#rook is back >:3

[basicallyjaywalker]

To Protect Him

What, you thought I was gonna let these guys get off unscathed? Woe, Whumptober Day 1 be upon ye and it is yet again Kai who is first up on the chopping block (and also yet again about someone he fails to save... I might have a type.)

Prompts: Race Against the Clock, search party, panic attack

Length: 1,435 words

Character(s): Kai

Summary:

There's a ticking clock going in Kai's head. Tick, tick, tick. They only have so much time to find Lloyd. He can't bear to think of what will happen if they're too late.

[psin314]

after the fade prison.

wanted to draw lucanis' big sad wet eyes love em so much.

hcing that after losing rook lucanis just focused on the job, like in caterina's case. he was barely holding on yeah but he thought if he lets himself be hmm idk vulnerable and shed at least one very stressful tear, it would mean that he's mourning rook, and that would also mean that he's dead. and he didn't want rook to be dead. (but he couldn't stop thinking about it which only made everything even worse.) so. when he finally saw him - he couldn't keep it all inside anymore.

[veatomis]

Great date ideas: take your boyfriend (who doesn't know how to swim) to the hot springs your family owns and gaze lovingly into his eyes <3

(Featuring a very special guest who also loves said boyfriend a very normal amount under the cut)

[vaguely-concerned]

huh. you know something I just consciously put together for the first time about caterina and lucanis' relationship is that through the game we get to hear them talk about each other a lot, but we get very few chances to hear them speak with each other at any length at all. contrast it with other companions whose storylines have elements of 'believed lost/long time no see relative returns!' like bellara and davrin, where we get to see both of them have several pretty in-depth conversations with cyrian and eldrin. hell I think even rook talks with varric longer in the regret prison scene than we ever get to see lucanis and caterina interact directly.

(and when we do see them interact, it's mostly one-sided -- it is, perhaps unsurprisingly, caterina who is doing most of the talking and giving all the orders, as he ruefully observes is her wont after murder of crows. including jumpscaring him with 'you're first talon now btw' and the shocked pikachu face in five acts he goes through in response lmao. perhaps it's more accurate to say that she talks at him and he reacts, than that they talk to each other much.)

it has such an interesting effect too, because in deliberately denying us direct insight or experience and only having this mosaic of description from each of them to go on, as well as forcing us to pay attention to the negative space of what is carefully not said, it's evocative along the same principle that you never actually show the monster in a horror film. if you've read the wigmaker job you have a clearer image of the more uh. worrying elements at play here going in, but there is something fascinatingly insidious and naturalistic in the way it's 'hushed up' in the game itself. she has his complete loyalty both as a member of her house and, more importantly, that of an abused child to a parent figure. he readily admits several times that she's a difficult person to live with, an even more difficult person to be loved by ("even for me. and I was her favourite")... but never once does he actively blame her nor truly conceptualize that he has every right to do so (that he can be angry with her and still love her, because whether he should or not he unavoidably does), or that she might have acted differently than she did, that she made a choice every time to hurt him. even affectionately he speaks of her as a force of nature, an act of god -- something that can't be reasoned or pleaded with or resisted, something you can only hope to navigate with as little pain as possible and pray to survive. let yourself get carried away by the riptide, resisting it will only make it worse. you don't compromise with a hurricane, you just try to find the best shelter you can and cross your fingers while you wait for it to pass and be calm again.

love is that hurricane. you do whatever she asks. you earn her continued affection day by day by never letting her down. you only want the things she tells you it's okay to want and cut everything else away preemptively. ("A wyvern tooth dagger?? I loved wyverns as a boy --Caterina would never let me have one of these, though." and as we have all wept and gnashed our teeth over, it never even OCCURS to him that he's a like thirty-five year old adult man who can buy himself any dagger he wants at any time. she said he couldn't have one. so he'll never have one. that's just how it works. and maybe if Illario could just accept that and find his peace with it like I have, this whole thing wouldn't be so difficult. oh lucanis.)

such is the price -- and the cost -- of being loved by her, it's a loan on which the interest will never stop piling up. you have to keep paying it down in perfection every day if you want to keep it. who got the worse deal there: the grandson who has abandoned everything else in life to live up to that and mostly succeeded, until the day he's so burned out and broken it threatens to no longer be an option, or the grandson who can never seem to scrape together enough worth in her eyes no matter how he begs, borrows or steals it, how he hustles and plays dirty?

