#remember the night of the snl appearance

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

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[harlowsbby]

request: yn is Jack's personal assistant. She goes everywhere with him, fans ship them, and maybe they have a lil situationship going on.

Disclosure

Being Jack’s personal assistant had its ups and downs, the fans loved you and adored you they even shipped the two of you together but the one thing you hated was that Jack and You actually weren’t together.

Jack and you were what they would say a situation-ship, you’ve both slept with each other multiple times, but Jack was able to run around the streets freely and have any girl he wanted but not you.

You hated the way things were and maybe you should’ve never fell in love with Jack and kept things strictly business, but you feel in love with Jack, and you weren’t sure if there was any turning back.

“Y/N are you coming? SNL starts in a few minutes, and you aren’t even dressed.” You we’re currently in New York for Jack’s appearance and performance on SNL.

“I’m coming Neelam just let me get dressed really quick.” You tossed on a pair of leggings and a sweater you had got back at Old Navy and just paired it with some Ugg's. You never felt the need to be dressed up all of the time especially when you were always hidden in the back not really known just to a few of Jack’s Day one fans. 

You were in the middle of doing your makeup when a knock came from the door it must’ve been Neelam. “I’m coming Neelam give me a minute!” If it was one thing about Neelam, she was going to make sure everyone was on time she hated arriving anywhere late especially on a night like this. 

“It isn’t Neelam.” Hopping down from the bathroom counter you walked out of the bathroom and smiled when you realized it was Jack. 

“Well, well, well look what the cat brought in, are you excited about tonight? I thought you were supposed to have been there already.” 

“I was but I did good in rehearsal, so I didn’t have to be there early why do you care if I’m gone or not? I thought you missed me I guess not.” He sighed dramatically and flopped on your bed, rolling your eyes you finished applying your lip gloss before making your way over towards him. 

“I did miss you and you know I miss you, I just want to make sure you get there on time I am your assistant I can’t afford to have your image being ruined.” You took your job very serious I mean your reputation as well was on the line.

“I’ve told you many times you don’t have to take everything so serious sweet girl.” Your stomach did backflips when he called you sweet girl, it was your favorite nickname by him.

“Well you should know by now I take everything serious.” You looked up at him and saw he was already looking at you well more like your lips, you smirked.

“My eyes aren’t down there Jack.” He blushed when you noticed him starring. “Well I can’t help it I just love how plump and juicy your lips look sweet girl.” You smiled but quickly frowned when you remembered just how many other girls he had called and is calling sweet girl as well.

“Well I think it’s time we get going I don’t want Neelam coming up here.” You got up quickly trying to change the subject you were trying your best to take your mind off of Jack and lose the feelings you had for him but it was harder than what you thought.

“Before we go can I get a kiss my sweet girl.” He grabbed your hips and pulled you against him before pressing his lips against yours. You didn’t kiss back at first and that made him smirk, his hands traveled slowly to your ass before gripping it firmly making you yelp and kissing him back after awhile he pulled away for air.

“Next time don’t play with me baby girl you know I don’t like that shit.” He threatened and you nodded, your legs squeezing together tightly.

“Now let’s go baby.”

On the car ride there you stayed quiet and sat in the back away from everybody, your mind was running with so many thoughts you wanted to express your feeling to Jack and let him know how you truly felt about him but you didn’t want risk things getting awkward.

You closed your eyes and began to doze off but before you did you overheard the conversation between Jack and Urban.

“Did you see what Stassie posted earlier?” Urban asked Jack and went to pull up their good friend Stassie’s instagram page.

“No? What did she post.”

“Dude look at her in this green bikini she looks so damn good.”

“Shit she does look good but I’m trying to see what that bikini looks like off.” Jack joked but you knew deep down inside he wasn’t joking and that’s what hurt you. You so badly wanted to just jump out of the car and run away as fast as you could.

You eventually ended up falling asleep and were woken up by Neelam.

“We’re here everyone else is inside already inside.” You nodded and followed her out of the SUV before going backstage of SNL.

“You must be Jack’s assistant uh what’s your name again?” Rod asked you. “My name is Y/N, who are you?” You gave him a soft smile and he smiled right back.

“I’m Rod I’m the assistant of Kenan Thompson.”

“Kenan has an assistant? Literally since when I thought he did everything himself.” Rod laughed.

“I’ve been his assistant since after Good Burger came out, how long have you been Jack’s assistant I never knew he had one.”

“Just recently I think it’s been about five or six months.”

“How do you like it so far? Anything juicy details that you only know.” The only deep secret you had was that you were sleeping with Jack but obviously Rod couldn’t know that.

“Nope and besides if I did what makes you think I’ll give them up so easily you have to pay me for all my juicy secrets.” The two of you laughed and kept talking about anything and everything, Jack watched from a distance a sour look on his face.

Jack knew you weren’t his so there was really no reason as to why he should be jealous right now but he was, Jack had trust issues and he knew you’d never do him dirty but he wasn’t ready to make things official with you just yet but that didn’t mean he wanted you getting any other male attention.

“Jack are you ready?” You came from behind him with a smile so bright you could’ve made him blind.

“I’m ready baby just a bit nervous is all.” He whispered and began to fiddle with his fingers. You took his hands in yours and brought them up to your lips before placing a kiss on them.

“I promise you’ll do good and that you’ll do amazing out there don’t sweat the small stuff Jack.”

“Thank you baby I appreciate that but I feel like a good luck kiss will help sooth my nerves.” He pouted, giggling you stood up on your tippy toes before placing a quick peck to his lips.

“How was that for good luck?” Amusement dripping off your tongue as you spoke. He crooked his head to the side as if he was thinking. “I mean it was good but I think I need two more kisses you know just for good luck.”

“Hmmm good luck my ass but I’ll gladly give you some more kisses.” Little did Jack and You know that there was a certain someone peaking around the corner of the two of you making sure they got every angle and several pictures of you both.

“Thank you so much SNL for having me tonight! This was such an honor and such a dream to only perform but to be involved in all of the skits! Thank you again and get home safe!!” Jack yelled out to the audience you smiled from backstage.

You were laughing the entire time Jack truly deserved to be where he was at today and even though you were joining the team late you were so happy to be apart of it.

He walked backstage and gave everyone hugs and thanked everyone that was thanking him, before he finally made it to you, standing there with your arms crossed over your chest and a smug look on your face.

“Well I guess you killed it after all huh Mr. Stigma man.”

“I’m assuming that was your favorite skit?”

“Hmmm I think my favorite skit was when you were acting like a waitress seeing you thrusting your hips like that gave me flashbacks.” You whispered in his ear making him go stiff.

“Oh is that so baby? What if I brought all them memories back to life again.” He nippled on your ear making you moan slightly.

“Jack!” The two of you jumped apart, looking up looked down in embarrassment hoping they didn’t see you two.

“Good job tonight we’re all going out to eat to celebrate are you coming?” Kenan came from around the corner, Jack nodded and snapped out of his thoughts. All he wanted to do was take you right then and there but he completely forgot the two of you were backstage.

“Uh sure I’ll be there, can I bring everyone?”

“Actually we usually only invite out the artist.” Jack’s face fell he always wanted to include Urban and everyone in anything special. “Well then I’ll just go back to the hotel with the guys and celebrate there.”

“What?” You looked up at him with your eyebrows furrowed. “You’re going out and celebrating are you crazy we’ll be fine now go.” You shoved him towards Kenana.

“Are you sure bab- I mean Y/N?” Kenan looked up in Jack in curiosity, was he about to call you baby?

“I’m sure Jack go out and have fun we can all celebrate next week in Louisville since you’ll be busy the rest of this week.” He was a bit hesitant at first but he went anyways he gave you a quick side hug before leaving with Kenan.

“So what do we do now?” Urban came from behind you. “You wanna try out that hot dog stand down the street? I heard they have the best hot dogs in New York.” “When it comes to food you know I’m always down.”

That’s exactly what Urban and You after you both ordered your hot dogs and a drink you stood outside the shop and ate in peace, but your peace didn’t last long when you were spotted by a few fans.

“Omg Urban and Y/N! We’re like your biggest fans can we please get a picture and we won’t bother you again.” One of the girls who had red hair asked, you smiled and nodded and tossed the rest of your hot dog in the trash.

“Bother us? You guys could never bother us we love talking and meeting you all.”

“What Y/N said I love my fans, what are you guys doing up so late? Don’t you got college or something.” Urban asked making them all giggle.

“We don’t have college today well later on this morning, we just watched Jack’s SNL performance, we totally thought you’d be in it Urban.” You smiled and stepped back at bit letting Urban talk to the fans, pulling out your phone you opening Instagram seeing that Jack had posted something on his story.

You frowned the minute you clicked on it, there he was at some club with the rest of the cast of SNL you skipped over to the next story and saw that it was a story from Drama’s Instagram and Jack had reposted it on his page, there Jack sat with some random girl in his lap.

