be embarrassed about.

Crying becomes a problem when it's used to manipulate others to get what you want by guilt tripping them into changing their mind. Most of the time, all it does is annoy others who are trying to help you.

Depression

ADHD depress is not like NeuroTypical depression. ADHD depression is caused by a singular negative event that causes a chain reaction or cascade reaction in our brains. A thought storm is created when our brains start looping through all the negative events from our past, the inner monologue becomes negative, and all our thoughts about our self become negative.

While Depression and Anger are part of the 5 Stages of Grief.

Denial

Isolation

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

AHDrs need to reframe the original negative event in order to get out of the depressive state. Or, we need so many happy events that no negative thought has room to create a new negative emotional response and kickstart the whole process over again.

There is nothing wrong with being angry and depressed about a situation that hasn't gone the way you expected or needed it to. Whole drama series are written based on this concept. People make decisions hoping for the best outcome, but instead get the worst outcome and have to work their way out of it. It makes for great theater and entertainment. It's not so good when it's real life.

You were hoping to get into the college of your dreams and it didn't happen. Or, you lost someone special to you, even before you hand a chance to say good by or understood what it meant that you would never see them again.

Sometimes it takes time to process the emotional attachments you had to an expectation.

Resolving Anger

There is a better way. And, either you will find it, or your ADHD associative brain will find it for you.

Remember to take into account all the possibilities of a situation where the answer could be NO! The NO! may be to the specific path you are taking. So, remember there are other paths. They may be longer, harder, and cost more, but they do exist.

Remember that ADHDrs have event driven emotions. One negative event can cause us to spiral into a negative thought storm where our thoughts, inner monologue and memories constantly dredge up all the nasty shit that has failed in our lives. There are two ways out of this .. reframe the original event, or curate so many positive events it leaves no room for the negative events to continue.

Remember to remind yourself that you are no longer in the situation that made you angry the first time. The anger will be triggered over and over again, by similar issues. That current issues, is not the previous issue. Don't let it suck you back into the old issue. Remind yourself that you're not there.

If you don't find a way to resolve your anger, and it's getting in the way of your brains ability to function, your Associate Brain will wrap up all the memories, tie them into a bow, and seal them off from you. It will be as if the entire experience never happened. This is what happens to children who have experienced very traumatic incidents in their lives.

Conclusion

As I wrote this piece I thought of many different ways that ADHDrs could become angry. Suffice it to say, this piece focused on having the expectation of not getting financial aid or some other subsidy vs loosing a loved one, or the many other issues that could cause anger to arise. Each has it's own unique flavor on how is should be handled. But, in looking at these other situations, I the general principle on dealing with anger still holds true. Manage your expectations, have back up plans in place, reframe the issues causing anger, and remind yourself that it won't matter in time.

[trainer-blue]

if i see one more person saying kids deserve to get kidnapped & raped bc they’re israeli im going to lose it i am seriously at my limit do you fucking HEAR yourself

[uzukibeans]

lots of speculation over how round 7 between luka and till will turn out! and its had me thinking about the presence of recurring motifs and how the main ensemble are foils of each other.

i know that many people like to joke about how sua and ivan are genderbends of each other/basically siblings... but in my honest opinion, i think the parallels between the two (similar hair styles and having the more subdued personality of the pairing) are to throw us off about what we know about hyuna and luka lol.

sua and ivan's similarities are to emphasize their situational differences, highlighted by the comic where ivan expressed envy over sua not being in an unrequited love situation (yeah i know that's literally what the definition of a literary foil is, but hear me out LOL). so in that sense i feel that they're not really as similar as it seems?

i personally think that sua has more similarities to luka than she is with ivan, excluding her relationship with mizi. both in terms of their upbringing as being treated like dolls and how their resting face is kind of empty when they're not with mizi/hyuna respectively lol. plus their listless acceptance of the lethal circumstances they exist in

tbh even the childhood dynamic between mizisua and hyuluka (before the hyunwoo thing...of course...) is pretty similar, with mizi/hyuna dragging sua/luka around

i think by emphasizing the similarity between luka and sua, it reframes the events that happened in round 5. while luka probably was purposefully exploiting mizi's grief, it does come to question how much of the cutting shots between the two was mizi seeing sua in luka.

so how does this relate to round 7 between till and luka? there's a lot of speculation that luka will demolish till by pulling the same schtick he did with mizi -- and conversely there's a lot of speculation that vivinos and qmeng will subvert expectations by having till somehow overcome his depression by becoming numb to luka's tricks.

here's a third idea i haven't seen being brought up: luka seeing hyuna in till. i propose this idea because i think we can make some comparisons between till and hyuna. both of them are the most rebellious of the ensemble, both had a tendency to roughhouse as children, and both's choice of music genre is very high-powered with a heavy emphasis on the guitar (i want to say they both have that rock and roll vibe but unfortunately music isn't my forte and i don't want the genreheads to get on my ass LOL).

and now suddenly it feels like the random tidbits we get about luka's interactions with till feels like they're hinting towards something:

[neil-gaiman]

Hello Mr Neil,

I want to share how I feel about Sherryl the supermodel from Good Omens. You've answered a question previously when someone felt that her representation was lacking empathy (re the visual effects note in the script book, although the scene was cut), and I want to offer my thoughts to help people who felt that way about Sherryl.