one of the worst things that can happen to anyone is to be loved by a selfish god. another one of the worst things that can ever happen to anyone is to not be loved by a selfish god. (hope that helps, boys!) even in betraying everything else, Illario can't bring himself to hurt his grandmother, because that would defeat the whole point. who would he defiantly be proving himself worthy to, without her. in love, devotion, submission, hatred, frustration, bitterness, everything is defined in relation to her, you can spot the gravitational force of it through how the dellamorte family move through time and space. she -- her love and regard and attention -- is still the sun both of their worlds orbit around, even as adults. the game might never tell you outright 'she used to beat and starve them growing up. for their own good you see, so they'd be strong (and broken down enough for her to build them up again however she wanted but I'm sure that's incidental)', but if you know even a little bit about how these dynamics can work the writing is on the wall everywhere you look and all the more unsettling for it.

follow lucanis' freeze-logic and fraught interpersonal catch 22 irreconcilable mixed emotions problems back far enough, looong before the ossuary entered the picture, and you start to see caterina's ghost around every fucking corner. she is so proud of him. (well, she would be. she made him. she forged exactly the knife she needed and it rests willingly, devotedly, in her hands, it would return to her every time because it doesn't know love as anything but to be a knife. his tama never taught him how to be anything else. his biggest fear with her is that she won't even want him back, the way he is now.) to the best ability of her soul, whatever parts of it survived a lifetime of crow politics and 'five children, eight grandchildren, only Illario and me left now', I think she really does loves him. he certainly loves her, with all the sincerity and artless desperation of a child, of the little boy he was once. and what she's done to him (and to illario, for all his shitty gremlin scar-ass antics lol) is awful. the harm is real, and the love is real, and trying to find a way for these two truths to exist in the same space is driving all three of them their own individualized forms of insane. you know. the way only family can and so often does lol.

through implications and short glimpses and having to put the pieces together yourself, you can have the feeling that there is very genuine mutual love and attachment in this relationship... and that beneath that there is something so profoundly wrong. and the sneaking '...oh shit it gets worse the longer I think about it' horror of that is more effective for me at least than the stark in-your-face presentation of the facts of the matter could have been. the love is here. the love is here. it only ever makes it worse.

[emmavakarian-theirin]

alternate bad ending

(inspired drabble under the cut)

Lucanis has been taught to accept death since he was a child. He's trained in it. He's used to it. But that doesn't mean what family he has left isn't important to him. Rather it's what matters to him most.

Then he gets imprisoned and tortured. He watches people die, week after week for a year. He's made to think he's going to die at any moment. Made to think that his family is dead. But he doesn't know.

Then you come along, set him free, return him home to find only one family member left, the other probably dead after all. But he still doesn't know.

Then she's alive, imprisoned by the same person that imprisoned him, the other living relative. But he can't kill him. He won't be the reason to lose what he has left, and there's so little left.

But then there's you, who's shown him compassion he's never known, that there's something more than just family/contracts/enemies. That it's safe to be vulnerable around someone.

But he's scared to get close. Scared he'll hurt you. Scared he'll lose you, to himself, to a god, to something he can't kill.

Then his walls start to break. He doesn't know what he'd do without you. And then you disappear. You might be dead. A day, a week, a month goes by. You're still not back. You're probably dead. He thinks he'll never see you again.

It's weeks of not knowing, and he's wasted all this time fearing he'd only take time away from you, time he could have given you instead of pushing you away, and he's lost you anyway. You could have both been happier, if he wasn't so broken.

Then you're back, and nothing else matters, there's no holding back. He'll do anything to protect you, you are his sole purpose now. This he knows, more than anything.

Then the battle is over, the gods are dead, and so are you in his arms. He couldn't protect you.

He knows death. He knows you're dead.

But only now after decades without, does he remember what it's like to grieve.

[ann-chovi]

"But if we live... Ferelden. Cottage. QUIET. At least for a while."

(dear reader- they did, in fact, live.)

(bonus lucky pose I grabbed a screenshot of and used for ref under the cut)

[talesofesther]

gentle love 💓

[sky--phantom]

Lucanis missing Davrin

I miss him too

[rsenak]

working title: give me coffee or give me death (im sooo sleepy today)

[pip3dream]

"Shh." She waved a hand at him. "There are people here who'd cut your throat for two fifties and sell your blood as dragon fire."

"Not me," Kit said confidently. "No one here would touch me.”

He leaned back. "Unless I wanted them to."

"And here I thought I was all out of shameless flirting charms."

“I am your shameless flirting charm."

[librarydilf]

This is Alec's canon response and also one of my favorite Solas moments in the game. I LOVE the reactions you get from him when you come at him with the more upfront, furious options in act 3. Rook completely has the read on him here and Solas has lost the leverage he's been using to manipulate them. WHAT A MOMENT WHAT A SITUATION.

[kobylas]

Ariadna de Riva

[ajastu]

I love that. like. you CANNOT trust Rook with standing near a ledge. Adrenaline junkie type of behavior.

[fattylime]

Santiago & Lucanis for @/kentonanamiz on twt 🐦‍⬛

[secondary-colorentimy]

some recent traditional doods :3

[henryscapon]

#he wants that cookie so effing bad

bonus: