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tqngerine · 1 year

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stay in the middle — 16. coolbeans

SYNOPSIS: Huening Kai would do anything for his best friend Taehyun, and this one small favor is no exception. It appears that Kai’s fellow campus journalist Y/N has caught his attention, and Taehyun needs help connecting to them. Befriending someone outside of his small social circle wasn’t something Kai did often, but he comes to find that it’s easy to get close to Y/N—maybe even getting a little too close.

word count: 1.6k

“This place isn’t as suffocating as I remembered.” Y/N couldn’t help but hum, gazing around the small cafe. Now that they weren’t overwhelmed with worries about social interaction anymore, they could properly appreciate the array of wooden decor lined up at the top of the cream walls. Plates, large utensils, framed coffee beans, the items were appropriate but quaint in its display. Y/N was quite charmed.

Sitting opposite to them, Kai made the practical decision of scanning the menu for their dinner selection. “My best friend and I often meet here in the early morning to charge up before our classes.“

“The same best friend that helped you with your report outline for earlier?”

Kai gave a nod.

“With the amount of times you’ve mentioned him, I’m wondering why I haven’t met him yet.” Y/N laughed.

A penguin pout graced his lips. “Ah, he’s especially busy these days because he’s in the volleyball team, training and all. But I promise you I’ll introduce him to you eventually.” He crossed his arms over the table. “Likewise, I want to meet your friends too.”

Y/N scrunched their face. “I fear they’re not as cute and into Sanrio as I am.”

“Not even Soobin?”

“He’s only cute. That’s the only thing he’s got going on for him.”

Kai giggled—or rather cackled with incredibly more power than necessary, earning him a few stares from the neighboring customers. After realizing his volume, he immediately turned to bow in silent apology to each table, looking like a docking ostrich in the process.

“We should probably take our orders now.” Y/N said, trying to hold back a laugh.

“Good idea.”

Y/N requested for a plate of carbonara while Kai went for a traditional caesar salad, along with two glasses of blue lemonade.

Once the waiter had left, the two were met with comfortable silence. They had just finished observing the swim team for almost three hours, it had already been a long day for them.

Although they have definitely grown much closer since the last time they were here (the longest and most awkward 30 minutes of their life, as Y/N remembered it), they found that they didn’t need to be constantly speaking to enjoy each other’s presence. Both naturally leaned more toward being the quiet type anyway.

The same panicky boy that made a mess out of Y/N’s papers almost a month ago wore a much calmer countenance today, his ebony curls more neatly kept and eyes crinkling into creases. He was fiddling with the corners of the paper placemat beneath him, creating a pile of paper crumbs that had been softly ripped apart.

“You’re not gonna have a placemat by the time the food arrives if you keep at it.” Y/N teased, pointing at the pile.

The tips of Kai’s ears colored. “Oops, habit of mine. My hands get restless so I often fidget without thinking.”

“No need to justify yourself, I promise. How about you help me with something instead to keep you busy.” Y/N then turned to their backpack to fish out a pastel pink notebook. They slid it in front of Kai to reveal the numerous Hello Kitty stickers decorating the front cover.

“That’s a lot of glitter on those stickers.” Kai’s own eyes sparkled at the sight.

“I always say it’s never enough.” Y/N smirked before flipping to the last filled page. Scribbled all over it was a mind map of words like moon, aliens, and galaxy, drawn arrows pointing them toward each other. “See, before I got in The Hybe Times, I used to submit self-written stories to the local student magazine. I’ve been thinking of submitting another one for the first time in so long, but I can’t quite stick to one idea.”

Kai took in Y/N’s explanation while examining the seemingly nonsensical writings on the page. “I’m gathering that your story is space themed?”

“Yep. The upcoming issue will commemorate the anniversary of the moon landing, so outer space was given as the prompt.” Y/N leaned backward, heaving a sigh. “But space is such a broad topic—kind of literally, too. So much could be talked about, how do I condense it into one short story?”

Kai’s eyes remained focus on trying to follow the words on the page, eyebrows scrunched thoughtfully. “Hm, do you know what all these arrows remind me of? Constellations. Metaphorical lines that connect different bodies together to form a bigger picture.”

Y/N blinked at his interpretation, caught pleasantly surprised. “That’s… I like that.”

“You do?”

“Constellations as lines that connect and create a bigger picture…” Y/N flipped the notebook back to face them and started furiously inking down the sparks in their mind. From their peripheral, they saw Kai watch in awe, his mouth slightly agape. Y/N only let a select few people witness their “light bulb” moments like these so they were admittedly a bit flustered under his gaze.

They finally looked up, corners of their lips stretched wide. “I don’t know how you did it but you just helped me plot out a full beginning, middle, and end of a short story.”

“That fast?” Kai gawked. “I’m impressed.”

“The mind works in mysterious ways.” Y/N reached forward to tap Kai’s temple with their finger. “Yours so much more so than mine.”

At that moment, Y/N’s eyes caught something from behind Kai’s head. Two figures had entered the packed cafe—two familiar figures.

Y/N quickly docked their head and tucked their notebook beneath the table, startling Kai. “I-is something wrong?”

Y/N’s voice lowered. “Don’t turn around, but Jungwon and Jay just entered the cafe.” They buried their face in their hands. Of course they’d come here; Jungwon was their field partner, and the swimming compound was right beside this cafe. It’d make sense for him to seek dinner here after fieldwork too.

Kai’s mouth rounded into a silent “oh”, nodding slowly and trying his best to remain calm for Y/N’s sake.

Unfortunately for Y/N, they made the mistake of peaking up again, accidentally making eye contact with Jungwon. At the sight of his co-journalists, he gave a big enthusiastic wave before dragging his friend along to their table.

“Kai hyung, Y/N! Thank goodness you’re here.” Jungwon greeted, grin wide. “The waiter just told us there were no more seats available. Do you mind if we sat with you instead?”

Jay stood rigid beside Jungwon, arms linked with each other. He gave the two a polite smile in greeting. Other than that, his face was practically unreadable—Y/N was hoping they’d figure out how he feels about getting a minor role alongside them, but maybe some answers are not this easily attainable. Still, his unreadability didn’t dismiss the way his hair was parted to the side so neatly, nor the way his slick leather jacket hugged his figure handsomely. Wait, how does an article of clothing hug one’s figure handsomely?

Y/N felt Kai’s expectant eyes on them, waiting for their call. (They were hoping his stare was not because they were noticeably blushing furiously at the moment.)

“Uh… sure! Come take a seat.”

Jungwon clapped gratefully. Right before any movements occurred, Kai swiftly switched to take the space beside Y/N, allowing the newly arrived duo to sit opposite them. It was as if he had read their mind begging for him to block any chance of Jay sitting close to Y/N.

“What did you guys order?” Jay asked diplomatically.

“Kai ordered a salad for two. Perhaps you’d like to take his other half?” Y/N promptly replied, to which Kai raised an eyebrow. They weren’t wrong, but Kai had the appetite for two servings; he very well meant to finish the salad on his own.

“I promise I’ll get you a big bowl of ice cream after to compensate. I just don’t want to have to wait for their orders too.” Y/N rapidly said below a whisper, ensuring that the other two didn’t hear them. Kai gave a thumbs up of content.

“Oh, I do love salad. That’d be nice, thank you.”

“Jay can pay for the entire bill, too.” Jungwon smirked, earning him an eye roll from his hyung. “What about me, though?”

“You can share Y/N’s carbonara! Also made for two.” Kai offered quickly. He lowered back down to Y/N to whisper, “I’ll make up for that with another big bowl of ice cream for you too.”

Y/N could feel their heart thumping in their ears out of nervousness.

“I’m more of a spaghetti person myself but I won’t complain since I’m hungry.”

As if on cue, a waiter arrived with their orders. The group then dined without chatter, busy enjoying their meals (and trying to stay calm in front of their crush, in Y/N’s case).

“Did you receive Yunjin’s message in the group chat?” Jay finally spoke up, breaking the silence.

Y/N nearly choked on their bacon. “O-oh. I haven’t been on my phone for the past hour. What did she say?”

“She already wrote specifications about our characters on the script. We’ll be rehearsing alongside the main cast tomorrow.”

“That’s great! I’ll read through the script later.”

“You guys have the same roles?” Jungwon asked.

“Uh, you could say that.” Jay simply replied, taking a sip from the service water. How on earth did he manage to make that something to swoon over.

Y/N had to slap Kai’s lap to bring them out of their trance, much to his poor surprise. “How are you enjoying the salad, Jay?” Kai spoke out of panic.

“It’s all right. My dad knows how to prepare an even better one though.” It should have sounded like a brag, but it came out more lighthearted. “I can pack extra to rehearsals one day for you to try, Y/N.”

“Coolbeans! I’d be honored to try.”

Jay lips pressed into a smile. “Hang on, I need to use the restroom.” He excused himself from the table, and the moment he was completely out of sight, Kai stifled a laugh.

“Coolbeans?”

Y/N plopped their head on Kai’s shoulder, groaning in embarrassment. “Why does time always seem to slow down whenever I’m in this cafe.”

A cough broke, causing Kai to turn to the scrutinizing gaze of Jungwon. “There’s something going on that I don’t know about.”

Y/N continued to grumble incoherently, forehead still stuck to Kai’s shoulder.

“Do you not care to tell me?”

“None of your business, Yang!”

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a/n: kai and y/n can’t just be depicted as chronically online moots-ies forever so i decided to make a written chapter for them 😔🤞 lmk what you think of their dynamic so far 😙

TAGLIST: open!! leave a comment below or send me an ask to be included in this taglist ^^ (if your name is in bold, i can’t tag you)

@kaisdefender @fairysh4mpoo @0rangemilk @beomsbeanie @hanjisungsgirl @luvsoobs @goldennika @spagettae @solarsolarity @hy2ka-i @aestheticsluut @sophie-writingtime @quitbeingawhore @destinylightlove42 @softpia

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pansyboybloom · 4 months

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I think maybe my tone and language may out sent the wrong message because I agree with you and a lot of the points you are saying. We probably also are just in different spaces online and my use of the term "anti trans masculinity" was wrong and misconstrued.

When I say anti trans masculinity, I don't mean anti trans men. I mean anti masculinity in the context of being trans. Probably not the best term.

My "not immune to terf propaganda" was taken out of context. I'm saying that I've seen a lot of trans people online still propagate the idea of trans women are predatory and ugly for being masculine, and trans men are victims of grooming. Especially with poc trans people. Black trans women are almost immediately clocked as groomers, even by fellow trans women.

I've seen other transmascs fall into a pipeline of "feminine transboys are the only valid ones", with those transboys tell others that masculine features are disgusting. I've seen transmascs hold off from transitioning because they are scared to turn "ugly". Because feminine = attractive and masculine = ugly.

Also I talked about the uwu cunt boy fetish of trans men because it's become incredibly more popular, including in "trans friendly" spaces from what I have seen. I didn't mean to say that trans women aren't fetishized, they most definitely are. Trans people are very much seen as a kink to a lot of people.

While you are fair to call bs on my claim that transfems are ripped apart if they don't immediately transition, I have seen it. Though I definitely did word that statment wrong. I've seen trans women online post videos of them in makeup and wearing wigs, then a video of them out of that, and told in the comments that they "look prettier when passing", "you should only do content while passing", and "be glad you aren't a man anymore".

While we can agree to disagree about transmen experiencing a specific kind of bigotry (oppression wasn't a good word), I was talking about the very small communities of trans women saying that trans men are "betraying them", and how that isn't an excuse to turn around and be misogynistic to them. Even if a transfem is saying something slightly annoying, transmen will rip her apart.

I'm sorry that my anons came off the wrong way. Also not trying to immediately push off the blame to me being uneducated. I try my best to hold up my transfem friends and I do try call out fellow trans guys for being misogynistic.

once again giving the heads up that the schizo word/brain salad is making articulation hard and that my hand tremors are really bad today, so any tone or misspellings or anything is bc of that! just in case

thank you for your reply, i know my own was super long, so i appreciate you taking the time to read and digest that giant wall of words. i hope it didn't come across as aggressive, as that wasn't my intent (i hate to keep giving the same excuse, but I'm schizo spec and have a very hard time articulating myself)

i will agree that we are likely in different areas online-- I've actually made it my new year resolution to spend less (for lack of a better word) time in online spaces and more irl (PFLAG has been wonderful to me <3) so I'm a little behind on the attitudes on tumblr, so to speak, and was coming more from what I've seen in person and in literature (once again recommending whipping girl! it is a great place to start on transfeminist theory, though it is long. if that's something you're interested in, Julia Serano, the author, reads her audiobook and you can likely find it at your local library/on libby)

I apologize that i didn't realize the context of the terf comment! that's on me. I agree that a lot of trans people regurgitate the "trans women are predatory and ugly for being masculine, and trans men are victims of grooming". the amount of trans men i have seen (specifying trans men since that's the space i spend the most time in) who have detransitioned into 'dysphoric females' and buy into the sudden onset dyphoria theory so they can have more of a community with radfems.... shudders. I think this serves as an example of how the unique experiences trans men have can turn into bigotry. not excusing trans men who go full radfem's actions, bc they are hurtful and dangerous, but i see radfems twist a lot of young trans men's fears surrounding men developed by the sex binary and sex essentialism to convince them they are being groomed and have to stay women or will lose their whole community/safe space. i see this a LOT with young adult straight trans men who are so scared of being rejected by their lesbian radfem community that they turn on fellow trans people. as i said in the last ask, the idea that women are 'abandoning' their girlies to go be with the enemy is definitely dangerous when put to the extreme by communities like radfems. i wouldn't call it a systemic transmisandery (or similar word) issue as much as i would a symptom of misogyny, essentalism, & transphobia, but it should be something we as a community talk about, esp since these 'dysphoric females' genuinely hurt the rest of us. especially since, in my experience, these communities tend to be predominately white, so like you said, Black trans women get the brunt of the vileness. the whole community at large has failed Black trans women and fems, and transmisgoynoir is something that must become the forefront of community discussion.

okay back on track lol.

i misunderstood your point on the 'fem tboy is the only valid one' earlier, so sorry. trans men as a community most certainly do that to other trans men, but, just speaking as a gnc trans man, I've noticed that like, it comes less from a fear of masc-ness and instead from a fear of fatness/loss of conventional attractiveness and also this misunderstanding of gnc as a whole. not wanting to start t bc 'i'll get fat/i'll go bald/i'll have to stop wearing skirts' is a fear i see a LOT in pre t gnc trans men circles, especially the young ones, and i think that really shows how we as a community have failed young trans men. i think by showing love for fatness/bears, 'non conventionally attractive' men, be it balding, acne, whatever, and showing how to play with gender outside of fem/masc would solve that problem, or start to. but that's just coming from my perspective as a white, fat, gnc gay guy, so i cant speak for everyone and every trans kid.

and oh my god just adding onto the 'cuntboi' thing-- as a guy who wants phallo, the idea that we're all white thin sexually ambiguous bottoms who enjoy vaginal penetration makes me want to eat my pants. i think that affects all trans people-- femininity is synonymous with submission, sex, and fetish for a lot of people-- it def is frustrating when you see even other trans guys perpetuate it. i think it's less a hate of masculinity and more a fetishizing of femininity and using that fetish to fetishize trans men. it's like how autogynophilia is used all the time to denounce trans women but autoandrophilia is rarely mentioned for us, bc why would we want to be men during sex? we're all bottom-submissive cunt boys, we would never want to imagine and get off on being men during sex!! that's why im not the biggest believer in autoandrophilia being a modern internet problem as much as it could be.

As for your comment on trans women getting ripped apart for not passing: i personally think that is a product of effemimania, which is a term Julia Serano coined in Whipping Girl (i know, i know, this is like the 5th time I've mentioned it) to describe our cultural obsession with “male femininity,” specifically the manner in which such expressions are routinely sensationalized, rigorously policed, and pathologized, instead of any specific anti trans masculinity. Basically, it is spurred on by an obsession with what womanhood looks like and a near fetishistic need to watch trans women practice it the way you want them too to enforce control over them.

once agian, thanks for reaching out. i'm glad to know we could have a conversation, ya know? if you have any other questions, don't hesitate to reach out again

#long post

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3s0t3ric · 1 year

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Watching People Operate Through Fear is so Captivating

The human experience is so divine in the way that we all have complexities, yet all of our experiences are common among certain other populations. Why? All of the sudden social boarders blur and we are among our peers not of just age, but mutual experience.

As I’ve decided to dive into learning more about aspects of myself outside of my academic life which I have spent the past 17 years of my life nourishing, I’ve found it rather troubling to catapult myself into ANY sort of novelty.

In the same stroke as academia, I have also been a vegetarian for 17 years. This means that as a 6 year old KINDERGARTENER, I made the conscious decision to forbid any meat into my body, and boy am I hard headed. Let me tell you, old habits die hard! During a recent trip of mine I had decided now was the time to immerse myself into something that was novel for me. I received a complimentary snack from one of the many restaurants I had visited; the gag is this “snack” contained fish. I was determined to at the VERY LEAST attempt to eat it. I worked myself up for the next two (2) days (48 hours) (2880 minutes but who’s counting) ruminating trying this bite sized, cultural interpretation of what only I could understand as a tuna salad. My dear travel buddy (bless this poor woman for letting me get a box for my 1” by 1” snack) had walked me through the idea of having to go through some things alone, as not to blur your thoughts with the potentially improper guidance of others.

This struck a cord in my highly independent being. Not only did she tell me that i had to do this alone, but I am blessed to have myself, and only myself as my support system.

I am the only person in the world that has spent 100% of my time with me. I know me the best and I know when to push myself, and when I need to let myself rest.

After 2 days, I had finally decided I was in a safe mindset for a new experience. I went to the refrigerator where the rather minimalistic to-go box sat and put the bite of fish cocktail in my mouth. There was an immediate flush of emotions. I was encapsulated; up to my neck and inexplicably unable to breathe? This feeling was comparable to sneezing hours after my wisdom tooth surgery and ripping all 4 stitches simultaneously (I’m not kidding this was WILD). I choked. Not on the food, but I began to cry. As the fear melted to frustration I hear my own mantra I’ve repeated to countless others.

Be gentle with yourself.

If I’m being completely honest, in this point of time I wish I wasn’t so quick to be emotionally intelligent because I wanted to sit in my anger.

Anger is sad’s bodyguard.

What was I truly angry about? Well I was sitting on the cold floor of a shared kitchen in the middle of central Harlem defeated by none other than a scoop of Smokey (tilapia??? Your guess is as good as mine).

But. I did it. All me.

We can’t discount our life experiences. After much consideration, I am proud of how I proceed through fear. I am proud to know I have the mental grit to want to do something, and get it done.

Make it a point to share your feats, yes, but also the character building days that built that person with successes. Healing is not a solo journey. Heal in community and take notes from the ones you trust. Others can share their experiences in a safe environment to encourage deeper thoughts about your own human experiences. We aren’t as distant as we think.

The biggest failure is to not do it,

and

old ways never open new doors.

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ekaterinatepes · 3 years

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Nothing But The Best

Author Notes: once again I apologize for how long this took to update. Schedule is still hectic and will remain so for the following month or so. But fear not. I shall continue to update at least once a week. Once again reblogs and comments are appreciated!

XVI

Our ability to survive depends on our skill to change and adapt. Everything in life is about transformation.

The drastic changes in your life seemed like a never ending avalanche of heart break and tough decisions… once again, transformation.

Your own choices placed you exactly where you were at, there was no one else to blame but yourself.

Satoru chose to remain in New York for another two weeks during which he had invested himself into re-discovering you (in his mind you never stopped being his. In the sanctuary of his thoughts you are always referred to as his wife, his one and only Mrs. Y/N Gojo. The woman of his life and owner of his heart).

Satoru tried a gentle approach with you. Not wanting to push you too far not to leave you alone all together. Using all his knowledge of your personality and preferences he slowly inserted himself in your life once again.

At 5:30am sharp he would meet you at the entrance of your building wearing his training clothes, he wanted to show you he supported you and your career. He would go for a run with you around the park. This, of course evoked memories of when you both first started dating and Satoru would show up to workout with you or take you out to dinner after training.

You got to know he had been working harder to help Yuuji control the curse inside him but it was a hard endeavor. He didn’t have to specifically verbalize it for you to know it was a loosing battle and he felt responsible for it but he was trying his best to find a way to help the boy. You missed the kids, they were like family. So you made sure to ask Satoru to tell them you missed them.

But despite your ex-husband’s best efforts you still wanted to be alone. You needed some clarity, the opportunity to sort out your feelings. Gojo wasn’t particularly thrilled with you pushing him away but he promised to you and himself that he would change and would do an effort to respect your wishes so he gave you your space.

But Satoru wasn’t stupid, he knew you missed Suguru and felt guilty for choosing your own husband (ex-husband) over your best friend.

And that’s why you kept pushing him away. Saying you needed time to think.

His time was running out, he had to return to Japan. At least for now, he had unavoidable responsibilities with his students as well as the rest of his missions. He went to your apartment the night before his flight and explained to you why he had to return but he also promised to come back to New York as soon as possible.