“What’s wrong Y/N.” You mentally cursed you completely forgot it wasn’t just Urban and You.

“Oh it’s nothing I just saw a really sad cat video or something.” You lied. “You don’t even like cats what are you talking about?” You elbowed Urban in the chest making him double over and groan.

“Is it about Jack?” The blond haired fan ask and her question honestly caught you off guard.

“Wha- what are you talking about?” Her and the red haired girl looked at each other before looking back at you.

“We kinda figured the two of you had something going on I mean we see the way he looks at you at events he’s at or the way he holds your hand whenever the two of you are in a crowded area.”

“Well anybody can hold someone’s hand in a crowded area and it doesn’t mean anything.” You tried to defend yourself but they weren’t born yesterday. “I mean they can but not the way Jack does he does it in a protective manner as if he’s your boyfriend.”

You didn’t want to keep lying to them so you just decided to come clean.

“Well me and Jack aren’t exactly dating it’s complicated.” You sighed and they both gave you side smiles. “Well whatever it is that’s holding him back I hope he gets his ass together because you’re the only girl we’d want him to be with.”

You instantly started tearing up. “Thank you so much girls but Urban and I have to get going tomorrow Jack will be on the breakfast club so don’t miss it.” “Oh we definitely won’t but hopefully we’ll see you around soon!”

You waved at them before turning your attention back on Urban who had now finally recovered.

“The next time you want to correct me for being wrong please don’t elbow me in the stomach I think my hot dog is coming back up.” He groaned.

“I’m sorry Urban how about we go back to the hotel and drink some hot chocolate or something, how does that sound?” His mood instantly picked up. “That sounds wonderful.”

On the way back to the hotel your mind couldn’t help up to wonder back to Jack, he gave you feelings so many feelings some of them just too hard to explain. You knew you deserved better you deserved to be in an actual relationship not someone’s booty call or temporary girlfriend when it was beneficial for them.

You just wanted him to be yours and for you to be his but that felt like the biggest joke of the year.

The next day

“Good morning everyone my name is Charlemagne the God.”

“And I’m Dj Envy”

“And I’m Angela Yee and you’re watching The Breakfast Club.”

You were exhausted everyone was you were honestly surprised you were able to get Jack up and at the radio show on time.

Last night when Jack came home it was around 3am in the morning he had stumbled into your shared hotel room drunk and all.

“Jack? Are you drunk.” You groaned and flipped to your side before turning on the lamp next to you.

“Baby, babe that’s my girl!!” He yelled his curls going in every and any direction he was reeking of alcohol.

“Jack I think you need a shower come on.” You got out of bed and tried your best to pull him into the bathroom but he was flapping his arms around and he was 6’3 man and bigger than you.

You huffed when you finally made it into the bathroom. He sat on the toilet and watched how you turned on the water and checked it making sure it wasn’t too hot or too cold, he might’ve been out of it but he always admired you.

“Y/N.” He slurred. “Yes Jack.”

“I love you.” You froze he’s said he loves you several other times but this time it felt different there was something different but he was drunk and there was no way he meant this.

“Jack.” You sighed. “You’re drink come on let’s get you in the shower you have The Breakfast Club in the morning.”

“I’m being serious baby I love you.” He grabbed your hips and pulled you in-front of him. You stood in between his legs. “Jack let’s just shower please.” You whispered he gave you sad eyes but took off his shirt and you stood back while he took everything else off.

You helped him wash up once he was in while you were cleaning his neck you noticed a purple and green mark on his neck.

“Jack what’s this on your neck?”

“What’s what? Baby I don’t have anything on my neck.” You knew exactly what was on his neck but you weren’t going to press the issue because well he wasn’t your man.

You felt yourself coming to tears when you remembered what happened last night and tried your best to shake it off, now wasn’t the time to be crying. You weren’t even sure why you were crying he wasn’t yours but he somehow always made it seem like you’d be his.

“So Jack what’s going on with you! How’s this year treated you.” Charlemagne asked Jack.

“This years been good I just wrapped up my world tour, filmed my first movie which is honestly crazy never thought I’d be in one.” He laughed.

“How was filming White men can’t jump? Did you receive any hate for redoing a classic?” Angela asked him.

“I mean of course you know everyone was staying we shouldn’t redo a classic but everyone will love it trust me it’s good, and filming was amazing I can’t wait for everyone to see it.”

“You we’re on SNL last night too, how was that?”

“That was amazing it was a dream come true had my family and friends there from back home so that’s what made it even more special.” After awhile they kept on talking about anything and everything before Angela brought something up.

“So last night after SNL I don’t know if you know but paparazzi caught pictures of you and I believe to be your assistant kissing.” Angela brought out the pictures and showed Jack.

You felt as if you were having a heart attack your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest.

“Are you dating your assistant is what everyone wants to know? I mean if not let me date her she’s real fine.” Envy joked but Jack wasn’t feeling his joke but at the same time he had to keep it cool.

“No I’m not dating my assistant come on man, she was fixing my tie I had on.”

“Are you lying Jack? I mean if you’re dating your assistant that’s okay just clear up them rumors.”

“No I’m not dating my assistant she’s my assistant we’ve never done anything together it’s strictly business that’s it and that’s all, besides you know I’d never date someone on that type of status.” Everyone in the room ooo’d.

“Wait wait what do you mean by that?” Charlemagne asked Jack.

“Are you okay Y/N?” Urban asked you, he noticed how your foot started bouncing and you had tears threatening to fall.

“I mean you know she isn’t exactly on my type of level of women I’d date I want someone like Stassie or like Ari Fletcher. I want a women that’s going to actually put effort in how she looks not someone who’s going to throw on an old hoodie that hasn’t been washed for about three days.” Everyone laughed they were all laughing at you and agreeing to what Jack was saying.

“So basically your assistant doesn’t take care of herself?”

“I mean she does but it can be better.” They all laughed again, looking at Urban you began to cry you couldn’t hold it in anymore. He brought you into his chest.

“Come on Y/N let’s go let’s get out of here.” He helped stand you up and let you lean on him, as you were walking out Jack noticed the two of you leaving he was going to say something but when he noticed the tears rolling down your cheeks and the pained expression on your face he knew he just messed everything up. He was trying to protect you but he ended up hurting you.

tags

@nattinatalia @moody4world @heavyhitterheaux

@mortirolo @jackharloww @softtcurse

@awhore4moree @hoodharlow @babyharleezy

@jackmans-poison @lcandothisallday

@a-moment-captured @babiefries

[daniigh0ul]

welcome to chapter 3 !!! i stole AFI's love like winter for this post. i alsot should acknowledge that 'fruit bats' is a real band with a very different vibe from the fictional fruit batz lol :) if there are any typos, no there aren't.

prev || next

transcript includes the wiki bio ! wiki psd can be found here

transcript:

Tati arrives around 4PM at the Copperdale library to meet Diego.

TATI: Hi. DIEGO: Hey. A short but awkward silence follows. TATI: So...what do you know about vampires? DIEGO: Not much...but I do know where a lot of them live. Have you heard of Forgotten Hollow? TATI: Yeah! Have you heard of Fruit Batz? They're my favorite band! My boyfriend doesn't like them--more of a BMTH fan. But, anyway! Their frontman Caleb Vatore is from there. DIEGO: Oh yeah, Fruit Batz! I love their second album 'bloodsuckerz'. Too bad Caleb quit after that. TATI: Oh my god yeah. He's basically a recluse now from what I've heard. DIEGO: The only thing I remember about him was that he was like, an out-vampire? Like he didn't hide that he was drinking plasma. TATI: Yeah! He was so punk rock for that. My favorite song was 'Love Like Winter'. Have you heard it? DIEGO: No. TATI: I have to show you it. One sec. [gif of caleb and his band mates performing Love Like Winter (a real song)] it's in the blood, it's in the blood i met my love before i was born he wanted my love, i taste of blood he bit my lip, and drank my war DIEGO (laughing): That hair sure was a moment. TATI: I'm sure you've had a few questionable hair choices. DIEGO: What? This beautiful shag? Never! TATI: OK you have to see his hair at the end of his career (furiously googling) DIEGO: OK, I know about their manager Miss Hell and the messy break up--who is 'Vladius Strod' and why is he mentioned!? TATI: Huh. I think this is new. Vladislaus Straud IV...

cw: implication of murder/violence

vlad's wiki bio

Count Vladislaus "Vlad" Straud IV (birthdate unknown), renowned musician and entrepreneur is the descendant of Count Vladislaus Straud I. His ancestor immigrated with a settling party and founded what became Forgotten Hollow. It remains a mystery what happened of the settlers, though there are many contested theories. Vlad is known for his charitable donations toward the Forgotten Hollow Symphony and his inheritance of his father's company Vladislaus Hardware.

Vlad was a notable organist on SNL in the 1980s. However, after an incident on Sims Night Live, he walked off set and never returned. It is unknown what triggered the incident nor is it known what happened to Miss Hell, that night's host, whom mysteriously disappeared for two weeks afterward.

His most recent public appearance was in a rare interview with The Copperdale Times in 2010. It was much discussed in online forums and Social Bunny, but he has not made an appearance since then. When asked about the SNL incident, or his relationship with former Fruit Batz band member Caleb Vatore, he laughed it off.

Notably, Vatore and Straud had a duel (as is vampiric custom) at sunset. Straud won, and now the Vatores hold a grudge against him. There is much speculation that the reason for this duel has to do with their differing beliefs about feeding on Sims.

Vlad is a well-known advocate for vampirism and is an out and about vampire. He believes it is the right of the vampire to feed on Sims as it is the right of the Sim to eat meat. When asked to clarify his position on consent of the Sim, he scoffed.

In the 1990s, Vlad was detained and arrested on suspicion of murder. A young man's body was found in the alley dumpster behind the well-known gay bar Martini. The young man had two bite marks on his thigh. It made international news when Vlad was acquitted of all charges.

DIEGO: There's been FOUR of them? I thought vampires were immortal... TATI: Hm. Do you think we should send Vlad an e-mail? Maybe an interview with him would be good for research? DIEGO: Yeah. I'll ask Mr. Flowers about it tomorrow. What better way to learn about a culture than from someone apart of it. TATI: Oh shoot. It's almost 7. My turn to make dinner. Gotta go! Let me know what Mr. Flowers say! DIEGO: Yeah! See ya! DIEGO (softly): Shit. Tati is out of earshot and on her way to her rusty truck and does not hear this.

[chrisodonline]

I have been thinking about the show and you guys a lot more, not just because we're approaching the anniversary of the end but because...it seems like LA ties keep popping up everywhere!

I know I haven't been active, but I do like coming back to see you guys on my dash even if I have no idea what you're posting about because I'm not part of those fandoms. I've been debating on coming back more -- or going back to that LOL, Z blog I started just to make sure I keep writing and staying in touch. So, we'll see.

Work has been crazy, and I just took the first actual day(s) off in a good while. I had some rough losses near the end of last year, and then huge project after huge project has meant not just working without days off but also working on my days off. Finally actually took a couple days off and did nothing. And I actually got a good amount of writing done, so now I don't want to go back. (I find I actually do get going a lot quicker if I start by hand, but my joints cramp up soooo quickly. It's always been annoying. ANYWAY.)

What finally prompted this was I was watching last night's SNL, and NCIS:LA got a mention, despite being off the air. (There was a joke about character actors and appearing on arcs on shows with titles that are only letters. There were four spots, and LA was the fourth. IT IS STILL REMEMBERED! But holy crap, how about that Hawai'i turn? Wow. Anyway.)

In the past year, small things have made me think about LA:

-Waking up to an old episode from a syndicated outdoors show (I sleep with the TV on, don't judge me) that featured Gerald McRaney talking about his acting career -- filmed years ago -- and doing outdoors stuff -Spotting Medalion in a small spot on New Girl -Being addicted to Disney Dreamlight Valley when I was redirecting my impulse shopping addiction into cozy gaming (that was basically ADHD-crack because of all the tasks you just have to complete!). How is this relevant? Because the only fish I could seem to catch most of the time? COD! -Todd popping up in new commercials all the time -Getting into Elsbeth and watching CBS shows on Paramount and hearing the little logo music after or before a show and remembering watching LA on the platform a lot towards the end

And I know there are many more, but age + too may back-to-back storms and natural disasters have made my memory even wonkier. (We currently have a joke about our "weekly tornadoes" here. It's funny because it's not completely a joke. Lololol.)

Anyway, I won't lie to say there wasn't some freedom and relief that came with the show's ending. But there are definitely parts of it I miss like you guys.

[foryouwereinmysong]

Do you think John and Paul ever saw each other again after ‘76? Or even talked on the phone? I know Paul says they did but every so often doubt creeps in and I start wondering if Paul isn’t just making up stories to convince himself that they were still friends. Your thoughts?

Thank you for the ask! It made me look back at John's last interviews and some of Paul's earliest after the murder. I don't think Paul made up the phone calls, because he has been consistent in talking about them since the early 80s. In his interviews shortly after John's death he talks about it quite detailed and I don't think he would make something like this up. For other speculations about their last meeting I found this great blogspot post: https://mccartnet.blogspot.com/2012/04/when-was-lennon-and-mccartneys-last.html

What I do wonder is, if they maybe saw each other for the last time in 1978. John mentions in 1980 he thinks that the "turning Paul away incident" was like 2 years ago and Geoffrey Giuliano claims that John, Yoko, Paul and Linda went to see the movie "Pretty Baby" together, which was released in April 1978. (The lost Lennon diaries) - but people say he's not a reliable source... But maybe John didn't turn Paul away the day after the SNL evening (24th of April 1976), but after the movie night? But then again Sean was already a toddler in 1978...

WELL if somebody did more research on this, I would love to know, but I'll end it here, because I think in the end there won't be a really satisfying answer. And maybe the important part is that the love they had for each other never went away either way.

(Newsweek, 1982, by Jim Miller)  Q: "Did you see much of him before he died?"

PAUL: "I saw him quite a bit. Always, the problem was talking business. Whenever we got into business, we got into an argument. It wasn't a pleasant framework for a relationship. When Sean (John and Yoko's son) was first born, I visited him a few times at the Dakota (Lennon's apartment house in New York). And then it had gone snotty. I used to turn up without calling him. One time, he got annoyed with me. He said, 'Well, look, man... Why do you just keep turning up here and surprise us? Why don't you just call first?' And I took that the wrong way. After that, I don't think I did see him. I phoned a few times. As long as we were talking about family, about life, it was good. The last time I spoke to him, I got off the phone and it felt like old friends again. I've talked to Yoko since then, and she's said to me, 'You know, he really was quite fond of you.' I think we were pretty close. But, sometimes, with brothers, you argue. They can be the most intense arguments, too."

(Playboy, 1984, by Joan Goodman) PLAYBOY: "Do you remember your last conversation with John?"

PAUL: "Yes. That is a nice thing, a consoling factor for me, because I do feel it was sad that we never actually sat down and straightened our differences out. But fortunately for me, the last phone conversation I ever had with him was really great, and we didn't have any kind of blowup. It could have easily been one of the other phone calls, when we blew up at each other and slammed the phone down."

PLAYBOY: "Do you remember what you talked about?"

PAUL: "It was just a very happy conversation about his family, my family. Enjoying his life very much; Sean was a very big part of it. And thinking about getting on with his career. I remember he said, 'Oh, God, I'm like Aunt Mimi, padding round here in me dressing gown' ...robe, as he called it, cuz he was picking up the American vernacular... 'feeding the cats in me robe and cooking and putting a cup of tea on. This housewife wants a career!' It was that time for him. He was about to launch Double Fantasy."

(Playboy, September 1980, by David Sheff) PLAYBOY: "Aside from the millions you've been offered for a reunion concert, how did you feel about producer Lorne Michaels' generous offer of $3200 for appearing together on 'Saturday Night Live' a few years ago?"

LENNON: "Oh, yeah. Paul and I were together watching that show. He was visiting us at our place in the Dakota. We were watching it and almost went down to the studio, just as a gag. We nearly got into a cab, but we were actually too tired."

PLAYBOY: "How did you and Paul happen to be watching TV together?"

LENNON: "That was a period when Paul just kept turning up at our door with a guitar. I would let him in, but finally I said to him, 'Please call before you come over. It's not 1956 and turning up at the door isn't the same anymore. You know, just give me a ring.' He was upset by that, but I didn't mean it badly. I just meant that I was taking care of a baby all day and some guy turns up at the door... But, anyway, back on that night, he and Linda walked in and he and I were just sitting there, watching the show, and we went, 'Ha-ha, wouldn't it be funny if we went down?' but we didn't."

PLAYBOY: "Was that the last time you saw Paul?"

LENNON: "Yes, but I didn't mean it like that." (Newsweek, 29th of September 1980, by Barbara Graustark) Q: "Paul McCartney's theory is that you became a recluse because you'd done everything - but be yourself."

JOHN: "What the hell does that mean? Paul didn't know what I was doing - he was as curious as everyone else. It's ten years since I really communicated with him. I know as much about him as he does about me, which is zilch. About two years ago, he turned up at the door. I said, 'Look, do you mind ringin' first? I've just had a hard day with the baby. I'm worn out and you're walkin' in with a damn guitar!"

[xoruffitup]

A Reylo Retrospective (or: The Friends We Made Along the Way?)

After a New York City SNL weekend, I typically write a flaily recap of the incredible show experience on my way home. (See my unabashedly joyous recap posts from Adam’s 2018 and 2020 shows. :)) My friends and I sadly did not make it into the show this time, so I decided to write a recap post of a different kind. This is a retrospective of my years in Reylo/Adam fandom so far, and why they’ve been the best years of my life.