The book (Good Omens, not the scripts, which I haven't read) plays with dark topics and makes them absurd and fun, aiming the jabs at the systems that (mis)guide or harm people (there are Beliefs, the People who Believe them, and the odd ways of living that make sense to them). Famine's D-Plan sums up the diet industry and a culture of starvation: of course we don't laugh /at/ Sherryl, we understand (because of everything the novel sets up) that like every other human she does her best with the frameworks she's got. It's empathetic, because that's what Good Omens is. Understanding that let me reframe the knee-jerk reaction I had on my first read of the scene in the book.

[For the TV show, though, as you've explained in the past, certain things had to be adapted to the time. I wonder sometimes - because I know that you do these things well - how you felt about approaching Sherryl nearly 30 years later.]

I think the trouble for me was that the scene in the book felt cruel at first. Now, I think 'A skeleton in a Dior dress' beautifully sums up the sacrifice of her humanity to become New York's top model. It's death dressed up - that's how such extremely-ill supermodels *should* appear to us if only we were unblinkered. One should see plainly the actual violence in an emaciated person's appearance. Maybe growing up with early 2000s aggressive body-shaming British TV shows and an overweight mother of Sherryl's generation as well as personal experience of anorexia made the 'skeleton' image feel cruel, now-overdone and recognisable to the nastiest unhealed bits in my psyche.

I think the frightened human animal in me initially recoiled from the dehumanisation. The pit of me jerked at the descriptions of Sherryl that felt like real insults, pulled straight from mainstream body-shaming media of my formative years. Of course, Good Omens predates this - thin was in, religiously, and the scene was subversive then - but that was my initial bodily feeling, not a thoughtful response. I describe it to illustrate where the challenge was, after we've gone from skinny worship in the 90s, to domestic skinny enforcement, to skinny shame, to wherever we are now in the popular orthorexic fitness culture and clean-eating minefield etc etc. Starvation dehumanises, and Sherryl was sick to the point of being inhuman - the scene under a microscope might feel complicit in dehumanisation to the sensibilities of teens and young adults today (for the same reason that people in Trafalgar Square can't see England), but within the book it humanises Sherryl by showing you plainly what awful thing has happened to her.

What the book did for me was let me delight in a sense of humour that makes difficult things totally absurd and therefore perfectly understandable. It told me, everyone is doing their best (to the best of their understanding), and when the fun-poking poked at my own pressure points, it said, lovingly, yes, you too. Many things about the book are like laughing with a friend or receiving a warm hug - it makes the big things so silly, and shared, and okay.

Thanks :) x <3

I am glad that is how you saw her. That is how we saw her. (I'm reminded of the only time I was ever at a high fashion event, where I found myself profoundly shocked by the incredible thinness of the models, and how sorry for them I felt, and how I wanted to feed them soup and stew and sandwiches. And of a high fashion model I knew a little, when she went out with a friend of mine, who told me that some girls she knew used heroin to stop the hunger pains, injecting themselves between their toes, and later I learned that my friend broke up with her when he learned she was a heroin addict.)

[sag-dab-sar]

There is no such thing as a beginner deity.

There is no necessary changes you need to make to your life in order to worship a deity.

There is no psychological preparation that needs to be done.

You don't need to break a habit. Reframe your psyche. Finish medical treatment. Reach a life 'milestone'. in order to worship a deity.

If anything you should approach a deity to help you through these things.

Learning the religion can occur at the same time as worship. They can be parallel events.

You can begin worshipping a deity the day you read this. There is no future point in time where you will somehow be more ready to approach a deity.

You are already ready.

Edit: *excluding closed cultures

[sunshine-zenith]

peri being traumatized by vicky is just making me look back at other things that happened in the original series and tbh it's kinda funny to reframe them as Actual Traumatic Events that still haunt him:

getting kidnapped and adopted by mr crocker. getting kidnapped and adopted by timmy's parents. cosmo dropping him into the grand canyon. how they literally had an entire episode emphasizing how alone peri was and desperately trying to solve it by having some of the adult fairies temporarily turn back into babies so they could play together. that time irep tricked wanda into setting up a playdate for them but the entire thing was just so irep could torment/destroy peri. timmy accidentally eating peri that one time. there's so much to be traumatized from

Audnkdnsksnfj Well when you put it like that

(You know what, Cosmo and Wanda babying Peri lowkey makes sense when you consider the fact that it’s a miracle he lived past infancy)

[bitchesgetriches]

Hypothetically if someone wanted to include their ability to schedule appointments, organize events and transportation, and meal plan and prep for their family on their resume how would they word that

We LOOOOOOVE the "how do I reframe unpaid labor on my resume" question. This is like Bitch bait.

Ok, so this sounds like you are an Organizational Specialist, or a Personal Assistant to a Head of Household, or an Organizational Consultant to a busy professional. List of responsibilities should include event planning, nutritional development, essential transportation, scheduling and booking, and administrative management.

Pick the corporate buzzwords that most fit with the job you're applying for, stare them directly in the eyes, and know that your unpaid labor for your family is VALUABLE WORK EXPERIENCE.

Here's more advice:

How to Frame Volunteering on Your Resume When You’ve Never Had a Job 

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