“It’s alright Satoru, I understand… I’m gonna be just fine” you reassured the sorcerer who didn’t look convinced at all about leaving you alone. “Please, at least answer my calls and messages. I’m gonna be worried sick if you don’t” you nodded and then he hugged you tightly, inhaling your intoxicating aroma as if he wanted to commit it to memory. His lips soon found yours and before either of you knew it you were in your bed ripping off each other’s clothes so you could express with your bodies how much exactly you would miss one another.

He had taken you for granted once, he would never make that same mistake.

-1 Week Later-

It had been three weeks since you last saw Suguru, he wouldn’t answer your calls, texts nor your emails. You didn’t even know if he was still in New York for that matter. Not knowing was slowly killing you, consumed by guilt you knew you deserved this treatment.

And yet, you wanted to find him and explain… try to make it up to him somehow. He didn’t deserve the pain you had inflicted upon him.

From: Kitten 🐱

To: Sugu

I need to talk to you, please give me a chance to explain. I don’t want to lose you Suguru. I know it’s selfish on my behalf but I can’t let you walk away without explaining. Please Suguru.

I miss you.

Another message sent, he wouldn’t answer your texts. At least he didn’t block your phone number. (Not yet, supplied your tortured mind)

The whole reason why you held back from actually having sex with Suguru although you both had wanted that very much during the last 6 months was because you wanted to give Geto everything. Not only half of you. He deserved someone who would chose him completely. At least that’s what you knew was right.

You didn’t want to toy with his emotions. Then again Satoru’s sporadic presence in your life didn’t help at all. Everytime he showed up you were back to the beginning.

There was no other way to explain this other than saying…you could never resist him.

It was a Monday evening, you just got home after your training at the academy. Sitting on the couch eating some salad when the doorbell rang. You were not expecting anyone. And most importantly someone who didn’t need to be announced by the guard downstairs. There were only two people who could show up at your door in such fashion.

When you opened the door the first thing you saw was a broad torso covered in a very familiar black fitted t-shirt. Long black hair framing a handsome face and those beautiful amber pools looking at you. Without hesitation you threw your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Suguru responded to your embrace by surrounding your firmly in his arms lifting you a few inches from the floor.

His sweet lavender and sage scent welcomed your senses once more. It wasn’t until he dried the tears from your cheeks that you realized you had been crying.

“Yo..you are here… Suguru! I am so sorry! I-“ he stopped you by placing his right index finger upon your lips. “You don’t have to say anything. I am here because I have to tell you something important. Come Kitten, let us sit” he took your hand and guided you to the couch where as soon as you both sat next to one another you threw yourself into his arms once more making the raven haired sorcerer chuckle “I missed you too Kitten” he whispers against your h/c tresses.

“Listen…. I was angry… I was mad at you because I thought you would choose me and instead chose Satoru. But these past weeks without you, I have been a wreck to say the least and then I realized… I have always known you loved Satoru from the beginning and that never bothered me before.” Sighing he made a small pause before continuing “Granted… I do resent him for hurting you but I never expected you to completely loose your feelings for him.“ you were about to explain to him that you were trying to sort those feelings out but he interrupted you with a little kiss on your lips “let me finish Kitten” a tender smile spread across his lips making you blush again.

“I realized that I don’t want to renounce to you, I don’t want to give you up. Because there simply is no other person who I want to be with. No one can replace you. And you don’t have to choose between Satoru and me…. At least on my behalf I am ok with sharing you with him. I don’t want to lose you and I don’t want to put you in a position that only will hurt your heart.” Stroking your cheek softly Suguru leaned in and kissed your lips once more, just this time the exchange was sweeter and lasted longer. His tongue teased the entrance to your mouth before fully delving in to revel in your warmth and sweetness. Pulling back and looking into your eyes Geto assured you “I love you… and I want you to be happy. I am not going to make you choose because I don’t want to lose you Y/N”.

To say you were shocked to the core and touched beyond words was an understatement “Suguru… I don’t know what to say…” you start but Geto chuckled

“You don’t have to give me an answer right away.. I und—-“

You cut him by crushing your lips against his, kissing him throughly. Your legs straddled his waist immediately so you could feel his strong and warm body against yours. Was this man even real? I mean… Suguru Geto was a remarkable person but at this point you started questioning your own sanity. Did you make this man up in your imagination? Because you have never met someone sweeter, nor kinder nor more loving than him. And this was without counting all his very alluring physical attributes.

By the time you pulled back you were out of breath and so was he.

Now, the thing was… is this what you wanted? Did you want them both? Wasn’t it too greedy to have them both as lovers?

There was also the possibility Satoru would flat out reject the idea but… you didn’t want to choose between them. You…. Loved them both.

Before you could speak once more you ‘felt’ someone behind you stroking your back.

Almost jumping out of your skin you turned around to find Satoru in his usual jujutsu high uniform sans blindfold.

“You’re late…” Suguru comments as if he had been expecting his best friend to teleport right then.

“I know… Yaga was being a pain in the ass as per usual” added Satoru with a grin before taking a sit next to Suguru with the biggest shit eating grin you could imagine.

“So? Did she agree?” Questioned smirking and moving his hand to stroke your hair away from your neck while you still sat on Suguru’s lap.

“I am not sure… I think we broke her…” added Geto amusedly before chuckling and kissing your cheek.

“I know how to fix that!” Excitedly announced the white haired man. Cupping your face between his hands he pulled you in to kiss you deeply. His tongue voraciously licking the inside of your mouth and enticing you to kiss him back.

This was surreal…. Were you dreaming? You had to be dreaming or maybe you hit your head and now we’re in a coma. Yeah… you have to be hallucinating this.

When Satoru pulled back he laughed “Princess… don’t look so surprised… you must have known this would have happened sooner or later… Sug and I would never give you up and we know you wouldn’t pick one over the other either… and well, we didn’t want to give you the chance to pick neither…” they knew exactly how you were. Even before you knew it yourself. They just knew you would bolt and choose no one if that meant not hurting the other so they had to figure out a solution where all of you were happy.

Tags: @sleepyamaya

@jxvajxy

@okkotsuoasis

@my-reality-is-in-my-head

@dok-ja

@jscarlet06

@fiona782

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#jjk #gojo x you #gojo saturo x reader #jjkgojo #gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen gojo #gojo angst #jujustu kaisen #jjk suguru #gojo x female reader #gojo x y/n #getou #geto x reader #geto x y/n

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fanficmemes · 3 years

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So. There is this fic. Where Big Bird use a ritual with muppet sacrifice to make Mr.Hooper return to life, but he return as a zombie that start killing everyone in sesame street.

It is only 1700 word.

But OH BOY the cursed. I cannot speak about it without sending quotes to describe some of the parta, cause like, this is a masterpiece.

""So he drew a pentagram on the ground with chinese symbols on it. Then he grabbed Elmo and cut his intestines open with a knife, spreading all the shit-filled bowels like butter on a sandwich.

"Oh yeah cut Elmo open like a salad of fermented monotreme madness!" moaned Elmo whorefully and anti-feministically.""

This is like the start and already we are peaking. So, Mr. Hooper return to life, with: "his eyes red as the venemous cunt of a raped enchilada and his skin green like putrid herpes vigor".

If there is one thing dead dove crack fic always get, is DESCRIPTIONS.

After the sacrifice function Big Bird wanted to be fucked in his cloaca by Hooper, but he refuse, and prefer to rape Oscar the grouch with a broken glass bottle. We also get to know Oscar eat aborted babies, of which he have a collection in his trashcan. Big Bird jelous kill the Grouch, that mean:

"In doing so, Oscar's bowels unleashed a massive torrent of putrid yellow diarrhea, which Mr Hooper drank with much pleasure."

Hykes.

After traumatizing us with this, Mr.Hooper start burning alive muppets and eating their genitalia.

"Then he shoved her into a sawmill and obliterated her flesh into a million bloody pieces, forcing them all down Cookie Monster's mouth.

"Oh God I'm gonna be sick!" barfed Cookie Monster, vomitting his own stomachal lining, but Mr. Hooper squeezed his balls, prompting him to sadly devour more of Abby's pieces."

Also the Count apparently really like this (?) and start masturbating with a pencil sharpener, while Grovel think maybe it is better to suicide.

""I'm going to remove the fetus of my own life!" cried Big Birds sadly, putting the coat hanger in his eyelids.

"No, don't kill yourself, to sacrifice to one's misery for the bliss of death is to deny reality it's fair due!"

"Weren't you about to comit suicide as well?"

"Fuck you Big Bird!""

Masterpiece i tell you. MASTERPIECE.

Mr Hooper decide he need to kidnap every children of the city to make the bigger flesh dildo ever made. Also he explode Baby Bear.

At the end Big Bird decide that he have to kill Mr.Hooper again, and go to the library to find a ritual. There he find Bert and Ernie having bdsm sex, that when discovered what is happening decide to help him. That mean they have a threesome and doing that magically the book they need get out of the bookshelf.

And this scene happen:

""Good, they even got the ingredients we need!" said Big Bird, pointing at Baby Bear's putrid remains.

Big Bird ate the rotten bear flesh, then did a twirl, and bright white light began to envelope him. Earnie couldn't believe it, Big Bird turned into Sailor Saturn!

"By the power of Satan, be raped by wapanese cocks by all eternity!" said Big Bird with the gigantic buckteeth he acquired.

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mr. Hooper said meanly, but it was too late, pink light began to glow on his limbs.""

Everything is well what finish well.

And also Big Bird rip out his face.

In all of this, i need to recount the best quote of the fic:

"Why could life not fall into the enthropy driven despair of emancipation, why does the price always become more expensive than the desire outcome of a heart so tainted by the condolences of fate? Why was fairness not an universal factor that drives correspondency to its full potential, to ensure a better trade by which our capacities are judged? Why did he have to lose so much to gain nothing at all?"

MASTERPIECE of cursed crack.

10/10 read it and wished I hadn’t!!!

#asks #cursed asks #this was #so much #I’ve thought about it for weeks

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orangefoxes · 3 years

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Hey, so I've been trying to submit a prompt but it won't work so here it goes I know this will be sad but what if Neil gets really sad and depressed (the reason is up for interpretation ex: bullied by jack or is haunted by PTSD) and so he becomes full of self hate and becomes anorexic and cuts himself #andreil (this would mean so much since I've been through similar circumstances and was strong enough to pull through and keep living, this book and your Tumblr have helped me so much)

Hi @soph-ie21 I am so sorry this took a whopping 4 years for me to post. I’m terrible for not checking my inbox as my notifications have been turned off for tumblr since I was like 13. I’m so glad to hear that you recovered from your ED, you must be so strong and I’m so proud of you as I know how difficult that is to do. I’m hoping this is the sort of prompt you were looking for, if you’re even looking after this long, as it’s not very dialogue heavy, but here you go.

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDER, SELF LOATHING, ANOREXIA.

When in high stress situations, to cope, the brain releases a hormone called cortisol. It’s alright in small doses, helpful even. It triggers your fight or flight response and readies the body to do something, fast. Constant exposure to the hormone however, has some not so good long term effects. Effects that include, but are not limited to: high blood pressure, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, osteoporosis, and, arguably the mildest, weight gain.

Cortisol results in weight gain for two reasons. The first is because it slows your metabolism, and the second is because the drop in blood sugar from constant high blood pressure means that you start craving fatty, sugary foods, which leads to overeating. Neil’s memory is not nearly good enough for him to recall what foods he had craved over the years, but he and his mother shied away from sweets and chocolate for dental reasons, it probably would have been a hardship for many kids growing up but Neil had never much cared for sugar anyway. However, what he and his mother did indulge in is a lot of fatty, fast food. Partly because it was cheap, partly because it was something they could eat while on the move, and partly because no one would look twice at two sketchy people in a Burger King or remember a beaten up old car briefly pausing in a drive thru.

While never giving much thought to how he looked (short of checking for ginger roots and the bruise on his cheek from where his mother had slapped that smile from his face), Neil does remember his weight fluctuating a lot when he was younger. The more stressful the months, the chubbier he got. It was in the quiet periods as he and his mother settled down and didn’t dare to venture into the supermarket too often that he began to lose it again. It was a cycle.

In Millport, Neil was at his lowest weight yet. There was only a solitary McDonald’s in town and Neil wasn’t about to become a regular. He stocked up on tinned food from the supermarket in his first week in town instead and meticulously made his way through them, heating the can up on the hot plate he had bought for four dollars from the thrift store in the high street.

He gained weight again once he started at Palmetto, he gained muscle mass too. This, of course, was thanks to three free meals a day and a new training regime with daily exercise. It was to be expected, but if, perhaps, he gained weight quicker than his teammates and muscle slower, well, he had bigger things to worry about.

Then he knew he was going to live.

Then everything with the Moriyamas was…well, not gone, but resolved.

That’s not to say there was nothing to stress about. There was the influx of reporters wanting to catch the Foxes’ attention to ask about Nathaniel Wesninski. There was Kevin’s impending break down as Riko’s funeral came and went. There was Aaron’s trial. Honestly it probably would have gone as stressful situations for Neil always go - here and gone just as quickly - except it turns out that Nicky cooks when he’s stressed, and Neil, well, he’s a stress eater.

After Aaron is declared innocent, Nicky resumes as normal. Neil…not quite. He’s constantly opening the cupboards to look for something to eat only to close them again when he finds nothing of interest. Without Nicky cooking, there’s nothing he can easily dig into and Neil, while accumulating many skills over the years, had never been a hand in the kitchen. The only things ready-eat that were consistently in the dorm were ramen and ice-cream. Even the thought of ramen makes Neil want to vomit and Neil wasn’t so desperate that he would resort to eating something as sweet as ice cream. Not that Andrew would let him if he did. (Andrew wasn’t a sharer).

He started to feel hungry.

He was always hungry.

The first few days he started to skip meals, he didn’t even notice he was doing it. Surely he didn’t notice he was doing it.

It’s just -

Here’s the thing.

Maybe he stress eats. Maybe his mother did too. They spent long car journeys with a family sized bag of potato chips resting by the gear stick and they spent half the time stuffing handfuls into their mouths and the other half checking the mirrors for cars that stayed behind them a touch to long. So maybe he stress ate, but it was never because of hunger: it was because of craving. It was because it gave him something to do with his hands. It was only when things quietened down, when the weeks turned long with the monotonous almost-existence that took up the majority of Neil’s life growing up (here’s something no one tells you about life on the run, in between the moments of sheer terror, it’s very very very boring), it was only then, that Neil actually began to feel things like hunger.

So when the hunger pangs began to curdle in his stomach, well, he didn’t mind. It meant he was safe enough to feel the hunger.

Maybe for the first couple of days he didn’t notice it. But then he noticed it.

He noticed enough to avoid things like rice and bread. Danger foods that packed on the calories and that made him bite the inside of his cheek until it bled at the mere thought. He noticed enough that he began to watch the others train and saw their muscles flex and couldn’t help but track their muscle growth and measure it up against his own. He always found himself lacking.

That’s when it started to get worse. If Allison spent 20 minutes on the treadmill. Then Neil would do 30. If Kevin did 40 push ups. Then Neil would do 50. If Renee had a salad for lunch, then Neil would just have a fruit pot.

The first time Andrew noticed that he skipped a meal, Neil just blinked. Being who he was, Neil didn’t do stupid things like stumble for lies and this time was no different. When Andrew asked about him not eating Neil just blinked like he hadn’t even noticed until Andrew brought it up.

He blinked and said “oh, you’re right. I got so caught up in watching exy reruns i didn’t even notice”

He said, “thanks, I’ll grab something in a sec”

Andrew breathed a scoffing breath down his nose, rolled his eyes and called him a junkie. He didn’t look at all surprised, as though Neil was only confirming what he had already guessed. Which of course is the trick all good liars employ.

Neil wondered if he would be surprised if he were to find out how impossible it would be for Neil to forget a meal time. He could never forget. All he thought about was food. It was all he thought about.

Food began to feel like it was all he cared about. Cared about more than school. Cared about more than exy. Is it terrible of him that that more than anything else feels like the worst thing?

And then, as things do, it got worse.

It turned into Neil stood in front of the mirror (looking at his body but not his eyes, never his eyes) and pinching the flesh between his fingers. Noticing every part of him that didn’t harden into muscle like the others. Noticing all the scars that had stretched strangely over a waist and thighs that are no longer as small.

He begins to peck at his food. Rip it into tiny pieces. Andrew looks down at his plate and glowers at him. Neil gives him a cheeky grin. He knows what he’s thinking. That this is just another one of those Andrew-mannerisms that Neil is taking on for himself. Like the sarcastic salutes and the blank, waiting stares. It’s so much easier to hide how little you’ve eaten when it’s all in pieces.

He didn’t know how to explain it. He just knows he needs to be thinner. He needs to weigh less. It’s not about looks. It’s never been about looks. He just needs to do this. He needs to be smaller. It will be alright then. Because then…then…

Well it will be alright then.

So here’s the thing about guilt and self loathing: they’re useless emotions. Andrew would be quick to agree. (Though Andrew is a hypocrite and is chock full of the both of them). His mother would agree too. How many times had Neil slipped poison into someone’s drink, stole from someone just as desperate, shot someone who maybe or maybe-not deserved it? And how many times after that did his mother pinch and prod at him and repeat the same mantra of “don’t you dare let guilt slow you down, you slow down and you’re dead”

Well, Mum, he’s slowed down. He slowed down so much that he’s stopped altogether and guess what? He fucking hates himself.

He replays it all in his head like a terrible loop. The boy in Switzerland that he tricked into taking his jacket so His fathers men would go after him instead. The old women he and his mother tricked into housing them and then slipped something in her tea until she slept and never woke up again. The homeless man who had broken into the house they were squatting in that Neil had shot on instinct. Seth.

Seth. Seth. Seth.

He fucking hates himself. Honestly the hunger pains kind of feel like the best thing he’s ever felt after that. The pain, the ache, he deserves it.

Then it gets worse. Then comes the worst part.

Andrew’s meds change again. The others had begun to make him irritable and he always had an energy crash by about 5pm and a terrible headache. The new ones wouldn’t be of much note as they did nothing groundbreakingly different, short of getting rid of the headaches and not sapping so much of his energy.

Except for one key side effect of the meds.

They suppressed Andrew’s appetite.

More and more Andrew is missing meals. He won’t even eat more than a tablespoon of ice cream. Neil watches him and adjusts himself to suit. He doesn’t know why, but he just can’t be eating more than him, he can’t.

The frustration he feels about Andrew’s meds soon turn to resentment. He hates that he has to watch Andrew not eat and not seem affected by it at all. Andrew lessens his exercise under Betsy’s advice and yet nothing changes. His weight stays the same. He probably even loses some thanks to the loss of muscle. Neil watches and Neil hates. He hates that if he skipped out on training he would pack on the pounds, he hates that his stomach hurt and hurts and Andrew doesn’t spare a thought on food at all.

He starts to avoid the roof. He starts to dodge Andrew’s gaze the same way he does his own in the mirror.

The next time they’re alone and Andrew leans in, more hesitant than he’s been in months, Neil jerks back and snaps “No.”

It isn’t even completely because of the resentment. The majority of it is because he feels disgusting and fat and he can’t bare Andrew touching him right now. Can’t bare him looking at him.

Andrew’s face closes off and he slides back to the other side of the couch. He’s searching Neil’s face, trying to find the misstep, trying to find what he did wrong.

Good, let him think he did something wrong.

Now that’s the resentment.

It’s immediately one of the worst things Neil has ever thought. He remembers sitting, trembling, on the roof, Andrew refusing to touch him saying “I wont be like them, I wont let you let me be”

And Neil’s trying to make him think, wants to make him feel -

Jesus Christ. He’s a piece of fucking shit.

He slams his way out of the dorm and runs and runs and runs.

He sleeps in the locker room and slumps out in the morning so he’s first in the main room for the meeting with Wymack. He sits on a chair that’s as far away from every other seat as it can get while still completing the make do semi-circle around where Wymack usually stands. When the others begin to filter in they take in his new seat, but don’t comment when they see his storming expression.

When Andrew sees him he pauses for a beat in the doorway before continuing to his usual seat on the couch. He stares at Neil blankly, but his hands are clenching and unclenching in his lap. Wymack hesitates but doesn’t say anything. The others play at being uninterested and only Aaron openly looks between Neil and Andrew with a steadyingly darkening expression.

Neil slams his locker and gets changed in the cubicles for the first time in months. He’s vicious in practice. Throwing in as many dirty moves as he can. Andrew stands in the goal and does nothing. When it’s only Wymack’s sharp whistle that stops Neil bringing his racket down on Matt’s arm when he attempts to steal the ball, Neil is benched.

He yanks off his helmet and slumps down on the bench and tries to remember how to breathe through rage.

He’s sat, pinching at the skin on his thigh, for ten minutes before Allison joins him. She holds out a breakfast bar and Neil stiffens.

“Eat, it might help you stop being such a raging asshole,” she says.

Neil takes the breakfast bar and when she doesn’t immediately leave he opens it and snaps a bit off with his fingers.

He stares down the rolled oats and nuts and grimaces at the sticky feeling of the syrup that holds them together. He feels sick.

“Are you going to eat?” Allison says.

Neil looks at her and huffs a bitter breath through his nose. A wry smile pulls at the corner of his lips.

He remembers that Allison battled bulimia for years.

You can’t lie to a liar.

She looks at his face. Concern trying to become anger that she’s trying to force to stay concern. She looks at his face and then over at Andrew, who is stood in his goal watching them as Kevin shouts at him to fucking do something already. She looks back at Neil.

“You know, relationships are hard enough without mental health problems in the mix. Seth and I were a terrible combination for many reasons and that was one them. I’m not saying it can’t be done or that it shouldn’t be done, I’m just saying it makes it so much harder. He used to try to make me eat. I hated him for that. Hated that I had to hide my own habits in my own room. One day, after he stopped me from going to purge one too many times we got into an argument. I said some disgusting things to him. The next day he was in the hospital because of an overdose. He had to get his stomach pumped. You know what the worst thing is? I don’t even remember what it is I said. I don’t know if what I did triggered him or if it would have happened anyway, but it couldn’t have helped. You’re always going to trigger each other at one point or another, it’s unavoidable. But if you know that and you don’t do anything to help yourself…well that’s when every shit thing you think about yourself starts to become true. So tell me, are you a piece of shit that’s going to drag everyone down with you, or are you better than that?”

Neil looks down at the breakfast bar. He still can’t make himself eat it.

He swallows harshly against the lump in his throat. He has to swallow two more times until he’s sure he can talk without crying.

“What’s betsy’s number?” He asks.

Allison doesn’t smile, but she nods like he’s done the right thing and pulls out her phone.

SIDE NOTE: I’d like to point out that Neil is very flawed and toxic in his thinking and Allison is harsh in what she says to him just because she’s a harsh person. If you have an eating disorder I know sometimes help and recovery seems like the worst thing in world and something you really don’t want, but please, please seek help. You can do it.

#Neil josten #andrew minyard #Allison Reynolds #the foxhole court #andreil #all for the game #anorexia #eating disorder

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dallonm-archive · 3 years

Text

[image description: a cropped image of a pink sky. on the right hand side is a bunch of darker pink clouds. Just left of the centre is a full moon. In the centre, in a white serif font reads "writing update" /end id]

july writing update

Hi friends! This writing update is me pretending I did Camp Nano and didn't kinda give up a week in! I had a proper goal and everything, but a lot of things got in the way that I'm not gonna talk about here because I already ranted about it in another update I'm drafting rn. Lets just say it's Disability Pride Month and being not neurotypical or able bodied in writing communities and their inherent focus on productivity is Hard.

But I did get some writing done and wanted to do a little Camp wrap up post regardless. And I'm doing it now because I'm cancelling the last week of July for some rest/self care and I do not want to think about writing for that time and if I write a tumblr post about July Nano being over my brain will think it's actually over <3 I will probably do updates like these for most months tho! Depends on how much I write lol! This one is not too long (by my standards) and has some Revelations, Revelations, Life Cycle of Massive Stars, Nocturne for the Holy and a new wip idea 👁️

excerpts under the cut!

general taglist ; ask to be + or - ; i only have one! ; @childhoodlovers @svpphicwrites @abiandwriting @kowlazovdi @avi-why @ryns-ramblings @kitblogsthings @bijouxs @bookphobe @moonhungers @alicewestwater @bookpacking @shaelinwrites @onlyganymede @theelectricfactory @write-like-babs @oceancold @sidhewrites @wolf-oak @oasis-of-you @coffeeandcalligraphy @cecilsstorycorner @howdywrites @keira-is-writing @flip-phones @piyawrites @avakrahn @goose-books @finch-goes-write @ziyin @aphaimaniis @isherwoodj @laughtracksonata

I'm also editing this in to say I only just realised that July is my writeblr birthday month and that is very weird to me! A year and a couple days ago I impulsively turned an old blog into a place to document writing for me and ended up meeting people who now mean the world to me and my writing blossoming in a way I never thought it would. And the funny part is it doesn't feel like it's been a year, ever since I joined it's just felt like life has Always been this way and I cannot fathom that it hasn't. I'm sappy bc it's 4am lol but ultimately the friends I made (you know who you are) and the community I found is what retaught me the value of writing and helped me unlearn toxic ideas and whilst the last year was tough I wish I could tell July 2020 Dallon (who did not realise he was Dallon yet </3) what July 2021 would look like.

revelations, revelations ;

Oh the absolute state of affairs with this book rn. Nothing bad but I don't know when I'm gonna update y'all because sometimes I do not know where to start when talking about this wip lol! Currently on a break with it (but also my thesis work is on late 20th century queer lit/history rn so am ever really free of RR? <3) but had a lot of fun with it at the end of June/start of July. Anyway here's Dorothy finally revealing more of herself to me after a year. Dorothy as a character is like, I truly believe she is capable of killing a man but the story she is in just does not allow that so I am trying to grow her unhinged side a little bit in other ways bc I know she has it in her but I also really cannot deal with the plot repercussions of her actually killing a man! I'm sorry Dotty but this'll have to do!

(cw for groping/a man being creepy as hell, death/funeral mention, drug mention, drowning imagery kinda)

There’s too much to tell Felix. That his sister lives on the fringe of Castro and has attended three funerals since September; that it’s January 11th and she’s already attended one this year. That his sister drives through sunsets and imagines parties: the amber dusk, warm mosaic tiles, platters of Greek salad skewers and shrimp tostadas, and sometimes Jolie joins her and they share a blunt on the hill. That his sister bought an aquamarine body-length dress for six bucks in a thrift store sale bin, so when her and Jolie broke up for the second time, she waltzed into a sunset party, locked arms with a CEO’s son and gave him a fake number and plucked strawberries out of champagne and blended so well nobody noticed when she left. That during the summer of ’83, his sister walked a neighbour’s Golden Retriever on Wednesdays, and on the sixth Wednesday he gave her a wad of tens with one hand and palmed the back of her neck with the other, so she walked his dog to the beach and stole another hundred from his wallet. That his sister bombed an interview for a Nursing school and didn’t get home until night and missed their monthly call, and Jolie heard the phone ring and didn’t take a message, so his sister snuck into the CEO’s son’s villa and floated in the centre of their heated pool like a cloud. A pause, a breath, an Opheliean threat.

life cycle of massive stars ;

Switched to LCOMS this month because I was burnt out with RR and it made such the difference! I really love working on two novels at once because it keeps me consistently creative but also both of these books are so different so its always refreshing to bounce back into one from another. I have a whole update in the drafts rn for this so keeping this part brief but still love this book, still the best thing that has ever happened to me, me and this book will have a glorious summer wedding etc etc. These excerpts are from chapters that summarise the first semester of each character's first year and have to say it. has been Very Fun to get into the mindset of Freshers Melodrama. Here's Junie having a crisis and an unhealthy relationship with her hetero flatmate :( (alcohol cw for both excerpts)

In October you are drinking double espresso and trying to breathe normally in lectures and you are trying to figure out your favourite colour because Fleur asked and you stumbled out an answer (Purple, I think. Violet? Lavender? Indigo?) and it didn’t match hers (I like yellow. I like sunlight). You buy mugs from IKEA to paint you paint cats and fireworks and constellations and moon phases and daisies. You try to scratch paint stains off your desk. You do laundry at 2am. In October you colour code your notes with pastel highlighters. You go to the library at 3am. You paint your nails sunlight and hate it. You finish an essay that’s due in December. You knock on Fleur’s door at 8am so she makes her 9am. You wear off the shoulder tops and you let a girl dab glitter on your collarbones and you are watching Fleur kiss a boy from the neighbouring hall. You bite your sunlight nails. You break the handle off your IKEA constellation mug. You leave your keys in a lecture hall and stand at the reception for forty minutes waiting for them to realise that the keys on the desk have the moon chain you mentioned - or, you are waiting to say it yourself. You are watching the rain trail down your window. In October you get a halo headband tangled in your hair you are sipping a vampire themed cocktail that tastes like acetone you rip your heels off and you go home early and do laundry at 2am and you are waiting for the courage to tell Fleur you don’t like clubbing - or, you are waiting for her to ask where you are. In October you are many things / a good student a dancer a painter an angel a big sister an alarm clock you are nocturnal and a lucid dreamer and confused about your sexuality / and it’s still October but it’s not because it’s November now and you are still Junie but not because you don’t know who Junie is. It’s November, it’s September October November December. It’s 2016 2017 2018 2019. You are fragments and you don’t know if you are a kaleidoscope or shattered glass.

And here's first year Tomas being like I Moved Countries For University And All I Got Was Homesickness And A Crush On My Flatmate And Resurging Autistic Symptoms And This Lousy T Shirt (cw: vomit mention, injection mention, parental death mention)

Kristen is seven months younger and five inches taller than you. He’s the last flatmate you met and the only one you talk to beyond kitchen greetings and passive aggressive texts about dirty dishes. He is too quiet and too loud and not the type of person you befriend. The first night, he lost Ring of Fire and downed the concoction of Echo Falls, Dark Fruits, Jack Daniels and coke, vodka and lemonade alongside a cigarette and said he’d let God figure out the rest. He held your hair back when you threw up amaretto and held onto your knee when you first self-injected testosterone. He taught you Yorkshire dialect and you pretended to understand the Yorkshire dialect. He told you he got diagnosed at four and you told him you didn’t get past the first assessment but sometimes you flick the bathroom light on and it’s fire: the orange on the orange towel is louder, the white on the white tiles are louder, the colours and light and sink and showerhead are prickly and all you can do is blink and breathe until it fizzles out. You reminded him to take his meds and asked if you were weak for wanting to drop out and hop on the first Eurostar to Rotterdam. He reminded you to take off your binder and asked if he was robotic for not grieving his mother. You spent inky nights on the kitchen floor, counting the dead flies in the lights and scooping crumbly coconut ice cream out of a maker you got for half price in TK Maxx. You spent dusk-dusted afternoons at the global street food markets, at the vegan markets. Spent student loans on raspberry lemonade in recycled cups, veggie burgers in beetroot buns, got him hooked on poffertjes and advocaat and could’ve cried when the vendor spoke to you in Dutch. Sometimes you didn’t buy anything. Just liked hovering at stalls ambered with fairy lights, writing down Etsy stores on your notes app; just liked Kristen’s impulse to trek forty minutes into the city for a market he didn’t know existed until five minutes before; just liked how he always invited only you, cancelling your other plans last minute, the feeling of being ambushed; just liked how he stopped to take photos of dogs and the sunset; just liked how he looked haloed under lampposts waiting for Ubers, golden on golden.

This is also nearing creative nonfiction because Sheffield truly is a haven for just. vegan markets and cafes lol! I experimented with veganism there and never struggled to find something and at this point I call myself a fake vegan because it's too easy to be vegan in Sheffield and too difficult to be vegan in my actual hometown. And the global street food markets!!! SO GOOD! I miss pre pandemic days

nocturne for the holy ;

Giving her a little shout out because she does exist actually! I've figured out a really good system for working on two novels at a time, so my plan is maybe to start properly on this after I finish either RR or LCOMS. Idk I got 3 novels to pick from haha oops! I did do some free drafting back in April though and found it recently and I Like It! And I edited it so it counts as Something I Did This Month :) Also have decided that I loathe this working title <3 Okay see you with an update for this novel in like a year, sorry for the absolute zero context for this excerpt hehe

The morning I was due back, I hadn’t yet decided that this would be my last visit. I wandered between rooms like an overstayed guest, like I didn’t know which crockery lived in which cabinet and which bedroom had the best view of the overlapped hills. Dad would wake for his run in an hour, plastered to his twenty-year-old routine. Mum would pretend to be asleep until breakfast. Until then, it was myself and the house, hazed by sleepy sunrise. Downstairs. The peeling paisley wallpaper in the lounge, the lilies in the middle of the kitchen table, the vases of candy floss pink peonies wilting on every windowsill, the desolate double swing-set in the garden. The mist-clogged mornings. I stood outside in my dressing-gown until my fingertips felt numb. Upstairs. The sage coloured bathroom. The bathtub I’d laze in with my clothes on and no water because it was the quietest room in the house. The dusty dance trophies on the top of my wardrobe. Wine-flushed Jeanette in my teenage bedroom. The stale grey mum painted my teenage bedroom after I moved out. Minus their room, I stalked the layout of the house three times before settling back into bed - teenage Nora’s bed. Nora who cared for peonies and pushed her brother on the swing set and flung her ceramic ballerina at the wall and jogged with her father and collected wine bottles and acorns and kisses from girls who were supposed to visit for dance practice. Before I left, I’d have cycled each room another three times. And in every room he was there, hovered in the corner like black mould.

love this update bc it's like i've got my third person, my second person, my first person! collecting all the POVs like chaos emeralds :)

eulogy for our burnings ;

-looks away-

girl help I did it AGAIN!!!! Apparently Camp Nano is just the perfect time for me to get novel ideas. I made this post specifically to talk a bit about this because I have no idea when I'll draft it but it's certainly not soon. This is not me trying to doubt my own skill but I feel like I am not in the place I'd like to be as a writer to tackle this project with the zest it needs, however I am v excited by the prospect of it! Don't know how I feel about the working title bc I'm like "that doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about this wip to dispute it" but the only purpose my working titles serve is to sound pretty lol! But here's the tea:

1991, UK.

2nd person present + past. Very flexible form. I can't decipher how yet but I'm feeling interviews, newspaper articles, receipts, grocery store lists weaved with actual narrative, that kinda vibe.

Best summary is we follow our nameless narrator, a stealth trans man, as he becomes unhealthily obsessed with a man who "hires" him to photograph the buildings he burns

Very,,, isolated? Minimal settings, minimal characters, minimal prose etc. Almost claustrophobic

There's basically only two characters and they are probably the most morally deplorable, indefensible characters I've created which just means most of you are gonna LOVE this /lh I do too I do too

Only comp title I can give is it has the vibes/tone of Boy Parts by Eliza Clark (just with none of the nsfw content lol if you've read the book you know what I'm talking about) (also that book is great for morally deplorable women protagonists but omg look up the content warnings because it caught me off guard! enjoyed it tho gave it 4 stars)

The pinterest board is the best visualisation of the Vibes also follow me on pinterest lol

And that's all I've got today! A bigger Life Cycle of Massive Stars update coming in the next few weeks. Might do a proper intro post for Eulogy For Our Burnings but idk!!! It's a surprise :) Thank you for reading this far!

#also i have LOTS to catch up on so if u tagged me in anything im gonna do a big queue of rb's soon!#promise im not ignoring anybody!#just barely functioning <3 #atlastracking #writing update #revelations revelations #life cycle of massive stars #nocturne for the holy #eulogy for our burnings

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ourloveisforthelovely · 3 years

Text

A Perfect Storm Part 1

Harry Potter Marauders Era- Post Hogwarts

Request: Bad things happen to good people. Regulus is no exception. The only problem now is Regulus doesn't know if he will be able to fix the bad that has happened not only to himself but to you as well. Life may never be the same ever again.

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader

Rating: M- for later chapters and sexual situations.

Song in Chapter: Sky Fall by Adele

_______

“Ambrosia died, did you hear?”

You looked up from the piano that you were playing as Evan flopped down on the sofa nearby. Your older brother looked downright ecstatic to tell you the news that your rival had bitten the dust.

“Hmm.”

You replied. Evan sat up. He expected more “spark” or “pizazz” to come out of your mouth. It was no secret to your older brother that you despised Ambrosia Parkinson with a passion. She literally seemed to exist to make your life miserable. From the time that the two of you were in 1st year, Ambrosia for whatever reason had it out for you. It didn’t matter how often Evan or any of the other boys in Slytherin threatened her, Ambrosia didn’t give up.

“Hmm? Hmm? That is all that you have to say? I tell you that the whore who stole the man that you were in love with kicked the bucket and all you have to say is hmm? Where is my salty sister?”

You smirked. This was a typical Evan/Y/n type conversation. The two of you were the only people in the family that were comfortable with each other enough to speak without thinking to each other. Your mother and father rarely spoke to each other now that both Evan and yourself were adults. If your mother opened her mouth it was to fuss at a servant or throw a fit about something. Your father was so busy working for the dark lord that he was very rarely seen at home.

“Your salty sister is still salty, trust me. You of all people know how I feel...felt about Regulus.”

That was a subject that Evan knew well about. You were supposed to be the girl that Regulus married. The two of you were each other’s first everything until Ambrosia weaseled her way in and probably charmed Regulus with a love spell. That was the best that Evan could come up with. Regulus had been so over the moon in love with you (followed you around like a lovesick puppy, held your hand all the time, walked you to every single class, etc) then all of a sudden he was all over Ambrosia. Maybe Evan was biased but you were so much more beautiful than Ambrosia. You also came from a much better family than Ambrosia. The Rosiers were ten times better than the Parkinsons (at least in Evan’s opinion).

When Regulus left you for the other woman, you were crushed. Evan was furious! It didn’t matter to Evan that Regulus was his best friend. You were his sister and outranked Regulus in Evan’s eyes. It took everything that you, your mother, and your father had to stop Evan from trying to kill Regulus. From that point forward, their friendship was forever to be strained.

“I know very well how you feel about him. Whether you wanted to admit it or not, Y/n, I know that you still love him.”

You rolled your eyes. Evan was right. The fucker was always right about everything (maybe you were thankful for that too). Your brother was the one person that hadn’t let you down and for that, you would be forever grateful.

Standing up from the piano, you didn’t want to think about all of the pain that you had felt since the break up with Regulus. You did everything that you could to forget Regulus but it was hard to forget someone that you had dedicated your whole young life to or who that you loved beyond measure.

Regulus didn’t see the way that your world fell apart or the way that you were screaming in rage when you found out that Ambrosia was pregnant.

The child…

It was Evan that scooped you off of the kitchen floor when you found out that Regulus and Ambrosia were having a child. Now here you stood looking out of the Rosier family manor home wondering just what was going to happen to the child that had to be 5 now.

5 years…

It had been five years since you had seen Regulus. The past five years hadn’t been a complete waste. You had moved to Paris and was now a pretty successful lingerie model (much to your older brother’s embarrassment). If you had married Regulus, as planned, you wouldn’t be having such a successful career. You would be sitting in Grimmauld Place playing the lady of the house once Walburga died.

Walburga was another source of amusement for you. Apparently, she had a royal fit when Regulus ended things with you and went with Ambrosia. The word on the street was that she was yelling so loud that neighbors called the muggle police to investigate a noise complaint. You still giggled at the vision of Walburga Black opening the door and screaming at some poor muggle police officer.

“Y/n, are you hearing me?”

You turned back to your brother, who had finally stood up.

“No, what did you say?”

“I said, you better be ready for Regulus to turn up here to call on you soon.”

You rolled your eyes.

“He would be stupid to do so. If he thinks for one moment that I am going to play mother to his child then he has another thing coming. Regulus Black will have to work really damn hard to get something from Y/n Rosier.”

Evan nodded, appearing pleased with your comment.

“If he does turn up, I want to watch the conversation. The two of you can out-sass each other so well. I thought that I was a sassy bitch but there is now out sassing you two. In all seriousness, I don’t blame you for not wanting to play mother to the little crotch goblin. Regulus even thinking that you will be sitting around waiting for him is almost laughable.”

You sat back down at the piano and smirked at your older brother.

“Crotch goblin? Good one, Evan. You know that I wouldn’t be a good mother. I spend a lot of my time naked how is that healthy for a child? Not very maternal.”

Evan gagged.

“You should feel sorry for me. I can’t look at those magazines anymore.”

“I feel so bad for you.”

You replied in a condescending tone as one of the servants stepped into the room.

“Mr. Rosier, may I speak with you please?”

Evan put the magazine that he was holding down and followed the unnamed servant into the hallway.

“Yes?”

Evan asked, his tone sass as ever. The servant, who had been with the company for years, had to hold back his disapproval for the eldest Rosier child. Evan never bothered to learn everyone’s names nor speak to them unless he had to or needed something.

“Regulus Black is here to see mistress Y/n.”

Evan’s mouth literally dropped.

Damn, that didn’t take him long. Why didn’t I bet on something and earn some money?

Evan thought before reaching out and closing the door to the music room where you sat playing the piano again.

“I’ll speak with him, first.”

The moment Evan stepped into the living room. Regulus was on his feet. Evan had been mentally telling himself to be nice but he opened his mouth and his mother came out.

“It didn’t take you long. Are you here to ask Y/n to marry you so she can take care of your child or are you here to break her heart again? I personally have a problem with both. By the way, you look like hell.”

Regulus fought the urge to throw a hex at Evan. His world was in inner turmoil and he was looking for the one person who made sense in his life...you.

“You don’t look like a rose yourself, Evan. Where is Y/n? I need to talk to her. This is personal.”

Evan crossed his arms over his chest. He was ready to fight if he had to. There was no way in hell that he would let Regulus Black break your heart again. Evan didn’t care if Regulus was his best friend or not.

“Sorry but I am not allowing you to see her. I’m her brother and it's not happening. Shouldn’t you be at home mourning your wife dying not out looking for my sister?”

Regulus’ mouth dropped. In all of his years on the planet, Evan had been the person that had his back. Now here Evan stood looking as if he wanted to rip Regulus’ guts out.

“I know you are mad about Ambrosia but if you knew the truth…”

Evan interrupted before Regulus could finish his sentence.

“What about Ambrosia? The fact that you left my sister for a girl who is named after some god awful nasty fruit salad or the fact that you broke my sister’s heart beyond repair?”

Regulus raised an eyebrow.