In December 2017, I saw TLJ in theaters for the first time. Like many of you reading this, my life was irrevocably changed in the span of those hours. We all remember the moment when we felt it happen. Maybe it was when Kylo took off his helmet in front of Snoke and bared those wounded eyes. Maybe it was the moment when all sound cut out and the first force bond opened. Maybe it was the moment Kylo appeared shirtless - hot and broad and so so vulnerable. Maybe (as it was for me) it was the moment when he and Rey locked eyes in the throne room, then turned back to back in a slow motion, world-tilting moment that changed everything. Without fail, this is always one of my favorite things to talk about with Reylo friends both new and old. Recalling the moment. That lightning strike of realization that you were seeing something that would indelibly change who you are.

It’s impossible to describe the experience to people who didn’t share in this particular epiphany. But whenever I attempt to do so, I usually phrase it something like this: When I say TLJ changed my life, I don’t just mean the movie itself. I mean that moment was a gateway. It connected me to a community, friendships, and experiences that would beautify and enrich my life in ways I could never have expected.

In June of 2018, I made a hare-brained trip to the Nantucket Film Festival, where Adam would be speaking on a panel with Noah. The event was small, located in a humble school auditorium. I sat in one of the first rows, mere seats away from Greta and Joanne. Adam came onto the stage, and he was everything and nothing I expected. Larger than life. Impossibly small compared to the explosive impact of his presence. An unassuming, compelling, inexplicable force that made my heart race and my stomach swoop. The impact of his presence is something I still can’t describe. This riveting, authentic persona; this irresistible gravity in the way he carries himself; the way he seems to hunch into a body that nonetheless strains the seams of the world around him. I couldn’t take my eyes off him the entire time, and my heart never calmed down. To this day, it still hasn’t. 

Then came September of 2018: Adam’s second SNL appearance and what would be my first time attempting to go to the show. In the week leading up to the show, the undertaking truly gave the impression of insanity. I took an overnight bus to NYC on a Thursday night, and upon my arrival at 5 AM I went straight to join the Standby Line with my humongous backpack and all my things in tow. It was still dark, raining, and I truly contemplated my own sanity as I dug trash bags out from my backpack and bagged all my things in effort to keep everything dry. Then the sun rose, the rain petered out, the one internet friend I’d planned to meet there joined me in line, and as the Friday hours flew by, solidarity and excitement warmed the steadily-growing line. 

When I think back to those ~24 hours of mania, I remember spontaneous pizza parties with new line friends; I remember spirited conversations in the midnight hours about Adam’s filmography and all our respective moments of epiphany that led to us being there - on a NYC street at midnight for a mere chance of watching our collective fave on SNL. I remember random Reylos watching our updates on twitter and sending us food, snacks, and Starbucks in line. (Literally never forget the bike delivery guy who, with a befuddled expression, announced he had a pizza delivery for “….the Reylos in the SNL line???”) I remember the camaraderie, the utter silliness, the crafting of homemade signs so the hundreds of passers-by would stop asking what we were there for. (Ours said ‘What: Saturday Night Live. Why: Kylo Ren.”) I remember the hours flying by, and the utter euphoria of it all - enough to keep us (mostly) warm in even the smallest hours of Saturday morning.

In the show’s Dress Rehearsal the next evening, I sat with three girls I’d never met before that weekend. They’re still three of my best friends to this day. We exchanged numbers after the show that evening and started a group chat (“Designated Adam Drivers,” obviously). In the five years since, every single day that group chat lit up my phone meant it would be a good day. In the years since then, we’ve shared countless experiences that would never have even knocked on my door of possibility, were it not for this miraculous thing called the Reylo/Adam gateway - that spark of recognition and understanding that turned us from strangers to soulmates. 

Since then, we’ve shared almost an embarrassment of riches in terms of experiences together: Four in-person (one virtual) AITAF shows, five Burn This performances/stage doors, the profound highs and lows of the TROS London premiere, Adam’s January 2020 SNL show, Steven Colbert and Seth Meyers appearances, and an array of film festival premieres. (TIFF 2019 for Marriage Story and The Report; Cannes 2021 for Annette; Venice 2022 for White Noise.) Not to mention that last year I went to visit one of those 2018 SNL besties in Australia (along with the other Aussie bestie I met in the 2020 SNL line). 

I realize the above list reflects privilege in terms of my opportunities and work flexibility to travel, and that someone could read the above and think I need to chill the fuck out. But I wrote out that list in attempt to convey the broadening of horizons, the ageless delight, and inexhaustible joy that such a shared passion brings into one’s life. It’s a bright beacon of the kind of excitement most people leave behind in childhood. It’s a reminder of the intangible sources of wonder and inspiration that come from within. It brings together people of disparate ages, backgrounds, and nationalities with a kind of innocent enthusiasm it often feels this world needs so much more of.

Of course, one could always argue this common binding spark is the foundation of fandom culture in general. But I’ve cycled through my fair share of other fandoms pre-Reylo/Adam, and nothing has ever compared to these wondrous heights. And going on six years since my personal TLJ moment, I still feel the conviction in my very toes that nothing else ever will.

In parallel to my real-life adventure squad, these last few years have also seen the cultivation of friendships with other Reylos and fic authors online. Never underestimate the power of a single AO3 comment or twitter DM to spark profound connection. What started as a group of online friends quickly transcended the bounds of cyber space. My “pocket friends” don’t just live in my phone; they’re the people I look forward to telling about my day, the ones I lean on in tough times, the ones whose support and love I know to be constant, no matter physical distance or timezones. They’ve become the indefatigable group of girlfriends my teenaged self might have dreamed up to feature in my adult life. And even as some of us may move on from Reylo/Star Wars, its ties are timeless and unbreakable. We are more than a group of people who cohabitated the same particular corner of the internet for a time. No, we’re kindred spirits who recognized in each other the same values, the same challenges and struggles, the same fears and anxieties, the same hopes and joys. We recognized and nurtured in each other that rare, safe space for our true selves. We were drawn together by this silly, fantastic shared obsession, and together built something real and true that grew well beyond it. 

So why am I writing this terribly sappy and self-indulgent post, you wonder? Well, I suppose my motivation came from the bittersweet experience of this weekend. I suppose it came from the conflicted emotional response I had to not making SNL this time. It came from the moment I realized that while the disappointment felt crushing, I will nonetheless cherish this SNL weekend right alongside the others. 

And why should that mean anything to you, dear reader? Why should you care about my sentimentality? Perhaps because - even if we’ve never spoken either in person or online - we each shared the moment, at one point or another. The moment that led us here - to me writing, you reading, to us sharing this particular little corner of the world. Perhaps because the highs and lows I experienced this weekend are not unlike the wins and losses we all share in this fandom space. The point of this post is not to wallow in temporary disappointment, but to celebrate how far we’ve come in this shared journey. The point is to cut through the haze and the frustration, the scandal and the hurt, to recall the purity of that shared emotion that first called us here. The point is to dedicate a moment of reflection for the love and enthusiasm that guided and shaped all this in the first place. 

To many, Reylo is divisive, even maligned. Nothing we say or do can ever change their warped view. We can, however, know in our heart of hearts that we share something unique and powerful. We can support and love each other; we can see the best in each other. We can fill our shared corner of the world with that magic we each discovered when we stepped through that gateway for the very first time.

[greensparty]

Remembering David Sanborn 1945-2024

Saxophonist David Sanborn has died at 78. In addition to his own solo music, he collaborated with loads of musicians including James Taylor (that's him on "How Sweet It Is (to be Loved by You)"), Stevie Wonder, Todd Rundgren, David Bowie (that's his epic sax on "Young Americans"), Bruce Springsteen (he played on "Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out"), The Rolling Stones, and Mick Jagger among many others. I remember seeing him sit in with the band on Late Night with David Letterman and 70's SNL episodes too.

In addition to his numerous movie soundtrack contributions, he appeared in some films as a musician too, like as a street musician in Scrooged. He also hosted the late night music show Night Music with Jools Holland from 1988-1990.

The link above is the obit from Hollywood Reporter.

[an-aura-about-you]

let's see if I can fit in a chapter of Handbook for Mortals before work

Chapter 9:

when we last left our hero, Scheherazade had just assaulted a teenage girl at the mall. I'm not joking. also I end up being better at cartomancy than either Zade or the author without trying all that hard.

moving on now to Chapter 9: Temperance

-this entire chapter is a 10 page long italics scene. which means the author, who chose to write this book in the first person, spends an entire chapter where she couldn't keep that up.

-it's all the guys at work. that's our setup, but the author feels the need to go through the entire roll call.

-remember that birthday party a few chapters ago? the guy who had the birthday, Drew, is finally a character. and he's basically here for the other guys to pick on because he's not as handsome or talented. geez.

