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inky-snowdrop · 1 year

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'Cause I'm Bored

A Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared One Shot

Pairings: Harry/Robin, Paige the Notebook/Tony the Talking Clock

Rating: T (16+)

(references to sexual content, strong language, canon-typical violence)

Originally Posted on Ao3: May 16th, 2019

Glancing away from his friend, who hadn’t looked over at Robin the entire time he had been talking and instead continued to scan through his phone’s photos, Robin looked at the book he had placed onto the table. It was one of Manny’s favorites and either himself or Harry would read this story to their blue-haired friend before bed even when they were puppets. Sighing gently, Robin got up to place the book next to their laptop, a shiver coursing through him at the suppressed memories of Colin as The Computer singing about God-knows-what.

~~~

“‘Cause I’m bored,” Robin concluded as he placed his book on the table with a sullen thud. He looked at Harry, his mind swimming with the possible answers his red haired friend might give to his proposition. Would he mock him, say that he was just trying to relieve some tension that had been building up since he had taken Harry and Roy’s acting gig? The last was partially true, he had felt a bit cooped up from only seeing Manny, Harry, and the… um... others for almost two years now. It didn’t help that he had been a duck for half of it, thus reducing his already narrow choices to a big zero. Upon returning to his original human form (with, unfortunately, some unwanted side effects, such as his permanently stained green hair), his prospects had begun to widen as all the other cast members returned as well to their non-puppet selves. Granted, Paige, Tony, Colin, Frank, and Larry were definitely different, to say the least, and Robin did his best to avoid them as much as possible, especially the Kitchen Crew and Frank himself. He hadn’t exactly been on the best of terms with the chef since he had turned Robin into a duck dinner.

“That’s a stupid reason.” Harry spoke, his voice as monotone and emotionless as ever. Robin whipped his head around, dropping the book loudly onto the wooden floor as he met Harry’s red and brown tinged eyes. Harry didn’t seem unnerved. “‘Because your bored’ is a stupid reason. That’s like me asking Manny if he wanted to shoot a gun at little kids because ‘It might be fun,’” he continued as he closed his phone and casually smoothed his hair out of his face. Robin froze, his brain slowly processing what his friend had just said. Was that a no? Was it a yes? What the hell did he mean? Harry rose from his chair and went to the door, looking up and down the hallway leading to the stairs before he continued. “Maybe you should ask Larry for favors instead of me. Or Paige. I hear that she’s active at night.”

Robin looked uncomfortably down at the book on the floor, reading the cover over and over again as his brain rooted around for an excuse. “Well.. uh… I think Paige and Tony are.. you know..” Robin thought in vain for a word to describe the former notepad and clock’s relationship. “..together?” Robin laughed as he bent down to grab the dropped book and placed it carefully onto the shelf where Gilbert used to sit as a Globe. “So, you haven’t really answered my question…” Robin turned to see that Harry was gone, his phone left untouched on his chair. An icy feeling filled his blood and panic quickened his breaths. What if it was Frank? What if he snuck up on Harry, snatched him, and turned him into some sort of human pot roast? What he was out there in the hallway right now, chewing on his bones and coughing up his liver? Robin grabbed the shelf to steady himself and closed his golden eyes to try and calm his racing heart.

After a few moments, Robin ran a hand through his green hair and forced his legs to march to the hallway leading to the bedroom. He carefully peered around the corner, left then right, and quickly moved out of the living room. Forcing himself not to run, Robin looked briefly into the kitchen and, after not seeing any sort of form remotely looking like a human, he continued on to the bedroom. Resting a shaking hand on the doorknob, he adjusted his glasses and pushed the door in. A snore echoed into a hallway, freezing Robin in sheer fear that he would see Frank emerge from the kitchen with a cleaver and fork meant to eat… He shut the thought out as he quickly stepped into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him with a satisfying click. “Why hello there, friend!” The voice cut right into Robin, forcing a scream out of his lungs as he lunged for the door handle. A applied force pushed him away from the door and onto the floor as the lights turned on, blinding the golden eyed Robin for a moment. Once his vision returned, Robin stood quickly, stumbling as he ran for the bookshelf on his side of the bedroom. There must be a book heavy enough! I can clomber whoever is in my way!

“Robin?” A sleepy voice interrupted his thoughts. The sound of ruffling sheets prompted the former duck to turn around, a heavy novel clenched tightly in his hands. A relieved sigh escaped his lips as he saw Manny slowly rise from his bed and walk over to envelop him in a hug. “Are you okay? You seem on edge…” A Ha! left Robin’s lips as he picked Manny up and placed him back into his bed swiftly then went to return the novel back onto his book shelf.

“I was just looking for Harry. I thought he might be in here…” Robin stated simply as he cringed at the lameness of his words. Of course Manny would have heard you scream, you idiot! Just tell him what you heard! But Robin knew he couldn’t. He didn’t want to ruin the precious sleep that Manny got when he didn’t have nightmares. Smiling softly, Robin walked quickly over to Manny and ruffled his hair. “I didn’t mean to wake you up. Go back to sleep.”

Manny turned onto his side and mumbled worriedly, “What happens if one of them comes to get me while I sleep?” Robin shhhed him quietly until Manny’s breathing was even and he was asleep, then quickly he stood up, rushed to the door, and yanked it open. Manny’s words repeated in his brain over and over and over as he closed the bedroom door and returned to the living room, glancing briefly back from where he had come to make sure he wasn’t being followed. The fear that the voice had instilled in him was unmistakably Larry’s. He was the only one who would stalk their bedroom like that, which made the possibility of him being in there when he went to sleep all the more real. His breath hitched at the thought and he quickly rounded the corner into the living room, one of the only places in the house that he actually felt safe in.