“First off, interrupting people is rude. Second, I never loved Ambrosia. Evan, she slipped me a love potion and has been doing it for the past few years.”

Regulus looks confused as hell when Evan began laughing like a maniac. After sitting down and getting his act together, Evan finally looked up.

“I literally just told Y/n that you would claim that.”

Regulus reached into the pocket of his trousers and pulled out a little bottle of Veritaserum. He downed the bottle in front of Evan. His friend only watched him suspiciously as Regulus turned back to him.

“Ask me anything that you want.”

Evan sat up straight and crossed his arms over his chest again.

“We shall start off with something small. What is your name?”

Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Regulus Arcturus Black. Do you really have to waste time by asking stuff that we both know?”

Evan shrugged.

“Decided to start simple. Did Ambrosia really put you under a love potion?”

Regulus nodded.

“Yes, as I told you before, she has been slipping me love potions for the past few years. That is why I broke up with Y/n. When Ambrosia died, I woke up. I wouldn’t lie to you, Evan. I think that you know me well enough to know that when it comes to Y/n...I would never lie.”

Evan’s typically stuck-up and cold demeanor changed to shock as his mouth dropped. It was exactly what he suspected and here was Regulus telling him the truth. These past few years, everything that you had gone through, was no fault of Regulus’. It was all that horrible bitch’s fault.

I hope she is burning in hell.

Evan thought coldly before looking up.

“God damn it.”

Evan choked out as Regulus sat back down.

“Tell me about it. I woke up with a dead wife that I didn’t want and a child. Mum explained that I left Y/n and I lost it. I think that I made every glass object in the house explode. You have to believe me, Evan, I would never hurt Y/n...especially like this. How is she?”

Evan stood up and moved to pour a glass of brandy for both Regulus and himself. This conversation was going to take a lot of booze. He placed the drink in Regulus’ trembling hand.

“She’s had a hard time, Reg. Y/n has had a very hard time. She was crushed when you married Ambrosia...even worse when the kid was born.”

Regulus put his face in his hands, clearly ashamed of everything that he had done. He had hurt the one person that he vowed to never let down.

“Has she married someone else?”

Regulus asked, his voice trembling. Evan, for a moment, wondered if Regulus was going to burst into tears.

“No. She still loves you. She’s a model now.”

Regulus finally looked up. That bit of information didn’t surprise him. You were beautiful. Why wouldn’t someone want you to model their clothes?

It sounded like you were making it just fine without him which made Regulus wonder if he should just back off and let you live your life? Why would you want him now? He wasn’t the person that he used to be. Regulus had baggage now. He felt guilty thinking about his daughter as baggage. Whether he knew her or not, Regulus already adored his daughter. Phoebe had nothing to do with her mother’s insane horrible plan to ensnare her father. Regulus couldn’t hold that against the child.

Evan, meanwhile, had stood up and went in search of one of the magazines that you were in. Picking one up, he didn’t dare look inside. Knowing that his sister was a lingerie model was enough to make the older brother inside of Evan seethe. He hated all of the horny hyped-up on Viagra shitheads that had to be looking at your body now.

“Thanks to you, Ambrosia, and that damned love potion I can’t look at a lingerie magazine anymore without seeing my half-naked sister or her bare ass.”

Regulus frowned as he snatched the magazine away from Evan. What the fuck was he talking about? Regulus thumbed through the magazine realizing it was for lingerie. His mouth dropped the moment that he came across your photo. You lay before him dressed in an emerald green bustier with a matching garter belt and thong.

“She….does this for a living?”

Regulus gasped. This was stuff that you were only supposed to wear for him. The knowledge that other men and women too were seeing you dressed like this; the jealous lover in Regulus began to fume. He was livid!

Evan nodded.

“Again, I can’t look at lingerie ads the same anymore.”

Regulus ran a hand through his hair before jumping up.

“You poor baby! Where is Y/n? I have to talk to Y/n before she starts taking all of her clothes off.”

Evan winced.

“Don’t turn to page 75 then. That’s the see-through section.”

Regulus’ scowl intensified leaving Evan wondering if he was actually in danger? Before Evan could grab the magazine, Regulus turned to page 75 and blushed.

“Oh, bloody hell!”

Evan reached out and grabbed his friend’s wrist.

“Let me just take you to, Y/n.”

Regulus followed Evan up the stairs and to the music room, where you had not left the piano. What Regulus was going to say? How he was going to talk rationally without thinking of the magazine was beyond him. Just thinking of how you looked in the magazine was giving Regulus the beginnings of an erection.

Holy fucking damn, has it really been five years since I have been with Y/n? Damn it.

Regulus thought miserably as the soothing sound of your singing caught his attention. Normally your voice was everything that he needed to calm down. Today, he wasn’t so sure that would even help him….

Where you go, I go. What you see, I see. I know I'd never be me. Without the security. Of your loving arms. Keeping me from harm. Put your hand in my hand. And we'll stand. Let the sky fall. When it crumbles. We will stand tall. Face it all together

Regulus sighed...

"It will probably be a cold day in hell before any of that happens."

___________

@amelie-black @regulusslut @truly-insatiable @fandomsxxregulus @realgaytrash @lucasfilms77 @exhsle @quuenofblacks @hazncalsgal @teletubiswszpilkach @mimisparkle12 @fific7 @acciosiriusblack @jessyballet @knreidy1 @bennyberry @rubyroscoe1 @criminalyetminimal @whymyparentscheckmyphone @spiderxalmighty @brokencasbutt67-writer @authoressskr @fandom-trash-worth-it @hankypranky @summer-novak @emiwrites3reads @shaylybaby2032 @marichromatic @stuckinsaudi1 @shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @knight-of-gleefulness @untoldshortsofthefandoms @sprnaturallover @deanwherescas @shitfaceddaniel @wontlookaway @mycuddlycorner

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the-iceni-bitch · 1 year

Text

On the Tip of My Tongue

Kinkmas Day 9: Dirty Talk

Relationship: Andy Barber x TJ Hammond (jawbreaker and sugar, NLLYL)

Words: ~1k

Summary: Andy really is going to be the death of TJ.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (all just dirty talk, but it’s nasty, salad tossing, unprotected anal sex, feminization, bimbofication, multiple orgasms, anal cream pie, big ass daddy kink), age gap (not mentioned but present), ANDY’S MOUTH, baby TJ being all flustered and cute, mentions of waxing, lingerie, SMUT!! 18+ ONLY!!

A/N: Andy is going to kill ALL OF US, holy fucking shit.

I am no longer doing taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all the latest filth, follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications!

TJ was shaking. He could hear the ice in his drink tinkling against the glass when he brought it to his lips as he struggled to get himself under control.

But he couldn’t, and it was all Andy’s fault.

“God you smell so fucking good.” TJ tried his best not to whimper when Andy growled in his ear again, the feeling of the older man’s arm sliding around his waist and squeezing making his knees weak as he just looked at the bottom of his soda glass. “Like sex and vanilla. I bet that boy pussy smells even better, wanna suffocate myself in it while I make you squeal, sugar.”

He was sure he was going to start sobbing and begging Andy to fuck him if this kept up, fuck the fact that they were surrounded by Andy’s partners and clients at the firm’s holiday party, TJ’s prick had been hard for the past half hour and it didn’t seem like that was going to change anytime soon.

Maybe he should have waited to show Andy his surprise until after they got back to his house, but he wanted to tease his Daddy. How was he supposed to know that telling Andy he’d gotten everything waxed and given him a little peek at the dark green panties he was wearing would turn him into… this? Damn Johnny for telling him to be more forward, as soon as he saw that asshole here he was going to smack him, or kiss him, he couldn’t decide.

“Know that cunt is so goddamn soft and warm now, I wanna make it wet.” Andy was so worked up TJ was sure he was only seconds away from actually ripping the well-tailored suit right off his body and eating him out with an audience. “Make a fucking feast out of that pretty pink hole. Are you extra sensitive, sugar? Are those soft little panties making that pretty prick of yours leak for your Daddy?”

They were, all TJ could do was nod as he blushed up to his ears, batting his eyelashes like a little coquette as he gazed at Andy and not helping the situation at all. He couldn’t look at the man for long though, the intensity in his eyes making his gut burn and his head swim as he fought the urge to bare his throat and whine.

“So fucking pink and sweet for your Daddy.” TJ could feel Andy’s smile against his cheek when he choked on a whimper, trying not to openly pant when he felt teeth scraping against the shell of his ear while he picked out a spot on the wall to stare at. “Poor little thing. And I would’ve made you feel so good, baby boy, would’ve taken my time kissing and licking that pretty, smooth little pussy until it opened up for Daddy before I fucked you nice and slow. But you had to be mean and tease your Daddy.”

Oh no…

“Daddy was gonna be so nice, sugar, was gonna give you just one before we left, was gonna make sure you felt it in your toes and got all syrupy sweet for me since you had to be on my arm all night.” Andy took a sip of his bourbon and smiled when TJ let out a pathetic hiccup, nuzzling against the younger man’s temple and purring as he kept detailing exactly what he was going to do to him. “You made me wait, though, and fuck, baby, I’m gonna wreck that boy cunt.”

TJ was sure everyone saw him jump when Andy bit his ear and slid his hand down to grab his ass, barely swallowing his squeal when Andy’s fingers slipped even lower until they were teasing along his taint over his trousers. Someone was going to see them, or hear the way TJ was practically keening each time he breathed. Andy was being so brazen, and as embarrassed as TJ knew he should be, all he could feel was warm and aroused and achy in his core.

“I’m gonna eat that pussy like a fucking buffet, gonna make that smooth, pretty cunt so fucking wet and messy it makes a stain on my damn sheets.” Andy was so close, TJ felt like he was suffocating in the man, like he was about to be shoved up against a wall and have every single breath stolen from his lungs. “Want it all slick and swollen for Daddy’s dick, it’s gonna look so pretty swallowing my cock whole, gonna feel so fucking good when I dig into that sweet spot until my balls are nestled right up against that soft skin. Then I’m gonna fuck you, look at me.”

Andy was gentle when he gripped TJ’s chin and tilted his face up to his, but the look in his eyes was absolutely feral. It made TJ start vibrating as his entire body drew tight with anticipation, his breath shallow and warm against Andy’s lips while he looked at him stupidly.

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard, sugar.” He wasn’t sure if it was just the anxiety of the situation, but Andy had never seemed bigger than he did right now, and it had TJ swooning. “Gonna make that pussy squirt, you’re gonna come so hard. And I’m not gonna stop, your tight little cunt is gonna come on Daddy’s dick so many times you won’t be able to walk, I’m gonna ruin you, gonna use that sweet body of yours however I want until you’re jelly. You aren’t even gonna be able to hold on all the cum I’m going to pump into that pussy. You feel how fucking full I am for you, sugar?”

Andy groaned as he grabbed TJ’s hand and pressed it against his bulge, the way his baby gasped when he dragged his palm down until he was cupping his balls making him barely hang onto his composure as he smashed their lips together. TJ couldn’t handle it, he was done, if Andy didn’t do everything he had just detailed within the next ten minutes he was going to explode.

“Daddy…”

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organic-guacamole · 3 years

Text

showtime

episode 211 let's go

ok first of all, this is the second to last episode guys... I don't even wanna think about how much pain I'll be in after next week's episode

mr mazzara doing the recap-

this is so weird to me and I don't know why

WHY DIDN'T YALL JUST ASK BENJAMIN FOR HELP, THATS LITERALLY HIS THING

is Nini giving out the cards a callback to season 1 when Natalie Bagley said that Nini gave her a card or something on opening night of another musical?

STEPHY AS THE ENCHANTRESS OMG YES

Ricky in the crown gives me Harry styles in that photoshoot vibes

he's so pretty.

ok but why did we never see Ricky and Ashlyn interact before? it's been like 5 seconds and I already love how they bounce off each other and it's just so natural

OH THEY REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY UNDERSTUDIES-

well that explains a lot...

so Ricky fell on top of Ashlyn and all that broke for both of them was their wrist-

insert Jake Peralta *coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool no doubt no doubt no doubt*

of course howie was amazing as the beast, were we expecting anything less??

Ricky is so beautiful and I will not shut up about it....

let me enjoy this before the makeup crew slaps mud on his face.

Nini and Ricky talking to eachother? in a civil manner? wasn't she avoiding him just in the last episode? hm ok

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY CANT EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS JUST LIKE ME HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS, WHATS NEXT? THEY CUT EVERYONE OFF CUZ THEY CANT HANDLE EMOTIONS? ...ha

yes Kaden and Rico, my favourite east high boys 🥰

I mean....where's EJ?

THERE HE IS

EJ AND GINA IN THE BACKGROUND... doing something idek

KOURTNEY'S MOM IS BACK YAY

Howie is a shining star, ofc ofc

the smallest fOrk

can't wait to see the fork burst into song about how she deserves more than to be used to eat salad😌

the duster and the bluster.... ok😃

hi Gina!

hi- oh wow I didn't know Robbie Rotten was in this show!!!!!

the portwell look.

that my friends, is a married couple's look✋

GOSH EJ WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU

aww Gina's so excited for this

D word?

Die?

Delicious?

Dom Toretto?

"good, clean fun all alone with someone I dig...a lot"

sir that does not sound very clean to me

SEBLOS

Seb looks so cute standing there next to pope Carlos

DID THEYEY REALLY LIGHT ANTOINE ON FIRE-

I NEED TO SEE THAT

Seb's reading Carlos better than big red read the script in episode 102, this is great development after the "fight"

Kourtney really just made the best outfit for herself and let the rest of them suffer

the way Gina immediately goes to hold on to EJ after the announcement

"tonight we're going to put the U in UTAH"

...

"hey where are you from?"

"TAH"

SEB'S SINGULAR CLAP KILLED ME-

he's officially salt lake city's resident thanos

just wity clapping because for some reason I have a feeling he doesn't know how to snap his fingers...don't ask why

Ms Jenn do you mind encouraging your leads before the show? idk just an idea

pepto bismol product placement smhsmh

those flowers are bigger that big red himself-

*bops along to the opening theme*

that whistle at the end slaps everytime

WHY IS THE AUDIENCE SO MASSIVE

I guess they're all here to see Ms Jenn go on as a fork after Nini decides to *go her own way*

wow i am so funny

so they couldn't do many group scenes cuz of covid, but this 300 person crowd is cool? nice

OO THE VIOLIN GIRL FROM EPISODE 6 IS IN THE ORCHESTRA

HOWIEEEEEE

"Mr Caswell", he said, in the loudest voice possible while backstage at a show that's about to start.

Mazzara what are you trying to pull-

I usually like Benjamin but I don't like his tone

"iS yOuR wHoLe FaMiLy HeRe?" LIKE YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW THATS A SOFT SPOT FOR EJ

"we've had some good conversations these past few weeks"

right so what's going to happen after you graduate?

what does he think of you not going to Duke?

what did he say about you giving the sweatshirt that's been in the family for 3 generations to a girl you're not even dating?

good old Mr. M

therapist Mr. Mazzara, they all need it.

start with Ricky though.

"Michael Bowen"

dude why did you shave, now you look less like "hot lumberjack" and more "creep at the gas station"

OH-

does she not like Mike anymore?

why does it sound like jennzzara started dating and now they just sit back and talk smack about everyone in their freetime

break the fourth wall-

uhhhh im scared

why am I scared

he's scary

hehe flowers for Ricky, obviously for Ricky, ObViOuSLY

oh boy poor Michael

this man is in love, rip

why does Ms Jenn always look at people with her eyes open so wide

LILYYYY

I'm only excited because I really like the idea of lily and Ricky being friends, nothing more.

ha this guy's got jokes

a MOAT AROUND THE SCHOOL

wheeze

also he's very pretty.

"the wolves and very talented humans"

how dare he forget to mention the very talented wolves and normal humans, smh erasure

"being nice, what a concept" ted talk by Lily who still doesn't have a last name

did she just say lol out loud

same with the hug emoji last episode-

go touch some grass babes

the way he didn't say no, but said he didn't know how the east high kids would react-

not saying he does want to date her but that's an interesting thing to think about, also another thing to write an essay analysis on just to leave it in my drafts for a few months

awww lily genuinely trying to help him

sorry guys, I've been taken by the Lily charm (didn't know it existed until now but oh well)

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I'LL NEVER SHIP PORTWELL?

just look at me now

the Lily wink I can't she's so cute-

HELP ME I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY LIL-

David Attenborough?

oh nvm it's Benjamin narrating the show in a really weird British accent for some reason.

STEPHY GOT MORE LINES YAY GOOD FOR HER

also is this to show that Nini doesn't care about being the star of the show anymore? the way she's supporting everyone else even though she's a fork?

I would pay for a special of the full musical ngl

OOO THE TRANSFORMATION WAS SMOOTH

shockingly

yo where did the makeup come from

man I wish I was a theatre kid

THIS IS STEPHY'S EPISODE NOW IDC✋

my girl is starring

"needs an X-factor"

Simon Cowbell creeps in

"it's a yes from me"

and them boom, he takes Nini and mistreats her horribly and then she comes back to theatre after deciding music isn't for her👍

"I thought she just hog-tied him?"

don't ask sebby, it's better if you don't know.

imagine they spotlight the wrong person and this dude is just some random person that likes writing down stuff during shows.

Ms Jenn just let them do what they rehearsed (at some point we never saw) or else this is gonna end horribly wrong

"help"

same Carlos, same

I love how seb is just his translator rn

I thought he said "great displeasure" instead of "greatest pleasure"....help?

big red coming out from throwing up to see his girlfriend star is the cutest thing in this show.

Ash and Gina dancing is so fun

I'm imagining them practicing at night at their home, watching the movie for the 100th time and making sure their one dance together is perfect

KOURTNEY YES

HOWIE IS IN LOVE AHHHH

I LOVE HOWIE SO MUCH

SEBBY

THIS SCENE HAS SO MUCH GOING ON I CAN'T KEEP UP

THIS IS SO GOOD

HOW???

no because I'm actually crying

I'm dead serious.

we need this musical released as a special

big red is so proud and I love to see it

Natalie: "if you do not by at least 20 dollars in concessions, you do not support art"

rando in the audience: "but I pay for ad free Spotify"

Mr Mazzara clapping in the distance

Gigi, the guy you like is talking to you, complimenting you and hyping you up

YOU LUCKY LITTLE FEATHER DUSTER

aw EJ teasing her about the chocolates in a way that doesn't make her feel bad? take notes Richard

JORDAN FISHER

there is no rest of the show idc Jordan is it for me

THE WIG CAP ON RICKY OMG

they look like they're high and having "deep" conversations on the floor

THE MEAN GIRL WITH THE EYES-

@sunshine-julie-molina YOU HEAR THAT

Natalie really just be coming for them all

Howie what is happening rn

I'm scared

"did you enjoy it"

"very much"

dude wants a kiss so bad

ASHLYN OMG

NO DON'T DO IT BECAUSE OF LILY, PUT YOUR OWN TWIST ON IT

I want a Jordan autograph please

just keep swim- oh pushing...

Gina is literally a giant next to him and I live for it

am I about to cry for the 3rd time in this episode?

yes.

Ricky's leg kicks under the table makes me so happy aw

the portwell glances will kill me.

ah yes, mashed potato snow

Mr. M.... I'm not a theatre kid but even I know you can't have your phone on backstage.

Howie please just do it

CHIP'S BIG LINE I CANT

I LITERALLY HAD TO PAUSE IT AMD SCREAM INTO MY MASK FOR A SOLID 2 MINUTES (I'm not at home rn) HES SO CUTE

oh ok bye Jordan

oo tea

NOT HIM BEING STARSTRUCK BECAUSE HE'S MEETING HIS FUTURE BROTHER IN LAW-

"we're all just glad Gigi has a big brother figure in her life"

excuse me for a few thousand hours while I laugh hysterically

THE CAMERA ZOOM ON EJS FACE AND EVERYTHING-

STOP EJ LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA CRY BUT I CAN'T TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY WITH THE STAGE MAKE-UP

someone else said this already but I think it's hilarious that they had to bring in 2 guest characters to create some portwell angst

omg this really is Cici's episode, found family is their thing

elevator music lol

I'm gonna bet that big red took the harness for his surprise for Ashlyn without realising what it was

did Ms. Jenn just....tell her most mentally unstable student....to commit suicide....on a disney show...was that....I'm very....well....what the actual-

oh and there she goes running off instead of trying to make it right

oh wow Nini's the hero, she's gonna save the show 🤩

😐

the judge is doing a sudoku

honestly if I went to the hsm show as well, I'd come prepared for this one too

Lily why are you looking like that-

I WAS JUST STARTING TO LIKE YOU DON'T MESS THIS UP

wow ok, there goes that.

omg

what if Howie was acting weird because he knew what Lily did and wanted to tell Kourtbut Lily threatened him so he was scared to-

anyways see y'all clowns next week when we all simultaneously lose all motivation for the week without Fridays to look forward to.

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts s2 #hsmtmts season 2 #hsmtmts spoilers #ej caswell #gina porter #ricky bowen #nini salazar roberts #seb mathew smith #carlos rodriguez #big red #ashlyn caswell #kourtney greene #howie my pizza king #lily hsmtmts

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justthehiddleswrites · 3 years

Text

Follow My Lead | Tom Hiddleston x OFC (Vivian Swann) | Chapter 5 | I bet you look so pretty when you beg.