-we also get some Sofia bashing because she's complained that her mic is shocking her. considering the traumatic experience she went through that was connected to a technical malfunction, I don't blame her in the slightest. even if it was just her imagination and the mic is fine, I'm so pissed off that they're not taking her concerns seriously.

-one of the ways they dismiss this is by saying Sofia probably just wants some attention. I'm sorry, but that really pisses me off nowadays. if a person wants attention, it might be a good idea to figure out why that is. given that no one, and I mean no one, not even her boyfriend, has validated her trauma from her accident that, might I remind you, involved her falling from 50 feet up AND drowning in a pool, I'd say yeah, she NEEDS some proper attention.

-the whole reason this chapter is in full italics is so Zade can walk by and all the boys can stare at her. I'm not kidding. look at this:

Zade walked by on her way to the main stage, moving too quickly to notice the group of men who had all stopped to stare at her.

and

"God, that girl is beautiful! It's beyond that, there is something unique and special about her."

this chapter is the most blatant evidence of everyone's critiques on Zade as a character. this chapter, as far as I can tell, only exists for us to see the other characters talk about how amazing Zade is. this isn't a story, it's a script for Zade's wingman.

-Mac's thoughts reveal that he and Zade are pseudo-sneaking around. they're seeing each other but not calling it dating and have an unspoken agreement not to tell their coworkers.

-ok so I was gonna go up to bat for Drew but the first sentence out of his mouth after wondering aloud if Zade is single is a blanket statement about how girls always gush when they're into a guy.

-throwing a red flag up for Mac for use of the word "females" when talking about dating.

-ok so Drew may suck a little but you guys need to stop bullying him. I don't know if he's my kind of charming, but y'all are assholes for calling him charmless.

-"It's not game just 'cause women actually like me." holy shit Cam that's an asshole move.

-"She's the kind you want to marry, not just use to get laid." really, Jackson? the way everyone talks about commitment in this book is giving me hives.

-time for another round of When Is This Story Set? Mac shuts down a non-joke with a reference to the Matt Foley character from Saturday Night Live played by the late Chris Farley. the last time this character appeared on SNL was 1997, which means any timeliness about the joke probably ended at around the turn of the millennium.

-Jackson needling Mac is a nice change of pace, but I'm taking points off for seriously using the phrase "all's fair in love and war" twice on the same damn page.

-also Jackson knows and owns the fact that he's pretty. I can get behind that.

-then after this Mac and Tad take a dinner break to talk about Zade because it's not like there's anything else we could be doing.

-so Mac and Zade had this unspoken agreement not to blab to coworkers and Mac breaks it to spill the beans to Tad in the very same chapter he says they have it?

-the last page of the chapter switches gears back to bashing Sofia, and Tad and Mac talk about how she should be more grateful to Zade for saving her life. Tad straight up says that would require her acting like a human being for once, and I'm over here like, "maybe she'd act like a human being if someone in this goddamn theater TREATED her like one!!!!!"

so now we've had two chapters in a row with attacks on women who have dared to badmouth Zade: a physical assault at the end of chapter 8 and this badmouthing Sofia behind her back at the end of chapter 9. what a bitter fucking book. it's like the literary version of Zade's need to get the last word in.

[bigsleeps]

podcast notes

it is always so jarring to hear people call him "matt healy" and not "matty healy"

"i could live here" (about LA) "it's so optimistic and yet so bleak" "it's a really intense place; when i'm in new york for example, i don't feel this emotional tension push and pull. whereas in los angeles ive always felt a real kind of dissonance between how I feel and what the environment is like."

"i'm here because i'm working. i'm really lucky that so many people want me involved with their records [...] i've got SNL next week. i'm really trying to embrace being on the road. i've been on the road for 10 years, and i think it happened when we were so young and you can't really take it at face value and i just got in this way of touring. i've always ... just like a human, i wanted everything. i wanted a bit of a domestic life, i wanted a long term comfortable relationship, i wanted the touring business to be really good, i wanted our records to be successful. a decision for something is always a decision for something else."

this is an actual conversation between him + bret!! like you can tell matty is rly interested in what he has to say and it's like a proper back and forth!

"i remember getting into your work, for me, was the same as getting into velvet underground [...] the first time i'd seen a book that was cool was less than zero. i was a teenager, not able to put this book down. i didn't get that. i wanted to read that! and then bret easton ellis, those words were kind of naughty, i knew there was something in that that was subversive or irreverent or i wasn't supposed to be looking at and that was magical to me. [...] sure i'd heard of clockwork orange, things that felt quite similar to something punk, or something like that"

"there's an element of buying into the whole world we build [...] it's why we won't have a number one single, but we'll sell out like three nights at the garden. there's a completely different emotional exchange that's going on."

"i remember being struck in a similar way [about the stranger by camus]. there was something about the way that character operates, there's this deep existential dread that materializes in what feels like quite superficial stuff."

"did you feel any trepidation about appearing on podcasts? [...] what are your feelings about the interview?" “The longform context of podcasts allows you to have context, so you can say This is how I really, really feel. Give me a minute, give me some space. Doesn’t really work on Tiktok or Twitter, because they want the moment, or the condensed version of what you’ve said. There’s a couple of ways I think about this, because obviously this is presented to me as … this kind of desire to be authentic, and also just do what I love, but also be on a platform where certain things are expected of me. It’s difficult, because coming from punk — and when I say punk, I’m coming from middle class in the UK, my parents when I was growing up were like jobbing actors, not massively successful. Not hands to mouth, kind of a normal middle class upbringing just my parents were actors. So there’s that aspect of my life. And I always grew up around fame. I saw where some of the values were, where the benefits were. I saw where the trappings were. I wasn't interested in fame, I knew that. Because I started in like, punk bands and stuff like that — I think if you come from where we come from, you're taught in an alternative scene, if you're into records, into books, you should kind of relish transgression and be suspicious of conformity. So that's what I thought were the tenets of being young. Like, this is my opportunity now to be transgressive by proxy. Because I'm young, and I'm going to challenge the status quo and not do what grown ups are doing. That's just what I thought being a teenager was. That's kind of changed a bit now, it feels like conformity and all things that like, punk used to define have departed all left leaning spaces. what are regarded as left leaning spaces now are very very anodyne, very void of human context and human fallibility and all the things that make art, writing, really really interesting. and another strange shift, where we used to want artists to be cigarette smoking bohemians outsiders, and now we want them to be liberal academics. I'm not really interested in the politics of a person unless they're political — the idea of not listening to a record because they're right wing, it's a mad concept to me. we all know i don't like the post-woke, anti-woke thing because I think that with wokeness it's just an arm of progressivism and progressivism is trying to do the right thing. it's trying to deal with the stuff we need to deal with, racism, sexism, all the big issues. it's coming from the right place. so this is where i get in trouble, right. cause i operate as a really, really pop star now, and i suppose i don't think about my behavior but if i was to look back at the way i behave, i act more like ... a cult figure. like someone who has their audience, and it doesn't really matter otherwise. so when i'm, let's say, over the past year, getting myself in trouble, in air quotes, i'm literally realizing that in the moment. i'm forgetting that i'm really big. i'm forgetting that i'm, 34. and i'm into this and i'm into that, and these are my favorite movies and cultural references. and there's some 14 year old kid, who has just got the 1975 box tattooed in this really really big place. and i mention this because this goes into two different areas for me — being cancelled, we can look at it like this: if you do something criminal, and then loads and loads of people talk about it on twitter. which is where most people talk, that's just being found out to be a criminal. that's not being cancelled. [...] if you do something that's morally corrupt or wrong, not subjectively like objectively like normally criminal stuff, you'll get cancelled."

"when i was a child, i would go from a room where my parents were my parents, and then they'd leave to go to work and i'd go visit them at work and they'd be a different person with a different accent. [...] we can decide what reality is whenever we want."

"when the 1975 happened, i was like i don't want to be famous, but i am interested in all of these things and i think my meta-ness has gotten worse. you get to the third album and it starts to get very inward. i can't really help it. what is that shift, there was a desire in art, it was everywhere in the 90s. i don't know what counterculture looks like now."

[zaiinab]

i’m feeling so insanely nostalgic about fine line turning three tomorrow so do u all remember the night before lights up dropped and he was commenting on diff fan accounts ig posts and dropped it at like 4am casually having an orgy in the mv and the whole DYKWYA website and ‘go to therapy it’s important’ tweet and then he did snl which was iconic and he dropped ws literally the fucking second the show started???? and performed it w his hands shaking like crazy and then the zane lowe interview came out and he spoke about 1d and we found out that there was a voicemail w camille’s voice at the end of cherry and then he went to all those album listening parties and did all those promo interviews in that purple robe looking all cute and shit and then dec 13th when fine line dropped he did the one night only show at the forum which was insane and brought out stevie nicks and i remember everyone crying their eyes out when he performed falling lmao and the the iconic one night only in london when stormzy appeared which was 11/10 and him singing juice at radio one’s live lounge and that started the beautiful hizzo friendship and then he did the today show w that iconic cardigan and the how*rd stern interview and then he went to the brits and got insanely drunk which gave us some great content and then i remember that one show in miami got cancelled before his bday and a night before that he performed juice with lizzo quite literally shocking us all lmao and then covid hit and it all went quiet and then he dropped the ws music video which actually killed us all and the golden mv with his pretty curls in italy and yeah fine line era was the best and i feel sorry for everyone who missed out cos nothing will ever come close ever again.

[untilthenextencore]

Old Habits Die Hard~: Ch. 1

Robert remembered when it happened. He remembered the day. In the midst of an upturn in his solo career thanks to the Honeydrippers he was invited onto many an international show. In many a genre. Variety. Music. Even the odd kids or teen fare. Things he thought he had long since past his appeal for. Never one to turn down a chance at new experiences, Robert took on as much as he could. This was one of them.

The show he remembered being called something like "El Dia Ardiente" "The Fiery Day" nicknamed "Viernes Ardiente" aka "Fiery Friday" due to it being a Friday night staple for young Hispanic kids in Mexico & the Latin Market at large.

It featured a group of young teens & twenty something dancers, Singers, actors, models & all around variety talents that were thusly nicknamed "Los Ardientes" "The Fiery / Hot Ones". There were cheeky skits frequently featuring the stars of the week, reviews of albums & concerts passed or announcements & interviews with stars from either those passed or upcoming concerts & albums. There of course was a bandstand type element where artists could appear & perform while the kids danced around.

A kind of Mexican American MTV. Sort of like Bandstand meets Laugh In with touches of SNL. Robert didn't know how to explain it. He just knew he liked it a damn sight better than Saville.

It was there that he met Katia. Or at least that's what he initially thought she was called. It turned out later upon meeting her that he had misheard her nickname amidst all that rapid fire Spanish being spoken. She was not called "Katia" but rather nicknamed "Gatita" or the even shorter "Gati" aka "Baby Cat" or "Kitten", the playful diminutive of her first name, Katarina. He quickly corrected himself. Yet as time went on, between the two of them joking references to the mixup kept popping up. And between the two of them the name "Katia" - along with her actual names & nicknames "Gati" & Katarina of course - stuck.

But first he saw her. Earlier in the day before meeting her. Catching fleeting glimpses of her throughout that morning's warm-ups. Clutching her script of sorts to her chest, hair in pigtails as she listened to the producer telling her any last minute changes he had made to her segments.

Later again when she was getting her makeup touched up at the same time he was. Now with her hair messily clipped up. Loose tendrils fireworking out & framing her face. Unfortunately for him, she was too far to make small talk then. Add to the fact she was yet again wrapped up in a conversation; this time with the stage director.

The next time he saw her was when she was posed behind one of the hosts for a "beachy" intro segment. The palm frond used for styling obscured her vision of him as well as did the lights. All he could do was hope that the thousand watt disarming dimple flashing smile he was shooting her could rival them if not outshine them & catch her attention. He saw her gaze in his direction with a slightly stunned look on her face. A sign of recognition perhaps? That he was in fact looking at her? Surprise at the "Hi" he mouthed & the wave he added? Robert wasn't quite sure. He'd find out later.

After that segment she disappeared into wardrobe for a quick change & reappeared soon after with her hair pinned up slightly more neater this time. Elegant. Coolly seductive. Clad in a rich earthy toned gown, cinched at the waist with a full skirt & stockings. Robert felt his knees weaken slightly. Not only would he be singing the songs of his youth but with a living reflection of the girls of his youth next to him. The ones he used to gaze after. Lust after. Chase after. Pine after. Follow home from school holding their books after.

And as she was directed towards & neared him on his stage he decided, this was it. He had to get to know her.

Taking her hand, he guided her up onto his platform carefully. Gentlemanly. Also placing a gentlemanly kiss to the back of her hand as everyone was busy setting up & finding their marks, greeting her. "Nice to meet you."

She curtsied a little with a half smile half grin at her own over-politeness. "You're so sweet. Thank you. I'm glad to meet you too, Mr. Plant."

Mr. Plant? My, she was being formal!

"Please, call me Robert. Katia I hear your name is?"

Here went the cliffs notes of the explanation.

"Gati I think you heard. Gati or Gatita. Like Kitten. Short for Katarina. Long story..." She rolled her eyes & smiled exasperatedly.

"I hope you'll see fit to tell me one day." He grinned, flashing his popped dimples at her again.

"Oh, I wouldn't want to bore you. It's so silly."

"You could never bore me, darlin'. Trust me. I can tell already." He patted her hand. Then moving on to caressing it. Keeping it locked gently between his two much larger mitts. Never having let go of it once. "So you're my partner for today, eh?"

"Yes, sir." He gave her a look, mouth peaking in a grin. "Um, I mean Robert. Yes, Robert. I'm supposed to kind of dance around you as you sing. And maybe with you if you don't mind. Sort of a little window dressing. Not that you need it though."

"Of course I don't mind, Gati. Though I must admit I've never had my window dressed before. Certainly not so prettily. A hell of a first time it's about to be I'd say. Lucky me, eh?" There went that grin again. Those dimples. And that thousand watt smile which she blushingly returned with a nod.

If only he knew what awaited him passed that "window dressing" and how nothing would be the same for him again...

With her doing a slowed version of the stroll, undulating next to him it was surprisingly hard to focus as he sang "Sea of Love". Focus on the camera. The audience. On anything but the lyrics, her & this moment. Moreso when she came to the point where she was instructed to turn in towards him & slow dance with him as he beckoned her to "come with me to the sea".

A petite brunette knockout in stockings & petticoated skirt looking up at him with seemingly bated breath as they slow danced to a doowop song. Where was he again? In time & place, he wasn't sure. It just felt so right.

Was he seeing things or was she mouthing the words "I love you" to him every so often? Oh, right! The song! Those were the words! The words currently coming out of his mouth. She was mouthing along to the song. Was she playing along though? Was he?

He didn't quite know.

Running through the number a few more times didn't make it any easier. More time to get lost in the song. And her. More time to lose himself in her eyes. Her perfume. Her softness folding into his arms & yet somehow outright enveloping him. Her lips as they mouthed the words "I love you" over & over. Holding in a tentative breath or seeming to at times. Holding with them a kiss he longed to steal. Or feel.

It was enough to make him snap!

He did snap...

It was later that day after they had done the little promo bumpers for his appearance. Robert surrounded by Gati & a few of the other kids. Gati in another full skirted number. This one black with white polkadots, equally cinched at the waist with a bow at the collar. Robert even managed a little Spanish after a few quick notes by Gati & the kids on pronunciation.

He was surprised he could manage the finer points of the language in any regard being in such close proximity to her. Inhaling her perfume again. Watching those full lips pout & part as she taught him how to roll his R's as necessary. That sight of her trilling her tongue so definitely made his trousers shrink. As did the bright smile that followed after his attempt.

It was too much...

And so it was that as a wrap was called and the kids & crew scattered to the winds after the customary surrounding him for autographs & pictures, Robert cornered Gati. Literally cornered her. She barely had time to react when as she walked away, he called out, "Gati!" Her only managing to whirl around, skirt & petticoats fanning out around her, as tendrils of her hair fell to frame her face. All of it coming in slow motion to him.

When her lips had barely parted in response "Wha--?..." He pounced. Wrapping his arm around her waist & pressing her to him, claiming her lips in a kiss that had been all day in coming. He felt her gasp against his mouth. That bated breath again. And growled. Her lips faltered against his until he guided her in a smooth & easy rhythm that she hesitantly picked up.

"Mmmm..." He purred, feeling his trousers grow tighter still, rivaling some of his more famous pics from the Zep days. Just as he had thought. She tasted as sweet as she looked.

He continued the kiss even as he backed her against the nearby wall. Helping the trembling & shocked thing stand, while also helping to press her against him. When he accidentally - or was it instinctively? - ground against her gently, eliciting another gasp from Gati, he broke the kiss. Giving her a chance to compose herself & breathe.

Surprisingly, Robert found himself needing a bit of a breather himself as well.

Was it her perfume that made his head spin?

Was it the feel of her near?

Or just her?

He didn't know.

So instead he tried to lose himself in some small talk, trying not to show just how taken aback he was by his actions & his reaction to her. And how his shock rivaled if not dwarfed even hers!

"So... Gati... That long story about your name or nickname... How's about telling me over lunch? Or dinner, maybe?"

"Really? Tonight?" She looked a bit incredulous at it all. "Are you sure? I mean.. Sure you're not too busy for me? What with your shows coming up & other promos?"