The red from Harry’s hair was visible from over the top of his chair, to which Robin was grateful and frustrated to see. “Where the hell were you?” Robin stalked over to Harry’s chair and stood directly in front of him as he awaited an answer.

Harry looked up from his phone, then back down as he stated, “I got bored.” The smug tone in his voice was auditable even through its monotone facade.

“That doesn’t even come close to answering that question, jackass.” Robin leaned in closer, expecting for Harry to reiterate his disappearance and apologize profusely for scaring Robin and almost getting him killed in the process of finding him. After all, Robin concluded, they wouldn’t even be human right now if it wasn’t for himself! The least the former mop could do was show some respect for him or maybe some want of him to be there. A faint ticking from the conjoined living room filled the empty space as Harry continued to look through his phone and ignore Robin completely. The former duck ran a hand through his green hair, that was still a bit greasy from not washing it in over a year, and huffed loudly as he straightened to his full height. “You know Harry, you’ve been awfully attached to that phone lately…” With that, Robin ripped Harry”s phone from his grasp and flung it with all of his strength into the hallway, the fragile metal casing shattering upon impact with the wall. A shrill shriek escaped the mangled smart phone that pressed into Robin’s ears with an incredible force, but the former duck couldn’t find it inside of himself to care. His blue eyes had stayed firmly locked on Harry, to make sure he didn’t just suddenly disappear the last time Robin had brought up this topic.

He leaned in close, close enough to know that Harry still smelled like raw chicken even after reverting back to human. Trying not to gag at the smell, Robin stabled himself by putting both of his shaking hands on the armrests of his red haired friend’s chair. “Just for the sake of argument, since I know you like to do that a lot,” Robin began, his voice lowered significantly for his friend only. “Could you explain, in full detail so that I understand what your thought process is, why you do not want to have sex with me? Am I misreading the signs? Did you not know what I was talking about earlier? I don’t know. However, what I DO know is that you are avoiding me and in a house where the only other people to talk to are either asleep or have tried to murder you in the past, you get lonely sometimes!” Robin adjusted his glasses and backed away, bumping into the dining room table in the process, and awaited Harry’s response. As always, his face remained devoid of any emotion though his eyes were squinting as if he was thinking about something deeply. After a minute of waiting for a response, Robin sighed again, his pride hanging in tatters around him, and turned to look out the window. Screw it. It was always difficult do anything in this house other than hunker down and hide, let alone trying to get his technical employer to sleep with him.

A mild shuffling behind him sparked his senses into high alert. Could it be one of them? Could it be Frank? He could be here to eat him! These thoughts clouded his mind and sharpened his fear to a point. Not daring to turn around in fear of what he might see, Robin called in a rasping voice, “...H… Harry? Your still here, right?”

“I’m here.” The emotionless voice of his friend filled him with some ease, but the feeling of being watched still hung over his head annoyingly. The fact that he could see the moon beginning to set in the west also helped Robin calm down. “It’ll be morning soon.” Harry continued slowly as Robin turned to face him, expecting him in his chair, but saw him instead retrieving his phone from the hallway. Seemingly reading Robin’s mind as thoughts of anger grew, Harry continued, “I’ve been using my phone to find out what’s happening in London. So far, nothing except the marriage of Princess Kate and Prince William...” He trailed off, resting the destroyed phone on the dining table. Robin watched as Harry joined him next to the window. Harry seemed to be searching for something in the night sky. “Robin, nobody knows what happened… Not yet anyway.”

Robin felt his stomach drop. Did nobody know what happened to him and Harry and Manny and Paige and Larry and Roy… A realization hit him. “Roy did this to us, right? Of course he would fucking hide it from the press!” Harry only nodded. “There isn’t going to be any justice for us because nobody is coming for us! We’re stuck, WE’RE FUCKING STUCK! I have to get out of here, Harry! I need to! I NEED-” He stopped abruptly and lowered his voice so not to wake Manny. “I don’t think you get how much this house is crushing me. I just want to go home. My REAL home and maybe take a shower. Eat some chicken. I don’t know.” Robin pushed up his glasses and laughed weakly as he turned his attention back outside. “I guess I might be bitching or something, but…”

Harry shook his head slowly, much to Robin’s delight, as he stated simply, “I miss my home too.” Robin felt Harry pull him closer and he wrapped his arms carefully around the former mop’s red sweatshirt and rested his head elegantly against his friend’s shoulder. Harry stayed completely still while rubbing the small of Robin’s back slowly in a reassuring way. Robin chuckled to himself. The warmth of Harry’s chest beat any sort of warmth gained through sex. They swayed together as the moon disappeared behind the horizon completely and the first rays of dawn arose into the sky.

“I was totally betting on that they were going to fuck,” Paige whispered from her spot outside in the hallway as she peered at Harry and Robin in secret.

Tony rolled his eyes and replied with a sneer, “I told they wouldn’t. Not at first and never with a duck.” Paige punched him in his arm, making him wince in pain.

“I set everything up! The timing was perfect! Everything was in place! I don’t understand… What’s with the face?” Paige asked. She crossed her arms and glared at Tony.

Tony grinned toothly and asked, “Would you like to have sex with me?”

Paige looked at Tony with a glint in her eye. “Why, what kind of notebook would I be if I denied such a honest request?” She grabbed Tony by the cuff of his shirt and pulled him back into the kitchen.

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