A/N: This will update every Thursday. There are 13 chapters. There are all sorts of kinds of D/s relationships. This is the one I choose to write this time.

MASTERLIST HERE

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x OFC (Vivian Swann)

Summary: Tom and Vivian have both been unlucky in love, searching for something outside of the bounds of a typical relationship. When the two of them connect via a dating app, Tom is introduced to the idea of being submissive to Vivian. Which is the one thing he never knew he needed. Under the firm hand of Vivian, Tom learns what it means to submit and Vivian learns what it means to be in a loving dominant relationship. But not everyone seems to understand what they have and the best intentions can destroy the strongest relationship.

This Chapter: Sophie and Vivian bond over shopping and Tom and Vivian finally have sex. But not before a little denial.

Warnings for story: Dominant/submissive relationship (sub!Tom), lots of smut including but not limited to: vaginal sex, oral sex (male and female receiving), edging, denial, teasing, use of restraints, spanking, multiple orgasm, anal play, use of toys.

Tag Lists Are Open! Let me know if you want to be added. Thank you for reading!

Vivian tossed on a pair of jeans and a blouse for lunch at Tom’s and then shopping with Sophie. She read and reread Tom’s essay that night. She may have even teared up a bit. Not that she would admit that to Tom just yet. Vivian eschewed heels that day, opting for a driving mocassin.

She texted Tom when she was already halfway to his house, knowing he was already pacing the length of his living room. His nervous energy reminded her of an overexcited puppy. So sweet and endearing. And that smile, that damn smile, melted Vivian’s heart in a way she never felt before.

“Come in.” Tom opened the door wide with a smile.

Tom wore a pair of beat up shorts, t-shirt and trainers. Vivian could see his abs through the thin fabric. She wanted nothing more than to rip off that shirt and lick them. But there was much to discuss. She grabbed the back of his head and kissed him, tongues exploring. They parted.

“God, I love kissing you, sunshine.” she commented, licking her lips.

“I love kissing you, too, ma’am.” Tom whispered back. He hoped for more, but Vivian stepped into the kitchen and sat down, gesturing for Tom to sit next to her. He sat, hands folded in front of him.

“So…” he started.

Vivian slid a folded piece of paper over towards Tom. He unfolded it. It was his essay. Vivian had underlined and circled portions of his writing.

“My essay?”

“Did you mean it?”

“Every word, ma’am.” Tom responded. He stared at her.

“You realize what you are wanting? You realize what it would mean?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Tom exhaled. “I have thought about it long before I even met you. To be honest, I think I have subconsciously been seeking this out in my relationships. Seeking out strong and independent women. And it ended in disaster. I think they assumed I would take control, ‘be the man’, make the decisions. I make decisions all day at my job. I play the role of the one in control. But what I want, what I need is surrender. To be strong by giving my control away. To trust someone with my heart and my life.”

“On a daily basis? To give total control to me? It’s okay if you don’t, we can play, keep things casual. It’s not unusual for submissive men to think they want this and then get intimidated or scared.”

“I won’t know if I don’t try. But what I can say is that I have never felt as happy and comfortable than I am with you.” Tom smirked. “Tied up to your bed in my underwear. Give me the chance.”

Vivian chewed on her lip. Tom never looked more like a puppy than he did in that moment. His short golden hair rumpled as though he had run his hands through it waiting for her. His blue eyes wide, hopeful, and on the precipice of spilling tears.

“You know you won’t always get what you want?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“That I will say no to you?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And you need to do as I say?”

“Of course, ma’am.”

Vivian smiled and pulled Tom over to her lap, smoothing his hair. He nuzzled into her neck, inhaling the scent of woodsy perfume. “Then we will do this, sunshine. If at any point you want to stop, tell me.”

“Yes, ma’am.” he muttered into her neck, his breath hot on the skin.

She lifted his head and kissed him tenderly. “Good boy.” She cupped his face. “My beautiful good boy.”

Tom glowed.

They stood and Vivian pulled out an envelope and handed it to Tom. It contained a list of various kinks and sexual acts with boxes for Tom to mark “yes”, “soft no” and “hard no.” “Fill this out and give it back to me today after I return from shopping.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“We will continue with the 9 p.m. phone call. I am busy this week so I won’t be able to meet until the weekend.”

Tom nodded, disappointed but understanding. He had a few meetings himself. “Yes, ma’am.” He fidgeted in his seat.

“The next time we get together, we will have sex.” She reached out to stroke Tom’s arm. He shivered. “Until then, no more masturbating.”

“Yes… what?” Tom’s brow furrowed.

She smirked. “No jerking off, no orgasms, no touching yourself, sunshine.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He shuffled his feet. That was going to be a difficult task to accomplish.

“And you are to take a photo of your cock, either in your underwear or pajamas in the morning, and send it to me.”

Tom’s mouth dropped open. His cheeks reddened. He stared at the floor. “Yes… yes ma’am.” he stuttered.

Vivian pulled him into a sweet kiss, her hand petting the back of his hand. “Don’t be embarrassed, sunshine. These photos will never see the light of day and I will delete them after I view them.”

He exhaled sharply. “Thank you, ma’am.”

“Now let’s eat.”

Tom rushed to the kitchen and grabbed the salad and sandwiches he made earlier from the fridge. He set them down on the table and then returned with a glass of water for both of them. Tom sat and waited for Vivian to eat before taking a bite.

“Did you make the sandwich?” She asked.

Tom finished chewing before answering. “Yes, ma’am.”

“It’s delicious. Perfect lunch for a warm day. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Can I ask a question?”

“Of course.” Vivian smiled.

Tom chewed on his lip. “Do you think I am ‘less of a man’ for wanting this?”

“Quite the contrary, sunshine. I find it strong, not to mention sexy that you are willing to give power to me. Your masculinity is not contingent on being in charge, on being the boss of the relationship. It is about mutual trust and respect.” Tom nodded but said nothing. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You have been in several high profile relationships or rumoured relationships. And you have commented more than once that they ended in disaster. What happened?”

“That’s not just a question, but the question. I guess what happened was the same thing that happened in all failed relationships. We wanted different things.”

“What did they want?”

“They wanted the guy on the screen. The Jonathan Pine, the Loki. The man who shoves you against a wall and fucks you senseless. The man who pushes her to her knees and has her suck my cock. The one who calls the shots. The alpha male. It’s exhausting. Eventually there would be friction and then argument. I could never articulate properly what I wanted. And then they left. Sometimes loudly, sometimes with an apology. But they left.” Tom sniffled.

She caressed his cheek. “They didn’t deserve you, sunshine.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” He sniffed again and then cleared the plate. He checked the time. “I am due at Benedict’s.”

“Drive me, please. I am meeting Sophie there.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Tom gathered his keys, wallet and phone and led Vivian to his car. He opened her door before getting in himself. She scratched the nape of his neck. “Have I told you what a perfect gentleman you are?”

“No, ma’am.”

“You are. So polite and kind and generous. I can’t wait to make you beg for me to let you come.”

Tom jerked the car forward. “Yes, ma’am.”

She twirled his hair between her fingers, she noticed Tom’s shorts tenting. Vivian waited for the stoplight before continuing. “I bet you look so pretty when you beg. My pretty little sunshine.”

Beads of sweat popped out on Tom’s temples. “Yes. ma’am.” He didn’t know how else to respond. All the blood was rushing somewhere other than his brain.

“I guess we will see.” she mused before squeezing the back of his neck and then fiddling with the radio.

It took the rest of the drive for Tom to get his body back under control. He wiped the sweat from his brow as he rounded around the car to open Vivian’s door. Vivian knocked on the door, her hand on the small of Tom’s back. Sophie answered.

“You two came together!” She pulled Vivian into a hug. “And you are at a reasonable height!”

Vivian laughed. “I wore my shopping shoes.” She wiggled her feet.

“Smart woman.” Benedict poked his head around Sophie. She turned and kissed his cheek and rubbed his shoulder. “And the two of you are actually going to tear down that shed and not sit around and drink beer?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Benedict teased. She rubbed his shoulder. Tom stiffened at Ben’s words, but Vivian rubbed his neck and he relaxed.

“Have a good time, darling.” She kissed Tom’s cheek. “Sophie, shall we?”

The two women linked arms and stepped out. Tom’s eyes lingered on Vivian as she and Sophie laughed.

“Should I be worried, mate?” He asked Benedict, who handed him a hammer.

“Two strong independent women, one of whom knows several secrets about both of us? Yes, you should.”

Tom paled.

“You should buy it.” Vivian urged Sophie, who was holding up a gorgeous dress.

“But where would I wear it?”

“Red carpet. A gala. Around the house. Who cares?”

“Around the house?”

Vivian smirked. “Are you saying that your husband wouldn’t want to see you in that dress?”

Sophie eyed the short hemline and low neckline. “Good point, but…”

“If you don’t buy it, I will.” Vivian grabbed for the dress, but Sophie snatched it back.

“Find your own dress!” she giggled.

“Not a problem.” Vivian held up her other arm, ladened with clothes.

Vivian laughed more in the few hours with Sophie than she had in a long time. She had few female friends outside of Ashley, who was busy in starting up her own small boutique firm. Sophie was a delight, sharing stories about Tom and Benedict.

“Did he really streak into the pool?” Vivian asked.

Sophie nodded her head. “Both of them. Although I am certain copious amounts of alcohol bolstered their boldness. You have a bit of an exhibitionist on your hands.”

Vivian blushed. “I can’t say I blame him. Which reminds me…”

She wandered over to the men’s section of the store. Vivian selected a couple of t-shirts for Tom, in shades of blue and maroon. The cotton brushed and soft against her skin and the vee of the neckline cut deep. She also picked up a few pairs of black boxer briefs with bright contrasting elastic bands on the inside. They weren’t Calvin Klein, but Vivian was certain Tom would be delicious in them.

“Already buying Tom’s clothes? The two of you are progressing quickly.”

Vivian smiled, not wanting to betray Tom’s privacy, not even to Sophie. “He mentioned needing some new things. I thought I would help him out.” She shrugged. Not a complete lie. After all, she had made Tom throw out some portion of his underwear.

“Those are cute. I’m grabbing a pair for Ben.” Sophie snagged the underwear.

After they gave the boys enough time to tear down the shed, accounting for the time they would take talking and standing about. They found the two of them sitting on the couch, looking quite pleased with themselves, drinking a beer.

Vivian settled onto Tom’s lap while Sophie sat on the arm next to Ben. She wiggled her ass against Tom’s crotch and he shifted underneath her, pulling her tight against him, nuzzling into her neck. She grabbed the beer from his hand.

“No alcohol for you.” She took a sip. “You are driving.”

“Yes, darling.”

Sophie sighed and smacked Ben’s arm. “Why can’t you be romantic like that?”

“Because I’m married.” Benedict joked.

Sophie threw daggers with her eyes. Benedict grabbed her by the waist and pulled her down. “Ah!!” she screamed as Tom and Vivian giggled.

“How is this for romantic?” Benedict kissed her dramatically.

Sophie righted herself. “Sorry you two had to see that.” She playfully elbowed Benedict. “Sometimes he needs to know who’s the boss.”

“No apologies.” Vivian continued to rub Tom’s neck. “Sometimes you just need to establish your dominance.”

“You’re not going to back me up, mate?” Ben yelled, looking to Tom for support

“It’s okay, sunshine.” Vivian whispered so only Tom could hear, before kissing behind his ear.

“Of course, Ben.” Tom straightened up. “I think… all relationships should be based on mutual respect and trust.” His face breaking out into a smug grin.

“Good answer.” Vivian praised, smoothing down his hair.

“I agree.” Sophie piped in.

“Boo.” Benedict pouted with a smile.

“Would you two like to stay for dinner?” Sophie offered.

Tom looked to Vivian to answer. “I have a big week at work, unfortunately, so I must be headed home.” she stated. “Another time, though?”

Sophie and Ben nodded. Vivian stood and Tom tugged at his shorts to hide any potential arousal. “I’ll drive you home, darling.”

“Thank you.”

Vivian gathered up her bags, and they said goodbyes, Sophie promising to text Vivian later in the week. Tom drove away.

“That went well.” Vivian hummed. Tom didn’t say anything. “You did so well.”

The praise softened his mood. “Thank you. I wasn’t sure how to…”

“You did beautifully, my sunshine.” She ruffled his hair. “I will never embarrass you in front of others. Unless you ask me to.” Vivian wiggled her eyebrows.

“Thank you.” He smiled at her.

Tom walked Vivian all the way to her front door. She pulled him in for a kiss, dropping her bags on the floor to grab his ass, pinching lightly. Tom jumped.

“You do have a beautiful ass.” she purred, pulling away and grabbing one of the bags. “Here. For you.” She placed it into Tom’s hands.

“You bought me something?” His eyes wide with surprise. He pulled out some shirts and underwear. “You bought me underwear?!”

She ran her hand up his thigh before swatting his ass. “I expect to see those in my photo tomorrow morning, sunshine.” She kissed his cheek. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Tom woke up in the morning on Monday, painfully hard. He touched the tip of his cock through his underwear, wishing he could jerk off. Tom grabbed his phone and snapped a photo so he could hop into a cold shower. Once he stepped out of the shower, he found Vivian’s text.

Oh my, sunshine. That looks painful. I can’t wait to feel you inside me.

Tom groaned and dug his nails into his thigh. It was going to be a long week.

Vivian enjoyed herself a bit too much that week, teasing Tom. But Thursday, Tom’s cock was leaking cum, soaking through his underwear. Vivian would text Tom each time praising him for sending the photo and then letting him know how much she was looking forward to fucking him. And indeed she was. So much so that she moved it up from Saturday to Friday.

She texted him early that morning even before he woke and sent his daily picture.

6 p.m. my place. Wear one of your new shirts and boxer briefs. Bring condoms and a change of clothes. You’re spending the night.

Tom snapped his photo and sent it before seeing Vivian’s text. He fisted the sheets as he read. He rolled onto his stomach, biting his pillow. The pressure of the mattress was comforting on his erection. He rolled his hips and felt some relief. He repeated the action three more times before stopping, not trusting himself to not cum.

The day was blurry and fuzzy on the edges for Tom. He could not concentrate on much more than the TV running in the background. While Vivian plowed through her to-do list at work, reaching a settlement for one of the firm’s biggest clients. She gave herself the rest of the afternoon off. Vivian hurried home to prepare.

She chilled a bottle of white wine in the fridge and pulled two glasses onto the counter. She grabbed a few bottles of water and some chocolate bars and granola bars to place on the nightstand before pulling out just the wrist cuffs. The bed linens were crisp white, and the straps prepared. She slipped into a simple black bra and panties before slipping on a dress, no shoes. Fifteen minutes before six and five minutes before Vivian expected Tom, she poured two glasses of wine, sipping from one. As predicted, five minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

“Sunshine.” she sighed as she opened the door.

Tom’s pupils were already large, and he fidgeted. He carried a small leather bag containing his clothes.

She pulled him into a deep kiss. Tom moaned against her mouth as she tugged on his hair.

“Put your bag in the bedroom. Condoms on the nightstand, please.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He hustled off to the bedroom while she grabbed the wrist cuffs with one finger.

Tom returned and his eyes went straight to the cuffs. He held out his wrists without having to be asked. “Good boy, sunshine.” She buckled them on. “Are they too tight?”

Tom twisted his wrists to test them out. “No, ma’am.”

She kissed his lips lightly and pressed her body against his, his cock already hard. “Some ground rules. No cumming until I say so. No touching my breasts or cunt until I tell you. If you need to stop, use your safe word.”

Tom nodded, licking his lips. “Yes, ma’am.”

She pulled him into the bedroom. “Strip.” Tom frantically pulled off his shirt and pants, folding them neatly. Vivian gestured to a chair, and he placed them there. “Underwear too, sunshine.”

Tom pulled them off and placed them on the chair with the rest of his clothes.

“Hands behind your head. Stand tall, my beautiful sunshine boy.” Tom complied, pulling himself to his full height, chest puffed out.

His cock bobbed as he rocked on his heels. Vivian stood behind him and ran her hands from his shoulders down his back to cup his ass and gave one cheek a playful slap. As she walked her way around him, she grabbed the back of his head and jerked him into a kiss. Tom’s hands waved in the air, not knowing what to do.

“Touch my breasts.”

Tom squeezed, moaning into Vivian’s mouth. “Yes, ma’am.”

She bit down on his lower lip before kissing his neck, sucking hard, leaving a mark.

“Kneel, my sunshine.” Tom lowered to the floor. His head pressed against her legs. She petted the top of his head. “Take off my panties, please.”

Tom’s hands slipped under her dress, finding the waist, and pulled them down Vivian’s legs. She stepped out of them and walked to the end of the bed, sitting down, legs splayed wide. She hooked her finger towards Tom.

“Come here.” He started to stand. “On your knees.”

Tom groaned and walked over on his knees, settling between her legs. His hands hung at his side. Vivian balanced her heels on the frame. “I like how you look between my legs. Use your mouth. Taste me. Make me come.”

“Yes, ma’am.” His excitement was palpable. He reached for her legs. She stopped him with her foot on his forehead.

“No hands.” She pushed her legs wider. Tom hummed as devoured Vivian’s thighs, leaving sloppy open mouth kisses as he traveled up. His nose nudged along her folds. She moaned.

“That’s it, sunshine.” He moved his lips down to her other thigh. Vivian whimpered. “Tease.”

“It will be worth it, ma’am.”

“It better be.”

Tom peeked up and smiled. He licked with the flat of his tongue before swirling it around her clit. Vivian grabbed the back of his head and yanked him forward. “Yes!” she hissed.

Tom continued to suck and lick at her, his cock dripping and hard against his thigh. Vivian’s hand tight like a vise in his hair, yanking his head where she wanted. Tom’s tongue darted inside her entrance, collecting every drop of her arousal, savoring it. When Vivian came, she screamed out, her head falling back, and she pulled hard on Tom’s hair. A shot of pain ran through his scalp. He moaned into her, continuing to lick and slurp. As she came down, Vivian pulled Tom away. His eyes glassy, pupils lust blown. His lips swollen and red, her arousal glistening on him.

“It was worth it, sunshine.”

“yes, ma’am.” Tom remained on his knees, his voice low.

“On the bed on your back, arms out.” She stood and allowed him to crawl into the bed, unable to resist smacking his ass.

“Ow.” he complained as he lied down. Vivian quickly hooked him into the restraints.

“Nice and tight, sunshine? I don’t want you running away.” she play pouted. Tom made a show of flexing and tugging until Vivian ran her nail along his shaft and he let loose a ragged gasp, his hips bucking into her touch. Vivian clicked her tongue. “If you can’t be a good boy, I’ll restrain your legs.”

Tom lowered his legs. “I’ll be good, ma’am. I promise.” he pleaded. “Please, I’ll be good.”

Vivian grabbed the box of condoms and pulled one out. She unwrapped it and rolled it down Tom’s cock. He fought against the restraints at her touch. She climbed back on the bed and Tom’s posture relaxed. Vivian straddled his hips, his cock twitched underneath her. She rocked against the tip, Tom jerked against the restraints and pressed his feet into the mattress. She leaned forward to press her breasts against him. Her hazel eyes staring into Tom’s soul. He whimpered and whined.

“I am going to ride you, sunshine. You are going to tell me when you get close to cumming. You are not to cum without my permission.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Tom nodded. “Please ride me, please.”

She lightly slapped his cheek, Tom groaned. “That’s a good boy.”

Vivian lowered herself onto his cock. He was larger than her previous partners, stretching her walls. She moaned and hissed. Tom’s chest heaved underneath her hand, breaths short and shallow as he struggled to control his release.

“Oh, sunshine. Your cock may be my new favorite part of you.” She rocked up and down on him.

“Please, please. Please.” Tom begged. Her walls tight around him. “I need to—”

“It’s not about you.” Vivian stopped. Tom growled. “It’s about me. And I want to ride you until I come on your cock and then, if you are a good boy, I might let you come.”

“Yes, ma’am. Please ma’am.” he breathed.

Vivian resumed twisting and rocking her hips. Tom’s cock hit all the right spots inside of her and soon she was ready to orgasm. Tom’s face was twisted in pain and exertion. He wanted to please and impress you so much.

“I’m close, sunshine. Are you close?”

“Yes… ma’am….” he gasped.

Vivian thrusted hard down on Tom’s cock and she rubbed her clit and came with a guttural moan. As her walls fluttered and warmth washed over her.

“Come for me, my boy. Come.”

Tom bucked his hips twice and yelled as he came. His vision turned black and then white as he came. Vivian squeezed around him. Tom collapsed underneath her, completely spent, the denial of the week having the desired effect of intensifying his orgasm. His face plastered with a smile, sweat glistening his skin. Tom’s eyes fluttered open and closed.

“Tom?” Vivian asked, soft and sweet. She rolled off of him and undid the restraints and then the cuffs, kissing his wrists. “Sunshine?”

“Hmmm…” Tom hummed. She rubbed his neck.

“Tom… are you okay?”

“Yes, ma’am….” His voice trailed off, dreamy. “How are you?”

“I’m fine. Sit up, sunshine.”

Tom sat up with a groan. Vivian handed him a water bottle and snack. “Here.”

Tom blinked and took a swig of water and a bit of chocolate. “Thank you, ma’am. That was incredible. I’ve never….”