"For you, luv?" Again, he made sure to flash his best dimple displaying grin. "I'll make time... So c'mon... Whaddya say?..."

"Okay!" She nodded, helping him wipe off traces of her lipstick carefully as she tidied up her own. "As long as you're sure... Wait right here while I get my things. I know a great place for lunch."

Robert couldn't believe his luck. Though he'd also assume that others wouldn't believe he couldn't believe his luck.

The one thing he really didn't believe was when one of the crew sidled up, apparently noticing him gazing at Gati, to him & in a mixture of Spanish & English told him something & revealed something to him that gave him pause & made his blood run cold. "Be careful, Mr. Plant. She's beautiful & brilliant... She's insanely talented... But she's also sixteen..."

Just his luck...

~

As ever, this is forever under construction & being edited~...

Hope you enjoy~!...

[unicornery]

today I had a minor internet quest to prove that this David Spade joke about Cameron Diaz’s short hair existed:

Cameron Diaz just cut off all her gorgeous hair. Men of America, you can now stop spankin’ it.

(This has obviously haunted me since 1997 because what an insane thing to think or say)

I was able to track it down using a site-specific search on jt.org - the key phrase was “gorgeous hair.” Since Cameron has hosted a few times, searching on her name was basically useless. And if you view the line within the transcript, the formatting kind of boned me, so searching on other phrases I thought I remembered from the joke like “men of america” and “spanking it” with the G weren’t going to get any hits.

as a look “behind the curtain*” here’s the searchings I was trying to do before I remembered gorgeous hair.

You can watch the SNL episode here: S22E12 - Neve Campbell. https://archive.org/details/saturday-night-live-s-22-e-12-neve-campbell-david-bowie And it’s during Weekend Update so you can skip to roughly the middle to watch it.

While he was a castmember, David Spade had a recurring desk piece during Weekend Update called Hollywood Minute, this appearance with the Cammy D joke was technically after he had left the show. There’s a handful of Hollywood Minute clips as well as the later incarnation “Spade in America” available on the SNL Youtube channel.

(In the interest of full disclosure I should point out that this entire search was precipitated by noticing on Instagram that Doug Benson cut off his long pandemic hair, sadface)

[jonjmurakami]

#pungeonsanddragons •Bad puns of Dungeons & Dragons monsters: 010123• Night Hag • Wicked witches that dwelt in the Lower Planes whose nightmarish minds and abilities made them appear to embody the ideals of the hag race. They could induce horrifying dreams and harvest soul larvae, used as currency in the Abyss, Blood Rift, & Nine Hells. • Remember this SNL skit? ^_^ •Keep smiling and stay safe! 🙂 #jonjmurakami #dandd #copic @copic_official_us #copicmarkers #comic #comicstrip #cartoon #dungeonsanddragons #dungeonsanddragonsmonsters #dungeonsanddragonscreatures #dungeonsanddragonsfanart #pun #puns #nighthag #nightattheroxbury https://www.instagram.com/p/Cm7LNnfPs6v/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[90363462]

Saturday Night Live Recap: Dave Chappelle Takes SNL to a Season High

Photo: NBC/Rosalind O’Connor/NBC

When he first hosted Saturday Night Live in 2016, Dave Chappelle famously said he would give Donald Trump a chance.

That was sort of how I felt about Chappelle when I learned he’d be hosting SNL this weekend.

It was a fairly new feeling. For many years, instead of “a chance,” I would simply give Dave Chappelle my wallet and my heart. In fact, I remember where I was — walking to a work thing in Williamsburg — when I saw a tweet about Chappelle hosting the first SNLafter the 2016 election. It was an instant hit of pure joy, directly into the bloodstream. That election had engulfed all of America, for far too long, in an ominous aura of pervasive dread, like an imminent car crash in slowest possible motion. Everyone wanted it to just be over but it felt like it would never end and it was difficult to imagine life afterward. The announcement of Dave Chappelle’s belated SNL debut, though — alongside A Tribe Called Quest, at that — was a reminder that not only was this grotesque election finally almost over but that good things awaited on the other side, independent of the outcome. And when the day arrived, Chappelle’sEmmy-winning turn ended up being a bright spot in what was, for many people, a very dark time.

Suffice to say, a lot has changed since then — both in America and in Dave Chappelle. That impossibly long election gave way to three chaotic Trump years, culminating in a somehow-even-more-chaotic pandemic election year, followed by even more chaos. Meanwhile, the rare thrill of seeing Chappelle perform stand-up on TV again during his 2016 SNL monologue slowly curdled into routine with his shockingly prolific run of Netflix specials. Comedy is obviously subjective and a lot of people loved each and every one of these, but to your recapper, they started to feel as tossed-off as they were increasingly bitter and combative. Having one’s jokes appear effortless is a stand-up magic trick, and Chappelle is a wizard at it. However, most of these specials were larded with lots of material that just felt low effort. And all of this is before we even get to the elephant in the studio during this SNL episode.

As you may be aware, Chappelle has faced heavy criticism in the past few years over his material about trans people. He’s been boycotted by Netflix employees, excoriated on Twitter, had a live performance canceled, and got tackled at the Hollywood Bowl last May by a guy whose stated motive for the attack so neatly aligns with a caricature of triggered comedy fans as to seem like a psyop. However, in that same span, Chappelle has also sold out venues everywhere, won an Emmy, made a deal to continue his wildly lucrative business relationship with Netflix, post-boycott, and, uh, been welcomed back to host Saturday Night Live. While some fans might call this ongoing success a victory over those who tried to cancel him, others might call it further proof that free speech isn’t quite as endangered as Chappelle constantly makes it out to be since turning his inherent right to make trans jokes into a hill to thrive on.

“The more you say I can’t say something, the more urgent it is for me to say it,” Chappelle said in What’s in a Name, a 40-minute TED Talk–esque quasi-special Netflix released in July. “And it has nothing to do with what you’re saying I can’t say. It has everything to do with my right, my freedom of artistic expression. That is valuable to me.”

It’s a valid point. At the same time, Job One for a comic is being funny, and while there have been many Free-Speech Martyrs in comedy before — and many currently cranking out cranky content about the fear of cancellation — there have seldom been humans as funny as Dave Chappelle. He’s always been somewhat bitter, but Chappelle used to take rascally delight in exploding the racial inequality that seemed to be the source of his bitterness. Recently, though, he doesn’t seem to be having much fun either in his stunt-y trolling of trans people, or his misguided scolding of those who would dare be offended by the wrong thing. Whether you agree that he’s gotten less funny since leaning practically full-time into grievance and controversy-stoking, it’s almost an objective truth that there is little in the world less funny than closing out a comedy special in 2021 by complaining in earnest that Kevin Hart was unfairly thwarted from achieving his dream of hosting the Oscars.

All of this is to say that by late 2022, I’d become indifferent to Dave Chappelle. The idea of wading through another hour of cancellation-themed humor to see if he’d actually be funny while exercising his right to poke the bear seemed like a snoozy chore. When SNL announced a threepeat of his post-election hosting tradition, though, I was willing to give him a chance. I wasn’t expecting him to help deliver by far the most consistently funny episode of the season.

Here are the highlights.

Stand-up Monologue

Clocking in just shy of his 16-minute monologue during the 2020 episode, Chappelle got the crowd roaring right away and seldom let up. Clearly, he went through some “there but for the grace of God go I” in the past month while watching Kanye torpedo both his reputation and his fortune — and thankfully he shared that experience with the rest of us. It was electrifying to watch him get close to the third rail of antisemitism while putting Kanye on blast for outright grabbing it, and explore the space in between. While he covered a lot of other ground in the monologue, his material about Kanye and Jews felt like a smarter and funnier expression of his comedic mission to test boundaries than anything that’s landed him “in trouble” on Netflix.

However, while he appeared to be coming at this material as an experiment in what he could get away with, rather than wanting to normalize antisemitic tropes, the results are largely the same either way. It’s not much of a surprise that the Anti-Defamation League has condemned Chappelle’s monologue.After wisely deciding not to pour gasoline on his previous controversy this outing, it looks like he may have ignited a fresh one.

Potato Hole

The buildup around what a Potato Hole might be goes on for so long, in such intentionally corny fashion, it feels like whatever weird sexual thing it turns out to be will inevitably be a letdown. So, when Chappelle’s bluesman Willie T. Hawkins finally reveals its very real slavery-derived definition, it lands hard. Andrew Dismukes’s anchor slowly putting down Hawkins’s album that he’d been holding up is a perfect punctuation to the main joke in this perfectly timed sketch.

Sarah Sherman Debuts Sarah News

It sorta feels like all that antagonizing of Colin Jost on “Weekend Update” has been leading up to this demented moment. Sarah Sherman fully hijacks the “Update” desk for four howlingly funny minutes of Topical Humor (Sarah’s Version), and I wish she would never give it back.