She smoothed down his hair and kissed him soft. “You did beautifully, sunshine.”

His head snapped her. “Are you pleased, ma’am? Satisfied? I can… I can…”

“Shhh…” She kissed him again. “I am very pleased. No complaints. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Tom unrolled the condom and discarded it in the garbage can in the room. He grabbed his leather bag.

“You won’t need that. Put it down, please.”

Tom dropped the bag. “But I… ma’am?”

“Come with me.” Vivian walked to the bathroom. “Shower or bath?”

Tom’s eyes darted between the tub and the glass shower enclosure. “Shower, ma’am.”

She flicked on the shower, waiting for the water to heat up. “If you are cold, you can put on your robe.” Vivian gestured at a hook. Tom’s eyes widened at the obscenely short blue satin robe.

“That’s for me, ma’am? It’s awfully short.” Tom’s hands fidgeted in front of him.

“I know the perfect way to show off that perfect ass.” Vivian grinned as she playfully smacked his ass before pulling him into the shower and a deep passionate kiss.

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fanfiction #tom hiddleston fanfic #tom hiddleston x ofc #tom hiddleston fluff #tom hiddleston angst #tom hiddleston smut #tom hiddleston imagine #tom hiddleston series #follow my lead

89 notes · View notes

wreckofawriter · 4 years

Text

Heartbeat Part 2

(Final Part) <Part 1>

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Word Count: 3,580

Warnings: Angsty at the beginning, umm mentions of suicide and depression, swearing

Summary: An idea given to me by @mcluuvin666 Thank you so much! Reader moves on from Sirius and he realizes he made a mistake

A/n: This took me forever to write, I hope you guys like it!

You used to tell yourself you didn’t cry, that it was weak. But that was never true. The truth was you had cried far more in your life than you would ever admit. You had cried when your parents yelled at you or when your father hit you or your mother cursed you. You had cried when you fell from the tree in your backyard and when you slipped off your bike when you were nine. You had cried when you failed your first exam in the second year and recently you cried for no reason at all other than you simply needed to. You never let anyone see it but you cried a lot. But you had never cried like this before

You lay in that classroom for what could have been an hour or could have been a year. Loud sobs clawing from your throat like a feral beast that had finally been released. You felt your head pound as you pressed your forehead to the floor. After some amount of time had passed your throat no longer allowed any sound but whimpers from you. You could still feel tears slide down your face dripping off your nose and pooling on its curves. Your face felt hot, too hot like it was boiling, flesh burning.

Your mouth tasted bitter. You felt so frail. So incredibly weak. When you finally managed to get to your feet it was dark out, the moon nearly full, stars so bright they seemed only inches away.

You made it outside easily, no one was around to stop you if there was you doubt they would have succeeded. You stepped out onto the dewy grass where you once lay with Sirius. Where he had kissed you, where you had said you loved him and where he hadn't responded.

You should have felt stupid, so fucking stupid, but you didn’t. You didn't feel anything, anger, misery, hatred, despair and so many other bottles of feelings had been released. And now they were gone. And you felt numb. Your heart had slowed to its normal pace as you continued across the grass appearing silver in the moonlight.

You walked until your feet met with wood, you traveled out to the dock, the sound of crickets and small frogs filling you.

You stopped at the end of the dock. You contemplated taking another step, letting your body become a part of the darkness before you.

And then you did.

Your body hit the water and you were plunged into a cold you had never felt before. Your robes soaked instantly and you began to sink. You slowly parted your eyelids, you looked upwards at the celestial being above you quivering under the lense of wetness. You could see the moon, but your eyes didn't stay on the small planet for long. They traveled to the brightest star in the sky. Sirius. It blinked back at you slowly moving further and further away as your lungs began to burn. Your hair began to float in front of your face, your robes reaching towards the light as you were dragged backward by an unseeable force.

Then your eyes slipped shut and the fire inside you built, the burn strengthening. You could still see the bright star in your eyelids.

You felt the numbness suddenly disappear and for the first time in your entire life you were alone and you actually felt alive.

Your feet began to kick, black dress shoes moving in a flutter. You pushed yourself upwards, arms pumping as your eyes popped back open, your chest burnt, you would make it you knew you would, because you were still alive, and you would stay that way.

When you broke the surface of the water you immediately drew in a harsh breath forcing water further down your lungs as you began to cough. You managed to the shore collapsing in a heap of coughs. Until your lungs cleared and you were finally allowed to breathe normally again.

You're sitting staring out at the lake, ripples lingering from your plunge. The moon and stars reflected back at you making you feel as if you were trapped between two godly works of art and you could only stare, your heart thumped loudly you felt amazing, amused, and absolutely alive. Because you were alive. And you weren't about to let so asshole with mommy issues change that.

You felt a smile creep onto your lips as you stood. Your robes weighed what must have been thousands of pounds but you didn't care. You let out a light bubble of laughter chin tilting upwards as you breathed in deeply the scent of midnight dew and pond water filling you as your hair clung to your face. You extended your arms, spreading them like an eagle.

"I'm alive." You whispered up in the sky. And you were.

You awoke the next morning feeling as if you had dropped 50 pounds. Standing wasn't a struggle, your eyelids didn't drag downward, your heartbeat was lively and awake. You simply felt good.

When you arrived in the great hall for breakfast you were met with quite a few surprised faces. You could see Sirius staring at you from his corner of toxic masculinity. The surprise in his eyes made rage cycle through you. You were tempted to run and scream at him, but you didn’t. You took a deep breath reminding yourself that was exactly what he wanted and you refused to give in to his wants ever again. You ate breakfast while reading one of your favorite books you had dug out of your trunk that morning. Everything seemed so much easier after last night.

You surprised just about everyone in your herbology class by being quite kind to the Hufflepuff who sat next to you. You had even asked for some help baffling the light-haired girl. During Transfiguration, you had made a point to apologize to McGonagall for missing that morning’s detention. Her eyes had gone wide and she had looked a bit pale, asking if you were alright which you assured her you were.

On your way to lunch, you did something absolutely unliveable. A young Gryffindor had been cornered in a remote hallway you used as a shortcut. You had come across five second-year girls who were teasing the poor girl, snickers leaving their mouth. You had debated continuing walking but you let out a sharp sigh and took a few steps towards the girls grabbing the two who were currently taking charge by their hair.

They had shrieked as you yanked them backward. Once they had turned and met your face the color had drained from their own. A sweet smile graced your lips. You asked them if they knew who you were. Both nodded quickly.

“Good.” You continued to grin, “Then you should know I don’t bluff. Now I will ask you once. Leave this girl alone or next time I will rip the hair from your head.”

They had scattered after you released them, their friends already long gone. You walked towards the girl on the ground. She had on large horn-rimmed glasses which magnified her sky blue eyes. Her teeth held bright pink banded braces, her hair a dirty blonde.

“Let me guess, you’re a mud- muggleborn.” You said catching yourself quickly.

She nodded slowly, she looked terrified.

You laughed a bit and she jumped. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m a changed woman, plus muggles write the best books.” You winked. “I’m y/n y/l/n.” You extended a hand.

“Rebecca Lastings.” She responded quietly, taking your offer as you helped pull her to her feet.

“Well, I’m starving. You wanna get lunch?” You asked as you helped gather her scattered books.

She smiled a bit, “Yeah sure.”

Lunch was... interesting. Turned out that Rebecca had an older sister named Laney Lastings - in your opinion a very catchy name - and when she saw her sister eating lunch with one of the most infamous Slytherins she was reasonably concerned.

When the Ravenclaw had marched up to you as you were shoveling chicken salad into your mouth you had once again done the shocking thing. You smiled and greeted the girl.

“What are you doing with my little sister.” She had hissed cutting you short.

You shrugged, “Eating.”

The blonde scoffed, “Becc lets go.” she snatched her sister’s arm but to her surprise Rebecca resisted.

“But she was just telling me about a book she read.” The younger girl spoke softly. By the look on the older’s face, you guessed she didn’t defy orders often. “It sounded very interesting.”

Laney looked up at you. You just shrugged. “What is going on?” she looked a bit shook up.

“Look I know what you think of me, hell what every single person in this room thinks of me but I’m a changed woman.” You explained, “I am honestly just talking to your sister, I have no intention of hurting her in any way shape or form.”

Laney’s eyes narrowed but Rebecca sat back down and took a bite of her peanut butter sandwich. “Come on y/l/n people don’t just change overnight.”

You shrugged again, “I did. Feel free to join us.” You motioned to the seat next to Laney’s sister and to your surprise she took it. And for the first time in your entire life, you had made actual friends.

You dreaded detention the next morning but to your surprise, it was rather pleasant. When you entered the large room it was already sanctioned into two groups. One contained three boys sitting in neighboring desks while the second held one dark-haired boy at the back of the room glaring at the former group.

You raised an eyebrow in confusion and sat a few desks away from both crowds. You then began to sort the paperwork you were told to, taking a walkman out and clipping in a favored artist.

About halfway through the hour, you were drawn from your work when a figure appeared before you. You looked up to see a pair of hazel eyes and curly hair hidden under a navy beanie. You removed your headphones letting them rest around your neck giving him a questioning look.

“Hey.” He managed, looking a bit unsure of himself.

“Hey?” You responded, glancing at the group he had left meeting to pair of eyes which quickly darted away.

“So umm, I know it's not really my place to say but I’m sorry,” Remus spoke, biting his lip.

“Why are you sorry?” You asked, still visibly confused.

He lowered his voice, “What Sirius did was really fucked up.” Suddenly the sanctions made sense, “And I just thought I would let you know that I’m sorry on his behalf.”

You let out a small laugh, “Please don’t Remus, you clean up enough of that boy's messes already, don’t put this on yourself. But thanks anyway.” You shrugged going to put back on your headphones.

“Laney told me about what you did for her little sister.” He spoke in a rush.

You stopped, “And?”

“She has been trying to get those girls to leave Becc alone for like three months, she started skipping classes and meals to avoid them, it was bad. But you stopped them with one conversation. That was really nice of you y/n.” Remus stated.

“It was whatever.” You answered with a shrug.

“It really wasn’t,” He protested, “But look we both wanted to ask you if you wanted to come to our study session tomorrow night. We get together three times a week, it’s me Laney and a few others, they’re all pretty chill and it would be great if you could come.”

A smile found your face, “Really?”

“Yeah, we meet in the library after dinner.” He was playing with his fingers now.

“Okay, sure. That sounds awesome.” You said.

“Great.” He grinned bouncing on the balls of his feet before turning and leaving.

“Hey, Remus.” You called just before he made it back to his seat. He whipped his head to look at you. “Thanks.”

In all honesty, being nice was completely exhausting, actually caring what others thought of you took its toll, especially after the well-crafted reputation you had built for yourself. You had also started paying attention in classes for the first time in a long time so you had mountains of homework and suddenly understood your peer’s desperation for good grades. You tried to convince yourself that a study group was a brilliant idea but your worries ate away at you.

What happened when most of the group hated you? Would they cuss you out? What if they refused you despite Remus’s invitation? There was so much room for failure. Godric making friends was difficult.

You busied yourself with the nightly homework in the common room, you had gotten used to the strange looks you received. A whistle drew yourself from your herbology sketch.

“Wow y/l/n, I did not expect you to turn into a loser when you found out.”

You rolled your eyes at the familiar voice, “Avery.” You drawled.

“What has gotten into you?” He asked, taking a seat next to you, “First you help out a mudblood, then you go and make friends with her filthy sister and now you're doing Herbology homework?”

You glared at the boy, “Don’t call them that.”

He only smirked back, “I must say you look much prettier without the bags beneath your eyes and a little effort put in.”

“Go fuck yourself.” You spat resisting the urge to strangle him.

“There’s the y/n I know.” He smiled triumphantly, “But where has she been? People don’t change overnight.”

“Well, I did douchebag.” You hissed.

“No you didn't.” he sneered, “You're still the same stone-cold bitch, you’re just hiding it and let me tell you, I can’t wait for that mask to break.”

Your hand tightened around your quill, “Shut up.”

“I’ll be there to catch you when you fall y/l/n. I’m glad you’re wearing skirts again, you look hot.” He taunted his face so close to your own you could smell his cologne.

You were about to slap him but before you could a voice resonated through the air, “Avery back off her.”

You both looked up and you met the gaze of a Slytherin you swear you had never seen before. He had dark hair and darker eyes, his face was sharply cut, lips looking far too rounded on his visage.

“What do you have on it Dapperton?” Avery asked leaning away from you.

“Just back off.” His tone was harsh, a thick Scottish accent in his voice.

“Whatever.” Avery scoffed standing and shooting you one last glance before leaving the room.

“You okay?” The boy you now knew as Dapperton asked.

“Yeah, fine.” You managed.

“Cool, listen I was wondering if you could help me with my Arithmetic, I’ve heard you are pretty good at it.” He said.

“Sure. I’m y/-”

“I know who you are.’” He laughed, “I’m Lewis. Lewis Dapperton.”

“Okay, nice to meet you, Lewis.”

You had made three official friends.

You tried not to let Avery’s words bother you as the days passed. But it was hard. The study group had been a bit awkward but not all that bad, Lewis was actually a member much to your surprise. Nights became difficult again. The idea that maybe this was just a passing phase and that it was simply a few good days got to you. I mean people didn’t just change overnight.

But I did. You screamed at yourself. I swear I did.

It all came crashing into a dreadful climax two weeks after night it all started.

It had been two weeks of confusion that morphed to anger and soon into sadness and jealousy for Sirius Black. When he had seen you in the great hall the night after you had found out about the thirty points he had almost shit his pants. You were up? And you were smiling?! He was sure you were going to come over and rip his throat out at breakfast. But you didn’t You just sat at your isolated seat at the end of the Slytherin table and read, looking surprisingly relaxed.

You had left a bit early and Remus had dumped his pumpkin juice on him saying he was a complete objectifying asshole and part of the reason why women were not viewed equal to men. Leave it to the feminist to ruin a perfectly normal bet. He had made the mistake of saying that out loud and caused an uproar at the Gryffindor table.

He had seen you working in the few shared classes you had and had been quite surprised. How was it you were having a better day than him? He supposed karma bit harshly. When you saw you at lunch sitting with a young Gryffindor girl he had once again been completely boggled. And soon you were joined by a Ravenclaw as well. What universe was he in?

That night he had gotten into another heated argument with his best friends. One that ended in him sleeping in the common room, locked away from his bed.

He had dreamt of you. That night when you had stargazed. When you had kissed him. When you had told him you loved him. He dreamt of your lips on his, hands in his hair, the dew seeping through his robes and the chirp of crickets.

The next morning sucked. He sat alone during detention forced to watch as you happily hummed along to your music. Your hair was pulled back and it looked surprisingly nice. You were also wearing a skirt. When did you get so pretty? Remus talked to you and mentioned him. Sirius bit his tongue not wanting to cause a scene. Plus the glare James was giving him hurt on another level.

The week got worse and worse. Suddenly you had friends and had started hanging out with a far too handsome Slytherin. You also choose that week to look ridiculously gorgeous and suddenly his thoughts were full of you. He found himself missing your scent and the texture of your hair. The sound of your laughter was a drug he had been deprived of.

His dreams of you got worse. He dreamt that he had told you he loved you when you asked. He dreamed he hadn’t left you alone. He dreamed of laughing in detention with you, making out in broom closets, going to quidditch matches together, sleeping with you.

He woke each day more aggravated than the last. Why the fuck was he the one suffering? It wasn’t fair. Well, he supposed it was. Finally, he gathered his remailing pride and tossed it out a window before cornering you on the way back from herbology.

“Y/n please just give me a minute.” He begged as you began to walk away.

“Sirius I have wasted far too many of my minutes on you.” You spat glaring past the boy.

“Please.” He pleaded.

You sighed tapping your foot angrily, “You’ve got one minute.”

It was then Sirius realized he had absolutely no plan, “What’s up with you?”

“What?” You glowered refusing to meet his eye.

“I mean you’re all nice and shit and you’re actually hanging out with people. It’s weird.” He explained.

“So, me being nice is weird?” You clarified.

“Yeah! People don’t change overnight!” He rationalized.

“So I’ve been told.” You murmured, “Look if this is all just about me being nice then please save me time and leave me alone.”

Sirius groaned, “It’s not just that! How are you so, so I don’t know okay?”

You finally looked him in the eyes and he really wished you hadn’t. Your eyes were dark with anger, narrowed to slits, reminding him of a snake. “You wanna know why I’m so okay?” You asked and suddenly he didn’t. “Because I was really really not fucking okay.”

Sirius was visibly confused, “What?”

“I almost drowned myself that night Sirius.” You hissed.

His heart stopped. “What.”

“Yeah.” You snarled, “I walked straight off that dock, shoes and all, and I let myself sink halfway to the bottom before I decided I wanted to live.” You spoke gesturing towards the lake.

Sirius wanted the earth to swallow him whole. You wouldn’t have opposed.

“And when finally reached the shore I had an epiphany.” You spoke with false glamor. “I suddenly realized I wasn’t going to let cock suckers like you and my parents decided anything about me and the way I live my life.”

Sirius wanted to break into tears. He started at you. The face he had been dreaming of for weeks meer meters from him and suddenly realized how desperately in love with you he was.

“So guess what, I changed overnight because I would have died if I didn’t.” You spat before brushing past him without another word. Sirius grabbed your wrist as you passed.

You turned glaring at him.

“I think I’m in love with you.” He spoke his voice breaking halfway through the sentence.

“You know I can’t answer that.” You scoffed snatching your wrist from his hold and turning to leave.

Sirius watched as you left so full of regret he couldn’t think of anything but what-ifs. When you were out of sight he sat on the ground and began to cry.

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nsheetee · 4 years

Text

20cm

Pairing: Jisung x Reader Genre: Childhood Friends to Lovers AU, Summer Love AU || Angst, Fluff Length: 7.3k Summary: You and Jisung were childhood friends for several years before he moved away. When Jisung comes back to visit for a summer years later, you realize he’s grown taller, his voice has dropped, and it’s almost impossible not to fall in love with him. Warnings/Details: female reader, inspired by “20cm” by TXT A/N: a big thank you to @kmdys for making the banner and the gif! I hope everyone enjoys this fic ♡

Making sure to read the epilogue, Love Again, when you’re done!

Warm summer air never felt better than when riding a bike in the late afternoon. The air caresses your hair and carries the smell of wheat from the fields that are on your left and right. It takes all of your might not to close your eyes at the relaxing and restful feeling of summer break, especially now that you’ll never be going back to school again; that chapter of your life now ended and the next is slowly beginning.

You languidly pedal your rusty green bike, mindful to not ride into the gravel next to the road so that you don’t come home with a bloody knee and bruised apples. The bright green granny smiths sit in your basket, two fabric bags encompassing them. Your neighbors grow some of the best apples in the county, and it’s a dream to be able to ride over to their house and pick up a dozen for the apple pie your mom will make for dessert tonight.

At the thought of tonight’s events, your heart springs into light thuds, like a little bell that signals to your heart the beginning of your future.

Jisung, your old childhood friend, will be coming back to town for a few weeks this summer.

You never thought you would see him again, his moving away almost five years ago brought you so much sadness and the displacement of your closest friend. Jisung was the person you’d sit next to at lunch. You always gave him your carrots and in return he gave you his strawberry milk, puncturing the straw into the bottle for you. He was the one who walked you home after school; the wheat fields were so much younger back then, just like the two of you.

He was the one who made you laugh, who took all of your teasing about how much shorter he was than you, who consoled you when your pet frog died in 7th grade. He was your best friend, someone who’ll always hold a special place in your heart.

When your rusty tires roll up your long driveway, you see an unknown parked car, and your heart jumps to your throat, nerves and excitement filling you from fingertips to toes.

He’s here. Your childhood best friend is here.

Slowly stopping your bike and setting it down on the grass, you pick up the two fabric bags of apples and slowly walk up the porch stairs, your heart pounding in your throat when the screen door opens. You stop on the top stair, looking up at the boy— no, young man, who has just walked onto the porch.

“Hey, ___.” Jisung chuckles lowly. You’re sure you look stupefied. Jisung stands less than a yard away, biting his bottom lip with hands shoved into his short pockets. Has it always been this quiet on the porch? You can’t even hear the birds chirping or the cows in the farm across the street mooing.

“Jisung?” You finally speak up and he laughs, a deep and boyish laugh that fits him, but it’s not what you’re used to hearing come out of his mouth.

“Yeah, that’s me.” Out of habit, you take a step back, for some reason needing to make more space between you two. Unfortunately, you forget about the stairs behind you and yelp as you begin to fall backwards. Jisung takes two big strides and catches your wrist in one hand, stopping you from falling down the stairs. Despite the possibility of you almost spraining your ankle or hitting your head in the last few seconds, you can only think about Jisung’s large hand gripping yours.

“You saved the apples.” You chuckle nervously, rolling your lips between your teeth when Jisung doesn’t laugh back.

“I saved you, bumble bee.” He pulls you up to the porch. Now that you’re closer, you can’t stop looking over the features of his face; his tanned skin, and pink lips, and the laugh lines that are starting to crease the sides of his eyes. It’s like the more you stare, the more features you can find that you’re not familiar with.

“You still remember that nickname?” You ask, holding your precious apples in both hands in front of you.

“Of course. How could I ever forget you?”

It’s a few hours later, and you still haven’t gotten over how much Jisung has changed. You examine him under the ceiling light of your dining room, the way his now dirty blonde hair reflects the artificial light and how much baby fat he lost from his face. Not to mention the size of his hands as he pops open a soda can for you and helps pour it into your glass, his skillful hands mesmerizing you in an almost embarrassing way.

“I’m so glad you’re back in town. I’ve missed you guys like crazy, and I’m sure ___ missed Jisung, too.” Your mom speaks up, the mention of your name making you rip your attention off of your childhood friend to focus on the other side of the dining table.

“O-Oh, yes. I was… very surprised earlier.” The adults laugh, acknowledging your comment on Jisung’s changes from over the past few years.

“By the way, have you guys made plans for the next few days yet?” Your mom asks you and Jisung while forcefully adding more salad to your plate, your fork of defense no match for her skillful aiming.

“No, not yet.” Jisung answers.

“Great! You guys should help Uncle Henry pick strawberries tomorrow. You guys used to love picking strawberries every summer with him.” Your fork stops moving, sending a glance to Jisung’s way at your mother’s proposition.

“Sure, why not.” Jisung smiles. Despite being five years older and a whole foot taller, Jisung’s shy and bashful actions make him seem like he hasn’t aged a day. You go back to forking your carrots, eventually they find their way to the edge of Jisung’s plate.

“What’s this?” He asks with a muffled laugh, “My welcome present?”

“Oh,” You realize just how many wavy carrot slices you’ve piled on his plate and laugh awkwardly, “Sorry, I guess it’s still one of my habits. I know you love carrots.”

“Actually, I hate carrots now.” Jisung scrunches his nose and forks the vegetables, putting them back on your plate, “They’re too hard.”

You stare at your plate, wondering why his comment pulled a string in you and made your heart fall to the bottom of your stomach. Then you remember it has been five years. Of course his preferences would have changed in that time. But why are you getting upset over some carrots?

“Did you guys plan anything during your stay?” Your attention is once again drawn to the other side of the table as your mother speaks.

“We were thinking of hanging around for a couple weeks, then going to the beach like we always did during the summer.” Jisung’s mother answers, and then gasps as she turns to you, “___, you should come with us!”

“Me?” Your eyebrows rise in surprise, “Oh, I don’t want to intrude…”

“Oh, hush, you always used to visit the beach house with us. It wouldn’t be the same without you and you know it.” You move two carrot slices around your plate, feeling Jisung’s gaze hit the side of your head and his knee rest against yours under the table.

“Okay, yeah. I’d love to come.”

After sharing a slice of apple pie, you and Jisung walk to the back porch to witness the blazing sunset that sets over Uncle Henry’s strawberry field, which is coincidentally neighboring your backyard. Jisung looks up; the fresh summer air ruffles his shirt and hair as he takes in the sound of grasshoppers a few feet away. The moon lovingly gazes at the setting sun from the other side of the sky.

You walk past him down the stairs, still trying to figure out your new feelings towards Jisung. The hammering of your heart and the sweating of your palms was never an issue around your best friend, but neither has the awkwardness that strings between you two. You wonder what else has changed about Jisung within the past five years. You want to ask, but you feel like there’s an invisible wall that time and distance has built between you two.

You never expected you and Jisung to go back to the way you were before he moved away, but you didn’t know your relationship would be so different. That he would be so different. That you would feel so different.

“Is that-” Jisung gasps, “Is that your old swing?” He looks past you, walking down the stairs and to the rope swing that hangs off of a sturdy branch on the old oak tree in your backyard. “Come here! I’ll push you.” He laughs as he reaches the swing, testing the security of it before you sit down. You shake your earlier thoughts and feelings away, wanting to just spend some time with your old and dear friend.

“Do you remember when I pushed you off of this once?” You ask as Jisung gains some momentum, pushing you higher and higher into the sky. “And you broke your finger?” You call back to him, hoping he hears you.

“Of course, I remember.” You hear his melodic laughter in return, “I remember you crying because you thought you killed me since I had to go to the hospital.” You laugh in return, reminiscing your silly worries at the time. You let Jisung push you some more, your hair getting caught in your mouth and your skin cooling off from flying around your backyard. Eventually Jisung slows you down, and you’re only idly swaying back and forth as he watches the sunset bleed into the sky.

“There’s never these types of sunsets where I live now.” He muses, “I never thought this would be something I missed.”

“Did you miss me?” You tease, fingers wrapping around the rope to support yourself as you bend your head back to look at him. He steps forward, so close that you have to sit up straight and turn to face him properly. His hands find the rope, gently sliding down as he leans to your height.

Nothing prepared you for the butterflies that erupted in your stomach when his pinkies touch your hands, or how clear and glassy his eyes are when they look over your face. Could that look on his face be adoration? Affection? Or are you just getting your hopes up? He’s barely twenty centimeters away, yet he feels closer to you than ever before.

“In all honesty, when I stepped foot into this town, I felt like a little kid again.” He whispers over the grasshopper’s chirps, “I mean, I’m still a kid, but you know what I mean.” He laughs, and you’re paralyzed by how soft his cheeks look while raised up in happiness like that. “I feel like I walked into my past in an older body, and I have never been more thankful to see you here waiting for me.” He nods, solidifying his words, “I missed you a lot, bumble bee.”

The humidity rises the next morning, the sun is moving slowly through the sky and showers its rays down on everyone below. You think maybe it’s not a good idea to pick strawberries today, but Jisung’s excitement makes you put on some rubber boots and a sun hat, and guide him to Uncle Henry’s farm.

Uncle Henry, despite his name, is not your uncle, but rather an old man who has grown strawberries in this large field behind your house for over twenty years. Even though he’s old and his back is crooked, he does not plan to stop farming any time soon. Picking strawberries was your way of helping Uncle Henry when you were a child and he enjoyed the company of youth, saying it made him feel younger whenever you and Jisung would joke around with him.

“My God, I never thought I’d see the two of you together again.” He exclaims when you two walk to his porch, “How has city life been treating you, Jisung?” The old man asks as he hands out some baskets and you start making your way to the strawberry fields.

“It was different at first, but I got used to it pretty quickly.”

“You still remember how to find a good strawberry, right?” Uncle Henry jokes and Jisung nods, assuring him he still remembers how to do the job. “So, how did you finish school? Were you at the top of your class?” Uncle Henry muses as he finds a good place to start picking.

“Uh,” Jisung laughs curtly as you all bend down to the ground, “Not really, I was too busy dancing to worry about school.” You and Uncle Henry stand up straight at Jisung’s words, looking down at him still crouching.

“Dancing?” You both ask at the same time. When Jisung lived here, he never spoke a word about dancing. You would’ve never guessed that’s what he spent most of his time on during high school.

“Yeah, I was on my school’s dance team and did some underground dancing on the side. But don’t tell my parents that.” He holds up a finger to his lips in a “shush” motion and Uncle Henry erupts in gulfs of laughter, patting Jisung on his back as they both get back to work. You, on the other hand, are still dazed by Jisung’s story. It makes your thoughts from the night before come back to the forefront of your mind.

Jisung has changed so much in the past few years. It’s almost like getting to know a whole new person, but still having so many memories with them. That singular thought kept you up last night, tossing and turning in confusion. Something in you wants to learn more about the Jisung who stands next to you.

The smell of strawberries is almost suffocating in the best possible way. Sweat glides down your back and makes your shirt stick to you, your work gloves make your hands sweaty too, but hearing Uncle Henry and Jisung talk about anything and everything under the sun reminds you of a slice of youth, back when things were much simpler and you weren’t even aware of it.

It’s strange how different you and Jisung are; from growing up so much in the past few years and changing your views and tastes, but in the small strawberry field, you feel like time hasn’t passed at all. It tricks you, making your heart feel secure everytime you look over at Jisung and see him smiling like a fool.

You forgot how fun picking strawberries with Uncle Henry and Jisung is. They love to pull at the strings of your sunhat to puff out your cheeks, and Jisung lets you piggyback him while moving from one area of the field to another to relax your feet. Slowly, you and Jisung remember what it’s like to be around each other. You remember how well your humor matches each other and how you can almost guess what the other is thinking with one look. Out of all the things that have changed about Jisung, you’re glad this part of him has not.

At noon, when the sun is the highest in the sky and the humidity feels like it’s burning you from its intensity, Uncle Henry tells you to go home and eat so that you’ll be energized to pick some more fruits later that afternoon. You walk back to your house through the strawberries field, careful to not step on any plants as you do so. Jisung takes off your sun hat, turning it upside down and filling it with fresh strawberries from the ground. You don’t complain about the loss of shade, and you’re sure Uncle Henry won’t mind you stealing some strawberries either.

Instead of going inside, you and Jisung wash the fruits outside and sit under your beloved oak tree, the shade providing a pleasant difference from the beating sun you spent all morning under. You knock your boot against Jisung’s as you both sit with your legs in front of you, sunhat filled with bright red strawberries sharing a place on both of your laps.

“Ahhh.” Jisung says, holding a strawberry next to your lips. You laugh, but open your mouth anyway and he pops the fruit in. You do the same to him, laughing when the strawberry you picked is too big for him to eat in one mouthful.

“Do I seem older to you?” You ask, swatting a bug off of Jisung’s shoulder, not making eye contact with him. Your thoughts from yesterday and earlier this morning still haunt you. The difference now being that you’re less worried about Jisung feeling weird since you spent the whole morning chatting and interacting together.

“What do you mean?” He looks for a good strawberry to feed you.

“Do I seem different from the last time you saw me?” If Jisung has grown up and changed so much in the past five years, that means you should have, too.

“Oh, definitely. You’re prettier than before.” A momentary silence falls over the two of you. Your cheeks heat up, this time not from the direct sunlight, and Jisung thinks he said something wrong. “I mean, you were pretty before. But now, you seem to know yourself better and that makes you look prettier to me.”

He holds up a strawberry to your lips again. “Does that make any sense?”

You eat the fruit, nodding afterwards. “I get what you’re saying.”

“Why?” You pause at his question, unsure if you want to tell him the truth, the partial truth, or lie. At one point, you could’ve talked to Jisung about anything. But at that same point, you were only fourteen years old and didn’t really have anything serious to talk about. So, you decide on option two.

“You grew up a lot in the past five years and everyone was talking about it. I wondered if I had changed, too.” You let some of your fears show in your words, and Jisung smiles adoringly at you. You don’t catch his loving gaze as you pick at your sun hat. Jisung tickles the bottom of your chin, making you look up as he leans into you on one arm.

“We both changed a lot, definitely with the things we like and how we look, but I don’t think we changed that much as people. You didn’t transform completely into someone I don’t know.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because even five years later, you’re still clumsy enough to step backwards on the stairs and you still have that mellow look on your face whenever we pick strawberries.” Jisung explains with a shrug. You don’t say anything back, biting the inside of your lip as Jisung moves you to rest your head on his lap. “You look sleepy, bumble bee. Rest. You deserve it.”

He waves your empty sunhat to create some wind, fanning warm air at both of you while you close your eyes and try not to fall asleep on his lap. His words don’t comfort you, instead they make you think even harder about the thoughts that kept you up last night. If neither of you have changed in the past five years, why is your heart fluttering at the sight of Jisung? Why does your gaze fall back to him any chance you get? Why do you feel so alert at his presence?

And the most important question of them all: are you feeling these things towards your childhood friend, or for the boy that has you resting in his lap? Because you’re starting to think he is not one and the same.

Uncle Henry always told you and Jisung that the best thing about farming is to share what you’ve grown with other people, otherwise your effort could be meaningless. And what’s a better way to share than with a farmer’s market?

After finishing picking strawberries with Uncle Henry, he invited you and Jisung to the framer’s market that would open Saturday morning. Since you and Jisung had nothing else to do, you woke up early and got yourselves ready to head over to Uncle Henry’s place to help him load his truck.

You’ve gone to several farmer’s markets before, but you’ve never had the opportunity to sit on the other side of the table. The side that sees little kids smile when their parents buy them bunches of grapes, that sees the eldery who look forward to the market all week just to try on hand-crafted jewelry, adorning smiles brighter than the summer sun. It’s all so energetic and loud and it fills your heart to the brim with content.

You don’t even notice that half of the day has passed by when you get to sit down in a lawn chair by Uncle Henry’s truck. Jisung plops down next to you, rubbing his calf muscle to get rid of any tension from standing up for so long, but a permanent smile rests on his lips.

“Ah, you kids helped me out so much. Go enjoy the rest of the market for today.” Uncle Henry hands you and Jisung a carton of strawberries.

“Will you be okay by yourself?” Jisung asks with worry.

“I’ll manage. I can’t let you kids not spend some time together.” With the tone of Uncle Henry’s voice, you tilt your head in confusion. You don’t get to think about the look he sends you and Jisung for too long because you’re being pulled away from the stand and into the crowd on the other side of your table.

“Where should we go first, bumble bee?” Jisung asks, popping a rich strawberry into his mouth. You don’t answer because you can already see where you want to go. Like a habit, you interlock your arm with Jisung and pull him to a honey stand. As you look on to see several mason jars filled to the brim with sweet honey, Jisung pops a strawberry in your mouth.

“You two kids want some honey or are you just gonna keep staring like a pair of honey bears?” You and Jisung simultaneously turn to who you presume is the owner of the stand. She laughs at your synchronous movement and nods towards the strawberries. “Let me give you guys some sweetener.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I was just looking because I didn’t know there was a bee farm in town.” You explain, but the lady opens a fresh jar of honey anyway, the smell pulling you and Jisung closer to the table.

“I’m from a few towns over. There’s not a lot of competition here for honey, so I think the car ride is worth it.” She drips the thick liquid sugar over your strawberries with a honey dipper, making yours and Jisung’s mouths almost water at the sight and smell. “Plus, you guys are such a cute couple, you deserve something sweet.”

You almost choke on air at the comment, now hyper aware of Jisung’s arm folded into yours. Jisung doesn’t seem to mind the comment as much as you, smiling his gummy smile and lending a strawberry for the owner of the stall to taste.

While Jisung is having the time of his life, you’re only a short ways away, sweating about how your stomach is doing acrobatics and how your heart won’t shut up. It’s been a few days since your shared moment with Jisung under the oak tree in your backyard, and you’ve felt more like yourself when you haven’t been this close to him.

But when you feel yourself react like this, some twisted part of you never wants it to stop. You want the acrobats in your stomach to keep moving, you like the way your heart screams in delight at the sight of Jisung’s smile. It confuses you and enlightens you at the same time. You’ve never been so perplexed yet so peaceful in your life.

Jisung has to pull you away from the honey stall, saying a goodbye to the nice seller and walking further into the market.

“Where to now?” He asks, taking a moment to lift a strawberry to your lips. You eat it, not noticing how the thick honey melts onto your lips. But Jisung notices, and it takes everything in his right mind to not lift his thumb up and drag it over your soft lips.

You hum, looking around the area while getting your head out of the clouds. You see a blaze of reds, oranges, and blues and your heart tells you that’s where you want to go. As you pull Jisung closer to the stall, the blend of colors turn into individual flowers. The smell hits you harder than any other stall; you feel like you’re transported to the field where these flowers were picked.

“Which one do you like?” Jisung asks and you point to a striking batch of blue cornflowers. Your eyes have been pinned to them from the second you saw this specific shade of blue out of the corner of your eye.

“How much for a bouquet of cornflowers?” Jisung steps forward to ask the seller.

“$10.” Jisung sucks a breath in between his teeth, remembering that he barely has any money to begin with.

“What about… just one?” The seller laughs at Jisung, not in a condescending way, but out of joy.

“Is it for your girlfriend?” The seller tilts his head at you. Once again, you’re left breathless by the second person who has assumed you and Jisung are dating.

‘Your girlfriend.’ What an interesting feeling the words bring to your soul.

“Yeah.”

Oh.

“Then I’ll take those strawberries for one cornflower.”

“Deal.”

Jisung knows the deal is not fair on his part, but walking over to you with the flower in his hand and seeing your eyes light up is so worth losing a few strawberries. Little does he know, your reaction is not for the flower, but for him. Jisung rips the long stem, his warm fingers stabilizing your head by placing them on your jaw. He whispers a “don’t move” while tucking the flower behind your ear, his gaze slipping from the charming and bright blue flower to your sparkling eyes, his gentle fingers lingering in their spot.

In the busy farmer’s market, with hundreds of people moving around you like busy bees, sights and smells hitting you from different directions, and the never ending summer sun gazing into your irises, you can still only look at Jisung. He can only look at you. You captivate each other and it’s not something you, him, or the people around you can deny. It’s a fact of nature, and the sweet truth that you bite into like a strawberry.

Unfortunately, things were not tied up perfectly that day.

You didn’t get to talk to Jisung once you got back to Uncle Henry’s stall, your hands that were practically tied together unwoven the moment you saw the old man. The week and a half that followed was a whirlwind of Jisung and his family trying to shove as many things as they could do in a day. From going to the lake, to visiting the limited amount of sights the area has, to saying hello to the people who missed them while they were gone.

You barely saw Jisung for that time, and when you did it was while surrounded by your families, only secret looks of sweetness passed between you two. It was fun at first, playing coy and drifting between making your feelings obvious and not, but after a few days, you just wanted to spend some time with Jisung and work out the feelings between you two.

And then, the day to go to the beach came.

You were glad that you accepted the Parks’ invitation to join them at the beach house. Not only has the weather become even more humid and hotter as the days krept along, but the lack of rainfall or even a mist from the sky made it unbearable to go outside for long.

You sat in the backseat with Jisung while his parents sat in the front of their van, a box of beach towels sitting between you two. You would glance at Jisung from behind the stack of colorful towels, meeting his shy gaze before looking away.

You love the beach. The smell of sea salt and sand makes you close your eyes and stand still, taking in the ambiance of the seemingly never ending water in front of you. You take off your socks and shoes before stepping onto the sand, the therapeutic landscape making you feel one hundred times better when you didn’t even know the extent of your own disarray. You arrived at the beach house later than expected, the sun has already set behind the horizon and only its light shines over the waves. You don’t hear Jisung walking up behind you until you feel someone tapping on your shoulder.

You turn to look but see no one, immediately turning over your other shoulder to catch Jisung standing behind you with a bright smile.

“Gotcha.” He laughs, making you giggle along with him, not minding the small prank.

“I thought you were supposed to be unpacking your things?”

“I snuck out. I can finish it later.” Jisung waves his hand carelessly, turning to the ocean. You both fall into silence, it’s comfortable and not completely quiet, the sound of waves hitting the shore and the stars poking out into the sky filling in the empty space between you. You dig your big toe into the sand, drawing random shapes that have no rhyme or reason. Jisung notices and joins you; his pants are rolled up a bit and his shoes are off, laying next to yours a few feet away.

“Hold on.” He stops you from moving by placing his hands on your shoulders, then moving away from you and tracing big lines in the sand around you. You follow his foot with your eyes, heating up when he finishes his picture and tip toes to stand in front of you.

“It’s a heart.” You mumble bashfully, not being able to look up at him.

“Yeah, it’s my heart. Big and spacious, and you’re right in the middle of it.” The suddenness of his indirect confession makes your heart pound. You look up at him in surprise and he takes quick steps closer to you.

You’re not that far away anymore. You’re not even twenty centimeters away. No, you’re only one breath away, only one deep gaze away, only two heartbeats beating loudly away from each other.

Jisung kisses your lips, a small peck, and then moves back to gage your reaction. When you look at him, wide eyed and a splutter of laughter leaving your body, he’s confused.

“Was that a mistake?” You ask. Jisung is about to lie and say that yes, it was, but instead he shakes his head.

“No. I meant it.”

“Then come here and prove it to me.” Under the shade of night, Jisung gently grabs your hand and interlocks his fingers with yours as he kisses you again, this time with more purpose. He pulls away, still trying to figure out your reaction, his hooded eyes curious and excited and all on you.

You pull him back to you using your interlocked hands and kiss him again and again and again. He tastes like honey and feels as plush as cotton. You never want this feeling to stop, you don’t even want to remember what it was like to live without Jisung’s lips on yours. You never want to let go.

The few days spent at the beach were no doubt some of the best days of your summer. You don’t think you left Jisung’s side the whole time, and it didn’t look like he minded too much. Mornings were spent walking along the shore of the beach just as the sun came up over the horizon. You collected seashells of different sizes and colors and gave them to each other as presents.

The days were spent exploring the town or lazing around the beach house with some lemonade, Jisung’s chest under your head as you napped the day away with the sunlight streaming in through the window as your only time keeper. Nights were spent eating delicious food with Jisung’s parents, sneaking out to the balcony to share secret kisses that had you both loving the feeling of doing something daring and exciting.

But as quickly as Jisung came to your side, he just as quickly left.

Your journey back to your home felt shorter than when you were going to the beach, and you almost didn’t want to ever come back, happy enough to stay at the beach with Jisung for the rest of the summer, or even your life. This is when you and Jisung realized what dead end you both walked into.

“Jisung, you can leave your bags in the car.” Jisung looks up at his dad from attempting to tug his suitcase out of the trunk.

“What?”

“We’re leaving to go home tomorrow morning, you don’t need to dig out your suitcase.” And with that, Jisung’s parents leave you both by the car, staring after their retreating figures.

A part of you knew this was coming from the very beginning. From the first day you saw Jisung, from the day you spent picking strawberries, from the day you spent at the farmer’s market, and from the kiss on the beach. You knew it would all end tomorrow, but you decided to erase that fact. You fell so deeply for Jisung in the past few weeks that time didn’t seem real. Now, time is going to be the deciding factor of the relationship you and Jisung have created.

“Bumble bee…” Jisung trails off, shutting the trunk of the van and stepping closer to you.

“It’s been three weeks already? I didn’t even notice.” How do you fall in love with someone so quickly? Maybe you always loved Jisung, but you only now realized it. Why is time playing such a cruel trick on you?

“What do we do?” You turn to face Jisung. He sees the tears that are falling down your cheeks, unknowing to you, and gently wipes them away with his thumb. His touch gives you comfort, and so it’s almost impossible for you to pull away from him. You know you have to stay away now, no matter how much it hurts you.

“You have to leave, and I have to stay. I guess this… ends here.”

“Don’t say that.” You’ve never heard Jisung answer so quickly, or so sternly, before.

“What else am I supposed to say? How will this work out when I’m not even sure when I’ll see you again?” You sigh frustratedly, “We should’ve never done this.”

“Stop it.” Jisung’s face twists in agony, his deep voice unusually fragile sounding. Your heart pains to see him like this, but a part of your mind wants you to continue, knowing that this is for Jisung’s own good. As if he can tell there is a battle going on inside you, he steps closer, tiling your chin up to meet your eyes with his own teary ones.

“Please, hear me out.” He says, and when you don’t move, he continues. “I haven’t known how special you are to me until these past few weeks. Your words and your touch and your little hands, too.” His voice cracks as he takes your smaller hand in both of his and looks at how perfectly it fits into his own. “I was so shocked to see you again for the first time in years, but I was more shocked at how much we both changed. But still, you’re the same person I remember from when we were younger, and I thought that meant we were perfect for each other. That even time couldn’t keep us apart.”

You can’t help your bottom lip from quivering at his words. He stutters and cracks his voice, but his conviction is present and it has your knees shaking.

“I was so shocked that you’re still the same bumble bee that I know and love. I was so shocked that I looked at you and my heart ran wild. I was so shocked that my shoulders have grown to fit you perfectly between them.” He pulls you right in front of him, unable to move anywhere else. “You belong here in my arms, with me. We’re just a step away, a handspan from me to you, just twenty centimeters apart. Please, we can solve this.”

He waits among the chirping of the birds and the sway of the wheat from the light wind. Sweat rolls down his cheek and the sun creates an orange tint on your face, illuminating your eyes and lightening your hair. He’ll never forget how pretty you looked when you broke his heart.

“I’m sorry, Jisung. I think fate is pulling us apart. Who are we to go against that?” You counter, leaving Jisung stunned by your answer to his heart-felt confession. Your mind wins the war, and your hands leave his as you turn and walk away. Taking these few steps away from him and to your home is hard, you feel like you’re walking through mud— through heavy lovesickness just to get away from him. Your heart keeps singing to turn around and run back to him, to fall into the space between his arms and never leave.

But you keep walking, up the porch stairs and to your room. Your heart hurts, and Jisung’s heart hurts even more.

“Did you already say goodbye to Jisung and his family?” Is the first thing your mother asks when you walk down the stairs the next day. She’s washing dishes, her back facing away from you, and therefore not noticing the gloomy look on your face.

“Yeah…” You lie, feeling your chest constrict with the sounds of car doors opening and closing outside. Jisung and his family must be getting ready to leave. You know they had breakfast before completely packing up and going home, but you couldn’t make yourself walk down the stairs to join them, unsure of how to face Jisung after rejecting him so harshly.

“Oh, that’s good. It was so nice of them to visit us.” Your mother speaks casually. She doesn’t know that all of her words etch cracks into your heart.

“Is there something you needed from me?”

“Oh, right. Can you take this money to Uncle Henry?” She nods to an envelope on the counter, “For some strawberries we bought from him.” You don’t say another word, snatching the envelope and putting on your rubber boots to walk through the strawberry field. “You should take an umbrella, it looks like it’ll rain.”

“I’ll be gone for a minute, it’ll be okay.” You mumble to her before closing the back door of your house and marching to Uncle Henry’s. The weather outside feels weird. For what seems like the first time this summer, the sun is hidden by gray clouds, but the hot air sticks still to your skin like cling wrap. It feels uncomfortable and irritating to you, or maybe that’s just because of your disposition today. You knock on Uncle Henry’s door, waiting for a minute before he opens up.

“Hello, this is from my mother.” You try to act polite, but you can’t help your harsh mood speak through your words. Uncle Henry looks like he doesn’t care, but gives you a confused look.

“Thank you. Isn’t today Jisung’s last day here?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I thought you would be more happy today.” His words confuse you.

“Why would I be happy?” You blink at him. He laughs wholeheartedly at your response before looking up at the ceiling of his porch as he reminisces.

“I remember when you and Jisung came here to help me pick strawberries, you went back to the house to get water and I chatted with Jisung for a bit. About you.” You shift on your feet as your heart starts to speed up. “I made him promise that if nothing happens between you two during the time he’s here, that he’ll definitely confess his feelings for you before he leaves today.”

Your heart is in rhythm with the pattering of the rain that begins to fall on the ground outside.

“He had feelings for me back then?” You stare at Uncle Henry with the widest eyes.

“Oh, ___.” He laughs again, “I could tell he had feelings for you since you were kids. I guessed that now you’re older it would seem more obvious, that’s why I made him promise that he’d definitely confess.” You’re not sure what to say about this new fact, but you answer with your true feelings on the whole situation.

“Fate obviously didn’t want us together. I don’t know when I’ll ever see him again.” Your words are met with a smack to the side of your head with the envelope in Uncle Henry’s hands.

“Ow!” You’re shocked by the gesture, your mouth opening at the impact and your hand coming up to your head.

“You stupid kids. When you have a love like that you don’t let fate decide what happens with it. You take it and run with it. You don’t know if you’ll find another one like it.” Through the pattering of rain, through Uncle Henry’s words, and through the thudding of your own heart, you hear a car engine start up in the distance. Your fight or flight instinct kicks in, and your legs move down the porch stairs before you can even register what’s happening.

You run through the lonely strawberry field, mud kicking up behind you and rain beating down onto you. You try your hardest not to slip but still run as fast as you can. Your throat burns, your calves ache, you’re slightly blinded by the rain, and you’re sure you’ve stepped on a few strawberry plants, but you keep running in spite of it all. This is you, taking your own fate by the reins and pulling it your way.

By the time you reach your beloved oak tree, you slow down and lean yourself against it, watching Jisung’s family car drive down your long driveway and onto the main road, out of sight.

You’re too late.

You slide down the tree, not caring about the mud on your shoes and the ground dirting your skin and clothes. Somewhere between the drops of rain on your face falls tears. They’re salty and hidden by the gloomy clouds above you. You don’t know what’s more sad: breaking apart from Jisung when you know there is still love between you or being too late to do anything about it. You truly are stupid for letting Jisung slip from your fingers like that, for giving up so easily. The pain in your chest physically hurts you, sobs leave your chest in waves of sadness and meet the thudding rain around you.

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye.” You cry out to no one in particular, watching the driveway as if waiting for Jisung’s car to come back. It doesn’t, and guilt fills you as you remember how ruthless your words were, probably the last words you’ll ever say to Jisung.

He’s no longer just a few breaths away, a few heartbeats away. He’s now miles and miles away, the distance between you two stretching after every minute. Your hope shatters as you lean your head against your old and strong oak tree. You remember the new memories that you and Jisung made over the past few weeks. They add to the existing ones of him from your childhood, and that’s where he will live on: in your heart, in your mind, and in your memories of a bitter first love.

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lunarliza · 4 years

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JJ Maybank Must Die | Chapter 4: Oysters

fuckboy!JJ x Reader

series masterlist | prev. chapter | chapter one

JJ Maybank is the island’s most infamous fuckboy- not that you ever cared. But when a group of tourist girls come to your surf shop crying to you about him, you agree to help them plot revenge. Sabotage is all fun and games, until you find that the playboy you were sworn to ruin happens to be falling head over heels for you.

Yes, this is based on John Tucker Must Die lol

Sure enough, JJ arrived at your house at seven o’clock sharp.

Your mom answered the door and let him in while you hung back in your room, finishing the last touches to your outfit. Granted, you got home late from the shack and only had twenty minutest to get ready.

You stuck on Sophia’s gold hoop earrings and sprayed a bottle of cheap lavender perfume you got during White Elephant one year.

“Alright,” you rasped, entering the living room in a white puff-sleeved sundress, “Let’s get this show on the road.”

You meant it. You wanted to be there and back as soon as humanly possible.

JJ stood from your couch. He did clean up well, you had to admit. His usual ripped cargo shorts and chopped-sleeve tanks were replaced with an ironed navy polo and khakis. You even noticed that he even brushed his hair for once.

“Well, it’s nice to finally see you out of a red bathing suit,” he greeted with a small smile, “You look really nice y/n.”

With his hand on the small of your back, he led you out the front door after you bid your parents goodbye.

“Where are we going again?” you asked as JJ clutched the steering wheel of his dad’s old truck. He originally tried to reach for your thigh when you first got in, but you swatted his hand away before he even got the chance.

“The Wreck,” he replied, turning up the rap song on the stereo to a deafening volume.

You let out an incredulous scoff. “Are you serious? Good luck getting a table at this time. It’ll be packed! It’s seven on a Friday night. We’ll be waiting at least two hours.”

JJ threw you a cocky smirk, still eyeing the road. “Don’t doubt me yet, princess, I have my ways.”

The two of you entered the packed restaurant, and you couldn’t contain the bewilderment that hung on your face. It was like walking into a herd of wild chickens. As soon as JJ swung open the door, people were on the verge of hurdling out the doorway.

“This is insane, JJ,” you gasped, stepping into the sea of grumbling hungry people, “Honestly, we can just try somewhere else.”

“Don’t worry,” he emphasized again, “I got it.”

Heaving through the mob, you finally made it to the hostess stand as you stood behind JJ. The man behind the podium crinkled his nose in disgust once he caught sight of your date. “You again.”

JJ flashed the man his usual shit-eating grin. “Kiara said she reserved a spot for me, for two,” he mentioned proudly.

Begrudgingly, the man yanked out two menus. “Yes, she did mention that one of her hooligan friends was coming in tonight,” he deepened his glare at the blonde, “This way.”

He motioned for the two of you to follow and led you to a hidden room just outside the kitchen with a small table set for two. The ruckus from the main floor was muffled through the walls and the lighting was slightly dim.

“Wow,” you peered around the romantic set up, “So this is where you take all your girls.”

Your date scoffed, about to protest, until you cut him off. “And don’t give me that lame ‘you’re the first one I’ve ever brought here’ line cause I know I’m not.”

That shut him up real quick as he basically plopped down in his chair and whipped open the menu without another word. You heard Kiara’s dad snort under his breath before exiting the room. It felt good to put the player in his place for once.

A server came by shortly to fill your fancy glasses with water and placed a basket of assorted bread on the candle-lit table. You all but hounded at the sight of carbs, taking huge unladylike bites.

In your defense, you hadn’t eaten at all that day. Your stomach was basically rumbling in the car under JJ’s thundering rap playlist.

“So,” JJ continued, ignoring your minorly disturbing eating habits, “I heard the Sea-Side Salad here is really good.”

Salad?

Your face knotted. He really must be ingesting too much salt water if he thought you were looking anywhere in the salad section of your menu.

“Yeah, I’m not really feeling any of these light options,” you stated, flipping through the pages.

It was his turn to be baffled. “Really? Well, all the girls you’ve claimed I’ve taken here have ordered it,” he scratched the back of his head, “What are you in the mood for then?”

Your eyes scanned through the seafood courses. Technically, you were being forced to go on this date against your wishes. Why not get all you can out of it? Make his pockets hurt. Besides, he did take you to the best seafood restaurant on the entire island.

“I’m feeling oysters and maybe some crab legs. Ooh, I didn’t even see the calamari,” you continued, “Okay, let’s get calamari, four pounds of oysters, crab legs, and fried shrimp to finish.”

JJ shut his menu loudly with a ear-to-ear grin stretched on his face. “You got it, princess.”

All around, your table flooded with various scrumptious dishes as you and JJ dug in to your feast. Maybe pretend-dating this boy wasn’t so bad after all. Your stomach certainly wasn’t opposed.

He giggled when you accidentally splotched cocktail sauce on your cheek, gesturing for you to wipe it. You tried to reach for the spot, but that only caused more red sauce to smear on your face. JJ fell back in his chair laughing and stretched over with his napkin to take care of it for you.

To your surprise, JJ actually marveled at your colorful palette, impressed by how you were able to scarf down all your food without an ounce of regret or a smudge on your white dress.

“So besides working, what else do you like to do around here?” he asked, stuffing his face with shrimp.

“Not much else, really,” you confessed, “Sometimes I’ll get together with friends after work. But I basically live at the shop. I’m actually trying to save up for a new car.”

He nodded as you swiped the last oyster before he could see, chowing it down. “You know, I’ve never met anyone who could surf like you. I told my friends about the pipeline the other day and they didn’t believe me! We should’ve filmed it or something.”

You chuckled. “Pipelines are tough, but they’re fun as hell once you figure it out.”

He leaned back in his seat. “I bet. How’d you start surfing?”

“My mom was really good at it when she was younger. She taught me when I was six, and I guess it just stuck.”

“My parents taught me too,” JJ added, “My family’s all about that surfing, fishing, sailing life. It’s in our blood. But hey, you should come surf with me and my friends one day. They’ll lose their shit when they see what you can do.”

“I’ll think about it,” you lied. You were flattered at his compliment, but if this sabotage mission was going to be executed according to schedule, you’d be done with him by July.

Your server came by afterwards to clear your table and drop off the check. After paying what you presumed to be a ginormous bill, JJ linked his fingers with yours and led you out the packed establishment.

He offered to take you for ice cream after, but at the point, you both were too full to take another bite of anything.

In the car ride back, he talked just about the entire way while you hummed absentmindedly and stared out the window. JJ rambled on and on about parties, smoking, and how him and his friends vowed to have the best summer of their lives. It was nice and all, but you really weren’t that interested and were too deep in your food coma to fake listen.

Seeing as you became less and less responsive to his stories, JJ reached across the truck to your leg. A soft smile hung on his lips when you turned to him.

“I had a really good time tonight, y/n,” he murmured, stroking your knee.

You cocked a brow at the blonde. “You did?”

“Definitely. I mean, I’ve never seen anyone chow down on oysters the way you did. And I like that you have a big appetite. And you aren’t afraid of trying new things. It’s hot.”

Hm. Interesting.

“Thanks,” you replied quietly as he pulled into your driveway. He shut off the engine and turned to you, the sound of your uneven breaths filling the car air.

“You know,” he began, “I’ve been thinking a lot about the party last week.”

You cocked your brow. “You have? Why?”

“I dunno. It was really weird how you just like ran off. Made me really curious about you. You seemed so confident and everything. I mean, after that, I knew I had to go after you.”

“I’m still not having sex with you,” you blurted.

“Y/n,” he assured, smoothly taking your hand, “I’m not just interested in sleeping with you.”

Somehow, you weren’t convinced. But for the sake of the operation, you played along. “Then what are you looking for with me?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Honestly, I’m not so sure. But I do really like hanging out with you.”

As if you’ve never heard that one before. You wanted to groan. He really just gave you every fuckboy’s favorite line.

“Well alright then,” you said a bit hastily and unbuckled your seatbelt, “It’s late and should really get going. Thank you again for dinner.”

“Uh, yeah, goodnight...”

You saw a hint of desperation on his face as you turned to leave and paused. Sighing, you whirled around, reaching for his forearm that propped on the armrest.

You gently pressed your lips on his for a moment while his large hand caressed the side of your face. It was sweet kiss. It left JJ aching for more when you pulled away.

“When will I see you again?” he murmured as you started hopping out the truck.

You merely shrugged. “Not sure yet. I’ll let you know when I’m free. Goodnight Loverboy.”

Strolling back into your house, you knew you had JJ right where you wanted him. You didn’t even need to look back to know he was sitting back in his seat, completely mesmerized.

When you flicked on the light of your room, you shrieked in alarm as four pairs of eyes practically laser-beamed at you like bats in the dark.

“What the fuck guys?!” you shouted.

“Your mom let us in earlier,” Soph mentioned casually, lounging on your bed.

“How’d the test run date go?” Maia asked as Arabella and Annalise pried through your closet.

“It was good, we went to The Wreck,” you informed, slipping out of your wedges. You patted on your food baby. “You know, I don’t mind going on more of these if free food is in the picture.”

Arabella held one of your sundresses to her front-side, posing in your mirror. “Did he say anything about a second date?”

“He asked when he’s gonna see me again. I don’t know why. All I did was ignore him the whole time and inhale my food. Anyways, what ploys did you guys come up with while I was gone?”

Annalise sent a devious grin your way and pulled up the notes on her phone for you to see. “This was just from our brainstorm sesh. Most of them were Arabella’s ideas. We were waiting for you to vote on the top five.”

The redhead flipped her hair at the mention of her name.

Your eyes bulged at the extensive, brutal list. “Spray paint car... women’s lingerie... estrogen pills? How the hell are we gonna do all this in two weeks?”

“Relax,” Sophia prodded, “The guy’s basically head over heels for you. Just keep your charming and unavailable act up and let us take care of the rest!”

Just then, you heard your phone ding from your purse. It was a text from JJ.

Just wanna say sweet dreams princess. I’ll def be dreaming about you. Anyways, movies on Tuesday? Heard Ironic Man was pretty good :)

----------------------------------

“So you excited for this? My friends said it was super good and there’s a mind-fuck at the end,” JJ rambled as he led you up the dark steps of the semi-crowded theatre.

“Yeah, I love Tony Park,” you replied nonchalantly, hugging the snacks.

No surprise, he booked you guys the very last row. You settled down the drinks and jumbo popcorn bucket while he lifted the seat’s arm that divided you two. He proceeded to wiggle his brows suggestively. You were glad it was dark enough that he couldn’t see your face cringing for dear life.

Plopping down beside him, you immediately dug into the popcorn as the previews rolled. He grinned and reached for your thigh. “How was work today babe?”

“Pretty good,” you perked a little, “I signed three new clients and even taught this sixty-year-old lady how to do a cutback!”

“Mhm,” he mumbled, clearly not paying attention to anything that came out of your mouth. Inching closer, his lips trailed up your neck before he began nibbling on your ear.

From the side stairway, you detected four familiar heads prance up the steps with giant hoodies shielding their faces. They slid into the row before yours, trying to to muffle their giggles with their sleeves.

Amateurs.

Briefly, you caught Maia’s sly wink before the group sat down. On cue, you shoved your horny date off you.

“Hey JJ,” you whispered sultrily, placing a palm on his chest.

“Hm?”

“Do you think you can grab me some sour candy from the concessions? I totally forgot to grab them when we were there. Like, I can’t watch a movie without them.” Your lips jutted out into a convincing pout.

“Yeah sure, of course.” The blonde jogged down the sides and out the door just as Maia bent over the back of her seat and hurdled onto your row.

“Okay Black Widow, way to stay under the radar,” you commented on her ungraceful maneuver as she fished out a small bottle from her jacket pocket.

“What? This makes me feel like I’m in Mission Impossible. We’re basically spies now.” She popped open the cap and sprinkled some powder into JJ’s drink.

“Wait, what’s in that again?”

Maia smirked. “Oh, just a little... surprise for our favorite fuck boy. Just steer clear of him in like thirty minutes.”

She quickly flipped back over the row just as JJ’s bright yellow hair popped back into the theatre with your sweets. Your palms were sweating in anticipation.

Throughout the movie, JJ’s hands roamed your body as you obliviously munched on the candy. He constantly kissed on your neck and told you how cute you were, earning glares and shushes from the people around you.

After about thirty minutes, you noticed his leg restlessly fidgeting up and down.

“Are you okay?” you whispered, leaning away from him.

“Y-Yeah, j-just-”

His eyes all but darted out his face. He looked like he’d just seen a ghost. “Oh fuck.”

Instantly, he charged out the room at an inhuman pace while the quad in front of you erupted in laughter just as an important character died on screen.

“Guys, what the hell did you put in his drink?” you rasped, leaning over.

“Oh you know,” Annalise responded through her snickers, “Just a nice little laxative.”

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note: more sabotage to come ;) also pls message me if you want to be tagged

chapter 5

tags: @obxlife @rudyypankow @yeehaw87 @ilymarkchan @jellyfishbeansontoast @tangledinsparkles @toloveortobeinlove @pixelated-pogues @normatural @teamnick @drizzlethatfalls @hazelgirl355 @wicked-laugh @jjmaybankswife @ponyboys-sunsets @5am-cigarette @everydayimfangirling @angvelics @poguecollins @xealia @floridabornandraised @girlsru1eboysdroo1 @booksandshish @apoguecalledjj @bananasfromtarget @lulbabes @arthiriticcricket @lasnaro @aaleksmorozova @himarisolace @obxmxybxnk @lopineapples @x-lulu

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