Heaven Scene

As a premise for a Chappelle sketch, “Black heaven” has a lot of potential. It is far funnier, though, to burn that premise for a fourth-wall-busting bit about Chappelle forcing Mikey Day to star in a sketch about Black heaven for his own devilish amusement. How much fun does the host look like he’s having here, surrounded by Chappelle Showalum Donnell Rawlings and Black Star, enjoying Day’s feigned awkwardness? You really do love to see it.

Please Don’t Destroy — Election Night

I compared Molly Kearney to Melissa McCarthy in a previous recap, but as they appear in more scenes, I’m seeing more shades of Chris Farley. Kearney’s manic desperation here, in trying to avoid becoming the attorney general of Ohio, has the same endearing vulnerability Farley brought to similar silliness. Also, it makes a subtle statement that the final sketch of a show hosted by someone so critical of gender expression ends with Kearney’s pronouns onscreen.

Stray Thoughts

• As a survivor of the year 1999, I appreciated the “Steal My Sunshine” reference in Trump’s rant during the Fox & Friends cold open. (James Austin Johnston’s uncanny mimicry of Trump’s stream-of-consciousness rant style is what got his foot in the door at SNL.) Also, Ainsley Earhardt (Heidi Gardner) wondering whether she was allowed to say “Wakanda Forever” turned out to be a nice tone-setter for the episode, with spiritual echoes in at least three other sketches.

• It’s amazing how long they let this sketchgo on as a House of the Dragon parody before revealing that it’s actually a sequel to the Chappelle Show character bonanza from 2016, which centered on Walking Dead. Also, Tyrone Bigguns using dragon fire to light his crack pipe was an inspired touch.

• I have a feeling that Kenan Thompson’s hair clippers buzzing immediately after a white person says something out of pocket is about to become a meme on TikTok, thanks to this barber-shop sketch.

• Sharp jokes all around on “Weekend Update,” but the visual gag of Tucker Carlson, “seen here trying to make it through No-Nut November,” was the killer line.

• With his debut of unlikely presidential hopeful Jose Suarez, new cast member Marcello Hernández is now two-for-two on “Weekend Update” desk pieces this season.

This recap has been updated.

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[ear-worthy]

Little Gold Men Podcast: Inside Hollywood

Two generations ago, print magazines existed as a primary form of communication, cultural exchange, and social commentary. The advent of the digital age has issued a terminal notice to print magazines with only limited methods for recovery. 

Vanity Fair is an American monthly magazine of popular culture, fashion, and current affairs published by Condé Nast in the US. It was, at one time, at the center of the social and cultural discussion. 

The first version of Vanity Fair was published from 1913 to 1936. The imprint was revived in 1983 after Condé Nast took over the magazine company. Vanity Fair currently includes five international editions of the magazine -- United Kingdom (since 1991), Italy (since 2003), Spain (since 2008), France (since 2013), and Mexico (since 2015). As of 2018, the Editor-in-Chief is Radhika Jones.

Like more nimble companies that own print magazines, Vanity Fair (VF) has adapted. It now has an impressive roster of podcasts -- from Inside The Hive to Still Watching. What I admire about VF's podcast roster is that the shows coalesce around similar themes, so the audience's expectations are met. Remember the CW TV network before it got acquired by Nexstar and essentially disemboweled in 2022? The CW was the home of young adult entertainment from Riverdale to The Flash to Supergirl. Viewers knew to expect, and the network actively recruited these viewers. 

VF's podcast are at the intersection of entertainment, culture, and supporting industries. The podcasts are not tell-alls about Reality TV and melodramatic trashiness. 

Little Gold Men is a Vanity Fair podcast that details the inside story of Hollywood, from awards shows and red-carpet premieres to the hard work and whisper campaigns that get people there. Weekly episodes feature conversations about the best of television and film, with special guest appearances from stars, creators, and critics. Little Gold Men also dives deep into Oscar history, and offers insight into all the other awards that make up Hollywood’s continual dash toward glitz and glory. For more on Little Gold Men, click on the link. Little Gold Men has been podcasting for nine years and is approaching 600 episodes. David Canfield and a roster of VF correspondents capably host the podcast.

David Canfield joined Entertainment Weekly in 2017 as an editorial assistant. He was promoted to associate editor the following year, writing features and reviews for the brand's Books section. He was also the co-host of the EW radio show Shelf Life. David then became a movies' editor at Entertainment Weekly, with special interest in Oscars coverage. Additionally, he hosted The Awardist podcast for EW. He left EW in 2021. He previously worked as an intern at both IndieWire and Slate magazine before becoming a news reporter at Vulture.

Recent episodes of note include  an aughts Saturday Night Live reunion as Maya Rudolph and Seth Meyers join the podcast. First, Rudolph dug into the new season of her Apple TV+ comedy Loot and the career that’s led to this long-awaited starring vehicle. Then Meyers reflected on the 10th anniversary of his talk series Late Night, and how he’s kept things fresh in a turbulent media ecosystem. As a bonus, the pair shares their favorite memories of each other from their time on SNL.

 Another excellent episode was the May 7th interview with Emmy winner Jean Smart by VF senior Hollywood correspondent Julie Miller about the third season of Hacks. The interview ranged from the show's increased physical demands on the actress to the deepening of her relationship with co-star Hannah Einbinder. Then, staff writer Savannah Walsh caught up with Nicole Beharie, the scene-stealing powerhouse who brought The Morning Show to new heights.

Little Gold Men is an ideal podcast for those who are fascinated by the "behind the scenes" view of Hollywood, which includes TV and film. 

[lizzygrantarchives]

Rolling Stone, January 30, 2012

The singer on her controversial 'SNL' performance, getting sent to boarding school and loving Biggie

JUST 36 HOURS AFTER THE the most polarizing Saturday Night Live performance in recent memory, Lana Del Rey is in New York, eating a cookie. “I actually felt good about it,” she says. “I thought I looked beautiful and sang fine.” But it’s clear that Del Rey has been rattled by the overwhelming Internet vitriol hurled her way after her awk­ward renditions of two tunes, including the breakout single “Video Games.” Del Rey’s ace in the hole: her debut LP, Born to Die, which blends sweeping orchestral arrangements and hip-hop beats with confessional lyrics about partying and unhealthy relation­ships. “Now my life is sweet like cinna­mon,” she sings on standout cut “Radio.” “Like a fuckin’ dream I’m livin’ in.”

How did it feel to sing on live TV?

It felt OK. The cast and crew said they loved it. I know some peo­ple didn’t like it, but that’s just the way I perform, and my fans know that.

Are you comfortable on stage?

I’m nervous. I’m not a natural performer or exhibitionist. When I was younger, I hated the focus, and it made me feel strange.

The backlash to that performance has been pretty harsh.

There’s backlash about everything I do. It’s nothing new. When I walk outside, people have something to say about it. It wouldn’t have mattered if I was absolutely excellent. People don’t have anything nice to say about this project. I’m sure that’s why you’re writing about it.

Have I given you the impression that I don’t like your music? I do! Especial­ly the song “Radio.”

No. I don’t know how you feel about it. It’s not easy to gauge how people feel about it. I don’t really want to go into it. But thank you, I love “Radio” too.

When was the first time you stepped onstage?

I was the littlest orphan in Annie when I was three.

What was the first music you loved?

We didn’t have a TV, so I remember seeing Nirvana’s “Heart-Shaped Box” video when I was 11, at a party at my mom’s friend’s house. There was just something about the look in Kurt’s eye that made me feel like I knew what he was feeling, like I could relate to him. I still listen to Nirvana most days.

In your song “Blue Jeans,” you sing, “I grew up on hip-hop.” Did you?

I really loved Eminem. And in high school, my English teacher introduced me to Biggie Smalls. I loved “Me & My Bitch.”

Do you have a big record collection?

I’m more of a singles person. I love the Beach Boys'”Fun, Fun, Fun,” Leonard Cohen’s “Suzanne” and Nina Simone’s “The Other Woman.” And hearing Bob Dylan’s “It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)” for the first time was a revelation. I watched Don’t Look Back a lot and read the biography by Anthony Scaduto. Like everyone else, Bob floors me.

Where did you write “Video Games”?

In London. I was with Justin Parker, one of my producers, and I just start­ed humming and freestyling over that progression of chords. It took me about 10 minutes, maybe. We knew we had something special. It was the perfect song for me — it was me in song form.

In your song “Off to the Races,” you mention cocaine, Bacardi chasers and cognac. Do you drink much?

I’ve been clean for some time now. I haven’t had a drink in many years, but I used to. Back when I was drinking a lot, I got in trouble and was sent to boarding school. But I straightened out after that.

Lyrics about taking some­one’s body “downtown” appear twice on the album. What does that mean?

It has a couple of mean­ings. One is, “Let’s go out, let’s go downtown!” And the other is… [Laughs] That’s it.

Originally published on rollingstone.com with the headline Q&A: Lana Del Rey.